#i didnt get to make anything for lunch fo

[pundeserving]

i am...hungy

[areakeeper]

im so fucking high right nos but i gotta. transbide the message the vission okay. zenigatä but his insta ramens gone back and he didnt noticed hntil later at his desk hes cramping and bloatted as hell, havinf stress ate double his lunch on top of things. melon cöp comes in n jokes he can hear zenigatäs stomach from here, if hes still hungry he better find sumn else to eat, having noticed all tht ramen was past due. zenigatä kinda jolts at realizing thts why his stomach is in knots and groans abt it. melon cöp laughs a bit n offers if he could help, suggests they chill on a shitty little couch in th offiice and he can rub his stomach. zenigatä hestitates before his stomach gurgles loudly, muscles twisting in his abdomen as he relents, getting up and carefully getting to th couch. melon makes good on his word, settles zenigatä a bit back and rubs hard cirlces into his stomach, presses of th heel into his sides. when he first farts he blusters and apologizes, not easily able to get up without beinf stopped by a hard cramp. melon tells him its fine, he was expecting sometjing to come out, whole point to calming shit down is emptying out what makes the fuss. zenigatä is burning over having just farted so close to his partner, but that was th first taste of relief hes gotta since the gas started ro bloat him, having been struggling to push anything out between potentioal embarrassment of beinf heard and his guts not working wifh him. so, he lets melon continue, urging loud, bubbling farts out of th large man, occasionally telling him he feels less hard now or how hes stinkin up th office, gonna have fo open th window soon with how cramped it is

[azlovesem]

What do mean you didnt think anybody looks at or reads these teats? Why would we get you yo do them then? I dont know in the joint i did a similar test. I just checked c for that one. Nobody ever made anything of it so i figured nobody ever reads this shit. Why would they the questions are so random and fuckn stupid. theyre not random and stupid thryre part of the im programs curriculum yiu havevto retake it here now. Well in the lounge im busy here. just put c as all my answers in your head this time and save me and you the trouble. no you read the questionsire properly this time and complete it. If you wanr to put random answers thats yp to yoy maybe youre a random person but it eint be all the same. Theres a d e f and g answers too. Thats a really great accent you have especislly when you get bossy. Whats that English? Tazmanian? Its lovely. Youre the nicest most polite person i talked to do far today. thank you now you have an hpur i wsnt yo update my files before lunch and if i submit something like this it makes it look like i font fo my job like they did gor you in the joint wherever that was. I do things differentky i dont prepare things to just sort of do them. Thats great youre very rate in this town thats what that means to me. With that accent very rare. Not like ive never heard one up close before. Bit thats why i like it so much. Ok thank you for uour kind compliment now you can uou ho please and just make my life easier. Easier or more fun? Its not one of the other. Easier bn pleaee my lufe is fun enough. Yeah thats what they all say. But ill go and ill check different bocxee thos time snd maybe even read ten percent of the questions.

[simeon-with-a-shotgun]

So a thing I've noticed

Older generations make fun of people who are struggling and then cry a river when people are dying. While younger generations help people whenever they can, and fight for the people dying so no one else dies.

Many a time have I been filled with rage over my mother making fun of and or laughing at homeless people or people in financial struggle asking for help

The other day there was a homeless man on the road holding a sign. He wasnt even asking verbally. And this man stopped his car. Got put fo the car. Then began to verbally assault the homeless man telling him to get a job and how pathetic he was. And my mother encouraged him and was like "finally someone says it! Hes fully capable of walking into walmart and getting a job! You go man!"

And I was so fucking tempted to jump put of the moving car on the highway to give this innocent man whatever I had in my purse. It was disgusting.

I dont care if he does use the money for booze or whatever the fuck. At least I'm the one with an ounce of kindness to give him what little I can.

THE OTHER THING

Our neighbors horse had a medical issue recently and they can't really afford the vet bill to help it. So they put on Facebook what was happening and said. "Please if anyone was planning on getting me anything for my upcoming birthday, money is fine instead to pay (horses name) medical bill. "

AND MY MOTHER FUCKIGN MADE FUN OF HER

What the fuck made boomers think that people asking for a little bit of help should be shamed upon.

Thsi is coming from the same woman that tells everyone and their mothers about how "good I turn out" when I come home and say that I didnt eat because I gave my food away to someone that cant affors it or all the times I've split my food with my poor friends that never ate lunch at school because of money issues. Or when I gave my bestfriend 10 bucks to go to home coming because he barely had 5 dolllars to his name at the time.

I grew up poor as dirt. The first time I was allowed to pick up a cheap toy from the store without being told "$2 is too much ask santa" was when I was 10.

I never finnish full meals I always have leftovers so when I noticed people around me not eating I'd ask them if they'd like to split my food. Then I'd start bringing extra food because of them.

I was never taught that. I did that myself.

AND MY MOTHER HAS THE AUDACITY TO CLAIM THAT SHE TAUGHT ME THE KINDNESS THAT I HOLD.

Yes she does good deeds. She helps people out. If one of her students camt afford fees she let's them learn for free and she makes deals they can afford. She does care. And she is a good person. But she didnt teach me shit.

I'm just absolutely fucking ashamed to see her treat people that way. Just because you're not saying it to their faces does not justify shit.

[randomsevans]

COULD OF HAD

Ransom Drysdale x Reader : if only he wasnt such an asshole he could of had the life he never knew he wanted , . Well until now.

'Do you really think I'll be a good father figure , eh! Do ya y/n '

You were gobsmacked, you didnt know what to say , you just stood there at the door tears streaming down your face. Then out of nowhere ransom began to smirk . 'What makes you think I'd even want it, ' he begans to laugh 'I dont care what you do with it, i don't care , you could go to the clinic tomorrow and I wouldnt give a shit ' you were in shook . But what more do you expect form the trust fund play boy . You place your hand on the door nob , calming down , once last glance at ransom before you leave . 'If that's want you want find , I'll do just fine on my own ' you said calmly ,but the take a step forward rage running though you 'but if in the future you ever feel like changing your mind 'you place a hand on your slightly bloated stomach 'DONT! Because MY ! Child will never know who you are. Just remember huge I gave you a chance and you'll never get another ' he didnt even look bothered more emumed at your out burst . You open the door wide and stomped at , throwing ransom pinky ring back at him , that moments ago was sitting on your hand . ' have a nice lonely life ransom drysdale , I hope you fuckin enjoy it ' he just laught at his door step , as you start the engiren of your car . ' oh ! I will ever much ,now I dont have you , you needy bitch that I knocked up , hope you enjoy your life with a bastard you never wanted ,hell knows I dont '

That was 3 years ago ,you sat in your living room in your tiny bedroom apartment, re -living that moment ,as my little pony plays on the tv , making background noise , while being surrounded by ponys and dolls.you were quickly taken away for your quited moment ,as a small hand fell on your knee , stabling her self so she could look up at you .

"Momma " her sweet little voice squeaked as you pulled her into your lap .

"Yes Clara?"

"Hungey "

"You hungry ?" She nodded , you quickly glance at the clock on the wall it was about time of lunch and then her nap .

"How about some bananas, eh ? " you said in the most high pitch voice you had.

"Yeahhhhhh, momma " a wide smile grew on her face , an all to familiar smile , the smile of her u grateful, good for nothing sperm donnar . Yes that's what you call him when ever someone ask about Clara's father, he doesn't deserve that title and never will ,EVER !

You being Clara into the small side kitchen and sit her on the floor as you began to chop her bananas, your 2 year old daughter waiting patiently. Until the door knocked, "who is it? " you ask "its Martha " she replied "it's open " . You and Martha used to work together at the Thornton manner , that's where you met him . You need some extra money for school so you took up the job for a small while . That were you met martha your very good friend , now neighbourhood,. You enjoy your 2 months there , making friends with Harlan as well as he made you feel part of his family. All while getting attacked to a certain dick head and wasted the next year and half , with, you still dont even know if it was a serious relationship you knew he still sleeped around when he felt like, and you let him walk all over , as he falsely accused you were his main girl and gave you his stuiped pinky ring. That near two year 'relationship ' ended once you found out you were pregnant, at the time you either thought it would be the making or breaking for your 'relationship 'with ransom . And it turned out to be a joke to him, to see you stuck with a problem he left you with . You doubt that your the only women who has being put in the same situation by ransom.

As martha walk into the small kitchen contacted to the living room , she picked up clara , and swung her around , making clara do the most gorgeous laugh you adore so much .

"So martha , what can I do for you this fine day " you giggled facing away fo finish your daughters lunch .

"Um ... well " you heard her place clara back down , you can tell shes nervous so you turn around and look her in the eyes. "Umm well I sorta ... well I need you help " she quickly glanced at you then focused on the panels on the floor .

"Sure martha I'll help ya , what is it ?" You laugh, you dont get why shes so nervous.

" um you'll get paid dont worry , you'll get a good amount , I need help at an event " she said shyly .

"Sure I could use the extra money, what event is it ? "Doesnt sound to bad , a good days work some extra money in your pocket and go working with your best friend, sounds good enough.

"Harlan birthday " she quickly blurted out , your eyes grew wide .

"Martha ..." you began shaking your head .

" there no garanity he would be there , and if he is I'll try my best to keep him away form you and I promise I wont mention anything about clara , I havnt for the last 3 years have I " she shrugged with a pleading smile . Martha is the only person who knows that clara is Hugh's daughter , you doubt he even told hes family that you two ended it , there probably guessed on there own and didnt give a shit how you were getting on , apart form harlan who gave you a few phone calls months after to check up on you

" Martha a I just dont kn..."

Cut of once again "y/n harlan isn't getting any younger and he says how much it would be nice to see you again , and it would be a nice little surprise for him .... please y/n I need the little extra help "

"Okay " how could you say no to that .

"Really !"

"Yes so when is it?"

"Tomorrow "

"What ! "You nearly shouted

"I know , I know .. but my sister can look after clara while we work "

You just nodded in response totally not prepared if you do indeed see ransom tomorrow.

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Kentarou is a delinquent werewolf who was taken in by Reader. Hes in his second year of highschool, a track kid whos involved with the wrong crowd. Till he meets the Schools volleyball Ace.

Part Four

Kyotani x Hajime

It was after school now and Kyotani was waiting for Hajime outside the school like he asked him too. Hands in his pockets and cigarette in his mouth with an angry expression on his face. He was only going for the food, thats it.   He groaned into the stone wall he was leaning on , switching his cigarette to the other side of his mouth with his tongue when Ayme ran over hugging his hips and dipping her fingertips into his pants. 

 “Let go” he told her, shimmying away  to lean back again.

“What are you doing ? we gotta get ready fo the party” she told him a little huffy.

“What party” he asked, puffing out smoke through his teeth, he could feel his wolf was agitated, he always was when Ayme was around him. 

Aymes parties were not parties, anything but; everyone was drunk or high and grinding on each other. Kyotani could not get drunk anymore since he was a werewolf so he just stuck to smoking his cigs while everyone practically threw themselves at him. He did not care much for it and often left unsatisfied each and every time.  Ayme and her friends often tried to play on his ‘ Mad Dog’ nick name during sex and it just pissed him and his wolf off more. His wolf tried to take over one time and Kyotani had to force him back down , he had never had to do it before and trying to focus while he had girls on him was not easy. He left as soon as he could to go change in the woods and kill something.

“My partry!! I told you about it at lunch!” 

“Mm..” he was looking around now.

“I know you dont drink but cmon baby.” she moved back to him touching his belt. “I promise this will be different”

 “Oh yeah?” he looked down at her puffing smoke in her face

“Ack.. yes! We were talking and… what if we let you tie us up?”

“Id tie you sluts to the bed and leave” Hajime was finally coming into view

“Hmph!” Ayme stepped back folding her arms. “Just you wait , youll show up at my door one day begging for me” her tone changed and she ran a hand down his tone chest. “And you can do whatever you want big boy”

“Am i interrupting something?” Hajime came over to see Kyotani looking very pissed off and Ayme touching his hips. 

“yes you are!” she told him “we -”

Kyotani pushed her off and started walking. “ no, were done talking”

“Hey! Kyotani! Just cuz your a third year doesn't mean you can interrupt !”

Hajimie flashed her a smile “ sorry, but i have no idea who you are” and left to catch up with Kyotani.

**

Hajime jogged over to the angry boy and slowed to a walk next to him.

“So are you gonna ask where my house is or are you gonna walk around aimlessly?” Kyo puffed some smoke looking in the other direction.

“Do you need to let anyone know your not going right home?”

“Pfft..”

“Hey uh, you think you could put that out?”

Kyotani stopped walking to give Hajime a glare, his cigarette shining bright red at the end. Hajime stopped and gave Kyotani a happy grin. “Smoking is bad man, pretty please? “

“Screw off” 

Hajime got closer, rubbing on Kyotanis side whispering in his ear . “for me? Mad Dog?”

He jumped in his skin feeling goosebumps travel from his neck to his chest . “the fucks your problem?” Kyo said moving away hitting a stone wall leaving him no options for a exit. Hajime walked over cornering him but left his left side open , 

 “Im just looking out for you.” he flashed a smile and Kyotani felt his wolf stur around in him, he felt slightly aroused as well. Why though? The fuck. This was just some volleyball kid , no one important. He didnt need anyone, not you , not Ayme and not him.

“ i can look after myself”

“Even when your backs against the wall?”

“Yes”

Hajime backed off giving Kyotani some space. “Look. you can damage your body over time by smoking, happend to my dad ,thats all. “ he looked away scratching the back of his head talking a little low. “Just dont want to lose you yet , you seem cool..”

Kyotani had enhanced hearing thanks to his wolf and Hajimes words made his heart skip a beat, he could call him out on it if he wanted to . but he was confused by these feelings.

“What?” was what he finally said.

“Nothing, you like hamima chicken?”

“Fuck yes i do”

“Good! Cuz i've got plenty” 

Kyotani watched Hajime walk past him with a smile on his face. Kyotani stood there for a minute trying to focus on his wolf. “ knock it off…” he told himself as he flicked his cigarette away to catch up with Hajime.

**

Kyotani was sitting at the island in Hajimes kitchen watching him make the Hamima chicken, no one else was home yet so it was just them, his wolf was still on edge and he was even more aroused now. What was his problem? Its just Hajime, no one important.  Kyotani caught himself looking at the boys chest a alot and his arms, so tone.. Lean.. fuck. He shook his head and looked down pulling out his phone.

Kyotani/ Ma

Y.n/ yes kyo? Are you alright?

Kyotani/ im at a 

He looked up to see Hajime still cooking , he looked down at his phone again.

Kyotani/ im at a friends house, his name is Hajime so ill be home later

You were at work staring at your phone with utter disbelief on your face. Kyo never told you where he was or texted you.  And it was a boys home and not that.. Ayme girl.

Y.n/ okay Kyo, ill see you tonight, have a good time. 

Kyotani looked up again to see the food in front of him on a plate with a water and Hajime leaning on the table looking pretty smug.  Kyotani picked up the food taking a rough bite out of it. “Like it ?” Hajime asked coming around the island to sit next to the quiet boy.

“Its fine” 

“Just fine? Im hurt.”

“Pft..” Kyotani looked away still eating and felt a finger on his cheek scoop up some food . Kyotani looked back to see Hajime eating the piece of chicken. His face felt like it was on fire , Hajime leaned close to Kyotani whispering in his ear. 

“You can at least say it tastes good… i worked so hard on it”

“Maybe you need to pull it out of me”

“Oh yeah?” Hajime smirked moving back a bit. “Throw a dog a bone?

Kyotani was feeling very flustered and aroused at everything happening. Never before had he had any interest in guys, his wolf was not fighting it or trying to rip him to shreds . Hajime leaned back in his seat spreading his legs slightly and leaning on the island. Kyotani put his food down and looked Hajime up and down, his wolf forcing him up off the chair.

“Cmere Mad Dog” Hajime said low.

His wolf forced him to take a step forward , Kyotani gripped the island leaning down so he was eye level with the smirking boy.  

 “Yes?” Hajime asked, leaning forward taking in Kyotanis scent.” you smell like cigarettes”

“I dont care, i -..” his voice trailed off once he felt Hajime brush his lips against his. Kyotani sucked in air and Hajime pulled him on his lap . “cmon Mad Dog, loosen up for me” he lightly pressed his lips against the confused boys mouth. 

“Ff!” Kyotani stumbled into the boys lap falling into his kiss. He laid his arms on the boys shoulders, kissing him back , his wolf was rejoicing inside him, he never felt better than he does right now. Normally he would make Kyotani growl at Ayme and her slutty friends but right now he was pushing Kyotani in more,

 Kyotani pulled away breathing through his mouth staring at the boy in front of him watching him lick his lips and bite the bottom one. Hajime rested his hands on the tall boys hips leaning back in the chair rubbing in little circles with his thumbs.

“You haven't killed me yet” The smug boy said.

“Shut up..” Kyotani sat down on the boys lap looking everywhere but him, he could feel his gaze on him though.

“Have you never kissed a guy before?”

Kyotani growled looking back at the boy and Hajime pursed his lips together smiling big. 

“Im flattered, “

“Pft..” 

“I guess i shouldint of done that, your girlfriend will be upset”

“Girlfriend?”

“That girl touching you after school”

Kyotani clicked his tongue leaning forward a bit till their elbows connected. “Shes not my girlfriend, just a quick fuck.” his lips were tingling from the kiss still.”unsatisfying fuck” He added, even though it was not really necessary . 

Hajime pulled Kyotani closer, smelling the cigarettes in his clothes still, he looked down looking for the pack of smokes on his person. Kyotani’s heart was racing. He wanted more, why ? why was his wolf trying to get him to do more?  It felt nice .. was that it? Feeling nice is .. nice…

 Kyotanis hands lingered down from Hajimes shoulders to his neck drifting down to the boys chest , his thumbs pulling it up. He had gotten the shirt half way up taking in his tone chest. From all that stupid volleyball obviously. No cuts or anything , no bruises.. His left hand held the shirt up while his right one felt all around the boys chest. He could hear Hajime breathing pick up in his ear and Kyotanis heart was going nuts, he ran his fingers all along his chests slowly… slowly moving down to his pants. His fingers gliding along the black belt.  

 Hajime had found the pack of smokes in Kyotanis pocket and reached in taking them out and holding them up leaning back in the chair, he also pulled his shirt back down .

  “This needs to stop, if you want to do more”

“Excuse me?”

“The smoking”

“What makes you think i want to do more huh ?”

Hajime patted the boys hips with his free hand . “still sitting on me”

“Shut up..” he got up off the boys lap walking into the island.

“And well..” he pouted when he saw his lap was empty , “you were getting pretty handsy” Hajime looked up and lifted his shirt teasing the werewolf. “Pretty sure i felt hands on my belt too”

Kyotani huffed looking away at the fridge ignoring the arousal in his pants. Hes just another guy, no one important. Just take the smokes back Kyotani..

 “Im unsure about all of this”  he finally said.

“Im okay with friends with benefits, but the smoking needs to stop” Hajime got up still holding the pack. 

 “Fine”

“Fineeee?”

“Ill stop fucking smoking”

He held the pack out shaking it around lightly. “Break each and everyone one of these sticks in here if your serious”

Kyotani snatched the smokes from him opening it up , he reached for one and stopped to stare at the 7 smokes.  Its not like he paid for these smokes, Ayme always supplied him with them. He would never get sick from them because of his wolf so he could technically keep doing it without a problem… but … Hajime would smell it on him and .. he cant say why he wont get sick..He pulled a couple out of the pack halfway and broke them. Why..?  why was he..? A couple more snapped. He never listened to what anyone said, so why was he doing this? Why did he care? Another, one left.  Something about snapping these smokes was .. relieving. His wolf was happy and he felt stronger. Snap.  the pack fell on the island and Hajime smiled up at the angry boy. 

 “You actually did it.”

“Were you expecting me not too ?”

Hajime got closer to the boy running a hand up and down his chest. “Yeah if im honest, felt like you were gonna tell me to fuck off”

“Pft..” Kyotani touched Hajimes chest lifting the shirt again. 

“Like what you see?” he teased pulling Kyotani closer

“Shut up”

“Cmon… be a good boy for me” He whispered in his ear

Kyotani felt his cock feel hot at those words, good...boy..

“Sit down then.”

Hajime pulled back sitting back in his chair , his arm leaning on the island to support his head, he rubbed his lap slowly. “Okay, sitting.”

Kyotani rubbed his shoulder trying to ignore the tension in his pants. “Can you..”

“Hmm? “Say it again.”

“Say what? Be a good boy for me?” His cock was straining against his pants now. “Yes , christ. Yes okay?”

Hajime straightened out on the chair leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “Cmon Kyotani, be a good boy for me”

 “..ff.. Fuck..” Kyotani swatted the boys arms away and sat down on his lap , Hajime grabbed his hips kissing him again . he leaned back in the chair smirking , pulling Kyotani closer slipping his tongue in his mouth.

[trinitywolf99-blog]

A dream I had about two nights ago

Daddy doesn't know but he will after he reads this

The other night I had this incredibly hot as fuck dream

Ok so my daddy has a Tumblr and he likes to post LOTS of porn which for the most part doesn't bother me there r also lots of hot stories and stuff and I know he has been working on it a really long time but cause Tumblr has banned sexual content there is less and less to post which brings me to this dream I had cause I worry and stuff and I'd like to help him anyway I can

Daddy has absolutely full control over me and even if I complain I always do what daddy asks of me

So in this dream me and daddy had finally moved in together but he had run out of stuff to post and was sooooo close to his goal and he asked me to do something for him to help. Daddy is really shy about how he looks and stuff (I don't get cause he is sooooooo sexy to me). So anyways daddy asked me to let him video me having sex with one of his friends and this big dog (that appeared out of no where cause it's a dream) telling me that it was ok and not cheating cause he asked me to and of course would hide my face and blindfold me so no one knew what I looked like or who I was. I agree cause I'd do anything for daddy. We take our time to go through and pick out which one of his friends would work best and explain to the friend that this is a one time thing only. The friend agrees.

The morning of the scheduled film day daddy wakes me up by fingering my pussy till I'm sopping wet then ties me up with my elbows tied to my knees and my legs tied so tight I can't move. Then he flips me over to where my ass is up in the air, he covers my face and my eyes and then teases me with a vibrators in my pussy and my ass while he gets breakfast. Then he takes a tail ass plug and replaces the vibrator in my ass with it, and takes the vibrator out of my pussy and fucks me so hard and deep till his friend shows up. When the doorbell goes off he leaves me there all tied up and blindfolded as he greets his friend and sets up the camera to record. After everything is ready his friend starts to fuck me by this point there is sooo much pussy juice everywhere it makes a lot slapping sloshy sound and he fucks me so hard not being gentle or kind to me at all pulling on my hair to make me scream. This went on fo some time then came the time for the dog but still blindfolded i didnt know this and it was my first time. After a few minutes of no one touching me I was startled when the dog started to lick up all the fluids dripping from my ass and pussy. His tongue ruff but soft at the same time, making me moan as he hit my clit over and over and slides his tongue in and out of my pussy over and over. By this time I'm completely incapable of forming any thoughts at all. Then suddenly the dog stops licking me... As I started to whine begging for him to start again he mounts me his hot, hard, huge dick thrusting deep into my pussy causing me to let out a cry of surprise. Much like the friend the dog was not kind and fucked me so hard as he hadn't ever bred any female before and the dog was about 8-9 years old and had never been fixed. And just when I thought I couldn't take anymore for fear of exploding everywhere the dog knots me full on no warning, no slowing down just full on slammed it me. As he pours hi love into me we both just sit there in pure ecstasy. Daddy turns off the camera and escorts his friend out who had cleaned up in the bathroom and by the time he came back in the room tue dogs knot had just gotten amall enough to pop ouf of my pussy with a loud popping noise. Daddy takes me into his arms and unties me and unblind folds me when telling me what a great job i did and that he is going to get so many followers with this video then he takes me and lays me down and cleans up the mess all over my legs, ass and pussy. He gets me my stuffy and some chocolate milk in a sippy cup and we cuddle and watch a movie together as i fall asleep cuddled up next to him.

After he posts parts of the video he got so many requests for the whole thing that he started selling them and his Tumblr following sky rocketed! He was so happy and excited we ate out for a week straight for breakfast lunch and dinner.

Love you Daddy 💗💗

[cheerisuu]

Im Back.

Boy, how time flies fast when you’re busy keeping things feel right. I mean, they’re supposed to be. I’m going to make this update as quick as i can and as precise as i can, bet i cant do both tho lmao.

It has been approximately 3 weeks since Rock Bottom (i guess it’s what you call it? Well, close.) and things has been quite, nice.

The month of July has really been a journey of what felt like forever. Today is the 12th of the month and i have come to the point where i realised that the mind is the only thing that keeps us from doing or achieveing something that we want. And this applies to a couple of situations:

I learned how to do a buck tuck.

This is one of the few things i achieved as i underwent through a “therapaeutic healing” after the incident. I surrounded myself with the few people that im friends with in our Pep Squad and fortunately my friend Dapitanon, P. also had a common friend which made our days more progressive. Just the act of cheering for each other to do one’s best really lifts everyone’s morale.

“It’s really all in the mind.”

We ARE physically capable of doing things but our mind seems to think that there’s an invisible obstacle that prevents us from pursuing what we want to achieve. I realise this as we were practicing for a back tuck, which i proudly achieved (with a spotter pa hehe). But that achievement was already some proof that if i can have control over my body, i can do all things if i just believe just enough to do it right. Heck, I think I’ll attach my tuck video somewhere on here.

1st of July.

We went to a dog cafe.

Idk what’s with me but i really like to do something special at least once a month with him and WITHOUT telling him. After all, I can’t just let myself be carried away with the emotions that lead me almost to the verge of thinking it was over, right? So despite our awkwardness and difference of treatment (slight), I still picked him up (with miraculously good timing too) with our Navara and was able to use it for the whole day before returning it back to my Granddad’s. Did i mention he got car sick? It was the cutest. (Am i weird for saying that? Doesn’t matter tho lmao) i thought of going to the dog cafe cause i was thinking, “Hey dogs can like help with your mental and emotional health right? So why the frick not.” Im surely going to post a little GIF here somewhere on how cute the doggos were. And when i tell you, dogs CAN bring the purest out of anyone. We literally were like talking to babies man and boy the dogs were HUUGE, only the pugs were like “hey hooman u can luv me unlyk diz oder bitchez” haha. But if ever things do go well for us in the future, we are DEFINITELY going to get a golden retriever man. It’s my dream!

Anyways, we also got to watch our first movie as “barkada pero gusto ang isat isa” or BPGAII, it was Toy Story 4. And bitch, dont get me started on how we were wondering if it was a child’s movie or not coz boi, we did NOT like the jump scares at ALL. But still, me being an emotional, soft potato, it still made me cry in the end. The meaning behind was great it was all about taking the risk, which was kind fitting? For him at least hekhek. Basically Woody chose to be with his hoe, Bo, for Buzz, his bro. But this aint no movie review so, *boop.

I gave him my skin care?

Ok tbh this was so random right. He realised my skin was glowing better (coz bitch, we aint lettin no sadness ruin this skin ya feel?) so he asked what was i using cos he was contemplating on his gorgeous face that he was getting ugly now. (The audacity, am i right?? Lol) so i CLEARLY (no pun intended) put into the effort of giving him some travel bottles and put in some samples of what moisturiser and micellar water i was using right, and i guess it worked out well? I also got to drive it TO him still. But the good side of this was i was able to be with my Granddad and spend some time together as his driver hihi.

LADY DRIVER.

So I’m getting good at this driving thing right, as driving from Malaybalay to Cagayan, Davao to Tagum and vice versa, Tagum to Maco and back. So i might as well be good at city driving and yall cant tell me otherwise lol,

(SIDENOTE:except for the fact i got stopped by the Yellow Ranger in Ecoland coz i was at the left lane at a traffic light and my mom told me to go straight WHICH WAS WRONG I GUESS THATS A THING RIGHT, so i was almost charged 1500 pesoses. But thank Heezuz i was with my mom and she was able to talk through the officer but sadly we had to name drop my Granddad since he was a known regional director at LTO before. Sorry Pops, i swear it’ll be the first and last time.)

Back to real time, i helped him with his errands and was really lucky with the timing coz my Dad went off for a trip and my mom was left with his car. So yup, got the chance to borrow it for half of the day and drove all the way to Maa to get a keyboard his friend is letting him use for the mean time, her name is Jen and she’s the sweetest. (No backstory will be dropped for privacy). Aight, so we drove back to their house at Magallanes but didn’t have enough time to say hi to his folks coz it was noon and they were on siyestas, right. I still regret why i didnt like fake-pee or something tho. HahahahahahahDONTJUDGE. We ate for some late lunch at SML and felt korek coz before we joke about “asa ta nag park?” And now we get to be in the situation haha. It’s funny coz just when i thought things were detoriating between us, the world just chooses to keep things tight and close and say something like “oh, u guys are having an emotional conflict and struggle about ur relationship? Here are things that only REAL couples do and i hope u enjoy em!!” Dumbass. Jokes aside, I drove him home and goodbyes are still awkward, but i was starting to understand the type of ‘low-key’ he means.

Usapang Gym.

Oh wow it’s already the fifth point. If you manage to read this far, congrats! You get nothing but to keep on reading this rollercoaster wreck lmao. I wasn’t expecting he would pay the whole month at our gym and expects me to come with him. And it came to me: i kept on thinking that i should ask for assurance but in reality, he really does mean what he said about just being “me”. Things were different but things also got better. It’s like losing some and gaining some right? Like a body excrcising, losing weight, gaining muscle, idk its a weak analogy but its close enough for yall to understand. It’s our first week today, (it’s Friday) i hope i could keep up tho haha. I guess I’ll keep progress updated? Idkidkidk. Also, i got to mention thats he is VAIN af. Idk if its a good thing or just a tragedy waiting to happen haha. I also became his coach, (oha san kapa haha), he told me he wanted help with increasing his verticle as he would help me with abdominals. So i bought sets of ankle weights only to find out the first one didnt suit him so i had to buy another set. AND IT WAS HALF THE PRICE I BOUGHT THE FIRST SET AND IT WAS BETTER. Prices will be disclosed. (250) So i like, i do my own workout right and he suddenly shows his hot-headed side of things coz he was upset he had to go home early coz there was this no-towel-no-workout policy at my gym so we had to cut our day short.

In times like these, my mind just goes to places to different situations. All the what-ifs start filling up my mind on how he could react to other situations that would cause a similar effect on what his character was showing right. But in the end, i still give kudos to myself coz im able to keep up and cope with how quick his personality changes sometimes. And sometimes, im the one with a crack on the head lmao. Well, most of the time.

TAKE AWAYS.

Fast forward to this very moment, its 11:30 in the evening and im recalling all of this on a positive note. Today was an addition to a great day we had as a rest day from gym. We watched Spiderman: Far From Home and i guess its now my current favorite and HAD to watch it twice.

Speaking of Twice, bruh i want to do a dance cover so bad of #Fancy or #YesOrYes coz i been itching and the choreo is sooo goood! Not to mention Twice was in Manila last 29th of June. *sighs in broke* but i cant say it was the best concert from them coz there were complications like Jungyeon had a sty and was wearing an eye patch the whole concert, Dahyun got sick after along with Mina who wont be attending the 2019 Twicelights Worldtour because she gets anxiety attacks and feels insecure about performing on stage suddenly. I mean i know you got no idea what im talking about but its just sad to think of the fact that even someone so adored by many people, someone who has great physical, social and emotional support, can still feel the lack of these mentally. And if you’re one of those people who feels anxious about anything? I hope you get well soon and i hope you find the true meaning of your purpose in this simulation, because you are not alone. x

In addition to almost wrapping this up, i also treated myself again something from Adidas (coz again, bitch, if no man gon treat me i gon treat myself! HAHA!) which i later on realise i now own 3 bags from there and thinking to get a fourth one....someone help me¿ i also have to mention i already treated myself about a week ago (🎶) by waxing my own axillae, grooming my own brows, a gorgeous lippie from Beauty Cottage called Elegant Impressionist shade #9 Byzantine for half its original price haha, nothing beats fishing me through a sale. Speaking of treat, my Dad gave me my first pair of Tigers man and i cant help but tell yall its the same pair that the He wanted and it totally pissed him off that i got the pair he wanted first so bad and now he doesn’t know what to do coz he’s afraid if we have the same pair we might wear it at the same time and it would be cringy and weird (now for normal people that would sound cute right, matching kicks and all. But no. Not in this lifetime.), since im just blabbering of how im spoiling myself might as well end it here folks.

Guess I’ll keep you updated on how stuff might go on from now since class is fast approaching. Tomorrow I guess I’ll be attending a send-off party for our friend she’s going to the U.S soon. Oh, did i mention the re-run for Endgame is out? 🤔

[oceangl1tter]

revising became poetry

revise(v.)://

1560s, "to look at again," from Middle French reviser (13c.), from Latin revisere "look at again, visit again, look back on," frequentative of revidere (past participle revisus), from re- "again" (see re-) + videre "to see" (from PIE root *weid- "to see"). Meaning "to look over again with intent to improve or amend" is recorded from 1590s. Related: Revised; revising.

I haven’t written here in a long time. I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing that I’m here again writing things I should check-mark off when I find a therapist.  Hurting is a process like poetry. Poetry, unlike prose, is a combination of language that is there and language that isn’t. Hurting is the same. The plan was clear. The idea was that I’d get better and then we could be a together. We could have hurt & healed together. Why did you make me do it alone? To forgive you is to forgive myself. I am unearthing a thousand pains. I let it hurt again. I let the things that slipped by me hit again. Thousands of me are unearthing. They would not cry with me; they would cry with the world.

Mom asks me again if I’m coming back for thanksgiving break and I say no. She teasingly asks if I have a boyfriend and my sister chimes in that it’s okay if I do and that I should tell her, yes or no. When I hang up I feel like throwing up. are there any other things she can ask  i honestly felt like bawling my little poor pea eyes out im in love with a girl i didnt say i said i dont know and i hung up i say i had a falling out with someone i say its better if i dont come back for thanksgiving break mom says its ok since she doesnt do anything anyways strange mercies all around i say theres nothing left for me there here anywhere anyway but i didnt say it i had it in my head when i hung up im supposed to be a bridesmaid but honestly i didnt even know them half of my life and i read back and i realized i say the exact things my mom says cause shes a means to an end to everyone else or atleast she thinks she is but also cause i let it go i let it go cause its okay to be let go and its ok to let it go and im writing this stupid cliche melodramatic shit and im supposed to be someone soon even though no ones wiating for me to but im waiting for me to which is some meta shit but when does it start but when but when does it start right now i feel it not starting its not starting it shoudl start soon i searched far and wide for it to fix itself i stretched my wee hand in there and i couldnt find it and i could not find the thing that made me feel like an empty lima bean so ifigured it must be a fundamental thing because i can not find the thing and i can not fix the thing and i realize while painting i come across an issue i cant fix i look at the painting and its not right u just have a feeling that its not right its like writing poems u read it u write a line and u know its not right u read it it just aint it so what i do is i maek sure i destroy it real good get my palette knife and just scrape it up till u dont even know what it was originally and maybe thats just what it is now  thet hing that is inside me a sickness ehavy in my throat heavy in my liver heavy in my kidney bones heavy maybe that is what it is i took a palette knife and i just caked things on until u cant even c what the thing underneath was whats the thing underneath surprise its a fucking white canvas can u believe it after all this time and honestly whats the hurry cause oil paint never dries today i ate lunchables which were a fucking abominatinon i really paid 3 dollars for cracker cheese and circle hams and 2 oreos if i wanted to know what hunger felt like i should have just went to my room hid under hte covers and hugged myself that must be what hunger is like tyring to pull memories that u think u have but u dont have them anymore like eating lunchables imagingin g  ah yes circle ham cracker and cheese block that is what packed lunch is supposed to taste like i remember it so clearly i remember it like a full moon i remember it like a clear sky above my lunchable cause in front of hunger i am as full as i can be

and i think tht this should last forever i mean i cant eb feeling this forever right but i have been and ithought i coudl fix it in time but does hte body even know what time is the body remember swhat the mind doesnt my mind doesnt remember whwat it feels to be in love and love somoene or feel the l ove seep in honey as hot as if u were to put ur tongue on a stove  but my skin does and it shakes and it shakes trying to rattle it out the sickness out the love & anguish out wash it out mouthwash rinse it out showerwash today i originally had the cliff bar in my hand and not the lunchables but healthy granola bars made me feel too pure so i put them away and i was going to buy peach rings but they also made me think of a toothache so i put it away and i stood in front of hte candy section for a long time not really lookign for anything but thinking atleast i have the guise of a decision free will really doesnt exist when the thing thats inside of u doesnt move no matter how much u will it to, free the beast yes back into the circus back to the casinos back to 25 years ago when ur mother first put on her work uniform and sold her life like that and i spent 1 month cashiering and i thought that this couldnt possibly last forever but for some it does and i now know why things happen the way they do bc they couldnt have happened any other way like i said free will does not exist thank u and welcome to my tedtalk it was 8pm when i started and i have to say 8pm is a very significant time for me because that is when i would lock the doors and shut myself in a place i call homenothome and i sat on the toilet seat and i waited for this girl who was nice until w ewere both not nice anymore but that was before after because before before iw ould stay in the living room and cry myself awake until id smell a scent i ffiound familiar boys and alcohol are an attractive mix until u find that they dont care about u and i wonder if i can find other latchkey kids that would stare at their reflection in their floorboards and pass the time like that when th only other person that remembers u and knows u is ur reflection in the tv orthe floorboards and ithink i shoudl speak to a therapist bc there avery more bad things that i thin k is the reaosn i do not like hugs on the other hand sexual things and not flinchign when a boy touchse u in a not appropriate manner atleast  make me feel osme ssort of way even if it is disgust and i realzlie there are worst things than not being with the person i love because i dnt know wher eth esickness comes from i learned hate when i laid nex t to u and i couldnt get rid of it and smometimes im a scar i try to wipe away for u i tried to wipe away for u i have succeeded and this girl who was nice waited for me until we were both not nice anymore but that was before after which is to say that she would not do it for me anymore which is to say i know loss too well which is to say she was an excepption after which is to say i gave myself a strange mercy which is to say i had done it ofr her even when i was not what she needed which is to say i should do it fo rmyself which is to say i dnt know if i can bc ive already done eveyrhting that i oculd have and i did not want it to be like this i thought i could do it i thouhtght i could be good again i can be good this was supposed to be kind and nice but again it is not and i did not want for u to hold my pain but it hoguht u would like to i wouldl have liked to have held ur pain too.

[emotionsfeelings]

Reflection, france

After being back for a couple of days, I realise I miss being away. There were so much to learn and discover being away and i look forward to foing it again. Meanwhile, I decide to write about my relatively short trip in south of France.

Wherever I go, I like to take in what my senses tell me and observe the everyday activities and practices (even beliefs). From what people have for breakfast to the way they walk and how they hold up their bodies, from the cars they drive to how they do it, from train/tram/bus routes to how people behave in them, from the amplitude and rhythm of speech to what expressions mean, amongst others. There were new and exciting, and at times frustrating because I cant find the words to communicate well. Plus what was special about this trip was I was: ill for most of it. My cold developed to ear bacterial infection causing me to lose hearing on my right ear (I still cant hear well on my right ear but it's getting better). So all the sounds were taken in by one ear and that created a lot of stress for my brain and in turn manifested into my behaviour. I wasnt really pleasant throughout but I had a talk with my partner and we got over it. Albeit it was late into the trip, it did make the last couple of weeks wonderful. I also discover more about myself but I'll talk about that later.

Among the first thing that I noticed when I was in France was the warm hospitality by service stuff and strangers alike. Almost every store I went in - whether a restaurant or a departmental store and whether I bought anything or not - I'm greeted with "bonjour" (hello). And when I left, I'm greeted with "merci, au revoir" (thank you, goodbye) or "au revoir, borne journée " (goodbye, have a nice day). The really welcomed their guests and then sent them a parting prayer. This only happens in France (didnt really happened when I was in Barcelona) and/or when the staff is French. Other nationalities do not openly greet strangers. When I was in Nice, my partner and I were looking for our room and a housemaid saw us. She greeted us and showed us to our rooms, and left saying "borne journée". That afternoon we walked past another housemaid and she didn't say anything. She carried on with her tasks as if we weren't there. When I saw her, I realise she was not French. Probably Spanish or from other European countries. This warm hospitality does make the brief visit very pleasant. It also affects - positively - the experience of eating or buying items - at that place.

On the note on food, there are a lot to mention. Firstly, food portions are huge! And they're relatively affordable. Just to give an idea: a large pizza at Pizza Hut is a single serving for one person. And it cost €12-€15 ($18-$32). Most restaurants have a 3 course meal for €19.50 onwards so it really was worth eating there. The portion was huge too for a pasta or steak too. And customers wait patiently to be attended even if the place was crowded and they saw the waiter scrambling from table to table serving food and taking orders. How long do we usually wait for at a restaurant to be attended to before being terribly annoyed? 5 mins? 10 mins? Most customers usually had to wait for 10 mins longest and everyone was calm when the waiter attended to them. And the different courses will arrive accordingly in a span of at most 30 mins. That's 3 course in 30 mins. Meal times were also somewhat set and this was a practice by everyone - whether they eat at home or at a restaurant (usually tourist places opened earlier and throughout the day). Breakfast was by 9am. Lunch was between 12-2pm. Dinner was from 7pm. No meals or snacks in between. And no supper. Imagine my horror when my food intake cycle was forced to a certain rhythm! It took a long while for my body and mind to settle in. However, the downside was my body held water and sugar more readily than usually. So I became fatter and more round. During meals, people engage with one another in person. Phones are away, even for children. I saw this in France and Spain, and among every Europeans. Only the PRCs were constantly with their phones. The respect the French has for their food was quite synonymous with their everyday greeting gesture (I think in most cultures we can see the correlation too).

I notice most French have good body and walking posture too. Their backs muscles are not tighten and their weight nicely balanced whenever they walk. You can see their spine was engaged and alive. And a lot of elderly, those above 65, walk with nice balance. Not too crouched forward or leaned back, their back muscles are present along with their walk. I mentioned before, Francois mum is 74 and his dad is 81. And they are still strong. They're not on crunches. His mum walked around to the groceries, travel with us, trek calanques. His dad could trek too but he's much slower than before and he took tests at shaded area most of the time. He couldn't travel long distant anymore too because of his age but he was up until he was 79. It made me wonder how they do it. Was it the terrain of the ground? The facts that bus/tram stations are within walking distance (100m-200m instead of 20m from one another)? They lead well balance work-social lives? Could be these reasons. Could be more. But there was something to learn from the south of France.

An aside. I refer it to south of France instead of French/France because things are a little different in Paris. Mostly, the cosmopolitan city are filled with homeless, it's busier and slightly more bustling, people work slightly longer hours because of tourism. Also, I didnt spend a lot of time in Paris so I dont wanna generalise. Back to my entry.

A lot of people drove in France because a car was the most convenient mode of transport, especially for far distance for holidays. And most of the cars were hatchback instead of one with boot. I wondered about that for awhile and thought maybe because people travel a lot and a hatchback can fit more luggage. This was evident on our way back. 3 big luggage fit into a car boot. And also because people parallel park and the roads are relatively small, a hatchback saves a few centimetres so everyone can have a space to park. Oh the French (at least) are experts at parallel parking and driving in small spaces even if their cars are quite big! So it was more a practical demand and supply. Fascinating nonetheless.

And the sounds. From speech to city's rhythm, there were a lot! This was more obvious in Barcelona because Spanish talk really loudly and really fast in an almost staccato rhythm. It sounds "hard" and I had headaches. After 5 days I was very happy to hear French. The liaisons really made hearing more pleasurable although I have to figure out the words at times. But it was alright.

Oh, just wanna say that I disliked Barcelona because I felt it's too noisy and smelly. Smelly because the smell of marijuana was everywhere on the streets! Couple with occasional sewage smell. But things were quite cheap there, from food to clothes. And Gaudi's work and inspiration could be seen throughout the city's modern architecture.

And LGBTQIA persons didnt get stares from the public when couples went out. That was almost surreal for me.

There. There were definitely more moments but I'll keep them for now. I want them to grow and be part of me, like vines in a forest. This trip has definitely taught me a lot. But what's more valuable was what I uncover about myself; my beliefs and biases, preferences and prejudices, what to throw away and what to over/rewrite. And to choose the relationship - personal, romantic, familial - over my own feared ego.