#i didnt fucming deserve any of tje shit he put me through n i haye that ive only just now started shredding
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made a joke 2yrs ago abt if it didnt work out w him id have to just date women
#and thats atarting to look more n more likely#i wish my inabiliyy to move on stemmed from the belief id never find anyone else#but it Literally doesnt#it stems from Luterally finding my needle in a haystack n not wanting to find another now .#'he wasnt that great' oh fuck no. but . its not that simple and i wish ir was but irs not that black n white#i didnt fucming deserve any of tje shit he put me through n i haye that ive only just now started shredding#the awful layer of trauma hed installwd over my skin#but. anyway keep thibling abt how i meet a guy and therws always something Missing i dont like#it sucks n i wonder if this feeling will fade#but it genuinely jusy seems to be Growing even as im dealing and unpacking all the bullshit hes put me through#like . i just. i removed the colour theme i set on our messenger chat this morning bc u do not fucking deserve ut anymore#not if youre . gonna keep doing this to me. n i feel lighter#was it a petty internal punishment for him (as if hes even gonna give a fuck i did that) ? absolutely.#n then i blocked him bc i cabnot havw that channel open. if u wanna talk u gotta rocm up to my house sorry.
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