#i didnt even realize how un me ive been feeling

[inventedfangirling]

What scene/dialogue in bad buddy absolutely devastated you (but in the larger context of the episode and the show got ignored cos we had bigger traumas to unpack) and why for me was it this scene when Pat asks Pran when he's going to get the documents from LogTech and then proceeding to say that he wants to go visit the musical instrument shop?

I cant believe i didnt properly process it earlier but Pat really asked him to go to the musical instrument shop.

Not because he wants to visit the shop but because he cant take one more second of being apart from Pran and whatever this awkward almost hostile distance that Pran had put between them. The fact that he was trying to say that casually, as if all was as "normal" as it was pre rooftop kiss, when he was feeling anything but casual on the inside, his heart being on the bottom of the feelings-roller-coaster he had on been ever since that moment in the instrument shop when it finally hit him, what he had been oblivious to all along, that Pran was there, and that Pat missed him even while he was standing right in front of him and that somewhere along the way he had fallen in love with him without even knowing.

Just look at him. He's so so so in love it physically hurts ME ( an independent (NOT) unbaised (NOT) observer).

And so now he tries to inject a sense of normality and familiarity into this gap in their relationship by asking Pran to accompany him to the instrument store, do what they have done a bunch of times already but this time maybe even in hopes of telling him what he had felt the last time they were there together??!? Do you realize how devastating that is??

Watching Pat ask that with trepidation, for the first time, well and truly unsure of what is or isnt allowed to him in his dynamic with Pran and knowing (in hindsight) Pran's plan of cutting him off at least temporaririly and knowing Pat's efforts wont be reciprocated (for at least a while more) just hurts so bad i almost couldnt believe it didnt strike me the first 5 times i watched the episode.

It's literally just 10 seconds and probably one of the most un-remarkable moments in the entire episode if not show and yet i am so so so deeply shattered by it.

Is that just me being unwell or did you tear up too...? Feel free to add more devastation i really do wanna know if ive missed any more small but not insignificant moments like these.

[dandelion-eyelashes-sf]

Yeah but you cant use the “you owe ppl shit” when you have unspoken expectations that i never agreed to tf

Like this sucks, when ppl want something of you / from you that you already said and showed you cant give them

Like why tf were we friends then- if u wanted more?????? Just fuckin leave me alone

I still dont think you’re entitled, even tho my friends do

I think youre hurt and sad and angry and think that you are right/correct

Half a year may be long to you but its not to me

And also, we werent besties like that, where i would share deeply about my internal gpings on. You noticed and didnt think: hm, if its not reciprocated, then that means it wont be reciprocated. Instead you kept on probing. Like wtf u think u were gonna find??

I want to be rid of this anger and frustration— literally taking up so much mental space and energy

And it was all so unexpected cuz i thought we were good, i thought we were friends, i thought we were casual

I trusted you to be truthful about that and now youre hurt cuz u lied?

Even if i did think you were entitled, why would that be so bad?

It seems like ur un-happy and unsatisfied with anything i gave, so why tf were u here, then???

I accepted you as the person you are and i tried to accommodate your communication style

But you dont give me the same understanding when i goof and dont answer an invitation, like youre not my only friend and youre not my priority?????????? When did i say you were? When did i show you in my actions that you were????????

It was lopsided cuz you were more available, but when did i agree to be the same level of available? It was lopsided cuz i worked to understand you and accept, and you didnt.

What the fuck did u even like about me if all you wanted was me to do more, give more, reciprocate the ways you were showing attention?????

And then you say you got co-dependent tendencies. Like bro work on that shit and dont make it my problem.

Ive been tryna be compassionate and not dismiss your feeling but when i express mine you get all mad and hurt????

Just not the same and i dont wanna be friends no more. Idk if ur gonna wantto anyway. Which if u dont, then good- it saves us an awkward conversation where u want a friendship and i dont.

God cant do nothin w scorpios tf lol

Ok i think im good i think im ready to release this shit cuz its FUCKING RIDICULOUS

Fuccccck lol how did i end up here? Blind-sighted by this bullshit.

Anyway anyway i release it all (it may come back but itll be less and less each time)

Im frustrated and thats ok cuz it dont make sense

Im angry cuz I ACTUALLY WAS CONSISTENTLY SHOWING WHO AND HOW I AM AND WHAT I WANTED and she ignored that shit

I angry and hurt cuz i thought i had a friend but turns out she wanted more from me

And aint that typical - how do i avoid this situation in the future?

Im sad cuz it was fun while it lasted but not so sad to miss it or want it back

But as i reflect on my other friends who love me and know me and accept me and remind who i am and remind me im loved as i am, i realize that this friendship was never gonna end up at that level

Not with her pining for something that would never come, not with her ignoring my words about being casual, not her ignoring what tf i show her when i wasnt as available as her in any sense off the word, not with her tryna get me to open up and then asking if she makes me anxious and how can she make me more comfortable? Girl pls wake up to reality

The friends I instantly clicked with and the friends who grew into what we are , both types of friendships were borne out of mutual understanding and acceptance of who we are. Safety came from experience and time and showing up for each other/ letting each other in. Idk , you cant force that.

Anyway, this situation sucks but ive made up my mind that im outtie and im not gonna engage with anymore nonsense.

[missauthorette]

Oh no.

I took a 5 hour energy expecting to not only have to finish clean my whole living area(downstairs living room, bathroom, spare bedroom and weird unused bar area) but also to have to be enthusiastic and welcoming to people i am not related to, and have met exactly 2 (two) times in my entire 23 years of life.  They arent even gonna be here until wednesday at the earliest now. And. Id kpt my personal maintenance up enough that everything was actually really easy to clean? SO.  Im done and just sitting here in my now weirdly uncluttered living space. And im not mildly dissociated for the first time in apparently almost a week (which in retrospect explains a lot).  i.  I should be doing something. But my hobbies will litter up the living room because they’re semi messy by nature? Like. I’ve got maybe a bit of dnd prep i can putter with but i dont know how well i can focus on that rn. 

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s Daughter (The Intense Years)

Tony Stark x daughter!reader

warnings:

a/n: y/n is 16-17, also ive really never written anything about team iron man so this was weird, someone needs to tell me i dont need every single movie detail in here

prompt: takes place from cacw and smhc

The Early Years (1) The Teenage Years (2) The Aftermath (4) Continued (5)

after the events in sokovia, you set up the relief fund for displaced sokovians and dealt with physical clean up while the avengers...

well, they had to deal with the press—and the governments of the world

getting to know your new suit AI, JOSHUA

briefly looking for bruce; no luck there

you ended up doing the MIT september foundation presentation with tony

and ending the presentation after pepper’s name popped up on the screen

“it’s probably best we get out of here”

you were his entire support system while he was going through his break with pepper

meeting charles spencer’s mother, who really gave your dad a piece of her mind

“my son died, but your daughter gets to live on. if you lost her, maybe you’d show some sympathy for murdering my child”

*awkward silence from you*

*awkward silence from tony otw to the compound*

HATING the sound of the sokovia accords, yet understanding why they’re being ratified

being torn between signing them or not and having a huge argument with the other avengers

“y/n, why dont you listen to your dad for once and sign the damn thing”

“uncle rhodey, you know why i dont want to sign. if they have us, they have access to our suits. you really think the UN should be telling us how to use them?”

“your defense doesn’t even make sense. i had the war machine or iron patriot or whatever the hell you want to call it, but the military was calling the shots”

“and look where you are now”

“right, well i wouldn’t expect a kid to understand”

“are you kidding me, rhodes? you’re gonna play the ‘im older than you’ card?”

comforting wanda while she feared being taken

and as soon as you heard about what happened in lagos

“think about it, maximoff. if you didnt do what you did, do you know how many more casualties there may have been?”

“but i killed innocents”

“no, rumlow killed innocents. you contained that blast better than anyone else could have and you prevented a whole bunch of deaths, give yourself some credit”

okay, so you weren’t the best at talking someone down while they were upset

staying in berlin with your father while the whole bucky thing began to get sorted out

but he sent you out to stay with nat while he had some “private time” with steve

tony keeping you close to him during the power outage at the base

until it turned out you brought your suit and tony did not!

everyone was looking at you to take down bucky, but it just seemed like a bad idea, you didn’t want to hurt him because you didn’t want to hurt steve

stalling to try and buy steve time to subdue his friend

“y/n, come on, for christ sake!”

“got it, dad! i know what im doing!”

“i dont think you do!”

feeling your stomach drop when bucky shot into your dad’s hand, if it wasn’t for his latest invention, he may have gotten seriously hurt

you had a slight change of heart after that, you couldn’t bare to lose your dad. not after all those close calls...

getting yelled at by secretary ross and the wonderful 36 hour ultimatum you, nat, and tony received

“i have a plan”

“don’t say the spider boy”

“fine, i wont say it”

a nice trip to queens :)

when this parker kid finally got home, tony left you to socialize with his aunt

small talk is sometimes unbearable

“so, what’s it like being tony stark’s daughter?”

“honestly? im always tired”

peter becoming a tagalong on your mission, which you didn’t really think was appropriate

“dad, i dont really think we should’ve brought the kid...”

“why? you’re about the same age as him, its not much different”

“um...no, i meant this isnt his battle. i don’t care how old he is”

face off between tony and cap where you literally just swallowed all your pride and apologized because you couldn’t handle the fact that the team was being ripped apart like this

team ups with Spider-Man

“so, uh, do you hate me or something?”

“hey, kid? we’re kind of in the middle of something, i’ll get back to you on that”

“it’s a yes or no question, y/n”

“pass”

so, things didn’t exactly go as planned...

your (former) teammates were taken to the RAFT and you couldn’t pull it together in front of them

they were pretty pissed at you

“im sorry, im so sorry, i should’ve done better”

they ignored you (up until scott lang)

“all you stark’s are the same”

“stay out of this, bugboy”

taking to the remote hydra base in another famous father/daughter teamup

“just like the old days, right kiddo?”

“i guess so”

“hey, cheer up, it’s not all that bad”

waltzing right in there to meet your friend and foe

seeing the video of your grandparents dying

*being killed

absolutely stunned by seeing such a gruesome thing

even after all you’ve seen, this really got to you

you were robbed of ever meeting them, which made you angry, but you couldn’t stay angry because there were so many things out of everyones control

realizing that this was a good time to hold tony back

“JOSHUA, lock down y/n’s suit. protocol: baby gate”

apparently your dad still had some old protocols in your suit that you hadn’t found yet

“JOSHUA? reboot! override protocol: baby gate”

“i’m sorry, miss y/n, but i cannot do that”

watching your father attempt to get revenge

and get critically injured

simultaneously working on opening the suit back up for a bad plan

finally getting the emergency release and stumbling out of your suit, rushing towards the conflict and throwing yourself in the middle of it

“please, dad. enough damage has been done.”

“y/n, get out of the way”

he saw you shaking and crying and he realized what he was doing

attacking the only family you guys really had

getting shoved out of the way so that they could end this fight once and for all

JOSHUA finally rebooting and bringing the suit over to shield you while you helplessly watched the end of this fight

when bucky and steve left, your suit disarmed and you crouched down beside your father

“come on, let’s just go home”

“im sorry”

“i know, it’s okay”

trying to comfort your dad after his defeat

you picked up cap’s shield and returned to your suit, it was time to go home

after a brief time of recovery (while you helped work on uncle rhodey’s prototype prosthetics), there was a slight change of plans for you

“okay, so for your punishment after what you pulled during my...divorce with cap, you’re going to babysit the spiderling so you gain some perspective”

“hold on, what?! what do you mean ‘perspective?’”

“i mean you dont know what it’s like to be in charge of the life of a teenager, so now you get to find out! congratulations on your promotion!”

it was not fun at all because peter kept blowing up your phone and you kept having to tell him there was nothing for him to do

Y/N: I’ll let you know when there’s a spider-level threat, kapeesh?

P. Parker: Yes, ma’am, sorry.

peter going behind your back to do some “superhero work”

and you having to swoop in to fix everything last second

“come on, you stole my thunder, y/n!”

“no, peter, i saved your life. next time you have a lead, call me first”

and then he didn’t 😌✨💕

“Y/N, incoming call from ‘big fat meanie’”

“put him through, JOSHIE...hey dad, how’s dubai?”

“taking care of a kid is harder than it looks, isn’t it?”

“don’t start with me”

damage control ahahah 🤡

“peter, why cant you just call me in? you don’t stop texting me for months but for this you go radio silent? you almost died. and you put a bunch of lives in danger! do you want me to have to go to your aunt and tell her you died?”

“im sorry! i just...i dont want to be a sidekick”

“kid, you’re gonna have a long time to make a name for yourself...but not if you’re dead!”

he started crying and you were very uncomfortable so you tried to hug him? it helped.

letting him off easy (just like your dad did to you growing up)

but apparently tony came back and took the suit anyways and you were pretty pissed about it

avengers moving day :) yes, part of your punishment was helping happy with moving day and hearing him gush about how you were “growing into such a responsible adult”

“happy i dont know if you noticed but ive basically been an adult since i was 12”

“keep telling yourself that, kiddo”

seeing an explosion and immediately knowing it was peter

“i’ll see you later, happy, love you!”

investigating the crash site and whaddaya know, there’s peter and his first bad guy, you were kind of proud

“peter, you okay?”

“nope!”

“okay, cool”

more damage control lmao (a/n: yall sick of damage control yet?)

a congratulatory call from your dad

“hey! you did pretty good, all things considered. why don’t you take the kid to the avengers compound for his special surprise?”

“aye aye, see you soon.”

“love you, kiddo”

“you too, dad”

quick fast forward to peter rejecting the position as an avenger while the press was outside, yes, you were surprised

but then your dad finally proposed to pepper, it was a pretty cool engagement announcement

“y/n, will you be my maid of honor?”

“duh!”

happily ever after (a/n: until the next part is up)

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[jamboreeofsurprises]

idk how to say this in a way that wont come across as whiny and dumb and make it even more apparent how autistic i am but whatever, its my personal blog, it’s meant to be a judge-free zone anyway. its not like im not putting out this thought to change how anyone feels about anything im just ranting.

pixar has been an important special interest of mine for decades (!) as their movies were literally some of the only movies i looked forward to seeing as a kid. i hated going to the theater because of the sensory nightmare of it all but braved it for pixar movies because they tickled my imagination so much. nearly every year had a new pixar movie which was a big event in my life for that year. i think they have struggled a lot since the 2010s especially as an over-focus on sequels happened (largely as a result of corporate disney grip) so don’t assume by any means i’m uncritical of them. as with anything else i like, i’m not about to pretend like it’s golden all the time just because i’m a fan

but i feel like most of my mutuals now immediately want to assume negatively of pixar because theyre mainstream and un-vogue and pretend like the incredibly stagnant, unchanged western animation landscape they were born of didn’t exist and how crucial their defiance towards it was for moving the medium forward. when it came to western animated movies we had disney movies and disney-imitation movies, that is to say, Fairy Tale Musicals and Other Fairy Tale Musicals. which, don’t get me wrong, i love a good fairy tale musical, but pixar were special and not just for beautifully introducing & advancing 3d cg feature animation, but because their angle was telling completely new stories that challenged this whole format. it was absolutely a breath of fresh air. and the movies could be pretty genuinely touching too for both older and younger members of the audience, usually without even having to have melodramatic character deaths or anything. monsters inc. is pure character-motivated drama and the ending made me cry buckets as a kid and still does because the characters are lovable and relatable. you don’t have to throw in a dead parents backstory or whatever for me to sincerely feel that emotion for them.

as we ushered into the 00s and walt disney animation, dreamworks, etc got a load of the critical and commercial success of pixar, their response was to copy the technology but very little of the creativity/heart. dreamworks i have come to realize at least with Shrek were still doing something pretty subversive albeit in a different direction that i think was forward-thinking but by and large, attempts to hop on the wagon of what made Pixar capture the world’s attention were pretty misguided. i think as the 00s progressed more unique animated movies started coming out as things picked up real good around 2009 (you need only glance at the academy nominations that year to realize just how varied and good every entry was) so pixar kinda got left in the dust a bit in the 2010s, and the change of direction didnt help but my god, that doesnt override their significance in the whole pantheon of animation. but i feel like everyone is forgetting that and it makes me feel like im losing my mind that im the only person remembering just how crummy most other american animated movies of the 00s were. dont get me wrong im not saying that anyone who dislikes pixar or is critical of a movie of theirs is doing it to be some Mean Hater™, but i feel that the level of negativity is strangely disproportionate to that of other animation studios which is like ??? is it just because people like them and have for years so now we have to turn that around arbitrarily?

idk i just feel like because other studios have stepped up their game some people discredit pixar entirely and that hurts. the thing that has sucked the most about it is how i don’t even feel allowed to eagerly anticipate anything pixar is going to put out even when i want to because it has to immediately be couched in such harsh judgment and discourse, which /*AGAIN*/ is not me saying they’re infallible and should never be criticized. anything and everything is open to criticism, i have my own apprehensions about some of their movies too. i just feel like the aura of negativity online surrounding each pixar release now leaves me an anxious mess while anticipating/watching the movie instead of going into it with the childlike wonder i want to go in with and could go in with because i feel like ppl are going to think i’m basic or just flat out stupid for liking the thing, no matter how sincerely.

which like, i’m not friggin basic. kanashimi no belladonna is one of my favorite animated movies lol. and so is up (the movie that made me interested in animation & storytelling as artforms), ratatouille, etc ... its almost like some mainstream things are good and popular for a reason?

this rant isnt even telling you anything, i know ive historically been overly sensitive to people being critical/negative about things that mean a lot to me and i need to get the hell over it, i just feel frustrated by everyone’s relentless negativity these days and feel like at this point so much of it’s not even coming from good faith

[drkcnry67]

title: Do Not Stand At My Grave And Cry, Just Know That I Love You!

kink- grinding

Dark- Murder

Heaven & Hell- Silver/Salt/holy Water

Pairing: Jensen x Reader/Dick Grayson x Reader/ back to Jensen(R** H***) x Reader

rating: 14+

word count (if Applicable): 25,167

tags:  MURDER, MAIN CHARACTER DEATH, RESURRECTION, LEAGUE OF SHADOWS, TATTOOS, MENTIONS OF GRINDING IN A JACUZZI, MAKE OUT SESSIONS, LAZARUS PIT

created for  @spndarkbingo @spnkinkbingo @heavenandhellbingo​

~in training we find our strengths, weaknesses and let our minds wander. In times of solace we learn what it means to be human.~

 Your name is YN. your street name is Batwoman. Your city is Gotham. Your mentor is the very thing criminals in your city fear, Batman. His sidekick was Robin, but Batman had another sidekick through the years that became your best friend and overall badass patrol partner, Batgirl. 

The robin that was there when you joined up decided a new persona of his own, Nightwing. The Robin who stepped into the light was named Jensen and he would soon become the love of your life. 

2 years later after many nights of crime fighting, going on dates, making out, etc. you and Jensen were out on a nice walk through the Gotham central park, the sun was setting and it was your night.

~in ourselves is an alternate persona, one that comes out with our actions or emotions. In times of anger we find that persona is present more than normal.~

Tonight was the eve of the first snowfall, this happened every year but it was a special night for you and Jensen this was the night 2 years to the day that you guys became an official item. Bruce & Barb had taken the patrol for the evening, you and Jensen went for a stroll. 

Jensen: “YN, lets never stop doing this!”

YN: “what, walking through the cold on the eve of the first snow? Or kicking ass as crime fighters?”

Jensen Laughed holding you closer to keep you warm.

Jensen: “both. Being with you has really opened my eyes to the beauty around me & taught me to believe in all i can be with or without the mask. Thank you for being my everything. Come lets take a seat…”

Jensen brought you to a bench over looking the fountain which was just starting to glow. You take a seat by the fountains glow as Jensen gets down on one knee.

Jensen: “YN, my love, my life, my crime fighting partner dont ever underestimate how deeply i love you. But it is time to take the next step in our relationship… YN, will you do the incredible honor of marrying me?”

Jensen watched your eyes go wide at the sight of a 14k white gold petite twist diamond ring.

YN: “yes… Jensen Yes!”

You both got up and were about to share a passionate kiss but immediately felt a strange presence. You were being watched. 

This was Gotham city after all, the wackos only came out at night and crime was apart of the normality. 

Jensen: “you have made me the happiest man on earth.”

You both  now standing still ready for anything still happy, still enjoying the moment decided to move more into the light away from the fountain. You now did what you knew would be right.

YN (over coms): “batgirl, where are you guys right now?”

Barbara (over coms): “near Wayne Tower. Are you guys alright?”

YN (over coms): “we are being hunted…”

Bruce (over coms): “dont do anything stupid make your way to the edge of the park we will be there in 5.”

The coms cut. You and Jensen linked hands and minded your surroundings as you made your way towards the edge of the park. But at that moment coming from near the water, you guys were unaware of the danger that would soon befall you that night.

~for it is in the darkest of times when we realize that the way we live our lives now, is not how we should live them. Sometimes its better to give into the darkness than to just let it simmer on the surface.~

About halfway from the entrance you guys noticed a shadow lurking behind you. You & Jensen were testing out the new weapons bracelets that Wayne Tech was developing with your help. 

Jensen: “this night wouldnt be complete without someone or something trying to kill us…”

YN: “its totally fine at least it didnt happen during the proposal… now lets kick some ass.”

Jensen: “dont worry love, soon Bruce & Barb will be here and we will all be home before sunrise for some much needed S & R! How do…”

Thats when the same laugh that struck nerves within you so many times before, the same laugh that sent your mind into a nervous frenzy every single damn time. You guys were now interrupted indefinitely & un-be-knownst to both of you this would be the last time both of you would see eachother.

Joker: “look at this Batwoman & Robin now engaged how sweet. Taste my new Joker knockout gas…”

He shot the gas your way but both of you were up in the tree near by before it could even be near you. You threw down a smoke pellet and both of you made a run for the gate but it was too late. You were gassed but you stayed awake long enough to watch Jensen being dragged away. 

YN (before passing out): “Jensen…”

You lost consciousness about 5 seconds not even later.

~your best friend is someone you can always count on, someone who will always be there for you, but if you have more than one best friend there is a chance that one of them could be your soulmate in more ways than one.~

Barb & Bruce arrive on scene they enter the park, its not a ¼ way inside the park Barb was the one to notice you laying on the ground.

Barb: “Batman over here…”

Within seconds they were at your side… 

Bruce: “she is under the influence of Jokers knockout gas we have to get her back to the cave before she wakes up and freaks. Joker must have Jensen, we cannot make a scene. We have to get her out of here.”

Bruce used his remote to call the batmobile closer, he then pick you up and had Barb sit in the front seat before he placed you gently on her lap crossing your form cross both his and Barbs laps. He then sped off towards the cave, upon arrival and parking the batmobile he got out going round to the other side taking you out of Barb’s lap he made sure to bring you to the observation table.

Both Dick and Alfred hooked up IV and started checking your vitals, bandaging any wounds. But it was Barb who noticed the way Dick was staring at you. 

Barb and Bruce went to de-suit while Dick just sat by your side…

Dick: “dont worry YN we will find him, we will bring him home to you. I promise…”

Barb and Bruce came out of the de-suiting chamber, Dick was now making sure you were comfortable and finishing patching up one of your wounds. 

Bruce: “how is she?”

Dick: “she is cold, her body has gone into some sort of shocked state. She is also a bit dehydrated, she needs to gain rest and relaxation. We need to find Joker asap! He needs to pay for what he has done.”

For as much as Bruce agreed with Dick’s statement, he knew that there was a very very high chance that as soon as you woke up you would be going after Joker yourself. 

Barb: “uh guys we may want to rethink any hope of keeping YN out of the hunt for Joker!”

She ran her finger over the ring on your left hand this drew the looks of Bruce and Dick from Barb to the ring on your left hand. 

Bruce: “oh my word.”

Dick: “what do you know Jensen did it!”

Barb: “wait a minute wait wait you all knew about this? Why did i not know?”

Bruce: “cause Jensen wanted it to be a surprise. He came to me about a month ago asking for some money so he could quote get YN the best christmas present ever! I did give him what he asked for at the feeling of what he was gonna do but i know that she is gonna try to leave the cave when she wakes we cannot let her do that. Not after what she has just been through.”

No one was surprised by this but they all went to do their own thing, Bruce started scanning the city for Joker so he would be able to tell you that he was already on it. 

Dick was punching a bag, he was angry and upset he was not sure what would happen. 

Barb however had not left your side, she knew you would need her there when and if you woke soon. 

It was a few moments later that you woke up, you sat straight up screaming, Barbara pulled you into her embrace, this made you calm down alot. barb sat there holding you close for a while before you were only sobbing softly into her shirt.

Barb: “shhh girl hey its okay, take some deep breaths. You can speak when your ready we are not gonna push you to tell us anything right now.”

You laxed more into Barbs embrace you had flashbacks of the events that unfolded just a few hours before.

YN: “Jensen proposed. Joker knocked me out and then his goons dragged Jensen off. That clown is gonna die painfully for taking my fiance. I have to go and sweep the city, i have to find them, i have to save Jensen.”

You attempt to get up to leave but are immediately stopped by hands holding you in place. 

Bruce: “let me deal with that clown. He isn’t going to do anything to Jensen. He isn’t gonna have the chance to do anything else to anyone ever again. I’ll personally see to it that you are the one who gets to play executioner for that clown.”

Now being stuck still in Barb’s arms, you were fine, but being told that you weren’t going on this mission to find your fiance’s kidnapper was at the top of the list of things you were not okay with.

YN: “Bruce i dont just wanna sit here and do nothing. You cant bar me from going on mission. Leave me alone bruce, if i cant go on the mission then Barb take me to the penthouse. I refuse to stay here. Dick please do what you can to keep me informed on the progress.”

Barb helped you off the table, leading you guys to the elevator reaching the top you both exit at your own pace. 

Alfred: “what can i help you ladies with?”

Barb: “can you go to our rooms and grab our backpacks. Please then pull the car around. We aren’t staying here tonight.”

Alfred: “did something happen…”

Barb and you just turned away from the elevator walking towards the entry way.

Barb: “ask Bruce.”

Alfred stayed where he was he figured that if you and Barb had come up that Bruce and Dick might follow. Sure enough a few moments later the elevator opened again to reveal Dick and Bruce coming out of the elevator. Thats when Alfred went to go quickly grab yours and Barbs Backpacks.

Bruce: “girls wait, YN your an essential part of this team. Joker took Jensen to get back at me. To take revenge against batman. I swear i’ll get him back whatever it takes. You have my word.”

Dick chimed in also…

Dick: “dont worry YN we will get him back, nothing is gonna stop us from doing that.”

Barbara: “dont do anything we wouldnt do. Just be careful. Alfred we are ready to go when you are.”

You and Barb waited a few more moments before alfred came fully into view again. He was holding both of your packs as he ushered both of you to the car. Upon exiting the manor the cool night air hit you like nothing. 

All you felt emotionaly was nothing, your emotions were not cooerating. Your physical form was still shaken from the events of earlier. But was comforted by the gentle touch of your best friend you felt that she cared for your wellbeing. 

Barb: “dont worry girl, Jensen is tough he wont let Joker break him not knowing that he has you waiting for him.”

YN: “what if they cant find him in time?”

Barb turned to stand in front of you… 

Barb: “we cant afford to think like that. We have to stay strong. Hey i know we should’ve been celebrating your engagement already but we can still do that. Alfred Gotham Royal hotel please.”

Your mind only worked as well can could be expected after the nights traumatic events. Upon reaching the car Alfred held the door open as you slid in beside barb. Alfred handing you both your backpacks. 

He then went to start the car and begin the drive. He turned back to slightly look at you and Barb, your blank expression staring out the window, your thoughts swimming, your fear swirling, your tear ducts ready to spill, your body quivering. 

Apart from the fact that you were traumatized to every single extent, your only comfort was in the fact that Barb’s hand hadn’t left yours. You turned your attention to her and immediately was overwhelmed by the feeling of her overwhelming care for your wellbeing. 

Barb: “hey are you okay?”

You shook your head, your tear ducts now flowing freely, the street light reflecting the tears in your eyes. Barb only saw the sorrow in your eyes. You scooted closer to Barb and leaned your head on her shoulder. Your head nestled into the crook of her neck, your feeling of sorrow desimated a bit. 

You began feeling a bit better, a bit better than you had for hours. Within a few moments later of that you guys felt the car stop. 

Alfred: “alright ladies before we get out of the car will you be needing a ride home tonight.?”

Barb: “not tonight, possibly not for a while Alfred. But we will keep you informed.”

Alfred: “Lady YN may i ask how you are doing?”

YN: “im worried Alfred, i havent been away from Jensen this long before. Alfred, i have a bad feeling about this.”

Alfred: “not to worry, I’m sure once Master Bruce and Master Dick have found even the slightest trace of Joker they will do the right thing and inform you both immediately.”

You both watched as Alfred got out of the car and come round to the door on the passenger side and opened it letting both you and Barb out. Carrying your backpacks you both strolled away from the car. 

YN: “thanks Alfred.”

With a smile Alfred gets back in the car and drives away. You both walked into the hotel and were stopped by a concierge.

Concierge: “can i help you ladies?”

YN: “we are the ladies of the owner of this hotel. Call him and ask but we are headed to the penthouse.”

The concierge immediately had his head in a bowing kind of embarrassed look.

Concierge: “i’m so sorry ladies, Mister Wayne didnt inform me that people would be coming.”

Barb: “its quite alright now can you send up some of your finest jello shots, 2x 2L of pepsi and a platter of pigs in a blanket, as well as a bottle of tequila and a few fluffy housecoats with some nice blue shades of nail polish. Please.”

Concierge: “of course miss, i’ll send your order in straight away. If you ladies need anything else please do not hesitate to ask.”

Barb nodded her head in gratitude as you both walked away towards the elevator, the entire way up your head was on Barb’s shoulder, coming out of the elevator you both made you way to the couch where you set your bags down.

Barb’s eyes never left your form as you proceeded to strip off your shirt and walk out onto the balcony, she didnt question it either for she knew you were still shaken over the events of the evening. 

YN (in a whisper carried off by the wind): “Jay i hope your okay.”

---------------------

Meanwhile Joker was hiding in what he percieved to be plainish sight, he had taken up hiding in an abandoned warehouse just on the outskirts of Diamond District Gotham. 

Joker: “okay pumpkin lets clear something up…” 

He said smiling darkly as he approached Jensen with a crowbar.

Joker: “whats wrong.?. nothing to say?.?”

Jensen immediately spat in Jokers face before speaking once more.

Jensen: “do your worst clown, but when they find me and yes they will find me, you are gonna wish you were dead… the pain and torture you put me through tonight is nothing compared to what ive endured in the past.”

Joker: “i see i’m gonna have to teach you some manners. Now tell me what hurts more when i hit you with this crowbar.” 

Jensen’s only thoughts were of you, were of what he assumed may be your last moments together. He was okay dying if it meant he would not have anything to regret. Joker began to hit Jensen with the crowbar swinging it left, right, up, down, there was blood and pain to be seen and felt. 

----------------

This went on for several days.  Bruce & Dick finally one night got an annonymous tip from the league of shadows that Joker was spotted around the warehouses on the out skirts of Diamond District. 

Bruce was on the road and out the door faster than Dick who decided to patch through coms to both you and barb so you both could be filled in. but one other person showed up in the hotel room but a few moments before. 

--------------------

That went something like this:

Talia: “YN, Barbara…”

Barb was the only one to get off of the couch at that moment, you stayed where you were. You had nothing going for you. You and Barb had just been sitting there relaxing. You hadnt even thought about anything else not even the incident in the past few days. 

Barbara: “what do you want Talia?”

Talia: “take it down a notch Barbara, im here as a personal favor to YN. i heard what happened im just making sure she is okay.”

Barbara looked from you to Talia and back to you.

Barbara: “am i missing something? Besides Bruce how do you guys know eachother?”

You were the one to answer that question… 

YN: "I met Talia years ago in Europe. She is the one that helped me recover after my first run in with Joker. That's why I went to Europe was to get out of the city for a while. I couldn't bring myself to do anything in Gotham so I ended up going on a European tour of my ancestral grounds. I also went to Romania and toured transylvania. Draculas castle was certainly one of the most beautiful places I had seen on my European experience. Though they said that the site where Dracula had supposedly been buried was reported to no longer be in transylvania. But somewhere unknown. Whoever were to find it would be named the soul owner of his castle. For me that was a quest of a lifetime but before I could make it too far back through the French Swiss side I was on the border of Nanda Parbat when Talia and her guard found me they stopped me at the border..."

Talia cleared her throat and proceeded to speak from where you left off.

Talia: “when i found her entering Nanda Parbat i brought her to my garrison on the eastern side of the Leagues base. When i knew it was time and i had gotten some information out of her i brought her to stand before my father. This was before he betrayed me… this was before Nyssa my sister filled his head with lies, blaming me for a betrayal against the demons head that she orchestrated in her own right. She knows im seen as fathers strongest warrior, she wants to rule the league after my father decides he wants to surrender the throne. But enough of that i heard about the engagement YN congratulations.”

The engagement, the ring that was on your finger, the ring that meant so much to you in those first few moments of having it on, that day still silent in the back of you mind. That day that you dreaded so much was the day that your happiness seemed to have been taken away from you.

YN: “thank you for the congratulations but i dont feel much like celebrating…”

Talia: “i know thats the other reason why im here, by now my guard would have tipped off the Bat. you need to know that he will probably already be on his way to the location. My guard has spotted the clown with your robin. You need not give up just yet, you would be surprised at how fast the detective can move when the ones he cares deeply about are in peril.!.”

YN: “i just hope Jensen is okay… please tell me your guard found out how he is?”

Talia: “he is hurt very badly. The clown has not been kind on him. My guard heard screams however small yet muffled they were.”

Barb was skeptical but yet was very concerned for her best friend as it turned out had not been as honest about everything concerning her trip as she had thought…

Barb: “so why come to us directly… what do you want out of this?”

Talia: “ive spent a better part over the last few years silently training with YN without the knowledge of the dark knight. YN i know that you upset, i know your not in a good place right now but i want you to know how deeply proud of you i am for how  well you have done by handling yourself with these recent events. If things go badly ill take you away on a elite guard retreat, where i will help you grieve in every way possible. Now kneel with me “Siru Alnnari” till we recieve news of how Jensen is recovered.”

You got off the couch and knelt in the shorts and sports bra you had on beneath the house coat. This made you more aware of your surroundings than you had been prior to Talia’s arrival as you honed your senses further. Barb now was texting with Dick. she was updating him on you and how your healing process was going.

----------------------------

Dick decided then to call Barb… he knew she would not mind hearing from him. Their conversation went something like this:

Dick: “hey Barb, look i know we didnt leave off on the best terms. But i want you to know i wasnt choosing sides it was cause of my genuine care for you and YN that i do  wanna say that the mansion is not the same without you beautiful ladies! Speaking of YN how is she?”

Barb had to breathe for a moment before giving her answer.

Barb: “not good, Dick did you know that YN has been secretly training with Talia?”

Dick had to step out of the room, he had been sitting in the cave with Bruce, Dick had to leave the area before giving his answer so Bruce would not find out.

Dick: “yes i know about that. I promised to keep it from everyone especially Bruce.”

Barb: “Talia & Yn are meditating, i havent seen YN relax a lick since that dreaded day a week ago. But now she is in some sort of relaxation state. Dick i am worried about her, she also hasnt eaten very much since being here.”

Dick had to breathe now having heard that now having heard how you were, what you were doing. He now thought about his time with the league, when he had been there with Bruce, how he had become apart of the league through that, through being Bruce’s ward. 

Dick: “i guess if anyone else should know about this its you but YN isnt the only one whose been training secretly with Talia… Bruce had his training years before i came into his life, i went with him once to do some more training and so he could retake his league oath. When they met me they made me one of them too. Talia has been training with me as much as she has YN. but hey dont worry so much about this, YN is a tough one she will be fine. But how bout you, how are you doing with all this?”

Barb had to answer very very carefully she felt herself beginning to break. She knew what would happen if she said too much of what her brain was trying to comprehend.

Barb: “honestly i am about as alright as can be with everything thats going on. Hows Bruce doing with his retrieval?”

Dick: “he is just coming up to the location… stand by for further updates. And Barb we both are really sorry for how we acted…”

-----------------------------------------

Barb could only smile on her end of the conversation as she now through the rest of the conversation that she and Dick were having, was hearing the league chanting that you and Talia were giving off. She felt a wave of peace wash over her as if she were being drawn into your state of mind. 

Over the next little while Barb watched as you and Talia continued to meditate… Dick was communicating with Bruce about his skulking around, scoping out the warehouse. But then thats when the conversation that would soon end your hopes of getting to formally announce your engagement to Jensen… 

---------------------------------

Bruce: “Dick patch me through to the girls they will want to listen as i go in for extraction.”

Dick: “i dont know if thats a good idea, when i spoke to Barb she said that YN has barely eaten and if this doesnt end well, she thinks YN might not come back to the mansion for a while. You know as well as i that worry is part of this line of work. I know we have been a family since we all joined up with you and none of us regret doing that. We regret nothing, but YN is the glue that keeps our broken family together and i dont think we want to loose that…. So be gentle when you speak… she is still a little frazzled according to Barb.”

Bruce: “dont worry about me i can handle anything that those 2 can throw at me…”

Bruce waited patiently on his perch to be connected to Barb.. 

Barb: “Bruce…”

Bruce: “i wanted to let you know that no one blames you for what has happened. I want you to know that i am doing everything in my ability to bring Jensen Home but I wanted someone over there to be able to know how the progress is going… "

Barb: "Bruce we shouldn't have left how we did… It was wrong of us to leave in the first place.. But I wouldn't have let her leave on her own. I had to go with her… No matter how things go I'm sure we will all have a normal ish Christmas at the manor. Like we do every year."

Bruce had gone silent, for now he was placing a sound device good for listening closer to enclosed buildings on the path hidden but still close enough to hear what was going on inside. 

-------------------------

Meanwhile this is what he heard… 

Along with more blood curling screams, he heard the following being spoken.. 

Joker: "okay Daddy’s gotta go, be a good boy, do all your homework, dont stay up late and hey please tell the big man i say Hello!”

Joker walked out of the door laughing his way down the path. Jensen wiggled himself upright making it to the locked door, but the pain was too much his ribs were beyond broken. Thats when Jensen looked to the left of the door and saw the beginning of a line of bombs. The place was rigged to explode.

He sent his last thoughts out to you, not wondering if you would ever marry anyone else, not more wondering if he would ever live long enough to marry you himself, his last muffled words were, “I Love You, YN.”

The building exploded 5 seconds later, Batman was caught in a cloud of dust & debris. Batman a while later crawled out of the debris & went onto coms…

~when we think we are immune to the bad and the ugly, that's when they usually find us… Trouble waits till we are vulnerable before it strikes. In any situation we don't want to panic for that won't help anyone.~

Barb: “Bruce i heard an explosion what happened?”

Bruce had to compose himself before answering… 

Bruce: "Barb, I'm sorry that explosion was the building that Jensen was in… He didn't make it… I just found his… What the hell… Patch me through to Talia her father's up to no good again." 

Barb did her thing and patched Bruce through to Talia, who was not surprised to hear from Bruce. 

--------—------------------

Talia: "detective." 

Bruce: "Talia what would your father want with Jensen's body?" 

Talias sudden gasp, brought you out of stasis.. 

Talia: "my father wants to use the Lazarus pit to bring him back…. Get close to the guards if possible and let me talk to them…" 

Bruce goes up to the guards, he rerouted his come to his gauntlet to allow communication between Talia and the guards. 

Talia: "this is Talia daughter of the demons head which guards are you?" 

One of the guards now spoke… 

Guard: "Carter and guards 456 and 747… we are here behalf of your father mi'lady… He wants the body of this young man…" 

Talia: “why does he want the body of this particular young man?”

Carter: “cause.. He wants to use the pits to bring him back to train a male assassin whose been trained by the dark knight…”

This made Bruce’s rage level amidst his grief steam up inside him… he then had an anger burst that made you jump through hearing it on Talia’s end…

Bruce: “NO NO ABSOLUTELY NOT, JENSEN PROPOSED TO ONE OF MY OTHER WARDS, I HAVE TO ALLOW FOR A PROPER FUNERAL A PROPER SAYING GOOD BYE. I CANT BEGIN TO IMAGINE…”

Talia: “Batman… enough she can hear us… she can hear this conversation.. Please calm down detective…”

Bruce was shocked… for he had not seen you or barb since you both left the mansion… now he feared what this news, this bomb that he had just dropped on you… thats when he stepped back from the guards.

Bruce: “thank you talia… is there anything else you would like to say to these guards.”

Talia breathed as her eyes flitted quickly to your every wavering form, now breaking into a thousand pieces.

Talia: “Carter you and the other guards shall not take the body of this man till after the funeral and the proper goodbye for we shall not deprive a fellow league member the chance to say good bye to the love of her life. Now leave the body alone and return to whereever you are staying till you guys get the body… now we need to have the detective do his thing… alerting the police dept annonymously and do what he needs to… ill contact you guys when you can come and do what you will to swap the body with an identical look alike...”

Carter: “yes Mi’lady… detective dont forget to do what you have to very quickly… for us to be able to appease the anger from the demons head… you know how bad his rage can get…”

---------------------

As fast as the guards had appeared they were gone. Now as far as you were concerned the worst had happened… you were now going into a catatonic state… luckily for you, your savior was now appearing on the balcony in the form of Nightwing.

Barb let him in and you broke… you were now fully broken.. Now Talia was off the coms with Bruce.. Bruce had called an annonymous tip to GCPD about the explosion and Jensen’s body.  There was a moment of brief relief that fell upon you when Dick pulled back from you and handed you a letter written in Jensen’s hand writing with your name on the envelope.

Dick: “i was to give this to you if ever upon this situation… by that of jensen’s death… YN you dont have to read it now but you can read it when your ready…”

Barb: “girl we are all here for you… to support you.. This is a difficult time and right now you need all the support you can get…”

Talia: “if sometime in the near future you feel like you cant feel anything anymore than you need league help… the detective knows those signs… as should you Dick...you were the one that wanted to train with me as much as you felt necessary… besides when you got your name from my father it was a proud moment in the detectives eyes i didnt know how close the wards of Bruce Wayne actually were… Bruce i’m sure didnt want this to happen any more than the rest of us… he is just as devistated about loosing Jensen as we are…”

~it is our friends and the ones that feel like family that help us through the toughest of times, our hearts are fragile but if it breaks someone close to you will help pick up all the pieces… it might be the one person in your life who comes along to pick up the broken pieces the one to pick up the pieces will be the one person whose been there when you havent realized how they truly felt.~

Talia had gone out of the room into the other room with Barb.. this left you alone in the embrace of Dick… you were not sure how to express how you were feeling… Dick wasnt pressuring you to speak, he knew what you were going through he had just lost a friend… you lost a fiance… Dick didnt know what Jensen had put in the envelope but he knew what Jensen had asked hi when he was doing his will...

Talia: “as for YN with some training & definate familiarity if my father brought Jensen Back he could be the same Jensen eventually. But chances are he will want revenge for all that’s happened by the clown’s hand… now onto more pressing issues, Lady YN needs to go away from Gotham immediately following the funeral or else the trauma could land her a one way express trip to Arkham.”

Barb: “i know and thats what im afraid of… but i dont know what else i can do to help her coop…”

Bruce walked up to them off the balcony at that moment…

Bruce: “well i wanna know why Joker would take Jensen and not YN… it doesnt make any sense…”

Barb could only step back towards the wall and lean against it…

Barb: “Cause Joker knew their identities… there was one night when my dad wanted to hae dinner with me, Jensen and YN went out on patrol.. Bruce you were at an event of some kind and Dick was doing whatever he does when he isnt patrolling or what not… anyway Jensen and YN still went out on patrol knowing that Arkham had a new escapee… Joker got out… Jensen & YN had found a silent spot to make out, they had a small session, after so Jensen & YN were re-adjusting their masks when Joker came out of the shadows and jumped them… Joker told them that one day they would both pay in an unlikely way for all the pain and turmoil he had been put through…  when i heard about the events they went through with Joker finding out who they actually were, i knew he would keep good with his threats… i had Arkham staff made annonymously aware of joker’s “civilian threats”.. Till now i have been unsure if Joker would remember, but he did and now my best friend is paying the price for it…”

Talia placed a caring hand on Barb’s shoulder, then taking it upon herself to remember about her and Bruce… she then turned to Bruce walking out of that room and into another awaiting the word from you on whether or not you were gonna read the letter or whatever was inside the envelope you got from Dick who got it from Jensen.

-----------------------------

~its times like these where people take charge of their lives, under the guidence and support of their friends and family…~

You were laying across Dicks lap, you were still in grieving… when Talia, Barb and Bruce re entered the room you had stopped crying and Dick was petting your hair… you ran your fingers over the envelope…  the lettering, tracing each one with your finger. 

Dick: “i know you are probably not ready for whats in that envelope but you should open it sooner rather than later.”

You nod your head, but feel the warmth coming off of Dick, Barb, Talia, Bruce you felt more at home than you had before…

YN: "I'm sorry for putting you through all this worry… I just wanted this vision of a happy life amidst the long nights of crime fighting to be real… Jensen wanted it to be real… I can't believe joker killed him… if we find joker I'm gonna kill him for this… League rules a life for a life… I can't let this go unpunished… But Talia I don't want to know anything more about what your father's guards want with Jensen's body can you make me forget that forget that I heard that plan… I Can't know about it… I don't want to know about it…"

~sometimes life hands you something that you dont want to know about… so your brain wants to forget it but everytime you try to forget it, it comes back and never leaves… what we try to forget is never really forgotten, its just temporarily misplaced... ~

Talia came up to you and placed her hand on your forehead and basically blurred out that memory… Made every word of the rest of that conversation between Talia and Bruce none exist ant in your mind. Made it so the blur ended when you were caught in Dicks embrace… 

Everyone around you minus Dick and yourself dipped into the whiskey and the scotch… you finally kinda sat up and flipped over the envelope… Dick was still kinda holding onto you for support as everyone else gathered around for what they assumed to be the reading of whatever was inside the envelope… 

Bruce: “look i can’t make it so this didnt happen… YN i know i said i was gonna bring Jensen home but sadly not every hero makes it home… believe me there have been a few times where i was almost one of those… but i hope in due time you can forgive me…”

You got up off the floor within seconds if that of Bruce finishing that sentance, something inside you came out like a crouching tiger, you lunged at Bruce the letter fallen to the floor. Dick Barb and Talia backed up… Dick went into the other room to de suit and get into something a little less nightwing and a little more Dick Grayson… 

You continued to fight with Bruce… your anger in all that meditation had come to the surface… you were attacking the man who had been there for you since you came out of the league and back into Bruce’s life… 

Bruce (out of breath): “YN please stop this you need to fight your emotions… you have to calm down…”

YN: “calm down MY FIANCE IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU…”

Talia at that moment came behind you and flipped you to the ground…

----------------

Talia: “Siru Alnnari listen to me… Its not Bruce’s fault nor your own that Jensen’s dead… its the fault of the clown who calls himself the Clown Prince Of Gotham City… listen to me now Siru Alnnari, you have to settle down… Dick is gonna take you to a different area of the penthouse but you have to read to us the letter first…”

YN: “talia i swear i dont want to hurt you and i believe you but i dont want to open that letter and read it for it will make the reality of the entire situation all too real… Talia im just a big ol chicken… i fear i may ne’r wear the suit again…”

Thats when Talia got off of you, thats when Barb came over to you and helped you off the ground… you then looked at Bruce, whose look was one of sorrow and pain, mostly from realizing that you have a strong right hook.

Bruce: “get into these arms YN, you need to grieve… we can worry bout that letter in a while…”

You went into Bruce’s caring embrace… his embrace tender and loving as ever. Your mind went into immediate remorse and sorrow… 

You had attacked the man who had trained you, taken you in after your parents had been murdered (clayface went away for that again)... Bruce had known what you had been going through… he knew what you had to become so he trained you to be apart of his team… 

Bruce: “its okay YN, its okay… we will always be here for you… dont worry about the letter right now, we can find out its contents in the morning…”

Thats when Bruce pulled back to wipe away the tears… you were then not in control of your own tears… 

Bruce: “we should all sleep… its been a long day… Dick can you take YN upstairs and stay there… Barb wanna sleep down here on your favorite sofa bed… Talia if you want you can stay with me in my quarters..”

Barb went to the sofa and made her bed after giving you a hug… Talia and Bruce walked into the far master suite and shut the door behind them… you and Dick went upstairs to the upper room… 

Dick: “i know this wont make up for it but i hope you can find your happiness again… no matter what this letter says… i know your scared but i am seriously worried about you… Barb is worried as hell.. She was texting me updates about you how you were doing and she honestly sounded scared… i know you are still in mourning but right now its gonna be easiest to sleep if you have me right here with you… okay so if your okay with it we can cuddle up on the bed and eventually we will both pass out…”

You nod already sitting on the bed… mean sure you were exhausted but you were not sure what would happen when and or if you were to close your eyes…

--------------------------

~alone is good sometimes, but not when you are in mourning… if your in grieving or mourning being alone is far from the best thing you should do… its not gonna help you heal as good as being with the ones that love you…~

Dick removed his sweater and his shoes and socks making his way onto the bed… he waited for you to do the same thing… when he saw you shaking he decided to help you… he came round and helped you remove your socks, and your housecoat… 

You placed your phone and the letter on the nightstand, you then fluffed the pillow that would be somewhat beneath your head and laid back… Dick’s arms pulled you against his chest… turned out you wouldnt need the pillow at all… 

After Dick closed his lamp and pulled the covers up suddenly you felt okay… you felt comfort, you felt warmth… you felt calm.. A peace swept over you making you drift off into a calm peaceful sleep…

Dick soon followed but first he made sure that he had you in his full embrace, made sure you were nice and safe and happily snoring… the next morning you woke to your phone ringing… you turned over and answered it trying to sound as awake as possible…

YN: “hello.”

James: “YN, its Jim, Barbara’s father… i hope i didnt wake you…”

YN: “no not at all… what can i do for you?”

Jim: “my men and i were alerted by a mutual friend last night to a warehouse that had exploded… we found a body… im sory YN but Jensen was in that warehouse…”

You felt Dick’s arm tighten around you and both of you went through the rest of the call… but you were shocked once more you forgot how to use words… Dick took the phone and began to speak to Gordon…

Dick: “commissioner its Dick Grayson… i was tasked by Bruce to stay with her till we heard anything about Jensen’s disappearance… it seems YN has gone into a state of shock… i have no idea what to say except thank you for letting us know about this…”

Jim: “mr Grayson i hope you realize this is a very delicate situation… i know this puts a strain on things but could i trouble a moment to speak with Bruce if he is near by…”

Dick: “hold on let me get him…”

Dick pulled the phone away from his ear he went down the stairs and knocked on the door to the master suite…

Dick: “Bruce its gordon he wants to talk to you…”

Dick heard Bruce’s footsteps from where he stood… Bruce emerged from the bedroom to meet Dick to grab the phone and follow him back upstairs…

Bruce: “hey jim what can i do for you?”

Jim: “bruce i wanted you to hear this too but my men and i got a tip from our mutual friend who alerted us to a warehouse explosion, not only was the warehouse one that belonged to Wayne Tech but one of your wards Jensen was inside… his body was discovered amidst the rubble… i fear that my telling this to YN may have shocked her, i apologize for disrupting your mornings… but i had to make this call personally… again my deepest condolances…”

Bruce: “thank you Jim… as soon as we know when the funeral is we would be delighted to have you there… i know it would mean the world to Barb and YN…”

Jim: “thank you Bruce… ill be in touch with an autopsy…”

The call ended, bruce handed the phone back to Dick who placed it on the nightstand and went back to comforting you… 

Bruce then went back downstairs… he then called his secretary and had her draw up a damage report and send out clean up and retrieval crews to the scene of the explosion to see if any of the warehouse contents could be salvaged… 

Dick: “might be a good idea to take a shower relax and untense… you might want to loosen up…”

YN: “im not sure i could relax right now its not been a easy few weeks…”

Dick: “why dont you put on a swim suit or at least a bikini and go sit in the jacuzzi thats in the room up here and ill come in and massage your shoulders to help with the relaxation…”

You shrug slightly intrigued at the idea… you get up and go to the dresser and pull out your bikini… Dick watches as you grab it slunking towards the changing cover while Dick goes to start the jacuzzi get it all warmed up and bubbly… throwing in your favorite scent of Vanilla.. 

Dick finished in there and came out to find you sitting on the bed in your bikini… it was a sight he had not seen in a while… 

Dick: “its ready when you are… how are you feeling right now?”

YN: “honestly i dont know… i havent felt anything like this since my parents but honestly if i didnt have people in my life who truly cared for me i would have probably wound up in arkham years ago…”

Dick: “well technically you probably wouldnt have wound up in Arkham, probably in Jail for sure but not straight in the loony bin… thats a little harsh dont you think…”

YN: “its the truth… im gonna go get into the jacuzzi… you might want to consider getting into something that you wouldnt mind if it got wet…”

Dick only laughed as he watched you walk towards the jacuzzi… he then got into a pair of his trunks that he too kept in that room… and got into those… he stretched and made sure to have his muscles flexed and ready to help de tense and un stress you…

YN: "this feels so nice…" 

Those words caught dicks ears as he finished getting stretched out making sure he was gonna be able to help you in the best way possible… 

Dick entered the bathroom, he came up and sat right behind you, his knees were at your head and his feet on either side of you… Your body felt like a twisted pretzel… It was only then that your body felt relaxation the same relaxation it had felt like years since this type of relaxation had been upon you… 

Dick: “you only need say anything if something is tender like worse than having your shoulder dislocated tender… just feel the tension and stress leave your body…”

You felt his hands work their way into your shoulders the tension strong and over bearing… your only comfort was knowing that all you had to do was relax and push all the stress and tension from your mind as well as your body.

YN: “thank you!”

You let out in a slurr of small sighs leaving your lips. Thats when Barb knocked on the bathroom frame making you and Dick turn to face her…

Barb: “sorry am i interrupting?”

YN: “not at all B! In fact im glad your here… im so sorry for worrying you girl! I didnt mean to go as therapists would say catatonic on you… i was just fearful, i was scared…”

Barb comes over to you and leans over the side of the Jacuzzi just to hug you… you broke once more for the first time in a few moments. Barb didnt care that you were sitting in a jacuzzi she knew that you were in a rough time right then… 

Barb: “you have nothing to apologize for… i know you are going through a rough patch… you need to find a way to heal…”

When your ears heard that a feeling hit you, it was right in front of you the entire time… Or rather right beside you… Dick was the one who originally knew about what happened to you with the league, Bruce hadn't know till recently neither Barb nor anyone… Dick had been the one you trusted with that part of you… 

YN: "do not worry I think whatever is inside of the letter from Jensen is gonna be helpful in helping me move on…" 

You hoped that No one caught on to your meaning…  Dicks foot was grazing your side… His hands were still on your upper back/shoulders…

~for many of us our friends are our balance. If we dont keep an open mind we might never see the bigger picture~

Dick: "Barb was there another reason why you interrupted my de-stressing of our best friend?" 

Barb: "Bruce says he has a tattoo buddy who is available if any of us want tattoos of any kind.. I came up here to ask if you guys wanted any?" 

Dick and you looked at eachother, you smiled slightly knowing that you possibly now had a way to heal… 

YN: "put me down for one…I'll get the league symbol on my arm!" 

Dick smiled he was slightly new to the whole let your feelings show thing… 

Dick: "I'll get the same thing, Talia did say when I was inducted to get one as soon as possible so I could come and…"

YN: “come and go through the border whenever not needing to wait for the escort to arrive… ya she told me the same thing… she told me to get it on my bicep as my league outfit is a one shoulder so have it on the exposed shoulder.”

Barb was shocked, but she now knew why you started wearing one shoulders so it was exposed only on one side… Dick found that description that you gave very alluring! 

Dick: "Barb can I finish relaxing our best friend now?" 

Barb: "of course I'll yell when the tattoo artist gets here…"

You ran instantly into the back side corner of your mind… You knew Dicks hands hadn't left your body, you knew dicks feet had been making circles into your thighs beneath the bubbles. But there are many things that life will throw your way before we realize that what we need is sometimes right in front of or beside us… 

YN: "I heard that small sigh leave your lips a few moments ago… Is everything alright?" 

Dick had you reposition back to how you were… 

Dick: "I've been fooling myself this entire time… Before you and Jensen got together I wasn't sure what I was feeling… But now seeing you sad and heart broken I know what I have felt this entire time…" 

You were sure that you knew what he meant but then he moved from directly behind you and went round the other side of the jacuzzi to get into the jacuzzi…

Dick: "I got an email yesterday just after the warehouse exploded… ItIt was from Jensen he sent me my part of the will, or he had it sent by someone else in the event of his death… TheThe email said that he wants me to take his place in your life in the event of his death… I have been in love with you from the first moment I met you… I love you YN!"

Your hand felt his beneath the water entangling fingers was one thing but the emotion you had been feeling coming off of him made you realize you did have a bit less control right then… Dicks hands pulled you close to his body, so you were straddling him… his hands on your hips, your body didnt tremble for you knew now that it was Jensen’s wish that you and Dick be together…

YN: “im gonna grind you, kiss me like you keep licking your lips seductively to do please dont be afraid to do so…”

Dick at that moment kissed you, the movement in your hips made him and you moan into the kiss, deeper into the kiss you guys went the more your hips grinded against his cock, that you could feel was getting harder beneath you… 

Dick: “keep grinding me like this and ill be cumming sooner rather than later… now keep going baby… lets make the water shake…”

You continued to grind, you had orgasmed several times now… your only thought was the fact that you were basically having clothed grind with the man who now was to be your lover by request of your dead fiance… 

The water went everywhere it was like waves on a shore, but more confined and alot more sexy… You and Dick were so close to finishing that session… But you still had to orgasm for the final time… 

YN: "I'm gonna cum, Dick I'm gonna cum…"

Dick: "do it baby do it and let the stress leave your body…" 

You grind your new love a while longer before your release is brought… Sweet bliss came over you, left you breathless… You kissed Dick once more before speaking again… 

YN: "I can't remember the last time I felt this calm… Or happy… I Never thought that I would be happy again…" 

Dick: "I love you YN. Now what you say we get out of here get into something comfy go downstairs and read that letter, you don't have to go through this alone anymore…" 

You kissed him again before getting out of the tub.. You then looked at the floor round the tub… 

------------------

Dick: "what's that look for?" 

YN:  "we may need to clean up the floor… It looks like we tried to flood the place…" 

Dick now stands up and looks around… He brings himself out of the jacuzzi first laying down a few towels so you guys can get out without falling.. Then he returns to the side of the jacuzzi extending his hand to help you out of the tub. 

YN:   "can you pass me my towel?"

Dick grabs your towel off the counter and wraps it round your shoulders. Then both of you walk out of the bathroom, you went to your clothing pile and picked out something comfortable a pair of pj shorts and a top with a built in bra. You take your clothing to the change cover and begin getting changed leaving the rest of the space for dick to use… 

Dick:  "I know you aren't looking forward to reading the letter, but part of being a hero is being able to withstand the harshest of pain. Over time it will get better, it will become easier… And I hope one day we can be happy together…" 

YN: "I'm so sorry for not telling you how I felt after Nanda Parbat… I Didn't want to hide my feelings but I never thought I would loose my hope of love… i somehow always knew that you would be right there if i ever lost my hope of love.”

You got right into your shorts and spun round to put on your tank top but felt a set of eyes on your back… you knew who it was but lets say you were very heated still from the make out grind in the jacuzzi. 

You came out of the change cover to find dick in his sweats and no shirt… he was facing the bed… you went up behind him and slowly wrapped your arms around him from behind… you felt him sigh, his muscles tensed beneath your touch… it was a few moments later when your feelings started to show…

Your fingers were tracing his abs, he turned around and embraced you equally… Both of you found grieving in each other's arms rather comforting… 

Yn: "we should probably go downstairs to read the letter to everyone. For the first time in these last few weeks I finally feel like I'm starting to heal.." 

Dick smiled as he kissed your forehead, he had a muscle shirt and the letter then he held now your hand as well to make facing people easier…  as you both walked down the stairs, all eyes were on you… 

Dick: “attention everyone… i know what this looks like and yes it is what it looks like Jensen had someone else send me an email from his account in the event of his death… the email stated that i was to take his place in YN’s heart, life and give her the love she deserves… he said that no matter what i did, he wants her happiness to come first.. So we did have a bit of fun in the jacuzzi.. We made out and basically left more water outside the jacuzzi than not… thank god for the heated floors. The water will be evaporated in a while… now if everyone wants to take a seat, YN will open and read the letter…”

You walked with Dick to the bean bag chair that was facing everyone… the eyes around the room made your tear ducts start to fill… but you opened the small seal and pulled the letter out of the envelope… 

YN (reading the letter): “my dearest YN, i know this is not how wills are done but i didnt want to go through the proper channels and risk you being locked out of everything… i had a lawyer put all my accounts in your name… you have had my heart as i have had yours, everything i have is yours… Dick you take care of my girl… i hope you will make her as happy as i have… Barb, i leave you all my old tech its in a box in my closet, i know you will use it to better the tech usage in our little family. Bruce thank you for everything you did for me, taking me in, helping me cope with my circumstances… if it wasnt for you i would not be here… to my dearest angel, dont be sad, i know that you are gonna do great things and i am so sorry for leaving you alone in this world… but i know you will find your strength again… it saddens me to write this here but i have a bad feeling about this, why did Joker not tell anyone about me and YN… he knew our identities, he knew who we were… but yet he choose not to tell anyone… anyway… Bruce i know you will find another amazing robin who too will do you proud, Dick take care of my angel, make sure her happiness comes first. Barb you take care of yourself and dont let my angel do anything stupid… all my love Jensen!”

The tears fell freely they soaked the paper, Dicks arms around you tightened… he knew what you were feeling after reading that… he knew that wasnt gonna be easy for you to do in the first place but having you do that right then he knew you were not happy…

----------------------

~the life we lead is the life we sometimes dont choose how to live it, but instead it chooses for us~

Barb: “woohoo i get more stuff… yay more upgrades for everyone…”

Bruce: “i dont know what to say…”

Dick: “its okay love… its okay… your gonna heal… your gonna be okay…”

Thats when talia pipped up… she had been so quiet, everyone minus Bruce hadnt noticed that she was still there…

Talia: “now that we have established this… Dick and YN as members of the League we require that all couples in the league new or not have to appear before my father and he will bestow blessing and then you both have to basically consummate your union in some form or another while the league fights in a combat circle round you… also to divorce within the league is punishable by death… but getting your league tattoos today will be a good show of faith when you appear before my father…”

You looked at Dick and knew what he was gonna say but you didnt want to say anything you were still in shock…

Dick: “Talia i dont think now is the best time for this talk… look when we are ready for that we will do that but right now we need to get used to this new life that we now shall lead… now i believe that we need to comfort YN… how do we figure a way to do that?”

Barb: “theres still tequila.. How bout a round of shots?”

Thats when your computer went off the skype thing was sounding, you got up and went to see who was calling… it was the r&d department… you wiped your tears away and answered the call… 

YN: “sean whats up?”

Sean: “YN sorry to bother you i hope im not interrupting anything important…”

YN: “no not at all… what can i do for you?”

Sean: “there is an issue with the development of project 53277… the construction of the project was haulted the workers have gone on strike…”

You looked out from behind the computer and waved Bruce over…

Bruce: “sean i heard what you told YN who told the workers to go on strike?”

Sean: “i dont know sir, but i can tell you that we are working as fast as we can to figure out who gave the order and why… as soon as we do i will tell you both immediately… but i figured i would let you both know what was happening… i have also told the arkham staff to contact you regarding the construction… they should be contacting you any time now… im sorry to disrupt both your days…”

Bruce: “no trouble at all thank you for informing us… call us if anything else happens or if we need to come down…”

Sean: “will do Mr. Wayne… YN hope you feel better soon…”

You nod and end the call…

YN: “you might want to call arkham or shall we just go down and talk to sharp ourselves…”

Bruce: “we will go down after you and Dick get your tattoos… it might be a good idea to get you out for a while… focus on your other work… my artist buddy will be here soon…  he is the one who has done many favors for me and he is also one of the best legal tattoo artists in town… at the expos he is always the one giving charity tats…”

Thats when the elevator opened to a voice…

Frank: “thats because you dont really give me a choice… you always flash your dashing smile and always i say yes… cause i know you about as well as you know me it seems…”

Bruce went to give Frank a firm handshake and a bro hug… you feel Dick’s hands come to rest on your shoulders… you reach over and take hold of one of his hands… your heart beating so quickly…

Bruce: “Frank its been too long… set up shop anywhere you want… so far you have 3 people.. But i hope you brought a partner…”

Then another man appeared out of the staircase…

Harry: “sorry dudes i took the long way…”

Bruce and Frank engaged in a 3 way bro hug with Harry… who proceeded to also set up tattoo equipment…. 

Bruce: “alright i guess some introductions are in order… Barb, Talia, YN and Dick meet the 2 buddies of mine that i stayed in contact with after prep school… as you all can see we all have led very different lives… but Frank and Harry meet my small but yet fantastic family…”

The greetings were short and sweet as frank and Harry continued to set up… you and Dick became cuddly… you were still shaken over the letter… Dick knew what to do he knew what you must have been going through… but as he held you close he was trying to figure out how to give you comfort about all of this…

Dick: “how bout this, after we get our tattoos and you deal with the problem at that wayne tech project we take a trip to bludhaven and pick up some more of my shit from my apartment in bludhaven… it would be a nice break from the city… we would be able to make our own little way for ourselves in this crazy city we call home. I cant imagine living anywhere but here with you… what do you say YN ready to make this penthouse our home?”

You turned immediately to face him… you were shocked that he would say that… but then Bruce spoke next…

Bruce: “YN i figured you and Dick might want to have a second home away from the manor for a while. these next few months are gonna be tough on you… i just want you to be happy… but know that your rooms will still be yours at the manor forever. I release you both into the arms of eachother to grieve and mourn…”

You and Dick sat in the tattoo stations and got the league symbols on your biceps… this ensured that you guys would be able to enter and exit nanda parbat when and or if you both go back…

You went to the mirror and stood there admiring the tattoo that now was on your arm… it was a wonder and it felt so weird to see it on your bicep… Dick came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist…

Dick: “when do you want to leave for bludhaven?”

YN: “in a while… we arent in any rush are we?”

Dick: “nope…”

YN: “plus i want to talk to Talia… see if i can make another arrangement with her concerning the whole league right of blessing for couples thing get us out of it… i really dont want to appear before Ra’s at all…”

Dick held you tighter both of you now admiring your tattoos. 

Dick: “me either… go talk to Talia im gonna see where we are at with the whole find Joker thing…”

--------------------

You went away from Dick and towards Talia…

YN: “can we speak Talia in private?”

Talia: “lead the way Lady YN…”

You lead her upstairs and you both stand facing eachother.

Talia: “what does this concern?”

YN: “you brought up earlier that me and Dick would need to appear before your father and get blessing for being together… i am here to speak to you about coming up with another arrangement…”

Talia: “YN i know my father is intimidating…”

YN: “thats one way to put it, scary is the word that Dick and i used… we discussed it and we dont want to apear before your father, we dont want to consummate in front of the entire league, we want a different option that will still get us the blessing from your father and doesnt involve us going back to Nanda Parbat…”

Talia thought about this, she knew her father scared you, she knew you wouldnt want to go back to stand before him… 

Talia: “i thought you may say that so i have already spoken with father, he has given an alternative… you and Dick after the funeral for Jensen have to deliver his body to the gates of our league stronghold just outside of Gotham city where my father said he will be to have you both sign a statement of blessing… this will be considered the alternative to the consummation and such thing… do we have an accords.?.”

YN: “we do… i assume we will know the stronghold when we see it…”

Talia: “of course… and YN once more im so sorry for your loss, but im happy that your happy…”

You and Talia hugged, you were still torn, but you felt the love that Talia was giving off.. You found it oddly comforting… you both went back downstairs and rejoined the others.

Dick: “no sign of Joker but we will have the word from the league when and if anything does show up on Joker… now bruce is the car in the garage?”

Bruce: “yep just let the valet know when your on your way down and they will bring it out for you… YN you are a great help to the company and a valuable asset i hope to see you back at work soon… speaking of which we still need to go deal with the issue on project 53277… Dick can i borrow your girl for a bit and you meet us there when your ready to go? Cause we need to deal with this…”

Dick: “sure thing ill get a bag of things together for the trip to bludhaven… ill text when im on my way to the asylum…”

You go and get into something comfy yet presentable to show up and do business… you arrive back downstairs and prepare to leave…

Dick: “ill see you in a while dont worry about anything the drive to bludhaven isnt gonna take that long, we will be back before you know it…”

YN: “i love you…”

Dick kisses you for a few moments before pulling back to stare into your eyes.

Dick: “i love you too… now go do what you have to do… ill see you later.”

You walk into the elevator and head out with Bruce you guys made your way to one of Bruce’s vehicles and made your way to arkham…

----------------

Upon arrival at Arkham you got out of the car and saw the workers just standing there in portest with their signs and such…

You and Bruce walked through them and went into the asylum and headed straight for Sharps office… the conversation took place like this:

Sharp: “Bruce, YN welcome to Arkham… what brings you both here this afternoon?”

Bruce: “we got a call from one of our staff, they said that the workers haulted… we came down as soon as we could to figure out why that is…”

Sharp: "mr. Wayne, miss YLN the workers feel like the project is a waste of time… so they went on strike to get the attention of you guys to make their point…"

Bruce: "what the hell would… wait.. do we have count of all the inmates in prisoner here right now… have any been near the workers?"

Sharp: "come to think of it scarecrow was rolled into his new home cause that was the first room finished and he unleashed a bit of fear toxin, maybe he planted an idea with that.."

YN: "if it is scarecrows toxin why does he have any of that on him."

Sharp: "we have a new psychologist in arkham he believes to let the inmates a small quantity of what their fixations are."

YN: "well let me speak to this person who clearly is in need to understand how dangerous these people are…"

Sharp put out a pager over the arkham radio and a few moments later a knock was on the door.. 

Sharp: "come in dr… miss YN would like to understand about your practices…"

Dr. Gregory: "of course she is welcome to tag along while I go on some rounds if she likes."

YN: “i would love too… i have seen first hand what these criminals can do doctor… i dont know how you think letting them have their fixations is a good idea… its a bad idea especially for the ones like scarecrow who use toxins and such types of things… Bruce will you go and talk to the workers while i observe this docs methods…”

Bruce nods as you walk away with the doc following him as he explains what he does and why he does it you look at the asylum and then you are given your chance to speak…

YN: “if i may though your methods sound unique, i dont see how they are effective even in small doses look what cranes toxin and his influence did to those workers… if anything you might only be making the problem worse… you need to be listening to them, you need to record the sessions you have with each patient, you need to document them… Arkham Asylum runs so criminals can be kept off the streets and away from the public, but by giving the villans a bit of what each one craves your making them that much more dangerous. the next time they escape they could go on a killing spree or worse kill you and everyone in this asylum that isnt with them. what im saying is change your practices so you aren’t the reason that more people in this city suffer at the hands of these inmates.”

You stepped back a bit as he took a peak in on a few of the inmates… then you both arrived back at the entrance to the asylum… shaking hands he agreed to stop giving the inmates what they want and focusing more on helping them psychologically…

Meanwhile Bruce was having a heated argument with the building instructor…

Bob: “so mr fancy pants here thinks he can just waltz on to this construction site and demand that we get back to work… thats rediculous…”

YN: “hey dudes, listen up your all under the influence of Scarecrows fear toxin and suggestive thinking… go dunk your heads in some cold water and clear your heads… ill go inside as the owner of this project and inspect… when you come back i expect you all to get to work.. Is that clear…”

Those guys went to the vats of cold water immediately, you had never seen anyone move so quickly… you strightened out and made your final approach to Bruce…

Bruce: “thank you for saving my face…”

YN: “i think you could have handled it but i wanted to save you as payment for all the times you saved me…”

Bruce: “dont worry about it, i am just happy that the project will be able to be completed… they were working on crocs cell…”

YN: “good the sooner we get him out of those dank sewer cell the better the less chance he will stay as cruel and mean… at least if he is in a proper cell he will be able to rehabilitate a bit easier…”

Bruce: “you mean to try to get Croc somewhat human again…”

YN: “yes of course… thats the goal. Now let me know what happens when those workers return… and make sure they work and if they dont deduct their pay… my ride has arrived… see you in a bit…”

Bruce: “drive safe let me know when you guys get to Bludhaven.”

-----------------

You nod as Dick honks the horn and you approach the car in a hastey speed removing your cardigan as you enter the vehicle… 

Dick: “everything okay here?”

YN: “yep, the workers had a small influential run in with Scarecrow when he was being transferred into his new secure cell… i told them to go dunk their heads in cold water and get back to work. I also had a chat with the psychologist and told him to not adhere to what they crave but instead get more into the psychological aspect of helping the patients… I kinda established dominance in that speech i gave him now thinking about it…"

Dick: "i would have loved to see that… shall we hit the road it's at least 2 hours to bludhaven?"

You nod as Dick starts the drive… the sound of the tires on the pavement was all you cared about …  that and having Dick beside you… the car was small, but not too small, it wasnt a smart car… about an hour into the drive you turned to gaze at your new boux. 

YN: “Dick, can i ask you a question?”

Dick: “of course you can…”

YN: “when we get back to gotham and move into the penthouse, can we get rid of those icky beige walls in the penthouse? Please i mean it would look less boring… plus i want to get some more linens. I find that Bruce doesnt keep enough in there… i mean there are the ones for swimming… which yay!!! Pool… and we dont have to clean it… but yay its private so we dont have to share it with anyone but eachother… anyway what do you say to redecorating the penthouse.?”

Dick: “i think thats a lovely idea… honestly i was kinda thinking the same thing… we can do some massive art designs.”

As you and dick talked further about design plans for the penthouse, you felt like something was wrong in the air. But signs for BludHaven started becoming more and more frequent. Then there it was, no where near the size of Gotham city but about the size of maybe the narrows, diamond district and crime alley combined… 

It was then that you saw it, saw the fantastic building at the center of this small city… the wayne building… you should probably stop by and check on the r&d make sure everything is on schedule.

You texted Bruce and told him you were stopping there and asked if he wanted anything, he simply said the reports printed and signed by the overseer in charge… 

You agreed and you were just trying to figure out how to bring it… 

Dick: "you want to stop by Wayne tech don't you?" 

YN: "yes and Bruce wants the regular reports and I want the R&D reports… do you mind if we stop there?" 

Dick: "my place is near there… Its on the way to my building…" 

YN: "wanna come inside with me?" 

Dick: "I would love to see what my lady is developing for us." 

------------------

~honesty is a trait held in the upmost highest of respects in any relationship~

You and Dick now making your way to the underground parkade using your key card to get inside you put your parking pass on the mirror. Getting out of the car you look at the parkade and smile lightly as Dick takes your hand and you both enter the elevator with ease.

Dick: “well same-ish architecture for this building as the home office… but lets go inside and see whats what.”

You guys reach the top floor, you both get off the elevator. But you are instantly surprised when the staff is not there… no admin staff anyway… you head off towards the offices… you handed Dick your bag which he didnt mind holding on to, while you didnt knock before entering the doorway… this made the Woman sitting in that office jump out of her seat…

YN: “you know Mr Wayne and i expect all of our company locations to have office personal that greet the guests and people that enter…”

The lady wore a badge that said, ‘Karen, Management of location #4763389’... 

Karen: “i am so sorry miss YN, no one informed us that the head people would be coming… the office personal are on lunch… its their break. They finish their work before even considering a break. What can i assist you with?”

YN: “3 things: a tour of the R&D department, the R&D reports printed & the general reports printed. I am not gonna ask twice for any of these things.”

Karen: "of course miss, straight away… please wait here while I send the general reports to the printer… then we shall begin our tour…"

She goes to her computer and begins pressing buttons and doing things on the screen. You and Dick look around the office.  Seeing almost every wall covered in some sort of design or such… your only happy feeling was when Dick’s hand found the small of your back.

Dick: “i know that look, what are you thinking?”

YN: “this location seems different… i feel something very wrong here…”

*after several moments there a tour was had, you and Dick discovered a plot within the company you instantly acted and fired that person… you gathered your wits and the reports and left Dick following your tail, finishing your time in bludhaven gathering some more of Dick’s stuff from his apartment. the drive back to gotham was long and irritable… the trip to wayne tech was not what you had expected but it was not dull or boring. arriving back at the penthouse you both got help to bring up all the bags and boxes. the bellboy even unloaded it all against the wall by the elevator. he left leaving you both alone. You took a seat on the couch and leaned your head back in a low sigh...*

Dick: “i know you are thinking… do you want to talk about it?”

YN: “i just cant believe what the fuck has happened in the last few weeks. I certainly never imagined i would ever become engaged, then single, then instantly dating my other best friend, living in the penthouse where i have spent many nights away from the manor… ugh my head is spinning.”

Dick: “its okay… you know what we have all the time in the world to figure out what we want to be. Now lets strip the art off the walls and start designing.”

You got up off the couch and instantly began to help take art off walls and put up the painters tape… Dick watched as you absent mindedly did that… you did not want to do anything that might compromise the happiness you were kinda feeling right then. You had no idea how to even react, for you had agreed to deliver the body of your dead fiance to the league stronghold after the funeral. 

YN: "I dont… i cant… i wish i had never made out with jay in that park during patrol… none of this would have happened if joker hadnt caught us with our masks off… if that hadnt happened Jay would still be alive, i should have distanced myself from him after that night...  it was my own stupidity that got him killed…”

Dick: “its not your fault… you were just following your heart… no need to beat yourself up like this… Jay is not suffering right now… he is at peace… dont worry, when we bring him to the league stronghold i am sure that Talia will let you have a proper moment alone before they wisk him away… for now lets focus on us and making this place more us… come on love, my art skills compare nothing to yours…”

You looked into Dick’s eyes and immediately felt calm and peace wash over you… you got up and embraced him, his arms welcoming you close to his own form, the sence of peace and calm was upon you. All your fears washed away, and you felt instantly better. 

Dick: “now lets finish taking all this stuff off the walls and then go for a swim…”

Thats when the alert came in… Joker had been spotted… you went to the suit panel in the master bedroom and saw both yours and Dick’s suits sitting there along with your arsenals… 

YN: “dick i know that you are on my side but i want to go after Joker he needs to know he made a huge mistake for his crimes against us and our family…”

Dick: “lets suit up..”

You  both did just that, suiting up in anyplace other than the cave felt strange but at the same time not… when Dick came up to you after he had his suit on he wrapped his arms around your waist and for a moment you both stared in the mirror and wondered if you would ever get through this period of mourning… 

~its always the revenge that keeps us within the darkness, but when the darkness is plagued by the light from another it doesnt triumph, the light will always triumph.~

Dick: “the bikes are downstairs but obviously we cant go down looking like this… so i have a different idea…”

YN: “we can actually the elevator is private remember… the elevator is only for us… it can take us to the bikes… i know where they are too… right by the elevator exit in the garage…”

Dick: “where is joker?”

YN: “gotham central museum… he was seen entering there about an hour ago…”

Dick: “lets go then…”

You and Dick down the elevator went into the parking garage got on the bikes and rode off… not alerting the others, not caring bout anything else… just taking off towards what you hoped would be justice for what made you miserable.

Arriving at the museum you both got off the bikes setting them on remote control and alarmed to prevent thieves… you both make your way inside the front door…

Dick: “thermal scans show multiple goons patroling the next few areas…”

YN: “Joker must be trying to make a deal with Penguin… or else why would he be here… he has to be in the iceberg lounge…”

Dick: “ready to take out his goons…”

YN: “ill go high, you go low…”

Dick: “hope we can do more of that when we get back…”

You smile as you grapple up top, Dick goes under the floor grates… the sounds started to cease almost immediately… you waited a few moments before grappling down to the stand behind the 2 guards in front of the exit of the room… standing in the shadows you waited a few more seconds before dropping a smoke pellet, letting out a low whistle and having both you and Dick double takedown those 2 goons. High fiving you both head into the next room… 

Room by room you both went taking down all the goons you saw… then you guys appeared at the entrance of the iceberg lounge… you stopped in your tracks…

Dick: "batwoman you okay?"

YN: "no I feel weird nightwing… I cant move…"

Dick: "neither can i…"

The laughter that you hated so much, the laughter that made you cringe, the voice that now made the anger boil in your blood. 

Joker: “greetings party crashers, hey Batwoman hows the fiance? Were they able to pull his corpse out of the building?”

You had a look to kill in your eyes, Joker just laughed he knew you couldnt move…

Dick: “let us go Joker… or i swear you wont like what comes next..”

Joker: “oooo boy wonder all grown out of your leotards… how quaint maybe ill kill you and take away another person that this batwench loves…”

YN: “leave him the fuck alone Joker.. Release me… ill fight in penguins ring against your goons, but ill take you down ill beat you and everyone who works for you…”

Joker just laughs, he didnt think you were serious that is until he heard this little convo between you and Nightwing…

Nightwing: “what do you think you are doing? Batwoman are you nuts?”

Batwoman: “maybe but i am deadly serious. Unless he is too chicken to face me alone in combat… too scared to be beaten by a little girl...”

Joker: “Harley will face you little girl… she will face you on my behalf… if you defeat her then i will jump in the ring and fight with you… but you alone in the ring… your little friend here is gonna stay with my good friend penguin in the ministers box watching the fight…”

In seconds you could move again, you were seperated from Nightwing and knocked out… when you came too you were on the ground in the center of the iceberg lounge fight ring… you stood up and the first thing you saw was Dick in the dangerous care of Penguins goons. 

Penguin: “lookie here the little bat is awake…”

YN: “Nightwing… hold on love just hold on…”

Harley: “hes not the one you have to worry bout right no sugar…”

You turned around and took a defensive stance…

YN: “Harley, you know its not nice to sneak up on another female…”

Harley: “you know its not nice to threaten anothers love…”

YN: “you know that goes for you as well… now are we gonna talk or fight?”

You had your dual batarangs in each hand… you both were using dual wield weapons… the fight went on for what felt like years… 

Nightwing: "you know penguin, joker is probably gonna just debunk your entire operation as soon as he is through with us…"

Penguin: "shut up nightfart.. your girl has some spunk… but she wont last against both joker and harley…"

Within moments you were being held back by harley while joker jumped into the ring and began pumbling you… throwing punches ,left right and center… nightwing struggled against his bindings, he struggled against what was holding him back from getting to you… 

Joker: "I dont know what to tell you but when Robin was being tortured by men i was not in a playful mood… we had rather a one sided conversation, i did most of the talking after i shattered his lung… now I think I'll do the same to you… except maybe not as dramatic.. how bout I break a rib instead… tonight the most gracious of nights… the eve of christmas… the night where promises are made where gifts are given and where the spirit of good prevails… I bestow to you not the fate of your dead fiance, but the fate that shall be your own…"

Batwoman: "nightwing I…"

Nightwing: "I know but helps on the way just stall as long as you can…"

No sooner had that been said than the sound of bodies hitting the ground and the familiar grunts alerting you and nightwing to get your asses in gear… you elbowed harley in the stomach her grip on you loosened, you kicked Joker away he landed hard against the ground, then you grabbed harleys hands and flipped her to the ground… 

batman: “back off Joker, dont you or harley lay another hand on my ward… batgirl free nightwing, I'm gonna save batwoman…"

You were on bended knee grasping your side.. you knew something was either broken or at the very least bruised.. batman was in front of you in seconds… 

Batman: "coming here alone with nightwing was very very stupid, but also incredibly brave… now I've already alerted Gcpd to what's happening here, but let's get you back up top then I'll deal with…"

That's when joker and Harley were blocking the exit that you and batman had… you were now trying to stand by the support that batman was giving you… 

Batman: "can you fight?"

YN: "ill withstand… nightwing batgirl get down here and help…"

You were pursued by harley, she knocked you down… started beating you with her bat… your body twitched and squirmed, till batgirl was in front of you blocking you from harleys attack… 

Batgirl: "girl I'm gonna swap with nightwing then he will get you out of here…"

Batgirl and nightwing swapped places… nightwing came over to your side…

Nightwing: "hows it going doll?"

You cringed but laughed anyway…

YN: "can we get out of this hellhole?"

Nightwing using his grapple gun launched both of you into the air through the hole in the ceiling… you both landed on the roof… you were so sore, you would have bruising for days… your only savior was the fact that nightwing was able to get you out of there while batman and batgirl finished with joker and harley… for in that moment his arms were the only thing keeping you from collapsing…

Nightwing: "we just have to wait for batman and batgirl… we will all leave together… just keep awake babe… dont let the pain overtake you… I love you and i look forward to many more nights fighting crime with you.. course that's once your healed…"

Batman and batgirl came up onto the roof a mere 5 minutes later, you were leaning against the ledge supported also by dick… your thoughts trying to distract from the pain you were feeling..

Batman: "we have to get her out of here… I'll contact lucius and have him meet us at the penthouse so he can assess her injuries… dick can you still ride?" 

Dick: "yes I can…"

YN: "for the record I cant… i dont think anything is broken but something is definately out of place and very very bruised…"

Batgirl: "I'll take her bike back to the garage… unless we want to store them in the underground underground garage…"

Batman nods and then gently helps dick attach you to his front and then attaches you both to the zipline… which he sends barb down first… then he sends you and dick.. barb helps you and dick get out of the zipline attachment and then to the bike… 

------------

~what happened next: everyone arrives back at the penthouse, your medically examined by lucius, determined nothings broken but merely dislocated told that you would heal soon… joker was put behind bars, penguin and harley too… the funeral went off as well as could be expected …  the league was very honored that you both kept your word and delivered the body…  you got the blessing of the league to be together… you and dick finish moving into the penthouse…  you celebrate christmas like normal luckily barb and bruce had gotten you both extra gifts and talkee it over with each of you individually on which one you wanted to put from eachother… you finish decorating, then beginning the new journey together not realizing that it would not last long.. for now we skip to the week before halloween… where our story continues with you making the final preparations and plans for the wayne tech halloween fundraiser... little did you guys know that the worst was yet to come ~

YN: "no no no…."

Dick comes over to you upon hearing your shouts of dis-pleasement…

Dick: "babe what's wrong…?"

YN: "the venue for the wayne tech Halloween fundraiser just cancelled… now what do we do… there is no way we are cancelling this event but where are we gonna find a venue this late in the game…"

Bruce who was on the Skype call with you both of you going over and finalizing the plans for the fundraiser, now spoke up…

Bruce: "why dont we host at wayne manor… this wouldnt be the first time we have hosted a huge fundraiser, hell my father did that all the time…  we can utilize both ballrooms…"

YN: "bruce are you sure? Its alot to prepare in such a short amount of time… I mean it's a week away we cant possibly get ready in time… plus we have to let the guests know that the venue has changed… and the caterer, the musicians, the wayne tech board, everyone else…"

Bruce: "dont worry, my secretary is already on that don't worry… she and sean are gonna send emails and call every guest personally… they will even do overtime as a favor to us… I'm meeting with the board this afternoon I'll tell them then… have you spoken to vicki vale I know you had chosen her to cover the event…"

YN: "I'll speak to vicki… bruce I cant believe what I've been through… it's almost been a year… does it ever get easier… knowing what happened, knowing that a part of me died when Jensen died… knowing that even though joker is behind bars I still cant get through my fear that one day he will come for me… that he will escape arkham and find his way to me and he will finish what he started all those months ago…"

Bruce and dick both starred at you, dick was behind you now his hands on your shoulders, bruce starring at you, your eyes sparkling from the light of the lamp…

Bruce: "dont worry about anything YN, if anyone needs to contact you for any reason they will go through me first… you just relax… but call vicki first… let her know about the venue change… then dick take YN and go shopping she needs a day away…"

Dick: "on it bruce… also YN and I will take patrol these next few nights… we need to get back in the saddle…"

Bruce: "very well… but if you guys need help all you have to do is call…"

YN: "thank you bruce… let me know if anything else by me need doing!"

Bruce: "go enjoy yourselves, you deserve it… it's all on me… I'll keep in touch about the party…"

The call ended, you stretched getting off the chair and turning to face your boyfriend… 

Dick: "you know as sexy as those sweats are on you, going shopping in them is gonna send a bad rep… babe come on let's go get dressed, and get out of here for a while…"

YN: "what do you have in mind?"

Dick brings you to the closet… opening it he shows you the outfit he has chosen for you to wear out on that day…

YN: "that is perfect, my fave skinny jeans and my tank top… yes totally!!!"

While you and dick were getting dressed, you had bluetooth called vicki… conversation went like this:

Vicki(over the phone): "vicki vale…"

YN(over the phone): "hey vicki is YN… hows it going?"

Vicki (over the phone): "not bad how bout you?"

YN(over the phone): "not bad… your still good to cover the fundraiser right?"

Vicki(over the phone): "of course… why does it sound like somethings changed…"

YN(over the phone): "it's just a location change… it will still be on halloween night but it will be held at Wayne manor…"

Vicki(over the phone): "that's a relief.. I enjoy these fundraisers I love hearing more about what the future of wayne tech holds…"

YN(over the phone): "see you then vick, I hope we can catch up…"

Vicki(over the phone): "count on it girl!"

As soon as you hung up the call, you got this chill up your spine… but you and dick walked out the door and began your shopping spree, not knowing what lay ahead for you…

------------------------

~this next section is gonna be the death point… I'm very sorry for everything that's in this next small section but this is crucial… cause this is what happened a while after the league took Jensen's body back to nanda parbat, ra`s had the body prepared and readied to go in the Lazarus pit…~

Ra's: "has the boys body been prepared…"

Nyssa: "yes and my sister has returned to gotham city to be with her beloved…"

Ra's: "whatever the boy wants to do after he is resurrected no one is to stop him… especial li y if he wants to leave but he will need a day probably to get back into the swing of things…"

Nyssa: "we really gonna bring him back, father what is his use to us and our mission?"

Ra's: "let's bring the boy back to life…"

Nyssa snapped her fingers and several people dragged Jensen's body into the pit… after 5 minutes the pit bubbled and glowed… 2 minutes later Jensen bursted out of the pit… 

Jensen(newly resurrected): "nyssa you slimy skank, what the hell happened to… wait a moment you put me in the pit… I died… I remember now joker blew up a warehouse…I was dead… why did you bring me back?"

Ra's: "to tell you the truth about your fiance… she has been apart of the league since before you met her… she and your friend dick grayson are the ones who delivered your body to us at my request, as part of their league blessing… yes dick is apart of the league too… they have been together for a few weeks now… yes it's been a little over a month since the dreaded event that killed you…"

Jensen(newly resurrected): "so they are together… they followed my instructions… I want some more training before I go back to gotham… the pit changes people who are brought back from the dead… I want to learn to use the new training right before I go back… I'm Robin no more…"

Ra's: "indeed, nyssa my daughter will train you… she has a room prepared for you… when your ready to begin your training she will start… henceforth your *Ghita``Ahmar* to be rivaling the dark knight himself, as well as that of your fiance and best friend… Robin died in that warehouse, you are now the Red Hood…"

---------------

~from then to about 2 weeks before present setting Jensen spent every waking moment he could training with nyssa, wishing and hoping that you had not completely forgotten him… till 2 weeks before present day when he made his return to gotham… he returned the same night you and dick happened to be the ones patrolling… jensen sat in watch silently making sure he didnt jump the gun… that however also happened to the night when he stepped up his game as the red hood and gathered a meeting of the badies…  sending notices to all the worst of Gotham's badies… his only goal was to make alliances amongst the baddest of the bad… and that's where we head to now the meeting of the bads..~

Everyone showed up at the warehouse from bane to scarecrow to black mask to penguin to two face to poison ivy etc, even riddler showed up as well as carmine falcone, rupert Thorne & salvatore maroni… but all of them were really confused as to who called the meet…

Black mask: "so whose gonna fess up to calling this meet…"

Falcone: "if no one fesses up in 5 seconds I'm gonna take my boys and get ou…"

A gun shot echoed through the warehouse at that moment… 

Red hood: "sorry I'm late boys this meet is mine…"

Black mask: "and who are you tough guy?"

Red hood: "call me the red hood… I am so delighted to see so many of you here tonight… but I suppose you guys want me to explain why I called you all here?"

Bane spoke next for he was trying so hard not to get very very angry at this guy…

Bane: "listen up senor hood… I will break every single damn bone in your tiny body if you do not start explaining now…"

Red hood back flipped off the balcony and landed on the ground… 

Red hood: "it's quite easy I'm placing a bounty on the bat family… anyone who brings me ALIVE batwoman, batman, nightwing & batgirl will get a handsome reward paid to them by a powerful adversari…"

Sionis at that moment turns to face his henchmen...

Black Mask: "you hear that you pea brains go begin your search for the bats… bring them to the steel mill alive… and alert me once you have one… I'll alert sir hood…"

All the henchmen seemed to disperse the room, leaving the main badies only in the room… poison ivy got up at that moment and began to leave the room…

Ivy: "later boys theres too much testosterone in this room right now… ta ta…"

Ivy left and went back to the botanical garden… everyone else left in that room slowly one by one dispursed… off to do the deed that has been asked… 

Red hood once alone into the warehouse made it apparent to look up and stare at the moon high in the sky… he knew if any chance of seeing you it would be that night… he waited on a rooftop, he watched and waited, it was then that he saw you… he knew it was you he could tell… but you were with nightwing… then he remembered the request he had made of dick… he stayed where he was but watched he could then tell you were happy… 

Red hood: "I'll make myself known soon… soon my love soon we shall reign supreme…"

--------------

~present day you had heard a week ago from poison ivy that there waas a new player in Gotham… she told you the rundown telling you about the meeting and the collection of people who had been called in… but she didnt want war or money she just wanted to see the guy who trampled her plants on his vault off the balcony… she decided that she didnt need to get into business with that pee-brain… she would rather stick to being the in between gal… but with that warning now in play you and the rest of the team including the new robin Tim Drake who fancies barb now on high alert looking out for the first time they would all meet the red hood… that day was today…~

While out shopping you and dick had collected accessories, and partial parts to outfits… but you were now hunting your dress… every year you got a new one for this event… sure you could use one you already own but it wouldnt be fun if you did that… 

You wanted something unique but sexy and floor length possibly sparkly… then you saw it, the one gold off the shoulder sequined lace dress that you had not seen before must have been new… you got an attendant to grab your size and opena fitting room.. dick waited outside obviously… the attendant was very curtious…  

A few moments later once in the dress you took a moment to revel yourself in it.. you twirled in the mirror then heard the voice that had comforted you so many nights…

Dick: "hows it going in there?"

YN: "I love it… do you want to see it?"

Dick: "I would love to see what my hot sexy woman has chosen..."

You let out a shrill of giggles, you loved it when you and dick would go shopping, he loved watching you put on a fashion show… you opened the fitting room door and stepped out dick dropped the bags on the ground and came close to your form.

Dick: "this is so sexy… you will be so hot on my arm…"

That moment looking at you and dick in the mirror side by side your mind was at peace once more… dick let you go back into the dressing room as the attendant came back to help you out of the dress… you then told the attendant that you would take the dress… you and dick followed her back to the counter… checking out and charging it to the joint wayne tech account you both walked out… 

Making stops at the lingerie store and the book store you both had arms full of bags… leaving and going back to the car it was apparent that you had not only done the grocery shopping but enough of a shopping spree to last a while… 

Back to the penthouse you both travelled, not knowing what may lie ahead… but then your pagers rang high… letting them echo through the car speakers… you both answered the call..

Bruce: "sorry bout this but we have a report… joker and penguin have escaped from arkham… we need to go out and patrol as a family tonight… how soon can you both be here?"

YN: "be there in 15min meet you in the cave…"

Dick put the petal to the metal, both of you racing to the manor.. hearing that joker escaped was not what you needed to hear… but hearing it was smethng that you were not gonna let define your week… you wanted this taken care off now… arriving at the manor, parking the car, walking inside and heading straight to the cave.. you went straight to get ready before acknowledging anyone else.. 

Dick did the opposite, he went to see everyone they all knew that you were getting ready to fight to go out and look for the 2 escapees… you came back round to find everyone standing by your bike blocking your path..

YN: "out of my way guys… i dont want to hurt you but i need to go out there and start searching for this bastard he took my happiness from me once im not gonna let him do it again… so get out of my way… now!"

Dick and barb moved out of the way, but bruce stayed where he was, tim was by the computer he was the smart one, bruce however was the one who didnt seem to understand the concept of get out of your way… 

barb: "bruce why do you not move?"

Bruce: "cause she is not thinking clearly, she is thinking with her head instead of her heart, revenge is never the answer… believe me i know how this works…"

YN: "dont make me do this bruce… dont make me stop you…"

Bruce got into a stance as you back up a few paces and then vault yourself onto your bike… you kick bruce away when you land and then you take off out of the cave…

Bruce: "we have to go after her!"

Dick: "ive learned its best to give her some space when she gets like this… we will follow after  giving her a 10 minute head start… dont worry she will be fine…"

Everyone waited patiently… that is till one of the security cams near the river underpass spotted penguin… everyone else suited up as the following conversation took place no one was overly concerned about penguin… 

------------

Penguin spots something under the bridge, he stands there at the other end as a crack of thunder rolls through the sky… 

Penguin: "tweet tweet…"

Joker: "penguin you old feather brain, what brings you out of arkham?"

Penguin: "same thing as you clowny…"

Joker: “what do you say we let bigons be bigons and split the treasure 50/50… you know the  location about as well as i… lets shake on it…”

Joker shocked penguins hand and then took off… you happened to spot this from afar… penguin ran after him… but penguin actually knew where he was going alot more than joker did… lets just say Penguin has a few more screws available than Joker ever did… 

Penguin enters the gotham city cemetary and begins walking through looking for something specific…

Penguin: “a tisket a tasket which crypt holds the money casket…”

Then penguin spots the crypt with the giant cross… it kinda looks secluded and different from the others… he goes inside and down the stairs to see one lone casket bound in chains surrounded by candles… 

Penguin: “a little too much security for a casket full of money…"

Penguin breaks the chains and opens the casket but notices a skeleton in there, the rust on the side of the casket cuts penguins skin… 

~to sum this up penguin woke dracula… taking him out on a tour of gotham this is your run in with dracula… the prince of darkness himself… you watch from a distance before deciding to introduce yourself…~

Batwoman: "hey didnt anyone ever tell you not to bite people its rude to do that especially on defenseless innocents…"

Penguin: "master this is one of those pesky bats that i told you about… this is also the one who locked me in prison… do not let her escape she could be very useful…"

Batwoman: "penguin whose the crusty old guy i thought you were a solo bird…"

The man who didnt look entirely alive stepping closer he bowed slightly...

Dracula: "i am count dracula… i have been awakened in this new land away from my beautiful transylvania… you are a very captivating creature, come to me let me see you in a new light…"

Little did you know that you were being watched by someone, who was being watched by the rest of your family. You were now in draculas trance, you were not sure what was happening… but you lost all control of your entire body… dracula now was holding you close to him sstroking your cheek moving his nails to tear a hole by your neck in the suit… 

Red hood watching this happen jumped down into the alley, he picked up the vile of holy water he had collected from the church, he was now loading up into the water gun he had found… 

Red hood(jensen): "hey fang face let the lady go…"

Penguin: "and who are you supposed to be bitch…" 

Red hood stepped out of the shadows into the light still holding that water gun steady…

Red hood(jensen): "i am the Red Hood and for the last time ill say this let her go…"

You were still under a trance, red hood threw down a circle of holy water on the ground surrounding dracula… then he set down a silver ionized smoke pellet, then as fast as he had appeared he now was taking you back onto the rooftop away from them...

Batman, nightwing, robin & batgirl watched this act from the rooftop, then they watched as the sun began to come up dracula penguin and every other damn person that was with them vanished into the shadows. Their only concern right then was to find you before anyone else got their chance to as well as to find out who that dude was that whisked you away…

Batman: "did anyone see where they went?"

Batgirl: "maybe towards a rooftop or something.."

Nightwing: "im tracking her genetic markers… she is near the penthouse… like right across from it…"

Nightwing and batgirl went by rooftop, Bruce and Tim took the car… You were not fully aware of what had happened but you opened your eyes a while later to see someone leaning against the ledge… 

Red hood(Jensen): "move slowly your just coming out of a hypnotic trance… any idea who that was?”

You sat up slowly but could only muster getting up on your elbow before feeling the whole room start spinning again…

YN: “that was count dracula and a normal bad guy around here one whose name is penguin… to be truthful with you i dont think ive ever seen you round here before…”

Red Hood (jensen): “thats cause im new in town.. Im called red hood and who might you be?”

YN: “batwoman… i suppose i owe you my thanks for saving my life…”

Red Hood(jensen): “it was my pleasure i wasnt about to let a slimy vampire destroy a beautiful woman…”

The familiar sound of something wooshing through the air, you ducked but red hood was smart he caught the batarang… you turned to see Nightwing, Batgirl, Batman and Robin standing there… 

Red Hood(jensen): “ah so your the famous batman… your the ones who were trailing me all night… now you come here cause you think i would ever hurt your darling batwoman… i would never hurt such a magnificent creature… i saved her from being vampire chow by the way… take it from me deal with him before anyone else gets turned into the undead… YN remember who i am, remember me for i am all i am and all i was…”

At that moment a train zoomed by, he started to say something else but the sound was cut… by the time the train had finished he was gone… you were still on the ground, you let out a groan of pain… yes its true you were in pain, and alot of it… 

Nightwing: “bruce set up a zipline, make sure that it heads straight for the balcony… im gonna carry her on my back if she can hold on for that long…”

YN: “course i can, just mind the zipline and my ribs… again with the bruising… fuck i mean red hood didnt hurt me… but yet ive never seen him here before tonight… yet he knew who i was…”

Nightwing: “dont worry about that now… we will run voice rec once back at the penthouse… for now love we need to get you standing so you can get on my back…”

With the help of your family, you were now attempting to stand up… once on your feet you latched your arms around Dicks neck, you planted a kiss to his cheek as he carried you over to the zipline… bruce had just finished locking it down and bringing down the bar… he was gonna send you and Dick first…

Dick: "hold on babe we are home bound…"

You hold on tight as dick takes a running start at the zipline.. he grabs hold and away you both went, bruce and barb would surely follow… arriving at the bottom, the zipline stops for a moment to let you and dick off, then it retracts its way back up to take down the next person.

Dick: "come on babe lets get you into the master and lets get out of uniform…"

You let dick carry you into the master, you went to the panel and activated the hiding place, you then tried to bend over to unzip your boots but the bruising however much there actually is, was extremely painful… 

Dick: "hold on babe let me de-suit first then ill help you…"

Dick de suited his muscles rippling, his hair was a mess, he came back no shirt in sweats to see you still trying to figure out how to get your boot off without straining your brusied muscles… you were concerned with what Dick was gonna say when he turned back to face you…

Sure enough Dick turns around and shakes his head coming close to you he watches as you attempt to take your boot off while laying on your back… 

Dick: “need help babe?”

YN: “ugh these stupid bruises… it makes it really hard to bend and move and and and… babe can you please help me?”

Dick comes over to you and helps you de suit, then sitting you up leaning you against his form he brings over the medical rub… he starts rubbing your bruises… neither of you hear Barb, Tim or Bruce walk in neither of you cared… you were both decent enough it was nothing new and neither of you wanted to be anything less than what you were…

YN: “thank you all of you for coming after me… it must not have been easy for any of you to let me go like that… i also should not have taken off in the first place… it wasnt smart… but we have 2 new things to investigate… can we dig up anything and everything we can find on dracula and can we pull any voice  rec off the red hood… we have to deal with all of this before the halloween fundraiser… i certainly do not want dracula anywhere near there… trust me his trance is crazy strong… but i have a bad feeling about this red hood character, he spoke like we knew eachother, whoever he is knew exactly who i was and how i was gonna be when i woke up… he was very very strange. I want voice rec asap… and i want to learn all we can about our mysterious transylvanian visitor… and lace all our weapons and our suits with holy water and garlic… we cant risk any of us going under his influence… we also need to keep holy water on us at all times… if we are in civilian form at night… until we know where penguin and dracula are we will need every ounce of advantage we can muster…”

Bruce: “ill let you take point on the voice rec YN, ill handle the party planning till its done… dont worry… we will figure this out before the party… Barb see what you can dig up on Dracula… as for everyone right now take some rest… Barb, Tim lets leave Dick and YN we will all get together soon for results and patrolling… no one goes alone, we all stick together, we dont let them defeat us…”

In moments you and Dick were alone again… you set the laptop to scan the voice rec on the red hood from your data, from the nearby camera audio of him and from what Bruce had collected… 

Barb once back at the mansion went on her computer and searched for all the lore on vampires and Dracula… 

Bruce, Tim and Alfred laced every single weapon with garlic as well as the suits with Holy Water and changed some of the batarangs with the silver ones… it was not till they did that, did they realize that everything was alot more real…

--------‐--------

~TIME SKIP… the next 4 days before the fundraiser included the following events: 1. The voice rec scan takes forever to get started... 2. The red hood corners you while your walking in civilian form while on the way back to the penthouse from a short stroll to the grocery store… after a somewhat tantalizing conversation you collected more vocal data that might be useful in the voice callibration… 3. Joker follows penguin to the crypt where he gets turned into a vampire by Dracula… 4. Joker goes to rob the blood bank for a “free” meal and gets stopped by Batman… 5. Batman knocks joker unconcious and puts him in the lower lower holding cells in the cave… beginning to synthesis an antedoite to vampirism and using joker as the Guinea pig..  6. You begin to feel alot stronger as your bruising begins to heal… this brings us 1 day before the fundraiser, to when you and Dick are awoken by the voice rec scan being completed…~

Dick: "babe, wake up what is that noise?"

You awaken at the feeling of your boyfriend shaking you awake… you listened again and then got up and went to get your laptop and bring it back to bed… you sit up leaning against the headboard, Dick begins to run his fingers over your forearms as you continue to look at the laptop… 

Dick: "are the results in?"

YN: "i think so but its weird its telling me to analyze them further at the cave… but we arent gonna be there till later… so ill just save this to my server or just leave it open on my laptop, put my laptop to sleep, so we can go back to sleep…"

Dick: "its only 3am, babe i wanna go back to sleep with cuddling you in my arms!"

You finish placing your laptop back on its charger and placing it on the nightstand you dim the lamp again, laying back in bad and cuddling up with Dick… you both once more fall asleep held close in eachothers arms… 

Meanwhile the red hood was standing watch on the rooftop nearby he could hear everything, he didnt want to but he knew his sub concious would never let him allow anything bad happen to you… 

Several hours later, you and dick were awoken by the elevator dinging… you both got up to see who was possibly paying you a visit standing there in your housecoats you both await the elevator doors to open.

Dick: "were you Expecting anyone babe?"

YN: "nope, you?

Dick shakes his head as the doors open to see Talia standing there… you and Dick take a few steps back to sit on the couch… 

YN: “talia i hope you have a good reason for showing up unannounced…”

Talia: “Bruce asked me to be his date for the fundraiser but i quickly realized that i have nothing to wear, YN do you possibly have something that would well suit me…”

You get up from the couch but not before giving dick a kiss and going through your morning routine…

Dick: “morning babe.”

YN: “morning babe, can you make breakfast while i take Talia through my closet?”

Dick: “bacon, scrambled eggs and mashed potatoes with gravy coming right up along with Pepsi to drink.”

YN: “ill be right back babe.”

You take talia to your walk in closet… her eyes widen at the sight of your closet and how much is in there…

Talia: “what the hell YN your closet is spectacular…”

You let her look around… she came back out of the closet with your purple spaghetti strap notch dress with a low ruched back… you were surprised, but you smiled as she went and stood infront of the mirror… holding the dress against her form, she was sure that she would not make a very good impression on society… but she was willing to make things work wiht Bruce… 

YN: “ill even help you do your hair before the party tomorrow… just meet me at the mansion about an hour before it starts and ill do your hair up in the same fashion that i had Barb do mine before i went to a party in that particular dress… Bruce wont be able to resist you…”

Talia smiled as she lay the dress on the chair and walked out of the room with you…

Talia: “i shall see you both tomorrow… i hope things are well otherwise…”

YN: “yes they are, kinda we have a bit of a vampire problem and a new commer into the city but nothing we cant handle…”

Talia: “till tomorrow…”

She leaves back through the elevator… you head to the kitchen to see how Dick was fairing with cooking… you find him in the ktichen cooking the bacon… his back is turned he cant see you softly coming up behind him… you wrap your arms around his waist and lean into his muscular body… 

Dick: “did talia find something to wear?”

YN: “yes and what are you thinking so deeply about?”

Dick: “well i have something i have been wanting to give you, think of it as just a small something that symbolizes strength and unity… that symbolizes everything that we have been through in the almost year we have been together…”

You loosened your grip as Dick turned around to face you. The light in the kitchen making his blue eyes sparkle… your own body betraying your mind… on one hand you wanted Dick to lift you up onto the counter and just make out with you till whenever… on the other hand you wanted to allow Dick to finish what he was saying…

YN: “what are you saying Dick?”

Dick: “im saying that i should have brought these out months ago…”

Dick goes into the drawer behind you and pulls out 2 bracelets… he holds them in front of you and smiles as you read them… 

YN: “his beauty, Her beast… based off my favorite disney movie…”

Dick: “thank you for being the beauty to my beast… i love you…”

You kiss Dick knowing that you guys were almost finished your first year together… you were one of the few people that Dick trusted in general… dick placed the bracelet on you as you did him… there was nothing you wanted more than to stay in the penthouse all day but eventually you guys would have to get ready to leave for the manor… it was imperitive that things went smoothly.. 

Dick: “man you are amazing i just hope that patroling tonight we can find and stop Dracula and find out more about this red hood character before the fundraiser…”

YN: “i wish we could stay in this penthouse till patrolling tonight… but we did tell them that we would be there…”

~the following events are being short formed to hasten our way to the end of the story… 1. You and Dick finish getting stuff together to drop off at the mansion for the fundraiser… 2. You and Dick get ready yourselves to leave the penthouse making sure you have everything before you leave… 3. You find a note left on your car in whats supposed to be a secure parking garage… it was from the red hood and it was address to you… asking you to meet alone away from the rest of the family… saying he wanted to talk… you werent concerned… you knew the others may have different opinions… 4. You notice strange sights going to the manor, you noticed not as many homelss people on the streets, and not alot of normal people on the streets… you kinda figured that Dracula might have something to do with that but the only way to know that forsure was to most likely find Dracula's layer and administer the antidote if bruce has it ready… this brings us to your arrival at the manor… this is where the end of our story begins!~

Arriving at the manor Alfred was waiting on the stairs to greet you and help bring stuff inside.

Alfred: "welcome miss YN and Master Dick is everything in the car?"

YN: "most of it is in the back seat… in the trunk is a few wardrobe items that should be placed in our room as soon as possible please.. is everyone inside?"

Alfred: "yes they are all training… thought just between us i think miss gordon is winning… she had master Drake pinned and master Wayne on the ropes when i last saw…"

Dick: "do you mind alfred if we go down or would you like some help?"

Alfred: "ill be quite alright master Dick.. no need to worry… go enjoy your time…"

You and dick go inside and down into the cave… you see the sight of bruce fighting with barb… you look at dick and you throw off your cardigan and give your laptop bag to dick as you back flip onto the training matt… you low kick bruce…

Bruce: "now this is really not a fair fight…"

YN: "us together against you, yes it is a fair fight… we dont get our asses handed to us and you dont completely annihilate barb in a humiliating defeat… now are you man enough to take us both on or do you need to even up the fight and make this a doubles match…”

bruce smiled darkly… you and barb kept up your guard not knowing when he may strike…

bruce: “im not gonna ask fo help but if dick wants to jump in on the action we can make it like old times!”

dick puts everything he was holding on the couch, he then back flips over beside bruce… you sent a wink his way, you knew he wouldnt hurt you as you wouldnt him… the match started you went straight for Bruce… this was to be the greatest fight of your entire time training with the 3 of them…

bruce: “give it up YN you cant win…”

YN: “wanna bet, what was it you always told me… never take your eyes off of your opponant or you’ll land on your ass…”

thats when you pulled a daring feat… you enabled what was to be your final move of the match, to be your greatest move ever… you placed bruce in a choke hold, then tripped him so his knees bent and he kinda went into a submission move… twas not even five moments later that Bruce tripped off one of your legs you fell onto one knee bent… 

YN: “surrender Bruce you cant win…”

bruce: “wanna bet…”

thats when he knocked you on your ass, revearsing what you did to him to you… you were winning at first but now it was a matter of who could hold out longer… dick and barb were already done of course barb had won… teaching Dick a bit of girl power… 

you and Bruce however were trying to race against the clock, the timer had started a while ago… during doubles training fights  as soon as one pair has finished their fight a timer set for 1 minute starts… there was 20 seconds left on the clock… neither you nor Bruce were surrendering anytime soon.. the timer went which meant you go into overtime…

you and Bruce released eachother, standing up you both go to opposite ends of the mat… Dick came up to the center between you and bruce beginning his announcer speal..

Dick: “in this corner she is lethal and deadly and we all love her to bits, she makes the best pancakes and holds the record for most training sessions won.. heres YN…”

thats when Barb had helped you dry off the sweat and get into something more breathable…

Dick: “ and in this corner he has a dark past, he is the knight, he is the bat of gotham… he holds the record for the most bad guys locked away in Arkham, he owns his own company and takes orphans as wards under his care… Heres Bruce… and now contestants to the center mat…”

you and bruce stepped into the center mat… 

DIck: “alright guys you know the drill this is the sudden death round… the first person to get knocked to the ground in a submission hold for a total of 15 seconds will sound the buzzer and the person not in submission will be the winner… contestants are you ready…”

Bruce: “yes…”

YN: “stop talking and let us fight…”

you were determined to win, usually that was your blood lust from being set in the pit once and only once before… Dick knew not to take any offense to anything that you said while training… he knew you loved him, but the fight got underway… 

you jumped, flipped, dodged and weeved… neither of you had landed a single hit yet… till you backflipped over Bruce’s head and tackled him to the ground… you pinned him to the ground and leaned in to whisper in his ear…

YN(in a whisper): “i win!”

the buzzer went and you jumped up victorious… you were so happy… you did back flips all the way around the mat perimeter… then stopping back at Bruce who had rolled over now helping him up..

Bruce: “congratulations YN your skills have greatly improved… i am honored by that fight… it was amazing… but how did you know to catch me off guard by going behind me…”

YN: “because you had done the same thing when i first became part of your family… so i spent my nights of patrolling and beating up bad guys perfecting that maneuver… that way the next time we would end up in this sudden death situation i would use it and win… you fought with all your strength bruce but…"

The alarm sounded it was red hood he was on the roof top of wayne enterprises he was calling you out.. then a police alert came in reports of strange people on the streets looking like "vampires" everyone decided that you would go talk to Red hood while everyone else went to investigate the vamps well almost everyone… 

Bruce stayed behind to finish the antidote… it was gonna be a long night as it was, but now you guys didnt have to go looking for the bad guys, cause they were coming to you… before leaving you went to the server and plugged the voice rec files to the main server and listened to them… this is what you heard:

Red Hood: “YN remember who i am, remember me for i am all i am and all i was all the good times we had together kicking ass and taking names, throwing every ass we could into arkham… i promised you always and forever but it seems you took my will too much to heart… Babe i love you!”

That is what did you in, you now knew who he was, you swipped your laptop right off the table and in an agry huff you suited up and got on your bike and zoomed out of the cave… no one questioned why, no one knew why… they were focused on the vampire problem.. 

Arriving at wayne tower, you shoot yourself straight to the top… landing you look at the red hood and start trying to place it, the voice, the name, the body language, the way he dressed, the way he fought… the symbol on his chest… 

You disabled the rooftop security footage looping it round before removing your mask… 

YN: “Jay… Jay is that you?”

The red hood comes around from the other side of the vent system or whatever that huge metal box is… and removed his helmet… and once more you were staring into the eyes of the man who once made your heart soar… 

Jensen: “hey doll…”

You were kinda cautious to approach… you didnt know whether or not to trust him… you didnt know what to do, or say… but you knew that if Barb was smart she would recover the files and everyone would know… 

YN: “your alive, but i saw your body, the warehouse… what happened?”

Jensen: “after joker kidnapped me, he tortured me, babe i was hurt real badly… but then he said he had to leave that i was to be a good boy, finish all my homework and that i was to tell the big man he said hello… course i wasnt concerned with that… but it wasnt till i reached the locked door that i realized the place was rigged to explode… my last thoughts were truly of you… YN i know your with Dick and whats Dead should stay dead but i Jensen take you YN to be my wife to have and to hold in sickness and in health forever and ever for as long as we both shall live…”

You smile and you walk a little bit closer… 

YN: “Jay you wrote a letter that tore my heart in 2, you told your best friend to date me in your place… i spent 2 weeks in hell… i YN take you Jensen to be my husband to have and to hold in sickness and in health forever and ever for as long as we both shall live…”

Jensen dropped his helmet and held his arms open wide.

Jensen: “get into these arms doll!”

You ran into his arms, you both just stood there, he knew you were with Dick he wasnt gonna compromise what you and Dick had but you also knew there had to be a way to do both… thats when the coms came through connecting and leaving the arms of your beloved… 

YN: “whats…”

Nightwing: “batwoman, Batman is hurt i repeat batman is hurt… he is hurt really bad… Batgirl is still good… robin stayed back at the cave but we need your brains and quick thinking girl!!!”

YN: “sit tight love… im bringing some back up… the red hood is on our side…”

You went back into silent mode knowing that Jensen would have questions and that you were running out of time… 

Jensen: "are you sure that me coming with you is a good idea…?”

YN: “yes if i wasnt sure before, im hella sure now… i should warn you though dracula has apparently hurt bruce badly… we need to be very very careful…”

jensen: “when your ready dear lead the way!”

you put your mask back on, he puts his helmet back on… you both then start running along rooftops, doing back flips and testing all the skills seeing if anything might tip off the others as to who he was… 

Arriving at the cemetary you both enter the crypt…   weapon ready incase of attack… after a bit of walking you both heard the sounds of battle… you decide to join in… you both peak around the corner and making your way to the rock you pull out a garlic smoke pellet tossing it into the room, you both plug your noses as the pellet explodes… 

you both sneak through the smoke, helping Bruce up you both make your way through the caverns winging below… you had no idea where you were… 

Bruce: “hold on… let me breathe a moment…”

You pull off into this sewered corridor… you were not sure what to do… but you leaned Bruce against the wall… 

Bruce: “that was quick thinking on your part YN… thank you Red Hood… i hear your on our side…”

Red Hood: “i am indeed… YN and i had a chat, she trusts me… and once we get away from here away from these vampires ill happily explain why she trusts me…”

Bruce: “then lets follow this tunnel system back to the cave… then we will talk…”

You smile as Dick and Barb rush up behind you… you turn around and run into Dick’s embrace… to which he returns your embrace breathing a huge sigh of relief…

Dick: “are you alright?”

YN: “im fine… im so sorry for taking off again…”

He didnt let you finish talking instead he kissed you… for a few moments there was peace… thats when you all heard it… the sound of a sharp but low hiss echoing throughout the tunnels… 

Dracula: “you cant hide from me, you all will pay dearly for disrupting the raising of my bride…”

You all continue running… none of you really caring at the moment about what was with eachother, the only thing that you all wantdd to do was make ur back to the cave before Dracula found you… 

Making it to the entrance you all open the door but only 4 of you make it inside before Dracula draws closer… you stay behind both nightwing and red hood call your name but you tell them to just keep going and to have the solar generator ready… 

Batwoman: "hey ugly pants… fight me, no abilities, no biting, no mind control no specialities of any kind… or does count dracula not have any honor in a fair fight?"

Dracula appears at that moment and bows…

Dracula: "of course i have honor… the challenge is what you say it shall be when you are ready…"

You step down so you are blocking the way and you make stance… you then lunge at him.. this fight lasts several moments till you make one wrong move and dracula takes you and knocks you out… he then grabs you by the neck and carries you like that through the cave entry… 

The shadow appears through the foggy entrance to the others like only one figure till dracula steps through holding you by the neck…  thats when alfred turns on the solar generator and the conc3ntrated sunlight makes dracula burst into flames… 

You fall to the ground not unconcious but badly hurt… it was nightwing who went up to get you and bring you back down… 

---------------

~for this last part im gonna lump in the big reveal and a few other things that will make sense and tie up a few loose ends… so here begins the end…~

Barb: "okay before anything else gets done or said i need to take YN and de suit her so she can be properly medically treated…"

No one objected further as barb wheeled the medical table which now had you on it into the chamber where the suits go… you tried to do it yourself but decided that it wasnt a good idea.. knowing that your best friend was  there with you made things alot easier… but you still felt bad… you felt like something wasnt right… 

Barb: "would you hold still girl… dont make this harder than it needs to be…"

YN: "B im fine hone…"

You cringed as you were about to speak on account of you moved.. your body didnt like that… barb helped you de suit, she then went around and helped you into some shorts to go with your tank top and then brought you back out into the main area of the cave…

YN: "its time for you all to learn why i trust the red hood… why he is on our side… but first you all should know i found out bout who he is before i left earlier thats why i left in such a rush and fuss… im so sorry for not telling any of you before but i couldnt brign myself to say anything about this untill i had processed it myself… red hood when your ready…"

Thats when it happen thats when red hood took off his mask and the gasps from everyone came immediately pouring out… mostly the words "this isnt possible" "this isnt happening" "that explains alot" but dick was the one who was most shocked…

Dick: "what does this mean for us YN?"

Jensen: "you both are still gonna be together… you both need to realize that i am legally dead to show my face in public would not be good… it would tarnish the wayne name… but you guys look good together… i have watched you guys since dracula rolled into town… i know that being revealed to you guys again feels right… i wanted to tell you guys when i saw you all earlier in the week but i didnt want to spoil the good thing you guys had going.. dick you and YN belong together now and forever…"

Dick goes over to Jensen and smiles like he has a fiendish plot… 

Dick: "how bout you  become married to YN through the league since im assuming that it was ra's who brought you back… then ill be with her every other time and outside of the league..."

Jensen's eyes go wide at that idea… 

Jensen: "what would talia say to this outrageous suggestion?"

Talia at that moment enters the cave and into the room…

Talia: "i would say that if you guys want to do that it can be done and this way no one feels guilty and no one lives without what they want…"

You were watching this little conversation take place you had to make sure that you were not missing any of the key points before you jumped in with your own opinions… 

YN: “let me see if i understand this correctly if i marry Jensen through the league i can be with both of these wonderful men in 2 very different ways of life?”

Talia: “that is correct, i know that everything right now seems like its moving at high speeds and not making much sense but its not gonna get any easier with my father still thinkin he has Jensen under his belt… it will have to be something that you 3 will have to adjust to…"

You look at both Dick and Jensen, you have that look in your eyes… you await for them both to say something…

Dick: “as long as YN is happy she has the power to control her own destiny…. That means that we need to work a schedule out so we know who will be by her side and when…”

Jensen: “plenty of time for that buddy… right now the most important thing i have to ask is: YN how do you feel about this entire thing?”

You had to take a few deep breaths you couldnt make sense of any of this, you were still processing… you were not sure what to make of this situation…

YN: “when do we begin?”

Talia: “by celebrating the start of all hallows eve with the league ceremony… midnight at the league stronghold just outside of gotham… this will connect all 3 of you together but only Jensen and YN will be the main participants of the ceremony… Dick you will be there as the third party play to the other side of YN’s emotions… everyone else yes can be there too but im gonna tell you this, it will be hard to witness…”

Bruce: “alright everyone lets make preparations for this to go smoothly… Jensen, Dick, YN why dont you all stay here for now, at least try to relax, maybe talk…”

You nod watching everyone else walk away and out of the cave leaving you, Dick and Jensen alone… discussion rolled out between Dick and Jensen trying to make a schedule on when you would be with who was getting a little annoying… 

You occupied your mind into a state of relax, knowing that what lay in store for you was your destiny of being with 2 of the greatest men you have ever had the pleasure of knowing… this was your destiny, this was to be your eternity...

[legion1993]

Your Demons Are My Darkness

Title: your demons are my darkness

Pairing: Dark!John x Demon blood!Sam x Reader/ eventual Dean x Reader

Kink: Gangbang

Dark: Dark!John

Heaven & Hell: Demon Blood!Sam

created for @spnkinkbingo @heavenandhellbingo @spndarkbingo

A/N: This will be a really tough thing for me to write again this is the territory that I seem to find my passion expanding more... Once more if you like this please give it a like and a reblog and if you have any questions or comments please feel free to send me a message.

Tags: forced vaginal penetration, forced anal penetration, screaming, crying, choking from gagging, magical mind melding sex, bad ass escape skills,  forced oral sex, gagging, puking from gagging, impregnation, male dick in male ass 

****THIS STORY IS 18+ DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE... SERIOUSLY THIS WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES... THIS IS PERHAPS THE DARKEST STORY I HAVE EVER WRITTEN!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED****

Kink masterlist. H&H masterlist. Dark masterlist.

You are a huntress, you had lived all over. While living in Greece several years ago you were walking in the countryside, you came across a temple.

Normally you weren't the religious type but today you felt drawn to the temple. You turned to the goddess Artemis for guidence.

Unbeknown to you at that moment that the actual goddess herself would come to speak with you in person.

Artemis: "child, you are blessed with a gift from the gods. I'm Artemis and I have heard your prayers my child. You have found favor under me by which I bestow to you the daggers of Olympus. These daggers grant you the powers of the 12 main Olympians. Use them in your quest to vanquish the demons that haunt this realm. Remember child yell when your holding the daggers & blessings will befall you. Now go home, your next quest is waiting for you. Remember this name: Winchester!"

YN: "Artemis thank you I go now under the guidence of the gods."

You left and boarded the next possible flight. You remembered what Artemis had said, the daggers became bracelets, you arrived home to discover your only hope of retrieving your weapons cache, was to somehow knock out the 2 guys that showed up just before you did.

You overheard their conversation it went something like this:

John: "look Sam I don't pretend to understand what your going through but you can't speak to your brother the way you did & you certainly as hell don't get to speak to me that way either."

At that moment it was unclear to John what was happening. He went to move but felt his darkness rise up once more.

This made your hunting senses go haywire, you tried to ninja your way passed them using the cover of darkness, but they spotted you..

Dark!John: "hey Sam look over here son!"

Demon Blood!Sam: "well well let's play with her shall we?"

Dark!John: "let's get away from here first then we shall have some fun with her."

Both guys were immediately by your sides they knocked you out. by the time you woke up again tied to a bed.

Dark!John: “oh good you’re awake, we were afraid you would sleep through all the fun!”

YN: “who are you?”

Demon Blood !Sam: “have you ever heard the name of Winchester?”

thats when Artemis’ words rang through your mind... 

YN: “you’re what my mentor warned me about. let me go... what do you intend to do with me?” 

Dark!John: “we intend to fuck you into the middle of next week unloading our dark semen into you, little girl. we will begin in just a few moments.”

John and Sam left the area, you struggled against your binds, your next move was to pray to Artemis.

YN: “Artemis Goddess of the Hunt, freeze time in my stay, come now to speak with me.”

in that moment, time stopped as Artemis appeared.

Artemis: “what has happened my child?”

YN: “those 2 goons over there go by the last name of Winchester. please o great & humble Artemis send me salvation for i know i cannot fight what is about to happen.”

Artemis: “not to worry child ill see what i can do...”

in that moment as fast as she had come, she was gone.. you sat in wait, fearing neigh dreading what was gonna happen to you, loosing the barrier of your innocence is something that has always kept you from falling too far in love... 

you retreated to your safe haven, to your inner mind, now you werent paying any attention , you knew you would eventually come back to reality but for right then you were perfectly happy living in your magic.

the rumors surrounding the winchester name were true... but un-beknown to you, your salvation would soon involve another winchester. Meanwhile Artemis was having a discussion with her “brother” Ares.

Artemis: “its time bro, you need to share your powers with the other chosen by the Gods. it is the only way to save my prospect.”

Ares: “chill out sis, who is the lucky person to inherit my gifts?”

Artemis: “dean Winchester.”

Ares: “come with me sister. this will go alot smoother if your by my side..”

Artemis: “very well brother...”

both ares and artemis went on their way to see the better of the winchester line. they appeared scaring the living daylights out of Dean whose reaction was to pull out the handheld, aiming it at Ares and Artemis.

Ares takes a few steps forward now standing directly in front of Dean rolls his eyes.

Ares: “bro put that down... trust me boy your the only solution but your gonna have to act fast...”

Dean lowered his gun at the ringing of Ares’ words...

Dean: “what are you talking about? who are you?”

Artemis: “Dean, you’re one of those chosen by the Gods of Olympus... Ares beside me here is going to give you access to his power as well as that of the 12 main Olympians.”

Dean sat down on the edge of his bed, the expression of shock clear cross his face.

Dean: “well if the dude is Ares, who does that make you sweetheart?”

Artemis: “i am Artemis Goddess of the Hunt... Dean do you accept the charges that Ares will provide to you?”

Dean: “of course but why are you guys just approaching me now?”

Ares: “cause your time to awaken is now, your partner from the Gods is in serious trouble. Dean, you have found favor within me, i bestow to you now the dual swords of Olympus, they will turn into Gauntlets when you arent in battle. the swords will grant you the powers of the Gods. now your task is to go and find one called YN, she is a huntress & your chosen partner. your father & brother are the ones that have her.”

Dean’s eyes went wide with shock and a bit of anger...

Dean: “where is she? how do i reach her?”

Artemis: “we will show you where but once there you must hurry for if they impregnate her, the apocalypse will start. Both you & YN are the 2 people both set to start the apocalypse as well as start it. her getting filled with dark sperm is the first seal broken, this must not be allowed to happen. once you rescue her you have to call our names & we will get you away from there. they havent climaxed yet they havent even started fucking her yet, but they are about to start... i know this cause im connected to her. Dean are you prepared to fight your own family?”

Dean: “im prepared to do what is necessary to save my partner...”

back at what you assumed to be some sort of a motel or hotel room.

YN: “look okay you guys really dont want to do this.. ive got very very powerful friends.”

Dark!John: “shut up you stupid bitch... take what we are gonna give you and like it...”

John came up to your pussy first running his finger through your folds before replacing his finger with his cock. you struggled, you knew what was about to happen... but you felt powerless at that moment to stop it... 

Sam came up to your mouth and started to slap your face with his cock... this went on for several moments before he tried to make you gag on his fingers, you ended up gagging but you bit him in the process... 

Demon Blood!Sam: “why you little bitch... thats it... Dad you can take her virginity im gonna teach this bitch not to bite people...”

Dark!John: “if your not ready for me by now sweetheart your not gonna have a choice now...”

before you could come back with your remark, Sam shoved his Cock in your mouth, thrusting in and out holding position making your eyes water and causing you to gag. you were only given a 1 second breathing period between gagging sessions. 

after the first 5 gagging sessions Sam was laughing so hard amused by your gagging that he didnt even realize that you threw up on his cock right away... he noticed it when John spoke out...

Dark!John: “okay bitch this is for throwing up on my sons cock...”

at that moment your eyes went wide, you let out an earth shattering scream as John thrust himself hard into your pussy breaking past the barrier of your innocence. 

Demon Blood!Sam: “okay bitch, clean my cock...”

Sam then stuck his cock back in your mouth, puke and all... this made it even harder to take in... you threw up multiple times after that... John didnt care that you were bleeding a bit, that soon stopped when your pussy started to form to John... 

you screamed between gags, you were crying and choking and barely breathing... you only hoped that your salvation would soon arrive and that your powers would not show, for the darkness must not contact the light... you retreated into your mental space only partially to keep up the gagging and noises... 

Artemis was now in a similar but not state of shock over what she was feeling from you, she knew you had retreated to your safe space... 

Artemis: “omg we dont have alot of time, YN is growing weak... if they impregnate her they will... wait a moment thats it... as soon as you have eyes on YN you need to mind meld with her, your powers are linked, it will allow you to meet her and to mentally fuck her.”

Dean: “im sorry what... mentally fuck her... what the fuck does that mean?”

Artemis: “ill explain before i send you in... lets go...”

Dean stood up in time to be transported with Ares and Artemis just outside of a warehouse district.

Dean: “explain please...”

Ares: “basically long story short you and YN can fuck in your shared mental space and what ever transpires in there climax wise will transpire in reality. meaning if you cum inside her in your shared mind, it will cancel any dark energy they would be putting into her in reality.”

Dean: “and all i have to do is connect to YN...”

Artemis: “yes she is in her mental space now... but the guys are close to releasing into her... you have about an hour at best before they release... once in the mental scape time will speed up... so make sure you stay out of sight till yours and YN’s roles are done in the mental space... Ares and I will wait here for you to call our names and we will pull you both out.”

Dean stared at the building behind him searching it with his powers trying to get a lock on you... finally after a few moments Dean was no longer in front of Ares and Artemis but instead was high in the rafters of one of the buildings in the district... 

he looked down and saw you, his father and his brother. he got into a position where he was sure that he wasnt gonna fall or anything and while keeping you in sight. he channeled his inner powers and went deep into a state of mind where hopefully he would find you...

entering the joining point he saw something in the distance that he could only assume had to be you. Dean then figured he had better look the part of “not here to hurt you” or anything look peaceful while still hot and sexy... 

indeed the form he had seen was you, sitting on the ground with your knees tight to your chest, knowing that you were at this point helpless to stop what was happening outside... thats when your powers sparked, making you turn around...

YN: “who are you?”

Dean: “im Dean Winchester... yes in unfortunate relation to the ones who are currently giving you your current predicament. but at the same time im the good one. i threw away my darkness a long time ago.. i never looked back. im the other chosen by the Gods of Olympus with Ares as my guide. our patrons wait outside this building for us... but we have to do something first to counteract whats happening outside.”

YN: “what do we have to do? what can we do we are in here they are out there defiling my body... they stole my innocence... they took the thing that kept me from loosing my sanity...”

Dean: “Artemis said that what we do in here in the form of sex, the only thing that will stay as a permenant to your outside form is the climax that i unload into you in here... that will stop them from releasing their darkness inside of you and breaking the first seal of the apocalypse.”

YN: “Dean i trust you to get us out of this mess safely and when we get back to our physical forms i shall like to explore more of what we can be together slowly.”

Dean helps you stand his clothes falling off of him, his arms lift you high softly and gently placing you on his cock. being thrust by Dean made you feel different, like it was meant to be, like this was destined.

Ares: “did they just.?.”

Artemis: “its happening... lets be ready to pull them out... there is only 10 minutes left out here but to them it will feel like mere hours.”

Ares: “lets hope the speed of the Gods makes their work alot faster.”

Artemis: “i hope your right brother.”

Dean was speeding up alot faster than normal, he then remembered about his powers. they were still kicking in, well he now had the speed of Hermes and man was he putting it to good use. 

Dean (out of breath): “squirt for me baby! i can tell your almost there... by my time count so am i and so are they... squirt for me baby... Ares, Artemis be ready to pull us out with clothes on, we are almost there...”

you were now in a half mental and half physical state so John and Sam could hear the earth shattering orgasmic scream you let out the second you climaxed, Dean, John and Sam also climaxed... you spat out the seman right back at Sam and vomited immediately. 

your magic was working to expell the darkness from your body... Dean was also back in his own body... for he then smiled lightly...

Dean: “Ares great God of War, Artemis Goddess of the Hunt pull our asses out. and someplace far way.”

within seconds you and dean were whisked away but Ares decided to teach John and Sam a lesson so he used his power to make them ready to cum again but placed them on the bed where John was about to unload into Sam’s ass and Sam all over John... 

Ares stayed to leave a creepy voice over.

Ares (thundering voice from above): “if either of you morons ever think about contacting that girl or your other family member again i will personally deliever you both to the firey gates of tartarus myself for the dark tretchery you have caused.”

you and Dean suddenly found yourselves in a room, one unlike that of which either of you had ever seen. there was a knock on the wall making both of you look up.

Artemis: “welcome to Olympus... i’m sure you both have lots of questions. let me be the first to say congratulations. but that is news for after a few words from Zeus...”

both you and Dean got down and Bowed before the king of the Gods. looking up at Zeus who smiled and gestured for both you and Dean to rise.

Zeus: “YN & Dean, i am delighted to meet those chosen by Artemis and Ares. i hope you will find this quarters to your liking. dont worry Artemis and Ares will go in a while to collect your possessions from earth. when you both are up to it i would like to discuss a few terms and oaths with you both. but right now with what you both have been through you both need to rest. Artemis and Ares wont be far, the grounds are extensive but are free to roam. no boundaries or secrets. i also recommend the hot spring it has healing properties. for now rest. we are delighted to have you both up on Olympus with us. please dont hesitate to ask questions, welcome to the family.”

with those words Zeus was gone. Artemis stuck robes and towels and things like that in the wardrobe.

Artemis: “dont worry YN when your better we will go buy many of the necessities for you from the best shops this side of greece. but i agree with father as much as it pains me too, you both need to rest. everything else can be put on hold for as long as you need to feel normal again.”

you both bow slightly as she leaves and a tinted glass door closes behind her and a couple of curtains fall over the door and the windows. this left you and Dean completely alone.

Dean: “are you okay?”

YN: “no.”

Dean: “do you feel like talking about it?”

YN: “not really..”

Dean: “lay with me on the bed we dont have to do anything but at least let me hold you.”

you nod as you feel the tears return to your eyes. flowing freely, yours and deans once clothed forms now lay bare covered by one single silk sheet, now cuddled together to rest from the events that took place that one awful fated day.

[alicezan-ncgred]

Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul​, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative. 

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely  meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this. 

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too. 

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin. 

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better. 

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.  

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression. 

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that. 

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD,  Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind. 

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue. 

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt. 

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly. 

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling. 

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode. 

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell. 

[nothingnessthots]

Amazing

I loved everything about today. for my first time ever tripping i wouldnt have wanted to do it with anyone other than the one and only Sydney, I felt everything i was looking at and there were moments when all i could decipher was the ground pulsating underneath my body as i sprawled in the forest of hoover. Everything was so real and living and it really made me realize that everything else literally doesnt matter. my friends are so amazing and made sure i didnt die and i dont think its because they wanted to or had to but its because they wanted me to be alive and you know thats why were all here. my friends are all so supportive and amazing i couldnt ask for anyone better. MGMT WHEN YOU DIE. all i know. is that acid is amazing. we went out there. WE WERE SO NOT READY CJNDJNDJK WE LITERALLY HAD NO WATER OR PHONES WE COULDA PASSED OUT BUT WE MADE IT. Mother earth herself granted us with Water. im so grateful for this beautiful place we live on. literally i was sitting on a piece of the world with my best friend for hours. watching the water come out of the dam looking like a whole ass daisy blooming in slow motion in front of my eyes but in reality it was moving so fast and it wasnt a flower but water fucking flowing. the water sounded like kali uchis voice. soothing and almost spiritual.i wish i could still see everything moving. -see you again tyler the creator- can i get a kissssssssss - back to the water, i def cried looking at it. we cried a lot. it felt beautiful. “is it raining or are these tears?” we literally wouldnt stop crying and thinking it was raining and now that i think of it i really wish it rained but we can save that for another time. our trip was so random but expected ya know. i asked sydney if she wanted to trip because i was thinking about buying some and it just HAPPENED. SYDNEY IS THAT BITCH. i really needed this trip day so i can relax and say fuck everything!!! you already know i got home though (after being gone for an entire fucking week in florida) threw all my shit into the washer and got all my goodies cleaned so i can be cutie again. then tripped. lmao we love a responsible queen. im currently listening to music and writing this. having such a fun time at 3:05 in the morning and i got home at 1:30. i bet you if i text sydney she would still be awake right now. i have terrible lock jaw but thats honestly it man. this is what im listening to right fucking now. i dont know whos going to read this. but if you are. i love you. i need you so. this song is adorable i just started typing it out lmao i feel like i need to sleep soon but i have so many things flowing through my mind i sort of want to play around on tumblr. all i want to say is thank you. we are more than amazing and the thots and nothingness that are coming out of my brain right now only make sense to me and thats okay. life. is. amazing, ohio really isnt too bad. it gave me the exact trip i was wanting my whole life. rolling around in a field in barely any clothing looking up at the sky watching the clouds turn into faces and look as if they are going to fall out of the sky onto me in a big embrace. i wanted to hug the earth, i hugged carlo in those moments. FLASH FORWARD to when we were in a car. im telling you me and syd shouldnt have been un super vised but we made it home safe and im going to add those videos onto here sometime. i took a lot of cool videos and i wish i had sydneys camera so i could mess around with all the footage and make something. i definitely need to go somewhere i can submerge my body into a perfectly warm form of water next time. the beach was fucking amazing last week too like i feel like i didnt get to experience it with anyone but lex. I started crying at one point in the trip because lex was not there. i cant believe my bff is out in florida doing what i did a year ago in california like that was a real life trip. i felt like even though me and lex are so far apart we still got each other and thats what its all about. next time i trip it will be with lex and we will cry and hug so much. im crying typing this right now. thinking about my best friend and how i love him with every piece of my HEART. thats how i feel about cheerleading too.  YO I DID A BACK FLIP ON ACID BTW FUCK WITH ME BITCHES WE GOT IT ON TAPE AND THAT JUST SHOWS I WILL FOREVER BE ABLE TO FLIP MY BODY. im going to continue doing it forever. omgggggg midway through my trip STEPHANIE TEXTED ME and asked me to go to the gym TO TEACH A CLASS!!!!!!! i said no so fast. i almost freaked out and told her i was on acid but that would have ruined my vibe so thank god i didnt. but who else would that happen to. literally just me. i felt like i was in that episode of broad city where they eat shrooms and had to go to her bosses work to deliver her macaroons. this so throughout this piece i have been adding random songs that have begun playing on my youtube that have distracted but also helped me throughout this process. im shocked at how i did not get horny throughout my trip. ive been so sexuallly frustrated for no reason at all. i dont need to be frustrated over something like that and literally everyone was on their periods so women rule anyways!!! women are just as great as men and we can reproduce a fucking child in my stomach which is awesome but like why would anyone need that right now you know. basically what im saying is i got my period and we are working well. we as in me and my body. i had a very disassociating trip in my opinion. i felt as if i was just a soul settling in the warmth and comfort of my body. i felt as if i could step out of my body and observe it. i always want to feel the way i did as i was looking at everything. to conclude my flow of thoughts and nothingness i will leave you with this, you are amazing and alive and know that i am sending every possible positive force i have in myself to you. goodnight. 

[tumblunni]

Social anxiety C C C COMBO BREAKERRRRR

I had a real good day yo!!

I was in a really stupid emotional state at 4am this morning cos of a dumb nightmare about my abusive mum that i havent seen in 15 years. But at least because of it it prompted me to try and find the address of my childhood home again, and i successfully did and i had a huge nostalgia wave just looking at google street view. I dont know if i'll ever be brave enoughto actually visit there and walk down the same road again with my new and taller legs, but just knowing that its not impossible makes me feel a lot better.

But then srsly i was in real big panic attack shakes and i couldbt get back to sleep and i had a pounding headache and my eyes hurt and then when i finally passed out i kept waking up like half an hour later and having to go thru all the hell of getting asleep again. And then when i woke up at 5pm having wasted the whole day i realized my electricity was out and i needed to walk the 1.5km to the shop where i can pay the bills and AAAAGH giant headache and on the verge of tears and its the middle of a heatwave and my hair dye is all faded bad and so many damn excuses. And 'oh well itll take like 20 minutes to get ready and then what if i walk too slow and the shop is closed'. All the stupid reasons i use to excuse my social anxiety!

BUT IM REALLY PROUD THAT I STILL DID IT

I'm not just giving myself the 1.5 on my kilometres count, im definately getting two points for 'survived anxious social situation with style and grace'!

Cos seriousky cos of the heatwave i wouldnt be able to wear heavy baggy coat yo cover myself up, so i went out in a short sleeved shirt with my binder and i was really inpressed with how good i looked in the mirror. Yknow even tho my face was like sleep deprived mega anxious death hell! XD but yeahi managed to accomplish the Basic Things Of Daily Life despite being in my worst anxious state for ages, and i did it in sweltering weather and while unconfident in my ability to pass. I actually ended up having a swing in my step on the way back and enjoyed a completely un anxious walk for once! I just saw myself in the mirror in the supermarket bathroom and was like 'holy shit i look perfectly fine, what was i worried about?' And then i didnt completely fall apart due to the now new worry that if i was actually successfully passing then maybe i'd get kicked out for using the bathroom of my birth sex. It was a slow shopping day so nobody else came in there, it was fine. And i mean i'd still feel equally as anxious using the other bathroom, there arent any unisex toilets for nonbinary folk :(

But yeah i handled it really well!! Its such a small anxiety to other people tho and i still feel ashamed that i cant completely shed my peoplephobia all at once. But this was a really big step up that metaphorical staircase!

Oh and while i was there i actually felt confident enough to Actually Do Some Damn Shopping! I didnt just limit it to a basic run and gun, get in there, get the one thing and leave thing. I very often do that!! Sometimes it takes me two trips to the shops to get everything cos i got so anxious i just ran home after the first thing XD But today i actually wandered around the whole supermarket and checked if there was anything on sale or anything i forgot to put on my shopping list. Again, very basic thing that normal people do every day, but for me i usually get irrationally panicked so this was a disproportionately big accomplishment!

I BOUGHT A SHOES

I havent bought a new pair of shoes since like.. 4 years? 5 maybe? I cant recall if it was before i moved here or just after. I have a stupid habit of only owning one thing and only replacing it when its broken, because like.. Leftover instincts from being poorer. And its stupid cos im perfectly able to splurge on electronics or pokemon merchandise or whatever when i have spare money, yet when it comes to actual life necessities im like 'nah what a waste'. I guess its cos avoiding paying for them was a common experience during those homeless times, whereas splurging on self birthday gifts was not a thing i could ever do at all. Possibly this is the same reason i get easily suckered in by scratchcards and lootboxes, its easy to not notice how much i'm wasting when its not something i have a long experience with. Plus they kinda cheat by making each singular pull be cheap and then encouraging you to keep gambling fifty more times. But its only 2 bucks each time~fuckin hell im dumb to fall for that shit.

ANYWAY thats why ive been using the same shitty pair of trainers for like five years. Theyre really durable but theyre not exactly comfy or very good looking. Theyre like this neon green and yellow and black tron lines abomination that i DO KINDA LOVE but ive gotta admit that it doesnt fit with many outfits. I literally dont own a single other yellow anything.

So yeah i bought three pairs of shoes on sale for 15 pound in total HOLY SHIT thats a good dealio! I got some plimsolls/daps/im not actually sure what they call them in other countries sorry. Its like the fabric shoe but it has a good grip runner's sole to it? Always used to wear them in gym class at school, i liked them beter than trainers cos the sole wasnt as thick and inflexible. I mean im already clumsy without like 3cm more height on me! And then i got some sort of loafer thing thats similar but more The Comfort. And then i also got some super soft indoor slippers! So now i actyalky have shoes for differebt occasions!! Jogging walking and laying around being a couch potato! Not just wearing these big chunky trainers for all of that! I mean lol it used to be even worse, once my Only Shoes were actualky these huge mountain climbing boots XD i got them free from the homeless shelter and kept them for years after i left, even tho they were too tight and always cut up the back of my ankles. Ah, memories of past trauma! Why am i stirring up so many of these today!!

So anyway yeah thats my Very Boring Normal Day that for once i managed to handle like a normal human being. I'm proud!

Oh and i also got a glitter cowboy hat and i dont know why they were selling a glitter cowboy hat but it was the only sort of sun hat they had so i went with it. It kinda helps with dysphoria somehow?? Like i know people will criticize that part of my fashion first before they notice how ugly the rest of me is XD and its hard to be sad when you're thinking 'beep boop gender cowboy'

[lokbobpop]

Cruel

1300, "inclined or willing to make another suffer, disposed to inflict suffering, mental or physical, on any sentient being," from Old French cruel (12c.), earlier crudel, from Latin crudelis "rude, unfeeling; cruel, hard-hearted," related to crudus "rough, raw, bloody" (see crude).

disposed to inflict pain or suffering : devoid of humane feelings a cruel tyrant has a cruel heart. 2a : causing or conducive to injury, grief, or pain a cruel joke a cruel twist of fate. b : unrelieved by leniency cruel punishment

Cruel cru el crue l cr uel c ruel

Writing the word cruel

When i saw this next word i was like oh this will be good to get into but as soon as i did all the things i dont want ot look at came up im my own cruelly to people or animals how what ive ive done and how i feel guilty t what ive done and done want to open thsi word so this is the perfect word to open to see realize and understand what ive aloud to happen and what i torcher myself for so lets do this.

Reading the word cruel

I feel ive been cruel to animals as in if they need the vet ive always tried home remedies first and try very hard to not go to the vets as i didnt want to spend the money on vets even last night when poor patty come home i said take her tomorrow to see have her checked out asi wanted to see if we could fix anything wrong but when she got up leilani could see it was really bad and we had to take her straight to the vets but i have fucked USA few times when alok smashed his face on the rocks when he got an ear infect i tried first to d something and both times he need the vet and i left it longer than i should of i feel and i feel cruel for doing this Bobby who could hardly pee and peed blood before i took her tooth vets to have the stones taken out you could see the relief on her when she can out of the surgery if feel was very cruel to my own animals. Teddy with his skin rash i should have put poppy asleep a Loy earlier than i did.

Animal cruelty how i had seeing on the net especially Facebook animal cruelty it makes me feel weak that i cant do anything sick that its happening to poor animals then i look at what’s suffered under my own roof with all my chickens killed because I wasn’t responsible enough to look after them i just let it be until they were all killed bu dingos.

How when ive been angry with trin ive been cruel and un motherly and shown her my rage when i should have shown her my heart not my rage guilt comes up about my parenting how i feel ashamed of myself and how cruel i could be in my words to them.

How i feel a couple of men were cruel to me hitting me how boys at school were cruel to me sayin got so nice things and feeling bad about myself

Seeing cruelty in china and blaming them but seeing glimpses of my own cruelty but not wanting to see ot at all only what they have done and not take responsibility fro what i have done within Cruelty

Putting down the emu chicks that wouldnt survive how i so didnt want to do it but ended saying oh ill do that and feeling guilt about doing it taking haters lives in my hands gosh i just slipped into desire while writing out my cruelty how bad is that the mind is not fro me your time is coming to an end i will be free of you you know not how to serve me i will serve myself thank you and bye

I think anu must of been the cruelest of them all how did he sit and watch all that suffered and didnt care about how it must be to be in these positions the pain and torcher i know i should blame him and take my own responsibility here and i do i see but to be trapped in thsi mind construct for so many eons of time of my beingness i feel blame i feel its been very unjust how did he not feel any guilt what so ever about what he did i feel guilt of what i did how come he never thought for one moment what he was doing was wrong and thought i must stop this it took a person down here to getup there t stop this how is this possible yes i blame him for having not compassion for anything but himself

Saying cruel out loud

Cruelty to man cruelty to animals cruelty to the ocean cruelty to the oceans to our lands when will we stop when will we see what we do when will we take responsibility for what we have done and what we are doing and stop it.

Cruel on the floor like a baby

Sf

Does this definition support me no but im so glad to open it up to see it to breathe it how ive been so cruel how society has been so cruel how anu and his men have been so cruel and that we loud all thsi to happen and now have ot spend the rest out our lives having to live with what we have done for millions of years who knows what ive done ive been killed by people i have killed been mean spiteful ive dont it all i have been the evil i see in anu and his men i w=have done this and i feel sad that the rest of my days bet it where ever will always be with me i will have ot live with this responsibility for the rest of my like in beingness

Cruel c rule

Cruel

To see how ive been to never do it again and to only do what is best for all

When seeing cruelty know that my process is the only thing that is going to change that so to pull my finger out and do what need sot be done,

I will live this word with doing whats best within myself as in if i feel i being cruel to stop immediately if i see cruelty to know that i need to move myself into process i need ot get me done and o help other get it done. Self determination self perfection

[thedappleddragon]

ho hum lets see, what the fuck did I do today?

I know I had a dream last night about goin around doing whatevr stimmin and acting dumb in front of a lot of people, and I specifically remember saying “I'm autistic, you asshole, you're not allowed to make fun of me” and like skjhagsdfjkha. first off I have adhd not autism (probably) second this is something I would say lmao. but uhhh I don't remember doing jack shit in the morning. I took a shower and washed my hair in preparation to go out and do some errands, and it felt really nice to just hang out in the bathroom and brush my hair. midday shower supremacy. when my sister was ready I made her go with me to the store, but we say our dad’s car there too lol. she stayed in the car and made me shop, and my mom asked for stuff they didn't have. so stopped by dollar tree, dropped off groceries, and headed to joann’s to finally get a zipper for my sewing project. we almost forgot it until we were already in line lol. I also picked up a pattern tracing marker that’s supposed to disappear with water, but when I tried it at home, it didnt even show up. it was only like 4 dollars so im not gonna bother trying to return it. I also got 2 little blue butterfly appliqués I may or may not use. after checkout we sat in the parking lot for a moment, texting mom about food, and I took the weirdest way possible to get to hardees. my sister and I ate in her room and then I laid around in my room for a while, looking up a couple things for my sewing project. because the marker I bought didnt fuckin work, I went around my house trying to find something that would, but ultimatey didnt really find anything. then I remembered dollar tree had chalk pens, so I went over there in their last 15 minutes of being open to get 2 different colors of chalk and more tiny jars and a strawberry lemonade. I tested the 2 markers on a scrap piece of fabric, drawing a line and then rinsing it under water, and when it dried I couldn't tell which side I had marked which means it worked :D hell yeah. so now I know if there are any markings left on the final product I can just throw it in the wash on delicate to get rid of them all. (cass if ur reading stop it because birthday spoilers) I also sat on my bed and filled the tiny jars with more rose petals and baby’s breath and crushed up leaves. these jars were even tinier than the ones I got a couple days ago because they were out of that size. my dad brought home the tiny tiny drill bits I asked for, so I baked the shrinky dink fairy wings to go with my friend’s birthday gift and very carefully drilled the TINIEST holes in them. I might have to remake one wing because I drilled too close to the edge, but I think it should be fine? I think im going to end up reinforcing them all with resin anyway. but they shrank really nicely and I used a book to smash them down completely flat which worked surprisingly well. the backs had cloudy lines from the baking paper they were resting on, so I found some old glitter paint to add a bit of sprkle and hopefully un-cloudy them. I was going to add the uv resin but the sun was setting and I didnt trust that my resin would fully cure before nightfall so I'm just waiting until tomorrow. (irl friends pls dont read past this point please, I’m trying to keep SECRETS!) while I was just hanging out after doing those other projects, I looked through all my dress pattern pieces again, trying to find some tutorials that might help about how to hem a sweetheart neckline, until I realized the bodess will be lined and hem itself. but I did find some good tutorials on how to hem a circle skirt that I'll probably end up using later. I looked at the clock and realized yeah I could finally start patterning and cutting my pieces today. I was still nervous about cutting into the main patterned fabric, and felt like I wouldn't have time to deal with all those pieces at once, so I grabbed the lining fabric and started tracing. I made myself a tiny cardboard template for seam allowances because the circle one I made earlier wasn't going to work with the dollar store markers. at first I thought I was only going to cut out a couple pieces, but I cut and pinned and sewed the entire bodess lining! it was really fun and I felt very cool and accomplished until I tried it on and it didnt fit how I wanted like at all. I realized my problem was that I had traced everything out to a size 46 when all my measurements kept bouncing between 44/46, but I was also measuring hip stuff for pattern pieces I ended up not needing, which pushed me to make everything a 46, when really all my upper body measurments probably would have me at a 44 instead. I so got kind of discouraged. ive been building up this idea of what this dress was gonna be and how perfectly it’ll fit and I'll be so cool rolling up in this dress I made all by myself, but it’s gonna look like ass if it doesn't fit right. I went ahead and cut the pattern templates to the 44 lines, and I set the bodess aside and just made the pockets. I actually really like how those turned out! I used a ~French seam~ so they would have finished edges on both sides with no chance of fraying and feel good against my hand in the pocket and my legs in the skirt. the shape and the blue fabric makes it look like a big squid ward nose tho lmao. im not sure how I'm going to fix the lining other than maybe take in all the seams later? but im not gonna do anything to it until I've cut out and sewed the outer bodess and see how that turns out. I made more progress today than I thought I would, which means I can work faster than I thought and I dont need to worry at all about getting this dress done before my friend’s picnic party. tomorrow I get VACCINATED, HEALL YEAH and then I work the day after that for about four hours. I hope side effects aren't too shitty and subside by the time work starts... wish me luck gamers. 

[quack-and-yellow]

Free Fall – Max Meyer One Shot

For Anna. Thanks for the plot! Tweaked it a bit – hope you don’t mind. :)

Also, my sister and my good friend Dana talked me into being “un-petty” when it comes to writing, and I love them too much to resist. So here’s a fic about the only Schalke player I can stand. :)))))

—

Ibiza was a bad idea. Anna knew it, yet she agreed to go with her best friends. If anything, it was a test for her heart – if she had already moved on from her breakup.

Too soon, Anna, she thought bitterly as she looked away from the couple who started making out on the beach deck chair in front of her. Too soon.

If she could have her say about breakups, it’s that the bawling and the sleepless nights aren’t the worst parts. The shittiest part is what comes after. How it taints just about anything – names, places, things and holidays. She ended up hating something she used to enjoy, simply because it reminded her of her ex.

In this case, the world’s party capital had his name written all over it – where he almost tripped when he was drunk, where they made out, where they watched the sunset… She used to love the beach and getting a tan, the nightlife and possibly everything about Ibiza. Now she hated it. It was hot and crowded and not at all breathtaking. Her ex ruined it for her.

“You are turning into somewhat of a killjoy,” Brenda huffed.

Anna glanced at Brenda and knew her friend was referring to her. She noticed Brenda’s tan lines for the first time, with her blonde hair pulled into a messy bun. On a normal day, she would have been envious. Brenda always gets the sexiest tan lines.

“It’s our second day here,” Carmen added, who was also tanned to perfection. Her sandy brown curls blew in the wind. “We haven’t gone to a single club because you sleep earlier than my grandmother.”

“My grandma is more fun than you,” Brenda chided.

Anna opened her mouth to argue, but thought better and quickly shut it. It’s true, she planned to spend her whole stay cooped up in their room, which wasn’t such a bad idea with a queen-sized comfy bed, Netflix and greasy hotel food. No wonder the harsh sun blinded her the moment her friends dragged her sorry ass out.

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Carmen accused.

“Oh, get a grip. It’s been, what, two months?” Brenda said, frowning.

“A month and a half, I think,” Carmen corrected.

“Still a long time to be sitting around moping, if you ask me,” the blonde said with a smirk.

“Hello? You’re talking about me in front of me,” Anna snapped. “What kind of friends are you?” She snatched Brenda’s margarita and took a long sip.

“The kind who only wants the best for you,” Brenda said, snatching her drink back. “The kind who can be brutally honest with you because you need it.”

Anna threw her hands in defeat. “God, fine, what do you want to do?”

Shrieks and laughter suddenly pierced the monotonous crashing of waves on the beach. Anna looked at the direction of the noise.

“Oh wait,” she said, wriggling her eyebrows at them. “I know what I want to do.”

***

The cliff-diving spot was the only untainted spot in Ibiza that Anna could remember. She has always wanted to try it, but her ex wouldn’t let her and he never said anything about accompanying her. Maybe he was scared? What a loser.

“There are so many hot guys here,” Brenda said, giggling. “Hot, daring guys are a yes in my book. Good call, Anna.”

Carmen reprimanded her with a shake of the head then turned to her other friend. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Anna almost replied, yes, ever since my first day in Ibiza with him, but that would mean he’s still part of this spot. Anna wouldn’t allow it. This was her spot. She nodded. “Should I go first?”

“Wait!” Brenda hissed. “You should ask one of them to jump with you.”

“Do you ever quit?” Anna shot her a dirty look, but she couldn’t deny that her friend was right. An adventurous spirit sure is attractive.

“Come on, just for fun?” Brenda pressed eagerly.

“Yeah,” Carmen chimed in, eyeing a guy in red board shorts.

Anna rolled her eyes and surveyed the few ones who hadn’t jumped yet. “Okay, I choose that short guy.” She pointed at a blond in black board shorts who was horsing around with two of his friends. They were trying to push each other off the cliff.

“But that’s…” Carmen whispered. “That’s Max Meyer.”

“I know,” Anna said nonchalantly, flipping her long hair. “I mean, what do I have to lose? I got dumped, right?”

She also knew that a famous person like Max would refuse, and that was all she needed to get her friends off her back.

Anna strode confidently towards the guys, but she felt all poise dwindle when Max met her gaze. She quickly averted her eyes and, in the last minute, turned to his friend in pink shorts instead.

“Hi!” she greeted cheerfully, mustering her cutest smile. “I’m Anna.”

“Hi, Anna.” Pink Dude gave her a once-over, which made her freeze from self-consciousness. “What can I do for you?”

“It’s – it’s my first time to try this.” Anna gestured at a couple that just jumped, their shrieks fading into a splash below. “I was wondering if I could ask you to jump with me?” She fluttered her eyelashes for good measure, which made her cringe inside. What the hell, Anna?

“I can jump with you,” Max offered from behind Pink Dude.

Anna’s mouth dropped open and she glanced at her friends, panicking. He’s supposed to say no!

The Schalke midfielder’s expression was that of indifference but there’s also no denying the confidence, even in his voice. He might be the shortest but he looked like the badass boss – and with a tattoo sleeve to boot. The thought made Anna want to laugh and, to her mortification, an actual snort escaped her. Max raised an eyebrow at her.

“Oh! Oh, wow,” she exclaimed, laughing nervously. “Wow, that’s so kind of you. Thank you.”

The two taller guys stepped back to give them space on the edge. Anna peered down and gulped. The heads bobbing below looked so tiny. It was deeper than she thought.

“Don’t look down,” Max said. His tone almost sounded like an order.

She drew in a shuddered breath and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Do you want to run or just jump from here?” he asked.

“J-jump… here,” she stammered.

Max took her hand, and he didn’t say anything about how dead cold it was. Anna opened her eyes and looked into his blue ones and then at their hands clasped together. Her heart hammered in her chest and her knees buckled. She bounced on the balls of her feet so he wouldn’t notice.

“Ready?” he asked.

She took a deep breath and nodded. Max counted to three under his breath, squeezed her hand and then together they leaped through the air. 

The water was surprisingly warm, and sinking into it was strangely calming. It blocked everything out. Anna wished she could open her eyes and see what it looked like underwater. It was only when she felt a tug at her hand that she realized Max was with her. She let herself be pulled back up to the surface. 

Max was the first to break out of the water. He watched as she slowly blinked away the sting from the saltwater and felt around to check if her bikini was still intact. When he realized this, he looked away, his cheeks burning.

“Stay close to me,” he said in between gulps of air. 

Anna squinted at him and slipped through his grasp, breaking into a freestyle stroke away from him, away from the noise.

“Hey!” he called, chasing after her.

She ducked under, grateful for the warmth and hush of the water. She stayed underneath until she felt her lungs burn. When she resurfaced, she was a good distance away from the people and the cliff itself.

“You’re not a first-timer,” Max said, swimming towards her.

Anna began treading water. She couldn’t help but laugh even as she panted.

“So you’re not? It’s just a bet or what?”

She couldn’t tell if he was pissed because he had the same indifferent look and tone. “In the first place, I asked Pink Dude to jump with me,” she argued.

He chuckled. “That’s Samy.”

They looked at the distant cliff and could barely hear the noise from the people. The crashing of waves was soothing to Anna’s ears.

“It’s my first time, I swear,” she said. “But I’ve always wanted to do it.”

“Why just now?”

She paused, trying her best not think of the real reason. “I’m trying to make new memories of this place.”

Max tilted his head sideways, smirking. “Cheesy. Got dumped here or something?”

Anna bit her lip, tasting the saltwater. His brash statement felt like a slap on the face, but she quickly dismissed it. She knew she couldn’t hold it against the football player, who was a stranger to her feelings.

When she didn’t respond, Max averted his gaze, realizing his rudeness. “It’s brave of you to try something new,” he mumbled, floating on his back.

“Thanks,” Anna said quietly. “Thanks for jumping with me too.”

Max closed his eyes and smirked again.

She floated on her back too and spread her arms sideways. She tilted her face to the sun and felt her skin starting to burn. Their fingers touched and soon the skin of their arms as they floated side by side. Anna smiled. For the first time in a long while, she felt at peace with her heart. With Ibiza. With the world.

“Hey.” Max’s voice broke into her thoughts, and a splash on her face startled her. “We should head back.”

She glared at him and splashed him back. They did it for a while, chasing each other on the surface.

“Race you to the shore?” he challenged.

Anna won, and she didn’t dare tease him about his height because, in truth, he was still taller than her. Max grumbled good-naturedly when he reached the shore. With both hands, he wiped the water from his face and rubbed his blond head. Anna couldn’t help but run her gaze appreciatively on his bare upper body. Droplets of water glistened on his skin and ran in rivulets down his toned chest and stomach. She blushed and guiltily lowered her gaze to the white sand.

She pondered on the fall earlier. There was no time to think about anything because it happened so fast, but she remembered feeling weightless. As if nothing mattered – just the pull of gravity. And it felt good. Someday, she would be ready to fall again.

“Anna,” Max said, and the sound of her name in his voice – in a friendly tone – made her stomach flip.

She looked up cautiously and found the corner of his lips turned upward in a smirk. She felt his expression growing on her.

“Want to try again?” He held out his hand to her.

Anna’s fingers tingled with excitement. She smiled and took his hand.

[allbeendonebefore]

What are your favourite head/canon things about Alberta

[cracks knuckles] [stretches fingers]

so i’ll just start with a disclaimer - i use sherry’s/iamp/whatever alberta and i realize ive been getting a lot of followers who are part of rp groups and whatever or people who might be interested in adding some depth to their own ocs so feel free to like… think about these things if you want if you’re thinking of doing an alberta oc?? I guess

so since that mysterious slash implies what are my fave canonical things about AB too I’ll say that there isn’t much- I go with what sherry says on canon rather than IAMP and PC because while there are a lot of things I had influence over in both projos there are a lot of things I would have done differently so we’ll start with the bio

Canon Stuff

literally all the things are accurate sooo its hard lol. Obviously the political situation has changed and the economic situation is its usual rollercoaster (WELL… but thats another time). I gotta say that the ‘alberta beef is the best thing that’s ever happened to me’ is really hitting home right now because i didnt realize how SPOILED i was by AAA beef until I got to Ontario ToT (ngl the pork here is super good and saves me money but the BEEF aAAA)

also my edmonton bias shines through at ‘he hates a part of himself called calgary’ thats by far my second fave B)))

Headcanon Stuff

ok where to start I will try to not make this an essay and i can elaborate more if you’re curious

- a lot of people will wonder about whether a province lives in the capital or the biggest city etc. and I have to say in Bertie’s case it is NEITHER. He’d never willingly live in (d)E(a)dmonton (sorry ed ilu) because Ed represents Government which he Hates and while he would spend a fair bit of time in Calgary he gets claustrophobic/exhausted - he still in my mind represents more of the rural bits of the province than the cities. I think he might move around a little, but he probably lives on a ranch between both cities but within sight of the mountains. I’m sure he has a place to stay in each city, but he’s a country boy at heart and appreciates his space, peace and quiet. 

- Particularly space because Where else is he going to keep his 3 trucks + 2 ATVs + horses + 100000 cows + boat + canoe + kayak + all his camping junk + motorbikes + dirtbikes + tractor + other junk that people leave at his place

- that said his ‘birthplace’ is the southern ‘half’ of the province so he tends to kind of hover around there more- as i said he owns a ranch rather than a farm because the Quality Ranch Land is in the south and the Good Farm Land is in the north (and being eaten up by ugly houses ugh)

- still I think he spends a fair amount of time working up north in the Fort Mac area because Why Not make All the money. Even if you’re a rancher boy in the middle of nowhere, everyone in this province has ties to the oil industry one way or another. It wouldn’t make sense for him NOT to work in Oil and Gas because it’s literally the only job in the province lmao.

- His driving playlist consists of: Dean Brody, Corb Lund, Keith Urban, Ian Tyson, and the obligatory Nickelback which he listens to Un-ironically but also to piss off/drown out passengers when they’re annoying him

- He’s easily annoyed. By Everything. And Everyone. He���s the current national scapegoat and he takes it Extremely Personally depending on the context but also he has a relatively affectionate relationship with everyone and usually expresses his affection by pointed jabs. 

- like he literally gets along with everyone on a personal level and not just because he buys them drinks- his worst relationships are probably with BC and Ontario and that’s just because he lives to irritate them and they respond with an appropriate amount of salt. He still doesnt mind hanging out with them and bc/ab/on/qc is an unstoppable team. He just gets extremely sensitive when anyone asks to borrow money from him and will give you an earful of ‘i work SO HARD for this money to put FOOD on YOUR TaBLe���

- generally really tight fisted with money………. only when other people are looking. he makes a big deal about how little he spends on essential services and you just look at him like ‘so you’re saying you have the money to get all this crap for this rodeo coming up but you dont have the money to take yourself to the hospital after’ and hes like [coughs up blood anime style] ‘im ok i have whiskey and benadryl at home’ [adjusts his diamond studded hat]

- really big on loyalty and straightforward conversations and has NO patience for any hypocrisy or doublespeak no matter how small. The slightest of things can send him reeling with Betrayal. Also this makes him either tight lipped or TMI, there is no in between. 

- like literally reeling he’s very top heavy and you could blow him over with a sneeze, he’s all bark and only some bite. When he’s good he’s Real Good but when he’s bad he’s like a foot in the grave bad

- he’s the baby of the prairie bros but also the one with the brains- and i don’t mean in an academic sense i mean in the ‘so crazy it just might work’ sense. 

- literally he’s an idiot he doesnt understand how equalization payments work no matter how many times you explain it to him. He doesn’t understand a lot of things re: the economy but he never shuts up about them. 

- the easiest way to piss him off is to threaten his autonomy in any way, he will stop whatever he’s doing to put a boot up yer ass if you Dare suggest something like ‘why don’t you let ontario/canada take care of that for you’ even if he knows the way he’s doing something is garbage he will go out of his way to keep doing it because its ‘my way or the highway’. 

- ‘why do you have all those guns’ ‘oh you know hunting deer and stuff’ [really its because he’s terrified a rat is going to sneak into his barn or something] [but he does actually hunt] [and he’s the type of guy to have the ‘trespassers will be shot’ signs]

- I haven’t figured out WHAT truck he drives yet but i am PROUD OF HIM for no longer putting truck nuts on it, THANK GOD that went out of fashion. (That said he does not have the stacks- his truck is lifted and Shiny and also has a handful of Alberta Strong decals/stickers.) Newf probably gave him a sticker of “The Rock” or a nfld flag and he Loves it. On a scale of most to least obnoxious trucks its Mac - Bert - Cal - Ed. It’s probably a white truck.

- i should think about things he loves more, this headcanon list is mostly things that make him angry oops xDD he loves animals a lot, and not just to eat i swear. The bigger and the more horns the better.

- he really loves driving a lot, it’s like a big part of his independence factor. I think sometimes he will just drive aimlessly late at night/early morning when it’s not busy and just go and find somewhere to look at the sky.

- he looooves digging up fossils in his spare time, or just interesting rocks in general. If you say the words animatronic dinosaur he is ALREADY THERE

- he watches a lot of sci fi and really loves star trek. So Much. he’s totally attempted mowing crop circles in his lawn/fields probably multiple times. he’s still waiting for the ufos to come land. Also has a thing for spooky places and cryptids and those weird inexplicable twilight-zone like events that only happen on road trips. did i mention the Giant Roadside Attractions. 

- he has this persona of being a traditional/small-and-big-c conservative but he’s actually really into innovation and trying new things, meeting new people, etc. He interacts with so many different people lately that he’s trying to take the time to really re-evaluate himself and move away from the Klein-era “Severely Normal People” image because it doesn’t reflect him. The issue is he’s more likely to vote on economy rather than social issues so his actual progressiveness gets hidden by lack of political representation (and lets be honest he has Always hated politics). He’s got a lot of crap to sort through but he catches people who underestimate him off guard.

- was probably raised methodist/protestant/whatever but is mostly pretty secular, but he has some definite strong holdovers that make him uncomfortable about certain subjects and his first reaction to being uncomfortable is always anger.

- completely oblivious to being hit on or something or really gay situations around him but is that type of person who is like [cant walk too close to another dude because what if it looks gay bro].

- his fave cow is named buttercup

- he has definitely woken up after a night out with friends naked and alone duct taped to an air mattress and floating in the middle of a lake. true story. 

- he will macgyver his way out of any situation. doesn’t mind getting down and dirty in the mud when it’s necessary. exactly the type of person to shove his hands in bitumen and squish it around or to pick up a rock and lick it or to shove a thermometer up a cow. When he gets squeamish he does his best to be bullheaded and pretend like Nothing is Wrong until he faints. 

- his french is crap but he Tries- the french he knows is backwater northern AB french which he’s too shy to bring up so he feigns ignorance. His german is good and his ukrainian is passable, his spanish is fine, he’s trying to get the hang of some other languages but doesn’t tell anyone he’s practicing because he hates getting made fun of xD

- the hat and boots are Absolutely to make him look taller than he actually is. He doesn’t wear inserts but he does make sure the sole/heel on any boot he buys is Thick. Smol insecure man with a Big hat. Will spend 300 bucks on shoes, but he actually does ride/work so its an investment for him. 

- heads to Arizona/Mexico in the winter when he’s not working, otherwise Banff/Jasper are his ‘budget’ vacations lol. 

i love this stupid province pls ask if you have any more questions because i love to talk and i feel like i’ve said too much already lol

[drkcnry67]

Title: your demons are my darkness

Pairing: Dark!John x Demon blood!Sam x Reader/ eventual Dean x Reader

Kink: Gangbang

Dark: Dark!John

Heaven & Hell: Demon Blood!Sam

created for @spnkinkbingo @heavenandhellbingo @spndarkbingo​

A/N: This will be a really tough thing for me to write again this is the territory that I seem to find my passion expanding more... Once more if you like this please give it a like and a reblog and if you have any questions or comments please feel free to send me a message.

Tags: forced vaginal penetration, forced anal penetration, screaming, crying, choking from gagging, magical mind melding sex, bad ass escape skills,  forced oral sex, gagging, puking from gagging, impregnation, male dick in male ass 

****THIS STORY IS 18+ DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE... SERIOUSLY THIS WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES... THIS IS PERHAPS THE DARKEST STORY I HAVE EVER WRITTEN!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED****

Kink masterlist. H&H masterlist. Dark masterlist.

You are a huntress, you had lived all over. While living in Greece several years ago you were walking in the countryside, you came across a temple.

Normally you weren't the religious type but today you felt drawn to the temple. You turned to the goddess Artemis for guidence.

Unbeknown to you at that moment that the actual goddess herself would come to speak with you in person.

Artemis: "child, you are blessed with a gift from the gods. I'm Artemis and I have heard your prayers my child. You have found favor under me by which I bestow to you the daggers of Olympus. These daggers grant you the powers of the 12 main Olympians. Use them in your quest to vanquish the demons that haunt this realm. Remember child yell when your holding the daggers & blessings will befall you. Now go home, your next quest is waiting for you. Remember this name: Winchester!"

YN: "Artemis thank you I go now under the guidence of the gods."

You left and boarded the next possible flight. You remembered what Artemis had said, the daggers became bracelets, you arrived home to discover your only hope of retrieving your weapons cache, was to somehow knock out the 2 guys that showed up just before you did.

You overheard their conversation it went something like this:

John: "look Sam I don't pretend to understand what your going through but you can't speak to your brother the way you did & you certainly as hell don't get to speak to me that way either."

At that moment it was unclear to John what was happening. He went to move but felt his darkness rise up once more.

This made your hunting senses go haywire, you tried to ninja your way passed them using the cover of darkness, but they spotted you..

Dark!John: "hey Sam look over here son!"

Demon Blood!Sam: "well well let's play with her shall we?"

Dark!John: "let's get away from here first then we shall have some fun with her."

Both guys were immediately by your sides they knocked you out. by the time you woke up again tied to a bed.

Dark!John: “oh good you’re awake, we were afraid you would sleep through all the fun!”

YN: “who are you?”

Demon Blood !Sam: “have you ever heard the name of Winchester?”

thats when Artemis’ words rang through your mind... 

YN: “you’re what my mentor warned me about. let me go... what do you intend to do with me?” 

Dark!John: “we intend to fuck you into the middle of next week unloading our dark semen into you, little girl. we will begin in just a few moments.”

John and Sam left the area, you struggled against your binds, your next move was to pray to Artemis.

YN: “Artemis Goddess of the Hunt, freeze time in my stay, come now to speak with me.”

in that moment, time stopped as Artemis appeared.

Artemis: “what has happened my child?”

YN: “those 2 goons over there go by the last name of Winchester. please o great & humble Artemis send me salvation for i know i cannot fight what is about to happen.”

Artemis: “not to worry child ill see what i can do...”

in that moment as fast as she had come, she was gone.. you sat in wait, fearing neigh dreading what was gonna happen to you, loosing the barrier of your innocence is something that has always kept you from falling too far in love... 

you retreated to your safe haven, to your inner mind, now you werent paying any attention , you knew you would eventually come back to reality but for right then you were perfectly happy living in your magic.

the rumors surrounding the winchester name were true... but un-beknown to you, your salvation would soon involve another winchester. Meanwhile Artemis was having a discussion with her “brother” Ares.

Artemis: “its time bro, you need to share your powers with the other chosen by the Gods. it is the only way to save my prospect.”

Ares: “chill out sis, who is the lucky person to inherit my gifts?”

Artemis: “dean Winchester.”

Ares: “come with me sister. this will go alot smoother if your by my side..”

Artemis: “very well brother...”

both ares and artemis went on their way to see the better of the winchester line. they appeared scaring the living daylights out of Dean whose reaction was to pull out the handheld, aiming it at Ares and Artemis.

Ares takes a few steps forward now standing directly in front of Dean rolls his eyes.

Ares: “bro put that down... trust me boy your the only solution but your gonna have to act fast...”

Dean lowered his gun at the ringing of Ares’ words...

Dean: “what are you talking about? who are you?”

Artemis: “Dean, you’re one of those chosen by the Gods of Olympus... Ares beside me here is going to give you access to his power as well as that of the 12 main Olympians.”

Dean sat down on the edge of his bed, the expression of shock clear cross his face.

Dean: “well if the dude is Ares, who does that make you sweetheart?”

Artemis: “i am Artemis Goddess of the Hunt... Dean do you accept the charges that Ares will provide to you?”

Dean: “of course but why are you guys just approaching me now?”

Ares: “cause your time to awaken is now, your partner from the Gods is in serious trouble. Dean, you have found favor within me, i bestow to you now the dual swords of Olympus, they will turn into Gauntlets when you arent in battle. the swords will grant you the powers of the Gods. now your task is to go and find one called YN, she is a huntress & your chosen partner. your father & brother are the ones that have her.”

Dean’s eyes went wide with shock and a bit of anger...

Dean: “where is she? how do i reach her?”

Artemis: “we will show you where but once there you must hurry for if they impregnate her, the apocalypse will start. Both you & YN are the 2 people both set to start the apocalypse as well as start it. her getting filled with dark sperm is the first seal broken, this must not be allowed to happen. once you rescue her you have to call our names & we will get you away from there. they havent climaxed yet they havent even started fucking her yet, but they are about to start... i know this cause im connected to her. Dean are you prepared to fight your own family?”

Dean: “im prepared to do what is necessary to save my partner...”

back at what you assumed to be some sort of a motel or hotel room.

YN: “look okay you guys really dont want to do this.. ive got very very powerful friends.”

Dark!John: “shut up you stupid bitch... take what we are gonna give you and like it...”

John came up to your pussy first running his finger through your folds before replacing his finger with his cock. you struggled, you knew what was about to happen... but you felt powerless at that moment to stop it... 

Sam came up to your mouth and started to slap your face with his cock... this went on for several moments before he tried to make you gag on his fingers, you ended up gagging but you bit him in the process... 

Demon Blood!Sam: “why you little bitch... thats it... Dad you can take her virginity im gonna teach this bitch not to bite people...”

Dark!John: “if your not ready for me by now sweetheart your not gonna have a choice now...”

before you could come back with your remark, Sam shoved his Cock in your mouth, thrusting in and out holding position making your eyes water and causing you to gag. you were only given a 1 second breathing period between gagging sessions. 

after the first 5 gagging sessions Sam was laughing so hard amused by your gagging that he didnt even realize that you threw up on his cock right away... he noticed it when John spoke out...

Dark!John: “okay bitch this is for throwing up on my sons cock...”

at that moment your eyes went wide, you let out an earth shattering scream as John thrust himself hard into your pussy breaking past the barrier of your innocence. 

Demon Blood!Sam: “okay bitch, clean my cock...”

Sam then stuck his cock back in your mouth, puke and all... this made it even harder to take in... you threw up multiple times after that... John didnt care that you were bleeding a bit, that soon stopped when your pussy started to form to John... 

you screamed between gags, you were crying and choking and barely breathing... you only hoped that your salvation would soon arrive and that your powers would not show, for the darkness must not contact the light... you retreated into your mental space only partially to keep up the gagging and noises... 

Artemis was now in a similar but not state of shock over what she was feeling from you, she knew you had retreated to your safe space... 

Artemis: “omg we dont have alot of time, YN is growing weak... if they impregnate her they will... wait a moment thats it... as soon as you have eyes on YN you need to mind meld with her, your powers are linked, it will allow you to meet her and to mentally fuck her.”

Dean: “im sorry what... mentally fuck her... what the fuck does that mean?”

Artemis: “ill explain before i send you in... lets go...”

Dean stood up in time to be transported with Ares and Artemis just outside of a warehouse district.

Dean: “explain please...”

Ares: “basically long story short you and YN can fuck in your shared mental space and what ever transpires in there climax wise will transpire in reality. meaning if you cum inside her in your shared mind, it will cancel any dark energy they would be putting into her in reality.”

Dean: “and all i have to do is connect to YN...”

Artemis: “yes she is in her mental space now... but the guys are close to releasing into her... you have about an hour at best before they release... once in the mental scape time will speed up... so make sure you stay out of sight till yours and YN’s roles are done in the mental space... Ares and I will wait here for you to call our names and we will pull you both out.”

Dean stared at the building behind him searching it with his powers trying to get a lock on you... finally after a few moments Dean was no longer in front of Ares and Artemis but instead was high in the rafters of one of the buildings in the district... 

he looked down and saw you, his father and his brother. he got into a position where he was sure that he wasnt gonna fall or anything and while keeping you in sight. he channeled his inner powers and went deep into a state of mind where hopefully he would find you...

entering the joining point he saw something in the distance that he could only assume had to be you. Dean then figured he had better look the part of “not here to hurt you” or anything look peaceful while still hot and sexy... 

indeed the form he had seen was you, sitting on the ground with your knees tight to your chest, knowing that you were at this point helpless to stop what was happening outside... thats when your powers sparked, making you turn around...

YN: “who are you?”

Dean: “im Dean Winchester... yes in unfortunate relation to the ones who are currently giving you your current predicament. but at the same time im the good one. i threw away my darkness a long time ago.. i never looked back. im the other chosen by the Gods of Olympus with Ares as my guide. our patrons wait outside this building for us... but we have to do something first to counteract whats happening outside.”

YN: “what do we have to do? what can we do we are in here they are out there defiling my body... they stole my innocence... they took the thing that kept me from loosing my sanity...”

Dean: “Artemis said that what we do in here in the form of sex, the only thing that will stay as a permenant to your outside form is the climax that i unload into you in here... that will stop them from releasing their darkness inside of you and breaking the first seal of the apocalypse.”

YN: “Dean i trust you to get us out of this mess safely and when we get back to our physical forms i shall like to explore more of what we can be together slowly.”

Dean helps you stand his clothes falling off of him, his arms lift you high softly and gently placing you on his cock. being thrust by Dean made you feel different, like it was meant to be, like this was destined.

Ares: “did they just.?.”

Artemis: “its happening... lets be ready to pull them out... there is only 10 minutes left out here but to them it will feel like mere hours.”

Ares: “lets hope the speed of the Gods makes their work alot faster.”

Artemis: “i hope your right brother.”

Dean was speeding up alot faster than normal, he then remembered about his powers. they were still kicking in, well he now had the speed of Hermes and man was he putting it to good use. 

Dean (out of breath): “squirt for me baby! i can tell your almost there... by my time count so am i and so are they... squirt for me baby... Ares, Artemis be ready to pull us out with clothes on, we are almost there...”

you were now in a half mental and half physical state so John and Sam could hear the earth shattering orgasmic scream you let out the second you climaxed, Dean, John and Sam also climaxed... you spat out the seman right back at Sam and vomited immediately. 

your magic was working to expell the darkness from your body... Dean was also back in his own body... for he then smiled lightly...

Dean: “Ares great God of War, Artemis Goddess of the Hunt pull our asses out. and someplace far way.”

within seconds you and dean were whisked away but Ares decided to teach John and Sam a lesson so he used his power to make them ready to cum again but placed them on the bed where John was about to unload into Sam’s ass and Sam all over John... 

Ares stayed to leave a creepy voice over.

Ares (thundering voice from above): “if either of you morons ever think about contacting that girl or your other family member again i will personally deliever you both to the firey gates of tartarus myself for the dark tretchery you have caused.”

you and Dean suddenly found yourselves in a room, one unlike that of which either of you had ever seen. there was a knock on the wall making both of you look up.

Artemis: “welcome to Olympus... i’m sure you both have lots of questions. let me be the first to say congratulations. but that is news for after a few words from Zeus...”

both you and Dean got down and Bowed before the king of the Gods. looking up at Zeus who smiled and gestured for both you and Dean to rise.

Zeus: “YN & Dean, i am delighted to meet those chosen by Artemis and Ares. i hope you will find this quarters to your liking. dont worry Artemis and Ares will go in a while to collect your possessions from earth. when you both are up to it i would like to discuss a few terms and oaths with you both. but right now with what you both have been through you both need to rest. Artemis and Ares wont be far, the grounds are extensive but are free to roam. no boundaries or secrets. i also recommend the hot spring it has healing properties. for now rest. we are delighted to have you both up on Olympus with us. please dont hesitate to ask questions, welcome to the family.”

with those words Zeus was gone. Artemis stuck robes and towels and things like that in the wardrobe.

Artemis: “dont worry YN when your better we will go buy many of the necessities for you from the best shops this side of greece. but i agree with father as much as it pains me too, you both need to rest. everything else can be put on hold for as long as you need to feel normal again.”

you both bow slightly as she leaves and a tinted glass door closes behind her and a couple of curtains fall over the door and the windows. this left you and Dean completely alone.

Dean: “are you okay?”

YN: “no.”

Dean: “do you feel like talking about it?”

YN: “not really..”

Dean: “lay with me on the bed we dont have to do anything but at least let me hold you.”

you nod as you feel the tears return to your eyes. flowing freely, yours and deans once clothed forms now lay bare covered by one single silk sheet, now cuddled together to rest from the events that took place that one awful fated day.