#i didnt do it perfectly but i am proud of myself anyway

[floatingwithlaura]

i ate some pretty yummy food today wtf.

[muffinsin]

Well, my friend groups been mean to me as of late. They have been making fun of my appearance which is fair enough i’m not the prettiest person, loudly in public- people i dont even know have been laughing at their jokes. Ik i’m just being sensitive n its just a joke so i asked them to stop joking about it in public which led to them doing it more often as its funny when i go bright red. Theyve been saying to me that autism isnt even a thing n i’m just seeking attention, some of them anyway, the others like to do things that trigger me occasionally.

Anyway i started to stop hanging out with them the past few days slowly which started a chain of arguments. I told them i didnt want to be friends with people who have been using me for a but of a joke, they then said that we were never friends in the first place- i never got the hint and whenever they got bored theyd try n get reactions out of me bc it was hilarious to them- had another gc with everyone in it but me. Never invited out either. Called me delusional too, quite the shocker who would have thought, n proclaimed in public about my attachment to the dimitrescu sisters. I got called alot of names. Trigger warning- they told me to go slit my wrists n follow through with it.

So I’m currently thinking about the dimitrescu sisters to distract myself. Cassandra mostly- i speak to the posters i have of them n cuddle up against them which kind of helps ig. Like i said I’m delusional 😅

Ik this is just childish n i need to get a grip but i’m on the verge of having a bit of a breakdown.

-deluded anon

(TW, mention of bullying, harassment)

First of all, hon; your feelings are entirely valid.

And with (really no-) respect (-at all), fuck these people. They’re awful humans for treating you this way, especially so after disguising themselves as friends.

Regarding the things mentioned in the first paragraph. “Pretty” is immeasurable. Perception varies from each person. Just take a piece of art for an example. Surely not everybody is going to come to an agreement over a piece. Some might say it’s divine. Others have a different opinion on it. Try remembering that it’s not about being “the prettiest person”, because there is no such thing. Another example could be made of the Dimitrescu sisters, if that helps. Some argue Bela is the prettiest. Others argue Daniela is, and others argue Cassandra is. There is no right or wrong. Claiming “you aren’t the prettiest person” is simply one viewpoint🙌 aside from all this, it is absolutely wrong for people to target you because of your appearance, no matter what.

The next point is being “sensitive”. When you dislike something, especially someone’s joke, you are not being sensitive. Being made fun of is not pleasant nor right, and getting upset over it is perfectly valid.

I am proud to hear you’re trying to distance yourself from these so called “friends”. Despite not knowing them, they seem like a horrible and disrespectful bunch. Regarding being called “delusional”. I don’t necessarily see it as a bad thing at all. Can it lead to bad situations? Sometimes. But the word itself is not an insult to me. It’s a character trait, hon, and it should not be used as an insult. I for one describe Daniela as very delusional on a regular basis, and still love and support that fictional woman with all my heart. Delusional is but a trait, but it doesn’t define a person.

Saying such things and treating you this way is horrible, I’m so sorry that happened to you hunny.

It’s great you’re able to find comfort like that! It’s very admirable in my eyes. Again, “delusional” isn’t necessarily bad. I have friends that talk to stuffed animals. I have friends who cuddle up to them and act as though they are Alcina. I have friends crying and talking as though Alcina or one of the sisters is there with them. If it comforts you, that’s what matters, hon🙌

And lastly, it is not childish at all. I do hope you will be able to rid yourself of such horrible people, and find loving and respectful friends! :)

[cottagecore]

hi i have a master's in ecological preservation practices in precolonial america and an assisting bachelor's of native American history with a double minor in ecology and prehistorical farming practices. I am also a proud Na'rutan. i do not approve of the way people are choosing to attack you and i am instead choosing to inform you. generally, taking one or two or three rocks from a location is not very harmful as long as they are not placed back outside in a different location. taking a large bag filled with rocks however, can be extremely detrimental to the hyperlocal ecosystem you took them from. doing this effects the ecosystem by removing homes for animals and insects, it also effects the rivers natural flow and you can unknowingly disturb things like fish egg sacs and other developing animals. it can also remove vital nutrients from the land as rocks provide much nutrients to the earth and water that they naturally resided in. it can also cause negative effects on the area the rocks were newly introduced to, this is null if you plan on exclusively keeping them in your house, but this means if you want to put them in your garden for instance, you could cause an outbreak of a new illness among the earth and those living in it. in general, taking large amounts of rocks from anywhere besides say, a parking lot, is pretty damaging on all ends and i wouldn't recommend it. that being said, i am a rock collector, i just am very selective with where and how many rocks i remove from a natural environment.

thank you for taking the time to send this and put informed thought into it. i do understand the repercussions, but this is all based on a tumblr post i made in passing without very much thought or effort while in a very good mood, i was being hyperbolic bc i was so excited. it wasnt a large bag and i really didnt take that many, just some big ones and some small ones, which when put into one bag was heavy compared to my tote bag that was carrying a paperback book and two small journals and my purse with barely anything of substance in it. thats why i keep saying these anons are basing their arguments in assumptions bc they frankly do not know the half of it! im planning on keeping them inside, im aware that putting stuff from one environment into another can fuck up both and it wasnt something i was considering. i didnt take most of the rocks i took from the actual water but from the sand and the dirt leading to/from the parking lot and i did feel bad about possibly evicting bugs n stuff and thats one of the reasons i picked up so much trash (also its just the right thing to do, even tho the better thing would be for others to just not litter) i literally do not think at all though that i should have to defend myself this hard or at all when the ppl arguing against me absolutely do not have the facts on what i did and are literally always looking for something to be mad at and stumbled upon me and my loosey goosey tumblr post that was not in fact a historical documentation of the event but a gesture of something i did that wasnt supposed to mean anything and was just supposed to be a quick caption for some pictures i took outside. it was just a post i made bc i had a good day for once and did smth meaningful to me. you guys are not entitled to how or why or rlly what was meaningful or anything for that matter. i shouldnt have to share every detail for you guys to not take smth in bad faith or to make you understand that while yes i did something that wasnt the best for the environment that sometimes being a human with feelings means you do that kind of stuff anyways. it isnt this big of a deal AT ALL and im tired of thinking about it. im not saying its okay to fuck over the planet when youre in the mood for it either im just saying i didnt fuck over the planet and im just a person and i dont strive to be perfectly good and sometimes i will do things that arent morally golden shining and pure and not feel that bad about it simply bc DUH! when im saying yall its not necessarily about u anon bc i do respect where ur coming from and that you said what you had to say like this but literally this isnt the end of the world i prommy

[perhapsthanatos]

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[tickle-bugs]

hello i am sleeby and oversharing. i had a massage the other day and i believe y’all about the tickly massage trope now, holy shit

okay so like the parts on my back were life-changing. the masseuse cracked me like a mf glow stick. She aligned things I didn’t know I needed aligned. She put the fear of god into my bones and I have never been happier and less tense. 

There was a teensy weensy problem, though....She would run her hand over a spot gently for a little while before she dug in and i was literally face down on this table biting my lip and trying to stay completely still. My legs are really fucking ticklish and she would just spend what felt like YEARS there. and then she dug in but that first press was the worst it TICKLED god it was so bad...once she got going it was fine but it was literally like. twenty seconds of feather-light touches on a rly sensitive spot and then a somehow perfectly aligned strike to my nerves that lit me up like a goddamn christmas tree. proud to announce i didnt move or laugh once but i am also proud to announce that i am actually braver and stronger than any us marine <3

y’all....when she did my feet.....i actually thought i was gonna die. or kick her, then die from embarrassment of kicking her. with other spots it’d be like “oh shit, this tickles” and then she’d settle into a nice rhythm and i’d relax, right? she pressed her thumbs and knuckles into my foot and that is ILLEGAL it SHOULDNT TICKLE thats like!!! the actual massage part wtf!!!!! but i was on this table with so many giggles building in my chest it was so BAD. no part of it was normal literally like. she massaged my toes and i think i blacked out actually. that nearly broke me, actually, because i remember just like bargaining with myself like. i dont wanna tell her it tickles and risk she does it harder and hurts me but also this tickles So bad. idk how i stayed still (actually yes i do, martial arts discipline come thru) but i cannot begin to convey to you how much it tickled. god. i completely stopped breathing at one point and she was like “breathe, miss!” and i was like “mhm, yes. lungs. right.” also my ANKLES are ticklish?? who the fuck signed off on that being a thing????? 

anyways the massage was literally heavenly and that masseuse aligned my soul within me and i am forever grateful to her. even though it tickled like hell. thanks love i miss you and your magic hands already <3

[smileyparkersmiley]

jealousy looks good on you, t.h

a/n: Hey guys and thank you so much for the support on the last post, I’m glad you seemed to enjoy it. I have wanted to write a jealous Tom fic for a while and I hope you all enjoy this one as well. Remember my requests are open if there is anything specific you want me to write about for either Tom or Peter I would love to give it a go!

words: 1.9k

genre: jealous tom and fluff throughout

I like to think of myself as a simple woman, I like to say that I don't need a lot of things to make me happy, and right now all I needed was my boyfriend, some salty popcorn and a Netflix film. But tonight thats not on the agenda as its Toms mums birthday, she was turning 51 and Dom was throwing her a little surprise party, and when I say little I mean not so little. Tom managed to fly over from LA as there was a gap in his schedule in-between his press tours for Onward so he's able to surprise his mum on her birthday. He's here for the whole week and I’m happy to have him home as it’s been about a month since I've last seen him, and the withdrawal symptoms were kicking in.

As much as I adore Toms mum Nicki, I couldn't help but feel selfish and want to keep Tom all to myself for the night considering his flight only landed this afternoon and I only got a few hours alone with him before I will have to share him with countless strangers. Tom as well being extremely tired from his flight just wanted to sleep and cuddle up on the sofa which is what our afternoon consisted of until I dragged him upstairs to have a shower and freshen up for the main event.

‘Come on love go and freshen yourself up I don't think your mum would appreciate you stinking up her house after being on a 10 hour flight’ I tease, whilst tugging on his hand to get his body up the stairs to get ready, the last thing we need is to be late.

He pulls his bodyweight up and is standing directly in front of me now with a gentle grip on both of my hands

‘If it means everyone has to leave and its just me and you then I might just take that risk and skip the shower all together’ He smirks, I slap his arm gently scolding him

‘You’re so cheesy, now get your arse up the stars’

Toms shower was running and I could hear him singing away to a song I couldn't quite figure out because he doesn't like people hearing him sing, thats why he sings in the shower he thinks his voice goes unheard, however, though its muffled its still enough to cause a smile to creep onto my lips as a think about how much I’ve missed hearing him around the flat these past few weeks and how grateful I am that he's home.

The shower switches off and I pick up my outfit and a couple pieces of jewellery that I’ve chosen to compliment the look into mine and Toms shared bathroom, he's out of the shower I’m sure he won't mind me coming in to get showered, it's not like I haven't seen anything before.

I’ve had my shower and gotten dressed I haven't seen Tom dressed and I’m not too sure what he's planning on wearing, I was half way through my makeup when the bathroom door opens suddenly.

‘Oh wow, it feels like every time I lay my eyes on you you get more and more beautiful’

Toms eyes were wide and were sweetly scanning my body up and down in admiration taking his time to cherish every part of my body. My cheeks immediately flushed and I got nervous, no matter how long me and Tom have been together I will never get used to his compliments and the way he looks at me. He could sense my vulnerability in this moment and came over and pressed a kiss to my cheek, which only increased the blood flow to my cheeks even more. I looked at him in the mirror and it was my turn to admire. He was wearing black well fitted jeans with a white shirt and was holding a leather jacket in his arms which I'm assuming he's come to ask for my opinion on wearing it. He's so close I can smell his cologne, a scent I didnt realise I missed so much until it was taken away from me, his arms and chest fit well in his shirt which he has grown into slightly and his short hair was perfectly gelled and I was finding it hard to resist the urge to run my hands through it.

Tom noticed I was staring and his cheeks were now matching with mine, he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder and watches me in the mirror, I lean into his touch.

‘Can I help you?’ I ask as he continues to just look at me with interest despite me doing anything interesting in the slightest.

‘Carry on doing your makeup I love watching you, its just so interesting to me’

I don't completely understand his thought processes but I nod and carry on as I was making him smile whilst watching me blend my neutral eyeshadow. He watches me blend that eye and removes me from his hold and goes to leave the bathroom, I stop him just before as I take a light grip on his hand, he looks at his hand then up at me

‘I forgot to say, thank you and you too look very beautiful tonight’ I tell him and see his eyes light up at my compliment.

‘Thank you darling’ and with that he places a light peck on my lips leaving me to continue getting ready, with enough adrenaline coursing through my blood to keep me on a high for the whole evening.

We arrive at the party, there were lots of people here scratch 50 people there were at least 70 easily, the Hollands knew a lot of people. Me and Tom went and said hello to his brothers, his dad and Harrison and we did the rounds of ‘how are you?’ and ‘I saw your latest film it was amazing’ a lot of the conversation just involved polite smiles and nods from me and Tom talking about his adventures on movie sets and film premieres.

Toms mum arrived, and was indeed very surprised and when her eyes landed on Tom the poor woman burst into tears as she scooped her eldest son up in a large hug as she was glad that he was able to get away from work to celebrate with her.

Me and Tom had a lovely conversation with her as she told us that she had a normal day at work and that Dominic said that he was going to take her out for dinner just them two because no one else was able to make it.

‘Its so lovely to see you too y/n, how have you been what have you been getting up to then?’

The conversation continued for a while until she was eventually pulled away by many of her friends who wanted to speak to her so me and Tom moved on.

Tom was having a conversation with a couple who I believed were friends of him mums when I noticed his glass was empty and was probably in need of another drink

‘Tom I’ll go and grab us another drink, I’ll be back in a moment’ Tom says thanks and hands me his glass with one hand and removes his grip from around my waist with the other.

I meander through the large groups of people to get to the bar where I order me and Tom new drinks, when this man who was in his early 20s approached me and sparked up a conversation. I was a bit taken aback at first but he seemed really nice and interesting. I love Toms work and I am incredibly proud of everything he does however it is nice to have a conversation be focused on you and what you do and not just your famous boyfriends films.

He told me his name was Jake and that his mum was a good friend of Nicki's and works with her thats why he was here, we must have stood by the bar for a while without realising as I saw Tom approaching with a confused look spread across his face.

As soon as he reaches my side his arm attaches itself to my hip again and he introduces himself to Jake.

‘Hi, I don't think that we have met before, I’m Tom y/ns girlfriend’ He holds out a hand to shake Jakes

‘Oh hey man I’m Jake’ Jake shakes Toms hand and looks down at his drink awkwardly as he doesn't know how to play his next moves. Tom turns himself now to look down at me

‘y/n, Harrison wants to come and have a catch up’ He then turns himself towards Jake

‘Do you mind if we just’ He gestures to somewhere behind him not bothering to see if Harrison is actually over there

I could sense the tension that Tom was creating, I know jealousy when I see it and especially if its on Tom, he wears his heart on his sleeve and you can read his emotions like a book, and I couldn't decide whether this look suited him or not.

‘No go ahead of course, I think my mum wants me to go over to her as well anyway so’ He awkwardly picks up his jacket from the stool he was sitting on and his drink

‘It was really nice talking to you y/n’ His eyes flash quickly at Tom and then to me but they don't linger for too long, he turns and walks away with no hesitation. That situation escalated quickly and Toms jealous side has emerged and theres no doubt that its going away too quickly.

‘So what did Harrison want to talk to us about?’ I play dumb knowing full well that Harrison didnt want to talk to us about anything, in fact we already spent an hour talking to him when we got here.

‘Oh yeah Harrison’ He says but he isn't looking at me he's looking straight ahead, his jaw is tightening and his brows are frowned, I’ve decided jealousy does look good on him, very good indeed.

‘Lets not stay for too much longer its getting late and I’m really tired’ He says turning to me softening slightly when he catches my eyes.

“yeah that sounds good to me, and Tom?’ I start to look forward to the prospect of cuddling Tom tonight, something I missed from the second he left, my body now craves to be intertwined with his at the thought of it.

‘Yeah?’ His brows now raised

‘You do know There was no flirting going on between me and Jake earlier we were literally just talking right?’ Tom doesn't look convinced however.

‘y/n he was clearly flirting with you, I saw the way he was looking at you and how he was touching his hair trying to make you swoon’ Toms eyes immediately went darker almost as something inside of him switched, he used his arms as he spoke because he was getting frustrated and his hair was starting to become floppy as a result of the gel loosing its touch. In short he was making it very difficult not to pounce on him there and then.

I grabbed on the the collar of his shirt to pull him closer to me, I whisper sensually in his ear.

‘Jealously looks good on you Tom, now take me home so I can do something about it’

[arthurflecksgirl]

Arthur answering the door/ His POV

My version of the scene when Sophie rings Arthurs doorbell. His point of view.

I lie on the couch, freezing. We dont have enough money to turn the radiator on every day and the only blankets I`ve got are two very thin ones which dont spent very much comfort at night. So yeah, some nights are awefully cold in here and I wish there was someone under the blankets with me, sharing the warmth of our bodies It wouldnt get so cold with someone in my arms. Especially at heart.

I touch the silky fabric of the pajama pants I`m wearing. My left hand is stroking up and down my thigh. Actually its my mothers pants but she doesnt wear them anymore and they`re comfortable. And they fit perfectly since I lost even more weight the past year. I try to forget about that its my own hand on my thighs.I imagin it to be Sophies, wishing she would be here right now. She could take the loneliness away and tell me something nice. Maybe something about my jokes or how good it is to see me. Every nice word would warm up my heart, really. Anything to show me that she wants to get to know me better. Or even find me attractive.

I tried to flirt with her before and I think he got it. Her gestrure in the elevator? I mean its very subtile but thats the mysterie f it all, right? It  was her way to tell me that she likes my kind of humor. So I may stand a chance with her after all. Humor is important. If you dont get someones humor, you can hardly be in a relationship with that person. Imagin you`re telling a joke and your girlfriend  just looks at you with this face expression that makes it clear that even after the second time she wouldnt get it. .That would be a huge turn off for me. I need my girlfriend to think I`m funny because I want to make her happy with my jokes and I want to be the reason she smiles in the morning. So after a long, sleepless night of working on  jokes I would wake her with a soft kiss upon the forehead, asking her to listen to my latest ones and she would laugh until her belly aches and kiss me on the lips, telling me how funny I am.

The doorbell rings.

In the middle of the night.

Who would ring my doorbell in the middle of the night? No one even rings it at daytime. I get up from the couch and walk to the door. Mum is still asleep so I guess she havent heard it. Which is weird, she has a light sleep and she usually wakes up from the slightest noise I`m making. Did I put some sleeping pills in her food? I dont remember.

I wonder who it could be. I didnt had one of my laughing fits or anything like that so it cant be a neighbor complaining about it. Or did I had one and I don`t remember it? Why does my mind feel so blurry out of the sudden? Like I`m not certain of anything.

Another thought comes to my mind...what if its....

I open the door.

Sophie! It really is her!

I can`t deny I`m still kinda confused about this. I hope I didnt disturb her in any way. I hope she wil not complain about how I followed her today. Did she notice? I thought I was good at hiding. Maybe not good enough.

"Oh...! Hey...." I say and my voice doesnt sound like I hope it would at all. You can hear my confusion and god, I hope it doesnt show in my face,too.

She looks beautiful as usual, dressed so nicely with her hair done and jewelry around her neck. She must have been out tonight. I wonder where she was. I totally forget that I just opened the door with my mothers pajama pants on and my greasy hair.

"Hey!" she says "Were you following me today?"  So straight forward, Sophie. I like that. But I gotta admit you`re making me a bit insecure about how to react here.

"Yeah?" I reply. Not sure what she would say next. I hope I didnt leave the wrong impression.

"I thought that was you." 

Okay, okay. So she wasnt sure . She didnt saw me but she felt me. Thats interesting. Maybe she wished it was me when she felt like someone followed her. Like "I feel someones eyes on me. I wish it was that cute neighbor that lives down the hall." Something like that. I see I might really have a chance with her. Maybe I should ask her out on a date.

"I was hoping you`d come in and rob the place" she adds.

I feel myself smiling. The way I often try to but it seldom works.  She really said that, didnt she? Sophie is even more adorable that I thought she was. If thats her kind of humor we will match perfectly. I mean, come on this joke could have been one of mine!

Its almost like I just played this conversation out in my head. Its too perfect to be true. But hey, even I have to get lucky sometimes. i hope I`m not wrong here.

Better say something smart now.

"I have a gun" I`m pointing over my shoulder. Its there somewhere on my table. "...I could come by tomorror".

That was a good one. I`m proud of myself. Waiting for her reaction.

Sophie chuckles. her eyes are lightening up in the prettiest way. I`m so in love with her. She looks at me like no one else ever did before. Maybe she is the one who understands me. Sharing the same humor is a great start.

"You`re so funny, Arthur!" she smiles.

There, she said it.

She thinks I`m funny. This means so much to me but I try not to let it show. I dont want it to be obvious that I never had a girlfriend before. Not now. I will tell her at a later point. On a date when the moment feels right.

"Yeah..." I breathe, a bit overwhelmed by being so lucky tonight. I look down, feeling like I`m about to blush. Pretty girls make me nervous. C`mon Arthur. Show her that you`re a cool guy. Tell her about your career.

"You know. I do stand up comedy" I look her in the eyes "You should maybe come see a show sometime."

Sophie doesnt even thiink twice "I could do that".

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You let me know when?"

She really wants to see me perform.  For a second there is this doubt in my mind. I tend to dream a lot. Not just dreams but....nevermind. I dont wanna give this a second thought ight now. Sophie was ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night, telling me all these things and thats what counts. I won`t let my mind play tricks on me, trying to convince me this isnt real. My mind played tricks on me before.

"Yeah" I add, feeling confident about the fact that I just asked her out on a date.

Sophie turns around  to get into her apartment. I watch her walking down the hallway. Checking once more on how beautiful she is, before I close my door and walk into the kitchen to make myself a coffee. There won`t be any chance to sleep tonight anyway.

@impulsiveclown @will-you-be-there @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @gwynplaine89 @ajokeformur-ray@damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle  @duhliriouss  @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes  @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie  @check-out-this-joker @darknessisafriend  @arthurhappyclown    @neon-umbrella-for-stella   @call-me-harley-quinn  @arthurjokersgirl @jaraysha1121

@aarthurfleckk @mylovelycrazyworld @clownalog @ajokerfangirl  @the-one-who-is-chaos @sabrinaeileensnape

[arlakos]

You said you were looking for ML writing prompts? How do you feel about writing something short for Kagaminette (Marinette/Kagami ship)? If you’re so inclined, anything will do, but for a more specific prompt what about an alternate meeting between the two of them. Please and thank you if you decide to write this prompt.

“Well, this is certainly an interesting request, and a non-salt one as well! I do admit that I did have an idea for a fanfic involving a Kagaminette moment (that would expand into a rather comedic story involving multiple ships), but I like the challenge of creating an alternate meeting (as it restricts my writing out of my comfort zone. With that being said, lets take this story back to where it all began, with a couple of bumps in the plot…”

Marinette grumbled to herself as she walked down to the school, feeling bummed out today. Thanks to a rather untimely order at the bakery taking so long, she was unable to join the enrollment class for  D'Argencourt fencing school, which just so happened to be the one Adrien was doing fencing at! Sure, she wasn’t entirely there for the actual fencing (If anything she was hopefully just there to see Adrien perform and actually get the chance to be with him for a while), but the point still stands that she missed out! Talk about a bummer…

Still, she refused to let a bad moment bring her down! Despite being wayyyyy to late to join the classes, Marinette went to the College Dupont where the fencing classes were, carrying a bag of freshly baked goods. Aside from Adrien, some of her other classmates were also doing their post-school activities, so she figured she would make a quick stop and give them a couple of snacks. She had a pain au Chocolate for Alya, and apple danish for Nino, and a bunch of other treats for her classmates!

Of course, she left aside a perfectly baked croissant just for Adrien…

Of course, as she was imagining Adriens look of happiness getting a croissant, she ended up colliding into someone.

The bag slipped from her hands and onto the floor, but miraculously none of the treats fell out or got bruised. The same couldnt be said for Marinette as she fell onto her butt, groaning at the mild, yet aggravating pain.

“Oh, I’m sorry about that. Here, let me help you up.”

A hand was raised out in front of Marinettes face, the latter graciously taking the hand as she was pulled to her feet.

“Oof! Its fine, its not the first time this has happened to me. Most of the time it…usually…my fault…”

Marinette finally got a good look at the person she collided with.

At a first glance, Marinette thought she was looking into a mirror, given that the girl in front of her also had the same shade of blue hair. However, that was where the similarities ended. The girl’s face had much more of an Asian look compared to Marinette, and her eyes were brown compared to Marinette’s own. The girl also had a much serious look on her face.

Her serious look however, did nothing to impact her beauty. From the way she held herself in a prideful stance to her perfectly styled hair to the way her eyes pierced Marinette’s soul, the latter found herself gobsmacked by the girl in front of her. Marinette could tell that this girl was proud of herself, but in a good kind. Like the kind who knew she was best and owned up to it with her actions alone.

Despite not even knowing her, Marinette found herself developing a small amount of jealousy for the girl in front of her. Although she didn’t know her, Marinette could tell at a glance was clearly someone who was confident no matter where she is and when. Marinette hoped for a small tibit that she never met Adrien. If she ever wanted to ask him out, she could probably do it in a heartbeat.

“…Miss? Miss!”

“Huh? Wha-?” Marinette said as she was brought out of her stupor.

“Miss, are you alright? Here’s your bag by the way.”

“Oh! Uh, im fine!” Marinette said as she gratefully took back the bag, glad that her bakery sweets were all intact

“That’s good. I was afraid I might have offended you. I’m quite new to the area, so I wasn’t sure where to go.” The girl said without ever changing her expression. She hummed for a moment, then looked at Marinette again, making the latter’s heart almost stop at the intensity. “Say, are you a student in this area?”

“Yeah, sure. Why?”

“I got lost looking for the Fencing school in the area. I was hoping to find it.”

It was then Marinette noticed the fencing sword that was being carried in a duffel bag. ‘So she’s a fencer too?’ Marinette thought to herself.

“Sorry If I am inconveniencing you. Normally I would catch a ride with the family butler, but he was unfortunately sick today. Fortunately I didn’t live that far as, so I thought I’d try to walk. Unfortunately, I have found myself confused by the structure of the roads and streets.”

‘Butler? So she’s a rich person huh? Just like Chloe….’ Marinette thought, the last bit making her want to grimace. ‘And its obvious that she wants my help…’

For a second Marinette was just tempted to just brush off the girl’s obvious ask for help, as there was a good possibility she could be a pompous brat just like Chloe. The thought however reminded herself that the last time she tried that, she blamed Adrien for Chloe putting gum on her seat, and she berated herself for thinking like that. She should give her a chance, especially after the girl took her time helping her up a minute ago.

“If you need some help getting to the school, I’d be glad to help!” Marinette said smiling. “The fencing school is at the same place as my normal school. I need to go there anyways to see some friends, so i’d be glad to take you there.”

The girl looked at Marinette in shock, as though she never thought the latter would go out of her way to help her. When she recovered though, a small smile covered her face.

“Thank you”

Marinette motioned for the girl to follow her, she realized she forgot something.

“Hey sorry, what’s your name by the way.”

“It’s Kagami Tsurugi”

“Alright then Kagami, follow me!”

———————————————————————————————————–

Marinette continued to walk to the school area, with the new girl (now known as Kagami) following her, without saying a single word.

So naturally, Marinette tried to break the ice. “So…. you are new to Paris or just this part of the area?” she asked.

“New in Paris. I have been to other places in France though. It’s how I was able to learn French” Kagami replied

“Makes sense.” Marinette said “So from what i can tell, you don’t go to Dupont, I assume you go to the other lycee nearby?”

“Oh, i dont go to school”

“What?”

“I’m homeschooled. My family doesn’t like me talking with other people, unless they approve.”

“…Oh.”

There was a pause of silence.

“You know…” Marinette paused, questioning whether she should say it, “You remind me of my friend Adrien. He was homeschooled as well.”

“Really?”

Okay, Marinette really didn’t want to continue, but based on the expected look of Kagami, she couldn’t turn back now. “Yeah. He apparently was homeschooled his whole life, and didn’t have anyone to be friends with aside from Chloe, who isnt … exactly a rather nice person.”

“Hmm, it sounds like you don’t like this Chloe very much. Is Adrien like that as well?”

Marinette gasped, “Oh, Nononono. He is anything but that, he’s been so kind to everyone ever since he got here!” Marinette said smiling. “He’d do anything for his friends, and even strangers, even if they dont deserve it. It was how Adrien and I met unfortunately. Chloe put some gum on my seat and Adrien tried to take it off. Unfortunately i saw him, and because he didn’t say it was Chloe I thought it was him.” Marinette said “Yeah… we didn’t start off on the right foot, but we got better afterwards. He’s such a sweetheart.” Marinette finished smiling

“Sweetheart?”

“Yeah! He’s so nice to everyone and kind and charming…” Marinette said half-effortly as she fell into a brieF daydream. Oh she wished she could be in his arms right now!

Kagami looked at Marinette, who just notice the formers presence, and awkwardly returned to her normalcy. “Oh sorry, I don’t usually do that-”

“You love him, don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“You love this boy, Adrien, right?”

“W-Well uh…N-no of course not-”

“You really don’t have to pretend that you don’t. Does he make you…happy?”

Marinette was a bit confused by the question but replied notheless.

“Well… yes, he really makes me happy.”

Kagami frowned for a moment. As Marinette looked into her eyes, she appeared sad. 

“Oh no! I’m so sorry! I didnt realize what was going on?!”

“Huh… you do?”

“Yes! I didnt realize that you hadn’t found someone to love as well, and i just ended up bragging about it in front of you! I swear i didnt mean to do that i was just talking about someone that you were similar to and i got off track imsosorrypleaseforgiveme-” Marinette said rushingly.

Kagami stood there a bit shocked. “Huh? Oh no that wasn’t the-”

Kagami didnt get a chance to finish as she felt two slender arms wrap around her. Kagami’s breath started to hitch as she felt Marinette’s body close to her own, with the latter’s head on her shoulders. Kagami realized she was in a hug, but was too shocked to do anything about it

The stood like this for a few seconds before both realized what was going on. Marinette removed herself from Kagami as the latter stood there with a blush on her face.

“I-I shouldn’t have done that. I was just trying to comfort you, but then I realized that we had just met and all-”

‘It’s fine.”

“R-Really”

“Yes. It was just…unexpected.”

“Unexpected. Don’t your family or friends give you hugs.”

“I-I dont have any friends. And my family is not as liberal with giving hugs as you are.”

Marinette gasped slightly.

Kagami smiled sadly “It’s fine… I am used to the lack of-”

Kagami was again, lost for words as Marinette hugged her for a second time. When Marientte finally pulled back, she had a confident smile on her face.

“Well It’s about to change now. I can be your friend!”

“You want to be my friend?”

“Of course. I know that you are homeschooled and all, but we can both be friends. And maybe you can meet my other friends as well. You’ll probably be able to since you are going to the fencing classes here, so once you finish you can hang out with us!”

“Hmm…” Kagami pondered in though, but Marinette could see that she had a small but genuine smile on her face. “Friends… That would actually be nice.”

Marinette smiled back “Great! I am sure people will love you there!”

As Marinette continued on to the school with Kagami following her, she was briefly worried for a second. Despite Kagami’s lack of social friendliness, Marinette still felt inferior around her, as the former carried herself with such elegance and grace that she herself lacked. What if she meets Adrien and decides that she likes him? What would Marinette do then?

Yet, despite her worries, as she looked back and saw Kagami give her a small smile, Marinette began to relax and smile

‘Kagami seems so lonely though… she seemed really happy at the idea of having new friends.’ Marinette though. ‘It wouldn’t be fair to me to deny her that just because of my own crush… I’ve got to help her, despite what might happen… besides…’

Marinette looked foward as she continued on ‘I think everything will be alright.’

————————————————————————————

As Marinette and Kagami came to the school, Kagami turned to Marinette.

“Thank you for helping me get here. I probably never would have found it without you.” Kagami said.

“Oh no problem. So I’m guessing you are here to enrol for training right?”

Kagami stopped, then grinned.

“I never said I was here for training.”

Kagami put on her Fencing mask and grabbed her sabre.

“I never mentioned this. My family comes from a long line of fencers. My family has won every tournament they have been to. Every challenge they faced, they overcame. My family bloodline flows through me, and my must prove myself worthy of that blood line.”

“Then why-” Marinette said, before Kagami cut her off.

“I’m here for a challenge. And I cannot lose. I must not lose. For the sake of my family honour and my respect.”

Kagami turned from the door and kicked it open, scaring Marinette. Kagami instantly starts to walk forward, causing Marinette to unconciously follow. Marinette watched as Kagami strode up to the fencing class, the people inside stunned by her entrance. Kagami looked at Mr  Armand D’argencourt.

“Hey, you! Are you Mr. D'Argencourt, the fencing master? I wanna join your team.”

Armand looks at her in suprise, and huffs in indignation. “Only the best are admitted here, you knave.”

Kagami however was quick to retort “And I was, everywhere I went.”

Marinette, looked at Kagami in slight awe. She knew from a first glance that she was confident, but this…

Armand however, would not take it lying down “Part le fer! This whippersnapper has nerve! All right! I may consider your admission, shall you defeat one of my students.” he says while flourishing his blade.

Kagami walks past Armand. “ Which one of you is the best combatant?!”

The crowd, nervous, shuffles a bit, before parting to reveal a boy. He lifts his helmet, and Marinette see’s her crush Adrien Agreste walking forward to challenge Kagami. Marinette felt a small blush at the sight of her crush, but also a tinge of worry.

Armand however, just grinned. “Adrien, please give our visitor a lesson in chivalry.”

Adrien smiled back. “I shall Master” he says as he lowers his helmet.

As the two get their equipment ready, Marinette’s worries started to increase for the sake of her two friends. It was clear for Kagami that she wanted to win so she could join the fencing team, but she was worried what would it mean for Adrien if he was to lose. 

As the two tested the equipment for detecting hits, the whole room was tense.

D’Argencourt look at the two combatants, then said “Prêt… allez!”

The two fencers lunged simulatneously, and both buzzers went off as the same time.

“Simultané! Par un toucher!” D’Argencourt declared as both went back to their starting positions

“I could have sworn Adrien touched her first…” Marinette commented to herself.

As Kagami and Adrien went back to their starting positions, D’Argencourt readied himself.

“En garde! Prêt… allez!” he declared again. Simulatneously both combatants moved at a speed faster than Marinette could see, and again both buzzers went off.

“Uhh… Abstention!” D’Argencourt said sheepishly

“Huh? Whats happening?” Marinette asked out loud.

A student to Marinette’s left chimed in. “Mr D'Argencourt isn’t sure who won, so he’s chosen to abstain. This is a tight bout.”

Both combatants readied themselves again.

“En Garde-”

“Wait”

D’Argencourt and Adrien looked at Kagami.

“I request that we do it the old-fashioned way. We’ll be much more at ease without the machine.” Kagami declares.

D’Argencourt looks at Adrien. “Adrien?” He questions.

Adrien grins, “Fine with me.” He says, as he unplugs the body cord.

Kagami does the same, and they both ready themselves.

Marinette looks at the student next to her “But how will we know who touched the other one first?”

“By watching very closely.” the student replies.

“En garde! Prêt… allez!”

Without the body cords holding them back, the two start going at it like crazy, both of them simultaneously attacking and defending within milliseconds of each sabre hit. The crowd started to go wild as all who stood there witnessed the unrestrained skill of the two proteges constantly lunging, blocking, dodging, and overall giving neither the breathing room.

“Woah…” Marinette said weakly “Is this what fencing’s all about?!”

“Part le fer! This IS what fencing’s all about!” D’Argencourt said excitedly as the rest of the crowd agree with him in cheers of excitement.

Soon after, the fight started to move up the stairs, causing the crowd to follow at the bottom of the stairs. Marinette, being blocked by the crowd, went to the other set of stairs and climbed up those, allowing her to follow the two fencers into the library.

Both fencers were starting to wear down from the intense speed, yet neither wanted to give up.

“Let’s finish this off.” Kagami declares as she readies another lunge. Adrien does the same.

Marinette watches as both fencers lunge, and both fencers foils press each other at the same time.

Kagami suddenly broke off. “Marinette! Who got the first hit?! Who?!” she said breathlessly as she looked at Marinette.

D’Argencourt suddenly appeared, crawling in pain. “Who touched first? Tell us now!”

Marinette looked flustered, everyone was looking at her. “I-I-I don’t know,” she said closing her eyes in stress.

Suddenly time for her seemed to go to a crawl for her. It was like whatever happened next rested on that decision she made.

Marinette closed her eyes, remembering what had happened. It seemed that both of them had hit at the same time, but Adrien’s foil did seem to bend a bit faster, meaning that he could have hit first, but Kagami seemed a bit faster on her feet. So who won?

Marinette didn’t consider herself lucky as a civilian but in that memory of hers, her Lucky vision seemed to flare up. It slowed the memory to a crawl, but then both foils lighted up in red and black spots at the exact same time they made hits on each other. So it seemed that both fencers had hit each other at the same time after all.

So the question was, who to give the point to.

Marinette knew that Adrien’s father was really strict with him. If she didn’t give him the point, his father could get mad. Adrien would get grounded and in deep trouble, or worse, take him out of school because he wasn’t being perfect with his study and practices! Then she would never see him again!

Kagami however….

My family comes from a long line of fencers. My family has won every tournament they have been to. Every challenge they faced, they overcame. My family bloodline flows through me, and my must prove myself worthy of that blood line.

- I cannot lose. I must not lose. For the sake of my family honour and my respect.

Kagami seemed to be in a similar predicament to Adrien, even more so than Adrien. Sure Adrien did fencing as a hobby, but Kagami’s family took fencing as something important to them, and Kagami herself. If she lost the match, then Kagami wouldn’t be able to join the team, and it would likely be in trouble with her family, if Adriens family was anything to say about rich families.

Marinette made her mind.

Time seemed to resume around her. “Kagami got the first hit.”

The crowd gasped. D’Argencourt was in shock. “Wha- Are you sure?”

Marinette nodded. “Kagami was able to get the first hit in. I saw it.”

Kagami relaxed, and Adrien lifted his helmet to give a smile to his competitor.

“Well, it seems you won that match.”

He reached out his hand, and both of them shook in mutual respect

“Sacre Bleu! It seems that It is a loss for the D’Argencourt Academy.” D’Argencourt said miserably. However, he quickly perked himself up. “However, it is not an entire loss, for today we have a new member in our ranks. The D’Argencourt fencing team would be happy to have you if you would accept.”

Kagami pulled off her helmet, causing some murmurs at the surprising beauty, but she didn’t let it faze her. “I would be happy too.”

Marinette smiled, happy that neither Adrien or Kagami seemed to be in any sort of trouble. Adrien seemed to take the loss with no issue, and Kagami got her wish. Marinette hoped to apologize to Adrien later, but as Kagami, Adrien, and D’argencourt walked off to finalize the former’s entry into the fencing team, she felt that she did the right thing…

Oh, darn, the baked goods!

Marinette quickly grabbed the bag and ran off to where her other friends were having their after school activities. She would give Adrien his croissant later, she had others to deliver to.

———————————————————————————————

Time passed… and Kagami was officially one of the new members on the fencing team alongside Adrien. Marinette managed to give Adrien his croissant after delivering all the other baked goods, which he graciously accepted with a smile. Marinette managed to meet Kagami outside of the school, who was waiting for the family car.

“Hi Kagami.”

“Hello Miss.” Kagami said. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah! I managed to deliver the bakery foods to my classmates. Congrats on making the team by the way!”

“Yes, it’s really good,” Kagami said. For a second, she looked a bit forlorn “I have to ask though, did I really win?”

“Huh?”

“Did I really win? Or did you do it because you felt pity for me?”

“Pity?-Nonono I was just trying to help you- No wait that came out wrong as well.”

“…I understand.”

“No you don’t understand. You didn’t lose, it’s just- Look, both of you hit each other at the same time.”

“W-What” Kagami said in shock.

“Y-Yeah, I saw it with my own eyes, both of you were so extremely skilled that you were both neck and neck, I saw both of you hit each other at the same time. I was just pressured to make a choice, so I chose you.”

“But why didn’t you say we both hit? We could have just started over”

“Because both of you would keep going for no reason at all! Both of you are amazing out there, and if i declared that you lost you would have never forgiven yourself for something you didn’t need to forgive!”

Marinette placed a hand on Kagami’s shoulder. “I chose you because I thought you deserved it, because you were really amazing out there and did not deserve one loss to affect your life and self-worth. Besides, now you’re in the team like you wanted, your family would be happy with you and Adrien is fine regardless, I’m sure he’ll be ok.”

“She’s right you know. I still wouldn’t mind a rematch though.”

Kagami gasped in shock and Marinette screamed as Adrien came up behind them with a slight grin on his face

“Sorry if I scared you both.” Adrien said sheepishly.” I just wanted to say congratulations on making the team. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Mr D’Argencourt about the tie, you really deserved to join the team with us, you were really an amazing fencer, miss…?”

“Kagami Tsurugi. And you must be Adrien Agreste.”

They both shook hands like after the fight. Marinette felt a slight twinge of jealousy for Kagami’s confidence but said nothing. She wouldn’t ruin Kagami’s celebration, not after everything.

“And you must have met my good friend Marinette.” Adrien said pointing to Marinette.

And that’s the moment where Adrien Marinette wanted to crawl under a rock. Adrien had called Marinette a friend. Just a friend. She really felt sad inside.

“Yes I did. She helped me get to the school when i got lost.” Kagami said.

“That’s Marinette for you. She really is so kind and helpful.” Adrien replied,

“Yes. She really is.” Kagami said as she gave a smile to Adrien.

Adrien’s car pulled up. “Sorry Kagami, Marinette, I gotta go home. Talk to you later.” Adrien said as he entered his family car.

As Adrien left, the two girls stared at eachother.

“Marinette huh? That is your name...”Kagami said, pondering the name on her lips.

It was at this point that Marinette realised in all the stuff she did today with Kagami, she had forgotten to give her name to her. She gave Kagami an awkward grin.

“Ehehe...sorry. I was just so-”

“It’s a cute name.”

That off hand comment stopped Marinette, causing her to blush.

At that moment, Kagami’s own car popped up. Walking towards the car together, Kagami turned to Marinette.

“Thank you for everything Marinette. It means a lot.”

“Oh uh, it was nothing!”

“Even so, thank you.”

Marinette stood in shock as Kagami moved in slowly and gave a slow gentle kiss on her cheek.

“U-Um, Kagami?” Marinette said flustered.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I though french customs involve kissing others on the cheek?” Kagami said in surprise, although a small part of Marinette said Kagami knew what she was doing.

“W-Well, yes, but its usually on both sides.” Marinette said, who was blushing.

“Hmmm. In that case, let me fix it.”

Kagami moved to the other cheek, and gave it another slow gentle kiss. Marinette felt that this one was even slower than before.

“U-Um, I should mention that it’s usually done a bit faster?” Marinette said, who at this point looked red from embarrassment and the rather intimate action

Kagami just grinned, almost mischievously. “Oh, im sorry then, I’ll make sure to fix it next time.”

Marinette watched Kagami get into the car. “It was nice to meet you Marinette, and thanks for all that you did. Do tell Adrien that I would like to have that rematch with him, if he doesn’t mind.”

“O-ok, I will!”

“And I’ll make sure to improve my greeting next time. I could have done better with that kiss.”

“Oh-Um…”

Kagami grinned and got into the car. Marinette watched it drive off.

“I think she likes you!”

“Wah! Tikki?!”

“Sorry Marinette! I couldn’t talk, there were too many people around.” Tikki said from inside the bag. “But Kagami really took a liking to you. I think she really likes you, thats why she gave you that kiss!”

“H-Huh?! N-No way! W-we are just friends, t-thats all. She just made a mistake with the kiss that’s all!”

“Didn’t she say that she has been to other parts of France? Surely she learned French customs there.”

Marinette blinked for a moment. 

Then she screamed into her shirt.

—————————————————————————

As Kagami went home, she looked out the window with a small smile on her face.

‘Marinette….’ Kagami thought. ‘I hope to see you again soon.’

———————————————————————–

Sorry for the long wait @vitaliciouscreations! I had a lot of stuff to do, and it takes a while for me to write something this big. I tried to make a slight Kagami/Marinette ship, but I didn’t want it to be so noticeable until the end for a slight slow burn! Anyway’s, I hope this Kagaminette fic with the alternate introduction makes you happy!

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

[tumblunni]

Social anxiety C C C COMBO BREAKERRRRR

I had a real good day yo!!

I was in a really stupid emotional state at 4am this morning cos of a dumb nightmare about my abusive mum that i havent seen in 15 years. But at least because of it it prompted me to try and find the address of my childhood home again, and i successfully did and i had a huge nostalgia wave just looking at google street view. I dont know if i'll ever be brave enoughto actually visit there and walk down the same road again with my new and taller legs, but just knowing that its not impossible makes me feel a lot better.

But then srsly i was in real big panic attack shakes and i couldbt get back to sleep and i had a pounding headache and my eyes hurt and then when i finally passed out i kept waking up like half an hour later and having to go thru all the hell of getting asleep again. And then when i woke up at 5pm having wasted the whole day i realized my electricity was out and i needed to walk the 1.5km to the shop where i can pay the bills and AAAAGH giant headache and on the verge of tears and its the middle of a heatwave and my hair dye is all faded bad and so many damn excuses. And 'oh well itll take like 20 minutes to get ready and then what if i walk too slow and the shop is closed'. All the stupid reasons i use to excuse my social anxiety!

BUT IM REALLY PROUD THAT I STILL DID IT

I'm not just giving myself the 1.5 on my kilometres count, im definately getting two points for 'survived anxious social situation with style and grace'!

Cos seriousky cos of the heatwave i wouldnt be able to wear heavy baggy coat yo cover myself up, so i went out in a short sleeved shirt with my binder and i was really inpressed with how good i looked in the mirror. Yknow even tho my face was like sleep deprived mega anxious death hell! XD but yeahi managed to accomplish the Basic Things Of Daily Life despite being in my worst anxious state for ages, and i did it in sweltering weather and while unconfident in my ability to pass. I actually ended up having a swing in my step on the way back and enjoyed a completely un anxious walk for once! I just saw myself in the mirror in the supermarket bathroom and was like 'holy shit i look perfectly fine, what was i worried about?' And then i didnt completely fall apart due to the now new worry that if i was actually successfully passing then maybe i'd get kicked out for using the bathroom of my birth sex. It was a slow shopping day so nobody else came in there, it was fine. And i mean i'd still feel equally as anxious using the other bathroom, there arent any unisex toilets for nonbinary folk :(

But yeah i handled it really well!! Its such a small anxiety to other people tho and i still feel ashamed that i cant completely shed my peoplephobia all at once. But this was a really big step up that metaphorical staircase!

Oh and while i was there i actually felt confident enough to Actually Do Some Damn Shopping! I didnt just limit it to a basic run and gun, get in there, get the one thing and leave thing. I very often do that!! Sometimes it takes me two trips to the shops to get everything cos i got so anxious i just ran home after the first thing XD But today i actually wandered around the whole supermarket and checked if there was anything on sale or anything i forgot to put on my shopping list. Again, very basic thing that normal people do every day, but for me i usually get irrationally panicked so this was a disproportionately big accomplishment!

I BOUGHT A SHOES

I havent bought a new pair of shoes since like.. 4 years? 5 maybe? I cant recall if it was before i moved here or just after. I have a stupid habit of only owning one thing and only replacing it when its broken, because like.. Leftover instincts from being poorer. And its stupid cos im perfectly able to splurge on electronics or pokemon merchandise or whatever when i have spare money, yet when it comes to actual life necessities im like 'nah what a waste'. I guess its cos avoiding paying for them was a common experience during those homeless times, whereas splurging on self birthday gifts was not a thing i could ever do at all. Possibly this is the same reason i get easily suckered in by scratchcards and lootboxes, its easy to not notice how much i'm wasting when its not something i have a long experience with. Plus they kinda cheat by making each singular pull be cheap and then encouraging you to keep gambling fifty more times. But its only 2 bucks each time~fuckin hell im dumb to fall for that shit.

ANYWAY thats why ive been using the same shitty pair of trainers for like five years. Theyre really durable but theyre not exactly comfy or very good looking. Theyre like this neon green and yellow and black tron lines abomination that i DO KINDA LOVE but ive gotta admit that it doesnt fit with many outfits. I literally dont own a single other yellow anything.

So yeah i bought three pairs of shoes on sale for 15 pound in total HOLY SHIT thats a good dealio! I got some plimsolls/daps/im not actually sure what they call them in other countries sorry. Its like the fabric shoe but it has a good grip runner's sole to it? Always used to wear them in gym class at school, i liked them beter than trainers cos the sole wasnt as thick and inflexible. I mean im already clumsy without like 3cm more height on me! And then i got some sort of loafer thing thats similar but more The Comfort. And then i also got some super soft indoor slippers! So now i actyalky have shoes for differebt occasions!! Jogging walking and laying around being a couch potato! Not just wearing these big chunky trainers for all of that! I mean lol it used to be even worse, once my Only Shoes were actualky these huge mountain climbing boots XD i got them free from the homeless shelter and kept them for years after i left, even tho they were too tight and always cut up the back of my ankles. Ah, memories of past trauma! Why am i stirring up so many of these today!!

So anyway yeah thats my Very Boring Normal Day that for once i managed to handle like a normal human being. I'm proud!

Oh and i also got a glitter cowboy hat and i dont know why they were selling a glitter cowboy hat but it was the only sort of sun hat they had so i went with it. It kinda helps with dysphoria somehow?? Like i know people will criticize that part of my fashion first before they notice how ugly the rest of me is XD and its hard to be sad when you're thinking 'beep boop gender cowboy'

[prismcaster]

The road to recovery is long, and rough. When I first started this journey, I had just found out I was cancer free.

Those words, while great to hear, meant I could relax, and maybe stop worrying so much about whether I would live or die, or whether I’d have to do chemo, or radiation, or whether of not my hair would all fall out.

But, alas, i was wrong.

Yes, that worry did subside, but i would still wonder time and time again if they were sure. No scans were involved, so who knew what was really going on inside of my body.

But it turned out, that those thoughts were the least of my concerns.

You see, as a child, I didn’t exactly have the easiest upbringing. My parents divorced when I was 3, and my mom moved my sister and I to California. From then on, I was a pawn. And i quickly learned how to appease, and hopefully please both sides.

It was hard… they were young, and I don’t know if they truly believed that they were making the best choices or not, but they made those choices all the same.

Those choices led to multiple things happening that truly traumatized me, and left me carrying around pain and agony that took a heavy toll on me for most of my life.

It was after they said “you are cancer free” and i began to relax, that I started to realize just how much damage there was, and I had no idea how to fix it.

I tried… i saw a therapist, I talked about things, and she sympathized with me… and told me how strong i was, and how smart i was, and all sorts of super positive things. But that’s when the real problem became apparent… I didn’t believe her.

I didnt feel worthy of anything good. I had a strained relationship with my mom, no relationship with my father, i had stopped talking to my sisters because I felt so different after cancer, and i imagine they also didn’t know what to say to me anyway. I had my husband, but i kept him at arms length from me because I felt defective, and undeserving of his love. I literally isolated myself, and i didn’t realize I was even doing it at the time.

I spent so much time alone. And time alone, when you feel alone, is a very dangerous thing.

I was so mean to myself. I would even ask people sometimes how they were able to put up with me, leaving room for them to help me tear myself down if they wanted. Usually, they would try and talk me up, but then I would just assume they were saying it to be nice, and doubted every kind thing anyone said. I was a truly honest hot ass mess.

One day, I decided I was going to give myself a bruise. I wanted a big, dark bruise… something painful, something I could poke at and feel, because pain was better than the numbness that I was feeling otherwise.

So, i poked, and poked, and poked some more at various veins, trying desperately to pierce one, and get the bruising I truly desired. When that didnt work, I said “fuck it” and grabbed an exacto knife, and before I knew it, I had a giant gash in my fore arm, and blood running down to my wrist.

At that moment, while watching the blood stream down my arm, I realized I fucked up. I didn’t want to tell anyone, because I was ashamed of myself, and I also didn’t want to admit to the people whom i believed would judge me more for the action I was already punishing myself for, so I cleaned myself up, bandaged it up, and pretended like nothing happened.

But it wasn’t just nothing… it was definitely something. I reopened that wound 5 or 6 times before I finally let it heal all the way. And i dodged questions about where it came from all the time.

Then came the fight.

This fight was probably the worst fight I have ever been apart of, but also the most pivotal fight in my entire life.

As bad as it was, it was over something so simple… laundry.

Then, after i stormed off to sit alone in the dark and cry, my husband came in, sat down, and asked me what was going on. Then i let it all out. Every last detail, from beginning to end.

I cried. He cried. And he promised me he would help me get through it.

So, i went back to my therapist, i figured i had already laid out the ground work for her, i just had to fill her in on the new self harm stuff.

That day, I was diagnosed with PTSD, and from there, my true journey to recovery started, two years after being told I no longer had cancer.

When I got home, i looked up lots of information on PTSD and it made sense. Perfectly. My whole life had been traumatic up to this point, but I had to figure out how to be happy despite that.

I visited a doctor and started anti depressants. When i was given them, i was told I wouldn’t feel much for about two weeks, but honestly, for me, i started to feel the difference in a couple of days.

I told my therapist this, and what i was taking, and she explained to me that my brain must not have been producing seratonin, those wonderful feel good brain chemicals, at all. So, i knew then, i was headed the right way.

Today though, I feel great.

It has been a long and difficult battle, but over the past two years I completely rewrote my life manual, and have worked so hard to change my outlook so that I could get better, and be better.

One thing I can’t say enough, is that self love is really the most important thing. In the words of my idol, Rue Paul, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?!” Its so true though.

With my self care came a better relationship with my mom, a beautiful relationship with my sisters, the best relationship with my husband, and best of all, I have mostly stopped my negative self talk.

Yea, I find myself being mean to myself sometimes still… but I catch it now. And I stop it.

I am proud of who I am, and how much I have managed to overcome, despite the level of difficulty.

I now know I am worthy of all of these great things, the family, the friends, the positive words, all of it. And i try my hardest to spread that positivity around. I never pass up an opportunity to try and help someone else feel joy. I never pass up the opportunity to pass out compliments. I never let a family member or friend leave my presence without letting them know that I love them. And I do this because I don’t know how any of them are thinking or feeling, and I would hate to ever make them guess if anyone cared about them.

Today I love fully, and give of myself what I can safely, so that I can continue to spread the magic of inner peace around to anyone who needs it.

As I have said before, the road to recovery is hard… but while it was difficult, I am so glad I did it. I wouldn’t change anything now. I am perfect the way I am. Take it or leave it… this is me!

[matazz]

letters roy endoza never sent

so i wrote these because i wanted to write out roy’s feelings to the party members. it was mostly a way to vent, but during the time, i really did want to send them - but my DM never let me (if you’re reading this LOL).

there’s something a bit sadder about it being letter’s he never sent.

in my head, he left along the journal that he wrote as well with the letters he left behind. i guess canonically i can say that the party never ended up finding them. 

group letter (written after roy left the party & before the gala)

for the group, i had fun while we were charading around finding ancient artifacts and solving puzzles. i’m going to miss our adventure, but i have to leave. i’ve involved myself against the fate of the universe, a crime against all odds. i’ve loved knowing you all and you’ve all helped me so much but i dont want to involve you anymore in it. more importantly i feel as if that my actions may draw a rift in your beliefs and i dont want to seperate that bond. please do not look for me. i’m afraid i serve no purpose in this mission with the champions anymore. i dont think the gods (and even myself) consider myself to be a champion anymore. to be quite honest with you, i don’t know what the consequences are or what might be from my actions but i will deal with it myself. i’m going to be honest. i appreciate all of you, and you’ve helped me in learning so much. about the world, magic, and other people. but i don’t want to involve any of you in my life and i don’t want to see any of you ever again. please do not try to contact me or find me. this is my departure letter. i am safe, and i am well, and i dont want to be involved with the champions anymore. i hope everybody does well. i’m sorry i left without saying anything but it had to be this way. it’s better for me this way, for everyone. i’ll stay safer this way. if the gods tell you to locate me, please ignore them their calls. i can not say why, but if you trust me at all, please believe me when i say i’m safer not meeting you. sincerely, roy endoza.

To the group (i think this was written the day of the gala, but before the Thing happened)

To the Champions, I’m not sure when this letter will deliver, so you might receive it a bit late. I’ve left for a while to pursue my own goals and research some things. I'm not sure when I'll be back, or if I'll even be back at all. There's been so much nagging at me that distances myself from all of you and I don't really feel like I belong so much anymore anyway. I don’t know whether or not my research is going to succeed, but if on the event that something happens, please don’t look for me. To be quite frank, I don’t really want to involve any of you in my research and I’m afraid that meeting you is only going to be a liability to me. On the unlikely event that my research turns out to be negative, I'll come back; however if that’s not the case then please don’t try to contact me and do not look for me. I can not stress this enough, but what I’m about to go through with is going to upset the gods and more importantly, all of you. It hurts to leave like this, but I have to say farewell. I loved travelling with most of you and I’ve learnt more about the world than I ever could have just staying at my house in Origin. Thank you so much for the adventure. Perhaps for the last time, Roy Endoza.

To Ayce (written the day of the gala i think)

Ayce, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to talk to you before I left. To be honest, I couldn’t bring myself to do it and I haven’t had the time or the nerve to say anything. I regret all of that, but you deserve at least something before I leave. I can’t continue our relationship.. I’ve felt distant for a while now, and it’s been nagging at me but I don’t think we’re good for eachother at all. I’ve been a dishonest man to you despite the fact that you’ve been honest with me the entire time. I know it makes me an asshole. You deserve so much better than I could ever be to you. I wish there was more I could say. You've probably figured it out already, and if you have then I already know it was pretty selfish or stupid of me to start this relationship despite the fact that I've known all along how it was going to turn out. You don't have to forgive me. I wouldn't either. And if you haven't figured it out, then I hope it wasn't so terrible for you. I've enjoyed my time with you. I hope you find someone better. Roy.

A letter to Ayce (written like the day roy left)

ayce i have a lot i’ve been meaning to say to you but havent had the time or the nerve to say anything. but i need to say it now because you deserve these words. i can no longer continue our relationship. i’ve redeemed myself but in doing so, i’ve gone against the world; but more importantly, to you. i love you very much, and i wish i could have come to the ball with you and danced. i would have loved to; but i have a lot going on and i dont want to involve you, or anybody else in our charade, involved in my problems. i’m sorry i could not say it to your face. i hope life treats you well. you deserve so much better than i could ever have been. with love roy

Letter to Ayce (dated from the week before roy left)

ayce i’m writing this because i didnt have the nerves to say this in person, and i apologize for that. to be honest, the more time passes the more o begin to think our relationship was a mistake, so i’m officially parting ways. i never lied when i said i love you. i still do, but i just dont think it has worked out or even will. i think our morals are too different; and i cant find myself being with somebody who finds it so easy to murder a person. no matter how terrible she was, i thought that you of all people may have disapproved after experiencing death already. i also found myself attached to Fox, so his leaving leaves a hole in my heart. ialso despise Atlas; but i digress, none of these are even the main reason i’m leaving. to be quite frank, i’ve never seen this mission with the gods as important. my dreams, my goals, my redemption; they will always be first. this mission with the gods has just been seen as a side quest for me. partially because i don’t trust the gods myself. if we take everything we’ve heard at face value, then why should i trust God’s that have left the world to ruins before? they don’t even trust us enough to tell us what has happened in the past. in my opinion, they’re either incompetent and lazy or not telling us the actual truth of what we’re doing; or even what they’re doing. they aren’t powerful. if they were, they could retrieve the keys themselves or defeat beshaba’s group themselves. i just can’t bring myself to want to do a mission anymore where i have to obey people who can not trust us enough to let us know basic information. meeting you was a bonus, but i think it’s time for me to move on. this wasn’t a decision i’ve made because Fox left; i’ve been thinking about this for a while. neither my goals or morals align with anyone elses. i want to be good, but i’m only a wench in a perfectly working clock. as of recent events, i also don’t want to explain myself to Atlas of all people, but i can’t bring myself to tell you about myself either. i may return, if only for more information or perhaps even the gala; as much as i do not care for the gods, i’m still interested in the keys and the power within them. if i meet you there, i know it may sound selfish to ask, but i hope you may give me one last dance. roy

a notebook. it’s a bit worn out and has some torn pages.. it was left behind with roy’s stuff and all the letters

‪entry 47‬ ‪[torn out page] ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪[torn out.] ‬‪entry 69‬ [‪torn out] ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back. i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ‪[scribbled out over so that you cant read it] ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just

sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out but still there: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪[torn out] entry 101.2 [torn out] entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. [the rest of it is torn out] (torn note inbetween the pages hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over. (there are about 2-3 pages with entry 102 that are torn out) entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try

avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 [torn out] entry 124 [torn out]

[clear-claireclare]

just random thoughts

I previously thought that it was kind of like a "problem" of me in which I have to solved but in reality, it isn't. Its not a problem to be solved. Its me and I don't have to apologized for it.

So what I thought was a "problem" is if ever I have a relationship with a man, we would be hanging out or messaging each other but like only 10% or 20% of the time and the 90% or 80% would be us doing our own thing. I thought this was a problem and in my previous dating experiences, I tried to remedy this by actually giving them time more than what I wanted but after a few weeks, it just didnt turn out well because I felt like I was cheating on myself of happiness. I started doing my thing and lesser time to them and they started saying that I have no more time for them or what.

My last dating experience (more than two years ago), I cut it off before it even gets worse because I know I can't give him what he wants which is more time to message or see each other. I like him but I'm more focused on my growth and the things that I wanted to do.

Honestly, after that last experience, I felt happy. Happy in a way that I chose not to live by someone else's decisions.

Now (two years later), I am so so happy that I decided to do just that and after that, I never really felt the need to date anyone because I'm so focused on learning more about myself, doing things with my community, and focusing on the things that I am interested in. I'm satisfied and contented.

Anyways before I get to my point, let me just share something that I read in content creator Ali Abdaal's latest newsletter, he wrote about seeing relationships as something like doing things together/hanging out 10% and doing their own thing 90% of the time and wow. boy. I felt like I was understood.

He wrote that he find himself weird because of that but somehow he had learned that its just who he is. Though he mentioned the possibility that maybe he hasn't "like" anyone that much before that's why he's perceiving relationships in that view. But either way, he writes that he just doesnt care anymore. Its who he is.

I'm writing this as a way for me to say to myself that this is who I am and I will not bring myself down in order to suit some "preference". Whenever I see some of my friends who message with their partners all the time (well, maybe I'm exaggerating but really, like most of the time???), I grimaced. I just did not see myself in that situation. I would feel very much like a prisoner.

But just like Ali Abdaal wrote, maybe I haven't really like someone that much. But also, maybe this is just me. I like having my own time. I like being in solitude (like most of the time).

A few weeks ago, I talked with my former class adviser when I was in grade school. Of course, the topic of relationships was brought up because I'm already of legal age and I told her honestly that I'm not looking forward to forming any romantic relationships right now. My parents restricted me on having a boyfriend as long as I'm still in formal education but even with or without their restrictions, I'm just not into dating right now.

In a few years, I would be graduating college and I would start to hear romantic relationships and marriage more often. I might even be pressured to have one. But right now, I'm just focused on personal growth especially emotionally. I have a lot of personal issues and I can't let my partner suffer from it.

After I said this to my previous adviser, she went on to say how she's proud of my mindset and that its great how I got my values set at a young age but she also reminded me that when love comes, I should not stray away from it

Though of course I agreed, I'm not giving up on the possibility that a romantic love will come but I'm just not seeking it at all (yet or maybe not ever).

This is a reminder that I'm perfectly okay and contented with what I have right now and I don't need a romantic partner to "fulfill" me. I want to continue on wherever my interests lead me, continue to learning more about myself, and healing.

In a few years, I hope I would not be pressured in finding a partner or getting married just because someone says so. I will not live by someone else's dogma. Not anymore.

[themeadowau]

my eyes shot up my eyes watery as I covered my mouth to prevent waking up my dad. my name is natsuki now you probably don't know me but... you know what yeah I'm pretty damn sure you don't know me, ok so lets say I'm not the brightest and like I'm told by the people around me that I'm a over all brat. hah they are so wrong! but there is a few things you must keep in mind around me. don't mention my home, don't you dare say my cooking is terrible or ill show you what for!! and...im always hungry....don't ask why I'm just----I slammed my notebook with tears in my eyes "g-god dam----"I covered my mouth with one hand and stopped myself from spiting those words at home...I uncovered my mouth once more, and checked the time on my phone "convenient..." turns out I woke up an hour before school so instead of being late I might be on time this time, well as long as I don't wake up dad on my way out as I got up and put my notebook under my pillow "he never checks there so it should be safe after all he never checks my room unless I'm not in it..." I sighed and went to my closet and put on my school uniform and looked at the cracked image and I rolled my eyes and went my ways towards to bedroom door as I reached back and grabbed the image real quick and stuffed it in my bag and ran out the front door. it was a normal school day like any other, school is not the important thing unless you count the fact you don't want bad grades that I do try to not mess up. but the reason I'm always glad for school to end is the club, its my paradise away from home mostly anyways. like its fun and all I can read my manga there and feel safe but...I opened the door to see them waiting for me, my friends can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

Chapter one :Petal's:

"Okay everyone~! time to share our poems from over the weekend!" monika the club president shouted with the confidence that stood out but at the same time wasn't to bash and was welcoming mainly because her voice sounded honey coated and sweet she formed the literature club so they could "bound" and hang out like friends. "hmm! oh OH I'm really proud of this one could you please read mine out loud first~?" then sayori the vice president the little bundle of sunshine she always manages to brighten someone's day, no wonder why she is the vice president. "....." as yuri smiled softly yet nervously signally she dosent mind going 2nd again, yuri is very shy and only speaks around us or just in this club and to be honest she kind of does make the best poems I have ever read....though I would never admit that to her face."Ugh common sayori this is like the 5th time in a row you went first what if for say I wanted to go first!" then there is me, natsuki I'm pretty much a brat and not my fault I have to be the only realistic one here like yeah its cool and everything to have friends, but they can be complete idiots some times I swear!. "one more day pretty please!!!, I promise tomorrow I will let you go first natsuki!! hehehe!" I sighed annoyed "F-FINE!! but you better let me have my turn to go first tomorrow!!!" I haven't gone first in months for your information so my reasoning was perfectly reasonable!!! Monika chuckled as she let sayori stand up to the stand. since I was siting by yuri hard to say but when she isn't looking I usually get lost in her eyes, w-wait why am I saying this!?! I blushed slightly as I went deaf and I couldn't stop staring at her, natsuki snap out of it!! listen to sayoris damn poem and snap out of it!!! finally I blinked and sayori just finished reading her poem out loud, luckily nobody realized I was staring. listen I may stare at yuri deeply but that dosent mean crap! you have to admit to yourself in your life with someone you had no attraction too somebody  you stared at deeply. its just a stupid thing we do!! apperantly when I was blacked out monika said we would change things up a little bit and have one person share infront of everyone there poem and then everyone else would share with the person of your chosing. sayori told me when I asked her why is nobody steping up to the stand. yuri came over to me and put two of the desk together so we could share our poems more easily, why does she always chose me why not sayori or for gods sake monika but here I am sitting here with boiling frustration. "so natsuki your u-uh poem...you didn't forget it today rig---" I was boiling over at this point "NO I DIDNT FORGET WHY WOULD I FORGET MY POEM!!"I reached down into my bag and un-crumbled my crinkled poem, I made yuri flinched...small things like that proves that... I'm the dominate one here!!!"see!!" as I slammed my wrinkled poem down on the desk flat. "hmm g-good! I was just making s-sure, here take this" I raised an eyebrow as I looked at the empty pill bottle that had the words "take a chill pill" with my name on the bottom. "I don't need to take a chill pill!!!! I just don't like you riding on my butt all the time!!!" I squealed at here, and when I mean squealed I actually sounded like a dying pig. I looked at yuri as if I was threating her with my intimdating stare. "natsuki ill just take your poem n-now and read it..." yuri replaced my poem with hers and I picked it up and started to read it....

end of part one

[skyedill-blog]

300 things that make me happy (May 11th, 2014)

  music that reminds you of something good

coldplay

doctor who

wes anderson

arctic monkeys

watercolors

my grandma’s house

my grandma

cats

dogs

my other grandma

my parents

getting money

my sisters

when my palms aren’t clammy

old photos

blogging

supernatural

cardigans

christmas lights

steel guitar strings

making movies

sleeping in

staying up all night

sunrises

candles

new converse

wifi working

biking

benedict cumberbatch

sherlock holmes

family videos

the vlogbrothers

learning something new

teaching someone something new

calvin & hobbes comic books

ampersands &&&&&

remembering something i forgot

full battery

the fault in our stars

tea

coffee

clean dishes

honey

when my sister thinks im funny

getting better from a cold

colored napkins for parties

bad music that you still like

being the first to wake up

grapefruit soda

passionate political debates without bigotry

equality

hugs

when you get to lick the spoon during baking

coming home

running away

strangers who smile back

when you and one other stranger see something funny and you smirk at each other

little kids that make faces with you

the london underground

winston churchill

colin firth

jarred telling me dumb jokes

the tylers

my cousins

when films are remade from a long time ago and they are really good

when films are remade from a long time ago and they are really bad but you see them anyway

appreciating good art

laughing at stupid pretentiously simple art

67 chevy impalas

oversized jumpers

indoles crew

chapin’s class

finding my old clothes from when i was little

the color green

sun shining through the cracks in the leaves

tia

kepler

my family in denmark

carlsberg beer

meeting strangers on buses and having nice conversations

old english women named sally

maddy because she calls me a dork and makes me laugh

my grandma’s accent

my mom’s accent

bridget’s singing voice

getting to stay up when the little cousins have to go to sleep

the kids table at thanksgiving

bread

coloring

finding out that you got accepted to college at your dream school

spaghetti

rosy cheeks

finger painting

days that my depression lifts a bit and i feel like a normal kid again

the smiths

three hole punching

getting glasses for the first time and its like you found god

old cameras

new cameras

101 dalmatians

new york city

being surrounded in books

when i do homework and dont cry

new music that i cant believe i didnt know about

internet friends

getting mad and just swearing like a sailor because damn it feels good

dean winchester because he taught me about love  

sam winchester because he taught me about forgiveness

cas because he taught me about redemption

bobby singer because he taught me that family doesnt end in blood

porch swings

boys

alex turner’s accent and hair

The number 115

triangle banners

the hotel room i stayed in when i was in berlin

trivia

brushing my teeth

morning star farms veggie sausage

during spring when the sun is up by the time i leave for school

lord of the rings and the hobbit

going to the library for class instead

apple products

white linens

top gear uk

james may’s stupid hair

maps

getting confirmation

star gazing

teaching my little cousins about science and the stars

the fact that we are all made of stardust

puns

when you know a word in a different language and you feel really cool for remembering it and connecting it wow im cool

lower case letters

newly vaccuumed carpet

the sound of stapling

muffins

shredding paper

exact change

getting homework done early

mediterranean food

karl pilkington and how much he hates everything

stephen fry quotes

obama

calling my friends nerds

waking up early

plane rides

soft socks

when family brings you home leftovers

when my step dad gives me life lessons

my cat rory. rip.

my dog seeger

les miserables

showtunes

frank sinatra

billie holiday

queen elizabeth II

james bond movies

alfred hitchcock movies

billy wilder movies and how he was a sarcastic butthead

warm paper just off the printer

freshly mowed grass

evolution theories because wow that is so cool and learning how species grew and evolved is insane

colorful kites

museums

tuesdays

old timey christmas music

the thought of moving away from home and doing something new even though its really scary

mac and cheese

when packages come for you in the mail

the feeling i had when i got my drivers license

mr. kato

pirates

when people fall asleep on your shoulder and you suddenly feel that being their pillow is your only purpose

my family in miami

winning board games

when people get their braces off

kick ass lyrics that perfectly make sense

accepting how fragile things are and being better for it

stand up comedians

rainy days that make you feel a little sad and chilly but its good to be sad sometimes

unrealistically tiny things

getting compliments from people you are trying to impress

backing out of plans you didnt really want to fufill

shows without continuity errors

when movies and tv shows say the title of the movie or tv show

colloquialisms

freckles

songs turned acoustic

quirks about people like scars or birthmarks

leonardo dicaprio because like holy crap have you seen that guy act

shakespeare

formatting errors

irony

having a good calendar

a clean house and your mom being proud of you

painting walls

finishing a good tv show or series and having a good cry

books

kissing

oragami

pepper jack cheese

concerts that make you feel like you belong somehow with all these strangers and the lights go down and you all sing

giving a waiter/waitress a good tip

writing lyrics on the back of your hands

feeling like a stupid teenager with loud music and ripped jeans which somehow feels like your own rebellion against nothing

knowing that however old i get i will still be that stupid teenager who eats cold pizza and plays my music a little too loud

listening to people talk

road trips

pranking my step-dad

filling up the gas tank all the way

my aunt tiffany’s house

peaceful people

diplomatic solutions to violent things

pianos

cool light fixtures

film scores

inventiveness

dystopian novels

finishing a long paper

basset hounds

photo booth

clark’s shoes

mayonnaise on wasa with yellow tomatoes and salt and pepper

veggie burgers with fried green tomatoes

nostalgic places

monty python

peter pan

boarding passes

butter

blue skies

overcast

shadow puppets

blanket forts

camping

the smell of mosquito spray

waterfalls

driving through the smoky mountains

bon iver

harry potter

learning about WWI and WWII

good quotes

google because without it i probably wouldnt be graduating high school

when people let me talk/encourage me to keep talking because sometimes im made fun of for talking too much

knowing weird facts about things and getting to tell people

hearing people talk about the things they love

hearing people laugh

trumpets

when people stand up for me or notice when i am being wronged without me telling them

when people remember my name

having a sub for a teacher i dont like

understanding a math concept because it is rare

riding in golf carts

weekends

christmas trees

eurovision

french

plot twists

nice patio furniture

waking up to thunderstorms

witty welcome mats

having the windows down all the way in the car and it's really cold but it feels good to feel something

tom hiddleston

that really nice business man i met on the tube several months ago

booty

getting my hair cut

those really pretty flowers in england

laying in the sunshine on the living room carpet

high waisted shorts

strawberries

pirouettes

lemonade

glitter

the rain song by led zeppelin

those erasers shaped like food

rollercoasters (not too big)

campfire smell

waking up with good hair

conchita’s beard

copenhagen

really juicy pens

horse movies

april ludgate

the sun

the moon

weeping willow trees

acing a test

alpacas

warming your hands on a hot mug

red noses after playing in the snow

watching old movies during a rainstorm

hammocks

baby toes

those pretty lights on northumberland street

mushy peas and chips

wristwatches

scratch & sniff stickers

knowing that even though i will get older and my hair will grow and my skin will wrinkle and scar and this list will be revised… that i will still be me and its okay to change… its okay to run away and make stupid choices and dye all your clothes purple and waste your money and eat cheesecake… its okay because my list will change and so will i and hating what you used to be gets nothing done and neither does hating who you are. things are changing and they wont stop. today these 300 things make me happy and one day they wont but that doenst mean i lost myself. it means i grew. i know that. that makes me happy.

moving on

[survivor-iceland]

Ep. 13 - “So its been a dayyyyyyy Jayyyyyyy” - Jack

Timmy

How in the fuck am I still here?!?! I'm overjoyed and this is incredible. Tbh Jack totally just fucked his game but this is so good for me, even if I get out at 6, I still made it a little further than I thought I would've. Also, Raffy really popped the fuck off and it was so funny to watch. I'm just in a really good mood right now.

Maynor

I cant believe idol play was amazing but it wasnt needed. Sjdbsb it was 4-3 for Jack to go is crazy. And im so happy that Timmy stayed in the game. I dont want to play the game without him. So im super happy that he’s still in. We need to win this immunity and keep it away from zoe and Raffy. We need those options open. And also try n keep the idol away from them.

Raffy

Last night was a wild trip. Firstly, I cannot believe Ellie would betray us like that when Maynor is still in this fucking game. No one, except me, seems to think that he's going to win if we keep letting him have control of the game. It's as if I am in a game with a bunch of sheep where I am the only free thinker. This applies to Jack too since he voted out Ellie instead of Timmy in the revote. Like imagine keeping Timmy in this game when he has done so much!!! Like we just keep letting them get away with things and we just keep letting them have control of the game. I'm sick of it!!! I can only trust Zoe now since apparently everyone else is too brain dead to see the obvious threats in this game. I pretended to be fake mad to Jack in order to keep him on our side. I told him that my aggression was a ploy to make them think that he's on their side. I mean I was real mad, but he doesn't need to know that. I don't know whether the lie worked or not, but I just need to find an idol or win immunity because I am sick of Maynor and Timmy being like cockroaches in the nuclear fallout. Like??????? And don't get me started on the goat Joseph who doesn't even know how to talk to people properly. All of them can go fuck off for all I care. 

Raffy

Well I didn't find the idol, and I know that Jack is on the other path with that BS rotating puzzle. So, tomorrow I'll be doing the tundra and hopefully find it before anyone else, otherwise my time in this game is running out. I don't know how well I will do with the immunity challenge, but I have to be confident to do well. I'm praying that Zoe found something because we desperately need it if onyl to prevent Maynor from having it.  

Raffy

Also this is the mood for the rest of the game for John and Ellie and maybe Zoe if she doesn't make it to FTC with me:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0U_Cdrbols

Timmy

Raffy is so fucking smug. He laughed whenever someone messed up in the challenge and basically almost cackled when Maynor and I got it. Like don’t fucking kick me when I’m down. 6th is my Achilles heel and I’m already freaking out. 

Jack

So its been a dayyyyyyy Jayyyyyyy. First Zoe comes in here like, "hey my idol still works" so my and raffy and zoe are like okayyyy we have to freaking one of us get immunity so its at least 2/3 and then zoe wins, and then moments later i finished the HELL PUZZLE WITH THE POINTY IDENTICAL LOOKING PIECES AND BACKGROUND and whoops i found the idol, so theoretically the three of us are like 3/3 safe and can vote out maynor. He's a sweet guy but like yeet. Raffy might be in trouble if zoe like wigs out and doesnt use the idol on him/ was like totally bullshitting about it? but i hope she aint cause yeah

Raffy

I'm glad that Zoe won the immunity challenge because it keeps safety away from both Maynor and Timmy. I wanted to win it, but I am proud that Zoe was able to either way. Her idol will be extremely useful going into this next round as we are planning to use it on me in order to make sure that 2/3 of us are safe tonight. Additionally, if the votes ends up tying 3-3, we can make sure that Jack is safe by revoting and keeping him in this game. Although, I doubt it has to come to that because Jack has also found an idol from the rehidden hunt. This means that all three of us will be safe going into this next tribal council unless they have an idol nullifier. Even then they still can only nullify one which means we're still the dominating force. Basically all is looking on the bright side for Raffy in this vote, and I hope things go smoothly in spite of my confidence.

Jack

I don't remember if I already made a confessional on this, but i found an idol, so now Zoe has immunity, she's gonna play her idol on Raffy, and imma play mine on me. Timmy's been hitting me and Zoe up about flipping on Raffy but we ain't doin thatttttt. Also Joseph was like "what happened in the challenge," and then was like what you thinkinnnnnnn. Maynor in general is like kinda accepted fate vibes. Hopefully everything goes well tonight.

Timmy

I’m distraught and upset. I guess it’s pretty much guaranteed that either myself or Maynor will be leaving tomorrow. I’m so sad and he deserves to stay so much and deserves to win and if he stays, I will not regret anything I did in this game. I want him to be happy and I know he belongs in this game and seeing him happy makes me so happy. 

Raffy

The plan right now is for Zoe to use her idol on me and for Jack to use his idol on himself so that we are all safe at tribal council tonight. My FTC plan right now is Zoe, Joseph, and I. I love Jack, but he needs to go because I feel like he beats me at the end. He has an amazing redemption arc, and he has pulled off so many things in his short time here without many social connections. That's pretty impressive. However, I want to take him out at F5 or F4 because I still need him on my side. My boot order currently is Maynor -> Timmy -> Jack. However, Jack is also good at challenges which means I have to pry the immunity necklace from his hands. I know I can beat him. I just have to go out there and do it. 

Maynor

Tonight might be my last night in the game and its bittersweet. I feel like i played a good game. I also feel like i was given credit for the moves Ive made. I am very proud of myself, and usually im always very hard on myself. I feel like this was my most out there game play ive had and im still very in aw that i was able to pull off a 4-3-3, vote 3-2-2 vote, able to flip Jack to vote Ellie saving Timmy, found an idol and many things. This has been a favorite game even though i might be out tonight. Like they know Ive played hard and i kept fighting to stay in this game. Tribal is going to be 3-3. We are voting jack (me timmy joseph) and (zoe raffy jack) are most likely voting for me once again. I hope. Jack has the idol cuz he did the trees path were i knew it was going to be at but my dumbass decided to do mountain instead. Jack is either going to use his idol on Raffy to try n avoid a tie or of jack plays it on himself and he negates all his votes. Either way. We are going to lose someone and they arent. So whatever happens tonight i will be content with cuz ive done everything that i could to try and survive. ❤️ Jay for having me back. Youre the best. Love you. ❤️

Maynor

My thoughts on 5 of the Final 6 people in the game: 1. Jack- oh the second boot. Was very paranoid early of this game and its understandable. Did good in EOE and returned to the game. Seemed to fall into place to Raffy’s side by not even talking to me or people who were working with me. Made his own ‘move’ by doing Ellie during F7 vote. But honestly it was not a good move for him. Even though I preached Jack has his own story. Honestly, he is still kind of a goat. No one would vote for him to win over others left in the game. Going to the end with Zoe and Raffy is his death sentence but going also everyone else in the game is his death sentence. 2. Joseph- people are saying he is a goat but that is not necessarily true. He has made moves in this game to help his position in it. He took the opportunity at f10 to make a move. Again with John vote. Dylan vote as well. Same with Jack that turned to Ellie vote off. The moves he has made were to help him make it to the end. People are underestimating his game play and if he makes it to the end then he really deserves to win it. Especially over like Jack. Also Raffy and Zoe tbh. 👀 MaynorPart 2: 3. Zoe- Zoe is a good player. But gameplay this season, i dont think she deserves the win. She was already voted out. All her strategic moves did not go according to plan. Was over confident and cocky and comfortable in the game. Wasnt going to make it to the final 7 anyways because her allies Raffy and Dylan were going to take her out. Her game play after making it back into the game due to eoe has made her into a goat. Like if someone votes for her to win its due to them being bitter over everyone else. She didnt try to make connections with everyone. She went right back to the people she was working with. And you can feel the ooze of over confidence when she said “im fitting in perfectly” when her as only talked to Raffy and ellie and Jack. So 🤷‍♂️ Honestly social game aint that good either. 4. Raffy- oh boi. Raffy raffy. Were do I start. None of his plans have happened besides the Stephen vote and even that he said it wasnt his move. Gave it to Dylan. So 🤷‍♂️ What moves has he done really? Hes been rude to a few people here and honestly leaves a bad taste in my mouth (game wise) cuz its been more game talk from him. He gets mad when things dont go his way and just starts yelling at people that they made the bad decision. But he still fought in this game. I would gove my vote to him over people like Zoe and Jack. MaynorPart 3: 5. Timmy- can i say how proud i am with Timmy this season. His social game was amazing and strong. He had people wanting to work with him and was in a good spot for a bit. He felt in the bottom and made a move. Since then has been fighting to stay in the game. Got ellie to flip on her alliance. Said Dylan’s name for the target. He played an idol on me instead of himself. He really did all that in this game and he has a big shot to win this game. He just has to reach the final 3. I feel that he can do that. He’s a great person and honestly gunna be sad now going to be able to finish this game with him. Would have been amazing to be able to sit with him at the end of the game. But alas ive made myself into a huge target that no one would want to work with me to get to the end and i understand. It just sucks i wont be able to finish this game with him. But he would be a great winner. And he deserves it with the game he has played. Im wishing him the all the luck and sending him good vibes for the rest of the game. ❤️