#i didn't think too much about clothes except for the bfs

[tues-dayy]

I've been thinking about them a lot more recently, so some fun little Space Rocks! doodles

[rafesfavgirl]

gurl i neeed a part 2 of stop asking me to stay, that broke me😭😭😭

you ask, i deliver :) hope you like it!!

i don't regret a thing — r. cameron

part 1.

❝ we're not the only ones,  i don't regret a thing every word i've said, you know i'll always mean ❞

pairing: ex-bf!rafe x fem!reader

context: you and rafe have been dating for seven months, and while the relationship started it out well, as soon as the honeymoon phase ended (about 3 months in), everything went to shit. you've been trying to put up with it, knowing the situation with ward, but tonight, you realize you've had enough.

words: 2.4k+

warnings: swearing, toxic relationship, mentions of drug use, mainly fluff, a little angst, might still make you cry. rafe being an absolute simp for you, basically.

rafe wakes up the next morning, faced-down on topper's living room couch with almost no recollection of what happened the night before. except one thing—you'd finally walked away from him.

"not enough to choose me. you give in every time." your words echo in his head, as he opens his eyes.

fuck. what did he do?

"good morning sunshine," kelce comes down the stairs and greets rafe, who looked as if he couldn't move from the couch. "you sleep well?"

"i slept like shit," rafe groans, finally sitting himself up. "what the hell happened last night?"

"you mean other than you getting coked out and royally screwing things over with y/n?" kelce sasses him. "not much bro."

rafe shoots him a glare. "i did not royally screw things over with y/n."

"are you sure about that?" kelce raises a brow at him. "cause i had to drive her home last night crying, bro."

rafe's ear perk up at kelce's confession of you crying over him. you wouldn't have. you were the one who broke up with him.

"she was crying?" rafe asks.

"do you seriously even have to ask?" kelce replies. "i can't even count on two hands how many times you've made her cry the last few months."

no, that couldn't be true. surely he hadn't made you cry that often.

"shut the fuck up kelce," rafe gets up from the couch in complete denial of how shitty he's treated you the last few months and makes his way over to the kitchen.

rafe opens the fridge and grabs a bottle of water, while kelce joins him in the kitchen.

"you know it's true," kelce says, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms. "you just never see it, because she won't let you."

was he right?

"you know how y/n is, bro," kelce adds, as i take a sip of water. "she'll never let you know you're hurting her, because you fear nothing more than being the cause of her pain and losing her. but she's also not going to beg and cry for you to stay and fight for her."

i did know that. that's what i loved about her. she didn't necessarily play hard to get when i tried asking her out on a date after months of texting, but she didn't give in too easily either. she wanted me to prove i was serious about her before giving me a real chance. she knew her worth.

i recap the bottle i'm drinking from and set it down on the counter beside me, my eyes focused on kelce. "so what should i do?"

kelce holds his hands up. "if you don't know by now, i can't help you."

—

rafe wasn't an idiot. he knew what he had to do.

so, after going home and taking a shower to freshen up and get a change of clothes, he drove to the flower shop in town to get you a bouquet of lavender and baby's breath, then nothing bundt cakes to get your favorite treat—a white chocolate raspberry bundt cake—and finally, your house.

once he parked his truck in front of your house and got out, he went through his usual routine of rounding around to your backyard, where he moved the ladder the gardeners used towards your bedroom window.

he climbed up and knocked, balancing the flowers and bundt cake in one hand.

you were sitting in bed watching after we fell on your laptop with a box of tissues beside you and puffy, red eyes when you hear the knock on your window.

without even thinking about it, you already knew who it was. this was just what he did. and against your better judgment, you got up from your bed, and walked over to pull the curtains open and find rafe outside with a regretful look on his face, a bouquet of flowers and a small box of your favorite treat.

slowly, but surely, you unlock the window and pull it up.

"i'm sorry," he speaks before you can, and you scoff.

"you know, i'm getting real sick of hearing you say that," you reply, turning around to walk away and reposition yourself back on your bed, while he slips in through your window.

"i got you flowers," he offers you a small smile and holds both items out to you. "and your favorite bundt cake. white chocolate raspberry."

your eyes shift from the gifts in his hand to his piercing blue eyes. they were no longer dark like they were last night, but there was a sense of uncertainty in them. like he wasn't sure he could win you back.

"so what? am i suppose to just forgive you? just like that?" you retort.

he lets out a sigh, and takes a seat at the edge of your bed, placing both items down on your bed next to your box of tissues. he finally gets a good look at you—from the messy bun on your head, to the bags under your eyes from barely getting any sleep last night, to your red, puffy eyes—and realizes just how badly he's messed up this time.

"i should've just fucked all those other girls. at least they know how to have fun." he still couldn't believe he said those words to you last night.

"i don't deserve your forgiveness," he admits. "i know that. but i want it, y/n. and i'm willing to work for it."

while those words were music to your ears, you were apprehensive. he apologizes every time. and while things do change for a while, they're never permanent. and a week or two from now, you'd be back in this same situation again. was that really worth it?

"i know i don't deserve any more chances," he continues, his eyes only focused on yours. "but i promise… i promise just give me one more and you won't regret it."

your eyes shift between his. he looked a little… scared? was he really that afraid to lose you?

"i don't know, rafe," you say honestly, shifting a little. "you've hurt me so bad… i don't know if i can take you doing it one more time."

"i'm not going to," he immediately shakes his head and reaches out to take your hands in his, fiddling with your fingers and glancing down at them. "please, baby, please. just let me show you i'm the guy for you. that i can be the guy you need and want me to be."

"how?"

"you'll give me a chance?" he asks, his eyes lighting up at the idea of being given another chance to win you back. 

despite your brain screaming at you not to, your heart wins over and you nod. you couldn't help it. every part of you yearned for him. and if he was willing to show you that he really could be the guy you knew he was—the guy you fell in love with—then maybe it would be worth it.

"wear something nice," he says. "i'll come back to pick you up at seven."

—

at exactly seven on the dot, you hear rafe park his car in front of your house, and look out your bedroom window to see him dressed in skinny black slacks and a long sleeve, white button down carrying a bouquet of red roses as he walked towards your driveway and front door.

you can't help the small smile that forms on your face as you hurry to strap your heels on and look at yourself in the mirror one more time, before grabbing your purse off your vanity and heading down the stairs.

"where are you heading off to?" your mom asks when you pass by the living room, all dressed up.

"date with rafe," you reply, walking towards the front door.

your parents had never been rafe's biggest fan—they weren't exactly unaware of how often he's made you cry the last couple of months—but they also knew they couldn't stop you from dating whoever you wanted, so they never fought you on it, and you were grateful for that. it was comforting to know they'd support you no matter what happened.

taking a deep breath, you place your hand on the doorknob, and finally open the door when the bell rings.

rafe's eyes instantly widen at the sight of you, his eyes trailing down your body wrapped in a tight, short, satin red dress. "wow," he gasps. "you- you look…"

your cheeks redden at his loss of words. "you don't clean up too bad yourself, cameron."

he smiles at your use of his last name as a nickname, and holds the red roses in his hand out to you. "these are for you."

"you already got me flowers this morning, you know," you joke, taking the bouquet from him. your mom was gonna be pleased to know rafe was back to filling up all her flower vases.

"i know, but…" he trails off. "you deserve the best."

the blush on your cheeks deepen at his words. "give me a second," you turn to walk back towards the living room, and set the bouquet down on the coffee table in front of your parents. "don't wait up."

they don't even get a word in before you're walking away again to join rafe outside.

"shall we?" you ask, looking up at him through your lashes, as you closed the door behind you.

"just… one more thing," a sly smile comes across his lips, as he reaches into his back pocket to pull out a black blindfold.

you stare at it, your mouth agape. "you're kidding, right?"

he shrugs, "i want it to be a surprise."

you groan, but give in anyway. "fine. but if i trip in these heels because i can't see where i'm going, consider us broken up for good."

he laughs at the threat, even though a part of him was afraid you still wouldn't forgive him after tonight. "you know i won't let that happen. turn around."

you do as he says, and he ties the blindfold around your eyes, before taking your hand in his and leading you down the driveway towards his car parked up on the curb. he opens the door for you, and carefully helps you into the passenger seat, before closing the door and rounding the car to get in the driver's seat.

the second the engine comes on, your romantic taylor swift playlist plays through the car's speakers.

"you didn't," you say. he would always complain when you had aux because she was all you'd ever play.

"i guess she's not too bad," rafe shrugs, chuckling as you began singing along to the lyrics of wildest dreams.

rafe continued driving through the island for another ten or fifteen minutes, before he finally pulled the car to a stop in front of his family's beach house on the edge of figure eight, completely secluded from everything else.

he gets out of the car first, and helps you out, taking your hand in his to lead you through the house and out to the back porch.

"are you ready?" he leans in towards your ear, and goosebumps rise along your skin at his proximity.

you nod, and he reaches his hands up to the back of your head to untie the blindfold.

it takes a little while for your eyes to adjust, but once they do, a feeling of warmness fills your heart at the sight in front of you.

red rose petals were scattered in the sand of the private beach, along with fairy lights, a candlelit table for two set up in the center of it all, as acoustic instrumentals of taylor's best love songs played through the speaker situated on the porch.

"you like it?" he asked.

you turn your head to look at him. "rafe, i… it's perfect."

"that's what i was going for," he shrugs smugly, and nods his head towards the set up. "come on."

you both remove your shoes, before he takes your hand in his again and leads you down the back porch to the table in the middle of the beach.

"i can't believe you did this for me," you say, as he pulls a chair out for you to sit in.

"i'd do anything for you," he smiles, taking the seat across from you once you're seated.

—

after a three course dinner and a bottle of wine, which was all served to the both of you by a waiter that rafe hired from the country club, the night slowly came to an end, an endless amount of stars filling the night sky above you.

but while you were focused on the stars, rafe was focused on you.

"god, you're beautiful," he says, causing you to look at him now.

you chuckle, "shut up."

"no, i'm fucking serious," he replied, standing up from his seat.

you watched him carefully as he walked over to you, and held a hand out.

you glance at his hand and tilt your head up at him, "what are you doing?"

"dance with me," he says.

"you're asking me to dance?" you raise a brow at him.

"mhm," he nods. "you gonna say yes?"

"well how can i say no?" you reply, a small smile forming on your lips as you put your hand in his.

he leads you a few feet away from the table, and rests a firm hand on your waist, as you trail a hand up to his shoulder.

he locks his eyes with yours as you both begin swaying to taylor's timeless, and scans your face.

"what?"

he shakes his head, "i don't deserve you..."

"rafe…"

"but i'm gonna do everything i can to make sure i become the kind of guy who does," he cuts me off. "i want to be better, y/n. not only for you, but for myself too."

you smile, and pull him closer, your hand snaking to the back of his head.

"i'm sorry for being such an ass the last few months," he says, and you close my eyes, taking the moment in as he continues. "i know i haven't deserved all the chances you've given me, but i'm not gonna disappoint you again. i want to be the guy you think i am."

you pull away, just enough to have your eyes lock with his.

"you are that guy, rafe," you tell him, and you mean it. "you just need to let him show more."

he smiles, "you're pretty damn amazing, you know that?"

"so i've been told," you shrug jokingly.

he chuckles. "i love you, y/n."

"i love you too."

reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated <33

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[unlovablelover]

ghh imagine if the reader got worried about Mr Crawling bruising his knees and asked him if he trusts them before picking him up and carrying him bridal with no issue. i love strong reader + tall character who happens to be pick upable

he's going to be so confused fr when it happens. i mean, the reader/mc i have in mind is probably (not even probably, it's true that they're big ass boys and tower over reader/mc no matter what) just a short little murder midget. well, as long as you have a strong belief in something, you're able to do whatever you want, no? so i live for short reader/mc filled with way too much willpower for their own good and what better way to use it other than caring for your humongous creepy yet cute monster bf, no?

enough said, i hope u enjoy this one. i whipped this up around 3 am bcz i woke up and didn't feel like going back to sleep. pls overlook the mistakes

Caring and Carrying

Mr. Crawling

Ever since you decided to remain in this ghostly building, there hasn't been much to do except walk around. It's safer to remain in the room Mr. Silvair had provided you with, that much was true, but the boredom was so overwhelming to the point you thought - well, if you're going to eventually die in this place, better not be out of boredom, right? And so, you walk, accompanied by the crawling being behind you. Who else if not the one you call Mr. Crawling, forever loyal wherever you go.

All you could hear were the sounds of your footsteps and the rustling fabric of his yukata as it dragged on the concrete floor. How long has it been since you've started walking? Who knows, it's hard to keep track of time here. Must be long enough if your legs started to hurt, but you prevailed. Your crawling friend? Not so much. The rustling sound grew faint and slower, until it stopped completely. Noticing that, you turn to look at him, who was looking back at you with an apologetic expression.

"Clothes broken," he mumbled out in reasoning as he ripped off a small hanging part at the end of his yukata, wanting to make sure it didn't hinder his movements any longer. However, your eyes caught on to something after he ripped his clothes - there was a blood trail behind him, yet you don't recall any monster attacks. Was he injured?

"You hurt?" You point out the blood seeping on the floor, and you notice that it leaked from him - or more specifically, his knees. He looked almost startled, immediately sitting in a way where you wouldn't be able to see the bleeding cuts and bruises on his knees.

"Me okay." He tried to divert your attention by crawling closer to you, reaching out to hold your hand in an attempt to assure you he was fine. It wasn't that he was lying, he really was okay - he was accustomed to the damage after crawling for god knows how long. It's not something rare and definitely not something to fuss about too, he thinks.

As you stare at him, the gears in your head struggled to come up with a proper solution to the problem. On one hand, you didn't want to stop to rest knowing there were monsters around threatening to appear at any second. On the other, you didn't want to cause any more injuries to your loyal companion. You stood with empty eyes for a good while as you thought, making him worry about you as he tilts his head in confusion.

"Me carry you. Can? Cannot?"

"...Can?" His answer was more of a question. He didn't think you'd be able to carry him. The questioning tone completely flew over your head though because all you needed was his trust to do what you wanted to do. That, he had a lot. He trusts you know what you're doing.

And so, you walk to stand behind him - one arm sliding under his knees and the other propping his back up as you carry him, bridal-style. The sudden feeling of being picked up surprised him, causing him to unintentionally writhe around to the point it made the both of you almost lose balance.

"Carry you, not hurt. Us walk," was your reassurance, securing him in your hold as you began walking. Surprisingly, he was lighter than what you expected - or perhaps it was just your immense willpower that gave you the strength you needed? Who cares, as long as he wasn't hurting anymore.

The large man in your arms couldn't do much except nod in a daze, slowly relaxing and leaning into your warmth as he rests his head on the top of your own. While he didn't want you to worry about him, he can't deny that it felt good to be cared for in such a way. His famous giggle rings out as he rubs his cheek against your head, showing that he liked his current situation.

"Me like, grateful."

With him in your arms, you continue your endless walk.

[hypnotized-kittens]

favorite ships and ur headcanons for them? :3

Of course beautiful ✨🤭(⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

I should never trought that someone whould ever ask me for a ship , but well whatever Let's goOOoO

•Chad♥️Bryce

-ok first of all I want to say that the both of them really complement each other in some way , I mean , Chad it's Definitely the kind of lover who is willing to kill and die for his bf ; while Bryce is calm enough to understand and possibly accept someone so dramatic and insecure like Chad ( and Being capable of doing whatever it takes for him ) . Chad it's aware of the problems with money of Bryce so he always tries to help him with something 's : like the money :D . They have a secret relationship because they are scared that the other students whould bully them for that , or even their own clique ( mostly because I have the hc that the preps have grew up in homophobic families and they don't know how they Will react ) . Chad's dog doesn't really like Bryce so when He approaches Chad, Chester starts barking as if he was satan himself . Once he almost bites his nutz . He ended up bitting Chad nutz instead . It hurtalot babsbbsjssjjsjsjsjsjsnxlwjfvbfjdkdjd.

•Derby♥️Jhonny ( Dirtmoney )

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH , I love and feel ankward everytime I see this ship and their content, it's just prettyy and aoaoaiksoa

-they arlready felt a tention everytime they saw each other , so slowly but surely they fall in a crazy yet stupidly hot love . Everytime someone else aproaches to one of them , the other comes from begind the nowere and hugs from begind or kisses the neck with a " no maam , look for another " face . Derby often just goes and surround His arms over Jhonny's chest , He gets easily blushed with that and the preppie débil knows it ;⁠) . They have to meet in secret cuz ✨ SocIaL STatUs ✨. Derby still feels something strange about being with Jhonny (gay from the closet moment), but he doesn't give it that much importance. Jhonny, on the other hand, is surprised that his worst enemy was even More faithful than Lola, he's a bit closed off with affection to look like "the king of Bullworth," but sometimes he just can't help but blush too much around him.

•Beatrice♥️Dan

-Just happened, don't look at me like that . The " social ankward and LET'S FUCKING GOOOO " couple . Beatrice arlready had a crush on Dan when he was a nerd . He didn't notice after he became a jock . Dan truly treated her different in comparison with other nerds. Every time Beatrice does something clumsy to Dan, he has a fit because of so much tenderness, even though it doesn't show that much. Dynamic duo: they have each other's back. Once a greaser started bothering Beatrice too much, Dan spawned out of nowhere and hit him in the balls so hard that it literally made him scream like he was being killed. They often receive disapproval from their peers but they don't give a shit . For some strange reason Mandy no longer harasses Bea like before (⁠✿⁠☉⁠｡⁠☉⁠). And even stranger, the nerds are even nicer to Dan than before (well, everyone except Earnest).

•Gord♥️ Vanceeee

-I love it I love it please be eternal my dear god's . Hair and clothes combo , chaotic neutral bf's . Chances are, their friends and other students have seen them kiss or get too affectionate at some point, but most of them doesn't surprise or even cared very much because they saw it come in some point ( the first time was just "oh u are dating ? Cool now let me go back to my ordinary life" thing ) . Fruity in equallity , but Gord it's the blushingboys Maschine n° 9000 for Excellence . Vance has to stand on tiptoe to kiss Gord , It's small but tremendous. Gord definitely punched an old karen in the face just for a discount jacket as a gift for Vance. His greaser boyfriend had to defend him and end up saying: " Babe I love you and all that but you gotta admit even I have limits " . ( Ok he whould never say that but whatever ) .

EXTRA : •Melody♥️Pedro

- Don't cancel me please , I just think they look very cute together . Like , the happiest kid with the child with possible anxiety couple that makes drawnings , talk about bees and Make flower crowns that they find out there. Simply adorable (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡

(⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)⁠♥

( I should Make clear this are not REALLY my true ships and I just enter on panic ? Maybe I should do this sh1t again)

[doshiart]

🖤 Weekly Tag Wednesday 🖤

This week's tag game is a mishmash, a ragbag, a hodgepodge -if you will - of questions from the group. Thanks for the tag, @jrooc ! 🖤

🔠 Name: just doshi

🌀How do you pronounce your own Tumblr handle in your head?

doshiart? nothing special except that I still add 'art' as part of the nickname

🪟 When you look out the window right now what do you see?

only grayness now

💼 What is the most unusual profession someone in your family was in?

uhh idk, my aunt gives massage

🎨 What hobby were you really into as a kid?

Drawing (it didn't worked out for me, I was upset and often droped it, but hey look where I am now). Photography, usually of nature or animals. Also a lot of crafting things: quilling, embroidery with thread or beads, polymer clay modeling, made friendship bracelets, scrapbooking greeting cards (I tried to make them just like my mom did), little felt toys,,, *scratching my head* Ohhh! I also loved so much dolls. I sewed clothes for them, made furniture, took photographs. It was fun.

🔍 First autofill google result when you type 'How can I...?'

'How can I Help You?' song by Kevin Devine

🎶 If you were the main character in a sitcom, what song would be playing during the opening credits?

Alittle. by ROMES (i'm okay)

🎬 What's the last movie you watched? Did you enjoy it? What genre is it?

Heavy Trip // Yes! It was funny. I once started learning Finnish, so it was fun to find known words. // comedy, music band

🎥 What is your favourite movie genre?

I still can't decide. Drama?

What movie would you recommend?

Probably Blade Runner, both movies. Loved the old one, but Blade Runner 2049 is good too

👯‍♂️ Do your IRL humans know about your fandom life? If you're a creator, do they know you create?

I don't like talking about it, so only my bf and my sister know. btw my sister had a Gallavich era when I was a child lmao. I think it's very nostalgic for her when I show her my arts.

🚣🏼‍♀️If you could do one activity with your pocket/fandom friends what would it be?

Honestly? It's so difficult to imagine because I'm hard to catch lmao. I'm too introverted and probably need to be pinned against a wall and schedule our meeting for a week in advance.

Tagging @lingy910y @crossmydna @mybrainismelted @michellemisfit @heymrspatel @darlingian

[istharoth]

Omdbvaga so ahababnjauana. It's the anon who weak for romeoxkaito.Sorry to get to you so late but the new cards is just *chef kiss*. I joked with my friends that Romeo one sided love has progress when it from stalker/hunter to grave visitor/burier lmao. Actually I procrastinating much so I only got to the start of chap 9 and you know what.

(spoiler)

So like, Romeo been hunting kaito down for half a year????? No wae you kidding me. Wdym you've been following this man half a year n u don't know his schedule(Romeo affinity chat). Like you know Romeo always talk about how he busy n all but he got the time to carry his gun walking around campus searching for his lil prey "Kaito~" 🤨. Bro not subtle AT ALL. Like honestly atp I think he go to sleep every night thinking about how he should search for kaito tomorrow.

Ngl feeling like the hunting is just game of tag to them. Like you know the instance of Romeo catching Kaito is not rare like despite all that hunting kaito still crawl back to the casino and Romeo just happen to be "busy". How many times do you think kaito got in that cage lmao 😂. Like the chap 3 time probably not a new experience for him. "Kaito gifted this frostheim brooch to me"<- Romeo lie. Nah girl we know how u want to wear ur bf clothes(actually it may have to do with him wanting to get into frostheim but iykyk)

Can I have a name? Like 🍉 anon(or you can call me darling mwah mwah)

🍉ANON!!! REAL! THE NEW CARDS ARE SO SGIJHKBSV

I've re-read the chapters a few days ago and like literally sixth sense when it comes to Kaito.

Two of my favourite panels in the game actually. (AND HIS EYES ARE SCRONFUL ALMOST? Like why?) Back in the prologue if the MC says the veil was a heirloom from their mother, Kaito responds with 'Oh! I have something like that too,' likely referencing to his pendant as that's the only thing he can't give up.

off topic, but he's so pretty it's actually insane

AND YEAH, THE WEARING HIS BROOCH(?) LIKE HELLO? Obvious much, (though I didn't notice it until Ritsu pointed it out either ngl,, too busy staring at his pretty face,)

(and what was the reason to keep him naked, except in his underwear- like Romi I love you, but wtf?) AND THE HALF-YEAR THING, I assume he'd be busy with the casino, but we also gotta consider Kaito, because he's not liked(?) (not sure if that's the right word to used) within Frostheim, so I doubt anyone in Frostheim could've known what his schedule was.

[They parallel, almost. People are fearful of Romi, people aren't fond of Kaito.] + Kaito is pretty jumpy but he still manages to kick back at Romeo's words, like, is Romeo scarier than anomalies or do you just gain confidence around the man?

ROMEO'S A GOOD SHOOTER, we saw that many times, but he's never really shot at Kaito, despite the chances to. I'd argue it was just cause of the debt but Sinostra is also implied to have an organ harvesting system. (It would actually be really easy to hide it because Romeo oversees all the surveillance in the casino with anomaly cameras [based on one of his affinity chats iirc]

AND LIKE DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE NEW EP

Him just looking from afar :( I know that wasn't supposed to be a threat, the "stay away from Natalie Hunt" but I still find it cute that he stayed behind watching the four.

Leading to more parallels, Kaito supposedly, likely comes from a rich family, based on the clues anyway and the Lucci family was a hot-topic + rich before they went into flames (according to Taiga and Yuri anyway) soooo rags to riches? except Kaito turned to gambling so they've taken different paths. (adding with the Kaito likely didn't grow up rich, he only ever talks about his grandma so he likely lived with her)

(always had this conception he grew up in the countryside with his grandmother, and when he came to the city, he started becoming trendy to fit in?)

(maybe it's just me but that insignia lowkey looks like a seraphim.)

+ bonus

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep. 4 Rewatch Thoughts Pt. 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Ok Rain, you and I both know you didn't sleep through this honey

Phayu looks unconvinced as well lmao - do you see this eyebrow raise?

Slightly controversial opinion, but I actually love that I occasionally hear fabric rustling and other mic interference. It adds a messy and fun element to the scenes that make them feel more real to me. Here, we heard what is probably Phayu's shirt slide against the mic as he leans into Rain.

The first time I watched this, I had to pause and raise my eyebrows ngl. Supremely unprepared for this relatively simple sequence and in the end highkey felt like I got slapped in the face (but in a funny way).

Boss looks so intense and good here

Taking it from the top

down

down

down

(including this shot bc wow Boss has big hands)

and...

(we just got to the halfway point y'all... whew)

I've never heard of this seduction technique before. Phayu, you might be the only one this works on (I feel seduced but not in a sexy way, more like if I was a cat I'd make biscuits on Rain's tummy)

I don't have a whole lot of commentary on this part aside from they're both adorable and I love the way Phayu likes to drag Rain physically closer to him whenever they talk. I think physical touch is really important to Phayu and I love how Rain basically preens under the attention every time Phayu touches him

I have literally seen this 12 times. Every time I'm like OMFG THEY ARE ABOUT TO KISSSSSSSS

But NO, freaking P' Saifah couldn't wait outside for one more minute. At least he has the decency to give them a countdown do-over. Phayu looks like he considering the merits of ending his twin while Rain is just distressed. I love how they framed these shots of P' Saifah with his body physically dividing the screen between Phayu and Rain's faces which are blurry in the background. This drama uses physical blocking very creatively in my opinion.

P' Saifah I'm going to reach through the nth dimension just to SHAKE YOU I mean seriously how could you not see Phayu and Rain were having a MOMENT

But it does lead to this stellar headpat so I'm not too mad (the 7th one in the series, if I'm not mistaken), plus Rain's praise kink gets activated (seriously, just watch him reminisce about the headpat that just happened)

AHHHH Rain looks SO HAPPY to see that Phayu wrote him a lil note and helped him out - I mean it's no wonder Phayu would bend over backwards just to put that expression on Rain's face from here on out

Including this shot to praise the lighting directors bc it's beautiful, as is our hard at work Rain

I think it could have been really cool if they had Rain use his lucky triangle ruler thing (that Phayu gave him) here, bc that would have been an extra layer of symbolism. I think if they were going to include it as a serendipitous plot point, it would have been better to introduce it this way rather than stick it in a glass case.

GOOD WORK BBY!!! Your reward comes later though

AND the first thing he thinks of after is...

LOOK at him being a responsible student! He's only got two left and then he's doneeeeee (unlike me, I still have so much to do lmao and yet here I am) - (OK I wrote this earlier part two days ago and at the time of writing this sentence I am DONEEE so me *join hands emoji* Rain: done with finals)

My plans for the next 48 hours:

Except this boy gets revived at the thought of seeing his pseudo-bf and runs immediately bolts out of bed 2 seconds later. Ngl if I had a Phayu I'd probably do the same, but since I'm a single pringle it's just me and my clean sheets

Ok, now where have we seen almost this exact color combo before?? Mayhaps you can scroll up a couple pictures...

Basically, I think this is the production crew's way of telling you Rain's about to get smooched by Phayu. Also Rain's changed clothes from the previous scene so he really cleaned up to go to the garage awww

I love that Rain tells himself he should be using this time to sleep, then shrugs at himself and goes to Phayu anyway. Priorities, priorities

Yay, P' Saifah is here to guide Rain to Phayu!! The in-laws are getting a lot of interaction these days hehe. Also look at how eager Rain looks here - full on puppy mode (I met a cockapoo puppy named Molly today so I know my comparison is accurate)

I like that P' Saifah is talking Phayu up to Rain - not that Rain needs any more convincing that Phayu is the coolest mechanic ever. It's the thought that counts though.

For some reason, this shot of Rain and this shot of Phayu make me laugh. Rain's just standing there like some guy when we all know he's thee guy and Phayu is making the "this is so sus" face

The interaction between the three of them right after is so funnyyy - my favorite part is P' Saifah calling his big bro out - this is prime younger sibling behavior. Also Phayu pretending to be a grump - he's just kiss deprived is all (that problem is about to be solved tho)

I also like how I though Rain was going to be the possessive one but Phayu is out here with raised hackles even though P' Saifah is just being friendly to press his buttons (again, prime little sibling behavior). Please observe how pleased Rain looks about this though!

Me + P' Saifah: Phayu you're a SIMP

Ok I like that they included this shot of PhayuRain for no discernable reason (bc it cuts to them walking over to the other part of the garage right after it) other than to show us Phayu looking at Rain fondly with his eyebrows raised

I also love how Rain immediately reports that his work is done (likely so he could get praised) but then Phayu counters with "did you sleep?" to which the answer is no. Rain's like "ahhh we can't win with this one uff" (don't worry bff, your reward is en route)

On to part 4!! I'm hoping it's the last one or none of you are gonna want to read it (this is a lie, there are 5 parts bc I have no self control when it comes to taking screenshots of PhayuRain)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

[blindchandelure]

Hello! 🔥🧡🍀 for the asks 💕💕

🔥 - previously answered here.

🧡 - How has the way you presented yourself (ex. Clothing, hairstyle, etc.) changed since you realized you were queer?

I don't think it's changed at all! Except for the fact that I own a pride shirt now lol.

I think one of the things that held me back, from realizing I was bi, was this dumb idea I had in my head about sexual orientation and gender presentation.

I was like: "women who like women are supposed to dress in a masculine/butch way. I don't want to dress that way. Therefore I must be straight!"

...as it turns out, a woman can love boys in skirts, girls in skirts, and wearing skirts. 😂

🍀 - What thoughts or emotions that didn’t make sense to your past self make sense now that you know you’re queer?

There's so much, holy shit.

One of the big ones was like...I adamantly refused to drink alcohol during the year and a half that I lived with my friend and her bf. People would ask me why I felt so strongly about it. Was I religious/morally opposed? No. It was fine for everyone else in the house to do it, but it wasn’t fine for me.

Well....my friend was bi. And she was the type of person who gets extremely physically affectionate when drunk. I eventually realized that I was scared she would try to kiss me (....and that I would let her.) I didn't want to be a homewrecker.

And then the lightbulb went off, like, wow, straight women are not terrified that they will 'accidentally' make out with their friends if they get too drunk..... 💡😳

[bishiglomper]

JFC I'M GONNA DIIIIE

AUUUGH

too many spoons, too many spoooooooons

I think the only time I was in my chair today was that 1.5 hours I was crocheting

I started my day making coffee for me and my sister, lost hers, had to remake it... lots of added steps. If there's more than 2 cups of coffee I gotta empty and refill the reservoir and it just adds steps.

We went out to the farmers market. Uhhh we went shopping at Walmart for last minute stuff. Stopped by another store. Was gone for over an hour. Maybe 2.

When we came home the baby was asleep so i was her bed for maybe half an hour. I was in my chair then. Sister used the free time to wrap presents.

Baby woke up. Passed her off. I stressed about needing to do something productive. There's only 3 more days left and we're way behind on our baking lmao

So I made reindeer pops. Like 40 of em. I was struggling the last leg of it. Then mom and I made spritz cookies. I threw together a gift for my tarot friend.

I found I had a duplicate copy of this Japanese movie I liked so imma give her that. Plus cocoa and earl grey to try in it. A cocoa kit with mug. Two little 3d printed soot sprite magnets.

For one of her kids I gt a yarn set with like 12 mini skeins of different colors. Perfect for learning amigurumi probably.

I didn't want to leave the other kid out but I don't know her as well. But I know she's the green thumb in that family. Works in the college green house. Propagates all sorts of things at home.

I had these two little air plants in witch hat pots. I'm not good at taking care of plants soooo. Yay, a gift for the other kid! Got all three, yes!

That's when I took a break and crocheted for an hour while my sister wrapped presents

Then I wrapped more presents. I took 2 bins worth of stuff and got it under the tree

And then i cleaned up the disaster zone that was the dining room because my sister is a tornado in and of herself. Wrapping shit all over. Two tables covered and bins of stuff on the floor, I don't know how they have all this spread out so much.

Lol for some reason I thought I was gonna be able to tidy up the bathroom but my body was screaming by the time I started to finish up the downstairs.

I wanna do shit so bad!! The living room needs tidying again. There's 3 areas that have shit stacked that need to be moved to a different floor.

The upstairs stack is like 10 grocery bags of litter that needs to be disposed of...

The main floor has like... I don't even know. It's faded into the room as a clutter mountain. Clothes baskets of stuff. A fan. Boxes. Who knows.

And there's a line of like 6 boxes by the basement of shit that needs to go down.

Sigh. Which I would do... except that the basement IS a hoarders hole and there's nowhere to set anything new down.

But lol I let niece bring her bf over the other night.

As she was waiting for him she suddenly realized the living room was messy. Nothing too bad. 10 minutes work.

I asked why she suddenly had a bug up her butt. She never cleans wtf.

She said her boyfriend was a neat freak. The living room was bad enough to be giving her anxiety over it. I told her to just tell him we're slobs and he'd just need to accept it pffft

But anyway. I helped pick up

And then I'm like

Oh... I hope he won't need the bathroom 👀 😬

Looool the disgust/panic on her face was great. Then with a fortifying growl she ran upstairs for a few minutes. Came running down the stairs with TWO garbage bags of cat pee soaked clothes. All from the bathroom.

I think she tried to organize a tiny bit. There were loofahs stored away weird lol

But she made a huuuuuge dent just with the clothes and everything is gross so she gets a gold star.

When i go to try to fix the bathroom, it's mostly going to be me shoving anything on the floor covered in grime just in a box and shoving all the other random boxes back under the sink. There will be gloves needed.

Such high hoooooopes

Am excited for Christmas eve.

We're just doing our party snackies in jammies but I invited tarot friend and the kids. I hope we can hang out properly.

More excited for those 2 hours than Christmas 🤣

[milomilesmib]

Just found your acc and I'm doing all of these thanks ❤️

😎: I actually have really specific nationalities for my characters! Carmine and Amber are Chinese-Malaysian. Sunny is Canadian-American. Sage is Indian-South African-American. Azure is the only one I don't have the specifics ironed out for, mostly cause they're an orphan, but Mediterranean roots. Periwinkle is Libyan-American.

🩸: Carmine gets anxiety but is stone faced. Amber isn't paying attention but he screams in lowercase when there's a scary part. Sunny falls asleep. Sage has to bury her face in Carmine. Azure just kind of watches without reaction and then afterwards signs what they thought. Periwinkle laughs.

🧠: Carmine doesn't really listen to music, EXCEPT for Mitski and mxmtoon and some Conan Gray. She WILL cry at Family Line. Amber is an avid Harry Styles listener. Sunny is an avid "lo-fi beats to study and relax to listener" but he's also a big fan of Ghibli soundtracks. Sage is a fan of heavy metal but will listen to anything. Azure gets overwhelmed by music but they like tadpoles lullaby. Periwinkle doesn't really have a favourite genre but she prefers it when music is playing.

🥐: now that I think about it, none of my OCs are musicians, but Amber is a casual dancer!

💧: this is actually one of the first things I figured out about each character! Carmine is scared of the dark. Amber is scared of heights. Sunny is scared of spiders. Sage is scared of being alone. Azure is afraid of failure. Periwinkle is afraid of death.

🌮: for Carmine, those REALLY spicy noodles that burn your mouth. For Amber, fries (it was almost all he ate during his eating disorder). For Sunny, also fries (since they're Amber's bf) or pancakes since they ate pancakes the day after Sunny was introduced. For Sage, fruits and veggies. For Azure, not technically a food but ramune soda. For Periwinkle, a Libyan pasta dish I forget the name of (it's her comfort food)

🍓: Carmine and Amber grew up in a strict "NO PETS" household, but Amber was friends with every stray he encountered. Sunny has a pet frog currently, but his first pet was a golden retriever that was old when he was little. Sage never had pets. Azure was homeless for a good chunk of their life so they also never had pets but they like seagulls. Periwinkle probably had like a snake or something at one point.

💰: Well, during the story, they're all teenagers on the road with very little money, so they're all a bit anxious about it. Specifically though: Carmine is very smart with money. She knows what to save and what to spend. Amber is very reckless. Sunny grew up in a struggling household, so he always wants to be spending as little money as possible. Sage is neutral. She doesn't spend too much but she spends a good amount. Azure is so used to being broke they don't even care about money. Periwinkle is the same as Sunny, but she treats herself more often.

🧊: Carmine wants to learn more Cantonese because she wants to feel more connected to her family's culture. Her parents were very adamant about leaving it behind, but that isn't what she wants. She knows a little ASL. Amber is learning ASL to communicate better with Azure (who is nonverbal). Sunny knows French, since his lifelong childhood friend knew very little English when they met. Sage knows some ASL for Azure's sake. Azure knows ASL, but they didn't learn it until they met Periwinkle. Periwinkle casually knows like five languages, including ASL, but only enough to hold basic conversations.

💗: Carmine is a flannel girlie. Amber is a hoodie guy. Sunny is a "wears anything" guy. Sage likes sweaters. Azure detests the feeling of heavy clothes on their torso. Periwinkle is always wearing a turtleneck.

⚽: Carmine is an axe thrower. Amber is a dancer. Sunny doesn't like sports. Sage is very bad at cheerleading but loves it. Azure is a swimmer. Periwinkle doesn't care for sports, but she's very strong.

💚: for Carmine, it's REALLY fancy udon or ramen. So much stuff in it she gets overwhelmed. It's heaven for them. For Amber, it's fries and granola bars. Again, it's all he used to eat when he was struggling with anorexia. For Sunny, it's sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies. Picnic style. For Sage, it's fancy salads with nuts, avocado, dressing, seeds, greens, fruits, honey, even rice. For Azure, it's literally anything they're offered. They don't get a lot of texture issues once the thing enters their mouth, weirdly enough. For Periwinkle, it's pasta.

⚔️: Carmine and Amber were both victims of bullying and abuse growing up, which I think speaks for itself. Sunny beat up a guy for being a transphobe. Sage doesn't fight. Azure doesn't fight. Periwinkle doesn't remember, but she knows she's fucked some people up.

🟥: For Carmine, Arsonist's Lullaby. Also the sound of ears ringing for some reason. For Amber, it's gotta be CPR or any Harry Styles song. For Sunny, Humpty. For Sage, Lucky One by Mich. For Azure, Tadpoles Lullaby. For Periwinkle, Too Sweet.

🎊: using AO3 tags for this. Carmine likes hurt and comfort. Amber likes smut (he pretends it's ironic but it's unironic). Sunny likes fantasy and soft romance. Sage likes romance and history. Azure likes anything but isn't one for romance. Periwinkle's books have more words in annotation than in the story.

🌊: Carmine hates the idea of organs. She associates them with gore, so thinking about the fact that they're currently inside her is weird. For Amber, it's food. For Sunny, it's anything sexual, especially without consent (SA survivor). For Sage, not much makes her "squeamish," but she's uncomfortable with arguments. For Azure it's remembering their clothes are touching their skin, and also plastic. For Periwinkle, it's grease when she didn't know there was grease.

🍪: I don't know many pokemon but like,,, I think Carmine would like Blazecon or whatever his name is. Amber would obsess over the eeveelutions. Sunny would just like eevee. Sage would like the green bell plant one that looks like the pea shooter from plants vs zombies. Azure would like magicarp purely because they find it funny. Periwinkle would like any weird looking purple one.

☂️: Carmine would murder the person who tied others to the tracks. Amber would be so uncaring he'd kill the 5 just for the heck of it. Sunny would kill the one person. Sage would cry. Azure would do nothing. Periwinkle has thought this out extensively and would run over the five people.

🙄: for Carmine, basically everything. For Amber, sexism and purity culture. For Sunny, 🍇 culture. For Sage, miscommunication. For Azure, unnecessary violence. For Periwinkle, also everything.

🐢: Carmine would stand awkwardly. Amber would dance and flirt. Sunny would stand awkwardly with Carmine and watch Amber. Sage would have her hand over her drink so much she wouldn't get the chance to drink it. She's also shaking. Azure would leave immediately. Periwinkle would get into a heated debate with someone over drinks.

🎀: Carmine gets agitated. Amber goes quiet and shaky. Sunny gets extremely aggressive. Sage freezes and cries. Azure stares into space. Periwinkle gets agitated.

🎹: Carmine is constantly trying, but cannot. Amber can. Sunny can't and doesn't try. Sage can. Azure can. Periwinkle can't and couldn't care less.

🖤: Carmine likes chewelry. Amber likes The Slug for the noises. Sunny likes the clicky ones that you can make shapes with. Sage likes baby sensory videos. Azure just likes water and stress balls because texture. Periwinkle also likes stress balls, because stress.

Oddly Specific OC Ask Game

😎 - What real world nationality is your OC based off of or most resemble?

🩸 - What type of person is your OC when watching a horror movie?

🧠 - What is your OC’s favorite music genre? Is it an IRL favorite of yours?

🥐 - Does your OC play any instruments? If so, which one(s)?

💧  - What is your OC’s phobia or phobias?

🌮 - What’s the first food that comes to mind when thinking of your OC?

🍓 - What is your OC’s first pet?

💰 - How is your OC about money?

🧊 - What languages does your OC speak?

💗 - Is your OC a sweater or turtleneck person?

⚽️ - What IRL sport would your OC be obsessed with?

💚- What is your OC’s favorite food? What is their least favorite food?

⚔️ - What is the first fight your OC got in?

🟥 - When thinking of your OC what is the first song that comes to mind?

🎊 - What genre of books does your OC like?

🌊 - What makes your OC squeamish?

🍪 - Your OC has been introduced to Pokémon. What is their favorite pokémon now?

☂️ - How would your OC answer the trolley problem?

🙄 - What about the IRL world would anger your OC the most?

🐢 - Your OC is at a club, what do they do there?

🎀 - What’s your OC’s most common response to traumatic or frightening situations?

🎹 - Can your OC roll their tongue?

🖤 - What would your OC’s favorite IRL fidget toy be?

[apocllipse]

bakugou taking you shopping and spoiling you 😫

you sent this months ago, m sorry for getting to you so late but life happens so i hope you understand

pairing: rich bf! bakugou x fm!reader

word count: 628

he will he will !!

doesn't see the point of having so much money if he can't even let his partner have fun with it.

yk those tiktoks of guys taking pics of whatever their partner touches on the shelves while shopping?? yeah he's that bf EXCEPT he put them in the cart immediately instead of taking a pic 😩 you might have to physically put them away yourself if you don't actually want it cause he thinks you're just saying no to save his money and shit. will pout and glare at you the whole time you're emptying the cart from things you actually don't need.

"why the fuck did you take out 14 items from the cart" he huffs while pouting

"'cause i don't need 7 kinds of mascara and 7 different kinds of eyeliner!"

also asks you to make a pinterest board of the style you love recently to help you pick out clothes while shopping. if he will be overseas for some mission and he sees some accessory or some certain type of fabric or dress that you had saved in your board he will buy it on spot. at times you may forget what you had saved in that board but he will 100% remember it just to have a chance to come across something you love and spoil you.

"didn't you save this top on your board"

"huh?? i did?? omg babe you remember!"

"course i fuckin' do baby, gonna tell you if i see something else from there again" HEART EYES FRFR

clings to your waist when you're looking through clothes and whispers what he thinks in your ear.

"hmm think this will go well with the skirt i got earlier, right?"

"yeah, it's so hot baby, you will look so good, always do my pretty baby"

he will catch you holding two things and contemplating which one to get cause you love both of them and he will just come over, grab both of them and put it in your cart. it always leaves you speechless.

never lets you contemplate, if you like two of them you get two of them.

if you like six of them then you get six of them.

"which one do you think look better suki?"

"s' hard to decide for you baby, everything looks good on ya" grabs both of the dresses you'd just tried on that you were holding in your hands and puts them in the cart and looks SOO proud while he walks away with it and you just stand there like 🧍🏻‍♀️😦

looks for chances to take you shopping, he's just so desperate to show you his love in every way. it's the weekend? how about going to the various brand stores and look what's new and perhaps let your big rich bf get it for you? holiday? shopping. festival? shopping. made plans to go out with friends? how about getting a new outfit for that day!

he will also hide the price tags with his hands if you keep looking at them. let's say you love this dress but by the fabric of the dress alone you can tell it costs enough to not have a second thought before dropping it.

"looks so pretty baby, let's get it"

"-but it looks a little too.."

he sighs as he takes the dress from your hands and you both look at the price tag, your eyes almost pop out of their sockets at the big bold $80,000

"i thought you said its expensive" he scoffs as he walks ahead with the dress in his hands and an arm circling around your waist and you're just left looking up at him with your jaw kissing the core of the earth.

rich bf things 😮‍💨

tagging: @iiilovemilfs @katsukis1wife @beanieesbnha

drop your @ to be added in my taglist !

[soullikethesea]

Bf, growing up

He's been in my thoughts a lot, especially since the post I wrote about the reproductive action system. Just... memories. Memories everywhere.

Bf played a major role in my life, especially when I was growing up. I trusted my teacher in the final years of primary school a lot and she let me visit her at home. So I would walk her dogs, do groceries for her, hang out.

Her son would also often be there. He worked at school too, by watching over the kids during breaks. So I played rough-housing a lot with him. I was desperate for touch and attention, which is why I always sought out situations like that. My teacher would also have me on her lap like 40% of the time, because I just... needed it so so much.

She fell ill and I knew I couldn't count on her anymore. I had to be strong. But her son was still there. We started emailing every day, until I got my first cellphone and we would call every day.

The emails were mainly about the bullying at school. The phone calls were about every possible thing. We called every day for 2 - 3 hours.

And that's how it came to be that he played such a huge role. I felt like I could talk to him about anything. Until I was ten, I'd always taken baths, but then I wanted to switch to showers. Except that I couldn't figure out how to make them the right temperature - he told me. (My mum didn't know, my dad never showed me). He explained me how to deal with menstruation (same story). He gifted me my first razor when I decided I wanted to shave my legs (same story).

He helped out in practical ways like that. When it became obvious that my mum wanted me to cook dinner all the time, he gifted me a card that I could use to buy sandwiches for myself. When my mum left me alone for weeks to go on holiday by herself, he came over with a huge bundle of keys so we could figure out how to buy a key that would fit the lock on my door. After that I could finally stop her from barging in all the time!

He shaped my personality and my worldview in a lot of ways. He's the one who set me an ultimatum after years of trying to stop SH - if you can't stop SH in six months, you have to go to a therapist. (That was the start of therapy for me).

He told me every day that my parents are complete idiots, that I am special and valuable. That I deserve good things. That they are wrong about me. That he would kill them for me if he had the chance.

It was all obviously tied up in his narcissistic personality disorder, but at the same time I'm pretty sure he did not have the intention to harm me. For him, I was a source of admiration. Someone he could trust, because we were not on equal footing, but also because I was a child. Innocent, and I would believe him and be loyal to him - always.

Early on, he already told me that we had phone calls and would not meet a lot IRL, because otherwise people could think that he was molesting me. Everyone knew that we were in contact a lot - the school, his mother, my parents. No one cared - or maybe they saw that I got some of the attention that I so desperately needed.

Things got complicated when I was older. He'd always told me a lot about his sex life and whatever was going on. I just thought this was how adults conversed and appreciated being treated like an adult.

As a teenager I was still feeling really stuck and unloved, I was still looking for a big escape. Bf talked his grandmother into letting me stay with her. So I did - it gave me somewhere to run to, something other than the cold streets or the pitying looks of my classmates when I asked if I could crash with them. I was extremely touched when his grandmother expressed that she *liked* me and that she *would miss me*. Wtf. How special was that?!

During the nights, Bf would sneak into the house and lie in bed with me. Fully clothed and on the covers, while I would be under them. It felt so safe. Someone loved me.

It happened more often. I would just not come home and sleep at his place instead. His older brother knew, because they lived together. Maybe his mum knew too. That's when things got more shady. We would sleep under the covers, with some clothes but not much.

It still felt like I could finally sleep and rest. At my house there was so much tension and fear. Here I would be in someone's arms - someone slowly breathing. Someone showing me what life could be about. We got croissants in the morning all the time. I was intrigued by this more grown up world.

It also happened when my mum would go on more trips again, then he slept over at my house. Increasingly often, he would get erections.

Then I'm not so sure what happened. I think I expressed that I was probably not straight, that I had crushes on girls. He responded with the type of rejection that I knew from my dad. Said that I would never be able to make a woman happy, there would always be something missing (literally). That gay people are genetically inferior and that I would never be able to live a good life.

I cut off contact with him, I think.

Until it was years later and I made a plan to end my life. I had still not gotten out of living at home and it was still just as bad. I saw no future, no way out. I met up with him to see him one last time; to say goodbye.

But if you've known someone so intimately, I don't think that ever really goes away. So he saw right through me and realized my plan. He asked me to move in with him instead. And somehow I fell in love, or something like that.

When I moved in with him, it was the first time in my life that no one screamed at me. The first time that I had any semblance of privacy. He talked me into getting devices to masturbate. I'd never done it before.

And that's how it ended up in my first experiences with intimacy. Step by step, and I wanted to want it. I owed him, after all. He saved me. He loved and appreciated me. He was loyal to me.

I'm not so sure if N. was changed in this situation, or if he was like that before already. Bf already knew most parts before we knew we had DID. But living with him is when it became obvious. I had so many flashbacks of the past. Did EMDR in therapy. And lots of parts were out, switching up strategies to be with Bf.

It was ugly. It got messed up. I'm sorry that it all happened. I think it could have been prevented if I had received help to find my own living arrangements.

Several new parts & a super complicated relationship to intimacy and dependency later... I got out.

[theluxuriansecret]

Dear Diary 7.9.2022

12:41 am

Dear diary, the days surely do fly by. So much has happened in what feels like such a short span of time. It's a lot, but because I have neglected to write down my feelings I am currently feeling overwhelmed. I'm really hoping that i can real myself in before I explode. (I'm also on my period, but just because I am doesn't mean my feelings right now in this moment aren't valid)

So, to begin, in may I broke with my boyfriend after the third attempt that month. It was after I got back from vacation. on vacation not only did I get my clothes stolen (and spend practically every night drunk) but I had met this guy on my very last night. After arguing with my bf I decided then and there I was done, and I was going to hook up with this guy. I didn't though, but I did make out with him. That proved to me that I was over him for real. So the day after I got home I told him I was done. It did not go down well. He screamed and he cried and he begged me to love him, but I couldn't, and I didn't and I still don't. I have love for him, I DO love him, but I am not in love with me. Today (or i guess yesterday) he told me he is still waiting for me to tell him I want him back, that I love him and I want him to be my boyfriend. But that's where that ends for right now.

For the past two weeks I have spent basically everyday drowning myself in some distraction. Going to the beach, the fair, to bars, video games, drinking, so much fucking drinking. Literally anything. Which brings to two Fridays ago. I was out at a bar with my friend. I met this guy who seemed sweet. I gave him my # not really thinking about it. And that night he tells me he wants to take me on a date. Fast forward a week after talking and he tells me we should speak on the phone so there isn't much anxiety. And even though our date was set for Saturday it happened that Friday. It went great, or so I thought. IDK. We ended up hooking up. The first person I have been with since my bf. And it ended weird. No one finished and he just sat there, like defeated. There was basically radio silence since that day. He messages me yesterday telling me he had went and enjoyed his birthday vacation with his ex (it wasn't his ex by the way, he's just a cheater) and that he was reconsidering their relationship. Okay. That story is over. It ends just like that. I just hope that when he re-reconsidered he doesn't come crawling in my fucking messages. Fuck That.

Anyway, I went on another date this past Wednesday. It was like okay I guess, good at best. The guy was super sweet and kind. I wanted to hookup him, like I did. But I didn't and I still don't even know why. I also think he is on the Autism spectrum, actually not think, I know. He even mentioned it "he thinks". That doesn't bother me at all though, actually the only thing that bothers me is that he isn't sure (or officially diagnosed) when it's obvious. Unless he was just trying to test out the waters to see how I would react. I do kinda wanna see him again though.

Today was the first Friday in a while that I wasn't out. And idk, I have been in my feelings all day. That guy one can just go back to his girl like that. I mean, I didn't want a relationship with him but I did want a little more fun out of him I guess. It just sucks because I keep looking at my phone hoping he texts me... Sigh, I wanted to experience hookup culture so bad for some reason, but it's not anything like I thought it would be. I think I jumped in too fast. I need to focus on myself and my goals and dreams like I said I would, but here I sit. Unemployed, secretly sad, and finding every and anyway to distract myself. Also I cracked my phone screen so, theres that as well.

I want to take the time away from my ex to find myself, to find hobbies, passions, learn something new. But right now I feel like I have fallen deep into 15 year old me's bad habits. Except I'm older now, and it's so much easier to make bad decisions. I guess you live and you learn though.

SOTD: Girl With No Name - Jules Larson + AG

[asiandra-dash]

Some FNF AUs

I have two AUs here I'm leaving out True Feelings for now because that's currently confusing as hell I was gonna add another but we don't talk about Bruno The Truth Behind the Love and Hate I'm so close to giving up on it but I refuse to because I love Bendy's design and I had an entire story thought out anyways back to the topic

Might update over time

I'm gonna use the split images I used for my blog to separate these two AUs if you're gonna read uh have fun :)

Genshin Impact

This is really long-

Some possible names are Friday Night Impact, Genshin Night Funkin, Genshin Night Impact, Genshin Night Groovin, and another name I forgot that I really liked :(

Characters at the time of this post: Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Pico, Senpai

This is just mostly random info on the AU

First off Senpai x BF isn't canon the art I made was out of boredom and really liked the designs I had, BF x GF is though and BF and Pico are regrettably exes I'm sorry but I kind of have something against that ship

Second all the art I currently have up on Tumblr of the design are outdated so don't look at those for references. I'll try to post some up to date art when I have the time and energy to draw them

SENPAI IS NOW A SWORD USER I CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT THE BOW JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HIM USING A BOW DIDN'T SIT RIGHT WITH ME I was originally gonna make him use a polearm but after thinking about it for a bit it didn't seem right either and the Catalyst and Claymore just- no

I'm still figuring out what would work best for Girlfriend. And being a demon and all, she surprisingly sometimes has trouble controlling her fire powers. When she does have problems she usually ends up setting something on fire, MOST OF THE TIME it's something in nature though (grass, trees, bushes, a plant) and Boyfriend has to try and put it out even though cryo probably isn't the most efficient way to put out a fire but HEY IT WORKS

Because of this Girlfriend often avoids using her powers in forests even when she's with Boyfriend

She almost set their house on fire once but we don't discuss that

Senpai has a little rose on his shoulder with vines that wrap around his arm and a little on the neck. It does get annoying sometimes since it has thorns but no one's gotten hurt from it, just a bit pricky, most of the time he doesn't feel it even though a bit of the vine is on his neck which is bare skin

I might make the rose fire-resistant because fighting against a pyro would make it the most aggravating thing in the world to deal with

If the rose is ever pulled off or something it grows back in about a week or so, if the vine itself is removed, however, it can take a month or more for it to grow back. The plant doesn't have the needs a normal plant does but Sen still waters it sometimes since it makes the flower look a little more alive, he doesn't mind getting the cloth a lil wet :) The flower/vine that is removed dies instantly

Pls don't remove it it's like his little comfort flower he's gonna be sad and pretty mad at you if you do :( His current record for how long the rose hasn't had to be replaced is two years and it's still going let's keep it that way

Pico is just there /hj he's an electro and uses a DAMN CLAYMORE BECAUSE THE CATALYST NO LONGER FEELS RIGHT SKJDKD

I don't know why but he gives me Electro vibes, but also Pyro. I asked some of my friends and Electro got the majority so

He's currently just kind of- there. Nothing special. I don't know what to do with him cause he's basically just Pico but with a different design, in Genshin, and no gun :/ Boyfriend is too, except he's got like a little bit? He's not as much of a dumbass anymore for the sake of being able to use his abilities without wreaking havoc

Oh yeahhh um oh I don't know what to do about the whole Pico's school thing yet I might come up with something later

OH YEAH VISION PLACEMENTS

Sen's is on the little thing that connects his cape thing (I think it's called a cape clasp?), Girlfriend's is on her hip hidden under the thing she wears over her dress, Pico's is also on the cape clasp, and Boyfriends is... His right earring? I guess?? Idk I never really thought about it till now which is kinda stupid and I usually draw it there.

Little story thing so Daddy Dearest wasn't happy with GF dating BF but after some time and convincing by GF and Mommy Mearest he finally moved on though he still has something against BF and occasionally tries to push him away

The pair was roaming one day and came across a little village that Sen was visiting at the moment and well looks like he was followed by some simps and got more while visiting

The singing battle did happen, but Sen managed to calm himself down before he did something absolutely reputation-shattering and just let them go. They did have an awkward encounter sometime later in life and Sen apologized. The pair took it, still sometimes a lil awkward between them though (I need to stop using lil I'm sorry-)

I have nothing for DD or MM. Absolutely nothing. They just exist.

I'm still trying to figure out who from the au knows who in the official game haha OH BOY-

Off topic but yall I was listening to the Rosaria and Beidou UTAU cover of Crucify we need more Genshin characters singing FNF songs it's beautiful I can't link the playlist I made rn since it's unlisted and on my personal email but I'll do it tomorrow if I remember

Who Killed Markiplier?

I'm still trying to think of a name

Characters right now: Senpai (Darkiplier), Boyfriend (Damien), Girlfriend (Celine), Pico (Colonel William J. Barnum aka Wilford Warfstache), Tankman (Detective), Daddy Dearest (The Chef)

More random info

OKAY OKAY I KNOW DARK SHOULD LOOK LIKE BF CAUSE WELL BF IS DAMIEN BUT I'M FUCKING AROUND WITH THE AU RIGHT NOW AND MIGHT MAKE THE MAYOR SEN INSTEAD SO THIS SHIT MAKES MORE SENSE BUT THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH BF AKJSSKAJDSKA I MEAN HE COULD BE MARK-

Wait so that would make Sen and GF siblings but whatever

I'm still trying to figure out who the groundskeeper is cause well I kind of need him but I definitely need mark anyways

So there's not much to explain here, WKM still happened but like, some different dialogue? Same with basically everything else in the storyline?

WELL WITH THE WHOLE DAMIEN AND MARKIPLIER SITUATION SOLVED SEEMS LIKE WE STILL NEED A GROUNDSKEEPER

Sen is Damien and Dark now and apparently his sister is GF

BF dies, Pico goes insane, I forgot what happened to the chef or if we ever even knew what happened with him, Tankman investigates, yep I think that's it for now? I mean Whitty could be the groundskeeper but I have no idea-

No more Boyfriend Mayor of Blue Balls :( (That was literally the best part of this AU and it was supposed to be a joke lmao)

So now we have: Boyfriend (Markiplier), Senpai (Damien, Darkiplier), Girlfriend (Celine), Pico (Colonel William J. Barnum aka Wilford Warfstache), Tankman (Detective), Daddy Dearest (The Chef), Whitty (Groundskeeper)