#i didn't think anything of it until episode 5 when he laughed at 'you wouldn't get that kind of performance from a modern car'

[altruistic-meme]

ive successfully gotten most of my family to watch good omens (s1), including everyone who I thought i COULD convince and 1 who i DIDN'T

[miwiheroes]

Dropping Byler Evidence Every (Other) Day Until Season 5

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . Day 35: D&D Substitute Scene . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .

The D&D substitute scene, aka the scene where Mike and Dustin attempt to persuade random people into being Lucas's replacement, is packed full of queer coding for Mike -- alongside the small shot we get of his bedroom, this scene is supposed to be filled with subtle hints about Mike's character arc this season, particularly about him questioning his sexuality.

The first episode aims to show you what conflicts Mike has in his life before he goes to California, otherwise him acting weird in California would have little context (in a writing sense).

The first part is when Mike bursts in to find Nancy -- when I first watched this back in 2022, girl I thought he was SOOO weird for just standing there and looking around. I figured it was super unnecessary and awkward (maybe just a goofy thing to get a laugh), but they wouldn't have included that for no reason.

Like ^^?? There was no reason for the shot of other people and the whole room unless it for the purpose of showing little details. At first when I decided to examine the scene, I didn't really expect to find anything at all, but if u look closely in the first picture, there's literally a pride flag on one of the items on the table.

Of course, you can't only rely on this little detail for queer coding because there are also other aspects of this scene that we must consider:

At the beginning Mike looks completely frozen in place, like he hadn't been expecting this many people or he's embarrassed. They all look around at him which is supposed to symbolise (imo) his thoughts about the pressure he's feeling to figure himself out, or how seen he feels, in terms of his queerness. (bear with me it all links)

There is ticking in the background, which is supposed to emphasise how long Mike is taking to look around the room.

Nancy is literally in the middle of the room -- How did Mike not see her immediately?

Ergo, he was distracted by something and looking at other people. Mike's literally questioning his sexuality at the beginning of the season anyway, carrying on from the end of S3. The people in the room are all staring at him as if to say -- "who are you going to choose" or something.

You might think this is a reach that Mike is looking at them carefully and considering, but the camerawork literally emphasises the fact that Mike is looking around at these people very purposefully:

Mike looks around first ^

The camera pans quickly like it's supposed to be from his perspective. This is one of the only scenes in which we get his pov in the whole season. And when we do, it's literally Mike panicking about questioning his sexuality. (And for all the bisexual Mike truthers out there, this is definitely proof on that front too, I mean look.)

Okay brace urself because the next part with Mike in it is the most classic 80s-referential queer coding I've seen in my life. Idk why I ever watched this scene without getting the feeling that something is gay about this boy, anyways:

Remember this random extra in the background of Will's solo shot? Super unnecessary to wear this shirt right?

This is supposed to be queercoding for Will, which makes sense because he is canonically confirmed gay in S4, but this hilariously links back to this scene in episode 1:

Wrestling is a contact sport - and this is the very first shot of the next Mike scene, rather than Mike himself. This is basically supposed to kind of highlight the uhhhh queer things that are going on in Mike's head, which is even more interesting when you look at the shot facing Mike:

Not them literally having pairs of men in the background of this shot - it's not even just men by themselves which would be queercoding in itself, but they're all in pairs, as in a M/M couple - i don't get how this was needed unless it's for the purpose of showing Mike questioning his sexuality. If you think about it, the writers and creators chose which parts of the school Dustin and Mike went to pick up a substitute, and it's not just random that they not only decided to put Mike in this situation but have men in tight wrestling gear in the background cmon--

If you think about Dustin being in this scene, it really doesn't make any sense anymore.

Oh yeah and this otherwise unnecessary 5 second POV shot of boys doing this (on the right) definitely doesn't mean anything for what Mike's sexuality is sure yeah yeah...

For the next part, Mike goes to a science lab, which...you might think I'm going to rattle off about this being a symbol for him wanting to 'experiment' with his thoughts and feelings (AND I COULD DO THAT) but this scene doesn't even need me to say much, especially when they have shots like this in it:

There are many things about this scene that imply queercoding:

On one side of Mike there are only boys (particularly two of them), and on the other side there are two girls. I again have to justify myself and say that this isn't just a coincidence. That should be queer coding for a questioning 15 year old boy enough but...

There is literally a sign in the background saying "Women in science" to further highlight the difference between the two opposing sides in Mike's head. This could be bisexual proof, but in my opinion...

The set designers set up a light coming in through the window for a reason. You could try and say it was to make the scene look nicer, but it's clearly lighting up which side Mike prefers, while the side he doesn't is in the shade.

Also there's something about him saying "That's just bullshit media propaganda" whilst being put in a very queer situation that gets me.

The boy at the science table also says "60 minutes begs to differ", which is a very specific line and typical of the time period. The date is 21st of March. Now, if you're well-versed in the lore I'm sure you know where this is going:

The last aired 60 minutes show according to the date - was about the AIDS crisis in America, particularly about the gay community in San Francisco. I'm sure I don't need to say anything more about this significance.

After the guy says that, the experiment goes up in like sparks and flames and I'm sorry to be so so on the nose (though that's kind of the show's fault) but....

I don't know why else they would have had those flames be so prominently in front of Mike's whole torso and head, revealing him to be there after the flames die down if not for this double meaning.

All in all, if we consider that this short scene has this much packed into it, I really can't question the capabilities of the directors and writers to subtly queercode a character (if he is canonically queer next season). Within a minute, Mike is shown to look frozen with pressure as he questions his sexuality, directly put in the pubescent context of gay thoughts (lol), and put in the middle of two options to show which one he has a preference for.

[sofixt0k]

OPINION ABOUT THE NEW MILEVEN DEFENCE VIDEO ( 8 )

Part Eight Her comments / My comments

"When did Mike show signs that he liked guys? Mike being a victim because of the allegations you make that his relationship with Will is romantic doesn't make him gay. You all being delusional and starting to say that Mike likes Will doesn't mean or make it real that Mike likes Will, and again, not all of Finn's characters are gay. I mean, watch the movies, see for yourselves. Okay, this accusation really annoys me because they say it a lot. I mean, a Mileven edit comes out on TikTok, and all the comments are like this: 'Mileven is forced.' Mileven is literally anything but forced because their relationship has been building since Season 1 to what we now know, and it will continue until Season 5.

First, and as I've already said, we don't know anyone's sexuality until they tell us. They tend to assume everyone is heterosexual. I'm not saying they're homosexual either, but yeah… Mike could be bisexual even. (Although I'm on the side that thinks he's gay.)

It makes me laugh that this bothers them because it's like… He's a fictional character, you know? He's not going to jump out of the screen to yell at me and get offended because I have an opinion about his sexuality.

Having a girlfriend doesn't make him heterosexual. It's like, before Season 4, you said Will was gay, and they threw hate at you, calling us crazy and saying he'd have a girlfriend, and in the end, what did they give us? A gay Will from episode 1.

And it's funny because if you go back, there are more signs of a gay Mike than a gay Will before Season 4, HAHAHA.

Secondly, in any case, Mileven is not a built relationship; it's a built breakup.

It would be forced to break up the relationship in the last season for Mike to suddenly show signs that he likes Will and get together with Will in the last season. You know this very well, and if you don't, you're just being stupid.

No, we are not being "stupid." If we ship them and hope they end up together, it's because we have reasons. It's not about seeing a homosexual couple; it's not a fetish. If Will were a girl, I would still ship Byler and hate Mileven with all my heart.

But the relationship between Mike and Mileven literally went through all the stages a relationship needs to go through to be healthy—

Getting to know each other,

No, actually, they didn't. The saddest part is that they still haven't. Both created a version of themselves for the other, one guided by what is "normal" and the other because she literally didn't know anything, and Mike was the first to show her human traits.

Starting to build trust,

No, they don't trust each other. In fact, if they did, Mike would stop pretending to be a nerd, and Eleven wouldn't have acted the way she did at the beginning of Season 4.

Starting to have feelings of love towards the other person,

Yes, sure. Because one tells the other they love them without needing help or pressure, and the other had a normal childhood where they were taught the types of love, so she knows it's romantic what she feels for Mike.

The first kiss,

Without Eleven knowing what a friend is! Without Mike thinking about her romantically until Lucas mentioned it!

Seeing each other every day, spending time together,

Unhealthy, as Mike wanted to keep Eleven in a cage in Season 3!

Saying things to each other's faces, discussing, not arguing as in fighting, I mean talking things out,

They did everything but talk things out properly and find a solution together!

Overcoming fears together, saying, okay, this happened, but we're going to stay together until the end,

This part specifically would be a phrase from a Valentine's Day card Mike would give to Eleven. HAHAHA. And YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, THE GUY IS NOT CAPABLE OF THINKING SOMETHING ROMANTIC FOR HER ON HIS OWN!

All that happened with Mileven and more, and you can see it if you watch the series with non-Byler shipper eyes, but it would literally be very forced for Mike to suddenly have feelings for Will based on the thoughts you created that Mike likes Will. If you take that aside, there's no official indication that Mike likes Will or has romantic feelings for him. So for Mike and Eleven to break up this season and for Mike to suddenly say, "Come here, Will," it wouldn't be like that. That would be forced. The Byler ship is forced.

Forced is the way you give your "pro-Mileven" arguments by inventing all the Byler canon.

That Mike has always shown romantic feelings towards Mileven and suddenly doesn't feel them for her anymore and now feels them for Will, that's forced. Mileven is not forced."

No, no. It's not forced. Whatever helps you sleep better.

[transsongtaewon]

On the screen, a man and a woman kissed in the rain, possibly while crying.

Based on Yoohyun's half-hearted observations on the drama, before this scene, they had broken up no less than three times, destroyed multiple life-long friendships, and been, just, really annoying all the way through. But now they had their happy ending. At least until they found out that the man had slept with the woman's evil twin. Yoohyun wasn't sure if the man knew it was the twin and not the woman, but he also did not particularly care.

He mostly just wanted the drama to end.

Not that he had anything better to do while waiting for Yoojin to get done at the vet clinic. Technically, Yoojin's shift had ended ten minutes ago, but it wasn't like a secretary could just hang up in the middle of a phone-call, no matter how annoying the caller was. At least that's what Yoojin claimed, Yoohyun did not feel the same.

But until Yoojin came to get him, he would just have to sit in the waiting room and watch the drama the clinic for some reason considered suitable waiting-room-entertainment. Maybe it had been chosen because there was an entire arc centered around a dog dying and was therefore deemed thematically relevant for people who came to the clinic to have their dogs put down.

When those episodes aired the waiting room was filled with more sniffles than usual.

Yoohyun really wished the drama had never been filmed back then.

"Did you have to wait long?"

"No, hyung."

Yoojin was wearing the jacket he had been given at his delivery job, still layered above the vet-clinic scrubs, looking exhausted but cheerful. The same as he always did.

Yoohyun smiled at him. Yoojin grinned back.

Yoojin cast a look at the tv where the man and the woman were now holding hands in a park, interrupted by occasional shots of the woman-but-with-glasses-on (the evil twin) looking menacing.

He sighed dreamily. "Ah, love. Beautiful, isn't it?"

Yoohyun was not entirely sure what exactly was supposed to be beautiful about all the miscommunication and tears he had been told by countless shows and movies were the pinnacle of love, but he nodded along anyway.

"And to think one day, my beloved little brother will find love for himself." Yoojin ruffled his hair, making Yoohyun pout a little.

"But I already love you more than anyone, hyung."

Yoojin laughed, clearly touched but also bemused. "But Yoohyun-ah, I don't meant that kind of love. I mean when you grow up and meet a nice girl to settle down with and I get to babysit all my cute nieces and nephews."

"Mhm."

Yoohyun decided not to protest any more. Yoojin seemed to care greatly about Yoohyun's hypothetical romantic future, even if Yoohyun knew deep down that he would never love anyone that way.

He realised this basically the moment the concept of romantic love started being floated around by the adults in his life, be it by the kindergarten teachers calling any boys and girls playing together "little boyfriends and girlfriends" or fairy tales declaring the power of the love's kiss. It all sounded rather silly to him.

Very few seemed to share his perspective on the matter, though. Maybe he was just born different. It wouldn't be the only way he failed to match the expectations for a person.

"Come on, Yoohyun. We have to run if we want to catch the bus."

Yoohyun got up and patted down his school uniform, making sure he didn't leave anything behind in the waiting room. As they went outside, he threw one last glance at where the man and the woman were having carefully choreographed, mostly implied sex and knew that this would never be him.

Written for Sctir Pride Week Day 5: "Born This Way"

[screamlet]

2024 Tumblr Top 10

tagged by @rcmclachlan​!!! what a fun journey through time, especially because this is the first time i've been in a tumblr-centric fandom... ever.

Share your top 10 tumblr posts from last year! Visit this site, scroll down to "Find your Tumblr Top 10," type in your username, and select 2024. When you get the results, simply click "Share to Tumblr" and you'll get an auto-generated draft for a post with links and previews. Make any adjustments you see fit.

---

1. 558 notes - Nov 9 2024

Another hospital room. Buck takes a deep breath and closes his eyes again, letting it out and hoping he gets back to sleep. It doesn’t happen, though, because his brain catches up to his eyes: Maddie, wearing a yellow paper hospital mask, a hand anxiously on her belly, sitting in the chair next to him with that too-familiar oh-thank-god-you’re-finally-awake face… and Tommy leaning in the doorway.

this is from break and be mended, the 4.5k bucktommy fix-it fic i vomited up literally two days after the breakup aired. the spirit (of anger and spite) moved me i guess

2. 406 notes - Sep 17 2024

so imagine: s8e1, many bees, zero tommy until another last 5 minutes of the episode, the jeep pulling up to this small house...

this little whatever from a week before the s8 premiere when we thought the bees would be something and/or tommy would do anything and/or we would ever see tommy’s fucking house. the dodgeball of apollo missed me on every count.

3. 400 notes - Oct 4 2024

���well we’re so happy the co-pilot’s awake! everything’s gonna be just fine and we can land this plane now” god don’t they know they’re in part two of a three-part season opener, they did this to themselves

this random post from an episode live blog and it wouldn’t have gone anywhere without @dadvans​ and the assist, god this still makes me laugh

4. 232 notes - Dec 8 2024

It’s not until the elevator starts moving that he hears it through the doors: “Tommy! Tommy, wait—Tommy!”

the fic post for a wolf without a foot, my 34k bucktommy fix-it fic that just... 😐 i might write a buck interstitial to this one because buck’s (lack of) presence in it continues to bug me. no promises!!!!

5. 222 notes - Aug 28 2024

The plan doesn't involve kissing Evan, this man he's met three times. Disaster rescue, work tour, basketball disaster, Evan's apartment right now—four times. This is only the fourth time he's ever laid eyes on Evan Buckley, but Evan Buckley hasn't fucking blinked since he stepped into the room. Has Tommy?

for a random wip wednesday, i posted the whole tommy pov scene of The First Kiss from what are your intentions? and it’s still getting notes four and a half months later. this poor man!!! what’s a terrified gay to do!!!!!

6. 214 notes - Dec 11 2024

Tommy has one arm firmly around Buck and one finger pointing at Sal. "I'm from LA. When the hell would I have seen a live chicken?"

aw, this cute @118dailydrabble​ where buck learns about Maurice the Chicken while hanging out with tommy, sal, and bobby.

7. 213 notes - Dec 20 2024

Buck reads to himself: If my grief is violent enough, perhaps he will come back to life again... "Mayday, mayday, mayday, companies respond to an explosion at Harbor Station."

the beginning of blow up that chopper!!!!

8. 204 notes - Nov 16 2024

"Yeah, pretty much. You got some good parts, though. The really good ones." He swallows past the lump in his throat, and means it when he says, "I wouldn't give you any less." "But I wanted all of them," Evan says. "You gave me less, Tommy. Don't think you did me some favor, here. You didn't. You gave me less."

a wip wednesday excerpt from a wolf without a foot, gahhhhhhh yes it still kills me, too

9. 201 notes - Nov 26 2024

my favorite part of the bucktommy breakup fic explosion is seeing each writer focus on THE thing that bugs them most about this breakup and/or breakups in general...

"confessions” aired almost exactly two months ago and man has this fandom been a fucking ride since then

10. 198 notes - Dec 9 2024

unfortunately kinley cafe posits a REALLY interesting coffee shop au where the fluffy gay owners break up and a whole neighborhood has to scheme to get them back together so they don't sell the cafe

where is this coffee shop au!!!!!!!!!!!

tagging: YOU, YES, YOU

[lakesparkles]

Oooh, I can't wait for that Thangyu one shot 😼😼🙏🏽

Haven't started Black Mirror despite it being in my watchlist but I know I'll definitely watch the episode that inspired it once you post it (that's if you say which one it is, heh)

Also, gonna start signing my anons because this is the seventh one I'm sending you and I know I'll send more too 'cause I love your art and blog fr :3

Take care!

— 🏹

Omg thank you so much, anon!!! This makes me very happy! (Even more knowing that you sent so many asks already, this means everything to me, I'm loving all the interactions here!!)

The main reason for my writers block is because I became too unsure about my writing. It didn't seem good enough, like I wasn't telling anything with my stories. But starting to write this oneshot is changing this, at least!

The only reason I didn't tell the episode was bc I was worried revealing too much would unmotivate me to start the idea. But now I see this makes no sense haha

The episode is Eulogy (episode 5 of season 7) :> This episode changed me a little so I had to write something based on it.

Actually, I don't mind sharing the first scene of the oneshot:

Eulogy

.

.

.

Nam-gyu is forced to remember someone from his past

---

(I watched the new season of Black Mirror and was immediately inspired. This story was based on the episode of the same name)

"Well, he always said he would die young," Nam-gyu shrugged, doing his best to convey the least amount of emotion in his words. He wanted his sentence to mean what he'd said and nothing else.

That didn't seem to help much, even after Nam-gyu let out a weak, almost uncomfortable laugh. The man in front of him raised his eyebrows, not seeming to appreciate his attempt to lighten the mood. Thinking about it, maybe he had sounded less casual and more insensitive than he had expected.

That's why he shook his head slightly, trying to change the subject:

"What was your name again?" He asked because, well, he really didn't remember. His memories were getting more blurred every day. Nam-gyu didn't feel very comfortable there, constantly looking over the other's shoulder and hoping that he could just ignore him and go straight to the entrance of the building he lived in. He could do that if he wanted to. That was the worst part. He hadn't even know that guy five minutes ago, and he shouldn't need to have any conversation the other wanted to.

For some reason, he remained there, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Gyeong-su," Was the answer he received. "My name is Gyeong-su."

"And why are you here?"

"I already told you!" The man, at first, got excited, then shook his head in regret and continued in a lighter tone. "I came here to tell you that Than-"

"I know this!" Nam-gyu was quick to cut him off. "But anyone could've called. Or, I don't know, I'd read the news anywhere. Why are you here?

It was a decent question, since Gyeong-su stopped to think for a few seconds. Something about him bothered Nam-gyu, he was a difficult person to read, even after the few moments he had met him. Gyeong-su was restless, almost unstable. Nam-gyu could only say that, if he had much more to say, Gyeong-su didn't seem very interested at the moment.

"Thanos told me he wanted the burial to be here in Daejeon. It was always his plan, you know?" Gyeong-su finally opened his mouth.

"You're kidding me..." Nam-gyu muttered softly, more to himself than anything.

He decided that this was too much for him. With a quick step, he walked around Gyeong-su's body, walking back to the door of his building.

The sky was already starting to lose its orange color, slowly turning dark blue. Nam-gyu knew he had very few hours until his shift at the club started. He wouldn't waste another moment with that nonsense.

Above all, he didn't understand what any of that had to do with him.

He hadn't seen Thanos in years. A decade, even.

He rarely even thought about him, to tell the truth.

"Wait!" He heard behind him.

When he realized, he was already convinced to stop by the strong grip on his arm, almost desperate. Nam-gyu turned around with a quick movement, his look alone already convincing the other man to let him go. "Sorry! It's just... Don't leave yet, okay? Listen, he made me make a list! He made me promise to come to you-"

"Why me?" Even Nam-gyu was surprised by how irritated his turn sounded, but he didn't relax his posture even when Gyeong-su shrugged:

"It's not just you, there is a list with several people."

"I'm not interested in any damn funeral, I barely knew the guy, shit!"

"It's not that!"

That caught Nam-gyu off guard, so he allowed the man to continue:

"You must know how Thanos is... was. He wanted something big! He repeated it over and over again, made me swear and everything."

"He wants to turn his own funeral into a spectacle?" Nam-gyu snorted, not at all impressed. "Typical."

"I wouldn't say it like that," Gyeong-su waved his hands in the air. "Anyway, I came to you to ask if you have any memories to share?"

"Memories...?"

"Yeah! For the funeral, of course."

"Are you deaf, by any chance!? I told you I'm not going to participate in this shit! What were you to him? He hired you, huh?" Nam-gyu paused suddenly, the realization making his mouth form an o. "Wait... You had an affair with him? I knew it!"

"What? No, no, no! We were friends, that's what. I mean, I knew him long before he knew me. I used to be a huge fan, and I still am! I knew all the lyrics, went to all the shows. I always hoped that one day I would get a chance to talk to him just once. When it actually happened, man, you had to see it..."

Gyeong-su was too busy babbling to himself to notice that Nam-gyu had taken the opportunity to slip away, pulling the key out of his pocket and unlocking the door before he could hear any more complaints.

He was really fed up, basically sighing in relief when he got back to the newly locked door behind him.

The short climb to his third-floor apartment was quick, even more so due to his rushed thoughts, hardly forming any coherence. He stepped on each step with less care than the last, just wanting to get to his house.

When that finally happened, he was surprised by how familiar the rooms seemed to be. For some reason, it was as if he expected something to be out of place. But no, every single thing was in the same place he left it before. The walls remained the same light gray color. And the view from the living room window was still of the other buildings in front of the dark sky.

That didn't bother him. Besides, it was only expected - and recommended - for someone who lived alone.

But it bothered him anyway.

He stood still, waiting for something to happen.

Once again, nothing.

Everything was the same.

That idiot... Had Thanos really died?

When he felt his legs unsteady, he finally got up and continued with his routine. Nothing had changed.

[fallloverfic]

Jaekyung and love confessions

Doing my hourly Jinx rereads and focusing again on Jaekyung reading the birthday letter in Episode 55 and what he was thinking of when he was surprised Dan crossed part of the letter out. This is tying into my thoughts about what Jaekyung thinks of Dan confessing love to him (and how that might turn out if it happened).

If other people have written about this, apologies, I've only been in the fandom for nearly two months now. Also this is reading way too deeply into things and mostly just how I'm coping badly with the wait between updates.

Jaekyung tries to come off as distant and without the need for emotional attachments, likely to protect himself and be seen as strong in order to avoid challengers to his title, when it's very obvious he does need and want emotional attachment, at least from Dan, and he relies heavily on other people (namely his coaches) supporting him. He's also heavily affected by bad public perception (at least in regard to how it might endanger his title, which is the main thing he cares about, as shown in Episode 29, "Exhaustion doesn't matter, not when you want to stay the champion. New challengers are always nipping at my heels like a pack of hyenas... What do you think will happen if I just stay still? Relaxing means losing."), so while he doesn't particularly like people sending him presents or being thrown parties, he perhaps to some degree appreciates public adoration.

What's interesting about this is that Jaekyung's desire for emotional connection, particularly affection in a romantic/physical relationship, is potentially displayed very early on in the story. Yes, Jaekyung lies to Dan over the phone in Episode 1, and he's not up-front about Dan's expected duties to Dan when he plans to hire Dan on a regular basis, until Dan confronts him about it in Episode 6. He's also pleased in Episode 5 when Dan leaves in the morning without saying anything or being asked to get lost. He comes off as manipulative, distant, and closed-off, looking out for himself.

However, in Episode 6, there's this interesting panel, where Jaekyung, after explaining the planned professional arrangement, asks if Dan has more questions and then hears out Dan's request for more money. And this happens:

He then laughs about it, and increasingly assumes Dan is money-obsessed going forward. You could argue Jaekyung is just annoyed he didn't think of offering more sooner (during that time he was getting angry Dan wasn't responding to the hire offers), or maybe he thinks it's funny it's not his looks, connections, fame, or sexual capabilities that drew Dan back. There's a lot of reasons he might be reacting this way. However, given other aspects of his behavior, I have to honestly wonder if he wanted a bit more on an emotional level from Dan, but, for whatever reason, doesn't generally expect it, and is unsurprised he didn't get it this time.

I'm not saying he should have expected a love confession at this point (he and Dan are still basically strangers and Jaekyung has been manipulative and harsh to Dan), but if he on some level wanted it, or at least some form of affection, I wouldn't be surprised. He covers it up with humor and arrogance, if anything.

This is particularly interesting in light of what Jaekyung does when he takes Dan in during Episode 18. Dan asks, "Why are you being kind to me? To be honest, I just don't get it. First you pay off my debt, and now you want me to live here with you..." And Jaekyung reacts...

Dan is surprised, clearly not expecting a response involving this. And Jaekyung talks over him, "None of this is for you. It's to make my life easier. You're nothing more than a tool to handle my jinx."

As Dan watches him walk off, Dan is still clearly surprised, and thinks, "I just wondered if maybe he'd felt pity for me, and it moved him to do good..."

You could argue this is precisely what it looks like and Jaekyung is being genre savvy or something, and literally just found the concept funny or absurd. Dan clearly also understands where Jaekyung's mind went (on some level) after the fact, but was definitely not expecting it when asking the question. He likely just wanted more kindness or something from Jaekyung after dealing with him on a regular basis. He has to work with and now live with the man, it'd be nice to find some humanity there.

Alternatively, Jaekyung is being extremely defensive in a kind of bizarre way at something literally no one was suggesting. How dare you assume Jaekyung have feelings for this guy he's been obsessively banging, made breakfast for, called a medical professional for, modified his behavior for, welcomed into his home where he notoriously does not bring people, and is extremely territorial over? (Episodes 5, 7, 12-15, 22).

Then we get to when Dan is high on the aphrodisiac in Episode 39, and Jaekyung's at first extreme confusion/exasperation at Dan kissing him (which continues to be very funny) and then his reaction to Dan's love confession.

This is just an extremely funny set of panels to me aldkjalj He's so annoyed. Dan used affection! It made Jaekyung confused and irritable!

As a note, Dan says he loves what Jaekyung is doing before this. He hasn't said he loves Jaekyung yet, just what Jaekyung was doing. Jaekyung's ultimate response seems to be slight resignation and, "Kim Dan, you really are a maniac, aren't you?"

And then we have the big moment. Dan saying, "Sir... I l-love... Joo J-Jaekyung... Mr. Joo... I love you..."

And Jaekyung's reaction:

There's a lot that's interesting here. Jaekyung isn't fully defensive, likely in part because he's aware Dan isn't fully cognizant (he's decently sure Dan ingested something that's made him like this, as he notes when he keeps asking Dan what happened to make him this way, and suggests Dan ate something), and given how much sex they've had, and how generally odd Dan has been acting. The hesitation with the "..." at the start is fascinating in the sense that he seems to have been unprepared to hear that. In a lot of Romance, characters make love confessions during sex, often unintended, assumed to be part of the moment (but maybe not ultimately, and more speaking to underlying emotion) (e.g., Send Them a Farewell Gift for the Lost Time by Cocomi).

Jaekyung has some understandable reservations about this, especially if he's unsure it's genuine and perhaps driven by whatever it is Dan ingested to be like this and/or something said in the heat of sex, especially since it's not something Dan voiced before, particularly at other times when Jaekyung potentially wanted to hear something like it, but didn't. As Jaekyung notes before this, "Usually you flinch every time I lay a hand on you". And yet, here they are.

Jaekyung calls it nonsense: he doesn't believe Dan would genuinely say this, and is only doing so now because he's so out of it. Jaekyung is self-aware, to a degree, or at least assumes Dan would not want him that way, and he demonstrates that when he asks what Dan would have made the wish if not for Yoon-gu in Episode 29: "There must be something that you actually wanted for yourself. . . . There's plenty you want to change. You still whine and cry every time we fuck." He knows there are things in their relationship Dan does not enjoy. He also still believes Dan solely wants him for the money, "Right, the wish. That's what this is about. Fine, what is it, more money again?" (Episode 26).

And when Jaekyung asks for clarification about the love confession, Dan (still drugged) avoids answering, and just kisses him on the lips. This is further interesting in that this is possibly the first instance where Dan is initiating kissing. We don't see all their sexual encounters, but prior to this, Jaekyung is always the one shown to initiate kissing. And rather than demand clarification or be annoyed like he was before, Jaekyung just goes with it.

This is particularly interesting in light of the other time Dan initiates kissing, in Episode 44. Specifically, Jaekyung (who is admittedly drunk) is seemingly non-responsive until Dan kisses Jaekyung's ear. Jaekyung has cauliflower ear, which is the result of ear trauma, something common among boxers, wrestlers, and martial artists (basically, he likely got hit on his ears, and as we know, he hates seeking treatment, so he likely didn't get proper treatment, and is now stuck with this). I'm not seeing info on this being more sensitive generally, but it's possible that's part of why Jaekyung says it tickles. And he tells Dan to stop. Why this is relevant is because the earlier kissing in Episode 39 might be down to surprise - Jaekyung doesn't seem used to partners kissing him (he knocks away the not!Dan hook-up when the guy tries to kiss him in Episode 55, though that might just be down to his headache, frustration, and the guy just isn't Dan and it's not working out) - and/or a perhaps slightly unfamiliar/uncomfortable sensation from being kissed around his face. But Jaekyung is quite fine with Dan taking charge, at least in this avenue, when it comes to kissing on the mouth, and/or is willing to tolerate Dan doing it elsewhere when he's fully cognizant, because it's Dan (him being alarmed by Dan randomly kissing his face in the hotel is different than telling Dan to stop).

The morning after they sleep together in the U.S., Jaekyung finishes getting ready for the day, but pauses and looks back at the bed, where Dan is sleeping peacefully (Episode 40). Rather than force Dan out or otherwise try to wake Dan up, as he has done previously (Episodes 4, 12), Jaekyung does this:

The look is... you could say fond. You could say it's pleased (e.g., "Yeah, I fucked this guy to unconsciousness, because I'm so awesome and have big dick game"). But despite his aggravation, despite his confusion, despite his usual modus operandi, despite the match... he's fine with this. He's content. After a love confession, dubious though it is. This isn't the face of someone who's disgusted or angry by being told Dan cares about him.

The confirmation Jaekyung gets that Dan was high while saying it doesn't help (Episode 40). Of course Dan would only say such a thing while drugged - Jaekyung, probably.

Their semi-conversation about it later is also intriguing. Jaekyung of course wants to murder the perpetrator, who was likely targeting him, and it's easy to assume his feelings are purely because someone was gunning for him and could have done a lot of damage.

However, Dan says, in response to Jaekyung's upset, "W-Well...I'm just glad it was me who drew the short stick." (Episode 41). Which makes Jaekyung do such a headturn that Dan is surprised.

Jaekyung then asks, "You really don't remember anything from that night?"

And Dan replies that he blacked out once he entered the room. He asks, "I didn't make any mistakes that night, did I?"

To which Jaekyung replies, "-pfft- Mistakes?"

He then laughs as he leaves, seemingly finding it all amusing. But his agreeing to use Dan's unintentional framing of the love confession as a mistake speaks volumes. Again, Jaekyung seemingly still doesn't believe Dan is into him that way: he thinks Dan is into him for the money (reaffirmed by, "How much money did Baek Junmin offer you? We both know how much you love money. I guess what I was giving just wasn't cuttin' it, huh?" in Episode 51). He likely views the love confession as an accident, likely said in the heat of the moment/due to the aphrodisiac.

Maybe he even views it as, if genuine, an actual mistake. His hesitation before he responded in Episode 39 is interesting in that there's all kinds of reasons why he wouldn't accept the love confession as genuine. Maybe he just doesn't believe someone would care for him that way. Maybe he doesn't think anyone should. That to love him is a mistake. Or maybe he was just surprised. There's no real way to know, because there's a lot we don't know about him, but that he so readily accepts the "mistake" framing is a bit damning.

And then we have Jaekyung's birthday in Episode 45.

One moment that's important to emphasize is when Jaekyung wakes up on his birthday, and notices that Dan is cuddled up to his back. At first, he's confused, and then he does this:

He's astonished. Not angry. He doesn't shake Dan awake or shove Dan away. Dan is, as Jaekyung noted in Episode 29, a pretty "good sleeper", and obviously Jaekyung proceeds to get up and go to the bathroom to get ready for the day, so at least pulling away from Dan (and out from under Dan's left hand) was part of the process. This is only (to my recollection) the second time (by this point in the narrative) we've seen Jaekyung wake up in the bed with Dan, after Episode 4, where Dan wasn't cuddling up to Jaekyung, but rather curling in on himself on his side of the bed, facing away from Jaekyung (it's hard to tell with what little we can see of Dan, but I assume, given the way his hair is drawn, that he's curled away from Jaekyung's side of the bed). The other times they are assumed to have slept through the night in the same bed are Episodes 12 and 40, neither of which show the positioning Jaekyung woke up to (Jaekyung is already out of the bed by the time the story transitions from sex at night > morning of the following day). It is entirely possible that Dan has never cuddled up to him like this before this. He might have done so in Episode 40, but we don't know. Certainly, sleeping Dan in Episode 40, rather than being curled in on himself and facing away from Jaekyung's side of the bed (as he is in Episode 4), is facing Jaekyung's (empty) side of the bed. How close he was to Jaekyung while they both slept, or at least at the point Jaekyung woke up, is unknown.

(Yes, Dan sleeps wrapped around Jaekyung in Episode 66, but that's not really relevant for this post, which is ostensibly about Jaekyung's first reading of the birthday note)

Jaekyung in Episode 45 proceeds to see the marks on Dan's body and recalls the fragments of the sex, and likely is experiencing the beginnings of the hangover, so he does get angry. But at least when he sees Dan in bed with him, initially, and cuddling up to him, he's not angry. We don't see all the times they have sex, so we truly can't know for certain, but it's entirely possible that this is a first for them, and why he's surprised. After all, Jaekyung is of the belief that Dan doesn't care for him that way, and flinches away from him. To see Dan cuddling up to him is probably intriguing.

Fast forward to the gifting and confession. Jaekyung is going through a hangover at this point, but he's seemingly decently cognizant of things. Dan states, "I wanted to be honest with my feelings towards you." (Bolding mine, will get to this later)

To which Jaekyung is aggressive and condescending, "What? Your feelings?" He turns back and walks over so he can tower over Dan again and demands, "What feelings?" and raises a disbelieving eyebrow to say, "This isn't what I think it is, right? This has to be a joke."

When Dan, fearfully, only reiterates he's doing all this out of gratitude (rather than love), Jaekyung allows for a pause, and it's unclear if he knows, on some level, what Dan meant to say, or is just preparing himself for the onslaught of vitriol he proceeds to let loose.

I don't personally think Jaekyung's mad that Dan only admitted to gratitude rather than affection. I don't think anything good - or even slightly better - would have happened if Dan admitted he loved Jaekyung. It's fun to think things could have been better (certainly I've written fanfic along those lines), but I doubt it would be in reality, if nothing else because of the series of bad events leading up to this moment (e.g., the hangover, the gifts, his territoriality about Dan acting weird and hiding things while secretly getting money for the gift and the reveal), putting him in an extremely foul mood, on top of his usual defensiveness and dealing with the match (where he seemingly realized he fucked up by accepting, due to his shoulder injury, as indicated in Episode 41, "Are you going to take responsibility if the match gets canceled?" and Episode 42, "Then are you going to fight in my place?!"). Jaekyung's overt hostility to something he knows was possibly true on some level is tragic. He knows Dan is at least capable of admitting he cares about - even loves - Jaekyung. But he doesn't believe it's real, and that Dan would have to be drugged to say it. But he now treats the concept with contempt, whereas before (in Episode 40), he almost, if not actually, seemed a bit pleased about it.

I'm not ignoring that Jaekyung is very clearly looking for reasons to explain his weird "feelings" around Dan, as indicated in Episode 35. Dan doing something to get on Jaekyung's nerves is an easy explanation for Jaekyung to fasten onto, rather than Jaekyung acknowledging he caught feelings hard. And when Jaekyung finds a good target, he attacks relentlessly.

But back to the story: Jaekyung then stonewalls Dan until the match, "This house just keeps getting chillier. Since his birthday, he's been busier because he got matched up with a new opponent. He's always leaving early in the morning, so I hardly get to see him. But even when our paths cross..." (Episode 47).

Part of it seems to be Jaekyung's own stress, and maybe avoiding any potential vulnerability in the lead-up to the match, whether it's talking about the risk with his shoulder or the risk with his feelings.

He also stonewalls Dan when Dan tries to talk to him about meeting Choi Gilseok, the guy who runs Junmin's gym (Episode 48). He's so focused on the match, he drowns out everything else.

What's interesting as well about the post-midnight encounter in Episode 48 is, partially, it's hard to track when precisely this happens (other than what time it is). Jaekyung and Dan had sex the night before the match (Episode 53). It seems like they spent more time together then, so the avoidant conversation about Gilseok was, at the very latest, the day before that/that morning (since Jaekyung arrives home after midnight in Episode 48). Dan notes to himself, "I'll just tell him next time." But this clearly didn't happen between this encounter and after the match, based on Jaekyung's yelling at Dan after the match in Episode 51. Maybe Dan just never found a good moment between Jaekyung leaving to work out and coming home and likely demanding sex. Generally, though, it's hard to figure out how this fits with the flashback in Episode 53.

The point is, Jaekyung by this point in the relationship, the night before the match with Junmin, is stonewalling Dan and focusing entirely on the match. He's told Dan off for daring to admit to having feelings and insisted Dan focus purely on Jaekyung's physical health. He's also yelled at Dan multiple times for insisting about the state of Jaekyung's shoulder.

This makes Jaekyung's thoughts about their sex the day before the match in Episode 53 interesting. It's not clear what specifically Jaekyung means when he says, "No wonder [Dan] was acting a bit off when we had sex the day before the match." How was Dan acting off? What we see during the flashback is Jaekyung, seemingly, pulling back after finishing, letting Dan go, and even looking away. Dan, seemingly assuming Jaekyung is done with him, quietly gets off the bed without being asked (mirroring Episode 12, even down to the posing), says, "Well... get some rest." Before wobbling away, presumably to his own room to get cleaned up and stay out of Jaekyung's hair.

Jaekyung's sending a lot of mixed signals here, trying to ignore Dan while insisting Dan stay nearby. Telling Dan to focus on Jaekyung's physical condition (Episodes 45-6), while ignoring Dan's advice about said condition, at least when it comes to Jaekyung's shoulder and that Jaekyung should take a break. Jaekyung seems completely oblivious - maybe due to distraction, insomnia, stress, annoyance, questioning Dan's loyalty, his selfishness, who knows - to this. But something about Dan's behavior in that encounter was off to him. Given what we know of Jaekyung's behavior, the likeliest reason is he wanted more sex and Dan just left, which was annoying. But if Jaekyung wanted to keep having sex, he had ways to demonstrate that, as he's done, repeatedly (Episodes 4, 12, 18, 20, 28, 29, 39). It doesn't seem like his issue was that he wanted to have more rounds of sex.

Dan is following Jaekyung's requests as much as possible in Episode 53, letting Jaekyung take the lead, being quiet and not complaining (Episode 4), not trying to give Jaekyung more stress by bringing up Gilseok, not talking about feelings, and getting out of Jaekyung's hair when Jaekyung is seemingly done with him. And when he struggles post-sex, he doesn't ask for help, at least in part because he doesn't expect to receive any (Episode 61).

One thing I've been curious is about is how their sex changed - if it changed at all - between their sleeping together in the U.S. when Dan was drugged and the night before the match with Junmin. We don't know how often they slept together, though given their history and Jaekyung's sexual appetite, it seems likely they were together more than just the night before Jaekyung's birthday and the once before the match. There's the flashback where Jaekyung fucked Dan against the couch in Episode 61, but we don't know when exactly that took place. It's highly likely it was before the match with Junmin, but we just don't know (Dan just thinks, "It's right before his next match", and doesn't specify who Jaekyung's opponent is, and while they're in South Korea still, so it's likely this isn't before the Dominic Hill match, leaving the likely candidates as Randy Booker and Junmin, and his thoughts on Jaekyung lean towards his personality nearer the Junmin match, we just don't know). Obviously, Dan has no memory of most of what he did the night he was drugged. And Jaekyung has fragmented memories of the birthday sex. But we can only really use a couple sexual encounters to figure out what was so different about the night before the Junmin match that went against Jaekyung's expectations.

Was Jaekyung expecting Dan to just fall asleep in the bed and stay? Jaekyung was stonewalling him for some time: although Jaekyung is the master of mixed signals, it seems odd for him to have expected Dan to stick around. Was Jaekyung expecting Dan to be more vocal, at least in moaning and "whining"? Was Jaekyung expecting Dan to bring up feelings again? Was Jaekyung expecting Dan to generally be clingier, as he was in the U.S. and on Jaekyung's birthday?

Little theory that probably isn't anything: Jaekyung nearly helped Dan when Dan stumbled. When Dan gets off the bed, Jaekyung has his hands behind his back, his legs somewhat spread, and is leaning back a little. We then see Dan stumble and catch himself. Jaekyung is not in frame. When next we see Jaekyung, he is sitting up, his legs are pulled closer, and his right arm is resting over his leg. As if he'd thought about getting up but stopped. And he was watching Dan the whole while Dan got off the bed and walked off.

Contrast this with Episode 12, when Jaekyung throws a towel at Dan's back to encourage Dan to get up and leave after Dan wakes up. Jaekyung then turns his back and largely ignores Dan while lecturing him. That point was very notable, because it's right after this when Jaekyung started being at least slightly aware of Dan's state of being (e.g., he made breakfast for Dan after the medical professional talked about Dan's malnutrition, and he told Dan to take better care of himself; he also started doing if not foreplay then at least kissing, and he later invited Dan to stay at the penthouse). Now, in Episode 53, Jaekyung only took his eyes off Dan to take a brief breather, and then didn't look away from Dan until Dan was completely out of the room.

Also, presumably, the couch sex scene Dan recalls in Episode 61 has already happened, possibly recently. An encounter where Jaekyung went in, got what he wanted, and left Dan to his own devices. Completely different from Jaekyung watching Dan's every movement as Dan gets off the bed and walks out of the room.

For whatever reason, Jaekyung in Episode 53 in the sex flashback is not ignoring Dan when Dan gets off the bed. He is surprised Dan does so, and continues to stare after Dan in confusion. He might just be adjusting his posture casually between the panels. Maybe he had no intention to get off the bed. He certainly doesn't generally go out of his way to physically support Dan prior to this (Namwook had to tell Jaekyung to take Dan home after Dan got drunk in Episode 9, Namwook had to tell Jaekyung to grab Dan for the check-up in Episode 17, and Jaekyung only hit back at the loan sharks after Heo Manwook hit Jaekyung in the chest, not out of a desire to defend Dan).

Jaekyung, maybe, moved to help Dan if necessary. But in this instance, it wasn't necessary: Dan recovered on his own, and walked off. Dan also didn't ask for help. This isn't actually unusual: Dan doesn't tend to ask for help, even outside the Episode 61 flashback. When Jaekyung comes to Dan's place while the loan sharks are there, Dan is surprised Jaekyung has shown up, says nothing the two times Jaekyung pulls him towards the door, and then asks, "S-Sir, please, don't fight... let's just go..." Before Jaekyung shoves his hand off to focus on Manwook (Episode 17). At no point does Dan ask for help or seemingly expect it. After getting to the hospital, Dan notably focuses on Jaekyung's possible injuries over his own, which Jaekyung is boggled by, given everything Dan has gone through and Dan's heavily injured state (Episode 18). Dan is then alarmed Jaekyung paid off the loan sharks, and is more worried about them coming after Jaekyung and making trouble for him than coming after him. Dan didn't ask for help with the aphrodisiac (he notably asked the other Team Black members to keep silent about it to avoid creating another "distraction" for Jaekyung) (Episode 38). Dan just doesn't ask for help. He asks Jaekyung to be gentler, to slow down, and to stop, during sex, but he doesn't ask for anything when they're done. He didn't use the one time he had a seemingly limitless wish to ask for anything for himself, either.

But that doesn't stop Jaekyung from helping. Jaekyung has notably seemingly carried Dan to bed at least three times before this, in Episode 10 (when Dan was drunk and had to be carried and driven home, and then when he was clingy and refused to let Jaekyung leave), once between Episodes 12-13 (when Dan fainted on the floor) and once between Episodes 28-29 (when Dan fainted in the pool). So it's not like Jaekyung shouldn't expect to help in some form when Dan is struggling, and isn't necessarily ready to do so, sometimes unprompted (given the three times he's done it in the past, Dan was only partially lucid or fully unconscious, and they were completely alone during the pool scene).

So in sum: Jaekyung has helped Dan post-sex before the flashback in Episode 53. He could be expected to do so again (and he does help Dan when Dan collapses in Episodes 60 and 65, so it's not like he was unwilling to help Dan up again). Dan was doing what he often does, and also complied with Jaekyung's expectations in so far as he could. It seems within the realm of possibility Jaekyung was planning to help, but stopped because it was unnecessary.

Back to what changed in their sex that was weird to Jaekyung: the only differences I can see were that Dan was maybe quieter without being asked, which might be out of the recent norm if Jaekyung assumed Dan was going to just sleep in the bed, and Jaekyung was not averse to him being there. But also, Jaekyung is used to Dan relying on him - to a degree - when Dan is in distress. Maybe Dan doesn't ask for help, but he accepts it when Jaekyung forces it on him. Case in point, when Dan faints in the pool in Episode 28. But when Jaekyung can very clearly see Dan is struggling in Episode 53, Dan doesn't ask for help. He just takes care of it and moves on. Jaekyung didn't have to act. Dan just did it. And that's odd, to Jaekyung. And I think Jaekyung was quite ready to act, and confused when he didn't have to, despite his irritation, despite his attempts at being distant, despite his vitriol, despite everything.

It's also entirely possible that Jaekyung's been so focused on the match that in this one instance where he finally, after stonewalling Dan, is paying attention to the guy, and is just unused to things not being the same as he remembered them.

Jaekyung of course massively misreads this whole situation. He assumes Dan was already thinking of leaving at this point rather than Dan is acting on Jaekyung's instructions, or that Dan left because of a bunch of things coming together after the match.

We also have the moment Jaekyung goes to Dan's room, finds the resignation letter, spends some time searching the penthouse seemingly for Dan... and then goes back to Dan's room, looking sad.

And then he sits on Dan's bed. He has en entire penthouse with at least one other bed that is his in it. But he chooses to come back here, after he was angry at Dan for having the resign without permission. And he sits on the bed. And looks at the jacket Dan left neatly behind.

His expression is so... sad? Disappointed? Conflicted? He clearly misses Dan. He picks up the jacket and thinks back to when Dan nervously asked if he could take it. He's so alarmed by the flashback he throws the jacket aside. This is pining.

And then we get to when Jaekyung finally reads the birthday letter in Episode 55. The thing I wrote this whole mess about.

Dan writes, "I truly appreciate everything you've done for me. . . I got you a little something for your birthday as a token of my gratitude. . . . I know I"m not perfect, but I'll do my best to work even harder. I hope to work with you for many more years." It is painfully honest, and also goes along with his comments to Jaekyung in Episode 45 that he is grateful. However, recall that in Episode 45, Dan states, "I wanted to be honest with my feelings towards you." (Bolding mine). When Jaekyung is condescending about Dan's possible feelings, Dan avoids saying he loves Jaekyung, and instead insists, "I wanted to show you that I... ...am grateful. That's all." Same language. Jaekyung - outside knowing about Dan's confession while high - has no reason (other than obliviousness) to believe that Dan was planning to say anything else. He didn't believe Dan would. Or perhaps didn't want to.

And yet the letter, which mirrors Dan's comments, has one notable change: Dan started to write out, "To be hon", which was likely, "To be honest". And just fell back on the gratitude and happy birthday wishes. If the birthday letter were no different than what Dan said in person, there would be no reason for Dan to cross out the part about his being honest. Crossing it out indicates Dan wanted to say something else, but chose not to. It's also extremely obvious in that light that the last sentence of the card is awkward phrasing meant to replace something else.

Suddenly, Jaekyung has some confirmation Dan meant to say more/something else. That Dan wasn't just grateful. Or wishing Jaekyung a happy birthday. And he didn't say it.

Suddenly, everything Jaekyung has thought is blown out of order. Not only did Dan leave without being given permission, not only was Jaekyung wrong about whatever Dan was confessing... There's also more to it.

Could Dan have felt more? Could that drugged up confession have been more genuine than Jaekyung assumed?

(Not to mention that "years" comment: Dan planned to work with and perhaps live with and be with Jaekyung for years, plural)

And this leads into Episode 61, when Jaekyung thinks, "I'll finally be able to sort out... ...these confusing feelings."

I think Jaekyung wants a love confession from Dan in some form, even if he probably can't imagine it in those terms. I think he's also wary of it, and partially just needs other people to need him more than he needs them, because he views needing other people as a vulnerability (despite his reliance on other people, whether it's his coaches, Team Black, doctors, or the various other people who help make his success a thing). It is also extremely obvious he's been down hard for Dan from the get-go, whether it's when he was drawn to Dan from their first treatment session (confirmed in Episode 56), his obsessive calling Dan to get Dan hired in Episode 5, his repeated demonstrations of territoriality over Dan, or the lengths to which he's gone to support Dan when he did not at all have to (and which he excused as being done out of self-interest or for other people). He's avoidant of his own feelings, he still thinks that Dan could only want him for his money, and I certainly don't think Dan's in any mental space to confess his own messy feelings, especially after all the stuff Jaekyung's done. Jaekyung needs to realize that if he wants more from Dan, he needs to be kinder, more open about his own feelings rather than focusing on his career, and think more about his part in screwing everything up.

But anyway. Back to obsessively rereading while waiting for the next update.

[mrs-monaghan]

Hi Shaz, It’s my birthday today but I need cheering up. Can you hit me up with some of your favourite underrated jikook moments and why 💜💛🐰🐤 (and if people can comment some of theirs too if they have any)

First things first, HBD Anon!!!! 🎉🎉🎈🎈🎉🎊🎊🎂🎂🎂🍾🍾🍷🍷🍹🍺🍺🍸🥂🍸🥂🎂🎈🎈

Smile today, don't let anyone bring you down. No matter what. 💜💜

Second of all, u guys that keep sending me asks about my ___ Jikook moments, you are killing me! It's torture. To have to choose from what we have is really hard y'all. It's not easy.

But okay, my favourite underrated Jikook moments. Let's get into it. Again, HBD!! 🎈🎈🎈

Number 1 >> Decoration tah!

For the life of me I cannot explain why I love this moment as much as I do. I just know it puts the biggest smile on my face whenever it comes up in a compilation I'm watching. Idk what it is, I just think this moment is wholesome AF. And when JK reacted to it I DIED!!!! It was everything to me, i was so happy. Of course its underrated, coz they're not really doing anything. Just laughing about and having a good time enjoying each other's company. But I love 2 see it. 😍😍

Number 2>> JK preparing a plate for them and Jimin turning to JK to ask for more soup.

It's so domestic 😭 Because this is how they are on their normal day to day lives. Like Jin told us; JK is Jimin's chef. And as we already saw, JK always makes sure Jimin is very well fed, always. Even blows the soup for him if it's hot and we have seen him feed Jimin many times. This moment, no one talks about, but I just really like it.

Number 3>> When JK was there for Jimin when he got nervous

It criminal that this isn't one of the most popular Jikook moments. The way JK was giving Jimin ALL his attention. The way he was nodding along in encouragement. The way he got closer when Jimin made that mistake. The way JK didn't move back into position until he was sure Jimin had gotten back on track. This moment was e👏🏾very👏🏾thing👏🏾 and I wish we talked about it more. JK did so well as Jimin's boyfriend there. He showed up. He really fucking showed up. I respect this man so damn much for always showing up.

I enjoyed Jeonssy's analysis of this moment. You can watch it here if you like.

Number 4>>> Jimin, kneeling, doing that thing with his tongue while looking up at JK 👀

I think the reason Jikookers don't talk about this moment it's because of how sexually suggestive it is. And you can see the moment Jimin catches himself too. Mans got carried away there for a second. I wasn't around for kitty gang Jimin but I believe it when people say he was wildin'. Like Jimin, please, we know you get down on your knees for the Jungkonda, we did not need a visual. 🙈🙈🙈

I high key love that moment very, very much. 🥵

Number 5>> Jungkook waiting and waiting and waiting for Jimin all because his boyfriend asked him to.

Aish. Y'all don't get it. JK was among the first people who finished. This is episode 126-127. They're some of my favourite episodes that I rewatch all the time. They were so good. Anyway, Mr. Competitive finished 2nd so he was gonna go be among the first people to go home. And he was excited too! But then Mimi said 2 words: Jungkookah, wait. And that's all she wrote 🤭🤭🤭

Y'all aren't getting it. This was actually huge. I wouldn't do that for my sister and I love that bitch. If I finish a game first, and she kept losing and losing and kept me waiting for an hour I would take off. Shit, I'd take off after 20 minutes. You know who I'd wait for though? My partner 😂 Because that's just how it works. Jimin has the boyfriend privilege. Sure this was him being in charge but also this was JK listening to his man and doing exactly what he said. Now I'm thinking about Bon voyage season 4 when JK stayed by the doorway and didn't move simply because Jimin asked. Who said JK doesn't listen to Jimin again? 🤭

Anyway, JK couldn't wait to leave. We can tell by how happy he was when Jimin won rock paper scissors, and yet, he didn't mind waiting for as long as he did for Jimin who finished last. This moment is massive and I think it should be treated as such. 😔

Number 6>> When JK did this.

He probably just wanted to touch his baby. But also, it looks like he made Jimin stop. And Jimin listened and stood there and they did that adorable dance together. The dance part is not underrated. But the way JK touched Jimin is. And I absolutely love this cute, soft moment.

Number 7>> Speaking of touching. This compilation of Jikook touching on stage for the sake of touching. It's actually really subtle and kudos to the Armys who first noticed this is a thing that they do. Jikook absolutely love the stage. JK was asked when he feels most connected to the members and he said he loves when him and Jimin high five on stage. That's when he feels the most connected. He singled out Jimin even though the question was about all of them. And this thing where they touch like this for no reason whatsoever, proves his statement to be true. I freaking love them!

Number 8>> When JK was asked to rate the members and he finally put Jimin as number one. Everyone always talks about JK putting Jimin last in the past. But I'm not sure this moment gets the hype it deserves. This question was stupid AF to begin with but whatever. What I love about this moment is how JK didn't even bother to rate anyone else. He just said Jimin is the most handsome according to his own personal criteria, and then left it at that. Almost like he only cared that Jimin knew he was number one. He wanted Jimin to know he was done playing games. So rating the rest was irrelevant when he'd already made his point.

I also don't think Jimin was expecting this which is a bit sad, idk. But I'm sure he appreciated not being ranked last. Again. However i don't think that was ever going to happen. By this time JK was done pretending he didn't like Jimin on and off camera. He'd stopped pretending he didn't have feelings for him so I think many of us, much like RM, expected JK to place Jimin first at this particular juncture.

Number 9>> Gaaaaaaah! I love this so freaking much!!!! Okay so Jimin is a blusher. We know this. While when he blushes for JK it can be more intense than for other members, Jimin is a blusher. Its a thing he does. JK on the other hand, not so much. Which is why I love this so fucking much. 😍😍 My other underrated moment is JK blushing for Jimin. I literally never see people talk about this even though JK doesn't blush or get shy for anyone else apart from Jimin. I mean look at this!!!

I said look at this!!! Are you looking??

You guys don't listen to me. Did you see?? Especially the black swan one??? Shiet. A bashful JK? Sign me up! JK does not blush for other people. He's not a blusher. Only Jimin can make him that shy. Do y'all get it? This side of JK is reserved for Jimin and Jimin only. He's the only one that affects JK this way. Aaaaah feels. 😭😭😭 FEELS.

It's criminal, absolutely criminal that people overlook shy, blushy JK. I love to see it. I love it so much. I could watch it all day.

Last but not least. Number 10>> This.

I mean, what is wrong with you people? Honestly. By you people I mean antis because... okay first of all, lets watch the video. Not the first part where they sing to eo. That's definitely not an underrated moment. I mean the second part at the concert.

Tweet

Did you see that?

JK doing that 👆🏽 and Jimin doing this, these 2 moments sit at the same table. They outed themselves here guys. And no one was listening. They are telling us look, its him. Its him. They took risks and said fuck it. And they got away with it. Like they get away with everything else. Smh 😑

They literally outed their relationship guys. We should be freaking out more. That moment at that concert is super underrated. And it requires Eagle eyed army to see it. But damn, JK really did that. Wow.

Just wow.

Anyway anon. That's all I got for now. Happy birthday once again. If Jikook isn't real, then neither I'm I.

[wowpindrop]

Reunited | Ed Gamble

For: anon

Request:

I think it’s absolutely messed up how there is no Ed Gamble fic’s and was wondering if you can do a fluffy one for him? I’m not sure at all what it be about and will happily leave that to you but I am ADHD (Inattentive and distractible type) and was wondering if you could include the fic

Summary: you haven't seen Ed for a while due to him being on tour. You are missing him. A lot. Finally you two are reunited.

Notes: Hi! I'm so so sorry that it's taken me this long to write this. I've just started college so life has been very hectic and it took me a long while to think of a storyline I was happy with. I hope you like it and happy reading!

You opened your eyes slowly, groaning at the tiredness that washed over you. Checking your phone you glanced at the time.

4am

Great.

Just what you needed for today. You glanced over at the empty left hand side of the bed, and felt that familiar pang of longing.

How you missed Ed.

You two had been together for a couple of years now. However, you had never been apart for this long.

Ed was on tour, with his show Electric, travelling up and down the country performing to hundreds of fans on a nightly basis.

You were proud of him. Of course you were. Doesn't mean that you weren't jealous of those people that got to see him.

You felt your emotions more than the average person. You'd always been that way. That meant that the sadness you felt at not being able to see you're favourite asshole hurt just that little bit more.

Well you certainly weren't getting back to sleep now.

_____________________________________

You got yourself sorted as you always did. Shower, dressed, breakfast.

When finished, you plonked onto your couch and popped on something to watch. Unsurprisingly it was something Ed was in. An old episode of mock the week to be precise.

It made you smile to see the man you loved laughing so hard at his friends jokes.

You watched another episode.

And another.

You didn't know how many episodes you had gone through before your phone buzzed next to you, making you jump.

It was a message.

Your heart lept when you realised it was from Ed.

It was a fairly encrypted message that you couldn't really decipher. It contained four words:

Train station.

30 minutes.

Ed wasn't due home for a few weeks yet so you were very confused as to what he meant.

That's when you realised the time.

12pm.

Shit. How had that long passed already. You hadn't been sitting there for that long. Right?

Shaking that thought aside, you stood up to go to the train station as your boyfriend had requested. Still really confused as to what he was on about.

_____________________________________

You arrived at the train station about 20 minutes later, the hustle and bustle around you common for London at this time of day.

You stood in the main entrance, not really knowing what to do, back facing the doors behind you.

You stood for about 5 minutes, people constantly milling around you. Some running in the hopes that they wouldn't miss their train. Every now and again someone would brush arms with you accidentally, as the station was so busy.

You were beginning to get impatient. That is until you recieved another message.

Look behind you, dumbass

You frowned. The heck was he on about?

You turned, not seeing anything, until you felt a tap on your shoulder.

You spin back around to be faced with him.

Ed.

He was here, infront of you.

"Shit!" You jumped in suprise, not expecting to see him standing there.

"Did you miss me?" He smirked. You wrapped your arms around him, enveloping him in a huge hug. You smiled so glad he was here.

He ruffled your hair, laughing his all too familiar laugh at your delight. He hugged back and you revelled in the feeling of familiarity it brought you.

"I'll take that as a yes then." He teased, pulling back to look you in the eyes.

"What in the everliving fuck are you doing here, you're meant to be in Brighton tonight." You exclaimed, immediately worried that he would miss his gig.

"Eh. It only takes an hour or two by train. Anyway, I wanted to see my favourite gullible prick."

You flicked his forehead at that. Ed made a slight noise of pain as you laughed at his reaction.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you" you admitted, staring into those blue eyes.

"Me too. Me too" he replied.

You hugged again. Comfortable in each others arms.

Time seemed to stand still. It felt so good to be reunited.

_____________________________________

I hope that was alright. Sorry again for the delay.

I love Ed sm and the fact that there is no fanfiction for him is abysmal. Hopefully this makes up for that.

Hope you have a great day or rest of day!

[tia-amorosa]

Episode 13: First concerns?

The next morning. It's just after 9:30 a.m. when Beau comes home after driving Emily to school and doing a few small things. The girl didn't want to take the school bus there on the first day. When he came in the door, he saw his wife sitting on the sofa. But she seemed slightly absent. “Victoria, is everything all right?”.

When he turned his gaze to the same spot where his wife was looking, he gradually understood why she was so quiet at the moment. “You did… Didn't we want to do this together?”. She looked up at him, no further expression on her face. “I know… I'm sorry, I was… Just terribly curious… Beau”. Her voice sounded taken. “What, is something wrong?”.

When he realized how nervous she was, he sat down next to her. “What are they writing? Have we brought a ticking time bomb into our house or…"/ „Oh God, no“ she laughed a little for a moment. But then she immediately became serious again. “That poor girl has been through so much in her young life, it's unbelievable.” Beau took a quick look at the many sheets of paper lying on the table, then looked back at his wife. “Okay, let's talk about it”.

Victoria also looked over all the sheets of paper she had spread out on the table and collected her thoughts once again. “Well, I… I don't know where to start. Well, when she was born, her mother was heavily addicted to drugs, and had probably been for some time. The little one was born with severe withdrawal symptoms. Also… babies born to drug-addicted mothers often have severe malformations of the brain or heart”.

“does Emily have…"/ ”such birth defects? No, that's the amazing thing. Despite her mother's severe addiction, she's perfectly healthy. It's just that the withdrawal symptoms must have been very severe. That's actually bordering on a miracle. “ Victoria gestured excitedly with her hands. / “And what about her mother now?”

Victoria leaned back a little on the sofa. “The letter said that she wouldn't have been able to look after Emily due to her severe addiction. She have tried rehab several times, but always relapsed. The drugs were probably more important to this woman than her own child"/ ‘I think … once you've been heavily addicted, you can't get away from it’.

“Hh, yes. Her mother took her own life about a year after Emily was born. We don't know anything about the father."/ ‘And what about the rest of the family?’/ ”They all had some kind of problem and didn't want to take the little one into their care. She was very difficult in the first two years, cried a lot and had tantrums”.

“In the end, someone in her family decided to give Emily up for adoption. “/ “So she's not an orphan, she's just…”/ “Unwanted. Then she was with different foster families, for different lengths of time. But she didn't feel particularly at home anywhere. The whole thing went on for almost 5 years”.

“So they decided to put her in an orphanage. She was there for 4 years"/ ‘that must have been terrible for her’/ ”Well, not so much, according to the reports. She seems to have developed very well, she's very intelligent, inquisitive… And she's been examined a lot to see if she might have any developmental disorders. Hn, now i understand why she doesn't like doctors very much.“.

“I would have that too if they kept sending me to them to get checked out. At some point you no longer have any trust…"/ ”Mhm. Well, anyway, there have often been encounters with potential adoptive parents who would have liked to take her. But she really has a mind of her own. “/ “Sounds familiar, hn,” Beau said with a deep laugh.

The two were silent for a moment. Until Victoria turned to her husband. “Do you think she chose us for any particular reason?"/ ”Who knows. And if she did, then of course I hope it was for a good reason.” She looked down at her hands for a moment. “I've had a good feeling about her so far, Beau. I'm just… A little scared“/”of what?”.

She looked her husband in the eye again and her voice became a little softer. “She's still so innocent, Beau and I… I don't want her to go off the rails one day… Like her mother"/ ”Hey, it doesn't have to happen again, okay? We'll teach her the right values and teach her what's good and what's bad. And I'm sure she'll know a lot of things for herself and find out for herself”.

“Don't worry about it. I have a lot of contact with other parents through my work and we still have our friends. So if we ever need help, we're not alone…”. Victoria held his hand tightly in hers. “You're right. We can do this together. I can't wait to see how her first school day goes"/ ‘I'm sure she'll tell you about that later’. She smiled and gave her husband a kiss. “I'm going to put the papers away now. That's Emily's past. Let's concentrate on the future now.” He nodded at her. They had a big responsibility now and knew how to deal with the situation.

---------------------------------------------------------

@greenplumbboblover , @solorisims , @plumbobgothica ⭐

[zurajanaizurakoda]

Katsura's Lasik Adventure

This post is still on my mind, where Elizabeth discovers that Katsura has always had bad eyesight but hates Amanto technology and refuses to acknowledge that there's anything wrong with him. Specifically when I suggested Elizabeth would want to perform non-consensual Lasik on him while he slept. I'd like to clarify that non-consensual activities are normally very bad but this is a scenario that would very much happen in Gintama, wouldn't be weird by their standards, and would make you laugh. So anyway,

(mild warning for comedic violence, especially if you don't like eye trauma)

Gin and Elizabeth accidentally knock Katsura out while fighting over whether they knock him out or drug him (Of course Gin is on this shit, Elizabeth showed up and indicated through signs that she intended to fuck with Katsura-san in a way that is morally indefensible and technically felony assault, but in the end would be beneficial to him and might even help keep him safe and Gin didn't even put up a pretense of asking for a payment, he was down with that.

(to be fair, I think Gin feels this way about anyone vulnerable to social degradation)

Also, yes, they were arguing about how to kidnap Katsura right in front of him, he's famous for not paying attention.

So anyway, he's already unconscious so why look a gift horse in the mouth. It takes them all of fifteen seconds to convince the Lasik people that Katsura was nervous and got drunk before the procedure (because Gintama) and (because Gintama) it's either a 5 second procedure reminiscent of scanning a barcode or it's a lengthy horror scene reminiscent of the dentist episode where Katsura is strapped into a machine in a blatant rip-off of Clockwork Orange and you don't see the procedure, just the increasingly distressed looks on Gin and Elizabeth's faces as you hear sounds of power tools that should not under any circumstances be used around eyes. You know there is no in between.

In any case Katsura is fine by the next scene and they leave him where he was knocked out. As he's waking up it occurs to them they never came up with a reason for his eyesight to change and as Katsura sees leaves on trees for the first time they run through a dozen unlikely scenarios before they settle on convincing him he must have hit his head in the exact right spot to activate superhuman vision. (Medically plausible! Didn't you hear about that one guy in that one place?) And within a minute Katsura's convinced that his eyesight was always fine but now it's omniscient.

He proceeds to lecture Gin and Elizabeth on their poor eyesight, drawing attention to things any sane person would notice normally like he's unveiling clues at a crime scene, laughs boisterously about everything and being generally insufferable until they mutually decide to kick his ass (most Katsura-centric plots involve this in some way)

To everyone's surprise, he becomes more clumsy (because he's distracted by everything) and his swordsmanship becomes significantly worse (because he's used to fighting based on sound and vague movement and all the new visual information is confusing and overwhelming) And for a week or two Elizabeth and the Yorozuya are forced to shadow him and keep him out of trouble like a Buttons and Mindy episode (90's kids, amirite?)

[arsenal-womens-1]

I know it’s not football related but I had an idea and I ran with it

————————————————————————————

We all have our own secrets. Some can build worlds, some can destroy them, and a rare few can do both. The secret Lilly and I share is one of those. You'd think, being nearly 2024, it wouldn't matter... but nothing is ever that simple.

That's why I'm writing this down. Not for anyone in particular. Maybe this will never see the light of day, but after everything Lilly and I have been through, I think it would make an interesting book. Maybe it will, but for now, I'm writing this just for us.

The beginning wasn't dramatic—no stolen glances, no instant spark. It was just a normal day. Well, apart from being forced to go to work with my mom since I had been suspended again. It was nothing special—just another day on set... until she walked in.

The room, green eyes, brown hair that went to the middle of her back. She was small, maybe 5'5", maybe 5'4". Something about her just made the whole room stop. I didn't know it yet, but that girl would become one of the most important things in my life in just a matter of weeks.

I didn't know it then, but that day was the start of something. Over the course of the next week, I went to work with my mom more than I cared to admit. Over that week, I'd just watch her—the way her smile lit up the room, the way her laugh would fill the room. It wasn't until they were shooting episode 5 of Gap that I had the courage to talk with her. She only had one scene that day, and it was just us in the makeup room. Everyone else was needed elsewhere. I still don't know where I got the courage from, but in that moment, I spoke. I barely recognized my own voice—it was soft.

"Hey."

She looked up at me—her eyes, God, her eyes, the most beautiful shade of green.

"Hey."

Though it was just one word, that one word changed both of our lives.

The next few days were different. We didn't say much, just "hi" to each other, but something had changed. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was an unspoken shift—like the air between us had thickened, and every glance felt like it carried weight.

Every time I would look at her, my heart would speed up. I'd catch myself looking at her, and when she saw me, I would look away.

It went on like that for a while—just sharing fleeting looks and glances. We didn't say anything to each other other than the usual small talk. Then one day, we were left alone again. I was sitting in one of the chairs, just scrolling through my phone, when someone sat down next to me. Looking up, I saw her green eyes.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" Her voice was soft and quiet, almost like a whisper.

"You can sit," I said. My voice was a bit shaky, as I wasn't expecting her to sit with me.

But there she was, sitting right next to me, like it was the most normal thing in the world. I don't know why it felt so surreal. I think part of it was because I'd always been a shadow here. Even when I was living in England with my dad, nobody ever acknowledged me. I was just the kid everyone found weird. Mom and Dad thought it would be best if I came here—a new start and all. Though I know the real reason was because Dad's new wife didn't like me. I'm not sure he even did. So here I was, willingly sitting next to me—it was different. I was 18 years on this planet and nobody had ever willingly done that.

The silence between us wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, it was kind of nice. I could feel the warmth of her presence next to me, like she belonged there. But I still couldn't shake the unease gnawing at me. My palms felt clammy, and I wasn't sure if I should say something or if the quiet was better.

"Are you always this quiet?" she asked. Her voice was soft and light.

"I... guess so. Nobody ever really talked to me."

That seemed to genuinely upset her. Her lips twitched into a small frown.

"That's a shame. You seem interesting."

I chuckled a bit. I'd been called everything but interesting.

"You think I'm interesting?"

She didn't get the chance to respond before someone called her, saying she was needed.

"Give me your arm."

Without thinking, I passed it to her. She looked around for a moment before her eyes landed on what she was looking for—a pen.

"It's my number. Text me."

I just stared at her in disbelief.

"Your... number?"

A mischievous grin spread across her face.

"Yeah, text me when you get a chance."

I sat there for a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. She had given me her number. Why would she do that? A few of the main cast came in. I had gotten to know a few of them well from how many times I'd been forced to come to set with my mom. I just pulled out my phone, as I didn't really feel like talking. My heart felt like it was about to pound out of my chest. I decided to text her and see if she had actually given me her number or someone else's.

"Hey, this is Alexia. You said to text you."

I hit send. The minutes felt like hours, then the three dots popped up.

"Hey, Alexia. I'm glad you texted. I was scared you wouldn't."

The words hit me like a wave, and I could feel the tension in my shoulders ease just a little. It was crazy how something as simple as a text could make everything feel lighter, like the world had tilted slightly back into place.

"I was scared you wouldn't"—she had been worried too. That thought lingered in my mind, and for a moment, I let myself breathe easier. Maybe I wasn't the only one overthinking things.

"I was thinking about not texting you. I didn't know if you were serious or not."

"I'm glad you did. I've been wanting to give you it for a while now. I just didn't figure out how to give it to you."

I don't really remember the next three days, apart from texting back and forth about random stuff. I'd been let back in school, and we only had a limited time to text, but it was the weekend, and we both had nothing on. She wasn't needed on set until the last episode, so she was free a lot. It was around 8 in the morning when I woke up to a text from her.

"Hey, I was wondering if you didn't have anything today, would you want to do something with me?"

I sat there for a bit, blinking at the screen, trying to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. She really did ask if I wanted to hang out with her. My heart started to beat faster, and a smile spread across my face as I quickly typed back.

"Yeah, I don't have anything planned. What did you have in mind?"

Seconds passed, and the three dots were back. My nerves spiked again.

"I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk and get something to eat."

I stared at the message for a moment, my heart racing at the thought of spending time with her. It felt surreal, but at the same time, everything in me was pulling me toward saying yes. I quickly typed back, "That sounds perfect."

The reply came back almost instantly.

"Great, I'll pick you up in an hour then."

[leos-soggy-wolf-nuts]

Green Flag: Leo x Kinda-self-insert Episode 3

This is the first episode of this fic I'm writing after reading every route of Echo, so if you notice some kind of change (although, I doubt anyone is paying that much attention) that's probably why; Enjoy!

First disclaimer: I don't know how being a store manager works.

A disclaimer I'll bring over from Episode 1: I do not know how car insurance works.

"So...who's the wolf guy?" asks Ken, the pig who works the till. Ken is a brown-eyed, black-haired, nosey asshole. As his manager, I'll say that he's a good employee. As his friend, I'll say that he very consciously exploits my tendency to overshare. I ignore his question.

"You got a boyfriend, La-nee-oh-ell?"

My name tag at work says 'Lnioel'. He knows I hate it when he calls me that, and I groan accordingly. "He's just driving me to work, my car's a piece of crap."

"And it stinks, too." he retorts.

"Sure did after you were in there." I say under my breath, but loud enough for him to hear.

"Tch. Spiecist." he jokes as he stocks denim jeans on a shelf. The entrance bell dings, and we hush up and do our jobs, the clock ticking in tandem with the low-volume inoffensive music that fills the air for hours, and hours, and hours...and hours...until I'm numb and bleary-eyed.

The door rings again, and in its wake a wolf with red fur. I perk up, and smile a little, though the brain fog has only barely begun to clear. He spots me and walks over.

"It's quitting time, yeah?"

Ken raises his brows at me. I ignore him and check the clock. It's 5 on the dot.

"You're punctual, aren't you?" I say.

"Waiting is a pain. Didn't want to leave you hanging."

I smile at him, and go to get my stuff organized in the office. Papers go back in drawers, and my keys go back in my pocket. It's muscle memory, just like every other part of this job. The monotony is shattered, suddenly, as Leo leans conspicuously on the desk of the office. He's in another good mood.

"You do a lot of managing today?" he asks as I continue to move junk around. I snort.

"I don't even remember. Autopilot, the whole day, I swear."

"Amnesia." he says, enunciating the 'sia'. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

I look over at him with an incredulous expression. He's holding his hands out at me, his thumbs tucked behind his palms, out of view. He's grinning, though a gentle air pushes out of his teeth every half-second. He's trying not to laugh. I jokingly scowl at him and look back at my papers, which I'm trying to avoid showing him, as they're mostly doodles.

"Amnesia wouldn't make my eyes worse, thankfully," I say, suddenly a little too aware of how smudged my glasses are, "but even if I was an amnesiac, I'd have trouble forgetting you."

Bold. Intentionally. Oozing with plausible deniability.

Thankfully, it seems I won't have to deny anything. The wolf slides closer to me. "I'm on your mind, ciervo?"

He's close enough that I can feel his body heat.

And I wanna feel it all over me.

My antlers clack against the wall, and I clear my throat, unsure how to keep playing it cool. Is he just toying with me?

I don't mind being a toy.

Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Okay. I turn my body to lean against the desk just like he is, arms crossed, nonchalant, all casual smiles and ambient machismo.

"Nothing better to think about." I say.

That sounds stupid, but he gets the idea, sliding next to me, then twisting himself to stand right in front of me, so close our knees are touching.

"No boning in the office!" Ken shouts from outside, sounding only semi-serious. Leo and I chuckle, and I feel a pang of loss as he gets further away, beckoning me to join him outside. I spank him on the way out, making his tail jump. As we near the exit, Ken mockingly makes his hands kiss while Leo has his back turned. I flip him off and join the wolf outside. Night is just beginning to touch the horizon, the orange of the sky highlighting Leo's color, just as it had in the morning.

Leo snaps his fingers, remembering something. "I looked at your car today. You mind if I bring you to sign some stuff?" Leo says as the evening air swallows me. I nod. We board the chihuahua, and I grip my seatbelt as Leo slams down on the gas pedal. I'm less stressed out by his driving this time, flowing with the g-force.

CRASH!

"Puchica."

[gardenerian]

Mel I am wondering when you think Ian told Mickey about Monica. When Ian had his first low episode, Mickey didn't seem to know what bipolar was or that Monica had it. Fiona said it. And then at the beginning of season 5 they both seemed to be avoiding the whole conversation about Ian being sick at all. And then Ian was hospitalized and then arrested and then Monica came back and then they broke up and then Mickey was arrested. I don't know. When do you think they finally had the time to discuss Monica? Ian's connection to her? How he insists he's not like her? Thanksgiving? I don't know. Just having Monica thoughts today.

how could you do this. you KNOW this is one of my favorite things to discuss 😭 and now i have no choice but to delay my ironing to take this way too far and Upset Myself.... but in a way that i thoroughly enjoy???? come on, chrissy. just gotta - *trips over self to start talking* - ugh. anyways. buckle the FUCK UP.

you're right - the timing never really allowed for any real conversation about her. mickey probably asked after ian came to find him in 1x09 - but it was likely surface level and i doubt there was much actual discussion before the Freezer Bang.

"the fuck was that about, gallagher?"/"psycho mom is back."/"fuck."/"yeah." [fumbling for pants ensues]

maybe mickey heard whispers about monica around the neighborhood, just like anyone had heard them about terry. and ian was still so resentful of her in s1/s2. if they talked about anything to do with monica, it probably wasn't her illness. maybe an offhand comment as they got more comfortable with each other in s2/s3. bonding over shitty parents - but not a lot of detail, i wouldn't think. there just wasn't time!

i don't think he talked about her at all in s4/s5. not to anyone. he was too sick and probably too deluded about his time with her. it had to confusing - to be so defensive of her, to want to connect with her, but also to still resent her and feel so viscerally offended at being compared to her? not to mention all the drugs and sexual trauma that resulted from being with her..... while suffering through vast changes and mood swings on top of that? impossible to sort through.

and part of s6 (i think) was internalizing it all. he's so fucking depressed in that season. remind me to go off on that another time. i don't think they would have really talked about her in the s7b arc, either - he probably wanted to talk about his job and laugh and fuck and soak up that time with mickey in the sun.

and then s8. i cannot speak of it askjfh he had nO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT HER AND I KNOW MICKEY WOULD HAVE LISTENED I AM SICK ABOUT IT.

so i really think their first real conversation about her must have been in prison. isn't that wild? mickey probably picked up clues over the course of their relationship, and he definitely learned about bipolar disorder. but as much as we like to think that ian is chatty and emotional and soft.......... he's a closed book about certain things. and monica + their illness is absolutely part of that. so mickey hearing about monica FROM IAN probably took all these years. not for ian to trust him or anything - but i think. just time for ian to find the vocabulary. and the time. and just to be able to talk about it without so much pain.

so it probably starts with ian talking about what happened, everything that led to the van. losing her and losing mickey, feeling lost. mourning her alone. getting sick and losing control without seeing it again. feeling powerful and special until suddenly it was all over.

i think he probably wanted to be truly heard, finally, by someone that loves him. the siblings tried (mostly), but their own experiences with her clouded it over. which makes sense! but i think as they settled in, and as they told each other the stories that made their time apart, monica finally came into play.

how hard it was to lose such a complicated figure..... how he was the only one (save for carl, who was away at school) that didn't have a last happy moment with her. how his last moments with her were so hurtful and angry. but how he saw her and she saw him. she loved him, she made him feel special, even if she never came through for him. and he'll never see her smile again - and how, despite the pain she caused, he probably always thought he'd see it again.

at first, i think it was about mourning and connecting. letting it all out. they trade their horror stories about mexico, the cartel, the shelter and church, gay jesus..... the recent past, ya know? but then i think that the routine will get to him.

it's good, the structure. wake up, meds, work, downtime, meals, lights out. but i also think that the monotony would get to him before too long. the agitation as he is still recovering from a major episode. so i think that's when he'll start to get frustrated.

because he always said he wasn't like her, right? it drives him in many ways. to avoid putting himself and his family through that pain. but look where he is - he didn't flee, like she might have. he didn't drag his family into the legal battles, either. he's doing his time and trying to make it right.

but with the boredom and frustration and stagnation.... he's gotta wonder how much better he's doing. god. how SLOW recovery feels when the progress is not so visible, and when you have so much more to build up. he lost his job. and i think he'd talk about her more here. how he feared this. how scared he is that this is it. or how his family must be feeling about him now. her stealing from them, leaving them behind, putting them in danger. traumatizing her children on thanksgiving because she could never just get help and stick with it. it'll scare them both, talking about that day. but he's never really had the chance before - life just kept happening.

and this is where mickey kinda gets the earlier picture, i think. the things that were happening in s1/s2 come out. things he'd heard about in passing and pieced together. only now more directly from ian, finally. and his final break in s5 would probably come up here, too. particularly taking yev and ending things with mickey.

this is what they'll work on together. probably always, but starting while they're together all the time in prison. ian's fears of becoming unreliable, unworthy, and irredeemable. mickey's fears of never being able to keep him safe and close, of never being free together again. they'll heal over time together, always working at it.

now - the s4/s5 era. i think that's harder. i still don't think he's talking about all that yet. still vague mentions of being with her, of random memories that might pop up. but this era - the club, the men, the drugs, the uncontrolled mania, the crash. this is more intensive. i'm thinking this is a longer process. i'm not sure what the catalyst is. i'd hoped storylines like 11x03 and HOS might spark it.... in an ideal world, if i were in charge, it would be around here. and your fic, too, with tami and ian working through things together. feeling steady and stable, at last, in a way that allows him to talk about it and heal.

he and mickey have SO MUCH trauma. maybe after frank passes, they have a bit of a wakeup call. life is happening! here it is! to give themselves their best chance, they gotta do some work. so........ hopefully they'll keep talking about her. and not just the hurt! i like to think that mickey will give ian the space to remember her laugh, and the way her fingers felt in his hair. his mom. maybe they'll bring her flowers now and then.

and mickey will know her and ian will remember her, and she won't be such a ghost. she'll just be a fact of his life. someone to learn from, even now. i think ian will always be a little sad for her, but i think the gallaghers will all let go of their rage in time. frank and monica were who they were, and they gave the gallaghers each other. that's huge. ian will always work to live the life his mother never could, and he'll always have mickey there to tell him how well he's doing 🥺

i'm fine, why do you ask????

[artickroyale]

father

hawks x gn!reader {platonic}

(ft. tokoyami)

req: me (s....someone please......reque..../nf)

reader desc.: (this is for if i have the reader be forced to wear something/have a quirk) ok so you're covered head to toe in bandages (not like a cast but like you look like a partially unwrapped mummy)

desc: hawks w/ a child....that was rescued from the lov because they were gonna turn you into a nomu...you didn't wanna go into any foster homes so hawks just let you stay with him..you're like 15-16 in this though

you swung up from the couch, sweating and panting like crazy. your head turned this way and that to look around the room you were in. you noticed the bag of groceries on the kitchen island you forgot to put away yesterday and sighed. these last 3 months have had your head twisted.

you got up from the couch—you had a choice if you wanted a bed, but to you the couch was far more comfortable—and started to put away the groceries. you looked at the clock by the windowsil and it read '2:56'. dad doesn't get up until 5 or 6... so he won't see me if im up this early, you thought. you had the habit of thinking people were gonna be mad if you were up before 5 or so, a habit you developed while you were in there.

the leauge of villians hideaway. the place that was covered head to toe in ants and flies. the place that made you shake every time you thought about it. oh well. you decided not to dwell on the past and instead grab (fav snack) {if your food item has to be microwaved lets just pretend its already hot...or something...} out of the bag. you plopped down on the couch and began eating. you grabbed the t.v. remote, making sure to turn it down so you wouldn't wake your father.

after 5 episodes of the same trashy adult sitcom you heard your dads bed creaking, a sign he was up and awake. you quickly threw your (fav snack) container away and moved back to the couch, snuggling into the covers. you quickly grabbed the remote and turned the t.v. off, closing your eyes.

you heard the door open and your heart dropped. you kept telling yourself that he wasn't going to hurt you, but you couldn't convince yourself. you felt your dad come over and scratch your head.

'hey, i heard the t.v. you don't haveta fake sleep around me kid.' he spoke in a calm and tired tone, still ruffling your hair.

you slowly opened your eyes, sighing and sitting up.

's-sorry..' you looked away from your father.

'it's alright kid. if you're wondering, the t.v. didn't wake me up, you're fine and safe with me, haha.' he let go of your hair, noticing the grocery bag was gone. he looked back at you and realized you probably got up before him again.

'hey, i was wondering if you'd like to go on patrol with your old man today? you seem like you need a pick-me-up.' hawks smiled at you, putting his hands behind his head. your eyes shot up at him.

'patrol..? l-like..“im gonna get swarmed with fans” patrol?' you played with your fingers a bit, eyes dropping down to your lap. hawks shrugged.

'ill just tell em to ffff— piss off. how does that sound?' he went to the fridge and grabbed some apples while talking to you.

'uh, well..i don't..have a hero costume or anything, w-wouldn't it look weird?' you laughed a bit, your dad going over and sitting next to you, handing you an apple. you took it and took a bite.

'eh, just put on a cool-looking jacket and some pants. boom, hero costume!' your dad laughed and so did you. he was pretty convincing.

'alright, ill go find something to wear.' you got up and dashed into the guest room he had, closing the door to change. you found a black undershirt and a heavy but loose black jacket with red orange and blue stripes. then, you put on some tights and loose-fitting cargo pants that went down in between your knee and your calf. finally, you put on some tennis shoes and called it done. you went out of your room and sat on the couch, waiting.

'hey kid! when were patrolling—' he opened the bathroom door, half-dressed. '—when were patrolling, i can't have you callin' me dad or anything. im not trying to be mean, i just don't want you bombarded with reporters anytime you step foot out of the apartment, alright?' he held a thumbs up to you.

'so...would that mean i need a hero name?' you stretched, some of your muscles popping and cracking. hawks snapped his fingers.

'i forgot about that. how about we call you (hero name) for now, alright?' hawks threw his jacket on, his wings getting caught. finally, he pulled them through, out on full display. you've always wanted to touch your fathers wings, but they were probably sensitive so you scratched that off your list.

'hey, grab your backpack. after patrolling, ill get more stuff so we can make tacos tonight, deal?' your dad threw you your backpack and you put it on.

'ah, thank you hawks.' you smiled and hawks looked back at you, surprised.

'i-im just getting the hang of it! i don't wanna slip up when were out there, s-so....' you trailed off. hawks laughed and lifted you onto his back.

'ready to fly, kid?'

'....wha-what!?' and with that, hawks jumped out of the window with you on his back, soaring through the sky to his hero agency.

once you two got to his hero agency, he let you down as you both reached his office and went in. you felt like you were almost gonna throw up you were so dizzy. once you got inside, you had to stable yourself on your fathers desk. hawks checked the clock behind his desk.

'alright kid, we just have to wait for ts—' hawks was ultimately cut-off by a boy with a ...bird for a head..!? running in.

'a-am i late?' he looked at hawks worriedly and shook his head no. the bird boy looked at you, and then hawks, and back to you.

'who is this?' he pointed to you and hawks laughed, putting a hand on your back.

'this is my kid, (first name), though their hero name is (hero name).' you blushed out of embarrassment and held out a hand. tsukuyomi shook it and looked back at hawks.

'so, you have a...child?'

'yup, rescued em from that big league of villians attack and they've been stuck with me ever since!' hawks laughed.

'nice to meet you, uh shouldn't we get going..?' you smiled at tsukuyomi and then you turned to your father.

'oh, yeah we should. follow me!' hawks grabbed you and sat you on his back again. you soared through the city once more with tsukuyomi trailing behind. once you 3 got to the destination, hawks set you down and tsukuyomi fell down, his quirk...speaking to you.

'your (hero name), right!? im dark shadow, to- i meaaan tsukuyomis quirk aka best friend!' once the quirk spoke, tsukuyomi shooed it away and assured you that it would not happen again. you smiled as hawks rushed you guys for patrol.

'i...i think im dying.' you were holding onto tsukuyomis shoulder as the three of you took a break. your legs felt like jello after walking and running all day, seriously, how does he do it? hawks was ultimately bombarded with fans once you two stepped foot in the shade.

'ah, we will only have to patrol a little while longer. do not worry.' tsukuyomi pat your hand in comfort as you whined and whined into his shoulder. you guys saw what looked to be like a reporter come up to you both.

'tsukuyomi! may i ask you some questions regarding this rare event?' the reporter held her microphone up to tsukuyomi and waited patiently. tsukuyomi looked at you and you just stumbled away, leaving tsukuyomi to answer questions. you rounded a nearby corner and sitting in the shade away from everyone. you sighed heavily, grabbing your backpack and drinking some water that was inside.

then there was you. you and you alone, sitting in the shade while hawks and tsukuyomis fans walked right past you.

'jeez, is this really what he does every day?' you groaned and got up, ready to face the hoard of people. suddenly, someone bumped into you and you fell. hard. you groaned as the green-haired boy panicked and went up to you. he held out a hand, you took it and he pulled you up, letting go.

'i-i am so sorry! are you hurt!?' the green haired boys face was flushed with embarrassment and you laughed.

'no no, i am quite alright, haha..' you looked away from the boy, scratching the back of your head.

'ah thats a relief, sorry again!' he bowed and scurried off to where hawks and tsukuyomi were. you followed behind and when you got there, the crowd was more bigger than when you weren't there. you saw hawks doing multiple things at once and tsukuyomi talking to various reporters. tsukuyomi spotted you, said what looked like a 'sorry' to the person he was talking to and walked over to you.

'there you are.' he placed his hands on your shoulders.

'i was looking all over for you, you had me worried.' tsukuyomi gave you a dissaproving look.

's-sorry tsuku, i was just around the corner away from the crowd was all. sorry i made you worr—' you were cut off by your arms getting pulled and tsukuyomi looking at the jackets torn up elbows.

'ah, what happened? did you fall? are you hurt?' tsukuyomi looked all over for more injuries, but you just calmed him down. you could tell all the reporters were probably looking at you two.

'im fine, someone just bumped into me and i fell. im not hurt or anything.' you reassured him and put your hands on his shoulders, like he did with you.

'hey, wanna see if i can get hawks to let you stay over to have tacos with us?'

'..tacos? ive never had one, but id be willing to try one.'

'you've NEVER had a taco before!? you're missing out on the best food ever!' you shook tsukuyomi so hard that he was dizzy afterwards. you heard footsteps coming towards you two and you looked up.

...

'are you two dating or something? cuz my friends just found our new hero OTP!' the fangirl squealed at you two and you froze, blushing from embarrassment.

...

what?

'...uhm..? d-dating..? n-no no, we are just friends. besides we have only met today..' tsukuyomi looked away from you and the fangirl. you looked at her up and down and then looked at hawks, who noticed you and immediately walked over.

'sorry about that you two, have to speak with the fans, you know?' hawks put a hand on both your shoulders and glanced at the fangirl who squealed and ran away.

'did that girl give you guys any trouble?' hawks looked at you two sternly.

'no we're fine. are you still up for tacos?' you scratched the back of your head awkwardly and hawks nodded.

'oh um, actually,' both your heads snappes to tsukuyomi who looked nervous. '(hero name) was wondering if i could have..tacos with you guys?'

hawks laughed. 'of course you can, luckily we already have the ingredients. alright, lets get out of here. im starving!' hawks picked you up and tsukuyomi got dark shadow on fly-mode or whatever it was and you three went and flew to your guys' house.

you ran into the kitchen, changed from your sweaty jacket to a tanktop and shorts. you saw tokoyami—whos name you learned while flying— sitting where you slept and your dad cooking.

'hey, yours is ready.' hawks held up a plate which had 2 (small/big), (underfilled/overfilled) tacos on it. you grab it, thanking your dad and you shifted over to the couch, sitting next to tokoyami. you almost devoured the two tacos by the time your dad sat next to you.

'jeez, did you even taste them?' he laughed as he handed tokoyami his tacos.

'yeah, and they were good!' you laughed also and got up, putting your plate in the trash. you washed your hands and yawned. you checked the clock.

'holy shi- smokes! its almost 20:00! tokoyami, don't you have school in the morning!?' you looked at tokoyami, who looked panicked as he dried his hands.

'oh, yes i do have school in the morning. thank you for reminding me, takami. (hawks last name is takami so ykyk) im afraid i have to go now.' he quickly got his shoes on and waved goodbye to you both.

'i hope you will join us next patrol.' tokoyami smiled at you and left. your dad elbowed you.

'you and tokoyami, ey?' he snickered.

'b-be quiet dad!' you shoved him and fell down on the couch, laughing.

'love you dad, goodnight.' you closed your eyes and put the blanket over you. your dad kissed your forehead.

'love you too kid.'

(very sorry that this seems rushed! i really wanted to get this one done because i have an oc exactly like this but his dad is present mic lol)

[astridlaufeydottir]

Connor Rhodes x OC(Astrid Halstead)

Based on season 4 episode 20.

Summary: Connor's wife is 39 weeks pregnant and an ER attending. What happens when someone start shooting in the ER?

"Morning Maggie" I said as I entered the ER.

"Morning, Dr Rhodes! Feel up for a patient?" She asked smiling at me.

"Sure, I need something to pass the time and not think about peeing all the time" I reply laughing at my condition. Being 39 weeks pregnant and working in the ER makes it hard not to pee every 10 minutes.

"Treatment 4, here" she said, handing me the tablet.

"HI there! Lily right? I see here you're 38 weeks?"

"Yes"

"I'm dr Rhodes. 39 weeks" I said smiling at her, thinking that will cheer her up. "Family?"

"I'm her father, Joseph Cooper, this is Edie Thompson" the man replied

"I'm not part of the family-"

"She's adopting my baby" my patient said, clearing the situation.

"I see, well if your father and Edie wouldn't mind stepping outside, I'm going to do a pelvic exam, okay? Let me know if anything hurts"

She nodded her head while her father and Edie walk out. I checked her cervix and she was 2 cm dilated already, when I saw her wince in pain.

"Anything hurts?"

"I'm fine."

"Well you're 2 cm dilated already and by the looks of it you're also having contractions"

"Then make it stop!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that once the baby is full term, Lily."

"I don't care! I scheduled a c-section. I sleep, wake up and he's gone!"

I nodded head at her and before I could say anything, another person came in the room.

"Lily?"

"David you can't be here!"

I stepped outside to give them some privacy, but after only 5 minutes Maggie had to call security. I decided to go upstairs to talk to OB about her situation.

"Good news, Lily. The OB will schedule a c-section today. We'll get you up as soon as a bed clears. Excuse me"

After I excused myself, I went to check on April's patient, since Dr Choi had to take care of another.

As me and April were checking the boy, we heard yelling outside, but didn't payed any attention since probably it was the same man from before. That was until we heard gunshots and people yelling at each other.

April was checking what was going, while I was frantically trying to calm the little boy.

"April what's wrong?" I asked as soon as I saw her pale face.

"Was that a gunshot?!" The kid asked, scared out of his mind.

"Astrid...Dr Rhodes has his hand in someone's chest..and a gun pointed at him"

I'm sorry what? A gun? At Connor?

"Connor?" I almost yelled and went to go out and check on him, but April caught me before I walk out the door.

"HEY! Hey! Calm down! Stay put! Keep quiet, he doesn't know we're in here!" She whispered when suddenly the boy couldn't breath.

"Sats going down, he's not breathing"

I checked his lungs, looked like one of his lungs couldn't function properly.

"April, he needs a chest tube"

She handed everything I needed and managed to place the chest tube while she bagged him. We got to stabilize him for the moment.

"Astrid, your legs!"

I looked down and saw my scrubs wet. That could onlyean one thing. "My water broke." At this time I was hyperventilating, I was about to give birth, Connor was God knows where, a lunatic had a gun, Code Silver in the ER.

"HEY! Deep breaths! Everything is going to be fine, okay?"

After breathing with April, I started to calm down. Until I saw my brother Will, covering the windows with bedsheets. Will was here too?!

"WILL?!"

"Astrid? What the hell are you still doing here? You should've been outside by now!"

"April needed my help with her patient..but now my water broke"

"What? Now?!"

"Listen to me, don't tell Connor! I know he's here too, he has a patient with a GSW"

"HEY! What the hell are you doing? Who's there?" Shit! It was the shooter. Before anyone could say something, I saw Connor pushing his patient out and I hid behind the curtains so he couldn't see. That was the last thing he needed right now. I breathed out a long puff of air, mostly relieved he got to sent the person to the OR, but the first contraction hit me already.

"HEY you! Move!" He shouted at Will, but he didn't move. He was looking at me, not knowing what to do. The shooter came inside and forcefully grabbed my arm. I yelped in pain and fear, while April and Will started shouting at him to let me go.

"If you don't shut up, I'll shoot her!"

"Alright, I'll do everything you need, just don't hurt my baby" I said and put a hand on my belly.

"My girlfriend needs a c-section and that doctor is the only one who can. Convince him!" He pushed towards treatment 2 and I realized that Connor's dad got there earlier. Fuck, this got complicated by the minute.

"D-Dr Rhodes?" I asked as soon as he pushed me inside, while holding the gun to my head. It came out barely audible, but Maggie heard me. As soon as she turned around and saw me, she went pale.

"Connor, turned around slowly" she said to my husband. He raised his hands and turned around slowly, but as soon as he saw me, he dropped the paddles that he still held.

"Astrid?!"

"Connor, you have to do a c-section!"

"I'm not doing anything until he let's you and my father go!" He yelled and I jumped a little, never seeing him this angry.

"Operate on Lily or I'll kill her right here!"

Before I could say anything, Maggie noticed my legs.

"Connor her legs"

When he looked down he could see that my scrubs were still wet.

"Listen, I'm gonna help Lily, but you have to let my wife go and let me move my father to the OR"

"Okay, okay" The shooter pushed me into Maggie and she quickly got a hold of me.

"Hey, babe? Listen to me, you'll be fine, okay? Maggie will help until I finish and then I'll come back, okay?"

"Okay, Okay" I breathed out and yelled as I felt another contraction.

"Astrid, hey! Let's get to on the bed and see what's going on"

She checked my cervix and I could see she was trying to keep calm for me.

"Whats wrong, Maggie?!"

"Nothing, it's fine. You're 8 cm dilated and you'll have to start pushing soon"

"What? No. No, I'm not doing this without Connor"

"I understand, but you have to. It won't be long, okay? I promise, Astrid."

Half an hour later, Maggie propped my legs up and said I was fully dilated.

"Maggie I can't do this!"

"Listen to me, you can and you will, okay?" She said and then I saw a familiar face behind her.

"Hey, what's going on here? Connor sent me to check on you. He's almost done there" Will said and closed the door behind him.

"I'm not going to give birth with my brother in here!"

"Astrid, I'm a doctor. Maggie will need help and besides..I promis, if you poop I will not make fun of you"

"Wha- Poop? Maggie am I going to poop?!"

"No, no! That could happen, but not all woman poop during birth, so it's okay. You're fine, but you need to start pushing"

"AAHHH! HE'S NOT GONNA TOUCH ME AGAIN AFTER THIS" I yelled in pain after pushing for 10 minutes.

"This is fun to watch" Will said laughing.

"WILL, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I WILL BUTTHEAD YOU"

"I'm here, I'm here" Connor said rushing inside.

"Thank God you're here, but if you do this to me again, I will totally kill you, Rhodes"

"I know , I know. I love you, you're doing great"

"Astrid I need you push hard with your next contraction, okay? I can see the baby's head" Maggie said encouraging me.

"Cone on, baby, you're doing great, just push. It's almost over "

Between Connor's voice, my yelling and Maggie's instructions, we heard a tiny cry and everything stopped.

"Congrats you two, you have a beautiful baby boy" Maggie said putting the tiny baby on my chest.

"It's a boy?" I said crying.

"Dr Rhodes will you cut the cord?" She asked Connor, and that was the first time his surgeon hands were shaking.

After me and baby Rhides were cleaned, Connor sat with us on the bed. "He's so little" he said while playing with baby's hand.

"Didn't felt little coming out" I said laughing

"Hey, can I see my nephew now?" Will asked, only his head visible behind the door.

"Come here, Will"

"Hey sis? You really did pooped" I Gasped. I did what now?

"Seriously Halstead?! You couldn't shut up?" Connor was lecturing him.

"You saw too?"

"It's fine babe, woman poop all the time"

"It's not that! It's the fact that you two saw! I hate you both!"

We all started laughing. Connor and Will took turns holding the baby while waiting for out other friends to come visit. Maybe a good thing came out, after all this mess.