#i didn't like. expect them to. but i know if they did try it could be good and it's so disappointing that they're obviously not going to

[whore-ratio]

when I started hrt, I was so incredibly unsure. every day I was wracked with doubt and anxiety. here was this gaping hole in my chest, which by my measure was only growing, and I expected one little pill every day to fix it somehow. I was doubtful, but when I talked to my trans friend about it, they said the same thing: they weren't sure at first.

they took theirs experimentally at first, just to figure out if it was what they wanted. they told me it was like a fog lifted. I felt very foggy. I decided to try it.

I live in a state where informed consent is the accepted model of treatment. I scheduled an appointment to consult about it, heard out the risks and benefits, and I was sure my doubt had been evident to my doctor. I was also sure it would disqualify me somehow.

she told me to see her again in a month. I booked my next appointment three weeks out.

at that appointment, she simply asked me if I understood the risks, benefits, and overall effects of estrogen. I told her I thought I did. she asked me if I wanted it, and I said the same. I was practically waiting for her to stop me, to tell me I had to be sure.

she wrote me a prescription and I picked it up the same day.

ESTRADIOL 2MG SUBLINGUAL TABLET

I left the pharmacy in disbelief. my pharmacist had usually said the name of my prescription to me when handing it over. she didn't say anything this time.

at home I sat staring at the bottle for a while before opening it. then I finally got out one tablet and placed it under my tongue. looking back, I'm sure I did it wrong. I didn't hold it there as long as I should have, and kept moving it around by accident.

I knew it wouldn't change me overnight, but I still somehow expected it to: to wake up with a different brain, one that could feel everything deeply rather than drifting through each day in a dreamlike state and drifting into dreamless sleep each night. of course this didn't happen. it wouldn't, either.

the next day I felt worse. with each passing day it continued, as my desperation grew for this little tablet to do something, anything to me. I just wanted a *sign*. something to me feel like I wasn't headed for the edge of a cliff anymore.

but I was on 2mg sublingual daily. a weak dose, one that achieves essentially nothing without an antiandrogen. I didn't really know what dosages meant at the time. even so, I was happy to have estrogen in my body.

wait.

*I was happy to have estrogen in my body.*

even without knowing what it was doing, without seeing any of its effects, just by beginning to take them, I had already realized that I wanted to keep going. I wanted to keep putting estrogen in my body, and as soon as I began to understand levels and dosages, I wanted more.

several times I asked my doctor to increase my dose ahead of the recommended schedule, and each time she obliged, remarking that while it could be risky, my mental state was the more important consideration and it was ultimately up to me.

so I kept going up, always just a bit ahead of the curve. soon I was at the maximum safe dose on tablets. soon after, I switched to injections (I'm now on 6mg estradiol valerate per week) and started progesterone. I have never been happier.

there were many stages where I fully expected doctors to refuse to prescribe me, or change my prescription for, estrogen. I expected them to tell me I wasn't ready to make that decision, that I could only know with more therapy, or that I at least had to be able to tell them I wanted it without a hint of doubt in my voice.

but that's only because it's what I kept hearing from everyone else: that it's a decision to take extremely seriously, one with irreversible consequences.

but all it took was one tablet with far too small a dose to be effective, and already I was sure. maybe I always had been.

remember that while nobody chooses which hormone their body produces, they are *always* changing you irreversibly. the question to ask is not "am I really certain I want estrogen?", it's "do I like the idea of this better than staying on testosterone?" and if you still can't answer that but are curious, it's perfectly fine to just try it.

not every place has informed consent, but they should. if they don't, never be afraid to lie to doctors in order to get what you want. remember, the barriers to HRT were not put in place because of genuine medical concern, but because of transphobia. you deserve better, so do whatever you have to to get your hands on it, even just to try it, even if you're not sure. your body probably knows what it wants.

for whoever needs to hear this:

starting HRT doesn't have to be a huge momentous all-or-nothing decision. you can just try it like you would an antidepressant you've been informed of the risks of.

there won't be any immediate irreversible changes overnight. you can always stop, change your dose, change your delivery system, decide it's not the right time. you can even microdose if you want to.

you don't have to tell anyone. you don't have to announce it if you don't want to.

stop waiting for a perfect time in your life because it won't come.

stop waiting to reach a mythical level of certainty that never comes to anyone, for anything.

you've been thinking about it long enough. if you have the opportunity, just give it a shot. you're worth the courage it takes to make a change in your life.

[reidsbabyhoney]

second chances | s.r.

the one where Spence regrets everything that’s happened in the past six months.

pairing: spencer reid x bau!reader category: angst, fluff cw: none wc: 3.3k a/n: this took forever too write because every time i tried writing it i absolutely hated how it came out. i’m hoping i gave them the ending they deserved and that you all love it! also please let me know if there's any warnings I should add.

pt.1 masterlist spencer reid masterlist

The entire car ride home was a blur, and you mean that literally. The tears that coated your eyes never seemed to stop even after you arrived back home. The dull hum of the engine couldn't seem to drown out the noise-deafening pounding in your chest.

You couldn't help but replay every moment from tonight on a loop, the gut wrenching realization that Spencer moved on so quickly, so easily. It felt as if your entire world had been tilted on its axis and you were left to live in a reality that didn't make any sense.

Maya. You hadn't been able to look at her without a sharp pang of jealousy making its way though your chest. The way she spoke to Spencer, so casually, so possessively like you were going to take her from him at any second. But in reality that's what she did to you.

You told yourself that you were fine, that you had enough time to move on and get over that relationship, but its clear you were lying to yourself. Every moment you were in his presence were the few moments of bliss where you could pretend everything with him was normal.

You had loved him. You still did. The harsh truth of that might've hurt worse than tonight's events.

Once you finally arrived home you didn't bother to go inside right away. Turning off the car you sit staring at the dashboard, trying to ground yourself in something, anything but the whirlwind of emotions going on in your mind right now.

As your about to open the door, your phone buzzes in the passenger seat. Picking it up you see it's a message from Penelope.

From: Penny

Are you okay, sweetheart? If you need anything I'm just a phone call away. Please don't let his stupidity ruin your night, we all know how much of an amazing person you are!

A small smile painted its way across your features, though drained and not very genuine.

You quickly texted her back letting her know you were okay and just needed some time to process everything. With that you finally got out of the car making your way inside, preparing for another sleepless night.

-

You had taken the day off. Well technically you didn't request it, it was given to you by Hotch. The team had just gotten back from a long gruesome case and he decided that everyone needed some time to decompress.

It had been a couple weeks since 'The Incident' as Emily has so kindly labeled it. Since then the unkind thoughts hadn't left your mind.

You spent most of the day curled up on the couch barely able to focus on the movies playing on the TV. Your mind was a storm of thoughts that blossomed from that night, though not into flowers, more so like weeds that didn't want to fully be pulled from the ground.

You replayed every word he said that night. Every glance, subtle expression. There was no warmth in his tone, nothing that suggested the gentle, awkward genius who had found solace in your presence.

You knew it hurt, but what hurt more was the realization that Spencer wasn't the only thing you lost that night. You were mourning the loss of what had been,  what could've been.

-

The next morning, you showed up at the office. The decision half-hearted, debating on requesting for another day out of the crowded space. You're not sure what you were expecting, for something to just change overnight, or if you needed to prove to yourself that you could handle it.

You walked in to see the team gathered around the bullpen. Derek was leaning against the counter, talking animatedly to JJ, while Penelope was chattering away in her usual high-energy manner. They all seemed fine, but you knew they could feel your emotions. You had always worn them on your sleeve, and the team was nothing if not perceptive.

And Spencer? He was nowhere to be found.

Your heart dropped, but you quickly masked the disappointment with a neutral expression. You couldn’t allow yourself to think about him right now, not with everything else going on.

As you slid into your chair, you could feel their eyes on you every now and then, but none of them dared to speak up. It was only when the elevator doors opened that you saw Spencer walking toward the bullpen. His usual awkward stride was missing, replaced by something… hesitant. His eyes briefly met yours, but instead of the usual spark of familiarity, there was something different. Something strained.

He was carrying a large coffee cup in his hand, but it seemed like he was just holding it for the sake of holding it.

“y/n,” he said softly, his voice laced with the same uncertainty that had been present in his eyes. You barely met his gaze, your stomach doing somersaults at the sight of him.

“Spence,” you said, offering a forced smile. You couldn’t help but feel a pang of longing, but you couldn’t let yourself show it.

“I, uh, can we talk?” he asked, his words tumbling out in that way that was so quintessentially Spencer.

Your gaze flickered around the room, but you didn’t want to make a scene. “Now’s not the best time.”

He nodded, but you could see the disappointment in his face. He hesitated for a moment before turning away and heading to his own desk. You didn’t watch him go, how could you?

-

Hours passed, and the tension between you and Spencer lingered like a heavy fog. Every now and then, you caught his eyes lingering on you when he thought you weren’t looking, but every time you met his gaze, he looked away.

You were exhausted. Your mind was scattered. And when you finally gathered the courage to step away from your desk to grab a coffee, it was then that Spencer decided to approach you.

“y/n,” he called out gently, his voice softer now, less urgent.

You paused mid-step, not sure how to respond. His presence was overwhelming, and even though you wanted to retreat, you knew you couldn’t keep avoiding him forever.

Turning around slowly, you nodded. “Spencer.”

“Can we talk?” he asked again, this time with more sincerity in his voice.

You studied him carefully, unsure whether you could trust yourself to keep calm. “Do we really need to? I think we’ve said everything we need to say.”

“No,” he replied, shaking his head. “I don’t think we have. At least not yet.” He paused, looking down at his feet. “Please.”

You could hear the desperation in his voice, and for the first time since that night, you allowed yourself to truly look at him. You didn’t know what had changed, but you knew it was something important. You had loved Spencer for so long, and maybe it was time to let him explain himself.

“Alright,” you finally said, your voice barely above a whisper. “Let’s talk.”

-

The conference room door clicked shut behind you, and for a brief moment, you felt like you were trapped. The silence was thick, oppressive. Spencer stood by the window, facing away from you, his shoulders tense, his hands hanging stiffly at his sides. He didn’t move, didn’t speak. The space between you felt impossibly wide, like an ocean stretching between two distant shores.

You wanted to scream. To demand answers. To ask why. But you couldn’t, because the truth was, you were too scared of what might come next. The flood of emotions coursing through you felt like too much to bear. And the pain? The pain was undying.

Finally, Spencer spoke, but his voice was soft, almost trembling. “I never meant to hurt you,” he said, his words breaking the stillness in the room, but they did little to ease the ache in your chest.

He turned slowly, his eyes dropping to the floor as if he couldn’t bear to look at you. “I’m so sorry. For the way I ended things... for pushing you away.”

His gaze finally met yours, but there was no spark there, no warmth. Just an empty, hollow ache, the same one you felt. The distance between you both was palpable.

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I was protecting you. I thought I was giving you space to breathe… to move on. To get away from the chaos that’s always been a part of my life.”

The words struck you like a punch to the gut. Protecting you? Was that what this was? Did he think he was being noble by choosing to shut you out?

“You pushed me away, Spencer,” you said, your voice trembling with the rawness of everything you were holding in. “I didn’t ask for space. I didn’t ask for you to shut me out. I was here… I've always been here.” The anger, the hurt, it all poured out of you, and you couldn’t stop it even if you tried. “I just needed you to be honest with me. To tell me the truth, not hide behind your fears.”

His face faltered at your words, and for a moment, he looked like he might crumble under the weight of your pain. “I was scared,” he admitted, his voice breaking as if he hadn’t even meant to say it. “I was scared that if I kept you close, I would ruin everything. That I’d hurt you more. I thought if I pulled away, you’d be better off without me. But all I’ve done is hurt you even more.”

The truth of his words hit you like a wave, but it didn’t bring relief. Instead, it left you feeling raw, exposed. How could he think that? How could he think leaving was the solution? You had been through so much together. But the thought of him choosing to walk away, of him choosing her, it crushed you.

“I don’t know if I can forgive you, Spencer,” you whispered, the tears you had been holding back threatening to spill over. Your heart was breaking, the weight of everything that had happened too much to carry anymore.

“You didn’t just break my heart… you broke me. I was waiting for you. I thought... I thought we could work through this. But you didn’t give me a chance. And now you’re asking me to just… what? To just forget?”

Spencer’s face crumpled as if your words were a physical blow, but he didn’t look away. He couldn’t. He was broken too, and for the first time, he looked vulnerable, scared even. “I don’t want you to forget,” he said, his voice shaking with emotion.

“I just want a chance. A chance to prove that I’m not that guy anymore. That I’m not the one who left you… that I’m the one who’s ready to fight for us.”

You shook your head, a sob escaping before you could stop it. “I don’t know if I can believe you anymore, Spencer. I don’t know if I can trust you after everything.”

He stepped forward, his hands trembling as they reached out toward you. “Please,” he whispered, desperation creeping into his voice. “I’ve spent every second of the last six months thinking about how much I screwed up, wishing I could go back and do things differently. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you could feel your heart pounding in your chest, erratic, unsure whether it was breaking or yearning for something—anything that might bring you peace. You knew Spencer had made mistakes, but he wasn’t the only one at fault. You had kept yourself at a distance too, not because you wanted to, but because you were terrified of what this might mean. Of what letting him back in might cost you.

“I’m scared, Spencer,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I’m scared that if I let you back in, you’ll leave again. That you’ll hurt me again.”

He closed the distance between you, standing just inches away now. You could see the unshed tears in his eyes, the way his face was etched with guilt and regret. He reached for your hand, but instead of pulling away, you let him. You let him hold you, as fragile as it felt, as broken as you both were in that moment.

“I won’t leave again,” he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. “I swear. I’ll fight for you. For us. I’ll fight for as long as it takes.”

The raw honesty in his voice, his words full of pain, of hope. It made something inside you snap. The walls you had built around your heart were crumbling, piece by piece. You didn’t know if you could ever go back to the way things were, but maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something new. Something better.

“I’m not asking for things to be perfect,” Spencer continued, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand, the small touch making your pulse race. “I just need you to know that I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

You met his gaze then, your eyes brimming with unshed tears, but this time they weren’t just born from hurt. There was something else there. Something like hope. “I’m not ready to forgive you yet, Spencer,” you said softly, your voice trembling. “But I’m willing to try. I’m willing to see where this goes. If you really mean it.”

His face softened, the tension easing just a fraction. “I do,” he whispered, his hand still gently holding yours. “I mean it. More than anything.”

And as he pulled you into his arms, you let yourself hold on, just for a moment. You weren’t sure where this would lead, or if you could ever truly forget the pain. But for the first time in a long while, you weren’t alone. And maybe that was enough.

-

It was one of those quiet mornings that felt like a small slice of heaven. The sun was just beginning to rise, casting a soft glow through the windows, and the only sound in the apartment was the rhythmic hum of the coffee maker.

The air was still cool from the night before, but the warmth of the morning sun slowly crept in, filling the room with a gentle golden light.

You were sitting at the kitchen table, your bare feet tucked under you, a mug of coffee warming your hands. Your hair was messy from sleep, but you didn’t mind.

You had gotten used to waking up next to Spencer every morning, and the sight of him, still half-asleep, a little rumpled, and incredibly endearing, was one of the small things you’d grown to cherish.

Spencer was at the counter, his glasses perched on the tip of his nose as he flipped through a pile of paperwork. The clutter of his case files and textbooks was a normal part of your life now, but the way he had rearranged things over the past few months, more neatly than ever before, was a quiet testament to how much he had changed. He wasn’t perfect, but he was working on it. He was trying, and that was all that mattered.

“Y/n?” Spencer’s voice broke the quiet, pulling your attention away from your thoughts.

You looked up from your coffee, meeting his soft brown eyes. He was still wearing his sleep-filled smile, the one that only appeared after a good night’s sleep, when he wasn’t overthinking or buried under a pile of cases.

“I was wondering… would you mind helping me with something later?” His voice was tentative, but there was something else there now, something more confident. He wasn’t afraid to ask for help anymore.

You’d noticed that shift in him over the past few months, the way he wasn’t afraid to lean on you, to let you in when before he would have kept his distance. It had taken time, but now, when he needed you, he knew how to reach for you without hesitation.

“Of course,” you said with a smile, your heart swelling at how far you’d come since that difficult conversation. “What do you need help with?”

Spencer hesitated for just a moment, glancing down at the paperwork. His fingers hovered over the pile, as though unsure how to ask. “I’m working on this case… and I just need to go over the details. I know you’ve got that… special way of seeing things,” he said with a playful grin, using the affectionate nickname you’d earned after countless cases where your instincts had been spot on. “You’re better at spotting the details than I am.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, playfully teasing. “Oh, so now I’m the expert, huh? I thought you were the genius here.”

Spencer’s smile widened, and he shook his head, walking over to the table and taking a seat across from you. He didn’t even try to hide the fondness in his gaze as he looked at you. “You are the expert,” he said softly. “And I’m just the guy who gets to learn from you every day.”

The words lingered between you, warm and comfortable. You reached across the table, brushing your fingers over his hand in a simple, affectionate gesture. A small smile played on your lips as you felt his fingers intertwine with yours, and for the first time, you didn’t feel like you had to hold anything back. There was no fear of losing each other, no worry that the cracks would reopen. Everything—every single piece of you—had found a place next to him, and for once, it felt right.

“I’ll help you,” you said softly, squeezing his hand. “Just like I always do.”

Spencer’s expression softened, his eyes reflecting a quiet sense of gratitude. You knew, deep down, that he wasn’t just thankful for your help with the case. He was thankful for everything—for your patience, for your trust, for the fact that despite all the mistakes and misunderstandings, you were still here. You had come through the storm together, stronger than before, and you could feel it in every touch, in every glance. There was an unspoken understanding between you now. A promise that no matter what came your way, you would face it as a team.

“You know,” Spencer said, his voice low, “I never thought I’d have something like this. Something so... real. So comfortable.”

You laughed softly, the sound light and free, a stark contrast to the uncertainty that had plagued your earlier months together. “I think we’ve finally figured out how to make it work,” you said, your voice steady and full of warmth. “No more pushing each other away. No more running. Just… us.”

Spencer nodded, his gaze softening as his thumb gently traced the back of your hand. “I’m not running anymore,” he whispered, the sincerity in his voice bringing a warmth to your chest. “I’m staying. For good.”

There was no need for more words. You leaned across the table, your lips brushing his in a kiss that was slow and full of meaning. It wasn’t a kiss filled with urgency or desperation, but one of quiet comfort. One of trust and affection. One that said we’re here, and that was enough.

As you pulled away, you saw the same sense of contentment reflected in his eyes, a peacefulness that had taken months to build but was finally here. You didn’t need anything else, because with Spencer, you had everything you’d ever wanted.

The coffee and case files were long forgotten as the two of you sat there, simply enjoying each other’s company. There was no rush to get to the day, no lingering doubt or fear. Just the warmth of his presence beside you, and the certainty that no matter what the future held, you’d face it together.

all notes and reposts are appreciated!! loving you always xx

divider: @fairytopea

tags: @floralemi12 @laviatia-blog @reggieswriter @hazzarules @spencerreidsglasses @notarobotipromise @gghostwriter @taygrls @powerline-valley @october-baby25 @forevermorepassionate

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[cressidagrey]

It's a Love Story - Chapter 9

Summary:

Azriel's shadows find their master a wife.

Azriel would just really like his heart not to get broken again.

And Sky...well, she's just really surprised that that far too handsome male is interested in her at all.

Warning:

Rhys Bashing (as usual), I classified this as Azriel x OC, even when it't technically Azriel x Sellyn Drake (but we kinda know nothing about Sellyn Drake other than that she writes books so Sky is kinda an OC), Cassian is kinda a good guy for once, Azriel has a horrible time, as usual... Stuttering, toxic families (For once I do not mean the IC), Self-Esteem Issues, Secret Identity, Body Image Issues, Fat Shaming, People being utterly horrible. Racism against Illyrians/Lesser Faes?

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.

Rhys had the seething hot realisation that he had really fucked up on Winter Solstice.

Before that…well. He could still pretend.

Pretend that maybe Azriel just needed time. That he just needed…time to adjust and would get over himself eventually.

Would get over Solstice two years ago. Would get over Mor finding her mate in Emerie… Would get over it all.

That it was just him moping and licking his wounds and he would be back to normal. That maybe he just needed to punch Rhys, get it out of his system and it would be done.

So Rhys had baited him.

Repeatedly.

Azriel didn’t fight. Didn’t protest.

As a boy…Az had attacked snarling and growling, furious and vicious.

Rhys had waited for that same exact result.

Nothing of that sort had happened.

Now…Now Azriel just looked at him, eyes dark and cold…

“Why should I tell you? I may trust you with this court, Rhysand, but I do not trust you with anything I love. Not anymore.”

And then he turned and left. Not giving them a second look. 

Rhys could just stare at him. 

He had expected anger, protests, anything. But this...this was worse.

This was Azriel putting him on notice that he didn't trust Rhys at all anymore.

For a moment it was silent. 

Then Cassian broke it. 

"Give me one good reason, why I shouldn't fucking snap your neck for talking to my brother like that," Cassian seethed. "One reason."

"I didn't...think...

"You didn't think?" Cassian repeated, his voice sharp and incredulous. "Really? You didn't think that your words and actions could have a negative impact on Azriel? You just expected him to be fine after you basically told him that you don't trust him to act like an adult around Elain? That you think Elain and Mor are more important than him? You're unbelievable, Rhys."

"I did what was best for the court," Rhys protested feebly.

"Yes, a spymaster that doesn't trust his High Lord is incredibly good for our court," Cassian agreed with a sage nod, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "You told him to go to a fucking pleasure hall and pay for it? You told Azriel of all people that?! What is fucking wrong with you, Rhys?!"

Rhys let out a frustrated sigh. "I was trying to make a point, Cassian," he said. "He wasn't really in love with Elain, he just liked the idea of her."

Cassian gaped at Rhys, his anger simmering just beneath the surface. "That's bullshit, Rhys, and you know it," he snapped. "Azriel had feelings for Elain, real feelings. Maybe still has them. Who knows. He was ready to die, so that Lucien could live. He did that for her.  Tell me to my face again that he didn't really love her."

Rhys ran a hand over his face, his frustration clear. "I...I may have underestimated the depth of Azriel's feelings for Elain," he admitted grudgingly. "But my duty as High Lord is to protect my court first and foremost. And I really didn't want to deal with a Blood Duel. Beron was still in play then, before Eris got rid of him. If he got wind..."

"I understand your duties, Rhys," Cassian said, his voice gentler now. "But you went too far this time. You crossed a line, and Azriel feels betrayed and hurt. You dismissed his feelings as if they didn't matter, and that's not right. He's not just your spymaster or soldier, he's your brother."

He was. Which was exactly why Rhys didn't want him anywhere near that particular powder keg at that time. And then Elain had already chosen her mate, and Rhys thought with that...it was done.

"He's just being stubborn. He'll get over himself eventually," Rhys said. Right?

That's how far he got, before Cassian punched him straight into the nose.

Rhys stumbled back, clutching his nose. "What the hell, Cassian?" he demanded, his voice muffled by the blood gushing from his nose.

Cassian stared at him, his expression unreadable. "You are really, really stupid, Rhys. Idiotic. Azriel’s not being stubborn, he's heartbroken. Hurt. Betrayed. And you treat his feelings as if they are nothing!"

Rhys winced, his eyes watering from the pain and the accusation in Cassian's words. "I...I just wanted to protect him. I thought it was for the best..."

Cassian barked out a sharp laugh. "You were doing more harm than good, Rhys. You can't just push someone's feelings aside because it's convenient for you. That's not how relationships work, especially not between brothers."

"And what the fuck were you thinking when you told him to behave about Mor?! Did you ever even consider to maybe try and get Mor to talk to Azriel? That maybe that would be a good solution? Make her apologise for treating him like she did treat him? Azriel had every fucking right to be hurt and angry at her. He would have had every fucking right and Mor would have needed to accept that!"

Rhys winced again. "I...I just didn't want any… arguments, Cassian. Mor and Emerie are happy now. I didn't want to dredge up old hurts and cause tensions within the court."

"So because Azriel keeps his feelings quiet and doesn't complain, you just treated him like shit. Great job, High Lord," Cassian drawled.

Rhys flinched at Cassian's words. Deep down he knew Cassian was right. He had been too focused on preserving the peace and avoiding conflict, that he had overlooked and dismissed Azriel's feelings.

"Azriel has done everyhting in his power to make everybody around him comfortable. Nobody ever does the same for him," Cassian said darkly. "I fucked up too, you know. With Mor. With not being there when I should be...but at least I never told Azriel to Behave like he is either your dog or a child." Cassian shook his head. "I have no fucking clue if you even can fix this, Rhys, even if you wanted to. He clearly doesn't trust you at all anymore."

That had just become very fucking clear. 

"I...I never meant to hurt him," Rhys said, his voice cracking. "I just...I thought I was doing what was best for him. For everyone."

"Azriel was willing to go to war for you," Cassian said sharply. "We both were. We knew that everything involving you and Feyre and Tamlin was a war waiting too happen. But we took that risk. And hwne it was time for you to take that risk for your brother, you chose your court over him, Rhys. I get it. I understand why you did it, even if I disagree...I could forgive you that. BUt you telling Azriel to go to a pleasure hall, because he doesn't know his own feelings..."

Rhys felt the weight of Cassian's words settling in his gut like a heavy stone. He had never considered that his actions could be interpreted that way. "But...you have to understand, Cassian. I have responsibilities, a duty to the Night Court and its people. I have to consider the impact every decision has."

“And in this, you were also Azriel’s brother,” Cassian cut him off. “I don’t care about your reasoning. You need to start with a fucking apology. You treated him worse than you would every other of your soldiers.” 

Rhys swallowed. 

To say that Cassian was furious…That was a fucking understatmeent. 

And even if…even if he ignored this…there was something else that…

"His mother..." he wasn't sure how to ask that question. 

"Azriel made that decision," Cassian said calmly. "He didn't want you to feel like that was in any way your fault because you sealed Velaris for 50 years.  Quite frankly...I think Azriel's mother has been searching for an excuse not to see him anymore for a very long time."

Rhys' expression fell, the weight of guilt pressing down on him even more heavily now, if that was even possible. "I...I didn't know," he said quietly. "I...I really didn't know that it had come to this between Azriel and his mother. I...I really didn't, Cassian, I swear."

"Of course you didn't. We kept it from you," Cassian said drily. "Azriel does know how to keep a secret. Which we have just seen. I had absolutely no clue that he has met his mate."

Rhys swallowed. This should...It should have been...something happy that Azriel met his mate. He should have been telling Rhys and Cassian all about it, eyes alight with excitement and not...not spit it out just to spite Rhys.

He had really messed it up this time, hadn't he? Rhys knew that he had to make things right with Azriel, even if it meant facing the hard truth about how he had failed him as a brother and a High Lord.

"Who do you think she is?" he asked weakly.

Cassian stared at him. "I don't fucking care. She can be Sellyn Drake for all I care and I'll be her very best friend as long as she treats Azriel well and makes him happy," Cassian told him tightly. "And you...You'll keep out of it."

Rhys recoiled as if he had been slapped, but he knew Cassian was righr. He had lost the right to be involved in Azriel's personal life, and it was his own fault.

"An apology is the least you owe Azriel,  Rhys. And you owe Mor the fucking truth as well. Namely that the only reason that Azriel is probably civil to her, is that you ordered him to. Actually, you owe all of us the truth."

Rhys grimaced.  He knew that he had to come clean and face the consequences of his actions, even if it meant causing more chaos and unrest within his court. "Feyre is going to kill me," he mumbled under his breaht. Cassian didn't look sorry in the slightest.

"Then you shouldn't have behaved like a fucking asshole," Cassian gave back flatly. "Let's go back to Velaris. We'll have this discussion now.”

Rhys nodded, a sense of resignation washing over him. He took a deep breath and steeled himself for the difficult conversation that was awaitng him.

"What happened to your nose?" Feyre asked as soon as he entered the River House. "Where's Az?"

"I broke it," Cassian gave back drily. "Don't worry, Rhysand deserves worse."

Rhys grimaced at the thought of having to explain the whole situation to Feyre. "Azriel...he got...upset. We had a fight. And Cassian punched me. It's...it's complicated," Rhys mumbled. 

"Correction," Cassian snapped. "You were an utter prick to Azriel, who decided that he would rather spent Winter Solstice with his mate that none of us knew existed. And I punched you, because you didn't even fucking understand what you did wrong in the first place."

Feyre's eyes widened in disbelief as she listened to Cassian's explanation. "Rhys, what is he talking about?" she asked, her voice tinged with concern. "Why would Azriel get so upset?"

"Because apparently, Little Rhysie in his infinite wisdom, did not only tell Azriel and I quote "If you want to fuck somebody, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it," when he found out about Azriel's crush on Elain, but has also apparently spent the last 2 years telling my brother to "behave" like he's some kind of dog," Cassian said sarcastically. Rhys grimaced. "You should consider yourself lucky that I only broke your nose," Cassian told him darkly. "I ought to fucking throttle you for doing this to Az."

Shock and anger poured all over the mating bond and he met Feyre’s eyes with no small amount of trepidation. 

Feyre stared at him, her expression a mix of shock and disappointment. "Is that true, Rhys? Did you really say that to Azriel?"

"Feyre Darling..." he started. 

*Did you really tell Azriel "If you want to fuck somebody, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it.”?* she demanded mentally.

Rhys winced, knowing that he couldn't lie to Feyre through the bond. *I...I may have said something along those lines,* he admitted reluctantly.

Feyre narrowed her eyes at Rhys. "And the whole 'behave' thing?" she asked sharply.

Rhys looked down, unable to meet Feyre's gaze. "I...I may have used that phrase a few times," he said quietly.

"A few times?" Feyre repeated, her voice rising in anger. "How many times, Rhys? How many times did you tell Azriel to 'behave' because of his feelings for Elain?"

“It wasn’t about Elain. It was also about Mor,“ Cassian said drily.

“What?“ Mor demanded. 

Rhys winced as he realized that the truth was about to come out. 

"Mor, I-"

Mor's eyes narrowed as she took in Rhys' reaction. "Tell me, Rhysand. What did you say to Azriel about me?"

Rhys sighed heavily, knowing that he couldn't avoid this conversation anymore. "I...I may have told Azriel to 'behave' around you and Emerie. I was afraid that his feelings for you would cause tension within the court."

Mor's eyes widened in disbelief. "You told him to behave around me?” She swallowed these beautiful brown eyes lined with tears. “You…I thought…I thought he was…he was happy for us but it’s was only because you told him to behave. I let him be, I didn’t try to talk to him, because he seemed fine.”

Rhys winced at Mor's words, feeling the weight of his actions. "I thought it would be easier for everyone, Mor.”

“Easier to make him lie?” Mor asked him, her voice tight. “Easier to forbid him to express his actual feelings? I know…I didn’t behave right with him but I thought we were better. But we weren’t. He was just acting like everything was fine so you wouldn’t lay into him and punish him for misbehaving!”

Rhys felt a pang of guilt in his chest. "I...I never meant to hurt him, Mor. I thought I was doing what was best for everyone."

Mor shook her head, her eyes shimmering with tears. "You weren't doing what was best for him. You were doing what was easiest for you."

Rhys dropped his gaze, knowing that he had brought this situation upon himself. "I...I don't know how to make it right," he admitted. "I've lost his trust, and I don't know if I can ever earn it back."

Amren huffed, crossing her arms, her dark eyes glittering with annoyance. "Well, you certainly made a mess of things, Rhysand." She leaned in closer, her voice low and intense. "But you'd better find a way to fix it. And fast. Because we're not just talking about Azriel here. We're talking about the future of this court."

Rhys nodded tightly. "I know," he said quietly. 

He was very much aware what it would mean to their court if Azriel decided to leave them. The disadvantage they woul find themselves in…and this didn’t even start to cover the personal loss of losing his brother. 

“Leave him be,” Nesta said at that moment. 

Rhys turned to Nesta, his expression conflicted. "I can't just do nothing, Nesta. He's my brother,” he told his sister-in-law, but Nesta wasn’t having it, sticking out her chin. 

"And yet you treated him like some kind of attack dog who needed to be kept under control. That's not how you treat a brother, Rhys," she seethed. “I ought to stab you.”

Rhys flinched at Nesta's words, knowing that she was right. "I know," he said quietly. "I was wrong, and I need to make things right with him."

"You sure as hell better," Cassian growled. "Azriel doesn't deserve any of this bullshit."

***

To his surprise… Sky was at home.

He hadn’t thought she would be there…he thought he would be greeted by an annoyed Hector, who would be bitchy that it was him coming home and not Sky. 

But Hector was nowhere to be seen. He could hear his meowing though. 

He found his mate buried in their bed, seemingly all the blankets in the house put on top of herself…and Hector pawing at the mountain of blankets, demanding to be let in. 

"Are you hiding from the world, my love?" He asked softly, as he crawled into the bed next to her, lifting a few blankets so Hector could slither underneath them, which he did immediately. He carefully pulled the blankets away from her face and Sky looked at him, eyes red from crying. 

In the same breath he suddenly picked up the salty scent of tears. That was all he needed to pull her into his arms. 

“I thought you were having dinner with your family,” Sky whispered, her voice hoarse, burying her face against his chest. 

“Didn’t end well,” he told her drily. “Yours?”

“Didn’t end well either,” she said with a laugh that turned into a sob.

A soft sniffle. No. Not again. He couldn’t deal with her crying. He couldn’t…it ripped apart his hear to see his mate like that and he held her tighter."It's all right, love," he murmured, holding her close. "I'm here with you now. Let it all out." He gently ran his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her.

"Tell me what's happened," he said gently, his voice filled with concern.

“I…I am a ho…horrible p…person,” Sky whimpered. 

He nearly wanted to laugh at the pure ridiculousness of that statement. Sky, the sweetest person he had ever met, a horrible person? Not possible.

"You're not a horrible person," he said firmly. "Not at all. You're the kindest, most compassionate person I've ever met."

“I…I to…told Cl…Claire th…that at le…least I…I do…don’t ha…have my si…sister’s slop…sloppy se…seconds.”

He needed a moment to parse it, her stutter worse than he had ever heard it. 

“What?” he could just ask dumbly as he blinked. Sky? Sky had said what?!

“I…I to…told Cl…Claire th…that at le…least I…I do…don’t ha…have my si…sister’s slop…sloppy se…seconds,” she repeated and began to cry again, hiding her face in her hands. “I…I am a ho…horrible p…person,” she whimpered.

Azriel gently took her hands in his, guiding them away from her face. "You're not a horrible person, sweetheart," he said firmly. 

She wasn’t. 

He highly doubted that Sky had said that without…without her sister saying something worse first. 

And it wasn’t like it wasn’t…"Besides…you said nothing that wasn’t true,” Azriel said drily.."

Sky hiccuped out a laugh and then started crying in the earnest again. 

“That’s why you are so upset?” He asked softly, against her warm skin. “You aren’t a horrible person. I swear. 

“N..no.” Sky said softly. “I…I am ne..never se…seeing them again.”

Azriel's heart sank at her words. "Your family? Why…why are you never seeing them again?"

“I…I am ne..never se…seeing them again. Not after what they…they said.” She was dead serious. He could hear that in her voice. 

And it was…

Azriel's heart clenched at the thought of her severing ties with her family, of her…they treated her horrible but Sky loved them. Sky loved them so much. So much more than they deserved.  "What did they say, sweetheart?" he asked gently.

Sky took a shaky breath, struggling to get the words out. "They... They said…said so…some things," she whispered, her voice quavering. "Things I can't…I can’t for…forgive them for."

"What did they say, sweetheart?" he asked again, his voice gentle yet firm. "I want to know."

He wanted to know. And then he wanted to kill them for upsetting her like this. 

Sky closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face. "You do…don’t want to know."

Azriel took her face in his hands, gently wiping away her tears. "I do want to know," he corrected her softly. "Because whatever they said, it hurt you, and I want to be there for you."

“They…They had a pro…problem with the fact that you were Ill…Illyrian,” she whispered.

Ah. “You don’t need to say anything more,” he said wryly. “But I promise that I have heard worse. If you still want to be around them…” he hated how they treated sky but he was not about to let her cut off contact with her family just because they didn’t like him. He could deal with that. He had survived worse.

Sky shook her head fiercely. "No,” she said, her voice so weak…and so definitive. “No.” 

Azriel's heart swelled with love for her as she stood her ground. "I understand, sweetheart," he murmured, pulling her closer. "If that's what you want, I'll stand by you, whatever you decide. But I don't want you to make this decision because of me."

“They…They told me that you were a cre…creature and a mo..monster and that they were surprised you hadn’t rip…ripped me apart. My father threatened to disinherit me if I didn’t give up the m…mating bond. So I told him I never wanted to hear a single word from him ever again,” she whispered, her voice growing stronger. 

Azriel's eyes darkened with anger as she recounted the hurtful things her family had said about him. He tightened his arms around her. 

"I'm so sorry, Sky," he whispered. "You don't deserve any of this. And your family doesn't deserve you."

“I coul…couldn't just…just sit there and let them say those ter…terrible things about you, about us,” Sky whispered. “I can't be around people who would say those kinds of things about the person I love the most in the world."

“…you love me?” He whispered in wonder.

She loved him? She chose him? Even over her family? Even…

Sky looked up at him, these blue eyes looking at him. “Yes. More than anything.”

He swallowed, his heart swelling. 

"I love you too, Sky. More than anything," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm so grateful that I have you in my life."

Sky smiled, her eyes shining with love. "You….You don't have to do a…anything to deserve me, Azriel. You just have to be yourself. That's all I've ever wanted. And I wouldn't change a thing about you. You're perfect, just the way you are."

Azriel felt a lump form in his throat. "I'm far from perfect, Sky," he said, his voice rough. "But I promise you, I will always do my best to make you happy. That's all I want."

He pressed soft kisses all over her face, making her giggle softly.

“Let’s just have our own Solstice celebration,“ he whispered softly.

Sky smiled at the idea. "Th..That sounds p…perfect," she whispered. “Just the two of us, together. It's a..all I need."

There still was a rabbit he had hunted in the cooling cabinet…and so while Azriel took care of cooking thst, Sky was making…something that involved stale bread, milk, eggs and plenty of sugar for dessert. 

Azriel smiled as he watched her work. "What in the world are you making, love?" he asked, peeking over her shoulder. "It smells delicious."

Sky grinned, holding up the bowl she was stirring. "It's…It’s a bread pudding," she said. "I found an old recipe in a c…cookbook. It's supposed to be a t…traditional Winter Solstice dessert."

Azriel raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You never cease to amaze me, sweetheart," he said, chuckling. "I can't wait to try it." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek, his heart full of adoration for her.

Sky blushed at his affection. "I just hope it turns out okay," she said, adding a pinch of cinnamon to the mix. "But even if it doesn't, it will be p…perfect just because we're together."

Azriel smiled at her words, feeling a warmth spread through his chest. "You're right," he said softly. "As long as we're together, it doesn't matter what we eat or what we do. Just being with you is a gift in itself."

“You should write poetry,” his mate told him sweetly and he couldn’t help but laugh. He had picked up one of the poetry books she kept weeks ago and had found the whole thing… well. As long as Sky liked it… 

Azriel chuckled, shaking his head. "I don't think I have the talent for poetry, sweetheart," he said, grinning. "But I'm glad you think so highly of me."

Sky playfully nudged him with her shoulder. "Oh come on, I'm sure you could write the most beautiful sonnets if you r…really tried," she teased. "I've heard you whisper s…sweet nothings in my ear before, and they sound pretty poetic to me."

Azriel laughed and wrapped his arms around her. “I'll leave the sonnets to the experts and just continue whispering sweet nothings to you instead,” he promised her softly. 

“Sounds perfect to me,” she agreed brightly.

Dinner with Sky was better than any dinner with the inner circle could be. Roasted rabbit and crusty bread, followed by caramel bread pudding…

And then it was just him and Sky wrapped into each others arms on the couch, with Hector stretched out in front of the fireplace, blankets wrapped around him…

They had promised each other to not go overboard with gifts. But clearly oone of them had not listened, which hadn’t been him… there was a pile of wrapped gifts appearing on the couch table.

Azriel raised an eyebrow at the pile of gifts, chuckling. "Well, someone certainly didn't stick to our agreement, did they?" he teased, glancing at Sky with a playful smile. "Not that I mind, of course," he added, reaching for one of the packages. "I just hope my gift isn't embarrassingly small in comparison."

“…I…I only got you o…one thing,“ Sky admitted weakly, staring at the pile of gift. 

Then who… Azriel stared at the shadows who were swirling happily around sky.

“I think I know the culprit,” he said drily.

*I thought I told you not to buy her anything new,* he told them drily.

*We didn’t!* they assure him.

Azriel chuckled at the insistent swirling of the shadows. "I don't know, love," he said with a grin. "It seems like my shadows are feeling particularly generous this year." He reached for the nearest gift and handed it to her. "Here, why don't you open this one first?"

“You got me something?” Sky asked the shadows. “You shouldn’t have! I didn’t get anything for you!”

Azriel laughed, knowing that it was pointless to try and reason with the shadows when they were in a playful mood like this. "They don't care about that, love," he said, nudging her gently. "They just want to make you happy. Go on, open it."

Azriel had no idea what to even give the shadows anyway. *You could give us permission to ruin her sisters life,* they told him brightly

Azriel laughed again, shaking his head. *As tempting as that may be, I don’t think that's the best way to spread the holiday cheer,* he said drily.

*She deserves it,* the shadows murmured. *We wouldn’t outright kill her…*

*No, you’ll find some mischievous and chaotic way to torment her and make her life miserable,* he retorted with a grin. *Don’t physically harm her,* he warned them quietly. Tacit approval. The shadows danced in the spot as Sky opened the first box. Velvet wrapped. 

Jewellery.

A chicken egg sized sapphire in the middle of a necklace consisting out of sapphire and diamonds. He just sighed. Sky stared.

“Please…Please t…tell me that’s n..not r..real,“ she said weakly, her voice shaking. 

*Of course it’s real,* the shadows assured her like even the suggestion of it being fake was an affront. *Master’s mate doesn’t wear fake gems!*

Azriel would have liked to face palm. 

"I'm afraid the shadows insist that they only give the best for their master's mate," he said wryly. 

„This must have cost a fortune!“ Sky protested. “Where am I even supposed to wear it?“

Azriel chuckled, "I wouldn't waste my breath trying to argue with the shadows.  And as for where you're supposed to wear it, well… anywhere you want, really, love."

*Please tell me you didn’t steal that,* he told the shadows

*We didn't! We got it fair and square!* the shadows protested innocently.

Azriel raised an eyebrow, not quite believing them. *And how exactly did you manage that?* he asked dryly.

*We paid for it,* they told him innocently, fluttering around like they hadn’t bought her the biggest and most expensive sapphire he had ever seen.

“I can’t…“ Sky trailed off. 

“You’ll break their heart if you turn it down,“ Azriel said with a sigh."Just accept it, love," he said gently. "They mean well, even if they have a tendency to overdo it sometimes,” he said pointedly, something the shadows happily ignored. "They have their own line of credit, so whatever they buy is theirs to do with as they please," he said drily. 

Sky grimaced, staring down at the necklace…

"Please…please tell me there isn't…isn’t more pr…priceless je…jewellery in that stack?" she asked with a grimace. "

Azriel laughed, "I wish I could tell you that, but knowing the shadows, I wouldn't be surprised if they've bought you enough jewelry to start your own royal collection."

They had behaved...mostly.

If one ignored the hair comb dripping with some other blue stone...and the earrings that matched that necklace...and the quill that he was pretty sure was encrusted with actual diamonds.

Otherwise they had procured plenty of books for Sky, and had somehow found her a whole stack of notebooks…

(He was pretty sure they lied to him when they told him that they hadn’t bought any of this stuff knew. Where had they kept it otherwise?!)

Azriel couldn't help but shake his head in amusement as Sky opened each gift one by one. "Well, at least they managed to keep it under control for the most part," he said with a wry smile. "But knowing them, I'm sure there's still more where that came from."

Sky's eyes widened as she looked at all the gifts. "This is too much," she protested weakly. "I don't deserve all of this," she muttered. He would have argued, but instead he just pressed a kiss to her temple.  "Thank you very much," she thanked the shadows that happily twirled around her hair at her words.

Azriel chuckled, watching the shadows twirling in the air around Sky's head. "I think you just made their day," he said with a grin. "They're always happy to spoil you, love."

"I…I just hope they re…realize that I have a…absolutely no place to wear all of this," she said with a laugh. "I don't want to look like a walking jewelry store every time I leave the house…"

Azriel chuckled, "Well, they do have a bit of a tendency to go overboard when it comes to their gifts. But I can't really blame them, they just want to make you happy." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek, his eyes twinkling with love. "And you deserve everything and more, love, even if it makes you look like a walking jewelry store every once in a while."

She melted into the kiss.

"I went a very different route for your gift," she told him drily, handing him a sole gift bag.

The first thing he pulled from it was a tin of tuna. 

The laughter was immediate. He couldn't help it. Deep belly laughter, his amusement apparent, warmth filling his chest. Azriel couldn't help but burst into laughter as he pulled the tin of tuna from the gift bag. "Is this for Hector or for me?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"I did promise to buy you tuna," Sky gave back with a laugh. "I just thought it would set the tone for the second gift."

The second gift he pulled from the bag was a knitted sweater. Slits down the back for his wings...made out of thick and warm and soft black yarn.

Azriel's laughter faded into a gentle smile as he took in the knitted sweater. "Sky, is this..." He trailed off, fingers brushing the soft, warm fabric. "Did you make this?"

"I did promise to knit you a sweater too," she said simply. 

Azriel couldn't help but melt at her words, feeling his heart fill with warmth. "You remembered," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I can't believe you made this for me, sweetheart." He pulled Sky into a tight embrace, feeling her heart beat in sync with his. "It's perfect," he murmured, his voice muffled against her hair. "Just like you."

"I'm glad you like it," Sky said softly. "I know it's not as a King’s ransom in diamonds… but I wanted to give you something that was made with love."

Azriel pulled back slightly to look into her eyes, his expression softening even more. "It means so much more to me because you made it," he said, his voice tender. "I'll cherish it always, just like I cherish you. Though I must admit my present is going to pale in comparison to that egg sized sapphire too," he told her drily.

Sky laughed, leaning into Azriel's embrace. "Well, to be fair, it's hard to compete with a sapphire that size," she said with a grin. "But I'm sure whatever you got me is perfect, even if it's not worth a small fortune."

It kinda was though. Even though it didn't look that way…mostly because he had spent a good few weeks until he had found a stone that even had a chance to stand next to her eyes. An oval sapphire flanked by two diamonds...set in white gold.

Azriel handed her the last box, trying to appear nonchalant. "Here, open this one," he said, trying to hide his nervousness. "I hope you like it."

Sky carefully untied the silk ribbon wrapped around the box and lifted the lid, her eyes widening in awe as she took in the ring inside.

"Marry me," it burst out of him.They had already accepted a mating bond. A marriage would be nothing more than a couple of vows in front of a priestess. But he...he wanted...

Azriel's heart was racing as he watched Sky's reaction to the ring, hoping and praying that she felt the same way he did. "I know that we already have the mating bond," he said softly. "But I want more than that, sweetheart. I...I want everything."

These devastating eyes lifted, looking at him."I want to spend every day for the rest of my life by your side," he continued, his voice rough with emotion. "I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep holding you every night. I want to build a life with you, a family with you." He took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving hers. "And I want to make it official, in every way possible. Will you marry me, Sky?"

"Yes," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "Yes, a hundred times yes. I want all of that too, and more. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, to be by your side every step of the way. I want to build a life together, a family together."

Quite frankly, Azriel thought that this Winter Solstice may be the best one he ever had, as she kissed him. 

"We could get started on making that family," Sky told him, biting her lips as she pulled back. "You know how High Fae fertility can be...could take us decades..."

Azriel's eyes widened at her words, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Are you saying what I think you're saying, love?" he asked, his voice low and raspy as he pulled her close.

Sky nodded, her expression shy and hopeful as she looked up at him. "I…I want to be a mother s…someday," she said softly. "And I can't think of anyone I'd rather have children with than you."

Azriel felt his heart melt at her words. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have found someone who loved him as much as Sky did. "I want that too, love," he said, his voice rough with emotion. "Nothing would make me happier than to have a family with you."

[maddiedott]

It Will Come Back

Pairing: Logan Howlett x GN! Reader

Warnings: Very rushed ending, Logan through various different movies/timelines, gn! reader, fluff and tad bit of angst, sexual implications but not explicit, alcohol consumption (let me know if i missed anything)

Hi! Hope everyone is having a great day! I've been struggling with some Wolverine hyperfixation and Deadpool Wolverine being released on Disney+ like 2 days ago didn't help much. So, I decided I would finally post this fic thats been in my drafts for like a month now? It's heavily inspired by Hozier's 'It Will Come Back', so please enjoy!

Time was always a fickle thing for someone who could never age, who had lived centuries and watch as it affected everyone you loved and yet hasn’t graced you with the same courtesy, a long stretch that dipped into the horizon and melted against the inevitable void. There were times when you yearned for the ice cold grip of death, the blissful eternal sleep that most try to run away from, to prevent. But that was before you had met him, before he whispered life back into your hollow bones.

It was a fleeting encounter, words exchanged in a fraction of a second. You couldn’t recall how long this cat and mouse game played out, but you eagerly waited for the next moment you would see him, even if just for a glimpse. It started out slow, the long pull and stretch of time that came with his absence.

The first time you had met was in 1932, a time where many longed for the cold, dark Earth to envelop them so they wouldn’t have to suffer much longer. The interaction was brief, a swift knock to the shoulder as you passed down the street. He grumbled an apology, his voice rough and with an accent that didn’t quite stick in your head enough to name. There was a hesitation in his step as his gaze met yours, more of intrigue than anything else. He stopped completely as you called out, brows furrowed in annoyance. He turned towards you, apology leaving his lips. He introduced himself as James Howlett. An odd last name. You gave your name in kind with a smile.

He looked exhausted, although there wasn’t anyone in This Depression that wasn’t. So, despite your better judgment, you offered him a place to stay and some lukewarm meals to hold him over until he could find work. You never were much of a cook, even now you struggle to prepare much of anything, but it’s not without lack of trying.The rundown country home had been your home for a little before the dust bowl and the drought begun since you had moved into it, trying to busy your lonely mind with farm work. You had set the loft in the barn on your sparse and dusty property for him, giving him plenty of blankets and cloth that would make for a functional and maybe comfortable bed. He mentioned a brother who you had seen only briefly every now and again entering the barn before leaving a few minutes later, always snarling. And even though your instinct was shouting at you to question it, you never did.

There was always an objection to the kindness you showed him when you would bring meals, to leave him to the land as that’s all he knew- how he sleeps, to not be kind. But each time he only came back. It was routine until you found a small note etched in charcoal with the words ‘I come back’. And just like that he had vanished as if he had never existed, disappearing and leaving a strange ache in your chest.

You couldn’t tell when the next time we met was as the years turned to decades. People like you had gained a name; ‘mutants’ and they were becoming more and more common around the world. As narcissistic as it sounded, you thought you had been the only one, cursed to roam the Earth for eternity while watching everyone grow old and die around you. You hadn’t expected to run into him, not after 3 decades, and you surely did not expect for him to look just as the day that you last saw him, nor to recognize you.

You sat beside him on the barstool, not speaking until a whisper of your name fell from his lips as if he had figured out the answer to all of the prayers he’d whispered in the dead of the night to an unseen God.. A smile graced your face before you could stop it, turning in the seat to give him your undivided attention.

“You shouldn’t smile at me like that, you know better.” He gruffly spoke.

You didn’t realize how easy it would be to miss someone’s voice until you heard his. It was as if his words were a melody and you had been searching for the right tune all your life. Just the sound of his voice had been enough to cure you of any ailments for the day. You continued to show him the kindness he so desperately wanted to refuse. To offer him a hand and a soul, one that he feels less deserving of. This time was shorter than the last.

A few drinks, some chatting, walking, and a stumbling mess of feverish, open-mouthed kisses as we reached your apartment and found your way to the couch, the floor, and then the bed. He had ruined you, that much you knew from the very first press of his lips against yours, from the whisper of your name in the bar just a few blocks away, or perhaps it was the very first time his shoulder hit yours.

Towards the end of your euphoric highs, you had noticed the extension of bones from between his knuckles as they dug into your mattress and utterly destroying it. It led to a pensive conversation that eased as you revealed your own curse, your lack of morality. He showed off his claws, explaining his own hyper senses and regenerative properties. You admired the bone that extended from the divots between his knuckles, fingers ghosting over the claws. The night morphed into day as you both recounted stories, although you could tell his were vague and lacking details, keeping them for the darker parts of his mind away from the light.

You hadn’t realized him to be an army man before that night, but sure enough he was being shipped out that next day. So the reunion was cut painfully short and you had to wish him farewell from the comfort of your apartment’s sheets, tangled and damp with cold sweat from the previous night.

It was the middle of winter the next time. You moved from place to place as to not raise suspicion on why one of the neighbors never aged, stuck in a younger body than that hasn’t changed in the last few years of where you stayed. You could never forget James, he was always a lingering thought, a distant wish to run into him once again. As the seasons transitioned from to another, that wish slowly fizzled out.

It burned brighter one particular night, when there was a strange howling outside your door. There had been wolves hanging around, but they sounded nothing like this. So, with little fear to your well being, you opened the door.

He looked different, scruffier and wild. There was a metal contraption on his head that wired down to two boxes on either side of hips. The machinery and mechanism was complex as if he were some part of someone’s cruel experiment. There was a snarl sound emanating from his throat, sitting on his haunches. But his state of undress in the dead of winter was not what caught your eye but the sharp metallic ‘shik’ as metal drew from the divots where bone once did. A sharp gasp left your lips as he slowly stood to his full height, eyes locked and unwavering. He sniffed the air like an animal before taking a step forward, his instincts fueling his muddled mind, the movement subconscious.

He had found his way back, but at what cost? What had this poor man endured to become this way? This feral?

As he took a step forward you mirrored in a step backwards, crossing the threshold of your home and he simply followed. His wild eyes darted from corner to corner, sniffing once more and then taking a deep inhale. He visibly eased up, although still had the behavior of a cornered animal. You let him into the warmth of your home, let him wander and orient himself with his surroundings despite your conscious telling you not to.

It took multiple hours of gentle coaxing and many more attempts of snapping from him until you managed to get him to sit and settle down enough to remove the headpiece and electroids from his body, having them fall to the floor with a thud onto the carpeted floor. He just stared, even a whisper of his name had his head cocked to the side like an animal in a state of confusion.

There was dried blood under his nails, hair greasy and filled with mud and- you didn’t think you wanted to know what else it contained. Bathing and feeding him was no easy feat, metal meeting flesh and red decorating the floor; but, you eventually got it done and even had him dressed in sweatpants that were a bit too tight and the cuffs raised to his mid calf. It would have been comical if he wasn’t so out of his wits.

The next few weeks were awkward, each time you tried to leave he would grab your arm and tighten his hold in an attempt to get you to stay, but you needed food and he needed clothes that actually fit him. He still didn’t speak, just low huffs and grunts. When he finally did speak, it was low and broken as if he had forgotten how.

“Lo… gan…”

The words confused you. Why was he saying a stranger’s name?

“Is he the one that did this to you?” You ask softly, swiftly sitting beside him on the couch. You received a shake of his head in return and another mutter of the man’s name.

“I don’t understand.”

He ruffled into his pocket until a small clink of metal emerged and he withdrew dog tags with the name ‘Logan Howlett’ engraved. It was his last name, but the first one made no sense. On the opposite side it read ‘The Wolverine’. Was that his army name? You had heard of getting nicknames when in service but had no real idea about it.

“You’re Logan?” You clarify, eyes moving from the metal within his palm to his own eyes, still wild but tamed for now.

You received a nod from that, signifying you were correct in your assumption. That would make sense why he had never acknowledged me when you had called him James. So, from then on you referred to him as Logan.

You try not to think about the time during which you helped bring him back to a state of humanity, finding out his memories were scattered and he held no recognition in his eyes other than finding the smell of your home, of you, familiar. You cared for him, allowed him a place to stay and took him with you until he suggested a RV bed for an old truck. With the stash of cash you had dwindling, not expecting to care for another person, you hastily agreed. From there you traveled. City to city, province to province, finding cage fighting bars for cash while trying to bring peace to Logan’s mind and retrieve the memories lost or stolen from him.

Finding Rogue was a blessing, even more so when Scott and Ororo had rescued you both. You had been given a home and a lead on Logan’s missing memory and a chance for him to be a part of a team. So, when he was given information on a location that might jog his memory and insisted he would go alone, giving you his dog tags as a promise, you held some worry of course, but knew that he will come back.

[httpskuzuu]

BSD with pets

idk what I did

Fyodor x Reader / Akutagawa x Reader / Nikolai x Reader

I don't speak english, let me cry

summary: cute things about bsd characters and animals, idk

tw: nikolai is kinda oc (it's the first time I write about him, mercy), angst¿ at the nikolai part

Fyodor Dostoyevski

“Fedya.” You called as you knelt down to look under the couches. “Fedya!” you began to despair, you had already searched all over the house and still couldn't find your pet rat. Now, don't ask me how you convinced Fyodor to adopt a rat and give him his nickname, I don't know.

You had looked in every room but one.

You slowly walked through the house until you reached the place where Fyodor was always working. You knew he was there at that moment, you heard from outside the faint sound of keys being pressed, so you were justified in your nervousness, you didn't want to disturb Fyodor.

Anyway, you knocked on the door and stood tensely, waiting until a male voice said, “You can come in.”

“Fyodor, Fedya is lost, I can't find him.” You said the second you opened the door, while looking at him with a sad expression. It had been months since you had adopted the rat and you were already indescribably fond of him, instead Fyodor stayed more distant from him ( maybe because of the chosen name).

He turned to look at you as soon as you finished speaking, to see your expectant face for some answer or help. Expressionless, he removed his white ushanka revealing your beloved lost pet underneath.

“Fedya!” you yelled as you approached with your eyes full of life again. You held the rat between your hands carefully and hugged it. Laughter inevitably came out of your mouth. “What was it doing under your hat?”

“It climbed up me and got underneath.”

“And you left him there?” your smile widened as Fyodor nodded at your question. “I thought you didn't like him.”

“When did I say that?”

“It's just that you never take any notice of him.” You pouted to which the man couldn't help but smile.

“I don't like the name.” He quickly corrected along with a sigh, to which you could only laugh. “He's fine, doesn't bother.”

“I'm glad.” Gently, not wanting to disturb Fyodor or Fedya, you placed the rat back on his head, which curled up comfortably as Fyodor looked at you quizzically. “I think he'll be more comfortable there.”

Ryūnosuke Akutagawa

Your feet hurt as you took out the key to the apartment where you currently lived with your boyfriend. It was a long day of work, although you could quit and be unemployed without any problems, as Akutagawa can provide for you without any problems, you still wanted to have your own money and not be entirely dependent.

You walked in to find the place with all the lights off, you guessed your boyfriend was still out, not unusual considering his job at the Port Mafia. The weird thing was not finding Rashōmon, your cat.

You entered the room shared by both of them and there you saw one of the cutest scenes Akutagawa could be involved in. On the bed, Aku was deeply asleep, breathing peacefully as was Rashōmon, who lay on his stomach in a ball, with the man's hand on his back.

The latter wiggled its ears at the sound of your laughter stifled by your hands, not wanting to wake anyone. Despite your efforts, your pet opened its eyes, which stood out in the darkness. It seemed as if his eyes came out of nowhere, as his black fur was indistinguishable in the dull light.

You quietly approached him and petted his head, making him purr.

You changed your clothes to a much more comfortable one, still trying to keep the quietness of the place. You knew Ryūnosuke should be tired, so you didn't want to wake him up.

Carefully, you lay down next to him, covering them both with the soft sheets. You laid your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, while petting the cat with one of your hands.

With the mix of these calming sounds and the whole moment, you couldn't resist falling asleep.

Nikolai Gogol

You think it was a bad idea, adopting a white dove and calling it Kolya sounded funny at first, and Nikolai seemed to have no problem, but over time his behavior changed.

You don't quite understand, you don't know what goes through his head when he just stares at the dove in his cage. You had seen his emotions, those that he takes so much care that they cease to matter to reach freedom, but still you don't know what to do and you can't help but feel immense guilt.

One day you sit next to him, so that both of you can look at the animal for the desired amount of time.

“Do you want to release it?”

“It would surely die, and if it didn't, it would go home because it's not used to and doesn't want freedom.” Despite his somewhat subdued tone of voice, he has a smile on his face. You decide not to press him about it, after all it's only a matter of time and trust that he will tell you about how he feels, you just need to be as understanding with him as possible.

“Oh.” Silence once again imprints itself in the room, until after a couple of minutes you speak again. “And isn't there a way to teach him to be free?”

“Then he wouldn't be truly free. He would act as quoted, not on his own like free-ranging doves.”

“Mmmh, right.” Guilt still fills you, it's obvious you shouldn't have adopted the bird, a dog would have been much better. "But still, I think it's better that it's locked up in there. It wouldn't be free at all, but it would be close, don't you think?”

“Yes, I suppose that's better than nothing.”

Your hands gently intertwine and you drop your head on her shoulder. You'd be here long enough to comfort Nikolai.

I think you can tell which is my favorite

[archiveikemen]

"Dark If" Story Event: Chapter 2

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games.

Read this before interacting

It had been several days since I came to the castle. … But my situation remained unchanged. 

No matter how begged him to, the fairy refused to break the curse or even extend the deadline. 

(I’m forbidden from leaving the castle too, so I don't have any other options…)

What hurt me even more was Ellis. 

Ever since learning about his connection with Jude, I’ve started actively avoiding him. 

(Just this morning…)

= Flashback Start = 

Ellis: Good morning, Kate. I brought breakfast.

Ellis: I’ve got your favourite freshly baked bread with raspberry jam. 

Kate: …

Ellis: … I don’t mind if you don’t talk to me, but please eat. I’m worried about you.

Ellis: You won’t have energy without water, nutrients, and sunlight…

= Flashback End = 

Feelings of guilt welled up in me again when I recalled the sadness in his face as he left. 

(I really do want to go back to being friends like we were, but I just can’t find the right chance…) 

I wandered into the castle garden to clear my mind. 

Looking at the briar made me think of him—

Kate: … Ellis…

I unintentionally called out his name. 

In an instant, the briar in the garden rustled and crept towards me— suddenly, small white flowers bloomed from them. 

(... It’s almost as though they’re trying to cheer me up.)

(I remember how I used to see briar as my friend.) 

During my childhood, being a princess meant that I didn't have many people I could talk freely with and was hence often feeling lonely…

I’d always talk to the briar growing in the castle’s back garden. 

(I’d tell it all sorts of silly things… like how much I loved raspberry jam or how the air smells after it rains.)

(... Come to think of it, I gave the briar a name too.)

There was once where a gardener tried to clear out the briar for being a nuisance, so I gave it a name to protect it. 

“This is my friend! Don’t cut it away! It even has a name, it’s—” 

(I… what did I name that briar again?) 

I tried my best to recall… but in the end, I couldn't remember it at all. 

Still, the flowers blooming from the briar were a beautiful sight and gave me the courage to apologise to Ellis for my recent attitude towards him. 

Kate: I wonder where Ellis is right now…

Just as I muttered those words under my breath, the briar started stretching in one direction. 

Kate: Are you… pointing me towards Ellis?

When I asked, half-convinced, more white flowers bloomed rapidly as though telling me that I was right.

Kate: Thanks, I’ll follow you. 

Having grown accustomed to the peculiarities of the fairytale world, I followed after the briar. 

…

(Oh, there’s Ellis… and is that Jude with him?)

Ellis: — Why don't you break Kate’s curse, Jude?

Ellis: She really wishes for you to.

Jude: Ha? Don’t ask me such stupid questions. I’m tryin’ to do somethin’ ‘bout her illness, ain’t I? 

(Do something about my “illness”...?) 

(The thing I have is a “curse”, isn’t it? … What illness is he talking about?)

Kate: What do you mean by that, Jude?

Jude: W-when did ya… were ya eavesdroppin’? 

Ellis: Jude. Kate looks like she really wants to know, so just tell her about it.

Kate: Please do…! 

Jude: … 

Jude sighed… and began telling a truth I never knew.

Apparently, I had an incurable disease and my time was limited.

Jude learned of this by chance and in an attempt to help me, he cursed me so that I would fall into a deep slumber for 100 years right before my death. 

Jude: After ya fall asleep, I’ll spend that 100 years searchin’ for a cure and pay back my debt. 

Kate: So you were trying to help me… thank you for that.

Kate: But why didn't you clear up the misunderstanding earlier?

Judes … Says the daughter of the stupid King who won’t listen to a damn thing anyone tells him. 

Kate: I-I’m sorry my father was rude… 

Kate: … But I’m glad I found out about it now.

Kate: It means I won't have a misunderstanding towards you anymore… and I don’t have to think I’ve been “betrayed” by Ellis. 

Ellis: … So does that mean we can go back to being friends? 

Kate: If you’re alright with it, of course. … I’m sorry for treating you so coldly. 

Ellis: I didn’t mind, so you don’t have to worry about that either.

Seeing Ellis’ smile at me like flowers blooming had my heart racing again.

— It felt like it was urging me to realise something, a certain feeling. 

…

Later that night, after Ellis and I cleared up the misunderstanding between us and reconciled.

Ellis suddenly asked me a question after dinner.

Ellis: You don’t need Jude to break your curse anymore?

Kate: Of course not! The purpose of Jude’s curse is to keep me alive, after all.

Ellis: …

Kate: … Ellis? 

Although I thought my answer was to be expected, Ellis looked surprised.

I began to worry if I had said something strange. 

Ellis: If you’re fine with the curse not being broken…

Ellis: … Does that mean you still want to live? 

Kate: …? Yeah. There are things I still have to do… 

Although I had put it on hold for a while, I needed to find what was missing from this story and correct the twists. 

(Oh… but if I fix the twist and return to my original world…)

(I won’t be able to be together with Ellis anymore.) 

When I first came to this fairytale world, all I could think about was that I had to find a way back… 

But along the way, I started feeling like I didn't want to leave. The main reason was Ellis.

(I want to spend more time with Ellis.) 

(I want to eat delicious food with him, enjoy beautiful sights together… I’d even love to go on another journey with him.)

(I want to know more about Ellis. I want to see his smile from even closer to him…) 

Those desires flowed endlessly through me, filling my heart with a strong yearning. 

(Could this feeling be… love?) 

That said, my life was still in danger and it wasn't the right time to be confessing to him. 

(I’ve decided… once my illness is cured, I’ll tell Ellis about my feelings.)

However, while I was making that decision, I didn't notice that Ellis’ twilight coloured eyes had darkened and clouded over. 

…

And so, the search for a cure to my illness began. 

Although, in reality, it was Jude who did most of the actual searching and mixing potential medicine while Ellis took down the pursuers sent by my father and the assassins targeting Jude. 

Meanwhile, I took care of our meals, clothes, and living space, supporting them in their everyday lives. 

— But there was no progress, and time continued slipping away. 

…

Jude: … We’re short on medicinal ingredients, so I’m headin’ out. Be back in half a day. 

Although he’d never admit it, Jude looked worn out as he spoke before leaving the castle.

(Is it really alright to leave everything to Jude? Maybe there’s more I could be doing to help…)

Ellis: … Something on your mind, Kate?

Kate: Yeah. I’m just… frustrated that all I can do is watch from the sidelines…

Ellis: I see… is there anything I can do to help? 

Ellis: I like you, so I want to give you strength.

Kate: eh.

(W-what kind of “like” does he mean…?)

I was a blushing mess but when I glanced at Ellis’ facial expression, he looked the same as always… he didn't look like he was confessing his love. 

Kate: Just in case… Ellis, do you like Jude? 

Ellis: Jude? Yeah, I do. I owe him, after all.

Kate: I-I see…

(... Thank goodness I didn't jump to conclusions. Ellis’ definition of “I like you” is platonic!) 

It was a little disappointing, but I quickly regained my composure and returned to the topic. 

Kate: Umm, anyway… I think I should do some research on my illness too.

Kate: Will you help me?

…

And so, we made our way to the study that Jude said was off-limits to us.

Kate: Found it! 

Thanks to Jude’s meticulous personality, it didn't take long for us to find what we were looking for. 

The research report about my illness was stored neatly in one of the desk drawers. 

Kate: Um, let's see… “Briar Disease”?

According to the report, I contracted the disease by pricking myself on the thorns of a special kind of enchanted briar. 

(Briar? Could it be���) 

I was suddenly reminded of the briar I would talk to as a child. 

(I remember being pricked by one of them and coming down with a high fever.)

(... Maybe that’s when I contracted this illness.)

“When the time comes, the thorn embedded in the body will rapidly grow, destroying the patient from their insides and ultimately resulting in death.” 

“The only solution is to completely eliminate the existence of the briar the thorn came from, whether it is by burning or other means.” 

As I read further, I found out that Jude had already identified the briar in question and it grew in the royal castle’s back garden.

However—.

“The briar is stubborn and unyielding, resisting all attempts to eliminate it.” 

“It's a monstrous plant that regenerates even when burned or cut down. All efforts were in vain.” 

Kate: So Jude concluded that it’s impossible to destroy the briar and started researching other ways to cure the illness.

Ellis: Yeah, he really tried every method he could come up with. He drowned it, froze it, burned it… you name it. 

Ellis: The most painful one was when he chopped it up. 

(Ellis was involved in trying to kill the briar too…)

(Since the briar is thorny, holding it while chopping it up must've hurt really badly.) 

Ellis: … Hey, Kate.

Ellis: Do you truly want to cure your illness and continue living? 

(I want to live, and… I want to keep talking to Ellis more and more.)

Kate: Yeah… of course.

Ellis: I see… so that’s your current wish. 

Ellis: It’s… different from back then. 

For some reason, Ellis wore a rather lonely smile. 

Kate: Ellis…?

Ellis: … I understand your feelings. Well then, let’s go.

Ellis: If we go now, we can kill the briar. 

[fanfictionismyaddiction]

Hey!!! I just got the most amazing idea ever!! (probably 🤭) I know that Franco had just lose his grandfather and he had to do FP. And basically everyone (the media & paparazzi just decide to hustle him despite him clearly not wanting to talk or do anything for them. Which is why he wears headphones and cap). So this is more of James with a wife reader. She is practically comforted and was with him since she always does that to everyone. Franco was just so young and she wanted to cocoon him in her warmth. From having bad weather to that awful FP which he crashed and later Alex did the same🙃🙃 Everyone especially the mechanics had to double their work because race starts in like 3 hours after quali. And how can they fix two cars in just that shirt period of time??? Being able to fix one was a miracle, but fixing two? They need to call everyone at the factory it seems😮‍💨😮‍💨 And then Alex not starting the race and Franco struggle in the rain because Williams didn't want to put wet tyres and then later crashed making the stewards flagging the race as red. You know, just a shitty day at the office. Williams out of the race:(( Everyone frustrated, tension arises, more work to do with how the race turns out to be. James admired her about that. Keeping calm, composure and bringing in warmth to everyone at the paddock (maybe interactions with drivers). This is the longest I've ever sent you, so it's up to you how it goes. I trust you. Can be anything you want. Fluff or angst or suggestive. Can be one shot or series. Anything. Just a whole lot of thank you for everything you've ever done for me!!! ❤️❤️❤️ Tag me later!! If you have any questions, just ask me!! I'll be happy to help. Thanks!!! :))

Rain, Resolve, and Resilience

word count. 1.2k

Pairing: James Vowles x reader

AN: Thank you so much for your application i really need that.

______________________________________________________________

The Williams paddock was a storm of activity that mirrored the turbulent clouds overhead. Rain battered the track, but it was nothing compared to the emotional storm inside. Franco, one of the team’s youngest drivers, had only recently lost his grandfather, the man who had nurtured his passion for racing from the start. Now, Franco was expected to push through that grief and focus on practice, even as his heart was heavy. The cameras followed his every step, journalists crowding in with pointed questions, ignoring the lines of grief etched into his face. He pulled his cap down low, headphones covering his ears in an attempt to escape, but it was all too much.

Y/n, the beloved wife of team principal James Vowles, saw it all unfold from the edge of the garage. She had spent countless hours at James's side, becoming a quiet pillar for the team in a way only she could. Mechanics and engineers knew they could go to her if the pressure became too much; her presence alone had a grounding, calming effect on everyone. Today, seeing Franco, barely more than a boy, desperately trying to hold himself together as he faced the cameras alone, broke her heart.

She moved toward him gently, slipping past the reporters who still tried to shout questions his way, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Franco,” she said, her voice calm, almost a whisper. “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here.”

Franco’s shoulders relaxed ever so slightly. He managed a grateful smile, his voice barely audible when he replied, “Thank you, Y/n.” He didn’t say more, but she could see the relief in his eyes. Knowing he wasn’t alone in that moment meant everything.

The rain was relentless, and as the team prepared for the practice session, the paddock was tense. Y/n stayed close, keeping an eye on Franco as he prepared to take to the track. She felt protective, wanting to shield him from all the hurt and stress he was carrying. With a deep breath, he climbed into the car, and she watched, fingers crossed, hoping he could find some solace in the race. But as the rain poured harder, the slick track proved unforgiving. Franco’s car spun out on a turn, and he crashed, the impact sending a chill through the paddock. Minutes later, Alex followed, a sickening repeat that left the team reeling.

The Williams garage erupted into controlled chaos. With less than three hours to go before qualifying, both cars were in dire need of repair. Mechanics dashed back and forth, voices rising as they shared updates over radios and called for parts. It felt like an impossible task; fixing one car was a miracle on its own, but two? Every hand was needed, and the tension among the crew was palpable.

In the midst of it all, Y/n was a steady, calm presence, moving through the garage like a breath of fresh air. She approached a young mechanic, shoulders slumped as he stared down at a particularly stubborn part. He rubbed his forehead in frustration, looking close to defeat.

“Take a second,” Y/n said softly, her hand resting gently on his shoulder. “You’re doing amazing. We’ll get there, piece by piece.”

The mechanic glanced at her, finding comfort in her reassuring smile. “Thanks, Y/n,” he murmured, his spirits lifting. She continued to move through the garage, offering words of encouragement to others, giving each team member the strength to push on.

James glanced over at his wife between giving orders, his admiration shining in his eyes. She had a gift, a way of making people feel seen and valued, even when everything felt impossible. He’d often find her in these moments, quietly lifting the spirits of those around her, giving them strength without ever drawing attention to herself. She was the backbone of the team in ways that only he could see.

Back in a quieter corner of the garage, Franco sat alone, hands in his hair as he replayed the crash in his mind. He looked up as Y/n approached, her presence bringing a hint of calm to the chaos within him.

“Do you want to take a little walk?” she asked gently, nodding toward a nearby corridor away from the noise. Franco nodded, grateful for the escape, and they stepped outside into the cooler air.

As they walked, she spoke quietly, her words laced with compassion. “You know, you don’t have to keep this all bottled up. Losing someone you love…it doesn’t go away just because you’re expected to race.” Her tone was soft, non-judgmental, offering him a safe space to express the grief he’d been carrying alone.

Franco took a shaky breath, the weight of the loss settling in his chest. “I just… I wish he was here to see me race,” he admitted, his voice catching. “He taught me everything, and now…” He trailed off, struggling to find the words.

Y/n placed a comforting hand on his back, offering him a moment of silent support. “I think he’d be incredibly proud of you, Franco. You’re out here, giving it everything despite how hard things are. That takes strength,” she said, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

When they returned to the paddock, Franco looked a bit lighter. The time away with Y/n had given him a bit of the peace he needed to keep going.

The rain returned with a vengeance on race day, and the paddock was alive with tension once more. Only Franco’s car had been fully repaired, and the knowledge that Alex wouldn’t be able to start weighed heavily on the team. Despite the pressure, Y/n stayed close, her comforting presence a balm to the team’s frayed nerves.

As Franco took to the track again, Y/n stayed by the garage monitors, her hands clasped tightly as she watched him navigate the rain-soaked circuit. But the track was treacherous, and the decision not to put on wet tires soon proved costly. Franco’s car began to slide, the wet track claiming another victim as he fought to regain control. Y/n’s heart sank as she watched him crash once more, the red flags raised as the race was halted.

The team was devastated. The loss of both cars cast a shadow over the weekend, leaving everyone drained and disheartened. In the paddock, frustration was written across every face, the team grappling with the weight of another painful blow. For many, the temptation to give up felt stronger than ever.

But Y/n, ever the steady presence, moved through the crowd, her calm energy pulling everyone back to center. She listened as mechanics vented their frustrations, offering a word of comfort or a quiet hug to those who needed it most. For the younger team members, she was a constant, a familiar warmth that reminded them they weren’t alone in their struggles.

When James finally made his way over, exhaustion etched into every line of his face, he found Y/n beside Franco once more. The young driver looked up at her, his gratitude clear even in his exhaustion. James watched, his admiration for his wife growing with each passing moment. She was the heart of the Williams family, the one who kept them all grounded when the pressures of racing felt too much to bear.

Y/n looked up at James, catching his gaze with a soft smile that seemed to ease his worries. “We’ll get through this,” she said, as much a promise as a reassurance.

[siera-knightwalker]

I don't know where I said his actions were due to anything but his convictions? Lan Wangji is a kind of person who doesn't care about judgements or opinions of the people. His actions are taken solely because of his judgement of what he thinks is right or wrong.

For example, he spoke up for WQ & WN when they gave themselves up. This was literally after Jin Zixuan died, after the entire cultivation world blamed Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian for Jin Zixuan's death. I think something like that takes an unimaginable level of guts or an utter disregard for the opinions of others.

I think, that Lan Wangji's actions were based very much on his own righteousness. But, I also think that while he did not have a high opinion on the cultivation world's righteousness, you are also not being kind enough to them.

There were many pieces of information that most of the cultivation world were not aware of, that made them dance to the Jin's tune. To be perfectly honest, the one person who had the most amount of information and the ability to turn the tides was Jiang Cheng, and his disregard for Wei Wuxian became pivotal in the Jin's plan to destroy him.

The Lan Sect honestly isn't that bad.

Firstly, when Wei Wuxian stormed in during the Jin banquet, he only asked for Wen Ning. And everyone was quite aware of the fact that the people who were broken out of the camps did not contain any elderly or young people. They only knew that WWX had done a jailbreak, stealing away all the Wen cultivators from the camp and going to the burial mound, which gave WWX the strongest source of power. Power he needed for... what?

Cultivation world is stupid and did not realize that WWX needed the power to defend himself from them. They thought he needed the power to build a stronger army or something, they didn't know, but if the Jins, who were the most informed in the situation said so, it must be so, right??

Second, the meeting was called so an explanation for Wei Wuxian's actions could be provided. What did JC do here? He said "WWX has always been like this, we'll promise reparations". Did he ever say if WWX was right or wrong? When Lan Xichen said that WQ had been innocent and never killed people, NMJ asked why exactly did she need to be treated differently from the other Wen cultivators? Did she expect special treatment just because they didn't know if she had killed or not? She was still on the enemy side. Had she done something for them, that she needed to be treated differently?

Here, JC stayed quiet.

No one knew that the Wens were anything other than young healthy cultivators. They knew about WN, WQ and cultivators taken from the prison. JC went and told WWX "no one could defend you during the meeting" when it was only he who had not defended WWX. LWJ, LXC, LQY had.

By nightless city, what exactly did the cultivating clans know? They knew that WN & WWX had killed JZX. They knew that WN & WQ had arrived at their doorstep, and that LWJ had stepped up to speak for them. That when WN went berserk, THE LANS died trying to stop his rampage. Someone needed to take responsibility.

The Nightless City seemed more like a show of support for the Jins than an actual promise of assistance against WWX, but they all had their reasons for being there. They did genuinely consider WWX as evil. No one defended him, no one told them that he wasn't evil and nor was any evidence given to the contrary.

Then the Nightless City massacre happened.

Honestly, unlike us, who have the omniscient viewpoint, people only got to know things due to people's gossips or talking about incidents. With so many people injured or dead, what could they do?

See, here you missed that though LXC was already quite influenced by JGY, he also wasn't a bad guy. The Lans, probably cause of LWJ, were the ones who actually took a lot of damage due to "WWX". And still, during the first siege, the Nie and Lan forces were so small that they might as well not have been there.

I feel like the impression the Sect gave to WWX, who actually did break all the rules all the time, made people think really badly of the Sect itself.

Honestly, most of the problems in WWX's first life happened because of JC and the Jins. JC was the one who was exempted from being attacked by the hundreds of corpses outside BM, who "took advantage of WWX's weakness to lead the attack". The weakness could have been that the 50 Wens were old and weak people, could have been his very presence which meant the corpses wouldn't attack him, would allow him to pass by unharmed and start killing the Wens and destroying WWX's inventions. Or it could have meant he knew that WWX was busy doing something like destroying his Stygian Tiger Seal and he would be weakened during this period.

So, no, I resent being told that the Lans were as bad as the rest of the cultivation world, who were also not as bad as your saying, but still pretty much the dirt under our boots, just not upgraded to complete shit until the Siege. The Lans were that bad because of LXC's unconditional support for JGY, and they were anything close to good at any point of time due to LWJ.

Why Lan Wangji Endures

I breifly touched on this topic before in this post, but I wanted to go more in-depth with it in combination with this post. When Lan Wangji says this:

"...When I went to see him, I told him, ‘Young Master Wei was already in the wrong, why add onto the wrong committed?’ And he said....... He can’t affirm whether what you did was right or wrong. But no matter what, he was willing to shoulder all of the responsibility together with you...."

—Chapt. 99: A Hatred for Life Part 2, boat-full-of-lotus-pods

...he is not making a statement on the morality of either his or Wei Wuxian's actions. In fact, his opinions about the moral righteousness of their actions are separate from his opinions on his clan's (and the greater cultivation world's) meted-out punishments. Why? Because the rules and laws of the cultivation world are now wholly separate from what is moral, and so Lan Wangji has matched Wei Wuxian in cleaving his sense of morality from what is considered acceptable by the status quo. Lan Wangji cannot confirm to Lan Xichen (or the Lan Clan, or the cultivation world as a whole) whether Wei Wuxian was right or wrong because they are not operating under the same understanding of "right and wrong." At the same time, Lan Wangji's (summarized via Lan Xichen's) speech above is not in conversation with his brother but actually in conversation with Wei Wuxian's speech back in Yiling:

There was no such road. No solution existed. Wei WuXian spoke slowly, “Thank you for keeping me company today. Thank you for telling me the news about my shijie’s marriage too. But, let the self judge the right and the wrong, let others decide to praise or to blame, let gains and losses remain uncommented on. I, too, know what I should and shouldn’t do. I believe that I’ll be able to control it as well.” As if he’d anticipated such an attitude since a long time ago, Lan WangJi nodded slightly and closed his eyes. And that marked their farewell.

—Chapt. 75: Distance, exr

Wei Wuxian was put into a dead-end situation where any act of self-defense or defense of innocents was an automatic crime. In the end, he experienced the ultimate consequence of death because his act of self-defense led to the death of an important individual, a death that was seen as "unforgivable" in the eyes of the cultivation world, unlike the deaths of Wei Wuxian and the Wen remnants. Likewise, Lan Wangji's actions in protecting Wei Wuxian against his clan were met with punishment, because even though he had good cause in rescuing the Wen remnants' only protector, going against his clan is "unforgivable" in the eyes of a society ruled by tradition and orthodoxy over morality. This is why Wei Wuxian says that the self must judge the self, and why Lan Wangji is following that creed by enduring the Lan Clan punishment while maintaining an unshakeable belief in Wei Wuxian's righteousness.

It was never about Lan Wangji doubting his or Wei Wuxian's morals. It was never about Lan Wangji putting love above righteousness. It was always about how Lan Wangji so much believed in Wei Wuxian's morality and the righteousness of his actions that he was willing to protect the man when the entire world said he was in the wrong, when his own family stood opposite him. And just like Wei Wuxian eventually accepted the consequences of his actions and used his last moments to attempt to destroy the Stygian Tiger Seal, Lan Wangji, too, endured being whipped 33 times by the discipline whip, then went on to rescue Wen Yuan and raise him and the other Lan disciples with morals so strong that they could transcend the mob mentality that their parents never learned to unsubscribe from. Lan Wangji's steadfastness in the face of the incredible hypocrisy and corruption baked into the system he lived in is why Wei Wuxian is able to resurrect into a world where the new generation can look up to him as a hero and a mentor rather than a scourge and a terror.

This endurance is Lan Wangji's ultimate act of love.

[yanderes-galore]

Yandere platonic Luffy x female pirate reader x yandere romantic law ; who both got attached to readers who’s a captain of their own crew who decided to help them fight some marines.

Okay! This takes place post Marineford and around the Dressrosa arc. Just because I feel like it has to I think. I did not mean to make it this long but the brainrot took over-

Yandere! Platonic! Luffy + Yandere! Romantic! Law with Pirate! Darling

Pairing: Platonic (Luffy)/Romantic (Law) - Sharing

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Overprotective behavior, Violence, Clingy behavior, Blood, Forced/Dubious companionship/relationship.

Your first encounter with both pirates was no doubt at Marineford during the Paramount War.

Many big shot pirates were there so it was only natural you would be.

Pirate Warlords were there... even Pirate Emperors eventually.

All had come for one reason or another.

You included, after all, this was a huge prison break.

Many pirates originally in Impel Down were freed when Luffy came in to release Ace.

Maybe you were also freed or just came to Marineford to investigate the fighting.

You're quite a strong pirate yourself, with your own crew and everything.

It was only natural you'd meet Luffy, let alone Law.

The Straw Hat Pirates have been making quite a name for themselves.

So meeting Luffy was partially out of curiosity...

Along with the fact he was asking for help in all of the fighting with the Marines.

Deciding to get a feel for the rookie pirate, you comply and agree to help to test his abilities.

You fight beside Luffy until the eventual death of Ace and Whitebeard.

Which leads to you helping Jinbe and Buggy escort him to Law, a supposed doctor.

By this time, you weren't very acquainted with either pirate.

Yet you make an impression on Luffy at the very least.

Law didn't see much of you... although remembers you later on.

Once you retreat to your ship after helping, you silently wonder if you'll ever meet those two again.

Both pirate Captains intrigued you with their skills and part of you actually roots for Luffy and his goals.

You hear nothing from either pirate until around two years later.

It's then you hear of news around Punk Hazard.

It seems the Straw Hat Pirates have been seen there... along with Law.

Isn't it time you pay a little visit out of curiosity?

You end up meeting them all after the events of Punk Hazard.

Luffy seems to recognize you, Law does a bit but doesn't react much.

At first it's thought that you want to fight...

However, you explain you came to meet again.

Luffy remembers you from Marineford, you helped him against all the Marines... even if the task is futile.

The young pirate is no doubt excited because he knows you and Law saved his life.

Since Luffy already allied himself with Law to take down Doflamingo...

Imagine if he asks you to join them?

This request baffles Law and you.

Law doesn't quite trust you yet, why the hell would Luffy immediately ask for your help to take down a Warlord!?

You could be working with Doflamingo for all they know!?

However... You laugh.

Law can't tell if it's a nervous laugh or a genuine laugh.

It doesn't help that Luffy is giggling too.

Doflamingo... You weren't expecting to be asked to help him.

But, hey, how could you turn down the alliance?

It could give you a chance to know about them both... and perhaps even watch as Doflamingo gets taken down a few pegs.

Plus, if more marines show up, you'll find a way to deal with them.

So... you end up saying yes.

This excites Luffy... and intrigues Law.

This is how you bond with the two pirate Captains... an alliance to take down Doflamingo... which soon turns into trying to take down the Emperors.

Luffy is naturally excited and friendly.

He's always that way towards new allies.

Law, on the other hand, is more cautious.

He doesn't trust many, then again he doesn't like getting attached either.

He doesn't like to show he's compassionate either, believing pirates shouldn't behave like civilians.

As an ally to them, you spend a lot of time speaking to these Captains.

You're formally with them from Punk Hazard/Dressrosa on.

While you are and independent crew from Luffy, similar to how Law is with his Heart Pirates, you aid the Straw Hat however you can.

Which, of course, leads to some unhealthy attachment.

Luffy soon becomes obsessive about his new ally.

While you are a girl whom he finds appealing, He doesn't really experience romantic attraction.

Like I said in other concepts, Luffy's oblivious.

You originally intend to just be someone he can call on for aid.

Instead, you end up being like a sibling or best friend to him.

You can't help but look out for the young pirate rookie.

You're around Law's age, in your twenties.

While Luffy is nineteen, you still tend to see him as a younger brother at times.

Especially with how often you have to pull him from trouble.

Luffy, in response, always likes to call you 'Sis' or 'Sister' affectionately.

When you all meet Sabo, Sabo even finds this amusing if not endearing that Luffy sees you like a big sister.

Law, however, doesn't take the platonic route.

Law's tried his hardest to keep his guard up around you, not wanting to be too close.

He's lost people he's loved... it isn't worth it.

Many see him as sadistic anyways, even if he hates needless murder.

Yet the more he tries to not be close, the more Luffy ends up encouraging you three to be around one another.

Law swears it's like Luffy knows about his conflict.

He hates to show a softer side... He's meant to be a ruthless pirate.

But you keep acting all friendly and his damn heart won't stop thumping.

Does he like you because he finds you an attractive woman?

Does he like you because you're actually helping him and Luffy?

Law hates to admit it... but he enjoys this alliance more than he thought.

Luffy doesn't really pick up on it much.

Sanji certainly has bigger reactions to women.

Law... Law's more subtle, with small smiles and protective behavior.

He's nowhere near as affectionate as Luffy, but he wishes he could bring himself to express his feelings more.

Luffy has a tendency to wrap himself around you tightly, screaming your title of 'sister' whenever he sees you.

Admittedly you feed into it... accepting the title... not knowing you're making Luffy more clingy.

While Luffy doesn't quite understand romance, he supports Law's obsession.

When Luffy brings it up, it often makes Law snap.

You can't hear about how he feels!

Yet Luffy doesn't get it, often mentioning how Law is around you.

Law tries to show you he cares through being protective.

Although... When fighting alongside you... He seems oddly... harsh?

Not to you, no, the enemy.

Oof... Imagine if you tried to help against Doflamingo, only to be injured?

While Luffy ends up concluding the fight for many reasons (Including you being harmed)...

Law certainly puts up a fight, his sword covered in a surprising amount of blood.

Needless murder is against his code... But you're different to him.

You being hurt gets a reaction from both of them.

Naturally Law reacts due to being a doctor.

You could have a doctor on your ship and Law would insist on looking at you.

Luffy suggests Chopper to look at you, but Law pushes away the thought.

Tending to you makes Law feel... strange.

He feels worried yet comforted, liking the idea of you being under his care.

He's careful with bandages and wipes blood from your cuts, looking at you with irritated yet concerned eyes.

He really can't hide his feelings for much longer, can he?

Luffy reacts to you being hurt too.

After all, he lost Ace.

Since he sees you as a sister, Luffy goes feral.

Any enemy in front of him is pummeled

By the end of it, Luffy would drag you to Law and stare as you're patched up.

Law prefers patching you up alone... but he'll tolerate Luffy.

For now.

Overall... It's dangerous for the enemy if they choose to hurt you.

Since both allied Captains are more than willing to spill blood if it means the one they care about is safe.

I imagine the moment Law admits he's fond of you, Luffy's there to encourage it.

Law's been watching you for longer than he'd like to admit.

Eventually he'll cave and tell you how he feels....

Which Luffy is surprisingly... Intrigued about? Maybe even excited?

Law would want to be around you in private... before eventually admitting he cares about you.... He should say love, actually.He's probably loved you since Dressrosa.

The moment may even be a bit tense, with you unsure about it.

After all I can imagine Law accidentally being too intense, maybe pressing closer to you as though he's been craving you for a long time.

As though you're a drug he needs....

Although, before he can get a kiss in to taste your soft lips on his...

Luffy appears, busting through the door.

Law no doubt snaps at him, which leads to Luffy being confused...

But when it's explained you two are 'dating' (willing or not), Luffy wants to support you!

Luffy has no clue about dating, he just knows Law calls you his girlfriend.

Which often leads to Luffy asking you all sorts of questions, much to your dismay.

I like to imagine Law is normally cool with Luffy being around you, until he wants to be more intimate with you....

In that case then Law views Luffy as annoying, always showing up when Law is occupied in kissing you or patching up your wounds.

Luffy is really like an annoying younger brother at times.

The only time Luffy and Law really fight about you is if Luffy senses you're uncomfortable.

If Law's acting strange around you, Luffy often steps in to check in.

Can't have his sister upset, right?

These two are a very lethal duo.

Both of them are infamous at this point, you too since you're allied.

Many know that if they touch you, they're no doubt dead.

Law likes to watch over you, so does Luffy.

Different reasons though... since Law wants to protect you and make sure people know he's your boyfriend... while Luffy is protective of siblings.

Law's possessive while Luffy is just protective.

The two support one another, too.

Which is bad for you, since now you're being isolated.

While your alliance said you didn't have to be under a flag together...

Law tries to encourage you to be under his flag, or Luffy's.

That way, well...

You can't run now, can you?

Your independence is slowly removed by Law.

While Luffy hesitates at first... Law says you'll be safer this way... and see Luffy more.

This makes Luffy more willing to aid Law.

Before you know it, your independence is going to be robbed from you.

Law likes the idea of you being close and your crew merging.

Law likes his girlfriend close and in his arms... all so he can cuddle you close and feel at ease.

Meanwhile Luffy is convincing you this is for the best because then you won't be taken from them!

When Ace left... Blackbeard captured him...

Luffy refuses letting you fall victim to that.

Law is similar... he lost Corazon, the only person who showed genuine love to him since his family died.

He lost him because of Doflamingo...

Which means, since Law loves you now, he can't lose you.

By this point, you're stuck.

Both pirates watch over you closely and you can't leave their alliance.

Bold of you to assume they ever would...

Both Captains plan to keep you safe by their side...

They won't lose you like they did the rest.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/766158904164024320/this-is-might-end-up-being-super-edgy-or-smth-but?source=share

I know everyone has already said this, but as a transsexual man I did NOT experience a "formative female upbringing". I experienced a formative trans male upbringing. My memories start at age three and I knew deep down at that age that I should have been a boy, but when I said I wished I was a boy I was told that that just wasn't a thing, I was girl because of my body and that was that. This is not an experience I share with cis girls. I know what it's like to grow up as a cis girl because my cis friends have told me, not because I lived it myself.

Some things that happened to me because I am was a trans boy also happened to gender noncomforming cis girls; I was forced to wear girl's clothes that I hated, I was both punished for and encourage to have boyish interests and tastes with no real logic behind what was seen as admirable and what was wrong, I expected to be better at certain things and worse at others because of my AFAB status; but it's not the same experiences.

It's something I've talked about with some of my cis woman friends; they explain how being told told "you are a girl and that's why you are bad at math" hurts because it devalues their gender, it tells them that they are lesser because they are girls, they want to prove that girls are just as good at math as boys are and they want to be valued and respected as girls.

This is a common experience among cis girls (it's not always math, but there's always *something* they've been told they suck at because they're girls). I never had this experience. When I was told that being a girl was why I was bad at math, my response was simply "am not!" as in, am not a girl, not am not bad at math.

It hurt because I was being told I was a girl, not because my girlhood (which I did not have) was being devalued. I never wanted to be respected and valued as a girl, I wanted to be recognised as the boy I knew I was.

And this isn't because I was out at a child or anything. I was sheltered and "protected" from LGBT knowledge and didn't learn about trans people until I was in my twenties.

I felt deep down that I "should have been" or "wished I was" a boy from a very early age, but I did not attempt to transition in any way as a child.

According to all the adults who were shoving me into female roles, I was no different from any other little girl. I complained but I wore the dresses, people called me a girl's name and used she/her pronouns and I did not try to get people to call me something different, I just secretly wished I could.

I transitioned "later in life" (mid-twenties socially, early thirties medically), and according to this anon I have been socialised female and should have innate female traits and culture. But womanhood and girlhood are foreign to me, I dont' understand them from the inside out, I can't understand them that way because I never lived them, I was never able to live them despite a quarter of a century spent desperately trying to.

My experience is not unique, different people come out at different times and their coming out and their gender non-normative behaviors before that are met with various levels of acceptance, but my formative years as a closeted trans person shaped me in ways that I share with other trans people (trans men, women, and nonbinary folks) and NOT with cis women.

Anon's reassurance that a childhood I never had doesn't make me any less of a man is not reassurance. It's blatant transphobia.

And just like how I never had a cis female childhood, trans women had childhoods as trans girls and did not have the same cis male childhood that the cis boys they were raised alongside had.

--

[itstheval]

Memory of Visitation

A @livesworthlivingau Side Story

"Oh Stars, I remember this town! This place sucked!"

Siffrin said it with a laugh as they entered Wolworth, but everyone else simply glanced strangely at him. The realization hit them at the same time it did Mira, from the look on their faces. "Time travel s-" "NO SPOILERS!"

Mira half-pulled her rapier, but the look on her face was one of jest that kept a smile on Siffrin's face, even as they raised their hands up defensively. "Okay, okay! I just…There were a lot of memories wrapped up in this town. So, uh…" His eyes flickered around to the others, looking for help, and getting only amusement at his plight.

"Hmf. I believe, I will go take a walk. To explore. Bonnie, would you come with me? You have the shopping list." "Aw, Crab, I wanted to hear!" Mirabelle harumphed her way away, frills spinning as she twirled on a heel and walked into town, leaving Siffrin staring helplessly as Bonnie rushed to catch up with her, hat bouncing with every rushed step. Vale's laugh broke the tension, and Siffrin turned back to look at them. "Oh well DONE, Stardust! We can really see the skills it took you thirty years to hone!"

The flush darkening their cheeks was matched only by their urge to snap back, and they managed to find their voice. "Don't laugh too hard, Vale, not until you find out WHAT happened here. Besides, I might make sure it happens to you…"

"We got here…I want to say a few months, after the King? We'd met you, Nille, but there was a lot you didn't know. I hadn't even opened up to everyone yet…I'd say I'm sorry, but you know. Wrong people to apologize to. But you, Odile! You're always too clever, and you'd noticed, by now."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Odile managed, smiling wryly. She recognized an Old Man Ramble by now, but Siffrin's stories were always worth the listen.

"Noticed what, precisely?" Vale's question was colder, but from the look on their face, the queasiness in their expression, they already knew.

"Well…Back then. Before I knew any better. And I want to make it real clear, I know better now! But back then, I would…Punish myself. With my dagger. For things that…hadn't happened, to any of you? And I'd hide it with my Craft, which…I learned way more about the limits of Healing Craft than I should have."

Siffrin didn't bother looking at everyone's faces. He knew what they looked like. He'd seen them before, and they broke his heart the first time, when it was Odile revealing this. Even so much later, thinking about those expressions hurt.

What he wasn't expecting was the sudden enfolding of arms around him. Isabeau's warm body against his, enfolding him, and a moment later Odile's hand on his head, patting it gently. Even Nille joined in on the hug, and a glance up showed Vale nearby, looking in. This was…different? This was nice. Until, on some unspoken signal, everyone stepped away.

"I'm sorry Sif, just…the look on your face. I don't think anybody could see that and NOT want to give you a hug! We know it's alright, but the way you looked…"

"Like a crab just pinched your puppy." Nille confirmed.

"Yeah, or like…I dunno, like someone ate your favorite treat you were saving for later!"

In that moment, he was loved. In all moments, he was loved, but it was nice to see it so clearly, and the smile Siffrin let onto his face was genuine. "Thanks…I don't like thinking about this stuff. But, no bottling myself up, not to my family! That's what I promised."

"Promised who, precisely?" Odile's voice was wry, in the way that came when she was trying to not show affection.

"Well I was getting to that! Before everyone decided it was group hug time! Anyway! Odile noticed, and she…told everyone, when we were here. I'm not ashamed to say, I ran off. I was stupid…I thought none of you would care about me if you knew how much I hated myself."

"You're absolutely right, Stardust." Vale finally decided to add their two cents, and everyone's heads snapped towards them, making them glad that looks couldn't kill - they'd be dead four times over, at least! It was Odile who found her voice first.

"Explain?"

"He WAS stupid!"

Vale's laugh cut the tension that their statement made, and Siffrin was the first to join into it, before everyone else allowed themselves to be part of it.

"Right! Right, where was I…Running away. Right. Well, Odile was too smart again." A glance to her showed a smirk that showed she agreed. "I ran and hid in the House…and her letter had gotten there first. And when people showed up expecting me, and bringing me to an appointment? I wasn't going to tell them they had the wrong person. Whoever's appointment it was, I could hide there until you all forgot! And that's how I met my therapist."

The sharp bark of laughter from Odile showed just what she thought of that, but Isabeau was quick to follow, as Nille shook her head in exasperation. "That actually worked?" She said, around a smile, and Vale nodded with mock seriousness. "It would have worked on me. Smart."

Siffrin decided then to start walking and talking, as he explained the rest of it. "Doctor Jinn was…strange. Even for Vaugarde. It/its pronouns, with lightless hair with darkless spots in it, like the stars. I'd have almost thought it was from home, except that everyone I've seen from there had darkless hair…and Doctor Jinn was a housemaiden. Or…I mean, it was working in the house, and it wore a change symbol on a necklace? And one of them for a bonding earring? Anyway, it had its own office set up, and was ready for me and everything. It wasn't until it addressed me by my name that I realized what happened. But Odile, why did you tell it my name was 'Siffrin Nomiddlename Nolastname'?"

"I couldn't begin to imagine." Odile allowed, walking the crowded streets, Isabeau pushing ahead and the others walking in the wake of the broad man like wakesurfers…Siffrin briefly wondered where he'd heard that term, then remembered they were telling a story.

"Well, that's what it called me. Like that, like 'Nomiddlename' and 'Nolastname' were names themselves. It was a great listener, I'll tell you that…It seemed to accept the Wish Craft stuff pretty easily, and didn't blame me for…" a light cough. "Any of it." Siffrin glanced to the side, and when the others followed their glance, they saw Bonnie at a stall, haggling with a zit-faced teen about the price of tomatoes.

"The interesting thing was…Well, when we got there, we were sort of wandering wherever we felt like, just seeing the world? And it turned out that Jinn was traveling anyway, so we wound up joining it…or it joined us, but we just wound up going where it led. It was convenient, and it meant I couldn't get away from it, either. So…we wound up talking a lot. Almost the whole time we were in Wolworth, and even on the roads." Sif took a turn, but kept up his memories. "About the Loops, about what I could and couldn't remember, about…well, everything, really. How I felt about Isa, how I felt about touch, home, why the Universe granted wishes like it did - it really didn't have much to say there, but it was great to just get it out of my system."

Vale was starting to look uneasy as they walked along, and Siffrin knew it was now or never, time to strike and hope everyone else was on board. "It was so useful, in fact, that I felt like visiting again. I sent a letter ahead myself this time, since…well, you didn't have a reason to, Madame. And don't worry, Vale, I told them all about you!"

Siffrin's grin was shameless, and watching the look on Vale's face was worth the entire time, as they realized how close they were to the opened doors of the House. And how Isabeau was blocking them off to the side…Vale couldn't escape that way, maybe…no, Nille was over there. Maybe through the Madame? With that look on her face, no way. That was the Path of Pain.

Vale's shoulders slumped, as Siffrin stepped aside and gave a sweeping bow. "After you, my friend!" Vale muttered oaths under their breath as they marched to the doors, only to find a Housemaiden waiting for them.

"Siffrin and Vale Nomiddlename Nolastname? I'm Housemaiden David…I got your letter, but I'm afraid no one here's ever heard of a 'Doctor Jinn'. Would you like to come in anyway?"

[blueishspace]

Hero, Villain, God 7

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*Grian's pov*

You are in your Poultryman form, in the middle of the night, jumping across buildings. You could fly but it's exciting to travel like this, a bit more thrilling, and It's not like a fall like this is going to kill a god like you.

Along the way you do stop a bunch of crime, Poultryman would be a pretty bad vigilante persona if you didn't, nothing big though... ...Until the building on your left explodes out of nowhere!

The first thought in your mind is something akin to "yay! Explosion", It's part of being the god of chaos.

Your second thought is "explosions don't usually happen in mortal cities...something is very wrong", that's part of being a vigilante and that is the thing you decide to focus on right now.

You fly closer to the burning building, It's hard at first to not relish in the chaos and smoke but you force yourself to press foward. There are people inside, you can feel them calling out... it almost sounds like prayer... you fly in and you grab them and bring them out one by one. Soon you find aren't the only one helping, someone else is here grabbing people and flying out. Golden wings and a western aesthetic, this must be-

"Hello Sheriff."

"Poultryman, didn't expect to see you all the way here pardner"

You try to ignore the man of clear british descent attempts at a western american accent... You still cringe behind the mask.

"Oh you know, saw an explosion and just had to check it out"

He looks at you, it hard to gauge the emotion from the expression but you don't need divinity to hear the mental debate going on in his brain.

"... Good job on that by the way, we managed to get everyone out with no casualties... I...don't know if I could have managed that alone"

Huh, very different from HotGuy this one, you appreciate the compliment but it's weird to get it from a hero so high up in the rankings... You check him mind and it doesn't seem to be a trap which is ...even weirder. You are a vigilante after all and his job is to capture you, a compliment to lower your defenses should have been one of the first things to try... Perhaps he knows already it wouldn't work.

You look back to him, he turns to the burning building... You smirk.

"Are you saying that I'm ...better then you?".

What follows is ...silence, then the Sheriff turns so quickly.

Then sputtering.

"WHAT!? No! You just ...arrived earlier. That's it."

"Nah, I think It's just because I'm better"

"How.dare.you? I am the Sheriff, I am the law, you will respect me."

"Nuh huh"

"You can't just-"

You get up when he tries to lunge at you.

"Missed! Too bad"

"Gosh! I can't believe I thanked you!"

He shouts at you, he doesn't actually sound nad though. He's enjoying himself too... It is much more fun this way.

"I know, an horrible decision on your part really"

"Well then I'm taking back my compliments"

*Gasp* How could he do something so heinous to you? The great Poultryman! This will not stand!

"No! You can't do that! No take backsies!"

"Too bad, Poultryman you are no longer thanked"

"Noooooo! How could you Sheriff? So cruel of you!"

You both look at eachother and begin laughing, some of the people you have rescued look at the two of you like you have grown a second head ... You do check you didn't do that accidentally, revealing your godhood by growing an appendage like that would have been at the very least embarassing.

Suddenly a feminine voice, must be the Ocean queen, speaks up.

"Sheriff, I'm glad everyone is out of the building and you're having fun but did it have to be the vigilante we have to capture?"

Oh right, you forgot about that. Well time to take your leave.

"Right... About that... I might need to do a rain check on that! Bye!"

And you are gone. Thinking about it later, that building just going boom like that was pretty suspicious.

Yeetit @/yeetoryeet33

My office building exploded lmao and Poultryman started bantering with Sheriff. I am starting to think I was drugged.

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|Uhhhhh @/Wowzers3809What do you mean your office building exploded!?!?

OceanQueen ☑️ @/AnarmyofAxolotls No, Sheriff is not romantically persuing a Vigilante, all and any bantering that happened was non-romantic, please stop flooding my buisness email with questions about my coworkers sex lives.

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| Sheriff ☑️ @/Canarywthagun Yes, I would never do that to my dear friend HotGuy. ||Hotguy☑️ @/HGofficial. Sheriff WHY must you do this to me? |||OceanQueen ☑️ @/AnarmyofAxolotls Sheriff you nincompoop, do you want to create a PR nightmare?

Tdfyh @/randombullshitgo

Sooo, am I the only one to get siblings vibes from Poultryman and Sheriff?

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|OceanQueen ☑️ @/AnarmyofAxolotls Back off Sheriff is my brother, Poultryman can get his own. || Tdfyh @/randombullshitgo What do you mean he's your brother!?! |||OceanQueen ☑️ @/AnarmyofAxolotls ... I shouldn't have said that.

Bluish @/blueishspace

After recent revelations I have made these:

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|Bluish @/blueishspace. Yes, I have no life. How did you know?

[mc-lukanette]

"I'm sorry," Marinette mumbled, her grip on his shoulders tensing.

Luka shook his head, trying to reassure her, "It's not your fault. We don't have to kiss if you're not ready."

"But I am! It's just..." She sighed.

Ever since they'd started dating, there had been problems with kissing each other. He understood that they both wanted it even if Marinette had some struggles with it, and he was more than willing to be patient about it. He was just worried.

Marinette opened her mouth, then grit her teeth, hesitating over something. Still unwilling to move from his lap that she'd climbed onto to kiss him in the first place, she let go of his shoulders and clenched her fists atop them so she wasn't squeezing him.

"You don't have to tell me," he told her.

"I want to." She averted her gaze, blushing in shame as she pointed out, "And you already know most of it. Everyone does."

"Most of... ah."

He suspected for a while, but didn't want to assume. Paris was utterly obsessed with Ladybug and whatever she did, so they made a big deal over everything, especially when it concerned romance.

"All the kisses I've ever had or tried to have ended up a disaster," she muttered, running her fingers along the seam of his hoodie. "It's always because of a misunderstanding, or getting interrupted, or something I can't even remember, or being really embarrassing."

He couldn't see exactly what was going on in her head, but her face said it all. She just wanted to enjoy herself kissing him, but she was traumatized on some level and it held her back from doing so.

Hoping to help her work through it, he asked, "What do you think is going to happen?"

"I don't know?" She pouted. "It'll go wrong, or an akuma's going to happen, or you won't like it..."

"I don't have any expectations." He rubbed her sides in slow, easy circles. "I just want to kiss my girlfriend. It doesn't have to be perfect. We can always try again if something happens."

She scratched her cheek shyly, then let out a heavy sigh and fell to the side. Rolling to lie on her back, her legs still rested on Luka's lap as she lamented, "I'm sorry—again. It feels like I'm always behind everyone else."

There was nothing wrong with that, and he would've told her as much if he wasn't certain that she didn't want to hear it. If he thought it would've helped, he would've pointed out how unfair it was for her to expect herself to keep up with other people who didn't have to constantly worry about being woken up in the middle of the night because of the dumbest reasons imaginable, all whilst being expected to smile and be a hero without negative emotions.

But it wouldn't help, and he supposed it was time for him to be honest as well.

"You're not the only one," he began, running a hand slowly across one of her legs, "who feels behind."

"Huh?" She pushed herself up just enough with her elbows to comfortably look at him. "You—wait, you?"

He nodded. "Jule started dating before I did. I know she met Rose before I met you, but she never thought about our dad the way I did."

Frowning, Marinette sat up, bringing her legs off Luka's lap and closer to herself. She leaned forward, gripping his arm and asking, "You mean... how he wasn't around?"

"How him and Mom got far enough to have me and Jule, but still ended up leaving each other." He looked at her, eyes flicking up and down her body. "Some people are fine playing solos, but if I play a duet, I want to keep it going. I don't want to push my partner too hard or scare them off."

He still recalled the day they'd met, where he'd upset her and genuinely worried that he'd ruined a chance at a good relationship. He hadn't foreseen falling quite so hard afterwards, but still, he'd been fearful of everything crumbling over a bad first impression.

Thankfully, it worked out in the end, and he wanted to keep it that way.

"Luka," she uttered softly, the hand gripping his arm sliding around so she could hug it instead. She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "You're not going to scare me off."

He returned the lean, letting out a breath that may've been a little relieved. "And I'm not going to get upset because you need time to move past all the horrible memories you have."

She gave his arm a squeeze in wordless thanks. He adored the overthinking, rambling, and energetic Marinette just as much as all the other Marinette, but there was something special to him about the moments of calm that only he seemed able to provide. Maybe it was selfish in a way, but it made him happy seeing that he had something of value to offer her.

Marinette's fingers loosened against his arm. She was briefly lost in thought, staring off at nothing as she wondered aloud, "Does everything you said mean you think I'm the one?"

He briefly stiffened. It made sense that she would deduce that much, but he hoped it wouldn't make her uncomfortable. "...Yeah."

Rather than pulling away from him, she squished herself closer to him, one hand still holding his arm while the other rested on his thigh. "Good. I want a spring wedding."

His head swerved to look at her, stunned. She'd thought that far ahead? When?!

"You like wearing too many layers for summer, but too many rips for fall or winter." She toyed idly with the rips on his shirt. "I know having the rips sounds weird for a groom's outfit, but I was thinking that I could do something wi—!"

Her last word turned into a squeal as he freed the arm she'd been hugging so he could pull her back up onto his lap. He hugged her tight, burying his face in her shoulder and sighing happily. When Marinette (eventually) regained her bearings, she giggled and lovingly stroked his hair.

They could wait until the wedding for their first kiss for all he cared. All that mattered then was being able to simply have each other.

[honeygrahambitch]

"If you have already excluded the teachers and the students, could your killer be an alumni perhaps? I wouldn't exclude the janitor either." Hannibal suggested as he flipped through the pages of the case file.

"Good point. Jack won't be happy about other hundreds of potential suspects." Will replied as he sat next to Hannibal, placing the pictures of the last two crime scenes in front of them on the table."Thanks for making time to come all the way here to help."

"Jack asked me to bring the report from the assessment of the ice cream truck killer anyway. I was hoping you would need some help while I'd be here."

"Ah right, you conducted the assessment. He looked like a handful."

"Not the best time Alana could choose for a vacation. However, I did consult on the case. I was familiar enough."

"Careful, if you are too helpful Jack will start expecting things from you. Does he know you're helping me with the case?"

"I might have told him that I will pass by your classroom to say hi." Hannibal said casually as he picked one of the gruesome pictures.

"You overstayed your "hi", doctor."

"Would you like me to leave? I quite appreciate your company."

"No, likewise." Will replied. "It can get quite gloomy in here."

He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. Hannibal didn't miss his exhausted sigh.

"Don't spiral too much, Will. This killer is not very experienced. He will make a mistake. He is too disorganized for my taste."

Will smiled. Of course, what else to expect from the Ripper?

"Tell me about his design." Hannibal said.

"I'd rather not."

Oh?

Hannibal lifted his gaze from the case file and met Will's. That had not happened before. He decided he would adapt himself to what Will felt like doing. He nodded and went ahead "Very well."

"Not because I don't want to." Will explained. "I quite enjoy our conversations when they are not about serial killers."

Hannibal closed the case file instantly. "Ditto. However you did say that you were happy I could help."

"I needed your help to disconnect myself from the case. And you are doing great."

Hannibal tilted his head to one side. He could never fully anticipate Will's motives.

"I wish I had brought a bottle of wine."

"We could break into Jack's office. I know where he keeps his whiskey. The single malt one not the one he serves people with."

Hannibal found the thought amusing.

Speak of the wolf.

"Doctor, you are still here." Jack greeted him as he entered the classroom.

"Thought I might have a look at the current case."

"We do need all the help we can get. How does it look like, Will?" Jack asked a bit unsatisfied with Will's annoyed expression.

"It looks like you would sleep better at night if I told you tomorrow."

"I am not going to sleep until we have found him."

"I hope you got enough coffee then." Will replied as he grabbed the case file from the table and started flipping through it. Looking anywhere else but at Jack was a better idea.

"I will leave you to it then. Doctor." Jack said and headed towards the door. Will and Hannibal had their way of making those around feel like they are intruding.

"Was I rude?"

"You were genuine. You are not catching this killer tonight. No point in giving Jack any kind of hope. Besides, you are tired."

Hannibal started rearranging the pictures on the table. Will watched him closely from behind the file, like a cheetah watching an antilope from the tall grass.

Even the smallest gestures were performed in a gracious manner. He would make the perfect antilope was it not for the fact that he was a carnivore predator.

And besides, Will knew that Hannibal was very much aware of the fact that his actions were carefully watched.

"I find it curious that he did not severe the arm of his second victim."

Will leaned in, at least trying to pretend he was paying attention to the case.

"He didn't take any trophy?" Hannibal went on. Will was now so close to him that his stare could hardly be ignored.

"Hannibal."

"Hmm?" He asked as he turned his head to him, their gazes finally meeting.

Will leaned in even more, hesitantly, as if he was waiting for permission, until his lips met Hannibal's.

Hannibal didn't draw back and leaned in as well, feeling the faint scratch of Will's stubble. Their lips parted too soon for his own pleasure.

"No, no trophy from the second victim." Will said as he grabbed the picture. "Or at least we haven't figured out if he took something."

"Will?" Hannibal asked a bit confused. As he imagined the previous thing? How could Will just move on and pretend it didn't happen?

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." He apologized, this time averting his gaze as much as he could. "It was a bit of an impulse."

"Can it be a bit of an impulse once more?"

"You don't have to do anything you are not comfortable with."

"What if I am comfortable with it?" Hannibal said, taking the picture from Will's hands and leaning in. Will hesitated at first, just like a predator who tastes blood for the first time. The taste is new but addicting. And slowly, it becomes something to crave daily. "Your problem is that you always assume for the worst. I like you and your company." Hannibal explained. "And your lips."

"This is really not the best place for..." Will said as he rested his forehead against Hannibal's, searching for his lips again, in spite of being worried about someone coming in.

"You started it." Hannibal whispered, pleased with Will's eagerness to get more or him.

"If someone comes in..."

"Just say the word and I will leave." The thought itself made Will press himself against Hannibal. His mistake had been that he had seen Hannibal as the antilope in the beginning. Hannibal was just another cheetah watching him from behind the grass. He had been weak. He had given in. Became the prey.

Hannibal's hand touched his face, his thumb pressing against his cheekbone in such a gentle way that Will allowed all his thoughts to fade away.

"What are you thinking about?" Hannibal asked as their lips parted once more, sensing the various thoughts that might have been crossing Will's mind.

"You." Will replied. "What now?"

"You were saying, he didn't take any trophy from the second victim."

"No, not that crap." Will interrupted him, realizing how needy he sounded. The new need was indeed dangerous.

"Ah, forgive me." Hannibal smiled then kissed Will's forehead, nose and lips. Will placed his hands on Hannibal's chest and kissed him hungrily, all the shyness from earlier seemingly disappearing. He didn't give Hannibal the chance to part his lips, he directly bit them to make for himself.

The metallic flavour awakened something in both of them. Hannibal felt an electric chill run down his spine at the thought that his blood, his own blood, was now in Will's mouth.

It belonged to Will therefore.

He moaned softly into him, feeling his whole self slowly surrendering. .

Will was just as ecstatic as Hannibal, especially when he met no obstacle on his way to french kiss him. The more he got the taste of him, the less he wanted to stop. If Jack entered then what? He could absolutely fuck off, there was nothing that could interrupt them.

Will hummed and sucked on Hannibal's lower lip, hungry for more blood. Hannibal allowed himself to be consumed, the euphoric feeling going through every inch of his body.

"I could easily become addicted." Will confessed in between kisses.

"Please become addicted." Hannibal replied. "You can have all of me." He added as his hand travelled to the back of Will's head.

Will licked the corner of Hannibal's lips, craving more of him. The sight of his own blood on Will's lips did things to Hannibal that he was not aware he could feel. He imagined how Will could take him right there over his desk and he wouldn't fight it.

His thumb wiped away the blood on Will's lips and slowly pushed in past his slightly parted mouth, searching for his tongue. There was something about feeding Will his own self that made his blood rush.

Will accepted him in and even took his finger in between his teeth. He let go only when Hannibal's lips were pressed against his temple, feeling as if he was venerating him for the simple gesture. It was not long until their lips met again, longingly.

Will's hands found Hannibal's pockets, his thumbs slowly caressing his hip bones, earning a groan from him.

"Home." Will said as an order to which Hannibal nodded obediently.

[aceingonthecake]

Good Omens Rant!!!

(And a pretty long one too)

I swear, if I read another comment about how stupid Aziraphale's final decision was and how some people hope they'll be CrAwLiNg BaCk To Crowley and beg for forgiveness, I'll fight them (verbally, no violence here).

I get that in the final 15 Aziraphale could have worded some things better, but the same can be said for Crowley, plus, that's beside the point. THE point is that there was no wrong or right choice in that situation.

Crowley has every right not to want to go back to Heaven and I'm very happy they stood by their decision. However, Aziraphale has the exact same right to make their own choice and try and make Heaven what it's supposed to be.

They're not stupid and they're not naive, we literally watched their character grow more and more conscious of Heaven's toxicity and we watched them defile it with the means they had. Now, they're offered a position to try and change things from the inside and to protect Earth, the same Earth they fought for in s1. Aziraphale knows the other Archangels and the Metatron are against them, but there are other angels up there. We saw Muriel and we all found them adorable. How many other angels like them are there in Heaven? Are they not worth trying to change the system for? And do we really expect Aziraphale to pass up an opportunity to protect like that? Please.

I absolutely get we all wanted a happy ending and a romantic getaway like Crowley suggested. But if we think about it, how realistic is it? Let's say Aziraphale accepted and went away with Crowley. Heaven would have moved on with the second coming and Earth would be destroyed. What was the point of s1 then? Did they fight then just to give up later? No, they fought because their love was born and grew on Earth and they're too fond of it and its humans to let it be destroyed. What would they do in Alpha Centauri? With no books, no plants, no food, no music, no car and so on? It would be just them and eternity. Not so tempting, mh?

And finally, while I see a whole lot of people analysing every single word Aziraphale said (and some of them were wrong, I have no problem admitting it), I don't see them do the same for Crowley.

I love Crowley, I relate to them a lot, but some things they said in the final 15 didn't sit too well with me. They got mad and, while I know it was out of heartbreak and fear, in the end they downright said that Aziraphale is not able to make choices. That they don't understand enough to make them consciously. That they're an idiot just because they made a decision Crowley doesn't agree with. And I repeat, I KNOW it comes from a place of protection and love, but that doesn't make it right.

They both said things that have been totally misunderstood by the other and that's on them. But I love them both and all I want for the final is for them to be together and happy. I just really can't understand how someone might watch this show and hate Aziraphale, like they didn't understand their character at all. And let me tell you, I strongly doubt Crowley would appreciate such mean comments on their angel.

With that, I'm done. Sorry for the length of my rant. These are actually just some of my thoughts on everything that happened, but I believe it's quite enough for a single post 😅.

[alipeeps]

Episode 28

OMG he is such a git! I'm love him!

Oh damn Li Lun somehow got there before them?

Your "old friend" eh? Well Wen Zongyu's definitely not going to want Princess Longyu to give Li Lun a dragon scale... cos he's counting on that poison to force Li Lun to submit to him.

Meng Xuan? Is that Wen Zongyu then? Did he go by a different name?

Oh dang, so they are blackmailing *her* to get Zhu Yan's inner core now? Jfc.

Just what DOES Wen Zongyu want the ever-burning wood for that he is willing to go to such lengths?

Uhhhh that might not be a story though?

Hahahaaaa Zhao Yuanzhou loves teasing people with flirty comments but when someone does it back to him?

Ohhh what the fuck there's a sick (pregnant?) wife and baby in Wen Zongyu's past? And he was cosying up to Princess Longyu to get a scale to heal/revive wifey? And is that what he's still trying to do with his demon experiments and his obsession with the ever-burning wood?

Ohhh so Meng Xuan was his.. apprentice? And he used his name when seducing Princess Longyu.

And... Wen Xiao's dad also called Wen Zongyu his senior? Did he also work for him?

Whyyy though would she still care to know what "Meng Xuan" wrote to her? She hated him and tried to kill him.

Oooh that's the first time I've noticed less than stellar sound production in this show. Loud atmospheric sounds of the waterfall etc and then abruptly dropped to muffled as soon as it switched to close up for a conversation.

So Zhao Yuanzhou may have promised Zhuo Yuanzhou to stop seeking death... but he's still more than willing to offer his death as a solution to any given problem.

Ugh my heart.

Oh dang, that sounds awfully familiar!!

(Although, guys, guys? Do you mind if I just maybe point out something very important that you don't seem to be considering? Zhao Yuanzhou's willingness to die for the cause aside... why has it not occurred to you to wonder what exactly Wen Zongyu wants Zhao Yuanzhou's inner core/the ever-burning wood for? Cos the answer to that question may make it imperative that he NOT get it - for any reason!!

Oh dang.

Oh fuuuuuck.... my heart....

Oh shit, once Zhuo Yichen makes up his mind, that's it. Our boy is ride or die for the Great Demon.

Seriously? They're gonna fight over this? Fall out over this?

Don't you fucking do it Zhao Yuanzhou!!

Pleeeeeease tell me this is all a clever ploy?

(I'd love for it to turn out that that whole argument about the inner core was acted out for the benefit of Chongwu camp spies, to fool them into thinking the core the Princess will bring them is real)

SO WHY GO TO ALL THAT FUCKING TROUBLE TO GET IT?!!!

Ahahahaaaa it was a set up (I sure hope that means the inner core is fake)

AHA!! I did wonder why it looked like Wen Xiao held something up but it didn't show what it was!!

Hahahaaa. Hao de.

He didn't see the fucking message and didn't know they were acting!

Mind you... to be fair to him, if he didn't know they were acting then he was the only one who didn't know Zhao Yuanzhou was fucking faking removing his inner core and sacrificing himself!!

He's sooo embarrassed cos he outright expressed his care for Zhao Yuanzhou in front of everyone...

Such fucking fondness in the way Zhao Yuanzhou looks at him!!

Oh nice girl, get your revenge...

Oh shiiitt... the way Zhao Yuanzhou reaches to comfort Wen Xiao as Princess Longyu explains that giving away her reverse scale will cause her clan to die.

Is he immune to the poison because of the demon blood experiments he's been doing all these years?

Ahhh shit he was expecting a trick and had the fake skin on so the poison never touched his skin.

I know it's not exactly honorable etc, but really guys... instead of just hanging out upstairs listening to shit go down you COULD just fucking put a few arrows in Wen Zongyu and remove his as a threat for good?

Aaaaand that's what's behind his hatred of demons and his plan to kill them all. And I am guessing that plan is what he needs the ever-burning wood for.

Dumbass

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hand-holding!!

Fuuuuck these kinds of conversations about inevitable endings do NOT bode well for the ending!!

And here's where I think the translation is a bit lacking. They keep translating it as "Don't be afraid." But what he's actually saying is "Bu yong pa". There is no use in being afraid. Which to me is not quite the same thing.

"Don't be afraid" means "Hey, don't worry/no need to worry, it'll be fine." It's reassuring.

"There is no use is being afraid" means "It's pointless being afraid, your fear serves no purpose. Things will happen the way they will regardless of your fear." It's fatalistic rather than reassuring.

Okaaaay so they are still teasing that without giving us the answer...

You FUCKERS!! WAs that a goddamn actual kiss, shown only in blurred focus from a distance?!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Well, I was gonna say there IS a fucking rush cos a) you need to save Bai Jiu and b) fucking Ao YIn is planning to steal it from you...

But to be fair Zhao Yuanzhou's got the right idea... they don't even know how to repair the damn sword...

Ying Lei is such a fucking dumbass.

"Then nothing can go wrong" Well jfc that's just tempting fate. Famous last words if ever I heard em.

Oh god pleeeease, do I really need to remind you, Ying Lei, that Ao Yin is a shapeshifter?!

(Also didn't you tag them with powder that you claimed you can use to track and identify them?)

Oh good, you're not all that stupid.

But seriously you knew Ao Yin would come for it, why would you leave only one person guarding it? And not even your strongest person at that. This is just dumb folks...

Oh? Where the fuck has this come from?

Uuuuhhh did Zhao Yuanzhou intend to let Li Lun have the dragon scale?

Or...

As I suspected!! It's not even in the box! So what is he up to? He suggested they wait to repair the sword and then he removed the scale from the box and sealed the box with a spell he knew Li Lun could break and left it guarded by only one person....