#i didn't include the ones i already made gifs of just pretend they're also in here 😂

[shenzhiheng]

The Double Cast x Hello Saturday 20240713 ↳ Favorite Moments

[taiturner]

NEW YEARS CLEAN-UP 🎊

rules: unburden yourself from the abandoned WIPS collecting dust in your folder and share 5 gifs, then tag five people. (tagged by @yenvengerberg, thank you i feel like i can do something useful with these things now 💖)

tagging with no pressure of course: @wyllhalsin, @capinejghafa, @cardvngreenbriar, @seance, @ayoedebiris, @ughmerlin, @craintheodora, @lottiemilfews, @natscatorrcio (yeah miles i'm tagging you to be funny i know what you did with those psds)

these are all from projects that i have in a folder titled "on the bench" that i want to pretend i'll come back to, but.... some of these have been benched for so long and they're no longer fresh in my head so i fear they'll be abandoned forever. should also be mentioned that a lot of projects on the bench are literally just me making all the typography first and then losing inspo when i actually wanted to gif things.... usually by the time i do start, i change my mind about the type anyway. i also have so many abandoned gifs from other gifsets i've already posted but i'm not even sure where to begin searching so... here are some things!

one of the many gifs i already created for a prompt from @yellowjacketsoctober to put the show in a different genre. ironically, a prompt that i came up with for the event specifically to make this gifset but didn't even complete. i spent so many hours and so many days trying to gif this entire arc for these three with the intent to make it a heist drama set but after so long i realized i was just giffing exactly what happened in the show and it started to feel pointless. but at least here's a preview of something that i'll never finish. my trio of all time, can they commit more crimes together please! (should also be said that this folder is 44gb because i already saved all the caps + because these psds are so heavy... new years clean up for real)

i don't know what it is about lydia that makes it so hard for me to finish any set for her, but every time i try i seem to always lose the drive eventually (probably because twd in general just feels really uninteresting for me to blend, for some reason). from a 2022 spotify wrapped meme, i'm pretty sure i restarted this specific gifset so many different times, unhappy with the colors and the blends and the text and everything -- which is why there are two very different examples here. my girl of all time though i will finish something for her eventually (and maybe even this one, because this song is still so good for her).

one of the many gifs that were abandoned by my scream vi set for favorite slasher in october. when tumblr first changed the image upload limit to 30, i promised myself to never take advantage of that too much, but i severely underestimated how many moments i would want to include for this movie and i made so many other gifs for this set but ultimately cut them so i could try to tone it down - 18 gifs in this set still feels like a lot but i spent so much time on this set that it was hard to part with many more. anyway here's sam being the hottest final girl in the world and correct about everything.

i don't know how long this has been on the bench but it was definitely a project i started way before season 2 even aired. i think i just got stuck and wasn't sure where to go with it, but anyway her!

extra spoiler for @wyllhalsin but this was supposed to be a pride edit in june for one of my favorite lgbt characters of all time. this show's camera movements nearly makes it impossible to blend anything so i lost the drive, but i will come back for felix someday (and for coty, obviously this set was for him).

[berry-loves-yandere]

can you please do one with Stranger Things hc with an sweet autistic darling, like how do they handle certain situations and also when their darling have a huge meltdown

love ur fics btw❤

Sure!

(Nancy will not be included on this list because she already has a separate headcanon bit for this)

Yandere Stranger things with a sweet autistic darling:

Characters: Mike Wheeler, Will Byers, Eleven (Jane) Hopper, Lucas Sinclair, Max Mayfield, Steve Harrington, Jonathan Byers, Billy Hargrove, Robin Buckley, Eddie Munson, Chrissy Cunningham, Jason Carver, Gareth Emerson, Jim Hopper, Joyce Byers, Henry Creel/Peter Ballard/001

Warnings: Manipulation, obsessive behaviours, possessive behaviours, violence, unhealthy mindset, Billy and 001 are assholes (just ike in canon) DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

Mike Wheeler:

He'd definitely try his best to understand why his darling does certain things.

Or why they can't stand certain smells, fabrics, etc.

If his darling has very bad sensory issues, he'll do his best to make sure they're always comfortable since they're always sweet to him.

If his darling is having a meltdown in private, he's doing his best to comfort them and make sure they're okay but in public?

He'd pretend he didn't know his darling his he doesn't want to be embarrassed by them.

He'd apologize afterwards but he's not at all sorry.

Will Byers:

This man is so attentive and caring when it comes to his darling.

If they have sensory issues, specifically with a certain fabric?

He'd replace all his clothes that are made of that fabric to one that his darling likes.

If his darling is having a meltdown he'd immediately try to help sooth them, it doesn't matter if it's in public or private.

Eleven (Jane) Hopper:

She's in the same boat as her darling, they'd both be trying to help each in every situation, especially meltdowns.

Lucas Sinclair:

Lucas would very nice and helpful but because of the basketball team and his popularity on the line, he may not always help his darling when they're having a public meltdown.

Would always help in private tho.

Eventually wouldn't care about popularity just to be there for his darling.

Max Mayfield:

She was very kind and helpful with Eleven, so I assume she'd be the same with her darling.

With sensory issues she'd try her best to make her darling comfortable but there's only so much she can do.

When her darling has a meltdown, Max would sooth and coax her darling into being calm again.

Steve Harrington:

Is extremely careful, basically walking on eggshells around his darling, especially if they have very bad sensory issues.

When his darling has meltdowns, he does his best to calm them down.

Jonathan Byers:

He'd do basically the same thing as Will, except he'd also buy his darling anything they have a hyper fixation with.

Billy Hargrove:

Honestly, he'd call his darling all kinds of slurs.

Would only hug them when he's wearing fabric that his darling can't stand.

When his darling has a meltdown, he'd yell at them to stop crying or laugh at them.

Robin Buckley:

She's also autistic, so they'd both be helping each other out.

Eddie Munson:

Eddie would treat his darling like how he treats everyone else.

This can be good and bad but it's more neutral than anything.

No special accommodations but no judgement either.

Chrissy Cunningham:

The biggest sweetheart who would undoubtedly help in every way she can.

Always wants her darling to be happy and not uncomfortable.

Jason Carver:

Very gentle and sweet, threatens anyone who makes fun of his darling.

When his darling has a meltdown, he'd carefully sooth them.

If anyone mocks his darling's breakdown(s), they'd instantly get a punch to the nose.

Boy or girl, it's doesn't matter to him, he just wants his darling to be as happy as possible.

He'd also buy them absolutely anything he could that his darling is hyper fixated on.

Gareth Emerson:

Super sweet, probably has some sensory issues of his own, so he knows how to deal with them and help his darling with theirs.

When his darling has a meltdown, he'll try to distract them from what got them so upset then sooth them.

Jim Hopper:

He's already a very caring soul despite his 'tough guy' exterior but he'd be extra sweet to his darling.

Buys them anything that he could afford that his darling is hyper fixated on.

Tries his best to calm his darling during their meltdowns.

Joyce Byers:

Would treat her darling like anyone else but would be very caring during their breakdowns and help them with their sensory issues.

Henry Creel/Peter Ballard/001:

Finds his darling much easier to manipulate, especially when they're having a meltdown.

Doesn't care much for their sensory issues but pretends he does so his darling will think that he cares deeply about them.

Basically does not care.

[soleurs]

▎  STARLIGHT,  ft. cheongsan, suhyeok, wujin

pairing, gn! reader & first dates: aouad edition. genre, fluff. setting, non-apocalyptic. warning, mention of food and horror movies.

𝐢. lee cheongsan

almost no one knows that he had actually made a whole brainstorm board for your first date. only onjo is aware of it, but that wasn't out of choice—she's your best friend so she must know what you'd like, right? 

(spoiler alert: the best she had was dinner at cheongsan's. not that he rejected it, the idea is actually sitting in the file titled ‘future dates.’)

ANYWAYS after browsing, thinking, and panicking (yes he did it in that particular order) he brought you to the beach where the two of you spent the afternoon strolling down the border where the sea and sand touched each other.

i'm not saying he occasionally stumbled from his feet suddenly sinking in the ground. . . yeah that's exactly what i'm saying. he considers himself grateful that you were there to rescue him, only for the same thing to happen to you—

what's a visit to the beach without playing in the water, right? maybe you looked like two big kids lightly splashing at each other, and maybe some sour passersby gave a side eye at your activity but no one cared.

residing in the picture that you've stored in your most precious memories is you, him, and the sea.

seeing as how he had brought his instax camera, cheongsan didn't forget to take some souvenirs. you know, polaroids that he can hang on his bedroom wall so it'll be the first thing he's asked by anyone who walks in (especially his mother.)

the two of you had agreed to go get dinner at the nearby food stall by 6, but then you saw the sun slowly falling beyond the horizon. it wouldn't hurt to stay a little longer and admire the view, right?

“it's beautiful.”

cheongsan can only nod because his mind has malfunctioned. the words got jammed in the printing so only he knows about what he's thinking in that very moment.

yeah, you really are.

𝐢𝐢. lee suhyeok

let's pretend i haven't written a drabble about your first date with suhyeok because i love him sm i can't leave him out

alright so let's get the obvious out of the way: everyone in his friend circle knows that he's going on a date with you. after you asked him out, he ended up running around the school to find them and give the latest news. 

of course there's some squealing and teasing ‘cause this big babie's been crushing on you for a while and wanted to make a move, but you beat him to it. i mean, just imagine him smiling so widely and almost kicking his feet at the air while he tells them, details included, how it happened.

coughs 

during the date, it's mostly you browsing through the bookstore because he doesn't really have an affinity for reading but whenever you end up going on a tangent about one of the books on display that you've already read, he hangs onto every word so he can give you the appropriate reactions.

also suhyeok really wants to hold your hand but they're so sweaty that he doesn't want you to be grossed out ://

so when you notice him wiping his hands down on his sweater for the fifth time in a row, you hold out your hand. 

“can i.. can i really hold your hand?”

inhales gallons of air 

there's just so much hope that shimmers upon his chocolate hues and you're somehow still able to live while he looks at you like that.

“as long as you let me hold yours.”

i bet my whole soul he likes buying oversized sweaters because he likes that they make his giant figure a little smaller. his rolled sleeves aren't the neatest because he's so eager to do what he's been pining for ever since he picked you up for the date.

the moment that your palm is pressed against his, fingers fit snug between the gaps of his, he finds himself comparing them to two puzzle pieces.

maybe you're not perfect for everyone, but you're perfect for each other.

𝐢𝐢𝐢. jang wujin

it took two whole weeks for wujin to go on a date with you, seeing as how he had asked you out during preparations for the regional archery tournament. but this sweetheart was patient and the time finally came so he should be excited, right?

Y E A H no.

don't get him wrong, he was originally over the moon, then his nerves just had to come in and chomp up all the space. so an hour before the main event, hari stepped in to assure him of three things: a) he looks good, b) be himself 'cause that's who you like, and c) she'll happily use him as a target if he breaks your heart.

in a previous conversation, you told him that you like horror movies so he bought two tickets to the latest flick. you're happy since there's been plenty of positive reviews about this so it must be good. wujin's happy for you and just so wrapped up in seeing you smile that he forgets to mention one teeny detail—

he hates horror movies.

as in, can't have any snacks or else the floor will eat it after a jump scare appears. 

but this is what you were looking forward to so he puts on a brave façade and tries to get through it all.. only to bury his face in your shoulder during the first fifteen (15) minutes because why are they already chucking scary moments at the viewer?? shouldn't they build it up, let him prepare??

when it's clear that he won't move from that position, that's when you figure it out. ofc you feel yourself falling for him a little more, he really forced himself to sit through this screening just so you can enjoy your time with him.

the two of you end up leaving the cinema midway through and poor wujin keeps apologizing for ruining the date. his spirit has deflated like a sad balloon as he fully believes you want to end it there.

but when you suggest going to the nearby arcade where both of you will definitely have fun, maybe he hasn't missed his chances at winning more dates with you.

��just a heads up, i won't go easy on you when it comes to air hockey.”

liar, he “accidentally” let the puck fall through his side many times. anything to see you smile, that's what he says when you ask him about it.

bullseye, he lands right on your heart.

© SOLEURS — 2022.  

[barsformars]

Back

//

g - fluff; non-idol!au

p - vet!jongho × vet!reader

w.c - 1.1k+

t.w - none

c - jongho tries to prove that the cat loves him more than it loves you but him cheating just led to much desired but unexpected situations.

a.n - hello im back to make @closer-stars suffer with another jongho writing! not too sure if you would like the vet au but cats! so kdksksk hope you like it bebs <3

t.l - @closer-stars (ofc) @fromercury @jeongyunhoed @ateezlovenet

//

"Siru loves me more and I am going to prove it to you today," Jongho stated confidently but him sneaking her favourite salmon jerky into the front pockets of his white coat says otherwise. You pretend you don't see anything, just giving him a light shrug and a smile that Jongho can only describe as an I-would-love-to-see-you-try-for-the-umpteenth-time smile.

It's always less talk and more action when it comes to Jongho so he doesn't even bother whining about you doubting Siru's love for him. He pushes through the door to the back where Siru is resting along with the other pets in the clinic, the salmon jerky still in his pocket (of course). You quickly follow right after, not wanting to miss even a second of what was about to come. You usually wouldn't ever dream of him doing it but it's inevitable if he really wants to fight for Siru's attention.

"Siru~" Jongho cooes just like every other overly affectionate pet owner in the world. Oh yes, Jongho's pet owner voice has finally made its debut. You won't even tell him how many times you have overheard him practicing it in the exam room when he assumed you were busy attending to other animals in the other exam room. It definitely sounds much more natural now, maybe because he's actually saying it to an actual cat rather than to the canine skeleton model in his exam room.

"Siru, come here." Jongho's so determined he even included a meow between his words. You stifle a laugh as you watch him from behind. Everything you were witnessing now was ridiculous, ridiculously adorable.

The tortoiseshell seemed to have picked up the scent of her favourite treat because you see her sniffing in the direction of Jongho's pocket, her eyes fixed on it rather than Jongho's face. If he was able to get her out of her cage, even by baiting her like this, you would still acknowledge his victory. It would still be an improvement from before when she wouldn't even move a step closer to him. A small win is still a win.

Unfortunately, Jongho completely messes up when he goes on to say: "It's time for your daily check-up, baby." Yeah....using the word "baby" here wasn't going to work if the three prohibited words in the cat's dictionary was also included in the same sentence. With that, Siru folds her ears back down and immediately goes to hide in the corner of her cage.

"Great! Another free cup of coffee for me!" You chirped as you moved forward to give him a pat on his shoulder.

Jongho sighs in defeat, his shoulders slumping over. "Maybe I should have just been an ordinary doctor for humans. I still don't understand how to get the pets to warm up to me."

"Hey, that was a pretty close attempt," you comforted him. "You just need a little more practice, can't really blame you when you spend more time operating on them rather than interacting when they're conscious."

"But-"Jongho straightens his back so fast you almost lose your balance due to the shock-"I know a trick ninety-nine point nine percent of animals can't resist." He shoots you a mischievous glance and a smirk as he pulls out his 'secret' weapon, which did indeed catch Siru's attention.

Siru was already near the entrance of the cage when your competitiveness takes over you. Your first instinct was to create a distance between the two of them, and maybe you could blame it on your frequent fantasies in doing so, but your arms naturally went around his waist as you pulled him away, you now behind him once again.

"You think I didn't notice? You cheater!" You unintentionally gave him a tight squeeze as you tried to snatch the treat out of his hand and Jongho feels like you had just snatched his breath away, literally and figuratively.

"U-uh...that's a tad too tight, my dear." Jongho regrets almost instantly for saying that right now. It was not unusual for him to use it on you but using it in this situation was probably not the best idea; misunderstandings may arise.

If anyone ever asks you for an instance where your competitiveness takes over you, you're going to use this as an example because you didn't even notice the position the both of you were in until Jongho had said that. "Oh shit, sorry." You tried to take a step back and away from your colleague but it seems like the universe has other plans for the both of you because you trip over Jongho's foot in the process.

You would like to thank his quick reflexes in grabbing your arms — that were pretty much still around him — and reeling you back in, otherwise you would have crashed into the cages behind you, giving the other animals an extremely unpleasant wake-up call. But you also hate it, because now the both of you are closer than before, one cheek squished against his back and his hands firmly holding onto yours, the both of you frozen on the spot. How were you supposed to act in a situation like this?

You were the first one to break the awkward but somehow comforting silence, clearing your throat and redirecting the both of you back to the real reason you two were in here for — Siru.

"Oh yeah, Siru..."

"I'll get her," you said, pulling away cautiously this time to avoid the same situation from happening again. Jongho fingers lingers on your arms as you do just in case he needs to catch you again.

"Okay, I'll go get prepared."

"Thanks." Jongho nods in acknowledgement and heads straight towards the door, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. His heart was pumping dangerously fast, it couldn't be healthy to let it continue that way for any longer.

Jongho was just about to close the door behind him, so he could wipe away the cold sweat that was starting to drip down his warm face, when you called out to him. He can barely breathe all because of you.

"We should talk about it after work." You notice the slight confusion in his face, and though you know he's quick-witted enough to figure out what you mean, you don't want to leave any chances of him misunderstanding. "About us, I mean. But also I mean even if you have nothing to say to me, I have lots of things to tell you. So, please?"

"Sure, we can talk about us."

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXIX

It was a love story from the very beginning.

I Want You Back (Part II)

(11x16b/11x17)

Hello there! Finally finishing the second part of this meta.

It will focus on the parallel between the entity from the 'Safe House' episode and Amara it’s suggesting. Afterwards we will talk about one of the episodes that were discussed more controversially among us Destiel shippers, I'm talking about 'Red Meat',  and I will show you step by step that it is, indeed, a very Destiel one.

Thanks to @destielle for beta-ing this one! She's amazing. Thank you girl! 😘💝

Soul Eater

Let's talk about that haunting parallel I just mentioned.

If you check episode 11x16, there is this entity from that house that ate souls. 

RUFUS: A Soul Eater? What the hell is that?

BOBBY: Undead creature that feeds on souls. Hence the name. They exist in a place between our world and… another. Soul Eater moves into a house, and once it does, it makes what the lore refers to as a ‘nest’.

RUFUS: A place that exists outside of time and space.

//

SAM:The nest looks and feels like whatever house the Soul Eater is in.

The creature created a fake house, like a reflection in the mirror. It’s a fake home in which the entity shows people the souls of the ones they love in different and terrible situations (dead) to keep them under it's dominium. From the moment the seal was broken, the creature attacked again. 

SAM: Apparently, the nest messes with their victim's head, shows them things they love, parts of their soul in distress, it keeps the victim's soul vulnerable.

So we have a broken seal, a powerful creature eating souls, a fake reality to keep them dominated, right?

And Bobby saying that he could feel the evil in that dimension…

I think we have the perfect description of Amara here, Dean and Sam broke the sigil, Cain's Mark, and she was released, she eats souls, just like the Soul Eater, creating a fake happiness/reality to dominate the victims/Dean.

Again the writers are showing us that Amara is evil, her dominance over Dean is established through fear.

I think it’s vital to mention that between all the books Rufus and Bobby were reading, there was one with the title "Fallen Angel", it make us recall Castiel and Lucifer with the particularity that they're sharing vessels at that moment. Two fallen angels: one fell due to love and the other due to hate.

Another interesting visual narrative that acted as a foreshadowing, was the soul eater placing a hand on Dean's chest in the same way Rowena will place her hand on him in the last episode of the season where he’ll become a soul bomb.

And now, pay close attention to the following scene, because it’s connected to the next episode (Red Meat).

RUFUS: What'd you see, Bobby?

BOBBY: My boys. Both of 'em. Both of 'em dead. And I saw… well I don't know what the hell I saw.

And…

SAM: Hey, you said the Soul Eater made you see things. Plural. So… what else did you see?

DEAN: I saw you. Dead on the floor.

This was a foreshadowing of Sam laying dead on the floor (well he won’t die, but almost) in the next episode. But it’s A BLATANT MIRROR. BOBBY SEEING HIS SONS DEAD ON THE FLOOR. AND IT’S REFLECTING PURELY FAMILIAL LOVE. A father and his two children who are brothers.

FAMILY LOVE, there's no hint of ROMANTIC LOVE in here, no Wincest! Bobby was actively chosen to pose as the mirror. The writers easily could have used a couple with the husband seeing his wife laying dead on the floor, right? But it was BOBBY who saw his boys on the floor, just like Dean saw his brother. It’s about Family!

Sorry I'm a little bossy here, but I need you to understand this point before jumping to the next one.

Using Logic

Let's analyze episode 11x17 with logical facts…

The mentioning of Castiel at the beginning of the episode is there to remind us that Dean is feeling miserable because they couldn't rescue him yet. And he is not sleeping because of that. Sam is trying to comfort him by saying that they’ll get him back.

The episode introduced Corbin and Michelle, a newly-wed couple very much in love.

Corbin would do anything to protect Michelle (Dean mirror) and he is the one becoming a monster (werewolf), so he’s acting as our Castiel's mirror here.

Sam gets shot, and he has a very bad wound. We have Corbin trying to kill him, because he would do anything to save Michelle, even if that implies making a bad decision.

Now, we have Dean thinking his brother is dead. But keep in mind that WHEN HE ENTERS THE ROOM SAM IS ALREADY DEAD (in Dean’s eyes at leat). So DEAN DIDN'T SEE HIS BROTHER DIE. HE FOUND HIM DEAD, LAYING ON THE FLOOR. (First fact).

Then this… he asks Michelle to assist him in his try to contact Death… but … he also says this ..

Dean: Okay. After I do this, go get the doc and tell her to, um... Tell her to bring me back, if she can. If not... no hard feelings, okay?

He is not suicidal here, THIS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT TO EPISODE 13X05 WHEN HE WANTED TO DIE, NOT WANTING TO LIVE BECAUSE CAS WASN'T ANYMORE. Even knowing Sam was dead, Dean wanted to live. GIVING YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR BROTHER DOESN'T COUNT AS A SUICIDAL THOUGHT, BUT INSTEAD AS SOMETHING ANYONE WOULD DO FOR THEIR BROTHER, especially when that brother is your little brother you raised yourself like a father. (Second Fact).

Dean wants to be alive because he needs to rescue Cas.

Billie: That's what I thought. It's cute, though. You pretending you're trying to save Sam for the greater good, when we both know you're doing it for you. You can't lose him. But even if Sammy could win the title bout... the answer would still be “no.” The answer will always be “no.” Game's over, Dean. No more second chances. No more extra lives. Time to say bye-bye to Luigi, Mario.

This sums up perfectly how Dean feels about Sammy. He raised him, he always took care of him. He can't lose him because all his life revolved around Sam. This is not Wincest, this is solely FAMILY LOVE. Remember what we said about Bobby a little earlier, these were Bobby's feelings too.

I will put here an addition from Destielle, she talked about the well known toxic codependency, and i think is important too:

"Billie basically calls out the toxic codependency between Sam and Dean here. ‘You’re doing it for you’ she deadpans. It’s more about Dean fulfilling the task, or rather duty, John gave him so early on, that it’s part of Dean’s personality. An automatism. He doesn’t want Sam to live because it was Sam’s wish, but because Dean needs Sam to keep things the way they always have been as so not having to deal with himself."

Is interesting because John Winchester heritage to Dean was the GUILT and the FIRST BORN duty, so practically, he keeps reacting and acting like a soldier that needs to protect the little brother and the entire world, I talked so many times in My metas about this toxic heritage and about THE BIG PROTECTOR living inside Dean. Interesting comment my friend! Thank you!

Dean’s spirit [sadness and desperation in his eyes]: I'm asking you... I'm begging you, please. Bring him back. Bring him back and take me instead.

DEAN WINCHESTER WILL ALWAYS GIVE HIS LIFE IN EXCHANGE FOR THE ONES HE LOVES BECAUSE HE IS DEAN WINCHESTER. NOT JUST FOR SAM, BUT FOR THE WORLD, AND CAS.

Billie: I'm not here to bargain with you, kid. I'm here to reap you. And the kicker is... Sam's not dead. [Dean looks stunned] But you are. Or will be, soon enough.

Now… let's go with Michelle and Dean's conversation… the third fact:

Dean: Michelle, this is gonna be very hard. But you will be okay. And, eventually... eventually you'll get back to normal.

Dean is talking from experience. Drawn from every time he lost a friend, a family member (including Sam) which he always affronted in the same way, by hunting, drinking heavily and stuffing bacon in his face. It always was hard at first but got better with time until he got back to normal. He's talking with determination because he lost a lot of beloved people. But … he hasn’t lost the love of his life yet… Michelle did…

Gif set credit @thejabberwock 👇

Michelle [sighing]: No, I won't. They said I could leave... [she sighs] an hour ago. But... where am I even supposed to go? After everything we survived together... [turning back to Dean] I watched the man I love die. There's no normal after that.

This is a rich piece of text over there. First of all, she's convincing Dean she won't be back to normal. Ever. She's the one talking with authority now, because she's talking from her experience of losing the love of her life… 'where am I even supposed to go?' SHE'S LOST, Just as lost as Dean will be for the first 5 episodes from season 13. 'After everything we survived together…' these words are carving deep into Dean's heart, because the man he loves is in danger in the very moment, and I know he's recalling everything they survived together. 'I watched the man I love die, there's no normal after that', Dean's face is priceless here, full of fear, he doesn't want to go through the same Michelle has and had to. He doesn't want to watch Cas die. And I want you to remember the first fact I pointed out, MICHELLE IS SAYING SHE WATCHED CORBIN DIE, not that she found him dead. Okay? So we are not talking about a reference to the death of Sam here. Dean didn't watch him die, he found him dead. And secondly, Dean knows Sam is okay by now, so why would he display a face full of pain and fear? Who's the one in real danger now, possessed by Lucifer? CASTIEL. DEAN DOESN'T WANT TO SEE CASTIEL DIE. HENCE THE TERRIFIED EXPRESSION.

AND THAT'S WHY IN THE NEXT EPISODE HE WILL FIGHT AGAINST RATIO, AGAINST WHAT’S THE LOGICAL THING TO DO, JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE THE MAN HE LOVES DIE. Sorry for the yelling. But I needed to make things clear.

To Conclude:

The Soul Eater in episode 11x16 is a blatant mirror of Amara. Another way to show us her dominance over Dean is a forced and dark one.

Episode 11x17 must be analyzed with logic. The clues are in the details and related to the previous episode in which Bobby saw Sam and Dean dead. It was purely about FAMILIAL LOVE and it must not be mistaken for something else because that just would be a twisted interpretation.

Dean giving his life in exchange for the one of EVERYONE shouldn't be mistaken for suicidal tendencies, too.

The fact that he wanted to go on with his life EVEN THOUGH BEING CONVINCED SAM IS DEAD is an important difference to how Dean is behaving in 13x05.

We have the foreshadowing for Castiel's death and Mourning!Dean and a prelude to 11x18 where we’ll have a very desperate Dean trying to save his angel.

Hope you liked this one! See you in the next meta!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis

If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas From s11, her you have the links.

Vol. LXII, XLIII, XLIV, LXV, LXVI, LXVII, LXVIII

Buenos Aires July 7th 2020 5:36 PM

[babaleshy]

Something I May Need to Stop Doing...

I'll be venting in this post, but this is about the desire to move out of a desperate want for change right now even though such a move is not meant to be.

On occasion, I go onto zillow's website and check out houses around Pittsburgh out of curiosity just to see what houses are going for what price in what kind of condition. I've noticed something incredibly enticing: there are some houses going for under $100,000 and are technically livable. It's just got flaking/chipping paint, may need new rugs, and other general clean-ups. The only "major" thing I wanna do to any of these houses falling under this criteria is the fact that I feel more comfortable with a tin roof.

These houses that I find are within city limits, most of these houses I've shown an interest in are close to sidewalks. This means if I were to move into one of these houses, then I'd have a chance to properly commute!

Ah, but why exactly am I making this post? What is it that I'm venting about? And what did I mean earlier when I said "not meant to be?"

Back in 2014 (autumn, specifically), my husband and I had to move out of our apartment in downtown Pittsburgh to my parents' farm in Ohio. Two reasons made us do this: one was the skyrocketing rent prices when HUD sold our building, causing rent to go from $539/mo to $720/mo. My husband worked at a casino, and was making $10/hr, so when rent prices went up like mad, we really began to struggle to survive. The other thing was bedbugs. The building manager laughed at our discomfort and said, "What do you expect me to do about it? Where would everyone go for the building to be treated?" Like, you're a shit manager if you haven't come up with those contingency plans.

Paying $720/mo for a bedbug-infested apartment (bedbugs are fucking hard to get rid of) and living in a constant state of itchy breakout made us decide it was time to move in with my parents. Because we literally could not afford to live anywhere else, and our student loan debt fucked up our credit scores, so we couldn't even get a house (and we were looking for one at the time!).

We used to think living on this farm was temporary until reality set in, that there is absolutely no possible way for us to make it on our own now. My husband has ADHD and anxiety and is still struggling to practice to get his driver's license (it's hard when my dad is a major source of my husband's stress; my dad's an asshole and gets worse by the year), and I'm Autistic, so I can't hold down a regular job, and nothing else is hiring.

In terms of getting a job for me at all, either I'd have to go to school for my special interest for the job (ecology, entomology, and/or paleontology) or I'd rather work in a library.

Welp, college is far too expensive for me to pay out of pocket, and my already existing student loan debt is barring me from getting any sort of financial aid to go back to school at all. As far as the library is concerned? Remember when I said my husband is currently struggling to practice for his license? (He doesn't get much practice because my dad is a stressful asshole that makes my husband have a horrible headache and anxiety after he drives). We have 2 vehicles, one my mom uses to get to work, and the other my dad uses to take my husband to work as well as do errands in like grocery shopping and shit like that.

I can't get a ride.

Can't ride a bicycle, either. It's definitely not safe (I live in America, if you couldn't tell). My parents' farm is deep within one of the back roads with one of the properties on this road being an oil rig. The oil workers drive like assholes, not caring what animal they hit, speeding through here. There are dirtbikes and four-wheelers that speed through here, too. There's no room for 2 vehicles to pass one another, and nothing but pure fucking hill the moment you step off the side of the road. I literally cannot bike here.

But let's pretend I got onto one of the main roads on either end of our road. It's even worse! And STILL no room for bicyclists! This goes for fucking miles until you reach a residential area! Except for a nearby little village-town that has the closest library branch. It's the village my husband grew up in, but there's a lot of sketchy turns, corners, and again, no room for bicycles. This includes main roads.

With all this in mind, I actually considered the possibility of moving to that village, because the village itself is actually safe enough to bike ride in. The problem is: I'm not guaranteed to get a job at the library at all. I tried getting a job as a library clerk at the Carnegie Library in Pittsburgh, got interviewed and everything, and didn't get the job for whatever reason. In fact, I'm not guaranteed a job at all at any library branch, regardless of the neighborhood. So moving to such an area depending on the chance of being hired there is not worth it.

Such a village is actually rather unfriendly, and that goes for a lot of communities here on this side of Ohio. You'd think this was one of the southern states from its people and what flags they fly.

So why not Pittsburgh? Why not move there if we could?

Well, I thought about it. It has all the perks I could expect such as public transportation, somewhat safer bicycling areas to commute to school and work, and more importantly: THINGS TO DO.

Living in the middle of nowhere blows when you want to, on your own without relying on someone to drive you, go and do something, such as buying fabric or art supplies for future projects, or going to the library, or anything, really! Yeah, I do want to garden, but I don't have the means to do that on a damn farm (long, frustrating story that made me stop believing my parents' promises).

Not to mention, I still have friends in Pittsburgh, If I wanna see them, they don't have to drive an hour and 45 minutes (and that's if they have a car) to visit. I got 2 friends here in the area, and they're busy with their work's demanding schedules. When we do hang out, Cards Against Humanity, Uno, and D&D can only do so much until it gets old and boring and you wanna do something else that isn't hanging out at a dead mall. There is truly nothing to do here. Pittsburgh has the museums, libraries, parks, and far more interesting establishments to lurk in.

So again: why not Pittsburgh?

Because that city has changed and is still changing compared to when I was last there. My regular watering hole (The Beehive) is no more. There are neighborhoods being gentrified (meaning I'm not guaranteed to keep my home even if I pay it off). Businesses are closing, meaning people will be losing their jobs, and some of the other places hiring (like libraries) are not guaranteed to hire me, especially when I haven't had a job since 2010.

There's also my cat to consider; she gets stressed at the sound of a lawn-mower (I don't blame her). She wouldn't be able to handle the sounds of the city. Unless we found a place not too close to downtown, such a move is a no-go.

I've daydreamed about living in Pittsburgh again. I'm homesick for Pittsburgh. I've realized only recently that that city was my home. Not this farm, not even the house I grew up in. I felt like a person who didn't have to rely on people for rides and such. It's the only place where I've truly lived on my own and enjoyed it.

I've actually considered moving out of this country and found that even more impossible. No matter which country you pick, no matter what language you learn, not only do you have to pay for your things to be shipped, for your plane ticket for a one-way trip, or whatever you need to become a citizen there, you still have to pay at least $2,000 to revoke your American citizenship or else you will be forced to pay American taxes despite never setting foot on American soil ever again.

Thanks to capitalism, America has made it fucking impossible for the average person to leave for good. If you are born here, you are financially enslaved here unless you're wealthy enough to leave.

So... What's the plan?

Well, for now: not much. The pandemic has set plans back a bit, but my parents have a lien on the house thanks to my private student loans my mom was bullied and forced into co-signing for. She... I guess?... is almost done paying them off? I don't know. My parents don't like communicating need-to-know info with me and then get mad when I don't absorb it through osmosis. Once the lien is taken off the house, mom wants to move north to be near her sister, and she said she'll try finding a farm for sale near Kent State so it'll be an easier commute (be it by bicycle or by car). My intention is to enroll there to be able to get a job as an ecologist (focus in entomology, specializing in arachnology) with a minor in paleontology.

Once I've gotten that all taken care of (as well as my husband going back to school for what he wants), we move to the pacific northwest, mainly just north of Seattle somewhere.

I hate Ohio. I hate running into people I've gone to school with that I try to avoid (more like I see them, but they don't recognize me? At least I hope not?). I hate this place so much. I hate this climate, being near people I don't want just randomly showing the fuck up. And what's the use of living near family when they don't want to bother visiting you? I hate hearing my mom tell me so-and-so that I obviously want nothing to do with told her to tell me they said hi. I'm tired of fearing I'll run into someone that abused me in the past because now they're back in the fucking area again apparently.

I've got my fingers crossed that something is gonna give and college to some level (community college?) will be free for residents or something. It'll give me a chance to go back to school for something close to what I wanna do so I can maybe get a job? Completing something at a community college would at least make it easier for me to get enrolled at a university.

My husband and I picked Seattle (or close to Seattle) for its climate. It's (usually) not blistering hot every goddamn year, and it's not horribly cold thanks to the mountain range (I'm quite cold-intolerant). We both enjoy overcast weather and rain. We'd rather take our chances with volcanoes than earthquakes or hurricanes in areas where these things are guaranteed to happen yet nobody ruling these areas wants to invest in infrastructure that helps stand a chance against them. Seattle also has a nice combination of city and wilderness side-by-side. Not much of that with Pittsburgh.

If I was forced to only move to Pittsburgh and no other city, I wouldn't mind, especially since I'm more familiar with Pittsburgh than I am with anything in my current local area (because I had to travel on foot instead of relying on a car to get to places!). Fuck, my mom wouldn't even let me do anything by myself out of the yard when we lived in the village I grew up in because she was a paranoid fuck and by the time I JUST STARTED gaining independence for having a bike and bicycling to the post office everyday, we moved to this farm.

Oh, this isn't a roof over my head I should be thankful for. My parents got screwed. Our water is full of iron and calcium that no filter can fix, so we constantly have plumbing problems, the post and internet connections are questionable at best, we get ant infestations from 2 species EVERY YEAR, all for a farm my mom wanted for horses she always wanted and eventually got but has little next to no energy to spend the time she wants with them and she refuses to admit her age has a lot to do with it on top of her working so she sits in the living room on THREE DIFFERENT DEVICES sucking up bandwidth to religiously watch every fucking livestream of a country singer she likes (and complains if she's missing it for any reason!), scroll through Facebook, and play a fucking shitty app game!

Our internet out here? The physical equipment is outdated (copper wires instead of fiber-optic cables) because the fucking company doesn't wanna spend the money to upgrade it.

So instead, we're stuck here, with my husband losing his sanity bit by bit by the day at his shitty retail job (every other available job offering would be worse in this area) and I sit here and hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I could start gardening soon.

I miss Pittsburgh. I really do. But despite all of its benefits it would give me and my husband if we moved back, I don't think it will happen.

In the off-chance that we don't move north, that my dad's assholery intensifies and he decides to remain here (he has to legally agree to sell this house in order for my mom to move north; dad's reasons keep fucking changing), Pittsburgh is a nice back-up plan. Pitt University actually has the major I'd want to go back to school for, as well as what my husband wants to go back to school for, and we'd already be familiar with the city and what to expect of it. However, we're aiming higher, and hoping to move to the pacific northwest, instead.

But I think to avoid losing my sanity, I should stop daydreaming about a future that may never be.

Fingers crossed!