#i didn't expect this one to have Such a clear lead lmao

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

#doesnt bertie do something similar with his vocabulary lapses and the numerous instances of 'if x is the word i mean'#bertie is writing his stories after the fact just like jeeves - he could look it up. he doesnt. in jeeves in the offing bertie gets a word#wrong ergo dahlia doesnt understand what he means and bertie reacts as though it were self-evident that dahlia couldnt have understood him#even if he'd used the right word: 'you are probably not familiar with the word but its one i've heard jeeves use'#if we assume that that is how bertie looks at the world then he doesnt have to look it up - to bertie people like him (people who will read#his writings) dont know words like jeeves does and therefore it is unneccessary to be 100% sure which word he means - noone else would know#and while jeeves doesnt include literary allusions in his narration he very much establishes himself as an authority in that area#except he does it through bertie - he is writing a guide addressed to new valets and right at the beginning he quotes emerson at bertie#who is immediately portrayed as the guy who cant remember the name of the play he saw the evening before. jeeves is absolutely showing off!#there are three foreign words set in cursive in the first paragraph alone! but the difference is while he may be showing off he - just as#you said - has nothing to prove - he is already the authority and here hes just establishing another way in which a valet#has to keep the upper hand

@noandnooneelse's tags for further discussion about jeeves as a narrator but responding in the tags because that's the most superior method of communication

you guys ever notice how in his dialogue when he's in bertie's presence, jeeves uses quotations and references constantly, but in his THOUGHTS during "bertie changes his mind," he doesn't use any? this is obviously because he doesn't care if we the audience know he knows shakespeare, but he will languish and die if he doesn't get to dazzle bertie with his wit and knowledge every five seconds

[leafostuff]

One Heck of a Joyride[Ft. WooAh's Nana]

Word Count: 14-15K~ words

Collab with @octoberautumnbox

My Author's Notes: we are so excited to finally release this fic for yall, me and box have been working on this fic since the end of FEBRUARY (almost 3 months) and we have been working on it so hard to make it the best it can be so I really hope you will enjoy this fic

@octoberautumnbox's author notes: there u have it! took the better part of three months, but it was really fun to work on :DDDD Thanks to leafo for making sure i didn't slack LMAO

No tags since it is too long but this is fluff and smut

Thanks: of course @octoberautumnbox for working with me on this amazing collab. @4m1rz for being my lovely beta reader and @libraryoferos for being my motivation to not be lazy on this fic

And so without any further preface, let's get started, shall we?

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“And I expect you all to get along this year. Leave the past behind you as you all face a new future together.” Sporadic applause rises slowly from the crowd and dies down twice as quickly. The dean sighs away from the mic and drifts offstage, leaving everyone disinterested in the rest of the program. It all goes by in a blur, and finally ends right as the air conditioners start to fail against the heat of a summer not-yet-ended. 

Your attention is drawn away from the droning on and on from the stage and towards the many characters that populate the theater with you. You catch glimpses of people talking with their friends, a few crazy hair colours, and the occasional sleeping student who’s no doubt already saving up hours for the all-nighters to come. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice someone in the front row with both people sitting next to her conspicuously leaning away. They seem to want to get up and leave her there by herself, but the way she gives no reaction despite the jeering tone coming from her seatmates leads you to think that she’s asleep herself. 

~~~

“So yeah, That's the tour, bucko. Check the map if you’re ever lost.” Your student tour guide points at the multi-colored document on your phone. Vaguely you recall the various little symbols: which classrooms you can sleep in, which bathrooms are haunted, which shortcuts are best, all of the must-know basics of college life. 

As you continue scanning around the campus, the girl from the assembly catches your attention again. She has her hood up this time, but you can tell it’s her; her quick pacing and how she is not looking around at anyone making you believe that she’s trying her best to hide.

“What about that one? Do we not talk about her?” you ask, pointing at the oblivious figure walking past, drawing eyes and whispers much like your own. 

Your guide scoffs at the absurd idea. “That’s Nayeon. And no, we don’t. She fucked up last year, big time. Got a bunch of us in trouble. So stay away from her, she has those goody-two-shoes germs.” he says, walking away as while signaling you to follow him.

You wonder what she could have done to gain such a reputation. She was adorable earlier with her hood off, but the way people talk about her makes you want to steer clear against your own will. 

~-~-~-~

Curiosity ends up killing the cat, and you manage to gather bits and pieces of the incident from last year from gossip, class lore, and even the way some professors acted:

“She’s the luckiest bitch in the world with not a single shred of common sense. Seriously, who goes and rats on a hundred other students like that?”

“The test incident shows she only looks out for herself, even if it means bringing down the entire class.”

“There’s really no excuse for it. You have the answer key in your hand, of course you take a picture! You don’t just leave it where it’ll incriminate some other innocent loser and say you’re only trying to do the right fucking thing.”

The sheer number of factoids you gather from the wild bunch of sources only slightly make sense. Unfortunately, trying to piece them together only took up more space and brainpower which you should have used to study for your midterms coming up. Keep to yourself and you can just barely pass and move on; there is no time for college drama.

After the exam, you approach the professor to ask about possibly bumping up your grade. You decided to maybe half-ass an extra credit assignment and get the lowest passing score, but you resolve to just see where it goes. While lost in thought, you nearly bump into the small girl in front of you. already talking to the teacher, and by the way they’re whispering, it seems like it’s something serious. 

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to do here anymore, Miss Kwon,” the professor admits as he takes off his glasses and rubs his nose bridge. “None of this was necessary. I thought we wanted to leave all this behind us.”

Nayeon looks down to her toes in defeat. “I’m sorry, Sir. I was just thinking, maybe I’d get sent out of class this time.” Her voice cracks, giving away her vulnerable state: she’s near tears but trying to fight everything back to look tough. Sadly for her, you think, none of it is working.

“Look, just try to lay low. It’s your last year before all of this starts to not matter anymore.” Your professor finally puts his glasses back on and looks Nayeon straight in the eye. “Trust me, you’re better off keeping your head down. You’ll be fine.”

She walks despondently off to the right and out the door. Your feet choose to follow her, but a sudden jolt restores your common sense. “And you, Mister New Guy, what seems to be the problem? Beside your dismal score, that is.”

You have a slight feeling you are not getting a higher score.

~-~-~

After talking it out fruitlessly with the professor, he releases you from his classroom and you make your way out. The conversation with him didn’t take long, and so you arrive to a few jeers and muffled laughter once you step outside.

“Serves her right. Trying all this bullshit isn’t gonna change anything.” 

“Seriously, cheating on a test she obviously studied for? How dense could she be?”

“I bet she just wants to show us up. She’ll study and then cheat, then she gets perfect marks on the test and she’ll show us she’s untouchable again.” 

You find it hard to believe that Nayeon would resort to something as convoluted and pointless as that, but then again, you really don’t know her to make a judgment. Whatever she was thinking, you agree that it was idiotic to pull that sort of thing, even if you didn’t see any of it.

The weather on campus is the right mix of cloudy and sunny, with rays of light shining respectfully on the grass and pavement of your college courtyard. Something tells you that people-watching by the gym feels like the perfect lunchtime activity for a day like this, so you find your way to the properly noisy setting and look for a spot out of the way. 

You settle on a spot by the side of the gym with the perfect amount of shade and wind, but you’re instead drawn further back to the rear by strange and irregular noises. Turning the last corner, you’re met with a surprising figure.

It was Nayeon, sitting with her back against one of the walls, her entire body curled up like a ball. You slowly inch closer and closer to her, and you realize the strange noises that you heard before were instead sniffles and cries coming from the lonely girl. Finally as you get close enough, Nayeon feels your presence and raises her head.

Her eyes were full of tears, who knows for how long she had been crying, and you could feel the sadness coming from her eyes; they were trying to tell you something, however, it's hard to figure out what. Her expression of sadness didn't stay for long though as soon enough her expression turns angry when you get closer to her, squatting down to look at the girl from a closer angle.

“Please, go away. Leave me alone.” The small girl pushes you away, but with her hand preoccupied wiping away her tears, she can’t do much to get rid of you. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You have the nerve to do what you did last year and still show your face?” The anger in your voice catches you off guard. Since when did you take it personally when it came to her?

“Oh fuck off, new guy,” she taunts. “So I’m fucking hiding here, what more do you want?” She tries to act tough again, but it’s painfully apparent to both of you that it isn’t working. At this point, you really do just want to leave her alone. And just like every other time, nothing’s stopping you. So why are you staying?

You breathe a sigh of defeat at the situation you find yourself in. “Look, I don’t have any sort of beef with you personally, but come on. This is pathetic. You’re only embarrassing yourself by doing all this bullshit that isn’t like you at all.”

“And what if it’s not like me?!” Her shout sends a few birds hiding in nearby bushes to take off. This sort of language takes you aback from her; Little Miss Perfect Kwon Nayeon, top honour student, teacher’s favourite pet, hating herself? 

“I… I don’t like being me, and I don’t like what I am.” She wipes her tears again and tries (and fails) to look you in the eyes once more. “So if you’re another member of the ‘I hate Nayeon’ club, well… Better show the club president some respect.”

She sits back down with her back against the wall. Nayeon's eyes are wet for the last time before she wipes them off and faces her lack of tears.

Normally in situations like those you would just walk away and ignore people like those for the rest of the school year, but for some reason with Nayeon in front of you, showing herself being weak, fragile, and sad, something about her makes it so you can't leave the situation alone. Curiosity gets the best of you, and you have to know why.

“No,” you turn back to her as a determined expression is painted on your face.

“What?”

“I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me.” You stand your ground, arms crossed, and Nayeon can't seem to be any more pissed than before. “What is going on? What do you mean you don't like yourself?” you ask.

For a while, no one dares to speak another word, and you wonder if what you have here is an argument. For a good few seconds, she stares at you intently as silence hangs heavy in the air. 

“You think,” she says defeatedly between sniffles, “that I'm Little Miss Perfect, right? Like everyone calls me ‘the straight-A girl?’ Well I’m not, and I’m tired of everyone saying so.” She fishes out a very used handkerchief from her pocket and wipes her eyes of tears, only for them to be replaced by more. 

“It can’t be that bad, Nayeon. People look up to you, I’m sure.” You finally notice your alarms are blaring and you’re put on high alert. What you just said was the exact wrong thing to say, and you’re at critical risk of involving yourself in her messy situation more than you should.

She side-eyes you, calculating if you’re being sincere or not. She stuffs her handkerchief back into her pocket carelessly as if knowing that she’ll only pull it back out again soon. She looks down at her hands, deep in thought, looking like she’s trying to grapple with something she might regret. 

Once she’s done, she fumbles around in her backpack. She fishes out a tiny black notebook she seems to keep so well hidden, on the cover of the notebook the words ‘Nana’s Bucket List’ are scrawled in big, bold, immature-looking letters.

“Throughout all of my life, I always wanted to be the top student, the best of the best like no one ever was, and I succeeded, you know…” she scoffs. “Top marks in Elementary, Middle school, and Valedictorian in high school.” She sighs and tries to fight back more tears, though you notice she’s a bit more successful this time, with a bit of hope and yearning in her eyes.

"But on the other side… The other side seems so great. I mean, I see all these movies and books about college life," she says in between residual sobs and hiccups. She opens the notebook, showing you a not-so-long list, and even though it's hard to see the text from the small size of the writing, you can make out a little bit of what’s written on the paper.

Cheat on a test 

Get drunk

Party all night

Dye my hair

Sing in an Open stage show

Sneak into a Public pool

Shoplifting

You know...

Most of what you read makes zero sense, and you’re half-convinced this girl is just crazy. You stare at the scribbled letters, hoping to draw more meaning from them, but Nayeon shuts the little notebook in your face and starts putting it back away. 

"I want to do them all. Drinking, breaking glass bottles, partying, all that stuff," she explains dreamily. She zips up her bag and pats it down, making sure it’s secure beside her, and turns her attention back to you, “I want to live like a normal girl, you know what I mean?” she asks, you are not sure if its because of the tears, but her eyes seem to glitter.

"That's very cliche, Nana," you jab at her, making fun of the nickname she gave herself.

"That's all I know, though. Please." She takes your hand in between hers and looks up at you, teary-eyed and seemingly begging for her life.”This wouldn’t kill you, all I’m asking for is some help crossing stuff off of the list.”

You hate how well it works on you: her big, round eyes, her adorable little pout, her cute pleading voice. It goes against everything you know, and even now you’re sure you don’t want to get involved in whatever this would turn out to be. And yet, despite even the most deeply ingrained lessons you’ve learned for yourself, all it takes is a brief moment for it to come crashing down.

With a disbelieving sigh and a sense of regret creeping in, you ask: “What’s in it for me?”

~-~-~-~

You take a bite of your burger and breathe out. Cheap bun, dubious patty, artificial cheese, it all takes you back to a past life. You're left to momentarily wonder how you ended up where you are now, and slowly it comes back to you. You messed up.

"So, about the list." Nayeon sets down her cup, ice cubes clinking against each other as they swirl around her soda. "I already did one. So that’s one less thing for us to do”.

"I can do that much math, Nayeon. What do you take me for?" You chomp down on a few fries grumpily. 

"I didn't mean it like that. All I'm saying is there are just a few more months left until graduation, so we'll need to be quick. We can’t be lazy about this." She pulls out the little black notebook and flips to an unfamiliar page. The words "cheat on a test" has doodles of a devil's horns and wings and tail around it, with lots of eyes and ears decorating the rest of the ruled paper. Above it, the poster you recognize from the movie "Bad Genius" is copied, albeit crudely, in a thought bubble.

"I did this one last year, don't ask. Anyway, this next one should be easy enough." She flips to the next page, showing a couple pictures of beer cups and wine bottles, surrounding the words “Get Drunk.”

“Wait, is this the ‘incident’ people hate you for? What even happened there?” You eat more of your fries, trying to hide your curiosity. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work and she nips the conversation in the bud.

“That’s not anything you need to know. What matters is now and the future. Now are you with me or not?” She snaps the notebook closed and yanks it away from your sight, back into the pocket she keeps it in. 

“I can’t help if I don’t know what exactly your deal is,” you say disappointedly. You pick up your own drink and take a sip, and the cool soda washes over your tongue and throat on the way down. “You’re making this harder than it needs to be with everything that’s going on.”

For a moment, you catch Nayeon’s gaze on you, dumbfounded. You could almost hear the gears in her head turning as she tries to process your logic, but it takes a while. As she thinks, though, you take a particular interest in how she handles it: her mouth is hanging slightly ajar and her eyes are only half-focused on wherever they’re pointed. You notice how delicately her bangs fall on her forehead, how her eyebrows furrow and crease, how she tries finding the right words yet can’t find the message she wants to send. Odd things to notice, surely, and yet here you are. You messed up.

It starts coming back to you. The jeers from your classmates as you walk down the hall grow louder in your ears, and you fight against your hands trying to cover them with the knowledge that none of it is real anymore. The tears you fight back all the time surface for another rematch, but with your current state, you may be at a disadvantage. 

Fortunately, she shocks you back into reality. “Hey, are you listening? I’m feeding you, so the least you could do is pay attention.” She bites a small chunk of her burger and chews, and you notice how her cheeks puff slightly and the corner of her mouth is decorated with a dollop of mustard. 

Cute.

1 + 2. Get drunk + Party All Night

“God, this is stupid,” you think to yourself, exiting the convenience store. With a plastic bag in your right hand and your phone in your left hand, checking the time and the address Nayeon sent you earlier today. Finding it was easier than you expected, and you tried not to let the walk to her dorm set any expectations for you.

You bring your knuckles to the wooden door and make three quick raps. It swings open very quickly and you’re dragged into the cozy space without even the slightest chance to take off your shoes. 

“You took forever! Did you bring the stuff?” She looks all over you and pats you down, looking for what you brought her. 

“Get off, will you? I put them all in my bag like a normal person.” You swing your backpack off your shoulder and carefully place it onto a nearby table. Nayeon takes a seat and waits excitedly for what you brought for the two of you. From your bag, you produce three bottles of soju, three five-packs of Yakult, six cans of beer, and four bags of chips. She eyes each item with absolute interest as they leave your backpack, and she hardly contains herself once you finish and zip up your bag once more. 

“Okay, so how does this work?” Her eyes sparkle with wonder, and while waiting for your instructions, it was clear that as much as she was excited, she was also inexperienced.

“First off, get us some shot glasses and a pitcher. Oh, and a can opener.” Nayeon bolts off to the cooking area, and you can hear drawers opening and shutting loudly. You start getting concerned when you hear plates start to clatter against each other, but thankfully it dies down quickly and she returns with two small glasses, a decently sized pitcher, and a can opener. 

“Shit. I meant bottle. Bottle opener.” Without even a hint of annoyance, she rushes back off into the kitchen and, after a few more rummaging sounds, she returns with the correct item. She really must not know what she’s doing.

“Come on, show me!” She shoves the bottle opener into your hand, and you’re left with no choice. 

“Don’t you have a roommate we have to worry about?” You pop the cap off one of the soju bottles and then tear the aluminum top off two bottles of Yakult. “She’s out with her own friends. Hurry!” Despite her starting to get on your nerves, you pour all three into the pitcher and swirl them around together. Once you’re done, you pour the mixture into each of the glasses until they’re full. 

“Bottoms up, Nayeon.” 

“Bottoms up!”

The both of you down your drinks: yours slowly crawls down your throat, but hers disappears straight into her stomach. She reels at the burning lines left by the alcohol all over her esophagus and takes a bit of time to recover. 

“Whoa, that was,” she says, and a burp erupts from her mouth, “intense.” She sways a little bit to the left before righting herself, and then overcompensates to lean to the left again. 

“Easy there, champ. We’ve got two more bottles to go through.” You pour another shot for each of you, hers first and then yours, and raise your glass once more.

“Open the chips now,” you tell her. “This’ll be less dreadful with food.” 

Both of you down your shots at the same time, and Nayeon reels at the sensation once more. 

“Does that get easier?” Her speech is slowly starting to slur, the poor thing. “I’m kinda feeling a little something right now, too…”

“Yes, but only if you keep going at it, idiot. Don’t down everything so quickly.” Grab one of the bags of chips yourself, open and present it to Nayeon on the center of the table.

“Eat. You’ll hate this less.” You take a handful of chips and bring all of them into your mouth. Once you do, you raise your eyebrow at her to tell her to do the same.

“Isn’t… *hic* being hungry the thing for… faster drunk?” 

“Apparently so, Nayeon. I don’t even know what I expected from you.” You take another shot, alone this time. She tries to pour her own shot, but fails miserably at getting the liquid anywhere near the inside of her shot glass. It’s adorable how she tries, though.

You pour her another shot despite a small voice telling you maybe she isn’t cut out for this much in such a short time. You shove the voice aside in favor of Nayeon’s own words: “We pregame, drink a little, and then we go. Party starts at 7:30, so we leave here by 7 o’clock.” Her shot glass fills with the drink, and you place it in front of her, making sure at least to keep an eye out for what might happen next. 

She successfully picks up the glass and, sans the spills she made on the glass's way from the table to her mouth, drinks everything she could. She slams the glass onto the table in no light movement and you have a slight inkling of regret at letting her do that to herself. 

“You… We have to… Fuck.” Nayeon’s head droops and she catches her face with her hands. She may have underestimated how strong soju is, or maybe what being drunk actually does to a person. A groan emanates from behind her palms, and you notice she’s having trouble holding herself up. 

“Aren’t we going out after this? You might wanna slow down, idiot.” You pour yourself another shot and drink it leisurely. Nayeon tries leaning back onto the chair, and she finally pries her hands away from her eyes. She does a few quick blinks, and she tries to focus her sight on you. Her head sways a little bit, and it dawns on you that you may have overestimated her. 

“I’m okay… just… we have to go.” She tries to stand up, but she wobbles dangerously and you have to catch her. Dive under her and take on her weight, thankfully not too heavy, and keep her from hitting the floor. She mumbles a bit about something you can only kind of understand, but it's enough to guide your next decision.

“Forget it,” you grunt as you plop her back into her chair, “we're not going anywhere.” An exasperated sigh leaves your lungs, and you head off to the kitchen to return with a large bottle of cold water.

“No… we have to go. We'll be late.” Nayeon tries to get up again, but there's no strength left in her body. She sits motionlessly, probably thinking that she's already stood up, and it gives way to a confused look on her face as to why she's still in the same place.

You fill a proper-sized glass with water and hand it to her, which she drinks obediently. You fill her palm with potato chips which she also eats without objection. The way her jaw moves, clumsy and slow, signals a threat that she might just fall over any minute.

You move your chair to her side and sit there, allowing Nayeon to lean her head on you. Her hair covers her reddening face, and her hiccups arrive in growing force.

“If you're still in there, Nayeon,” you say quietly, “we're not going out. I can't look after you this closely at a party.” All she does to respond is nod. Her hiccups are punctuated intermittently with sniffles, which you take as a sign that she knows she has no power left to object. 

Still, you feel bad for her as her plans fall through. Despite the responsible thing to do, put her to bed and leave, you kick yourself mentally before deciding to stay anyway.

“Movies and snacks?”

~-~-~-~

Before you know it, the night goes by just as quick. You go through the list of movies she’d always wanted to watch: The Truman Show, The Great Gatsby, Mean Girls, and even then there’s still a few left on her list. You could tell she was watching properly halfway through the first, and that was the telltale sign that she’d sobered up. 

You drink a bit more with her in between movies, and she would frequently pause to get up and put on a song to dance to. “It keeps me awake,” she said, “I can’t fall asleep before the good part happens.” The songs she put on are generic pop and the kinds you skip whenever they come up, but you let it pass for tonight.

At some point, she pulls out an old Wii and challenges you to Mario Kart. “I am undefeated in this game. I’m not even that good, everyone else that challenged me just sucked.” You take her up on her offer, and the match begins. You try and almost get ahead of her in a few of the turns, but she would always take back her lead at the slightest opportunity of you hitting a wall or missing an item. And the way she glows with pride every single time she crosses the finish line before you do, the sudden brightness that fills her face when she wins race after race, the confidence it gives her that she isn’t actually the worst person in the world, all of it is a sight to behold. People may see Kwon Nayeon as an arrogant goody-two-shoes traitor, but the way you see her now is different: just someone with a past to outgrow. 

Right as the last movie’s credits start rolling, mischievous thin rays of dawn sunlight slip past the tiny gaps in the curtains. Both you and Nayeon have little energy left for anything else, and you maybe think it’s time to call it a night and go home.

“Let me walk you out,” she says while trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes for a little bit longer. You both get up and walk to the door, and as it opens your faces are flooded with a world right before it wakes. Dewdrops sit respectfully on leaves and blades of grass, birds are only starting to stretch their wings, and the crisp morning air fills your lungs with a calm grace. 

You turn back to Nayeon, who you find is still admiring the dawn, and grasp her elbow. “Sit with me.” 

You both squat down and take your seats again on her doorstep. Clouds roll in and dot the sky, wandering on the blank canvas of today, eagerly waiting for sunlight to block out. The sun peeks over the horizon and the first proper rays start to arrive, spreading warmth where they land. Nayeon meets your eyes one last time, and the pair of you find a sleepy and still a bit drunk person when you look at each other.

“Well,” you say as if it was a farewell, “good night, Nayeon. And good morning.”

“Good night,” she giggles back, “and good morning to you too.”

3. Sneak into a Public Pool

“Are you sure about this?” Nana’s tone is subdued by fear. Her voice shakes and struggles to be as quiet as possible, but at the same time you get the feeling that if you didn’t need to be quiet, she’d be yelling right now and trying to get the both of you to leave.

“Can you please shut up? I’m trying to focus!” You find the first of the pins and push it out of the way. For a moment, you lament how restricted you are: this could have been such a simple lock to break, replace even, but the girl dragging you around was deathly insistent on leaving as little damage and evidence as possible. 

“You shut up! I'm whispering here!” Anger rises in her voice, and you almost feel anger in yours too. You're able to stop it though, and you remind yourself that if ever a guard was on watch that actually cared about this place, they'd be easily outrun.

The lock presents more of a challenge than you thought; despite the agonizingly simple solution of snapping its shackle, its inner mechanisms are harder to crack for whatever reason. Taking it pin by pin is supposed to be an easy task, but the warm and humid air and the incessant nagging seem to debilitate you. It’s such a nice night out for a swim, why make this any harder than it needs to be?

After what seemed like eternity you finally manage to pick the lock, sighing in relief as the both of you head forward quietly, but cautiously looking side to side just in case. The metal-grate door swings open slowly, avoiding any creaking sounds it may make otherwise, and the both of you enter the pool area.

“I gotta say Nayeon, this went better than I thought it would,” you say, both of you looking at the rectangular box of water which unlike during the day, was completely still, no waves, no splashes, just the water. It glistened and reflected all manner of light: the pool lights above and below the water, the yellow street lamps far off on the sidewalk, and the moon overhead, singing tones of wonder and mystery to those touched by its borrowed glow.

Off to the side, you find Nayeon fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Her head whips round incessantly as she tries to keep a lookout of the surroundings rather poorly. Sigh a deep one, and finally go over and take your seat next to her. 

“Thanks… gimme a sec.” She finally grabs the hem decisively. The fabric crumples a bit under her grip and folds as it's pulled up.

You can’t help but watch as the shirt starts to leave her body, revealing a slim and toned tummy underneath. Your breath hitches as it crawls higher, reaching her face and obscuring her sight, and she inadvertently shows off a dark purple sports bra that’s… a size too small. Your gaze lingers on her cleavage and the flesh of her boobs lightly spilling out of the garment.

Nana turns around and you’re treated with the view of a beautiful back and shoulders to die for. The way her body twists and turns in the slightest ways to negotiate the shirt off of her form is the most sensual dance you’ve ever seen.

And you realize you’re staring. Fortunately for you, she doesn’t seem to notice, and she continues on to fold the shirt properly before setting it next to her sports bag. You opt not to risk staring any longer, and you decide to get rid of your own shirt. You strip quickly, and your shirt flies off approximately near Nayeon’s things in a messy pile by itself.

Sit on the edge of the pool, dip your feet into the water. There’s absolutely no reason for it to be this warm, you think, but whatever the case may be, it feels like a tea that’s just about to go cold. This, coupled with the humid air and quiet atmosphere, makes for a perfect night to spend on whatever this is with her. 

She joins you and takes her seat at the edge of the pool, and in every other situation, you’d ask her to back off a bit. Instead, as she lays her head on your shoulder and takes your hand in between hers, you lose your steel in the most important of times. 

“I’m scared.” Her eyes never leave the water, taking in the light dancing on its surface. Her face is fraught with worry, and while you know it’s for no good reason, you nevertheless try to reassure her.

“Yeah, someone might jump out of the bushes and arrest us for swimming in a swimming pool,” you say mockingly. “They’re gonna take us to court on the charges of ‘using something the way it was meant to be used’ and we’re gonna get life sentences. When we’re all old and wrinkly they’re gonna sit us in the electric chair.”

“Okay, I get your point. But still, though, I’m scared.” She grips your hand tighter, and for some reason you can’t resist her. Place your other hand over hers and try to calm her down. Nana takes a deep breath with her eyes closed, and finally looks at you with a reserved grin.

“Alright, I’m good. Let’s go.” 

You feel her hand on your back, and warmth spreads from her palm. Her smile grows just a bit wider and her eyes follow suit. Her teeth show themselves from between her lips, and you’re almost tempted to dive right in. 

Lucky for you, she helps. The hand on her back suddenly applies more pressure, pushing you to the pool and causing a splash going all directions. Collect your thoughts and raise your head above the water to see Nana, face full of laughter, right before she dives in the water with you.

It takes a second, but her head resurfaces and you find yourself relieved. She catches her breath once more, and before you know it, you're met with a faceful of chlorinated water. “What are you staring at?” She says between hearty laughs. 

Wipe the water from your face, find the humor. Laugh with her, and face her properly.

Another shade of Kwon Nayeon. Granted, it's one with no makeup and way less clothes than usual, but none of that takes away from her natural, elegant beauty. It's captivating, the way her figure glides around the water, the way the cool night air wisps around the pair of you, the way the moon throws its rays around the world, your world, so haphazardly. 

Another faceful of water, and you snap out of your daze. “Creepy ass,” she snorts happily. She splashes you again, and this time you fight back. 

“Race you around the pool.” You start paddling, and the water grows loud against your ears. She says something back to you and starts paddling herself to catch up.

“Yeah,” you think to yourself, “whatever this is with her.”

4. Sing in an Open Mic

“Another night, another goal,” you muse, sitting in your car with Nayeon in the passenger seat. It has become quite a routine that every time she wants to do something on her bucket list she asks you to pick her up. You don’t mind too much — she pays for gas after all. 

“Where do we go this time?” Nayeon just shoves her phone in your face, showing a map with directions to some bar out of town. She looks at you expectantly, but without any more information than what you’re currently getting, you’re at a loss for what she’s trying to make you see.

“A club.”

“Exactly.”

“We already did ‘get drunk.’”

“I know. This is different.”

“How so?”

“Take me here. Make me sing. Take me home.”

The pieces connect in her head and she pulls out the notebook again. She flips to a page you again haven’t seen, and when she shows it to you you’re treated to the sight of “Open Mic Stage” in graffiti-style letters and the poster of “Wedding Singer” scrawled in the bottom right corner of the page. 

“If you have the map, why not just do this yourself? You didn’t need to wait for me. If anything, I’d only laugh at how bad you might be.” You push away her phone and notebook, choosing to return your attention to the sidewalk instead. The boba tea place you keep hearing about is nearby. 

“That’s the thing,” Nayeon interjects again, “I have been there before. I listened to all the people singing, and they’re… some are good. I don’t know if I am, but I got shy at the last minute and I never even got near the stage.” She grabs your sleeve and your attention. “I need you to make me sing. Don’t let me chicken out.”

You shrug, “Sure, let's do it.”

~-~-~-~

Taking up two seats at the bar, you try and seem to fail at helping Nayeon calm down. Her guitar rests against the bartop beside her while she fans herself hurriedly with her hand. “It’s so nerve-racking… I knew this was a mistake,” she adds before turning back and trying to leave the place, however, you stop her in her tracks

“Come on, you worked so hard for this,” you say, recalling the number of recordings she sent you: one for each take she was doing. “You can do this,” you continue reassuring her, knowing she’s more ready than ever. At the same time, you could see your friend get more nervous by the second, now taking more sips of her water bottle.

“But what if I miss a chord, or I sing badly? Everyone will laugh at my mist–'' You know at this point she’ll only spiral to worse and worse thoughts, so you nip it in the bud and stop her right there. You take both her shoulders in your hands, making Nayeon stop her nervous rambling, and her cheeks turn a shade of pink.

“I believe in you, Nana. just take a deep breath.” You stop to let her do as you say, taking a deep breath in and slowly breathing it out. The tension leaves her with each breath she takes, and you find a moment to keep her stable. “Good, I am sitting right here, not leaving for any reason, so if you feel nervous, just find me. Look at me.” Her gaze softens at your promise, and her lips form a tiny smile in response to your words. 

Hearing the current open mic singer finishing up his song, you send her off with some final words. “Your turn now, Nana. Break a fucking leg.” You leave her shoulders as her smile slowly starts to grow.

You watch her heading toward the stage, taking her guitar out of the cover, and taking her seat on the chair in front of the mic. “Hey,” she starts, “I am Nayeon… and I’m gonna sing Spring Day by BTS… I, uhh, hope you enjoy.”

She takes one last deep breath as you find her gaze on you. You return a reassuring smile, and Nayeon’s eyes fly back to her guitar. She strums her first chord, and the crowd’s welcoming applause rises.

“I’m missing you, when I say that I miss you more, I’m missing you…” Nayeon’s fingers strum the strings delicately, and it enchants you how graceful and in control she is of her instrument. The wood and metal of her guitar work together under her guidance to produce a beautiful sound, one you feel deep inside you'd never have heard the beauty of if not here, not now.

The way her lips move to articulate her words is heavenly, like she has you under a benevolent spell to bring you a rare sort of peace. It captivates you how she carries herself; behind her tough outer shell is a scared and confused layer, which hides a soft and optimistic core and wants to chase a brighter, happier future by cherishing the present. You marvel at your luck, that you were permitted to see so much of her, and how openly she welcomed you in when all she knew was aloneness and to shut people out. 

“Snowflakes falling from the sky, are drifting further by and by…” Her heavenly voice draws you in, and it commands your attention like it speaks directly to your soul. The sound of Nayeon tugs on your heartstrings, pulling you closer to its source, and you let yourself get whisked away.

And to its source you look; find a girl with courage like you’d never seen. See Kwon Nayeon in a different light than the harsh monotones of the classroom fluorescents, but in a spotlight that she takes up with everything in her soul. It’s a different shade of her: a shade of Nayeon that only you could comprehend, a part of her that only you had the privilege to understand.

“I breathe you out there somewhere, like smoke in the air…” The space grows warmer, like a hearth welcoming you home. Your surroundings quiet down as Nayeon pulls them deeper and deeper with her subconscious command: rest, lay down your worries and fly for the moment towards your peace. You look around, and every fellow face in the crowd you see has their eyes fixed on Nayeon’s performance; they’d never know it, but it’s the debut of a person coming into a whole new life free of regret and cowardice. It’s Nayeon building herself up from the rubble of a past that she aims to forget. 

“Flowers blooming towards the sky, has winter finally passed by?” The noise of the world seems to die down, as if just you and Nayeon are the only two things in existence. The pace of her strumming slows, as do the lyrics that escape her mouth. Every note she produces is deliberate, gentle, comforting, and for once you feel like you’re able to imagine a brighter tomorrow like her. 

With her. 

The song draws to a close, and she looks all over the crowd as they start to clap. You can't help but join in. Nayeon just bows lightly, and you can feel how happy she is that everything went well in her song. As she steps off the stage, you leave your spot and head toward her.

With both of you only a couple of steps apart, you chuckle lightly, “Well it wasn't so bad was—” You were stopped, caught off guard by your friend, dashing to you with open arms and crashing into your chest, wrapping her arms around you, and pulling you into an embrace. 

No words are spoken; both of you just stand there, hugging each other, her face nuzzling your chest as you could faintly feel her heartbeat. You were quite surprised with Nayeon being so open with you, since it was just a short time ago you made your promise to help. 

“Thank you…” she says, now releasing you from her embrace, noticing how her eyes shed small tears, that you couldn't figure out if they are tears of sadness, or happiness.

“... Always here for you Nayeon.”

“Please… call me Nana,” she says. She takes her notebook and crosses off another line from her bucket list, and as she walks toward the exit, you make way for the people coming by to greet her for the performance.

You can't help but wonder… has something changed after that performance?

5. Shoplifting

“Pick something already, it's not that hard,'' you remark impatiently while tapping your feet. Both of you are staring at the snack section of the local convenience store near your college, and Nana hovers her hand over the selection of snacks to look for the perfect one.

“Stop rushing me, I'm trying to choose which one will not get me caught,” she replies, still focused. The veteran petty thief in you groans, recalling your highschool days where nicking a cigarette or two (or ten) every once in a while gave you back huge chunks of your monthly budget. You miss the simplicity of it, and you once again find the restriction of being so careful more annoying than anything else. How come for Nayeon it is such a big struggle to steal one snack? You shoot the question up to whichever god might be listening, and you even half-expect an answer back. 

“You are thinking about it too much, the cashier is probably not gonna notice even if you stole something that made noise,” you add, tapping your foot rapidly, like you were some parent spending too long in the toy section.

“Well, please forgive me, oh thug master, it’s my fault that I never did that shit before!” Her whispers are loud enough for you to hear clearly, your less-than-welcoming attitude leading her to take a deep sigh.

“Fine, if you want to make it easier, do the buy one steal one method,” you explain. 

“The what?”

“Well to make it simpler than it already is, you dolt, you take two things, one you buy normally, and the other one you don't pay for,” you added as it seems to all make sense in Nayeon’s head. “Defeats the fucking purpose why we’re here, but really, the longer we spend here to leave with just four things, the more anyone will suspect us.”

Despite your best efforts to hurry her, they all seem to only make her take even longer. Her brow furrows deeper, as if trying to form lasers in her eyes to burn holes through the plastic wrappers. 

Your patience wears thinner by the moment, and you resolve to isolate before you lose it completely. “So if you’ll excuse me, I will get my shit and meet you outside,” you say, leaving her alone in the aisle.

As a promise to yourself not to shoplift anymore, you decide to buy just one pack of cigarettes. You light one of them as you lean against one of the store’s walls, watching the sun start to set. Find yourself sitting down, admiring the beauty of a day near its end, taking in the world around you.

Two cigarettes and fifteen minutes later, a small ding sounds from somewhere in the front of the store. It’s Nayeon, half-running out of the building, her face painted with worry as she finds and walks towards you.

“So, you did it?” A smile forms on Nayeon’s face as she takes her right hand to her jean’s pocket, revealing a small candy bar. She brandishes the candy around like a magic wand, as if trying to charm you into being proud of her. 

“Well… it's something,” you nod, while the two of you start towards her dormitory.

“Oh don’t say ‘it’s something’ when you didn't steal anything,” she exclaims. She holds the candy bar up against the setting sun, examining its entire wrapper. Now that you’re a considerable distance from the store, the worry on her face has been replaced completely by pride and excitement.

“Well I don’t shoplift anymore, the only reason I'm letting you do it is because you wanted the experience, which by the way,” you scoff, plucking the snack out of her hands, “all of that was for a chocolate bar.” This earns you a pretty strong punch on the shoulder, and the force loosens your grip on the snack enough for Nayeon to steal it back.

“Shut up,” she says, her cheeks seeming to grow a small shade of pink. She walks faster, leaving you no choice but to speed up as well.

6. Dye my Hair

“Do you think blonde hair will suit me?” Nana asks, holding the color card next to her face. You come in for a closer look, but as you stare you stop and wonder why you even did so in the first place. 

“Yeah… uhh yeah, I think it can suit you well.” You weren't an expert in hair styles and colors, so honestly unless it was a color that was actually hideous, everything was fair game.

Nana smiles at your response and picks out a box of blonde hair dye to add to her basket. You’re a bit nervous that she wants to dye it at home with you, but any attempts you made to convince her to see an actual stylist have been dismissed. “It’s easy,” she said, “there’s instructions on the box.”

“So, how was it?” You’re half-convinced that the bleach is eating through your rubber gloves, but you soldier on.

“Was what?” Nayeon checks herself out in the mini-vanity mirror in front of her. You have to swat her hands away from her head with your elbows, but apart from that she stays on her best behavior.

“You know,” you shrug, “this whole thing. The stealing, the swimming, the dyeing your hair.” You try to keep the bleach from dripping onto your arms, mostly aiming for the scattered sheets of newspaper the two of you prepared on the floor, but there’s only so much you can do. You just resolve to wash off any drops as quickly as possible. 

You get the feeling that she hoped you wouldn’t notice, but you did. The smile on her face dimmed the slightest it could before she could fix it. “It was… great! Stuff I’ll remember for the rest of my life, for sure.” 

Like some form of cosmic karma, she spots your involuntary grin in the mirror. “Good. That’s good.”

The color drains from her hair bit by bit as you apply the bleach carefully. You’re not sure how quickly you have to finish, but Nana seems not to mind. You gently stroke and rub the product through her hair, taking special care not to come into contact with her scalp too often, all the while she turns her head from side to side to admire the look she’s going to have soon. 

“You know…” she says suddenly, avoiding your eyes in the mirror, “this was really fun. I’m so happy I got to do all that stuff on my list.” Her smile changes: what was once a cheerful and optimistic smile just a few moments ago is now a wizened and melancholic one. “I mean it. Thank you for helping me.” 

She makes eye contact with you again in the mirror, and she flashes that smile to you once more. Her hair grows lighter with each passing second, and as her back relaxes and straightens, it seems that the weight of the world leaves her shoulders as well. She breathes more easily now, and despite the fumes the box says you should do your best not to inhale, you breathe easier too.

~-~-~-~ 

You’re sat back again on her sofa, and Nana tries her best not to mess with her hair that’s still soaking. She looks kind of silly, what with her old towel around her shoulders faded to near oblivion, her hair in sections making her look like a half-done scarecrow, her hands going up halfway to her head only to be forced back down by the other. 

And yet, you admire another shade of Nayeon. This time, it’s a girl who’s scared of the future, of changes she might regret later on. It’s something deep in her character, even central maybe, to be afraid of things she can’t take back. Even then, she takes her leaps and bounds to try and outrun her past, and finally, you see the razor edge that keeps everything in balance: Nayeon’s fear which dictates her present, and Nana’s strength which leads her to her future. 

“Hey,” you say abruptly, surprising even yourself, “you good?” 

“I think so. My head’s itchy. Is that supposed to happen? Should we wash it off?”

“No, jackass, it’ll look even worse if you quit halfway.” 

Your words set in and she realizes you’re right. Worry seeps into her face and you notice tears start to well up in her eyes.

“Look, this might not be comfy right now, but I promise it’ll be worth it later on.”

“Really? You promise it’ll look good?” She looks over to you with pleading, shiny eyes, and it almost hurts to tell her no.

“I said I promise it’ll be worth it. Not that it’ll look good.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

You chuckle at the sudden rise in her voice. After all this time, she’s still Nayeon, still Nana. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“It means… if you stick with it, there’s no way you’ll regret what we just did.”

7. You know…

The end of your senior year of college rolls around, and the graduation ceremony is still fresh in everyone’s minds. Photos of friends together and square caps thrown into the air decorate your social media feeds for a good few days, and you can’t deny the whole thing was something you wouldn’t forget for the rest of your life.

And finally, Nana’s bucket list has been finished. To think that all of it was done in the span of a college year is quite impressive to say the least, as before you started she was lost in her own goals and left sitting for a good three years. Now, looking at your diploma, it was not only a sign of your successful studies at college, for you it was also the sign of helping your dear friend get to where she wanted to be. 

Speaking of the devil, now sending you a message

On the way, you see various people from her dorm building heaving away bags and suitcases, undoubtedly taking advantage of the nice weather to move out. You see people hugging each other, taking selfies, exchanging numbers, and all the while you think of each of them with their own stories to tell when they get home, but none so interesting as the one you and Nana built together. 

The walk up the stairs was more of the same, people saying goodbye, and you can’t help but feel a bit of nostalgia. It was by no means a short year, but for everything you did, the feeling of wanting just a bit more time never seems to leave you. You recall the first time you saw her, that quiet girl in the front of the auditorium with four seats of clearance around her, and how you slowly watched her grow into the fine and confident woman she is now. Part of you is unbelievably proud of what she’s achieved, but another part of you knows it’s all her doing and you were only along for the ride. 

You reach Nana’s room just as her roommate was leaving, and you exchange pleasantries with her before she goes off. “Hey, just so you know, Nayeon’s a really nice girl,” she says in whispers to you, “I’m glad she found you before she left.” She pats you on the back before going off to the stairs herself. Something deep inside you glows in agreement, and you think to yourself how lucky you were to be able to meet and spend time with a person like her.

“Hey, come in!” Nana pushes you into her now half-empty room. “Yuri just left, so we have the place all to ourselves!” You take a seat on her easy chair while she plops herself down onto her bed. The half that still has stuff in it is simple and unassuming, and the realization dawns on you that this is the first time you’ve been in Nana’s room. Despite this, the space is warm and cozy, like it was filled with a good sort of energy for a long time. 

“Cheers” you both say at the same time, each with a can of beer that you both drink fairly quickly. You recall the first time of her drinking with you, how easily she felt her stomach hurting but this time she quickly shrugs off the bitter taste.

“You know,” Nana says, her eyes shining and her smile flashing itself directly at you, “I am really happy that you helped me with the bucket list, I couldn't do it without you.”

You simply laugh casually and say “Come on Nana, all you needed was confidence.”

“And who do you think gave me that confidence? I really mean it…thank you,” she says, and you can't help but smile at her back.

“Let me get some snacks, okay? Don’t move a muscle.” As she stands and heads toward the kitchen, you go to check up your phone to see what the time is. However, just as you are about to go into your Instagram, you notice something on the table: a little black notebook that’s only all too familiar. 

When you think about it, She has never shown you the actual list besides that one time when you two first talked. “A peek won't hurt right?” you say, the alcohol definitely makes the choice for you. Your sober self would never invade someone's privacy, especially not some as close as Nana’s, but regardless, you open it and…

You flip through the pages, and the notebook reveals so much more. The few pages you’ve been shown were just decorated pages, and each mission was a chapter, filled with dozens of writings, pictures, scribbles, each for its own topic. You find yourself smiling, muttering quietly to yourself: “You really worked hard on it… didn't you?” 

Your attention is snatched to Nana across the room, looking at you with cheeks fully red. You can't help but curse quietly, and you try to come up with something of an apology. However before you can finish your first word she says…

“Hey, come on, put that down!” Nana rushes toward you, nearly tossing the snacks off to some random part of the room, and snatches away the little black notebook from your hands. She hugs it close to her chest as she turns away, and she looks over her shoulder to peek if you might still be thinking about snatching the notebook back.

Instead, you raise your hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. Sorry. But what's there to hide? Aren't we done?” You take another sip of your drink before picking up one of the snacks. You open the bag of chips and place it on the table for the both of you. 

“Well… I had one other thing. I gave up on it a long time ago, just never ripped out the page.” Nana turns back toward you and fiddles with a leaf of the notebook. Her steps are careful when she gets nearer to you, as if cautious to scare you away. 

“What?!” You bolt to your feet in surprise, your drunkenness taking a backseat at the sudden exposition. “Shit, we gotta go now! What is it?”

“Calm down,” Nana mutters, her feet rubbing against the carpet, “it isn't something we can do anywhere else anyway. Or, I mean, it’s done? I don’t know…”

Your nerves are still flaring, but you get the feeling that whatever it is, there's nowhere else but where you are now that Nana could do the last bucket list thing. Your gaze steadies on her, and she looks like she wouldn't budge for the world. Her eyes never leave the floor, her hands stay guarded on the notebook, and for some reason, she's also able to keep you just where you are. 

“So… what is it, then?” 

“Promise me you won't get mad?”

“... Promise.”

Once she hears you say it, her eyes shut tight. As if gathering courage, she takes a deep breath before taking deliberate steps to where you're standing. You never see it coming, but the next thing you know, Nana's soft lips are on yours, her delicate fingers keep you steady in place, and her vanilla scent fills your nose and overwhelms your senses that you can't think of anything at all but her.

It takes only half a second, but you melt into the kiss yourself. Your eyes flutter closed and start to forget the world around you in favor of the girl who stayed by your side. The space between the two of you grows smaller, your hands make their way to her waist, and you let your selfishness take over and keep her for yourself as well. 

The kiss breaks just as you hold her, and both your eyes shoot open to find hers just as wide as yours. 

“I-I, umm… I’m sorry, it was too sudden, and uhh…” It wasn't too hard to see how much she was stuttering, and if you weren't so surprised yourself you would've also joined her like the blushing mess she is right now.

The alcohol was starting to hit you again, and your better judgment slowly left you as you took her lips once more. You have no time to be surprised at how willing she is, and you resolve to just enjoy the kiss with her. You lead her to the edge of the bed and sit her down; and the first chance she gets, she lies back onto the mattress and pulls you with her. 

“If you really wanna know…” She flips to the last page of the notebook and shows you. It’s a simple picture, just two stick figures in a heart, holding hands. You don’t recognize the poster, but the quote is unmistakable: “You should be kissed, and often, by someone who knows how.”

“I’m glad we got to spend all this time together, and I know I keep thanking you, but I really am so happy…” Nana pulls you back in, and with your own sweet defiance, you trace kisses across her cheek and onto her neck. The whimpers that escape her are adorable, but at the same time they also confirm thoughts you’ve only ever tried to suppress: she likes you too. 

You go lower and lower, tracing kisses from her neck to nibbling her collarbone, and you settle right before you reach her chest. Her breath hitches when she figures out what you want to do, but ultimately her fingers rake comfortingly through your hair.

“So tonight… let me show you… let me thank you… properly.” Her eyes may look pure when she says those words, but with how you are inches away from her lips, with how you have been kissing her now, it's anything but.

She slowly pulls off her jacket, her eyes never leaving you. The fabric slides off of her arms, revealing the smooth skin of her slender arms. The next to go is her tank top; her fingers grip the hem lightly, tugging slowly upwards, showing you her toned tummy and milky skin. The hem rises higher and higher, until she stops right under her chest. 

“Are you sure?” Your question is breathless, not in the slightest bit annoyed, but your tone full of concern reaches her. “You don’t have to do this for me.”

“I know,” she says, the sound of her voice betraying a dry throat, “I love you.” She pulls the rest of her top off, and her boobs bounce freely in front of you. Nana takes your hands and places them on each, and asks you playfully, “Come on, you think I never caught you staring?”

She pulls you back in for a kiss, a proper one this time, the kind that quenches your thirst for her. She tries her best to wrap her tongue around yours, all the while you take your fill of her soft tits. Pinch and tweak her nipples, feel them stiffen as her tiny whimpers grow into careless moans. You never let up, delivering constant pleasure to her chest, and your surprise when you feel her palming your growing bulge is quickly replaced with anticipation. 

Her hand slips under your waistband and her moan fills your mouth when she feels how hot and hard your cock is for her. She wraps her fingers around your shaft and gives long, slow strokes, nothing that would make you cum on the spot, but just about enough to make you leak precum onto her palm. She relishes the feeling of your arousal on her skin, and as she picks up her pace, seemingly trying to entice you to do more, you’re left with no choice but to give her exactly what she wants. 

You work on unzipping your jeans and taking them off, and with Nana’s help, it feels like the second easiest job in the world. They fall to your ankles and you kick them away, and all of a sudden your cock rests on the skin of her luscious thigh. The heat and the precum that leaks onto her flesh surprises her, but her senses come back to her and she asks for a time out. 

“Gimme a sec, I have to breathe,” she gasps unsteadily. You get off her, wondering what you might have done wrong. Her breathing is ragged and she seems to not be able to focus on much else, but a reassuring look in her eyes lets you know she’s alright. 

“I just– I needed to see it.” Her gaze falls on your cock, and once she reaches and wraps her fingers around your shaft again, it throbs in her hand. A groan of pleasure escapes you, and she figures out that she’s doing something right. Her pumps start slow, gradually building up speed, all the while she brings her face closer and closer, and you don’t even notice it, but finally her lips meet the tip of your dick. Nana rubs your precum all over her lips like lipstick, and she takes your head in her mouth. 

Small groans come from your mouth feeling her soft lips, you enjoy much more than you thought, especially knowing how inexperienced you thought she was. Your hands meanwhile grab a part of hair, pulling it lightly, causing Nana to moan into your cock.

“Don't get mad if I do this wrong–” she says, her eyes fraught with worry. Despite this, she makes careful moves to give you the best possible experience. She seals her lips around your head, and she gives slow but deep sucks as she tries her hardest. 

“You’re– nngh– doing great,” you moan, the pleasure overtaking you. The eye contact you two share is enchanting; she’s undoubtedly a very pretty girl, and despite the amateur blowjob, she more than makes up for it with her enthusiasm. Her head bobs slightly, trying to take more of your length in, but her worry of choking keeps her from giving any more. 

On the other hand, she has no idea of the effect she has on you, and the sight of the gorgeous woman’s plump lips on your cock coupled with her eager attempts at making you feel good nearly sends you over the edge early. In an effort to stave off your orgasm for even just a little while longer, you regrettably pull her off of you. 

“What– what’s wrong? Wasn’t it good?” Again her words are coated with worry of disappointing you, but the way you look tenderly to her reassures her. 

“You are perfect, Nana,” you whisper into her ear. You lay her back onto the bed gently, and you let show your eagerness to please her too. You venture down until you’re level with her crotch, and you work slowly to peel off her thin shorts. As they leave her legs, you’re presented with a pastel blue pair of panties, though you can’t help but notice the growing wet spot right in the center and the scent of her arousal seeping through. It must be uncomfy, you think, and you strip it off of her as well. 

The garment leaves her and you look to Nana for approval: her finger between her teeth and her face red as a tomato, she looks at you with a loving gaze. Only then do you realize that Nana is now fully naked, everything bare for you and you alone, and the way her thighs rub together needily sends the message you’ve been dying to get. 

Part her legs, meeting little resistance as you do. Travel up from her knees to her thighs, planting kisses and light nibbles on the soft flesh of her legs. Hearing how she whimpers beneath your lips: “That feels really good… I want more…” 

Your lips finally meet her pussy, and the initial contact draws out a sultry moan from her. Each swipe of your tongue on her cunt causes more and more of her love juices to leak out, sending waves of ecstasy up her spine. She tries locking your head in place as she runs her fingers through your hair, all the while she grinds her crotch on your face as she chases her pleasure. 

“Yes, yes, yes! Fuck, you feel so good! I love you~!” Nana humps your face more and more roughly, and you take it as a sign that she’s close. Good thing as well, as you’re running out of air, but on the other hand you feel as though this wouldn't be the worst way to go. You run your tongue over her soaked pussy, taking slow, deep licks. 

She’s inching closer to her orgasm, her hips are bucking onto your mouth, your tongue meets her clit, she squeezes your head between her thighs, your lips seal around her swollen nub, she grabs your hair and pulls hard, and with a scream ripping through her throat, Nana squirts her love juices straight into your waiting mouth as you drink her essence up. Her scream turns into a drawn-out moan as she continues to grind on your face, making sure to pleasure herself enough to give you everything you’ve been working so hard for, and you lap every single drop of it up like it was the sweetest thing you’ve ever tasted. 

She releases her grip on your hair and head, and as she relaxes onto the bed her arms fall to the sides and her legs spread open. She lazily brings a hand to her pussy and rubs it, showing you just how good you made her feel, and she smiles up at you. 

“That was fucking amazing.” It couldn’t have sounded any sweeter, and the fact that it came from Nana, lying on her bed wearing nothing but a smile that you gave her, fills you with a sort of pride that you doubt you’d ever get again anywhere else in your life. But as she starts to get up, and she places her lips on yours, you feel another weight lifted off your chest. It’s another shade of her, one that shows you how she is when she’s content. It’s her way of telling you that among the hundreds of firsts she’s had in her life, she’s grateful that you were this one too. And as you kiss back, your hands finding their way to her hips, you connect with her again on a level that you never put into words before. “I love you too, Nana.”

Upon hearing, her kiss deepens and her tongue works harder to play with yours. She leans on you more, until finally you let yourself fall backwards, and Nana is right there, straddling you, with an innocent yet horny look in her eyes again.

“Your turn. Relax, okay?” She caresses your cheek, and suddenly you’re made conscious of how bad you’re probably blushing right now. Despite this, her smile never leaves her face as she continues to reassure you. She giggles at whatever expression it is that you’re showing her, and she gets to work. 

Nana reaches to her bedside table and opens a drawer, and from it she produces a peculiar box. “Remember when I ‘stole’ that candy bar?” She tears off the sticker on the edge of the box to open it, pulls out a little plastic square pouch, and tears it open with her teeth. “I… bought… the candy bar. This was what I stole.” She tugs on the contents of the pouch, and reveals a condom. 

“What the–” you start, but you soon stop in favor of moans caused by Nana’s handjob. “Don’t ever belittle me like that again, okay?” Her smile is again just as sweet and innocent as the first time you saw it, but now is completely different. It never leaves her face as she pulls the rubber over your cock, but not before giving it a few more cursory licks.

“Ready?” she asks, and you nod furiously. Finally, she aims the tip of your cock at her entrance and slowly sinks down onto you. “Oh, fuck, it’s so big,” she gasps. She takes her time taking in your length, feeling every vein against her pussy walls as you enter her tight pussy. She sucks air in through her teeth, her eyes shut tight, her fingernails leaving imprints on your chest as more and more of you slides into her unbelievably tight cunt. As she does, you feel her wet velvet walls rub your cock inside her, her slick spreading all over you and coating you with a warm you can’t describe. After what seemed like an eternity of bliss, she finally hilts, having taken everything inside her, and she sits on your crotch without moving, still trying to get used to the feeling of her pussy being so full. 

“You good?” you ask, genuinely concerned if she’s okay or not. Place a hand on her waist, pat to comfort her. Her eyes open slowly, almost releasing a tear, and panic rises in your chest. 

“Shit, shit, I’m sorry, do you need to get off? I–” you start, but she shuts you up with another kiss. It’s slow and gentle as it starts, just simple pecks, as she reassures you once again that she’s alright. Once she pulls away, she flashes you another smile, and you swear she gets more and more beautiful with each and every one. 

“I’m okay. Are you okay?” She traces circles on your cheek and neck, and all you could do is nod. She comes back in for another kiss, and this time it’s much deeper. She opens her mouth to moan, and you jump at the opportunity to swipe at her tongue too. She loves it, and once she’s comfy enough, she starts to hump against you as well.

“It’s really really good. Do you feel good?” Her question snaps you out of your daze, but you only nod as you fight off cumming too early. Not long after that, you note she’s had her fill as she pulls away from you. Her posture straightens and she sits on you properly again, this time determined to return the favor and blow your mind. She takes in a deep breath, braces herself, and lifts herself up carefully. Your breath hitches, watching her naked figure on top of you, and you admire the way her sweat collects in drops before they slide down between her breasts. She notices you staring again, and she brings your hands up to her chest, moaning at the first moment of contact. Your instincts overtake you; you push yourself off the bed to her boobs and start to suck. Your lips seal around her nipples and she runs her fingers through your hair as she tries to push you deeper into her delicious breast. 

“Shit, don’t stop,” Nana pleads, and you continue kneading the flesh of her boobs more, sucking when and where you can. At that moment, she forces herself back down onto your dick, taking in everything again all at once. Her walls part suddenly, and once she settles her warm pussy walls squeeze your cock as tight as she can. She begins bouncing, her moans never stopping, and you find a rhythm: each time Nana brings herself down, you thrust up to meet her halfway. The first time you do, you reach a depth to her that neither of you thought was possible, and the heat from her sex with her slick drive the pair of you insane with pleasure. 

She keeps bouncing on your cock as her lewd moans gradually grow louder and louder with each of your thrusts into her needy core. Her eyes roll to the back of her head, her pussy tightens again, and just as you deliver a perfectly-timed bite to her nipple, another scream rakes out of her throat as her second orgasm overtakes her. Her pussy convulses as her hips buck again and again on your cock, her thighs and tits jiggle seductively, and her tightness reaches new heights as if she wants to keep your cock inside her forever. Despite this, you never stop thrusting her, never stop making love to her, and you cover her chest in kisses while you lick up all her sweat. 

You never give her a chance to catch her breath, and soon enough, an unknowable number of seconds or minutes past, you feel your own orgasm coming. You take one last look at her godly figure and divine visuals, and you finally succumb.

Hold her close, hold her tight. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want you getting away, so you only return the desire. Keep thrusting into her, forget about how she’s losing her mind. She’s gone, lost in her own pleasure, and there’s no point in bringing her back yourself. Instead, follow her. Send yourself over the edge and join her in her ecstasy.

You momentarily lose your flow of consciousness as flashes of white fill your eyes, but you’re snapped back to reality with Nana pulling at your hair. Only then do you realize; you’re actually cumming inside her. With each spurt, you thrust into her as your cock twitches against her slick walls. The cumulative heat from your cum sends just the right signals to Nana’s body, and it sends back the equivalent of screams of desperation at the illusion of breeding. Your pumps are harsh and careless – thank the stars you’re wearing a condom – but Nana is too far lost to care past the unholy pleasure you deliver to her. 

“Fuck, fuck! Aaaahhh!!!!” You feel her tighter, as if clamping down on your cock, her cunt pulsating and the connection between the two of you growing wetter, slicker. Despite this, you never let up, hell-bent on giving her everything you have. One spurt turns into two, then four, then six. It didn’t matter, none of it did. It could have been the end of the world and you wouldn’t have minded. All that was important was the girl sitting on your lap, losing her mind.

As both of your orgasms die down, the pair of you fall to the mattress. You stare at each other, wide-eyed and out of breath, and all you can do is smile and giggle at each other. As each of you catch your breath, the world quiets down, and all that’s left in existence is just you and Nana. 

“Wow,” she sighs, “nice.” Her smile grows wide again, and her hand once more finds your cheek to caress.

“Yeah, nice.” You laugh back at her, the adrenaline fading quickly. “Does that check the thing off your list?”

“Oh, yeah!” Nana jolts up and off the bed, or at least attempts to. Instead, she falls back next to you, and only then do you realize the fatigue rendering your bodies useless. 

“So… we good?” There’s nowhere else to look but right to her. Nana’s beautiful, round, just a bit teary eyes gaze back at you with adoration and love, something you never thought you’d have for yourself in this magnitude. And yet, here you are, and here she is, as if nothing else mattered. 

“Shit. That was crazy. Anyway, yeah. Thanks.” With her last ounce of strength, she comes in for one more kiss. She collapses in your arms, cuddled right up to your chest, and you can imagine she could hear how loud your heart was thumping, just like hers. 

Catch her snoring an adorable snore, wrap her in an embrace that would protect her from the worst the world could throw at her. A small thought in your head says you want to keep her safe forever like this, but you know better: she’s a strong woman who can take care of herself. Think back to how lucky you are, and how you walked this journey with her. Recall how she was just a fearful nobody when you first met, remember how you watched her grow into the amazing person she is now. 

Your eyelids grow heavy, and you realize your waking seconds left are numbered. Right before you drift off to sleep yourself, you hear her, in the tiniest voice ever, mumbling her confession: “Stay with me.”

“Go to sleep, Nana.” You smile and turn your head toward hers, arms wrapped around her waist. 

“Not without a promise.” Her own eyes are half-lidded, and you can tell she’s fighting back her drowsiness as hard as she can. She tries blinking the sleep away, but it only works marginally.

You could say anything to her at all right now, anything in the world, but there’s really only two things that need to be put into words. Your mind rushes at a snail’s pace, and you reach for faraway ideas when the right one is just in front of you. In your mind only one question appears: “So is this like…a one time thing?” 

In response Nana just leans in and kisses your cheek, then giggles. “Would me saying ‘I love you’ outside of sex prove it?” she asks playfully, her tone betraying her desire for rest.

“Touché.” One hand goes to her soft blonde hair, brushing it to the side. “But in my defence, suddenly kissing me and then getting me naked was not the first thing I expected when you said there was ‘one last thing’ in your bucket list,” you state matter-of-factly.

You share a bout of tired laughter for a moment, and then you both look at each other with pure eyes, as if you two compete to see who can make the other blush first. Decidedly, Nana loses while she confesses. “I used to think that college was supposed to be all rose-colored, that it was to be the peak of my life. But spending it with you, I learned that it doesn’t have to be all grand milestones to live through.” The air in the room swirls differently, replacing stale breaths with new ones from the open window. 

“That time you cheered me on during the open mic, how you looked at me… It made me realise that after everything’s said and done, I wanted peace. And I can feel peace with you, without all the guilt of past mistakes, nor ghosts of regret that would’ve haunted me for the rest of my life,” she says, now leaning toward your ear muttering, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you whisper back, smiling from ear to ear. Eventually you both released the hug. Look around her room for your clothes, which was surprisingly hard for how your sex wasn't too feral, and in turns take showers to clean yourselves up.

As you get out of the shower, fully cleaned and with some good-enough-for-sleep clothes, you find Nana on her bed fully knocked out. You simply laugh and join her, and her instinct leads her to wrap her arms around your waist while her head leans into your chest.

“Goodnight, Nana,” you whisper with finality, as if ending the night on a perfect note. Peck her forehead and close your own eyes, and fall into slumber just as deep as hers.

Bucket List Completed

“Argh, I’m so excited!” She grips you by your collar and shakes you as she screams, jolting away any sleep you wished to get. 

Two months have come and gone, and while you know it hasn’t been long, things have changed so much. Despite you trying to get just a bit more sleep in the backseat of the taxi, Nana right next to you can’t stop bouncing in hers as the sights outside the window pass her by.

“Okay, okay. Just get all this energy out before we get on the plane, please?”

She returns her attention to the window just as the taxi slows to a halt. Your new girlfriend practically throws open the door and leaps out, heading straight for the trunk to retrieve your luggage. 

“Hurry up! We might miss our flight!” She struggles lifting her comically large suitcase before you hear it hits the concrete pavement followed by its handle extending with its clack-clack-clack. 

“Hawaii isn’t going anywhere, Nana, please,” you mutter as you lazily exit the cab. You hand the driver your fare, and he reaches out to accept. As he does, he gives you a knowing smirk and tips his hat to you, as if saying “good luck.”

Turning around, you find Nana with all of your luggage too, eagerly awaiting your arm for her to cling to before you make your way inside. The hustle and bustle of Incheon International Airport fills her with a deep sense of excitement, and honestly, who could blame her? Your girlfriend is in the midst of all these other people — travelers, tourists, adventurers — and she fits right in. It’s the most natural thing for her now, to find herself in new situations that broaden her horizons and make her feel alive. 

She yanks you to her side in line for the desk, holding her brand-new polaroid camera at a high angle. “Cheese!” she screams, not far enough from your ear, but with how happy she is, you can’t help but smile her smile too. “Our first overseas trip! This is the first time I’m leaving Seoul, let alone Korea!” 

“Okay, Nana, calm down,” you chuckle, but you know she won’t. Divert her attention instead, put her energy to good use. “Do you have your passport? Carry on? Pink notebook?”

Though you both are sure she hasn’t missed anything, Nana rummages through her bag again anyway. “Check, check, and check! How could I forget?” She takes each item to show to you, and she flips through the pink notebook once it’s in her hand.

One thing about Nana, she never lets the moment escape her anymore. Once she sets out to do something, she’ll do everything in her power to accomplish that goal. This is no different, and you love her so much for it.

After looking through the notebook, she claps it shut. She flashes you the drawing of a gray bucket on its front cover before it disappears back into her carry on, and you both are reminded that a part of who you are as a couple is just that: a notebook that predicts the future by rooting itself in the present. Sadly, a weeklong trip won’t be enough for everything on her list this time, but who’s to say you’re not coming back eventually? 

And at the end of the trip, you have it ready, the best gift you could give her: a little green notebook, every left-side page filled with things you want to do, and the corresponding right side page blank, all for her. And on the very last leaf, where the cardboard of the back cover accompanies it, is a drawing of a ring, with the words: “I’ll be taking my time, spending my life, falling deeper in love with you.”

“Come on, hurry!” She yanks again, snapping you out of your wistful thoughts. “We’re gonna miss the plane!” Nana pulls you to the gate just as the intercom announces your flight has begun boarding. “Alright, alright! Easy,” you chuckle again, and you can’t believe this is the same girl behind the gym crying her eyes out alone just last year. Funny how people change like that, but at the same time, it’s impossible to think that Nana would ever stay the same.

================================================

Thank you all for watching, it has been a long time working on it and we are really happy it is finally out, hope yall had a good read with this one,

i will see you all next time leafies~

[kentopedia]

♰ sent to destroy — dazai osamu

.𖥔 ݁ ˖🕸️🕷.𖥔 ݁ ˖ KINKTOBER NO. 5 - fallen angel!dazai

he promises he's not the devil, but he steals your soul with just a kiss.

contents. fem!reader, nsfw minors dni, takes place in 1920s for fun ig, actress!reader, alcohol, one mention of suicidal ideation and prostitution by reader, blasphemy, sacrilege, pls don't read this if ur religious & will get offended LMAO, angel fucking (& he has wings), bondage (thru powers), unprotected sex, cunnilingus, corruption kink, possessive sex, softish dazai, mm idk what else — 6.1k

note: i didn't edit this as thoroughly as i normally do so plss ignore any mistakes and i'll love you forever

the speakeasy fills with a thin veil of smoke, coating the room with an intoxicating mix of alcohol and nicotine. it’s a lewd place, full of degenerates and failed actresses like yourself, a crowd of people who don’t belong, but try their best to find a way to keep living. 

it’s a place where women pick up their clients, leading them to the hotel around the corner for a night they certainly won’t be paid enough for. it’s where people drown their miseries in alcohol and hope they won’t wake up in the morning. 

it is, regrettably, the only place you can afford. 

you sit alone at one of the tables, hands shaky from nerves as you smoke another cigarette, contributing just as much to the cloud that suffocates the small room. 

hoards of people make their way downtown for a sip of alcohol, the drink that has so ridiculously been banned, but you are no exception, no angel amongst the sinful devils. 

someone plays a saxophone at the front of the bar, spinning into a graceful melody of jazz that sings out to you, lulls you into an embrace that warms your core. it soothes the anxiety that has lingered with you throughout the day, the reminder that your life is tailspinning. 

you’d failed at landing yet another role, and the acting career you’d packed your bags and moved out for was plummeting. who would accept you now, now that your hopes and dreams had been for naught, now that you’d created a shameful woman of yourself and your family?

the answer was clear; but you were too stubborn too accept it, too desperate to believe that you could be up in the glimmering lights, the brightest silver star the world had ever seen. 

you lean back in your chair, stamping out the cigarette with a sigh as you stand to collect another drink. there’s not much left in your pockets, but you’ve made it work before, and you’ll keep making it work now, scrounging up coins for the relief that came with forgetting. 

the only consolation is the line of women that stand alongside you at the bar, as dejected and miserable as yourself. all of you have been labeled the failures of your families, the ones that bet on a shot in the dark. none of you expected that the road would be easy, certainly not with the way the industry is hasty to pick up only the most beautiful faces… but your ambitions had led you to believe that you, of all people, had had a chance. 

you know your beauty is endless, a sight to be admired, but even that had not been enough to secure your spot in the limelight. 

you thank the bartender as he hands you a drink, and slump back to your table, waiting for the effects of the alcohol to kick in. yet, when you stand at the edge of the table, peer at the chair you’d once been seated in, there is already a man there. 

he gazes at you with a crooked smile, eyes amused as he regards your beaten-down state.

you’ve seen him before—made every attempt not to see him again. you know what they say about him. he’s a wizard, he’s the devil, he’s a god that steals the body of a mortal, waiting to destroy the earth. all bad things, certainly, and with the way your life’s been going, you’d be a fool to get mixed up with someone like him.

still…you know of the things he’s done for people. that miracles have happened for those brave enough to ask for them. 

perhaps, you’re in need of a miracle. 

the dark-haired man leans forward, eyebrows raised as you gawk at him from the other side of the table. “no need to look so frightened,” he says, gesturing towards the other chair. “sit.” 

“i don’t want any company,” you say, straightening, pulling your drink closer to your chest. “i came here to be alone.”

his eyes flash, predatory, as if seeing down through the depths of your soul, to the very desire that lingers within. all of your dreams, your ambitions, and your loneliness are displayed to him, a flashing banner that alerts him easily of everything that’s ever been wrong with you. 

“is that so?” he asks, leaning forward, his voice deepening amongst the chaos of the speakeasy. “then, why have you been staring at me all evening?” 

you can’t help the flush that rushes to your cheek, the heat that covers your entire body. with the crowd of men and women alike that are constantly at his arm, you’d hardly thought he’d notice you.

and though you know what they say about him, he is undeniably beautiful; you’re drawn to him. there is a dark and heavenly beauty about him, something that you fear is too angelic to be of this world. his eyes glimmer almost like diamonds in the candlelit room, skin so flawless that it is nearly luminescent. 

it’s no wonder, really, that you haven’t been able to peel your eyes off of him.

you circle around his question, instead, and set your drink down on the table, lured in either by a false sense of safety, or the confidence of his grin. “i know what you are,” you say, swallowing back the fear that devils often prey on. 

he smiles, indulging you, a lifelong game he has surely played. “and what is that, my dear?” 

the mocking tone sends a cold wave down your spine, even though the sweet name seems to warm you. “i don’t believe i should say it out loud.” you’re not sure what kind of consequence that will bring you. perhaps you do not need to make a deal with him for your soul to be damned, straight to the fiery pits; maybe this conversation is enough, and already, you are on the long list of sinners that will be sent to burn.

“because you believe i am the devil? a demon sent to prey upon you and your soul, drag you down to hell once the contract you’ve made is over?” 

you say nothing, but your silence speaks loudly. 

he sighs, leans back in the chair and looks at you from under thick lashes. “i have no interest in the dealings of those fifty, lesser beings. i find that i can bargain for more enjoyable ventures.” two dark eyes trace over you, swallow you whole as he grazes your curves with his irises, the shape of your breasts under the tightness of your dress, the style shorter to match the current fashions. “so, i think we both may have something the other is interested in. please,” he gestures once more to the seat in front of him, addressing you by your first name—one you never even had to tell him. “sit.” 

nervous, you take the chair, wondering why you aren’t running away, screaming at everyone that there is a monster in your midst, a being that hunts the weak to lure them away from their misery. no wonder he has made himself a frequent customer at this place—there are people drowning in sorrows. one deal with him, and they will wake up in the morning, drowning in riches instead. 

“what do you want from me?” you ask, letting your hands fall to your sides. 

“so eager to get to the best part of my bargain, silly girl. have some patience.” he takes a sip of his own drink, pinning you with his gaze, even above the rim. you squirm under the intensity, but you, even now, can’t look away. “i know you’re struggling to find work. you’ve been here for years, and made pennies to live off of.” he reaches across the table, spins a lock of hair around his finger as he sighs dramatically. “such a shame, really. they must fear the power of your perfection if they refuse to let you shine brighter than the rest of the dull creatures that they call starlets.” 

your heart drops, stutters within the delicate bones of your skeleton before starting again, as you remember that this is how the devil would act, luring you in with sweetly poisoned words full of deceit. “they are talented—”

“they are nothing,” he snarls, banging his fist on the table so loudly that you jump, hands shaking against the beaded skirt of your dress. “you may claim to believe in your own talents, your appearance, but it is all a lie, a facade that you maintain to protect yourself. you are the one holding yourself back, and unless you let me help you, you’ll get nowhere.”

you feel tears burn. “you mean to lure me away from the path of god—”

his eyes narrow. “i mean to free the human race from the chains that religion has bound on them. there is nothing for you in the afterlife but an existence of slavery. one to a malicious devil who only wishes to torment, or one to a god who doesn’t love you.” 

it confuses you, the way he speaks of these beings as if he is not on the side of heaven or hell. as if there could be another option. it seems surreal, a secret that you should not have been told; since the day you were born, you have learned of the path of righteousness, the will of god. 

that is the only way you can obtain a life of peace… yet, there is a creature before you, claiming to offer you a third path, one that doesn’t have you bowing down for a god that won’t answer your prayers. 

it may be foolish, the work of the devil, but you are willing to listen. you are already lured in by this graceful creature with a charming smile and a quick tongue, and you don’t know if it will take much more for you to succumb to him completely. 

already, you have lost your way—you would do anything to escape your unhappiness.

“what is it you’re after, then?” you ask, your voice softer, weaker than you anticipated. 

he laughs, and lets his head tilt sideways, studies you before answering. “my father has cast me out of heaven; i plan to build my own religion of followers, tearing them away from that idiot of a being they call their god. because i am much stronger, much wiser, and the only way that they can find peace after their death is by trusting that i will give it to them.” 

you swallow, twining your fingers together, and think. “you’re… an angel?” 

he waves his hand. “a fallen one.”

there are things about the world that you do not understand, but you know that god has not once help you when you were drowning without a savior. he did not guide a helping a hand when you contemplated dragging a knife across your wrists, and yet, here is something, someone wanting to save you from just that. how is it that god can be more benevolent than those he casts out, when you have seen nothing but the opposite?

“you want me to join you, then?” you ask, drawing your eyebrows together. “if i join you, you’ll give me what i desire?”

“well… that is usually the bargain i offer. however,” he hums, eyes flashing as they scour your body. he looks at you hungrily, like he has never seen a being like yourself. “it has been a while since i’ve seen a human as beautiful as you.” 

you swallow, blinking at him with wide eyes as you grow hot all over. this would not be the first time you’ve sold your body for fame, but never has it been with a man as stunning as the angel before you. “you mean… if i fuck you, you’ll give me whatever i want?” 

he sniffs, repulsed by your suggestion. “always so lewd, you mortals.”

your eyebrows knit together. “but you said—”

“i don’t want you for one night. i want you forever. i want you to swear your body over to me for the rest of your life, let me use it as i wish, bear my children.” he traces your features, grazes a thumb over your jaw, your lip. his eyes are hard, and you swallow, wondering why your stomach flips. “you are meant to be mine.” he smiles, and though you can see the mischief within it, for some reason, there is also softness there as he crosses his arms over the counter. “but if you aren’t interested, then the deal is off the table. i have no need for someone who doesn’t want me in return.” 

you blink back at him, observing the seriousness of his expression, the softness lurking within the pools of his deep brown eyes. perhaps he is a vengeful angel… but he is offering you a life that is much more promising than the one you have now. would it really be so bad to give yourself to him, to spend the rest of your life in his arms, when he promises to give you everything you’ve ever wished for?

“i—” you hesitate, unsure how to even begin to answer the question, when you didn’t quite understand what it was that he needed from you.  

“i’ll give you some time to think about it. after all, it is a decision that will affect the rest of your life.” he stands to his feet, and it is then that you notice there are some eyes on you, the women he typically has hanging off of him watching your interaction with bated breath. “when you have an answer, just call for me. i’ll be there.” 

“wait,” you say, turning in your chair to face him. “i don’t even know your name.” 

“you can call me osamu.” he smiles and winks at you, tucking his jacket closer as he begins to walk away. “we’ll be in touch."

three weeks pass before you see him again. 

you’d decided quickly what you would say to him, and after two weeks worth of auditions that led to nothing, drinking without a friend in the world, alone to rot in your bedroom, you’d made up your mind.

osamu’s proposal, now, after everything you’d suffered, seemed too good to be true. how long had you wished for a companion, for money, for a steady job—and now, these were all things he promised to provide you, if only you’d stand by his side. 

you’d called to him at the start of the week, said a prayer to any angel named osamu that was out there—but no one came. 

night after night, you said the same prayer, wondering, if perhaps, you’d been made a fool of. that everything he had said was a lie, and you, truly, were doomed to live an unhappy life. maybe, he was mocking you for your misfortunes, for your weak heart. 

though, on the twenty-first day after your discussion, you awaken to a figure standing in the corner of your room, watching you with hawklike eyes, the shadow of a wingspan shaped out behind him. 

you gasp, nearly letting out a scream as you scramble to a seated position in your bed, bringing the sheets up to your chest. the man is nothing more than a silhouette, so dark in the moonlight, but you know, without seeing his face, that he is the one you’ve been searching for.

“osamu,” you say, trying to quell the fear that has made a home in your chest. you gawk at him as he uncrosses his arms, sauntering over like he owns the place, like he’s been here before, knows the shape of your body, even under the sheets you hide within. “you heard my prayers.” 

“i apologize for not coming faster,” he smiles in the darkness, teeth glimmering under beams of starlight. his face becomes visible then, and it steals your breath away—he is more stunning than you remember, skin nearly glowing, golden. “you were beginning to sound desperate.” osamu watches as your breathing evens out, your eyes flicking over his features. “is that still the case?” 

he is a sight to behold sitting before you, the very essence of power seeping off of him in waves. a creature crafted from the hands of god, shaped to be the very thing that would protect the weaker creations. 

osamu’s skin, his hair, every inch of him is without flaws, while you are but a sinful human girl who succumbs to each of her urges. 

“i want—” you stop, realizing that you’re not sure what you want. to be an actress, yes, a famous starlet that is cherished by the masses. but, when you look at osamu, the soft, plump shape of his lips, the lean limbs that hide under his tailored coat, you wonder if fame, security, comfort—perhaps, those aren’t the only things you desire from this exchange. “i accept—”

“you sound uncertain,” he interrupts, eyebrows drawing together in a scowl. “you called me here, begged me to come steal you away, and now, you change your mind?”

“no!” you say, scrambling to grab his wrist as he starts to stand from the bed, his eyes flashing as you reach for him on all fours. “i’m not changing my mind. i want to be famous, i want to be yours.” you swallow, choking out the word as it turns your cheeks warm, the heat making its way up from your toes. 

it hit you harder that you anticipated, the taste of belonging to another. you aren’t sure if its because you’ve craved the connection for so long that it’s twisting your insides, turning you into something desperate, or if, already, you feel an invisible string tying you and this stranger together. 

“but?” osamu asks, still seeming like he’s about to flee, his eyes hard, blinking back at you. there is something about you that he wants, but he won’t take it, not unless you crave him just as much. it muddles your mind, confuses you—he could have anyone, could take anything. yet— 

“but why do you want me?” you ask, releasing him to curl your fingers around the blanket. “i don’t understand.” 

osamu balks, then laughs, his eyes crinkling as he regards you with some sort of gentleness. “perhaps i have always loved humans a little too much, much more than i should, at least.” he curls a piece of your hair around his finger, hums to himself. “innocent creatures that my father cursed with misery, blaming their own sinfulness against them.” osamu licks his lips, hungry as dark eyes cover your face. “but it’s not entirely your fault that you must bear the torment of generations. just as it is not my fault that i was born with a lust for something much more delicate than the creatures of heaven.” 

he strokes your cheek, fingers grazing you like you are nothing more than a piece of glass, that you might shatter under the force of his power. perhaps you would—with too much, he might break you, turn you into a pile of ash with a snap of his finger.  

“but there are millions of us to choose from,” you say, sweating under the blanket as your heart pounds in your chest. the breadth of his power becomes more obvious with every passing second, and yet, you crave  a taste of it. “what makes me so special?”

he wraps a large palm around your jaw, thumb pulling at your lower lip. the tip of it dips into your mouth as you watch him with wide eyes, frozen, but not from fear. “i was meant to be your guardian angel, to be the guide that leads you away from the devil until your dying breath.” he moves closer, dipping his head towards your lips, brown irises never leaving your own. “and yet, the moment i laid eyes on you, i had already broken the first rule.” 

you stumble over your syllables, whispering them breathlessly. “and what’s that?” 

osamu smiles, muttering the words against your mouth, his voice ghosting over your skin. “angels are wired to protect those that we are assigned to,” he says, swiping his tongue against your lip, just barely kissing you, the sounds low and breathy. “we’re not supposed to want to fuck them.” a finger drags slowly, sensuously up your arm, and you can’t move, can’t do anything but watch as he pushes you, sinks you slowly into the bed. “i have never wanted anything as badly as i want you.”

you breath, in and out, slow, as the heat settles in your stomach, a burning pool of need churning there. it’s been so long—so long—since anyone has touched you in a way that is kind, has wanted to please you, instead of steal from you. “all that, just for me?” you ask cheekily, though you’re still not sure that he is telling the truth. 

maybe he is the devil, but you no longer care. his voice is so sweet with praise and affirmation, bleeding into the softness of your heart. 

he shrugs. “perhaps i was always meant to fall.” your head hits the pillow. you aren’t sure when he got you pinned on the bed. osamu looms over you with wide, burning eyes, licking his lips with an ache he doesn’t bother to hide. 

“osamu,” you shudder, grabbing his bicep to steady yourself. it is too much, suddenly, all at once. you are filled with need for him, clawing at his skin as he commands complete control over you with nothing but his words. “i—”

your sentence is stolen away by a kiss, one that burns from your mouth all the way down to your toes. it twists something within you, turns you into a monstrous being that you had not realized you were, longing so recklessly to be touched. 

his hands roam over your body, touch featherlight as he removes your dress, drags it slowly off your body, eyes grazing over every inch of your skin like he wants to devour your whole.

he makes a low sound in the back of his throat, fingers lightly dipping down your chest, between the swell of your breast to your ribcage. “how cruel of our father to keep us from such divine creatures,” he says, leaning down to kiss up your stomach, lick the skin around your breasts. “perhaps we are the ones that are truly being punished.”

you writhe under him, hands curling in his hair as his own dips between your thighs. grabbing his scalp hard, you yank him back up to your lips, and your eyes meet, both dark and dangerous as you brush your nose against his own. “you are punishing me right now.” 

“is that so?” he laughs, eyes flashing with humor. “such a greedy, impatient little thing.” osamu slips out of his coat, his shirt, revealing the tent that has already grown in his slacks. they are the next to go, and his golden skin is revealed, the perfection of every line and angle of his body heavenly and refined. he leans down to whisper in your ear, breath ghosting the shell of it. “act like such a princess, but i know you want to be fucked until you can’t form a single thought, don’t you?” he says, and the coolness of his voice has you squeezing his shoulders, gasping out his name.

your skin burns, your chest burns, an ache gathering and settling deep in your stomach. your cunt throbs as you look at the angel before you, and he kisses down your neck, bites a hard bruise into your collarbone. 

you whimper, wondering why you ever questioned going with him, when he could make you feel this good from nothing more than his hands on your skin. 

“such pretty fucking tits.” he swirls his tongue around your hardened nipple, teasing the bud as you cry out loudly in the silent room. far too loudly for the thin walls, the cheap apartment. yet, you wonder if you care that your neighbors can hear the noises that come with your pleasure. 

“that’s it,” he purrs, kissing down your stomach before his lips reach your hipbone, smiling into the sensitive skin there. “so quiet before… thought i was doing something wrong.” 

“n-no,” you say, chest rising quickly as you watch him hover above your soaked cunt with anticipation. “feels good.” 

osamu smiles, spreads your legs farther, so your dripping, aching hole is on display, embarrassingly, every inch of you vulnerable to him. “look at you,” he says, eyes hazy as he holds you tight, digs his fingers in your skin. “so fucking perfect. bet you taste as good as you look.” 

there isn’t a moment for you to say a word—his head is already between your thighs, kissing your clit before sweeping his tongue through your folds, gathering up the wetness. a moan leaves his lips, and the vibration sends a wave of need through you as you squeeze his hair, force him back down on your cunt, nose dragging against your clit. “osamu, please.”

“ah, ah, ah,” he stops, licking his lips that are moist from your juices as his head lifts from between your thighs. a dark smile stretches across his features, calculating and cruel. “where are your manners, sweetheart? i don’t want you to cum too quickly.” 

you’re not sure what he means until you feel your hands pinned to the bed by an invisible force, the power of the angelic creature before you, finally obvious. you can’t move, can’t even writhe against him, even as you try to thrust your hips forward, gain any sort of relief from the position. 

he laughs at you, so pitiful at your desperation to be touched. “much better,” he says, and returns to lap at your cunt, tongue already stretching you as his fingers graze your thigh. 

“s-samu,” you say, feeling the heavy pressure build down in your stomach. “want,” your cheeks grow hot, and you’re tingling with a need to touch him, but you can’t move. his pace is too steady, too slow. you’ve never wanted to scream more. “want your fingers. please, please.” 

“please? such a good girl.” osamu grins against your pussy. the sound of his tongue slurping at your arousal is loud in the darkened space, and you clench around him, burning with need and shame. “you taste so good, too. better than any of the fucking shit in heaven. fuck.” he slips a finger in then, working at your clenching hole as his tongue curls around your clit, rubbing at the sensitive bud. 

your words leave you in a cry, every muscle in your body aching. “please, i want to move. let me touch you, i want to, i—”

“i’m not letting you go that easy,” osamu says, and he pulls his mouth away, his face glistening, soaked. his fingers curl into you and you squeeze your eyes tight as he reaches deeper, to the second knuckle. “you’re so fucking worked up. bet you could cum at the sound of my voice alone.” 

“i wanna, please, i’m so close—"

he laughs, looking up at you from under dark lashes. “already?” the sound is mocking, nothing about it soft as he kisses your inner thigh. he sees the desperation in your irises as you can do nothing but stare, unable to twitch a single muscle. “gonna cum all over my face?” he asks, and he’s back between your legs, tongue diving into you. “make a mess on me, sweetheart, wanna see that pretty face of yours when you cum.” 

you don’t think you’ve every felt like this before, basked in the moonlight as the angelic man soaks his face with your desire, smiling at the sight of you so sinful. your heart hammers in your chest as you remember what you’ve promised him—that you would be his forever and, perhaps, this is what forever entails. 

breathy moans leave you, and with each thrust of his tongue, you’re left with less words on your lips, less thoughts in your mind. “feels so good, you’re so good, osamu,” you babble, over and over. 

osamu reaches the deep spot inside of you, and you squeeze him, clenching as you come on his fingers, cry out in the space of black room, nothing but the stars to guide you. you’re not sure you’ve ever come this fast before, not without the help of your own hands, but osamu just continues to lap at your cunt, drinking the juices and making lewd noises of pleasure at the taste of you. “mm,” he hums, “so fucking perfect.”

he fists his cock, already hard as his tongue swirls inside of you, and you lose any train of thought, too focused on the way he’s making you feel. 

osamu is hard, leaking before he shifts onto his knees, rubbing his cock between your folds, gathering slick at the tip. “want my cock, baby? such a pretty thing deserves it, don’t you think?”

you nod, muttering syllables you don’t even understand. osamu teases you, drags his cock against your hole as he kisses your lips. 

“use your words, sweetheart,” he smiles. his soaked fingers leave patterns of your own slick on your stomach. 

you groan, eyelashes wet. “want your cock, ‘samu, please, wanna be stuffed so full,” you babble, and you can’t do anything but lay there, even though you want to touch him, want so badly to shift your hips into him. “please, osamu, please,” 

he makes a noise in the back of his throat, grinning as he plays with your nipple, lining himself against your dripping hole. “so fucking sweet for me, anyone would think you were the angel, wouldn’t they?” osamu asks, and then he sinks into you, slow, eyes careful as he searches for any pain in your features. 

you blink up at him, making a soft noise as you writhe under your skin. “b-big,” you say, feeling him stretch your walls as he sinks further. 

though his eyes are careful, he doesn’t bother to stop, each second dragging as he inches further into you. he laces his fingers with yours on the bed, grinning as dark hair falls into his eyes. “i think you can take it, can’t you? you’ve been sogood for me already.” 

sucked into the coolness of his gaze, you don’t realize that he’s released you from whatever spell you’ve been trapped under, kept helpless on the bed. you gasp as he sinks into you completely, aching from a mix of discomfort and the deep need with you. 

“too much,” you say, but he sinks further, deeper, and your walls clench around him, bringing a heavy groan out of both of you. “fuck, please, let me move, i—” 

“i’m not stopping you,” he kisses you hard, sloppy as his saliva drags across your lips. there’s a possessiveness in the way he fucks you, dragging his mouth across your own, claiming you as his. “you take it so fucking well, angel, slipping right into this soaked pussy.”

his words take a moment to reach your disoriented mind, and when you try to move, you can, your hands flying to his shoulders to bring him closer. your whimpers are loud in the hollow room, and osamu loves the sound of you, drinking each little whisper in like a heavenly elixir. 

“you’re so pretty,” he says, kissing across your forehead as you arch into him. “making you feel good, hm? so fucking innocent, and i’m ruining you.” 

“mmm,” you force the sound out as osamu thrusts into you, hard against the mattress, his hips moving in a steady, fast rhythm. hair is sticking to his forehead with sweat, his brown eyes even darker in the midnight hour. 

your fingers graze across his back, between his shoulder blades, and though your touch is featherlight, he freezes, stops immediately with a loud groan as he clamps his teeth down on your shoulder. 

you breath in sync, your chests rising and falling together. “osamu?” you ask, staring up at him, his eyes pinched together tightly as he grits his teeth. 

“sensitive,” he says, and his voice is hoarse. “fuck, i’ll cum on the spot if you touch me there.” 

you blink, your haziness clearing as you let your hands fall to your sides. it takes you a moment to realize why he would curl away from your touch there, why he would—

“your wings?” you ask, and he drags his gaze back up to your’s, nodding, before dropping his head onto your collarbone. he exhales into your neck, resuming a slow, steady pace inside you. though, you place a hand on his chest, feel his erratic heartbeat. “can i see?” 

“you don’t want to.” 

you pinch your eyebrows together, but he shifts his hips, forces a cry out of you as you collapse back down against the mattress. “i do,” you argue, but he’s fucking you mercilessly, sensuous sounds echoing in the room as he attempts to distract you. “i want to.” 

he’s about to deny your request, but you let out another soft please, batting your eyelashes so sweetly. your cheeks are flushed from the heat in the room, and, for some reason, he relents, bowing his head in some sort of remorse. slowly, his wings span out across the room. 

you lose your breath for a moment as you stare at them, muddled from the feeling of him inside and the beautiful sight before you. the wings are thick, black and feathery, spanning the length of the room, casting a dark shadow over you. they’re strong and unwavering, with a sheen that could be seen only on a raven, the light turning the shades from a deep purple to green. 

“oh,” you can’t mutter anything else as he drags his tip against the sensitive spot inside you. “oh, they’re so beautiful. fuck, osamu, i can’t—”

you can’t stop yourself from touching them, dragging a gentle touch against one of the feathers. osamu cries out, groans into your mouth as your walls clench around him, sweat dripping between you as your chest presses against his own.

“shit,” he says, forehead pressed to yours. “oh, i’m so close. gonna make me come, aren’t you, baby? squeezing me so fucking tight, touching me like that.” 

his eyes are hazy, and, somehow, for some reason, he’s let you have control of the situation. he kisses your face, treats you with a gentleness you didn’t think he was capable of, his lips so warm against your skin. 

the dark, heavy wings cage you in, falling over the two of you, and you run your fingers against them once more as you feel another orgasm creep upon you. your clit rubs against him, and your slick drips between the two of you, down your thighs as your breath catches in your throat. 

for a moment, you revel in the feeling of him deep inside you, and you close your eyes, his feathered wings so soft under your palm, letting your pleasure overtake you.

though that is short-lived as osamu pinches your jaw.

“hey,” he says gruffly, “look at me. want to see those pretty eyes of yours when you cum.” and though his eyes are soft, delicate from the way you’re stroking his wings, he sounds so mean, so possessive. “gonna fuck all my cum inside you, cause you’re mine now.”

your fingers curl around the feathers, hard as you tug him down towards you. osamu moans deep into your mouth when you clench around him, your orgasm rolling over you again as you scream his name into the blackness of the room. 

“such a good girl f’me, fuck, i—” he doesn’t finish his sentence, already filling your soaked pussy with his cum. it seeps deep inside of you, coating your walls white until he pulls out, lets his seed drip between the two of you. 

osamu presses his fingers across your face, dragging the delicate touch around your jaw, your chin as you breath heavily, still awestruck by the creature before you. you’re exhausted, sleepy, eyes hazy as you regard him with stuttered breath. 

but he doesn’t let you go, kissing you over and over again with flushed lips. “i know you can give me one more,” he says in a low voice, humming against your throat. “my perfect mortal girl. just one more, and i’ll give you whatever you want, got it, pretty?” 

your body aches, sensitive and spent, but you don’t object when he slips another finger into, kissing you hard as he lets you touch his raven wingspan. 

you’d always wanted to be an actress, anyways. 

tags: @hannzai @cha0thicpisces @kissesmellow21 @sukiischaotic @hinata7346

OCTOBER MASTERLIST

[lizzaneia-elizalde]

Yandere! male! childhood friend x gn! unrequited crush! reader

So I decided to further slow down my posts since things got busy and I had no time nor motivation. So, posts will now just depend if I have some ideas. Forgive me!. But also, i'll add a wider range of post styles since full fics are really long and hard to do sometimes.

Also, I take the sentiment back that I won't do new yans for now LMAO I can't resist it.

Yan! Childhood friend name: Minyu

"Minyu is at the lead now, as expected of the swim varsity president of XX university."

That's the voice of the emcee, their voice loud and clear amongst the loud crowd cheering for their contestants. But one person stood out on the pool. He's way ahead of his other competitors, swimming as if he's a natural born sea resident.

"AND MINYU OF XX UNIVERSITY GOT FIRST PLACE!"

Everyone's deafening cheer raised the roof of the indoor pool as a tan man got up from the pool pumping his fist. His eyes were trying to find somebody. And his eyes locked on you.

"Y/N! DID YOU SEE HOW I WON?! ARE YOU PROUD OF ME?!"

Minyu is bubbly, friendly, and really loud. His voice is sometimes as loud as a booming speaker that the professors never really liked. But people swear he's a good guy.

He's mischievous at times, and did plenty of harmless pranks on you when you both were children.

You both are neighbors since birth. And due to being neighbors, and Minyu being a naturally friendly and charismatic boy, you two became friends.

"Good for you, Min Min. Let's go celebrate?" You asked, handing him his towel as he wiped his wet hair with it.

"Sure! My treat."

Sure, he's friendly, but in reality, he's one hell of a plastic man. He's only being friendly and approachable to use tthese people in the future. It did have setbacks, but hey. Being a popular guy has its perks.

Unlike yandere! college student though, he never found being friendly a choir to do. Minyu finds it amusing to see these people scramble to get his attention, and be his friend.

It's like these people were lower than him.

Why?

He's been betrayed once by his "friends". And ever since then, he stopped being genuine with other people. Always suspecting them for wanting something from him.

But you were different. You were the only one who was genuine with him despite the regular banters the both of you have. That's why you're the only one who knows how plastic the dude is with others. You somehow feel flattered though. At the very least, right?

You don't know the story behind the betrayal. But you saw how down he was due to it so you never left his side. And because of that, he became attached to you.

"Oh, what did I do to deserve such a friend like you?"

That's what he always asked you while hugging you tightly.

When people asked what's your relationship with him, you were quick to deny it. You both were only friends, and nothing more.

And besides...

You froze, seeing your crush pass by the hallway.

As if on cue, your cheeks flushed red and looked down. Goodness, why did he have to pass by this specific hallway? And with Minyu too.

You unconsciously put space between you and Minyu. The rumors about you two dating ringing in your head. You wanted to make it seem that you're available.

But what you didn't see is Minyu's once lively face fall to a cold, blank stare at your back, and at your crush.

"What do they see in that fucker that they don't see in me?!"

A crash was heard in a bedroom. The whole house was quiet, and all one could hear are disgruntled yells of frustrations and desperation.

"What do I need to do to make you notice me?!"

Another crash, this time it was glass.

"Is it because we were friends since childhood?! Is that it?!"

Minyu slid down the wall, absolutely shaken up.

He hated Austin so much.

The perfect little bitch boy, Austin. Your crush. He was so bland! And guess what, he's a total heartbreaker! Well, that's what the rumors tell anyways.

He's a heartthrob that you unfortunately fell for also.

Minyu's pupil shook as he took another gulp of air. The sense of dread and panic settling in his stomach.

He's like this outside of other people's vision. Even yours.

He's an insecure man who can't stand it if you decide to betray him too. Too caught up in the past, he's shaken up at the thought of you leaving him.

Your picture caught his eyes, and he fought back an angry spittle of words gurgling in his throat.

He knew it wasn't your fault. People fall for people regardless of logic.

But why not him? He's there for you since you both were kids! You were there for him when his friends betrayed him. He did his best to flirt and put signals that he's in love with you. He took up swimming because he wanted to look cool in front of you.

But just like the tropes in the books you read, the childhood friend always got overlooked.

He let out a humorless laugh at that thought. The image of you with Austin made him grab his lamp and throw it to the wall.

He knew his issues. But he doesn't want to help himself.

His ear perked up when he heard a ping on his phone. With a shaky groan, he crawled towards his bed, avoiding the broken items and opening up the notification.

He froze, his body clamming up.

"The audacity of this goddamn--!"

One of his ex friends decided to transfer to his school.

Or should he say, ex crush?

He had a group of friend outside of you back in freshmen year of highschool. There were 5 of them, including Minyu. One of them was a long time crush since elementary, and he was so giddy to become their friend.

Goo goo eyed, he followed them everywhere. He felt like the cool guy hanging out with the popular crowd. He swore they liked him too.

Naive little boy he was, doing all their bidding and orders like it wasn't a big deal. Sure, Minyu was rich anyways. So money wasn't a problem. Was it?

His parents noticed how he's spending so much money in a short amount of time. They got into a fight because of it, and Minyu ended up talking back to them and him having his allowance cut off.

The first time he had to reject a... request, Faces immediately fell and their interest in Minyu also fell.

"It's fine. Hey, that karaoke bar opened right?"

"Let's go~!"

Minyu perked up.

"I'll go with you guys too!"

They raised their eyebrows almost immediately.

"Ah, sorry Minyu. But the car is already full. Maybe next time."

This continued to happen. Being snubbed like some dirt on the road. And what hurts the most, is that his crush, who he showered so much gifts with, lost interest in him also.

This was an abusive cycle he was in, until he was finally dropped by them halfway to the school year when Minyu didn't get anything expensive for his crush, and only gifted her an explosion box filled with creative ways to confess.

"Ew. I don't even like you. You're so... Ugh. Don't talk to me ever again."

That experience snuffed out his light, Especially when they decided to rub it in further by spreading how Minyu was only with them for his crush, and failed to get her. Spreading lies too, saying he was an asshole, and he's the one who kept demanding gifts.

Sure, majority didn't believe them, but he was so scarred by it due to the humiliation and betrayal he felt.

So, he fell back and only relied on you. Somebody who he knew would always be there for him.

Now that she's back in his life, he wanted revenge.

But then he felt like it wasn't worth it at all...

Or, he could use her?

It would be hard to manipulate a manipulator, but... He could use her to his advantage.

two months passed by peacefully. And Minyu, wide smiled, attended class.

He knew what happened, and he's pumped. It's as if everything right in the world just connected for him and him only.

With a giddy laugh, he opened the door to the cafeteria with a shit eating grin.

And there you were, sitting alone, eating the lunch you made with a somber look on your face.

He's not gonna pretend that he didn't feel guilty, but god did it outway the results.

"Hey, Y/n. What's up?" Minyu asked, sliding beside you. A concerned look he gave, he rubbed your back gently. "You don't look well."

"W-well... Austin... He... he's so close with that new girl. Gaia, wasn't it?" You said, looking up at him. "I saw them... They were so close. Gaia was hugging his arm so close. Austin doesn't like being held at all."

Minyu hid a smirk and offered a gasp. "Wait, really? Why? How?"

"I don't know..." You bit your lip. "I think Austin likes her. Should I give up on him?"

Finally, Minyu yells in his head.

"For me, yes. You've been chasing Austin since we were first year in college. And honestly, you look like a whipped highschooler looking at him and always wanting to be in his vicinity. No offense." He sheepishly said, "Please, y'n. Move on. For yourself."

While you thought of what he said, Minyu almost laughed out loud.

The day that Gaia transfered, he met up with her, in the pretenses of moving on and asking for forgiveness. Gaia, not changing at all, puffed her chest in pride when Minyu asked for forgiveness on something he didn't do.

Minyu then befriended her the old fashion way. Gifting, talking, fanning her ego, etc. But, he also filled her head on how amazing Austin is. On how he's so handsome, and a genius, and most of all, richer than Minyu.

That got Gaia looking at Austin.

Slowly, Gaia lets go of Minyu and focuses on Austin.

Austin too, seems privy with her attention.

And now, you saw how close they got. That's...

"Amazing." Minyu whispered under his breath, watching you think deeply about the heartache you just experienced.

"Please, move on Y/n. You deserve someone better!"

Someone who's close to you, someone who has been there for you.

Someone that is him.

So pick him, choose him, love him.

Before he fully looses his mind.

This one is all over the place ngl TT-TT

[bonefall]

Who’s Juniperclaw again? Also the quote about ruthlessness? Staring curiously

Canon!Juniperclaw is tigerHeartstar's nephew, son of Dawnpelt and brother to Strikestone and Sleekwhisker.

He was the first deputy of ShadowClan after tigerHeartstar's return, until he tried to pressure SkyClan into leaving the Lake in AVOS by poisoning their food. No one was hurt any worse than "bad tummyache," but he was exiled anyway. He then died rescuing Shadowkit from a flooded river QuickTime event.

We found out that he went to the Dark Forest in TBC. He was allowed to become the guardian of the tunnel between the Place of No Stars and StarClan's Hunting Grounds, in the hopes of finding redemption.

For BB this is all a bit different;

I've been waiting for a while for the perfect opportunity to rise to rework Juniperclaw's story.

I REALLY like the idea of his poisoning, his exile, and his placement in the Dark Forest... but the back half of AVoS is baddd.

Plus, it's just too bloodless. If he's going to get DARK FOREST over this, I expect a body count.

So now, his actions lead to at least 3 deaths. Leafstar is one of them, Sparkpelt was ALMOST another but Hollylark uses xeir powers to die in her place, and Flickerkit dies shortly before his birth.

ANYWAY JUNIPERCLAW

I feel like he wasn't expecting the death toll to be so devastating.

This event is being moved to Squirrelflight's Horror. Juniper's plot was that he was going to do this poisoning to blame it on The Sisters.

He just wanted SkyClan off ShadowClan land, he figured if he convinced Leafstar that the Sisters are a threat that needs to be dealt with that she'd move

He didn't think it would kill three people, just make them sick! Maybe just ONE of Leafstar's lives! And how was he supposed to know ThunderClan's leader's daughter would have a bowl?!

This plan probably works, but the guilt EATS Juniperclaw alive. He got exactly what he wanted-- a battle patrol against expectant queens.

I can't see this secret going on too long, someone rats him out and he crumbles. He can't live with it anymore.

But in Waspstar's eyes, an exile was a light punishment. Exactly what xey expected out of Heartstar, so openly biased for her family, not taking the death of SkyClan's leader as the murder that it was.

Xey dealt with this by sending a message; all "honored" guests could come and pay their respects to Leafstar.

Juniperclaw isn't invited explicitly... but the message reaches him. It is implied. So he comes, hoping to offer his sincere regrets.

I'm trying to figure out the cat equivalent of "Being taken out back and shot" is lmao

Professional mob boss kind of hit. Someone takes out the pistol with a silencer and ends his existence in the back alley as the loud party inside drowns out the sound of the shot. Do you understand me

Whoever the "hitman" was, Waspstar is the one who ordered it and xey take full responsibility.

The kill was clean. Not messy. Juniperclaw didn't suffer-- unlike his victims.

Juniperclaw goes to the Dark Forest like canon, but in BB he isn't the only border guard. He's buddies with Mudclaw and Appledusk.

The line about ruthlessness I mentioned offhandedly is this one from KA Applegate. I'm pretty sure it's from Animorphs.

"People don’t understand the word ruthless. They think that it means ‘mean.’ It’s not about being mean. It’s about seeing the bright, clear line that leads from A to B. The line that goes from motive to means. Beginning to end. It’s about seeing that bright, clear line and not caring about anything but the beautiful fact that you can see the solution."

It's become a popular paragraph as of late, because it slaps.

[twstowo]

They End Up In a Universe Where The Two Of You Hate Each Other [Twst]

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗SYNOPSIS: The two of you are happily dating and he couldn’t have asked for anything else, however, one day he finds himself in a strange place only to find that here the two of you are enemies.

♡︎ I wrote Azul's part while listening to 9mm, not the proudest moment of my life lmao.

♡︎Includes: Azul and Jamil

[AU Masterlist]

[Riddle and Leona] ☆[Here] ☆[Vil and Idia] ☆[Malleus]

⋆⋅☆Azul

The fate of this Azul had been written. He would continue to sell wishes in exchange for something in return. However, one day, he would cross paths with the wrong person, leading him to be sent back to live in his octopot, never again able to make a name for himself.

──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

Azul Ashengrotto had been quite curious about the person that would ruin his life in this universe. Here, he appeared to be the owner of a potion shop, and as a side hustle, he still made contracts. On this particular night, he waited for Jade and Floyd, his associates in this universe, to gather ingredients for a love potion. Azul found the choice of potion rather mundane, considering they were never very durable.

As Azul mixed the ingredients one by one, he heard the door of his shop open. He expected to see Floyd or Jade at this hour of the night, but to his surprise, a mysterious figure in black robes entered. The figure strolled towards him and took a seat. Azul was ready to send whoever it was out of his shop until he saw your face.

"Azul Ashengrotto," you said his name, and he had to hold onto the table to keep from falling out of his seat. Your voice was soft and enticing, almost as if he had been enchanted by one of his potions. Then, to his shock, you pointed a gun at him. "I hate dealing with merfolks like you," you declared, rolling your eyes as you adjusted yourself in the seat, getting comfortable.

In the past, facing dire circumstances, you struck a deal with Azul to secure your impoverished family's safety from the grip of famine and sickness. This decision, fueled by necessity, came at the price of your servitude to Azul, entailing participation in unsavoury tasks that gradually wore down your patience. Now, driven by a growing discontent and a yearning for freedom, you boldly confronted Azul. "What about another contract? I quit working for you, yet my family retains your protection," you proposed with determination, pressing the barrel of a gun against Azul's forehead. "And be warned, any attempt to back out of this deal and I will expose all your nefarious schemes to the world."

He had just never expected it to be you, the wrong person.

⋆⋅☆Jamil

The fate of this Jamil had been written, he was a servant, spending years catering to Kalim, only to eventually poison him. However, his treacherous act would be discovered, leading to his imprisonment for the remainder of his life.

──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

Even in this alternate universe, Jamil found himself serving under Kalim. He couldn't help but roll his eyes as he performed the routine task of serving Kalim's dinner for what felt like the millionth time. In this reality, he found Kalim even more annoying, and to make matters worse, you and Kalim seemed inseparable. Jamil observed how the two of you did practically everything together, and he couldn't escape the feeling of your gaze on him, almost as if you were aware of his darker thoughts.

A particular incident lingered in his memory — the moment he had to deliver a drink to Kalim. Before he could do so, you snatched the cup, drinking the liquid and making it clear that you didn't trust him. A shiver ran down Jamil's spine as he witnessed your face contorted in hatred.

"I'm keeping an eye on you, Jamil," you declared with a cold tone. Growing up as a noble, you had experienced betrayal from a servant who had tried to poison you. Seeing Jamil stirred memories of that past betrayal. You could sense his ill intentions, and even his eyes seemed void of any emotion when Kalim presented him with kindness.

"That won't be necessary," he responded with a slight smile. Even though he disliked the fact that he now had to live with you hating him, he couldn't deny the thrill of your cunning ways of uncovering him. How refreshing it was to have someone as clever as himself around.

Your gaze never left his as he left the room slowly. It felt like it didn't matter which universe he landed in, you were always the most interesting thing in it. He just didn’t understand why the version of him from this universe couldn’t have seen that.

[cheolaholic]

ring of love; csc (teaser !!)

the ring doesnt always have to be filled with violence.

modern! au • boxer! au • hhu focused • multiple kinds of tropes • fluff, angst, smut

summary; agreeing to join vernon spectate an underground boxing match wasn't how you'd expect to spend your friday night. you also didn't expect to see seungcheol, someone you've lost contact with for years, become a part of the ring.

contains; boxer! seungcheol, part-time barista! reader, gamer! wonu, part-time model! mingyu, rapper! vernon, vocalist! joshua (he appears for an open mic scene), they're all in college so college! au, psychology major! wonwoo, art major! vernon, art major! mingyu, business major! reader, business major! seungcheol, hhu playing cupid and matchmaker, no second lead syndrome drama kinda shit bcs i said so, childhood friends to lovers, seungcheol and reader lost contact somewhere in their teen years, seungcheol is an absolute simp for reader, multiple types of tropes to be found, seungcheol is rich (like absolutely filthy rich), same goes to the rest of the hhu (they don't flaunt it like how you'd expect most rich kids to do, just that occasionally reader would have a moment of realisation where she goes 'right, they have the money for that'), reader and her family aren't as rich but are well off enough to have a comfortable lifestyle (working middle class) there's fluff, some occasional angst

mature themes include; sexual tension, making out, lazily making out, fingering, oral (f&m receiving), dacryphilia, cheol is filthy rich and has a filthy mouth to go along with it, corruption kink, marking kink, unprotected sex (pls wrap it before you tap it), dom! cheol, sub! reader, light bondage, lots of cussing, etc

a/n; yaho~ ik i've been gone for what, 3 years? but, i am back baby! (read in shane/ryan's voice from buzzfeed/watcher) and first fic ofc, i'm dedicating it to my beloved husband, cheol <33 this fic basically proves my permanent residence in delululand lmao 🥴

click here to join the taglist ♡

"you... want me to join your endurance stream?"

a small hum was met with your question as wonwoo took a sip from his can of black monster energy drink. "...but, why..?" you asked, completely confused.

it wasn't as if you didn't like the idea, though you were caught off guard as the only games you've ever played were... well, more catered towards your style of aesthetic. games such as animal crossing, melatonin, a little to the left.

wonwoo's taste in games on the other hand, they were what you'd expect from majority of the male demographic on earth ㅡ FNAF, first person shooter games, he has a huge obsession with chilla's art games (to which you understand why after watching his playthrough of 'the closing shift' and 'night delivery').

the usual horror, thriller and action genre is what you're getting at.

"reason number one, you're pretty. and no, i'm not trying to hit on you," he then proceeded to raise his hand as if he was taking an oath, "i swear i'm not. i meant it as in, who wouldn't want to watch a pretty girl play games? i know your preferred genre of games and mine are two different worlds but, i'm sure we can compromise."

wonwoo surveys both your surroundings, seemingly to check whether the coast was clear; before propping his arms onto the coffee table and leaning forward.

"reason number two being if you join, i'll be able to get seungcheol to join too."

"so, you're getting me to join so you can get cheol to join?" placing a hand over your chest, you faked betrayal, "i feel so hurt that you're only using me as bait, woo."

"hey, i also want you to join, okay?"

taking a sip from your milkshake, you stared at wonwoo, urging him to continue his explanation.

"___, please. i even had the whole process of the endurance stream planned out! i just need seungcheol hyung to say yes, and you're the key to getting him to say yes!"

"woo, you're friends, of course he'll agree! i don't understand how i play a role in this. i'm sure bantering with mingyu, or even trying a 'no cuss' bet with vernon would be enough to get him to say yes."

shaking his head while sighing, he muttered out a "it's not that simple..."

"woo, i seriously don't get it."

"___, i'm going to be extremely honest, okay?"

you shoot the male sitting front of you a confused look, which prompted him to take a sip of his drink.

"this isn't the first time i've done an endurance stream, i'm sure you know that too. and i'm sure you've seen seungcheol join them but, not all the time. you'll notice it's usually gyu or vernon with me and chat's pretty much made it an inside joke that hyung's a rare pokemon sighting on my streams."

you let out a small laugh at seungcheol being called a rare pokemon sighting, which makes wonwoo smile.

"and, as of late, i've noticed that whenever we hung out, seungcheol would be there too. regardless if he had a match the previous night and his entire body is sore."

"but... we're friends, no? why wouldn't he be there?"

"okay, allow me to rephrase that sentence."

"mmm?"

"seungcheol hyung will only say yes if you're there too."

you're mouth opened slightly, shocked and confused. as you tried to process wonwoo's sentence, he added on.

"and this is just my assumption based on what i've observed from the day vernon introduced you up to now."

"you sound like a psychiatrist, woo..."

"i am a psychology student, no?"

"touché. and what have you concluded from your observation, mr jeon?"

"i think seungcheol likes you."

[bisexualbrainrots]

Okay so I didn't expect to be so inspired by this post (plus my tags), but hey, what a hiatus does to someone right? @unfuckablebogtroll thanks for the inspo!

So, here's a snippet of whatever this will be (haven't finished outlining the whole story yet) also I know nothing about how social workers work in the us, so i just did a lot of google searches to write this, let's suspend our disbelief lmao:

“I’m here to inform you that from now on your son, Scott Howards, is going to be legally put under your care and will be moved into your residency, we have made an extensive background check…”

Buck wasn’t really paying attention anymore, two words running through his mind.

Your son.

Your son. 

“What do you mean son?” he had just interrupted the social worker and yet, she didn’t seem so taken aback by his clear state of shock.

“We tried to contact you these past few days, didn’t you receive our calls and email?” 

That made him immediately go back and look for his phone, quickly checking everything as he went back to the front door.

Three missed calls and an email sent yesterday. They weren’t wrong, but why did it feel like they were?

“Okay… but I don’t know anything about a kid, wh-who is the mother and why am I supposed to keep him now?” 

Tara explained it all, as quickly as she could, while still keeping a soothing tone in her voice. She clearly had experience in working with situations like this one, or at least some similar, based on how calmly she explained that the mother, some woman named Jessica Howards, passed away a couple of weeks ago and that there was no immediate family that could take care of Scott. The grandparents had passed away two years ago and Jessica didn’t have any siblings that could take care of the kid, so the next (or first really) on the list had to be the biological father.

Evan Buckley was a mess. Nothing in his brain was really computing, not even when the social worker told him about the boy, a six and a half year old kid who despite being named Scott, everyone just called Scotty.

“I-I…” 

“I’m sorry but, how did you find Evan? And where exactly is the kid now?” Tommy had taken the lead, something he knew by now to do whenever Buck’s brain was being useless. He held his hand, rubbing his thumb against some of the knuckles in an effort of grounding Buck, which worked slowly.

“We found a letter in her belongings, it was apparently never sent but dated back to 2018, probably around the time Jessica found out she was pregnant. We also had to do some digging based on the information and found his social media which, well, led us to this moment” she sounded exhausted, it probably took them a lot of hours to even find who Evan was, it was something Tommy could respect, that level of dedication. “And Scotty… he’s actually here, I brought him in the car, you don’t have to worry about much since he had a nap today and we explained all of this to him as best as we could. He also has his own blanket and favorite toy with him, it’s been really helpful to calm him down”

Tara mentioned the documents she had in hand and that seemed to snap something in the couple’s heads. They’d been so shocked at the news they didn’t notice the bundle of papers she carried. Tara once again explained everything thoroughly, that those were all the legalities Buck had to sign in order to be granted guardianship of Scotty, and asked if they could get inside to sign papers and let the boy inside the house.

Tommy nodded and took the lead again, telling Buck to get inside with Tara while he would check on the kid. Tara agreed, stepping inside with Buck who guided her towards the dining table, while Tommy stepped into the social worker’s car.

[buckymorelikefuckme]

just let go

professor loki x masters student reader

words: 2.2k

warnings: s*exual content, o*ral (m receiving), unprotected s*ex (don't do that), the tiniest bit of degred*ation, implied age gap

a/n: surprise bitches!! my first ever loki fic and it's just straight up filth LMAO! not proofread, we d*e like men. any and all mistakes are mine. feedback is encouraged & appreciated ♡ xoxox

The wooden door to his office is all that separates you from Professor Laufeyson.

Just yesterday you completed your last final for his Mythology and Folklore course, which had easily become your favorite class. He had such a way with words and an alluring, mischievous presence that held the attention of even the most bored of students. His deep voice enraptured you as he earnestly told tales of gods and goddesses, of ancient cities and lost kingdoms, hard-won battles and tragic losses.

You've always had a deep love for history, both fact and fiction, but Professor Laufeyson made that love turn into an obsession and burning desire to soak up every bit of knowledge he was willing to share.

It certainly didn't hurt that he's very easy on the eyes.

His height had startled you when you first entered his class. And when he turned to greet everyone, you struggled to swallow past your suddenly dry mouth. Inky, dark hair curled under his ears, his blue eyed gaze meeting every single student as he introduced himself and gave a quick discussion about what to expect from the course. His lilting accent wrapped itself around you and you shivered.

It felt like time slowed down when his stare landed on you. Butterflies erupted in your stomach, a surge of warmth spread in your veins. You swore his lips twitched up a touch more, but perhaps it had been wishful thinking. The moment passed before you wanted it to. As soon as he looked away you let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding.

Safe to say this new obsession also extended to your beautiful professor.

Which leads you to now, standing outside his office, biting the inside of your cheek as you war with yourself over whether or not you want to follow through with your plan. You wouldn't say it's a well-thought plan, by any means, but you can't go another day without knowing. You knock on the door before you can change your mind.

“Come in,” he calls from inside.

Steeling yourself, you enter. You should probably leave the door open, for accountability if nothing else, yet your motivations have you closing it behind you with a resolute click.

Professor Laufeyson glances up from his laptop, wire rimmed glasses perched on his nose. He smiles when he sees who's stepped in. Your name falls past his lips and it has goosebumps rising across your flesh.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” he wonders, gesturing towards one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Do you have a question about your final?”

You sink into the plush leather of the chair. “Um, sort of.” He raises an eyebrow in question. “I was wondering if you'd graded it yet.”

He tilts his head ever so slightly. “I have. Grades will be posted tomorrow on the school’s website.”

“Right,” you say quietly.

After a moment’s pause, he inquires, “Is there something else you needed?”

You swallow roughly and gather every ounce of courage you can find. “You.” Your voice is nothing but a soft whisper, but you know he's heard you, loud and clear, because his eyes darken. “I need… I need you.”

When he speaks next, it's deeper than usual, gravelly. “You're treading dangerous waters,” he warns.

“I know,” you admit. “But I still want you.”

You see the muscles in his cheek jump as he clenches his jaw. The small action has hope swirling in your chest.

“Please, professor,” you say quietly.

He closes his eyes and releases a shaky exhale. “This is highly inappropriate.”

“That's not a ‘no’,” you point out.

“It should be,” he retorts fiercely.

But you can see his resolve beginning to crack. You rise from your seat, taking measured steps around his desk until you're standing beside him. He refuses to look at you, so you kneel. He mutters a curse under his breath.

You lift a shaking hand and place it on his thigh. “If you don't want me, all you have to do is say so.”

Your heart hammers against your rib cage as his silence. It's an answer all on its own.

Using the hand you have on him, you nudge him to turn toward you. You slide both palms up his thighs now, meeting his heated stare as you reach for his belt buckle. He doesn't stop you from undoing it and you hasten to open the button and zip on his trousers. You pull the waistband of his briefs down, finally setting your eyes on his half hard cock.

“Perfect,” you whisper, wrapping your hand around it and stroking it to full hardness.

He grunts at the touch, spreading his legs a bit more to allow you more room, which you eagerly accept, shifting forward on your knees. Your mouth waters when you see precome beading on his tip. Unable to hold yourself back anymore, you lean in and take the head of his cock into your mouth.

You swirl your tongue around him, dipping into his slit, humming as you collect his precome. He sighs, and when you look up at him through your lashes, you're delighted to see a faint flush on his cheeks. He’s gripping the arms of his chair tightly, the leather creaking. You grab one of his hands and thread your fingers through his, giving it a squeeze as you ease down his cock further.

“Fuck,” he hisses, head falling back when you begin to bob your head.

You make a noise of displeasure, pulling off of him with a noisy slurp. “Look at me, professor,” you instruct.

He obeys, eyes blazing, and you swallow him back down, stroking what you can't fit with your other hand. You settle back into your slow bobbing, savoring every bit of the moment, of his taste, tracing your tongue along the vein on the underside of his cock. Drool seeps past your lips, helping the glide of your hand. He groans and you hum in response.

“You look like sin,” he rasps. “Sucking my cock like there's nothing else you'd rather do than please me.”

You moan, nodding your head a little as your cunt pulses with want, increasing your pace. He makes another noise from the vibration of your moan.

“Are you going to let me fuck you? Hm?”

You pull off again, continuing to stroke him as you beg, “Please.”

He lets go of your hand and tugs on your arms until you're straddling his lap. Carefully, you take his glasses off and place them on his desk. When his fingers slip under your skirt, all the way up to your hip, the only thing he feels is skin, no sign of underwear.

“What a slut you are,” he muses, redirecting his fingers to where you're dripping for him. You gasp while he toys with your swollen clit. “You just knew I'd let you have your way, huh?”

You shake your head, hips twitching. “No,” you reply, “but I hoped.”

“Yeah? You wanted my cock that bad?” he asks, slipping a finger inside you.

“Yes,” you whine.

He softly shushes you. “You have to be quiet, sweetheart. Wouldn't want anyone to hear, would you?”

“I-If I’m totally honest, I—oh—I really don't care,” you confess as he starts sliding his finger in and out, grasping at his shoulders.

“Christ,” he mutters, adding another finger.

He's reaching places inside you that you're sure have never been found before. You can't help but grind into his touch, moaning when he curls his fingers and rubs over a spot that has you trembling. You've hardly even started and he's already got you wrecked.

After he's eased a third finger in, you can't help begging, pleading for more, for his cock. Desperation claws at your chest the longer he doesn't give it to you.

“Please, please, sir, I need it, I need you, please,” you babble.

Wordlessly, he removes his fingers, ignoring your whimpers at the loss, but then he's tapping your hips to signal you to sit up. You eagerly comply, whining when you feel the head of his cock align with your entrance. You don't have the patience to wait anymore and sink down on his cock without warning.

“Jesus, fuck,” he groans, panting as the wet warmth of your pussy welcomes him.

The stretch has your jaw slackening and eyes fluttering closed. When you're full seated, you clench around him involuntarily. He curses again and you giggle deliriously.

“You feel so good,” you breathe, rotating your hips in small circles. “I'm so full, professor. Your cock is so thick, stretches me perfectly. Wanna keep you inside me forever.”

“The mouth on you,” he grits. “God. If I had known…”

You hum. “Well now you do.”

You lift yourself, moaning at the drag of his cock, then slide back down. The grip he has on your hips is bruising, but it only adds to your pleasure as you set a slow pace, making sure you both feel every inch of his cock going in and out. It's a delicious torture, one that has your toes curling.

“You're riding me so well,” he praises breathily.

You let out a keening noise, settling with him all the way inside and grinding in a filthy way.

“I’m—I’m being good?” you ask, biting your lip as you gaze at him through heavy lids.

A small smirk paints his features. “Such a good girl,” he confirms.

You bury your fingers in his hair, yanking him forward into a messy kiss. He returns it with just as much enthusiasm, one hand coming up to wrap around your throat as he bites at your lips, sucking on the bottom one before flicking his tongue across it. You moan brokenly, feeling as if you can't get enough of him.

Suddenly, he moves his hands to your thighs, holding on to you tightly as he stands and carries you to the sofa in the far corner of his office. He lays you down on it much too gently for the way he's devouring your mouth. He wastes no time and begins thrusting into you, hard and calculated, the sound of his hips meeting yours, the sheer force of it, has you crying out.

“We really can't afford to have anyone hearing us, sweetheart. Be good for me and be quiet.”

“Yes, sir,” you gasp, biting back a whine when he changes the angle.

He cups his hands under your knees, pushing them back so your skirt slips up and he can finally get a look at your pretty pussy. The sight has him growling, thrusting that much harder. You throw your head back, eyes rolling, a steady moan vibrating against your lips.

“You're going to look stunning when you cum on my cock,” he declares, picking up his pace. “Will feel even better when you clench uncontrollably around me.”

“Please,” you whimper pathetically.

He releases one of your legs and rubs quick, messy circles around your clit, and your knees hike higher, back arching off the sofa as your orgasm starts to build in your core. You're trying to be quiet, but choked off, needy noises manage to slip out.

“Let me see it, love,” he instructs. “Cum for me.”

Your body goes rigid, breath locking up in your lungs as the coil within you snaps. You gasp in a sharp breath as your climax hits, spreading slow like molasses through you, clenching wildly. He doesn't let up, continuing to fuck you and prolonging the most intense orgasm of your life.

“So fucking beautiful,” he grunts.

He chases his own high now, thrusts losing some of their finesse. You pull him down into a kiss that lacks focus, mostly tongues tangling and panting breaths.

“Just let go, professor,” you whisper.

“My name,” he gasps, pleading, “say my name.”

Your pussy flutters at the demand. “Let go. Cum for me, Loki.”

He groans, pressing his face in your neck. His last thrusts are sharp, harder than ever, and then he finally stills. You sigh in content as he moans through his release. His hips twitch with aftershocks, grunting lowly.

He doesn't move a muscle as he catches his breath, and you're more than happy to have him where he is, hovering above you, buried to the hilt inside you still. You comb your fingers through his hair, softly kissing his temple until he raises his head, trailing his own kisses up your neck and jaw.

“Fuck,” he sighs.

You giggle. “I agree.”

He lifts himself up to see your face better. An impish grin greets you.

“If we hurry and clean up, I’ll take you home for round two.”

You try to tamper down on your smile, but you can't contain it. He kisses you and it's like a promise.

“There better be more than just a second round. I haven't had enough of you yet,” you reply, swiping your thumb across his cheek.

His eyes twinkle playfully. “Don't you worry. You're not leaving my bed anytime soon, even if that means tying you down.”

You lick your bottom lip. “I wouldn't be opposed.”

“Dirty, dirty girl,” he accuses and you don't deny it, giggling as he leans in to kiss you stupid.

[noisyquokka]

I know this is a very vague request and im really sorry in advance 😭… do you think you could write some headcanons/reactions for wayv? I noticed that most nct content is for dream, sometimes 127, and rarely my wayv boys and i LOVE them 😮‍💨, i dont really have a concept in mind i would prefer if it was made with a female reader in mind but gender neutral works just as well, and idk maybe a little bit suggestive if youre in the mood for it?? Idk anyways thanks for listening and im sorry im not giving you much to work with :)

+ OMG OK I JUST SENT IN A VAGUE REQUEST FOR WAYV BUT I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING NOW, idk if you’ll see this but do you think you could do wayvs reaction to a female reader whos more dominant, not necessarily in the bedroom sense (although that too) but just someone who looks more feminine but automatically takes on more masculine gender roles in a relationship like being big spoon, or bringing home the bag, or being the one to take care of things and fix things? Again i don’t necessarily mean in a sexual way just more in a general relationship because i know you said you werent confident/comfortable writing nsfw stuff, but if you wanted to take a more suggestive route too i wouldnt be mad, youre the writer here, im just here to support 💗, thank you again!

A/N - Not me having a whole-ass brain fart on gender roles as I wrote this🤪but ohhhohoo I love this idea!!! I'm sorry it took forever :( also some of these are longer than others, I apologize. But I still hope you enjoy 💛 Thank you for the request, Love!

WORDCOUNT - 1,165

WARNINGS - F!reader, suggestive if you squint from the other side of the galaxy??

Kun

you had told him that you were quite independent from the beginning of your relationship

perhaps you hadn't been persuasive enough, or it didn't register in Kun's head...

because when he comes home from tour, he doesn't expect to find you in the kitchen, cursing under your breath with your head ducked beneath the sink

it appears you're too busy groveling at the plumbing to notice his presence, the clanking of metal on metal hitting his ears

"What... are you doing?" is followed by a thud! and another hushed curse as you emerge from the cabinet, rubbing at the crown of your head with a grimace

you're met with warm hands and a concerned gaze as you straighten up, adjustable wrench in your grip

"The shut-off valve for the cold water failed," you wipe the sweat from your brow, eyeing the small space you have to work with under the sink, "so I went and picked up replacements for both."

and Kun's just standing there like 'woah, babe, go off'

but also a little worried

cue the "shouldn't we call a plumber", and the "are you sure's"

it's not that he believes you're incapable, far from it!

he's just got no clue about the tricks of that trade lmao

asks if you need help

will literally sit by and watch like a curious Retriever whether you need extra hands or not (without being in the way, of course)

he has no idea where your confidence comes from when it comes to these types of things, but it's kinda... 😏

you finish the job in two hours, checking for any leaks after you turn the water back on and let the water flow through the pipes to clear the air in the lines

after this, he quickly adapts to you taking lead around the house with similar things

he's so used to being the leader/taking lead on so many things that it's so refreshing for him.

you're just the type to say "Hey, I've got it!" with no expectations

he's gonna find his ways of thanking you for the things you do btw

cooking you dinner, cleaning the entire house, buying you something you've been eyeing for forever.

also lives and breaths you cuddling him

back hugs, waking up to you pulling him back into your arms before you're both falling asleep again

this man is so content being little spoon if it means you're right there

Ten

totally into it!

I'd bet that this man goes full doting boyfriend

probably the most curious out of all the guys

would be super invested if you were an HVAC technician or something just because of how physically demanding the job is

asks you if he could tag along to work one day like an excited child

to which you tell him that it's not as exciting for him to watch considering most of the job is you crawling into tight spaces

like you'd literally be in some dusty attic, sweltering as you work

it happens anyways, because you find that your HVAC unit is outdated, so naturally, you choose to update it yourself

cue a sneaky head peeking around the corner every chance he gets because, contrary to what you had said, Ten is very entertained

the man has the biggest heart eyes for you through the entire process - which is roughly 6 hours

"your attention to detail is beyond admirable!"

"I'd say it's necessary when I'm working with electrical, Babe."

wants to learn how to do whatever it is you're working on

doesn't matter what it is you're doing

soaks up whatever you teach him

mans is a whole sponge istg

at the same time he's absolutely gonna tell you to keep being the boss-ass bitch that you are

WinWin

supportive but a lil insecure :(

like he loves you loads, supports you 100% in all that you do

but sometimes it'll make him feel like he's not doing enough in terms of your relationship

I don't see the insecurity coming from your confidence of taking on a more masculine role, but more out of worrying that his time is so limited with you and around the house so when he is home, he feels like it's not enough

feels like he shouldn't tell you at first

like it sounds a little like an excuse to be an ass

but eventually thinks it's the best thing for your relationship

y'all take communication so seriously so why start holding back over something like this

you're quick to reassure him that he does more than enough

like sir, sit down and kick your feet up, you literally do so much for me, I will write you a whole list rn

it works to a certain extent, so you offer him some options "to make up for it" cough I'll leave this up to interpretation💀

fair to say that all is better with a little communication

Xiaojun

I say this solely for his safety and benefit

do not, under any circumstances, let this man know you can do some of the things that you're capable of!!

boy is too petty and competitive to have this knowledge

I feel like he'd be the type to see you so confidently take care of yard work and the next week turns into a competition of who can complete said tasks better

he wouldn't do it to make you feel less than, or to put you in your place (as if you wouldn't set his ass straight)

he's just a little dramatic

a lil competitive

he loses almost every time 😔

either makes excuses for it ("I didn't know there were levels to the lawn mower", "the handle on my rake was broken") or stays quiet

will be whiny for a few days afterwards

you have no issue giving him something to whine about-

Hendery

full cheerleader mode!!

he literally grew up with three sisters, ain't no way he's gonna be against a strong and independent woman doing her thing

is the best assistant when you need an extra set of hands

literally the kid that holds dad's flashlight while dad fixes the car except you don't have to remind him to hold it steady

he's on top of it, baby 😎

mans takes this as seriously as performing open-heart surgery

I'm talking brows set in concentration and hands as steady as my granny threading a needle (that woman was so talented)

tools are in your hand before you've even finished telling him what you need

bro is just that good

loves helping you to the point that when you don't need his help, he's just a pouty boy in the corner

like Kun and Ten, he'll just watch and cheer you on in those instances

he is the ultimate ally

YangYang

I could see him drawn toward a woman who takes initiative in a relationship

probably finds it attractive as hell

at the same time, I could see him not caring much about traditional gender roles

sees it as a social construct that is meant to be broken

he digs how dynamic you can be in any situation, definitely!

that said, he is the reason you fix so many things 🧍🏻‍♀️

listen, him being your boyfriend does not guarantee your safety from The Menace™

feels bad about it sometimes

but like... you never complain

YangYang swears he's a magnet for finding patient people that can tolerate his antics

which is exactly why he's wrapped around your finger

MASTERLIST

[teddybeartoji]

MICKEY BEAR !!!

what was your first kiss like with toji and sukuna ? i was gonna ask something freaky but i’ll save it for another time

LANIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM ABOUT TEN MILLION BILLION YEARS LATE TO THIS BUT THEY JUST POPPED INTO MY HEAD AND NOW HERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OKAY SO . i'm giddy alreadyHGASGHDGADHGAGHS OKAY OKAY OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIJI FIRST EVER KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we never had any proper dates prior to dating so it happened very spontaneously. we were just having a good old movie night at my place (nobody is surprised), we were sitting on the couch - side to side, thigh to thigh with my head on his shoulder. but i just... well he looked very fucking good that night. he looks handsome every day but idk maybe i was ovulating or something i just could NOTTTT stop staring at him.

and so toji being toji, he tried to tease me for it, right? he made some stupid comment that i did not even hear bc i already knew i was going to go for it. i can be very impulsive sometimes and this was one of said times.

so i just went "can i kiss you?"

.

lani.. when i fucking tell you... he went so red in the face OHHHMY GODDDDDD i've never wanted a man as much as i wanted him in that very moment. i think i managed to catch him very off guard which i feel like is relatively hard to do and wahhhhhh it was very cute. big big man all flustered and shy because of meee:33333333

anyway he cleared his throat while not looking at me btw he tried to avert his gaze at all costs but well unfortunately for him i'm some kind of an eye-contact freak so i just kept on staring at him with hearts in my eyes lmao

but then ofc he folded. the kiss was very sweet. nothing like you'd expect. he does get a bit more timid when it comes to a person he really likes yk? and we just didn't want to rush anything so after the first few pecks, i did end up climbing onto his lap but it never went any further than that.

(we both wanted it to go further,, like he definitely went home with a raging boner)(maybe he jerked off in the car.....................)(okay no focus mickey)(anyway we again just didn't want to rush it at all so we forced ourselves to hold back a bit)

i've had to make all of the big first moves in this relationship hgsdhgahgdhgashgd WHICH I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH BTW bc he just needs a little push sometimes. at the beginning of the relationship he was just a bit more mmmm scared to go too far and scared to push me away so he just held back on everything. but when i started showing him the way and i started telling him how much i fucking like him then he started taking the lead more aswell. i love him lani i'm totally rambling idk if any of this makes any sense but i just need you to know that i love him okay he's very important to me

AND SUKUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he kisses me mid ramble😭😭😭😭 i think i might've seduced him with my loserness.. overall the setting is literally the same as it was with miji - we're just at my place, we're just having some takeout and we're bickering while lounging on the couch aaaand so i had been talking his ear off about this new film and i'm just yapping and yapping and i look over to him and he's just staring at me and i get nervous as fuck so now i'm there stumbling over my words and everything. he pokes fun at me for it but then just urges me to finish what i had to say .

and so i pushed up my glasses and started up again aaaand about a minute later he's kissing me and i'm just sitting there like O . O wiat . HE CAUGHT ME SOOOOOO OFFF GUARDD PLEASEEEE i got so red in the face he still teases me for it but let's just ignore that okay...

(is this how toji felt omfg...................)

he pulled away for a second and then we just . stared at each other for a few seconds before LUNGINGGGG at each other,, it was like something out of a movie i won't even lie it was very hot:333333333

everything escalated very fast from that point on lmao he's fucking insane i literally could not walk the next day ???? he thought that was very funny btw😒😒😒

(btw our first kiss song is kiss you all over by exile i cannot stop thinking about it i think it's so perfect for us)(this is like the background music for our little scene lmao)

ALL IN ALL I FUCKING ADORE BOTH OF THEM SOOOO SOOO MUCH AND I THINK FIRST KISSES ARE EVERYTHING!!!!! NO MATTER WHETHER THEY'RE MOVIE TYPE OF KISSES OR JUST PECKS OR MAYBE IT'S LIKE A BAD FIRST KISS IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S STILL SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love them sm talking abt this made me very very happy so thank you sm lani my angel:(((((((( i love you

[andypantsx3]

hi andie!

do u have any tips for corporate girlies? my friend is starting out in the corp world !! and got a lot of reality checks over how harsh and 'corporate' it is :((

Ohhhhh my god yeah corporate culture sucks!! It's just a bunch of adult babies using fancy words tbh lmao, acting like we're going to war and/or curing cancer when we're really just launching a product no one wants or needs lol.

Not sure what industry your friend is or what role she's in but here are some general tips, starting with practical project tips to more personal/sanity check tips lol.

Make sure you understand your organization's goals and success criteria. This is so basic but in order to understand what leadership cares about and how all the different project components fit in, you're going to want to learn what are all the active projects, who owns them, what success is being evaluated on, and how those performance indicators are being calculated. I work with some people who have no idea what is going on (which, fair) but it ends up creating a ton of churn and can look super bad for them if they are not in step with what our corporate overlords expect from them.

Clear communication is key. Never have I ever encountered more communication issues than working in corporate; people often have one image in their head of what a task looks like where their partner teams might have another, and if you don't outline all the key details together, you could end up delivering something unusable. If you're an individual contributor (aka a task doer), make sure you ask clarifying questions of the project leads if they haven't specified (like, what testing environment something needs to be deployed to, what are the release gating procedures, what is the expected timeline, etc). If you're a project manager, make sure you're clarifying those details with stakeholders and passing that information to your team; prompt your team to ask questions even if they seem clear, and make sure you get that info for them ASAP!!

Documentation is crucial. If you make an implementation decision, document it. If you have a delivery, document it. If you have a process for anything, make sure you document it. If you have a meeting, get those notes out. If you have an agreement with stakeholders, make sure you get it in writing and get them to sign off on it!! Information is key to helping other people understand what you are doing, why you are doing it, what the expectations were from other related parties when you started doing it, and how it can be improved if needed. If you're a project lead or manager, start a folder or repository somewhere for all project communications, keep all your emails & slacks with stakeholders (because they will come back being snotheads and you can politely whip out receipts). :3

Be proactive. Observe the kinds of questions leadership asks, understand their concerns & needs. Then proactively make sure you are addressing those things in your work and/or in your reporting. For example, if you're reporting on a release failure in a weekly business review, make sure you call out things like: 1) what you tried to do to prevent failure, 2) what the ultimate blockers or root causes of failure were, 3) what your learnings were from that failure, 4) what you are going to do to fix it, and 5) what the revised ETA is. That way, even though things didn't go your way, leadership understands you are on top of things and proactively working to solve problems.

Understand priorities & tradeoffs. There will come a time where you have conflicting demands on your time. Work with your manager or org leadership to understand what projects are higher priorities than others, and do not be afraid to escalate to your manager or above if progress is threatened or if you need to clarify. For example, Project A is high priority and Project B is medium priority, but the project manager from Project B is all up in your business asking you to deliver something or investigate something that you don't know if you have time for. Loop in your manager to determine if someone else can take Project B, or inform them that doing B will impose these anticipated risks to A; are they comfortable with that? Then you can circle back to Project B to deliver the news that you're working on A, your manager has suggested this revised timeline or other POC they can work with, and if they have concerns they can escalate. (Usually this shuts ppl up :3)

Improve processes. I cannot emphasize this enough but try to think about how to do things better the next time around, even if things went solidly to plan. Do not get defensive about your work or the quality of your work; always be thinking (or asking other people) about how time could be cut off of something, what processes could be put in place to minimize touchpoints or decrease risks. If you can, try to impose this mindset on your team & ask for project retrospectives, and take specific action items out of those retrospectives! Trust me it makes things so much clearer and easier in the long run if you work to make things better over time!!

Get a mentor. Find someone who has the job you want to have or who seems to know the things you want to know about and ask them to work with you on that! Tell them what your goal is, whether to develop a special skill set to move roles, or develop a specific understanding of a project or concept, and ask them to help you develop a plan to get there. Set up regular time together and goals to work towards in that time. This helps you learn things faster and gives you someone who can vouch for you when it comes time for yearly feedback, role changes, or promotions.

Create a personal portfolio. Keep track of all the things that you do; all the projects you are on, what your role is, what you were responsible for delivering, and what resources you created as part of that, whether it's project wikis, some script, etc. Keep your manager aware of it so they understand your value and have visibility on your work; you can leverage this when it comes time for role changes or promotions. Additionally try to make sure you're working on high viz or high value projects; this gives you even more leverage!!

Do not tie your self worth to your performance or your job title. At the end of the day capitalism sucks, corporations are evil, and none of this shit matters. Even if you don't do something well once, you can improve in the future, and even if your company doesn't see it/isn't a good match for your skills, you have value!!! They profit from keeping you underpaid, stressed out, and dejected, but you are not just a 'resource' or a cog in a machine. You are a person; you will make missteps from time to time but you bring more value to this planet and the people on it just by existing than these capitalist enterprises could ever. Do do not burn yourself out trying to please them, keep yourself open to other job options, and make sure you have a good friend/family support structure in place to reality check you!!

Idk how helpful this was but I hope there was a little something in there that your friend could use. If she has specific questions on anything I'm happy to help out too lol; that might give me more idea what specific aspect she is struggling with & how to help!

[fandomwritingbit]

Okay what about one where there reader is Michael's new (hot) art teacher and William is just "Michael you need to join the art club immediately" or "well I GUESS if the pta needs help with the spring art festival -"

Hello! This has too so long I'm sorry 😶 Uh I hope this is what kind of thing you were looking for, thank you so much for the request.

Side note it took me so long to figure out what pta was lmao

So,

art teacher (gn)reader x william afton (sfw)

"Well, I'm happy to let you know that Michael is doing really well in my class. He's an absolute pleasure to teach." You smile, looking from the father to the son. The resemblance was more than evident, but their attitudes were opposites, Michael sat as he always did, hunched forward, his hands twisted together, he was scarcely able to hold your eyes for more than a few seconds. His father though took up a lot of room in his chair, his posture reeking of easy confidence and he had no difficulty looking at you. It was moments like this that you could learn a lot about a student’s home life and it was abundantly clear that these two weren’t so close.

"But?" Mr Afton prompted, his tone jovial. He was beginning to understand why his son likes art so much. A lovely thing like you leading the class? Who could blame him? He'd expected some old lady wearing well too many scarfs, glasses on a pearled chain around her neck, not someone like you.

"But,” You can’t help but smile, heat rising to your cheeks, “as I'm sure you've learnt from his other teachers tonight, currently Michael might struggle to meet the entry requirements of universities." As you spoke, you had to work hard to keep your thoughts on track, this man was attractive in a way you didn't expect. He smirked when you paused, and you forced your gaze on Mike. "But as I said to Michael before, we've got plenty of options to boost grades."

Michael spoke up, "Need to join a club or something."

Nodding, you turn to explain why to Mr Afton. "Yeah, certain enrichments can be graded. I'm advocating the art club… He'd get the opportunity to make a portfolio, which Unis love, and I have no doubt he'd excel." The man before you looked bemused, his eyes flicking up from your lanyard to your eyes. 

"And, do you run the art club?"

You grin a little embarrassed, "Yeah, I do-"

The dad chuckles and looks to Mike offhandedly, "Then you should absolutely join." To which he rolls his eyes, partly at his father’s blatant flirting and at the lack of enthusiasm at joining your club.

Mike sighs, "Yeah okay, I'll go."

"Smashing. I'll put you on my register." You pull out the document from your lever-arch folder and quickly jot his name down. Whilst doing so, the man opposite you watches your left hand for a ring and on seeing there wasn't one, smirks from ear to ear.

Once done, you quickly put your hands out in an attempt to stop them from leaving, "Uh, before you go. I'm really sorry to ask, but we're holding an art festival next week and I'm struggling to find some help... would you be willing to lend a hand?'' You automatically feel guilty for asking. Doing so in person put a lot more pressure than a general email, but you were hoping to almost force him. Like you’d tried to with every other parent tonight. 

You catch Michael’s expression, you’d asked him the other day if he had anyone that would want to help out and he’d laughed a little, “Uh no, not really.” he’d said.  You do feel like you’ve gone behind his back a bit, but if you can’t get a few more pairs of hands this festival is going to fall on its arse.

He sat back in the chair, his feet poking out at your side of the desk, "A festival? What exactly would you have me doing?" 

You smile, pleasantly surprised that he was obliging you, "Mainly the setup, it's a lot of stuff to move out to the green. Though of course all-day help would be appreciated, I just don't want to push my luck."

"You already are," he smirks, "when is it?"

"Next Friday, the 19th." Your eyes go wide as you wait for his answer, all the other parents you’d asked tonight had told you that they were working on Friday, as people tend to do, and you have a feeling that he was about to say the same.

He hums, “Friday-” but is cut off by Michael, 

“You work Fridays.” he states, a harsh tone on the words, making you think that he really didn’t want his dad to help you out. 

Scoffing, he shoots his son a look, “Yeah I do.” Before turning his attention back to you, “But, I could skive it.” The expression on his face is hard to place, perhaps mischievous, or sly. Regardless, you panic slightly.

“Oh. No, you don’t have to do that, Mr Afton-”  

He puts his hand out to silence you and it works, you bite your tongue instantly, “I know, but I will. It’s not exactly like I help out frequently.” He’d decided already, either because his son was clearly desperate for him not to do so, or because he’d like to spend a bit of time with you. Let's face it, it was both. And so, you were left with little option but to graciously accept, and you thank him. 

As your student and his father leave, he shakes your hand. “Thank you, Mr Afton. You’ve really helped me out.” Both your hands encase his and it doesn’t occur to you that that is unusual until you do it, heat beneath your face. He flashes you a smirk that makes your blood ice, before nodding. 

“It’s fine really. Should be fun.” 

~

Friday was as manic as you had expected. The second you arrived at the college you were behind, the mass of stalls and pieces of art were absurd to move even with the three others you’d manage to recruit: the head of languages, Martin, a science teacher, Kris and of course, Mr Afton. Another parent was expected but dropped out last minute, adding to the workload. And the people in charge of the stalls and activities wouldn’t arrive until kick-off so to speak.

Surprisingly, Mr Afton was a godsend. Helping you drag the stall skeletons on to the field, well you dragged them, he rather easily picked them up, somehow managing the awkward height and weight without breaking a sweat. 

“Now, you’re just showing off, Mr Afton.” you giggle, trying not to look at the way his arms flexed whilst he carried the objects. You can’t really help it though and try to steal what glimpses you can as the two of you lug 12 stalls outside. If you’d have known he was doing the same you probably would’ve dropped everything and made a fool of yourself, so mercifully he’s much slier with his staring than you are.  

It’s only when you’re done with the moving, the two of you can start decorating, the other workers put on duty setting up the games, things like a ring toss and lucky-dip. You study him for a moment while he’s distracted tying the string of a line of bunting around a nail that probably shouldn’t be sticking out of the stalls, and good lord this man looks a lot like his son. Everything from the dark hair which probably wasn’t as neat as he’d left it this morning, to the shape of his brow, making his eyes look hooded and narrow. The difference was all attitude and experience. You have to glance away when you start thinking about his experience. 

“Ooh what are you looking at? Am I doing it wrong?” he asks, bringing heat to your cheeks at the knowledge that he’d just caught you staring for way too long. He turned his head, looking down the sting, checking to see it wasn’t coming undone or tangled. 

“No, sorry.” your smile hints at your embarrassment, “It just crossed my mind how much you look like your son, sorry.” God you hate the way you’re smiling just because he’s looking at you but it’s completely involuntary. 

He smirks at that, “Well, I am fairly certain I’m his father.” his tone was playful despite the nature of what he was joking about. “I take it you don’t have any kids?” 

“Uh no, no I don't. What gives that impression?” 

“You look well rested.” he walks over to you and crouches down to look in a box at your feet, “And you’re smiling too much.” 

You giggle, “I know.” You rub at your temples, “It’s a nervous thing.” The second you say that you question yourself why, what a weird thing- you feel so awkward. He’s just a man. An attractive man- yes. But just a tall… brooding… handsome… man. 

“And here I was thinking you were just enjoying my company.” he sniggers, bringing you out of your head, it’s been a long time since a bloke had made you all skittish like this. He properly faces you now, searching your eyes. “What’s making you nervous?”

You, you internally answer, quickly thinking of a more appropriate response, “Just uh today. I have a feeling it’s going to be an absolute nightmare.” You drop your eyes.

“I’m sure you’ll manage.”

You briefly rest a hand on your forehead. “Got no choice really.”

He moves to walk past you but pauses, standing half behind you. “Well, I can stay and help out. If it’s not me that’s making you nervous?” he smirks as he moves away, his voice teasing, riling up some butterflies in your stomach. 

~

He stays, and soon after the others arrive, students flogging their wares and local crafts aficionados, though you have them actually working, you don’t mind Mr Afton drifting around doing a bit here and there. As nice as you find him, he didn’t strike you as someone that would be happy to run a stall on his own. 

Once everything has settled down and the festival is running smoothly, you allow yourself a moment of a break. He finds you sitting on a bench just off the green. There he takes a seat beside you, digging in his pocket for a packet of cigs. 

“You can’t really smoke here, you know.” you laugh as he stops mid action, his lighter half raised.

He shrugs, reasoning “I’m outside.” resuming the act though now watching you for further reaction.

You fold your arms, a grin contradicting the seriousness. You’re well-aware that you weren’t going to stop him. “Still a college… I won’t tell on you though.” 

He chuckles as he takes a drag on it. This was like a flashback to his youth, so he plays his part, “Good. No one likes a sprag.” Man, it’s been a long time since you’ve heard that.

You try to steal a glance at his left hand, wanting to triple check that he wasn’t wearing a ring. Not that you would say or do anything, you just need to know. Not seeing a wedding band wasn’t enough though and the question dances around inside your head.

You finally bite the bullet and spit it out. “You’re not married then, Mr Afton?” you gesture to his hand, to give him context to how you arrived at that. You’d tried to sound like you were making small talk but it failed miserably. 

The mean laugh he lets slip is pure reflex. “No. Not anymore.”He wanted to tease you by asking why you wanted to know, but you’re already flustered and avoiding his direct gaze. 

“So you’re uh…?” you hesitate to finish the question, realising you were jumping to a conclusion. 

Thankfully he finishes it for you, “Divorced? Yeah.” He just loved how you smiled at him in relief there, the amusement evident on his face.

You try to explain why you fumbled that so badly, talking quickly, “Well. I didn't want to say divorced and get it wrong."

“In case…?”

God, your face is hot again, why can’t you just talk normal to this guy. “In case… you know… you were uh widowed or something.” 

“Or something?” he questions again, trying not to laugh at how you were stumbling. 

You put your head in your hands, laughing self-deprecatingly at yourself, “Leave me alone - I’m…” 

“Nervous?”

“A little yeah.” you speak, your face still obscured. “I mean you’ve come and sat with me. I’m just curious why.”  

You don’t need to look to feel the smirk on his face. “Maybe cos I wanted to.” You feel his movement on the bench and look up to catch his gaze, his head cocked to meet your eye line almost perfectly. “You’re pretty, you know. Even with your head in your hands.” 

Your eyes open wide at his bluntness as you try and think of something to say in response. You’re starting to see why Michael was so desperate to keep him away.

[stormblessed95]

Thank you so much for answering me Storm!

When I sent that ask I had just come from twitter where some ARMYs where claiming that dropping Muse and Who to support Yoongi is what Jimin would want, that his album has been out for a month already so it not a big deal to move on.

I saw you reblog that post about Jimin standing with Yoongi, along with not seeing you post much about the hate Jimin has been getting lately, and my frustration towards those that are dropping Jimin to support Yoongi may have been projected on to you.

I don't expect you to be a "content creator", I'm very grateful for the time and energy you give to answer our questions and make thoughtful posts about Jikook and BTS. I have seen you post asks with reporting links before, so I was under the assumption that was something you allowed on your blog (especially for serious issues). If that has changed (which is fine! some people want their blogs/accounts/fandom spaces to be free of reports and anti discussion), I'm sorry for not knowing or not remembering!

It was not at all my intention to victimize Jimin, as I said people have resorted to saying things like "Jimin would want us to do this" and thus using Jimin's loving friendship with Yoongi as a way to justify not supporting Jimin anymore (or as much).

I have noticed that you hadn't posted about Yoongi! I was actually wondering if you were doing alright seeing as he is also your bias. I had even wanted to ask you if you knew some good sources to get information on what was happening, because there was a lot of misinformation and I was genuinely scared for Yoongi.

Seeing as this was a misunderstanding on my part, I don't wish to unfollow you if that's okay? Chapter Two and this recent year has made finding actual ARMYs who support ALL SEVEN members hard. I'm sorry if my ask made you uncomfortable in any way, and again hope you and your loved ones are happy and healthy 💜💜

I know we are all under the assumptions at times that our personal moral panic is unique and unprecedented.... But I promise that it's not, and it's important to remember that too 💜

Like everyone else, I'm not really okay with seeing all the hate and slander that's been happening lately. I want to cry if I think about it too long or hard.

To make things a little more clear, if you send me "what are your thoughts on *insert essay length ask or paragraph length ask over hate x member is experiencing*" I probably won't answer it. I'm not sure what it is I'm expected to say in response? Yeah, it fucking sucks. And I can say "report and block silently, do not engage" until I'm blue in the face, but that's not what those asks actually want. They want my rage, for me to be emotional about it. I'm not inclined to perform that for anyone here. I follow my own advice.

Which leads me to, the asks I'll post are from reporting links. If you see hate, and you want to ask me to help spread the word to report and block an account or ask for help in the best way to go about reporting something, please send it in and I will post it and/or give advice over it. And that is what you've seen me post here before. That is how it will stay

As for following me or not, you do you boo. I'm not here for the numbers or the followers. I didn't ask for anyone to be here actually 😅 the fact that the follower count ever made it anywhere over 20 is something I'm baffled at constantly. I've been on Tumblr for years solely as a lurker lmao so I still sometimes don't know how I ended up here... I blame Jikook. 🙃😂

And honestly though. Thank you for coming back and walking your first statement back and apologizing. Almost no one here has ever really done that before, so it's greatly appreciated.

Have a good day 💜

[collapsedglasshouses]

An Angel for Noah || Noah Sebastian x OC [Part 5]

DIVIDER ART WORK BY @cafekitsune

MASTERPOST

PAIRING: Noah Sebastian x Jules [she/her]

SUMMARY: Noah can't get this girl from his dreams out of his thoughts and goes to extreme lengths to clear his head... With no success.

WARNINGS: alcohol consumption, reckless behavior, near-death experiences, emotional distress, ...

A/N: Hello! ♡ Here is the next chapter of An Angel For Noah and we finally have something to work with. I'm so excited for your reactions. Just to let you know, I almost broke my brain while writing this. Also thanks to my boyfriend for being my co-writer. Credit goes out to collapsedboyfriend or whatever lmao. Have fun reading this chapter and let me know your thoughts! ♡

TAGLIST: @trvshdxddy @blackveilomens @crimson-calligraphyx @measuredingold @cncohshit @signs-of-ill-portent

If you wanna be added to the taglist of this story, please DM me or let me know in the comments!

Keep in mind, this takes place in an alternative universe. Even though I write about real people, the way I write them has nothing to do with how they are in real life.

“Jules.”

Noah’s simple exclaim still lingered in her ears, even days later.

Her heart had sunk when she heard him audibly sigh out her name. Her mind instantly had started to race. Why did he say her name? What was going on?

It wasn’t like she hadn’t realised how shifty Noah had gotten over the past few weeks, it all coming to a peak when she saved him from almost crashing his car, but nothing that happened made her come to the conclusion why he would know her name.

When the tour had finally kicked off, Jules nerves were on edge. Noah on the other hand seemed to finally have some rest from his thoughts. There was hardly a moment where he could reflect on the strange events that had occurred in the days leading up to the tour.

What Jules didn’t expect, was, actually liking to be on the road. When she was still alive she had been a homebody. She had loved being alone and found it rather difficult to bear the idea of ​​being away for long periods of time. But watching Noah do what he loved had impacted her somehow.

He seemed to blossom more and more with each day leading up to the tour and Jules couldn’t help but adore it. It almost felt like his feelings were washing over her.

The morning of the first tour date had arrived. The whole crew already arrived yesterday, so they had the full day to prepare everything to their liking. Jules watched Noah as he was woken up by his phone ringing.

The small hotel they stayed in was far from luxurious but it did what it was supposed to and did not blow their budget.

"Yes?" Noah rasped into his phone and ran a hand through his hair. Jules slightly tilted her head and watched him stretch his neck. If she hadn't been in the midst of a full on crisis about him stuttering her name in his sleep, she would have addressed how she couldn't deny how attractive she found him certain things he did throughout the day. One of them being his morning stretches.

"Yes, I'm wide awake, Matt. In fact, I'm about to step out of my room and get a ride to the venue." Noah lied and set on the edge of his bed. Jules rolled her eyes at him while slightly smiling. He definitely had overslept but there wasn't anything she could do but watch him hectically start his day.

When he later arrived at the venue, he was greeted by his band mates and shortly after he was completely in his element.

Until late afternoon, Jules didn't leave his side. Even stopped him from hitting his head too hard for a couple of times. Even though she would consider that day as her first constantly stressful one since becoming his guardian angel, she also couldn't stop herself from smiling all the time, when she saw how happy Noah was.

Noah's band mates were a constant source of support. Jules observed their interactions, noting the unbreakable bond that had formed over countless tours and late-night jam sessions. Their music was their lifeline, and they embraced it with a fervor that had carried them through countless challenges.

As they gathered at early evening for the soundcheck, Jules overheard their animated conversations. Ruffilo, the bassist, couldn't contain his excitement. "This is it, guys! The start of the tour! Let's give 'em a show they won't forget!"

Jolly, the guitarist, added with a grin, "And let's party like rock stars afterward!"

The concert itself had been a whirlwind of energy and emotions. Jules had watched as Noah took the stage, his powerful voice resonating through the venue. The crowd's adoration was heartwarming, their voices merging with his like it was a match made in heaven.

As the final chords of the concert had echoed through the air, Jules had seen the sweat-soaked euphoria on Noah's face. The connection he forged with the audience was a testament to the raw power of his music, a force that transcended the boundaries of the stage.

Much to Jules' dismay, Noah had taken the "party like rock stars" statement, from Jolly earlier, a tad too serious.

Around two hours later the whole crew found themselves at a party in a nearby bar, celebrating another electrifying performance. The room was filled with loud laughter, music and the clinking of glasses.

Noah and the boys, still riding the high of the concert, were at the center of it all. Noah moved through the crowd with charisma and charm, the embodiment of the rock star lifestyle, trying to hide his insecurities. His deepest inner self wanted him to retreat to his hotel room, but knowing that this was not proper, he chose rather to drown his sorrows in alcohol, among the fans and partygoers. As the night wore on, he slowly but surely felt the effect of his drinks.

Normally he would already be fully into the party action with his thoughts, but this night was different. He kept catching himself thinking about this girl. The whole day he had pushed her out of his mind but now she was more present than before. Jules. His memories of that dream lingered at the edge of his consciousness, like a whisper in the dark.

His thoughts were abruptly interrupted when an attractive woman joined him. It wasn't long before Noah recognized her face as one of the girls from front row. In fact, the crew had become very careful about who they invited to the after show parties, but every now and then people, often times girls with clear intentions, would sneak in. None of the guys were the kind who slept with fans, but Noah still allowed himself to flirt with one or the other from time to time. So when the woman asked him to join her for a drink, he gladly accepted, trying to get Jules of his mind.

When they set down at the bar, his gaze wandered. He glanced around, seeing his band mates and crew immersed in their own celebrations. The weight of his fame, the constant adoration of fans, and the relentless tour schedule weighed on him, and right at this moment, the temptation to escape it all was irresistible.

Drinks started to flow freely, and Noah lost track of time, the moments slipping away in a haze of laughter and intoxication. But as the night deepened, so did the weight of his choices. The memory of the girl in his dream resurfaced, like a distant melody that tugged at his heart.

Suddenly he felt like he wasn't getting enough oxygen anymore. Absently, he excused himself from the woman's company, not even remembering her name, as he navigated his way through the crowd and out of the building.

He was a little dizzy when he finally breathed in some fresh air and only now did he realize how drunk he really was.

He needed to get to the hotel. When Jules saw him like that, her neck hair began to stand up. She felt like a predator carefully watching her prey as she followed the stumbling figure through the streets.

In his intoxicated state, Noah paid little attention to the world around him. As he stumbled along the dimly lit street, the traffic light ahead of him turned red. Oblivious to the rules of the road, he continued walking, the sound of his own footsteps drowned out by the sounds of the city at night.

Jules, on the other hand, saw it all unfold.

A car, its headlights glaring, raced toward Noah with terrifying speed.

Panic started to creep up her skin as she realized what disaster was about to happen. She had no time to think and with a burst of adrenaline, Jules materialized and began to run towards Noah. With full force she crashed into him and therefore got him out of the car's path.

A muffled thud was heard as the two fell to the concrete floor, Jules' arms wrapped tightly around Noah. Out of reflex she had closed her eyes and now she couldn't bear to open them, hearing Noah's heartbeat against her ear, while her ears were ringing from adrenaline.

Noah, on the other hand, felt the same way. His heart had never beaten as fast as it had right now. She had saved him. He would have run straight into a car, but the girl that clung to him like there was no tomorrow had saved him from his sure death.

As they lay sprawled on the pavement, Jules, her heart pounding, breathed a sigh of relief as tears streamed down her face. "Are you okay?" she asked, concern etched on her face. She hadn't even realised how she began to cry.

Noah's shock was deep as he stared at her, struggling to find his voice. Despite his near-death experience and the adrenaline rushing through his body, he suddenly felt this calmness coursing through his body, as if the world had paused in this extraordinary moment.

"Never do that again, I swear to god. I'll run you over myself." Jules admonished, her voice trembling with a mix of relief and anger, as she tried to contain her cries. The realisation that she was about to loose her person, made her weep with even more force.

Noah was far too perplexed to respond, his gaze locked on her face, unwilling to let go of the security that enveloped him, when he looked at her.

Eventually, Jules pulled herself away from him, helping Noah to his feet. "Are you hurt?" she inquired, her eyes still filled with concern and tears.

Noah stared into her eyes that looked so familiar and felt almost like home to him and than slowly began to shake his head, his mind a whirlwind of emotions. As he began to regain his composure, he whispered his gratitude and scanned his surroundings. The car was gone. "Thank you for..."

But when he turned back to Jules, she had vanished into the night, leaving him standing alone on the quiet street. His confusion deepened, and he couldn't shake the feeling that his life had taken a surreal and inexplicable turn.

As he continued on his way to the hotel, the events of that night haunted him. He didn't feel a drop of alcohol in his system anymore, his ears still slightly ringing from the adrenaline. The girl who had saved him felt strangely familiar, yet he couldn't place where he had seen her before. Doubt and uncertainty gnawed at him, and he couldn't shake his confusion.

When he finally reached his hotel room, it hit him. He knew why she felt so familiar.

"Jules." he breathed out again.

Jules had saved him.

PART SIX

[0skeleton-tears0]

Rosyln

[Jacob Black] X [Reader] 

One shot

Prompt: Unwilling Imprint, ANGST

Pronouns: I tried to be gender-neutral but I may have messed up a few times. 

TW: DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD AND GORE. Read at your discretion. A little bit of mommy issues lmao. (laughing through the pain rn) 

Notes: I don’t have the best grasp on what phones were like in the 2000’s so it’s probably inaccurate. Jake is fine y'all please don’t call paw patrol. JUSTICE FOR LEAH CLEARWATER. A little bit of simping for her because idc she's gorgeous and I love her. 

I realized that the timing for this is a little confusing, so its supposed to take place in like the middle of New Moon but I wrote that Seth and Leah had already shifted, which doesn't happen until eclipse so pls ignore that.

THE FUCKING TITLE HAS BEEN SPELLED WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME ITS ROSYLN NOT ROSLYN

꧂☾✮☽꧁

Jacob Black had made it clear he didn't want me in his life anymore. Those last words I had heard from him burned themselves into my memory, into my very skin.

"It wasn't supposed to be you." 

I cringed and tried to sink into the bed further, but the mattress wouldn’t let me in. My eyes traced the shapes in the popcorn ceiling of my room, and I tried desperately to think of anything else. Making shapes out of nothing—and stories to go with it. Yet my mind seemed to somehow circle back. Everything seemed to remind me of him. And the last time I saw him. 

The rain pounded against the steps of my front porch, drenching my clothes in muggy water. The deafening sound almost tore me away from the boy in front of me. But he wasn't the boy I knew before. He was taller, bigger, and much meaner. He said nothing for a moment, he just stared at me. I couldn’t read his expression—it was many things all at once. There seemed to be some sort of realization, then confusion, and then hatred. A burning hatred that made me want to shrink away from him. It made my skin crawl. I was suddenly very aware of the way my clothes now hung to my skin, the rainwater adding an extra pound or two.

He shook violently, his breath hitching. His eyes darted around like they were searching for something.

I hadn’t expected him to change so drastically in the two weeks I hadn’t seen him. His long, dark hair was cut short. His formerly lanky figure looked like that of a man twice his age. And his dark skin bore an intricate tattoo located on his right shoulder. It was the same tattoo Sam had. Sam, the man he apparently hated.

"It wasn't supposed to be you."

That was the last thing he said to me, before storming away. Into his truck, and out of my life. 

It hurt to think about it, I tried to convince myself that it was somehow my fault. That I had said or done something wrong. Something so vile that it would make him hate me enough to leave. But why would he be so angry with me? I had called him, I called Billy. I even tried calling Charlie. No one would give me a coherent answer. Charlie was the only one willing to give me anything. Saying something about how Jacob and Bella had gotten into a big fight, and she was receiving similar treatment. But to know that he had at least had contact with her while having ignored me completely. It stung. It made my skin crawl, and I felt a burning sense of rage. But it was overshadowed by guilt. Maybe it was my fault—or was it selfish to assume that everything in his life revolved around me?

I felt tempted to call Bella. It seemed like she knew the most about whatever had Jacob acting this way. I bit my lip, weighing my options. Bella and I were never close, I knew that Jacob liked her. Jacob liked her a lot—I bit my lip a little harder at that thought. I hated the way he would swoon whenever she breathed in his direction. How he would trip over his feet trying to please her. And yet he couldn’t take the hint that she didn’t want him. And she refused to let him go. Wrapping him around her finger and leading him on, only to pull back as soon as he got his hopes up. I stared at my phone, I had Bella’s number saved somewhere deep within my contacts. The last time I had actually used it was weeks ago when I tried to be friends with her—she had denied my advances of course. I reached for my phone hesitantly. My heartbeat quickened slightly. Would she even answer me? Was it rude to try and talk to her just so I could ask about Jacob? Especially while they were fighting? My finger hovered above the call button. I pressed it quickly, it was worth a shot. 

The phone rang for an uncomfortable amount of time, enough for me to start regretting my decision. But before I could chicken out and hang up, Bella answered. She didn’t sound too great. Her voice was slightly hoarse, and it wobbled a bit. It sounded like she was forcing the words out of her mouth.

“Hello?” She answered. It took me a second to remember what I had called her for, though I should have expected this from her. She was almost in the same situation I was in. Almost.

“Hey Bells,” I used the old nickname we had for her when we were kids. I hoped that the friendliness would maybe help convince her to spill the beans about Jacob. “I don't want to pry into your guys’ business, but what's going on with Jacob?” I tried to sound like I was just mildly curious, forcing the worry out of my tone. But I didn't have time to explain my reason for asking before she cut me off.

“He's just not feeling well.” She spoke fast, too fast for me to understand at first. The words jumbled and rushed, slowly connecting in my mind. Not feeling well? He seemed fine to me. 

“Oh,” That couldn't be all that was wrong. “Did he say if he was sick?” I questioned. I wanted to drag this conversation out. I wanted to pry as much information as I could from Bella. 

She paused on the other side of the phone—I desperately wanted to know what was going on inside her head, to hear what she was keeping from me. There was no way she didn't know more than what she was leading on. “Uh, he said it was Mono. Yeah, he got pretty bad Mono recently so you probably won't see him for a while.” She spit the words out fast. Stumbling over them like the way she stumbles through life. I knew for certain that he did not have Mono. That was the biggest load of shit I had heard since Jacob told me he “didn't have a crush on Bella”. People got Mono from kissing someone else with it, and I knew that Jacob wouldn’t have kissed anyone but Bella. And she was apparently Mono-free.

“Oh that’s awful, when did he get it?” I asked. I had no idea whether or not she knew about my recent encounter with Jacob. Only her answer would tell. 

She panicked for a second. “Um, I think it was three weeks ago. Yeah! Three weeks.” She sounded more sure of herself the second time she said it. Bingo. 

Bella had always been a bad liar. She’d stutter over her words more than usual, and she’d start to get antsy the longer the lie went on.

“Huh, well that really sucks. If you get a hold of him could you tell him I hope he feels better soon? I haven't been able to contact him.” I didn't plan on telling Bella about Jacob's midnight appearance. She didn't know, which meant she didn't need to know. 

“Yeah, I will.” She sounded eager to hang up, so I put her out of her misery. I tossed my phone back onto the bed. And began to calculate my next move.

Bella had no idea that I had seen Jacob, so she had no idea that I was certain he was not sick at all. Sick in the head maybe, but he seemed physically healthy to me. Jacob stood in the pouring rain with no problem, in a sleeveless shirt might I add. And showed no signs of any kind of sickness. From the sound of it, Bella knew he wasn't sick. It was painfully obvious that she was trying to cover for him. I had to come up with some plan of action. I needed Jacob to talk to me. It wasn’t fair that Bella was allowed to know everything while his “best friend” wasn’t. 

I inhaled deeply through my nose and exhaled from my mouth. This wasn’t going to be easy. I had no idea where he was, and I knew no one was going to tell me. I could beg Billy to tell me what was going on, he could only handle so much of my puppy-dog eyes before he cracked. I could march my way to Sam’s house and demand to know everything. Both plans of action sounded terrible. It felt selfish. I wasn’t really owed anything, it felt wrong to demand that they tell me their secrets. Maybe once I found out I’d wish that I’d left it alone. Stubborn as always, I decided that I was going to find out. You can’t just shut someone out for no reason and then be upset when they want to know why. 

I reached for the stale glass of water on my bedside table and knocked back a large gulp. I cringed at the funny taste. My thoughts flew a mile a minute. I came up with a new plan of action. I was going to go to Jacob’s house and wait for him there. He couldn’t stay away from his house forever and I was willing to wait as long as it took. He would talk to me, whether he liked it or not. 

I marched to the other side of my bedroom and rifled through my closet. I picked out the first outfit I found, and threw on a jacket. I snatched my keys and marched to my front door. I didn’t care who I had to ask, I would figure this out. There was no way Jacob was getting rid of me so easily. The puddles on the pavement splashed violently as I stomped through them, soaking through the crevices of my shoes and dampening my socks. But I was too preoccupied to care. The car door creaked from the force that I opened it with, I threw myself into the driver's seat and slammed it shut again. I flinched from the loud noise. I need to slow down a bit. I inhaled, closed my eyes, and relaxed my shoulders. I shouldn’t be driving in such a state. I pried my eyes open and started the car, reversing out of the driveway once I heard the roar of the engine. 

The long roads that led to the reservation were more familiar to me than the back of my hands. I had driven there so many times, for as long as I could remember. It hurt to think about every other time I had been here. When things weren’t so complicated. When it was Jake and me against the world. Without Bella. I bit the inside of my cheek, focusing on the pain from that instead of the tears threatening to spill. Breaking down crying while driving was not the best idea. I didn’t need to add a hospital visit and a wrecked car on top of all of the other shit going on in my life. I focused on my breathing, and not crashing the car. With every landmark, I knew I was getting closer. It wasn’t long before I was turning down the road that led to Jacob's house. A cozy, barn-esque house. Where I shared some of my most cherished memories. Though the memories were slightly bitter now. I parked the car in his driveway. Billy Black was sitting on the porch, his eyes bored into my very soul, and I fought the urge to avoid them. He huffed and wheeled himself back into the house.

I shoved myself out of the car and marched up to the front door. I pounded on the stable wood, he wouldn’t ignore me too. Billy swung the door open, looking frustrated and concerned. 

“He isn’t here [Y/N]. I’ll tell him you stopped by.” He turned to close the door again. It hurt to have Billy turn me away. I had never felt anything other than welcome in his home, but I was treated like a stranger now, he was treating me like a girl scout. I grabbed the door before it could close. 

“Then I’ll wait here for him,” I said in the sternest tone I could manage. It killed me to be rude to Billy. But I kept my guard up. I couldn’t show any sign that I would back down.

Billy sighed but made no move to let me in. He glanced behind him into the house, then back at me.

“I hate to do this to you kid, but you really can’t be here right now.” Billy looked me in the eyes again. His tone was stern but comforting. But I couldn’t give up so easily. 

“Why not? Why won't anybody tell me what’s going on?” I was more desperate this time, my faḉade dropping. It took everything in me not to start hysterically screaming.

Billy cringed, it hurt him to shut me out. He obviously knew what was going on with his son but something was stopping him from telling me. He looked up at me again, opening his mouth to speak. But his eyes caught something behind me, and he stopped. I turned around. A red truck pulled into the driveway. Jacob sat in the driver’s seat and huffed when he saw me. I looked next to him, of course, Bella was with him. She bit her lip, and blinked way too many times, looking between me and Jacob. He stepped out of the truck and walked to the other side to open Bella’s door for her. He was just pouring salt on the wound at this point. The pair walked toward me, I opened my mouth to yell at Jake, but he walked right past me, Bella in tow. Billy looked disappointed but said nothing. Bella looked back at me with a look that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. It almost looked like sympathy, but there was venom to it. Not quite a glare, but not friendly. I scoffed. Who does this girl think she is?

“Hey!” I shouted. Jacob paused, his shoulders tensed. But he didn’t turn around to look at me. “What is your problem?” I continued, “What am I not good enough for you anymore? Not cool enough to hang out with you and your new friends?” This went much more calmly in my head. A lot less accusingly. Jacob still refused to look at me. But Bella did. She walked toward me and put her hand on my shoulder.

“[Y/N] I really think you should leave.” Bella insisted, but I shoved her hand off of me. I was even more frustrated that she had the audacity to tell me what to do after she tried to lie to me earlier. 

“No! I’m not going anywhere ‘till he explains himself! He has no right to just cut me off.” I yelled, more at him than her. But she still flinched, and I felt a little bad. Jacob spun around now, jumping at the chance to protect Bella. He got in my face and pushed Bella behind him. 

“Don’t you dare yell at her.” He glared at me. He shoved me back a bit, the force almost sent me flying, but I held my ground. 

“I’m not yelling at her, I'm yelling at you, Jacob. Funny how you only speak to me when you want to protect her. And what the hell does “It wasn’t supposed to be you” mean?” I got right back in his face, confronting him about his last encounter with me. His eyes widened slightly, and he glanced back at Bella. She furrowed her brows and looked at him.

“Jake, what are they talking about?” She held onto Jacob’s shoulder and tried to turn him towards her. But he didn’t budge, only turning his head to look at her.

“Don’t worry about it, Bells.” The nickname made me want to barf. Wasn’t she dating that Cullen guy? Oh right. The Cullens had packed up and moved town a few months ago, the whole town had been so worried about Bella since she was so in love with Edward. I had felt bad for her too, her depressive episode was all too familiar to me. Though it seemed she had moved on and sunk her claws into Jacob now. Suddenly I wasn’t too sympathetic toward her. 

“He didn’t tell you?” If he wouldn’t, I would. “He showed up at my doorstep in the pouring rain and told me the most cryptic bullshit I’ve ever heard, before disappearing out of my life!” I shouted. It seemed I had called out to some weather god because a light rain began to fall on all of us. But no one made any move to take shelter. At least this was more dramatic now. 

Bella looked confused but didn’t press any further. Jacob turned to me again, he looked more frustrated than mad now.

“Look [Y/N], just go away. If I could tell you I would. But you shouldn’t be here right now.” Jacob started to shake, he wasn’t wearing that thick of clothing, so he was probably cold because of the rain. He turned to walk away again, but my hand shot out on its own to grab onto his shoulder. Woah. I was wrong, Jacob wasn’t cold at all. He was hot to the touch. It almost burned. 

“Holy shit!” I pulled my hand back, and he turned around frantically, my cry alerting him. “Jacob you’re burning up! I think you need to see a doctor or something.” I looked down at my hand, thankfully it wasn’t burned, only a slight red tint was left behind. Even though I was mad at him, I couldn’t help but worry. As much as I try, I’ll never be able to hate Jacob. I looked up at him, my ‘angry face’ was gone now, a look of worry taking its place. His eyes softened for a moment. His shoulders relaxed, before tensing back up again. His gaze hardened, and he huffed. 

“Go.” Was all he said, before turning again. He ushered Bella to follow him, leaving his arm around her shoulder. I stomped forward again and slammed my palm onto his shoulder. 

“Hey! I’m not leaving without an answer, Jacob Black. If you think you can get rid of me that easily you are stupidly mistaken.” I let out a sarcastic laugh at the end of my sentence. Nothing was funny about this but I couldn’t help myself. Jacob shook more, and his breathing sped up. He let go of Bella and looked at me.

“I am not going to tell you again [Y/N].” He emphasized each word, “Leave now, for your own good.” For my own good my ass.

“No Jacob, not until you tell me WHY.” I emphasized my words, mimicking his. He shook so hard I was afraid he would combust.

And then he did.

Within a split second, the sounds of clothes tearing filled my ears. And I felt something tear at my arm. I was flung back from the force of it, landing on the muddy ground. White hot pain shot through my entire right side. I felt something warm run down my arm, contrasting with the cold rain surrounding me. But my focus was still caught on what was in front of me. Jacob was gone, replaced with a reddish-brown wolf. It was the size of a horse. Way bigger than any normal wolf should be. My mind felt fried. This couldn’t be real. This had to be some horrible dream or some hallucination. But the pain in my arm told me that this was all too real.

 The wolf, presumably still Jacob, snarled and growled for a moment before its eyes caught sight of my arm. I looked down. I could barely see anything past the amount of red. It was my blood. The flesh was torn, ripped almost to shreds. Exposing the pink mussel beneath. I caught a small bit of white. Bone. My breath was rapid. The air entering my lungs burned, it felt like they were trying to rip open. I shook. It took everything not to start screaming. I was in shock. This couldn’t be real. 

I looked back up at the Jacob-wolf. His ears flew back, and he shook and backed away slightly. His brown eyes, eyes I knew too well, flickered between my face, and my arm. His tail tucked between his legs, and he ran. With incredible speed, he ran into the forest. My ears rang.

 All I could hear was the pounding of the rain and yelling. I heard yelling from all sides. A woman’s voice. And a few different male voices. I heard something thump on the ground across from me. But as my vision blurred, I was unable to make out what it was. Or, who it was. I felt something pull me from the mud. Two large hands grabbed me and held me tight. I was pulled into someone's arms, and I felt us move. The heat was almost unbearable. It was suffocating. I wanted to pull away. To be left on the ground. But I couldn’t pull together the strength to do anything. I felt oblivious to the world around me. Everything was blurry, and moving both too fast, and too slow all at once. I could make out only some of the words I heard around me. Most were panicking. But over all of that, I heard a calm voice yelling orders. I heard more clothes ripping, and two more giant figures ran into the woods. After Jacob. 

I heard that same voice from above me, it was calm and reassuring this time.

“Everything is going to be okay [Y/N], we're gonna get you some help” It was distinctly Sam. I knew that tone. It was paternal, it was gentle. But it felt so firm, so firm that I believed every word of it. I let myself relax. Black spots entered my vision, everything was blurry again, and then there was nothing. 

꧂☾✮☽꧁

The faint sound of beeping woke me, the shrill noise scraping against my ear canal.

I groaned. My everything hurt. I squeezed my eyes further shut, trying to block out the bright light that threatened to burn my retinas. 

My opened my eyes reluctantly as I heard footsteps come through the door. Sam’s large figure came through the doorway. He looked calm, but his brow was slightly furrowed. He opened his mouth to speak, before shutting it again. He looked down for a moment, almost like he was having a conversation I couldn’t hear. Sam inhaled deeply, before stepping towards me. His heavy footsteps resonated through the nearly silent room. The only other sounds were the beeping of the machines next to me. He stepped cautiously towards me, before sitting down in the chair next to my bed. I looked at him anxiously. I knew what was coming, but I didn’t know how. There was no way I could explain what I had seen without sounding insane, “Why yes doctor, my best friend turned into a wolf and mauled my arm. No biggie though.” I bit the inside of my cheek nervously, but Sam gave me a knowing look that calmed me slightly. His look told me he could understand the silent words I was trying to speak. 

“How are you feeling?” Sam’s commanding voice vibrated off the walls. I didn’t know how to answer, I assumed he was asking about my arm.

“Fine, the doctors gave me a bunch of meds to make it hurt less so I’m mostly just numb now-”

Sam raised his hand to stop me.

“No, no. How are you feeling.” He emphasized the word. He didn’t mean my arm. It was clear that he wasn’t going to try and cover up what I had seen. I knew there wasn’t much I could say to him. If anyone were to overhear me talking about my friend turning into a giant wolf and scratching my arm, they’d ship me off to the psych ward without a second thought. I bit the inside of my cheek. For a moment, I refused to meet Sam’s gaze. His eyes were intense—they always were. 

I tried to think of an answer for him. But I just couldn’t put what I wanted to say into words. He seemed to understand my frustration, and he sighed. 

“Look kid, I know that this is going to be hard to understand, but it's time you know the truth.”

I perked up at this. Finally, they were going to tell me what was going on. It only took a traumatizing and unexplainable experience, and my arm getting fucked up to make it happen. Worth it.

We sat there for what felt like hours, as he explained to me the deep, and extensive past of the Quileute tribe's history. How they could turn into wolves, and it was their duty to protect humans from vampires. He also told me about where Bella fit into all of this. The Cullen boy she was dating was part of a family of vampires. And, by proxy, she was now involved with the pack too. But everyone in the pack was sworn to secrecy. And that's why they couldn't tell me. Sam being the alpha made his word law. So they had no choice.

I felt guilt bubbling inside my chest, I was so mad at Jacob and the others for not telling me. But they couldn't whether they liked it or not. It felt like someone was grabbing at my heart and squeezing it. I felt so selfish, so arrogant. I demanded that they tell me everything, and then got myself hurt. I felt so bad. 

Sam gave me a sympathetic look, it was as if he understood without me having to speak a word.

“It’s not your fault. Besides, we would have had to tell you anyway.” I looked up at that. But he paused.

“Why?” I asked. It was hard to find the words I wanted to say. I felt like I had so many questions, but forming them together in a coherent manner was impossible. These drugs were fucking with my head. I noticed that the lights were a bit fuzzy now. 

Sam looked away and contemplated for a moment. But when he looked back, it was obvious he wasn't going to explain himself. Why does everyone have to be so cryptic all the time? 

“I think Jacob should tell you himself,” Sam spoke with finality. There was no wiggle room to try and pry anything out of him. 

I sighed. But I didn't try to push any further. I was exhausted. Taking in so much information was hard, especially while I was barely awake. Sam smiled at me and stood. He towered over my bed, making the giant machines look like children's toys. This explains why the Quileute men are all so big. 

“I'd better let you rest kid, just come to the reservation whenever you're ready.” He smiled and made his way out. 

I sunk back into the firm hospital bed. I ran through everything in my head again. Vampires? Werewolves? What other ghouls should I be worried about? Will I run into a troll the next time I cross a bridge? 

I couldn’t pull together the energy to really care at the moment, the only thing I cared about was going back to sleep. I glanced down at my bandaged arm, moving it slightly, and wincing. I sighed, and relaxed my whole body. I tried my best to ignore the beeping, and clamped my eyes shut. I shifted slightly, and felt a jolt go through my entire right side. I grumbled and settled back down, being more weary of my arm this time. I rolled my eyes, this was going to be a long recovery. 

꧂☾✮☽꧁

It took a week before they let me out of the hospital. But the stitches in my arm would take way longer to come out. And I wouldn't even be fully healed for a few months. 

They gave me fresh clothes since mine were basically ruined. I had to wear a shirt that was way too big for me, and shorts that went down to my calves. My socks were a bright yellow, and the worst texture I’ve ever felt, with grips on the bottoms. This sucked. Stupid Jacob. Stupid wolves. Stupid me. 

My mother helped me to the car, but I nudged her away slightly. My arm was hurt not my legs, I could still walk on my own. I half-expected her to try and carry me to the car.

I wasn't allowed to drive while my arm healed, obviously. But at least I got time off of school, and off work. At least one good thing could come out of this mess.

But having so much time on my hands gave me too much time to think. And of course, my mind went to every bad scenario that could happen.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   I didn’t know how I was going to be able to face Bella. She had seen everything. But I couldn’t really find it within myself to hate her any less. Hate feels like a strong word, but I can’t think of any other word to describe the way I feel about her. It felt like she had ripped my best friend away from me, and left a gaping, burning hole behind. But was it entirely her fault? He chose to leave me, for her. But at the same time, she didn’t make any move to stop him. I sighed. Obsessing over it wouldn’t change anything. My mom glanced at me from the driver's seat. I could see her reflection through the window, as I stared at the beautiful scenery. The rain cast a thick fog across the forest, giving a gray tint to the world around it. My mom's eyes scanned my face, before quickly bouncing back to the road. 

“What’s wrong honey?” 

I didn’t know how to answer that. So many things were wrong. Jake was gone, my arm is fucked, and I’m way behind on my homework. What was I supposed to tell her?

I sighed, “I just… I just miss Jake.” That felt right. It was the truth, but not in its entirety. 

She grimaced, “I know sweetie, but… when people get older, they tend to drift apart. Maybe it’s just time to let Jacob go. Maybe make some new friends?” She always got over things quicker than I did.

“No. He’s my best friend. I can’t lose him.” But what would I do if I did? It was entirely possible now. He had his new wolf friends and… Bella. A shiver of anger rushed through me at the thought of her. 

“I know it’s hard but-”

“No! I-” I cleared my throat. I didn’t mean to yell at her. “No, I- I won’t lose him.” 

She didn’t respond, she continued to stare at the road ahead. The large pine trees cast a thick canopy above us, rainwater pouring through the gaps in the branches. I sighed and tried to relax. All this stress was bad for my health. I didn’t need to have a full breakdown and end up back in the hospital. 

  The pine trees gave way to a small path on the side of the road. I caught a glimpse of brown fur vanishing into the foliage. I gasped lightly, which alerted my mother.

“What’s wrong? Did you hurt your arm? You’ve got to be careful with those stitches in! And how did you even-” I cut her off before she could start ranting.

“No, no everything’s fine I just thought I saw something in the forest. Like a bear or something.”

Smooth [Y/N].

She looked hesitant, I couldn’t tell if she believed me, but I prayed she wouldn’t push me. I guess lady luck finally decided to cut me a break because my mom sighed and focused on the road again. I wanted to yell for her to stop the car. I wanted to jump out and chase after him. I didn’t care if I was injured, or if I could get lost in the forest. I wanted nothing more than to just at least talk to him. But after… the incident… would he even want to see me? I held back a sob. 

As soon as we pulled into the driveway, I shoved myself out of the car. I needed to be alone for a bit. My mom waited a bit to get out, trailing behind me a few steps. I stood on the porch, waiting for her to unlock the door. 

  Memories flashed at me in waves. Pieces from my childhood, when Jacob and I would play in the grass, or draw in the driveway with our chalk. When Jacob would pull in with that loud ass truck after school to complain about all the homework he had. And when he struck the final nail into the coffin that was now our relationship. I cringed. Everything would remind me of him now. Ghosts of my past would haunt the hallway. Phantoms of what I had lost. My mother didn’t bother to hide her concern. I’m sure I looked like a mess right now. My hair was unkempt, my eyes dark and sunken in, and my skin drained of its warmth. I felt like a shell of my former self. A ghost walking amongst the living, trying to blend in. I sniffled and shook it off. I didn’t need to scream my anguish to the world. As far as they were concerned, everything was fine and dandy. I let myself in as soon as the door opened, and made a bee-line for my bedroom. I ignored the memories, and my mother when I was asked what I wanted for dinner. I let my legs give out and fell onto my bed. Just inches away from crushing my arm. I sighed, and ran my good hand over my face, trying to wipe the stress away. 

  I had no idea how long I lay there. Staring at the ceiling, without even bothering to make shapes in it this time. My phone rang, and my computer pinged. But I made no move to check either. Nothing went through my mind. It felt like time was moving at breakneck speed, and I was stuck. Unmoving. I was catatonic. I felt myself going through my nightly routine, showering, brushing my teeth, and taming my hair. But none of it registered. Like an automated machine. I was on autopilot. When I lay back down, I hoped to just pass out immediately. I should be exhausted. And I should be happy to be able to sleep in something other than a hospital bed.  But I felt nothing. Something was missing and I knew it. 

  But minute after minute of laying there, I felt myself start to drift off. Maybe when I woke up, everything would have fixed itself. 

꧂☾✮☽꧁

I was running. Branches and bushes whipped around me, scratching at my arms and face. They caught onto my clothes as if they were trying to slow me down. But my feet carried me through the thick forest. I heard howling, and the sound of something running. But they didn’t stop me. I had to keep going. But what was I running towards? I didn’t stop to think, I kept moving. But I was quickly halted, as a huge, black wolf appeared from the trees in front of me. I stopped as fast as possible, losing my footing and sending myself onto the hard ground. I scrambled back to my feet quickly, without taking my eyes off the wolf. It was as big as Jacob was when he turned into a wolf. More wolves emerged from the forest surrounding me. I could see now that I was in a small clearing, only a few feet big. I turned around, ready to make a run for it. But as I did, I came face to face with a brown wolf. This one was closer than the others. And its eyes bore into mine, nothing was threatening about this wolf. It took a tentative step towards me, and I stepped back. It bowed its head and continued to approach me. But before I could move, its head snapped back up. It growled and snarled. The wolf took a step back. It wasn’t looking at me anymore, but something behind me. I didn’t have time to look before the wolf pounced. Jumping high above me. I screamed and ducked. And then, I was in my room. 

  I sat up in my bed, panting and sweating. My heart was beating so fast, I feared it would fly out of my mouth. I tried to slow my breathing, I wasn’t in the forest anymore. I was home. I was safe. It was a dream. A really weird dream. I fell back into my bed. 

It was clear to me now that the brown wolf in my dream was Jacob. The reddish-brown fur, and the deep brown eyes I had known my whole life. But what did it mean? What was behind me? Why did he attack? Maybe it was just a weird dream, maybe it had no meaning. I assumed that the first wolf was Sam, it seemed a tad bit bigger than the others, and it just felt like it commanded authority. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I rolled over to my bedside table and grabbed at my phone, eventually, my hand made contact, and I turned it towards my face. I recoiled from the intensity of the phone's light, my eyes having been adjusted to the dark. I squinted, 2:45 a.m. Great. It’s not like I was going to school in the morning, not while I was healing. So I could just go back to sleep. But what if I had another weird dream? I could only handle so much weirdness at a time. 

  The door to my room slammed open, and I flinched at the sudden sound. My mother stood in the doorway, still clad in her nightclothes. She looked frantic, and her eyes studied me. 

“What happened?! I heard you scream!” My mother yelled, breathless. I guess when I screamed in my nightmare, I must have actually screamed. That was kind of embarrassing. 

“Oh sorry. I had a nightmare.” I looked at my hands, they were shaking still. My mother sighed a breath of relief, but when she looked back at me, she was concerned. 

“Honey, what’s wrong? You still won't tell me why you were in the hospital, and now you’re having night terrors? Why can’t you just tell me?” Her voice started to waver, I knew I was hurting her by not telling her.

  It pained her to see me like this, but since she didn’t even know what was wrong, she was unable to help me. I felt so bad. But I knew I couldn’t tell her, Sam had sworn me to secrecy, and I wouldn’t betray his trust. Or the pack. 

  I didn’t really know the boys too well, of course, I knew Embry and Quil, as they were Jacob's other best friends—I didn’t know if I was even considered his best friend anymore, it felt weird to call myself that. After… everything. So of course I knew them well enough. But after the whole shift, and then Bella's situation. We grew apart. 

  I blinked, snapping myself back to the present. I think I just made mom more concerned. 

“It was a dog. I saw some stray dog and I was gonna give it some food, but it attacked me.” I lied, I had to make it up on the spot. She didn’t look convinced, but I’m sure I looked rough enough for her to leave it be. She sighed, and gently grabbed the door handle, contrasting to how she had slammed it just a few minutes before. She glanced at me, before shaking her head and leaving. I sighed, relaxing my shoulders and flopping onto my bed. I thought back to the pack. So many of them were so young, too young to be fighting vampires. I thought back to Embry and Quil. Quil still hadn’t shifted, but Sam told me that they knew he would soon. I thought about how much Embry had changed. I didn’t even really talk to him anymore, but any time I saw him he just seemed different. I glanced at my phone. I probably still had his number somewhere. Maybe I should call? I still had plenty more questions about the pack. Why did they cut their hair off? Why did they go through a growth spurt that drastic? Why was Jacob so mean now? I held my phone in my hand and hovered over the call button. 

“Hello?” Embry’s distinct voice echoed through the silent room. I almost forgot what I was going to say, he was still so different, but he sounded the same as he did before shifting. Into a werewolf. The word felt wrong. Like it wasn’t the right way to describe them. 

“Uh hey, Embry. I’m sorry did I wake you up?” I tried not to stutter over my words. I had completely forgotten what time it was. I felt bad for waking him.

“Oh hey [Y/N], no it’s fine I wasn’t asleep yet.” Embry’s voice picked up in volume. The tired tone from his voice had vanished, leaving the excited boy I was familiar with. 

“I uh, just wanted to ask you a few questions.” It wasn’t like that’s the only reason I called, but it must have sounded like it. Because Embry sounded upset like he audibly deflated. 

“Oh, yeah. Of course, uh go ahead.” His enthusiasm from before was lost. 

“No! No! I wanted to talk to you too, I didn’t just call for that. It’s just that since I know about you guys now, I can really talk to you again.” I reassured him.

I could hear him perk up at that. “Oh! Of course! Well uh, what’d you wanna know?” 

We talked for a long time, and he told me a lot more about the Quiluete boys. How their hair translated to how long their fur was, which seemed stupid to me. That their bodies had to rapidly grow to accommodate their new wolf abilities. But when I got to my third question, Embry stopped. He didn’t answer when I called his name. But in a few seconds, he shook out of it.

“Oh uh, well, Jake’s been going through a lot more hormones than the rest of us, and he… He uhm…” He stuttered over his words, it was painfully obvious that there was something he wanted to tell me. But something was stopping him. I’m getting pretty sick of people being all cryptic and keeping shit from me. “He’s just, well… I don’t think I should be the one to tell you.” I was quickly reminded of my conversation with Sam in the hospital. 

“So who should I ask?” I was getting frustrated at this point, but I didn’t let it show through my tone. After all, it wasn’t Embry that I was upset with. 

“I think you know the answer to that [Y/N].” Embry finished. Before I could say anything in retaliation, he said a quick goodbye and hung up the phone. I glared at my phone as it flashed CALL ENDED across the screen. I resisted the urge to chuck my phone across the room in anger. Breaking your phone is counter-productive [Y/N]. I went back to my contacts, gazing at one familiar number. I shouldn’t call him so late.

Waiting overnight and thinking about what to say is probably the smart decision. But I didn't doubt that he would ignore my call anyways. At this point he probably had me blocked. I didn’t know if I should be mad at him for that or not. I was calling excessively, and that was bound to get annoying at some point. I thought about going back to his house, and waiting there for him to show up. But that didn’t go too well last time. But if I was calmer this time? My thoughts trailed off. I thought about every scenario possible. I thought about every possible way he could try and dodge my advances, and I thought of ways to make sure that he couldn’t run away from me. I don’t know when I managed to fall back asleep, but sooner than I thought I had drifted away. I was ready to face my problems. Tomorrow. 

꧂☾✮☽꧁

“Come on, get your lazy butt up.” My mother barged into my room, ripping the blanket off of me and shaking my shoulders. I winced from the cold air hitting my newly exposed skin and tried to pry it away from her. “Wake up, you have a visitor.” That woke me up. My thoughts raced, was it Jake? Embry? Bella…

 I heard a voice from the other room, “It’s okay Ms. (L/N), I could just come back later.” 

Bella. 

I sighed, slumping back down into my bed. I let my entire body go limp, hoping that I could somehow mold into the mattress and avoid all of my problems. But unfortunately, reality came like a harsh slap to the face.

“No, it’s fine hun! I’ll have them up in just a minute!” My mother called back, making a promise that I really didn’t want to keep. 

I groaned into the pillow. My mother grabbed my shoulders again and started to pull. After a couple of seconds of pulling and tugging, I gave up and sat up fully. 

“There you go. Now get dressed, we’ll be waiting in the living room.” My mother chirped and flitted to the doorway. “And fix your hair. You look like a mess.” She threw out one last comment on my appearance, shutting the door before I could respond. I sighed, did she expect me to wake up with perfect hair?

I shook off the last of my blankets and forced myself out of bed. I stumbled a bit, letting my legs get used to the feeling of walking again. I dragged myself around my room, grabbing whatever clothes I could find. To be honest, I was tempted to go out in my pajamas, was Bella really worth the trouble of getting dressed? I contemplated it for a minute, but I knew my mother would chew me out as soon as I stepped out of the door. I got dressed sloppily, not caring if I looked presentable or not. I ran my fingers through my hair, taming it as much as I could. I tied it back, hiding most of the mess. I didn’t bother with shoes. 

I carefully opened the door, trying to refrain from making too much noise. I slowly shut the door and made my way down the hall on light feet. I rounded the corner into the living room, my mother's back was turned, but I had a clear view of Bella. She didn’t look too much better than me, but it was clear she had at least tried to hide it. Her hair was tied back, but the chunks that framed her face had escaped. Her eyes were dark, with deep bags hanging underneath. Her clothes were too big for her, hanging off of her small frame. I felt big just standing next to her. I felt like if I walked by her too fast she’d crumble. Her emotional state didn’t seem much better either. A small frown permanently occupied her light pink lips. Her eyebrows perpetually furrowed. I almost felt sorry for her. 

It only took a moment for her to notice my presence, she looked up and gave a half-assed smile. I formed my lips into a tight line, I could be civil. But she was on my turf. It’s free range here. I smiled a little more at that thought. I made my way to the couch where my mother was sitting and plopped myself next to her. 

She pushed me away slightly, “You’re sitting too close.” She murmured.

 I made a show of scooting to the other end of the couch, exaggerating my movements as much as possible. She scoffed and looked back to Bella. Her expression brightened drastically as she looked at the girl across from us. Way to make it subtle Mom. 

“So what brings you here Bella?” My mother chirped, she took a sip from her mug without breaking eye contact. Bella squirmed under my mother's intense gaze, fidgeting with her fingers and the hem of her jacket. 

“Oh uh, I hope it’s not too much trouble but I’d really like to talk to [Y/N] alone.” She stuttered. She avoided eye contact with me entirely. I hoped that I was intimidating her. 

My mother deflated as if she was hoping that Bella was here for her. No doubt I would get a lecture later, ‘You should be more like Bella! She’s so much better than you in every way blah blah blah’ etcetera etcetera. I rolled my eyes and shifted around. 

My mother straightened again and smiled at Bella. “Oh of course honey! Why don’t you two go to [Y/N]’s room?” I snapped my head toward her, my room? It felt wrong to let Bella in there. As if she was trespassing into my domain like she was tainting my sacred grounds. I huffed, and my mother shot me a deadly glare. I winced and lowered my gaze. I held back a sigh as I pushed myself off the couch, gesturing for Bella to follow me. As soon as my back was turned, I grimaced. She shuffled behind me, watching her every step. Like she was afraid she’s break something if she stepped on the wrong floorboard. I rolled my eyes, knowing damn well I was the same way. 

I shoved my door open and waved my arm in front of me in a ‘ladies first’ motion. She gave an awkward smile and walked in. When she was far enough into the room I walked in after her, shutting the door behind me. Every inch of my body was screaming. Screeching for me to shove her out, to get her out of my room. My brain itched and scratched, I wanted nothing more than to scream at her to leave. I smiled, at her and gestured toward the unmade bed. 

“You can sit down.” I tried not to sound upset about it. Her sitting on my bed. 

She glanced at the bed and hesitated. But she didn’t sit down. She continued to stand in the middle of the room. She bit her lip and blinked too many times. 

“Oh, it won't take that long.” She started, “I just… wanted to talk to you about what-” she paused, “What happened.” I knew exactly what she was talking about. And I grimaced, taking a look at my arm. I chewed the inside of my mouth, debating my response. 

“Oh yeah… That.” Wow. Absolutely amazing. 10/10 conversational skills [Y/N]. 

It was silent. Neither of us dared to say anything. Bella opened her mouth for a moment, presumably to say something, but she closed it just as quickly. I shuffled my feet, taking notice of the fact that I wasn’t wearing any socks. Kind of weird to have my feet out right now. 

“It’s fine.” I blurted. “My arm I mean, it’s healing all right.” I clarified. 

“That’s good. It was uh, pretty bad…” She trailed off, grimacing as she remembered that night. I thought about it too.

I felt tingles run down my arm as my skin remembered the feeling. The feeling of being torn open, the warm blood coating my skin and clothes. Lying on the wet ground with my former friend in front of me. My stomach lurched, and I resisted the urge to double over and empty my guts on Bella’s shoes. I shook my head, shaking the thought away. 

“Yeah. But I’m getting better so.” I gave an awkward confirmation, was this all she came for? She could have just called or something. 

“Um, [Y/N]... I dont mean to pry but…” Oh god, here we go.

“How are things with you and Jacob.” She asked shyly, shuffling her feet and picking at her fingernails. 

I knew this question was coming. I guess it was only fair she wanted to know, but something in my gut told me that it wasn’t just innocent curiosity. I sighed, thinking about my answer for a moment. 

“We haven’t spoken since then.” Putting it bluntly seemed like the best idea. I didn’t know if there was a way to sugarcoat it, but I didn’t bother to try anyways. Bella tried and failed, to hide her excitement. I guessed that was the answer she was hoping for. She tried her best to hide the way her back straightened, and her eyes lit up. But as always, Bella was a shit liar. 

I gave an awkward smile. 

“It’s fine though, I think it’s best to just give him some time before I reach out again.” I ignored the shiver that ran down my spine. I tried to ignore the way that she deflated a little. Maybe she was hoping that I would never speak to him again. She smiled and took one last look at me. Before she politely excused herself. Hopefully to leave my house altogether. As soon as the door was closed, I breathed a sigh of relief. And let myself fall back onto my bed, being careful not to land on my arm this time. I stared at the ceiling. I find myself in this position a lot huh? Whatever. Going back to sleep sounded really good. 

꧂☾✮☽꧁

I was only aware of the events that took place in the next few days secondhand. And surprisingly, I made a new friend. 

As usual, the sky was covered in a thick layer of clouds, creating a blanket over the trees. And the air was moist with the promise of rain. I walked briskly, I was completely out of snacks and that would just not fly. What was I supposed to eat? Real food? Absolutely not. 

The posters covering the walls of my favorite convenience store brought a smile to my face. The door opened with a loud ding, alerting my presence to the man behind the counter. A sweet old man smiled at me through bushy eyebrows. His big handlebar mustache moved up with his smile. 

“Hey, Mr. Barker!” I chirped, making a beeline for the snack aisle. As expected, it was recently stocked, and colorful plastic littered the shelves, drawing me in. What I wasn’t expecting, was Leah Clearwater standing in the middle of the small space. Right in front of my favorite chips. I paused, not wanting to alert her. I didn’t feel like getting on her bad side and getting my head bitten off today. But, as if she could sense me, her head turned quickly. Her beautiful dark hair was cut short, as were her sleeves and shorts. Her russet skin bore the same tattoo Jacob had. I had heard of her shifting recently, and of her father's death. I tried not to let the wave of pity I felt show on my face. I avoided her cold gaze and pretended to check out the other snacks. I would have to wait until she’d moved. 

After a few seconds, a hand made its way into my view, holding my favorite kind of chips. I followed the arm upwards until I found the face of the owner. Leah held her hand out, without making eye contact.

“Here, you like these right?” Her voice was assertive like she wasn’t asking me. She was telling me. 

I’m sure I looked really confused because my silence made her turn to look at me. 

“Pack mind-reading. Jacob doesn’t keep much to himself.” She explained. I grimaced.

I was trying not to think about him. She must have noticed because her lips turned up just slightly.

“He still hasn’t told you huh?” She teased, but I could hear underlying sarcasm in her tone. She sounded upset about it. 

“Oh god,” I rolled my eyes, “Not you too.” I groaned. 

It took me a second to realize what I had said. And I slapped my hands over my mouth. I snatched the chips out of her hand and started to speed walk out of the aisle. But, to my surprise, Leah laughed. Not like the sarcastic one before, this one sounded genuine. It was a quiet, small laugh. 

“I know what you mean kid,” I’m pretty sure I’m older than her. “I felt that way before I joined the pack.” She opened her mouth to say more but stopped herself. She peeked her head around the aisle to look at the old man behind the counter, and the various other shoppers. Mr. Barker was blissfully unaware of us, too occupied with his game of solitaire. She turned back to me and grinned for a split second, it threw me off for a second. 

“Do you wanna talk about this at my house?” She gestured behind her with her thumb. Her face was unreadable again.

Oh. 

OH.

I felt my heartbeat speed up, just a little. A pretty girl just invited me to her house. What do I do?! I felt my brain moving at lightning speed, trying to come up with a response that didn’t make me sound like a total dork. I prayed that I wasn’t sweating. 

“Uh, sure!” I beamed. Nailed it. 

She gave a small—noticeably strained— smile, I was sure that she saw through me without any trouble. But to be fair, she’s very intimidating. I mean, she could tear me in half like wet paper—the same went for all of the pack to be honest— and she’d look pretty doing it. I cleared my throat and tucked the chips under my arm. Being careful not to crush them. We went to pay for our stuff quickly, I’m sure the old man could sense my internal panic because he sent me the most heartwarming smile. Stupid old man and his silly mustache. I smiled back of course, before hurrying to meet Leah at the door. 

She opened the door, stepping out into the cool air. The rain must have started when I went inside, it wasn’t pouring thankfully. I watched as Leah stepped out into the cold rain with no trouble as if it didn’t even phase her.

I suppressed a gasp as I watched, the water was evaporating as soon as it touched her skin, coming off as mist. 

Incredible. 

I guess I hadn’t paid much attention to how warm all the members of the pack were. Thinking back on it, I’m pretty sure Jacob did the same thing in the rain. The water had evaporated from his skin as soon as it had touched him. I hadn’t processed it then, with my mind being so preoccupied, I thought I was just seeing things. 

I pried my eyes away from Leah. It was rude to stare. But as soon as I did, she laughed quietly to herself, before leading the way to her house. I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought. 

The walk to her house was quiet, with nothing but the rain and the sound of cars filling the air. It was hard for me to tell if the silence was awkward or not. I couldn’t see her expression, as she was a few paces in front of me. Damn, she walked fast. She didn’t say anything for the duration of the walk, but thankfully it was short. We made our way up to the front door, she unlocked it quickly. It took a harsh shove for the door to open, it creaked loudly in protest. Leah groaned and held the door open for me. Waving her arm as a gesture for me to go in. 

I was getting a lot of deja-vu from when Bella came over. I’m pretty sure I did the same thing. And just like Bella, I sheepishly made my way into the home. Taking in as much as I could, I watched my every step. Leah walked past me, and I followed her instinctively. 

She led me to the living room, I repressed a sigh of relief. I didn’t know if I was ready to go into her room. That felt a little too personal. She gestured for me to take a spot on the couch next to her. I carefully sat down, feeling the couch creak a bit. She sighed, before turning to make eye contact with me. I resisted the urge to shy away from her intense gaze.

“So, Jake still hasn’t told you huh?” Leah started, “I guess it makes sense since he’s still got that obsession with the leech-lover.” Her tone was malicious, she didn’t try to hide her disdain for Jacob, and whoever the “leech-lover” was. 

“Leech-lover?” I questioned, why would someone like leeches?

She paused and looked back at me. A sense of realization crossed her features, and she grinned. 

“Bella, the vampire girl.” She explained. I nodded my head, humming in affirmation. I had almost forgotten about the fact that vampires existed too. And that Bella used to date one. 

Wait. Vampires. Does that? Mean what I think?

“Wait, the Cullens were vampires. Did they… eat people?” My voice wavered at the thought, were they responsible for the unexplainable deaths in the area? How many people of Forks had they eaten?

Leah noticed my concern and shook her head. 

“No, the Cullens were… vegetarians. They ate animals instead.” She said that like she didn’t believe it, as if it were blasphemy. 

“Oh. Okay, that’s a relief.” I sighed, “So there aren’t vampires running ramped through the streets anymore?” I giggled. Leah’s eyes darted away from mine. Oh god.

“Well, not the streets.” She sounded very reluctant to say that. I felt the color drain from my face, my eyes widened, and my breath hitched. There were still vampires? That wasn't the Cullens. They weren’t vegetarian. Leah saw my face and quickly retracted her statement. “No! No! It’s just one and we’ve got her under control.” 

“Under control? So what you’ve got her like locked in your basement or something?” I barked out a strained laugh, trying to deflect my anxiety with humor. 

“No,” she laughed, before fixing her face to look stoic again. “We’ve managed to chase her off the border, but we can’t figure out what she wants.” So she wasn’t just trying to kill everyone in sight? Good. Great. Cool. 

She inhaled and shook her head lightly, “But that’s not what I brought you here for.” She started. 

I perked up at this. Finally, I’d get some damn answers. I was confident that Leah wouldn’t be as cryptic as the others. Her blunt nature gave me a sense of security. I knew she would tell me the truth. 

“So, did Sam,” she paused at his name, but I didn’t question it. She cleared her throat and continued. “Did Sam ever tell you about imprinting?” She asked. 

“Imprinting? Like that thing ducks do to their moms?” What did that have to do with me? The last time I checked they weren’t ducks. 

“Sort of. But it’s kind of different in our case. So, well- I… ugh” She stuttered over her words for a moment, “How do I explain this?” She sat there for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Before she inhaled and started again.

“When we imprint, it’s like, the whole world stops. As soon as you set your eyes on your imprint, the world stops rotating for anyone else. They are the only thing that matters, you would do anything, be anything for them. It’s a kind of devotion like no other. And there’s no escaping it.”

She didn’t sound too happy about it, now and then her eyes would narrow. I really wanted to see what was going on in her head. 

I was starting to connect the dots in my head, so did this mean Jacob imprinted? On who.

.

.

.

Bella. Of course. Obviously, it was Bella. 

I barked a laugh, “Of course.” Leah looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue. 

“Jacob imprinted on Bella!” I could faintly hear her groan, but I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to care. “He imprinted on Bella, but he’s mad she doesn’t like him back so he ended up taking it out on me! Ugh, it all makes sense now.” The way Bella clearly didn’t want me around Jacob, the way he’d always protect her, the fact that he wouldn’t stop pining over her even though she didn’t want him. Of course, it was so blatantly obvious to me now. 

Leah sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose disappointedly. I was taken aback, was that not what happened? I glanced out the window, it was getting late. I sighed and picked up my stuff. I got up to leave but Leah stopped me. 

“Hey wait, that’s not what happened.” She started, then who was it?

“Jacob didn’t imprint on Bella, he imprinted on-” She was cut off by a loud BANG. 

We both whipped our heads to the door, where a young Seth Clearwater stood panting. He barged in frantically and started to shake Leah.

“Leah! We gotta go one of the Cullens is back and Bella’s gonna go to Italy and get them back and Jakes freaking out and, Oh hi [Y/N],” He stopped for a second to acknowledge my presence, but I was still trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about. 

He opened his mouth to continue, but Leah held up a hand and got up from the couch.

“[Y/N], you go home. I’ll catch up with you later.” She ordered, I didn’t have time to say anything before she and Seth hurried out the back door. I jumped from the couch and watched as they ran into the forest, I could see clothes tearing, and fur sprouting. I marveled at the two new wolves, watching them in awe as they darted into the trees. 

I grabbed my stuff and hurried out the front door. The rain wasn’t quite pouring, but it would be a pain to walk in. I hurried down the street, trying to avoid the puddles. They splashed violently against my shins, dampening my pants. I cursed but continued. 

It took me a long longer than I liked to make it back to my house. I was regretting not just taking my car, but walking was good for me and I needed to save gas. Courtesy of my mother. I stomped to the front door, my wet shoes making small puddles on the porch. I fumbled with my keys, and hurriedly unlocked the door. The house was dark and noticeably empty. Mom’s car was gone, and all the lights were off. 

I flicked on a few lights as I made my way inside, but as I set my keys down my eyes caught something. 

A brown leather jacket was hanging on the coat rack, it was way too big to be my mom's. And I knew it wasn’t mine. My heart raced, my eyes widened, and my mouth fell agape. Someone was in my house. 

I scanned the area around me before my eyes landed on the hallway closet. 

Bat! We had a bat in there just in case, and mom called me paranoid. I opened the door as quietly as I could, grabbing the bat quickly. My cold hands wrapped around the hardwood tightly. My knuckles turned white with the death grip I had on the poor stick. I slowly made my way through the house, turning corners quickly, with the bat raised to swing. 

I felt a presence behind me, I was sure whoever it was could hear my heart pounding, and my breath hitching. I felt a large hand touch my shoulder gently.

I whipped around and swung the bat with all my strength. It made a sound CRACK as it met its target. 

“Hey! What was that for?” I recognized that voice. I knew that voice so well, it was the voice I was praying to hear for weeks.

“Jacob?!” My hands fumbled for the light switch, I squinted as I turned it on. But I was able to see the boy in front of me now. Lo and behold, Jacob stood in front of me, like a giant brick wall. But he didn’t look like Jacob. His eyes were darker, heavy bags hanging beneath them. His skin was de-saturated, giving him a sickly look. His hair was messy, and his clothes were raggedy. I stepped back a bit.

“Jake, what are you doing here? How did you get in my house?! Why were you just waiting with the lights off?!” This didn’t make any sense, he avoided me for weeks, and then shows up in my house all creepy? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand this boy. I untensed my shoulders, and sighed.

He looked away for a moment, he looked embarrassed. “You weren’t here, and I heard Leah say you were at her house so I thought I’d wait here for you. I didn’t think you’d let me in soaking wet.” Of course, Jacob knew where the spare key was. So he wouldn’t have had any trouble getting in without committing a crime. I sighed and looked him in the eyes.

The air was tense, we both just stood there for an uncomfortable amount of time. Neither of us knew what to say. 

“I heard what you and Leah were talking about.” Jacob blurted. It caught me off guard before I remembered about their whole wolf telepathy. I huffed. I had so many things I wanted to say, but putting them into words was impossible. I thought of everything at once, before just meshing them all into one.

“Why?” 

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so vague, but Jacob looked at me with a guilty expression. It was clear he understood, he knew exactly what I was asking without me even having to say it. I tried not to let it show, but I was trying not to cry. I thought of everything that happened the past few weeks, it felt like it had been years since I saw Jacob. Really saw him. 

Within a month I had lost my best friend, fucked up my arm, had my perception of reality shattered, and now my long lost best friend broke into my house. And I still don’t know who he imprinted on. 

I sighed and shook my head. “Why did you cut me off, Jacob? What did I do? Was it something I said? Or did I make you upset? Whatever I did I’m sorry-” I started to ramble, I couldn’t even look at him as I choked the words out of my mouth. I had told myself I was ready for this confrontation, but just thinking about it made my eyes swell with tears. I tried not to let my breath hitch. 

Jacob looked guilty again, grimacing and looking down. When he looked back at me, he sighed. He held my face gently and wiped the tears from my eyes.

“[Y/N] I’m sorry please dont cry.” It was clear he didn’t know how to comfort me, but he was trying his best. I pushed his hands away harshly and wiped my face with my sleeves.

“I’m not crying, you’re crying.” I hid my face in my hands, trying to calm myself down. I heard him huff and take a step back. When I was ready, I made eye contact again. I didn’t care if I looked like a trainwreck. My hair was frizzy and messy from the rain, my eyes were now puffy from the tears, and I could only assume the bags under my eyes were prominent. 

“Well? Are you going to answer?” I demanded, I don’t think it was wrong of me to want some damn answers. 

He grimaced, and looked away. His eyebrows furrowed, scrunching together in thought. I watched the way his eyes darted around for a second, I analyzed his every move to try and figure out what would come next. I was waiting for the bad news, for some terrible fate to come crashing down on me. I was waiting for him to look me in the eye and tell me he hated me.

His gaze hardened, and his eyebrows scrunched up. The way they moved seemed harsher this time, more hostile. 

“I had no other choice. I won't get you wrapped up in this.” His voice was firm, unwavering. His eyes were dark, completely unreadable. I felt them burn into my skin even as I looked away. 

“It’s a little late for that Jake.” I mumbled. His huffed, and I saw his jaw tense. His upper lip curled up slightly, in a menacing snarl. 

It was frightening. 

I told myself I wasn’t going to be afraid of him. He didn’t hurt me on purpose, I just happened to be standing too close. 

But as the boy in front of me shook again, I shook too. My heart pounded against my ribs, I pulled air into my lungs violently. My lungs burned from the force of my breaths. My eyes widened, and I took a tentative step back. I tried my best to hold a tough exterior. But it was obvious how easily Jacob saw through me.

He stopped, and blinked. His cold exterior fell for a second, showing the warm, sweet boy I knew before. 

But as soon as it was dropped, he caught himself. I blinked and it was back, sending a shiver down my spine. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a few seconds. 

He let out a long exhale, and opened his eyes again. His calm and cool mask was back, no doubt hiding the anger I knew he was feeling. 

But he deserved to be upset, after all that transpired. I failed to see where I could have possibly been wrong. What I could have possibly done to piss him off this much. 

“I came to say goodbye.” He spoke, his voice didn’t waver for a second. His eyes didn’t move from mine, his unrelenting gaze intimidated me. 

“What? Wait why are you leaving?” I asked, I didn’t try to hide my emotions this time. I was baffled, he’s leaving again?

“I just… have to. I’m sorry but this is the way it has to be.” My fat fucking ass it is. 

“No it’s not, Jacob stop trying to run away from your problems!” I shouted, “What did I do to you? Why are you doing this to me?” I was frantic now, raising my voice at him. 

“Goodbye.” He gave a curt nod, and turned around, making his way to the front door. I tried to grab at his shoulder to stop him but it was no use. He pushed forward, completely unaffected by my feeble attempts to hold him back. 

He didn’t so much as glance at me as he opened the door, it gave a loud creek in response to being ripped open so suddenly. 

I watched as he walked down the front steps of my porch, into the pouring rain.

I was vividly reminded of the first time he did this to me. 

The first time Jacob had ripped my heart out of my chest, crushing it beneath his big stupid feet. 

I stood in silence. 

Not this time. I wouldn’t chase after him this time.