#i did this in 3 mins because he wanted his tablet back

[starzknight]

Izutsumi doodle on my little brother's drawingpad thingie while i wait for my flight!

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[boysplanetrecaps]

Boys Planet Eps 9-10 Recap: Switch

Hello, lovies! As you may know, I already wrote a recap/master post for episode 9, and another one for episode 10. This recap focuses just on the stuff that’s relevant to team “Switch” -- so their rehearsal period in episode 9 as well as their rehearsal footage and performance in episode 10. But you’ll have to switch to the full post first, which is my cheesy way of saying to click read more! 🙂

The Trainees Here’s a list of the trainees in this group along with their rank as of episode 8 and their two previous missions:

Kim Tae Rae 7 / Back Door -K / Man in Love

Keita 8/ Kill This Love - G / Zoom

Park Hanbin 13/ Hot Sauce - K / Law

Yoon Jong Woo 15 / Back Door - K /Home

Na Kamden 20 / Back Door - G / Law

Zhang Shuai Bo 23 / Back Door - G / Feel Special

The First Rehearsal Segment

At 31:45 of episode 9, we visit with team Switch for four whole minutes!

They start by deciding who would get the killing part, and Yoon Jong Woo says he doesn’t want it because it’s all about confidence, and he has none. Also, I kind of get the feeling that he's a little over the whole thing. Can't blame him, but I hope he shakes that off.

But you know who does want the killing part? - the formerly blue haired Park Hanbin. 

Surely, though, he won’t be able to do a good audition? He can’t learn the choreo that fast? 

But he gets up and does the killing part for his team and does it flawlessly. Better than Kamden, who has had a week to prepare. TaeRae, comparing Hanbin’s dance to the video on the tablet, says, “how much did he practice?” (We’ll come back to that in a second….) 

What happened is this:

Park Hanbin looked at the numbers. He knew his initial team, En Garde, would almost certainly lose all or most of Ji Yun Seo, Lee Ye Dam, Oh Sung Min, and Hiroto. Hanbin knew that if Hiroto or one of the other three survived elimination, then his team would have one extra trainee. They’d probably vote out Hiroto, or whoever else survived, which would mean that Park Hanbin would be stuck with his 10 seconds of subvocal 3 as his only contribution to the team. There was a vanishingly slim chance that Kum Jun Heon or Park Gunwook was going to yield the killing part to him, or that his team would award it to him from merit. So, betting on the chance that at least one of Hiroto, YunSeo, YeDam, or Sungmin would make it, Hanbin learned the choreography to Switch, while also learning the choreography to En Garde, with the plan of volunteering to switch to Switch. 

You guys, I told that story to my fella, and he was like, “that is some Rian Johnson, Knives Out, Poker Face level of machination and plot surprise,” and I was like, yeah. Accurate. 

I don’t think that Park Hanbin liked Switch better the whole time or anything like that. He asked the Star Creators to put him in En Garde. But Hanbin wanted a Killing Part, and he was willing to work twice as hard as anyone else in order to get it. 

Now, what about Kim TaeRae? I think that Hanbin and TaeRae talked about this ahead of time. Remember, they’re both with WakeOne. They auditioned together at the Star Level Test. TaeRae is a vocalist and probably relies on Hanbin to help him with choreo when needed, at the agency. Hanbin knows that TaeRae isn’t a hyper-social butterfly, nor is he hyper-audacious, pushing for the parts he wants. TaeRae somehow or another didn’t get main vocal in Backdoor. Like, what the fuck? So Hanbin knew that someone other than TaeRae was likely to end up with that juicy subvocal-1 part in Say My Name. Not great for TaeRae. But meanwhile, Hanbin also knew that TaeRae is much beloved by the Star Creators, and is an excellent singer and a decent dancer. Hanbin knew that he, Hanbin, would be able to teach anyone how to dance. He also knew that having TaeRae on his team will benefit both his team and TaeRae, because it’ll ensure that TaeRae gets a main vocal part and it’ll ensure that his team has at least one top-9 trainee and at least one trainee who can sing really well. It’s win/win/win for Hanbin, TaeRae, and their team. Also, having TaeRae on his team meant that he’d have one more chingu who would be sure to vote for him to have the killing part. And also also, since TaeRae and Hanbin are both at WakeOne, what’s good for one is good for the other, because they’re undoubtedly going to debut together eventually and their fame and future success is tied together.

Notice how TaeRae asked, “How much did he practice?” when Hanbin did the killing part -- not “how does he know this?” or “did he practice this?” TaeRae already KNEW that Hanbin had been practicing this. He was only surprised as to the extent of it. That’s further proof that they talked about this in advance. 

I love this so much, and I just love Park Hanbin. That kid is the Jeon Soyeon of this batch of trainees. I mean, not necessarily in terms of song composition or whatnot, but in terms of brilliant strategy. Whether he debuts in Bepler or not, he’s going places. 

Also, Na Kamden is just a sweet guy, isn’t he? Losing the killing part, he just says, well, Hanbin is really good. You’re good too, Kamden! This whole team is pretty strong, and this is the performance I’m actually looking forward to the most at this point. 

So here’s the part distribution -- wait, Keita is sub rapper 3? At first I thought that Keita must have been planning something, but as I watched more, I became less sure. Oh no...

Anyway, they start practicing, and the editing focuses on how TaeRae is having a little trouble learning the choreo. It's! Shocking! That a Main Vocal! Would have a little trouble! Learning choreo!!!! 

Even his hair won't cooperate. Don’t worry. He has Hanbin there to beat the steps into him! 

Now, let’s skip to 30:00 in to Episode 10.  It’s D-Day and the boys come out on stage, all dressed in super bright colors.

Key asks Hanbin about rehearsal, and we jump back to the team’s first meeting with the psychopath dance teacher. We’re reminded of how the team ended up together, and the dance teacher says that this is a good team, with several trainees who got a good result in the second challenge mission -- Hanbin came in first for Law, TaeRae came in first for Man in Love , JongWoo came in first for Home, and Keita came in first for Zoom. 

But their dancing isn’t perfect, how dare they not be perfect after like 12 hours of rehearsal?

Especially TaeRae, who at some points didn’t dance at all but just sort of walked because he is a VOCAL and was going to be SINGING at that point. (1) Aren’t they allowed to adjust the choreo? Isn’t that part of the assignment? And (2) Let me get this straight, you fucking psychopath -- you want TaeRae to be dancing “powerfully” WHILE HITTING THE B ABOVE MIDDLE C? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? That’s several notes higher than that high F# they made the boys hit in Na BiNa. This is fucking falsetto territory, and you want him to dance “powerfully” AT THE SAME TIME? I hate these dance teachers so much sometimes. Human beings have human bodies. Jesus Christ. This is why singing in Kpop is going down the drain -- because they want people to dance “powerfully” while hitting B4. 

The judge guy actually helps a bit (shocker, right?) by suggesting a modification for the choreo for TaeRae, but TaeRae doesn’t understand, so he makes him do it over and over like 19 times before getting off his lazy evil ass and showing him. 

That night, Hanbin asks Keita why Keita didn’t go for a bigger rapping part…

Hey, I know what you readers like. 

… and Keita says, “I don’t have any energy left.” Keita interviews that he’s lost a lot of confidence. Oh no, Keita!! Oh NO!!!!  

Back at rehearsal, Na Kamden, who is really a good guy, hands over leadership to Park Hanbin, because he thinks -- no, he KNOWS -- that Hanbin will do a better job. Everyone at home is like, “wait, Hanbin wasn’t already the leader?” 

They work on the dance, both the big picture and the details, sometimes over and over and over. 

Then, like the fucking genius and sweetheart that Hanbin is, he gets Keita involved in fixing up the choreo, which does two things: (1) re-energizes Keita and (2) utilizes their resources! Yes. 

Just a little nudge from a friend seems to spur Keita back into action, and soon they’re all involved, all dancing. 

40:30 The Performance

So we skip to D-day. 

The judges are looking over the stage, which is set up to look a bit like an arcade, with bright day-glow colors. There’s an elevator door that is going up to the 9th floor -- referencing their desire to go up to the top9. 

Out in the audience, Wumuti is spoiling it to the audience that the concept of the performance is that the boys are stuck in a video game world. The fact that he knows that is an indication of how much of the performance was determined by the boys who were in each group before The Great Reshuffling. This implies that a lot of the stuff the various teams are doing might be the result of the hard work of trainees who aren’t in that group anymore. This is all really messed up, MNET. 

And the boys come out on stage to perform. It’s time!

My Take:

I know I’ll be in the minority here, but I actually like this song. I know, I know. But listen to the studio recording of it and maybe it'll grow on you. It's like a weird NCT song mated with a Black Pink song and had a child that mostly took after its father. But I'm fine with that. I also really liked the dance practice. I feel like I can focus more on how good their dancing is -- especially Yoon JongWoo, who is wearing white here, and seems to be trying his best to remind us that he would have been fucking fantastic in Over Me. They look like they’re having fun, like I just sort of want to jump up and join them dancing. They just have good chemistry and seem like friends. It’s one of those things that makes Twice so fun to watch, is the feeling that you’re watching a group of friends having fun rather than a group of coworkers forced to work together.

As for the Stage Performance: 

Overall, they do a great job. I wish we saw more of Keita, and I wish the camera work and outfits let us more easily see their dancing, but it was a cute, fun, lively performance. I don't have a ton to say about it, but I enjoyed it. Hanbin was the standout for me in the live performance -- though I'm telling you, Yoon Jongwoo stands out in the dance practice I linked above, and I think he would have stood out a lot live as well. Kamden, Keita, and Z-Bo did well too. I thought it was all really cute and cheerful.

TaeRae’s live vocals sounded great, because I love his vocal color, but still, they are just a bit shaky here and there. I hope he gets some more vocal training because he really could be great. Baekyhun wasn’t perfect when he debuted either and with more time, he has better learned how to control that powerful instrument he was born with. TaeRae needs to work on his mix, and his agility, but I know he can get there. 

Afterwards, we find out that Zhang Shuai Bo got the lowest score, with an obviously punitive 402 points. You and I and he and all the other trainees know that this is the audience punishing Z-Bo for his “bad behavior” in earlier episodes, and I’m really sad for him, actually. I’ve come around to him -- yeah, it wasn’t cool to be passive aggressive with Solji, or to leave Woongki to sing the whole chorus by himself. Not cool, Z-Bo. But on further review of the situation, I think I was wrong to think that Z-Bo was being rude to Woongki in general -- Woongki has no animosity toward Z-Bo, so why should I? Plus, Z-Bo did a good job in his Switch performance and didn’t deserve such a low score. This was actually the first time that I really understood why some people are big fans of his -- he looked great on stage, actually! The dumb hair extensions really worked, the ugly pants looked good on him, I don’t know, he made it all work. But he seems resigned to his fate. 

Who came in first? Well, obviously Park Hanbin, with 741 points. 

This is his third straight time coming in first in the mission.

He’s slightly less amazed each time it happens.

He interviews that he’s starting to gain confidence. Well, I should hope so, lovey! 

That brings us pretty much to the end of this recap, but I do want to say that if you like slightly weird kpop songs, give Switch another try, ok? Listen to the official studio audio and use headphones. It’s actually a pretty cool song. It’s ok if it’s not your thing, I totally respect that, but I think the live performances on this show are consistently hampered by a poor mix -- the vocals stand out like it’s karaoke, and that’s not great for your overall enjoyment of the song. So it really can’t hurt to just give the song another try when you can really hear all the cool touches on the low and high ends. I’ve come to really like it. 

And that’s really the end! 

See you in the next one, lovies! It's Say My Name .

[lovesaadiqa]

the unthethered soul

this book is one that keeps on giving or growing me i should say. my second time reading it helped me realized the different spaces i was in before and now. i seldom go back and read my entries, its kinda of cringe for me especially when i don't see in growth from one post to another, stagnation makes me sad. anyway i cried alot the first time i read this book and this time im highlighting like hell. just to catch me up, ive been driving over the road for 5 months now, initially soothing myself with music, empty conversation from random people and as dangerous as it sounds, tv, movies and murder mysteries. the last 30 days has been silent asf on my truck, no nothing! the window down and my thoughts. i gave the book another go round but ive been applying what im reading and this shit is no joke! ive learned how to know when im in the seat of self, how to be aware of my awareness, how to watch my emotions form, how to disconnect from what im seeing and pay attention to how whatever it is im seeing is making me feel. amateur at best but today was another monster and i can see how i definitely will need my awareness to grow and how consistency will play a major role in how fast i can find my freedom.

its 4th of july, no the weekend, the literal day. i'd been driving for 4 hours and go to my receiver super early because when i started my route i forgot the time zone was going to change. i arrived at 1:30 cst and am told the ppl who unload me was changing shifts and i'd have to wait until 3:45.. there's no pressure but its hard asf to find parking in general but especially on a holiday or weekend so idgaf about nothing but finding parking because im less than 1/2 mile aware from a flying j and dont wanna have to get back on the highway to find parking. i get back in my truck, eat and get on social media. i can feel someone unloading me but it's nowhere near 3:45 so i grab my paperwork and march my ass inside hype like "yes, imma be outta here soon" i get in a realize it was an over zealous worker who came in early for holiday pay (i'd still have to wait for my paperwork to get signed). someone shows up in the office right at 3:45 and im told they have to count and verify my freight which would be at least 30-45 more mins. im ok with that because my appt time wasn't until 5pm and im already unloaded before 4. it's gets dumb tricky because im notified im counted and good to go, i get inside and the guy who is to give me my papers says i have to pay a lumper fee. i've never in all my months had to pay a lumper fee, in fact i don't know wtf that is so i call my dm and I get Matt (he's a rude sob and hate hearing his damn voice) who tells me i have to send a message form. i do as im told but get a reference number on my tablet that says give this to the ppl inside to pay, i get inside give them the code and they tell me to put it in the payment slot on the text they sent (in my head im screaming "what fucking text") -- fuck the rest of the story

as im walking back and forth from my truck to the receiver i can feel the agitation building, my responses are on the rude side, i can hear my consciousness forewarning me that im getting heated. i tried to feel what was happening inside of me as im also trying to remain professional. i tell myself that im only frustated because i dont think im going to be able to find parking, im losing it becasue wtf is a lumper fee and wtf you mean i have to pay it, what text did you send me on top of hearing "western express this is Matt" lmmfaooooo. i get to the fucking gate to leave and the bitch gone say "can you pull all the way up im pregnant and i dont feel like walking to the back of your trailer. i legit wanted to run her tf over because bitch you at work and pregnant ppl arent handicapped HOT!!!! In the time it took me to tell myself to calm and actually calming down i ran a stop sign and drove past the flying j entrance.

then i get to my lil to do list and im supposed to read a chapter: Removing Your Inner Thorn (im literally fighting back tears writing this) the second fucking sentence "In order to grow, you must give up the struggle to remain the same, and learn to embrace change at all time" ATE ME TF UP! Im not the same because now i have the awareness to spot, feel and identify my emotions before they have me in a chokehold. knowing all that i still copped an attitude and let them run me. this chapter talks about have a literal thorn piercing a nerve and the options you have to avoid the pain. first option is to avoid anything that will touch, bother, graze, tap, irritate your torn.. second option, remove the fucking thorn all together! a few lines that made me legit get my laptop, come into the pilot and write this entire entry: if you decide you have to keep things from touching the thorn, then that becomes the work of a lifetime; the life of protecting yourself from the problem becomes a perfect reflection of the problem itself; you can actually fell that because you've minimized the pain of the problem, you've solved the problem.. all you did was devote your life to avoiding it; the problem will be back the moment the external situation fails to protect you from what's inside; you are not the pain you feel; the thorns naturally work themselves out if you stop protecting them; you do no get rid of loneliness (or any thorn sadness, depression, anxiety, short temper, a broken heart, abdandonment) you just cease to be involved with it, it just another thing in the universerse like cars, glass or the stars.

i cant began to explain how i did the work and then read the book. there is no joy like getting it. i understand now. im praying for more situations to arise so i can better at this and win inner peace for myself. the ultimate goal for me is to sit in the seat of self and remain there.. i just know with my whole heart i will read this book until the cover falls off because it is a complete guide to spiritual freedom, in my opinion. i have about 6 books on my truck right now and this one is the most got a second read before i finished any of the other one for a first time. im happy to be here. in this space, with this awareness and the understanding of what to do with it and how if benefits me. i will get so fucking good at this!!

i hope when you come back to read this it wont be cringe babygirl. i wish you nothing but healing and total well being. to think that coming face to face with a pain that made you know want to wake up no more got you here is nothing but God's love for you. its so important to realize that it was all necessary! forgive, relax and release Saadiqa but most importantly remain thank for it all. equipped with the know-how to watch your thoughts and detach from them should make this journey so fucking delicious. you are awareness and EVERTHING else is an object of your consciousness. the feelings, the thoughts that get stuck on repeat, other people, aging, your body.. all of it. just a thing/things you've become aware of, they are not you. never, ever, ever forget that. leaving the seat of self is such a massive step down that some people do it for a single thing and they're never able to return again. that is the prize, the gift of a life lived. Chapter 8 over and over and over and over again!!!! please get this Saadiqa it is my life's wish for you NEVER STEP DOWN!

[the-bau-quinjet]

Secret's Out

Summary: Request! Reid and Y/N are secretly dating, but their business doesn't stay their business for long.

Warnings: Criminal Minds level violence

Word Count: 2974

a/n: Thank you for the request! I hope you like it :)

Sorry this took forever! It took me a while to think of case details that I liked and then I kept rewriting parts. I think I'm finally happy with it though!

Masterlist

"Spencer!" You pushed him away. "The doors could open at any moment! How are we supposed to keep this a secret if Morgan walks in on us kissing in the elevator?" You raised a brow at him.

"On average, elevators travel at a speed of 200 ft/min or about 4 seconds per floor. Being on the fifth floor means we have about 20 seconds to ourselves." He smiled triumphantly.

"Yeah, until someone surprises us on floor 3." You rolled your eyes, stepping out of the doors once they opened.

"I can't help it. I'm just... really happy with you." He whispered softly.

"I'm really happy too." You smiled at him. You were about to lean in when the elevator doors opened once again to reveal JJ and Emily.

"Hey guys, ready for another case?" Emily glanced between you suspiciously, but thankfully didn't ask any prying questions.

"Yep, let's go!" You turned quickly, walking into the round table room without so much as a glance back at the three agents by the elevator.

"What's with her?" JJ questioned.

"Said she didn't sleep well last night. Must be all the caffeine." He held his own cup off coffee up in solidarity before also walking to the round table room.

"Alright, we've got 3 dead in Billings, Montana. All three were law enforcement, and all three were found this morning around the city." You listened as Penelope introduced the details of the case.

"Could be someone who feels the police didn't do a good enough job protecting a loved one?" You threw out a theory.

"Or someone who feels wronged by the criminal justice system as a whole." Rossi added on.

"Either way, they likely won't stop until we catch them. Wheels up in 20." Hotch rose from his seat as he spoke, wasting no time in preparing for take off.

You all dispersed briefly to grab your go bags, meeting back at the SUVs to head to the jet.

Once boarded, it didn't take long for the conversation to start up again.

"When we land, L/N go to the morgue. Dave, Prentiss take the first and second crime scenes, they're only a mile apart. Morgan and Reid, check out the third scene. I'll head to the precinct with JJ."

With Hotch's instructions set, you took what little time you had left on the flight to go over the causes of death.

-

"Anything stand out to you on the bodies?" You asked the ME after going over the blunt force trauma and bullet wounds.

"There's tape residue and bruising on the wrists and ankles. Based on the state of bruising, they were likely held for about 3 days before they were killed."

"Thank you for your help." You shook hands, pulling out your phone to call Hotch.

"Hotchner."

"Hotch, they were held for days before they were killed. How did nobody notice they were missing?" There was nothing in the reports that indicated the victims were reported missing prior to being found.

"We just found the same pattern. They all used vacation days for various reasons in the days leading up to their deaths. Meet us back at the precinct and Reid can explain the whole pattern."

"Okay, I'm leaving now." You hung up just as you reached the SUV. Throughout the drive, you couldn't stop thinking that something wasn't adding up.

The victims were taken in the same day. It didn't make sense for the unsub not to escalate. So, why aren't any officers unaccounted for?

Suddenly, a truck crashed into your SUV, sending you flying off the road. A figure dressed in black opened the door and dragged you from the car.

"Agent L/N, it's so good to see you again." A male voice spoke, but you couldn't place it.

He hit you over the head with a handgun before dragging you to his own vehicle.

-

"Where's L/N?" Emily questioned when her and Rossi returned from the second dumpsite.

"On her way back from the ME." Hotch answered. "Did you find anything useful?"

"They truly are dumpsites. Both bodies were found by dumpsters, sending a pretty clear message." Dave replied.

"Same for the third site." Derek added on.

"All three victims were single and took time off leading up to their death. Nobody would've notice that they were missing until it was too late." Reid supplied the final bit of information gathered.

Hotch's phone rang before anyone else could comment. The frantic sound of Garcia's nails clicking against her keyboard echoed through the phone. She was talking before anyone could greet her.

"You need to see this, check your tablets."

Confused glances were exchanged as everyone, barring Reid, opened their tablets. Reid glanced over Morgan's shoulder to observe as well.

A seemingly live video that Garcia received a link to was streaming to the tablets.

A single woman sitting in a chair could be seen in the frame. Her wrists and ankles were bound to the chair with thick, gray tape and a bag was over her head.

"Garcia, what is this?" Hotch asked almost immediately.

"I was emailed the link just now. It's not streaming anywhere else online." Her reply came quickly, the sound of typing still filling in the silence.

"Can you trace it?" Rossi questioned.

"I'm trying, but it's being routed through multiple proxy servers."

"Did the email say anything?" Emily chimed in.

"No, it was just the link- Wait. I just got another email." She paused as the new email loaded. "It's addressed to Reid."

Every set of eyes in the room turned to Reid.

"What does it say?" He felt the nerves beginning to grow waiting for Garcia to read the words aloud.

"Dr. Reid,

I hope you remember me. What am I saying, of course you do. I've got something of yours that you might want back. You see Dr. Reid, you and your team ruined me. My family, my career, all of it, just gone. I thought I'd return the favor. A person's phone can be so informative. Tell me, does your team know about your girlfriend? I've so enjoyed getting reacquainted with her.

Happy hunting."

Spencer's face went white as he looked at Morgan's tablet again. His thoughts were racing. How did he not recognize you before? Even with the bag over your head, he should've known it was you.

"It's her." His words were barely a whisper.

"This is your girlfriend?" Morgan gestured to the screen again. Spencer could only nod in reply, his mind unable to focus on anything except you.

"Reid, listen to me. You've got to tell us everything you know about her. We'll have to split up. You can go back to Quantico with Emily and Morgan, the rest of us will stay here to work on our current case." Hotch was already devising a strategy to work both cases.

"There's no need." His words made sense to him, but sounded cryptic to the rest of the team.

"Kid, of course there is. We'll help you get her back." Morgan placed a hand on his shoulder, effectively shocking him back to the present situation.

"There's no need to split up because she's here. She's in Montana." Before he could continue, everyone was asking questions.

"Give me a phone number and I'll get you a location." Garcia was already typing away again.

"Are you sure she's here?" JJ's brows furrowed. She did her best to hide the hurt of her best friend hiding his girlfriend from her, again.

"Why would she be here?" Rossi added.

"How did she get here? Maybe we can track the transportation and figure out means of abduction." Emily was the only one thinking about the case.

Like ripping off a bandaid, Spencer blurted out the truth.

"It's Y/N."

He was met with silence in the room as everyone absorbed the information.

Garcia caught up first, a sudden gasp sounding through the phone.

"So, then that's Y/N... in the video..." Her voice wavered.

As if a switch was flipped, the team was back on the case.

"Garcia, get me a list of anyone who would have a grievance with the team." Hotch ordered.

"Go through anyone who was falsely accused. Start with cases in or around Montana. He would want to keep this close to home." Rossi specified.

"We've only had one case in Montana since Y/N joined the team." Reid supplied the knowledge as it came to him. "A name, I need a name." He muttered to himself, pulling his hair as he roughly ran his hands through it and over his face. "Garcia, look into Jameson Braddock."

"Got it." She immediately began a background check, searching through case files and news articles for additional information. "i'll get back to you with locations." With that, she hung up.

"Fill us in, kid. Who is Jameson Braddock." Morgan lead Reid to a chair, gently easing him into it.

"Our last case in Montana, Emily and I went to interview a witness." Emily nodded, the memories slowly coming back to her.

"He wasn't very forthcoming, and then he tried to run." She added on.

"Exactly, except he didn't make it very fair. We arrested him, but it turned out he was only guilty of selling alcohol to minors. When word of his arrest got out, the whole town thought it was for the serial rapes and murders we were investigating even though it was never confirmed."

"By the time we corrected the media, it was too late." JJ supplied, also remembering the man.

"So, he killed three officers just to draw us out back out here?" Morgan refocused the conversation on the current case.

"It looks that way now. The media knew we were coming, so he must have as well." Emily theororized. "If he followed us from the airport, he would've seen Y/N leave by herself."

"He likely didn't know about your relationship until he abducted her and went through her phone." Hotch paced the room.

"He's flaunting his power over us." Rossi chimed in just as Hotch's phone rang again.

"Garcia, what've you got?"

"Three addresses in Billings, Montana. Jameson Braddock has been on a downward spiral since your last trip there. His entire life fell apart, like he said. Divorced, his wife moved to Nebraska with their two kids. He lost his job at the high school, and was evicted from his house when he could no longer pay the bills." She listed the information quickly.

"He has ties to three addresses. Nobody has moved into his previous house, so it's vacant. He's got a small apartment in the northern part of the city which he pays for through working odd hours at Taco Bell. Finally, he briefly worked security at a now abandoned warehouse."

"An apartment wouldn't be enough space to hold her without the chance of someone hearing. She's not there." Rossi eliminated the location as an option.

"We'll split up to cover the warehouse and the house-" Hotch began, but Reid cut him off.

"No, we shouldn't split up. She's got to be at the house. The warehouse has no connection to his previous life. He wants revenge for our perceived wrongdoing, he wouldn't make his last stand at a new location." Reid was already putting on a bullet proof vest. Despite how his mind was racing, he refused to show how afraid he was.

"You're sure?" Morgan asked, on the fence about committing to one location.

"Absolutely." With that, Reid was out the door heading for the SUVs.

-

"Rossi, Emily head around back. I'll take the front with Reid. JJ and Morgan, the side door." Hotch instructed the team to split up upon arrival at the house.

Reid wasted no time in approaching the house. He was confident you were inside, but he didn't know what was happening to you.

The main floor was cleared quickly. Again, the team split up to cover the upper level and the basement.

Knowing you were likely downstairs, Reid immediately started that direction, JJ and Hotch following him.

It wasn't hard for him to find you. You were still tied to the chair in the middle of the room, bag over your head.

Before anyone could stop him, Reid lowered his gun and ran to you. He gently maneuvered the bag off your head, stopping his movements only when he felt something press into his back.

"Dr. Reid. So kind of you to join us." Braddock spoke maniacally, pressing the gun against Reid's head.

"Drop your weapon." Hotch commanded, but the man only cackled in response.

'Y/N... Y/N." Reid gently shook you in an attempt to wake you up.

"She can't hear you." Braddock singsonged.

"What did you do?" Reid tried to turn to him only to feel the gun press further into his head.

"Like I said in my email, you people ruined my life. They took everything from me, so I thought I'd try to return the favor." During his short speech, Braddock shifted just enough for JJ to get a clean shot.

He fell to the ground, gun clattering across the floor.

Reid moved quickly to remove the tape binding you to the chair while Hotch called for a medic in the basement.

The entire team watched as you were wheeled into the ambulance, still unconscious, none more scared than Spencer.

-

"She's going to be fine, Spence." JJ tried to reassure him, nonetheless his pacing continued.

"You don't know that. We don't even know what he did to her." He had one hand anxiously running through his hair, the other pinching the bridge of his nose in distress.

Just then, a doctor emerged from behind closed doors.

"F/N L/N." She called into the waiting room, slightly taken aback when the group of agents rushed to her.

"It was touch and go for a while, but she got here just in time." It was visible to even the least qualified profiler how relieved the team felt. Their previously tense shoulders relaxed, frowns turned to small smiles, wide eyes and raised brows pinched together with joy.

"What happened?" Emily posed the question everyone was thinking.

"In short, she was drugged. It's not clear what exactly was used, but it was likely a mix of drugs that attempted to stop her heart."

"Can we see her?" Morgan spoke next, cautiously eyeing Reid.

"You may, follow me." The doctor lead them through a series of hallways to your room. "She should be waking up soon."

With that the doctor left, allowing the team to file into the room. You looked strangely peaceful for someone who almost died.

"So..." JJ glanced between you and Spencer. "Girlfriend, huh?"

His eyes went wide. Instinctively, he turned to you for help, but you were still asleep. He opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out.

"Relax, kid." Morgan grinned. "We're happy as long as you two are happy."

Spencer smiled gratefully, looking at you with an adoring gaze. "We are happy."

"How long?' Emily gestured to your joined hands. Just before Spencer could answer, you groaned.

"I want to hear your guesses first." Your voice was raspy, but there was a clear smile on your face. "Also, what happened?"

The quickly explained the email Garcia received and the events that followed.

"Now that that's cleared up, do tell us how long you think we've been together. I know you've got a bet going." You narrowed your eyes, playfully glaring at each team member.

"4 months." Hotch begrudgingly admitted. JJ followed with 3 months, Derek and Rossi both betting 10 weeks, and Emily going with 6 weeks.

"Ha, you're all wrong." You smiled triumphantly, leaning closer to Spencer.

"Wait, we haven't heard from Garcia." Derek smirked as he rung her on speaker phone.

"Oh, my beautiful crime fighters. Y/N, are you okay?" Your smile widened at the concern in her voice.

"I am indeed, but I have a very important question for you." You glanced as Spencer briefly before continuing. "How long do you think Spence and I have been together?"

"Oh, I know this one!" Her excitement caught everyone but you off guard. "7 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days."

Spencer's jaw dropped as he stuttered out, "that's exactly right..."

"How'd you figure it out?" The group of profilers wore matching expressions of surprise as Penelope explained.

"Well, we had just finished testifying in the Bigelow trial. The whole team went out for drinks, and I could just see it in Y/N's eyes the next day that something wonderful happened. At first I just thought that she got some, but then I saw her and the good doctor in the kitchen getting coffee and I knew." Penelope's voice held a mixture of smugness and pure excitement.

"Babygirl, you didn't tell me?" Derek sounded genuinely offended.

"Y/N asked me not to." Even though you couldn't see her, you knew she punctuated the statement with a shrug.

"You knew, she knew?" Spencer turned to you in shock.

You nodded. "I could see it on her face the second I walked out of the kitchen. But she promised not to tell, so I didn't either."

"The two of you, thick as thieves." Rossi lamented.

"I love you so much." Spencer whispered into your ear as he pulled you in for a hug.

"I love you too." You whispered right back.

"Honestly, I'm glad the secret's out." You smiled at Spencer before looking at the rest of the team. "Although, I wish I didn't have to be kidnapped to tell you."

You spent a few more hours in the hospital before being cleared to go back to the hotel.

The next morning, you smiled to yourself as you were finally able to cuddle with Spencer during the flight home.

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@strawberryspence

@sebastnstn

Criminal Minds taglist:

@mac99martin

@goldeng1rl8

@measure-in-pain

[lloverz]

Everyone is afraid to love. Wait, let me rephrase that.

Everyone is afraid of getting hurt when they’re vulnerable.

it sucks doesn’t it? when you love someone so much just to find out they didn’t love you as much as you love them, because if they did then they wouldn’t have done those things that tore you apart so easily.

Let’s zoom out a bit, okay? Don’t get too emotional just yet.

If we take a serious, long look at what our pain has taught us from loving so hard, you will see that the abundant amount of lessons learned is worth going through. Personally, I’d rather take note of every single lesson I learn while young, because I don’t want to spend a lifetime ignoring them just to have to keep relearning them.

I just got out of a 4 year relationship. we were high school sweethearts and 3 years after dating, we had a baby. I was very gullible in the first few years of dating this boy. I’m very beautiful, popular, have a lot of people talking about me. I was so confident in myself. If I stood by another woman, I would’nt question my own beauty. The boy I dated, let’s call him “tf”, was a couple years older than me and had graduated a year before me. We live in a pretty small city, so there’s only 3 high schools to choose from. Here’s a list of a few things TF did while in a relationship with me BEFORE our baby:

-cheated multiple times and manipulated/lied/gaslit me by using violence and aggression ( when I was 18 )

-always had porn on his socials (instagram , twitter, etc) so I would state that it made me uncomfortable (the girls looked way bigger and curvier than me, I’m petite) but he would say things like “it’s just a big ass 😂”. I let him borrow my tablet one time and when I tried to get it back, he hid it from me and kept yelling in my face saying “YOU’RE FUCKIN INSECURE” *didn’t give back tablet EVER*

- after someone sent me screenshots of him trying to fuck in another city, he manipulated/gaslit/lied. I tried to break up with him and he broke my car window. There was blood and broken glass everywhere, so he immediately played victim and was begging for me to take him to the hospital. Blamed it on me. “you made me do it”

- even though I never showed any signs of cheating or talking to multiple people, he would constantly tell me about how I’m a “liar”. I didn’t have enough experience back then to know that is a clear sign of a cheater.

- He was always talking to multipple girls but when i said something about it, he would get aggressive and defensive. making up lies with such aggression to force me to just back down.

- by this time, I had started an eating disorder. I was depressed and didn’t want to eat.

so even though those things are pretty fucking horrible and traumatizing for an 18-19 yr old to go through, let’s talk about the things he did while I was pregnant.

- first week we found out I was pregnant we were living in a hotel. We both had jobs but rent weekly was super fuckin high just for a studio. There was a tiny kitchen with no oven and a bathroom next to it. a bed in the room and that’s it. The first week I found out I was pregnant, I suspected him of shit because he was super distant. I went through his phone and saw he was looking up his ex from 4 years ago.

- He argued w me about it, told me he would “happily pay for an abortion”, so I had a breakdown in the bathroom saying “you did this to me, I don’t want to get rid of my baby” so after 10 mins he felt bad and without showing any emotion he just said it’s up to me but he’ll be present if i choose to keep it

- We argued a lot the first week. I had no friends since he pushed them all away from me. So I went to a mountain, sat on a big rock, and just cried for an hour. I was so scared because I didn’t know how to tell my family and based off of how he was acting, I knew I was most likley going to end up a single mom. for a 20 yr old, that was an extremely stressful situation.

- moving on, we finally saved enough to get an apartment. We moved in and I wanted to feel whole, but something just wasn’t right. I was working from home at the time, by then i was 3 months pregnant. He also had a job, but got fired. I could barely afford rent on my own. He would sit on his ass and play video games all day instead of going out looking for a job. I tried not to stress about it, tried to convince myself that he was just in a bad state of mind and needed a boost. I needed him to have a job, so I made his resume and applied to places for him. He got his “dream job” at a dispensary because of my help.

- he was very distant from the beginning so it wasn’t much of a difference. later i found out that he was “hanging out” and talking to females while I was working my pregnant ass off.

- eventually my inutition and dreams told on him, my body filled with anxiety around him. so I decided enough was enough and I needed to move out before the lease has to get renewed. I broke up with him, packed my things, and told him he had to leave too (duh, the apt was in MY name and he’s careless).

- he didn’t help me pack my shit or carry things downstairs into the car. By this time, the baby was born so his excuse was that he was watching the baby even though he could’ve had the baby on him while helping my postpartum ass.

- i forgot to mention that when I gave birth, they fucked up my epidural so I was in bed for the first week with an epidural migraine. I was in so much pain and worried because the dr said i was leaking spinal fluid into my head. The first week he invited his whole family over and told me it would only be 2 people. I was stressed because of COVID, my headache came back. I wen to the room and told him to tell them to leave, he did. when they left he argued with me and got mad at me saying “why are you acting like that??” as if he didn’t know what i was going through. i ended up apologizing just to keep the peace.

- I would only ever ask for help when i was extremely exhausted, and when i asked for help he would constantly ask me why i couldnt just do it myself.

after we broke up, he put on a very specular show crying about how he wanted his family back. he would tell me that we didn’t have a family because of me. he let his anger out on me by going through my phone when i would let him visit the baby and add my friends on his socials. he talked mad shit saying iw asn’t letting him see the baby. eventually no one wanted to be involved so all my friends left me to suffer with postpartum depression and a horrible partner. eventually he pushed me to a point where I felt like I was always going to struggle and be alone. He wouldn’t give me money to support the baby even though I was the only one taking care of him and he always had excuses. There were times when i had to beg him to see him for more than an hour a week. I was living with my nana at the time (my tata passed when i was pregnant and he still did all of this), and i had no money. my baby was teething and i cried because i couldn’t afford $3 teething medicine. My gas gauge was also fucked up so I couldn’t go anywhere without worrying about gas, especially with no money. eventually i just couldn’t handle my situation, and I took my son to the babysitter. I told her I was going to be gone for a while to take care of him. she agreed and understood. that night, i walked myself into the ER and told them i ahd suicidal thoughts. it was the darkest day of my life.

that night, i slept at the hospital. i got woken up at 2-3 in the morning to speak with a crisis counselor. she told me that due to the severity of my condition, the best option was to take me to a psych hospital to get treatment. i agreed. my parents had no idea this was happening, so i called them and told them where i was at and where i was going. my dad immediately came to the hospital to visit me. he was grieving as well from my tata (his dad) so there wasn’t much for us to talk about. we could just havea short convo about how we’ll get through it and everything is okay.

the next day i was taken to phoenix, az to a hospital in an ambulance. i was strapped down and the lady next to me was telling me about how i’m going to be okay and she was in the exact same position as me with postpartum depression when she had her kids. it made me feel a little better but i couldn’t get over the fact that i was strapped down.

i arrived at the hospital how i came, strapped. they wheeled me into the psych area and everyone looked at the new girl. a female staff member looked at me when taking my picture and said “wow, you’re so pretty”. thank you beautiful black woman.

i spent a week there. i talked to psychiatrists and told them I had ppd. they diagnosed me with 4-5 mental health disorders and put me on antipsychotics. i tried a total of 6 meds in one week. they made me feel dizzy, weak, cloudy asf (zoning in and out), i saw lines on the bathroom floor that weren’t there, and i could barely walk to get breakfast in the morning. I didn’t have a choice but to take their meds because they wouldn’t release me until they made me “think right”, or not at all. i was getting visitations from my ex. my i showed him paperwork of symptoms ( i really do have mental disorders such as bipolar, etc and even though that’s not what i was there for, it helped to have a professional tell me im not crazy just bipolar and bpd). after that, i told him to leave because he was the reason i went to the ER that night ( recently found out he was fucking around w females before and after that week yet he wanted to say he really cared and was really concerned ).

when i was finally released, i took my meds for a month then stopped. they were making me too tired to do anything. a couple months later he messaged me about how he missed his family, so i took him back. i thought that after everything i went through and if he really wanted his family, we should be alright. everything i stated above that he did previously, he kept up. sending pics of my baby to other females from when we were broken up talking about how he missed them and wanted to move in w them. keep in mind, i NEVER cheated or even talked to another guy like that since high school, the very beginning.

just recently in March was a birthday party that i set up and decorated, invited everyone to but no one showed up. while opening presents, he was acting weird with his phone. I asked to take pictures on it and he tried hiding it from me. i looked at the notifications and he was messaging a girl right then and there asking her to go to the strip club with him, talking about “sharing” me! this happened 2 WEEKS AFTER I HAD AN ABORTION OF HIS BABY (baby #2). i was suffering the loss of my second child and from the pain i experienced having rods inside me, seeing a friend i made in the clinic cry her heart out, etc. after he got caught, he told me the messages were “old” and “she just so happened to reply that day”, “you thought i trusted you? lol”, “this is all your fault you dont have to be like this but you CHOOSE to and it’s your fault we don’t have a family”, etc. i can’t remember the rest because those words alone were the most hurtful words i’ve heard in my life.

moving on to recently, i broke up with him. he kept acting like it didnt happen even though i broke up w him due to domestic violence. i figured the only way i can get him to understand is by doing what he’s always done to me and what i didn’t want to do. i slept with someone else and allowed myself to get caught. more domestic violence heppened, and he kept calling me a cheater even though i kept telling him we broke up a while ago. now we are living in different households and so far we are coparenting well. this is current, 4 years after being together. I’m filled with peace and optimism. my confidence went up because i no longer have to deal w my partner looking at naked girls on social media while im in the same room.

im 21 currently and after this breakup i thought i couldn’t trust anyone anymore. these past few days i’ve been processing everything. I’m processing the abuse i survived for years. mental, phsyical, and verbal abuse is the reason why i couldn’t leave no matter how many times i tried. i forgive my old self because she didn’t have enough experience to know how to deal with those situations. she thought she was forever stuck. i’m proud of how much shes improved. it takes serious strength to go through all of that the past 4 years and to come out stronger, better, smarter.

I want to share my story with the girls out there stuck in repetitive cycles. I made a post previously of lessons I learned while being with him and I can continue that list in another post if you’d like. I’m sharing my story to let you know the real deal. the nitty-gritty of this situation. I left out a few things that I had to go through as well because it was outside of this relationship, but there isn’t a single thing I would take back or change if i could. I’d rather come out as a strong 21 yr old already knowing the things i know now than to be ignorant of my situation and waste years of my life being abused by someone i love so much. I still love him of course, but i know that to be with him is the same thing as self-sabotage and I’m not willing to put my health at risk again. btw, your health SHOULD NEVER be at risk when you’re in a relationship point blank PERIOD!! they should be there for you when you’re grieving instead of cheating & abusing your state of mind. that was a little too specific and obvious but you get the point.

so to all the young ladies out there, i have a few tips from my experiences. if you never want to experience something similar, please pay attention.

- you don’t have to settle for anyone you don’t want to settle for and you don’t need a reason either. this is YOUR life and it’s important that you recognize that whatever you’re going through is a result of your choices.

- when someone lies for no reason, that;s enough of a reason to leave. they don’t care how their lies effect you and if they lie about small shit/for no reason how do you know your whole relationship/friendship isn’t a lie?? these are the type of people that’ll talk shit about you to your enemies, i learned from him.

- if someone undertsands how specific people have horribly affected you and they continue to speak with them on a daily basis, take that as they chose those people over you.

- if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries you need to leave bc that is also a form of abuse. they walk all over you and end up controlling you slowly but surely

- if they bring up traumatic experiences from your life in a malicious way, that’s abuse so leave

- if they constantly trigger you, that’s abuse so leave

- always choose other peoples sides over you even when others are wrong, theyd choose to backup anyone but you. that aint a real one thats a fake

- if it’s hard for them to understand how much pain they put you through, leave bc it’ll only get worse and they don’t care until it’s them

- if they know you love language but refuse to tend to it because its “pointless” to them, they dont actually love you

- pay attention to what they say when they’re mad. they’ll tell you how they really feel about you. anger doesn’t lie, liars do.

- if you have emntal health issues and they keep doing their own thing at the expense of your mental health, understand that they truly do NOT care about you.

- someone who doesn’t see the wrong or severity in THEIR actions but always sees the bad in everything YOU do is a narcissist (please do your research on this topic)

- if they spend more money on weed than necessities, they’ll lead a clear path of addiction for you

- if they are okay with putting their hands on you saying “you made me do it” or “i did it for a reason”, they don’t see anything wrong with physically abusing you

- a push eventually leads to headbutts and getting thrown on the floor. i left before headbutts turned into slaps and punches

- if they tell you someone else will end up beating you, they want to do it themselves and will eventually. it’s best to leave ASAP and never look back

- if they know you need money but refuse to give it to you, they’re making you dependent on them and it IS a form of abuse too

- if they know you need basic things like clothes but spend money on themselves instead (weed, etc), they do NOT care about you

I’m truly sorry for all of the women and young ladies, even kids who have to go through the tortures of a man. It seems as though men have been conditioned to be selfish for so long that it’s in their DNA. Personly I have had bad experiences with every single man in my life EXCEPT for my tata who passed in January of 2021. He was truly the most genuine man in my life, always took care of me and talked to me about the most important things in life. I would take naps when i was little and wake up to him waiting for me to wake up, smiling and adoring my little face. When he left, I lost the most important person in my lifeat the time. Now my main focus is teaching my son to be just like him, because I have never had such a lifetime of positive experiences with any other protective figure in my life. It’s important to understand that as a woman who’s fully capable of being independent, YOU are the catch because for someone to walk into YOUR life is a PRIVILEGE.

I love you all. domestic violence happens all too often. My sisters have been through it and i watched them fall apart, then rebuild their lives in their 30s. My aunt has died from domestic violence, my mom has experienced it, etc. we must stick together, defend each other, teach each other, and help each other. A long journey of helping your loved ones through these situations is better than losing them forever. protect these girls and women, stand together, recognize that you just as capable as a man, and you’re the boss in your life. hire and fire people accordingly. to be a woman is a beautiful thing. we can go through hell and come out stronger, prettier, more confident, and independent.

if you are currently going through a similar situation, i see you. i feel you. i WAS you. i know how hard it is to leave, and even though you want to, i know you have to strategically plan that shit out. dont worry, talk to the Universe, cry, and make the choices that right for YOU. you will survive, you will come out stronger, and you are loved, extremely loved. you’ll get out of it soon, just promise yourself to hang in there until your victory day comes.

affirmations for the survivor:

i am safe. i am divinely protected. i am loved. i am whole. i love myself. i am beautiful. i am sexy. i am captivating. i am confident. i trust myself.

affirmations for the person going through it rn:

i am who i say i am. i prove everything to myself, i dont need external validation. i am wonderful. i am loved. i am taken care of by the Universe. i am strong. i will get through anything i set my mind to.

stay safe, look out for each other 🫶✌️

[futurebicon]

No Control Part 3

Julian is nonbinary in this fic and I think they will be in all of my fics from now on even though in my original NB Jules fic they came out when they were older.

I wrote this in 4 hours. Kinda proud. I might try and stay up late and get the next part written tonight if at all possible. (No idea how many parts this will be) I've finally used this tablet enough so that the keyboard is a decent speed.

Warning- hospital, injury, not really panic attack but being in shock, no medical knowledge

"Hey Captain No Spleen." James smirked.

Sirius smiled back but was quickly overwhelmed by all the greetings.

"How are you feeling, min fils?" Dumo asked.

Sirius looked at Remus. The words Dumo just said formed slightly over his lips, hoping the movement brought recognition of the meaning to his mind. He shook his head as it failed to remember. "Re" he whispered inaudibly.

Remus nodded and soothed back his hair. "It's okay."

"He's having some trouble understanding what people are saying. It takes a while for his mind to process the words and with his amnesia he sometimes doesn't remember what the words mean." He explained.

"That'll go away, right?" Kasey asked.

"Yeah." Remus nodded. "Once his mind heals more or once the shock of it wears off."

"Logan?" Sirius spoke. Everyone was obviously shocked by how small his voice sounded.

"He's okay." James told him.

'Slow' Remus mouthed as Sirius blinked in confusion.

"He's okay." James repeated slowly. "Leo and Finn are with him. He's resting."

Sirius nodded in understanding.

"He was worried about you." Thomas told him.

"Good" Sirius smirked with his eyes closed.

"That's a bit rude, spleenless." James shook his head with a smile. All of them glad to see some sign of their Captain.

"How- how-" Sirius struggled.

"How what, baby?"

"When-" He groaned.

"Is it about Logan?"

"No" he gritted out forcefully.

"It's okay. Just take your time, love."

"Other- when- can't think-" Sirius hit the bed in frustration. "Can't think."

"Hey, hey, shh." Remus took his hand. "It's okay. It's okay. I know it must be frustrating but it's okay. Just breathe love and then take your time."

"Other- car" he said a minute later after trying to form the right words.

"What happened to the other car?" Dumo tried when Sirius didn't say anything else.

"Yes" Sirius breathed in relief that someone understood.

"Oh, um. They think it was a hit and run."

'Hit and run' Sirius mouthed.

"It means that the driver hit your car and then drove off." Remus explained.

"Why- did- would-"

"We don't know but the police are investigating." James told him.

"Oh. Have- talk to-"

"You don't have to talk to them now, but once you're better you might. Logan told them what happened earlier." Remus assured him.

"Oh-kay" he sounded out.

Anymore conversation was cut off by the door opening.

"Hey Cap." Finn smiled tiredly as Leo and him walked into the room.

"What happened? Where's Logan?" Dumo asked.

"He's fine" Finn told him "Kicked us out so he could sleep and they could run tests."

"You okay, Knut?" Remus noticed Leos cornered animal appearance.

"Hm? Oh. I'm okay." He darted his eyes down when he made eye contact.

"Think I'm just tired." His voice was a quiet and slurred mutter.

"Here. No one sit." Kuny had stood up from his chair, knowing Leo was too dazed to notice.

'Thank you' Finn mouthed as Leo sat down. Serigi moved so Finn could sit beside him.

"Le- okay?" Sirius asked.

Finn gave him a confused look before Remus retold what was going on.

"Oh. Yeah. I think he's just in shock still." He said slow for Sirius. "He was weird with Logan when we first saw him. Said he was scared to hurt him. I'm pretty sure he just needs sleep."

"Hey that news place they were going to do the interview for just tweeted. 'Due to irresponsible time management, childish pranking, or just plain laziness, Logan Trembley and Sirius Black did not show up for their interview today. Apologize to all who were anxiously awaiting to read it.'" James read the post.

"So no one told anyone?" Kasey asked.

"I have a picture of the car that the police gave us." Finn smirked. "Should I log in to the teams account and retweet their post?"

"Do it." Everyone told him to.

"Coach said do it." Kasey read his reply. "He said the league hasn't responded to anything he has told them and hasn't even heard anything he told them. So this should get enough of their attention."

"What do I say?" Finn asked. "Just 'Here's why'?"

"Make sure to say that they're alive" Dumo told him.

"Re" Sirius hit Remus's arm. "Too many- go slower- want to know."

"Guys." Remus said loud enough for everyone to stop talking. "Slow down, one at a time." He nodded towards Sirius.

"Sorry" Sirius muttered and looked down. Like he was ashamed that he couldn't process what they were saying.

"It's okay." Dumo shook his head.

"The interview you were going to posted something petty about how you weren't there." Remus explained. "Finn is going to post a picture of the crash because we're also petty."

Sirius smiled at the words. "League don't-"

"Coach is trying to tell them but they won't listen."

"Now they will." James wiggled his eyebrows.

Finn cleared his throat dramatically, making Sirius smile and Leo giggle, before reading what he had typed like he was reading a message from the king.

"Sirius Black and Logan Trembly would of loved to do the interview, but because of someone elses inability to read a speedometer, stop at a red light, and not drive away after hitting a car, they were unable to. They would be estatic to sit down and have a nice chat once they are out of the hospital. We are sorry to anyone anxiously awaiting to see them play next week. Due to a punctured lung, bruised heart, broken ribs, damaged kidney, brain damage, a broken leg, severe whiplash, and a missing organ, they won't be able to make it to the game. Thank you for your understanding and please drive safe."

"Perfect" James laughed.

"And.... posted." Finn pressed the post button dramatically.

"Oh fuck." Remus turned serious. "Did any of us tell families about this?"

"Nope. Shit." Finn pulled his phone back out of his pocket. "I'll go call Lo's parents." He kissed Leo.

"Call mine too?" The happiness that ghosted Leos face when Finn was being dramatic had left him emotionless again.

"Of course, baby." Finn kissed him again and left the room.

"Tell- parents?" Sirius looked at Remus.

"I'll tell them." Remus nodded.

"We'll go." Dumo said.

"I probably should answer my parents." James held up his phone.

"Noelle's gonna murder me." Talker whined as his rang.

The team trickled out till it was just Sirius and Remus.

"Remus?" Hope answered the phone. "We saw what was posted. Is he alright?"

"He's okay, mom." Remus assured her.

"Oh thank god." Lyall breathed.

Sirius smiled at their reactions to him being okay.

"Can I talk to him?" Jules asked.

"Yeah he's right here bu-"

They cut him off. Going a million miles an hour.

Sirius gave Remus a pleading look because he loved Jules and he knew that they talked like this but right now Sirius needed them to slow down.

"Jules- Jules." Remus tried to stop his sibling. "Slow down. Let me talk first."

Remus heard his parents quiet them.

"Sirius is having some trouble understanding what people are saying. It takes a while for his mind to process the words and he also has some very slight amnesia that's making it a little hard for him to remember what some words mean. So when you talk just talk slowly like I am and you're going to have to make sure you talk clearly, especially through the phone."

"Why can't he understand the words?" Jules had slowed down but their slow was other peoples normal.

"Slower, kiddo. He hit his head pretty hard in the accident, like a really bad concussion. He also has some trouble talking and remembering words."

"Ohhh" Jules dragged out the word.

How are you feeling, Sirius?" Hope asked, speaking perfectly.

"I'm- good." Sirius told her.

"What injures are yours?" Jules sounded out each sylible.

"Can talk- faster-." Sirius laughed, trying hard to talk well.

"From Finns list and the doctors he was, broken leg, whiplash, brain injury, punctured lung, broken rib, and his spleen was ruptured in the crash and had to be removed but spleens aren't too necessary apparently."

"You don't have an organ?" Jules asked in awe.

"Nope" Sirius laughed.

"Well we'll leave you to get better." Hope said. "Don't be surprised if we show up in the next few days." They said their goodbyes loudly.

+++

"Okay?" Sirius asked when Leo walked in an hour later.

"Logan, uh, Logan had to go into surgery." he put his hands in the pockets of his, possibly Logans or maybe Finns, sweatshirt and bunched it up as he rocked on his heels.

"Why?" Remus asked.

"Misdiagnosed his heart and it was actually more serious than just a bruise. It was actually a tear or some-something. He- he flatlined while we were up there."

Cliffhanger I'm sorry

It's only gonna get angstier

@lumosinlove

[sheepdog-and-fakegoldenretriever]

Fuck just did the stupidest thing with the dogs.

Just got home from work as thunder starts. They're both excited/freaking out.

Bailey needs her pain relief. Cut up some chicken, winston gets a greenie - adds excitement. Bailey cannot have a greenie due to tooth extraction but she gets one routinely with winston every night. She looks for one as I get her tablet.

Still thundering.

Bailey finishes her food but winston hasn't touched his greenie.

I pick it up to prevent guarding.

Put it down and he eats it

Great, I'll pop outside to see dad and give him a drink I bought when out.

Winston got up wanting to follow me outside. Must have left his greenie.

Hear thunder when outside. Then hear dogs barking really Hugh pitch.

RUN back inside cos I think they're fighting over greenie. Everyone is calm and ok???? UNTILL I see Bailey with Winstons greenie....

Wins ok but stressed.

Bailey came in after eating greenie and she has a cut on her face 😳

It's fine but I'll need to watch it cos it's on her lower eyelid.

Dumbest fucking idiot right now. I should have never left them alone with the greenie even for 3 mins. I knew I was making the wrong decision but did it anyway?

Is this my brain working 9 days in a row with 1 day off fucking with me? Probably because I'm not thinking.

Thank fuck bailey is on pain relief.

[red1culous]

Listen to Me

A/N: Huge shout out to @jumbojamba47​ for the brilliant idea for this fic and helping me out with it.

“I think that it would be better if we…” you start before being rudely interrupted yet again by Natasha.

“Thanks but we go this way. Steve will take the overpass. I’ll clear out the underpass. And you just stay here until we get back” she barks out her orders. The three of you hunkered down behind some tall bushes 100 metres from a (relatively) small Hydra operations base in the Balkans.

“Natasha with all due respect…” you try again. In your defence you knew this base better than either of them having once been held against your will there before being rescued by Shield.

“No!” her answer is final and this time she doesn’t even glance at you.

“What?” you say your anger starting to bubble over.

“I said no, L/N. We do it this way or you don’t participate at all” she spits out.

Steve shoots you a sympathetic smile. “Natasha listen I know you’re…” you try again but this time she just gets up and starts towards the entrance of the the Hydra base.

Steve sighs and gets up to follow her, “she just wants what’s best for you, Y/N” he says before running after her. A few minutes later you lose sight of the both of them and scream in frustration into the crook of your arm. This was the 3rd mission that you’ve been on that Natasha has had you sit out. You were more than able to look after yourself but after your kidnap and torture at the hands of some Hydra splinter cell where you were held for over a month, Natasha has been ultra protective of you to the point that it’s starting to affect your personal (and romantic) relationship with the redhead. Sometimes she wouldn’t even touch you for fear that she might hurt you. It was driving you insane. What was worse is that there was no way of speaking to her about it. Every time you broached the subject with her she would shut off completely.

You would check in on the coms every 2 minuets for updates. Occasionally you would hear grunts and groans indicating  that Steve or Natasha were were being met with some resistance but overall it seemed that everything was under control. You were still seething that the way Natasha treated you but knew better than to let it affect the mission at hand.

“Steve” you called into your earpiece, “updates”.

“All clear up here. I’m heading to the roof access exit to wait for Romanoff” he says clear as day.

“Great. She shouldn’t be too far away” you reply looking at the monitor on your lap showing the location of Steve and your girlfriend as 2 red dots moving along the facility.

“Natasha updates please” you speak again.

Nothing but static.

“Natasha” you sit up slightly noticing that her red dot hasn’t moved yet.

“Shit” you say to yourself.

“Language Y/N” Steve reprimands you, “what’s wrong is it Natasha?”

“Possibly. She isn’t responding and her tracker isn’t moving” you say worry lacing your words.

“I’m going back. You can lead me to where she is” he says without hesitation.

“No Steve, I’m going in” you start to pack away the tablet and load your pistols.

You hear Steve huff, “not a chance, Y/N, I’m going”.

“Steve listen. I am the one who knows this base best. If you go there it’ll take you 15 mins to get to her location. It’s gonna take me 5. I can get her out of there” you speak in a hushed tone as you make your way into the clearing towards the hidden entrance in the side wall.

“Stay put Y/N I’m already moving” Steve says brushing you off.

You’ve had it up to here with the two of them babysitting you. Through gritted teeth and probably steam coming out of your ears you say in a low voice, “just because you are an all powerful entity and Natasha acts like the Virgin Mary please don’t treat me like a McNobody. You just sit your ass down on that roof and stop being such a bitch and wait for me to get there with Natasha! Can you do that Steve?”

He stops in his tracks and back-pedals a little. After a few moments of silence you hear him mutter out something that sounds like an OK to you. Satisfied you continue on your trek towards Natasha’s last known location. Having taken the air vents you reach her in no time. Nat you call out not seeing her where her tracker said she would be. You hear muffled groans and some soft coughing from behind a door.

Slowly you push open the door, your gun at the ready. The dimly lit place appeared to be some sort of store room. You found Natasha sitting on the floor behind the door her pistol in her left hand.

“Nat!” you rush towards her and check her for injuries, “are you ok? You didn’t answer the coms”

“Yeah that guy was distracting me” she looks behind you to a soldier lying lifeless in a pool of his own blood.

“You’re hurt” you say reaching into your backpack for your bandages.

“It’s just a flesh wound” she bites her lower lip as you wrap her thigh up. The hole from the stab wound is oozing blood and it take you 3 wraps of bandages before it starts to slow a little. She watches as you work silently. Still a little mad at how you were treated you focus on the wound and will yourself not to look up at her.

When you’re all done patching her up you squeeze her arm, “all done let’s get you out of here” you say helping her up to her feet. You sling her arm over your shoulder and carry most of her weight as you make your way to the roof.

With how slow it was taking Natasha you call in to the coms.

“Steve I have Natasha. Stab wound to the thigh. Change of plans. Meet you at the river in the forest” you say calmly leaning Natasha against the wall so the both of you could rest for a while.

“Are you sure?” Steve says sounding frantic.

“Yes. See you there in 15” you really did not want to shout at him again so kept it as short as possible.

Looking towards Natasha who is leaning heavily against the wall you shoot her a smile before taking her arm one more time. Instead of going the ‘normal’ way you take her through a grate in the floor which leads to a large sewer complex.

“Are you sure this is the right way?” Natasha speaks softly after walking for 7 minutes.

“This is the right way” you answer curtly.

“Hey, stop stop stop” she says putting her weight behind her literally forcing you to stop. You look at her surprised and before you can say anything she adds, “I’m sorry for being a hard ass”.

You huff.

“Y/N I’m serious” she pulls at your chin so you’re facing her, “I heard what you said to Steve and yea, I have been unfair”.

“Baby it’s ok” you say reaching for the hand holding your chin unable to be upset with her looking so pale and fragile.

“No it’s not, don’t say it is” she scolds you.

You just raise your eyebrow at her. She smiles and continues, “Sorry. I was just so worried you know after the last time…”

“I know”

“I’m sorry” she says again.

“I know”

“Can you say something other than I know. It’s unsettling” this time she cups your cheek.

“I love you” you say and she softens at the words. A smile tugs at the corner of her lips.

“I love you too” she leans forward and kisses you on the nose, “now get me out of here and I’ll show you I’m no Virgin Mary” she says struggling to maintain a neutral facial expression.

You chuckle at her words, “yes ma’am”.

As you turn the bend and reach the mouth of the sewer. In the distance Steve is waiting by the river. He runs when he sees you two and helps support Nat’s other side as the three of you walk towards the extraction point.

------------------

Tagging: @natasharomanoffismywife​ @imnotasuperhero​ @ellebellerules @cybeleceto​ @silverwing2522​ @thelastavenger-3000​ @peggycarter-steverogers​ @niquey-salvatore​ @rooskaya-yelena @jumbojamba47​

I made a doo doo and mixed up who wanted to be tagged in what. So if you want to be on the taglust for everything plse let me know. Or likewise if you want to be removed also hit me up [ill oblige but not before crying buckets].

[massivelycreepypineapple]

Their Perfect Little Family

Request: Ahhhhh! So I am a regular reader on Tumblr & found your blog today! Your writing is beautiful and I loved it soooo much! And that surgeon Jensen fluff story? Omg❤️ I was curious if you can write gynac Jensen where it's his wife's delivery and he is her gynac and their whole 9 months journey? Like just small parts for everything, Injections, sonograms, cravings, sickness? Make it as a 3-4 parts series if you want or some small bits in a single one shot. Also please write if it's not too much ❤️

Pairing: Gynac!Jensen Ackles x Fem!Reader

Warning: So much FLUFF. Be warned guys! It’s sickening. One or two bad jokes too but I'm not sorry. 

A/N: I actually had a lot of fun writing this one. I learnt a lot about pregnancies and gynaecologists caz of all the research I did, which is why it took so long for me to get this out. Sorry bout that! 

Feedback is always appreciated, y’all!

Word Count: 3987 (oops! hehe)

❅ ❅ ❅

Being married to one of the best ob-gyn in the country definitely had its perks. It sure got Y/N a wonderful penthouse that was on the 25th floor, a balcony with a killer view and a lifestyle that was definitely not bad. It wasn’t that she needed this to be happy, but it sure didn’t hurt. But the biggest perk of all was the comfort Y/N took in knowing that she and her baby were in safe hands with her husband. 

It was only yesterday when she found out that she was pregnant. It wasn’t that she and Jensen were trying for a baby. The irony wasn’t lost on her. He delivered so many babies but they never talked about having one themselves. But that didn’t stop her from feeling joy at the prospect of being a mother. At the same time, to say that she was nervous of his reaction was an understatement. So when Jensen came home that night, she lost her nerve and decided to find a better way to tell him. 

Which is why the next day she found herself at the hospital where he works and asked the receptionist for an appointment with him. She knew he didn’t have a lot of patients today and it would be the perfect time and the perfect way to tell him. Y/N sat in the waiting room, drinking water and flipping through a magazine when her name was called. She made her way into the room and saw Jensen typing away in his computer. 

“Please take a seat, I’ll be with you in a moment” He said very professionally and without looking up. 

“Is that how you're gonna greet your wife, Dr. Ackles?” Y/N smirked at him. 

She watched in amusement as he looked at her in surprise and a grin creeping onto his face. He quickly made his way around the table and hugged her. He kissed her softly on the lips.  

“To what do I owe this pleasure, Mrs. Ackles?” 

“Can’t a girl simply make an appointment to see her husband?” She teased. 

“She can,” He said with a smirk and wrapping his arms around her waist. “But she’ll be keeping him from some very important work.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll just have to put you to work huh?”

“Why are you here, Y/N?”

“I have an appointment with you, Jay.”

“Yes, I know” He said before frowning, “Is everything okay? What’s wrong?” He went behind his desk to look at her file for the first time that day. In which he noticed that she was here for a sonogram for being pregnant. Y/N watched his eyes go wide and she bit her lip, unsure of how he’d react. 

“W-what” He whispered. He looked up at her and immediately made his way to her again. “Are you serious? How long have you known, Y/N?”

“Since yesterday, Jay. I wanted to tell you last night but I was nervous and scared. Then I figured I could surprise you here.”

He breathed out with a laugh. “We’re pregnant,” He said in awe. He quickly wrapped her up in his arms and held her tightly. “This is amazing, sweetheart. I’m so happy!” 

“I’m happy too, Jay.” Y/N replied tearing up. 

He wiped her tears with his thumb and kissed her deeply. He held her in his arms for a little bit longer.

“Let’s go get you that sonogram, yeah?”

“Yeah” She grinned.

________

30 mins later

Y/N found herself lying on the bed in the sonogram room. Jensen was setting up the monitor. She was nervous and so was he. She could see him fiddling with the thing and trying to set it up right. He was slightly cursing to himself due to nervousness. When everything was set up, he made his way with the gel and the scanner. He sat down on the stool beside her bed. The nurse had offered to help but he refused. This was his wife and his child. He wanted it to be just them. He pulled her t-shirt up, Y/N helped him out by pulling it higher.

“This is gonna be a bit cold.” He said before applying the gel to the scanner. But Jensen didn’t move. He kept staring at her tummy with a nervous look on his face.

“Babe” Y/N whispered to him. He didn’t budge. She grabbed his hand that was holding her t-shirt and only then did he get out of his trance and looked up at her. 

“I-I’m scared, Y/N. That’s our baby in there. It’s one thing to do this for other patients, but this is ours.” 

“I’m scared too, Jay. But this baby is going to be so lucky to have you as a father. It’s going to be okay.” Y/N sat up a little to place her palm on the side of his face. He leaned into it and they stayed like that for a couple of seconds with her caressing his face. It was calming to the both of them. 

Jensen placed the scanner on her tummy, making her flinch a little because of the cold. The monitor in front lit up with a picture of their little bean and they could hear the heartbeat.

“You see right there?” Asked Jensen tearing up a bit and pointing to a small area on the screen. “That’s our little girl or boy.”

Y/N was sniffling. “It’s so small” She whispered, making him chuckle. 

“Yeah. That’s our little pea, Y/N. You’re about 5 weeks along, sweetheart.” He said, looking into her tear filled eyes with a big smile.

_______

3rd month in

It was 4am and Y/N found herself throwing up her dinner down the toilet. It was all nice and exciting when they first found out about the baby. But as the third month rolled in, morning sickness was royally kicking her ass. She threw up once again into the toilet and right then she felt an arm wrap around her waist as the other pulled her hair back. She felt Jensen kneel behind her as he helped her through this ordeal.

“I hate this, Jay! When will this end?” She said sniffling. 

“I know, honey. I know” He soothed her.

“It was supposed to end by now! You said three months!” She exclaimed. 

“I know sweetheart. But sometimes it takes longer.” He kissed her temple. 

Y/N puked one last time before getting up and washing in the sink. Jensen then led her back to bed and made her drink two glasses of water. He then crawled in next to her. She immediately turned around to become little spoon so Jensen could wrap her in his arms and place his hand on her growing stomach.

Ever since she started showing, Jensen had become more and more touchy. He loved placing his hands on her stomach, talking to the baby or even singing to it on some nights. He even got over protective of her. He worried about her constantly and made sure she drank a lot of water, much to her protest. But it was necessary to keep her hydrated. He noticed that her morning sickness was worse than what mothers normally go through. The doctor part of him knew that it was nothing too bad, but the husband and father part of him worried a lot. 

The next day before leaving for home, he made sure to write a prescription for nausea tablets to help her out a little. He hated seeing her in such discomfort. He also in the last week rearranged his schedule to make sure he was at home with Y/N. She had the liberty to work from home but she didn’t realise that Jensen was home more than usual. Call it pregnancy brain or whatever. Or perhaps she just enjoyed it so much she didn’t question it. Until she didn’t…

Y/N was standing on the dining chair to get something from a high shelf. She wanted to do something nice for Jensen and decided to make his favourite. Just as she was about to grab whatever she needed, she heard the keys in the lock and the door open. 

“Honey I’m home!” He chuckled. 

“Hi baby!” She said, hoping he wouldn’t come into the kitchen just yet and see her. But of course, knowing him the first thing he always did was greet her with a kiss. Jensen came into the kitchen and froze. He immediately placed the medicine bag on the counter and rushed to her side.

“Y/N! How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing this?!” He said irritated. He grabbed her waist and helped her down.

“God, Jensen! Stop babying me! I was fine! I just needed to get some stuff that’s all!” She snapped at him. 

“It’s not fine! It won’t be fine if the chair topples over! It’s not just you okay? It’s our kid who’ll get hurt too!” He yelled.

“I know that! God you never let me forget! The damn nausea doesn’t let me forget! You’re always hovering around me. It’s like you’re home more than at work!” She yelled back. That’s when it hit her that it was only 3:30 in the afternoon and Jensen was home. “Why are you home so early, Jay?” She said her voice softer.

He sighed and rubbed his face. “I want to be here with you ok? So I rearranged my schedule a bit.” 

Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck and placed her head on his shoulder. “You don’t have to do that. You’re a gynaecologist, Jay. You know I’ll be fine.”

He hugged her back and said softly, “I know. But I’ve seen mothers miscarry or sometimes it’s really touch and go for both of them. They fall and get hurt. I can’t have that happen to you or our little bean, Y/N.” 

She hugged him tighter. “I didn’t realise it was harder for you. I’m sorry I’ve been so stubborn and irritable.”

“It’s okay, you get to be. But please just save me the heart attack.” He said chuckling. 

“Yeah okay” Y/N grinned at him before kissing his lips. 

“Let’s order in tonight.”

_______

A week later

Jensen just finished with a patient and walked into the sonogram room. Y/N was waiting for him in there, ready to find out the gender of their baby. An intern, James, was setting everything up and making small talk with Y/N. Jensen was training him and he figured that he could help out with this.

“Hi, honey” Smiled Y/N “Ready for the moment of truth?”

“God, I’m nervous” Grinned Jensen. 

“Me too” She smiled back.

He smiled softly and kissed her forehead. James got the scanner prepared and placed it on her stomach. The monitor lit up and showed their baby. Y/N was holding onto Jensen’s hand really tightly and his grip on her was no less hard. 

“Congratulations guys, it’s a boy!” Grinned James. 

“Thanks, James.” Whispered Jensen, not taking his eyes off the screen. He made his way where James was seated and patted his shoulder. James got the message and passed the scanner to him and left the room with a short goodbye to Y/N. Jensen took a seat and pressed the scanner back. 

“Our baby boy, Jay” Whispered Y/N tearing up. “And he’s so much bigger than the last time.” She gave a watery chuckle. 

Jensen grinned at her, “Yeah, he’s gonna grow up strong like his mamma.”

“He’s going to have the best daddy in the world.” She looked at him with such love in her eyes. 

Jensen dropped the scanner and grabbed her face and kissed her hard and rested his forehead against hers.

“I love you so much, Y/N”

“I love you too, Jay” 

__________

5th month in

“You need to eat healthy, Y/N. It’s good for you and Charles.” Said Jensen sternly holding a plate of green stuff in their kitchen. It was the weekend and they were both having a relaxing day in and Y/N was hoping for junk food and movies that night. But lately, Jensen was becoming this crazy ‘eat healthy’ advocate and it’s been driving her up the walls.

“Firstly Jay, we’re not calling him, Charles. He’s not related to the royal family for Christ’s sake. And secondly, keep that rubbish away from me and my baby.” She said crossing her arms. 

“Hey! Charles is a fine name!” He exclaimed. “And no, you have to eat this, sweetheart. You promised to eat what I say if I go easy on your exercise.” 

“Jay please!” She whined. “I had crappy green stuff for breakfast. I can’t do this again! I want tacos. Your son wants tacos!”

“Okay, how bout you eat this now, and I’ll make you tacos in the morning.” Jensen reasoned. 

“No.”

“Y/N…”

“You eat that crappy stuff if you want but I’m making myself a bacon sandwich.” She said and began fixing herself a sandwich. “With loads of bacon!” 

Jensen groaned at that. She loved testing him. Sure he could be a little overprotective. But he just wanted them healthy. Was that too much to ask? Does being a doctor have no value anymore? But she did have a point, the green stuff was crappy. He threw the thing away, “Make me one too”. 

She smirked at him triumphantly and went about making what normal people considered food. “And definitely not Charles!” 

____________

Few hours later

“Jay” Y/N whispered. It was 1am and they were in bed, Jensen fast asleep. “Jay” she said a little louder, making him mumble and wake up a little.

“Are you asleep?” She asked.

“Y/N, I love you. But I won’t hesitate to gag you.” He mumbled sleepily.

“But Jay, I want ice cream.” 

“There’s some in the freezer, go and get it.”

“But that’s chocolate. I want pistachio.”

Jensen groaned louder at that. “Can you manage with chocolate? I’ll get you pistachio tomorrow.”

“But what if I don’t crave it tomorrow?” 

“Oh my god, Y/N. Just eat the damn chocolate for now! I have an early day tomorrow.” He snapped lightly without meaning to, trying to get back to sleep.

Y/N huffed at him and began to sit up. She teared up at that. Pregnancy hormones were a real bummer. She had no control. She knew she was being unreasonable but she couldn’t help it. She felt guilty for putting Jensen through this, but at the same time she was annoyed with him for being so comfortable. 

The bed shook a bit as she placed her feet on the ground, waking Jensen up again. He noticed her sniffling. He sighed a bit and got out of bed and made his way to her side. He kneeled down in front of her, “I’m sorry sweetheart. I didn’t mean to snap.” 

“It’s okay” She mouthed trying not to sob. But that didn’t last long and she started crying. Jensen immediately sat beside her and pulled her into his side and rubbed her back. 

“Shh.. I got you. It’s gonna be okay. You’re okay.” He whispered to her, placing kisses on the top of her head.

“I’m sorry! I don’t know why i’m crying.”

“Don’t apologise, baby. It’s your hormones. They’re just a little out of whack right now.” He reassured her. “Just let go, honey. I got you. I’m sorry I snapped. I love you so much.”

He held her like that for a while until she calmed down. “Go back to sleep, Jay. You have an early day.” 

“Nope, you come first right now. I’m going to get you some pistachio ice cream okay?” He said getting dressed. 

“Can I come with you? I don’t want to be alone” Y/N asked hesitantly. 

Jensen gave her a big smile. “Midnight snack with the mother of my baby? How could I say no?” 

He gave her his sweatshirt to wear and helped her up to the main door. On the way Y/N stopped suddenly wincing slightly. Jensen panicked, “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“I-I think I felt a kick” She whispered. She took his hand and placed it on her stomach. And as if the baby could feel his dad, he kicked once more. Jensen’s whole face lit up at that. He was grinning so wide. He dropped to his knees and kissed her tummy. “God, this is amazing.” he then began talking to his baby, “Hi, there little man. It’s your daddy. I can’t believe you kicked for the first time. Your mamma and I love you so much, my little pea. We can’t wait to meet you.” 

Y/N was tearing up again but this time it was because of the overwhelming love she had for her husband. Watching him talk to her belly so softly, this was it for her. Her perfect family. She didn’t think she could fall in love with Jensen anymore, but this moment right here. She fell in love all over again, the ice cream long forgotten. 

_________

7th month in

Y/N was sitting on the hospital bed in Jensen’s room. She was due for her first TT shot and she was not happy about that to say the least. 

“Why are we doing this again?” She asked.

“So you and the baby are safe from diseases. It’s a preventative measure, sweetheart.”

“Jay you know how I feel about needles.” She said, staring wide eyed at the monstrosity in his hand.

He wiped her left arm with a cotton swab, making her flinch. “I know, I’m right here and I’ll be gentle. It’s only a tiny prick.”

“How bout we do this later?” She asked nervously.

“Just relax, baby. The more you relax your muscles the less it’ll hurt. Trust me.” He smiled at her sweetly. He kissed her lips hard making her relax a little. “That’s better.” He said. 

“Do you calm all your patients this way, Jay?” Y/N asked, dazed from the kiss.

“Only the ones I’m having a baby with.” He teased, before sticking the needle in her slowly. 

“Jay!” She exclaimed from the sudden pain, not too loud but enough to show her distress. 

“It’s over. See?” He said pulling it out and cleaning up. He sat back down beside her and placed a hand on her stomach. She was getting bigger and he loved it so much. “Now you and little pea are going to be just fine.”

“That was more than a prick, Jay! You’re such a prick yourself!” She pouted at him, making him laugh and kiss her pout away. 

“That was such a terrible pun, sweetheart. Besides, You’re fine. You just need one more two weeks from now and then no more shots for you.”

“Oh hell no, Ackles! Stay away from me!” she glared at him and wobbled out the room. Jensen shook his head at her retreating form and laughed a little. He wasn’t worried, he knew he’d be able to get her back in for one more. God, she was adorable. 

___________

8th month in

Jensen had taken leave until the baby arrived and a little longer. Both of them were getting nervous as they got closer to 9 months. They baby proofed the whole house and began setting up the baby room. Y/N was at the last mile of the pregnancy and it was not fun. Her ankles were swollen like crazy and her back was constantly in pain. Her need to pee became quite frequent, disrupting her peace. She got more emotional and poor Jensen took the brunt of it. But he took it happily understanding what she was going through. 

One afternoon Jensen was called into work despite his holiday. It was an emergency and being head of the department it required his presence. But he didn’t want to leave Y/N alone in the house so he figured she’d be safer with him at the hospital where there are professionals to help her if needed.

That’s where Y/N found herself, bored to death and she sat in his office reading a book. An hour later and there was still no sign of Jensen. She decided to take a small walk to stretch her legs. As she was walking around occasionally greeting familiar faces, she felt a small pain in her abdomen. Jensen had already told her about false labor and what to expect from it. But that still didn’t prepare her for the shock and mild panic. She leant against the wall and clutched her stomach as the pain came again. One of the nurses noticed her discomfort and helped her to a couch. She paged Dr. Ackles and sat with her until he arrived. 

10mins later Jensen got to her and helped her to his room. He made her lie down on the bed and felt around her abdomen, making sure it was just Braxton Hicks and nothing serious. He smiled softly at her and kissed her forehead once he made sure. 

“It’s just Braxton Hicks, baby. Nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to worry about?! That motherfucker hurt!” She glared at him.

He raised his hands in defence, amused at her, “It’s just your body preparing itself for the actual birth.” He explained. 

“Jeez, can’t wait for that.” She said getting up. “Can we go home now, Jay?”

“Yeah sweetheart, let’s go” 

Man, her mood swigs are going to be the death of him.

______________

9th month in

Y/N was reading a book on the couch in the living room while Jensen fell asleep while watching tv. The due date was almost here and they were as prepared as can be. They had the hospital bag ready to go. Jensen let the hospital know that he’d be the one delivering his child. No one else was allowed near his wife’s vagina. His words exactly. Now all they had to do was wait till their son was ready to come out. They hadn’t decided on a name yet. But they weren’t too worried about that. They’d figure that out eventually. 

Y/N’s thoughts were interrupted when she felt a warm wetness run down her leg. Her eyes widened when she realised what happened. 

“Jay!” She yelled, but the man slept like a log. She threw a pillow at him and he woke up groggy.

“What? What happened?”

“Jay, my water broke!”

“Oh.. well then fix it.” He said, without thinking and in a sleep induced haze snuggling back into the sofa. 

Y/N was taken aback by his reaction. “My husband, the great doctor, ladies and gentleman!” she exclaimed. “Jensen, my water broke! Your son wants to come out! NOW! STAT!” She yelled at him. That did it. It was quite comical the way he sprung out of the sofa and rushed to her.

“What?! Why didn’t you say that!?” He shouted. Making her laugh at him.

They rushed to the hospital, Jensen parted ways with her for a little bit to get prepped. Y/N was taken to the delivery room and they got her into a hospital gown and ready for birth. She wasn’t fully dilated yet and the contractions were getting more and more painful. Jensen sat with her the entire time, checking every so often to see if she was good to go. 

“You know”, began Y/N she was all woozy from the pain, medication and tiredness. “Your profession really helps with the sex.” 

Jensen laughed at that and blushed a little. “It sure does, sweetheart.” 

“We did good making our baby boy” She mumbled. “It was so much fun.”

“Alright Y/N, let’s meet our boy, hmm? Push when I tell you to, baby” He said.

After hours of tiresome labour, they finally had their baby boy with them. The nurse took him away for a bit to clean him up and Jensen was tearing up as he made sure Y/N was alright. He kissed her lips before saying, “You did such an amazing job, baby. I’m so proud of you. Love you.” 

“I love you so much, Jay.”

The nurse placed their son in Y/N’s arms and left. The two of them sat in awe looking at the little bundle. Their beautiful son was here and well. And Y/N realised just how lucky she was to share this experience with her husband, who got to deliver their son.

❅ ❅ ❅

TAGS BELOW

@hobby27​ @akshi8278

[livingouttheworsttimeline]

Why am I so tired all the time?

4:30 am: youngest child wakes up after wetting the bed. change child, change bedsheets, replace drinks, turn night time music back on, convince youngest child that it is in fact still night time. Climb back into bed a 4:55.

5:00 am: eldest child comes to tell me that youngest child wants to play. I am aware, because I have heard her loudly declaring such since I left their room. Tell oldest child to go back to bed. Pray that, somehow, for the very first time, they will put themselves back to sleep. 

5:05 am: give up on hopeless prayers. Get up and take both children to the living room. Change the youngest into underwear. Log into tablets and override the “do not turn on until 6 am” setting. Wait for coffee to finish brewing.

5:23 am: extract self from underneath 2 children and a dog to pour first cup of coffee. It’s half caff, because spouse has a heart condition. Remind self that I can have several cups with impunity.

5:45 am: Eldest child is unhappy with the pre-made breakfast provided for him the night before. When asked what he would like to eat, he responds, “bacon, chinese food, or pizza.” Explain, again, that we need a variety of foods for our bodies to grow strong. Spend 15 minutes convincing him to eat $5 worth of blackberries as a compromise.

6:12 am: Finish 2nd cup of coffee, realize that eldest child’s night time pull up is overflowing with poop. Usher him to the bathroom for a bath. Feel humbled when I realize that I spent 10 years in grad school, and yet I am still reduced to wiping shit off another person. Calmly remind eldest child that he is capable of using the potty, and that I have confidence in him. 

6:30 am: Spouse awakes, complains that he slept poorly. Roll eyes and go back to drinking 3rd cup of coffee, in between being elbowed in the stomach and explaining that no, I do not know how to work the video game you just downloaded 15 seconds ago. Remind self that I am their physical and mental safe place, which is worth the literal bruises and mental stress. 

6:45 am: extract self from pile of children and dog by physically lifting each dependent off my lap. Verify that spouse is up for supervision duties, collect running clothes, and start treadmill.

6:47 am: stop treadmill because youngest child has entered the room and decided that I will not run today because it’s not fair. Remind self that arguing fairness with a 3 year old is the definition of futility. Gently remind her that I love her, she is a big girl, and she can play independently while I run. 

6:49 am: start treadmill again. Nagging calf pain seems to be back. Scale back workout, remind self that value of the run is not the distance. Do extra core workout to compensate.

7:30 am: shower. Mediate 2 sibling fights from shower. Fortunately, children are camped out in the bathroom with me, so I don’t have to leave a trail of water through the house to interact.

7:35 am: Marvel at the thought that spouse takes a 45 min shower. EVERY DAY. Note gratitude that I am working from home, and no longer have to style hair and makeup. 

7:36 am: Refill kid drink cups for the 3rd time today. Spend 30 minutes convincing, cajoling, and bribing kids to put on clean underwear. We no longer try for clothes. 

8:06 am: turn on work computer. Respond to a weekend full of emails. Handle 5 pressing tasks for side hustle, reasoning that if I get them out of the way, I can push the rest of that to do list to after working hours.

8:45 am: Answer persistent pounding on locked office door. refill drinks and provide snack. Reassure youngest child that mommy is still here, but she needs to work. 

9:03 am: debate whether going to the bathroom is worth leaving the office and the begging that ensues. Make wrong choice either way. 

9:15 am: morning meetings get shuffled later, because childless coworkers “are running late this morning.” Marvel at the concept of 9:15 am being early.

9:30 am: solid wall of meetings until noon. Update team on status at end of last week, despite not remembering what you just ate for breakfast. Realize that you haven’t eaten breakfast. Run training and introduction for new team member. You are the only woman on the team,  so you get do the training because “you’re so good at explaining things.” 

12:00 pm: Call youngest child’s preschool, make sure you can bring by her supplies and still adhere to Covid protocols. Preschool is also side hustle, so cram a parent and employee meeting into a single hour. Explain that new registration system will, in fact, be more efficient than old paper system. Remind preschool staff that we committed to going paperless. Make small talk with preschool teachers until the hour is up. Hop in the car and speed home.

1:00 pm: children adhere to my side the second I walk in the door. Spouse is in the shower. Children have eaten approximately 3 bites of their pb&j sandwiches, and demand different lunch. Remember that you have not eaten lunch yet. Refill drinks for 4th time, provide reasonable lunch alternatives. 

1:25 pm: Remember that you scheduled a meeting for 1:30, and. you need to be present. Calculate that extraction from children is not possible in 5 minutes, and take meeting with youngest child on lap. Despite having weaned 1.5 years ago, youngest child decides that you’re still nursing, and pulls down top on video call. Spend most of call switching on and off mute. Catch every 3rd word. 

1:45 pm: apologize to team, promise to reschedule a follow up with more focus. Hang up, extract youngest child’s arm from shirt. Refill drinks for the 5th time. Bribe children to get in bed for a nap with the promise of a visit to nana and pop this afternoon. 

1:48 pm: children’s beds have been stripped, due to accidents last night, but spouse “doesn’t know where the clean sheets are”, and so hasn’t remade beds. Children petition to nap on the floor. Explain floor is not comfortable. Find clean sheets, make 2 beds, take everyone to the potty, tuck both children in. 

2:20 pm: Realize that you have 40 minutes of actual work time left today, outside of meetings. Try to prioritize, with the knowledge that whatever you get done will not be enough. Deny request for drink refill.

3:00 pm: kick off afternoon meeting block. Try frantically to make the 40 minutes that you did get to work sound like a whole lot more. Wake children up during bathroom break so that they’ll be able to sleep tonight. Refill drinks for 5th time. 

3:45 pm: Curse the fact that youngest child has inherited your distaste for waking up. Gently coax her awake in between meetings.

4:00 pm: Wrap up last task from meetings, make list of all new tasks. Realize that today you have checked off one task, and received 7 new ones. Promise self that you’ll get your work laptop back out after the kids are in bed. Ignore the sense of despair that threatens to overtake you.

4:20 pm: Bribe children into putting on clothes with promise of fruit snacks at grandparent’s house. Feel mildly guilty as you put on your second round of workout gear. Load children in double jogging stroller, jog to grandparent’s house. 

5:00 pm: collect children to head home for dinner. 

5:10 pm: threaten no more fruit snacks if children don’t put on their shoes. Grandparents go get them more fruit snacks. 

5:23 pm: explain that the sun is going down in 24 minutes, and that we have to leave now to get home before it gets dark. Remember that time is immaterial. Wish for that blissful sense of ignorance.

5:37 pm: push 100 lbs of toddler and stroller up giant, hilly driveway. Spouse greets us with “what’s for dinner?” Politely remind him that he promised to plan and make dinner while we were gone. Grit teeth at his “I didn’t know what to make” response. Quickly run through available, easy, acceptable options and make dinner.

6:15 pm: serve dinner. Eat own dinner in 2.5 minutes, then spend rest of meal refilling drinks and plates, heating up or cooling down, and cajoling children to eat anything at all.

6:45 pm: Announce that tonight we don’t need to take a bath. Youngest child immediately melts down, because she wanted to take a bath. Eldest child melts down because, even thought he didn’t want to take a bath, he wanted to taunt his sister while she was in the bath. 

6:53 pm: Loose temper for 1st time today, scream that children need to brush their teeth. Step away to calm down. Spouse gets upset because “You can’t handle the children without yelling.” Bite tongue all the way through to avoid snarky reply.

7:10 pm: read 2 story books. Read one more. Explain again, that mommy cannot read anymore, and daddy will come read for a little while. Extract self from pile of children, and tuck both in. Hugs, kisses, and fist bumps. Twice. Then once more, after you’ve left the room.

7:15 pm: contemplate second shower. Decide that you didn’t really get that sweaty on the walk, and it’s not like you’re going out. Collapse on sofa with phone and mindless tv.

7:25 pm: spouse comes into the living room after harrowing duty of reading for 10 minutes. Hand over the remote, pull out side hustle lap top and finalize tasks for the day.

8:30 pm: remember that you promised to do main job work. Bring out that laptop to run some code while you continue side hustle work.

9:15 pm: Finish side hustle work, give up on main job work for the evening. Mentally apologize to team for not making more progress, promise to self that you’ll be more focused tomorrow.

9:30 pm: tell spouse that you need to go to bed. Endure his eye roll and disappointed face. Apologize for needing to go to sleep so early, and reassure him that you’re doing the best you can.

10:15 pm: eldest child has night terror. Comfort eldest child until he’s calm. Comfort youngest child, who is upset at brother’s screams. Realize that spouse is still watching tv in the living room while you comfort children. 

11:00 pm: listen to youngest child cry for 10 minutes until spouse begrudgingly tends to her. Remind self that it is not solely my job to comfort our children. Try to go back to sleep. 

3 am: eldest child wakes up with question about mushrooms that is vitally important. Answer to best of middle-of-the-night ability, acknowledge that you appreciate his curiosity, but that there are times when questions are not appropriate. Get him back to sleep.

4:30 am: youngest child wakes up.

[oneofthemillionarmy]

The Impossible Order | Ch.2

Summary line: Mr. Min is a stoic boss who will never outwardly show appreciation for you. Not until you’re gone does he recognize how much you do. And what you do matters to him.

ceo!Yoongi | best.friend!Hoseok | romance, fluff, angst, and stuff

Loosely inspired by Secretary Kim and this third bullet point of the prompt list

Last chapter

~•~

Last night, one of the Peruvian suppliers was able to promise 250 ct worth of tourmaline, but it would be delivered in two weeks rather than the originally intended week and a half. Knowing your boss is one for deadlines and punctuality, you believe he’d prefer Hestia Sourcing. Despite your own gut telling you that Peruvian Treasures will pay off in the long run. Regardless of the turnaround time from your main supplier, the 200 ct in two weeks will keep the remaining four projects afloat before the regular shipment. However, you still report the remaining two supplier response and quotes, also providing your own input. Mr. Min says he prefers Hestia; as expected.

“How goes the status on our tourmaline crisis?” Mr. Min asks as he sips on his third cup of coffee this morning.

“Hestia Sourcing has already been officially contacted for their shipment of tourmaline to arrive in a week and a half. Jimin is currently working with Kim Taehyung on the new design for the frame. Seokjin has already crafted two other designs for you to look at today before he meets with Yoo Jae Suk tomorrow. Beyoncé loves alexandrite, but the tourmaline was intended to match with her costumer designer’s vision for the Met Gala, so he’s unwilling to make changes. Your father had already ok’d the change for your parent’s anniversary gift, so we can switch their gemstones with alexandrite instead. The JP team has already started working on the mold for the Jubilee. And marketing just emailed me the final draft for the letter to the customers and PR is still working with marketing for the ethically sourced advertisement. They are utilizing internet ad platforms, both short clip video ads and on social media.” You handed him your tablet for him to read over the final draft letter and Seokjin’s designs.

“Tell marketing to go ahead with the letter. Also, tell Seokjin that I would also like to see his first design with silver instead of rose gold.”

“Yes, Mr. Min.”

“Today I’m meeting with Jasper and Jester Industries over Zoom at 12:30. Tell the tech team I want to use the hologram projector during this meeting because we’re showing them the prototype today. Speaking of prototype, I need to see the prototype from the TP team by 10. Go to L’Orange today for lunch today; I want the lamb chops. James and Soobin will be coming at 1:30 to go over the purchasing of the mine sites for the cobalt mining. Check back in with me at 2 on the Kim Taehyung project and the marketing strategy. I want to see Seokjin’s new designs by 3. And check with our supply team if we’re maintaining our upkeep of inventory. If not, I need a list before 11 this morning along with suppliers’ response for turnaround time and quotes.”

“Yes, Mr. Min.” You had your hands clasped behind your back the entire time.

“Another coffee please.”

“Yes, Mr. Min.” Without another word, you step out and take out your recorder. You play back his directives as you get the coffee.

~•~

“Hey, Hoseok.” You sigh as you pour hot water into your instant noodle bowl for lunch.

“Hey, Sunshine.” You chuckle. If the either of you were the sunshine, it’d be him.

“How’s Yeontan?”

“He’s fine. The vet says that he’s a little underfed, but otherwise, he’s still the most adorable Yeontan-ie that has ever lived.” Hoseok gushes at the puppy in his lap as he drives on his way back to his home. Hoseok will be holding onto Yeontan until the weekend.

“Ok. That’s good news. Was he good at the vet?”

“He hates the vet. You should know that better than I do. I was a dog catcher for 30 minutes. And he caused a whole waiting room full of dogs into a frenzy. Did you know that one of the people there brought their snake? I hate those. Yeontan almost fought a snake! You have no idea how hard it was for me to finally grab Yeontan before anything drastic happened.” You laugh as he goes on about his heroic deed of saving your pup from a snake.

“You did very well. Thank you, Hoseok.”

“Never mind that, Blessings. Hey. Are you coming over today after work?”

“I might. My boss has been very extra today. Every ten minutes, his chat bubble pops up adding 3 more things to do. But honestly, with the amount of things going on today, he shouldn’t have anything else left to do tonight. I might actually get off work on time.

“Good. Good. ‘Cause I was thinking –“ before Hoseok can finish his words, you hear the sound of a car swerve.

“Hoseok? You ok?”

“Yeah. Some idiot w-“ and the line cut off.

~•~

At 12:15, you were nowhere to be found. You left a message to Yoongi that you had to take the day off. Everything you were requested to do was already set in motion like a Rube Goldberg machine. You texted him saying that there are cups and cups of coffee in the fridge ready for him. If he wants hot, he’ll have to wait another day. And as promised, everything Yoongi needed was here. He had everything he needed. You just weren’t there to provide it.

“Where’s Y/N?” Seokjin asks as he comes in at 3pm like clockwork, “I would’ve thought she’d give me that 20-minute warning like she always does when I have a meeting with you.” She does that?

“I don’t know. She took a half day. I haven’t seen her since 11 or something.” Yoongi says nonchalantly as he looks over the Seokjin’s work. Seokjin just blinks at that before he starts slowly, “That’s not like her. Is everything ok? Do you know what happened?”

“No.”

“It’s just not like her to –“

“I like it better in silver this way.” Yoongi cuts him off, gesturing to the new designs.

“Heh. Yeah, Y/N said you would. I wanted to show you the rose gold one first anyway.” Seokjin chuckles as he sits down across the table from him, “Speaking of Y/N,” I wasn’t speaking about her…, “You got the supplies list for JP, TP, and HP, right? She told me you were working with the cobalt mine sites today. She told me to tell you that since cobalt is one of the supplies on the list, and the mine site wouldn’t be ready just yet, she contacted 3 different cobalt miners and selected Arrows for the cobalt supply.”

“She should’ve come to me first about the different miners. We have our upcoming product from HP –“

“The ceramic tiles for Ms. James’ bathroom. Yeah. She contacted HP. They require 300 g and Arrows is the only one with the adequate amount of supply. It will be here in 5 days.” Seokjin stands up and walks over to Yoongi’s kitchen, “All the other suppliers have been contacted. She sent me the list and wants me to report it to you.”

“You’re just a designer for the jewelry department,” Yoongi says as he looks through his email to see if you sent him any recent emails. Nothing.

“Give me some credit. I’ve got a brain and it’s used for more than just designing. Don’t forget, before I was a designer, I was also your assistant too.”

“Yeah, a pretty bad one.” Yoongi snorts. It’s why he needed you.

“We were just a startup! We literally just graduated then.” Seokjin protests as he come back over and sets down a steaming hot cup of coffee in front of Yoongi.

“I thought Y/N only had iced ones left.”

“She did, but she instructed me to heat up one for you before we go over the list with you.” Seokjin scoots his chair closer as he whips out his tablet to bring up the supplies list, “And one for after.”

~•~

“Mr. Jung has suffered a serious blow to the head and is currently unconscious. We don’t know when he will wake at this point. His left arm has scarring from the glass shatters from the window when the car was impacted. His left leg has a hairline fracture and the patella was dislocated but has already been set back. Luckily, his left leg is the worst of the limbs. There’s bruising on the right thigh and right elbow also has bruising. The bruises are likely from holding on to the dog during impact. His right arm has some muscle tears do to strain.

“Right now, our biggest concern is when he will wake up. He had internal bleeding in the brain but the blood has been removed and there’s no clotting, in his brain or anywhere near his spine. Everything is where it needs to be, and there’s nothing that indicated long term brain damage or trauma. But we won’t know for sure until he wakes up.” The doctor nods his head and leaves.

You sniff as you cross your arms, staring at your best friend lying in the hospital bed. His head is wrapped as well as his left arm. His left leg is currently suspended in its cast. By his left eyes and cheeks, are massive bruises that still look sticky and gooey.

If only I didn’t let him take Yeontan…

“How’s my dog?”

“We checked in with the vet hospital nearby. Your dog has no extreme injuries, only mild bruising. The doctor wants him to stay overnight for observation.” The nurse reports to you. You shiver from the lonely air of the hospital.

“You can go in and see the patient right now, but please do not touch him. And visiting hours will be over in 40 minutes.” The nurse gently reminds you before you nod, thanking the nurse and heading in.

Walking towards Hoseok, your nose feels the burn as tears well up in your eyes. Before you even reach Hoseok’s bed, the tears already overflow out.

“I’m so sorry Hoseok. This is my fault.” And he’s a dancer too…oh my God, he’s a dancer….his limbs…

Your tears quickly turn into hysterical sobs, thinking too many things at once. Your greatest prayer is that he wakes up and he is completely healed. You start hyperventilating so you sit down and take deep breaths.

Although you were instructed not to touch him, you couldn’t resist to at least clutch to the hospital blankets next to his right hand, your knuckles touching each other’s.

“Please wake up, Hoseok. I’ll never have you do anything else for me. I’m sorry if I ever took advantage of you. Please know that I never once took you for granted. You are my dearest friend and I don’t want anyone else for a best friend. I promise to hug you more. I promise to cook for you. I’ll do it at your house. You don’t have to come to mine. I’ll clean up my mess after too. I’m here for you, I promise. I really am. I’m not leaving you, I swear to God. Please just wake up and be ok. You’re gonna be ok. I promise.” You turn to look to the hospital window to make sure no one sees you. You grab his right hand and lean down to kiss it, “Please wake up.”

Your phone in your pocket vibrates and you take it out.

The board members meeting is tomorrow at 8am. Please gather the data and reports from the teams ready by 6am. I will look over it before the meeting.

“Fuck you. No. Not now.” You grit your teeth and put the phone back in the pocket.

Your tears are both sad and angry now, but you know you need to calm down. Nothing drastic.

You take a couple deep breaths before you wipe your tears and take your phone out again to write an email. You look up as you think for a moment. Make that three.

Next chapter

[athenadcvell]

Let’s make this a strict parent’s thread

Ok, everyone with strict parents. I’m boutta top y’all. And let’s all suffer together, so reblog with your own wild rules you have to follow

Fellin bored, so I’m boutta flex and just go ahead and hand my parents the most controlling and manipulative strictest parents of all time award

I have never been allowed to go to anyone’s house unless they were family

That literally means that growing up, if I was even invited to a birthday party, my parents would not let me go

Not one of my friends have ever been allowed to come over

Up until Sophomore year, I had never hung out after school with my friends

I maybe ever went to one birthday party, for, like, an hour

My dad gave me his old tablet when I was 12. He put restrictions so I could not access any web browser, the app store, or download games intended for children 12 and up

I was twelve 

We have an alarm on our door. Not a system generated alarm that notifies police if there is an intruder. Nope. An alarm. You open the door or window? Alarm

I’m not allowed to open my windows and have my door locked. And no, I have not been caught smoking before, or sneaking out. My room is on the third level

I am not allowed to have my phone or laptop in my room, ever

I am not allowed to wear leggings

I am not allowed to wear shorts

I am not allowed to wear tank tops

I can’t wear ripped jeans or crop tops

I can not wear short dresses or skirts without wearing leggings underneath them (which is why I stopped wearing them all together)

I can’t leave the house wearing a shirt that shows my shoulders

I have never been allowed to date, or even hang out with guys

My mom says she’s fine with my hanging out with boys, but one time, one of my guy friends dropped me off home after school (there were two other girls visible in the car) and my mom thought he looked like a ‘drug dealer’. I ended up getting grounded for a week

I was not allowed to wear makeup until I was 14

I literally do not have a curfew. Meaning, that I can be out of the house for maybe two or three hours before my mom drags my ass back in. God forbid I ask to stay out past 7

I can’t hang out two weeks in a row. I asked my mom once if I could hang out with my friends on Friday, and she said I was abusing her generosity because she had let me hang out with friends the Friday before

I literally can not even sit on our front porch because apparently I look like a ‘prostitute’

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???

My mom makes me roll up my pads/tampons in toilet paper before throwing them in the trash bc the ‘men of the house’ don’t need to see that

the only one who cares is my misogynistic fuck of a father. I’ve asked my brother. He couldn’t give a shit

I can’t even say the word period out loud without getting yelled at

My phone and laptop both have internet restrictions on them, cause apparently, a fucking high schooler can’t be trusted on google

I literally have like 5 different VPN’s and Proxy’s downloaded on my computer

At 9, my WiFi cuts off. I’m the only one in the house who has to go through that

If I want an adrenaline rush, I go and ask my mom if I can hang out/ buy something. Get’s the heart beating real quick

Also works if I wanna be reminded of all the reasons why I’m such a failure and let down

I can’t spread my legs open wide while sitting down without my dad getting angry and yelling at me

On more than one occasion, my father has forced me to sit in the trunk of our car bc I did something to piss him off. The drive can range anywhere from 15 min to 3 hours. The first time he did this I was 9

Tbh this has started to become more of ‘reasons why my parents are such shitty people’ rather than ‘reasons why my parents are super strict’

There’s more, but Imma stop now. 

If you got strict parents, add yours! Even if your parents are stricter, or not as strict as mine, it actually rlly helps to know that you’re not the only one in a wildly unfair and controlling household

P.S: Yes. I have broken almost every single one of these rules more than once. And yes. I have gotten in trouble. Trust me, I got the scars to prove it.

[foxxysierra-2]

A “Me” Update

30 July 20

I keep tearing up and crying lol spurts here and there. And I let it. I feel it. It as soon as I acknowledge it, it stops again. I know I need a good cry. I need to let it out.

Had a spurt today.

And I told Hubby sorry and that I know I need to cry. Then the tears dried up. I feel them behind my eyes, but I won’t rain down on me. Had some amazing things happen today, even with all my anxiety spilling over in weird circumstances.

1. Hubby opened up to me about all the stresses happening right now. A lot at work. There’s a lot more than I had realized. And how it’s taking a toll on him. And he knows it’s my instinct to “run” to “hide” when things are stressful. And he asked me to please fight against that urge and to try to stay with him. Try to calm him, if I can. Cuz he needs me. He doesn’t need more time alone with his thoughts; he has enough of that.

2. He told me he wants me to come work on my studio corner minimum 10 mins every day. Just 10 mins. I fought against myself that whole time today. Worked in there about 45 mins because I’d get to a stopping point and he would help me, opening the option to actually do more. But fighting my stubborn super emotional inner self too. Cuz I kept telling myself what’s the point. And then saying how wonderful that he is guiding me. And if he did this for me I should work a lil more to show I appreciate him doing this esp while he is working. And then getting sad again because he kept referring to it as a desk and suggesting moving things around back and forth. But that’s not how art works. At least not for me. Esp afte having kids. Even more so with him working at home and needing to keep them quiet. I can work a little the. It needs to sit there without getting scratched up, etc. This is when the tears came.

3. He told me he understood and to pack up nonart things and nonessentials that we do t have the room or time to use rn and we can unpacked whenever we get a larger place. He reiterated that was not to include art supplies. He said I should be proud. Know I g where my mind went we i first came in to work on the area: thinking I’ll never be able to do art ever again in my whole life lol....yup... He pointed out everything I worked on, that it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t the permanent location but easier to get there, easier to organize, easier to maintain. Pointed out that there were only a couple things blocking my table top now and gave suggestions for next time I come in to work on that area. 🥰🥰🥰 (I need to explain how much I crave and need that kind of dominance)

4. I cried a little. Again. Explaining how overwhelmed I am. I can never get ahead. I can never get caught up. Things keep breaking...important things. There are sooooo many interruptions. I’m not sleeping etc. He just listened... it was amazing... we had so many productive conversations this morning. I told him some thoughts on what could help me and asked how he felt about them. He is on board. I just need helpers on board. I need to make a family phone call and hold my breath they will agree. Hubby gave me some options to offer for incentive. Hopefully I will be kid free for x amount of days, fill up with coffee and fun tunes and move my booty to get as much done as I possibly can during that time! And I’m so glad he heard me put on everything. Fingers crossed it comes into fruition.

5. Hubby told me to take a bath (that’s where I am to lol) and to reward myself with something g I like to do. No phone. No tablet. Go outside and draw or play games with the kid’s etc. bath doesn’t count.

6. Just talked to him about all the stuff today being what I crave from him and hoping in helped him mentally today too and I’ll try not to fight him so much and thanked him for guiding me. And we just had another long productive conversation. Explaining not just sexual dominance...esp since that’s not realistic with both our want s and needs. I’m going to research more so I can better explain myself. He was so calm so far today and gentle with me... He still wants me to keep an open mind and be up for discussion with HW stuff in the future.

7. Last night I had another migraine that caused me to feel physically sick. He told me to lay down for a bit. He took care of the kids and dinner and bedtime. It was wonderful.

8. I actually feel some weight lifted and feel less anxious. And excited for things to come.

@kkinkykitten my first #substories if this counts. If not, I’ll remove tag.

[littlemeowyoons]

Bonded

A/N- Extra sorry for the late update, I’m still in school and the new semester just got started. Hope you understand for the slow update. :(

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Fluff(lots of them), a drop of angst, Single Dad! AU, College! AU, Introvert! Yoongi, Tutor! Y/n

Word Count:3.2k

Synopsis: Yoongi found a basket left in front of his dorm room one day, and turns out it was his daughter, left alone crying. Puzzled and scared was an understatement. When his 4 semesters roommate Jimin left for his hometown, he was left with the last straw of help, turning to his physics tutor a.k.a friend-that-I-only-know-name-but-have-no-interest-in-knowing-more; you.

Series: Masterlist l Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l 

                                 Pt 4: Lie Honestly

                                              °•. ✿ .•°

“Are you sure about this?”

“I’ve never been this sure ever since I made up my mind that blue looks good on you.”

“Come again?”

You let out a hearty chuckle, repositioning Inara on your lap when you feel her sliding down.

“Nevermind, don’t worry, just go attend your class, it’s starting!”

“I can’t stay calm if I’m not sure both of my girls are okay.”

“We’re okay. It’s just Inara’s getting her monthly shot and a checkup, they’re recording her weight and such. It’s gonna be fine, I assure you.”

“If you say so… just…call me if anything happens.”

“Will do Yoongs, now shoo”

You felt a tug on your arm so you lower down your hand that’s holding your phone, reaching to Inara’s level and she eyes the device with her doe eyes. Maybe hearing her father’s voice is what perks her interest in the first place. She pressed the speaker button-which surprises you the most-then started to mumble and throw in, again, incoherent group of words and soon you hear Yoongi laughing at the end of the line.

“See, even your daughter said we’re fine.”

“I think it’s more like ‘dad stop calling’.”

“Look, I know you’re worried but there’s honestly nothing to.”

“Thanks Y/n”

“No sweat.”

“No I mean…thanks for, like, everything you did.”

It was silence at the end of the line before Y/n spoke again, voice lower than before, “Does calculus had fried your mind into speaking nonsense? I think I’ll ask for an appointment for you too.”

Yoongi let out a hearty laugh louder than what he usually did, amused by your words, or rather smitten.” I have to go, take care you two and also, Inara…”

You lowered down the phone, not that it’s not lowered enough for Inara to hear, before Yoongi continue, “be nice to Y/n okay little one?”

Inara ignore Yoongi and continue to munch on her kitten squeaky toy.

“Spark is a little occupied Yoongi. Call later and maybe she’ll spare you a glance.”

After another laugh Yoongi bid his goodbye and ended the call. You found yourself smiling like a fool, or maybe you are, you thought.

“Min Inara”

“Come on spark, your turn.”

You walk up to counter and the nurse behind the table smiled politely, “Right this way Mrs Min”

She lead the way and you were more than grateful she did because you’ll be too shocked to function properly if you’re the one in front. Mrs Min? As in, the mother of Inara? As in…wife to…Yoongi? It sounds weird, but rather- this part scares you the most- sound neutral. Can you really see your future with Min Yoongi, being his wife, becoming a part of this family? No, no you shouldn’t put your hopes up, you thought.

 You’re part of this family because you want to, not that you were forced. You should’ve left after feeding Inara that day, that damn fucked up day. You should’ve left everything behind. Maybe Yoongi didn’t have the gut to kick you out, you heart spoke, you keep coming back to the dorm how can he, an introvert, find an excuse to not hurt your feeling by being direct? It’s not like he can just come up to you and say, ‘leave you’ve done your part’. Oh you wanted to, not being caught up in Yoongi’s mess, it was his to deal. But the thought of you leaving him struggling on his own didn’t sound right to you. Are you helping him as a friend? Or maybe, as a person who has a little bit of knowledge in this babysitting more than him? Or… is it that you didn’t want Inara to have the same fate as you, left alone without parental support at a young age, losing everything before even knowing you own it in the first place? You feel angry at yourself, you feel hurt, disappointed, sad.  

But most of all, you feel like a fool.

==

“That would be all, take care.”

“Thank you”, you bow politely to the doctor, flashing her your smile before exited the door with a drowsy Inara in hand.

You sit back in the waiting room, cradling the sleepy child back and forth.

“Tired huh?”

She replied, whining shortly, almost as if she understands you. You give her a soft peck on the head, and that’s all it takes for her to drift to dreamland. You were holding her close, when suddenly a hand rustles your hair lightly and a man crouched down to give Inara a small kiss on her forehead.

You smacked the man on his arm, “You scared me.”

Yoongi let out a deep chuckle, smile so wide you wonder if his cheek hurts, because somehow the deep of your stomach does. It was doing somersault of its own. Is he really happy to meet you? No, he’s here for his daughter, get it together Y/n.

“All done?”

You nod, “The doctor left some medicine though, and the bill” you reached into your handbag to pull out a purse, when Yoongi’s hand engulf yours.

“What are you doing?”, Yoongi eyes you deeply.

“Umm the bill-“

“I got this.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, but seeing him unbothered by it, you give up. Instead, you ushered Inara to him, “Here, hold her. I need to go to the restroom.”

Yoongi silently took her away and both of you swapped places, he sit in your seat and you walk away to the nearest toilet.

“Min Inara”

Upon hearing his daughter’s name being called, Yoongi walked up to the small window pane beside the counter, a huge sign read ‘pharmacy’ in blue and white writing sit at the top of it. The nurse spare him a good few seconds glance before getting back to click away some things on the computer.

“You must be Mr Min.”

“Ah yes that would be me”, He smiled politely, bowing a little while struggling to cradle a sleeping kid in his arm, “Is that medicine for my daughter?”

He eyes a few colourful tablets on the desk, already worrying how he gonna get his daughter to eat that. As much as his daughter is curious, he had to admit she was never a fan of sweet things, just like him.

“No no, it was for Mrs Min.”

“Mrs…Min?”

“Yes, your wife, the one who brought in your daughter this morning. Anyway, this is Folic acid tablets…”, the nurse showed him a  dozen red coloured pills in a sachet, “-for her red blood deficiency, two tablets a day after meal.”

She the push to him another sachet of tablets, this time in pale orange, “And this is vitamin C, three tablets a day after a meal.”

Yoongi just watch in silence as the nurse packed in all the tablets away into a small bag. Did he hear her right? Why does his heart flutter this hard? And most of all he’s worried, Y/n had been suffering deficiency? She’s low on red blood cells….and he didn’t even know about it? What kind of friend is he? Maybe she just discovered it today, he hoped, maybe she didn’t tell because even she is clueless about it. But to think that she’s sick right under his nose, he feels awful. He had been too focus on his daughter, that he has forgotten about the one who had been taking care of Inara too.

“Yoons?”

Her voice caught him off guard, he let out a small gasp and quickly turn around.

“What’s wrong? Oh, you got the medicines already. Let’s go, let me take her. You come with a  car...right?”

He didn’t realise she had been talking to him for a while, he had been too lost in his own trance. When he felt a hand laying on his shoulder, only did he snap back to reality.

“Huh?”

“Are…you okay Yoons? You seem out of it. Did they told you something’s wrong with Inara?”

“Ah no no…no. What…were you saying just now?”

You were sceptical but you repeated your question, “You come here with a car right?”

“Ah yes, Jimin’s actually. Come on”

Yoongi lead the way out, barely glancing back, not until you’ve arrived at the car. Yoongi opened the door for you and you slipped in, not forgetting to cushion the back of Inara’s head with your hand as you enter. A few moments later, both of you were on the road in silent. You sense something is bothering Yoongi, at this rate he can’t hide anything from you anymore. You are aware of his small habits he does, like rubbing his thumb against the back of his forefinger, eyes can’t seem to stay on the same spot more than a few seconds, it had been too easy, he was like an open book to you. Now, if only you were brave enough to prompt him about it. The silence had been too thick if no one speaks, it’s gonna drown both of you, so Yoongi started, “Do you have class today?”

“Yoongi…it’s Saturday. Only you have class because your prof couldn’t make it next week.”

“Great, we’re gonna do some grocery.”

You were about to argue, that you had been a burden to him, you were sure you were nothing to him, considering that he ain’t sharing no shit with you, but you were cut off by a loud gurgle.

“Well, hello to you too spark. Look who’s here”

You picked her up to sit on your lap, facing the man beside you and as that her hands shot forward, smile present on her face you could see her gums and a few small bumps of white- she’s gonna grow her teeth soon!!

“Hey little one. Daddy want nothing in the world but to hold you right now, but daddy’s driving.”

“You know driving?”, you speak to her and her eyes shifted to you, those doe eyes that could spring smile onto your face in a record speed, there’s nothing more you love to see then that kid’s smile, that and Yoongi wearing all black from head to toe. You swear you were a sucker for those two.

You spelt out for her and spoke the words very slowly, watching in awe as her small mouth tried to mimick yours while pronouncing it. Her words after comes out in a jumble and sounds nothing like the word driving.

“We could work on that. Now since your father finished his class, we’ll go grocery shopping. You ready for your first grocery day spark?”

Inara let out a deep chuckle, funny, hers sounded just like Yoongi’s.

==

“Do we need bread?”

You turned to face Yoongi, who shook his head, “No we already have it, but we do need jam.”

“One jam of chocolate and peanut butter coming right up.”, you walked down the aisle and grab the jar before heading back to Yoongi, putting it in the trolley.

“It’s your favourite right?”, you glance up to Yoongi, smile still there.

“Yeah…how did you…”

“Know? Yoongi, you served us toasted bread with chocolate and peanut butter jam ONLY on every tutor hour. I started associated physics with chocolate and peanut butter jam.”

“Sorry”

“I’m just joking Yoons, relax.”, you reposition Inara in your arm, her weight is starting to get to you but you don’t want to pass it to Yoongi just yet, holding her gives you sanity rather than thinking 101 reasons why you shouldn’t do grocery shopping with Yoongi. It feels too domestic, and domestic is bad in this case, there shouldn’t be any feelings involved, Inara is your main priority so for now you wanted to believe your fast beating of heart is caused by the joy of holding Inara close.

“What else?”

“Cereal, and milk while we’re at it.”

“On it, the honey one or the wheat one?”

“Y/n, every cereal is made out of wheat”, he chuckled, amused by the girl in front of him.

“The honey one then. I was just making sure if there’s any cereal without-“

You words were cut off as you spaced out, eyes froze on something. Yoongi glance to the same direction but he failed to locate what had made you go speechless.

“Inara”, you squealed, “Look, banana crackers!”

You run (read as walk) to the shelf and pull out a yellow box, handing it to Inara.

“I promised banana crackers right? Here you go.”

Inara spare a glance to the box before hugging it tightly to herself, you nuzzled into her neck, planting a soft kiss along. Yoongi felt like he could melt right then and there, his two most favourite girls are having fun with each other. He feels warm all inside, it was like a dream of his own, Inara is his daughter and you are…his wife.  Yes, he would really want that.

==

“Something happened at the clinic right?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Miss Y/L/N”

“Then why did you-“, you turned around carefully, not wanting to disrupt Inara having her own euphoric moment nibbling on her banana cracker, to see a lot of plastics. Your eyes catch the faint image of spinach and beans. Right beside it is cow beef wrapped in its container. You glance back to Yoongi whom eyes set on the road ahead but you were sure he steals a glance at you just now.

“Are we having a welcome party or what…That’s a lot of foods. Foods for…”

It didn’t take long for your mind to piece the puzzle together, “So you do know!”

“Know what? I know nothing.”

“Yoongi…”

He froze in his seat, you rarely call him his real name, not until the words that’ll come out of your mouth will mean some serious business.

“You don’t have to”

“I want to”, he glance at you for mere moments before focusing back on the road.

“But this is too much.”

“No it’s not, this is only a quarter of it. I’m gonna make sure you eat all of those a lot, your body will be full of blood cells.”

“It doesn’t work that way Yoons.”

“I’m gonna make it work that way.”

You feel miserable, now Yoongi is tangled in your shit. You’re not surprised when the doctor diagnosed you with low red blood cells, you had been skipping breakfast for a while now, had lunch on some lucky days and dinner if you remembered. The stress of catching up with due dates and classes and unwritten assignments were getting to you. You should be the one taking care of yourself, not others, you’re not a kid anymore. You don’t want to be a burden your whole adult life, it’s enough that you did so your whole childhood life. No you have to fix that, need to, desperately.

“Up for another stop?”

==

“Any reason why we’re here?”, you eyed him suspiciously, just what else is he plotting?

“Do we need reason to enjoy a cup of coffee?”

“No but…”

You glance around, eyes only seeing a handful of people in the shop. You’ve never been to this particular shop, but you gotta admit they make good hot chocolate, you know you’ll be up in your seat soon to order another one.  But it’s not the fact that the café is almost empty except for some talking figures in the far corner of the shop, but rather it’s the small pounding in your head. It’s an early sign that you’ll get a headache soon which could lead to fever if you’re not rested enough. The doctor’s right, you thought. You had been stressing over so badly these past few weeks, food is not an option anymore to keep going but rather painkiller does. You know it’s bad but you can’t seem to avoid it. The only thing that pushes you is Inara, Yoongi and the constant reminder that this pain will pass.

You were deep in thoughts when you spot a fluffy figure making it’s way to you. You pull out your shirt’s ribbon out of Inara’s mouth and lower her down until her eyes spotted the figure walking on its four legs.

“Look Inara, what’s that?”, you cooed in a baby voice.

Little that you know, the man in front of you had his eyes wide open, start struck by the made up voice that you made which he think is fucking cute, he’s wheezing.

Inara eyed the magical creature (read as cat) snuggling in her open palm, and as that she clenches her hand into a tight fist and yank the domestical mammal tail nearer. You quickly pulled her hand away as the orange tabby cat backed away to another table, probably trauma after the encounter with the kid in a grey banana printed dress.

“Woah there tiger, no no. You don’t go around pulling cat’s hair.”

“And what about you, you shouldn’t go around shoving my daughter’s face to a cat”, Yoongi huffed, pushing his wrist lightly on his cheek, elbow on the table.

“Look Inara, there’s a grumpy cat, you can pull all the remaining hairs off him.”

“Don’t teach nonsense to my child, seriously…”

“Hush Yoongi, between both of us, I know better about children psychological development”

You eyed him sharply, then reached out into your bag, pulling out a cat-shaped rattle and wave it in front of Inara.

“Looook, what’s this?”

You’re more than happy when Inara’s eyes widen, hand sticking out to reach the baby rattle in your hand, then continue to shove it in her mouth. Her hand swinging the item, producing bell sound as there’s a tiny bell tied onto the cat’s neck.

“My daughter is much more intelligence than playing with a bell.”

“I’m trying to train her cognitive Min Yoongi, I would appreciate it if you keep your comments to yourself at the moment.”

“How do we even know it’s working?”

As then, Inara let out a loud laugh and continue to tossed the toy, which headed straight to Yoongi’s forehead. 

“Ouch!”

You know it’s rude to laugh at other’s misfortune, but oh you wish there was a reply button in life, you just got to watch Yoongi’s face another time!

“Inara! Bad girl,”, your words come out between short laughs, “pity, you should’ve aimed for the head”

“Y/n!”

A cherry laugh escaped your mouth as your eyes turned crescent from the way you had been smiling so wide. You find this situation very amusing.

“Ohh cut down some slack yoongs, at least now we know it’s working, we gotta work on her aim though.”

“Y/n…”

Yoongi just let you laugh some more, the frown on his face just now slowly morphing into a soft smile, but when you lean your figure forward, oh boy…mayday mayday code red, abort mission Min Yoongi!

You gently lay your palm onto his face, shining orbs scanning his face, “Nothing’s broken though,”, you chuckled, “You’re okay.”

But he’s not okay, at least the outraging heartbeat in his chest said so.

==

[sweetlydraws]

Painted Lady AU Christmas at Clover-Bloom (Dealing with the Pressure.)

I started to write this at the begging of December. Life got in the way. I wanted some character interaction. Marinette and the OCS.

Warnings? (Panic attack. Criticism of the Class.)

Third-person P.O.V

Marinette leaving her design class when her tablet binged from a notification. An email? The email reads,

“Dear Students of Clover-Bloom Academy,

As we are now in the month of December, I must remind you all that holiday plans are to be submitted to the head office before the 19’th. We do not want anyone missing any holidays with their family or friends.

Another reminder will be sent on the 10’th. Have a lovely rest of your day.

Headmaster Jean Corbin.”

Marinette read the email a few times. She didn’t realized that you had to put in leave for Christmas. Her tablet binged again, this time it was a text from Brethold.

“Hey M-Nette you out of class? Want me to pick you up?” Marinette sends a quick okay back. She then sits on a nearby bench. Ever since she made some jeans for Brethold, he’s been insisting that he do stuff for her.

Marinette takes her hair out of her pigtails. Running her fingers threw her hair. The middle of her hair is still wet. Sighing she puts her hair in a ponytail instead. Feeling movement in her bag, she sees that Pollen and Trixx having a silent fight about who get to play this new Ladybug and Chat Noir phone game.

Marinette honestly didn’t like this phone game. Like the Ladybug movie, whoever made it had bad characterizations of her and Chat. But she’s not Ladybug anymore, so she can’t denounce it. Pollen and Trixx seem to enjoy it, so she tolerates it. Sadly Nooroo wasn’t there. Nooroo was tired after last night. They had to stop another fight between the Crimson Beetle and Chat Noir again.

Sighing, Marinette just couldn’t figure out why Chat wouldn’t let her talk to him. According to Nooroo, Plagg should know that she’s the Painted Lady. When she first introduced herself to the Beetle, Tikki and Nooroo seemed to have some conversation that left the Beetle trusting her. Why couldn’t Chat do the same?

BEEP BEEP!

“M-NETTE! YOUR TAXI IS HERE!” Brethold yells from his helmet. Brethold was sitting on his scooter, waving at her. Getting up, she walks towards him. Brethold hands her a helmet. They zoom off. “How was class?” Brethold half yells.

“Busy!” Marinette yells back. In Marinette design class her final project is something you work on all year. Because Marinette started school later, she only had to make 3 out of the 4 outfits she designed. She decided on the ones based on Pollen, Nooroo, and Trixx.

“Did you get the holiday email?!” Brethold yelled.

“Yeah!”

“Do you have plans!?”

“I don’t know yet!” Honestly Marinette’s parents only celebrated Christmas because they were semi-forced too. Her mom side of the family only like 4 or 5 people did Christmas and her dads side weren’t really there. Sighing, Marinette decided she would just call her parents tonight and ask them.

“I’m staying!” Brethold’s voice broke Marinette’s thoughts. Before Marinette could yell back they arrived at the Greenhouse Cafe. Brethold parks and they both get off.

“What do you mean your staying?”

“If you don’t have plans, or don’t summit leave you stay at Clover-Bloom over the holiday break.” He shrugs. “My parents don’t do Christmas, never could afford it growing up. Just wasn’t a thing we do. Also my parents house wasn’t updated to accommodate my leg.” He patted his hip, gesturing down his leg.

Marinette nods. She couldn’t imagine if she had hurt her hands or legs and trying to get into her room.

“What is Clover-Bloom like during the holidays?” Marinette asks. She and Brethold head into the cafe.

“Well… There are no classes. Classrooms that have expensive equipment in them are locked but other than that. There all opened. If you have a year-long project you have this time to work on it.” Brethold explains as they head to the booth in the back. Lilian and Vivienne are already there.

“Sup loser! Hey Mari, how was fashion class?” Lilian smiles as she moves her bag to block Brethold from sitting. He sits on the bag, never breaking eye contact from Lilian.

“Will you two ever stop?” Vivienne asks looking tired. Whatever was going on between the cousins, cause them to ignore Vivienne.

“Vivienne, what are you doing for the break?”

“During brake I live with aunts. So I’m staying. I’m probably not going to be in my dorm, but who knows.”

“Do you celebrate Christmas?”

“If my aunt Seong-Min is here for Christmas, then yes.”

“Where is she again?” Lilian asks as she yanks her bag from under Brethold.

“Last time she checked in it was Toronto Canada.” Vivienne rubs the back of her neck.

“Before you ask Marinette, I’m also staying. And no, I don’t celebrate Christmas. Well my parents do but I don’t.” Lilian holds her drink and points at Marinette.

“Can I ask why?” Marinette pulls out her phone to text her parents.

“I just don’t like that I have to buy stuff on this one day to show that I care about people.” She shrugged. “I give people things all year to show that I love them you know. It’s just frustrating that if you don’t give someone something then your a bag guy, even if you gave them something they week before.” Lilian started to get worked up. She shakes her head. Christmas is not a thing to get amokized over.

“Do you celebrate Christmas Mari?” Lilian asks after chugging down a red bull.

SMACK!

“What was said about that.” Vivienne hissed. Brethold quietly snickered. Lilian only muttered under her breath.

“Kinda...” Marinette answered. “My mom side of the family are all in China and my dad side isn’t really in my life. My grandfather doesn’t like my mom, and my grandma travels the world. My parents mostly used Christmas as a day off. At my old school I spent most of the month making things for my former class.” Marinette sighed. It’s been a few months since what happened but it still is sore to talk about.

“Marinette you don’t have to make anything for us. I don’t know if you were planning to or not. I just wanted to throw that out there.” Vivienne says.

“Yeah! You made me these jeans already and I still need to pay you back for them!” Brethold adds.

“I love your designs but I’m not going to get them for free. I’ll gladly pay you first.” Lilian agrees.

Marinette is taken aback. She is just so use to making things for free and not getting anything in return. Before she could rebuttal Aurora bounced in.

“Hello! Guess who is going to Berlin to see her brother for Christmas!” Aurora sang.

“Vivienne?” Brethold joked.

“No, me! Xavier called me last night and told me the plans. I just sent my notice. I leave the 19’th and I’m coming back the 6’th! What were we talking about before I showed up?” Aurora change topics easy.

“Marinette was asking what we're doing for the holiday and if we celebrate Christmas. And we were telling her not to make us clothing as a present.” Vivienne explained.

“If Marinette makes me something I’ll make her something back! Also my family celebrates Christmas. Since my family all live apart, we really go ham for Christmas. Vivienne knows!” Aurora smiles. Vivienne's eyes go wide and she shudders.

“Your family tried to kill me,” Vivienne says pointing her finger. Marinette gasps.

“It’s not my fault your family doesn’t do touching.” Aurora laughs.

“Wait I’m confused?” Marinette whispers.

“My family is a very touchy-feely one. They love showing they love people. So Vivienne was the target of a lot of that love. Her family is very…. Stiff?” Aurora explains through giggles.

“My grandmother,” Vivienne mutters. Marinette nods in confusion.

“Did anyone tell her about our tradition?” Aurora asks. The table goes silent. Lilian smacks her head.

“No, we forgot.” She mutters. Marinette tilts her head.

“On the 15’th we meet up on the roof of C building, bring a karaoke machine and some junk food and have a blast! Since you here, you're invited!” Aurora claps her hand a few time.

“How do you have access to C building? We all live in D?” Marinette questions

“I have keys to all the dorm buildings. Perks of my uncle being the headmaster.” Lilian grins. Marinette is taken aback.

“Do I have to bring anything?” She asks prepared to take notes.

“Only your self. If you want to bring anything that’s up to you.” Vivienne says. Marinette finds this very frustrating before she was constantly told what to do, what to bring. Marinette chest tightens. What if they did want something? What if they get mad at her! What if she messes up! “Ma-” What if they can’t get food, and she didn’t bring anything!”Ette-” What if,what if,what if,what if,what if,what if,what if,what if!

“MARINETTE!” Hands grab her shoulders. Marinette’s eyes won’t focus but Brethold is the one holding her.

“Shit! I think she having a panic attack!” Lilian says. She runs off to grab a water.

“Marinette I need you to focus on me okay,” Brethold asks in a soft voice. Marinette tries to focus her eyes. She is only able to see a blurry picture of Brethold tho.

“Marinette I’m going to need you to take several deep breathes,” Vivienne says. Marinette follows what Vivienne told her to do. While Marinette is focused on trying to see Brethold and breathe, Aurora is able to take Marinette phone out of her tightened hands. Lilian rushes back with the water.

“Drink.” Lilian hands the water over. Marinette takes a minute to finishes it, but when she's done her chest isn’t tightened anymore and she can clearly see Brethold. “Do you need more water?” Marinette turns towards Lilian and shakes her head.

“Nette I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have just assumed that you wanted to come! I-” Aurora was cut off my Vivienne hand touching her shoulder. No one knew that from Marinette bag the two kwamis watch with concern. Pollen and Trixx were able to feel Marinette’s panic. It had taken everything for Pollen to not rush out and comfort Marinette.

“Aurora we don’t need you also in a panic.” Aurora nods, her head drooped lower. “Marinette, if you’re feeling up to it, can you tell us what just happened please,” Vivienne asked not wanting to push Marinette.

“Please expect something from me.” Marinette barely whispers. If the group of teens weren’t already quiet they would not have heard, but they did.

Brethold first thought was one of pain. As the former soccer captain, he knew what it was like to have people put pressure on him… Brethold looks at Marinette, she trying to make her self smaller. His heart is breaking. He doesn’t understand. Who would make Marinette feel like this? He frowns.

Aurora was next. She felt nothing but sadness. Marinette sounded so defeated. The fact they didn’t want anything from her sent Marinette into a panic attack. Marinette seems so happy. Aurora closed her eyes and thought. When they did anything Marinette put almost everything on her plate. When Brethold mentioned that because of his leg brace he can’t find jeans that were comfortable. Marinette went and made him jeans. Vivienne’s aunt mentioned that they were trying to find a new pastry for the menu Marinette offered to help. Why didn’t Aurora see this sooner? She opens her eyes and looks at Marinette.

Lilian was mad. The only thing she could think of was that old school of Marinette’s. Lilian was the unofficial leader of the D-dorm building. Mostly because of her uncle being the headmaster. So when a new student was moving into the dorm, she went to her uncle. All he would say is that the student had a hard time at her prior school. Once she got to know Marinette she learned that she was akumatized. Marinette doesn’t like talking about it. Lilian starts to connect the dots. Her fingernails start to cut into her palm.

Vivienne was quiet. Looking at Marinette felt like a mirror. That feeling of needing a purpose. That feeling that if anything goes wrong it will be your fault. That feeling. Vivienne fought a shiver. She’s had this feeling since she was a child. But this feeling was from a cycle of abuse from her mother, and her grandmother. Vivienne held her breathe. She was only just able to start healing. Even then there are many days that she’s afraid to leave her room. Vivienne forced her self to breathe. Who did Marinette have to help her?

“Marinette.” Vivienne says. Not sure of what to say she just starts to speak. “I know this seems hard to… Believe but you don’t need to do anything.” Marinette goes to open her mouth but Vivienne doesn’t stop talking.“Aurora doesn’t need to bring anything, Lilian, Brethold, or me none of us have to bring anything… This is for all of us to be together. You don’t need to plan out the whole thing.” Vivienne voice trailed.

“But!” Brethold cuts in. “If it would make you more comfortable. We could make a list of thing for the each of us to bring. So you don’t have to… Panic. About what to bring because you’ll know what everyone will be bringing.” Brethold laid the plan out hoping that everyone would give.

“I’m bringing the machine, and the speakers.” Lilian says looking at Aurora.

“I’ll bring the pillows and chairs.” Aurora claps her hands.

“I’ll bring the drinks. Speaking of which text me what you’ll want.” Vivienne adds.

“I’ll cover the snacks, like popcorn and stuff… and first aid things.” Brethold whispers the last part fast. Marinette was quiet. What was she going to bring? They said everything else. She looks at them all then looks down. Her thoughts are racing.

“How about you bring some baked goods.” Vivienne breaks Marinette thoughts.

“But! But Brethold is bringing snacks already! And, and  I don-”

“I’ll bring savory snack and you bring sweet ones” Brethold smiles putting his hand comfortably on her shoulder. Marinette nods. She can do that. She can bake some holiday-inspired dishes. She feels the knots in her gut fade.

“I’m sorry for what happened,” Marinette says. Aurora goes to say something but Vivienne stops her. “At… At my old school, I was the class president. At first, I had my old friend as my vice president, it was fine. It was easy! It was fun.” Her voice brakes. “But then it started just being me. I would plan everything! I would have to bring everything! Not only that but I had to make the decorations! For anything, I planned, and more! Stuff I didn’t plan. Things I wasn’t even apart of.” Marinette’s voice was desperate. Each sentence sounded more painful than the last. “ It only got worse when they made me interact with the guy I had a crush on! No. Not made, forced! Forced me to interact with him. I couldn’t even talk to him without panicking!”Marinette bangs the table slightly.

The group of teens looks at each other. Marinette continued. “Marinette make me this! Marinette I need this done before to tomorrow! Marinette what happened to bringing cookies in? Marinette I need this dress, that I didn’t tell you about done by this weekend, AND I’m not paying for it!” Marinette was turning red. “It was only worse after she came back. After they turned their back on me. I would have to plan parties I didn’t even get to go to. And she would always make comments about how she could have done it better and faster. In turn I. Had. To.” Marinette went quiet. Tears fell from her eyes.

No one said anything. The kwamis in Marinette bag froze. Even though they have been with Marinette since her akumatizing they hadn’t heard anything about this. They knew that the former class wasn’t the best but this! Pollen thought about the interaction her former queen and the turtle boy had with Marinette. How could Marinette choose to forgive? Her lady was stronger then Pollen would have been. Trixx, however, was raging. His former fox Ayla. That was the only person in his head at this moment. He knew she was something. Never out of the box long enough to figure it out, but now! His jaw tightened.

Brethold just hugs Marinette. He couldn’t think of any words to say. Aurora joins in. Lilian and Vivienne share a look. Neither hug Marinette but they do hold her hands. The group silently comforts Marinette. Marinette takes it in. Marinette wasn’t sure why she went off. Maybe it was the season, maybe she was just tired of holding it in. Marinette lets out a silent breathe. She makes eye contact with Pollen and Trixx. She wants to laugh, Trixx looks like an angry cat. His ears are laid back and he’s baring his teeth.

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” Marinette tightens her grip on the hands she holds. The others don’t move immediately, but they do slowly. “Thank you. Really thank you.” She rubs her eyes.

The tender moment was ruined by Marinette's phone ringing. Aurora forgot that she was holding Marinette’s phone, resulting in Marinette’s phone almost going flying. Grabbing her phone she answers.

“Hi, sweetie! How was class?” Her dad's cheerful tone causes Marinette to start laughing hard. The others start following suit. “Did I miss something?” Was all her dad could ask.

“You could say that,” Marinette says after she laughed all she could.

“Well as long as you sound happy.” She could hear her dad smile.

“Hey dad I need to talk to you about what we’re going for the holiday break later okay.”

“Sure can’t wait. OH! Nino and his mom came by and dropped off a Christmas present for you. Said that if you can’t come home then to mail it.” Marinette was confused. Nino and his family didn’t celebrate Christmas.

“Um, okay.”

“Tom the cookies smell burnt!” Marinette heard her mom call.

“NOT THE GINGERBREAD! Call you back love you!” Before Marinette could respond her dad hung up. The group was taken aback.

“NOT THE GINGERBREAD!” Lilian jokey yelled! “Your dad sounds like a treat Mari!”

“What! Is with all the yelling.” Vivienne aunt Odette rolled up.

“Sorry aunt Ode,” Vivienne says. “Things got… a little sour over here.” Odette raised an eyebrow. She just sighs and rolls away.

“I’m going to head to my room, okay,” Marinette says. “My head hurt and all the emotions made me tired.” She snorts.

“Do you need me to drive you?” Brethold asks.

“No, I think I’ll walk.”

“Be safe,” Aurora says.

“You too.”Marinette smiles as she gathers all her stuff to leave. After she leaves, Pollen pops her head up. Marinette just puts her hand in her bag and hold the kwamis. Hopefully, during the break, Marinette can rest… No evil Santa or amokized kids. No Chat and Beetle fights. Just her and her friends and family hanging out. Marinette wonders what Nino could have got her.

Quick note! I changed certain things about Marinette and her family. According to Google, most Chinese people in China don’t celebrate Christmas. So  I tried to include that. As for Tom’s parents. Her grandfather seemed racist. I live in the southern United States, he reminds me of a lot of the old people here. Also Google also says Moroccan people don’t celebrate Christmas either. The creator says Nino and his family are Moroccan (That's what the wiki says.) so I tried to add that as well. (I’m a white American. I tried to get info. If any of this is false please correct me!)

I’m hoping to get the Kwami post done soon.

[mvssmallow]

Memento Vivere

Part XI

Masterlist

In his Real Life, the one where he lives alone in a high rise apartment that record company money paid for, he’d either wake up alone or with people he has no intention of seeing again, much less make small talk with in the morning. If it’s high profile enough, his manager can threaten them with signing NDAs on their way out. It’s not his problem beyond the doorway.

When he’s hungry, he eats. When he wants to play video games, he does. When he wants to go out, hit a bar, hit a club, he throws on his leather jacket and grabs his credit card. His manager and team are permanently hovering but they know that they go where he goes. It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission and he knows he’s everyone’s meal ticket so what’s the worst that could happen? Nobody asks questions, he doesn’t offer answers.

But that’s not how all the Jiwons live.

Some Jiwons can’t do anything with getting clearance from an entire army of people, including one who can’t even talk yet.

And that’s how he finds himself now, crouched on the floor helping Minji with the velcro tabs on her Mickey Mouse sneakers and trying to figure out why Hanbin’s packing two backpacks for them when they’re just taking the kids to the Zoo.

Snacks. Water. Sunscreen. Money. A spare change of clothes for both kids. All of Jae’s baby supplies and a camera.

Okay, that’s standard.

But then there’s a whole other black backpack with headache tablets, allergy tablets, a small first aid kit, alternate snacks in case the other options get rejected and spare adult t-shirt and hoodie.

Anyone would think that they were going to Antarctica and not a couple minutes into town.

One of Minji’s Snoopy plushies is poking out of ‘his’ backpack and he doesn’t even remember it being there two seconds ago.

“Er, Hanbin?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do we have to take Snoopy to the Zoo?”

Hanbin looks up from where he’s adjusting Jae’s stroller. “Because I don’t feel like dealing with another tantrum today.”

“Will she even play with it-”

“Don’t you remember what happened last time?”

No he doesn’t. He wasn’t even here last time.

But Hanbin continues on, not even pausing for an answer because, he realises with crushing guilt, the Hanbin here doesn’t expect him to remember anything important.

“She got tired and scared from the snake display and cried for like 15 minutes until we got her a new plushy.” Hanbin recounts without stopping his stroller adjustments. “We’re not getting her a new plushy every time she freaks out. She can have Snoopy.”

“Oh.”

Hanbin straightens up and rolls his eyes. “Yeah. Oh. You think she’s not going to try it again? I’ve got this kid figured out.”

“You make her sound like she’s an evil mastermind.”

“And this is why she plays you so easily.”

He feels like laughing at the melodramatics but Hanbin’s furrowed brows, pursed lips and accusatory tone has him thinking otherwise.

“Sorry.”

“Huh?” There’s a surprised lilt and comically big eyes staring at him.

Even when they were kids meeting for the first time, he always thought Hanbin’s eyes got too big whenever he was surprised by something. Not quite doe eyes. Not quite Bambi. But pretty close. It’s memories like that that really punches him in the gut when he least expects it.

“Um, sorry? I guess. I should probably be more tough with her?” His voice is wobbly and unsure, it sounds nothing like how a Dad should sound. Hanbin’s going to figure all his lies out in 3, 2, 1.....

“Yeah....okay.”

It comes out quietly, calmly, appreciatively and relieved. He really doesn’t want to think about how the Jiwon here treats this Hanbin at all. Not when he himself, a total selfish idiot on his best day, is doing the bare minimum and somehow hasn’t fucked everything up. How much worse is the Real Dad Jiwon?

There’s a dark raincloud following him around everywhere here and he’s had enough of it. Just for one second, he wishes Hanbin would be happy. Not Pretend-Happy-for the sake of Everyone else but Real-Happy-Just-For-Himself.

“Isn’t it a bit hypocritical that we’ve got so many plushies for Jae though?” He jokes to lighten the mood.

Please work. Please work. Don’t get pissed.

Hanbin’s face visibly softens and he shrugs, maybe smiling a little. “He’s the baby. He can have whatever he wants.”

Right on cue, Jae babbles out at the mention of his name and the word ‘baby’.

“See? He agrees with me.”

“Of course he would. You let him have everything.”

“As if you don’t.”

“Well, he is the baby.”

“You do this every time.” Hanbin says with an amused shake of his head.

“Do what?”

“Act like you’re surprised about how much baby stuff we need.”

“He’s so small! Why does he even need that much stuff?”

“I don’t know Jiwon, he’s your kid, why don’t you ask him why he needs his bear and duck toys everywhere he goes?”

“Maybe he just wants to be prepared.”

“Because you never know when a bear situation will arise.” Hanbin replies in a mock serious tone.

And then the weirdest thing happens; they both laugh.

It’s nice.

But then-

“HURRY UP DADDY!”

Yeah, okay. Then there’s that.

****

The day turns out nice.

Weirdly, exhaustingly, overwhelmingly nice.

It’s somewhere between the Polar bear enclosure and Tiger cave that he forgets he’s pretending to be a dad and somehow feels like he is one.

“Daddy? Up?” Minji asks, sweet as can be all the sudden, tugging on his sleeve before holding both arms up at him.

As soon as he bends down, she’s already climbing onto his shoulders with practiced ease and a terrifying amount of trust that he really doesn’t deserve from any of them. He grips her ankles tightly as she yells out tiger commentary at the top of her lungs. There’s a young couple next to them smiling and a slightly older one laughing at the, “Look Daddy! The tiger knows how to swim!”

It takes him a few seconds to recognise the warmth in his chest. He hasn’t felt it in a long time.

Pride.

They think Minji is his daughter. But she’s not. Hanbin should get credit for this.

When he looks over, Hanbin is already looking back at him with an easy smile that he wouldn’t mind seeing more often.

Yeah, that’s really really nice.

And maybe because things are going too well, his dark raincloud decides to swoop in again. The building migraine suddenly throbbing behind his eyes and no matter how hard he tries to ignore it, the grimace hits his face at the worst time.

“Hey, you okay?” Hanbin asks him, reaching up to lower Minji to the ground despite her protests. “The tiger’s gone over there now Min, go look.”

It distracts her long enough for Hanbin to peer worriedly at his face.

“I’m...okay.” He waves the concern off, hoping the movement to comes across as casual. “Just a migraine.”

“Okay.” Hanbin echoes, not sounding convinced at all. “It’s probably time for lunch anyway. Let’s go find a place to sit down.”

They end up on a shady patch of grass near the duck pond and as soon as he sits down, Hanbin is holding out a bottle of water and two Advils. He takes them wordlessly, still marvelling at how one person can change so much in one lifetime.

There’s a gentle breeze through his hair as he sits on the picnic rug and when he closes his eyes, just for a second, he can hear Hanbin talking to both his kids in that patiently gentle way that still floors him.

“Oh no, I left Jae’s dinosaur snacks in the car.”

He’s already standing up. “I’ll go get them.”

“No, I’ll go. You’ve got a migraine. Just stay here and watch the kids.”

He shakes his head, the migraine is still there but he could do with a walk right now. “It’s better you watch them. I’ll go, it’s easier.”

And God, he really wishes he hadn’t said that.

Because next to their Honda, was that Angel-Satan guy leaning against a familiar black Jaguar. His stomach drops so fast that he completely forgets about his migraine altogether.

“YOU!” He hisses. “What are you doing here?”

“Welfare check.” The guy says casually, shrugging and adjusting the dark black sunglasses on his nose. “So, how’s things Jiwon?”

Something about the casual sunny disposition irritates him and he can barely hold it in.

“Listen, I know you know something about what’s going on here, so can you just-“

Angel (it’s what he’s started calling this weirdo in his head), just rolls his eyes but stays exactly where he is.

“You like it here?”

“What?”

“Do you like it here? This family little set up you’ve got?”

“Yeah, it’s....alright,” He starts, caught off guard by the question and unsure how to answer something like that now. “What’s that got to do with anything? Just tell me what the hell is going on?!”

“Just alright?”Angel echoes, tone disappointed and condescending. “Typical.”

“What?”

“Are you always this dense? Seriously?” Angel sneers now, crossing his arms in a way that’s threatening despite his smaller stature. “Actually, don’t answer that. I already know you are. It’s the whole reason you’re here to begin with.”

“I’m not dense! I get it! I know this isn’t right!” He snaps, running a tired hand through his hair. “This isn’t even my life. I’m not crazy. I’m a rapper, I live in Seoul, I have-“

“An album coming out, a girl and two guys you owe dates to, a manager who doesn’t really care about you as long as you’re on the charts and a family you rarely talk to. Empty chairs at empty tables and all that jazz.” Angel finishes with a wave of his fingers. “Yeah I know all about your other life, moron.”

He stumbles back, shocked by the truth for some reason, and it’s only when his hip hits the fucking Honda that he remembers Jae’s dinosaur snacks.

“I need to-“

“They can wait.”

“No, I need to get back. They’ll wonder where I am.”

Angel shakes his head, pointing to the very eerily still world around them. There’s a few families in the car park but they all frozen in mid motion.

“What did you do?”

“What does it look like?” Angel says. “It’s just suspended reality. So we can have our little chats without people thinking you’re nuts.”

“Is this real? Is this an alternate reality?”

“Something like that.”

He wasn’t expecting a real answer but that one sounds even worse.

“Why am I here?”

“To fix your mess.”

“What mess? Fix what?”

“I can’t tell you that. You can leave here when you figure that out for yourself. That’s how this works.”

“What about my other life? What about-“

“Suspended, for now.” Angel says, pushing off the Jaguar to stand next to him. “That sad little life will still be waiting for you when you’re done here.”

“What about the guy here? Me? Future me. Is it me right? I’m their dad right? Not some other guy?”

Angel smiles at the sudden panic in his voice. “Yeah it’s you. I mean, have you even seen your son lately? He looked like your twin even before he was born.”

He leans heavily against the Honda behind them, overwhelmed again but not in a good way.

“Do they know? That I’m not their real dad that usually lives here?” He asks quietly, as if the kids could even hear him from here. “Is this gonna mess them up too? Jae’s just a baby.”

“Ah. So now you’re asking some questions of relevance.” Angel says with soft pleased expression. “Too bad I can’t answer it.”

He wants to be angry but now he’s tired, the fight is gone and he just really wants answers.

“You can’t tell me anything? Not even who are you are or why you even know all this about me? No tips? Suggestions?” He chuckles bitterly, hoping Angel might spare him some sympathy.

“Do you really call me Angel in your head?”

“What? How do you know that?”

“I can read your mind, dumbass.” Angel says with a wide grin. “Anyway, No. I’m not allowed to tell you much else but you wouldn’t be here right now if you hadn’t messed up in your real world. Don’t make the same mistakes twice, that’s my tip to you. The rest is for you to figure out.”

Mistakes?

Which ones?

He’s made so many.

“Oh and Jiwon? The name isn’t entirely inaccurate even though it’s unoriginal as hell.” Angel adjusts his sunglasses again and then he’s gone, like a weird memory lost in the familiar roar of the Jaguar.

He’s not sure how long he stands there leaning against the Honda and breathing heavily. It takes a few good minutes before he slides back into the noise and activity of the world around him. It takes him three attempts to unlock the car door and find Jae’s dinosaur snacks.

“Feeling better?” Hanbin asks when he gets back.

It’s just a simple question but there’s Minji in her yellow overalls and Jae reaching for the T-Rex biscuits and Hanbin’s soft concern and a space on the red picnic rug that they saved for him.

This is more than just ‘alright’.

“Yeah, I’m good now.”

And it’s then that he realises: his migraine is gone.