#i did not watch 22 episodes of finn cheating on quinn and him being like “but i deserve u more than jesse!!!11!” for this to happen

[mikittalabs]

wow. i really wish that didn't happen

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Glee - S1 E5 (The Rhodes Not Taken)

Time to swan-dive off of the pinnacle of season 1, head-first into... Whatever this is. 

Here’s what you missed on: GLEE!

Oh yeah, invitationals are a thing right now. Can’t wait until those get scrapped. 

The autotuning on Finn and Quinn right now is perhaps the worst in the series. Did they do that on purpose so that I’d miss Rachel? Because I don’t!

Santana making jokes about Kurt’s sexuality... Lmao we see right through you hon

“We may have to layer Santana and Mercedes over Quinn’s solo” or... If you KNOW they’ve got more powerful voices... Give one of THEM the solo???

“That Rachel chick makes me want to light myself on fire but she can sing” Is the truest thing Puck’s said up to now

“How about I give Tina a few of her verses?” AGAIN, WILLIAM, WE’VE JUST BEEN THROUGH THIS!

Sign #14 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Why start a glee club when you’ve got no sense of talent? 

Good for Finn for telling Mr Schue to back the fuck off of his personal matters, for once

Terri’s stabbing that pie to an after-life death and she’s already had 2 slices and now she’s ordering another. Cravings are one thing but we all know that baby bump’s basically just a couch cushion? Honestly, props to her for being smart enough to own that situation

Sign #15 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: This dumbass guy straight up tells Mr Schue that he’s being held back in high school for YEARS just to stay in VA and his first thought ISN’T to tell somebody about it to inspect the situation. No, his first thought is, “how can I cheat like they are?”

Sign #16 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He told Emma about Quinn’s pregnancy, while rubbing his greasy hands all over her shoulders, with a big smile all over his face. Gross. 

Sign #17 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Using Emma to manipulate Finn into prioritising glee over football??????

Nobody believes in the talent of any of these kids who aren’t Rachel and it makes me so god damn sad

This Jacob-interviewing-Rachel scene did NOT age well. Although it’s definitely meant to be creepy...

Why did I never notice how fucked up this scene is before? Jacob, IN FRONT OF SANDY, A STAFF MEMBER, tells Rachel she’s got to strip to get a good review. And then he just... Starts talking about horse dicks...???? Hello? 2009????

How did Finn know Rachel would be in this random classroom

Finn’s a dick for using Rachel’s feelings to manipulate her here. But the thing is, with this season, they’re all still somewhat sympathetic... I still like all of these characters. I hate Rachel, even though I like her, because her entitled attitude makes sense. Finn being so desperate to get Rachel back in glee that he’ll go about it an underhanded way makes sense!

That being said, the chemistry’s real here

Sign #18 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Putting Emma’s job at risk to dig up April’s files just because he knows he can. Using her feelings against her! Is that the theme for this episode? Boooo

What is Ryan Murphy’s fascination with Andrew Cunanan? ...Also, I love that in the universe of glee, there’s a loose implication that Emma Pilsbury is distantly responsible for the death of Gianna Versace. That’s some worldbuilding right there...

Playing Heart Of Glass in the background here is a damn crime, because you know that was a cover just begging to be Quinn Fabray’d...

KRISTIN CHENOWETH!!!!! I don’t care how much they paid her for this, it wasn’t enough

Sign #19 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: When April very blatantly implies that she’s an escort, and expecting for them to sleep together, he says nothing. Wonderful marriage you got there, Will!

Sign #20 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He doesn’t care about the actual wellbeing of the glee kids, and he doesn’t care about April’s struggles, or helping her recover. If he did, he wouldn’t invite her to school without a second thought! She literally doesn’t have a HOME, dude!

All the kids are immediately uncomfortable. Don’t do this to them!!!

Kurt’s genuinely wearing a shirt/blazer combo right now that I swear to god I’ve seen my grandma rock. I wish I was kidding 

Cool time to cry while Lea and Kristin both destroy Maybe This Time! Kristin gives it far more depth though, can’t lie. Chills chills chills chills!!!!!

UGH. The way April stops her performance, the lights around her fades, she comes back to reality and you can just feel her realising how badly she’s missed singing... Why did this show have to hire such an icon for such a tiny roll!!! 

I’d cry too, Kurt. I’d cry too...

Is huffing upholstery cleaner a real thing? I mean, she says it was the 90′s. Anything’s possible...

Sign #21That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Once he’s forced to come to terms with the fact that April makes the kids uncomfortable, does he ask her to leave them be? No. He tells her to convince them that, yes, they should adore this random woman he pulled off of the streets to take their solos...

And she starts by boozing up Kurt. Leave him alone!!! He doesn’t want to drink his aunt Mildred! His face when he says “that’s fantastic...” is priceless. He’s so naive. Somebody protect him.

Kurt can’t really be into the old-ass dude on that muscle mag cover. And he can’t honestly be walking around with it exposed to the world can he? HIDE YOUR PORN!!!

I forgot about this smuggling scene... Oh my god. She legit sent Tina and Mercedes on a thieving rampage huh!

Tina’s face when she looks at Mercedes... Priceless. I adore her.

And then... The shower scene. Right. ._. I knew there was a reason I really didn’t like April. They’re kids!!!

Sandy sucks. That’s all I have to say about that. 

I love that bowling is Finn’s personal remedy for all of life’s stress.

Sign #22 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: The smug look he gives Rachel when he tells her, without actually acknowledging her, that April’s got her part now. He’s clearly rubbing it in, and pretending he’s “excited” to see the play is a load of shit! He’s really SMIRKING because he just upset a teenage girl!

I know we need to let the audience know that Kurt’s drinking a little too much too fast, but he looks like he got that suit from a homeless man who’s twice his size in a fight, which he lost...

“Oh, Bambi... I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy........[VIOLENT RETCHING]”

Sign #23 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: April is the only person who could’ve gotten Kurt that drunk and they all know it. That should be enough for him to turn her out the door, at the very least until she’s sobered up completely!!! “I’m so sorry. I’ll talk to him.” Talk to HER first, fuckwit!

Good on Emma for telling him like it fucking is. They’re here to help the kids, that’s that. Why doesn’t he fucking listen?

How is Sandy getting away with just bullying Rachel like this??? She’s a TEENAGER. How has nobody filed a fucking complaint???

April just unabashedly thirsting over high-schoolers in the bathroom? Hello? 

Rachel tells it like it is. April’s just fucking things up and she knows it! And now she’s one nudge closer to realising she actually cares about her friends, so that’s nice

“Do I have to put my fingers in the holes?” Wanky

She’s really cosplaying as a sailor for her bowling date with Finn, huh?

I hate how cute Finn and Rachel are here even though I know he’s playing her for her talent...

I want to say “Why are Will and April having such a serious conversation in a BOWLING ALLEY?” But I can buy that she’d only agree to talk if they could do it there

Ok, nope, Will’s just said “I brought you here because I need to talk to you” so he picked the bowling alley. Who the fuck stages a one-man intervention in the middle of a bowling match?

Kristin plays a very convincing addict pretending to agree with an intervention just because the intervention hurts

Seeing her get all emotional at how much Will looked up to her is really making me feel... God damn the talent on this woman

I don’t want to enjoy anything Will Schuester does, but Kristin elevates any cover she touches automatically, so yeah, I love listening to them do Alone. Matt Morrison’s lip-syncing is suuuuuuper off though...

I can physically feel the hold Finn’s got on Rachel’s heart right now. God damn. Also, he’s a bastard for leading her on like this.

The glee kids are all a bunch of dumbies if they can’t tell Quinn’s pregananant and I love them for it. “Lactose intolerant” ??? Really, Kurt?

“I bet you thought Bert and Ernie were just roommates” Puck, at it again with the lines

Kurt’s so excited about the drama? I wonder if it’s because he thinks Finn will leave Quinn because of the baby, like, c’mon he’s got more decency than that

Finn deadass APPLIED for a scholarship? Does anybody else remember this because I sure as hell don’t? I’m pretty sure they never mention it again!!!

Rachel SLAPS THE SHIT out of Finn and nobody so much as looks their way? Not even when she’s yelling at him in the middle of the halls? Ok RIB

“I haven’t been totally honest with you but that’s different from lying” Is it. Finn? Is it...?

Honestly, I can’t blame Rachel for leaving glee now. Me too sis.

Oh my god Sue’s taking down a glee flyer but puts it back up the second she sees Rachel... Priceless

Did Sue just... Technically give Rachel the position of arts administrator?

I love seeing all the glee kids in their cowboy digs. Kurt and Finn are nailing those hats. 

Sign #24 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He watches April literally KISS Puck and doesn’t immediately kick her out??? HELLO???

Sign #25 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Emma tells Will that April was 1) drunk driving and 2) nearly RAN! HER! OVER! In the parking lot! And he still lets her go on for a number! What the FUCK!

Netflix subtitles are describing Figgins as “EMCEE” but... We know who he is!

I don’t know my last name either, April... I really don’t.

I hate how genuinely into the cowboy outfits I am. They’re all so cute??? ESPECIALLY Quinn. And Kurt. And Brittany. Be still my pansexual heart

For a second I thought Finn was doing the royal wave, like wow, how much time have you spent with Kurt, my guy???

Oh, NOW Will’s stopping her? Yeah, you’re such a hero. Just about a week too late. 

April really breaks my heart here. For now, she’s a real sweetheart... “You won’t let what happened to me ever happen to any of them” OUCHIE...

Sign #26 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Once he’s done with April, he just completely gives up trying to help her at all

They’re all so cute, getting ready for the next act and bonding... Kurt’s doing Santana’s make up and she’s smiling at him, Quinn’s doing Finn’s tie, Tina and Mercedes are just giggling together... Pure.

At least Mr Schue has the decency to admit that he screwed up by bringing April into the club.

Rachel ex Machina!!!

“I realised being a star doesn’t make me feel as special as being your friend,” she says, before forgetting that lesson for several seasons

Why do they have a costume set aside for Rachel? They didn’t start planning this until after Rachel quit, I don’t think?

AMBER! SMASHING! THAT! NOTE!!!

Oh shit, Artie does play the guitar more than once. Look at him go! 

So, there’s an episode. April certainly isn’t my favourite guest star character, but Kristin Chenoweth does the absolute most. Always.