#i did not get killed by a space alien 👍 i had a lovely time

[knightotoc]

kinda crazy to see Predator 2 and then almost immediately take public transportation in Los Angeles 🫠

[humandisastersquad]

VERY SPOILERY RISE OF SKYWALKER REVIEW BELOW

CONS:

you can ABSOLUTELY tell that this is a finale to a trilogy that was  not planned out and also badly written into a fuckawful awkward corner (thanks ryebread johnson)

seriously this movie had the plot of a fanfic.net fanfiction 

like Harry Potter and the Cursed Child levels of Whack

REY PALPATINE WAS A CRACK THEORY IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE CANON

ARE YOU TELLING ME, LUCASFILM, THAT PALPATINE FUCKS

REY KENOBI MAKES MORE SENSE

ANYWAY

im still livid over jj and lucasfilm forcing carrie to lose so much weight at her age inadvertently leading to her death

aside from losing an incredible person, having leia play a much larger role in the film would’ve been what she Deserved

also her dying to try and help ‘redeem’ her son was complete Bullshit and it ended up not mattering because rey healed him immediately after killing the bastard

all of crylo ron’s ‘’”redemption’” in general

he’s a fucking space  n*zi who’s killed millions of people you cant fucking  redeem him it’s disgusting that they’d even try let alone expect the few  things he did this movie to even BEGIN to make up for all his crimes

r*ylo and the r*ylo kiss. i wanna Barf just thinking about it

crylo manhandling rey’s corpse while she flops around like a rag doll honest to god made me feel sick. white cishets are banned from romance

speaking of unneeded and unwanted heterosexuality, poe being given a female love interest, like was that Necessary (the answer is No)

but dont worry! we got a 2 second kiss between 2 women!! Homophobia is over!!!

even finnrey didnt get a payoff like finn was So Close to confessing he loves rey and then?? it’s never followed up??? listen i know d*sney are homophobic cowards and would never let finnpoe be a thing but finnrey would’ve been Amazing also

rose was so obviously sidelined it was Yikes

ghjgdhfjgsd everything to do with palpatine was so ridiculous like hjkhdf you can so tell this is Not the direction the trilogy was supposed to go

him just having an ENTIRE FLEET of PLANET KILLING SHIPS is just so op and unbelievable it was hard to take seriously

tbh i couldnt take ANYTHING to do with palps seriously thanks to his inherent memeness

WHERE DID HE GET THOSE THOUSANDS OF SITH FOLLOWERS

NOTHING MAKES SENSE

also this is levelled at the sequel trilogy in general but

seriously like. the PT and OT established Rules and Limits to the force so it cant be some OP as fuck deus ex machina which it’s become in the ST

Sequel Trilogy Back At It Again With Ignoring Already Established Planets And Aliens (especially those from the prequels and cartoon series)

Seriously, just put a twi’lek or two in the background it’s not that hard, stop putting in random new aliens it just makes it look like a Generic Scifi Film instead of star wars

no?? promise or even set up?? of future jedi??? like school or anything??like what is the fucking Point if there isn’t after all times the jedi have been killed off

PROS:

TROS SAID SEQUEL TRIO RIGHTS

FUCKING FINALLY

the Banter™ and dialogue between the trio was so fucking GOOD

rey: i’m going alone finn and poe: with friends rey: alo- finn and poe: NOPE not happening

finn and poe’s dynamic especially was 👌👍

HUGS

SO MANY HUGS

THAT FINNREYPOE HUG AT THE END CURED MY DEPRESSION

i know i talked about leia above BUT she was a much larger part of the film than i ever expected

HER TRAINING REY

LEIA’S LIGHTSABER!!!

THE FLASHBACK WITH LUKE AND LEIA TRAINING!!!!!!!

hux being the first order spy out of spite only because he fucking hated crylo and wanted to take him down AND THEN being unceremoniously executed (after being shot in the leg by finn) is just *chef’s kiss* What That Bastard Deserved

LANDO CALRISSIAN HELL FUCKING YEAH

THE EX FIRST ORDER STORMTROOPERS AND THE REBELLION

im so glad jj seemed to have wanted the stormtrooper rebellion to be a thing and saw r*an’s piss poor attempt at it in a deleted scene was like Yeah Okay So It Did Happen So Fuck You

FORCE SENSITIVE FINN BABEYYY

it’s not as Explicit as i wouldve liked but boy howdy was it There

the inherent memeness of skeevy sheevy vs whatever drama they were angling for 

i was in TEARS laughing at how ridiculous he was

palps meme potential was off the charts

WHEN ALL THE PAST JEDI SPEAK TO REY

I ALL BUT SHRIEKED

the big end battle when all the other ships turn up (INCLUDING THE GHOST) to defeat the final order and it’s everyone showing up to help work together to defeat the bad guys because star wars is about hope and teamwork defeating evil :’)

the whole sequence on tattoine with rey burying luke and leia’s lightsabers and seeing their force ghosts bought me to fucking TEARS

REY’S YELLOW LIGHTSABER HELL FUCKING YEAH BABY

this film was just so much more hopeful and bright and FUN than tlj and watching it didnt feel like passing kidney stones the entire time

overall it was a fucking mess but i guess that’s what happens when you dont have an overarching plan for your fuckign multi-billion dollar trilogy and let a smug douchebag who’s incapable of writing completely wreck everything you set up in your first movie and then have to try and wrangle it in again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯