#i did not forget about tumblr my internet is just too shitty to load the site 90% of the time
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chiseikumo · 2 years ago
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some art for the new zero 9:36 songs. technically the visual is more inspired by the cover art of "stuck in my ways" but "self-destruct" was on repeat throughout the process we have (1) a painting (2) some photoshop filters and textures as usual (3) the quickest and dirtiest edit yet (4) and an edited version of it with a gradient map (5) i have no idea but it got a vibe
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joons-expensive-gurl · 7 years ago
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Answering 99 Questions (I reblogged them before this post - they don’t belong to me)
1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Probably not
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? Considering I am 18, yes
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? MAMA. The 🐍
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? Nope
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Nope
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? Not today, I’m too sick to have earphones in TT
7. What exactly are you wearing right now? Leggings and an oversized hoodie and mr Friends t-shirt
8. How often do you listen to music? Every day, bro I’ll go home
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? The last time I wore sweats was 2 years ago when PE was mandatory for me so...
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013? ... no. No I don’t.
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? A n t i
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? Nope
13. What about ‘R’? Only a D which is coincidental since D also stands for DICKHEAD
14. Can you drive a stick shift? I can’t drive
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? Idgaf I know me and that’s all that matters
16. Are you going out of town soon? 2 months ish probs shouldn’t say that on the internet so pls don’t stalk me
17. When was the last time you cried? A couple of days ago my dad accidentally hit me in the eye with a sock
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? Yep
19. If you could change your eye color, would you? Absolutely not
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? There’s 7 😏
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. I’m unwell.
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? yES
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? Absolutely not
24. What are you sitting on right now? Me sofa
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Nah
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Oh, yes. Haven’t we all?
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? My dad
28. Do you get a lot of colds? Considering I have one now, yes. Wait does hayfever count???
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? Primark
30. Does anyone hate you? Probably
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? Fuck no. I don’t drink
32. Do you like watching scary movies? nOpE
33. Do you want your tongue pierced? I’ve thought about it but I’m scared of the pain and the fact I won’t be able to eat for a few days
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? Year 9. Definitely year 9 (when I was 14, don’t ask me what year that was because I don’t know what year it is today never mind four years ago... wait 2014 there ya go)
35. Did you have a dream last night? Yeah but I can’t remember it properly, I know Namjoon was in it and there was a gameshow
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Can’t remember
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Bitch I hope the fuck not
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?*laughing in the distance*
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Most likely not in the way I want them to
40. Did you have a good day yesterday? I suppose
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? Nope
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? Yes I will
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yep
44. What’s the best part about school? *harder laughing in the distance*
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? I deleted Facebook over a year ago
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? Nope
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yes
48. Were you single over the last summer? Technically, yes, but I’m married to somebody called iPhone
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? No, thank fuck
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Not posting to tumblr lmao
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? Nope
52. Are you nice to everyone? I try to be
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Oh yes
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Of course, I’m not a fucking waste of oxygen 🙃
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Yep
56. Do you think you like someone? No, I know
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? Nope
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? I don’t have a preference
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? Yes
60. Do you hate anyone? Hate is a strong word
61. How’s your heart? What’s a heart? Lmao mines good fam. Three years later and it’s finally alright
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yes.
63. Have you ever cried over a guy? Unfortunately. He never deserved those was though
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? My mum
65. Are your toenails painted pink? No
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? Lmao I probably won’t get kissed again. I don’t do relationships or shit like that anymore
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? No. Why would anyone love it when someone is crying??????? Tf
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? No
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? College (I called in sick)
70. How do you look right now? Like shit. I’m not being over dramatic, my face is pale, I have shitty sickness eyes (bags, swollen n shit) my sinuses are swollen. I’m a mess.
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Nope
72. Can you commit to one person? Yes
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Yes he’s one of the greatest friends anyone could ask for
74. Have you ever felt replaced? Oh yes
75. Did you wake up cranky? Every day I do
76. Are you a jealous person? Unfortunately I am
77. Are relationships ever worth it? No.
78. Anyone you’re giving up on? Everyone.
79. Currently wanting to see anyone? No
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? College
81. Last person you cried in front of? My dad
82. Is there someone you will never forget? A few
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? Nah.
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Crying
85. Are you over your past? I’ve done some shit so no
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Nope
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Nah
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? I would accept punching them in the face
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? nO
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Yep (I’m sorry Sebastian they’ll never understand your beauty, or you JDM)
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? No
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? Nope
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? Nope I don’t think I know any Matthews apart from famous ones
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? Nope. I was doing good on my own.
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? I didn’t like anyone
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? All my friends attractive af they beautiful bitches 💖
97. Who do you have texts from? My three best friends and my parents.
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Been there, done that, bye
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Does family count?
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serenemakes · 5 years ago
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Easy Art for your OCs, dnd characters, NPCs and more!
Tired of those “doll maker” sites that generate very similar outcomes? Not artistic? Can’t draw? Want to make some art for your OCs, dnd characters, NPCs and more?
Hero Machine is for you!
So, I found HeroMachine 3 while dnd prepping a few years ago. I figured I’d let the tumblr community in on it. Mainly because it seems like a lot of people seem to really enjoy making stuff on those doll maker sites and stuff for a lot of their OCs or dnd characters and stuff.
I use HM3 when I have specific NPCs in my dnd campaign that I don’t have specific art for, but I also don’t want to go through all of the effort of drawing them. It’s not as simple as a “doll maker” but it’s definitely easier than actually buckling down and drawing.
I’m gonna add a below the cut, because as previously stated in some of my other posts, I’m super extra and I’ve added tons of pictures and stuff.
So how it works is basically there are pre-generated pieces (hair, body, clothes, etc) and you can choose how you piece it all together!
You’ll start with something like this:
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You can either start with a blank page (advanced) or start with a generic female/male load. Loading the standard loads actually goes through and loads each “standard set” for each slot type, which actually takes a hot minute. So if your internet is a bit slow, I would say start from scratch and place a Body first.
In the entire time I typed that last paragraph, the stuff is still loading. I don’t have particularly terrible internet. When you start from scratch, it loads up each “set” as you choose it. So it’s a lot speedier.
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This is the “standard set” for the female load which...gross. But I guess it shows kind of what it can do?
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This is mostly how I start?
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This is the list of all the different categories of things it has. I’ll end up showing some of my final things for my dnd characters (which, I honestly spent a little bit of time doing one of my book characters, like an idiot, totally forgetting i actually had other stuff made).
It goes farther into detail for each, usually having different stuff for men vs women. Either way, the difference is just in the base size and start location of stuff. All of which you can change, move, and edit.
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It has options for tech and fantasy clothes. And for some reason... a zombie selection?? Whatever.
For every item, you can change the color...
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One thing that I did not realize until like, way later. Is that you can add custom colors. Which is great when your two colors don’t exactly match up. Like that super hero woman above (I’d like to make a disclaimer that i did not design that.) Her pants are two weird blues. With the custom colors-- you can go to a site like Color Hexa, which I keep bookmarked, and add custom colors in by their hex codes. Color Hexa is really nice too because it gives complementary colors, and opposites. Etc. I’m not an artist, so all those fancy art terms. It has that.
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That’s what the Custom colors panel looks like. Add the hex value, or the RGB value (which is what works for me. for some reason the hex value doesn’t work for me). Anyways, pop those numbers in, and click save swatch. And BAM, it’ll pop right into the bottom white bits. And you have your custom colors! This is nice, too, for skin colors.
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The Transform Panel is all about changing the size and rotation of things. And changing where it’s at in terms of the layers. It’s not fancy-- you can’t see the actual layers in order like you can with Photoshop, Gimp, or something like Krita. But it works in the most basic sense.
Same with the Masking. It works in the most basic sense. I use it for scars, freckles, and form fitting clothes. Otherwise, it’s honestly just a huge hassle. If I’m putting that much effort into doing this, I’m going to draw it myself. But some people aren’t artistic. (Not that I’m actually artistic, I have a very basic set of artistic skills but I’m a workin’ on it).
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The last panel is for adding Patterns to things. You can use it for lots of stuff.. Rugs, gradients, etc. I used it on my one character’s flannel shirt? So, yeah. Anyways. That’s that.
This ended up being kind of a tutorial. I’ll add some of my finished stuff so you can see what is possible with it.
If you like it, cool. If not, oh well, look at these shitty characters I made.
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Ka’l-- my tomelock pirate (she actually has armor, don’t worry. And now a cloak of protection!)
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Ale-- my drunken master monk
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Boor-- my husband’s Firbolg barbarian
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An old version of my cousin’s druid...
Super sorry this turned out to be super long. But, yeah. Hope it helps at least someone?
It’s really fun for dnd characters and ideas. Even if it’s like, one of those things where it’s like... you have tons of character ideas and you just wanna get them out and down.
You can save all your stuff and the website remembers it all... with.. cookies or something. And you can download everything too. So yeah. Enjoy. Have fun.
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violetsandloveletters · 5 years ago
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A very long Q that’s taken a while to pass some time...
Do you actually love your grandpa? Grandad, of course, I love them both so much. Do you actually love your grandma? Nan & yes, again, I love & value them both so much, i’m very close to the grandparents on my mums side & honestly both my nan & grandad on that side are both my favourite people. Do you have Facebook? I do & I hate it, I only have it to see pics from my family in America & Spain tbh. What was the last thing you posted on someone’s wall? I wished someone a happy birthday but can’t remember who... Do you have MySpace? I did but haven’t used it in years, sucks that I lost all of my pictures on there. Loved that site tbh. What is your favorite kind of music? I love such a huge range of music tbh, like 80′s, Fall Out Boy, Arctic Monkeys, I listen to Motown when I clean... Honestly a bit of everything. Favorite soft drink? Pepsi Max is my everything quite honestly. Favorite food? Five Guys, chicken teriyaki from Yo Sushi! Krispy Kreme doughnuts, a decent cake- I love food so... Have you ever felt replaced? Of fucking course & it fucking sucks. Have you ever worn false eyelashes? I have & they are a bit of a pain. Do you ever regret making a friend? Yeah for sure. Can you cure mental illness? I don’t think you can cure it, learn to cope somewhat I yeah but I know for a fact that the shit I suffer with on a daily basis will never be cured nor will the trauma/shit just go away. Is God good? Athiest... Cats or dogs? I love both. I have a cat called Hades & would love a dog too someday. Do you play video games? Sims 4, I’ve loved Sims forever! Do you take medication for mental health? Yes I do. Can you really be racist to a white person? You can be racist to anyone... Do you have a favorite hair accessory? What does it look like? I’m boring so either a black scrunchie or the plastic spiral hairbands that don’t kink your hair & I have so many of them. What’s your favorite type of insect? Erm Dragonflies, caterpillars or bees. What’s your LEAST favorite type of insect? Maggots or spiders & moths are a love/hate. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? What did you say? What’s his/her favorite food? My friend Skye, can’t remember & I loved with her for a while so I should know this but she’s part Italian & an amazing cook so anything she cooks for herself i’m sure. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? Apart from the stuff we have at work which I kinda shut off from unless it’s something decent, Billie Eilish ‘Ocean Eyes’, i’m in love with it. Have you ever slept in a water bed? Nope. How do you feel about having sex during your menstrual period? I mean if it’s not heavy it doesn’t bother me tbh, you just can’t do much fun stuff lol. Does your ex have a job? Yeah. Have you ever slept in a car? On car rides yeah, I think I have with an ex once before though when we were supposed to camp but it was cold. What was the last term of endearment you used (babe, hun, dear, etc)? No idea, babe? How often do you use Flickr? Not for like 10 years. Have you ever been on a blind date? No. Do you have a crush on the last person you texted? No. Have you ever got into an argument with the last person you kissed? No. Have you ever liked somebody who was nice to you, but horrible to everyone else? Not sure really. How’s your appetite atm? I’m not hungry, I feel like i’ve just been eating for the sake of it since being ill the other week. Out of all the conversations you’ve had recently, which one has made you smile or laugh the most? No idea, can’t think of once honestly. Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? No idea what it was. What is one vacation destination that many people think is just fabulous but which you personally have no desire to visit (or revisit)? Ooh tough question, somewhere like Turkey or Germany. If you were five years younger but knew everything at that age that you’ve actually learned over the last five years, what is one thing you would definitely do differently? Be stronger & don’t put up with any shit from anyone. What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? My cat & that is literally it & the chance to have a child I guess but Hades for sure. What activity that you have to do every once in a while that you dread the most? Travelling to my mums, she lives about 5 min drive away but I don’t drive & it takes like 40mins by bus or longer by train. When people hear what you do for a living, what is the most typical question or comment they give you regarding your job? Idk, they like the shop but I hate having to explain why i’m on lower hours because of my health cos it’s kinda shitty at 27 when I used to work full time as a store manager. If you were left alone for one hour with nothing more than a pen and a notepad, what would you be inclined to draw or write during those 60 minutes? Not sure, it depends on my mood at the time I guess. If you could witness anything at all in super-slow motion, what would you want to see? No idea. If someone were looking for you in a bookstore, in what section would they be most likely to find you? The art history section or the bit with tarot cards & astrology & stuff. What do you forget to do more often than anything else? Take the bins out when I leave the house so I have to go back up to get them or leave post on the side & forget what they are about. If you could teach everyone in the world one skill, what would it be? How to important it is to make sure that just because you don’t agree or understand what someone else has said/is going through, doesn’t mean it’s not real/irrelevant. You’ve been offered the chance to paint a billboard along a highway with any message you choose, as long as it’s only 10 words long. What is your message? No idea, something inspirational I guess. Would you ever travel to Africa? Nah, don’t fancy it. Whose house were you last at? Mums. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Overdose I guess. Have you ever met anyone who was overly addicted to a computer game? My brother is obsessed with PS4 & I love Sim 4 & can be on it for hours. Have you ever been fingered? Lol. What do you do the most when you are online? Youtube, research random shit, Tumblr, look for stuff to buy/can’t afford or look for places to live in my home town as I wanna move back. What video game have you played the most? SIMS 4 how many times do I have to mention this game :| Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? I don’t have anything to be ashamed of if that’s what you’re asking. What is something you and your significant other do that may seem weird to others? No idea really. When and why did you last cry? Earlier, I cry literally all the time lately. When was the last time you drank? Alcohol? A long time, after being with D & his issues I hate it even more than I did before. Do you wear jewelry a lot? Earrings, belly bar & nose ring I never take out, I have a anklet I wear pretty much every day as well as my Tiffany ring & Tiffany bracelet from D & a necklace from my mum that says ‘Love you to the moon’ or an amethyst pendant on suede. I have like a small selection of random valuable jewellery I switch between rather than loads of costume cheap stuff apart from the 20ish chokers I have... Who in your household do you not have a good relationship with? None? Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? D, honestly I would die, same as Hades, they are my family. I nearly lost my mum in April & it was horrendous, but any close family really or my best friend. Honestly, would you rather be single or in a relationship? A relationship for sure. Do any of your friends not get along at all? D & my best friend possibly? What are your 3 favorite internet sites? Youtube, Tumblr & maybe ASOS haha. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? No idea, can’t think of anyone. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? I’m in the UK so neither. Who is your favorite model? Anyone male with long hair & a nose ring ha. What have you done that is out of character for you? I’m not sure really, i’ve changed a lot over the last few years & don’t take shit & will say exactly how I feel & have become very angry whereas before I used to be shy & bite my tongue a lot more than I used too. But physically I went to a concert on my own last year which was the ultimate ‘fuck it, i’ve gone mad’ moment as I was on the train there & tbh it was traumatising. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? So many things, I feel very strongly about a lot of things I just have never had a chance to actually go to a protest. What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? Fuck knows, probably getting drunk years ago & blacking out. What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? I mean it’s not saying I can’t, more shouldn’t, but me & D getting Hades. What are you most thankful for? My family, D, Hades and the NHS. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? You can find some good shit. What do you like to put gravy on? Anything I possibly can! My fave midnight snack atm is yorkshire puddings & gravy or another of my faves is jacket potato with cheese & gravy. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? Yeah, for a school trip once & I loved it. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? Compliments of how I look & compliments on my boobs haha & also how much of a nice person I am & that i’m always there to listen & just nonjudgemental. What is priceless to you? Love & the good people I have around me. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? I’m not sure really. Do you keep a budget? Yeah I do, I use an app cos that’s waht you do when you’re an adult with many bills & your own place haha. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Having CFS/ME it’s hard to say because it’s a bit of a roll of a dice tbh, some days I could have an amazing night sleep or a relaxed day off but the rest & refreshed feeling could be short lived/non existent. A massage or a relaxing bath with Lush products helps clear my mind somewhat though. Who depends on you the most? My cat, & I guess my mum since she’s been unwell over the last few months. Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? Im petite & 5ft with size 2 feet... Has one of your biggest fears come true? Yeah, being cheated on. Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? No. Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? No lol. I like what I like. Have you ever ridden on a subway or train and what did you like about it? Yeah quite often, I love getting the train into London cos it’s just chill. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? Somewhat. What embarrasses you instantly? I’m so easily embarrassed & so self conscious so literally anything. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? No, same as the bodyguard thing, i’m too small & have ME so the fatigue stops a lot. What do you think should be censored? Can’t think tbh. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? William the Conqueror which means the Queen too & Danny Dyer, Alexander the Great. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? I would & family I guess, haven’t really thought about it Have you ever fired a gun? No. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Hard to choose just one, just being a great teacher & loving & caring for them & helping the kid grow into a great person & always being there to guide & listen. Who is a female role model in your life? My nan. What childhood dreams have you neglected? Not really childhood but I wanted to be a dermatologist & I regret not training to do that, What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? My future, when you loose the will to live a bit or suffer with trauma/suicidal thoughts or have a botched life/childhood it’s very hard to see anything clearly. The way I perceive people or myself or life will always be tainted I think. Would you travel to space if possible? Would be very cool, though space food looks rancid. Are you an optimistic person? Depends on the circumstance, I like to think im optimistic when it comes to relationships or D or whatever but in general im not. Im a logical person. Do you consider yourself more realistic OR idealistic? Bit of both. Have you ever felt bi-curious? Never, I like dick & dick is all it’ll ever be. Are you a fan of U.S. President Donald Trump? Not really. Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Erm me, hi! I suffer with multiple mood disorders. Are you green-eyed? Bluey green I guess. Would you consider UFC fighting and WWE real sports events? Not sure. Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? No. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? I currently work on a retail shop floor, but i’d prefer an office I think. Do you have a favorite wild animal? Why? I love wolves & tigers because they are both stunning & bats. Do you have any unusual, uncommon phobias? Mould, im terrified & me & my brother have trypophobia which is holes. Do you prefer Android or iPhone? Iphone. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? All, depends on the time of the month & mood, probs sweet & savoury are top. Do you believe climate change is real? 100000000% Do you believe in evolution OR creationism? Evolution! Do you think people can really predict the future? Hmmm, idk, I do believe in tarot & shit so... Have you been to a lot of shrinks? We don’t call them that here but psychiatrists & psychologists or councillors, yeah. How often do you clean your room? I have a whole flat to clean & once a week, usually Mondays are my ‘get my shit together for the week’ days. Any movies coming out soon that you want to see? It’s out now but Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. What was the last fear you overcame? Not sure.  Have you ever hurt yourself trying to crack a body part? No. What’s the worst part about winter? My bedroom gets freezing so forgetting to put the heating on & freezing my ass off in the morning. Or when you layer up but have to travel on the tube or in shops & it’s fucking boiling. Also when it’s icy & trying not to trip over. Summer? Our houses in the UK are made to keep heat in not out so when it is a hot day we don’t have aircon & shit. Spring? Hayfever & the days where it’s warm enough to wear sandals. Fall? I love Autumn. Are you allergic to anything? Quorn & grapefruit & avocados/nuts can give me migraines. How many times have you changed a diaper in your life? Lots when my little brother was a baby. Which country has the most fascinating culture? Japan is crazy but I love anciet history so does ancient Greek & Rome count?. Who does your favorite song? Fuck that’s the most difficult question ever. When was the last time you wore makeup? Today. Do you prefer males or females or both? I have men issues but females apart from my best friend & family annoy me & most of my friends are men & so’s my cat so... Where in your town do you go when you wanna chill with a few friends? Me & my bestie would go to London. Where’s the best place to get coffee? I don’t drink coffee but I love a Costa. Have you ever seen someone struggle with an addiction? D, it was hell. In May I lost a friend because of addiction too & it really struck something inside. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? My nan brought me pink roses for my birthday this year & roses are my favourite. Do you like cranberry juice? Only in a Woo Woo cocktail.. Do you play any zombie-killing video games? No. What is the dominating genre on your mp3 player/iPod? 80′s everything! Do you have a book shelf? No. What website do you spend way too much time on? Youtube or Netflix or Now Tv on the telly. Do you like wind chimes? Yeah. Do you have a fetish? Maybe... Do you have a pet fish? No, I’ve had a few in my time though, my first pets were goldfish called Michael Jackson & Bubbles. Do you like kettle corn? Popcorn? Yeah. Do you enjoy classic rock? Looove! When was the last time you went for a walk, just cause? Never lol, probably the last time I went to my grandparents house as they live practically on the seafront & it’s just lovely where they live. Do you listen to Type O Negative? No. Do you have any fillings or cavities? No. Have you gotten your wisdom teeth taken out yet? No & hopefully don’t ever have too. Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? I skim over yeah. Did you have a lot of birthday parties when you were younger? If so, did you invite everyone in the class? Yeah, my first party was the class but after it was friends. Do you like when things are color coordinated? YES & i’m very OCD about it. Have you ever participated in one of those “guess how many jelly beans, mints, etc. are in this jar!” contest? if so, have you ever won? Yeah, and no. Can you juggle? No. Have you ever mistaken a ringing phone on TV or in a movie for your own? Yeah, How often do you use bobby pins? Whenever I do a messy bun so often. Do you live on an avenue, road, drive or something else? Street. What are your school colors? The first was blue, the 2n’d was red & the 3rd was green. Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? Yeah. Have you ever rolled down a steep, grassy hill for fun? Yeah when I was younger. Do you like Nerds candy? Never had them!
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varsonic-blog · 7 years ago
Text
lost and not found
feb 12
hi its me again.
yes i’m hurt. she’s hurt too, she’s been hurt all this time and I’ve known it but I can’t ever bring it up to her because she doesn’t communicate with me and I thought by letting her come to me it would’ve been better. some shitty lover I was, i should’ve just talked to her about it everytime I knew something was up or that things didn’t feel right. I could feel her faking it, but I never brought it up because I didn’t want to stir the pot. 
why do you have to be so STUBBORNN. admit to some things that you have responsibility too! we both fucked up, we’re both not perfect but we still can love and vibe with each other. stop hiding your feelings and just communicate with me, i read your mind but I can’t bring up sad stuff even if I feel that you’re faking it because I don’t want to trigger things. 
this whole time I thought i was apologizing for not being the bigger person and forcing her to go home and this isn’t a good idea, never once did she ever say she wanted to go home, never once did she say this isn’t a good idea, and throughout the whole night I asked if she’s sure and if she’s ok
this is more of a self-blog and not meant for anyone else but a way for me to cope, a way for me to vent.
I grew up on the internet, maybe that’s what you can see from the past story posts.
I want to talk about stuff, whats on my mind.
In 2017, I lost a lot of things. I cut a lot of friends out of my life, I lost a lot of money, I had my car broken into twice, I had 3 car accidents, one I almost died, I almost had close calls where I could’ve been in a load of shit, I hurt some people around me and I just made poor decisions. two people i thought were my friends stole my whole bank account. all that money i’ve saved up gone. 
I lost everything, and all I had left was school, one or two friends, a job at a club, and nothing else.
And then around mid december I met this one girl that works at the club with me. She was a unicorn, I’m going to be honest I never expected her to ever like me, I thought she was out of my league and wouldn’t have any interest in me but I atleast wanted to be her friend so I invited her to hang out, to do stuff, to eat. 
On new years, we got messed up, I made out with her for a brief second because I won this ice hockey bet. My heart fluttered and I wanted more. I lucked out and we hung out after new years, I hadn’t gotten messed up in a long time and I was drunk and she was into doing drugs too so we ended up doing stuff, went back to my place and in the morning got it on.
That person ended up becoming more than just a friend, she became my world and its gonna sound clingy, needy but its true. we vibed on a whole different level, I started hanging out with her so much, we eventually ended up together.
I was dreaming about all the places we would hit up, the places, the memories we would make. simple things.
Now onto the depressing side.
I made a mistake in mid January that hurt her, and it ended up straining into an eventual breakup.
I just wish our communication was better and she could see that I was trying really hard just to support her, but I’m not going to lie, I’m a little immature, I let my wants get infront of her and I really didnt respect her wishes in the end.
She’s super super super super super mad, hates me to death now and I want to move on and say theirs plenty of fish in the sea or that I’ll get over her, but its really hard when u feel that you met someone that you could easily spend your life with.
She thinks that I took advantage of her, It’s really sad to see this because that’s the last thing on my mind. We ended up enabling each other and I didn’t make the more mature decision to tell her that we probably shouldn’t be doing this, but instead I went with it thinking it would save us, in the end it broke us farther than ever and if I could turn back time I would turn it back to the second week of January and never make that mistake.
You live and you learn,
I’m tired.
I’m depressed again.
 I haven’t eaten and drank more than a cup of water today.
I want to quit everything and just hide under a rock until this blows over. 
I hurt someone that means so much to me, and its really hard.
I haven’t stopped crying on the inside this morning.
I really wish we could communicate, fuck everyone else.
I hate that we both are asking other people for advice when we should just be talking with each other and listening to what our heart wants.
Nobody’s perfect, but I just happen to meet her when she’s already given up so much of her heart and that the fact that she put it up again for me because she believed in me and I tore it down really hurt her bad.
I just wish we could go back to the simple times.
I don’t think we’ll ever talk again but I don’t think I’ll ever forget her or stop loving her even if she hates me and thinks im the scum of the world.
I was thinking about getting this patience tattoo for the longest time, and I ended up getting it today and even that really fucked her up, I didn’t know she wanted to get this tattoo.
I got it because of so many things, because I always rush into things and I don’t trust the process, but I won’t lie. I got it today because I was so sad and I needed closure and a reminder for myself.
I hate myself, I’m too hard on myself because all I ever do is blame myself.
I wish she wasn’t so stubborn and she could see my side, and put some blame on herself and just fucking look at me like I have her best interest at heart.
No I didn’t have her best interest at heart and I should’ve played it cool but we’re only human and I love her.
she’s the most amazing person in the world to me, some don’t see it, other’s might think she’s crazy or a lot of work but shes worth the effort to me, any day of the week. i fucking wish the planet would just shrink to us. 
rant over.
thanks for listening tumblr.
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