#i decided to redo this cause i tried it a few weeks ago and i hated it

[theverakeller]

Fiancé Ned, cousin Braydon.

Top End Wedding (2019) - dir. Wayne Blair

[lavendermin]

if all stars fell at once (1) | xiao

pairing | xiao/reader

word count | 3k

genre | fluff, light angst, developing relationship, overall domestic

warning | eventual smut

The memory comes clear as the crystalline waters at the harbor. That day when rain poured mercilessly upon the land— the boy in a mask whose body trembled under an invisible burden. You remember the dark splotches on his body being washed away by downpour.

Blood.

Polearm supporting his body as it heaved, his face slowly turned to face you as an ominous dark mist accumulated around him. And when you blinked, it was as if he was never there; replaced by rain.

Whether it was the haze of sleepless nights getting to you or reality, you still had yet to know. Curiosity was fresh in your mind. His presence… though brief, held immense power and a tainted aura; enough to instill fear in the hearts of any who witnessed them. But you stood there, unwavering and eyes alight with awe and curiosity despite the rain that hailed mercilessly around you.

Weeks continued, and the image of the boy remained somewhere in your subconscious. Days came and went as your mind remained hazed, clouded with the fleeting memory.

The dark clouds overhead brought in strong winds; a sign of a storm rolling in. The laundry hanging outside would surely be swept away at this rate. Quick on your feet, you hurriedly pulled them off the clotheslines. Yet despite your efforts, a couple handkerchiefs you had embroidered were blown away by a harsh gust of wind.

“Ah…!” Despite your attempt, the wind plucked them out of reach. All you could do was helplessly watch as they were carried by devious winds further down the mountain.

Those were for… Ah, I guess I’ll have to redo those, you pondered anxiously. If they were all to be delivered in 3 days, you would have to stay up fairly late just to finish replacing them.

The candle light cracked and flickered as night crept over Liyue. No use stalling. With a sullen crack of your neck, you shut the windows and got to work. The relentless rain was your sole company as you worked through embroidering the replacements well into the night. Despite the nimbleness of experienced hands, numbness settled in after hours of working tirelessly to replace the delicately embroidered handkerchiefs. And with patterns and threads so intricate, they weren’t something you could rush.

The moon came and went that night, having accompanied you behind the storming clouds as it rained and ceased. Yet, late the next day when you returned from running errands, there upon your open windowsill were two neatly folded handkerchiefs safely held in place by a beautiful stone. You examined them— with no doubt, the ones that were swept away.

And as a breeze picked up once more, you didn’t dare look back but hoped the wind would carry your words to the deserving.

“Thank you.”

:

.

.

That was the first time in over a millennia that Xiao was thanked by a mortal for one of his many silent deeds.

———

Soft colors of fading blue and powdery orange iced the sky with the setting sun. You reminisced past memories fondly as you picked a few herbs from your personal garden. The day was slowly dwindling to a lethargic end, but the land ceased to fall into rest to savor most of what the day had to offer.

“Do you remember that, Adeptus Xiao?” you asked with a fond smile. It was met with silence for a moment before a voice spoke up from the roof of your house.

“So, you knew I was here. Mortals truly are something I cannot understand,” he clicked his tongue, shifting to get comfortable where he rested comfortably on your roof. “Or perhaps, it’s that our ties are too strong. Curious…” He pondered to himself, brows slightly furrowed as he contemplated.

With a stretch of your back you stood up, basket in hand. “I know my grandmother’s home is rather quiet here in Qingce Village, so I’ve noticed the roof has become a favorite spot of yours,” you observed with a small shrug he couldn’t see. “Call it a hunch.”

Though he wouldn’t admit it, Xiao knew your guess was right. With your home tucked furthest away at the top of the village, there were seldom any onlookers in the tranquil area. A perfect, stress-free corner for him to visit.

With a huff and trained grace, he hopped off the roof on playful winds and followed you indoors. There was still a cautious air about him but never the same as when you first met him all those months ago.

It seemed like you understood him more than he understood you sometimes, and it puzzled him to no end. Mortals were usually more predictable; working in routine and habits as he had seen of the many centuries that passed. Or… at least he thought. It was no secret that he found mortals to be indecipherable.

In the small kitchen, he was presented with an enticing dish that you laid out; his favorite, no doubt. “Here. I’m heading out to the harbor to run some last minute errands, but you’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like,” you reassured him with a smile. “Thank you for keeping me company today.”

At your genuine, radiant smile, Xiao couldn’t help but avert his gaze shyly. Truthfully, it always caught him off guard to be thanked for such trivial things that were somehow meaningful to you.

Before you reached the front door, Xiao called out after you. “If you are out late, summon me— call my name. I will guide you safely home.” With firm reassurance, he held your gaze under piercing amber. “Promise me this. Do not be reckless.”

There was no fighting the grin that lit up your face. “You worry for me, Adeptus?” you teasingly prodded, and placed a quick peck on his cheek. “How unexpectedly cute of you.”

At the gesture, his eyes widened for a fraction of a second before his composure returned. Pensively, he folded his arms across his chest, and you swore he could practically be pouting.

“The safety of Liyue is my duty as an adeptus. As a tool to be used, and nothing more.”

There was a brief sorrow reflected in your eyes, and before Xiao had a chance to address it, you were hurriedly giving your final goodbyes with your usual warm energy.

“I promise I’ll be safe.”

Left to himself, he accepted your gifted offering of almond tofu. I love the way your eyes practically sparkle when you take that first bite, you once teased.

The memory picked up the thrumming in his chest— uncertainty accompanied by rose-dusted cheeks.

With each delicate bite, his mind upheld more questions. The feelings that burst subtly in his chest— what were they? He searched his heart for answers to describe it. Peace of mind? Loneliness?

As many times as his mind decided to go through the same painful cycle of thoughts, ultimately he was left with more questions than when he started. There were no answers within him.

Such as the moon replaces the sun and the days dwindle into night, he too would let it be for now.

And as the sun slowly retreated more and more behind mountains and thin clouds, Xiao couldn’t help but wonder why he continued to keep near you. A tie foraged with a mortal that strangely did not instill the overwhelming need to leave.

Even the room he was in caused no discomfort or suffocation. The cycle started once again as he wondered, why? He often resided at Wangshu Inn, but never in a room. The rooftop high above any wandering souls was his claimed accommodation. The balcony just below that was seldom used by guests was the only other space he occupied there— eyes able to survey the land from a higher vantage point.

However, here in this small shelter you called home there was none of that, yet he stayed. Curiously, his eyes wandered the room to take in the oddities and trinkets that were used as decorum. The bookshelf across the room posed with great importance, and as he approached it he took in the vast collection of books and small items that decorated some empty sections.

Gloved fingers grazed over the elegant, gold-foil titles of some of the books. Some he has partially read before, or listened to you read aloud while he rested on your lap under the large tree outside.

He found himself plucking one out tentatively, flipping through some pages of a thick storybook with worn corners. Another book from the shelf— a thin book of floral poems and sonnets. His mind idly worked to put together what these books could possibly say about you.

After neatly putting another book away, a small glint caught his eyes. Toward the end of one of the shelf rows was a pile of three books with a precious stone sitting atop them.

Ah, the cor lapis stone he had used when he silently returned the two missing handkerchiefs to you many moons ago. An unknown feeling settled in his chest, warm & persistent. It flourished— euphoric, almost, and not too unpleasant. He wondered if it was somehow related to similar chest pains he’d dealt with. Could he really call it ‘pain’ if it wasn’t truly hurting him? The feeling was foreign and he was utterly clueless.

He moved the stone to check the book underneath, flipping through the pages curiously. Amber eyes indifferently skimmed through a page his finger landed on, curious to what contents the vague title held.

A romantic novel from the looks of it.

The words were needlessly descriptive, the dialogue a little confusing to understand. Such flowery language was a bit bold and the more he read, the more the imagery they tried to paint became vivid in his mind and—

Xiao quickly shut the book, his face warm as he neatly returned the book to its rightful place. Well, it was an interesting book to have in your possession, to say the least. He didn’t have much experience with what it described, but the erotic imagery the dialogue described still left his face a little flushed and brows furrowed as he huffed in indignance at his flustered state.

Mortals do such things? Well, he knew they did, but he was never one to look into it more since he had no reason to.

He had no experience in such intimate matters, nor did he pay much interest in them with his hands usually full on a daily basis. Yet, somehow the thought of you now caused a swirl of emotions inexperienced by him before. Or rather, if he did, he no longer remembered. New questions piled up in his mind.

He shook his head, practically wincing at the odd sensations that kicked him low in the gut as the heat rising high on his cheeks subsided.

“How bothersome,” Xiao muttered to himself with a sigh.

On that same train of thought, he glanced out the window. The sun was merely a whisper that remained as it tucked itself farther behind mountains and dipped below the horizon.

Gloved hands momentarily clenched by his sides, flexing to ease the small seed of doubt. Mortals were unpredictable and reckless, that much he was aware of. With a sigh he watched as the sky over Liyue settled into the tranquility of night.

Though night had fallen, there was still no sign of you returning.

And so, Xiao set off on his usual routine. Out he ventured to vanquish the scattered hotspots of evil activity that surfaced. Be it from subdued gods or his own karma, Xiao relentlessly made quick work of any and all evil.

It was his eternal duty, as bound by contract from the Geo Archon himself—this he knew. If anyone should have witnessed his swiftness as he worked solemnly, they would’ve noticed how he worked just a little harder to clear out any evil nearing your usual route home.

The moon rose high in the sky, a dusty blue as it cast soft light over Xiao’s masked form. His polearm jabbed into the ground and dissipated along with the yaksha mask he donned for battle. The roads that led back to Qingce Village were all cleared, yet still no sign of you.

Approaching the marsh under blue moonlight, his gloved hands created ripples in the calm surface. The reflection of his concerned eyes stared right back at him through the tumultuous ripples that distorted his reflection over playful waters.

Under the watchful eye of the moon, Xiao diligently washed away the impurities that remained on him from battle. Clear waters surrounding him became murky before clearing once again as the blood and grime was carried further down with the current. Xiao closed his eyes and allowed himself to bask under the moonlight, taking in the rare moment of tranquility.

And then it rang out, soft and clear like a wind chime dancing with the gentle breeze.

Adeptus Xiao.

Shrouded by darkness, he answered your summons. As the thin veil of dark entity surrounding him dispersed, he found himself next to a bridge. The waterfall behind him brought a refreshing breeze, and just beyond him he could see Bubu Pharmacy below as well as the harbor.

“You called,” Xiao inquired. “It’s fairly late.”

He wasn’t here to admonish you, though it sounded very much like it. With a playful grin, you smiled up at him from where you sat on the grass next to the bridge.

The way you carried yourself without a care in the world— it was almost endearing how you looked up at him with such fondness.

“Can I ask why you’re here of all places?”

Your nimble fingers continued their work on the flowers you had in your lap, and you almost looked away bashfully. “I wanted to gaze at the stars for a bit,” you admitted sheepishly. “I finished my errands earlier, but then I ran into Mister Zhongli from the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor and, well… The conversation went on for a while and we ended up here.”

Silently, Xiao took a seat next to you, eyeing the handful of glaze lilies that softly glowed on your lap.

“What did you talk about?” he inquired to fill the silence. He delicately twirled one of the glaze lilies between his gloved fingers.

“Oh… this and that,” you shrugged.

Xiao hummed in response, not wanting to pry into the conversation, until he felt the softness of petals brushing his forehead.

“Mister Zhongli… he showed me how to make this.” There was hesitation in your downcast eyes, and you peered up at him through your eyelashes. “Do you like it?”

“A crown of… glaze lilies,” Xiao noted slowly. Their soft fragrance was delicate and sweet, like the gentle presence of the moon. It reminded him of you. “I’m unfamiliar with mortal customs of exchanges. Is it an adeptal offering?”

You blinked, taken by surprise at the question before sputtering out in a fit of giggles.

“Oh– No, no! This is what we call a gift.”

Xiao furrowed his brows, taking in this vague description. “Hm… I see. What meaning does this gift have?”

You perched your chin on your finger, contemplating. The only ‘gifts’ adepti were familiar with were the offerings that few who went before them brought. Usually, an offering entailed the bargaining of a mortal’s wants and desires to come true. Selfish, wishes he was all too familiar with hearing often.

“Gifts are given to people you consider special,” you started. “To those people who are important to you, usually you put extra effort into the gift. Handmade gifts as well… embody special significance since they hold all the feelings poured into them to be given to your special person.”

The chirps of crickets and running water soothed over the momentary silence as he took in your explanation. Mortal customs were more emotionally driven than he once thought.

“I see. Then,” Xiao delicately tucked the glaze lily he held into your hair. “This is my small offering.”

The rose that dusted your cheeks as your grin lit up your features, it bloomed his chest with that foreign warmth. The weight of reciprocating the gesture without a second thought— he had just openly admitted to considering you a special person. It felt… right.

In the lateness of the cool night, you both sat side by side looking out at the display of glittering stars. He felt as your pulse would briefly quicken under his gloved hand whenever you stole a quick glance at him, and he would offer a gentle squeeze of reassurance in response. Curious, this human next to him— and yet he found himself enraptured by your simple presence.

Across the endless sky, you halted what you were idly chatting about as a speckle of light shot across the sky.

“A falling star… There’s rumors that making a wish on them will help it come true.” Xiao hummed in response, eyes closed in peaceful tranquility. “Hm…”

You pulled your knees closer to you as you contemplated your wish. Xiao watched you with one eye open, observing the way your features subtly scrunched up as you profoundly debated within you what your wish would be.

“So.”

“So?”

“What did you wish for?” Xiao asked quietly.

Mortal desires were usually the same. Wealth, power, lavish items— these wishes Xiao had heard of many times before. Yet—

“I wished…,” you scratched your cheek sheepishly. “I wished for a restful sleep.”

Your cheeks were quick to flush a deep crimson as you heard what sounded like a chuckle next to you. It dawned on you that you had never heard Xiao laugh until now. It was melodic, innocent.

“D-Don’t laugh!” you halfheartedly admonished with a playful huff. “Well, then— What’s your wish, Xiao?”

He pondered for a moment, closed his eyes and spoke soft as the flitting breeze.

“I wish to get to know you better.”

Perhaps he didn’t have all the right words at that moment, but he was bound to discover them sooner or later. Somehow, he was sure you would be the light that guided him the right way to go about these foreign feelings— feelings he was sure weren’t malignant, so he allowed them to persist.

These unsorted feelings for you... they weren’t getting in the way of anything. They were harmless, until proven otherwise.

[writingsfromhome]

Bad Timing I(.5)

A/N: This is the sort of backstory to Harry and you, I think it can be read on its own if you want, or before you read the first part too. It’s angsty af, but it has some death and sensitive topics jsyk. I tried to keep it concise but it got a little wordy as angst does. xx

Part 1

-------------------------------------------------

About 12 Years Ago:

“So are you coming to that party or not?” My roommate asks. She was one of the first people I’d met last year when we started uni and even though we came from different backgrounds we remained friends over the last year, even choosing to room together again. She got me to open up and find the extroverted part of me that was able to enjoy uni outside of academics.

“Ugh, I’m volunteering for the voting booths for the rest of the week. Maybe if I can make it?”

“You’re actually doing that?” She scrunches her nose. “I don’t get it. You’re just way too nerdy to be my friend.”

“And yet you loove me,” I squeeze her against me and she laughs. “It’s my mom, she said I had to do at least one extracurricular so I could meet friends this year.”

“You already have friends,” she points to herself, and with her came her group of friends that’d quickly taken me in last year.

And my mom doesn’t like that I hang out with you, I think. She thought we partied too much even though my grades stayed decent. “She wants me to have nerdy friends too, I dunno. They’re helping me pay my tuition until I get a job so I kinda have to play nice.”

“Parents suck,” my roommate flicks through her closet. I agreed, this was just something I would get through to get through. Then they would leave me alone for the rest of the year.

Little did I know the person they’d partner me with at my polling station was someone who would be in my life for the next decade.

“I’m Harry by the way,” he’d said after we received our orientation and assigned the building we were going to babysit the votes in. “Second year.”

“Me too! I’m Y/N. What’s your major? I’ve never seen you around.”

“Law--well I haven’t decided if it’s law but that’s what I’m in right now.”

“Really? Law?” I was openly judging, he just didn’t seem the law type.

“Well what are you in?” He demands.

“Business,” I cringe.

“Really? Business?” He has a cheeky smile on, one that would become familiar to me.

“Well, you just don’t seem like the law type. They’re usually more uptight, dress way too smart for me.”

“I know, it’s like, we’re not even in the courtroom yet,” he joins in and it makes me laugh--how he could poke fun at his own people. That’s when I knew we would get along fine, and I actually looked forward to the next few days getting to know him better.

“I’m definitely telling my mum about you, she’s been begging me to make friends outside of my circle. I’ll tell her I’m friends with a law student.”

“So we’re friends already?” We’d reached our booth and began setting up the partitions. He takes over when I set it up wrong.

“Obviously,” I say. “I actually like you which means you’ll have a hard time getting rid of me.”

“I’m alright with that,” he grins and I notice the laugh lines that are brought to life as he does. It somehow made him seem more genuinely.

We spend the rest of the time swapping stories, classes, rants. We check student IDs and hand out voting cards in between but it doesn’t feel like a drag anymore. At the end of the day, I invite him to the party my roommate was going to with our friends. If he was going, maybe I would too. He seemed like he might be fun at a party.

“Er,” he suddenly seems nervous. “I’ll have to ask my girlfriend, she wanted to hang out tonight.”

“Well bring her too!” I say excitedly. “Is she law as well?”

“No, she’s in the arts.”

“I like her already,” I push. “Bring her, my friends are fun you’ll learn how to have a good time.”

“I know how to have a good time,” there was the flash of his dimples again. “Text me the address.”

And thus began a friendship for the next four years, partying together, studying together (trying to), and hanging out in each other’s rooms. We would set each other up with other friends, double dated, went out for sunrise-hikes, and took long drives at night when we had to blow some steam off from being over-stressed, over-studied uni students. Our friend circles overlapped, the fabric of our lives eventually bleeding together. We were made of the same fibers, sticking together even after uni, when our friends got more serious about their careers. When they moved out of the country or to another city, we made sure to rent places close enough that we could still see each other often. And somehow, in the new chapter of our lives, without the partying and our other friends to buffer, we became closer than before.

We cared for each other--we didn’t deny that ever. And somehow that platonic love turned romantic as we depended on each other while we navigated adulthood. I can’t exactly pinpoint where things changed, but one evening our relationship was changed forever.

7 years ago:

“She literally wants me to stay until 7, and she was offended when I said no! I’m not even getting paid for that!” I was bitching to Harry about my shitty job.

“That’s bollocks” Harry shrugs. “Just say you’ve got family obligations or something.”

“I said that the one time she wanted us to come in on a weekend and she gave me shite work the following week! I just...I can’t afford to lose this job Harry.”

“That’s shitty, I’m sorry.” He takes the last swig of his beer. “Want another one?”

“I haven’t even finished this one,” I moan at my now warm beer that I’d been nursing for the last hour, too busy ranting to drink it. “It’s getting late though I should head home before it’s dark. Don’t want that nutter that hangs around my building to harass me again.”

“I’ll walk you home,” Harry suggests. He lived a 15 minute walk from me.

“No no,” I get up and take our dirty dishes to the sink. “I didn’t even ask about you, how was your day?”

“Same old,” he sighs against the counter. “I feel like I don’t fit in, everyone my age is finishing their law degree but I don’t think I want to.”

“I knew from the day I met you, you weren’t destined for the courtroom.” I pull him into a comforting hug. “Do what makes you happy, or what doesn’t make you want to say fuck it and quit your job to hibernate.”

“You really know the perfect thing to say,” Harry chuckles but he pulls me tighter against him. I stroke his back, reassuring him he’d be alright in the end.

“Y/N-” he pulls away to say something but freezes mid sentence. I raise an eyebrow but he’s still, staring at my face.

“Harry?” I ask, but he continues staring. “Hello? You alright?”

“Yeah,” he breaks into a sudden smile. That was weird--I make sure he’s okay before letting go.

Before I leave, I kiss Harry’s cheek goodbye--I was never shy in the affection I gave my friends and Harry’s bummed mood needed extra affection tonight. But what I don’t expect is for him to catch me before I pull away, staring intently into my eyes. The lighthearted energy between us disappears instantly as it dawns on me, how close we were, the unspoken feelings in his eyes, the hesitation before he presses his lips to mine.

I kissed him back then, barely understanding what was happening, before pulling away. I give him a smile but that’s just what he sees at the tip of the iceberg, underneath my mixed feelings churn away. My best friend just kissed me, and I wasn’t totally mad about it.

“It’s getting dark I-” I say as Harry says, “Sorry was that okay?”

We laugh awkwardly, neither of us sure what to do at this point. We decide to ignore it instead.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Harry lets me go and opens the door for me. “Watch out for the neighbourhood nutter yea?”

I stand in place, feeling the fibers of our friendship unraveling but feeling hopeless in mending the tear. “Take care Harry.”

I high tail it out, my thoughts going at an impossible rate as I sort out what happened. And we try to ignore it the next couple weeks,

We hadn’t made it official then, too nervous to face what this meant about our friendships. It was only at my sister’s wedding, that I realised what was wrong between us. I’d been mourning our old friendship, and avoiding him in the weeks since the kiss. But what I didn’t realise was that our friendship had been changing over the last year anyway, and getting drunk on champagne and dancing with Harry, while my sister celebrated the happiest day of her life, made me realise there was a cause for celebration here: a new chapter in our lives.

A couple days later, after a stressful day at work, I’d taken the tube to his flat and waited for him outside. He was surprised to see me there, not saying much except to open the door and let me in. As soon as he’d closed it, my lips were attached to his and we’d let our bags drop, coats, and any piece of clothing between us. After that night, we didn’t even try to deny how we felt about each other.

“I didn’t think I could ever be this happy,” he’s whispered to me after. I thought he’d fallen asleep but his whisper in the dark made me grin to myself. “Are you awake.”

“I am. Awake and happy.” I turn to face him, giggling. “Who knew this could feel so right.”

“Our first kiss was quite wrong though wasn’t it?” Harry says and it makes me laugh.

“That’s why I needed to do a redo,” I tease. “Can’t leave you to plan anything.”

“It wasn’t planned I swear, I was trying to be spontaneous.”

“Let’s not try ‘spontaneous’ again then,” I kiss him in the dark. He pulls me snug against him, I never knew how safe it felt. The safest I would ever feel, wrapped in the warmth with my best friend and now something else.

It was a good few months, testing the waters as our relationship underwent a transformation. All of our friends were supportive, but we never missed the glances between them. Apparently, they were waiting for this to happen. But as sweet as those first few months had been, finding out my mum was sick with a timeline was devastating. I came apart at the seams but Harry stayed through it all, holding me together. He’d proposed then, wanting my mum to be part of the ceremony. We had a small wedding, intimate but still magical. It was bittersweet, the amount of love and happiness I felt towards Harry and our loved ones around us as he said I do and as he took my arm and swept me across the dancefloor. But the amount of sadness crushing my chest kept me from being the weightless bride I always thought I would be.

Through it all, Harry stayed by my side. While we were hopeful, the day our hopes were dashed, the days and weeks I mourned. When my sister and her husband came to stay with their crazy toddlers and Harry kept them entertained giving my sister and I time together. I thought he was perfect, that I’d lucked out.

That lasted a few years, 3 and a half to be exact. There were months leading up to our split and we could point to a bunch of things that could’ve led to it. a) him wanting kids, and me wanting to wait or b) long hours we worked as we changed careers and tried to make our way up or c) how hard getting pregnant actually was. Maybe I pushed him away, or he didn’t love me enough to try and make it work.

I think I lied to myself, avoiding the tension creeping into the relationship. The tired excuses and time spent apart, the lack of usual affection, or casual conversations. I was an idiot, I realise every time I think about the end in retrospect. Maybe if I caught on earlier I could have fixed us before we fell apart. Maybe I could have saved us.

“There’s someone coming in Tuesday morning to fix the broken washer, will you be home?” I ask, still in bed and scrolling through my phone. I hadn’t meant to be up this early but Harry woke me as he got up and I couldn’t fall back asleep.

“No,” Harry responds, his back to me as he ruffles through the dresser. “I’ve got a thing that morning.”

“Well I’ve got to go in early Tuesday-I thought you might be home.” I say. I hear an edge to Harry’s voice but I try not to focus on it. He’d been a little cold all weekend and I was scared to think what it meant.

“You couldn’t be bothered to check in when you confirmed the date?” Harry asks harshly.

“I...guess not.” I put my phone down and wait for Harry to turn, maybe I could read his expression. Maybe he was stressed. “Harry?”

“What?” He turns, but he looks at me with no emotion. No stress, no frustration, not even anger. It’s the lack of emotion in his face that cause my eyes to prick with tears. Harry raises his eyebrows and I shake my head, untangling myself from the sheets so he doesn’t see any tears. I rush to the bathroom but forget to close the door out of habit.

“Y/N,” a kinder Harry appears by the doorway. His face has smoothed out the harsh lines, his eyes hesitant and cautious.

“What’s happened with us?” I blurt out. “Why are you so cold all the time? Am I doing something wrong?”

Harry’s face falls and he walks towards me but doesn’t touch me. “It’s nothing like that. It’s...I don’t know. We should talk.”

He reaches his hand out but I flinch away. “Did you meet somebody new or something? What are we talking about?”

“Let’s not do this here. Right now.”

“Why not!” I finally had enough. “I’ve been walking on eggshells for months Harry! I don’t know what’s wrong and I keep waiting for you to bloody tell me!”

“This isn’t working!” Harry raises his voice to compensate for mine. I’m immediately silenced by the volume, and then the words sink in.

“Is there someone else?” I ask.

He doesn’t answer, his gaze on the hanging vines by the window. My heart drops into my stomach like a boulder, and I find it hard to breathe. I clutch the porcelain sink and ask in a surprisingly even tone, “Harry. Answer me.”

“What we have, Y/N...it’s dysfunctional.” He says quietly, meeting my eyes. “It doesn’t matter if there’s someone else, we’ve been fighting for months. Things aren’t the same between us-”

“Who is she?” I ask. I needed to know.

“That’s not relevant,” he shuts my question down quickly. “I’m sorry Y/N, I...I don’t want to hurt you. I care about you, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t,” I’d pleaded. “We can go to counseling, talk it through-”

“I can’t Y/N.”

“Because of her.”

“No, because this isn’t good for either of us.” He’d walked up to me, cradled my face. “We’re not good for each other, not like this.”

“Who is she?” I yank his hands away.

“She’s...it doesn’t matter, I swear nothing happened between us Y/N. Knowing who she is isn’t going to help this situation--”

“It is! If it weren’t for her, you’d be willing to work on us--to see a future. You...Harry how could you do this to me? To us?” The tears come with no control. “You’re moving on before we’re even over. How are you giving up on us like that?”

“I’m not!” his voice booms in the tiled bathroom. “I’m not bloody giving up on us! I tried Y/N, so many times. I tried! You just keep pushing at me to be someone I’m not and-”

“I can say the same thing about you!” I throw the brush in my hands into the sink. “We were good! And you got it in your head you wanted a baby even though we’re young, oh my god Harry you kept pestering me to change my mind even though I told you I needed time!”

“It’s not like we could have a fucking baby anyway,” Harry says bitterly before realising what he’d said. “Shit-”

“There you go,” I mock. “I knew it. I knew you were holding that against me. And that,” I jab my finger into his chest. “Is what’s made you so moody, so mean and why we’re always fighting. You held it against me.”.

There was absolute truth to what I said. Last year, Harry had brought the baby topic up. I’d told him we were only in our mid-20s, we had a lot of time, and we still had a career to establish. But he would bring up the topic often enough that I’d given in.To make him happy. And months went by, trying for a baby. Went we finally went to our doctor, she’d told us why it was so hard, it could take us years she’d said.

Harry came home that day dejected, and left me feeling like a failure. I think it tore us up.

“You wanted a baby so fucking bad and when I couldn’t, it made me feel like a complete failure. And I told you that! And you did absolutely nothing to make me feel better. You held it against me, Harry! You didn’t even try to tell me it was okay.”

“It’s not so fucking simple,” he says, his cheeks flushed pink. Maybe it was anger, or maybe it was embarrassment from being confronted with an ugly truth.

“It is. And now you’ve upgraded to a newer model, maybe her version comes with a fertile womb.” I take the cheap shot.

He doesn’t say anything though. And I don’t know why that hurts more than knowing he’d fallen for another woman while he was still married to me. My best friend in the whole world had just broken my heart into a million irrevocable pieces.

“It’s a bunch of things Y/N,” he finally says. “That’s just part of it. We’re not...we’re just not working!”

“Did you even try to make it work?” I ask, swiping my sleeve across my face. “Did you ever think how I felt? How you made me feel Harry? You’ve been slipping away from me without talking to me-” I break off. I couldn’t speak through the heartbreak, the thunderstorm of grief threatens to consume me and my sobs are the only thing that manages to come out.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Harry tries to place a hand on my shoulder but I jerk away, moving to sit on the edge of the bathtub. “Y/N...”

“Just go,” I say through the tears.

“We can talk more about this later-”

"Just go,” I say louder.

Harry’s phone rings again from the bedroom and he sighs. But he leaves me, crying on the bathroom floor. The sadness that was always in my peripheral consumes me. I’d carried this sadness for a long time--ever since I found out my mum was sick, the sadness plagued me. I’d neatly packed it up once I decided to move forward with my life like my mum would want me to, but now it comes back tenfold, marrying the grief of losing Harry like this. And I stay on the floor crying my grief away for hours, eventually crawling into bed and sleeping the daylight away.

When I wake, it’s 6 and Harry isn’t home. I take that as a sign and get up to pack up a few things. I call my sister who still lived in London then, and crash on her couch, staying there for a few weeks and ignoring any call or text from Harry. When I need to go back, for my things, I find him sleeping on the couch with the TV on, something I always found endearing. But I can’t afford to dwell on how much it hurt seeing him like that.

He must have woken from the noise because when he finds me, he tries to stop me and tell me that we still needed to talk.

“About what?” I ask, just tired now. Too many tears shed and too many hours laying awake thinking about the exact moment we went wrong.

“Us,” Harry looked tired too. He was probably throwing himself into his work with nothing like me to hold him back, I think bitterly. His girlfriend had probably already been to our house--his house.

“What about us?” I barely look at him as I begin folding away all my clothes.

“I don’t know,” Harry sits on the bed. “Don’t you want to talk?”

“I’ve got nothing to say, do you?”

Harry sighs, “I don’t know.”

“Nice talk then,” I say, shoving the rest of my things in just so I could get out.

“I just want you to know I care about you Y/N, I don’t want to hurt you.” He says as I pack.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. If you cared about me, and you didn’t want to hurt me you wouldn’t have done this to us.”

“I wasn’t trying to--I didn’t mean to go and fall for someone else-”

“Just stop,” I cut him off. I couldn’t hear it, how the man I loved fell for someone else. I couldn’t break down here. Again.

He said he cared but it didn’t feel that way. It hurt more than I wished to admit. He knew what I’d been through and he still betrayed me, tossed my heart like it was replaceable. The cut he left in me ran deep.

As I leave he tries to talk to me, but I barrel past him. He still reaches for me and pulls me into a hug, I struggle against him but he’s too strong. He wraps me in his arms until I go still but it’s too much. A sob escapes me, and this time he lets me push him off and leave, my bag banging into my hips every time I take a step. As soon as I got into my Uber, I can’t stop crying. There was an infinite pool of tears where Harry was involved.

3 years ago:

My trust and my heart had been been lost in the war between Harry and I. It only took him a month to mail my divorce papers which sat collecting dust on my dining table until he showed up at work one day and demanded I sign them by the end of that week. I’d taken the day off the day I mailed those in, mourning the end of something that was once so safe and beautiful.

When a close friend calls me on a warm July afternoon, I don’t consider her warning that I shouldn’t check Instagram. That I still had Harry’s friends on my list. I open Instagram before she can tell me why, and see it. Harry was getting married, again. To the woman he gave up on us for. I try to zoom in on a picture without liking it, she was pretty...and blonde. She looked familiar--probably from his office. It didn’t take him long.

It was like someone had taken a retractor to the wound I thought had finally scabbed over. The physical proof that Harry had moved on is just the salt on the wound.

I cry myself to sleep that night.

2 Years ago;

The guy in front of me drones on about his job, mansplaining to me how a mortgage worked as if I wasn’t in finance myself. I excuse myself to use the restroom, checking my phone to see a text from my sister. She’d moved to Scotland this year, to where her husband was from, and I’d missed her terribly in the last year.

A little birdie told me your demon-ex just got divorced 🥂

I stare at the screen, chest feeling tight. I felt vindicated somehow, but I also felt a small bit of sadness. What a fuck-up.

Good for him I had texted back. A part of me wanted him to hurt the way he hurt me.

I went back to my date with a renewed enthusiasm. I’d ordered more wine and got so drunk he was actually interesting enough to take home.

About 1 year ago

“Y/N,” a voice from my past says, one that haunted me some nights. I turn as I exit the shop I was just in. I blink at the sight before me, Harry in a vest and hat. He realises what I’m staring at and laughs awkwardly. “I’m in uniform.”

“You’re...police?” I look up to his face finally. He hadn’t aged a day, although the hat he wears makes him look a little silly.

“Yeah I joined the force uhm...almost 4 years ago now...law didn’t really suit me.”

I know what he was doing, trying to find a baseline to have a conversation. But he was dead to me, and I didn’t want to invite him back in when I was finally forgetting about him.

"Seems like you dropped a lot of dead-weight four years ago.”

I watch his face fall as he realises I wasn’t going to pretend to be friendly.

“Seems that way to you,” he says cautiously. “But that’s not how it happened.”

I shrug. “So. I heard about the divorce. Must’ve been hard being put through that.”

I knew I was being petty, obviously I never got the closure I want (according to my therapist) and I wasn’t over him hurting me the way he did (also according to my therapist). This was how I got my peace, and it wasn’t the best version of me but it was the only one I knew how to be right now.

“Yep,” he crosses his arms over his chest. “So, are you seeing anyone?”

He knew I wasn’t, I don’t know how but the way he stoops to my level I know he knows I hadn’t had a long term relationship since him.

“Not at the moment,” I say awkwardly. “Just focusing on my job...trying to get this promotion.”

“Sorry,” he seems to shake off whatever had come over him. “That was...nosy, I shouldn’t have asked.”

Having him be the bigger person sets something off in me, like there was an anger-bomb inside my mind where he lived and knowing that he was doing okay enough to be able to be the bigger person disrupts this calm I was trying to keep.

“Maybe you shoudn’t have stopped me to ask anything at all. We don’t have anything to talk about anyway.”

I turn around and start to walk away but he catches up, “I wasn’t trying to upset you-”

“Well you have a way of doing that. Please just leave me alone Harry.”

He huffs beside me, “After all this time, can’t we just bloody talk like two adults?”

I freeze and turn to him slowly. He seems to sense this was the wrong thing to say because he takes a step back. “After all this time? Are you serious? I was the one you left behind Harry when you went off to lives your best lift Harry. We’re not living the same life, and we’re not coming from the same bloody place. Don’t fucking patronize me and ask me to talk to you like an adult when you bring out the worst part of me. I meant what I said: I want you to leave me alone. And you know what, if we ever run into each other again, just don’t even talk to me. Pretend you don’t know me. I want nothing to do with you.”

He opens his mouth but his partner calls him from the shop’s entrance. He stays silent, letting me go. As soon as I turn the street corner I rush the rest of the way to the tube, collapsing into a seat and trying to sort out my breathing. It was a shitty feeling, knowing someone was going to be in your life forever because you shared so much history that even when that part of your life ended they were still there. There was so much apart of me, around me, that reminded me of him. And it felt so lonely carrying that around. I wanted to be done with him, I wanted my heart to purge him out. But it couldn’t stop carrying him around everywhere I go.

[foreverydinger]

Graduation Flashbacks 2k21

Tony reminisces on graduations past while sitting in the ceremony.

Featuring: @tallulahrobinson @notmuchofatail @notbad-justsungthatway @oh-phineas @devyn-morey (lol)

Tony was in his stupid hat and gown again. It was the same one he’d had for years, only updating it when the school decided to change the style of cap and gown they’d want their students to wear. He glanced to the side, daring a look at his ex-boyfriend Haechan Roberts that he was assigned to sit beside. They had both been ignoring the other since being told that they would be sitting in alphabetical order. Tony had known it was coming, had known the moment he found out the other’s surname. This wasn’t his first rodeo, he’d done this sixty times before. Though Haechan reminded him of a few other R-named exes he’d been with many years ago.

“Promise you’ll write to me,” Tally had insisted when they’d discussed the breakup. Tony blinked at her, his heart aching as he realized what he’d have to do. He didn’t want to lie to her but what was one to do when the great and powerful Tallulah Robinson asked something of you?

“I promise, Tally. You go off and get your degree, see the world, send me postcards. I’ll be here, in Swynlake. It’s not like you’ll never see me again, your family’s here after all.” He chuckled through the pain, eyes beginning to water.

Sitting in the ceremony didn’t feel cold, instead they held hands side by side. Squeezing whenever something particularly emotional started to be said. ‘Goodbyes are hard,’ Tony thought as he stared not at the presenters but at her face. ‘She’ll be alright, though. She’s a force.’

“Congratulations, Class of 2010,” came the headmaster’s voice booming over the speakers. “You did it!”

As a roar rang out over the crowd Tony felt that same tingling, saw those same sparkles only he ever seemed to notice as the ceremony came to a conclusion. Despite his desire to hang on, to cling to Tallulah’s hand for dear life, he felt her grip slacken until she had completely dropped Tony. She had no reason to hold the hand of the boy beside her, she didn’t know him despite how small the school was.

She had places to be and a small town to forget.

The speakers were giving some emotional speech and Tony swiped at his eyes in frustration. Most people, if they saw him, might think he was just getting emotional about leaving Swynlake. The rumors had swirled around him about whether he was staying in the small town or leaving them for MIT. It was stupid, he regretted even posting the fake acceptance nowadays, but he supposed it wouldn’t matter shortly. He’d have to just fake a Pride U acceptance instead, as he usually did.

He looked around the expanse of graduates, spotting Phineas Flynn across the room. One of the few people whose relationships had transformed the most. Tony had barely considered the kid back when he had moved to their peculiar little town which had transformed drastically to incensed rage and been doused much like the flames he’d been spared from with, of all things, the power of music. Tony nearly rolled his eyes at the memory now if he ignored the very real damage that had been done to his person at the time.

The evolution of their friendship caused him to reminisce upon another relationship of his that had changed drastically since their first meeting: Gregory Eeyore.

He thought about Greg whom he had been texting constantly the past few days. They were best friends now, Greg had even believed Ian and Tony about the curse, even if the recollection of memories hadn’t been made possible unlike Ian. Honestly, the teenager wasn’t sure whether or not that was such a bad thing given their rocky past.

Tony scanned the sea of people who were all about to leave him behind. He spotted the likes of Devyn Morey—’Good for them, making it this far!’—before his eyes landed upon one Gregory Eeyore. It wasn’t as though Tony had been friends with Gregory by any stretch of the imagination. On the contrary, Tony was convinced that Greg hated him by association with his friends who had done little more than torment the quieter student.

Over the last few years Tony had dissuaded his friends from torturing their classmate, though the attempts were quieter than Tony knew he should have been and filled with the fear of being socially ejected. It seemed silly, sometimes, thinking about his fear of being rejected from a social group given he had a built-in redo in a way but recovering from that and climbing back up the social ladder even with the help of his curse’s bonus popularity air still took time and effort that he didn’t always want to do.

So Greg had suffered for it.

As Tony watched the other he made a silent wish—something that he should have stopped doing long ago after having his wish granted to never leave secondary—that Greg would find his niche out in the world now that secondary would be left behind him. Tony wanted nothing more than for Greg to find the peace he deserved.

“Congratulations, Class of 2017,” came the headmaster’s voice booming over the speakers. “You did it!”

As the announcement was made and caps were thrown into the air in celebration Tony felt that familiar tingle and sparkle surround him. He hoped that perhaps a part of that magical seal would grant this new wish.

Focusing on what friendships would prevail, Tony had to focus on the positives.

He would still have Pip, feisty and loyal Pip, to keep his feet on the ground and yet also keep him on his toes. There was never a dull moment in their friendship and he couldn’t wait for long nights with him listening to musicals or any of the other interests that the younger boy held to his chest.

Tony could hold onto the friendship he’d newly cultivated with Mim Ambrosius who was a brushfire. Chaotic and terrifying in the danger she could create while also being capable of cultivating a sort of refreshment on life much like the sorts of plants that had to burn to spread their seeds and flourish elsewhere.

He scanned the crowd to see if he could spot any particular faces turned toward himself. He caught a glimpse of someone’s profile for a moment and mistook them for the one and only Jessica Rabbit.

“We’re still friends,” Jessica whispered as she sat beside him.

“What?” He tore his eyes from the headmaster manning the ceremony to look her way. They had determined this when Jess had broken up with him a couple weeks prior, Tony had almost been relieved he wouldn’t have to break her heart. Jessica was of a rare breed; kind to a fault and sharp as a tack. Tony hadn’t wanted to live on in her heart as any form of regret.

“We’re still friends, Tony.”

“‘Course we are, Bun,” he teased, the old nickname slipping into the sentence without his permission. “‘Til the very end.” It wasn’t a lie at least, not really. He didn’t want to lie to her, not ever.

“If you’re not leaving Swynlake then—”

“Don’t worry about it, Jess,” Tony cut her off, not wanting to know where that sentence was going. “It doesn’t matter. We’ll figure it out.” Just because she was figuring it out without him didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to assuage her fears. He reached over to give her hand a short squeeze before returning it to his own lap.

They had been each other’s support system over this short time together. The long nights at work and the longer nights in his flat reading comic books while a record spun in the background. The hushed and reverent voices mingling in the dark as the two tired teens just allowed themselves to unwind from the pressures that threatened to break down their doors.

“Love you, Bun,” he admitted, glancing at her face for a fraction of a second. He tried not to seek what emotion was shining there before turning his attention back to the headmaster.

“Congratulations, Class of 2003,” came the headmaster’s voice booming over the speakers. “You did it!”

He’d see her again, just under different circumstances.

Ah, there were the tears once again and Tony chuckled at his sappy self. Haechan turned their face to raise a brow at him but he ignored their questioning expression. It would be alright, Tony told himself. He wasn’t alone, he was determined to believe it. He thought about Ian at home, the journals placed out upon the table ready to inform him of Tony’s existence once again. If it had worked once it had to work again... right?

When his row’s time came, Tony stood from his seat, walking across the stage as he always did. He knew every step, knew every creak in the stage floor that the attendant eyes of the crowd wouldn’t hear but still brought a bit of cringe to him so he avoided it easily. It wasn’t long, then, for when his name would be called. He walked across the stage, hearing a couple cheers for him despite the announcer saying not to cheer until the very end. No one ever listened to that announcement when their kid got called.

After being handed another diploma Tony thanked the headmaster as he always did and retreated back to his seat. This diploma was one of many and he just sighed as he realized it would go into that box beneath his bed like all of the others where it would collect dust unless—until—Tony and Ian broke the curse.

“Congratulations, Class of 2021,” came the headmaster’s voice booming over the speakers. This time breaking him of his reverie. “You did it!”

‘Maybe this time,’ Tony thought with a hint of optimism in his heart. ‘I don’t think that I’ve broken the curse, not by a long shot, but maybe... just maybe... I’ve actually managed to accomplish something. A family. A life.’

[youarejesting]

Love Listening

[MASTERLIST]

Beta: @tinysweetscrown​ Pairing: Taehyung x Reader, Reader x Yoongi Genre: Smut Warning: Auralism (sexual sounds), Masturbation, oral sex (m & f receiving), penetrative Sex, voyeurism. Words: 3.6k

You had been roommates for a few years now, really great ones so you thought. Taehyung was handsome, kind, and witty, a gentle guy who enjoyed some eccentric hobbies and rarely started beef. You liked him for sure but not romantically and any feelings you may have had didn’t take over your life. He always brought home different girls and you had your books and loud music to drown it all out. Other than that, the two of you lived in harmony, eating and talking trash together. 

Things between work and home had been going great. You felt like you were finally getting somewhere with your work. It took months to get this ahead in paperwork, that is until your boss surprised you with a document you had forgotten to include. Months of work you had to redo, because he didn’t give you all the required documents. Bitterly you remember asking for this form a week ago and being told he would send it over email, but obviously never did. Thankful for the completed worksheets in front of you, it made writing new ones easier. 

Before you could end your shift your boss asked you to stay a little longer, just to discuss how the edit was going. Explaining that you were halfway through, he lectured you about making sure to remember every document before beginning a task. His lecture went so long you glanced at the clock. You would have to race to the bus if you wanted to make it on the last trip of the night.

You were running down the street when the bus passed by, causing you to curse loudly. Taking out your mobile, you called for a taxi, paying the man and collecting your bags. You realized you had left your wallet in the cab and had to call them back. As you waited for the taxi outside the apartment building where you lived, it began raining. Seriously what was today? 

With your wallet returned, you entered the rooftop apartment. You never understood why these apartments always were the setting for so many K-dramas. You had gotten into a discussion with your good friend Seokjin; both agreeing that the rooftop was the worst due to the heat. So the rain was your saving grace. Fighting the keys in the lock, you were quick to shed your bag on the hook by the front door. 

Stepping into the apartment. It was a modern style, everything open directly from the front door was the living room, behind the couch was the dining table and behind that the kitchen. On the other side of the living room was a hall that led to the bedrooms and bathroom. It was cozy. You really enjoyed living in the small home. 

Even if at night the pipes in the ceiling rattled ominously, or that you didn’t have a proper laundry and as it was just a washing machine in the cupboard by the dining table. But there were so many good memories within the apartment, like the couch you and Taehyung had carried half way across town and broke to get it to fit through the front door. Or the hole in the wall where you both had decided to roller skate in doors and he fell through the drywall.

Yes, you were fond of all the little cracks in the tiles and all the chips in the paint as they were memories that you loved and shared with your best friend and roommate. The very same roommate you had walked in on getting dressed up in the living room. He was buttoning up a dress shirt, when he noticed you across the room.

“Okay, how do I look?” he said, while you hopped out of your shoes and coat, which you put away neatly in their rightful places. 

“What’s the goal for the night?” Eyes sliding up and down his form. 

“To get some,” he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Then you look good” you threw him two thumbs up. You walked to the washing machine, which was hidden inside a cupboard in your small apartment and began stripping from your drenched work uniform, standing there in only your bra and underwear. 

You were both comfortable with each other, but this was no rom-com. You were pretty sure if he liked you, he wouldn’t fart in your room at night and run away laughing. Taehyung noticed your appearance with a laugh. “An umbrella,” he said with his finger in the air as if he had had a profound idea before running off to find one.

With the washing machine set you wondered what you would do in the house by yourself tonight, you walked down the hallway towards your room. Pressing the bedroom door open you were met with a strange sight. There was water all over your bed and dripping onto the floor “TAE! What did you do?”

“What? I didn’t do anything” He stepped in inspecting your room and his mouth fell open. “Oh no”

The rain you had praised earlier was another omen of bad luck. There must be a leak, and a big one at that, in your roof and it completely soaked the bed. Taehyung was quick to call the landlord, who said they would send someone to inspect it the next day. 

Did you do something wrong in this life or a past life, why did you deserve this? You pushed your bed aside and placed a large bucket under the drippage, pacing and nervously looking around at all your treasured items. Taehyung loosened his tie, sending a text to his current fling that he was unavailable.

"Hey shh, it's okay listen, we are Bro's I have extra space in my room. I will make room and we can move your bed and any valuables in case something happens." You spent the evening moving everything, you couldn’t believe he canceled his evening with his latest girl,Alana. She was really pretty. 

"Sorry about your girl?"

"It's all good, she can’t resist me” he gave a cheeky box grin.

Dinner and movies helped you forget about the disasters in your life. You both laid in Taehyung’s bed while your mattress was upright in the corner of the room, drying. 

The digital cloak on Taehyung’s bedside table began to blur, the soft blue LED numbers ticking over. You were in a haze like sleep, when you heard heavy breathing and whispering. A woman’s voice talking quietly seemed to really pull you from your sleep state. Taehyung was face timing Alana. 

You tried to ignore it, but their hushed whispers became muffle giggles. You heard the blankets move slowly and cautiously. Taehyung shushing Alana while she purposefully tried to exaggerate her sounds. The out of breath words, became soft moans accompanied by the slow movements against the blankets that gently bounced the mattress. There was a sticky wet sound that you knew was his hand pumping around his shaft.

How you wanted to look. Each new sound sent a volt of electricity through your body. The dirty talk increased.

“You are such a little slut,” Taehyung growled. “You couldn’t even wait, one night”

“I want to come so bad,” Alana’s sickly sweet voice spoke through the phone and you wanted nothing more than to throw the phone. “I want to see”

“Fuck, I wish I was there right now, I would sink this thick cock so deep baby” He moved the blankets aside and the sounds were clearer almost deafeningly loud. How did he not know you were awake. “God I want to fill you up”

His hand moved faster, sounds of air pushing past his lips like he was trying to muffle it with tight lips, but it was too powerful to prevent. He came. His voice was a low growl, you could practically feel it in your own throat, it was so raw. 

His cry broke mid climax and his hips bucked into his closed fist. The imagery and sounds had you soaking through your panties, you tried lying as still as possible to not let Taehyung know, you heard it all your heartbeat strumming mercilessly against your clit. 

He leaned over the bed shuffling around.

“I gotta go and clean up” Taehyung sounded a little frustrated. He was panting, whispering a quiet thank you as he said goodbye to Alana.

“Fuck, I didn’t think I was going to cum so fast, it’s okay Tae it’s only for a few days until the roof is fixed” Taehyung leant over the side of the bed rummaging around before readjusted the blankets with a deep sigh and falling promptly to sleep. 

His soft rhythmic snores attesting to his workout. You however were not so lucky, unable to fall back asleep. Feeling guilty and ashamed for listening. You felt like a creep, but he must have known the risk by doing something like this in the same room, in the same bed. 

With Taehyung fast asleep, you shamefully took care of your business, you remembered the sounds and his groans. Recalling them made you desperate, the girl he was on the phone with praised him for how big he was, so you did your best to add a finger more than you usually did, biting your pillow trying to stay quiet. 

The next day you moved about the house, heading to work and forgetting all about what had happened. Work was slow and tedious and by the time it was all over, you were completely exhausted. Hoseok the most energetic and on some occasions the most annoying co-worker you had the pleasure of working with smiled in your direction. Practically skipping over to chat your ear off which usually made you feel better, but you weren’t feeling good at all. The thought of your room slowly flooding and your things being destroyed really put a damper on your work ethic.

You had plans to box everything up and perhaps have it sent to storage while the repairs were underway. Tae had contacted you saying that the maintenance guy came and they had to repair the roof and the ceiling. He also said that he had put your mattress in the sun to dry and would bring it in, when it was dry or before nightfall. This gave you some hope things could get better, putting a little more effort into your work. You would finish it all today you decided, even if you had to stay all night.

Walking inside the apartment you stripped out of your uniform as always and threw them into the washing machine. Stopping yourself from entering your bedroom, you walked into Taehyung’s room, not thinking anything of it. You froze at the sight. Taehyung lay naked, his head back and eyes closed while Alana took care of him. You could see he indeed was  big, bigger than you had thought, and much bigger than your own finger the other night. Sneakily crawling across the room while the two were busy in their activities, you grabbed your over sized sweater and yoga pants before turning to crawl out of the room,trying not to startle or disturb them. 

Turning to exit you paused momentarily in the middle of the room, when you finally gave in to your urges and took a peek. Taehyung had a firm grasp on Alana’s head and was thrusting hard, You could hear Alana gagging at the sheer size of him. The sucking sound squelching as he fucked her throat, as it tried to close around him, rejecting him. What a waste, he should at least be with someone who could take him, you thought. Clearly not you, you weren't any better yourself. 

You escaped, but the images you witnessed had lit a spark between your hips. You headed out, leaving the apartment, deciding it was almost too dangerous to stay. Also it was kind of frustrating and weird to just sit in the living room and listen to the two enjoying themselves. A mix of respecting their privacy and the growing urgency of her own sexual frustration.

Yoongi’s apartment was nice. He was a music producer and worked with many of the latest artists. He was a friend, whom you had a history with, and you were sort of banking on the fact that because of  said ‘history’,he might help you out. 

Knocking on the door, you waited patiently. Min Yoongi wasn’t the type to rush. He answered tiredly and thoroughly confused to see you. "Hey what's up?" 

"Yoongi I need to ask you a favor”

"Okay," he allowed you in with a swing of his arm, stepping back to allow you inside. You barely made it past the threshold before you asked him.

"Remember that time we both got drunk at  Jin’s New Years’ party?"

"Uh, the time we agreed would be better if we didn't talk about?" he eyed you curiously.

"Look I still don't want to talk about it, but did you hate it?"

"No, you sucked my dick why would I hate that?"

"Can I do it again?"

He stared in shock, a little concerned as to why you were really here. "Why?"

"Look I am pent up, and I need a dick in my mouth and I trust  that we can do this and it means nothing at all, you won't call me up to ask me how I am feeling and it won't be awkward. So would you be interested in a free BJ?"

"I mean I don't feel like it, you know? I'm not really in the mood," he shuffled, running his hands through his hair. 

"Oh okay, that's fine then" You nodded and went back to the entryway ready to put on your shoes and leave. Yoongi grabbed your arm, not looking at you, but leading you further inside his apartment.

"Hey woah, I didn't say I wouldn't help. You are frustrated and I don't need it, but I would be more than happy to help you."

You looked at him and he patted the dining room table, "Sit up here, you caught me at a good time. I am hungry," he licked his lip. Carding his fingers through your hair, brushing it off your neck and inhaling the sweet smell of your skin. His dexterous fingers sliding to the front of your jeans as he whispered dirty things into your ear.

“What do you want me to do?” he said, palming and massaging your thighs slowly. You moaned, grabbing his hand and dragging it closer to your core. He retracted his hand back quickly “Use your fucking words or you will get nothing, I don’t want to play” He was set in his ways. Yoongi never messed around nor was he someone for anything implied. He was a man who liked things to be direct and clear. So of course he wanted the same thing when it came to your consent.

“Can you?” you blushed “Eat me out?”

“You want me to taste this pretty pussy baby, I want to thank you for the New Years party,” Yoongi popped the button of your jeans grabbing the tiny slider on your zip between his thumb and forefinger. He not only pulled the slider down the teeth of the zip, he also pressed his knuckles into your skin grinding down against your clothed heat. 

He pushed you to lean back on the table and ripped the denim from your hips and followed with your underwear. He watched you shiver from the cold air and pulled up a seat at the head off the table, his gaze strong. He didn’t bother taking off your sweater as he didn’t feel it necessary. Self-conscious you pulled your knees together and he slapped the curve of your hip in a warning causing you to let your knees fall open again.

“Now I can see how pretty you are glistening in the light, you still want this?” at your verbal confirmation he scooted his chair forward wrapping his arms under your thighs and around to hold them apart. Without hesitation, he dived straight in and your body locked up at the sudden pleasure. It was intense and everything you needed, his pants and growls sounded like he was purring as he pressed his hot mouth against you. 

You loved every minute of it; the way his tongue seemed to move so uniquely and so fast. The way his long thin fingers plunged inside you and curled up, hitting something deep within you that had your hips twitching in response. You were so lost in the feeling and you weren't being quiet. He pulled away panting, resting his cheek against your thigh as he grinning up at you. 

"You taste so sweet" Yoongi breathed, you were shaking and in absolute bliss, something about him devouring you with such gusto made it so much better. After his quick breather, he returned to his task as if it was his civic duty to bring you pleasure. No one had ever been so excited to eat you out. You were so close, your eyes scrunching closed and toes curling. Fantasies of Taehyung playing out in your head, had you releasing the strongest orgasm you had ever experienced.

You came, body tensing in waves and he continued not lowering the pressure until you were completely spent. "I'm not going to lie. I am ready now if you want to continue" Yoongi offered you more. Breathless, your mouth moved saying yes as you nodded, but barely any sound came out. 

He moved you to the couch, casually strolling off to grab a condom from the nearby junk draw. Returning he lowered his sweat pants to his knees and pumped his long length, rolling the thin layer of latex over the head and down to the base. Yoongi’s cock was pretty. He turned to you, and gestured for you to sit on his lap. Yoongi was good at sex, but it just couldn't compare to his expertise in oral pleasure. You remembered Taehyung’s size and frowned. Yoongi had the length but not quite the girth. His voice was deep too, but the tone was off. 

With all your thoughts and imagination on Taehyung, you spurred yourself on, getting closer and closer until you came tightly around Yoongi. Once he was finished he pulled out almost instantly making you feel empty once more. With a content sigh, he gently rolled you off of his lap to lay down on the couch. Tying off the condom, he lifted his sweatpants back into place and moved to the kitchen to dispose of the used contraceptive. "Do you want a drink?"

You nodded your voice too dry from the activities and he sent you a quick smirk.

"Hey, are you two done?" Jimin's voice called from the front door, he was standing in the entrance way, which was blocked off by a divider wall. 

"Oh sorry, Jimin" You pulled your pants back on. Jimin looked between you and raised an eyebrow. 

"So when did you two become a thing?” 

"We aren't, we are bro's and I just needed some help"

"Oh okay," you noticed Jimin's tight pants and you frowned looking at Yoongi, who was looking soft as hell with a gummy grin "I got another round left in me, Jimin come here" the boy beamed and you thanked Yoongi, leaving to give the two men some privacy. 

When you returned it was quiet in the apartment, Alana must have left. You had just started making dinner, receiving a call from Jimin "Hey sorry about walking in on you guys this afternoon. I hope I haven't made things awkward. You don't seem the type to do casual, at least that's not how Tae describes you."

"I am allowed to get horny sometimes, it's not a crime is it?"

"No, you sounded really sexy though, and I was a little jealous that I didn't get to join in." You saw Taehyung had exited his bedroom and was quietly ordering dinner on a phone app and you told Jimin you should go. “Next time if you are horny, you can come to my house.”

“Alright bud, I have to go, but I will keep that in mind.”

"Hey, you came home late?" Taehyung said after waiting for your conversation to end.

"I went to see Yoongi," You added the seasoning to your ramyeon, hoping to finally get a chance to eat.

"Ah his Snap chat makes sense then"

"Why?"

"He is boasting about tongue technology on Snap chat"

"Oh yeah" your voice broke still hoarse from overuse and Tae laughed. 

"Good for you, I was worried you would never get some, my friend, you look happier."

"Thanks, man" This wasn’t what you wanted to hear, but what can you say. Moving through the room to the dining table to eat your dinner, processing your recent actions, which also took place atop a dining table. 

That night you didn’t hear any nightly activities, which meant you fell into a deep sleep. You woke up the next morning and dressed groaning, “Ah my back hurts table oral isn’t very comfortable.” Taehyung coughed into his cereal, he knew you and Yoongi were doing things but you forgot he didn’t know what you two had done specifically but you ignored him. The two of you finished your breakfast before placing your bowls into the kitchen sink and going your separate ways to work.

Work was stressful. You were trying your best and even stayed later than usual. When you arrived home the house was empty, taking the opportunity to follow your usual routine, and even getting to settle into your bed early. 

Woken by the sound of the front door unlocking, the small digital clock on the nightstand read ‘2AM’ in big digital figures. There were giggles, Taehyung and Alana entered the room clearly drunk and shushing each other loudly. 

“We have to be quiet”

“What if she wakes up?”

“It’s okay we are cool, she was doing the same thing just the other day with a friend of mine.”

You heard him unbuckle his trousers, the button popping followed by the zip. Your hearing seemed to enhance each sound bringing a new sensation through your body. The fabric being shed from his body and the accompanied growl, when Alana took him in his mouth. He pulled her off pretty quickly and pumped himself in his hand groaning. It was too dark to see anything but their basic silhouettes in the faint glow of a wall charger. 

You saw him spread her legs wide, the bed moved with a small sound and you heard him groan as he settled between her legs. Her higher sounding whine pissed you off, was it because it sounded fake or because you were jealous. It was making you mad, but you were distracted by his timbre words of encouragement.  

“Oh you feel so fucking good, oh yes so tight,” he paused and pulled back and flipped her over, making sure to bury himself entirely in her once more. You squirmed laying on your stomach trying to mimic the pose she was in. He must have forgotten of your presence or didn’t seem to care, because he slapped her ass hard and continued praising her the whole time. Your imagination went wild and you could almost feel the slap against your skin even though you knew it was all in your head. Finger working quickly, desperate to find your own release. 

This was different, your orgasm was building stronger than you had ever felt before.You didn’t even have enough warning to catch a small whimper of his name. It left your mouth before you could muffle the rest in your pillow, trying to stay completely still even though your body was shaking. You cursed yourself and tried to get some sleep as they continued seemingly unaffected. 

Making your escape early in the mourning, you arrived at the office trying to drown out the thoughts in your head. As always it worked, you were easily distracted. Hoseok was on his day off, so you couldn’t even talk with him about regular office gossip. On the journey home, the thoughts came back quickly, your distraction no more. You stepped through the front door of your apartment and saw the boys all sitting around the lounge room, the place covered in snacks. 

“Hey, you are home” Jimin grinned, leading you to sit down, which wasn't your routine but you were drained physically and mentally.

“Jimin was telling us about the action you and Yoongi had the other day” Seokjin laughed as your eyes flew open and Jimin dropped his head apologizing for letting it slip.

“It’s okay Jimin we are adults and I went to him for help.”

“Yeah but what if something goes wrong, pick some other random guy to get your fix, we don’t need drama within the group” Taehyung scoffed, picking at the hem of his shirt aggressively. What was his problem? Did he think you were going to start a fight amongst your friends, you were adults and knew how to keep things pretty civil. Neither you nor Yoongi had any feelings towards one another.

“Well if you ever need it, we are all willing to help” Namjoon smiled.

“You just want your dick wet” you scoffed standing and walking into your room to get changed. 

“Hey, I won’t say no to that,” Seokjin grinned; Namjoon’s face was slightly pink. 

You all had a great time talking and drinking and after a shower, you went to bed cuddling in your blankets. Returning from his shower Taehyung asked. “Hey, are you awake?” 

Contemplating whether to respond you decided you should “Yeah what’s up?”

“I was wondering um about last night?”

“You must have come home pretty late I didn’t even hear you?”

“You said my name” he stated and you blinked shocked

“I say your name all the time, what do you mean?”

“You were awake last night and you said my name” he breathed noticing how tense you were and how weird you sounded.

“I don’t remember you coming home, were you talking, maybe I heard your voice and responded automatically, I had a weird dream though, that you were running away from a murderer or something and you were hurt.”

He sighed softly, not wanting to push you, even if he had been madly in love with you this whole time. He could wait, no matter how long it took. He had waited a few years now so he was in it for the long run.

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[tarithenurse]

Stolen - 23

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson &/x fem!gifted!reader Content: A roller coaster of emotions and feels. A/N: So my psychiatrist recommended/ordered for me to take 2 weeks of sick leave because I’m a stressed out mess...that’s not going to stop me from writing, of course. Au contraire, without work I’ll have more time for that! Ask or reblog for tag ;)

23. Misery Machine

...   Reader   ...

What the ever-living FUCK? The bubble of happiness bursts, the pop loud in your mind but blown away by the cold storm raging before you in the shape of a raven-haired god with the colour of blood in his eyes. Memories of faces smiling during the feast come and go in a blur and leave you none the wiser as to what Loki’s problem is.

“Uh...yeah? It was okay,” you try carefully, “think I’m getting closer to Sif and the trio to accept me.”

“You don’t say?” Sarcasm is probably the default state for the god, you decide there and then. “Practically crawling onto their laps.”

Staring dumbfounded at him, each snarled accusation is a whiplash driving you closer to desperation as up and down cease to make any sense. Unsure whether to laugh, cry, or scream back at him, you just stand stock still. Loki, on the other hand, has taken to stalking around the room as he denounces the Asgardian ways – feasts, pretend friendships, nothing goes free – before ultimately turning to you again on an unseen wave of icy coldness radiating from the bluing skin.

“I’m surprised you didn’t have my dear brother rescue you,” he hisses, “or went with Fandral for comfort...he’d be more than willing to oblige.”

“Wait...what?”

Oh yeah, the fallen prince’s eyes are swallowed by red, leaving only a pinprick of black from the pupil. “You heard me.”

Sure did, smurf. “This’s ‘bout them? Are you...? D’you think I’m desperate enough to dick it down with Fandral or have Thor sweep me away like I’m some maiden in distress?”

Now you’re the one getting into his personal space. Though you’re far from as imposing compared to a god with ruby eyes and frosty skin, his raven hair cascading to his shoulders in ways fit for an anime character, you still manage to push him back a few steps before he digs his heels in.

“Tell me honestly, the idea doesn’t tempt you, mortal?”

“Hell yeah, it tempts me! But, y’know what? I can’t! If I go back home to hide and some day Thanos shows up...how’d you think that’d make me feel? Or if you take your dumb-ass on some quest to find the fucker only to get killed? No, that ain’t happening ‘cause I’ma stick through with this. That’s what this mortal’ll do: do things right.”

You can barely see him because tears (which you refuse to let fall) are blurring your vision. By some miracle, you manage to find the door and march down the dim hallway without bashing face first into something but by the time you turn the first corner, your cheeks are wet.

GAAARGH! He’s such an...an...UGH! Haven’t you already proven yourself? Sure, he might just see you as a mortal, as he keeps pointing out, but how many mortals does he know that would’ve been able to handle the mess he’s thrown at you? Admittedly, it might be your self-diagnosed Stockholm Syndrome speaking when you feel you deserve more respect from Loki. Not that he has to “like me” like me...just...

Wiping salt water and probably snot from your face, you look around for somewhere to be alone with your thoughts and spot a double door which could lead to a balcony or terrace only to find it blocked by a blond figure.

“Lady [Y/N]?” You’ve only spoken with Thor once, but no one else has a voice like that, a voice you don’t want to hear right now. “Please, tell me what troubles you.”

Why bother? It’s so easy to follow along as he cups your elbow with one of the huge hands and escorts you onto what does indeed turn out to be a balcony.

Any other person would gasp at the view of the golden-roofed city below, stretching towards the ocean and the infinity of space just beyond. You, a sarcastic thought jeers in your mind, you’re busy sniffling and holding back tears because of some silly spat – and there’s no way you can tell that truth to the man beside you.

“I know...I’m a stranger to you and you have no reason to trust me with your worries,” Thor begins softly, “yet I do feel responsible for your fate. Your chance of happiness. What my brother di-”

“Enough!” The exclamation startles him, blue eyes reconsidering the woman before him. Oops. “I’m...I’m sorry, your highness,” you try to recover while your heart beats in your ears. “Forgive me. You have no obligations on my behalf, your brother’s actions are not yours to atone for.”

The dazzling smile is pretty even if it’s barely hiding a pain beneath. “Kind words, but clearly it torments you.”

“No.” Oh, that’s actually true. “No, what pains me is what I’ve learned since. Thor...you’ve been to Earth. You’ve seen us humans...and you know we’re hopelessly unprepared for what’s to come!”

“Even if Loki would be foolish enough to attack once more, Midgard is not defenceless. You know this.”

The Avengers. Thor had stopped Loki and his Chitauri (as you later found out the aliens were called) invasion. It hadn’t exactly been pretty which is something a lot of politicians are still pointing out – or were before you suddenly found yourself at the mercy of the guy who’d plotted the attack. It feels like years ago.

“Not...” How can I say this right? “Not Loki. Thor, please believe me, he’s not the real problem.”

“Any threat at all...your realm is under my protection.” At least his brows have the decency to furrow, almost hiding the pristine blue.

“He came for the Tesseract...but he already had a Scepter with magical abilities. Where did he get that? Who helped him – or who did he help?”

Obviously, the older brother isn’t as dimwitted as Loki claims because you can see tiny lights go on and off as he connects some of the dots – eyes gazing through your skull and into a different infinity than the one beyond the borders of Asgard and finding the murky areas where there isn’t enough information to illuminate the unknown.

When the crown prince does focus on you, a new worry tightens the muscles of his jaw. “If the Tesseract was all he wanted, why not leave?”

“Who wanted the Tesseract, really? And was that all?”

“Then why the invasion? A smoke screen?”

You shrug (even if it’s hard with Thor’s heavy hands resting on your shoulders) because what else can you do? And silence falls again as each option and its implications are weighed carefully.

“What makes you certain of this?”

Loki might be the God of Lies, Mischief, and whatnot...but looking up into his brother’s face there’s no way he wouldn’t sniff out the smallest inkling of deceit.

“I don’t know anything for sure,” you sigh, “I was...shown some bits and pieces. Been trying to make sense of it.”

“A vision.”

Weeeeell... “If that’s what you’d call it. I’m just scared of what might happen.”

Later, you’d think back of it as a pretty decent hug, but in the moment you are more concerned with continuously breathing as Thor pulls you into a crushing embrace.

“Get some rest, little one,” he smiles tiredly after pulling back, “you have my word I’ll look into this matter.”

... Loki   ...

He hears her return to the suite, mainly due to the subdued curses as she struggles to undress. Then the few candles he had left alight are snuffed before [Y/N] settles into bed with a sigh. The single candle in the servant’s tiny room creates sharp borders between shadows and illuminated areas unless Loki exhales particularly hard. I’m not sighing.

Since the woman had stormed out of the quarters, the Jotun has tried to calm himself down and ignore the screaming in his marrow as guilt eats through the bones. Eventually, he succumbed and went to bed only to lie and stare up into the ceiling. A thin blade slips between his fingers in repeated somersaults until he grabs the knife by the handle only to redo the whole thing.

Counting his breaths, he reaches well into the hundreds before daring to step into the suite. The slanted moonbeams illuminate patches on the floor and bed, glistening on the silken covers shaped like a woman. He does his best to ignore it, he really does. Moving silently, Loki picks up the scattered layers of the dress to straighten them out and hang them on the other side of the screen. In the cold light, it is difficult to ascertain the colour of the fabric but he remembers it clearly from when he saw her across the room during the feast where he had been expected to assist – a task perfectly suited to get him closer to the servant and listen to their gossip, of course. He has to shake himself from the tainted memories before continuing the silent duties.

Once, not too long ago, these were details he didn’t bother with. The work of lowly servants, there was no need for a prince to worry about picking up after himself unless he chose to, and while Loki was (and is) meticulous he had certainly never expected to be the one doing this for others. Beneath me! Grumbling within, he still lingers to let the delicate ribbon from [Y/N]’s hair slither between his fingers.

It’s a welcome diversion to imagine how it would be to untie the bow and set her locks free. Or to be the one slipping the straps of the dress off her shoulders and watch it hang on for dear life by her bosom. To gently tug at it, bearing the nipples for me to admire. He can see it in his mind. What Loki doesn’t notice are the eyes watching him.

[scribbling-stiks]

AAR - I - Cleaning Up

'Hospital gowns,' Russia decides, 'are not comfortable.'

'America's lap was warm and comfortable though.'

The sun had begun to set, and the surroundings begin to grow dark. America had grown quiet, and Russia assumes he's asleep. But as the car grows dark, Russia notices something a little strange. A light blue glow surrounds him. It's faint. Very faint. He hadn't even noticed it until the sky was full of stars. Russia tries to ignore the fear building in his chest at the appearance of the moon. The glow is gentle, calming, and it makes his skin feel tingly and warm, as warm as it could feel.

'What is that? It looks like America's magic. But America's asleep.'

Russia raises his arm as high as he could, only a few centimeters, and drops it. No one looks. He tries again, and Texas spins around, with an anxious look he tries to hide lighting up his face.

Russia meets his eyes, and Texas relaxes. Then Texas scans over him with a strange look.

"What in tarnation? New Mex, look at Russia," Texas says, grabbing New Mexico by the shoulder.

"What?" New Mexico asks, turning around in her seat.

"Oh," New Mexico mutters, "Dad's magic?"

"I don't know. Could you turn Dixie off of mute?" Texas says, announcing the question to the front seat.

"Sure thing TexMex," Arizona replies.

"Don't call me that," Texas mutters.

"Hey, Dix. I got a question," Texas announces.

There is a short pause before anyone received an answer.

"Does it got something to do with them weird dogs in the trees?"

"No, it's about- wait, DOGS?!"

"Yeah. Listen, y'all shouldn't look, they ain't right."

Texas begins looking around, but Finland moves to block the window. Texas scowls but returns his gaze to Russia. His face softens seeing his father.

"Can Dad use his magic when he's sleepin'?" Texas asks, his eyes focused on Russia's arm.

"Wait, what do mean?" Canada's voice filters through the phone.

"Him and Russia are glowin'. Kinda. It just looks like Dad's using some healing magic or something," Texas explains.

"Dad still has magic to use?" Massachusetts asks.

"Yeah. I'm thinkin' it's cuz Dad is finally getting some sleep," New Mexico comments.

"He's sleeping?" Dixie asks incredulously.

"He's been sleeping for the past several hours. Why?" Finland responds, sounding confused.

"Dad just doesn't sleep much," Kansas explains.

Finland hums but doesn't say anything else.

"Well, that's good. Really good," Canada says, "he'll probably be feeling better as soon as he wakes up."

"What do you mean? How much does his healing magic help? I know countries heal faster than humans, and states," Finland adds as an afterthought, "but he was stabbed."

"He's stubborn," Dixie says, "he won't be able to lift anything, but he'll probably be up and moving around once he wakes up."

"He'll totally call the shower once we stop and get settled in," Arizona says with a laugh.

Dixie chuckles.

"Y'all think he'll insist that he's the once to clean up Russia too?" Texas asks.

Russia feels his mind freeze and embarrassment halts his thoughts.

'I... what?!? Clean...? Like a CHILD?!'

He feels the remains of his pride shrivel and closes his eyes. He can't force himself to meet anyone's eyes. If he could manage, he would have covered his face. He had already felt so flustered needing help with the bathroom, and now.

'This is so much worse.'

But he knew he couldn't really decline, as he couldn't speak. And he tried to slow down his heart rate.

'America doesn't know,' he thinks, trying to defend the sliver of dignity he could keep, 'he doesn't have to know.'

"What? What's going on?" America slurs with sleep.

'Oh no.'

"Oh! Hi Dad," Texas says with a nervous undertone, "how're you feeling?"

"Hey, Tiktac. I'm okay. How're you doing? You sound a little off."

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm just... nervous. Ya know, waiting to get attacked an all."

"Waiting to get attacked?!" New York shrieks.

"Yeah. It's what happened when we drove through the early morning when we first went through the mountains," Massachusetts explains, his voice sounds muffled through the speakers.

"Colorado!" New York yells.

"On a side note," Arizona loudly interjects, "Dad, how is your back feeling?"

"It's feeling a lot better. Still kinda hurts, but I'll manage."

"Yay! Could you get yourself all washed up?"

"Of course."

"And-"

'Please don't say anything.'

"Could you get Russia washed up too? The rest of us don't feel comfortable doing it. You know, with him being your boyfriend and all."

"I... probably. I wouldn't be able to carry him in there, but if you guys could get him into the bathroom, I can take it from there."

'Oh no.'

Russia knows that he hadn't been cleaned. Not really. He also remembers how Louisiana had New Mexico check for new infections where the IV was just a few hours ago.

'Was that even really a hospital?'

Thinking about it, he concludes that maybe it was, but the people there had other plans. And no training, if California was to be believed.

"Well, can all of you calm your t***s?"New Jersey asks.

"Well, I don't have those, soo," Kansas replies with a smirk.

"Shut the f*** up." New Jersey snaps.

"Anyway, we're about to pull up to the hotel, but whatever the f*** is following us is still pretty close," Massachusetts remarks.

"Sippi and I will go out and protect all y'all while y'all are goin' inside," Alabama volunteers.

"Y'all are NOT goin' by yourselves," Dixie says.

"I'm goin' with 'em," Texas says.

"Me too," New Mexico volunteers.

The car fills with the calls of other states and a few provinces who agreed to go armed to walk the rest of the group inside.

Finland picks Russia up easily, and Russia just feels happy that he's still wrapped up in blankets. The states who weren't watching the shadows were throwing suitcases out of the backs of cars and trucks as fast as they could.

Someone tosses Texas his hat, who hoots wildly with a grin.

"H*** YEAH!" Texas cheers.

Tennessee elbows him harshly, and Texas calms down slightly. Russia internally chuckles.

"You need to get cleaned up," Finland mutters. But her tone is less angered than Russia would expect.

America hobbles into the hotel room's bathroom, and the water tuns on. Finland stands by the door while Kansas, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas settle into one of the beds and the pull-out couch.

Then America pokes his face out of the door.

"You can bring him in here," America says.

Russia closes his eyes in embarrassment.

"Just put him in. We aren't keeping the hospital gown anyway." America says.

Russia sees Finland shrug and he's put into the tub with his back leaned against the side and is blasted with water. He flinches, expecting it to be freezing. He sits there for a moment, his eyes scrunched shut, until his mind registers that the water was warm.

He relaxes slightly.

"Hey, you didn't expect me to blast you with cold water, right?" America asks with a chuckle.

Russia can't meet his eyes.

America sighs, then props Russia up a little further and unties the knot of the gown on the back of his neck.

"Hey, I get it. I honestly kept checking it cuz every time I looked, it looked like it would be freezing and I didn't wanna risk you getting cold," America says, gently removing the gown.

Russia feels exposed and very embarrassed. America seems to ignore the awkwardness of the situation that drowns Russia's rational thinking.

'The only time I wanted you to see me like this is when I could take your clothes off.'

These thoughts did NOT help his already flustered mental state.

America gets back to his feet and grabs some things off the counter.

Russia still couldn't believe that America had to wash him like a small child. He feels mortified but finds a silver lining in the fact that America was the only one doing this.

"Okay," America starts gently, "I'm gonna start at your legs and go up, okay?"

Russia tries his best to nod, and America takes the affirmation as permission to start.

Most of the sensation in his legs is still numb, but America is still gentle. Gently washing out whatever had been ignored for the nurses, though the more Russia thinks about it, the more he doubts that any of those nurses were nurses at all.

He remembered how California had ranted on the car ride through the group call, loud enough to wake him up, about how she had to fix the butchered surgery with New York, and how America only survived because he was a country with how botched it was. How the 'surgical team' left two scalpels and a pair of scissors in the crooked sutures. How nothing was lined up or healing correctly. How Louisiana was the only thing that kept back any infection.

How they had fixed it. How it was a huge emergency and how New York and California had to hurriedly research and redo surgery in secret due to their, not unfounded, suspicions.

How the only reason they stayed was for Russia because they weren't sure if they could move him. How they rushed out so fast because they had wanted to leave for almost a week.

He couldn't help but feel touched that they stayed for him, but his stomach churned at how badly it had gone for America.

'No one in that building had any medical training.'

The realization hits him like a brick to the chest.

Seething fury. The thoughts have him wishing he could move, if only to strangle the 'doctor's who did that and caused more suffering to both America and his children. He takes a deep breath and tries to return his focus to America.

'I can't lash out. Not now. Not at America.'

America had made it up to his chest. Russia hadn't even realized he had been lifted up or that the backs of his legs or lower back had been attended to.

'That might be for the best.'

He knows, had it been possible, his face would have turned beet red.

America gets to his hands and holds them before rinsing them off.

Russia notices how the smell that had clung to him since the dead animals incident began to actually fade. The air was clearing.

"Okay Ruski," America mutters, "you gotta close your eyes, okay?"

Russia complies.

Russia finds himself relaxing, as much as he could, as America tenderly rubs away the grim from his face. It seems to take a few tries to get the dried slime off his cheek.

Gentle, caloused hands begin scrubbing out his hair.

"It's been so long since I've seen your hair actually white," America says with an audible smile. Russia smiles back as well he can.

Russia tries to pay all his attention to the gentle actions. He feels so fuzzy. So loved. So cared for.

America dumps some water over his face, and he holds his breath.

He basks in the affection. Sure, this is still a situation that mortified him to no end, because of his lack of autonomy, but decides, since he can't do anything to stop it, to try to ignore it as best he could.

Eventually, he's dried off and clothed, his hair fluffed up by the towel.

America giggles and kisses him on the forehead.

"Your hair looks so cute," America says between muffled laughter.

Finland carries him out and dumps him onto the bed. America closed the bathroom door behind them and cleans himself off before stumbling back out. With New Mexico and Kansas' help, America makes it onto the bed.

America crawls across it and cuddles into Russia's side. Kansas laughs and helps adjust the blankets to be lying on top of them. America wraps himself up tightly and begins stroking Russia's clothes with an arm poking out of the bundle he had buried himself in.

'He's adorable.'

America shifts around and pulls Russia to his chest. America buries his face into Russia's hair. America breaths in and sighs. He nuzzles Russia's hair.

"It's nice, you know? You smell nice again," America mumbles into his hair. Russia feels a little flustered, but content.

"Y'all are sweet," Texas coos. Russia feels his heart swell at the implied approval. America hums, and falls asleep against Russia.

"I'll keep watch," Finland volunteers. She sits in the uncomfortable hotel chair, facing the hotel door. Russia drifts off, feeling warm and loved.

~

Next

Previous

Table of Contents

[purplesurveys]

1044

survey by a7xbabii 

Do you use e-mail often? I use it for eight hours, five days a week for work, so yes.

Do you hear any animals right now? I’m in a Starbucks inside a mall situated in the middle of a busy highway. It would be very unlikely to hear any animals right now.

Are you in a well-lit room? Sure, I’d say this establishment has good lighting. There’s no light directly above me unlike the other seats, but it’s okay in this case as I don’t want other people seeing me take surveys.

Is your trashcan full? The main one we use at home just got full, so the last time I checked this morning my mom was airing it out.

What was the last crunchy thing you consumed? My chicken barbecue sandwich from last night.

Did you view anything disturbing today? Hmm, I guess so? I wanted to entirely redo one part of my embroidery piece since I wasn’t happy with how I did it, so I had to remove the threads and stuff. When they were all gone the template was filled with holes and it looked like one of those trypophobia photos. I’m not personally disturbed by that phenomenon, but I know a lot of people are.

Are there any holiday decorations in your house? Yeah, we’ve had our Christmas tree up since the beginning of November. We also usually put a wreath up our door but idk why my mom didn’t this year.

When was the last time you had a terrible headache? Last night, because I had not eaten all day. 

Have you recently put lotion on your hands? No. I don’t like the feeling of lotion, so I don’t apply it on me a lot, if at all.

Are you hungry? Not so much, actually. I don’t feel too hungry today; I didn’t even finish my breakfast and that’s the only meal I’ve had so far today, and it’s already 4 PM.

Is it rainy where you're at right now? No, it’s quite fair. The sun’s not too strong anymore because of the time, but it’s still very much bright out.

Do you carry a purse? If so, describe what it looks like. I take a wallet with me. It’s pink, made of fake leather, has three main slots inside, and it also has some tiny bite marks on the outer edges from when Cooper was a lot younger.

Is your cell phone on vibrate? For certain notifications only, like texts and Viber.

Is your dishwasher full? We don’t use a dishwasher.

When is the last time you saw someone you like/love. Around a week and a half ago.

Do you like to wear gloves? No, I find them too itchy and I don’t need to wear them anyway.

Is there a body of water near where you live? There’s a creek that passes through my village near the clubhouse area, if that counts.

What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? No opinion. I never listened to them; though I am reminded of this one mutual I used to have on Tumblr/Twitter. She used to be a wrestling fan and was a part of our main circle, but she gradually shifted her main fandom to Avenged Sevenfold. By the time she cemented her new interest she then went on a huge unfollowing spree of wrestling fans on her feed and she apparently PM’d each person she intended to unfollow, including me. I remember her explaining that she was now in a different fandom and was gonna have to stop following me which I found...kinda extra to be honest lmao because nobody does that, but I appreciate the effort to approach each one of us, I guess.

Are you wearing anything pink right now? Nope, but my wallet is pink and so is my keyboard cover.

Do you like to swim in the ocean? I prefer beaches, but sure.

What is the creepiest bug you've ever saw? Cockroaches.

Do you currently have split ends? I don’t think so.

When is the last time you used the bathroom? Around five hours ago when I took a shower before heading out.

Do you chew on your lip? Almost never.

Are you afraid of needles? For the most part yeah, especially syringes. I’m not afraid of them when I do my embroidery, but that’s the only time I feel comfortable with a needle.

What is the last thing you lost? A pen, I think.

When is the last time you saw a bald person? Five hours ago, when I said bye to my dad.

What car were you last in? [continued from two days ago] My own. I was driving home from the mall.

Do you like Batman? I tried to get into Batman and the whole shebang of comic books when I was a teenager, but I just couldn’t.

Have you ever played tennis? Never have, actually. I’ve always wanted to try.

Can you see a star shape in the room you are in? Probably not in my bedroom.

What are you sitting on? A pillow I’ve placed on my work chair so that it’s more comfortable. My parents got me a basic chair initially meant just for my internship, so it’s not the comfiest of chairs haha. But now that I have a job, a more suitable work chair is probably one of things I’ll have to invest on.

What is the last warm thing you touched? My chest felt itchy just a few seconds ago, so I was able to feel my skin scratching it.

Do you use hand sanitizer? That’s kind of a necessity now, so...

Where do you want to go in life? [continued from...I don’t even remember anymore] I don’t know if I even plan to make it past 30 at this point. I can’t answer this right now.

Are you sweating? No, I’ve been in air-conditioned rooms all day and it feels so damn good.

When is the last time you had to scratch an itch? A few minutes ago when my neck itched.

Are you in any kind of club or group that is trying to save animals? No, but I very much support the cause.

Who is the last blonde you saw? At work today I saw someone who had her hair dyed blonde.

Where were you two hours after you got up, and what were you doing there? I needed to go to the office today because my team and I needed to pack some stuff to seed to certain media. It was the first time I got to visit the place and it was sooooooo homey and pretty :) I wish we can be allowed to work in the office soon; it would be best for my mental health at this point.

Do you wish for world peace? Um, of course.

Have you ever played fetch with a dog? We were able to teach Cooper how to pick up items that we throw but he’s still slowly learning that he actually has to give it back to us, haha.

What is the nearest object that is wood? The table I am typing on is made of wood.

Do you use Netflix? Yes, we have a family subscription.

Does your house have a fireplace? No, we don’t. And I can confidently tell you all other houses in this entire country, and probably the whole of Southeast Asia, don’t.

Do you wake yourself up in the morning, or does someone else? I wake myself up. On important days, I’ll put an alarm on.

What kind of hoodie did you last wear? It was a white hoodie with a UP seal on the left side.

Do you play games on your computer? No, my laptop isn’t equipped for games. I tried downloading Sims 4 when they made it free for a few weeks back in 2018, but my laptop’s fan started whirring like crazy and the battery got drained super fast. The entire period of me booting it up and then deleting it took like, a literal 15 minutes.

What is the last video game that you played? Mario Kart 8 on the Switch. I want to get myself Switch games as gifts, but I’m just so stingy towards myself hahaha.

Have you ever pet a stingray? I’m 50% would like to at least once and 50% I know of what it did to Steve Irwin, and I’m not messing with them.

If you were on vacation, would you ever go to Ireland? It’s not a big item on my bucket list, honestly. I’d love to go to Ireland, but it would probably be a part of a bigger itinerary, like if I decided to take a trip to that part of Europe.

Are you logged into Myspace right now? I haven’t been on there for more than a decade.

Did you have anything bad happen to you today? Yeah, but they’re stuff that happened at work that are a little hard to explain. 

Have you ever been to New York? Nope. I’d love to take a trip there.

Do you use the term "lol" if you don't have anything to say? Not really. I use it in the end of my messages more so that I don’t sound mean.

Should you be sleeping right now instead of taking this survey? Hell no. It’s a Friday night so the last thing I want to be doing is sleeping.

Can you truly say you hate anyone? I don’t think so. I greatly dislike my brother, but I guess I don’t hate him. I find it too strong a word.

Have you ever disected a baby pig in a class at school? Not a piglet, no. We dissected an earthworm, a fish, and eventually a frog.

What brand of dish liquid do you use? A local brand you wouldn’t recognize.

When is the last time you ate a Hershey Kiss? It’s probably been more than a year. It’s not my favorite candy.

Do you ever feel unappreciated? Yes.

Do you currently have any blemishes on your face? No. My pimple finally went away, hallelujah.

Who is the last baby you held? My cousin who is now 13 years old. I’m too anxious to hold babies; I always feel like I’d drop them so I find myself declining even when I have the chance to hold one.

Are you a lover? I guess.

Do you use smileys often in text convos? Yes. Not a lot of people like them but it’s better to sound friendly and approachable than stoic.

Do you have the Google toolbar on your computer? Like...Chrome? I have the program, yeah. It’s my default browser as well.

Do you like Sunkist? I’ve never had it.

Would you ever consider being a cannibal? I mean...I guess only if I was in a life-and-death situation, like if a plane I was in crashed on an island and I was starting to get hungry. I certainly don’t fantasize about cannibalism on any regular day.

Did you forget something important in the past week? I made a few mistakes at work due to me forgetting things, yeah.

Do you like learning new things? Sure.

What color is your toothpaste? White.

Are the floors in your house creaky? Nopes. I don’t think our doors are creaky-level just yet as well.

Do you fear death? I hate the uncertainty of what happens while it’s taking place, and what happens after. But I’ve been wishing for it for a while as well. There’s a difference.

Is your mouth dry? Not right now, no.

Do yoou have any scars from an animal? Yeah I’ve got a few marks and scratches from Cooper. I never run out of them, really.

Did you have fun with this survey? It was okay.

Was it random enough? Sure.

[kaibutsushidousha]

Cat, Ghost, and Revolution Sunday (Sagrada Reset 1) - Chapter 1: Starting on Sunday (part 2)

[INDEX]

Upon hearing the sound of the opening door, Asai Kei checked the café's clock. 9:55. Exactly 5 minutes before the agreed time.

Kei stood up, looking at the entrance. Haruki also stood up from the seat next to his. A girl with red glasses entered through the door.

She looked around the café with a serious expression and walked toward Kei.

"Hello. Are you Murase?"

She raised her eyebrow a little in response to the question but quickly nodded.

(Her expression is stiff. Not sure if she's wary of us or just nervous. I should soften up my smile.)

"Nice to meet you. My name is Asai Kei. And she is Haruki Misora."

After hearing that, the girl, Murase Youka, tried to smile. Her expression didn't get any less stiff, but at least she managed to lift the corners of her lips. On the other hand, her eyes were glaring intensely from behind the lenses. Kei paused for a second to think about the meaning of her gaze but decided he shouldn't be getting attached to first impressions. He focused on his own smile.

She spoke, intentionally trying to contain her voice.

"Hello. My name is Murase Youka. Tsushima told me a lot about you two."

Tsushima Shintarou was a teacher in Kei's school, Ashiharabashi High School. He was also a member of the Management Bureau. Every school in the city had a teacher like him. Just like how every school has a teacher licensed to operate the infirmary. They need to be prepared since ability-related incidents can happen in schools.

Kei and Haruki went to meet Murase by Tsushima's orders. However, all he told them about her was her name and age. He clearly remembered that she is one year older than them. From that, he could assume she was a high schooler, but he had no idea which school she attended.

Murase whispered fast.

"Sorry, I'm not used to this kind of thing."

Kei responded with a smile.

"Neither we are, honestly."

It's very rare for them to learn about their tasks from anyone other than Tsushima.

"Let's sit down before we talk", said Kei. He had stood up without much thought because he felt it would be in bad taste to greet someone from his chair, but he didn't know when was the best time to sit down again.

The waiter came to take their orders and Murase just uttered the word "coffee". Kei added ice cream to his order.

After the waiter left, Murase spoke in a quiet voice.

"Asai, you're a high schooler, right?"

"Yes. I'm a freshman."

"Why are you working for the Bureau?"

Kei reacted to the question with an ambiguous smile.

"Because I'm part of a club dedicated to helping their operations."

"The Service Club."

"Yes."

The Ashiharabashi High School Service Club. Every school in Sakurada has a Service Club and they are all supervised by the teacher from the Bureau.

The Bureau monitors people with special abilities. Technically, every ability is special, but the Bureau's tight surveillance is dedicated especially to the potentially dangerous abilities.

Joining a Service Club was one way to soften that surveillance, even if not by much. The teacher responsible for it gives them jobs according to their abilities and demands detailed reports of how they handled their missions. By filling a report form, the club members would be exempt from a few necessary steps of the regular management, gaining a certain degree of freedom.

"Not the nicest name, don't you agree?", said Murase.

"What name?"

"Service Club, what else?"

"Oh, of course. I'm quite fond of it, actually."

Kei's answer cut the conversation short. Murase didn't know what to say next. After a while, Kei asked:

"Could you explain what's happening? What do you want us to do?"

"He didn't explain anything?"

Her voice was strong, with small hints of annoyance. "Tsushima didn't tell you anything about my request?", she corrected herself in a much calmer tone.

(She's not very used to talking to strangers, isn't she?)

He had received a very simple explanation about his task.

"He told us we'll search for a lost cat. But that felt a bit off since he should have people better equipped to handle this job."

"He said you two were experts in finding things."

(Only if you lost it recently, I guess.)

"When did your cat disappear?"

"About one week ago."

(That's too late. What a shame, this would have gone without a hitch if you had lost it precisely 3 days ago.)

Murase softly closed her eyes and continued with a dark expression.

"But I'm not exactly looking for the cat. I found it last morning. I found it on a neighboring roadside."

"Then what are we supposed to do?"

"When I found the cat, it was already cold."

(I don't like the way she worded this. "Already cold.")

"Was it a car accident?"

"Yes."

Kei got the gist of his mission. He also understood why Tsushima phrased it as a "search for a cat".

He moved his eyes back to Murase, seeing she was also looking at him. The same glare as always. He noticed her eyes had been like this ever since she sat down. Her overall face changed to express her emotions, but her eyes were fixed, always facing forward. Never lowered, never raised. Those were eyes that could never find a rainbow.

Murase spoke in a firm tone.

"I hired you to revive a dead cat."

That was a very difficult request. As far as Kei could tell, no one in Sakurada had the ability to revive the dead, be it a human or a cat. That said, it's still true that Kei and Haruki were a good pick for this job.

"Got it."

"Can you do it?"

"Revive it? No. But we can undo his its death."

"Really?"

Murase didn't smile. She didn't look relieved. Kei confirmed her pressing glare was still daring him to do it.

Kei answered her question with another question.

"Why do you want to save the cat?"

"I just want my cat back. Is there any problem with that?"

"No, that's a perfectly valid reason."

He never planned to reject Tsushima's request.

He turned to Haruki, who was sitting next to him. She was playing with the black cat keychain attached to her phone, showing no signs of interest in Murase's story. It was always like this. Kei was in charge of all the conversations.

He held back on this urge to sigh. He turned back to Murase and tried his best to look serious.

"Do you have the resolve to kill three days worth of the world for this cat?"

There's no point in asking this question. Kei only did it to feel clever. After all, she would lose her memories of this conversation very soon.

Murase raised her eyebrow.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Today, yesterday, and the day before might be undone to save your cat. Do you have the resolve to force every person in the world to redo the past three days one more time?"

Murase paused to think for a while. The waiter brought the coffee and the ice cream while she did.

After waiting for the waiter to walk away, Murase gave a short answer.

"I do."

Kei ate a spoonful of ice cream.

"Then please tells us about your cat."

She told the cat was originally a street cat, until Murase Youka adopted it about half a year ago. It was a kitten at the time, but it quickly grew up. It was a crossbreed male. Its name was Calico.

Murase had a photo of the cat on her phone. Kei asked for her contact information so she could send him the photo. A soot gray cat with a crooked tail was eating under the shade of a street lamp. The cat didn't look too amiable, but Kei thought that only made it cuter. He died yesterday, ran over by a car in a commercial district. She found its body around 9:15 in front of a bakery.

After giving all the basic information, she thanked them in advance and stood up. She walked away, leaving behind the hot coffee cup she only touched once.

"What are we going to do?", asked Haruki.

Kei answered while trying to get a spoon of his mostly melted ice cream.

"We'll save the cat, of course. It's an official job, and I like cats, too. I can't find any reason to refuse."

If everything went right, the cat would be brought back to life, the girl who only looked forward would be happy, and the Ashiharabashi High Service Club's reputation would improve, potentially leading to a rise in their budget. A Service Club's budget was close to a part-time salary. They could use it for pretty much anything they wanted, as long as they remembered to get a receipt.

Haruki waited for him to finish enjoying his ice cream before she talked.

"But didn't this request feel any strange to you?"

"What part of it was weird?"

"First off, the goal of the mission. The Bureau wouldn't get involved unless the cat was killed by an ability, would they?"

"You're completely right."

The Management Bureau acts exclusively on problems caused by abilities. Things would easily get out of hand if they got involved in every problem that ever happened.

"Second, the request happened too soon after the accident."

"Yeah. I agree."

It was still mid-afternoon of the previous day when Tsushima gave them the order to meet Murase. According to her, the accident happened on the same day's morning. That would mean she contacted the Bureau, got her case approved, and transferred to Tsushima in merely a couple of hours. This was unnaturally fast.

"And considering this, what are we going to do?", Haruki asked again.

"We'll save the cat, of course.", Kei answered again. He didn't repeat his reasons why.

(This might not be an official job. It's quite possible that Murase simply asked Tsushima for help without even trying to contact the Bureau. If she's a student in Ashiharabashi, it'd make sense for her to know Tsushima. It's not like I know the names of every student there. If that was a private request to Tsushima, the inconsistencies Haruki pointed out start making sense. The timing sounds reasonable assuming the Bureau was never involved. Honestly, this whole story has many more curious points to it. That said, no one can know everything about something before trying it. Besides, I really like this job. "Save a cat's life". Really nice stuff there.)

Haruki gave a quick nod. It was a movement without emotion. And then, she said:

"Then, let's go to the festival tonight."

Suddenly changing topics used to be one of Kei's bad habits, but now it fully belongs to Haruki.

"What festival?"

(It is festival season, now that I think about it. We have festivals almost all over July, and then summer vacations start. That's how summer goes in Sakurada.)

"Sure. I'm free tonight, I think."

(That should be all for today, regarding this job. The complicated day will be yesterday, when the cat will die.)

Haruki had an innocent smile.

"Then let's hurry and save the cat."

"No, we need information first."

(The time limit is last morning. The cat will already have suffered the accident by 9:15. From my point of view, this moment will come in two days from today. I want to find him before that happens.)

Haruki tilted her head.

"We're asking Sakuin?"

"No, let's go with Unknown Caller today. The case might blow out of proportion if we rely on Sakuin."

After swallowing the last bit of ice cream, Kei stood up.

[zodiyack]

Catching Feelings - Part One

IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE PROLOGUE, YOU CAN READ IT HERE!

Masterlist | Stranger Things Masterlist

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x reader

Warnings: Swearing (it’s Billy, what did you expect), Billy being a flirty little shit

Note: Thank you all so much! I’m glad you liked the trailer and prologue! Sadly, I had written them months ago on quotev, getting stuck on the first chapter after they were published. I tried my best so I hope you like it! (Full note at the end)

I might end up redoing this at some point in the future. Feedback appreciated!

Y/n walked into the highschool building, inhaling her first breath of air at the Hawkins school. It was all new to her, the rules, people, food, even the air. Now that she thought of it.. it was making her want to ship herself in a box back home and wait there until her parents came back. It was too new and she didn’t like it. Of course, she loved being with her uncle and cousin, but she hardly knew Jane. Was she just supposed to pretend she knew what she liked and get along just fine?

Family aside, y/n was thinking about other things, such as the parties that the other teens held here. Were they different from the one’s back home? She didn’t know yet, but she was excited to find out. She was also excited to get her infamous party rep known in the new place. Y/n smiled, remembering all her drunken moments with b/f/n. The reflective nostalgia taking over her mind before she could realize it.

“Excuse me.” Her comforting thoughts left her head when she bumped into another girl. Y/n’s eyes scanning the person in front of her before responding. 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine.. I’m Nancy, Nancy Wheeler. You’re the new girl, right? Hopper’s niece?”

“Yeah. I’m Y/n L/n.” Y/n guessed that Nancy knew her uncle Hop, as he didn’t talk to people about his family every day. She was still embarrassed from the collision, but happy that Nancy didn’t make a big deal out of it. Fishing the schedule out of her bag, y/n decided to make good use of her accident turned meeting; “Oh! Do you know where this class is?”

Nancy took the paper from her, looking over it and then nodding. “Mhm, I actually was heading there if you wanna wait for my boyfriend with me so we can head there together?” 

Y/n agreed and attempted to make small talk with Nancy before a guy with carefully styled hair came up behind the Wheeler girl, kissing her head and greeting her good morning.

“Is that natural? Your hair?”

The couple stopped what they were doing to look at y/n, who was squinting at his head. “Uh..well kind of? I’m Steve. You visiting or something?” Nancy hit his chest and whispered something into his ear. Whatever she had said made his eyes widen, “I’m sorry, that was rude of me, I knew you were going to be here but I just didn’t know what you would look like.”

“Did you think I’d have a mustache, smell like beer and be a strict cop guy?”

“What? ..Oh that was a Hop joke..okay I get it now...” 

Awkward silence was shared between the three, Nancy breaking it by announcing that they were now going to head to class.

. . .

After school got out, Nancy took her on a guide through the building. She also included information she thought was important for y/n to know. By the end of it, Y/n knew almost every student’s name, a few things about each person who’s name she learned, the boys Nancy thought were cute, where to find each class, and the best place to sit at lunch. The girls arrived back in the gym to find Steve and a curly haired blonde bickering.

“Is that-”

“Yup. Hargrove himself, in the flesh. Remember what I said, don’t let your guard down, got it?” Nancy rubbed y/n’s back reassuringly when she didn’t get a response. 

The boys stopped conversing when they realized they weren’t alone in the room. Steve went straight to packing up his stuff and Billy sat on the bleachers, observing the new girl. Y/n mimicked his actions, titling her head when he tilted his. He chuckled and smirked his famous panty-dropping half smile, surprised when she didn’t react. Billy didn’t say anything about it of course, let alone let his surprise show.

Steve came back into the gym, tugging on Nancy’s arm to get her to go with him. Nancy rubbed Y/n’s back one more time before telling her it was time to go, the two girls following behind Steve. She didn’t leave the room completely, turning for a quick second. “Bye Hargrove.” She fled before she could see his reaction, smiling and holding in her laughter when she pictured the many possibilities it could be.

. . .

“How was school?” Jim Hopper sat at the table, eating dinner with his daughter and niece. Obviously, he didn’t expect to choke on his potatoes when Y/n said she had met Steve Harrington and Billy Hargrove. “You stay away from mullet kid, you hear me?” She rolled her eyes, but nodded. 

Jane, who was waiting until Hop was done speaking, put her hand over Y/n’s, “I know Steve.” 

“You do? How?”

“No. That’s enough talk about boys. I asked how your day was, it’s Jane’s turn.” 

Dinner continued past the awkward tension in the room. Jane and y/n rushed to bed, giggling in their dark room about the boys they were banned from talking about. Jane told her cousin about Mike, doing a bad job at denying it after y/n teased her in a sing-songy voice. Staying up until past midnight becoming a usual thing as the girls grew closer to one another. 

A month in Hawkins had passed, only feeling like a week. Time really flew by, but Y/n and Jane had gotten to know each other really well. Y/n also met more people, including the group of kids that Steve hung out with. Her friends in highschool were still almost to nonexistent, but she was so distracted by family and her new friends that she didn’t even notice. It was fun, going over to the Byers’ house to hang out, meeting Joyce and her sons, even funner to convince the group to tease Mike and Jane in the embarrassing moments.

Halloween was next month, so it was time for Nancy to tell Y/n about the “annual Halloween Bash” Tina holds. Y/n planned for it right away, it being a perfect opportunity to get back to partying. She thought of all the costumes, different themes she could go with. There were honestly so many to choose from. Clearly there were going to be girls in “slutty” versions of costumes, but that wasn’t y/n’s style. She would be ready, that’s all she needed to know.

Billy and her didn’t talk much, but they saw each other almost every day, exchanging glances while pretending to be interested in what their friends had to say. Nancy saw how distracted she’d get when Billy was in the room, doing the same thing she did the first time Y/n was at a loss for words

Blasting David Bowie from her new room, she jumped onto her bed, relaxing back and thinking of what the next day could hold. Would she actually say hi to the teenage rebel? That was the thing. Billy was making her curious. Y/n had to know his secrets. It was nagging at her, the mysterious bruises that she knew weren’t hickeys, the girls he would fuck and then drop a week later, the fights he had with Steve. It all just made her more curious. What was the truth about Hawkins bad boy? And why was not knowing it keeping her up at night?

✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦  

SO! I didn’t quite know how to end this and I decided that after each part, I’m gonna put a gif that’s..similar (?) to the last sentence. Anyways, it took a tiny bit, but after reading and writing other things, I finished it. I don’t know how it turned out, however I really do hope you guys like it. 

I am open for requests including things you’d like me to include in this series. Don’t be afraid to ask for AUs, oneshots, HCs, songs like my Draco fic, or really anything, I love it when I get requests cause it lets me know you enjoy what I’m writing. Also feedback; feedback is appreciated ‘cause it lets me know what I should change or work harder on, as I’m still figuring out this series due to it being picked back up here on tumblr. I love you all so so much, thank you for reading!

✘ Bowie

[empresskylo]

Intimidating

Pairing ↠  Logan Howlett x female!reader Warnings ↠ smut! Unprotected sex! Word Count ↠  2.6k+ Summary ↠ “You come across as, um, a little intimidating.” Author’s note ↠  Since on hiatus, i’ll be redoing my permanent tag list, so let me know if you’d like to get added (pls dm me, don’t reply) main masterlist

You were new to Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters except you weren’t exactly a “youngster”. Charles had recently reached out to you and invited you to live at the school and work with the children. He had made the inquiry to attend as a student long ago, back when you were underage, but you had friends you could count on and didn’t think you needed “schooling” and politely declined.

Years had past and all your friends were gone. It wasn’t an easy journey and you found yourself lost and alone. You were so thankful for Charles and happily decided to work with him.

You were new and of course that was always awkward, but soon enough the others began to grow on you. Jean was sweet and you would often find yourself hanging out with her and Scott at night. You three would sit around and drink, Jean would often go off on long tangents about abstract ideas that you and Scott loved. Storm was the one who helped you get settled and showed you how to teach the mutant children. And some of the older students befriend you as well. But you always found yourself avoiding one person, Logan. He was dark and mysterious. He had a temper and wasn’t very inviting. Jean told you he was kinder than he appeared but you still took every chance you could to avoid contact with him.

You woke up from a nightmare, one that was too real to speak aloud. You found yourself making your way to the kitchen. You did this often when you couldn’t sleep and occasionally you’d bump into a student or two, and even once you bumped into Charles, but who you saw tonight caught you off guard.

Logan was sitting at the counter, a beer next to him, his eyes closed. You slightly jumped when you spotted him, your quiet squeal grabbing his attention and he opened his eyes.

“Oh- uh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- didn’t mean to disturb you.” You fumbled with your words.

Logan raised an eyebrow, “You’re not disturbing me.” He said matter-of-factly.

You stood there staring at him, not sure on what to do next. Do you slowly back away and book it to your room? Do you pretend like you never saw him and grab a snack? Do you try to engage in conversation?

He smiled, snapping you out of your escape ideas, “I’m not going to bite,” a small chuckled escaped his raspy late night voice.

Your body slightly relaxed and you gave a forced smiled. You made your way to the fridge, looking for something to grab that way you could make your way back to your room.

“How come we’ve never talked?” He asked abruptly.

You grabbed a can of soda and turned around, closing the fridge with your foot as you did.

“I don’t know. We just never crossed paths.”

He laughed, “We’ve crossed paths plenty of times, you just always run out of the room.”

You blushed, embarrassed that he noticed. “Uh- I guess you come across as, um, a little intimidating.” You muttered quietly.

Logan almost looked hurt at you words. His hand tightened around his drink and he furrowed his eyebrows, “Yeah, you wouldn’t be the first to tell me that,” he said as he tilted his drink back and took a big gulp. 

He was looking directly at you now across the table. You saw the hurt in his eyes, something you never expected to see when you finally came face to face with him. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine, kid. I think I’ve just had too much to drink.” 

You studied him, the way he was sitting across from you gave you a warm feeling that you didn’t know how to describe. It was like looking at someone who could crush you at any moment, but up close, his fierce demeanor slipped away and you felt safe. Like the way a rushing river could pull you under with no remorse, but the calm sounds and glimmering water made you feel at home.

Logan pushed himself up and tossed his beer bottle in the bin. “See ya around,” He spoke to you as he headed towards the hall. He paused, “Unless you’re still gonna run for the hills every time I come your way.” He smiled, a faint sparkle gleaming in his eyes. 

You smiled back, your heart speeding up, and he walked away. 

Over the next few weeks you and Logan gradually became friends. He would often say funny remarks under his breath near you and would catch you giggling. He finally had stopped you in the hall after a meeting, “I’m glad you’re not so bothered by me anymore.” You turned towards him, alone in the hall aside from the two of you.

“Yeah, well I smartened up and realized you weren’t so tough.” You smirked.

He pretended to be hurt, “You have a cheeky side, I see.” His words made you blush.

From then on, Logan would find you at dinner or when he got back from missions and would spend time with you. You warmed up to him and realized he was someone you could count on. You’d often laze around the living space together when everyone was in bed, or take walks in the courtyard, teasing each other as you did.

Late one evening, Logan sat on his bed reading and you laid across his floor with pillows beneath you as you tried to come up with a study plan for some of the students you were teaching.

“Ugh, I can’t figure this out.” You sighed, frustrated with how hard it was to help other people with totally different powers from you.

Logan stood up, placing his book on his nightstand, walked over to you, and collapsed on the pillows beside you. “You’ve been at this for hours, I think you need a break. A fresh look at it will do wonders.”

“Maybe you’re right,” You mumbled, sitting up.

You didn’t realized how close Logan was to you until you were sitting up on your knees, your face mere inches away. You held your position, a bit startled, his eyes analyzing you. The sudden reality of your close proximity made you clear your throat and stand up.

You heart was racing and you felt your cheeks go red. Logan often did this to you: his sweet comments, or cheeky remarks made you blush. You found yourself becoming attracted to him but you didn’t want to ruin your friendship. And to be quiet honest, the though of being with someone like him made you trembled. You may have gotten more relaxed around him, and even befriended him, but he still intimidated you.

“I should go,” you started, grabbing your papers off the floor, “it’s getting late.”

“Y/N,” he pleaded, standing up and catching your hand as you made your way to the door, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, no, no, it’s not you.” You shrugged awkwardly. He let go of your hand as you faced him, his eyes trying to read your face. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable,” you mumbled, your eyes avoiding his gaze.

Logan almost couldn’t hear you but the way his heart quickened meant he certainly heard every word. “Y/N...” He said, his voice much quieter than before. You looked up at him, your cheeks red-hot in embarrassment that you said that out loud.You expected to have an awkward Logan peering at you, about to let you down gently, telling you he’s not interested in you that way, but instead you were met with his lips.

Startled at how quickly everything was happening, you felt his arms grace your hips. His mouth moved against yours, your body heating up. He pulled away abruptly, “I’m sorry.” He said, his eyes looking into yours, trying to decipher if this is what you wanted.

“No- don’t be,” You bit your lip looking up at him, his hands still on your hips.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked.

You paused for a moment to think, then shook your head. Without wasting time Logan attached himself to you again. You had never been kissed like this and you felt like your chest was bound to explode. His hands snaked their way to your back and he pulled you up against him. You moved your hands up to run through his hair. His large stature was leaning down to reach you so you didn’t have to go on your tip toes.

He pushed you up against the door, your legs straddling one of his. His began to place soft kisses on your jaw and down to your neck. You let out a moan. Logan quickly pulled away and you were immediately embarrassed at the unconscious sound you made.

“I’m not going to be able to stop myself if you keep doing that, so tell me if you want us to stop. I don’t want to rush this,” his voice was hoarse and out of breath. You felt chills form over your entire body.

“To stop now would be cruel,” you voice was quiet and out of breath. He took your consent and picked you up, his lips connecting to yours and walked you both over to his bed.

He set you down on both your knees making you perfectly inline with himself. His hand went behind your head and deepened the kiss. You felt him press up against you and he groaned. You felt him hardened beneath you which caused your insides to warm up at your core.

Your body felt red hot, your fingers slightly trembling as you gripped his hip. He traced the hem of your shirt and gently tugged at it. You pulled away and lifted your arms up allowing him to remove it from your chest.

Out of breath, Logan admired you. He could feel himself panting like a dog. You blushed slightly as he remained looking you up and down, a hard contrast to when he was just all over you. “You’re so beautiful,” the words were quiet and you felt a smile form on your lips. He took another moment to take you in before he ripped his own shirt off.

You swallowed hard looking at his extremely toned chest. Logan slowly reach up and grabbed at the seam of your pajama shorts. He kissed your neck as he tugged your shorts down. You did the rest, kicking them off your ankles. His hands traced down your curves and he placed a delicate kiss on your collar bone. You felt goosebumps form on your bare skin, so surprised at his loving demeanor. Logan could go from rough and hot, to gentle and slow. You didn’t expect someone like him to be like this.

He gently pushed you onto your back, watching you as he unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down. You gulped as he climbed onto the bed and between your legs, his body against yours as his warm lips made contact with you again. You felt his tongue slip into your mouth, a slight moan forming in the back of your throat.

You fumbled with your bra straps, trying to tear them off. You were getting frustrated, still kissing Logan while trying to remove this restricting clothing. He pulled away, “I got it,” he mumbled softly. You sighed in defeat as he slid his hands under your back making you arch and unbuckled the strap. He pulled it from you and his eyes got dark. His hands came up to roam your chest and then left wet kisses along your breast. You groaned when his mouth wrapped around your bud.

He sat up, slightly nipping you as he did, “I want to make you make those sounds forever.” You felt a shiver swim over you.

Logan slid his underwear down his tanned thighs exposing himself fully to you. He still hovered above you, your hair sprawled out on the bed and he tried to take this moment completely in. His rough hand slid along your thigh and brushed over your underwear. You bit your lip. Logan continued to rub between your legs, your insides twisting as you tried to stay still for him. You were already dripping for him, you both knew you weren’t going to last long.

“Logan, please...” you said out of breath. He smirked and slid your panties down and threw them behind you. He planted a kiss right below your belly button then slowly made his way up to your face. You grabbed his hair in your hands as his soft lips collided with your neck once again. 

“Are you ready?” He asked you, barely above a whisper. 

You nodded and Logan lined himself up with you and gently pushed himself it. It was hot, like fire, for a moment as he filled you up. Your hands gripped his back, sure to leave marks. He let out a loud grunt when he bottomed out, your eyes closed, squirming beneath him as he held himself there. You grew impatient, his lips kissing your jaw lightly. You hips bucked up slightly, trying to get him to move and you moaned out breathlessly. 

Logan’s eyes shifted to darkness immediately began to pull back out, your breath getting hitched in your throat. Before you could take a moment, he slammed back into you, both of you groaning. He continued, pulling himself out then slamming into you, the bed creaking as he did. “Fucking hell” Logan breathlessly moaned. Your legs wrapped around his hips, trying to pull him in deeper with every thrust. 

“Tell me how you feel,” He commanded in a husky tone. 

Your lips were parted, your hair sprawled out behind you, you were certain your cheeks were bright red and you tried to muster words out, “So- uh- fucking- good!” You moaned. 

Logan let a trail of swears pool out of his mouth and then he reached down and left a needy kiss on your already red and swollen lips. Logan grabbed you hips, his fingers digging into your skin as his quickened his pace. You were getting close already and you tightly wrapped your fingers in Logan’s hair, your other hand clenching the bed sheets. Logan’s bed frame began hitting the wall with every pump inside of you. 

“Fucking hell-” He moaned out. Logan had imagined this moment before, the way you’d lay beautifully beneath him as he pleasured you to no end. He was losing it quicker than usual, your moans pulling him to the edge quickly. Logan reached a hand down between your legs and began to circle your clit. Little squeals began to leave your parted lips, your body squirming beneath him. He felt your walls tighten around his dick and he couldn’t hold it much longer. “Jesus, Y/N, I’m gonna- ugh, fuck-” and with that, you felt yourself go over the edge, Logan’s eyes locking with yours as you both loudly moaned. He continued to move in and out of you to elongate the feeling of ecstasy. 

Your legs and arms trailed his back, not being able to hold still as Logan spilled himself into you, a bead of sweat forming on his forehead. He was still muttering swears as he slowed down, the high reaching a peacefully after-bliss. He collapsed on top of you, both of you breathing heavily. After a moment he rolled on the bed next to you, a large grin on his face making you blush. He pulled you close to him, your head resting beside him as he pushed your hair behind your ear, “That was better than I could have ever dreamed.”

“Oh, so you’ve dreamed about this before?” You asked, wiggling an eyebrow. Logan just smiled at you, placing a kiss on your forehead. You couldn’t believe you were ever afraid of this man. 

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 104

Chapter Summary -   After the night out, Danielle and Emma have to organise things around a small hiccup.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Danielle curled closer to Tom, refusing to acknowledge the morning light that was ebbing its way in the bedroom window.

'How's your head?' Tom sensed she had woken beside him.

'Fine, I told you, I didn't drink too much and I rehydrated when I came home.'

'I need to get up.' Tom went to move but Danielle curled in closer to him. 'Elle.'

'No, you're staying in bed with me.' she held onto him.

'You need to get up too.' He chuckled as he tried to untangle himself from her. 'Jesus, you're clingier than you look.'

'No.'

'Elle, you know I need to go for a run.' He ceased fighting to get loose and instead tilted her head up, kissing her softly. 'I need to stay fit for you.'

'I don't care what you look like.'

'I am sure you do a little.' he argued. 'I am sure part of you wants me to be able to lift you up by the ass and press you against a wall and have the strength to keep you there as I ravish you.'

'Don't need to run for that, that is strength, not endurance.' She pointed out, kissing him again.

'True, but the endurance is needed to keep you satisfied too.'

'I still don't want you to go.'

'Five weeks is going to be hard, isn't it?' Tom ceased playing and instead looked at her solemnly. 'I am going to miss you.'

'You'll be too busy.'

'I will be busy, but that does not mean I will not miss you.' He toyed with her hair. 'I was wondering if you would do something for me when I am away?'

'Sure.'

'I was thinking about getting the kitchen redone, the presses are falling off the hinges at this stage.'

'Good plan.' Danielle concurred. 'What do you need of me?'

'Well before we go, I want us to decide what we want and I will organise the delivery if you...'

'Play the good little housewife and wait in for the guys to come and fit it?' she hampered a guess.

Tom's eyes widened. 'I never meant to imply anything like that, I know you have your own work to do.' he stated immediately.

Danielle only laughed. 'I know, calm down you silly man.' she kissed him lovingly. 'We'll go look at them today and we will arrange a date for the guys to come fit it when I am back from the US, alright?' she kissed him again.

'Today? Are you sure, you said you were busy.'

'Not too busy to spend time with you. Are you sure you want me involved?'

Tom pulled her over in a manner that she was on top of him, her legs straddling him, though not in a sexual manner. 'Elle, this is our home now, ours; meaning mine and yours. And that means when there is a large decision to be made, such as the kitchen, a place you tend to enjoy spending a considerable amount of time in, then you have the right to a say in it.'

'I do little to quash gender stereotyping with my love of cooking and baking,' Danielle laughed.

'You don't often bake,' Tom frowned.

'Only because I would end up eating it all and that is something I try to avoid, I am something of a glutton if left to my own devices.'

'That I can understand. So, I am going to go for my run, you are going to get ready and when I am back and we are both ready, we'll head after lunch, alright?'

'Perfect.'

'That means getting off me and letting me get out of bed Elle.' Tom nudged her slightly to see if he could get her to move any bit.

'Nope.'

'You're terrible.'

* 'For all your talk, you'd think you would have gone for a longer run.' Danielle laughed before turning around, one look at the person looking at her made her force herself not to laugh. 'You look tired.'

'Fuck you. Why did you let me drink all that wine?' Emma groaned.

Danielle put on the kettle and readied a cup with coffee and sugar before going to the medicine cabinet and retrieving another rehydration sachet from the pile she had used herself the night before and making a drink. 'This first, then coffee and toast.'

'How are you so chirpy this morning?'

'I only drank three-quarters of a bottle, you polished off your bottle, the last quarter of mine and another half bottle.' Danielle explained, 'And I drank that stuff when I came home last night.' she pointed to the glass containing the powdered liquid in her friend's hand. 'You refused, you told me you would be fine.'

'What have I told you before about drunk me? Ignore her, she is a sadistic bitch that enjoys causing me pain and misery.' Emma downed the drink before Danielle took the glass and filled it again. 'That stuff tastes like pond water.'

'Works well, though.'

'Evidentially.  Age is a factor in it too though.'

Danielle laughed. 'There are eight months between us.'

'Speaking of which, has Tom talked to you about your birthday yet?'

'My birthday is three months away.'

'But you'll be thirty.'

'That means nothing, I am not overly bothered by such things.' Danielle stated before giving her friend the coffee.

'Where is my idiot brother anyway?'

'Went for a run about fifteen minutes ago, I thought you were him when you came in.'

'That would have been a short run.'

'Hence why I said what I said.' Danielle handed her the lightly buttered toast. 'Do you remember us calling Jack last night?'

'Yes, I wasn't absolutely sloshed, thank you.' Emma scoffed. 'Today is going to be a long day.'

'Take a nice long shower, that will set you up better.'

'I am stealing your blue shirt, by the way.'

Danielle rolled her eyes. 'You have more of my clothes at this stage than I do.'

'Well, you're the big set person these days. Speaking of which, how is all that going?'

'Good, I have LA this week to do some sort of meeting.'

'That's fancy.'

'Yes, if only I didn't have to explain things to a boardroom full of men that I don't know and who are probably not too interested in what I have to say, only trying to dismiss me because what I am suggesting is going to cost them money.'

'Studios don't usually have an issue with spending money though, do they?'

'They spend them on huge salaries, fancy locations and big explosions no problem, spending them on "unnecessary backstage stuff" that they have a problem with.' Danielle explained.

'Fun.' Emma drained the last of her tea. 'What time did Jack say he would be here?'

'I think it is ten.' They looked at the clock on the wall. 'You better get ready.' Emma simply groaned and did as her friend suggested.

*

Danielle felt a pair of arms wrap around her. 'Guess who?' lips pressing to the side of her neck.

'Emma, I warned you your brother will be back in a minute.' Danielle sniggered as Tom growled. 'Hello, how was your run?'

'Alright, someone, and I am not pointing any fingers,' The pair looked at a somewhat guilty looking Mac nearby. 'Was busy trying to chase some little fancy thing in the park, though a few dogs were trying to get to her, I think she was in heat.'

'Mac, you're castrated, you're no use.' Danielle admonished. Mac gave a groan. 'and I don't think she wanted you for your personality, as incredible as it is.' Mac placed his head on his paws, appearing somewhat downtrodden.

Tom chuckled at the manner Danielle interacted with Mac. 'Is Emma awake do you know?'

'Yeah, she came down, feeling a little worse for wear and got tea and toast, she is having a shower now.'

'I'll grab mine.'

'Leave it a minute, she has to go into our room to steal my clothes.'

'I have to ask, do you ever steal hers, because all I ever hear is her stealing yours.'

'Yes, I tend to steal her jackets,' Tom frowned. 'Half the jackets here aren't even mine, they're hers.'

'I knew you would never buy a pink jacket.' Tom commented.

* 'Hey, Jack.' Jack looked somewhat startled as Danielle opened the door. 'She is nearly ready, the hairdryer is just turned off.'

'Good, Dad is in at quarter past eleven, with traffic and parking, I want us to be there on time.'

'What about your mum?'

'Some sort of "Women's only getaway" so he thought to come over here.'

'Good plan.' Danielle nodded. 'Tea?'

'Coffee, please.'

'That good a night?'

'I fell asleep on the couch and I am in bits today.'

'Not fun.' She handed him the mug of hot dark fluid.

'You two had fun, I hear.'

'Yeah, I...' Danielle stopped talking when Tom walked into the room looking worried. 'Hey, what's wrong?'

'That was the kennels, they overbooked and can't take Mac.' He held up his phone.

'But we leave tonight.' Danielle. 'What are we supposed to do with him? We don't have time to bring him to Suffolk.'

'We don't have a choice, do we?' Tom argued. 'I'll cancel the meeting.'

'We'll take him.' They turned to see Emma in the doorway, having stolen the dress Danielle had worn to the Kong premiere. 'Did you bring my shoes?' she asked her husband.

'They're in the car.' Jack replied, still somewhat shocked at his wife's declaration.

'Good. We'll take Mac, we are going to bring Bill to mum's anyway, we can drop him there.'

'That's perfect.' Tom sighed in relief. 'You don't mind?'

'It makes sense.' Jack smiled.

'Elle?' Emma looked at her friend.

Danielle said nothing for a moment. 'I have to be here for two days after I return to get everything sorted, but I did plan on going to Suffolk after that anyway. I need to sort something with the house and I did promise your mum I would redo her garden with her, so I planned on helping her then.'

'Sorted.' Emma smiled. 'By the way, you're not getting this back.' She grinned.

'I have nothing with you.'

'You stole my brother, I am stealing your clothes, fair deal.' Emma beamed. 'We better go.'

With only half a cup of coffee drank, Jack thanked his brother-in-law and friend before grabbing Mac's belongings as Emma and Mac made their way to the car and left for the airport.

'Poor Mac is pillar to post these days.'" Danielle sighed.

'I know, we'll be sorted again soon, once the filming is over, then he is here most of the time with us, or one of us.'

'I checked, I can bring him with me filming.'

'He'll love that.' Tom smiled, kissing her shoulder again after his sister and her husband had driven off. Danielle turned her head to kiss him again. 'We have a long day of work before we go.' she kissed him again. 'Shower together?' her answer was her guiding him upstairs by the hand.

*

Danielle looked around her as though to even move more than an inch would break something.

'Darling, relax.' Tom chuckled, taking the seat across from her and belting in. 'It's sturdier than you think.'

'I can see why people like to travel by them, though claustrophobia could be an issue for some I would imagine.'

'Yes, it would very much be likely to be magnified, in a tiny plane, thirty thousand feet in the air.' He agreed. 'That is not a concern for us though, is it?'

'No, I can think of several things to preoccupy me for the time it takes to get to Atlanta.' Tom's brow rose slightly, a smug grin coming to his face. 'Not that.'

'We'll see.'

[dracoisalooker76]

My Heart is Heavy, Part 2

This is Part 2 of “My Heart is Heavy” - my Everlark Bachelor!AU based on Season 23 of The Bachelor, featuring Bachelor!Peeta.

Part 1 can be read here.

...

Cressida calls cut and comes out from behind the camera with her eyebrow raised.

“Can you at least try to look a little less excited?” she asks, crossing her arms sternly but with the corners of her lips upturned. “You’re going to give it away with these inserts if you keep that shit-eating grin on your face.”

Peeta shrugs. “I can’t help it. She’s the one, Cress. Katniss is the one.”

Cressida moves her arms from a stern crossed position to her hips. “You know you can’t say that. We have to at least keep up the illusion that Glimmer or Cashmere could win this.”

He rolls his eyes. He knows that’s the script of the show. The filming they’ve done today will be for the penultimate episode and during a special finale he will, somehow, spend two hours determining which of the three women will receive the ring he doesn’t currently have in his possession. For the sake of the show, he can’t give anything away now, even though he already knows how it will end.

He has known for a while. It’s why Cashmere and Glimmer are here - they’re two of the favorites to go on to The Bachelorette. Since his feelings for Katniss became abundantly obvious to the producers and crew a few weeks ago, they’ve been giving him hints on who they would like him to keep in order to make good television. For the most part, he has gone right along with the script. It’s why, even though Clove told him she loved him last week during her hometown visit while Cashmere was still hedging her bets with the whole ‘I’m falling in love you’ line, he still sent Clove home. Bachelor host Caesar Flickerman put in his ear that he wanted her to be on the special ‘Women Tell All’ episode that airs the night after ‘Fantasy Suites’ and features the women who did not make the top three. Of course Caesar did. Clove caused the most drama of any of the girls in the whole season.

It’s all just a big game to Caesar and the producers, and even some of the women. But Peeta can’t help but think he got lucky with Katniss’s casting.

His biggest fear going on The Bachelor was that he would get played by some girl who just wanted fame and not a relationship. He does want to get married and have a family one day, so this is supposed to be the first step on that journey. However, over the weeks, a bunch of the girls have told him as they’ve walked out after the weekly rose ceremony that there were contestants still there who ‘weren’t ready’ for what Peeta wanted. But every week that passed, he would send a girl home he was convinced was the girl the previous one had warned him about, only to get another warning.

Luckily, he knows Katniss isn’t that girl. He thinks the girl everyone was talking about was Clove or maybe Glimmer, or maybe both. They’re both instagram models already, probably wanting to improve their views. Cashmere is older at 29 and definitely ready to settle down, since she has mentioned kids and her ‘ticking clock’ about a hundred times in the last couple of weeks. It’s not her. And of course there’s Katniss, but it’s not her either. So it’s got to be Glimmer if it wasn’t Clove.

Cressida knocks his arm and he tries to stymie the huge smile that has begun to re-form on his lips.

“Okay, let’s just try to get this sound bite done then you can go back to being a giggling school girl,” the producer jokes, turning around and getting back behind the camera. “So, tell me about tonight.”

They like to key in on sex with Katniss more so than either of the other girls. Most of it stems from her never being in a serious relationship, but at least some of it is tied to a moment of theirs in Thailand. While they were walking on the beach, the water looked so beautiful and Katniss offhandedly mentioned it looked prime for swimming. Peeta tore off his shirt so it wouldn’t get wet and Katniss covered her eyes, thinking he was going to strip naked and they were going skinny dipping on camera. Luckily, Cressida and Pollux gave them a minute so Katniss could stop hyperventilating off camera, but ever since they’ve run with the purity card with her.

But Peeta doesn’t want to talk about that on camera. That’s something personal to Katniss and he’s not going to play up the whole ‘she’s a virgin’ card that the producers want him to do.

“I mean, I can’t say I’m not excited. Physical intimacy is huge in any relationship,” he says, trying to choose his words carefully so no editors can piece them apart in final review. “But that doesn’t just mean one thing. Personally, I think just falling asleep beside someone speaks volumes about your comfort with them because that’s the most vulnerable you can be.”

Cressida shakes her head but doesn’t make him redo it. Instead, she veers into less serious questions about his time in Portugal before letting him go to get ready.

He knows that tonight is going to be huge for them and he wants it to be perfect. Katniss was a little shocked during the day portion of her date when he told her that Haymitch didn’t give him his blessing for an engagement. Her entire demeanor shifted for the rest of the afternoon and he wants to know what is going through her head. He knows he can’t say it on camera, but he is hoping that as soon as the suite doors close he can tell her that an engagement isn’t something he needs from her if it makes her family uncomfortable. He wants to leave Portugal with her by his side and if it means they take it slow until her family is okay with it, that’s fine by him.

That’s not to say he won’t have a ring ready just in case. He grabbed Prim’s number during his visit last week while Katniss and Haymitch were sent off to talk by the producers. He is hoping to use her guidance to design the custom engagement ring Neil Lane would design for the finale. Of course, that conversation happened before Haymitch refused a blessing, but depending on what Katniss says tonight he might get a ring ready just in case.

“Look, kid, I like you,” Haymitch had told him during Peeta’s visit to Katniss’s hometown. “You seem like a good one. But I’ve known you for all of five minutes and if you think I’m going to drive you to Jared’s, you’ve got another thing coming.”

“So, you don’t give your blessing?”

Haymitch had shaken his head. “She is going to decide what’s best for her and I’m with the girl.”

Of course, Cressida told him that that part would probably get axed and it would stop with him shaking his head. Too much gray area in that blessing for good television. When the show airs, Haymitch will be a firm a no instead of a no, but. Regardless, it wasn’t a yes like he got from the other families and that does bother him because he knows how close Katniss is to her family.

He lights a candle between their plates on the table that’s set up for them. Katniss should be arriving momentarily. They’ll eat, then get the key to their suite, and finally the cameras will go away. They’re mic’d almost the entire time they’re on this show, so he is excited to have true one-on-one time with Katniss without having all the crew watching their every move.

He hears a murmuring amongst the crew and turns to see what’s going on. Pollux has shown up, standing next to Cressida and talking in her ear. Cressida’s eyes widen but her face remains set, not giving anything away. Then Pollux backs away and starts to set up his camera and crew.

Peeta grins. If Pollux is setting up, it means Katniss is en route.

The idea of just being around her lights him up, filling him with a comfortable heat. He loves her. When he signed his contract, he didn’t think he’d actually find someone so perfect for him, but he did. He would just end the show right now if he could. He would ‘dump’ both Cashmere and Glimmer and wouldn’t wait another second to spend the rest of his life with Katniss.

A few of the overhead lights flick on and he watches as the producers and sound crew get into position. This fantasy suite isn’t a hotel. It’s a cozy cabin on the same resort space but he felt like this seemed more Katniss than the pristine white villas Caesar had offered. This one almost looks like it’s set into the forest, more like a fancy treehouse. It’s perfect for Katniss with her love of nature.

The gate opens and her transportation pulls into the parking bay. He stands up and smiles as a producer opens her door. She’s stunning. She wears a pale yellow dress that pairs with her purity theme almost too well, perhaps even chosen by a producer or the wardrobe specialist there to make sure the outfits the girls choose are right for the camera. He wonders if this is Cinna’s work because she looks sweet and comfortable, rather than overtly sexy like Cashmere, who had been trying not to expose anything on camera most of the night. Cinna might have been called in to make sure there wasn’t a repeat disaster like that.

She strides toward him slowly, eyes down, in a pair of ankle boots that shuffle on the uneven path. He meets her halfway, holding his hand out to help steady her. He hasn’t had to steady her before. Of the two, he’s definitely the klutz. But, she takes his hand and he gives it squeeze before pulling her in for a hug.

Cinna has ensured Katniss has worn the highest heels she can wear without falling over on the majority of her dates with him so on camera they fit better in the frames. Tonight when he pulls her into his arms, her face burrows into his chest and he finds himself grinning like a madman knowing that this is what it’s actually going to feel like when they go home. He’s not tall, but Katniss is tiny, much smaller than he even realized. He kisses the top of her head.

“You look beautiful,” he says.

She pulls away and smiles. “Thanks. So do you. I mean...you know.”

He chuckles and tugs her hand. “Come on, dinner looks great.”

The corners of her mouth drop and she bites her bottom lip, her eyes going back down to her shoes.

“I, uh, I’m not hungry,” she says quietly.

He shakes his head. One thing he learned quickly about Katniss is that she is always down for food. She is willing to try almost anything, including the cultural dishes that most of the other girls stuck their noses up at or could barely swallow as they traveled through Southeast Asia.

He puts his hands on her shoulders and realizes she is shaking. He wonders if maybe she’s nervous about tonight, so he leans in, hoping that the mics won’t catch what he says in her ear.

“If this is about the suites, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he says. “I’m not expecting anything. I’m just excited to have uninterrupted time with you.”

When he pulls away, he is shocked to see her eyes clenched shut and her olive skin brushed with a pink tint. A stray tear slips down her cheek and he quickly reaches for it with his thumb. She almost melts into his hand at the contact.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he murmurs.

She doesn’t immediately respond, so he pulls her over to a wicker couch on the porch. They sit down and her head tilts to the right, like she’s trying to not let him see her face.

“Can you tell me what’s going on? Maybe I can help,” he says. Right now, he feels pretty helpless watching Katniss cry and not knowing what’s going on. He isn’t sure how he can help, but he wants to do so. “Katniss?”

She shakes her head and lets out a breath, rubbing her temples with her fingers. “This isn’t how I wanted this to go,” she mumbles.

“What are you talking about?”

His heart is pounding. His head is spinning. He has no idea what’s going on.

“Katniss, please talk to me,” he begs.

“I’m not good at words,” she says.

Her hands wring together in her lap and he reaches to cover them with his hand, trying to calm her down.

“Well, can you try?” he asks. “Because...I have no idea what’s going on.”

She looks up at him with glassy eyes and gives a short nod before sitting in silence for what feels like eternity before she speaks.

“I’m going home,” she says.

He feels like she kicked him in the gut. What is happening? Does she think that she is the next girl gone? Does she really think that after everything they’ve been through that he is going to choose Cashmere or Glimmer over her? He shakes his head and puts his hand on her cheek.

“No. No, you’re not,” he says. “You’re going to get a rose. I’d give it to you now if I had it.”

He turns away briefly, but Caesar is nowhere to be found. It is late for him to be on set, but maybe someone has gone running to grab him so he can bring the roses. Peeta wants Katniss to know she’s safe tonight and has nothing to worry about.

He feels her hand on his cheek, mimicking his on hers, and he lets her guide his attention back to her. She’s shaking her head when their eyes meet.

“No, Peeta. I’m going home tonight. Haymitch and I are going to the airport now.”

His stomach bottoms out. She is leaving on her own. He can barely breathe. How did everything go from being almost perfect to this in the span of a few hours. It wasn’t like she had a lot of time by herself -

“Wait, Haymitch? Haymitch is here?” he asks.

She nods and he turns away from her and to the producers. Cressida and Pollux are standing together, neither one able to meet his eyes, so he glares at whoever in the crew can guiltily look his way.

“Haymitch is here,” he growls at them. Caesar’s probably with him in the transport, he thinks. They’re probably talking about poor Peeta getting his heart broken because ‘daddy’ said no. They flew Haymitch in for a story line. They put Peeta in this situation. They’re ruining this for him.

Well, he has one shot.

He turns back to Katniss and decides to screw the script. He knows he’s not supposed to say this and it’s probably all going to be edited out later but he has to try. He can’t let her leave without trying to convince her that it’s okay to stay.

“Katniss, I understand that I didn’t get Haymitch’s blessing and that your family is the most important thing to you. So, I need you to know that I’ve been thinking about this too and I’m okay not proposing to you at the end of this if that’s what you want,” he says. He tries not to take any breaths. He just needs to get it all out. “I just want to be with you. I want to fly home with you and be with you and I don’t care if it’s as your fiance or just a boyfriend. I just...I need you in my life.”

His voice shakes as he finishes and Katniss leans back into the couch, covering her eyes with one hand, the other wrapped around herself.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to go home a long time ago.”

Peeta’s mouth instantly dries. Suddenly, he can hear Enobaria’s voice in his head. And Finch’s. And all the others that warned him about the ‘girls who weren’t ready’ and his stomach turns as he lets out a shaky breath.

“So...this was all a lie...how you acted,” he says slowly. He pulls his hand away from her knee, where it fell when Katniss covered her eyes. “So you want to be the Bachelorette? You want to go on Bachelor in Paradise?”

Katniss’s head spins toward him frantically, eyes wide. “No. No. No,” she says. “I had no intention on being the Bachelorette at all. I just...you weren’t supposed to fall in love with me.”

“Why not?” he asks. He pulls at his hair. “I’m so confused. What are you even saying?”

“I told you I’m not good with words,”  she says. She presses the bridge of her nose between her fingers. “You can’t love me because I can’t give you what you want.”

He frowns. “Katniss, I want you.”

She nods. “I know.”

They sit in silence while it registers. Peeta leans his head against the back of the couch, running a hand over his face.

“So, you don’t love me,” he says. The words hurt just saying them. He can’t imagine what it will feel like to hear them.

Katniss covers her face. “I do, but I can’t,” she mumbles.

He isn’t sure he heard her correctly, but when he sits up to ask her for clarification, she is already standing up and walking away. He rushes after her, grabbing her hand. She stops mid-step and heaves, so he quickly takes her in his arms as the first sob breaks through. She clutches his shirt and he leans down to pick her up, carrying her back to the couch so they aren’t standing in the middle of all the crew lights. They’re still being watched, but at least it feels a little more private.

He sits down and keeps her on his lap, rocking her back and forth. He thought his head was spinning before but now it’s like it spun right off. He is so confused by everything she has said. Nothing makes sense. She looks just as heartbroken as he feels over the idea of her leaving tonight and Katniss is no actress. They did a drama class as one of the first group dates while they were still in LA and she was abysmal. Adorable, but absolutely terrible in a way that no one can fake. Katniss Everdeen will never win an Oscar, something Haymitch and Prim both reaffirmed when he visited her hometown, so he has a little hope left in him that maybe he can change her mind.

When her sobs quiet, her energy zapped as she rests her head against his shoulder, he kisses her temple.

“I’ll go as slow as you want me to go,” he says. “I will do whatever you want me to do. I’m all in. I just need to know that you’re willing to get there with me. Or to try.”

She sighs against his neck. “I’m not sure I’m capable of loving someone like that,” she whispers. “I’ve seen what it can do and I already feel so much for you that...I’m afraid...I’m afraid of what it would do to me.”

His body feels heavy all of a sudden, like it takes too much energy to even breathe. This is it. There is nothing else he can do or say to convince her. He never realized she had this aversion, this burden. How did he not see this? How did he never pick up on it before? Clearly, the other women saw it because he now knows Katniss is who they were warning him about - but how did they see it and he didn’t?

He closes his eyes. He was wearing rose-colored glasses. That’s how. He was in love. Or maybe not. Maybe he was infatuated. Whatever it was, it blinded him and it lead him here. The exact place he didn’t want to be.

In love with someone who couldn’t love him the way he loved her.

“You’ve made your decision,” he says. It’s not a question. She already mentioned Haymitch and the airport.

Katniss nods. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could let myself be what you wanted.”

He bites the inside of his cheek. He wants to say yeah, me too but even that seems worthless to say now. Nothing he can say or do can make him feel any better right now.

“Let me walk you out.”

He has walked a lot of women out at this point. Every rose ceremony, he has to say goodbye to someone - sometimes multiple someones - and more recently he has given them the opportunity to have him walk out to the transportation with them, allowing them the chance to get any type of closure they needed away from the prying eyes of the remaining contestants.

He has never felt this hollow walking someone out. He has never felt this broken. Maybe not even in his entire life.

They stop in front of the SUV and before he opens the door for her, they reach for each other. How is this happening? This has got to be some sort of nightmare.

She rests her forehead on his chest, right above the pounding of his heart. She can probably feel it.

“I’m sorry I was so selfish,” she murmurs, not lifting her head. “I should have sent myself home a long time ago. Then you could have found someone who isn’t...confused and...broken.”

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. She still doesn’t get it.

“Oh, Katniss,” he says with a dark chuckle. “It’s been you for a long time.”

He really can’t say this. They might actually fire him for it, but he doesn’t care. He wants her to know.

“Do you remember, back on the very first group date, when we all stopped to have lunch in the park?” She shakes her head against his chest. “Well, I do. There was this little girl who was staring at us all sitting there and you could tell she and her mother were homeless because they were carrying all their stuff and sitting on a bench.”

“Rue,” Katniss whispers into his shirt. “I remember now.”

“Yeah, Rue.” He closes his eyes and pulls up his memory, seeing it in his head as he retells it. “All the other girls were sitting with me, fighting each other for my attention, eating their lunches, not a care in the world. And I looked over and you were gone. I panicked for a second until I saw Pollux put his camera down and smile. So I followed his sight line and I saw you walk over and hand that little girl your lunch bucket and the book you brought for the bus ride. You sat and talked to her for the entire lunch break and that mom looked at you like you were the sun in the sky.”

He gives her a squeeze.

“I’m sorry if I didn’t make it apparent until we were out of the US how much I fell for you, but just know it’s been you for a while.”

Katniss pulls away, bloodshot eyes wide. “There were still, like, twenty-five girls at that point and it wasn’t like all the attention was on me.”

Peeta gives a sad grin.

“Yeah, there were a lot of girls left then and I noticed all of them. But none of them held a candle to you. They still don’t.” He shrugs. “From the very beginning, I knew I was going home with you or with no one.”

She runs her hands over her face as she backs away from him.

“I want you to know that I do care about you at lot. That wasn’t a lie,” she says. “I never wanted to break your heart.”

He nods and leans down, pressing a final kiss against her lips. It’s different from every kiss they’ve shared before - this one tasting of salt and despair.

“I know,” he says when he pulls away, hovering close so hopefully this stays between them. “If you ever change your mind...you know where to find me.”

She nods her head and reaches up on her tiptoes to kiss him again before turning her back. She is in the large black window-tinted SUV before Peeta can even register what happened.

Then she’s gone.

He watches as the gate opens and closes for the SUV, leaving Peeta alone with the crew either staring at him or trying not to look. He turns around and narrows in on Pollux and Cressida, who are among the group guiltily looking away, and crosses his arms.

“You knew and you didn’t tell me.”

Pollux holds his hands up and Cressida rushes to speak.

“It all happened so quickly. We didn’t realize until...until Haymitch came that she was considering leaving. I promise.”

“But he was flown in to stir the pot,” Peeta hisses. “You knew Katniss was the one for me and you triggered her.”

Cressida crosses her arms. “She wasn’t ready and, yes, we brought Haymitch in to see if we could get some good one liners, but Peeta, as your friend and not your producer, this was going to end this way whether or not it was tonight or after the finale. She wasn’t ready and you can’t change that.”

All he sees is white and his hands clench together in rage. He knows deep down that Cressida is right in a way, but that sits in the bottom of his gut, under the layers of hatred he has for this situation. Even if Katniss decided to stay, they still brought in Haymitch to stir up drama for him and Katniss. They wanted to script it for television. They wanted to make Haymitch their villain, the reason why he couldn’t propose to Katniss. They probably wanted Peeta to wait and propose to her on the episode ‘After the Final Rose’ that they air live after the finale to bring in the views.

They’ve tried to script everything. And he’s done.

He rips off his mic and chucks it in the direction of the producers.

“I’m done,” he tells them. “I quit.”

He hears someone call after him as he turns away but he doesn’t care. He feels used and stupid and heartbroken. He just wants to be alone, as far away from the show as he can get himself. He walks to the gate and finds it locked, probably some sound guy has the remote and has barricaded him in.

He looks for another escape route. Not finding one, he begins to climb the steel barricade, Cressida and a few others screaming behind him. Someone yells for someone else to call Caesar to set and that’s the last thing Peeta hears before he carefully avoids the decorative top of the fence and jumps to the ground.

Katniss is gone. He’s gone. The crew can make their own TV now.

…

I debated including the fence jump because this has definitely diverged from the whole nonsense that was this season’s big drama. Katniss is not Cassie and Peeta is not Colton, though that’s where the idea originated and there are similarities. Ultimately, I gave Peeta his own spin on it so it’s not really a jump and more of a climb. I just really liked the image I had in my head of Caesar running through the Portugal wilderness ala Chris Harrison too much to remove it haha.

I know it’s not singing that gets Peeta in this universe, but I drew on Katniss’s maternal instincts here instead. Hope that’s okay.

I listened to “Got It In You (Acoustic)” by BANNERS for the majority of the time I wrote this chapter. I imagine that when this episode airs in this universe, this is the song that would play when Katniss was walking out/the car was driving away and she had her little talk to the camera as she left (which wasn’t written here but may come later)/Peeta standing there watching the car drive away.

There’s probably one more part to this for an HEA and maybe an epilogue (I have an idea for former-Bachelor Finnick and his YouTube talk show but...maybe not. We’ll see if it works).

[recentanimenews]

The GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH Kicks Off With Episodes 1-5

Welcome to the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH! I'm Jared Clemons, and I'll be your host this week as we make our way through Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-. Last week, we answered our initial questions about the series, and this week we began episodes 1-5.

  Going into Re:ZERO, for the most part blind, made for some surprising moments in just these first five episodes alone. I wasn’t expecting Subaru to just switch worlds with seemingly nothing happening to him in his original world. Nor did I think constantly redoing periods of time would be a thing. Somehow, that aspect of the show completely passed me by when it was airing a few years ago. I’m not completely bought into Subaru as a hero quite yet. There’s something about him that just feels fake or off to me. Maybe that’s the point though. I’m sure I'll figure that out along with everyone else over the course of the next four weeks. Regardless, I’m interested to see where this whole thing goes and why this has the reputation it does. Gotta figure out who made Subaru turn into mush at the end of episode 5, which I have some theories about.

    Before we discuss these episodes, let's check out some questions and comments you had from our last installment!

  Acapo asks: “so how are these rewatch things decided? Do we vote somewhere? Or...”

  We came to a consensus together as the Features team. While taking suggestions from you guys wouldn’t be a bad idea, we have tentatively booked ourselves for the next two Rewatches, so it’ll be awhile before we could ask for ideas.

  MachaiArcanum asks: “So how exactly does this rewatch thing work exactly? This is the first time I’ve heard of it and I’m not sure what exactly is going on.”

  So, we are going to watch five episodes each week and you'll get to read the Features team's thoughts and opinions on that set of episodes. We welcome all of you to watch along with us and you can ask questions or give your comments about these episodes similarly to what we're doing. Plus, you can be featured in this segment of the Rewatch as well!

  Deatherz007 says: “Time for Subaru to suffer once more”

  Only a little bit.

    Now, let's see what the Crunchyroll Features team thought of this week's episodes!

  We kick things off with, depending on the version you’re watching, two episode ones or a longer episode one. Did this longer episode do a good job of introducing you to the world of Re:ZERO? Would you have liked it to have been shorter or cut down in specific spots?

  David: The only thing I would change is the cut in the middle being completely abrupt. You can imagine a commercial break there or something but having no transition at all makes it feel very odd.

  Austin: I wouldn’t say it introduces the world of Re:ZERO well so much as it introduces the slums and the characters well while making the capital feel as huge as it is. That said, I really like longer first episodes of anime since they’re great for setting the tone and almost always make me want to watch more right away.

  René: I’m with Austin on this. Longer episodes really give you that opportunity to establish a proper mood and mindset for a show that is way harder to accomplish with only 20 minutes. Whenever an anime serves me a double-length episode, it immediately piques my interest since it’s obviously something special if it gets this kind of production treatment.

  Kevin: It’s a bit hard for my to say, since this is my third or fourth time watching the show, so I already know a lot more about the world than I should. I’ll say that I like some of the worldbuilding that they hint at, like mentioning Satella and the Jealous Witch early on. As for stuff that could be cut down, I’ve always felt like while a bunch of stuff is repeated due to the time loope mechanic, very little is actually wasted, and speeding much of it up would make things fly by too quickly. 

  Carolyn: I thought the point of it was not so much to introduce the world but to set up the storytelling device of semi-time travel and constantly dying, which it did very well.

    Paul: I watched the Japanese version with English subtitles, and while I was initially lukewarm on the premise, I must admit that the first two episodes hooked me. From what I've seen, I think Re:ZERO works best when it's structured like a horror movie or a murder mystery, and these early episodes demonstrate a lot of that.

  Joshua: I think for the story Re:ZERO is trying to tell, and the emotional depth it’s trying to tell it with, a standard 25-ish minute introduction would have been nowhere near as effective. We had to learn not only of Return by Death, but the impact it has on Subaru, and there’s really only one way to do that (over and over again!). This hefty run-time even came without an explanation for Subaru being isekai’d! While Truck-kun won’t be getting a paycheck this time, and there was no other crazy reason like other shows in the genre, I actually respect how Re:ZERO skipped a convoluted set-up in favor of what actually matters right now. I felt that the double episode gave me a firm anchor on the characters and their feelings, which is a useful connection to make early on.

  Noelle: I think the setup was effective enough. I haven’t seen this show before, and I don’t know anything about it, but the first few episodes delivered enough information to get me interested, but not enough to give me all the answers, and that’s fine. I don’t think the world as a whole has been introduced, because it’s still filtered through our protag’s eyes, but we don’t need an opening history lesson in this case. 

  Danni: I thought it worked really well as a two-parter. It was a long, but effective, introduction to the world and Subaru’s predicament as a whole. It also managed to do so without any big exposition dumps, which I really appreciated. 

  Kara: Nothing felt wasted or overly long in that first episode. As others have said, there was a lot to set up, and going for the standard 22-minute runtime wouldn’t necessarily have allowed for enough room to lay things out adequately. I wasn’t checking the time at all, which is always my high sign for what feels decently paced.

    Subaru quickly learns that he is reliving time after getting killed. Since you may have known about this already, what did you think about how it was executed in these episodes? Was anime Groundhog Day what you were expecting and do you think it’s been explained well thus far?

  David: It takes him a few times in to figure it out, I was actually kind of surprised to realize how many times he went through it before he understood he was going through the same day over and over again. That said, I think it’s well explained because of how natural it comes to Subaru. The show literally starts with him realizing he has been isekai’d, but it takes him a while to realize he is reliving scenarios.

  Austin: “Quickly”, he says… Sarcasm aside, I think it was done well since it adds a kind of unique weight to everything. Sure, Subaru can die with relatively low risk, but I tense up every time he gets in a fight or near anything sharp and pointy since I really don’t want to see the poor guy have to suffer both another death and having to redo a section of time but this time figure out what he did wrong.

  René: The gruesomeness of his deaths are what really sells the memetic “suffering” part of this show. Yes, it may be of little consequence for him to die but the way his deaths are depicted just really shows you how painful it actually is and moves it away from just being a videogame-y element as in many other isekai shows.

  Kevin: Once Subaru finally realized his power, I looked down into the episode comments and saw “out of everything that has happened it’s the chips that make him realize what’s going on,” and that pretty much sums up Re:ZERO. The time loops make sense, and they keep happening in part because the main character is either too stupid or stubborn to stop dying. As for what I was expecting when I first watched the show, I remember quite appreciating how much Subaru tries to learn each time he dies, using past loops to influence how he acts in the current loop. He’s genre savvy enough to know that if he does things the exact same, then the same outcome will happen, but human enough that he can’t repeat things exactly, which then leads to different outcomes. The actual ability hasn’t really been explained yet, but it’s easy enough to get a grasp of how it works.

  Carolyn: I was trying to figure out if he actually died on what we would consider Earth? That seems pretty clear but it’s not totally cut and dry, I guess. If so, is he in Heaven/Purgatory/whathaveyou? I’m still kind of stuck on that.

    Paul: The mechanics of Subaru's “Return by Death” ability haven't been explained at all, although I have an inkling of how it works as a result of encountering some spoilers years ago. I think the series works best when it leans heavily on the dramatic irony, to the point where neither the audience nor the main character knows exactly what is going on. It's satisfying when something unexpected happens.

  Joshua: I really liked how Subaru didn’t twig it the first time, so we could join in his confusion as he tried to figure out exactly what was happening to him. It does make a little sad that some neat conversations are lost to everyone but Subaru though; like his chat with Old Man Rom. So I hope the series is able to counterbalance that loss of character development as it moves forward.

  René made a great point about the impacts of Subaru’s many deaths though. In fact, my Mum walked in on me watching one of them and called it “horrific”! It’d be easy for a show like this to lose all sense of any stakes if viewers become too comfortable with Subaru simply waking up at the last “save point”, but seeing the physical and emotional pain each death causes him, really makes me want to see him break the loops!

  Noelle: I wouldn’t call him keying in quick by any means, but then again, it takes people some time to process information, especially if it’s been after a traumatic experience. I don’t think the deaths themselves are that gruesome all things considering (I do watch a lot of horror), but they do a great job at showing Subaru’s terror. When you’re a kid with no combat experience, going up against very experienced enemies, that’s only inevitable…

  Danni: This is my first time watching it, but I actually didn’t realize it was a Groundhog Day situation until we started planning out this rewatch in the group chat. I think it worked about how you’d expect with him taking a few runs to really understand what was happening. Honestly the only thing in the premise I took issue with was how quickly he was on board with suddenly being summoned to a parallel world and a tiny bit put off by how self-aware he was of isekai tropes. 

  Kara: I literally had no idea. Time loops are one of my favorite narrative devices to see played with. If I’d known this was a major part of the concept of Re:ZERO I probably would have come to it of my own volition much sooner.

    Since we’re now 20% (yes, that does sound weird) of the way through Re:ZERO, give me your thoughts on Subaru as a protagonist so far. What do you like or dislike about him? Is his heroism heartfelt or insincere?

  David: So this is actually my favorite part about this show—Subaru’s “heroism” isn’t “heroic” as much as it is “altruistic”. He doesn’t do things because he expects rewards, but because his actions will help make the world around him better in some way. Emilia is the same, and their conversation on the bridge in the first episode highlights this.

  Austin: I really like Subaru at this point, and I think these early episodes do a good job of painting him as a sympathetic character. He’s seemingly selfless to a fault and just wants to make Emilia happy since in turn that’ll make him happy.

  René: These first few episodes do a great job divorcing Subaru from your run-of-the-mill isekai protagonist. Not only is there seemingly no actual reason for him to be isekai’d as he just randomly pops up, it also undermines every heroic deed he tries to accomplish almost immediately. It really drives home the fact that he is just your regular guy who doesn’t get to be The Chosen One simply because he came to this world.

  Kevin: Oh boy are we going to have a lot to talk about in a few weeks. For now, Subaru is goofy and driven and as a result is generally likable. At the same time, he clearly has no idea what to do to move forward, so is just fumbling around until something catches his eye. He’s basically like a lost puppy, so that helps to endear the audience and characters to him. His heroism is heartful, just misguided. He wants to help Emilia, but he has no actual reason to. 

  Carolyn: I immediately saw him as the Deadpool of Isekai. Deadpool knows he’s in a comic and all the tropes that come with it, Subaru knows all the tropes that come with this strange new land he’s in. I found that to be entertaining. As for his intentions, I think he’s been very straightforward about that. He’s sincere, but his motivations aren’t entirely noble. He will help others but does intend to get something out of it. He’s just honest about that.

    Paul: I like Subaru more than I expected to, although I don't know whether that's because he's well-written or because of the pathos evoked by his Job-like suffering. His biggest flaw seems to be that he keeps treating the world like a video game, and he doesn't realize that he is not the protagonist. Subaru also doesn't realize that his affection for Emilia is one-sided. He mistakes her basic empathy for romantic interest, and as someone who made the same mistake as a dumb teenager, I can only see that ending poorly.

  Joshua: I’m honestly not sure how to read Subaru. Puck keeps on saying he has no ill-intent, yet he’s usually the first to make some off-handed weird comments. He’s definitely complex, and I wouldn’t mind this becoming a recurring question each week! For now, I’d say he’s earnest but his constant self-deprecation will make others see him in a worse light. He can also be a bit too cocky at times, like his meeting with Roswaal. So I’d like to see him gain a bit more respect for others not called Emilia, and himself.

  Noelle: I’m on the fence. Subaru is by no means a bad kid, he’s nice and he sticks his neck out for other people, and he is kind deep down. At the same time, there’s a profound sense of entitlement to him, for he doesn’t seem to realize that he’s dealing with people with lives of their own, not characters. He also expects the world to revolve around him because he’s supposed to be special, and that’s pretty yikes. 

  Danni: I like him more than I thought I would, but not as much as I probably should. The fact he knows what isekai is and essentially that he’s the protagonist of an isekai anime is pretty grating. I like him more when he’s being himself than when he’s trying to be a protagonist. 

  Kara: I kind of agree with, like, literally everyone in the show that Subaru is not terribly ambitious, and I’m kind of wondering what the hell he’s been through. His “skeevy” comments don’t seem skeevy to me so much as an attempt to assume a role he thinks he’s accepted to fill. Also, he hasn’t once displayed any sort of concern about going home or missing anyone or anything from the “real” world. More than anything, I’m curious what he’s been through to the point that he’s downplaying himself so much and basically pretends his previous life doesn’t exist.

    The last two episodes of this initial set sees Subaru taken to the Roswaal mansion and beginning work there. Here, we learn a bit more about the state of the world Subaru has been summoned to and meet Rem, Ram, Beatrice, and Roswaal along with Emilia. What were your initial impressions of this cast of characters and Subaru’s interactions with them?

  David: Roswaal is the teacher in Isekai Quartet, and I forgot he was even a character in this show, so I keep hearing him and associating it more with Isekai Quartet than this show. Beatrice is great.

  Austin: When I first watched this show I saw every character sans for Emilia as kind of distant and suspicious. Now that I’m rewatching it, I realise that they all have a very good reason for being this way; one thing I really like that I noticed now that I’m rewatching is that Beatrice seems much more aware of Subaru’s situation and current death loop than he is. Also, Emilia is still as wonderful as I remember her being.

  René: The Roswaal mansion arc is what really lays the groundwork for what the show is all about for me: This isn’t a world that revolves around the protagonist but one in which he must find his place and the distant and mysterious nature of the mansion inhabitants really drives that fact home. Since we are almost exclusively kept within Subaru’s POV, it really is up to the viewer to piece together the mystery of why he is dying again. We don’t yet understand the new characters and there isn’t an obvious threat like Elsa. It’s basically a murder mystery in which the victim is also the detective.

  Also, I have to second Austin’s sentiment: Emilia truly is wonderful!

  Kevin: Pretty much what Subaru said. Oh, it’s Emilia, the twin maids, red one and blue one, and a drill loli that clearly isn’t human. Also, Roswaal, but I got that before Subaru. As for his interactions, I really like that Rem and Ram are differentiated, even this early on, and that everyone is going about their own schedules, since they actually have lives outside of tending to Subaru. Roswaal is the only one that doesn’t really get much development, and even he finds a scene or two to talk with Subaru and generally show that there is more going on than we know about.

  Carolyn: At first I didn’t like them at all. They are all very odd with a bizarre manner of speaking and behaving and I couldn’t figure it out. But after the reveals that not everything is exactly what it seems in the castle it started to make more sense and now I’m very interested in finding out what they are actually up to.

    Paul: It's fine as far as world-building goes. I appreciate that they don't dwell too much on the lore, because often those are the least interesting elements of the early set-up of an isekai story, and here we get the impression that the world is much bigger and more conflicted than Subaru fully comprehends.

  Joshua: Roswaal is just fabulous. I’ve been watching the series in Japanese, and Koyasu Takehito’s voice alone is a scene stealer. This being my first rewatch of the show in years, I was actually taken aback by how cold Rem was here, and I really appreciated Ram’s dry humor a lot more (like that sly comment about Subaru’s “sorry thing”). I can see the twins talking in unison getting very annoying very fast though, so luckily that was kept to a minimum!

  Thinking about it, Subaru and Emilia are a bit alike, aren’t they? Both have selfless qualities that they try and cover with more selfish pretenses, so I can definitely see why they’ve developed chemistry. While she can seem warm and inviting, that occasional cold glare of Emilia’s is genuinely unsettling though. It makes me wonder what kind of person she really is. Beatrice is precious though. I’d like her to guard my manga collection with that baby cactus attitude of hers!

  Noelle: I think the mansion gives us a little slice of the world at large, but isn’t enough to be overwhelming. We really don’t need to know everything after all, just enough to situate us in the situation that Subaru is currently in. I think it’s a little too early for me to gauge the mansion characters, but they’re all a pretty interesting cast. Roswaal especially. 

  Danni: None of the girls so far seem to match up to how I thought they’d be, or how they come across in all the art of them I’ve seen. I kind of expected a bunch of meek pushovers—particularly Rem and Emilia—but they all have some endearing bite to them. I especially like the antagonistic rapport between Beatrice and Subaru with both of them getting the better of each other. It’s a lot of fun watching this cast interact. 

  Kara: I’m so glad to have some good old-fashioned Koyasu madness back in my anime with Roswaal. Emilia is lovely, but Ram is still my favorite of the girls so far despite everything she seems spring-loaded to do over the course of the show. I can, uh, absolutely see why Rem is such a fave and it doesn’t do much for me. If that makes sense.

    We wrap things up with the gore factor getting ramped up and poor Subaru having to give up an arm and an eye amongst other parts to figure out why he’s going to barf city. Since this was a cliffhanger for our first group of episodes, what’s your initial theory on who this mysterious attacker could have been? (For those of you that aren’t new, if you can remember, tell me what you initially thought of this or just give me your wildest theory possible.)

  David: My first thought was Roswaal. Seems suspicious.

  Austin: I’m in a troublesome spot right now since I remember why he died the first loop and who killed him the second loop, but I don’t remember exactly why they did and it’s bothering me… The first time I watched it I thought Elsa had hired someone to go kill Subaru; not sure if I would have liked it more if that was the case or if what’s really going on remained in place.

  René: The first time watching it to this point, I actually suspected Puck. Since Knox’s 1st Commandment forbids introducing the culprit later on and I couldn’t yet deduct any possible motive for the mansion residents, Puck seemed the most likely. His fondness for and protectiveness of Emilia had already been established and jealousy would’ve made for a possible motive since Subaru started getting closer and closer to Emilia, forcing himself into her life to the point of becoming her servant.

  Kevin: It’s Beatrice. She has the power to connect the library to any door in the mansion, and so can get around without any issues; and clearly has at least enough power to throw someone out of a room without any effort, so more lethal attacks are almost certainly possible. Subaru was also acting very strange in the second mansion loop, as we saw in a couple of cutaways. Since we already know that Roswaal was wondering if he was a spy, that could be enough for him to enlist Beatrice to kill Subaru in his sleep. The first time, Subaru didn’t know to resist, while the second time he fought her magic, so she either used a more lethal attack or enlisted the other mansion staff to assist her. She attacked during the first loop, when Roswaal knew that Subaru was unlikely to be a spy, because of how much he annoyed her. The only way to progress the loop is for Subaru to tell everyone about his power, which calls Beatrice off because she knows at that point that it would be useless to attack him. 

  Carolyn: The first time he died in his sleep he was poisoned, but he was asleep so he didn’t vomit. Whoever did that (I suspect Ram, she claims to be a bad cook but is skilled with the knife so she isn’t that bad and that could be cover for her poisoning his food) poisoned him again the second loop but because he wouldn’t let himself sleep he felt more of the effects of it and vomited. He could also have built up a little bit of a resistance to it the second time around. Either way, I think the results of those two things are the same. I do not think whoever poisoned him killed/dismembered him in the second loop. That was someone different who saw an opportunity and took it. 

    Paul: Unfortunately, this is a detail that was spoiled for me long ago, so although I know who the culprit is, I don't know why they are behaving in such a brutal and murderous manner.

  Joshua: Having already watched the series, I know who, but I genuinely had no idea on my first viewing. Rather than thinking too much about it, back then I just went along with the ride.

  As I can't offer a serious guess though, I’ll just make a joke about whether Rem’s really as good a cook as she claims, and it was just a really bad reaction to off-chicken or something. Feeling really cold, vomiting… sounds like bad food poisoning to me.

  Noelle: I admit, I’m really not sure. It has to be one of the characters introduced so far, it can’t be a random stranger we haven’t seen. The problem is that I can’t quite figure out the killer’s motive. Subaru is seen as suspicious, and it’s been made clear that he hasn’t earned trust just yet, but that doesn’t seem to be a reason to kill him (at the moment). There’s a who but also a why.

  Danni: It’s definitely Ram. I have no idea if it actually is or why I think so, but it’s definitely Ram. 

  Kara: I haven’t got the first clue, but I want it to be Rem just so there can be something about her that interests me.

    Let’s continue our final question tradition with the Rewatch. Give me your highs and lows for episodes 1-5.

  David: High is the conversation between Subaru and Emilia on the bridge. That’s the thesis of the whole show I think. Low point is when Subaru almost died on the last go around of the initial day. I thought he might die and absolutely didn’t want to have to sit through that same day again.

  Austin: One of my favourite scenes in the whole show is when Subaru asks Emilia her name after the fight with Elsa. Something about the delivery of Subaru’s lines and Emilia’s little laugh before her answer makes me feel so bubbly inside. Seeing exactly why Felt gets taken away by Reinhard was also a nice connecting of dots in my head. As for lows, I don’t think I’ve really hit anything notable yet; these first episodes are really strong in my opinion.

  René: My high in these first few episodes is definitely the set-up around the mystery of Emilia posing as Satella in the first loop and the first meet-up between the Subaru with her in the second one. I just adore the shots with them being reflected in each other’s eyes and how it calls into question their perception of each other (I would heavily recommend this interview with the show’s director on this scene—do beware of SPOILERS for later episodes, though).

  And since I can’t think of a low point, I’ll just sneak in a second highlight: Takehito Koyasu’s performance as Roswaal is just deliciously exaggerated. He’s already legendary for voicing Dio Brando but the way he sings every line is just pure joy to listen to.

  Kevin: High - Subaru thinking about how he was going to die the second time, and then realizing that he was going to fight anyway. Myself and many other people joked during the series that Subaru was going to start carrying a bomb or something so that every time he messed anything up, he could just Return by Death to redo any mistake. This is a great moment though, because it both gives a reason why he won’t do that and is also extremely relatable. Even if you knew that you would come back to life, dying isn’t fun, so you’d want to avoid it if at all possible, which is exactly the conclusion that Subaru comes to. 

  Low - Elsa’s final attack. Subaru is clearly moving around, standing up straight, and generally doing a lot of things that use at least a few core muscles, and nothing happens. But when it’s convenient, it turns out that the attack went straight through the club, his clothes, and his stomach, when the club previous stopped all of her attacks and there was nothing supporting Subaru’s track suit or shirt. 

    Carolyn: High points, just the mystery and twists that have been unfolding so far. I like all the suspense around the people at the mansion. Also the line about not knowing what Subaru is talking about but that it’s stupid and that’s disappointing. That was pretty great. Low point, I’m not sure I have one but I could definitely do with more of the cat.

  Paul: My high point was Subaru awakening, noticing the lack of scars on his hands, and realizing he'd somehow died in his sleep and reset the time-line. That was a chef's kiss perfect cliffhanger to end an episode upon. My low point is that it takes Subaru a few lives too many to realize he's resetting from a save point. Anyone who brags about playing video games all day like Subaru does should have picked up on that detail by the third life, tops.

  Joshua: Subaru and Emilia doing aerobics in the garden is a definite high point, that makes me think back to the equally adorable scene with Ema in Shirobako. I also really appreciated how the series even humanises characters like Rom, instead of taking the easy route and making him a one-note shady dealer. Despite his hulking appearance, he genuinely seems like a decent guy who just got the wrong stick (or club) in life. The music is also great—that kind of eerie ringing when disturbing shenanigans are afoot is so effective at capturing the mood, and won’t leave my head.

  As for low points, how many times did we need to see that initial mugging attempt? I liked how the show always found a new absurd comment of Subaru’s for the trio to react to, but I hope the series balances just how many times certain scenarios are reset. Subaru’s exaggerated statements can also be a bit awkward, so I’m glad the rest of the cast react like I do.

  Noelle: High point: the mystery! I want to know why the time loop is happening, what’s the driving force for all of this, why Subaru in particular. We don’t really have any clear answers, and it’s the main point of the story. Tell me the answers! Low point is that Subaru takes a really long time to realize that he’s in a time loop. Isn’t he supposed to be really familiar with games? It makes sense realistically speaking but for a story, it drags a little. 

  Danni: Hard to think of a singular high point because I loved the heck out of this batch of episodes. I guess I gotta go with any time Beatrice is on screen. I love her so much. Low point is tough as well, but I have to give it to Subaru’s immediate acceptance of his new isekai life. 

  Kara: Gotta agree, the high point was Subaru waking up without the scars. That was so well played, and I loved seeing that the audience was being trusted to let the revelation hit us as it hit him. Good visual storytelling, would watch again. Honorable mention to Roswaal’s crazy voice. I thought they were playing it up in Isekai Quartet but no, that’s just how he is. Low point is I’m pretty sure Subaru and Emilia are never gonna go on this date and that makes me sad.

    COUNTERS:

Ram calling Subaru “Barusu”: 10

Subaru death count: 5

Different ways Subaru has died: Disembowelment, Disembowelment, Stabbing, Unknown, Combination (Unknown+Dismemberment)

  And that's everything for this week! Remember that you're always welcome to join us for this rewatch, especially if you haven't watched Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- yet!

  Here's our upcoming schedule!

  -Next week, on September 27th, Kara continues the Rewatch with episodes 6-10

-Then, on October 4th, Carolyn takes us past the halfway mark with episodes 11-15

  Thank you for joining us for the Great Crunchyroll Re:ZERO Rewatch! Have a great weekend, and we'll see you all next time!

    CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH:

Re:ZERO Introduction Questions

  Have anything to say about our thoughts on the episodes watched? Let us know in the comments! Don't forget, we're also accepting questions and comments for next week, so don't be shy and feel free to ask away!

---

Jared Clemons is a writer and podcaster for Seasonal Anime Checkup where he can be found always wanting to talk about Love Live! Sunshine!! or whatever else he's into at the moment. He can be found on Twitter @ragbag.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[see-jess-write]

Baby Makes 3

Tagging: Chloe & Sam Lynn ( @evansrp ) When: July 3, 2019 Where: Cavendish and then the hospital Notes: They have their baby! 

Chloe

"Sam!" Chloe called out from the bedroom. "Did I leave my foot bath out there?" Her feet hurt, my God did they hurt, and the thought of walking at this point didn't appeal to her at all. The due date, which is tomorrow, came by so fast that it made Chloe wonder why their first pregnancy felt like it lasted years. "And do you think you can make me some tea?" She sat back and sighed. Her body hurt, the heartburn which shouldn't have lingered around this much, drove her nuts and she couldn't wait to just have her body go back to normal. Or as close to it as it could after having their little girl.

Sam 

"Yes, darlin," Sam called from the kitchen. "To both of those things." He turned the Keurig on to heat the water and went to go set up her foot bath for her. He was pretty sure she loved that thing more than him at this point.

Chloe 

Chloe tried to find a comfortable spot but it wasn’t happening. She moved here and there, a pillow which helped a lot a couple months ago did hardly anything other than annoy her. She threw it on the floor. Her laptop dinged and notified she received an e-mail from the realtor congratulating them on finally closing on the house. As much as she wanted to be in there by now she had to exercise some patience to not start a move soon. Though, “When should we schedule those movers?” She called out. She’d been stuck on bedrest for a few weeks and was feeling antsy, very much in need to do something.

Sam 

Sam came in with the foot bath and began to set it up on the floor. "Whenever you want, darlin. You just tell me what I need to do and I'm on board."

Chloe 

She moved slowly, which would have been comical to an outsider, because with this pregnancy it made it larger than the one before. Chloe didn’t know if this was due to constant cravings or what but she felt huge and unattractive and swollen and just tired. Very, very tired. She moved to the edge of the bed and hung her feet over. “I just know whenever it is I won’t be able to help with anything. And you know how I looked forward to arranging all the furniture and decor in the house.” She pouted.

Sam 

He smiled. "If they do it wrong, then you can redo it to your liking when you're feeling more up to it," he assured her.

Chloe 

“Always so practical when it comes to things.” She moved more to the edge but her feet didn’t quite reach the floor and Chloe knew it’d be impossible to actually soak her feet from there. “I won’t be able to reach it.” She whined.

Sam 

Sam grinned and kissed her cheek. "I'll go bring in a chair." He went to go do just that.

Chloe 

Her hand went to her stomach and laid there. Chloe lifted her shirt up to uncover the bump. She was scared. This little one is to make her big debut in the next day or so but she didn’t feel anything. Wasn’t she supposed to start feeling changes to at least tell her the birth was getting close? Jacob’s was so fast and scary and she didn’t know if it was to be the same this time around. God...she hopes not. That was too much and too painful.

Sam 

Sam came back with the chair and immediately noticed the look on her face. "Everything all right?"

Chloe 

“She’s due tomorrow and I know that I should be feeling something, like the baby getting ready to be born. I didn’t have that with Jacob so I don’t know if it’s going to be another sudden thing or maybe she’s taking her time?”

Sam 

Sam put his hand on her stomach. "She'll let us know when she's ready," he said. He smiled. "She just wants you all to herself for awhile longer."

Chloe 

Chloe shook her head. “Oh, no. No, no, no. She better get out soon because I’m tired of carrying her around. Not even I get carried around everywhere. Which I wouldn’t mind.”

Sam 

Sam laughed. "You might have met your match, darlin. This one is even more spoiled than you."

Chloe 

Chloe's face scrunch and a head shake followed but as much as she wanted to argue that she knew it was pointless. With the both of them as parents she knew they'd have a spoiled little princess in no time. "You just have to remember I'm still your princess, okay." Her voice sounded so pitiful and she felt emotional over the whole thing that it actually caused her to tear up.  "Ugh! I'm tired of all of this, Sam. It feels like I'm never giving birth. She'll probably be a couple weeks late and we still won't be in our new hours."

Sam 

Uh oh. The waterworks. "Hey, hey, come on now," he said, going to her side and holding her. "It's not forever. And it's all good things, darlin. Our baby. New house. This is nothing."

Chloe 

When Sam went next to her Chloe didn’t look at him. Her crying felt ridiculous at this point because everything set it off. “I know. I should look at the positives and be happy. You’re Domme is tired. And cranky. And achy. And just ready to have her old body back and for our daughter to be here.” The foot bath was on a chair now and she managed to get one door in.

Sam 

Sam kisses her temple. “Well after your foot bath, how about you take a nap and just rest?”

Chloe 

“That does sound good.” She raised the other foot and accidentally sloshed water onto the floor. Dagny immediately came by to inspect. “You’ll be such a great dad. You have a lot of practice with me. And with Stacey and Stevie. I’ve only had Guinea pigs mostly. You take care of Dag and Ruby hardly needs anything from us.” The cat sleep on the back of the sofa most of the day and ran around at night, which was annoying for awhile. She wished Stefan would come and get her sometimes.

Sam 

Sam chuckled and went to get something to clean up the water. “Well for the record, I think you’re gonna be an amazing mom. I think you already are.”

Chloe 

She couldn’t get comfortable and her lower back pain was really becoming an issue. Chloe tried to laugh at what Sam said, but was in the middle of shifting while on the bed and keeping her feet in water. “How am I already an amazing mom?”

Sam 

"Because you're taking care of yourself, which takes care of our baby girl, making sure everything for her is safe and ready for when she gets here." He smiled at her.

Chloe 

"Always so sweet to me," she rubbed at her lower back while her feet started to feel less achey but she knew that it wouldn't be long until she'd start to feel it again in awhile. "I want our little girl to be healthy. Which has sucked for me because I hate bed rest." Her fingers continued to knead into her back and Chloe sighed. "We keep calling her daughter or little one. We still haven't decided on a name." She'd been worried to name her, finding a lot of things that people have fun with when it comes to having a baby as possible bad signs. That with how things went with Jacob that it could be the same for their little girl. But maybe with coming up with a name wouldn't be so bad.

Sam 

Sam shook his head and got behind her so he could take over rubbing her back. "We haven't. You want to come up with some possibilities at least?"

Chloe 

That felt better and her hand moved to help ease another ache but there wasn’t much she could do when it came to her pelvic area as she knew that was due to their daughter. “Possibilities work. We can’t just put Girl or Niña on the birth certificate.” She sighed, enjoying his touch. “How about Kyra?  Ellie? Bella? Wait. No on that one unless you want people bringing up Twilight when they learn her name.”

Sam 

Sam frowned as he rubbed her back. “No. None of those feel . . . Right.”

Chloe 

“Okay,” she tried to look at him but it meant moving and she found a position that helped ease some of the aches so she just settled on his knee. “Are there names you like? That might feel right?”

Sam 

He shook his head, but remembered she couldn't see. "Nothing comes to mind," he said and then grinned. "Super helpful, I know."

Chloe 

“What if we call her Samantha?” Chloe smiled and kept going. “She can be a Sammy Jr.” There was no way she’d actually call her that but it didn’t mean she wasn’t going to have fun. “Ugh. I’m sort of comfortable and need to really pee again.” She said as she stared at her submerged feet. “I don’t want to get up.”

Sam 

Sam laughed at the suggestion. "We're not doing that to her." He laughed again. "And I can't help you with the peeing thing. That's on you, darlin."

Chloe 

“If I wasn’t the size of the bed you’d probably offer to carry me to the bathroom at least.” She said as one wet foot after the other went to the carpet. Chloe groaned as she went to the edge of the bed and started to waddle walk her way to the bathroom. There was so much pain in her body by this point and she didn’t know if this was normal or not since she didn’t get this far in her pregnancy with Jacob. “Why do I feel like we’ll pick a name before we’re discharged?” The bathroom light flipped on and Chloe’s hand went to the counter. This was the first time in some days when she’s actually looked at her reflection. Her belly looked different. Lower. How had she not noticed the shift when she was in bed? Yes, there was movement but she didn’t realize it was this. Maybe the whole having the baby weeks from now was a bit dramatic. And it was as if the thought triggered something because there was a rush of witness down her leg and Chloe’s eyes widen. “Shit.” She tried to look down but couldn’t see anything with her large stomach in the way. “Sam. I don’t know if I wet myself or if my water broke.”

Sam 

Sam had been in the middle of wiping up the wet from her feet when her words made him go completely still. He wasn't even sure if his heart was beating properly anymore. Water broke. Water broke meant baby. Now?! "Are you sure?" he asked stupidly.

Chloe 

Both hands were on the counter now and Chloe tried to remember what to do, we If feeling that wetness completely wiped out everything she’d read about labor. “I-I-“She breathed out and tried to figure out if she’d been in labor and didn’t even know? She felt pressure in her lower back and pelvic area but it wasn’t like a cramp...”what time is it?” 

Sam 

Time? What did the time have to do with anything? Sam pulled his phone out of his jeans with shaky fingers. "4:44," he answered.

Chloe 

"Okay..." she said, a hand on her stomach. Chloe moved from her spot and went to the door. "I can't tell if I'm in labor or not. I mean. I should be able to tell. Everything I've read said there's cramping, like period cramps, but I haven't felt that. Just a lot of painful pressure on my lower back and here." She motioned around her pelvic area." Chloe took a couple slow steps to the dresser. "I need to change." Then, "I need to call the doctor and let her know what's happening."

Sam 

Sam nodded. "Right. Right we can do that. Okay, here's your phone. I'll get you some clean clothes. Okay? Okay ." He got to work.

Chloe 

Immediate panic threatened to surface and the grip on Chloe's phone tightened. What if something's wrong? They baby's due the next day but what if her not feeling labor pains right now was a sign that things weren't okay? She kept on her feet, against the wall to keep balanced, and dialed her doctor. They didn't answer but she dialed the number provided on the machine and started to speak with a nurse. Chloe nodded and listened to everything she as told and she hung the phone up. "She told me not to panic but that we should head to the hospital."

Sam 

Sam nodded. "Yup, agreed. You want me to order the Uber?" Sam still couldn't drive and they had agreed to this plan when she went into labor.

Chloe 

Chloe waited for clean clothes and wondered if now would be a good time to shower....? She didn't know what to do and the panic she was told not to feel was trying to creep into her mind. "Go ahead and order it while I try to wash." Her hand was shaking and it went to her stomach, as if to soothe their daughter. She didn't know what was happening or if their little one could sense her struggling to not freak out.

Sam 

Wash? "I think you'll be fine if you just change. I just want to get to the hospital as soon as we can so they can tell us the next steps, you know?" He smiled at her. "Maybe they'll tell you to wash there."

Chloe 

A frown followed as soon as he said this and it was as if she felt the need to shower now more than ever. The phone remained in her hand and at last she sighed. "Fine. I'll only change." She opened the Uber app and held the phone out for him to take. "Hopefully the driver won't take too long getting here. I can't move too fast." Which she proved as she returned to the bathroom in such a slow pace.

Sam 

"Take your time, darlin. You need help? We'll start heading outside as soon as I put the request in," he informed her, trying not to think at the big picture and just focus on one step at a time.

Chloe 

"I do." she said at last, trying to pull push her pants down. Everything felt wet between her thighs and she wished to at least wipe down with a wag to clean the skin some. Anything's better than waiting... "I'm scared. I'm scared and nervous. We knew this day was to come but what if we're just not meant to have kids? What if something goes wrong like last time?" Chloe had such a hard time moving past that. It was too late now. Their daughter was coming no matter what.

Sam 

Sam began to help her get her soaked bottoms off, but then he paused and looked up at her. "Chloe," he said in a soft, pleading voice. "Chloe, please don't say that. Please?" He knew she was scared, but now she was scaring him too.

Chloe 

Her lips pressed together and she tried to keep her thoughts to herself. When she looked down at Sam and move to get one bare foot free from the pants. Then the next, her eyes closed and Chloe tried to remember some meditative techniques to keep from diving head first into the fear. She breathed in and out of her mouth a few times and sighed. "I'm sorry, amor. I know I shouldn't think that way." Emotions  were on the brink of cracking and she pried her eyes away from him and focused on her stomach, trying to find some level of calm in the midst of all of this.

Sam 

Sam moves closer and gently hugged her around the middle, resting his head on her stomach. “It’ll be okay,” he said in a small voice. He needed to hear her say that. He needed assurance from his Domme.

Chloe 

When Sam's chin went to her stomach, the hand she had there slid to the side and went into his hair. They've been through so much. So, so much and she hated that there was that worry in his eyes that wasn't there before she opened her mouth. Chloe's eyes closed again and she tried not to think too much about the pain she felt in her body. How there was that voice which invaded her thoughts throughout this pregnancy. Chloe swallowed, a clicking sound followed, and she took in a breath and nodded. Her eyes opened and repeated his words, "It'll be okay." Her fingers combed through is hair. "Can you at least wipe my inner thighs and calves with a wet towel. I know I can't shower but I need to not feel too gross around there." She couldn't let it go. But it was better to focus on that than things going wrong.

Sam 

“Of course,” Sam said. He hadn’t suggested she not dry off, just not a full shower. He grabbed a towel and began cleaning her up, happy she seemed more calm. It calmed him too.

Chloe 

Sam was between her legs, cleaning her up. If this was any other day she’d joke and say he should go down on her while on his knees but this wasn’t the time and as she looked at her reflection, feeling the painful pressure increase, Chloe grimaced and bent over slightly. “Fuck,” her fingers curled at the counter. “Where’s my phone? We need to start a timer.” She pushed out through the pain. As much as it hurt it made her feel better to know that that was the sign she needed to know she’s in labor for certain.

Sam 

Sam dropped the towel and pulled out the phone to get the timer up. "Breathe through it, darlin," he said, going to take her hand. "Just like they said in class."

Chloe 

She knew what to do but with breaking her water and the contractions and not living close to a hospital it made Chloe’s memory wipe itself clean. She looked at her love and nodded slowly with her eyes closed as she started to breathe. “Is it too late to not go through with any of this?” She asked as her fingers uncurled and she looked at the door. There was still lingering pain but it wasn’t as intense.

Sam 

Sam actually smiled. "I think she's coming whether we're ready or not." He finished cleaning her up. "What about Gia?"

Chloe 

She didn’t expect for the baby name talk to continue and Chloe moved slowly from where she stood, still without pants. Should she even bother with pants? A dress would be better. “I can’t say I’ve ever met a Gia. I think there is a movie with that name.” When she reached the closet the light flipped on and Chloe worked at removing her top. “Gia. Gia Lynn.” She picked a random dress, for the first time not caring what she put on, and turned to leave the closet. “How does that sound to you?”

Sam 

"It's cute," he said, hefting the hospital bag on his shoulder as he finishing putting in the request for their Uber. "And it means God's gracious gift."

Chloe 

“I just thought it was some shortened name for some. Like...” she was about to say Regina but it wasn’t the same. The dress pulled down over her body and Chloe wrestled with it until it didn’t feel like it was bunched atop of her stomach. “We can put it on the list. The one name on the list so far.” Chloe went to her love, half expecting another contraction to hit out of nowhere. “Ready?”

Sam 

He nodded. "Yeah. Uber should be here soon. "Come on. Lean on me as much as you need to, okay?"

Chloe 

Chloe loves any excuse to have Sam’s arm around her and as she worked her way to his side she kissed Sam’s arm. “This is only the start of what’s to come with the whole birth and I’m so nervous. And I’m trying hard not to be scared. I can’t help feeling it.”

Sam 

"You're the strongest person I know," he told her. "And it's all going to go fine and great." He tried to be brave for her, but it scared him when Chloe was scared.

Chloe 

Chloe’s cheek went to Sam’s arm, trying to find that strength he saw in her. Why was this so hard? Women have babies all this time. Even women who’ve gone through what she did. Her doctor assured her everything with their little girl looked fine. That she was healthy and yes, he suggested bed rest. Which she hated because it made her feel lazy and huge. By God did she put more weight on than her other pregnancy. They reached the outside and Chloe knew their Uber will be there soon. To think there was a time they’d have to rely on a cab service or getting a friend to drive them. “I like Gia.” She said, it being the first thing out of her mouth since they were in their room. “It’s a name that makes you smile.”

Sam 

Sam looked at her. “Do you?” He said as they waited under the stars. He had just thrown the name out there as a distraction.

Chloe 

There was impatience with the fact the car wasn’t there and Chloe was about to ask to see Sam’s phone just to check how long the car will be. “It’s unique. Just like how you picked Dag’s name. I can’t imagine she’ll have another Gia around. I remember once there was this other Chloe and it drove me crazy.”

Sam 

Sam worried his bottom lip. "Does that bother you at all? That I came up with both names?"

Chloe

At last a car came into view and Chloe hoped it was for them. “No. Not at all. You came up with unique names. If I had my way with them I would have picked Sweetie or something for Dag and Hope for our daughter. I like yours better.”

Sam

Sam laughed. “Sweetie?” He repeated.

Chloe

“See. Not at all creative when it comes to names. I even had to get help with Hammy’s name when I got him.” The car neared them. “Thank God. I want to be at the hospital and in a room and have plenty of time for an epidural.” After the pain with Jacob she could never do that again.

Sam 

Sam smiled and helped her into the car. He told the driver what was going on and said he would tip him big if he stepped on it (but safely).

Chloe 

In the middle of the drive another contraction hit and Chloe’s hold on Sam’s hand tightened. Her face turned to bury into the crook of his neck. How could women put themselves through this? And this was only the start! “Can I black out the next however long this goes for?” She asked into his skin.

Sam 

Sam held onto her hand, letting her squeeze as hard as she needed to. "You're doing amazing, darlin. Just keep breathing. We're almost there." Right?

Chloe 

The Uber driver didn’t know he was picking up some pregnant chick and he kept thinking about the back of his mom’s car. She was agains this whole thing but he managed to talk her into the idea and now his first customer might be having a baby in here if they got stuck in traffic or he had a flat. He also didn’t know a thing when it came to childbirth but it always looked like women had kids so fast. “Yeah, yeah. Almost there. If you think twenty minutes is almost there.” He kept stealing glances at them through the rear view. “I have water if you need any.” He offered one because he didn’t have space for them in the back. “Chloe breathed out her mouth, following the method she was taught and shook her head at the water offer. “How far are the contractions?” This was the second one and it must have been about fifteen? Twenty minutes? Was it five minutes when she was close enough to have her? “Do you have my parents’ number? Stefan’s? And we should let Stevie and Sierra know.” She paused. What if things went wrong again? Then all of their family will know about it...

Sam 

"18 minutes," Sam told her confidently, looking at his phone and pulling up his texts. "I'm gonna text everyone right now, darlin." He actually had no idea where his brother was. He had just said he and Sierra had gotten in the car and not come back to the hotel.

Chloe 

The kid behind the wheel took the water back. And fidgeted with the a/c to put it more on them. He felt the need to do more but he kept with the driving part because that’s what they’re paying him to do. “That sounds good, amor.” Eighteen minutes and a twenty minute ride. They’ll be another contraction before they get to the hospital. At this point they hurt but they didn’t last long so it was a type of warm up to what the rest of it will be. Chloe’s heart raced and she felt sweaty even with the cool air on her. “Do you think your parents will want to fly here?”

Sam 

Sam hesitated. He didn't know. "I'll . . . text them." He couldn't focus on his parents right now, just on his own child about to come.

Chloe 

Chloe’s hand remained on her stomach, doing her best to not allow fear to overtake her like before. Her other hand went to her love’s cheek and cupped it. “At least they’ll know they’ll be grandparents soon.” She offered as a way to hopefully make things easier in some way.

Sam 

That made him smile. "Yeah." And his brother would be an uncle and his sister would be an aunt. And he was going to be a father. A father. Wow . . .

Chloe 

Chloe was in the middle of getting out of the car right when the next contraction hit. Her hand was on the side of the door and she had to lean all her weight on it as she tried to ride out the pain. Chloe breathed hard out of her mouth and tried to will the pain away. This one hurt more than the other two. She wasn’t even aware she made a noise during the contraction. “God...” She panted.

Sam 

Sam came to her side. "I know, darlin," he said. "I know. You want me to run in and get someone  or you want me to stay with you until the contraction is over?"

Chloe 

Her hand reached for his and kept Sam glued to her side. “Stay.” She said as she finally started to feel able to straighten up from her slightly bowed position. Her hold on the door loosened and Chloe looked at him. “I’m glad we are doing this early and not when they are a few mins apart

Sam 

Sam nodded. "You're right. See? We're prepared and here and everything is going to be okay." He stroked back her short hair. "Can you walk, darlin?"

Chloe 

“Yes.” She answered before trying her first step since the contraction. Chloe felt like she was acting ridiculous. There were plenty of women who made their way from this point, further along in their labor. But she also hadn’t moved much in the last month and honestly was as big as a house. In her opinion. Chloe walked slowly, still holding onto him. “I want to lay down again.” She whined a little.

Sam 

Sam held onto her. "I know, darlin. Almost there. They're gonna get you a wheelchair and then bring you to a nice bed," he promised. As soon as they were inside, Sam called out, "My Domme is going into labor!"

Chloe 

Chloe stood, holding onto Sam, feeling more scared than exhaustion and pain. This was it. This felt too real and the whole hospital buzzed with a lot of different things but all she could do was cling to her claim. And as soon as the wheelchair appeared she felt the urge to turn and leave. Maybe this was a false labor? Maybe Gia wasn’t ready. But she was led to the chair whether she wanted to go or not and was pushed down the hallway away from any chance of leaving.

Sam 

Sam stayed right by her side, answering how far apart her contractions were and yes, her water broke. He held onto Chloe hand, refusing to let go for even a moment.

Chloe 

They were in a room now and as much as Chloe wanted to lay down she was soon back on her feet a few times over the next couple hours. Each contraction felt worse. Chloe hands were on the mattress and she let out a noise, showing how much it hurt. She felt sweaty and irritated. “There is no way I’m going through this again.” She said as soon as she felt able to talk. Deep down she knew she didn’t mean it but God, she was already over this!

Sam 

Sam pressed his lips together, curbing the impulse to laugh. "Okay, darlin. That's okay. We can just have our one perfect little girl."

Chloe 

“She better be perfect...” She grumbled. “Because if she’s a brat then I’m going to- I’m going to-“ she didn’t know how to finish that sentence and groaned. “I don’t know what I’m going to do! I can’t think straight with my back trying to kill me.”

Sam 

Sam smiled. "Even if she is a brat like her mother, she'll be perfect. Again, just like her mother."

Chloe 

Chloe shook her head. “I’m not a brat. I just know how I like things and when I want it.” She moved to slowly climb on the bed but it was hard to find a comfortable position. Chloe moved to her feet again. “Can you massage my back. It hurts so bad.”

Sam 

Sam nodded. "Sure, babe." He bit his lip as he gently rubbed her back. "Shouldn't they have given you something for the pain by now?"

Chloe 

“They should have. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” She tried to get to a point where she could feel her love’s hands on her back. This went on for a short while, a nurse entering at some point. She was told to lay down on the bed and checked to see how dilated her cervix is. The nurse said they’d be back soon to administer an epidural and left. “Oh thank God.” It felt weird to know she was dilated enough to have the epidural but she couldn’t exactly feel it. Chloe took Sam’s hand. It was well after 9pm by this point. “I don’t know if I should apologize in advance if I get mean and angry at you later.”

Sam 

Sam smiled and shook his head. "I can take it, darlin. You just focus on breathing and following the nurse's instructions. Don't you worry about me."

Chloe 

“You say that now.” Chloe watched the nurse return to the room with someone new, who introduced themselves as the anesthesiologist. They had her move around to get access to her back. This wasn’t the most pleasant thing because she was already hurting but after some time she was soon set up with the epidural and Chloe laid on her side. She reached for Sam’s hand right when another contraction hit. “Fuck,” she whimpered. Those won’t hurt as much as soon as the epidural takes full effect but for right now she felt all the pain. “Hopefully in a couple hours we’ll be here with Gia and you with your hand not crushed by mine.”

Sam 

Sam smiled at her, hiding the fact that her heart was breaking. He wished he could take the pain for her instead. "It's okay, if you crush it. I'm already in a hospital."

Chloe 

This brought an actual laugh and Chloe pulled at him to come to her, that way she could kiss his lips. There was a lot of back and forth with whether she wanted an epidural, mostly from reading that it might be hard to push when the time came, but as soon as she felt the numbing sensation take over Chloe was glad they decided to go with it. Throughout the following couple of hours her blood pressure was checked and the nurses kept an eye on how dilated she was. Even the contractions weren’t as painful as before. Hell, maybe having another kid would be a piece of cake? It was shortly after 11pm when the nurse poked her head up from between Chloe’s legs to say she was ready to have Gia. “Wait. What time is it? She’s supposed to be born on the 4th. Is it after midnight?” It was such a stupid thing but she loved that due date and now it looked like the baby wanted to come before it.

Sam 

Now? The baby was coming now? Sam's stomach somersaulted. Obviously, he knew, but he was so focused on Chloe and making sure she was okay and waiting that it was hitting him full in the face that their baby was coming. Fear seized him and he flashed back to Jacob. His silent, precious baby boy. What if Gia came out the same way? He wasn't even registering what Chloe was saying.

Chloe 

Everything she read about epidural proved to be spot on because with everything numb she felt a lot of pressure but she didn’t want to push. She wanted to wait until she knew she’d have their daughter after midnight. Why was she so set on this fucking date? “No. Not-not yet.” The doctor and nurse exchanged confused looks.

Sam 

Sam finally snapped out of it. "Darlin, if she wants to come now, let her come." Now he was the one squeezing her hand. "Please."

Chloe 

“But-“ But what? Trying to hold off for a stupid date sounded idiotic in her head but Chloe knew it was more than the date. It was freaking her out because the last time she was in this position she gave birth to their dead son. There was no going back now and she wasn’t sure she could face anything bad happening. Not again. Tears rolled down the sides of her face and she closed her eyes. Chloe’s hand shifted in Sam’s and she gave the push they’d been waiting for.

Sam 

Sam held her hands with both of his, biting hard on his lower lip as she pushed, frightened tears, starting to form in his eyes. Oh, please, cry, he begged . . .

Chloe 

Chloe pushed again and again. Strained noises escaped her work each push and she fell back onto the pillows exhausted. The doctor wanted her to keep going but she didn’t know if she could. She started to cry because it felt as if all of her energy was gone by this point.

Sam 

Sam held her hand to his mouth. "Darlin," he said quietly, eyes wet and pleading. "You can do it. Come on. Please. She's almost here." He couldn't do this for her. It was the one thing he couldn't do for her.

Chloe 

There was some talk between the doctor and nurse about getting the forceps and Chloe felt a part of her want to just let them do what they needed to get Gia but when she looked at Sam; blurry through her tears, Chloe felt that she needed to try again. She was sweaty and breathing hard and utterly tired. She moved back up and pushed again, really giving it her all. There was excited talk now about the head crowning and Chloe pushed even harder, sobbing. This was too much and she knew this was when things can get terrifying for them.

Sam 

Sam wanted to looked, but he was terrified. What if she was blue? What if she was already gone? What if-- Gia Lynn screamed her first cry into the world.

Chlo 

Chloe was too busy crying herself to notice the sound of her baby, hands against her face as she tried to collect herself. While she sniffled and looked at Sam she noticed an awed expression on his face and turned and realized their little girl was here. And she was crying and pink and...alive. Oh God...New tears flowed and she reached our for her.

Sam 

Sam couldn't help it. He was sobbing. His daughter screamed and cried and shrieked and it was beautiful. She was alive and okay. The doctors wiped her off a little but otherwise immediately handed her to Chloe to lay on her chest.

Chloe 

Oh God...It was hard to tell who was crying at this point but that didn’t bother her. Her she was. Gia Lynn. A baby that she wouldn’t allow herself to get too emotionally attached to with fear that she’d be taken away just like Jacob. But now she was on her chest, her little face scrunched why she cried...it made Chloe forget about the pain of the loss of their first child and her heart swelled with such love for the little baby. Chloe turned to looked at Sam and saw he was crying, too. “Come say hi to our daughter, amor.” She whispered, voice hoarse from everything.

Sam

Their daughter. His face was wet with tears, but he was smiling. "Hi," he said in a thick voice. "Hi, I'm Dad." Gia kept crying but Sam didn't mind. "That's all right, babygirl, you just keep on yelling. You let everyone know you're here."

Chloe 

There was activity in the room but Chloe was too focused on Gia and Sam that she paid it no mind. Her hand went to cup her love’s cheek, it wet wet tears and she leaned over to kiss the top of Gia’s head. “I can’t believe she’s here. That we are actually looking at her.” The last time they held their baby he didn’t have a chance in this world but Gia was very here and loud and probably cranky for getting taken away from the only world she’s known.

Sam 

"She's beautiful," Sam said. "She's perfect." He laughed through his tears. "She has your need for attention."

Chloe 

She wanted to get mad at him for that but at this point, with the way she was crying, it felt right and Chloe found herself laughing. It actually felt good to laugh after everything they went through. "I can't believe it, Sam." she mused, caressing the warm skin of their daughter with her lips before kissing it gently. "We're parents. This is our second chance." Chloe's eyes closed. "I hope we don't mess up."

Sam 

Sam shook his head tearfully. "We won't. We're gonna give her everything she needs and could ever want. She'll have the best life."

Chloe 

Their little girl's cries settled and Chloe finally could look into her eyes, such beautiful eyes...They were so bright and wide and Chloe stared into them with a smile. "She has your eyes," she said, touching at Gia's cheek with her fingers. It was hard to believe she was in her earlier today. "And I know we will. She'll probably be the most spoiled little girl the world has seen with us and our family wanting to give her everything."

Sam 

Sam smiled. He personally thought they looked like Chloe's eyes, but it was always hard to pick out your own features. The nurses came over and said they were going to clean her up and take her measurements. Sam immediately felt protective. What? No. That was HIS baby. They couldn't just take her away like that . . .

Chloe 

Chloe, unaware Sam felt the same, pulled Gia closer and said, “No. Not yet.” Her heart raced and the idea of being parted so soon made her somewhat anxious. The nurse promised it wouldn’t be long and with such reluctance Chloe let Gia go with the nurse. “God. I must be acting ridiculous...” Now it was just them Chloe reached for Sam’s hand. “We need to take pictures. Send them to our family.”

Sam 

Sam nodded, distracted, keeping his eyes on the nurse and his daughter. This was his purpose now: to protect her always.

Chloe 

There's no question about it, the noticeable change in Sam showed itself as soon as Gia was taken away and it actually warmed Chloe's heart. This was this little baby. Their little girl who was so new and vulnerable and needed to have people who'll love her completely. She was only minutes old but she already has the fierce love of two people and doesn't even know it. "You're never letting her out of your sight, are you?" Her hand went down his arm and Chloe tugged at it to bring him onto the edge of the bed with her. It'll be hard to cuddle but after what she went through she needed him.

Sam 

Sam shook his head, getting on the bed with Chloe. “Not for one second,” he affirmed.

Chloe 

She'll have Gia again soon and Chloe's arms went around Sam. She tried to cuddle next to him but moving around wasn't exactly easy. Most of everyone was away from the room and Chloe watched her love as his attention was all on their daughter. "You should hold her when they're finished." she said, voice tired and quiet as her eyes closed. "You haven't had a chance to really see her."

Sam 

Sam nodded. "I will." He tried to sound cool about the idea, but in reality he was dying to hold his daughter.

Chloe 

Chloe dozed for no more than a minute when she was slightly roused from her sleep. She moved her cheek to a pillow and watched the nurse help settle Gia in Sam's arms. God, she wished she had her phone on her to take a picture but watching this moment felt far too nice and perfect. So perfect. This was their little family.

Sam 

Sam felt nervous, of course, but he was also longing so deeply to hold her that it overshadowed any other emotion. As the tiny girl was settled into his arms, Sam felt his heart burst with love. It was different than the way he loved Chloe or his siblings or anyone else. It was just . . . pure.

Chloe 

"You look so happy..." her hand went to his leg and stayed there. "As soon as she can talk I can see always calling for you. For her daddy. Because you'll practically be her whole world." She was tired and saying this brought fresh tears. "Dagny will be so jealous." Chloe chuckled as soon as she said this, sniffling as she brushed the tears away.

Sam 

Sam's smile grew and he felt his own tears. "That sounds nice," he said softly. He finally looked away from her and to Chloe. "She's okay," he whispered.

Chloe 

"As in you're trying to down play her for Dag's sake or that she's okay with you holding her? Because she hasn't made a fuss at all once she settled against you." Chloe's fingers want from his leg to the side of their little girl's body, which was currently swaddled and cozy.

Sam 

Sam shook his head. "No. I meant . . . She's healthy. Here. Alive."

Chloe 

"Healthy..." Chloe didn't want to say the next word, not when she'd been crying and feeling all sorts of ways right now. "She's here and healthy. With us. I just hope we continue to feel this happy once we're home and she won't stop crying her little lungs out." A nurse came to check on Chloe and said they'll try nursing soon.

Sam 

Sam laughed softly. He would still be happy. She could scream all she wanted. He would be right there for her. Making sure she was always okay.

Chloe 

Once again Chloe dozed, this time not sure how long it’s been, but when she was awoken she had to sit up and get ready to breast feed. It was surreal to have someone show her how to do this but apparently there was some method to it. Chloe held Gia carefully and did what was suggested. There was some frustration because she could tell her daughter wanted to eat but was having a hard time latching. This went on for sometime and by the time she wanted to give up, feeling like an absolute failure with doing something so easy as a mother, Gia latched and Chloe praised her with soft words. “Are you seeing this?” She asked Sam. “I’m actually feeding her.” God, she was close to crying. Again.

Sam 

Sam was so tired and hadn’t slept a wink, but he stayed awake, watching from a chair off to the side with his head back and a sleepy smile on his face. “Of course you are. Because you’re the best mom in the world.”

Chloe 

“I hope I am. Or will be. It’s too soon to tell.” Her hand passed over their daughter’s soft hair; it the lightest blonde. “I wonder if this is how I looked when I was a newborn.” She had no baby pictures and everything of her was when she was over a year and a half. “I’m already thinking of all the cute outfits and bows. Even the daddy and daughter shirts you can wear to match.”

Sam 

Sam smiled. “She’ll be the most fashionable baby in Canada,” he assured her. He thought it was sad she had no baby pictures to compare their daughter to, but he didn’t point that out.

Chloe 

"I still want to put clothes on Dagny," she said more as joke than anything. "All of us wearing matching outfits. It'd be too much." Chloe's lips pressed together, trying not to laugh because she didn't want it to disturb Gia. She moved her eyes away from Sam and for the first time since that day they lost Jacob she felt absolute happiness. "I love you, mi amor." she reached for him to bring him closer on the bed with them; in need of a kiss.

Sam

Sam carefully climbed on the bed. "I love you too," he assured her. He and Chloe were always a family, but with Gia, somehow it felt more permanent.

[btssavedmylifeblr]

DNA - Part Eight

Genre: futuristic dystopian smut and angst

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 4164 (Part Eight of Ten)

Summary: Jungkook had one job: Reproduce. Competition for stud services was fierce, so efficiency was key.  Love is inefficient.

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven

Warnings: angst, men and women used for breeding, Jungkook has a hangover

Every part of Jungkook ached. There was a pounding so loud in his head, it felt like it was coming from inside his own brain. He curled in on himself, regretting all of his life choices. His tongue made a rasping velcro sound as he tried to unstick it from the roof of his mouth. His lips were dry and he had no moisture to wet them. He felt dried out, greasy and disgusting. The dull pounding in his skull continued as he cracked opened one eye. He saw the bottom of Jimin’s bunk in front of him and was relieved he was waking up in his own bed. Jimin and Taehyung must have brought him back here after their failed adventure last night. The pain in his head worsened as memories of the previous evening came back to him.

She must be gone by now.  She’s no doubt been shipped off, sent over to the prenatal facility to give birth to yet another child of his that he would never meet. He’d gotten drunk and fucked up his last chance to see her before she left. And he’d probably never see her again.

Or maybe she’d been gone long before that. Jungkook grimaced as he remembered the revelations of the previous evening. Maybe she’d never felt the connection he did. Maybe she was in love with the head breeder, as the gossipy cow had implied. That didn’t feel right to him though. Maybe he was still a bit drunk, but in the back of his mind he couldn’t shake the feeling that she had genuinely cared for him.

He lay in bed, holding his head as he wrestled with the possible interpretations of last night’s discovery. What was her relationship with the tall blonde breeder? He remembered the informal way she had called him Namjoon which seemed incriminating now. But she said he had rushed her into the program. What kind of sick fuck rushes his girlfriend into a program to be impregnated by other men?

A knock on the door sent a jolt of pain through him and he discovered that the pounding wasn’t only in his head. He tried to call out to make it stop, but only a hoarse gurgling sound came out. He sat up, but that made everything worse, so he lay back down, cradling his head to prevent it from splitting in half.

“Jungkook!” Taehyung shouted from beyond the door. “Jungkook! I know you’re in there.”

Jungkook couldn’t muster the strength to respond and just pulled the blanket over his head, hoping to drown out the knocking.

“You need to get up.” The breeder pounded on the door again, louder. “Sperm count.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Jungkook grumbled as he swung his legs out of the bed. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” he called so Taehyung would stop the terrible noise. It took him another few minutes to summon the energy to stand. Being on his feet made everything hurt more and he felt like he might vomit.

When he finally managed to open the door, he was nearly blinded by the neon yellow scrubs the breeder was wearing. He decided that if he did need to vomit, it would definitely be on Taehyung, just so he’d never wear these atrocities again.

“Sperm count!” the breeder said, louder than he needed to, smirking at the way Jungkook winced at the sound.

“Now?” Jungkook moaned. “I just did one last week.”

“Look, I’m not the one who barfed on camera three times last night,” the intern chuckled, patting him on the shoulder and forcing a cold bottle of water into his hands.

“Three?” Jungkook asked as he cracked open the water bottle. He could only remember two.

“Yeah,” Taehyung chuckled. “You might want to avoid Jimin today.”

Jungkook grimaced. Somewhere in the back of mind, he remembered that he owed Jimin some new shoes.

“Come on stud,” the breeder laughed. “Let’s go get you checked out.”

Had Jungkook not been so hungover, he would have been more apprehensive about the random sperm check. Drinking was against the rules, but the breeders tended to turn a blind eye if your count held up. Fail the count though and you would face a week with no cows. Fail two in a row and you were out.

The cold water bottle was the best thing that had happened in weeks and he sipped it gratefully on the walk to the labs, thinking that a week of probation might actually be a relief.

When they got to the lab, Taehyung gestured for him to take a seat on the exam table as the breeder began rustling through drawers and pulling out supplies. Jungkook sat down, reached under his robe and began stroking himself, readying a semen sample. He had long ago lost all shame about masturbating in front of the breeders. Bulls and cows fucked in front of the breeders too, so he didn’t see the the point in pretending they had any modesty left.

Jungkook’s bigger concern was whether or not he could even produce a sample today. Every muscle in his body ached and he felt completely drained. He stared down at his flaccid penis. It looked like it had given up too.

“That won’t be necessary,” Taehyung said as he snapped on a pair of latex gloves, and sat down on a rolling stool.

“You said you needed a sperm count.”

The breeder coughed, covering his mouth with his elbow, not looking at the stud. “I have your sample for today.” He jerked his chin in the direction of a sample jar on the counter that was already full. The slight blush that colored the breeder’s cheeks clued the stud into where the sample had come from.

“What?” Jungkook shook his head, his brain all foggy and confused.

“Don’t worry about it,” Taehyung chuckled, pushing on Jungkook’s shoulder to get him to recline back onto the exam table. “It’s not hard to do.” He laughed as he straightened out Jungkook’s arm. “Make a fist.”

The breeder grabbed a tourniquet from the table of supplies and wrapped it around the stud’s upper arm, palpating the crook of his elbow, feeling for veins. The studs had so many blood draws that Jungkook knew this routine perfectly. His prominent veins always made it a quick process, so he didn’t mind much. Taehyung found one quickly and inserted the needle. But instead of reaching for the blood vials, the breeder reached for a long piece of plastic tubing connected to a large yellow bag.

“What’s that?” Jungkook lifted his head to look at the new contraption, then winced in pain as his headache roared back.

“Banana bag,” the breeder replied, brows drawn in concentration as he attached the tubing to the needle in Jungkook’s arm, making sure the IV was seated properly before pulling off the tourniquet. “For dehydration.” Jungkook raised his eyebrows, not understanding. “For your hangover, you doofus.” The breeder laughed, patting the stud’s arm.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” the stud wondered aloud. He never would have thought a breeder would be this kind to him. The intern was taking an awful lot of risks lately for a stud who had caused him nothing but trouble.

“I need your help.” The breeder dropped his voice as he rolled his chair closer.

Jungkook nodded sleepily, closing his eyes, already beginning to feel better as the fluids and electrolytes from the IV flooded his system. He’d do whatever this man wanted as long as he could stay hooked to this miracle bag.

“Don’t fall asleep on me.” Taehyung poked his arm. “We need to talk.” Jungkook nodded some more, but already felt himself falling asleep. “2050 is still here.”

Jungkook’s eyes flew open. He tried to sit up, but Taehyung held him back with a hand on his shoulder.

“Just listen,” the breeder insisted. “Something weird is going on.” The breeder leaned in even closer, so he was speaking close to Jungkook’s ear. “She’s pregnant. I ran her blood test this morning.”

Jungkook felt a familiar ache in his stomach. That was his child. Their child. But if she was pregnant, that meant she’d be leaving the breeding facility and last night had been his last chance to see her.

“But look.” Taehyung grabbed his tablet off the lab counter and opened the program containing the farm’s medical records. Jungkook squinted to where the breeder’s finger was pointing to her name. He followed over from Tae’s finger to see her status listed as ‘Inseminated - awaiting results’.

“Someone changed her status back!” Taehyung whispered, jabbing his finger at the screen. “They deleted my test results from the system.” He frowned down at the tablet, scrolling back and forth.

“Dr. Kim?” Jungkook guessed, frowning.

“Who else?” Taehyung continued scrolling through the tablet, eyebrows knitted in consternation.

“Why would he do that?” Jungkook wondered why, if it was just an affair, the doctor would risk changing official records. Was he really risking his job just to fuck her one last time? It didn’t make sense. Then Jungkook realized that he had repeatedly put his own career on the line just to see her, and it didn’t seem so far fetched. Maybe Dr. Kim was in love with her too. Jungkook couldn’t blame him if he was.

“I don’t know.” The breeder looked up at the stud. “But weird things keep happening. Records changing, test results being lost, cows getting mixed up. I keep trying to tell my supervisor but he doesn’t want to redo all the paperwork on the word of an intern.”

“What do we do?” Jungkook rubbed his head, feeling the pain dissipate in response to the hydration in his arm, and becoming eager for action.

“I need proof that Dr. Kim is the one messing with the test results.”  Taehyung unclipped the now empty banana bag from Jungkook’s IV before removing the needle from his arm. “If he held her back, they must be meeting tonight. I need a lookout. Can you meet me in the breakroom after dinner?”

Jungkook nodded. They were finally going to get to the bottom of this.

Jungkook paced back and forth in the breakroom after dinner, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Taehyung for their spy mission.

“What is the matter with you?” Jimin lay across the couch, feet up, following Jungkook back and forth with his eyes.

“Nothing.” The younger man paused his pacing and sat down on the arm of the couch at the opposite end, trying to look nonchalant. But he couldn’t keep his leg from twitching.

“Something is definitely up with you.” The older man eyed him suspiciously. “You’re not gonna hurl again, are you?” He pulled his feet away from Jungkook grimacing.

“No,” Jungkook grumbled. “I’m fine.”

Jimin looked like he didn’t believe him, but didn’t say anything further, picking up the remote and beginning to scroll through the channels on the TV.

Jungkook tried to be interested in the game show on the television, but couldn’t stay focused, glancing at the clock in 10-second intervals, terrified of missing their window. When the break room doors finally opened, Jungkook flew to his feet.

Taehyung stuck his head into the room. He and Jungkook nodded silently at each other and the intern gestured for the stud to follow him. Jungkook got up and half-walked, half-raced to the door.

“Hey!” Jimin said, sitting up. “Where are you two off to?”

“Karaoke.” Jungkook accidentally blurted the least plausible lie he could have given. Jungkook had never before in his life attended the company karaoke night. Jungkook looked at Taehyung with his most remorseful expression.

“There’s no karaoke tonight.” Jimin stood up off the couch. Of course, the biggest ham in the company would know exactly when karaoke night was.

“We’re practicing.” Taehyung steered into Jungkook’s terrible lie, but only made it worse. “Team competition.”

Jimin laughed. “You two are full of shit. Tell me what’s really going on.”

Jungkook looked at Taehyung, unsure what to do know. Taehyung confessed. “We’re going to spy on 2050 and Dr. Kim.”

“Really?” Jimin’s eyes widened and he scampered over to put on his shoes.

“You can’t come,” Taehyung objected. “There’s not enough room in the storage closet.”

Jimin crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows as if daring them to stop him.

The two younger boys looked back and forth between each other.  Jungkook shrugged.  He didn’t see why it would hurt to have another yet of eyes.

“Fine.” Taehyung nodded and the spy team set off.

Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung waited in the dark of the janitors’ closet. Jungkook stood anxiously by the door, holding it open just enough to see a sliver of the hallway. Jimin leaned against a shelving unit full of bottles of disinfectant. Taehyung sat on an overturned mop bucket next to the air vent near the floor. He had spent the previous hour threading a camera through the vent so it was now hidden just inside the air duct connected to the head breeder’s office.

Jimin leaned over Taehyung’s shoulder to examine the video feed on a tablet the intern had setup on top of a second bucket.  “Why do you have all this spy shit?” the older stud teased, picking up one of the large headsets for the audio feed and putting it on.

“Things have been weird here for a while,” Taehyung answered, tongue trapped between his teeth as he fiddled with the cord leading to the camera, so the camera pointed directly at the suspicious man’s desk. The office was quiet and dark. Dr. Kim was still at dinner. “Test results have been changing. Mating records getting mixed up. I told my supervisor about it, but he said they were just mistakes.”

“Maybe they are,” Jimin shrugged.

“Shhh!��� Jungkook hissed from the door. “Someone’s coming.”

Dr. Kim appeared at the end of the hallway that led to the cafeteria. He was whistling to himself as he fished his keys from his pocket and unlocked his office. Jungkook clenched his fists at how calm the breeder appeared to be, as if destroying Jungkook’s hopes and dreams was just a casual day at the office for him. Jungkook stepped back from the door slightly, to prevent being seen from the hallway as the breeder entered his office, before turning join Jimin and Taehyung at the monitor.  

The feed showed the breeder as he settled in front of his computer, but they couldn’t see what he was doing behind the giant stacks of paper that still covered the desk, the floor, and every other available space in the room.

After about five minutes of watching the breeder do nothing but type on his computer, Jimin sighed dramatically. “How long do we have to watch him for?” The older stud yawned and stretched, twisting his upper body back and forth.

“I don’t know!” Taehyung didn't take his eyes off the monitor. “It’s a stake-out.”

Jungkook moved in closer, nodding in agreement. “As long as it takes.”

“That could be all night.” Jimin sat down on the floor, yawning some more.

“You didn’t have to come.” Taehyung looked up briefly to chastise Jimin, before turning back to the screen

“And let you two have all the good gossip? Jimin chuckled. “No way.” He crossed his arms and closed his eyes. “Wake me up when something interesting happens.”

They spent the next several hours in the same manner, watching the breeder as he moved back and forth between typing on his computer and scribbling on his large yellow legal pads, only getting up periodically to go hunting for files in the giant stacks of paper.

“Maybe she’s not coming,” Jimin whispered, standing up and stretching.

Taehyung took off his headphones and rocked his head from side to side, stretching his neck. “Why would he change her results if they weren’t going to meet up tonight?”

“Maybe they are meeting somewhere else.” Jungkook suggested. He hoped that maybe she wouldn’t show up at all. That it was all a big misunderstanding and she had just been in the bathroom when he tried to visit her last night.

“He’s still in there.” Taehyung put his headphones back on and continued his monitoring. “Either she shows up or he leaves and we tail him.”

The men fell silent again. Jungkook thought that tailing Dr. Kim would not be as easy as the budding spy made it sound. There was nowhere to hide in these sterile white hallways.

Finally, at half past midnight, there were footsteps in the hall. Jungkook’s heart sunk. Someone was coming. And it sounded like they were headed this way. Hesitantly, he cracked open the door, hoping it was just a passing night watchman.

He sighed when he saw her, walking quickly down the hall. Part of him wanted to call out to her, to step out of the closet, say her name, and have her run into his arms. But he felt betrayed.

“She’s here,” he whispered to the others, as she knocked quietly on the door, glancing up and down the hall furtively, before disappearing into the office. Jungkook closed the door and all three young men gathered around the video feed. Taehyung handed them each a pair of headphones so they could listen in.

“This was a big risk.” The deep voice of the head breeder came through the headphones as he stepped into view in front of the desk. “What’s going on?”

The girl said something off camera, but she was too far out of range and it was too soft to be picked up by the mic. Then she ran into Dr. Kim’s arms. It looked like she loved him. Jungkook clenched his jaw, remembering the way she had run into his arms in just the same manner only a few weeks before. Had that all been a lie? Why would she pretend to have feelings for him? What possible purpose did that serve?

“What do we do if they just start fucking?” Jimin hissed but Taehyung shushed him.

For a moment, it seemed like Jimin might be right as the head breeder wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. But when she pulled away from him, he could see she was crying.

“I’m sorry, Joon.”

She sounded upset, and as much as he wanted to be angry with her for her lies and her deceit, Jungkook’s first reaction was concern.

“I can’t do it,” she said, shaking her head.

“Can’t do what?” The breeder leaned down and peered into her eyes. The breeder looked like he really cared about her. Jungkook wished he could be in there, that he could be the one drying her tears.

“I can’t go back there.”

Dr. Kim stiffened and pulled away from her, hands on her shoulders. “Yes, you can,” he insisted, squeezing her tightly.

“No, I can’t!” Her voice raised as she shook her head back and forth. The head breeder glanced at the door, then pulled her further into his office.

“I need you to calm down,” he said, and Jungkook clenched his fists at the breeder’s condescending tone.

“I can’t do it, Joon. You can’t make me.” Jungkook nodded along with her. Dr. Kim was not going to make her do anything she didn’t want to do. Not if Jungkook had any say in the matter.

“You’re having a stressful time right now,” Dr. Kim crouched down so he was eye level with her.

“Goddamnit, Joon, if you tell me I’m hormonal...” She squared her shoulders.

“Do you think I have a death wish?” The doctor threw his hands up in defense. The tension in the room seemed to break as they both laughed. Jungkook pouted at the way she laughed with the breeder. She had laughed with Jungkook like that too.

As the laughter died down, she hung her head in defeat. “You said you could get me out.” She sounded so sad. Jungkook would have gotten her out. He wanted to shout through the door. He had tried to get her out.

“I’m sorry,” the breeder answered. “We need more time.”

Jungkook furrowed his brow in confusion, glancing over at Taehyung who looked just as confused as he felt. The intern shrugged and adjusted his headset.

“Jungkook came to see me,” she whispered. Jungkook cocked his head and listened intently as the two other men in the storage closet glanced in his direction. “He wanted me to run away with him.”

“You told him no.” The doctor’s tone brooked no argument and Jungkook gritted his teeth in frustration.

“Obviously,” she muttered under her breath, crossing her arms, and looking deeply unhappy.

Dr. Kim sighed. “The work we’re doing here is important.” He patted her shoulder. “More important than some boy’s crush.”

Jungkook watched helplessly as she nodded in agreement, head buried in the breeder’s chest. Jungkook felt a strong urge to deck the blonde man across the face. Jimin glanced over at him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” she sighed, as she pulled away from Dr. Kim.  A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked up at the taller man. “But I still can’t do it.” She wiped the tear away in frustration, sniffling. “I can’t let them twist and warp my child in my own belly, Joon. Not again. I can’t have her torn from me. I won’t do it.”

Jungkook felt a pain deep in his gut. She was talking about their baby. Their daughter. And she seemed to be just as appalled by the idea of losing her as he was. Dr. Kim looked upset too and the room fell silent. The terrifying thought that the baby might actually be the doctor’s instead flashed across Jungkook’s mind.

“What if I bought her?” Dr. Kim said quietly, as if in confirmation of Jungkook’s worst fears.

“Really?” she said sniffling and smiling up at the doctor.

“Yeah,” he nodded, “then I could stop her being modified.”

Jungkook clenched his hands in rage. No way. No way in hell would he let his daughter be raised by this rich asshole who forced the women in his life to be breeding cows. Jungkook hands began to shake as he paced back and forth in agitation.

And then, the feed cut out. The video screen went black.

“What happened?!” Jungkook just barely stopped himself from shouting.

“I don’t know,” Taehyung whispered back, pressing buttons on the tablet and being greeted with the flashing low battery sign on the tablet. “Fuck.” The breeder swore under his breath.

Jimin stood up. “Didn’t you bring a charger?”

“I didn’t realize it would take so long,” Taehyung sighed in defeat, checking his bag, but not finding what he needed.

“It’s a stake-out!” Jimin parroted back the breeder’s earlier words.

Jungkook didn’t have time for this. Not when his child and the love of life were both seconds away from disappearing forever. While Taehyung and Jimin were arguing about what to do next, Jungkook bolted for the door.

“No!” Taehyung hissed after him. “Jungkook!”

The stud was already across the hallway before either of the other men could stop him. He wrenched open the door to the breeder’s office, bursting in to find them embracing again.

“Jungkook!” she said, breaking away from the breeder. “What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here?!” he yelled, gesturing between her and the breeder.

“Get out of my office.” Dr. Kim placed himself in between the stud and the girl.

“Make me.” Jungkook spat. Dr. Kim rolled up his sleeves, but Jungkook was unimpressed. “You’re not stealing my daughter.”

“What?” she gasped. “Have you been listening in?”

Jungkook ignored the question. He had too many of his own.

“What you doing  _________?” He intentionally used her name, the one thing he remembered most strongly from the drunken night before. He fought back a small smile when her mouth fell open in surprise.  “Do you love him?” Jungkook gestured at the head breeder. “Is that why you wanted to stay?”

“Jungkook,” she walked closer to him, but he away from her. “It’s not what you think.”

“Then what is it?” His clenched fists shook in frustration. “Please tell me.”

“Okay, okay…” She nodded and looked at Dr. Kim, who shook his head vigorously. But then she looked back at Jungkook.

“Namjoon is my brother.”