#i cried my fucking eyes out during summertime

[blossom-hwa]

materializes on your blog's metaphorical doorstep hi lina :DD

can i get a uhhhh hanji best friends idiots to lovers au (where he thinks they've been dating for a while and get confused when mc confesses) ??

alright thanks lina :DD

- person who lives in ur walls

to the person living in my walls: please get out of there. it's really cold. at least let me give you a blanket. or accept this idiots to lovers au as a way to get warm idk it's so stupid and fluffy and everyone is an idiot so maybe it'll warm you up idk I'm rambling hope you enjoy

summertime drabble fest: send me an idol from the list (Stray Kids, Ateez, TXT, Seventeen) + a prompt (check out the post for ideas) and I’ll write a drabble for you!

REQUESTS OPEN!!

~

Title: Expectations, Complications

Pairing: Jisung x gender neutral!reader

Word count: 2.1k

Genre: fluff, a pinch of angst, best friends to lovers, university!au

Warnings: cursing

~

The minute Jisung hits play, you know you're fucked. 

Okay, no. Backtrack. Rewind. That's not where it starts—it's not even close. 

It starts in high school. Senior year, prom. No one asked you out, and no one asked Jisung, so you went with a crowd of your friends and their dates. You drank. You danced. You screamed and laughed and cried at the afterparty, and you ended up on the roof of the party house at four in the morning, drunk and giggly and Jisung's head on your shoulder. 

Still one of the best nights of your life, no contest. But it was in one of those moments, when you mumbled something incoherent and Jisung just giggled in response (before the two of you stumbled home together and spent the next morning nursing ridiculous hangovers in your respective houses), that you realized—that Jisung wasn't a friend. Not in the way you'd thought before, at least. That he was something else, something different, a friend and a thousand other things rolled into one—that you were fucked as hell for letting this happen. 

But no. Maybe not. Maybe it wasn't then. Not senior year, not prom, but when you finally got your driver's license in sophomore year and drove Jisung out to get boba at your favorite place for the first time. No need to ask a friend for a ride, no need to beg your parents to take you to get your stupid boba fix for the week. Just you, your parents' shittiest car, and Jisung in the passenger seat rolling down the familiar roads to the tiny little cafe, and then sweet drinks in hand with tapioca pearls chewy between your teeth as you watched Jisung laugh loud and hard, his eyes squinted against the afternoon sun. You didn't know, not then, but you did know. Somehow. You didn't but you did, and the image is burned into your mind and it's never once gone away. It never will. And that's how you know you're fucked. 

Except—it might not have been then. It could've been middle school, maybe. When someone kicked a soccer ball into your face and Jisung held your hand all the way to the tiny school clinic despite the fact that all middle schoolers thought holding hands was weird and gross. Or it could've been the summer before when you ran to the park together and jumped on the swings, rising higher, higher, higher into the air as the sun burned golden in the sky. Or maybe after the two week long fight you had (the longest one you've ever had, and you don't even remember what it was about) when you couldn't stand it anymore and decided to walk over to Jisung's house to apologize, only to swing open the door and find him on your doorstep first. 

It could have been anything. A thousand and one moments in time, spread out over the years that have passed. Elementary school, middle school, high school, your first years of college—boba stores, the mall in your hometown, the neighborhood park—it could have been anything. Any combination. But see, the point is—

It doesn't matter. 

It doesn't matter. None of it does. Not the exact day you knew, not the immediate second you realized, not the sheer length of time during which you've loved your best friend. Because you couldn't give an answer if someone asked, not to a single one of those questions, because with you, it's always been him. He's your beginning, your end. Your start, your finish. Everything you've ever known and wanted, everything you'll ever need. 

And so when Jisung hits play and the song he wrote for you begins playing through the headphones you bought him for his last birthday, you know. You've known all along, distantly, but now—

You know well and truly for certain that you are incredibly, irrevocably fucked. 

. . . . . There are tears in your eyes when the song finally ends and for a moment, Jisung's heart stops. Tears—what are they for? Happiness? Sadness? He didn't quite think that this song was—sad, per se, but maybe it was sadder than he thought, or too much too fast because after all you've only been dating for four weeks and five days—barely over a month—and god-fucking-damn-it now he's on the verge of hyperventilating because holy shit what if he just made the biggest mistake of his stupid twenty one years of life—

"I'm so sorry," he gasps out. 

You turn around in the chair to face him but he can't meet your eyes. "I'm sorry, it was probably such a shitty song, or like I shouldn't have let you hear it now—it's too early and you probably weren't ready I'm so so so so sorry—" 

"No!"

The sheer volume of that single word ends his rambling. Which is pretty impressive given that when Jisung is nervous, he tends to talk. And talk and talk and talk. Which is—bad. At least now. Because you're taking a deep breath, way too deep for you to be saying anything good in the next beat, but all Jisung can do now is hold his own breath and pray. 

Dear God, if you can hear me, I know I haven't been the best when it comes to believing in you and I'm still mad you didn't hear my prayers last semester right before my Calc II final, but if I've done even a single good thing in my life please don't make it so that I messed this up, not when it's barely been a month since I started dating Y/N.

"Jisung, I..." You take the headphones off, placing them carefully on the desk. Your fingers twist in your lap, a familiar nervous habit of yours that doesn't do much to quell the anxiety building in his throat. 

When you don't continue, Jisung opens his mouth. He can't help it. He needs to say something, anything, apologize again and pray that you'll help him forget this ever happened—

"I'm so sorry," you blurt out.

Jisung's heart drops. Shatters on the ground. I'm so sorry. He messed up, he messed up so bad—

"I'm sorry," you repeat, and your eyes are so shiny with tears it hurts. "I—I can't do this anymore."

He tries to speak. To move. Salvage something of this relationship. But nothing happens. Every muscle in him has frozen. 

"Jisung, I—" The tears start to spill. "I'm so sorry. I can't do this. I love you, I love you so much and I—it's not just as a friend—"

Wait. 

What?

"The song was beautiful." You're properly sobbing now, hands harshly wiping the tears from your eyes as you hunch over in the chair while Jisung still can't move. "Brilliant and lovely and I just—I can't. Because I know you just think we're friends—"

What the fuck. 

"—but I can't keep it in anymore, I can't keep just thinking of you as a friend because I love you, I've been in love with you for so long it hurts, and I—I won't be able to stand it if this song was just about our friendship because I—it would hurt too much—"

"Y/N."

Jisung's mouth moves without his brain telling it to. And to his surprise, you stop talking. He hadn't thought he'd quite spoken loud enough for you to hear. 

"I—Y/N." All the fear that's been building up since the start of your spiel melts away into pure confusion because—what the fuck? The two of you have been dating for a month now, four weeks and five days—he asked you to dinner and said "it's a date" and you didn't disagree, just smiled so widely and nodded—and he held your hand and you talked for hours and then he walked you to your dorm and—

"Haven't we been dating for a month already?"

You blink. Once. Twice. Three times. Silence stretches for a moment that seems way longer than just a moment, and then you finally open your mouth and utter a single word. 

"What?"

Oh, fuck. Now he's panicking. "I—I asked you out, right, like for dinner? A month ago? And then I said 'it's a date' and I—you said yes, I think if I haven't been hallucinating this whole time, and we got dinner and it was a date and then we kept going out—like to the amusement park last week? Just us? Were they—" And now for all his rambling a couple seconds ago, his voice dwindles to a whisper because his throat suddenly hurts and he's not going to be able to stand it if you say no—

"Were they not dates?"

Your mouth opens and closes. At least you've stopped crying, Jisung thinks helplessly. 

"I—I thought you meant that as a joke." Your voice is barely a whisper, hoarse and confused and god fucking damn it, Jisung really wants to hug you right now. "I thought—I mean, we get dinner together all the time, we do all these things together, I thought you were just being…normal?"

Oh dear. 

Oh fucking dear. 

"But it was just us two!" Jisung bursts out. You flinch. Oh, shit. Too loud. "Sorry," he apologizes, hunching into his shoulders. "But—I—it was just us two, all these times. Right?"

You blink about a million times again. "…Right."

"I meant them to be dates," Jisung says miserably. God, he's such a fuck up���how did he fail at asking you out this badly?

You swallow. Your throat bobs once, twice, a third time. "So we've been dating…this whole time?"

Jisung cringes. "I thought we were."

"Oh." You cringe too now, eyes riveted to your fingers twisting tightly in your lap. "Wow. I'm so stupid."

"No, I am." Jisung squeezes his eyes shut, then forces them open again. "Sorry. I should've been clearer—I mean, uh, assuming you still want to date, it's totally okay if you don't I guess—"

"No!"

Jisung freezes. No as in what? You don't want to date? You want to date? He shouldn't have been clearer? What—

"No," you repeat, voice softer now. "I—I really want to date you, Jisung. I really do." Your words are trembling but this time your gaze is steady. "I really, really want to. I'm just—I'm sorry I didn't realize it when you asked the first time."

Jisung laughs nervously. Scratches the back of his neck. "Well, uh, I probably could've asked better. More directly." He cringes. God, he's such a fucking embarrassment. "Sorry."

"It's not your fault I'm dense." You give him a little sheepish smile and Jisung nearly faints, it's so good to see a smile on your face after he just made you cry with a song. "Does that mean…this song…"

Ah. Yeah. "That was a song about you," Jisung says quietly. His ears are probably so, so red. "About how I…I really love you."

In your seat, you remain still for one moment, then two. Then, just as Jisung's about to start screaming out loud instead of just in his head because what if that was too much too soon too, you launch yourself off the chair and into his arms. 

"Oof."

"Sorry." Your lips move against his shoulder as his arms automatically slide around your waist, pulling you closer as he always has—since the day so many years ago when you decided to be best friends on the playground and sealed it with a hug. "I love you. A lot. And—" You take a deep breath, shaky in your throat but not with tears this time, just a little bit of a laugh. "I'm sorry I'm so stupid."

Slowly, slowly, Jisung's hand rises up your back. Comes to stop behind your head, holding you as close to him as he can. 

"It's okay," he murmurs, a smile finally beginning to curve his own lips. I love you so much. "And, uh. Don't worry." He cringes into you, but it doesn't feel so bad now. Not when he's pressed against your warmth this time and can feel your smile against his shoulder. "I'm a little stupid, too."

[ethotv-archived]

gonna have a nap now GN

[wlntrsldler]

unrequited (draco malfoy/ cedric diggory series)

PROMPT: You and Cedric grew up together. After the tragedy of the Triwizard Tournament, you’re left feeling empty without your best friend. Draco Malfoy steps into the picture. Will the feelings be reciprocated? Or will it be unrequited?

WARNINGS: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, angst, fluff, sadness??? 

PAIRING: draco malfoy x reader and cedric diggory x reader; hufflepuff reader

WC: 2.2K+

UNREQUITED MASTERLIST

UNREQUITED PLAYLISTS (SEND ME SONGS!)

-

PART 12

Draco didn’t realize you never returned those words until he saw you flinch when he said it. 

The two of you were outside in the meadows, watching the leaves grow on the branches of the trees. It’s been a good week for Draco. He only woke up in the middle of the night three times this week and he fell asleep only an hour after waking. He didn’t tell you that, though. He’s been trying to stay away from you during those hours of the night, afraid that you were going to grow tired of him, or worse already growing tired of him. He would often just lay in bed, eyes closed, counting backwards from 100 while holding his finger that housed the ring you gave him. It worked, although sometimes he had to repeat his counts. 

But he began to miss you beside him. He was always cold at night and you were always so warm when you cuddled into his side. Whenever you were next to him, he found no use for the blanket on the corner of the bed. You were enough. You were more than enough. 

Because he’s been trying to be more independent, he hasn’t seen you as much as he’d like, so the nights that were reserved for you, him, and the meadow, were his favorite nights. You were laying on his chest, a smile playing on your lips as he talked about the few fun memories he remembered from his childhood. He talked about Dobby and how he missed the elf the past holiday season. He playfully cursed Harry for freeing the elf but you knew he was just kidding by the way he was smiling fondly as he spoke. 

“I saw him at Diagon Alley when I picked up your presents.” He mentioned, remembering the cheery elf who skipped towards him when he recognized Draco. “He seemed happier.” 

“I’m sure he is.” 

Draco mumbled in agreement, kissing your forehead. He saw you close your eyes, love pouring from his stare as he watched you slowly drift to sleep. Your breathing slowed a bit, heart rate steadying. He placed his lips by the shell of your ear, “I love you.” 

I love you, three words that made you feel sick to your stomach. You pretended to be asleep so you didn’t have to say anything back.

He gulped when he saw you flinch. It was for a brief second, he almost didn’t catch it, but he did. Your face twisted into a grimace when he said those three words. You stiffened in his arms, breath pausing. Draco could feel his heart chipping in his chest. He may have not known what love is, what love is supposed to look like, but he knew someone wouldn’t respond that way to another person’s declaration of love if they felt the same way. He tried to steady himself, keeping in mind that you were still laying on his chest and if he were to move, you’d stir awake and you’d be faced with an awkward and uncomfortable conversation. He wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet. 

Did you not love him? He began to think back, remembering the first time he told you he loved you. It was the night he told you about his dark mark. He remembered saying it so softly, almost inaudible, and you didn’t respond. You just kissed his skin until he stopped crying. Maybe you just didn’t hear him the first time. 

Then he thought about when he passed by you to get to his seat in Potions. He slowed his stride when he reached your seat, tapping three times on the wooden desk to get your attention. You looked up at him, blush evident on your cheeks when you saw the ring sitting proudly on his finger. He mouthed, “I love you,” before turning away. He didn’t hear you say it back but the yellow light from his ring seemed to be enough then. 

He thought about the time you two sat with Myrtle, telling her about your relationship. You both needed to tell someone, the stress of keeping everything a secret becoming too much for the two of you. You decided that Myrtle was your best bet. Myrtle teased that the two of you were in love and Draco confirmed the sentiment with a confident, “I do love her.” You, on the other hand, just kissed his lips. Maybe you knew that he would lose his train of thought once you kissed him. 

Draco realized then that after all those times that he told you he loved you, you never once said it back. Not wanting to expose you to another one of his breakdowns, he shook you awake, getting up before you could fully comprehend what was going on. “It’s getting late.” 

“Huh?” You rubbed your eyes, looking at the sky. It couldn’t have been later than midnight. You and Draco often stayed out there until dawn. You turned to him to ask what was happening but he already disappeared from his spot. He was halfway to the passageway already. Shocked, you jogged to catch up to him. You reached for his elbow, flinching when he pulled away. “What’s wrong?”

“Just need some rest.” 

You frowned, unable to hide the hurt on your face, “Oh, okay.” 

The rest of the way back to the garden was silent. He held out his wand for light to guide you both through the passageway, a few, hesitant, looks over his shoulder to make sure you were alright behind him. You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to radiate more body heat. Draco usually gave you his sweater to wear on the way back. 

Once you reached the door, he pushed it open, lowering his wand. He got out first and offered his hand for you to take. You placed your hand in his palm, allowing him to guide you out. You stood in front of him, silent, as he looked between your face and his shoes. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Draco, stop.” You gripped his upper arm, pulling him back. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Dra-”

“Ms. Y/LN,” A voice boomed from across the garden. As they emerged from the dark, it became evident who it was. Snape. Fuck, you thought. “Mr. Malfoy. May I ask what’s going on here? Where are the two of you coming from?”

You froze, realizing that the secret passageway was now exposed. You looked at Draco, mind racing. “I- We- uh..”

“It’s my fault, professor.” Draco spoke up, walking closer to Snape. “I dragged her out here. I invited her.” 

Snape looked at him unconvinced, but nodded anyway, “Very well. Twenty points from Slytherin and fifteen points from Hufflepuff. Mr. Malfoy return to your dormitory now. Ms. Y/L/N, a word.” 

“Okay, professor.” You replied, lowering your head in shame. 

Draco looked at you one last time, offering a sad smile, before starting to walk towards the boys’ dormitories. Snape stopped him before he passed him. He leaned close to Draco, seriousness in his voice, “Mr. Malfoy I sure hope you’re not forgetting your mission. I would hate to think that you’ve allowed a girl to distract you.” 

Draco clenched his jaw, harshly pulling away from Snape. He hastily wiped a tear from his face as he marched to the dormitories, leaving you and Snape in the garden. Snape motioned for you to follow him, and you did, albeit reluctantly. You stopped in front of the room where he kept all the ingredients for various potions. You’ve seen it, once or twice, when you helped the twins with a few pranks. 

Snape called for you to enter the room, shutting the door behind you. It was bigger than you imagined. In the middle sat a chair, surrounded by jars of random things. He ordered you to sit, nearly shoving you into the seat with how impatient he was. 

“Professor, wha-”

Before you could even ask a question, Snape raised his wand and uttered a spell. His words were too fast for you to realize what was going on. It wasn’t until you felt a sting in your head that you realized what he was doing. He was in your head. 

You tried to fight him at first but he was far too powerful for you to counter. He easily slipped past any walls you tried to build up and he scoured your head, looking and searching for something, but you weren’t quite sure what. Like a movie, flashes of your life began to pass behind your eyelids. Your parents, the muggle world, your father leaving, your mother leaving, Mr. Diggory telling you that they’re both gone the minute he found out, all of it came flooding in. You struggled against the chair, not realizing he bound you to it. You thrashed around, discomfort filling your head. 

And then he stopped searching. He let one memory play and you whimpered as you watched it unfold. It was Cedric. Young Cedric. It was the night after you found out your parents died. He snuck out of his room and sat across from you in the living room, handing you tissues as you sobbed into the pillow. His father was asleep in the room upstairs but Cedric couldn’t sleep because he heard your cries echoing throughout the house. 

His hands were so small against your back. He was rubbing your back up and down, trying to soothe you as you cried. You leaned against him and he awkwardly put his arm around you, not knowing what to do as he’s never been this close to a girl before. But then he felt you collapse under him, in utter despair as you questioned where you’d be living and if you would still have connections with the Wizard World now that your only relatives were Muggles, and he knew exactly what he needed to do. 

He nudged you and placed his hand out with his pinky outstretched. You linked your pinky with his, wiping your nose with your unoccupied hand. He smiled, “I promise to be your best friend forever.” 

“I promise too.” 

The pain came back. You yelled as Snape began to dig deeper. It was like your memories were sorted into files and he was just taking his pick, wanting to see what is in your head. He stopped at a memory from when you were 13 years old. It was the summertime and Mr. Diggory was out buying some food for dinner. You and Cedric were alone in the house talking about the past year at Hogwarts. You knew exactly what this day was. 

This was the day you had your first kiss. 

You couldn’t remember exactly how it even happened, or how the conversation started, but you somehow mentioned that you’ve never kissed anyone. Cedric snorted in laughter, clutching his stomach as you glared at him. He continued to make fun of you for a few more minutes before abruptly stopping. A sheepish smile crept on his face as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, “I can kiss you if you want.” 

Your eyes widened a bit, unsure of what to say next. You gulped and nodded, hesitantly, leaning in. He did the same, letting a breathy chuckle slip past his lips. The kiss lasted only for a minuscule of a second because Mr. Diggory burst through the front door, making the two of you jump far away from each other. The rest of the day, you sported a permanent blush on your cheeks. 

The last one was the most painful one. It seemed like Snape was torturing you, twisting your mind into shapes as he plucked out this one memory: Your conversation with Fred. You listened as the words rang in your ears, “I can see myself falling in love with him but I don’t want to.” 

Once those words left your lips, you were pulled back to reality with a sharp gasp. Snape had a devilish smile on his face, watching you plead him silently. He still had his wand out when he spoke again, “Your biggest desire is still Cedric Diggory.” 

“Why are you doing this?” You questioned, tears pricking your eyes. “What is the reason?”

He ignored your questions, letting a laugh escape his lips. “Draco Malfoy is hopelessly in love with you and you’re in love with Cedric Diggory.” 

“Stop.” You whispered, pulling against the restraints. 

“Unrequited love is a difficult love, Y/N Y/L/N.” He said. For a moment his exterior changed. A brief look of hurt was seen on his features as he said those words. “It’s the worst. I think I owe it to Mr. Malfoy to tell him that you don’t feel the same.” 

“You don’t know how I feel.” You spat. “Don’t you dare talk to Draco.” 

“Oh, but I must.” He brought his wand up again. “He does have to complete something after all and it seems you’ve been distracting him.”

Scowling, you asked, “What are you talking about?”

“Miss Y/L/N, love is a dangerous thing.” Snape stated. Then with a flick of his wand, he chanted, “Obliviate.”

-

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[kinksvt]

let me watch (m)

→ pairing: jeonghan x reader, wonwoo x reader, mingyu x reader, soonyoung x reader

♕ summary: when your coworkers come over for drinks, the night takes a not so unexpected turn.

✱ genre/warnings: overstimulation, degradation, dirty talk, rough sex, anal, double penetration, little bit of boy kissing boy action (not much)

✱ word count: 6.8k+

a/n: hello everyone!! so sorry it took me forever to post so hopefully this very long (and very sinful) smut makes up for it!! enjoy! :D

Today went by oddly slow for you. At your job, not very many people had come in to cash checks, open an account, etc. You sighed as you checked the time to see you still had over half an hour left until you could go home. Outside of your office you could see only one person talking your coworker at the front desk.

"Hey Y/N, you got a minute?" A voice said suddenly, when you shut your eyes for a quick second. It was your coworker and one of the first people you made friends with when you started working.

"Hey Mingyu! What's up?"

He walked inside of your office, "I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and a few other of my friends for drinks tonight? Since today's been really slow?"

"Sure! Who else is coming?" You replied, grinning.

"Just Wonwoo, and Soonyoung," Mingyu flashed a smile. "We can meet in the lot after work?"

"Sounds like a plan." You returned a smile to Mingyu as he left your office.

You were close with Mingyu and you only talked to Soonyoung once or twice for information on some accounts you were closing. You hadn't met Wonwoo yet and you were a bit nervous to. You pulled your phone out to text your boyfriend, Jeonghan.

[5:26 pm] You: hey baby! im gonna get some drinks with some friends after work, is that alright?

You and Jeonghan never really had an exactly "strict" relationship, per se. You weren't in a poly relationship, but not exactly a monogamous one either. Jeonghan didn't mind if guys looked, or touched, because he knew at the end of the day, you would still be his. He trusted you with his entire being and you never took advantage of that.

[5:27 pm] Jeonghan: girls or guys?

[5:27 pm] You: guys

[5:27 pm] Jeonghan: of course

[5:28 pm] Jeonghan: or

[5:28 pm] Jeonghan: you could bring the drinks to them?

[5:28 pm] You: what do you mean?

[5:29 pm] Jeonghan: invite them over, i wanna meet them

[5:29 pm] You: jeonghan dont be gay

[5:30 pm] Jeonghan: shut up haha, just come back home with them. plus i already miss you and i dont wanna spend anymore time alone

[5:30 pm] You: hmm, alright we'll see..

[5:31 pm] Jeonghan: heh, i love you baby

[5:31 pm] You: i love you too jeong, ill see you soon

It was finally closing time and you gathered your things, heading to the back towards the parking lot. You said goodbye to familiar faces and pushed the heavy door open. Just as Mingyu said, he and his two friends were waiting. You recognized Soonyoung but Wonwoo, was much more attractive than you were imagining. His hair was dark and slightly curly, round glasses sat on the bridge of his nose. Wonwoo was unbelievably handsome and you couldn't help but silently admire his looks.

"Oh, there she is- Y/N!" Mingyu said, snapping you out of your daze.

You blushed faintly as you walked towards them, looking down at the ground—missing the way Wonwoo scanned over your body. "Hi," you spoke shyly.

"Y/N, this is Soonyoung," Mingyu gestured towards the latter as you two bowed your heads politely. "And this is Wonwoo."

You nervously bowed at Wonwoo also while he did the same.

"So, should we head to Lee's Bar downtown?" Soonyoung questioned, rubbing his hands together.

"A-Actually! Uhm, I was wondering if we could make a change of plans?" You interrupted. You continued when all three of the men looked at you, "I-I was thinking that we could just, head to my house? And drink there?"

The men all glanced at each other curiously. "How come?" Mingyu asked.

"Well, we wouldn't have to pay-"

"I'm in," Wonwoo said, earning a laugh from the other two—and a slight giggle from you.

"Let's go!" Soonyoung said, skipping happily to his car.

...

The guys followed your car as you drove home, which gave you plenty of time to call Jeonghan and let him know that you four were on the way.

"Are they cute?"

You rolled your eyes as your boyfriend's laughter played in the background.

"C'mon, it's been so long since we had others join. Don't you think it'd be fun, kitten?"

"Jeonghan!" You exclaimed.

You heard Jeonghan laugh from the other line. "I'll see you at the house, kitten." Jeonghan ended the phone call, leaving you to internally, and not so internally, curse.

Damn him for turning you on.

...

"Wow, what a nice house!" Soonyoung shouted, closing his car door.

You forced a slight laugh, "Thanks." You headed up to the front door, fumbling to get your keys out.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Wonwoo asked, putting his hand on your shoulder.

Before you could respond, the door unlocked and opened, revealing your boyfriend with a big smile on his face. "Hello!"

Mingyu, Wonwoo and Soonyoung had confused looks on their faces as they all looked at you.

"Uh, guys, this is Jeonghan, my boyfriend."

You all walked inside the house and introduced them all. Jeonghan guided everyone to the kitchen where he began getting out different assorted drinks you two had in your cabinets.

Mingyu pulled you to the side, "Is it okay for us to be here? I mean like- is your boyfriend okay with it?"

"Oh yeah! He actually, uh, suggested it. He wanted to meet you all."

"Oh? Okay, I was just making sure." Mingyu smiled, showing off his canines which made you internally gush.

You and Mingyu joined the rest, who were laughing and seemed comfortable already. Everyone sat around the island, some drinking beer, some drinking wine.

"So how long have you and Y/N been dating?" Wonwoo asked Jeonghan.

Jeonghan looked at you, smiling. "Two years."

You nodded as Wonwoo's eyes flickered between the both of you. What neither of you knew though, was how hot of a couple Wonwoo thought you two were.

...

As the night progressed, everyone got more relaxed and loose. Soonyoung got more giggly, Wonwoo more flirty, Mingyu more shy and Jeonghan more suggestive. And you? You just knew something was bound to happen.

"Alright! Let's play 21 questions!" Jeonghan slurred slightly, opening up another can of beer.

"I didn't know we were back in grade school." You joked. "We might as well play Spin the Bottle and Seven Minutes in Heaven while we're at it."

Jeonghan smirked, his hand wrapping around your waist. "Well, the night is still young."

The guys drunkenly laughed as Soonyoung grabbed an empty bottle of wine you all had finished earlier. "Okay," he said as he spun the bottle.

"Wait, are we playing spin the bottle or 21 questions?" Wonwoo asked, confused.

"21 questions dumb dumb!" Jeonghan shouted, followed by a giggle.

"Alright, alright I'm sorry." Wonwoo held his hand up in defense, downing a shot of vodka.

"I'll spin first!" Jeonghan leaned over the island and spun the wine bottle, landing on Mingyu. "Hm, Mingyu." He said, pausing. "How many people have you slept with?"

Mingyu's eyes widened. He stuttered, glancing between Jeonghan and you. "U-Uhm, I, I-I don't-"

"Jeonghan! We didn't say this was going to be dirty!" You punched his shoulder, making him wince.

"C'mon Mingyu, how many?" Jeonghan poked, taking a sip of his beer.

Mingyu hummed before answering a quiet "3."

"Aw, so cute Mingyu!" Wonwoo threw his arm around Mingyu's shoulder, kissing the top of his head as he struggled to get out of his grip.

Mingyu's cheeks blushed while he spun the bottle landing on you. "Uh, Y/N, ahem, are you, a virgin?"

You smiled amusedly, curious to why Mingyu thought you were.

"She was before she met me." Jeonghan informed, winking at Mingyu.

You pursed your lips into a thin line, as you took a large chug of wine and spun in return. "Soonyoung, have you ever had a wet dream?"

Soonyoung coughed loudly, his drink going down the wrong pipe. He held his chest as Mingyu patted his back harshly. You smirked as you finished off your drink, feeling as confident and suggestive as your boyfriend. "I-I, I don't know? Maybe?"

You smiled deviously, succeeding in making him flustered. Soonyoung spun the bottle, trying to hide the warmth that spread across his face. "Uhm, Jeonghan." Soonyoung hesitated before continuing, "Where's the craziest place you've, done it?"

Jeonghan couldn't help but smile whilst thinking of the place.

It was during the summertime last year when you and Jeonghan stayed with one of his friends.

You wore an outfit that was slightly revealing, knowing it would mess with Jeonghan.

What you didn't know though, was that it would end up with him dragging you into the bathroom and fucking you on the sink. He held his hand over your mouth because you two had to be quiet, which only turned the both of you on even more. His friend was just in the kitchen, feet away.

Jeonghan could still hear you cries of pleasure in his mind, your whimpers and whines trying their best to stay silent.

He remembered the day vividly—a little too vividly.  "A-Anyway!" Jeonghan said, twirling the bottle and feeling his pants get tight.

"But Jeonghan you didn't-" Soonyoung started.

"I SAID ANYWAY." Jeonghan retorted back as Soonyoung shrunk in his seat. The neck of the bottle pointed at you and Jeonghan smirked. "Y/N," he began.

Uh oh. You had a bad feeling about this.

"If you had to fuck anyone here, who would it be?"

The room fell silent. The guests' hearts felt as if they stopped.

Why would Jeonghan ask such a question?

Even if they thought it wasn't appropriate for Jeonghan to ask, they all still found themselves on edge for your answer. They all desperately wanted it to be them.

Your cheeks felt as if they were on fire, you probably looked like a tomato in front of your friends, and your douchebag, horny boyfriend. "I don't want to answer that." Was all you could manage to get out as you looked into your glass and took a drink, avoiding eye contact with any of the boys.

You wanted to absolutely vanish into thin air right then and there. You knew Jeonghan didn't have any shame in you confessing who you wish to have sex with. But having to choose between three of your friends? In front of them?

"C'mon babe, I know that you find at least one of them attractive in that way." Jeonghan stated, eyeing each of the boys.

"Jeonghan, you are seriously making me feel uncomfortable. I can only imagine how they must feel." You refused to make eye contact with anything breathing until you were alone.

"I wanna know.." You looked up, meeting Wonwoo's gaze. He was looking at you, like he had been this entire night.

Wonwoo thought it was adorable how confident you were just minutes ago compared to how flustered and shy you are now. "Come on Y/N, don't be nervous. We all wanna know."

With that, everyone else's confidence was restored and they all waited on your answer.

"I-I don't know," you stuttered.

It's not that you didn't know. Hell, it wasn't even because you didn't want to answer. It was just, how were you supposed to choose only one? How were you supposed to confess that you'd screw everyone here?

"We won't be offended." Mingyu said, raising his eyebrow whilst speaking.

"Okay," you sighed. You closed your eyes and nervously breathed in. "I don't know how to choose." You simply said and the boys all looked at each other.

"Well, like Mingyu said, we won't be offended." Soonyoung mentioned.

"It's not that," you paused and took another breath in. "I just can't pick only one of you."

Soonyoung, Wonwoo and Mingyu's ears all perked up.

"Huh?" Mingyu made a noise.

Jeonghan smirked as his plan started to come together.

"Uhm, w-what I'm saying is that I'd-"

"She's saying she'd fuck all of you guys, okay?" Jeonghan stated, nonchalantly—opening yet another can of beer.

The room was still silent, aside from Jeonghan's slurping noises from next to you. You were actually kind of turned on, and so were the rest of the guys.

Jeonghan knew what everyone in the room wanted and he wasted no time in saying so. "Are we gonna all fuck or what? I'm getting kinda hard over here." You felt your cheeks getting warm at his question. Jeonghan took a few more sips and he exhaled loudly, standing up. "Come here kitten." He said, making your eyes widen in embarrassment.

"Jeonghan-" you began but he cut you off before you could finish. You were so flustered and for some strange reason, it turned you on. Jeonghan grabbed your wrist, taking you to the living room and the boys watched you two with their eyes.

Wonwoo turned to the other boys and mouthed, "Kitten?"

The two shrugged in response, looking back to you and Jeonghan.

"Jeonghan, what are you doing?" You hissed as he glanced over to the boys. They all looked at you both intensely, watching your every move and waiting for the next.

Smirking, he leaned down in your ear and whispered. "We're gonna give them a show." Jeonghan grabbed your chin and pulled your head closer to him, trapping your lips in a kiss. He held your jaw as you gasped in surprise. It felt wrong doing this in front of others, even though you've done it before. So, why did it feel so different now? How will things be after this? Will it be normal? Will things be awkward at work now?

All of those thoughts flew out of your mind when Jeonghan pushed his tongue into your mouth, making you moan softly. The boys all heard it and gulped, blood rushing down to all of their cocks. They watched as you and Jeonghan made out, seeing the different roles being played. You, of course, were the submissive and the fact it was so obvious how much power Jeonghan had over you, was—to say the least—extremely hot. Jeonghan had your face in his hand, him leading the kiss and you melting over it, following his steps. He grabbed your waist with his other hand and pulled you closer, making you feel his cock press against you. The others didn't know what to do, watching with drooling mouths and desperate eyes.

After you two made out for, what seemed like hours, Jeonghan pulled away. Both of your lips dark pink, glistening with each other's saliva. Jeonghan chuckled, "Get on your knees." You swallowed, his words affecting you to no end and you obeyed his command. Keeping eye contact, you lowered yourself to the ground and waited. "Watch and learn boys. Soon, you'll be able to be in this position. If you want to, of course." Jeonghan said to your audience. He began to unbutton his pants when midway he motioned his head to toward them to come closer.

Mingyu, Wonwoo and Soonyoung looked at one another, hesitantly standing up awkwardly. With their cocks hardening quickly, they moved slowly to the couch that was a couple feet behind you.

Jeonghan spoke to you in a hushed voice, "Look at how hard they all are already kitten." His eyebrow was raised, looking at the three and he shuffled out of his pants.

You looked back at them, noting the slight blush on their cheeks and—just as Jeonghan said—their stiff cocks, straining against their jeans. You bit your lip and took a leap of faith. "You guys can take those off if you want," you whispered, giving them all an innocent look.

Wonwoo was the first to move, smirking at you and undoing his belt. The others followed suit, making you smile to yourself. Jeonghan grabbed your chin and made you face him. He had his underwear on still, his hard cock evident against it. Jeonghan gave you a look, silently telling you to get going. "How about you show your little friends what that pretty mouth can do, hm?"

Nodding, you looked up at him as you slid your fingers underneath the waistband, beginning to drag them down his legs. Jeonghan's cock sprung out and you didn't hesitate to shuffle closer, kissing his head.

He hummed, running his fingers through your hair and gathering it all in a ponytail. Jeonghan mumbled, "Come on kitten, don't tease me."

You felt yourself blushing once more at Jeonghan using your pet name on you. You felt exposed now that they all knew you liked being called that. Doing as he said, you took Jeonghan's length in your hand and wrapped your lips around it. Jeonghan threw his head back, moaning and guiding your head slowly with his hand that held all of your hair. You stroked the part of his cock that you couldn't take, knowing already how to get Jeonghan close to the edge in minutes.

The others merely stared at you in awe. They all wondered how it must feel to be sucked off by you; from the way Jeonghan is moaning and groaning, it has be good. Mingyu bit his lip, swallowing and holding back his moans. Soonyoung was teasing the head of his cock, imagining he was Jeonghan instead and his hand was yours. Wonwoo stroked himself languidly, the tip an angry red; he's never been this turned on before in a long time. They all enjoyed watching you, the only noise filling the room being the pornographic sucking and gagging noises.

"Does it feel good?" Soonyoung asked quietly.

Jeonghan opened his eyes, looking at Soonyoung with half-lidded eyes. "God, yes. She always does." He took his lip between his teeth, looking back down at you.

You bobbed your head quick on Jeonghan's cock, slowing down when you started pulling off. An advantage of Jeonghan being completely whipped for you? Being able to get him off quicker than the average man because he enjoys what you do to him that much.

Jeonghan's moans started getting higher and more frequent, signaling that he was getting close. You took your hand and gently played with his balls, making him moan loudly. As best as you could, you took all of him in your mouth until his length hit the back of your throat. "Kitten," he rasped. "I'm gonna cum." Jeonghan threw his head back and his mouth opened, releasing a long, loud whine—cumming in your mouth.

You released his length with a pop noise and swallowed his cum, knowing it would please him even more. Jeonghan said and ran his fingers through your hair. "Such a good kitten for me." He smirked and leaned down to kiss you.

You whimpered as Jeonghan bit your lip and stood up straight, looking at the boys who were pleasing themselves. He walked over beside the couch they were on, in all of his naked glory. "How does another show sound, guys?"

They all glanced over at him.

"Another show?" Soonyoung questioned.

Jeonghan gave you a look and you nodded, knowing what he meant.

You unbuttoned your pants, slowly moving them down your legs. You thanked the Gods that you had shaved only a day beforehand. Making sure to keep eye contact with each of them for a few seconds, you stripped yourself of your clothes. Wonwoo kept stroking himself, feeling his cock get even harder as each piece of clothing landed on the floor. Mingyu wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he's had the biggest crush on you since you began working. And he's always admired the way you looked, even in work clothes. But seeing you like this, would be something he wouldn't forget for a very long time.

After you had stripped yourself of your clothes, you stood there only in your undergarments. You crossed your arms, feeling slightly self conscious in front of everyone.

"Can I touch her, Jeonghan?" Wonwoo asked suddenly.

"Yes, you can. You guys can do whatever you want with her, I know she'll enjoy it. Isn't that right, kitten?"

You gulped and hummed an approval, feeling like just a toy for them all to play with yet also a piece of art for them to worship. It made you feel a bit powerful also knowing that all of them were hard because of you and wanted to touch you, use you.

Wonwoo stood up, his cock against his stomach. You couldn't help but stare for a while, take note of the veins, length and his girth—which surprised you. "You like what you see, babygirl?" Wonwoo's voice sent a shiver up your spine and back down to your core. You crossed your legs, giving yourself a bit of friction between your thighs. He noticed and smirked, "Is that a yes?"

Wonwoo walked closer to you, intimidating you with his piercing eyes and dark stare. You nodded and he put his hand behind your neck, his mouth by your ear. "That's not an answer, sweetheart." His breath fanned your ear and neck, making you moan quietly. "She's easily flustered, yeah?" Wonwoo asked Jeonghan, yet still facing you.

"Oh yeah, definitely. Little kitten gets so shy whenever anyone does anything to her."

Wonwoo trailed his fingertip along your body, down your arm and down the front of your chest, creating goosebumps in its wake. "Is that so?"

"Wonwoo," you breathed out. "Please touch me." Your body was screaming and so was your pussy. You ached and wanted to be touched, badly. You weren't sure how much longer you could last without bursting.

"Needy, babygirl?" Wonwoo smirked and walked even closer to you that you could feel his hard-on pressing against your core.

You whined, slightly moving your hips to create more friction.

"Did your little pussy get wet from sucking off Jeonghan?" Before you could respond, Wonwoo's hand dipped between the two of you, between your thighs. His middle finger ran between your clothed folds, and he hummed. "You're soaked babygirl, you ruined your pretty underwear."

You whimpered at the feeling of Wonwoo's light touch, and also the way he talked to you—as if this wasn't his first time doing this with you. He seemed so natural and nonchalant about it all.

"You like it when your boyfriend watches other boys touch you?" His finger began rubbing you, stimulating your swollen clit. Wonwoo lowered his voice so only you were able to hear him, "Makes you feel like a slut, right?" Your eyebrows furrowed and you had to hold onto Wonwoo's shoulder. Lust clouded your mind and your knees grew weak, making him smirk at your reaction. "Go sit on the couch, babygirl."

You did, and it was then when you realized just how intently the other guys were looking at you. Mingyu's hair stuck to his forehead, Soonyoung's face was flushed and Jeonghan was, Jeonghan. All of the head of their cocks were red and you took a quick moment to admire the size difference, and girth difference. You were excited to say the least.

"Can you guys get on with it please? My boner is starting to hurt." Mingyu suddenly blurted out.

Wonwoo pushed you down on the couch, making you lay down. "Come join us then, little Gyu," he teased. Wonwoo's fingers hooked the band of your underwear and slowly pulled them down your legs.

"Fuck you." The latter retorted back while walking towards the both of you.

Wonwoo stood up, discarding your stained, damp underwear on the floor. "I mean, if you really want to." He got closer to Mingyu's face, challenging him.

Your clit throbbed at the scene. Wonwoo was more cocky and confident then you ever thought he was capable of, despite Mingyu having a couple inches on him. They both stared each other down, before Mingyu grabbed the side of Wonwoo's neck and slammed their lips together.

"Oh shit," You heard Soonyoung say on the side. Everyone's eyes widened as the two began making out roughly.

Gulping, you couldn't wait any longer and began touching yourself. You ran a finger up your folds, gathering your wetness and slowly inserting one inside of you. You bit your lip as you watched Mingyu and Wonwoo as best as you could before your eyes fluttered shut.

"Here, let me help you," a voice whispered next to you.

"Please," you mewled, whining, needing to cum soon.

Soonyoung grabbed your hips and turned you. He sat on the floor in front of your legs and lifted them over his shoulders. Without warning, Soonyoung's tongue entered you, making your back arch and cry out his name. He moaned against you, sending vibrations up your body. "Fuck angel, you taste so good." Soonyoung's tongue thrusted in and out of you, curling and poking. He sucked on your clit expertly and all you could do was spill out curses and chants of his name.

Wonwoo and Mingyu had stopped their harsh kissing once they heard you. Jeonghan, still sitting on the opposite couch, had his cock in his fist. He slowly stroked his length while watching how your face contorted and mouth open from how good Soonyoung ate you out. It turned him on to no end seeing all of them enjoy you so much. That was his girl.

Mingyu sat on the couch next to you and he couldn't help but smile darkly. You looked like a mess—a pretty mess, to him. He leaned in and kissed you, muffling your cries of pleasure. Mingyu sucked on your lower lip as a request of entrance and you accepted. His and your tongues rolled together in a way that had both of your heads spinning. You tried focusing on his tongue in your mouth but failed, only paying attention to Soonyoung's tongue in your heat.

Wonwoo felt left out and joined the three of you, sitting on the opposite side of you and beginning to massage your breasts through your bra. You moaned inside of Mingyu's mouth loudly, feeling Wonwoo's fingers slip into your bra and pinch your nipples.

"F-Fuck, I'm gonna cum." You gasped when you pulled away from Mingyu.

"Go ahead princess," Mingyu said, pausing, "let go." He whispered in your ear, sending a tingle down your back and throwing you off the edge. You came on Soonyoung's tongue with a shout that had your back arching off the couch and mouth dropping open.

Soonyoung looked up at you from between your legs. "Good girl." He gave you a kiss on your clit, making you jolt.

You laid on the couch, your core feeling numb and mind clouded.

"Hey," Mingyu said, bringing you out of your ecstasy filled trance. "Think you can help me out now?"

Giggling slightly, you nodded and stood up. "You want me to ride you, Mingyu?"

"Fuck yeah." He gasped, gripping your hips tightly and bringing you closer to him.

Fulfilling his wish, you held onto his shoulders and balanced yourself, getting ready to straddle him. He laid down on the couch and you climbed on top of him.

Mingyu moaned when you rubbed your folds against his cock. "Oh my god, t-that feels so good," he purred. He placed his arms behind his head, watching your movements on his dick. You and Mingyu's moans mixed together in harmony along with the sounds of how wet you were.

"You two look so good," Jeonghan teased, walking towards the couch.

You looked back at him, hips still moving. "Do we?" Humming, you smirked at him and gave him a look.

Jeonghan bent his knee, leaning into the couch while his other leg stood planted on the ground. He tugged your hair back, "Yes you do, kitten. Are you enjoying the boys?"

You gulped as you looked up at him. "I-I am," you replied.

He hummed in response and let go of your hair, letting his hand wrap around your throat. "Ride him now kitten, stop torturing him."

Mingyu smirked, looking at the scene unfold above him while you nodded and did as Jeonghan ordered. Jeonghan kept his hand around your throat as you grabbed Mingyu's length and lined it up at your entrance. You moved his head against your pussy, making the both of you moan. Finally, you sank onto Mingyu's cock while Jeonghan watched from behind you. Mingyu groaned at the feeling of your walls around him. "Y-You're so tight," he said breathlessly.

You whimpered, "You're so big." Your hips began moving against his slowly. Mingyu was big. Bigger than Jeonghan and definitely the thickest among the group.

"Yeah? Is my cock filling you up, princess?" You moaned at Mingyu's dirty words—you always loved it when Jeonghan talked like that, but hearing it from Mingyu's mouth turned you on even more. "You like that, don't you princess? I felt your little pussy clench around my dick when I said that."

"M-Mingyu," your loins felt like they were on fire. Mingyu's words were so lewd and uncensored—and you fucking loved it. You didn't want him to stop at any moment. Pleading, you gripped his shoulders tight—fingernails beginning to dig into his skin.

"What's wrong, princess?" Mingyu asked when you started whimpering over and over again.

Your walls hugged his cock, the sounds of you riding him present throughout the room. You felt Jeonghan's weight on the couch disappear and be replaced. A hand pushed your back down, making you hunch over Mingyu's chest. That same hand trailed up your neck and his finger slid into your mouth. You sucked on it, muffling your whines as it swirled around, gathering your saliva.

"Good girl," the voice whispered by your ear. Suddenly, that finger prodded at your hole, pulling a yelp out of you.

"Soonyoung," you gasped as his finger entered you and you halted your movements on Mingyu's cock.

He laughed slightly, "Jeonghan told me you don't mind this, is that right?" You turned to find your boyfriend sitting on the couch, his cock in his hand and a shit-eating grin on his face. As you were about to respond, Soonyoung thrusted his finger deeper in you, cutting off your sentence with a loud moan. "I said, is that right?"

You nodded, your mouth agape as Mingyu slowly fucked up into your pussy. "Oh my god," you breathed shakily. "Y-Yes, i-it's true." That ball in your stomach began to heat up, feeling Soonyoung's finger curl in you and Mingyu's cock hit the deepest parts of you and stretching you out in the most delicious way.

"You better not cum yet, princess." Mingyu growled from under you.

"Please," you begged. Soonyoung added another finger inside you, making you yell that you were sure the neighbor's would hear.

Whilst trying your best to hold back your orgasm, Mingyu snapped his hips up in you. You screamed and accidentally came around him. Your thighs and body shook as your hands desperately grasped onto Mingyu so that you didn't fall on top of him. Your eyes rolled back, pleasure overtaking every single vein in your body.

Mingyu tsked, "Bad princess." He suddenly spanked you and fucked into you again, not giving you anytime to come down from your high. You moaned loudly as Soonyoung smirked and began fucking your ass whilst Mingyu abused your walls.

You couldn't even process what was happening, your mind elsewhere while you were merely getting fucked in each holes. You couldn't speak at all, even if you tried only pathetic whines would come out. Jeonghan and Wonwoo cooed at you, enjoying your desperate cries as you were being overstimulated.

"She's okay, right?" Wonwoo whispered to the older male.

He nodded his head, "She's had worse done to her." Jeonghan winked at Wonwoo and they both turned their attention back towards you, touching themselves.

"What's wrong, angel? Can't handle being stuffed so much?" Soonyoung teased, making fun of you—not caring that you weren't prepared to cum again.

You felt another orgasm gearing up quickly and you warned the two.

Mingyu caught Soonyoung's eye and inaudibly told him to stop when he said so without your knowledge. When he felt your walls pulse around him a second time, he looked at Soonyoung. Before you were able to release, both of the men stopped. Soonyoung's fingers slipped out of you while Mingyu stilled.

"W-Why did you stop?" You whined. Neither of them answered. You turned around to see Soonyoung dripping lube from a small bottle onto his cock. Gulping, you mentally prepared for Soonyoung to fuck you from behind while Mingyu fucked your pussy. The thought of having both of their cocks in you at once had your head spinning.

"Ready, angel?" Soonyoung asked you, holding onto your shoulder with one hand while his other guided his length. When you nodded, he slowly but surely eased his cock inside of you. You winced at the feeling and told Soonyoung to wait.

Rather than feeling Soonyoung move, Mingyu began to slide his cock in your heat to distract you and help you relax. When Soonyoung thought you were okay enough, he pulled out of you almost all the way and slid back in a bit quicker. "God, you feel so fucking good." Soonyoung hissed. He grabbed your hips and began to fasten his pace. The three of you all moaned in sync, when Soonyoung pulled back, Mingyu thrusted his hips up into you.

"I'm close," Mingyu said, moans gradually getting higher. He sped up his thrusts as Soonyoung kept his pace.

You felt your orgasm quickly approaching once again, the pleasure mixed with the pain of being stretched out made it all too much for you. You couldn't remember the last time you had experienced such euphoria coursing through your body and you loved it; you wanted more and more. You threw your head back, shamelessly moaning out both of the men's names.

Mingyu bit his lip, as he pushed his head back into the couch. With a loud, long moan, he came inside you, triggering your own orgasm. The both of you came while Soonyoung slowed down slightly. Mingyu smirked as he pulled out of you and watched his cum began to seep out as well. He shuffled from under you, moving to stand next to Wonwoo and Jeonghan.

"My turn?" Wonwoo questioned.

"She's all yours," Jeonghan replied, moaning slightly as he stroked himself quicker.

Wonwoo smiled as he sprinted over to you and Soonyoung. "Hey babygirl, ready to give me a hand?" He said, bent over to look at you face to face.

You merely nodded, whining every time Soonyoung thrusted all the way inside of you. You turned your head and opened your mouth, waiting for Wonwoo's cock.

"Tongue out." He ordered, touching himself as he got closer to you.

With your tongue out—as told—you waited and closed your eyes, feeling Wonwoo's length finally make contact with your mouth. Wonwoo ran his fingers through your hair, pushing you further onto himself. He groaned lowly, biting his lip and watching you from above.

"Don't forget I'm here too, angel," Soonyoung said from behind you. He gripped your shoulder and held your hip, fastening his pace.

You moaned around Wonwoo before releasing him, "I-I don't think I'd be able to," you replied.

"Yeah? Does it feel good, angel?" Soonyoung licked his lips, feeling himself getting close.

You hummed before continuing to suck off Wonwoo. You took as much as you could, the tip of his cock brushing the back of your throat, making you gag slightly and pull off. A trail of saliva connecting your mouth to the head of his cock.

"You're so good at this, babygirl," he leaned in closer to your ear. "How many cocks you think have been in that slutty mouth of yours? Hm?"

Soonyoung hissed when he felt you clench around him, capturing Wonwoo's attention. "You like being degraded, babygirl?"

You looked up at him with an innocent look. Hell yes.

Wonwoo stroked your cheek, pulling a piece of loose hair behind your ear before grabbing your face. "You like being treated a bit rough, don't you?"

Gulping, you nodded. You cried out when you heard a loud smack and felt a sharp sting on your ass. You glanced behind you, seeing Soonyoung staring you down, his eyes the darkest they've ever been.

"I asked you a question," Wonwoo said in a serious tone. He made you look at him in the eyes.

"Y-Yes I do. I-I like being degraded a-and treated rough," you managed to get out, holding back your moans in between your words.

"Good girl," he petted your hair. "Now, you're gonna take Soonyoung like a good slut while you suck me off. Okay?" Wonwoo informed you, feigning a soft voice, despite having entire control over you.

"Okay," you breathed.

Wonwoo's mouth opened, signaling you to do the same. He slid his cock back inside of your mouth the second you followed his action. He bit his lip and pushed your head all the way onto his dick, holding you in place.

Your eyes squeezed shut, tears pricking the corners as you tried to relax your throat and breathe through your nose. You looked up at Wonwoo, making him laugh mercilessly. "What's the matter? Can't take all of my cock in that little mouth of yours?"

Your clit pulsed with pleasure, his words flipping your stomach and making your pussy wet with need.

Soonyoung's cock twitched inside of you, getting turned on by how slutty you really are for every one of them. He looked at what was happening in front of him, building his orgasm up quickly. "You look so pretty with your mouth stuffed, angel." He cooed.

Wonwoo finally released his grip on the back of your hair again, and you pulled back, gasping for air. You coughed slightly, spit dripping down the corner of your mouth and a teardrop rolling down your cheek. "Such a good whore for us, aren't you, babygirl?" He purred, wiping away your stray tear with his thumb.

You quivered, feeling your own orgasm beginning to approach. "I'm gonna cum soon," you shuddered.

"Me too," Soonyoung panted, his breath hitching in his throat as he began to fuck into you faster than before.

"S-Soonyoung, fuck!" You cried out, gripping the arm of the couch and letting your body fall onto the cushion.

He slipped his hand between your thighs and found your clit, rubbing it harshly.

A moan ripped out of you, your back arching. You whined over and over again, feeling overstimulated but at the same time desperate for your release.

"Come on," Soonyoung huffed. "Cum for me angel." He slipped two of his fingers inside of you and began curling them, scavenging for your sweet spot.

You began to cry from how overstimulated you were, the ball in your stomach unraveling all over the place. You came hard on Soonyoung's fingers, eventually squirting onto—not only his fingers, but the couch as well. You screamed as Soonyoung halted, cumming inside of you shortly after.

The three watching stood silently, mouths agape as they witnessed you squirt.

"I haven't seen her cum like that in a long time," Jeonghan rasped.

Soonyoung pulled his cock out of you, his cum dripping out and down the back of your leg.

You laid there, ass in the air and completely sensitive and worn out.

"Wonwoo, did you cum in her yet?" Mingyu asked suddenly.

"No, but, I think I'll give her a break." Wonwoo replied. "Maybe next time."

"Next time?" Jeonghan quirked his eyebrow. "You think I'm just gonna let you fuck my girlfriend again?" He said sternly.

"Well, I quite enjoyed my time here. I know they did and I'm certain she did as well. So, I'm only assuming we can make another arrangement sometime soon."

Jeonghan looked over towards you. You got up from the couch, limping to the group of men. "I would love to do this again. Please Jeonghan?" You cooed, pursing your bottom lip and holding onto his bicep.

He growled slightly, "Anything for my kitten." He kissed the top of your head. "Alright boys, you had your fun. Get your clothes and go, I gotta clean her up."

The other boys slightly cheered, happy there will be another time. They all took turns going in and out of your bathroom, cleaning up and pulling their clothes back on

Eventually, one by one, they all left you and Jeonghan's house, leaving the two of you to clean up.

...

Jeonghan ran a hot shower for both of you, allowing you to enter first. You moaned as the water hit your back.

"Have fun tonight, kitten?" Jeonghan asked, stepping in behind you.

You let out a soft "mhm," giving him a big grin.

"I'm glad, you were very good for all of them." He pulled you close to him, giving you a tight hug.

You giggled into his chest, "But Jeonghan, you didn't get to cum in me." You pouted.

Jeonghan chuckled, "Who said I wasn't going to?" He pushed you against the wall and grabbed your legs.

[asterekmess]

S3A - E7

So, I’m starting this episode right after finishing the last one, and I’m still kinda riled up from that bullshit. Let’s get to pissing me off and breaking my heart then. Blood/gore mention warnings for this episode.

Exercise your eyes! Read More!

Let’s just jump right in:

Starting right off with forcing myself into putting the tag in. Scott literally just listened to his mother say that giving this woman something to lessen the pain of her injuries could complicate things and make it harder to treat her. This is like an important medical thing. While yes, it’s really upsetting that she would need to keep being in pain, she needs to be able to identify and explain what exactly she’s feeling to the doctor who is going to be arrive really soon (though I have no idea why the nurses aren’t able to get these people set up. That’s what they did with me? I didn’t see a doctor for like an hour, but they didn’t make me sit in the fucking waiting room before dealing with the blood.) Her pain level will have a direct effect on how quickly she’s seen. This moment is meant to show Scott being soft-hearted, but with the doctor only ten minutes away, he could literally be making this woman’s life a whole lot worse by taking away her pain right now. There is a reason why after I was given pain killers for my surgery I wasn’t allowed to be near any heavy objects. Her pain is keeping her from irritating her wound. She could fuck herself up if she stops responding to the signals her body is trying to send her. This is not the right way to make Scott look kind. He looks like an idiot who doesn’t even listen to his nurse mom.

WHo the FUCK would keep driving with a bunch of bugs in the car? She’s not even on the interstate! PULL OVER IDIOT.

I’m actually agreeing with Scott on this one. I have no idea how medically accurate what melissa just did was, but it look pretty damn cool.

WHat the hell is this conversation? First off, Ethan, you made VERY clear in the last episode that you want to bite Danny even after he said no. Even if that was the possession talking, it was based on what YOU wanted. Danny’s not safe with you. Second, what is this bullshit about knowing Lydia is the important one? Important to Stiles and ALlison maybe. Scott literally never talks to Lydia. THIRD how exactly did you guys come up with that idea when you went after them on the FIRST DAY? You sniff him on them? cus’ if so your noses are damaged.

what...what is with this ghost car shit? She was in the middle of the city, more than ten minutes away from the hospital and behind the traffic caused by the ten car pileup. How did the car drive itself ALL THE WAY here?

Ethan. you’re an alpha. you have night vision. You shouldn’t need to ask what the fucking MOTH in the middle of the driver’s seat is.

HI NOAH! I’ll be honest. I missed you. You’re a really good actor and you just make me feel all safe. WHich is weird bc I hate father figures and I hate cops. Linden Ashby is just too good, I guess.

It’s so frustrating watching Deucalion walk around with humans pretending to be blind. Because he is. He is Pretending to be blind. He’s already proved like a dozen times that he can see just fine when he turns on the Alpha eyes. Which doesn’t make SENSE because Deaton said his iris’ were permanently damaged. He doesn’t have two different sets of eyes! And it sucks, bc they put in these little things that it would’ve been awesome to see if they included an actual blind person properly. The casual use of the cane, taking someone’s elbow and the trust that implies, and even this. Having (that looks like ethan’s coat) Ethan explain what’s in front of Deucalion, describing the scene to him.

DEREK YOUR SECURITY SYSTEM SUCKS. HOW DID THEY DO THAT WITHOUT YOU WAKING UP? WITHOUT CORA NOTICING?

Also, Cora, you look amazing, can you please be my friend and can I hug you? I love your shirt.

I HATE THIS BITCH. Fuck you Julia.

uhh....why is an English teacher filling in for a chemistry/geometry teacher? That’s not how substitutes work. Making a joke out of it doesn’t make it make any more sense. SHe shouldn’t be doing that, especially if Harris has been missing for a while.

So your office can keep werewolves out, but not darach? Okay, let me go full conspiracy theorist here. we only know Deaton saw the moths because we see it. He just tells Scott that he’s going to be taken. This is a story that Scott is telling, so he couldn’t know that deaton saw the moths unless deaton told him. Julia is currently teaching a class. Are you seriously saying she doesn’t need to be involved at all in order to do these kidnappings? She can just put them on a timer and let the autmoatic spellwork do the job for her? OR Is deaton lying about being taken, and this is just a test he came up with to force Scott’s “True Alpha”ness to the surface? JUlia clearly had other plans for her sacrifice. I don’t think Deaton was a ‘distraction’ to keep Scott from finding the actual sacrifice. I think it was Deaton using the situation to his advantage.

why does deaton have a canine acupressure chart on his wall? I’ve never seen a vet’s office have that. Does he do alternative medicine for dogs??

BOYD. ISAAC. MY BOYS. I can’t tell you how much I love this. It’s so sneaky and annoying and so pack-ish I just love it so much.

BOYD YOU ARE A GENIUS BOY AND I LOVE YOU.

I swear, like ninety percent of what the ‘adults’ in this show say is ‘go back to school.’ ‘shouldn’t you be in school’ yadda yadda. Like, they want so badly to write the teens as though they never have to go to class, so they just make them constantly skip and ignore that these are fucking teenagers who would never be able to get out of school that easily, and they handwave it with someone occasionally going ‘hmm, weird that they aren’t in school’ and then just ignoring it? Truancy is like a THING that you can get in major trouble for. At least Boyd and Isaac called in sick. You know how you could have avoided all this class bullshit? PUT THE FUCKING SEASON DURING THE SUMMERTIME DUMBASSES.

It just hurts seeing Stiles beg for Scott not to make him tell his dad, and then turn right around and admit that it’s not okay for him to let other people suffer just because it scares him that he might lose his only parent. Like, he walks into that sacrifice with eyes wide fucking open and it hurts.

I’m not talking about these dumb sex scenes anymore. I’m so tired of them.

OKay, can we talk about the fire alarm thing though? It sounds like a jokey kind of thing with Aiden teasing Lydia about wanting to leave during the fire alarm but... Remember how Lydia was haunted by Peter’s burnt corpse? How she can hear the cries of the dead, and how she went wandering into the crumbling remains of the Hale house? There’s every chance that Lydia remembers the fire through Peter’s eyes. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was forever freaked by fire alarms.

Man, Cora and Lydia, together? The sass involved? If I didn’t ship Allydia so hard, I’d totally ship Cora and Lydia.

ONce again, I wanna point out that AIDEN IS A MURDERER. Literally all it would take is someone Explaining to Lydia that he is serial killer and she’d never touch him again.

Cora and Stiles together? I’m loving it. I just, wanna point out that when Scott showed up Cora couldn’t have given less of a shit. But here....Cora doesn’t remotely question Stiles’ authority here. She immediately goes along with it and when he tells her to let go of Cora she does. Even though she has no real reason to. When she asks about the spirit board, it’s a legit question and she doesn’t argue or make fun.

PLus there’s the whole ‘Well do you know any spirits” which straight up just confirms for me that ghosts and shit are real in this universe. I trust the Hales as lore sources and Cora’s matter-of-fact tone is good enough for me.

jesus christ i wanna get deucalion and Peter in a room together and watch them just...monologue random facts and trivia at each other endlessly. “Lacrosse was originally played by Native Americans.” “Do you know what a metronome is?” Guys. come on.

Exasperated Stiles is literally my favorite Stiles. “We’re trying to save lives here for the love of god” “YOU”RE SOMETHING, OKay? JUST put out your Hand” It’s so fucking good.

Someone EXPLAIN TO ME how Scott learned to do fucking gymnastics. WHEN DID HE LEARN THIS? I hate this bullshit “I’m a werewolf, so I can do anything” shit. Especially since it’s LITERALLY just Scott they let do it. Everyone else has to actually do the work to learn it.

So...how exactly does Deucalion know where Deaton is? This literally just supports my theory that Deaton set the whole thing up.

ALSO, since I already have the tag I feel no shame in pointing out that Scott didn’t even HESITATE when he learned Derek was going to die. He immediately asked about Deaton. Yeah yeah, Deaton is a father figure to him, but if that’s an acceptable excuse for Scott to use now, then it should count as an acceptable one when it’s STILES” FATHER BEING THREATENED (but I digress, we’re not there yet.)

How did I never notice that Lydia’s Left handed?

andd.....how did Lydia know that? How did Scott know that? What did Deucalion say that even remotely hints at Danny? Scott doesn’t know about Danny’s paper...what?

Fuck yeah, vengeful Boyd. I dig it.

uh....why couldn’t allison just stand next to Scott in the closet. you know, like she did while he was getting in? Also, why was Allison hiding with him anyway? It’s HER HOUSE and HER BEDROOM.

um....okay, i know that we all like the sterek fics where they have to hide in the closet and one of them pops a boner...but I’mma be real, it’s a lot more uncomfortable when I know she broke up with Scott and they’ve been in there for like ten seconds. Plus there’s the whole knowing that she DEFINITELY has enough room to move away and so does he. *shrug*

Side note: Allison where the fuck do you get these clothes? THey’re both awesome and...kinda weird? Did you buy that dress in france?

okay, i’ll admit it, i do actually kinda like the camera angle through the map, with the blacklight lighting up the symbols (though the symbols flash on and off a little too fast). It’s kinda cool.

uh, how would taking the picture help? You don’t have the blacklight over it? None of the markings are visible anymore

why does Chris keep walking in and out? AND WHY DIDN”T ALLISON DO THAT THE FIRST TIME?

Stiles in plaid and Converse? Yes. Yes. please. That’s so my aesthetic I’m so fucking jealous. He looks COMFY.

This whole interaction is just so fucking weird XD

But like, why would Stiles know to go through Danny’s stuff instead of just asking him why he might’ve been targeted??

HOW WOULD THEY KNOW TO CUT THE POWER? THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Why does the ALpha pack keep showing up with way more information than they should have? It’s so annoying! It’s one thing if Morrell is feeding them information, but she wouldn’t have KNOWN about this! This was a good plan and there’s NO REASON the Alphas should’ve known what Boyd, Isaac, and Derek were doing! What the fuck?

....god i love Derek’s red eyes.

....god i hate that I know where this is going.

....god i wish he’d just let them tear her apart.

I know that it’s meant to be setting up the cora/stiles thing, but I love that she doesn’t hesitate to touch him, and that when she stops him it’s with a very quiet “stop.” She’s really gentle with him, which is just fucking nice. Werewolves taking care to be gentle with Stiles is like...nice.

Since when did Scott know about the plan with Boyd and Isaac? Since when did Stiles know? Is Boyd seriously texting Cora while Derek and Kali are fighting, or did he text her as soon as the power was cut?

is this the first time we see a werewolf bounce off the mountain ash? I mean, I think so, but we also see Peter in S1 try to get past some. There’s no glowing when he comes into contact with the shield. It’s the same with Isaac and Erica in s2. I mean...I guess they’re just trying to upgrade the ash stuff? I gotta say though, I kinda prefered when there were no special effects. It seemed cooler when literally the only thing making it work was belief and having this totally invisible barrier that Peter couldn’t cross. It was cool.

....i think i’m procrastinating seeing the end of this fight. I’m gonna fucking cry.

Why...why does Isaac turn and yell ‘wait’ to Boyd when he was the one running forward to Julia? I am confusion.

Dude, if Alphas could break through mountain ash barriers then Talia Hale WOULDN”T HAVE DIED. THE HALE PACK WOULDn’T HAVE DIED.

I wanna point out here, that this fight between Derek and Kali makes sense for once. Him losing makes sense. We know that the Alphas are much older than they look, or at least Kali, Deucalion and Ennis were. Aiden and Ethan don’t show up in that flashback. ANyway, Kali’s probably in her thirties or forties. SHe’s much older than Derek and she’s been fighting for a lot longer, not to mention fighting to kill.

Seriously, someone get my boy a quarterstaff to knock her feet away.

I really really don’t understand this stuff. Why is it whenever people (I mean Derek, because it’s literally always Derek) get forced to use their werewolf claws/teeth (because again I cannot believe this is happening more than once) he for some reason can’t just...shift back? Retract his claws and fangs? Derek has amazing control, he should totally have been able to do it. With the venom it made sense, he was paralyzed. But now??

What exactly was the fucking point of having Scott break the mountain ash barrier, just to have the sheriff show up and shoot Deaton down? That was literally useless.

also, Noah is an amazing shot. Hot damn.

ALSO. LIterally all this info about true alphas is being whispered to Scott when he’s all alone? How the fuck am i supposed to trust that deaton even ever said that shit to Scott? He could totally be lying about it.

WHAT KIND OF TOTAL BULLSHIT BACKWARDS ASS PLOTLINE IS THIS? After half the season being about Deucalion attacking Derek and trying to get him into the pack, suddenly “Deucalion isn’t after Derek, he’s after you” WHAT? THat’s the STUPIDEST LAZIEST SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN.

and to end my rant BOYD SHOULD NOT HAVE DIED. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? PETER STUCK HIS ENTIRE HAND THROUGH DEREK”S CHEST IN SEASON 1 WHIL IN HIS ALPHA FORM AND THREW HIM INTO A WALL AND DEREK SURVIVED JUST FINE. WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE???

Final Thoughts: No. No, no, no no, no, and no. The ‘plotline’ of this episode is literally like fifteen things that have nothing to do with each other.

Admittedly, there were a few nice moments. Cora, Lydia, and Stiles was an awesome trio. Boyd, Isaac, and Derek was an awesome trio. The sheriff? Amazing. Melissa? A fucking hero. Danny, a genius saint.

All in all, I’m going to tear this episode to shreds in order to rewrite it. Get fucked, Davis.

[drifttosleep]

[ My Jonas Brothers : Chasing Happiness Experience ]

introduction: if you know me, you know how much if a Jonas Brothers fan i am. yes, the first band i ever REALLY got into was The Beatles. but the Jonas Brothers was a boyband i really did fall in love with. we all had that one band from our childhood that switched everything up. mine were the Jonas Brothers. the way the directioners loved One Direction was my love for the Jonas Brothers. when i say “the boys,” i mean Nick, Kevin, and Joe. they’re my “the boys.” if that makes sense. 

history:  i remember the day i got into them. i was 10 years old and it was during the summertime. i had just finished watching ‘taking 5.’ a movie about the click five. the girls in the movie had posters and cut outs of the click five on their wall from posters and magazines. at that age, i was already collecting TigerBeat, Popstar!, J-14 magazines. i was too plugged in to the pop culture and the teeny bopper life. my dad was supportive. i was somewhat, inspired, when i watched that movie and checked out my magazines. i found the jonas brothers. i knew OF them and the song SOS and When You Look Me In The Eyes but nothing else. i had a personal computer in my room back then and newly plugged in internet connection. it started with music videos, and then the stupid videos they had on their yt channel, and i just couldn’t stop watching their videos. i watched all their live chats and interviews. i fell in love LIKE THAT. it was the first i ever obsessed about a boyband like this. a boyband in MY LEAGUE, you know what i mean? i obsessed over hannah montana and lizzie mcguire. but it wasn’t LIKE THIS. i grabbed my magazines and starting taping the Jonas posters on the walls. my routine was to watch all their videos everyday. i even went as far as reading fanfiction on youtube. YES. fanfiction USED to be on YOUTUBE. and that’s when crushes began. my bias was joe, at first, of course. then i slowly crept onto liking nick more. until he was my ACTUAL favorite. nick was my first love, i’m claiming it. the boy had me feeling ALL SORTS OF THINGS. the boy had me WRITING AT 11. 

influence: they were a huge influence on me. other than taylor swift and my dad getting me to pick up a guitar and learning how to play it, the Jonas Brothers wanted me to fulfill the dream. their influence on me was HUGE. it was so big that they were my first fashion icons. i broke gender stereotypes (at least in my circle) at the age of 11, you guys. i wore skinny jeans, converse, collared shirts and neckties all the time. they had me wearing denim and corduroy and my parents were so into me being into fashion at that age cause they were all about that in their youth. i mastered dressing like a guy at the age of 11. it just became a thing growing up. cause that’s where i’m most comfortable. i remember when the JONAS show came out on disney channel and the first episode was of nick having a love interest, i cried. 

other facts: 

i collected all kinds of jonas brothers paraphernelia as a child. 

other than the magazines, i had merch. i remember begging my mom to get me jonas brothers merch from their actual website. when she finally gave in, i was ecstatic. 

i had a jonas brothers t shirt and a necklace (it was a guitar pick with their logo on it) 

i also had a jonas brothers mp3 player that i bought when i was in tampa.

i’ve been to their first concert in the philippines. I REMEMBER HOW I TOLD MY PARENTS. i ran to them and said “THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE COMING HERE” and i didn’t even have to ask cause they already knew. 

my bedroom walls were FILLED with their posters. i had over 150 posters on my walls. 

i cut out their photos from magazines and covered my notebooks and pens with them. i sold a couple at school, too. 

you caNT BELIEVE HOW MUCH I FREAKED OUT WHEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT CAMP ROCK. when it came out in the states, my dad bought a copy of the dvd and i was SO SO SO EXCITED. that’s why i love home made spaghetti so much because it was the meal i was eating when i watched camp rock in my old bedroom for the first time. i squealed half the time. 

them being christian played such a big part in my life because my mom was a strict-ass hardcore christian. and since they wore purity rings, my mom got me a purity ring, too. at 11. which now, seems rather stupid. for me, at least. 

nick jonas & the administration is still one of my favorite albums. HE REALLY DO BE MAKIN ME FEEL SOME TYPE OF WAY. for real though. 

i really watched Married To Jonas, Kevin and Danielle’s reality show. it was NOT great but i watched it. 

i even watched some of nick’s movies and i didn’t like any of them really but i enJOYED NICK’S SCREEN TIME 

i did not really stray away from loving them. but i did turn into a teenager. i got into other things and gained a different circle of friends. it was different, okay? i couldn’t just be in love with a rock star anymore. HAHAHA. there were real life boys i kissed now. but still, i did not obsess over anything like that ever again. 

the break up:  i was in high school when they broke up. and even if i had not been keeping tabs on them and watching their every release, i cried really really fucking hard when they announced their break up. i cried so hard that i missed school that day. i was heart broken. and it might not make sense because they are brothers and they’ll really ~never~ break up, it still hurt. 

when i found out about Chasing Happiness, i was stoked. of course, i already knew they had returned back together as the Jonas Brothers. after all the experimenting with other things, they really did return to their roots. 

reaction about chasing happiness:

oh my GOD 

BABY JONAS BROTHERS :( 

FUCK. 6 MINUTES INTRO PLAYING

baby nick in les mis :( 

okAY SO IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH A BAD EXPERIENCE WITH THE CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY 

okay so the purity rings were a fucking joke i dont feel so guilty about it anymore

niley :( lowkey cried to niley at a young age but whatever 

fuCK EVERYONE WHO MADE FUN OF KEVIN. HE’S AMAZING 

please be mine :( 

crying

joe and nick making fun of kevin on the phone with danielle

joe calling danielle “kevin’s future wife” :( 

JUST FRIENDS :( 

THE NICK J SHOW 

camp rock :(

more crying really 

YEAR 3000 :( 

okay so basically, it was a ride of emotions. 

it really was though. i also felt like i time travelled. LITERALLY. it felt like i was in my old room again watching the Jonas Brothers on old YouTube. you know. before google bought the damn thing. but for real, it felt that way. it felt like i was reconnecting with my old self, too. the 10 year old me. 

no, wait. even better. it felt like i was reuniting with old friends. the scene when the 3 of them were just drinking and reminiscing and confessing about the old times was so intimate that i felt like i was there. everything they talked about (except for hating each other and how they ACTUALLY broke up), i knew about. they were my whole life back then, really. it really felt like a reunion. like them getting back together meant we were getting back together. the love for the Jonas Brothers. my fangirling over them. god, it sounds so cheesy when i say it out loud. but it really does feel like that. 

it was so familiar and so foreign to me at the same time. they talked about everything they used to never talk about back then. they just let it out in the open, really. and i saw how much they’ve grown. and i saw how much i’ve grown. how i am far from who i was at 10 years old. 

but when they sang ‘please be mine’ along with the old video of them singing it, i felt myself reconnecting with my younger self. i felt her smile at me and hold my hand telling me that the good will always resurface. and fuck yeah, i got that out of the Jonas Brothers. they’re the part of me that remains innocent. they’re a part of me that remains untouched and untampered with. because my heart was whole when i loved them first. and i think it’ll remain that way. 

it hit me harder than i thought it would. and i knew it would hit me. the documentary, i mean. it was beautiful. downright, beautiful. they’re a huge part of who i am today. and i am so so so proud of that. 

[fanficsaremylifeline]

Back to the Future

On AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20668217

*****

“Dad, Rafe took my book!”

“I’m just borrowing it”, Rafael snickered as he held the book high over his head. His little brother tried to claw at him, tried getting the book back down, but Max stood no chance. It was really funny, Max was so angry that his normally blue face turned purple.

“Rafael, stop teasing your brother”, Dad called from the kitchen.

“I’m not teasing, we’re training”, Rafe claimed, very aware that it wasn’t exactly what they were doing, and it was definitely not his intention to teach his brother any fighting skills.

“Oh, if we’re training….” Max’s eyes lit up and his purple magic-thingy started lighting up all around him.

“Oh, no, no, that’s not fa… AAAAH!”

Max threw himself at his brother with everything he had, taking both of them down.

“BOYS! If you break anything you’ll be in serious trouble!”

Rafe heard Dad walk over, but he was too busy wrestling with his brother, who seemed to be positively buzzing with magic.

“Uh, Max, might want to dial it down a notch, alright?”

“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!”, Max cried out and all of a sudden, the entire living room seemed to burst into purple flames and Rafe just squeezed his eyes shut, hearing only his brother’s screaming and the magic whooshing around them.

And then it all dropped away. Cautiously, he glinted through and half open eye, finding they were outside, between a bunch of trees; Max was still lying on top of him. Great, another fight-turned-involuntary-portalling. Max really had to learn to get a hold of his magic, get it under control; this was the third time this month he had gotten so mad that he portalled them away.

“Where did you portal us to?”

But his brother didn’t answer.

“Max?”, he tried again. “MAX!” With all the power he could muster up, Rafael rolled Max off him, who lay motionless beside him.

“Hey, ven para acá; open your eyes, you blue idiot!”

But nothing. Thankfully, he had a steady pulse and breath, maybe he just overexerted himself. But while portalling through the city? Taking a better look at their surroundings, Rafe could see that the portal brought them to a field, not far from the institute. During the summertime, they often trained out here, so since they were fighting, his subconscious must have brought them here.

Well, then Rafael’d carry Max to the institute to get him checked out and call Dad or Papa to pick them up. Man, Rafe was strong for a thirteen-year-old, but Max wasn’t that much smaller than him, so it took Rafael twice the time it usually did to get to the institute.

And then it got weird: he couldn’t get in. Normally, the doors would just open for them, their father was head of the institute after all and all wards were created to accept Max’s magic, hell, most of the time Max helped Papa with the wards!

So, he had to wait awkwardly after ringing the bell, kneeling down with Max’s head in his lap.

Finally, the door opened. “What’s going on here?”

So relieved to hear Aunt Izzy’s voice, he looked up, only to stop dead in his movements. That wasn’t Aunt Izzy. Yes, she sounded like her, looked like her, but that woman in front of him was no older than twenty.

“What happened to him?” She kneeled down and gently stroked Max’s head.

“I’m not sure. We were training and all of a sudden we’re here and he’s passed out.” Rafael was close to tears. First Max is unconscious and now Aunt Izzy isn’t really Aunt Izzy.

“Hey, it’s alright”, she assured him, “he’ll be up and running in no time.” She gently took the little Warlock in her arms and motioned for Rafael to follow her. “I’m Isabelle by the way.”

“I’m Rafael. This is Max.”

“Oh, that’s funny, my brother’s name is Max, too.”

Yeah, guess why Blue over there is called that. Wait, was Uncle Max still alive? Dad told them that his little brother, after which Rafe’s little brother was named, died around the time Rafael was born. So, how did Aunt Izzy talk about him like he was still alive?

“Izzy, what’s going on?”

Rafael couldn’t remember a time he was happier to hear his Dad’s voice, even if he sounded super grumpy. He just wanted to run over there, bury himself in his Dad’s arms, let the tears run wild; all while Dad would hold him close, gently tousle his hair, telling him how everything would be alright. But when he turned the corner, his hopes dropped: That wasn’t his Dad, not really at least. Just like Aunt Izzy, he was way too young. He also felt different. Like, he was so grumpy, the pure commanding Shadowhunter, something Rafael only saw on Dad when there was a big mission.

“Who are they?”, he demanded to know and if Rafe wasn’t devastated a moment ago, he was now. WE ARE YOUR KIDS, DAMNIT!

“They were just at the door; we need to get this one to the med bay.”

“Ok, you take him there and you”, he turned to Rafael, “answer me some questions.”

“No”, he refused, “I’m not leaving him alone.”

“It’s just for a little…”

“I’M NOT LEAVING MY BROTHER!”, Rafael yelled and determined, he grabbed the little blue hand.

“Your brother?” Both Izzy and Dad’s face fell at that and Rafe just nodded silently in response.

“Alright then”, Dad shrugged, “let’s get to the medbay while you tell us how a Shadowhunter and a Warlock are siblings.

Because of you, you idiot! Rafe wanted to shout. He’d never say something like this to his Dad’s face, but that wasn’t his Dad, now, was it?

But it brought the next problem. He couldn’t just tell them their story; he didn’t even know where they were! Was it a parallel world? But Aunt Clary went to a parallel universe once, and what she told them sounded very differently to this here. The only difference was, that everybody was a lot younger. So, they probably travelled to the past. And that was nothing, he could just explain to them. What was Rafe supposed to say? “Hey Dad, we’re your kids. From the future.”  Uncle Simon would believe him, he was enough of a nerd and geek to buy into all that time travel stuff. But that wouldn’t help them get back!

Overcome with a very sudden burst of homesickness, Rafe couldn’t stop the tears anymore.

“Hey, kid, everything will be alright”, Dad assured him and put a hand around the teens shoulder. Even though it wasn’t really Dad, it felt just as soothing and helped Rafe calm down.

“I’m Alec”, he introduced himself.

Yeah, no. Rafe would not call his Dad by his first name.

“I’m Rafael. That’s Max”, he eventually got out. “We’re adopted, that’s how we’re siblings. We were fighting and suddenly we’re out on that lawn and Max is unconscious. So, I brought him here.”

“Very smart, Rafael”, Aunt Izzy praised him. “That must have been one hell of a portal, it completely drained his magic. He’ll be out for a little while, but he’s alright.”

“Good”, Rafael smiled, “I guess we’ll just take over a guest room for the night.”

“Uhm…” Dad hesitated, looking from one to the other. “It’s just, Downworlders aren’t allowed to stay here.”

“WHAT? SINCE WHEN?”

“Since always?”, Dad explained, pulling his face into the same grimace he did when Max introduced them to his imaginary friend Saskatoon. Apparently, he was a green, feathered Seelie, why he was named after a Canadian province, nobody knew. “It’s the same rule as in every other Institute.”

Man. They really landed in the dark ages, didn’t they? Unbelievable…

“Well, I’m not leaving his side”, Rafael made clear.

“Alec, the boy just needs a place to sleep.”

“Yeah, you’re right”, he agreed with Aunt Izzy and carefully scooped Max into his arms. “Come on, Rafael, I’ll show you were you can stay the night.”

.

After being repeatedly assured that Max was alright, Rafael followed Dad out to the dining hall. Until a few moments ago, he hadn’t even realized how hungry he was, all overshadowed by the worry for his little brother.

“You the little Shadowhunter with the Warlock brother?” Uncle Jace put his spoon down and eyed Rafael curiously.

“I’m Rafael”, he nodded, sitting down next to Dad, just opposite Uncle Jace.

“So, these strange kids just happen to show up when we found the Cup and you let them right in. The fuck is wrong with you?”, he hissed.

“Dude, watch your language”, he answered with a nod towards Rafael. Yup, this was his Dad right there.

“For reals?” Uncle Jace raised his eyebrow, shooting Dad some very quizzical looks.

“Jace, they are kids in need of help. What, I’ just gonna leave them outside?”

“Or maybe Valentine send them to infiltrate the Institute.”

“Says the guy doing the same with Valentine’s daughter”, Dad scoffed.

Oh, they had to be kidding him! What’s wrong with them? “Right”, Rafael interrupted the bickering, “of course we’re working for Valentine. Especially my little warlock brother loves working for someone who hates Downworlders to that extreme a degree. And why wouldn’t I be in league with someone who caused my family nothing but pain and is responsible for me being orphaned and living on the streets for the first five years of my life?” Ok, technically that was on Jonathan. But Jonathan was on Valentine, so… “So yeah, we’re definitely working for him. Dios mio”, he added with a quiet grumble.

At least now Uncle Jace was quiet and Dad patted Rafe’s shoulders. He felt quite proud of himself and happily dug in.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

“Ok, dude, seriously. We have more urgent business than looking after some weird brothers who just happen to show up on our doorstep.”

“Keep your voice down.”

Alec and Jace were leaning against the wall just outside the guestroom, after quickly checking in on the two sleeping kids. The Shadowhunter boy was wrapped around the Warlock kid, holding him close; he was really protective of his little brother. And weirdly enough, Alec felt the same way about those kids. Which went against every fibre of his training, his entire being. He should be worried about Valentine spying on them, but instead he just wanted to call up every institute until he found their parents.

“What, you going all soft and fatherly on them?”, Jace snorted.

“Shut it.”

“No, I mean you are engaged now, domesticity might come in handy. But, if you do want to reconsider”, Jace winked as he walked away past Alec, “looks like the Shadowhunter-Warlock-combination works out pretty good.”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When Max managed to open his eyes, he found himself wrapped up in Rafe’s arms.

“Rafa?”

His voice seemed to have woken him he groggily opened his eyes but started to smile as soon as he saw Max. “Hermano! Been sleeping enough, haven’t you?”

Max got out of his brother’s arms and wearily sat up. “What happened? Are we at the Institute?”

“Sorta…” Rafe had a skew grin on his face and stared on his fingers.

“What happened?”

“You portalled us back to the past.”

“I did WHAT?”

“Shhh”, Rafe tried shutting him up, “nobody can know! It’s the beginning of the Mortal War, Uncle Jace is a bobo and as far as I can tell, Dad and Papa aren’t together yet.”

“I…” Max was completely dumbfounded. What did he do? How, and… Shit. He messed up. He messed up big time! “I’m sorry”, he choked out as the first tears started rolling down his cheek.

“Hey, it’s ok, it’s alright!” Rafa wrapped his arms around Max and soothingly rubbed his back. “We’re gonna figure out how you did this and find a way back home, alright?”

“Ok”, Max sniffled, pressing his face against his brother’s shoulder. Focusing on Rafa’s breathing, he even managed to calm down a little bit and leaned back, wiping the tears off his face. “Wait.” Slowly he processed everything Rafael had just told him. “Uncle Jace is a bobo?”

“Yeah, listen, things are all sorts of trippy. Downworlders aren’t allowed in the institute and they actually think we’re Valentine’s spies.”

“Seriously?”

“I tell you, dude, we landed in the dark ages.”

Downworlders aren’t allowed in the institute? Which was basically his home? Max didn’t even know what to think, much less what to say. He didn’t want this weird, this wrong world, he wanted his Dad, his Papa, his institute, where people were happy to see Max! “Let’s just get home”, he mumbled and climbed out of bed. Rafael was right there taking his hand.

“Let’s go and find Dad, so he can let us out, because the wards don’t accept you yet.”

“This place is terrifying.”

And it was even worse. The looks Max got were pure poison. Rafael had his arm around him and Max tried his best to hide behind his older brother, but it was brutal. Yes, Papa told him that a few years ago Nephilim weren’t really big fans of the Downworld, but this? This was hatred, pure and simple. And for the first time in ten years, he was scared to be at the Institute, a place where he should feel safe and at home!

He was just so damn glad that Rafael kept it together so well, getting them both through this; if it weren’t for Rafa, Max would probably be balled up on the ground, crying his eyes out.

They eventually found Dad in the armoury with Aunt Izzy and Uncle Jace.

“Just remember”, Raf hissed over before they walked inside, “this isn’t Dad, not yet at least, so, just stay calm.”

“Mhm…” It was Dad, though! Looked like Dad, moved like Dad, sounded like Dad... Up until now, a part of him thought Rafa was just messing with him but that was Dad right there, with Aunt Izzy and Uncle Jace; all of them looking so much younger… And it took all of his power to keep from crying and running up into Dad’s arms. His brother seemed to notice and wrapped an arm around him.

“Hey, you’re up!” As they walked inside, Dad turned to them with a wide smile. “How are you feeling?”

Max couldn’t even look at his father and kept himself as hidden behind Rafael as he could, trying to hide as much of himself as he could. “’m alright”, he mumbled.

“We just wanted to say thanks and get going. After all, it’s not like he’s welcome here, so as grateful as we are for all your help, we should go now.”

“No, you’re not”, Jace decided. “Not until we know who you are, where you’re from and what your deal is.”

Rafa was right, Uncle Jace was a bobo.

“Take it down a notch”, Aunt Izzy calmed him. “Though I have to say, he has a point. You show up in the middle of chaos, you just turn up out of nowhere.”

“And no offense”, Jace shot over, “but I was hoping that Simon turning was the only Downworlder issue I had to handle. Besides the wedding”, he added with a scoff.

“Wedding?”

Max and Rafael knew about the story of Simon being turned into a vampire. But if he remembered correctly, there was no wedding.

“Well, I don’t care about Clary’s mundane, or vampire or whatever and my wedding has nothing to do with Downworlders.”

“It should”, Aunt Izzy mumbled, rolling her eyes.

“You are getting married?” Didn’t Rafael say something about their fathers not even dating yet?

“I am. What’s it to you?”, he shot back.

“Nothing.” Apologetically, Rafa raised his hands and sat back down next to Max. “Who’s the lucky one?”

“Lydia Branwell.”

“WHAT?”, the brothers cried out in unison and Rafa just kept going: “You are engaged. To a woman? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Oh, Dad would definitely ground Rafe for ever for using the F-Word. But seriously, engaged, to a Shadowhunter woman? They never told any of them about that…

“Oh, this is nothing of your concern! So, you all are gonna shut it now, because this is officially too much. We’re gonna check all the wards and you to make sure you’re clean and then you can go.”

“I’ll call Magnus”, Aunt Izzy shrugged.

“And you two just sit and stay quiet.” Oh, yes, now he sounded like their Dad. Thankfully, Aunt Izzy got Papa here, so they could end all of this chaos. They had to, otherwise they might never be a family, ever!

“And here I go again, getting you Shadowhunters out of your messes.” Papa walked in and damn, if it was possible, he was even more dramatic and extra as Max knew him. But he looked the same! Sort of at least, the love he could usually feel from Papa was not there, instead he seemed cold and closed off. And it broke Max’s heart.

“It’s not Papa”, Raf whispered over, but he looked just as distraught as Max felt.

“Who do we have here?” Papa turned to them with a wide smile.

Not being recognized by his own Papa was worse than losing out to Rafa every time they sparred. But no, Max would not start crying right now. It was not his parents’ fault that they didn’t know them, it was all on Max. And while Rafael took charge and took care of them, he should at least keep it together, he owed his brother that much.

“I’m Rafael, that’s my brother, Max.”

“Huh.” An amused smile played over Papa’s lips. “A Shadowhunter and a Warlock. Interesting”, he remarked with a side eye to Dad.

“Can you please make sure that they didn’t screw with our wards?”

“Of course. You definitely look like hardened criminals and traitors”, Papa grinned and winked at the boys before turning around and that familiar blue magical flames danced around his fingers. Max felt the tickle, when his Papa’s magic scanned him, and basked in finally feeling something familiar, even homey.

“Well, they are clean, I’ll go and check the wards.” Papa sauntered off, brushing very closely past Dad, who actually blushed. Oh, thank the Angel, they are in love! But why would Dad get engaged to someone else?

“What is going on with Dad?”, he hissed over at Rafael, when the grown-ups were engaged in a discussion.

“I don’t know. And Papa? He’s next level pissed with him. Like, seriously pissed.”

“I know… It was nice to feel his magic, though”, Max smiled.

“You actually felt that it’s specific Papa’s?”

“Yeah”, he nodded, “it feels different from Madzie’s or Catarina’s; it’s like a thumbprint.”

“Cool! I didn’t know that.”

“Figured”, he hissed back. There was a lot of stuff about Warlocks his brother didn’t seem to know or care about, but that didn’t matter right now; they could fight when they got back home.

“Wards are alright.” Papa waltzed back in, making it a point to ignore Dad.

“Great, so we can go, right?” Rafael got up and pulled Max to his feet.

“I guess. Are you sure you’ll be alright, though?” Dad looked concerned and put his hand on either shoulder.

Can you please just give me a hug and say you love us?

“Yeah, we will”, Rafael nodded “Thanks again for everything, we really appreciate it.”

“Sure thing. Stay safe, alright?”

The brothers just nodded.

“Come on, I’ll walk out with you.” Papa nodded towards the elevator, gesturing for them to follow.

“Bye”, Max waved at his Dad, Uncle and Aunt and his hand in Rafael’s, they followed Papa outside and Max was never happier to leave the Institute and all its evil looks behind.

“So”, Papa remarked as they were a bit away from the institute, “something is going on here. Your magic”, he locked eyes with Max, “it’s like mine. We’re literally compatible. How is that?”

Uh… Max felt his face drop and looked up at Rafael, who also seemed like he didn’t know what to say, either.

“I have no idea”, Max shrugged, trying to look innocent and nonchalant, but from the grin on Papa’s face he could see that he looked right through it. Man, even though he didn’t know him yet, his Papa could read him like an open book.

“Mhm, funny coincidence”, he chuckled. “So, where are you heading off to?”

“Home”, Rafa smiled, “I miss my Papa.”

“I bet you do. Will you find the way?”

“Yeah”, Max nodded, “I’m alright with a portal.”

“Of course you are”, Papa grinned. “Take good care then, you two, alright?”

“Always. Oh, and, Magnus?” Uh, it felt weird, hearing Rafael addressing Papa by his first name. “I can tell that Alec is really into you. Completamente enamorado.”

“He is”, Max agreed, “don’t give up just yet.”

“I’ll see you two crazy kids around”, Papa smiled, turned around and disappeared through a portal.

“Uff, that was weird.”

“Tell me about it… Ok, we need to get back home, I want to see Papa and Dad in love and happy and not grumpy.”

“Maybe that’s what you need to think of, when you create the portal, not the place you want to go, but the situation you want to be put in”, Rafe suggested.

“Huh… It’s worth a try. Hold on.”

Max closed his eyes and tried to drown all his thoughts out, only thinking about their fathers and them being in love; thinking about a world where all that was wrong here was fixed; where Dad wasn’t engaged to some Shadowhunter lady and he and Papa were in love, like really in love.

He felt the portal opening and boy, this would be a rough ride.

“Hold on tight!”, he cried out and pulled Rafael in behind him and it was unlike any other portal Max had ever created or stepped through: they were pushed and pulled from side to side, it felt like they were caught in a washing machine, whirled around and all Max could do, was claw to his brother.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

What. Just. Happened? Only a few hours ago, Alec felt Jace dying, their parabatai rune disappeared. And now he was alive and happy, smooching Clary, who wasn’t his sister after all, Valentine was dead and his wish to the Angel never happened.

Magnus had just portalled them to the lawn in front of the institute, straight from Lake Lynn, back home. And Alec was just done. He wanted a nice dinner, a hot shower and then his bed. Nothing else. Maybe not nothing; if Magnus could join him, preferably at all three, he’d be completely content. But that wasn’t gonna happen, was it?

And then he heard the screams.

Just in front of them a portal opened, and two kids stumbled out, screaming loudly, holding tight onto each other. Wait, Alec knew these kids. It’s been a while, but he remembered the little Shadowhunter and his blue-skinned warlock brother.

“Are we dead?”, the little Warlock whispered, his eyes squeezed shut.

“You are not”, Jace stated. “You portalled in right in front of the New York Institute.”

“We did?” The two boys looked up at the grownups surrounding them. The smile on their faces, probably at the joy of being still alive, dropped almost immediately, though, replaced with something like defeat.

“Rafael and Max, right?”, Alec smiled, holding his hand out to pull the boys to their feet.

“Yeah”, the Shadowhunter nodded.

“So, you’re back.”

“We’re back”, Max smiled weakly, though he looked like he just wanted to cry.

“Come on in, then. You look, like you could use breather.”

“Are they still anti-warlock?”, Max asked, looking up at Magnus.

“Most of them are, yeah”, he nodded.

“Then I don’t want to”, the boy decided.

“Just glamour yourself”, his big brother suggested.

“Or you’ll come by my place this time.” Magnus opened a portal; Alec could see the living room on the other side. “All of you, get a move on and we can figure out, why the boys didn’t make it home.”

“What do you mean, not make it home?”, Jace threw in, “where have you been all these months since we last saw you?”

“Uh, yeah, long story”, Rafael mumbled, following Magnus through the portal, not letting go of his brother’s hand.

“Here.” As Alec stepped through the portal, he saw Magnus handing the kids a glass of coke each.

“Uhm”, the boys shot each other confused looks, “our dads don’t like it when we have coke during the week.”

“Two dads?”

The boys nodded.

Huh. Two men, adopting a Shadowhunter and a Warlock. That was possible? Alec couldn’t help looking over at Magnus. Fuck, he missed him so much! Alec really messed this one up and he just needed to get him back. Alec was ready to do anything; he loved Magnus after all! And if there could be a little Shadowhunter being brothers with a Warlock, and them raised by a gay couple, then he and Magnus could work this out.

“Are your dads here right now?”, Magnus shot back.

And the boys just turned bright red. “Yeah, you’re right”, Rafael nodded, not looking up at anyone, grabbing the glasses, mumbled a quiet ”thank you” and gave one to Max.

“So.” Magnus sat down on a couch, looking from one boy to the next. “You time travelled.”

“What?” The rest of the grown ups’ faces dropped and Jace started laughing. “You gotta be kidding me! Time travel? Are you for real?”

“Jace, might I remind you, that you talked to an Angel only half an hour ago?”, Magnus remarked and looked back at the kids. “Are you from the past or the future?”

It was silent for a while, the brothers stared on their fingers until Rafael mumbled: “Future.”

“Shit.” Alec’s mind was completely blank. So, time travel. What the fuck?

“What happened?”

“It was my fault”, Max admitted, a tear rolling off his cheek. “We were fighting, and I got so angry with him, because he thinks he always knows better because he’s a Shadowhunter and I’m just a Warlock.”

“What? No, that’s not true!”, Rafael threw in, turning to his little brother. “I know everything better than you because I’m your older brother!” He grabbed Max’s hands, squeezing them reassuringly and looked at the little warlock with all the sincerity in his eyes.  “I don’t care if you’re blue, purple or green, I mean, you’re as awesome a Warlock as Papa!”

Wow, those two really reminded Alec of him and his siblings.

“Really?” The little blue eyes went big. “You think so?”

“Of course! You’re awesome, fantastic and my favourite brother.”

“I’m your only brother”, Max deadpanned. Maybe it was because they both were warlocks, but the way Max shook his head at his brother, reminded Alec a lot of Magnus.

“Boys, I’m really happy you guys are making up, but if you could continue…”, Jace urged them.

“You were so right”, Max shook his head, looking up and down Jace.

“Right?”, Rafael nodded with an eye roll.

“Right about what?”

“That you’re a bobo”, they shot over in unison.

“Excuse me?” Jace’s face dropped with insult and the other grown ups bit down their laughter.

“You heard us”, Rafael answered. “Seriously, you’re all so hopeless! I don’t even know what to… wait.” He turned to Alec and looked at him with big eyes. “You didn’t get married, did you?”

Now also Max looked up, and they weren’t just annoyed, it looked like they were actually afraid.

“I didn’t”, Alec shook his head.

“Ugh, thank the Angel!”, Max sighed as the boys felt back into their seats.

“Took your advice”, Magnus smiled over.

“What advice?”, Alec asked.

“Not to give you up”, he shrugged, but barely looked at Alec, his gaze dropped down on his hands.

Fuck. And then Alec goes ahead and gives it all up. He focused back on the boys, who were looking definitely worried about the two.

“Sorry, kids, no need for you to be involved in our drama”, Alec smiled, well, forced himself to smile. “How about you continue your story?”

“Ok… Well, like I said, I was so angry at him, and so we wouldn’t get in trouble with Dad for fighting, he said we were training, so I thought, might as well and wanted to portal us to the training field, because, well, last time we were training in the living room we broke some of Papa’s stuff and he was not happy.”

“But instead of just going to the training field, we landed there a few years in the past…”

“And now I only got us a few months into the future and have no idea how to travel any further.”

“Not sure we need to, though, the way things are looking”, Rafael grumbled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”, Clary asked.

“Nothing”, Max quickly threw in, “nothing you need to know. Not yet at least.”

“Wait, so you know us?”

Silently, the brothers nodded.

“How?”

The boys stayed quiet, just shaking their heads. It was probably smart, they wouldn’t want to influence or even jeopardize their future.

“Wait.” Magnus sat up straight, his eyes wider than Alec had ever seen them. “You’re from our future and did you just say that your dad is a warlock?”

“No, our Papa is a warlock”, Max clarified.

“And our Dad… he’s a Shadowhunter”, Rafael quietly added, looking up at Alec. And all the thoughts just disappeared from his head.

“Uh, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Izzy asked, just as in shock.

“Kids, now might be the time to tell us your last name”, Clary tasked them.

They looked at each other before answering in unison: “Lightwood-Bane.”

Alec was very aware that his chin was somewhere on the ground right now. He was gonna marry Magnus? And have kids with him?

“Hi Dad”, Max waved shily. “And hi Papa.”

Ok, Alec had to sit down right now, otherwise he’d probably faint. The only two options were either next to Magnus or next to the kids. His kids. He trudged over and sat down next to the little blue warlock. “You’re my… I mean, our kids?” Alec felt a giant grin on his face. “I’m gonna be a dad?”

“You’re a pretty cool dad”, Rafael nodded with a proud grin, “even though you’re probably going to ground us, if we ever make it back to the future…”

Alec looked up, right at Magnus, who was beaming over, his eyes shining brighter than the glow from raising the Angel. They were gonna get married. They were gonna have a family! A real family!

Magnus got up and walked over, sitting next to their Shadowhunter son. “Alexander, I have the feeling, we’re gonna hit the jackpot in our future. It definitely explains, why your magic is like mine.” He looked over at Max, who flushed a little purplish.

“You taught me”, he shrugged. “And Dad, you should see Rafa with a bow and arrow!”, he added with a proud grin and now it was Rafael’s turn to blush.

“You know, I can’t wait to see you with that one day”, Alec smiled. Wow, his heart was so full of love right now. He still didn’t know these boys any better, but Alec already knew there was nothing he wouldn’t do for his kids.

“I’m gonna be Aunt Izzy!”

Only now, Alec remembered that the four of them weren’t sitting by themselves and saw Clary, Jace and Izzy sitting on the opposite couch, beaming and smiling from ear to ear.

“And you’ll be Uncle Jace, and you’ll be Aunt Clary, and there’ll be Aunt Catarina, Aunt Maia and Uncle Simon and…”

“So the vampire is part of our future, great”, Alec deadpanned, with a grin, though. He wasn’t a bad guy and even though he’d never openly admit it, he came to like him.

“Of course”, Max nodded, “he is married to Aunt Izzy.”

“What? You’re gonna marry the Daylighter?” Wow, Mum and Dad would have a field day with their kids marrying Downworlders…

“Nah, by then he’s a Shadowhunter”, Rafe explained.

“The Daylighter will be a Shadowhunter?”

“Alec, please a little more respect for my future husband”, Izzy snickered.

“How does that work?”

“It involves a trip to Edom, our asshole demon grandpa, it’s a long story, and now that I think about it, we probably shouldn’t tell you all this”, Rafael admitted, his face getting red.

“Actually, you can”, Magnus clarified. “Once we send you boys on your way, I’m gonna have to wipe our memories of you, not to jinx your existence or anything.”

“I have to forget we’ll have a future, a family?” Even though it was filled with so much love, Alec could feel his heart breaking right now, as he locked eyes with Magnus, who shot him a small smile in return.

“I does look like we do find our way back to each other, I strongly believe in that.”

“You better, otherwise we’ll be right back to kick your asses”, Rafael made clear.

“Good. I wouldn’t want to miss out on any of this”, Alec smiled, gently patting the boys’ shoulders.

“So, Izzy, Alec and Magnus the only happily married ones?”, Jace asked, a little sheepishly.

“No”, Max nodded, “Uhm, are Uncle Luke and Aunt Jocelyn hitched yet?”

When Clary shook her head, Rafael continued. “Well, they are the next ones to get married. And yes, Uncle Jace and Aunt Clary, you also live happily ever after.”

“Aunt Clary, you’ll also get a parabatai! Uncle Simon.”

“I mean, they are almost parabatai already”, Izzy chuckled, “the rune is really the only thing missing.”

“And, important side note, Max is crushing on Madzie.”

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

“AM NOT!”

“Boys”, Magnus interrupted and they both looked up with wide eyes. Huh, he really was a dad…

“It sounds like our future is pretty great”, Alec smiled.

“We can’t complain. Which is why we’d like to get back there. Even though you’re probably gonna ground us”, Rafael admitted.

“That’s something for our future-selves to decide. But yes, I can help you get home”, Magnus nodded. “I assume the reason you landed here so many years ago was that you didn’t just think of the training field, but were mostly angry about a Shadowhunter, who was supposed to love a Warlock, being really mean. Sound familiar?” He glanced up at Alec, who felt himself flushing.

“I guess…”

“How did you get to this time, right now?”

“Rafe said I should think about the situation I want to be in, you know? So, I thought of you being in love, and not engaged to some Shadowhunter lady and that brought us here. But I guess, it didn’t work because you’re still not in love!”

“Don’t worry, Max, they are very much in love, they’re just being idiots”, Izzy shot over.

“Oh, thank the Angel!”, Rafe sighed.

“Yeah…” Alec locked eyes with Magnus and well, Izzy was right, they were being idiots. Well, mostly Alec was being an idiot. Magnus’ eyes beamed and it looked like Alec could actually hope for a reunion, could hope for them to figure all of this out, be happy and actually start a family!

“Ehem.”

Well, Alec really lost himself for a moment, Jace’s harrumph brought him back into the living room where everybody stared at them, especially the kids had wide beaming grins on their faces.

“Sorry…”

“Don’t be”, Rafe smiled, “I’m really happy that you’re being gross.”

“Anyways”, Magnus cleared his throat, “let’s get you two back home, your real home I mean.”

“Yes, please! Do I need to get angry again?”

“No”, Magnus shook his head, “I’ll help you powering up the portal. Might need some Shadowhunter strength, though.” He smiled up at Alec and his heart didn’t just skip one beat.

“Sure”, he nodded, feeling himself getting all flustered.

“Perfect”, he grinned. “Max, this is not going to be easy. I need you to imagine the apartment, the situation you were in before you left. Imagine exactly what your Dad looks like, what I look like, our future appearances, I mean. Think of how much we love you two, and how you feel about us.”

“We love you, too”, Max smiled and shit, Alec just wanted to cry.

“That’s really wonderful to hear”, Magnus beamed, Alec noticed his eyes getting wet as well.

“When you’re ready, start imagining all those things and open the portal. Then I’ll pour all my magic in it so it can send you far enough, alright?”

“Ok”, Max nodded.

“Well, I guess we’ll see you soon”, Rafael grinned at the aunties and uncle, who waved back.

“I can’t wait to finally, properly meet you”, Izzy smiled.

“Yeah, me neither”, Alec agreed. And before he knew it, the little Warlock had wrapped himself around Alec.

“You two, get in here”, he smiled at the rest of their family and Rafael and Magnus joined in their group hug.

“Boys, you’ll see us in no time at all. I guess, we have to wait a little while longer, but man, it really will be worth it, hey?”

“Totally”, Rafael agreed.

“Alright, you two, you should get going.” Alec pulled back but put a kiss on either’s head. He’s never done this for anyone who wasn’t his sibling ever before, but it felt right.

“Dad is right”, Magnus nodded, wiping a tear from his eyes and Alec felt all the butterflies at being addressed as Dad! “Alright then blueberry, you got this.”

“Yeah, I do!” He closed his eyes and Rafael held tight. Moments later, he opened a portal and Magnus held out his hand, shooting all his magic into it. Alec quickly offered his hand, his strength and with a smile, Magnus grabbed it. Alec could feel their combined power juicing up the portal and from one moment to the next, their boys were gone.

As the portal closed, everybody just fell back and they sat in silence for a while, Alec wasn’t sure how long. He was gonna have a family! He and Magnus would have a family together! This was incredible, Alec never thought he could have this.

“Ok, I need to erase our memories right now or I’ll start bawling my eyes out.” Magnus cleared his throat as he stood back up and before he knew it, his blue magic whirled through the room, pulling on all their memories.

“Don’t worry, Alexander”, he called over the whooshing of his magic, “we’ll find our way back together!”

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Magnus needed quiet and calm. He was currently busy mixing up a potion for a customer, a pain concoction for a Vamp with dental issues, which was a delicate procedure.

Unfortunately, when you had two kids, quiet and calm was not an option. And if one of those kids had magical abilities that he liked to use during a fight, it was downright impossible. They often practiced to control Max’s powers, but at ten years old, there was still a lot to learn.

And currently, the magic surging through the apartment was off the charts, the air was positively buzzing with it. Oh, that could not end well. A loud bang echoed through the loft, momentarily steeping everything in purple. That was not good. Magnus put all his utensils down and made for the living room.

Alec was already there, looking around the mess that up until a few moments ago had been their living room; but no sign of the boys.

“What happened?”

“I have no idea”, Alec answered, “they were arguing about some book and bam. Gone.”

“Alright…” Part of controlling Max’s abilities included practicing not to accidentally open portals when angry. They could be halfway across the city by now… Before he could ask for it, Alec already handed him an actionfigure of theirs to track. “Thanks.”

As often as this happened, it still didn’t make Magnus feel any easier about that. So far they had been lucky, but an uncontrolled portal could be seriously dangerous and every time Magnus had to track them after a fight, he was worried to no end where and in what state he would find them.

But no amount of anxiety could have prepared Magnus for this: they were gone. Completely gone. “No, no, no”, he stammered. He felt all the colour draining from his face and turned to Alec, who stared back with big eyes.

“What’s going on? Where are they?”

“I don’t know.” It was barely a whisper, and Magnus tried again, tried searching for his boys, but they weren’t there; nowhere to be found.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Alec’s voice rose with panic and he grabbed Magnus by the shoulders. “Where are they?”

“I don’t know!”, Magnus shot back, “I have no fucking clue! I… I can’t see them anywhere.”

“What does that mean?” Alexander knew exactly what it meant, he just wouldn’t want to accept it until Magnus would put it into words.

“They are not on this earth.”

After hundreds of years, Magnus thought he knew what pain and fear felt like. But this managed to annihilate the last records into nothing; it felt like all his innards were pureed.

“Ok, then we have to do something. Anything.” Alec went into overdrive, determined to save their boys. Once, Magnus fell in love with his willpower, that grit, now it only made him sad. There was nothing they could do. How was Magnus supposed to track somebody who had disappeared from the known realm? They could have ended up in Edom, or worse, stuck in Limbo. Or they were…

Magnus slumped against Alec. No, no, his angels couldn’t be… Alec wrapped an arm around Magnus. “They are alright. They always find their way back home.” He kept on repeating this little mantra, but with every repetition his voice went more desperate and the confidence died away. Magnus couldn’t fight the tears anymore, he just bit down on his tongue to keep from bawling out loud; feeling how Alec’s chest shook and heaved with suppressed sobs didn’t help.

And then, a purple flame flickered just besides them.

“MAX!”, Alec cried out, “WE’RE HERE!”

“COME ON, BLUEBERRY, YOU GOT THIS!”, Magnus yelled along.

“Can’t you help him with the portal?”

“If I send magic this way, they’ll be pushed back to where they came from”, Magnus explained. “He’s got to do this on his own.”

Magnus had to believe that Max would do it, find them again. And he did. In one big bang, the portal spewed out Max and Rafael, holding onto each other for dear life.

“Oh boys, thank the Angel!” The fathers quickly dropped down in front of the boys. “Are you alright?”

“Dad? Papa?”

“Yeah, it’s us, honey”, Magnus smiled.

They glinted through half open eyes.

“Hey”, Alec smiled at them and immediately the boys jumped up, tackle hugging them.

“It’s ok, it’s alright”, Magnus reassured them, sandwiched between their dads. “You’re safe, back home.”

And cue the waterworks. Both broke out in tears, Max sobbing against Magnus’ shoulder, Rafe against Alec’s and it almost broke Magnus’ heart.

“We got you”, he whispered, gently rubbing Max’s back. “We always got you.”

“I know”, the little warlock sniffled, “even when you don’t know us.”

Alec and Magnus shot each other a confused look. “When we don’t know you?”, Alec repeated.

“Well…” The boys leaned back a bit. “We found out that you can time travel with a portal…”

“Oh my god.” Magnus’ stomach just dropped to some very uncomfortable places.

“Yeah, it’s not like we planned it… When I portalled us, I was a little extra emotional and that kicked us back about fifteen or so years”, Max estimated.

“It was really weird. We went to the Institute, but you were all so young and you didn’t know us, and everybody was so damn unfriendly to Max, just ‘cause he’s a Warlock and then you’re engaged to a Shadowhunter lady?” Both boys looked up at their Dad, shaking their heads just like Magnus always did when Alec screwed up.

“Yeah, what’s the deal with that?”

“A big mistake I thankfully didn’t go through with”, Alec shrugged meekly.

“Yeah, you’re welcome by the way.” Proudly, Rafael puffed his chest out.

“What did you do?”

“Told Papa not to give you up. And he listened to us”, Max grinned.

“I just know when I’m talking to a genius”, Magnus winked, and Max’s cheeks flushed slightly purple.

“But seriously, the Institute was a mess! I mean, you were bad enough.”

“Not as bad as Uncle Jace, though.”

“Yeah, he was a real… bad word that I won’t say right now, because we’re probably already grounded enough”, Rafael snickered nervously.

“And then we tried to get back, but we only managed to travel a few months into the future and you two weren’t together, again”, Max groaned. “Seriously, you are like that daily soap that Papa likes so much.”

“You mean the one Papa likes in secret”, Magnus finished the sentence, blushing a little.

“Only that it’s not a secret”, Alec shrugged, grinning at his husband.

“Fair enough. But yeah, your Dad and me can be a little dramatic.”

“Understatement”, Rafe rolled his eyes. “After we told you who we really are, things got really emotional and then you, I mean the past you, helped give the portal enough power so we’d make it all the way back here.”

“Oh wow.” Alec was very lost for words.

“That sounds like we had two little guardian angels all along”, Magnus smiled, kissing each of the boys on the cheek. “Wow, we are so lucky.”

“Papa is right”, Alec beamed, “who needs Raziel when we got you two?”

[beanfic]

Summertime Sadness - Ch.4

Word count: 1840

Warnings: Rebellious teen activities

Author’s note: I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

Song suggestions: Some Nights by Fun. and We are young by Fun.

The next morning at breakfast was no different than any other, even though your parents would beg to differ. They interrogated you with questions while you looked at your phone and ate your Cheerios.

“You never smile at your phone this often,” your mom said.

“Yeah, what happened last night?” your dad added.

“Nothing happened? I’m being normal?” you lied.

They didn’t believe your lie, and you decided to just ignore them. You couldn’t help smiling every time Josh’s name flashed up on your phone.

“Can I be excused?” you asked once you finished your cereal.

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

You headed to the kitchen and washed your bowl out, and put it in the dishwasher. You ran back up to your bedroom and started to text Josh back.

We should hang tonight

You waited for his response eagerly. Once you heard your phone vibrate, you pounced and read it right away.

I’m totally down. Let me take you on a drive.

You smiled like an idiot to yourself as you read the message over and over. You really had never felt this way before, and what if he felt the same way too?

“Who are you texting?” your brother asked, barging into your room.

“Can you knock?”

“Excuse me? You fucking walked in on me watching porn. I think I get to barge in on you whenever I want.”

“Okay okay. I’m texting Josh.”

“Josh Dun?” His tone of voice gave you an anxious feeling, you really hated that your brother disapproved,

“Yes, he’s super nice. We’re hanging out again tonight.”

“He’s such a fucking douche.”

“You don’t even know him?”

“He went to my high school. I know him more than you do. He was that emo kid with the lip piercing. He’s weird.”

“Lip piercing?” The thought of Josh wearing a lip piercing made you giggle. “He’s different now though, John. He seems genuine and caring, and he’s attractive.”

You watched your brother roll his eyes.

“I don’t care if you disapprove, Johnny, I’m 18 and I can do whatever I want.”

“Y/N, it’s not that I disapprove, it’s that I don’t want my little sister getting hurt. He’s a bad influence.”

“Thanks, but I think I can handle myself, can you leave now?” you gave your brother a glare, showing him that he was no longer welcome in your room.

Your phone started buzzing in your pocket and you pulled it out to see Josh calling you. You pressed the answer button, and held the phone up to your ear.

“Hey, Dun!”

“Hey, Y/L/N! I was wondering if we could make it a late night drive? Tyler wanted to rehearse for a little tonight.”

“Like how late?”

“I could pick you up around 11:30?”

“I can’t Josh, I have a curfew.”

“C’mon, Y/L/N.”

“I don’t know.”

“You can sneak out, they will never know.”

You took a second to think about Josh’s offer. Sneaking out couldn’t be too hard, and you knew that you parents go to bed early usually.

“Okay, I think I can pull it off.”

“Perfect! I’ll be outside around 11:30, okay?”

“Okay.”

“See you later, Y/L/N.”

“You too, Dun.”

You hung up the phone and held it against your chest and you plopped down on your bed backwards. You breathed in heavily and started to figure out a good way to sneak out. You decided that you were going to be on your best behavior all day, and go to bed early.

Your window wasn’t that high up so you decided to try to sneak out of that. Getting home would be harder, but you knew you could convince Johnny to come open the door for you, hopefully.

The rest of the day was a blur. It was spent with you helping your dad clean the garage and organize all his tools, as well as vacuuming the downstairs. Your mom was gone all day for work, which was good for you since she would have picked up on how you were helping out.

Your dad cooked spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner. Bri, Johnny and you all sat around the dinner table playing two truths and lie. A family tradition during dinner.

You were starting to feel nervous and dinner was coming to a close. You had never snuck out before, and you knew that if your parents found out,  your whole summer would probably be ruined.

You tried to reassure yourself by thinking of only positive outcomes, but occasionally the negative thought would come sneaking back in.

“You okay, Y/N?” you dad asked. “You’re spacing out pretty hard.”

“No I’m fine, just really tired. I think I’m going to go to bed pretty early tonight.” You tried to avoid eye contact with your family members as you headed to the kitchen to wash your dishes.

“Do you wanna wash my plate for me?” Bri handed you her plate, looking up at you with her big green eyes.

You sighed, “Sure.” You washed her plate as well. You looked at the kitchen clock, and it read 6:45. Only five more hours until you had to sneak out.  

You spent those last five hours by hanging out with Bri and helping her record a youtube video of her doing her makeup. By the time it was around 11:15 you said goodnight to your dad and your mom, who had just gotten home.

You sat in your room, waiting for the text from Josh saying that he was on his way. You decided to wear jeans and a queen sweatshirt that you Dad had given you last year. It was a sweatshirt he got from a concert he went to when he was younger.

You nibbled on your nails as the time grew closer and closer. You jumped a little when your phone vibrated and lit up with a text from Josh.

On my way!

You took a deep breath and stood up from your bed. You opened your bedroom window slowly, trying to make as little sound as you could. You had to pry off the screen part, which was easier than you were expecting.

You looked out at the tilted rooftop, and your heart started to beat faster as you noticed how far the grass actually was. You slowly put your left foot out on the planks of wood and tried to stable yourself before putting your second foot out.

Once you had both feet, you squatted and held onto the roof with your hands. You did a little shuffle down to the gutter, and you stared at the ground that was probably a good 8 feet away.

You sat on the gutter with your feet dangling off, and you threw yourself off hoping you would land on your feet. You hit the grass with a thud, and you could feel a sharp pain shoot up your left shin bone.

“Ow fu-” you stopped yourself before you cried out. The last thing you wanted was to wake up your family and them coming out and finding you.

You grabbed your shin and started to roll around the grass to distract yourself from screaming out in pain. The pain started to subside, and you stood up and started walking over to Josh’s jeep that was parked in front of your house.

“That was quite the show,” he chuckled as you hopped in.

“You saw all that?”

“I watched you climb out of your window and then chuck yourself off the roof, yeah, I saw it all,” he started laughing which made you burst out in laughter too.

“Where are we going?”

“Just sit back and relax!”

You were nervous. “Okay.”

“Do you trust me, Y/L/N?”

“Yes, Dun, I trust you.”

“Good.”

Josh started to drive away, and once he got onto the highway, he rolled down the window and blasted the music. He was playing the new Fun. album, some nights and you couldn’t help but to sing along.

“You’re a good singer,” he smiled over at you. You could feel your cheeks get hot.

“Sing with me.”

Josh looked over at you with this look in his eyes, and he shook his head. “I don’t sing.”

“I doubt that, Dun. You’re in a band.”

“I play drums, Tyler does the singing.”

You shrugged. The wind from the windows blew your hair around as he drove about 90 down the highway. Usually, you would feel scared, but you had never felt safer when you were with him.

You watched Josh’s hand turn down the music and he looked over at you. You both just smiled at each other and then giggling from the silent eye contact.

“I want to know more about you, Y/L/N. I know you just graduated, but tell me more about you.”

“Okay, well I have an older brother, who you know, and a little sister. Do you have any siblings?”

“Yeah, I have three younger siblings. One brother and two sisters.”

“Nice, what about your drumming situation. How long have you been doing that for?”

He sighed, “I’ve been playing drums ever since I was little, but I started playing with Tyler’s band earlier this year.”

“That’s so cool! I’ve heard some of his music, it seems really cool.”

“Yeah, the band is called Twenty One Pilots.”

“Twenty One Pilots? But there's only two of you.”

He shrugged, “Ask Tyler. I didn't get to choose the band name!”

This made you laugh, “Any more questions for me?”

“Yeah, what do you do for fun? Like what are your hobbies?”

“Oh,” you thought about it for a while before deciding on what to say. “I like to write poetry, but I’m really interested in psychology. I’m going to community college starting in the fall.”

“Poetry? That’s really cool! Could I read it sometime?”

“Maybe.” You gave him a smirk.

“It’s already one in the morning, I should probably get you home!”

“True.”

Josh started driving back home, turning the music back up. We Are Young by Fun. was blasting and you started to sing along. You didn’t care what Josh thought of your singing, and at that moment you felt like you were invincible.

Josh took his right hand off his wheel and placed it on your hand that was on your lap. It took you by surprise, and you looked over at Josh who was still focused on the road. You allowed him to intertwine his fingers with yours, and you held his hand the rest of the way home.

He pulled up to the driveway and he let go of your hand. You immediately missed the warmth. You didn’t want to sneak back inside; you wanted to spend the rest of the night with Josh.

“Wish me luck, Dun,” you joked as you hopped out of his truck.

“Wait, Y/L/N, I think I’m really starting to like you.”

“You know what, Dun? I think I’m really starting to like you too.”

Tag list: 

@takenvysleep @ohprettyweeper @oncemorewithfeelingg @gaiatheroyalrabbit @svintsandghosts @krispy-cakes @patdsinner33 @breadbinishigh @demonsdontcontrolus

[lilyev]

wassup my dudes, i’m bee and i’m a huge ass nerd who’s super excited to be here ! pls take my daughter lily and love her, or hate her, w/e, i’m fine with it either way

isn’t that LILY EVANS ? yeah that is HER, sitting there at the GRYFFINDOR table with those other SIXTH years and i think i heard sybill saying they look like ZOEY DEUTCH… whoever that is! when she looks into her crystal ball she sees fireflies, coffee with cinnamon, cigarettes in the backyard, honey-flavoured chapstick, chipped nail polish, lying on the roof during a thunderstorm, flowers growing from cracks in the pavement, the feeling you get walking out from a cinema.  anyway i’ve heard they’re pretty TENDERHEARTED, TEMPESTUOUS, and INDEPENDENT. apparently they’re a MUGGLEBORN but i’m sure that’s not related. 

aesthetic: fireflies, coffee with cinnamon, cigarettes in the backyard, the smell of bookstores, honey-flavoured chapstick, whispered secrets, the burn of firewhiskey in your chest, chipped nail polish, polaroids, lying on the roof during a thunderstorm, chapped lips, the summertime buzz of cicadas, flowers growing from cracks in the pavement, burnt chocolate chip cookies, jane austen novels, angry tears, happy tears, scribbled notes in the margins of old books, the red glow of a sunset, the feeling you get walking out from a cinema

CHILDHOOD

lily evans grew up in cokeworth, england, a “distinctly unmagical” town that is solely known for being the fourth-largest steel producer in england. the steel factory smokestacks in the west loom over the town and its winding alleyways, cinder blocks, and weeds growing out of pavement cracks.

lily’s childhood was that of mowed green lawns, challah bread, flintstones reruns in grainy black and white, and playing outside after dinner with petunia till the sky grew dark and the fireflies and mosquitoes came out and their parents would call them back home for bed.

her parents were both university professors who had met while getting their doctorates, her mother in german literature and her father in political science. they were both academic, intelligent people, and saw no reason not to treat their children as such. this meant lots of political discussion over the dining room table — at nine, little lily knew more about the government deficit than most of her schoolteachers probably did. petunia tended to tune out these debates, claiming disinterest, but lily loved them, listening in avidly even if she didn’t understand. as she got older she began to participate more and more, and often even brought up issues she was interested in.

but despite her brightness, contrary to popular belief, school hasn’t always come naturally to lily. she just could never quite bring herself to focus in school. some teachers labelled her a chatterbox, others simply labelled her trouble. really, it was more of a combination of a desire to befriend every creature she met with an inability to sit still.

because lily yearned for something more than life at the end of the cul-de-sac, yearned for some great adventure. she was a curious, fearless thing as a child, always leaping off of the swing and tugging tuney to go explore on the other side of the tracks, where their parents didn’t allow them to go.

so when she met a sallow-skinned boy from the wrong side of town, and he told her about magic, lily was enraptured by the thought. severus snape and the world he spoke of represented, to lily, the adventure she’d only ever dreamed of.

you all know the story — lily didn’t mean to, but she traded one best friend for another, and petunia was left behind, hurt and angry.

HOGWARTS

flash forward to eleven year old lily – small for her age, sitting on a stool in the great hall and listening to the hat debate between slytherin and gryffindor. after she ended up being sorted into gryffindor, and heard everything her housemates had to say about slytherin, she couldn’t help but wonder why the hat had thought it might suit her. ( like mother like son, am i right ? )

but lily is ambitious and proud, and ( especially as a first year ) overflowing with a desire to prove herself. but when it comes down to it, she has a softness under her skin that doesn’t suit the cold blood of a snake, and her instinct to protect those she loves vastly outweighs her self-preservation instinct.

and all of a sudden, she was doing better in school than she ever had before. hogwarts gave her eager, curious young mind the adventure and intrigue it had been craving. for the first time, she actually wanted to learn. the professors quickly became used to the wiry girl with messy auburn hair and bright eyes sitting in the front row of every class and peppering them with questions.

she became the gryffindor prefect last year, something she was both very excited and very apprehensive about. she’s very conscious about the influence she has on younger students, and she’s determined to prove that she was the right choice.

PERSONALITY

lily evans has two main motivators: sentiment and spite. on one hand, she’s romantic and nostalgic, clinging to her fairytale endings and her belief that everyone has at least a little bit of good inside of them. she’d like to believe that everything will turn out the way it should, and that all pain is temporary and useful.

but on the other hand, she has her temper. lord, this girl is stubborn and proud to her very core. she does not easily admit she’s wrong, and she’s often guided by her emotions rather than her reason. it’s not a great combination. she has been called tempestuous.

she tends to make snap judgements about people and stubbornly sticks to those snap judgements. it takes her a while before she admits that someone isn’t as bad as she had previously thought, or that someone is worse than she previously thought ( see: james potter, severus snape )

she doesn’t react well to personal criticism. she can be pretty defensive and even hypocritical sometimes.

but for all her faults ( and she has many — she’s stubborn, over-idealistic, proud, spiteful, at times selfish, hypocritical, quick-tempered, biased ) lily loves. and she hopes. with all her heart.

she cares so much about everything. she wears her emotions on her sleeves. she cries when she’s angry, and when she’s happy, and when she’s talking passionately about something she loves.

if you’re someone lily evans loves, you should count yourself lucky, because she will defend you to the death. and if you’re a person who lily evans hates, you should also count yourself lucky, because no matter how much she hates you, there’s a little part of her that believes in the good part of you.

sometimes she wishes she was tougher, less vulnerable. she wishes the word ‘mudblood’ wouldn’t sting each time it’s flung at her like a grenade ( but it does ), and she wishes she isn’t disappointed with every chanukah that goes by without a card from pertunia ( but she is ). but in true lily evans fashion, she stubbornly holds her chin up high and smiles and doesn’t let the world see her hurting.

HEADCANONS

she keeps trying to keep a diary but she always forgets to write in it, although she refuses to admit it’s a hopeless cause.

has a love for sweeping, dramatic classical music and movie soundtracks

lily comes from a progressive jewish family ! lily was never really super into it when she was little ( she enjoyed the chanukah dreidel games and the purim festivities, loved listening to the stories of esther and the exodus, but fidgeted all through hebrew school and hated the solemnity and fasting of yom kippur ) but she has a greater appreciation for the culture now she’s older. still doesn’t really observe kashrut though.

[ HOLOCAUST TW ] part of the reason she’s super super super against blood purity is bc of this and obvs also cause she’s a muggleborn ! her mother was eight when the second world war started, and as lily’s gotten older she’s heard more and more about her mother’s experience. and it chills her how much it reminds her of all this blood purity and voldemort stuff. [ END TW ]

petunia converts to catholicism for vernon when they get married and lily is so angry she cries for days, but then their mother sits down with her and talks about how everyone has their own faith and you can’t judge someone else for theirs

loves cats even though she’s allergic to them ( has a toad named gilbert, after gilbert blythe from anne of green gables )

has an irrational fear of seaweed – not the kind you eat, the kind that brushes up against your ankles when you’re swimming. also afraid of flying and airplanes

has an extensive collection of nail polish ( picks at her nail polish when she’s nervous )

a physically affectionate person – loves hugs, and cheek kisses, and platonic hand holding

loves old audrey hepburn movies 

she always loved when her parents read to her but she never had the attention span for actually sitting and reading books even though she loved them

[ DEATH, SMOKING TW ] she smokes …… she knows it’s bad but she started after her paternal grandfather died when she was 12 – they were going through his belongings and she found a half-used pack of his cigarettes and pocketed them. she just smoked them to try and catch his smell and feel closer to him but it developed into a habit and then an addiction ( although lily will insist she can stop anytime ) [ END TW ]

bisexual as FUCK thanks 4 coming to my ted talk

[mothergoddessslut]

Detached : tales of Death

I have had two experiences in which I witnessed death. The first time I was a kid. Walking to the train station with my friends on my way home from summer camp. We approached the 135th Street station and in true New York summertime fashion the 2 train wasn’t running. We were savvy New York kids. We knew alternate routes. We proceeded to walk towards the 138th Street Bridge. New York City kids walking in the streets is a sight to see. We laugh so loudly. We move around a lot. Often pausing during our walk to dance, heel toe and butterfly. What could be perceived as loud, obnoxious and maybe even intimidating to some was so joyous for us. Laughing so hard tears streamed down our cheeks and our faces hurt. This was typical. On this day and on this walk despite the detour.

As we crossed over from Lenox and approaching 5th, doing our thing near Lenox Terraces we heard the distinct sound of gunshots. Loud pops. Three consecutive ones. That stopped us dead in our tracks. Our jaws dropped and eyes widened ,

“Oh shit.” Somebody said. We got quiet but kept walking that was our only way home. And also partly wanting to see what just happened. Suddenly a loud screeching sound , followed by a crash. Confusion set in. Trying to guess the correlation between the gunshots and the car crash. We continued walking and on 5th, directly across the street from the Riverton was an SUV partially on the sidewalk, crashed into a mail box, smoking. The driver slumped over. Fleshy holes in his neck and his face. He was dead. He was the one who had been shot. I remember slowing down slightly and really seeing it. Taking it all in. And then speeding up. Not wanting to be around when the police showed up. Not wanting to be labeled as a witness. Not wanting to be questioned. I just wanted to go home. We all felt that way.

I remember our conversation ceased. We were silent for the rest of the walk. We were silent the train ride. And we never talked about this again.

That night on the news I pieced together the story. That man in the SUV cut off a cyclist. That cyclist pulled up and shot him to death as the red light turned green. The man, probably in fear of his life put his foot on the gas to get away but died and then crashed. The screeching sounds were of the cyclists, angrily and maybe regrettably leaving the scene.

I do not know if even shared that with my mom. I remember there being so much quiet around it. And I carried on, continuing to seek that joy New York City kids find in summer. That even did not mar me. It didn’t change me. But I remember it.

The second experience of mine, I was an adult. Home from college. Not working at the time. I was on for godmommy duties and caring for my godson that day. I went downstairs to the lobby to wait for my best friend to drop off the baby. It was actually a beautiful day and I recall just waiting outside. My building is directly across from a highway. A highway that marks of my recollection of what home is for me. The Bruckner. The sounds that made rest uncomfortable for out of towners but sounded like ocean waves to me. I’ve never gotten accustomed to quiet at night time. I’ve always preferred the constant white noise of cars rushing, the lights shining and fading away across my walls at night and an occasional bike zooming taking advantage of the late night and the openness.

I stood outside, entranced by the comings and the goings. Probably thinking about a nigga. Arms crossed. A woman caught my eye as she crossed the street right at the highway entry point. She paused at the divide near a gate and some sparse grassy patch of land. I’ve seen people run across the highway before. It is entirely unnecessary but I’ve seen it done. It seemed she was about to attempt the same thing except she didn’t run. She walked slowly, stopped and turned to face oncoming traffic. Cars swerved to avoid hitting her. She moved forward to the next lane. Another car swerved to avoid hitting her but the SUV behind it could not.

I don’t remember what it looked like to see the collision. I just remember I saw her shoe fly off. I remember the sound. It was loud and disconcerting. Not at all what you would expect of a fragile body being broken into many pieces. It was like an explosion. I watched as everything stopped. People who barely witnessed the event running for a closer view to talk about what happened amongst each other. I could tell they were making up things. I knew I was the only one, besides the drivers that really saw everything. In this moment my best friend arrived with my godson. I recapped her quickly on what happened. I said “I’m tryna get the fuck outta here.” I hurriedly took my godson upstairs. Evading the police presence that would eventually show up. Leaving it up to nosy bystanders and those directly involved, still alive, to fill in the blanks. I told my mom what I saw. More of an expression of that was so crazy. Later that day neighboring folks talked about it. The woman’s leg was found much further down the highway. Perhaps the leg that shoe belonged to that I watched fly off.

I don’t know why I didn’t want to be a witness.

I remember telling my boyfriend at the time what happened. He was somber. Asked me a ton of questions about what I was feeling, if I was ok. He was surprised by how remarkably fine. When I look back, I am surprised by how remarkably fine I was. That event changed nothing for me. I remember it. But it changed nothing.

I still loved unafraid. I didn’t fear much except myself when in love and death and sometimes the dark and often times being alone in life. Maybe I feared quite a bit. But I didn’t gain an urgency, a critical appreciation for life in that it is too short, love others fiercely, seize the day, take advantage of these moments, etc. I simply continued to live. To be grateful for living. To make mistakes that I often did not learn from. I guess grateful but not always appreciative of the value of my life.

This morning I read the headline to a tragic news story. And I want to qualify this by saying, I’ve read many tragic headlines. I’ve suffered through tragic events. The headline was “Man fatally struck by train in the Bronx while holding his 5 year-old daughter”. I saw it quickly and winced. I didn’t click on the post to read more. I didn’t want to. The Bronx , my hometown, has its share of crazy news headlines.

This post took me to a different place tho. I saw this post and I had flashbacks of those previous two experiences with death, so quick. So fast and then slowed down to a vision I had not experienced. But an envisioning of that headline. I envisioned myself standing on thy platform. Panicking and pleading for someone to help or stop this man as I watched him step down. The terror and the cold feeling of my heart pounding in my throat as I heard that train approaching. The screeching of it trying to activate it's brakes. The hard sound of a fragile body being hit. Being dragged.

I could see it. And even though I wasn't even there. For the first time I was beside myself at the thought. I cried. I felt sick. I felt an urgency to hold my babies tight. To tell my loves how much I loved them. To call my mom. I felt the terrible delicateness of life and I don't know... Something changed. Something shifted.

The baby survived. For that I'm grateful.

I reattached to my life. For that I'm grateful.

[crowkingwrites]

Battle of the Bands (Ch.7)

fPairing: Robb Stark x Reader, Jon Snow x Reader, Viserys Targaryen x Reader, Ramsay Bolton X Reader

Summary: You just moved into the city for the first tie all by yourself. After you get your dream summer job working for a small magazine, you find yourself in the middle of the city’s rock festival: Battle of the Bands. Local rock bands throughout the city compete to win a record deal that could change their lives. Your job? Get close to them and write about them online.A single girl in the city surrounded by rocker boys during the summertime. What could possibly go wrong?

Words: 2394 // AO3 Link

Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six

The next day you didn’t go to work. You didn’t even bother with the fest. You woke up at a crisp 7am sun peeking through your room. A hot cup of coffee warmed your hand, but you greeted the day with some sobriety. You turned your phone off on purpose. You wouldn’t spend today flirting with boys and getting news stories.

Before you left Margaery, she instructed you to not visit her.

She remembered a time where she was hospitalized before, and all you did was check up on her every five minutes. Sure, this was still during your internet friendship, but it still annoyed Margie. If anything, Margaery has a great excuse to relax and enjoy her injury. Well, as much as anyone can enjoy themselves while they are in the hospital.

Margie’s pet bird sang when you went to go greet her. She sang sweet songs to you. Every sip of hot coffee tasted just as wonderful as the last.

You decided to do your own writing on your computer. Your toes curled up and relaxed as you opened a new word document. Words flowed out of you as unusual as it was. You wrote about Viserys and how his hips moved. How good it felt when he kissed you. Then you wrote about Ramsay. How much of an asshole he truly was, but he loved to flirt.

Then you wrote about Robb. Angry words broke away from the soft thoughts. He treated you like you were his. You belonged to no one. You didn’t have to answer to him or for him. Nastier thoughts started to unfold. What if he did hire you just because you were cute? What if he just hired you so you would date him? All of it left a bad taste in your mouth.

But, Robb wouldn’t do that. No, he proved how good of a person he was. Right? Sure, he was adorable to look at, and he worked hard for the music store and magazine he ran. Still, the darker thoughts clouded your mind. You wanted to hit him. You wanted to call him. You weren’t sure exactly what to do.

You texted Loras. Surely, your gay-pseudo-brother knew what to do.

You to Loras: [ Hey, I still can’t wrap my head around last night. ]

Loras to You: [Oh thank God! I was waiting for you to say SOMETHING. Margie couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Sorry sis.]

You: [I fucking knew it. She told you everything?]

Loras: [Everything. Did you quit or what?]

You: [No, but it hurts. Do you think he hired me so I would date him?]

Loras: [Hunny no. You are a talented and a hardworking writer. Anyone can see that.] You pushed away the computer and sat on the sectional couch. Gray clouds started to block the sun. Your fingers made busy work to Loras.

You: [Why does this all feel so weird then? Why do I wanna talk to him? I’m so mad at him! What if I lose my job?]

A panic started to rumble its way into your head. The questions came soaring afterwards. What if you did lose your job? What if you never got a chance to write again? This was your only chance, and you fucked it up and—

You had to stop. You hated panic attacks. As sociable and popular as you were, panic attacks left you defenseless. Your heart pounded against your chest. Things around you started to be louder and brasher. Margie’s bird singing became a screech in your head. The air you breathed tasted like sharp chalk. It hurt so bad.

You called Loras.

“Loras!” you shouted.

“Hey, hey now. You’re alright,” Loras reassured you. You felt a tear go down your face. Another one fell after it.

“I’m gonna get fired! I can’t get fired!” you told him.

“No, no, no. You are not going to get fired,” Loras told you in a calm, but firm voice. “And even if you did, no one will hate you for it.”

“I’m a failure!” your voice let out. Insecurities bubbled up to the surface. “Robb gave me my one chance at writing for a career! And I fucked it up, didn’t I?”

“No, you didn’t—

“I’m so stupid! Oh my god, I’m so stupid!”

“Y/N, you’re alright. It’s okay! Just—

You heard other noises and a shaking before you heard Loras’ voice again.

“Y/N, it’s gonna be okay. I can’t help you right now, but there’s someone who is on their way who can. I’m sorry. I can’t leave work. But someone’s on their way, ok? Hang in there for sis.” As Loras hung up the phone, you felt yourself collapse onto the ground. Your cries expelled out of your body as if you were having a fit. You felt your shoulders shake and your teeth chatter.

As the wood in your apartment creaked, you could’ve sworn you felt the room grow smaller. You heard your silly sobs and you wanted to punish yourself further. How stupid were you to think that you could do this? You wanted to find something. You had to punish yourself. This was your fault. It was your fault. It was you—

You heard someone knocking on the door frantically. A voice matched it.

“Y/N! Are you in there?” Jon said. “It’s me! Jon! Loras and Renly sent me here. Are you okay?” You picked yourself off from the floor and walked towards your door with a bewildered expression. After opening two of the three locks, your door creaked open to a worried Jon Snow.

His dark curls were the same, but you swore you’ve never seen his eyes this close. The sky was darkening and so were his eyes. No sunlight touched the brown color in them. Instead, a darkness colored them darker as if he had his own demons too. They were there in his eyes, just lurking in the background.

“Jon?” your voice creaked out.

“Oh, Y/N. Let me in, okay?” Jon nodded to the door. You stepped back and let him in. You quickly noted his backpack and a few grocery bags he had with him. Confusion replaced most of the tension, but you could still feel the tears come down your face.

“Jon, what are you—

“I heard you over the phone. Loras asked me to come, so here I am,” Jon explained. He set his things down and walked over to you. “What happened?”

You opened your mouth to tell him, but then conveniently remembered who Jon’s brother was. Your mouth closed so fast that you almost hurt yourself.

“I don’t know if I can tell you,” you quietly said.

“You can,” Jon nodded. You shook your head violently.

“I can’t,” your voice broke. Tears streamed down your face again. Without any prompting, Jon pulled you to him. His arms wrapped around you firmly. You felt him breathe calmly. Your nose caught his scent of cologne. He smelled much sweeter than you expected, but it calmed you. You found yourself breathing with him as your sobs were laid to rest. Jon let you out of his warming and reassuring hug while both of you sat on the sofa.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Jon said. He grabbed his bag. “But, I did bring something that could really help the problem.” You watched Jon pull out a small leather bag, a lighter, and a glass bong.

“You smoke?” you said, surprised.

“Yeah,” Jon nodded. “Nearly everyone in the family does.”

“Including Cat? Your mom?”

“She advocates for it, but she’s quiet about it, yeah,” Jon smiled. You watched him pack the weed gently and firmly into the bowl. Then, you watched Jon hit it. The smoke swirled up into his chest. He held it for a moment, and released it. Smoke left his mouth in a singular, long stream. As if he was one of those 1940’s mobsters who cut a good deal with the police.

Jon passed it to you. “It will calm you down. It helps.” You took the bong from him and hit it harder than you wanted. The burn in the back of your throat betrayed you. You ended up coughing much more than you expected.

“Sorry, it’s been a while,” you said. Jon shook his head and smiled, unpacking the grocery bags filled with all kinds of snacks. Cookies, salty chips and dip, and you spied a king-sized chocolate bar. Your eyes went wide.

“Oh, yeah, this one’s for you,” Jon offered it to you. You held the king-sized bar to your face, comparing the size. A genuine, hearty laugh left Jon as his eyes squinted. “Feeling better already?”

You took a big bite of the chocolate. “Well, you know what they say, eat this, you’ll feel better.”

Jon relaxed on the sofa and dug into the chips. He squinted at the window. “Oh, well I guess it’s going to rain after all.” The gray clouds outside had blocked out the sun completely. A bit of rain started to drip onto the city streets. Luckily, you decided to not go into the fest today.

“You said Loras sent you here?” you said taking another hit from the bong.

“He did,” Jon nodded.

“Why aren’t you at the pub? You could be playing for another crowd of people who want to get away from the rain,” you pointed out.

Jon shrugged. “Didn’t want to. I didn’t have the energy. Besides, it was never about the crowds for me. I’m happy playing music for just one person.” You smiled to yourself knowing that you were in good company.

“Did you want to watch something?” you gestured with the remote in your hand.

“Yeah, anything you want. I’m here to hang with you,” Jon’s smile gave you a sigh of relief. You never knew what to think when someone helped you through a panic attack. Sometimes, your mind went to the absolute worst thoughts. Jon didn’t seem to mind. You clicked on another nature documentary and took another hit from the bong.

“So,” you began another conversation. The rain started to hit the window as thunder rolled. “How long have you been smoking?”

“High school,” Jon said. “On my sixteenth birthday, Uncle Benjen pulled me aside and introduced me to it. You seem really surprised?”

“I don’t know. You don’t seem like the type to—

“Straight edge. Like Robb, right?” Jon chuckled, and you almost did. You bit your lip and became very quiet. Jon moved closer to you. His fingers reached out to you. “You alright?”

Your continued silence gave Jon the hint.

“What happened with Robb?” Jon’s tone became very dark all of a sudden.

“Last night, I was with someone and Robb was really upset with me.”

“Is this about Margaery going to the hospital?” Jon asked. You nodded and continued.

“He called me over and over and over again. When he found me with someone, he got really angry with me and said some mean things to me and—

Jon held his hand up to stop you. “He told me his side this morning. I know what he said. I know who you were with and everything.”

You felt the tears come back to your eyes, but before you could cry too hard Jon hugged you again.

“I don’t like what Robb said to you. I especially don’t like what he was going to do about it.”

“He was gonna do something?”

“He was going to fire you,” Jon said. “Until I convinced him how horrible of an idea that was.” Jon sighed and rolled his eyes. He took a long hit for himself. The smoke still came out in a single stream. You weren’t going to lie. You were starting to like this Stark brother much more than the other.

“Why did you do that?”

“Because you’re my friend. And you’re a great writer,” Jon sat back. You joined him. “Robb wants to work with people he likes. That’s why he hires his friends, his family, and sometimes his girlfriends. When he’s mad with people, he holds their job over their head to get them to do what he wants. Robb’s my brother. I love him, but he’s fucked in that regard.”

“Ramsay told me about a girl named Robyn.”

Jon groaned. His hands slid down his face as more frustrated noises came out of him. “

“Robyn. Robyn was a mess. You’re different than her. Very different. Is that why you had a panic attack? You think you’re going to lose your job?” When you nodded, Jon hugged you even more. “That’s not going to happen. I promise you that won’t happen.”

“Do you think I’m a whore?”

“No,” Jon laughed, letting you go. “I think you are a very pretty single girl who just wants to make friends in a new city she just moved to. Anyone who tells you different can fuck off.” You hugged Jon. Letting your arms wrap around his middle and taking in every scent of him. Jon was so nice to you. From the moment you met him till now, he was always so sweet to you.

Which was why you kissed him on the cheek and then backed away very quickly.

Jon sat there, almost stunned. His smile didn’t disappear.

“So, you’re a little high, huh?” he laughed it off. You felt the relaxing notion of the THC take over a few minute ago, but it didn’t hit you until now.

“I guess,” you giggled. Your laugh faded into a big smile. “Thanks for coming over. It means a lot to me.”

“Believe me, I understand more than you think,” Jon gave you a half-smile. You jumped up and grabbed one of your homemade blankets from your room and brought it out to the living room. You tossed it over Jon and smiled. Jon fixated the blanket to give you both room under the quilt warmth.

“Do you wanna stay here all day and get high with me while we watch funny stuff?” you asked, hoping for a yes.

“I would absolutely love that,” Jon patted the seat next to him where you sat. Both cuddled up in a happy bundle while the storm went on.

Note to Self: Panic attacks are not ok. Getting help from good friends makes it all okay.

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[my-yesterdays87]

Golden Summertime

It's a hot day in August and Malec spend some quality time with their kids on a remote beach. #because I am in love with the Lightwood-Bane family #mortal!Alec (not a fan, but oh sweet pain) #malecWedding

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

“How does it feel to wake up next to your husband on the very first day of beeing married?“

This is a question Alexander Lightwood-Bane had never asked himself - really. The truth was, he had woken up to Magnus Lightwood-Bane, Magnus Bane then, for the past 30 years. He was used to early mornings, with their sons barging in or an emergency for either Magnus or him to handle and lazy mornings, when he and Magnus had all the time in the world to just stay comfortably in bed, entangled into each other.

Now, in his early 50′s, beeing married to the man he woke up in bed with, was not different, yet something completely new at the same time.

Magnus’ fingers were stripped of his variety of rings, on his right hand the M- and the B-ring remaining, on his left his wedding-ring. A simple golden band, an exact replica of the one on Alec’s left ring finger. His closed eyelids were still covered in golden glitter and the long lashes dyed a deep blue.

Warlock Blue and Shadowhunter Gold had been their colour scheme for the wedding, as Magnus had put it. (Isabelle had to convince Alec, that a colour scheme was indeed necessary.) And thus, Alec had worn a golden tuxedo with blue detailing and Magnus had chosen a blue tuxedo-ish attire with golden adornments. His black hair with golden highlights provided a lovely contrast to Alec’s black hair, streaked with grey.

Their sons Max, dressed in gold, and Rafe, wearing blue, had been the ones choosing a remote beach somewhere in Argentinia for their fathers’ wedding/honeymoon. Both men in their mid 20′s, had been waiting for this day with eager excitement and as it turned out, pre-planned wedding arrangements. Right now both of them were still fast asleep in the living room downstairs.

Alec ran his hand through his husband’s messy hair, as he reminisced about their wedding only a few hours ago.

About his mother and Luke, both looking stunning in their respective colours underlining their white hair, and how Maryse had cried while leading Alec to the altar and the proud look on Luke’s face, as he congratulated them afterwards.

About his siblings, throwing him a bachelor party the day before, and how Max had still looked like it, while Isabelle shone in her golden dress adorned with blue lace. An empty seat where Jace would have been, hadn’t he been killed 3 years prior.

About their “niece“ Madzie, grown into a beautiful young woman by now and about the strange comparison of those who had aged through the years and those, like Catarina, Raphael, Simon and Dorothea, who still looked as young as his husband did.

Magnus smiled in his sleep, moving closer into him.

He had noticed all these people and little details afterwards, when his heartbeat had slowed down and he was able to breath again. The moments of the actual wedding were like a blur of dark brown eyes and gold and blue. Magnus face had been the only thing he had really SEEN then. The way he had changed and still looked the same as those precious years that lay behind them. Their hands lying calm and tender in each others and their eyes never leaving each others face. Their alliance rune beeing re-drawn by Clary instead of a wedding rune and the spell that bound them together as one. The small golden band on their ringfingers and the kiss - a day as a momento that proved what they had known all along.

“Good morning, Alexander.“, Magnus’ sleepy voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Good Morning.”, Alec replied tenderly, his fingers still in Magnus hair.

“Are you okay?“, he asked, intertwining their left hands with some effort.

“Why wouldn’t I be?“, Alec answered, smiling down at their ringed fingers.

“You looked sad just now.“, Magnus clearified, moving closer, until their foreheads touched. “What did you think about?“

Alec smiled, almost convincing. “About us.“, he said, closing his eyes. “About our wedding, our sons, our life together.“

Alec opened his eyes again, gently squeezing their intertwined hands. “How lucky I am to have met you and have been able to marry you before I die.“

Alec’s voice was sincere and soft, without distress. While Magnus’ felt his eyes water, closing them again to numb the ache in his chest, that was there whenever Alexander talked about his certain death.

Magnus opened his eyes again, when he felt Alec’s lips brushing against his, granting him access to his mouth, loosing himself in the shadowhunter’s touch.

“Let’s enjoy our honeymoon and the time with the boys.“, Alec said, smiling against his lips, when both of them moved closer into each other, depsite the warmth promised by the approaching daylight.

“I love you, Alexander.“, Magnus told him, before kissing him again, not letting him answer for the time it took to let them get out of breath. “I love you, too.“

***

Max was already preparing breakfast, while Rafe sat the table on the patio, when the newly weds came down into the kitchen - two hours later.

“Good Morning.“, they greated each other with wide smiles.

Settling into a morning routine that had been there and gone for about the same amount of time. Yet they still gathered around the table as if no time had passed at all.

“There is an antique shop and a really old gothically cathedral in the vicinity we want to show you.“, Rafe told his parents, after everyone was done chattering about during their first coffee. “And we will have a secluded corner of the near beach to ourselves during lunch. Just the immediate family coming together.“, the young shadowhunter continued, seemingly reading from a mental list. “And then we can relax on the beach or take a tour around the island in a boat, whatever you like best and...“

“Rafe... It’s their day. Not yours!“, his younger brother interrupted him. “I told you, we are planning the wedding not the honeymoon.“ Max glared at his brother, which looked far more dangerous than it was, given he had two white horns on his blue forehead. He looked a lot like a mix of young Alec and Magnus when he was in public, glamouring his blue self with a shade of Magnus’ skin and features and Alec’s former hair- and eye-colour.

“It’s alright, Blueberry.“, Magnus soothed the young warlock. “We’d like to tag along.“

“And there is a special suprise for the evening.“, Rafe continued confidently, shooting a superior grin at his brother.

“Are you going to behave like children all day long?“, Alec interrupted their starring contest, sipping his second cup of coffee.

“No.“, both men declaired in voices, that made Magnus burst out laughing.

“But we should have been kids.“, Max added in a voice, that sounded almost sad. “We should have been almost to young to remember, when you should have been able to marry.“

Alec reached across the table, ruffling his son’s dark blue hair. It had always been harder on their kids, seeing them remain engaged for almost two decades.

“But we like you beeing able to remember it.“, Magnus said with a wink, placing his hand on Alec’s, which had remained on top of the table, intertwining their fingers.

Both men smiled at each other and their sons kept quiet. Treasuring the moment with the knowledge, that only two of them would be able to keep the memories alive.

***

The antique shop had been a sucess and thus cause for Magnus to create a portal to get everything home without further ado. The cathedral had been crowded with people, leading the family to take a rest amidst the local graveyard’s peaceful silence.

A well-needed break, it turned out, for the gathering of their immediate family around lunchtime, because everyone was still abuzz. Magnus enjoyed the excitement, while Alec used the first chance he got to fade into the background, to chat with his oldest son. Rafe had most recently become a teacher at the Shadowhunter Academy and was eager to keep his father up to date, since he had retiered from active shadowhunter duty for a well-deserved while now.

Their boat trip was joined by their family as well, like Rafe had anticipated, knowing them for most of his life. Among their group, Magnus’ and Alec’s visual age difference was almost unimposing, leading them to treat each other carefree with lingering glances and soft touches. That however changed, when Rafe and Max introduced them to their evening suprise. The “Moonlit Bar” with plenty of room to sit and talk under the moonlit sky.

“There is no pool table, but otherwise it is perfect, isn’t it?“, Rafe asked with shining eyes.

“Raphael Santiago Lightwood-Bane, you never seize to amaze us.“, Magnus declared, hugging his son close. Max and Alec supressed their laughter, because meanwhile a waiter had shown up to lead them to their table.

The family was seated in the corner with the best view over the ocean and up at the moon and stars. The food was delicious and everything went on smoothly, until a drunken guest took offense in the way Alec looked at Magnus.

“Ya shou fuck som’on ur own age, gran’pa.“, he slurred, causing Alec to look up at him with a deadly glare. The fighter inside of him ready to jump by force of habbit, but the younger shadowhunter got to the man first. A right hook sending the drunkard to his knees.

“Rafe.“, both Alec and Magnus shouted.

“You are not gonna talk to my fathers like this.“, he drowned them out, kneeling down beside the man who had toppled over on the side.

When he was about to give they guy another punch, Magnus cought his fist midair.

“That’s enough, Rafael.“, he said in the voice he used to teach his children manners.

Rafe stood, while turning around to face his father. They were nearly the same hight and visual age and glared at each other a long while. The dunkard crawling backwards on the ground, not noticing that they had already attracted attention.

“Papa, you heard him insult Dad and just sat there doing nothing?“, Rafe asked, still in rage.

“I heard him, Rafael.“, Magnus agreed, much calmer than his son. “This is not the first time this happend and it won’t be the last.“, the warlock clarified. “But this does not mean that we are going to sit at home and hide from the world or get into useless fights.“

Rafe looked at him, thunderstruck.

“Sit down.“, came Alec’s voice from the table. “You are attrackting unnessecary attention.“

Max looked at them in confusion.

“Why don’t you use glamour to make Daddy look your age?“, he suggested in a low voice, while Magnus and Rafe took their places, earning a faint smile from Alec.

“Why bother what other people think.“, Alec explained with a look in his eyes that reflected his age. “We are who we are and we can’t change that. We are just going to make the best of it.“

He smiled at Magnus, taking his hand on top of the table.

“You remembered what I told you on our first date.“, Magnus said, tense but smiling and intertwined their fingers for the kiss they did not exchange.

Max, on the other hand, exchanged a look with his older brother. Both men feeling stupid for assuming that everyone would look at Magnus and Alec and see their unwavering love for each other, instead of a 50-something year old man in love with a barely 30-year old looking man.

“I am sorry.”, Rafe said, bowing his head to them.

“Don’t be.“, Alec responded immediately, cupping his sons cheek with his free hand.

“Believe me, I would like to punch every single one of them... but in the end it wouldn’t make a difference in their eyes. They’d just mark us down as violent for getting defensive of who we are.“

“It’s like a million little papercuts.“, Max said, remembering. “That’s what you told aunt Izzy once.“

Magnus closed his eyes, remembering that conversation, which still hurt him to his very core... But was interrupted by a stern voice asking them to leave. He stood without letting the owner finish, turning around with an everlasting grace.

“You’d be well advised to expel drunk troublemakers from this establishment rather than a decent family trying to celebrate a joyous event.“, he said to the man in front of him, but loud enough for everyone to hear. “Loving someone is not something to apologize for, insulting someone is!“

Magnus turned on his heals, realizing that his family already stood behind him and they walked outside the door, without paying attention to the murmur that Magnus’ words had triggered. Down the beach to their house, without another word beeing uttered between them, Alec’s hand firm but tender in his grip.

***

Rafe had begged their forgiveness repeatedly upon arriving at their temporary home, leading Magnus and Alec to tell them a few more stories about their life together before they had adopted Max and subsequently Rafe, while having drinks on their patio. Trying to give their sons a better understanding of what the world outside of their family and friends looked like for a gay/bi-couple, with an age-difference of 20 years and counting no less.

The August summer night turned to an early morning, and Alec and Magnus, beeing married for a full day by then, retired to their room. Not bothering to dress after undressing and slipped under the golden sheets.

Magnus caressed Alec’s cheek tenderly, after they had settled into the bed.

“I love you, Alexander.“, he whispered. “And no amount of time will change that.“

Alec smiled, closing his eyes and leaned into his husband’s touch. “I love you, too.“

Their lips met again for a soft kiss goodnight, before Magnus closed his eyes as well. Falling asleep, soothed by each other’s presence.

“How does it feel to fall asleep next to your husband on the very first day of beeing married?“

The answer to the question Alexander Lightwood-Bane had never had to ask himself, will remain the same, if it is the first day or the last to wake up or fall asleep next to the man he loved. The knowledge of sharing a bed, a love and a life with Magnus Lightwood-Bane was the constant joy from the beginning until the end of every waking hour.

[concentric-pentagons]

Hey guys...

So it's the new year so I wanted to make a post about some stuff that went down and some future hopes.

So 2016-2017 I attended an early college which is a place where you take high school classes during the day and college classes at night. My first year of it was great, but I didn't take many college classes since I was just staring out. Because my parents couldn't drive me and because I don't have a car or license myself, I had to take the bus to school every day. Since my school was quite a ways away and since the bus was slow, it would take me an hour to get to school and an hour to get back. The fact that the bus was on a fixed route meant that I would have to wake up at 5:30 am every day. When I needed to get homework done (since I am a morning person) I would sometimes even wake up at 4 am to get stuff done before school.

During my first year at school I got a pretty bad caffeine addiction due to the late nights and early mornings. My caffiene addiction came and went, but would usually end with me drinking several Monsters in one day and then having a nervous breakdown.

Last year was tolerable not only because I made new friends but because I met a girl that I really liked too and we started dating. Her name was Olivia and she was probably a mistake to date in the first place, but how could I have known better if I never did it? She was a very pretty brunette with beautiful blue eyes, and she said that she loved me but she certainly didn't act like it. The two of us would sit together in the library since we shared a free hour, but we would always talk about the same mundane things, and if I tried to talk about anything that wasn't immediately super interesting to her, she would just stop listening and reply with "cool". Needless to say, I'm not with her anymore. My infatuation with her + our relationship lasted from the beginning of the school year to the very end, at which I sat in a field of grass and listened to Greensleves on loop as salty tears rolled down my face.

When it comes to friends, I didn't have too many at school but I did have a friend named Alex. Alex was very funny and a nice and loyal friend, but I felt that he was sort of a bad influence on me and that my parents wouldn't really approve of his behavior. Come the end of the year, after my breakup and while I was trying to figure my life out, I told Alex that we couldn't be friends anymore because I didn't think he was good for me. This made me feel horrible but I felt it was necessary. This added to my loneliness.

My teachers were great. I had a few that were a bit annoying, but my math/physics teacher was absolutely amazing and inspired in me a love of math and physics, my History teacher was super funny and made American history very interesting, and my English teacher was one of the sweetest people I've ever met and as I write this I wanna go give her a hug.

The one main college class that I took was American Government which I assumed would be super boring but was actually extremely interesting due to my great professor.

Over the past few years I have struggled with depression, and over the last school year I have had some bad anxiety which is likely due in part to the large quantities of caffiene that I was consuming. I believe that some of my depression is neurological and some is due to the fact that I have very low self esteem and often blame myself for anything bad that happens to me.

Come summertime my dad insisted that I work all summer to pay for bus passes and any other expenses that I would have to pay for in the coming school year. I was so incredibly tired and strung out from the past school year that the last thing I wanted to do was work 10 hours a day for the next 3 months until school starts and I will have to work 14 hours a day on school. After 2 weeks off I decided I would work and I worked (at my uncles furniture shop) until summer ended.

School was starting now and I had gotten no rest over the summer and I was still raw from the loss of my friends, loss of my girlfriend, and from my worsening depression.

School started and I expected it to be like last year; that I make new friends, that my teachers are all kind, and that everything works out for the best. It did not.

My teacher that I had for the majority of my classes was a major hard ass who was just a pain. I made no new friends and if anything I drifted away from the people around me and became more secluded and jaded.

But finally a glimmer of hope shone through the darkness: I met a beautiful girl named Julia and I thought that she liked me. Like never before I fell in love with her and became obsessed and tried to win her affection, but my own anxiety prevented me from saying anything meaningful to her. After two months of kicking myslef for not working up the nerve to say anything to her, she started dating someone else, and my heart sank. That day I just left school. I walked out to the bus stop and just sat there sobbing uncontrollably, screaming "God fucking damnit! God damn you!"

Things only got worse from there. Due to my night classes, some days I would be at school for 16 hours a day. Any free time that I had was taken up with homework. My depression and self loathing got far worse. I no longer wanted to get out of bed in the morning because I knew that the day would only mean pain. I only got out of bed because I had nothing better to do than go through the pain of the day and hope it got better. But I had no hope anymore. Then the physical pain started; every day for two weeks I had bad headaches, but worse than that was horrible, crushing, debilitating stomach aches.

Worse than all the other pains was this: the pain in my heart. People think that heartbreak is just an expression that just means emotional pain, but the truth is, you really do feel it in your heart. You feel this physical tingling, this itch, this ache that hurts so bad that you wish someone would stab you through the heart to make it go away.

I had been growing out my hair ever since I had broken up with Olivia, but one day I decided that I needed a change and asked my mom to cut my hair. While she was cutting my hair she said, "now I'm not asking you to do this or telling you that you should but I just want you to know that it's an option: you can leave the early college." For me, the early college was my life, it was my identity; even if it caused my pain it was who I was and I rooted myslef in it. It opened up doors in my life to colleges and scholarships and careers. In my mind this was not an option until now. Once my mom said this I began to weep and say, "then I'll do it, I'll leave. I need to help myself."

So the next morning my mom called me in sick and later that week we called and told them that I was leaving and was going back to being homeschooled.

I cried every day for the next week at the loss of my identity and the loss of my future. Who was I if not the early college student who was going to be a surgeon?

I started going to a therapist but I could only go for several weeks because out insurance didn't cover it. The few weeks that I went were extremely valuable to me, as we talked psychology and philosphy as to why you shouldn't blame yourself for things.

Now that I was homeschooled again and I had loads of time that I hadn't had for the past year, I decided I would start going to the gym every other day, which I have done faithfully since.

I also had time to read many books that were able to transport me to beautiful worlds and forget my troubles.

With my life slowing down, and with the newfound ability to eat properly and exercise I slowly but surely improved my mental state. I'm still not fully better; I still cry and I still feel heartache, but I am nowhere near the borderline suicidal state that I was in at school.

Being out of that school has broadened my horizons; I am finally able to dream again. I have always had a dream of becoming an inventor, and now I am able to dream that again and strive for that dream.

I have already begun work on several of my inventions that I have thought up and I have videotaped my progress on them and I plan to post it on YouTube.

My dream for 2018 is that I am able to imagine and create; my dream is that I will be able to make my inventions and live the way that I want to: free of self-doubt and full of joy. A girlfriend would be nice too.

The moral of my story is that nothing is inescapable, nothing is black and white, things may seem never ending, but they will get better.

Make sure to dream big! I love all of you and have a fantastic 2018!!!

[lovehotelreservation]

Summertime Swelter - Flaunt

Summary: Diego doesn’t mind when a camera flashes for a picture of him, but will certainly raise hell when the leering eye of paparazzi has its lens directed at you.

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Reader/Diego

HELLO EVERYONE! And so we’re back for the second week/theme of Faffery, requested by the ever lovely @multicoloredwaves, who I selected as the winner of my giveaway~! With hot temperatures and even hotter tempers, it was a pleasure to write out the 5 one-shots for this week, including this one right here!

That said, I hope you enjoy!

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To be with Diego Brando as his lover meant being comfortable with always having eyes on you.

With his status and notoriety, his striking appearance, he never failed to make heads turn his direction. His renowned status as a jockey made him a celebrity, which unfortunately brought about nosy reporters looking to sensationalize and throw your lover in a scandal. Though, with one mere yet menacing glare, any paparazzi remained in line.

But for a person like Diego, trouble often followed him regardless, much like today.

Albeit for once, the issue came about from your end.

Miami was a delight to visit during the summer, both amusement or--in your lover's case--to showcase his wealth and prestige. A private jet flight from NYC down South, the immediate purchase of a luxury sports car that he'd just leave behind once your trip was over, a top-floor suite reservation in one of the swankiest hotels in the city.

He had the money to spare, so why not?

Really, if he had it his way, he would've had preferred to rent out the entire beach just for the two of you, especially to keep pesky paparazzi at bay. Whether it ruined the day--or vacations--of others or not mattered little to him, for he dared anyone to raise a fuss over it. Still, because you were so eager to go enjoy the city's natural splendor, he drove you over to Miami Beach.

Unfortunately, it became apparent that there were some reports snooping around to document your trip together for a scoop. Diego was ready to squash the annoying pests who were so bold to intrude on his free time, but with your plead--your innocent wish to just ignore them and focus on each other--he reluctantly agreed, but not before scowling menacingly towards the paparazzi with a not so subtle threat of absolutely ruining their lives with his elevated place in society.

But he would soon find himself shifting his agitation elsewhere.

Namely when your belongings were set down on the sand and you removed the loose fitting coverup of your swimwear.

All Diego could see was skin.

Your skin.

He recognized the swimsuit that you were wearing. Though he forgot the designer, he remembered making an offhand remark regarding how you would look delectable while wearing it. Soon he could notice flashes going off from a distance not too far from where the two of you were. His hands balled into fists as he caught a glimpse of the awed and lecherous grins forming on the faces of reporters. When his gaze returned back to you, he could tell that you were becoming flustered as you did your best to ignore the attention that you were receiving, instead focusing on lathering yourself with sunscreen as quickly as possible.

"Diego...I'm going to go ahead to the water, okay?" You announced suddenly. By the slight strain to your voice, he could tell that you wanted nothing more than to be hidden away from the paparazzi's line of view.

"Go ahead," he murmured coolly--even if the opposite could be said about his boiling blood--while he brought his hands up to remove the light fabric of his cyan colored shirt. His eyes immediately trailed down to your backside, noting how snug and tight that the fabric and style of your swimsuit fit your ass.

Sure enough, he could feel his mouth water, feeling an animalistic rush sweep over him, the primal desire to simply have his way with you beginning to seize hold of him.

But the urge to keep others away from his mate--so to speak--became his top priority once he could hear the murmurings and snickers of paparazzi, some of whom had closed in to get better pictures of you swimming.

"Man, Brando's pretty lucky, huh? Gets to ride horses for a living by day, gets to ride that ass by night."

"Shit, I'll take up horse riding right now if it means I can mount that any time I wanted to!"

"Damn, looking like a mermaid right out of a fairytale. Honestly, I may not even sell these. Think they'll be of better use for jerking off, am I right--?! Wha--?! What the hell?!"

Money meant nothing to him with the power he was so ruthless to attain.

It was why he ignored any cries and threats of lawsuits when he proceeded to snatch away the extremely pricy cameras of the paparazzi, only to chuck the bundle of them right into the ocean as far as he could.

It was why he could easily spend some hundred dollars on that designer swimsuit of yours and buy you every single color variation that was offered--with even customizations at your leisure.

It was why he had no qualms with ripping it off of your body once he hauled you away from your swim to a nearby concrete shower room, leaving the paparazzi to fumble around the water in search of their cameras while beachgoers looked on at the drama in amusement and awe.

"They'll hear you, you know. Is that what you wish?" The growl he emitted was followed by the wet heat of his tongue slowly trailing along the side of your neck before his teeth bit down into your skin. "To be a headline? To be a sight for the world?"

Your knees felt so weak--there was no way you could hold yourself up further. Helplessly, you braced yourself against the cool, sturdy wall before you, unable to find any purchase to grab onto aside from just clawing at the rigid surface. Biting down on your lip could only do so much to quiet the moans that threatened to escape your mouth. The expensive material of your swimsuit was shredded, having been torn from a strength exuded from your naked boyfriend that only showed itself at his most agitated state.

To lament over the ruins of your swimwear was something you couldn't even fathom at this point, not while Diego was shoving his cock deep inside of you with animalistic fervor from behind. One hand was gripping your hair while the other was seizing your hip, only letting go to bestow stinging slaps to your ass.

"Smile for the camera while your skin bears the markings of my teeth, with my seed dripping down your thighs," he hissed dauntingly against your ear. His rhythm halted for a moment to instead plow his cock into your dripping center in short, firm jabs. Hearing you finally let a pitiful wail, he smirked wickedly and added. "I admit, I wouldn't mind if they see how flustered I make you--because there's no one else who could reduce you down to such a state other than me."

His grip in your hair tightened as he forced you to look back at him. There was nothing but darkness in his eyes. The frigid iciness of contempt for anyone that wasn't him--and you, to an extent--and the fiercely burning intensity towards those who infringed upon his possessions--which again, included you. "So then, what will it be?"

With a whimper, you instead swiveled and gyrated your hips back against his cock, all the while you lowered your posture slightly, signaling where you wanted to be in consideration to him. Gazing right into his eyes, you panted out, "I only want to be a sight for you, Diego. No one else's. The only person who can see me like this that absolutely no one else can is you." You retracted one hand from the wall to instead place it over the one he was holding your hip with. "So don't be jealous, okay? Just use me however you want to--I'll be content with that."

A low, chilling laughter rose from deep within Diego's throat. Licking his lips, he gave you an arrogant smirk as he purred, "Ahh, what a delightful answer, darling. Surely this is why I am fond of you the most. Here, allow me to give you my thanks...!"

He picked up in speed, in rhythm, in force. The concrete walls of the beachside shower room was even noisier as the frequency of his hips crashing into yours increased. You were back to bracing yourself against the wall with both hands, your eyes rolling and your head thrown back as you were subjected to be thoroughly and vigorously fucked.

Diego would make it a point to start booking suites with private pools from here on out.

[chatoyee]

how do you tell your mother that yes, i do have mental health issues that actually require therapy? that everything she said and worries that you have are true?

i’m sorry, mum. i always knew i could never be as strong-minded and as capable as you have always been. i remember you recounting those memories of when you were young, how you never faltered with your words and stood your ground regardless of the situation. bullies never feared you because of your sharp tongue and your beauty to match.

i can never be like you, and it’s because of the many voices in my head telling me that i’m simply not enough. and i’m really sorry that i cried that night right in front of you. that breakdown i had, i really do apologise. i didn’t mean to make you so scared, but i just couldn’t do it any more. i’ve always felt inferior to all my friends, and being constantly compared to them and just others in general - i can’t deal with that.

“you’ve gotta be confident like me.” i wish i could be. “you know i always want my daughter to be the best, and so i try to give you the best for everything. if i don’t care about you, then who would i care for if not my own daughter?” even recalling these words brings me to tears. it’s almost been a week since it all happened but i still feel like shit because i know you’re trying your best. it’s all my fault, really.

you don’t understand mental health, and that’s not because you’re wilfully ignorant. you just don’t get it. no-one’s ever tried to explain to you, and i’m sure you’re dealing with demons of your own. in fact, i know so. it’s just... there’s so much stigma. you whispered “therapy” under your breath as if it were a curse word, supposing that it would conjure up some sort of unwanted presence. but don’t you realise? there is an unwanted presence constantly shadowing me, and it’s never really gone away. 

i can’t even remember when it all started, but it started way before he happened. i know that you are aware of all the things he’d inflicted upon me. i never wanted to tell him but i knew you were very dubious about him and how he’d impact me. the very first day i told you about him, you didn’t exactly keep your reservations about him to yourself. to this day, you still tell me about how you just wanted me to be happy, so you let things be. you thought that’s what i wanted. i’m sorry i never listened.

i think things started when i was around 15. i remember that day quite clearly. i was with a friend, walking up the stairs to our classroom on the 2nd floor. it was the first week back from the summer holidays. she’d asked me how i felt and i can honestly say that the first feeling that ran through me was ‘shit. i feel like shit.’ things just went downhill from there.

i like to say it’s seasonal affective disorder. the winter likes to let me slip through its fingers, toying me about with its occasional ribbons of sunlight streaming through the greyness. but why is it that i cry so much during the summertime? isn’t that when i’m supposed to feel my best? four consecutive years of tears. is it because i’m also extremely insecure?

“you’d look a lot better in those if your thighs weren’t so big” / “aren’t you eating a lot?” / “oh wow, your double chin in that picture” / “it’s a shame you can’t transfer the fat from your butt to your chest, huh?” / “your skin is really dry, don’t you moisturise it? your eczema’s gotten better though, hasn’t it? remember when you were little? it was so bad!” / “why don’t you try putting some ointment on your stretch marks? so you can wear bikinis?” / “you’re really dark now, aren’t you? you better stay out of the sun”

i know i’m not fat. but why is it that i feel fat? why do i feel ugly? and why are these two concepts seen to be synonymous? why am i making this connection between two words that shouldn’t be seen as the same? but what is it that i’m lacking? i cried and cried and i knew it was absolutely ridiculous of me to give in to norms and expectations like that. if anyone, of course i would know better than to sob my eyes out at these social constructs that shouldn’t mean shit to me. yet i was so fucking vulnerable. and i felt terrible for subjecting my own mother to my unrelenting wails because i felt that i’m just plain ugly. that i’m undesirable. 

she took one look at me and asked, “i know that isn’t the only thing on your mind for you to be crying like this. what else is there? you can tell me.” it took me a brief moment to connect all the dots and realise how fucking damaging these norms are, yet here i am, still trying so fucking hard to adhere to them. to let them dictate my self-worth and attach that to my level of desirability to people i liked. goodness gracious, what have i become but a fucking fool for something as shit as love. how is it that love is also guided by these idiotic gender norms?

“i just feel ugly because things never work out with the people i end up liking. i think they just don’t like me enough. or i’m just not enough for them.” she knows pretty much everything. from the very beginning, trying to hide my feelings from this woman isn’t possible when she can read me like an open book. she tears through each of my pages without any grace, each of her questions pinpointing details with a quick skim that others would acquire with intense interrogation. but my mother is nimble. 

but what is it to me, reassurance that it’s not yet my time, when everyone else seems to have found their ‘time’? my life from last summer onwards is just full of ebbs and flows. there will never be any sense of stability from now on.

i couldn’t have the one i wanted last year because i didn’t want a long distance relationship. i didn’t trust myself. i didn’t trust him. i didn’t trust relationships. it hurts too much to be too far. i knew i’d probably dip because it would hurt too bad, to be so far from him and make him suffer so much. he was never the type to hold down. this summer, the one i wanted, yet again, parted by a fucking ocean. why is it that my soul continuously wants another who can never have their feet rooted in the same place as me for more than six months?

i think it’s me. i want what i cannot have. perhaps there really is something romantic about a love that just doesn’t work out. it’s the bittersweet taste to which i keep on coming back, rather thoughtlessly too. perhaps that’s why my taste for wine has grown. i never liked wine. thought it too bitter. wine is one of my favourites now. i’ve grown too accustomed to what tastes like departure.

[lovehotelreservation]

Summertime Swelter - Attire

Summary: It doesn’t take too much for Iwaizumi’s temper to flare whenever Oikawa’s around, but nothing immediately sets him off just as much when you and a revealing swimsuit are to be considered as well.

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Reader/Iwaizumi

HELLO EVERYONE! And so the spamming continues with dearest darling Swolezumi and his breathtaking arms~ I hope your enjoy!

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If there was any way to best describe Iwaizumi, it was simply "no nonsense."

Whatever bullshit that ever came his way, he would address and handle it immediately.

It wasn't a surprise that a lot of ridiculousness in his life was caused by Oikawa, but he had no issue about checking his dear yet pompous friend on his playfulness.

Especially when you were involved.

It was no secret to the Seijoh volleyball team that Iwaizumi was protective of you. As their manager, you already had a lot to deal with thanks to Oikawa. With his duties as vice-captain, Iwaizumi made it a priority that you weren't bothered any more than necessary.

Being thankful for him always keeping an eye out for your sake, you were especially fond of and drawn to him. There was shared pleasure in watching him leap up into the air, one muscled arm prone while waiting to deliver a devastating spike to the opposing team. There was understood sorrow with any lost match, during which you were more than welcoming to offer him comfort.

Between the fondness in your voice as you cheered him on during a match, a look on your face that was like that of an awestruck fan gazing onto the poster of a musician they had a crush on, to how prideful and earnest he looked when he delivered the winning spike, all while his gaze immediately sought out to connect with yours.

A close bond between teammates and its associated staff were necessary for a team's success. And if there was anything that fueled Iwaizumi to be at his utmost peak performance for any match, it was when the two of you decided to enter a relationship together.

But this also meant that he was even more protective of you, and even more critical to Oikawa, who seemed to find a near euphoric joy from dancing on the breaking point of others.

Much like today, while Aoba-Johsai's third years were off on their annual school trip to Hawaii.

The clear waters of Waikiki shore, the tolerable humidity of Hawaii's weather--unlike that of back home--and the overall liveliness of the city.

Everything about this trip was meant for students, especially the sports teams, to relax and indulge for a bit of freedom before returning to the rigors of tournaments and university entrance exams.

Here, everyone was meant to unwind.

But Iwaizumi only found himself wound up tight once he saw you reveal your swimsuit.

Today was to be spent on Waikiki Beach, with a plethora of activities planned to solidify school spirit and classmate bonds. As manager of the sports team, you were called to help out with these events, running around town with the student council to grab any needed supplies that weren't already brought by the teachers. It meant that Iwaizumi didn't have much of a chance to talk to you during the first couple days of the trip, especially since he was pulled along for some intense beach volleyball matches with the rest of the team.

Knowing this, you thought it would be best to not include him on the bit of personal shopping you did for yourself when your errands around Waikiki allowed it.

And surely the wait to surprise him was well worth it, especially watching him practically choke on his coconut juice.

All Iwaizumi could see was skin and curves. It was familiar territory for him, which he was always happy to continually memorize of travel over with his lips and fingers. But for the rest of the team, it was an astonishing but pleasant surprise.

"Heh, well someone lucked out pretty well," Hanamaki quipped playfully, sending Iwaizumi a teasing grin.

Quietly, Matsukawa held up his hands, forming a rectangle with his fingers. He stared at you for a moment before nodding, his voice humorous and his expression amused. "The manager's a masterpiece. You chose well, Iwaizumi."

"Ahh~! Even in the revealing swimsuits of Americans, our dear manager-chan looks so cute~!" Oikawa cried out, over-dramatically stretching his arms out wide and clasping his heart tightly. His head snapping to Iwaizumi, he grinned like a mischievous feline and added. "You better watch out Iwa-chan~! I may be in a thieving mood tonight~!"

Though, theft would be hard to pull off after the suplex that Iwaizumi inflicted on him once he handed his coconut over to Matsukawa.

While Hanamaki and Matsukawa snickered together while dusting off their dazed and tearful captain--the latter offering a sip of coconut juice--Iwaizumi only snorted before he turned towards your direction and--

You were smiling.

No.

Grinning.

For all the time you spent with him as his classmate, manager, and now as his lover, you knew what your current attire was doing to him.

Teasing and offering a challenge.

One was something he absolutely had no time for while the other was some he was quick to seize and claim victory for.

As noted, Iwaizumi was a no nonsense kind of person.

And as far as he could see, his teammates were off spouting nonsensically while your swimsuit was the embodiment of nonsense.

Thus was why he simply had to tear it off once he hauled you back to his room once the opportunity arose during a scheduled break time, made easier by the fact that the hotel was less than a block away from the beach.

"Hah-- Hajime, isn't this going too far? They're your teammates. Aren't you used to this kind of teasing?"

Laid bare, you remained sprawled on your side beneath an equally naked Iwaizumi, the moans released through your grinning lips coming out breathless. By the command of his hands, you were positioned with one leg hooked over his shoulder--with his hand firmly gripping your thigh--the other sandwiched and straddled between his sculpted, hard muscled thighs while he fucked you. Through this, he had you locked, caged, with no way to wiggle your way out to escape him.

Besides, you all people would know how awful an absence could affect a player's standing in a team.

Even with him asserting himself above you, even with how thoroughly and vigorously he was driving his cock deep into your depths, even with that gorgeous conflict between angered jealousy and hungry lust, you couldn't help but want to tease and prod him a bit more.

Which in turn made him believe that years of being around Oikawa's teasing nature was finally rubbing off on you.

He snarled and was compelled to punish you further.

"Hmph, just because I'm used to it doesn't mean I have to sit back and endure. You on the other hand..." Iwaizumi squeezed your thigh while he drew it closer to his head, his other hand dipping between your legs. Right as the rough touch of his fingertips fell over your clit, not wasting a second more to begin stroking it in tight, little circles, he quickened his pace, the noisiness of his sweat-slicked skin slapping against yours becoming louder with his increased force.

You cried out in response, bucking your hips against his hand while grinding down against his intruding cock. The sensation of his fingers stroking your clit as he ravaged you was enough to finally cause the tides of your release begin to rise. But as soon as he heard you whimper, he only smirked and retracted his fingers, instead preferring to slip them right into your moaning lips.

The look you gave him was one of agony, of "How could you?"

But the smoldering glower he gave in response had you hushing your whines by sucking on his fingers instead.

Iwaizumi growled in satisfaction, now taking in the warm wet heat of both your core and tongue. "That's right. What you're doing right now is something meant only for me. That lewd look on your face, how you're hungrily taking in my fingers and my cock--only for me." He began to slow his tempo to instead ram the full size of his thickness in hard, solid thrusts. "You maybe manager to the team, but you're mine, understand? The guys--especially Shittykawa--can joke all they want, but when I'm through with you, and you're wearing my shirt instead of that goddamn swimsuit, they will know who you're meant for, is that right?"

He slipped his fingers out from your lips with a pop, groaning when he saw your tongue try to trail after them, wishing to lick over them further. But not to be distracted, he cupped your chin, thumbing over your bottom lip. "Is that right?" His question was repeated in a growl.

Your hands reached for his wrist, cradling it gently while you looked into his eyes adoringly. Kissing his thumb, you affirmed, "Without a doubt, Hajime."

Smirking, he drew his hand away to reward you with a kiss. "Good."

Though it would be some time until he would actually be through with making certain aspects about your relationship clear, he made sure to spend every minute with you as productively as possible.

Even if, once the two of you eventually returned to where his teammates were, all were utterly floored to see that not only were you instead covered up in Iwaizumi's sizeable t-shirt, but you appeared to have been in need to be carried back to the beach.