#i couldnt make up my fuckin mind and was fighting for my life over here

[cerealmonster15]

jamiazu / ashenviper week day 3: angst

boohoohoo wahhh

i chose to sketch out a scene from a fic i wrote a few years ago[help hows time passed like that...] and i was initially gonna draw the comfort scene at the end instead but. well. i did not do that LOL...

this scene:

more or less lol

[varusai]

who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it

sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u

Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.

Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.

cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun

this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.

i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.

0/10 completely undateable

Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:

pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,

cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention

this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.

im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.

it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao

so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D

Groribas, my fav girl:

pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever

cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy

overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me

Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:

pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you

cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy

this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability

some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao

[todo-ho-ki]

In honor of me never writing a single fucking word for the stories I’m still actually working on, I wanted to do something, anything at all, and obviously right now I’m fixating on haikyu instead of BNHA so welcome to...

Chances I’d Fight the Haikyu Boys and the Likelihood I’d Win

KARASUNO

Daichi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 he’s a master of being cool and respectful he wouldn’t give me a reason to square up

Chances I’d win- Manz could crush me with his thighs alone one kick and I’m in the afterlife BUT he wouldn’t fight a lady so 1/10

Suga 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 1/10 a bitch might consider for money or something but otherwise. HEEEELLLL NO

Chances I’d win: suga seems lovely but Manz is as unhinged as his jaw will be when he swallows my arm whole after I try to punch him 2/10

Asahi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -3/10 he’s a soft boy I’d never fight him but +2 bc I might give him a gentle arm punch if need be. Overall -1/10

Chances I’d win: he only LOOKS scary but he wouldn’t hurt a fly tbh he’s probably scared of flies and looking like an asshole for fighting back 9/10 -1 point because Manz got REACH and COULD take me out if he wanted

Noya 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 4/10 he can be a little shit sometimes I stg

Chances I’d win: -1/10 he could jump on me and bite my jugular out I ain’t fuckin w/him. +2 points bc he’s a simp so he probably WOULDNT...but he COULD. Overall 1/10

Tanaka 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 6/10 he do be antagonizing sometimes and I swear if he SAY SOME SHIT TO ME...

Chances I’d win: mans could probably ACTUALLY win a fight hes full of energy and he could probs give me a look and I’d get scared 3/10 bc I don’t think he’d fight me either he’s a GENTLEMAN OK

Kageyama🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -50/10 bitch is SCARY and I know he’ll throw hands I’ve seen it

Chances I’d win: kageyama DO NOT GIVE A FUCK he’s broody in general and have you SEEN HIS SERVES he could slap me into next week(I’d thank him OOP) -370/10

Hinata 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -500/10 Hinata is best boy I’d never lay a hand on him

Chances I’d win: I’d say 10/10 but I’ve SEEN that look in his eyes I don’t wanna know what it means so 6/10

Tsukishima 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: Manz knows all the buttons to press he’s a salty MF 8/10 but not 10/10 cuz he looks hot sometimes

Chances I’d win: he’d probably say something that makes me cry and id get distracted and he’ll walk away 2/10 cuz I could take him if I could see past the tears

Yamaguchi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -60,000/10 yams is a ray of SUNSHINE I could NEVER

Chances I’d win: here’s where things get tricky. He’s friends with Tsuki so he’s def got the sass and shit I think he’d be the one to secretly be able to THROW DOWN 3/10

NEKOMA

Kuro 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -530,000/10 I LOVE him sm I simp too hard I can’t ruin that pretty face and that smirk NO ABSOLUTELY NOT

Chances I’d win: Manz is like a tree he could hold me at bay w/one of those buff-ass arms or crush my head with his thighs and since id let him, -6/10. minus three points cuz he’d charm me out of fighting

Kenma 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 7/10 BAD BITCH GOT A ATTITUDE, NASTY

Chances I’d win: Kenma’s spicy and he WILL fight but I got too much strength on him so 9/10 I think he’d pull out some moves before giving up

Lev 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 4/10 sometimes he’s just...REALLY stupid and arrogant which makes my eye twitch but minus 4 points bc he’s a big softie

Chances I’d win: his arm alone is longer than my body even if he couldnt fight he could swing blindly and accidentally hit the part of my brain responsible for consciousness in a panic. Also 4/10

Yaku 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: absolutely not I love his sassy attitude he be talkin shit sometimes 0/10 plus three points bc sometimes hed aim his tude at me and I STG

Chances I’d win: Manz is small but ready to pounce he’d jump on my back like a spider monkey and punch my skull till it caves in RIP me. 4/10 plus 2 points bc hed take it out on Lev instead

Fukunaga 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 Manz never did nothin to nobody

Chances I’d win: he’d probably say something so funny I’d die from lack of oxygen w/o ever getting a hit in 3/10 if I can breathe I can get his ass

SEIJOH

Oikawa 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: depends on the day but a solid 6/10 he’s a little bitch sometimes but we love to see it. I also don’t wanna be messin up that pretty ass face

Chances I’d win: if he REALLY wanted to he could serve me into a different reality but he wouldn’t fight unless he ABSOLUTELY had to so I could get his ass too. Pre time skip: 19/10. Minus 63 points because I KNOW 27 year old oikawa would WRECK MY SHIT and I’d say please sir may I have some more

Iwaizumi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: yo, you out to DAMN MIND??? -100,000/10

Chances I’d win: look. LOOK. Iwa Chan’s biceps are bigger than my head I mean NOTHING to him. I’m but a pebble to a god. He got a 6’7” attitude cuz he can swing like a 6’7” man. He could probably pull his dick out once and obliterate me with the seismic aftershock of it hitting the ground. -1235/10 minus six points bc ID LET HIM KILL ME

Yahaba 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: solid 7/10 KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS

Chances I’d win: see, you’d THINK this would be where I’d have the upper hand but Manz manhandled mad dog and lived. He’d slam me into a wall until my soul leaves my body right where I stand 3/10 bc he be simpin. Minus 3 points because I’d enjoy it

Mattsun 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: pre time skip:0/10

post time skip: -57/10 I ain’t putting my hands on a face that pretty

Chances I’d win: I’m doomed. He’d give me one look and I’d cave. Im walking out the broom closet limping but not bc of a fight. -41/10

Kiyotani 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: we’ll go with a solid -5/10 for...reasons

Chances I’d win: if I actually stood up to him he’d freeze in place but he could slap me into a different country if provoked 1/10

Kunimi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 we love a man who’s emotionally detached plus he’s hot tf

Chances I’d win: Manz would give up halfway through if he even indulged in the first place. 6/10 minus three points bc I’d win by default after he walks away

INARIZAKI

Kita 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: he’s a good boy -3/10

Chances I’d win: respectable guy but I have no doubt he’d rock my shit I’m ascending to the astral plane 1/10

Osamu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: uh-uh. 0/10

Chances I’d win: he’s the aggressive twin. One flying kick to the heart and it’s across the gym and I’m dead as FUCK. 2/10 minus 2 points bc PLEASE put your hands on me sir

Atsumu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: a soft 4/10 he’s a BRAT buuuuuut I love him so fucking much I’d let it go

Chances I’d win: he’s all bark and no bite. Srry bby but you’re gettin FOLDED I love you though. 88/10. minus 370 points bc please spend the rest of your life with me I could never hurt you 🥺

Aran 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -5/10 he’s so sweet why would you fight him

Chances I’d win: he’d serve a volleyball into the back of my head and I take +10 damage from how cool it looks. Can fit my face in one hand probably. -43/10 minus ten points because of how cool he’d look killing me instantly

Suna 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 2/10 he’s a little shit too he’d make someone record it

Chances I’d win: he’d try to fuck me instead. It would work. 1/10 bc I’d slap him afterward but like, sexily

FUKURODANI

Bokuto 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 3/10 emo mode GOTS TO GO

Chances I’d win: his ass would pull me into it’s orbit and he’d use the opportunity to crush me with his thighs. -6/10. Minus 4 points bc what a FUCKING way to go please kill me

Akaashi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 1/10 he’s intimidating you kidding me NO

Chances I’d win: I could take him if he’s distracted by Bokuto. 6/10 if he is, 1/10 if he’s not

Konoha 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -3/10 we love a sassy boy

Chances I’d win: I’m not maiming a face that pretty -28/10 I’d get lost in his eyes tf

SHIRATORIZAWA

Ushijima 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: none and a half I couldn’t even look at him. -.5/10

Chances I’d win: one smack would knock my organs out of my body. Big boy+big body=big death even if he misses the aftershock will stop my heart -67/10 minus four points bc RAIL ME

Tendou 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 14/10 SQUARE UP BITCH

Chances I’d win: WELCOME TO HELL. YOUVE MADE A MISTAKE 36/10

Shirabu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 he’s too cool

Chances I’d win: he wouldn’t show. Too busy getting his hair cut. I win by default. 10/10 minus four points bc there would be no fight

Semi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: I wouldn’t. 0/10. He’d give me the semi brow and I’d be down and out for the count. I’m not hitting a face that pretty.

Chances I’d win: 2/10. Minus three points bc he’d smash a guitar over my head, killing me instantly. Minus three more points bc I’d ask him to wear a leather jacket first

Goshiki 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: None. 0/10. His words and his bangs are as cool as ever.

Chances I’d win: he’d cry if I looked at him wrong. 86/10 but minus four points bc he’s baby

EXTRAS

Sakusa 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: surprisingly high. 7/10 bc a bitch got a attitude. Minus 8 points because he’s so fucking beautiful I don’t know if I could follow through

Chances I’d win: I’d just lick my hands before I started swinging and he’d leave. 8/10. Minus two points bc I think if he REALLY needed to square up he’d take me down in a fucking headlock until I pass out. Minus two more points because I’d ask him to squeeze harder.

Ukai jr. 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: that’s the wrong F word kids 😏. -34/10 besides I ain’t squaring up with a man that wears a headband like that

Chances I’d win: he probably could eat a bowl of nails for breakfast without any milk. -99/10. Minus 15 points bc I’d stop to ask him if he wants to finish this at my place

Hiragumi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: why would you fight such a good, PRETTY boy? -5/10

Chances I’d win: he’d smile at me and I’d give up. -12/10

Takeda 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: I think he’d kill me honestly. Plus the boys would’ve never had a chance w/o him absolutely NOT -2/10

Chances I’d win: he’s hiding a demon from hell under that green jacket. -60/10

Terushima🏐

Chances I’d fight him: sheeeit I could try but his sexiness would leave me paralyzed. 1/10 if I look at enough pictures I could get past his fucking blonde undercut and tongue ring

Chances I’d win: he’d have my thighs around his head in 1.8 seconds. Will kill me with his tongue. -435/10

[karsonisnot]

Alright, so imma try just straight text posting the chapters to my tumblr as well, seeming as it seems to work for other people, however i will leave a copy of the link on here so u guys can show some love there if u like.

https://my.w.tt/KeEgwDgCpbb

MiKayla meets Chloe and Belle for the first time after being seperated from the rest of the world almost all her life. Mikayla all of a sudden finds herself back in the old world when they explain everything that has been going on, with one goal. To take down it all.

*DISCLAIMERS*

This is not about the dream smp member, this is a time where they have grown up and had kids, which is told from their perseptive.

This was written in a time where all these people were alive story wise, so fuck it, they all lived to have kids. No, i will not be explaining where the kids come from, but they are related to their respective parent. Im just too lazy to explain it

And in this, TOMMY AND TUBBO ARE JUST FRIENDS. Stop shipping 16 year olds together, and get your life together.

Chapter one: running and hiding

Everything had been diffrent for awhile. Not that anything about chloe's life was normal to begin with, but alot was changing. Her and her family was forced into hiding a long time ago, before the first retakeover happened before she was even born.

   She had been told what had happened countless times, so many it was almost like she lived it. The manburg second rise to power. When her dad stuck around. That was, till Niki got killed in the crossfire of the war. That was when her dad grabbed his best friend and booked it, and ran so far away they would never be found, and built themselves a world out here

  She was broken from her thoughts by a chicken in her room. She didnt really think much of it till she realized there was a chicken in her room

  "What the fu-"

  "NO, GET BACK HERE"

  Her dad ran full force into the room, bewilidered.

  "THERE YOU ARE" He screamed, throwing himself at the chicken, who just dodgedhis attack.

   She fell backwards out of the way, her blond hair blocking anything that happened, until she threw it back into place and saw her dad. On the floor. With a chicken trying to eat his hair.

   She sat there and watched as her dad fought with the chicken over who owned his hair. Eventually he managed to get up and grab the chicken before it could try and flee again.

  He looked at her, and she couldnt hold back her laughter anymore. His hair was an absoulte mess and he looked like he was in extreame disstress.

  "What's so funny, what, do you wanna wrestle a fuckin chicken?" He said, shoving the chicken in her face, just causing it to go more crazy.

  "NO NO NO, I will not be fighting any chicken, thank you, please put the weapon down." She said, swatting it away.

  "Well maybe next time don't get a chicken in your room."

  "Well maybe next time dont let a chicken loose from the pin with the front door open."

  They both heard a muffled laugh come from the hallway, and saw Belle standing there. Her black hair in way better condition then either of theirs.

  "Well, she is right Tommy." She remarked, trying to look innocent.

  At that, Tommy stormed off mumbling profanities at the chicken, and went outside to put it back in its pin.

   Belle walked in and went to the window ledge, after a couple of seconds, Chloe joined her.

   "How are you this morning?"chloe said after watching her dad dump the chicken in the pin.

  "Eh, im pretty good, espically after watching that. You?"

  "Im pretty okay."

  Belle looked over at her, and saw her looking out into the forest.

  "Your thinking about going out there again, arent you?"

  "I mean, maybe."

   Belle looked at her, with a mix of emotion, mainly concern.

  "Come on man, you know thay area is off limits. We cant go out there."

  "I mean, why not? We've done it before, nothing bad ever happened, I dont understand the pararnioa around a wooded area!" Chloe said, defensively.

   Belle looked out at the scenery. The trees going over the feilds, the lake about a half mile out, not a single other thing in sight. Ever.

  "I mean, we always use to go out there at night" Chole began. "We would go out there with nothing but lanterns and we would run around, just not caring  about anything. We would play by the lake, we would talk about whatever came to mind, we would bring swords put there and practice on trees, we would do anything, and nothing would ever happen."

   Belle sighed. She was right, but they stopped going years ago to keep both their dads sane. They were paranoid about manburg or "worse" finding them. Whatever worse meant.

  "Hey, have you two seen Tommy?" A voice said from behind.

  They both turned around to find Tubbo at the doorway, looking worried.

  "He was suppose to come in after taking care of the chicken."

   He walked up to the window, and they all three started started scanning the area, to find no Tommy, anywhere.

  "Where could he have g-"

   He was cut off short by seeing Tommy run up the hill, clearly in panic.

   Tubbo ran out to the hallway just to meet Tommy in the middle.

  "Get the kids out if here. Now!" Tommy said, scrambling to his gear.

  "What, why, what goin-"

  "I DONT HAVE TIME TO EXPLAIN, THEIR HERE TUBBO, GET THEM OUT, NOW!"

   Tubbo instantly turned around and met the two girls in the hallway.

  "Okay girls, with me, and hurry." He said, alreadly on his way to the back of the house

   They followed as quickly as they could, extreamly concerned and confused. Tubbo, after a little seaching, found a loose floorboard and lifted it up, inside was a backpack.

  "Okay, Chloe, take this, and grab your weapons on the way out the back, and run. Run far away from here."

  "What, why, whats going on?!" Belle said, clearly about to break down.

  "Look, keeping it short, manburg forces found this area. Just keep running North, and when we can, me and Tommy will find you, but for right now, we need to hold our ground, or risk everything in this house."

  "Wait, why not just leave too?!" Chloe said, dumbfounded they even thought of staying.

  "Because, there are things in this house we cant risk them getting, now leave please, before you cant!"

   Chloe grabbed Belle by the arm and started walking the direction of the back door.

  "WAIT!" Belle yelled, forcing chloe to let go.

   Belle ran up to her dad, and hugged him, tears starting to stream.

  "I love you dad." She said, grip tighting.

  "I love you too, honey bee, now go, Ill be there soon."

   She let go and ran back to chloe, and grabbed her sword and bow. Chloe took her axe and took for the back door with Belle.

  "BE GOOD TO HER CHLOE" she heard Tubbo yell before the door fully shut.

   They both took down the hill as fast they could. And ran for the forest. When they were finally there, they stopped for a second to take things in.

   First mistake made that night.

  "WHO'S OVER THERE!" They heard a man say, right before turning and being met with a crossbow

   Chloe grabbed Belle and took off in the opposite direction, not knowing if she was going the right way.

  "GET THEM!"

  Chloe cursed under her breath and looked at Belle, who was now running right next to her. They both knew what to do. They were taught in this circumstance, move in a difficult way.

   Bella all if a sudden split off, and Chloe, hoping they wernt near, grabbed on to a tree and climbed into the leaves.

  Guess sneaking out did pay off in the end.

  Only about two minute later, she saw people move underneath.

  "Where did they go?" A woman said.

  "Dont know, but they cant have gone far." A male voice spoke out.

   Chloe stayed still, trying to not make them look up, because if she did, her khaki colored jeans and red jacket wouldnt blend in the best.

  Chloe looked around and saw something else in the trees. After a few seconds, Belles face appeared through the leaves, making direct eye contact with her. They both did there best to communicate with their eyes, but it wasnt going to work wothout their hands being able to move.

  "What do we do, sir?" The female said, speaking up.

  "Split up, their teens, they cant do anything to us, so split up and find their hiding spot."

  They heard movement happen below them, and after a while of not hearing them, they jumped down.

  Chloe, pointed in a direction, next to asking if they should go that way with her face. Belle proceeded to do neck swipey thingy with her hand and pointed the other direction. Chloe nodded, not wanting to argue silently with her.

  They both went in that direction, weapins in hand, waiting for something to happen. But nothing ever did. And they eventually put away the weapons and started talking

  "Do you know where the fuck we're going?" Chloe asked, clearly done with all of this.

  "Nope, not a clue."

  "Oh great, this is gonna go extreamly well."

   They went on for hours. And hours. And hours. Till eventually they needed to stop. They came upon this rocky cliff and decided to sit there, and rest for a short while.

  "I cant fucking beilive this, i thought we were safe from all of that shit." Chloe said, sitting down next to belle.

  "I really dont know why."

  Belle sat there and thought, letting her mind wonder on what just happened and what could have possibly happened. Their parents could have fended them off, saved the day, and be on their way here right now. But, on the oppsite side, what if they lost. What if they were taken in. Or worse, what if they were de-

  "What's that." Chloe said, breaking her thought trail.

  Clhoe was pointing at the rock, and after an embarrsing amount of seconds, Belle found it. It was

  "A button."

  Chloe got up at the mention of anything clickable, and walked towards it. Belle knew what was about to happen.

  "Uh, maybe dont press the mys-"

  Too late.

  All of a sudden, a part of the wall started opening and Belle got up in response. She turned to see a giant hole being made into a cavern. A lit cavern.

  "Holy shit." Chloe said, stunned.

  "Sho- should we really go in there?" Belle said, clearly scared if whats inside.

  "Oh come on, stop being a pussy. After all, our lives could be ruined, why not risk it"

  Chloe took a soild pace towards the entrace, Belle scrambling to catch up, not wanting to be left behind. When they got inside, the doors shut alot faster then it could open. But before they could even blink, they heard a voice.

"Dad, is that you?"

[thatssonanii]

Just the Two of Us (12)

HAHN AU

After lunch Melissa rode with Benny and Lainey since Marcie was headed back to Maxine. Despite her telling them they didn't have to, the siblings walked her up to her apartment and stepped inside.

"Your place is very," Lainey paused looking around, "Put together."

Melissa snorted plopping down on the sofa, "Wasn't any of my doing. It was his mom."

Before they could go any further, Jeffrey slid his feet into the main area of the apartment with a scowl on his face. He walked over to toss a card to her and turned back around not caring that it fell on the floor. Melissa started to pick it up but Benny got to it first.

"Aye, don't throw shit at no woman. Fuck is wrong witchu?"

Lainey politely stepped out of her brother's way going to sit beside her friend. Jeffrey turned back around, the scowl still on his face.

"How about you mind your got damn business and get out of my place."

Benny held the card up between them, "Don't throw shit at no woman. Hand it to her."

"I'm not handing shit to her. You can if you want to and then get the hell out."

Laughing a little, Benny's free hand went to his throat. He squeezed then lifted the smaller man off the ground. Lainey had to stop her friend from getting up, her intervening wouldn't make Benny let him go and Lainey knew it.

"You heard what I said. I don't fuckin repeat myself," Benny said through gritted teeth, "Do what I said or Ima toss you the way you tossed this card."

Benny held him up a few seconds longer then let him go and held the card out. Jeffrey took it for him and went to hold it out to Melissa with a shaky hand then left the room quickly.

"Hes gonna be so mad when yall leave," Melissa laughed.

Benny shrugged. "You got my number, call if you need me to break his jaw."

"Break his jaw?"

"Yeah," Benny nodded a small smirk on his face. "I break jaws and I break backs. Depends on my mood."

Lainey stood up quickly groaning, "See, uhn uhn that's nasty. Let's go, Benjamin."

Benny laughed at both females reactions. Melissa sat there looking stuck, just staring at him. He winked at her ignoring his sister pulling his arm.

"Ima get outta here and get my lil baby home. But you call me, aight?"

Melissa nodded. "Alright, Benny."

"Your lil baby is ready to go," Lainey sassed, "Bring your ass on, Romeo."

Benny dropped her off at the house then went to his office to check on the paperwork the secretary said he needed to look over. To be honest, he had been avoiding going to his tow yard. He was still extremely angry with Mitch but he didn't want to get carried away and kill him. He was ruthleess but he wasn't stupid.

Seeing the old Honda made him roll his eyes but he got out anyway and went inside the office. He stopped by the secretary's desk to pick up the folder with his name on it then headed back to the larger office. Mitch got up from his desk when he saw his friend wall into their shared office.

"Benny, I been callin you. I wanna talk and make this right." Mitch sputtered out quickly.

"You wanna talk," Benny scoffed tossing the folder onto his desk, "Talk about how you groped my lil baby in the one place she's supposed to be safe?"

Mitch sighed, "You have every right to be pissed, I get it. I was drunk and not thinking I'm sorry."

Benny swung at the slightly taller man, hitting him in his mouth. "Keep that bullshit ass apology. You thought she was gon let you do it and give in but my sister smarter than them females you be dealing with."

Mitch doubled over and held his jaw, "Dammit, B! Chill!"

Ignoring him, Benny charge at his former friend knocking him over and started to assault him. Though Mitch was bigger in stature, Benny was much stronger and it showed. Mitch was pretty much powerless in the fight. Satisfied with what he'd done, Benny got up and dusted himself off. He went to his desk to sign the paperwork leaving his unconscious ex friend on the floor and left when he was finish. Benny knew he didn't have enough money to buy Much outta his half of their business but when he did, Mitch was a good as gone.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three months later and things were going smoothly. Fortunately for Jeffrey's jaw, he had been cordial with Melissa so Benny didn't have to make any visits. But that didn't stop her from talking to him on the phone almost every night, and taking him lunch a few times a week. Mitch's brusies had finally healed and he came back to work full time but he was rarely in the office with Benny. Caleb had moved into the house, Benny and Lainey didn't protest it, they were trying for the sake of their mother to have a better relationship with him. Lainey had spent those months getting her salon prepared and decorated, finally she was finished. It was time for her party to celebrate the night before opening.

"Girl, you did a good ass job in here," Marcie exclaimed hugger her friend.

"Thank you, girl. I couldnt have done it without Benny. He was actually pretty helpful."

Marcie looked around. "Where is he anyway? I figired he might have been with Melissa but she's over there with your mom."

Lainey shrugged, "He said he had to pick up my gifts. He should be here in a little while though."

"Aaah, okay. So how does it feel to have your own salon? Its all yours, girl."

Lainey laughed, "Its not mine till I pay for it completely but I'm excited. I've wanted this for forever."

"What do you mean? Girl, I already know about it being paid off."

"What? No its not," Lainey frowned. "I haven't paid for this."

Charles crept up behind her smiling and spoke softly. "But I did."

Jumping, Lainey turned around with a smile on her face. She accepted his hug enjoying his arms around her then pulled away and hit his arm.

"Charles, did you really pay for this?"

He nodded. "Yes ma'am, I did."

"But why? Charles, that's a lot of money."

"To you it might be," he replied moving a piece of hair from her face, "But to me no amount of money is too much. Think of it as a gift from your man."

Melissa came over at the end of his statement and nudged Marcie.

"Ooop, don't let Benny find out his lil baby got a man," she joked.

Marcie laughed, "That vein in his neck gon burst open in here."

Lainey flipped them off the turned back to Charles. "I dont know what to say but thank you. I'll pay it back."

Charles kissed her forehead, "Pay me back by letting me take you to dinner tomorrow after you close."

Lainey agreed just as his phone started to ring. He let her know he was going to step back into her office to take the call. While he was gone the ladies talked amongst each other and the other party goers. Tilda went to grab her niece's hand and led her over to her parents.

"We are so proud of you, babygirl. You've wanted this since you were young and you got it." Caleb reminisced. He moved in to hug her and for the first time in a while she didn't reject him.

Hanna was next, she squeeezed her daughter tight and rocked them from side to side before letting go. "You just don't know how happy and proud I am of you, little girl. And I didn't forget about my trip to Aruba either."

Lainey laughed and nodded. "Yes ma'am. You know Ima still take you."

Thirty minutes went by before Benny walked in with a big smile on his face. He cut the music down then gathered everybody around excitedly.

"You ready for ya gift, Lainey?" He asked.

"Yees! I been waiting all night for it."

Benny laughed, "Its only been an hour since the party started, drama queen. But I got you something that will make this evening feel complete. You ready?"

Lainey nodded wondering what her brother could have possibly gotten her. He had already made sure she had everything in the salon and then some. Benny told her and their mama to close their eyes then went to open the door.

"Aight, on the count of three open your eyes. Yall count with me."

....1

......2

........3

Mother and daughter opened their eyes and screamed. Cameron and Zion stood before them smiling. Cameron had to catch their mama from falling and pulled her into a hug. Lainey jumped on Zion holding onto him for dear life. Both women cried happy tears.

"My babies," Hanna called out. "Oh thank you, Jesus! My babies are all here!"

"We home, Ma," Cameron told her pulling away. "We home for good."

Lainey switched with her mama and hugged Cameron tight then went to hug Benny thanking him. The brothers hugged their father and aunt as the the party went back to normal. Melissa and Marcie stood off to the side watching the reunion.

"I see you," Melissa said filling her cup with punch.

"You see me what?"

"I see you looking at her brother. You over there undressing him with your eyes. For shame," she teased.

Marcie laughed nervously. "Oh whatever, I was just watching them hug. It was beautiful."

"You don't gotta lie to me."

"Look here, Ms. He said he breaks backs and I want him to break mine," Marcie spat playfully. "I'm married not blind."

"Mmmhmmm...not too much longer it looks like."

Finally done with his call, Charles rejoined the party and went straight to Lainey. He kissed her cheek letting her know he was back.

"Hey hey whoa. Who is you and why you kissing on my baby sister?" Cam asked quickly pulling his sister towards him and his brothers.

Zion wiped her cheek off and glared at him.

Benny laughed and he folded his arms across his chest. He told everybody he was nice brother, now they were about to find out one by one.

"My apologies, I'm Charles Frederickson. Nice to finally meet you two," Charles said with a genuine smile on his face.

"You the governor, ain't you?" Zion asked.

"Yeah," Charles nodded with a slight laugh, "That's me. And no I don't have more important shit to do. Your sister takes priority as long as it isn't life or death."

"Mmhm," Cameron mumbled. "So why are your lips on my sister?"

Benny jumped in, "He call himself with a thing for her. She been talkin to him a lot."

"Hmm, is that so?" Zion asked.

"Benny's right, I definitely have a thing for your sister. I asked her to make things official bit ahe said I had to go through the three of you first. So," Charles chuckled, "This time is as good as any. I'd love to date your siste, make things official. Can I have your blessing?"

Cameron and Zion stared at him and Benny answered. "Give us some time to think about it. We'll let you know, man."

"Fair enough," He nodded. "I'm gonna go grab some food and let you yall catch up. Lainey, come find me when you're done."

Charles smiled at her before walking off. Lainey started to follow him but Cam pulled her back.

"Bring ya lil hot ass back here. Where he come from?"

Lainey shrigged still smiling. "I met him when I did the Firat Lady and her family's hair. Isn't he sweet?"

"No," all three brothers answered.

"Look at you all giddy and blushing," Zion said, "Uhn uhn, we gotta check him out first. Aint no fool taking advantage our our baby."

Lainey pouted looking at her brother. "Don't run him away like yall did the other boys. That's why nobody wanted to date me, they was scared of yall."

"Anybody that got scared by us being normal big brothers ain't good enough for you," Benny assured her kissing her head.

Lainey folded her arms, "Yall always threatened to shoot them."

"Okay and?" Cam asked shrugging.

After the party was over, Lainey and her siblings stayed behind to clean everything up. Charles, Marcie and Melissa offered to help but were denied. The clean up was almost finshed when the door chimed and opened.

"Who the fuck," Benny's voice trailed off seeing their estranged sister standing there. "What is your ass doing here, Candace?"

"Nice to see you to, B." She laughed. "Ooh Cam, Zion, yall are out. Good to see yall too. It's been years."

Lainey stepped forward, "He asked you a question. Why are you here? You know you're not welcome around us."

Candace sucked her teeth, "No need for the attitude, Alaina. I jist wanted to come see my family and congratulate you."

"Uhuh, you've seen is and said your peace. Leave." Lainey demanded.

Candace looked around the salon and whistled lowly. "This is nice. I wonder what or who you had to do to get this."

"I'm not you, I worked legitimately for this, Candace."

"You're right about one thing. You're not me and could never be me, little girl. You're just a reject."

Benny pulled his little sister behind him knowing she was about to pounce. His older brothers watched the scene unfold, they wanted to see how Benny handled it. They knew he'd grown into an even better man than he was before he went to jail. He'd been handling everything in his own for years now and they were proud.

"Leave and don't bring ya ass back here or anywhere near us. You know I don't repeat myself, now go before I let her beat ya ass lies she did last time."

Candace scrunched her nose up at him and started to back away laughing. "No need to be so hostile, I just wanted to give yall a gift "

"Leave," Benny barked loudly.

Candace noddee and headed towards the door. She stepped out then stepped back in with her son. She pushed him towards them with a scowl on her face.

"Since yall moved out the hood and doing better figured yall would want that. Have him," she shrugged the turned to leave.

Lainey rushed to the the five year old and picked him up. "Lil Q, baby. Where have you been?"

He looked at her stragely for a second. "I dont know."

"Do you remember me?"

Taking a few moments to stare at her, he slowly started to nod and smile formed on his face. "Auntie!"

The brothers watched the moment with mixed feelings. They were glad their nephew was back with them nut they knew Camdace wasn't just giving him to them to be nice. She was planning something and they were going to figure out what.

[patchdotexe]

explorers of arvus: 8.27.18

anyway i forgot what we did. was last session us doing the dead grove? oh yeah i think we like, did a pit stop in welna after SAVING THE WORLD. 

basically taure got in a fight w/ the campaign antag, sieron got reaffirmed as the protagonist, charlie blew shit up, and then chego transmuted soup x100 

hhjgsdkj got derailed before the session even started bc solar has screenshots of summer saying "KJ! HAS! FUCKED!"

they also have a screenshot of summer saying "it's for the greater good! of me. its for the greater me" but sier display name is KJ Fucks and i really hope its still not that when i do the rabbit tomorrow

im actually gonna take a moment to read the last d&d thread hgxdfkhgfdlkgdlfk 

1) oh wow no wonder i couldnt remember, its been a month 2) there's a tweet that says "I SENT THE CALL STRAIGHT TO HELL" AND I WISH I COULD REMEMBER WHAT THE FUCK I DID 

[everyone starts going "hewwo?"] 

michael: so you know how the oracle shit happened a year ago? hex: WHAT (solar: i wasnt there! :D hex: YOU SURE WERENT, IT WAS A YEAR AGO) michael: yeah its been only 15 days ingame 

solar: ill horf snarf my ramen as quickly as possible-- hex: dont die! solar: DONT DIE?! hex: dont die! solar: i wont! hex: guess aile'll die! 

charlie has known most of the party for an in-game month and she is fucking ride or ride. RIDE OR DIE 

[walks back in to call] michael: ...the average human has probably not fucked paraphrased bc im LOSING MY MIND 

i linked this thread to gill bc michael isnt letting her spectate the session again and i could hear her muffledly giggling

hex: sieron has balls [immediately regrets saying it] solar: sieron has big dick energy jorb: [SOUNDS LIKE HE JUST DIED] 

penn: im pawty tweasuwew~! hex: you are! you're fucking kawaii! 

hex: im 3 feet tall and weigh as much as a toaster! michael: did you just say you're TWENTY feet tall?! hex: NO!!!!!!!! 

michael: behold the bizarrity of a hexagonal world! penn: thanks i hate it hex "hexagon aesthetic" hexagonest: [cracking up quietly] 

penn: we're going to tevarin! who's driving? it's me-- SHIT michael: "we're going to tevarin! who's driving?" taure says, from the driver's seat 

charlie: thorne! name your fucking horse! thorne: [sounding afraid and british] i- i dont know how to ride a horse! 

i love hearing gill and michael arguing in the bg 

[charlie dabs for no reason] 

thorne is having a Good Time 

thorne lived in the feywild for like their entire goddamn life so they are having a good-ass time being in a material plane also solar rolled a nat20 perception 

we're riding back to artevon so we passed the ettin from the Ettin Fight so i got to fill solar in on what happened and taure got to roll deception to pretend she's not upset :,) 

i think gill is Constantly sassing michael the entire time and i can only hear bits and pieces but omg 

michael: [explaining] thorne is from the emerald dream. solar: thorne is from bullshit land, where everything is bullshit hex: so, the emerald dream penn: i think EVERYONE is from bullshit land 

charlie rolls athletics to hold her giant fucking dog 

justin is big enough for charlie to RIDE but thats bc charlie is 3 feet tall 

oh my god i forgot tevarin is where taure did the magic weed thing. we're in tevarin rn 

charlie is banned from All Libraries 

thorne: i really dont mind either way. [silence] charlie: swag. 

thorne: who... IS the oracle, exactly? taure: hes a cool dude. charlie: he stuck me and sieron in a horrible teleporting loop. 

time to bother the oracle again! 

[everyone discovers the oracle shop is abandoned] taure: ... [leans down to charlie] can you pick the lock? charlie: "can i pick the lock", she asks. >:D 

GRYPHON!! RETURN OF BABY GRYPHON!!!!!! 

we forgot their name so now theyre Bimble 

gryphons are Monstrosities 

i think we stole bimble 

charlie, very casually to a shopkeep: taure got some weed once. 

penn: is there anywhere i can get a book on gryphons? hex: is there a library here? penn: oh no hex: CHARLIE'S NOT GOING IN THERE 

penn: open up a nice cold.. glass of bepis

taure: i dont get this magic mumbo jumbo. charlie: me neither, and i FART magic! ..thats what wild magic surges are, i just fuckin fart magic

[thorne clips into Mystery Magic Orb] 

michael: thorne closes his eyes, and hears a very quiet... pppbbbbbbt.... as bimble farts. hex: [KEELS OVER IRL LAUGHING] penn: bottle that shit, we can sell it on ebay! I DONT MAKE JOKES. I DONT MAKE JOKES. I DONT MAKE JOKES 

the party spends like 10 minutes bothering an Invisible Orb 

jorb: are you saying that orcs just naturally have a british accent?! 

i dont care what michael says, orcs are british now 

michael: [...] some lovely fowl, some steaming potatoes... hex: screaming!? michael: STEAMING, the potatoes do not scream solar & penn: [SCREAM]

michael: plot twist: you take bimble across and the horses eat kaepora. 

penn: friendly reminder: taure would die for charlie hex: charlie would die for her too. michael: they will. penn: yaaaAAAAaayyy 

[discussing if sieron is swole] michael: the real question is... is sieron thicc. [everyone has a fear response] michael: do he got the booty? [michael is forcibly removed from call] 

[michael and penn arguing over michigan being shaped like a hand] 

"i presto the SHIT out of everything." 

"i presto the SHIT out of taure" 

penn: that or, you could just tell me hex: NO 

taure: did i get it? solar: ...did she get it? michael: did you get it? 

taure got some blood on her face (bimble decided to be Extremely Cat with gift of dead mouse) and Comedy Ensues 

"i think taure IS a serial killer" 

[everyone discussing what to do about an ambush] charlie: [sticks head out of wagon grinning] i enjoy killing people! [rolls a 22 on intimidation] THE ENTIRE ENCOUNTER: [SCARED SHITLESS] [LEAVES] 

reminder: charlie is 3 feet tall, very adorable, and EXTREMELY DANGEROUS 

jorb: we killed their hopes. hex: that's why we're the Hope's Guard! --wait michael: you killed their clean underwear. jorb: UNDERWEAR: SLAIN 

we're all trying to explain Big Dick Energy to gill 

big michael energy

[chilled-welsh-sam]

Stormcloaks or Imperials: Stormcloaks

I feel it wrong that my blog is named after our lord and savior Todd Howard when ive not made a post about his holiest of works: Skyrim

So heres a post detailng why both sides in the Skyrim civil war are good and bad at the same fucking time

Stormcloaks

Now most people prolly assume "oh the stormcloaks are just a bunch of racist nords" when thats somewhat true yes but they are more than that and the best way to explain how is by talking about the main cause of their uprising and the events that led up to the Skyrim civil war

The Great War

Nope not the horrible real life event that wiped out century long empires and reshaped Europe in all ways no the Tamriel one.

The great war was an event following a good few years after the Oblivion Crisis, an event that resulted in the death of the last of the Septim bloodline and the emergence of a new Aldmeri Dominion.

The war was entirely caused by the Aldmeri Dominion wanting more land and the Empire saying no to that bullshit

To quickly round things up the Aldmeri kicked the imperials right in the ass so hard they lost the Imperial capital city untill what was effectively an offensive to make peace terms less ass fucking for the Empire was made and they retook the city before asking for peace talks

The white gold concordat

The white gold concordat was the peace treaty that oficially ended hostilities between the empire and the Aldmeri Dominion

Now i dont know much of the terms but there is one term that is essential to understanding the Stormcloaks cause, Talos worship is to be banned across the empire and Talos is to no longer be considered a god

Why does that matter so much? Well lets get into it

Talos, the man who became a god

Talos or as he was known when he was human, Tiber Septim was the first person to unite the nations of Tamriel under one empire and upon his death in legends (which in Elder scrolls basically means it actually happened) he ascended to god hood and was worshiped by the Nords most devoutly but everyone who lived in the empire knew him as he was a man turned god and the nords loved him most as Skyrim was where it apparently began.

Back to stormcloaks

Now we know what happened before and two reasons the Stormcloaks were pissed at the empire (they fuckin hated the white gold concordat is reason 2) lets go into the man who leads the rebelion, Ulfric Stormcloak

Ulfric Stormcloak, a general betrayed

Ulfric was the typical loyal soldier of the empire and gained the rank of general due to his loyalty to the Empire and during the Great War he was captured and let go after the war.

He found out about the Concordat and was outraged but still he was loyal and helped the Jarl of Markarth retake his Hold from the Reachmen (a group that claims Markarth belongs to them) with the promise of Talos worship being allowed in the hold which the Jarl allowed as promised, until he changed his mind and helped the empire arrest Ulfric and his men.

Ulfric was eventually freed and returned to his hold of Windhelm to find his father had died while Ulfric was in prison with the people of Windhelp crying out for vengence against the Aldmeri and was seated upon the throne of Windhelm and made Jarl

A few years pass with the only event of note for Ulfric being a new High King of Skyrim being elected, the previous High Kings son, Torygg

The shout that ignited the war

Now you can imagine Ulfric, a man who feels betrayed by the empire he dedicated much of his life to would prolly want to prove his homeland has become weak under the empire, most would probably use facts to explain this but not Ulfric no he wanted to fight and chalenged Torygg to a duel which Torygg accepted, you might think "oh so they had a swordfight?"

No thatd be fine but what i neglected to mention about Ulfric is he learned the ways of The Voice or thu'um or a cooler way of putting it deadly fucking dragon speech at an early age.

How is that relevent? Well sources on the duel vary but all except Stormcloaks agree Ulfric used the thu'um to either force Torygg to the ground and finish him off with a sword or he shouted him to pieces.

And after that the civil war started

So how are the stormcloaks good in any way?

Well in the end the Stormcloaks werent juat fighting cuz racist but they were fighting to free skyrim from an empire they felt had betrayed them, one that seemingly couldnt care less about what the Nords wanted and supressed their religion and an empire that made them fight and watch brothers and friends die on the battlefield only to give up and submit to the demands of an empire of Elves that believed that High Elves are the supreme race and all others are their lesser

In the end the Stormcloaks fought because they felt the empire fucked them over

(Yes i know that Ulfric was set free by the Aldmeri dominion intentionally to cause havoc in the post war empire my post still stands)

Im spliting this into two posts so i dont flood dashboards and will post the second half an hour after this.

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job. 

[tumblunni]

Random headcanon: Dr Maddiman's heart is like a health meter. Contrary to what you'd think, the normal part is the illness and the green part is the health.

Cos it sorta symbolizes..like..how 'dr maddiman' he is. I had the thought that maybe zombie type yokai come from people who cant quite let go of their past life and accept becoming a yokai. So their reborn self is sickly and twisted. Maddiman is even more tied to the place he died, so his yokai form even manages to pull off looking halfway like a regular person, and he's able to morph back into not just an illusion of a human form but an exact replica of his human self. Though only while he's in the hospital and only for a short amount of time before he starts turning back. This is usually pretty traumatic for him because if he stays too long transformed he starts to fall into the delusion that he's really human. When he was working for mckraken and tasked with eliminating you in the first game he kept getting distracted going through the motions of normal day to day life at his hospital, when he could have just started the boss fight immediately and saved time. Of course the other conclusion is that he just likes doing supervillainous presentation, or that mckraken didnt have any confidence maddiman would actually win so he ordered him to do it this long way and act as a distraction instead. *shrug*

ANYWAY BACK TO THE MAIN HEADCANON wow i go off on tangeants a lot

So his 'health meter' is linked to how much he's able to let go of his past trauma and accept his new life as a yokai. Basically his emotional pain as a human correlated to illness, and the only cure is Help Sad Dad Be Less Sad. Heal his literal broken heart!

At the beginning his heart just looked like a normal heart, aside from obviously now being out of his chest as a weak point. For the first few years of his death he was practically on the verge of a second death! His mind was so clouded that he was practically like a feral animal, spending every day only walking in circles around his lab- picking up stuff and putting it back down again, tearing every book apart trying to read it, scratching at the glass of Hans's tank, scrawling formulas all over the walls and just generally being really goddamn manic. Just completely fuckin terrified constantly, tormented by hallucinations with noone there to help him. Constantly feeling this deadline hanging over his head for something he couldnt even remember. A deadline that he couldnt remember had already passed and he was already dead. So yeah...at this stage he was just the big scary ghost haunting this wreckage, blindly attacking anyone who strayed into his territory and unknowingly destroying his own hospital in the process. His health was super bad at this point and he had to constantly drain hearts to keep from fading away. Even the other yokai who came to haunt this place were afraid of him, since he'd attack indiscriminately. But at the same time the legend of this haunting would attract those yokai looking for a good hunting ground, and if you learned how to deal with the weird dude in the basement it was a pretty sweet deal. Plus his boss level power was a good defense against your rivals! What would eventually become maddiman's friendship with these yokai began as them running away from him and tricking their enemies into the path of his vampiric rage! (Madds apologised profusely for this once he was back in his right mind)

The company of other yokai slowly started to help maddiman become more lucid. But he still had no clue who he was and the only thing left in his heart was "i need to finish my work" without even knowing what it was! You'd think that not being able to remember why he was sad would help him move on, but the pain bled through even when everything else was lost. He just didnt know WHY he was sad, which made him even more desperate to finish his work! And these other yokai started helping him with it. Even if they also had no clue wtf he was doing, it was a mutually beneficial relationship to basically 'pay rent' to the boss of the area. Madds's requirements were a lot lower than most other boss yokai, i mean he never even wanted to be a boss yokai and didnt know any of the rules about it. Didnt even notice all these people moved into his house until now! This was also around the time that he started using that IV stand, before that he'd just nom on those lil cartoon hearts like the most adorable terrifying hellbeast ever :3 The IV stand works better for gradual distribution of emotion energy throughout his bloodstream, so he only has to steal one heart a day. And then once every few days, once a week, gradually gradually getting better.

A few years before the start of the game, he met McKraken! This actually helped him a lot, the big villain dude was kinda the closest friend he'd had in all these decades. McKraken had heard the legends of some super powerful boss yokai living in this hospital, and wanted to recruit it to his cause. But he was kinda flabbergasted to find this harmless-looking doofus sad dad who invited him in for tea and just generally managed to break through his grumpiness barriers and WHOOPS I GUESS FRIENDSHIP HAPPEN! Madds never actually really knew wtf mckraken's evil plan was, he was just like 'yeah sure i'll help with whatever the something, new best buddy!' Well, maddiman didnt really know much about the yokai world in general since he hadnt left his laboratory since he died. Mckraken started off like 'ehh i'll be friends with this guy if it means i can use him. Wow it sure is great ti have such an easily manipulateable pawn!' But oops alas his heart ended up being the easily manipulateable one, and before he knew it he was (oh no!) HANGING OUT AND STUFF! He'd do random lil chores of niceness for this dude who was too scared to leave his lab, even though lowering himself to the level of wearing a human disguise was the greatest of dishonor. But, yknow, madds likes that shitty human cola and uhh yeah hmm i just need to manipulate him yeah no affection here. And also i can imagine Maddiman obliviously hitting on him by accident, he's just like 'wow ive never seen such a rare yokai before, i need to research you!!' *buries him in compliments* *also takes several vials of blood and dandruff samples* And mckraken is like "fuck am i really falling for this idiot, he only wants me for my body (literally)" "LET ME HAVE A KIDNEY, I ONLY NEED THE ONE"

Anyway this has gone off on a real big tangeant but in summary maddiman makes even more friends and happy memories through the course of the games and someday he will be able to let go of his painful past. And its just my random headcanon that when that happens his heart will finish turning 100% green because itd be cool to have a symbolic signifier ykno?

Also maddiman x mckraken is a good ship but maddiman x ex wife is also a good ship and dammit why is this random potato dad so shippable???

[thelifetimechannel]

The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.  

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

[prairiesongserial]

5.6

The truck bounced and ambled its way down the dust-covered road, tossing its passengers gently from side to side like they were in a ship on a particularly stormy ocean. Cody’s stomach turned over, and he tore his gaze away from the window to look at John and Sailor, who shared the backseat with him.

“Are we sure about this?”

“No,” Sailor growled under her breath. She was hunched over in her seat, gently rubbing her leg where her knee joint met her new prosthetic. “It’s a bad plan. Not enough people, and not enough guns.”

“I thought that was kinda the point,” Nash said cheerfully, from the driver’s seat. “Y’all aren’t supposed to be attracting attention.”

“Nash, respectfully, you aren’t a part of this discussion unless you’re gonna be gettin’ out of the car to go with us,” Cody said, his voice flat.

He knew exactly what Nash’s orders were, unfortunately, and Nash wasn’t coming with him, John, and Sailor. According to what Marc had said that morning at brunch, Nash was coming along strictly as their getaway driver. If they didn’t come back to the rendezvous point within about an hour, Nash was allowed to head back to Texas Waters and leave the three of them high and dry. Cody, for one, had no doubt that he really would. Nash may have been affable enough, but at the end of the day, Marc was the one paying him for his services.

“Fair enough,” Nash said, with an easy shrug. “Your drop point’s comin’ up in a couple minutes, by the way.”

“Great,” Cody said through his teeth. John put a hand on his knee, gently, and he reached down to squeeze it. Having his own gesture returned muddled his thoughts about the whole interaction - he still wasn’t sure what he had been trying to communicate, back at breakfast. At least he could say for certain that John hadn’t minded. Cody refocused himself on the problem at hand, more agitated now than before. “I still don’t see why we have to split up.”

Their instructions were relatively straightforward, all things considered. Marc would be meeting with the heads of a local mob, in a town just across the Mexican border, under the pretense of making an alliance with them. Something about dividing up certain resources they each had access to for a mutual benefit. While the meeting was going on, John, Cody, and Sailor would be pulling off one of the double-crosses Marc was apparently notorious for - considering breakfast, that hadn’t been much of a surprise.

John, Cody, and Sailor were to steal the mob’s supply of water. The only catch was that the supply was kept in a compound located dead in the middle of a nest of muties. The mob didn’t have to spend the manpower guarding their most valuable resource if the muties kept people away for free, after all. All they had to do was guard one tunnel entrance. The mob members transported the water in barrels through a tunnel under the mesa, then raised it up on a lift. The barrels sat out in the open, the hundred-odd feral muties enough of a deterrent for any sane person.

The water heist, as Marc had devised it, was a two-pronged plan. Cody and Sailor would make their way up one side of the mesa, doing their best to go as quickly as possible while also disturbing as few muties as possible. At the same time, John would arrive at the guard station at the base of the mesa, dressed as one of the mob’s security men. While Cody and Sailor reached the compound from the top, John would take care of the guards patrolling the underground tunnel. If all went well, they’d meet as soon as Cody and Sailor took the lift down, then transport the barrels of water out through the tunnel to where Nash would be waiting in the truck.

It was a decent plan, in theory. But there were a lot of ways it could go wrong, and Cody hadn’t stopped thinking up more since they’d left Texas Waters. He was so nervous that he could practically feel the food he’d eaten at brunch rolling around in his stomach, threatening to come back up.

“You really want to fight your way back through a nest of pissed-off muties? I mean, be my guest, but…” Nash trailed off, perhaps remembering that Cody had just told him not to talk anymore. He punctuated it with another shrug.

“He’s right,” John murmured, almost as if it pained him to do so.

Cody frowned. “The last time we split up -”

“Was different,” John said, squeezing his hand back. “Not on purpose.”

“Still!”

“Cody,” John said firmly, then looked surprised when Cody’s attention snapped completely to him. He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing conspicuously in his throat, looking a little like a deer caught in headlights.

“Well?” Cody asked.

“...I’ll handle it,” John said at last, a little gruff, diverting his gaze towards the floor. Cody’s frown deepened.

“I know, but -”

“John has the easy job,” Sailor broke in, looking more than a little exasperated with the route the conversation had gone down. “All he has to do is clear the getaway path for us, and stay there to make sure no other goons show up.”

“I dunno about easy. Once he starts takin’ them down, someone’s gonna notice,” Cody said.

“Not if he’s careful,” Sailor said. “He’ll have enough time to be, with us sneakin’ our way up the whole fuckin’ mesa. I didn’t exactly think he was gonna run in guns blazing, and just start shooting people left and right.”

John snorted.

“Hey, he might have to, if his cover gets blown,” Nash pointed out.

“That’s fine,” John said, and then fell silent again, looking contemplative.

Cody watched him, thinking that, strangely, this was the most he’d heard John speak since before they’d arrived at Texas Waters that morning. He wondered how John was feeling, but he wasn’t about to ask a thing like that in front of Sailor and Nash. They’d have time to talk about it later, hopefully.

“Alright, here we are,” Nash said, pulling the truck off to the shoulder of the road. There wasn’t much there - the mesa loomed over them a couple of yards away, but for the most part, it was just scenic desert. Nothing to suggest a nest of muties nearby. “Hop on out, you two, and don’t forget your guns.”

Cody gave John’s hand a final squeeze before letting go of it, and opening the door to let himself and Sailor out of the truck. He hopped down to the ground, adjusting his poncho, and circling to the back of the truck for the rifles Marc had given to them, just in case. Cody had never fired a fancy rifle like the ones Marc’s guards used before, but he’d fired a shotgun, and he reckoned they worked about the same. He had his pistol holstered to his hip again, too, as a last resort.

“Be safe,” he told John through the window, slinging the rifle’s strap over his shoulder. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

John nodded. Nash revved the truck’s engine once, then peeled away onto the road, with apparently little regard for the dust the tires kicked up onto Cody and Sailor. Cody watched the truck disappear into the distance, until he couldn’t see John’s face looking for him from the window anymore.

“Ready to kill some muties?” he asked, turning to Sailor.

“I’m hoping we won’t have to,” she grumbled. She started to head for the mesa, her eyes scanning the horizon line for something. “There should be a footpath close to here that goes up to the top. It was on Marc’s map.”

“Right,” Cody said, following just a couple steps behind. He’d thought the map of the area that Marc had brought out while explaining the plan had been largely for dramatic purposes, but now he felt a little silly for not taking the time to study it seriously.

“What’s with you and Marc, anyway?” he asked. It couldn’t hurt to make conversation until they actually reached mutie territory, and he was curious, anyway. “I thought you were trying to catch him for the bounty. He acted like you come around for brunch all the time.”

“It’s complicated,” Sailor said, bluntly.

“Is it?”

“No,” she answered, after a moment of contemplation. They’d reached the beginning of the footpath, and she started up it, only pausing for a moment to make sure Cody was following her closely. “Not really. He thinks I’m hunting him because I like him.”

“And he likes you, obviously,” Cody said, filling in the gaps.

“Obviously,” Sailor said. “What was your first clue?”

Cody laughed - and then froze, the sound dying in his throat as he abruptly became aware of something moving in his peripheral vision. Sailor snapped her head up to look, and he did the same, already knowing what he’d find. His stomach twisted. There was a group of muties, at least five of them crouched on a ledge not five yards away. Their eyes were milky white with cataracts, and they were hunched over, with necks and arms that looked too long for their bodies. Some of them were chittering softly, Cody thought, unless it was the sounds of nearby animals. But he doubted that, somehow.

“They can’t see,” he murmured, barely moving his lips. If the muties were blind, maybe sneaking past them would be easier than Marc had thought.

Sailor frowned. She stooped to pick up a rock from the ground, slowly and deliberately. Cody wondered what she was doing for only a moment before she wound up and threw it, sending it sailing over the group of muties’ heads and clattering across the ground on the ledge they were on.

The muties reacted in less than a second. So abruptly it was startling, they sprang into motion, turning to lunge on the spot where the rock had landed. They were making low, guttural noises in their throats that sounded like a human imitation of a dog’s growl. Cody thought it might have been the worst noise he’d ever heard in his life.

“They can sure hear, though,” Sailor said, under her breath.

Cody bit the inside of his cheek, and nodded. Somehow, he got the feeling that this was going to be much worse than the last time he and John had split up.

5.5 || 5.7

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Qi Flows for Her

Chapter Two

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC x Bucky Barnes  |  Word Count: 5561 Warnings: Swearing

Celine stood on the pinnacle of the pretty bridge, staring out at the beauty of Central Park. Evening was falling, her favourite time of day. Long shadows were beginning to coat the buildings beyond the trees and deepened the ones beneath the foliage. The sound of the water under the bridge soothed her anxiety. The two males with her helped as well.

Peter was full of energy, vitality, and fun. Just like his aura, he bubbled with excitement.

It lifted her spirits.

Bucky, too, took her mind off of the drama which was likely unfolding high above in the tower. One would never know to look at him that he was from a different era. He fit quite well into this one. He laughed and joked with Peter about current sports teams and relevant celebrities. Even with the dark aura which hung around him, he had a soothing presence.

When Peter’s phone rang and he sighed, his aura dimming, she knew he was being called home. The little spider was still in high school and had other obligations. He covered his involvement with the Avengers, and as Spider-Man, by saying he was interning with Tony after having won some sort of scholarship. From what she'd seen of his intelligence, it was a good misdirection.

“It is alright, Peter. I am certain I will be here at least a few days.” If this alliance didn’t work out, she would make sure she got to say goodbye before she left. “Will you do me a favour, little spider?”

“Name it, Celine!”

She touched his cheek. “I would rather people not know about my… preferred food source. Can we keep the vampire comments between us?”

His face fell, the thought sobering, but he nodded. “I understand.”

His emotions rippled through his aura. She could feel his disappointment, both in keeping her secret and in how the others had reacted to her. Cupping his chin, she tilted his face up. “Peter, I am fine.” It wasn’t the first time others had reacted poorly to her.

“It's just… not fair. You’re on our side.”

“Hey, pal.” Bucky laid a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. Steve and I’ll look after Celine and help her fit in. This isn’t going to go there. This ain’t ending up another battle at the airport.”

“Promise?” He looked to Bucky.

Celine frowned, not really understanding the spiking emotions of the two males or the subtle nuances.

“Promise, pal.”

Peter heaved a sigh but smiled and nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you in a few days. If I’m not home in thirty Aunt May is gonna freak.” He took off at a run with a wave.

“Will he make it alright?” Celine asked.

“Parker?” Bucky chuckled. “He’s the web-slinger. He’ll make it.”

Celine leaned back against the edge of the bridge, resting her hands beside her hips. “What did I miss in that exchange?”

He sighed, leaning beside her. “When things went bad after the accords, it split the team. Steve and I were on one side. Peter was on Tony’s. After, when things settled down, and we all made peace, Peter got real attached to Steve. Pretty sure the kid didn’t want to watch the two of them go at it over you, so when he asked to come with…” Bucky shrugged.

Celine brought a hand to her mouth. “I told Charles… I’m not the right choice for this,” she whispered, shaking her head sadly.

“Hey now, it ain’t like that.” His fingers lightly touched the back of her hand.

She looked up to find his eyes full of kindness. “I can't let Wanda in. I can’t, Bucky. There are… things about me which I do not wish to have known. But I am not a danger to your team.”

“Dollface, I know all about people fuckin’ with your head. If you don’t want her running around upstairs, you ain’t gonna hear me protest.”

“Says the man most suspicious of my arrival.”

“Hey! I… that ain’t fair,” he grumbled, eyes twinkling. “I didn’t know you then.”

“You don’t know me now,” she said, pressing away from the railing and sauntering deeper into the park.

“I know no woman in her right mind would wear shoes like that to walk through the park.”

Grinning over her shoulder, she kicked up a foot. “These old things? You’d be surprised what I can do in a pair of stilettos.” There was an intense spike in his libido which she chose to ignore. This was her team now. She wasn’t going to feed on her team no matter how hungry they made her.

Both super soldiers had stirred something inside her with their initial meeting. The first brush of fingers had jolted through her, built a fire, and brought forth her innate sexuality. They made her hungry with so little effort. Sexual desire was not something she’d felt in many years.

It made her flirty. Too flirty. Dialling it back, Celine tucked her hands in her pockets.

His hand closed around her elbow. “Celine, I meant what I said to Peter. You do belong here. Steve and I will make sure the others see that too.”

She blinked at the determination she found in the set of his jaw. “Thank you, Bucky. I have… difficulty adjusting to new environments.”

“You okay, doll? You seem…” He shook his head.

She pulled her arm gently from his hold and walked on. “I have been a freak of nature since I was twelve. It should not surprise me when people fear and abhor me, but it still does. Peter’s easy acceptance, yours, and Steve’s… it’s unsettling. The only others who have been so accepting are Charles, Rogue, and Logan.”

“You ain’t no better or worse than the next person, Celine. Just cause you’re different doesn’t make you a freak.”

She laughed, the sound full of disbelief. “You do not yet understand, but you will. When you see… when you see what I am… and can say those words, mean those words, then perhaps I will believe you.”

“Celine,” he said, voice full of shock and aura full of sadness.

Turning her head, she smiled, but it did not reach her eyes. “It is alright, Bucky. I am used to being alone. If the team chooses to let me stay without demanding to look through my head, I will fight alongside you. But I do not expect you to be comfortable with me. I am not like you.” She motioned with her chin toward the tower. “Steve approaches.” Not yet willing to find out how badly she’d been rejected, Celine walked the other way to sit on a bench far enough from the two soldiers to give them privacy to speak.

***

Bucky had not felt this powerless since his time with Hydra.

Celine, this gorgeous, strong woman, one who sustained her own life off the emotions of others, was so clearly fragile and so deeply scarred he wanted nothing more than to drag her into a hug so tight, she would feel safe and protected for the rest of her life.

What had happened in the tower, that shit couldn’t happen again.

“Steve,” he said when the blond stopped at his side. “You rip Tony a new one?”

“Yeah. He’s really got to stop pulling this stuff,” Steve sighed, rubbing a hand over his mouth.

“He come down off his high horse, or he still demanding Wanda vet Celine?”

“Less of a comedown, more of a knocked off. Wanda won’t do it. I guess can’t do it is more the issue. Celine has shields the likes of which Wanda ain’t ever seen before. She’d barely approached Celine’s mind, and Celine noticed.”

“She belongs here, Steve. I promised Parker we’d look after her.”

Steve’s brow arched. “Weren’t you the one saying you didn’t like this idea?”

“Yeah, well, opinions can change. Celine… she needs us.” He didn’t know how he knew, he just did. “She’s… fragile, pal. For all her power, she’s broken inside. She expects us to work with her but not work with her, ya know? Just ghost along on the outskirts of the team.”

Steve glanced her way, noticing how her eyes were closed, her face tilted to the last rays of the sun. She was, truly, incredibly beautiful. Even here in the park, she was drawing eyes. “What she tell you?”

“Just that the only ones who trusted her were Charles, Rogue, and Logan. The fact that you, me, and Peter didn’t bat an eye threw her. She’s apparently used to being alone.”

“What?” Steve couldn’t believe it.

Bucky shrugged. “No matter what happens on this next mission, whatever she reveals herself as, we can’t let it phase us. I got a weird feeling, a gut feeling. She needs us.” His gut feelings back in the day used to be the ones that kept them out of the worst spots of trouble.

“I’m with you, pal.”

“You’d better be, punk.”

They smirked at each other before heading for Celine.

“So, it appears I am not banished from the team after all,” she called out once they were closer.

“Nah, you ain’t getting rid of us that easy.” She opened her eyes once they stood before her, and Bucky had his breath catch. “C’mon. You said you like food. It’s nearly dinner time, and Wanda was cooking tonight.”

She took his outstretched hand. The same jolt from the contact raced up his arm as before when he tugged her to her feet.

“What is the catch, Steve?” she asked once she was upright.

“How do you keep…?” He shook his head, a wry smile spreading across his lips. “Shoot. Am I that easy to read?”

“Like a book, Cap,” she chuckled. “You must be rubbish at poker.”

“Rubbish?” Bucky snickered.

Celine shrugged. “Charles is rather English. Some of his lingo stuck. It means Steve must suck something fierce at cards.”

“Hey, now! I’m not that bad!” the blond super soldier protested.

“Yeah, you are,” Bucky laughed.

“Big jerk.”

“Scrawny punk!”

Celine snickered. “How is this,” she flicked her hand like a game show hostess down Steve’s chest, “scrawny?”

“He was smaller than a flea before he let the Army jack him full of steroids,” Bucky said. “Thought I told you not to do anything stupid?”

“And I told you, you took all the stupid with you. There was no stupid left. Therefore what I did was patriotic.”

She burst out laughing as they crossed the street. “Are you two always like this?”

“Yes,” they said together.

Celine continued to laugh as she turned away from the main doors to the tower.

“That’s the wrong way,” Bucky called out.

She threw a grin over her shoulder. “As I have two such strong men at my disposal, why not get assistance with my luggage?”

Her walk had a distinct tone of sass to it Bucky preferred to the sadness she’d walked in earlier. He glanced at Steve and muttered, “I feel played. Do you feel played?”

“Don’t hate the player!” Celine called as she entered the parking garage.

Squealing tires had Bucky and Steve looking to the left, but Celine was already striding toward her car and never saw him coming until the lights from the speeding vehicle blinded her. She threw up her arms, and her power burst to life around her, but not soon enough to stop the speeding truck from slamming into her side and throwing her through the air.

“Celine!” Bucky and Steve yelled, racing toward her.

“Shit! I’m so sorry!” The driver was out of his vehicle, cellphone in hand.

Ignoring him for the moment, Steve and Bucky knelt to either side of the crumpled form of Celine. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she groaned.

“Doll? You okay? Just lie still. We’ll get some help.” Bucky pressed his hand gingerly down on her shoulder.

“I’m fine,” she said, batting at his hand.

“You just got hit by a truck! You ain’t fine.” Steve glared at the man who was continuing to babble about not seeing her and the coffee he’d spilled in his lap had distracted him.

“Bucky. Steve, I’m fine,” she reiterated, sitting up against Bucky’s pressing hand. “Just help me up.”

They both gaped at her before each took a hand and lifted her gingerly to her feet.

“Broke my favourite pair of shoes,” she muttered.

“That’s it?” Bucky gasped. “A shoe? You got hit by a truck, and it broke your shoe?”

She blinked at him. “Um… yes?”

“Jesus!” He threw up his hands, turned toward the driver and pointed. “Get the fuck out of here, and slow the fuck down!” The man was one he recognized from the tower, though Bucky wasn’t sure which department he was in. “You’re damn lucky she’s enhanced our you likely would have killed her!”

“Yes, sir!” the man scrambled to obey. “I’m really sorry, ma’am!” he shouted as he got in his truck and practically crawled out of the building.

Celine’s knees wobbled, and Steve grabbed her around the waist. “You sure you’re okay? We should let Bruce check you out.”

She patted his shoulders and pulled away. “Totally fine, promise. I’ve been hit with worse, and far harder.” She walked away, stopping only to take her shoes off and place them in a garbage can.

She got three inches shorter, and Bucky could have groaned. There was nothing better in his opinion than a woman with curves who would fit nicely beneath his chin. Celine checked all those boxes. From the look on Steve’s face, he wasn’t the only one who thought so.

She popped the trunk on her nearby car, pulled out two large suitcases and a third smaller one. From inside that one, she tugged a new pair of shoes.

“Do not tell us that one is just shoes.”

She glanced at Steve and smiled a secret smile but didn’t reply as she brushed off her feet and slipped into the new, shorter set of heels. Her pants had torn at the thigh, giving Bucky a flash of delicate flesh, and the back of her jacket was dirty, but she looked relatively unscathed for someone who’d taken a licking by a pick-up truck. “What’s not in your file, Celine?”

Her grip on the strap of the smaller suitcase she’d placed on her shoulder tightened. “Because I channel chi as I do, I am stronger, faster, and can hear better than your average human. I also… live longer.”

“How can you be certain?” Steve asked.

“I have not aged in twenty years.”

“What?” Bucky asked, stunned.

She simply shrugged. “I do not know how it works, or if I will age, or when. But I am very hard to injure.”

The two soldiers exchanged wry smiles. “Shit, doll. You’re more like us than we realized.”

“Except for the whole not needing to eat thing. I’m starving,” Steve chuckled, grabbing up one suitcase.

Bucky took the other. “Me too.”

“I could eat.” She blushed when they both looked at her. “Um, real food. I won’t need to feed for a few days.”

“We should have a mission by then. That work for you?” Steve asked.

Bucky watched something, a flicker of emotion he couldn’t place, spark in her eyes before she hid them behind her lashes.

“Yes, that will be fine.” Celine nodded, shut the trunk of her car, and followed them to the lobby entrance.

***

She stood within the confines of her suite of rooms and blinked in shock. “Here? This is… here?”

“What? Not up to X-men standards?” Bucky teased.

“We’ll have to tell Tony there’s something better somewhere else.” Steve chuckled.

Horrified, Celine shook her head and walked deeper into the sitting room. “No! That isn't what I meant at all! When I still lived at the Manor, we each have a room, but this is…” She ran out of words and just waved a limp hand.

The main space consisted of a seating area with couches, chairs, and an entertainment center. The wall across from her was all windows with a glass topped desk taking in the view of New York. There was a small kitchenette off to one side, a half fridge, sink, and cabinets. Through the open door, she caught a glimpse of a wide white bed, thick and plush and piled with pillows. A woman would feel like a Queen sleeping among the cloudlike softness promised in all that plush.

Gliding toward the windows, she let her case of shoes fall from her shoulder with a small thump. The walls were decorated in soothing colours. Paintings by various impressionist artists, ones she’d always adored hung around the room. She wondered briefly if Charles had made mention of her preference as it was something he would do.

She touched the soft cotton sheer which hung against the window. “It’s more than I expected.” Celine turned and smiled at the two soldiers standing together across the room. They exchanged a glance, one which she couldn’t decipher before two sets of stunning blue eyes returned to assess her.

“You want to change before dinner, Celine? You’re a bit… mussed.” Steve rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, a light blush of colour rising in his cheeks.

It hit her as being one of the most adorable things she’d ever seen. The big, strong soldier turning shy on her. She nodded, and they moved together before she could say any more to take her cases into the bedroom where she watched them toss them on the bed like they weighed nothing. The action caused the flare of desire to hit her a third time. Their strength was highly attractive.

When her hair fell forward over her shoulder, she glanced at it, noticed the way it was beginning to go from straight to wavy, and took a firm grip on her libido.

Working with these two could prove to be difficult.

She focused on her breathing, calming her rising sensuality and dialled back on her appeal until the wave fell out of her hair. When she looked up, she found them watching her. “What?”

“Something wrong?” Bucky asked.

She took the shades which still rode her head out of her hair and tilted her chin up as she set them on the dresser. “Not that I am aware of. If you gentlemen will excuse me.” She motioned toward the door.

They exchanged another one of those looks before they left, shutting her in the room alone. Clearly, they knew each other very well as that silent form of communication was powerful. Their auras fluctuated in concert with one another, showing deep friendship and loyalty. Steve and Bucky were brothers in the truest sense of the word. Related by blood or not, they were bound together at the deepest level. She’d only ever seen such connection in twins.

Celine walked gingerly across the room, proud of herself for holding it together as well as she had been. She wasn’t fine after getting hit by the truck. She had expended an enormous amount of energy to keep herself safe, but she hadn’t been fast enough. She had lied when she’d said she didn’t need to feed for a few days. She needed to feed now and eating with the team would do nothing but prolong her agony. Tonight, she needed to get out. Hunt. Appease the pain in her middle before anyone noticed.

Opening her case, she pulled out a loose, emerald green dress, stripped off her clothes, and walked naked into the bathroom where she lifted her hair and turned to see her back. Bruises ran the length of her spine and more covered her hip where the truck had connected. “Fuck,” she hissed softly, aware of the powerful ears of the super soldiers beyond the door. This was not good.

Celine pulled the sundress over her head. It floated down around her. Its handkerchief hem swirling in points about her calves. Spaghetti straps held it up, the silk clinging to her curves and highlighting her breasts and returned to the bedroom for a short-sleeved sweater. It didn’t seem to matter what she wore, everything screamed sex due to her nature, but the light cardigan adequately covered the bruises on her upper back. Still, she left her hair down, adding another layer of protection to make it through the next few hours.

Before opening the door, she knelt to the floor and pressed her hand to the carpet, allowing her consciousness to flow down. She sought out anyone nearby she could extract a little chi from to get through dinner, but there was no one close enough except for those upon this floor. The building fairly hummed with life, but there were too many floors between her and them.

Gritting her teeth, Celine pushed to her feet, pasted on a smile, and walked out of the bedroom. She would do dinner, show no weakness, then see about getting out of here for a few hours.

***

Dinner had been far harder than she'd expected. Especially as she never did get to eat.

Wanda had pulled her aside the moment the three of them appeared, apologizing profusely for her part in what had happened. The contrition and guilt in the Scarlet Witch’s aura proved her words true.

Celine had accepted graciously, assuring Wanda there were no hard feelings. She was merely doing what had been asked of her.

Bruce had approached afterward, having heard from Steve and Bucky about her run-in with the truck. He'd bombarded her with questions, getting rather intense as his excitement in her uniqueness grew.

She was saved by, of all people, Stark, who took her by the elbow and overrode every protest Bruce made.

Tony had tugged her across the room, seating her at the bar where he'd flirted, being both contrite and condescending, his emotions and aura showing what he really felt for her. He was wary. He didn't trust she wasn't there to cause problems. He wasn't sure this alliance would work or was a good idea. And, though he looked at her and lusted, she was inhuman, the term the Avengers had been using for a mutant.

How right he was.

She was inhuman. So far removed from humanity they had now become her food source.

When he grew even more intense than Bruce had been, his snide, backhanded compliments beginning to sting, Celine lightly placed her hand on his, leaned forward and turned on her appeal. “I find you to be a highly condescending, swine of a man. As an empath, it is impossible to lie to me. Your false compliments and fake apology leave a foul taste in my mouth. You do not like, nor trust me. Fine. I am here at the request of Charles. His wishes mean far more to me than yours. You do not wish to take my word for it, but I mean this team no harm. I am here to work with you, but if you continue to work against me, I will not hesitate to knock you on your ass… Iron Man.”

He’d blinked a few times when the fog of lust she’d built around him evaporated, and the words she’d spoken registered. Then, surprisingly, he’d laughed. What negative emotions had warred in his aura changed, and the suspicion disappeared.

“About time you stood up for yourself.” He’d patted her hand and walked away, leaving her seat at the bar in shock.

It had been a test. How in the hell had he managed to make his aura appear so…? Her eyes drifted to the Scarlet Witch.

Wanda looked very guilty.

Rising from the bar stool, Celine stalked through the exterior doors. She was livid! They couldn’t probe her mind, so they devised another test to see if she was what she claimed to be.

How quaint! How contrite! How.... ingenious.

She couldn't stay mad when it truly had been a brilliant bit of manipulation and sighed when she walked to the railing to look out over the dark city. All the life which flowed below called to her. She could practically taste it.

“Natasha,” Celine murmured, not bothering to look at the woman who sidled up beside her.

The redhead studied her for a long moment. “What are you?”

Celine cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

“An Energy Vampire you said, but what you just did to Tony had nothing to do with chi.”

Observant. Spy.

Celine blinked slowly, continuing to hold the muted green gaze of the woman. “He was being rude. I simply set him straight.”

Her brow arched, disbelief coating her features. “Can you mesmerize people like in the vampire legends?”

Celine closed both hands over the guardrail. “Not in the way you are thinking.” She could alter memories of herself for those she'd fed on, and she could whip them into such a frenzied need, such a pool of lust they would walk off the edge of the building if she commanded it, but she could not take over their mind with a look. Once she let them go, their mind was theirs again.

Natasha stepped closer, the suspicion on her turning her aura into a beacon of red, blue, and yellow pulsing light.

Hunger had Celine’s hands clenching.

“I’m telling you right now, you do anything to endanger this team, I’ll gut you like a fish.”

“You are welcome to try, Widow, but you do not yet know who you are up against,” Celine warned.

“Why don’t you tell me then?” The muted green had turned harsh, challenging.

Celine hated being challenged. She knew exactly who she was, but if the Widow was so curious... “My name is Celine Ena. It was given to me by Charles when I was fifteen. It means fiery moon for darkness is my bedmate and the fire of chi my lifeblood.” Her skin began to glow, shimmer with her power as her hair began to curl. “Energy vampire was the moniker give me by the children I grew up with when their fear of me became great.” Natasha’s eyes widened, and Celine knew hers had begun to glimmer and spark with gold as the amber lightened in her irises. “But my chosen name, my X-men name, is known only to a select few.” Leaning down, she whispered near Natasha’s ear.

The redhead stumbled back away from her, and Celine straightened slowly.

“You hurt anyone on this team…” Natasha trailed off.

“Why would I hurt my own team? I have already told you, I do not feed on teammates. Steve, Bucky, and Peter have been most welcoming and kind.”

“And the rest of us?”

“You have shown me only fear and distrust. I will do my job, be here, work as part of this team, but I cannot change the minds of those who see me only as a monster. Who look at me with hate and disgust as you currently do. I am what I am. I had no choice in the matter. Yet, you would see me caged and collared because of something which was not my doing.” Celine sighed. “It matters not. I am here, and until Charles calls me home, I will stay.” She walked away, heading around the side of the building.

“Where are you going?” Natasha called.

“I require a walk. I do not require food.” And she was done dealing with people who saw her as a threat, or an experiment, or a challenge.

“You can’t leave.”

She jerked to a stop and peered through narrowed eyes over her shoulder. “Excuse me?”

“Didn’t Steve tell you? It was the deal made. You won’t let Wanda vet you, you have to stay where we can keep an eye on you. You’re on house arrest, Celine, until we’re satisfied we can trust you.”

She slowly closed her fists. Here, now, was the catch Steve had, indeed, failed to mention. What the hell was she going to do? “I see.” Celine headed back through the doors to the interior of the building and straight for the elevator.

“Celine?” Steve called out, jogging over with a smile on his face. “Where are you going?”

“As I’m being treated like a teenager, I thought I would go sulk in my room like one,” she snapped.

He had the decency to flinch. “Yeah, sorry about that. I meant to tell you, but… stuff happened.”

She shook her head. “I will not say it is fine. It isn’t. You treat me like an enemy. The fox who has snuck into the hen house. I mean none of you harm, yet you persist in testing me, probing at me, treating me as a thing to be mistrusted. I am a person, no matter how much my mutation has taken from me!” When he tried to take her arm, she jerked away, raked her gaze over the group in general, and walked out, getting on the elevator to return to her room.

Only once the doors closed did she lean against the wall and allow the single, heart-wrenching sob to slip from her lips. “Why, Charles? Why did you have to send... me?”

She was so tired of being hated and feared and loathed.

So very tired.

***

Bucky stormed over to Steve. “What the fuck just happened?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure as hell going to find out.” Steve glared at Natasha as he stomped across the room. “What did you say to her?”

She didn’t even twitch in the face of his rage. “Standard greeting.”

“In other words, you threatened her. God damn it, Natasha!” Steve barked. “We’re trying to improve relations, not start a war!”

Her face closed down. “I’m not the one you need to be concerned with!”

“Celine is part of this team!”

“She shouldn’t be!” Natasha snarled.

Stunned, Steve took an involuntary step back. “Since when did you become so cynical?”

“Since I found out who she really is!” She pushed past Steve to look at the rest of them. “We should be sending her packing with a thanks, no thanks, back to Xavier.”

“Natalia! What the fuck’s wrong with you? Celine is nice. At least give her a chance,” Bucky stated.

She sneered at him. “You don’t get it.”

“Don’t get what?” asked Steve.

“She’s not just a Qi Manipulator or an Energy Vampire. She’s so much more, and you two are letting her live in the lion’s den!”

“Natalia, ob"yasnis'!” Bucky snapped.

“Explain myself? Sure, Barnes. I’ll explain myself. She’s the one they call Styx!”

The only one to react was Clint who sat straight up. “She’s Styx?”

“What is a Sticks?” asked Thor.

A frustrated growl left Nat’s chest. “None of you read the files on the X-men, did you?”

“I read it, but I don’t remember a Sticks,” Bucky grumbled.

“Nor I,” said Wanda.

“Styx, like the river goddess of ancient Greek mythology. The mutant whose moniker is denoted by that name is said to be called this name because all life flows through her. She is, essentially, the gateway to the afterlife.” Vision recited.

“That’s it?” Steve asked.

“Styx has remained a mystery for most of her existence as an X-men. She prefers to work alone, under cover of darkness. It is said only that she can sweep a building within minutes, leaving behind severely weakened or dead agents in her wake. It is said she can look at a man and see his life, his soul, then she chooses. Life… or death.”

“Cool.”

They all turned to look at Scott.

“What?” he shrugged a shoulder. “If she’s so powerful, isn’t it better to have her on our side instead of against it?”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Sam sighed, shaking his head, “but the bug is right. She seems nice enough, maybe a little cool, but we haven’t exactly been welcoming either.”

“She’s lonely.” Wanda looked away when all eyes swung to her. “I could pick up her emotions a little when she was speaking with Tony.”

“Wanda’s right. Celine expected us to turn on her. It’s what everyone does. She said as much when she was with Peter and me in the park. This shit right here,” Bucky motioned to the room, “is fucked up. We’re supposed to a team, but all some of you have done is make her feel like shit. Well done.” Turning on his heel, Bucky walked away.

“Someone’s smitten,” Natasha snorted.

“Nat,” Steve said, waiting for her to look at him. “You’re acting like a bitch.” Her eyes widened as the others gasped. “You got issues? You got insecurities? You got a problem with her being here? Then solve it, because Celine is going to be here for the foreseeable future. Xavier wants this to work, I want this to work, and Stark you were pushing for it too. Stop testing her!” He glared at Tony.

“I’d just feel better if Wanda could…” Tony sighed, flicking a wrist in dismissal. “I’ll fix it.”

“Good.” Steve looked around the room at all the contrite faces. “She’s here. She’s staying. Get it together.” Without another word, he followed Bucky out of the room.  

Next Chapter

[graysunelder]

the exorcist / gray, bishop, rey

Unfortunately we can’t save the first part of the convo bc you have to pay for it. so here’s the second half!

 In the first half gray met up with Bishop at Ira’s and drove to a cabin in the woods to interrogate Bishops step-dad and known New Order lover. 

Rey shows up and kills the party, unleashing spirits and forcing one to posses Mr. stepdad which leads to questioning, testosterone and over all mess. Fortunately in the end, they are able to find out about a mole within their group.

@bishopppp, @reynard-boisseau

Grayson

This was definitely the work of someone from the new order. It meant that chances were that Bishop was way in over his head wherever he was, and that Grayson only had much longer before they came down on him as well. He couldn't let that happen. "Give me names." He grabbed the sides of the mans face, slowly beginning to heat up. "Who are the moles?!"

Bishop: Marcus was, well, somewhere that wasn't his body, so he couldn't really be held accountable for anything that it did, which was twitch a lot. Sorry about that, Grayson. Bishop, on the other hand, was searching through the house when he came across the one person he didn't expect to see, but totally should have. "Fuck," he whispered before shouting up the stairs. "Grayson! Why the fuck is Reynard here? Did you bring him here and not tell me? What the fuck is going on?" And then it kicked in that he was in pain. Bishop approached and knelt down beside him. "Are you okay? What the hell kind of clusterfuck is today, I am so confused."

Reynard: Reynard listened as closely as he could for the sound of Bishop's footsteps. And he would apologize for this profusely but Bishop would thank him for this jump scare later. He really felt weak. Everything was loud. He could barely see but in the darkness he trusted his gut, arm shooting out to grab bishop Bishop. Pulling his to him and having enough sense to cover the man's mouth but it was far too late. "SHHHH. We gotta go -- Let's go." He could feel Bishop but he was still fighting this headache from hell, pulling him to the door of the cabin.

Grayson 

A lot began happening at once. The man was twitching, convulsing he'd guess and clearly not faking it. And then he heard bishop say reynard's name and it clicked--but not exactly in a way that eased any of his worries. Grayson disregarded the man in the chair and rushed as fast as he could out the cabin, catching reynard and bishop just as they walked down the drive way, "I know you're working for them. You won't get away with it."

Bishop: Woah, what? Bishop backed off as he was being dragged and looked at Reynard. "You're working for them?" he asked with a lifted brow, eyes darting back and forth between him and Grayson. "Come on, you cant just go around making accusations like that, Gray, knock it the fuck off. He's-- he cant be. No."

Reynard: "I'm not working for them!" He hissed back, upset because he didn't feel well, and because Bishop pulled away from him, and because Grayson was accusing him of something he refused to let stand, "Using torture, Gray?" He left Bishop now, moving towards Grayson, "How fuckin' dare you, Grayson? After I was kidnapped by them?" His hoard of spirits were growing agitated the more they could sense Reynard's anger their whispers and moans growing louder, rustling the leaves on the trees. "What did you expect to happen? You'd let him go and he /wouldn't/ turn the both of you in? Immediately? And what if he didn't give you the information you wanted Gray?" It was becoming apparent that this Grayson character was the enemy, and as Rey felt the pressure of the advancing group he held up his hand, the other pressing to his temples, "Stop. No."

Grayson 

"Who said anything about him walking away? And if he didn't speak; that's fine. I'll keep looking until someone does." He took a step closer to reynard, "it's /because/ they kidnapped you that it matters more. Don't you see? This won't stop! Or are you waiting for bishop to be taken? You want him to come back messed up in the head like you? You really think they just take you, enhance your powers, then set you out to live your life? Don't be so naive."

Bishop: Bishop was torn. Grayson was saying everything Bishop was afraid of, but the part that really pissed him off was that he was saying it to Reynard who was standing right there and it was clearly hurting his feelings, so shut the fuck up about it, okay? He moved to shove Grayson back when he took a step closer. "Back the fuck off, I swear to god. None of us know shit, none of us will know shit until he starts talking. We need to find a way to get that to happen now."

Reynard: "You'll keep looking. And what you'll just keep him in this cabin? Or what? What would you do to him Gray?" He asked again, and then he was angry, "Of course I don't want Bishop to be taken! --" Jabbing his finger at Grayson because now this was reminding him a little too much about what he came to Aisling to escape, "I'm not fuckin' crazy Grayson!" Again he felt the surge behind him, "Stop!" He was constantly turning from Grayson to Bishop, to the ghosts behind him. It was fucking exhausting, pointing up to the attic, "He's not himself anymore. And if you want answers from him you need me."

Reynard: *any answers

Grayson: "Fine." Grayson crossed his arms across his chest and looked down at Reynard, "then let's go back and you can interrogate him then. Shouldn't be a problem since you have no connection with them. It'll keep you in the loop like you want so bad."

Bishop: Oh boy, this was fun. Bishop lowered his hands and tried to quietly usher everyone upstairs, feeling an awful lot like he couldnt trust anyone anymore.

Reynard: Grayson couldn't answer him. He asked the man twice and he couldn't answer him. Reynard's head was pounding, not looking at Grayson as he passed. Though Bishop's hand on his back was a comfort, he wanted none of this. He wanted to go home. He wanted Bishop to come home with him. He felt like he was in a bad dream. And there poor Marcus was, still tied down, twitching and contorting his body in unnatural ways, struggling against the bond. Reynard turned to Bishop, he looked like he hadn't slept in a couple days just because of the sheer stress of whatever was going on in his head, the constant hug of the dead and this weird feeling of something /else/ trying to control him, "Baby, let's go home. Please."

Bishop: "You know I cant do that," he said as he tried like hell to hold strong here. He had to remind himself over and over again that this was for Reynard as much as it was for him. For Nic, for his friends, his real family. "I need to know whats going on. I need to know what happened to my mom, what's going on with you, what could be going on with everyone. We need to be here. Please, just help us out."

Grayson: Grayson simply held the door open. He felt slightly guilty about making reynard go through this when he clearly didn't have it in him, but he also knew that unless he tested him now, he'd never be able to trust him. "We don't have a lot of time."

Reynard: A long exhale, "When I expel the spirit from him, he'll be done. I don't know if he'll remember enough to tell anyone what happened." You generally needed a few days to recover from being possessed. Give or take, you know, a couple years to get over the emotional and mental scarring. So maybe, in a way, this was better. This way, Marcus could go home, his mind would be all scrambled but he'd be alive. Still, Rey felt horribly guilty. They were doing what The New Order did to him. They kidnapped a man and fucked around with his brain. "...What did you want me to ask?"

Bishop: "Ask... ask him if... no. Ask him who is behind all this, what their next step is, and if he knows what happened to my mom." Bishop nearly bounced back and forth on the balls of his feet with nervous energy. He wanted to go home, and not just the home at Reynard's but home a few months ago when shit was normal.

Grayson: "Convenient for you." He said as he stepped inside, "maybe you shouldn't have possessed him in the first place. But I'm happy to keep him here for as long as it takes, don't worry." He opened the door to the attic, Marcus looking 10/10 possessed. "The spirit must have access to Marcus' mind, so why don't you ask him then. Now that you're super enhanced you can at least do that."

Reynard: Maybe they were about to get somewhere, but Grayson had to run his mouth and it set Reynard off track, turning to face Grayson now, closing the distance between them, "I don't know what happened to you? That you think you can talk to me however the fuck you want. But I'm gettin' real tired of your shit, Grayson." jabbing Grayson in the chest with his pointer finger, "Cut the fuckin' attitude."

Bishop: "Jesus Christ it's like dealing with toddlers," said the guy who had never dealt with a toddler in his life. "Guys, come on, knock it the fuck off."

Grayson: Grayson of course squared up like a dumb frat boy, stepping up to the challenge, "why don't you stop trying to create diversions and do what you need to do. We both know you do not want to pick a fight with me." Because he's OP AF

Reynard: "Why don't you stop giving me lip?" He pushed Grayson back once, "I'm not your fucking puppet," Another push, "And you're going to treat me with some god damn respect." And then a third for good measure.

Bishop: Bishop moved to take hold of Reynard around the middle, pulling him back some. "I'm so fucking serious, knock it the hell off."

Grayson: Grayson felt himself heat up fast, and this time it had nothing to do with the sun. "Don't you dare fucking lay hands on me if you don't want them burned off." He yelled, ready to punch reynard's lights out just as bishop pulled him back, "do your fucking job! You went out of your way to save someone who killed your boyfriend's mother, but you're picking fights with me?!"

Bishop: Wait, was his mom dead? The shock of that alone made Bishop let go and take a step back, staring at the possessed dude in the chair, still pulling a full blown exorcist on them.

Reynard: Oh, Grayson wanted to yell? Reynard could yell too, "I fucking dare you Grayson! It's nice to know that years of friendship mean so fucking little to you --" but it was when he felt Bishop's grip on him loosen, he practically forgot Grayson was there, focusing on his boyfriend, "Bishop?" Turning to Grayson one last time, "This isn't my job. This is something I'm being forced to do. Because of a situation you put us in. And you don't get to talk to me like you have been. I won't fucking have it." He took a breath, "...Bishop, do you want... to change what you want me to ask or..." He wanted to give the man his space, and wrap his arms around him at the same time. Opting to let Bishop come to him if he wanted the contact, "I'm sorry."

Bishop: Bishop just shook his head, his face void of all emotion. He pointed back in the other direction, either at Grayson or at Marcus or at whatever the hell was going on right now. "Just ask. Both of you get your heads out of your asses and get this over with."

Reynard: "Alright." He took a couple steps forward until he was face to face with Marcus -- though Reynard was talking to the spirit who was currently inhabiting Marcus' body, the man made a gurgling sound, "I know. I'm sorry. You're not happy in there. Just hold on. I need you to answer some questions for me, alright." Marcus' eyes had rolled into the back of his head, still thrashing, "Focus." Honestly, Reynard had never done something like this before. It took a whole lot of energy, that he didn't really have right now, and was just a little disconcerting, "I need you to tell me who was behind the kidnappings." The shingles of the roof started to shake, the dim light flickering. Reynard Gritted his teeth as this spirit tried to communicate with him, steadying himself by placing a hand on the chair of course this allowed for Marcus to latch onto his arm, whatever fingernails the man had digging into Reynard's wrist, "OK. OK. The New Order. I need their next step... Something about humans. Picking up where Gabriel left off..." He could feel the man break skin, "Using superiors to fight superiors. A new era of human reign --" A groan, "I can't... That's all I can do..."

Reynard: "I need to let him go --"

Grayson: "Ask him to give me names. At least one. Who's working for you? One superior."

Reynard: Another cry of discomfort -- or was that pain? Yeah. it was pain. Falling to a knee now, "I need a name." He was slowly losing control, "Someone working for them. Please. Then I'll let you go." His free hand balled into a fist, slamming down against the creaking floor boards, "Javier Diaz."

Grayson: "Fine. Let him go." Grayson stepped back, feeling successful and empowered, "i knew that piece of shit was a crook, I fucking knew him and his piece of shit human trash were in this together." He sighed, "you guys can leave"

Bishop: Wow Bishop's whole day went to shit in a matter of, like, an hour. He moved to grab Reynard and lift him to his feet. "Let's go."

Reynard: Reynard spent the next couple of moments and what little energy he had left in him to expel the spirit from Marcus before collapsing entirely. It took a while for Bishop to get him up. Too drained to do anything but follow.

[justintimbershit]

1-99

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?XO - John Mayer Cabaret - Justin Timberlake Lights On - Shawn Mendes Bad Habit - The KooksHow Would You Feel - Ed Sheeran You’re Gonna Llive Forever in Me - John Mayer

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?literally John Mayer so I can ask him why the FUCK he played XO in Chicago and why that was only the 10th time ever and first and only time of TSFE tour he played it

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Mom’s stumped us. We had absolutely no idea who she’d dredge” (I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson)

4: What do you think about most?how terrible life is and then how much i wanna die tbh

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Jena should i get dropped off at your house then we can go get joe & julie?” IOWA TOMORROW FOR ED :DDDD

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?always w shirt but no pants lol

7: What’s your strangest talent?hating life as much as i do idk i have no talent

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)girls r hot n nice boys r hot n mean

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah bc we were in love lol :(

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? idk i usually dont

11: Do you have any strange phobias?feet, being alone but also being in large crowds, idk theyre not very weird

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?no?

13: What’s your religion?idk man none atm prob

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?looking forward to going inside. but working and therefore reading.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind bc i am ugly lol

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?um probably panic at the disco but then also the killers

17: What was the last lie you told?“its fine” bc no it is not fine i wanna fight

18: Do you believe in karma?ya i think so. maybe

19: What does your URL mean?i like Justin Timberlake and also swearing

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?weakness is probably just who i am as a person and strength is idk i dont have any

21: Who is your celebrity crush?lmao. you say this like i have one. i have many. like thousands.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?nope

23: How do you vent your anger?talk to someone usually

24: Do you have a collection of anything?movie/concert/sporting event tickets and also empty gatorade bottles on my floor

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?phone bc im ugly

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?eh. better than what i was but could be better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate is my sisters voice lol love is john mayers voice bc he sounds like a fuckin angel

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i was someone else but not really someone else just like what if i was me with a better life or a differnt life in which things didnt always go so terribly for me ya know

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts maybe but aliens def

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm some paper hanging off my nightstand and left nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?the faint scent of clean laundry and lotion

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?hm.. great question. i feel like ive been to some pretty bad places but i cant recall any???

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?ive never been to either but east coast i think

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?justin timberlake bc hes one of the most attractive men in the entire world

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?bein happy, doin what you want, livin

36: Define Art.something someone creates

37: Do you believe in luck?yes i do

38: What’s the weather like right now?humid i think

39: What time is it?9:41 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nope to both

41: What was the last book you read?i recently finished “The Upside of Unrequited” and now im workin on “More Than This”

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?no i hate it it makes me nauseous

43: Do you have any nicknames?jules

44: What was the last film you saw?o fuck um fist fight maybe?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?the sunburn i got in florida was terrible bc i couldnt walk for a day so im gonnna say that

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?no :(

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?brandon saad being a chicago blackhawk again, tommy la stella, john mayer, reading gay books

48: What’s your sexual orientation?bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?uuuuum possibly ??? idk

50: Do you believe in magic?nah but also maybe

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?in my mind yes but most of the times my actions dont reflect that especially if its been a while

52: What is your astrological sign?sagittarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?both. i allow myself to spend it as long as i still have a decent amount saved

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?lunch at panera lol

55: Love or lust?neither bc they both suck when ur alone

56: In a relationship?no lol

57: How many relationships have you had?zero

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nope i am not talented like that

59: Where were you yesterday?yesterday. i think i stayed home all day then me mary and joe hung out and went to get milkshakes at steak n shake

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?the inside of the bra bra sitting waiting to be put away lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?indeed

62: What’s your favourite animal?sloths my fav

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?i dont have one bc if i did ppl would like me, tf

64: Where is your best friend?at home id assume

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.whats tumblr

66: What is your heritage?im italian but i was born here and so were my parents

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?watching an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia before i showered

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?satan satan

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?yeah lmao who hasnt tho

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?i think so sometimes but other times im the worst person ever idk how i have friends

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?fuck u boss i love dogs and if u hate dogs that much as to not understand the situation i dont wanna work for a dog hater. asshole.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a. maybe probably b. everything ive never done but wanted to c. probably

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.fuck. um. shit. id say love but then u cant trust the person you love so like… but at the same time i love love so much i feel like id die w/o it n ya know i dont trust anyone anyways so im gonna say love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?srsly…..Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC bc i cant be sad listening to that song lolol

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?9077

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication n openness

77: How can I win your heart?just be nice to me lol i have low standards

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?yes i do believe so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?buying tickets to see john mayer lol that changed my life so drastically. my life is now pre john mayer and post john mayer. he literally fucking sang xo i will never get over it that will always be the happiest moment of my life im crying while typing this

80: What size shoes do you wear?8 - 9 ½ depending on the shoe

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?‘probably died because she said she wanted to die so often that death got sick of hearing it and killed her.“

82: What is your favourite word?fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.justin timberlake. god im so fucked lol

84: What is a saying you say a lot?'i hate my life’ 'i want to die’ 'u should fight’

85: What’s the last song you listened to?Fools Gold by One Direction lmao

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?turquoise

87: What is your current desktop picture?justin timberlake leaning on a car lookin all hot n shit

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?myself tbh

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?uuuum idk it depends whos askin ya know. id answer certain questions if asked by one peson but not another

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?probably cry and attempt but ultimately fail to go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?flying or teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?when john mayer played XO at my concert obviously

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?losing all the pictures on my computer bc i keep saying im over it but im really not that was the entire past 4 years of my life in pictures and videos and theyre just gone its bullshit

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?oh man. so many. but if i had to choose one justin timberlake. wow bet no one saw that comin

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?literally fuckin no where im seeing ed sheeran in a matter of hours im not leaving. but if it were a different day lol id say amsterdam or boston

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?not that im aware of

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?when i was a smol child yea h but not recently

98: Ever been on a plane?when i was a child yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?um lol idk probably nothing tbh i dont wanna be held responsible for whatever happens afterwards

[leaughrilke]

What are the superbabies individual talents/hobbies that are not limited to their powers

so!  i have v weirdly specific ideas for this so hang in pals

finn

video games

listen………my boy is sweet and soft but he is brutal when it comes to video games.  he will destroy u and laugh.  he will dance on ur metaphorical grave, like it does not matter if yall are playing mario kart or whatever.  he will.  Destroy u

piano

so when he’s little, kara and lena sort of just sign him up for anything he shows interest in, and he’s on a music kick but hates violin, hates brass and woodwinds, so they sign him up for piano just to see and holy shit he loves it and is so so good, sticks with it his entire life tbh

gardening

what a green thumb like…..its kind of out of nowhere tbh like eliza has this habit of taking the kids out whenever she’s in town and letting them each pick one thing to get and this one time finn drags them all into a nursery and picks out this very fussy plant and eliza is like ??  okay kiddo, but it’s going to be a lot of work and finn’s just all in for it

and somehow??  it stays alive???  and flourishes???  and then finn’s asking for plants for every birthday and asking for seeds and a little planters box and he’s like……..v particular abt his plants.  like he’s got a time table for all of them, knows which should bloom when and what fertilizer works best

cooking

this sort of developed from his gardening actually!!  lena’s a p good cook and she asks if finn wouldnt mind growing a few herbs for her and ofc that sweet child said yes and then he sort of??  naturally got interested in cooking from there??  lena teaches him everything she knows and like that’s their thing u know??

basketball

he plays on a team when he’s younger, but when he gets older he only does pick up games bc he doesnt think its fair otherwise??  but he and kara will shoot hoops sometimes and he joins this underground alien league??  so he plays at the rec center downtown with them a lot

maia

debate

my argumentative child……she verbally eviscerates ppl on the daily, ofc she joins debate and ofc she easily becomes one of the best members like.  other school’s debate teams literally shudder in fear when they see maia danvers on the roster at a competition.  full body shudder.  Full Body

ballet

so kara and lena sign her up for ballet when she’s v little bc her friends are in it and maia wants to hang out with them and she’s rlly good at it??  but she never lets on that she actually likes it and her moms are rlly adamant abt never making the kids stick with anything they dont like so they’re kind of shocked when, after maia’s friends quit, maia doesnt ask them to pull her out.  she finds it rlly calming??  she doesnt have to think too much, just has to know her body and focus on that

volleyball

bruh.  she’s vicious but she is probably the biggest team player, like she always makes sure to pass to her teammates and never gets too nasty with her trash talk, always makes sure to high five the other team after she’s demolished them 

to be clear, she’s on the suppressant all through her childhood and well into college, never plays if she hasn’t taken it so its all fair and even

~science~

she’s actually the only kid that shows an interest in science at all??  like finn has always been good at it, but its just one of those things that he’s good at, he doesnt find any actual joy in it, but maia fuckin loves it oh my god.  she LOVES it, like she does every science fair and the science olympiad and its such a weird thing like no one expects maia danvers to be grinning as she blows some shit up…….or maybe it makes perfect sense

she bonds with both her moms a lot over it and with alex and eliza too!!  like lena takes her to the lab a lot and helps her with whatever her idea of the week is and when she’s a little older, kara teaches her everything she remembers from krypton, watches with pride as her daughter adapts it, does the correct conversions in order to obscure the origins.  alex gets used to having a shadow at the deo, grins and rolls her eyes good naturedly when maia appears and starts asking questions abt the samples alex is studying.  eliza learns to expect biweekly emails from maia

theatre

for a child so dramatic that she would often fly up to the ceiling when she was having a temper tantrum bc lena couldnt reach her, ofc she gets into drama.  she’s a solid actor, not the absolute best, but she’s solid and reliable and has a pretty, strong singing voice that makes her a top pick for musicals

the entire family takes up an entire row every opening night.  lena cries, without fail.  any performance that maia danvers is in is kind of infamous bc ur sure to see at least half of the most influential ppl in national city, sitting in the front row

programming

maia’s actually rlly technically minded!!  like she’s the math/science geek of the family tbh.  when she’s ten, she’s supposed to be training at the deo, but theres a supergirl emergency so kara had to leave for a bit and finn’s wandered off to nap, probably, so maia’s sort of hanging out by winn and watching what he’s doing over his shoulder (which……never fails to freak him out a little) and she startles him by abruptly asking how he did something and he’s like ??  uh.  i can show you, if you want?

those kids have had him wrapped around their fingers since the moment he laid eyes on them tbh, it takes v little convincing for winn to teach maia everything he knows

she actually ends up as a programmer as her day job when she’s an adult!!

stella

soccer

she’s small and fast and super determined and like……gonna b real, her powers do help a bit here, like she’s able to be more in sync with her team and she’s not the best player??  but she does enjoy it and her team improves a lot with her being on it actually

she’s not mvp or anything but that doesnt stop her whole family from coming out to her games.  lena actually blows out her voice cheering for her and kara for sure got t-shirts made that say stella danvers biggest fan and finn and maia make obnoxious glittery signs that say #12 is #1 and DANVERS IS OUR QUEEN

chess

i cried abt this here but chess is honestly one of stellas fave things to do, it rlly is, and when she gets to high school and finds that her school doesnt have a chess club, she starts one, like she’s That Nerd

piano

this is one of those things that she started bc she wanted to be like finn, but ended up actually loving???  she loves it so so much actually, loves the easy feel of the keys beneath her fingers.  she’s not as good as finn, has to work a little harder bc her hands are a little smaller, but its calming and fun and that’s what matters

kickboxing/boxing

jiu jitsu

krav maga

so i grouped these together for a Reason and she picks up kickboxing with kara and alex, but its as she gets older, starts to feel a bit more useless bc maia’s fighting crime on the up and up now, works with kara at the deo and stella’s just…..never going to be given that chance??  like why would she, she’s not bulletproof or anything, so she takes up these different martial arts just to feel more powerful, to feel better and then maybe becomes a vigilante 

[turntechheartthrob-blog]

` Oversharing Asks ;

`{ I’m putting these under a read more for several reasons. One, there’s fifty eight of these questions and two some of them are triggering. TW/CW for suicide, self harm, cheating, and mentions of death. Read at your own risk. }

1.       Who hurt you the most?

sigh look i feel like plenty of peeps already know the answer to this but for those of you in the back who aint quite got the memo yet my bro dude wasnt exactly the epitome of perfection or anythin not like anyone is but eh i aint goin into detail dont feel like it

2.       Who have you hurt the most?

this is really hard for me ta answer cause i aint really sure kinda hopin i aint hurt anyone i cared bout but shit happens i make mistakes i aint perfect gods aint perfect either

3.       Who do you miss the most?

yo now this one is pretty fucked up but  really miss the shit out of my bro even though the thoughta bumpin into him really freaks me the hell out im a complicated guy maybe im just hopin we can clear the air

4.       Who do you want out of your life the most?

people who keep trynna hold me an my pals back from settin this new world up like we been fightin for years we lost some an got some gods deserve breaks too ya know an it aint like i always been one just leave us the hell alone  go fuck with another world this ones ours

5.       Who had the biggest positive impact on you?

rose  shes always there ta listen an she aint ever dished out any judgement my way (not anythin that really hurt me anyway shes harsh but shes speakin the truth yknow)

6.       Who had the biggest negative impact on you?

7.       Who do you wish you could be honest with?

my bro but fuck if i aint real frazzled when it comes ta shit with him maybe in the future i can work my shit out an say what needs ta be said 

8.       Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?

wow would ya look at that hopped my ass back in time again zippity zap aint no response to this question here

9.       Who would the world be better off without?

puppets fuckin puppets man fuck puppets an no not literally fuck outta here with that shit

10.   Who do you wish you’d treated differently?

bro

11.   What was the worst day of your life?

that one birthday reckon it was my eleventh bro an i went up on the roof for a fuckin strife an thats where i got that real bad scar its bout six inches long an it runs down my right shoulder blade shit was so not fuckin cash hurt real bad an i thought i was gonna fuckin bleed ta death

12.   What’s your greatest fear?

losin all my friends an fuckin our chances up in this new world too 

13.   What’s your biggest insecurity?

not bein the hero i really wanna be i reckon like not bein able to save my friends cause i aint strong enough 

14.   What’s your biggest regret?

lemme get back to ya on that one i aint really sure dont wanna dig round an try an find it either might really eat me up if i do hope ya understand 

15.   Describe your ideal world.

aight im kinda livin in it but itd be a shitton more ideal if all my pals were here kinda worried bout most of em aint seen the ones from my timeline an its got me real paranoid did they make it is there somethin im missin did i die an is this a dream yknow shit like that.... 

16.   Describe your personal hell.

17.   What’s a hopeless dream you’re still holding on to?

i unno if its really hopeless since im pretty much already here but all those years ago i was fuckin terrified an convinced wed be fightin until we couldnt fight anymore yknow stuck in a constant loop of battle after battle hopin wed make it to the next mornin or night alive shit was fuckin terrifyin an i was so convinced that i was gonna be stuck livin that life forever along with everyone else an i didnt want that for em i woulda took all the pain for em yknow lived it all alone if it meant they got out an got ta live again 

18.   What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?

iunno honestly i pretty much embarass myself on the daily an yer askin for specifics i aint got a specific moment im particularly embarrassed about

19.   What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?

twelfth birthday when i walked right into the fuckin ultimate smuppet trap was just goin ta the bathroom ta shower an brush my teeth an fuckin bam biggest fuckin trap ever thought my arm was broken for a fuckin week 

20.   What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?

thinkin about all this real depression fuckin shit i gotta answer i dunno dont really like gettin lost in my thoughts cause then i start rememberin an diggin up all kindas extra fuckin depression shit that kills me a lil inside 

21.   What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?

when i was eleven an i got the scar i was so fuckin terrified i was gonna die i mean i fuckin passed out an i had some terrifyin dreams too it was just not a good time an i wouldnt do it over again 

22.   What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?

23.   What’s the most frantic you’ve ever felt?

i dont fuckin know sheesh any questions on this thing that aint gonna make me relive terrible shit  my heads killin me

24.   What’s the bravest you’ve ever felt?

when i was able ta save the world i was scared as shit ima be real with you but damn it felt great an i felt great too

25.   What’s the best case scenario for your future?

gettin ta meet up with all my pals from my timeline findin out they were here all along jus waitin for the right time maybe searchin for the best place ta set their cribs up i dunno 

26.   What’s the worst case scenario for you future?

realizin the game aint over 

27.   What’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?

lemme take ya back to my eleventh birthday for the third time hurt a lot more than dyin ta get my god powers i can tell ya that much

28.   What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt?

when i found my bros body  i dunno how ta describe it cause it was just a real fucked up time an  it hurt it hurt a whole fuckin lot cause i wanted ta make up with him an hash out my feelins an i thought id never get a chance

29.   Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.

nothin is really comin ta mind if i dig round enough somethin might but yeah aint really that important anyway

30.   Describe a time you felt like a traitor.

one particular time john an i was fightin this one massive fuckin imp i had to bolt for half a sec cause my sword fuckin bit the dust came back an john was pretty fuckin beat up felt like shit but we made it out 

31.   Describe a time you felt like a hero.

when we got the new place set up i mean not set up but when we fuckin got here an realized yo this is our world an we did it we got this place together an we can live an exist together all normal like without fightin everyday 

32.   Describe a time you felt inhuman.

when i died an came back with my god tier powers reckon it makes sense died a human an came back a god there ya go

33.   Describe a time you felt like a failure.

durin all the fights an shit with bro did my best but physically knockin me down was never enough for him always had ta mentally knock me down too 

34.   What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

i dunno man i just dont fuckin know anymore probably fillin this shit out dishin out all this real personal shit feels kinda like a therapy sesh though kinda like im lettin all this shit off my chest so maybe it aint that bad

35.   What are you proudest of?

bein able to finish the game an set this place up with my pals it it was a fuckin dream come true i didnt think itd ever be possible figured wed be stuck fightin shit for the rest of forever wed be together but i just wanted ta not be fightin i wanted ta breathe an live an feel normal again 

36.   What’s your relationship with your family like?

@earthcvantas @schrodingersweabooeffect were pretty tight got each others backs family that chills together its legit dirk promised ta have dinner with me soon

37.   What’s your relationship with religion like?

i aint got one wouldnt really make sense in my opinion im a god do gods worship gods too i unno i dont really feel like thinkin bout it

38.   Talk about someone you’ve lost.

jade i reckon i aint seen her in fuckin centuries she was one of my besties i really miss the fuck outta here i hope shes aight 

39.   Talk about someone who abandoned you.

 40.   Talk about a desire you have that scares you.

makin peace or whatever with my bro really scares the shit outta me if ima be honest 

41.   What’s something you wish you were capable of?

teachin all my pals to fly cause honestly its rad as hell but i mean cant exactly teach em ta be gods

42.   What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?

lettin my family down anyone is capable of this i aint an exception god or not

43.   Describe the kind of life you wish you’d been born into.

mom an a dad i reckon spoiled with video games an legit tech maybe my own lil lab where i could collect an properly organize all my dead shit birthday parties an maybe a pool out back few pets a dog an a cat maybe a snake love repitles theyre pretty legit if ya ask me

44.   Describe your worst heartbreak.

nah id rather not lol thanks for askin check back again never erased all that shit like it aint ever happened here fixin this shit for a reason bruh

45.   Describe your worst disappointment.

fifteenth birthday hah  instead of spendin chill time with my peeps we were still out fightin didnt get a cake or nothin got to risk my life though shit wasnt cash

46.   Have you ever taken a fall for someone?

all the time its my style i reckon im down to take a fall if its for someone i care about when i really care for ya reckon you could say im self sacrificing id take a bullet for someone if they meant enough ta me like @earthcvantas or @schrodingersweabooeffect dont fuck with my family

47.   Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?

i aint the kinda dude that lets people take falls for me but dirk would prob forcefully take a fall for me if ima be honest with yall hes a real protective dude 

48.   Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?

few peeps that got in my way durin the game  plenty of imps pretty sure ya get the idea

49.   Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?

no i aint an i dont plan on it 

50.   Have you ever self-harmed?

.... look i dont get why people wanna get this kinda drop on me but i have yeah aint done it recently or even in the past three years didnt have the time or the strength ta really muster up for somethin like that dont plan on doin it again

51.   Have you ever attempted suicide?

look i really aint comfortable answerin this one i aint tried it considered it once aint puttin the deets out there cause it aint yer business 

52.   Have you ever stolen something?

bag of doritos when i was fifteen bro snagged ramen from my stash an so i retaliated  

53.   Have you ever cheated on someone?

aint been in a relationship so nah an even if i had been in one i wouldnt have so yeah aint my style 

54.   Have you ever been cheated on?

aint been in a relationship before so nah 

55.   Have you ever taken revenge on someone?

smuppets fuckin smuppets got sick of em always bein everywhere so hah one day i fuckin snuck one an flung it out the fuckin window sayofuckinara bitch 

56.   Have you ever seriously considered killing someone?

plenty of people  but only cause they were in the way of me an my friends gettin what we wanted

57.   Have you ever betrayed someone who trusted you?

i fuckin hope not but yknow what i aint allknowing  so i aint got a fuckin clue

58.   Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?

aight so buckle the fuck up for this one cause its a wild fuckin ride i unno where the fuck bro was but here i was home alone an misplaced my shades ran into cal an like world jus kinda froze up an it was like i blacked out bro came in all a sudden an handed me my shades an didnt really explain nothin just told me not ta lose em again no fuckin clue what the hell happened there but i never lost my shades again after that