#i couldnt compete w him even if i tried to lol

[aryomengrande]

the viscount vice president who loved me (✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)⁾⁾ ; happy birthday, sanzu ! ♡

[hannieehaee]

just saw ur orange peel hcs and it made me think about how the members would react to the ketchup on counter trend (i find the trend to be incredibly sad tbh)

in particular, i can just see cheol, mingyu, shua and dk be like ????? what kind of people have u been w in the past babe? are u okay?

haven’t thought about the other members and their reactions to it tho

ketchup on counter trend

content: established relationship, cleaning, fluff, crack, etc.

wc: 701

a/n: i'm ngl i have no idea what this trend is lol i dont have tiktok but i tried looking it up and i think maybe i found it?? if i got it wrong pls let me know<3

masterlist

seungcheol -

confused at you and refusing to clean it up until you explain why you'd make a mess on purpose. not mad but just very lost. when you explained it, his innate need to be the best boyfriend would make him wanna clean it up for you and even wipe the whole counter if necessary to prove what a great boyfriend he was.

jeonghan -

he has no concept of current trends so you'd have to explain it to him before he agreed to clean it up. would still say no afterwards just to annoy you and bc it was technically your own mess. would still kiss your pout right off your face afterwards, proving himself to be a sweet yet annoying boyfriend.

joshua -

would ask why you keep on testing him like this when you already know he's the perfect boyfriend!! he'd clean it up with no issue but would jokingly side eye you about it.

jun -

he'd immediately assume it was some sort of challenge since this was kind of a dumb thing to do for no reason. just to prove himself to be the perfect boyfriend, he'd clean it up without letting you know that he knew he was being tested. would maybe jokingly bite you in defiance afterwards due to the silliness of it all (idk i see him as someone who bites lovingly OK its my headcanon)

soonyoung -

he's chronically online so he already knew what you were doing so he'd just giggle and convince you to help him clean it up, since he knew he'd make it an even bigger mess if he did it on his own.

wonwoo -

rolls his eyes (lovingly) at you and stops whatever he's doing to go clean up your mess. he's really clean so it'd take him under a minute and then he'd place the ketchup out of your reach so you couldnt do it again. would even straight up as you if there were any other proofs of love he needed to get through or if you were ready to sit on his lap while he played video games again.

jihoon -

yet another member who'd just be confused at why you'd do that. but he kinda enjoys cleaning anyway, so he'd just clean it up for you. wouldnt ask since he'd just assume it was yet another test of love you found on tiktok. he'd have a hard time not smearing the mess further but would get the job done easily enough.

seokmin -

he wouldnt even think twice before cleaning it up, apparently automatically coded to do any and every little task for you with no question. he'd only realize what happened til after he had cleaned it up, leading him to ask why you spilled ketchup on purpose. when you explained, he'd just jokingly scold you about it.

mingyu -

he'd be confused for a second, turning his head to the side like a confused puppy before cleaning up without further question. would have no issue cleaning it up perfectly on his first try.

minghao -

he knew what the challenge was and would chuckle at how silly it was for you to try and test him on it. would clean it up perfectly just to prove a point that 1. he was the perfect boyfriend and 2. he was competent enough to clean up whenever necessary.

seungkwan -

even if he knew you were just testing him for a lil challenge, he'd lightheartedly scold you for it and go into full mom mode and clean it up as he scolded you for it. he'd kinda have some type of cuteness aggression towards you afterwards, claiming you frustrated him but in a good way.

vernon -

would react to it by asking you why you'd make a mess on purpose? wouldn't get angry about it, just extremely confused. wouldnt wanna clean it up though since you'd caused the mess so he'd settle for a compromise in which he'd help you as long as you explained yourself.

chan -

he'd be confused but the moment you gave him an expectant look and asked him to please clean it up for you, he'd do it without question lol. he'd just want some praise in return.

[muwur]

Since requests were open I was wondering if I could request father headcanons for iwai + ushi + atsumu 🥺 btw your writing is vv tasty n I can’t wait to see you write more !! Keep up the good work n stay safe !!

haikyuu daddee headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for iwaizumi, ushijima, and atsumu

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.4k words

a/n: omg u called my writing taSTY Dx i cri tySM 💞 that is a high compliment for me AHAHAHAH ILY and ty for the request! 

also my lovelies i m back i m sry i was gone so long feojfe i miss yall <3 here u go enjoi, this was fun to write lmk if yall want more characetrs AHAHA

current listen: accidentally in love by sHREK AAHAH jkjk i mean counting crows, they cant take that away from me by ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong, love the way you lie by eminem and rihanna

requests: open!

iwaizumi

✧ prePARED daddy

✧ picked up on this parenting thing p fast, also does a lot of research so he’s ready to face any situation

✧ teaches his kids how to behave n respect others

✧ also makes sure they know not to talk to strangers and teaches them some self defense

✧ be warned these kids are packing a surprise can of whOOP ASS,, dont fuck w them,, plus u wouldnt want buff daddee iwa on ur tail

✧ honestly his kids would be ANGELS ,,, n thats cuz he treats them all so w e l l

✧ mans is ATTENTIVE. he asks his kids about their days, their interests, and encourages discussion about their fEELINGS 🥺

✧ always offers them really valuable and light-hearted advice

✧ and gives them the love and transparency we all wanted but never had--

✧ however his kids are easily (n negatively) influenced esp when uncle oikawa comes to visit--

✧ but mostly bc iwa gets annoyed and slips out a lot of curse words and a “shittykawa” and then his kids started calling oikawa that and now it’s ingrained in them forever fjoefefgfvi (*distant phlattykawa crying noises*)

✧ gives them LOTS of head pats and ruffles as signs of affection

✧ PACKS THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES and ensures they eat a balanced meal

✧ attends all their games/events,, will get a bit rowdy hype them up

✧ def lets his kids sleep with him when they’re having a bad night or woke up scared from a nightmare (and waits for them to fall asleep before going to sleep himself fojref)

✧ when they were babies he usually succeeded to get them to stop crying by pulling funny faces, showing them their favorite cartoons, or humming a lullaby

✧ when they get older,,, u bet iwa would be suPER protective esp when their kids start being iNtErEsTeD in other people

✧ you: “iwaizumi, they seem like a really nice kid, though”

✧ iwa: *sitting with you in the car, across the street from the ice cream parlor your child said they were at, and spying from the window* “you can’t trust everyone, of course they seem ‘nice,’ they just want our approval”

✧ definitely did not interrupt his child’s potential first kiss at their house’s doorstep by slamMINg the door open “sUDDENLY” cuz he “hEard TheIR vOicEs and THougHt TO lET them In”

✧ effectively traumatized both kids

✧ tho he felt bad after n u made him go apologize so he did (and he was forgiven, only if he agreed to never spy on them again--)

✧ doesn’t stop him from scrutinizing every person yalls kid introduces to you tho

✧ overall a super supportive dad, 11/10

ushijima

✧ ok dEF does not know much about parenting ,, at first

✧ stared at his child like ???nani when you both changed their first diaper

✧ also had plenty of staring contests with his babies ,,, called it bonding

✧ was curious and tasted baby food once,,, immediately regretted it

✧ once put a volleyball next to his child, who attempted to bite it, and took it as a sign that they liked it

✧ after sum time n practice, his mind becomes split between “how to volleyball” and “how to dad”

✧ catch him in the kitchen wearing an apron and whipping up his kids’ favorite smiley face pancakes 😤😤

✧ has an amazing ability to get his kids to stop crying, does really simple things like give them their favorite toy or place a gentle hand on their hand or attend to their needs (mans can tell if they want food or needa poop) and they calm down immediately

✧ carried them on his shoulders once and now they never stop asking him for shoulder rides (not that he minds anyway)

✧ if theres two kids he can probs carry one on each shoulder cuz cmon ,,, have u seen this man

✧ always goes to every performance/game/event his child takes part in

✧ man smiles so soft™ when he goes to the 1st grade play and sees his kid’s name in the program next to their role as “townsperson b” (next year, they upgraded to “singing carrot” in a play about the food pyramid)

✧ if his kid ends up enjoying volleyball, he will teach them e v e r y t h i n g they need to know

✧ but is overall super supportive of anything else his child pursues and doesn’t push anything onto them, would rather let them choose what they want to do

✧ had n o idea what to do when his kid asked him about the birds n the bees asfghkl

✧ couldnt sleep one night thinking about it and just randomly asks you while yall laying in bed in the dARk like “so our child asked me how babies are made and I told them they came from watermelon seeds” (you: 👁️👄👁️ “come again”)

✧ you: *at the grocery store with your child*

✧ child: *hands you watermelon* “I want a little brother!”

✧ you: “haha of course honey” 👁️👄👁️ what do i do (*later to ushijima* “duhfojhguf we needa get another baby i promised our child a younger brother fohurof” ; ushi: “wat” ; you: “itS YOUR FAULT”)

✧ yall eventually tell them not every watermelon can produce babies only really special ones that are really hard to get fhuoefkfotfi theyre not ready for the truth

✧ another great daddee, we stan

atsumu

✧ knew parenting was stressful esp with bABieS but was like eh it cant be that bad right

✧ think again

✧ g o o d b y e  s l e e p

✧ develops phat bags under his eyes, responds with a weak “aha im fine just that parenting life and the kids ykNOW” whenever his teammates ask if he’s oKAY

✧ tried to tempt his kids to eat their mush baby food by trying it himself, nearly gagged but was able to say “eughh yuMM”

✧ loves to lift them high up in the air, even throws them up a little and nearly drops them (yall almost died from feAR but babie was having so much fun,,, yall agreed to be just a bit more careful)

✧ rlly bad at getting them to stop crying, gets very stressed when he’s exhausted every option he can think of then calls you over for some help/advice (you: *immediately calms them down* ; ratsumu: “how--”)

✧ calls up osamu a lot to ask him how to make food ,, then simps whenever his twin brother comes over and the kids are in love with this man and his cooking (”dad why cant you make stuff as yummy as this”)

✧ very affectionate with his kids, gives them lots of hugs and kisses on the forehead

✧ plays with them a lot! whether it’s sports, just dance, animal crossing, or UNO, yOU NAME IT WE PLAY IT

✧ also has no mercy when playing competitive video or board games,, has made them cry more than once LOL

✧ so sometimes he toned it down n let them win,, until his kids actually got better and DEMOLISH him every time

✧ is cool with his kids cursing, just as long as they don’t do it in front of their teachers LMAO

✧ plays innocent when he gets a call from school saying his kid was using ‘inappropriate language’ and is like “whaaat? my child? im not even sure where they learned that, maybe check if the other kids in class are saying those things, too--”

✧ reminisces how much nicer his kids were to him when they were younger and all the time they spent together,,, bc now that they reached their tEeNS they want alone time

✧ wants to be B) cool dad so he tries kinda hard, esp in front of their friends but his kid’s just like dad pls dofjrgjigtgro

✧ also very supportive of whatever his kids want to pursue and dedicates time to help them in whatever ways he can (whether that be to help them practice, make sure he can provide transportation, get them supplies, etc)

✧ always playfully competing with you to see who’s the “better” parent (you win by default)

✧ PROTECTIVE dad and will easily intimidate ANYONE who crosses his kids

✧ takes sum adjustment and mental resilience but daddee atsumu perseveres  😤 absolutely loves his kids and would do anything for them  

[unironicduncanstan]

[UNI’S LPS LORE DROP BITCH]

so ,,, i used to collect littlest pet shop (mostly the 1st and 2nd gen ones bc yall i am old) and theyre long gone now but. these are some of the lps i remember playing with and giving distinct personalities growing up. most of them didnt have names at all so im just referring to them with numbers and pictures. also warning it gets pretty Dark bc weird kid culture but here we go;;;

the first is #11 and #86. they were my absolute FAVORITES, a mother and daughter duo, a lot of their stories revolved around the kitten getting lost and the mom having to get to her, or the kitten dying and the mom having a mental breakdown. 11 mostly acted as a single mom but sometimes id cycle out different potential dads, usually the dog lps bc i did Not care abt the actual scientific lack of interspecial breeding possibilities

#25. a basic white picket fence ass dude, really common choice as the ‘dad’ in the above situation, he also was not immune to being ‘killed off’ for angst. was also cheated on a couple times by 11 (THOSE WERE AUS THO,,, DONT CANCEL HER ITS OK TO KEEP STANNING)

#200. she was #11s best friend, I think her name might have been hannah??? anyways if the mom and dad were killed off sometimes she’d “adopt” #86. but usually only after #86 fell into the custody of a terribly neglectful parent for a while and had to be rescued bc again, in my gay neurodivergent little brain peace was never an option

#487. another love interest for #11, usually competed with #25 in an almost edward vs jacob type battle of cool brooding boy and average mcfamily man. he was a big fav

#672. number #487s sister! usually either helped him get #11 like a wingman, or i’d flip the cards and make her manipulative and sabotage 11 bc she didnt think she was good enough for her brother. the personality switches id give characters were rly like. getting the bad ending in a video game,

#44. YET ANOTHER,, LOVE INTEREST FOR THAT ONE CAT,,,, but it was one sided and he always lost. poor friend zone ass simp im sorry man idk why you deserved that 😔 i think sometimes though id pair him with #200/hannah at the end. cant get the girl date her best friend idk i was 8 my morals were not always applicable to the adult situations i created

#14. SO I,,,, i ended up with three of these. and in the end i made them triplets that performed for the circus and were unhappy in their life of exploitation. i think sometimes they would. form a sui pact to escape their torment.

#137. HIS NAME WAS FUCKEN CHEESE

Groovy goat / unnumbered. I remember she was spanish to me but spoke mostly english, this decision was made bc i was an extremely white american child, and she was almost always involved somehow in a story bc she was my favorite design ever. anyways she usually was a model that would give a struggling lps a ‘makeover’ like that one scene in any dramatic disney live action film ever made

#464. another fav bc of her design omg. she was like a little sweetheart and would often play the role of ‘baby’ for any species i didnt already have designated ‘babies’ for. BUT, when i’d play with the other hamsters (we’ll get 2 them in a sec), i made them all the same age and theyd all crush on her at the same time lmao the DRAMA

#34, #35, #36. they were brothers and in order from left to right;;; biggest brother and a leader+positive role model, then the punkish middle brother that didnt like to listen and would often get them all in trouble, then the youngest nerdy brother that was naive and soft and did w/e he was told. they stuck together thru all their antics, except when #464 was involved, then theyd have a classic ‘fighting over a girl then realizing thats ridiculous’ arc. rly loved these guys cuz i always wanted a hamster so id pretend they were real animals sometimes too loL

#693. i got thsi in a mcdonalds happy meal but anyways she was a princess/queen/whatever and was very spoiled royalty. probably tried to behead some of the other lps idk. all she wanted was drama and money

#112. punk boy,,, usually paired with one of the ‘popular’ girls,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, oh my god did i government assign this dog duncan kin b4 td even existed yet

#48, #79 #42. !! HUGE FUCKEN BITCH ALERT !! (popular girls trio lol), i think a couple times i like, aged down #11 and got rid of the kitten for a ~highschool au~ where these girls bullied her but she ofc ended up stealing the middle ones man. and then other times i just paired the middle girl with #112 in a genuine ‘opposites attract’ ship . where were u guys when i was making duncney lps a thing tbh

#59. i love this guy but he was just an eccentric dork and mostly used for comedic effect

#43. love interest for #59 that he goofily fawned over till he eventually got the girl at the end of every story bc i loved cliches

#673. usually a mysterious adventurous girl from out of town that meets the mains in my story and befriends them/helps them out. also a close friend of the groovy goat character

“Paws off diary” Bull Terrier. ok this ones weird but he came in this lil electronic diary right (you can google how it looks to see what i mean) and there was this like, plastic bubble on top that he came in and you could stick him or any other lps in there and shut it securely cuz it was a diary so i. used it as like. a prison almost where id trap lps and the other characters had to ‘save’ them like they were rescuing a princess from a tower or smth. but it was usually just this lil guy. also he was given a name but i was kinda cheating skjdfsdf it was, “Max” bc that was always his name in the commercials for the diary--

#646 and #647, twin orphans separated at birth. did a lot of princess and the pauper esque ‘long lost siblings from different worlds’ reunion stories with these two

#94. so this one came with a head bandage and a little medical looking case to carry them in. i used the carry case as like an ‘ambulance’ or med helicopter to put ‘sick’ pets in and carry them to the hospital, and this pet had chronic illness so they were always the roommate patient at the lps hospital.

#10 and #142, the goldfish couldnt be taken out of the bowl if i remember correctly so. he felt sad and isolated but the seahorse was his best friend who was able to go anywhere so id stick him in the bowl with him a lot to hang out n make him feel better. solidarity

#463. i LOVED her design, so i used her a lot as just a friend to whoever i was playing with. she was also one of the bigger birds so shes the only one i remember really utilizing as a ‘this character can literally fly’ plot device. she also might have been magic i dont remember. ik whenever i did the circus story she was always in it

#37, #38 and #39. i lost the ‘girl’ one early on, like completely lost it and never found it again so idk what happened to it. so the story was the other two were brothers in a constant search for their long lost sister. sometimes id either have another lps be their sister or make a ‘found family’ trope out of somebody

#331. i had two of these and they come with little hats but i lost one of the hats so. evil twin story babey the regular one was a nice old pirate guy but the one with the hat was evil and nobody could ever tell the difference

#641, IM THE TRASH MAN! I START EATIN GARBAGE,

[floorbed]

7 19 23 35 40 52 69 for The Jester and The Crimegirl

thank you so much bee omg i loved the questions u made sm!!! time for Them. this is super super long im sorry njdkkfkrenkjr

7. which party member do they understand the least?

for pen it is probably alba if he had to pick anyone? just because he can do Crazy Shit Sometimes. but pen still feels like he understands him v well!!

for agni its probably elvira! she is from a place she knows next to nothing about besides what elvira’s explained or what she’s learned from school, she is 100+ years old, yeah! while agni doesnt like fully Understand her she still thinks she’s really cool!! it was rlly nice of her to try and comfort her when she initially found out abt Rei Time. and also knitted her a pretty holster that was so nice of her!!

19. what haunts them? what doesn’t?

pen’s is home. so mf much he genuinely loves his party a lot and has gotten really attached but also like he misses home so bad it hurts. he felt like he was an intrinsic part of something that he fit perfectly and was never gonna have to give up, and he got to be w everyone he cared about all day. he’s haunted by mikolai’s wedding lol. he’s also haunted by The Shit That Went Down Pertaining To His Exile, His Subsequent Exile, Making the Pact,  Dying, Making The Pact Pt 2, The Thing He Had To Do After He Made The Pact, And Then Also Dying Again. he’s haunted by holding ori dead in his arms and bringing her back using power he now understands was from a Not That Great Place. he barely knew her then but he still thought about it all the time, and now he thinks abt it even more lol! he just is not used to life being. Like This. at all. he was a vvvvvv spoiled kid. (some nobility complex part of him is haunted by lydia! stupid jester!) 

he’s not haunted by everyone he’s been a bitch to lol, unless he vocally apologized for it later nfjnf. he’s not haunted by vargas. uh

agni is not haunted by most things and That’s On her super healthy coping mechanism! she tries to not think about her personal life with that much weight, she tries to keep it abstract in her head? but also there are some things she can’t help but get Unnamed Bad Feeling from instinctively. rei. w how last session fucking turned out lol, watching seras collapse in the doorway Will Def Become One. Moms Time, both for individual reasons. sometimes, not being accomplished, but that also filters into Moms Time. everything else tho she kind of just vibes through. 

23. how do they feel about nicknames, titles, or labels that have been given to them? how do they feel about their name?

pens Official Title is penance the jester, court jester of tarbyen (and he makes sure no one forgets it lol.) everyone he grew up around had official titles so it made him feel realllyyy good abt himself that he had one too! (he likes that the party’s nicknamed him pen tho, he thinks its sweet >:) ) his Name name is camil, but only his mom n mikolai called him that, so he thinks its very like..... informal, and he likes being a Formal Title Boy, but also it makes him go all soft bc the two ppl he loved most called him that!! conflicting feelings. 

agni’s had her nickname since she was really young i think, one of those like, you’re in fantasy kindergarten and learning how to spell and your first name is rlly long, so u employ a nickname very early Kind Of Moments. her full name is agnodice and she likes it well enough! it feels very kind of like. stiff and formal to her tho. she thinks agni suits her better!

35. which party member do they worry for?

pen worries for All Of Them. he tries to follow juni when he’s having one of his (as pen puts it) “freak out moments” bc he’s scared someday it’s going to be something that really hurts him, and he wants to be there to help if it does. pen has fully accidentally triggered ori before, and he feels really bad about it, especially since her triggers literally Set Her On Fire. so you know. he tries to be really careful with his words around her, especially since the incident a couple sessions ago. also, he is Very Concerned abt all of her past stuff with the mahne that he’s recently learned abt, especially putting together all the past knowledge she’s given him abt the river and what to do in a pact and Where Exactly She Got That Info From. he’s grateful she’s not in any of that anymore, though, whatever the mahne is exactly. alba’s impulsivity worries pen n he wants to make sure alba doesnt accidentally Put Himself In A Situation accidentally w that someday. 

agni worries for theodosia, just because she seems to know a lot about the fucked up illness time thats going on and it seems to rlly effect her and she knows it cld be coming from prior past experience? she also worries for cyrus because of the whole you know. his family’s shop and home being burned to the ground Situation, even though theyve since recovered it couldnt have been good for him. worries for kai, also, because he is Small Baby Boy. but worries as in like. does so in her agni way and it may not come across as such?

40. do they enjoy poetry?

pen loves poetry he heard a lot of epics at home!! the stories were Less fun when it was about like, war and bloodshed and stuff, but he loved them when they were all pretty n flowery or like romantic 🥺

agni likes hearing poetry recited, especially when it has a specific repetitive syllable pattern she can get lost in!

52. from whom do they seek validation?

pen simply be like [wants validation from nobility noises]. its his Complexes. thats why being @ ravenloft rn is so... bad for him lol bc hes getting like all the positive attention from important people hes wanted for his entire life, oops. hes literally living out a dream being asked to dance with someone so important!! he also seeks validation a lot from like powerpful women bc of growing up with his mom and how much he looked up to her and cared about her, which manifests itself a lot w wanting attention from ori and jenny (and previously w lady wachter lol) and also the lady of delights. 

growing up agni sought validation from her mothers n instructors, now (while she still wants momsvalidation) she looks for validation mostly from herself, which is kind of bad bc she never feels fully satiated w her work n accomplishments! 

69. how would they describe their party members?

for pen: ori feels like an older sister to him, hes too scared to express as much, but yeah! she is warm (he means figuratively but also lol) and Kind and Competent and Smart and above all, Safe. he defintely feels like, the safest with her than anyone else he’s encountered in his life, both i mean in the physical protection sense but moreso the emotional sense! yeah. juni is.,, complicated. at first pen was uhhh scared of him bc of the whole Sorcerer Thing, but after all of them talked abt it at jenny’s, that feeling passed and he was more just concerned for him than anything. he is Powerful and Pretty and even though he’s been thru a lot of things pen himself cant even comprehend juni’s still Soft and Understanding and pen really admires that about him! alba is Also Complicated, for different reasons. pen thinks he is Reckless and Impulsive but also Smart in his own little scheme way, and pen really appreciates him as like a constant in his life? like yeah, he is scary and concerning sometimes but he’s always Predictably as such and while pen doesn’t see alba as all that loyal in general pen is kind of blind to that stuff when it comes to ppl in relation to him, so he’s just glad he’s met someone that wants to stick with him.

for agni: cyrus is so nice to her!! he feels like a capital f Friend in her head and so far like. she’s only had one of those before so thats really cool!! he helps her out a lot and she tries to do what she can to be there for him too! it was nice of him to teach her abt Beach Swimming. theo is really cool and agni loves seeing her in her element doing Medicine Stuff she thinks she is really smart w that kind of thing and rlly respects her practice, agni’s also very interested in her magic!! she thinks dendy is small little lizard guy who sings silly songs. greatly appreciates him. she wld follow kai blindly into terrible plans because she wants to make sure this cool teen is alright , is thankful to know he can turn into a bear at will and she didnt do that on accident that one time! amadeus is confusing and hard to keep track of in her head, but at the end of the day she thinks he’s very caring and just looking out for people. adaeze is really fun to hang out with and she is both concerned and greatly impressed w her just straight up downing one of fer’s Fucked Up And Evil Potions no questions asked, bc thats something even Agni’s too scared to do. thinks her sword is very interesting in terms of the arcane, wants to see what happens w all that! elvira is super different from anyone agni’s been around but she thinks she’s an amazing artist and would love to see her home bc she talks about it so vividly!! 

[dear-yandere]

lots of ilya q&a below - part 1

tw ... mentions of noncon and murder.

[ part 2 ] 

question:  so Ilya wouldn’t like a cop out of principle but what it,, Ilya had a darling but a (yandere?) cop investigating his case,, ALSO likes ilyas darling.. (obviously this would only be fun if the cop is rly competent and an actual threat)

answer: ilya believes that because he’s suffered, he should have a “free pass” to inflict suffering onto others, so of course he isn’t fond of having someone on his tail that constantly gets in the way of his fun. still, anything that staves off boredom is a plus in his book.

whether the cop is yandere or not, ilya isn’t fond of sharing his darling with the likes of an officer. simply put, this rival poses a threat to taking darling away (basically being a cockblock). ilya’d be sure to use the cop’s feelings to mock him, such as mentioning how wonderful darling is in bed, what a wonderful shade their skin turns when he chokes them to near-death, or – worst of all –  how popular darling’s pictures / videos have become on the dark web.

in reality, ilya has the upper hand in this situation. he’s avoided the cops for so long, what’s another one? then again, this devil-may-care mentality will surely be his downfall if the cop is competent enough to catch him.

question: Also sorry for spamming u I’m just in a mood rn- If Ilya likes hurting adults but wants to protect kids, how does he feel abt teenagers? Cause i feel like if I was an adult I’d see teenagers as kids so like are teenagers more like kids or more like adults to him? Also I thought it was rly funny that ppl seemed 2 prefer being ilyas partner in crime over being his darling but like if I had to interact w him I’d want him to protect child me lol cause I just want someone to watch out 4 me,,

answer: considering the amount of distasteful and illegal things he comes across involving minors on the dark web, anyone under the age of consent (or that looks too much like a child) is a kid in his eyes. even if he met an adult that looked young enough to be underaged, he’d feel uncomfortable with assaulting / killing them even after learning their age.

and i agree! ilya would’ve actually made a wonderful kindergarten or elementary teacher had his life played out differently. i was a bit shocked people preferred being his partner in crime, but it makes sense since they’d be prolonging their lifespan should they have the misfortune of meeting this man.

question 1: Can I ask how Ilya would react to a darling who cant die? Or dies but comes back to life each time? I’m torn between thinking he’d be frustrated because his ultimate show of love won’t stick or ecstatic that he has someone he can kill over and over again

question 2: I wonder how Ilya would react to a darling he COULDNT kill, maybe because they were immortal or simply always managed to stay just out of his reach. Perhaps they even returned a bit of his feelings but never as much as he wanted, never enough to die for it. - jinxdere

ilya would probably go through the stages of “grief”.

he’d be angry and distraught at first, adamant about maintaining his denial toward the situation. he’s never encountered a darling who couldn’t die; the moment he slit their throat, he expected them to never come back, to never question his love in such a way as to live. 

during the bargaining stage, he’d distance himself for a while, at least until he comes to terms with it and decide what to do.

during the depression stage. rather than be ecstatic that he can kill his darling over and over again, he’d feel an equal amount of anger as he does love. above all else, ilya wants to have fun, to cope with his problems by hurting as many people as possible. to him, killing others is his way of spreading his twisted version of love; he wants to kill as many people as he possibly can because he wants to love everyone. really though, this is an excuse to make as many people suffer as he possibly can. because he was wronged in his life, he wants to drag others down to his level. therefore, he’d rationalize his options and eventually decide to begrudgingly accept his darling’s immortality.

during the acceptance stage, he’d be willfully ignorant. he’d abandon this darling, sending them far away and telling them to never seek him out again; and if they do (especially if they fell in love with him), he will make every death more painful than the last. he wants nothing to do with them simply because they represent something he can’t overcome in life; ilya is fascinated by the marriage between death and love, and this particular darling is challenging his entire world view. he’d rather remain ignorant.

so basically, while he isn’t fond of having more than one darling at a time, he’d shun this immortal darling and no longer think of them as his. this seems counterintuitive, but a big part of ilya’s character is his hypocrisy and ignorance. they define who he is and act as a reminder of his past and innate psychopathic tendencies.

question: if u say Ilya has always had psychopathic tendencies, would he still be where he is rn if he had a good childhood? And I wonder like.. apathetic ppl/characters are often into morbid stuff and don’t care about hurting others but when u strip that down isn’t that just following your desires? Like are people like that obligated to be into violent stuff? Cause if Ilya just really liked collecting fish there’d be no issue.. I kinda think it’s a way to lash out at the world without letting it get 2 u

answer: i hope i understood this question correctly.

i can’t speak for actual psychopaths or serial killers obviously, but ilya is willfully ignorant and hypocritical. it’s his way of ‘lashing out without letting it get to him’ – his way of coping, basically. if he had a good childhood, it’s certainly possible he wouldn’t have treaded this path. however, childhood is only one factor that can push psychopaths over the edge. people who are apathetic or into morbid stuff aren’t obligated to be into violent things, especially as there can be some other mental issue at play; take narcissistic personality disorder for example. i personally know someone who likely has this disorder, but they are not into morbid / violent stuff even though they may lash out violently or disregard hurting others at times. i agree that your evaluation is probably correct in this situation too: lashing out is a way to cope.

now, if ilya’s parents had been more attentive, they would’ve noticed their son’s unsettling tendencies. killing animals is a big indicator of something greater at play and i’m sure they would’ve taken him for a psychological screening. i’m no doctor or psychiatrist (i’m not even in the medical field), but i imagine that with early detection and proper therapy, ilya might’ve been a normal person. would he still be into morbid things and have all the extreme kinks he currently does? yeah probably, but to a much lesser extent.

question: okay so u said Ilya knows he’s fucked up which is why he can’t have a kid BC he wouldn’t want them involved in that life so like.. if he knows he’s fucked up but still enjoys doing what he does, does he justify it to himself? Does he just not think about it? Like I often see evil characters be like “the world hurt me so I’m allowed to hurt others” - is it like that? Cause u said he’s a hypocrite and that’s quite hypocritical imo (if u know how bad it can be why make others suffer too yk?)

answer: part of it is that ilya is naturally sadistic and psychopathic, he doesn’t care if others suffer. even if he hadn’t become a serial rapist and killer, he would’ve had a clear disregard for others. he does justify himself and ignores his obvious hypocrisy. he realizes how much of a hypocrite he is, so it’s not that he’s an idiot or blind; it’s more of that he doesn’t give a damn about how selfish or contradictory he’s being.

you’re right that he thinks that he’s allowed to hurt others because the world hurt him, but it’s a bit beyond that. so for your question ‘why hurt others if you know how bad it can be’ – he gets off on it. even if he wasn’t the one committing crimes, he’d still get off on it. he’s similar to an incel that just stays in his room, complains about how the world is unfair, and watches porn all day, except more attractive, less whiny, actually gets sex bc he’s charming and doesn’t show his misanthropic side, and is into way darker porn than most incels probably are.

question: How would Eu-jin handle Illya taking an interest in his darling? I feel like things would get ugly fast.

answer: luckily, ilya doesn’t exist in the same universe as eu-jin or any of my other ocs! he’s human, so he’d get ripped to shreds pretty fast, especially by the overly-obsessive and protective supernatural (gumiho) eu-jin who hasn’t seen his darling in literal millennia. 

yuu wouldn’t even bother cannibalizing ilya, as he usually does with his prey; he’d find the Ripper far too disgusting to put in his own body, but he would torture ilya as painfully and slowly as possible. ripping off his fingernails one by one, removing his tongue so he can’t scream (much like the way ilya chokes his darlings), etc.

...so yeah, as soon as the hyper-aware eu-jin realizes that ilya is looking at the former’s darling with interest, it’d get ugly real fast.

question: What if when Ilya tried to kill one of his darlings but they manage to fight back and escape? I just see that throwing him for a real curve ball so I was curious to how he'd react.

answer: he’d be furious at first. to him, running away is the ultimate act of denying his love -- but, he’s a man that appreciates some fun every now and then. while he isn’t fond of darlings that fight back (especially when he’s about to kill them), having a darling who spices his life up every now and then is exhilarating. he’ll decide to play along with this darling’s little game of cat and mouse, and to be honest, he finds the increased risk of getting caught by authorities (should the darling get that far) fun. as i’ve mentioned before, ilya knows how much of a hypocrite he is and has long come to terms with his inevitable karma and death, he just doesn’t care enough to change his habits.