#i couldn't see any light past 20 feet or so | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

spicerackofblorbos · 10 months ago

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Chapter 6: April

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence, light assault (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ *kicking my feet excitedly* hey guys, turns out I was just being dramatic. I'm actually really happy with how this turned out. Could it be better? Sure, but that doesn't change that I'm happy with what it is right now. This is super long, but I promise it's worth it. It's filled with tropes and fluff and surprises and I hope you guys enjoy it! Also just a quick 'I'm sorry' for making you wait so long! I was struggling with some bad writers block and then I got covid so things just couldn't pick up the way I wanted them to. But it's here now!!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k (huehue)

The Sakura Festival held downtown was unlike anything you’ve ever been to before. Since Hange and you had moved here sometime over the summer, you had missed all of what Jinae’s spring had to offer. Suffice it to say, though you didn’t know it yet, it was well worth waking up for at 8 in the morning. Your sister, however, thought otherwise as you both sped down the streets towards Levi and Erwin’s apartment while she curled up in her seat.

“I just don’t understand why we have to go right when it opens. It’s going to be…” Hange pauses to yawn heavily. “…an all-day thing.” They finish with a big stretch in the passenger seat. You shoot her a quick displeased glance and they throw their hands up in the air.

Your thoughts were clouded with more Levi than usual. He'd been much more open to you the past couple weeks than in the last 5 months combined. The progress was rocky, sure. But progress was still progress. Fortunately, Hange still hadn’t asked for any details of what happened that night, but she knew something was up. You fiddle mindlessly with your necklace at these thoughts, the one you haven’t taken off since it was put on by Levi.

“Thinking about Shorty?” Hange cuts in with a teasing voice. You blindly swat at them without looking over, frowning. “Hey! It’s not my fault you’re smiling like an idiot right now!” They laugh and you swat at them again, but you can't help but break out into a matching grin.

Soon after, you park in the street across from the boys’ apartment and shoot Levi a text that you were there. You and Hange had suggested that they carpool with you since Erwin’s wrist was still on the mend and Levi had an aversion to driving himself. The reason why you were stuck behind the wheel, though, and not Hange, was because she was ‘too tired to drive’. You decided quickly that you would rather drive than get into a wreck because your sister fell asleep in the middle of the road.

In the corner of your eye, you see Levi bounding down the steps with his blonde best friend right behind him. You shift in your seat nervously, fingers tapping on the wheel. When they get closer, you're incapable of keeping your eyes off the two handsome men. Even for how warm it was today, you’re not surprised to see Levi wearing his leather jacket over a hoodie with the hood pulled over his head. Erwin is dressed in a relaxed fit blue button down and a pair of sunglasses that cover his matching eyes, a denim jacket flung over his shoulder by one finger. They could have been supermodels if they wanted to, you chuckle to yourself.

Levi’s deadpan expression doesn’t faze you - though were you able to read his mind, you would know his heart was beating faster than a racehorse the moment he woke up today. Erwin teasingly ruffles Hange’s frazzled hair and pats the top of your head gently. You wouldn’t say it to his face, but he radiated such ‘dad vibes. Not that it bothered you any.

“Well look at you both!” Erwin boisterously exclaims as he beams to the two of you. You smile right back at him in satisfaction. You spent so many hours in the last week trying to find the right thing to wear today. A pair of off-white overalls cinches at your waist and stops at your thighs, the hem hugging at your skin effortlessly. Your favorite band t-shirt can be seen peeking over the straps. With your hair pulled up in a loose ponytail that created tendrils that fell in your face, the look was completed by your new favorite accessory. Which of course was perfect for the occasion.

Levi’s gift glimmers in the sun as you shift in your seat. The gift giver himself had his eyes on you the moment he stepped into the vehicle and only looked away once you met his gaze. A soft blush creeps up your face while you turn to face the wheel.

The drive to the festival grounds was a relatively short one, thankfully. With the help of Erwin’s clear directions, you were able to get there without issue. But then you had to turn down Hange’s obnoxious loud metal music so you could focus on finding a place to park. Even showing up early, parking was a nightmare, and you could only find a spot about a 10-minute walk from the closest entrance.

Jinae has a fairly wide river that cuts through the heart of the town. The festival itself sat on the surrounding outer banks of it, both sides occupied by vendors and joined by a bridge that crossed over the crystal water. It was there on the banks of the river that most of the cherry blossom trees rested, swaying in the spring breeze that caused a flurry of petals to fly around. When you all make it to the archway, you can’t help but clap your hands and jump in excitement. The atmosphere was so lively already, and you could not wait to dive headfirst into what the festival had to offer.

“Well, what’s first on the docket?” Erwin inquires as he steps forward to stare out into the bustling square ahead. You’re already signing excitedly about today’s activities and Hange has to grab your hands to make you stop and start over. You give them an apologetic grin then take a deep breath before signing everything again, slowly this time.

‘There’s a parade of floats made out of flowers that starts in about fifteen minutes. Then there’s a duck race sometime in the afternoon. Not to mention the carnival rides, live music, and finally fireworks to finish the night!’ You had spent such an ungodly amount of time staring at the festival’s schedule that it was practically burned into the back of your skull. And like Hange mentioned earlier, you were dedicated to seeing it all.

“That sounds like a lovely plan, Love. Let’s get going so we can get a good spot then.” Hange says as they bump into your shoulder affectionately when they walk past, starting up a conversation with Erwin as he falls in step with theirs.

You feel something tickle your scalp and as you reach up to see what it is, your hand feels another about to pull away. When you look over, you see Levi’s nimble fingers carefully plucking a blossom petal out of your hair. He mouths a wordless apology. Even with his uninterested face, his eyes couldn't hide his amusement. Amusement for what, though, you didn't know. Not even thinking twice do you grab his hand and start tugging him along into the depths of the crowd.

There were all sorts of tropical flora that formed the shape of a conch shell in the center, and it sat on a bed of beautiful blues and whites that formed into waves around it. You’ve never had the opportunity to go to the coast but seeing the float made you long for the sea in ways you’ve never had before. You hoped one day you’d get to go.

Once everyone who wanted to enter did so, city officials then released all of the purchased ducks down the river to be collected at a certain point. Levi didn’t know of the specifics, but he said that eventually someone would fish them out at the designated finish line and people corresponding to the first 10 ducks that crossed would win a prize. It was the silliest thing you’ve ever heard of so naturally you brought money to participate.

Even if you didn’t win, you were happy to know it was going to something so worthy. To be perfectly honest though, the biggest reason you were so excited about it is because of the way Levi had talked about the race during your last hang out.

With it coming up so soon, you had wanted to pick Levi's brain on what you should check out first. Levi said that it had been years since he last went, so he wasn't the best person to ask. But when you asked about the duck races, his usual stone-cold exterior softened. Levi didn't elaborate, but you could tell by the way his voice lightened that he was quite fond of the fundraiser. So, if Levi liked it, then so did you.

To your delight, Erwin and Hange pay for one duck each. You purchase three like you had planned. And Levi purchases five. As he reaches into his wallet to pay, you can't help but watch in adoration at how carefree he seemed, like he was genuinely enjoying his time. His jaw and shoulders are slack and a small smile twitches at the corners of his scarred lips as he speaks to the booking clerk. Something pokes you in the side; it's your sister. Hange snickers at you with a gleam in their eyes. You stick your tongue out at them and they just poke you again, eliciting a small gasp from you.

"Everything okay?" You jump at Levi's sudden voice to the right of you. An eyebrow raises in concern, his eyes almost tinted blue from the clear sky above. You nod and roll your eyes in the direction of your sister, as if to say, 'Hange just being Hange.' He hums and looks down at his phone, lips pursing at whatever he was looking at.

"Furlan just texted me to let me know he’ll be here soon. " Levi slides his phone into his back pocket as he speaks.

"Furlan's coming?" Hange asks as they snake an arm around your shoulders.

"Yeah, he kind of invited himself." Levi mutters.

"Hey, the more the merrier." Erwin chuckles behind Hange. You smile in agreement, but the subtle disappointment in Levi's tone doesn’t escape your ears.

"There's no use in sitting around waiting. The races start in about an hour so why don't we use this time to wander?" Your sister raises a hand in the air as they start off in a random direction, their other arm linked with Erwin and currently pulling him along. Shaking your head in amusement, you and Levi follow close behind.

The Sakura Festival reminded you of the renaissance fair in the way that there were various booths and vendors that surrounded you, all selling anything and everything you’d expect. The only difference being the multitude of carnival rides and attractions that peppered around the grounds. That, and the very obvious size of the event itself. It wasn’t very crowded for now, but you suspect that will change later in the day. Hange calls out to you and Levi from ahead, arms waving above their head to get your attention.

"Guys! Look at this!" She's jumping up and down while pointing at a small but tall boxy contraption with a black curtain pulled to the side. Upon closer inspection, you notice there's a little space inside with a small bench and a computer screen sitting opposite it. It's a photo booth. You eye your sister quizzically.

"Well? Wanna try?" You shrug which Hange takes as an okay, a wild smile lighting up their face.

"Yes! Alright!! Levi, in you go!"

"Wha- like hell!"

"C'mon! It'll be fun!" Hange grabs Levi's arm and pushes him inside the booth so forcefully that he slams onto the bench with a hiss. "Erwin, you'll have to pop your head in from the side, you're just too tall." And then her fingers are grasping your arm as she pulls both of you in before you can do anything to stop her. The booth is even smaller on the inside and with the way you both toppled in, you find yourself plopping on her lap like a child. Cozy is not the first word that comes to mind.

"Ah, I can't reach the screen. Here, Levi, hold this." You suddenly feel your body being pushed to the side by Hange and a gasp escapes your lips as you find yourself in a new seat - Levi's lap. Levi grunts as you land. In a panic, you attempt to stand up but then his hands are on your hips and you’re being pulled down to his thigh closest to the wall, so that you are facing the camera at an angle. You can't bring yourself to look at him, and any knowledge on how to breathe vanishes. The sound of angry waves fills your ears as heat rushes to your cheeks. Oh my god. Is this really happening?

"'Everything okay?" Erwin's voice comes muffled. He pops his head through the curtain, and his bright blue eyes land on your wide ones. If he was thinking anything, he gave nothing away.

"Yup almost... got it!" Hange yells in triumph as they press down on something. "Get ready!"

There's a beeping coming from the corner of the booth that must be the countdown, but you can hardly focus on it. All you can think about is the way you fit on Levi's lap. Beep. How flush your body was against his chest that you could feel his racing heart, no doubt beating at the same speed as yours, against your back. Beep. His shallow breaths tickling the back of your neck as you clenched your hands into tight fists that rest on your thighs. Beep. Levi shifts under you, his leg jostling you for a moment. Beep. Your brain is foggy, clouded by Levi. Levi, Levi, all Levi.

Your name is being called - distant sounding at first then loud and right next to you. You startle at the sudden noise and whip your head to the source. Erwin and Hange are staring at you from outside of the booth, sunlight filtering through the spaces around their bodies as they stand in the little doorway. They both have matching amused smirks lighting up their faces. Levi clears his throat from behind. As if zapped, you shoot up quickly from Levi's lap and scramble out the hole, palms sweaty in your tight fists. The cool, spring breeze softly hitting your flushed and hot face is very welcoming.

"You okay?" Erwin steps up next to you, his voice laced with concern.

'Yeah, just really hot and stuffy in there.' You sign back, taking a deep breath. It wasn't a lie. But the way Erwin eyed you makes you feel like he knows something you don't.

"Oh my gosh look at US!!" Hange squeals from behind you. When you turn to face them, they're smiling down at a couple strips of paper which you guess are the photocopies. They bound over to you and shoves one of the copies in your direction then gives the other to Erwin. "Here, one for each household."

The sun glares off the film and you have to bring it close to your face so you can see the panels better. There are four photos total, all in color and bright from the flashes. Hange and Erwin are making different faces in each one, there's even one of them laughing mid-snap. But then you glance over to the other corner where you and Levi sit, and you want to throw yourself in the river in embarrassment.

The first two photos are the same. You're looking straight into the camera like a deer in the headlights, luckily with a small smile tugging at your lips but shock is very evident on your face. Levi is staring off to the side with a vacant expression, heavy lidded and slack. Both of you are red in the face though. The third one is blurry with movement. In the last one, you and Levi are looking at each other, his steely gray eyes flashing silver in the blinding light. A moment of you two staring at each other, something you don't remember doing, frozen in time. You flick your eyes up and over the little strip of paper in between your fingers to look at Levi. He's facing away with his hands in his pockets, his cheeks the same shade of red in the photo. Even if they were embarrassing, you find yourself pressing the photos close to your chest anyways.

"Alright, where to next!? We have plenty of time to kill." Hange exclaims.

So, the four of you did indeed kill time. It was mostly spent gawking at the vendors and making plans of what rides you all wanted to visit after the race. At one point Erwin and Hange got separated from you and Levi, leaving the two of you to seek refuge from the crowd under the shade of trees. Not a lot of conversation happened, you suspect because of the awkward moment at the photo booth. The revisiting thought makes you blush. You were on your toes trying to scan the ever-moving crowd for any signs of your sister when you heard an unsettling voice coming from the direction of where Levi stood currently.

"Hi little fella, got some tasty candy for you. Wanna try it?" Leaning down behind Levi with a comically large lollipop is a man decked out in the most garish of clown costumes. "It's reeaal good." Levi doesn't move.

Taken aback by his sudden assertiveness, your heart does cartwheels. You're about to ask where he’s taking you until you see that he's pulling you in the direction of Hange and Erwin who are currently heading your way. His hand releases yours before reaching them, far too quickly for your liking.

"There you two are! We were looking everywhere. Were you both making out behind a tree?" Hange jokes. Hange has an ice cream cone in their hand and Erwin’s wrapped wrist has a heart shaped balloon tied to it.

‘Where the hell have you two been?’ Actively ignoring the crass joke thrown at you. You sign this at the same time as you hear a familiar playful voice chirp up from behind the pair in front of you.

“What’s this about making out?” Hange steps aside to reveal Furlan who had his hand in a bag of kettle popcorn. He pulls his hand out to wave at you with a big grin and you reciprocate with your own. “Did Levi finally find himself a suitor?”

“Shut up.” Levi flips Furlan off with a grumble.

“Sorry I’m so late. I slept in and then finding a parking spot was a nightmare! Where are we headed??” Furlan looks around your little group expectantly.

“We should probably start heading back to the race area because I think it’s about to start.” Erwin checks the gold watch strapped to his good wrist. It glints off the afternoon sun and you have to glance away so that it doesn’t blind you.

“Aw man, did I already miss the registration?” Furlan hangs his head low in disappointment.

“Well if you actually used the alarm function on your phone, you would have made it on time.” Levi retorts back dryly.

Reaching into the little purse dangling off your hip, you pull out your three ticket stubs with a random number on each of them and step up closer to Furlan. When you wave your hand to get his attention, he glances at you and then at your pinched fingers.

“Oh. No! Please, it’s okay. I can always try for next year.” He insists, holding his hands up in front of his chest defensively. You give him a soft smile as you pick one out and push it towards him anyways. “Are you sure?”

Rolling your eyes, you reach over to push the ticket into his open palm and using your other hand, you clamp his fingers around it so that it sits in his hand safely. “Well… okay. If you’re adamant. Thanks!” Furlan chuckles and tightens his hand around the ticket. He gives you a wink before shoving it into his jean pocket.

“That was very sweet of you.” Erwin whispers down to you as you all make your way to the finish line.

‘I didn’t want him to be left out.’ You sign back with a frown, and Erwin nods in understanding, a warm smile crinkling his eyes.

By the time you all make it to the starting line of the race, the ducks have already been released via crane. Hundreds of little ducks were floating down the river and it was quite a sight. You clap in excitement and run towards the edge of the river to get a closer look. They were all bunched together, and you worried how they would fish out the little ducks accurately.

“I don’t know how they do it, but they manage to pluck out the first 10 so easily. It’s like magic.” Furlan says in reassurance. He must have noticed the concern on your face. He laughs and leans against the little stone wall that surrounds the river on both sides. “I’m sure it’s just because they’ve had so many years to perfect it though.”

The rest of your crew lines up against the wall, watching the ducks go down the river. You have to squint because of how the sun reflects off the water, but otherwise it’s a quiet and nice moment to have with everyone. The breeze from the river blows past and you inhale the subtle but sweet smell of the cherry blossoms. Levi stands next to you stoically, his arms crossed the way he does as he stares off. His weight shifted to his left leg. He’s done well to hide it from everyone else, but you could tell easily that he was limping from all the pressure he was putting on his knee.

‘You okay?’ You sign to him, giving him a soft smile.

“I’m fine.” He shrugs his shoulders. Something was bothering him, and it didn’t feel like it was just his knee pain. His eyes glance up to yours, and his hard features loosen. “Really, I’m okay.” You’re not convinced, but you nod in acknowledgement anyways.

“They got winners!” Furlan yells out beside you, pointing down the river. There’s a crew holding up a green flag to signal the end of the race.

“Ooh let’s go see who won, yeah?” Hange’s eyes gleam with excitement and starts making their way to the finish line with the rest of the group in tow. You keep your steps slow so you can keep up with Levi while everyone else trails ahead quite a bit. He gives you a side-eye as you pretend not to notice, fingers fidgeting with the necklace around your neck.

“Tch, I know what you’re doing.” He mumbles. He hesitates, then whispers a soft thank you.

After a moment, the announcer made a statement of where the winners needed to go to gather their prizes and then started listing off the numbers one by one. Unfortunately, no one in your group had a winning duck yet, though Levi never looked disappointed. In fact, he actually looked quite pleased that he hadn’t won anything.

“Aaand first place goes to… number 23!!”

“NO freaking way, that’s me!” Furlan shouts. He leans down and gives your cheek a chaste kiss before running off to the designated spot to collect his prize. You stand stock-still, pulling your hand up to where his lips just were, not really sure how to react to it. Something grumbles behind you. When you turn, you see a listless Levi, eyes off to the side but furrowed. Your heart pangs with guilt, for why exactly though you're not sure. You bite the inside of your cheek in thought. Furlan calls your name.

“You’ll never believe what’s in here!” He runs up to your group, out of breath and waving an envelope in the air. He takes a moment to bend and lean against his knees so he can gather himself.

“Well spit it out, what did you win!?” Hange asks eagerly.

“They’re airfare ticket vouchers! $500 each.” Furlan stands up straight with a huge smile.

“Each? How many did you get?” Erwin raises an eyebrow, curious now.

“Two. Which means,” He grabs one of the slips of paper and holds it out to you. “You get half.” You feel your eyes bug at his statement. Raising your hands defensively, you shake your head no. You eye Hange as you start signing, and they understand right away.

‘I can’t do that, you won them.’

“Yeah, but with the ticket you bought. You deserve some of the prize too.” He grabs your hand and clenches your fingers over the piece of paper, like you had done with him earlier. “Take it, please. At least share this victory with me.”

You eye him skeptically, unsure of what to say. The way he looks at you, with his wide eyes and cocky smile. You can’t say no. And, well, you did buy that ticket. After a beat, you nod and pull the paper to your chest and shoot him a big smile.

“Yes, thank you! Isn’t this awesome? I have no idea what I’m going to use it on, but I guess we’ll see in the future.” He pulls his shirt up so he can tuck the envelope in the waistband of his jeans.

Before you all know it, the sun is high in the sky and the rest of the festivities are in full swing. The sounds of screaming and laughter fill the air as the rest of the town arrives in droves. Erwin had suggested that you all rest and recoup to take a break from the crowd. So that’s why you and the others were sitting on plush grass under the shade of cherry blossom trees, eating lunch from the miscellaneous vendors around. None of you had thought to bring a blanket to sit on unfortunately, but that didn’t bother you. Levi, on the other hand.

“Tch, are we really okay with getting grass stains on our clothes?” Levi grumbles as he places his garbage on the pile of already accumulating trash sitting in the center of your small circle.

“You could always stand.” Erwin’s currently leaning against the tree, propped up on one shoulder as he sips his drink. His eyes light up at the sour expression he’s shot with.

“Or you could just live a little. It’s just some grass and dirt, Levi.” Hange tuts as they ball up their own wrapper and throws it in the pile as well, a smile playing on their lips in a mocking manner.

“I’m sure your 5-step laundry system will get out any stains.” Furlan adds in with a chuckle. He pulls at his little dish of fries as he side-eyes you as you laugh along.

The sun filters through the trees onto your face and you close your eyes as well, relishing the warmth. Unbeknownst to you, Levi is cracking his good eye open to peek at the serene expression complimenting your pretty features.

It's like this for a while. At some point, Erwin had disappeared to find a ‘gentleman’s room’ as he called it. Hange and Furlan were in the middle of a conversation about some movie that came out last week. You're resting with your arms splayed above you, your vision turning pink from the sun hitting your eyelids. The warm rays caress your exposed skin like a comforting hug. The soft running of the river pairs well with the rustling of the blossoms above you from the breeze. You sigh in content.

All of a sudden, your face feels cool from something blocking the sunlight above you. You swat at it thinking it’s your sister but then something nips at your fingers. Hange was weird, but not that weird. You have to squint after initially opening your eyes due to the bright surroundings but when your vision finally focuses, you freeze. Standing above you is a massive white goose, its head bent back slightly as it stares down at you.

You hear Levi and Furlan calling your name, but you don’t look over. You always laughed at the idea of geese, but now the source of terror stands right in front of you. The goose had its beak slightly open and you’re quick to spot rows of sharp teeth.

“Hey, look at me.” Levi says softly. When you glance over with a side eye, he’s watching you carefully. You swallow hard. “Keep backing away slowly. It should leave you alone once it sees you’re not a threat.”

As if Levi had cursed you with his words, you step back on a twig with a ‘crack’ and there’s a moment of silence as you stare horrified before all hell breaks loose. And then you’re running for your life down the grassy field. You hear something chasing after you and you pump your legs harder. The wind blows past your ears, and it takes everything in you to hurdle over the obstacles in front of you - those obstacles being people.

You don’t know how long you’ve been running but you're winded faster than you would like. Not to mention that by the looks of it, you were about to run out of open field. You were going to have to face your opponent sooner than later. Taking a deep breath and steeling your resolve, you twist your body around and blindly kick towards the goose. Except, you don’t make contact with a goose.

“Gah!” Levi doubles over in front of you, groaning from the ground as he clutches his stomach. When you look behind him, Hange and Furlan are chasing the goose away loudly screaming and clapping. You drop to your knees and place your hands on his shoulders to shake him gently to get his attention. When he raises his head to look at you, you're met with glazed, dark eyes.

"Are you… okay?" He mutters hoarsely through gritted teeth.

'Me?! But you?!' You sign back, emphasizing your words with a bemused expression.

"I just... need... a minute." Levi falls backwards so that he's on his butt. A hiss of air escapes his lips as he lands, his face scrunched up as the waves of pain subside. "I don't know what your intent was with that kick, but I have a feeling you would have sent that goose straight to hell." He coughs a little and stares up at you with an amused glint in his eyes.

‘I’m sorry, I panicked.’ He waves his hand dismissively.

You decide to sit with him as he catches his breath. You can’t keep the embarrassed flush from heating up your face. You pick at the grass anxiously as you keep replaying what just happened in your head. This is not something you would forget, unfortunately. Especially having hurt Levi.

“What did the grass ever do to you?” You hear Levi joke next to you, his voice back to a normal octave and significantly less breathy.

‘Sure you’re okay?’ You glance over to him sheepishly, fiddling with a blade of grass in between your fingers. He meets your gaze.

“I’m fine, seriously. But you should consider going pro with those legs of yours.” After a beat, he realizes what he said and clears his throat, looking away. “You know, like soccer or something.” The tips of his ears are already turning red.

“Are you two okay?!” You hear Hange screaming from the other side of the park, arms waving to get your attention. You shoot her two thumbs up.

“We should probably get back.” Levi grunts as he pushes himself up. There’s a considerable amount of weight he’s putting into his left leg, like earlier. But you figure if you ask him if he’s okay again, he might scold you. So, you opt to stay quiet as you watch him with caution.

“Are you coming?” His hand is outstretched towards you to take, which you do so without hesitating. His skin is rather warm against yours, callous yet soft. He pulls you up without effort, and he ends up having to grip your arm to steady you so you don’t fall face first from the force. He considers you with a slight smile and then starts off to the rest of your friends, with you following closely behind.

There was even a time where you had talked Levi into trying the absurd ice cream flavors from a stall suspiciously located all by itself off the beaten path. The glare full of daggers was resounding but he caved. It actually wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be, but he disagreed strongly.

“Oh, you’ve got it bad don’t you.” Hange mumbles to the right of you, breaking you out of your thoughts. You were waiting by the sinks in the public restroom for your sister to finish up their business. You peer at them with confusion at their random question. They flick their eyes down to your fidgeting fingers that currently twisted the cherry blossom necklace dangling around your neck.

“For Levi.” Both were confident statements. You blow a raspberry at them and roll your eyes. Letting go of the charm, you lift your hands to say something, but you’re at a loss for words. In all honesty, you’ve never really sat down to think about your feelings for Levi past the ‘I like being around him’ thoughts. The comfort he emanated was enough for you, so you never gave it a second thought. But if the little moments throughout the day with him accomplished anything, it was the establishment of your feelings in a new light. Whatever those feelings may be.

‘Just a friend.’ Is all you sign back.

“Are you sure about that?” They tut and grip your biceps in both hands as they face you head on, their eyes bouncing back and forth between yours. A small smile plays on their lips, but when you say nothing back, she nods and walks out the bathroom door with you in tow.

The men are waiting outside the building, seemingly in an in-depth conversation. You catch Levi’s eye on your way over, your heart skipping a beat at the way the late golden sun rays hit his pale skin. His eyes flick back over to Furlan and Erwin’s conversation.

“There’s just a little more time before the fireworks go off. What now?” Hange calls out a few steps away, grabbing the men’s attention.

“It’s almost sunset! It’s the best time to check out the ferris wheel.” Furlan chips in.

‘Oh yeah, I’d love to check that out!’

“Sure thing. There’s something I wanted to see over there anyways.” Erwin smiles and turns, leading the charge. You end up falling back so that you’re at the tail end of the line. When you glance back, you see Levi trailing behind with his eyes fixated on you. Your step fumbles momentarily and you whip your head back around so you can watch where you were going. A soft huff-like laugh from behind makes you bite your lip in embarrassment.

The line luckily only had a handful of people in it. But with the wheel currently going, there was a little bit of a wait in front of you. You were behind a group of four kids who were currently goofing off and laughing with each other.

“C’mon Jean, you gotta get over it sooner than later.” A closely shaven haired kid blurts out with a hard laugh.

“No! I’ve asked him multiple times to stop calling me horse face! Now the whole class is in on it. It pisses me off!” The kid named Jean yells out. He's currently staring down at his phone, light from the screen illuminating his very agitated face.

“Hey, let’s quiet down. We’re out in public, you know.” A kid with freckles chuckles nervously, his eyes sweeping around the small crowd around them. They land on a figure in front of them furiously stuffing something in their mouth. “Sasha, what are you eating now?”

A girl with red hair turns with powdered sugar all over her face and she’s mid chew, her eyes wide and expressive. “Deep fried Oreos.” Her voice is muffled by the food stuffed in her mouth.

“How did you even manage to grab those? We’ve been in line this whole time.” Freckles asks exasperated. The shaven haired kid reaches over to the doughy goodness only for the plate to be whisked away with an almost growl coming from the red-headed girl. They start lightly wrestling. You laugh quietly at their antics with fondness. They reminded you of you and your siblings around that age.

After what feels like forever, the ferris wheel cars start unloading and reloading. The kids in front got into their own car, a couple of them pushing each other with laughter as they filed in. Unfortunately, each car could only house four people at a time. Erwin opted out of the ride, but then Levi and Hange got into an argument about who would stay behind so that Erwin wouldn't be left alone. Ultimately Hange won. Oddly enough, Levi didn’t seem too bothered by it as much as he let on.

With the sun almost gone, the sky now a stunning mixture of blues and purples littered with pale stars, the air was getting cooler by the minute. Furlan settles himself in the spot next to you, shooting you a half-cocked grin. Levi gingerly sits himself down on the bench across from you and takes a moment to use both hands to massage the kneecap of his bad leg with a grimace.

'Okay?' Levi shifts his gaze up to you at the hand movement.

"Fine." You smile at him softly, but he's already looking off to the side at the man closing the car door.

A moment later, you feel the car shift and then you're ascending slowly, cool air blowing from behind. You shift in your seat so that you can lean over to the side better, but the car is so small that your leg bumps into Levi. An apology is already on your fingertips, but Levi stops you with a look.

"No need. You're okay."

'Leg? Okay?' You frown.

"Fine." That word again. “Just a lot of wal-"

"Now look at this view!" Furlan cuts Levi off with a yell. His sudden loudness makes you flinch. He's got his body half-hanging out of the car as he stares out to the ground. You just now notice the wheel had stopped moving and the car was sitting almost at the top. When you look over on your side, you stare in awe at the lit-up festival grounds beneath you. The warm yellow glow is broken up by various multicolor neon signs and string lights. People mill around and the sound of muffled chatter makes its way up to your ears.

By this time, the sunlight was completely gone and replaced by a bright full moon with twinkling lights dancing around it. They remind you of Levi. His leg was still pressed up against yours. Glancing over, you see his head tilted up to gaze at the stars as well, his hair swept back out of his face. As if he could feel you watching him, his own heavy-lidded eyes peer at you over his cheeks. From this position, the way the moonlight illuminated his body… he was breathtaking. Divine, even.

"Where's Hange and Erwin?" You all stepped off the platform to wait for the two in question on the ground, but crowds of people filed out and the wheel was going again. Neither your sister nor tall, blonde friend had made an appearance.

"I bet they ran off to do something stupid." Levi mutters next to you.

"I know I haven’t known the two of them as long as you both have, but I get the feeling that they have an annoying habit of doing that." Furlan chuckles. He stretches his arms above his head with a yawn.

"It’s almost your bedtime, old timer." Levi jabs. Furlan punches him in the arm with a wide grin.

"You're one to talk, grandpa. Anyways, where to now?" His bright eyes glance over at you.

Hange had made a comment about it a week ago but the way he brushed it off made you too nervous to talk to him about it, so you didn’t. You only wished you could have told him how much it warmed your heart to see him learning, whether it was on purpose or not.

You were so lost in thought that you hadn’t realized you lost sight of Levi and Furlan. The sounds of the crowd suddenly become louder as you’re pulled back to reality. You bite your bottom lip anxiously as you scan around, people’s faces and bright lights becoming a blur. Suddenly you feel a hand pulling at you and you’re being tugged out of the crowd by a strong grip. You were about to sigh in relief, but the hand felt unfamiliar to you. You attempt to pull back, but their fingers are wrapped tightly around your forearm, and you don’t have enough leverage to break free.

“There you are.” You don’t recognize the voice. The face you see when you look up is not one you’ve seen before but one that will haunt you forever. Dark shadowed eyes and a gaunt face, yellowed teeth bared at you with a nasty smile. You pull your arm even harder, eyes wide in panic, but the grip gets tighter. Instantly, you’re small again cowering on the floor of an old foster home. You open your mouth, like you’re going to scream, but nothing comes out.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing out here alone?” He purrs at you as he pulls you closer. His breath smells of strong liquor and is hot against your face. You go to kick him in the shins but it’s like the impact doesn’t even phase him. You lacked the velocity to do any damage, and he just chuckles darkly at your bleak endeavor. “Got a fighter, I see.” He begins to pull you closer to him and you have to use every muscle in your body to push away from him, your free hand trying to pry his fingers off your skin at the same time.

“Get your grotesque hands off her.” An icy voice calls out from behind you. Tears prick at the corner of your eyes because it’s a voice that you do recognize. The man smirks and is about to say something back but when his gaze flicks to the side of you, you see his face go a sickly shade of gray. The grip on your arm lessens greatly so you take this opportunity to shake him off and step back, rubbing the sore spot where his fingers once were.

“I-I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realize she was yours.” He stumbles back. You glance behind to see the scariest expression you’ve ever seen grace Levi’s face. The snarl pulls at his lips with a sharpness in his eyes. What you don’t notice right away are the cups that were once filled with some sort of liquid were now crushed in his trembling hands, purely from anger. The drinks pool at his feet but he doesn’t blink an eye, his focus strictly on the assailant in front of you.

“Yeah, she’s mine. Leave now before I make you regret ever waking up today.” Levi spits venom into every syllable. His aura radiates so much danger that you could feel it from where you stood. At that, the man runs off. Levi steps over to you, throwing the cups into a nearby trash can as he does. His gaze is noticeably softer when he centers in on you and the shaken state you’re in.

“Are you okay?” Levi speaks in a low, gentle voice. Taking a shaky breath, you sign a no with a trembling hand. He tenderly takes your forearm and inspects your skin under the streetlight that lingered above you. His hands are sticky from whatever beverages he had managed to procure for you. In the yellow light, you see a red hand-shaped imprint. Your arm will definitely bruise tomorrow, much to your dismay.

“Sick bastard, putting his hands on you like that.” He grumbles, his gaze stuck on your arm as he speaks. You’re reminded of that incident at the gala that felt like a lifetime ago. Taking your free hand, you pull your phone out from your back pocket and start up a new memo.

‘Thank you. For saving the damsel in distress. I needed it.’ He glances up at you incredulously. It takes a moment to sink in, but when he realizes what you mean, his lips quirk up into a half smile. A huff escapes his lips in what you think might be a laugh.

“Thanks for the gratitude. Brat.” He drops your arm carefully.

‘Where’s Furlan?’ You stand on your toes to look over the crowd, but you don’t see your taller friend anywhere. The way Levi’s face falls at your question goes unnoticed.

“Why? I’m sure he’s off doing his own thing.” Levi scoffs. You frown at his sudden attitude, stealing a glance at his uninterested face.

‘He’s your friend, aren’t you worried?’ He rolls his eyes, which were currently lit up from your phone screen.

“He’s fine. I’ll send him a message to let him know where we are.” And like that, the topic of Furlan is closed. You sigh as you take a moment to text your sister where you two were located. You look around for a noticeable landmark to direct them, and you spot the live stage to your left. No one was playing at the moment, probably on their break or waiting for the fireworks, you think. Instead, there is contemporary music playing from the stage speakers and a couple of people dancing.

‘Aren’t those employees of your café?’ You slide him your phone and then point to the dance floor when he looks up. A girl with medium-length hair the same shade as Levi is in the arms of her boyfriend and they’re currently swaying to the beat. You haven’t had much of a chance to really speak to Eren and Mikasa because normally when you came to visit the café, it was close to closing and they were already off due to being in school. They look so happy.

“Looks like they’re having fun.” Levi responds in a blasé tone. You stand there imagining that it was you and Levi instead out on the floor, him holding you just as tightly. You blink hard to get that visual out of your head. What a silly sentiment. A cold breeze blows through your hair, and it makes you shiver. You wrap your arms around yourself to hold in some warmth.

“Cold?” You nod sheepishly. You remembered halfway into the day that you had left your coat on the armrest of the couch in your excitement. Levi hums and you watch as he pulls off his leather jacket and then his hoodie. Your eyes flick to his exposed abdomen as he pulls off each layer, polished and toned. You look away quickly as you chide yourself for even staring.

“Here.” he says after a few beats. When you look back over, he has his leather jacket back on but is handing you his dark hoodie. Your eyes widen at the gesture, and out of instinct you shake your head no with a ‘thank you’ at the end of it. He pushes it over to you anyways, an earnest look on his face.

“You look miserable. Just take it.” You frown at him again.

‘You’re one to talk, grumpy.’ You sign at him but take the hoodie anyways.

When you have it pulled down all the way, you can’t help the heat from searing across your cheeks as you feel the thick cloth hugging at every inch of your torso and arms. It seems your noticeable height difference had a huge disadvantage when it came to sharing clothes, not like it was ever anything you had thought about before. You look over to Levi whose gaze is intently fixated on you. His eyes flick up to yours and he looks away quickly, clearing his throat. Sharp, gray eyes side-eye you as he speaks.

“I-um. Are you warm?” You slide your cold fingers into the front pocket and smile at him, though the embarrassment was still eating away at you. You tuck your chin in the collar to get more warmth - it smelled just like Levi. Clean laundry, musky body wash, and surprisingly, a hint of lavender. It was calming in more ways than one. And it was so soft.

“I’m sure they’ll find us soon. The fireworks are about to start. Let’s go find a spot.” He mutters as he turns around on his heel and walks down towards the river without another word. You inhale another whiff as you follow him, smiling to yourself under the collar.

But it was nowhere near as stunning as you were, leaning back to rest on your arms so you could stare up into the sky. It felt like every part of you overwhelmed his brain. The way his hoodie clung to your body, the way you looked at him, your stupidly sweet smile. The way his heart races any time he sees you let alone thinks about you. How could he not? Your eyes shift over to him, and he’s suddenly aware of his staring.

‘What?’ You sign to him. You’ve sat back up to stare at him, a perplexed expression across your face.

“Nothing. You just look relaxed.”

‘Yes. I am happy.’ Another soft smile that lit up your eyes. Levi didn’t miss how you made a conscious decision to simplify your signs just for him so he would understand. Through every interaction in the last couple months, you had left him with more knowledge on how to communicate better, but you assumed it was only the small stuff. Little did you know, he was currently taking late night lessons because he couldn’t stand not being able to look into your eyes when you messaged him.

‘You?’ A frown replaces your smile.

“Me what?”

‘Happy?’ You stare straight into his eyes as you ask, searching. This prompts a signature Levi eye roll.

Levi sighs under his breath and goes to do the same. But then he feels his hand grazing against yours, fingers lightly resting on top of each other, and an electrified shock passes from his arm all the way through his body. You don’t pull your hand away though, and neither does he.

In fact, you’re still staring at him with a look he couldn’t discern. You cautiously wrap your pinky around his own and offer him a reassuring smile. He doesn’t think twice about tightening his grip. The sounds of laughter and idle chatter dimmed away to the sound of his reverberating heartbeat that threatened to blow out his ears. What would it be like to kiss you right now, he asks himself. Your eyes flick down to his half-parted lips as he says your name in an almost-like whisper. Your eyes are a brilliant shade under the moonlight. When did you get so close?

“There you two are!!” You both jump away as you hear Hange’s earth-shattering shriek from behind, any contact now left cold from whatever that moment was with you. Levi hisses out of frustration. You’re already getting up to stand to meet the newcomers, so he does the same. Shitty-glasses and their shitty timing.

“I didn’t realize y’all had already found a place to sit! We were waiting by the dance floor this whole time.” Hange tuts as they playfully punch your arm. Erwin stood a couple feet away, currently on the phone with someone. The expression on his face gave the implication that it was not a pleasant conversation.

‘Sorry, a lot happened, and I got distracted easily. You found us though!’ A fake smile pulls at your lips. There’s a glance in your direction but it’s gone as quick as it happened. He didn’t imagine that, did he? Were you ignoring what happened intentionally or pretending it never happened? Levi kicks himself mentally and disguises his face in indifference as he speaks.

“Yeah, where the hell did you both even go? And have you seen Furlan?”

“I haven’t seen him, no. And we were wandering! Erwin suggested it. Also,” Hange reaches into their pocket and pulls out their phone. They flip to their contacts and then shoves the phone in your face. Levi blinks at the sudden change in brightness. “I got someone’s number!”

“So, you ditched us to chase after someone?” Levi crosses his arms over his chest.

“Nooo, I ditched you guys to wander, I just said that! This was just a bonus.” Hange purses their lips. “I gotta tell you about them! They’re just so…” Levi zones their voice out and watches as a laugh escapes your lips as you reach for your sister, an adoring smile lighting up your features as you ask questions about who it was that they found. Levi’s phone vibrates and when he slides it out, Furlan’s name is bold on the screen. Sighing, he presses the green button and pulls it to his ear.

“What?”

“H-hey sorry! I didn’t mean to ditch, I got lost and then sidetracked.” Levi stares over to you as you sign animatedly, laughter at your sister shaking your body as you converse. “Anyways, I was calling to let you know I haven’t been murdered or anything.”

“Tch, wouldn’t be the worst thing if that happened.”

“You jest but where would you be without your best friend? Probably in prison.”

“Whatever you say. Where are you then, if not dead?”

“Oh, I grabbed another bag of kettle corn and went home. I have an early shift anyway so…” There’s a moment of pause before Furlan’s soft voice mutters through the speaker, “Do you like her?”

“Who?” Levi grumbles, pinching his lips together.

“Don’t play dumb with me. I saw the way you looked at her all day.” You’re glancing over to him now, your eyes shining in a way that makes his heart melt. Hange says something else, and you break eye contact as you double over in a fit of giggles.

“You don’t know what you’ve seen.”

“So, it’s okay that I ask her out on a date then?” Silence. “That’s what I thought. Levi, you’re allowed happiness you know. Stop thinking something bad is going to happen.”

“Sure, but I doubt she feels the same.”

“You never know unless you ask. Anyways, I’m calling it. Talk to you soon, old man.” The line clicks and then he’s gone.

A resounding boom explodes from behind Levi, the sign that the fireworks show had just begun. The look on your face when you twist around mid-conversation to stare at the remarkable display left Levi in awe. The colors that danced off your face as you smiled up to the sky, your body practically jumping up and down from your enthusiasm. You were breathtaking to him in every way, and he decided right then and there that he just wanted you. Just you, and no one else.

You repeat that to yourself as you climb up the stairs to your shared apartment. Hange’s voice is dull against your raging thoughts, but you’re pretty sure they were still rambling about the person they met tonight. You go to unlock the door but are stopped mid-turn by Hange grabbing your hand to get your attention. Glancing over, you see a concerned look etched into their face.

“Are you okay?”

‘Fine.’ You unlock the door and push it open. ‘Tired.’ You yawn to emphasize, which really wasn’t a lie. Though your mind was far from tired, the events of today really wore you out.

“Me too. I could use a 30 hour nap. But I suppose 7 hours will do, for now.” They laugh as you both walk in the door, making sure to lock it behind you. You throw your bag onto the little side table before reaching down slowly to pull your shoes off. Something in your back pops. You were going to be so sore tomorrow, you groan to yourself.

“Hey, is that Levi’s jacket?” You glance down at the tight fabric around your torso. Shit.

‘Yeah, he let me borrow it. I completely forgot to hand it back to him.’

“I’m just surprised he forgot. He’s usually so meticulous about his things.” Hange says as she hangs her things up and pads to the kitchen to get something to drink. “It’s fine, we’ll probably see them again soon so you can give it back then.” Part of you didn’t want to, though.

You snap to get your sister’s attention before signing, ‘I’m going to shower then bed. Let me know if you need anything.’

“I should probably do the same. But hey,” They eye you carefully. “Are you sure you’re okay?? I notice Levi spends a lot of time around you.” You can’t help but roll your eyes at that, a habit you most definitely picked up from the guy in question.

‘It’s not like that. Everything is fine.’ You offer a reassuring smile. Everything was fine, just confusing.

“Okay, if you say so. But you do know you can talk to me about everything. Especially feelings for men. Certain raven-haired men that never smile.” They crack a big grin as you throw a couch pillow at their face on your way to your room. “Love you!!” You hear before you shut your door. How are you going to talk about your feelings about a certain terse man when you don’t even know how you’re feeling.

After your shower, you couldn’t help but pull Levi’s hoodie back over your head and snuggle into it. It might be smaller than what you’re used to, but it was very plush and warm. Not to mention the comforting smell that emanated from it any time you moved.

You curl up in your bed and yawn, recounting everything that happened today while fighting the urge to kick your feet like an overjoyed child. Suddenly the photo booth comes to mind. The photos! You fling yourself out of your bed and quietly tiptoe to the front hallway to grab your bag, making sure to be quiet so you don’t wake Hange - who could be heard snoring loudly from their room.

On the off chance you are completely wrong though, you decide it might be best to wait. Saying something now might ruin what you both have, and you were not willing to risk that friendship. With the smell of Levi pervading your senses, you’re lulled into a deep slumber. The thoughts of him swirl through your brain and turn into pleasant dreams.

bzzzzz

Levi: I hope my hoodie kept you warm, please take care of it. Sleep well.

☾ Previous Chapter: March ☾ Next Chapter: May

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amyispxnk · 1 year ago

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Chickenshit

Day 2 of my Halloweeny drabbles with Joel!

26/10: horror movie

Joel Miller x gn!reader

Word count: 895

Warnings: language, pet names (sweetheart, darlin')

Do not copy this work in any way, pls and ty

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Beep, beep, beep.

You opened the microwave door and took the bag of popcorn out, cursing quietly when the hot air grazed your hands.

You walked back into the living room to see Joel flicking through the TV channels to find a movie to watch. After setting the bowl on the small table in front of the couch, you sat beside him, tucking your feet beneath you and looking at him.

"So, what're we watching then?"

He turned back to face you before nodding his head towards the screen.

"Scream."

You raised your eyebrows at him with an unimpressed look on your face.

"Scream? We've all seen that like.. 20 times already. It's not even a horror film, just a whole lotta blood and death. Are you too chickenshit to watch anything that's actually scary? Hm, Joel? Too scared..?" You mocked in a playful tone. He glared at you, or tried to - he found it really hard to be truly annoyed at you - before handing you the remote.

"Fine, you pick somethin' scary. I bet ya 10 dollars you won't be able to sleep without me tonight you'll be so afraid."

"Challenge accepted." You replied, confident you'd be 10 dollars richer by the end of the night as you turned on The Ring.

-------

An hour later, you were petrified. You didn't want to look at the screen, but you couldn't tear your eyes away from it either, trying to catch the next jumpscare before it got you, failing miserably each time.

"Holy- Shit! Why are there so many jumpscares in this fuckin' film?!" You complained after what seemed like the ninth one in the past 20 minutes.

He just shrugged, smugness radiating from him as he watched you slowly get more and more freaked out, throwing more popcorn into his mouth. You reached for some more and pouted slightly when you realised he had finished the entire bowl.

"Joel.. did you seriously finish all the popcorn."

"'s not like you were eatin' any. Too scared shittin' your pants-"

"Go fill it up now." You cut him off as you handed him the bowl, eyes falling back to the TV, transfixed by the events playing out on-screen once again. He was about to tease you some more but decided against it, going to the kitchen and looking through the cabinets for the popcorn bag.

That was the last one.

"Sweetheart, 'm gonna go to the store real quick. Don't got any popcorn left." He called out from the hallway.

"Yeah, okay. Don't take forever." You responded as you heard the door close.

--------

15 minutes later, Joel still wasn't back and you heard something. A floorboard creaking. Probably nothing, the house is old anyways. The tap running. You needed to get it fixed, you'd tell Joel later. A crack, then a thud.

"Probably just a tree or something. Yeah. 's nothing." You quietly assured yourself, pulling the blanket tighter around your body, glancing around a bit before looking back to the screen. It was a quiet scene, nothing much was going on. Nothing much until-

The lights flickered in your house, again and again until they turned off completely.

"What the fuck.." You muttered under your breath, squinting your eyes to look through the darkness- the only source of light being the TV. When you looked back at it, the girl was fucking crawling through the TV and you nearly pissed your pants, jumping up and scrambling for the remote to immediately turn the film off.

Your shaky hands reached for your phone, pressing the button to call Joel, about to shout at him to hurry the fuck up because why was it taking so long for him to get some damn popcorn?!

Creeeeeeeaaaak.

You whipped your head around to the direction the noise came from before a pair of hands grasped your shoulders tightly.

You almost actually did piss your pants before the light turned on and you saw Joel's face staring back at you, shit-eating grin very evident on it. Grin which immediately disappeared when you accidentally smacked him across the face.

"Get the fuck off- Joel?" You stared at him, panting from the adrenaline coursing through your veins and watched as he broke out into laughter, doubling over at the sight of you gripping the remote and holding it in preparation to use it like a weapon, quivering with your eyes blown wide in fear.

"What. The fuck. Was that?!" You demanded, not amused like he was.

"That-" he began after a good thirty seconds of howling with laughter. "That was me being the king at scaring you, darlin'."

You threw the remote back onto the couch, before turning back to him.

"So that was all you? You- did you even get the popcorn?"

"I did not get the popcorn, but I don't think we'll be needin' any, considerin' you turned the film off."

You looked back to the TV screen, and yes you had turned it off, but you didn't want him to have the satisfaction. You were gonna finish the damn film, you weren't chickenshit.

"We don't need popcorn, but we're still finishing the film."

--------

He had to stay over that night because of how scared you were, jumping at every little noise that came from inside and outside your house.

Safe to say he didn't pull a stunt like that again.

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Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it <3 Comments, reblogs and hearts are always appreciated and requests are open! 💞

#joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller one shot #joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller angst #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #the last of us #halloween #amyispxnk fics

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ly-art · 4 months ago

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Can't believe I'm at chapter 20 now with my Solavellan fic!!

I updated my fanfic again, chapter 20 plays in Crestwood and while we have things out of the game, I put some more drama in the end of it, because apparently I can't without drama lol a little snippet is attached!!

Amatisha stared at her hand, red blood trickling onto her lap, the scent of iron filling her nostrils. Her lips and the skin beneath her nose felt wet, the taste of iron in her mouth as she licked it away, thinking it was rain or sweat. Time accelerated, and with it came the pain—agonizing, searing pain. Dizziness overtook her, and through it all, she heard a terrible howl, so pain-stricken it sounded like someone being butchered. Only seconds later, did she realize the howl was hers, the pain driving her mad. Unable to keep herself upright, she didn't notice a nimble templar escaping her wrath. He slashed at her as she fell, everything merging into an indescribable sensation. All she could do was wait for the killing blow, her body refusing to obey her commands. Yet... she waited and waited, but it never came. With sheer willpower, she forced her eyes open. In front of her stood Solas, holding a glaive that shimmered ethereally as if it wasn't from this world, piercing the templar. Blood pooled around their feet, seeping into Amatisha's clothes. Solas looked like a god of wrath, his sharp eyes turning to her, fury crackling within. With elegant expertise, he withdrew the glaive from the templar, who collapsed to the ground, dead, his eyes lifeless and staring at the sky. The glaive vanished in a beautiful violet light as Solas dismissed it. Even Dorian stared in disbelief, recognizing this was far beyond a knight enchanter’s weapon—far more developed, superior. No one dared move as Solas’s snarl echoed through the clearing. "Are you out of your mind?" he whispered, his voice a volcano ready to erupt. He crouched down, cupping her face, forcing her to meet his gaze. His eyes roved over her body, checking for any other injuries. "Foolish," he breathed. "What a foolish thing to do. Using the mark to amplify your magic without understanding the consequences. You risked not only your own life but the lives of everyone present. Itha fra ma." His contained rage threatened to surface. Gently, he released her face and touched her scorched hand. She whimpered, tears collecting in the corners of her eyes. The pain was excruciating, her mind going blank. "You never learn, do you? This time, you used it out of worry for *us*? Why do you always want to punish yourself like this? Must you always act so recklessly? Do you want to die?" Amatisha couldn't stop her lip from trembling and just shrugged. Words from her past echoed in her mind, Istimaethoriel's voice, sweet and venomous. *Worthless. Monster. Selfish. Misbehaving bitch. No one loves you. No one wants you. You are only a tool to be discarded. No one wants to see what's beneath that pretty shell because only darkness and filthiness await those who dare. No one would grieve your death. It would be better if you were gone. Why don't you relieve us of your existence?*

#dragon age #solas #dai #fanfic #lavellan #solasmance #da fanfic #dragon age fanfiction #inquisitor lavellan #solavellan #solas x female lavellan #solas x inquisitor #ao3 writer #ao3 #ao3 fanfic

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tokiro07 · 9 months ago

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Undead Unluck ep.23 thoughts

[Mamaaa! Didn't Mean to Make You Cryyy!]

I guess if any episodes had to be the best episodes, it's appropriate that they be the end of the season, but god dammit, why wasn't every episode this good???

The animation, the music, the emotional weight, this episode was a real all-rounder. Even with how comparatively little action there was, it was great!

I actually feel like there's nothing for me to say, it was so good. There weren't any big reinterpretations of the source material for me to latch onto, mostly just little details like the pages crumpling under Sean's feet to convey his presence or a subtle Easter egg when Rip cut off Anno Un's arm. The coolest detail was definitely that Akira couldn't narrate the preview anymore now that we know who he is, but I get the feeling I wouldn't have noticed that if other people hadn't pointed it out first

If we're lucky, maybe that'll mean there's no recap next week...

Something this episode did help me realize, though, was that Yuki Yase's style really lends itself well to dramatic weight rather than pulse-pounding action. As we saw, the latter is still possible, but I think the thing that killed the pacing for the season as a whole was the insistence on pregnant pauses and atmospheric shots over a consistent flow of events and ideas. The dark lighting and zoomed-out shots are both pretty indicative of this, and were definitely my least favorite elements of the season. Those moments that reduced visual clarity to presumably focus on what was being said were, ironically, very distracting for me, as I always found myself trying to figure out where the cast was (though I think they were usually hiding behind Hulu's garishly huge subtitles) instead of focusing on what was being said

As near as I remember, though, this episode didn't really have moments like that, and if it did, they went by quick enough that I didn't really notice them. I remember this episode being very bright with the exception of the brief moment of sepia with Akira sitting next to his grieving mother, which was extremely poignant without the directorial style I was complaining about. If I had to guess, aside from the amazing moments of sakuga, this was the biggest reason this episode left such a good impression

I'm not really good at understanding this sort of thing, but I hope to learn at some point who was in charge of what in each episode; Yuki Yase is the director of the series as a whole, not individual episodes, so it's possible that he's not responsible for most of my gripes this past half year, but it's also possible that his overall style overshadowed everyone else's decisions, so he may well be responsible either way. I hope that someone like Totally Not Mark will cover UU down the road so I can get insight on this from someone who's good at hunting down that kind of information and comparing one bit of an artist's works to the rest. I may not like researching that kind of thing, but I do love hearing about it!

With that, we have one final episode to go. Will it be up to snuff with the last two episodes, will it miss the landing, or will it go above and beyond and convince a million people to sit through 20 episodes of recaps just to see how it gets to this point? We'll find out next week, and I can't wait!

Until next time, let's enjoy life!

#undead unluck #fouryearsandananime #uu anime #4y1a reviews

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nightrosebud · 10 months ago

Note

abirur dialogue #20

stricklake dialogue #31

I do have an idea for an Abirur piece; it just might be some time before I can get to it. Maybe sometime in 2025 at this rate. But here is some Stricklake angst:

The scholarly Chaucer had once said, "Time and tide waits for no man." The wise Jagger had added to that statement with, "Hours are like diamonds, don't let them waste." For Walter, a troll who had lived many centuries and stood to live many more, these sentiments didn't reach his heart when he heard them the first time. Humans had to worry about time; the changeling did not.

That changed when he met Barbara.

The years had flown away before he knew it. There were weddings (their own and then Young Atlas'), they found homes for all the babies in the Cradlestone, children were born, there were battles, there were victories, and there were defeats. But in the end, there was peace, a sense of contentment that Walter had never experienced in his life. This was a good life, and somehow, with all his past sins, he was alive and able to enjoy it.

But while they were living, time kept moving, and Walter looked up one day and was shocked to see how much Barbara had changed. It wasn't bad, her new grey hair and deeper laugh lines. They enhanced her beauty, didn't take any from it. But she also complained about her hands hurting now. She complained about not being able to pick up her grandchildren as much anymore. (Their grandchildren, she would argue, but Walt refused to answer to Peepaw.) He was unchanging as, well, a rock. But he knew that Barbara would soon be completely different than when he met her.

And then her body would fail her, and she would be gone.

He had a recurring daydream, a waking nightmare he couldn't control, where a hooded figure came to Barbara's deathbed. It was the stereotypical DEATH of lore, black cloak wrapped around a grinning skeleton, a long scythe in its bony grip. Walt would try to get in its way to save the human he cared for, but it would pass him by, not stopped by knife, sword, fang, or claw. "Stop!" he would scream, "I love her!"

I DON'T CARE, it responds before the scythe makes its final descent.

It was this disturbing subconscious memory in the back of his mind that probably made him overreact that Halloween night. Walter was home (her house, which she had invited him into when he had no right to be there, but he had settled in quickly) while Barbara was called into work. She had been promoted and did not have to pull the night shift on Halloween if she didn't want to, but she was a good leader, taking the shift that no one else wanted so that the hospital had the support it needed. He had given out candy for most of the night, waving to the parents he recognized from school. Later that night, once the candy was gone, he turned off the porch light and settled on the couch to wait for Barbara, planning to rub her feet and let her rant about her day if required. There was always something that Barbara needed to share, and he would be an ear to chew on.

And so, when Barbara's car pulled up to the house and she got out of it, slowly and carefully, he didn't think anything of it. She was just tired, and he got up to open the door for her. He was smiling, about to ask her about her day, as he turned the porch light back on. But when the harsh light illuminated her, Walt finally noticed her hunched posture as she held her stomach, bright red blood dripping down her scrubs. She winced, probably from the bright light, but Walt thought for one terrifying second that she was reacting to immense pain.

"What happened? Let me help you!" Walt cried, his heart now racing in his throat. He lunged forward, trying to pry her hands from her stomach to see the wound that was surely there.

"Relax, the blood is fake," Barbara replied grimly. Walt heard her words, but they didn't register in his panic. He crouched down and started to pull at her clothing, trying to wipe away the sticky red fluid to reveal the wound. He prayed it wasn't serious, but with all the blood, it had to be a knife wound or a gunshot even. "Walt, the blood is fake." She was trying to push his hands away, but he couldn't stop; he had to find it, stop the bleeding. "Walt! I'm fine!" So much blood, how was she still standing? "Walt!" When he found out who did this, he would make them pay...

"Walt! Stop!" Barbara finally succeeded in pushing Walt's hands away, and he paused to look at her dumbly. In his haste to find her injury, he had nearly ripped the clothes off of her body. He had wiped most of the red blood away to expose the unmarked skin on her stomach and upper thighs, and only now did he realize that the liquid on his hands did not have the coppery smell of blood. He sniffed it curiously. Sweet, like sugar. Corn syrup dyed red to look like blood.

"Some pranksters were in the park and threw balloons full of fake blood at my car," Barbara explained. She was putting her clothes back into place, and Walt was very glad that it wasn't earlier in the evening. The neighbors and their children would have witnessed an unhinged Walt trying to rip the clothes off of his wife in the front yard. "My window was open, and one made it into my lap," she continued, staring at him, studying him. She looked concerned and uncertain, and Walt couldn't blame her. He had just overreacted over something very benign. "Walt, are you okay?"

Walt, still on his knees in front of her, blinked. "Why, of c-course," he stammered, although his still racing heart said otherwise. "I... I thought you were injured." He quickly stood up, making Barbara jump a little. "I'll just... be in the backyard." He made an abrupt about-face and marched through the house, not stopping when Barbara called out to him.

He made it to the middle of the yard when his legs finally gave out, and Walt landed on his backside without a sound. He took several deep breaths, trying to clear his head. She's alright, she's okay, she's alright, she's okay. So why didn't he believe that?

-----

Walt was still in the backyard an hour later, sitting on the ground and staring up at the night sky. He didn't react when he heard the back door open and close behind him. Barbara approached him, and he caught the scent of her body wash in the air. She sat next to him and sighed, handing him a large wooden tankard full of green liquid. Glug. He still drank wine, primarily out of habit, but only the troll libation could get him drunk. Barbara took a sip of her own glass of Pinot Noir but didn't say anything for several minutes. Walt could still feel the fake blood on his hands, but he didn't have the desire to get up and wash it off. "So," she finally murmured. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He looked at his drink, not wanting to see her expression. Would she still look worried? Would she be angry? Would she think it was a joke? He took a sip and winced. He hated the idea of drinking something that another troll swam in, but he didn't have a choice. "I thought you were injured," he said weakly.

"Well, that is obvious," she replied. Walt glanced at her, and she was smiling, but it was a small thing, full of concern for him. "But it seemed like a strong response to a little situation."

"An overreaction?" he asked.

"Yes."

He took a deep breath and then let it out in an explosive sigh. He downed half of the tankard in one gulp before he responded. "The thought of losing you," Walt explained, "is unbearable." He was trying to keep his voice light and nonchalant like he wasn't talking about her death. "But the thought of losing you because I couldn't protect you..." He shook his head, making his horns cut through the air. "I'm sorry. I scared you."

Barbara moved closer, putting her arm around his and threading their fingers together. Walt felt himself relax. The thought of her being afraid of him was almost as unbearable as the thought of her leaving the mortal coil. "Here I thought I would get home, and it would be a funny story to share as we cleaned my car," she murmured, and he snorted in amusement. "I didn't think it would trigger some form of thanatophobia for you." Walt's smile died just as quickly as it formed. "So. How long have you felt like that?"

"Fearful of your passing?" he asked, and she hummed in response. "For several years now," he confessed.

"Oh, Walt," she whispered, rubbing her face into his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

They stayed still for several minutes, Walt just trying to stay in the moment. "It's silly, I know," he said. "Every couple has to deal with the death of one partner before the other one."

"It doesn't mean it will hurt any less," she replied. Walt just nodded in agreement. She sighed and got up, awkwardly holding her glass away from her body until she was vertical so it didn't spill. She downed the last of her wine. "Welp, I think I know what to do," she said, smiling. "Walt, I hereby give you permission to remarry when I'm gone."

Walt gaped up at her, probably looking like a fish out of water as he processed what she said. "You want me to replace you?!" he cried as he stood up.

"Not replace me," she said, smiling. "Because we both know you won't find anyone like me."

Walt snorted again and then laughed. "Bloody right, I won't," he said with a chuckle.

"But," she added, "I don't want you to spend the rest of your life wasting away without me." She put her glass in the grass and then hugged him tight. "I know it will hurt, and it may take a few decades, but you will love again, I know it."

Walt kissed the top of her head. Love again? After she was gone? No, he wasn't so certain of that. Who could compare to her? Her laugh, her love of puns? No, as long as he remembered her, he would love her. And no one could come close.

Walt blinked and then smiled to himself. Well, that was the solution, wasn't it? He would just have to remember her, and he would be strengthened by his memories of the love she had shown him in their life together. Death could take her, but death would not take his joy as long as she was in his heart. He sighed dramatically, and she looked up at him in curiosity. "Well, I may have thanatophobia, my dear, but I don't have hemophobia. Let's clean your car before the sun rises and bakes it into the paint."

"Those little assholes," Barbara growled, and Walt grinned. "You know, I think it was Steve's son who threw it."

"Mr. Palchuk?" Walt asked, and the doctor nodded as they made their way to the front of the house. "Well, that's good then. I'm his history teacher. I'll make sure he has scolionophobia before the year's out."

She laughed, and Walt felt lighter. Death would come, yes. Walt could not stop it. But death would not steal her away that easily.

#stricklake #trollhunters #tales of arcadia

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chaotic-on-main · 2 years ago

Text

Chapter 6: April

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k (huehue)

“Okay, okay. I know, you’re excited and want to see everything. But I didn’t get to bed until like 3 in the morning. So, excuse me if I’m exhausted.” They mumble before giving in to yet another big yawn. You roll your eyes at them. It’s not like this was sprung upon them last minute. After the conversation with Levi at the diner last month, it was all you could think and talk about. Well, not all. Your thoughts were clouded with more Levi than usual. He'd been much more open to you the past couple weeks than in the last 5 months combined. The progress was rocky, sure. But progress was still progress. Fortunately, Hange still hadn’t asked for any details of what happened that night, but she knew something was up. You fiddle mindlessly with your necklace at these thoughts, the one you haven’t taken off since it was put on by Levi.

“Oooh here come the men. Do you think they rehearse that walk when they’re together?” Hange laughs. Levi and Erwin slide into the back seat a few moments later and you turn around in your seat to greet them with a massive smile and wave. Levi’s deadpan expression doesn’t faze you - though were you able to read his mind, you would know his heart was beating faster than a racehorse the moment he woke up today. Erwin teasingly ruffles Hange’s frazzled hair and pats the top of your head gently. You wouldn’t say it to his face, but he radiated such ‘dad vibes. Not that it bothered you any.

The parade was as magnificent as the pictures online portrayed, maybe even better. There were floats of various themes that you had a lot of fun discerning while you jumped around in the crowd. You had decided your favorite out of all of them was the oceanic one. There were all sorts of tropical flora that formed the shape of a conch shell in the center, and it sat on a bed of beautiful blues and whites that formed into waves around it. You’ve never had the opportunity to go to the coast but seeing the float made you long for the sea in ways you’ve never had before. You hoped one day you’d get to go.

The second the last float drifted by, you wasted no time dragging your little group straight to the duck racing registrar. According to Levi, Jinae hosted this race as a fundraising event for the local orphanage in town. The premise is that people would pay for as many rubber ducks as they want for a certain amount of money and each duck had a number written on the bottom. Once everyone who wanted to enter did so, city officials then released all of the purchased ducks down the river to be collected at a certain point. Levi didn’t know of the specifics, but he said that eventually someone would fish them out at the designated finish line and people corresponding to the first 10 ducks that crossed would win a prize. It was the silliest thing you’ve ever heard of so naturally you brought money to participate.

Hange decided to start hosting weekly movie nights at your shared apartment and of course everyone was invited. As usual, your sister chose something "ironically hilarious", not without a mischievous cackle. Much to Hange’s disappointment but not surprise, you and Levi chose to spend that time playing cards and talking about the Sakura Festival at the dining table instead. With it coming up so soon, you had wanted to pick Levi's brain on what you should check out first. Levi said that it had been years since he last went, so he wasn't the best person to ask. But when you asked about the duck races, his usual stone-cold exterior softened. Levi didn't elaborate, but you could tell by the way his voice lightened that he was quite fond of the fundraiser. So, if Levi liked it, then so did you.

"Furlan just texted me to let me know he’ll be here soon. " Levi slides his phone into his back pocket as he speaks.

"Furlan's coming?" Hange asks as they snake an arm around your shoulders.

"Yeah, he kind of invited himself." Levi mutters.

"Hey, the more the merrier." Erwin chuckles behind Hange. You smile in agreement, but the subtle disappointment in Levi's tone doesn’t escape your ears.

"Well? Wanna try?" You shrug which Hange takes as an okay, a wild smile lighting up their face.

"Yes! Alright!! Levi, in you go!"

"Wha- like hell!"

"'Everything okay?" Erwin's voice comes muffled. He pops his head through the curtain, and his bright blue eyes land on your wide ones. If he was thinking anything, he gave nothing away.

"Yup almost... got it!" Hange yells in triumph as they press down on something. "Get ready!" There's a beeping coming from the corner of the booth that must be the countdown, but you can hardly focus on it. All you can think about is the way you fit on Levi's lap. Beep. How flush your body was against his chest that you could feel his racing heart, no doubt beating at the same speed as yours, against your back. Beep. His shallow breaths tickling the back of your neck as you clenched your hands into tight fists that rest on your thighs. Beep. Levi shifts under you, his leg jostling you for a moment. Beep. Your brain is foggy, clouded by Levi. Levi, Levi, all Levi.

"You okay?" Erwin steps up next to you, his voice laced with concern.

'Yeah, just really hot and stuffy in there.' You sign back, taking a deep breath. It wasn't a lie. But the way Erwin eyed you makes you feel like he knows something you don't.

"Alright, where to next!? We have plenty of time to kill." Hange exclaims.

The expression on his face would have been priceless had the clown been less horrifying. You give the clown a polite smile before gingerly grabbing Levi's hand, taking extra care of the missing digits, and dragging him away to a random direction within the crowd. He doesn't resist. He actually tightens his grip and pulls ahead so that he's the one leading. Taken aback by his sudden assertiveness, your heart does cartwheels. You're about to ask where he’s taking you until you see that he's pulling you in the direction of Hange and Erwin who are currently heading your way. His hand releases yours before reaching them, far too quickly for your liking.

“Shut up.” Levi flips Furlan off with a grumble.

“Sorry I’m so late. I slept in and then finding a parking spot was a nightmare! Where are we headed??” Furlan looks around your little group expectantly.

“Aw man, did I already miss the registration?” Furlan hangs his head low in disappointment.

“Well if you actually used the alarm function on your phone, you would have made it on time.” Levi retorts back dryly.

“That was very sweet of you.” Erwin whispers down to you as you all make your way to the finish line.

‘I didn’t want him to be left out.’ You sign back with a frown, and Erwin nods in understanding, a warm smile crinkling his eyes.

‘You okay?’ You sign to him, giving him a soft smile.

“They got winners!” Furlan yells out beside you, pointing down the river. There’s a crew holding up a green flag to signal the end of the race.

“Tch, I know what you’re doing.” He mumbles. He hesitates, then whispers a soft thank you.

Near the finish line was a sort of stage, something you suspect might be used for the live music later in the day. There was a man at the podium lining up the ducks as a crowd started gathering at the base of it, all ready and excited to see who the raffle winners were. You all decided to stick to the back because of how big the crowd was getting. After a moment, the announcer made a statement of where the winners needed to go to gather their prizes and then started listing off the numbers one by one. Unfortunately, no one in your group had a winning duck yet, though Levi never looked disappointed. In fact, he actually looked quite pleased that he hadn’t won anything.

“Aaand first place goes to… number 23!!”

“Well spit it out, what did you win!?” Hange asks eagerly.

“They’re airfare ticket vouchers! $500 each.” Furlan stands up straight with a huge smile.

“Each? How many did you get?” Erwin raises an eyebrow, curious now.

‘I can’t do that, you won them.’

“Tch, are we really okay with getting grass stains on our clothes?” Levi grumbles as he places his garbage on the pile of already accumulating trash sitting in the center of your small circle.

“You could always stand.” Erwin’s currently leaning against the tree, propped up on one shoulder as he sips his drink. His eyes light up at the sour expression he’s shot with.

“I’m sure your 5-step laundry system will get out any stains.” Furlan adds in with a chuckle. He pulls at his little dish of fries as he side-eyes you as you laugh along.

“That’s not the point, you idiots.” Levi mutters as he leans back against the tree next to Erwin and closes his eyes, crossing his arms against his chest as he does. Despite his terse words, he looks very relaxed. You don’t blame him. It was such a lovely spring day. A warm burst of air breezes through as if responding to your mental compliment. Smiling widely, you throw yourself backwards into the grass and stretch your limbs out. The sun filters through the trees onto your face and you close your eyes as well, relishing the warmth. Unbeknownst to you, Levi is cracking his good eye open to peek at the serene expression complimenting your pretty features.

You scramble to stand up and the goose’s head rises with you, never breaking eye contact. You take a couple tentative steps back. The wings had unfurled in a guarded, hostile stance - it seems you had made it mad. Every step back was not enough to distance yourself from it as it kept pace with you. You hear Levi and Furlan calling your name, but you don’t look over. You always laughed at the idea of geese, but now the source of terror stands right in front of you. The goose had its beak slightly open and you’re quick to spot rows of sharp teeth.

"Are you… okay?" He mutters hoarsely through gritted teeth.

'Me?! But you?!' You sign back, emphasizing your words with a bemused expression.

‘I’m sorry, I panicked.’ He waves his hand dismissively.

“What did the grass ever do to you?” You hear Levi joke next to you, his voice back to a normal octave and significantly less breathy.

‘Sure you’re okay?’ You glance over to him sheepishly, fiddling with a blade of grass in between your fingers. He meets your gaze.

“Are you two okay?!” You hear Hange screaming from the other side of the park, arms waving to get your attention. You shoot her two thumbs up.

The sun is just verging towards the end of the horizon the next time you’re conscious of the time. Oranges and pinks start to fill the sky. Somehow the day just slipped right by while you were all playing carnival games and jumping on the very questionable rides around the grounds. And it was all so fun. Your face ached from the contagious smiles and laughs that surrounded you. There was even a time where you had talked Levi into trying the absurd ice cream flavors from a stall suspiciously located all by itself off the beaten path. The glare full of daggers was resounding but he caved. It actually wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be, but he disagreed strongly.

‘Just a friend.’ Is all you sign back.

“There’s just a little more time before the fireworks go off. What now?” Hange calls out a few steps away, grabbing the men’s attention.

“It’s almost sunset! It’s the best time to check out the ferris wheel.” Furlan chips in.

‘Oh yeah, I’d love to check that out!’

“C’mon Jean, you gotta get over it sooner than later.” A closely shaven haired kid blurts out with a hard laugh.

A girl with red hair turns with powdered sugar all over her face and she’s mid chew, her eyes wide and expressive. “Deep fried Oreos.” Her voice is muffled by the food stuffed in her mouth.

That left you, Furlan, and Levi in one car. When you step in, the car wobbles ever so slightly and you have to grab on to the side to steady yourself. Someone places a hand on your back for support and when you glance back to see who it is, you see Furlan smiling up at you from the platform. You give him a nod of appreciation and turn to sit on one of the benches. The metal is cold even through your clothes and it makes you shiver. With the sun almost gone, the sky now a stunning mixture of blues and purples littered with pale stars, the air was getting cooler by the minute. Furlan settles himself in the spot next to you, shooting you a half-cocked grin. Levi gingerly sits himself down on the bench across from you and takes a moment to use both hands to massage the kneecap of his bad leg with a grimace.

'Okay?' Levi shifts his gaze up to you at the hand movement.

"Fine." You smile at him softly, but he's already looking off to the side at the man closing the car door.

"No need. You're okay."

'Leg? Okay?' You frown.

"Fine." That word again. “Just a lot of wal-"

"I bet they ran off to do something stupid." Levi mutters next to you.

"It’s almost your bedtime, old timer." Levi jabs. Furlan punches him in the arm with a wide grin.

"You're one to talk, grandpa. Anyways, where to now?" His bright eyes glance over at you.

‘I need something to drink.’ You sign lazily, increasingly aware of your parched throat with every step. Levi nods to you in understanding and starts making a path towards the vendors closer to the heart of the festival without a word. You’ve noticed in the past month or so that Levi had surprised you with his quick ability to pick up signs, even specific ones. Hange had made a comment about it a week ago but the way he brushed it off made you too nervous to talk to him about it, so you didn’t. You only wished you could have told him how much it warmed your heart to see him learning, whether it was on purpose or not.

“Thanks for the gratitude. Brat.” He drops your arm carefully.

‘Where’s Furlan?’ You stand on your toes to look over the crowd, but you don’t see your taller friend anywhere. The way Levi’s face falls at your question goes unnoticed.

“Why? I’m sure he’s off doing his own thing.” Levi scoffs. You frown at his sudden attitude, stealing a glance at his uninterested face.

‘He’s your friend, aren’t you worried?’ He rolls his eyes, which were currently lit up from your phone screen.

“You look miserable. Just take it.” You frown at him again.

‘You’re one to talk, grumpy.’ You sign at him but take the hoodie anyways.

Levi and you had found a spot under the trees, out of the crowd just like he wanted. People shuffle around as they find their own designated spot, all laughing and talking. The festival lights dance off the river’s reflection as it flows steadily and not a single cloud obstructs the sky. It was so peaceful, stunning even. But it was nowhere near as stunning as you were, leaning back to rest on your arms so you could stare up into the sky. It felt like every part of you overwhelmed his brain. The way his hoodie clung to your body, the way you looked at him, your stupidly sweet smile. The way his heart races any time he sees you let alone thinks about you. How could he not? Your eyes shift over to him, and he’s suddenly aware of his staring.

‘What?’ You sign to him. You’ve sat back up to stare at him, a perplexed expression across your face.

“Nothing. You just look relaxed.”

‘You?’ A frown replaces your smile.

“Me what?”

‘Happy?’ You stare straight into his eyes as you ask, searching. This prompts a signature Levi eye roll.

“I don’t know.” He glances back over to your face and the noticeable drop in your demeanor has him scrambling to recant his statement. “I think I am. It’s nice here, I guess.” With you. He rubs the back of his neck anxiously as he watches your face turn back into a big smile. With that you nod, satisfied with his answer, and lay back down against your forearms like you were before. Levi sighs under his breath and goes to do the same. But then he feels his hand grazing against yours, fingers lightly resting on top of each other, and an electrified shock passes from his arm all the way through his body. You don’t pull your hand away though, and neither does he.

“Yeah, where the hell did you both even go? And have you seen Furlan?”

“So, you ditched us to chase after someone?” Levi crosses his arms over his chest.

“What?”

“Tch, wouldn’t be the worst thing if that happened.”

“You jest but where would you be without your best friend? Probably in prison.”

“Whatever you say. Where are you then, if not dead?”

“Who?” Levi grumbles, pinching his lips together.

“You don’t know what you’ve seen.”

“So, it’s okay that I ask her out on a date then?” Silence. “That’s what I thought. Levi, you’re allowed happiness you know. Stop thinking something bad is going to happen.”

“Sure, but I doubt she feels the same.”

“You never know unless you ask. Anyways, I’m calling it. Talk to you soon, old man.” The line clicks and then he’s gone.

The night ended in quick goodbyes as everyone had work the next morning, besides you of course. After dropping the boys off, you made quick work of the drive back home. Your mind kept wandering back to the spot under the tree, where you’re certain you had almost kissed him. Wait, you almost kissed him. What is wrong with you, you chide yourself. You were just caught in the euphoria of the day, that’s all. You repeat that to yourself as you climb up the stairs to your shared apartment. Hange’s voice is dull against your raging thoughts, but you’re pretty sure they were still rambling about the person they met tonight. You go to unlock the door but are stopped mid-turn by Hange grabbing your hand to get your attention. Glancing over, you see a concerned look etched into their face.

“Are you okay?”

‘Fine.’ You unlock the door and push it open. ‘Tired.’ You yawn to emphasize, which really wasn’t a lie. Though your mind was far from tired, the events of today really wore you out.

“Hey, is that Levi’s jacket?” You glance down at the tight fabric around your torso. Shit.

‘Yeah, he let me borrow it. I completely forgot to hand it back to him.’

You snap to get your sister’s attention before signing, ‘I’m going to shower then bed. Let me know if you need anything.’

‘It’s not like that. Everything is fine.’ You offer a reassuring smile. Everything was fine, just confusing.

Back in your room, you empty the contents on your desk and grab what you were looking for; the film strip of the four of you. You focus on the last one as you lie back down on your bed, a blush creeping up your face while you stare. You press the photos to your chest again. There’s no mistaking it, there was something going on between you and Levi. Did he feel that too? How long were you both going to dance around the subject, you wonder. On the off chance you are completely wrong though, you decide it might be best to wait. Saying something now might ruin what you both have, and you were not willing to risk that friendship. With the smell of Levi pervading your senses, you’re lulled into a deep slumber. The thoughts of him swirl through your brain and turn into pleasant dreams.

bzzzzz

Levi: I hope my hoodie kept you warm, please take care of it. Sleep well.

☆AN ➼ Hey guys, thanks so much for sticking around!! I hope you enjoyed! Only two chapters left. whoo! ☆

☾ Previous Chapter: March

☾ Next Chapter: May

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solarmidnight · 2 years ago

Text

I think I understand Mikasa's choice now.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING OF ATTACK ON TITAN. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Some of you are gonna call me dumb for not figuring this out sooner. So be it.

So I reread the final volume again, trying to figure out why Mikasa's choice confused me. Initially, I hadn't even thought she'd been given any other choice. The story was pushing her heavily to kill Eren when she didn't want to, then it felt like a switch flipped and she decided that's exactly what she was going to do.

But as it turns out, she's Ymir Fritz's parallel.

There's a panel in the manga where Ymir kneels and comforts her daughters after King Fritz was murdered by the spear, essentially an "alternative ending" where she made a choice and stood her ground, choosing to live rather than sacrifice herself.

If Ymir had chosen not to lunge in front of that spear, there would be no more titans after her. She would have continued on, lived a longish life, and died without passing down her powers. Yes, Marley might have subjugated the Eldians, but they wouldn't have been "Eldians" as we know them to be. A lot of them might have been able to escape and blend into society. And, of course, Ymir's children would never have known the horror of having to eat their mother's corpse.

It's the correct choice.

Ymir ultimately chose wrong; she chose her misguided, underdeveloped sense of "love" for King Fritz. Also, her love for King Fritz is likely a connection born from having little to no affection whatsoever. All of her family was killed off when she was a little girl, it's highly unlikely that she truly remembers what it was like to be properly cared for. She lived her life trying to prove her use, picking up scraps of "affection" whenever it was discarded at her feet. It's not true love, but I guess there's just no good way of describing what it is.

Ymir's backstory is the lie that Eren feeds Mikasa about her own love, trying to tear her connection to him apart so that she can kill him when the time comes. He calls Mikasa a slave who was bound to him through her connection as an Ackerman (basically, mini sentient titans) and that she has no free will of her own and will throw her life away for him.

Mikasa is faced with the choice of not killing Eren. Not doing so means the remaining 20% of humanity outside Paradis is murdered. Letting Eren live leads to a fate far worse than if she allows him to die.

She comes to the same crossroads that Ymir arrived at 2000 years earlier. Let him live and doom humanity, or kill him and save it. Though it brings Mikasa great pain, she ends Eren's life, taking out the titan powers along with him.

Though personally I think the fact that Eren could not see past himself and into the future as foreshadowing Mikasa's choice; if the Attack Titan could see into the future, and Eren won, there would have been another inheritor of his titan. He would have been able to see the outcome of his choices, but he couldn't. The line ended with him.

----

Sorry if this was a mess, this is my 4AM epiphany written down with no real editing or coherency. Like I said, I just reread the volume and suddenly this angle made the most sense to me, and allowed me to view the ending in an entirely different light.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #ymir fritz #king karl fritz #eren yeager #mikasa ackerman #eremika

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lucaanis · 14 days ago

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💤🔺🐈🤍 hehe <3

THANK UU i need to talk about this weird little bird creachure. thanks for enabling me 🫡

💤 — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits?

I actually have this on my ongoing list of character notes that Lleyth is 100% a heavy sleeper. They are THE heavy sleeper. something could literally explode and they would still be honk shoo mimmimi. this is partly due to them having a tenuous connection to the fade when they sleep and also because they tend to stay up until dawn and then sleep all day. they also hate being woken up and are known for being mean if their sleep is interrupted (which, honestly fair, I get annoyed when I'm woken up and I'm fairly certain my consciousness stays in the same dimension I went to sleep in).

but also good luck trying to wake them up because sometimes they're really deep in there. varric and harding have both had to literally shake them awake before (which unfortunately gives them a heart attack and makes them mad), and they don't snore and breathe very quietly so sometimes people assume they've passed away. oops 😭

🔺— does your oc know how to use any weapons?

YES several. actually if there was ever a situation where they were asked to remove weapons, it would be like a 20 minute long process of them pulling out various hidden daggers, throwing knives, poison darts, and things that would make you think "where were they even hiding that?" (the timestamp 16:58 in this video is very accurate)

but their main weapon of choice is bow + dual swords, they're a classically trained archer, duelist & fencer :')

🐈 — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends?

I would say they prefer a few close friends, they're definitely introverted and weren't very close to anyone growing up so now they're not sure how to form close long-term relationships 😭 but if anyone puts up with them long enough to get past the fear of intimacy and deflection humor they will bond for life <3

🤍 — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

oooh okay lets see. I've been keeping a list of their positive and negative traits so this will be fun

they have a very high pain tolerance and bounce back from injuries pretty quickly. you could put this guy through a jet engine and they would somehow come out in one piece (albeit very visibly injured like a crumpled paper ball) and the jet engine would be broken. this is both a miracle and something that makes them a pain in the ass because they are a terrible patient and will complain about being forced to rest/patched up and WILL try to jailbreak themself from the infirmary if they've been kept there too long. whether or not this stems from a fear of intimacy + failure/appearing like they "couldn't handle" something is up for interpretation 😌 antivan crow trauma... yay

2. they are pretty much incapable of staying still. even standing in one spot is hard, they will constantly shift their feet or start bouncing/stretching or cracking their joints and everyone is like. hey buddy. what's going on in there. even if they're sitting still they're usually bouncing their leg or trying to contort themself into a very odd position on the chair (one that comes to mind is literally just. sitting on the couch upside down with their legs draped over the headrest). basically they are an object that exists in a state of perpetual motion and baffles psychologists everywhere

3. they can draw!! (i thought of this one last night actually hehe) they keep a journal to write in and they will annotate their entries with little sketches to keep their mind & hands busy. the drawings are actually quite good and nobody knows where they got the time to learn, and you wouldn't know this about them unless you went through their things because they never mention it. currently their journal has several lovingly rendered sketches of Lucanis which is. sickeningly sweet. as well as a sketch of what they imagine Spite might look like. and lots of other little things like birds and cats and anatomical notes of various creatures. but also very detailed depictions of Horrors they see in their dreams 😭

tysm for these they were fun to think about <3

#askbox #ask games #c: lleyth de riva #they are on my mind 24/7 lately bc if im not in love with my own ocs. then what was it all for....

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lizzieartsblog · 1 year ago

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The End Of The World

Characters Introduction

Sophie Turner (Soph/Saffi), age 21, was born on September 19th, 2001. Sophie married Joseph Turner (Joey), age 20, born on April 9th, 2002.

Sophie has long wavy dark brunette hair that frizzes out of control and forest green eyes that are hooded by thick eyelashes. Standing 5 feet and 2 inches tall, she has a dainty hourglass frame.

Joey has short light brown (almost dirty blonde) hair, which he keeps approximately 3 inches long at the top and faded on the sides. Joey slicks his curly brown hair back with a lightweight gel to keep it maintained throughout the day under his hat. Joey is 6 feet tall, with just the right amount of muscles that would make any girl swoon at the sight of him. He goes to the gym three times a week to stay within the weight regulations of the military.

Joey enlisted in the Marine Corps, where he believed it would be better for their relationship in the long run. Joey and Sophie have had a rough time in the first year of Joey's enlistment so far.

Prologue

It's 9:00 in the morning. Sophie is on a flight to stay with her grandmother while her husband is on deployment overseas. She paid extra for a window seat near the front exit of the plane. She usually falls asleep during flights, but she likes having the view.

When she looks out the window to her left, she sees clouds dancing over the mountains. Sophie imagines the clouds as an avalanche of snow rolling off the mountains onto the cities and towns below.

"We are halfway done with our five-hour flight, ladies and gentlemen..." The overhead announcement radio hisses to life. "Thank you for choosing us to fly with, and we look forward to seeing you again." The radio crackles and silence follows the soft sighs of the passengers.

Sophie closes her eyes and gets lost in thought, before drifting off to sleep for the rest of the flight.

Chapter One - Grandma's House

The taxi cab drives past old houses, once standing, which are now empty lots. Windows of buildings that used to be her favorite stores and restaurants are boarded up, and the aftermath of fires lingers around the town's perimeter. Charred trees and brown plants, once green and full of life, haunt the fields they used to thrive in. As they're driving through the town that Sophie used to call home, she has never felt more out of place.

As the Taxi rounds a corner and pulls into the driveway of her grandmother's house, she's overcome by a wave of nostalgia and the feeling of being home. Despite the change in the town, her grandmother's house is the same: blue-painted exterior, a small garden on the lawn just barely off the porch, and red rose bushes lining the windows.

Sophie thanks the driver through her exhaustion, while she grabs her suitcases and waves goodbye. The sun beats down viciously. As the driver turns around and leaves the gravel driveway, she pauses to take in her childhood home once more before heading inside, thankful to be done with the trip.

The door is unlocked. As she walks in, the smell of champagne and toasted marshmallows fills her with comfort. The house is quiet and empty, the only sound is the clock that's mounted on the wall in the living room, ticking continuously.

"Grandma?" Sophie calls out. No response. She heads to the guest room and drops her suitcases on the bed, and makes her way to the kitchen. The hallway is brightly lit with sunlight cutouts on the roof. The house is deeply cleaned and looks barely lived in, like a magazine cover. The kitchen, beautifully minimalistic, has the same appliances and shelves as it did when Sophie lived here 13 years ago. Plants line the windowsill and a bowl of fruit sits neatly on the handmade wooden table near the entrance.

While exploring, Sophie finds a note by the fruit bowl on the wooden table, left by her grandmother.

"Welcome home, honey. I'm sorry I couldn't be here in person today, something came up and I left right before you were supposed to get here. I will be home before dark. Love, grandma."

Sophie sighs and heads back to the guest room to get some much-needed rest.

Sophie is suddenly awoken by the sound of static and a loud bang outside. Groggily, she stretches out of the warm bed and stumbles to the light switch on the wall. The light flickers to life. Her gaze wanders to the window, the inky blackness outside gives her an eerie feeling.

She walks through the dark hallway to the living room, her path being illuminated by the TV static on the screen.

"Grandma?" Sophie calls out. Her grandmother was supposed to be home before dark, maybe she didn't want to wake her up after such a long trip... but that noise outside was concerning. No response.

The clock reads 11:40 pm. It's nearly midnight. If her grandmother had gotten home hours ago, she would have heard the front door open. Searching the house, Sophie finds no sign of her grandmother, and her worry is increasing. As her head is spinning with possible explanations, the TV flips through channels on its own.

Sophie finds the remote and presses the power button, but the TV continues to act on its own. She mashes the buttons, pressing 'guide'. The TV lands on a news channel.

"... the lights are just floating there- in the sky- there's no explanation for this from the United States Government just yet. Oh. Wait just a second. I'm getting word right now- they're saying there's no cause for alarm- but stay indoors. Close your windows. Lock your doors- turn all your lights off-"

Sophie stares at the TV in amazement, unsure of what to think. This has to be a joke, right? No cause for alarm, but don't go outside? It looks like they're alarmed to me.

As she's watching the news reporter anxiously list off rules, the phone rings. She cautiously answers it.

"Hello?"

"Where is your grandmother?" The line clicks and the caller hangs up.

"... the United States Military is being sent to the site of the crash- there's helicopters and jets flying over the city right now-"

Joey! Sophie grabs the phone and dials her husband's phone number, it rings a few times, and the line drops. She dials again, and again, each time there's nothing but beeping over the line. There's no connection.

"... a missile- a bomb- from space?! Being sent from space! The government is- your family- this is the end- everybody-"

The TV glitches and the screen turns to static again.

Sophie runs to the guest room and packs a bag, her grandmother is still gone. I need to find her. She breathes heavily, throwing clothes into a backpack. I don't want to be alone.

She takes a deep breath and heads out the front door.

#story #fiction #based on true events #writing scifi #scifi #preview #rough draft

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dzpenumbra · 2 years ago

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1/29/23

For the sake of catching up on sleep, I'll try to keep this brief. I woke up after 6 hours of sleep. Max hadn't eaten any of her dinner. I had 3 cans of her prescription food left. I felt really unsure of what to do... I had just thrown away an entire can of this food and I am not sure if it's set to auto-refill or what. I have no idea with all this like... tech shit. My vet has an app and everything. They just kinda treated me like I would know what to do or something? I don't know. And last time, it took a while for them to get the food in stock... So... I called the vet to check in with them on what I should do.

I tried to fill the person on the phone in with the situation, I guess it's a bit complicated? She hasn't eaten more than a few bites in 48 hours. Puked twice yesterday. Running low on food. Don't know if they're going to order my prescription food like they did last time. Don't know if I'm ordering this expensive food at all because I'm still waiting to hear her test results... Not the simplest situation in the world.

They put me on hold for a minute, came back and said my test results have come back, but the doctor hasn't looked at them yet... And, because of the puking, they sent me to Urgent Care and sent her paperwork over there.

I got dressed as quickly as possible, skipped showering got her in the crate and zipped over. That, in itself, was a big accomplishment for me. I get pretty self-conscious about leaving the house without showering. I didn't used to, but it been a thing the past 5 years or so. And I'm very like... I have to be 100% for driving. I get very paranoid about that. Between focus stuff, and astigmatism fucking with light sensitivity and all that, I just really... I like to be 100% for it. I take it very seriously, and it kinda upsets me how many people don't really respect how life-or-death driving is... then will treat you like a war criminal for smoking a cigarette 20 feet away from them. It's like... mind-numbingly stupid. Like... it makes me lose hope in our ability to reach our potential as a species when I see that shit. It's just another reminder that we're still just like prehistoric apes, we've just got really fancy gadgets and lots of fancy, complicated sounds we can make. Anyway, bonus points for just tossing my contacts in, throwing on some clothes and just bee-lining to the Urgent Care.

The Urgent Care was right around the corner from a spot where I actually turned around when I missed my exit when I was on the phone with my Mom on one of my moving runs. Like I had turned around in the parking lot right next to this place. So I knew exactly where it was. I got her in and we sat in the waiting room in silence, no headphones, just lo-fi piping in over the speakers, for about... I don't know... close to an hour, I would guess? I lose track of time with stuff like that, it gets a bit meditative in weird ways. It brings me back to days when I would sit in doctors office waiting rooms before we all had smartphones, and you'd just... find things to hold your attention. Try not to get lost in anxiety spirals.

This woman came out with a female dog who was visibly struggling. She was around my age, maybe a bit older. She seemed... very stressed, but very emotionally disconnected. Like... kinda numb, I guess? And sounded... almost a bit annoyed. Maybe that's just how she processed the intensity of the situation she was in, I don't know. She was on the phone right next to me, talking about how she needs to bring her dog to a neurologist. The poor dog was very unstable on her back legs, they kept wobbling and it looked like she couldn't really hold her weight, and her tail kept tucking between her legs. And she had that kinda... intense, almost manic old dog stare and smile thing going on. I think that look is a lot of pain, but I'm kinda speculating. And I tried to send some good vibes her way when she brought her attention around my way, without like... inviting her over. I would've loved more than anything to just give that poor dog some love at a scary time, but I had a cat crate on my lap and that would've been just... bad news for everyone. The situation brought me to tears, like actual tears streaming down my face. Just kinda... being what I called in reflection on it later "compulsively compassionate". Sharing that emotion. Maybe reliving my version of it. That was probably a big part of it. There were a lot of fleeting thoughts like that, like "last time I had an urgent visit, I left without a pet." I struggled with that the first visit with Max after my dog died. It took a few visits to get over that hump. It's pretty crazy to see how much progress I've made.

That sadness and grief wave passed when the woman with the dog left, and I moved my attention back to the present with my cat. She was very scared. We finally got into the vet office and the nurse was very nice. Like, she was obviously overwhelmed and tired. The place was like a revolving door of people with pets, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to work there. I... am not cut out for that kind of work. AT ALL. Way too emotional, too empathetic. This woman was nice, she was a good mix of... assertive in what information she needed, but also receptive to the context I was giving with my exposition. Like... a lot of people in urgent or emergency offices just take immediate control, so if you sound like you're going on a tangent or something, they just talk over you and shut you up. She seemed to be able to tell that all the information I was giving, while it may not seem immediately relevant, was all relevant. I warned that Max can be difficult when she's not sedated and told her to treat me a like a vet tech and I could help her get what she needed done. It went pretty smoothly.

The nurse, no clue if that's her real title, what the fuck ever... came back after running the situation by the doctor, she brought a bill estimate to me. It was over $1000. Radiology, blood work, etc. They were very thorough. I looked at it a bit baffled, but... I mean... what am I going to do? Part of me wanted to just say "where do I sign?", but I actually engaged with it and asked about the blood work. Like... she literally just got blood work done 2 days ago. Poor thing. So I asked them to... keep that in mind and see if the blood work she just got done was good enough, with that off the bill it would cut the cost almost in half.

What came next was... torturous. Sitting in the waiting room with my girl is not hard for me. It's tedious, but not torturous. Hearing animal screams from the other side of the walls? Hearing my cat's screams that I can very clearly discern is her voice, and not be able to do anything? That was actual Hell. That was just... fuck. That's gonna haunt me. And, looking at her now, completely on edge and staring at the front door all night as people parade up and down the halls (kids must be coming back from winter break or something, idk)... that's probably gonna haunt her, too.

I distracted myself by finally pulling out my phone and browsing Reddit. I found a post on a subreddit dedicated to meeting people over the age of 30, and it was some chick in Australia. She seemed nice enough, attractive, my age, into kinda artsy hippie shit it seemed, but the real standout was mentioning ADHD. So I said "fuck it" and wrote her a message. Why the hell not. What do I have to lose, I just get... ignored? Again? Like the last 3 times I did that? Because I'm one of like 200 men sending messages to this poor woman, and she has to dig through piles of dick pics and bullshit. It's such a different set of problems for women, it's crazy. I really do feel for them, but I hope they can understand how fucking powerless and hopeless it can feel when your shot is like... it feels like buying a lottery ticket or something, you know? And it's hard to not see that biological parallel there too, like sperm vs. eggs. Like men have to innately compete in a swarm kind of setting and luck plays a massive role, even above credentials or compatibility. And women have to deal with being swarmed, harassed, often predated, and deal with the pressures of... choosing correctly. No one has it easy.

So yeah, I put a lot of effort into that message and sent it from my main account, that has a whole bunch of posts in like... mental health support group forums and shit telling my story. I never deleted any of it. I still challenge myself every day to keep that stuff on my account, to just... make myself be okay with my story. And to trust, to have faith, that the people who accept me for who I am and what I've been through are the real ones, and anyone who's going to judge me because of what I've been through and not on who I currently am... speculate on who I might be because of that, and jump to conclusions? They can just naturally filter themselves out. I really feel like I need to be okay with that again. It's been so long since I've had that mindset, like... I haven't had that mindset since before I came off meds. Since like... probably 2016ish? I miss that feeling of liberation so much. I had a little flash of it in 2019, but it got stomped out by others very quickly and aggressively.

It's a tough tightrope to walk. Caring. I want to care about peoples' feelings, be attentive to them, keep their experience and their comfort level at the front of my mind. To be thoughtful and kind, compassionate. But at the same time, I can't comfortably be myself if I am... censoring, hiding or changing parts of myself in order to not offend the judgement of those around me. I mean, I can't really be myself at all in that environment, right? That's just... shaping my personality to whatever is non-threatening to a person that is controlling that environment, right? That shit ain't healthy. So... I do need to be mindful of that, and try to avoid people who make that a habit... or a lifestyle... It's really sickening how that... judgement and control and forced conformism through like... threats of looming bad things on the horizon... is like... fashionable right now? You know? Like cancel culture and all that. "Do what I agree with or else I will consider you an active threat to me and I will incite a mob and retaliate." "Justice". That thing. I remember talking about that in one of my therapy hikes back in the height of the pandemic. We were pretty high up on a hike going to a waterfall, we never made it there, it was spring and there was tons of mud, I remember it very vividly. I was struggling to find the word I was looking for. I was trying to communicate what I was afraid of, and that that fear was less about Judgement... and more... what people do with judgement. The act of acting on their judgement. And, I guess that's Justice. Whether it's like... empirically just or not... Acts of Justice. You know? The lengths people will go to in order to correct what they feel is something "wrong" in the world. And in some cases, I get it. I guess. It's a tricky issue. Eye for an eye seems popular, historically. But like... it seems like people are just fucking obsessed with it nowadays. "That dude cut me off in traffic, I need to make sure he knows how wrong that is." "This person has different political opinions than me, they need to be educated." Shit like that. It's... terrifying. Like, some of the worst shit in the history of humanity has been done under the pretense of Justice. So... just... as a plea from one soul out to the universe, please try to Peter Parker this shit - With great power comes great responsibility - and just... be responsible. Think it through.

How the fuck did I get on that?! XD Caring. Being compassionate. And that line between being kind and caring and catering to others... and being someone who conforms and yields, and even changes their standards of what they deserve. I think us PTSD folks can tend to fall a bit further on the yielding side (trust me, not always). It feels "safer", "conflict-avoidant". I promise that's typically just a feeling. That's a big part of the work I'm doing right now. Understanding that learning survival techniques to be able to live as a feral human amongst wolves is an interesting and admirable talent, but like... do I really want to live with wolves? Is that a life that will make me happy? Is that the life I want? And if not, what other options do I have? And how do I get there? That shift is starting to happen more and more, to actually... reclaim control of my life, rather than just take the scraps I am given and float on the wind. Which is super hard with the cocktail of mental health shit I've got going on, but is definitely noticeably different as far as quality of life goes when I have the clarity to zoom out a bit and see it. That nasty thing depression and trauma can do, where they kinda just convince you "these are the cards you're dealt, make it work." As though there aren't more cards out there.

So, my gigantic tangent comes full-circle. I decided to reach out to another person on the other side of the planet. Warts and all. I told her I am an artist and a musician, gave some nutshells on stuff I've been working on, shared my mental health connection there and how I'm hoping to try ADHD meds in the next coming weeks for the first time, and how I'm familiar with how much ADHD can fuck with your life. I emphasized how much work I've been putting into emotional processing and expression, given that I'm a sensitive person and that makes that work a very high priority for me, and communicated that I was really proud of my progress and honored to actually get to a stage with it where I've felt comfortable sharing the tips that I've learned with others. I sent it. Barely even hesitated. If it doesn't work out, her loss. If it does, there's a big spectrum of different things that can come from this. An infrequent pen-pal. A friend. A partner. Who knows. And if we do connect, I have every intention of just letting it be what it is.

This isn't the first time I've gotten this big wave of confidence in January/February. I've gotten this a bunch of times around this time of year. Weird...

So... all this was while I was waiting for the doctor to come back and tell me how my cat was doing, after hearing her scream in pain and terror from the other room and not being able to do anything about it. Kinda mixed feelings, eh? XD The doctor came in and... she was... I was having trouble reading her. She seemed like... almost like she was about to cry or something. I don't know. Maybe she had allergies? It was very confusing, and as she was talking I actually got self-conscious about like... being some kind of conductive source of emotions and that I was like... projecting these difficult emotions into her. A bit out there, I know, but... you never know. I get second-hand emotional overwhelm all the fucking time. But yeah, that distraction aside, Max was fine. Gas. Seriously. And the worst part? I've been to Urgent Care and the ER and lots of doctors over very similar and in some cases, identical shit. Actually, come to think of it, my situations were way worse than hers. Like people stuck fucking cameras up my ass and everything, she just got blood drawn, an ultrasound and fluid injected into her so she could rehydrate. So, I mean she had no idea what was going on, so that element is huge. But like... sorry kitty, I've got you beat on unnecessary medical trauma. XD That thought hit me very quickly when the doctor was talking to me, and I immediately flashed back to my own experiences and then returned. And my whole demeanor changed. I just beamed out "no news is good news", you know? And maybe the doctor was expecting me to be upset that I just spent like $1000 for an urgent care to tell me my cat has gas? But here's what made it absolutely worth it.

They went ahead and ran the blood panels again, just in case. And this doctor actually went over the blood panels we got done on Thursday with me! Which was awesome. So her thyroid levels have evened out! But her kidney values were a little fucky. However... the test they did tonight? Her kidney values leveled out. So she was actually doing a bit better now than a few days ago. I was, by far, most concerned with the kidney/thyroid shit. Not eating, puking, lethargy... that's like the beginnings of organ failure. I've seen that a few times, with my ex's dog and with my own dog. With my dog, she just didn't want to eat a banana one morning, then just laid down on a mattress and didn't want to get up. 24 hours later, she was gone. So, like... I pay attention to that shit with older pets. I am perfectly comfortable paying that much money out of my parents' pockets to make sure my cat is not dying. And, at this point, we can consider that compensation for hanging up on me and ghosting me for a week. Again. Not getting into that shit tonight.

I was given some anti-nausea meds for her, and some GI-health food of the same brand that she's been eating. I guess with her thyroid levels balancing out, they thought it would be okay for her to break the diet a bit. They gave me like 5 cans of that, which bailed me out a bit. So we just hopped back on the highway and back home we got. She immediately started eating the new food when we got home, so... that worked. I don't know if it was gas or stress or what, maybe she just has the same problem I have... super slow digestion because of constant stress and trauma? Who knows. But I do feel like I made the right call today, expensive as it may have been. I would not have been able to live with myself if I didn't play it safe with an elderly cat who already has preexisting organ issues. Plus, I love her and want the best for her, so there's that too...

I spent a good chunk of the night in the comfy chair with the intentions of spending some quality time with her, but she wouldn't come and chill with me. She's still on alert. Poor thing. Hopefully tonight we'll get to cuddle up some and bond a bit. I just want her to feel loved and safe, after what she went through. I have a fountain on the way from amazon for her, but I still wanna do even more nice things for her. She's well earned it.

Bed time. So far beyond exhausted. Goodnight.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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chucksfavouriteprophet · 3 years ago

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The Girl Can Bite Too, You Know - Part 3

Dean Winchester x (Female) Reader

Summary: While trying to keep your business afloat, you get caught in the crossfire of a Winchester hunt and have no choice but to get involved. Some time after your first run-in with the boys, you unexpectedly meet again and they are shocked to see how things have changed.

Warnings: Some slight violence but practically nothing, this is just a little filler before the big stuff gets going.

Word count: 2,609

| Part 1 | Part 2 |

- One Year Later -

The past few weeks had been tedious for Dean, and he was dying to get out of the bunker and find a bar. Problem was, both him and Sam were on the run from the police again, meaning they couldn't exactly show their faces in any old joint.

"C'mon man, one night isn't gonna hurt," Dean begged his brother. "I'm sick of this cheap whisky and no offence, but you're not really the type I would usually choose to chat up."

"Ew Dean, gross," Sam grunted, screwing up his face and shaking his head. "Look, I know you've got itchy feet so I've been doing some digging myself. Garth suggested some roadhouse a few towns over; he's never been but he's heard it's pretty quiet and seems to be a haunt for local hunters. If you're that desperate, why not give that place a try?"

Dean frowned. "Theres a roadhouse a few towns over? You sure, Sammy?" Sam shrugged and held up his hands defensively.

"Hey, I'm only the messenger. You think Garth's having you on?"

It was Dean's turn to shrug now. "No, but I find it hard to imagine there would be a sweet little hunter base just down the road that we haven't discovered yet, don't you?"

Sam turned back to the computer, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know man, like I said, it's meant to be pretty lowkey. Plus, we have kinda been a preoccupied lately so I wouldn't be surprised if slipped past the radar - hey!" He jumped as the laptop lid came slamming down, narrowly missing trapping his fingers.

"Saddle up baby brother, it's time to go get us a proper drink." Dean spun round, flinging his jacket round his shoulders before throwing Sam's in his direction. Sam shook his head with a chuckle. If he was being honest with himself, he too had felt cooped up in the bunker and was interested in getting to know some other local hunters if possible. Moments later, the bunker was plunged into darkness, the only sound being Baby as Dean wheel-spun her out of the garage. Foot on the gas, AC/DC blaring from the radio, the brothers drove with the windows down, enjoying the cool September air. Living in a windowless underground bunker always made them appreciate fresh air when they could get it. Sam related Garth's directions to Dean, and within 20 minutes they were tumbling down an unmade road just out of town.

"Damn, no wonder we never found this place. Someone needs to relay this road." Dean grumbled, taking it slow so not to damage the Impala's suspension. Sam glanced nervously out the window, starting to question if in fact Garth had been having them on. This place was deserted, nothing in sight.

"Dean, look. There." He motioned forward, pointing at an old wooden sign standing at an angle to the side of the road. There was no writing on it, just a symbol - what appeared to be a devils trap in a circle with a diagonal line through it.

"No demons," chuckled Dean. "Very clever signage." He took a sharp right at the sign, tumbling down a windy lane that was hidden from the main road by bushes. It wound round to the left, coming parallel with road they had previously been on, before opening up into a large square area of gravel lit by a low floodlight. The lot was busy with trucks and vans, some of which Sam and Dean recognised as belonging to fellow hunters. They swung in a space towards the back, climbing out and taking in their surroundings.

The parking lot was positioned behind a square wooden building, painted jet black, with heavy blinds across the windows that did well to dim the lights that were on inside. A path ran round to the other side of the building, which showed the reminisce of an old, smaller parking area with access directly off the main road. However, it was clear to see this was no longer used; the potholes were treacherous and branches covered the track to prevent anyone from entering from the original route. Dean paused for a second, glancing up at the front of the dark building.

"Hey, you recognise this place?" He questioned his brother. "I feel like we've been here before."

Sam was focusing intensely on the big oak door positioned in the centre of the building. "I know what you mean." He replied, head tilted slightly. "I know this door from somewhere. But it can't be - that place was way easier to get to, we didn't have to stumble down some civvy-proof track. Plus, the place I'm thinking of wasn't a hunter's bar, it was just an ordinary joint."

Dean shrugged. "Maybe it changed. C'mon, lets go see, it's clearly busy." He pushed past his brother, opening the heavy door inwards and stepping into the warm room, aroma filled with burgers and beer.

"Hey, what was that place called again?" Sam questioned behind him. "Someone's bar, wasn't it? A girl's name, Sally's, or Abby's maybe..."

"Y/N's." Dean breathed, frozen to the spot. A space before him at the bar had just cleared, and he saw you immediately. You hadn't changed; still the same confident body language, hair tied back messily, towel thrown across your shoulder, just like you had been the night you'd met.

Sam chucked. "I don't believe it! Y/N, hey!" He made his way straight towards the bar, Dean following him awkwardly a few steps behind.

You paused when you heard the voice, your back to him as you mixed a drink behind the bar. No, it couldn't be. Surely not. After all this time, all this effort...they were back. You gulped, grasping the glass tighter to stop your fingers trembling so visibly as you turned around.

"Well well well, if it isn't Agents Slovak and Kiedis. Hows the latest album coming along, boys?" You grinned, trying not to make your awe show. A year, it had taken them to walk back into your bar. Or rather 12 months, 4 weeks and 3 days, but who was counting? They hadn't changed much; sure, Sam's hair seemed a little longer, but he was still staggeringly tall and gawky. Dean didn't look any different, although his eyes did seem more serious now, and they'd both earned a few more scars since you'd last seen them. You wondered what sort of horrors they'd seen in the past year, and had to shove away the urge to leap over the bar and embrace them tightly.

Dean had shaken himself clean of his shock by now, and pulled up a stool to sit besides his brother. "Wow Y/N, I like what you've done with the place. That new parking lot grew a bit, huh?"

You smiled at him as you fixed them a drink. "Yeah well, you two opened my eyes to a new kinda clientele, so this ones on the house. Since I started catering for hunters businesses really picked up, but I gotta keep this place a little more subtle now, see." The boys thanked you for their drinks as you moved to top up the empties that had been pushed towards you by your other regulars.

"Yeah, well you're doing a great job at that. We can't believe we didn't know about this place until now." Sam laughed and you shrugged, glancing down at your feet. Dammit Y/N, how long had you waited for this day, and now you were acting like a complete fool?

Dean took a glimpse round the joint, trying to remember back to what it was like that day they'd busted those werewolves. The layout was pretty much the same, with a few more tables thrown in the mix, but the lighting was darker and more pictures were up on the walls. By the door there was a wooden board with initials etched all over it carved with a knife.

"You'll have to add yourselves to that," you nodded in the direction he was glancing in. "It's custom. Every new hunter to drink here has to make their mark." Dean gave you a grin before downing the rest of his whisky. "Hey, you still got those friends of yours out back?" He queried. You rolled your eyes as you gave him a refill. "They even got headstones now. Real talking point in the smoking area, I tell you. Old Robbie over there even made me plaque for them at Christmas." The brothers chuckled, struggling to get their heads around how much you'd changed. Sure, they'd been pleasantly surprised at how well you taken to learning about the supernatural, but they never expected you to make a living out of it as well.

It wasn't long before you had to excuse yourself to tend to other customers, refilling drinks and entertaining their classic manspreading banter. Sometimes you wondered if it was worth hiring some more bartenders to help with the load, but every time you decided it wasn't worth it. You'd have to explain what these people did in order for them not to freak out whenever a regular came in busted from a fight, and there was no way you'd try keep it a secret from anyone. Part of the appeal of Y/N's Bar was the fact that no one had to keep their life a secret. Hunters could come for a drink and catch up with each other, sharing their latest hunts and interests without worrying the wrong ears might overhear. Besides, most of these guys were rowdy men who needed to let their hair down. Not many girls would be able to bat off the misogynistic comments and remarks as easily as you could.

Meanwhile, Dean couldn't keep his eyes off you. He was dying to know more - how had you managed to find out so much about the hunting world? Had something else happened after him and Sam had left? If so, why hadn't he heard from you? Sure, they'd only been living in the bunker a few months now, but how come he hadn't realised how close it was to this place? The elder Winchester couldn't stop wondering as he stood alongside his brother making general chit chat to the other hunters, some of whom he'd met before, others who he'd heard about, and some new rookies who were delighted to finally get to meet the famous Winchester brothers.

The conversation was much the same for you. As the bar filled up, everyone wanted to know how you knew Sam and Dean, and couldn't help but share the rumours they'd heard about them. You smiled through gritted teeth, willing them to shut up and just leave. Truthfully, you wanted everyone to leave, except the brothers. I mean, that was the reason why you ran the place like you did, right?

"Pull yourself together, girl," you mumbled to yourself. Glancing up you caught the eye of the huge portrait of your Dad, still hanging in it's central place above the bar. The one man who had been through it all with you, even if only in spirit. "Don't worry Pop, I'm not gonna let myself go all stupid over two stupid boys. I promise." Taking a deep breath, you turned back around just in time to catch Dean gazing over at you. Catching his eye, you blushed, giving him a nod before carrying on with your job. Dammit, why did you have to be so damn awkward all the time?

Weirdly, Dean felt the same way. Usually chatting up girls was a walk in the park for him, but there was something about you that intimidated him. Maybe it was the casual way you'd managed to turn your bar into a hunters haven right under his nose, or maybe it was just the stunningly sexy and confident way you carried yourself. He threw back another glass of liquid sprit before leaving his brother engrossed in conversation with another local hunter and slid round the bar towards you. "Old man still standing strong, I see," he lent on the table behind you, shrinking back slightly as he made you jump.

"Oh yeah, haha," you mumbled clumsily, trying to recompose yourself. "I don't know what he'd think about me opening up his old place to a bunch of supernatural hunters, but I like to imagine he'd think it was entrepreneurial or something." You dodged round Dean with your head down, not trusting yourself not to glance up into those shockingly green eyes you remembered all too well. If you did, you were afraid you'd never look away. You moved back round behind the safety of the bar as Dean moved with you, pivoting to perch in front of you.

"So, you hunt now too?" He questioned, making you snort with laughter.

"God no. I just monetise the alcoholism that comes with the job." You gave him a quick wink, glancing away swiftly. Do not make eye contact Y/N, you repeated to yourself.

"That's a safe bet," Dean replied. He was about to continue when a raucous behind caught his attention, as well as everyone else's at the bar. Across the room, a burley hunter had pushed another back into the table, sending beer glasses shattering on the ground and a chair to topple over dramatically. He grabbed the other man by the shirt collar, pulling him up onto the table and raising a fist. Dean immediately went to lurch towards the fight, but he was beaten to it. Before the chair had even hit the ground you'd made it across the room in two long strides, twisting the arm of the burley man and pinning him against the wall with a knee to the balls. The man cried out in pain, collapsing in on himself.

"That's your final warning, Frank. I want you out of my bar in 30 seconds, and I don't want you back until you've killed at least three rugarus. You need to get that violence out of your system, and I ain't gonna have you do that by messing up your fellow hunters in my joint." You scooped up the empty glass and threw the truck keys from the table over your shoulder to land as his feet. Dean nodded slowly at you with a grin on his face as you walked back round the bar.

"Wow, that was impressive. You practically flew across the room there. Nice moves, too."

You shook your head as you started washing out the glass. "Dude, I'm a lone girl working in bar that attracts predominately anger-fuelled men. I can handle myself pretty neatly. The girl can bite too, you know."

"Damn straight you can," Dean remembered back to that night with the werewolves. Even now he was still impressed with the way you held your own when faced with a gang of greedy pups.

He spent the rest of the night quietly observing you, while you did the same. After last orders, he and Sam hugged you goodbye, passing on their phone numbers in case you ever needed anything. Dean was pretty sure you wouldn't, but it still made him feel better. The drive back to the bunker was peaceful, the trip out having fulfilled its purpose. Sam had enjoyed chatting away with other hunters and was elated to tell Dean about the latest news he'd caught up on. Dean was just happy at the warm feeling spreading through his chest at having seen you again. For different reasons, they were both sure Y'N's Bar was about to become their regular place.

| Part 4 |

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #spn x reader #supernatural #spn #sam winchester #sam and dean #dean winchester x y/n #spn fic #sam winchester x reader #dean x reader

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myafterlifeisbetterthenyours · 4 years ago

Text

OBSESSIVE STOLAS X Male Imp Pt.3

(This is a long fanfic and will consist of multiple parts.)

You continued your rhythm, hands roaming his body. Stolas was getting close.

His breathing became shallow, moans became more lewd.

The way you held him so close, the warmth you gave him just intensified the pleasure you were giving him.

Stolas was in a daze, pleasure numbed his brain. Pleasure gripped his mind, stopping him from thinking about anything but the pleasure you were bringing him.

Stolas was getting close, trying to speak only came out as drunken moans.

You were both close and you both knew it.

Squeezing him close you began intensifying your thrusts, hands grabbing him rougher.

You were getting so close, you bit your tongue focusing on the pain to last as long as possible.

But no matter how hard you tried to hold back, you reached your peak, exploding in the owls sopping cavern. Feeling this sent Stolas over the edge.

Stolas released a high pitch squeal.

Not wanting uninvited listeners to hear your bedmate, you reach forward and pull the prince into a deep kiss, muffling the squeal.

The two of your remain in that state for several moments. Breaking the kiss, you fall limp against the princes chest.

Stolas rested his arms around your back, pulling you close as you both basked in the afterglow.

While you were very content with the idea of just laying with this very warm, feathery pillow for the next few hours.

The sudden slamming of a door and Blitzø screaming 'Fuck!' snapped you both out of our pleasant haze.

Looking up at Stolas, you found him looking just as panicked as you felt. You both scrambled off each other, desperately trying get your clothes on.

Stolas scrambled in kind, desperately trying to get his clothes on. Though unfortunately for him he'd earlier scattered his clothes across the room.

Finally getting your clothes on properly, you found Stolas still in a state of undress.

He'd gotten his upper layer on but still lacked his pants and cloak.

Looking around, I found the cloak besides the door. Rushing over i grab the fur collared cloak.

Bringing it back to the prince, he quickly put it on, giving me a quick thanks before dashing around, looking for his pants.

Looking around, you found Stolas' pants under the conference table.

Grabbing them you quickly handed them to the avian prince. Stolas snatched them from your hands before beginning the awkward process of pulling them up his long legs

He'd gotten them up about half way when the distinct sound of Blitzø trudging towards the door drew both of our attention.

We both stared at the door, listening as Blitzø stamped his way towards us. Stolas was in the early stages of a panick attack, as stolas leaned back against the conference table, watching the door with frozen dread.

Blitzø's heavy steps stopped before the door, the silence hung in the air like a scythe drawn back and ready to cut us both down.

You both began to panick before a booming sneeze rang out, Blitzø mumbled profanity before continuing past the door.

Stopping by the office's entrance he called back '(Y/N) lock the place up will ya, I need a fuckin drink.'

Without waiting for a response Blitzø slammed the front door and like that, we were alone.

You looked up at the prince, he looked back at you. You stared at each other for a few moments before you cracked a smile.

You began a hearty chuckle, laughing at how tense you'd both gotten only to be completely alone again.

Stolas pulls his pants up, before joining you in your little laugh. Walking over you sat up next to the prince. The two of you falling into a pleasant silence.

Stolas slipped his hand into yours, before bringing your hand onto his lap.

Stolas was in a strange state of mind, he had been emotionally shattered, and now he felt... happy.

For the first time in years he wasnt filled with anxiety.

Sitting there he slid his arm around you waist, before pulling you into his lap.

You nestled into his lap, enjoying his embrace as he ran his hand over your body.

I leaned into the touch, enjoying his scent as as you sat in his lap.

Stolas looked down at you, he just didnt understand you.

His entire life people had always wanted something from him, Octavia was the only person who ever just wanted him to who he was... and he still managed to screw thet up.

Even his beloved Blitzø only wanted him for his grimoire, no one wanted him for him.

Except you.

And stolas didn't understand it.

So he decided ask you.

'What do you want?' Stolas asked you, his voice barely above a whisper.

You looked up at him, unsure of what he said, 'what?' You asked.

'What do you want from me?' He asked, anger swelling in his chest. He needed to know, you were the only good thing he had right now and he needed to know why you were being so Damned Good to him!

You looked up at him, frustration and anger clear on his face.

A sad little smile adorned your face before you raised both your arms and cup his cheeks.

Stolas froze, getting to your feet you looked him dead in the eyes you told him. 'I just want you to be happy.'

Stolas was taken aback, confusion laid clear across his feature.

You chuckled at his clearly dumbfounded expression.

With a sigh you told him 'I can truthfully say when I first heard of you my opinion of you wasn't very high. And when I heard of your deal with Blitzø... well it didn't help.

'But' I cut in before he could say anything. 'I quickly came to learn you were unlike any of your fellow royalty.'

You took his hand into your own, gently playing with his fingers.

'Like most Imps growing up i dreamed of growing up to own a palace.' You chuckled to yourself. 'But when I grew up I realised. When you have such power, you bound to it as much as its bound to you'

'And when I learned of your arrangement with Blitzø, I though it was just a way to indulge in your more, carnal desires.' you sighed, reliving the last 20 minutes or so. 'But it wasnt until i overheard you talking to Blitzø on the phone. I could hear just how genuinely eager you were to see him, and I could tell how much you wished he'd return such enthusiasm.

Running a hand down his chest you told him. 'You coming here to see Blitzø, it was so obvious i was actually annoyed with myself for seeing it earlier. You were genuinely eager to see him. But it wasn't until you, prince stolas of the Ars Goetia, ask if your out fit was good enough did realise what was going on.'

You took a moment to have a giggle at the memory, Stolas didn't find it as funny but listened regardless.

'Watching you fuss over an outfit that you knew was perfect, it was in that moment your anxiety shown through. I saw your mask crack and I could see just how fragile you were.'

Stolas got a little huffy 'I'm not fragile' he grumbled to himself.

You giggled at his immature behaviour.

Turning his head towards you, you met his crimson gaze. 'Stolas. In that moment. I saw you.' You placed your hand against his chest.

'I saw a gentle soul. A damaged, scared, And absolutely terrified to be alone.' You brought his hand up to your cheek. 'And when I heard Blitzø screaming at you, without even giving you a chance. I knew it would devastate you.'

'And you there, in front of Blitzø's office, clawing at the ground, desperately trying to keep it together, I made a decision.' Stolas' gaze was so intense if not for your current situation youd likely fear for your life. 'I made the decision to make. you. smile. No matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice. I wouldn't let you leave without a smile on your face.'

Stolas stared for several moments, eyes scanning your face for even the slightest hint of deceat. His throat dried and eyes watered when he realised there wasn't any to find.

'You really did all that for me, just... to see me smile?' Stolas asked, his voice staring to break up through his drying throat.

You looked him dead in the eyes and without a moment's hesitation you whispered back 'yes.'

Stolas pulled you close, tears welling in his eyes.

Stolas held you tight, fearing that if he let you go, something would snatch you away from him.

You leaned into the embrace, returning the hug and just enjoying his arms wrapped around you.

It wasn't until you felt his body quivering that you pulled from the embrace. Finding the owl on the brink of tears you reached up and wiped a tear from his eyes.

Stolas felt... light. As though all the things that were holding him down were gone.

He felt freer then he had in centuries, like nothing could keep him down.

And looking down, he found the source of this freedom.

And seeing you looking up at him, he couldn't help the smile spread across his features.

You were what he'd always wanted.

Someone who loved him unconditionally.

Seeing the Prince smiling made you release a giggle 'You look good with a smile' you whispered to him.

Stolas' hand cupped your cheek and brought you close. Placing a single kiss on your lips before placing head against your own.

Pulling back he said 'I think I'm in love with you.'

Stolas froze, fearing for your reply, fearing you wouldn't reply, fear you'd leave him and he'd fall into the pit of despair that you'd pulled him out of.

You took a moment to respond, a moment which for stolas felt like an eternity.

Getting up you cupped both his cheeks and told him 'I care deeply for you as well, Stolas.'

The reply sent a slight wave of sadness through him before he calmed himself. 'Its alright' he thought 'he doesn't need to love me yet. I'll show him how much I deserve his love.'

Stolas planted another kiss before asking you 'can I see you again, spend some time with you.'

'Do you have a phone?' You asked, Stolas patted himself down hefore pulling out his Hellphone you quickly snatched out of his hands.

Opening the phone you chuckled to yourself, 'Don't even have a password.'

You typed away for a few moment, Stolas leaned down trying to take a look at what you were doing.

Pulling back you pressed the phone against your chest before you wagged your finger at him 'na-ah'.

It took another minute before you held the phone up, pulled a little pose and he heard the distinct click of you taking a picture.

After another few second you handed the phone back before getting up of his lap.

Though instantly missed your presence you attention was still on the phone. Opening it he found a new contact.

(Y/N), the icon being the image you just took.

The fact you so willingly not only gave him your number, but you willingly took a picture of yourself sent warmth through his chest.

His attention brought back to the real world when he heard the door open.

Looking up, he found you standing by the door before walking back over to him.

Holding a hand out, you pulled him to his feet before saying 'Stolas. This has been perhaps the single greatest moment in my life, and I can't describe how happy I am that I got to share it with you.'

Walking to the door, you turned to him. 'But, and I can't describe how much it pains me to say, but I have to bring this rendezvous to an end.' You told him, concern clear in your voice.

Stols took in a breath, 'I understand. This was all rather sudden.' He told you, running his hand over yours.

'Thank you for understanding.' You said earnestly.

Stolas leaned down and you shared a brief but passionate kiss.

'I look forward to seeing you again, My leage' you steered him towards the door, say the last part in your best snooty accent.

Stolas giggled at your antics before ducking under the door.

You exchanged one final touch before he left to home.

#helluva boss headcanon #helluva boss x reader #helluva stolas #helluva boss #headcanon #x reader #stolas #stolas x reader

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jinnie-forthe-winnie · 3 years ago

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Soulmate Au

no specified member

Ever since you could remember you hadn't been able to see the colour of bears, chocolate, coffee, trees, dirt, heck you don't even know what colour is inside your Coca-Cola can. Well of course you have come to know it's brown, but brown means nothing when its a hue of grey.

The cause of the unfortunate ailment was none other than your soulmate. According to some old dude who first wrote about soulmates, "one can not see the colour of thy soulmate's eyes, until they meet said soulmate's eyes."

This old timey and annoying statement is one that had begun to haunt you. According to everyone finding a soulmate is a easy task that should take no longer than 20 years.

Lucky you, at the ripe age of 25 you had yet to find yours. At this point you had come to the conclusion that it's one big prank being played on you, and brown was just grey.

But your search had never stopped due to the fact that someone is missing out on the beautiful colours of the ocean and sky.

Everyday for the past few years you had made an effort to make awkward eye contact with people, holding out for the hope one of them was it. Over the years you had gotten better at diverting your gaze and walking away fast, especially from the winking men.

Today had been a praticulary hard day in the school, two students had miracuosly found their soulmates when down the halls before class. Of course this was just another example of how hopeless you had become, two sixteen year old could find it accidently but you couldn't find it while searching.

Maybe searching was the issue...

All motivation had been wiped from you so instead of forcing yourself into marking you decied a walk by the Han River was the best choice.

You throw a (brown) trench coat on and grab the leash for Pecan, your ironically brown dog. A little Maltese that was eager to follow each and every step you took.

You strap on the blue leash and let her follow you out the door, after locking it you head towards the river.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡

After a hour of walking Pecan became tired and had to be picked up in your arms. She cuddled into your chest to hide from the breeze.

"You are adoarble." you mumble to yourself smiling down at your puppy. A few minutes go by before you decide to stop. You place Pecan on the ground and head to railing, once reaching it you place your elbows on it.

You stare into the light waves in the water, luckily you could see the nice blue tinge the water had. Unlike your unlucky soulmate.

You wondered about him, was he your age? Older? Younger? Handsome? Ugly? A Jerk or a kind person? Funny?

He better be a good looking, funny, nice guy, or all this wait was hypothetically for nothing.

A cute little bark tears your eyes from the water and to your dog who was looking up at you. Her head turned and faced forward before letting out another bark, she then cocks her head back to you.

You let out a little chuckle at her cuteness, and go to turn away. Then the leash is nearly pulled from your hand, Pecan started making a mad dash in the direction she was barking.

Not wanting to hurt her you let her take you where she pleases. Pecan runs towards a man who is leaning up agaisnt the railing, when she reaches him she sits at his feet.

The man notices the puppy and bends down to pet it. You watch curiously at him, he was wearing a black trench coat, and black jeans and boots.

"Cute dog," He says as he pets her. "Name?"

"Pecan," you reply.

"Ah cute, any reason?" he asks not looking at her still.

"Uh it's just that I've become oddly obsessed with brown, mainly because I can't see it." you reply looking at your feet, you felt awkward just spilling the information.

"Hmm, I've become that way for blue. I'm just waiting for the day I am able to find mine and finally see all the things that come with blue." He says you see him stand up and face you, your eyes move up to meet his. A mutual gasp leaves your lips as you see a new colour when you look into his irises.

A tear slides down your cheek as you look down at Pecan. Brown! Her fur was a beautiful brown colour!

"Oh my god," you whisper to yourself, you head goes back to him. His eyes are trained on the water a shocked expression on his face.

His head whips back at you, his eyes soften as he takes in your appearance. You do the same, all you can think about is how handsome he is, a blush tints your cheek as you stare into each other eyes.

His hands come and cup your cheeks, a smile forming on both of your faces. The arm that isn't holding Pecan's leash reaches up and wraps around his neck. Your faces slowly come closer to each other, your breath hitches as your noses touch.

The brown in his eyes is so beautiful that you can hardly close your eyes, once they flutter closed he takes this as his permission to close the gap. At first your lips just barley graze each other, a moment passes before your lips meet fully.

The man moves his arms from your cheeks and down to your waist. His gets more into it as he bends you back slightly, holding tightly onto you. You smile into the kiss as fireworks go off inside of you. He smiles when he feels yours, the kiss becomes awkward as you grin like goofballs.

The next few minutes are spent just holding each other and sharing slow loving kisses.

A little bark is what finally seperates the two of you from each other. You bend down and pick up Pecan and look to your mystery soulmate.

"Can I get your name?" you asks him, a giant smile still adorning your lips.

"Hmmm, how about I give it to you during a coffee date?" he suggests.

"Oh yes! I can finally see coffee!" you excitedly say, he chuckles at your cuteness.

The rest of the night is spent together, he leaves you at your doorstep with a kiss and a promise to see you again. You giddily smile to yourself as you get inside your small home. It finally happened and it couldn't have been any better!

I guess sometimes the best things are unplanned and just happen out of the blue.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡

Taglist: @jiminie-and-his-pinky-finger @softbobamilktae @galaxtea-writes

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jademakean · 4 years ago

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𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

Timothée Chalamet x Reader

𝑷𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

Drizzles of water began coating your body as you rushed to your best friend's porch, hurriedly knocking on the wooden door.

The extra holiday break from school allowed you to spend more time with Pauline, meaning: chaotic sleepovers

“Hello?”

You looked up meeting a pair of green eyes you hadn't seen in a long while. “Timothée?”

Once the slender figure came to the realization of who was waiting at his front step, his mouth went agape mirroring yours.

You both had been close since you were little. You became friends with Pauline in middle school and met Timothée through her. From then on you were a trio and would do everything together, but that all changed.

Him, being three years older than you meant that he'd go to college first and in the end, there would simply not be any time for you both to be together. You did try to hang out once every two weeks but his college was way too far and he needed to spend his time focussing on his studies. It ended in a bad note, with many hurtful words shared.

Before you knew it, Timothée had you in bone-crushing embrace “I haven't seen you in months, more than a year maybe! God, I missed you.”

“Why didn't you tell me you came back?” you couldn't hide the slight disappointment of him not thinking about letting you know. “I wanted to but I switched phone numbers and my sister wanted me to surprise you instead. I just didn't know I was going to see you this soon.”

Though you both shared your relief in seeing each, there was some strange tension in the air.

“I gotta visit my aunt right now but we should celebrate tomorrow or something.” He suggested, breaking the silence.

“Yeah totally. I'm sleeping over anyways so we'll probably see each other after dinner. Just be careful, the weather seems to be getting worse.”

“Oh yeah of course. If you need some clothes you can get some from my room, they're in a box on my bed. I know that Pauline's clothes are too small for any human being to wear.”

You giggled at his over-exaggeration nodding “Thanks. Stay safe.”

Once the door shut you felt your mood change. It's not like you weren't happy to see him, you were, but not being able to have the same connection you once had made your heartache.

“DJ Paulina in the house mother fuckers!”

You jumped at your best friend's sudden outburst but laughed nevertheless.

“Holy shit, you're wetter than the pacific ocean!”

You roller your eyes “Really? Damn, I wonder why. It's alright though, Timothée allowed me to borrow one of his shirts.”

“Wait you already saw Timothée?”

“Yeah, he just left.”

Paulina grimaced slightly knowing how hard it might've been for two introverts to reunite after a long period of time, let alone after they had a fight last time they were together. She quickly changed the subject not wanting to upset you.

That didn't mean she wouldn't plan on rebuilding your bond.

The snaps of thunder kept you awake and the heavy drops of rain overtook your mind.

As the time pasted you began wondering what would happen if there was a monster under your bed, if a ghost yanked you by your leg, or if the shadow of the hanging coat was actually a person.

Full-on scaring yourself.

And Pauline's sleep talking was not helping the situation.

Both of you spent the day baking, eating and watching movies. Though it's not how most teenagers take up the opportunity of an empty house, it was more than enough for you two.

What was irritating you at this precise moment was the fact that you were exhausted during the day and still are, except you, can't bring yourself to actually fall asleep.

Creaking sounds were heard throughout the room as your feet made contact with the wooden floor.

You grumbled making your way to the kitchen for a cup of fresh cold water.

The bright electronic clock on the stove displayed the time. 2:23 A.M.

You were so dazed and distracted by the clock that before you could fill your glass with water, the cup fell on the counter.

You felt your heart stop the second the loud sound emitted throughout the quiet space, fearing you'd break your best friend's parent's glass. But once you realized that everything was still stable, you proceeded to finish your plan.

“What are you doing still awake?”

Your body jumped at those words. You turned to see Timothée with hooded eyes and slumped figure, clearly more than half asleep.

“Sorry, I'm a light sleeper and the thunder was keeping me awake.”

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

He smiled softly with a droopy gaze

Not gonna lie, initially some inappropriate thoughts crossed your mind, but vanished once you remembered how every time you had trouble falling asleep, you'd get in his bed and he'd make conversation until you fell asleep.

“Sure.”

Timothée was probably too out of it to understand why it had taken you so look to answer, which you were grateful for.

He lazily intertwined your fingers and led you to his room.

It looked the same as before, maybe some items we're missing so he'd be able to decorate his new apartment, but other than that, still the same.

You hesitantly laid down turning your body away from the curly-headed boy. You felt yourself heating up as last time you shared a bed you were a quite innocent 15-year-old, and to be fair you've always seen him as a bother figure.

But two years have passed and he was now 20, it felt like being with a stranger even though he wasn't.

“You alright?”

He mumbled quietly

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.” You chewed your lip anxiously. You've never been good at confronting people.

“Is there a reason why you got mad at me when you left. All I remember was you telling me how we couldn't be friends because of all the work you had and how you couldn't handle too many things at the same time. But in the end, you suddenly got mad at me and it ended in a huge fight.”

You could tell that Timothée was now fully awake, definitely not expecting you to mention the topic at this time of night.

“Well, in all honestly I knew you wouldn't want to give up on our friendship. I've always seen you as a loyal strong friend and I didn't want to disappoint you by continuously bailing out on our plans.”

Thought his solution was a stupid one, you understood what he meant. You would most definitely get let down many times and eventually get mad at him, even if it wasn't fully his fault.

“I understand. Just-- Just don't do that again. I'd rather have a relationship with you even if we rarely saw each other, instead of not seeing you at all. I miss being with you.”

Timothée's heavy arm hugged you closer to him. So close you could feel his gentle heartbeat against your back.

“I'm not as much of a mess I was back in the first year of college. I have more spare time, even if college is too far we can face time and meet once a month.”

It was nice to witness his change in attitude regarding the situation, he's now more open-minded and optimistic.

“Is that why you seemed so tense when you saw me today?”

You suddenly felt yourself redden from slight embarrassment “I mean yeah. I kinda overreact a lot, but you know that. I didn't even recognize you, you've changed and I didn't know how to feel.”

You felt chest shake from a deep chuckle as you played with his fingers “Is that a good thing?”

He was making you flustered and he knew it.

“I mean, yeah. You look mature for a 20-year-old. When you were 18 you still had your baby face- it's not a bad thing at all, but now you, um, okay I'm just going to stop talking.”

Once again, Timothée's body shook slightly from his laughter which eventually died down.

There was silence once again, the downpour was hitting the window aggressively but managed to make you feel calm. The heat that radiated from the man's body was wrapping you in a warm blanket, his cold breath tickling your neck.

“How do you see me?

The silence was halted by your simple question “What do you mean?” his raspy voice asked, not understanding the question very well.

“Before you said that you saw me as a loyal friend. How do you see me now?”

Timothée turned your body to face him “Well, you've changed as well. You don't look like a little kid anymore.”

You hummed in response staring into his eyes. The moonlight was shining through the window behind Timothée, illuminating his hair, making it look as though he was wearing a halo around his head.

“Has anything interesting happened while I was gone? House renovations, dead grandma, boyfriends..?”

You had to cover your mouth from bursting out laughing “How the hell do you go from dead grandma to boyfriends?”

The boy shrugged his shoulders waiting for an answer “I had a boyfriend for a little while but it didn't work out.”

Timothée nodded for you to keep going

“He treated me differently when we were around his friends, kinda like he didn't want me. We would get into a lot of arguments and I just wasn't happy. So I ended it.”

He took your hand caressing it carefully with his thumb. You knew he was trying to make you feel better though you weren't actually sad about the breakup. You decided not to say anything against it since his action-filled your heart with butterflies.

“He's an asshole for doing that.”

“Yeah well, most of them are.”

There was a small pause in the air before Timothée spoke up again

“I wouldn't do that to you.”

You were taken aback from his sudden confession. You expected him to joke around about some dumb stereotypes.

“If you were my boyfriend, or just in general?” you asked genuinely curious to which he answered:

“Both.”

You being the anxious human being you are, decided to play it off as a joke. Like always.

“Yeah right, you would never date me, you might as well be one of those extra frat boys that-”

“Why would you assume I wouldn't date you.”

You were becoming more and more agitated, not fully grasping the meaning of his words, and why he was now saying it.

“I've always adored you. The reason why I never said anything is because I'm three years older than you and didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Why are you saying this now?” You shuttered out as he moved closer to your body.

“I didn't realize how much I loved you until we separated. Now I'm realizing how much time I wasted.”

Timothée began breathing heavily, his eyes focusing on the different features your face held.

“Would you date me now?”

He nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. “Even if we wouldn't see each other often?”

He nodded once again, this time speaking “I haven't seen you in two years and I still have feelings for you, they won't go away even if I tried.”

Timothée let his fingers gently brush against your lips studying them thoroughly making your mind hazy.

You were so focussed on each other that the background noise was now muffled.

Your mouths were agape wanting one thing and one thing only.

“Can I kiss you?”

He whispered breathlessly. If he wasn't studying you so closely he would have missed your little nod.

But he didn't miss it.

The second the small gesture was caught, was the second his lips made contact with yours.

The kiss was heated and desperate, your eyebrows furrowed hopelessly from the connection. Tongues soon intertwining as Timothée held himself on top of you for better control of the situation. Not giving you room to escape.

You sighed through your nose not being able to break from the kiss, not wanting to break from the kiss.

His front pressed flush against yours, allowing his hands to travel all over your body with no hesitation.

You mumbled Timothée's name against his lips before you broke apart. “Did I go too far?”

You smiled at his worried state “No, I loved every second of it.”

He copied your smile resting his forehead on yours “Sorry, I could help myself.”

He laid on his back before you cuddled to his side, leg wrapped with his and head resting on his shoulder.

Timothée observed your crimson cheeks and swollen lips. He wanted to tease you about it but he knew damn well that he looked the exact same.

Sleep eventually took over you. The soothing sound of the storm was the last thing you heard, and the motion of Timothée's chest calmly rising and falling was the last thing you felt.

#timothee fanfic #timothee imagine #timothee angst #timothee fluff #timothee x y/n #timothee x you #timothee x reader #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet

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