#i could write a whole novel about the way i project onto this man

[masterofthewarcry]

no, no you don't GET IT. okay - so he's only a little kid when his dad goes off to war and dies, right? he doesn't know his dad. all he knows is that his dad was a great warrior favored by athena, and that he has to avenge him (IMAGINE a little kid sitting by his mother's feet while she spins wool telling him he has to avenge his father some day, imagine it). so he grows up a little, following in his father's footsteps to become a great warrior, and then BAM he gets thrown into full blown WAR at fourteen. it's epigoni time people. he's the youngest there, this is the first time he's ever experienced real battle, and its in THEBES where his dad (who's ghost has been haunting him the whole time) DIED. anywhere he steps on the battlefield could be the very spot where his dad died. but he makes it through. they take the city, sack it, go home.

and that in itself is enough to make a man a legend, right? but almost as soon as he gets home, there's trouble in calydonia (where his grandfather is supposed to rule, but he gets usurped by an uncle or cousin or something). so he fucks off to calydonia to sort that out and ends up having to fight in ANOTHER huge battle to reinstate his grandfather as the king. but again, he pulls through, makes it out alive and goes home.

he gets married to aegialia, who's significantly older than him and who he doesn't know all that well just in time for adrastus (the king of argos and one of the original seven against thebes) to kick it. now, i'm not saying that adrastus was something of a father figure to him, but i think it makes sense narratively. so adrastus kicks it, and he inherits the city of argos, again being very young and not knowing much about ruling. he doesn't really get a chance to learn though because BAM it's trojan war time baby!!

so he gets together all the able-bodied argives (which is a LOT, like he's bringing a significant portion of the greek force) and they sail to aulis to meet up with the rest of the gang. sthenelus and euryalus (two of his buddies from the epigoni days) come with him - i like to think that they're like older brothers to him; sources he can look to for advice and support. ANYWAYS everybody gets to aulis, he goes to meet the rest of the kings and as soon as he introduces himself, everyone's talking about his father.

but its fine - even though he's proven himself to be a more capable warrior than his father was already. hes not here to cause a scene (no, they have achilles for that - but they dont have him yet so hold that thought), hes here to do a job. and do a job he will, because someone has to go fetch achilles from hiding! better send the young guy who MIGHT be able to hold his own against the strongest warrior in the world if he decides to fight back. and odysseus, of course.

they couldn't be more different, he and odysseus. odysseus is older, he's not been in a battle like this before, he has a son, he's generally regarded as a good king. whereas all he's ever known is war, he barely knows his own wife (DEFINITELY not enough to have a son), and he knows next to nothing about being a king. yet they hit it off. odysseus is charismatic and funny and he's ENRAPTURED by the way he talks about ithaca. he's never known anything like that. argos is home, sure, but ithaca is EVERYTHING to odysseus.

they collect achilles, with some trickery, and the real trojan war starts going. ILIAD TIME it's been nine years. he and odysseus are buddy buddy now (athena boys in business fr), achilles is on the fritz throwing a temper tantrum (NOT in a useful way on the battlefield). agamemnon is talking about giving up. menelaus ALMOST got paris's ass but aphrodite spirited him away. he and odysseus are holding this operation together. he's putting all this previous war experience to good use absolutely KILLING IT on the battlefield. he's going after aeneas, and then aphrodite, and then ARES the GOD OF WAR HIMSELF. achilles has NOTHING on him at this point. but the whole army is still praying for achilles return.

but it's fine - even though he's single handedly running the show at this point. he gets shot through the foot by paris and odysseus pulls it out because THEY WATCH EACH OTHERS BACKS, they look after each other. NIGHT RAID TIME, he and odysseus hit the town (and by hit the town i mean kill ~14 men under the cover of darkness and steal their horses), common athena boys W. they wash all the blood of themselves in the sea together afterwards, classic bro activities. he's feeding himself with odysseus's stories at this point because the way he talks about ithaca really does make it sound like something worth fighting for.

achilles comes back- OOPS, we thought it was achilles but its NOT its patroclus in his armor and now hes DEAD. achilles comes back for real, and now HECTOR is dead. who's that up on the walls of troy with a bow is that-? BAM, achilles dead, shot by paris. things are looking bleak and good at the same time. the palladium needs to be stolen so they can sack troy? easy money. NIGHT RAID PART 2, stealing the palladium time. easy money until odysseus decides to try and stab him in the back. he's devastated - his closest friend, caught up in the idea of having all the glory for himself. they've switched positions, now he is the one who wants nothing to do with this war, and odysseus is the glory-hungry king. heartbreaking.

TROJAN HORSE, the time is finally ripe to sack troy. everyone's behaving badly, people are getting raped on temple steps, it's a mess. odysseus throws a baby off the walls of troy. he's one of the only ones who doesn't get caught up in it because he's tired. he's tired of war and he wants to go home, even though argos is nothing like the home he's built in his head. there is no wife and son to return to. he knows nothing about being king. the rocky coasts of ithaca do not await him.

troy burns. the war is over, the ships are loaded with spoils, he sets sail for home. he arrives to find that sthenelus's SON, his BROTHER's SON has been fucking his wife and usurped his throne. and for a minute, it looks like he's about to go to war again, but he's tired. he's tired and it's his best friend's son, and it's a woman he never really got to know or care about and it's a throne he never asked for. so he just leaves. he takes his spoils, gets back on a boat and leaves. for ithaca.

he doesn't know how odysseus is going to react when he shows up. but, as it turns out, he didn't have to worry about that because odysseus isn't there. but penelope is. wise, patient penelope who listens to him talk about the war at troy and odysseus and how he's so tired. penelope who says, stay.

so he stays. and he waits for odysseus. and he learns things that aren't war. he learns what it feels like to carry a little boy on his shoulders. he learns what it feels like to have dirt under his nails and a sore back after a long day's work at the plow. he listens to penelope talk about odysseus, and shares his own stories too. he learns that he likes penelope, a lot.

enough that when the suitors start pouring in, he fends them off as best he can. he won't marry her - he won't do that to odysseus, but he will help her unravel the funeral shroud she's weaving each night. he will hold her while she cries for her husband who is likely dead at the bottom of the sea. he will start teaching telemachus his way around the blade when he asks.

and when odysseus does return home? he almost gets stabbed. odysseus is FURIOUS that someone he TRUSTED would come to court his wife, but that's not what happened at all, he's been protecting her the best he can. teaching his son to do the same. he's been waiting for odysseus with them. it's a teary reunion, of course, and then it's a bloodbath and then all the suitors are dead. he washes the blood out from underneath his nails for the last time.

see? do you see? it's about being HAUNTED by the legacy of a man you didn't even know, and it's about EXPECTATIONS and it's about figuring out what YOU want instead of what you're 'supposed' to want, and it's about GROWING past being a warrior and learning to be a PERSON, and it's about LOVING someone in a way that's beyond platonic or romantic. do you get it now? do you get it?

[ageless-aislynn]

Title: “Recreation” (3/?) Author:@ageless-aislynn​ Characters/fandom: Kai-125/M!Reader, Halo the series Summary: You wanted to take Kai on a date that she would love but your ideas are running a bit thin. Don't worry, though, ODST Jerry is here to help. 😉 Rating:  T (PG13) Length: 3,405 Spoilers/warnings: Set in the Silver Timeline of Halo the series, not the games or novels. No show spoilers. Disclaimer: Definitely not mine but I do enjoy borrowing them just for a bit! 😉 A/N:  Annnnd it's been a while, friends. Since the last update, life has been all about stress, health issues and writer's block but I'm trying to get things back on track again. 🤞😣🤞

Thank you to @mrtobenamedlater for the suggestions on what sort of dates to not take Kai on. See, I was paying attention, lol!

If you also read "15 Minutes" (or you're checking to see if I'm going to mention anything about it 😉), the next chapter on it is also in progress. Ideally, it should also update at some point this month but I make no promises.

If you've been reading since the beginning, thank you for sticking around. If you're reading this at some later date, thanks for giving it a chance. However it goes, I hope you enjoy! ⭐💖⭐

Taglist: @laurenstacy610 @sporadicbelievernightmare @sarnakhwritesthings

I tagged everybody I tagged last time but, as always, if you'd prefer not to be, just let me know! And if you would like to be tagged in my Kai/Reader fics, just let me know! At the moment, I also write John/Reader, John/Kai and John/Cortana, so I’m glad to tag you for whatever you’d like. Also, if you’d like to be removed, just let me know as well, no hard feelings. 😉 💖

Halo fic masterlist ⭐

"So, what's the plan?"

You looked over as ODST Jerry fell into step with you. "Plan?"

"You know, for when your Spartan honey gets back from extended deploy."

Your I'm thinking over my options face clearly looked a lot like your I'm completely at a loss face. Wait, now that you thought about it, they really were one and the same in this case.

"Come on, man, you need a plan," he bemoaned. "You can't just try to wing it with a Spartan. Not a Spartan. She's worth the time, the effort, the thought, the whole thing. Don't you worry, though. Jerry's got you covered. Give me a few hours and I'll be back with some options."

He strode away with great purpose, leaving you staring after him, a bit flummoxed at having somehow gained an ODST Fairy Godfather.

All considering, though, you could definitely use a little of that "feet first" attitude when it came to dating.

You were on your way to the mess for lunch when, as if by magic, Jerry appeared next to you once more.

"I've been going over the options, running the numbers, all that," he began without preamble. "You know that big amusement park that opened a few weeks ago, tallest roller-coaster on Reach, guaranteed thrills for all?"

"That's where I should take-?"

"You should absolutely not take her there. Think about it, she can jump from orbit without so much as a pod! How exciting is some plain ol' roller-coaster going to be to somebody who can orbital jump in just her armor?"

You nodded slightly, conceding the point.

"Same thing with the games. Punch a bag to show your strength? She can punch the whole machine onto the next continent. Hit a target? She's a sniper, my man. Even with the lousy 'guns' they use for those things, I'd bet you a whole year's salary that she'd make every shot. That's no fun for her. She'll want to be challenged, she'll want excitement! You've got to give her something she's not going to get any other way or why would she bother, right?"

You went from nodding to shaking your head to finally just doing a circle with your chin. "But I'm not that exciting," you said. "That's going to be impossible."

Jerry whipped out his padd. "I made some notes," he said and flipped it around so you could read the screen.

You leaned down a bit, squinting at the print. "Um, you know I couldn't survive that one, right? And I'm just straight-up not doing that one, that one or that one," you said, pointing at the corresponding bullet points.

"If you're worried about where to find a marching band, don't sweat it. I know a guy," he said confidently. "I can even convince him to throw in the venomous carnivores for free."

"I don't know," you said with a slight grimace. "None of this is my style."

"Really? Not even number 15?"

"Yeah, I'm definitely not doing battlefield karaoke. Besides, where would I find an Elite who could sing?"

"I know a guy," he repeated even more confidently.

"Maybe some other time. But thanks."

He waggled a finger at you. "I'm not going to give up on you, buddy. Not after you opened my eyes to the wonders of yoga."

"Are you feeling more centered and enlightened?"

"Eh, that, too," he said. "But I'm going to make sure that you show that Spartan the time of her life, even if it kills us both, don't you worry!"

He gave your shoulder a friendly punch and disappeared into the crowd before you could respond.

You were on an early shift today, so you decided to do some recon in the city. There were a few fancy restaurants there, would Kai like something like that? There were also movie theaters, some quite elaborate. That movie in the park you'd been about to see before the emergency deploy, she'd said she liked it, so was it playing somewhere? She might like the chance to see it in a more elegant setting. Or what about live performances? Did she like plays? Musicals?

You realized you had no idea about her taste in music or entertainment. Or food. Or pretty much anything important, the more you thought about it.

Frustrated, you let your feet carry you out of the city into the outskirts. There was one place you could go to clear your mind for a while. Maybe some fantastic, Spartan-worthy idea would come to you, then?

Not long into throwing balls for the pack of rescue dogs, you'd gotten the feeling you were being watched. Surreptitiously, you'd scanned the wooded area beyond the fenced-in yard but couldn't spot anything suspicious. Even after casually checking out the buildings of the animal sanctuary behind you, you didn't spot anybody watching you from a window or around a corner. Often, some of the other volunteers would gather to watch you playing with the dogs but you really didn't know why.

Deborah, one of the other volunteers, approached after a while, calling your name in greeting. "Want a break? I'll take a turn if you want to go visit your best girl. She's in her usual place."

"Sure, thanks," you said, tossing the ball to her and giving the dogs still clustered around you fond scratches. You headed back to where you'd left your shirt hanging on the porch railing but it was warm enough you'd worked up a light sweat, so you left it off. You found a place in the shade on the ground next to the steps to sit, letting your hand turn palm upwards on the grass.

You caught a glint of eyes beneath the steps but didn't say anything, knowing it was better to wait.

It didn't take nearly as along as it once had before there was movement from the corner of your vision. You still didn't react, keeping your gaze forward, but when a slightly cold, damp nose skimmed your palm, your mouth twitched.

It wasn't until the furry body sat next to you, close enough for the wiry fur to brush your arm, did you look at the small, gray dog. "And how are you today, Gigi?" you asked very softly.

You moved your hand up onto your lap and waited until she shifted to lean against your leg before slowly and gently petting her back. She sat there stiffly for a few more seconds, then finally sighed and laid down with her head propped onto your thigh.

"You know, you're welcome to play ball with the rest of them," you suggested and she rolled her dark eyes to look skeptically at you. "Or not," you concluded.

You both watched Deborah and the rest of the dogs for a while, then Gigi abruptly tensed and darted back under the steps a heartbeat before you heard the crunch of footsteps.

"Hey, marine," Kai said as she came around the corner of the building, dressed in dark civvies, the streak of red in her hair barely peeking out from under her black knit cap with the tear on the edge. "Got room for one more?"

You were on your feet and striding towards her before you even realized it. Halfway there, you realized you didn't know what you were going to do when you got there but fortunately, she didn't have the same problem.

As soon as you were within reach, she grabbed you into a massive embrace. For a long moment, you just closed your eyes and held onto her.

"When'd you get back?" you finally asked into her muscular shoulder.

"Couple of hours ago. Been in debrief for ages. Though poor Chief is still there, so guess I shouldn't complain."

"You all right? No casualties?"

"Silver's in one piece," she said which wasn't really an answer but you figured that was all she could say.

When you leaned back, you expected her to let you go but instead she shifted her hold so to touch your face.

"I'm glad to see you," she said, her tone husky.

"Yeah. Yeah, me, too," you stammered out, feeling tongue-tied.

And then she kissed you and, in addition to feeling bereft of words, you had your breath stolen as well.

You heard a faint growl come from under the porch and Kai released you, murmuring, "So, who's your friend down there? They sound like they're considering biting my ankle."

It took a few blinks before your brain resumed functioning again. "That's Gigi," you said. "She's had a rough go of it, doesn't trust very easily. Usually she wouldn't call attention to herself like that, though."

"She must like you, then," she said with a slight smile, "considering that she's warning me to back off."

You turned, finding that Gigi actually had her head poked out from under the porch, her lips curled and showing teeth. "That's not very nice," you admonished in a gentle tone. "You're both Spartans, you should stick together."

Gigi gave a displeased barky growl at that and vanished into the shadows once more.

"She's a Spartan, huh?" Kai remarked, biting her lip as if to restrain a grin.

"Well, she came to the sanctuary already answering to Gigi so they didn't want to change it," you explained. "So, I told her that it was short for Gorgo, you know, the Spartan queen? I thought she should have a strong name, something to give her courage when she needs it."

Kai looked at you as if you were too precious to be real. "I like it," she said. "Well, Queen Gorgo Gigi would be a welcome part of Silver Team, if she ever feels like joining."

"One day," you said. "Or at least I hope one day that she'll feel safe enough to come out and play ball."

"You'll get her there," she said confidently.

"You think so?"

"Yeah," she said with an encouraging nod. "You're good with her, I can tell. She trusted you enough to come out from her hiding place and sit with you. That's a big deal."

You arched an eyebrow. "How did you know that? Can Spartans see around corners now?"

It was her turn to look a bit sheepish. "I saw from the woods." She jutted her chin in a direction across the yard through the fence. "I, um, might've been watching you running around, playing ball."

"Why?"

She gave a huffing laugh. "Probably for the same reason why you watch me do my deadlift routine."

"Because it's an impressive display of strength and agility?"

She waggled her hand to indicate you were close.

You thought it over for a second. "Because you're hot?"

She did an on the nose gesture. "You didn't answer me before: you got room for one more or do you think it'll upset Gigi if I sit in her space?"

You glanced back as if the small dog would offer a comment. Her eyes glittered in the darkness, which told you she hadn't completely withdrawn. "I think it'll be all right," you finally surmised. "If she seems to get distressed, we can move."

Kai nodded and the both of you took a place on the ground with you the closest to the steps. You sat there in companionable silence for a while, watching Deborah throwing the ball to the pack of dogs.

Eventually, Deborah came your way, gesturing to Kai. "Want to take a turn? They've about run me out but I'd like to give them a little while longer to play."

Kai bounded to her feet. "Sure," she said eagerly. "Just… throw the ball for them?"

"Just throw the ball," the other woman confirmed.

Though you had no doubt that Kai could've thrown it three days' drive away even for the speediest Mongoose, she tempered her strength to mimic approximately how Deborah had been throwing it. Soon, she was laughing at the antics of the pack as they raced around. You noticed that she would also deliberately throw the ball to some of the smaller or slower dogs, giving them their turn as well.

She also paid attention to when they began showing signs of being tired. "Should I let them rest now?" she asked.

Deborah had found a place in the shade to sit far enough away that Gigi didn't withdraw further. At Kai's question, she pushed to her feet. "Yeah, they seem good. I think they'll all have solid naps now, thanks."

Then, as Kai approached and gave her back the ball, she went on, "We're always looking for people for play time like this, or even just feeding and filling water bowls. If you'd ever like to spend more time with them, please feel welcome. I know they'd love it."

"Thanks," Kai said with a broad smile. "I'd love it, too."

"You'll make sure she gets in?" you asked, inclining your head towards the little gray dog under the porch.

Deborah gave a wry smile. "Don't worry, I'll make sure she gets that spot she likes tucked away in the linen closet."

You turned to Kai and gestured for her to proceed.

"You don't tell Gigi goodbye?" she asked, arching a brow curiously.

"Gigi doesn't believe in goodbyes," you returned, partially because you thought it would make her smile.

The toothy grin she gave you went straight to the center of your chest. "Something else we have in common, then."

The walk back into the city was much more pleasant now that Kai was at your side. She couldn't tell you much about the mission Silver Team had been on but that was all right with you.

After she told you that she hadn't had time to grab anything to eat, you diverted your course to find the little out of the way diner you often frequented when off-duty.

As it turned out, Kai had never before had the chance to discover the wonders of the classic hamburger. The elderly owners were quick to ply her with every conceivable variation they could concoct.

Kai's enthusiasm was contagious and her appetite was indeed Spartan-sized. In the time it took you to eat three generously sized burgers, she'd gone through perhaps a dozen. The happiness radiating from her made it difficult for you to not grin like a fool.

She waved them off when they offered to grill up another. "I'm stuffed," she demurred. "Couldn't possibly fit in another bite."

"But," the silver-haired woman asked, "what about dessert? Do you like pie?"

"Pie?" she asked, her tone perking up. And, as it turned out, yes, she did.

When you requested the bill, Kai snatched it off the table in a move so fast you didn't even see a blur of motion.

"My treat," she said. "You can pay for the next date."

Her casual choice of words surprised you. Once you were outside, having promised the owners that you'd come back soon, you fell in line beside her.

"Was this a date?" you finally asked.

"It was to me," she said with a tiny smile and threaded her fingers through yours. "It was actually the most perfect date I could've imagined."

For a moment, you couldn't seem to remember what words were. Then you cleared your throat and said, "I have something for you."

"Did you knit me a gun cozy?" she asked eagerly.

You gave what you hoped was a mysterious smile. In truth, you probably just looked besotted. That was okay, though, because it inspired her to kiss you again.

Kai had remained outside of the marine barracks as you went in to retrieve her present. As you joined her, you noted about a dozen ODSTs and marines lurking none-too-stealthily nearby. One of the privates took a step in your direction and, from out of nowhere, ODST Jerry intercepted him, steering him back into the crowd.

He gave you a covert thumb's up, then disappeared again.

You'd thought you'd done a decent job wrapping the present in plain gray paper, tied with a silver ribbon, but when you actually saw it in her hands, you couldn't help but notice how it looked like a lumpy mess.

You should've put it in a box and had somebody professional do the wrapping. It was too late now, of course, but as she stood just looking at it, you wondered if you should offer to take it back and try again.

But then she glanced up at you and her eyes shone with a surprisingly wet sheen. "Thank you," she said quietly. "I love it."

"But you haven't even seen it," you protested mildly.

"Don't have to. I love it already."

You would've expected her to tear through the paper in a split-second but instead she carefully slid the ribbon free, then undid each seam with careful precision. It was almost as if she had never been given a--

The thought hit you as if you'd walked straight into a wall.

Then the thought made you want to punch the wall. She had never been given a wrapped present before.

It was a good thing she was preoccupied with the wrapping paper because you'd never been that great at concealing your feelings, especially when something made you see red. Scuttlebutt about how Dr. Halsey had treated the Spartans had never been particularly kind but you suddenly had an inkling of just how very unkind the treatment had been. Spartans weren't unthinking, unfeeling machines, no matter what anyone had ever said. It was true that they seemed more… animated since Dr. Keyes had taken over the program but maybe that was merely because she was allowing them to be?

It was all way above your pay grade but your feelings for Kai—

Okay, yeah, you had to admit it at least to yourself: you had feelings for her. Pretending to be in a relationship had been only been pretend for you at the very start. Kai was easy to care about, easy to admire, easy to want to be around.

The kissing was also a fantastic perk to the pretending, of course, but even if that had never been a thing, you would've still wanted to spend time with her.

As she undid the final piece of tape, she glanced up at you again and whatever she saw this time made her straighten. "You okay?" she asked.

"Sure." Your attempt to clear all of those feelings off your face was obviously an abject failure, so you went with it. "Hoping you like your gifts."

"There's more than one in here?"

"Finish opening and find out."

She slowly peeled the paper back, as if loathe to have the experience end. Oh, you were definitely getting her more wrapped presents, ASAP.

"I noticed yours was torn," you said as she gently lifted up the black knit cap from the rest of the bundle.

She made a surprisingly squeaky sound as she turned it and the metallic thread of the embroidery along the wide brim caught the light. "Is this my sniper? And a Needler? A MA5C? These are all my favorite weapons!"

"I know," you returned, then grinned as she actually spun in an excited circle.

She yanked off her old cap and put the new one on with reverence. "I just wish I could wear it and look at it at the same time," she said and you gestured at the package she still held in her hands.

She lifted the scarf out next, making another squeaky sound as she took in the matching embroidered pattern across both ends. After throwing it around her neck, she looked at you, this time with heat. "Would you want to come back to my room so I can model these for you?"

You stared quizzically at her, about to point out that she was modeling them, wasn't she?

But before you could speak, she leaned in closer to murmur, "So I can model only these for you?"

You blinked. It took two tries but finally you got out a heartfelt, "Ma'am, yes, ma'am."

As she grabbed your hand and pulled you away, you passed ODST Jerry now in the middle of the group of rapt onlookers.

"I taught him everything he knows," he was saying with a proud sniff. "Now, c'mon, everybody pay up. Yeah, and maybe if you're lucky, ol' Jerry here will help you make a Spartan love connection, too."

[mekatrio]

too sick to draw or do anything else which means its the perfect time to watch mca and be a little autistic nitpicky bitch about it. planning to do a post like this per episode, this one's for episode One. well episode one part one bc nothing in my life is easy and i keep forgetting theres a fucking image limit for posts 🙄

- I HATE THIS FUCKING ANIME ok i needed to get that off my chest...... groaned so loudly at the first four seconds fucking... Church Bells and POLES?!?!? POLES?!?!!! i hate shaft's enviromental choices ok moving on

- how the fuck did i not realize that ayano's VA is rena ryuugu lmfao its all i can hear nowadays

- right theyre on a fucking clock... for some reason.... also honestly i dont like ayano's voice that much. like the voice is fine but i dont think it fits ayano's character

- also this clock sucks i wish it was like more More you know more gears more machinery like ep12 insanity ok wait. are shinaya 3d models here lmfao.. maybe?

- i like this line. saur mysterious

- hahaha.... the Kaien Panzermast

now that i think abt it i have no idea why its called kaien panzermast. like i what its referring to (the song siren thing thats telling kids to go tf home) but what the hell is a Kaien Panzermast?

- this scenery is near meaningless to kagepro literally just a whole bunch of nothing when i say i hate shaft's choices for this anime..... like what is any of this shit. also orange??!? orange of all colors..... god damn man

like yes ok its the evening BUT THIS IS KAGEROU PROJECT. GIVE ME MY RED AND BLUE!

-- this part is cool tho. a bit too heavy handed in the symbolism but i appreciate the gesture

- lol at this:

BECAUSE SHE DIDNT! not until 2017 lmfao. this makes me suspect that the revelations from mr2 were initially supposed to be in the anime. but in the end for whatever reason it couldnt fit itself there, so the only revelation we got was The First Tragedy Exists. and no elaboration.... now that i think of it, iirc me and many fans were pretty thrown off from this opening back when it first aired cuz this was like, the first time we've seen ayano act like this. wait. let me check my timeline

ok nvm lol. second time. first time shes ever like this is in the manga:

but anyways back in 2013/2014 before the LTM episode, there was like no context whatsoever for Why Is Ayano Like That. so that was a doozy

- damn can u imagine working on some songs writing a novel and getting these amazing voice actors to voice ur characters... ohhh i wouldnt know how to act

-HJEKHJSKDFHASJKDFH THIS LOOKS CHEAP AS HELL HELP ME

i mean thats um. one way to show a timeline getting thrown away... I Guess. ignoring the fact that Mary Has Long Hair (which she shouldnt), its a cool visual idea but the execution is um... hfjkssjk

- hehe

headphone actor mv on the left and mca countdown thingy on the right. holy shit they are near identical damn, i just thought they were similar but no, its practically identical. thats so cool T_T if only the rest of this anime was this cool.... whatever onwards i go

- shintaro's stupid futuristic high-rise apartment... i loathe thee

- the fuck is this

- first instance of shaft's trademark of putting random shit on the screen and im already annoyed its gonna be bad for me for the rest of this rewatch if i can even last that long. i know i will at least til ep 10 (11???) cuz i need to see baby mekatrio

- no aku benci lmfao shaft hates to animate so much they threw this story into the future so they could just conveniently project things onto shintaro's cyberwall hahaha..... i fucking hate this anime

- looks like shintaro was drawn by 4 different artists in these various shots that only span like 5 seconds

- damn in the anime its not even ene's fault that shintaro spilled the soda lmfao. thats all on him this time

- also shinene's voices are srsly perfect

- XX you say...... 🤨

- storyboarding sucks shit they went from flashback to not a flashback to flashback again my fucking god dude. the only reason i can make sense of any of it is cuz im rewinding every little thing

- literally no reason to add 'roomie' to this translation but it made me laugh so I GUESS

maybe i should hunt for the official crunchyroll subs. but im too lazy

- lmfao

text from Mekakucity Talkers 24, translated by x0401x. only difference from tht and the screenshot is that shintaro still has hair lol

- hm. i wish it made a bigger deal of shintaro leaving the house. yeah he threw a fit but i wish the actual stepping outside aspect was more dramatic yknow. like how Children Record emphasized it

- WHY IS THIS CITY SO EMPTY

- also curiously this episode is missing this sentence from shintaro abt someone rebuilding the city bit by bit which is in the novels and the manga, which is meant to foreshadow saeru's influence. but then again the first 17 manga chapters are taken nearly word-by-word from the novels so maybe thats all it is 🤷

- also it took like 6 minutes for shintaro to leave the house... theres other things being done ofc, establishing shinene's dynamics, quick exposition of how ene ended up with shintaro to begin with, and spilling soda onto the computer and leaving the house. but i feel like it wouldve been better if the anime stuck to what the novels + mr1 does, where ene blares a loud fucking alarm. that quickly establishes shinene's dynamic and easily leads to a So You Must Be Wondering How I Got Here type of thing, and then knock over the soda leave the house bam easy. instead the anime really took its time with like..... idk making shinaro look ikemen. yeahhh not the best choice, especially considered how rushed the last few episodes are gonna be. ok back to watching the anime

- also aku benci x2 like its only futuristic when its convenient which is soo fucking Lazy. theres literally no reason for this story to be set in the future. like all this city scenery is based off actual modern day Kashiwa its just... ugh. barely any care put into this anime at all

- this anime is cool sometimes

- reused this pencil texture from the start of the episode... wonder how many times ill be seeing that

- the fucking comedic timing of these terrorists lmfao. and right theyre clowns... for some reason....

- also dude ill still never understand why only their thumbs are the only parts ziplocked like what. also isnt that harder to animate... THIS STUPID ANIME

- this is a completely fair reaction to having kano shuuya speak to you for the first time

- no the fuck he isnt he hasnt thought of shit my god.

that comic person on here was not lying shaft really fucked up the order of events here bigtime. kano only speaks to shintaro after shintaro's done brooding.... also seto doing fuckall lol. ik he'll say smth in like 2 seconds but i do find it funny that we've seen him for like the past minute and he hasnt said shit

- ok but its cool that kano's hand just doesnt obey the ziplock.... very clever of the artists to just make him put his hands behind his head and other gestures to indicate that theres something up with him

- why are his eyes red.

[daincrediblegg]

Because I was re-watching silence of the lambs earlier, and the scene came where Clarice was being stared at by all male police officers whom were not receptive to what she said, regardless of the fact she was there to do a job, let alone fbi, in addition to information purposefully being kept from her, despite being tasked to help in solving the case, I was of course reminded of what u said abt Lady T. and how the men on board the ship were not at all keen on having her with them, if not frightened of her presence due to superstition, save for Blanky and Francis being some of the few that treat her with the respect she deserves yknow.

With that being said it did make me curious as to whether or not she would b included in the meetings Sir John has with his team (Francis, Jfj, Blanky, etc) not to mention how her presence would b perceived by those at the table as it is very much something that was unprecedented at the time.

oh man it's REALLY funny you mention that movie in particular- I just watched that again recently for this Gothic Novels Seminar that I took just this past semester( and I'd be remiss to say that it didn't heavily influence a lot of the thought-work I did initially for her- among other things). And actually I did a whole essay on gothic couplings (romantic and not so much- and the lines blurred between them)- and argued why it's one of the few literary genres that affords women agency when it's written with a strictly romantic lens in mind (sorry my dear EAP, on whom I gave the lecture of my fucking life, but you don't win at this actually).

Anyway I digress- the shortest answer I can give without getting too terribly long-winded about telling all without actually writing the damn thing - is yes, she's included, but BARELY, and not given much thought despite her earned (and it was EARNED, but also HAD to be given) position. And actually, from the start it's one of the things that draws Francis and LT to each other- because actually (and this would be part of a larger essay on Crozier, had I less brain fog and more time), I see a lot of Clarice in Francis. In a very similar way, the way the anti-Irish sentiment towards him in particular manifests in the way a lot of characters treat him, is very similar to those very scenes in which Clarice is surrounded by men who dismiss and discredit her. Francis has to face a lot of the same stuff- even though we only really know with the benefit of hindsight that he was actually 100% right about what their strategy should have been, but regardless. He's dismissed by Sir John as speculative and alarmist (and a drunkard- which is another byproduct of Irish oppression under imperial rule) when he actually does have better credentials for arctic AND antarctic survival. James dismisses him as melodramatic. Hickey (as well as a good laundry list of others) don't even fully take his orders as seriously- and it could very well likely be because of this, reinforced by the dismissive attitude that his other two commanders took. And at least where my line of thought with Lady Terror is concerned... seeing someone else go through the same thing... tends to light a fire under people. Make them want to support each other in spite of potential consequences. And there are really only two other people on these ships that I feel would be able to understand that it's just the same imperialistic mindset projected onto another arbitrarily and unjustly perceived by said imperialistic mindset as lesser. One of them by direct understanding, and the other because he's a wise old goat who has seen this happen to people he adores before and understands.

[kindaeccentric]

When I was writing my university bachelor's degree thesis (that I'm still to defend) about Penny Dreadful as a modern adaptation of Frankenstein I noticed how the original novel's homoeroticism is realized by the series in an interesting way.

In the way he is presented, it seems to me that Victor secretly desires men, but thinks that only through creating a perfect one by himself he's allowed to touch other man's skin. His endeavour to pierce the veil between life and death is an excuse, since Victor from the series grew up lonely after the death of his mother and he searches for companionship, for someone who would love him unconditionally, like his mother used to. He believes he can find such love only in a person he creates himself, brings from the dead, and who would see him as his only friend, calm and obedient. Yet his first instinct is to make a man, not a woman, and a handsome man at that.

I can imagine both Rory Kinnear and Alex Price are not everybody's cup of tea (I do find them attractive, they are quite charismatic), but the way the original Creature and Proteus are shown makes them attractive. Proteus we see through Victor's eyes, when he is tending to his body before its even reanimated, when he sketches him (a sure sign of affection) and when he teaches him how to eat in a way that becomes seductive, because of how the camera lingers on his lips and then, in a closeup, on his fingers running down his long throat, immediately bringing to mind erotic imagery. Some may argue that Victor tries to emulate the relationship between his mother and himself taking the parental role and projecting onto Proteus the role of his childhood self, and as much as it is partially true, their relationship bears these marks of hidden desire on Victor's part from the start. The image at the end of the first episode when Proteus is born shows Victor trembling, teary-eyed, looking at the body, a torn and stitched back together, but human body, of a naked man. He's afraid, but not necessarily of the man, but of finally getting what he wanted, it's a fear resulting from excitement. Then the man is touching his face tenderly and Victor, still trembling, cannot stop himself from a little smile. Their faces are softly illuminated by the orange light of the gas lamp, creating an intimate atmosphere of a warm bedroom. Victor practically gasps hearing his own name smoken by Proteus. I doubt all of it was intentional in the way I read it, but it doesn't change the fact that the final scene can be easily interpreted this way.

Then the original Creature, with the violence surrounding his return, presents him as highly masculine, smart, powerful, a direct opposite to the delicate, clueless Proteus Victor could easily form into whatever he wanted. The Creature throughout the entire series is perceived as ugly by some and easily tolerated by others, making his ugliness purely subjective, since, despite his small deformities he remains strangely alluring with his gothic qualities (black long hair, black lips, white skin, yellow eyes, proportional features) of a dark brooding gentleman. With blood on his face he becomes vampire-like (vampires always a symbol of hidden desires and 'depraved' sexuality, the Creature and Victor becoming a mirror image of Vanessa and vampire Mina, both Creature's and Mina's monstrosity an indirect result of Victor's and Vanessa's desire towards having a same-sex companion). The Creature touches Victor's face, a callback to Proteus doing it, but the Creature is not gentle, he smears blood all over Victor's face (blood in vampire narratives was always a symbol for other bodily fluids, that's why it seems so sexy, it also gained another meaning in the 80s, due to the HIV epidemic, which no filmmaker can shake off if they tried, I could discuss it more with The Lost Boys, but no time for that right now).

The dynamic between Victor and the Creature is a reversal of Victor's budding relationship with Proteus, experience winning over innocence. Victor is under another man's rule, and it terrifies him, because it would force him into a position of having to admit his attraction, whereas as the one in control he could have still easily deny it. The Creature, with all his attributes, symbolizes carnal love, he's all 'body', where Proteus was virginal, pious love (to an extent). In one of the scenes where we see Proteus he looks up into the skylight at Victor's apartment and appears angelic, as if in a halo of white light.

It's revealed Victor never had a woman, and the series wants the viewer to believe it's because of his awkwardness and passion for science that consumed him, but his dedication to creating himself male companions instead of searching for a living female one is exactly what makes him seem more queer coded.

It's clear that the lack of paternal figure results in Victor quickly becoming close with older men he encounters (Sir Malcolm, Van Helsing), but it also puts him into a position where he's constantly surrounded by men, with whom he feels more at ease, and is intimidated by women. The rivalry between him and Ethan is that of siblings, until the moment when Ethan teaches him how to shoot a gun. It might be a stretch (it is a bit of a stretch, I admit), but a gun often, especially in horror, alongside a knife, represents manhood and masculine power. Victor allows Ethan to touch him and encourages him to show off with the gun, which is a scene all too familiar from many other movies where the role of Victor is reserved for a woman and the interaction is flirtatious (can't pull examples out of thin air, but if you saw over 1400 movies like me you know I'm not lying). All this adds to the general image of Victor.

The Creature and Victor, when they are on a walk, have a very revealing conversation in which the Creature points out how quick Victor was to grow attached to his more perfect man, and Victor doesn't deny it, he admits that he did in fact feel affection towards Proteus, although the meaning of it as the scorned past partner expressing jealousy over the love he didn't get while someone else did is largely subtext. When the Creature says that he's lonely, Victor answers 'I cannot love you' (paraphrase, because I can't find the exact quote right now) and the Creature, disillusioned, mocks him, 'I do not want what you cannot give' suggesting that Victor, by making himself a meek obedient man, is selfish, cruel, manipulating, and a coward, therefore could not have loved Proteus truly. Then again, Victor cannot bring himself to love his original Creature, because he's not the ideal man he envisioned and by then the Creature being too aware of his flaws of character. The Creature/Caliban/John Clare knows that Victor is 'monstrous', not just because he's someone who desecrates dead bodies, plays God and abandons his creation, but because of his queer desire. It's important that in the case of Penny Dreadful 'monstrosity' signifies many different things, literal (being a vampire werewolf, witch, and so on), metaphorical (bad deeds, like letting your son die a horrible death, cheating, killing etc.) and wholy subjective, merely condemned by ignorant society (Sembene's blackness, Brona's sex work, Lily's want to be equal or greater than men, Vanessa's want for sexual freedom, the Creature's ugliness, Angelique being transgender and other cases), so it's NOT that much of a stretch this time.

We also have the whole problem with Lily. Victor is so attached to Lily (who takes up both Elizabeth's and creature's bride parts in the novel) because he believes that only by possessing a good woman he'll be redeemed for his 'sinful' desires, but he's foolish to think that. This belief reduces a woman to a semi-maternal, semi-virginal angelic ideal with no sexual urges or agency, like virgin Mary. Lily is a true replacement for Victor's mother, and his imagined redemption. As long as she's similar to Proteus, in that she's not sexual, and pure like an angel. Yet Lily is not a woman in that sense. She is another of Victor's creatures, so she partially also takes over the role of the original Creature from the novel, a male. She's not an ideal of a Victorian obedient wife, she has power, or tries to have it, but power in the context of patriarchal society is masculine by nature. The moment she drops her pretenses of a weak delicate wife-like girl Victor does not want her like this. He doesn't want a woman that is sexually liberated, because he doesn't like women in this way, and yet, by being similar to the first Creature (from Victor's perspective, from hers John Clare is similar to Victor-a man, I could delve into Brona's sexuality, but later, this thing is already way longer than I intended) she's 'the man' he wanted.

There is also Henry. Henry Jekyll takes the role of his namesake in the novel, Henry Clerval, Victor's closest friend, and a character most often cited to have homoerotic tension with Victor. It's true that some of the eroticism might be accidental, stemming from the prevalence of homosocial interactions in 'Frankenstein' which in turn is a result of misogynistic nature of 19th century Genevian society and in-novel universe reflecting it, but like I mentioned before, it still feeds into the queer reading of the text and translates beautifully into Jekyll and Victor being both extremely misogynistic towards Lily and their mutual homoerotic tension. In the scenes where Henry purposes his plan to Victor he practically seductively purrs it into his ear, Lily becomes merely a female buffer that allows for that interaction, a female presence which is an excuse for male closeness (here I have a couple of examples actually: Dead Ringers, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Scream (in a roundabout way, through murder) and a couple others, but that deserves its own article). I won't even mention more references to the novel, because that's a lot already.

Penny Dreadful, although I believe largely unintentionally, expands on what is already there through the changes it introduces in relation to the novel's plot. I have nothing else smart to say, I just think it's worth considering.

*I use the word 'queer', because that's the umbrella term we use in academic writing for years now and even our lgbt+ group at university is called 'queer', so don't come at me with stupid takes

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “Perfect Timing.”

Alright everyone. I am beginning to realize that maybe expecting myself to write a story every week day with a job and trying to get into grad school and writing a second novel might be a bit..... excessive?

So I am going to try for three times a week. I hope you all stick around :)

And I hope you enjoy today’s story as well. 

Adam stood with his hands behind his back, feet spread to shoulder width. He would never have noticed by himself, but the men and women around him stood a little straighter and stepped a little faster under his watchful eye. Once upon a time they might have only hastened their work if he directly asked them too, but just his mere presence these days could send his crew scurrying to do their work. He hadn’t really changed anything about the way he commanded his men. He was firm when he needed to be but allowed for brevity when it would suit the situation.

However, a few years and some tough lessons was slowly shaping him into the kind of man who could command thousands, sharp posture, calm confidence, and a keen eye. 

But then again anyone who could appear professional while wearing high top heelies was a man to be reckoned with.

Sunny walked up next to him her pearlescent white armor glowing under the light as she leaned on the shade of her matching spear. Her head was held high like his. Where once she had been locked up, and defensive, she now stood with the calm confidence of someone who understood what control meant.

Together they had come a long way.

She tilted her head, “You really think he’s going to let you race this…. It’s a million dollar piece of military hardware, they don’t stand a chance.”

Adam didn’t move, hands still clasped behind his back as he  stared up at the F-90 Darkfire he was preparing for the race, “I wouldn’t be so sure…. I’ll be lucky to come in last place.”

Sunny frowned confused, “I saw those shuttles, they were junk shows.”

He lifted his head as the F-90 was rolled across the deck.

“This is a race, it isn’t combat. She was built for dogfights which means she is going to be heavier than the others. Wing tip to wing tip she is also going to be a little longer than the other shuttles and jets making maneuvering around obstacles more difficult. Sure she likely has a more powerful engine, but that can be as much of a detriment as it is a leg up.”  He gestured in the vague direction of the race course, “We are going to be racing through the planet’s smaller rocky ring. It has an unusual amount of larger, thick chunks which we are going to have to manuver around: the kind of conditions you might see in science fiction movies when they talk about an asteroid field. Asteroid fields are generally too far apart to cause any real issue, but here the rocks are dense, and my flying is going to have to be on pont, having a more powerful engine is going to make her more touchy, and my fitness on the controls is going to have to be absolute.”

Sunny tilted her head listening as he continued. She liked it when this side of him came out. There was something about the analytical, logical side of Adam she found….. Very appealing.

He walked forward to examine the jet himself, “Furthermore, I don’t know if you noticed, but there were a few jets there that weren’t exactly junk shows. A few of them were pretty top of the line, and most of them were built for racing. Lighter, sleeker, faster, and with more engine control than mine.

A lot of my maneuverability is lost out of the atmosphere. This isn’t about how well you can manipulate wind currents, this is going to be all about the very minute rotation of the rear and and wing engines. Their wings are smaller and closer in meaning they are going to rotate more easily than me.

She walked up with him and put a hand on his shoulder, “You forgot to fact in one thing.”

He frowned and looked up, “Oh, what did I miss.”

She smiled slightly, “The skill of the pilot, and I know for a fact that we have the best pilot this side of Andromeda. You can have the best plane in the world, but if you have a shit pilot, then a good pilot in a flying trash can has a chance of winning.”

He Smiled, “Thanks, I needed that.”

He stepped back, “Still it doesn't pay to be too cocky. I have a feeling these people have raced this before, they are going to know what they are dealing with, and I am going tinto this completely blind. This is a test to see if my instincts are better than their practice…. Who knows it could be a very close run thing.”

He moved forward to do an extra check on the outside of the ship despite having a whole team of people to do it for him. Adam had learned to delegate a lot of his responsibilities onto others to avoid burnout, but this was one thing he never left to other people. He came back after a thorough check of the ship and stopped next to her.

His head was tilted to one side as he looked at the machine sitting before him.

“It is missing something.”

Sunny turned her head to look at him, “What?”

He smiled, “Do we have anyone here who has experience with graffiti?”

***

Donavan Red met him when he entered the hanger, wearing his flight suit and holding his helmet under one arm. He had gone for some of his more simple equipment. Didn’t want to give the guy an excuse to blame his skill on technology.

Red looked him over.

“Nice suit, princess.”

Adam just smiled thinly looking around at the other pilots, “I see I might be under-dressed.”

To be far though, he wasn’t exactly sure what he would have described the dress code, if he had to put it on an invitation. 

The most apt description seemed to have been.

Dress for Pissing contest.

The men and women wore their uniforms in the same way NASCAR drivers might, covered in logos and patterns. Some of them were clearly custom ordered with personal designs on the backs or the helmets, some sporting flames, others cartoon animals, one guy was just covered in black and white skulls.

The affect up close was ok, but from a distance he just looked like an over excited dalmatian, or maybe some kind of flamboyant cow.

A few of them went for color themes, neon red on black. Neon green on blue.

Most of them tried to coordinate with the matching colors on their ship, each trying to outdo the next.

Red smirked.

The docking bay light began to blink red as the airlock was engaged, and the all turned to watch as the doors opened, and Adam’s jet rolled into the docking bay. She was simultaneously both very impressive and very not impressive. She was an instrument of war, and he rockets lined up on either side of her wings said as much. Adam had once considered her rather sleek in comparison to other jets of the day, but looking at her now in comparison with the racing planes and he couldn’t help but compare her to a pitbull or a bulldog next to greyhounds or whippets.

She rolled up slowly and Red raised an eyebrow.

“A whose guy huh?”

Adam smirked, “I don’t know, I kind of like it.”

They both looked up as the F-90 stopped in place, and along her side in delicate blue cursive script was the name Cinderella. The man who had done the graffiti  had even taken the time to add some stylized pink roses to the front and end of the word giving it a finished look.

Donavan seemed both amused and annoyed at the same time.

The men and women around him turned to look over ridicule dying on their lips as they saw the smirk on his face.

It was made pretty clear.

He was going to beat them, and when he beat them, he was going to have a princess logo on the side of his jet, never mind all of their cool paint jobs.

Donavan frowned but then turned to everyone, “Alright load up!.” Adam did as ordered, switching seats with the young pilot in the cockpit and strapping himself in. he adjusted his controls, did a quick once over, and then pulled some power from his engine.  There was going to be an overwhelming desire to go fast, but he knew that speed wasn’t going to win him this race.

The jets began lining up next to each other, and to his surprise, one of the sleek racing models sidled up next to him, and when he looked over, he saw Donovan Red cambering into the cockpit.

That didn’t exactly bode well, but what was there to do about it.

He felt cool oxygen spilling  onto his mouth and nose as the orange tinted visor dropped down over his eyes. He opted not to use the heads up display preferring to see everything around him as he was flying. 

They were all in a line now, and up ahead a large projection appeared on the docking bay doors.

Red lights began to blink as the docking bay was cleared of everyone except for the jets.

The image of a woman appeared on the screen before them.

It was one of the women he had seen before in her cut off jean shorts and tight tank top.

“Ladies and gentlemen start - your - ENGINES!”

All around him the room was filled with a roar as the group of people pushed their engines to an idle.

He could feel the jet underneath him as it thrummed and whined vibrating into his gloves and down into his skin.

His very bones could feel the trembling.

“The course is simple, one lap around the rocky interior ring of the planet. Rules are only this, no leaving the ring, no weapons, and no teams, every man for himself. If the race moderators see any of this, you will be thrown from the race.”

She smiled and leaned back to reveal two green flags in either hand.

She began to wave them.

“On your mark!”

He took a deep calming breath forcing his hand to relax.

“Get set.”

He felt his heart beating  hard against his ribcage, his stomach crawled up into his throat, and he felt the sudden and overwhelming need to pee.

“GO!”

THe airlock doors shot open faster than they should have been able, a clear sign someone had bypassed safety protocols. Caught off guard by this, Adam shot out of the gate slower than he would have liked. Already the racing  jets streaked ahead, their quicker sleeker designs looking right at home against the blackness of space.

He had to remind himself that in space, without wind resistance, sleek didn’t mean shit.

If he was good enough he could have piloted a brick to win.

He gave more joice to the engine and shot forward. He cut under one of his other opponents and then cythed up next to a second.

He was there for only a moment when he saw something coming in from his right.

Instincts had him move fast, and he turned horizontal  shooting upwards just as another jet tried to push him out. He was flying over the two of them now, and gave another burst shooting forward and past them.

This open stretch was the only time he was going to be able to use the power of his engine to his advantage, so he gave her a little more juice and shot forward catching up quickly with the racing models at the front. Two of them cut sideways attempting to block his path. He cursed, forced to fire his engines backwards so as not to go crashing into them. 

The ring was approaching quickly now, and he could see very clearly that they had not been kidding. The belt was dense, less mate out of fine sand, and instead made up of billions of rocks some the size of him, others the size of cars, and even some the size of large houses. It was the strangest sort of formation he had ever seen around a planet, and he wondered idly how they stayed in orbit.

The two jets ahead of him cut right and then left as a rock came barreling towards him.

He shouted and rolled to the side barely avoiding a head on collision, his instincts saving him where his active brain could not.

He snarled.

“Pull it together.”

There was no time to be thinking, there was only time for flying.

WIth a practiced hand he toggled a switch on the side of his thumb, and his helmet was suddenly filled with the sound of music and drums. His brain focused inward and stopped thinking. He shot over and then under rolling between rocks just inches away on either side. Off to his right the planet below was glowing with the light of it’s star, a lightning blue halo around it where the atmosphere glowed.

He cut the left dove down and then rolled up.

He could see the other jets ahead of him cutting in and out through the rocks. His breathing grew even, his body relaxed, his brain heard nothing but the beat of the music and saw nothing but the obstacles ahead of him.

One of the jets pulled up next to him from behind recklessly rolling around one of the rocks. They were racing wing tip to wing tip now.

They cut right and left under and over he rolled left they rolled right. They were shaky just hanging on, but his flying was smooth.

Up ahead one of the other jets lit up with glowing orange as a set of flares broke from it’s back end shatting against the debris behind it.  Rocks were thrown off their normal course and went smashing into each other turning the rock field ahead of them into a meat grinder. Adam shot forward and dived downward while rolling tight, behind him the racer was unable to replicate the move and a piece of rock caught their wing sending them spinning off to the side and out of the ring.

Adam dodged a piece of debris coming in from his left, flipped upside down and shot diving upward and then righting himself just under the jet up front.

He could see the leader now, and recognized it as Red himself .

The jet above him attempted to drop down and knock him out of position, but he gave a burst to the engine and shot forward.

The jet behind him punched downward and nearly collided into a rock before pulling back into the palace.

Adam took their place in second.

Red could see him coming.

Another set of flares was released.

He checked his forward momentum and rolled three or four times to his right. G forces tugged at his consciousness forcing blackness to the edge of his vision. He tightened the muscles of his chest and stomach forcing blood back up into his head as he breathed out in short controlled bursts.

A rock flew overhead, he cut low, bumped up and then executed a rolling turn over a massive rock pulling in behind red and just up to the right to avoid another burst of flares.

The two of them were fighting for the front now.

And red was good, he knew how to handle a jet, but so did Adam.

They roared past a field of rocks splitting apart as a massive chunk came between them. Adam roared forward, and panicked for a single moment as he saw an impenetrable wall of rock appear just before him. Then a crack appeared. He fired the forward engine and cut horizontal passing through an opening that left him only feet to spare. Rock rose up to meet him, and he rotated his engine up dropping vertically before cutting sideways and passing under a rock. Teeth gritted, he punched upward passing through a gap just as it closed behind him.

A yell of exertain escaped his lips as he pulled straight up cutting up the side of a massive mansion-sized rock before diving right back down into the thick of it.

Red was gone, he didn’t see him anymore.

Was he up front?

And then the sleek black jet dropped down from above cutting him off.

He cursed and swerved low past another rock forced to cut diagonal back into line.

He pulled up wing to wing with the men again.

They dove, they pulled up and they took a wide turn ac coordinated together as a military formation never more than four feet apart.

They were going faster than they probably should have reacted. second by second he rolled left Red went right. They both met in a dive rolling past each other, wings almost touching before cutting upwards mirroring each other in opposite directions. The sound of the music melded with the path of his flight.

They were racing side by side just as one of the other jets roared over them careening out of control in a desperate attempt t o reach front. They watched him dive pull up cut left, and then a rock rolled right into their path. The two of them barely had time to react as the rock hit their right wing and then sent them slamming into the next boulder. There was an eruption and a brief ball of fire as oxygen was consumed from inside the cockpit. Debris blossomed up around them in a miniature explosion.

Adam greeted his teeth, eyes wide .

What was once a race suddenly turned into a battlezone. He and Red dove together rolling around the debris desperately trying to avoid getting cut in two. At these speeds, one hit would be the death of them. His heart raced in his chest as he pulled forward cutting  in the triangle made by three boulders side by side. Red mirrored him below.

A chunk of metal shot towards him, and he toggled his right wing burst just in time, lowering his left side just in time for the chunk to go flying past him. He pulled up with a gasp as a massive chunk of rock cut up before him. Red shot below and he rolled over the top coming into second place.

Up ahead a mining barge ascended through the line of rocks.

Adam roared with exertion as he pulled up and leveled out shooting right under the attached arm of the barge. Red lights erupted over it’s hull in a proximity warning as he went just inches overhead.

The barge driver, clearly spooked twisted to the side and the arm of the barge rolled with it, catching a boulder and sending it flying towards the grouping next to it, there was a sudden explosion of rock and again he was forced to roll to the side. Up down, over and under, cything between lines of rock.

He was almost hit once, then twice.

He toggled the forward engines, slowing himself down and then shooting straight up before continuing forward.

The rocks around him were rolling unpredictably colliding and then exploding into smaller pieces. There was no way he was making it through that alive.

He was rolling diving spinning twisting, and then, he felt it…. Something he had only felt on occasion. The world around him went silent, everything seemed to slow, and he was filled with…. With a feeling. It was like light, bursting out from his chest, rolling up through his skin and into his head.

He entered a moment of perfect execution. He cut into a tight roll his wings cything through the minute gaps between debris with timing so perfect it shouldn't have been humanly possible. Rocks passed by him at hundreds of miles an hour inches away  from the glass of his canopy, one wrong move and he’d be dead. He cut through a gap that gave him inches on either side rolld right dove down, turned left, spun once and then twice, and made a completely vertical ascent. Rocks flew past him on his right and on his left.

Up ahead he could see a gap slowly closing before him. He opened up his engine and shot forward so fast everything was a blur.

The rocks collided behind him as they snapped shut, and he flew into the clear firing forward to slow himself, and then red was there too descending from above spinning and wobbling, almost out of control and careening directly towards a house sized boulder.

He panicked firing up and down at the same time and sending him into a spin.

He was heading directly towards the rock .

WIthout thinking Adam locked onto the rock, and fired. A rocket under his wing detached and shot forward exploding violently just in time for Red to pass through unharmed. Red jolted awkwardly and rolled to one side. Adam cut past under from right to left and rolled straight over red to avoid a rock.

There was a moment where the two of them were staring at each other through the clear canopy.

Eyes met for an instant, and Adam could see the wide eyed fear on the man’s face., Then Adam rolled ahead ducking under the last rock and then bursting out into space.

He let the F-90 have her moment, and completely opened the engine shooting forward and cutting through the finish line which flashed bright green. In that moment He was hit with such a sense of exhilaration and joy that he couldn't imagine anything better. Who needed drugs, who needed love, who needed any of that when you could fly.

Hed did a triumphant loop whooping the whole way.

Of course, a feeling like that can never last long and slowly began to fade away. THe reality of what he had just done was both terrifying and amazing to the point he felt his body begging to shake. The tension and fear he had been holding back exploded inside him just like that joy and he found his hands trembling on the joystick.

He let it overtake him. He had been like this since he was young and fighting it would only make things worse. Despite his shaking hands he flew back to the docking bay and landed his jet with the precision of a surgeon. Finally when the engine was off and the flood stable underneath him he slumped back in his seat shaking and racked with rolling tremors. He closed his eyes and breathed long and slow.

Behind him the others came limping in.

None of them were completely unscathed, at least one person was dead. His hands continued to shake as the airlock doors shut, and as soon as the room was pressurized, he opened the cockpit. As soon as it did, Sunny came running into the room and up the ladder. SHeleft her spear on the floor and helped him to climb out.  His legs were shaking and he almost fell if it weren’t for her support.

She knew him too well, sitting him down on the lowest step and kneeling next to him.

“Are you ok?”

He grinned at her, “That was…. Holy shit.”

He held up his hand to watch the shaking, “I’m having an earthquake.”

It was just then that Red jumped out of his jet onto the floor. He staggered when he did but pushed away the men who tried to help, “What the ever loving FUCK just happened. The field had NEVER been like that. Jaz DIED out there, what the FUCK.” 

The people milled around in confusion.

Red turned to him, eyes narrowing as he stalked over. Adam sighed and looked up as the man stopped to stand over him

“I’m sorry, I’ll get out of your hair.”

The man paused confused, “What?”

“I broke the rules. Means I forfeit.”

Red looked almost nonplussed, “What are you on about?”

Adam slowly took to his feet taking a few more deep wreaths to steady himself before drawing to his full height. He was stead now and looked down at Red with an unwavering gaze. He held out a hand, “I used weapons during the race, that was against the rules. These weren’t flares to move the rocks. I used a targeted missile during the race and that means I broke the rules.”

Red stared at him.

Then he snorted, “Damn the rules. You saved my ass.” he turned to look at his people, “I am more than man enough to acknowledge that.” HE turned back to Adam, “You saved my life you crazy bastard. I am not even sure how you are still alive ….. Because that flying…. That was….. Holy fuck.” He grinned and took Adam by the shoulder, “you shaking, man.” He held up his hand to show a tremor, “Me too, now let's go get some drinks and talk this out. I owe you after all.”

The two of them walked off through the forest of shaken pilots, “You are the kind of man I can see myself doing business with.”

[moonmothmama]

i wish a lot of times that a work of fiction- book, film, tv show, what have you- would have been the potential i could see for it. like both in terms of story and in terms of avoiding ignorance and biases like racism sexism homophobia transphobia etc. like if only, you know? i mean, not to have unrealistic expectations of perfection; i know i for example am white and able-bodied and cisgender and within the stories i write i will most likely fuck something up, but man i'm trying. and i have the benefit of the wider conversation that comes with modern shit like internet access uniting people across the whole fucking globe and able to magnify the voices of the oppressed. like another example, imagine moby dick if herman melville had done better. it's obvious he had shitty white guy attitudes but, like from my perception of the novel and the pov character, there's a case to be made that he at least had some good intentions with regards to seeing past racial/cultural stereotypes, and it absolutely is done clumsily at best and the ignorance of the author is still painfully glaringly obvious but idk i can read that book and believe that he was trying, or at least coming from a place of some kind of genuinely positive intention, that he'd have done better if he'd shed his ignorance. ignorance is painful and does so much damage but it's only malice when it's intentional, when you intentionally cling to it*. and if your intentions are not malicious then the door is wide open to change for the better, as long as you can muster the humility to do it. and i'm not trying to make excuses you know? i realize i'm making an assumption that the author meant well and i have no proof of that, nor do i have proof that he didn't pass up opportunities to shed his ignorance. i could be baselessly projecting my own desire to Do Better onto the guy. and also it's been a hot second since i've read the book in full, and i'm viewing it through my own memories and emotions. but god, i'd really like to be able to believe the best about people once in a while, you know what i mean? or at the very least i'd like to imagine a version of a good story that isn't so tainted by the heavy bias and ignorance of it's author. idk man i'm definitely doing some kind of rambling right now but. imagine moby dick as it could have been without the story coming to us through the skewed lens of racist bullshit. i know that's impossible because the stories come from people and people are flawed. but like maybe at least we can just keep trying to get better, to make better stories and to tell old stories in better ways.

*-like joke rowling is doing for example. she could do better but she isn't so fuck her

[5lazarus]

Love and Red Ink

Varric tries his hand at a more literary Bildungsroman about his youth as a Kirkwall bohemian. Bianca tears it apart, editing for his own good. Sometimes love is in the margins, your almost ex-girlfriend telling you--I wasn't that pretty, when I was that young. Read on Archive of Our Own here.

Varric slips out of bed, sheets rustling, and puts his pants back on. He sneaks a quick glance at Bianca, who’s still sleeping. Her mouth is slightly agape, her hair dark with sweat. She looks old in the gray morning light, but they are old now. He’s turning forty in two months; she’ll be forty-two.

The inn she picked in Val Royeaux is adjacent to the alienage, and so accustomed to strange couplings. The clerks and the maids do not speak, and to those elves, every dwarf is interchangeable anyway. Her husband only gets angry when it’s too blatant, after all. The occasional assignation does no harm. It’s when they wander into the garden at Kirkwall parties, or spend whole Merchant Guild meetings giggling to each other, that he gets upset. Varric can’t blame him. He’d be upset too, if his wife were so obviously in love with another man.

Raggedly he drags his hand through his lank hair. He can’t think like this, let alone write. He finds a spare ribbon, borrowed from Daisy, in his coat pocket. Easier now he pulls back his hair, thinking he might have to order a bath, and perhaps Bianca can be coaxed to join him, she’s not due to meet the Comtesse ’til noon—and the words come marching orderly in their lines.

She snores gently, like a pampered house cat that still has its claws. The years have kept her svelte, her mouth as seductive as the first time he ever sank his teeth in, and Captain Donnen wipes the vestiges of plum lip-paint from his face. He leaves the mark on his collarbone; his shirt hides it, but he can feel it burning in his skin.

Varric grabs the leather-bound journal Hawke gave him for his birthday last year and throws himself onto his chair. He gropes about the desk, looking for a quill, but none the inn left have been sharpened. He’s got a new project going on, and he likes it, it’s easier to write than his detective stories, though he doesn’t think they’ll sell as well. He’s writing about love, real love for once, and he’s writing about youth. He’s writing about getting old. He’s writing about lovers who shouldn’t have been star-crossed, because the wedding was set, and he’s writing maybe about what could have happened if she showed up. He takes the quill and finds his penknife in his trouser pocket, almost ready to tack it down.

Then the words are gone, and he sees them for what they are: tawdry, tired, dull. Sighing, he gets up and opens the shutters. The morning flutters in, cracking the wheels of the wagons, the high voices of the sellers, the promise of spring. Varric turns around to look at Bianca, to see how the sunlight has transformed her, but she’s already up, half-dressed, her breasts swinging slightly as she laces herself into her boots first. He smiles. He’s never understood what she does that: put her trousers and shoes on first.

Bianca inquires, “Like the view?”

He gets behind her, rubbing himself against her as an answer, and traces his hands up her sides and onto her breasts. She laughs, leaning into him, and presses his hands onto her breasts.

“You don’t need to leave, not yet,” he says. She grinds into him as encouragement. This is why she puts her boots on first, he thinks. So they can do this.

“Babe,” Bianca says, “yes I do.” Now she pulls his arms away, gently. Varric sighs. She puts on her shirt but leaves it unbuttoned for now. She sits in the chair by the bed, but not on the bed, and grins up at him. “Besides, I don’t want to disturb you while you’re writing. You looked like you had a good idea.”

Varric waves a hand. “It’s crap. Most of the time, it’s always crap.”

Bianca shrugs. “Your readers say different.”

“Yeah, well, my readers aren’t that smart.”

“Hey, you said it, not me.” Bianca crosses her legs and begins doing up her shirt. “But at least you’re making people happy.”

Varric says, “You want to read what I’m working on now?”

“No.” It’s annoying how sexy she looks, saying that, staring up at him flatly.

Varric says, “Oh, come on, you never read my books. Why not just this once? I think you’d like this once.”

Bianca says, “I’m not your editor or your wife, Varric.” Varric flinches, and Bianca looks away. Grudgingly, she relents. “What’s it about?”

Varric offers her the notebook. He’s easy with letting people see first drafts, half the fun of writing is seeing how his friends like it. Hawke encourages his worst metaphor. Isabela, out of all people, makes him cut them back. Bianca’s never liked reading much, it’s something he’s learned to accept about her, but if it’s about them, perhaps it will be better this time.

He says, simply, “Us.”

Bianca’s eyebrows raise. She stares at the journal in his hand. “I don’t want to read that.”

Varric says, “We weren’t that dumb, when we were young. I changed the name. It’s not that autobiographical. No one would recognize it, besides you. Or Bartrand. And it’s not like he’s capable of reading anything right now.”

“Who wants to read about two rich kids deciding to listen to their parents?” Bianca says. “Who wants to read about getting old? You’re a good storyteller, Varric. Stick to your stories. You don’t need to tell truth.”

Varric grins. “Who said I didn’t exaggerate?”

“I’m certain you described my breasts as much bigger than they actually are,” Bianca says flatly. He waves the book around her, and her expression tightens. “Stop that.”

“Nah,” Varric says. “Make me.”

Her eyes narrow. She likes a challenge. She leaps from the chair, snatching it from his hand so fast he flinches. He forgets, sometimes, how much stronger she is than him. She keeps in better shape than him, she has to, being that involved in the Merchant’s Guild. The stakes are so high, when you’re trying to bribe your way back into Orzammar.

She flips the notebook open, turning to a random page, and reads aloud, “She was the flame in that dark garden, and we were all drawn to her, turned to little insects in her radiant light. It was cold that night in Kirkwall, and I remember stamping my feet to keep off the chill as I smoked, listening to the revelry in the ballroom. Then she stumbled past, brilliant in red velvet, and said, ‘Quick, hide me—I just poisoned Eldric’s lover. Oh, is that elfroot? I’ll take that too.’ Her chest heaved as she panted to catch her breath—Varric, what the fuck is this?” She’s laughing now. “You’re making me sound a lot more—edgy than I ever was.”

“You were edgy,” Varric says helplessly. “You were the first dwarven woman I met who didn’t give a damn for the rules.”

“My mom told me to poison Amara,” Bianca giggles. “And I was the one who had the elfroot.”

Stonyfaced he watches her attempt and fail to suppress her laughter. She turns to another page, throwing herself back into the chair. Varric watches impassively. He’s remembering why he stopped pressing her to read his writing. She’s always such a bitch about it.

Bianca says, “Oh, Varric. I was never that pretty, not even when I was young.”

“You’re beautiful,” Varric almost croaks.

Bianca says, “You’re sweet, but I’m not. And I’ve never tried to be. If you were going to write about me, that should’ve been it. About a girl who says she’s not going to be a noble-hunter and wins an apprenticeship to a mechanic instead. About the first surfacer paragon. Or the first surfacer who they said should be a paragon, and how I built my clan back up.”

“Which you’ve done,” Varric says, “beautifully.”

She rolls her eyes. “And what’s this? Really, Varric, your prose is purple but this is a bit much. How many times are you going to compare me to a flame? I thought you hated the heat. Is that the point? Is it a metaphor, for how I burned you?”

Varric takes the notebook from her, scowling. “Alright, alright. That’s enough, you don’t need to go on about it. I just…I just wanted to try something different, that’s all. Sorry I didn’t write when we first me the way you liked it. I always thought you were the most beautiful thing I’d laid eyes on. Brilliant. That’s what I was trying to say.”

Bianca softens, and she pushes herself up and into him. Stiffly, he lets her maneuver around him. She pats the side of his face twice, like a slap without heat—or the way you dismiss a child. “Then just say it. You don’t need to write it. You always get me wrong, that’s why we never worked.”

“We still work,” Varric says. “We’re here, aren’t we?”

Bianca says, “Stick to your crime novels, babe. That’s the sort of shit people want to leave.” Gently Varric disentangles him from her. He grabs his shirt and finishes dressing. He can hear her behind him, getting ready. He needs a bath, he needs a shave, he needs to wash his hair.

Bianca opens the door. “Don’t take it too personally. I hate romance. Sorry I was so harsh. Anyway, I have to get to work.”

Varric says, “Yeah.” He leans against the desk, away from the window. Despite the sun the room feels inexorably dim, or maybe it’s his heart. He wants a drink. He’ll get a bath instead.

“I’ll see you when I see you?” Bianca flashes a smile and lets the door shut. He closes his eyes and listens for her heavy footsteps down the hall, then onto the staircase, each step creaking as she launches herself out of the inn and into the next step of her career.

He thinks, I shouldn’t write about something that never fucking ends.

[brown-little-robin]

@called-kept I deleted your ask from forever ago before I decided to answer it... *pensiverat* but I think you asked 9, 10, 11!

9. Do you project onto characters in your work?

Project? I’m not sure what this means, honestly. I do get invested in their stories, and I’m emotionally attached to them. I do, I admit, use the drama of their stories to work through my own emotions, especially when I’m in the low points of my mental up-and-down. And I tend to put a lot of my own personality into main characters. But they’re their own people. They have their own backgrounds, their own motivations. Thaddeus is the closest to me, personality-wise, but even he makes choices I would never make, and not just because he’s more courageous. And some of my characters, like Toad, are VERY unlike me.

I do my best to honor my characters’ stories, not just make them puppets. Here is something important about my writing process: if I start thinking of a character as a tool, a symbol, or a puppet, the story falls apart. I just can’t do it. I can’t write allegorically. I NEED to think of the characters as real. I cannot force myself to care about a character who I can’t believe has a whole entire life enough to write about them. I can’t do it.

(I don’t enjoy reading allegories, usually. The Man Who Was Thursday is the one exception, and I still find it grating that it’s somewhat allegorical. I think that’s not bad, just the way God made me. God’s thought is exceedingly broad, as Kaylie would say. Or, it takes all kinds to make a world, as mom might say. I can appreciate allegories intellectually, but I just don’t enjoy it.)

10. What’s something you’d like to explore in your writing but haven’t had the chance yet?

Nonhuman characters. I want to get deeper into fantasy than I have yet. The Strange Redemption and Toad Story are fabulous, but I would like to get deeper into the fantasy genre, if you know what I mean. I adore things like six-legged alien biology and intricate sci-fi android mechanics and sentient spaceships and dragons and sentient mushroom caverns and so on. What does it mean to be an embodied being? How do our bodies affect how we think? And inter-species relationships (NOT IN A WEIRD WAY UGH) are a lot of fun.

11. What’s one of the best pieces of writing advice you’ve ever received (or had to learn on your own?)

To complete a writing project requires many, many factors to be correct, not all of them in your control. If you don’t have a story idea AND writing skill AND time to write AND desire to write AND something that I call “brainspace”, no amount of force of will can make you pump out a novel in a year.

I felt pretty bad about not writing a novel by the time I was seventeen. And then I took a look at my life and realized: I had an idea, I had writing skill, I had time (debatably), I had desire, but I was living a stressful life and I did not have brainspace. I had to have space to heal and get some emptiness in my brain before I could write. All of what I did then built up the compost pile I draw from in writing; the reading, the bits of writing I did, the living, walking, cooking, researching psychology... I just needed to be in a healthier moment in my life to finish a project.

Have compassion with yourself.

[nyerus]

Hi, nyerus.....If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite MXTX characters (top 5 from each novel)? And why? I'm sorry if you've answered this question before.

Thank you so much for asking! I would love to! (Apologies for the delay, and also for how long this is lol....)

TGCF

1.) Xie Lian: I could write forever about why I love him, but XL is just a really great character who subverted my expectations. He's gentle and compassionate, but also funny and snarky on the inside. His character arc is the classic hero's journey but told out of order. So we meet him when he's already wise and world-weary, then get to see what he was like before, and how he finishes his journey later on. He's extremely inspiring, to show that our choices and our actions are what make us, and ultimately no one can take those from us.

2.) Hua Cheng: This is no surprise! I also just adore HC for being a very intense character! He's completely devoted to XL and that zealotry is very unique in a character. He's 100%, not 50, not 75. While he has a lot of relateable aspects, this part of him is utterly fantastical, on the level only myth and fable can achieve--which tracks. After all, he isnt a Ghost King for nothing. In the story, he is the embodiment of the purest devotion, no strings attached.

3.) He Xuan: I actually like him for the same reasons as HC! He too is a walking fable, only instead of devotion, he represents vengence. (They're actually like foils of each other, which is quite neat.) I really adore his arc, and how murky his whole character is. It tells a cautionary tale of how sometimes, our worst enemy--the one who makes us most miserable--is often ourselves. SWD wronged him greviously, but HX's obsession with vengence ultimately prevented him from getting the peace and recompense he wanted in the end. Absolutely stellar storytelling.

4.) Mei Nianqing: While I often question his motives and methods, he is still a really good character. Caught between wanting to be a mentor and protector to XL, but still loving (platonically or romantically, that's up to you) JW. He's the only father figure in XL's life that actually took him seriously, even if he did have to come around to it. But ultimately, he was proud of who XL became even before he ascended. He was just terrified of XL drawing the attention of the one man he shouldn't--and did. However his belief in superstition and fear of Hong Hong-er also makes sense, even if it's sad. MNQ is also just a quirky and fun dude lol.

5.) Mu Qing: I really like how complicated and murky MQ's is in terms of his inner turmoil. I'm somewhat similar to him in the way he thinks, and it's real work not to make things worse for myself by expecting the worse. His background makes him naturally suspicious of... basically everyone, all the time, and it's honestly understandable. Ultimately, he does understand that you can't make assumptions about people's intentions by projecting your own insecurities onto them--which I think is something everyone can relate to. I really like his subtle journey of self-realization and self-forgiveness, and he ends up far better for it.

MDZS

1.) Lan Wangji: I love the fact that LWJ was just so ready to Night Hunt himself to death upon the loss of his beloved. As you can tell, I really like complicated characters who have extreme traits, haha! That being said, I just also really like his stoicism and reliability.

2.) Wei Wuxian: Naturally, it's hard not to love WWX! He decided "yeah maybe the ends do justify the means" and went for it. To us, he is the hero. To the regular people of the world? Whose ancestors were dug up and disturbed to be used by the Yiling Laozu? His blackened reputation is not without cause! (Like... JGY literally has done more positive and helpful things for regular people than Wangxian, but those metas already exist lol.) Once again, his gray morality is what makes him so damn good, and can be debated at length!

3.) Jiang Cheng: JC gets a bad rep, but oh boy he doesn't make things easy for himself at all. However if I was in his position, I probably would be much worse off. He lost EVERYTHING, and still trudged on because there were people who depended on him. His hatred of the Wens also makes sense in the context that... that's often how humans react to and process extreme trauma. We find something to blame and *waves at literally every major conflict since the dawn of time.* (His rumored torture of innocent people due to that is reprehensible, of course, but given that MDZS is a book about how rumors can make or break someone's life... we should take that line with a grain of skepticism, much like all other hearsay.) He's not typically the type of character I like, but I found him really interesting to read.

4.) Jiang Yanli: I really love JYL, who decided to be the emotional backbone of her family from the time she was a child. It was an undue and extremely heavy burden to bear, but she did all of it without complaint. That's strength. I think many elder siblings can relate to her having to step up and be the third parent, when the actual adults fail at it.

5.) Wen Qing: I really like her arc in the novel, where she makes some of the hardest decisions anyone will ever have to make, over and over and over again. I don't typically love very "rough" characters, but she has ever right to be that way (and it makes sense for her character, and isn't just a tacked-on character trait like hair color or eye color in a CC), and honestly I want to marry her very seriously.

SVSSS

1.) Luo Binghe: Probably the most misunderstood main character of all of MXTX's works. LBH is neither truly a crybaby nor is he a ruthless maniac. He's right in the middle, in the valley of misanthropy. And yet, he knows just how to use his charisma to get his way. Cunning and devious, intelligent and ruthless. Meanwhile, he craves love and intimacy--something he could only ever dream of.

2.) Shen Qingqiu (Shen Yuan): Extremely refreshing to see an transmigrator know how to handle transmigration almost flawlessly. (Me reading/watching other works with this trope and wanting to tear my hair out at the protags = me sympathizing on a personal level with SQQ.) This also proves to be SQQ's fatal flaw!! His knowledge of the novel is both a boon and a obstacle to him, and prevents him from understanding the other characters as people until he lets go of his pre-conceived notions. And of course, his snarky as heck inner dialogue is amazing.

3.) Liu Qingge: I don't actually even know why I love LQG as much as I do. He's just neat.

4.) Tianlang-Jun: Honestly same goes for TLJ. He's just great though, and I have a blast reading about him. He wanted to see the good in humanity, and ultimately comes around after writing them off.

5.) Yue Qingyuan: He's a fascinating character. Harmless on the outside, but a quagmire on the inside. His love for Shen Jiu was quite... problematic, in that he saught forgiveness from SJ, without actually ever taking the time to understand him or to make amends. Patronizing and judgemental, yet willing to let SJ get away with literally anything because of his own unresolved turmoil, etc etc. Fascinating.

[prettywordsyouleft]

Miss Writer

Pairing: Brian Kang x female reader

World: To Be Continued

Genre: writer au / fluff

Warnings: none

A/N: So I had no intentions of returning to the TBC world so soon, but as you can read below, I had a bit of trouble trying to write something for 2021 and this is the result of my nonsense thoughts at the time. I really am happy I wrote this as it feels like a good opening act for what’s to come this year!

Word count: 1558

“Hey! Did you hear about the writer who didn’t want to write?”

“They what?”

“She sat there for hours on end, just avoiding every idea that came to mind.”

“But why? Aren’t writers meant to write?”

“Why am I writing this?” you complained out loud, sighing heavily and leaning back in your computer chair. Staring at the basic dialogue in your word document, you groaned.

Why was it so hard to write?

You had been through this before. Where the words wouldn’t flow the right way, and your characters felt hollow.

But that was because Brian wasn’t in the story at the time.

You couldn’t solve this the way you had back then either. Once Brian had gone back into the world he had stepped out of, you finished the story without any further mishaps. In this case, you didn’t have any other fictional characters stepping out of any novel you had written to send back in. You didn’t even have a character to write about.

That was no doubt the whole problem.

“Miss Writer,” a voice called out, and you turned, smiling warmly at the man leaning against the threshold. Brian tipped his head in your direction. “How’s it going? Is your next bestseller getting ready to leap onto the pages?”

“Ha! At the rate I’m going, I might as well retire.”

“What?” Walking over to your side, Brian then leaned down to inspect your laptop’s screen. “You’ve written only four lines in two hours.”

“Four lines are better than none, though, I can’t say they’re four impressive lines,” you muttered, pouting up at the man. “I’m broken.”

“Shall I fix you?” he murmured, leaning down to kiss you. His lips were almost on yours when the doorbell rang. Brian heaved in a heavy breath. “If that’s Sungjin, I swear…”

“It’s probably Lily,” you mentioned with a knowing smile, climbing out of your chair and heading down to the front door to answer it. When you swung it open, however, you merely stared back at the woman standing there.

“Can we help you?” Brian asked from over your shoulder, right when you gasped noisily. “Y/N?”

“You’re… you’re… no way.”

Sungjin leaned around the side of the house and grinned. “Y/N! You need to stop making people so realistic that they come to life.”

“I’m confused,” Brian announced as you began to bounce with excitement, reaching out to touch the woman’s hand before you.

She grabbed it warmly and grinned at you. “I’m so amazed to finally meet you!”

“Ella,” you murmured and then glanced at Sungjin standing all too protectively at her side. “You found your Constable.”

“Ella?” Brian echoed and then lurched forward, leaning over you. “Ella from the Protector story?!”

Ella nodded and held out her hand to Brian. “You must be the first of our kind, Brian Kang, right?”

“Our kind?”

“Well, I had to explain it somehow to Ella,” Sungjin admitted with a chuckle. “It’s not every day that characters step out of documents, now is it?”

“Maybe that’s why I can’t write,” you murmured, watching the instant despair cross over your friend’s face, whilst a smug smile appeared on your partner’s. Rolling your eyes, you shunted Brian in the side before stepping aside and letting them inside. “Come, I promise this time I’m more equipped to dealing with my characters in the flesh. I won’t be fainting this time.”

“I’m starting to get worried now,” Brian confessed later in the evening as he carried your cat Binks around. “If Ella’s here too, who’s going to be next?”

“Well, considering I can’t seem to create anyone, you won’t have a problem any time soon.”

Brian pointed at you in warning. “Don’t you dare go opening Destined’s file.”

“Ooh, now there’s an idea!” you teased, grinning at Brian as you approached him. Stretching up to kiss him softly, you shook your head. “I doubt I could love anymore more than you if I tried.”

“And you always say I’m the charmer yet here you are causing my heart to go erratic with lines like that,” Brian stated with a giddy smile, his eyes disappearing and turning into little crescents.

“Well, you can’t be the one with the upper hand all the time.”

“Miss Writer.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think Ella is the problem this time. I think you’re just putting too much pressure on your shoulders.”

“Pressure?” you repeated with a frown and Brian placed Binks down before nodding at you. “Of course, I’m under pressure! I have to get my first chapter to Lily by next week, and I have nothing, not even a name.”

“You’re trying to write the next best thing, aren’t you?”

“That’s the whole concept of being an author, Brian. Writing something better than your last story. We’re always on the path of personal growth during this journey, Brian.”

“I know,” he agreed initially, rubbing your shoulders affectionately. You let out a small whine, not realising how tense your body was until he touched you. Brian instantly moved behind you and started working out the knots residing there. He stopped, leaning close to your ear. “But can’t you just write something for fun?”

“Fun?”

“Isn’t that the whole point of writing? To enjoy the world you create. You’ve been non-stop since I’ve known you. Before my world, you write a four part series with Jinyoung, then a three part series with me and Charli. Right after that, you completed Protector, and now you’re looking to follow that up as quickly as you can even though it’s only in the publication stages.”

Brian stepped around to face you, his face growing concerned. “Why don’t you slow down? Write something just for yourself.”

“I have. I wrote you into existence,” you reminded, and Brian slid his hands around your waist and tugged you closer. Placing your palms upon his chest, you gazed up at him lovingly. “I have to write something worth publishing.”

“Do you?”

“Huh?”

“Why not write something that the world will never see?” Brian offered and you chewed on your bottom lip in thought. “I think you’ve forgotten the joy of writing just for yourself, Miss Writer.”

The following morning, you sat at your desk deep in thought. Brian’s words had played over in your mind throughout the night and still were at the forefront of your mind now.

Did he think you had lost your personal enjoyment along the way as an author?

“Hey, that can’t be right,” you hummed, shaking your head before posing your index finger back up to your lips.

Had you?

The last time you had written something just for your own pure enjoyment was Destined. Sure, you had been excited by your ideas ever since, and laughed, cried, grown frustrated and been endlessly happy with the words you had crafted. But you were also contracted to write down those words. Since the third part of Destined, you had been signed under the publishing house you belonged to and had written consistently since. You hadn’t taken any time to write for yourself, aside from short stories here and there when you didn’t feel like working on a bigger story.

Even though you had enjoyed the journey thus far, it hadn’t been one you took alone.

“Maybe Brian’s right,” you said, blinking a couple of times before reaching into the top drawer of your desk for your external hard-drive. Glancing at the clock to see how much time you had left before Brian got home from running errands, you took in a deep breath, opening up your older fiction files.

Back here you were full of naivety and fresh ideas. The world was your oyster, as the saying went, and you had been hoarding many of them. As you scanned the title of projects you once hoped to write, you shook your head in amazement.

“There’s so many ideas here that I haven’t tried yet,” you breathed, stopping on one and clicking to expand the notes on it. “Wow, an enemies to lovers story.”

You continued to make your way through, finding an assortment of ideas. From fluff to angst, and all those in between, you had ample inspiration here to fill an entire year of stories.

“Should I indulge myself in writing these for a bit and come back to writing my next novel at a later date?” you wondered, your smile growing as your computer’s cursor hovered over an idea that piqued your interest.

“I’m back!” a voice called out and you spun around in your chair, leaping up and dashing into the arms of the man you loved. Brian chuckled. “Well, I missed you too!”

“You were right! Instead of looking for the best idea for my next story, I need to take some time off and write for me.”

“I was, huh?” he mused with satisfaction, cupping your face within his hands. “So what do you plan to write next?”

“I have so many ideas! There’s general domestic stories and a murder mystery, some periodic pieces about pilots and regency era based ideas. Of course, there’s a bunch of fluffy ideas, with a few royal au ones and even pirates! But you know, there’s one I really want to try first.”

“Which is?”

You grinned before poking his nose fondly. “You’ll just have to wait and find out what’s to come.”

_________________

All rights reserved © prettywordsyouleft

[DAY6 Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

[videogamelover99]

how would you have liked row to end?

Right. So spoilers for Rule of Wolves, obviously.

Let me preface this by saying that I absolutely adore the Darkling’s arc in the story. The first part of the novel has him be on the backseat for most of the time, with Zoya, Nikolai, and the rest of our lovable gang figuring out how to stop the country from exploding. When Leigh does introduce him to the rest of the story, he makes a deal with Nikolai and Zoya, seemingly for sentimental reasons, only to fuck off once he gets his powers back, proving he can never be trusted and that he always has another agenda going. Something we’re already very familiar with in TGT. 

Then we get is POV.

Leigh had two options when she decided to write from the Darkling’s point of view. His character had always thrived from the mystery of his true motives, whether what Alina sees as sympathetic human traits are even there at all, or whether it’s all manipulation. Bardugo could have either 1) tried to immitate the same mystery with his POV. We see his perspective, but it doesn’t actually give us that much information about what he his, what his real throughts are. Or 2) she could peel back the curtain. And she went with option 2.  

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He kept the thorn hoping it would work, and it did, but we know that he’s hardly the infallible mastermind everyone else percieves him to be. Yuri (lets appreciate for a moment how fucking hillarious it is that the guy is still there) asks the Darkling why he wanted to see Alina. Because I needed my power back, was his first reply. Then: Because she makes me feel human. 

And that’s the point of the Darkling’s character. It was always this and. It was always Alina’s power, and her as a person that drew him. It was always saving the grisha and being remembered by them. With the “monk’s” POV, we get a Darkling that’s surprisingly honest and self-aware and grounded, someone who feels a lot, and hates it. He does what he can to further his goals, but he isn’t an emotionless lump of rock, he’s very, very much human. It shows from the ruthful anger he feels about seeing his Morozova’s church, to the discomfort in seeing a bunch of fantatics follow him so blindly. He gets annoyed at the shitty food and the ignorant people, and cynical about the state of the country. I think the reason why so many Darkling fans dislike his POV is because he was always a mystery before now, so people could project whatever version of the character they wished onto him. And when canon Darkling did not match that, people got annoyed. (Luckly, he fits with my interpretation of his character like a glove, so, I loved every second of it).

Throughout his weird un-redemption arc, we see him start to question what his legacy would mean and what he’s really fighting for. It culminates to him seeing the destruction Otkazat’sya weapons can bring and saving Nikolai. Then being like “bye bitch you’re on your own now I’ve fulfilled my heoric quota for the day”. Where the story falls flat is that space between him manipulating the court into accepting Zoya as their queen and Chapter 48, with the Thornwood. There is a huge logical leap from a man who is willing to let his enemy have the throne, knowing he could manipulate the situation if need-be, to a man who is willing to give all that up to save Ravka and spend an eternity in agony. Like, the entire exchange seems so out of character for him. Why not just find some other immortal to stuff into the tree? Why put his sainthood above his own life and wellbeing? There is an unwritten chapter in his POV between the scene with Zoya being called queen and Chapter 48 that could have connected those dots and made his decision make sense, but it’s just not there. Or maybe it was cut out. Where is the forbidden chapter, Leigh, I want it.

Anyway, I dislike the whole Thornwood ending in general. It’s clear that this is a sort of “well he has to pay for his crimes somehow so lets invent the most torturous way possible”, in vein of all those other redemption arcs that have been realized through suffering. Except, that’s so overdone. And so cheesy. And just. Not at all what his character needed, which is something grounding. 

In part I, Zoya remarks that the Darkling could never get his powers back and could spend the rest of his mortal life living like every other man. Which, uh, sets him off. Because that is what he’s afraid of. Being someone inconsequential. If Leigh wanted him to pay for his crimes, she didn’t have to go all dramatic torture tree, she could have made it so the only way to close the gap is for him to lose his powers. And boom! He would have had to make a decision between keeping something so essential to himself, and saving Ravka. And he would have chosen Ravka, because at the end of the day, he saw that eternity surrounded by nothing but dead grey sand is no eternity at all. He would have made the real meaningful sacrifice. He would have been the same as Alina - powerless.

This ending could have also set up the interesting dynamic that was between him, Nikolai, and Zoya in the rest of the novel. He pops up when he wants to, manipulates situations in his favor, then fucks off until he wants them to find him again. He could have been a chaotic agent that could have either desided to help them in some way, guide them, or further his own agenda, how brief it would have been in his mortal life. And that’s how I wished it would have ended!

That being said, the whole tree thing could have just been Bardugo setting up the new SOC book XD. And if he’s in it, and if he doesn’t just die immediately when they pull him out of that tree, we might see more of the Darkling’ arc after all. Hell, maybe the whole death thing is a metaphor, and I was right, and he’ll die of old age a few decades from then cause he’d lose his powers. Here’s hoping. 

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Rae

Rae has 16 stories at Gossamer. If you like MSR, you should go check them out, including (but not limited to) the fun-titled, banter-filled The Cat, an Espresso and a Bag of Sunflower Seeds. Big thanks to Rae for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It surprises me that anyone reads my fanfic at all, let alone they are reading it 20 years after I wrote it!

But in the same vein, I am still actively reading xfiles fanfic and I tend to read the older fics, or new fics by authors I recognize or remember from back in the day. I cannot explain this lack of rationale. 🤷

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I had a great experience with the X-Files fandom! I made some fantastic friends - many even attended my wedding! I didn't really get involved in the dramas that went on. I was aware of it, but really, I just wanted to discuss my show with people that loved it like I did and read the fic, so I ignored all the other static.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Mainly message boards. AOL chat rooms, Yahoo groups, etc. We would all sign on after the episode aired and chat about it. Deconstruct it. And then we started traveling to meet each other and the real fun began!

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

It was definitely a growing experience. It forced me to step outside my comfort zone a little bit. Traveling to NYC, LA and Chicago to meet people just to fangirl with. Meeting Gillian and getting a picture with her - it was wild.

Different shared experiences that "real life" family and friends just didn't understand. It was fun and exciting.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

So I came to the show late in the game. I was sick, lying in bed channel surfing and caught the last 5 minutes of Fight the Future and immediately wanted to know why this woman was sitting in the snow holding onto this man. I spent the summer recording episodes on FX during the week and watching them all weekend and was somehow able to pretty much catch up on the first 6 seasons in time for the 7th season premiere.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

In my quest to know all the things that summer before the 7th season, I discovered AOL chat rooms that led me to different discussions on the show in general and at one point, a link was posted to whatever fanfic was hot that minute and I was instantly hooked.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I often feel like a wallflower at a party. I'm on the fringe, looking in to see what's going on. I don't bother anyone and most people don't even know I'm there. Every now and then I'll send feedback on a story, or I might even participate in a random discussion, but I feel it's a little more difficult these days without the chatrooms and discussion boards. Following people on tumblr or twitter and trying to engage in those platforms is more awkward since it feels so much more personal. It's like I'm intruding on someone's personal space.  Or having to scroll through non-fandom stuff to find the fic. The message boards were a more even playing field I guess? It's hard to explain.

When I'm hardcore searching for something...anything to read, I'll refer to "The Classics" list. There are still many on there I haven't read.

I miss ephemeral.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

No. No other characters have ever interested me beyond the story we're given within the confines of the show/movie/book like Mulder and Scully did. My friends would dive into Harry Potter or Marvel or (fill in the blank with anything) and I would try to get excited, but there's nothing.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Well, Scully because she's so bad-ass. She's always so certain of her convictions. We don't see her second-guess herself often.

Anne of Green Gables because against all odds, she still sees the beauty in everything.

Jo in Little Women because she is just so tenacious. She knows what she wants.

Hermione in Harry Potter. She knows the most important thing she'll do is help Harry and there is value in that, so she gives it all she's got.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I do. A couple of years after the original run was over, I lost a dear friend (met because of XF) and then later I had my first baby and life just got busy in a very different way so I fell out of the fandom and just dropped all of it.

And then there was the revival. I waited until all episodes aired and then binge-watched them. And I did the same with season 11, but waited about 6 mos after it aired to watch it, rewatching the whole series from the beginning, first.

But now I turn it on a few times a week while I'm folding laundry or making dinner or some other chore. It's nice to have it on in the background because I don't have to pay close attention because I know what's going to happen. I've actually watched the whole series a few times this way.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I still read XF fic. It's still my favorite thing to read. I am always looking for the next great fic to lose myself in. Back in the day, I would read any pairing, any genre...I was game for anything, as long as it was XF fic. I'm a little more choosy, now, but only because my free-time is more limited. I only want to read MSR and I'm not at all interested in revival fics.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I am partial to the novel-length AU and canon-divergent stories.  I love everything by Prufrock's Love and Bonetree. I have read Paracelsus, A Moment in the Sun and the Goshen/Secret World series countless times. Journal 1999 and Journal 2000 by MD1016, The Mastodon Diaries by akaJake, Blinded by White Light by Dashak, Deliverance From Evil by Char Chaffin and Tess.

I could go on all day.

My absolute favorite story is Arizona Highways by Fialka.

I am partial to Scully angst. And the Emily storyline just kills me, so when authors take those elements and write a kick-ass story, I am there for it.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

How awful is it that I had to look up my fics to answer this question? I don't know that I have a favorite. That's like asking a mother which child she favors. Maybe One of the Damned.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I won't say never, but I don't think so. I've tried to start one or two with some ideas I've had, but I haven't gotten far with them.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

No. I don't even have time to read as often as I would like to.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Usually what if scenarios - I try to work out different ways the story could go in my head. I would usually have the guts of the story written in my head before I typed the first word.

What's the story behind your pen name?

There was already a well-known Rachel posting fic when I got started, so I just decided to go with a nickname - Rae.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My husband is crazy supportive and tries to convince me to write again All. The. Time. I never hid my XF obsession from anyone, but I don't think I told many people about my writing.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I am on tumblr and twitter, but like I said above, I don't really post. All of my stories are at Gossamer.

(Posted by Lilydale on February 9, 2021)

[kitsbookshelf]

The Twilight Saga: a detailed review of why I can’t stand them and love them in (almost) equal measure

Before I start this borderline scathing review, I just want to let you know that it's full of spoilers, so if you haven't read the books, look away now. This is your only warning.

Now that that's out of the way... I can't stand the Twilight saga. Twelve-year-old me is cringing at my hatred for it, and Twilight fans are waiting to set me on fire, but it's true. I think they're poorly written, and there are soooo many parts of every book that just...missed the mark, at least for me. Let's start at the beginning, with the first book: Twilight.

Bella, our darling main character, moves in with her dad, Charlie (let's take a moment to appreciate perhaps the only normal, mentally stable person in this entire saga), in the rainy small town of Forks, Washington.

Bella is quite a bland character, but that just makes her easier to project yourself onto when you're reading the book if that's how you immerse yourself. For me, I found her obsessive and definitely not emotionally stable, and it did honestly feel like reading the diary of a manic and very unstable 17-year-old. On one hand, that's good--I'm reading from Bella's perspective, and it's written exactly how I'd expect her to write--but on the other hand, the writing feels...cheap? I completely blame my own taste in writing style for my opinion on this one, but I just couldn't enjoy the very boring storytelling happening here. It was all very 'tell-tell-tell' instead of the 'show-tell-show' way of writing I prefer.

Now here is where my adoration for this book comes in: Edward Cullen. Specifically, the interactions between him and Bella. They have conversations, and banter, and it's a fun little human-vampire-friendship that isn't awful to read (I will never never forgive the films for leaving some of the dialogue out, it's pure gold and possibly the only saving grace of this book). The characters felt like teenagers here, but it was only for the few short pages we got of them interacting without the overly-exaggerated brooding that our sweet Ed is known for.

The romance between Bella and Edward is...concerning. For me, I couldn't find a single bit of actual romance between the two of them beyond Bella's obsession with him and Edward's bloodlust and weird self-control thing he has for her. It felt really unhealthy, and I couldn't wrap my head around how people actually think there's romance there.

The whole James thing...I don't know about anyone else, but it felt really random. Yes, it added a conflict to the book, but I felt like there wasn't really any good development to make it more relevant. That all seemed to happen later with Victoria, but James didn't really feel like he fit into the story very well. I think I would have preferred it if he was gradually brought in through the book, or if there was some sort of lead up to the conflict instead of just--WHAM! Tracker dude wants to kill Bella because Edward got protective and now only the final section of the book has any action.

Twilight completely had the potential to be a good vampire-human romance novel. There was no real need for the James-Victoria storyline, even in the later books. What did they add? Only the entirety of Eclipse, but that book could be taken out completely without disrupting the story all that much.

New Moon feels like a completely different book, and I actually really liked it. The writing style still got on my nerves and made it more difficult for me to enjoy the book, but the content was so much better.

Bella's spiral in New Moon really added something to her character. Instead of another book of her constant Edward-Cullen-is-the-most-beautiful-man-to-ever-exist inner monologue, we got a whole book of her.

Jacob Black was introduced, and he was a genuinely likable character (the one thing I will say is that his inability to take 'no' for an answer really did put me off him for a large portion of the book and the next one) who brought some more normality into the book. It didn't feel like I was reading an overly-exaggerated supernatural romance, and I enjoyed it. The banter between the two of them was so realistic, and I actually really loved how Meyer explored Bella's coping mechanisms and her dependency issues when Jacob phased and Bella was left without him again.

The conflict here was much more well-executed than in Twilight, with the Volturi having been mentioned before and now becoming established properly in the saga. They're the perfect villains, and I enjoyed reading about them much more than I enjoyed the rushed few chapters of James's story in Twilight. I loved how Meyer kept Bella awake the entire way home from Italy. You really got to see the sort of wild relief that she felt when getting Edward back, and I think it was well-written and made me feel like there was slightly more going on here than the forced romance in Twilight.

I really do feel like the subject of them being mates should have come up a lot sooner. Maybe some questions on how a human could be a vampire's mate, or exploring the complications of it, because then maybe Bella's obsession would have been far more understandable earlier in the saga, and it might have felt more 'organic' than the relationship I read until Bella became a newborn later on.

And now we reach Eclipse... Eclipse, Eclipse, Eclipse... I hate it. There isn't a single part of this book that I can honestly say I enjoyed. I felt like it could have been taken out completely, and it wouldn't have made a difference to the story.

The whole book felt like a filler, purely there to resolve the issue of Victoria before moving on to Bella's pregnancy and vampirism in Breaking Dawn. It didn't feel like any part of it was important, or really memorable.

Victoria's whole storyline could have been erased without destroying the saga. The only interesting thing about the whole conflict with her was that she managed to orchestrate it without Alice seeing her, and that was the one thing that kept the book rolling on instead of it being a handful of chapters of the newborns being defeated.

The one thing that this book set up was the truce between the werewolves and the vampires, and I definitely think that could have been done in another way if James and Victoria had never existed (if you can't already tell, I really don't see the point to James and Victoria, and they don't add anything to the books except for a tiny, irrelevant bit of drama).I enjoyed how Meyer wrote the love triangle, and how she made Bella love them both. It felt, to me, more realistic that Bella would feel something for Jacob after everything we read in New Moon and how much she cared about him.

Beyond those things, though, this book really did feel completely useless to me, and I couldn't wait to stop reading it and get back to something that felt like it had a decent plot.

Okay, last one (I commend you for surviving this far). Breaking Dawn.

I...didn't hate it, but I didn't love it. I think it's a good conclusion to the saga, and I like how the characters all got a happy ending, but I can't say I think it's amazing or even close.

Bella becoming a mother felt strange and disjointed to the rest of the books--she'd never said she wanted to have a baby, and had even stated that she didn't mind not having a child if it meant being a vampire with Edward. Then suddenly she's pregnant and will let herself die to give birth to the baby? It doesn't fit with what we've read of her character up to this point, and it irked me.

And the baby name...Renesme... Can we take a second to appreciate how stupid that sounds? There were so many other options--honestly, I'd have taken literally any other option--and Bella chose to mash their mothers' names together in the worst possible way. Renesme. Ugh.

Don't even get me started on Jacob imprinting on a baby. The whole thing of imprinting makes perfect sense, but why, why, why did he have to imprint on a baby? A half-vampire baby? Surely his wolf-y instincts would be telling him to get away from her, not throw him right into her tiny little arms and have him fall in love with her. I don't get it, it creeps me out, and that's all I'm going to say about it.

As for everything else... I think it was good, it just sort of felt flat to me. All of the good parts seemed to happen intermittently through the book, scattered between barely tolerable sections and parts that, in my opinion, were shoddy. It made for a difficult book to get through, but the conclusion to the saga was almost worth the trouble.

[kckenobi]

Writing Tag Game

I’m a dumbass and I copy and pasted this days ago and then forgot who tagged me lol....I think it was @giggles-and-freckles ??? Lol my bad, if it was you, thanks! If it wasn’t...consider this me tagging you

Name: Kasey

Fandoms: Star Wars! I’ve dabbled in a few others over the years but sw and tcw are my ride or die

Most popular oneshot: shelter has the most hits, but old wounds has the most kudos so i feel like technically that one? My writing style in shelter is...not my favorite, but it’s a fun lil sick fic so I try not to cringe too much about it lol. I do like old wounds, even though my style has changed since then too—I just enjoyed figuring out how to portray Qui-Gon as both a sympathetic character and as having made a legitimate mistake. Idk man I like deep stuff

most popular multichapter: roots is my only multichapter at the moment and can barely be called that (it’s shorter than some of my oneshots lol) but I’ve been,,,,,,considering trying a big one. I don’t have an idea or anything, I just feel like I’ve learned my groove for writing short stories and could use the practice on something novel length (since I’m putting my original fiction novel aside for a few months so I can look at it with fresh eyes when I go to revise for what....the fourth draft? Oof). I’ll let ya know if an idea comes to me lol

Actual worst part of writing: the moment in revision when you’re like “okay....this still isn’t as good as I want it to be but I think if I keep at it I’m gonna end up making it WORSE.” Like, it’s good to recognize that, and then be able to work on something else to gain the skills you need to go back to the first project. But it’s also painful to walk away from something for a little, if that makes sense? Revision of big projects just intimidates me a bit I think

How you choose your titles: usually from a line or theme in the fic! I love having a moment when I’m writing where I go OOH—there’s the title! Like with When the Music Stops (which is also technically an allusion to happiness by Taylor swift but that was, believe it or not, an afterthought), I spent the whole fic without having a title in mind. And then at the very last image, where Satine and obi-wan are slow dancing in the foyer after the music stops I was like OH!! THERE!! TITLE!!

Do you outline? Heck yeah! Outlining is like the loophole to my perfectionism—my brain sees bullet points and is like oh! We’re allowed to write trash the first time around! Okay! That’s something we know how to do!

Ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice? I was toying with the idea recently of writing about all of Obi-Wan’s lowest moments from the point of view of some irrelevant side character who witnessed them, but idk if I’ll get there. The idea sounds fascinating to me on like...a theoretical level but not a practical level I guess?? Who knows though, I’m feeling inspired today so maybe I will!

Call outs @ me: Kasey you try too hard to be deep/poetic and you sound like you’re trying too hard to be deep/poetic and it’s c r i n g e— also please stop using the em-dash so much, and projecting onto fictional characters

Best writing traits: I really like writing dialogue—like getting down the voice and cadence of speech for different characters, and writing all the “beats” of silence and movement and eye contact that make up communication. Plus I like to read stories with a lot of dialogue because I think it can reveal a lot about the characters, and moves the story along, so I like writing them!

Spicy tangential opinion: I’m...not a fan of The Last Jedi. I did enjoy watching the sequels when I first saw them in spite of a lot of things that I didn’t really vibe with, but the last Jedi just...did not do what I wanted it to do for the plot, or the characters (and I really do LOVE the characters), or the overarching themes of star wars. No hard feelings, just isn’t one I really rewatch, and the sequels don’t have my heart the way the prequels and originals do!

no-pressure tags: @pandora15 @meantforinfinitesadness @obirain @soplantyourownflowers @katierosefun @lightasthesun (idk how many of you already did this, so really any one who wants to, feel free!)

[gophergal]

ASK ABOUT YOUR FIC?! I CAN DO THAT! SO! I am so fucking curious about your Myers fic and Jane. What was your inspo for starting the fic? Is there anything you do to get in the right headspace or vibe for writing it? I am very curious about Jane and anything else you wanna tell that you haven't yet would be so cool. I am also wondering what you like in particular about them being together, I know that we haven't gotten there in the fic but anything you are willing to share now!

HDBGCISVXYN HEY THANKS BEX

Wow, where to start!

(that's your warning that the post got away from me a bit)

Well, for one, this is actually the second iteration of the same basic fic from nearly two years ago! I've probably mentioned that before. The old one is from 2019, and can still be found on my AO3, though it's not as good. I've had a lot of improvement since I wrote it. I'm actually almost caught up to the old one plot wise while also nearly surpassing it in word count. Which is fucking hilarious to me

I started the original almost immediately after I joined the fandom in August 2019. I realized that my interpretation of Michael is a bit in the middle of the two major fanon Michaels.

At the time, I saw most people would do

A.) Cute Bishounen Michael Did Nothing Wrong UwU

Or

B.) This Man Sucks, He's Absolutely Evil, And He Will Stab You After You Fuck

Which are both valid! Both fun!

But neither really fit what I was looking for. My interpretation revolves around exploring Michael's abuse by Dr Loomis and his actual motivation for killing Judith because those don't seem to be explored very often. Which, also valid!

(Sometimes you just want to see him as a big murder hunk and that's cool)

Which means I kinda have to go on a tangent about my tinhat idea of what goes on in Michael's thick skull

I always thought that his first murder was very much the action of a young child experiencing jealousy (Judith hadn't been spending time with him anymore) and expressing it in a very extreme way. He didn't understand how badly he'd hurt his sister, only that he wanted to make her hurt too. That's admittedly a lot of projection on my part, but stay with me.

I don't think he ever got a chance to work through his feelings of jealousy or the sudden loss of his sister. Sure, Loomis "helped", but it's more or less confirmed that he saw a young boy suffering from mental illness, and become obsessed. There's a part in the novelization where Loomis confirms that he was obsessed when he first saw Michael and heard of the case. And then he called the boy evil.

Loomis said that he tried to help for years, but considering how other staff react to him and how he treats Michael, we can tell that his heavy sedation of a man he's meant to be treating is not a new development. Besides, mental health care in the 1960's-70's was... not great to put it lightly.

So I wanted to write a story which explored that through the lens of romance. I wanted someone to knock a hole through his walls and find the scared child inside, then I wanted her to spiral into a deeply unhealthy and fucked up relationship with him.

Jean's not exactly the peak of mental health herself. She's also got a bit of my experience in her (wow how shocking), and struggles with building relationships, asking for help, and making decisions overall. She's a bit of a shell of who she could be. And she's clingy. She's lost many people in her life and that causes her to latch on to any semblance of normalcy.

I believe I mentioned on my Gophercast that she was the result of a teen pregnancy and her father dipped out on her mom. Her Grandpa, however, was very supportive and helped raise her while her mom went to college. Her mom passed away from a sudden illness when Jean was a young teen and her grandpa continued to raise her after that. At the start of the story, it's been about three ish years since he passed away.

She projects onto Michael, aware of the danger of him, but unable to tear herself away. He's whatever she wants him to be. A blank slate. When that doesn't work for her, she gets angry, which puts her in danger.

I think Michael has two reasons for keeping her alive: she's useful, and she's new. He's not really interacted with someone like her before, but then again, he's never really had the chance to interact with anyone.

But that's enough of that lol. That pretty much explains why I like Jean and Michael together anyway. It's more of a thought exercise lol.

To get in the headspace to write this, I read the last chapter I published of it, then listen to a playlist I've made. I won't drop the whole thing, but most of the songs on it are obsessive and dark. I really enjoy songs sung from the pov of a stalker for this. I might list a few songs later if anyone's interested

Other than that, I just put some long winded and boring video/podcast on in the background and start writing. I might sample other folks' fanfic while taking a break, but I try not to steal their ideas

Anywho, I think I'll end that here for now since this is so wordy lol. I'll def talk about it more if anyone wants to know about anything else!