#i could really use some guidance but don't wanna ask my dad because... well he's dad and can get super condescending without meaning to

[tinknevertalks]

Looks long; won't read: doctor sent my name to a free diet helping course with a nutritionist and I'm not sure if I'm angry that he has.

--

Huh. So a thing happened.

A few weeks ago Two Fridays back, I had a medical done for my job. Let's just say the doctor was Not Impressed by my weight, going so far as to talk to me about it after he signed me off as Fit to Work. Made me cry (although that could've been because of my super early period starting the next day) because I'm super tender about my weight and weight gain (and tbh, I thought I had lost a tiny bit during lockdown because I was eating regularly and my work shirt was looser on my arms). I think he was also a bit confused because I know what I should and shouldn't be doing food wise but still making unhealthy choices. (And he was surprised that I hadn't suffered from gestational diabetes or high blood pressure when preggo with Thea. When I told him my blood pressure was actually a bit low he asked if I had been put on tablets. Nope, just the progesterone flooding my body keeping it down.)

Anyways, fast forward to today. I have a cold. It isn't as bad as Mark and Thea's but my head is thumping and I'm not feeling grand. Come down the stairs and see there's post.

Post addressed to me from Llanelli. "Huh, must be my smear test due." (As an aside, if you can get your cervical smear test done, do it. The medical professionals trained to do them have seen hundreds of vaginas and will not be judging you.) Open the letter.

It's a letter "inviting" me to a 10 week dietetitian (my bad, can't spell atm) course, because a member of the Health Team in the local surgery put my name forward.

Here's the rub. I usually bitch and moan that I complain about my weight with doctors and nothing happens, they just leave me with a, "Well, try to lose weight, k?" before I leave the office. But... I can't remember if he asked if I wanted help. Pretty sure I didn't say, "Hey, put my name forward to people I don't know about something I am very defensive about."

I know that this could be really good for me - I could actually lose some weight - but there's a voice in my head saying, "But you tried before and didn't see much difference at all. Why try again and get disappointed again?" And it's the whole, "He put my name forward without my explicit permission."

Anyone got any words of wisdom? I would like to not be the size I am (there wasn't a scale big enough for my weight at the surgery). I'd actually love to be more than a few sizes smaller than I am.

(Fwiw, he also offered medical help, but I remember my friend getting some tablets to help her weight loss and she then got problems with her spleen. And since going back to work, my eating habits have changed dramatically - in a bad way. No more routine, eating when I can rather than setting a time, etc etc.)

So yeah, halp?

[addictofsupernatural]

Emotions (pt. 12)

Billy Hargrove x reader

Summary: Billy does his best to win you back, but a certain person keeps getting in the way.

Word Count: 2485

Chapter 1 • Chp. Masterlist

Billy was not giving up. He was set on winning you back, and started by waiting at your house to take you to school. At first you tried to ignore him and just walk, but he kept driving next to you and you felt too guilty. You'd end up getting inside and seeing his relieving smile. Hopper did always say that your conscious would screw you over some day.

During biology he was constantly trying to make you laugh. His charming jokes and quick wit would eventually get to you, and you would end up cracking a smile. You couldn't help it; you just thought it was funny how much of a child he could be, even with his beautiful grin.

During lunch you went with Steve Harrington. It pissed him off, but he needed to learn that you're entitled to hang out with anyone you want. He just didn't understand why it had to be him. When Billy passed by you in the halls or anywhere at lunch, he would always smile and wink at you. He'd see you blush, which was all he needed.

Billy had learned to have patience. He needed to be patient with you when you felt insecure about yourself, or when you didn't understand something simple. Looking back at it now, he could see why you had trouble adjusting to normalcy. He would now need to be his most patient self, because right now you were doing something you thought would be best for Billy, and he saw that you were trying your hardest to be better for him by trying to have him move on. He just needed enough patience for you to realize that he wasn't going to move on from the love of his life.

When Steve caught on that Billy's dumb ass face was actually working on you, he knew that he had to do something as your self proclaimed best friend. He invited Jonathan over to see what to do about it, pacing the floor and acting like he was planning a war strategy.

"We have to do something about this!" He said to Jonathan in the living room, with you easily listening from your bedroom easily listening. Hearing the two of them was like having a devil and angel on your shoulder. "Okay, what's our plan?"

"I don't know man. I think Billy's okay now, if I'm being honest. He's actually sorry, and he's okay now with y/n's powers. Maybe we should give him a chance?"

"Are you kidding me? And let my friend get hurt again? No, she's not going to fall for that dickhead again. Someone has to protect her; she's too innocent."

"Hey, dumbasses," You said from your door frame. "If you don't want me to listen in then maybe you shouldn't be talking about this crap in my house."

"See what I mean?! He taught her how to curse!" He then pointed to you. "And shut up. Your house is comfy, okay?"

"He's actually not wrong about that." Jonathan mumbled.

You scoffed. "I told you guys, we're not getting back together. And shouldn't I be able to make my own decisions anyways?"

"No, you need the guidance of a loyal friend." You rolled your eyes at his serious face, which then lit up with an idea. "I know exactly how to get him to back off! We need to get him jealous, and he'll get so pissed that he'll give up."

"You sure you don't just wanna see him get pissed?" Jonathan asked, scoffing as well.

Steve gave him a pat on the back. "That, my friend, is an added perk." He then gave the two of you a teasing smile.

The next morning when Billy went to your house to pick you up for school, he saw that Steve's car was parked there. He watched in disgust as the two of you came out, with your head down as you went into his car. Steve looked back, smiling and nodding at Billy. "You ever tried her pancakes?" He called out. "Delicious!"

He then got into the car too. You didn't look at Steve when saying, "You don't have to be an ass about it."

"You want him to move on or not?" Steve asked as you silently nodded.

Billy gripped his steering wheel as his breaths became deeper. You used to make him pancakes. You used to sit on his lap and feed it to him. Sometimes you'd lick the syrup off his lips. You'd never do that with that jerk off Steve, but the thought of you making something for Steve instead of him got Billy so fucking pissed.

At school, Billy thought about his options. He could still try to keep it up with strong flirting, but that dick off Steve would probably also start flirting. You hate conflict, and you'd hate that situation. Fucking Steve Harrington. How the hell was he supposed to win you back now?

It was time for him to really look back and think. When you two first got together, how did it happen? Back then, it happened slowly as you saw that his attention was focused on you. This was when you were just friends. Bingo.

When he saw you enter fourth period, he gently smiled and nodded his head. "Hey." You put your head down. "So, I was thinking. I'm sorry for going against what you want, and I think we should start over. As friends?"

This was painful for you, and you knew that you should just reject him so he can move on and be happy with someone else in the future. But you were dying to talk to him again; the conversations you missed so much. "Okay." You squeaked.

Unlike when you first met, this time he was the talker in the conversation and you were the listener. He rambled on and made jokes, and you responded with a smile or a nod, occasionally making a comment.

Once class ended the two of you were still talking when Steve walked into the classroom and smacked your shared desk, startling the both of you. "We should head over to lunch now. Let's go y/n."

Billy stood tall. "Sure thing. Let's all go."

"Let's not fight guys. Please." You quietly said.

Steve glanced at you before nodding. "Whatever you say. C'mon." He then put his hand on the small of your back to lead you out. Billy trailed behind, his nostrils flared and his teeth gritted.

You walked over to the basketball bleachers, with the two boys both ending up linking to each of your arms. Instead of sitting at you and Billy's usual spot, you sat on the other end. Billy took this as a sign that your memories together were still sacred to you. In actuality you knew it would fuel his anger if Steve sat at your 'special spot' that he loved so much.

"So, you two are, like, what? Friends now?" Steve asked, attitude in his voice.

"We never stopped being friends." Billy gave a shit eating grin.

"Well y'know, with kicking her out of your house and not accepting her for who she is I figured you guys were having a little trouble in paradise." He gave a shrug.

"Steve." You hissed.

"No, he's right." You whipped your head to Billy. "I did act like a jerk, but y'know what? Our bond is so fucking strong that I realized I don't care about any of it. She does that to me, I guess. Always reeling me back in, huh sweetheart?"

"As her best friend, I don't feel comfortable with you calling her that."

Billy gave a tch. "I'm her best friend."

You stood up out of anger and started walking away. "Where you going?" They said in unison.

"To Jonathan and Nancy." You turned to look back at them.

"You hate being around Nancy." Billy said.

"And you know Jonathan won't stand up to her."

"Yeah. Well, that should tell you how crappy I feel around you two right now." And with that you left.

"Very nice, ass wipe." Billy said as he shoved Steve.

"Really? This is my fault?" Billy only glared back at him. "Why can't you just leave her alone?"

"Why the fuck can't you just leave me alone?"

The two of them quickly got up and stomped away from each other, with Billy going over to an ecstatic Tommy and Steve trailing shamefully behind you as Nancy lectured you about not listening to her.

After school you slipped away from both boys and used a payphone to call Hopper. When he pulled up, you began walking over to his car before you heard Billy and Steve call out your name in unison. You started to speed walk before breaking out into a run when you saw them running over to you. You got into the car and slammed it shut. "Drive! Drive!"

Hopper, being flustered by your hurried tone, quickly drove off. "You wanna tell me why the hell we just Marty McFlyed the crap out of there?"

You let out a loud groan, ready to rant. "Ughhh! It's Billy and Steve! They keep fighting with each other, and it's about me. I hate that. They know I hate that, and yet they still have this alpha male bs going on. It's so stupid! I just want Billy to calm down, and Steve to tone it down! This whole thing is so dumb." You then quickly turned your head to Hopper, who had been listening helplessly, and caused him to jerk his head a bit in surprise. "What do you think?"

He was caught off guard by the question. "Uh, well... take a break from both of them. They sound like they're doing idiot things for good reasons, but they're jackasses if they're making you like this. Maybe you could try to be by yourself for a while."

You let out a breath and grinned. No matter what El or Mike said, you knew Hopper listened and you knew he was a smart person. In actuality, Hopper just wanted to say that these two were jackasses and that he should just arrest them for a day or two, but he knew you would get mad at him too, with your emotions all over the place.

You gave him a hug as he pulled up to your house. "Hopper you're a genius."

You happily got out of the car and went inside to your room, where Hopper smiled. He hoped you knew that he was there for you. That he could be your dad.

As you did your homework that night you got a call from your phone. When you answered, your face fell. "What do you want Steve?"

"Um, so you got home safe then?" He attempted to lighten the mood.

You sighed. "Goodbye Steve."

"No no no, wait! I'm sorry, I wanted to say that I'm sorry. We just really need to get him off of your ass, y'know?"

"I mean, he said he just wanted to be friends. Maybe we could go back to being just acquaintances?"

"God five, you'd think all things considered with you that you wouldn't be so stupid about this." Steve said this out of rage, but after hearing your soft gasp over the phone, he knew he just fucked up.

"Are you kidding me right now? You know what Steve, you'd think all things considered with you that you'd understand how hard it is for me to let him go, and how badly I want him back even though I know it's best to let him be."

"Five-"

"Don't ever call me that again!" You then hung up.

You breathed hard, trying to calm yourself down. You're not a crybaby. People who cry all the time are stupid, and you're not stupid. The damn telephone rang again, and you picked it up. "Damnit Steve, leave me alone!"

"Whoa there sweetheart, wrong guy."

You let out an involuntary breath of relief when you heard Billy's voice. It felt good to hear from him, but it just pained you in a worse way. He's trying his best to be perfect when you feel like you're too fucked up to even be allowed to have a boyfriend.

"Hi Billy." You said quietly, tears forming and your nose beginning to sting.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

You sucked it a hard breath. "People keep telling me things that hurt."

You were really struggling to hold back the tears. "Y/n–"

"I have to go!" You slammed the phone back. You rolled up into a ball, and cried. Maybe you are stupid.

Once you exhausted yourself and stopped crying, you saw headlights flashing outside. You confusedly and sluggishly got up, since everyone was asleep by now, and saw Billy's car. He got out and said nothing, swiftly bringing you in for a hug. You hugged back. "C'mon, let's get you inside."

You only nodded and let him guide you. You knew that this wasn't right, but you were too damn exhausted with everything to do anything about it. He kicked off his shoes where he normally did, and took you to your room. He laid you down on your bed, and got in with you.

"You shouldn't be here." You quietly said as he tugged you into his chest. You didn't do anything to stop him, and instead embraced the smell you missed so much.

"Course I should." He took a deep breath, before continuing. "I'm sorry for adding all this stress to you. I know you've always been my little rule follower."

You felt the tears begin to sting in your eyes again. "Y'know, Hopper's always told us to follow the rules. That people who don't follow the rules are stupid, and we're not stupid. We can't be, and we won't be." You looked up at him. "I can't even follow my own rules. Why am I so stupid? How do I even do better?"

"You're not stupid. Don't ever say that about yourself again. Okay?" He spoke sternly, and you nodded your head while he wiped away a tear with his thumb. "You're just confused. It's okay to be confused about your feelings. Just as long as you don't have any for cock sucker Steve." You could practically hear his smile.

"Mm. You don't really think I'd have feelings for him, do you?"

"Nah, he's too vanilla."

You snuggled into his chest. "So are you, but only in private."

"Only with you baby." He grabbed your chin, and kissed your lips for a second before you pulled back. "Too soon, got it. Do you want me to leave?"

You sighed, knowing it's better if he did. But you felt so safe with him there. "After I fall asleep? Please."

"Course doll." And the two of you stayed like that until you fell asleep, when Billy gently kissed your unconscious lips and silently slipped out of the house and off to his. He went to sleep, content that he could still make you feel safe.

---

Tag List:

@roxytheimmortal @shane-isa-shame @actuallyazriel @tanovic54321 @chipster-21 @jula-bear @ellie2468 @sassysmiles @frozenhuntress67 @fansanctuary @homewrites @tearsforhan @waymorecake4me @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @dustyblueboo @grave-details @marvellover48 @i-want-to-shoot-myself @jjlizz @newsieunion @amieleahx @alli-cat-winer @chloe-skywalker @gracethegeek9902 @lovegood8114 @stargazerwriter78 @lucyrocks86 @lilbabybackwoods

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

[elusive---ivory]

Little Clown pt 1

Yes, yes, yes oh, boy. Here we are!! The Sequel to TWIV. It took me a while to finish this first part, hopefully y'all enjoy it 💖💖

PAIRING: Arthur Fleck x Oc/Joker x Oc

WARNING: Unrequited Love, Child Endangerment

Part 1

Taglist:

@gloomyladyy @princessgeekface @memory-mortis (ps I apologize if I left some people out. Just message me again if I forgot)

"Mommy, I don't want a clown at my birthday party." A little girl said, troubled.

"I know, sweetheart, but clowns aren't so scary. Could you please try for me?" Her mother said, holding her hand.

It was 1993 in Gotham City. It had been 12 years since the incarceration of The Joker. Chaos was still rapid in Gotham, but the police didn't seem to care.

Sandy Fleck was one of Gotham's notorious villains, who rose to the top in popularity. Half her popularity came from followers of The Joker, hoping to seek guidance from her. The other half came from the angry mob of Gotham City, who were still hurt by the damage. For those who knew her on the streets, She was known as Dolly. She had the city tight around her finger. The only thing she was missing was Arthur.

Her daughter looked up at her. "I'm not afraid of clowns, Mommy. I just don't like them. The news doesn't like them, so why should I?" The little girl frowned. Her green emerald eyes were staring into Sandy.

"Ruthie, not everything on the news is trustworthy. Besides, I'm pretty sure your will love it." Sandy said.

"What friends, Mommy?" Ruth replied, monotonous.

Ruth Quinn Fleck wasn't like most kids her age. She was very smart, but not so sociable young girl. From the age of 5, Ruth was diagnosed by a medical professional that she had Asperger's Syndrome. Her doctors were still confused about Ruth's behavior, hoping that maybe by the time she was 8, Ruth could grow out of it. Ruth was nearing the age of 10, with her birthday being a couple days away.

The two crossed the crowded street. Ruth held onto her mother closely, as they walked into their small, yet, comfortable apartment complex.

Sandy didn't move from the old apartment complex. After all that happened, she decided that the best place for her little girl was the complex. Sure, it was an awful complex, but there was something about it that felt so warm and familiar.

As they walked up to their apartment, Sandy walked past a certain apartment door, flooding memories of someone she missed.

Sandy unlocked her apartment door, placing the groceries on the kitchen counter.

Ruth took a small juice box from the fridge, and darted for the living room. Ruth turned the TV on, and switched it to the news.

Sandy giggled to herself. "Why do you only watch the news?"

"I dunno. I like the news. It's interesting." Ruth sipped on her juice box.

Sandy smiled, washing her hands in the kitchen sink and preparing dinner.

"Twelve years ago to this day, Thomas Wayne was killed outside the Monarch Theater. In remembrance of him, we've gathered here at the theater with the young Bruce Wayne, Boy Billionaire over night."

Sandy rolled her eyes. "Ruthie, don't watch this crap. All they talk about is Bruce Wayne."

"Not all the time. They also talk about Joker." Ruth replied.

Dishes clanked in the sink, causing Sandy to break a mug, cutting her finger.

"Ruth. We don't talk about Joker, okay?" Sandy said through her teeth.

"Why not?" Ruth inquired.

"Because," Sandy rose her voice, then closed her eyes before calming down. "Because, I said so." Sandy spoke softly.

Ruth looked down at the floor. "I didn't mean to upset you, Mommy."

Sandy rubbed her temples in frustration. "I know, baby. I know."

The telephone rang on the kitchen counter. Sandy rushed over to get it.

"Hello?" Sandy answered.

"Hey, Dolly. We got ourselves another client. Do ya think you can meet us downtown at 5 o'clock?" A gruff voice said over the phone.

"I'll see, Rudy. Where is the meeting at?" Sandy turned towards her daughter, who was focused on the TV.

"Roxy's Cabaret. Our client also said he wanted to met Joker in person." Rudy explained.

"Well, he's gonna be surprised. Joker is still incarcerated, remember?" Sandy replied.

"Dolly, my hands are tied here. It was the only fib I could use to get him to see us. Anyway, do you wanna take the job or not?" Rudy said, impatiently.

"You haven't even told me the job, yet." Sandy scoffed.

"Look, I don't got time for this, Dolly. Just be here by 5 o'clock." Rudy hung up the phone.

"Who does that lowlife fucker think he is?" Sandy grumbled to herself.

As it was nearing 5, Sandy did her makeup in a small vanity mirror.

"Mommy, do you really have to go?" Ruth said, standing in the doorway of her mother's bedroom.

Sandy sighed, putting on a strapless dress. "Yes, sweetheart."

Ruth looked up at her mother, disappointed, but her lack of emotion on her face couldn't show it.

"Sugar, I know you're upset, but I swear I'll be home by 11. Please don't do what you did with the last babysitter." Sandy finished the rest of her clown like makeup.

Ruth still kept her disappointed eyes on Sandy.

She heard a knock on the door. "Could you get that, sweetheart?"

Ruth huffed nodding.

A tall blonde woman in her twenties appeared that the door. "Hiya! Is ya mommy home?" The woman smiled, cheerfully.

Ruth glared and nodded.

"Well, aren't ya gonna invite me in?" The woman asked.

"I don't like you." Ruth said, still glaring at the woman.

The women's cheerful demeanor disappeared completely. "Maybe I don't like you either."

Sandy headed towards the door. "Hi. Thank you so much for coming. I was worried that I was going to have to leave her alone." She sighed in relief.

The woman brought up her false happy demeanor again. "No problem. I'm Harley. Very nice to meet ya."

"Sandy. It's a pleasure. Emergency contacts are on the fridge. She needs to be in bed before 8." Sandy kneeled down to Ruth's level. "Promise me, you'll be good."

"I promise, Mommy." Ruth kissed her mother on her forehead.

"I love you. I'll be back." Sandy walked out the door, putting on her coat, heading to the elevator.

Ruth turned on the TV, turning up the news.

"Does ya mother always looks like a circus act or does she have some type of gig?" Harley asked, rummaging through the fridge.

Ruth didn't answer her eyes were glued to the TV.

"Breaking news: Just a few minutes ago all of Arkham's electricity turned off, then back on again, but 10 inmates were reported escaped from the facility, including the most infamous clown, Joker. One female inmate was also released from the scene, most known as Harleen Quinzel. The police have speculated that the two were working together, and helped each other escape. In further new-" Harley unplugged the TV.

Ruth looked up at her, confused.

"That's enough of that. You're mommy's gonna be quite surprised when she gets here. Mr J has been dying to see her again. It's a shame that she's had you, isn't it? Mr. J isn't gonna be so thrilled to see you up and about." Harley sneered.

Ruth turned towards her. "I hate you. You're mean."

Harley stuck her tongue out. "That makes two of us. Now, Mr. J told me to call him once I got her and I said I would so, beat it."

Ruth grabbed Harley by waist and tackled her to the ground.

"Get the hell off me, twerp." Harley yelled, throwing Ruth around.

Harley threw Ruth to the ground. "Now, listen here, you little shit. I told Joker I wouldn't hurt you, but I'm sure he'll make an exception." Harley pulled a small dagger out of her pocket. She hovered over Ruth, about to lay the knife on her.

A man in a red suit and clown makeup walked through the door. He pulled Harley off of Ruth.

"Mr. J, I'm sorry. She wasn't cooperating with me, so I did what I had to do." Harley said, feigning her innocence.

The man glared at her. "Leave, Harley."

"What?" Harley spoke quietly.

"I said, Leave. I don't need you anymore. I found what I've been looking for." The man said, looking over at the little girl who had no expression on her face.

"But, Mr. J, I thought we-" Harley was cut off by a laugh.

"We what? What did you possibly think we were? I told you our deal was simple. I helped you out of Arkham, then you were to help me find Sandy. You helped me, and I helped you. I've had enough of your services." The man turned over to Ruth.

Harley glared at Joker, then bolted out of the apartment.

Ruth got up and looked up at the man. "You're the Joker, aren't you?"

The man chuckled. "I wasn't always called Joker. My real name is Arthur."

"My name is Ruth." Her emerald eyes were the same as Arthur's as they stared at each other.

"That's a nice name. Who's your dad?" Arthur asked, kneeling down to her level.

"I never had a daddy. My mommy says that my daddy was a kind man, until he changed." Ruth looked away from him.

Arthur frowned. "I understand how you feel. I never knew my dad. My mother lied to me for all my life. Your mother taught me things I could never forget. Where is your mother now?"

"She's at work." Ruth yawned, rubbing her eyes.

Arthur smiled slightly. "Someone's tired." He picked Ruth up in his arms, and carried her to her bedroom.

"I like you, Joker, unlike the news." Ruth said, half asleep.

Arthur smiled, placing the small girl in her bed.

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[magicgeekponsol-blog]

♛ (for mismatcheddoll. I swear I don't hate you. please don't kill me.)

Taken from meme: [x] ||Accepting|| ((Now why would I hate you for this. My back may be unhappy but i’m perfectly fine. lol))

Makes more sense to put both on one ask answer, yes yes? Third times the charm to answer two urls at once. //sob cry

@mismatcheddoll​ @tsundere-model​ @knights-queen​ (bc of your ask answer is here)

my opinion on;

character in general: Ahhh Mika, what a cute lil thing. So I don’t know too much about him because I don’t actually play Ensemble stars? I only know what I kow from what aoi or Izuzu tell me. lol If I’m remembering correctly, didn’t Shu find Mika in like a box or something? A dumpster? Whatever it was, he was alone. This would probably be a reason why he’s so attached to ‘Oshi-san’? I think he has a complex about his two eyes? Idk if it’s because of Shu or not, but he doesn’t seem to like them very much. 

Obviously he’s also just really... he’s just a meek child, honestly. Still he tries. I know he’s apparently got weak sense of feeling? So stabbing his thumb with a needle was like ‘oh there’s blood’. I know he’s very close to Arashi. I’m very sure I remember a part where it’s like he wanted to make a bouquet or something for Arashi as thanks? I could be wrong, but I swear there was something about that. So pretty much he’s a bit clumsy (I think?) and very awkward but he does try hard. He’s doing his best. He gets scared easily and what not but that’s understandable if you think about how he was introduced. Child probably went through a lot but he still tries to be happy and friendly. A good child. 

how they play them: I believe Izuzu is doing a fabulous job. Poor child makes my cold... dead heart... do a thing called skip a beat. Can’t be mean to him. I have a Spritz bottle on standby for when Ponsol is interacting. I’m warning you dude. You can see how he struggles and is very scared and insecure, but he is very earnest and very very honest to a fault. Even when scared, he will still try to do what’s right. This is Pre-hiatus but Mika, though Shugarl is a scary-ass dude was wondering if they should kiss because they both got caught under the mistletoe like ‘don’t you get bad luck if you don’t?’ Child, worry about yourself, don’t worry about him. He needs bad luck. I meant what? I said nothing. He’s just  a boy who needs guidance and love, that’s all. 

He’s written in a way that you can tell he’s got social and anxiety issues. He isn’t really down played. He’s a loving character and he’s fair. Though Vasco is scary, Mika could see that he’d hurt the guy and honestly could have left it at that, but didn’t. He does what is right. Just an all around ‘good boy’. So If Mika is supposed to be a good boy chara who is supposed to melt your heart with purity and also just all around general pity, then yeah, Izuzu is doing great. //sheds tear for Mika

the mun: Ahhh okay. Let’s do this. //cracks knuckles and stretches back. So I said this in a previous meme wwaaayyyyyyy back when, but Izuzu was the first and only one to answer to Vasco’s very first open starter. One that went ignored for a long while.Discouraged, but otherwise //shruuuuuuug. Izumi was well... Izumi, but I still appreciated the notion. Not too long after that was Monster Madnes, the first event I was a part of. Izuzu wrote up a heavy drabble and it honestly made me fear of Vasco’s life and I was more than willing to get Vasco out of there. lol. Izuzu already knows this, but i’m sure others are curious? I don’t do well with Yandere themes so I was just ‘ABORT MISSION!!!!!’ Though Izumi is pretty... tame for the most part. 

We talked a lot on im and I got to see many characters from her. Some who came and went and some who stayed behind and are here today. I do love interacting with Izuzu. If you have an idea there is a 98% chance she’ll say yes. Actively HC’ing with Izuzu is fun who also is very serious about characters. Izuzu, like myself, connects with her muses. Some more than others. I connect real well with Shugarl while I think Izuzu connects well with Izumi. It always makes for a fun thread experience and it just feels... natural? When Shugarl gets mad, I get mad. lol Now English isn’t her first language. She is learning, but even so she writes pretty well, wouldn’t you think? Perhaps a few minor mistakes here and there, but for the most part she writes well. 

I really like her use of vocabulary and descriptions. That was honestly what drew me to her in the first place. (I don’t think Izuzu knows this. hoh hoh) So we talk a lot about random things all the time. For some reason, idk why, but she really likes Ponsol. Like a lot. So I appreciate that. He used to get real neglected. OTL ALSO SHE KNOWS EYESHIELD 21 SO I CAN USE MY REFERENCES IN THREADS. YAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess one word of sorta warning is that Izuzu (like myself) can ramble a lot so threads can get real long... real quick. So if you can’t handle really long threads... exercise caution. Izuzu can certainly go short but longer is so much fun. I so understand. As for reply speed which may be another cause of concern, with a lot of blogs and groups, it’s hard to keep on top of things. If anything, Izuzu has a lot on her plate but still tries hard. I really respect that. 

do i;

follow them: Ye ye

rp with them: Oh yes, clover goodness.

want to rp with them: //chucks clovers at the question.

ship their character with mine: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL---- SAVE MIKA 2kINFINITY from Ponsol.

what is my;

overall opinion: ((Screw it i’m moving this to next section. This seciton is already so looooong))

my opinion on;

character in general: Did you mean the bratty egotistical shitstick? The one that I ironically love oh so very much? So from what I know, apparently at the start of things, he was just a regular lil dude, but things in Yumenosaki just really changed him with pain and treachery so he became more of a Tsundere. Starts to bully Kohai in order to make sure they become strong. Goes as far as to go to very extreme lengths and it’s like CHILD NO. WTF DUDE?????? //salutes a certain lil megane-boy. 

Still, with the things that went on with Knights and with Leo, you can tell he’s a loyal guy. He may not be the most honest, but he is very loyal. I’ve been told that he’s pretty much an insecure lil thing. He hides this behind his tough persona. He believes himself to be useless, to be a horrible person. Sure, he’s fucked up. He’s done bad things, but he does try to change. He does try to get passed that. He’s at the heart of things, trying to help. He wants to be loved, he wants to be useful. (I hear that he was the untalented one or something during Chess? idk. I don’t know too much of the whole thing but I think that’s what I remember. 

I mean he’s also got some issues with his mom, right? I don’t hear much about the dad so i’m guessing he’s aight. (or dead) He’s pretty complex with his personality and his complexes. He needs to be loved as much as the next guy. I really do adore him along with Arashi. Both of em are lil cuties and I love them and they are my faves. I bias over my faves hard and they are all I need. Mama has nice looks yes, but I’ll take Arashi and Izumi anyday. I do love the way these two look and I’ll fight for em. Watch me. 

how they play them: Ahhhhhhh So like, Izumi. Is a shit. A lil shitstain. Let’s be real. Izumi is hard to deal with and he really just--- angers me a lot. Goes so show Izuzu is doing a fine job, right? Ponsol and Izumi are like cat and dog tbh. Like, please stop making me feel how mad you are, Ponz. I don’t care. Stop synching your emotions. I don’t want to be mad at Izumi. STOP THAT. //spritz You see him a lot having a haughty attitude, and only ever so often do you see a crack in that armor of his. Izumi is often played as the powerful and confident guy. 

But at the heart of things, you see that he’s also but a human with flaws and fears. Like when he’s dealing with a whole hoard of girls. The reactions to such are not downplayed. The first time we did this (pre-chara reset) Izumi was just so pitiful like ahhhh child, come to Neo. She will hug you. SHUT UP ACCEPT THE HUG YOU LIL BRAT. Considering he’s been aged, there are likely some places where he may have grown, perhaps to learn to be just a bit more patient. Maybe to learn how to be a bit less rude (or hell, maybe even more rude, years of practice, and years of the sass fruit ripening). As I don’t really know Enstars personally, I do think that Izuzu is doing well. We talk about characterization a lot, so I know that she puts a lot of thought and effort into her characterization. You can see how Izumi changes with different characters based on how well he knows them. 

That takes a lot of character consistency and understanding. So I believe Izuzu knows what she’s doing. Though my word don’t have much weight as I don’t know the original media that he’s from //shrug.

the mun: I dun wanna repeat

do i;

follow them: Well duh, Izumi is my fave~ rp with them: Why yes indeedlywant to rp with them: YES INDEEDLYship their character with mine: ... //mings. As of right now... 50%? I still need to use Ponsol for my own evil deeds, but after that is over i’m 1000% willing to commit to this, yes.

what is my;

overall opinion:  Okay. Time for the big guns. So Izuzu at the core of things is a person who loves to write and talk to people. A very friendly person. I warmed up to Izuzu pretty quick. Very open and willing to pretty much give anyone a chance. Willing to give most things a try. It is good to have someone who is really open-minded about things. 

She also is very keen on character development with the way she’s always striving to become better and to write better. She tries her best to write and to learn new ways to write things out. It’s not easy writing in a language that isn’t your first one. So I really respect that of Izuzu.

Now to be honest, when I first joined RTRP the only threads I really saw for Izuzu were ahhhh nsfw threads so I will admit that I was squinting at the screen like ‘wait is that really... all you thread?’ I grew nervous, I won’t lie. On my main blog, i’ve seen a lot of people who literally only really rp smut and they reach out to you just for that. If you don’t give them the smut they get all nasty with you. It’s really annoying when it gets to the point of bullying. No one really touched Haru though. She’s often neglected-- which is nice but it also means I get so much... dry spells and it’s sad. I digress, so I was a bit nervous about Izuzu to be honest and was just //avoid. I won’t lie. This meme is about brutal honesty so here it is. 

So seeing her reply to a regular open starter and having Izumi be a brat was relieving. At least it was like ‘okay so you are totally okay with threading things that aren’t NSFW. Thank you. QuQ I saw way too many people who are just like ‘INTRODUCTIONS’ and then ‘I WANT IN YOUR PANTS NOW’. I just 0-0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, does her interest in NSFW make her any less a great rp’er? No. Did it worry me though? Yes. Protect my son 2k16.

Izuzu has an interest in that, but she’s also interested in other things like fluff, angst, and daily life shenans. Really you can just send anything and she’ll probably be okay with the idea. A very adaptive rp’er. Like I said before, she can write a lot so sometimes she and I can have really long tangent threads, and then we both suffer because it’s so long. Why did we do this to ourselves? 

I’m just rambling on a lot, but in other words: Izuzu is a quality rp’er who often tends to think not so highly of her work. I personally believe she does very well for writing in a language that isn’t her mother tongue. You might not notice it at first when you first read her work. If you want a partner who is open to just about anything, and is serious about what they do, Izuzu is a good bet. 

Just note that Izuzu can be slow at times due to her being a part of multiple groups with many blogs. She’s got a lot going on so it would be hard to balance everything. Also a student so you know. Busy busy busy. Also normally writes a lot by default. So those are things to look out for and be mindful of if any of those bother you.

I think that will suffice. Gotta save some material for future memes, right? Can’t say everything now. Gotta wait for the next time. Ohohoho. This is how I make people come back because I’ll suddenly throw in more information/confessions.

**Note: Mun’s answer are all to be completely honest. Don’t send url if you don’t want brutal honesty.

[blcrawford-blog]

I'm in my 30's and I still don't know what I wanna do with my life!

When we were kids, we had it all figured out.  The sky was the limit and life was in our corner.  Remember career day?  Who or what did you dress up as?  Many of us were lawyers, teachers, fireman, police officers etc.  During freshman orientation in high school your principle and guidance counselor assured you you could be WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE IN THIS WORLD.  That was all a bag of sh*t, right?  

From 18 to 25 you had so many freaking ideas in your head.  Question's like:

Should I go to college for four years?

Should I go to college to experience the party life until I figure out what I want?

Should I get a job and lease an apartment and just chill?

Maybe go to the military and get more discipline in my life?

Start a YouTube channel and hope for the best?

Go to LA or NY and become an actor, model or singer?

Once you get to the ages of 27-29, this "oh sh*t, I better hurry up and figure this out" discernment pops into your head.  Now you become nervous because "30" is right around the corner, life is over and you're still a customer service rep or a warehouse worker.  

The most important thing you have to realized is that you're not to old to purse your dreams.  You can still figure this thing out!  

Jen Sincero author of You are a Badass and You are a Badass at Making Money wasn't always successful, in fact she went from living in a converted garage in her 40's, to becoming a #1 Bestseller.  Jen Sincero describes Badass as somebody who allows themselves to be big, bad and beautiful.

What were some things that kept her from being a Badass?

She was fearful of chasing after what she wanted, she didn't believe in herself and she was always broke.

What's one thing Jen did different to change her reality?

She started reading self-help books on how to stop doubting her greatness and start living an awesome life.

 Here are three immediate ways to discover your life's purpose today.

Reflection

Here is an exercise I tried and it worked for me.  Reflect back to when you were a child, you had no responsibility and was completely free from the worries of the world.  Back then you were much more imaginative.  What things were you interested in and excited about as a child?  Were you apart of a group, organization or team?  What did you daydream about all the time?  Who did you want to be like when you were younger?  What moments in life brought you ultimate joy? Or what did you tell mom and dad you wanted to be when you grew up?

 Take that thing, find out the requirements and pursue that thing.  If it’s not achievable, do something that is in the realm of that thing.  For example, if you desire to play football, but you physically can’t, then coach football, be the teams photographer, videographer etc.  If you love styling hair, get your training certification and get on with your new life.  

 50% method

People often ask the question, “What’s your passion?”  Truth is, I don’t have one.  What is something you give a damn about and don’t mind dedicating your time too?  Now that's more like it.  Half the people in the world don't have a passion, but merely an interest.  If you can find something you like doing at least fifty percent, you will be just fine.  A large percent of people working in corporate hates their current job, even if it's paying good money.  It's not about being hundred percent happy (well it's impossible anyway),  but if you're pleased with your career you should be in a good place.  For now.

 Purpose at Work

(This is from my ebook, "Habit's for Millennial Dad's: Creating a new world of Fatherhood while balancing work, self-purpose and spirituality")

The great Confucius once said, "Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life".  Find some happiness at work.  This simple choice could open a sea of benefits for you.  Think about it for a moment.  If you love what you're doing, you're literally not really working.  The love of that job drives you. 

Xavier Woods a professional football player started playing football at the tender age of nine years old.  Our father was the coach, so everyday Xavier would grind Monday through Friday, and manifest on Saturday's at Wolfba Park in West Monroe, Louisiana.  He'd put in to play all he learned through the week. Rain or cold Woods was out there perfecting his game and honing his craft and performing in the classrooms as well. And on Sunday's football was on every channel in the house.  He was completely immersed in the game of football every single day of the week.  Of course, this schedule continued through middle school, high school and even college at Louisiana Tech.  In high school, there was no question his sights were set on attending a college close to home and majoring in marketing, but more importantly, making it to the NFL.

After the NFL combine was the actual 2017 draft.  He had already visited the Colts, Cowboys and other teams to interview.  After all that training, weight lifting, running drills and team meetings, Woods received the call that changed his life, owner Jerry Jones welcoming to him to the Dallas Cowboys. 

His only career goal was to play professional football and influence up and coming athletes to work hard.  

Find your niche and go after what makes you happy! 

 Thank you for reading this blog. 

Make every effort find your niche, purpose, 50% method or reflection on life to find out what you need to do to embark on a more purposeful journey.

B. L. Crawford

Check out my other blogs: https://millennialhabits.blog/

My ebook Amazon "Habits for Millennial Dads": https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CBQFQM1/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1523207516&sr=1-1&keywords=habits+for+millennial+dads