#i could hone them if i had more time but we are doing DISCIPLINE and FOCUS

[synesindri]

iirc today is my last day of my the terror fandom speedrun...i should make a conclusions post

[bridgetotheskyyy]

Rock Lee - Abs Riding

a/n: this was so fun and different for me! I've never done anything with this kink before and I'm delighted to have it in my roister now. 18+ only. Est relationship, abs riding ofc.

Kinktober Masterlist

“You want to do what?” Rock Lee’s face was beet red.

“Don’t be like that.” Arms folded, you giggled as Lee shrunk away from two girls walking by, as though they would hear what you had said three seconds ago. “Lee, c’mon, it’s not like we haven’t done kinkier things.”

“Those were very different …” Lee’s face recovered to more of a maroon. How exactly they were different was beyond you; Lee had insisted on taking you in every position, every manageable way two bodies could fit together, and yet this was too much? His gentility, at times befuddled you. “This — this is a public place. Why would you want to do this? It does not sound exactly … pleasurable.”

“Don’t be silly,” You said. “Lots of girls are doing it with their guys now! Ino told me she and Sai —“

“Why am I not surprised Ino had something to do with this?” Lee’s eyes flickered past to the shogi doors to the training hall. “Lotus flower, this is …” He trailed, glancing again at the shadows manifested from the inside of the room. “Uncalled for.”

“It’ll be after hours, Lee. No one will see.” You ran an adoring finger over Lee’s bicep. “After all, aren’t you just a wee bit curious?”

“I …” The blush had returned to Lee’s face. “Well, I suppose you could say that.” A hint of a smile. “I had no idea you had such an appreciation for my physique …”

“Are you kidding?” You chuckled. “You’re a god, Lee …”

Not just empty praise; your boyfriend’s body was the envy of many. Muscles sculpted from years of training, a physique honed by discipline built on a foundation of hours, days, years.

Lee’s gaze fell to the hall’s floor. “Do you truly think that?”

“I do,” You said, coming closer, arriving somewhat level with Lee’s lips. “And I’m sure I could get off just that alone. So how about it?”

Conflict arose on Lee’s face, his eyes darting as he debated whether or not to give in to your desires. 

“Don’t tell me Rock Lee is backing down from a challenge.”

Then:

“Al — all right …” 

“That’s my handsome devil.” You smiled, satisfied you’d won. 

But not satisfied enough.

And so when the training center went dark and Lee’s explanation for your continued attendance was overtime training, Might Guy’s smile could’ve made up for the lack of light, and he left the two of you to your devices. 

“Don’t just look at me!” You told Lee, mirroring the actions you wanted him to undertake; unzipping your jacket until the swell of your breasts broke free. “Get undressed …!”

“Ah, fuck, Lee …”

Lee kept a trembling hold of your hips, eyes squeezed tight as you rocked your cunt against his abs. 

“You feel so fucking good …” Your fingers crept up to Lee’s nipples and brushed over the hard pebbles. 

Lee flushed under the enormity of your praise — something you had only a second to appreciate before your clit grazed over a ridge in Lee’s abs.

“Ah …” You bowed your head, eyes fluttering shut. You pinched both his nipples in between your fingers, gasped when Lee bucked up into you in response. You knew without knowing that if you scooted backwards even an inch your ass would be met with a tent in Lee’s training shorts, a fact that only sent you rocking harder against his chest to the soundtrack of his shallow breathing. He’s so gorgeous.

“Are you sure I — hah —  we should be doing this — hah —  in the training room?” he said. “I’m sure I could — hah — bring you much more satisfaction if we were allowed —“

As if on cue you pressed a hand against the training mat to regain your balance. “It’s okay, Lee.” The emptiness of the training room itself amplified every sound Lee fed you, every whimper and moan and sigh, setting all of them to a fine echo. He might have been worried about Guy walking in on you two, but you knew as much as he did that if he was going to remove you from him he would’ve done it already. 

Lee’s eyes were focused underneath you, cognizant of the slick moistening his abs. With a swipe over his lower lip, he pressed you down on him and began to rock you against his abs.

You sucked a breath in, your hands flying to his wrists. “Lee —“ It felt so good. He felt so good. Everything about Lee was strong, steady, hard. The bumps of his abs brushed and grated heavenly against your labia, your clit receiving most of the exquisite friction. 

“No need to be so timid,” Lee murmured, eyes half lidded in watching you thrash against him.

Said thrashing only added to your pleasure. One hand abandoned Lee’s wrist to fondle your breast. He unceremoniously rocked into your cunt and white spots erupted in your mind’s eye. 

You fell forward, your hands on his shoulders in hopes of steadying you. “Lee, fuckfuckfuck —“ 

“You’re so beautiful,” Lee said. He swept some of your juices with his finger and smeared it over your neglected tit, teasing the nipple. “So …”

“Mm — Fuck, fuck, Lee …” Another moan slipped from your lips when Lee leaned forward and caught your nipple in his mouth, surely tasting you on the wrinkled skin. 

A rhythm was set; Your cunt chased Lee’s abs, and he would meet you in the middle to complete the teasing. Arms secured around his strong neck, you bucked into him. Lee’s hand came to cup the moon of one of your ass cheeks and scoot you up higher.

“Aha!” You bit your lip at the feel of his rugged happy trail, the razor feel of Lee’s hair amplifying the friction.

“This would be — hah — quite the motivator for me,” Lee said, observing what must have been a myriad of expressions skating over your face. He swerved his hips underneath you just so and was rewarded with a whimper. “To see you cum fro — from only this. Not to mention — ah — a healthy dose for my ego …”

“Lee!” You were bouncing now, chasing your high. All the while hyperaware of the emptiness inside you, and how just inches away Lee’s clothed erection waited, occasionally poking at your spine, begging to be brought forth and fucking buried inside you. The blue balls he must have — a thought that only brought you closer —

With a firm hold on your ass, Lee helped to rock you, the endless slide of his abs under your clit more than you could bear.

“Are you going to —?”

“Yeah!”

“Oh — oh.” Lee’s moan was nestled in a shudder. You became aware of his other hand, the repetitive up-down motion of his forearm. You glanced behind you to see his cock, sitting at the crook of your ass, being stroked frantically in his fist. All the while you’d had no idea of what he was doing; at some point the sight of your writhing above him had become too much to bear and he’d freed himself to beat off.

The sight — the knowledge — went straight to your clit at the precise moment, and with three more shifts of your hips against Lee’s abs you were over the edge, cumming over his abdomen, leaving a mess of slick and juice. Behind you, Lee’s white spent was pumping from his cock, painting the clefts of your ass while his cock twitching against the plump skin there. 

Your jerks above him became sporadic, quick, mere juts as you chased the end of your orgasm to the sound of Lee’s repetitive exclamations of your name. The end of your orgasm and beyond, until the pleasure concentrated in your clit became akin to pain. 

And yet you still needed Lee’s strong arms to assist in stilling your hips, forcing you to catch your breath. He had clearly come to sooner than you had. You blinked heavy-lidded eyes down at Lee’s. He was looking up at you with adoration, a smile presumably inspired by the absurdity of it all. 

“So,” he said, voice adorably labored, “did this go as desired? I believe this was quite successful …”

I love him, I love him, I love him. You bent down to kiss Lee, the lip-to-lip contact sufficing for as much of an answer as you could deliver for a good while. After a moment, you drew back to smile at him. 

“How could it not?” You asked, brushing your nose against his. “My boyfriend always gives one-hundred ten percent.”

[dickinson-devotee]

Iron Maiden, As Known By...

STEVE HARRIS as known by Janick Gers (2003)

I was introduced to Steve and Bruce when Gillan were playing Hammersmith Odeon back in the Eighties. I quite liked the lad at the time, and I met him subsequently at a few Maiden gigs after that. He always seemed quite intense and serious and aware of what was going on.

As a person, Steve is one of the few people you meet that you can trust totally. He wouldn’t sell you down the river, he wouldn’t badmouth you behind your back; he’s a very straight fella. You can confide in him and it won’t get passed around, and he doesn’t bullshit. He has the ability to stand back and look at both sides of a situation, but if he’s convinced that he’s right, he will argue with every fibre of his body and he’ll never change his mind, which I think is a great strength. He has very strong mental tolerance.

In situations where other bands might have caved in, the one thing that has kept Iron Maiden doing what it does best is Steve, because he has this belief that what he’s doing is right. When you’re in a young band and your record company come to you, saying, 'You need to soften up your sound, we need a single', Steve’s the kind of guy you need to turn round to them and say, 'Fuck off!'

Steve has a very fertile imagination and a very simple way of writing lyrics. It’s not highbrow stuff – it’s deeper than that. He writes it as he sees it and you really get the feeling the words are from inside him. Every time I play the song ‘Blood Brothers’, it makes me shiver, because he hit the nail on the head. He lost his dad when he was on tour and when things like that happen to you, sometimes you go to deep places - everyone experiences that - but to be able to write it down is another thing. When you read his lyrics, there’s an honesty in there that comes out and he opens himself up more than he does when you’re talking to the guy.

He’s a great football player and he had the choice to play football professionally or play music when he was a kid, but I think he made the right decision. I don’t think he could cope with the discipline of the footballer’s life at the time when you’re a teenager and you’re starting to meet people and get into music. He’s his own man. But having said that, he doesn’t drink much and he takes care of his body – that’s very important to him. Being a sportsman, his attitude is that if your body is healthy, your mind is too, and I think that helps with the band, because you don’t get locked into that stupid rock'n’roll 'let’s go party every night' lifestyle.

He is an idiosyncratic bass player. He picked up the bass and taught himself in such a way that nobody can really copy it. People say it’s like a lead guitar, but it’s not. It gives the band a basis and it moves around quite a lot, but it’s the tone that he has. He has a way of hearing things and a tone that isn’t normally associated with a bass, it’s more like a rhythm guitar. Him and Nicko provide the pulse of Iron Maiden, the body of the band. You copy it at your peril, because the sound of Maiden is built around the way Steve plays bass and the only band that it would work in is Maiden.

Steve has been very involved in the new album. He has this tunnel vision where he can really hone in on things and he has this tremendous focus when he’s recording albums - or doing anything with Iron Maiden really. He wants to get it right and he’s prepared to put the time in. Not many people have that kind of determination and focus.

He is a very, very strong personality. Without his drive and ambition, it wouldn’t be Iron Maiden, no doubt about it. He’s its heart and its power.

[qyburn]

Does Ole know how to fight? He looks like someone physically trained in the sense of combat, the jump in the gas station scene is very well choreographed (congratulations to Sam for the performance, even considering his height) - I'm a jiu-jitsu fighter and a ballerina, he did a jump very acrobatic in that scene, and I also imagine that he wasn't the type of hitman who kills you with a sniper, but the type who, if necessary, will go into brute force combat.

There's also the scene of him rescuing Dot from the well, Munch literally arrived with everything at Roy's henchman, unarmed and with only a knife (considering he had the knife that blinded Gator), I wanted to see the combat scenes with him, like we saw Malvo, Numbers, Wrench and so on. He seems very well trained to me.

(he seems to follow more of a stealthy style of combat)

ooo yes I love this question >:333

yes I do believe munch knew how to fight, though not formally. again, this is a situation where time is on his side; his own personal form of self defense that he's used for so long it almost resembles a discipline of martial arts were it not for how bestial & instinctive it is. at least with martial arts you can tell there was a before and after while the skills were honed, but munch has always needed to lash back at predators. its likeness to formal combat comes with his eventual incorporation of firearms combined with the pseudo-psychic knowledge he has of human behavior.

munch seems to prefer firearms as a last resort, though & doesn't appear to like relying on them. idk he seemed exasperated when he had to pull out the assault rifle in ep1, & when defending himself against gator in ep2, the scene clearly reads that he is the weapon, and not the pistol. age has not withered him but made him unnaturally strong and fast. thats more my headcanon since its feasible for a grown man to snap another grown man's wrist but learning of munch's supernatural origins adds that different flavor to his physical prowess.

im of the mind that munch's path to becoming a hitman was a complicated one rather than something he just picked up to survive. "a man is paid to soldier" but then he lays down his arms to go live with a community that welcomes him, until "the cannon & the musket" pull him back into solitude. i think thats when he starts using firearms as an extension of himself, to seek revenge. he probably had his own formal hunting skills, sure, but now that the significance behind those skills has been ripped from him, he wants to feed that cruelty back. bows & arrows become guns, and when he cant pick off his enemies from afar, he uses his hands and teeth. it might also be a form of punishment, like attaching a gangrenous limb to a stump. it provides you with temporary reach at the cost of poisoning you.

I thought it was interesting that he knew he was going to be ambushed the second he saw those men through the bushes & yet still followed gator to the shed (?) instead of incapacitating him before they turned the corner. I think he wanted to humiliate him, and, in turn, roy, by proving he's just as useless being supported by others as he is alone. kinda pretentious here so bear with me, but I also thought it was great that munch subdued gator by yanking his groin. a very good blink-and-you'll-miss-it instance of munch using the tillmans' masculinity against them.

the whole thing with dot's rescue will always be fascinating to me no matter what bc of all the unspoken layers leading up to it. munch went to the ranch with the intent of hurting gator, but somewhere along the way he sensed dot's presence, like he could smell her fear, and he followed it. from the way that one henchman was pulled, we can infer munch snuck up from behind, maybe from low ground, which would explain why the others didn't readily see him from their peripherals. that combined with his ferocity threw them off guard just enough that he could disarm them. instead of approaching them as another henchman, which he temporarily was, he rips them apart. instead of leaving dot to use the ladder, he checks up on her, remarks about the unfairness of her situation, and extends a hand. there is a clear thought process here, not entirely governed by animal instincts. he does sense the caged animal in dot, but the residual human in him desires contact and reassurance and the need to help, especially someone who's so like him that it haunts him. I've waxed on about it before but its so "stray animal learns to respect the human that feeds it" except he & dot weren't on that level yet. it was just a spiritual connection, one that was unequivocally necessary to act on. humans are social animals, but animals all the same, & that dormant part of his brain that yearned for love all those centuries was poked at, ironically, after being beaten in battle by this woman who was at her most animalistic. a prey animal turned predator.

[silvercap]

I really love your fic Aura and I was wondering how you think krauser and leon's relationship would have continued within that story.

Took me a minute to get my thoughts together on this, but boy do I have a lot of them, anon 🤭

They're so complicated to me, and I'm honestly kind of (read: intensely) obsessed with the dynamic of teacher-partner-antagonist they have going. The way things end in re4 is something out of a tragedy, and Krauser's motivations are always a bit of a mystery to me. But let's back up a bit, first:

I actually have plans to write a sort of follow-up to Aura, but I've been so busy with everything else that I haven't gotten around to it, haha. I'm interested in their military training days, and what exactly Krauser and Leon had that made them spar each other in private and for Krauser to train Leon more than anyone else. The fact that he's never been in any sort of military setting before and was thrown directly into special forces training is a pretty raw deal, and I think Krauser would notice him struggling to keep up. It's hard to say what exactly Krauser knows from the government, but the situation is fishy to anyone with eyes, and I think he's a smart enough guy to piece together at least a little bit of what Leon's going through. Leon's presence is an anomaly he has to figure out, and paying attention to him just makes Krauser more interested in his obvious talent and strange paradoxical attempts to do his best. Pair that with Leon's big blue eyes and pretty face, and I think Krauser is pretty much sold on training him more than the rest of his soldiers. Of course, because it's Krauser, that involves brutal conditioning and self-discipline (he likes control) and I've joked with @electricfencing that they probably hunt each other through the forest with knives for 'stealth' and 'awareness' training 😭😭 I also think there's something to be said for the jealousy of everyone else training under Krauser, critical of his blatant favoritism, and there's conflict there I'd really like to explore in a fic!!

I think a lot of Krauser's motivation is to shape Leon into not only an equal but someone who can surpass him as a fighter, taking advantage of his natural skills and honing him into a weapon like Krauser is. He's big on power, especially in re4, but I feel like he's always seeking to make himself better and passes that on to Leon because it's a way to show he cares. With the whole "I trained you well" line in Spain, he hands over the metaphorical torch, acknowledging that Leon has beaten him and has gained the power he wanted Leon to have in the first place. And I think Leon goes along with it because it makes him feel wanted, even if the last thing he wants is to become violent and weaponized, because Krauser is there for him when nobody else is. He's eager to please and easily moldable into whatever shape Krauser wants him to be, and that dedication just draws Krauser in like a moth to flame.

In terms of romance, there's a ton of homoerotic tension from day one, and they've definitely kissed and done more than kiss, but considering the setting and who they are I'm not sure how deep it goes. I think they probably have at least a few months of established 'togetherness' and casual domesticity, even if they don't talk about it. I see Krauser being the one to pull away, and I've written a couple drabbles on the subject, especially with his arm injury and operation Javier throwing a wrench in their relationship and giving Krauser disillusionment in his job and disappointment in himself. I think Leon would be the one to get more attached, and Krauser's 'death' and actual death hit him hard both times.

I could quite literally write an essay on the two of them, and I'm also really fascinated by the concept of them as parallels---with the opening of Darkside Chronicles, we get introduced to the imagery of snakes and butterflies, and ughhhhh the metaphor potential is crazyyy. On the surface, Leon can fit into the butterfly space (pretty, naïve, light etc.) and Krauser is the snake (dangerous, relentless, strong) but the real significance comes from what they have in common... which is metamorphosis. Both snakes and butterflies are symbolic of change; a continual cycle of rebirth and a one-time transformation, respectively, which is why I think Krauser is closer to a butterfly and Leon is closer to a snake. Leon lives a much more cyclical life, always falling apart and coming back together only to fall apart and lose something again, where Krauser's transformation is a brief burst of power and strength that is unsustainable and burns him out. They share the need to change themselves, but the motivations are different, and it's part of what makes them so tragic as a pairing. They were bound to separate from the start!! I had a whole rant a while back about their purposes in life and the way they try to deal with an intangible 'hole' they can't fill, but this is starting to delve into character analysis instead of relationship analysis 😭 you've stumbled onto something I've thought a lot about, haha. I hope this was coherent, and thanks for the ask!! I'm ill about metaltango and I will always talk about them happily <33

[terrence-silver]

Could we please have a scenario where Terry just keeps fvcking beloved when someone walks in on them

---

In moments like these, he truly missed Margaret Spencer.

Milos Dadok.

His old waiting staff from approximately thirty years ago back when he was still stationed at his Beverly Hills statement Mayan temple mansion overlooking Griffith Park in the heart of LA, because if Terry had a time machine and the ability to place you in it along with himself, push a button and go back three decades, he supposed he'd simply do this in front of them.

But as things were, the posse he flew in from Korea would have to do, seeing how there were perks to their ascetic levels of discipline and among others, it was the fact that they never minded when he fucked you in front of them, without concealing it, his leisure infinite. It was his house after all, his rules, his domain, his court --- they, his honored guests from afar, naturally. But, that didn't render his daily habits obsolete just because they were here. Quite the contrary. Their stoicism, it was a learned skill they honed all their lives --- no differently than he himself did. His Fist didn't flinch when faced with pain, hardship, training, blood or guts. Sex. At you sprawled out on the couch as he took you from behind while they mingled around, patrolling the premises, Sensei Min-Jun, Morozov and Odell acting his as his modern-day equivalent of a Praetorian guard; not that he needed one, but he enjoyed the prestige of living like an Emperor simply because he could. Fucking like an Emperor simply because he had you. Why should he stop for anyone in the world? Anything in the world? Terry would envy even the smallest patch of exposed of flesh on your skin in front of anyone else, but his Fist? They were more like extensions of him. His eyes, his fingers, his muscles. Them seeing you beneath him counted as much as not being seen at all. Such was the tutelage of Kim Sun Yung. They functioned like a unit, when need be. One being, especially in times of war.

These were such times. The times of extreme measures.

-"Sasong."- Sensei Hyan-Woo stands on attention, addressing him and approaching the sofa, honorifics on display, hands crossed behind his back, seemingly unfettered that you had your face dug into the fabric of the couch, body jiggling back and forth under Terry's rhythm, your fingers desperately gripping the material, your gasps wordless. -"Security on the premises could be reinforced. What do you want us to do about it?"- He asks and Terry wasn't concerned about security or anyone breaking in, focusing on the tender flesh of your ass facing him. The idea was ludicrous. He'd leave his door wide open if need be as an invitation to anyone who wanted to cross him. He was king here. He'd act the king. If Larusso, Lawrence or whoever else wanted to play tough, well then, so be it. Kings don't hide. That's why they're kings. -"Let them come to us. I want them to be able to."- Terry manages through gritted teeth and waves of pleasure, rutting back and forth, eyes pinned on the outlined of your naked back, grabbing either side of your bouncing hips. -"Fight us on our own territory."- He adds through a heated grunt, his hands reaching forward to tangle themselves in your hair. Hyan-Woo nods, firm faced and icy, turning to leave, accepting his orders and directions; his poker face borderline amusing. -"Understood, Sasong."- He says with a small bow, the door of the lobby shuts behind him. The moan you've been suppressing comes out tattered and broken once you're alone, impaled on his cock.

Terry hums in appreciation in return. Shy, were you? Even now?

Oh, thirty years ago.

Thirty years ago, if Margaret was still around, she'd merely push the bridge of her glasses on her eyes at the sight of this, give you and him a speculative glance and continue working, ignoring the debauchery going on right in front of her, ever the face of unflinching professionalism. Unfortunately, good, old Mrs. Spencer wasn't around anymore, rest her soul. But some things? Some things and some habits never had to change. They only had to take a different shape.

[patriciavetinari]

Also a post I've been marinating for some time, but I had a thought that when I see very valid concerns from autistic and neurodivergent people about untold/unwritten rules about communication and social life and now that I've fallen into a certain vintage rabbit hole I keep thinking how those rules used to be much less unwritten because that's what etiquette was there to teach.

But this is such a big topic and I realize the bourgeois origins of etiquette but on the other hand it is/was at some point an entire field of learning and developing.

I don't necessarily think neurotypical people are inherently (even less genetically) better at social norms or even social cues, I mean most of us will meet plenty of people that are rude, offensive, inconsiderate and we wouldn't know about their mental health or they would be neurotypical and still fuck up social situtations. They might get away with them in some scenarios because Those specific fuck-ups would be considered Lighter than common and harmless neurodivergent behaviors because of current socia norms.

Society and every form of behavior is shaped by mainstream views and politics, so a society thay hates neurodivergency will have an etiquette that hates neurodivergency, but essentially, etiquette as a study is still the tool to achieve some common ground in understanding social behavior and set up norms for being considerate that have been changing with the times.

Etiquette as a tool can very much be used for good, especially if rewritten and reurposed to include neurodivergent people, just like it has been repurposed to not include a chapter for disciplining a slave.

I just think that now on social media popular etiquette content focuses too much on stuff like napkin placement and how to cross your legs and how to eat a prawn correctly with knife and fork and less on how to have a conversation, which in itsef is and has always been a skill and neurotypical people are also generally garbage at conversations, genuinely, because it's not really viewed as a skill anymore.

Things like choosing words, expressing yourself, being mindful of the time spent speaking, including others in a respectful way, eloquence – this is not some underlying genetic code that neurotypicals inherit and neurodivergent people lack, it's all a skill that can be honed. Plenty of neurotypical people make others uncofortable in social situations, even if the manner of the doing this might be different from neurodivergent people. Not even necessarily that, because even on tumblr one regularly sees discussions and polls if certain very common behaviors are considered offensive or helpful and the answers are often very polarized (eg opinions on infodumping, providing help by wallowing together or planning actions, is telling your own story to comfort another's misery helpful or not etc etc etc). Is it worse etiquette to infodump or to consider person infodumping weird and ostracize them? Discuss.

Still, I'd say, honing the etiquette and rhetoric as skills intended to resolve Anxieties around social situations could help a lot of neurotypical people be more at ease in that area of life. I should probably research if any such work exists already, because I frequenty see neurodivergent people here sharing advice on how to fit their behaviors better into society which is an advice, essentially, on how to be more considerate – which is etiquette. Tumblr users are writing etiquette advice.

So I think we should very much lean into that and explore that. Instead of saying 'what is a safe way to infodump or stim' we can reframe it as 'what is the etiquette for taking the floor to talk about a passion at length / what is the etiquette of incorporating stimming into a social setting'. And this absolutely should go both ways: 'what is the etiquette of communicating with a non-verbal person' etc etc.

And yes I 100% do think it should be framed less as a medical / patronizing / coping issue and more like 'this is a fellow human being, be fucking polite and considerate to them'.

[themaybejade]

a bit about me and my canon mates

this isn’t going to be comprehensive, just based on who and what i can remember. i have had art made for some of them, but not everyone.

roxy calmasis lalonde, one of the loves of my life. though, if you can believe it, we actually didnt get along very well at first!! she was very loud and over-the-top when we met, and i was resentful of how much of roses time she took up (though rose and i had been separated for a while by then). but she keyed in on the whole “dont overstimulate the autistic puppygirl” thing eventually, and we grew super close.

i think the thing i remember the most is her laugh. it was such a sweet sound, and after jane and i helped her overcome her drinking problem, we got to hear it all the time. she was cute, and silly, and fun, and she loved to sit or lean on me while jane combed my ears, telling nonsense stories and helping with my need for pressure stimming by pressing her fingers into my skin.

both of us were transfem switches, so we got along amazingly in the bedroom. she had a major hand fetish, and loved when i would wear the sheer lace gloves that jane got for her birthday.

i still need to get a good stand-alone drawing of jane. its been rough, trying to remember her - a lot of my earliest memories that i ever uncovered were blocked out again after an incident where someone who was supposedly my canon mate abandoned me years ago. they had reached out on tumblr, reminisced with me, and then just left out of the blue. and that really hurt.

its getting a bit easier now though. it was her idea to help roxy overcome her addiction, and she was the one who took care of me the most when i had breakdowns. i remember the first night after we entered the session, i had a huge freakout over things that had happened in the game, and went running. the first room i got to was janes, by coincidence, and she stayed up all night with me, just holding me and talking me through things. i think thats when i fell in love.

she was 100% a domme top, and she was amazing at it. she helped keep both roxy and i in line with firm rules and routine discipline, both inside and outside of the bedroom. she absolutely loved when i was feeling comfortable enough to wear flashier outfits, and couldnt keep her hands off me in a short skirt.

she was the lover, mama, caretaker, and friend that i needed more than almost anything. right up until i was captured by the empress, she did everything she could to take care of me, and also take care of roxy, and theres nothing in my timeline that i appreciate more than the love she showed me.

vriska fucking serket. my kismesis. the biggest pain in my ass ever, she was absolutely obsessed with riling me up whenever she got the chance, usually by calling me a lolicon for being attracted to her, because she was so small.

shes the reason that all of our friends survived their time on the meteor - she had been experimenting with her god tier powers, and accidentally managed to do the impossible: she radiated luck for a brief moment, and it saved everyone. every blow that fell was nonlethal, just barely missing vital spots or otherwise being survivable. the only one who actually died was kanaya, but she got better because she was a rainbow drinker.

she hated me a lot, because i was easily the most powerful player across all the sessions at that point, and i didnt really use that strength for anything. i was meek, quiet, shy, scared. and that made her furious. she would always push me to go farther, to move out of my comfort zones, and to hone my skills both as a witch of space and a first guardian.

conversely, i hated her because she was so dishonest with herself, and the people around her. she could never admit that she needed anything, shed just manufacture a way to get it. a lot of the time that included wanting to have sex: she would get me worked up until i was good and mad, and then taunt me to do something about it - at which point i would catch on and kick her ass. she got better over time as i started to train her to ask for things, but that never extended to the two of us having sex.

dave is the last of my pictured friends. he was albino and african-american, and was ridiculously obsessive about his hair. he would spend hours keeping it pressed and straightened and perfectly coiffed. he wouldnt say it out loud, but i knew it was because of his bro, and not wanting to look like him.

we had a brief fling together, but it didn’t last super long. he was very handsy and cuddly, nearly as touch-starved as i was. he was a “cool kid”, which is to say a massive fucking dork, and one of my best friends. we would just chill a lot, hanging out and eating shitty snacks and just chatting each others ears off. i dont remember much more than that, but he was a great guy.

rose and i were very on again, off again partners from a young age. honestly we were terrible for each other, but we both kept clinging desperately to what we had. she remained my moirail, even after our last falling out, but she was much happier and far better off with kanaya as a matesprit

she was the one who helped me discover that i was trans, and helped me come out to our other friends. it was her strength and courage and love that got me through the game itself, and i will never be able to repay her for all the things she did for me.

we had a very physical relationship, even before we met in person. we would talk on video a lot (our pesterchum client had that feature), and she introduced me to a lot of my kinks. we only had sex a few times throughout the game and shortly after reaching the meteor, but we separated not long after. we were only sort-of together when i killed myself, and i dont think she ever totally forgave me for it; after that, while we were still very deeply pale, we never went beyond cuddling and some gentle cheek or forehead kisses again.

egbert, of the three friends i went into the game with, is the one i can recall the least. a prankster, a jokester, a mischievous little imp; hung around with vriska and terezi a lot, and they were all horrible influences on each other :P

i found out through dave that she transitioned some time after i left. i never actually got to meet june; it wasnt much longer past that that the end came. but i hope she was as happy as i can remember being as a girl.

the last one i have any strong memories of is nepeta, and theyre unfortunately not the best memories. rose and i were on the outs - though still technically a couple if in name only; we hadnt really told anyone else we were going to break up - and she had just gotten let down pretty roughly by karkat. she got completely sloshed on faygo and came into my room on the meteor, while i was in the middle of a breakdown and not really thinking right. she talked for a bit about how nice it was to feel desired, when i had flirted with her not long after coming aboard the meteor, and we eventually ended up having pity sex.

equius found us the next morning and it turned into a big shitshow. he accused me of cheating on rose, of taking advantage of his moirail in a moment of crisis, and only stopped barely short of claiming that id raped her. almost everyone took his side because nepeta couldnt remember much, and since they wouldnt listen to me, i tried to get rose to help me out, but it wasnt working very well.

that afternoon, rose and i had our last big fight, when i told her to leave and not to come back. and then i killed myself. not that i stayed dead, of course; suicide like that is neither heroic nor just.

afterwards, the shock got the others to think a bit more rationally about the whole situation. things calmed down, and nepeta and i stayed good friends after she sobered up enough to tell equius off and apologize for everything. we probably would have been matesprits if i hadnt ended up falling so hard for jane and roxy, but we were still super close nonetheless.

[sangrcfria]

"EITHER YOU GOT A LAZY EYE OR A LACK OF RESPECT. WHICH IS IT BOY?"

 ⟨  –  clayton cardenas, cis man, he/him.  ⟩ it seems like sergio rivera has been seen around town, humming en el muelle de san blas by maná  under their breath. apparently they are a  38 / 2000 year old child of the moon. townsfolk whisper about them being loyal and protective, but also repentant and careful. they’re a member of the children of the moon pack, and they give off the vibes of rough hands having a surprisingly gentle touch, the smell of engine oil and cedarwood, always keeping a watchful eye . 

THREADS | MUSINGS | MIRROR | PINTEREST | MEMES

b a s i c s

full name ➔ sergio antonio rivera nicknames ➔ serg, gio age ➔ 30 ( +300 ) species ➔ child of the moon birthday ➔ september 22nd gender ➔ cisman ( he / him )sexual orientation ➔ pansexual fc ➔ clayton cardenas

a b o u t  

two thousand years ago, the children of the moon weren't a myth nor were they hurting in numbers. sergio doesn't remember who or how we was turned but back then it was seen as more of a blessing than a curse.

early in sergio’s life as a child of the moon he had to fight off a lot of vampires to stay alive and thus, developed a real hatred for them to the point that he wouldn’t hesitate to eradicate a vampire if they messed with him or his pack. one night he and some vampires got into a fight, which resulted in sergio killing off the small coven. all except for a baby, which happened to be a hybrid offspring of one of the vampires he just fought. guilt takes over and sergio decided to raise this hybrid as if they were his own. ( wc in the main )

raising a hybrid wasn't easy as a child of the moon and sergio had to do a lot of soul-searching to grow over his hatred for vampires, enough to be able to be a good father for the hybrid he picked up.

over the years sergio mellowed out some and learned to prioritize protection and discipline over revenge and bloodlust.

in forks, he runs a bar called la media luna he specifically made the bar into a safe haven for the supernatural and has a very strict no fighting policy. ( especially between species )

he still doesn't entirely trust vampires, especially the volturi, but he has learned the difference between being vigilant and being prejudice.

overall, sergio is a respect member of the community and has been in forks for a looong time.

c o n n e c t i o n s

cheaper than therapy ➔ sergio is not a man of many words and by extension… that makes him a pretty solid listener. so this would be someone who goes to sergio for advice or just to vent. ( open to any species )

bodyguard ➔ maybe someone hires him or asks him to guard them for a couple of nights? honestly, this could just be an excuse to go on a road trip together ( open to any species )

mentor ➔ i would love for him to take a role of a mentor for another shapeshifter or a child of the moon. bring them under his wing so that he can give them tips on how to deal with their rage, hone their skills, yada yada ( open to a shapeshifter or a child of the moon )

we ride at dawn ➔ biker gang! maybe a mechanic he trusts with his ride. maybe they get together once a week and ride their motorcycles over to some local bars. ( open to any species but would love for it to be a child of the moon thing )

right hand man ➔ while sergio does possess many qualities of a leader, he finds himself most comfortable taking a second in command role. what he lacks in the ability to charm and rally he makes up in physical strength and loyalty. the person he follows would have to be someone who's interesting in keeping the people of forks safe. ( open to any species )

i also have some more wc in his pinterest

p e r s o n a l i t y

+reliable +loyal +protective -reserved -possessive -stubborn mbti ➔  ISTP natal chart ➔  ↑ virgo ⊙ leo ☾ libra inspired by ➔ jawbone ( fantasy high ), eddard stark ( game of thrones ), arthur morgan ( red dead redemption 2 ), jim hopper ( stranger things ), hakoda ( avatar: the last air bender )

[variousqueerthings]

[Image ID:

(1) the ruling class benefits from illiteracy.

(2) short-form video entertains more than it sticks.

(3) reading is a discipline distinct from listening, watching, or other forms of literacy. It's a skill that needs to be honed separately.

(4) Absolutely no one comes to save us but us.

/ID END]

I felt the need to share some excerpts from this, not because it summarises all the points of the essay (which should be read in full), but because I wanted to share that it's a very kind essay. the author knows the difficulties that many have faced in becoming literate, and is gently taking the reader by the hand to consider what strength it takes to continue despite that -- to be honest, my issue has never been with literary literacy, but with financial and numbers-based literacy, and it's something I've started challenging in the last few years as well

it comes from similar things, and it serves the same end: see above, point (1). and we forge ahead despite the difficulty and frustration because, see above point (4)

quotes:

"The far easier route: traumatize the kids. Make them hate reading. Tie plenty of guilt, shame, and fear in the process of returning to reading in adulthood. Make them feel like it’s an innate talent— you have it or you don’t— rather than a skill you need to learn, hone, and practice. You never have to burn the books if no one ever wants to read them in the first place. And this means you can allow texts that chronicle blueprints for our collective liberation to hang out in plain sight. The internet age is the most collective access to information we have ever had as humans in every iteration of our timeline— and most of us cannot read it well enough to allow it to change our lives."

[...]

"Non-fiction words felt like homework in childhood— honestly, without understanding the importance of studying the human tapestry as this big, long, interconnected story, non-fiction still feels like homework to me.

Reading fiction as a child opened up three very important conclusions: (1) that reading could feel good, (2) that other worlds were possible, and that (3) it was possible to make up worlds. I remember the book that unlocked that third conclusion: Inkheart by Cornelia Funke. Someone just… made up the world cast between the pages of this book. Multiple worlds, in fact. What does that mean for this world? How much of my world can I make up?"

[...]

"The challenge of reading is to navigate the narrative without the overtures of overt feelings. There is no face to latch onto, no music that sways you. Words on a page especially cannot compete with screen-time. They’re not meant to. The boredom opens up space in your mindscape to your own thoughts, opinions, and feelings."

[...]

"I read too because I witness, on the other sides of the world, Palestinian scholars, journalists, poets be exploded, entire universities be leveled be swept from the earth. I witness the most internally displaced people in Sudan be a population of children, who may never read and write because of what their world becomes. Colonialism necessitates systems of education turned to rubble so that they alone make the stories and the images and the vehicles of emotion. And we in the United States buy into the lie it’s just coincidentally “too hard” to read."

[...]

"Bite-sized thoughts— especially short form video— convince you that the whole thing is right in front of you. I am trapped in an academic zoo, wherein I produce thoughts or emotions or projects what have you and often receive nothing meaningful back. The critique I receive on TikTok and Instagram… just… constantly lacks basis. Disappointing! Lackluster! I like to be critiqued. Critical analysis allows artists to take more compelling, cutting, bitter cunning shape. Short conformity stunts our conversation to the length of your attention span. This undermines the communion between artist and muse."

[...]

"make yourself an enemy of hopelessness and complacency. do not listen to the voices, internal and external, that tell you you cannot. you can. read. read. read. you must.

for me. and the children to come after us. because if we can’t read, what chance will they stand?

I hope the words, and the work, of your day pass through your hands with ease.

or, simpler said: peace."

"Absolutely no one comes to save us but us."

Ismatu Gwendolyn, "you've been traumatized into hating reading (and it makes you easier to oppress)", from Threadings, on Substack [ID'd]

[houstongolflesson1]

Success Stories from the Best Golf Lessons in Houston

Golf, often regarded as a challenging yet rewarding sport, requires a blend of physical skill, mental acuity, and discipline. Whether you're a novice trying to master the basics or an experienced player aiming to refine your technique, the right guidance can significantly accelerate your progress. Houston, with its numerous golf courses, academies, and instructors, has become a hotspot for aspiring golfers to hone their skills.

This blog explores real success stories from golfers who transformed their games through best golf lessons Houston. These stories demonstrate the life-changing impact of professional instruction and offer inspiration for those looking to improve their own game.

1. From Novice to Confident Golfer: Sarah’s Journey with Group Lessons

Sarah had never picked up a golf club before attending a group lesson at Memorial Park Golf Course. Initially, she was intimidated by the idea of learning a complex sport in a group setting. However, after just a few weeks of beginner golf lessons in Houston, her perspective on the game—and her skills—completely changed.

Her Story:

“I was nervous about embarrassing myself in front of others, but the group atmosphere was so supportive that I quickly got comfortable. Our instructor broke down the basics, from stance to grip, and made sure we all had time for personal feedback. After about two months of lessons, I could confidently play nine holes with my friends and even made a few impressive shots. I didn’t expect to enjoy golf as much as I do now, and I’m already looking forward to continuing my lessons!”

Key Takeaways:

Community Support: Group best golf lessons Houston helped Sarah feel more at ease and motivated by learning alongside others.

Solid Foundation: The lessons focused on fundamentals, ensuring that she built a strong base for continued improvement.

Affordable: Group lessons offered an affordable way for Sarah to develop her skills, making them ideal for beginners.

2. Breaking Through a Plateau: Mark’s Experience with Private Instruction

Mark had been playing golf for five years and had reached a frustrating plateau. No matter how much he practiced, he couldn’t lower his handicap or improve his driving accuracy. After enrolling in private lessons at GolfTEC Houston, his game transformed in ways he never thought possible.

His Story:

“I felt like I hit a wall and wasn’t sure how to move past it. After just one session at GolfTEC, the instructor identified small issues in my swing that I never noticed. Using video analysis, they showed me exactly what I was doing wrong and provided drills to fix it. Within a few weeks, I saw noticeable improvements, especially with my driving. I shaved five strokes off my score within three months and finally broke through that plateau.”

Key Takeaways:

Advanced Technology: Video analysis and data-driven feedback helped Mark pinpoint areas of improvement.

One-on-One Attention: The personalized attention from a private instructor allowed him to focus on specific weaknesses.

Rapid Progress: With expert guidance, Mark made significant strides in a short amount of time.

3. Gaining Consistency: Emily’s Road to Competitiveness

Emily, a recreational golfer, enjoyed playing with friends but struggled with consistency. Her scores varied greatly from round to round, and she lacked the confidence to play in local tournaments. After hearing great reviews about Wildcat Golf Club, she decided to invest in best golf lessons Houston to take her game to the next level.

Her Story:

“I loved playing golf, but my game was all over the place. Some days I’d play great, and other days I felt like I forgot how to swing. My coach at Wildcat helped me break my game down piece by piece, focusing on the fundamentals. We worked a lot on my short game and putting, which were my weakest areas. Over time, I gained consistency, and my scores became more predictable. I even entered my first local tournament last year, which I never would have done without these lessons.”

Key Takeaways:

Fundamentals Focus: By revisiting the basics, Emily was able to address the inconsistencies in her game.

Short Game Mastery: Specific drills on putting and the short game helped her achieve more reliable results.

Building Confidence: With better scores and more predictable play, Emily gained the confidence to compete.

4. Junior Golfer’s Path to Success: Jason’s Rise with First Tee Houston

Jason, a 12-year-old junior golfer, started playing golf through the First Tee Greater Houston program. His parents wanted him to learn the game for fun, but they quickly realized that Jason had a natural talent. With the structured lessons and life-skills training provided by First Tee, Jason’s potential flourished, and he now competes at a regional level.

His Story:

“I started playing because my dad liked golf, but I didn’t think much of it at first. At First Tee, the coaches made it fun, and I learned a lot about staying positive and being focused. They helped me get better at all parts of the game, especially with my driver and short game. Last year, I played in a junior tournament and came in second place! Golf is something I want to keep doing and maybe even play in high school and college.”

Key Takeaways:

Early Start: First Tee provides structured lessons for juniors, focusing on both golf skills and life skills.

Positive Environment: The program fostered a positive learning atmosphere that encouraged Jason to develop his talent.

Tournament Success: With professional coaching, Jason was able to compete and place in junior tournaments.

5. A Senior Golfer’s Success Story: Dave’s Experience at Memorial Park Golf Course

Dave, a 68-year-old retiree, took up golf after years of watching his friends play. Having never picked up a club before, he enrolled in beginner golf lessons at Memorial Park Golf Course to learn the basics. Dave’s goal was simple: enjoy the game and be able to play comfortably with friends.

His Story:

“I wasn’t sure I could pick up a new sport at my age, but my instructor made it really easy to understand. We started with the basics like grip and swing, and within a few lessons, I felt confident enough to hit the course. Golf has become my new favorite hobby, and I’m even beating some of my friends now! The lessons were definitely worth it.”

Key Takeaways:

Age is Just a Number: It’s never too late to start playing golf, as Dave’s experience shows.

Basic Instruction: Even with no prior experience, Dave learned the fundamentals quickly with the help of a skilled instructor.

Fun and Confidence: Golf became a source of joy and camaraderie for Dave, allowing him to play confidently with friends.

What These Success Stories Teach Us

These success stories demonstrate that golfers of all ages and skill levels can benefit from professional golf lessons in Houston. Whether you’re looking to break through a plateau, gain consistency, or learn the game from scratch, the right instruction can unlock your potential and make golf a lifelong passion.

Common Themes:

Personalized Instruction: Tailored feedback and one-on-one attention make a huge difference in how quickly golfers improve.

Focus on Fundamentals: Regardless of skill level, revisiting the basics often leads to better performance and confidence on the course.

Technological Tools: The use of video analysis and data-driven tools can provide valuable insights into swing mechanics and overall technique.

Enjoyment and Confidence: Most importantly, the right lessons lead to more enjoyment and greater confidence, helping golfers stay engaged and motivated.

Conclusion

Finding the best golf lessons in Houston can dramatically change how you approach the game. With the city offering a wide variety of top-notch golf academies and instructors, there's no shortage of options to help you achieve your golfing goals. From overcoming plateaus to mastering the fundamentals, these success stories prove that with the right guidance, anyone can improve their game and experience the joys of golf at a higher level.

[tarot-by-e11e]

Hiii I'm here for the game ! Thanks a lot ♡

1. Initials and 5 most emojis you've recently used

My initial- h.s

5 most used emoji - 🍀🙏🏼🙌🏼✨️😭

2. 3 things about you that you're learning to love about yourself more and your actionable plans to achieve that

I want to love my body - for that I'm going to spend time with myself looking out for some good skin care routine and will plan out some good dietary plan.

I want to love my single status - for that I will reassure myself that even million people are not single the single ones got some better things to do than those , no offence lol .

I want to love my academic status - we got our potential and level at every moment if we want to go ahead then we shall be greatful to our current level because that will provide a comprehensive understanding to our further plans ahead and about ourselves too .

3. - your unexpectedly favorite song in your playlist that your closest friends never expected you to be into

I don't have Playlist to Be honest and just choose songs randomly if i want listen and also that my friends and me talk about other things than songs (at time my bestie shares up very least) so ya it is what it is but anyways my current favt - rowdy baby (south indian songs with little English mix you should try it someday)

4. "What's your most important goal that you want to achieve within the last few months of the year?"

Mostly I want to change myself completely by shifting my energy strongly .

I want to achieve my academic goals.

I want to get a good body figure.

That's all ! I had fun answering them lol 😆 also questions were insightful.

Hi HS,

Thank you so much for participating in my new ask game.

I'm really happy for you that you are taking steps to love your body, your single era and your academic status!

Remember, you are working hard and putting in the work. The results may not be obvious immediately, but every step towards progress culminates into the results of your hard work.

When it comes to studying, create systems that will help you establish a "study smarted" approach.

I'll check up the song after this~

Just put in 1% effort everyday, you'll eventually see results in a year~

These are the cards I pulled out for you: King of Swords, Page of Coins, Wheel of Fortune

The first card suggests that you'll need to establish some self-discipline when it comes to your goals and dreams. Making sure you have an established reasonable standards for yourself. To never forget that you're doing this for yourself, not for anyone else. Become accountable by keeping track of your progress is another thing you are suggested to try out. Basically, know when to master a strategy and when to evolve.

The next card suggests for you to be ambitious and diligent with your goals. Consistency is the main keyword of this card. Don't just dream big, strike hard as well. Don't be easily discouraged whenever you encounter an obstacle or fork in the road. You're called to stay true to why you wanted to achieve those goals in the first place.

The last card further emphasizes that your hard work will pay off in the end. Embrace your current season of trial and errors. The time will come when the period of mastery and success after honing your skills in this current period of learning. Keep persevering, despite whatever nonsense naysayers will say to you. Only you get to decide how to achieve your goals and live your life by your design. Even the darkest storms will pass.

This is as far as I could interpret for your reading. Thank you so much for being my participant!

Feel free to tip me in my Buy me a Coffee account (to show support) ahehe [Not required, but most grateful if you did]~ (This reading is for entertainment purposes only)

[masterflight8058]

This is an excellent conversation and one that we as a society need to engage in much more seriously. @educating-bimbos is right that taking advantage of multigenerational situations is a great step; I spent most of my day time hours (with the exception of school) before I turned 13 or so with my great grandparents. This multigenerational advantage is how I learned a lot from elders who had lived in a very different period of time. Another option that I had was being involved with a family business, I started working after school at roughly age 13 or 14, which taught me as a young man to have a strong work ethic. Even though my parents both worked I was homeschooled for high school which allowed me to focus more on honing my strengths and shoring up my educational weaknesses; but it also got me started operating in professional environments and learning skills (hard and soft) that would benefit me later. I say all this to say that, even with today’s expectations of two income households, it can be done if parents are creative; that being said I also admit that I did not have near the academic or other advantages as my peers who had a stay at home mom, I envied that a bit if I am being honest.

A significant portion of our economic problems today stem from the change to an expectation of two working adults per household. From an employer’s perspective, why should I pay a man a family wage when I know his wife works as well, and even if she doesn’t she could. From a goods perspective we’ve become such an economic society of excess, the stuff we buy and claim to “need” is ridiculous. Honestly answer this, how many streaming services are you paying for? When was the last time you got a box from Amazon and had to ask yourself, “wait what did I buy?” Followed by, “Oh yeah that’s what it is, wait why do I need this again?” Coming clean, I am just as guilty on this last part as anyone. But I am working to change that in myself, buying more domestically produced goods, and really analyzing each purchase before buying.

Tying this all together… we need to rethink our economic situation (which just to add is no where near capitalism anymore), this will empower more couples to rethink their occupational strategies. We need to reduce our reliance on government and social programs for teaching our kids (that’s some scary crap they are pushing in the name of education). I don’t care if you’re liberal or conservative, you deserve the right to train your children and instill in them the values necessary for a stronger next generation. Hint this isn’t done in short spans on a Saturday afternoon, though that is important, no this is caught by them daily watching how their parents live. Which if they hardly ever see their parents then when does that happen? It’s time to stop watching Netflix all night after dinner, and start reading as a family, or playing games, or working on hobbies. It takes intentionality and discipline and sacrifice but that’s how to grow a next “greatest generation” and then another after that and so on.

…climbs off soapbox…

can i be honest im 100% for the fact that like the tradwife stay at home mom thing is really fucked culturally but also like i think we as a society have to figure this shit out because a child needs the equivalent (if not more) of a full time job's worth of work from an adult who (for the health of the child and for the ethics of the situation honestly) needs to be able to function in a way that isn't making the adult miserable because being raised by miserable adults has really tangible negative impacts on children. whether its community childcare so that simply more adults can be involved in the situation or much more robust social aid towards young families. like this might he stupidly idealistic but i think really the root of a lot of issues in society come from the fact that people refuse to understand the gravity of like. parenthood. its an insane responsibility. i think it should be treated as such

[humansun]

.

Written Wednesday, July 12th at 8:54AM

At this point in my life, I feel content. I spend time with my family, friends, and myself to build a tiny bit towards where I want to be.

However, I can’t help but find myself uncertain. There seems to be many options of where I could go next, where my literal story goes next, and that burden of choices makes it difficult for me to be decisive.

I am beginning to feel the pressure of my society on me. The rest of the world moving forward with their jobs. Everyone keeping up with their own careers and vacations and growth. But I am worried that I am growing complacent as I am.

My part-time job definitely takes chunks of my time. I’m on my toes with this opportunity. However, I am worried that I will slowly fall behind with each day that passes.

These feelings are very valid based on the society we live in, but I want to figure out how I can be more of an asset to myself and those around me moving forward.

This time is my time to grow and I want to hone in on what that growth ends up being. That means having discipline and respecting my personal work time to build my production books and plan for the future. 

My options include going back to grad school to have formal education. It also includes being in extension classes to supplement my learning. It might also mean working alongside someone I admire and learning from them that way. 

There is a point I need to be selfish and get a headstart what I’m doing. I don’t want to fall behind and I don’t want to be comfortable. I want to work towards being comfortable and excited in my own creativity.

My doubts and worries are real. I grew up feeling restricted from practicing my own creativity at times and struggled knowing how far I was “allowed” to go, but I have come far and I will only go further.

Other Notes:

I have successfully reached 133 pounds. This calorie deficit plan is working.

Finding formulas on comedy is difficult.

My mother has departed to Texas, which means we are that closer to the surgery.

Being pretty honestly has calculations to it and it’s a lot of work to calculate all of that.

Feeling okay with me being me and being where I am is key.

Written Wednesday, July 12th, 2023 at 10:25PM

I can’t sleep for some reason. My mind is racing and I’m wondering if it’s what Julie had a couple months ago. This creative surge that comes out of nowhere where I have a million ideas all coming at once.

Fortunately, my efforts into reaching out to people have been fruitful. It’s scary to do new things, but I think it feeds my soul into moving forward.

I’m tired, but I’m also energized and at this moment, I really wish I could sleep. 

Written Thursday, July 13th at 12:07AM

Being productive. Yay!

[glossytalks]

Flora Scott on co-founding Five Fold, collaboration, community, and necessity of exposure

What is five fold?

Flora: five fold is an open-ended collaborative project with the desire to provide space for young creatives to create, exhibit, celebrate and discuss their work in spaces curated for each of these components.

Why was it created?

Flora: five fold was created as a means for Ethan and I to not only collaborate with one another but also with other fellow creatives in our London community. Our first urge was to find and hold space for other young creatives to have their work exhibited, which proves difficult in London especially at the moment. Beyond that, we want it to be exploratory in its nature - allowing Ethan and I to become part of this act of creating alongside the people we collaborate with.

What ideas drove the first exhibition narrative?

Flora: Five Fold 01: Community stemmed from a desire to introduce five fold as what it is; for our community. To be transparent, we also had a super quick turnaround time, meaning we needed to hone in on a theme that could speak for itself whilst also being open enough to interpretation so that our contributors could respond meaningfully with their work in a way that felt true to them. Although each of the works were very different in their form, we were still able to create a sense of collaborative unison within the space through the conversations and considerations we had through our curation process with the artists and one another.

Is there any urgency in creating this platform and community? particularly for young creative people in London?

Flora: Definitely, as a young creative myself I've observed how limited the access is to exhibition\gallery spaces, a lot of the time, even if you're submitting your work online for consideration there's a fee you're expected to pay which means on top of the energy and care you've put into your work, your expected to pay for certain institutions to even consider acknowledging you. I think Ethan and I see eye to eye completely on the kind of space we want to create, which is free of certain traditional limitations like these for a young artist. Especially when you're just starting out - having your work seen and becoming more comfortable with that is a practice which is so helpful to get into the habit of early on.

Both five fold’s team and the artists you work with, demonstrates a variation of discipline, knowledge and skill. What do you see most valuable in crossing disciplines while collaborating?

Flora: I think on a more microscopic level, between Ethan and I, our cross disciplines really strengthen our ability to collaborate openly and honestly with one another. Ethan coming from a much more academic background but always having had creative leanings and myself coming from a multi avenued creative background means we are able to bring different perspectives to the table for five fold. I think one of the most valuable aspects of our creative partnership is that we are able to articulate ideas to one another freely whilst also feeling comfortable enough to always question why. What's the intent behind that? How would that work? How do you feel about this? I think this is what gives us the groundwork we need in order to work with all manner of creative disciplines and people; this sense of openness and clear intent with our approach of working with eachother first.

Do you see DIY artist led spaces as important or perhaps necessary for early career development?  

Flora: 100%, without a doubt. I think especially artist-led spaces/DIY spaces have this sense of care and understanding of the practitioner exhibiting that more traditional gallery spaces obviously handle in a more business-like approach. I think it's important to understand how many gallery spaces can often feel as though they function as a blank walled auction house, with sales being a driving force. When the likes of our parents' generation were growing up or finding their own career paths there was a greater value and beyond that, an availability to these DIY spaces. Now, especially with the state of living we are experiencing in London, these spaces have become a rarity. Having you and your work really seen is by far one of the most important aspects to early career artists and this definitely is a major impetus to five fold.

Any next steps you want to share?

Flora: Yes! Ethan is currently working on a short film script which we plan for me to direct. We are also currently planning five fold 02 which we have the aims to open up at some point this coming May.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Discordant Rhapsody - ao3 - Chapter 13

“I’m just happy we made it in time,” Nie Mingjue said, having stopped by Lan Qiren’s rooms to take some tea with him privately before he returned to his own sect. He looked tired underneath his seemingly boundless energy, faint circles under his eyes that his cultivation was already erasing. “Convincing Jin Guangshan to give in and denounce his own guards, even in the face of contrary evidence, was…difficult.”

“I can’t even imagine how you managed it,” Lan Qiren said, drinking another swallow of the bitter concoction Wen Qing had created for him to drink, which the Lan sect doctors had very strongly endorsed. He was all in favor of her abandoning her solitude and finally making common ground with her colleagues, but was it necessary for that to happen over them ganging up against him? “Any of it. Convincing Jin Guangshan is one thing, he’s always been one willing to cut off his own tail to protect himself, but finding the evidence necessary to do so, and then gathering it up in time to prevent the imposition of discipline…Xichen told you about the precise timing, I assume?”

“Don’t be ridiculous; he would never violate your privacy like that. It was Wei Wuxian.”

Of course it was, Lan Qiren thought, finding to his mild bemusement that the tenor of the thought was amused, resigned and fond rather than annoyed.

“Mm,” he said out loud. “And as for how Wei Wuxian managed to get you a message in time – say, by using the post reserved for the sect leader –”

“I’m very sure Xichen has no idea,” Nie Mingjue said, very virtuously. “He would never look the other way while someone absconded with his post.”

Lan Qiren rolled his eyes.

He would need to remind his nephew that propriety stated that a sect leader did not skulk around doing things underhandedly, but he wouldn’t put too much effort into the scolding; it was good for Lan Xichen to have finally gotten some of the harsh truths about politics into his head. He had already seen the fruits of it, with Lan Xichen being very firm in arranging matters around Lan Qiren’s recuperation regardless of any resistance.

Not that there was much, of course. Lan Qiren’s enemies in the sect had seemingly realized the extent of how their pig-headedness had blown up in their faces – putting aside Lan Xichen, who was now far less inclined to be swayed by their advice than he had ever been before, there was also the majority of the sect’s younger generation that had very publicly thrown in their support to Lan Qiren, which was enough to sway those who were generally on the fence into supporting his approach over theirs. The other Lan elders would be licking their wounds for quite some time after this loss of face…

“I’m still surprised you found evidence of misconduct,” he remarked. “It’s highly implausible that a few low-level guards could have acted without their sect leader’s permission, but for it to be in writing…”

“Yes, it was lucky that I’d already started looking into things when I first heard the rumors about your new disciple,” Nie Mingjue said, then added, “Huaisang helped.”

Lan Qiren nearly choked on his medicine: as Nie Huaisang’s teacher, he was well aware of Nie Huaisang’s talents, or lack thereof. Nie Huaisang was clever, but his primary interest was in avoiding work, not doing it. There was only one thing that Nie Huaisang was good at, beyond wasting money, and that was making forgeries, having honed mimicking his brother’s signature into an art long ago.

Nie Mingjue couldn’t possibly mean…!

He did.

Nie Mingjue grinned at him, utterly shameless. “I told you I’d support you,” he said cheerfully. “Did you doubt me?”

“Only your good sense,” Lan Qiren scolded. “Aren’t you supposed to be righteous?”

“I’m preventing an injustice. That’s righteous, isn’t it?”

Sometimes Lan Qiren could see the relation between Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang – and their scoundrel of a father – more clearly than others.

“We don’t have a rule against lying,” Nie Mingjue teased, looking far too cheerful. “Anyway, we were only able to blackmail Jin Guangshan into agreeing to letting the whole thing blow over because there must have been evidence of something else going on – it’s not like Huaisang did anything more than mimic the old bastard’s handwriting on a few scraps of burned paper. He must have been afraid of what else we might have found out…besides, lying or no lying, it’s only righteous to keep your promises, and I promised you.”

“That’s its own problem,” Lan Qiren huffed, though he was having trouble concealing his amusement. That sounded remarkably like a pit that Jin Guangshan had dug for himself. “You shouldn’t be making that sort of commitment blindly.”

“Aren’t you my teacher, too?” Nie Mingjue chuckled. “Or is your students’ devotion something you think limited to the Lan sect?”

Lan Qiren couldn’t say anything about that, given the display Nie Mingjue had happened upon. He felt his ears go hot. “Then why – I mean, Sect Leader Jiang –”

“Also one of your students, and with his own interests in it, given Wei Wuxian. Besides, do you think he wouldn’t do such a thing for you after you did him such a favor?”

Nie Mingjue had a point. Jiang Cheng was a good child.

Though he had been very angry…

“Was Wei Wuxian the one that got him involved as well?” Lan Qiren asked, and was pleased when Nie Mingjue nodded. “Good.”

“Very good, given that we couldn’t have pulled it off without him,” Nie Mingjue said dryly. “I’m pleased to report that your good disciple has a black eye but that both victim and aggressor have gotten over whatever it was that was lingering between them and are currently competing to see who can drink the most Emperor’s Smile without getting pickled.”

Of course they were.

“And while we’re on the subject, you really did a good thing when you took Wei Wuxian as your disciple.”

“Oh?” Lan Qiren stroked his beard. “Because of his scheming to preserve my life?”

“That’s all well and good, but actually it’s because I’ve never in my life seen Jin Guangshan caught so flatfooted.”

Lan Qiren tried valiantly to keep a smile off his face, though he suspected he wasn’t wholly successful.

“In fact, I genuinely think that’s the real reason we were able to get him to agree to condemn the actions of his sect – or at least of some guards whose deaths he could write off,” Nie Mingjue said, making a face of displeasure at his fellow sect leader’s callousness. “Your acceptance of Wei Wuxian as a personal disciple unnerved him, and then the Lan sect announcing such a disproportionate punishment unnerved him even further…he thought you were all up to something. No, more than that – that you knew something, and that it was all a dodge to get you out of the public view in order to allow you investigate it, and that us finding the ‘letters’ were us warning him off.”

Lan Qiren stared.

Nie Mingjue was, he knew, possessed of a sense of humor, sometimes an unnecessarily deadpan and even morbid one, but despite Lan Qiren’s initial hopes, it did not appear to be in evidence at the moment – Nie Mingjue was being completely serious.

“That man’s paranoia knows no boundaries,” Lan Qiren finally said, reluctantly accepting that it was the truth, regardless of how ridiculous it seemed. All of that, a façade meant just for the purpose of deceiving Jin Guangshan..? How talented in lies did he think they were? And worse, what did it suggest about Jin Guangshan’s own actions, present, past, or future, that he thought such a thing was the most reasonable conclusion…? “And here I thought Sect Leader Wen was bad…”

Nie Mingjue snorted.

“You realize, of course, that this means he is up to something that he fears will be uncovered by investigation,” Lan Qiren said, because he knew Jin Guangshan too well after all these years.

Nie Mingjue sighed. He knew him, too.

“You only think you’re being extorted when you have something worth extorting,” he agreed, then looked down at his hands, playing a little with his teacup. “I’m concerned that Meng Yao has gotten involved in it, whatever it was. His reaction in terms of agreeing to help us was – a little slower than righteousness or fellow-feeling might have preferred. I think Xichen was a little disappointed in him.”

“Meng Yao…Jin Guangyao? Your sworn brother?” Lan Qiren hadn’t had much interaction with him so far. There hadn’t really been time… “He came in the end, didn’t he? As a representative of his sect?”

That had been extraordinarily useful, in fact. Right or wrong, by the rules of the cultivation world, even Lan Qiren’s bitterest opponents couldn’t exactly continue to push for a punishment when the aggrieved victim was disclaiming any injury.

“Yes, he did, but it took some convincing.”

“That’s reasonable, though, isn’t it? Jin Guangshan is his father, which makes it difficult for him to contravene him, and add to that the fact that he’s only just recently been recognized… It would make sense that he might want to be cautious about moving forward in acting on his sect’s behalf.”

“Not that. We sought his assistance in convincing his father in the first instance, putting forth our reasons, and his initial inclination was to try to stall us, even though he knew the reason for our urgency.” Nie Mingjue shrugged. “He did eventually agree to help, and I don’t doubt that his genuine affection for Xichen played a large part in it. We wouldn’t have settled things nearly as quickly or satisfactorily without him knowing just how to best push his father.”

“But..?”

Nie Mingjue sighed. “I just wish I knew if it was because he genuinely changed his mind or because he realized that it was going to happen whether he liked it or not, and wanted to get on board as early as he could. After all, there’s not much that can’t be done if you can get enough of the Great Sects behind you, and we had them, whether Lanling Jin wanted to help or not. And who wouldn’t want to be on the winning side..?”

“You distrust him,” Lan Qiren observed. “If that’s the case, why would you swear brotherhood with him?”

“Because I have faith that he could be better. If he wanted to be…”

A classic Nie Mingjue problem, really; he always wanted other people to live up to his expectations for them. Lan Qiren would have to charge Lan Xichen with keeping a close eye on that situation, in the event that Nie Mingjue’s too-freely-given trust was betrayed – the Nie sect didn’t have rules about careful screening or imparting knowledge to the wrong individuals, but they should. Lan Xichen was partial to his sworn brothers, of course, but a timely reminder that trust should follow verification was probably in order. With the recent example ahead of him, Lan Xichen might even be inclined to listen.

“Admirable,” Lan Qiren said, because it was. “But still, you can’t solve everyone’s problems, you know.”

Nie Mingjue arched his eyebrows at him. “Really, Teacher Lan? Are you saying that one shouldn’t run around putting oneself on the line to fix other people’s issues?”

Lan Qiren gave him a stern look. “The sarcasm is unnecessary. I’m aware of the foolishness of my actions.”

Nie Mingjue shrugged. “It all worked out in the end,” he said pragmatically, then, eyes curving into a smile, added, “Except now you’re stuck with a personal disciple that’s a bit of a handful.”

“I’d already resigned myself to that. I think we’ll get along quite well, actually – he’s matured a little since his youth, unavoidable in a time of war, and we share an interest in music.”

“Mm. Think you can control him?”

“Most certainly not.”

Nie Mingjue laughed.

“That being said, I have some further insight into his behavior,” Lan Qiren said, thinking of the fight Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian had had, the rumors of how the Jiang sect leader had isolated himself after, the little hints that had come out here and there over the past month about Wei Wuxian’s debt to Wen Qing in particular and his refusal to use orthodox cultivation even in miniscule, irrelevant ways…it was fairly obvious what must have happened, once one thought about it. The execution of the Core-Melting Hand had been especially vicious. “And his demonic cultivation, while abhorrent in implementation, is at least being used for beneficent purposes, to pursue justice. Or it certainly will be in the future, anyway…I think we’ll manage, one way or the other.”

“I’ve never had the slightest doubt. Teacher Lan can turn even the worst trash into a gentleman.”

Lan Qiren wished he could find whoever it was that had first described him that way, primarily so that he might be able to wring their throat.

“I also see that Wei Wuxian seems to have improved his relationship with Wangji.”

“…mm, indeed,” Lan Qiren said. “You were right about that. They didn’t dislike each other as much as all that.”

“Glad to hear it. Though if I were to ask exactly how much they – ah – don’t dislike each other at the moment…”

“Talking behind the backs of others is forbidden,” Lan Qiren said austerely. “I’m not above violating that rule, Sect Leader Nie, but I’m not going to do it in order for you to win a bet with your little brother.”

“But it’s in a good cause,” Nie Mingjue protested, eyes curving with laughter again. “Huaisang promised me a whole season of saber training!”

“Good saber training? And did he specify which season? Or for that matter, which year or century?”

Nie Mingjue opened his mouth, then paused, looking abruptly annoyed.

Lan Qiren felt the desire to laugh starting to bubble up from his chest and suppressed it firmly.

“Huaisang is an exceedingly clever young man,” he said instead. “And most of all in how well he convinces people to underestimate him.”

“And don’t I know it,” Nie Mingjue sighed, then shook his head, standing up once more. Unexpectedly, he put his hand on Lan Qiren’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re all right, Teacher Lan. I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

Lan Qiren was appalled by such a ridiculously blunt statement – to someone from another sect, no less! – but Nie Mingjue strode away before he could start lecturing him. Or worse, thanking him.

“Hey, shifu! Shifu!”

Lan Qiren suppressed a sigh. He’d done this to himself.

Wei Wuxian skid to a stop in front of him. He looked better than he had in the past – no red in his eyes, only minimal resentment floating around him like a haze…he did in fact have a bruise on his face, though not quite the black eye Nie Mingjue had made it out to be, and he did stink of wine, rules against consuming alcohol or no. He was less gaunt than he had been in the past, though, which seemed to help mitigate the rest. Apparently, despite all the complaints about the Lan sect’s food that Lan Qiren had been subjected to on their way to the Cloud Recesses, Wei Wuxian didn’t disdain it as much as that.

Well, that, or else Lan Wangji had been sneaking down the mountain to buy his beloved snacks. As courting methods went, it wasn’t a bad one, especially if he ever managed to obtain chili sauce.

Hm, perhaps Lan Qiren could drop his nephew a hint at their next meeting. There were some spice merchants that came by every once in a while, surely one of their merchant contacts in town would still have something left over that they could buy.

“What is it?” Lan Qiren asked, and Wei Wuxian grinned at him.

“You answered,” he crowed. “You’re really stuck with me now!”

Lan Qiren stared at him. “Wei Wuxian. How drunk are you? I was under the impression that you prided yourself on your tolerance –”

“I’m not that drunk, don’t be ridiculous. What would I even be drunk on? Your sect’s idea of a party involves tea and peach-blossom water.”

Lan Qiren gave him a stern look. “Sect Leader Nie has already told me about your little contest with Sect Leader Jiang.”

“Oh good, that spares me the effort of evading the subject,” Wei Wuxian said, utterly shameless. “Anyway, don’t distract me. I wanted to thank you.”

“There’s no need for thanks between master and disciple.”

Wei Wuxian waved a hand dismissively. “Yes, yes, whatever,” he said. “Jiang Cheng said the same thing.”

Lan Qiren nodded, then, trying not to be too blunt, said, “I understand you were the one who reached out to him to ask for assistance…?”

“I wasn’t going to let you get in trouble on my behalf if I could help it,” Wei Wuxian said, fierce for a moment before relaxing back into his usually spirited cheer. “It’s a fault of mine, I’ve discovered, though one I’m pleased to share with my shifu. It’s because of you that we managed to make up, you know.”

“Because of me?” Lan Qiren asked, surprised. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You exerted yourself to save me, even though it caused you great trouble, and you refused to share that trouble with me,” Wei Wuxian said. “And let me tell you: it was awful. I hated it.”

Lan Qiren rolled his eyes.

Wei Wuxian smirked at him, but then grew a little more serious. “I did the same thing to Jiang Cheng. I did it because he means the world to me – he’s my shidi and my friend, and he deserves everything. I wanted to give him everything, do anything for him. I thought I was helping him by not sharing my burdens with him. By taking it all on myself, by being selfless, by giving away pieces of myself without counting the cost, without even letting him help.”

That sounded…familiar, yes.

“Well, that was utterly asinine of me,” Wei Wuxian proclaimed, and grinned when Lan Qiren glared at him. “You’ve figured out what it was, haven’t you?”

“I have my suspicions,” Lan Qiren allowed. “If you ever wish to confirm them, you may do so at your leisure.”

Wei Wuxian snickered.

“You know he does the same for you, correct?” Lan Qiren asked, curious. “Make stupid decisions, that is. If Jiang Wanyin did not care for you as much as he did, he would – and should – have wrapped you up in Zidian and dragged you back to the Lotus Pier from the Burial Mounds whether you would or wouldn’t.”

“I’d like to see him try!”

Lan Qiren merely arched his eyebrows pointedly.

“…all right, yes, I know,” Wei Wuxian said, wrinkling his nose. “That’s the problem, though. If I’m giving up things for him and he’s giving up things for me, then what’s the point? We both end up losers. I don’t want to end up doing things that actually hurt the person I want to help just to appease my own pride.”

“That way is a dead end,” Lan Qiren agreed, thinking of his brother’s terrible selfish love – the type of love that Lan Wangji had not followed, would not follow. Would never follow, especially if both he and Wei Wuxian managed to learn now what Lan Qiren’s brother never had. “Love is no excuse, even if it is an explanation. I admit my own faults as well…I am pleased Jiang Wanyin is no longer angry with you.”

“Oh, no, he’s furious, and he’s going to take it out on me for months to come,” Wei Wuxian said. He seemed quite proud, in a manner that suggested that he thought that being the target of Jiang Cheng’s continued rage was the finest gift he could possibly imagine receiving. Presumably he had deluded himself into thinking that Jiang Cheng would have chosen to turn away from him and become indifferent, instead.

Ridiculous disciple.

“I’m glad my shifu admits his faults,” Wei Wuxian said, interrupting Lan Qiren’s thoughts – he had an expression on his face as if he were being clever about something. “Naturally, as a my teacher, he will have to model better behavior in the future in terms of valuing things that other people care about.”

“Are you trying to scold me for not cherishing my health?” Lan Qiren asked, his eyes narrowing. The master scolded the disciple, not the other way around.  

“What, me? I wouldn’t dream of it!”

What a rotten little liar Lan Qiren had taken on as a disciple.

“Anyway, that’s not what I came here to say,” Wei Wuxian said hastily, seeing Lan Qiren starting to reach for something to throw. “I talked with Jiang Cheng a bit, and he said that while he still wants my help in the Lotus Pier from time to time, he thinks it’s best if I stay here for now, focusing on learning and contemplation and meditation and all that stuff, so as to improve my reputation by association with the tranquil and orthodox Gusu Lan.”

Jiang Cheng, Lan Qiren surmised, had not yet heard about the alchemists’ group Wei Wuxian had been invited to join. That was probably for the best.

“And I just wanted to thank you.”

“I already said –”

“I know, I know. But still – thanks for bringing me back here!”

With that, he left as well, leaving Lan Qiren behind him, blinking owlishly.

I want to bring someone back to the Cloud Recesses, Lan Wangji had said. But they are unwilling.

Not so unwilling anymore.

Lan Qiren smiled faintly.

“Shufu?”

Lan Qiren turned – his nephews were both there. They looked anxious, as if they thought he would scold them for having schemed to get his punishment lifted: Lan Wangji by rallying the sect to protest, causing the elders to grow concerned over the reception of their decision and drawing their attention, such that they wouldn’t notice Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen’s efforts to find a way to overturn it.

And neither would Lan Qiren, whose devotion to his sect and his rules would have compelled him to ask them to desist.

His devotion to his sect, to his rules, which was greater than everything – everything other than his love for his nephews.

Lan Qiren probably would scold them, later. For…something.

Eventually.

“This medicine is very bitter, but in the end it is good for me,” he said mildly, and saw both his nephews start to brighten. “Mistress Wen and the other doctors have said that it can be drunk alongside tea. Perhaps it would be suitable to wash it away with a better flavor. Would you two like to select one for me?”

Lan Xichen beamed so widely that it seemed painful, and even the reticent Lan Wangji smiled.

“Yes, shufu!”

-END-