#i could go on about all the songs on this playlist

[nexusrasp]

It's the apathy that absolutely does me in. Artists, bands, music industry people, shitposters on Instagram - everyone's been banging on about what a total shitshow Spotify is, has been and continues to be for a while now, and it's largely just been met with an almighty shrugging of shoulders, and carrying on, because 'well yeah, but I've got my playlists on there, and I like my Spotify wrapped!', despite the arms tech investments, despite the meagre royalties, despite the sacking of their editorial team, despite the [demonetizing any song lower than] 1,000 plays thing, despite the creaking tech that's full of bugs, despite the adding audiobooks so they could argue for an even *lower* royalty rate, despite the general cheapening and disconnection of music, despite the explosion of shitty AI slop, despite one man masquerading as many different artists being responsible for a huge royalty payout by juicing the system, despite the literal owner of the platform claiming that 'content' doesn't take any money to make these days, despite everything, despite all of that. But people just think it's a bit of fun. And you can scream it from the rooftops, but it's hard to snap people out of it. I mean, I'd understand if spotify was the only game in town, but it's clearly not - you've endless supplies of streamers if that's what you want. Hell, you could even just go back to buying things too, but if you want to keep streaming, you've so many other options - Tidal, Deezer, Apple, Bandcamp, Amazon, even fucking YouTube - it's not hard to just switch up. It's the weakest amount of pressure that's ever been applied to anyone's life, but people still seem so resistant, so hesitant to ditch it.

Gavin Miller, aka electronic musician worriedaboutsatan, "what were the skies like when you were young?", december 2024

[soft-beams]

you and me (let's make something great)

author's note: so i had an idea, and originally, it was gonna be a ficlet mainly focused on debauchery. BUT THEN my brain decided to turn it into something longer with plot, so here we are. it's very soft in the first bit but don't be fooled, it gets filthy as it progresses. please enjoy!

cw: gp!vi, afab!reader, pregnancy talk, breeding kink, dirty talk, nsfw 🔞 (primarily in the second part)

wc: 3.3k

dividers: @/cafekitsune

part i: let's talk about it

There’s always been talk of starting a family.

Kids with the white picket fence and a garden large enough for them to run around. Maybe a dog or two and a cat because you’ve always spoken about how much you want one. It’d be everything that’s so simple and expected of a family, something so ordinary that it’s almost laughable. But you and Vi never had the opportunity to experience what the ordinary family is.

She grew up an orphan with only her sister by her side, only able to survive due to Vander’s kindness.

You had your own set of problems; a family that didn’t listen or could listen but choose not to.

So to have a family where you can give your children the life you weren’t able to have, that means the whole world and more.

Vi toys around with the idea of asking you again, about the possibility of starting your family as soon as possible. You’ve been together for ten years and married for two, and life has never been as perfect as this.

You’re both doing well at work, bills are being paid on time and there’s even some savings in your joint account. Even savings to potentially look into starting something if that is what you want.

You’re swaying around the kitchen, speakers blasting your playlist as you cook up dinner for tonight. You’ve settled on a simple pasta dish, warm and spicy with delicious herbs. The sauce is bubbling away on the stove and your hips follow the stir of your wooden spoon. You bring the spoon up to your lips, blow gently before having a taste. A hum leaves your lips as your eyes flutter shut, pleased with what you’re creating.

Vi’s enchanted by you and one might call her silly, to be captivated by you merely making dinner. But it’s the mere act of it, the domesticity of it all and how you show your love through everything you do. Even if it’s cooking a dish that you’ve both eaten a hundred times before.

That’s what being in love is and Vi is greedy to share that with someone who’s both her and you.

“Taste this for me?” You ask, facing where she’s sat at the kitchen island. Vi’s quick to hop off her stool and make her way towards you. Her arms encircle you the moment she gets close and your smile brightens at the touch. You lift the spoon up to her lips and even though she knows it’s delicious, Vi goes in for a taste. She mimics your pleased hum from before, swaying you to the slow beat of the song that now plays.

“Babe, you crush it every time,” Vi reveres, causing you to roll your eyes fondly. “How do you do it? Were you a famous chef in your past life or what?”

“It’s pasta sauce,” you respond, voice deadpan but expression vibrant. “The same pasta sauce we’ve been making for five years and can make with our eyes closed.” You turn around in her arms so you can attend to the sauce, Vi taking this opportunity to latch onto your back. She nuzzles into the curve of your neck, pressing a kiss into the sensitive spot there just so she can feel you shiver. “It’s hardly Michelin star worthy.” You pause. “Wait, can dishes be given Michelin stars?”

“Fuck if I know,” Vi murmurs, hooking her chin over your shoulder and settling in. From here, she can see a pot full of water boiling for pasta and the sauce thickening nicely in its pan. “So I want to talk to you about something.”

“We can’t go to the water park next week,” you say, amused. “We’ve had this discussion like six times and as much as I would like to go and hit the wave pool, there’s no—”

The laughter that bursts out of Vi’s mouth is enough to hurt her chest. But it doesn’t stop her from cackling, burying her head into your shoulder in an attempt to muffle how loud she is. She can feel the shaking of your body and hear your lovely laughter as you join her, fully leaning into her chest for support.

“No, you idiot,” Vi manages to say through her chuckles. “Oh fuck you, this was supposed to be a serious thing.”

“Why do you think I said what I said?” You retort playfully and Vi falls even more in love with you, as if that’s even possible. “But tell me what’s on your mind, baby. What’s going on?”

Vi takes a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second to gather herself. When she opens them, you’re turning off the burner for the sauce and reaching for the fettuccine to the side. Just as you’re pouring the pasta into the bubbling water, Vi’s thoughts spill out.

“I want to have a family with you.”

You go still for a moment, your arms poised above the boiling water with the empty pasta box in your hands. Vi’s unable to see your face but she isn’t necessarily worried about your reaction. It’s a conversation that you’ve had multiple times over the span of your relationship, but today is where you start taking steps towards putting it in action.

“Well, yes,” you start, placing the pasta box back on the counter. Then you’re turning in her arms so you’re facing each other again, your eyes peering into hers. “We’ve spoken countless times about this.” You smooth your hands over the rounds of her shoulders, your face soft. “I’m still very much onboard with this because I want to have a family with you too. But I’m guessing you want to talk about a timeline.”

Vi nods, momentarily speechless because you always just get her, even without her having to say anything. She pulls you away from the stove to sit you on one of the kitchen island’s stools. She notes how you eye the pasta and makes a mental note to attend to the pot after five minutes.

“We always did say that we’d really start considering it once we’ve gotten our lives sorted,” Vi says, standing between your thighs. “And I’d say that our lives are pretty solid. We’re no longer in debt and we’ve got a decent amount saved away.” Her fingers play with your hair, causing you to lean into her touch. “So I thought that now would be a good time to try.” Vi then shakes her head. “Obviously, it’s your choice because it’s your body and I’d never want to pressure you into doing anything because of me and—”

Vi doesn’t notice she’s rambling until you’re pressing your finger against her lips, fond amusement colouring your features.

“I married a good woman,” you say, so tender that Vi feels her heart swell so much that it hurts. It presses against her ribs, pushes up on her lungs making her breathless. It makes her cling to you, hiding her head into the curve of your shoulder. Your hands come around to run soothingly down her back and she melts. “I know it's my choice, baby. You've never made me feel like it wasn't.”

Despite Vi knowing that, the relief that hits her is cool and instant. It's always nice to hear that she isn't pressuring you; that she's allowing you to make your own choices regardless of what she wants.

“I've always wanted to have children with you,” you continue, still running soothing patterns down her back. “That's something that has never changed and probably never will.” You then lean back and Vi's graced with the excitement in your beautiful eyes. “I imagine a little kid who's a mixture of me and you. Maybe my hair and your eyes or vice versa.”

“I hope they get your personality,” Vi says softly. “That they get your kindness and empathy. Your patience and wisdom.”

You laugh quietly, closing your eyes to hide from the blinding of Vi's earnest gaze. You're embarrassed, she can tell, and that makes this moment all the sweeter.

“Well, I hope they get your strength and conviction,” you reply, tilting your head up so the tip of your nose catches the softness of Vi's cheek. “That they get your loyalty and ambition. Your sympathy and empathy.”

Vi's cheeks burn at the compliments you dress her in. Compliments that you would call truths because that's how you see her. Even under all the mess and mistakes, you see the diamonds that rest beneath the dirt.

She'll never understand why someone as special as you forever wants to be with her.

“So…what are you thinking?” Vi asks, eager to see where your head’s at. She watches as you purse your lips with a hum, eyes rolling upwards to stare at the ceiling in thought. Then you’re looking back at her with a smile and that’s how Vi finds her answer.

“Really?” Vi has to double check, to be sure that you’re both on the same page; that this is what you want to do from this moment.

“I’ve been wanting to suggest it for a while but—Violet!” You exclaim out of surprise, laughter startled from you when Vi pulls you in for a tight hug. But your arms are wrapping around her instantly, holding on with a solid grip.

“Thank you,” Vi whispers into your neck, planting a delicate kiss over your pulse. “Thank you so much.”

“No need to thank me,” you say quietly, returning the kiss to the curve of her ear. “I want this too.”

Vi nods and gives you a firm squeeze before pulling away, but not too far so she can still keep you in her arms. She’s so overwhelmed; there’s so much she wants to say but all of it is tied at the back of her throat. The words aren’t coherent but they have meaning and Vi will try all she can to convey how precious that meaning is.

“Okay so,” you begin after you both sit in relaxed silence for a while. “I love you so much and you’re my everything but if that pasta’s mushy, I’ll never forgive you.”

“You lie,” Vi replies, nuzzling at your cheek. “You love me too much to hate me.”

“But I love pasta more,” you tease, your soft laughs muted by the gentle press of Vi’s lips against yours.

The pasta has gone soft but you don’t seem to mind, all too distracted by Vi's sweet kisses.

“So you’re officially trying for kids now?”” Jinx says one afternoon in the small cafe they often frequent. It's raining outside and there's a chill in the air that seeps into your bones and makes you want to stay in bed. That's where Vi wishes she was now, all curled up underneath the sheets with you.

“Yeah, we had a proper talk about it a few days ago,” Vi says. “Not that all the other talks weren't proper but our plans didn't have a start date.” She swirls the remaining dregs of coffee in her mug. “Now we're both ready and soon there's gonna be a kid in the picture.”

Jinx hums, taking a sip of whatever iced concoction she's gotten today. “I mean, it's a big thing,” she says around her straw. “Bringing a small human into the world. Plus babies are kinda gross with their uncontrollable bowel movements.” Her nose scrunches up. “Not to mention the crying and screaming and inability to talk for the first two years.”

Vi shrugs. “Yeah, but I don't give a shit about any of that.”

“Well, duh. Because you're with someone who's gonna make it worthwhile,” Jinx replies matter-of-factly. “It's kind of like being in love with the person of your dreams makes you more tolerable to things. Shocker.”

“You're already falling into your Cynical Aunt role.” Vi says, deadpan but smiles when Jinx chuckles.

“Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna love the shit out of that little goober,” Jinx says strongly. “Gonna be the best auntie in the world. Much better than Caitlyn or Mel, that's for sure.”

Vi makes a doubtful expression, an eyebrow raised, and raises her hands to placate when Jinx aims her butter knife at her.

“No, you'll be great,” Vi tells her and despite their jokes, she means it. She sees how Jinx is with kids; how she may not seem interested at first but then slowly opens up. Not to say that she connects with every child but when Jinx cares, she cares with her entire heart. So Vi knows that her children will be loved.

Jinx eyes her and takes another sip of her drink before saying, “There's something on your mind.”

Vi huffs. “How can you tell?”

“I'm your sister, we grew up together,” Jinx lists off. “I mean, ignore the fact that we didn't talk for seven years but I know you.” She finishes off her glass and pushes it to the side. “What's going on?”

“Do you really wanna know?”

“Surprisingly, yes.”

Vi chuckles, running a hand through her hair, before leaning back in her seat.

“I just…worry that I may not be a good parent.” She confesses after a moment.

“Why?” Jinx asks straight away, not giving Vi the time to wallow too deeply.

“Because…I mean, look what happened with us,” Vi says, gesturing between them. “I left you alone for seven years over a misunderstanding that took ages to fix. I was supposed to be there for you when our parents died. When Vander died and I…” Vi stops for a second, a heavy knot in her throat. “...I wasn't there and I'm just scared that I'm gonna fuck all of this up.”

Jinx stares at her for a bit, her expression unreadable, before she gives a big eye roll.

“You're so stupid,” she says loudly.

“Gee thanks.” Vi replies.

“You're so stupid because I don't think you realise how good of a big sister you were,” Jinx continues. “How good of a big sister you are. Life sucked for us for a long time, Vi. Especially after our parents and Vander died. Then the hits kept on coming and we had no say in how we survived for a long time. Yes, we got separated and yes, it made me so fucking mad at you, but you came back for me.” She takes a deep breath. “If we could redo the past, we would. But we can't. But things have been fixed and you've shown me time and time how capable you are.” She then laughs. “I mean, you've been in a committed relationship for twelve years, Vi. Most people don't last up to the five month mark.”

Vi tries to ignore the sting behind her eyes, the tears that slowly blur her vision.

“Plus you guys are totally in love,” Jinx says, a slight smile curving her lips. “It's absolutely nauseating but it's also kinda beautiful. You'll make a really good parent, Vi. You got the best of mom and our dads. And your partner kicks ass and is one of the best people I've ever met so…” Jinx shrugs. “Your children are gonna be so lucky to have you two as parents.”

There’s then a lull that falls between them and Vi's trying so hard not to cry. So she swallows back the knot in her throat, chasing it away with her last bit of coffee.

“Saying all of that must have driven you nuts,” Vi jokes weakly, reaching out to give Jinx's hand a grateful squeeze.

“Yeah, I feel gross and need to take a shower,” Jinx jokes in return, weak too and she squeezes Vi's hand just as tight. “Consider that your birthday and Christmas gift.”

Vi laughs loudly, eyes crinkling and mouth wide with the joy she feels.

“Fair enough.” She concedes, knowing damn well Jinx will surprise her with a homemade gift regardless.

“...So, gonna go home and blast your baby batter into—?”

“Jinx.”

A week or two pass after those conversations are held. Life maintains its norm, leaving you and Vi to continue your existence in its blissful way. It's comforting as it is confusing, because Vi knows that everything’s on the table now. Left wide open for the both of you to bask at.

Vi waits for your move, watches you with a keen eye as you drift throughout the days. She cooks the both of you dinner every other night, picks you up from work every day without fail and holds you close at night so you fall asleep. She does what she knows to do, does it because it has that essence of normalcy.

But that doesn't stop the urges from arising. It doesn't halt the need that bubbles in her stomach every time she sees you. It's overpowering, overwhelmingly so, and Vi fails to understand it until one late evening.

You're curled up beneath Vi’s arm as a movie plays on the television. It's a standard comedy, nothing utterly hilarious but enough to pull a few chuckles from both of you. Vi has hit optimal relaxation, all loose and soft due to you being so close. She can smell the scent of your body wash, drops her face into your hair so she can inhale what lies there. Your shampoo and something so uniquely you.

Her focus has since shifted from the movie, all of it on you as she notes how you’re barely paying attention to the screen. You’ve got this faraway look in your eyes, seemingly lost in thought and Vi wonders what's going through that pretty head of yours.

Then you do something unexpected; you shift a hand towards your stomach and…gently rub at it. The arc of your hand graceful as you follow the slope of your covered flesh. It looks soothing, similar to how you rub Vi's muscles on the days the flare-up of old injuries is too much. But it's also different and Vi's quick to notice it; she sees how your hand comes to lay at your lower stomach and—

Oh.

Vi's suddenly feeling a bit flustered.

A minute goes by, slowly ticking, and Vi tries not to give herself away. She tries not to reveal how the simple act of you rubbing your stomach has her heating up. How she's instantly imagining your stomach round with her child and the way your hand would look caressing the bump.

So tender, so gentle.

Something hot within Vi stirs, causing her to grow a bit restless. The movie captures her attention for a bit, but it hardly does much. Especially when you're pressed into her, still rubbing at your stomach and fuck, her sweatpants feel a little tight.

Because it isn't only about your stomach growing with life inside you. It's also about the transformation you'll grow through. How you'll get softer, how your scent will become a little milkier. How your breasts will swell in preparation and how you'd be a stunning image of how you belong to.

Vi.

Because it's Vi who'll do that to you; it's her who will fuck you full until you can't take anymore. It's Vi who will come and come and come in you until it takes and she sees the fruits of her labour.

It's her who'll…who'll breed you until you’re tongue's tied and your body's a wreck.

So beautiful and pilant and hers.

“...Vi?” Your voice calls her home, like a siren's song, and she's retrieved from her debauched thoughts. “Vi, sweetheart, the movie's done.”

Vi blinks at the television, the credits rolling down the dark screen. How long had she been spacing out for.

“Oh,” she says lamely and you chuckle, standing up from the couch. You tug at her arm, smiling tiredly, as you tilt your body towards the bedroom.

“I'm sleepy,” you say, giving one more tug before Vi’s standing on her feet. “Let's go to bed, we've got work in the morning.”

“Uh huh,” is all Vi can manage as she allows you to lead her to your bedroom.

Something new has clicked in her brain.

Something deep and primal at its core.

...She cannot talk to Jinx about this.

[lizziesangel]

could you write a fic where reader is a taylor swift lover and rafe kinda gets annoyed when she talks about her, but one night, after a party, reader’s a little drunk and they get into rafe’s car where she starts blasting ‘lover’ by taylor swift and she literally serenades him blah blah blah taylor then starts to grow on rafe (idk it sounded cuter in my head)

i love this and taylor, ahh. thank you, angel, for your request! <3

you’d been talking about taylor swift nonstop for the past week. it wasn’t your fault—her music was a masterpiece, and you were pretty sure even rafe knew it deep down, though he would never admit it.

the night of topper’s party had been wild. the keg stands, the music, the dancing—everything blurred into a haze of laughter and neon lights. by the time rafe herded you into his car, you were more than a little tipsy, your cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling.

“okay, let’s get you home, angel,” rafe muttered, sliding into the driver’s seat. you leaned your head back, fumbling with your phone to cue up some music.

“wait,” you said, swiping through your playlist with drunken determination. “we need… a vibe.”

“we need silence,” rafe countered, starting the car.

“but it’s our girl taylor—”

“taylor this, taylor that,” rafe muttered as he slid into the driver’s seat after the party. “i’m starting to think you love her more than you love me.”

you were just tipsy enough not to care about his faux annoyance.

“and you love it,” you teased, reaching for your phone to connect to the car’s bluetooth. he groaned but didn’t stop you. a few moments later, the soft opening chords of lover filled the car.

you gasped dramatically, turning to face him. “oh my gosh, baby, this is our song!”

he shook his headwith a grin, “it’s definitely not.”

“no, baby,” you said dreamily, turning to him. “this song… is so us.”

he glanced at you, eyebrow raised. “oh, really?”

you ignored him, singing along as the lyrics began, your voice slightly slurred but heartfelt. by the time you hit the chorus, you were full-on serenading him, hands clasped to your chest like you were performing on stage.

“can i go where you go?” you crooned, leaning closer to him with an exaggerated pout. “can we always be this close forever and ever?”

rafe rolled his eyes but didn’t tell you to stop. in fact, a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he turned his attention back to the road.

by the bridge of the song, you’d managed to coax him into humming along. “see? you’re a swiftie in denial!” you declared triumphantly.

“yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, but there was no heat in his voice. maybe it was the alcohol or the way you lit up when you sang, but something about it made him start to wonder what all the fuss was about.

for a moment, the world narrowed to just the two of you—your slightly off-key singing, your hand in his, and the song weaving a warm cocoon around the car. rafe’s heart did an odd little flip. he’d never admit it, but the way you looked at him in that moment, eyes full of affection and trust, was enough to make him want to pull over and kiss you senseless.

in the weeks that followed, rafe started noticing taylor swift everywhere. at first, it was annoying—you’d hum her songs while making coffee or quote her lyrics during arguments “this is me trying, rafe!”. but gradually, something shifted.

one night, he caught himself humming “cruel summer” in the shower. another time, he turned on the radio in his truck and didn’t immediately switch the station when “you belong with me” came on. it wasn’t until he was alone in his room, scrolling through his phone, that he found himself… adding “lover” to his playlist.

by the time your anniversary rolled around, rafe had a plan. after dinner, he led you to his truck and turned on the stereo. the familiar strums of “lover” filled the air.

your jaw dropped. “no way. is this… are you playing taylor?”

“don’t make it a big thing,” he grumbled, though the corners of his mouth twitched.

you stared at him, eyes wide with amazement. “rafe cameron, are you becoming a swiftie?”

“let’s not get carried away,” he said, pulling you into his arms as the song played. “but maybe… i get it now.”

as you swayed together under the stars, you rested your head against his chest, your heart swelling with joy. taylor swift might not have been rafe’s first love, but you had a feeling she’d earned a permanent spot in his heart—right next to you.

[lunaandco]

guys my age; part two

pairing: alexia putellas x ofc

summary: claudia is getting on alexia's nerves. a punishment was long coming

warnings: smut, spanking, age difference, power imbalance, angst

author's note: many wanted a part 2, and i usually deny any request, but after i had this idea i kinda had to... there will be a final 3rd part and that will be it!

masterlist // part one // series masterlist // I do not take requests

Claudia was doing it on purpose. Alexia watched her as she sat on Salma's lap, giggling about something she was showing her on her phone, her pretty smile directed towards someone other than herself.

Alexia knew she was being punished, in a childish petty way. Claudia was pissed at being denied more of their illicit activities, since Alexia insisted their one off in the hotel room had been a unique mistake that would not happen again.

She should be happy Claudia was finding someone else to be with, but jealousy was blinding her completely.

Alexia needed a full intervention, if she wanted to keep her dignity and reputation. A twenty year old starlet could not be the end of her.

The worst thing was, it was starting to be obvious. The night before, Irene had looked at her with an arched eyebrow and the knowing curl in her lips of a woman that was being lied to her face, when Alexia said nothing was going on with Claudia.

She obviously ended up caving. Irene was not necessarily approving, but she didn't blow off at her either.

"Sometimes we want thing that we can't have," she told her. "Be wise, capi."

Alexia hated how much that nickname reminded her of Claudia and what happened between them.

"Capi?" Alexia shot her gaze back to Claudia, who had left Salma's lap to approach her silently. "Can you take me home, please?"

"Can't Salma do it?" Alexia didn't mean to be rude, but as they got closer, Claudia started to get lifts almost exclusively from Salma.

"She's got family stuff she can't be late for."

"Ah."

Alexia should come up with an excuse. Say she also had something with her family or a dentist appointment. But just as it was unprofessional to sleep with her players as a captain, it was to avoid them at all costs.

So she ended up leading Claudia to her car, heart risen to her throat as she watched the youngster buckle up her seat belt. They had been in this situation cuntless times, but this was the first since they had... well, Alexia did not want to think about it too hard.

It would get her in trouble.

Claudia didn't seem to care about the tension—or percieve it at all—as she connected her phone to the Bluetooth to put her own playlist, humming one song or another.

"You've been avoiding me," she stated calmly.

"I—" Alexia didn't want to deny it, it would only add gasloghting to the list of crimen she had committed up until now. "We should keep a profesional distance. That is what I'm trying to do."

"Bullshit."

"I'm sorry?"

"I said bullshit."

Claudia's eyes were blazing with emotion.

"You want me. I can see it." Claudia's whole body was turned towards Alexia.

"Claudia we..."

"No. You. All our issues are actually your fears." Fire started filling Alexia's veins. "You're just a coward. You don't have the balls to take what you wan—"

Alexia took the wrong turn, and began driving in direction to her home, not Claudia's. It was closer and it had private parking. And her bed was there, if things escalated. Which theye were going to.

"What—"

"Silence."

Claudia gulped, the fight gone from her body. Alexia might have skipped a few traffic laws in order to get them there sooner, parking in her garden and exiting the car immediately. She swung open the passengers door, grabbing Claudia by the arm and quite literally dragging her inside.

The girl had very little time to stare at her surroundings and drink in Alexia's living space, before they reached the bedroom. She was not going to cower under Alexia's wrath, though. With a quick turn, that drove rival players insane, Claudia got on her tip toes and kissed Alexia, relishing in the way the captain returned the kiss.

But a sharp slap hit her ass.

"You need to be taught a lesson on repeat," decided Alexia. "I am your captain. For better or for worse. You will address me as such."

"Yes, capi," she breathed. Alexia gasped. She was still not used to that fucking nickname coming out of Claudia's pretty pink lips.

Still, she was not deterred. Alexia helped Claudia strip, who obeyed without protest, too enthralled by Alexia's sudden burst of passion. It was what she had been hoping for, by being a little more touchy with Salma than was necessary.

Once she was completely nude, Alexia sat on her bed, still dressed. She palmed her lap a clear non-verbal order. Claudia draped herself across her thighs, her ass right in front of Alexia, who squeezed one cheek.

"I presume you already know what is going to happen, you've been hoping for it, haven't you?"

"Yes, capi."

"You wanted this?" A harsh slap fell on the cheek she had been groping.

"Yes, capi."

"You understand this is a punishment, not a reward?"

"Yes, capi."

Another harsh slap on the other thigh.

"I would give you a count, but I don't want you to know how much is left."

Claudia gasped. It was as if Alexia already knew what she needed. The onslaught on her ass was non stopping. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, as she cried out. Claudia loved it.

Once her vision was blurry, and her throat was dry, Alexia's hand returned to gently squeeze the reddened skin.

"You were good, baby," she praised.

"Thank you, capi."

💙❤️

Claudia woke up later that evening. The sun was long gone, there was a dull throb on her backside, that had been clearly treated for the bruises with cream. A blanket was thrown over her body, and Alexia was sitting in silence by the foot of the bed.

"Capi?" she called with a stuttering voice.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure?"

Alexia's face was lined with worry. Claudia's body tensed, as if she could feel the thoughts swirling through her captain's head.

"Yeah," she whispered. "I really liked it, earlier. I—"

"It should not happen again."

Ah.

Claudia knew this would happen, in the back of her mind. Alexia clearly wanted her, there were already two instances of her doing exactly what she said they shouldn't, but the rejection still stung.

"Oh, c'mon. It's not a bad thing, I know you're hungry up with the age difference, and the captain thing, but I'm sure there is a way for HR to—"

"I said no, Claudia."

"Alright."

Furiously, Claudia got up from the bed, quickly finding her clothes and putting them on, even if it ached in the bruised areas of her ass. If Alexia still insisted she didn't want her, then Caludia would not beg forever.

"Wait, let me wash you up and make you some dinner at le—"

"No!" Interrupted Cludia with tears of frustration streaming down her face. "You don't get to reject me and then have aftercare. If you want to be all sweet and attentive, then fucking date me!"

Alexia looked hurt, but Caludia didn't care, storming off the house.

[earlysunshines]

secret rhymes - 22. bumping into... you? (half-written)

a/n: i need tim tams rn i'm so hungry... either that or ketchup chips or lowk i would kill for rice crackers oh myogosdkjadllksda

after checking your phone to read the numbers plastered on your screen, you were appalled.

you've woken up at the most ungodly hour. since you passed out early, your body naturally decided to wake you up at three in the morning. maybe that's because you took a nap prior to (getting scared to death) meeting up with anton.

you rolled around in bed for at least fifteen minutes, trying to keep your eyes closed and force yourself back to sleep. nothing worked, sleep is not happening again tonight—or, well, this morning.

now you're in the bathroom of anton's grandparents' (who are the sweetest couple ever for letting you stay the night, even telling you to visit more often when you're free) house looking at yourself in the mirror. your eyes are a bit puffy after sleeping, and your hair is a bit disheveled. but now that you're up there's no going back to sleep for another few hours.

after glancing at yourself once more and splashing cold water on your face, you decide that maybe a late-night walk—and snack run—isn't the worst option. your stomach growls just a bit after you've made the decision, and you come to the conclusion that this has to happen, especially since the nearest convenience store isn't too far.

when you go back to the room, you search around for your puffer jacket, plopping it on the t-shirt you stole from anton and deciding to keep the gray sweatpants you have on. before you leave the room, you also steal a beanie—anton's. speaking of him, he's passed out on the large bed clinging onto a pillow, facing the other direction and snoring lightly. you sneak a picture, it's what best friends are for.

the store is a fifteen-minute walk away, which is enough time to clear your head and listen to a few songs from your playlist. and when you get there, you scan the to-go food section, grab one roll of gimbap, then head to the drink aisle.

you scan the options before reaching over to grab a peach tea, then your hand brushes against someone else's suddenly. startled, you glance up. the girl next to you is wearing a mask, and you've got your earbuds in, so you silently nod your head and mouth an apology before stepping back to let them take the drink.

the girl pauses, her eyes widening slightly. then, to your surprise, she lowers her mask.

it's hanni.

you both freeze for a second, taking in the absurdity of the situation before breaking into quiet laughter. "no way," she says, "what a coincidence."

"couldn't wait to see me again? it's only been a few days." you reply, voice light and teasing. a bold response, but hanni laughs brightly, matching your energy.

"you could say that, if you want to get ahead of yourself."

you chuckle softly before grabbing your own drink, and before you know it, you're walking side by side to the register together. after you two pay, hanni is the first to question you.

"so, what are you doing up at this hour?"

"i woke up early on accident, couldn't sleep after that." you admit. "i was sleeping over at my friends' grandparents' place. the house isn't far from here and i like walking..." you glance at her. "you?"

"it's one of my off days," she says, tucking her hands into the pocket of her cardigan. "but i accidentally set my alarm way too early, and once i woke up, i couldn't go back to sleep. so... here i am."

you both chuckle, the conversation flowing easily after that while you snack and sip. hanni seems pleasantly surprised by how casual it all feels, especially given how tense your first meeting had been. the two of you talk about everything—from yunjin's antics to random late-night thoughts, even snacks.

hanni finds herself smiling at the anecdote you drop about your favorite dried squid snack from a store near your house back home. when you sigh, looking up at the moon acting all sad, it makes her laugh. and then hanni starts talking about tim tams, talking about how much she misses the taste of them and that she'd do anything to have one right now. you agree with her, both of you are a tad bit homesick.

the two of you continue to talk about snacks, specifically getting heated over snacks you both hate. it's then that you catch hanni shivering a bit, offering to give her your jacket since she's only in a cardigan and a long sleeve thermal.

her eyes widen at the offer. "no, it's fine, really." hanni assures, "you're so sweet, thank you."

"just wear it for now." you slip one arm out and continue as you fully take it off. "i have a really warm hoodie underneath."

hanni hesitates, biting the inside of her lip before she takes the puffer.

"thank you y/n," hanni says as she takes the jacket, slipping it on and immediately grateful for the warmth it provides. "i owe you."

"it's nothing." you shrug, sipping on your tea and smiling. "can't have you getting sick, you know?"

hanni realizes that wow, you're even better than the little version of yourself she's made up in her head. you're real and sweet and kind and cute. you're more than just a great singer, but a great person. and with that though hanni wonders if she should tell you about, well, how she's a fangirl

before she can do so, you bashfully admit as you kick a rock, "so, uh, i've been listening to your group more lately. after running into you last time, i felt bad about not knowing much about you and the others."

"oh. you don't have to feel bad," she says quickly, her voice soft and assuring.

"well, i do." you say with a small laugh. "but i'm glad i did. i've had ditto on repeat, i made my friend from new jersey—the one from the sleepover—listen and watch the music videos. and also..." you hesitate, scratching the back of your neck before continuing, "you look really pretty in the music video and the performances."

hanni blinks, her steps faltering for just a moment before her cheeks turn pink. she looks away, biting back a shy smile. "thanks," she murmurs, clearly flustered.

before long, it's time to part ways. hanni slips off your puffer jacket, and when you put it back on, it smells more like sugar cookie than your normal scent of jasmine. and as soon as you look back at hanni, you realize that your puffer suited her well despite it being a bit long and oversized.

you stand in front of her after throwing away the packaging, mustering up some courage. "hey, before um, you know, we part..."

"yeah?" hanni asks, suddenly nervous as well.

"would it be okay if i got your number? i know it might be too forward, with you being an idol and all, so no worries if—"

"of course." hanni interrupts, smiling as she pulls out her phone. "i don't mind at all."

a smile pulls at your lips and hanni can't help but mirror your expression. you exchange numbers, and as she tucks her phone back into her pocket, she glances back up at you. "i'm glad we ran into each other, it's no surprise that you and yunjin are friends, haha."

"i'm glad we ran into each other as well. you're really interesting, i like you—your energy! i mean. yeah, you're um, you're cool." you cringe internally, maybe that wasn't the best choice of words? gosh, you sound like a child, who says 'you're cool—'

"hey y/n?"

"ah. yeah?"

"it'd be nice to get to know you more. i'd, i'd um, i'd like to hangout with you again sometime. it can be just us— o-or you know, yunjin too... maybe my members, y-you know." hanni is stuttering, and now she wants to turn and run and never look back. she looks back into your eyes, taking a quick breath in. "if you're down."

"i'd like that a lot." you respond immediately, grinning.

"right, okay." hanni smiles and it's then you realize just how short she is. it's kind of funny, but maybe you'll tease her another time. she tilts her head up just a bit to meet your gaze and the street lamp really makes her eyes stand out.

you can't believe you've just landed a new bond with not only an interesting person, but a whole idol. after getting to know hanni more, the whole idol thing doesn't really shake you as much. you just see her as someone who's really funny when discussing how much she loves eating everything and anything.

"i'll text you later." you say, "is that okay?"

"of course it is." hanni beams.

"okay." you give her a thumbs up before fixing the beanie on your head.

"you should try to sleep in again," she adds.

"yeah... i should." you giggle—hanni does too.

hanni waves at you and walks off. you watch her go for a moment, a strange fluttery feeling in your chest. as you turn and head back toward anton's grandparents' place, you can't help but smile to yourself.

it's a little past six in the morning, which means you've been out with hanni for around two hours.

two hours well spent, you conclude.

masterlist ; previous - next

taglist ! @namojoon @ly-gushka @layonaiguess @sonotcopingatall @artrizzler19 @yerimbrit @sixflame438 @nwjnsloona @saysirhc @nimnia @somedaydream @trovao-penguins @modanisgf @c-yerim @starstruckgoateepuppy @tzuyusdoughnut @kaypanaq @peranoo @haerinkisser @electronicluminarycoffee @yoohtonyy @secretcessy @keiji-jin @awkwardtoafault @syronns @linnnsworld

[butchdiaz]

tagged by @iinryer to do a 2024 fic roundup but i'm adding my videos in too because. uh. its fun to look back! and i want to!

MARCH

american teenager (36s)

my first ever commission! for my best friend bia! to this day i hear do what you want (do more!) everytime i listen to this song.

APRIL

arms (1:02)

this was for seti. and it hurt.

good luck babe! (1:11)

literally never felt euphoria the same since the week of bi buck when i made this. changed the timeline. (although i was so euphoric and excited to post that i cropped in a rush and left a little white line in one of the shots and it pisses me off massively to this day. yes im a virgo thanks for asking)

to open up my arms and give it all to you (2.5k)

my little buck coming out to chris fic with hints of buddie <3 bi buck got me writing again after months of literal Nothing. god bless

one of your girls (3:09)

kirby's vision went OFF. so proud of this one like. its gotta be one of my favs and i feel like it became a bit of a butchdiaz classic which makes me so happy :D

MAY

kill her freak out (1:33)

this video is my little baby. ohhh samia. ouaagh eddie.

scared of my guitar (2:23)

shoutout to the way the dialogue syncs up in this one. rly satisfying to me hehehe. honestly didn't think i'd like this one as much as i do but she hits hard

promise (1:15)

love when people commission me to edit songs im already currently obsessing over yay!!!!!

JUNE

happy to be here (2:16)

julien baker. eddie diaz. aka abby had a mental breakdown making this one.

closed hands, full of friends (45s)

this was my first time editing a song i had Never heard beforehand! 3 cheers for finding new music!!

JULY

l'amour de ma vie (3:26)

ok not to toot my own horn but. this one is good. i feel like i really told a story u know. and about now is when i started to play around with fun/more intricate text ooh ooooh

a burning hill (1:01)

this prompt was designed in a lab to kill me specifically. i wanted to do the whole song originally but i like. could not go on.

my ego dies at the end (2:49)

i reallyyyy like this one. long edits my beloved! i love to build to something. i rewatch this one often tbh. jensen mcrae is everythinggg

AUGUST

north star (2:16)

again, had never heard this song b4 i got this prompt and it got me obsessed with this searows album. this edit makes me feel all soft. rly loved incorporating fleabag into it bc like. fleabag for life. shoutout summerofbuddie for the inspo

feels like (58s)

this song has been on my buddie playlist(s) forever so i was So excited to get this prompt. it was so fun to make something. not depressing and just like. fluffy. fun fact i hand drew all the hearts for this in ps and they were such a pain to work with but i really love how it turned out cause i'd never done anything like that before :')

pink balloon (2:29)

finally made a proper buck amv. after so many eddie ones it was actually nice to switch it up. felt re-inspired! also always so inspired by samia ugh. i am an eddiegirl literally to my bones tho so this was both v hard and v fun to make.

SEPTEMBER

"i want a divorce" / "it was a date" (2:19)

the buckshannon parallels ouuugughhh. this was one of those ones that haunted me so persistently i literally was forced to make it. saw hanna's post and then blacked out and i was posting this.

had a feeling i could be someone (3k)

+

leave tonight or live and die this way (1.1k)

dyke buddie!!!!!!!! these fics are sooooo near and dear to my heart. i love to make everyone wlw! i love to project my butchness onto my fav characters! wrote these so fast (for me) like writing has Never flown out of me like that. i was possessed by the spirit of lesbianism. and. GOD. the response to these fics also makes me want to cry daily. the beautiful art that was created?????? for me and my little fic?????????? i actually can't believe it i love you guys so much. lesbians forever and ever and ever.

did it to myself (1:11)

another one of my favs. i think it slaps so hard tbh. i tried a lot of new stuff and it was so FUN. orla's music is so much fun to edit to i need to do another one of her songs asap.

afraid of heights (2:46)

boygenius wrote this for my friend buck buckley. got entirely consumed by this one. thank u han for being my buckafraidofheights warrior for life <3

headlock (2:23)

i love buck but i remember coming back to making an eddie amv and breathing a sigh of relief. i just Get him. its so easy. this one's underrated i think oop it kinda slaps

OCTOBER

savior complex (3:16)

this one was a rly good challenge and idek why. super happy with how it turned out though i like watching it back

NOVEMBER

funeral bell (2:54)

the buck thesis statement. to me. and such a crazy unique process. loved working w kaitlin on this one and sending her 10 million drafts (she rly got a behind the scenes tour yall and it was not pretty). this was an absolute BEAST to make despite it not even being that complicated. i think i just cared so much about making it perfect for my dear friend who trusted me with her visions and inspiration and that made it all the more special!

you get your dreams for free (14.8k)

drunk cuddling!!!!!!!! my longest fic i've posted to date and i fully thought i was never gonna finish it. i abandoned this last YEAR but im SO glad i came back to it and most of the reason for that is because of the absolutely lovely responses to my earlier fics this year <3 literally hilarious to me that i originally wanted to post this on halloween 2023. abby. abby no.

surrender my heart! (1:30)

post-confessions euphoria + a carly rae jepsen prompt? i was literally in heaven. SURRENDER UR HEART EDDIEEEEEEEEE

DECEMBER

every place leads back to your place (2.1k)

music inspires me soooo much (looks up at this post. no way right.) so i absolutely loved writing based off a song! and a chappell song nonetheless!! so fun to twist a breakup song around to fit Them. i particularly love the kiss in this one <3

oldie's station (3:17)

phew we're almost there! this one is recent but lowkey it feels like another classic to me already. i really really like it. making it felt like cooking a three course meal and watching it kinda feels like eating one :D (thank god) (i spent so many hours in that kitchen)

letter to god (1974) (2:27)

+

letter to god (1983) (1:52)

putting these together bc they are sister songs and sister videos. first time in my life i've worked on two videos at once. it was fun because they kind of grew together and influenced each other very directly. not fun because i ran out of space and my laptop crashed. several times. these felt rly indulgent and raw. kind of shocking to me how perfect both songs feel for both of them. had a lot of fun messing with the voice/video filters to try and place these in their respective eras bc im obsessed with that aspect of the songs. halsey's artistry is crazy yall if u havent listened to her newest album GO. NOW.

the rush of slumber party kissing (3.2k)

posted this literally yesterday lol. also my first time writing smut. somehow. scary! but i did giggle all the way through writing this tbh. when buddie reveal their true nature as silly teenage girls >>>>>>>>>>

SPECIAL SHOUTOUT

fleabag au wip, who saw the light of day again this year. she could be finished in six months or six more years, but she Will be finished. im determined!

<3

ok if u read all that uh. wow congrats fhdhhdh im gonna get sappy for JUST A SEC now cause uh. im actually blown away by the support and love and appreciation this fandom has shown me this past year. you guys have given me so much confidence in my skills as both an editor and a writer and you also quite literally helped me pay my rent. by making videos about gay firefighters. its actually kind of mind blowing to me how lucky i am and i never want to take that for granted <3

to anyone who has commissioned me, or sent me a prompt, or left a comment on a fic, or a tag on a video, or sent me a kind ask, or subscribed to me, or followed me, or reblogged anything of mine this year: thank you.

im so grateful for this little community and all the friends and connections i have made through our collective insanity over a procedural drama on abc (neé fox). yall rock so hard.

<3

tagging @userbuddie @chronicowboy @confessionseddie @try-set-me-on-fire @userautumn @lovelettered @exhuastedpigeon @sibylsleaves @saryasy @team-118 @lemmeaskthedevil @eddiebabygirldiaz if u wanna do any sort of yearly roundup!

[anakinstwinklebunny]

imagine its new year’s eve, sam’s at his moms house and is completely clueless when his son has a tantrum that lasts forever, but that boy would have zero clue how to calm a baby down. I feel like the crying would just go for hours since sam isn’t really doing anything to stop him. love your writing.💜

SAM MONROE sat on the worn-out couch at his mom’s house, legs sprawled out, one arm thrown over the backrest, the other holding a half-empty soda can. The TV was on, humming with some random New Year’s countdown special in the background, cause the main noise was the wailing coming from the other side of the living room.

Vinnie was in full meltdown mode, chubby cheeks streaked with tears, face scrunched up as he clutched his one-eyed stuffed bunny. His sobs were loud enough to make Sam wince every second, but he didn’t really know what to do.

“Alright, buddy,” Sam sighed, rubbing a hand down his face, putting the can on the coffee table before swinging his legs to sit on the couch “what’s the problem? You hungry? Tired? You miss your mom or somethin’?”

The toddler just wailed louder, stumping his foot against the floor

Sam rolled his eyes “Goddamn, kid, you’ve been crying for, like, an hour. Can you chill for two seconds?” He looked around, hoping his mom or one of his stepbrothers would magically appear to save him, but the living room was empty. Everyone had to be in the backyard, laughing and playing some lame game, leaving him to figure this out alone.

Vinnie’s cries hit a new octave, which Sam finally realized this wasn’t going to fix itself. “Alright, alright, I get it! You’re pissed.” He stood and scooped Vinnie up, holding him awkwardly under his arm like a football. The toddler squirmed and screamed louder, and Sam cursed under his breath.

“Okay, not that, got it.” He set Vinnie on his hip, bouncing him clumsily, feeling helpless. Like he himself is about to burst crying just because he can't help his son. “What do people do? Uh… shh? Like that’s supposed to work?”

Vinnie let out a piercing scream in response, and Sam winced, head thumping against the wall behind him. “For the love of--dude, c’mon. You’re killin’ me here.”

He tried pacing the living room, mumbling half-hearted reassurances. “You’re fine. It’s New Year’s Eve. Don’t you wanna stay up? See fireworks? Eat some… apple slices or whatever?” as if it was the best choice for the 20 month old boy

Vinnie’s crying didn’t stop at all, and Sam’s panic grew. He was clueless. Sure, he could handle diapers and baths and feeding him, but tantrums? Full-on breakdowns? This was a whole new level of parenting hell he was not ready for

“Alright, what about music? You like music, right?” Sam grabbed his phone and pulled up some random playlist for the kids, making sure the first song blaring through the speakers was loud enough for the boy to hear. “There, happy now?”

Vinnie’s cries faltered for a split second before he went right back to sobbing, his little hands clutching Sam’s shirt like his life depended on it.

Sam let out a frustrated groan. “Dude, I’m trying here!” He rocked Vinnie in his arms, bouncing becoming more frantic. “What do you want? Huh? Tell me! I’ll give you anything--just--just stop crying!”

Finally, in a last-ditch effort, Sam grabbed the stuffed bunny from the floor and gently pressed it into Vinnie’s arms. “Here. Take your stupid bunny.”

Vinnie's expression softened before he began to hiccup, sobs slowing down as he hugged the bunny tightly to his chest. His chubby cheeks were still flushed; the tears slowly started to dry, and he let out a pitiful little whimper, leaning his head against Sam’s shoulder.

Sam froze, staring at his now-quiet son like he’d just performed a miracle. “Oh. That’s all you wanted? Your creepy-ass bunny?”

Vinnie let out a soft sniffle, tiny hands clutching the worn toy, and Sam sighed in relief, sinking back onto the couch.

“God..” he muttered, rubbing Vinnie’s back in slow circles. The toddler let out a tired little yawn, head nuzzling into the crock of Sam’s neck.

“Yeah, well, happy freakin’ New Year,” Sam mumbled, resting his chin on top of Vinnie’s head with a sigh, before nuzzling to the boy's curls

TAG LIST: @kingdomhate @divineani @haydensprettyprincess @skyguys-princess @catnipaddict @heartscone @haydensbbg @inneedsoffanfics @jediavengers @literally-izzy @anisluvrgirl @slutforfinnickodair @xhunnybeeex @fuckmyskywalker @gallerygourmet @deceptiive @rssmary @anakinskwkler @bimbo-baggins17 @cookybananas @emotionallybruisedx @diorvalentina @sevinax @throughparisallthroughrome @aniiuv @ritosparty @ninastyless @lily-strnlo @thesassypadawan @awhhayden @sydkneez @anisangeldust @l1ttle-misssunsh1ne

[grapehyasynth]

maus what if i was curious to know what drabble you cook up based on the song 'impossible' by shontelle?? 💜

MY BELOVED MAUS!

oh boy did this get ANGSTY! my original idea was canon-compliant, since the playlist is meant to align with canon, but then this bubbled up. sorry to my boys </3

Wille wakes up to a splitting headache and a missed call from Simon. He’s not sure which one is the stronger force in keeping him immobilized in his bed for another half an hour. 

They haven’t talked since the breakup, even though it was mutual and mostly amicable. It just hurts too much. Not like it doesn’t hurt, not talking to him. Everything hurts. 

He puts off calling Simon back. He pushes back the thick curtains, washes his face, brushes the stale alcohol breath off his teeth and tongue. He debates not returning the call at all. People still accidentally butt-dial, don’t they? 

It’s only when he catches himself nibbling at his thumbnail, a habit he’s (mostly) kicked, that he drops onto the chaise longue, drawing his knees up to his chest so he can tug his sweatshirt over his legs. 

“Hej?” he ventures, when the call connects. “What’s up?” 

An indignant little huff of a laugh shivers in his ear. He’s spent the months since their breakup absorbing Simon’s voice through videos and mp3 files, but hearing it just for him is better, worse, everything. “Wille, I get that the situation is shitty, but this is your only warning. Next time I’m blocking you, on all the platforms. I know that sounds harsh, but I just can’t -- I need to not--” 

“Platforms?” On a sudden, vertiginous, half-remembered hunch, Wille puts the call on speakerphone and flips through to see which other apps are still open on his phone. Instagram - open to his direct messages with Simon. Shit. Apparently, at 2AM last night, Wille had sent could you maybe act a little less thrilled to be done with me? or give me half the grammy jfc. thanks so much puss och kram. “Shit. Simon--” 

“My manager wanted to cancel my appearances today. And you know how much she does not believe in days off.” 

“It wasn’t -- I didn’t mean to--” He’s not going to tell Simon it was a joke. Not even the most generous interpretation of text tone would let that message read as a joke. 

He’d been drunk, thoroughly blasted from a friend’s birthday party. He’d gotten back to the royal residence well past midnight, and in an effort to escape the silence of the dark, massive, lonely hallways, he’d wound up on his stomach in his bed, still wearing a suit, watching a seemingly endless parade of Simon’s live performances to promote his new album. The new album that exudes fuck you, that proclaims boy bye, that flaunts Simon’s singlehood and freedom. And the whole world knows Wille was Simon’s last boyfriend. So not only does he have to live without Simon, he has to see him thriving, and he has to read all the strangers on the internet, especially Simon’s superfans, speculating about why they broke up, about how shitty Wille must have been as a boyfriend to make Simon this desperate to move on, about how he never deserved Simon and Simon was probably never happy with him. Wille knows it’s not true - they’d fucking loved each other, neither of them wanted to break up, but it got too hard, the demands of their respective careers and duties threatening to ruin what they had. But alone in this castle, drunk and morose, he’d started to wonder. Hence, the DM. 

“It wasn’t about you,” he offers Simon eventually, dully. “Not really, not like it seemed. It just... fuck, Simon, I know your songs aren’t all autobiographical but it hurts.” 

Simon’s quiet too long, a tense silence Wille remembers, when Simon is nearly vibrating with emotion but trying to breathe his way through it. “You’re right, they’re not all autobiographical. And these songs were written ages ago, before we were together - I didn’t even write all of them myself - they’re not about you, not the - not the ones people think, anyway. And of course I know that it hurts, Wille, god, I - do you think I want to sing about a shitty ex and perform like I’m having the time of my life when I’m so heartbroken I can barely get out of bed?” 

Wille doesn’t know what to say. If they were in person, this is when he would go to Simon, hold him as he cried. 

Wasn’t the breakup supposed to prevent them both from falling apart? 

Simon sniffles. “I’ll try to make it more clear, in my interviews. I’ve tried to steer them away from you but I’ll do better. Is that what you want, Wille? Would that help?” 

“Yes. No. I don’t - I don’t know what I want, Simon,” he admits brokenly. “I just want you.” 

“Wille--” 

“I just want you.”

[echoingbirdsofprey]

Delicate (Jake's Version)

24 - Fade (Into You)

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x OFC Samantha Kazansky

Rating: EXPLICIT (MDNI!)

Warnings: SMUT. SMUT. SMUT. Discussion of a safe word. unprotected sex (wrap before you tap) piv, like deep in the v, like as deep as Jake can get without breaking Sam. Glorification of Jake's shitty emotional state also??? but honestly this is the SEXUAL HEALING both he and Sam need.

A/N: This is literally just 2500 words of SMUT. And raunchy smut too. Jake is an absolute animal. Please enjoy! Likes, comments, reblogs are appreciated as always! I loved writing this by the way hehehe. I've added a few more songs to the playlist so check the masterlist for that link, but I've linked a song that inspired me to write this chapter the way I did. Also if you get the Yellowstone reference, kudos to you!

Tags: @djs8891 @mrsevans90 @gpsmississippihippie @barnesboo1967 @dizzybee03

As they pulled into the driveway, in remarkable time, Jake’s eyes had darkened significantly. He nearly ran to the passenger side to help Sam get out of the truck. She left her heels on the floor of the F-150 and grabbed the skirt of her dress, lifting it so that she could make it into the house and up the steps easier. As soon as they were inside with the door shut, Jake was on Sam like a predator to it’s kill. 

He pinned her up against the door, both hands running the skirt of the dress up as high as they could. Sam couldn’t help the moan that fell from her lips as her hands grasped Jake’s head, steadying him for a hard and fast kiss that turned into many many more. Jake was the one who pulled away, wiping his mouth and backing away.

“ Fuck. I need a second, Sam .” He growled. He felt like a beast. He felt like a fucking Corriente bull, ready to fuck anything that walked. Had this been deep inside of him this whole time? She was panting and she sunk slightly against the door, her eyes wide. His lust was clearly palpable in the air and he wasn’t sure if it scared her, excited her, or both.

“Are you...okay?” She asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, I just...I don’t wanna do this right here.” He chuckled and held his hand out to her. “I don’t want to hurt you either. I didn’t realize how pent up I was until we were here, now.” 

“Jake...” She stepped toward him, taking his hands for a moment, but then she slid hers up his arms and to his chest. She toyed with the buttons on his jacket and glanced up at him through hooded chocolate brown. “I want to feel how much you want me. I want you to fuck me, remember?” 

“I know, but I...” He stuttered, his brain going fuzzy as her fingers tugged at the buttons, carefully taking them apart. 

“Jake please. I’m begging you, handsome. Please me . Make love to me. Fuck me. I want it all. I want all of you, every bit of unhinged , every piece of your fucked up soul . I want it. I want you to show me just how wild you are, because I know it’s in there. You’ve been so patient , and so exhausted. But I know you’ve been clawing at your cage and you want out .” Sam’s voice was sultry and seductive as she undid the buttons, one by one, until she got to the end. She pulled his jacket open, exposing his white dress shirt and more buttons. Jake removed it and hung it on the end of the banister at the bottom of the stairs. He knew Javy and Maisy wouldn’t be home for a while, but just in case it was a good signal that Jake and Sam were occupied upstairs. 

Sam’s fingers met his belt buckle and she unbuckled it and unzipped his dress pants. Jake hadn’t realized how hard he was until then because he felt immediate relief, at least for a few moments. He hadn’t been thinking about his own sexual desires for the past couple of weeks. They’d just been too busy, but now that it was the only thing to think about, it was clear that Jake needed release. 

And he was out of his sling. His metaphorical cage. 

Jake kicked his shoes off and Sam tugged him closer by the waistband of his pants. She smirked and glanced down, then palmed his length through his pants. He groaned, a long and low sound that sent a jolt straight to Sam’s core. His head fell back and tipped slightly to the side and his eyes fluttered closed. He was already losing himself. 

“I can’t...lose...control...babygirl.” He murmured as her lips met his neck. She nipped at his skin as she began to undo the buttons on his dress shirt. He had nothing on underneath and the golden hair that dusted his chest had begun to poke out. Sweat beaded at his brow and his neck with all of his layers on and he couldn’t wait to get them off. Sam licked a line up his neck, tasting the salty, taut flesh.

“Jake, let go. You can. I can take it.” She said, finishing the last of the buttons. She slid his shirt off his shoulders and threw it on the floor. Sam hadn’t removed a damn thing yet. 

“We need a fuckin’ safe word. Or something to tell me to keep goin’ because I can already tell this is gonna get rough.” Jake mused and Sam caught his eyes as he tipped his head down to meet her mouth with his. 

“Green.” Sam said seductively, and as if Jake’s pupils could be any wider with lust, they seemed to cloud over more. Jake’s fingers met her hips where he’d bunched up her dress and they dug in, leaving tick marks under the fabric for sure. She whined into his mouth. 

“Goddamnit, Samantha.” He made a guttural noise, rumbling deep in his chest and he swept her up off her feet bridal style, and carried her up the stairs. Sam yelped in surprise but she grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss as they headed to their love nest. He kept one eye on where he was going and his lips locked with hers, their tongues battling. It wasn't a contest for dominance per say, it was more of who could get who more aroused. Who could drive who more crazy and which one of them would break first.

Jake elbowed the door open and then kicked it closed in the same breath. He threw her on the bed, which made her giggle wildly. He yanked the top of her dress down and assaulted her perfect, naked breasts with his mouth and hands equally. He sucked one nipple into his mouth and flicked the other with his fingertips, earning a loud moan from Sam. She threw her head back, allowing Jake to nip at her neck too. He bit down at the top of her collarbone and when she half screamed, half moaned, he backed off. He gazed down at her, his breath coming in quick bursts. He needed a few seconds, as he was about to bust just from the noises she was making. 

“Jake! Fucking green! Green! Green! Green!” She said desperately, impatiently grabbing for him. He pulled away and she whimpered in protest, but he wasn't teasing her. He was tugging her dress down the rest of her body to expose her beautifully tanned skin to the cool air. The motion left goosebumps racing across her skin. Jake threw her dress on the floor and for a second he thought how sad that such a gorgeous piece of clothing had been discarded in that way, but only for a second. As his eyes settled back on his fiance, he didn't feel so bad about the dress anymore. He tilted his head and from lowered lids he took in every inch of her incredible body. 

“God, you're fuckin’ perfect, y'know that, honey bun? Fuckin’ absolutely perfect.” He purred, then descended on her again, using his mouth first and foremost. He licked, sucked, nipped, and kissed his way down to her core, down to the skin just below her belly button. With his teeth, he pulled her panties down, then sent them the rest of the way with his hands, and roughly spread her legs apart. She was glistening, damn near dripping for him. 

He pushed his pants down the rest of the way quickly, throwing them behind him. Her eyes were locked on him, her lips parted and cheeks rosy red. She was beautiful, staring at him with so much neediness. He took a deep breath and kneeled between her legs. 

“You want me to fuck you right now?” He asked, his tone husky.  She shook her head and he smirked. “Too bad. I want dessert first.” 

He hooked his arms around her waist and moved her further up toward the top of the bed, then bent down and swiped his tongue through her folds and in and out of her entrance several times before taking two fingers and pushing them inside of her. Her walls pulsed around them as he curled his fingers up and massaged her spongy g-spot expertly. His thumb worked in fast circles on her clit at the same time. Jake ceased his movements, only for a moment while he buried his tongue inside her again. He covered her clit with his lips and sucked hard, pulling a gush of her arousal from her along with some of the most sinful sounds he'd ever heard. He then returned his fingers to their magic spot to finish the job.

She saw fireworks at the edges of her vision as Jake coaxed her rapidly over her first peak of pleasure. Fire raged low in her belly and exploded as she clenched hard around his fingers and he immediately pulled them and watched her pussy flutter at nothing. Her abs tightened hard rhythmically for a few moments and she broke out in a sweat as her orgasm faded. 

“So fuckin’ wet, babygirl. I'm not quite done with my dessert yet though.” He said, wiping his mouth with his hand. He then proceeded to swipe his fingers through her folds again, and coated his shaft with her juices. He took his length and pressed just the head in her still pulsing pussy. Sam moaned his name and he hovered over the top of her, leaning down to capture her lips in a hungry kiss. As he did this, he let his cock slide into her and he moaned at how easily it went. He pulled back and completely out, his cock twitching, his abs drawing up tight. He was doing everything he could to not come so soon. He swore, his tone harsh before he pressed another passion filled kiss to Sam's awaiting mouth. She reached up and hooked her fingers around the back of his neck so he couldn't leave. She pressed her nails into the back of his scalp and he smirked. 

He took his cock and pushed inside her again, repeating his previous actions. He pulled out all the way and felt himself spasming. He was cursing in his head and out loud at how fucking good Sam felt. He breathed out a ‘fuck’ and tensed all the muscles In his lower half like he would up in a jet to help with the g-forces, which he felt like he was under right now. He repeated this several times before thrusting into her again.

“Jake, stop teasing me!” Sam whined and he covered her mouth with his hand for a moment. She whimpered, her brows knitting. He leaned in close and pulled his hand away as he dipped his cock into her entrance again. 

“Samantha, do you even realize how fuckin' good you feel? I'm trying to stop myself from blowing my load too soon here, cause I wanna make this first round last. You're so fuckin’ needy right now, fuck.” His voice had an edge to it that made Sam shudder with excitement. Jake spoke again and the words that came out only served to bring her closer to the edge of her next orgasm. “Want you to feel every inch of me this time. I know how much you love the feeling of my cock inside you. And I know you want me to fuck you silly but I gotta make sure you're good and warmed up for that, honey bun. Nice and warm and wet.” 

Sam's pussy fluttered around Jake's length at his words and his smirk only grew more sly, more satisfied. Jake settled his hips then, almost flush against hers, bottoming out as his tip pressed against the deepest parts of her. 

“Fuuuuck. Sam. I fuckin’ love youuuu.” He groaned, as Sam dragged her fingers down his back and then grasped his biceps. He flexed in her hands and breathed deep into his lower half. She could feel his cock throbbing, ready to explode with even the slightest movement. Jake drew his hips back and forth, long and sustained strokes, once, twice, and a third and last time before his whole body tensed and he spilled inside of her, hot and thick ropes coating her innermost parts. He stilled, panting above her, as euphoria spread across the epicenter of his brain, making him feel like he was floating. 

Sam's hands traveled back up to his neck, and she ghosted her fingers over his cheeks. He hadn't even realized he'd closed his eyes until he was opening them and looking down at Sam's gentle expression of satisfaction. His lips met hers once again and then he raised a brow. There was a silent agreement forged between them then and Jake only asked one thing before he went to work. 

“On your back or ass in the air?” 

“I want to look into your green, green, green eyes while you fucking rail me, Jake.” She said, the blush that he loved so much returning quickly to her cheeks. It didn't take him long to get hard again, as he just stayed inside her and began a slow rhythm at first. His cock was still a little sensitive so it made him chuckle somewhat nervously to begin again. Sam was still teetering on the edge of her second orgasm and she'd been there for a while, but Jake vowed to get her there this time. 

He pulled her legs up and hooked them over his shoulders. He lifted her slightly off the bed and she grabbed onto the sheets as they were the only thing within reach. He wrapped his arms around her thighs and picked up speed steadily. She was so wet and the mix of her arousal and his cum leaked out with a squishing sound around his cock as his thrusts became deeper and harder. Their skin slapped together rapidly and with such force that his balls ricocheted off her ass with every thrust. Jake bared down, increasing his speed, rutting into her, and earning a new note from Sam. It was a moan so satisfied, coming so deep from inside her that Jake could only describe it as primal. Her head was thrown back in ecstasy and her tits bounced hard with the force Jake was exerting. He felt her pussy clamp down and he watched as her orgasm washed over her, catching in her throat and leaving her speechless and gasping for breath. Jake emptied his load once more with a last soul shattering thrust, breaking his conscious mind at the seams and ascending him to a higher plane. 

Everything became silent as Jake collapsed beside Sam. He pulled her against him and kissed her temple gently. She turned her head, their breath mingling in labored pants. 

“Are we gonna sit in our mess or take a shower?” Jake asked softly, a lilt of humor etching his words, letting his fingers trace a line from her belly button up to her sternum. 

“Can we enjoy our mess for just a few more moments?” She asked, her voice raspy from how loud she had been. 

“Sure can, babygirl, we sure can.” He said, even softer than before and Sam watched as his eyes closed. They would be asleep in no time, post-coital exhaustion creeping in quickly.

[occultbooks]

dylan's hilson playlist masterpost

THIS IS A LONG POST!

I have a lot of thoughts and opinions and you don't have to agree but they make me feel so sick to my stomach that I had to make a post. Music is, in my mind, one of the greatest things in the world. I'm very passionate about it. So, here is a (chronological) list of songs that remind me of House and Wilson.

You Don't Know Where Your Interest Lies (1967) - Simon & Garfunkel

S&G deep cut I love. One of their only singles that didn't end up on an album. This one is pretty straightforward. Could be from either perspective, but I like to think it's Wilson's perspective. The song starts:

You don't know that you love me You don't know, but I know that you do

and the second verse includes the line:

You may think that we're friends, all right But I won't let friendship get in my way

The vibe of the song is also much more musically intense than Simon & Garfunkel tend to veer in their love-related songs, making it aesthetically fitting to Hilson as well.

2. Starry Eyes (1979) - The Records

This one is slightly up to interpretation (not a very popular song so meanings aren't readily available) but it has a kind of melancholy unrequited "giving up" theme.

I don't wanna argue, there's nothing to say Get me out of your starry eyes and be on your way

I like to think of this one also as from Wilson's perspective, but he's pretending he's speaking on behalf of the hospital, offended at House acting in his own self-interest. Early season 8 "we're not friends anymore" vibes.

3. This Night (1983) - Billy Joel

Being on the same album as Leave a Tender Moment Alone, this one is very fitting to me. This one, in my head, is like House's perspective, alternate universe where Wilson isn't so repressed. The lyrics are so deliciously tragic to me even though the resolution of the song implies happy endings. Verse 2 makes me feel sick to my stomach:

I've been around, someone like me should know better Falling in love would be the worst thing I could do Didn't I say I needed time to forget her? Aren't you running from someone who's not over you?

UEGGHHGRHGAHGHR sorry this one I can't even be civil about. it makes me emotional

4. You Make Me Feel Like a Whore (1995) - Everclear

This one is self-explanatory but I'll preface a little bit before writing out some of the lyrics. This could be either House or Wilson perspective. Horniest middle-aged men in New Jersey. I feel like they're all over each other all the time. A bunch of freaks.

I take your word like it was gospel  I'm so eager to please  Yeah I like it when you talk to me  It feels so good inside your shadow  It's the place I need to be Yeah I know I need to climb you  Like a tree

Yeah. You guys know. The rest of the song is just as horny and I just...yeah.

5. Selfless, Cold and Composed (1997) - Ben Folds Five

House perspective for so many reasons. Many lyrics about someone telling you they're done with you and walking out, and you feeling like that's probably fair.

You don't owe me to be so polite You've done no wrong You've done no wrong Get out of my sight

but the one that fucks me up is

Come on baby now throw me A right to the chin Don't just stare like You never cared I know you did

Asking the other person to hit him to show that they care is such a House thing. Again: early season 8. This could realistically be any House relationship, really, but it's so Hilson breakup to me.

6. G.I.N.A.S.F.S. (2007) - Fall Out Boy

Fun fact: the song title stands for "Gay Is Not a Synonym For Shitty." Just thought that was interesting. Anyway, this is also from House's perspective. I could probably go into detail about every individual lyric but I'll try not to. This song is about yearning for someone you either can't have or shouldn't pursue. Post-canon (post-Wilson death) makes the most sense for most of the song but it could also be just House being in his own head and believing Wilson is too far away to reach.

Trade baby blues for wide-eyed browns I sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house In your shoes, you know it's strange It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you

I feel like House probably wears Wilson's clothes after he dies. It makes me unbelievably sad to think about. Anyway, the second verse followed by the pre-chorus kills me:

I've already given up on myself twice Third time is the charm, third time is the charm Threw caution to the wind, but I've got a lousy arm And I've traced your shadows on the wall, now I kiss them Whenever I'm down, whenever I'm down Figured I'm not figuring myself out Things aren't the same anymore Some nights, they get so bad I almost pick up the phone

Thinking about House grieving...augh. They make me nauseous.

7. Away Frm U (2012) - Oberhofer

This song is about resisting someone who is shutting you out to try and keep them afloat. It doesn't have a lot of lyrics. It's very Wilson though.

You're pushing me away from you And there's nothing I can do And I can't fight all of your battles for you

That's about it.

8. Everyone But You (2017) - The Front Bottoms

The vibe of this song is fairly cliche, but "I hate everyone but you" as a concept is so delicious. It's also a little bit about feeling numb, which is very House to me.

It doesn't get worse, it doesn't get better You just get old, it lasts forever Can't get happy, can't get sad It's hard to do When I hate everyone but you

It's so sad to think about how House just spends his whole life trying to be as numb as possible because everything hurts all the time, and the only one who is (somewhat) consistent in his life is Wilson.

I fell in love 'Cause no one saw me the way you did And no one's seen me that way since But for a short time that's how I lived

Again, this could be any House relationship (ESPECIALLY Stacy), but also thinking about post-Wilson death House reminiscing is so...argh.

That's all I have for now. I mean, I have more songs on my playlist, but this is all I feel confident enough to pick apart. Link to the full playlist here, though it is Apple Music so sorry if u don't have that lol.

[thighzp]

2024 Year In Review

Thank you to @0npurpose and everyone else who has tagged me in many variations of the 2024 year in review! Here's a wrap up of all my writing this year!

My details

My AO3: fullerthanskippy My fandom: Red, White & Royal Blue Total number of completed works for 2024: 52 Total word count for 2024: 107,590 (holy shit) Total hits for 2024: 151,546 Total kudos for 2024: 9,942 (AGAIN I beg you all to leave kudos!)

Oneshots

most popular by kudos: working overtime | 624 kudos

most popular by comments: young & hung | 24 comment threads least popular by kudos: tender | 52 kudos (only 240 words so I get it lol) least popular by comments: shower drain | 0 comments (there really isn't much to say, again, I get it! lol)

longest oneshot: running from the daylight | 11,372 words oneshot I'm most proud of: Artie | for obvious reasons most fun oneshot to write: better bite the bullet (baby take one for the team) | I had sooooo much fun writing the gun kink and I still want to revisit it in the future hardest oneshot to write: broke down or stranger things have happened | these are two I specifically remember during kinktober having to force myself to get the words out (that happens sometimes!) favourite title used: tough choice but if I have to choose one I'll go with | the mess that is Alex

Bonus …

Most unserious title: i'm having his baby (no i'm not but you should see your faces) | also longest title ever lmao

Multi-Chapters

my first multichap will be coming to you live in 2025 ;)

Questions

Events or challenges | Kinktober & RWRB Festive Fan Fest

Did you write more or less fic than you expected this year? | way, WAY more!!!

Did you take any writing risks this year? | so many, let's see just for a few examples: wlw, fisting, puppy play, piss kink, somno, gun kink, omegaverse, I mean I could continue on and on

What was the most challenging fic to write this year? | hands down running from the daylight (vampire alex AU), I started teasing it before I even started writing it and then I felt pressured to hurry up and get it out. not by any of y'all, but by myself. it's 11k words and I'm proud of it, but it shaped me into a much better writer for the multichap I'm currently working on!

What was your favourite fic to write? | probably wearing nothing but glitter and lashes because it was inspired by a huuuuge irl crush of mine and a very loosely based real life experience lol

Biggest success | kinktober IN GENERAL

Most surprising success | young & hung!!! I mean I loved writing it but I couldn't believe people were eating it upppppp

Biggest disappointment | I mean... (the things i do) when i picture you but it's not a surprise at all lol it's junora and if it's not firstprince, it just doesn't hit the same. also not surprised that two things can be true (taynick rpf) didn't do crazy numbers, people are touchy about it

Most surprising disappointment | none are really that surprising cause I usually know when it's not gonna hit for everyone, but I guess I'll say I expected know your audience to do better! I think people didn't like the twist or didn't believe it from the start?

What's something you learned about yourself as a writer? | I learned that PWP IS NOT MY STRONGSUIT!!! I need the buildup and that's where my rambling tends to happen lmfao

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? | obviously vampire alex au I'm feeling like a broken record, and I'll also add finishing kinktober is like... still so insane to me!

Fic that gave you the most trouble? | two that I just needed external inspo for because the words weren't wording were riding practice and mile high (these ideas were greatly helped by @judasofsuburbia lol thank you love)

Easiest fic to write? | suburban legends, one of my earlies fics and the words came easily in that little universe

Go to writing songs | I love having inspo playlists but I can't actually listen to music with words while writing, I'm too adhd/dyslexic for that

Go to writing snacks | usually coffee or red wine hehe

Any writing goals for next year? | only goal really is to finish and post my first multichap which is definitely going to happen!!! and otherwise I think just focusing on writing what I want to read/what inspires me and worry less about what will do numbers

Any fics in the work for next year? | of course! perhaps I'll give some insight into my current WIPs (even some y'all don't know about yet?)

age gap AU (multichap) neighbors/laundry AU young & hung sequel trans alex PWP a fic involving alex/martha as propositioned by henry/pip.... kink related age regression henry wetfic (and I bet y'all fuckin wish you knew what this one was about mwuahahaha)

***

it's been a crazy year. I want to thank @redlipstickandglitter and @firstprincehornyramblings for being my fucking MUSES, my EVERYTHING both when it comes to help/ideas with writing, as well as just wonderful fucking friends.

y'all have provided me so many spoons this year, and believe me, lately they've been mighty hard to come by! here's to even more words written in 2025! (but probably not... I'll probably never do kinktober again lmfao)

open tag for any writer friends who haven't done this yet! I'm serious - don't wait to be tagged, just tag me!!

[ghostclefable]

Made a bkdk playlist bc of mha 424 I hope y'all like it 👉👈 here are some of the highlights

Soon You'll Get Better by Taylor Swift. Katsuki in denial about Izuku's condition.

So Much (For) Stardust by Fall Out Boy. Katuski mourning the future he thought he had with Izuku.

Sitting on a Curb by Anthony Amorim. Izuku talking Katsuki through his fears of the future.

Grudges by Paramore. Izuku assuring Katsuki that he doesn't hold the past against him, and that he wants to be friends with him again.

Afterglow by Taylor Swift. Katsuki not knowing how to navigate a friendship with Izuku bc of his past behavior.

I Get It Now by Sammy Rae & The Friends. Katsuki realizing he's in love with Izuku. [panic ensues]

I, Carrion (Icarion) by Hozier. Katsuki reflecting on the war and pining over Izuku.

If It All Goes South by Sammy Rae & The Friends. Izuku realizing he's in love with Katsuki.

From the Start by Good Kid. Izuku pining over Katsuki and thinking his love is unrequited.

willow by Taylor Swift. More Izuku pining, "waiting for you to take my hand" I mean come on.

Your Stupid Face by Kaden MacKay. Katsuki pushes Izuku away, then Izuku confesses. (This is THE bkdk song you know it had to be here)

Ready Now by dodie. Katsuki learning to accept Izuku's love.

[ksksksrahrah]

[raiiny-bay]

redhead :-)

[altruistic-meme]

Jean at the end of chapter 2:

Jeremy at the beginning of chapter 3:

[nexus-nebulae]

every day i wish that Rats SMP was a cartoon bc it would make the greatest show ever i think