#i convinced myself i'm never gonna get into a relationship to either get those thoughts out of my head or to like prepare myself towards th

[dokjaism]

[illogical-kawaii-potato]

You know, it's so funny. So, every so often I go back to the posts I wrote years ago for certain reasons. This time, I was trying to see what themes are going to be relevant for the upcoming eclipse in libra which just so happened to have alst happen in March of 2016. So I know I was gonna run into my depressive posts. Reading them always make me sad cause I really was truly broken at the time. And when I think of my past self, all I can think of is how much olive she deserved and how much she deserved to love herself and feel whole. I wasn't so kind to her back then and I wish I was. She deserved so kuch more than she got. But it's also funny because at the time, all the posts were how about ho unhappy i felt on my relationship at the time. I really had convinced myself to stay because I thought he would change. And one post I said I would be sad about him forever and you know what..I am. Anytime I see him I get sad. Not because I want him back or anything but because the feelings will always be there. He was an important part to my growth and I'm thankful for the time I had with him, but I also can't believe I predicted always being sad when it came to him. I made peace woth it now. I don't f9rce myself to feel anything else and whenni have been around him the most recent times, I've been able to be cordial. It's just..so funny when I dove into the past. Cause I don't even recognize who I used to be. I'm overall happier and in a healthier place mentally. I respond to emotions alot better and I don't give up all the time, I just keep going. I do think about what it would have been like had I've felt the way I do about things back then and if that relationship would have survived i had I been mentally healthier but then I stop cause there's no point in what ifs. Those are answers I'm never gonna know because the reality is what I'm living through now. I still did not find anything for march 2016 either. Like my themes I'll be facing this eclipse season. I'm hoping I've learned the lessons from back then so the eclipse doesn't fuck me up.

[kidmachinate]

The Burned Bridge

(This has been scheduled since July 31st to post if things go as predicted. Was right on target, therefore no reason to delete or edit this)

It must be nice to have zero responsibility. Zero accountability. Zero care for anyone for yourself unless there is some potential benefit for you and chances are, it is to help save you from something. Funny how your reintroduction after over a year of not communicating with me over something you did literally started like this.

"Sorry it took this long to reach out but I need your help."

You got it. You blew it. Time and time again.

Finding this would indicate putting in some sort of effort to use the internet outside of mobile games, political YouTube videos, and content based on the games played that you just get mad at. If I'm honest though, it's a reflection of fourteen whole months. Eight and half spent unemployed and sometimes couldn't even bother to either communicate, come with around the corner somewhere, and plenty else I'm not gonna put out there.

The worst part? Even if I torch this bridge less than two weeks from now, it doesn't mean I hate you...but there was more than bills at stake here. You knew this. You took it for granted til the very end. In fairness, I told you to have your cake and eat it too because your days are numbered. Thought maybe on principle you'd at least think of doing something different. Nope. It's fine by me. You could have been homeless. I prevented that. At what cost to me? At what cost to me and my partner who already have our own stuff to work out? Hearing daily about lack of action in multiple regards and that's without even getting into much more personal shit.

When and if you wonder why and how things got this way, I hope you find this post. Remember our conversations...which despite all you've done to tarnish this relationship, I still cared a bit to make sure you're on the right path. Gave you suggestions because you never seem to have a plan. Something that is gonna come up again before you leave and I'll help. Unless you refuse help, which I see happening due to shame. Maybe it's pride. Who knows? Once you're out, it's not up to me. It's up to you. Thing is, I'm not leaving the door open. Chances are, if things keep going this way, I'm torching the damn bridge. It's up to you.

You've got a lot to figure out. This could have been the easy path to success. After over a year of waiting, I simply can't any longer. Smear my name if you must. It will only work with people who don't know me. Everyone knows the simple truth. You did this to yourself and have no one but yourself to blame. I'm not sorry. This was never my choice. My choice was made taking a chance on you again after you blew it before. I'll never make that choice again. I won't even give myself the chance to. The last favor I'll do for you even after all this is not giving you a name, but anyone close to me you've tried to convince I'm the bad guy will know exactly who I'm talking about, and that's on you.

I've been through some romantic shit before. Sometimes even including housing scenarios in which I wasn't the problem but knew to take myself out of the equation to not make things awkward for everyone else. I can only count on one hand the scenarios that cut deeper than this. I took a chance that denied my parts of my happiness and some access to my best friend. Paint me as the villain of you need to because I'll never know about it. Any possibility of a comeback here is gonna require lots of effort, effort which has been proven countless times, you are not currently capable of and I'm not likely to care once you do. For your sake, I hope no one comes after you for the problems you're in denial and/or running from that go beyond anything we talked about that led to this point. Don't repeat this mistake with who you have left, if you haven't already burned those bridges as well.

In fairness, you didn't burn this one. You wanted to hold onto what we had while continuing to disrespect my partner and I in our own household. As a result, as you exit our home, I'm torching the bridge.

[laconic-void]

hey hello, i'm also hyperfixated on the sandlot (it's been an on-and-off fixation of mine for years) and i would love to hear you talk about it

Oh my goodness gracious. Hello. Hi!!! It's like 11pm rn but I'll try my best! I am so sorry I didn't see this btw I'm not gonna be as active for the next couple weeks. Here's a link where you can watch the movie btw https://archive.org/details/the-sandlot-1993-vhs-full-60fps

Yeah so I first got into the sandlot pretty recently. My teacher showed The Sandlot 2 to my class several years ago and I only remembered it because I thought David Durango was hot (I'm 16 dw) so I watched the second movie again because someone uploaded it on youtube.

I thought it was okay but at that point I had never seen the first one, so I watched it shortly after and I was like wow!!!! This one is definitely a lot better! Then I watched it two more times in the same week! I'll include a bit about the second one at the end of this but anyway.

I headcanon Scotty Smalls as trans and autistic because I am so cringe because he reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger. I personally believe that the whole reason his family moved to the valley was to find a more hospitable environment for trans people and/or start over going stealth as male. He is shown without a shirt in the pool but he is pretty young, and puberty blockers started being researched in the sixties. Is it unrealistic to say Scotty was able to get his hands on some? Yes. But did he have a stepdad who had a baseball signed by Babe Ruth? Yes. My explanation is that Bill knew a guy, who knew a guy, etc. This would explain how Scotty doesn't know anything about baseball, and possibly why he doesn't have a cap other than the notorious fishing hat, which he probably borrowed.

For most of my life I didn't know I was autistic and had absolutely no idea about dyspraxia. I've been total shit at sports all my life, and Scotty is, well, he's getting there. The instructions he received from Bill were "move the glove where the ball goes," and Scotty obviously attempts to do that, but he isn't able to catch it. I'm not great at throwing, either. I can never aim right. Additionally, Scotty doesn't know what Ham is talking about when he asks him for a smore. "How can I take some more of nothing?" That scene was pretty spot on, as well as the one before it where Scotty actually says "oh, yeah!" too loudly while they are talking about the beast.

Speaking of his stepdad, I see Bill get mischaracterized a lot in fanfics. He's not abusive or mean to Scotty, they are "still getting used to each other." He really was busy with work when Scotty asked him to play, and I find it EXTREMELY hard to believe that he hit his eye with the ball on purpose. He did tell Scotty what to do to ensure his eye wouldn't swell anymore, and although he wasn't exactly begging for forgiveness, Bill isn't seen showing much emotion throughout the film. And Scotty explicitly says "I didn't have any trouble calling him dad all the time," so their relationship is pretty good. He did say "my stepdad is going to kill me," but he just swiped the most valuable object he owned and wrecked it, and that's generally a common thing for kids to say when they do something like that, even if it is obviously a hyperbole. In the end, Scotty was only grounded for a week.

I like Benny's characterization in the movie as well. Even if you ignore his compassion towards Scotty, you can tell he's a big softie just from the insults he tries to hurl. At the beginning, while the rest of the gang is getting creative, Benny only says, "base up you blockheads." Before the pool scene, Benny hesitates while he is trying to insult the others, and what he says isn't even that convincing. He also only says "Shut your mouth, Phillips!" in comparison to Ham's insults rolling smoothly off the tongue. Benny was originally supposed to say some of those lines, but I'm glad it was changed, because it definitely would not have made sense. The only exception is when he tells Yeah-Yeah he runs like a duck, which is still a pretty good-natured insult in comparison to what's said during the exchange with Phillips, but it shocks Yeah-Yeah so much that instead of starting his sentence with yeah-yeah he starts it with "kk." I find that interesting. He doesn't say that at all during the rest of the movie as far as I know.

That's all for the first movie I can think of for now, but here's some trivia you may or may not already know:

-A record heatwave was going through Utah at the time and Tom Guiry fainted on set. Unfortunately, this ended when the pool scene came around and if you look closely, you can see the boys' teeth chattering.

-Tom Guiry and Mike Vitar met up weeks earlier than the rest of the cast so they could establish a convincing relationship for the film. It worked and the other cast members thought they had been friends for a long time, and Tom and Mike still keep in touch to this day.

-Unlike most movies, The Sandlot was filmed in chronological order.

-There's a ton more here, I'm not 100% sure on the accuracy of all of it but it matches up pretty well with other websites https://www.daily-choices.com/everything-youve-ever-wanted-to-know-about-the-sandlot/44?xcmg=1&_d=d

Now I'll talk for a bit about the second movie, in my opinion, it is not a great movie, but here is the link if you haven't already seen it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIvIbS4__TM. Here's a paragraph defending David Durango I wrote on discord a bit ago (warning, it is a bit aggressive lol):

Guys I'll be real with you, the second sandlot movie kinda sucks, but I will NOT accept any hate towards my boy David Durango. And no, it's not just because he's hot, but because he's actually a decently written character if you stop viewing him as the wannabe Benny Rodriguez that the director tried to frame him as. Is he very nice to Smalls at first? No, but Smalls quite literally set the sandlot on fire at the beginning of the movie. Kind of a dick move. And it is completely fair that he wouldn't want him over there, because unlike Scotty in the first movie, Smalls has zero interest in baseball at the beginning, and he's a foot shorter than him and the rest of the team. Not to mention the little league team was threatening to take the sandlot away. A review I watched complained that it was odd for the kids to approach the team on their own field, but my interpretation is that they have been run out of different fields in the past, especially considering how strong their reaction to the girls is. Also, considering David was badly bitten by Goliath to the point where he STILL has the scar on his leg, it's only fair that he is experiencing some mental health issues. Given how afraid he is of the carnival and of other people seeing his scar, and his adversity to helping the gang get the rocket back, it's fair to say he has PTSD from the incident. The film takes place in the 70s, when mental health care was practically unheard of. It's unlikely that David ever received any effective treatment, and being laughed off by the rest of the gang was a very real possibility. Eventually, he does decide to help the rest of the gang, and he hops the fence and retrieves the rocket. In sandlot fashion Goliath chases him through the town, and he starts on a bike, which is admittedly less impressive than Benny going on foot the whole time, but come on, what would you have done? And he does eventually start running.

That's it for now! I can probably think of more stuff later if you want but I hope this was plenty for you to read!

[exploring-and-growing]

It's time

Well, it's time. Time I actually go seek help for my obvious mental illness. You know everything just seems so different these days. Like I never thought a day like this would come, yet it is tomorrow. Tomorrow everything changes. I admit that I am sick. However, part of me is unsure of how getting better is going to look. However, I'm tierd of feeling crazy. I'm tierd of trying to keep it together because I am afraid someone is gonna find out that secretly I am unstable. Who wants to be friends with the crazy girl? I have been sick for a long time. Probably over 5 years now. What do I do now? I'm afraid to get better yet I am also afraid to keep being sick. I don't want people to worry about me. I don't want to be a burden. I feel like seeking treatment makes everyone do that. It shows the world and all your loved ones, "HEY I'VE GOT PROBLEMS!!!" I don't want people to know that about me. I don't want to be some pitiful thing up on stage that everyone feels sorry for all the time. I am sick of it. I'm tierd of all the sad looks I get. Also why is everything so damn different. I can't tell if it is better or worse this way? It seems as if all my friends have left or will leave me. And that it is my fault that they all left. Everyone secretly hates me, and I am a constant disappointment. That secretly I am the bad guy in everyone's life, and even I can't see why. I'm either too loud or passionate or annoying or selfish or just stupid. I feel like everyone is just totally better at all this relationship stuff. I just feel stupid. Like my life is one big sick twisted joke that everyone laughs at. I desperately do not want to go to the doctor. I hate the doctors.

However, my fear of the doctor and getting better is trumped by my love for others and myself. I can't have people worry about me :(

I do not wish for people in my life to be oh so worried about me. I don't want everyone to treat me like some precious delicate thing that if they make one wrong move, I'm gonna end up killing myself or something stupid. I don't want people to feel responsible for helping me to get better. I wish people would just leave me alone and let me battle all this by myself. Sometimes it feels easier to be alone than to have others worry about you. However, I deserve friends and partners in my life. I can't let this silly sickness thing take that away from me or convince me I am better off alone. On the flip side, I can't ask those people to sit by and worry and watch me suffer. That is not ok or cool.

So, I'm going to the doctor. I'm taking about my biggest secret and boy am I not excited about it. When you have been sick for so long the idea of getting better seems stupid and silly and daunting. Why would I need to get better? I have managed to get by this long being sick. I've kind of gotten used to it honestly. Like for the most part, I think I handle things pretty well. I'm good at keeping secrets.

However, this monster in the closet is kind of scary. You know there is a reason I keep stuff locked away in that closet. I've just made it so far in life with this scary monster. Throughout the toughest of times, it was my only friend. No one else has even the slightest idea what I have been through. The monster does though. It sees all. I think that's why it is so scary sometimes. It knows too much. The monster lies though. It has taken me a long time to figure it out, but the monster lies. For a time, I needed some of its lies. The monster kept me safe. Or so I thought. However, me and the monster's relationship is quite toxic. At times it was helpful but most of the time it was hurtful.

Therefore, I have to say goodbye. I have to move on. I have to get better. I deserve to get better. I have conquered a lot in life, I know I can get rid of the monster too. I have to.

Is it possible to feel so many feelings at once.

[nyxopenjournal]

It's almost 4am and I'm still awake which means Thought Brain has turned on and I feel sappy which makes me emotional. Alternatively titled: Can't Sleep

Life is difficult and sometimes it's extremely hard to manage. I'm going through one of those. But I think I'm starting to get a tiny bit more hopeful about making it through. I don't think I'll necessarily be happy or get what I think, in this moment, I want but maybe I'll find a way to be content with what "is" instead of wishful thinking about what "isn't." I'm really trying to accept things as they are and not push further bc that always leads to me hurting. My depression fog that I've spent the last 5-6 months in is finally beginning to clear & I noticed that today. It's funny bc the thing that made me realize it is bc I guess I had been subconsciously paying attention to the way the grass grows and I'd never noticed it before. (The grass grows weird). And today I commented on it lol. I've been too preoccupied with my sadness to pay attention to anything like that. Grass growing. I'm still sad. I can't lie, most times I ignore it or it feels hollow & far away to a point where I can avoid thinking about it. But it is there. I can't do much about it at this point in time for several reasons but I'm chugging along. I'm trying to accept that others' happiness doesn't have to include me. And accept that that's okay. I might not be a lifelong person. I don't know anything about the future and not knowing how things will turn out is the bane of my existence bc my brain plays "what ifs" like they're game show topics for a prize. The prize is usually I end up depressed bc of my own train of thought. Trying to learn how to balance distance with care. What's the right amount of energy to give to a topic? How to be less "all or nothing" about everything. There has to be a balance or I'm gonna just make myself suffer for the rest of my existence and quite frankly, I've suffered enough. I'm tired of it. There are things I wish for that I've convinced myself are impossible. It's too late. Missed opportunities and such. That's been playing on repeat in my head. There are a lot of things that I'm told or I see that don't make sense to me and how I perceive the world, but I've also become the person who is so scared to ask questions. I didn't used to be like this. I'd question everyone and everything until it made sense to me. Now nothing makes sense and I'm always confused and I'm scared to ask. What sense does it make? It doesn't. But. It's where I am right now. I didn't used to be afraid about how big my thoughts were or how much I had to say or how many tangents I went on about a topic, but now I'm scared to say more than a couple words in fear of being annoying or convincing myself whoever I'm talking to doesn't care. So now it's just simple, dulled down thoughts. Which is unfair to myself honestly bc it's not like I've suddenly begun to have less complex thoughts and questions and feelings. I've just suddenly become overly terrified of sharing them so they roll around in my head until I have a breakdown. Outlets are nice. It would be nice to have a person to talk to but it's my own fault that I'm here right now. No one else's. I have to accept that. Maybe the part of my brain telling me I'm just not good for people and will inevitably fail at any platonic or romantic relationship is right and I should give up trying to pursue either. But I also still crave it so what do I do with that? It's not like I get it either way. I'm too scared to talk to people. It's been this way my whole life. I wish I didn't crave it. I didn't used to. But the older I get the more I do. Idk what to do with that. It's just where I am right now. I doubt it'll change. It's not like anyone is looking my way. I'm just floating around on a rock till I die. Epic.

[akechicrimes]

You have the best takes and I was wondering what an actual Akechi redemption would look like? Sending him to prison is a weird take I've seen considering the themes of power, corruption, and manipulation of youth, and quite frankly it's just boring and lazy from a plot/character standpoint. I imagine the first step would be talking to Futaba and Haru (and others who were affected by his actions) but I'm not sure what would happen after that.

ok firstly THANKS i do my best yellin into the tunglr void

second “Sending him to prison is a weird take I’ve seen considering the themes of power, corruption, and manipulation of youth, and quite frankly it’s just boring and lazy from a plot/character standpoint” is the SEXIEST sentence ive ever read re: goro and thank you for putting these words in this particular order i want it framed, truly it makes zero sense whatsoever

third thanks for this super duper cool question because weirdly enough i havent…………….. really thought about it before??? ive seen more than a few really interesting goro redemption arc fics but if i were gonna do one myself………………….. hmmmmmm

ok ok ok ok ok ok i will. do my best. big psuedo revisionist fanfic under cut

a redemption arc needs to address the wrongs and hurts that he’s done, as well as just generally other noxious junk. to rattle them off so we know what we’re working with, he

killed wakaba (unknown circumstances), which hurt futaba

killed okumura, which hurt haru

assisted shido in his rise to power

assisted an unknown number of other douchebags like shido in their rise to power

killed an unknown number of other douchebags

created psychotic breakdowns, involving casualties and potentially some deaths

was generally a shit on live television

lied to sae.

betrayed joker.

and from there he needs to address these in such a way that his character grows and is better for it.

simultaneously i think it’s important to weigh the opposite issues, which are the ways that akechi is either right or has a valid point, the ways that akechi has presumably been mistreated/abused by people around him, and just generally following through on seeing akechi become happier and healthier for having gone through a redemption arc. in no particular order, he:

apparently desperately craves approval/recognition from others, but not in a productive way (sorry the TV audience does not actually love you lmao!!!!!!!)

has some kind of complicated relationship with shido to say the fuckign LEAST, and i think addressing that angle of shido’s abuse is important

really suffers from his inability to be honest with just about anyone; how deeply he’s hidden his true self has not only exacerbated his loneliness, but it’s done so in a way that i think should be really understandable to any one of the thieves, who also need to hide their true selves and feelings when in public

is 100000% correct about how much shido should eat shit and die

does have a valid point about how dangerous the phantom thieves are, and, in irony of all ironies, probably is a good critic and moral barometer to make sure joker doesn’t go over any lines

is canonically the character who is most unafraid to go against joker’s orders

is smart all absolute FUCK while maintaining an attitude of FUCK COPS

so with all that in mind:

i’d say, the engine room confrontation happens as SOON as they enter shido’s palace. not necessarily specifically in the engine room, but that confrontation happens off the bat. the phantom thieves take two steps into shido’s palace and find that they can’t go anywhere–everything’s locked, or off limits, and the whole place is under more surveillance than any palace they’ve ever seen. sojiro was right when he said that shido’s paranoid as fuck.

they try to leave the palace for the day to regroup, and akechi’s there like a guard dog ready to defend shido’s psyche. why wouldn’t he be? he must have planned that perhaps the thieves would retaliate like this, whether or not joker was alive.

that whole very embarrassing breakdown happens. haru and futaba already canonically seem in favor of akechi rejoining the team, so although haru does say she won’t forgive akechi, i do think that doesn’t need to be at odds with them being in favor of him working with the team.

so, say, akechi’s on the verge of being convinced to work with the team, and he’s not necessarily all in on this whole “being alive” thing, and he’s not super convinced that he deserves redemption, but the phantom thieves really really really insisted, because the phantom thieves can and do change hearts, even when they’re not in palaces, and they’ve just changed akechi’s. 

cognitive akechi doesn’t show up because i’m using him later.

first thing: akechi, haru, and futaba need to have a talk, which is actually pretty easy and not even irrelevant. go through shido’s palace, get the letters of rec, everyone recognizes akechi. like haru in okumura’s palace, akechi’s practically their ticket into half the ship.

getting the letters of rec naturally brings up okumura and wakaba, imo, because it hammers home that these sorts of scumbags are the kinds of people that akechi was killing. and also that this is the kind of scumbag that okumura was, in life. have haru go through the five stages of grief all over again, like she did back in okumura’s palace, realizing that her father kills his own employees for the first time. have her struggle all over again to reconcile the father she loves with the father who died with the father who murdered and exploited and drove his employees to the brink of death. have akechi face that even the people he killed were people, too.

depending on your interpretation of wakaba, she was either just as corrupt OR she was genuinely a nice woman, but that can be addressed in a bunch of ways–akechi didnt know what he was doing at the time, or he totally did but didnt feel like he had any other choice–either way, some sort of contextualization of wakaba’s role in shido’s conspiracy needs to be unearthed. 

say futaba wants to know what her mother was like. say she asks akechi because akechi knew her, maybe knew wakaba better than futaba ever did, because futaba was young and also because futaba never spent a few days literally crawling through her mother’s psyche like akechi did. make akechi tell futaba about the woman he killed with his own mouth. maybe he tells her only the good parts. maybe futaba MAKES him tell her the bad parts. maybe futaba thanks him for it, and akechi figures out that an apology could never be enough.

the point, basically, is to use shido’s palace to have haru, futaba, and akechi come to terms with each other. forgiveness isnt necessarily the point–understanding is more important. haru and futaba come to understand how and why akechi did what he did, while akechi has to sit through several weeks of looking his victims in the eyeballs.

for extra bonus points of making akechi look his victims in the eyeballs, personally i think that futaba would be the most supportive of all the phantom thieves of akechi turning over a new leaf. she canonically tells him that “it doesn’t matter where you start over” and relates his struggles to her struggle to turn her own life around, and honestly i think sympathy would fuck akechi up the most.

meanwhile, in the real world, capitalize on akechi’s position: if he’s deep in shido’s conspiracy, it really only makes sense that akechi could locate the people they need rec letters from in the real world, and use that to find their cognitive equivalent in shido’s palace. show me akechi’s relationship with shido, founded on akechi trying to appease shido and trying to avoid shido’s wrath simultaneously. 

maybe shido’s closing in on the phantom thieves in the real world. he suspects that things haven’t gone according to plan. make use of the fact that shido trusts (to an extent) akechi’s word, and have akechi cover for the phantom thieves in the real world. 

maybe show me shido actively manipulating akechi with praise. show me the greys of that relationship, like how we saw madarame treat yusuke well, or saw sae at her best and worst with makoto. show me how difficult it is for akechi to continue to help the phantom thieves even while actively engaging with his own abuser.

make akechi a traitor to shido. being a traitor was his role, wasn’t it? to betray the thieves? just have him betray shido back. he’s good at being a traitor, isn’t he? akechi probably volunteers himself for the role. let him capitalize on his ability to lie and outsmart those around him. let him make it up to joker in the only way that akechi feels he can: even more lying.

get all the rec letters. akechi himself hands shido the calling card. confront shido–cognitive akechi is there and just as much of a bitch as always. show me how much disdain shido has for akechi, how little he thinks of akechi, how nasty he is–and how blindly adoring cognitive akechi is in return. it’s gross as all hell, but it’s a final nail in the coffin to haru and futaba’s grieving process, even forms some sort of solidarity. 

there’s half a second where akechi is in the position to kill shido. shido’s shadow is down, akechi’s got a gun, he could pull the trigger before anyone could stop him. futaba tells him not to. 

haru tells him that he can kill shido if he wants to.

everyone’s like HARU??? HELLO???? but haru says, as far as i’m concerned, this man is just as much my father’s murderer as akechi-kun is. if you want to, i won’t stop you. but i know that it’s harder to survive than it is to die, too.

akechi does not kill shido. they steal shido’s treasure and return to the real world.

at this point in the canon plot, yaldabaoth starts to happen really fast, but bear with me for five seconds–bring sae back on the scene. shido confesses, and akechi’s reputation goes up in smoke. people call him a fraud, people won’t stop talking about shido being his dad, akechi’s name gets dragged through the mud worse than back when the PT were at their most popular.

sae takes up prosecuting shido’s case, and akechi can’t avoid her forever when he’s supposedly a key witness. sae says, i’m going to give you one chance to explain yourself. you lied to him, you tricked me, you pretended to be my partner all that time and then ran rings around me. talk.

so akechi explains himself, even though half that stuff isnt permissible in court. he doesn’t butter her up and he doesn’t use his cutesy prince mask, and for the first time sae sees him as he really is. and sae says, those are some pretty serious offenses, akechi, what are you going to do now? 

akechi’s just gone through that whole bonding session with haru and futaba, during which akechi had to realize, ah, shit, i fucked over the lives of these two very nice girls and even inflicted the same trauma that i myself went through onto other people. so akechi tells sae, well obviously i don’t fucking know, i dont have a career, i might be expelled, and i’ve killed a shitload of people and there’s no way that i can make up for that. but if i could, i would want to do something to right the wrongs that i did–i’d want to address the murders i committed, and maybe do something to fix it.

sae says, you’re smart as all hell, what you’ve done is irrevocable, you know your way around the police and its corruption, you’re willing to do better and you know how hard doing better is going to be. i’m the same way. i might not have killed anyone, but i’ve ruined the lives of so many people in the name of my career and a distorted sense of justice. if you want to do better, i could use a person like you. what do you say that when this case is over, we become partners for real, this time?

akechi says, but sae-san, what about your reputation, what about your career, wouldn’t it be bad to have a fraud like me by your side?

sae says, i didnt have you as a partner the first time around because you were stupid. use your head, make it work, and maybe i’ll buy you sushi off the conveyor belt someday.

case number one is prosecuting the shit out of shido. sae said they’d be partners after akechi is no longer a key witness, but at this point, being a key witness is basically like being her assistant. sae’s there every step of the way while akechi gets shoved through the public wringer. i say, make him lose all his public fame and reputation and more, everything that he thought he wanted, and he come out with sae’s respect, akira’s support, and the phantom thieves on his side.

the trial starts to stall because of yaldabaoth’s influence, which then brings us to that whole reveal about yaldabaoth using akechi as well for yaldo’s own ends. yaldabaoth offers the p5 vanilla bad end, in which the phantom thieves continue on and become incredibly famous and eliminate most crime because they just change the hearts of anyone who does anything halfway wrong.

i say, let the thieves deliberate on that one. all of them, not just joker. it’s not actually a very bad deal, necessarily; it’s just vaguely skeevy and authoritarian. let’s say, akechi is the biggest opposer, and points out that if akira goes down that route, akira will be doing exactly the same thing akechi did for so long–using his power for his own self-satisfaction, power unchecked and out of control. let akechi use the fact that he’s akira’s “rival” and outspoken critic to good use. akira tells yaldo where he can stick it.

fight yaldabaoth, win. sae takes akira into custody. akechi makes good on his deal with sae, and both of them work together to use akechi’s testimony, akira’s testimony, and shido’s testimony to nail shido and clear akira’s name. 

from there, flash forward to the epilogue in the same way that it happens in canon, except akechi is now sae’s lackey and she’s overseeing his efforts to undo whatever damage he did to all the nameless people he’s hurt over the years. she’s going to become a defense attorney, and akechi’s probably going to become her assistant and later paralegal. both of them are committed to reforming the justice system for the better and addressing their past wrongs.

im actually big fucking mad at how little i had to change about persona 5 canon to make this redemption arc work. @ persona 5 royal meet me in the pit.

[exclipssesss]

You're perfect, no matter what he says about you. [x reader]

Headcanons of all my current fav characters from different fandoms. This was supposed to be something just to emotionally heal me. So this does kinda based off real life experience, except the part where the bois comfort me, man why can't i buy these guys in ebay as my legal husbands?

Characters involved: Alastor [Hazbin Hotel], Lafayette [Hamilton The Musical].

Would probabpy make part two with other characters uwu

Warnings: Cursing, Physical abuse, Parental abuse, The mention of Anxiety.

Summary: S/o never had a great relationship with their dad, and after another fight (which ended horribly wrong) someone decided to comfort them.

Alastor.

Hazbin Hotel.

You were in the Hotel, coolio. Basically you were chilling on the couch when suddenly you fell asleep, and after a few hours passed you woke up to find yourself in your room with blankets covering you, you were confused on how you get there.

You then get out of bed and noticed charlie calling you, probably a new demon that wanna check into the hotel.

You saw a demon that is kind of similar to you but wAy more big and looked kind of scary, he was holding a cigarette. At first you shrugged it off since having the same form of a demon can both mean you guys have made the same sin, or you are related.

You didn't really mind it at first until you asked him to sign in to the hotel, and he looked at you as if you're stupid. He laughed that everyone draws their attention to the both of you, you laughed with him to avoid being awkward.

"You do realize that i am nowhere wanting to go to this stupid ass hotel right? Pathetic, demons wanting to do some redemption just to go to heaven? They can't even take their own consequences of being a dick. Yeah no bitch, i ain't going to this hotel, especially if it filled with pussies"

You stumbled back, he was similar to you but is nothing like you. Yes you swore, a lot, but not this harsh. He basically scowls at you and you just gave him a light glare back. He didn't seem to notice it tho.

Then, it snapped inside your head. No wonder his voice was so familiar. You looked at him and took the chance to find out, if it is true, then you're probably double dead. But you convince yourself that even if he tries to hurt you, you were at the hotel, someone is bound to help you.

"Um, oh, i forgot to introduce myself.. I'm [Y/n] [L/n], nice to meet you.. Sir.."

And you were right. His eyes was wide for a second before it was replaced with disgust, he yanked your hand and you almost lost your balance.

"Of-fucking-course you are. Now wonder your voice reminds me of some bitch. No surprise seeing you here in hell tho, you were always nothing but a disappointment. Even god thinks so."

You basically trembled as eyes were sticking on both you and your "father". He then let's go of you harshly and you stumbled back before falling, demons around weren't helping either. Although some of them gave you pitiful looks, so you decided that maybe they just too scared to interfere. I mean, you would too.

"See? Pathetic. Even as a demon you're trash, and now you're trying to do this whole hotel thing? HahaA--"

Something pulled your dad back, and he was met by a pair of a sickeningly dark pair of eyes that you've known too well.

"Excuse me sir, but I'm pretty sure that that kind of behaviour is not allowed here."

Your "father" was surprised to see Hell's one of the most powerful demons defending you, he almost gives out a somewhat proud smirk, only for it to turn into a scoff. Thankfully, he was decent enough not to mess with Alastor, as he immediately got out the doors and hopefully not coming back.

"My dearest, are you alright?" oh and he comforts you throughout the day too, he almost swears to kill your dad (if that's even possible) but you immediately told him not to.

Either way, he is precious and would do anything for you. Would recommend getting yourself an Alastor, 10/10.

Marquis de Lafayette.

Hamilton: an American musical.

Hamiltime.

(I'm changing the writing style just becuz I'm in the mood)

You just got back from a long day hanging out with the Schuyler Sisters, and also the boys of course. Funnily enough, you and Peggy get along really well, and for the boys? Lafayette's definitely your favorite. Actually he's more than just your 'favorite', you're not even sure yourself, you just felt safe and nice inside when you're around him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

A familiar deep voice that you've been scared for so long spoke up, you stopped dead on your tracks, trying to look calm. You then turned around to be met with a pair of deadly sharp and dark eyes piercing through you, in which you quietly gulped in response.

"I'm sorry i came back late, dad. I was with the Schuyler Sisters and-"

"You really think I'll believe that lying mouth of yours?"

Those words caught you off guard since you are, for a fact, not lying. You really were with Angelica and the others, and so you gave him your 'what are you talking about?' face, and he did not like that. He approached you, and you slowly but surely walked backwards, in hopes of getting away from him. When he was only a few inches from you, he spoke up again.

"Don't you fucking lie to me, who was that man with you? Who the fuck was he?" His voice low with growl as he fixed his sight to yours. You took another gulp of your own spit as he was starting to push you into a corner.

"I wasn't lying! I really was with The Sisters, that boy is just one of ou-"

Slapped

You could feel the hot print on your left cheek as it was burning with pain from the sudden hit, you hold it with your arm. This time you had enough, it was enough living in a world where girls don't have any rights, and you were absolutely not gonna let this man use that against you. Even if he is your blood.

"I'll ask you again, and this time i want an answer, not a rambling about some nonsense you pulled out of your ass."

You looked at him dead in the eye before finally giving an answer.

"Marquis de Lafayette. There, you have it. May i go now?" You said with disgust and anger lacing in every word. This made your so called dad shut up, before forcefully yanked you away. You ran to your room and find yourself falling asleep while crying, at this point all you wanna do was die. With all the smell of cigarettes and alcohol, you basically almost puked, and you still can't believe your mom left you with him. When you woke up, you checked the time. 11:36. At this rate, you could barely sleep again, and you didn't want to be in a house with that jerk anyways, so a brilliant-yet-kinda-dumb idea came to mind. You got out of the house quietly, you didn't want to even try spending the night there anymore, and to be honest, you didn't know where to go.

You could visit the Schuyler Sisters, yes, but going to the Schuyler Mansion at this time of night? Maybe not. You couldn't go to one of the boys' house either, that's just weird. And you didn't want to look like slut. So your thoughts just came to that one place, the place you and the rest of the gang met. The place where you and Lafayette met. The bar. Plus it's open twenty/four hours so it's not like you'll be trespassing.

And so you did what you thought you did. You go there, at first you thought that you would probably be alone in the bar considering how late it is, and that's a good thing considering the red burning mark on your cheek haven't left yet. But nope. The bar was actually kinda noisy, you looked inside to see Alex and his friends there getting drunk, and so you tried to avoid eye contact and go back outside. Well that was your plan until a certain drunk frenchman called you out.

"Mon amie, (Y/n)! Why are you here at this time of night? A beautiful mademoiselle like you shouldn't do that~" Lafayette slurred almost every word as he is drunk. You stopped dead on your tracks and turned around to smile at them, using your hair to cover the bruises left on your cheek. As you looked closely, you could see that Alexander is probably the only sober one out of the group, and not actually drunk.

"Yeah (Y/n), why are you here? Oh, you can come join us if you want to." Alex, the only stable one at the moment continued.

"That's a great idea Al! Come, mon amie! I'll buy you a drink."

Lord tell me how to say no to this-- But seriously, you wanted to go so badly but you barely even could walk out the moment you saw that smile. And so you just had to walk back, which all the boys cheered on.

"What's wrong, (Y/n)? You're awfully quiet,"

"Yeah, most of the time you're basically the one who can't shut up."

"Yo, talk if you want a free booze."

And yet you kept silent, although a silent chuckle can be heard only by yourself did rang through your ears. The boys were starting to get worried, especially with your new hairdo that covered half of your face.

"Huh, someone's actually denying free booze, something is wrong" Hercules said as he rubbed his nonexistent beard, Laurens just tried to swipe your hair away but you quickly slapped his hands away as soon as it was near your face.

"Sheesh, no touching your new hair, i get it. No need to slap me for it." He said with almost looks like a pout, this time the frenchman was asking you questions, and you didn't want to answer. But in the same time, you don't have the heart to ignore him.

"(Y/n), please, tell me what's wrong.. Why are you covering your face?" and now, you also wanted to die. That face, that damned face, god why can't you just ignore it like anyone else's? You let out a sigh as you finally lets all those emotions loose. Tears were pouring down your face almost as fast as Hercules chugging down a beer, and you could barely took any control of them. You buried your face in Laff's shoulder, him petting your head as you realease all your burdens and tears at the same time. The others were stunned, but is confused on what to do, so they just wait for you to stop crying before saying anything that could make you more emotional, if that's even possible.

You wiped your tears, and when you go to wipe the remaining liquid on your left eyes, you unconsciously exposed the big red mark on your left cheek. Boy, little did you know that they'll immediately turn into interrogators in less than a minute.

"(Y/n). What is this?" Hercules' voice rang first with what seems like anger, second came Alex, with his voice that sounded way more than just 'worried'.

"Who the fuck did this?" He said as he tried to put your hair behind your ear, you avoided his touch and just sinks more into Lafayette's embrace, who's weirdly being quiet through this, although his gaze didn't seem to left you at all.

"(Y/n), Let us take a look. I can't believe someone actually did that to you." It's true, you never told anyone about your 'daddy issues', you didn't want to gain any pitty. Time went on and it's almost One AM now, Laff's gaze didn't seem to have left you, in fact, they were stern, it didn't helped the fact that he haven't said anything in the past hour.

You ended up getting cornered and so you told them, about everything that was happened last night. They. Were. Furious. It didn't surprise you though, if your friend were going through the same thing, you'd probably ready to murder someone too.

"(Y/n), does zis 'ave something to do with me?" You immediately flinched. The reason you were slapped was because you didn't want to tell your dad about Lafayette, and he basically could see it through you. He immediately cursed himself, blaming everything that he thought he did wrong. With a little explanation and help from Alex and the others, you got him to calm down and kissed him in his cheek. In which he responds with a blush acrossed his face.

In the end, Lafayette asked you to stay with him for a while and said it was "the least he could do." Basically you were treated like a princess, nothing major happened other than cuddles and venting, he would pat your head and hold you close when you started crying. Sometimes he would kiss your forehead and says sweet nothings to you. He insisted to sleep on the couch while you took the bed, and ever since, the guys would act like your brothers, especially Laurens and Mulligan, they would actually shower you with new dresses and act proud whenever you and Lafayette had "a step forward". (They became your personal wingmans too.)

Not long after, The schuylers took you in, or more like - dragged you in. Philip Schuyler had left the Mansion to his daughters, and so which give them the opportunity to make you their roommates. You four would just chill at night and trash talk your dad when wanted to. (courtesy of big sis Angie™).

Alex on the other hand, was determined to make your dad looked like a fool, even though you told him countless times that he didn't need to do that. He would write about your dad with headlines like "Man Treats Daughter Worse Than Slave" or something like that. In which you laughed about, somehow you still feel bad about the amount of hate your dad gives, but you also feel as if he deserves it for hitting you all those years.

The last but not least, Lafayette. The man asked you out after you moved with the Schuylers, he said he's lonely now that you're not with him and he missed you, he also said that was the time he realized he had feelings for you. You immediately said yes and have been courting with him ever since. Honestly he's just the embodiment of love and cuddles, and you love him for every support he gave you.

[dapper-ships-herself]

@dokiqx @raudrfox2

The answer changes a bit depending on the s/i, so I'm gonna start with more general and like personal and then go into my s/is.

Dazai and I both, let's say wrestle with certain feelings about life and the world around us. When it feels like you're adrift and very little matters, it helps a great deal to have someone to ground you, and that's Dazai and I for each other. When the world is cruel, we can reach out our hands and feel the warmth, and through that feel safe and real. Neither of us are used to letting ourselves be fully vulnerable to the people around us, we're always masking something, maybe not for entirely the same reasons, but we are. Our relationship is when we both let those walls fall bit by bit, letting go of fear and trepidation. He never even thought he could feel real love before, both of us had thought we weren't worthy of it.

And Dazai is a genius, he's amazing and confident in his abilities, he can see straight through pretty much anyone, so I think why would he even want me, I'm so boring and predictable, I'm not a fan of taking risks and putting myself out there. But Dazai sees all my good qualities, he appreciates my strong empathy and my compassion, he sees how even though I struggle with my own worth I put so much worth into the lives around me, and I have a fun way of thinking about a lot of things, I'm creative bright even when I think I'm not. I become like a fresh, sunny spring day for his soul. And Dazai, his hands are so stained and his mind so jaded, even as he works to redeem himself and be on the side that saves people, he thinks there's too much darkness to ever truly be washed away. But I know that even though he's done a lot of bad, what matters most is what he's doing now; he's trying so hard to be good, to move away from the darkness that only acted as a negative feedback loop for him, that was never good for a boy with a mind like his. He is actively trying to be a good man, and I remind him of that. Neither of us are ever going to be perfect, but that's fine when we're together through our flaws. And through it all, we help each other see the beautiful things to live for.

Okay, now let's go into some specifics for the s/is.

ADA! Gillian has been through some pretty deep trauma with the loss of her little sister when they were kids, and at the time she thought she'd never ever recover from that and stay in the emotionless darkness forever, but with the help of Fukuzawa and Ranpo and the other agency members, she was able to heal. Despite the guilt and trauma that still sticks to her, how easy it would be to write the world off as simply cruel and uncaring, that's not her style. She loves the world, she loves the people in it, she knows that there's darkness but that only means that the rest of them should try their hardest to spread as much love and compassion as they can to balance that out. To Dazai, her unwavering light is strange but so calming. She's so strong in her determination to protect her family and everyone and everything that needs saving, it really touches something in him. She teaches him that it's okay, that they deserve to laugh and love and live, and she helps show him how to actively view the world for it's good parts. Even if someday it's hard, some days she's sad and can't forget the past, some days she tries very hard to push away the anger that festers in her at the unfairness that abounds, she still tries and now they can stand by each other's sides and try together. And he also knows what it's like to suffer and lose the one person who's most important, and he helps her confront the guilt that still clings to her, in fact that's something mutual. And she also, even though she accepts and appreciates her ability for how it lets her help people, it's also an ability that takes away a person's free will and can cause a lot of destruction, and she is afraid of the inherent evilness of it, and though Dazai respects how she's made the concious choice to only use it to help people, he sees her fear and helps her accept it.

Mafia! Gillian and Dazai probably have the most complicated relationship of all. Neither really wanted friends or saw the use of them, but they became each other's first real friend after he joins the mafia. They connect and resonate in a much stronger and more natural way than either were really prepared for; and then they were part of the quartet with Ango and Oda too, and she loved them all. She could be quoted as saying the three of them were probably the only things keeping her sane in the Port Mafia. And then she went away on a mission for a few weeks, no contact with her friends, and suddenly that little slice of joy she had was shattered, Oda was killed, Ango had been a double agent the whole time, and Dazai had abandoned her without so much as a good bye, much less and explanation. It sent her to a dark place for a while. She wanted to hate Dazai, and she certainly felt bitter, but she couldn't bring herself to hate him; how could she, really. She disliked being in the Port Mafia, but not only does she feel she'd have no where else to go, that if she left she'd be leaving her father, Ougai, aka the only person who's ever seen to genuinely want her around and stay that way, but her ability is literally to control darkness and too much light literally causes her pain and discomfort, it's clear to her that she was born to forever stay in the world of darkness and never be able to stand in the light. When she and Dazai eventually meet again four years after he left the mafia, there's a lot of complicated feelings too work through. She's bitter and angry and can't understand why he'd leave her like that if their friendship really meant anything; Dazai thought it was the right move at the time, he justified it to himself by reasoning that he knew she felt chained to the mafia and he had to leave quickly and cleanly in order to successfully rid himself of his dark past, he couldn't risk waiting for her to come back from her mission and having to convince her. But, really, he was afraid. After all, he's convinced that everything he desires will slip through his fingers the moment he obtains it. If he tried to hold on to the happiness she brought him and selfishly took her with him, he'd only bring her ruin some other way, and he wasn't deserving of her. He genuinely does regret it though, and it's not easy for him to admit that he was wrong but he knows that this is one instance where he was so terribly wrong. They have to work through these feelings in order to get anywhere, and she also has to realize that she does have the capability to step into the light, which she does partially with Dazai's help. There's a lot of fighting through the bullshit to finally be together.

Jekyll! Gillian takes the stuff mentioned earlier about always masking some part of ourselves to the extreme. Her ability, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, literally manifests her jaded view of the world into a physical creature of chaos, aka Hyde. And she rejects Hyde hardcore, that's why she's so unstable, destructive, and difficult to control, as well as hates her in return. She puts on the sugariest of sweet faces to try and mask this darkness, but Dazai is able to see it. He recognizes her mask easily, because he's basically doing the exact same thing. Eventually, after a lot of plot haha, they're able to help each other let go of their facades a bit and better accept themselves for who they are. They find this kinship in each other that honestly makes it easier for them to let go of their guards at least a little bit. They both hold a lot of jaded darkness with themselves, and they've both done some pretty terrible things and dirtied their hands, him in the mafia and her in the Order of the Clocktower, and they were both able to break away from that to try and become better people, and that's really nice for them to be able to relate to each other.

Circus! Gillian is, true to the name of her troupe the Circus of the Disillusioned, disillusioned about much of the world. It's dirty and cruel and not on your side. But, the circus always promoted family, the whole reason Voltaire formed the troupe was to attempt to not lay there and accept their wretched fate, that they as humans should try and create at least small pockets of a world more right and colorful. And this ideal stays with her. So yeah, they're both not huge fans of the world, but she has a more innate desire to change that, and she believes it's the duty of humans to fight through and not back away from the world through means like suicide (does that make sense? Trying to word it properly). So she actually is pretty, hm, disgusted is too strong of a word to use, she clashes a lot with Dazai's suicidal jokes. And she's too tsundere and jaded herself to outright be all flowery ~I will help you~, but that sort of discussion is a theme between them early on. Their abilities are foils for each other as well, Dazai is an ability nullifier, she's an ability amplifier, and that sort of reflects their views too.

Guild! Gillian at first seems to have the most innocent view of the world, after all she's rich and spoiled by her father, Francis. And she acts rather carefree too, like someone who's always been secure and never known difficulty. But she has known pain, and there's more than a naive rich girl beneath the surface. She's cunning and knows how to read people, she's been trained in the art of business since she was a child and had it drilled into her that you must never roll over for the world. She's also been taught that she's the daughter of the great Fitzgerald, which means she's meant for greatness too, and she hides it from her father but that's left her with a desperation to prove herself and live up to a great big shadow. But she's genuinely kind too, she loves the world for it's flaws and wants to support the people in it. So yeah, they're ways of thinking clash a bit, but at the same time they work perfectly in other aspects. At first, it's more like he's interested in her for the sort of contradictions she poses, but he starts to genuinely respect her and admire how she chooses to see kindness and work for it, how she takes things in to her own hands to make the world she sees in her mind real. And she respects him for his intellect and eventually for his resolve once she learns of his past. And respect is pretty much the bud that will bloom into love.

There's a lot of fighting to find the light in the dark and acceptance of ourselves.

I hope this was all coherent and not to rambly ha.

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Occupational hazards

Barry Berkman x Reader

Three part series: It was just another job, he doesn't even had to kill anyone, but the way she looked at him was more dangerous than the bullets.

Part I Part II Part III

Angst with a happy ending

Warnings: Violence, cursing, blood, stalkers.

Part II

Adrian's face smiled at you in the mirror, she was a nice looking woman, a few years younger than you, yet ten times more of a functional adult.

"Reservations are at 10:00 for brunch, and your... friend is waiting in the living room" Her voice had an ounce of disgust referring to Barry.

"Great! He is on time, and please don't be so harsh on him, I'll be down in a minute, chat with him, he is nice" She rolled her yes at you and walked out of your room, you knew she meant well and it made you happy having someone that caring around, even when this time you have lied to her about the true nature of your relationship with Barry.

You finished fixing up your hair and put on the summer dress you had picked up for you date it was the middle of June and it felt nice to have a reason to leave the house well dressed beside the fear that one of the many paparazzi lurking around would get a picture and sell it to a magazine with a stupid title.

And on the other hand even when you don't want to admit it, you were desperate to spend more time with Barry, you were not sure if he changed his mind out of pity, ambition or if he genuinely wanted to help you, but there was something about him so interesting you just needed to know more.

"You look beautiful" His del voice and the compliment take you by surprise "Shall we?" Even when chivalrous things like offering his arm like that or opening the car dormant nothing to you, it felt nice coming from him. "There was a bug in your living room, in the lamp next to your couch" He said once you were inside changing his voice back to the monotone he had used the day before and you felt a bit disappointed that his flattery was a lie.

"You know what? You are fired I'm going to kill him myself" You said jokingly, shaking that feeling away "How on earth did that psycho put a microphone in my house? I'm going to destroyed that shit the minute I get back" you started driving faster without noticing, the road helped to calm your nerves.

"Oh that that won't be necessary" He said showing you the small device crushed in his palm. "I crushed before Adrian could see"

"Then what you said earlier..." You started confused.

"That was a compliment, do big actresses don't receive those anymore?" He asked and youu could see a small grin on his face.

"So you met Adrian?" You better change the subject before things get complicated.

"I did, how much exactly did she knows? She send me an email with your address, and a few notes about places you like to go and stuff like that but she didn't mention anything else" He was looking at the road and you suspected he haven't see this side of L.A. before.

"Well, she knows I'm from Columbus, so I told her you were a childhood friend that came to work here as an extra in a movie I had a small role in, that we reconnected over emails and that now we wanted to explore more of that feelings" a complete fabrication but she had believed it and that made you feel worst about lying.

"I'm from Cleveland, but that would do. So you finally didn't tell her the truth?"

"I couldn't, you were right, is better if less people know" you were already at the restaurant so you allowed the valet to take away your car and you took his hand cautiously waiting for a reaction but he didn't pull away and just started walking in "How did your boss take it? That you end up taking the job?"

"Fuches is not my boss" He said again exasperated, just what you intended, there was a cute frown on his forehead when he do that "And he is happy, he didn't want to work with you either, so now he can ignore the whole thing and simply change his work number."

"A true dream that guy huh?" Even whit the heels you have to look up to him every time you talked to him.

"He is... terrible" He said after struggling to fine a compliment for Fuches "But just like you feel about Adrian, he is family." He talked low so only you could listen and you both walked behind the waitress to your table, in the open area of the restaurant. He opened the chair for you and wait for the waitress to walk away to ask a question that clearly was trying to get in the conversation since earlier "This Maverick guy, is he dangerous? Did he ever beat you or..."

"Or?" You said rising a brow but he couldn't get the words out "He is not that stupid, he wouldn't do anything that could physically incriminate him, but he was rough in verything, I really don't like to talk about it". Your palms were sweaty and the knot on your chest start tightening.

"I'm sorry" He said seeing your obvious discomfort "Is just that I have a friend, and I think she is working with him"

"A friend?" You asked very interested and it was his turn to be uncomfortable "Look Barry he is a bad men, I won't sugarcoat it for you, but it all depends on how known she is, he preys on extras and new faces with promises of big parts, but if she has a talking named role he probably would leave her alone."

"She is one of the leads I guess, is that movie of the moms that get divorce and fall for each other?" He said relieved with what you have said.

"Fantastic Richard make a movie to make everyone around him believe he is a feminist and I'm here paying a men to make me look like a decent woman" you said bitterly "Don't worry she would be fine, he would be the most perfect gentleman for everything about that project to cover his ass, your friend is safe" you reassure him and the waitress returned to take your orders, just when you were desperate for a drink.

"Are you ready to order?" She had a big smile with white teeth and bright pink lipstick and you could see her checking out Barry without discretion.

"Two black coffees please" He said before you could speak "I want the mushrooms omelet and the fruit cocktail" He said giving back the cart.

"And you madame?"

"A whites only spinach omelet, thank you" You said and she walked away no without giving one last look at him. "Coffee?"

"Decent women don't drink at 10 am" that actually made you laugh and he was pleased with your reaction "But actually there is somewhere I would like to take you after this and it would be better if you are completely sober" You gave him an intrigued look but he didn't say much else about it.

You eat in a comfortable silence, and you studied his face and his movements, how he keep moving his cup on the table and how he drink never taking the cup by the handle, like it was a glass. Then a loud ring interrupted the moment and you could see your least favorite person name popping up in the screen, you were going to turn the phone off but he took it first.

"Hello?" He said casually "Hi, I'm Barry, who are you?" you couldn't hear the response but you were almost sure he should be mad. "Oh that is not possible, she is very busy at the moment, right sweetheart? Do you want to leave her a message? Oh look he hung up" He give you back the phone and you immediately turned off. "Adorable guy".

"He is going to be pissed" You said with a big smile on your face "Thank you"

After the meal he took the car to drive outside town, there was something relaxing about it, that deserted area away from everyone and everything was definitely a place where nobody will follow and you felt completely safe next to him.

"Fuches told me how you get his number" he said opening the door for you. "And I invited someone here that may be happy to see you again" He said pointing at a man a few yards from you, he was wearing a hat to hide from the sun and a black best, but you could recognize his pale skin almost instantly.

"Hank?" You asked and he start approaching "Oh god is you, I'm so happy to see you.

"Y/N! This is gonna be so much fun, when Barry said he was working with you I was so excited" He said smiling and holding both of your hands.

"Wait a minute what is going to be fun exactly, and do you know each other?" You asked but it was obvious that they did, wich confirmed that NoHo Hank was everything but an ordinary men.

"Of course we know each other, Barry trained my men to be as good as him and take down the Burmeses but then he went crazy and kill them all. But hey! Water under the bridge right Barry?" He talked about murder an mafia the way he talked about color schemes for small rooms, and you could see just how dangerous Barry Berkman's world really was.

"You worked for the Chechen mafia?" You asked Barry.

"As a consultant" He said with indignation "Let's get started, put this on" he said tossing a bag with Gym clothes from Lululemon "I .... I guessed your size" He said a bit embarrassed.

"What exactly are we doing here?" You asked him and looked at the clothes, it was a nice purple sport bra and matching leggings.

"Well your ex is an asswhole, and I'm not that sure this plan of your will work, but since I can't stay at your place all the time to stop him for get close to you, I thought it would be good if you learn to defend yoursel" He said confidently. "Also I made some recon around your house this morning, your window is facing a blindspot on a roof perfect for someone to watch you from there" You remember the insidious calls from Richard and got chills thinking he may have been watching you from so close.

"Decent women don't drink at 10 am" He said sarcastically, making you laugh "I'm kidding, I actually want to take you somewhere else after brunch, and I'll be better if you are completely sober" he said with a playful look on his eyes that was enough to convince you to quit drinking...at least for that week.

You went to a small tent they have set up and put on the work out clothes to start, sadly your physical shape was no match for his, and after what he called just warm up you were sweating and panting. But you felt touch by the gesture, and your heart start holding to the illusion that he may not be doing all this for the money.

"Come on, like you mean it!" He said after you tried to hit him on the groin with your knee but stopped midair not wanting to hurt him.

"Hit him baby! Barry can take it" Hank said cheering you up, he was not actually helpful but it was nice to have him around.

You close your eyes and try to concentrate on Richard, on all the pain he caused you and how much you have sacrificed to get away from him and then you hit him again this time with all your strength, and even when Barry was way stronger he bend with paint for a moment.

"Barry? Oh shit I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" You start looking at him while he still had his hand holding his hurt manhood.

"No, it's fine" He said gasping for air "That was good, now do it to Hank" he said and start laughing watching how Hank went even paler. "Oh fuck that hurt" He said no longer holding his weight and Hank run to help you stand on his feet.

"I think that's more than enough, come on big guy I'll take you home" You said and helped him back in the car. "Thanks man" You said to NoHo Hank and offered your hand but he went for a hug.

"Barry is a good guy, he could be good for you" He whispered in your ear and you nodded with a blush in your face, either you were being obvious or he was just that sensitive.

You drive to your place in silence, except for you asking him every few minutes if he was okay. You helped him to your couch and went to the kitchen to find him some ice and an ibuprofen.

"That went well" He said once you were sitting next to him on the couch and he took the pill "Now make sure you do that if that son of a bitch comes near you"

"You can be sure I will, but seriously apart from probably keeping you from being a father I have a great day" you really meant that, maybe it was the way he looked at you or the way he spoke but he made you feel safe.

"I should leave" He said then putting apart the ice pack, "I have to work in the morning and I'll go to the hospital to make sure I don't have an hernia" He said and laughed at your concerned face "I'm kidding, I'll call you" He stood up and he gave you a handshake but following your instinct you pull him closer to kiss him on th cheek, he didn't move nor say anything but gave you a timid smile and just walked outside.

The peace you felt that night, that would extend for the next month was intoxicating, for the first time in a long time you went to sleep without worrying what would the tabloids were reserving for you in the morning, even when Pop sugar had a vicious article about the "Mysterious man taking Y/N on dates in L.A." the next morning, Barry made you happy, and maybe the only cloud in your sunny day was that your relationship wasn't real, it had an expiration date and a price tag attached to it.

Week after week you tried to keep you from falling for him, forcing you to remember how you actually met, but despite the fact that he was in fact a murderer he was a good man, and even when he called himself a bad actor he was excellent at faking caring for you, at holding you in his arms at the beach and giving you his jacket so you wouldn't get sunburned.

He mastered the art of making you believe he get nervous when he would get at your place earlier than planned and you would be walking around in a see trough sleepwear dress. And you have to force yourself to believe that a tender kiss on your forehead in public was just part of his job and meant nothing because otherwise you would be done when he left.

On the bright side was that people were talking about you two and the insidious calls and the nasty presents and threats have stopped, and since one friend of yours on Variety wanted an actual exclusive on your relationship by mid July you agreed to give her a candid interview about how marvelous your life was since Barry came along.

"Nervous?" You asked him and stop a minute to admire him in his old Marine uniform, you never quite get the kink about it until now, he did look amazing and the unholy thoughts in your mind were about to make you blush, you even had stop smoking to make the lie believable but god you could use one now.

"Not really, it's just weird I haven't use this in years" It was all part of the photoshoot that will go with the interview "Thankfully it still fits"

"You can always take it off and that would get attention too" You wink at him, your more efficient form of coping with your feelings was being extremely flirtatious, at least that way he would think it was a joke.

"Hi, I'm Danielle" the reporter said and shake Barry's hand once he was out of his uniform and you both were siting in a nice couch with the cameras around you. "First I want to say that you guys are a lovely couple, and it's such an honor that you allow this space to talk about it"

"Thank you for having us" strangely you felt actually nervous and when he notice you rubbing your hands together he took it one on his and hold it tight. "With all the things that are out there even when I like to keep my life private I prefer to tell the truth once before it hurt my relationship" You said, as you both have practiced for the last three days, your friend Charlie had been nice enough to send a copy of the questions to Adrian and you have choreographed your answers, now she would asked about how did you meet.

"So Barry tell me, all this media attention have had any negative impact in your life? How do you cope with being called a walking purse, as some headlines had said?" The question came out of nowhere and Charlie that was sitting behind the cameras was looking as baffled as you, and ypu could imagine who may have something to do with this.

Barry stay silent for a second that felt like an hour and then he finally spoke with a composed tone.

"When I first move to L.A. I have this delusional idea in mind of becoming an actor, and I used to think the spotlight was the goal, but then when we started dating I realized how damaging that could be for someone, the amount of pressure people put on women is insane, look ar this beautiful and wonderful women next to me, people should be talking about how great she is acting, how far she has get on her own, and how much she does for her community in her free time, I'm nothing, just an extra in a couple of commercials and a clerk in lululemon. If they want to call me a purse be my guest, nothing would make me happier as long as people give her the recognition she deserves"

If the interviewer was mad she didn't show, but that passionate speech was enough to make her back to the scheduled questions and the rest of the interview went smoothly.

"Well that was interesting" Barry had a sad smile in his eyes when he dropped you at your house "I think I overstepped, I'm sorry"

"Don't be, thanks for having my back, I froze I should have said something". It had make you feel week again and that was hurting you.

"Is fine, well good luck tomorrow" He said referring to the Emmy nominations that would be announced in the morning and that you had actually forgotten about.

"God you are right, well another reason to keep me awake I guess" Your mind formed an idea and you were not able to shake it and since he didn't respond you took your chance and went for it. "Would you like to stay? I mean I'm to anxious to sleep and I have some movies we could watch"

He looked completely taken by surprise, and he went dead silent, for a moment you even feard you have gone too far and that he might be mad at you for saying it.

"I would love to, we can finally watch one of those movies you always talk about" He walked in front of you to get in the house and you followed him more happy than you have ever been.

[beautiful-rebellious-sunflower]

Hi! So I'm trying to convince a friend who isn't really a fan of Abby that she's a precious cinnamon roll. What evidence/arguments/gentle nudging would help to show them the light? :)

You know what? I started writing out a whole long essay of feels about Abby Griffin and why I love her so much, but I realised anything like that was gonna be WAY too long! So here it is condensed into handy bullet pointed list form!

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  DISCLAIMER

Someone not liking Abby as a character is fine! I don’t expect my fave to be everyone’s fave, and sometimes you get a character who just rubs you the wrong way and you might not even be able to explain why. But, since I was asked, these are some of the reasons *I* love Abby Griffin, and some responses to common criticisms of her (many of which I genuinely think are deeply unfair and based on ridiculously inaccurate interpretations of her character)

Onwards!

she’s a talented Doctor and Scientist

she designed the wristbands! the whole ‘sending the 100 to the ground’ thing was LITERALLY HER IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE THERE WOULD BE NO SHOW without Abby Griffin

“the most respected person in this camp" 

when Clarke destroys Mount Weather she immediately wants to use all that tech not for killing Grounders like Pike does, but for opening a hospital and healing Grounders and Sky people alike god whatever happened to THAT storyline btw??

saves Nyko’s life

saves Raven’s life

saves Lincoln’s life with an amazing smart, brave moment of sheer shocklashing badassery, and by doing so…

becomes the first person EVER to bring back a Reaper!!! Thus enabling Clarke to win an alliance with the Grounders and presumably becoming a legend with them because she LITERALLY BROUGHT A DUDE BACK FROM THE DEAD YO INDRA DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT

saves Finn’s life long-distance over the radio (look we all have our faults but Clarke, Raven and Octavia are equally to blame for this one so no foul to Abby)

saves Marcus’ life under the rubble of Tondc

saves Roan’s life when he’s shot

…literally are you getting my point half the people in the show would be dead if it it weren’t for her

keeps Ontari alive (and thus helps Clarke save the world) by CRACKING OPEN HER CHEST AND MANUALLY PUMPING HER HEART look even Murphy was impressed by that

she’s super badass and incredibly brave even without resorting to violence and killing like other characters

willing to go to jail and the airlock (!!!) multiple times to try and save the people due to die in the Culling

willing to fire herself at the Earth in an ancient rocket cobbled together by Raven just for the chance that she can prove the kids are alive

goes to meet Indra, a heavily armed enemy warrior leader, alone and unarmed, and doesn’t back down even with a knife held to her throat

climbs into the rubble of Tondc to save people even though she herself was safely out of it

saves Raven’s life (again!) by taking the chip when ALIE makes her cut her wrists

saves Jackson and Miller’s lives on Science Island by distracting a drone

she’s a devoted, loving and good mother (FUCK YOU I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL)

kind of a surrogate mom to Jackson who lost his mom at a young age

clearly wants to adopt both Raven and Murphy too

willing to move heaven and earth to find Clarke and protect her

stands up to Jaha to back Clarke in season two even as he tries to have her deposed and thrown into the stockade because…

“I have faith too. In my daughter.”

also in season two, defers to Clarke and gives up any chance of finding survivors from the other Ark stations to focus on rescuing the kids in Mount Weather

understands why Clarke left post-season two and even though it’s clearly hurting her she doesn’t try and drag her back before ‘she wants to be found’

look I don’t want to go too far on this because some of the time Abby DOES show poor judgement and go overboard in trying to protect Clarke?? I can’t deny that but honestly if the worst u can say about Abby Griffin is that she loves her daughter too much then you’re reaching pretty badly tbh, considering other characters have list of faults that literally include ‘torture’ and ‘genocide’

she’s a woman of extraordinary integrity and deeply held ethics, but also pragmatic and not stupid about it

“You don’t have to justify yourself.I broke the rules and I accept the consequences”

she ALWAYS does what she thinks is right…but she also NEVER shies away from the consequences

horrified by what Clarke does in letting Tondc be bombed…but keeps the secret anyway because she knows it’s necessary

deeply hurt by Clarke’s coup in S2 and shocked at the change in her daughter…but steps aside for her anyway to avoid more bloodshed from an actual fight

haunted and grief stricken by her beloved husband’s death…but was the one to turn him in, because she believed that risking the life of one person she loved couldn’t outweigh the risk of many more lives being lost by his actions

she’s the kindest, sweetest darling

befriends Raven, sees potential in her and treats her as an equal and an ally

besties with Purest Cinnamon Roll Jackson

sees the potential in John Murphy

respects and trusts Lincoln as an advisor when she’s Chancellor

constantly torn between worry and pride for her wayward daughter but would do anything to keep her safe 

forgives Marcus Kane for all the bullshit he put her through and ends up being his biggest supporter and ally and helping him to become a better man

constantly trying to heal everyone and save everyone even though she knows she can’t

constantly trying to find solutions that don’t involve violence and death

wracked with guilt for things she couldn’t have forseen and couldn’t change, worries that she isn’t a good person and doesn’t deserve to survive

led Arkadia in three months of real peace, turning a ramshackle camp into a growing, flourishing home even while dealing with her own personal grief over Clarke being missing

doesn’t get enough sleep

her smile is like the sun coming out from behind the clouds

Abby Griffin in conclusion

she’s incredibly smart

she’s extraordinarily courageous

she’s self-sacrificing

she’s kind and compassionate

she’s passionately driven and principled

she’s willing to get her own hands dirty

she takes care of everyone even though no-one ever takes care of her

she has to try and be a leader AND a doctor AND a mother all at once and even though it means she’s constantly overworked and has to make impossible choices, she willingly bears the burden of those responsibilities

BONUS ROUND UNDER THE CUT!!! Common reasons people give for disliking Abby, and my response to them! :D

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  DISCLAIMER THE SECOND

Again, this is all just my opinion, and I don’t want to start an argument with anyone who disagrees. The ask here was ‘what evidence/arguments would I use’ so I thought a useful thing would be to lay out why the common arguments of those who don’t like Abby as a character do not sway me personally. My intention is to counter these criticisms with my own thoughts on the subject, not invalidate them.

Onwards!

**

“She’s an overbearing mother who doesn’t believe in Clarke’s leadership and competency even though it’s been proven again and again. She constantly tries to protect her when Clarke can clearly take care of herself and is trying to Get Shit Done without her mom’s interference.”

This is probably the most common one, and honestly I’m afraid I’m gonna have to repeat myself from my point above - if the worst thing you can say about Abby Griffin is that she loves her daughter too much…assuming that most people who make this argument love Clarke too, it seems like a bizarre reason to dislike Abby?

It also strikes me as oddly lacking in context. Overbearing parents can suck, sure, but…Abby Griffin isn’t getting mad about her daughter staying out late partying with friends or getting poor exam results. Abby Griffin is a mother desperately trying to prevent her only child from being brutally killed, or turning into a cold, ruthless killing machine herself, or else just ending up so broken and emotionally scarred that she loses her forever in another way.

These are not unreasonable concerns. These are things that happen to characters on this show!

Abby doesn’t want to lose her daughter. She doesn’t want her daughter to be hurt. She doesn’t want her daughter to have to make the terrible choices and unbearable sacrifices that a leader in Clarke’s position is so often called upon to do. And you know what? In her position I wouldn’t want that for MY daughter either! Is Abby selfish to want to spare her daughter these burdens? Maybe. Is she naive to think she can continue to protect Clarke under these circumstances? Almost certainly. But I can’t find it in my heart to blame her for trying.

Another thing I would really like to point out here that I think is often shamefully overlooked is that this is a flaw of Abby’s that improves with time. Yes, Abby does often question Clarke’s authority in season two and she is stubborn and open in her dismay at the change in her daughter that the Ground has wrought. But as time goes by Abby consistently backs Clarke and defers to her time and time again - standing up for her against Jaha, prioritizing her friends in Mount Weather above finding other Ark survivors, keeping the secret of the Tondc bombing…by the time season two ends Abby has come to terms with the person Clarke has become, and throughout season three and four she is nothing but a supportive and staunch ally to Clarke’s plans.

When they disagree on something Abby will always speak her mind, and when Clarke is in danger Abby will always try to protect her…just as any mother would, and as any of Clarke’s friends would. But if there’s one thing Abby Griffin has, it’s unwavering love and faith in her daughter. Clarke is clearly the person Abby cares most for in the world, and their relationship is one of the most important in the show - whether they’re at odds or working together, that relationship always makes both Clarke and Abby more interesting and more sympathetic to me. It feels like a genuine shame to me that some people find it a cause for resentment towards either of these characters instead.

**

“She’s reckless and doesn’t think through the consequences of her actions. She gave Finn a gun and he slaughtered a Grounder village! She smashed that machine in season four just to save Clarke when the entire human race was at stake!”

Actually I somewhat agree with this one! One of Abby’s faults throughout the show is that she often acts impulsively and makes unilateral decisions to do what she believes is right. Sometimes she turns out to be right…sometimes not. Either way this is something that makes me like Abby more as a character - she’s fallible and human! She makes mistakes! She’s so single minded about protecting her daughter that it can blind her to other concerns!

It makes her a much more interesting character, in my opinion, than an Abby Griffin who is unequivocally Right All The Time. As something of a moral compass for the show, it would be very easy for her to be boring, and having that stubborn, reckless streak makes her far more fun to watch. Give me morphine-stealing, black-market-dealing, do-whatever-it-takes-and-lie-through-your-teeth-to-get-what-you-want Slytherin Abby Griffin any day!

Because…at the end of the day, everything Abby does, good and bad, is done out of love for her daughter, and responsibility to her people. She’s not always right, but she is always - to paraphrase Jake Griffin - ‘doing the best she can.’ And I can’t help but love her for that, and root for her to succeed.

**

“She slapped Raven that one time.”

Yeah, that was a dick move. What, you expected something different? Just because I love Abby doesn’t mean I have to blindly agree with everything she does! As it happens, I share the opinion of a lot of people who think the writing for the show was at fault in this instance - I don’t think that slap was AT ALL in character for Abby to do, but that’s a discussion for another time. Assuming it IS taken as canon…yeah it was a total dick move. I hope (and genuinely believe) that Abby apologised to Raven afterwards. 

But again, I can’t help but think…if the worst charge you can level against Abby Griffin is ‘she slapped someone who didn’t deserve it one time’ then in the context of THIS show that speaks pretty well of Abby, to be honest. Of course it’s absurd to argue that any bad thing Abby does is just fine because other people have done worse things but…just…it’s not unreasonable to get a little perspective here, maybe? This one instance of Abby doing something admittedly unpleasant and unjustified to Raven in a moment of stress is nowhere near enough to cancel out the genuine and loving friendship the two share for the rest of the show, and seems like a pretty thin reason to Hate Abby Forever, especially considering all the awful things literally every other character in the show has done at one point or another except for my precious son Jackson

So although I agree in principle, a lot of the time when people trot out this particular argument it feels a lot to me like playing on everyone’s love of Raven to try and get them to hate Abby…which leaves a nasty ‘pitting women against each other’ taste in my mouth, to be honest.

So yeah, I don’t like this scene. I don’t like what Abby does in this scene. I won’t make apologies for her behavior here. But what I like least of all is anyone who tries to use this scene as some kind of unforgivable indictment of Abby’s character, when it is quite clearly exceptional and uncharacteristic behavior for her; something never seen before or since.

It was a dick move though.

**

“She killed her husband!”

*sighhhhhh*

I don’t hear this one a lot these days, but I really don’t know why it ever comes up at all as a reason to hate Abby? I mean, I can’t believe I have to spell this out for people because it is all explicitly laid out for you on screen in the show, but here in handy list form:

Abby clearly and demonstrably loved Jake Griffin, was terrified that he might be killed for exposing secret information and begged him not to do it

when he refused to back down, Abby confided in Jaha about his plans, because she genuinely believed that Jake was going to doom everyone on the Ark by going public, including Clarke

Abby and Jake were both personal friends with Jaha, and Abby believed that he would not execute Jake - a reasonable thing to think, as Jake had not yet committed a crime and Jaha HAD the power of pardon and was more than willing to use it on Abby when she later broke the law to save HIS life (hey fuck you Thelonius by the way)

when this did not happen and Jake was executed anyway, Abby was clearly and demonstrably horrified and grief stricken

even though Jake Griffin’s death was neither her intention nor her fault, she still obviously bears terrible guilt for her role in it and will have to live with the pain of losing the man she loved every day for the rest of her life

…seriously, this is all there on screen. Why some people persist in portraying Abby as some kind of cackling murderess who happily shoved her husband out of an airlock is beyond me. She trusted the wrong person and made a terrible mistake; an attempt to save lives that ended up losing the life of someone she loved deeply. It was a tragedy for everyone involved, born of the choices made by several different people all acting out of the best of intentions. Abby never came across as anything but deeply sympathetic to me when I watched this storyline play out on screen, and I’m just baffled that anyone feels otherwise? What show were you watching?

“She’s old and boring.”

Hey: fuck you!

Ok so not a lot of people straight up come out and say this, but a lot of the hate towards Abby Griffin really does seem to be because she has the audacity to be a woman over forty on TV. If you hate Abby because she displays characteristics or acts in a way that you would be swooning over if given to a sexy young man in his 20s, then the problem is a whole lot of socially ingrained ageism and misogyny, and there’s not a lot I can do to persuade people out of that.

~**~IN CONCLUSION~**~

A lot of people have different reasons for not liking Abby Griffin as a character, just as is the case for any character in any work of fiction. Some of them I can understand, even if I don’t personally agree with them. Some of them I think are both unfair and unreasonable. However, at the end of the day, all I can do is try and explain my own reasons for Abby being my favourite character, which I have done at…uh…some length. WOOPS.

I love Abby.  I think she’s an interesting character,a  sympathetic character, a vibrant and complicated and vital character. She’s someone I look up to, the kind of person I would like to be. And it bums me out to think that there are fans who just don’t like her, or simply don’t care about her, and that I will probably never be able to change their minds on that.

But there are plenty of people who feel the same way I do too. So Anon, if you are still reading this - and frankly I wouldn’t blame you if you had given up some time ago - my advice for you is this:

Agree to disagree. Talk to your friend about characters you both love in the show. Ask them to keep an open mind about Abby, and try to find out why they just haven’t warmed to her in the way you presumably have. And if you ever want to flail over our smol cinnamon roll science babe queen…there are plenty of us ready and waiting to join you :)

[franeridart]

hey fran, i really love you & your art!! i fell in love w your bokuroteru tattoo au after reading it through, and then i found your bakushimas and i love them so much! you're actually the reason i found the motivation to start bnha lol and i'm really glad i did, so thx!

Thank you!!!!!! So much!!!!!!!!!! For liking my stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *O* and you’re most welcome, I’m super happy you’re liking it!!!!!

Anon said:I love dragons and I love kiri and I love your art so that post is like all three of my favourite things rolled into one, B L E S S.

I’M GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:your traditional sketches are so cool!!! i feel like it kinda adds like depth to it or something but like those are so neat what if you lined some

Thanks!! And I’ve actually thought about that, but I’m not much a fan of going back on stuff I already posted... it’s more probably I’ll just go back to the concept and draw more instead of lining those haha

Anon said:FRAN UR TRADITIONAL ART IS SO CUTE OMG ITS SO GOOD (also DRAGONSSSS)

GAH I’M SO DAMN HAPPY YOU GUYS ACTUALLY LIKED THOSE OH MY G O D S

Anon said:voltron third season is cOMING SOON AS IN TWO DAYS AAAAAA ARE U EXCITED?

Anon... my pal... my dear friend... I don’t know how to break this to you but... I haven’t even properly watched s2 yet...

Anon said:i started reading bnha bc i wanted to understand your art better, and I gotta say it's a really great series. thanks for inspiring me to read it. finished the manga today and my favs are definitely kirishima, tamaki, toshinori and fatgum. actually I knew kiri would be my fave anyway bc 75% of why i got interested in your bnha drawings was bc of him...he's just?? so good?? that aside your art is incredible and your characterizations of the bakusquad are perfect. you're super cool, keep doing you!

I’m!!!!!!!!!!!! aaahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you so much oh my god ;A; I’m happy you decided to try it, I’m super happy you ended up liking it, and I’m indecently happy you actually do like Kirishima!!!!! BOI!!!!!!!!!!!! He needs all the love he can get, the pure son ;A;

Anon said:your art is so good wth!! everytime i get the notif that you posted i get so excited!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!

Anon said:The fuck is shitty ab these traditional art pics. They're good, everything u do is good, don't play blind u perfect shit

Tough love! Sometimes this comes around my inbox too haha it’s fine anon, the reason why I rarely draw traditionally is that I never feel like I’m done with a drawing when I do, feel incomplete for however much details I put in because tbh there’s always more I can do on them, so with shitty I mostly meant “incomplete” lol going okay this is finished is something I don’t know how to do with traditional doodles hah

Anon said:yo what happened to your hand bro?

Therapy with my dermatologist that ends up giving me blisters on one of my fingers! It’s nothing serious, but makes arting sorta hard haha

Anon said:You should draw more kiribaku kids it had me really interested and brought out my happy

Should I 👀👀👀 an ugly word, let’s try with could next time shall we - that said, seems like yall really did like something that for me was a one time thing! I might get back on them in the near future, just because that post seems to have blown up way more than I had anticipated haha

Anon said:ahhhhhhh i absolutely love your art. i've been feeling very irritated lately and your kiribaku / kiribakushima art really helps calm me down.

This makes me super happy to know!!!! Oh my gods!!!!!! I hope life has stopped getting on your nerves in the couple days it took me to answer, anon!!!

Anon said:Headcanon: kirishima plays dream daddy

To be honest I don’t know anything about that game aside from “it’s a dating sim” and “it’s gay”, but either way to me it sounds more like something Kaminari would play hahaha

Anon said:Hey Fran! I recently caught up with the BNHA anime thanks to you (still have to get around to the manga) and I loveeee itt so much (pretty much adopted like 20 kids😂) have a lil question tho, in your AU/bnha comic thingy are Bakugo and Midoriya finally like... "okay" friends? Or is Bakugo still acting like he hates the poor boy? Thanks in advance and also absolutely love your art~😍

WEEEEHHHHYYYYYY I’m glad you decided to check it out, anon!!!!! But, I’m sorry I’m gonna need you to be more specific here since I don’t have any “ongoing” AU for that fandom atm - exactly which comic are you referring to?

Anon said:I've been restraining myself from going on Tumblr to once a month max for like a year or so now because it was exams and then I had a new year (MY LAST YEAR) of high school to worry about, and I know me. When I go on Tumblr, I stay on Tumblr for literally an entire day. Or more. And then I accidentally stumbled upon your stuff today and wasted (thoroughly enjoyed) a day of scrolling through your art and asks. I never knew I shipped bakushima so hard until today. Thank you for your beautiful art.

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’m so happy you decided to use your one day for my blog omfg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so so much for this ask, it made me really super happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:do you know the song that is playing when endeavor is fight the winged nomu? ive tried looking for it but I can't seem to find it. thanks if you know it. its fine if you don't. btw you're amazing

Eeep sorry anon this ask is so old omfg I hope you found your answer somewhere else - also because I’m actually the worst person in the world to ask about soundtracks orz so, like, double sorry o

Anon said:A cute kirikamibaku thought to hopefully help cheer you as you wait for your hand to heal again: the three of them going out to a restaurant and Denki trying to subtly convince the other two to order something he wants to try when he can't decide what he wants to eat. Whenever he succeeds, he ends up eating just as much off their plates as his own.

This has actually been cheering me up for days now so thank you !!!!!!! Also because I’ve been thinking about Bakugou giving in but making it super spicy out of spite and honestly that’s the funniest thing hahahaha

Anon said:MATSUHANA🌸🌸🌸🌸

IT’S INDEED A SHIP THAT EXISTS! A GREAT ONE TOO!!

Anon said:I can't stop thinking abt that one anon that sent you "Batsuki Katsuki" and I'm losing my fuckin mind over it oh my god but anyway hello I love ur art I hope you have a good day ( ˘ ³˘)♥

THANK YOU!!!! I hope you’ll have a great month, anon!!!! *O* and also tbh same I randomly remember it and laugh by myself thank you anon for that gem I’m never getting over it haha

Anon said:I live for your bakukirikami art. I never had an ot3 until these boys, and they're just so so good. Do you think any of them ever gets insecure/jealous about the other two's bond in the relationship? I feel like if anyone would it might be Denki? But I dunno, because the way you portray them I like to think that they all actually just love watching each other be cute and bond and stuff.

Yeah that’s how I see them!  You know how, like... when you’re friends with two people and they’re friends with each other and you look at them being silly together and you’re like boy I’m so glad I have both of you in my life and that I can have you both at the same time and that you can be silly and adorable and happy together too - that’s exactly how I portray the bkk, only it’s romantic instead of platonic haha

Anon said:Your art has inspired me to write some BakuKiri / KiriBaku bless!!!! I'm also writing KiriBakuKami as well, thank you so much for the gorgeous art!

THIS IS THE BEST SORT OF ASK!!! THE BEST!!!!!

Anon said:Hello! It's the anon that asked about posting your art online for the first time. Thank you so much for answering my questions! That means a lot to me. I'll definitely take your advice. You made me feel a lot better about posting my stuff online. I'm gonna go ahead and draw the things that make me happy and,, hopefully I'll find people that like it like me!

AAAAHHHHHH I’m happy I could help!!! And I’m sure you will, anon!!!!! I hope you’ll be able to have a great time in whatever community you decide to be part of *O*

Anon said:I was feeling slightly uck but then I was like "you know what would make you feel better" and I just started scrolling through your blog and HONESTLY you are a blessing I feel a lot better and lighter and looking at your blog is literal self care for me now I love you and I hope you have a fantastic day

Sob thank you so much for this ask ;A; aaahhhhhhhh!!!! I’m so happy I can help you like that and this made me feel great back when I first read it (and also now that I’m rereading it, honestly!!!) so thank you for making my days better too, anon!!!!

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Buster

Bea: Is it true? Buster: Do you wanna be more specific or do you want me to guess what you mean? Bea: Buster Bea: Did I not make myself clear, did I not implicitly tell you to slow down Buster: Yeah, but this isn't about you, mum Buster: I didn't do this just to annoy you, like Bea: Well I wasn't telling you for myself Buster: Well, I don't need the warning Buster: It's fine Bea: No, you did but you haven't listened Bea: Jesus Bea: putting aside the real issue here, you should be saving for Uni, if you want to go to America that won't be cheap Buster: I'm going to Trinity, it's already been decided Bea: You haven't even got your conditional offers yet you have to keep your options open Buster: They'll offer me a place Bea: Do you even want to go there or are you just going because it's near her Buster: I wanna be with her so it's the same thing Buster: I'm not gonna go miles away Bea: It's not, you need to pick the best University for you based on what you want to do Bea: nothing else Buster: She's got things she wants to do too, I'm not asking her to put her life on hold Buster: Besides, I've toured it, it's a good school Buster: Calm down Bea: I'm not concerned about her life Bea: it's yours, you need to do what's right for you Buster: I am though Bea: Are you? Bea: Or are you being short-sighted Buster: I'm not asking you to be happy about it, but I am Bea: For now Bea: less so when this all falls apart and you're stuck that close to them all Buster: That's not gonna happen Buster: But it's nice to know you're so convinced it will Bea: One of us needs to be realistic Buster: How is that the realistic option? It didn't happen to you and dad Bea: It still could've Bea: and we still went to the Unis we wanted to go to and did our own thing Buster: And it nearly broke you up Buster: I can succeed at any uni Buster: I like Dublin Bea: This is beside the point Bea: we've never said we're a shining example Buster: What is your point, mum? Buster: You're not gonna change my mind Bea: My point is you're being really stupid Buster: I'm not Buster: But unsurprisingly, I don't care if you think so Buster: I've made loads of mistakes but this isn't one Bea: We didn't work this hard for you to make the same mistakes we did Buster: Like I said, I'm not making a mistake Buster: It's a shame you didn't fight this hard when other members of the fam were, but you know Bea: What's that supposed to mean? Buster: You really don't need a list, do you? Buster: Look at the fucked up mess everybody is in Bea: They're not my children Bea: That's not my job Buster: Well played Buster: Focus all your energy on this instead, yeah? Buster: I get it, but honestly, there's no need Bea: You think Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm good Buster: You don't need to worry about me Bea: Good one Buster: What do you want me to say? Buster: I'm not going to America Buster: I'm gonna marry Rio one day Buster: Support it or don't Bea: I want you to think about this more than you have Bea: You've just turned 18, this is ridiculous Buster: I have thought about it, I do, it's basically all I think about Buster: And we aren't having the wedding next week, like Bea: You've not even had a real girlfriend before this Buster: 'Cause I've always wanted to be with her Buster: Don't you understand that yet? Bea: You're too young to know what you want Buster: Bullshit Buster: You weren't. Her parents weren't Bea: Stop holding us up as examples when we aren't Bea: Do better, Buster Buster: Give me some credit Buster: Not to mention, give yourself like Buster: some* Bea: I just don't want you to get hurt Bea: or think you have to make such serious decisions right now, what's the rush? Buster: You can't protect me from any of that shit, believe me, I wish you could too and I know Nance does but that's not the way things work Buster: It's gonna be okay, mum, just trust me Buster: You always told me I can do anything, be anything I want, there's no going back on it now and you don't really wanna Buster: I'm trying to tell you, there isn't any rush, we aren't getting married yet Bea: I just don't understand why you feel the need to do this Bea: but no, I can't stop you Buster: Yes you do Buster: You know how much we have to prove to everyone Buster: But that's not even why, I love her and I want to marry her Buster: Why's that so bad? Buster: Aren't we allowed to be happy? Christ Bea: Of course Bea: of course we want you to be happy Buster: Just not with her then or what? Buster: Or am I supposed to wait around until I'm 40 until its valid Bea: It's like you said Bea: You have to learn these lessons yourself Buster: I'm not the one with a problem Bea: I just think there are better ways you could spend your time and money right now Buster: Like by running off to America and acting like I might not have a baby on the way? Is that your big plan for me, yeah? Bea: Do you really want that girl in your life Bea: I don't think so Buster: Of course I don't Buster: But we've had that convo already, it's not a choice Bea: If you say so Buster: Why do you want me to run away so badly? Bea: I don't Bea: I want you to do what's right for you Buster: That's what I'm doing Buster: Stop fighting me on it Bea: I'm not fighting you on it, I'm questioning it and I'd be a pretty shit parent if I didn't Buster: Fine Buster: Whatever Bea: How has everyone else taken it? Buster: As expected Buster: But we're not exactly shouting it from the rooftops, like Bea: You can't expect people not to notice though Buster: We aren't, we're just not throwing it in their faces either Bea: Well Bea: you're not exactly being inconspicuous with it either Buster: Good. We don't wanna be Buster: I'm not ashamed, mum, sorry if that's how you want it Bea: Is that what I said? Bea: Don't put words in my mouth Bea: Have you spoken to your sister yet? Buster: Well, you don't want me to be with her, you've all but said that with your own actual words so Buster: And no, I haven't Buster: It'll be better coming from Rio Bea: Probably Bea: but you can't avoid her forever Buster: I'm hardly avoiding her, we're in different cities Buster: You want me at school, I'm at school Bea: Don't get shirty Bea: She'll have questions for you that Rio can't answer, is all Buster: She knows where I am Bea: You're capable of meeting her halfway Buster: I'm not the one with questions Buster: And I'm not looking for her validation any more than I am yours Bea: I don't know what to say to you Buster: Then end the conversation Buster: It speaks for itself Bea: Don't tell me what to do Bea: I don't think you appreciate how much of a shock this is for everyone else Bea: You may have known for however long you claim but it wasn't known, okay Buster: I'm not stupid Buster: But I am done letting everyone else's reactions dictate to me Buster: Everything I've done and not done is always about what the rest of you are gonna say or think or do about it Buster: I don't think you appreciate how unhappy I was for years pretending that I felt the opposite to how I do Buster: At least Nance will understand that, if nothing else Bea: I'm sorry you felt that way Bea: we never asked you to be something you're not but if that's how you understood it then Bea: I guess we have some reflecting to do Buster: I'm not blaming you Buster: I still did what I did and made my own choices Buster: But those were the wrong ones and this is right Bea: It isn't good enough Bea: because I knew you weren't happy but I didn't do enough about it Buster joined the chat 90 minutes ago Buster: What could you have done? It's not like I came to you about it Buster: Or would've Buster: Don't beat yourself up about it Bea: Yeah well Bea: you should've been able to shouldn't you Buster: I'm a teenage boy and you're my mum so I'm gonna go ahead and say no Buster: That'd be weird Bea: Your Dad then Bea: Whatever Bea: the important things Buster: Come on Buster: I have and you've helped me loads Bea: None of that matters if you weren't happy, Buster Bea: Don't you know that? Buster: I'm happy now Buster: That's what matters Bea: You are? Buster: Of course Bea: No bullshit? Buster: I'm happy, mum Bea: Good Bea: That's okay then Buster: Are we? Buster: I don't wanna fight with you Bea: Yeah Buster: Alright, good Bea: Well Bea: That's all I had to say Buster: Yeah Buster: How's Ro or is that a stupid question? Bea: Ha Bea: Nightmare Bea: Convinced she's in labour constantly but she isn't Buster: Can they not bring it on at the hospital yet and save your sanity? Bea: Ha not yet Bea: She wishes Bea: Medical clout not getting her those kind of perks Buster: Old wives tales it is then Buster: Good fucking luck Bea: Tell me about it Bea: Ali reckons she can take some time off when it's here so she can take over Buster: That's something Buster: Dad will be buzzing if you come back Bea: It's not like I've not being seeing him at work Bea: only this last week because she can't be left alone Buster: Yeah but he's been in a right mood at home Bea: I've heard Bea: Indie is Bea: a lot Buster: True, but we all know why Bea: I know, I'm not blaming the kid Bea: not something you want to come home to after a hard day though Buster: Same, dad, same Bea: Hey, you're signing up for as much Buster: Yeah but I don't have to celebrate the fact, do I? Dad and Ro's relationship is a sight to behold but you make it work Buster: I'm not at that level of annoyed with Indie, like Bea: You do what you must Buster: Loads of her fam are annoying but that's just probability, bound to happen with how many of them there are Bea: Hmm, and here you are, defeating all odds Buster: Obviously Bea: Idiot Buster: Love you too, like Bea: Yeah yeah Buster: See you soon then, yeah? Bea: Of course Buster: Call me if you've pushed Auntie down the stairs or whatever Buster: I'll do my best to help Bea: Cheers Bea: Get the kid out first, like Bea: Not a monster Buster: 'Course not Bea: Love you kid Buster: I know Buster: Take care, mum Bea: You too

[diabolik-lover-smut-blog]

More than Friends

We all know Laito's preference is the uke girl type then the seme girl. So when you hear tomboy who is more masculine then the girls that Laito has his small flings with it's odd. Laito enjoyed the tomboy's company always coming up with witty comments and savage comebacks to shut down his flirts, which only edged him on further to have this tomboy all to himself. This tomboy was (Name); she was a rebel against the school she stood out easily in the crowd in her boyish appearance but her features were that of a goddess who had a lot of guy's hearts, girls in the school were intimidated by her and some burned with jealously. A typical day for (Name) as she walked the school grounds skipping class as it bored her oh so much, therefore she looked for the perverted playboy vampire who for once was in class which slightly annoyed as her boredom grew "So class as you can see in order to achieve this formula you must used Pythagoras" the teacher said teaching the class. (Name) looked through the window spotting the perverted playboy vampire sitting at his seat boredom written all over his face as he played with his pencil. She knocked on the window softly drawing the attention of the class but she ducked quickly not to be caught by the teacher. Peeping back up, the teacher was facing the class and the vampire looked over smiling happily. She waved him over mouthing 'I need some help' and the teacher turned around and she ducked down yet again so she wouldn’t get caught "Sir, may I go to the toilet. You see I drank sooo much and I need to go" Laito said with a smirk and the teacher sighed and lets him go. He walked out seeing (Name) on the ground lying there arm over her eyes being over dramatic which he found amusing "Tranny-chan? Are you alright?" he asked a little worried but held a playful tone as usual "You take forever" she whined childishly as she moved her arm away from her face and glared at him playfully "hmmm~ I didn't know you missed me so much, maybe I can make it up to you~" he purred holding his hand out for her "Oh Laito-kun, just you being here is enough" she said sarcastically imitating Laito's fan girls "What did you need help with?" he asked with a chuckle at her imitation of his lovely fan girls "Nothing, I was just bored and didn’t want to walk around like a loner" she explained with a chuckle as he hummed in response in somewhat understanding "Oi Laito you doing anything in the school break?" she asked looking at him as they walked out of the school grounds "Nope, as usual" he sighed a little knowing how boring his holidays will be "Wanna hang out sometime, I feel like we need to chill ya know?" she smiled at him "Ahh~ what’s this, is my little Tranny-chan falling for me?" he smirked leaning into her "HA! In your dreams pretty boy, knowing you, you probably do that anyway" she said leaning away from him laughing a little as he clicked his tongue "Did you just call me pretty my I didn't know you thought of me as attractive" he said with the back on his hand on his forehead and his other hand over his heart. By now they were out of the school grounds and in town they were making their way to an ice-cream shop "Yeah so? I ain't blind" she laughed as they grabbed an ice-cream together. Yes even though the two aren't a couple they act very much like it but this love was mostly one sided, Laito was in love with her; while she was the care free go with the flow kind of person. She wasn't into all that relationship things considering her past relationships where they wanted to be serious with her but she loved the life of the party, going out places to hang out more of the friend vibe than the boyfriend girlfriend vibe. Laito was much the same but he really wants to be with (Name) because she was not likes any other girl he's been with, but he wouldn't mind getting serious with her and settle down with her. But who knows what (Name) might choose, when the time comes.

~school breaks~

Laito: Hey Tranny-chan when are you planning for us to hang out?

(Name): Whenever you're free dude, I'm honestly free whenever. Plus don't you need permission from your "dad" Reiji?

Laito: okay technically yes I have to ask him and he's not my dad

(Name): dude chill, it’s just a prank bro. Anyway, dude ask him if we can hang out in town

(Name) waited for his reply as she cleaned her room. She was the kind f person when she's bored she will clean and listen to music and dance around like an idiot which took longer to clean up but that never stopped her "Na na na na na na, na na na na na na Na na na na na na, na na na na na na

I guess I just lost my husband I don't know where he went So I'm gonna drink my money I'm not gonna pay his rent (nope) I got a brand new attitude And I'm gonna wear it tonight I wanna get in trouble I wanna start a fight

Na na na na na na na, I wanna start a fight Na na na na na na na, I wanna start a fight" she sang pretending to play the guitar.

Her phone went off and she answered it "Yello?" she said turning the music down a little "Hello? Is this (Name)?" asked a deep voice "Yes it is I, (Name)" she replied "Good evening, my name is Reiji Sakamaki. Laito's older brother, he had just been explaining to me that you had made plans with him to go into town am I correct?" spoke Reiji "Yes, that is right. Is there a problem with that?" she questioned "Not at all (Name), but he must be home for dinner at 10:00, am I clear?" Reiji demanded "With all due respect Reiji Sakamaki, but both Laito and I are young adults 10:00 is a curfew for children. If I may, I shall have Laito back at 2:00 am, I will be sure that he will be in safe hands" she smirked as she spoke through the phone with Laito’s older brother "...Alright but if you are a minute late I will punish the two of you for disobeying. Do I make myself clear?" Reiji said sternly "Alright understood. Does Laito have any commitment for this week? I had asked him that I am available whenever he is, unless you plan to have family fun time?" she held back a small laugh "No, he's free. We do not do that "family fun time" nonsense" he said rather annoyed by her statement "Thank you Reiji Sakamaki for being so understanding" she said which came out sarcastic Reiji hummed and gave the phone to Laito who was standing by his side listening into the conversation "I'm impressed Tranny-chan, you managed to convince my older strict brother to a curfew of 2:00am, bravo~" he smirked as he complimented her "What can I say, I just have a way with men" she laughed along with Laito "So when are you thinking of hanging out?" Laito asked curious as to what she had planned for them "Well it's Thursday so~ Friday or Saturday is good and I was planning just walking around town I don’t know maybe catch a movie I don’t I say let’s wing it" she laughed "hmmm I don't have anything planned, so both days either way is fine" he chuckled a little "Alright Friday it is. Just send me a text whenever you're ready, I'll rock up and you better bring money because I ain't gonna pay for your rich ass" she laughed. She was well aware that he is rich and he had his own money so she did want pay for him because she didn’t see the point in it really "Oh alright I'll bring some money. So I'll see you on our date~" he smirked waiting for her reaction "OI IT'S NOT A DATE-" before she could yell at him Laito had hung up on her as he laughed "That little shit" she muttered as her cheeks flared up but she couldn't help but smile.

(Name) and Laito have been going out to town having fun and enjoying each other's company, but poor Laito was falling more for her as the days passed by. (Name) oblivious to his feelings for her continued to treat him like any other mate of hers, Laito knew this and that's what annoyed him the most. School break was finished and it was backed to the same old routines, going to class learning boring things and having a few fights here and there. But the two still hang out with one another which caused trouble for the two, (Name) for having girls sending death threats and Laito for have men confront him about touching "their (Name)". Laito was walking with (Name) as they talked as they ate their lunches "Has anything interesting happen lately?" he asked flashing her a small smile "Nah, just your fan girls wanting to pick a fight with me but backed down when I challenged them. Honestly Laito Sakamaki you have the worst taste in women" she laughed punching his shoulder lightly "Ah yes but they are not really my type to be truthful" this sparked her interest a little "Oooo so what is your type? I always thought you like those submissive girls that would date you with tip of your fedora" she laughed a little "I'm not sure myself, normally I prefer the submissive but its gets boring when they don't put up a fight" he sighed. "I understand, sometimes you have to spice things up, HA! Am I right" she laughed holding her hand in the air for a high-five. In a flash Laito had her pinned to a wall at the back of the school where they hangout, it was their spot that no one knew where they were. "LAITO!" she yelled her back hit into the wall, knocking the air out of her "I'm sick of this... I will make you mine. You will submit to me" he growled tightening his grip "Knock it off Laito this isn't funny, so lay off would you" she growled back trying to break free from him "That is something I cannot do Tranny-chan. I'm hurt that you think I'm joking when clearly I'm being serious" he said dangerous close to her face. (Name) stared at him closely. She didn’t know what to say or do she was frozen. His emerald eyes captured her in a trance his reddish-brown hair in his face his fedora laid perfectly on his head. She felt powerless as Laito started to lean into her further, she felt her heartbeat quicken. Laito could tell it was beating fast which made him chuckle as he proceed to lean into her neck ready to bit into her but she managed to shake him of "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" She yelled pushing his off causing him to stumble back "Fufufuf~ don't you get it I want you, and I always get what I want" he purred pinning her again having regained his balance "LAITO! GET OFF ME NOW!" She snapped pushing him again "Not until I get what I want. And what I want is you" he said seriously and bit into her neck. (Name) gripped onto him trying to throw him off but he was too strong for her, she waited for the awaiting pain of him drinking but nothing happened, at first she thought he was just toying with her. He pulled back licking the blood that surfaced on her neck "Now you're mine" he smiled as he looked at his work done on her neck "YOU BASTARD!" She yelled angered and punched his face hard. Grabbing her hand from the pain and he was hit pretty hard his face faced the other way as he cast his eyes at the floor. She was muttering swears from the pain in her hands then she glared at him harshly her hand still I pain "Look at me and listen close because I won't repeat myself" she growled as he faced her with pain in his eyes and fear that he made her hate him "All you had to fucking do was just tell me how you felt...I would have happily gave you a chance... I'm willing to give you a second chance but as soon as I catch you playing me for your own pleasures I won't hesitate to kill you. Got it" she growled venom dripping from her words "Understood" he felt his smile rise on his face as he hugged her she hugged back awkwardly "Can I get a kiss?" He asked with a small purr in his voice "Fine but don't go telling everyone alright" she tsked and gave him a quick peck he pouted at her as she kissed on the cheek "I said a kiss and that's all you're getting" she said sitting down to eat lunch he joined her happily eating his food “Seriously man, I thought you were smooth in confessing to people you like” she laughed “But those girls I didn’t really like, you know I thought it would have been easier but you aren’t like others girls so I kinda panicked and just became forceful” he explained truthfully “Hey I never said I hated it really I was just shocked…and sorry for punching you it was just a reflex” she blushed softly “I keep that noted to warn you when I’m going to do something” he laughed with her

[5hfanfiction]

Too Close To Home - Chapter 13

“Mila, what happened to your arm?” someone calls me while I burn holes through Lauren’s and Lucy’s heads, getting lovey-dovey in the corner of the room.

“Huh, oh, I got a tattoo,” I look at the source of sound, realizing that it’s Dinah.

“Holy shit, can I see?”

“Later.. You’re gonna sleep here again right?”

“Yeah..” She says. “Are you okay? You seem dazed and down. I’m sorry we hosted a surprise party in your suite without your consent.”

“It’s okay. I love that you guys did this actually. It’s really sweet so thank you. I’m just a bit tired since your annoying ass woke me up early than humanly possible.” I smile, pretending to be okay. It’s not that that’s making me down, it’s the fact that Lauren hasn’t said one word to me the second we walk through the door. I understand that we’ve been at each other’s faces since morning, but it doesn’t give her the right to ignore me. It just made my suspicion of her hanging with me as a tactic to stall me as the others get ready for the surprise more valid.

Hell, she might’ve rented the whole restaurant so people won’t see us together.

Music were playing and there were foods near the dining table. The guests were a mixture of celebrities and friends. Ever since I released my album, I’ve gotten the necessary recognition from singers and producers nationwide. But even if I’m somewhat famous, it still feels weird that there are idols I look up to even before I was in X-Factor here. I wonder how the girls got in touch with them. It’s crazy.

Dinah, Ally and Normani came with food on their hands minutes later. Dinah brought two plates with her, one for her and one for me.

They sat on the couch near the one I’m sitting on. There are 3 couches in total, mine is on the side, facing the other couch while the other one is facing the TV, horizontal from my point of view. They’re sitting on the one facing the TV.

We talked as we empty the food contents on our plates. I love how they have the decency to actually hang out with me. Some people hosts a surprise party for their friend but once the surprise is over, they tend to leave their friend alone and talk to the guests instead. I’m just glad that they care about me enough to not leave me alone.

Lauren and Lucy came moments later, hand in hand, sitting on the other couch across from mine. They mostly talk amongst themselves. Sometimes, they would chime in if one of us asks them a question or if the story involves them but other than that, they’re basically living in their love bubble. My stomach just ties in knots every time I hear both of them giggle.

It sucks. It really does. I seriously don’t know how to react. Like God, before yesterday, I was so convinced that I’ve moved on. But ever since this morning, my mind just fluctuates and I don’t know how I feel. In a span of less than 24 hours, Lauren has managed to destroy every single bricks I’ve stacked up around my heart.

And just after that thought, Miley Cyrus’s Wrecking Ball starts to play in the background. God, you fucker.

I think I managed to think that I’ve moved on before this was because of the busy schedule this year. I haven’t thought of her - or any of my personal life really. Every single day was either promoting my album or having meetings on how to promote my album. So if I didn’t even have time to talk to my family, what makes you think that I have time to think about Lauren?

So now, after being with Lauren for the day, making me realize what I’ve missed, I can’t help but feel my heart constrict painfully as I look at them. But I won’t say anything. Lauren has explicitly said that she wants us to be purely friends, so if I thought that the time we had just hours ago was somewhat a date, it’s on me. Lauren never indicated that it was anything more than friendly. Sure, she flirted and stuff, but friends do that sometimes. And she’s a flirt, so that kind of justifies the actions she did, right?

Besides, the reason we lost touch was because I expressed my feelings too much. I don’t want to repeat the past, I don’t think I could go through losing Lauren for what feels like the tenth time. It’s better this way.

Friends. Friends. Friends. I repeat those mantra over and over in my mind, maybe then I could convince myself that we could just be that.

“Chancho, you should sing for us,” Dinah says, diverting my attention from Lauren to her. I have a feeling that she knows. Her eyes has a hint of sympathy and every time I was looking at Lauren, she would be the one diverting my attention.

And she does so easily, just by calling me Cheechee. I haven’t heard that nickname since forever. Now that I’ve heard it, I can’t help but feel bittersweet.

We’re growing up so fast. Too fast in my opinion.

“Me? Nooo..”

“Oh come on…” she nudges before shouting, “Guys..” catching everyone’s attention as she does so, “who wants to hear Camila sing?”

A round of loud claps and cheers erupted in the room. I grew nervous as they all saunter their way to the room and make a circle around the couches, the girls and I being in the middle.

Lauren suddenly walks away, only to come back with a guitar on her hand. There was a bow placed on it.

“Well, I planned on giving this the traditional way, but it seems more convenient this way. Happy Birthday, Camz,” she says as she hugs me. This is the first time she has actually talked to me since the party started. She walks back to the couch beside Lucy.

It’s funny really, the action she just did sums up our relationship. No matter how thoughtful and sweet she is to me, she’ll always walk back to Lucy at the end of the day. It happened 2 years ago and its happening now. I just should’ve known better.

Its so nerve-wrecking. Singing in front of ten thousand random people and probably repetitive fans is one thing, singing right now in front of celebrities is another. I anticipated every single concert I’ve performed, every movement was calculated. This is different because it’s spontaneous, I don’t even know what song to sing.

I look around, trying to get an idea of the songs from my album but ends up forgetting every single lyrics on them. My eyes stop at Lauren and Lucy’s intertwined hand and that’s when I finally know what song.

I strum the guitar on my lap, trying to find the right tune from my new guitar. Everyone’s scrutinizing eyes are on me, looking at my every movement.

Finally, after 5 minutes of silence in the room except for the strumming and probably my loud heart beating, I started to sing.

Stay back, stay long, and you move on I stress, come close, move on, please don’t

This is actually a song, or rather a draft, from 2014. It was during the time Lauren had a thing with Brad. They were never together officially but they did hook up. It was when I was certain that I liked Lauren more than just friends.

I guess I could adapt these lyrics now. Lauren’s moved on. But then, even if she does so, she tries to keep me close as I try to move on, making my attempts to move on in vain.

Hello, how are you? How you've been? Lately I wonder how it feels to steal your kiss Nothing much, just fine I'm doing well And you can read between the lines but God, I fell

I did record it in the studio last year but it was never released officially. The producers said it was too emotional and I should sing more pop-ish song. The songs on the album was somewhat emotional, but it was the type that catches the public’s attention because it’s relatable. This one was just ‘too depressing’. They tried to produce it and edit everything but I refused to put it on my album. Simply because it was meant to be raw and stripped. I don’t want it to be some generic song people listen to where the music catches more attention than the lyrics.

Another reason was because it was one of the first song I’ve ever written, so of course I said no. Imagine this, a painter being asked to change the colors on his work because it looks depressing. It’s basically the same thing.

I only told the moon, tonight up on the roof I told her that I'm scared that all my thoughts they look like you I only told the moon, about the way you move I asked her to please tell me if you tell things to her too

One time in 2014, when Lauren went to a party with Brad, I went to the roof of our temporary apartment with my guitar and my journal.

I felt suffocated at the thought of Lauren having fun with Brad so I went to a less physically closed off space and the roof was the most convenient one. As I sat there, I felt like the moon was my only companion at that time. I had people around me everyday, but at the same time, I’ve never felt more lonely than before. I looked at the only thing that I could look up to, the moon. Everyday, she never fails to show. So at that time, as I look at her, my mind flowed everywhere with no sense of direction. I needed to straighten them so writing was my only resolve. It were all random ramblings at first but I saw that I could turn it into lyrics.

I was hoping, always hoping, that Lauren would feel the same about me, even if it’s merely a percentage of how I felt.

Silence. Too loud. Say it, not now

This verse might be the short and simple. But it is complex in it’s own way. It shows how my mind is indecisive. I wanted to tell her that I had feelings for her but at the same time, I was perfectly content with how we were that I didn’t want that to change.

That time, on the roof, it was silent. The only thing I could hear was my constant writing and probably a few honks here and there, but other than that, my mind was the only one that was speaking.

So how are you? How you've been? Lately I wonder how it feels to taste your lips Nothing much, just fine I'm doing well And you can read between the lines but God, I fell

When Lauren actually started hanging out with Brad, she had been spending less time with me. I’m not mad about that or anything because here’s the sad truth, no matter how much you believe in the saying, 'Bros without hoes,’ or in my case, 'uterus before duderuses,’ at the end of the day, the somewhat 'Hoes’ are the ones in your future.

It wasn’t that that hurt me, it was the fact that I couldn’t express my feelings. Yes, we were close, we could tell things to each other, but at the same time, I can’t. I had to consider everything - Fifth Harmony and our friendships. But mostly, I had to consider my heart. What if I told Lauren how I felt and it ends up going downhill. I had to look at the silver lining of being just friends. At least I still had her, right?

I eventually did tell her. But it was months after Lauren and Brad stopped talking.

But now that I think about it, Lauren has revealed that she fell for me after she broke up with Luis. Brad was after Luis. Did she like me when she was dating Brad? Was that why she spent less time with me? She did say that she was confused.

Maybe she was scared of the idea of dating me.

I only told the moon, tonight up on the roof I told her that I'm scared that all my thoughts they look like you I only told the moon, about the way you move I asked her to please tell me if you tell things to her too That I give it all to you, I give it all to you, I give it all to you I only told the moon

Aahhh and another loves song will play on the radio, you know Aahhh and I'll wait for the moon to lean in close and say…

That he only told the moon, tonight up on the roof He told me that he's scared that all her thoughts they look like you I only told the moon, about the way you move I asked her to please tell me if you tell this to her too

That I give it all to you, I give it all to you, I give it all to you

He only told the moon

He only told the moon

The room was silent as I sing the outro. It was intense, the tension was high. Everyone was either staring at me or staring at their phone cameras that are pointing at me.

Lauren looked like she’s lost in her thoughts. She probably knows that it’s about her.

Again, I’m not subtle. I never was.

***

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday dear Camila, Happy Birthday to you~” the crowd sings while Dinah brings the cake in front of me.

I blew the cake with a mouth-eating grin and cut a part of the cake while phones flashed in front of me.

After that was all done, I walked around, greeting the guests and making small talks. I don’t really know some of them but it was still nice that they showed up, the least I could do was to pretend that they’re interesting. But if I listen to them, all I could hear is how great my music or how they want a collaboration, it feels like they’re using me.

Fortunately, one of the famous guests here was Ariana. Over the years, we have grown close as both our careers blossomed. We were similar in more ways than one. We are both flirty, both dorks and most importantly, we are both highly sexualized in the public eye.

Since I know she’s here, we’ve been hip-to-hip the whole night. We talk and made jokes while the others were busy with their own group.

The girls came after some time. Luckily, Ariana and the girls are well acquainted so we easily fell to laid-back conversations, making jokes here and there.

“So Camila, are you dating anyone?” Ally starts up, making Lauren look up from her phone immediately, anticipating for my answer. Oh, so now you look at me.. Bitch.

“Nope,” I say with a pop.

Ariana gasps dramatically beside me and placed her hand on her chest, mocking a heartache. “What am I then?”

I laugh. Ariana is a flirt so it’s natural for her to make jokes like these.

“You’re my wife,” I smile cutely as I huddle myself closer to her. She knows that I like girls, but she never gave two fucks about it. She still flirts because she knows that I won’t like her romantically.

She wraps her hand around me in a protective way. She’s straight. That one, I can promise you.

As I look around, I notice that Lauren is staring intensely on Ariana. If looks could kill, my body would be drenched by Ariana’s blood right now. She seems like she’s shooting daggers with her eyes. She looks like she’s… jealous.

It’s so unfair. She, herself, is freaking cuddling with her fiancé across from me and she’s the jealous one. She’s obviously fucking Lucy, I’m just flirting with a friend here.

All the thinking is making me hungry. I stand up to grab one of the potato chips on the coffee table.

“Hey Camila?” Ariana calls out, making me turn my head back at her as I lean towards the surprisingly huge coffee table, trying to reach for the food on the other side.

“Yeah?”

“Is your dad a baker?”

“What? No? Why?” I laugh at her random question.

“Because you got nice buns,” she says, mocking a male voice as she does so.

“You’re such a dork, are you drunk?” I question, sitting back down next to her as I chew on the chips.

“No.. Wait yes.. But I’m not intoxicated by those alcohol, I’m intoxicated by you.”

I laugh at Ariana once again. She has endless amounts of pick up lines, she even told me one time that she has books just about the. Definitely a dork.

Lauren scoffs softly across from me. None of the girls could hear it - well except for Lucy - but I could, even if she’s farther from me.

I look at her in disbelief. Is she kidding me? What right does she has to hate on Ariana’s attempts in trying to 'get in my pants’?

I decided to play a little. If she hates this so much, imagine if I’m the one who’s the one making suggestive jokes on Ariana.

“Hey Ariana.. Your clothes look good on you,” I say, loud enough for Lauren to hear.

“Really? Is that all you got? Camila… I’m appalled, I thought you could do better than that,” Ariana points out playfully.

“ -But I bet you would look better without them.” I say with a smirk, knowing that Lauren’s probably fuming at this point. I feel.. smug.

The girls laughed as I finished my pick up line. Ariana smiles proudly like a mother proud of her kid. But instead of being proud of the kid’s achievement in scoring at a sports game, she’s proud at how I can make sexual jokes. I can only imagine how her future kids will turn out - probably fuckboys and players.

The rest of the night after that was pretty uneventful. There were talking and stuffs, a lot more jokes and pickup lines passed around between Ariana and I, making Lauren’s face contort into a frown for the rest of the night.

I don’t know about you but I call this a successful day.

The guests slowly disperse, leaving me with the girls and Ariana at the end of the day.

Ashlee called me sometime that night, apologizing for not coming because of some family problems. I just shrugged it off, saying that it’s okay. If I’m being honest, I’m actually quite grateful that she can’t come. It’s not that I don’t want her company, it’s just that she knows about Lauren and if she saw what I did, she would’ve picked it up easily and scolded me for trying to make Lauren jealous.

My parents called me too, and we talked for some time. God how I miss them.

Ariana decided to call it a night an hour later, saying that she’s tired and that she has a busy day tomorrow.

The girls decided to rent two more rooms in the hotel. They said that they wanted to hang with me once more tomorrow and it’s more convenient since it’s late now and their apartment building is quite far. And by the girls, I mean Lauren, Lucy, Normani and Ally, Dinah wants to crash on mine again.

I just hope she doesn’t hit me with a pillow again tomorrow.

[agent-fitz]

I'm asking you all the questions to get even for you asking me all the questions. It's gonna take me forever to answer them :P

1: it's the apocalypse. you lay next to the person you trust and love most, and start talking. you know your time is limited. what is the one thing you want them to know before you two die? that life is a great adventure, and it’s been an honor to go through it with them beside me, but that there is even more adventure to come, and not to despair.

2: you are faced with an almighty spirit. it tells you that you must choose two emotions\feelings - one of them you will never feel again, and the other becomes your most dominant. which two are those? this is really difficult because i can see how every emotion can be vital in certain circumstances. is boredom an emotion? can I choose to never feel bored again? and my most dominant emotion... excitement. just, pure eagerness and enthusiasm for life. like that feeling when i’m standing on a mountainside.

3: what is the one thing you want your best friend to never do? why? how will you react if they do it? regardless of which best friend i’m referring to, i never want them to settle in life. because we only get one of these things and we should really not be rationalizing “the logical thing to do” but instead living it the way we want to live it. but, my idea of them settling might not be their idea of them settling, so if i were to feel like they had settled i would love them through that and support whatever decisions they’d made--while still nudging them toward whatever forgotten dreams they might have.

4: do you have a favorite tv show? why is it your favorite? what is the reason you started watching it, and what is the reason you continued? er...i jump around with shows a lot, so it’s hard to say. i guess my all-time favorite has been grey’s anatomy, though it at its current state is definitely NOT my favorite show on tv. but it’s my favorite because it allows me to feel things, and gives me reason to feel things, that i often don’t get to feel just on a daily basis. it reminds me of hidden things that need to be addressed. or, it used to, before it became all drama. i started watching it out of curiosity, because i was stuck at home in 9th grade and needed something to cry about. i continued because my heart got attached.

5: do you have a favorite musical instrument? if yes, why exactly is it your favorite? can you play it/would you ever? i really like the cello or the violin. it just amazes me that those instruments can make such a wide array of sound, and they’re so full of life and zest and emotion. i don’t know how to play it nor will i probably ever learn.

6: who is your all-time favorite character? why exactly? do you relate to them, and how? all-time favorite character...this is nearly impossible. okay, whatever, this is probably not my all-time favorite but for character development purposes we’re gonna say it is, I’m going with Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender. His character arc is done FLAWLESSLY and he just represents so much of what and how a person wrestles with finding who they are. I really, truly love watching him grow into his own person, and especially how real it is with the amount of times he messes up or second guesses himself. And yeah, I definitely do relate to him, because he just feels things so intensely and sometimes it’s too much and he literally wants to explode and that’s...me.

7: is there anything you believe in? what is it? why do you believe in it? can you tell us something that explains this belief? I believe in God, and I believe in Jesus Christ, and I do believe that He is the Son of God and He came down to earth and died for all of us so we can have relationship with them again... I believe it because every other option sucks, and because I’ve seen how God has changed me and countless others, and frankly because the evidence points to it being true. Jesus clearly was a man who lived, and most people like to say He was a prophet but not God Himself in human form. Except, Jesus said himself that He’s the Son of God...so He’s either a liar, a raving lunatic, or telling the truth. And men actively chose to give their lives based on the truth that Jesus rose from the dead and is the Son of God. I believe in logic, and the logic of all of that says that Jesus was telling the truth. And why be afraid of that? If he was telling the truth that means there’s a loving, forgiving, desperate God out there who wants to KNOW me and love me and take care of me. Why would I want to convince myself that that’s not true?

8: you are locked in a room until the day you die, and have a choice to spend this time with one person. will you choose someone? if yes, who is it? why? Okay, well, can I choose Jesus? If I can’t choose Jesus (which would be stupid and I totally choose Jesus) then I think I probably have to pick my cat. OR a character from Harry Potter because that would just be entertaining. Also, both Jesus and an HP character could get me out of the room so...going with them.

9: what is the book that got you into reading, if there even is one? what was so special about it? when did you read it? I dunno, either the HP series or the Magic Treehouse series. Dope stuff.

10: what is the song i have to listen to so i could know you better? Stay Alive by Jose Gonzalez.

11: do you prefer being outside when its sunny or when its dark? When it’s sunny.

12: do you like the rain? why? do you prefer storms or light dripping? I do like the rain, but I prefer the weather either cold or warm sunshine, so rain isn’t my favorite. If I had to choose I’d rather a storm, so it makes it dark inside and you feel like you should light candles.

13: hot chocolate with cinnamon, marshmellows, both or none? Marshmallows.

14: do you like tea? why? if yes, what is your favorite kind? The only tea I’ve really enjoyed was the English Breakfast Tea I had in London when I went for afternoon tea. That stuff was addictive.

15: do you enjoy coffee? if yes, do you drink it for the taste or for the caffeine? COFFEE

16: what is your perfect playlist for studying? where is the perfect place to listen to it? I like the productive morning one on Spotify, or the soft jazz. In a coffeeshop.

17: what is your favorite color? why? what is your least favorite shade of this color? So I like gray, green, and pink. Gray can be any shade. Green needs to be a darker green or a like...almost camo green? Anything that’s a more faded shade or forest green. Pink, gotta have it blush or soft pink or salmon or something. NOT hot pink.

18: think of a person you love. now describe them, using only stuff that only you would describe them with. (for example - my person would be described by reading a new book while there's a storm outside.) Eating burgers and fries after playing little league baseball.

19: what is the song you feel like you HAVE to know to play? I do not fully understand this question but it is my goal to learn the full Titanic theme song and be able to play it with TWO HANDS, like accompaniment and all.

20: do you like writing? do you prefer to write on a computer or in a notebook? I love to write. And it depends on what I’m writing. Stories are better on the computer, thoughts and journal things are better on paper.

21: shuffle your playlist until you get to a song you will never skip. what is this song? why do you never skip it? do you recommend it? Boston, by Augustana. It feels like it was written for me. And that piano riff, I can’t skip that. Yes, obviously do recommend, especially if you’re feeling nostalgic. 

22: do you like stargazing? why? Yes. Because I love realizing how small I am, and how little my worries matter, and how little my decisions matter, and that there is this entire universe out there and yet God loves me and takes care of me. It strips me of all my fears.

23: what is your favorite hour of the day? I think I enjoy early in the morning, right after the sun has come up.

24: what is your harry potter house? did you get sorted on pottermore or do you think it represents you better? Slytherin. I did get sorted my pottermore, yeah. And before that, I didn’t really know where I belonged. I thought my Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, but I see now why Slytherin fits and I wouldn’t belong anywhere else.

25: what is your patronus? A brown owl (:

26: do you want to write a book? if yes, did you start already? Yes, I do, and if by having started the first few pages that means I started, then yes.

27: what is your favorite smell? Christmas trees :D or just the woods in general.

28: picture yourself at ease. now describe what exactly did you picture - with who you are? where? what exactly put you at ease? I’m in a field laying on a blanket, the sun is warm on my face, I have a good book and my journal with me, I can hear some water nearby so I can go play in the river when it gets too hot, and I’m alone. I’m at ease because I’m in nature, but also because I’m free of any responsibilities.

29: you have the option to forget one book/series completly and reread/rewatch it from the start. what book/series is it? Avatar the Last Airbender, for sure. 

30: what do you love most about humanity? That we’re all connected. It doesn’t feel like it, but we’re all so similar and we have the same pain and the same wants and the same needs and there is so much love that is needed and so much love that could be given if we just stopped to realize that once in a while.