#i chugged probiotics but i need nutrients

[kirbyddd]

unable to swallow, saliva pours pours from my mouth as i try not to vomit staring down the rotten smelling dry scrambled eggs on floppy warm untoasted wheat bread as the fragarance fills the car, not even a grimy picnic table available to celebrate the vile feast. i can feel my ulcers contorting already

the Nashville Sickday Special

[jumperlink2-blog]

MORE JAW DRAMA…LIKE IT’S ALWAYS SOMETHING

MICHAEL SAID IF HE HEARS THE WORD JAW ONE MORE TIME WE MAY DIVORCE.

Lol.

But seriously, I am sick of it too. Such a drag.

So basically as you guys know, I had double jaw surgery about 4-ish years ago. Well, recently I realized that my lymphatic system in my face wasn’t draining properly- this was causing me to swell up like a balloon any time I stepped on a plane, traveled to higher altitude, &/or drank too much alcohol. Even salt! Like forget it- one too many grams of salt & I was immediately Fat Bastard.

I was over it. Personally, I became convinced that the reason I was swelling so much was because of the screws & plates in my face. I mean it can’t be GOOD for you to have metal in your face blocking your flow. My acupuncturist told me this too- he said the screws/plates from double jaw surgery were JUST BAD. Especially because it goes against everything Chinese medicine says.

So I said to myself “fuck it- I want this shit out!”

MY JAW SITUATION

If you can’t tell, when I get my head stuck on something, I get my head stuck on something. I couldn’t let it go.

So I found a jaw surgeon in LA ( as you know we recently moved from San Diego to Los Angeles ) & immediately booked an appointment. It all went well. We didn’t remove every single screw but the majority of them. Immediately after surgery I SWELLED RIGHT THE FUCK UP. Which is to be expected- it happens after an invasive surgery. But now, 3 weeks later, I am feeling better…& I should add: more contoured & less swollen than before the surgery. WHICH WE LOVE.

You could definitely say it was a success…& I am convinced my theory was right.

Anyway, so that’s my jaw drama. & while we are at it- let’s talk tips to fight inflammation because boy I am the fucking queen of that. AHEM:

♡ Watermelon juice!!!

Watermelon juice was my main request because it’s non-acidic. I like to add a TON of lime too. Lime is acidic but turns alkaline in the body. So watermelon x lime is just fucking gold. I’ve been chugging it like a sorority sister chugs Jungle Juice at a frat mixer. Watermelon juice is just perfect in every way. Go for the juicy red flesh at the center of a watermelon because it’s the only nutrient-rich area, forget the white part. The white part sucks, kinda. Some other benefits: watermelon is great for blood flow, it’s anti-inflammatory ( perfect for surgery ), & has TONS of vitamins and minerals. ALSO IT’S A DIURETIC. Cleans you out. Bottoms up!

♡ Next up, Mr. raw coconut juice.

I like this baby for its electrolytes. Raw coconut water is filled with electrolytes which REALLY boosts hydration. Hydration is key in sickness recovery. I always search for the pink coconut waters because supposedly they contain more antioxidants. This one is my favorite brand by far! Love it when it’s a baby pink mixture ( this happens only sometimes depending on the coconuts they get ).

♡ Heyyyy Kefir!

Since I had to take some more antibiotics for this surgery, I needed something with probiotics to coat my stomach. This kefir smoothie makes all the difference. Kefir is a whole different blog post but basically it’s “a sour-tasting drink made from cow’s milk fermented with certain bacteria. Also, a great source of probiotic bacteria and yeast, and requires daily maintenance, if using milk kefir grains. It is generally more sour in flavor and of a pourable consistency. Milk kefir may also be used in many, many recipes.” When I take antibiotics I ALWAYS balance it out with a probiotic. This is why kefir is amaze; it balances the antibiotic out by promoting good bacteria. This smoothie is simple. Nothing crazy because I definitely don’t want to shock my system.

♡♡♡ TSC Kefir Probiotic Smoothie

1 banana 1 cup kefir Handful of kale 1 splash almond milk Handful of ice Top with cinnamon ( << an anti-inflammatory )

Directions: blend. Garnish with cinnamon & cheers!

♡ Now let’s talk about liquid gold!

A full blown Vitamin C juice!! My favorite…orange/carrot/ginger/turmeric. SO healing for the system when you’re in recovery ( or on any day ). The orange relieves constipation, is full of potassium, & again, turns alkaline in the system ( so it’s essentially NON acidic ). The crunchy powerfood carrot does wonders: they’re full of fiber & literally flush nasty-ass toxins from the body. SO cleansing. Ginger, one of my favorites, is a real life saver because it takes away nausea. And typically surgery brings on nausea, yuck. Ginger also reduces gas, has a warming effect, & stimulates circulation. Lastly turmeric root!!! My home girl. Turmeric ( like real turmeric. Ever seen it at the grocery store? It looks like a sick bug. You can actually buy it online too ) is the shit in juices. Turmeric root is INSANE for inflammation. I’ve been shooting it in shot glasses #rebel.

♡ ICE ROLL THE FUCK OUTTA YOUR FACE.

Here’s the deal. I’ve been doing ice facials since Sonja Morgan from RHONY recommended them after a brutal hangover circa 2014-ish when noble Countess Luann was yelling at Heather Yummie Tummie about being ‘uncool.’ It really wasn’t until my brutal jaw surgery that I discovered the IT beauty tip of 2016 ( AKA MY LIFE LINE ). IT FIGHTS INFLAMMATION- I DO IT EVERY MORNING. TRUST ME.

Let me set the scene, years ago: I was actively perusing Amazon ( SHOCKING, this is something I do on the regular ) & was searching ‘jaw surgery book.’ Weirdly, an ice roller popped up.

So I was like, “umm, yes. This will make life easier PLUS give me a little lymphatic drainage while I’m rolling downward on my swollen jaw.”

Added to cart……..& then shit, the rest is history.

Not only did I fall absolutely HEAD OVER HEELS in love with my ice roller ( I use the white roller with a blue handle ), I also entered into a committed relationship with my ice roller. Like I said: I use it every ( EVERY ) day, once sometimes twice a day for as long as it’s cold ( usually 2 to 3 minutes per time ). In fact, I’m grumpy if I don’t get to use it first thing in the AM! Bye swelling.

♡ Lastly: TEA.

This one isn’t really too healthy but it’s keeping me refreshed. I get a large Starbucks iced green tea with two splashes of passion fruit & no sweetener. Obviously this isn’t like organic, homegrown, gold star tea BUT it’s cold on my throat & feels good plus it forces me to drink more water. And well, I just like it. Also, I’ve definitely been sneaking some mint chocolate chip ice cream because ‘help me, I’m sick.’ If you’re so healthy, lucky you, drink organic Numi green tea & skip the iced Starbucks.

♡ Oh, & another one not pictured:

I HAVE BEEN CHUGGING OWL VENICE BONE BROTH IN DISGUSTING AMOUNTS. I’ve been told it’s the best thing you can put in your system BEFORE & AFTER surgery. I add lemon & seriously GULP, GULP, GULP. A post on the broth can be found here.

ALSO: using Valor oil, taking massive amounts of arnica & turmeric ( I AM OBSESSED WITH TRUVANI’S TURMERIC TABLETS because they’re real deal turmeric with black pepper- I take them all the time ), using TONS OF ICE for ice facials ( which has helped me the most, especially this specific ice roller ), dry brushing, detoxing, juicing, applying real aloe vera/raw coconut oil, & also I’m really trying to avoid salt. ANY OTHER TIPS? Please share.

Before we go I also want to discuss pros of having double surgery in the first place because it seems like it’s been an on-going thing. Also this is important because I receive a lot of DM’s on questions about the initial surgery:

SO PROS OF MY JAW SURGERY:

+ I feel balanced now. I felt out of whack/alignment for my whole life. Towards the end I started to get used to being uncomfortable. Now I feel at peace. This is me now ( still have a long way to go, but this is without photo editing & no makeup- you can’t edit on Snapchat ). Swollen still, but coming down.

+ I haven’t been grinding my teeth AT ALL. This is huge for me because I’ve been grinding my teeth every night of my life to the point where Michael couldn’t sleep.

+ I haven’t snored once. This is another big one because I sounded like a freaking wildebeest when I was sleeping. Now I sleep like a baby without waking up in the middle of night…& Michael can sleep peacefully. This is AMAZING.

+ My bite fits together. Before I could only chew on one side of my mouth & my bite never fit together. Now my teeth fit together like a perfect puzzle piece & my mid-line is on point.

+ No more headaches, cracking my neck, or anxiety around my neck. I would also try to fix my bite myself by holding my jaw in the proper place. Because the issue was skeletal, it put major anxiety in my shoulders & neck. This feeling is gone, gone, gone.

+ Michael has literally seen me at my lowest point looks-wise, so I’m thinking he’s a keeper….LOL.

+ Lastly, my cheekbones look a little higher. A vain plus, but hey it’s a plus.

So that’s that. Thought I would share the process with you guys because you know I like to get specific.

I am off to eat a sourdough peanut butter & jelly sandwich because I got food poisoning last night. The culprit was either bad shrimp or bad cauliflower rice- you decide. If anyone has any food poisoning tips, I am all ears because man, do I feel queasy. Like I said- it’s always something! LOL.

HOPE YOU’RE ALL HAVING A PRODUCTIVE WEEK. See you tomorrow, lauryn x

+ to read more about my jaw surgery experience check out my other jaw surgery posts: still swollen | jaw surgery | finding energy after surgery

++ for more posts on how to recover from jaw surgery: facial massage | Gua Sha | cryotherapy | how to lymphatic drainage

Source: https://www.theskinnyconfidential.com/double-jaw-surgery/

[trendyelle]

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a mature adult treats their body like a trashcan, then you recognise the daily skirmish that is doing whatever the fuck off want while also wanting to have a great body and enormous surface. Lifes hard when you want to get fucked up at Heads Ball but likewise gaze 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not go to Gov Ball, though I did waste the weekend going through mimosas like water and chewing enough food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a new me. A better me. A me who sets actual vitamins and minerals into her system so her scalp doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she ingested last darknes. So heres a register of nutrients you should avoid like an ex-boyfriend slipping into your DMs and foods you should embrace because theyll define your fucking heads. Damn, Ive got bars. DONT: Feed Canned Food/ Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even devours canned meat anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird preoccupation with eating vienna sausages( which, in hindsight, should have been a ruby-red fucking pennant that this minor was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always boasting about ). Canned and/ or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in them and causes your person to hold on to water, which is why your look is always puffy or you have pocketed under your eyes that can be seen from seat, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and too be obnoxious on Instagram, eating salmon is a sure space to get better gazing skin. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty battery-acids and healthy paunches. These paunches strengthen cell layers and nourish the skin to deter you ogling fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol exactly because you often do shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre boozing to cleanse your mas are actually certainly fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as hell, specially the dark-green juices which can have up to 50 grams of sugar in them, which is actual sabotage when it comes to having clear scalp. ^ I envisage every fitstagrammer when the catch out they’ve been pumping liquid carbohydrate into their temples bodies DO: Suck A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the hot manager at your gym, protein smoothies can actually be beneficial for your surface. The more you know. Abide away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These types of smoothies are high in healthy paunches and wont leave your surface examining more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I verified entering. Good-for-nothing that savor this good can be anything but destruction on your figure. And since Im not on my interval rn in control of my torso I guess Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar who are capable of pattern this fun event called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your person. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with “the worlds largest” are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy examining. So basically gobbling ice cream is aging you.* gradations into oncoming transaction* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your scalp. So although it is penchants healthy and the whole occasion youll be wishing you two are snacking real chocolate with real flavor at the least your scalp will examine good AF and be protected against wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick pun. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you too want me to commit homicide the next time person responds all to ministries and departments email chain? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my psyche around because coffee is literally one of the only intellects I get out of bed in the morning, and consequently, the same reasons you get to experience this sparkling temperament. That being said, coffee is a diuretic( phony news Im sure !) which causes your organization to lose ocean and your surface to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you require glowy AF skin. DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republicans plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though the prospect of drinking hot lemon ocean know it sounds as enticing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super are you all right. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and throws some much needed support to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the main organ that detoxifies the body and if youre full of toxins boozing on dates that dissolve in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have neat things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally was well received by such lists. Like, is person looking at my bank announcement and be careful to ensure that I waste a large amount of my down time in coffee shops and/ or bagel stores? Because Im seeming genuinely assaulted rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your scalp and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for periods.* prays this is imitation bulletin* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id rather deprived than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the toll we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial. Oats are the right kind of carbs probs because it ogles miserable to eat and too because its high in antioxidants which weve installed will not only give you clear/ glowy scalp but likewise engages against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To absolutely no ones bombshell except my own because I refuse to read labels written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my prosperity, soda is poor for you. And just because you booze diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda especially disrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your intestine. Also boozing any sort of soda are actually fuck with your surface. Like, make rosacea, eczema, and acne fuck with your scalp. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Also, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant just suck vodka straight-shooting. I want to have clearer skin , not succumb. DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that looks good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my skin. About damn era. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all their own lives problems. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you require clear scalp by the time this weekend’s brunch buns around then chug some of this and profes like its alcohol something you experience drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you rejoice is perhaps fucking up your skin and you should cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not stir the inventory, but thats predominantly because I refused to do any actual research that would prove otherwise. Who says you cant see your own destiny? Listen, if all else flunks and you have no self control dont want to relinquish your prosperity theres always Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-36/

[trendyelle]

What To Eat For Clear Skin& What Foods Will Wreak Havoc On Your Face

If youre anything like me, someone who is a full-grown adult treats their body like a trashcan, then you recognize the daily strive that is doing whatever the fuck off crave although we are wanting to have a great person and enormous surface. Lifes hard whether it wishes to get fucked up at Governors Ball but also examine 100 years old in your Instagram story. Not that I would know. I did not go to Gov Ball, though I did expend the weekend “re going through” mimosas like water and ingesting enough food to get me my own TLC reality show. That being said, I want to change. I want to be a brand-new me. A better me. A me who applies actual vitamins and minerals into her structure so her surface doesnt resemble the entire slice of pizza she chewed last-place night. So heres a schedule of nutrients you should shun like an ex-boyfriend slithering into your DMs and foods you should hug because theyll sterilize your fucking face. Damn, Ive went bars. DONT: Chew Canned Food/ Meats Gross. As if. Like, who even devours canned meat anymore? Other than my ex from college who had this weird obsession with eating vienna sausages( which, in hindsight, should have been a red-faced fucking pennant that this minor was a sociopath. That and his Belk credit card that he was always bragging about ). Canned and/ or highly processed foods have a shit ton of sodium in them and makes your form to hold on to sea, which is why your appearance is always puffy or you have bags under your eyes that can be seen from space, and your acne is at World War III proportions. DO: Eat Salmon Aside from giving you a reason to pretend to be a foodie and also be hateful on Instagram, feeing salmon is a sure route to get better ogling skin. Salmon is rich with omega-3 fatty battery-acids and healthy flabs. These fats fortify cell layers and nourish the scalp to stop you searching fresh AF. DONT: Drink Green Juice Lol simply because you routinely tell shit like #FitLife and #CleanEating on your IG does not mean you know wtf is good for you, because SURPRISE all those juices youre drinking to cleanse your figure are actually really fucking bad for you. Juices are sugary as blaze, specially the light-green juices which can have up to 50 grams of carbohydrate in them, which is actual sabotage when it is necessary to having clear skin. ^ I envisage every fitstagrammer when the find out they’ve been gushing liquid sugar into their tabernacles bodies DO: Booze A Protein Smoothie Aside from having something to talk about with the hot manager at your gym, protein smoothies can really be beneficial for your scalp. The more you are familiar with. Remain away from the juicer smoothies and opt for one with some protein in it. These types of smoothies are high in healthy fatties and wont leave your scalp looking more ratchet than your Snap story last weekend. DONT: Eat Ice Cream Okay, this one I encountered coming. Nothing that tastes this good can be anything but destruction on your organization. And since Im not on my stage rn in control of my figure I predict Im open to suggestions here. Ice cream is chock-full of sugar who are capable of form this fun situation called advanced glycation end products which fucks up the protein in your form. Why is that important you may ask? Because the proteins it fucks with “the worlds largest” are the ones that keep your skin plump and springy searching. So basically gobbling ice cream is age you.* steps into oncoming commerce* DO: Eat Dark Chocolate Dark chocolate aka the DUD of chocolates has a fuck ton of antioxidants in it, which is v good for your skin. So although it is penchants healthy and the whole time youll be wishing you two are chewing real chocolate with real flavor at the least your surface will search good AF and be protected against wrinkles and other bad shit. DONT: Drink Coffee HA HA HA HA this has to be some sort of sick prank. You want me to give up my will to live caffeine? Do you likewise want me to commit homicide the next time someone responds everyone to ministries and departments email series? DO YOU? This one is tough for me to wrap my brain around because coffee is literally one of the only grounds I get out of bed in the morning, and therefore, the reason you get to experience this gleaming temperament. That tell me anything, coffee is a diuretic( bogus bulletin Im sure !) which causes your torso to lose sea and your skin to get v dehydrated. Stay away from this shit if you crave glowy AF skin. DO: Drink Hot Lemon Water This replacement sounds about as good as the Republican plan for health care but thats neither here nor there. Even though the prospect of drinking hot lemon water sounds about as enticing as sleeping with Jonathan The Tickle Monster, its actually super good for you. Its hydrating, full of antioxidants, and hands some much needed support to your liver. Apparently, the liver is the principal organ that detoxifies the body and if youre full of toxins boozing on periods that purpose in Y, youre more likely to break out. Sighs. And this is why we cant have neat things. DONT: Eat Bagels Okay, Im starting to feel personally was well received by this list. Like, is person looking at my bank word and be careful to ensure that I waste a large amount of my down time in coffee shops and/ or bagel browses? Because Im seeming truly assaulted rn. Apparently, bagels are the worst for your scalp and can lead to a cascade of hormones aka acne breakouts for daytimes.* prays this is fake news* DO: Eat Non-Processed Carbs or Oats Tbh Id instead starved than eat something that resembles animal feed but I guess thats the rate we pay to look like the “after” girl in an acne commercial. Oats are the right various kinds of carbs probs because it searches miserable to eat and also because its high in antioxidants which weve established will not only give you clear/ glowy scalp but likewise combats against anti-aging. DONT: Drink Soda To perfectly no ones amaze except my own because I refuse to read descriptions written by health professionals people who are out to destroy my happiness, soda is bad for you. And exactly because you drink diet soda doesnt mean youre safe. Because diet soda especially interrupts the necessary and healthy bacteria found in your intestine. Also boozing any kind of soda are actually fuck with your skin. Like, make rosacea, eczema, and acne fucking with your scalp. K. Just fuck me up rn then. Also, wtf am I supposed to order at the bar to go along with my vodka then? I cant only suck vodka straight. I want to have clearer scalp , not expire. DO: Drink Kombucha Finally something that ogles good on my Instagram story and isnt going to fuck up my scalp. About damn day. Basically Kombucha is good for you because its fermented, and therefore full of probiotics, which will solve all your life troubles. Im paraphrasing, but still. If you want clear skin by the time this weekend’s brunch buns around then chug some of this and feign like its alcohol something you experience drinking. So, in conclusion, anything that brings you delight is maybe fucking up your skin and you should cut it from your diet ASAP. I am feeling #blessed rn that alcohol did not shape the roster, but thats largely because I refused to do any actual study that would substantiate otherwise. Who says you cant manufacture your own predestination? Listen, if all else neglects and you have no self limit dont want to sacrifice your delight theres ever Facetune. Read more: www.betches.com http://selfhelpantiagingtips.com/what-to-eat-for-clear-skin-what-foods-will-wreak-havoc-on-your-face-27/