#i cant tell if me and this blog are aging like a fine wine or a cheese

[if-mirrormine]

hello, it is I, Loca anon. I too think of that ask a lot! I can’t believe it’s been a little over a year already 😭

how the hell have you been, loca?

[rrxnjun]

BEST MOTIVATION!!🥳 i'm glad u are handling things better!! LMAO THE JIHOON BRAINROT HIT U HARD but tbh i'm very good with him being the main character lmao and aaa thank u for telling me!! hope u manage to set it up🥹

aaa those are amazing🤌 i wish i was a proper kpop stan just to experience them fully💔 aa only listen to them when u have the time and u are in the mood for it!!! i will be here if u want to give a review about them later and not immediately!! it's so hard to get it right f with kpop songs for no reason😭 my friend still surprises me to this day with what kind of songs she likes and i know her music taste very well but some how i still manage to mess it up😭 TBH I WOULD BE DOWN FOR SONG RECOMMENDATIONS FROM CIX CUZ I NEVER LISTENED TO THEM!! the boyz english line is just too funny imo😭

OMG GOOD JOB!!!🥳🥳 GO OFF STEM GIRLIE!!! oh my lord i'm not surprised then that it's very difficult😭 u are very smart for even just getting into it!!! i will probably take it very badly cuz i already have issues in high school so whatever🥱 buuut i'm sure i will get through it somehow lmao if i even get in😙✌️ aaaa thank uuu so much i really appreciate u and love talking with u!!🥹🥹💕💓💓 (liebestraum anon💞💖)

girl im struggling. tried creating the side blog but i for the love of god cant come up with a proper url 😭😭😭😭 why did i choose a bias w the most unurlable name ffs everything looks terrible. i also havent been writing as much lately i think im having writers block which is really :// so lets pray it goes away soon

i added all the songs u recommended into a seperate playlist and tried listening to them the other day but then i got unreasonably angry at something so i just switched to my angry playlist 😃👍 howEVER i managed to get through the thrill ride ep and so far the title track was my fav,, i didnt find myself drawn to the other songs but that might honestly be bc of my shitty mood that day so im gonna give it a relisten and then gather my thoughts 😌😌 kpop is so diverse and so different than anything else so getting the songs right is always so difficult AHAHA

CIX RECS SAY LESS i actually havent heard their whole discography yet so take it as u will but. u might know movie star, numb or jungle (both of which fucking slap to this day,, their songs age like fine wine) oR cinema thats one of my favs from them!!!! their whole debut ep is very good but esp. like it that way and what you wanted are SOSOSO good oh lord. also 458 and without you (istg that song is one of the most beautiful kpop songs imo) are very very good 😌 hope u like at least some SJSJDKSK let me know if u do (no pressure to listen to any of these tho!!)

good luck w getting into uni im sure u can get in!! 😌😌 hs unfortunately cant prepare u for the shift (at least in slovakia) so it will definitely be something u need to get used to but trust me at uni nobody rlly cares abt grades anymore 😭😭 after a while u lose energy for that LMAO the only thing needed is passing 👍👍👍 rooting for you!!

it was nice hearing from you 💕 hope u have a nice weekend/the next week mwah!!

[oursensoryworld]

The Introduction

Hello Tumblr 

My name is Jessica 

I am 32 also a single mum with a beautiful 4 year old son. Ok so just a warning my grammar is horrible so please be kind. lol I always wanted to write a blog but never had the confidence to do so. Except for today.. When I thought to myself stuff it!! Maybe someone wants to listen to me talk crap, or is going through simular things. Needless to say I need an outlet. OK!

For the point of this introduction, I will start with when my son was 9 months old, and what happened after that.

We all lived in a beautiful little beach town. It was truly paradise! I would ride my bike to work some days, and think to myself how did I get so lucky.

Now you are probably thinking why would you leave then? 

I moved back to my parents house after getting home from work one night, and my sons father was drunk again. When I got home He was hostile and dangerous. I tried to kick him out to sober up, but he told me that it was his house and I had not right.

I couldn't take one more second. Called my dad to get my car and I was on the first flight out with my son.  

At first It was a welcome move. I was so happy to have the support that I needed. I had been working 40 hours per week plus the house and baby care. My son would wake at least 7 times per night.

Oh dear lord it was horrible. Did I mention the constant crying unless he was being held!

sounds like most babies right? that's what I thought, just normal motherhood not to worry. Just suck it up I would tell myself. 

Through the heartbreak of leaving my sons father, I slowly picked up the pieces of my heart, and tried to glue it back together. Many nights of wine, and crying were had by me. its kind of funny now when I look back on it. 

At the time though WOW!! What a mess I was. 

Little did I know the other struggles, that I would soon be faced with, would test me much more than a little break up ever could. 

Still took me 3 years to move on from loving my sons dad though.  

So here I am ready to begin again. I found a lovely family day care  for my son to attend while I went out to look for work. Everything seemed fine for awhile, just normal motherhood dramas.

My son was 22months when I got the first phone call, that he has been hitting his head against the wall and the floor. Just banging it! 

I was told by his day care teacher that she was worried, as she had never seen a child do this before in all her years of caring for children. So my first reaction was have I done something wrong? 

Could it be a reaction to my stress causing my son to react this way? All the blaming myself thoughts came flooding in. I had no idea why he was doing this. 

Not to mention, that for some time he wasn't making eye contact, or responding to his name being called. 

This wasn't my biggest concern at the time, as he was only little. In my mind, I thought he is just a late bloomer.

As my first and only child, I didn't have any thing to compare it to. 

I thought he will just grow out of it, or it would just go away.

I took him to Many Drs for their opinions. Most said the same thing. “could be an ear infection, or sinus problem so don't worry too much” 

His day care teacher, and my mother sat me down and said “we think he has Autism”  My first response “What he is only 22 months old!  how can you know that he has autism when he is so young. I didn't believe them, or want to. So I ignored it and continued on. 

My son celebrated his first birthday, it was a happy day. it was 40 degrees that day, but we were prepared. There were 3 kids pools, and plenty of shaded areas. 

This is when I noticed little difference's in my sons behaviour and other children, of same age, or even younger. For instance the eye contact. The way they would look engaged with their parent. The way they played with other children, and not alone.

Its really had to describe, and probably a poor choice of word but, a maturity difference is the way I would describe it. 

As he grew, he became very violent towards me, and other children. Always biting, hitting and throwing toys across the room was a daily occurrence. It became difficult for him to stay in family day care, for the safety of the other children. 

It was insane, I tried to talk to him, I took advice from what felt like a million people. Drs, parents, helplines, support groups you name it, I tried it. 

I would say to my friends, How could a child that gets so much love be so aggressive? I was googling one day as you do, and I came across a well known clinic that specialises in children with Autism. 

I took him to the Dr again! This time feeling confused and hopeless. =(  At home I would cop at least 50 punches, and several bites all over my body everyday. So it was go time!! 

I got the referral, and we went to the Clinic.My son walked in and was on his best behaviour of course. lol 

She sat and played some games with him, the whole process went for about an hour. She then sat down and talked to me.

The first thing she said, still to this day sticks in my mind. She said “when I first met your son, he seemed to be fine for his age. As the games went on, I noticed lots of things that are very concerning”

She then explained to me what her findings were. Have you ever noticed that when you are playing a game with him, when he runs into a bit of trouble, he will pull your hand to grab what he needs. Without words and no eye contact.

I replied sure. All the time.

She then told me many more things, that I will go into detail in other writings.  I was speechless.. 

Now I love my son the way he is, and have nothing against Autism. At the time though I was uneducated, and when the words fell from her lips,

 “ I believe your son has a significant Autism” 

My jaw hit the floor. I asked her what does that mean for him? then said, I thought that was normal. I thought a lot of the things he did were perfectly normal.

I use the word “normal” as just a word, not an indication that I think my son or any person on the spectrum isn't normal. Just thought I would put that out there, in case your reading this thinking (bitch please! who are you calling not normal) lol 

The feeling of not knowing what to do when you have just received that in her clinical opinion, and feeling so alone.

I got to the car and just cried. The main thought that ran through my head, was just worries for my darling son. Worrying will life be hard for him. What do I even do with this information. Who do I call for help? should I call for help? I racked my brain trying to figure out the answer.

I just felt like I was sort of going in circles. 

One of the major turning points for me was.

I was at the Drs one day, and my son had a massive meltdown. He bit my shoulder so hard he drew blood. The pain was so intense, it startled me so much that I dropped him. I still feel so bad about that!

I don't know what came over me. I started whaling and crying so much, in front of everyone. I curled myself up in the foetal position right in the middle of the surgery floor. As my son just walked around the surgery like nothing had happened. 

Now when I think of that tragically embarrassing moment, I just laugh. 

The receptionist came over to me, she was this little old lady. She wrapped her arms around me.

She gave me the biggest hug, and said “its ok darling, your doing a wonderful job”

That day I got the referral to my local hospital, to see the top childhood Dr

I was very relieved. I would get some answers! For a second opinion, and this lady is apparently the top Dr

We arrived at our local hospital. Now as you may have guessed, or have experience with.

My son is not one for public places and sitting still, he can usually sit still for a total of zero seconds. So when making an appointment its helpful if  the Dr is running on time. 

This was not the case! she was running 2 hours late!! 

I kept asking when is it our turn? I chased my son around the hospital at least 6 times. We got asked to wait in an outside locked space because he was screaming so loudly. it was a nightmare!! My anxiety was through the Roof..  

The looks I got from other patients, Its like I could hear their thoughts as the glared at me with their judging eyes and cats bum faces. 

All I could hear was, cant control your child, or what a little shit or such bad mother!

You name it! I heard it.. Without anyone of them saying a word. You know the expression a look can say a thousand words, or something like that. 

We finally!!!!! got called in, at this point he was over tired and so was I. 

The Dr was an older woman with short blond hair. She spoke with an almost regal tone to he voice. 

I thought this woman will have the answer for sure. She asked me a series of questions, and examined my son. I was truthfully scared to answer some of the questions, in fear of more judgment. 

In hindsight as a mother, we tend to blame ourselves for the silliest things. 

I have later learnt its called mothers guilt. Its a bastard of a thing. Anyway getting back to the Dr visit.

Sorry about that little tangent, I do that. 

She said to me have you ever heard of a disorder called ODD? I replied No.. What is ODD? She said it is an acronym for something called Oppositional Defiance Disorder. 

WHATTTT!!!!!! Now I was angry! I said to her, I came here for help! Not for you to give my son a made up diagnoses.

I then asked her, so how do I fix this ODD? She said there is no cure. What do you mean there is no cure? 

She suggested to a program called the PPP Parenting course. That will give you coping strategies, you can learn as a parent, thus in turn help you to control your boys ODD. um NO!  

If it was that easy why the hell do you think I'm here!!

Do Drs like you get off on this just giving a child that doesn't quite fit a made up label? Or telling parents that they need to do a parenting program! in order to fix a Neurological disorder.  WTF... lol 

I practically ran out the door, I couldn't believe the absolute BS I had just been fed. I was driving home shaking my head thinking the nerve of this woman. 

I will say this again, its so funny looking back on all of this, its  the kind of funny that you laugh and then cringe.  

I got home, got my son out of the car, as he is pulling my hair out of my head. =( 

So far I have your son has sever autism, and some made up Disorder. well at the time I thought that (speaking in past tense)

So what did I do? I will tell you.

I did what any normal parent does, ask Dr Google =) 

Slowly typing in the search bar (What is ODD?) As my finger presses down on the enter button, I am then bombarded with Youtube vids and pages and pages of ODD info.

At this moment I'm like WOW, ODD is really a thing. I feel dumb now. Awkward for me, But holy shit this doesn't look fun. No offence but ODD sucks! I mean that with much love to parents out there. Its in short , everything you say your child fights you. They are violent and just exactly what its called. 

I could keep talking and writing for days, but I will wrap it up now with a to be continued!   

 If you read this and this and this is where you are at in this moment. 

I want you to know you are not alone. I wont lie, the road is a long and tough one. if no one has told you your doing a good job. YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB. XX Part 2 will come shortly, let me know what you think? be kind lol

 Take care. From J 

#autism #sensorydisorders #ODD #singlemums #parentswithkidsonthespecturm #lifescurveballs #mystory #sensorykids 

[survivor-of-removal]

Dark Seeker's history summer/ early autum

There’s not much point doing this blog if i don’t tell you everything thats happened so far. It was 2013 i discovered creepypasta. It was an innocent enough mistake. i spelled a word wrong... yes all my pain and suffering was caused by a fucking spelling mistake. Maybe i shouldn't of hated on that miserable sarcastic teaching assistant that tortured me every Wednesday before swimming class. Maybe my lazy ass should've paid attention.

Anyway it was me looking for a thrill. You know, a scary game to scare the shit out of myself. So i typed in "scaryest game on the internet". Despite the agony its almost funny to think that such an innocent mistake would ruin my life. The "word" scaryest brought me to the more sinister games. Im guessing it was like a deep web link or something similar because it brought me to the dodgy games. Like for an example it brought me to a game, can't even remember what its called. i couldn't find it again even after a long deep search. It had this image on it:

(smile Jeff)

i played the game. i didn't understand it very much. i reversed the image search, brought me to "smile Jeff" a combination of two images, a recreation of the real smile dog picture and the original Jeff the killer song. For some odd reason smile dog didn't interest me at first. The picture was creepy for sure but the name Jeff the killer seemed more interesting. Stupidly enough i did some research on Jeff the killer. the worst mistake of my life. i read a story named "go to sleep" yep thats right, the original Jeff the killer story, the one that tells how he became the way he is. its harder to find nowadays. The part when Jeff carved a smile in his face and burnt off his eyelids shocked me. baring in mind i was only in my early 11 years of age. i wasn't supposed to read that stuff. i remember shaking. literally shaking. i was genuinely shocked, scared. It scarred me but for some odd reason it wasn't enough. i waited three days telling everyone "i read this terrifying story" that was until i finished primary school which was after 3 days. The whole summer holidays was in front of me as well as a new secondary school. It was like everything was set up to fail. That summer i looked deeper and deeper staying up late looking at more creepypastas. Jeff was always my favourite. None of the others did it for me like he did. when i went on holiday to jersey the hotel there had about 5 acres of grounds. It had a forest, fields, and a really large patio area (like really large) where the wine cellar was and where they grew herbs and everything. The best part (at the time) was that it was always empty. The only part that really ever got used was the pool area. the other areas during the later afternoon where always empty. It had different layers and everything with a well and small little cottages, some of the places in the grounds were so rural it felt like a country village. and of course in the evening everything was empty. By then i had discovered a new favorite creepy pasta: the Rake. i used to go rake hunting in the woods next to the manor/hotel. i used to have great fun scaring the crap out of myself. now for those out there who are big into creepypasta stuff. you'll know that there's another one, a big one, one that usually sits next to the rake in terms of myths and fandom. Yes thats right: the Slender man.

this one made me almost forget all the others. From a first glance, one glance thats all it took: i was engrossed. For the next day i didn't go out exploring. i stayed in reading about him, everything i could spend hours reading stories, doing "research". The next time i went out something felt very off and as i walked around i felt like i was being watched. i shrugged it off as paranoia but returned to my families room soon after because it just felt too bad. On the final day of the holiday me and my family took a hike in the area near the ferry port. The whole thing felt weird. The fenced off woods intrigued me. something drew me closer. By now i was already playing the mass of slender man games on the app store.

When i got home it was non-stop slender man, short films, stories not even on creepypasta, stories on creepypasta and looking at pictures, videos, everything i could get my thumbs on. i thought it wasn't real. Some of you may scoff at this. Most people today "know" he isn't real. Every fucking website: "oh he was created on the something awful forums, na na na"

i wanted to believe in it, i wanted to think it was all real. It would be exiting, if i was stalked it would make my life a fun adventure. The stupid innocent ignorance of a fucking 11 year old. That was when he appeared in my dream. i cant remember the dream anymore, i have a few visions. One was an empty mossy swimming pool surrounded by thick dark woods, and he was standing in the entrance to the forest. i woke up. i wasn't scared, i was almost exited, but something suppressed that feeling almost. i cant describe it, it was a feeling of difference, the whole room didn't seem right like something was off, horribly off. i was in my room, but i wasn't. i got to sleep eventually. But had another dream. i was in a field, woods surrounding it with overgrown brown grass, the sky was blue and it was sunny, it was sweet. There were other people if i remember rightly but ill never forget the tree in the middle of the field. i went up to it and the best way to describe it is that on the tree, a suit and tie were carved on in the right place like the tree would come alive any moment. My dad woke me up. today we were going to some boats race thing. Hundreds of people were going to be there. i can remember telling my dad i had a bad dream but didn't tell him what it was. he by now knew of my creepy pasta addiction. Luckily, or at least lucky at the time, right next to the massive field next to the river there was a large dark forest. i played around in there. i was looking for him of course. surprisingly the forest felt calm.

The day was going fine. If i remember they had a BBQ on the main field anyway, or they were selling hot dogs or something. Anyway, the day was good. That was until i had to go to an aunts' birthday party. Some people got drunk if i remember rightly and everyone was "partying" a little too hard for middle-aged people. i spent most of the night outside in the pub garden staring into the dark trees thinking about slender man. i told my grandma and one of my aunts about slenderman, and they couldn't stop laughing. i was slightly annoyed by this i dont know why.

By the way if you're wondering how i can remember all this, which if sure you are it's because i have a high functioning form of autism. no I’m not a retard, the opposite in fact, i have a high IQ but do find it hard in social situations and other minor things like that. i can remember when i was 6 for goodnes’s sake. i have a good memory, its never been bad, it's been blurry at times, usually when im... when is... yeah

but anyway i was happy to go home, it had been a long day. as we were driving home i had the sudden urge to look out the window, and there he was, standing there on the pavement. i had never been more shocked in my life, but the thing i remember is confusion. i dont know why but i was more surprised than scared.

The rest of the summer was okay i guess, a lot of homework that my new secondary had set (how brutal is that, i hadn't even attended a day at the school, and they gave summer homework) and of course long nights looking at slender man stories. One i remember well is "the rocking chair" i cant find it again but it was about a rocking chair on a campsite and whoever sat in it at night would encounter slender man. i dont know why i remember that one. i was fully obsessed reading creepiest one after the other. By now they were regular stories, i wasn't scared, i was reading stories at 11 that are supposed to frighten fucking adults. i look back on it now. Maybe i didn't realize what i was doing but now i know. i was harming myself: psychologically.

School began. Or should i say hell began. The academy i attended was brutal, vicious. no one liked me. i jumped from being fairly popular in primary (people liked me because i was quirky) to being the laughingstock and the loser of not just the class, not just my year group. no we are talking about the whole fucking school. for goodnes’s sake, pupils that came from my primary didn't even like me anymore. a girl i danced with in the school disco sort of thing didn't even like me, they turned me away, i was an embarrassment. i tried to fit in but i couldn't. i tried to joke, i tried to laugh, i tried to join in conversations, but they would all turn me down as a "gay weirdo". Its painful looking back on it. i was so confused at the time. i knew no one, not the teachers, all my friends were gone and the ones that did go to the same school turned me away too engrossed in their new friends. i would just sit there at break and read creepypastas in the corner. It was an escape from hell. By now i started getting slender sickness, nose bleeds, coughing fits, nausea, ringing in my ears. and i shadow would follow me everywhere, a tall wispy dark shadow with long arms that would stand in the corner of the recreation ground at break and just watch me disappearing each time a looked directly at it. it would follow me home, i would see it outside, in town. i wanted answers. i knew it was slender man, i knew he was after me. i had the sickness, the obsession, i saw him, i got detentions all the time. i couldn't concentrate in class. Either i tried to make conversation with the boy next to me, he seemed fairly... different... so i trusted him. he didn't make fun of me like the others. By now my new nickname was weirdo. i didn't choose the nickname. i minded my own business. The first week i tried to make friends went so wrong i just sat in the corner at breaks and minded my own business, sometimes silently crying about the lesson beforehand when someone had humiliated me or picked on me for no reason. But still they came up to me and made fun of me then. i remember i had two spots i would hide. There was a pathway that went off the main recreation space up to a fire exit, i would sit by the fire exit door away from everyone watched everyone have fun, laughing, joking, groups of kids like me walking around with their friends. i had no one. no one but my stupid creepypastas. i had imaginary friends too. Tommy, cal, they were all i had, and they weren't even fucking real. My other place was behind the fence. There was a gate next to the football pitches that entered a small area behind a wooden fence. i was the only person who ever went there. after all who else would go behind some tall wooden fences into that small isolated space. i wouldn't eat lunch, the cafeteria was a spot for bullying. no one would let me sit down. i began to become really skinny. But i felt better behind a wooden fence where no one could find me than eating. At this point my obsession with slender man took over everything. in school any opportune to write about something, draw something, anything optional, it would always be about slender man. My life was breaking down. Detentions every day. i almost liked them. It was stop me from going outside. i think the teachers knew: they would send me out early to socialize. Socialize with whom? i had no friends. i only had enemies. People wouldn't let me sit down. they would shout at me tell me to fuck off. If i walked past people they would drop the "gay" insult or call me names. i never understood why. i didn't do anything. in sports, i was always the last to get picked. in the end i just refused to play, every sports lesson just made me feel horrible inside. i would sit in the corner and do nothing. i dont suppose it helped but its not like anyone would pass the ball or anything. they would call me a girl because i had long hair. It wasn't even that long. It was more of an emo fringe than anything but still, it pissed me off, and they liked that. People liked my reaction.

(End of part 1)

[kirankomail]

Slow and steady the love of Besan and Haldi

Haldi and Besan - gold for the skin.

How we women long and wish we had relatives, especially sisters in the US or UAE and they could send us their love in the form of expensive skincare creams; luscious serums, eyecare salve, deep moisturizers, hydrating oil, lip balms, hair masks, body scrub, brightening lotions… the list is endless. Somewhere deep down inside our hearts it has been etched that expensive and imported skincare can miraculously give us the skin we desire and make us beautiful.

The jars in my imagination somewhat look like this.

Like for instance there is an image in my mind (this is possibly a waiting-to-be-made skincare ad) of a woman dressed in thin white cashmere-silk or lace nightwear, sitting over bright white sheets surrounded by wine-colored velvet cushions and puffy pillows, smearing on her cheek an (expensive – I wish I could spell the name of the brand here) cream from inside a glossy golden jar. Then softly landing herself on to one of the puffy pillows she looks at me and smiles like an angel. Oh! Her beautiful hair does not even get ruffled as she falls asleep. Then she wakes up pushing through clear white curtains revealing a face that is spotless, bright and glowing like a star.

Now, I want that golden jar so I could become as beautiful as her. Did you see a yearning problem there? Because of this image in my head (You may have a different image in your head), I begin to think and possibly you have thought this too:

“Is my skin fair enough?”

“Oh, no another black spot!”

“This pimple is never going to go!”

“Fine lines under my eye! Uh ugly!”

“I have to get that cream. Otherwise, I am going to look like some hideous thing.”

Because I hate my skin I ain't gonna show my face! LOL!

Most see skin as fair, spotless, wrinkle-free... Why cant w just see it as good, healthy and well-nourished skin? No, your advertisement wants you to believe otherwise. Touch 30 and the same ad will be so loud you almost won’t hear anything else. While I am blessed with healthy skin, it took me a lot of years to realise I can’t be (don’t want to be either) that girl who has dreamy skin.

Some ads though are ridiculous and beyond compare. One in specific is where a young girl aspiring to get a job is turned down because the color of her skin is brown. For god’s sake, will somebody tell those people skin can’t type or make an on the spot presentation and the least thing for your boss to worry about is the fairness cream you are using! The worst is not over… Heard about fairness creams for men? Now laugh out loud.

This was when I lived in Coonoor. Never used any cream or make-up.

Having lived in a small town near Ooty, and with almost no access to the so-called fairy godmothers of gorgeous, expensive “skincare” creams you can say I’ve used besan and haldi all my life. As per my Ammijaan ke nuskhe (Grandmother’s home remedies) haldi and besan, you cannot replace by any expensive cream in the world. “It’s holistic. The water you drink, the food you eat and the thoughts you think got to be clean for the haldi and besan to work on your skin,” she says. “Slow yet steady the besan and haldi will teach you the art of loving yourself.”  Both the colour of yellow she says are “gold for the skin. They make the skin rich.”

Going back to the old skincare regime.

After moving to the city, some of the skincare regime that I followed religiously was replaced by a 10-min peel off pack, fairness cream, and expensive makeup. For three years I did exactly what every working woman in the city does, did what was easy; bought the creams, went for a facial, bleach and an under-eye treatment and of all these the one I still regret the most is smoothening my hair and advising a good friend to take a chemical treatment for her acne (Don’t ask!). Not that they dint work but these expensive parlour facials never lasted. The benefits of it are overstated. Initially, it was just one facial a month then slowly that became twice a month and left my skin robbed of its originality and glow. If that wasn’t enough I felt as though my skin had aged.

The smoothen hair and makeup days.

Now I am not saying going all natural is a must nor think going makeup-free is brave, but the lust for dreamy skin can be pricey! Forget the price tags, in some cases, this wishful greed has left people faceless, skinless and in worst cases lifeless. The truth is you can’t fight age with a Botox or a surgery or an antiaging serum or anything that asks you to “fight” your skin for that matter. You have to gracefully accept it, love your skin and keep it healthy all along. That is why going back to haldi, besan felt like a good idea. After all, it’s all about loving yourself.

Your skin has a memory. In ten, twenty, thirty years from now, your skin will show the results of how it was treated today. So treat it kindly and with respect. -  Jana Elston

Eight months of natural skincare products and loving it totally <3

Here is where Girija – a wonderful curator of all things natural for the skin steps in. how I met her and her brand story will be up on my next blog. But for the moment you have to know my skin has dramatically changed over the last 8 months and her products are one of the reasons why. The in-detail product blog will feature Girija’s brand and a few other brands that have helped me remove the chemicals and toxin from my skincare basket. (No, we aren't trying to promote her brand or sell you anything. She already has a dedicated customer following and is extremely passionate about her work.)

So, if you love haldi, besan and organic skincare stay tuned.

PS You can’t completely shun away from your current skincare that includes chemicals. I haven’t given up on my red lipstick. It’s a slow process that works only if you research, learn what is good for your skin and find brands you can trust.

[linuxlife]

Linux Life Episode 18

Hello people, here we are again in my ongoing quest in the world of Linux.  So what am I exploring today.  Having in the past used MacJournal and the even limited time WinJournal from Mariner Software.  I wondered if there was anything that I could use as a journal writing software.  Not millions of options here but in the end I settled upon using the package RedNotebook.

It is functional and is more than adequate for note taking and diary entry it even allows you to add pictures should you want to.  So far it has proved to be quite useful.

Funny as MorphOS has a nice organiser software which has a Lotus Organiser look but I don’t want to pay 49 euros and dig out the G4 just for a Personal Information Manager.  Not that I can remember what the program was called.

I did try installing Lotus Organiser using Wine but although it ran the installer fine.  The actual application would not start I am sure there is something I could do to get it working but to be honest I could not be bothered to look up the debugger information.

Which would probably tell me I am missing a certain DLL or something from the setup.  To be honest as much as use Wine for certain programs I to be honest really cant be bothered to analyse a program if it does not work.

I have had a few but to be honest it was easier to remove the program rather than faff on and get it working.

Recently installed Pinball FX 3 which works OK under Wine but it has an issue with sound as it is just white noise, I need to sort something in the Pulse Audio sound card configuration to get it to work correctly but part of me worries if I change it for this stupid program will it bugger up several others.

To be honest I have run out of programs I wish to install with Wine.  Now it would be just me playing with nonsense such as certain remakes from Retro Remakes I have not played in years.

Now I admit when I came into this blog I was very dismissive of Linux and its principles. Now I have become a regular user of Linux and very rarely use Windows with the exception of playing the odd game with my kids.  Now when I go into Windows I find the process incredibly slow, now I am sure I will use Windows occasionally but to be honest since I have the few programs running in Wine.  I really have no need to go to Windows.

Also I admit if I had stuck with the likes of Mint, Ubuntu or several of the others I tried which were out there.  I probably would have given up with Linux as I was getting frustrated at having to permanently live in the terminal.  Want to add a PPA to get a program use a terminal, want to add libraries use a terminal, It seemed almost backwards how much I lived in the terminal in these versions.

Since using Antergos Linux I have very rarely opened the terminal.  I think I used it open Winetricks a few times and also to run Debtap with PencilSheep.  However nine times out of ten I really don’t need to use a terminal here.  Finally a Linux that doesn’t live in the dark ages.  Even if it builds programs from the AUR, yes it has its own terminal window but it is pretty straightforward and requires no intervention normally.

I’m sure some would say that Antergos is Arch Linux for Beginners, but I will be honest with you it has grown on me.  I have set up wrong options on things and don’t know how to get them back such as I should have set Davinci Resolve to use beignet now I can’t get beyond the initial screen on load but most programs work without a hitch.  That was more my fault as I was not aware that was the driver needed for Ivybridge Intel graphics cards which of course this i7 laptop is with its limiting HD4000 graphics card.

I may be able to sort that shortly as I may have to reinstall Antergos to my SSD when it arrives.  The idea is that I am removing the internal DVD drive of this laptop and replacing it with an SSD.  Most of the install stuff is pretty straight forward.  Only thing I may have to re-setup is the Wine DLLs but not the end of the world.

Right that’s enough waffle for this episode so until next time...Take care.

[anneriddle19]

10 Things to know about the social services field

 I know what you’re thinking, “okay, social services is all a bunch of do-gooders” “World changers” “fixers” ect.. Well, while some of that is true, there is so much more to the field of social services and even more to be said about the number of people who had no formal social services training, but somehow found themselves in the midst of this absolute shit storm. Well, welcome to the circus folks, hope you brought some tap shoes and your clown costume because as a social worker you will be preforming in it. Let’s have a look at the field of social services and all of its glory... which brings me to my first point. I know, you’re already thrilled about this read.

1. There are very few ‘Glamorous’ social services jobs.

 I know what you’re thinking, I thought the same thing.. ‘But wait, what about school social workers, they look cute, provide some counseling and get summers off’ WRONGO. If I remember my highschool days as vividly as I believe I do, and trust me I truly wish I did not.. You were either in one of three groups. 

Group 1, the obvious the popular kids..who more often than not were kinda assholes to everyone outside of their group. However, I will say lets acknowledge the ever common exception which is the perfectly beautiful jock who was insanely popular and also the nicest guy on the planet.. right? right. Okay, maybe that was just at my school. 

Group 2, the kids that were neither here nor there (this is where I was) I wasn’t necessarily unpopular, but I absolutely didnt find myself invited to the parties where all the cool kids hung out. The one or two times I was invited I felt like I was being done some type of favor, I remember wanting to ask “did your mom talk to my mom” (this literally stems back to my mom making all of my friends throughout childhood but thats another blog for a day I’ve had a glass of wine or two) After group 2 is the apparent and ever present group 3. Even if most of us dont want to admit it a lot of us might have floated in and out of that one, those were the rebels, the tough kids, the ones labeled as weird and the ones more often than not that may have known the ISS teacher quiet personally. No shame on those kids, I was in there a few times too. Point is, who do you think the school social worker/counselor is working with? The kids who have supportive parents and a great home life.. again WRONGO, those kids that got caught smoking pot in the theater? Yep, those are the kids a social worker is more likely to come in contact with. The kids who did coke off a bathroom toilet? Yep, those kiddos too. Most prominently, the kids that dont have the home life a lot of us were fortunate enough to have, yeah those kids.. I think that sounds pretty tough, I’m sure its an incredibly rewarding job... but just like any other facet of social services comes with some really hard clients. This was just one example. The reality is social workers dont have clients referred to us because their life is perfect. Its often the very opposite.

2. You’re going to get cussed at. 

It will more than likely happen DAILY. You might as well accept that now and just buck up, because this is true in every facet of social work. it does not matter how well you do your job, how great your case notes are, or if you are completely caught up on every bit of your paperwork (dont worry I’m getting to the paperwork) someone somewhere is going to probably call you a dumb bitch, and all you can do is smile at them.. well for the most part. I would highly suggest putting some of that great social work training to use and refraining from smacking that absolute shit out of that person. Take my word for it, that happens to me all the time, I just smile and nod. 

3. Case notes will very literally END you just accept it now

You will NEVER (I’m sorry that’s a little harsh) IT IS INCREDIBLY UNLIKELY that you will ever find yourself sitting in your office.. if you even have one of those amazing private spaces... scrolling through cute pictures of puppies and doing some online shopping because all of your case notes are done. Just go ahead and accept it now and your life will be SO much easier. In the age of technology we live in now, everything has a GIF to describe it. So if social work case notes were a GIF, they would come in the form of an infinity pool. 

4. An acceptance of dark humor is an actual requirement for this job

People are going to say some weird shit to you and around you. Nope, I’m not talking about your clients I am talking.. you heard it here first folks, Co-Workers. Now, let me first say your Co-Workers in social services are your saving grace and should be treated as such 24/7, 365. These people are in this crazy shit with you..so that is why this point has to be made. You are going to have some weird occurrences, and if it doesn't happen on almost a daily basis you may actually be the secretary. BUT, it is so important to remember that everyone copes with things differently, and I’ve found a lot.... I mean A LOT use dark humor as a coping mechanism and that is totally fine. Just know, if you enter the field of social services this is something you will come into contact with. I am always a fan of speaking your mind, if someone says something that takes things a little too far I’m all about telling them to take it down a notch..but if it is a co-worker who is just trying to cope the best way they know how, grin and bear it or walk away. 

5. You HAVE TO learn how to cope with the stresses of this job or you will be eaten alive.

There will be nights (I know because I’ve had them) where you wake up from a nightmare only to realize it was some horrible thing that you heard or saw at work that day. There will be times when a client tells you something that makes you feel like you’re throwing up.. but they may have just gotten started telling their story. There will be long meetings, butting heads with clients and co-workers, lost files, misplaced info, and on top of that there will be more days than not where you bring that all home with you (lets be honest god bless the people who actually date social workers because you are the real MVP). When I say cope, I do not mean go home and go out drinking with your buddies, even though if I’m being honest, most of us have done it that way. You have got to find ways of doing things that bring you happiness and incorporate that into your every day routine. If that means the only thing that really makes you feel better is chocolate ice cream, well I’m sure Sam’s club sells in bulk. If it’s the gym, get after it girlfriend.. WHATEVER it is, do it, and do it often. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had instructors tell my classes that we have to take care of ourselves, and it wasn't until recently that I really started to. It will not only help you feel better but it will make you a better social worker. The more clear your mind is the better you can focus, and we all know this job requires your full and undivided attention.

6. It is perfectly OK to be tired

I mean this physically, spiritually and emotionally. It is perfectly okay to acknowledge that today you just werent as on top of your shit. Maybe you snapped at a client, maybe youre behind on your paperwork, maybe you’re starting a new job and you feel like you’re kinda drowning. Oh wait, that last one might have been me. Just let those feelings exist, notice their presence and move on with your day. No one is a perfect social worker, and quiet frankly I wouldn’t want to be. Sometimes the best thing for a client is to see that their social worker is just like them, we struggle to and remind yourself that is part of this job. 

7. Dont ever forget why you started

Everyone has a reason that they chose the journey of social work. Never lose sight of you reasoning, this is much more than a profession, it is a calling.

8. Learn to love the chaos

Everyone says that a huge part of social services work is flexibility. As a new social worker its incredibly easy to become super overwhelmed when you have a million different things going on, multiple clients at one time, phone calls coming in (the works). I promise you there will be a day where your life slows down and you will wish you could be right back in this middle of that chaos. I remind myself of this everyday. Take a deep breath, you’re fine you were totally made for this.

9. Find what grounds you

For me that’s my mom and dad. Theyre actually the best people I know and my best friends. Isn’t that neat and incredibly cheesy all at the same time? But seriously, whether you are grounded by your faith, friends, family (or anything really) make yourself aware of those things and keep what grounds you close to you because on your WORST days, that can sometimes be the only thing that will keep you sane. 

10. Recognize your worth

Not everyone was made for this field and that’s perfectly okay. Some people love having normal jobs and normal lives with a white picket fence and two golden retrievers. Not us, we love working for little to no pay, with the most difficult of the difficult. Some really tough clients are handed to us and we work with these people to transform their lives into what they had hoped to see their lives looking like. We provide people with guidance and wisdom and hopefully allow people to see themselves how we see them. Worthy. Everyone deserves the right to be treated fairly and everyone deserves to receive help.. and we just so happen to be the people who offer that. You don’t go into social services seeking gratitude, you go into it because you love people, even when they dont love you back, and you believe in people even when they cant believe in themselves.... and that makes you worth quiet a bit, if I do say so myself. Pat yourself on the back every once in a while and smile knowing you are making ‘the impossible job’ a possible one. 

-cheers to my fellow social workers, may your humor be dark, may your people be supportive and may your self care involve a good balance of chocolate and cardio

A