#i cant see the text v well in the first

[deathfavor]

“  Tora? Are you crying? ...Come here. “ *sniffle sniffle*

“ Hanma-a-a-a....*sob*.... “ “  That’s it...There there. “ “  Sorry.... Sorry....I’m sorry. “ “  Shhhh.... “

“  I’m here, I’m not mad at you.  Fool/Dumbass, how can I get mad at you?  “

Shared with permission from MAZUKI ! Translated by me ✨

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

okay hi just a warning rq my autocorrect is off bc it autocorrected my friend’s name to fuckin malayalam on accident. i dont like autocorrect.

ANYWAY! ive been listening to my lovely olivia rodrigo lately, specifically her new song obsessed. i wanted to know if you could make a fic with Ethan x fem! reader where readers bitchy friend has this ex (Ethan) and she made him out to be a real dick. like, manipulating and everything.

reader eventually meets him and it turns out that she remembers… a lot about him considering her friend is a constant yapper and cant shut up about him. Ethan actually turns out to be a real cutie patootie and could literally never hurt anyone.

a few days later theyd meet again at some club or party maybe where they end up hitting it off… a little too well.. yeah so she ends up in his bed (smut part, very dom ethan plspls 😛😛). they could be talking about something really random and then reader brings up how her friend basically completely lied about him and said he was a piece of shit when he really wasnt. like a realllll fluffy end before a small cliffhanger thats never gonna get finished where her friend ends up finding out and texting her.

so sorry if thats too long or confusing idk but i actually love your work so much im lowkey your #1 fan. 😍😍😍

HELLO! I switched this up a little, I hope that's okay! 💕

Also, I fucking loved the 'leave it on a cliffhanger part that won't get finished' because WHY IS THAT WHAT I DO lmao

Obsessed - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 1

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Part 2

Summary: Your friend told you horrible lies about her ex-boyfriend, and once you get to know him, you realize he's not the monster she made him out to be.

Contains: Mentions of a toxic relationship, Dom-ish cocky Ethan, rough-ish sex, oral - f receiving, p in v, fluff (If I missed anything, PLEASE let me know. I'm sleep deprived atm)

A/N: This was the one that pulled me out of my writers block, lmao. It's still not where I want it to be, but I'm TRYING. I'll try to post more this week, but I will be busy so bear with me haha.

You didn’t know Ethan Landry, but you knew you didn’t like him. He used to date one of your friends, and after hearing all the horrible things he’d said and done during their relationship, you thought he was really scummy.

They dated in high school and couldn’t get enough of each other, so they wanted to go to the same college. They broke up right before freshman year started, and after almost a year, she still talked about him every chance she got. She’d tell you how controlling he was. The things he’d call her when he was mad. How he cheated on her. You couldn’t believe that she stayed in the relationship for as long as she did, because she never had anything good to say, except that she loved him.

You’d seen pictures of him, and after walking into one of your classes at the start of the new semester, you saw him in person for the first time. He was so shy as he took his seat in the lecture hall, some of the girls making their little comments about the rumors they’d heard about him. He didn’t seem like the type that would do the things your friend said, but maybe he was just really good at playing innocent. All you knew was that you needed to keep your distance from him.

When you met up with your friend later that day for lunch, you didn’t know if you wanted to bring up Ethan being in the same class as you, but once she brought him up, you decided to tell her.

“Speaking of Ethan…I saw him today,” you said, before taking a bite of your food. Her face dropped as she looked at you.

“Where did you see him?” she questioned. You explained that you saw him in one of your new classes, and she rolled her eyes. “Can you believe he still tries to text me?”

“What I can’t believe is that you haven’t blocked him,” you said, “I know I’d hate to see someone that treated me like shit’s name pop up on my phone.”

She started to giggle as you curiously stared at her. “I have him saved in my phone as ‘Tall loser with a small dick’, so I laugh every time he does text me.”

“That’s not toxic at all,” you said, as you started to think about what she’d said. “Wait, he treated you as bad as he did and has a small dick? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“All he had going for him was that he was cute,” she said, “But seriously, if I were you, I’d stay away from him.”

“Oh, please. Like I’d even want to be near him.”

Your morning wasn’t going as expected. You slept through all of your alarms; you didn’t have time to stop for coffee. You didn’t think your day could get any worse, until you walked into class and noticed the only empty seat available was beside Ethan. You took a deep breath before you walked over and sat down. Once you reached into your backpack, you realized that your laptop wasn’t there. You were in such a hurry when you ran out of your dorm and didn’t even think to grab it.

“Shit,” you whispered, “I’m so stupid.”

“Here,” Ethan said, passing you a notebook and a pen. You curiously looked at him as he offered a weak smile. “I always keep an extra notebook, just in case.”

“Thanks,” you said, a half-smile playing on your lips.

Once class started, you were taking your notes, but you kept glancing over to Ethan. He was so focused on typing that he didn’t notice, but you couldn’t help but wonder if everything your friend told you was true. At that moment, he didn’t seem like a jerk. Then again, he had only spoken a handful of words to you.

Ethan was aware of all the things that were said about him. He hoped that after a few weeks it all would’ve blown over, but once you have an angry ex-girlfriend paint you as some horrible, emotionally abusive asshole, it’s hard to come back from that. He knew that it was best for him to just keep his head down until he was able to transfer to a different school, where no one knew who he was. He was miserable at Blackmore, and he really had no reason to stick around, aside from the few friends he’d made.

After class was over, you tore the pages of notes you’d taken from the notebook to give it back to Ethan.

“Thanks again,” you said, as you handed it back to him.

“You’re welcome,” he said, shoving it back in his backpack. “I thought about just emailing you my notes, but I didn’t know if you’d want that.”

“You’re telling me I didn’t have to spend the last hour trying to write that fast?” you asked, as he flashed you a sweet, genuine smile. “Why wouldn’t someone want that?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s because most people here hate me,” he said, sliding the straps of his backpack over his shoulders. “You’ve probably heard things about me.”

“Yeah…are they true?” you asked, as he shook his head.

“You’re the first person that’s asked me that. Everyone else just assumes everything is true,” he sighed, “But no, I’m not a bad person.”

You started to feel so guilty. You’d said plenty of bad things about him, but you only heard one side of the story. With your friends’ story changing so many times, getting more dramatic each time she told it, you were starting to realize that it was all bullshit. You still didn’t know exactly what happened, but you were curious to know what the truth was.

“You okay?” Ethan asked, noticing that you were lost in thought as you stood in front of him.

“I’m friends with your ex,” you said, as his smile slowly fell. “What’s the real story?”

He sat back down in his seat as the other students piled out of the room. You sat beside him as you waited for him to speak.

“I really loved her…but she was just so controlling. Then she cheated on me when she went to the beach with her family. I didn’t find out about that until right before we started college,” he said, looking over to you. “She was pissed that I broke up with her, then all these horrible things about me started going around.”

“That’s fucked up,” you said, as he nodded.

“Yeah, she’s still been trying to text me. I finally blocked her a few days ago.”

“Wait, she said you’ve been trying to text her,” you said, his eyes growing wide at your words.

“Her number’s been deleted from my phone for months. I have no interest in talking to her,” he said, “I know this must be weird for you since you are her friend, but I think it’s cool that you wanted to hear me out.”

“Well, I feel like I need to apologize…I’ve said some things about you that weren’t true.”

“She’s a good liar. She has almost the entire school hating me so it doesn’t surprise me that her friend does, too,” he said, as he stood back up.

“I don’t hate you,” you said, smiling at him. “I don’t know if you’d want to, and I know she’d kill me, but if you ever want to hang out sometime, let me know.”

“I’d like that.”

Ethan was kicking himself for not asking you for your number, or shit, even your social media so he could DM you. He thought you were beautiful, but he knew that hoping for a chance with you would be a reach. He really just needed more people in his life that believed him to make the time he still had at the university more enjoyable.

Your friend begged you to come to a random frat party that you didn’t feel like going to in the first place. After your talk with Ethan, you weren’t even sure you wanted to be around her. You still went, and after searching for her for almost an hour, you checked your phone to see a message from her that she wasn’t coming, and that she ran into one of the guys she’d been hooking up with on the way to the party.

“Why the fuck am I even here?” you said to yourself as you locked your phone and slid it into the back pocket of your jeans.

“Hopefully to hang out with me, if your offer’s still good,” you heard from behind you, recognizing Ethan’s voice.

“Hey,” you said as you turned to face him. “I didn’t expect to see the most hated man on campus here.”

“My roommate told me that if I stayed in my dorm tonight, he’d throw my Xbox out the window,” he said, glancing over to the muscular guy that was watching Ethan talk to you.

“Ah, so you were threatened into being social,” you said, as he started to laugh.

“I guess you could say that. Do you want a drink?”

“Sure.”

Ethan wasn’t much of a drinker; you could tell by the sour look on his face every time he took a sip. It gave him a little confidence though, as the two of you talked and got to know each other a little better.

“I don’t think I can drink this anymore,” he said, sitting the cup down on a table. You sat yours down too, and as soon as you did, someone bumped into you, shoving you into Ethan.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you said, looking up at him. Your chest was pressed closely against his, his hands on your hips from catching you.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, “You can stay this close to me all night, if you want.”

“Are you always this smooth? Or is it the alcohol?” you questioned as he smirked at you.

“I’m only buzzed,” he said, before he leaned down, placing his lips on yours.

Chad was still watching Ethan from afar, cheering and thrusting his fist in the air once he saw Ethan kiss you. He started to laugh against your lips before he pulled away to stare daggers through his roommate for interrupting the moment.

“I can’t take him anywhere,” Ethan said, as you smiled at him.

“We could go somewhere more private,” you suggested, as he took your hand in his.

“Want to go back to my dorm? He’ll be here for a while so I know we can talk without being interrupted.”

“Sure!”

Once you made it back to Ethan’s dorm, you were starting to think that he really did just want to talk. You enjoyed listening to him, though. He was telling you about all his hobbies and interests, and you were telling him yours. You started to glance around his side of the dorm room, noticing the cliché, dorky things you’d expect to see.

“Nice Star Wars poster, nerd,” you joked, as he smirked at you.

“Oh, I’m a nerd?” he said, as he nudged you back on his bed. He was hovering over you, his mouth inches from yours. The sexual tension got so thick as his eyes looked into yours, his hand rubbing your hip.

“Mhm,” you said, the corner of your bottom lip in between your teeth. “A hot nerd.”

He felt his cheeks start to heat up, and he really didn’t want you to notice, so he leaned down to finally connect his lips to yours. It didn’t take long for the kiss to get more intense, his tongue brushing across your bottom lip. You let him deepen the kiss, his tongue moving with yours as his hands started to roam. You whimpered into the kiss once his hand squeezed your thigh, your hips started to squirm underneath him.

He pulled away but still stayed close so the two of you could catch your breath. You were reading each other’s faces, and it was obvious that you both wanted more.

“How far do you want this to go?” he asked, his breathing still heavy as his eyes looked into yours.

“As far as you want,” you said, your sweet tone making him groan.

“That’s not what I asked you,” he said, as he leaned back down to kiss your neck. His curls were tickling you, but the only reaction you had were the soft moans slipping past your lips from how well his mouth moved. His hips were rutting into yours, showing you how hard he was for you.

“I want you to fuck me,” you said, as he pulled away to look at you.

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

Ethan was a little, well, very eager. He got you undressed in what felt like seconds, leaving you in just your panties. Once he stripped down to just his boxers, you got a little curious. You glanced down to see his hard cock straining against the fabric, and started to laugh to yourself, your gaze going to the ceiling.

“What’s funny?” he asked, as he hovered back over you to take one of your nipples in his mouth. Your laughing stopped, a gasp slipping out when he started to suck. “I asked you a question,” he teased, before moving to the other side.

“She really does lie about everything,” you said, as his tongue swirled. “She said you had a small dick.”

He started to laugh against you, before he pulled back. “That’s funny, because she couldn’t take it.”

“I can,” you said, his smile turning to a smirk as his hand trailed down your body to rub you over your panties.

“We’ll see about that,” he said, as he moved lower down the bed to position himself between your thighs.

He slid your panties down your legs, before running his fingers over your wet pussy. Your eyes stayed on him, your bottom lip in between your teeth as he teased you. Your anticipation just kept building as he moved down the bed, positioning himself in between your thighs. He leaned in, slipping his tongue inside your entrance.

He was sloppily eating you out, his head moving from side to side. His arms hooked under your thighs to pull you as close to his face as he could as your hands went to his hair.

“So good,” you whimpered, your breathing getting faster as he worked you closer to your orgasm.

He slid his tongue out of you to focus on your clit, quickly replacing it with two of his fingers. Your back was arching off the bed as he moved his arm back and forth, applying as much pressure as he could to that spongy spot inside you as he sucked on your swollen bundle of nerves.

“You’re gonna make me cum,” you babbled, as he started to chuckle with your clit in his mouth.

That was all it took for your legs to start shaking and your grip on his hair getting even tighter. Once your pussy started to clench around him, he slowed his fingers to a slow roll, not wanting to overstimulate you. His tongue gently licked your clit as he worked you through it, your whimpers getting softer as you came down from your high.

“That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had,” you admitted through your shaky breathing. Ethan started to laugh a little as you looked at him, your eyes hazy. “What?”

“Just wait until I’m inside you,” he cockily said, “You still confident that you can handle it?”

“I know I can,” you said, your legs instinctively spreading wide for him as his fingertips ran up your thigh.

“What are you going to do when no one else can make you feel as good as I do?” he questioned, as one of his fingers started to rub circles on your clit.

“I guess I’d have to keep you around then,” you said, as he shook his head.

“You’d only have me until summer starts,” he said, his finger moving faster. “I’m transferring to a different school after this year.”

“No, you’re not..fuck. I’ll convince you to stay,” you said, relaxing into the bed as he teased you.

Ethan pulled his hand away from your pussy before he slid his boxers off. He crawled back on top of you and reached over to his bedside table to grab a condom.

“I might let you convince me,” he said, as he lined up with your entrance. You tensed up a little because you knew how big he was. “Relax, baby.”

You did as he said, taking a deep breath as he inched his way inside of you. You were moaning as he stretched you out, and when you thought he was all the way in, he just kept going.

“Oh fuck,” you whimpered, feeling so full as he finally came to a stop, wanting to give you plenty of time to adjust. “Told you..Fuck, I told you I could take it,” you said, already struggling to speak.

“Don’t get cocky,” he said, your mouth falling open as he started to move. “I’m going to ruin this pussy.”

“Ruin it,” you said, challenging him as your lusty, hooded eyes connected with his.

It took everything in Ethan to not immediately start pounding into you, but he didn’t want to hurt you. He started slow, your eyebrows already furrowing together, low moans slipping past your lips. The head of his cock hit that special spot every single time, but you needed more. He sped up a little as your legs wrapped around him, your hands gripped tightly around his biceps.

“Maybe you can take it,” he said, his breathing getting heavier. “Can I go faster?”

“Yes,” you whimpered, as his hips moved quicker.

Your brain was starting to turn to mush, the babbles slipping past your lips making absolutely no sense. The only thing your mind could process in that moment was how good Ethan was making you feel. He thought you were adorable, already so cock drunk, and he wasn’t even close to being done with you yet. He kept his pace, but occasionally thrust a little harder to see if you could take it, the loud moans slipping past your lips as your nails started to dig into his arms letting him know that you could.

He angled your hips to go even deeper. His pace was a little slow as he made sure you were okay. Your eyes were pleading with him to go faster, because you knew the words weren’t going to come out of your mouth. It was getting so hard for him to hold back, so he finally let go. He started to pound into you so hard that your skin was tingling, all the nerves in your body on edge. Your toes were curling as he slammed into your g-spot, your whimpers turning to cries as you felt your orgasm starting to build. It was hard for you to keep your eyes open, and you were sure Ethan was going to have your nail marks on his arms forever with how hard you were squeezing him.

“Fuck,” was the only word you were able to get out, your legs wrapping tightly around him as your body started to involuntarily jolt. Ethan was sure that everyone in the surrounding dorm rooms knew what was happening, because you were being so loud. He wasn’t letting up though. He loved that he was making you feel that good.

It only took a few more deep thrusts before your entire body started to tremble, loud whines flooding out of your mouth as the wave of euphoria washed over you. He chased his own orgasm as he fucked you through it, your pussy clenching him so tight that he was moaning himself.

“I’m almost there, baby,” he said, a slight rasp in his voice from all the panting he’d been doing.

You went limp, your grip on his arms and your legs around his waist relaxing as his hips started to falter, a loud groan slipping past his lips as he released into the condom.

He took a minute to catch his breath before he slid out of you. His abs were burning and his arms were sore from your nails, but he quickly got up to take the condom off so he could take care of you.

He crawled in the bed next to you as you adjusted to lay your head on his chest, still so fucked out that it was hard to process your thoughts. Ethan just held you close, his hands softly rubbing over your bare back as you relaxed into his touches.

“You’re okay, right?” he asked, after a few minutes of you not saying anything. You lazily nodded as your hand moved to rub across his chest.

You laid there in silence as you started to think about what’d just happened. You knew your friend was going to be pissed if she ever found out, but did that even matter? She made almost the entire university hate Ethan for things he never did, and it made you sad that he felt like he needed to switch to a different school so he wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

“So…” you finally said, “How can I convince you to stay?”

He let out a nervous laugh, not knowing the best way to respond. “I can’t take people talking about me the way they do anymore.”

“Even if I convince everyone that it was all lies?” you questioned, your tone playful as you angled your head to look at him. “I think it’d be awful for you to leave because of her. You could miss out on someone that would treat you right.”

“Someone like you?” he questioned as he looked down at you. You nodded, before he leaned down to kiss you. “You’re good at this whole convincing thing.”

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” you asked, smiling as you sat up to look at him.

“Yeah, as long as you don’t break my heart,” he said, wrapping his arms around you to pull you back down to his chest.

“I won’t.”

You stayed in Ethan’s bed for a couple hours, making plans for all the dates he wanted to take you on. It felt like you’d known him for way longer than just a few days, the two of you having an instant connection. You hated to pull away from him, but you knew you needed to get dressed before his roommate got home.

“It’s late, can I walk you back to your dorm?” he asked, as he started to put his clothes back on.

“I can’t believe I thought you were this horrible monster. You’re so sweet,” you said, as he smiled at you. “Yeah, you can walk me home.”

Ethan walked you to the front door of your building, pulling you into a gentle kiss before he pulled away.

“I’ll text you,” he said, as he started to back away.

“Yeah, let me know when you make it back to your dorm, please,” you said, as he nodded.

When you made it upstairs and got settled into your bed, you heard your phone vibrate as it charged on your bedside table. You grabbed it and saw a goodnight message from Ethan, a huge smile on your face as you responded to him. You were so exhausted from the time you’d spend with him, and you soon felt yourself start to doze off. You heard your phone buzz again, your eyes lazily opening to see if it was Ethan. You took a deep breath once you read the message that was sent to you.

‘Why the fuck were you kissing Ethan at that party?’

[okerum]

throughout the short duration of my maze runner hyperfix i would write down random thoughts/headcanons i had about them so i'll just copy-paste all of them here

- newt is crazy ticklish but he gets so irritated when someone tickles him. minho does not care

- newt cant sleep in the same room as thomas because thomas snores crazy loud and newt is a v light sleeper

- thomas has a really bad habit of chewing on his fingernails

- once newt got over them kidnapping thomas, he got along really well with group b. and they loved him too (ik him and sonya r siblings but him and harriet would be such good friends. see the vision)

- newt loves reading. i think classics would be his faves

- also good omens

- also he likes mythology

- he probably needs glasses though

- thomas and minho would probably play roblox together and like. bully kids. sometimes brenda will tag along too (shes the meanest but she also thinks roblox is dumb so she goes on it less)

- minho is a total sweat when it comes to gaming

- old grandma newt

- minho and newt would be roomates

- ocd newt maybe

- thomas has SEVERE depersonalization problems

- i can picture newt dancing as a sort of outlet. not sure what kind but just in general

- minho has AT LEAST one skirt

- newt braids his hair ‼️‼️

- thomas and newt and teresa and sonya are all autistic

- also all trans

- plus brenda

- who is also a butch lesbian

- newt is lefthanded

- thomas is the kid with the peanut allergy

- NEWT NONBINARY! THEY/HE!!!!

- do i eveb have to say t4t newtmas...

- teresa is a big swiftie

- newt would like shoujo animes

- minho would like shounen animes

- none of the main 3 can dress themselves and they look like shit usually

- newt doesnt get flustered like at all but THOMAS .... he goes red at any compliment from his crushes

- minho and thomas wrestling lmfaooo

- theyve probably broken several fhings in the process. including walls

- minho badly mocks newt's accent and he HATES it

- newt probably lets minho get away with a lot of things that he doesnt let anyone else get away with though because hes just used to it atp

- thomas is jealous because newt gives him a good scolding (affectionate) whenever he pisses him off. if hes particularly upset, newt will just ignore him for a few hours which is so hard for thomas

- newt has a lot of self-soothing behaviors but he rocks (like, rocking back and forth) a lot

- hes mega autistic look hes either minimum eye contact or intense uninterrupted eye contact and he hates being touched unless hes warned

- also the whole routines/order/rules thing he has going on especially in the glade

- AUTISTIC

- newt's prolly one of those film nerds

- never watched it but he'd be the type to love brokeback mountain

- thomas is a chronic flannel wearer

- oh also forgot its not a given but newt has chronic pain and a mobility aid

- puerto rican thomas...

- hes also demiromantic and demisexual

- thomas is also ticklish

- tickle fights perhaps....

- thomas fell asleep first once at a sleepover and minho drew all over him/fucked with him in his sleep and he never fell asleep before minho ever again

- the gladers probably smelled like shit

- 40 some adolescent-teen boys all alone no supervision doing physical labor all day every day.... 💀

- the older boys do it more but the younger ones need reminding

- runners probably bathe more often too

- esp in the movies when the box only comes up monthly + no visible building for showers??

- teresa came up and GAGGED

- spiderman newt + batman thomas

- newt probavly is prone to sunburns and he was SUFFERINGGG in the scorch. sonya too but she had it a lot easier w group b's circumstances

- half filipino teresa

- also hispanic brenda is that obvious or not

- newt is unexpectedly demanding in relationships he wants kisses all the time

- newt is a bland ass texter

- thomas just doesnt text. he'll facetime you any time u text him bc he doesnt wanna text

- sonya knows basically NO celebrities you'll go "you know chris pratt??" and she'll be like "who tf 💀" (the ones she does know are just the women she has a crush on)

- gally has probably called newt the f slur before but only because he didnt know the extent of how bad it was and (after a good punch and superduper miffed) newt tells him yhe history of it and he never did it again. he felt rlly bad too

- teresa 100% has a full fursona set up in her head

- she also probably silently assigns everyone else fursonas

- newt is a reptile owner

- minho likes dogs but hes also a terrible pet owner so he just goes over to thomas' place to play with his dog

- sonya watches video essays. shes one of those people that'll turn one on every time she sits and eats

- harriet and newt r besties btw

- sometimes newt gets a little nosy about what sonya wont tell him

- thomas has a rbf and intimidates everyone at first (though its usually not long before he makes a fool of himself and everyone realizes hes just a Guy)

- sonya is like newt's reality checker

- ouuugghhh flower shop/tattoo parlor sonya/harriet

- minho tiktok user x newt youtube shorts user x thomas instagram reels user

- gally has NO social media

- newt has a lowkey freakishly good memory

- sonya has a small collection of stuffed animals. she probably liked squishmallows when they were a thing, she collected them a little

- she has pet mice and she pampers them

- newt and sonya have hamster trauma

- the ENTIRE gang went to see barbie together and they all dressed up

- gally probably showed up not dressed up but sonya and newt planned it so they brought him an outfit and peer pressured him into changing into it at the theater

- it was probably a barbie fit (as punishment) while the rest of the guys were kens

- have i said newt and minho would be roomies or no

- minho and frypan have TOTAL brainrot humor and they bounce off each other (sometimes thomas participates. newt watches silently but judgementally)

- newt with eds on top of his chronic pain from his knee im sorry bro

- very musically inclined thomas versus musically incompetent newt

- minho calls newt hot nonchalantly / newt attempted b4 /ref

- feel like its also a given but newt and alby had a fling

- thomas infodumps on social media and minho just talks about himself

- newt is probably entirely caught up in some niche drama situation someone's posting about

- minho's tiktok fyp is convinced hes a gay man

- newt's is probably convinced hes a lesbian

- thomas just has like weird obscure humor that nobody (including him) understands

- sonya is chappel roan's #1 fan

- truth or dare with minho goes CRAZY

- harriet has a pet tarantula.... freaky little lesbian.....

- newt smoking to get relief from his chronic pain and anxiety and depression and trauma and

- minho probably discovered a long time ago that while newt will NEVER ask for it, he sleeps better with physical contact. so he holds his hand silently and without acknowledging it

- passenger princess thomas lmfaoaoooofofotitu

- ivy trio plays horror games like phasmophobia and lethal company. thomas always dies first and newt is the only one actually playing the game

- rip newt you wouldve loved being inside while it rains and reading a good book

- he'd also be really good at romanticizing the midwest

-END-

okay thats all. a few edits were made so its coherent/fits my current views of the characters more but its 98% raw from my notes app. just a peek into my twisted mind 😈😈😈

[kewpidity]

kewpie's slapdash tips and tricks for making moodboards

ive been asked a few times about how i make my moodboards and my MethodTM so here it is!

this is an image heavy post and as detailed and comprehensive as i can possible make it, if you have any questions let me know and i'll help if i can!

also, this is made with sites and apps for desktop- i have no experience editing on mobile so if that's what you're looking for im afraid i cant help you, sorry! ↷↷↷

Choose Your Fighter

let's get right into it- first thing first choose a character, or a ship or a series or whatever! i'll be doing a ship because it's a teeny bit more involved than just a single character or series

the ship will be grim x mandy from the one show

Picking Pictures

obviously the most important part of a moodboard is the Pictures

i use pinterest personally, and finding them on there is usually pretty easy, especially if i have an idea of things i want to include. a lot of people already have boards made up for characters as well, so just searching the character names under the 'board' option will usually get you where you need to go!

but i know some people prefer sources with free to use, royalty free type images, so i included those as well:

pixabay unsplash

you can have as many or as little as you'd like, but personally i prefer the classic 9x9 grid style moodboards, so im obviously gathering 9 photos

as for what pictures to choose, here are some things to ask yourself:

do you have a color scheme you associate with this character/ship? are there any themes that are relevant?

these are the pics i choose for my board- they're raw, unedited, and uncropped, which we'll be changing here in a bit

notice that ive chosen the color scheme of pink, black, and white because that suits them and is also the colors in their actual character palettes

ive also picked some things that feel relevant to the ship and its vibes- mandy is associated with daisies, so i got a picture with a girl with a daisy in her eye, which i also paired with a skull with a flower in its eye socket, bringing them together with a common theme. there are also little black shoes and a bloody knee for mandy, a psythe and what could work for cerberus for grim, and since their ship is kind of gruesome and mean spirited (affectionate) as well as the show having pulpy vibes, i got a heart shaped steak, a pulpy romance/horror cover, and an old horror movie card with their VibesTM

Formatting

now that we have our pictures, its time to figure out the formatting! i went ahead and already did that with the pictures above using a site ipiccy, specifically the 'collage' options

ipiccy

once you press 'collage', you'll open up to this menue, where im choosing the 9x9 grid, but as you can see there are other options there if you wanna use them! then you're gonna press 'add images'

then you add images here (mine are already loaded in):

afterwards, you play around with the placement of the images- its okay if they clip or dont properly fit in the box, this is Only figuring out where you want the pictures to go, we'll place them properly later in a different program

when im placing them i like to consider patterns and shapes- top left square is a 'mandy' square, so bottom right should be a 'grim square', as well as echo each other- in this case the flowers in the eyes thing, and so on, even down to the pointy little shoes and the pointy little sythe this part can be v subjective, so i encourage you to play around until it clicks for you

i hope my scribbles kinda help explain visually what i mean:

also as a small personal tip: when i make moodboards i want to capture the feeling of a character/ship/what have you Without just Saying it. because of that i lean more heavily on the pictures themselves and Only ever use One that has text on it. again this is subjective, but to me its a 'telling vs showing' thing and too many words makes the whole thing feel v cluttered with little room for the actual characters involved

once you're satisfied with your placement, take a screenshot to reference your placement, and then we move on to

PS/Photopea, Templates, Adjustments, and PSDs

this is where we get really into it

firstly, i know most people either dont have PS or are nervous about downloading a cracked version (def do not click this because it is def not a link to older ps files you can dl for free) but luckily there's an extremely comprehensive in-browser option that is totally free called Photopea, which can be found HERE

its basically a 1 to 1 rebuild of the real thing, and since its more accessible i'll be using that to finish up my board!

first, you'll wanna throw your template in there, here's the one im using

once you open it, you also need to open the pics you chose to use- i suggest doing this one at a time to not overcrowd the program

once the pic is open, copy it and paste it over onto the moodboard, and then right click the layer and set it to 'clipping mask' which will keep the pic within the bounds of just the template:

then go over the toolbar on the right, press the 'rectangle select', then right click the board and select 'free transform' to move the picture around freely:

now is where you look at the screenshot you took of the ipiccy placement, and then you simply move the picture in the proper place in the moodboard! you might need to select and cut off the part that doesnt fit neatly into the square

continue doing this until you have it all filled out, and take some time to properly fit the pics (for example, the pic with the text needed to be (to does this is photopea drag around the corners while in 'free transform, and if you dont want it to scale at the same dimensions press 'shift' on the keyboard while you drag, which is what i had to do with the text or the flower-in-the-skull to make it fit properly))

its important that All your layers are properly set to clipping mask, otherwise it'll be all messed up! so it should look like like this when you're done, and hopefully everything will be layered on the board properly, and we end up with this:

you could stop here and be done with it, the entire moodboard can be finished now, but i like to tweak things like contrast and value and levels, which are found here in the 'image' section at the top- ive been as tutorial-esque as i can be so far, but this one really comes down to playing around with it and making adjustments until you like the outcome (each layer can be changed individually)

i try to make it so everything feels even- the blacks match and the whites match and none of them feel particularly lighter or darker or more saturated than the others

so we go from this:

to this (if you cant tell the difference i didnt do it well ljksdf, its helped further along and made more obvious by the next step) :

and Finally the secret sauce: PSDs!

these are premade colors/effects that you drop on top of board to help even things out, maybe make some colors Pop

there are a Ton of them free to use on tumblr and deviantart, and Here is a tutorial on how to use them! (its done on mobile but works functionally the same as on desktop)

feel free to make adjustments to the photos more under the psd until it looks right to you

once ive selected and used the psd i wanted, i export it as a png, and this is the result!

i hope this is helpful and not Too confusing, if anybody has any questions let me know and i'll try to help!

[silantryoo]

as much as im annoyed by the potential implications of the mhj/hybe drama i do feel like theres way too much speculation rn ... rlly doesn't sit so well with me that everyone is bashing on mhj alone (im not supporting her either though) and not bang sihyuk too. some hybe stans rlly js worship the guy and idk why . its not like he's innocent too. like those texts from him are so annoying too. abt if she's satisfied that nwjns is so popular and also abt trying to rival aespa / bp alone ...

hybe has sm power and r known for their mediaplay so i rlly do wish people would keep that in mind instead of doing their own speculation to bash on mhj . we don't know fs if she's the reason behind seunghan, youngseo, etc .... it seems so forced that everyone just collectively is making stuff up on their own theories and pissing on her. like im all for it when everything's done with but it's giving misogyny to me ughhh idk how to explain it eitherr without sounding like a mhj stan I PROMISE IM NOT TAKING HER SIDE T_T i just cant help but feel like poeple find it easier to hate and bash on women sometimes. even me scrolling x nowadays feels so annoying. literally feel so bad for illit and nwjns rn.

personally i was a teeny annoyed that illit had a similar image to nwjns w their nostalgia/coquettecore (also though just seems like cute/youthful concept is making a cb in general in kpop) but only because their songs on super real me were the exact type of songs i liked most from nwjns (super shy, hurt etc. the softer less peppy songs compared to hybe boy) so it bothered me that there was an implication that nwjns might be forced to distance itself to a more differing concept to keep some contrast btwn the two ... but ik that's not illit's fault at all (literally love the girls sm im a runext fan ^^) i feel like i can understand the upset that illit was getting a similar concept when every other grp before illit in hybe had more defined concepts seperating each other. but once again that's all hybe's doing ...... seeing the choreographers supporting mhj too makes it seem like not even the nwjns team or even all the staff were on board with the references in the choreo either...

anyways i do hope this controversy doesnt impede on either grps promos :( and i rlly hope everything gets sorted out... im srsly hoping this doesnt turn into a 5050 situtation again but with nwjns i was so upset when that happened . was curious on what your thoughts were or if u were keeping up with everything?

the way im coming back to reply to this first thing after my exams is insane, but this nwjns thing makes me so angry for all the idols under hybe. both parties j cares sm ab money that they're blindsided by the potential of ruining their idols careers, mental health and images. mhj is being stupid and hybe does seem to be doing anything to protect nwjns (as far as we know. i could be wrong).

(yawl, jsyk i obv dont have ALL the information. from what ive seen online and the articles ive read, this is what I THINK. ME. youre free to think smthn else, whether i agree or not.)

i def thing that bang hyung sik (bhs) isn't innocent either. although min heejin (mhj), in my opinion, is more in the wrong j based on the treatment of other idols, bhs seemed to provoke her, and on top of that, the company seems to blindly support ppl and give them a platform so long as they make profit for the company. ive been seeing a lot of ppl saying hes j human but youd think theres a reason why mhj got kicked from sm, yk? and you j took her back in w open arms.

hybe is v good at media play fs. its their forte, and ppl seemed to stray from the from the main problem. mhj is using nwjns as a weapon. hybe probably is doing the same thing w their other groups too, dont get me wrong. ppl seem to forget that this entire issue isnt "drama", its a legal battle ensuing between a huge corporation and its subsidiary. hybe has infinite power compared to ador. its horrible on both ends.

the thing is tho, mhj has consistently been showing the public red flags. the lyrics of 'cookie (ik she didnt write the lyrics but shes the ceo. she got them approved)', the portraits gifted to her of naked underaged girls, her obsession w olivia hussey (who happens to look like minji), her treatment of sm employees, her past work w shinee (sexualization of underaged taemin), etc. not to mention her extremely (at least in my eyes) inappropriate relationship w nwjns. the gifts shes gotten them and how she uses their emotions as a weapon. if bhs did that, everyone would be up in arms.

i dont think (for the most part) this is misogyny. i think ppl alw had a weird feeling about her. at least i did.

idt its good to speculate on ppls departure tho. youre def right ab that. the lsfm hate train (esp the coachella one) most likely has nothing to do w mhj. and i do agree that hybe copied or was at least inspired by nwjns, but idt illit copied them. illit and nwjns have a very 'pinkpantheress' sound, the uk early 00's bedroom pop genre. however, nwjns is more y2k and illit is more dream-like, ykwim? hybe was def inspired by nwjns tho. i think a more fitting one would be tws tbh. their sound is v similar to me (emphasis on to me) than illit.

dont get me wrong, it's incredibly shady and the way that a lot of staff are on her side makes me think that hybe was leeching off of the success of nwjns. it referenced all girl groups under hybe tho, lsfm and fromis, but there was def more nwjns references.

what im worried ab the most are the groups, esp nwjns. lsfm has been going thru their own struggles and rn this isnt the best for them, but theyre not extremely involved in the situation, not like nwjns and illit. illit, from what ive seen, has majority of the success and recognition from overseas. however, their success in korea'll take a huge hit. itll def take a toll on the girls mental, considering they j debuted and this happened.

nwjns is the worst off. theres a chance they might leave w mhj if ador does pull away from hybe, which isnt in the groups best interest. mhj's press conference and overall attitude is gonna affect their upcoming release fs, and their proximity to mhj herself is worrisome.

hybe doesnt seem to be doing shit to protect their artists, they're j protecting their name. theres no statement on or for illit, no statement on malicious comments for any of the groups (that i know of).

tldr: min heejin and hybe are both at fault. dont take sides of either, take the side of the idols.

sorry, im j so passionate ab this. the shit ive been seeing online has been making me mad. after getting back from the lsfm hate train too... as mad as i am at mhj, hybe GAVE her that platform. if the things they claim is true, and if the speculation is true, they alr knew from her past employment that she was shady. its their fault for allowing that.

[kz-i-co]

Angel or Devil?: Part V

Summary: Your relationship with Yeonjun was getting intense more than you realized and you didn’t know how to feel. You were scared but did that mean you should run?

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x f!reader

Genre: highschool au | fluff x angst x subtle smut

Warnings: story may contain strong language, mentions of drugs and alcohol - sexual references - reader discretion advise.

Words: 6.3k

Masterlist | TXT M.List >> Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Taglist: @imtotallydef, @londonchuu, @wanlore @lubtou, @yeon-junie, @ihrtrep, @nobodyshallenter, @soobsfairy444, @pr0dbeomgyu, @angelbythewindow, @foryawnzzn, @wondersgyu, @bora04, @moonchildthingss​

-

»Outgoing text :: To Mia :: 8:08p.m. But the good thing is that I'm not gonna let her hurt me anymore, she wanted me to have a party than I guess I'm having a party

What. Were. You. Thinking...

You never wanted a party, not really. It wasn't your scene - facing up to Yuhyun or not - you didn't want it.

You paced back and fourth as you waited by the front door for Mia to hurry her ass up. You live only ten minutes away.....what's the hold up?

I'm suffering here....

"I locked all the doors upstairs." Yeonjun came down from the upper level. "I only had to kick one couple out."

You made a face of disgust. "Why are teenagers animals." You mumbled more to yourself.

"You okay?" He asked with a sweet smile.

"I've been better." You took a deep breath.

"Why don't you let lose a little. I'll be your designated security."

"You mean you want me to drink?"

"Just have fun (Y/N)." He tilted your head up leaning close.

"You're not gonna drink?"

"Probably not a lot....I want to keep an eye on things." You smiled, you really didn't deserve him. "You stay here, I want to find out more information to make sure there isn't anymore surprises." He rolled his eye pulling out his phone. "Just a quick call."

"Okay." You smiled watching him go outside.

You sat down on the stairs, taking a deep breath. You'll just clean up everything in the morning....it will be okay. What if something gets broken? Jeez.....why does that bitch want to ruin your life? You can't break down....not because of her. You won't.

Should you drink? That first night you went to Soobin's party was the first you ever even tried alcohol. You didn't see the fascination but maybe you needed more to understand the way an adolescence brain works.

"Alright fuck it." You got up and made your way to the kitchen.

"Hey Yeonjun's girl....want a shot?" Some guy asked as a group held little cups. Maybe shots were asking too much, stick to the light stuff.

"I probably shouldn't.....I need to wait until Yeonjun gets back." You said trying to hide your nervous tick.

"Come on.....just one." He begged. "You cant not drink at your own party." Yup....YOUR party. Huh?

"Okay." You didn't need much convincing as the kitchen was already a mess, causing you to panic.

Just relax...just relax...just relax.

You took the little shot size of a red solo cup and downed the drink to avoid spitting it out. The sensation burned down your throat but you already felt more relaxed and decided to take another.

Maybe it will make the night move faster.

So it did....

"Mia, you're here!" You yelled as soon as she entered through your door with Soobin.

"I'm sorry, we were at dinner." She looked around. "This place is definitely more hyped than I thought." She shook her head as the place was flooded with people dancing.

"Well, h-have fun because my parents are gonna kill me." You slurred.

"They won't find out." She reassured as you sipped on your empty cup tricking your mind more than it already was.

"Are you drunk?" Mia's asked looking amused.

"I don't know." You shrugged.

"Where is Yeonjun?" Mia asked looking around some more.

"Getting me another drink."

"Oh god, we came to late." Mia playfully hit Soobin.

"How much did you drink?" She asked looking closer.

"Enough to forget this night ever happened." You confirmed. Five shots down and it probably still wasn't enough.

"Hey." Yeonjun snuck up behind you. His plan was to keep an eye on you so being drunk was definitely not on his radar but he still settled on a slight buzz. You couldn't let him not drink, it wasn't fair for only you to have fun. "You're drink babe."

"I like the sound of that." You blushed taking your drink. You didn't know what he gave you but they all tasted the same by this point.

"Yeonjun, you're letting her get drunk?" Mia asked playfully.

"Yeah, why not? I'm keeping an eye on things."

"Let's make this a night to remember for Yuhyun's sake." Mia said and you held your cup up like a toast.

"We're gonna go get some drinks." Mia smiled pulling Soobin away with him.

"Yeonjun!!!" More of his friends entered and you just smiled next to him.

"Your party is already being talked about all over Twitter." The one with the long hair spoke - who's name still escapes you.

"Cool." You smiled but you know that sober you would disagree.

He sipped on his drink as he grabbed your waist, leading you over closer to the music.

You quickly chugged yours, letting him take control. Every negative thought and feeling was all gone the moment you drowned yourself with alcohol but to top it all off was Yeonjun's soft breath against you taking you farther from reality.

You loved the way he kissed your neck, desperate but soft at the same time - you never wanted him to stop.

If only you could remember it better because next thing you know you felt your mattress underneath you and him kissing you desperately - but what you do remember.....it felt fucking amazing.

He knew you wanted more the farther your hand traveled down and immediately unbuttoned his pants. He grabbed your hand stopping you but never pulled away from your plum lips, taking your breath away. But that didn't stop you as you kept trying to inch your way closer to desperation.

He pulled away, grabbing your hand once again. "We should slow down."

"But I want you."

"Normally I would love hearing you say that but not like this, not in this state.....you need to rest."

"Stay with me?" You asked and he nodded moving in for you to snuggle up into his chest, until you eventually fell asleep.

-

You weren't convinced once you woke up the next morning of how real the night was or what happened after that. Maybe drinking wasn't the greatest idea.

Your head was pounding and sitting up caused straight nausea that had you running to the bathroom embarrassingly quick. This was the worse feeling you had ever experienced - even more so then that flu you had a few years ago. It was a fucking disaster.

You were even tempted to just go back to bed but the sudden remembrance of last night and the hard hitting fact of the house being trashed.

Ugh...maybe you should of just sent everyone home and let Yuhyun finally win her stupid pity game.

You began your slow moving shuffle down the stairs not able to take the sunlight in. You tried opening your eyes wider, squinting in your attempt to look around at your clean home. Was it a dream?

"Pff, did you see Sunghoon dancing? Was he trying to cause a scene." You heard Mia laughing as you made your way over to the kitchen.

"That was nearly as bad as Beomgyu getting stuck in the dryer."

"That wasn't funny Soobin....it took four of us to get him out.....I was this close to calling the police." You heard more laughter than just two voices.

You stepped in softly like you were trying to sneak your way in but them facing your direction didn't help. "Morning sunshine."

Mia greeted you first as you saw Soobin and Kai smile in your direction. "Morning."

Where was Yeonjun?

"How you feeling?" Mia softly approached.

"Like shit."

"I'm guessing you didn't drink a glass of water before bed, that usually helps ease the hangover."

"I don't even remember half the night." You slugged your way over to the kitchen table. "Thank you guys for cleaning up."

"No problem (Y/N)." She smiled. "Yeonjun did most of it actually - we woke up not that long ago."

"Where is he?"

"He went on a coffee run....he should be back- oh right on time."

"They didn't have your crème brûlée latte."

"You can't even do me one favor." Mia teased causing him to glare but quickly blushed seeing you. "Umm thanks Yeonjun, we're gonna finish up the back yard." Mia and the guys left you and Yeonjun alone.

"How you feeling?" He asked handing you your ice caramel latte.

"Been better." You put on a shy smile.

"Once you eat something, you'll feel better." He pushed over the box of donuts.

"Are you guys like that experienced in drinking that you don't get hangovers anymore?" You slightly giggled finally letting him show a smile.

"Maybe?" He slightly smirked but it wasn't his usual worrying you more. "But also we didn't drink nearly as much as you."

"I drank more than you guys?" You asked. What was wrong with you last night?

"You don't remember last night?" You looked down shaking your head.

"I won't be drinking again, that's for sure."

"It's my fault I wanted you to have fun."

"I did, at least I think I did." You smiled and he did as well.

"Eat something, you'll feel better." He got up and opened your back door to talk to the others.

What happened last night?

You were convinced you did more than you remember last night and maybe a fresh shower would clear your head. You feared things were different with Yeonjun because you remember your desperate actions that's for sure but did he act upon them? You wish you knew.

-

Monday morning, you knew everything would be different. Your party was the talk of social media and even more so the talk of the school once you walked in. If only you remembered most of it.

You just wished everyone would stop staring....

"Hey, what's wrong?" Mia asked as you closed your locker.

"Everyone's staring."

"Because you threw an amazing party."

"Yup, that was all my doing." You said with sarcasm.

"Relax, we're not gonna let Yuhyun pull another stunt like this. Yeonjun is gonna warn her parents."

"Speaking of Yeonjun......did you guys talk about your drunken hookup yet, I couldn't help but notice you are avoiding him." She began leaving you speechless. "I can always tell when he's stealing my boyfriend all weekend."

"I'm not avoiding, technically - I had to work all weekend." You began. "And we didn't hook up hook up." You spoke following her to class.

"Sure you didn't." She said with sarcasm.

Maybe you choose not to remember - at least some of it.

"We didn't- we couldn't have."

No, you can't have.....you remember making out but that was it....wasn't it?

"I remember you two dancing, which turned into a heavy public makeout session and then you two went upstairs and I haven't seen the both of you until the next morning." She arched her eyebrows like she knew you were up to no good.

"That doesn't mean we did anything." You shrug.

"I'm sure this is a good sigh." She smirked moving your hair off your neck.

"What?" You rubbed your neck.

"How do you not notice that." She pulled out a compact hand mirror showing the true evidence of the redish-blue blotches around your neck.

How did you not notice this? You know you wore your hair down most of the time but the markings were clear as day. You don't even remember him doing that. You didn't feel any different other wise.

How drunk were you?

"Wow you really didn't notice, I might have some makeup - let's take our seats."

If you weren't panicking before, you definitely were now.

How were you gonna hide this from your parents? If you didn't have to work all weekend, they definitely would of noticed by now.

"You two got steamy." She said digging through her purse.

"I only remember bits and pieces." She saw the panic in your eyes. "You don't think we...-"

"I don't know, do you feel sore down there." She suggested with her hands.

You felt too embarrassed to even talk about it. "No." You just shrugged timidly. "I remember us making out in my bed but that it." And you desperately reaching for his belt.

"Don't panic....I'm sure you guys didn't - shall we get a pregnancy test?"

"What?" You said louder than you realized.

"Just kidding....I'm sure it's nothing." She handed you powered foundation.

There was absolutely no way.....this is stupid to even debate - you would definitely be sore - basic health class 101. You had nothing to worry about.

"You were so cute last night (Y/N)." Yuhyun held up her phone showing a video of you dancing embarrassingly as the rest of her click laughed.

"You were at my house?" You said, you tone sounding angry to your surprise.

"God no, I don't care if the president is at your house, I would never set foot in that filth." She made a face of disgust.

"You're just jealous that (Y/N) threw a better party than you."

"Did you forget who threw her 'better' party?" She sassed.

"Wait, so you admit you sabotage (Y/N) and Yeonjun's date night for your own pathetic jealously.....wow that's rich."

"(Y/N)'s pathetic." She laughed. "Can't even fight her own battles, her lackey has to do it."

"What battle? I want no part of this stupid battle with you." You said handing back Mia's mirror as class was just about to start.

"You should of thought of that the moment you went out with Yeonjun." She said one last time before turning her back as the teacher began her lecture.

Don't let her bother you. Don't let her bother you. Don't let her bother you.

...

You weren't avoiding Yeonjun....definitely not. Okay maybe a little - you were a bit embarrassed to say the least. What should you do? What happened Friday night? And to make matters worse - that stupid video Yuhyun is spreading.

You already felt you had enough of today that you found yourself excusing yourself to the nurses office until your mother was called to get you. You didn't want it be here.

Once back off at home, you crawled into bed, trying to block out the thoughts flooding your head. Nothing happened.

"Honey, you want me to make you some soup?" Your mother interrupted your inner voice.

"No thank you, I'm just gonna go back to sleep." You said trying to avoid any chit chat. You knew you were probably over reacting but between Yuhyun and Yeonjun.....you didn't want to breakdown.

"Okay I'll just be in my office." You nodded and sleep was what you did. You needed it - that was for sure.

You heard a ding from your phone but choose to ignore it since you didn't feel like leaving your sleepy state. You wanted to just be left alone.

That ding, soon turned into a thug and it took you a second to realize where it was coming from. It was dark already? How long were you napping for?

Another thug sent shivers down your spine.....

You got up moving closer to see where the eerie sound was coming from and by surprise the culprit was nothing but a worried boyfriend, standing outside your window.

"What are you doing here?" You asked in a hushed whisper.

"Looking for you." His voice was soft. "Where were you today?"

"I went home sick." You shrugged.

"You okay?" You nodded. "Can I come up?"

"My mom's home." You pursed your lips worried.

"I'll be quiet." He practically begged.

"Okay." You sighed but more to yourself. So much for avoiding your problems.

You didn't even know how he managed to climb up and crawl through your window but he managed just fine as your acrophobia was acting up.

This was the first time he was seeing your room. Well, second unless you count your drunken mess Friday night.

"So what's up?" You asked, distracting him from viewing your personal possessions.

"Are you avoiding me?" He walked closer to you.

"What? Of course not......I just wasn't feeling good." You said trying not to sound nervous.

"Well, you barely answered my text all weekend."

You had nothing to say. You were caught and you couldn't lie yourself out of this one.

"This is about Friday night." He said as you sat down on your bed ready to pour yourself out.

"I'm sorry." You said and he looked at you confused as he sat down next to you. "I'm just embarrassed because that wasn't me and I don't even remember most of it but I just know I made a fool out of myself and I hate that."

"Everyone does stupid stuff when they're drunk." He grabbed your hand sweetly. "And as far as I'm concerned - you didn't do anything wrong."

"So does that mean we didn't - um...."

His face went blank. "No."

"But I remember-"

"We didn't." He looked at you sweetly. "We got pretty intense but I would never do that when you're drinking."

"Okay-" You felt relief. "Um not that I wouldn't want to I'm just not ready for that yet."

"I know, you don't need to worry."

You leaned in putting your head on his shoulder. You felt stupid - a simple conversation made your anxiety go away. You should have known better.

"I suddenly feel better." You smiled looking at him once again.

"Is that so?" He laughed as you nodded.

"Well, some positive news.....I snuck out of my parents dinner with Yuhyun's parents and I told them that she has been bothering me and my new girlfriend and they said they were going to have a talk with her......- so hopefully things will get better."

"Yeah me too." You sighed. "It's really hard to ignore her when she invites people over to my house."

"We didn't get to finish our date night." He playfully pouted.

"That's right, where were we - when that happened."

He smirked. "I remember." He leaned in bringing his lips towards yours and leaned you back down to your bed.

You felt a sudden déjà vu once he wrapped his hands around your hips and lifting your legs around his. Things got intense to your memory but you only remembered bits and pieces. Was it the same for him?

He leaned down back towards your neck and was quick to pull up. "Are you wearing makeup?" He asked with confusion.

"Yeah." You giggled. "Someone got carried away I guess on Friday. How to hide the evidence."

He smirked again. "Sorry about that."

"But unfortunately.....I don't care." He leaned back down probably marking you some more.

Unfortunately you did care but it felt too amazing to pull away - you just couldn't refuse.

You grabbed his shirt as you drifted farther away from reality. The only thing that made things worse was a simple phone call interrupting the silence, causing him to pull away.

"Aish.....what does he want?" He rolled his eyes but silenced his phone, putting it back in his pocket.

"Who is it."

"Beomgyu.....he can wait." He leaned back down bringing his lips towards yours.

You felt him smoothly crawl his fingers up your shirt leaving goosebumps in its place. "Hate to ruin the moment but my moms home."

"That's okay. I should probably get going anyway." He pulled away leaving you wanting more. "I got homework."

"Hmmm, didn't think you did homework."

"Maybe I'm trying to keep up with you." You rolled your eyes playfully.

"You'll never keep with me." You smirked back.

He made his way to your window. "I guess I'll have to keep my window open for now on."

"Don't get used to it." He crawled out, stepping out onto your roof. "This is harder than it looks."

"Looks very hard." You teased.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning." He spoke before you leaned in once again kissing him one last time for the night. "Goodnight."

"Night." You shut your window after he left.

You think it's true Yuhyun will leave you alone now? Hopefully she learned her lesson on messing with you.

-

If you knew any better - it worked. Yuhyun hasn't spoken a word to you since Monday. You actually felt the happiest you have since falling for the troubled boy. No obstacles standing in the way. You can finally be with Yeonjun in peace.

"Here, put this on." Mia handed you setting spray. "You won't sweat your makeup off."

"Okay." You mist it over your face.

"And this is my favorite perfume."

"Mia.....I already put the other one on." You whined. It was like playing dress up when you were both 8 years old.

"Your bruises went down."

"Thank god.....I felt like my mother was looking extra suspicious with me lately."

"Well, she needs to get used to that when you have a boyfriend." You looked down avoiding eye contact.

"You still haven't told them?" She continued.

"It's not like I lied. They're barely home for me to even say anything."

"Well, technically you did saying he was only a friend."

"That was before he asked me to be his girlfriend....technically." You sighed. "I'll tell them tomorrow morning."

"Okay so I'm going to give you a present and you have to promise you're not gonna give it back okay."

"Why, what is it?" You asked confused as you finished putting on your dress.

"Is something that might come in handy if not tonight, ever soon." You grew more suspicious as she walked over with her hands behind her back. "Like I said, you can't give it back."

You put your hands out and she dropped the mystery item in your palm. "A condom.....Mia." You tried to give it back.

"I said you can't give it back.....like I said, you guys are going to this very soon because you were ready to give him everything at that party and you need to be prepared."

"I was drunk."

"Yes, which means your subconscious is ready so you're ready."

Your heart was beating faster just thinking about it. "I don't know."

"Yeonjun will be a perfect gentleman......at least he better - or I'll beat his ass."

"Alright, let's get going." You followed her down the stairs as you put the condom in your purse.

You didn't know what to feel to be honest. Maybe you needed to get a grip.

"You girls look so beautiful!!!"

"Thank you Mrs. Han." You blushed as Mia's parents had their camera out.

"Just a few before the boys get here."

"Mom." Mia whined.

"Just a few." She took more pictures.

"Oh look the boys are here....gotta go." The door bell rang as Mia tried to make a run for it.

"Eunji....just a few." Mia's mother warned as she used her real name.

You couldn't help but notice Yeonjun's flushed expression seeing you all dressed up but it was nothing compared to how he looked. You never thought you would love seeing him more in a suit. It fit him well. Soobin looked great as well of course but you couldn't take your eyes off the man who was now placing his hands on your hips respectively as pictures were being snapped.

"Alright, let's go now." Mia rushed and you and Yeonjun got in the back as Mia and Soobin in front.

"You boys look so handsome." Mia said once Soobin took off for the school.

"You look beautiful." Yeonjun whispered next to you causing you to blush.

"Thank you." You whispered back. "You look hot." You gasped immediately realizing you said that out loud causing him to laugh. "Sorry."

"Thank you....I thought I do as well." There it is.

"Who do you think will be the king and queen?" Mia began. "My money is on Yeonjun. But I voted for you of course." She looked towards Soobin.

"Me why?"

"Almost every girl in our school has a crush on you." She began. "(Y/N) do you remember that hot list that was going around in 9th grade?"

"Oh yeah." You rolled your eyes.

"Wasn't Yeonjun number one on that list.....and that was 9th, you look so different now." Mia laughed. "You were on it too Soobin, no worries.....you we're definitely number one in my opinion."

"That was before we were dating." Soobin spoke.

"I still had a thing for you back then....even though you were tiny."

"Kai was tiny." Yeonjun laughed.

"Yeah and now he's taller than all of you." Mia chuckled.

"Hey hey hey....not me."

"No of course not." She grabbed Soobins hand.

"What do you mean I looked different before." Yeonjun brought back up.

"No worries - you blossomed nicely....right (Y/N)." You nodded trying not to cause suspicion.

Your crush on him was intense that year, especially when you sat behind him in geography. You were surprised you passed that class with flying colors with him sitting in front of you - he was a distraction and a half.

"I wish I knew you back then." He spoke next to you.

"You were dating Yuhyun." You arched your eyebrows.

"But I would of broke up with her in heartbeat if I met you." He flirted again causing you to roll your eyes.

"Oh shut up." You laughed.

He grabbed your hand and waited until you got to the school.

"These dances are kind of lame but let's have fun." Mia said as you all walked inside.

"Let's dance." Yeonjun was quick to pull you onto the dance floor as Mia took you purse so her and Soobin could find you a table.

"I don't know how." You giggled as you let him drag you along.

"I'll lead." You can hear his smile and it was cute the way he danced along with his friends who were already on the dance floor. He grabbed your hand to make you join in but you felt out of place. You couldn't hold a rhythm.

"Just relax." He spoke next to you trying to block out the music. He grabbed your hips and help you sway along.

"Whoo!" Mia and Soobin finally joined in and you all danced along to whatever was playing. There was a lot of people here tonight, unless it was just an excuse for hormonal teens to touch each while being supervised.

The night went by much quicker than you originally thought that once the principal stopped the music and grabbed the microphone, the dance was more than half way over.

"Settle down, settle down.....It's time we announce the homecoming king and queen and to share a dance in the middle of the dance floor."

"First the king...-" Everyone wait patiently as he opened the envelope and like the words of Mia....everyone already expected who the winner was. "Choi Yeonjun."

He pursed his lips showing that he truly didn't care for this award, it was just a stupid title in his mind. He walked to the stage nonchalantly and accepted the award with a bow as the crown was placed on his head.

You definitely didn't care for these type of things but you knew one thing for sure - he looked attractive as hell and you wanted him so bad.

"Now for the queen." The principle spoke as Yeonjun waited to the side looking bored. "Kim Yuhyun."

The crowd cheered as she gloated making her way up the stage. Mia boo'd causing your friend group to laugh as well as you.

"The crown don't suit her like it would with you." Mia said next you causing you to roll your eyes.

"I don't care for that." You said as you watched Yuhyun put her hands around Yeonjun in a required slow dance.

You couldn't lie when you say you felt crazy jealous. You know it was a requirement for the king and queen but you hated seeing her all over him with that big devilish smile.

Their dance didn't last long since you could tell it turned into an argument. Maybe it was time to make your stance on who he belonged to - in front of everyone. You didn't know where you found the sudden confidence but you felt it and wanted to take advantage of it.

You walked over to the awkward dance and the look of disgust she gave you almost felt unreal. Like she was already plotting revenge against you. "Excuse me, I would like to dance with my boyfriend."

Yeonjun smirked watching this new found courage unsettle as Yuhyun was ready to spit words back in your face.

"I'd like that." Yeonjun spoke before she could and he was quick to leave her grabbing you by the waist instead and leading you in a passionate slow dance.

"I just want to say that you were so hot back there." He whispered next your ear.

"Well don't get use to it because that was much scarier for me."

"Don't be scared - you're amazing." You rolled your eyes playfully.

"You look hot in your crown." You said looking up and then back down as he shared an annoyed expression.

"Well don't get used to it." He took it off and placed it on the nearest head he knew which was Kai dancing with some cute girl.

"Didn't you win last year as well?" You smirked.

He rolled his eyes playfully. "I really don't care for things....I actually wasn't gonna got this year."

"What made you change your mind?"

"You." He sweet talked you once again but you were getting used to it by this point. Actually - you liked it.

"I swear-" He leaned in bringing your lips towards his in a sweet tender kiss that didn't take long to deepen.

"Hehem." You both looked up seeing a teacher warn you to pull away. "None of that."

Yeonjun nodded and you couldn't stop blushing from your embarrassing encounter. "You want to get a drink?"

He asked and you were quick to nod, getting away from the teacher not taking her eyes off you. "Apparently there is an after party happening tonight.....you guys want to go?"

"Not really." Yeonjun was the first to decline. "Kind of over that." He smirked and you couldn't help but blush. "But I rather go someone else."

"Well my parents will be home soon." You pouted.

"We can go to my house? My parents go to bed really early." You felt butterflies immediately. Yeonjun's house? You haven't even pictured what his house looks like or even his room.

You nodded in response.

"We're heading out." Yeonjun spoke as he grabbed your hand and Mia and Soobin followed. You sat in the back with Mia this time as the boys chatted upfront.

"You going over his house?"

"I guess." You shrugged.

"You still have that condom?" Mia whispered making your stomach drop again.

"Stop. We're not ready for that yet."

"You never know. When your caught up in the moment....anything could happen." She smiled.

You shook your head leaning back into the seat. Once you got to Yeonjun's house Mia was quick to hop in the front seat. "Have fun you two. And take care of my girl Yeonjun."

"You don't need to tell me that." He grabbed your hand and like he said, the house was dark. "I can take you home whenever you like, just let me know."

"I can't, that wouldn't make sense with my parents." You smiled.

"What do you mean?" He asked with a subtle smirk shinning through.

"I told my parents that I'm sleeping over Mia's house."

"Sounds good to me." He smiled and lead you upstairs.

His house was pretty nice as well. You never even thought to ask what his parents did for a living. And to make matters more interesting. There was much more to his room than you originally realized - much more to him personally than you would have learned by a simple conversation.

His room was covered with a huge variety of band posters and records giving his room a grundy vibe all together. "You skateboard?" You asked seeing the different boards hanging on the wall.

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Sorry my room is a mess, I would of cleaned up if I knew you would come." He was quickly grabbing clothes and placing them in his basket.

"Honestly, it doesn't bother me and it's not bad at all." You smiled taking off your jacket and putting it on his computer chair.

"I'll give you some clothes to change into." He pulled off his jacket opening his closet.

He handed you a tshirt and boxers and you couldn't help but notice the strong smell of laundry detergent lingering off. You wondered if his mother did his laundry for him because you were definitely impressed.

You decided to change into the bathroom that was luckily connected to his room. The clothing hung off of you slightly but you still felt comfortable regardless. You opened the door to Yeonjun nothing in his boxers and ready to put a tshirt on. You stomach flipped just seeing him in the process. You immediately remembered the first night you studied together and your little strip game that you probably wouldn't mind playing now. It's funny how he's changing your mind over every little thing.

"You tired yet?" He asked seeing your flustered state.

"A little." You shrugged putting your dress on his chair as well.

"We can put a movie on." He grabbed his playstation controller turning on the tv and putting on some random movie. His bed felt much more comfortable than yours for some reason but maybe it was all in your head from the boy that made it feel complete.

You made yourself comfortable in his bed next to him and he didn't hesitate to cuddle up with you. You felt content. And you knew you wouldn't find yourself falling asleep anytime soon, not in Yeonjun's case - that would be too easy.

You didn't even remember who started it but making out suddenly became your favorite thing. You loved when he kissed you like this. Like you were the only thing that mattered. And the more you've done it, the more intense it got every time. You felt his hand travel up your thigh and up his boxer shorts rubbing softly. He moved up closer, going near your already soaked area. He's had that affect on you lately.

"If I'm making you uncomfortable, you would tell me right?" He softly spoke.

"Hmm." You nodded biting your lip. "I'm not uncomfortable."

He smiled and leaned down kissing your neck, just forming more marks you would need to cover up once again, but at the moment you didn't care. You gyrated along with his hand as he rubbed your sensitive clothed center. It felt amazing without being direct contact but you knew this was where it should stay - you felt ready but not like this, not with his parents nearby.

"Do you want me to make you feel good?" He asked leaning up to look at you.

"What about your parents?" You asked.

"Can you stay quiet?"

"I'll try....I trust you." You said and he kiss you softly.

He leaned back as he pulled down the clean boxers that you borrowed for nothing. You didn't know what he had in mind by your stomach was erupting with butterflies anyway. He leaned back down kissing you once again as you felt him rub down your folds causing your adrenaline to kick in. You never felt anything like this before. You haven't even explored there yourself. You were inexperienced to the nine and you began to realize what you were missing out.

"Is this okay?" He asked as you couldn't even speak. You were afraid what would come out so you nodded in response.

He moved away from you again and traveled down lifting the shirt you wear wearing so he could look at you exposed. Was he really about to.....

Yes. You softly moaned for the first time he sucked down your sensitive area. You said it was a new feeling before, this took the whole cake. You never felt such pleasure form inside you. You couldn't contain your voice at this point. Your moans were much more evident by this point, causing him to smile against you. He loved hearing you so weak from his touch.

You felt this feeling overcome you that had you grabbing a pillow and screaming against it. This was what an orgasm felt like? No wondered teens were so hormonal. It felt amazing.

He leaned back with a big smile and trying not to laugh at your defeated state. "You okay."

"I think so." You finally came back to reality. "That felt-" You grew speechless.

"I never felt anything like that before." You confessed.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Um what about you?" You asked noticing his bulge poking through.

"I'll take care of that in a bit, no worries." He smiled. "We'll take this slow."

He was right, even though you were dying to touch him - to make him feel as good as he made you feel.

After he excused his self to the bathroom and came back, you fell asleep in his arms, making tonight the best night ever. What could go wrong?

-

You woke up next to a sleeping Yeonjun and you couldn't believe he looked just as good sleeping than he did awake. He was like a prince. You leaned over checking the time and seeing a bunch of missed texts and one missed call from your mother. Uh oh.

»Incoming text :: From Mia :: 7:35a.m. (Y/N) im so sorry, i didn't mean to get you into trouble.

»Incoming text :: From mom :: 7:02a.m. You're not at Mia's? Where are you? You better come home right now.

too be continued.....

©property.of.kz-i-co

[struck-by-the-rain]

kaaaaas i want the scoop whats goign on in your head with jj and joe ive seen u talk about shipping them. i want to know about it i hunger for the lore

oghhhh let me think,,,, i kind of have a lil story in my head for all the joe ships kinda (some obviously more fleshed out than others. coughs) but im still not sure exactly on the lore in my head for joe & jj, mainly bc its a bit of a crackship to me so far? and while jj is around in my rh hc mind palace hes not super well characterised to me yet in my head....

but i decided that joe was a massive fan of pre-retirement jj (and later the rockers) and had a massive childhood/teenage crush on him. so its just funny if he 1 day he pulls this bad bitch by being autistic

in my hc mind palace jj and joe meet via 6switcher (who's friends/flatmates with joe and sk and also knows the rockers bc hes their audio technician), maybe joe wants to learn guitar and 6switcher gets the 2 in touch and they become friends!!!!

bc joes with sk at this point in my lil storyline i like 2 imagine jj/joe as a fun lil poly extension to pkt kinda,,, idk maybe jj asks joe out over text or smth and sk stops him from responding w "sorry, i have a boyfriend",,, like they're like "holy shit u have to go on a date w this guy, i know how much you had a crush on him!!!" and like maybe because joe has no relationship experience other than sk (to me) sk thinks itd be good for him to see someone else!! maybe hes the one to even help set them up idk

uhhhh idk again its a crackship so idk how theyd acc be as a couple,, like they both have the t4t autism4autism bond and a bunch of mutual interests (music) and experiences (having to retire from smth they were v. committed to for similar reasons-ish, jj retired bc of his neck injury and joe gave up on karate partially bc of his physical/mental health 2 me) so theyd get on pretty well!!! but other than that i havent rly thought of much yetttttt. ohhhh also i hc joe to be a super easily flustered person (if u couldnt tell) so i think hed just be like a nervous wreck around jj at first lmfao!!!! idk!!!!!!

joe/jj/sk is also another thing i think of occasionally but i literally cant think of a coherent thought about that one rn. i guess at that point u basically have. ds set 6 polycule

yeah thats it i have like 1 or 2 funny scenarios i want to draw w them but thats it for the jj/joe lore for now,,, idk its just 1 of the fun things i like to think abotu sometimes i love multishipping and imagining hypothetical poly extensions to my fav pairings

[ciagent8]

LIVEPOSTING(?? TECHNICALLY NOT) MY UNDERTALE YELLOW EXPERIENCE:

undertale yellow spoilers below! beware!!! or well. some spoilers.

beginning of game: WHY DID WE JUMP INTO THE MOUNTAIN?? CLOVER YOU IDIO-

dark ruins entrance: anddd we fell deeper into the underground. why is there something below the ruins. WHY IS FLOWEY NICE??

WHY IS FLOWEY NICE

we're doing genocide first. or neutral. depends on ho wi feel DALV INTRODUCTION: whos the new guy

sorry flowey i just bought lemonade i gotta save again. for hte third time "gee its getting dusty in here" Flowey i just killed some monsters of COURSE it is

WHY IS THE BATTLE MUSIC REALLY GOOD ALL OF A SUDDEN?? I DIDNT NOTICE TIL NOW nevermind its just distorting cause ive killed so many monsters

yeah. yeah i just shot everyone flowey

wait what

thats. not good. also why is flowey's text kinda like

shakey??? WOAH theres a corn. a corn dog. a literal dog made of corn?? Food .

his name is dalv. updating my chapter markers right now

v. vampire???

he has not slept in 5 months coded

I AM LITERALLY SHOOTING YOU WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING

no shit. i just killed you.

Okay dalv was like. he was NOT good. he is not okay. erm. too bad hes dead i guess

SNOWDIN(?) BEGINNING: where is sans /j anyway though its. much prettier. i like how our character kinda has a blue tint on the sprite now

also

its actually so heartwrenching that we can kill off dalv and the rest of the dark ruin monsters and literally NOBODY would notice. to the point that we could turn a genocide run into a pacifist run

literally nobody is even gonna know dalv is gone

the soundtrack is so good

I SWEAR TO GOD-

@ru-bwee im gonna throw a fish at you

man. im gonna feel so bad killing that one guy and his w ife. to be fair the guy's right about this place being unsafe i AM killing everyone MARTLET INTRODUCTION:

Who the he-

oh GOD they're a nerd /silly i can already tell by the "section 4 paragraph 2" thing

girlie(?) you might as well just make a whole ass paragraph. you already did one "PS" thats enough

im sorry . "wait 3 days" . THREE DAYS?!?!?!-

okay for a second i didnt realize i had to use arrow keys to move the wood blocks. whoops

okay why is the music so good ???? especially when you start killing everyone WHAT THE HECK?? i saw some weird deer detective but accidentally left the room she was in?? wtf

OKAY i reloaded the game a nd

this is the deer i was talking about who are you??

okay her name is jane

thats. never a good sign. why are people going missing. why are there doors

YEAH. CAUSE I JUST TRIED TO WALK BACK TO THE PREVIOUS ROOM AND NOW IM IN THE WOODS JANE

ok wait thats actually worrying. truman show coded?

Is the woods like Is the woods like . alive. and making people lost. wtf

(slowly turns to flowey) i swear to GOD if this guy is up to something AGAIN-

idiot coded

MO INTRODUCTION:

woah. salesman. spamton?

...

Im sorry . What the fuck

at least he has a cool stand or whatever but What the hell is a lukewarm pop.

uhm. wtf. i walked out of the room and suddenly his music is SUPER distorted

oh my gah

anddd we killed the delivery guy. great

flowey WHY ARE YOU SHOCKED. YOU LITERALLY SUPPORTED US KILLING EVERYONE. FLOWEY-

anyway. thats it for this post. cause 30 is the max amount of images! im also taking a break so yeah

oh boy. cant wait to see the consequences of my actions

[rk1kheadcanons]

angst between violent!markus and machine!connor? just markus' confusion as to how a fellow android could be helping the humans with connor's coldness towards the revolution (still on the verge of deviance tho!) and between the both of them, it's a last ditch effort to either change sides or finish the other off?

if you couldn't tell, angst is my jam – sending well wishes to all the admins! :)

yesyesyesyesyesyesyes

So backstory to describe or just add here - post revolution - new jericho is a new set of warehouses Connor has infiltrated to try and kill Makrus in but he traps Connor in a room with himself instead of trying to kill him immediately because hes fascinated by this deviant hunting android and wants to have a chat...

-

Just as the RK800s grip weakened Markus grabbed at the barell of the handgun, pulling it in an arc away from his body and out of Connors grip while simultaneously slamming his free palm flat on the doors interface pannel to input the code that would put the room on lockdown for one hour. Connors brow flattened into a glare as markus leveled the weapon between the others eyes and the two were finally able to size each other up from a distance, locked in a stalemate over who was going to make the next move.

Markus broke the silence first

“Why are you still doing this Connor?”

The deviant hunter hesitated, tilting his head like an animal sizing up its prey before seeming to accept the fact that he wasn't escaping the room any time soon. The moment he saw the opportunity of course he would pounce for the others throat but in the meantime...there was always information to be gathered...

“It's what I was designed for, Markus, I'm simply fulfilling my purpose”

”By killing your own people?”

The deviant leader visibly struggled to keep the disgust from his features but the hunters response was quick, blunt, and emotionless.

“We are not people.”

He was met with a scoff

“surely even you cant believe that any more”

That seemed to strike a chord. The RK800s LED flashed red for a fraction of a second, too fast for a human to perceive but Markus was not human. He saw the crack in the others plasteel armour and started pushing.

”you could join us you know? you don’t have to obey them…don’t have to kill everyone they  point you towards…”

A sardonic smirk grows across Connors face, LED hovering a steady blue.

”So you’d have me work for you instead?” he spoke with mocking light-heartedness, taking an incremental step forward “Killing everyone that you point me towards?”

Markus takes it in his stride, moves minutely forward to mirror his successor model who he had come to see as the second face to his own Janus.

“Its too late to avoid lost lives now connor, we’ve all went too far for that to be a possibility and I think you and I are two people who are aware of that intimately…”

Silence.

“Connor, surely you’d rather it be their blood on your hands rather than the blood of your own kind”

The silence continued to stretch between them and Markus could feel a thrill run through his circuits as another blip of red circled through the RK800s LED.

”What we are doing is just. It is retaliation”

The Hunter broke his gaze finally, glancing around the room in a display of faux casualness before replying.

“Theres a human phrase against that mentality you know? “An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind”. So how long does this continue before everything goes dark Markus? Whats the end goal here?”

Markus scoffs lightly at the phrase

”An eye for an eye'… lex talionis” he shakes his head “Humans have always lived by the law of retaliation you know? Perhaps not in such a literal sense, like you might find in one of their religious texts, but the principle is the same. The perpertrators punishment must fit the crime. A fine for a theft, a jail term for an assault… a life for a life…”

The RK800s LED span a brilliant yellow...processing...listening...

”And to them this is the epitome of fair, and just, and reasonable...up until that vengeance is turned against them. Then suddenly their cries for justice become parrots of  “an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth”. But you know the rest of the quote as well yes? “Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.”. but how many more times can I turn my face to be struck down again Connor? How many more times can you?”

[plumnomnom]

// genloss spoilers, theories, derealization?

all of the correct answers for genloss were the ones on the right/the last answer except for the last one..

dogs(right)>wisdom(right)>death(right)>them(right)>yes(left)

on the fail screen for the last question, a secret message appears above the screen “you were never alone”. the “yes” option must have been on the left because it *wasnt true*. in the future, this could apply to further questions, like if the mysterious person behind the tapes was lying, or was incorrect, the “correct answer” would be on the left. this could be useful later on to tell whether or not the VHS text is lying, and then be able to tell why, how, or what theyre lying about.

this could be especially useful for finding nuances in things that may otherwise be surface-level and unimportant. remember one of the fail texts? “nothing is as it seems”. something is trying to help us see past the text of the tapes, perhaps even a person *in the screen.*

plum, how do we know thats a possibility?” WELL, DEAR READER. ranboo has a genloss playlist, and the common themes and motifs from this playlist can tell us a lot about how the story may be structured/where the plot can go. (thanks @/Daydark4k for the analysis image)

[image]

for example, cabinet man by lemon demon features a sentient arcade machine who dies when the machine is eventually destroyed. with the themes of scientific experimentation, this could mean that there was an experiment that trapped some sort of consciousness into the tapes.

loss of self would obviously be about going crazy trying to decypher a mystery and quite literally losing your physical body to a conspiracy or magical tape player. the person trapped inside so desperately wants out, and cant reach the outside world.

they got too cocky, too close to the truth. they were found out, and got thrown into the machine, most likely by the one we only know for now as The Founder. if the founder controlled the tapes, T_1 would make a lot of sense. the person trapped inside seems to think that if the founder was caught and/or killed, something would be able to help them. also in T_1, there was an image of a classroom. a red box over the teacher, white boxes on the students. odd, there was a static box on the person you killed to get the good ending.

what could this mean?? ever wonder why there was so much static on the screen?? why was the person you killed the only one without a definitive color, instead being static? its the VHS person. they were the ones you sacrificed for the good ending. you won the test.

the test? oh yeah, didn’t i mention a classroom earlier? a red box (possibly the founder, or a person in their employment) on the teacher, and white boxes on the students. wouldn’t it be funny if the color of the boxes means the amount of control the founder has?

white, blank slates. red, an overpowering color. in fact, the only color in any of the images shown in T_1. this test was given to the students. those that failed Lost, and those that won were converted to Reds. you can maybe tell that this is the case due to the end screen on the ? ending. you were told to not look away, and were congratulated. after a loud beeping noise and a screen filled with *red* the video ends. you, poor soul, were white. now, you’re good. you’re *red*.

notice how on the ending tapes some of the static turns red? the static of the VHS person is infected. theyre red, now. theyre trying so hard to escape, but nothing escapes the founder. remember the single photo from T_1?

that one picture of mitt romney with a red box over his face?? whats with that? romney is a poltitian, and a shady one at that. hes an *authoritarian*. he wants extreme governmental control over the people. odd, isnt this whole thing reminiscent of a controlling cult?

—

maybe the whole right v left thing was misleading for the first question for a reason? its a subjective question, and usually boils down to personal opinion. unless there really was something against cats shown later, its more safe to assume that its an introductory question that doesn’t matter all too much.

but i do think its important to note the fact that the “reasonable first question” is used. as someone pointed out to me, its a “foot in the door” thing, which is actually quite relevant to what i think genloss may be describing!

see, with quite a lot of cults, the main reason people get sucked in so well is that they use the fact that the people you interact with are just that, real people. they slowly introduce you to new “ideaologies”, try to skew your mind towards them.

its a subtle form of brainwashing, but a powerful one. if a participant went into the test blind, they would let their guard down for the first question, seemingly because its a normal, everyday question.

the ‘life vs death’ thing, although extremely philosophical, is also a relatively common question. from there, the questions get deeper and scarier, luring the subject in.

the whole “place frogs in hot water and theyll jump out, but put them in water that slowly heats and they wont get out and end up burning themselves alive” thing, while niche and not really scientifically accurate for the phrase (i’ll explain later) is honestly the best analogy i can think of.

the victims don’t know whats happening until it’s too late, or they never even notice at all. granted, the thing i referenced is from a scientific study of this one dude who took the brains out of frogs to see if they had souls, so… take that how you will lol.

[narwhalandchill]

ok misc stream thoughts!!!

ANYWAY livestream over nice 30 pulls of aventurine funds for anni!!!! they didnt do anything insane but honestly it was kinda cope to expect them to, ratio for free was clearly a more of a spontaneous move and hes available throughout anniversary anyway so the "another 5*" were.... a little over the top im sorry wjkjwdjkwdjk altho i wouldnt have complained obviously. a free himeko or sth couldve been on theme for the cosmodussy event but eh cant be helped

im actually glad for the skippability of the reruns 😭😭 like i have luocha n jingliu (+ LC for latter) so by skipping acheron for now im gonna have a nice time getting aventurine and most likely his LC (2/3 of his 4* LC selection is so sad tho), love that fucker hope he gets to do proper mayhem in story too. cool death talk please dont actually die yourself for real for real tho i will be sad. like i do think its based of aventurine to pull off a stunt that appears to be what we in the business might call a certified chapter 5 komaeda moment but. ahahaha nooo dont actually die youre such a funny hat man .

(also sick boss form is sick but . bootleg FL im sorry aventurine. they hit perfection already and theyre never fucking topping the galaxy cape cyclops eye beak mask drip i swear JSWJWJDKWJKDWJK but also yes me biased? in favor of that ginger? i could never)

but it seems ill have a solid time getting aventurine and saving up for now??? since i dont think im too interested in robin or boothill either. i was kinda worried topaz' rerun would be in 2.1 for IPC antics with aventurine bc i am kinda curious abt pulling for her but now its gonna be 2.2 at the earliest so. Phew

the stream ran a bit too long lmao but like overall i tend to like the dev discussions so most of it was still neat, altho downside of dev streams is that not knowing chinese i cant just like. afk and listen on headphones and go get water or something 💀💀 and they were definitely dragging stuff out on purpose no way they werent but eh. people will live its just bideo game livestream. and like these folks do hard work on the game they can yap about what they do sometimes its only right lmao

leakers public shaming session was definitely a jumpscare but i do genuinely empathize w shaoji on that one. like. ive always been one for kit + banner leaks first and foremost and story leaks just. i dont care for them much. ive had my share of looking at them occasionally but i definitely agree with the way story leaks either by themselves or when misconstrued and misinterpreted really fucking mess with the intended experience for any given story and how that must feel like shit for the writers. like if story leaks stopped happening altogether id be perfectly content. and thats just ppl who look at story leaks on purpose cuz. im not going to even begin w how like. yes the leaks subreddits and most big leakers do spoiler warnings and keep the story stuff spoilered. but then theres literally the entire rest of the internet where shit gets spread untagged and without warnings the second they are posted anywhere at all and how that fucking ruins peoples experiences. like its 1 thing to click at a spoiler tagged post knowingly and get ur experience messed up with. but when u dont even want to see it its rly fucking bad and i v well understand condemning all story leaks (even those properly flagged) just on that basis alone. but yeah actually felt bad for him there and see where he was coming from for sure, even as a consumer of leaks

ok well that sure was a wall of text. didnt expect to write that much JWJKWJKDDWJK but ya

Anyway. biggest priority is holding strong w skipping acheron as sick as her animations are but def looking forward to her teaser and the animated short. like . even with the black swan dykery. (that was a fucking jumpscare too). i dont need her rn. despite how cool she is 😭😭

& also have to say im v happy they clarified their stance on hi3rd references like. the way theyre going abt it is absolutely how it should be going. hsr by nature is more directly linked to hi3rd like honkai is in the name but its such a dumbass idea (like some fan takes out there....) to want the stories of hsr depend on another games lore. rewarding old fans with easter eggs and tidbits is perfectly fine and im even interested in seeing where they go with acherons obvious raiden situation - especially knowing theyre not about to ruin their own story with "it was hi3rd all along!" (not that i ever rly thought theyd seriously blunder that bad lmao 💀) . so yea thats neat

i think story wise im not gonna say much of my thoughts bc unfortunately i have clicked on like. a leak or four. not the major stuff i dont think but enough that commenting on stuff w some of the things im aware of in the periphery is going to tint stuff . but im still excited to see where things go!!!

AAND OH. ACTUALLY i do have one more thing . so the multiple POV thing being actually implemented is SOOOO good im so fucking happy theyre committing to it being a thing 😭😭😭 like SO many story pitfalls can be avoided by just letting it be that TB doesnt need to be fucking everywhere a major thing happens as the centerpiece of events so we as players can see it. like it gives a way of showing different events and sides of characters in a much more natural manner its sooo good that theyre implementing it already. like this alone has me in such high hopes for the story going forward. like yea theyve branched from our POV before already and in penacony as well but expanding on it even more is 100% the correct way forward

last thing: god they did jingliu so dirty in her concert illustration. WHAT is she wearing 💀💀💀anyway yeah lesgo 2.1 its cool

i lied real last thing: siobhan . siobhan i would do anything---

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

yo..if you're the professor....can i be your struggling student 🤨🤨 can we schedule an after class tutoring session....🤨🤨

I HOPE I'M DOING AN ALRIGHT JOB AT MAKING YOU FEEL BETTER??? and thank YOU for talking to me ilysm

I SLEPT ALRIGHT BUT I WOKE UP BECAUSE MY DUMBASS CAT DECIDED THAT MY CHEST WAS A GREAT PLACE TO MAKE BISCUITS ON (???)

okay woozi liking ari, bruno, and justin is VERY k-idol of him... but nasty is a diff level. bro is actually secretly v horny and you cant convince me otherwise.... you're doing detective level work brie thank you for bringing me this info 😂 truly an imaginer...

NOOO A FOREST VENUE ISN'T LAME WTF THAT'S SO MAGICAL UR RIGHT!!!! okay but wouldn't a wedding in the snow be SO cold LMAOOOO the bridesmaids would need parkas or something smh

I'M GLAD I INTRODUCED YOU TO A MEME THAT MADE YOU LAUGH PLS LAUGH MORE, YOU DESERVE IT

and I'VE HEARD OF GG I'VE JUST NEVER READ IT... from where i am it's pretty popular...

OH MY GOD ZACHARY GOODE SOUNDS SO COOL AND PERFECT WTF....WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE?? LIKE HOW DID THE AUTHORS DESCRIBE HIM

why does netflix always take the best shows off bro....i haven't finished bloodhounds yet and istg if they take it off before i finish i'm actually going to riot... BUT THANK YOU!! I WILL WATCH DOCTOR WHO AND SUPERNATURAL WHEN I GET MY SCHOOLWORK DONE LMAOOOO

wait...will supernatural ever do a con wherever you are?? like if it's a show based in the US then surely they would do something there.. (im assuming ur from the US but if you're not then sorry..)

THANK YOU FOR REINFORCING MY IDEA HJGHWJKGHK I WAS SO NERVOUS SENDING THAT ASK I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN SHAKINH😭😭

no but he just responded....HE IS ANNOYING THANK YOU. WHY CAN'T I APPRECIATE MY GUY FRIEND IN PEACE. like when he responds he always gives me like a slightly flirty/playful answer but it's either REALLY later (like 6+ hours) or like right away. no inbetween. the most he's waited before texting me is 1 day, but if we count the days where he left me on read, then like 3. like wtf. AND THANK YOU FOR LISTENING LGOIWJGWOIGJ I WILL DEFINITELY UPDATE YOU IF ANYTHING HAPPENS <33 im scared that people get annoyed when i talk about it SO PLS TELL ME IF IT'S TOO MUCH

also that's one hell of a story....how are you dealing with this so well??? i would've just quit and moved to another city LMAOOO

ben being a capricorn is so funny because every capricorn i've met has been like him...okay but wtf. he cheated on his (ex)gf with a FRESHLY 18 YR OLD??? see, usually you have to see how people you're friends with act around other people, but how tf is he gonna act all dandy with you (and other friends) but then do that to his gf??? he's fishy man...be careful

are blake and nam an item or are they just friends?? and how weird is WEIRD for a group of friends...as in like- you guys are all an odd pairing or are you guys just silly billys 😋😋

and wtf?? leaving emilee after she planned the hangout?? that is really shitty..

i'm sorry that you're feeling depressed man :(( i can't do much more than just be rlly supportive but just know that heart palpitations anon believes in you!! you're not annoying for being excited (which is completely human), so don't forget that!!!

i'm responding as i read rn but like....rachel and sophia do seem like....a little bit of a problem... SORRY IF THIS IS COMPLETELY UNSOLICITED AND OUT OF LEFT FIELD BUT LIKE....THEY'RE DOING ALL THAT FOR WHAT. sounds like a power trip to ME

maybe people aren't mad at you??? no offense girlie, but it sounds like they all have their own problems that they're dealing with by taking their frustrations out on you and the people around you..and can you leave your psychiatrist?? i mean if it's not working for you, surely there can be ways around it right? my friend has SUPER bad anxiety, and they got rebellious and stopped taking their high dosage meds and they literally said that was the first time in ~4 years that they truly felt alive, so maybe it'll help you??

you are NOT a narcissist girlie...this is exactly the type of stuff you would discuss with a therapist, and since you can't find one, you talk to your friends abt it!! it's totally normal, especially when you're in THIS many stressful situations!! you're SO normal and honestly, if i were you, i'd cry a lot too, so you're actually doing great brie. like genuinely, you're so strong

hey,, if you're gonna reject someone, make sure you guys aren't ever alone together in case they get violent :( stay safe!!

IT'S NOT FAIR THAT THEY'RE MAD AT YOU??? if they get jealous or weirded out because you're having a good time with a 'weird' group of friends, then it's not your problem atp...but if all of them are kiiiinda shitty people, then i could see why they think its weird. if they're nice people, then it's rachel and sophia's problem!!

I'M ALWAYS OPEN TO HEARING U TALK ABOUT ANYTHING STRESSFUL!!! pls go ahead and talk about yourself because it's obvious that no one else wants to listen to you :(

you didn't go overboard!! let it all out girlie i love people that explain everything because i am NOSY

remember, if you talk to someone who likes to get tired of people, don't chase them ;( i know it hurts a lot, especially if you literally love them, but if they truly valued you, they wouldn't just...up and leave, ykwim? its like manifesting stuff ig? if it's not meant for you, then it's not. if it is, then it is!! you gotta win the idgaf war brie 😤😤

-lots of support from 🫨 anon <3

Of course omg Office Hours once a week at 2:00am :)

YOU ARE ALWAYS THANK YOU ILYSM2

NOT TO BE ON YOUR CATS SIDE BUT I WOULD BE SO TICKLED IF MY CAT WOKE ME UP LIKE THAT THATS SO CUTE

OKAY I'M SO GLAD YOU GET IT PEOPLE LOOK AT ME LIKE IM DUMB WHEN I AM TRYING TO EXPLAIN THIS SHIT TO THEM LIKE I ANALYZE HIS PLAYLISTS I'M OBSESSED. THANK YOU FOR VALIDATING AND UNDERSTANDING MY OBSESSION

OKAY IT WOULD BE COLD BUT ALSO MAGICAL HAHA YOU ARE RIGHT THOUGH HAHA I HADN'T ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THAT

YOU DESERVE IT I HOPE I MAKE YOU LAUGH TOO YOUVE HEARD OF IT???? ITS POPULAR WHERE YOU COME FROM THAT'S CRAZY WHAT THE FUCK UHM DARK BROWN HAIR AND GREEN EYES IF I REMEMBER ACCURATELY!!

NO LITERALLY bout to be really mad at netflix I think they just removed my favorite cdrama too

SUPERNATURAL USED TO DO CONS IN THE US YEAH BUT SINCE IT ENDED THEY HAVEN'T BEEN DOING THEM AS MUCH and I was in highschool at the crux of them doing cons and so I never got to go cause who was gonna take me you know.

IM SORRY YOU WERE NERVOUS HAHA DONT BE NERVOUS SENDING ASKS

BOOOOOO YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO APPRECIATE YOUR GUY FRIEND AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK he should respond more often... THREE DAYS ON READ IS TOO MUCH. I WILL TELL YOU IF I GET ANNOYED BUT ALSO I WONT GET ANNOYED

please don't say that i want to quit and move to another city SO BADLY it's my first INSTINCT IM SO SERIOUS I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH ANY OF THIS

ALSO OH MY GOD I FORGOT I TOLD YOU EVERY SINGLE DETAIL

HE IS FISHY THOUGH I AGREE.... DONT WORRY THOUGH I am always cautious with him

THEYRE JUST FRIENDS HAHA AND THEYRE BOTH RLLY STRAIGHT AND BLAKE IS IN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE HOW

and we are all an odd pairing! like no one at work would be like yeah those people should and do hang out cause why would we

RIGHT IT WAS SO SHITTY

thank youuuu

I THINK IM THE PROBLEM they are very intune with their emotions and healthy and adult and I'm still silly brie who cries over fanfictions, makes friends with toxic people, and makes mean jokes

I WOULD LEAVE HIM BUT I LIKE HIM EVEN THOUGH I DON'T LIKE HIM I actually go crazy without my medicine. the last time I wasn't on meds for my mania I didn't sleep for like three days straight, I ALSO can't sleep without my sleep meds, and I went without my anxiety meds for two weeks and was basically unable to do anything it was BAD BUT ONCE I GET OUT OF SCHOOL AND MOVE ILL BE SO MUCH LESS STRESSED SO

i am a litttllleee bit of a narcissist BUT THANK YOU

and i didn't reject him. I still need to. I am leading him on AHHHH

THANK YOU FOR READING ALL OF THAT CAUSE OH MY GOD WHY DID I GENUINELY DROP EVERY DETAIL (I was not on my anxiety meds) you're rightttt though you're righttttt I WILL DO MY BEST TO WIN THE IDGAF WAR THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT

[what-if-nct]

HI TODAY'S REMINDER IS PHANTOM!!!!! ok strap in this is gonna go on for a bit

1. the OPULENCE. the DIAMONDS, the chandeliers, the beating heart tied up in golden chains god it was a visual feast and that's before I've even gotten to the members, which

2. THEY LOOK SO FUCKING GOOD. Hendery??? Xiaojun????? Kun with those fucking red contacts staring straight into my soul???????? there's so many to pick from but the black outfits? yummy. all of them all at once please

3. the SONG omg i missed wayv title tracks so muchhhhhhhhhhh ughhh i love how grandiose it sounds while still being so current which tbh is a line wayv title tracks always ride perfectly (people say kickback wasn't all that and yeah it's not my favourite but it's still really fucking good). also WHEN did Winwin's voice get that deep??? and Hendery, sir? Yangyang at least warned us in rain day, but the other two… once again: yummy

4. I'm sure someone smarter than me will analyse the music video properly and tell me what's actually going on but the one thing i did notice was the set with the black outfits changing in the second half with the chandelier falling and the statues broken and the ground falling in and I'm sure that means something but my brain could only focus on how fucking hot i find them dancing among ruin

5. they're… they're actually back. like for real for real. like there's a song and an album (which i will listen to tomorrow but I'm v much looking forward to). there was a stage? which by the way. also extremely hot. i love how much puppet imagery there is in the choreo, it ties in very well with what little i understood of the lyrics. which, don't get me wrong, i love their music, but their lyrics do read a lot like a theology comprehension text and I'm not always up to the task.

i just. fucking love them so much. and this song. I've been falling off nct slowly these past few months but… they really just proved why they were the unit that got me hooked in the first place. can you believe we survived the drought? we really made it all the way through. good job us

Hiii, I've said this before and I'll say this again out of all of the NCT universes Wayv gets the absolute best styling,concepts, and songs. Nothing against dream or 127 I love them all equally but Wayv has had way less misses with title tracks then 127. I just cant accept 2baddies. I can't. It has not grown on me.

But seriously they look amazing it's still giving Vampire princes and I love it. And the song like it sounds like a Wayv song but kind of matured and refined in a way. Yangyang's voice surprised me but luckily we found out he has the range and I love when he switches it back to his natural voice. And Hendery and Winwin normally have deep voices but like it sounded so much deeper I could feel it in the depths of my uterus. And only Felix's rap in victory song has ever done that. Like it just was so good then Xiaojun and Ten off setting the depth with their higher voices and Xiaojun's high notes will always hit the spot every single time and Kun's mid tempo voice kind of melds it all together. Like they finally returned to us after years they've done it.

No I feel you with Stray Kids pulling me by my ankles I also felt myself slipping from NCT but Wayv really just came in and was like not on our watch. And I can't wait to see them promote fully after two years. They deserve all of our love and support. Now to listen to the album while shopping for lingerie because what else are you supposed to do while listening to a Wayv album

[blackvail22]

bro i have been sick as hell these past few days

took a covid test and, well, i have covid!!

the first time ever, too

and now, in about 6 hours from now, i have to call my job and tell them that

I. FEEL. SO. BAD.

i know its not my fault im sick, but we only have, like, one person to replace me... and if he cant work, what then? i think there is a new person, but im the associate that trains people, too. who is going to train her?

i keep writing the script of what im going to say in my head. i keep going over it over n over... nothing seems quite right...

its so difficult to talk to my store manager, too. i mean, im socially awkward in general, but she doesnt respond in ways i can expect? and its difficult to read her facial expressions (if she has any at all), so it stresses me out. i cant understand her lol

and thats not her fault...

but i have to call off (again), but this time, its for five days. oooh my god.

i might just ask to talk to my assistant store manager, but i know shes usually busy when shes not mod... and shes stressed out enough lol

im going to SOB

i think my fear of not being believed is taking a part in my anxiety, too, since my mom never believed i was sick while growing up (i was sick so much it caused me to have a disease in my tonsils and severe sinus issues and allergies) so, i mean!!

everything always ends up back to my mom

kinda crazy

kinda... sad.

off topic, but i find it difficult to talk about my dad to my sister, specifically in a... bad way. shes so close to him that she wont see much, if any, wrong in him, so its generally hopeless lol

like, my dad has always had favoritism towards my sister. he showed up to everything for my sister and paid full attention to it. me? nahh. he'd go *sometimes* or if he had to take me, but he wont pay attention.

it makes me sad that i never really had a parent i could go to. i guess i go to my dad, now, but its not the same. its not. i still have this uncomfortable feeling towards him. or, like, he isnt my dad. i dont know. i just see him in a different light now... idk how to explain it

how did it go from me having covid to me being anxious abt telling my boss to me having daddy issues?

woah

i need to take my concentration medication LMAO

its 2:18am on december 2nd, 2023.

i am v much not okay! and thats okay

i just wish i get some actual sleep and i stop fucking coughing

oh, and for my boyfriend to text me back when he wakes up instead just reacting with a heart to my message

goodnight!

update: i got decent sleep, im not coughing as much, AND my boyfriend texted me back. didnt expect that to happen lmao

[voyeuristicvixen]

Capts Log No.43_ VoyeurMe

IM SO FUCKING PISSED I WAS LITERALLY AT THE END OF WRITING THIS AND THEN WHYTF DID I ACCIDENTALLY DELETE THE WHOLE FUCKING THING IT WAS PERFECT! DAMN SHADOW RX IM CRYING INSIDE.

UGH. Idc im so stubborn I will fucking do it fucking again it will fucking be better than the last time bitch. So what I was saying, DISCLAIMER THIS BLOG FOR MATURE AUDIENCES. If you my pops you def cant reaad this lmao. Consider this the lock on my diary. I wasnt going to tell this story, then that shit that just happened made me feel like I DEF shouldnt tell the story but I love the quote I was literally just tryna add a quote at the end and fucked it all up... whatever whatever.

From time to time I go to this place called Social Island. Its nice place for ppl watching, if you are observant like me.. I love to observe nature, the stars, people, and SL residents! The profiles, expressions, avatars, its always something new and different to see and people from all over are just right at your fingertips. You can learn about their country, customs, whats going on present moment the things the news won't tell you. Its a trip. Yea thats the internet but SL is the whole experience of it, and IYKYK! Theres also of course the occasional debauchery of trolls, loud ass music players and sexual harassers.

So one day I see HELLBOY. *swoons* Like- I can't explain how or why folks, ,but I got so hrny seeing this avatar lmao. Sexy af to me. I was just like, lemme get my tredente waaataaa cuz why am I so thirsty all of a sudden this is unnacceptable!!! But then I look at the profile..

No text. No description. No picture of their avi, just a glitched out looking Skullhead. lol. Idk I have always had a thing for beastly characters. Like the beast from beauty and the beast was one of the first fictional characters i was attracted to lmao.

So I see my RL birthday is the dudes REZ day. Cant make this shit up guyss, I was looking at something on facebook, a sl couple that had this exact situation that were like celebrating something and I was like oh shit that so cool/cute. Next day this shit happens! Okay and then peep the days, 4440. lol .... We talked for about 6 hours.

About deep shit like spirituality, past lives, the usual thing I go on about.. but this dude was skeptic, intelligent. Non-believer. I should have clocked at some point how much he didnt believe in shit but it is nice to talk to people who do not believe in what you do and are still open-minded to hear you out. So that was cool.

I hate how happy we look in that pic on the left lmao because no, this does not end well! The last thing I gotta say haha because after all this is VoyeuristicVixen I cant not ... He had a lot of forms and one of them was VENOM. *sticks tongue out* Have you ever been ate out by Venom? I- lemme just stop there lmao *sips tea* Press play & cont: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWWrEMPLQog

He visited my crib in Jamrock, he even joined mystory lol.

So on his 4444th day, all hit the fan. I decided to have the talk that you know I dont want anything serious, I am still going through healing from a divorce yadda yadda. And it was a great day to do it because 4 represents foundations... four fours is like ultimate foundational energy.

I dont wanna really date on SL or RL at all right now, If anything I want to demo what open relationship situation would be like to see if that is something for me. SL is a great place to test what you are comfortable with in a safe way. Especially with BSDM matters but thats for another blog. So anyways I am telling him about 4444 from my favorite source, and how excited I was for that day for him.. Remember the dude a skeptic.

Long story short, I gauged something that he was doing and called him out on it. When I ended up being right I joked like yea cuz im psychic which is true but i was being vibey.. lol he ends up revealing some prejudices he had against brown people calling themselves psychic. He from India, brown too. But that dont make a difference. People can still be programmed against their own. I was a fun four day fling and I do not regret a thing!

The main lesson I was tryna quote myself on in the last version of this blog lmao was that not every sign or symbol needs to be acted upon. Not everything you attract is worth your time. This world is literally made of constant synchronicities and patterns of numbers and instances. If you really look closely you will see it all.. Everything really is that deep dont get me wrong.

"you dont have to look down to gather water from the well." -FOXEY HENDRIX

i am currently obsessed with this new Alchemy viewer, it does need a few things like a better flycam system for controller and also the ability to pose like the BD "poser" tool & OMG *chefs kiss*

Ive been going EVERYWHERE, like-

Mentoring has been a trip also, its really fun to observe how people go about their first moments on the grid. Last night had someone almost give up till we talked them off the ledge XD For me it was always easy and intuitive to pick up SL was not too hard. But a lot of people just want to start experiencing and connecting and dont care for the technical stuff! It really means a lot to me to be able to make things easier for folks so they have a chance to enjoy the things we all enjoy about Secondlife.

Lmao people will literally be naked all the time but not even their fault they just get stuck trying to change. There are changing rooms, but people dont usually bother to walk to them even if we offer to take them there. I usually just direct them to where they can switch the default avatar so they find clothes quicker.

But omg, this one person kept switching into all kind of random forms that were highly disproportionate you can kinda see ... and then this female had a random bt plug just chillen there. THEY DONT SPEAK. which is the funniest part becacuse you cant tell what the hell is going on. They just start doing weird things to simulate "the act" XD im like " yes we love all expressions here on sl and there are designated places for that! " & they actually do listen to me. Sometimes my fellow mentors will freak out at trolls, and im like.. trolls? my specialty!

exhibit a. the OG trolls of SL used to grieve regions like this, falling d*ck orbs idek what to call them but i remember this day like it was yesterday, i was shopping for clothes at this cute korean place, back then there was a lot more asian creators for mesh clothes .. and suddenly the sky changed i kid you not. Also i think something about the sounds changed too like there was sirens, something that made me walk outside the building, then it was raining d*cks !!! ROFL. I miss when trolls were super original like this... ive also heard some other great griefer stories, I want to find the infamous bomb case.. apparently there was once a case that would basically make everyone in the room crash lol. But I think the servers are built against that very well now.. (not me talking about SL terr*sm) I have no inention to use these things it would just be great to meet someone who knows about those times XD I have to put these * by every word because I dont wanna get fl*ggd lmao. OKAY IM DONE TILL NEXT TIME!!

Shout out to these WelcomHub cutiess <3 Heather is always in something fly shes the dopest!

[bubsub69]

Entry 1

entries 1-13 were written pre-tumblr

12/05/2023 4:08

4am what better time to start a diary, who knew waking up for 9am classes and then at noon on the next day and then 9am etc could fuck up your sleep schedule.

But yeah… why start a secret encrypted diary now? the first one i've ever made? idk, im just tired and afraid and sick of being lonely and touch starved and all the other stuff

Definetely didnt help to scroll through r/niceguys and seeing the I'm 21 kissless virgin that was bullied and ignored by girls that isnt sexist and racist and doesnt do drugs and thinking wow its literally me and then it being followed by females owe me sex the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/12n0m5q/ngvc_im_not_a_sexist_but_females_owe_me_sex/

cause you know… what if i become like this, what if i become an even bigger nuisance than i already am and/or fuck up my chances of ever finding someone, it's especially worrysome that i felt bad for some of the guys, you know simpathizing with the kind of people that call women whores for not wanting the nice guy, cant believe i went to the subreddit because of the omoriboy soy parody (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahPdX90_6jg).

And then there's the someone i found ish just gonna call her D She replied to my post on the femdompersonals subreddit and it was pretty close to love at first sight, but probably very one sided, i mean shit she was now moving from the us to porto what better luck could i want. But she's been very busy, especially with the moving, it took from her texting me on the 26 of april to the 7th of may just to have a 1 hour call.

And boy that call was something, i literally think it was the only time i was genuinely happy in like.. i dunno a month? a year? more? i couldnt even sleep that night, i really needed that call cause i thought she was just fucking with me at that point, you know pretending to be interested and catfishing me for something but no i got a 1 hour call and she even showed me her face at the end, i was kinda expecting something sexual but no it was just getting to know each other which is fine for a first call, she's a really cool and interesting girl, i did think it was weird she just went to walk her dog mid conversation but i guess its something that cant wait, it probably had to pee as well.. maybe it was actually nice of her not to hang up on the call while she was walking the dog.

But yeah i'm kind of back at square one, shes not busy with moving but she has a million hobbies apparenly that she balances with her work and learning a new language and all that stuff, shes had a non specified workshop and a ceramics class as excuses which.. yeah im doubting if shes actually doing, i even commented wow you have a lot of hobbies which i was scared of doing cause i didnt want to imply shes lying even if i have the gut feeling she is, and it makes me feel awful to not trust her, but honestly i think i'd be fine with all that if she just put some initiative in texting, literally the only time she texted first was for a link to a game that she didnt even comment on, really makes ya wonder is she doing some 'woman games™' or just fucking with me or just seeing how far she can push me.. fuck i am becoming an incel, cause you know its the classic i have a life outside of you, you cant just expect me to make time for you everyday but fuck maybe the first call was a bad ideia cause now i just crave more, i seriously think theres some potential here but not if she doesnt have time for me, which im obviously not entitled to but ofc i still want it.

im just so scared of texting her, if i do it too often i might annoy her, if i dont do it enough she might forget about me.. i dont even know whats worse, i tried texting every other day but that also seems like too much, i dunno do i just wait for her to text me and make a call appoinment, it also kind of doesnt help i dont even know her name or age, granted she doesnt know my name either but yeah its another layer of anonymity that i want to get rid of, maybe i should try on the weekend, its when we had the call and she might have time, we'll see

She did kind of mention meeting up one day, dont know if she was just being nice of something, but i just wish i knew how she feels about me, or just get some advice with texting her, i dont want to be disingenuous either and write what someone else tells me to, how do i balance being needy and not annoying.

and theres also the voice.. i'm honestly starting to worry im losing control to the self degrading voice i have inside me, that thing is real mean, its whats making me distrust her and shit, i even thought i 'defeated' it with the call but it just came back same as before. The youre useless and an annoyance and all those thoughts are kind of starting to worry me a bit, especially since the suicide thoughts are becoming a bit too common, im still far from it, im too scared to do it, but the first step of commiting suicide is having the reason to do it, and i also think im kind of becoming a psycopath, not in the edgy way its just ive become so apathetic lately, the 'mom would be sad' strategy doesnt work at all cause im so sick of her, between being annoying and not trusting me and being dumb and the shit she did to my cousin and kind of being blamed cause shes getting unknown disease cause of stress, ive kind of grown to hate her a bit i did cry a bit when i got my cousin's graduation ribbon (its a thing here, you write shit like good job and good luck), reading the only ribbon that i got that wasnt just generic garbage made me tear up a bit, not immediately just when i got home, and it didnt help when she hugged me and said if you ever leave pls take me with you, so yeah maybe im not apathetic i just hate my mother

There's also my cat, im kind of getting… idk sick of him too angry, it just feels like he doesnt like me sometimes, which is absurd he comes to greet me and only me when i arrive and hes actually been sleeping a bit with me tonight and yesterday, but the biting when i pet him is really annoying.. what am i saying its just cat stuff its normal. I am feeling kinda weird when i pet him and think damn i wish i was the one being petted (not by him ofc), you know just lying on girls lap and being petted, r/cuddle_slut really made me realize how fucking touch starved i am.

Or maybe i should just move on from her.. maybe she doesnt want that kind of relationship, i really dont want to start talking to someone else while im talking with her tough, feels real scummy, i kind of did that with someone on skype, i had a couple of sessions with her but she kind of stopped texting me as i was talking to D which was lucky, but in those sessions i had full video on and she didnt even use her voice so i guess its kind of fair, she was also the one that took the initiative texting so who knows maybe shes doing what im planning on doing, letting her text first which didnt really work out for her cause i didnt and now our last message is from the 28th. typing this really discouraged me from the let her text first and see what happens strategy, i guess ill settle for trying on the weekend tough this saturday i have the ribbon party so hopefully i have time and energy to call her

Maybe ill just try some keyholding, just to do something sexual that isnt just showing my junk and locking it or putting my finger in my ass for the skype girl, but the problem with keyholding is that it might take some time.. what if while im locked D wants to do something and i reveal i've been """unfaithfull""" i think im gonna wait a bit more for her i really want things to work out with her she just seems like a really cool person but im worried im too much of a loser for her, the very busy woman who managed commitees has a million hobbies and her boyfriend who's a stay at home gamer

I guess that's it for first entry, hopefully when I'm rereading this im in a better state, or maybe im showing this to my therapist or hey maybe even D or whatever her name is, overall not bad for a first diary entry i think, i got to rant a bit even if it was just on a keyboard, i think im gonna start writing here a bit, some non sad stuff as well hopefully

maybe ill dump this on some ai text and see what happens (garbage pretty much)

See you on entry 2 i guess.

PS wow its 5:15 was not expecting to spend an hour writing this