#i cant play control and its driving me insane

[veikkoalen]

polaris is math and order. hiss is organics and chaos. polaris is about the importance of the individual which comes with the progress. hiss is about the community above individual's will.

polaris didn't help dylan because she wanted jesse to succeed as an individual and not as part of faden family, because her nature is to be unique – and ultimately, alone. that's why hedron ended up being destroyed, darling sent to hell, dylan being abandoned – because polaris already has jesse, a single, most capable host who put herself into the most unique position – the director of federal bureau of control – by herself.

[roaringheat]

JUST NOW FOUND OUT U CAN SAVE AND LOAD RDR2......

[luvanniiee]

needy • h.hj •

pairings- gamer!hyunjin x fem!reader

synopsis- he always says he’ll get off in a few minutes or when he’s finished the round. leaving you with an ache only he can soothe.

warnings- SMUT!!!! teasing, unprotected sex (be smart bookie), oral (m and f receiving), slight masturbation (ur doing it),petnames, slight overstimulation, slight edging (he stops before he cums). some bratty behavior.

a/n: sorry for not posting in forever :(. butttt i just turned 19!!! WOOOOO!! anyways, hope yall enjoy this, please send more reqs, and also still accepting moots! and im also almost at 80 followers teehee i could cry. anyways much love!

youve been sitting on the couch for hours now. sitting behind hyunjin, trying to be patient and wait for him to finally finish the game so he could give you attention for what feels like the first time today. he didnt show any signs of getting off soon even though he said he’d be “finished in a few minutes”. whenever you ask him if hes finished, he would say “almost. give me a few more minutes”. and those minutes turned into hours.

you sighed unusually loud when you asked him one more time. “im almost done, im literally about to beat this level. just give me a few more minutes.” he said. “ugh, its been hours since you last said that, and im really needy right now. cant you just save it and finish later?” you said.

there really isnt an established dom/sub dynamic in the relationship. sometimes you would take control, and sometimes he would take the lead. so when he heard the slight brattiness in your tone, he paused the game to look at you. it was like he was warning you with his eyes. “i told you that im almost finished. now you can do either of these two things im gonna suggest. you can either find something to do until im finished or sit there like the good pretty girl you are and wait for me.” he said.

the firmness of his voice was enough to quiet you down, but it also added fuel to the fire between your legs. it was becoming unbearable. so when hyunjin turned back to the screen of his computer, you decided to slip your hands down there to relieve yourself until he was able to help.

it didnt take long for hyunjin to catch on to what was going on behind him. the sounds of your soft whimpers, and the sounds of your wet pussy were reaching his ears. “princess, are you touching yourself?” he asked softly. you stopped in your actions to brat out “yes, because you arent doing it.”

he turned in his chair to see that you were there on the couch, only in a shirt, panties on the floor, legs spread and fingers sticky. he swore he could cum right then at the sight. but he composed himself. he walks over to you, and lowers himself so you and him are eye to eye. he grips your thighs and kisses them softly. moving closer to where you really need him.

your breath getting gradually louder as he nears your pussy, but stops as soon as hes facing it. hyunjin blows cool air on your clit, the new sensation making you whine, and clench around nothing. he smiles knowing how much control he has over you right now.

he starts off by kissing around the folds softly, just enough to drive you insane. youre getting wetter everytime he presses his lips on you. then he moves to your clit and swirls his tongue around it. you were already riled up from playing with yourself, so you know it wont take long for you. he switches from kitten licks to flicking his tongue to tracing figure eight. all of this combined with his lock on your eyes is enough to send you over the edge. “im cumming!” you nearly scream out. “go ahead.” he says. and with that, you came with your whole body shaking from him continuing to eat you out. “aah- stop baby!” you whine.

but your whines fell upon deaf ears. it was apparent he wasnt gonna stop until he was ready. so you pushed his head away and he wiped his mouth clean.

“satisfied?” he asked. you shook your head no. “let me return the favor and then ill be satisfied.” you said back. so he sat down as you got up. you pulled his boxers down, as thats all he was wearing. his boxers and a long sleeve shirt. you give his tip a kiss. just to get him back for teasing you in the beginning. he hisses slightly when you lick it. “baby please.” he whined out. you looked him in the eye and smiled as you took him down your throat. his head thrown back against the cushion on the couch. hyunjin grabbed your head and thrusted his hips up softly when he felt you about to tease him again. with every thrust, he was panting and letting out small moans. “oh god, its so good, i wanna cum down your throat. but i wanna fuck you so bad now.” he moaned softly.

as he felt himself about to cum, he quickly took himself out of your mouth. you sat back on your feet and looked at him gather himself. “come here princess.” hyunjin said as he patted his lap. you knew what he wanted. so you climbed on top and slid yourself down on him slowly.

the stretch making you both moan. you gave him and yourself a moment to get ready. and slowly rocked yourself on him. hyunjin knows you talk the most shit when youre on top. “see baby, you couldve had this hours ago, if you werent playing the game all day.” you said. he rolled his eyes at you and gripped your hips to make you go faster. the slow pace was good but you both know that the faster pace is better.

“so tight for me, yeah? you been waiting for this, like a needy pretty girl.” hyunjin moaned in your ear. the raspiness of his voice was driving you insane. all you could do was moan back in response. he stilled your hips so he could adjust himself and thrust up into you. you let out a throaty moan as he was hitting your g-spot well. “s’good.” was all you could say. your mind going numb as he continued to thrust into you.

hyunjin felt you clenching around him, signaling that you were close. “close already? does it feel that good?” he said. you couldnt answer him, so you let your cries and whines do the talking. “go ahead love, cum for me.” he whispered in your ear. he leaned you back a little so he could rub your clit. the overstimulation he was giving you made your mind go blank.

“fuck…” was all you said as you came around him. shaking and screaming a little as he pounded into you harder so he could cum. he was close and you could feel it in the way his hips were losing rhythm. “baby…please let me cum inside…cant hold it anymore…” hyunjin whined. you were too far gone to speak so you just nodded. he wasted no time in filling you up. “fuck..baby!” he moaned loudly.

he started to slow down as he was riding his high out. both of you taking the time to catch a breath before kissing each other softly.

“next time hyunjin, dont make me wait.” you said.

“next time ill leave your needy ass high and dry.” he replied in the same cockiness.

©️luvanniiee on tumblr

[daydream-believin]

Like A Boiled Frog (You Don't Even Scream) [ch 1]

notes: might proofread this before i post this to ao3 but here have the raw milk version (pasteurization is for losers amaright)

series summary: every time you think things cant get any more batshit, hurricane throws another pile of guano at you. every time you think the hole cant get any deeper, you fall further. and you’re not sure what frightens you more: the town itself, or your increasing reluctance to leave.

or: au where mike has that pizza shop for wayyy more than a week and you find yourself a horror protagonist. or at least one’s love interest.

chapter summary: get haunted bitch. now go drive to utah in a manic episode. go meet a nice walking corpse, maybe it'll fix you. or make you worse. probably that second thing lmao

word count: 7985, oh dear (thats with me cutting out some stuff lol)

warnings: uh, swearing, manic behavior, self-harmful thoughts/behavior, mention of hallucinations/hearing voices, shit this is sounding bad, i mean its canon typical violence so idk man no lifeguard on duty

You know how in Source Decay, John Darnielle says / I wish the west Texas highway was a mobius strip / I could ride it out forever / when I feel my heart break? / Well, that guy’s a bitchass snake oil salesman for romanticizing this. Fuck that guy.

Although, this is the first time you’ve ever been able to set a cruise control and actually just leave it at that. What with there being no other cars on the road out here at this hour for you to run into. You even forgot about it at one point.

Little puffs of fire danced in your peripheral vision, like fairies flitting about. It was easy to spot them out in the night air, all those pumpjacks that littered the desert. There was nothing but these small fires, with the tiny, dotted additions of the glowing red eyes of windmills to light up the way for miles.

And you tried not to think about how if you broke down, no one would be around to find you. Every now and then you would startle at the shadowy specter of a tumbleweed crossing your path, but you were acutely aware of just how alone you were out here.

On that train of thought, your gaze fell to the passenger side, to the little bear toy you had buckled into a seatbelt like it was a person.

“Can you believe this, Fredbear?” you asked the inanimate object.

Fredbear did not answer, of course. Would be insane if he did, right?

Hmm …Why did part of you expect him to.

***

The august sun was beating down hot on your back as you walked home that day. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but it was only last week.

The neighborhood was as full of life as it always was. The kids running around in a game of tag, the teens playing basketball, and the adults walking their dogs. You could hear some faint music playing in the distance, most likely from the stage setup in the square downtown, not too far away.

There were many yard sales set up, it being the thing to do on a sunny Saturday afternoon like this. Despite your very strong instincts to rummage through all the boxes in these sales like a raccoon looking for dinner in a dumpster, you were broke, with no money to spare for impulse purchases on random junk. And thus, being a mature adult, you walked right past them.

That is, until a yard full of children’s toys caught your eye. One of your cousins’ kids was turning 6 in a few weeks. Might as well buy presents now before you forget again and have to rush to the store in a panic 8 minutes after the party had already started, sweat rolling down your back as you search the toy isle for something the birthday boy would like, while your phone keeps buzzing in your pocket nonstop because both your cousin is texting and your aunt is calling to ask where you’re at because you were the one who was supposed to be picking up the pizza.

 I mean, just a hypothetical scenario here.

You didn’t really find anything good as you dug through the bins of miscellaneous action figures and toy cars. As you could recall, the kid really liked Iron Man right now. And sharks. Alas, you found no Iron Mans or sharks in those bins.

The other table’s baskets were full of stuffed animals. You could maybe get lucky and find a stuffed shark in there. But stuffed animals are notorious for being hard to clean; and yard sale plushies sometimes come with more than just one new friend. You weren’t about to be the reason your cousin had to fumigate her house for bedbugs. Again. So, you decided to close this case for now and skedaddle on out of there.

You took another look back at the table as you walked away.

Well.. The toys you could see at the top of the bins did look like they were well taken care of… It couldn’t hurt to just look, right?

Yeah no. You found no sharks unfortunately. What you did find, however, was this funky little teddy bear wearing a top hat and bowtie.

A real character, that one. The bright gold fabric of its body made it stand out amongst the other toys. The smile stitched onto the bear gave it a weird, smug look. And you hadn’t seen a plushy with eyebrows before.

That being said, this thing’s aura was so... unsettling. You stared into its black eyes, that seemed to stare right back at you, with a strange feeling twisting in the pit of your stomach.

“You like that one, do ya?”

You almost jumped out of your skin when the old man running the sale spoke to you. You had Not heard him come up beside you like that. Creepy.

“Yeah, it’s…” you tried to think of a positive word, “very intriguing. Looks like it’s ready for a party.”

“My granddaughter called him Fredbear. Found him over in Utah, many years back. In a yard sale, just like this one,” he gently took the bear from you, and looked down at it wistfully, “My granddaughter..  liked how smartly dressed he was. A perfect guest for her tea parties. You were right about that…”

The old man stared at the doll for a little longer after the conversation faded. You felt extremely awkward now. Perhaps you really should have just left without unearthing this obvious sentimental piece.

“My grandchildren are no longer here with me,” you felt a little uncomfortable with how he phrased that, “so, I’ll tell you what. Promise me you’ll take care of him, and he’s yours. Free of charge.”

“Oh, I couldn’t. I’d be happy to pay for him, really,” you felt bad taking free stuff from the elderly.

“No,” he said with a tone of finality, placing the bear firmly into your hands, “the day’s almost over. I’d like to help this old friend move on. It’s time.”

Well that somehow was both sweet and foreboding at the same time.

So, you thanked the old man and started back on your walk home, Fredbear cradled in your arms. He waved goodbye to you. The grandfather, of course, not the teddy bear.

You probably aren’t going to wind up giving this one to your cousin’s son. There was something about it that told you not to. Maybe it was the way the old man talked about it. You felt compelled to take care of the plush yourself. Kind of like an honor thing. Or a pity thing.

It smelled a little funky. But that’s nothing a little TLC couldn’t handle. And some dish soap.

Maybe you were just. Feeling a bit childish lately. Too small and easily broken. Moved to tears by little things that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Disregarded and treated like your fears weren’t real.

Deeply afraid.

Yeah, you’d give Fredbear a nice soak in the sink with a fun dish soap bubble bath. And maybe after that, you’ll both feel a little better.

You were alone in your apartment that night, as your roommate was always gone these days. And when you made your tea, you brought Fredbear a mug as well. A little tea party, for old time’s sake.

Looking back, maybe that was your first mistake.

***

Static rolled from your radio. You gave up on fiddling with it hours ago, but you’ve got nothing better to occupy your mind now.

You turned the knob absentmindedly, never really expecting to get anywhere. Or any signal, that is. A muffled country song here, the broken-up voice of a DJ there, nothing strong enough to stay for more than a few seconds. However, a few seconds of a clear transmission was all you really needed when you rolled past a certain signal.

“zZz-Hurricane—“

Now that was a word that got your attention. Not that you were anywhere near the coast at the moment. You know, unless the person reading this is looking to buy some oceanside property in Arizona. In that case feel free to slide into my DMs.

“zZZ-Peach Days! -Zz celebratio— zzZ-year—peaches peach—-ZzzZ-Heritage-zZ,” you let your gaze flicker downward, towards the dimly lit red text of the frequency number display as if that would provide some more insight.

And then suddenly, the fuzz was completely gone, as if you were near the tower itself,

“So Hurry On To Hurricane City!” the spokesman encouraged cheerfully. You could practically here the giant pageant smile in his voice as he delivered his slogan. This man was your friend, obviously. Then, however, his tone shifted as he closed the ad copy, “Because you know the party can’t start without you…”

You held your breath as the silence dragged out a few agonizing seconds, until “ZZZZZZZZ!!!”, in a jolt, the transmission went completely out. Explosively. You even flinched.

You stayed on the station for a good twenty minutes after that, waiting to see if you could hear anything again. You could feel your heart pound against your ribs until the terrifying feeling faded. There was nothing else but static, of course, and for so long you almost thought you must have imagined it. If not for the way those dull words repeated in your head, over and over.

THE PARTY CAN’T START WITHOUT YOU.

THE PARTY CAN’T START WITHOUT YOU.

THE PARTY CAN’T START WITHOUT YOU.

You hadn’t really had a destination in mind when you took off. No goal other than to get out of there as fast as you could manage. The idea of the West had been bouncing around your brain a lot lately, hence your current trajectory, but you really hadn’t had a clue where you were supposed to be going when you left.

I mean, you still didn’t have a destination. You had no clue what that advertisement was even about. Where they were even fucking talking about. Hurricane City?

Yet, somehow, you knew those words were meant for you. Not anyone else. you. There was a party and the party was waiting for you.

Guess you’d have to look for a map or something in town. Perhaps use the library computer. Man, you would regret throwing your phone into the lake in a fit of passion as you left town, but honestly, this is the longest you’ve known peace in quite some time. Just gonna have to live a little retro for a while. Not the worst thing in the world.

You’ll get a new one later, once you’ve settled in to… wherever you’re going. Whatever new home lies over that horizon for you, you guess.

The sun was breaching the beige skyline of sandy shrub brush as you finally rolled over the state line. You needed to eat. Your stomach growled loudly at just the thought. Funny. You hadn’t even thought about eating in the last.. twenty hours. Which means you should be absolutely shaking right now. Yeah, that’s why you’re shaking. That’s it. You’ll pull into the first diner you see.

You were hoping to at least be in Roswell for breakfast, but there was no way your body was going to be able to keep running if you waited that long. Looks like it’s just going to be the first place you come across.

Hopefully they don’t put green chilis in their pancakes or something.

That sounds insane but it’s an actual thing you’ve seen before in this state, trust. There are no laws nor gods when it comes to Hatch green chilis.

***

Your sleepy brain was not ready for the bell that rang as you walked through the door. Embarrassingly enough, the tinny noise startled you. You almost tripped, to be honest. Thankfully your wobbly Bambi legs held up as you managed to catch yourself.

The hostess wasn’t in sight as you awkwardly stood in the entrance, but there was a whole heap of noise coming from the kitchen.

“Hold on just a second, Sweetpea!” a voice called out to you.

Well, guess you’re holding on a second.

Your eyes scanned the top of the walls, perusing the vast cookie jar collection that the owner had accrued over the years. They were never dusted, despite being on shelves that lined the top of every wall in the tiny shack of a diner, and thus you could easily tell that a few new additions had been made. You know, because those cookie jars were way less filthy.

That’s gotta be a heath-code violation.

After you heard a bit of garbled yelling, the hostess rushed out to take her place in front of you. Smoothing down her polka-dotted apron, she grinned at you.

“Table for two?”

You blinked. It was too early in the morning for fully intelligent speech.

“Uh. No. Just me today. Thank you.”

Her big, bedazzled cat-eyeglasses fell a little farther down her nose as she scrunched her face in confusion, “alright then. Just the one of you today...���

She grabbed a paper menu as she led your shambling body to a table near the window. Which was shut away with ancient looking vinyl blinds that you were too afraid to open, lest they crumble and the cost of replacing them be put on your on tab.

She had already disappeared back into the kitchen by the time you got yourself in a seat. You glanced around the room. You weren’t the only patron here, as a few tables held a few bodies, but you were the only one without your face buried in a newspaper. And to be expected honestly, you were the youngest person in the room at seven in the morning.

The hostess, who was also the only waitress in this tiny local business, placed two glasses in front of you. The dull sound they made hitting the table drew you out of your revelry. There before you were two cups, a steaming mug of fresh coffee and a short glass of milk. You looked up in confusion.

“Don’t worry, it’s whole milk. Builds strong bones.”

That... wasn’t your concern.

You looked back at the cup in confusion and by the time you turned back, she had already moved on to the next table, refilling mugs and having loud banter with the other customers. Her regulars, by the sound of it. You felt too apathetic to try and call her over again.

You shrugged, to no one in particular, as you did not have a breakfast partner with you, despite the waitress’s insistence otherwise. Wait, was she mocking you? Eh, maybe it’s just supposed to be for the coffee. Nevertheless, you would not be drinking the milk, so you just left it there.

Despite the prevalence of the local newspaper in the room, there wasn’t a dispenser or anything at the front of the restaurant, like there usually is. As you drummed your fingers on the tablecloth, bored out of your mind, you kinda regretted throwing your phone in the lake a bit more. Maybe not the best of moves.

But hey, at least you aren’t constantly quelling the incessant buzzing you’d be hearing if you’d kept it.

You busied yourself stirring your coffee while you looked over the menu again, just for something to read. Of course, you were ordering a waffle. Because this was a diner, and, yeah, you do like waffles. And pancakes. And French toast. Doodoodoodoo can’t wait to get a mouthful.

That voice kept echoing in your mind. The party can’t start without you.

“More coffee, Babycakes?” the waitress snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Oh! Yeah, thank you,” you moved the mug to the edge of the table, closer to her, “Say… I know this is an out-of-pocket question, but have you heard anything about Hurricane City? Maybe something about peaches?”

“Oh!” she snapped her fingers, “You mean the Peach Days. It’s a little heritage festival they put on every summer in Hurricane, you know. It’s a hoot, my family makes a trip out there every few years or so for it. Not this time of course, clearly, since I’m here talkin’ to you and not in Utah—”

“In Utah?”

Of course, it was Fucking Utah again.

“I know it’s soundin’ far, but it’s only ‘bout a day’s drive from here. Two days if y’ain’t crazy about following an itinerary like my husband,” she brushed a hand over her apron before you lost her attention to the other customers, “I swear that man would plan out a schedule for every second of the day if he could…”

After she wandered off to go top off more mugs, you lamented the fact that you still hadn’t ordered yet. That’s what you get for being nosy about peach festivals, you suppose.

Thankfully though, soon enough you had your hearty breakfast and were back in front of the wheel, on your way to the friendly neighborhood Walmart. Where hopefully no cops or employees would bother you as you crashed in the parking lot.

You took Fredbear to the backseat with you for good luck. Maybe it was the gold color, or the fancy getup he had. Maybe you just needed a cuddle buddy to not feel so alone in this parking lot swarming with people.

Much to your disdain, it was now a bit into the morning hours, and the sun was fully up.

You had tried to find as shady a spot as possible, but it’s not exactly like trees grow in this biome. At least not naturally. Windbreak tree lines were definitely a thing, but those protected buildings people cared about, and this was a Walmart. Nothing around here but concrete, rocks spray painted blue, and cigarette butts.

So after tossing and turning in the bright blinding sunshine for way longer than you should have, and making promises to higher deities was proven to be unfruitful in your attempt to find some semblance of peace, you finally just had to admit defeat. And here by rescinding any aforementioned promises to higher powers.

You laid Fredbear back down on the seat and tucked him in with the blanket when you got back up. At least one of you could be cozy and well rested. Unfortunately, it wasn’t going to be you, however.

Well, it’s far from the first all-nighter you’ve pulled without having time to take a nap during the following day. Sleep deprivation isn’t real, silly. Teachers just made that up to scare you. It’ll be fine.

***

You know you never really realize how much we structure our lives around other humans until you take a drive through the middle of nowhere. How essential it is to have enough gas to make it to the next town. From town to town, your life becomes segments. Only within the eyesight of other humans are you ever safe. Only within the bounds of the settlement can your soul be settled.

Gas stations become oases. Which is the plural of oasis, apparently. Anyway, you start seeing them like mirages. Dingey, weather-worn gas pumps become as good as a sparkling illusion of precious water in the Sahara. The empty shells of buildings you passed by, long since forgotten, became like mausoleums in these graveyard towns. Villages. Hamlets. Mostly hamlets.

“Are we there yet?” a small and very annoyed voice called out.

You had just written it off as your imagination until you heard the noise of shuffling fabric. Normally your audio hallucinations aren’t that detailed. Paralyzed, you held your breath, not daring to make any noise that would distract your ears from hearing whoever, whatever, was in the back seat. Your mind went to stories of skinwalkers and misshapen monsters and hitch-hiking serial killers.

“… Are we there yet?” the voice repeated, admittedly sounding even smaller to you now.

Yep, that’s a real person alright. Or a real thing. Your eyes were probably bloodshot from the way you haven’t blinked this entire time, just staring straight ahead on the desert highway. Taking a deep, shaky breath to steady yourself, you turned down the rear-view mirror…

Christ almighty. You had a stowaway.

Your stomach turned immediately. God, come on now, don’t puke up what little you had on your stomach. You need that.

“Hey Buddy,” you tried to sound as friendly as you could, “What’s your name?”

Clad in a little striped shirt and cargo shorts, he started kicking his feet in impatience, which would be cute if it weren’t for this situation y’all are in, and the adrenaline pumping through your veins, “We’ve been in here forever,” he whined.

If this was a skinwalker, he was a pretty darn adorable one. And definitely not a hitch-hiking serial killer. At least you hoped. But no, this was a greater form of terror: responsibility.

“Haha, yeah, we have been in here really long, haven’t we? How long do you think we’ve been driving, can you tell me?”

When did you pick up this child. When you got gas in Gallup? Albuquerque? Dear lord, if he’s been in here since Roswell, you’re about to have the world’s biggest headache on your hands, both metaphorically and physically. But there’s no way he’s been in here for fucking 10 hours, right? right??

Okay, okay. Maybe you’re just a little panicky right now and not thinking straight. Maybe teachers hadn’t been making up sleep deprivation just to scare you after all. You have been purposely not drinking anything for the lack of available restrooms. People get dehydration hallucinations, right?

The boy just stared at you, blankly. Probably fully realizing you were a stranger and not whoever he thought you were. In lieu of answering you, he started fidgeting more with the toy bear you had had in the back. You really hoped that hadn’t been what lured him into your station wagon in the first place.

Don’t be getting shy on me now, kid.

You put your blinker on, ready to merge off the road and onto an incoming rest-stop that you thanked your lucky stars for.

“Honey, can you tell me what your phone number is?”

He looked up at you, finally tearing his attention from the bear, and you could see gears turning in his head.

“…435-555-1987?”

You repeated it back to him, and he nodded. Alright, time to find that payphone.

Said rest-stop payphone was thankfully near a picnic table so you could sit him down and be able to watch him carefully the whole time you made this call. Because judging by the fact this situation was happening at all, he was a slippery one.

You got out of the car and opened the back door, but he was hesitant to get out. Which, fair, you are a stranger trying to get him to a second location.

“What’s up, Bud?” you tried your hardest to not sound like a predator but boy was that a real nebulous idea, wasn’t it?

“Fredbear wants to come too,” he mutters.

“Well, sure then, let’s bring him, we’ll have a little picnic.” With no food, but hey, whatever lie it takes to get him sitting on that bench.

It was really cute the way the kid set the bear down on the table and positioned it like they were going to have a picnic together. When you find this kid’s parents, you’ll let him keep Fredbear. Toys like it when they’re given to new children, right? Wasn’t there a movie about that or something. Wincing at the grubbiness of the payphone, you reluctantly dialed the number.

“Hello, Jeff’s Pizza on Main St, are you ready to order?”

You closed your eyes, counting the seconds as you breathed in for 4 seconds, held it for 7, and released for 8.

“Hello? Are you there?”

“Yes!” you practically shouted into the receiver. So much for calming down, “please don’t hang up,” you pleaded.

“Listen, we don’t take solicitation,”

“No, uh, sorry. I’ve found a lost child who told me this was his number. Is the owner of this restaurant by chance frantically looking for their son?”

You heard some muffled conversation happening behind the phone, “Well, no, I don’t even have any kids… and I uh, am currently understaffed. Im the only one here.”

you cursed under your breath.

“Uh, alright, well…” you could tell this was getting really awkward for him.

“Could you tell me where y’all are, I’m unfamiliar with the area code,”

“Uh, Hurricane, Utah?”

… If you weren’t on the phone, you fucking swear you’d be screeching at the top of your lungs like a chimpanzee right now.

“Thank you, you know, just in case he’s just remembering an advertisement he’s seen or something,”

“Oh, okay,” there was a pause, “well I hope you find the parents or, whoever,”

“Thank you,” you’ll put him out of his misery and hang up.

“Are you sure that’s your number, Hon?”

“Uh-huh,”

“Why don’t you tell me it again, maybe I dialed it wrong,”

“435-5--” his face scrunched up in concentration, “435-555—I don’t know…”

You tried not to look visibly stressed at this answer.

“Do you know where you live?”

He moved the bears paws along with whatever little game he was playing, before looking up at you, head tilted in confusion, “Hurricane?”

Okay. Police time. If not for him, for you. The skinwalker possibility just went back up. Because, honestly, he had to have gotten in your car as a coyote or something. No way you wouldn’t’ve noticed a whole ass child entering your car.

“How does ice cream sound, huh Buddy?”

“I want ice cream!” he said hastily as if you’d change your mind if he hesitated.

“Ice cream it is then, but only if you’re good for me and the officers, okay? And tell them everything you can remember. You’re smart, right?”

“Uh-huh,”

“Great,” you smiled over clenched teeth.

After herding him back into the car, you had to take a moment to gently rest your head into the steering wheel. And it took everything within you to not smash said head into it. Or scream in agony. No, no, we mustn’t scare the child.

Tuba City wasn’t too far away. The police station was downtown, as most are. Luckily, across the street there was a paleteria with a courtyard area. The little guy got very excited when you got pulled into the parking space, so eh, what the hell, ice cream first. Maybe after a treat and some playtime in the courtyard he won’t be as wiggly and will be able to tell the cops what he knows about just where the hell he came from.

The noise of the bell chiming made you flinch as you two walked into the paleteria. You hadn’t thought you were that tightly wound right now but apparently you were wrong. The lady behind the counter greeted you warmly, and you responded in turn, trying to play it cool.

God, imagine if she got an off-vibe from you and the kid and called over the police from across the street before you even have a chance—

Deep breath. Okay. The kid you had started referring to in your head as just “Little Boy” was leaned against the display case, his breath fogging up the glass in front of him and probably leaving little handprints for the shopkeeper to clean later.

“I’m sorry about that,”

“That’s… Okay. What can I get you?” she seemed a little confused. Strange, but you brushed past it just as quickly as she did.

“Ah, what do we want?” you asked Little Boy.

He excitedly tugged on your pantleg and pointed to the popsicle he wanted, looking up at you with puppy dog eyes. He doesn’t need to convince you, but you quickly realized you were not going to be able to say no to any else after this if he deployed the same cute begging look.

“One of those cute little Tweety Bird faces,” you pointed.

“Anything else?” she handed you the popsicle and you gingerly took it.

“Nah, that’s it” you were too nauseous to eat right now.

You paid, throwing the change into the tip jar, and turned to give Little Boy the popsicle she handed you.  The words caught in your throat as you looked down to find your pantleg absent of any tugging by any Little Boy. You quickly scanned the tiny paleteria. He was nowhere to be found, anywhere in the room.

“Uh, did you see where the kid went?” you tried not to sound too panicked.

She was taken aback, also quickly looking around the room to find no one, before shaking her head, “Did you have a kid with you?”

You furiously nodded in confusion,

“I’m sorry, then I didn’t see them,” she pointed to the glass door that led to the courtyard only a few feet away from y’all, “Try outside, maybe?”

You burst outside, searching the area in a panic, but you couldn’t see him anywhere. Not hidden in the tangle of the garden, not splashing around in the fountain, not at, under, on top of, or around any of the tables.

You went to call his name, but your voice caught in your throat when you realized you didn’t have a name to call. And.

And.

Something hit your shirt. A water droplet. You looked up into the clear, blinding blue sky. Your nerves tickled as another droplet ran down your cheek. Oh, you were crying. Huh.

You took the closet seat you could find, counting the things processed by your 5 senses. It’s all you could do to not start bawling for no reason. Maybe you’ll calm down and be able to think straight soon.

Why can’t you think straight? Everything feels so fuzzy.

You should be terrified, and in a way, you were. In your heart of hearts, you knew the truth: Little Boy wasn’t real. Or at least turned back into a coyote and ran off.

As you stared vacantly into the open air, you realized you still had a dripping popsicle in your hands. Supposedly “Tweety Bird” shaped, it just looked like a yellow skull missing its mandible bone to you. How fitting.

You pulled it to your mouth. Yum. Tasted like AAAAAAAA. Or orange, according to the package.

Attempting to lick the melted yellow liquid off of your hand, you accidentally stuck the ice pop on your face. Great. Now you’re sticky all over.

God, you’ve really gone and lost your fucking marbles this time, haven’t you.

There was a bulletin kiosk a few feet down your field of vision. On that bulletin kiosk was an old poster, barely visible as it was buried under layers of other flyers. It caught your eye and seemed to burn your retinas. What little you could see was the word Freddy and part of what looked like a version of the bear you’d been toting around this whole little expedition, but that was enough.

Something clicked. You looked down at the bear hanging by your side in your other hand. The kid had shoved it into your arms so he could more easily lean on the display case, right before he disappeared the very moment you took your eyes off of him.

You know, you hadn’t really felt alone since bringing Fredbear home. And not in a good way.

Guess the name you should’ve been calling was Freddy.

You had to get rid of that bear.

***

You had been walking home like you always did, same route. But you noticed something peculiar about this time. The house that the old man had his yard sale in was now stripped of all decoration, with a For Sale sign proudly standing in the grass. No cars, and no blinds or curtains on the windows, so you could see into the den which was now devoid of any furniture.

You’ll admit it, you crept around to the other windows, searching for any signs of life at all in the empty rooms. None. No furniture, no people, no trash. The yard sale was yesterday. How did they clean this place out so thoroughly in the short amount of time between when you’d seen it last and now.

A little confuddled, you went home as usual. While strange as hell, this wasn’t a missing person’s case or anything. And it’s probably why the man was so adamant on giving you Fredbear because it was the end of the day. He had a deadline. He was skipping town.

God, you wished you could just skip town.

You frankly thought nothing of it when you unlocked the door to your apartment to see Fredbear was already seated on the couch, like he was all set to marathon whatever 30-year-old cartoon you wound up watching that night. And it’s not like your roommate hadn’t done something like this before, move a stuffed animal or action figure into a funny position for you to find later.

You hadn’t seen him much lately. Or like, at all. The only reason you knew he was still alive were the dirty dishes in the sink, dirty clothes on the floor of the bathroom, and the aforementioned moving the bear around.

Looking back now, was he moving the bear around?

If you locked the deadbolt that can’t be unlocked from the outside, you’d be guaranteed to catch him in person for once. But you weren’t willing to go through the trouble and emotional toil of doing that, however.

In the name of feeling less like a ghost haunting your own home, getting yelled at for intentionally locking your roommate out might be a wee bit counterproductive. Sure, you’d be seen and spoken to, but the harshness of his words and tone would send you into a worse episode than you were already in.

Well, at least Fredbear seemed ready to keep you company tonight...

The fact that they put unskippable advertisements on streaming services you’re paying for in the first place is criminal. Or at least regular cable tv in a trenchcoat.

You got a drink while they prattled on about luxury cars you couldn’t afford and real estate companies you weren’t going to have the privilege of patroning any time soon. Embarrassingly, as you poured the pitcher of water into a glass, you got a little distracted.

The cheap glass’s glass was only about a millimeter or two thick. You could easily just crush this cup in your hand, in one swift movement. The muscles of your arm began tensing up at the thought.

But thankfully, a loud, blaring advertisement coming from the TV snapped you out of it. And so, you promptly decided to Not Do That, because picking all of those tiny glass shards out of your flesh would be a bitch. And that was not how you wanted to spend a perfectly good Sunday night. And of course you didn’t need the questions at work tomorrow.

You returned to the couch, curiously, and you swear, that damn teddy bear followed you with its eyes. Even though they were a shiny, solid black, and the idea itself would be insane.

As you settled back down, you grabbed the remote to turn down the volume of the cheery music playing. Mysteriously, it wasn’t just a commercial with bad sound mixing, the TV itself had been turned up. Now that it had your attention, the thing that was being sold to you seemed to the state of Utah. You know, those Visit [X] ads that were commonly played between cooking shows and ghost hunting documentaries.

“Oh hey, you’re from there, right?” you poked at fredbear. And immediately felt pathetic. God, you’ve got to stop talking to inanimate objects and like get a boyfriend or something. Geez.

The imagery on the screen was just, you know, normal southwest stock footage:

A drone shot of Zion national park

Old men golfing

Owls living in holes they’ve dug into cactuses

Rock archways

A family laughing as they shared a pizza being served to them by a man in a bear suit that looked just fredbear,

“Oh, well there you are, I guess.” you once again absent-mindedly spoke to your toy friend.

Kids swimming in a fancy resort pool

A Navajo cultural event

More rock archways and red sandstone cliffs

Kids crowding around a claw machine filled with toys just like the one sitting next to you

Kids crowding around a stage as an animatronic band played

Kids crowding around a birthday cake, the light of candles bouncing off their faces as they sang along…

The fake sounding voice of the announcer rung out, “Visit Utah! You know the party can’t start without you!”

Your mouth felt dry. Good thing you now had that glass of water.

***

Of course, you did what any smart, sane person would do and feverishly ripped through the layers of old flyers to get to the advertisement for what you now knew was Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Place. A themed diner and nickel arcade that made most of their money hosting birthday parties, by the looks of it. You knew the type; you had been an American child once too.

Good thing none of the cops were hanging around outside to fine you for littering, because the amount of paper you just released into the breeze was in fact criminal.

There was a short list of locations at the bottom of the poster. They had a few scattered over Utah, or at least they used to, judging by the harsh weathering of this poster. The closest one being in Bigwater, explaining why this poster was out here in Tuba. But the word Hurricane stood out to you like it was lit up in neon. It burned like sunlight.

It appears you are in fact on your way to Hurricane, Utah. As if you didn’t know that already at this point, you being out on the canyon rim instead of your much preferred and beloved Rockies. Well, congratulations bitch. You’ve only got another three hours to go. Better get going. Have fun!

***

Oh, this place was creepy as hell. Or it’s just late at night, and you’re sleep deprived and paranoid. In the spirit of being honest to yourself, ‘sleep deprived and paranoid’ has always been your natural state of being, but right now it’s definitely ramped up to an eleven.

But even though it’s been close to 48 hours since your last brain-reset, this place still had a certain energy about it. Like New Orleans, or the woods around lynching bridges did. That spooky oh I am Not Safe here type of energy.

The gas station-man gave you a real weird look when you stormed in and asked where the Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Place was. Normally you would’ve chalked it up to you being a clear foreigner asking for directions as if it’s 1995, to a children’s arcade close to midnight nonetheless, but now you weren’t so sure.

You eyed the fridge full of wine in pint sized bottles and little juice cartons. But nah, you probably needed to have a quick reaction time to whatever was waiting for you in this Venus flytrap you’re willingly walking into. You grabbed a Monster instead and you know what, yeah, that probably wasn’t the best decision either. If you weren’t high strung before, you definitely were now. You felt like you could punch a bear. A Freddy Fazbear.

You bought a local map alongside the energy drink, feeling like you were gonna need it. Man, low-tech was actually kinda annoying after a while. You got the gas station-man to begrudgingly mark Fazbear’s down onto it for you. Apparently, it and all other locations within town had closed down some twenty years ago. Not many people are still around who remember why, he said, but it had something to do with the faulty animatronics. Teenagers told ghost stories and dared each other to spend the whole night in the dining room. But otherwise, beyond the rumors, the original Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Place was just an empty, scorched building. And the other various locations like Jr’s or Circus Baby’s had been sold off, passing so many hands who knows what businesses were in there now. But you could still kinda tell, if you paid attention, in the same way you can tell if something used to be a Pizza Hut.

What you really wanted, according to gas station-man, whose nametag read Gary, was this new location that was opening soon, simply named Freddy’s Pizzeria. It’s set to open for business in September, so you’re lucky. He marked it one your map as well.

You don’t know why Gary was so nice to you. Maybe it was the harrowed look in your eyes. Maybe it was the twitchiness. Maybe Gary is just very bored of this tourist town and was looking to fall madly in love with a random troubled soul he met at midnight in a gas station and would wind up running away with to some far-off place. If that was the case, sorry Gary. You were too busy with the metaphorical torture labyrinth to care about romance at the moment.

You couldn’t decide if the haunted Fredbear would want to see an old location or the new one. You asked, but of course the fucker didn’t answer. Just sat there with his smug grin and glassy eyes that followed your hand movements. So, you quite literally tossed a coin. A new mint, the face side had Eleanor Roosevelt on it. And she marked the fact that you were going to try the new location first, and then try the original building next. Cool.

***

Your patience was kinda at its limit here, you’ll admit. You really should get some sleep soon. Or eat. Since you were hellbent on getting here and nothing else, the only thing on your stomach besides that wretched Tweety Bird popsicle is half a monster energy. Guess you’ll go by a fucking Denny’s after this. If you survive.

If you were going to die horrifically, you’d really rather the forces that be make it snappy. This was getting ridiculous.

You pulled into the parking lot. The building clearly wasn’t new but had been freshly painted. Nothing creepy so far. As you stared down the building, sizing it up, you noticed there was one car parked in the front, and a few of the windows were lit up.

Cool, so there was someone in there. Great. That makes, well whatever this is, much harder.

The door was locked.

You could hear music playing from inside. You banged on the door as loudly as you could manage, and it still took a couple of minutes before the music stopped. And then a very disgruntled man in coveralls was in the doorway, tiredly asking just what the fuck you wanted at this time of night.

He smiled to cover up his rudeness, but the smile stretched a little too wide, inhumanly wide, and a shiver ran down your spine.

You took him in, unashamedly raking your eyes over his form. He stood awkwardly, as if ready to bolt at any moment. What you could see of his build made him out to be weirdly skinny. That unnaturally wide smile gave way to some exposed teeth on the left side of his face. His eyes were shadowed by his bangs in the backlight of the door, but you swore they almost glowed themselves. His complexion was greyish and bordered on almost purple in this lighting.

Despite all this, he was still pretty handsome. Well, you did always think some of those creepypasta guys were boyfriend material. Maybe, you wouldn’t mind getting chopped up into little pieces if this guy was the one doing it. Okay, and maybe you’ve been sleeplessly chasing ghosts too long.

Startling you, he reached his hand to grab your shoulder, a little too fast.

“Hey mate, are you okay?” He asked nervously,

It snapped you out of your stupor, realizing you had yet to say a word to him, “Uh, yes, I just wanted to…”

How do you even fucking ask this. “Hey, can I bring a stuffed bear to your dining room so maybe it’s spirit will leave me alone? Maybe conduct a séance or something?” Seriously, did you even know what you were doing here? Shit. Okay.

“I wanted to ask if I could check out your facility?” came out like a question because even you had no clue what you were saying.

“Come back tomorrow in the daylight, then,” he began closing the door, shaking his head in annoyance, “or perhaps when we’re actually open.”

“NO!” you slammed your foot into the door as he closed it, “AAGH!”

“Jesus Christ! WHY.”

Dear lord, this man now 100% thinks you’re a crackhead.

“Just, don’t close that door, okay,” his brows scrunched together as you grit your teeth to swallow down the pain, “I need you to help me.”

“I really don’t have any money to spar--”

“I’M HERE BECAUSE OF A GHOST,” you interrupted. Finally, you managed to get that out somehow, if nonsensical.

A look of recognition flickered in his glowing eyes. He lowered into your space, kind of intimidatingly. Or intimately. Yeah, no, this was hostile, don’t fool yourself.

“What kind of ghost,” he asked suspiciously.

“Uh,” shit, okay, “the weird, haunted doll kind? Uh, like the ones the McElroy brothers are always bidding on on eBay. Or maybe this is kind of a Ben Drowned kinda situation, I’m not completely sure.”

He blinked, “okay, I only understood a few of those words, but—”

“It’s a Freddy teddy bear that really wanted me to take it to Hurricane, okay?” You really were at the end of your rope at the moment, “I have literally driven here for days straight on no sleep and barely any food and I need this Unauthorized Fucking Thing to find it’s eternal peace or kill me in some horrible way so I can hurry up and get on with my goddamn life,”

“Uh, see… the thing is,” he started to retreat back again, slowly moving his hands like he was trying to calm down a spooked animal.

 You realized what was about to happen, and it must have been visible in your eyes, since his huge unnatural placating smile returned,

“I actually don’t want anything to do with that, sooo…”

“PLEASE—” you reached out in blind panic, but he dodged it. (now if only you could’ve dodged the scooper like that Mikey)

The door slammed in your face.

Your breathing was ragged and fogged up the glass as he locked it again. You stared up at those glowing pinprick pupils of his as he gave you an apologetic little wave goodbye. And then he fucking made a big show of pointing at the closed sign before turning tail to disappear back into the darkness of the empty restaurant.

Okay.

Just a little setback. You’ll go to the older location first, now, and come back when this asshole is sleeping. Can’t be too hard to bust out one of those windows, and you doubt he has an alarm set up already. It’s his fault, really. If he didn’t want property damage, then he should’ve just let you in. Not like you haven’t warned him that you were desperate or anything.

Just gonna go to the other location. You’ve got your map, you’ve got a tank full of gas, and you’ve got chutzpah.

Now what you don’t have? Is a car that will start.

[yuukei-yikes]

hehe. headcanons. abt haruka and takane’s conditions post str.

for takane when she’s asleep she can multitask with opening eyes but i hc its something like. sure she can get away with not sleeping but also if u dont rest ur mind u do end up a little fucking insane, and going from high energy as ene bc she’s not tired back to her human body (that is STILL sick) it doesn’t translate well and erm. she does end up accidentally driving herself crazy. this also goes hand in hand to takane being attached to being ene and being terrified of her real body and retrieved reality LMAO!!! so i think she keeps trying to multitask to never have to sleep but it gets to a point where the dan’s like UR ACTING CRAZY GO TO ACTUAL SLEEP and shes like AUUUGHHH!! I NEED TO PLAY TOYS THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but eventually manages and it’s not only abt sleep but also about having to come to terms with. she cannot use opening to be ene as often as she’d like bc it makes her sort of revert progress. i also think she struggles with awful awful AWFUL insomnia bc she literally DOES NOT KNOW how to fall asleep anymore so for the longest time cannot do it (unless involuntarily thru her illness but like. NOT IDEAL). also bc her illness is basically unaffected by her power she’s still under regular medication

and haruka unlike everyone else cannot use his ability, or rather cant control it. awakening IS THERE. but it’s not like he can activate it or use it at will like everyone else with their snakes. awakening acts on its own and keeps his illness like. away. controlled. healed. who fucking knows DEFINITELY not the doctors and DEFINITELY not haruka but he’s like 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 because he doesnt rly have his illness. but he's still got a weak body, sorry haruka but ur ass is getting chronic pain💖 not in danger of death but ouchie. like i hc his heart condition as is is gone/where awakening focuses on so he wont die but he's got chronic pains and alternates between wheelchair and a cane. and like no one knows if he rly has awakening bc he cant control it/activate it and it’s just strange lol but he’s like no trust me it’s there otherwise i’d be 6ft under LOL!! (no one laughs when he makes this joke ): )

[citycemeteries]

: schizophrenia :

100,000 people live inside my hollow mouth and one of them sold their soul to satan dying to show you what the dark side is about or what you're made of

someone is screaming currently fighting demons sacred entities taking control and my ability to speak away - pacing back and forth old married couple fighting on a front porch think i have to resort to past habits to make sense of what matters pabst blue ribbon spilled on the carpet dogs barking the parking lot of my mind is filled to the brim and 12 of these whoevers are in a jazz band / drunk and disorderly people in there that can't stand or drive another one is divinely enlightened by god directly like first name basis vibes

~ icp is playing on 2 peoples car radios at the same time with the doors closed sounding muffled and loud somehow

there's one i hear that's hurtful dude cruel and rude they want me to feel pain and you to feel that way too - one is painting with the color blue all over the walls in my brain insanity seeping into my veins. red is taking over my eyes cant see anything / actually fuck i just watched someone dose at least 30 of them in there now i'm becoming aware

~ scary ass haunted house attraction where circus music is playing clowns spraying faygo maniacally laughing looping lapping around in circles crying out yelling help burning buildings down and cracking jokes the paperwork that had my name hopes and fears kinks dreams and why i hold in my tears is sticky covered in icky fizzy dripping tipsy spit and piss i'm making shit up again to feel like all of humanity fits inside of my body or my head looking visibly sloppy tasting every emotion in my chest I can't hold it together obviously questioning if i'm getting better lately or if i want to

~ monotonous situations ending up as second nature they all lie to me to you well who's next facial expression unimpressed desperate for a moment i don't double guess for once 2 plus 2 equals baby 2 to this dunce and baby you ought to see your face when i say no one could take your place the only one; my Truest Love wait who said that just now overlapping tapping trapped in skin asking how am i still here the beginning of time is where i reside no end in sight its all bent to my liking but my liking is corrupted recently whoops ow erupted by accident acting indecently i'm so sorry it happened again none of these people can be trusted What about me?

[emetkoto]

what's the emetkoto time loop au? i wanna hear your ideas about it!

I AM SO VERY GLAD YOU ASKED!!!!!!! its a fun little idea ive been kicking around in my head for a long time now on and off that drives me insane :) long story short its basically what it sounds like! after the dying gasp k'oto goes to bed.....and wakes up several days/weeks earlier :) everything goes the same way and then. it happens again! and again! and again!

long story LONG ofc eventually K'oto picks up on what's happening, it cant just be a weird recurring nightmare this has really been happening and its wearing him down bc uh, duh he's literally failed to save and had to kill his soulmate repeatedly now!! so he starts trying to change things...do things differently say things differently try to push for a different ending but unknown to him is that emet-selch is also aware of what they've found themselves trapped in and while k'oto believes that emet is the one who needs to be saved to break the loop, emet believes the opposite that its K'OTO who is the one who needs to be freed and thus he's reluctant to work with k'oto and keeps forcing bad ends bc he believes so strongly that hes right...they try just about everything except for any sort of ending where emet selch concedes and recognizing hes wrong bc that just cant be right ofc not!! eventually thought theyre both so tired and upset that emet selch cant keep up his "i dont know whats going on youre insane" act and they get into it a bit and hes blaming k'oto for not being cooperative and letting him kelp them both out of this completely ignoring all the times they DID try the ending emet selch thought was right that still caused a new loop and k'oto has to Call him a hypocrite like 'we have tried literally everything EXCEPT MY WAY why are you making this so DIFFICULT!!!! let me SAVE YOU PLEASE!!!!' and begs him like full on tears and exhaustion BEGGING because he jsut wants it to be over so they can be happy and emet gives in and they try things his way and it works because of course it does :,)

the thought ive had about how it all works lately is like. dynamis combined with the massive amount of aether at play during the dying gasp and k'otos feelings of wanting a better ending, another chance to make it right all coming together into some kind of forbidden magic being unknowingly casted...recurring thought of some sort of hourglass holding their souls and controlling the loop putting them and everyone else linked to them and the whole situation (so basically just the scions and anyone else they talked to in the few weeks that keep looping..also due to the dynamis-y nature of the magic emet selch is unable to break the spell or figure out how it works until way later) into sort of a stasis-y pocket dimension-y thing...their conflict makes things start to break down and by the end its like they need to figure this out or they and everyone else will basically die...yeah mostly i just keep thinking about a dramatic amv esque shot of them embracing as they make the decision to trust each other and go around one more time to make it right at last and the hourglass shattering as theyre freed. im normal

[brella-boi]

I know ive been sort of going insane in the past few weeks, or months, and ive been doing a lot of soul searching through it. ive been sort of manic about a lot of things while simultaneously burned out from a lot of things and not staying on top of what people booked me for commission wise and also thinking fifty thoughts an hour like some kind of insane beast and its been driving me crazy

the question of 'why am i losing my mind this way. why cant i relax and just watch a movie or play a game or do anything' has been plaguing my mind for months. and you might be thinking 'jay you havent never been this productive in your life' and youre right but i got it i got the answer

ive been pouring so much brain energy and thinking and art into expanding my shop even when i said at the start of the year that im gonna fucking relax and instead had 500 thoughts on how to invest more into it- i got it

there isnt a single thing ive been able to hyperfocus on in months

ive been flip flopping and trying to repurpose all this spare manic brain energy into SOMETHING and anything that it hasnt occured to me

so ive figured out a plan of action. im going to do what ive been wanting to do for the past 12 years and actually continue to build and expand on my xenobiology texts and eventually turn it into a zine/book. id like to write extensively about the alien species and dive deep into their world. ive been holding back on expanding their world as its essentially destroyed in the present day, but i think it would be cool and- more importantly- fun for me to focus on.

so by god hold me to it. hold me to this goal or im going to DIE from my racing brain and the monkey behind the wheel ive no control over

[luminousdelight]

Multisectional ventpost hhhhh

Okay, the first thing here is rly just, I really dont like being in that friend server im in kinda (yk dori, that one i invited you in once). Theres like- 2 people that kinda ruin it for me completely, like I really wanna get out of it, which like- is kinda awful because thats the only place I really feel like I can stay rn- im too anxious to just suddenly start talking in random servers and irl is obv not an option for me. The reason those ppl r like a problem is just, one of them cant go 2 messages without complaining about either "commies" or "trannies" and is overall just an annoying person with how often they bring this stuff up along with their sentiment, and they sexualize alot its rly uncomfortable. The other one isnt really as annoying but still- it makes me feel uncomfortable being around them kinda, theyre pretty transphobic too but at least they dont mention it on their own. They also think the Andrew Tate getting banned from his socials stuff was unfair because he was just "ironic" so- yeah... (Late edit but theres also someone that cant shut up about how Honkai is better than Genshin and it drives me insane like yeah, maybe, idk, but can you shut up about it sometime maybe actually and not mention it every 10 seconds?? We get it Oh yeah and they did say some pretty trnasphobic stuff as well. At least those 3 are the only ones). I really dont like being there

Another thing is like, I really really hate venting ab the same thing to the same person multiple times because it just feels like- ill be kinda repetitive about it eventually :,D and a sorry for that only works so many times. So I just end up bottling up alot of stuff because im rly afraid to bother ppl too much about it. The same is a bit with these public vents too but- its not that bad there at least, my fear there is rather that all of that falls on deaf ears (or that a person I dont want reading about my struggles ends up reading it, like the ones in the server i mentioned) ;w;

And another thingy vent with that ex-(??? | hopefully not ;w;) friend. I really dont think things happened like they played it out like- idk quite know how to explain it but- theres just alot of things that just wouldnt make sense to me in that case.. I know I keep telling myself I should let go ab this over and over again but I rly cant- I just feel extremely convinced I mustve done smth wrong ;w; and in that case I just end up extremely hoping there might still be a chance to get my feelings reciprocated again if any of this just happened to be a huge misunderstanding. But its also the only part of this I really have any control over by now and this thought process just keeps making me feel more tense and tense the longer this situation goes on i just ghdjghjsdhdfhjs ;A; So I just rly wanna let go just if thats not the case but hsjhdfjhf its so hard qwp I really dont wanna be too pushy with this either, and im also not sure if they might even find out ab these posts and all that, wouldnt rly be that unexpected tho i feel, i kinda hope they will, it would make things alot easier. Please save me from this, im begging --- ;-;

Edit edit!!: Ik my reasoning is a bit nonsensical for this, I was just in complete denial still when its clearly not worth it by any metric, even if they wouldve responded by now

[spikeinthepunch]

i have talked about it to some capacity with the post a made a bit ago about branding etc and hpw i feel about it and how i kinda got swayed into playing things safe with presentation bc of how people on the internet/esp professionals, read you.

which was something i got caught up in especially around my internship because even though i wanted to explore mature topics emotionally, i was still going to play it safe. i had that 'i could make a thing thats emotionally strong like steven universe, but nothing more'. the stuff i wanted to make i treated like that. the idea that anything i was going to make that i wanted to put into the industry i wanted to be in had to be safe enough for studio/execs. which is definitely a problem with current animation- everything needs to be in a certain range of safety.

interestingly i felt like i did escape this a few years ago- i was no longer caught up in getting a job in 2020 and all the complicated feelings about "i dont want to cater myself to kids because i dont want to make stuff for kids" hit hard by then after turning 21. i was drawing lots of nsfw (...which you guys here didnt see lol), i was letting myself make stories without any regard to a specific audience esp bc the wcrp i was doing gave me time to think about that in my free time. and the way i presented myself, in terms of my posts, did not hesitate on topics either.

which the recent (1 or 2~ years) change in branding that led up to the mikike 'mascot' i realize now that attaching to a mascot like this kinda entirely redirected my presentation. not exactly in terms of topics on my normal blogging (however i did stop posting a lot in general) but you know. the livestreaming nd video making, and in turn the way i would interact with the places people use for online marketing/audience building. interestingly, before mikike but when i had my website, i started my website with the intent of it being a place outside of social media where i could "do what i wanted without anxiety of whether or not i could post it". and uh, somehow i managed to do the opposite.

because eventually i felt like online presence wise, using mikike as a mascot to front me and my website, would be good! seemed simple enough. but then i ended up feeding into the cutesy design or more, felt like i had to present with this neutral design, one that would appeal to "everyone" which... sent me back to that mindset again. its a horrible conflicting mess when part of me was trying to be like "yes i want to post whatever on my own site!" and then "oh no im becoming a general audience streamer and play minecraft, i dont want people to see that stuff if they go to my website" (with the added, if i start to get involved with other people too, i would be nervous about them being aware of my website and ruining my rep). should be said, its not like i *am* posting anything egregious either- but theres inherent anxiety based off how people respond online in general, like im wanting on ice all the time regardless.

so suddenly i was back where i started. i really really wanted to hang on to this drive to get out there, make the videos i have in mind, etc. but in my head i get very caught up in whether or not my stuff will gain traction and then be criticized for things i cant control (the age of people, or just whether or not someone take some mature content i made as 'problematic'). reality is i need to not care-- but i have said it time and time again. it is SO hard as someone who grew up during 2014-2016 tumblr. because if you were there youd know how hellish this era was with its callout culture. it was insane, truly. and i like many other teens, felt like i needed to be loud and out there to judge problematic behavior in order to not be problematic, and be self aware all the time and to always judge my interests, and in turn be paranoid i may like something bad.

the urge to rebrand is built off of detaching from the image/mascot that is making me "play it safe". part of me is annoyed that i want to drop this overall look- i do like mikike, i do like the colors! theyre nice. buuut i do feel like i want something fresh. i have admittedly change my look quite a few times so, maybe this is just how i am too. idk.

[theartisticgamingwitch]

Any habits you like to share with the class?

OK welcome to the 7 deadly sins of my art farting career. Hopefully i will not get the punishments equal to these said sins in my life So buckle up cause were starting hot with lust.

Lust is a complicated one because im not twisting the anatomy to the point its not legit accurate. Looking at you superhero comics and games that are just boobs and ass mostly mortal kombat is a fall of this.. i just.. can't draw ugly people. Dont get me wrong i honestly am trying! Its just complicated. And dont worry i may write smut but i cant draw it either.. Ill try if im brave enough but i know better not to put it on my portfolio...or here..

ENVY ohhh boy do i have it. and i have ways to control this lil demon! Its okay to compare yourself to the masters/ other people BUT, not to the point where you think copying them 1000% will make you just like them! Mish mash your favorites to make your own style. Thats how i learned mine. Compete with yourself not with someone else. Take breaks from other peoples work if they make you the sads and focus on your end goals. ok now BACK IN THE CORNER ENVY!

Okay whos next *sees sloth playing animal crossing* Right. you.. I tend to get unmotivated by projects easily if im stressed the hell out or i dont like somthing in my sketchbook.. so i just put it away and go play some video games. IMHO this isnt 100% a bad thing.. we all need a break for a kit kat bar every now and then however HOWEVER!, Making excuses for weeks at a time effects your artwork later, So this is why you need to focus on the game but also allow yourself to take maybe 15 min breaks to do anything else besides video games. Water your plants, Play with your pets, Party in your room, EAT SOME FOOD!

Next is Gluttony and taking on too many things at once is a good and bad thing all at the same time. Welcome to the world of ADHD. This is mostly bad for me cause im a people pleaser and i want to please everyone except myself (yes my dad raised me as a doormat im slowly growing a spine.)

Now the biggest sin i have out of all of them...almost killed my chances of getting into this school.. PRIDE. Its okay to take pride in your work but, you have to learn when to step back and give what the client wanted..even if its in graphite form. Bite your lip and hold those words you were gonna say and just give what they wanted. You might just get in.

Next is greed and like i said before im a people pleaser not a greedy person so this one is off the table kind of however, i have seen people on my artstation and my linkdin accounts trying to work with me cause im going to this school and they gave off red flags. One was even a huhbot trying to sell me makeup. o

*looks at wrath* Okay buddy youre up! Now im not the 100% type to use blood, violence, and edgyness into my work. Its more i hate my own work and it drives me insane to where i wanna crumple it up, yeet it in the bin and start over..and this cycle can continue for a few days till i go into sloth mode. Dont be so harsh on yourself to where what your drawing is no fun! Try to think about it from another view if its not what you expected. You might be surprised on how it comes out.

[piercethekaeya]

genshin impact characters love languages & kinks

includes, thoma, kaeya, itto, beidou, & ningguang

nsfw ,, afab! reader (self insert is gn but has a vagina)

a/n : srry this is so short 😞 if you want another part to this, let me know some other charcters to do, and that being said, my inbox is always open for requests!

------------------------------------------------------------

thoma ;

love language(s) : acts of service & words of affirmation . he loves to show he loves you by taking good care of you and telling you!

"did you want a massage my love?"

kink(s) : exhibitionism & praise . he loves it when you watch him get off, it makes him go crazy. whether the praising is being given or received, thoma loves it either way.

"so good for me~ you're doing so good..."

kaeya ;

love language(s) : physical touch & words of affirmation . kaeya simply cannot keep his hands off you. he'll definitely let you know he loves you while he's chatting your ear off.

"i just cant keep my hands off you darling"

kink(s) : degradation & edging . kaeya can be a sweet talker– but he loves to talk filthy to you and embarrass you a little. when he edges you, he can't help but feel a bit superior, its just a little fun to toy with you.

"you're such a good fucking slut touching me like this.."

itto ;

love language(s) : quality time & physical touch . itto loves to be around you. he'll show his love by going on adventures with you (and his gang sometimes). he loves hugging you from behind.

"babe! lets go out and fun today!"

kink(s) : bondage & exhibitionism . itto can't resist his urges when he see you tied up, squirming, anticipating his next move in the bedroom. he gets so turned on watching you play with yourself,, prepping for him– it drives him insane and makes him crave you more.

"prepare yourself for me baby, i got the rope~"

beidou ;

love language(s) ; quality time & gifts . beidou is usually, or always sailing sea. either you're traveling alongside with her or you're not– but she'll always bring you something to remember.

"i thought about you the whole trip, here beautiful."

kink(s) ; strap-on & face sitting . beidou just straps that shit on and gets to business with you. she fucks you as if she had a real one. she prefers when you sit on her face but doesn't mind sitting on your face.

"sit that pretty pussy on this pretty face baby"

ningguang ;

love language(s) ; words of affirmation & gifts . ningguang always has a few keen, loving words to tell you up her sleeve. her words are definitely as stronger than actions. she also loves to bring you flowers and buy you cute little trinkets to see the smile on your face.

kink(s) ; praise kink & edging . she's constantly reminding you how good you with her kind, yet dirty words when you obey her. sometimes for fun, she'll control your orgasm the overstimulation gets you excited.

"what a good one you've been for me my dear~"

[dr4cking]

Caught

draco malfoy x reader | smut | (no plot just smut)

It was in the common room, draco and y/n was sitting with their friends hanging out like usual, y/n sat on draco's lap cuddled up to him while still talking and laughing with their friends, when suddenly she rolled her hips hard on accident while trying to contain her laughter when blaise was telling them a really funny joke. she didnt realized it but draco behind her already stiffened and trying hard not to moan when she keeps moving on his lap still laughing at blaise. that is until pansy walked in with a bag of candies and snacks in her hands and placed it in front of their friends. y/n stand up wanting to get something, draco let out a relief breath because if she sits longer in his lap, she will realized he had a boner it would be embarassing.

to his luck, y/n now sit beside pansy but it didnt help his horny ass as he watched her putting a lollipop into her mouth and sucking it deliciously, making his mind go wild as he imagined how would it feels to have her mouth sucking his dick. he shakes his head throwing off the wild imagination of his best friend since they were still in diapers. but the more he stare at her the more he cant control himself, he get up quickly covering his boner with his oversized tshirt.

"guys, i gotta head to bed, im really sleepy, see y'all tomorrow" draco runs to his room while y/n stared at him in confusion, she knows him too well, he doesnt go to bed at this time.

when draco finally arrived at his room, he closed the door and immediately go to his bathroom and sits on the closed toilet, pulling down his sweatpants and boxer, kicking them off onto the floor, his hard dick slapped up to his stomach, he hissed and begin to stroking himself. his mind instantly drift to the girl who made him do this, his thoughts of her sucking the lollipop earlier popped out in his mind, he lets out a moan imagining it was his dick that she sucked off. his breath got stuck on his throat and he fastened his pace while his thumb teasing the tip of his cock, collecting the precum and use it as a lube.

"fuck y/n" draco moaned louder at the thought of y/n on her knees, looking up at him with her innocent eyes, smirking to him while running her hand on his length, stroking it up and down before putting it into her mouth.

sweats started to running on draco's face while he brought his hand to his mouth to spit on it and use it as a lube to his cock. the thoughts of y/n having him inside her mouth and bobbing her head up and down, sucking him deeper until it touched the back of her throat causing her to gagged, looking up to him with her eyes watering, saliva dripping off her mouth, making him moaning louder and going faster.

on the other side, y/n was now walking to draco's room, she opened the door and raised her eyebrows in confusion when she didnt see draco in his room, until she hears a faint moans coming from the bathroom, her hand covered her mouth realizing what is happening, but what shocking her more that the curiousity got into her making her walking to where the sounds were coming. she stands straightly at the door of draco's bathroom that he doesnt bothered to closed, not be able to move but just watching the scene in front of her, she feels the wetness down there starting to grow when she heard her name repeatedly coming from the boy in front of her and just looking at how hot his face looks right now.

"fuck- im so close, y/n, please" draco screamed her name loudly as he feels his cock twitched on his hand.

but as he was about to come, his eyes suddenly opened and looking at the door and his heart dropped to his stomach as he realized the girl that has been on his mind standing alive at the door of his bathroom, jaw dropped, mouth hung open and eyes widening, looking at what he did right now. her cheeks is tinted red.

"draco?" y/n called out his name as she looking at draco who's still froze, his face full of panicked.

"holy shit, y/n! im sorry! i- i didnt- i was just- i was just- merlin! you werent supposed to see this" draco seems lost at his words trying to explained the whole situation to y/n while covering his part, looking down, scared at what her reaction.

to his surprise, y/n walked in to the bathroom, locking it and approaching him. she stood in front of him making him looking up at her and widening his eyes as he watched her stripped down her clothes showing him her body.

"oh draco, you're definitely not sleeping, baby" y/n smirking and dropped to her knees, spreading his legs so she gets the full view of him, draco's breath got stuck as he feels her hands running on his thighs and her lips kissing them softly.

"y/n are you sure about this? you dont have t-" draco's words got cut off by y/n placing her finger on his lips indicating him to shut his mouth.

"let me help you, draco" y/n grabbed his cock and pump it a few times before putting it inside her mouth. draco let out a groan when her lips touched his tip. she decided to tease it, give it a little blow, and kiss it softly. draco was getting impatient and grip her hair shoving his cock fully inside her mouth making her moan at the sudden contact. he throw his head in pleasure as y/n started to bobbed up and down, her nose touching the base as she keeps going down, sucking deeper.

"fuck just like that, baby" y/n keep sucking him harder and faster, she pulled away to catch her breath for a second and back again, she lick a straight line on his cock and putting it back on her mouth, her hand playing with his balls squeezing it softly, she swirls her tongue sucking him deeper, deep-throating him until she gagged, the vibration triggering draco to cum hard in her mouth, shooting his thick cum inside her, its so much that it started to drip out of her mouth, draco moaned as she swallowed all his cum and wipe the cum that dripped down on her chin with her finger, licking it clean with a 'pop'.

y/n stand up and straddling draco who is still sitting on the toilet. she grabbed his cock and pump it twice before pushing it inside her tight hole. they groaned at the feeling of each other. draco grabbed her jaw and kissed her passionately, their tongue move in sync swallowing each other faces. y/n pulled away and started to kiss his earlobe and jaw then sucking hard on his neck marking him, sending butterflies to his stomach while still rolling her hips on his cock. she pulled away, moaning his name and throw her head in pleasure as his cock keep hitting her spot. draco's lips instantly attached to her neck marking her too. his hand found its way to her neck and squeezed it tightly, choking her. his lips move down to her nipple, sucking hard and biting softly making her aching her back. his other hand gripping her hips helping her bouncing faster on his cock.

"fuck baby, you're so fucking tight" draco's hands holding up her thighs lifting her a bit and started to thrust upwards into her faster and harder making them both a moaning mess. y/n rest her head on his neck, her nails clawed at his back as she feels she's close. draco keep pounding hard into her biting her shoulder lightly as he feels his cock twitched inside her.

"d- draco im so close" y/n moaned and now looking up at him pressing her forehead to him keeping the eye contact.

"me too baby, lets do it together" and with final thrust, they came together, hard, screaming each other names loudly, both panting. draco grabbed her face and kissed her with so much love, muttering a 'thank you' and praising her before pulling away. they both stand up, staring at each other in disbelief and laughing together.

"i love seeing you with my cum dripping off your thighs, y/n" draco smirked while grabbing the tissue to clean her up.

"oh shut up dray! i cant believe i just fucked my best friend" y/n let out a small chuckles while giving him soft kisses on his face.

"you know i've been wanting to do that since forever, y/n. you're driving me insane but in a good way, i've fallen for you since years ago." draco said as they both walked out of the bathroom and lay her down gently on his bed before joining.

"trust me draco, me too." draco pulled her body into his, hugging her tightly, kissing her again showing her how much he loves her.

"be mine, darling? let me take you on a date tomorrow." draco said as he pulled away and caressing her cheek softly.

"i'‘ve always been yours, draco" with the last kiss, they both fall asleep cuddling to each other.

[its-me-im-coraline]

NSFW Alphabet // Damiano David

words // 1468

warnings // clearly smut

pairing // Damiano x Reader

author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. sorry if this feels rushed but i want to escape the heat and the laptop brings too much of it

request // yes, through a reblog i cant find

summary // self explanatory

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like Damiano is pretty good at taking care of you after but a lot of the time he is the one to require the aftercare. He gets kind of insecure after sex, like I don’t know… He will require some kind of confirmation that he did well, that he did not hurt you, that you loved him. Generally he needs reassurance sometimes.

His hands were now wrapped around you, after everything that went down, all the spanking and the harsh words, he needed to feel you close, to let you know that he didn’t mean all that.

“Are you ok, mi amore?” His voice was soft, tone ever so gentle, his fingers rubbing small circles on your arm.

“Exhausted, but yes, I am perfect.” The little smile you gave him was all the reassurance he needed.

Suddenly he became a little more confident, small ‘I love you’s escaping his lips as he tucked you under his arms.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I feel like Damiano’s favorite part of himself would most likely be his face. Honestly it might sound a little weird for me to say this but I feel like that's it, ok. Like, he can convey all his feelings through his face, he can lure you in so wonderfully with his facial expression and oh well he’d love it if you sat on his face or simply used his face to get off, regardless the position.

Now as for his favorite part of you i feel like it would probably be your thighs. No matter gender, he would find your thighs to be such a turn on, any time and anywhere.

(this will refer to pussy-bearing reader lol so yeah, sorry for that, I can’t think of a gn scenario with thighs)

He was being driven insane all night. He knew it was a bad idea to take you out after that stunt you pulled that morning with the ‘accidental’ not-wearing-underwear-under-his-shirt incident. He had not given you what you wanted then so you were planning on getting it now.

Your thighs were adorned with thigh high stockings, garters and all accompanying them. You knew his weakness and you’d play with it till the end.

For the whole night, Damiano tried to not react. He did not want to seem like he’s possessive or overbearing or whatever else, so he let it be for a while, but after one point it had gotten too much, he could not take it anymore.

“Amore, I think it’s time to leave,” he said, loudly enough for your friends to hear as well.

“Oh, but why Damiano, I want to stay a little longer,” you whined, receiving a little spank on the back of your thigh, thankfully the music could cover it up.

“If you want a chance to ride my face, you’ll come with me, or else you can wait to have an orgasm for another week.” this time his words were quite enough for your ears only, the idea of what he’d do later was not something he wanted your friends to have.

“Yeah, now that you said it, I’m getting a bit tired. Ooof my feet hurt from dancing. Goodnight.”

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He’s pretty big on seeing him cum on you. I think I said something similar for Ethan but Damiano is full on messy cum. He does not care where you are, what you’re wearing, whatever, he will cum on you. On your face, your shirt, your underwear. It does not matter. He’s like the type of guy that goes like “oh you want it, amore? You want my cum? Tell me where you want it,” and then will come where you direct him to.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He kind of wants to see you get fucked by somebody else while he watches… He is kind of scared to express that, not knowing how you’d feel

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I’d say a good medium. He’s experienced, he’s surely not new to this, but i don’t think he has had that many sexual partners. He feels like the guy that needs a connection before he can have sex, at least most of the times. So he is experienced enough.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I feel like he’d enjoy mostly well you riding his face, your legs up his shoulders as he fucks into you or kind of entangled, your right leg over his right hip and your left between both of his (its called ‘pretzel dip ffs)

he want to be able to feel your thighs all over him

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He some times is goofy when he is close to cumming and he starts the whole “where do you want it”. Some times he would crack jokes.

Generally i feel like he is goofy in bed

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He does not care to much but he could possibly trim it down if its too bothersome when you suck his dick.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can be very romantic if you want him to but most times he’s kind of goofy as i mentioned. The very intimate moments are very specific. After a romantic date, on an anniversary, your or his birthday and so on and so forth

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He masturbates a lot, cause he thinks about you a lot. Some times he’ll see old photos of you two before he left on tour and he gets turned on by your thighs

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

well as i said he thinks of you being fucked by someone else and him seeing you, so id say a bit of voyeurism and cuckolding. He’s a switch so he’s only dominant when there is no one else to be dominant, so the idea of someone fucking you and shaming him while doing so is kind of a hot idea some times.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He will go anywhere you guys are if he can’t stop it. Seriously quickies at club bathrooms are too common for you two

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

As I already mentioned: thighs. If you are wearing thigh high anything, short tight dresses, short shorts that are tight around your thighs, garters, tight jeans, tight dress pants… Anything with your thighs kills him

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers giving it. Like yeah, he loves it when you give him oral but he seems like the type of man that for example eats pussy for his own pleasure. I can seriously imagine him coming home from working at the studio and he’s stressed as fuck and (after getting your consent of course) he’d lay between your thighs and start giving you oral.

“But Dami I’m reading a book.”

“So? Continue. This is not about you. I’m stressed, it’s about me.” You’d simply just laugh, knowing very well you won't be able to concentrate on your book.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

he is usually quite fast. he doesn’t exactly love the slower pace. the slower pace is for when you guys are extremely intimate, as i talked about before, or if he is teasing you

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He is down to experiment with most things. He is very comfortable with his sexuality so he does not mind most things, except some few ones that he finds a bit disgusting (no offence)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I feel like he would buy you a toy that he can control from far away and he’d get one for him that you’d control so you kind of mutually jack off each other while he’s on tour or either of you is away for days.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Enough to show you punishment but also enough to receive one at times

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s pretty big. Not too much (overwhelmingly much like Ethan) but big enough to be considered big. Above average

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He gets horny pretty easily ig. With all the adrenaline from shows the moment he sees you he’s ready to jump your bones.

tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina @the-killer-queenie @makapaka11 @teenyweenynightghost

[starlight-writes-stuff]

SO HEAR ME OUT an nsfw alphabet for draco

hey bestie - im literally so excited to do this (: i have a guilty pleasure of reading nsfw alphabets so u really hit the nail on the head with this request . n e ways , enjoy !

AYO LOOK AT THESE ! : smut (duh but still) , hair pulling , breeding k!nk , unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it) , masturbation , choking , light bondage , praise kink , general adult themes and content so please only read if ur okay with that .

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3 ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

draco is the literal definition of a fluff fic after sex - hes so soft and loving and affectionate . if the sex was on the rougher side , draco goes out of his way to kiss any bruises , cuts , or red marks he may have left on you, soothing the sinfully painful spots with soft touches of his suddenly gentle fingertips.  

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

draco is built like a greek mf god , and he knows it . he’s all lean , toned muscles and his alabaster pale skin only makes him look more ethereal . draco is quite proud of his body and isn’t afraid to show off if needed.

draco literally loves everything about you , and you’ve tried over and over to get him to pick his most favorite - he never does it because he’s a stubborn little shit and refuses to let you think that he values one part of you over any other . finally , you wore him down to coming up with a top 3 : your hands , your hair , and your chest .

 your hands as they fit perfectly in his , they brush his hair out of his eyes with a gentleness that melts him every time (and the way you dig your nails into his back or his arms iykyk) . 

draco loves your hair mostly because its the exact opposite of his own ; long , thick , and chocolate brown . he’s constantly playing with your hair , whether that's running his hands through it or gently tugging on it to get your attention . he would kill you if you ever told anyone , but draco taught himself how to braid your hair so he would have something repetitive to do to calm his anxiety .

 draco loves your chest : he's such a boob guy . he is such a boob guy . even in a non-sexual context , draco loves having his hands up your shirt just feeling how soft your breasts are , the way that he can feel your heartbeat if you’re still enough . when things are getting *frisky* draco loves your tits - in his hands , using his mouth on them , titty-fucking you , literally everything . 

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

draco has a huge breeding kink , but is simultaneously terrified of getting you pregnant. he knows that he wants to be a dad eventually , but draco malfoy is the king of daddy issues™ and can’t fathom having a child right now .

that doesn’t stop him from filling you up with his cum every time you guys fuck - draco loves watching your face as you take his entire load , begging him not to pull out . 

once he does , though , draco’s head is immediately between your legs watching his manhood drip out of you , fingering it out of you while you whimper at the way he seems to hit all the right spots . 

he’s extremely thankful for the tiny , yellow birth control pills that you’re on , and he reminds you every day to take them .

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

draco had never , ever said i love you to someone during or after sex until the two of you had your first time . now , its a normal occurrence for draco to tell you how much he loves you as he thrusts into your pretty , fucked out body . he lets his forehead fall to yours , moaning the words in between heavy breaths as he finishes inside you .

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

draco had a couple of hookups , and a complicated friends with benefits situation before the two of you got together , so he was somewhat experienced by the time you guys finally got down to it . he made sure you felt so good the entire time , using every trick in his book to make you cum around him over and over until he reached completion as well . 

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

draco is a sucker for regular old missionary . he likes being able to watch your face as you take every inch of him , watching your facial expressions change and morph under the influence of his pleasure . if he’s eager to feel you - all of you - draco will hook one of your legs over his shoulders , giving him better access to your sex . this is the one instance where draco wont keep eye contact with you : he can't resist watching himself slide in and out of you , coated in your cum .

however

he's an absolute sucker for you riding him , too . he loves to let you take control and chase your pleasure - plus the visual of you bouncing up and down on his cock , eyes rolling back into your head as you hit all the right spots is enough to send him over the edge . if you get tired while on top , draco will gladly hold your hips in place , fucking up into you until you practically collapse into him , entirely taken over by the force of your orgasm. 

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

intimacy is something that didn’t come easy for you and draco; he’d never been with someone that he actually loved before you . there was a deep intensity to the emotions shared between you two during sex , and draco viewed that time between the both of you as something almost sacred . foreplay , or just general teasing can be silly with you two , but making love is more serious . 

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

draco keeps himself trimmed , but not entirely clean shaven , and the hair down there is darker than his signature white-blond locs .

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

(refer back to g but i could talk about this for days) draco is incredibly romantic when it comes to sex . your first time was like something out of a movie - draco had lit candles everywhere , filling the room with soft , flickering light , as well as changing the sheets on your bed to a soft , white cotton . he’d taken his time making you comfortable ; you and draco had talked through all your fears for hours before he laid a hand on you . once you were ready , draco’s touches had been soft and slow and tender all over your body - he’d made you feel like the angel you were . quickly , you learned that draco wasn’t like that just because it had been your first time ; draco made an effort to make sex just as special every time. 

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

draco was raised thinking that masturbation was a shameful act , something dirty and below him (you literally can not tell me that this isn't true i'll fight it until the day i die . as much as i love narcissa the malfoy family fkn sucks and they damaged draco so bad . anyways) so it’s very rare that he’ll get himself off. when he does , its somewhere where he can quickly get rid of the evidence , such as the shower . 

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

while draco makes sex between you two meaningful and special , that doesn’t mean that he’s afraid to be rough (after yall have had a long talk about it before where you gave him enthusiastic consent ofc . ) 

draco loves to pull your hair or wrap a hand around your throat while he’s hitting it from the back , so much so that he’ll bring your back up to his chest . 

he really enjoys a bit of light choking here and there - just enough to watch your pretty face flush with blood , making your moans the slightest bit weaker . 

draco loves to tie your hands up above your head while he’s eating you out as well ; it makes you take all the pleasure he’s willing to give , and he lives for the way your body writhes and bucks under his skillful tongue. 

you literally can not tell me that draco doesn’t have a praise kink - both giving and receiving . draco loves to tell you how good of a job your doing whether you're sucking him off or taking all of him inside you , and he’s constantly reassuring you that you’re doing such a good job.

however

he fucking loves when you praise him as well (my theory as to why is so fkn sad so we wont go over that here) but that boy lives for you telling him how good he’s making you feel , and when you encourage him nodding and whining for him to go faster . its the one thing that undoes him almost immediately , and he flushes furiously every time you tell him just how fantastic he’s doing .  

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

you and draco rarely get it on outside of your bedrooms at hogwarts , or your childhood rooms when you’re home for the summer - but there’s an exception to every rule. draco has absolutely ruined you in the quidditch changing rooms after a rather brutal loss , and he’s the king of shower sex , too.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

praise !! draco loves you telling him how good his dick feels , or his tongue , or his hands . he also appreciates when you’re rather direct with him - telling draco exactly where you want him , what you want him to do - it drives him absolutely insane . hearing such dirty words come from your sweet , innocent mouth kills him , and it makes draco that much more excited.

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

there's nothing draco wouldn’t try at least once , but he’s rather uncomfortable with voyeurism. he hates the idea of anyone else seeing your body , watching how you wriggle and whine underneath him as he makes you cum . while the two of you have done it in some questionable locations , draco had made sure that no one could see . 

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

while draco loves your mouth wrapped around him , that boy could spend all day between your legs . he's nothing short of obsessed with eating you out , and its one of his favorite things to do for you . he cant help the way it makes him feel - hearing you whimper and moan while you pull on his hair , your back arching off the bed when his tongue flicks in just the right way . he gets a sort of high from it , and absolutely prides himself on making you cum with just his tongue . 

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

it really depends on the day . draco loves fucking you slow , watching his manhood slide in and out of your pretty body coated in your arousal , but he cant resist fucking you so hard he leaves bruises , either . if its just a regular day , the two of you fall somewhere in between , a perfect mix of rough and sweet . 

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

draco loves a good quickie every once in a while ! sometimes he needs a release , and your body is his favorite vessel . usually quickies are where the two of you get a little more risky - he’ll grab your arm , pulling you into an empty classroom or the shower and take you then and there . 

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

yes and no . draco would try anything and everything , especially if you asked him to , but there are some things that are a one-and-done for him . the two of you are good at talking about that stuff - if something made one of you uncomfortable , the other would understand 100% . its all about the balance of boundaries and still being adventurous. 

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

draco would fuck you all day if you would let him . he can make you cum many , many times before he’ll allow himself to even get close , and even then his stamina is through the roof . he can go at least 3 rounds if not more , and switch positions as many times as you’d like . 

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

while draco doesn’t mind you using toys on yourself , they do make him slightly jealous . you gently tease him about this sometimes , how he works himself into a sulk over an inanimate object - however, that usually leads to your hands tied to his headboard , draco holding a vibrator on your clit until you can’t take anymore orgasms. 

you two have expirimented with using your vibrator during sex , but draco much prefers playing with your clit over using an outside source , and seretly , you do too . he’s amazing with his hands , and rubs tight , fast circles onto your sensitive nub while his hips snap against yours only intensifying the sensation .

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

draco loves to tease you - he likes to watch the way you come undone under the slightest touches of his hands . very rarely does he tease you for long - he can’t resist giving you what you want , what you’re begging him for in that high , breathy voice .

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he’s a loud motherfucker all the time , and the bedroom is no exception . draco’s moans are music to your ears , and they turn you on more than anything . his already rough voice only gets raspier , and deeper , too . he loves to talk dirty to you , but as he approaches his orgasm , he can barely form full sentences . his cocky pillow talk turns to almost desperate moans and whimpers as his thrusts get sloppier and quicker , his hips snapping against yours hard . his groans as he cums are heavenly , especially since he’s usually buried his head in your neck or dropped his forehead to yours by then . 

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

we all know that draco have a superiority / god complex (as he should 😌) , and this manifests in the bedroom - you would’ve never known , though , if it weren’t for a complete accident . you and draco had been studying together , and he’d asked one of the yes or no questions written on a flashcard .  not thinking about your actions , you’d answered the question with “no, sir” - then physically felt draco’s entire body stiffen underneath you . you’d picked up on it immediately , blood flooding your face as you’d asked him if he liked it .

yes , he did .

he loves when you call him sir as he’s fucking the life out of you - like , he has to stop himself from cumming on the spot . 

when you want to fuck with him for whatever reason , you’ll jokingly call him ‘sir’ in front of your friends

you’ll pay for it later , though

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

mans is built in every sense of the word . draco is quite well endowed , which was something that took you a bit to get used to . he was never one to measure - it just seemed wrong to him , like he was doing something dirty - but by your estimations , draco is about 7 inches . he’s thicker than most , too , which only adds to your pleasure . 

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

draco lives in a constant state of horny™ . he can’t help it - something about you brings out his most primal instincts . he’s so in love with you and your body that he can rarely keep his hands off of it , but he knows how to control himself . he tries to match your sex drive ; when yours is high , his is too , but he doesn’t mind waiting on you to give him the green light if you’re libido has been lower . 

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

its safe to say that the both of you are extremley tired after sex - its quite the workout . draco is so soft once he’s finished , and he would live in that post-sex haze forever if he could ; he’s all sweet kisses and skin-to-skin contact , but he’ll usually wait until you fall asleep on him before he can drift off . something about making sure that you’re comfortable enough to sleep on him fills draco with a sense of immense pride . once you’ve fallen asleep, depending on how vigorous everything was , draco will usually fade pretty soon after ; on the off chance that he still has some energy , draco stays up and watches you . he looks at you as if you were a piece of art , usually following the soft lines and curves of your face with a gentle finger ; admiring you like the angel you are .

[kingzephy]

Man. I just keep thinking about Dead Souls and how much I fucking love it. Im just gonna ramble about it under the cut

Im not finished w it yet im almost finished but. Its so criminally underrated and it sucks that it hasnt gotten a proper good localization or port that isnt janky and laggy. I dont regret buying or playing it in the slightest.

Yeah its absolutely got some issues and I could talk about them for a long time, but it scratches this itch for me that I just cant explain well. I love it. I love cheesy campy media thats so bad its good which is honestly a big reason why i like it. It doesnt take itself too seriously at all. In a way it almost reminds me of some games I grew up playing, like re4 and house of the dead in a sense. Its really nothing like those games but you know what I mean

I actually dont mind the controls too much (though to be fair I had to switch to the type b control scheme and that feels better to me). Not being able to do the auto aim and walk at the same time doesnt bother me as much as i thought it was going to but it’s probably cuz im used to that from re4. Thankfully theres multiple aiming modes which makes up for that and you can walk around with the strafe aiming which is actually mostly accurate and feels good to use

Some of the weapons like Majima’s shotgun or Ryuji’s gatling gun especially are really satisfying. Even if theres a few enemies in particular that drive me insane (the monkey boys and especially the molotov cocktail zombies are so annoying they are the bane of my existence) overall i dont have too many issues w the combat aside from. Heat snipes being difficult to trigger sometimes, the auto aim can be a little glitchy every now and then, and occasionally getting overwhelmed by hoards of zombies but thankfully theres good weapons and attacks for that. I like that they included shit like chainsaws and flamethrowers

I love all the characterization they squeeze in for Majima and Ryuji especially, Its always great getting to play as Majima of course and I kinda think hes at his best in this game in some ways for several reasons, despite the weird localization. Hes just out there living his best life and I love that for him. Its good getting to see him like. Actually kinda happy for once. Its always nice getting to see him interact with characters like Akiyama. AND it was good getting to see more Akiyama and Hana together ofc

I really love the hostess conversations and the nonchalant and casual banter, I eat that shit right up. So much interesting dialog. I really enjoy the substories quite a bit, some of them more than others but i love how they poke fun at certain tropes. Theres a few real stand out ones. The main story is enjoyable and funny in a ridiculous way, even if the pacing can be weird and the plot is objectively not done well but I love it anyway for its cheesy edginess. Theres a few scenes that have really stuck with me. I think its funny how a lot of the citizens are in denial or are straight up just unaware of the outbreak and act like life goes on like normal which is something that I think. Aged well. Given the current state of the world rn

As a fan of other survival horror games its fun seeing the very obvious references to other games and such (L4D, RE, etc). I like getting to see Kamurocho in a state of complete disarray, I think the idea of separating the unaffected areas and the quarantine zones is smart and a cool idea so theres not constant zombies everywhere, the game gives you a bit of reprieve (even if it means theres some backtracking and taking the long way around things sometimes). I like how the zones move and change over time as the story progresses and more areas get infected.

Anyway. I dont really care if a piece of media is objectively good as long as Im personally having a good time and having fun w it and I can definitely say Ive had fun. If I wasnt a yakuza fan I can tell you for a fact I would not like this game but. I dunno. I am not immune to its charm. If youre a big yakuza fan and you haven’t played it I recommend at least checking it out on an emulator or something