#i cant imagine theyd do that if he wasnt a lock so lets fucking

[3416]

the world now that the leafs have rights to pending ufa chris tanev and are gonna (HOPEFULLY) sign him this weekend

[urmomification]

WOOO POG DREAM SMP AU

theres 1.8k words and 9,393 characters of a schlatt au below the cut LMAO

[i was rambling to my friend and this is what came out of it! send me an abt it if u have questions i would love to talk abt it more pls]

(slight body horror/gore tw!!)

slams fists on table rattling any dishes on the table au where schlatt doesnt die of a heartattack and tubbo locks him up to rot basically and his horns grow into his eyes effectively blinding him and chained his hands together and basically a leash on him to keep him from moving around in his cell so he cant do anything to break the horns off before they get too long and one day when technos breaking into lmanberg he gets chased into the prison and loses them in the halls before coming across schlatts cell and schlatts calling out like 'whos there i can hear ur foot steps whos there please someone whos there' etc yk and technos speechless they thought they executed him to keep him from causing any more problems in the country but this is this is just much worse than anything he even thought theyd do and hes standing in front of schlatts cell just looking at him as if hes imagining it he knew lmanberg was bad but holy fuck they just let this man rot in a cell to the point of his own horns blinding him and giving him no aid or way to ease the pain so he makes himself known and schlatt 'ive never been so happy to see, well, hear an anarchist in my life, its good to see- hear you technoblade' and chuckles and blood runs down his face like tears would, few drops landing on his clothes before techno starts trying to get into the cell to take him out of there he cant leave him here sure he was an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but he had standards and now that schlatt wasnt in power he had nothing against him really considering he isnt a citizen of lmanberg so he manages to pick the locks enough to get him out of there, schlatts arm slung over technos shoulder they stumble out of the prison building and as they slowly make their way to the nether portal to get back to technos base, they run into tubbo and quackity, schlatts old right hand men and they try to stop techno bc hes well an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but the glare techno gives them levels them and theyre left staring at each other for a moment when schlatt 'whyre we stopped whos there tech' and techno mumbles 'tubbo and quackity schlatt' and schlatt just furrows his brows as far as he can without sending excruciating pain into his eye sockets before he purses his lips and asks 'are they going to try and stop us?' techno looks back at the other two 'no they wont, isnt that right boys?' tubbo and quackity slink away allowing techno and schlatt to the portal and them going thru, schlatt still silent as he tries not to trip over technos cape or off the ledge of the bridge passing over the lava lakes, they make it to the portal and begin the walk across the arctic tundra to technos house, philza isnt there right now so its just the two of them and techno leads him up the ladder to his room (its not really a room i think its just a bed, a bell and an enchantment table) and sits him down on his bed mumbling something abt being right back and he is with some medical supplies and a change of clothes to clean everything up, they dont talk techno works in silence and when schlatt winces he mumbles a small apology before continuing eventually techno got schlatt as cleaned up as you can get someone w horns in their eyes and a sweater to keep him warm and finally starts asking questions 'how long had u been in there' 'lost count' 'did they bring you food' 'a chests worth at the beginning of the month' techno sighs 'i thought they executed you' 'tubbo chickened out despite me being 'an active threat to our peace in lmanberg' and locked me up a few days after u set the withers loose and dropped off a chest of food once a month and most of them refused to talk to me others couldnt even make eye contact with me, other than the few instances where they said things like 'heres ur food' or 'u deserve this' or 'i cant believe tubbo let u live' i talked to no one other than myself for however long i was in there' techno stands and walks around for a moment before flipping some pages and schlatt can hear him gasp quietly in mild surprise 'what is it tech' looking in the direction he heard techno from and techno says, turning to face schlatt on his bed 'schlatt that was almost 3 months ago' a single beat of silence rings for what feels like forever 'oh. i, i didnt think itd been that long. though it would explain my current predicament' loosely gesturing towards his face 'oh right abt that i have a few questions if ur ready to answer some' schlatt hums and techno grabs a pen and paper and sits next to him in case he needs to take any notes for future reference 'how fast do ur horns normally grow' 'idk just a steady amount my whole life pretty much' 'will they ever stop growing' 'they generally stop growing around 30 and continue to grow more in width than length' 'did anyone who brought u food notice' 'they grow quickly and by the time the person w the third chest came around they were getting close to my eyes but they didnt listen to me, no one did' he sighs looking down at would be his hands 'the odds of both of my horns growing into my eyes and blinding me like this are so low but of course it would happen to me' a chuckle void of any amusement 'because losing my country and my people and my power wasnt enough already' techno stands up 'you had that coming' schlatt actually laughs this time, short and curt 'ok fair, u were the one that took me down afterall' and from then on schlatt lives w techno and phil and eventually tommy and then without tommy (tommy was Not happy when he found out that schlatt was living with techno but he needed somewhere to stay too and techno happens to live in an arctic tundra where only a handful of people know how to get to so he didnt complain too much) and eventually techno saws off schlatts horns at the bend adn removes them from his eyes bc if they kept growing into his head theyd hit his brain and kill him on top of blinding  him and techno gags and almost throws up despite not being sensitive to gore  and gives schlatt a bandanna to cover the holes in his head for everyones sake and once they heal somewhat he can find something else out and thats how they live, schlatt helps with what he can like farming w phil but mostly spends his time learning braille or something so he can read and techno gets him books in braille so he isnt bored or alone like he was in the prison and he feeds him and takes care of him and schlatt is funny and entertaining despite being blinded by something from his own body and the torture it was like to rot in a cell alone for almost a 1/4 of a year and nights when techno gets home late and hes shaken and the voices are bad schlatt will sit behind him and play with his hair and talk abt his own day and rub technos back and in return when schlatt relapses and gets violent and angry techno will wash his hair and read him stories until he calms down and hopefully asleep and no one told him the news that wilbur died so when ghostbur shows up and starts talking to him he treats him the same as he would wilbur bc he cant see that hes a ghost all thats different is his speech pattern and overall personality and one day he says 'ur different wilbur what happened to that, i dunno spark u used to have' and wilbur simply 'im not sure if im being honest a lot abt me has changed since i died, or so im told i dont remember much from when i was alive' and schlatt just 0_0 and then hes scrambling down the ladder and stumbling around the house looking for techno, finding him in the basement working on something and when he gets there hes out of breath and his hands are shaking bc holy shit wilburs not only dead but a ghost and he was just talking to me and he doesnt remember what i did and and and and techno is shocked to see schlatt in the basement and asks whats up and schlatt just 'wilbur died wilbur fucking died tech why didnt anyone tell him and now hes a ghost hes a fucking ghost who lives in ur house and doesnt remember anything he doesnt remember that he blew up lmanberg does he he remembers my name but not anything that i did what hes a fucking ghost techno hes a ghost holy fuck' and technos just standing there like ??? no one no one told him 'yea philza had to kill him after he blew up lmanberg i thought u knew thats why i didnt say anything' oh. 'phil, phil had to kill him?' 'yea its a touchy subject, dont bring it up' and simply goes back to what he was working on so schlatt sits on the ground by the ladder and listens to him work his brain going a mile a minute trying to comprehend whats going on 'would i have become a ghost if theyd chosen to execute me?' 'its hard to say im unsure if theres specific circumstances that contribuite to someone becoming a ghost but theres really no telling' and goes back to working yet again and from then on they fall into an easy schedule of techno going out and doing whatever an anarchist terrorist w a murder record does on ur average wednesday and schlatt stays home reading and organizing whatever he can based on size and feeling and sleeping in windowsills and schlatt greeting techno comes home beaten up and full of new resources and a side of bruises and cuts so he tends to them, getting better at maneuvering and functioning without needing to see then techno making dinner and then curling up by the fire for the night enjoying each others company as they talk abt their days :]

[minidog]

Hi i hate writing this is on ao3 too

they were kids once.

there were summers spent without a care in the world. hazy memories of when they were simply boys, dirtying their church clothes in spite of their mothers warnings from playing in the dirt. it kicked up in clouds in the air as they screamed and squealed with delight, bonding in the way only children can. no one knew one anothers names, or their parents, their favorite colors, their fears, their hopes, and somehow sparring with sticks fashioned into swords was enough to feel like theyd known each other for thousands of years.

it was a time before girls were talked about only in relation to the size of their breasts or the length of their dresses, before adults built walls with talk of sanctity and virginity. somehow, they all seemed to look happier when it wasnt dictated what constituted as a 'girl game' or a 'boy game'. theyd play pretend with the other children until the sun started to make its way down the sky and their parents called them home for dinner.

thea never liked how he played. it was a hot day, and even though the suns rays beat down relentlessly on them, she insisted they leave for the creek where the others were surely splashing about. "god forbid we become hermits, hanschen," shed said. she was the sort of young girl to have no qualms with using the lords name in vain, and the sort of young girl who enjoyed throwing words like 'hermits' to make her brother feel stupid. they were at the creek, and hanschen watched from underneath the branches of the old oak as his sister, dirt and sand caked on her chubby face, chased martha and otto into the water. she was pretending to be a great white shark, which neither of the kids wouldve known since she only referred to it by the latin name she found in an encyclopedia a week before, while the other town kids watched with mild interest before deciding to incorporate her odd shtick into their own fantasy worlds.

she spun around when martha and ottos feet hit the water, followed by heavy splashing as they sprinted through the shallows, sun-bleached blonde hair whipping across her shoulder. she stomped over to him, brown eyes the coldest glare a six year old could possibly muster. he looked up, unimpressed, crossing his arms across his chest. "what?"

"what?" she mimicked him. "do you intend to be so insipid?"

he decided against asking her what insipid meant and where on earth shed ever heard it before, instead looking up at the young girl with a thoroughly unimpressed stare. "only if it makes you mad," he told her. it was his duty as her twin.

suddenly, she hauled hanschen up to his feet with superhuman strength and pushed him so hard he stumbled into the creek. the cold water shocked his entire body as he fell backwards, soaking his clothes quickly. hed have screamed if his head didnt go under for a brief few seconds, instead coughing water hed inhaled on accident. all to the amusement of thea and the others, of course.

his arm stung from abrasions courtesy of the rocks under the water, and when he held it up for inspection, spots of bright red blood had already began to run down his forearm. even as a child, he was more annoyed than anything else.

he drew his eyes away from his scraped arm to give thea a pointed glare, but she was no where to be found, evidently disappeared once her game with martha and otto picked up again. instead he met the eyes of another boy, one hed seen around often. hed been writing something with a branch broken from a tree as hanschen could see from the dipping lines in the earth. usually he was spotted with another young boy, tugging him by the hand and always yapping a lot of variations of "moritz" and "stiefel" at the poor kid, but today hanschen noted he was alone.

his eyes sparkled green in the sunlight, narrowed as he looked at him. his coarse wavy hair was parted neatly on the left but otherwise seemed to stick up everywhere, sticking to his forehead and shaped by the wind. he wore sunday clothes, even though it was a thursday, either because he was stuck up or because he owned nothing else, hanschen couldnt tell.

hanschens arm dropped back into the water, his cuts stinging from the cold. he raised a brow. the boy on the shore waved back.

after that, they werent best friends. they didnt build forts out of sticks and mud or skip down the road hand in hand. in fact, they seemed to be at constant odds, even when their opinions were limited to the small world they knew as children. hanschen and melchior were electromagnetic. it took him a long time to realize it was attraction, not repellent, that had them clashing.

has them clashing. they continue to find their way to each other no matter how hard they try to stop it.

"youre thinking?" melchior asks.

"mm. reminiscing." he tries to avoid looking at the boy - man is a more accurate descriptor, its been a decade since he had been a kid writing words at the creek - but ultimately fails, distracted by the way the stray strands of hair shimmer in the moonlight, like silver thread.

he thinks the first time he realized he was different was in his earlier years of school. his childhood summers had ended and hed been introduced to the world of education, an unsavory thing that had him confined to a single room for hours on end, watching an adult wear chalk thin on a dusty blackboard. it was not only his first introduction to academics like math and science, but his first introduction to gym.

gym was hell in hanschens opinion. there was no studying to help him, and to be graded solely on his skill frustrated him to no end. hed spend hours out throwing around a ball, muscles screaming in agony, before being released to the locker rooms to shower in a room full of sweaty boys like himself.

the water was always hard and cold, striking his back like a whip. he thought all the other boys looked, too. he thought all the other boys dropped their eyes from faces to bodies, not to compare themselves mentally, but just to look. when he said something of that account, he quickly realized that assumption was wrong. then he told himself he was simply observant, because in order to survive he had to be sharper, didnt he?

he gathered information like this. for example, georg was the first to sprout dark, coarse hairs in a line from his navel. moritz looked at his feet and remained silent, and his awkwardness only grew when his body followed suit, and like the click of a light, hanschen started seeing the effects the regular physical activity had on his body; his stomach was no longer soft, his arms and legs no longer sticks awkwardly tacked on to his lanky body. his masculine v stirred something like envy in hanschens stomach. and ernst had the nicest cock; it was prettier than any of the other boys. he caught him staring once and hanschens face felt so hot he thought he might be burning from the inside out. he was just jealous was all. he wasnt the ideal and they were.

self-loathing and attraction always seemed to blend together for hanschen. he truly did feel insecure in his own skin surrounded by boys hed known since childhood whod suddenly become sculpted by the gods. he also definitely wanted them to pound him so hard he forgot his own name. so that made things confusing.

"when did you first realize you liked boys?" hanschen asks.

"i dont. i didnt," melchior says, shutting him up quickly. hanschens gaze darts away from the other boys face and he swallows hard. hes not a stupid boy, but somehow he allowed melchior gabor to weasel his way into his life.

he knew this is what would happen, and yet he still let melchior get to him. he still felt butterflies swarming in his stomach around him, especially whenever they were doing anything domestic. then he could pretend they were married or something, like they were a couple, a real couple, and it reduced him to an eager little boy again, curious and happy and excited, all the sorts of emotions that dulled through the years. hes allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of melchior gabor and he hates himself for it.

he feels melchiors soft hands on his face, forcing him to look at him again. his chest still rises and falls heavily, though now at regular intervals, and the post-orgasmic daze makes him look like an angel sent from heaven. he kisses him, hard, lips soft and firm against his own. hands move to the back of his head, grasping at his tousled hair, soon becoming tangled in the locks of blond. he wonders if melchior thinks about how their lips fit like pieces in a puzzle. wonders if he can taste the cum as his tongue passes over his parted lips, if he minds. wonders if he even thinks at all.

melchior pulls away first, running his hands through hanschens hair a few times before bringing his right hand and using his thumb to wipe cum from his chin, then the stray saliva on his bottom lip. "you missed a spot," he says instead of acknowledging the intimacy at all. its not surprising because its what he always does. hanschen rolls his eyes.

"ive been thinking," melchior says.

"youve been thinking..." hanschen repeats.

"about wendla. wendla bergmann. from when we were kids. from church."

"wendla bergmann. thea says she has the best hair. whatever that means."

"i think ill grow to fancy her," melchior continues, ignoring the anecdote entirely. "i think she could be something. wed definitely be something. perfect, really."

"im glad you decided on a wife while you were busy fucking me," hanschen snaps. the very real annoyance and hurt is lost on melchior, who simply laughs at him.

"shes kind. and pretty. and i think intelligent, too," he goes on.

"why are you telling me this, again?"

he gives him an odd look. "were friends, arent we? dont friends talk?"

"you have stiefel for talking, dont you?"

"do i only have to have one friend?"

"i cant imagine you could manage to score more than one." hes only half-joking.

"i like talking to you," melchior points out.

except, he doesnt. hanschen knows he doesnt, because it wouldnt hurt this much if he did. he was lonely, and melchior was there, melchior who was only horny and bored. who is still only horny and bored. hanschen swallows the poison in his mouth hard, bites his tongue because he knows he asked for it. he asked to be used. melchior is the first boy hanschen loved, and the first boy that destroys him, too. sometimes its how things are. it surely beats being alone.

"i know." hanschen kisses him again, only to make him stop talking, only to feel his skin on his before he disappears completely.

[earthghoul-mp4]

Family reunion (Warning it gets pretty angsty)

 Emi heard a knock on the front door. “Who....ASHE* GO GET THE DOOR!” Almost immediately Ashe emerged from his room and got the door. Emi had already left the room and was setting up of dinner when the door slammed shut. “Ashe? What the hell?!” Ashe had looked as though he’d seen a ghost “What? Who was it?” Ashe made a hand signal for ‘Brother’.  “Eugene is upstairs dumbass-” Ashe shook his head and signed for ‘younger brother’ Emi froze “He’s here?” Ashe nodded quickly “Well- Dont let him in!’ Ashe nodded and went outside the door and closed it behind him. Emi ran upstairs to tell theyre parents “Emi-? Whats wrong?” Emi stopped to face Eugene “Him” Eugene’s eyes widened “Was she with him” No one used Mitsuki or Raijins name since they left, Emi shook her head and turned back to their parents room. “Mom, Dad?” From the other side of the door Emi’s mother answered “Yes, dear?” Emi cracked the door “Its him...” 

Ashe stood outside the door face to face with Mitsuki. By now he’d be about 17 since it had been 4 years since he and Raijin left. Raijin? Mitsuki shook his head. Ashe’s whole world seemed to freeze. Maybe Raijin just wasnt with him and she’d be on her way later? Maybe she had work and couldnt make it... Right? Mitsuki looked at the ground which was all Ashe needed. Ashe leaned against the door to try and process the death of his sister, Mitsuki seemed to be hurt more than he let on because he looked ready to cry Alone? Mitsuki nodded and put up 2 fingers. Ashe never got the chance to actually look at Mitsuki. Since they’d seen each other...Mitsuki was different. His hair was a lot shorter. He wore a sleeveless top with stripes and black jeans with a belt across his waist. He didnt seem to be wearing make up and had one thick braid on the side of his head. Ashe kinda cocked his head in a questioning manner. Mitsuki laughed quietly

Emi went downstairs with her parents behind her to the front door where Ashe and Mitsuki were. Mitsuki looked Emi dead in the eyes and scowled. “Mitsuki-” Mitsu piped up to correct his mother “Mitsu! Not Mituski” His mother looked confused. “Pardon?” He folded his arms “You heard me, Mother. My name is no longer Mitsuki.” She rolled her eyes “Where is Raijin? She will always be welcome here”

“Awww~ I missed you too Momma!” 

His mother scowled and looked him up and down. “What is that nonsense your wearing? No respectable lady would put....that...” She looked him up and down again, gesturing to his outfit, “on her body..” Mitsuki simply flashed his mother a very clearly forced smile. “Thats because I’m not a female momma!” His parents looked confused “I’m sorry?” His father asked “You heard me- I am not of the female gender, At least not today-” Emi simply rolled her eyes “Whatever- Anyway do we let him in...?” Eugene appeared and answered on behalf of everyone “Yes, Yes we do.” And pulled Mitsuki in by his wrist. “Ack- Gene!?” Eugene hugged Mitsuki close, They had a considerable height difference with Eugene being roughly six feet tall and Mitsuki at only about 5′1. 

“Geez- You taller than Ieft you! I thought we agreed no more height-” Eugene laughed. It had been almost 4 years since he’d heard any of Mitsu’s jokes. “Its been to long little brother!” Mitsu punched his arm “Hey! Im only younger by like- 3 years!” Eugene ruffled his hair “Still younger!” Mitsu looked offeneded and was about to punch Eugene again when his parents brushed past them followed by Emi and Ashe. “I can only imagine you came to tell us something. The only reason your not out already is becuase we would in fact like to talk.” Mitsu looked uneasy. In his head “We want to talk” translated to “You fucked up...again” Mitsu follwed behind Eugene to his old room. He had shared it with Raijin for a little bit at one point because she didnt trust him to be on his own “You really kept in tact?” Eugene leaned against the doorway “Mom and Dad tried to tear it down a few times so I camped out here until they quit trying to. I knew you’d come back, It wouldnt be for long but I knew you’d be back and I wanted you to be able to see your old room just as you left it” Mitsu smiled “Thanks Eugene” Mitsu could only imagine all the bullsh!t Eugene had to take trying to keep this room in tact, his parents were terrible and he knew they wanted to just forget his whole existence. “Hey, You okay?” Mitsu shook his head and sat down on his bed. “Whats up?” 

Eugene noticed how miserable Mitsuki looked, “Hey...You can tell me, alright? Its better than just burying it and keeping it all locked up.” Mitsuki sighed and took a few deep breathes ‘This wont be good...Will it?’ Eugene thought. Mitsu looked up and him teary eyed and made a few gestures. ‘If Mistuki’s all choked up, This is bad..’ Mitsu took an exasperate breath before explaining to Eugene to Raijin had died. Eugene almost couldnt believe him but seeing how hurt and upset Mitsu was, He couldnt deny it. Eugene took a deep breath and pulled himself together, He could feel bad for himself later, Mitsu obviously never got to properly grieve or even cry. “Mitsu...Its okay to cry..” Mitsu shook his head “Raijin made me promise not to cry for her...” Eugene hugged Mitsu and he broke down. “All those years of holding back tears...Feels good to let it out, yeah?” Mitsuki gave a tired nod and Eugene chuckled “Tired?” Mitsu shook his head “Nope- I’m fine! I’ve had a decent sleep schedule!” Eugene knew that was a lie but he decided not to push it “Alright..”

-----------------------------------------------------------

Mitsu decided on the safest option. Sitting between Eugene and Ashe. Ii had been a whle since he’d actually sat at the table with his family and quite frankly, He didnt miss it. The tension was high and Mitsu didnt do well under stress. “So, Mitsuki...Where’s Raijin? You left together why didnt you come back together?” His mother asked in a rather snippy tone “Already Momma? Cant I catch up on what I missed here?” Eugene piped up “Ashe is going to college-” Mitsu actually looked suprised “For real?! Ashe you said-” He paused and looked over at his parents. They didnt know Ashe didnt want to go to college. “-That you were really excited but I didnt believe you’d go through with it” Ashe nodded “Well- I cut up dead bodies and find theyre killer” Mitsu gave a very mischiveous smile and looked at his parents. “Well...isn’t that...nice..” They all passed a plate of Mochi around the table. Ashe was the only one who made Mochi and he dose a damn good job of it too. “You shouldnt even be here...Shitsubo...” That was it. Mitsuki already hated Emi but that was the last straw. He stood up slamming his hands againt the table “If I wasnt here you would have never know that Raijin was shot and killed!”  Emi and his parents’s entire demeanor changed. “We were out on a walk through the park...there was a drive by...and I was too far to try and save her...” Emi stood up and almost jumped across the table “Its your fault! Rai never did anything wrong! You shouldve been the one to die! NOT HER!” At this point Mitsuki was seeing red. Did she not hear him? Raijin had gone ahead while he wasnt looking “WELL EXCUSE ME LITTLE ‘PERFECT’! ITS NOT MY FAULT SHE WANTED TO RUN AHEAD!” Eugene was holding Mitsuki in place because he wouldve knocked her out already “DID YOU EVEN TRY? TRY TO GET TO HER IN TIME? OR DID THE SHIRKER JUST WATCH IN HAPPEN?!” His parents watched in disbelief. Ashe looked ready cry, Mitsuki and Emi were at eachothers throats. It seemed that Eugene was the only one with a grip of reality. 

“EVERYBODY STOP!” Mitsuki covered his ears and Emi froze. Everyones eyes focused on Eugene. “Emi stop blaming everything on Mitsuki. You know damn well he wouldnt have let anything happen to Raijin.” Emi gave him a stone cold look. “Dont make me jump across this table...He’s a liar and an argr!” Eugene looked her dead in the eyes “You feeling froggy?....Leap” 

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After the whole ordeal, Mitsuki decided to just leave. He couldnt stand his sister, his parents were terrible. There was nothing left for him here, and he didnt want to make life harder on Eugene and Ashe. His parents had willing to let him stay the night so thats when he left. He waited until everyone was asleep and he packed up what little he had left here that was worth bringing. As Mitsuki went down the stairs he noticed Ashe waiting for him. Ashe hugged Mitsuki tightly knowing that the next time theyd meet would be in another life. “I’m sorry Ashe...” Ashe shook his head and held onto Mitsuki’s shoulders “No...You have nothing to apologize for” Mitsuki adnt heard Ashe speak since before he left, Ashe had been mute for so long Mitsuki couldnt remeber what his voice was like before. Ashe gave Mitsuki 4 bracelets. One for every sibling. Even if Mitsuki hated Emi with the passion of  1000 fiery suns, He’d be devastated if anything happened to her.

-End-