#i cant imagine being in that environment for my entire childhood

[tallymali]

in a way i am thankful that if i had to have a fucked up childhood, it was fucked up in a neglectful way bc at least then you have some form of self sufficiency ykno. i was able to scarper at the first opportunity. sorry to the people who were raised in overbearing helicopter high-control environments. and also ipad babies. you are fucked up in ways i cannot even comprehend

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

hi fang id like to pick your brain abt something ! i've been thinking about childhood friends to lovers or even just normal friends to lovers and how exactly to approach the transition in a graceful way. to me the trope has always been a little fanciful because i have never once liked one of my friends? i dont know if its happenstance or if i tend to gravitate away from people im attracted to but it's never happened to me that the way i see someone could shift just like that. i have considered it a few times but rather insincerely tbf (i was bored) and it would have taken like me putting in work to elicit any feeling. None of that is very romantic to me lol and i kind know how to write it? like i know the way it's "supposed to be" but it rings false on the page to me bc i know im not entirely convinced it's possible to start suddenly finding someone attractive in the middle of knowing them. how would u approach this sort of thing? finding a hidden side sort of feels like a cop out but idk what else to do lol thank you!

this is a very interesting ask to me because ive only exclusively ever liked people im friends with because im demiromantic and demisexual. i dont know if i will be able to help you in the same way since we probably just have like different experiences but i will tell u what i think is the most important thing

for one, i think relationships that are romantic in nature are not romantic all of the time and i think establishing intimacy BEFORE romance will help you greatly.

the biggest thing about childhood friends to lovers imo is that it's not the lines between romantic and platonic blurred - but rather, the lines of intimate relationships that blur together. romance is romance. its not constant because like is just not structured that way. you can rekindle the romance with someone you've loved before over and over, you can hold onto it.

but domestic partnership and by extension, longtime romantic love - are matters of repeated and quiet intimacy. wanting to spend your life with someone will not always be romantic. it just wont. and you can find the spark, the passion again if you've felt once before. and you absolutely should to keep the romance alive. but love is a choice you make, everyday, to live your life with another person.

true, mutual love that lasts a lifetime is largely platonic in nature. its quietly intimate. its sharing your space with someone else, and working through disagreements. its being beside someone in situations where you can do nothing for them except help them endure. its remembering small, pointless details and listening to the details of their mundnane life. it is the repeated, intentional effort to be considerate to someone because you love them deeply - and you would love them deeply no matter what. these things are not inherently romantic. they're intimate, but not romantic.

what defines a romantic relationship is largely based on our social environment and overall societal views. but companionship is companionship. its the same way a gay man and a lesbian woman get married and stay married. usually the only defining thing about romance is sex and sexual relationships.

with childhood friends to lovers, i think you can pretty much entirely use puberty as a way to create sparks of attraction. regardless of your actual orientation, it's the time in your life where you become cognizant of attraction in general.

the attraction does not need to be sparks though. i can understand why that might suddenly feel forced. but having your characters like,, having sex come up when they're teenagers and think

"oh. the idea of sex seems weird" or "i cant imagine actually doing it with another person" or "im too scared to have sex w my current bf / gf" and having them then, picture their childhood friend, and not feeling like butterflies in tummy attraction - but rather comfort, safety and assurance can also be a kind of attraction.

like they know the other well enough to they'd be safe to explore. that is also a kind of romance.

i completely get why the hidden side thing is a cop out, but i think the gradual attraction to someone you're friends with is less about a sudden shift (though that is fun to write too) and more about in passing become aware about how deeply you know another person and how it might feel to extend that knowing to sex and kissing. thas usually a good catalyst, too.

[bigsteeb]

this is gonna be a long post so bear with me, growing pains got a b i g emotional reaction out of me & I need to share my thoughts & feelings about it because jesus fucking christ.

ok first things first, someone hug this boy immediately. he’s sat in his room, still in his pajamas, in day time watching dog copter. this whole scene is just steven going “lol I’m sad, I’m gonna comfort eat & stay in my pajamas & watch a kids show I watched when I wasn’t as sad haha” & it’s not only upsetting, but relatable too fuck. his room is a mess along with him eating ice cream at what I assume is morning… making it his breakfast? geez steven. also idk if it’s just me here but in this shot he looks… bigger? like ignoring his body size shifting later on in the episode he looks a lot wider than he usually does when paul & drew board episodes to me, he’s rivalling etienne & maya’s steven’s wideness. did he… get chubbier from comfort eating? how much time has passed since together forever for him to put on weight if he has? this could literally just be steven slouching or his pajamas making him look bigger but as someone who is an advocate for the body positivity shown in su & suf it has me curious. I want to hug this soft, sad boy. It could also be due to how steven’s design fluctuates through the animation process, it’s never really on model all the time. 

the grunting noise he makes in this scene is very distressing, as are other moments from the episode too. a glimpse at the glow-bracelet he proposed to connie with is enough to physically pain him? fuck me man. is he leaving his room where there’s already ice cream… to get more ice cream? sobs. also the puns in this shot. I cant? slow burn?! you’re evil crewniverse. not to mention his body size changing throughout this scene, god this poor lad.

screams, this was when I started worrying. the boy is now in an environment he has never been in before & is feeling extremely uncomfortable & vulnerable. look at the lines under his eyes, his sad eyebrows & pout I hate it. also don’t even get me started on this part. the slight raise of a voice being enough to send him into panic?! fuck I hate how much I relate to that. 

here’s where I immediately broke, no god damn pun intended. seeing steven’s skeleton, steven’s fucking skull, like this pained me. that crack on his skull is from fucking jasper in jail break. I can’t express all of the visceral emotions that were going through my body at this. there was intense sadness for steven, extreme anger at jasper & the gems for allowing shit like this to happen to him. turns out he’s not as resilient as we thought he was. each hit he takes physically breaks him & then his gem instantly heals his wounds, my heart fucking broke at this. think back to everything that happened to him, everything that physically hurt him. it broke him I can’t deal with it! then there’s what priyanka says to steven next;

“you seem to of made a series of miraculous recoveries, but that doesn't change the fact that you experienced trauma. you’ve recovered physically but, have you recovered mentally?”

this part here along with her reassuring him that there’s nothing wrong with his brain, how childhood trauma can have an impact on how your body responds to stress & how you act in your social life, the usage of the word “cortisol” too. this stuff being in a children's tv show is incredible. the writing for priyanka describes trauma simply enough for kids to understand, but for adults to fully realise too. folks, steven has ptsd. there wasn't one bit of sugarcoating about it or nothing, this is canon fact & it hurts me. for so long have I wanted steven’s emotional issues to be alked about, to not only be brought to steven’s attention but to the audience’s too.

everything that has happened to him has built up to this moment. this moment where his behaviour & coping methods are finally making sense to a large majority of the fandom, & to steven himself. he’s hurting; physically, mentally & emotionally, & he isn’t coping well what so ever about it. his emotional support system is complete garbage, no one regularly checks in on him & folks just take steven at face value like “oh yea glowing pink? he’s fine it’s just steven�� but he’s the bad person?! I hope a lot of you out there who genuinely believe steven is a bad person re-think yourselves after this. dealing with trauma is tough as shit. some days you even wonder if that one thing that fucked you up is really worth being labelled as trauma. I still can’t believe this is the route they’re taking, if he doesn’t get some form of therapy by the end of future I’ll be furious.

then things begin to spiral as he remembers what happened with connie. he clutches his chest in pain & begins changing size over intense amounts of stress & it was extremely distressing to watch. steven immediately reassures connie that this isn’t because of her, but because of everything else that happened to him. however. I believe that that’s a slight lie, he wouldn’t of spiralled if he hadn’t of remembered the proposal, steven you fucking himbo. he continues to reassure them both that he’s fine, just that he needs them to leave so he can calm himself enough to control himself.

then this happens.

“I. CAN’T. BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW!”

this was fucking intense. he means this literally in 2 ways btw. his body size shifting over the stress he’s feeling is a danger to both connie & priyanka in this moment, but it’s also because of how it started. being around connie hurts him. he’s not mad at her though let me make that very clear, just that thinking about what happened when he tired to propose to her is sending his head in a fritz. he did what he did full of confidence in together forever, for connie to then make him realise how silly he was being. these two are destined for each other, but that advice from ruby & sapphire has really fucked with him. he looks up to those 2, looks up to garnet, their relationship is so strong & stable. for them to give him that advice & to then scream “DO IT!” in his face is incredibly tasteless imo.

then greg gets here. I knew connie was calling for either greg or the gems when she was on her phone as she left the room, fuck yea connie I love you. the breathless, strained “thank you” from steven towards connie for calling his dad? g o d. connie telling him she’ll be there for him when he’s ready?! g o d. these next boards were done by rebecca, I knew immediately when I saw steven’s face. it makes sense that rebecca boarded these, because fuck. 

how do I move on from all of the stuff I’ve been through? how do I live life if it always feels like I’m about to die!?

I’m tearing up as I type this. when I first heard the leak of this audio I so badly wanted to believe it, but to also believe it was fake too. I was an emotional mess off & on for about 3 days over it because I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking distressing it was. like… shit steven. he seriously feels this. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain he felt just saying this in front of his fucking dad. he is hurting badly. this boy, this sweet sweet boy we’ve watched grow & develop into the person he is today is distraught about his future & life. it is… soul crushing to watch this. a group of friends of mine have found joking about the episode as a form of coping with the intensity of it & as much as that’s valid as fuck, any joke coming from this episode feels morally wrong to me. I can’t bring myself to join in it feels terrible even thinking about laughing at it to cope. I love them all, but I can’t bare myself to join them. this moment ending with greg comforting steven, telling him he’s here for him & all of his struggles, got me weeping. greg is possible the best father figure I’ve seen on tv, let alone a kids tv show. he’s amazing.

the final scene right here is lovely. greg making steven a hot chocolate & listening to him vent, reassuring him over his worry for his future. this right here is exactly what steven needs. someone to talk to, someone he could trust to talk about his feelings to. this the start of his support system, tag on peri from in dreams, bis in bismuth casual as well as connie from the past few episodes & it’s already looking great! even when greg eased him about being there for him steven still feels guilty about him leaving his tour, leaving his tour because he got a phone call from connie about his son being in need & steven feels guilty about it. fucking hell man. I did enjoy how the episode ended though, with that little moment between the both of them;

“just get some rest kiddo. you don’t have to solve all of your problems in one night.”

“yea. thanks dad.”

it’s a great message too, all of your struggles can’t be dealt with all at once. I’ve used a similar analogy before but it’s like removing a dead tree. you have to deal with all of the little things surround this issue first before you get to the deep, harder stuff. along side the message about trauma they’re both very important messages, I’m glad they exist in the show.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

one more thing before I end my thoughts & feelings over growing pains.

this ending shot;

as soon as I saw the frog mug my mind raced back to the promo for this scene, & this whole moment to come entirely. if you remember this moment has the first set of leaked audio within it, the audio of the gems basically cornering steven about him not opening up to them. christ pearl even gets mad at him for his gem building a wall behind him, protecting him from them. it’s common knowledge, I hope, that steven’s gem reacts to his emotional state. pearl herself has said this;

“I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.”

his gem building this wall? it felt like steven was being threatened by them. this scene now has awful connotations with it. because since we now know what the pink mode is doing to steven, how actually painful it is, think back to these;

yea. fuck the gems. I’ll let it slide if steven, greg or priyanka haven’t told them about what happened at the hospital. but if they do know, if they know how much it hurts steven being in his pink mode & still press into him about it I’ll see red. with steven’s trauma & now ptsd being cemented into the show I fucking hope garnet, amethyst & pearl get held accountable for what they put on him as a kid. that shit will not slide with me if they don’t. do not condone what the gems put him through. do not condone the gems for making steven feel like he had to be his mum for them. just… don’t. please.

[zelenealessa-az]

you know i do these..rambles on discord servers

and I happen to like this one so..why not share it or something

this one is quite long , , and also has ab unch of swears but JKLDHFKJH

-----------------------------------------------------

mman children are

id like to think they ddont actually

like

see themselves as children

like they dont go

oh yeah im a kid im dumb and childish haha

no they

ddont go like that they dont j

oihoirt

MMAN LOOKING BACK AT MY CHILDHOOD IVE NEVER RREALLY SEEN ANYBODY

RREFER TO THEMSELVES AS A CHILD LIKE OIFGHH

we never really saw ourselves as??

young?? we never saw ourslves as inferior to the adults in some way??

i mean yeah sure we mightve went oh yeah thewyre adults they know better bc theyre older at one poinmt]

but ass kids we never rlly went

were kids we deont know any better haha because were youngz

LLIKE

NNO

this got me thinking children nnever really saw themselves as like

small

they have their

own world?? and they have like their own way of seeing things

but they never reallly like know their place or ssome bullshit they kinda just

theyre just living their own word llike adults and teens and everybody else really--

yeah i mean sure their view of the world is really childish like some things are exaggerated her and there and they kinda have this imaginative circle

and also they are INCREDIBLY NAIVE like

THEY ARE VERY NAIVE AND THEY BELIEVE SHIT VERY EASILY

but no

i dont think that makes them dumb

i dont think that makes them stupid

i just think theyre inexperienced and they still dont understand many things

but that doesnt make them stupid

theyre just using all the knowledge they have and theyre trying their best to comprehend and process things

which is why they have a way more basic mentality than those older than them

but that doesnt make them dumb

theyre just inexperienced, and there is a huge difference???

because children, , , are surprisingly very capable of doing things we dont expect them to do??

AND DESPITE HAVING A BASIC VIEW ON THINGS THEY CAN HAVE VERY COMPLEX MINDSETS

like ,,

hm not really complex as in an entire set of just ththtese huge wires of knowledge connected to each other nno

its more of a jumbled mess of random things they learned growing up??

but they can use that to do things people older than them do NOT expect them to do

AND I KKINDA THINK THEYRE AMAZING THAT WAY LIKE

GHOIROIG

kids may be llike total doofuses on things but really thats just kind of our perception on them because were older and more experienced than them

but a skill they have that many of us kkinda just dont use much nowadays is to

learn and adapt

theyre learning

and its kinda sad a lot of people dodnt see that like

A LOT OF PPEOPLE THINK SO LITTLE OF CHILDREN AND WE OFTEN UNDERESTIMATE THE LITERAL SHIT THEY CCAN DO WITH THEIR IMMATURE BBRAINS U H

we think of them as literal ba b i e s who dont know how to fend for themselves

but no

tththhtey arent inferior to us in any way??

theyre still prettyy much like us but theyre learning

theyre human beings w2ho are just trying to get a grasp of the world

YEAH SURE THEY DO NEED SOMEONE IN THESE TRYING TIMES BECAUSE OIGHOITGH THEY CANT REALLY DO MUCH STUFF YET

but if you raise a kid right and you leave them on their own for a bit

I THINK THEYLL FIND A WAY TO HELP THEMSELVES YYEAH

THEY CAN KEEP THEMSELVES OCCUPIED AND THEY CAN HANDLE THEMSELVES PRETTY NICELY IF THEIR BRAINS ARE FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY IM OIGHOIGH

mman not only do they have llike\

this trying hard to do shit thing going on

but they also have something MOST OF US BEGIN TO LOSE AS WE GROW OLDER

they have imagination anD THEYRE CREATIVE AS SHIT WWTF

YYEAH IT MMIGHT BE CHILDISH IN OUR EYES BUT THATS KIND OF WHAT MAKES THEM DO AMAZING SHIT IN THEIR FIRTST PLACE ththey jjust ima g i n e ??? stuff??

and they make it come to lifej ust bbecause they can

and nobodys stopping them

a lot of kids can surprisingly do cool shit on their own and it just

BUGS ME SO MUCH ON HHOW THAT GETS IGNORED A LOT OIFGHOIRHG

in fiction children are often portrayed as either

wholesome innocent babies ot literal psychopaths or adults stuck in kids bodies like THERE IS ALMOST NNO INBETWEEN

AND IT JUST

OIEUTIOUEIOTU

theyre literally jjust humans who have a limirted knowledge on the world but theyre LEARNING

sure they need somebody to mold them and shape them to who they are, ,

like parents kind of just raise them to do whats wrong or right

but at one point along thew way

they kind of just learn how to shape and mold themselves

into the person theyre going to be in the future

wether they go the shit route or the good route kind of just is based around the environment they live in??

but in the end they eventually get the hang oif hhow to mold themselves and make their own person overtime

all that matters is wether theyre raised properly or not

[ithisatanytime]

  im obviously not perfect, aside from the obvious practical issues, lack of prospects etc. there have been some pretty marked personality flaws as a result of being raised by a woman like that. one of the worst results of having her as a mother, is i cannot ignore subtext. i grew up studying my mothers facial expressions and her tone, basically subtext, because my livelihood depended on working around her damn moods, in fact my entire job, my entire reason for being, was resolving conflicts between my mother and her various boyfriends, excusing her behavior to her boyfriends, and excusing her boyfriends behavior to my mother, can you imagine that? an eleven year old boy acting as a go between for two grown adults, trying to solve their marital troubles? and let me tell you it was fucking thankless work, but it was necessary work, because whenever i would move away their relationship would disintigrate within a matter of a month or two if not weeks, it happened many times. and then they start calling me, im happy as shit, in love, living with a girl and her family, living my best goddamn life, and both of them are calling me, urging me under the surface to fucking move back in with them, and STUPIDLY i did more than once, worst fucking decision of my whole goddamn fucking life  let me tell you! but yeah in a relationship i cant just let my damn girlfriend be on her cycle for one fucking day, i have to figure it out and resolve it that very day! because in my mind, bad mood equals homelessness. another and arguably much worse problem, is when it comes to conflict i dont have one through ten, it goes 1,2,10. i will be very patient for a while, but there is no steadily escelating argument, if i do actually lose my temper i am capable of saying the most hurtful shit imaginable, and it always seems like i must have been thinking this stuff all along, theres no way i could come up with something like that on the spot! but i do come up with it right then, and afterwards, for years afterwards, i despise myself for the vile things i said. but thats the environment i grew up in. i can tell that for some of these people, me saying that shit to them, is easily in the top five worst moments of their whole goddamn life. for me that was tuesday, seriously, fifty percent of my adolescents and childhood was literally the most vicious arguments you could possibly imagine, once we discovered marijuana chills her out, and we could get a steady supply (she has absolutely zero self control and will smoke hundreds of dollars worth of marijuana in a matter of days) those vicious insulting sprees and violence only happened when god forbid, she ran out of weed.

  one time during a particularly crazy argument, i asked her what her friends would think if they knew she fucking snuck into my room while i was at work, and stole the rent money off my table to buy spice with it? she ran up to me, and grabbed my hand, i closed my hand into a fist, she held my fist like it was a fucking mcdouble with cheese and bit down with all her might, she drew blood, i barely felt the pain, because all i could think of was her face, i will never forget that face.

[scribblethewall]

Coma Hell

“Hello Indrid,” rasped the large cloaked figure. Indrid couldn’t see beyond the figure, and the light from above was so bright he had to shield his eyes. Confused by the ethereal feel to the environment around him, Indrid asked, “Where am I? DID I DIE?” The dark figure stood looming over him ominously quiet.

The light burned Indrid’s eyes and the smell of campfire then rose wafted with the gusts of air coming from the abyss behind the cloaked being. “You are here standing before me and no, not exactly,” a quiet whispery voice answered from behind the faceless shadow. “How did I get here? Where is everyone? Who are you?” Indrid was feeling thrashes of anger and throngs of helplessness pain his body. His memory was fuzzy and he didn’t remember meeting this figure who closely was beginning to remind him of the Grim Reaper.  “WHERE IS ‘HERE’ AND WHO ARE YOU, GUY BEHIND THE CLOAK?!”Indrid screamed in a voice he hardly recognized, true terror.

“You know who I am Indrid, and I think you have a pretty good idea where you are.” The gusts of air carried the shadows voice like notes to Indrid’s ears directly. “Please, this is scaring me, where am I?” The darkness behind the reaper like figure was vast and the light from above boomed. Indrid didn’t know what to do, and out of instinct he began to run, directly into the dark.

The Reaper made no movements as Indrid disappeared into the dark then reappeared from the opposite direction as if he had ran from the darkness towards the reaper. “You can’t run this time Indrid.”  Indrid ran into the darkness again and again emerged from the shadows as if he were running towards the Reaper. Breathless and frantic Indrid was screaming, “Look man! I don’t know who you are or where I am but you are freaking me out and I need to get back! Please?!” the gusts of wind turned from sweet to steaming hot, the smells of rose and campfires turned to rotten garbage, and the celestial white light pouring from above turned blood red. “Get back? GET BACK?” The once very quiet and raspy voice was now booming, deep and scary, equally matching the environment. “GET…BACK…TO WHAT INDRID?” The way the Reaper was growing larger and its voice had turned sinister, was crippling. Indrid froze like a child being caught in a lie. “I ASKED YOU A QUESTION INDRID…GET BACK TO WHAT?” The shadow was slowly casting small flashes of imagination into Indrid as he waited for the hood to drop and the worst looking demon he could imagine to lay behind the darkness that was speaking to him. “Well, my life, I was…” The Reaper Howled, “YOUR LIFE? Ah ha ha ha! That was what you call LIFE?”

Indrid was trying to remember what he was doing right before he was standing here, before this light was beaming down and this cloaked creepy guy was standing over him yelling. What was he doing? Where was he? “YOU CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT YOU WERE DOING CAN YOU??” Each time the creature spoke the winds became hotter and more foul smelling, the light was turning into a deep crimson color and the darkness began to crack bolts of lightning so close to him he could feel the energy of each zap as the hairs on his arms would raise. “YOUR LIFE WAS A JOKE INDRID, YOU DIDN’T CARE WHETHER YOU LIVED OR DIED, SO NOW YOU ARE HERE WITH ME!” The voice was hurting his ears now, the bass was making his stomach ache and he felt sick. The being was 12 feet tall and the light was only casting down in a small circle. Indrid wasn’t sure of anything, and then he heard a sound float in among the howling and the angry voice that was now causing him physical pain was silent. Indrid strained his ears to listen for the sound again. There is was again, it was a cry. A woman’s cry? Maybe. He could hear it again and all his attention was on the sound. “WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT YOU HEAR? YOU NEVER LISTENED ANYWAY!” Indrid didn’t answer or speak out anymore, the more he said the worse things got. Don’t say anything, just think, what were you doing? Where were you? Who were you with? He thought as he stood starting past the reaper, trying to catch glimpses of anything in the flashes of lightning. “YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT YOUR OWN HERE...EVEN IF YOU SAY NOTHING I CAN HEAR YOU INDRID, I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOU” The reapers voice was so loud Indrid threw up. As he threw up he heard beeping and a scream.

The Reaper stood over him still, “what did I do?” Indrid whimpered. “Ahhhh… yes, say that again?” Baffled, Indrid said, “What did I do?” The Reaper shrunk back to the original size he was, “this is the first thing you have said that made sense.” The voice was quiet and raspy again. “Do you admit you are here because you have never actually lived?” The reaper asked. Indrid didn’t understand, “I was never alive?” Indrid asked, “The Reaper said very softly, “No.  You have always existed Indrid, but you have made no difference in your life. All you have ever done is blame others for your own mistakes. Do you really want to know?” Indrid stood there searching the darkness of the cloak for eye contact. “DO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT?” Indrid asked sincerely. “What you Did.” The Reaper said coldly. The beeping continued from the background and the sound of sobs filled the air. After a few seconds Indrid thought about it one last time, and couldn’t remember where he was, what he had done, or who he was with. “Yes, please show me.”

The faint beeping began to grow louder, it sounded like a heart monitor. Wait, it IS a heart monitor, Indrid thought. The crying- that was his sister, and the screams he was hearing clearly now- were coming from his grandmother.  The light was so bright in the room that everything looked surreal, like a dream. Indrid was floating over himself and there were tubes in his mouth, his neck, and his nose. Everyone he knew was standing around him, crying and praying.

In a soul jerking flash, Indrid was now floating over himself sitting on a couch with his best friend. He knew this house, it was bad news. He wasn’t supposed to be here. The reaper was standing with Indrid as he watched himself pick up a dirty looking syringe from the floor. “What am I doing? STOP! STOP!” Indrid swatted at his own hands, but like a ghost he turned to dust with each touch. He watched as his body continued to burn a small rock of something in a spoon, pull the plunger of the dirty needle and insert it in his arm. The room flipped upside down and Indrid fell out of the roof into the roof of another house upside down then the entire world flipped right side up again. The reaper was showing him his childhood, he was a little boy and his mom had locked him and his little brother out of the house so that she could get high. Indrid was standing before the child he once was and watching as his baby brother clung to his tiny side. “I was so brave,” Indrid began to cry. His little brother cried out and the child Indrid was wrapped his arm around his little brother and said “I’ll never do like her. I’m going to be someone.” Indrid was teary eyed and staring at his baby brother when he was plucked out of that memory into the next.  

He was standing with his grandma before a judge. His baby brother was going to jail for stealing a car and a 12 year old Indrid was going to speak to the judge because his grandma was unable to speak English. The reaper stood with Indrid as he watched himself talk to the judge. “He doesn’t even care, look how he’s looking at me” Indrid pointed to the Judge. The reaper said nothing. He just nodded. The judge read “Guilty” and before the judge said anything else; Indrid blinked and was standing in the sensory shocking light he began in, the Reaper standing before him again. The darkness was darkness again, and the gusts of wind were sweetly perfumed again.

“You see, you were shown the wrong path, and you were even positive that path was never going to be yours. But you lied. “Indrid began to weep. He remembered what he was doing, where he was and who he was with. He had spent months cleaning himself up and fighting to get his children, when he did exactly what his mom did to him. He let a minor let down send him back to drugs, but this time the drugs were not what he had thought they were. They weren’t what anyone in that house thought they were and when Indrid took the first hot shot from the batch, the people he considered his friends, took his over dosing body and left it in an alley. After being rushed to the hospital it was determined that Indrid was now in an irreversible coma.

Indrid remembered everything and nothing all at once. He sank to his knees, head down and sobbing before the reaper. The light softened a little, “Please, Help me. Please.” “While I would love to help you in the way you think you need, I already have resolved to help you in another way.” The Reaper said in a plain normal voice. The voice was familiar. “What do you mean?” Indrid cried out, “HOW HAVE YOU HELPED ME?!” The Reaper sunk to his knees revealing himself to be Indrid himself, “I’ll never let you leave here and hurt yourself again or perpetuate this cycle to YOUR children.”

[tumblunni]

The big post about how i love my sneasel who is great

Welcome to that post. It might get long.

Reaper the level 100 Naughty nature Sneasel with Keen Eye who experienced pokerus once and has contest ribbons from too many regions oh my gosh Leeeeeeets get going on how much I adore my little guy!

Okay, the story behind him. He is kinda unofficially my starter pokemon?

Cos of course there was no way to keep your mons from RBY and GSC back then, but I’d kinda only had one pokemon anyway. I was a dumb kid who just solo’d both games with my raichu Chuppy. And sadly I ended up losing them even before the whole transfer issue, someone stole my Gold cartridge during school and when I found it half smashed in the playground all the data had been corrupted. It did actually play though, just with some colour issues I think? I never really restarted cos it felt cruel to Chuppy to do it. So I’m happy that the virtual console rerelease let me reincarnate Chuppy and even make them a cool new alola form! (though they had a different gender this time, but meh i get to headcanon my chu is trans like me, haha) So yeah thats the story of my official first pokemon, but Chuppy didnt really have any personality or headcanons back then cos I was so new to the franchise. And Reaper ended up lasting way longer and sharing every single other region with me, so he kinda took the spot of ‘starter’ even if he wasnt ‘first’. (I still was really happy to welcome reincarnation Chuppy home tho!)

Reaper actually came from Pokemon Colosseum, of all places! His OT name is the completely-wrong ‘Tom’ cos he was from when I restarted my game after getting stuck and just buttonmashed one of the default names out of frustration. I actually caught him in a master ball just cos I was that excited to hug the lil guy! Sneasel was my fave gen 2 mon but i never managed to catch one actually in GSC, i didnt know it was limited to a rare encounter in the very last area. And even before I caught him I knew sneasel was in this game via guides, so i was waiting with baited breath and establishing headcanons even before i found him. Then I just COULD NOT WAIT, hence the master ball! XD I kinda preemptivel based him on the iron mask marauder’s sneasel from the celebi movie, cos shadow pokemon are similar to his brainwashing stuff. And I always liked his sneasel, scizor and tyranitar, for such minor roles they are. It was a nice nuance for the bad guy’s pokemon to be shown as VERY MUCH not evil, just enslaved by magic brainwashing and mistreated. It warmed my heart seeing them freeing each other and escaping in the end once the control was broken! But also it established sneasel as a really cool badass fighter that I wanted to have someday, yknow?

So yeah I got this guy from colosseum before I even played RSE, and he ended up being my ‘starter’ in that game so much that i cant even remember which one i picked. I boxed it right away and never thought about it again, I was a callous kid! It was actually really interesting playing ORAS and finally getting to see what the hoenn starters are actually like, lol And Reaper remained my best friend across like ELEVEN OR MORE REPLAYS of every single gen 3 game except emerald. Cos at that time in my childhood i literally did not have any other games. i spent around three or four years with just sapphire, leafgreen and final fantasy tactics advance. (Oh boy that game’s script is stuck in my brain for all time) And getting attatched to the characters and making new ones all the time was how i kept from getting bored this way ^_^ Buuuuut... it kinda meant that I just discarded most of them super fast to make more. the only other pokemon that migrated to sinnoh with Reaper was Nether the sableye, who was kinda his rival/best friend. (Tho I mispelled it as Neava so he’s stuck that way, lol. And both of them are in all caps forever...) Nether is kinda the basis for my recent oc Malachi, so he’s like an entirely different story for another time. But he was my Sapphire buddy and Reaper was one region older via the power of spinoffs.

And oh man yeah i totally loved the shadow pokemon plot lol! I just headcanoned his plot with regards to that was the same as the marauder’s mons. Perfectly nice tiny sneasel boy is kidnapped and experimented upon by evils, but my love saved him and now he is soft once more. He didnt really have much angst from it, but it helped such a wild spirit grow to trust my hero and trust humans in general after such a rocky introduction to them. I imagined it was like training a dangerous dog to be a police canine, with that arm guard thing that they bite! Shadow pokemon training must be WAY more tough than it seems on the surface! So like ash’s charizard plot, where it ends up with really fire forged family love after all the hardship. I think that before he met my trainer he was just like a loner robin hood type character who valued his freedom and thought that tamed pokemon were all wusses. But alas, he was forced to experience human hugs, and now he’s addicted! but he’d still be quite rebellious and wild and have a lot of goofy cute interactions as he tries to learn all this complicated stuff about being a pet. Why cant I pee on the carpet?? Why do I have to eat pellet food? Why are you mad when i bring you dead mice and pidgey eggs?? bad bad influence on the other mons, but also a softhearted big bro who WANTS to be a good influence. He pretends to be all aloof and stoic cliche angsty antihero, but always messes up and looks cute instead! And he gets crushingly sad if any of his lil siblings actually does get afraid of him. Noooo the grumpyness is for the humans! Not for you!! No-one is allowed to pet the sneas except the other pokemon. It my duty to protect my new pack of strangely shaped sneasels! Oh and he likes booze. In human terms he’d be around 25-30, but still its not good for animals to drink human liquor. Never stopped him though! He’d always find ways to sniff it out and swipe half-finished cans from the trash and stuff. Bad angstman! I know thats part of your archetype but stop it!

So... basically he was like.. cloud? original version from ff7 where he was sassy and goofy sometimes, except reaper is like that all the time with less angst and pretty much zero ego. He’s just like a kind yet not completely competant fun uncle who tries his best to put up a cool guy front to impress the kids (and push away scary humans) but his innate sweetness means he always messes up. And he’s super tsundere about the fact he considers his trainer part of his infinate pack of children, even if every other human is DANGER MODE. Must protect this human from the other ones! Must teach them the ways of the sneas! Oh, and I imagined his appearance as a gijinka would be kinda like Squall from ff8. cos he actually started off as a parody of that unlikeable angstman archetype, and i didnt even know Cloud existed until yeaaaars later. (Played the ffs completely out of order...) So i figured he’d be like squall but with dark skin and a kinda sirus black hairstyle. (Cos that guy contributed the kind uncle part of his inspiration!) Oh and of course a sneasely colourscheme for the fur coat. And I ended up making him hold Blackglasses so often that it was an in-joke that he actually wore shades 24/7 even in normal pokemon form XD

When I first got him in Collosseum he was really useful for his Brick Break move, and im actually really happy that the brick break image on bulbapedia is the collosseum sneasel using it! It was very very good as one of the few mons available with that move in the very limited choices you had for that game. But his signature move kinda ended up being Surf, even though his stats would have been awful for it even if I’d ev trained him properly XD I just found it so bizarre that sneasel of all things could learn that HM! I imagined he formed a surfboard out of ice to carry the trainer, cos there’s no way you could stand on the back of a 30cm tall weasel...

And man lets just have some random sneasel headcanons now!

* Their feathers exist to sense wind fluctuations, which are useful in their natural environment to anticipate snowstorms and track prey in low visibility.

* The ear feather is just for this, its the more sensitive one. The tail feathers are more for manipulating objects and other day to day life. They’re more matted and dont really have the same hearing ability, but the joints are way more flexible so they can be moved independantly like three actual tails. Sneasels can pick up small delicate objects by brushing them up between the tails, then rolling them down their back to reach their mouth. they also use the tails to brush away dirt, hide their tracks in the snow, form surprisingly intricate igloo-like nests and groom their fur with the utmost precision.

* Sneasels will outright resent any attempts to groom them by anyone but their closest human friend, since inevitably humans cant do as good of a job. But humans can scratch behind your ears and give cuddles, so it all works out!

* In the wild, sneasels eat primarily eggs, some nuts and berries, scavenged semi-rotten meat and not so much live prey. Even though they’re very skilled, they’re also very fragile and cautious because of it. They’ll only hunt in extreme situations, instead preferring to confuse and mislead their way to dinner. Sneasels are very social and loyal to each other even if they’re not to anyone else. Their most common strategy is the whole pack wards off a dangerous foe while one lone unit sneaks past and robs that pokemon’s food stores, to share with the family. Even if they’re forced to hunt their own prey, they still follow these strategies and try to just outrun the enemy until it dies of exhaustion or freezes in the blizzard. They’re experts of making cuts that disable but don’t kill- going in close enough to deliver that final blow means risking a valuable pack member’s life!

Not really a headcanon now but back to reaper himself, I always kinda imagine him looking more like a real weasel. I like sneasel’s design but the bipedal humanoid proportions arent exactly the best thing, yknow? i feel like it should have had shorter more pawlike back legs and just been top-heavy with the super claws. Like.. I imagine kinda a furret? just the appeal of actual weasels and stoats plz. I love sneasel but when i looked up weasels as a kid i was like MY HEART!!! they’re sock puppet babies with lint fuzz faces Also I think sneasel’s claws are kinda comically short and boring considering theyre like its Big Feature. I liked when they were drawn a bit longer in older artworks, and i always imagined reaper had longer ones like scyther-y level. Thats why I named him that! Crescent moon claws of awesomeness, striking in the night~! ...he would be really cool if he wasnt such a cuddly dork. I love him so much, he’s my baby. And my dad. And my uncle?? he’s just a very good friend and im happy videogames can touch my heart like nothing else let me love my nonexistant magic weasel from cyberspace forevermore~!

[amihazzanough]

Hi 💜 my busy week was fun busy dont worry ;p Im on my summer break from uni rn so im kind of trying to find stuff to fill all of this free time since i cant travel etc because of corona. Did you start your new job already? (If u didnt, good luck!) How do you like it? Was it just like u imagined it to be? Oooh those books super interesting! I dont know that comedian unfortunately but i might check him out later cause he sounds fun 😊 1/2

yeah i looove reading but i had a lot of it to do for uni, especially this semester so rn im only reading fics and starting books i bought that i didnt have time for during my studies. They are mostly novels, romances and thrillers. Rn im reading killing eve series cause i just finished binging 3rd season and i cant wait for the next one. I do like comedies but lots of commercial/popular ones are awful. Im very picky when it comes to my movies/series 😶 what about you? Whats your fav generes of books or movies? 3/3

Hi! I totally feel that summer break not being able to travel pain. I had to cancel 3 trips this summer its so sad. I started my new job yesterday and I absolutely love it! Just being there these 2 days has made me remember why I love what I do/chose this career in the first place and also how toxic the environment at the other place I work is. I really need to bite the bullet and just quit. What are you studying at school? Was your required reading interesting at least? One time between terms I read an entire text book on local anesthesia and it was so boring I would literally take breaks from reading to read fic lol. I love a good romance/thriller novel, especially if the genres are combined. I’ve been reading a lot of biographies. I really like David Sedaris, hes a humorist and writes a lot about his childhood. My favorite of his is Lets Explore Diabetes with Owls (its a real hoot) (yikes).

I havent watched Killing Eve but I’ve heard great things about it. I didn’t know it was based off books until I got your message tbh so I’ll have to look into it. Im not very picky when it comes to movies/series. We’re currently binging ER which is one of my favorite shows of all time like top 5. I love a good comedy, big fan of late 00s NBC like community/30 rock/parks&rec. I also watch a lot of netflix documentaries, they have some really interesting true crime ones. I am so curious which popular ones you arent a fan of. Im not a super huge fan of the office tbh. Like I appreciate it but also second hand embarrassment is too much sometimes.  

[lateforcoffee]

This is a little political but please open a debate, this an important topic

Violence.

Violence is everywhere in American culture. Its so prominent in our every day lives that one could say we as humans almost seem to crave some sort of violence. From violent movies featuring idolized super heroes literally getting their head cut off or gunning through hordes of unnamed faceless goons, to video games where an entire feature is that you can murder random people in a number of whacky ways, to novels which have been around far far longer than either of my previous points that contain violence of some kind.

Now. Is it an insane assumption to connect the dots and believe that the crime rate and mass murder rate is directly affected by these forms of media? No. It makes sense with ver little thought required. I see violence; I want to emulate violence.

Now heres where i interject and propose this radical new idea that can be applied to more than violence.

Perhaps we crave violent media because it is a moral, ethical, and guilt free way to feel empowered. To scratch an itch. Some would turn away, deeply disturbed, from Grand Theft Auto's realistic environment inwhich you have the option to mow people down in any kind of car you can think of only to murder droves and droves of cops. GTA is a low hanging fruit but it sends the message. Its disturbing. Outright morbid. The things you CAN do are truly vile and no person should ever wish to do them in a real world setting.

You're driving to work. You cant find your keys and so you cant brush your teeth or eat or really get cosy before commuting to work. You're already a little disgruntled. Its a hot summer day and the steering wheel is too hot to touch and the car seat is sticking to you and no matter how hard you crank it the AC just wont give anything. Then you pull out... and into a mile of traffic. Traffic so bad the radio is talking about how they pitty you if you're heading to work. You get to work an hour late. You're hot. You're tired. You dont want to be here. Your boss chews you up and spits you out. By now, any reasonable person would want to tear their hair out and scream in frustration. Its normal. Its /human/. Lets say you're not fased by GTA's violence or any other graphic media that portrays violence sickeningly realistically. If you were to go home in this exhausted, hot, and angry state you might want to find a way to vent that out before it hurts something or someone. You could go for a run, maybe do some yoga. Follow your hobby. But if your hobby is to immerse yourself in a fantasy for a few hours a day then why not endulge in some violence in a safe place?

Just like violent art, no one is actually getting hurt. Theres no blood or blame for anyone to carry as burden for the rest of their lives.

But of course we still have mass shootings and murder and rape. But perhaps these stem from mental illness and unwellness, being disturbed in a fragile state such as childhood, wreaking a sad and horrowing cycle of abuse from father to child. We are, collectively, working towards understanding why people feel that way. What goes so wrong in someone's life or chemistry that they cant control their violent tendencies. That they actively wish to fulfill them.

When you pick up a good book you know the characters will stay in the pages and your mind. You wouldnt run around screaming about the one true ring or how you need to get to Hogwarts after you read. For some people the line between reality and fiction is blurred, however. And why this line is blurred or missing entirely is important to know. Imagine for a moment that all of your favorite characters and villains never stopped following you after you consumed their media. It would be horrible, and in some cases, very scary.

Back on topic a little. You just got home and you're exhausted and angry and you dont want to talk to anyone or even hear your name. So you do some yoga. You make something. You feel better. Theres a sense of fulfillment that follows you doing that hobby or activity. Violent media is no different. We consume it so much because, deep down, a staggering amount of us dont like an equally staggering amount of everyone else. We know, though, and in our stable mental health, that we cant just punch Richard in the face for being a dick to you at work. Your boss gets angry, Richard gets angry, people are scared, nothing sensible comes from that. It just makes a bad situation worse.

In a movie henchmen and mobs of animals or other miscellaneous aliens and creatures are killed over and over and over in pursuit of the hero achieving their ultimate goal: stop the bad guy. In a movie does the hero face immediate repercussions from punching some random guy in the face? Of course not. Nobody was actually punched and we know that no one was hurt in the end. But the look, the sound, the violence that follows the characters is fulfilling and relieving.

Now to the other things i mentioned forever ago. Sex. Sex is, for some reason, taboo in America. You dont say you have sex, you dont share porn, you actively deny the existence of porn in public otherwise you face social ostracizing.

Porn is quite literally a sexual movie. Its soul purpose is to provide an experience you might not be able to do safely right now or at all. You probably wouldnt just watch porn just to watch porn. Its boring like that. Theres no fulfillment from it. You watch it and consume it to achieve that fulfillment. That fantasy of that fetish.

If you take away porn you take away that same style of vent for those other less than comfortable emotions (anger, sadness, anxiety,) and you, in my opinion, make things worse. Theres no longer a safe place or way to express that feeling. You cant find the same fulfillment and some will get restless. It will drive others mad and these emotions that build up without fulfillment get stronger and stronger until the consequences of your actions no longer stunt you and you lash out at somebody. That creates a dangerous environment. Another plus side to porn is that we get to explore ourselves intimately which is an important part of life. It will help you to explore your mate or partner more intimately as well.

How about self worth. Self worth is a really important part of personality. You need to value and validate yourself otherwise you become depressed and recluse from society. So why not have another safe place to express yourself? Like Tumblr. You can post almost anything you want and talk about almost anything you want(I say almost because certain topics and media are banned by our government and our society looks down on other topics such as racism). You could play a game where you're an epic unstoppable knight and for a while feel powerful and in control. Or you could watch an action movie and get your fix that way.

In conclusion. I believe we need violent media and most importantly we need to internally moderate ourselves. You are the only person and being that has ultimate control over you. YOU decide what you say and how you say it. YOU decide what media you see and how you think of it. YOU need to be the one in control of your media. Know your boundaries and keep yourself safe, happy, and fulfilled.