#i cant go outside because that sets off my allergies and im afraid theres gonna be another allergen that actually drives me to use my epi
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#ok putting this all in the tags but i just need to get this out of my head right now in a tangible way#but i just feel so fucking trapped by my own body right now and have had three breakdowns already becauze of it#for the last month or so i have essentially been cut off from the outside world and even the beings i love with right now#all thanks to my godsdamned immune system and lungs#because since i moved in my allergies have become hyper-active and aggravated my asthma to the point i still struggle to just talk#or even breathe without sounding like a human squeak toy or bagpipe#because of that i havent been able to talk with friends online in vc even though id love to#i cant go outside because that sets off my allergies and im afraid theres gonna be another allergen that actually drives me to use my epi#AND im incredibly limited in my home now as i am very allergic to all three pets whose hair is EVERYWHERE#and worst of all#the one pet i am the most allergic to is our cat Mochi who i absolutely love and she loves me more than anyone else#and she is getting so so so skinny and old and wont be around much longer#but i cant give her all the love and affection she deserves for being my precious Motorboat#because my allergies will very quickly decide that breathing is no longer an option if i breathe in too much hair#and her cat hair will become a landmine of allergies thatll be kicked up whenever that area is disturbed#and my hands are already getting so dried out from all the hand washing#and i am just so upset by this#and essentially grieving the fact i wont be able to give her as much love and affection as i want to before she passes#and i may need to move my computer setup into my bedroom as its the one place that can be kept pet free#and i just... gods i hate this so much... ;-;#like im scared to even try and push these allergies because if they get aggrivated then they make life hell#everything itches and it becomes so hard to just breathe normally (let alone even be able to talk to my family) for like a week afterwards#and i just.... i just want to pet and give my Mochi affection while shes still here#but shes getting so so bony and is having a harder time moving around to even fet up into her cat tree ;-;#idk how much longer she has left vut i know that it'll be a long time before my allergy shots can make my allergy to her manageable#and i just... i dont know what to do and i hate it ;-;
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