#i cant drive yet i dont live on my own i dont work right now theres so much i dont know how to do and its overwhelming

[truckstoptigers]

i hate being fine all day & then all of a sudden feeling miserable

[freesomebodybyluna]

Went to go see barbie with a coworker today, which was suuuper good btw and after we went to get froyo, which was so nice bc we talked for like 2 hrs until going home hehe I love making friends!!

[omegasmileyface]

may not apply to anybody else but

some notes from my experience gradually becoming more involved with the world immediately around me

(as someone who never got involved in a social life or communities of any sort as a kid and moved a lot and now lives in the middle of nowhere)

taking walks lets me see the houses close to mine and what sort of things they come with (sports team merch, outdoors equipment, political signs, food gardens, etc.)

it also lets me see resources around me. i wouldnt know that there was an open community garden and a storage center just down the street without lookin around on walks

(you can also look around while driving! less time to ruminate but still some)

my state's PBS channel does a ton of local news and documentary coverage! theyre available for free online! its a good place to start

newspapers can be hard to keep up with and also sad if theyre as political as the one here, but they still have relevant stuff

my town and the closest city both have websites, and event newsletters! like, by email!

sometimes things you have zero interest in on their own can be important in your community. .....specifically, im talking about sports. a lot of people like sports by their own right and thats great for them but personally i have never been able to give a shit. ESPECIALLY high school sports (or school spirit in general), which happens to be pretty much The Biggest Thing in a whooole lot of american communities. im currently learning that you can engage a little in the high school sports scene without meaningfully caring the vast majority of the time! ...i havent quite figured out HOW yet, but i know its possible. step one is small talk when people say something about the teams, i guess. or superficially saying you hope Local Team wins State or whatever. the community involvement can be more fun than the actual sport! i spent a lot of words on this one but its a big one to me idk

browsing little stores is one of my favorites. even if you dont actually care what theyre selling. just walking around, making small talk with the employees/owner if youre able to, stuff like that

see if there just happens to be what you want. i have a bad habit of just ASSUMING that they dont have anything here. "i live in the middle of nowhere, of course theres no food not bombs division / punk scene / parkour studio / improv theater" ... its worth actually checking lol. like, recently i learned that theres... well, ok, theres no public transportation. but theres this shuttle service that works between a couple stops a few hours a week thats KINDA like public transportation!

talk to people. its so hard its so hard if you have autism or social anxiety or no practice or a lot of fears or all of the above (hi) and im also sure youve heard it a million times but its usually worth trying

use cash if youre shopping locally. idk it keeps the community independent or whatever. also keeping cash on you is a good habit, since youre gonna want to be giving buskers and homeless people and such money whenever possible. and thats waaay easier with cash.

bank locally? and other such... necessary expenses. if possible! as everything tends toward monopolization its hard to have control over who does your banking or electricity or insurance or what have you. im lucky to live in montana, basically the only state where independent banks thrive. still, worth looking around and seeing what you can do

......i really cant overstate the power of the websites (town chamber of commerce website, local news station website, local radio station website) and newspapers as hubs for finding more stuff. a lot of the time, theyll have little 2 sentence blurbs that tell you that something exists, and then you can look that thing up on its own and maybe find a phone number or a mailing list.

last one ok i havent tried this one out on my own bc im scared (reminder that this is not an instructional post this is an observation of my own experience) but i have a theory that dating apps are a good place to find people your age in your area. they might be upset that youre trying to connect with them as acquaintances on a service literally meant for romance, but... well, they dont exactly have anything like it for friends. (nothing mainstream enough to actually work, anyway.)

also this is gonna sound dumb but look at posters and fliers

[mockingbirdshymn]

headcanons for the adult camp camp characters part 1 nerriston/performance trio because i love them with all of my heart ever

preston ends up working at a local theatre as the primary director there!! the theatre's actors usually consist of high school students and the theatre ends up hosting a lot of larger high school or college plays, and preston has pressured quite a few colleges into doing some of his favorite plays. the happiest hes ever been was when he got to direct a heathers play. he literally came home and shoved the script in harrison and nerris' faces out of excitement.

harrison works as a magician at the same theatre. he did a few shows in other theatres, a few times in vegas. he wants to become a famous magician, (as preston does a famous actor), but likes his life where it is right now and wouldnt want to be moving all of the time for shows. plus, hes terrified of being seen as a freak of some sort of ridiculed. he does bigger shows every so often, dont think he doesnt, but he mainly does shows in his city.

nerris' job is in marketing. she hates it a lot but performance doesnt bring as much money in as theyd like so they have to put in effort. theyre honestly happy with it because while the job itself sucks, she likes seeing harrison and preston be able to do their own crafts.

nerris did not want a dog. preston and harrison found a dog being given away in a walmart parking lot. and thus, nerris woke up to a dog in their home. harrison named him mantacore after the roy and siegfried's tiger yk the one. he is a samoyed. he sleeps on the bed with them.

they dont have kids ever mostly because i really dont like kids im sorry but i feel as though preston would see a child and go "ew" and nerris is the only one with actually good parents so 2/3 of the kids parents would just not know what to do. soooo no kids

nerris binds but never gets top surgery!! this is mostly because some days they dont really get dysphoria, and they still like appearing feminine from time to time (though neutral is definitely their style like 75% of the time). this headcanon is made by me, someone who binds but does not want to get top surgery, half projecting onto nerris

harrison does not drink, preston sometimes does, nerris does. this doesnt rlly have a followup headcanon but i can only imagine harrison's introverted ass staring down at a cup of orange juice while at a party and then driving everyone else home

there are three bookshelves in the living room. you can tell whos is whos because one is filled with percy jackson and narnia and other fantasy books, another has every script to every play in existence ever as well as analysis books of creative theatre, and one has like four magic related books and mostly stores props. not to say harrison doesnt read, but he mostly steals from nerris' shelf when he wants to read.

every summer, the performance trio (along with the other adult campers) hangs out at camp campbell. the camp shut down after the kids all became adults, mostly because nobody wanted to send their kids to a camp known for being a money laundering scheme, housing a known criminal (cameron campbell), overall a big scam, and because the amount of fbi helicopters flying to the camp was enough to drive everyone else away. it was a miracle the campers were allowed to come back there the following summers.

as adults, the campers are all relatively good friends. dolph moved to germany, but he visits whenever he can, and neil is gone a lot doing research projects in different countries, but the campers still live relatively close together and hang out a lot. i cant see a universe where they stop talking after camp

in honor of the camp, and also because yellow grew on them after a while, yellow is still a color most of the campers wear pretty often, except for max, dolph, and space kid.

harrison is still scared of quartermaster. how is he not dead yet. it has been a decade. he looked old when david was a kid. why is he still here. what the fuck was up with that space octopus. what does he know.

i like to think at least once quartermaster showed up at the nerriston house, poked his hook at harrison and said "come with me" and harrison Just Did. he came back a day later looking absolutely disturbed. he probably saw a demon or something, knowing quartermaster.

[dead-in-devil-town]

the part about being undiagnosed and disabled that's the hardest is the sneaking feeling of it's not real. i'm exaggerating.

i cant get an mri yet because the neurolgist wont call back yet, but i got an emg and all it showed was a bunch of nerves had a "bad" responses of uncertain signifigence. (also please dont mind my spelling mistakes, i'm dealing with super bad brain fog right now)

like, yes im in so much pain walking to the bathroom is scary - but what if what i'm experiencing is normal? and im just exaggerating?

and it doesnt help that the world is just naturally ableist - they want to doubt you.

and it hurts.

i couldnt even work the job i used to work a couple months ago now. thats how fast it feels like i degraded.

i could stand for almost 5 hours straight-ish, walk the 10-15 minutes back and forth.

now walking across the house gets me light headed, dizzy and just in so much pain.

i cant qualify for disability cause i cant get diagnosed for whats physically wrong with me and my autism diagnosis isn't even legal. which is a whole other rabbit hole.

how the fuck am i supposed to make money? im lucky i live with my parents but that comes with its own downsides. i just... i dont know.

i live real rural, so every job around here i can work isn't accomodating - and i cant drive.

doing art is all i can do, but yknow making money as an artist isn't easy.

this is a special kind of hell. badumtis.

at least im trying.

[godlovesmemore]

a d d e r a l l & I got high driving again.

did not get pulled over by police. took more then last time but was more careful/safe — besides popping them while driving. was it cool? no but theres the rush when it feels illegal. i spaced them all out and thought about each one. the first one was genuinely because i was due for one and i forgot to take it before i started driving. that one was legal.

on the second one i knew it was more than necessary. i questioned my motives — is this my addiction talking ? its me and yes both are true. i also felt in my heart god said its ok to go ahead so i didn’t question the gut instinct. by this I mean it was a calling to do it and not a want of my own, my want comes after from curiosity, the pull where will this pill (direction) lead this time, good or bad? if i know its gods call i should take it, trust, break the law. if you’re not sure ask permission. be sure god says its ok, not yourself. then it’ll work out

By the time i took the 3x i was lost at some deadend — and thought wouldn’t this be a perfect place to pop a final one — my gut reaction (addiction) says take another — I wonder is it ok god? whatever the fuck you wanna do; god says — he’ll get high too. Update hours later. its 10pm and i just took another even though god said no. free will? actually it’s the opposite = addiction

edit

i just got home from seeing family, took a 2 hour long car ride in the country. trying to find god, reasons to live. reconnect by drowning out my feelings with bass music. i needed to decompress, so did some recreational drugs, slightly testing to see the effects going over the prescribed dose. its difficult to tell how it affects you unless your actually doing something (driving) so 3x in one hour and id say im feeling like i took a small dose of xanax — adhd meds really do calm me but its the mania = my addiction. if you’ve never done manic before you’ll just never know the high. i couldn’t sleep the past 2 days now and i haven’t eaten but i hope i can get real sleep tonight. new rule never exceed 6 pills in a day and try to stay below 4 — im only ordered 2x a day

5x today total i need to order more pills tomorrow

—feeling a come down from the last tab at 10 pm. this mania is truly tired out i hope she’ll still be with me tomorrow. mania must have just started today, honestly right when driving home. i guess something about leaving my familys house triggered it. id been feeling mad depressed lately. last night i felt so worthless deep down in my core. it was right there like i could hold onto it. yet ive managed to have my pills under control pretty much since being pulled over. yea nobody wants me manic—but its the only time i ever want to be alive. if you cant love me manic you dont get to know about my medication usage either. remember next time always hide mania from everybody — never trust anyone close to you but god

Im in bed right now, almost 1 a m — with bipolar i fear feeling better (moments like these) ill fear this moment because feeling better is probably gone tomorrow. so we stay awake, dont eat or sleep because maybe ill get another day with myself — the best part of me — a lovable me. i will remain sober from drugs. jesus help me i cannot go on with this life soberminded.

medicine is safe — its clean, im prescribed it. so what if i found the magic pill to become manic when it suits me: life fucking hacked.

[decembrwind]

still trying to figure things out...

been years since my last post right? well, this year i started writing journals but it has been on and off now it turns to be a weekly journal *lol* well... what to write here then?

now i'm entering my 4th year, now 3,5 to be exact, working at the company i wrote about. i moved from working in the city i used to live when i was in uni, to the so called greater metropolitan area. which one do i like better? obviously my recent place but let me tell you something.. i'm not really happy because i dont get paid well. i really hope this year i can find a better job because i think it's enough time here and clock is ticking... im gonna be fuckin 28 this year. i really dont think about marriage or kids yet, but i just wanna settle like financially. i wanna be free; giving my parents everything they need and want, having my own place, being successful together with my sisters and my best friend.

talking about the boy.. oh, boy, i dont know what to do. we decided to trap ourselves now we just cant get out. actually more like we dont wanna get out yet. its entering 5th year of our relationship and we still have no clue. i really hope before both of us turn 30 we can finally figure things out, and be mature about it.

talking about being mature, i dont see myself as a mature person even though i am really close to 30. maybe that what makes me feel numb about everything. im not mad anymore, in fact ive decided to let go of my past and made peace with it last year. now i dont wanna die because of rage or sadness anymore, but sometimes i still wanna die but for another reason... i just feel empty maybe? like i dont have no goals, no achievements, just no drive to live. is it worse than being angry? i dont know. its just like living with a lot of sighings now.

N. M.

[lilsprite-dreamlog]

4/6/15

I found this note from 9 years ago. Huge trigger warning ⚠️

Saving this in my lil online journal to remind myself how far I have come in my mental health journey.

Continue reading at your own detriment.

I constantly wake up and wonder why. why i am so lucky every single fucking day. My mind is a hurricane going straight for a radiation plant conveniently located to a large city filled of hopeless people waiting for their demise. my emotions are like a menopausal woman's a/c unit. hot and cold. cold and hot. i want to run. far away from everything that reminds me of the shit person i have become, start anew. yet i want to stay...locked in my room with all the candy and video games a gamer could want. and just one sharp blade. a large bottle of motrin. maybe a gun would do it. i certainly couldn’t hang myself. i like the thought of a gun. to have whatever is left inside of my hollow emotionless body sprayed across the walls and ceilings. it could be my final painting i ever paint. a red painting of pain.

i say these terrible things to myself and i wonder. why do i have these tendencies? why do i want to die as soon as i am bestowed with the gift of life when i wake up from another sleepless night filled with tears and denial and regret and pain and hate. and yet i feel as though my days are like a sunny rainy day. have you ever been somewhere where its sunny with barely any clouds but it’s still raining? thats how i would describe my life right now.

i love my life and everything in it. my mom dad brother all love me. i have great friends also. i have 2 dogs that are my life. i am young and “healthy”. why isn’t this enough for me. why do i want this? why do i want this all to go away?

i am not afraid of death. is that why i wish it upon myself? is it because i cant handle living in fucked up society anymore? living to work, working to live? that is not the life i want. unfortunately that is the only thing anybody can do in this life. not so bad if you do what you love for the rest of your life right? but what do i love? i am such a wildfire and i am not consistent. only when it comes to anime but in other things in life i cannot seem to grasp something that keeps me grounded. that is why i am scared to try hard drugs cause i know for sure i would be hooked. same reason why i dont gamble. i love drinking too much and i dont tell anyone that.

i smile everyday and laugh. when really i want to scream so fucking hard my lungs fall out of my throat and i cant breathe anymore. every time i drive my truck i do a small prayer a drunk driver kills me. sometimes i drive super fast and take my belt off and close my eyes then take my hands off the wheel. sometimes i put the blade to my skin but people will notice so i just do a small one when really i want to know how it feels to be stabbed in the heart. i know i have done it to many unfortunate souls that have seen some kind of light in my eyes. sometimes i put a handful of pills in my mouth.

i wonder if im fucked up like this because of my past. my cousin raped me when i was young. i was like 3 or 4. i was too young to know what he was doing was bad. so he did it for awhile then it stopped. now i am fucked up in bed. i like it crazy. but deep down i don’t enjoy sex. it doesn’t feel good to me. but rather i enjoy the act of taking each others clothes and being bad. maybe thats my problem i enjoy being bad. but i know thats not it because i’ve never stolen anything in my life ha.

so what is it? why do you hate yourself so much that you want to die? i’m coo coo thats for damn sure. what i really need is to be locked up in a hospital so i don’t hurt anyone else. but hospitals give me horrible anxiety and the shrinks are just snitches with degrees and nice clothing. wolves in sheep clothing thats all they are. one of my shrinks wanted to send me to rehab. another one was turning me against my family, he sucked. if i ever go to a mental house i will definitely kill myself. or i will turn into all the people there. sometimes i feel like i belong there though because i don’t feel much of anything anymore just sadness. i am crazy on the outside but i am a normal moody 20 year old.

maybe i should do something bad so i can go to jail the rest of my life and be a loser. then piss off some lady named dorris and have her shank me with a plastic fork. yeah i’ve thought about that path can you tell? ‘damn’ you must be thinking. ‘what the fuck is wrong this girl’. i have no fucking idea and i wish i did.

my mom was such an amazing parent to me and i didn’t fucking deserve any of it. i don’t deserve it. i don’t deserve all the love that is given to me. at all. i don’t deserve anything, thinking these thoughts. i wake up and cry because i still exist. i cry because i hate myself. i cry because i’m so fucking worthless. i am such a piece of shit and i know it. i have more fucking issues than vogue. if i don’t kill myself now i will eventually do it. before i start to get wrinkles joint pain and go deaf i will.

i’m so fucking selfish to think these thoughts and praying to die when my mom is fighting for her life. she might have cancer again and she does not deserve this sentence. i am selfish for wishing i had it so i could die and finally leave this ugly universe. and all she wants to do is live. then i really hate myself for that and the cycle continues. and its like this everyday. i don’t know what to do anymore with myself i am so far lost i am beyond wandering or exploring. i am about to jump into the deep end and i will not know if i will make it out this time. i only stay alive for the sake of those around me unfortunately.

[vintageghoststories]

Fuck Yeah Fuck Yeah Fuck Yeah ok. so there r allot of them sorry !! anwyays

blair oakwood [she/her lesbian, 19ish? !!! ]-my shining star<33 shes the "main character" of the story ive thrown her in and God Shes Soooo ! so as a young child she had a encounter w/ a old god which lead to her Not Being Able To Die [<- she still can get hurt though. im working on the mechanics of it all] anyways after that she meets dannie her bestest friend ever !!! they then have a massive fallout the week before dannie goes to uni and stop talking till he shows up on her doorstep but im getting ahead of myself. uhhh oh right ! so after she Doesnt Die she fucks up her leg and uses a cane semi regularly !!! shes also a butch lesbian and she loves old country music and folk rock and she drives a truck and <33333333333 shes a little bit of a wet rag of a gal but its ok!! she also wears a binder sometimes bc i make the rules<33 OhOh also she lives w/ her aunt which is why she is in the town now !!! ALSo she has weird dreams Yay

theo banks [she/he genderfluid pan+demiace and polyam 20]- ohhhh theo,, so theo is somewhat the Main Love Intrest to blair [<- they r Bfs. but also Gfs depending on what day it is !][also lin ill talk abt them later] anyways so theo Accidentally Crashed Into Blair With Her Car but its ok bc blair cant die and thats kinda when they meet<3 theo is like wtf lets figure out why u cant die n blair is like ok ! luckily theo has that Austic swag and due to his own past has also been fucked over by Old Gods, this leads to her being very interested in the history of the town n honestly she would make a good archivist . however she works at a diner w/ his boss/father figure :] overall theo is very very clever n also probably writes letters and gives it to her friends<33 she is full of allot of love and also definitely set up a red string board sometime in the story

dannie [he/him transmasc bi, 21 or 22]- i havent figured out a last name for him yet :[[ anyways as ive said in dannies bit hes blairs bestest friend !!! kinda. notrlly. so they r like siblings and have always been w/ eachother however during Teen Years they become a little codepend and its a bit unhealthy, and then have a fight before dannie goes to uni w/ his gf at the time [They break up which leads to dannie going to blair after abt a year and a half of not speaking and being like hi!] anyways they r much healthier now<33 they r very much like siblings and dannie is a very protective person over blair and hes also a bit of the therapist of the group. very much Big Brother Vibes alsoo!! hes dating lin who ill talk abt in a second

vee [they/it nonbinary+intersex, aroace 17] vee !!!! they have so much autsic swag its insane. so they r semi-verbal and use sign langeus to communicate ! they r the younger sibling to lin and well. do to them having hubris they now r partly unhuman [it has a tv head im allowed to indulge myself] they also dont rlly age and dont remember its name [hence the name vee, bc. tv. ahhhahhahha im so clever] they live in a cabin/lighthouse n probably r good at board games and read allot !!! cant rlly go outside w/ a tvhead unfortunately . they also have a shit memory but overall very cool They. ralso just. god its just has soso much autism in it i cant explain

lin [they/them agender queer polyam 21] lin is such a prick and i love them<3 they made some deal w/ a Old God and it fell througj and now theyr a ghost [until they haunt blairs dreams and blair hates them and blah blah] so yeah overall just kinda a prick. they r a bastard and trying their best<33 anyways them n dannie r fully dating Gay And InLove while theo n them r strangers-friends with benefits-its complicted- Friends Just Pals. - qp ! lin isa little bitch but they r trying to get better and overall deeply care abt the ppl around them [also blair n them r veryyy paralled lololol]

so those r my main five Guys !!! there r many more n i probably forget some stuff bc its late but yeah :]]]

[ALSO!! some blair fanart x x x and theo x ]

Reblog this and tell me about your ocs. don’t even write it in the tags just respond.

[botsluudge]

CURRENT ROBOT COLLECTION!

hey, im vinny, ive been collecting robots since 2019, and i figured now was the time to finally post my collection :) i have about 23 robots, altough only 19 are pictured here. ill have little writeups about each of them below the read more

first we have my furbies, left to right they are skrungles, stinky and my racer furby. skrungles and stinky both function but i havent tested racer. I got skrungles on august 3rd of 2021, i got stinky and his sibling that i no longer own on july 13th of 2021. i got my racer furby on sepember 4th 2022 from my friend tim (@anqmorphic) ... doesnt have a name yet but im brainstorming .

i dont remeber when exactly i got my mutsu, but it was late 2021. i got them and their box plus manual for 70 dollars (which was a STEAL) but rarely boot them anymore because i dont have the time. they're fully functional but missing a piece of their tank.

ahhh, my idogs. left to right we have my mini idog, who i accidentally botched the repairs of and lost his ears and tail.. hes partially functioning. barkthalomew is an idog ive had since ive been a kid, but his clothes and bag are from christmas of 2019. the other two i got in a lot with the mini idog they dont have names and i got them around 2020. theres another one i dont currently have with me

heres my meowchi and a burger king poochi, i also have a poochi, but not with me :(

heres my compurobot, who is missing his battery compartment and therefore non functioning. i got him in a lot of 3 80s robots

this is my anki vector, who i got for Christmas of 2019. hes off the ddl subscription because. hell no. im not doing that sorry

these are steve the butler, completely non functioning, and my radioshack talking robie, partially functioning. the talking robie only drives in circles

this is my icybie, pinkman (yes, like jesse pinkman) and i have a working battery and everything seems to work but i cant find his charger :(

this is fisher prices imaginex spike the dinosaur, who was a gift from my mom. she found him in a thrift store, and thought i would want it so bought it for me! hes untested, as i dont have any batteries, or a remote

another gift from my mom! this is a sharper image rc robot arm, fully functional but takes a crazy amount of batteries

this is a hexbug aquabot i got when i was a kid, never used or taken out of box... i just dont have any space to run them

i was so passionate about getting this guy lol. this is the tomy hootbot, who i got for around 60 bucks. missing his stand, and seemingly functional but very obviously has a motor problem because of how ear piercingly loud he is

and finally, my desktop buddy, emo from living ai. i am always running emo, even if im not paying attention to him. his name is bebop also! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING. i will update this as i get more bots and get new documentation on bots i dont have on hand

[iwadori]

When they leave you on your wedding day (Sakusa, Bokuto)

Genre: angst

Word count: 1.7K

masterlist

Sakusa’s will make more sense if you read this you don’t have too but it’ll help.

Sakusa:

“Y/N,” you hear knocks on the door outside your dressing room “I-I need to talk to you.”    

“But Omi, a groom must never see their bride until they meet at the alter,” you say behind the door.

“I-It’s important, and I must tell you right now.” he says a bit more intensely

“Okay, Okay... you can come in but im hiding in the closet since my dress is already on.”

“Ok.”

You hear the door open and shut, and a lot of pacing around of what you can presume was his fresh wedding shoes trotting against the hard wood floors.

“Omi,” you call wondering why he hasn’t spoken yet “Is everything okay?”

“Umm yes I-it's fine...it just I-” he says pausing

“Just what?”

“I don’t really know how to say this Y/N, I don’t really know how to say it’s just-” he says again pausing himself taking a deep breath.

“Just what Omi? Don’t tell me you’ve got cold feet love,” you say laughing at the thought of it, but your laughter ceased when you don’t hear the ‘Of course I don’t have cold feet Y/N’ that you were expecting.

“Omi?” you asked again, hoping he had he was still going to give you the response you wanted.

“Omi..” you repeated.

“Omi!” you say finally, now exiting the room (with your wedding dress on) to see why your fiance was not responding.  

To your shock, Omi was sitting down on a couch with his face in his hands with soft sobs coming from his mouth and runny tears and snot coming from his eyes and nose. “Omi whats wrong?” you say loudly, alerting him,

“Y/N you look beautiful!” he says sniffling.

“Omi you were meant to say that at the alter, but now that your crying forget about the dress... what’s wrong?” you say sitting down next to him.

“I don’t know how to say this...” he starts, looking away from you  

“Say what? Omi look at me...” you say feeling anxious  

“We...We can’t get married today,” he says still with his eyes off you.

“What do you mean, we can’t get married.” you ask but you get no answer,

“Omi answer me,”

“Say something please!” you say turning his body so that he’s facing you, his eyes are all puffy and bloodshot from the crying and now tears are filling yours “What do you mean Omi,”

“Remember Ex’s name?” he says confusing you cause what did she have to do with anything.

“Yes I remember her, I remember vividly being the girl you cheated on her with after you claimed you were ‘breaking up with her’ so I had to tell her.” you scoff “so yes, I definitely remember Y/N, what about her?”

“We recently umm how can I say this,” he says struggling for words “reconnected... and I do truly miss her and she’s made me rethink some things, see some things...”

“And those things are?”

“I’ve always loved her, she’s always been my one. The one.” he says smiling a bit at the thought of her making you feel sick.

“But Omi what about us? What about the wedding that’s going to happen in less than an hour?”

“Im sorry Y/N I’ll tell everyone what has happened.”

“I don’t want you to do that, I want you to marry me.” you say desparetly “please Omi, why her? Why now..”

“It’s always been her, and you’ve known that.” he says standing up “The day you told her about our ONE NIGHT stand, was the day that I thought I couldn’t live on, but when you came and accepted the pathetic mess I was, I gladly dated you since I had nothing else to loose...but its been 4 years since then I'm a changed man and EX NAME is a changed girl, a forgiving girl and the spark we had wasn’t lost I guess...and Im happy now”

“But what about me?” you say crying “What about me? And my happiness, don’t I deserve that? Don’t I deserve to finally be happy.”  

“Y/N, you do deserve to be happy. But not with me, not at the stake of my own happiness, I wont allow it.”

“Omi bu-”

“God Y/N, don’t be so desperate!” he said agressively “Im sorry for stopping the wedding, I know your parents have put in alot of money in it and I will certainly pay them back... in due time of course.”

“You’re sorry for stopping the wedding?” you say angrily “Not sorry for stopping this relationship. Stopping the longlasting feelings ive felt for you since the day I met you?”

“Cut the crap Y/N, all we did was have one night stand.” he says rolling his eyes and unbuttoning his top botton of his shirt and loosening his tie I dont know why but this Is what guys do when theyre mad in the movies.

“Your such a liar Omi, you used to come into my work place everyday flirting with me talking about how much you wanted me, PINING AFTER ME, making me fall in love with you and not even telling me you had a girlfriend at the time.” you yell “and you summarise that all to me falling in love with you after one measly one night stand.”

“I don’t want to do this Y/N,” he says heading to the door “We’re finished. No more wedding. No marriage. And definitely don’t contact me after this. We’re through.” he slams the door behind him, leaving you alone and jilted in your wedding dress.

You get why he broke it off with you, and technically you do play a small part to blame. You were the one that told his girlfriend that you slept with him and then dated him afterwards, so I guess ‘how you get them, is how you lose them’ definitely works in this case.

Bokuto

The bokuto and L/N wedding was going to be a joyous occasion. Your soon to be husband told everybody he saw that he were to be wed with you, he couldn’t contain his excitement.

“Bokuto calm down, we’ll be married soon.” was what you always said, whenever he started his rambles to which he always replied “I know Y/N, I cant wait.”

When it came to your grand day, you were excited from the moment you woke up you were buzzing, wondering if Bokuto was feeling even a half of the feelings that you felt.  

You looked beautiful in your dress, anticipating the look on Bokuto’s face when he sees you at that alter. Your wedding party was already at the hotel you were getting married at whilst Bokuto’s got ready at the houe and decided to drive there.

So after you got ready, all you had to do is wait for Kuroo, one of Bokuto’s best men, to tell you when it’s time for you to walk down the aisle.  

You were impatient, your leg was shaking now you knew how Bokuto felt when he rambled on how excited he was for you to become Bokuto Y/N. You finally heard a knock on the door and you dashed to open it,

“Kuroo, thank god you’re here!” you exclaim giving him a hug “I’ve been waiting ages for you, lets go! Take me to my future husband.” You pull his arm practically trying to run and see your man before Kuroo pulls your arm halting you.

“Y/N...” he says shifting his eye sight from left to right “I think we should sit down for a minute.”

“Why? Is he not here yet, gosh he’s always been late to things” you joke “but fine we can sit for a minute or two.”

As you sat, Kuroo turns his body to you putting his hands on your knees with his eyes looking sad “Y/N. I don’t know how to say this but...” he gulps putting his head down “there’s been an accident.”

“Accident? What do you mean accident? What happened? Is everyone okay.” you ask a bit frantically, since it would sad for someone to be hurt on your wedding day.

“That’s the thing Y/N, Bokuto he..”  

“Bokuto what? He’s okay.. Right?” you ask staring at Kuroo “He’s fine right?”

“No he isnt,” he says

“What do you mean he isn’t what happened, where is he? I need to see him.” you say getting up before Kuroo pulls you back down.

“He isn’t anywhere... well anywhere for you to see him. There weren’t enough cars for us, well there were but one of them the engine wasn’t starting and it sound a bit dodgy. But Bokuto said, he insisted for us all to be there. I even offered to let him take my spot in the other cars, I did Y/N I really did, but he promised us that he’d be fine. He left a bit before he did, saying that if he had chance to wander around the hotel it may calm his nerves. But when we were driving, we saw this car all mangled up on the side of the road, it was his. I told him not to drive that car, I told him and he did and I-” he rambled with tears pooling in his eyes “Im sorry Y/N im really sorry.”

“But why why didn’t you call?”

“He told us not too, he said that he wanted you be to as happy as you could be on this day as he knew it wouldn’t end with you becoming his wife.”

“But the ambulance, you called an ambulance right?”

“He was D.O.A, Akaashi went with him since he knew that he probably wouldn’t be able to deliver the news to you.”

“Why? Why did he leave me? On our wedding day, it was supposed to be our day and now hes gone Kuroo hes gone.” you wail, but kuroo wraps his arms around you in a brotherly hug as he cries too.  

That’s how you spend your wedding night, crying in your friends arms over the loss of your ‘husband’ and his ‘brother.’

Bokuto’s funeral was the week after, and it was not an event you were excited for. It was a hard day to get through, but you did it with the help of Kuroo and Akaashi. You visit Bokuto every year on your wedding anniversary talking to your husband even though it always reminds you of the day that never came to be.

This is the wedding angst that is a gift from me to you sweetheart @teesumu you can totally block me after this cause girll I cried whilst writing it.

If you want a nice ending to the bokuto story to make you feel better read this

General taglist [bold can’t be tagged]: @sakuxxi, @iimoonii, @hamdehlesmis, @Shoyosupremacy, @iambashfulperson, @kayleighbeccaa, @dearkousei, @bakugouswh0r3, @xedspirits @borpcorp, @soft-angel-clouds, @foxxtrot-116 @Xogiaaa, @jesssobs, @apple-poptarts @galagcica @letssssus, @random-734, [join the taglist here]

[latenightdecaf]

Entry 6 - of light gaze and worrisome face

part of let the pile of good things grow series - series masterlist

previous entry here

Yoongi x reader

Ft. nonidol!bts

Producer!yoongi, roommate!yoongi, soft!yoongi

slow burn romance, friendship, slice of life

series of drabbles/one shots

no warnings for now

A/N: starting to get the hang of this again, it’s been a while so i’m just going where my imagination takes me. So i’ll probably be posting another one for tomorrow before the motivation leaves me. Hope you all like it.

Word count: 1,953

Pacing back and forth in the living room as you’re having this conversation with your friend and also editor, Hye Jin. Talking you out into the possibility of taking in another project that would put an indefinite pause to your own book.

“I couldn’t possibly say no, she had this whole speech on how she wanted to make this book for her baby. To read to her when she’s old enough. Words from a loving mother for her newborn child, my goodness.” You stopped and sighed. “I know, but having to accept this means also putting your book on hold, you’ve been working on that for months now—is that really something you are willing to do?” Hye Jin reminded you on the other end. You stopped on your tracks, not saying a word and just looking blankly over the view from your living room. Thinking to yourself, ‘I can’t believe it’s summer already.’

Yoongi who have just woken up and is getting himself some water in the kitchen and were just looking intently at your back not particularly eavesdropping in your conversation, but just looking. You haven’t even realized he walked in.

“I know you, you’re just running away from this. You’ve been so scared of finally publishing something that is yours and yours only. So when a small window of opportunity presents itself you immediately took the ticket to leave.” Hye Jin, your editor who has became a good friend to you throughout these years, has always been good to you—she can so easily read you, too.

“You know for someone who’s actually trying to get pregnant for months now, you don’t seem to understand her feelings. Of course, I’m just here to help.” Weak argument on your end, you know she’s right when she said that you were running away. “You’re always there to help. But what about you? You know for someone who doesn’t want to have kids. I’m surprised you’re too adamant to do this.” Her statement made you laugh. “Have you changed your mind?” She added.

“I may not want kids, but I’m not heartless.”

And those were the last phrase Yoongi heard from you as we backed to his room.

Your conversation with Hye Jin went on for a couple more minutes only to end up with some sort of a compromise.

“You’ll need minimum 3-4 months, and probably maximum 6/7 months to wrap this all up? You need to get this done more quickly. That’s my only deal.” You sighed in defeat. “I’ll try.” Ending the call and waving the white flag. You too were also not sure of what you’re getting yourself into. Is it just you running away? Or is this the small part of you feeling guilty again.

“You’ll need minimum 3-4 months, and probably maximum 6/7 months to wrap this all up? You need to get this done more quickly. That’s my only deal.” You sighed in defeat. “I’ll try.” Ending the call and waving the white flag. You too were also not sure of what you’re getting yourself into. Is it just you running away? Or is this the small part of you feeling guilty again.

Weeks later, Yoongi’s packing up for their fishing trip that his friend, Jin insisted they would come. He felt like he has no choice but it might be good reason to go our for a change.

“Hey, I thought you said you guys were going camping? Why do you have your equipments with you… you poor corporate slave.”

He laughed at your remark. You’re still looking at his stuff all puzzled and confused by how heavy it all looks. You leaned on the kitchen counter as you watch him put his stuff out from his room.

You asked again, “Dont you think it’s a little too much? Cant you leave some stuff? Do you even have clothes in there? How bout food? Not important? Music is life?” He laughed. You’re good at making him laugh.

He finds all of your worrisome-sarcastic remarks endearing. He looked at you and said, “Look, it’s like you—you not taking your ipad everywhere you go. Or that small sketchbook you have. You draw every chance you get, you draw in the middle of lunch or while waiting for someone. And if not your ipad, you draw even on table napkins and ask the waiter for more. It’s the same for me.”

You let out a smile at his comparison.

“Okay okay, point taken mister. Point. Taken. But my ipad wont break my back—just saying.” You teasingly replied.

“Maybe i can leave some.” Looking at his bags and talking to himself as he puts some of his stuff back in his room and minutes later he’s done preparing for their camping tomorrow.

“All done?” You asked as you look over to a now somehow reduced luggage. “I’ll help you put some of it in your car.”

You carried with him some of his bags as he is the type to have everything ready before leaving.

As you walked down the stairs, just carrying the lightest possible baggage you could ever find. “You sure you have enough food in here?” Lifting the bag and shaking to hear whats inside. “I mean i know you can certainly whip anything and turn it into a meal but this looks like there’s just ramen in here.”

He finds you cute when you worry.

“We’ll do grocery tomorrow on our way, no worries.” That statement puts you at ease. You reached the ground floor and towards his car. “That sounds good. I mean—just incase the fishing thing wont work out. You know, like last time? There might be a lot of fish in the sea and then suddenly there’s none for you—i mean that in the most literal sense. Not just in women, you know—just incase.” Teasing him again and bringing up the time he went home from a fishing trip. He was so tired, they didn’t caught a single fish. And the trip was cut short and they all immediately went home. He declared then to never go with Jin again but I guess, he love that Hyung of him a lot to be packing all these for yet another fishing trip.

There’s a good sense of companionship between the two of you. The way you can always make him smile without even trying. The way you always tease him lightly. He’s known you for a while, has seen you with your friends and he knows that you’re just the warmest person—to everyone, not just to him. But it looks like something has been bothering you lately, he even offered if you wanted to go with him on their fishing trip, assuring you that Jin and Hoseok are good people and nothing bad will happen. But you respectfully declined. Not just because you don’t eat fish but because you just need some time alone. Not that Yoongi has ever been a bother to you in any way too but just alone would be nice, you thought.

Yoongi will be gone for the whole weekend and possibly be returning on Sunday afternoon. You don’t have any particular plans just work and then some more work. As soon as you’re both back into the apartment you asked, “You’re leaving tonight? At midnight?”

“Yeah around that time, why?” Yoongi confirmed.

“Nothing.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, as you stopped in front of the refrigerator to get yourself some coffee.

“Yeah, why won’t I be?”

“You do know you say that a lot.” Yoongi grabbed himself a glass and grabbed the pitcher in your hand and you just smiled. “There’s not much meat left in the fridge, couple of things are missing too. You want me to go to grocery before I leave?” Leaning in the kitchen sink and drinking your coffee. You let out a deep sigh unknowingly. “No, I’ll go. Don’t worry.” You left your empty glass onto the sink. “I’m just saying, I can go if you’re not up for it.” You shake your head to reassure him, “I don’t mind, okay? I’m going to be fine.” You walked passed him as you went to your room.

Yoongi definitely knows that something’s been bothering you for days. He doesn’t want to pry, if you don’t want to talk about it. He just keeps looking at you, just in case you want to talk—these days your mind has always been elsewhere and there’s just so much work to be done.

You wanted to say goodbye before he left but you fell asleep in the middle of the evening and woke up half past one. You went outside to check and it looks like he already left. You got yourself some water from the kitchen and there’s a post-it left in the fridge that says, “Got you some groceries, call me if there’s anything.” You opened fridge and he even refilled your ice creams. You know you couldn’t have a more thoughtful cat. Even when he went away for almost a week for work and you were dying from a sky high fever, you never really called him for anything. But he constantly reminds you that you always can.

Yoongi volunteered to drive this time for some odd reason. It’ll be an almost 2 hour drive from Seoul to Daejeon, he actually doesn’t mind driving and quiets enjoy it more than he’d ever admit. Everything is set, their fishing trip as orchestrated by his hyung, Jin and Hoseok who had no choice but to be dragged unto this trip. They’ve been his friends for the longest time, being in the same company who also works in the industry. Hoseok, a renowned choreographer and Jin, one of the company directors in his agency. He never would’ve agreed to yet another fishing trip if only Jin didn’t promised to have everything paid for and ready to go. He held Hoseok hostage though and so he has no choice but to go as well. Sleeping at the passenger’s seat they both drifted away as Yoongi drives.

They have gone to multiple fishing trips over the years, some where even overseas during their vacation and something wrong always turn out like the time they have to cut the trip short because they have been sitting in the boat for hours and they haven’t caught a single thing. The owner of the boat found it odd too.

But to Yoongi’s surprise everything’s turning out smoothly, on their second day of camping they were able to caught a lot of salmon and have it for dinner. Stuck in his own thoughts while grilling some salmon, Jin shouted. “Yoongi-ah! You’re burning it.” Immediately going back to reality, and thankfully saving the precious fish from burning. “What are you thinking about so deeply?”

“No it’s nothing, Hyung.” He replied as he kept tending to his almost burnt fish.

Once grilling is done they all gathered to have their dinner with some drinks. Soju and beer is always present and with Hoseok around to play some games. In the middle of all the silliness that is Jin and Hoseok and taking the game way too seriously for their own good. Jin asked Yoongi, “Why are you always staring at your phone?” He immediately hide it and said, “No nothing, hyung.”

“What are you thinking of again?” Knowing how Yoongi is sometimes, Jin pried as Yoongi kept looking distracted the entire trip. “Nothing, Hyung. Really.”

“Okay, it’s your turn.” Giving him his Nintendo, he eventually added “If this is about Hyuna, just let me know if you don’t want to work with her again. Maybe we can do something about it.” Yoongi let out a chuckle and drank a shot of soju. “Hyung it’s nothing really, it’s not about her either. The work is fine, we actually finished it sooner than I thought. You must have heard it already.” Jin eventually took the game from Yoongi replied, “I did, you guys were really professional about all this.”

“Of course.” Yoongi proudly replied as he sneaked a peek into his phone again. Unconsciously waiting for some call.

moodboard sr: x x x

[happys-crazy-queen22]

A True Love The Final Chapter

Gif credit @yourwonkywriter

Taglist. @nocturnalherb16 @leaalfred. @creepers-baby-girl. @jesseswartzwelder. @writerwithasoul. @glimmerglittergirl. @ilovetaquitosmmmm. @twistnet. @baylishh. @tomhardydallasstarsgirl. @spnaquakindgdom. @mayans-mc. @lovebennycolonmiguelgalindo. @withmyteeth. @miss-nori85. @mrsmarvelous1995. @believinghurts

While Nestor talked with his men. Miguel smoked his cigar with a smile on his face. He knew the Mayans had something to do with your disappearance. But he didnt know if they took you or if you ran off with one of them. That stumped him. But he would soon find out.

"Kill them all if you have too. They're no use to me". Miguel told Nestor.

"What about the deal we had with them? Alvarez isn't going to like that".

"You let me deal with Alvarez when the time comes. Just take them out and bring me her". Miguel eyed Nestor. Nestor nodded and went to do his job. He's never seen Miguel like this before willing to kill entire club for a girl when he could have anyone. He didnt understand.

So the plan was set, Ez would take Gilly and Riz with him to Pops to look after you and your family. Angel and the others would take the bodies and the girl they paid off to Nestor at the designated place and time. It all seemed to perfect. Everyone had a gut feeling this wasnt going to work but they all knew the risks.

"You protect her. If anything happens call me. Ill be right here". Angel hugged Ez before leaving.

"Dont worry about us. You be safe".

"So I'll see you when we get back"? Angel grabbed you by your belt loop, bring you close to him.

"Not if I see you first". You both chuckled. You played with his chain on his wallet.

"I'll be alright. Dont worry". He moved your chin up with his hand.

"I'm going to worry. I just need you back home safely. I want more sneaking around". You giggled.

"Oh we'll have to sneak around, here at pops. He has ears like a dog. Plus your moms here and your grandfather. He scares me by the way". Angel chuckled wrapping his arms around you.

"Just come back to me".

"I will. I love you".

"I love you too". Angel leaned down and kissed your lips. Maybe for the last time. He kissed you long and hard. Not wanting it to end.

"I have to go". Angel released your lips and your waist, he grabbed his helmet from Ez.

You blew Angel a kiss before getting into the truck. This might be the last time you see him. It scared you. It was like going into battle and never knowing if you're coming home.

Angel and his guys road off down the street. And you in the opposite direction. You couldnt let this be what it came too. Going into the unknown. You had a plan of your own.

Getting to Pops, he met you outside and greeted you. Your grandfather took a liking to him. He was a simple man and he liked that.

"You can have my room and I'll take the couch". He offered.

"That's kind of you but I cant throw you out on the couch. I'll sleep on the couch or I can just bunk with my little sister". You said with a laugh. She hated sharing a bed when you were kids. She'd hate it worse now.

"If you're okay with that. That's fine with me". He chuckled and went inside the house.

"Hey Ez, where's the bathroom"? You asked.

"Go past the kitchen and it's your first door on the left". He said bringing in the suitcases.

"Thanks". You walked past him and headed in that direction but you made a little detour to the back door and started running. You just hoped Angel hasnt got to Nestor yet.

Angel and the others flew down the highway. The truck behind them carried three bodies. Two male and one female. With a girl passenger in front. His mind raced. He wanted this to work. He needed it to work. He was kinda second guessing his choice. Maybe he should have chose to leave. But it was to late for that. They turned off to the place they were to meet Nestor.

There stood Nestor and five of his guys. Their guns in hand.

"What took you so long"? Nestor asked before they could get off their helmets.

"Had to chase this one down. She wasnt cooperating with us". Bishop started off.

"Was Y/N there"?

"There wasnt any sign of her. Her family said they hadn't seen her in years". Angel spoke up, taking off his gloves.

"They could be lying. Has she said anything"? Nestor pointed to the girl.

"No. We dont think she can talk".

"We dont pay you for your thinking. Get her out of the truck and put her in the van. Now". Nestor ordered.

"Where do you want the others"?

"Bury them here. As long as they're dead she has no place to to go". Nestor got back into his car and waited for them to finish up.

Angel, Coco and Creeper got the bodies out while Bishop watched Nestor making sure he didn't pull something over their heads.

Nestor watched them as they unloaded. He got on the phone to call his boss but Miguel didn't pick up. He figured he was having another one of his fits. Nestor wasnt okay with taking and killing the girl as she sat beside him. He figured he would let the mayans do the dirty work and kill her as well.

"Loza". Nestor barked at the presidente. Bishop went over to the car.

"Take care of her too. We dont need her after all". Nestor opened the door for the girl and she got out.

"What do you want me to do to her"?

"Kill her. She's a witness". Nestor said coldly.

"Fine. After all that hard work and tracking her down. You just want me to kill her"? Bishop had to make it convincing.

"Yes. Bury her with the others". Nestor rolled up his window and his driver took off down the road.

That's exactly what the mayans wanted.

"Here's four thousand. Creeper will drive you where you want to go. Dont come back here dont speak of this to anyone. Okay"? Bishop handed the girl a wad of cash and sent her off to Creeper.

"You think he'll buy it"? Angel came up behind Bishop.

"Yeah. We have this in the bag. Get these bodies buried and let's head out". Bishop ordered and the others started digging.

While Angel's problems seemed to go away, you had yours. Getting back to Miguel's was hard without a car. You had to sneak everywhere. Looking behind your back and watching over your shoulder. His guys were everywhere.

But then you saw the house. You knew a secret way to get in without being seen. It was your only way in and out without Miguel finding out. Going through the woods and finding the back door you sneaked in.

No one was around, which was suspicious. No noise or anything. That's when you knew Miguel knew you were coming.

"Welcome back, Mi Amor". His voice scared you as he came up behind you.

"You look well". You sarcastically said at his appearance. The bags under his eyes. The day old clothes.

"I've been worried about you. Where have you been"? He steps forward, you step back.

"Around". You kept your answers short.

"Well, I've looked everywhere for you. No one has seen you or heard from you. So you went willingly. Because there was no ransom or demands. Just your wedding ring". Miguel tossed your wedding ring at you.

"I needed to get away. I couldn't do this any more".

"Do what? Be loved and cared for. Get everything your heart desired".

"Be afraid of living my life. I couldn't with you. You controlled everything I did. Who I saw. What I wore. Everything. No one should live like that".

"So why did you come back? Maybe to save someone"? Miguel chuckled. You knew he figured that it was a mayan but not which one.

"I came back to end this. To tell you I want out".

"It's not that easy, sweet girl. You and I are joined until death". Miguel stepped forward and grabbed your arm. Squeezing you tight. Angel was going to he pissed once he seen the bruises.

"Let go". You gritted your teeth as you clawed his hand. He pulled his hand back and slapped you across the face. That was the first time he hit you and it was going to be the last.

Miguel jerked you to him by your wrist. "I gave you everything. A nice home. A man that loves you. Nice things. Anything you wanted you got". He yelled in your face.

"Not everything. I needed freedom and I needed someone to love. I never loved you. I have hated you since I met you. That was our wedding. I dreaded to be alone with you".

"You ungrateful bitch". Miguel went to raise his hand again but you saw the gun in his waistband and grabbed for it. He saw it too and went to get it. Both of you struggled for the trigger. It simply went off. Both of you were shocked but only one was shot. The gun fell to the ground and so did Miguel. A gun shot wound to his lower abdomen. Shock on your face.

You stood over him, watching the life drain from his eyes. You knew you should call the police but why they were on his payroll. So you went to the security room and deleted all the tapes for that day. Wiped away any evidence that you were there. Looking at the house one last time, you left all your belongings. All the pictures you had of your family. Everything you had was in there. But that didnt matter. You had Angel and your family back. That's what was precious. So you headed back to Pops. Angel was probably there already. Killing Ez.

"You had one fucking job to do and you screwed it up". Angel yelled at Gilly, Ez and Riz.

They looked all over for you before Angel got back. You were a ghost in the wind. Once again.

"I'm sorry. She couldn't have gone far. She has no car". Gilly piped up but regretted it when Angel gave a death glare at him.

Angel was so angry. He fought for you and now his little brother lost you. He was worried that one of Galindos guys picked you up or worse you're dead. But all his worries changes when he saw you coming up the driveway. Something about you changed. Your hair was free flowing and you had a smile on your face. Not a care in the world.

Angel ran to you, picking you up and twirling you around in the sun. You kissed him deeply with everything you had. He was finally yours and you were finally his.

You were no longer Mrs. Galindo. You were now who ever you wanted to be. No labels. Just free. Except for Angel he was the only one that had a hold on you and you weren't going to let him go.

Gif credit @angelreyesgirl.

THANK YOU ALL 😘🥰😍

[hxneekyuu]

dating headcanons || ennoshita chikara

request : N ONES REQUESTED FOR ENNOSHITA YET?? Excuse me ?? ENOSHITA GRR BARK BARK Boyfriend headcanon please because we all grrr for this man ( HC or text whatever floats your boat!)

warnings : i simp hard for ennoshita chikara

a/n : there is not nearly enough ennoshita love goin around on this blog

wait cut the cameras deadass

Ennoshita Best Boyfriend

hes got the sweet but savage disposition that suga has

and he deals with tanaka and noya 24/7 so you know his patience is through the roof

hes like the perfect mix of sweet boyfie your parents love and heinous best friend you cant live without

plus a little bit of bullying, tsukki style 

never in his life has missed a single good morning or good night text

hes got it down like a routine at this point

“brush teeth, wash face, text y/n” thats his life motto

always makes sure you eat all three meals even if he skips them sometimes bc hes forgetful like that but only about himself

will be So Upset if he doesnt get one kiss before school and one before practice 

it throws off his whole day

the second years are like whys he grumpy today

and hes just standing in a corner like “didntgetmykissdidntgetmykissdidntgetmykiss--”

if youre part of the second year squad too hes in trouble

you and nishinoya love yelling his name at a ridiculous volume and dragging him into unnecessary bs 

“BE CAREFUL RYU, CHIKARA MIGHT TAKE YOUR REGULAR SPOT”

“YEAH TANAKA, WATCH OUT FOR CHIKARA”

“y/n pls do not enable noya im begging you”

“C H I K A R A A A A A A”

he just has to accept that when youre with the whole group, your mission is to Drive Him Crazy

but youre honestly his biggest fan and he knows it

hes probably too embarrassed to give you his spare jersey for games 

but somehow you still manage to get your hands on it and he blushes every time he looks at you

big fan of lazy cuddling and manga reading

big fan

any time he doesnt have practice hes like “come over RIGHT NOW”

most people would be like oooh spicy times

youre just like “i brought my ENTIRE manga collection”

likes to have calm study dates with you after his chaotic group studies with the boys

he probably didnt even get any of his own work done bc he was too busy keeping everyone else in check 

but he knows youre calm and quiet and will just glue yourself to his back while he works 

if hes having a bad day hes just going to Appear wherever you are and make himself comfortable in your lap

you could be in the middle of a conversation with your friends and hes just like “hi hello dont mind me” and then he takes a whole ass nap 

it used to be weird, now theyre just like ah yes ennoshita has arrived 

and if youre having a bad day he can always tell

his eyes are so calm and his gaze is so comforting and it doesnt change at all when he looks at you, but hes an observant boy

one little lazy glance at you and hes like okay this was a great talk kiddos but i gotta get y/n home

youre like ?? did we make plans

“yeah, cuddle plans”

ugh gotta love ennoshita chikara 

[wisherbysharlight]

WHAT IF... SANDERS SIDES BUT MAKE IT A TROPEY TEEN BEACH AU

Endgame!LAMP. Dukeceit, Remile

Just 2k stream of consciousness words from a plunny that grew legs TW for v slight underage drinking, one joking mention of violence, and a non-specific discussion of intrusive thoughts

-Janus has just moved there because his parents wanted to start a new "adventure" and he is a Stereotypical Teenager. Very "ugh MOM I wanna go back to my FRIENDS for my LAST SUMMER BEFORE COLLEGE"(most of his friends suck. He should not spend time with them. He does not know this)

His Parents buy him a surfboard and tell him to try it out as a way to get him to Shut Up

Hes a Skater Boy(cue music) so he picks it up super fast from like,,, youtube videos

 -He gets told to Get a Job if he wants to like, keep buying surf gear?

All the local kids work at like one restaurant/yacht club type place right on the beach

Janus gets hired as a host

 -Logan is a beach badge checker, Patton, Roman, and Remus are beachfront restaurant waiters but Roman just Really Wants To Surf, Emile and Virgil are Lifeguards, and Remy is a bartender

 -Janus is Very Good At Customer Service because Fake Smiles

Patton recognizes this Immediately

He shows him the Rage Closet which is a tiny room with an arm chair that locks from the inside where you can punch a pillow on your break when it gets to be Too Much

-Janus is Attached now and there is no getting rid of him

Patton Fully Endorses this and introduces him to the rest of the group

Janus Knows Immediately that LAMP is In Love but says nothing because he aint no snitch

-Remus surfs, but he also always wear a thong while doing it

Roman wears a full wetsuit and somehow still gets Board Rash. Remus is somehow immune and it infuriates him

 -Janus, not knowing that the twins live right on the beach cuz they are RichTM: Hey Ree I kinda wanna learn how to surf would you be able to teach me 

Remus, who religiously watches Janus surf every morning, but is absolutely willing to play this game: Yeah absolutely

Patton, later: “lets rinse off at the twins they’re right here” Janus: theyre.... What?!

 -Meanwhile, elsewhere, Virgil and Roman are double teaming Logan to drag him into the water with them cuz he’s pouting about losing a debate with their manager about how he didn’t really be mean to the dudebro who wanted to get his buddies onto the beach without paying, he was just enforcing the rules. And if the dude was so offended by Logan’s Very Accurate Dragging that he complained to management then, well, that’s his problem not Logan’s

 -Logan is never without a book. Ever. And its always a different book. Janus is starting to think he owns a library

One day he is just... reading a Physics textbook. Not taking notes or anything. Just reading. 

Roman is Very Very Alarmed by this because he is Gay and Math is Scary

"Roman I'm also gay that is not a determining factor"

"Yeah but you can't drive"

"...fair"

 -the first time janus has a shift with the twins, he cant stop staring, not just because hes like,,, super attracted to Remus but also because they are like Chaos Incarnate and yet somehow get the most tips??? He doesn't understand???

It's just cuz they are both Huge Flirts and Flatterers and the patrons dont care that they're not-so-subtly beating the shit out of each other right there on the dining floor because theyre just so charming

 -one of the bartenders gets aggressively snapped at by a customer and called "sweetheart" and before Janus can even begin to react Remy is there, sunglasses off, fire in his eyes, telling them to settle their bill and get the fuck out

Janus, used to City Restaurants- "Wont you get in trouble with the owner?!"

Remy, who knows Nothing Else But This- "What?? Not likely I only did it cuz Thomathy wasnt here to do it himself"

 -the restaurant is closed Monday and Tuesday so that is the Pseudo Weekend for the staff where everyone hangs out at the beach

Emile and Virgil take Tuesdays off but still work Monday’s cuz they feel better being the one watching over their friends

 -Roman, staring at Virgil on the lifeguard stand: ugh he’s so pretty I almost wish I was drowning just so he could give me cpr 

Janus: you wanna potentially get your ribs broken just for lip contact? 

Remy, staring at Emile on the lifeguard stand: listen, if that’s what it takes, I’ll take it

Remus, immediately going up to the lifeguard stand because he has 0 impulse control: hey my brother and cousin want you to break their ribs 

Virgil and Emile: excuse me?????

 -Patton will literally spend hours in the water. Logan physically drags him out to put sunscreen on him every two hours to the minute. Patton does not admit that he purposely "forgets" just so Logan will do so

Logan is Dark and has never used sunscreen ever but Patton is so pale and he just gets so concerned about him. Patton thinks its adorable

He has pages of research on proper spf determination.

Roman and Remus use spf 15 just on their faces and have never once burned in their lives

Logan wants to submit them for scientific study because that shouldnt be possible

Virgil calls Logan out on the fact that he also should be wearing sunscreen and Logan like... blue screens he cant believe in all his research he missed that

 -Patton is like... a ridiculously strong swimmer. Virgil still has a heart attack every time he goes for laps when there is the slightest hint of an undertow

Patton Knows This so he tries to stay in Virgil's sight line for the most part if there is an undertow. Or just dives over the waves again and again.

His nickname is Ariel. He thinks its just cuz of the swimming and the fact hes a red head. LAP all separately also tack on that its the swimming, the red hair, and the hnng pretty 10/10 would follow out to sea ala Prince Eric

 -first beach bonfire Janus goes to Remy is Fully In Emile's Lap like... half an hour in

he has had like maybe a sip of a beer

Remus says he still claims this is because he is a Clingy Drunk

no one will call him on it, least of all Emile

 -there is truth or dare. Roman may or may not skinny dip you have no proof

 -Logan gets infuriated that he cannot roast a marshmallow properly

Patton does it perfectly every single time but its ok cuz he shares and Logan eats it right from his fingers and Roman and Virgil are just in the background Trying and Failing not to be the Most Jealous

Patton thinks theyre upset they didn't get marshmallows and makes some for them too and there is lots of Significant Eye Contact involved

Janus is going to spontaneously combust if they don't get their shit together

 -Janus is out walking on the beach one night on a full moon cuz he cant sleep with everything so quiet around here when he sees a bright green patch out in the water and goes ...wait

he calls out to Remus and he comes into shore and is like "waves are perfect at night you should join me" so janus goes back and gets his board and they surf and chat for like the entire night

Janus finds out Remus couldn't sleep cuz intrusive thoughts were keeping him awake

Janus listens and doesn't judge, just lets Remus talk it out

They go back to shore and fall asleep on the sand next to each other like mid sentence still talking, now about whatever creative business idea Remus had, and get woken up by Logan's morning rounds like "come on guys you know you're not allowed to sleep out here" but they dont care theyre both just *blushing emoji*

-Logan Always Has A Notebook right? And a regular book he reads. And everyone assumes they are like Notions and Observations, but no, it’s actually blank paper and he uses it to sketch and then one day he leaves it behind and someone either Virgil or Patton finds it and flips through it and it’s all sketches of them and Roman and they’re like??? Actually really good? Anyway that’s how they find out Logan is actually minoring in art even though he’s majoring in something Very STEM 

And he never told his best friends because like almost all his pre college art is Them and he doesn’t want to be caught having Feelings and by the time it gets to college it’s been too long and he can’t tell them now 

Roman takes one of the sketches of him surfing and makes it his profile picture on All Social Media He Has and Logan is so flustered he nearly breaks his damn phone

Patton is so offended he didn’t get invited to Logan’s first showcase that he doesn’t talk to him for like two whole hours 

Virgil quietly asks if there is any art of all four of them, finds out there is, and makes a print and keeps it on his bedside table

 -They are all Pining Outwardly Now and its Worse

 -Remus : you have known them since pre-k please ask them out I beg of you 

Roman: You just dont get it 

Remus: I asked Janus out after 4 weeks what is your problem

 Emile: Virgil, I love you, you are my Partner in Anti-Drowning but you are so stupid 

Virgil: What???? All I said is that you and Remy are really cute and I'd love to be in a relationship like that 

Emile: I am not a violent person, Virgil, but I have the strong urge to smack you

 Patton, in the Rage Closet: They're all just so hOT and ReSPEctFUL 

Janus, waiting for his turn, trying to act like he cant hear him: I Am Looking Elsewhere

 Logan: I just don't understand why they were more upset that I didn't tell them than that I'd been making art of them for years?? Shouldn't that second part be worse??

Remy, who has been partial to Every Single One Of AMP Waxing Poetic About Logan: Yeah, no idea /s

 -the twins get into a surfing competition as a pair and everyone goes to see them and support them

Thomas airs the competition on every tv in the restaurant cuz he’s Proud of his Bois

They WIN cuz they are Creative and Talented and came up with all sorts of crazy tricks while they were fucking around in the water but it earns them Major Bonus Points for originality

 -Roman does the run off the podium and into Love’s arms trope with just like... whoever’s closest lets go Patton because he is a Waif and forced himself up front so he can see

The other two are Devastated because well shit but then Roman pushes through the crowd, still holding Patton’s hand, and gives them this smile and is like “remember in like second grade when we said we’d do everything together and made a pact on this beach”

Analogical: uhhhhhh yeah

Roman: holding you both to it. No take backs. This counts. Now kiss me, dammit, we WON and they DO MANY TIMES AND ITS REAL CUTE

 -Meanwhile dukeceit have Mysteriously Disappeared and No One wants to be the ones to go find them. They show back up, eventually. Janus has a branch in his hair and remus' hair is sticking straight up and when he opens his mouth roman glares at him and tells him in no uncertain terms that they do not want to know

 AnYWaY these are my children and I will gladly answer any questions about them. I left out Janus Backstory and Creativitwins Angst and Many Individual LAMP Scenes and Remile/Dukeceit getting together and Epilogue but can absolutely provide such things on request

[starryfreckles]

Flavie and Ayumi Live (26 mai 2020 on YouTube francetv slash) 

Translation/Summary -

(I apologise in advance for the typos. i didnt really read this over tbh)

Interviewer: Where are you at the moment?

Flav: I’m at home, in my room

Ayumi: I’m at my country house in my room. [Her friend joined her there when deconfinement happen and now they’re living their best life. There’s sun and everything is good]

Flav is chilling “la vida loca” she says

Is it not too frustrating to live this 6th season in confinement and SKAM France has a reputation of having very involved fans and with the screenings?

A: Yes, its very frustrating but then again it’s something that I haven’t really lived the projections with the fans so I dont know what it does. But just the feedback of social media is incredible. Its a good preview at what can happen in a live screening.

F: Yea I agree. It is frustrating but seeing everyone on social media is kind of reassuring and comforting and like Ayumi said, we dont know that [the screenings] so its not that frustrating.

what kind of reactions have you guys had on social media?

[flav and ayumi arguing who goes first. Its the cutest thing ever. Flav always wants ayumi to go first]

A: Just love and positivity. On my end is really incredible. I thank everyone. It’s really just incredible.

F: Its so wonderful. At night, I really try to read all the dms on instagram and even if I cant respond to everyone, know that I read everything and I translate everything that isn’t in French. If I  were to reply to everyone, it would take a long time so that’s not possible. I dont speak all the languages of the world so I copy and paste is translate to understand.

-video cuts out-

I: we were talking about fan reactions so let’s continue. Have you gotten any that made you surprised, laugh, smile, made you emotional, etc?

A: what is beautiful is that ive gotten many messages from girls and boys who said that they had similar a similar relationship to Lola and Maya in the sense that one helps the other more because of addiction problems. And that’s always nice to hear that they just wanted to thank skam for writing and portraying this kind of story. And of course the reaction of la mif. It’s true the character Jo has been loved by fans. She is so funny and so great and she’s [actress who plays jo, louise] really like that in real life. Like literally from A to Z

Flav agrees.

A: “Louise just played Louise” and it’s just so funny. And everyone online says they want to be friends with jo becuase she made this joke pr did that but she’s really like that.

F: she’s always joking

A: and she just comes up with stuff on the spot

I: we really just can’t wait to see La Mif reunite and see how they are in real life because they are just awesome on screen.

Flav and ayumi agree

I: Maya’s arrival to the season that was a little intense, let’s not lie, is like a ray of light. What does that do to you for having that role of the character who brings light and wonder? (This is kinda hard to translate)

A: its incredible to bring that kind of message, like you said, this light. She is totally this kind of girl that I would love to be friend with. It’s hard to explain. It’s just so beautiful. Maybe flav has something to say.

F: it’s true that you and La Mif brought a light for everyone. Even me when I see my family and close ones they say that they are so funny and new and that they felt my pain [as lola] even if its a show and its feels weird to see you like that because you’re close to us but seeing them [lola + la mif] is a good mix. And ayumi you bring so much like when your face lights up when Lola comes up the stairs its incredible.

A: its a chemical reaction. Its incredible. But flav I saw you on screen and everything that you brought, what David saw. And we lived it but for us it seems natural and on screen and rediscovered the characters and the chemistry at the same time as everyone else.

Flav and Ayumi saying that they havent seen the whole thing before hand and are constantly check their phone for new clips. They have the notifications for the YouTube channel.

F: we at least have the hours for the clips AT LEASTT and thankfully

A: which flav sent me because I didnt have them and she left me panicked for 2 weeks and then she finally sent them over.

F: its great. They’re on my fridge and I cross off each day with my parents and we are one it. My dad everyday is like there’s a clip. So funny.

I: Just so we’re on the same page, there’s a clip today right?

I: [fan question] what do you love the most and the least in the character you play?

A: flav please start

F: I love her “who the fuck are you talking to me like that” and her fuck you attitude. I love that she shows off that nothing moves her but deep down not really, like everyone I guess. I love that about her and she’s so natural. I love her, I really love her. Something negative. That’s hard.

I: you are a very happy, bubbly person. Is there not her depressed, dark side that bothers you?

F: well lola is just full of emotions where we’re going to see everything. But really what I dont like is her fashion sense.

A: im dead. But I was going to say the same thing

F: maya’s fashion sense? You are crazy. And also girl it’s your clothes they used as costumes

A: no no but people have made edits with you know the big pink coat or my outfit at the supermarket and its there that I realised how ridiculous even if they not really.

F: well I think theyre great. Love the pink coat

A: ill send it to you with fedex. I dont have it but ill send it to you.

F: when we were doing costume fittings I told the costume designer that it was simple and that I would be stealing all of these looks. Im going to take a suitcase, im going to take ayumi’s clothes, put them in my suitcase and go back to Vance with them. And I took nothing from lola by the way. She just doesn’t have a style. She doesn’t neglect herself but its her I dont care attitude, again.

A; I love maya’s engagement and her will towards everything and everyone. Shes a teenager but that’s beautiful to be engaged in many causes. She just really wants everyone, her friends, to be well and happy. But otherwise things I dont like outside of her clothes I dont know. Clothes is like the best answer

F: you forgot about her makeup. The makeup artist did her eyeliner and dots under the eyes and I was there like do the same thing with me!

A: that is really the best thing in all of humanity. It was so cool.

F: honestly. The makeup artist gave everything on you but on me she went in the morning like poof poof ‘well that’s it honey, there’s nothing else I can do for you’

A: you forgot the drama hair!

F: oh my god. She would pour oils and everything you want on my head. “You could like cook French fries”

A: flavie says that but you know she can wear whatever she wants and still look good

F: awe I love you

I: Did the age difference between you hinder your ability to be friends?

A: no not at all. What do you think flav?

F: not at all. Im just the baby of the group, im the youngest but we all so dumb together that we don’t realise

A: exactly. We all act like we’re 7

F: all of us together is horrible. The whole mif. Intolerable.

I: how was youre guy’s first meet?

F: ok let me tell you from my point of view because its quite funny.

A: she was so annoying. She looked at me all weird. she was not cool No that’s not true at all. She was adorable. Trop cute

F: I arrive to the production offices and im with David signing contracts and he says don’t move I have a surprise. And im like oh no what has he brought me a croissant or something and he brings back ayumi. So we start talking for like 10 minutes and I did not who she was actually. And I was like who tf is this. I did not know. And im one point im like so she’s the one who plays Maya? It was so funny. It was cool. And then he brought Maxence

A: from my point of view, flavie was so shy and locked off. And I knew who she was and I was honoured and thrill. She was so small and closed off. But honestly NOT AT ALL. i quickly understood the next day that flavie is a bomb! You understand ?

F: at first maybe you were like “I just want to protect this little thing.”

I: so what was the first scene that you guys filmed together?

Ayumi makes it clear that it’s a scene that hasn’t been released yet. And Flavie can’t remember what it is.

A: flav, you are putting our whole relationship in question!

F: I just dont know!

A: ok but the second scene we did together was the scene of Saturday morning after the first urban party

F: OHHH you right! I remember now!

I: but that’s a great scene that fans loved because of the chemistry and people loved it. How did you create that complexity? Was it the writing or did you try to meet up on your own?

F: honestly, not that much because the problem is that I live in Vance. We really tried to see each other but trains made it difficult to see each other just us two, but it still worked somehow. We worked a lot with David but not so much just us too and yet we still manage to create something really strong and powerful.

A: in between scenes we also just talked all the freaking time. And by the time David said action, it was like we just finishing our conversation in the scene.

F: every morning we were always happy to see each other and we didn’t see each other that much but that honestly wasn’t a problem at all.

I: in the YouTube comments, everyone is slightly making fun of flavie for living so “far”

A: [also starts making fun of flavie] oh yea yea basically 45 minutes.

F: BY TRAIN! By car its like 2 hours and a half, so sorry.

A: you don’t even have a driver license! So you have to take the train!

F: alright I almost have my drivers license! Soon supposedly! And don’t worry ill come pick you up in my ride!

Ayumi makes more fun of Flavie for her hours of driving and her basically driving illegally (in France you can only drive at 18 and flav is 17)

I: what was the most difficult scene to film for you?

F: well im not gonna answer. I can’t answer

A: honestly I dont have any. Oh wait yes yes yes! I just remembered. Flav you do know! It’s the scene where I tell you that ive missed you.

F: oh right! You were sick right!

A: yea I had shrimp for lunch. Bad shrimp and in the scene im in process of dying. I have never been in more pain and discomfort.

F: and I was like why is she angry at me? What did I do?

A: and flav is like are you okay and thank god you were there flav because she was telling me breathe and take it slow. It was the difficult

F: for me the most difficult that we’ve seen is was hard because of weather conditions. It was so cold on the whole set but it was the one where we were around the fire and jo sees eliott for the first time, the first urbex party. We were getting fire embers in our eyes so we were all crying and complaining. It was awful. Louise was actually crying so so hard.

A: it was so funny. Louise was actually crying and was joking at the same time whilst crying. We were laughing so hard.

The say that night was still a lot of fun and then they all went to Quentin’s apartment [actor who plays sekou] and the ambiance on set is better than on screen. It was a lot of fun

A: la mif always has a great time, messing around

F: David would say “FOCUS FOCUS”

I: it was mid November, and we all know skam france shooting is very intense and fast. So David was like a police officers. We cant wait to see the behind the scenes. David in the comments says thank you to all the extras who were there until 4am

F:  oh yea honestly. Thank you– just thank you

A: oh yea flav thanks for that. Its great.

I: we know there’s a clip today with a reunion. And fans are expecting a kiss. Are we getting that moment today?

(Silence)

A: listen if there is a kiss, it will happen at a perfect moment

I: there is a lot of pressure on this kiss becuase there are so many people from the LGBTQ+ community who are saying that this kind of relationship is rarely seen on screen. Do you feel the need to do good?

F: its so well written and directed that we do want to do really well. Ok your turn

A: the want to do good, of crows but its already something we want to do. We are not forcing ourselves, because its already there.

They say that its sad for the time being that they have to continue to fight for rights in the LGBTQ community and Ayumi says that with SKAM its all going to change. They always get lovely messages thanking them.

They talk about the ship name and how fans have decided that is going to be Mayla. Ayumi is happy that its Mayla. Flav wanted Loyla. Ayumi says it was their first “fight” and they weren’t agreeing. Even la mif voted on the ship. It was heavily debated.

I: Are we right to have so much faith in Mayla or are you going to break our hearts?

F: for that you’ll have to keep watching

A: well said flav

F: l’amour gange toujours

I: what is next for you two?

F: not much. Im seeing friends at a distant. Stay safe. I was starting to miss my social life. Not going out too much because I really dont want to get “this vicious/awful thing” so yea “la vida loca”

F: project wise everything is on pause but im on a good path. Crossing my fingers. If it happens it happens. Its destiny

A: its destiny. Same thing. There was a movie that stopped before quarantine and won’t start again but there are castings. Until filming starts again, we are all waiting.

I: it’s funny, everything something is said, it gets translated in the comments in five or six languages. Have you taken something from your character and have you left them something?

A: her joy to live at everything. And give her my body to just exist

F: what I took, well nothing. I gave her 7kg more. Well actually I took from her 7kg. That’s it!

I: who forgets their lines the most?

F: ME! But you too kinda. You just talk SOOO fast you start to stutter

A: I talk too fast and then I stutter and it was so cold that that doesn’t help. So in front of flavie, she really made fun of me.

F: I didnt always forget but sometimes when its really long I forgot.