#i cant do this anymore i need all that news fresh off the press

[the-golden-kingdom]

thats it i need to use twitter again. i only just saw the dungeon meshi next episode sneak peak and the golden kingdom part at the end damn near gave my a heart attack

[calcifermovesthecastle]

Sharing a Moment

Tooth Rotting Sanji Fluff. Hurt/Comfort. Whole Cake Island spoilers if you squint.

2460 ish words

Warnings: Panic attacks, mentions of past trauma, mentions of burns, mentions of Slavery.

This is actually an excerpt from my self insert one piece google doc, but I turned it into a reader insert. Character is afab, uses she/her pronouns, and is described with breasts. I do not shy away from "controversial" topics and do not censor any of my work. this does not mean that I condone or agree with the things that I write about.

This is what I do instead of therapy lmao.

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Sharp, uneven breaths pierce through the silence that surrounds you on the island. Your transponder snail sleeps peacefully on the ground, your hands trembling too violently to pick it up. 

Your head swims, and each new breath you take is shorter and sharper than the last. You squeeze your eyes shut tight, scrambling backwards on the forest floor. 

"I'm gonna find you, bitch!" The words aren't real, but they echo in your head nonetheless. You press your back up against the large tree you're under, clawing at the collar of your shirt around your neck. The night seems to close further in on you. 

You weren't lost. Not at first. You started out on the beach, picking through shrubs and bushes to resupply Chopper with some fresh herbs and plants. The rest of the crew's voices had faded away, dispersing in their own searches, leaving you alone in yours. The deeper you got into the woods, the darker it got, and the more anxious you felt. The more your mind began to race. 

Suddenly, you weren't a straw hat anymore. Suddenly, just like that, the shackles tightened around your neck and wrists, and your master calls after you, screaming all of the horrible things he'd do to you once you were found. 

Your transponder snail continues to snooze on the ground in front of you, a mocking reminder that you can call for help at any time, if you could just get out of your own head. 

"When I find you, I'm gonna gut you like an animal! You'll fucking wish you were dead when I'm done with you!" 

Oh, how you wish you would breathe quieter. Your head throbs and your vision swims, the lack of air and the blood pounding in your ears making you lightheaded. At this point, passing out seems like a blessing. 

"Do you want your hands set on fire again?! Or would you rather I stick them in boiling oil?" 

"No!" You manage to gasp out. You claw more at your shirt collar, ripping the fabric apart down past your breasts. A heavy, loud sob bursts past your lips, and all you can hear is your own rapid heart beat. 

Then, clear as a bell, you hear someone say your name. 

Your eyes fly open, chest heaving as you look around for the source, and stare up at Sanji, who's rounded the tree and is staring at you with eyes just as wide. Your voice gets caught in your throat, but your body almost buckles in relief. 

You cant seem to calm yourself down, though, and your throat constricts again, the ghost of that awful collar tightening around you. You pull your torn shirt even further away from you, your hands trembling so violently you have to grasp at it multiple times. 

Sanji crouches in front of you, shrugging his blazer off, not breaking eye contact once. 

"Sweetheart, would you like to go back to the ship?" 

You nod, bawling loudly. Sanji nods, never breaking his eye contact with you. He looks at you as if you'll run from him at any second.

"Okay, I'll take you home. I need you to calm down first, okay?" 

"I cant-" You choke out, taking another short, sharp breath in.

"Okay, I'll help you." 

Ever so gently, Sanji reaches out and pulls you close, resting his chin on top of your head. He takes your hands in his and squeezes, taking slow, steady breaths that you're supposed to mirror. It takes a few tries, but finally, your breathing returns to normal and your head stops swimming. Though you're still shaking, you're back to reality, and you know that you're okay. 

"Are you ready?" 

You had no idea Sanji's voice could sound so tender. Your lower lip trembles as you nod, and he gently pulls you to your feet, draping his blazer over your shoulders. 

When he pulls his hands away, you reach out to him, your voice breaking. 

"Don't go away." 

That's funny, you meant to say "Don't let go." Sanji's eyes widen briefly, but they soften just as quick, and he wraps his arm around your shoulders as soon as he's picked up your transponder snail and put it in the blazers pocket.

"I'm not going anywhere, Sweetheart," He says quietly. "I've got you." 

Slowly, he guides you through the woods back to the Sunny. You lean heavy on him, gripping the fabric of his blazer in your hands as tightly as you can to feel grounded. 

"Please don't tell the others," you whisper. Your eyes swim with more tears as shame blooms through your whole body. Sanji squeezes you firmly. 

"I wont. If they ask, I'll just say you got lost and called me to come get you." 

"Thank you," You rest your head against the side of his chest, listening to his heart beat. 

Another wave of relief floods your body when you finally land eyes on the Sunny. Sanji helps you up the first few rungs of the ladder, then starts climbing up after you. Once on board, you follow him to the kitchen, sitting at the table. 

He doesn't ask why, doesn't prod more information out of you, he just sets a warm mug of tea in front of you, ruffles your hair, and gets started on dinner. 

The warm lighting in the kitchen helps to soothe your frayed nerves, so you sip on the tea, mindfully taking slow, deep breaths. Sanji's company proves to be very grounding as well, so while he cooks, you slip your burn gloves off and stare at your hands.

Chopper has done a phenomenal job repairing some of the scarring. He's also helped you gain a ton of function back. But the flesh is still mangled badly, and the nerve damage is majorly irreparable. You can grasp and hold things, but your fine motor skills are gone. There's no getting that back. You open and close your fingers, grateful for the movement you have gained back. 

But the damage is still there. The pain of it is seared into the back of your mind forever. you frown, lost in thought. 

"Your tea is getting cold, d'you want me to heat it back up for you?" 

You jump, looking at Sanji with wide eyes. His eyes go from your face to your hands, and you can see his brow furrow behind his hair. He puffs on his cigarette and sits down next to you, reaching out and grasping them before you can pull away. 

Since they've been burned, nobody has touched your bare hands. You've always kept the gloves or bandages on, for fear that it would hurt too much otherwise, or trigger a bad reaction in you. 

But Sanji's hands don't do either. They feel cool, and the pressure is comforting. You stare wide eyed down at where your hands are, your heart stuttering in my chest. 

"You have beautiful hands," He says quietly. Your eyes fly to his face, but he doesn't look at you, he just studies your hands, turning them over in his own. 

"Don't lie," You whisper. It's barely audible, but he shakes his head. 

"I'm not lying. They really are beautiful." He says it with such conviction it makes your heart clench. 

"Look at you, you're fucking worthless, you pig bitch. You can't even serve me right with those fucked up hands of yours. Clean this fucking mess up and get the fuck out of my room so I dont have to look at how disgusting your hands look." 

"The scars on them don't mar the way they look," He continues. "They're quite striking." 

He sits and admires them for a few more minutes, and you stare at him, your eyes as wide as dinner plates, your face flushed red. 

You can feel butterflies in your stomach as he runs his thumb along one of the longer scars, humming. When he looks up at up at up at you, he smiles. 

"I guess I just never noticed." 

"Nobody," You whisper, for fear that your voice may break again. "Has ever said anything so kind about my hands." 

Sanji tilts his head, puffing on his cigarette. When he speaks again, his tone is tender. 

"Sweetheart, you should stop worrying so much. Nobody is ever going to hurt us again. Not like this." 

He squeezes your hands, ruffles your hair again, and gets up to check on dinner. 

Us?

Wait. Us?

"Sanji, what do you-" 

"Did you want me to reheat your tea?" He asks, as if he didn't hear you. You blink, glancing down at your cup. 

"Uh, sure. That would be really nice." 

Humming, he reheats your tea for you, then pulls some vegetables out. You put your gloves back on and pull his blazer tighter around your body. 

"Sanji?" 

"Hm? What is it?" 

"Could I have a cigarette?" 

He turns his head towards you, frowning. He sees how tense you are, how shaky your breath still is, and closes his eyes. 

"Just this once. These things are bad for you, you know." 

"I know," You smile slightly. He jerks his chin up once. 

"They're in the left pocket in my jacket. Just one, ya hear?" 

You heed his words, thanking him when he lights it for you. The first few puffs you take are followed by very harsh, loud coughs, but the next few burn less in your throat and lungs. It's a nice distraction. 

The rest of the crew still isn't back by the time you finish the cigarette, but you're not ready to be by yourself just yet, so you stay in the kitchen with Sanji. You finish your tea, and eat the food he puts in front of you, and when they're still not back after you've finished eating, you rest your chin in your hands and watch as Sanji continues to work in the warm yellow glow. By the time Luffy bursts in demanding dinner, you've fallen asleep at the table. 

"Hm? What's she doing here?" He asks, prodding at you gently. Sanji smacks his hand away, shooing him out of the room. 

"She got lost and called me to find her on the transponder snail. You get out and go sit in the lounge with everyone else for your dinner. She already ate." 

Luffy looks at you, frowning slightly, but concedes to letting you sleep for now. He bounds out of the room, yelling for everyone to go to the lounge so they can eat. 

You jerk awake sometime later, the shadow of a nightmare fading from your mind, leaving in its wake a sense of uneasiness and the deep seated need to not be alone. 

There is no light coming from the porthole, but the swaying of the ship tells you that we're back to sea. You stand up, steadying yourself with the table, and exit the kitchen. 

You hold Sanji's jacket tightly around you, climbing the ladder up to the crows nest. The smell of smoke tells you that that's where you'll find Sanji. 

Sure enough, he's standing with elbows resting on the ledge of the crow's nest as he stares out at open water, tapping his cigarette against the ashtray perched next to him. You walk straight over to him and wrap your arms around him from behind. 

He doesn't say anything, but turns slightly so he can wrap one of his arms around you. You press your ear against his chest, searching for his heartbeat. When you find it, you close your eyes and focus on it. 

For a while, the only noise is your breathing, his heartbeat, and the sounds the ocean makes. You're grateful for how expertly Sanji seems to handle you when you're at this low point, how he seems to know exactly what you need. How instead of fawning over you, he stays collected and steady and oh so kind and tender. You tighten your hold on him, closing your eyes. 

"I'm sorry," You murmur.

"What for?" He responds, just as quiet. You breathe out, tears welling up in your eyes. 

"Being such a fucking mess." Your voice breaks, and a quiet whimper escapes your throat for what feels like the umpteenth time tonight. "Sanji, everything came flooding back. I'm not strong enough to pretend I'm okay, and I don't know how I'm going to hide it from everyone. I don't want to be a mess. I don't want my past to control me but it does. Just when I think I've got a good handle on it, something triggers it, and I don't know what to do to stop myself from shutting down. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 

His hand reaches up to stroke your hair as you cry, and after a while he pulls away from you, squeezing an arm in each hand and crouching to your eye level. 

"Sweetheart, you cant change what happened to you. And it's still so recent for you that of course you're going to have days where it's harder for you to feel normal. You're going to have days where it feels like it's all a dream, and you're still stuck in those shackles. I saw you, that first day. Remember?" 

You nod, weeping openly. 

"You may not think so, but you are doing so much better than you were. He cant hurt you anymore. Say it." 

"H-he can't hurt me anymore." 

"Again." 

"H-he can't hurt me anymore." 

"That's right. He can't. But it's going to take time, right? You can know that there is nothing he can do to get to you. You can know that you're free. But it's going to take time for you to believe it. That's part of healing. So don't be sorry for your bad days. We understand, more than you could ever know."

Something distant clouds Sanji's eye, but it's gone before it takes form. Weakly, you reach your arms out to him, asking for a hug. He pulls you close, careful not to hold you too tight. 

"He can't hurt me anymore," You blubber. You feel him nod. 

"That's right." 

"I'm safe." 

"That's right." 

"I'm free." 

"You're free, love." Sanji tightens his grip on you for a moment, exhaling. "Would you like to lie down in bed?"

"Mhmm" You sniff. Truthfully, you'd rather stay awake with him as long as possible, but your body is so tired that you know there's no fighting the sleep that's coming. "But please don't leave me all alone up here." 

"I'm not going anywhere," Sanji says. A sharp wind blows by, causing both of you to tense. You shrug his jacket off, holding it out to him. 

"Since I'll be under the covers," You say hoarsely, "I suppose you could have your jacket back." 

He laughs, taking it and putting it back on. "I'm honored."

You smile back, getting cozy in bed. Sanji watches you, turning back around when your head finally hits the pillow. It's not long until you're out, your soft snores falling on his ears while he watches the night sky.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

OH ANTONI 🥺🥺🥺 my poor baby. I hope he will find it within himself to come clean to Jake or SOMEONE about this :((((

(((ALSO CANT WAIT FOR MORR))))

One Two Three Four Five Six

CW: Wound cleaning, burns, touch aversion, aftermath of torture, BBU, conditioned fucky headspace

"Lift your chin for me," she commands, and he doesn't really remember that he could choose not to obey.

Antoni dutifully shifts, his eyes moving to roam over a line of framed photographs along the wall behind her. A wedding photo, faded with time, a much, much younger version of the woman currently dabbing a cotton ball dipped in something cold and stinging to the fresh burn on his throat with a man he's never seen. The two of them are smiling, holding hands, looking right into the camera.

Bright white wedding dress turned cream with yellowing paper, with time, covered in lace. Powder-blue tuxedo. Brilliant smiles.

She touches the cotton ball to his skin and he hisses, hands tightening where they grip the edges of the chair he's sitting on. The sting rockets through him, only a pale echo of the original pain, but it's enough.

It's enough.

Fuck, that's hot.

He catches the sob before it can leave his throat, forces the burn behind his eyes to stay there and not turn into tears. He will not cry over this again.

Not now.

"There we go, just a bit more," She says, her voice gruffly compassionate. She presses a small rounded bandage against his throat, her fingertips are warm against his neck.

His skin crawls at even this slight, indirect touch, but he doesn't protest.

He wouldn't dare.

"All done. That's not s'bad, I think with a good bandaging it won't scar half so bad as all its little friends down south," She mutters, more to herself than him, really.

Where her fingers touch, he feels the echoes of other hands around his throat. Thicker fingers, heavy with rings. Smiling down at him.

Beg for me, love.

"Please-" It's automatic. He's drifting, in and out of this old kitchen that still looks like it must have looked thirty years ago, when the man in the wedding photo would still be here maybe cooking or cleaning or chatting up a storm to anyone who popped by for a visit.

"Hm? You say something, sweetheart?" Miss Ruth looks at him, and those dark eyes are shrewd. They know more than anyone is supposed to, they know things Nat hasn't told her. Hasn't had to.

"Ah, no," He whispers. "Just. I am very tired."

"No doubt. I'll finish these up and you can get back to your own bed and no doubt you'll be glad to get there." She looks him over, and his eyes dance to hers and away again. Back to the photos.

He sees a family photo, the two people from before and a daughter and son. Everyone is smiling, looking carefully just off to the side. They wear matching outfits.

"Get a look at 'em?"

There's a 35th wedding anniversary picture with a big banner behind the happy couple. The two people, much older, stand in front a cake nearly as tall as they are, surrounded by others. Everyone in the photo smiles in sort of the same way.

The next photo is a birthday, he thinks. There's a boy and a young baby in the photo, and the man from wedding and anniversary photo isn't there. Miss Ruth, holding her grandbaby he thinks, is wearing all black. The photo was taken in a church, and there's a spray of white lilies just visible at the edge of the picture.

Another, with Jaden, who Chris plays basketball with. The kid who more or less effortlessly opened his life for Chris when Chris badly needed a friend his own age, or closer to it, to remember what being a kid was like.

He is reading, in images, the story of this woman's adult life. Marriage, and death, and birth. Children. Life going on.

A life he won't have, that he gave up every possibility of having, because of... of whatever is inside him that Mr. Davies knew about, that the people who just hurt him could see in him even though he cannot see it himself.

He must look like someone who deserves to be hurt.

"Young man." She taps on the back of his hand and he flinches, blinking at her, struggling to pull himself out of his reverie. Her words filter through his mind, shift into the language all his thoughts are moving in, come back out in hers. He swallows, feeling a lump in his throat that refuses to move.

"I'm... sorry," He says softly, with difficulty. "I did not hear."

"I can tell. I asked did you get a good look at whoever did this to you." Her eyes roam over his chest, his stomach. The circle of new burns, placed so carefully compared to the haphazard placement Mr. Davies had favored, no pattern at all. "Looks like they took their damn time, anyway, to get you so much."

"N-... no." Antoni's eyebrows furrow, and he tries to think, but all he can remember is their hands holding the lit cigarettes, the quiet one touching his face, ruffling his hair. He can't... he can't remember their faces at all. "I am sorry."

You're fucking gorgeous, buddy, you know that?

"Hm." If she's disappointed in him, nothing changes about her expression, still held in a kind of skeptical compassion as she wets a new cotton ball in liquid from a small frosted plastic bottle and touches it to each burn, one by one, in the circle. It's like a ritual, the sting, washing away a bit of sin with each hint of pain. He clothes his eyes and breathes carefully through it.

When he is done, each circle covered with a bandage that is shades darker than his skin, she steps back to look him over, critically. She steps away and he takes in deep breaths free of her air, the powdery scent of her. He breathes in her absence, no one nearby.

She returns with a washcloth and he takes it, scrubs at his face until his cheeks are red but clean, until you can't tell anymore that he cried while they burned him.

Good boy.

"You can stay here," She says, voice low now. "Sleep it off for a while. I've got a guest room."

"No. No, I will go home. Thank you. I will... I want to go home." He looks out the kitchen window right at Nat's house next door. No lights are on... yet. But there isn't much time before they will be.

"Fair enough. You plan to tell 'em what happened to you?"

He looks back at her, searches for the judgement, finds none.

"No," He says. Confesses, really, his sin. "I will not."

I will lie to them.

"That's your choice to make, I suppose." She lays a hand on his arm. He doesn't pull away from her. He wants to unzip himself from his skin and step out of it, let them all have what they seem to want to touch so much.

Instead, he holds himself perfectly still, until she pats him a few times and steps away again.

"I've done what I can do. You come back over here tomorrow or the day after and we'll look 'em over again and make sure they're healing up nice, you got me?"

"Yes," He says. He is good. He can be good.

"Right. Off you go, then, before your people wake up and you get to come up with a story about why you're in an old widow's house at 4:30 in the morning, hm? You're pretty enough, but you're no Wilbur." She laughs to herself, a dry and crackly sound, and he thinks that her laugh was the sort that could set a whole crowd to laughing, when she was young.

It still is.

The corners of his mouth twitch in an answering smile.

"Yes, ma'am," he says, and pushes himself off the edge, standing up again. No one has seen his scars, no one but this old neighbor woman who looks at them like they are simply part of living, not something to be pitied. "I go. S-... thank you."

"Paugh." She scoffs, waves a hand in dismissal. "Go on, now. You've thrown off my morning coffee time. Tell your young man that Jaden will be over this afternoon."

She all but shoos him out the door, and the air is clear and clean and quiet. The only dirty thing is Antoni himself, smudged and mussed, still feeling in his scalp the prickles of Quiet One's hands, still feeling on his arms the sharp pressure of the shirt tied around his wrists.

Still aware of every single burn under the slight pull of the bandages pressed over them, the gentle sting that feels like a return to how he was always meant to be.

Even the walk from one yard to another feels like too much. Antoni's eyes move over the empty darkened windows of the houses all around him. How obvious he must be, if three people saw him in the darkness and knew him for a pet pretending to be human.

He shouldn't have left, shouldn't have gone on those walks. He'd left himself open and vulnerable, hadn't he? His scars are deeper than skin, and they must shine like the streetlights to anyone who knows what to look for.

Antoni stops at the porch, where he carefully lifts a loose bit of board from the porch railing, finds the small box hidden inside. The slightest scrape of metal on metal as he pulls off the lid makes him freeze, but no one is awake to hear it. He takes the contents of the box, moves it quickly back to its hiding place, replaces the board.

Like nothing ever happened.

Everything can be made as good as new, as long as it isn't him.

He slips inside the safehouse, where everything is still quiet, in the silent inhale that comes before the exhalation of morning. The clock in the kitchen reads 4:45, fifteen minutes until Jake's alarm will go off, until he - and likely Chris - will stir.

Fifteen minutes for Antoni get upstairs and look so deeply asleep that no one will realize he was ever gone.

No time to shower.

He will have to sleep with the grime of their hands still ground deep into every single pore. He will sleep with Deep Voice's we know what you are in his ears, with Quiet One's fingers tangled in his hair, running over his skin. He will sleep with Lookout's eyes locked on his chest as he presses the cigarette in.

Antoni hasn't worn a collar in years now, but he buckles it on, just one notch too tight like Mr. Davies would have, and climbs under the covers, pulling them over his head.

He breathes in as deep as he can, to feel the constriction. Breathes out, and runs his hand up over his chest, over the bandages that cover his burns.

They knew what he was.

Everyone always will.

Good boy.

The ashtray falls asleep humming a lullaby, afraid that if he pulls the blankets back down he will see bars on the windows.

[mrskurono]

ANON: omg hiii its the high megumi anon here!!!! love the new account! ;)))))

piggybacking off of what u were saying last ask, holy FUUUUUCK dude.....imagine pegging the shit outta high megumi??? u have him straddle and ride u and when it first goes in hes like so overwhelmed he cant stop making noise and slouching over and hiding his face in ur neck, saying “too much, too much” and he cant move(with the exception of jus uncontrobllable subtle twitching) gripping your shoulders real tight and u tell him ever so sweetly that hes “gotta move so it can feel good, get rid of the prickly feeling” he jus nods his lil head and starts bouncing a little, getting totally louder with this new strange yet filling feeling hes getting😗 before he can get too comfy with his slow n sloppy moves u decide to take the reins once again and jus pound the fuck outta him, thrusting upward as fast as u can all while touching him only a little bit on his dick.....he tries to kiss u but it ends up in him kiiiinda slobbering on u(i love the thought of high as fuck megumi not being able to kiss u properly, he more just opens his mouth and puts it in random places on ur face n neck n shoulder)

u take him from behind and his face is jus absolutely shoved into his pillow and he doesnt think about moving to get full breaths, so hes jus suffocating lowkey. u have to pull his hair to lift him up and hes fisting the sheets so hard and attempting to touch himself but he keeps missing and falling while doing it, so u grab his hand when he trues again, and put it around his dick for him.

YOU MADE IT OH THANK YOU I WAS SO WORRIED MY NEW BEAUTIFUL LIKE MINDED ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LET US INDULGE HERE WITH NO WARNINGS <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

*inhales sharply* I have never wanted to peg someone as much as I want to peg Megumi while he’s faded outta his fucking mind (this surpasses the need to peg Mahito and that was a mighty need ok)

He squirms the entire time you’re prepping him. Those mixed signals of him moaning like a mother fucker but also whining like “No…y/n…it…it feels warm…so warm-” He���s a hot fucking mess like his body wants it that bad and its obvious the way he wiggles down on just your finger when you prep him. His cock totally neglected through this entire thing but it doesn’t matter bc the moment the tip of that toy finds his prostate. Game over.

Megumi is drooling, eyes rolled back in his head, hips shuddering on you uncontrollably. Just stringy precum everywhere coating him. He is drooling precum by the buckets full ok. Like, just touching his prostate has him a moaning incoherent mess that can’t do anything but let it happen. Get him to bounce on your cock you say? Fuck yes he can’t control himself. He does it until his legs lock up and his poor purple headed cock is so neglected and hard it almost makes you wanna help. Almost.

If he’s came at least once like that, which he probably has painted his stomach all pretty and white with thicc ropes of cum and he’s still this hard, then the second his legs lock bc he just can’t do it anymore. That’s when you stop the praise and push him down under you. Face smashed into the pillow, bottoming out into him with the hilt of your toy. Megumi is a mess. He’s face down and can’t do anything. So he ends up sucking on his own fingers, moaning your name and pressing back into you. Even angling his ass up so you can nearly split him in half with that toy. He wants you to rearrange your guts and it’s obvious.

Feeling real generous if you let him get up on all fours, which he can hardly do. And Megumi’s pushing back into you like a whore. Begging you for more while his cock slaps his stomach with each of your forceful thrusts. He’s nearly pleading you to touch his cock it’s so hard now. You could but grabbing fistfuls of his hips are too good and the way you bottom out in him is wonderful. That’s when you encourage him to touch himself. Cooing and calling him a good boy, getting him to wrap his fist loosely around his cock. And that’s all he really needs too. He doesn’t even squeeze his cock. He can hardly keep his hand there as he fucks his fist as you spilt him open and milk his prostate for every single orgasm he has. Boy is shooting blanks by the time your done. Cumming dry like a whimpering mess. Coating in his own cum and all. Until you press into him and make him grind on your dick while swiping a bit of his fresh cum and bringing it to his lips to suck on. He doesn’t even care that its his cum. He’s wanted something in his mouth so bad that now he’s lapping at your cummy knuckles like his life depends on it

stoned megumi just has an oral fixation okk???

[stardancerluv]

Gotham Surviving the Pandemic 2021

Part 2b

Summary: Despite taking precautions leading up to his opening, this silent killer has a way of still striking. Worry has consumed him.

This part makes a reference to Sugary Kisses and Broken Glasses (which was early in their relationship even before Gotham 2020 Lockdown. (Part two of the new Roman content!)

Roman was pacing back and forth, the doctor said he’d call once the results came in. He sipped on his second scotch. He had barely slept in the last few days.

Falcone had been annoyed when he called, but fuck him. Chastising him the careless and selfishness of the men that work for him. It was his life put at risk. Falcone was lucky, he didn’t just kill them.

Draining the scotch and walking over to the bar he picked up the decanter, when the ring from his phone ripped through the silence of his office. The decanter clanked with his glass before he righted it. Huffing a sigh he strode over to the phone. He ran his fingers through his hair, sweat prickled his scalp.

Swallowing, he picked up the phone and answered. “Tell me, doctor.”

“You’re fine, Roman.” The man said dryly.

“Good.” His voice was hoarse. “Good.” He repeated.

He shook as he managed to put his phone on his desk. Bracing himself against it, the blood continued to rush in his ears as he finally felt the relief fill him. Behind him in the hall he heard the floorboards creaking. Turning his head, he watched as you approached. He turned towards you and smoothed his suit.

He took the silken pink robe. You looked as if you were glowing, fresh from your shower. “Tell me he gave you good news.” You said softly.

He took a few steps toward you and silently wrapped his arms around you. He nestled his face in the crook of your throat. Your sweet smell made him feel good. Being with you was why he did everything for a bigger slice of Gotham.

“Roman?”

Wrapping his arms around tighter he easily swung you around. “I didn’t catch it. I will be all right.”

Your squeal and giggle filled his ears, made his smile even broader. He enjoyed the feel of your arms tightening around his throat.

Gently, he laid you back down on the ground. “We’re gonna get out for a bit. Go and get dressed.”

Your eyes shone.

*****

For a brief moment, behind the wheel Roman felt like he could be free from his obligations. Reaching over, he squeezed your hand that rested on your thigh. Sure he loved it, loved everything. But sometimes it caused great anger that none of the others truly understood what it was to be him.

“Where are we going?” You called over the roar of the engine, tucking back some hair that strayed behind your ear.

“Where I once won you a purple cow.”

You smiled. “It had been a lovely time.”

He nodded.

Shifting his gears, Roman drove you and him to the nice part of Gotham where the ocean crested the shores. It was a terrible shame that the Booby Trap had finally closed its doors.

The tires crunched under the crumbling parking lot. He came around and opened the door for you.

“Wait a moment,” He stopped you and gently removed the mask from your face and his. “I don’t think we’ll need these. I made sure just the two of us would be here.”

“You did?”

He nodded. “Victor rushed over here. Thankfully, it was only a vagrant and Victor gave him money for some fresh clothes and hopefully warm food.”

“Roman, you’re such a good man.”

He smirked and leaned in. “Don’t let that out, I am a crime lord after all.” He chuckled.

“Well, you’ve always been good to me and your men.”

He shrugged. “I love you, and I do need their loyalty. But enough of that, this is our time.” He went and placed the masks by the gear shifts and then he took your hand.

He walked you along the pier at the Founders Pier. The sun was high and the water lapped at the creaking and aging wood.

“I’ve never showed you this.” Roman said as he stopped by a statue.

As much as he hated his father for all the hits across the face or being screamed at, he could show you this and not get too mad. He knew he was a much better man.

“Oh!” He watched your eyes move to the carved name. “Charles Sionis?”

He pressed his lips together, swallowing. “That’s my father.”

“He looks like an imposing man.”

He nodded. “He was, I know the back of his hand better than anything else. Only good thing is, I don’t have to answer to him anymore.”

You reached up and cupped his cheek. “You are a strong man, a better man.” You smiled. “A man I look forward to marrying. And maybe one day,” Your voice trailed off as you took one of his gloved hands and placed it on your stomach. “You will make me a mother.”

He smirked. “One day,” He did enjoy the idea, making you pregnant. But it also scared him so he chuckled. “Though at the moment, I have too many dark things I have fun doing to you.”

Your cheeks flush at his words, which made him very pleased. “Oh really?”

“Yes.” Moving just so, he walked you up against the railing beside his father’s statue. “Like taking you right here.” He breathed.

“And I’d let you.”

@spn-obsessed-dean @vintagemichelle91 @xxxeatyourh3artoutxxx @ewanfuckingmcgregor @zodiyack @angel98624 @frenchgirlinlondon @emyliabernstein @thepeachreads @nebulastarr @itsknife2meetu @omghappilyuniquebouquetlove @poe-kadot26 @babydoll97-blog1 @hazel-nuss @vcat55 @feelthemadnessinside @johallzy @foreverhockeytrash @frostypenguinoz @professionalclown @chogisss @shantellorraine @xxinvisiblexx @blondekel77 @saphic-stories @drarrylov3r @i-cant-hear-you16 @deadlymistress24 @yesqueenofthelight @generallj @thebeckyjolene @blackmasque @mrskenobi19

[rint4rous]

hogwarts au! oikawa

a/n: wrote this with a bad headache LMAO so if you see mistakes no you didnt <3

yeah help

anyway

oikawa toru

sixth year slytherin

captain of slytherin quidditch team

this one. very popular with the girls.

always gets gifts and confessed to, he turns them all down nicely tho

he flirts with them a little but never goes out with anyone

thanks but no thanks, hes focusing on quidditch

mostly hangs out with hanamaki, matsukawa, and iwaizumi

you, sixth year gryffindor

a chaser for the quidditch team

actually you and oikawa had a bit of a rivalry thing going on

because oikawa was getting good grades AND is good at quidditch

and it doesnt even look like hes trying.

and he lowkey comes off as arrogant sometimes

and youre like i hate geniuses

the two of you met during first year when he tried playfully hitting iwa in the hallway but iwa dodged

and you happen to be speedwalking past and then next thing you know you get slapped???

you stop walking and turn to oikawa

hes like HOLY CRAPDFHJSHJR

“I AM SO SORRY-”

“it’s alright!”

“are you sure??”

“yeah, it was an accident, right? …. unless it wasnt?”

“NO I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT”

“i thought so! see you ‘round!”

then you skip away

yeah. yall dont really start competing and shit until you found out your mom and his mom had BEEF??? WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL????

you found that out at the end of first year

“i heard tachibana’s son is in your year. or i guess she’s oikawa now.”

youre like yeah what about it

“my dearest y/n, you’re a smart little girl, okay?”

“so make sure you’re better than that oikawa kid, alright?”

and little innocent you is like “ok”

so start of second year, you study and work extra hard

but here’s perfect little oikawa who always knocks you down to second place

at first youre like. i’ll just work harder!

and he joins quidditch and so do you

so you try hard at that too

you’re not like a sore loser or anything so when slytherin wins you shake his hand with a smile

but by the end of the year you’re just kinda :/ now because you never see him studying or practicing spells so how the fuck is he BETTER THAN YOU AT EVERYTHING!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!

third year you come into school with like not very good feelings abt oikawa

and your mom was on your ass about your grades and you’re like omfggg im TRYING OKAY IM TRYING SO HARD

too bad tho thats when he starts liking you …

middle of third year is when you start expressing those feelings for oikawa out loud

“i hate self-centered geniuses. come back down to earth, will you.”

he heard you say when test results came back

and hes like is she talking abt me? lol nah shes probably talking about stupid ushijima over there

and then he finds out you were in fact talking abt him

hes kinda hurt lol

then when the new term rolls in

and the two of you just start talking shit about each other and start arguing all the time

“what’s the answer, l/n?”

“fairy wings.”

“oh my bad, i didn’t realize she said oikawa, and not l/n.”

“oh sorry, i thought you wouldn’t know the answer so i answered for you! i saved you from embarrassing yourself. you’re welcome~”

your seatmate yaku was holding you down with all his might and HOW IS LITTLE MAN ABLE TO HOLD YOU BACK HIS GRIP IS STRONG BRO

the whole class s ighs here we go AGAIN

the teacher doesnt even bother sending you guys out to hall anymore because this happens so much

you always try to sabotage each other in potions

one time his eyebrows almost burned off after his potion exploded in his face

makki and mattsun like LMFAOWFEHERGUYER

then when the year ends you’re like ranting to your mom like “i hate geniuses. who does he think he is? just because he can beat me at everything?? i’ll show him. i’ll make him eat dirt in the field. i’ll wipe that dumb smirk off his face. i’ll-”

your mom: omg my little baby so full of hate just like her momma

fourth year you’re so determined to beat oikawa at something

he sees you in the library, unprovoked, once and he comes up from behind you like

“aw, is l/n gonna try beating me again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

you: hold it in hold it in hold it in YOU’RE MATURE NOW Y/N L/N. YOU SHOULD BE MORE MATURE THAN THIS DIMWIT IN FRONT OF YOU. inhale exhale inhale exhale

“aw, is oikawa gonna try beating ushiwaka in quidditch again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

way to be mature

poor oikawa tho you pressed a wrong button so he just leaves silently

you kinda regret it after

so this year goes like the last and so does the next

“arent you tired?? of competing with oikawa all the time??” your friend semi asked you

“kind of”

“then stop?? you dont have to fulfill your mom’s high school revenge lmao”

“ughh eita i know but im too far in”

one time you were out breaking curfew #savage

no but seriously you couldn’t sleep so you thought some fresh air will help, the dorms were super suffocating right now

you were stressed after your mom’s monthly letter

beat oikawa this beat oikawa that

you turn at a corner and you see the man himself, ALSO BREAKING CURFEW

now the both of you are looking at each other like 👁👄👁

“GOD L/N I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TEACHER I NEARLY DIED FROM A HEART ATTACK”

“shush before we both get caught”

“right sorry sorry”

“so what the hell are you doing breaking curfew.”

“what are you doing breaking curfew.”

“i asked you first”

“so?”

“just answer the question, oikawa.”

he looks around, making sure the coast was clear before he motions you over to him and as you walk towards him

you see the door hes standing in front of

he drags you in there and what you see is

a bunch of practice dummies

“yeah i,, practice my spells here at night. contrary to popular belief i’m not a genius like ushiwaka or tobio. i’m flattered you think so, though.”

and youre like he... actually practices?? he is actually human?

“what’s with that look? you wanna join me practice at night?”

“as if-” and then you see the book of spells and you guys aren’t even learning any of this YET. and you are determined not to fall behind oikawa “sure.”

oikawas like pardon?

you: i SAID SURE.

and so now at night you practice spells together

only because you want to beat him as if

the arguing goes down a little because you get caught up in beating each other at who gets to do the spell right first that practice runs super late sometimes and you dont have energy to fight with each other that early

everybodys like ??? huh????

but then you’re back to the usual bs in the afternoon and everybodys like oh okay so the world isnt ending yet

so anyway !! yall are practicing again

you’re pointing your wand at a practice dummy and trying to focus so you dont accidentally do something dumb

"hey why do you hate me so much?”

LITERALLY CATCHES YOU OFF GUARD AND BREAKS YOUR FOCUS

“it’s not because i hit you when we were first years right? it really was an accident i swear-”

“you still remember that?”

“well yeah… because i cant think of any other reason why you don’t like me.”

“um… trying too hard to please my mom, i guess. what about you? why did you try so hard to beat me at everything?” you ask, regaining your focus for the charm

“idk, you never paid attention to me unless i did.”

you scoff, “why? you don’t like me or anything, do you?”

“i do tho??”

he literally said that just before you chanted the spell and you got caught off guard and

“stupefy!”

it almost hits oikawa

oikawa: WHAT DID I DO

you: SHITHEAD DONT SAY THAT WHEN IM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHFIBEFH

“HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN???”

“I DONT KNOW IT WAS FUN COMPETING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE SECOND YEARS AND IT JUST DID?? I TRIED SO HARD SO I CAN IMPRESS YOU AND I GUESS MY PLAN BACKFIRED BECAUSE I DONT THINK YOU LIKE ME VERY MUCH”

now youre staring at each other and you’re both red

he kinda quiets down “and you’re a better rival than ushijima anyway. i don’t mean any of the stuff i said, i swear. i know you don’t like me but i just needed to let that out or i will go insane.”

and hes just looking down all shy

at this point you actually dont know if you like oikawa or not

i mean??? you spent like 3 years butting heads with this dude

and he liked you the whole time?? hes crazy this man is crazy.

maybe you were just in denial the whole time

because?? you could’ve stopped competing with him at everything

maybe you did enjoy it somehow

he did make your life at school interesting

“let’s go out on a few dates and we’ll see.”

his head just whips up and his eyes like light up and hes so EXCITED

in the time before you officially started dating

you find out from iwaizumi that even tho he smiles at a lot of girls its actually rarely genuine the only girl hes ever seen oikawa smile about genuinely was you

and that his mom actually didnt approve of him playing quidditch at first because he had a bad knee but he pushed for it because he really wanted to

he has like a smug and a flippant demeanor but hes very attentive and super caring !!

hes super passionate and hard working at what he does and

i guess now you finally realize you are falling

it takes five dates until the two of you officially start going out

if you tell third year you that you were dating oikawa she would never believe it but here you are, walking to class with him

when the two of you walked in the classroom talking

like TALKING NORMALLY AND NOT THE USUAL “i will choke you in your sleep” “ooh, kinda k-” “don’t”

it was already sus when the arguing toned down a bit but now that its like. REALLY GONE?? everybody is so confused

LMFAO matsukawa asks like “what happened?? are you guys broken?”

“no???”

“how rude! dearest y/n and i are dating now!”

everybody in this class: see now thats crazy. that is crazy.

makki: maybe we didnt hear him right. say that again oikawa

oikawa: me and y/n are dating.

everybody: oh okay bc we thought you said you and l/n were dat- WAIT SO YOU AND L/N REALLY ARE TOGETHER??? 

you: unfortunately

oikawa: h-hey :((((

everybody: SO WE DONT GOTTA LISTEN TO YALL ARGUE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING??? YOU HAVE TO TREAT THE WHOLE CLASS TO BUTTERBEER I THINK WE DESERVE IT AFTER THESE THREE YEARS OF CONSTANT YELLING

nobody was as SHOCKED as your moms

“y/n, baby, i know i did not just hear you say you’re dating the oikawa kid. repeat that for momma again.”

“i’m dating the oikawa kid.”

like?? MOM THIS WAS TECHNICALLY UR FAULT

“so toru, what did you wanna tell me?”

“i have a girlfriend now! her name is y/n l/n.”

“l/n? surely not THAT l/n’s daughter, right?”

“oh it is that l/n.”

when your families have dinner together for the first time

THE TENSION LMFAO

but they do try hard to get along. they try super hard.

they start getting along because MAN YOU AND OIKAWA WERE SOO CUTE AND THEY WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED AND THEY HAVE TO GET ALONG IF THEY WANT IT TO HAPPEN. THEIR GRANDKIDS ARE GONNA BE SO CUTE!!!

“ma, we haven’t graduated yet-”

your mom, ignoring you: THEYRE GOING TO HAVE THE CUTEST HAIR

oikawa’s mom: AND THEY’RE GOING TO BE SUPER SMART LIKE THEIR PARENTS!

your mom: AND WE’LL BE THE BEST GRANDMAS.

momma oiks: PERIOD!

steals your books from you in the halls so he can carry it for you

you tease each other with pet names and shit???

he’ll try to kiss your cheek in the hall but iwa grabs the back of his robe and pulls him away “you’re gross”

“you’re just jealous iwa!!”

when your houses arent playing each other, he goes to your games and vice versa!

tries to distract you in the field

“hey beautiful”

“toru don’t or i will make iwa knock you off your broom.”

“you're so mean”

so anyways yall r couple goals

"listen well, kindaichi, kunimi, your senior is showing you how to get girls.”

kunimi, without looking up from his book: what are you gonna teach us? accidentally slap the girl and get her to hate you for three years while you secretly pine over her during that time before confessing that you liked her the whole time and you go out on five dates and officially start dating? too much work

oikawa: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

[thequeenb]

Poppy x MC

Everyone cheers as Poppy strikes a pose in the middle of the field blowing kisses to her adoring followers. How charming

Zoe next to me scoffs watching Chloe giving us a 'suck it' kind of look. I sigh as i think if this is a good idea, but its to late to back down now

"Don't you dare think about this twice you are the fabulous Bea Hughes now go there and show the dancing Queens what putting on a show really means" Zoe says as she shoves me towards the field

But of course Miss 'I cant mind my own business' Min-Sinclair had to comment. Adorable she has my name on her lips so often.

"My condolences to your performance Wanabee, its not late to back down" gosh she smirks and I just want to make her regret her words

"Ha! You call that performance darling?" This is the first time i actually take her in. She is wearing a cheerleader outfit that hugs her body perfectly. The mini skirt is revealing as much skin as possible and her shirt show off her cleavage. Focus Bea

"You think you can top this Hughes?"

Oh i am just getting started "Oh honey i can definitely do so" i smirk before Jaylen appears with her vintage red car to rescue me from Poppy's claws

"Hop in Bea" she says as her newest single blast from the speakers. The crowd goes wild and i get lost in the music and the screams that come from every direction. As Jaylen sings all i focus on is her. She is sitting on a bench drinking her ridiculous electrolyte water. Deep down i wanted revenge for all the things she has done but now? I reg--

"Thank you, you are a wonderful crowd i just want to thank Bea for inviting me here today!"

I am brought back to cruel reality, where Poppy and I hate eachother, and the students of the university are dying for it. I smile trying to focus on providing everyone that i am better than her and thats when it's my time to shine

The song is coming to an end and i have to do a final pose. For a second i am thinking but then i hop out of the car running towards where the Dancing Queens are sitting

"IS BEA GOING TO EMBARRASS OUR MAJESTY EVEN MORE?" i can hear the announcer say through the speakers.

Although i want nothing more than to wipe that bitchy smile off her face i approach with better intentions

"What the hell--" Poppy start going off immediately. Gosh her voice is so sexy yet so annoying but i don't let her finish instead i pull her towards me dipping her down as i capture her lips to a breathtaking kiss.

The crowd goes wild as the song comes to an end. Poppy and i are still kissing but then she pushes me away slightly blushing

"Are you insane? I just kissed garbage!!"

"I told you i can do better" i lock eyes with her as i wipe her lipstick off my face

Just then Zoe and the Zeta team approach while chanting my name, happiness written all over their faces "We did it!!" Luis says excitedly as he high five Carter

"I didn't think you had it in you New girl. Hey babe did you see what--" but before he could even finish Poppy's face is red with anger

"How could you help this stupid cow???" Wow that was harsh

"Wow babe it was noth--" but she becomes a blur, walking away from the field as fast as possible

I sigh before deciding if she is worth running behind to but i do anyways needing some fresh air.

She didn't get far as she sits on a bench in the heart of the campus. She murmurs to herself probably plotting my death, how accurate is that? From afar i can sense her disappointment and wait a minute, did i just feel sympathetic towards her?

As soon as she catches a glimpse of me she puts her mask back on and looks at me like I am her worst enemy

"The kick-off day was supposed to be mine!!" She says standing up. Wow was following her a good idea after all?

"Calm down and breathe can you? Its just a game!" I try to argue but its pointless because her anger takes over

"Ugh shut your stupid mouth! You come in here thinking you own this place, you are a nothing! And how dare you kiss me" her face turns a whole new shade of red and i actually feel a little terrified

"And to actually think i felt bad" i turn around ready to leave but then i can feel her stare burning behind my back. Ugh why am i so kind?

I sit next to her on a safe distance watching the endless empty campus. I dare to study her expression and i notice how badly she is holding back her tears

"You know you can cry right? It wont make you less bitchy anyways"

Poppy avoids my gaze looking skeptical "you dont understand"

I don't understand what exactly? That you are a bitch? That you try since day one to destroy me or that i am actually here confronting you? which one be specific.

"I am trying to understand why are you so mean to me without a reason"

Poppy laughs sarcastically turning towards me facing me and oh wow is that a hint of blush?

"Where i come from being on top was always a necessity, if you aren't the best you are basically nothing" those icy walls are melting baby.

"Thats bullshit" i say simply shrugging

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, you dont have to be the best on everything, after all i am sure if you were less rude and cruel you would be likable"

Poppy raises her eyebrow at me and for a moment i think she might attack me like tigers do with their prays.

"Does that mean you dont like me? Not that i care obviously you are--"

'I like you" wow now thats something i never thought i would say.

She is speechless just for a minute thinking what insult she would say next, obvi.

"You aren't bad" she cracks a small smile that makes me giggle

"Gosh you see? We dont have to be rude to eachother" i move closer to her but she is not backing down

"If you learnt how to dress maybe we could be frends, better yet my worthless assistant"

"Aaaand you ruined it" i say trying to make sense of her actions. Infront of people she is so cruel and strong like nothing can break her down, but when she is alone her walls are collapsing and all she is left with are feelings she cant deal with

"Ugh why did you kiss me anyways Hughes ? That was the most disgusting thing i ever had to do in my life" Sure Pop that's why you were clinging on me the whole time

"I put on a show for you" i lower my voice moving even closer to her until our shoulders touch

She dares to look at me and i am left breathless. Underneath all that armor she has a broken heart and hidden sensitivity i only get to see glimpses of. She scans the area realising we are alone and i smirk

"No audience now Poppy, but the whole school already knows"

"Thats not-- i--" did Min-Sinclair just shutter? Aw Bea you make her nervous how adorable!

I reach for her face but she dodges my touch as i roll my eyes "What do you think you are doing?" Oh let me show you

Without another word i lean in and our simple kiss become a heated make out session. I knew that she likes me. I move my hands to the small of her back pressing her against me even more gaining a low moan from her

"I love your outfit by the way" i say between kisses and i can feel her smile against my lips

"If you tell anyone about this i will make sure to wear this everyday making you suffer with this incredible sight" was that actually flirting coming from Poppy? Wow i am making progress

In response i just move my hands on her waist while i suck on her neck "Be quite" i whisper in her ear as i move her skirt a little bit higher

And of course someone has to ruin it

"THAT WAS SICK DID YOU TAG ME?" a student says and then another and another until we realize we aren't alone anymore. Poppy adjusts her clothes standing up glaring at me with the same cold distant look

"This isn't over you tramp!!" She makes sure everyone listen toher but she gives me a quick wink making sure I don't get offended, ah she is in love. Everyone watch her disappear and i sit back on my seat wondering all the things i will do to her when I get her alone. I will bring you to the edge Min-Sinclair i promise.

Tag list: @lolimugly @origmansello @greatestflirt-hero @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @sugarplumpnhoneybun @princessstellaris @coldbatfriendroad @poppyminsinclairswife @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @justastranger-passing @jayrnada @slytherinthoughts7 @uselesslesbianfr

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Billionaires Bae-by

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult content 18+, slight smut, swearing

A/n:Right I'm not 100% on timelines but I'm making it up to fit in around my characters lives ect. Hope you enjoy xx

The time has come for you to become public knowledge, luckily Bruce calls in a friend to help.

Billionaires Bae-by

You woke up with a start to the screech of a high pitched ringtone confused and bleary eyed you looked around finding yourself on Bruce's side of the bed alone rolling over on the massive bed struggling, arms and legs flaying about doing your best impression of a swimmer to make your way to you phone on the side table as the soft mattress and thick covers swallowed you. Just as you reached your side of the bed then silence the phone had stopped. You'd missed the call. You hung your head sighing until you heard Bruce speaking. Looking over you saw him sitting on the small love seat looking far to handsome this early in the morning, smirking shaking his head at your antics answering his phone. You pouted you'd moved for nothing, and now you were in the cold side of the bed. You huffed slumping onto your back spreading out under the covers.

"...Today?...Yes that'd be great.....thanks Clark " he hung up shaking his head at you as you pouted at him sleepily.

"Not funny" you groaned snuggling into the comforter debating weather to get out of the bed or not. Bruce's bed was far too comfy if you had your way you'd never leave it, tho you dare not let him know that something tells you he wouldn't protest probably encourage it. You pulled the cover to your face breathing in a scent that was just him, it was a mix of the fresh smelling cologne he wore and a distinct musky scent of the man himself. He sat on the bed leaning over pulling you across the bed to him by your wrists you rolled half way on your front propping yourself on your elbows stretching up for a long kiss he grunted sucking your tongue into his mouth a little before pulling back.

"Good morning babe"

"Yes it is. Sweets" you giggled sitting up fully yawning and stretching he got off the bed taking the belt he had hung over the love seat and pulled it through the loops buckling it. You licked your lips unconsciously as he looked at you through the top of his eyes grinning. Then a thought hit you.

"Where did you go last night?" you asked he tilted his head at you. You'd noticed since staying at the manor that he didn't get much sleep. Maybe three to four hours a night. He normally slipped out of bed somewhere between nine and ten then didn't return until around five or six am, it was concerning, when you asked Alfred he had just given you a vague answer ,about work emergencies and stress then that Bruce had had trouble sleeping since his parents and that he was probably leaving the room so he wouldn't wake you as well. All valid reasons you supposed letting it go but you would like to hear it from Bruce himself. He looked up sighing looking a little guilty and seemed off.

"I'm sorry did I wake you?" he asked sitting back down on the bed slipping on his shoes you shimmied down onto the floor and padded around to him softly ruffling his hair moving to cup his face caressing the small scruff he had.

"No... I noticed you were gone when I used the bathroom.... is everything ok?" you said calmly, he tilted his head kissing your palms one by one then held them in his own.

"Yes .....I just have problems sleeping... at first it was nightmares of ...well you know.. then it just became a habit I cant seem to shake... sometimes its to do with work and stuff but I found that I don't need as much sleep anymore." he admitted you could see he was uncomfortable so decided not to pursue it you were satisfied for the moment he would tell you when he was good and ready. You grinned at him

"That's a relief I thought it was my snoring that had drove you away" he bellowed a laugh wrapping you up in a strong hug around your hips holding you tightly against him you winced as he pressed against the marks he had left yesterday.

"Baby loosen up a bit would you... hips" you said he immediately loosened his hold pressing his face into your chest giving a fleeting kiss to each nipple making you jump as they to were still tender and slightly swollen from the past few days of his insatiable ministrations. Smirking he brought his hands up rolling them on his palms making you squirm as he dug his face between your breasts licking over deep purple and blue marks he had sucked into your cleavage just as your breathing started to become harsher pants he retreated completly with a smirk as you leaned forward unconsciously then snapped out of what ever lusy haze he had placed on you chuckling with a hard squeeze pushing you away from him lightly patting your bottom.

"Come on you time to get dressed Clark will be here soon for the interview."

"What he's coming today?" Bruce nodded

"Someone took a photo of us the other day its been doing the rounds on the internet and tv but thankfully not a lot has been in the news or magazines yet, Clark's boss heard and has been all over him about it because he knows we know each other so Clark is coming over this morning to do it and get some photos."you gaped at him

"ok what do you mean by not a lot in the news?" he gave you a look

"Bruce? what have they said?" you asked getting a little panicked mind racing with all the possible rumors they could have started. Or worse what if somehow they'd saw you in his office you gasped freaking out as your mind instantly began thinking the worst. He nodded his head to the small side table by the window seeing a news paper Gotham gazette yesterdays copy with two photos of you and Bruce from the incident at the tower. One was from the side showing your profile more than your actual facial features with your hand on his chest trying to calm him down as he spoke to the guard it showed clearly that he was angry with the man, the other was much clearer a face on shot of you both, you tucked into his side as you made your way to the elevators. The headline read 'Billionaire Bae-by' you took a deep breath no one saw what you'd done in the office. Reading the first few lines of the article. They didn't have much info just that someone had gone to the tower and whilst being escorted out Bruce had come down scolded a security guard and secretary then disappeared with the woman, the rest was just contemplating your identity with words like model and personal assistant thrown in here and there. In a way you were flattered. You felt Bruce walk up behind you placing a hand on your back rubbing small circles.

"Are you ok Sweetsq? don't worry everything will be ok. I've already got Mary and security looking into who took those photos it will all be sorted I promise." you snapped out of your hectic thoughts and scoffed throwing the paper back down

"Bae-by really? they get paid to write for a living and that's the best they got? honestly I'm just happy there's not photos of us in the office" he huffed kissing the back of your head

"Well other tabloids have dubbed you the new queen of Gotham, maybe that's more you? personally I'd say princess well after yesterday at least" he wiggled his eyebrows at you when you faced him you almost didn't take the bait but looked soo pleased with himself you couldn't let him down.

"Oh year and why is that?" he swallowed at the look you gave him

"Well your my little pillow princess" he said as matter of fact grinning you gaped at him shifting on your feet.

"Excuse you!! them water jets were powerful I couldn't move you-you fuck!" you growled out stomping away from him making him laugh out loud apologizing as you made your way over to where your bag had been the previous night stopping short.

"Babe wheres my stuff?"

"In here" he said pulling out a drawer in the dresser beside him.

"And some is in the closet your makeup is in the vanity in the bathroom, I didn't like you living out of a bag so had Alfred move it this morning while you slept." you looked stumped at him slightly touched at the implications.

"You didn't have to do that." moving towards him looking in the drawer seeing a majority of the clothes that jack had brought over for you. You grabbed your long royal blue roll neck jumper and black crushed velvet leggings with your undies.

"You best get ready Clark should be here soon" Bruce commented kissing you then making his way to the door

"You never did tell me who he wrote for."

"Oh he writes for the Daily Planet any way I will see you down stairs in a bit" he left as you tried to wrap your head around what was about to happen.'Daily planet?' Now that was a big deal, it was a bit nerve wracking letting everyone see you , know your name and step into the spotlight but at the same time you trusted those around you, and most of all you trusted bruce he wont let you fall. Making your way to the bathroom having a quick shower not washing your hair as Jack didn't bring your hair dryer and you had no idea where Bruce's one was or if he even had one. Slipping out you quickly threw on your outfit before standing before the vanity your small makeup bag on the side.

'do I got full face or light?' you debated you didn't want to slap a ton on your face too much could go wrong yet there was going to be photos. You decided to play safe and do your normal daily make up of eyebrows and eyeliner reassuring yourself that Bruce loves the way you look with of without. You left the room making your way downstairs hearing Bruce and Alfred talking to someone turning the corner you saw a tall broad man with black hair Bruce's face lit up.

"And here she is now Clark this is Y/n my girlfriend, Y/n this is Clark the reporter I was telling you about." Clark turned to face you smiling a dazzling smile his bright blue eyes shone impossibly bright, he was very handsome in the clean cut boy next door way. You nodded smiling shaking Clark's hand.

"Its nice to meet you, Thank you for doing this .. I've got to admit that I'm nervous about all this so you'll have to bare with me." Clark shook his head watching as you and Bruce seemed to have a pull that tugged you towards one another.

"That's no problem Bruce is a friend we go way back, and you have no reason to be nervous I will send you a copy of my article before it prints and will only write what you ask me to, I understand that you have concerns over your younger brother?" you nodded already liking the man he seemed trustworthy.

"Yes I don't really want him to be included to much... for his sake" Alfred interrupted

"I've set up coffee in the front sitting room if you'd like to make your way through." Bruce nodded thanking him and made your way to the room to conduct the interview. Once you were all settled with your drinks Clark began.

"So your Y/n Cooke?" you nodded shyly sitting tight against Bruce

" If you don't mind me asking how old are you?" you cringed waiting for the judgmental scoff as you stated your age.

"25" he nodded not giving any judgmental indications over your age or bringing up the age gap he just wrote down on his note book.

"And how did you meet ?" you were grateful when Bruce answered making the decision of how much to let people know, he had more experience with these things.

"Damien has been having his best friend from school over for a few months who happens to be y/n's younger brother, he couldn't stop gushing over her so I known of her for nearly seven months before meeting her. We actually met at Damien's school just over 3 months ago there was an incident that has since been dealt with but it involved both Damien and Jack." he smiled down at you.

"She came into the waiting area fretting over both of the boys like a mother hen and I was instantly drawn to her, the way she ignored everything around her instead focused solely on making sure they were unharmed and finding out there side of things."

you blushed continuing.

"I was hounded by Damien for months about coming over to meet Bruce but always brushed him off. But I distinctly remember being mortified when met him, I hadn't realized he was there. I sat down and noticed Bruce had been watching me the whole time. Then he backed me up when trying to sort things out with the principle in the office .. I was shocked but very grateful to him." Clark nodded writing everything down as you both recounted your meeting.

"So you met at the school?for a meeting? that's unusual could you elaborate?" you looked to Bruce who grunted at Clark

"Don't push it, there was a few issues the school had..... overlooked shall we say. For some months, Y/n walked in and set them straight. It has now been sorted. I was impressed at how she dealt with it and invited her out to lunch and we have been together since" he explained you relaxed a bit when he skipped the whole avoidance thing. Clark took a sip of his coffee and turned to you.

"So if you don't mind me asking about your brother? your responsible for him"you shifted uncomfortably.

"I-I am err can we not include to much about Jack? please?" you looked from one to the other

"Its ok I wont include to much just weather your his legal guardian, honestly I probably wont include it to much.. its mainyl to give context to why it was you there and not your parents." Bruce froze seeing where this was going. It has only been recently that you'd informed him of how your parents had died and he knew discussing it would cause upset on both sides he gave a growl of warning.

"Clark don't-" you put a hand up stopping him

"I will tell you the circumstances because your a friend of Bruce's but I'd rather you leave the details out is that fair?" Bruce tried to protest but you waved him off.

"Bruce its fine" you said as Clark nodded looking at Bruce strangely he got the feeling that his reaction wasn't just for you, nevertheless he nodded agreeing to your terms.

"My parents went on a day out, having a romantic trip just the two of them whilst Jack was at school, they were visiting the place's that were special to them where they met, first kiss that sort of thing it was for their anniversary. My dad had booked dinner at the restaurant that they got engaged in as a treat ,mum didn't know that bit he wanted to surprise her....they never made it tho...they.... it was the day of the metropolis disaster needless to say they didn't survive. I was away at college at the time. I had just turned 20, I dropped out that day packed my bags and come back home to Gotham and became Jacks legal guardian and have been looking after him since." you took a deep sigh it was five years but it was still fresh in a sense, luckily you had Jack to focus on and you pulled through it all because of him. You had to be strong for him. You will never forget that day tho, you had phoned over and over desperate to here from them hoping that they hadn't gone, you missed all your classes packing , you just had a gut feeling that you had to go home. When you heard nothing you left and was home in less than a day Jack had stayed with a friend that night, it took Four agonizing days but finally they had been confirmed as some of the casualties you broke down. It was just a devastating case of in the wrong place at the wrong time. With everything that happened in those few days looking back on it was still hard. You looked up again and was startled at the look Clark had on his face. His blue eyes darkened it was like a shadow had fallen over him, he looked absolutely devastated, wracked with guilt for some reason.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... if I'd have known I'd-" as he trailed off you looked a little confused then remeberd he was from metropolis he probably would have been there. You smiled softly at him.

"Hey its fine I'm ok Jacks ok, no ones to blame, we all have to go sometime It was there time. but they were together and that is a small comfort" Bruce watched quietly knowing how Clark had felt about the whole incident.

"You don't blame anyone? not even superman?" you tilted your head contemplating before leaning back against the loveseat you and Bruce occupied finally shaking your head.

"No. no I don't.. he didn't ask them to come here and fuck shit up.. not like he sent out an invite.. hell no one did I mean they threatened but nobody really believed that it would actually happen. Including my parents.. why should I blame him... he stopped them and in that respect I see him as someone who saved Jack I mean Gotham isn't that far and would have been gone next jack along with it." Clark gave a stiff nod then moved along quickly.

"So you took on Jack and helped him into the scholarship program at school." you nodded to him happy that he seems less gloomy tho you suspected it was a facade.

"Since the papers yesterday some people have reported seeing you out and about together at a restaurants? and cafes? and stuff " Bruce nodded

"We wasn't to keen on being public at first wanting to see how we go, the the more we saw of one another the more serious it became, so began venturing out more and more."

"And I assume that you've met the rest of Bruce's children?"

"Yes I have I was worried at first especially about meeting Dick and Jason, I thought they would disprove of me and Bruce's relationship because of our ages but I was proved wrong they are happy as long as their dad is happy and have both welcomed me with open arms." Clark jotted a few notes then came to the final question.

"and finally I have to ask about the incident at the tower, witnesses said there was an altercation?" you lowered your eyes and Bruce rubbed your leg reassuringly as you took a sip from your drink letting the cup warm your hands ans tucked your feet up onto the seat as Bruce slung an arm across your shoulders you snuggled under his arm as you leaned back on him before he began speaking.

"I was partly to blame for that"

you scoffed into your cup at him and he cocked his eyebrow at you Clark watched as the couple had a small stare down and was floored as Bruce gave in first.

"What you want to explain?"he asked

"No you go right ahead and see who he thinks was the cause of that cave man" you said gulping down another mouthful of coffee Bruce sighed

"it was my fault" you smiled giving an exaggerated nod. He rolled his eyes at you gripping your knee as you laughed.

"Once I got into the office I saw that I only had 2 meetings and would be finished before lunch so I invited Y/n out to lunch as she had an early finish and I made reservations. I had forgotten to have a pass ready for her at the lobby .When she arrived a member of my lobby staff failed to find her on the systems, they didn't believe that y/n was there to see me and was less than pleasant... honestly they had been extremely rude to her before calling security to have Y/n removed. Luckily I had called when this was happening and came down to sort out the confusion." Bruce explained Clark nodded.

"What happened to the staff member?"

"They are undergoing retraining for the position followed by a probation period but if all goes well they will remain at the company"

"And those are the photos we saw?" you nodded

"That one was when Bruce asked the guard who had put in the call to have me removed and the other was as we made our way to the elevators." Clark looked as you pointed out each one then smiled cheekily.

"The real question is did you make the reservations?" he asked slyly Bruce grunted at him his eyes getting darker glint. you ran a hand along his tense jaw.

"No the incident to longer to sort out as Bruce dealt with the staff involved" Clark finished writing then looked up.

"Well I think that's all, just some photos? then I will write it and send it to you for the ok before printing and hopefully be out tomorrow."

"tomorrow? that's fast" you comment

"yes well its better to get these stories done faster than normal that way we can avoid.... more fictitious articles being printed." he leaned down pulling a slim camera from his briefcase. directing you until you were sitting with your legs tucked up under your self leaning into Bruce under his arm he leaned over whispering curling his arm his hand dancing on your bicep pulling you until you felt him below his shirt smiling as Clark held up the camera ready to take some shots.

"Don't look so nervous" you pouted at him turning your head only for him to catch you by surprise with a sweet kiss you heard the snap of a camera Bruce pulled back and you giggled barely registering another camera snap before you both face towards Clark hearing one final snap.

It was later that day you and bruce were alone im the manor alfred had gone to pick up the boys, currently you were lounging around in the den watching some random film playing on tv when Bruce's tablet chimed signalling he had received an email from Clark the article was done.

"That was quick how'd he even get back to metropolis so fast?" He shrugged

"Well you'd be surprised how fast journalists can move.. especially this one" you let out a breath creeping up behind leaning over the back of the sofa peaking at the emailed attachments as he opend them, there was two attachments the first was a front page draft with a blown up photo of you're and Bruce's kiss with the headline 'Gothams New Power Couple' and a small a note 'Our exclusive first interview with the new couple' then the second page was one large page dominated by a photo of you and Bruce face on, you smiling Bruce smirking at you curled up against him and another smaller one of you giggling up at Bruce. You peaked over his shoulder staring at the tablet smileing.

"I like that photo, the big one on the second page" you stated he looked up at you before returning his gaze

"Yes its a keeper... I will get us some copies" he then motioned for you to sit. You did scurried around next to him waiting patiently.

"I'll read it to you. Ready?. " you nodded

"It is official Bruce Wayne is off the market ,he has finally been tamed! I was lucky enough to be invited to Wayne manor for an exclusive interview of Gothams next power couple and was pleasantly suprised. Mr Waynes new mystery partner is not what anyone would have expected. And I can reveal the woman as Miss Y/n Cooke A bright and polite young woman who is mature despite her young age due to her raising her younger brother for the past few years after her parents sudden passing. The couple could not seem to keep away from one another during our interview stealing glances at one another laughing and full of banter ,gravitated towards each other in a way I've rearly seen as they both recounted how they met then explained that they have been secretly dating for nearly four months. The couple met at Mr Waynes sons school where Miss Cooke's brother also attends. They were both invited to a parental meeting and sparks few instantly resulting in there first date, and they have been dateing ever since, being spotted out together in various locations across gotham the past few weeks in particular building up for a big reveal,most recently being photographed together in Wayne Enterprises in the city. Miss Cooke explaind that the photos arent all what they seemed,she went on informing me that she had been invited on to a lunch date with Mr Wayne only to be stopped by some members of staff and eventualy escorted out by security causeing Mr Wayne to intervene resulting in the photos that have previously been leaked on social media. After interviewing Mr Wayne on serveral occasions this is the first time I have seen him this passionate about anything, I saw during my interview a genuine romance that I believe is destined to be a happy ever after for the billionaire business mogul." You smiled a bit shocked at the way Clark had managed kept his word by skipping details yet still gave the media all the answers they wanted, he'd kept Jack out of it for the most part and also sidelined the issues with the school. All in all you thought it was a clever article. Bruce smiled at you.

"What do you think?" You asked apprehensively not really sure if it was good enough having not done this before. He nodded his head

"He is very clever,thats why i called him he has a way of not given any real indepth information but making it sound like he has. He has given enough to satisfy the media. He was a bit sappy at the end but its his way of saying he is happy for me. So you want to let him print it?" You thought for a second. It was a big step in the relationship. But then again he was doing this for you, so you wouldnt have to hide or be made to feel the way you was at the tower. This was so you could both have the freedom to be a couple anywhere. You grinned at that.

"Yeah I dont have any problems with it, I dont see how I could get to much backlash from it... do you?" He shook his head at you before quickly emailing Clark back that it was fine and asked for copies of all the photos ,he wouldnt admit it to you but his favourite was the photo of you giggling and it was going in his office at work... and a copy was going to make its way in the batcave somewhere. He snapped the case closed on his tablet and threw it on the other side of him pulling you to sit on his lap.

"So tomorrow is the big day then... I cant wait until everyone knows your mine." He growled out kissing your shoulder watching the tv you grinned sarcastically.

"Isnt that supposed to be my line?" You leaned back with a calculating look you tilted your head to kiss under his jaw before biting down then lowered your head biting and kissing at his neck, he continued to ignore you watching tv so you upped the anti he furrowed his brow lightly slowly realising what you was upto when he felt you tightened your ass muscles hissing when you sucked harshly rocking on his lap clenching and unclenghing on him whimpering gripping his muscular forearms you felt him twitch below you an insistent prod on your bottom as you gyrated on him. He looked down lust written across his face.

"Are you really ready for me?" He grumbled you looked at him innocently slowly moving his hands from your inner thighs to your hips. you smiled up at him innocently licking your bottom lip befor biting it.

"the question is Mr Wayne are you ready for me?" he groaned wide eyed as you pushed down harshly feeling managing to wedge him between your cheeks lightly and continueds moving he cried out balls aching as he strained against you quickly found himself fully erect rubbing up against you, spinning you straddled his lap squeezing his waist with your thighs pulling one of his hands to your mouth nipping at his pointer and middle fingers lathering them with kitten licks before sucking on them sharply scraping your teeth lightly over them as you pulled back before you pushed forward keeping eye contact , his eyes traced over your face watching with baited breath as you took them deep into your mouth managing not to gag as they past the back of your mouth then pulled them free leaving a small peck on the tips of his fingers. he gulped feeling lost as you pulled back vey pleased with youself he tilted his head at you clearing his throat.

"wh-what are you doing sweets?" you stood leaning down pulling him by the collar forward leaning in as if to kiss him changing direction at the last secodn to whisper in his ear.

"Me? Nothing, apparently I'm a pillow princess" you said before dodging his reaching hands just skimming you as you ran out of the room laughing all the way. He gave chase making you as you grabbed the stair rail turning tight flinging yourself up them as he followed closely hearing him curse as he his hand thumped the post hard when he copied you. Squealing you tucked your bottom underneath you as you heard him catching up fast as you both climbed the stairs he captured you halfway up the stairs pushing you into the wall kissing you. Making you shiver at his quick tongue licking into your mouth moaning at the taste of his tongue. he pushed you tightly against the wall by your shoulders towering over you growling bringing his hips to yours holding you still intimately.

"You think its wise to tease me baby? you think you wont pay for that?" his words hung in the air as he dived back in kissing you. You broke away with a laugh

"well I don't think I will pay tonight at that's for sure" the front door opened and closed followed by a loud chorus of protests coming from below the four boys were home and looked disgusted.

"You have all day to fuck and you choose to have sex on the main stairs when we come home what is wrong with you?" Tim started

"To be fair she was never like this before.... your dad has corrupted her." Jack countered more exasperated then shocked by this point . Jason piped up next arms behind his head slowly making his way to the den.

"Cant argue, good sex has been known to lead women astray." Damien grunted

"Its disgusting are you trying to soil every room in the house?" He was unimpressed apparently. You turned to Bruce smirking deciding to 'poke the bear' as it were

"Not trying Damien we are succeeding first the manor then the cars right Bruce" he barked out a laugh at the faces his two youngest pulled as they boys began to bitch making you both laugh at them. Alfred entered the room from the kitchen obviously hearing some of the conversation he smiled slyly.

"Which reminds me Master Wayne I've drained the Jacuzzi and will be refilling tomorrow there wasn't enough chlorine for the job and it will be arriving tomorrow morning" you heard footsteps running out of the den.

"YOU FUCKED IN THE JACUZZI!!" Jason screamed sliding to a stop beside his brothers who were frozen wide eyed

"WHEN? I USED THAT LAST NIGHT" you looked sheepish then shrugged

"Sorry Jason.... but if its any constellation it was in the morning so hopefully the filter system had gathered any .....err excess she we say?" he paled then ran past you climbing the stairs.

"like you said good sex can lead women astray" Bruce said kissing your head making you giggle at him blushing.

"Your sick sick people! I need a shower, unless you fucked there to?" Bruce raised an eyebrow at you before teasing the teen some more enjoying this far to much

"Well yours is fine we haven't got to that part of the house yet." Jason pointed threateningly at you both speechless

"I......You ......IT'S ........NO!" then padded off down the hall. You pushed Bruce back making your way down to bottom of the stairs slinging your arms across their shoulders making your way to the den each taking a seat you sat beside Jack

"Soo we had an interview today and tomorrow there will be an article in the daily planet about how we met and such... you have been mentioned but not your name ok? and it dose mention our situation" Bruce entered afterwards taking a seat handing Jack his tablet with the email open.

"Here read it for yourself.... If anything happens or is said you-" he cast you a hesitant glance before continuing.

"You can come to me I'll have it all sorted out ok? the papers might try to approach you for comments and such but it'd be better if you didn't they will try to find a way to twist anything you say.... we're family now and I will look after you both" Jack looked from the email to you then Bruce shocked. He and Bruce have banter much like Bruce and his sons but he had felt like he was baggage to a certain extent. jack was touched by Bruce's words he let a small smile slip before covering it quickly. Giving him an accusing look.

"Family? you better not have proposed ,you need my approval for that first sunshine."

"Jack! you little shit he was being genuine" you cried diving at him knocking you both the the floor as Tim quickly snatched the tablet as you began wrestling around on the rug.

"Say sorry!"

"Fuck no!!"

you continued as the others laughed at your antics.

"No no....y/n...... the chin not the neck... yes there the soft bit..... that's it!"

"OOWW! WHAT THE FUCK? WHY DOES THAT HURT SO MUCH" Jack cried as you followed Damien's suggestion.

"Damien! stop encouraging her!" Bruce ordered. .

"I'm not even going to ask" said an unamused Jason as he swept into the room stepping over you and Jack who were still rolling around locked in a grand battle hair damp from the shower he'd just had. This new family was a bit mad but it was yours and you wouldn't change a thing.

Taglist

@125bluemachine125

[redbirdbella]

@clintasha-week  Advent calendar Day 9 - Emotions 

Very angsty. CW - guns, illusions to suicide, Avengers Assemble canon character death, drug use, talk of mind control. (If there's any more please tell me but those are the ones i can see.)

It takes Natasha 45 minutes to decide Clint's been alone long enough.

It takes two weeks for her to find him.

Phil's funeral had been tough on everyone, her archer especially. He'd been a broken man, tears staining his cheeks as he carried the casket. Natasha to his left, holding his hand as she helps bear the weight.

Barton, Romanoff, Rogers, Hill, Fury and May carrying the weight of a brother, a comrade and a true patriot July 1964 til May 2012 (or at least that's what the grave will say).

She gives him space, room to grieve, to bury his head into his hands and weep until shes worried he'll shrivel up. Like he'll faint from dehydration like when he was hungover that one time in Vegas. Happier times. Hill supplies the tissues and Steve the rousing speech. It's tasteful, Phil would appreciate it. But there's no flowers to hide the casket, just his stupid Captain America trading cards on, the ones that make Natasha's heartbreak.

Clint asks for space. After it's all over, once the coffins gone behind the red velvet curtains and the music plays. She agrees, resigned to him running. She can play the game. Follow where he leads.

Two weeks. Two damn weeks it takes. Europe, the Americas, Africa. She even checks in with Barney. The infamous Hawkeye is gone with the wind.

She goes on a whim. On a shadow of a memory of Tokyo. Of him stitching her up. Of safety and warm alcohol. A disconnected safehouse. Off the grid. Shelter, nothing more.

It's not there, replaced by a luxury high-rise. Last few units remaining the realtor declares. Great, he'll be near the top then.

She hacks the database. It's easy enough. Flat 804.

It's quiet. Eerily so, and she prays to whatever deity will listen to not have another funeral so soon.

She knocks hard, demanding a reply, but she's no surprised when no one answers.

Simple locks make simple work, the door creaking open in spite of her pleas for quiet.

He's up and in the doorway. He's armed, fingers gripping to his old Glock. Simple, effective but not if he looks so indecisive. Like its somehow difficult choosing between the intruder and himself.

"Clint" She whispers, pressing a kiss to the side of his mouth letting his stubble scratch against her, "It's ok. Just me."

"Tasha" he breathes, taking her head into his hands. She holds them, noticing the way they shake, the way it makes it easy to dispossess him. Too easy. She notices the razor burn on his cheeks like he'd tried, tried to find himself amongst the rubble, "He's- I'm- I've fought so hard Tasha"

"I know, you've been so brave, but you don't have to be. I'm here, together yeah?"

He nods, letting her push her way into the apartment. The way she moves past the bottle piles and cracked walls with an effortless grace ignoring the smell of BO and alcohol. The lingering stench of rock bottom.

"Let's get you clean huh?"

He nods leading her to the bathroom. The flat has a bath graciously untouched and running hot water that leaves Natasha whispering a silent thank you to the powers that be.

She's well packed, well versed in Clint and all his emergencies. Magnesium enriched Epsom salts with lavender and chamomile, to soothe his sores and the anxious energy in his muscles. Clint recognises the box and nods reluctantly.

"Want to put some in?"

He doesn't, but he doesn't stop her adding a healthy amount. He strips down without her request, he isn't scared of being naked. Not with her. She's seen worse. She's seen the bodies on the floor, even helped organise the men that had taken Phil away, leaving the red smudge that seemed to imprint into his mind.

"Hey" She whispers kindly as if the past didn't hang so heavy between them "the water should be warm enough now. Go on, it won't bite"

He nods and steps in, if only to see her smile his last connection to humanity reflected back to him.

"Should we lay down?" She asks but she's already slowly lowering herself letting her arm dangle into the water.

He follows her. A little less steady but it's a start. She kisses his head, "Whatever you're on its strong"

Clint shrugs. Not strong enough.

"How long?"

"How long?" Natasha echos "long enough that I've missed you"

"No, how long in here?"

"Until I say so"

There's no quip just a nod and Natasha's heart breaks just a little more. She clings to the outside of the bath under his watchful gaze, humming songs she remembers from better times. Before gods and monsters and mayhem.

It takes a while for the salts to work their magic, making his limbs grow heavier, back to his control. The bath should be cool, if Natasha hadn't constantly refilled bringing it back to a good temperature. The one that melts the trickster god's ice.

"There, I've got something to get you dry" She whispers when he stands, requesting to be let out. She'd got it at the airport, so it's still fluffy with its new novel smell. He wraps it around his waist and she throws his clothes into the water left in the tub. Cleaning the air of the smell and giving him no choice but to choose the fresh clothes she's brought. He agrees to the pants, black with a purple stripe out the outside leg, the pair he always wore for long nights in.

"That's better" Natasha praises, directing him to the toilet, seat down, "you tried to shave-"

"I look like him" oh the original him. Barton Snr. The only man she hated more than Loki.

"I only see my partner" she whispers pressing another kiss to his cheek, "let me show you-"

She brings out a kit. A long-forgotten kit, one that only comes out for him. Her Barbers kit from her time attending to the soldiers. It's not the same, her tools had been blunted through use but the idea is still there. Buried deep through countless repetition.

Clints not like the soldiers. Even now he fidgets putting himself at her mercy. It's a long process, a Turkish shave, but each time it's worth it for the way he smiles, blushing under her tender touches. It's different this time, there's no more smiles but he shuts his eyes letting himself be pampered.

"There." She whispers placing a mirror into his hands once the act is done "There you are. Back again"

He nods, avoiding the man that glances back at him and she places her hands against the back of his neck.

"You cant ever ask for space again"

He nods.

"Not until I say so"

He nods. He's taken something, something strong. Detoxing will be a bitch but that was tomorrows battle.

"Bed?"

He doesn't nod, but he doesn't object either just leads her there as if she just wanted to see it. To check for proof of its existence.

There's no more fresh sheets, but the spare bedrooms untouched. Natasha's doubt's he'd left the living room much, not in this state.

He lays on the bed and waits for her to follow. Then he surrounds her, hands desperate to touch, to reassure his trembling grip on reality.

"I'm here. I'm here" she soothes

"You've been here before" he counters.

"Not like tonight"

He's quiet until he can't contain anymore "They took my mind"

"And I took it back"

"I killed him.

"Loki killed him. You were with me"

He nods, "You would have saved him."

"I made my choice"

"It wasn't your choice to make!"

They settle into the silence that follows. She doesn't expect an apology, she doesn't need one. She knew what it was like for someone to take your brain and play.

"Did you really think I wouldn't know you? That I wouldn't come looking" She whispers "I fought a god for you."

"And do you like your prize?"

"Now you sound like him"

"Cause he's still in there! I'd blow a hole in my head to let him out! to make it stop!"

"Don't- I need you" She's not beyond pleading, not for Clint.

He's quiet, until the tears come. They burn his freshly shaved skin so she stems them, blotting them out with her fingers.

"I'm here, it's ok" she's writing cheques she can't cash, making promises she can't keep "It can stop now, let me take it from here"

She offers out her arms as he'd done all those years before. His arms were bigger. It wasn't such a tight fit but her skills lay elsewhere. She lets her hands creep down his bareback. Recalling every last detail she can remember about her massage class back in Russia, when they'd promised her only gentle hands could wiggle out secrets. Before they corrected the lie.

He startles as she begins, if the sobs that shudder against her shoulder are any indication.

She shhs him, cradling him like a child

"It's just me"

She draws circles against his back, letting him strain away when she touches somewhere tender.

"Please, please don't fight me like you do him"

She lets her own tears slip away as he surrenders to her touch, feeling each muscle relax against her.

Until he surrenders to the deep sleep that pulls him under.

There's no more need to fight, for she grants him rest.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Life After Snowpiercer: Almost Time

Summery: Smut, day/s before revolt. Curtis Everett x Y/N

Word Count: 3k

Masterlist

Your scrambling among the passengers, soft mummers and curses once in a while falling from someone you accidentally clipped in the cramped quarters. Apologies falling from your lips in a soft rush as you tightened your thread bare jacket tighter around yourself, and huffed soft breathes into the collar. Your breathes collected in the fabric, warm and moist, pressing your lips and the tip of your nose into the musky fabric. Clean clothes didn't exist, haven't in the 17 years you existed in this dark speeding Hell, but at this point the smell of it all wasn't even noticed. Warmth was much more of a luxury at this point, one frequently sought for by everyone in the tail end. You had such plans for some tonight. After this of course. 

Towards the center you could see where a soft light emitted from a few barely working light bulbs, and a curtain blocking off a small cubby. Poking your head in, you were greeted with a chorus of y/n, small grubby hands reaching out to welcome you into there pig pile of a cot. Orphans of the train, it took all of the tail end to raise them, try to keep them hidden from Claude. You shush them with a giggle and check them over, giving cuddles to the smallest ones who sought it. 

“Hey rugrats, I brought something for you.” 

“What y/n?!”

All five of them scrambled in closer, clenching there hands in excitement and bright eyed as you dig into your pockets, and pull out the surprise. You had bargained with one of the passengers who somehow still managed to have a pad of paper. It was yellowed with age, rippled from moisture over the years and sported a few tears, but the kids knew no better. To them this was the epitome of what Santa Claus once was for the world. In your other pocket you pluck out pieces of coal that you scrounged for. The flinty pieces was awkward in the kids smaller hands, fumbling it till they had the grasp you had shown them before. Moving to sit cross legged, you spent a few minutes splitting the pages so each of them had a small bundle.

“Okay, you all have to share. This is all there is, so little pictures.”

Nods and promises were given, and you kissed there bowed heads, there focus now on this new wonderment. There was a promise that someone would be back in the morning to deal with breakfast, You slip out and straighten the curtain to block the light from any visitors from the front of the train. It was relevant they remained out of sight, out of mind. Claude get sight of them, they would all be dragged to the front. Your jaw clenches at the thought, painful memories you weren't ready for assaulting you until you pushed it towards the back of your mind once more.One day you would deal with the trauma, but not today. All of your lives at this point was about survival, old memories had no place here. No, its about the future. 

The never ending chill creeps up your back as you make your way towards the front of the train, counting the dark bunks as you make your way forward. Curtis would be waiting for you, just as he had been for the past few months since he moved you officially into his bunk. Dancing around each other for years, having become friends in there bid to maneuver survival. You had seen Curtis go from a scared teenager doing the unthinkable for survival, to the man he is today, a leader in the making. You trusted him more then anyone else, and would only follow his leadership short of Gilliam. Finally you think as you get to your destination. 

“Hey Edgar, just me.” you whisper to your friend in the bottom bunk as you place your foot against the edge of his cot, not to startle him as you heft yourself up to the top.He says something into the bundle he uses as a pillow, but you miss whatever he said. On hands and knees you slip inside, Curtis stretched out near the trains wall, and you turn around to adjust a blanket you had hung up to give a sense of privacy. Sure there really wasn't any, nothing they did was hidden from anyone else. But it was still a nice idea. 

“That was quick tonight” Curtis said as he moved to sit up, readjusting his black cap that had slipped slightly on his closely buzzed head. You crawled over closer, wrapping arms around his neck and leaning in against the plane of his chest, nuzzling his neck in an affectionate way. What can you say, You missed him today.

“You should have seen them Curtis, they were excited to get that paper. Can you believe Tam kept it all these years? It was worth trading in that ring.” You had carried around your mothers engraved ring for years, the stones still embedded in it shockingly, birth stones of yours and your brothers. It was an luxury item, purely held for sentimental reasons and of no value anymore. When you heard of the notepad, you retrieved it from the few items you still owned, and made a deal. It hurt to part with, but now you know it was worth it. 

Curtis hummed softly in agreement as his fingers loosened a curl at the nape of your neck, letting it twirl around his finger while he listened to you describe the rest of your day, his fingers encasing it between the tips to feel the softness. You wiggle in closer and slide your hands into his jacket he was still sporting, warming your digits among the many layers he was wearing. Settling right into his lap, you tip your face up to give him a kiss hello.

“Were you able to get a fresh batch of Kronoles?”

“They sent up a fresh batch, be careful this shit is strong. I was getting light headed handling it.”

He pulled out a wrapped kerchief from one of there stash sections, and your nose crinkled at the fumes. You were used to many things, but that heavy fumed waste was not one you could tolerate. 

“I cant believe anyone can stand that long enough to get high.”

His mood was serious as he shoved it away again, in the dark you couldn't see it on his face. But the weight of it all made him into a hard man, the set lines of his mouth didn't often upturn in a smile enough for your liking. Your hands slide down along his neck and over his shoulders. You could feel the many layers between the two of you, but still his warmth seeped through. Shivering slightly, you lean in against him and trail the tip of your cold nose against his neck. 

“So whats the next step? I know you went to see Gilliam today”

Curtis let his hands rub up and down your side, leaning back against the cold metal wall and brought you with him. Your eyes closed as your head leaned against his shoulder, listening to the him describe what had happened. 

“He thinks we should wait y/n, for another message. They are coming more frequent now. Were almost set. Just a few more barrels to make the ram.... “ He drifted off and you lifted your head when you didn't hear him continue. Tugging lightly on his shirt to bring his focus back instead of getting lost in his train of thought. 

“But you dont agree with Gilliam, do you?” you filled in the blank pause questioning, lowering your voice so no one by passing or Edgar underneath could hear your conversation. 

“I shouldn't question it I know. But why wait any longer? Y/n we have been back here long enough and I dont know how much longer we can live in this shit hole.”

Curtis confession made your chest ache, his voice so much more then what he was actually saying. The weight in it all made you want to curl in on yourself and just drift away. Nothing more did you want to do then to take that out of his voice. Turning slightly in his lap, you cupped his face and kissed him. Slow and gentle in your touch, your tongue traced along his full bottom lip till he opened to you. Shivering in reaction as he took control of the kiss, when you pulled back in a slight pant to entice him further. Your hands moving to link together behind his neck, looking in those shadowed blue eyes of his.

 “Curtis, warm me up please.... been fucking freezing all day” 

Shifting his weight to plunge you back into the bedding, still holding onto his neck while unfolding your legs to stretch out  and part your thighs so he could settle in between them, his weight pressing against your core. Laying this way, a bit of light shone through a hole in there curtain and you could see his blue eyes turn vividly aroused, now the corner of his mouth lifting enough to show amusement.

“Cold huh? Well lets change that shall we?” Always was he falling back into care taking mode, you knew he felt best taking action. Any form of action. 

Your head tipped back enough to allow the slim column of your neck to be tasted, nibbles and licks right by the pulse, right where he just knew would make you clutch at him in excitement. His hands slipped between the two of you and dragged your shirts up. Lifting enough to tug them over your head, and ball them for a cushion behind your head, you sighed softly as his hand palmed your breast. Fingertips circling the aerola before sliding over the tip. He watched your face when he lowered his mouth over the eager spot and sucked, tugging just enough to make it tighten, a guttered gasp escaping your lips. Your hands slid over his cap and tugged it away. You needed to touch him, not some god damn clothing.Your fingers brushed along his scalp, the prickles of short hair soft. 

“Mmmmhh, I cant wait till this is a bit longer again.”

He hummed against your breast, nipping in play at your nipple for what you said. “Any excuse to hold on to it right? Warming up any baby?”

“Oh I am warming up quite well, have you done this before?”

You teased as he moved to the other breast, using his hand now to continue teasing the first one, not allowing you to loose that rush. Your blood heating where his touch lingered, making you clench his hips in your thighs because that warmth was traveling downwards, and it felt. Oh. So. Good. His head lifted and now when the light caught his eyes, there was certainly a bit of teasing in them. His palm cupped between your thighs, his heel of the palm grinding just enough to put pressure on your clit, making you arch your back and push back looking for more. 

“A time or two, its hard to keep my hands to myself.”

His fingers continued rubbing you through the cloth, making you mewl softly and wriggle in place. Continuing his assault on your senses, his beard following the flow of your body and fingers went to slip into the bands of your bottoms. He was sure to go through all the layers till the elastic of your panties was found. Without needing prompting, your hips lifted so he could draw them down. A sharp nip to your belly, he shifted back onto his knees and slid the offending clothing away with your help, kicking your legs gently to rid of the pants. Here you were, without a thread of clothing on, and all he had yet to loose was his cap. You narrowed your eyes at the circumstance that always seemed to happen. He had a way of distracting you, that was for certain.

“Why is it i’m always naked before you even loose anything, Curtis?” you attempted to sound in shock, but horribly failed at that. Your hands slide over your chest and down your stomach with a moan. That brought a smirk to his face as his hands slid along your knees towards the inside of your thighs to spread them for him. His head cocked a bit and teeth pulled at his bottom lip as he admired the sight before him. 

“Because your a sight for my sore eyes, and like I said before. I cant get enough of you, especially like this.”

It brought out a giggle, fuck if that man didn't know how to make you fall for him, and he lowered himself between your legs. His beard dragging along quivering thighs and a hand spreading lips to the pink warmth of your core. Anticipation had you whimpering softly and biting at the inside of your cheek. 

That first drag of his tongue slicing through your arousal caused you to gasp, although you two have been intimate plenty of times, it just felt that good to be touched by him. From your entrance to clit, the swirl of his tongue captured the bud and pressed, pulled, pressured out the release of your juices. Your legs widened further, bracing a foot against the cold metal of the train wall, and your other heel braced against his lower back, curling your toes to dig in. Now his laps against you were faster as he collected all you released, his heavy hand bracing against your stomach, your muscles fluttering under his palm. Holding you down for the moment. His groans traveled through your body, a vibration that collected in your body as you gave a whiny moan, your fingers lacing behind his neck to press him against you tighter, fuck yes he can bring you high as he wanted, you will jump off that cliff any day for him. 

“Thats right Baby, let me have it all.” Curtis bit your bud lightly before pulling back, spitting on his fingers for added lube and spread it all over your core. A long digit pressed at your entrance, and opened for him, clenching and pulling, welcoming the fullness, causing you to hiss between your teeth. He watched you build up, pulling back out and adding another, stretching you further for him. A curl of his knuckles pressed his fingertips to a soft spongy spot, and from that blossomed a white hot pleasure. Another drag of his tongue collected what you released from around his fingers and he encouraged you on with urgent words while your thighs started to clasp around his head, so close. 

 “Let it go Baby, you know you want to”

“You can do this, your so fucken hot all needy like this”

“Fuck baby, I cant wait to be inside you”

And the final one that sent her spiraling. “Cum for me now” 

One of your hands let go of his neck to cover your mouth, clenching your channel around his fingers to the point it ached all the muscles in your core, seeking that touch only he could fill you with. His free hand steadied your hips as they jerked and grinded, finally loosening your hold on his head and looking up at him trying to catch your breath. When he lifted his head, your arousal was all over his chin, caught in the hairs of his beard. The back of his hand swiped across his lips while you slowly came back down from your orgasm. 

Unclasping your hand from over your mouth, you stretch a bit, while Curtis shrugged off his own jacket, and pulled shirts over his head. When he was like this, he looked HUGE, wide shoulders sliding down to lean hips, his body marked with a spattering of scars from various times in there dangerous life. There were no Doctors in the tail-end, they had to manage on there own. You couldn't see the long one along his rib, but when he leaned over you, traveling back up your body with kisses and nips, your fingers sought it out, tracing it lightly. 

“That was good, are we doing round two now?” You whispered as his chin brushed between your cleavage, trying not to yelp when he gave a warning nip to the underside of your breast.

“As if you would say no to me Baby!” He retorted as his hands unbuckled his belt and his pants slid down enough to release his cock, hard rigid length pressing against his lower stomach, his hand circling it at the base. The sight of him welled up heat, blossoming in spirals in your abdomen, sinking low in a ache.

Already you were tilting your hips, ready to take him. Covering you with his body, a hand directing your leg to lope over his hip, and sliding the head of his cock between your folds. You arch again when he nears your entrance, whimpering into his mouth that met yours. You wanted him, Needed to feel him. And that desire was met when he pressed his hips forward to fill your channel. Pausing when you would whimper and tighten, he would pause to stretch around him before continuing. His forehead pressing to yours and when you looked at him, you could see the muscles in his jaw clench, under your hands his shoulders were bunched with holding himself on his forearms. 

You felt so full of him, when he bottomed, a gasp escaped you, burying your face into his neck, breathing deeply. You could hear his own ragged breaths escaping from where he was holding himself still till you were ready. Your hands moved to his back and grasped the expanse, brushing your lips along his neck, whimpering your need to him

“I need you Curtis”

And that was all it took, his hips jutted and pulled back, slow at first til he sped himself up, bouncing you slightly off your bunk, your other leg loping over his hip and tightening to draw yourself in closer. Spiraling heat started at your spine and wherever his skin met with friction against yours it burned, in all the best ways. Your moans and whimpers turned higher pitched, and your fingers raked down his back now to grasp his tightened ass, Pulling him in closer, deeper, harder. Hips rutting in and out till YES, he hit your trigger and you yelled his name urgently. He swore above you and clasped a hand over your mouth to try and muffle it. If anyone didn't know what you two were doing earlier, they certainly did now. Your eyes rolled back, and your channel tightened around his member, finding this time the fullness you craved before.

You didn't even warn him, your orgasm ripping through you. In the darkness you could hear him grunting above you, deep thrusts and the word FUCK hissed before he pulled from you, thick streams of seed spilling across your stomach and thighs. Still smothering you underneath him, kissing your neck and shoulders, now gentle caresses soothed along your shoulders and neck to bring you back to him. Your fingers loosened there grip and smoothed up his back while you both returned, heavy breathing turning steadier. You winced when your hands found welts your nails had caused, muttering in his ear. “Sorry”

Curtis lifted his head and kissed your lips in a far more innocent way then before, shifting slightly so he wasn't trapping you underneath him any longer, He finished kicking off his pants he hadn't managed to remove all the way earlier.  Reaching behind him, he searched for anything to wipe away his seed away. You purred at the tender touch on your still heightened skin, nerves thrumming pleasure along your senses.

“Why are you sorry? Thats nothing you haven't given me before. Also a good reminder tomorrow of the fun we had.”

You rolled your eyes at him and when he laid back down, you moved to crawl into his hold, head resting on his shoulder and weaving your legs between his. His arm reached in the dark till he found his heavy coat and other pieces of clothing that could be used to cover and slid it over the two of you. You buried yourself into all of it, finally warm and now your eyelids felt heavy. His hand slid along your hip and the back of your thigh, further lulling you into bliss. 

Beneath you two after several moments of silence, you could hear Edgar grumble in the bunk below and Curtis snap at him “Shut up Edgar”, leaving you hiding your heated face and laughing before drifting off into sleep. 

@curtisbbq​

[stomachflu]

Ooo, for c//ritical r//oll concept, something with sick Mollymauk? Maybe he's got a really bad stomach flu but is covering it super well with his usual showmanship. He's gotten used to taking care of himself and not showing weakness while on the road-- cant miss a performance for a lil bug. Pretends to be totally fine until he crashes, cue the rest of the m9 taking care of him? Bonus for belly rubs and drawn out nausea.

🚫don’t rb to non-sickfic/emeto/kink blogs, thanks!🚫

thank you so much for this really good prompt! i’ve been working on this for a REALLY LONG TIME but cr//itical r/-/oll has become one of my new fave interests so i enjoyed writing this a lot!

have over 5k of nausea buildup, multiple puking sessions, and caretaking!

(i only realized after writing this fic that not only does jester not have the cure illness spell, but it’s not even a spell in dnd 5e, and i’m thinking of a similar spell from my 3.5e campaign. whoops! there’s probably a lot more errors in here due to me being new to the show, so please be nice to me and ignore them! ^_^)

Molly certainly hadn't objected to taking shelter out of the storm, but the town was small, with only a few small rooms in their only inn, and not much in the way of entertainment, so by all means, he should've been more than happy to be moving on as soon as the rain passed.

The thing was, he had definitely picked up something in that weather. He'd spent most of the previous day huddled in blankets, trying to rid himself of the chills that racked his body. He was lucky that they'd had enough money for four rooms this time, luckier still that Beau and Jester were still insistent upon rooming together, and Caleb and Nott were stuck like glue, leaving him and Fjord with separate rooms. Molly had to make appearances at mealtimes, of course, but he'd put on a good show then, mustering up enough energy to entertain the room with simple tricks – disappearing coins and such.

Molly had hoped that it was just a momentary illness, that it would pass in time, but when he'd woken up burning with fever, he knew he was in it for the long haul. He felt terrible, hot and cold at the same time, aching down to his very bones. It hurt to swallow, but he needed energy if he was going to beat this, so he choked down breakfast as quickly as possible.

The sky was clear now, not a cloud in sight, and they needed to be moving on. The group didn't have time to waste on a cold – Molly was no use bedridden, and, besides, there was nothing that would cure him but time. Jester needed her spells, and it wasn't like he wouldn't have plenty of time to rest in the cart.

Once they jerked into motion, though, Molly quickly realized that he'd made a mistake. He had eaten breakfast with everyone else, and his stomach was not happy with that decision. He took deep breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth, trying to concentrate on something other than his suddenly-churning gut.

Probably motion sickness. Traveling had never made him ill before, but there was a first time for anything. If he had to guess, it probably had to do with how dizzy he was – having the world spin around him while he was jostled back and forth? That would make anyone queasy. What was it that people always said? Something about focusing on the horizon, but that just made him feel more queasy.

Fjord had the reigns, with Caleb keeping watch next to him, so Molly snuck a glance at the rest of the group – Nott and Beau in an animated conversation, Jester with her sketchbook – and risked placing a hand on his tender belly, rubbing it gently. He swallowed back a burp, grimacing as the pressure in his stomach only increased.

The sun was still high in the sky, and Molly needed a distraction from what was quickly becoming nausea, so he spread out his cards in front of him, shuffling through his deck.

"Ooh!" Jester exclaimed, bouncing into a sitting position across from him. "Do a reading for me, please?"

Despite himself, Molly smiled. With his view of the horizon blocked, he did feel a little better. Perhaps it was simply motion sickness after all.

"Alright, cut the deck for me – good. Now, two more times..."

--

Molly's momentary relief didn't last long. He did a reading for Jester, and then one for Beau. By the time Nott asked, he was certain his fever was up, sweat beading on his forehead, so he feigned exhaustion and put the cards away.

His stomach hurt. It was an on-and-off kind of pain, the cramps coming in intervals, leaving him shivering with chills each time. Maybe it's simply hunger, Molly thought, fishing out some strips of dried jerky out of his bag and gnawing on them absently. At any rate, he needed to eat to get over this illness, but putting food in his mouth, but swallowing it down just made him more nauseous.

He needed to throw up.

The thought struck Molly at the same. time that a wave of nausea washed over him, and he swallowed hard. Not right now, not this moment, but at some point in the near future, he was going to vomit.

The cart pulled off to the side of the road, jostling Molly's sick stomach and forcing a soft burp up his throat.

"Alright," Fjord said, hopping down from his position at the reins. "Short break to feed and water the horses, but 's about all I got in me. Anyone else wanna drive?" A beat in which nobody else answered, and he repeated, "Anyone...?"

"Fuck it, fine, I'll do it," Beau grumbled.

"If we are to be switching positions, is there anyone else who would like to take watch?" Caleb asked.

Molly slowly slid out of the cart, his hot, aching joints protesting every movement.

"I volunteer," he said. Maybe the fresh air would help. Already, he felt a bit better, standing in the open air like this.

That was settled, then. Fjord and Nott went about taking care of the horses, and the others took their time walking about, stretching or disappearing into the woods bordering either side of the road to relieve themselves.

Molly was glad for the thick cover of trees – the second he was out of sight of the cart, he clutched his belly with both hands, bending over at the waist. The pressure helped, but his stomach was still churning. He felt awful, knew that he needed to throw up now if he was going to keep up appearances.

Molly traipsed a little further into the underbrush, determined to keep out of earshot of the others, and... waited. He was nauseous, yes, but not nearly to the degree that he had been when he was sitting in the back of the cart.

Come on, puke already, he thought. Absentmindedly, he reached underneath his shirt to rub his stomach, the taut skin hot with fever under his palm. Almost immediately, a gurgling burp shot up his throat, and he leaned forward expectantly.

Saliva flooded into his mouth, and Molly spit onto the dirt, throat tightening in a gag. A sick belch brought up a thin mouthful of foamy bile, and he retched again and again as the liquid pattered onto the dirt.

He didn't bring anything else up, though he remained bent over at the waist. Molly knew he couldn't stay here forever – he was already pushing the limits of what the others would believe, had his excuse of needing privacy to relieve himself been true. Anyways, his stomach felt... not good, not even better, but he wasn't on the verge of puking anymore. Maybe he could make it 'till nightfall.

As he traipsed back towards the cart, he suddenly realized why nobody had gone looking for him, why his absence had gone unnoticed. Standing in a circle around Fjord and Nott were a group of bandits, weapons drawn. Molly was too far away to tell, but by their gestures, he would have bet that they were demanding the cart, and everything on it.

Sighing, he drew his swords. It was going to be a long day.

--

They made quick work of the bandits, dispatching their leader and sending the others running into the woods, pursued by a few of Nott's arrows. It had been a good thing that Molly hadn't asked Jester for a healing spell earlier, though, because Fjord had taken a heavy blow to the chest, and Jester used almost all of her spell slots healing him.

And so they were back on their way, with Molly perched at the front of the cart, acting as lookout. The crisp air was helping a bit – he felt less foggy, like his head wasn't quite so stuffed with cotton. His stomach, however...

Right on cue, his stomach gurgled, and Molly winced, pressing a hand to his midsection. He could feel it bubbling under his skin, everything he'd eaten churning around in there.

Oh. Oh no. A cold sweat washed over his body, and Molly swallowed back the taste of bile.

"Beau?" he asked, swallowing back a belch.

"Yeah?" She wasn't even looking at him, so he allowed himself to press three fingers to his mouth, muffling another queasy burp.

"Would you mind stopping for a moment? I need to, ah – you know, relieve myself."

"Again? We just fucking stopped," Beau grumbled, but she dutifully pulled the horses over to the side of the road anyways, and Molly gratefully slid off of the cart, walking into the treeline as fast as his queasy belly would allow him.

He was gagging before he even came to a stop, a thin trickle of vomit splashing onto the leaves at his feet. He belched up a thick mouthful of undigested food, and then he couldn't stop burping, the sight of his pale vomit on the dark leaves making him more and more nauseous.

Calm down, Molly willed his stomach. He needed to stop puking, he needed to get his churning guts under control and –

Another sickly gag, and Molly managed a mouthful of watery puke. He hovered there for almost a full minute, mouth slightly open, too queasy to even wipe away the thick ropes of saliva trickling from his lips to the ground.

Was that it? He didn't feel done. If anything, his stomach was more bloated than ever, and he didn't feel any less nauseous, but, yet again, he couldn't stay here.

"Done?" Beau asked, hopping back up onto the cart as he approached. Molly took a more careful method, gingerly leveraging himself up so that he wouldn't have to bend over, keeping one hand under the small bloat of his gurgling stomach. It didn't do much, but the illusion of supporting his belly, keeping it from being jostled – it almost convinced him to feel less queasy.

"My apologies," he said simply, muffling a nauseous burp into his fist.

Beau looked at him strangely but only shook her head, taking the reins in hand. "Let's get this show on the fuckin' road!"

He had made a mistake. Molly knew this from the moment the cart jolted to life. Not only was he not done being sick, but the motion was too much to handle. A gag rose up in his throat, and he risked the motion of pressing the back of his hand to his lips as he rode it out. His mouth filled with vomit, and he swallowed it back with effort, and then kept swallowing, throat hitching in an attempt to heave.

Molly sat as still as possible, arms wrapped around his stomach, not even trusting himself to raise his head. The cart hit a particularly bad dip in the road, and his tongue arched in a gag, and he could taste bile on his tongue, and –

"Shit, Beau, pull over," he managed tightly, his throat closing in on a gag. She protested, probably about to make a terrible joke, and then he retched, and she looked over at him in alarm.

She'd yanked the horses over to the side of the road, but he was vomiting over the side of cart before it even came to a stop. He tried to climb down, but it was more of an undignified scramble as he gagged again, adding to the puddle in the grass.

By this point, the others had taken notice, and he was surrounded by a blurry semicircle of his friends as he fell to a crouching position, gagging again and again until he belched up a torrent of puke that splashed everywhere.

He was crying, Molly realized. His face was a mess of tears and snot, thick ropes of spit dangling from his mouth. It felt as if the nausea was never going to go away. He remained there on his hands and knees, panting and belching for what felt like an eternity, until he felt strong arms under his that pulled him to his feet.

Fjord had pulled him up, and was still supporting most of Molly's weight as Jester bounced into his hazy field of view.

"You're sick! Why didn't you tell us?" she demanded, pressing a hand to his forehead. He tried to answer, but couldn't open his mouth for fear of gagging. "Oh, Mol-ly," Jester said in her lilting accent, voice light and almost... teasing? "You have a fever."

"I know that," he managed. "You n – urrp!" He burped into his fist, trying to fight back the wave of nausea that was coming on strongly now. "You need your spells."

"Well, I have one left, so you should have told me," Jester said, voice still light as she fished the Traveler's symbol out from her cloak and pressed it to his belly. "I am going to cast Cure Illness and then you are going to feel better, all right?"

Molly nodded, and the symbol began to glow as Jester concentrated. All at once, a feeling of wrongness washed over him, the nausea surging back tenfold, and he pitched over and vomited on Jester's shoes.

--

"I really do apologize," Molly said miserably for what might have been the tenth time. "I wasn't aiming for you at all."

"My shoes can be cleaned!" Jester said brightly, crouching barefoot in the grass next to him. "You really do need to keep drinking, though."

After Jester's spell had failed and his stomach had calmed somewhat, they'd half-dragged, half-carried him a good bit away from the puddle he'd left on the ground. Fjord had handed him a handkerchief to wipe his mouth with ("Please, keep it.") and Caleb had fished a handful of dry, bland crackers out of his pocket, instructing Molly that he needed to both drink to avoid dehydration, and fill his stomach with something inoffensive if he could.

More like something stale, Molly thought, nibbling on the edge of a cracker. Thinking about how long they'd been in Caleb's pockets made his gorge rise, but before he could ruminate on the thought for too long and make himself sick, Beau walked over from where she'd been huddled with Caleb, Fjord, and Nott.

"Alright, here's the plan," she announced, map in hand. "We obviously can't camp here, so we're gonna get'cha back in the cart and find somewhere where we can settle down for the night, take it nice and slow. There're some towns we could make it to before sundown, but we'd have to go at a pretty fast clip, and I really do not want you puking over all of my things."

"That is very agreeable to me," Molly said, placing a hand on his sour stomach. At Jester's urging, he ate a few more of the crackers and drank deeply from the waterskin as everyone else worked out the logistics of their new plan.

A wave of dizziness washed over him, followed by a chill traveling down his spine, and Molly put his head between his knees, breathing deeply. He could do this. Now that he'd vomited, he would feel better any minute now –

"Molly? Do you think you can stand on your own, or should I be helping you?" Jester asked.

"Thanks for the offer, but I can stand," he said, pulling himself to his feet. His belly felt awful, all the water he'd drank churning in a way that really didn't feel good. He could actually hear his guts sloshing as he heaved himself back up onto the cart.

Jester frowned as he put a hand on the bloat of his still-tender stomach. "Are you feeling bad again? Do you need to vomit?"

"Yes, and maybe," Molly said, swallowing thickly. "Not right now. Probably soon."

"Get him set up in the back of the cart," Beau suggested dryly. "If he's gotta puke, he can do it over the edge. If we stay here any longer, it’s gonna get dark."

"That's a good idea!" Jester exclaimed. As Molly shivered with fever, she collected his blankets and bedroll, setting them in the back of the cart, close enough that he would only need to turn his head to vomit over the side. He gratefully settled into the little nest she'd built for him, arms wrapped around his protesting stomach now that he didn't have to hide his illness. Jester sat next to him, humming as she pulled out her sketchbook.

The cart jolted back to life, and Molly swallowed back a sour belch. His stomach was cramping again, and he screwed his eyes shut, tongue rising in a silent gag. He slipped his hand under his shirt to rub his stomach, only to feel a small hand on his wrist.

"Oh! This looks very painful," Jester said, scooting closer to place her hand on the swell of his stomach. "Does it hurt to touch?"

Molly shook his head. "Just hurts in general. Cramps, I'm..." He trailed off as the cart hit a pothole on the road, causing him to burp lightly into his fist. "I'm feeling a bit queasy right now, to be honest."

"Would it help if I rubbed your stomach?" Jester asked, already untucking the loose fabric of his shirt from his pants and rucking it up to his chest.

"Normally, I'd ask you to buy me dinner first, but..." The suggestive joke was lost as Jester poked experimentally at his stomach. Even if he'd wanted to, Molly couldn't fake being healthy now with his flushed, swollen belly on display, gurgling and churning audibly. Her touch ushered up a soft burp, and he blushed a bit, uncomfortable with the sheer amount of sickness, of vulnerability he was showing.

"Did that feel good? I bet it did!" Jester said, continuing to gently skim her hand over his stomach.

He had to give it to her, Jester was good with her hands. She rubbed his stomach in widening circles, slowly increasing the pressure as she went, switching to kneading the sides of his bloated belly every so often, pressing in with her thumbs as she did so. It seemed as if she knew just when to push in deeply, releasing a pocket of air that had been trapped, finally letting him burp it up.

As they bounced around, Molly's burps became more frequent and more queasy. At some point, he had to ask Jester to stop so he could fish out Fjord's handkerchief, and he pressed that against his mouth now, muffling increasingly wet belches.

"I hate to ask, but –" He gagged, mouth closed. "Jes, do you have any healing spells left?"

Molly's stomach gave a particularly loud gurgle, and Jester pressed in hard, dragging her hand along where it was bubbling the most. "I'm sorry, that was my last one! I won't have any more until tomorrow".

"Okay," he choked out, fighting back another gag. "I'm going to vomit again."

He turned his head and did just that, retching harshly over the side of the cart. A series of burps brought up small mouthfuls of water and undigested crackers. He gagged and belched over and over, only aware of the sensation of Jester's cool hands on his stomach, soothing away cramps and then pressing in each time he heaved.

The next thing he knew, Beau was supporting his back, trying to get him to sit up, and Jester was wiping his face with a cool rag. "Not done –" he tried to croak, but retched dryly before he could even finish the sentence.

"It's okay, go ahead and puke!" Jester said brightly, folding the cloth and cupping it under his mouth.

Molly shook his head, lips pressed tightly shut. He was gonna make a mess, he needed to turn back over the side – but Jester held his chin steadily, keeping his head over her cupped hands, and he retched again and again, bringing up more than a mouthful of stringy bile that was easily absorbed by the cloth.

"Think you're empty, dude," Beau said after a few minutes of fruitless gagging. Molly shook his head, one hand pressed to his aching chest. "Look, okay, I'm gonna teach you some monk shit, right?"

"'Kay," Molly managed, immediately choking on a retch.

"This breathing shit, it's supposed to keep you centered, or something like that? I dunno. Anyways. You're gonna breathe in through your nose for eight counts –" She counted him up, and Molly shakily inhaled, fighting back gags all the while. "–And then out through your mouth for another eight."

On five, Molly gagged, slapping his hand across his mouth even though he knew he had nothing left to lose.

"You gotta keep doing it, okay? Don't stop fucking breathing. It helps me when I'm motion sick; you'll feel better soon."

He hoped so. Molly leaned back, listening to the quiet count of eight-seven-six-five-four... He breathed in. He breathed out.

--

By nightfall, they'd found a small clearing with enough room to pull over the cart and horses and lay out bedrolls. Molly mostly dozed through the process, lying in his nest of blankets in the back of the cart, watching proceedings through half-lidded eyes.

"Molly should be nearest to the fire!" Jester insisted. "Look at him, he's shaking!"

"Don't think that you're supposed to let someone with a fever get any hotter," Fjord drawled. "Maybe we oughta help him cool down first."

The cart rocked a bit as Beau clambered up, sitting cross-legged next to Molly. "Hey," she said. "I'm supposed to make sure that you're drinking water. Are you?"

Molly made a face. He'd been trying to, really, but it just didn't feel good.

"Shit," Beau said. "You gonna puke again?"

"No, it's more like..." He grimaced again, waving a hand in the general direction of his stomach. "Cramps. Hurts."

"Puking all day really took it out of you, huh?"

Molly nodded. His stomach muscles were just sore. Even sitting up hurt; he really didn't want to have to puke again. Just for Beau, he took a small sip of water.

"Excuse me," Caleb said, appearing on Molly's right like a ghost. "I could not help but overhear you say that you were experiencing, ah..." He tried a few words in Zemnian before landing on, "Pain, soreness, in the stomach?"

"Yeah," Beau said, and Molly flashed her a grateful smile. His throat was raw from stomach bile, and talking hurt. "Probably from puking too much. Y'know, if you keep that up, I bet you could get a fucking amazing set of abs," she said, elbowing Molly.

"What makes you think mine aren't already stunning?" he retorted.

"I do not think Molly wishes to repeat such... an intense performance," Caleb said, already flipping through one of his books. "Can I have... yes, that, give me that."

Beau tossed him one of the blankets that had been cast aside, and Caleb caught it in one hand, deftly folding it into a compact square and working some sort of magic on it, something that made both his hands and the blanket glow.

"Here," he said at last. "It is enchanted to stay warm for at least a few hours. Not as good as a heating pack, but, under these circumstances..."

"Thank you, Caleb," Molly rasped, nodding his head in gratitude. The folded blanket was warm to the touch, and he peeled off the other blankets to set it on his stomach, the tension instantly draining out of him as warmth spread through his body. The effect was like taking a hot bath after an intense fight – not completely relieving his aches and pains, but making them much more bearable.

Eventually, Molly was able to stand as Beau and Jester moved his bedroll over to the fire, but he gratefully sank back into the blankets as soon as possible. Even with his makeshift heating pad, he was left trembling with both cold and exhaustion, his energy sapped by just a few simple movements.

"You need to eat, Molly!" Jester exclaimed. "It will make you stronger, you know?"

"I'm good, thanks," Molly said, and then, at her intensifying glare, added, "Really, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Well, Fjord is making soup, so! You should eat it anyways."

"'S less of a soup and more of... I dunno. Leftover meat in water?"

"Hot water," Molly said. He was feeling well enough to joke with the others, at least.

He thought to close his eyes and get some rest, but an insistent poking at his shoulder startled Molly out of any chance at sleep, and he turned his head to see Nott crouched next to him, holding a vial in one green hand.

"Here!" she said, pushing the vial into his own hand and closing his fingers around it when he just stared. "You have to drink it!"

"What is this?" Molly asked, holding the vial up to the light. The glass was dirty, nearly opaque, but the liquid inside seemed to be thick and viscous, a texture that made his gorge rise. "Medicine?"

"Yes! Sort of! It will help settle your stomach, make it hurt less. Probably!"

"Nott," Molly said slowly, "did you make this yourself?" She had the chemistry kit, yes, but from the amount of times he had seen her make acid with it, he didn't want to drink anything that came from one of her vials.

"Yeees," she said slowly, stretching the word out. "But it works!" At Molly's doubtful look, she added, "I drank it before, several times! When I had too much to drink, or when I was hungover, or..."

"All right, I get it, thank you," Molly said. "I appreciate the thought."

He uncorked the vial and peered inside. The liquid was a muddy brown, and grit rose to the top as he swirled it. Well, what did he have to lose, besides his lunch? He tipped the contents into his mouth, gagging on the texture but forcing it down in one swallow. The aftertaste was absolutely vile, and he lurched forward, clapping a hand against his mouth as his stomach threatened to revolt.

"You gotta keep it down!" Nott exclaimed. "Otherwise, it doesn't work."

Molly hummed, rocking back and forth as he tried to swallow back the bile that was creeping up his throat. A muffled gag sent the potion flooding into his mouth, filling his cheeks out, and if was only by sheer willpower that he swallowed it down again.

"Ugh," Molly said when the nausea had passed. "You have a stronger stomach than I do, my friend."

Nott beamed at him with a mouthful of sharp teeth, and Molly found the strength to laugh.

After another few minutes of quiet chatter, it became evident that the potion had worked, at least in some capacity. Molly's stomach felt more sure, like that tight queasiness had abated somewhat, and he was able to entertain the thought of food without gagging. Maybe he really was on the mend.

"You know what?" he asked. "Maybe I'll try some of that soup after all."

--

Molly woke up shaking, drenched in sweat, and with a growing sense of queasiness in his belly. He tried to ignore the latter – he had been feeling a bit better, just weak, and he didn't want to get up – but the churning and bubbling under his hand wasn't going away, and he didn't enjoy the thought of soiling the campgrounds.

With a muffled groan, he rolled over, his stomach protesting every move as he stood. It was bloated again, he noticed, far more than last time. Clearly, the soup he'd eaten wasn't sitting well at all.

"You are awake," Caleb observed from his post as watchman. "What are you doing?"

"Need some privacy," Molly said quietly, giving him a small half-smile. He didn't want to wake anyone else, didn't want the attention –

"Are you going to vomit?"

"That too," he muttered.

"I will come with you," Caleb announced. "You are ill, and I would feel – badly, if anything happened to you."

"You don't have to," Molly said, pressing his hand against his sour stomach. His nausea was mounting quickly, a sure sign that he needed to leave before he redecorated the campsite. "You're on watch duty, besides."

"I have this." Caleb gestured to the silver thread wound 'round the perimeter. "I will know if anything happens while we are gone."

"As you wish." Molly pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, burping quietly. He traipsed into the woods yet again, Caleb at his heels. When the dying light of the campfire was no longer visible, he allowed himself to stop, stretching out one arm to lean on a nearby tree and breathing heavily.

Sweat beaded on his forehead, and he focused on breathing in through his nose, out through his mouth. Beau's exercises didn't make him any less nauseous, but his heart wasn't beating quite so fast, and it helped him breathe through some of the worst cramps.

"Are you still going to vomit?" Molly jumped, nearly forgetting that Caleb was with him. The other man stood a few feet away, head tilted curiously to the side. "I thought you said you were nauseous."

"I will, eventually." Another cramp seized his middle, and Molly winced, bending forward and clamping his hand down on his stomach. The movement jarred a long, deep belch up his throat, and he stayed there for a moment, the taste of acid on the back of his tongue. "It's coming up, just – I'm waiting."

"I see."

Saliva was beginning to collect in Molly's mouth, and he parted his lips, allowed it to fall to the forest floor. No point in holding it back now. "You should head back now, if you don't want to be disgusted. It's not – uuuurp–gh!" A deep, rumbling burp turned into a gag, and Molly clapped his hand against his mouth as he spoke, voice muffled by his fingers. "It's not pretty."

"I am not disgusted," Caleb said, his clipped accent making the words sharper, somehow. "It is merely a function of the body, no more or no less. You are ill, ja? Let your body do what it needs to."

"Mmm." Molly gagged audibly, spitting a glob of thick saliva onto the ground. He felt awful, sick and dizzy again, wanting nothing more than to get this over with.

"Beau said earlier that rubbing your stomach helped, yes? Would you like me to... shall we say, get things started for you?"

"Please," Molly practically begged, shaking with nausea. Caleb silently walked behind him, wrapping his arms around Molly, fingers resting on the base of his stomach. "I can't believe you're not absolutely grossed out by this."

"Like I said, I would like to be of help."

Unlike Jester, Caleb's hands were warm, almost hot to the touch, and Molly wondered if he was doing that with magic. He didn't waste any time, just waited until Molly's stomach cramped and then pushed in, hard.

Molly immediately belched up a hot torrent of vomit, the soup he'd consumed earlier splattering at his feet in a foamy mess. Caleb didn't let up, keeping up a steady pattern of squeezing and then letting go, ushering up wet burps alternating with splashes of thick vomit. Nott's potion, he recognized with disgust. It tasted even worse coming up.

When he was belching emptily, Caleb released his stomach, turning Molly to face him.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"I'm – urp! – waiting on the next round," Molly said. Caleb held out a waterskin, and Molly shook his head queasily.

"You know, vomiting on an empty stomach is never much fun," Caleb insisted quietly.

Molly got a few swallows down before he gagged directly into the waterskin, spraying watery puke onto his hand and arm and down his chest, soaking his nightshirt. He choked on it, coughing and spitting out mouthfuls of water and bile, gulping down gags and trying his best to catch his breath.

When the coughing fit stopped, though, his stomach had stopped churning. The cooling vomit on his shirt and beads of sweat on his forehead let him know that his fever had broken, too.

"That was absolutely vile, but I feel – better," he said under Caleb's questioning gaze. "I didn't catch you in any of that, did I?"

"Oh!" Caleb said, as if he had never even considered the possibility. "No, I believe that my clothing is... unscathed, for now. Are you finished?"

Molly wiped his mouth on his sleeve, making a face. "For now. I'll probably have to puke again later, but I don't enjoy the idea of sitting out here and waiting for it."

"If it would help," Caleb offered, "you might sit with me while you wait for your stomach to settle."

Molly smiled, despite himself. "I just might take you up on that, my friend."

[wolfoftheautumn]

River was lying in the bed awaiting her wife who was still working at the table . She looked over to see the spy mistress with a quill in hand reading a document and signing another. Since the announcement of their pregnancy she had been working harder. River had taken bed rest at the end but she was missing her wife’s arms around her and the cute little chats with the baby bump. “Darling?” She asked. She watched her a moment and shook her head “Xenia" She said finally.

Xenia seemed to snap out of it putting quill and paper down going over “What is it my sweet are you having contractions?” she asked worried. River seen bags under her eyes. “I simply miss you please lay with me we need attention" She stated. Xenia smiled as she carefully got in their bed and pulled her close. Two arms wrapped around her waist, one arm on the bump and the last around her shoulders. “I'm sorry my sweet girls I am simply trying to finish the last of our work before you give birth" She said pressing a sweet kiss to her temple. River smiled “I know darling but you need sleep as well. You wouldn’t want to fall asleep during the delivery now would you?” She asked. She chuckled “Of course not, I haven’t been this happy since I heard you were pregnant my sweet" She said.

Xenia rubbed small patterns into the bump smiling “Our little princess" Xenia said in a dreamy voice. River laughed “Yes our little princess" She said. River could remember the day she found out that she was indeed pregnant she remembered when she told Xenia that night. That was the last night Xenia had slept a full nights sleep. She had started to move meeting and things that were less important aside. She had also tightened security wherever they went or even in the castle. River closed her eyes “Are you ready for our little princess?” She asked. She could see Xenia smile “So very ready, I thought I had lost a dream, a chance" She spoke fondly “But soon we will be mothers I feel our little princess will come soon" She said. Xenia gently shifted and kissed the bump “Momma cant wait to see you and teach you so much" She said.

River smiled she could see and hear the love as Xenia talked to the bump and that made her the happiest. Xenia talked to the bump for close to an hour before she returned back to her position. River was close to falling asleep as she was held and comfortable. River awoke in pain and the bottom of the bed wet she knew what was happening she was going into labor “Xenia the baby is coming" She said as she looked to the table where she knew her wife was. Xenia looked up this was the moment they were waiting for what they had prepared for; For the spy mistress she felt sluggish like she couldn’t comprehend what was just said. When it did register a second later she jumped “Ruelle the baby is coming! Fetch the midwife” She called. She was over in an instant to River holding her hand.

Many hours later and through a lot of screaming and gritted teeth the cry of a baby came from the room. The gathered royals outside were celebrating the small cry Ruelle was keeping them at bay and telling them that the queens needed rest and that they should and would come back later. Inside the room River was propped up with so many pillows. Xenia had never left her side. The midwife had cleaned the baby and wrapped her in a blanket being so careful bringing her over to her mother’s. Xenia moved out of the way as she was transferred to River.

River smiled looking down at their daughter. Her ashen colored skin was beautiful her ears were like hers right now they were small and pointy. She also had four arms and she had a hand full of little red hair. “Our sweet Belladonna" River said softly as their child was quiet. Xenia was at a loss for words. “Dear please come sit hold our baby" She said. Xenia went to the side of the bed and sat with River and their child. Xenia watched as River started to hand her over being so careful. Xenia took her making sure Belladonna was properly supported. The spy mistress was at a loss of words as she held their precious daughter.

Sixteen years later Xenia was watching their daughter while River made last minute preparations on a surprise gift for their daughter’s sixteenth birthday. Belladonna was writing something in her journal which Xenia knew she wrote in code and not even the spy mistress could crack it. “Bella darling come outside get some fresh air. Maybe we can go to the summer districts for a walk?” She asked. Belladonna looked up her eyes had black scarlet with Rivers green iris. “Alright" she said as she put the quill down and closed the ink well.

She took the small journal and closed it putting the leather cord around it and putting it in her black bag standing. Xenia knew something was on their child mind but what that was she was unsure. As they left the palace she noticed how quiet she was. “My sweet beautiful girl what is wrong you have barely spoke any today?” She asked. Her motherly instincts wanted to know what was bothering her child. But the spy mistress was not one to pry she valued privacy and that was included in her child. Belladonna was quiet “Its nothing” She said softly. There was a lot going on in her mind but she did not want to voice it. She knew how both of her mothers could be they were fiercely protective of her. Xenia nodded as she walked she was displeased that her daughter said nothing. She wanted to tell her what bothered her like she did when she was young.

Belladonna had grown quiet through the years speaking less and less and on top of that staying in her room. The others said it was normal for a teenager to do that. But the spy mistress knew better something was bothering her. Even River had brought it up which worried her. “Are your friends coming to your celebration?” She asked. “I didn’t invite them I didn’t invite anyone" She said. This made the spy mistress frown even more “My sweet beautiful girl tell me what bothers you so?” She asked. Xenia was concerned for their daughter more so then usual. Xenia watched as their daughter disappeared using magic “Bella?” She asked. She could hear running and then nothing.

Panic started to enter her mind as she went running listening but couldn’t hear her foot steps anymore. Xenia had Ruelle try to track her as she informed the guards about her running off as she went to the Autumn district to tell her wife who probably already knew. Xenia felt horrible what had she said or done that had upset her daughter so bad. As she went into the establishment. She seen River who was upset with a guard. She swiftly walked over to her with a frown on her face. “Xenia what happened?” She asked. Xenia shrugged “Something is bothering her I tried to get it put of her but she used her magic and ran off" She said “I have everyone looking for her. Including the spiders" She said. River could see the concern and worry on her wife’s face.

She put a hand on her cheek “Its not your fault darling" She reassured her. “She ran off on me it is so my fault" She said. Xenia was showing her vulnerable side which was rare and normally happened in their room. Belladonna was outside the gates of the city and in the forest. She sat there crying her arms around herself. She hated to show emotion she felt it weak and she hated that. She cried so hard she hated her life she hated it all. She wish she could disappear forever. Belladonna hated how she looked and her mother always called her their sweet beautiful child. She heard other talk about her unnatural appearance how they whispered in the shadows when no one was around. She had no friends well no one her age she had her Aunts Piama and Ruelle, and uncle Lyris. The only friend she truly had was Amara but she was captain of the royal guard. She just wanted something or someone who wanted to be around her. She got up and went further into the forest she had no idea where she was headed or going but anywhere but back at the palace was better. She eventually found a river with a small waterfall and sat there she looked at her tear stained cheeks and growled weak. She was weak and she hated it.

Xenia and River were worried it had been several hours and no news from anyone. Xenia paced the hall of the Inn she wanted to find her but knew she just couldn’t . The door opened and it was Amara “We have picked up a scent that leads out of the city we are going to search immediately I wanted to inform you two if you wanted to come along. Xenia looked up “I am done waiting, River stay here just in case she returns" She said. “No if she is not back yet she will not come back, Xenia she’s run away" She said softly sadly.

Belladonna sat at the river she had no idea where she was but enjoyed the silence. She was sitting at a large boulder her pack near it looking at the water. That was until she heard something rummaging in her bag. She looked over seeing a wolf pup or she thought it was it was strange looking she watched it for a moment longer before it pulled its head out of the bag with its prize a wrapped meat pie. Belladonna giggled “Are you hungry little one?” She asked softly the pup seemed to look at her as it dug at the wrapping of it. The pup was black with white spots in its fur. Belladonna smiled as it started to whine. She took the wrapping off the pie. The pup seemed excited as she gave the pie to it. The pup sat down as it started to eat. Belladonna knew a lot about animals plants many things. The pup should have been near its den but she hadn’t passed any.

She could also tell it was very hungry and she grabbed her bag pulling out a meat stick and unwrapped it as well as she put it down for the pup. The pup finished the pie fast and looked at the meat stick smelling it. They picked it up and went over to Belladonna getting in her lap chewing on it. She smiled she adored this pup she started to relax again as she looked out to the water seeing her image. She had long red hair like her mother with white and purple streaks. She frowned she hated her hair, she hated her arms. But most of all she hated her eyes. She hated that she was a princess she hated that she had no one. Then again why would anyone want to be around her she was a freak, she knew all kinds of things about stars, plants, poison, fighting, alchemy and magic. She looked at her long hair and growled “I hate everything about you, you weak freak" She said as she took a dagger out of her bag and pulled her hair back. The dagger was sharp and she pulled her hair though it. The once long hair that almost reached her waist was now to her shoulders. She looked at herself and closed her eyes she felt a little better but wanted to get ride of everything that reminded her of home.

River was worried what if Belladonna was hurt or gone forever. Xenia put a hand on her shoulder as they rode together in a carriage as Amara flew ahead with the dogs. “I know that face she is safe. Remember Ruelle would not teach her the magic if she had not perfected it. I am certain Ruelle is with her" She said. River nodded “That does make me feel better" She said softly. She wanted to know what turmoil plagued their daughter to make her run away though. She was thinking when she felt the carriage abruptly stop. Xenia opened the door and they saw Amara land “A storm is approaching hopefully we are not far I fear if we lose her scent we could be searching for days” Xenia was not listening as a small spider crawled up to her. “Bring the dogs back we are getting her she is close" She said. River looked at her then seen the small spider and was thankful. “My queen of course would you like an me to follow?” She asked. Xenia knew that Belladonna was close to Amara and she nodded “Maybe you deescalate the situation find out what I did wrong?” She said softly. As River and Xenia exited the carriage she smiled “Ruelle is she far?” Xenia asked. “No mistress Xenia she is just up the path at the waterfall though I will warn you she has cut her hair and is still in shambles" She said appearing next to Amara. Both mothers frowned and looked at one another should they send Amara in or themselves first. They both seemed to be weighing the option.

“My queen let me go ahead Ruelle can follow and come back to you as I calm her get her to open up" She said. River nodded “Please take all the time you need" She said softly. Xenia was having a hard time but also nodded she was still trying to figure out how to approach this without causing Belladonna to turn from them even more. The spy mistress felt bad she had not seen this coming. Amara walked ahead coming to the river seeing her sitting at the large boulder. She came a little closer knowing the young princess must be in her own mind for normally she would hear her coming. “I see you have a new look princess it suits you" She spoke as she sat near another boulder. Belladonna jumped and the pup woke jumping off growling at Amara. Belladonna rubbed it’s back “Its alright it just Amara" She said bringing the pup back on her lap.

“You will miss your party princess.” Amara said. She watched as Belladonna laughed “No one would miss me though maybe my mother’s and my aunt’s and uncle but that’s it.” She said flatly as she pet the pup. “What’s wrong, you can tell me you seem to be in a lot of thought" She said . Belladonna looked down “I have no real friends just people who want to be around me because I’m the princess. I’m not beautiful either like mothers’ call me” She said closing her eyes. “ I’m just wasted space a freak of nature…. I wish I had never been born" She said. “I remember they day your mother announced she was pregnant with you both were so happy I never saw Xenia smile so big or be so happy. They love you so much and so do your aunts and uncle.” She said. Belladonna nodded “I just want a real friend a real chance to find love…. I wish I was different I wish I looked like someone normal. The royals some of them I hear their teasing laughing at me because of my looks.” She replied sadly “I don’t feel beautiful I feel ugly” She said. Amara frowned “ You know both of your mothers have hard times over their looks. Your mama over her ears and your mother because of her race. But dear you are beautiful you are so smart and charming. Dear you are unique and you should take pride in that there is no normal everyone is unique in their own way.” She said. Belladonna nodded “I bet they are furious at me" She said softly. “They are concerned and worried but furious they are not shall I fetch them?” She asked. Belladonna bit her lip “I suppose" She said as she kept her head down. Amara nodded as she pat her back as she left. She passed the queens who were concerned.

Xenia and River sat next to their daughter each one on one side. Xenia could see Belladonna struggling with her emotions. Until she just let out a sob and buried her face with her hands. Oh how that hurt both of them seeing their daughter like this. River pulled her close and Belladonna buried her head into her chest hugging her. “I’m sorry mama I I’m sorry" She just cried harder. Xenia put two hands on her back “I’m sorry I upset you Bella please forgive me?” She spoke softly. Xenia was almost scared to speak afraid that what ever was bothering her would make it worse. “It wasn’t you mother, I’m sorry I’m crying I’m trying to hold it together. I’m trying to be strong" Belladonna spoke. Xenia then realized what it was “My sweet girl you are strong so very strong. It is good to show emotions that was one thing your mama taught me" She said rubbing her back softly. River hummed softly “Tell us what is wrong?” She said stroking her daughters head. “I just want to be strong like both of you. I want people who want to be around me for me and not because I’m a princess" She cried hiccupping.

“I want the royals to quite whispering and making fun of my looks" She cried harder. When Xenia heard that it seemed her blood boiled how dare they talk about her looks she was beautiful she was charming and she was sweet when she was with people she trusted. River felt her own blood boil the thing she had come to accept because of Xenia had been how different she was how unique she was. Xenia thought a moment “You have always been my sweet beautiful girl. That will never change, you are unique yes but your appearance should not matter it is what is in your heart. You have a beautiful heart you care for your peers and you are brilliant. When I was your age I was not as smart but you have a knack for learning and doing that is rare" She spoke rubbing small patterns into her back. Xenia had an idea a strange one but an idea. “ Bella what if we let you do as you want for a few months find out who you want to be. Go to parties you want to and escape being a Princess for a while??” She said softly. Belladonna let out a laugh “What would the royals think, letting me run around with my actions" She said. “I for one do not care what they think. My sweet girl you need a chance to grow and be you. To find the what makes you proud" She said.

Belladonna looked up at her “Really you will let me?” She asked then looked at River. River nodded “If that is what you wish you will get it" She said. “I just want to wear clothes I like. I want to be able to go and come as I please without a horde of guards just little things" She replied “Will you come home?” River asked. “Are you two mad?” Belladonna asked in a small voice. “No darling we were upset you left not mad. Please come to us if something is bothering you. Bottling it up does nothing but make you feel miserable" River spoke softly as she rubbed her daughters head. “I’m sorry" She said as she stood up her mothers did as well as they started the walk back. The pup following her “It seems we have a new addition to the family" Xenia spoke. Belladonna looked at her mother “Really?” She asked. River smiled “They will be your responsibility but yes “ She said.

They sat in the carriage “Mama?” She asked softly. River smiled “Yes dear?” she said softly. “ Can the party happen at the palace, I mean it’s just going to be us and my aunt’s and uncles possibly Amara.” She spoke. “Yes if that’s what you want dear" She said softly. Belladonna nodded it was “I’m sorry I know how you wanted to have it in the inn autumn quarter but there just a few of us" She said. “Darling that is fine though I do propose that you take a nap when we get home we can so I can move things around" She said. Belladonna nodded a nap did sound good.

When they arrived Belladonna darted straight to her room the pup following her. When she entered she put her bag down and thought she looked at herself in the full length mirror she looked at her hair. She frowned it needed to be fixed she wondered how the royal barber would take it they always loved her hair. Then her thoughts led to her Aunt Piama and Uncle Lyris they had loved braiding her hair since she was little. She was standing there when she heard a knock on the door. She went to open it but she seen no one.

She did notice two boxes and notes attached to each she knew just by the wrapping paper it was from Ruelle and Piama she picked the boxes up taking them inside. She put the boxes on the bed and picked up the notes and opened them. She could tell it was Piamas hand writing.

~ Bella here is an early Birthday gift from us. We hope you wear it to the party later we love you~ it was signed by both she frowned.

She knew her Aunt Piama well it was probably a dress. She sighed as she opened it but stood surprised as she picked up the garment. It was a suit but a very nice one she looked at it more. It was black with red little swirls in it with a small bit of orange. She took the shirt out that was black with it frilly sleeves and lace at the bottom the pants were the same color. The vest was deep red with small swirls of the rich dark orange and the jabot was a black. She adored this so much and she wondered how they knew. She then looked at the second box and wondered just what it was. She opened it finding a pair of nice boots that would go with the suit and she couldn’t help but smile.

She put the items in her closet and sighed “Let’s go see the barber my little pup. Let’s get this over with" She said. She went to her door and opened it. The pup followed and walked next to her as they walked the familiar hallway down to the parlor. She rounded the corner entering and noticed both her mothers there. That made her wonder but she kept walking. They turned seeing her “Hello dear we were explaining to Selene here that you can so what ever you want to your hair" River said. That shocked her but she nodded “Selene can you trim this to it looks good again?” She asked the woman she was tall with long white hair and blue eyes she smiled “Of course princess we can take more off if you like short hair is in this year" She smiled.

Belladonna took a seat and thought looking in the mirror could she go shorter and pull it off she thought more. She shook her head “ just trim it to where it looks even" She finally decided. Selene nodded as she started to trim her hair. Once that was done she smiled she looked good now that the hair was trimmed still at her shoulders. Belladonna thanked her and then she left going back to her room she so needed a nap she was exhausted but first a bath was to insure. She noticed yet another gift at her door. She picked it up seeing the writing it was from Amara they were wooden steps.

She took the steps in and looked at the note ~ A gift for you and the pup these should help till the pup gets bigger and can get in your bed~ she smiled as she put the steps on near the bed it was perfect. “Now my little darling we need to bath and take a nap" She said. She went to the connecting bathroom and started to fill the tub with water. When it was high enough she got in and pulled the pup in who started to swim around. She couldn’t help but laugh. She cleaned herself then the pup when done she got out dried herself off then the pup. She went and started to put on the black sleeping robe and smiled. She went over to the bed getting in.

The pup seemed to know what the steps were and she watched as it climbed them getting in bed and laying near her side. She found out the pup was a little female but as for a name she was still unsure. She relaxed and closed her eyes the gentle sound of rain falling lulled her to sleep within minutes when she awoke again she looked outside the sun would set soon. She pet the pups head who seemed to wake up as well it got up and started to lick her face. She couldn’t help but laugh she rose up and stretched the proceeded to get up and stretch more. She went over to the closet and put the clothes on and smiled it fit her like a glove and she felt happy.

She put on the boots as well and looked at herself in the mirror she smiled this is how she wanted to dress. She picked up a brush and brushed her hair as she went over to her desk. She sat there thinking there was a lot on her mind one main thing that worried her. She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to be a knight in the autumn quarter she had trained with Amara since she was young and it was something she truly loved. The only down fall was that her Mother had also trained her as a spy from the very beginning. There had been talk she would take her position but felt her Aunt Ruelle was a better candidate for it.

As she sat there her thoughts turned darker she started to feel like she had earlier. She felt like a waste of space the pup seemed to feel this since it pawed at her pants. She picked her up holding her close she felt the tears trying to form again and closed her eyes. Burying the thoughts she kept the pup close at least the pup wanted to be near her that was enough. She looked down “What to name you though" She said as she thought she took out a piece of parchment and opened the ink well as she started to write down names. She was thinking more when she heard a knock on the door. She looked over seeing her mothers.

“Ready for the party darling everyone is gathering" Her mama said. Belladonna smiled as she nodded closing the ink well and setting the pup down. She stood and she seen her mother smile “That look suits you" She said. “I like dressing like this I never really cared for dresses" She spoke softly as she went over to them. They all departed as they walked ��Is Amara still able to attend?” She asked “Yes she said she would not miss your party for the world” River said smiling. They walked into the garden and she smiled seeing them sitting at a table when they were closer they shouted happy birthday. Everyone was there smiling and the gifts were on a smaller table behind them. As the trio got to the table they sat down Belladonna next to Amara and smiled. They started to eat and chit chat everyone adored her new outfit and her hair. After they had ate they were waiting for the cake Belladonna was sitting on a small bench she heard her glass fill up and she looked over seeing Amara “Caught you off guard again what is on your mind?” She asked as she took a seat with her. Belladonna looked down “There is a conversation that I would like to have with my mothers that I would like you to be a part of" She said. “I want to be a knight in the Autumn quarter but I know Mother has plans of me being the next Spy mistress" She said rubbed her lower hands together. “I see" Anara said she put a hand on her back “I would be honored to talk to them when you are ready" She said. “I also came over to ask a small favor of you” She said softly.

Belladonna looked “I’m always happy to help you what is it?” She asked. “I have new recruits at the guard houses from various little villages I was hoping you would assist me with teach for the next few weeks" She said smiling. Belladonna nodded “Of course I’ll come to the summer temple tomorrow to help. I think that would help being out doing something I like" She replied smiling. Amara smiled “Excellent I am glad you will be by my side and as being a knight of Autumn you could start as at a guard and come up and be the a champion quiet easily” She said smiling. Belladonna nodded “Tomorrow can you call me just Bella, no princess or my full name?” She asked. She nodded “Certainly" she smiled as she watched the pup and Leoa play.

Amara smiled “You know the pup reminds me of the snowflake dire wolves when I was much younger" She said. Belladonna looked at her “Oh how so?” She asked. Amara smiled “Many, many years ago the forest were home to them and many. She looks just like one of the pups from old. If she is she will get big but fiercely protective of you and your loved ones” She spoke. “What happened to them?” Belladonna asked. “We started to see fewer each year I assumed they went somewhere else." She replied. She nodded she smiled as she looked over as the cake was brought she and Amara went back over to the table. When the cake was cut everyone had a piece then it was time for presents.

Belladonna decided to open the presents from Lyris first. She smiled seeing some new and rare books about plants and alchemy. Next came Amaras gift she was wondering what she had gotten her. She opened the box seeing a new chest piece that was black with a golden wolf in the middle. She then seen a matching helmet that was in the shape of a wolf head. She was in awe she had gotten her a suit of armor and she adored it. Next came Piama and Ruelle gifts. She wondered what it was they were in similar boxes as the last.

She opened them finding more clothes like what she was wearing with shoes and boots she smiled. She hugged everyone thanking them as they started to leave she knew her mothers gifts would be given in her room. She smiled as she started her way back with her mothers once inside she started to put everything in order as her mothers left to get their gifts. She smiled the pup was on the bed watching. She started to undress and put her robe on she needed to be up in the morning.. she heard a knock and turned as they came back with a few boxes. They sat the gifts on the bed and she smiled she went over she noticed one box heavy and she opened it first. She seen leather bound journals and smiled “How did you know I needed more?” She asked her mother smiled “I do keep tabs on you my sweet girl plus it’s about time for you to ask more" she smiled.

Belladonna laughed as she sat them to the side. She opened a long box and she was silent inside were two swords one long the other shorter they were black and gold and the guard had a wolf head on both. It completed the armor that Amara had gotten her. She put that a side and opened the last box it was small but inside it was a ring of yet a wolf head made from obsidian with emeralds for eyes. She got up hugging them “I’m sorry for earlier today, I’m sorry I worry you “ She said both mothers kissed her cheek “Your our daughter we worry your precious to us" Her mama said. “You mean the world to us darling we will always be here to help you” Her mother said. Once they left she put everything away and went to her bed she got in settling down the pup coming up to her side laying there. She pet it and felt her eyes getting harder to open till she was alseep.

[writinginthesparetime]

Tic toc - one shot

pairing: Ot9; idol!Sehun x staff!y/n

Tags: workplace ; y/n being in a relationship ; Sehun has a little crush

genre: fluff; little angst; super fluff

A/n: I recently fell for Exo. Needed to write something about my bias eheh

Btw happy comeback! And happy holidays!

—————————————————————

Silently, I went inside the dance practice room knowing the manager was inside to fill some papers with the staff.

It was already a month I got hired here as a make-up artist: it was my first job after finishing school, i was ready to learn, fresh, but being the youngest in the whole building wasn’t helping. The closest in age to me were the exo members their self. This ended up being awkward at the beginning, then lead to growing weird friendship. Well, kinda a relationship. It’s still me, who at the end of the day has to take off their makeup while they’re already napping on the chair.

I closed the door behind me and in that moment they started practising Tempo’s choreography. I got frightened by the sudden music and I squeaked. I quickly realised some of the guys where smiling at me through the mirror.

“Shit.” My cheeks turned red already.

“Y/n? Do you need something?” The manager approached me while holding some filers.

“Yes sunbae.” I bowed a little. “This is the list of next orders we need for our warehouse.” I gave him, with both of my hands, an envelope that he quickly took.

“Thank you y/n, kind as always.”

“You’re welcome.” I smiled shyly. He then asked me to follow him through the room until we reached all the staff members.

My gaze dropped to the clock on the wall: I had 15 minutes to reach the restaurant and meet my boyfriend. If I managed to leave in a couple of minutes and run to take the metro, I’d arrive just in time.

I cursed myself for being too slow changing into the little tight red dress. I also re did my make-up, maybe an unnecessary step. Now I was wearing high fancy boots that marked every step and a long coat, ready to fly outside the building into the cold night of Seoul.

“Y/n I need a favour.”

“Sure.”

“Could you shoot the guys while dancing? Just a few song, nothing much.”

“Oh ... Sunbae, it’s not like I don’t want to, but I have an appointment after work. Is there anyone more qualified to do this?”

“Y/n don’t worry, they’ll be quick. You can do this, just sit still. Take this.” He gave me a camera definitely too heavy for me to hold. Music suddenly stopped and the boys were reaching water bottles to drink. I could see how tired they were.

“It will take just 5 minutes, we’ll be back soon.” The manager left with all the staff members leaving me and a sound technician behind.

“Y/n-noona! You came to see us dancing!” Kai run to me spilling some water.

“Not really.” We hugged for a little. Kai loved to call me noona whenever he felt sweet. No matter I was the youngest in the room.

“I got stuck at work, I should be outside already.”

“Stuck mmh?” Chanyeol came closer.

“I have a date tonight, do you think you can do this in one take?”

He winked at me and turned to the middle of the room. “Ya! Our y/n-nie got plans for the night! Let’s do this!”

I took off my coat leaving it on the table while sunbae was setting the camera.

I took it and quickly moved in front of the mirror wall, sitting exactly in the middle, shoulders pressed to the mirror. I crossed my legs carefully and adjusted the skirt.

I looked up and realised many eyes were on me.

“Y/n-noona, who is the lucky one?” Kai winked. Baek whistled.

“Y/n have mercy, someone here won’t sleep tonight.” Chen laughed, Sehun gave him a nudge.

“Boys, be good.”

I looked again at my watch, realising I was already so late. I pressed rec on the camera and the boys gathered up in the position. “Tempo” started again, the hardest part for me was not being able to dance or sing with them.

“Was it good?” Someone asked while I grabbed my phone.

“I have to text him.”

19.33 y/n: I’m sorry I’ll be late: I’m still at work. I’ll text you when i get out. I’ll try to be quick.

19.36 y/n: bae?

Songs went on, and so my texts.

19.41 y/n: bae? Im sorry i swear ill be quick

19.50 y/n: are we still in time for the reservation? Im starving! Wait for me bae!

“Is he texting you back?” Sehun laied on the mirror next to me looking at my screen. He wasn’t even sweating after dancing for so long.

“No, not really.” I said back, nervously laughing.

“Don’t worry y/n-ah, he can’t be mad. It’s so hard to be angry at you.”

“Wha-?”

I looked at him shocked. He snapped his fingers getting everyone attention. “We need to shoot the last one, and we are done. Sunbae prepare “The Eve” please.”

“Oh no.” I whispered covering my mouth.

That’s one of a few songs with a choreography that embarrass me every time. The slow hip thrust, lascivious gazes and the way they all became hotter in a couple of seconds.

First notes came, I swallowed my saliva and tried to focus while their eyes were on me. Actually, I knew they were all looking behind me, staring at each other on the mirror, but I felt being watched.

When the refrain came I just closed my eyes, too shy. And once I was able to open them again all of exo members were giggling at me. All the guys. ALL. They knew how shy I was. They knew the power of this song.

Suddenly the song hit me differently and harder, looking at some details: Suho’s arms, Sehun’s thighs, Kai’s grin, the power they all held. Everyone was doing something to me, my head started spinning.

“We need to take this one again sorry.” Sehun talked after the song ended. I moved on my place, suddenly the position wasn’t comfortable anymore. A weird hot feeling in my stomach started spreading.

I was so distracted by these new feelings I didn’t notice Sehun’s smirk. He was satisfied. I didn’t even realised my phone was buzzing inside my purse.

“Let’s be more powerful.” Chen said looking at his friends.

“And a step ahead please.” Everyone looked at Sehun.

The song started again and everyone seemed to be more engaged than before, using all their last energies.

They were one step closer to me now, and Sehun was directly in front of me. Less than two meters again, he was hip thrusting slowly. His eyes on me, and I was sure now he was really looking at me. I swallowed while fixing my skirt again, feeling suddenly too hot. He smirked.

His eyes, so dark now,were locked on me the whole choreography, I could feel his gaze never leaving me.

I felt so vulnerable. The hot feeling in my stomach now was getting stronger, I couldn’t help but squeeze my thighs together to get some relieve.

As soon as the last note ended I got up and left the camera on the table. I took the phone and I was surprised by all the messages.

19.52 bae: I cant believe this

19.58 bae: why are you always late? Ive been waiting you for so long! Im pissed

19.59 bae: ya! Text me ...

20.03 bae: where are you now?

20.05 bae: .....

20.06 bae: .....

20.07 bae: .....

20.08 bae: ... so?

20.10 bae: im leaving

“Shit shit shit shit.” I quickly wore my coat, already calling my boyfriend. I turned waving to the boys, ignoring their worried faces.

“Pick up please.” I opened the door with my shoulder still busy getting ready.

“Maybe you should fol-“ D.O. words were cut by my boyfriend’s voice on the phone.

“Y/n! Ya! You’re unbelievable!”

“Babe I’m so sorry, it’s not my fault, I couldn’t say no..”

“Sure. Always the same. It looks like you got 9 more boyfriends, who are more important than me. Should i get on the line?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t bother to come. Bye.” He hanged up. I froze, in the middle of the hallway. I didn’t know what to do. Maybe keep on desperately running and maybe he would be still in the restaurant? I tried calling, failing again and again. I was just ... frozen.

“Is everything fine?” Two big warm hands took mines, still holding the phone. I turned to Sehun’s worried face.

“Not really. He’s angry.” I said looking up at his eyes and then to the ceiling, hoping not to cry.

That was my first long relationship, we were together for more than 9 months. The first boy who noticed me, the first who held my hand to go to school. The first “i love you”.

“Then he doesn’t deserve you y/n-nie.” He whispered closing the distance between us with an hug.

He hold me tight, my head laid on his chest, his arms around me. One if his hands reached my hair and started massaging me gently.

“Ssh, everything will be fine y/n-nie. You’re too good.”

I didn’t even realised I was crying. I was sobbing so hard, my hands fisting his black hoodie’s hems.

“I am sorry.” I started bubbling.

“Don’t, we should be sorry, it’s our fault.” Sehun said patting my back lightly.

I stepped back, incredulous. “How could it be your fault?” And suddenly Sehun face got red.

“My fault...” He repeated shyly while I was wiping off the tears on my cheeks.

“Y/n?” Xiumin suddenly appeared behind Sehun’s tall figure. As soon as he saw my red puffy eyes he run to me pouting.

“Oh my girl, what happened?” He hugged me and tried to make me smile with his cute aegyo. He was the oldest yet he looked the youngest, and his pure kind soul was just one more thing to love him for.

“I lost my reservation at the restaurant.” I lied while looking at Sehun, hoping he’ll understand. He tilted his head a little, confused.

“Oh.” Sehun said quietly.

“I’m so hungry!” Baek exited the practise room screaming. All the EXO members behind him.

“Y/n is hungry too, she couldn’t make it to the restaurant.” Sehun surprised me for being strangely able to lie.

“Oh no y/n-nie.” This sounded like a chorus since all of them gathered together around me.

“I’ll make dinner for everybody.” D.O. proposed while taking my hand and gently hugging me. “Let’s go home.”

Sehun walked beside me, his hand on my lower back. “Let us treat you well.”

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Thirty-Three, “If It Kills Me”

A story about what happens when she can’t be just his assistant anymore, and he can no longer be only her boss. Now, can they be happy with being just friends?

Read this story from the beginning here! :-) 

Inspo tag here!

*NEW* Spotify playlist in the works can be found here, songs that inspire me for the story and have significance in the story c: 

Warnings: one brief mention of vomiting, and some mild language.

                                   SNEAKY PEEEEEEEEEEEK

“And Becky’s face consumes my thoughts, much like it’s been captivating my conscience as of recent. Rather unsurprisingly. 

There it remains for days, much like it has been. It follows me through the air as I stare out the window, floating above the clouds. It crops into my conversations, leeching any enjoyment gathered from them. I even see it in a crowd of people inside the walls of the courtroom before I deliver my closing statement. When I look a second time, I’m disappointed to find the eyes of a stranger. 

I only find a respite from longing for her face when I turn my phone off, trying to stop wondering why she won’t return my texts. That thought only sticks to all of my others during the coming week with more ignored texts, craving her voice, and sufficing for browsing her Instagram. Her face. That smile. The smell that sat in the corner of her neck. I miss all of it.”

Song Inspiration: If It Kills Me by Jason Mraz (click to listen)

            “It’s like before it’s gonna storm, you know? You can’t see it, but you can feel it, like this, uh electricity, you know?” - Steve Harrington, Stranger Things 

The warm rays hit my cheeks as my sandals pound on the pavement. I wonder how I could ever be unhappy given the May sun shining down on me, and walking from my favorite restaurant. Without fail, the blissful idea is stolen away by a swarm of thoughts dosed in reality. And a particular one that reminds me of what I need to do, despite the dread I’ve been feeling. Not even the former respite of Asher’s hug after our shared lunch can keep them away. 

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I swipe through my apps until I find the right one. Stopping in front of my gray car, I lean against the door with a huff. My thumbs hover across the screen nervously, followed by a curse under my breath. Quickly, they flit across the screen composing words in front of my eyes. Sliding into my driver seat, I stare at the screen for a moment longer before hitting send. 

I wait for the chime to come, telling me I have a new message, from him. Nervousness coats my limbs and only grows worse as the minutes tick by driving home. Waiting. But when I check my phone after walking in the door, my lock screen showing my dad and I’s smiling faces is blank. 

No new messages. 

Sliding off my black sandals, I pad through the shared living room and kitchen area before reaching my bedroom. My laptop beckons for me across the room on my desk, and I sit down before it. I hope that maybe if I don’t procrastinate this specific thing, maybe things will turn out a little better. But as I’m opening a study guide for Family Law’s final exam, I’m proven wrong. 

The chime grabs my attention immediately, making my fingers still on the keyboard. Flitting my eyes to the lavender Speck phone case, I grow antsy at wondering who the text is from. And what it says. Inhaling nervously, I pick it up and wake up the screen. The few words of a preview I see of the text cues a sour anxiousness to grow in my stomach. Bringing my knees up onto my chair, I pull them against my chest as I open the text. 

Me

Hey I’m so sorry I’ve been terrible at texting back, finals these next two weeks are getting to me. Speaking of that I realized that I have to take a final at the time we’re supposed to get lunch in a few days. I’m really sorry but can we reschedule . . . again? I was thinking in two weeks when I’m finally free from the clutches of uni????? :( 

Harry 

sorry cant love. im in edinburgh all that week for a case. lets talk about it when im back. good luck w finals xx

Sighing, I type up a short response, agreeing to that. With guilt casting a shadow over me, I return my attention to the lengthy study guide. The gross feeling in my stomach remains, and with its arrival, my excitement for our lunch date is replaced with disappointment. I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks since we rescheduled it the first time, due to me messing up the dates, again. Peeking my eyes at my phone, I turn away and slump against my chair. 

It’s been a month since I saw him last, and although we’ve sent a handful of texts, they haven’t been enough for me. Skye, of course, told me that there’s nothing stopping me from showing up at his office door, but she’s wrong. I don’t know his schedule anymore, and for all I know, I’d be waiting around for him. Plus, my appearance would just yell ‘desperate!’ Sometimes, I wonder what little world Skye is tucked away into that’s far simpler, not realizing I still have to work during the day, especially more so this summer. 

But as the days drag on with chemo and radiation appointments, and lectures upon lectures, I think maybe Skye has the right idea being so optimistic. Maybe. 

+

Over the next few weeks, I see him at almost every corner I turn, and it hurts more than it should after all these weeks. The ignored texts shouldn’t feel like a fresh stab wound when I see that Scrabble box in the family room, get on that very same lift, or walk past the nurse’s station I found him leaning against that morning. Nothing compares to the piano and the pang I feel in my chest at the sight of it. It comes every time I walk through those doors and am reminded of the intimacy held on those keys. No, it didn’t get easier after the first time being back there with my dad, or the fifth time. Avoiding that gray sofa like the plague only reminded me of the texts I sent him that went unanswered. I can’t blame him though, because like a bitch, I took a week sometimes to reply to him. 

The tight feeling in my chest only feels heavier as I sit on the plaid couch in my childhood living room. I can’t even enjoy watching FRIENDS like I used to be able to, as their faces bring forth the sound of his laugh. It pains me to turn down their voices as I dig my phone out from under the cushions. I try not to let it get to me when I, once again, find no new text messages. My attempt is futile and it only causes me to take longer to open the phone app. By now, I know his number by heart, but my shaky hands cause me to mess up a few times. 

Pressing the phone to my ear, all I can hear is its ringing and the pounding of my heart. As the seconds drag on, I’m almost certain I’ll hear the voicemail next. But then I’m pleasantly surprised, although the bitterness in my stomach blossoms. 

“Hullo?” His gravelly voice pulls my lips into an instant smile. Rubbing the back of my neck anxiously, the words fall from my lips hurriedly. 

“Hi, Harry.”

“Hey, how’s it goin’?” he responds curtly, a clattering noise heard in the background before he mutters a ‘shit.’

“I’m sorry, did I call at a bad time?” I ask quickly, regret filling my veins. 

“No, yer fine. ‘m jus’ makin’ dinna.”

“Oh um, nice. What are you cooking?” I inquire, twirling the braided silver ring on my pointer finger. Swallowing, I wait to hear his molasses drawl again, like music to my ears. 

“Jus’ a stir fry. So . . . why’d ya ring?” Harry responds, a coolness hugging his voice. 

“Um, I haven’t heard from you in a while and wanted to say hi.”

“Hi,” he hums awkwardly, followed by the sound of a door closing. Squeezing my eyes shut, uneasiness falls over me in a wave. Oddly, I wonder if all of a sudden I can’t call to say hi. “Ya, we’ve both been busy. Cases fer me, an’ prolly uni an’ yer dad’s treatments fer you.”

“Yeah,” I agree aloud, my chin falling to rest in my palm. But it leaves a second later to lose my fingers in my hair. “I wanted to tell you that I finished my finals last week, so now I just have clinical left in the fall. Oh, and my dad got to ring the bell today. He’s all done with chemo and radiation after his scans all looked good. It’s hard to believe that he’s cancer-free. His doctors will, of course, have to keep an eye on him in the future to make sure it doesn’t come back, but I couldn’t be happier.” 

“Tha’s wonderful, love,” Harry coos into my ear, the first notes of happiness heard in his voice. It begins to put me at ease, and cause me to think maybe something isn’t off after all. “‘m really glad t’ hear that- well both o’ those things.”

Unbeknownst to me, I find myself nodding along with his words as if I needed his confirmation. But his words stop there, and the sickening feeling that something is wrong settles back in. A small ‘yeah’ stumbles off my lips as my fingers form into a fist in my lap, debating what to say next. Or if I should ask what I’ve been wanting to say the entire time. 

“We weren’t able to get ahold of each other a few weeks ago to reschedule lunch. Would you still like to?” Going out on a limb, I let the words fly. 

I watch for them apprehensively, uncertain if they’ll take flight. The loud sound from his side, the subsequent shuffling, and a voice saying his name shoots them down hastily. 

“‘m sorry, I gotta go. ‘ll text ya ‘bout gettin’ lunch,” Harry remarks, his words stringing together swiftly. I barely have the chance to say an ‘okay’ before he abruptly hangs up, sewing together an unwanted thought for me. 

Tossing my phone to the other end of the couch, I fall back against the cushions. Turning up the volume of the telly, I avert my gaze back to the make-believe world I’ve always taken comfort in. As the phone call gnaws away at my insides, planting insecurities every few steps, I let the characters whisk me away. Even if their faces and familiar jokes will now never stop reminding me of him, and something I let go of that I didn’t know I had. I only feel worse when I realize that I knew then that he’d never send that text, and I think he knew that, too.

+

“Staring at it isn’t going to make it ring, y’know,” somebody states, pulling me from my webs of thoughts. 

Lifting my attention away from the black screen in my hand, I catch Myles looking at me impatiently. 

“Wha- ‘m sorry. I was listenin’.”

“Then what’d I just say?” he requests, the hand propped against his chin rising in a silent question. 

My lips fall apart to welcome my voice, but nothing comes out. Shrugging, he receives his answer and replies with a disapproving glare. 

“Hare, this is important stuff. We’re leaving for Edinburgh tomorrow for the case, it’s a huge one.”

“I know, My. Jus’ repeat what ya said, please,” I huff, batting a hand at him. His eyes roll into the back of his head when he leans back in his leather chair. 

“I swear to God, Harry, I-.”

“Stop,” I retort, growing annoyed. 

He plays with the point of his quiffed blonde hair before clearing his throat. Although I try to listen the second time around, my gaze is lulled back to my laptop screen. My fingers itch to touch the keys and type up words, and when Myles begrudgingly answers his ringing phone, I find my chance. Sliding my silent phone into my pocket, I click on the blue thought bubble, only to be met with disappointment. Brushing it away, my fingers fly across the keys and my words are sent with a soft hum. Soon, Myles hangs up the phone with a perturbed sigh and resumes the conversation we were having. Again, I try to return to the bubble we share and the words that occupy it, but my mind is consumed with the anticipation of that coveted ding. And with Becky’s face, much like it’s been captivating my thoughts as of recent. Rather unsurprisingly. 

There it remains for days, much like it has been. It follows me through the air as I stare out the window, floating above the clouds. It crops into my conversations, leeching any enjoyment gathered from them. I even see it in a crowd of people inside the walls of the courtroom before I deliver my closing statement. When I look a second time, I’m disappointed to find the eyes of a stranger. 

It crowds my mind when I wait for the boarding call, tapping my fingers along the screen and watching the words be sent off. I only find a respite from longing for her face when I turn my phone off, trying to stop wondering why she won’t return my texts. That thought only sticks to all of my others during the coming week with more ignored texts, craving her voice, and sufficing for browsing her Instagram. Her face. That smile. The smell that sat in the corner of her neck. All of it. I miss all of it. It gnawed away at me slowly, and terribly, burying doubts beneath my defenses. They sprang up when I least expected them, and when I thought about sending just one more text. A few words wouldn’t hurt anything, I thought, but at the same time, I distrust the ultimate impact they could have. 

The pounding jars me from my reverie, bringing me to my feet slowly. Padding past the television and kitchen area, a yawn jumps from my lips. Another pound lands on the door, dragging my brow into a knot. 

“Oh, shuddup!” I exclaim in disbelief, wrapping my fingers around the smooth metal of the door. Yanking it open, I find the grinning bearded face of my mate standing on my stoop. “‘m not goin’, Rore, I already told ya this.”

“C’mon, Harry, I’ll look like a right idiot being there all alone,” Rory responds, his steps telling me he’s following me inside once I turn around. “Help a mate out here.” 

“Ya, ‘coz ya were so helpful tha otha day when I asked ya t’ consult with me fer the Starkey case.” Scoffing, his words pause between his lips as I fill a glass of water from the attachment on the fridge. “Why’re ya goin’ anyways, since it sounds like sumthin’ yer dreadin’? And since when d’ya even go t’ these sorta things? Last place I thought ‘d see you at, Rore.”

“I don’t, but it’s for me sister’s showing. I can’t miss it, she’s me baby sister. I’d hear about it from me mum for weeks.”

Snorting, I have to pull the glass of water away from my lips. 

“Hope ya bloody choke on that water, mate,” Rory scoffs, only making me laugh harder. Water flies from my lips as I’ve forgotten the glass on the marbled countertop. “Are ya coming or not, Harry? Ya know it’s a good place to pick up chicks, too. They blooming love these art gallery places.”

Recovering from my fit of giggles, I turn my head to find Rory waiting with the question in his eyes. He huffs and riffles a hand through his tousled blonde hair a few shades lighter than that which covers his face. Shaking his head, he wiggles his head at me. 

“I’ll consult with you on the next case, or even give ya first pick,” he whines, folding his hands together under his chin, as if he’s praying. 

“‘m yer bloody boss, I always get first picks,” I murmur, a smile cracking at the end of my words. 

“Oh, fuck off, would you?” he spits, pushing at a chair in front of the seated bar attached to the kitchen island. Clucking his tongue, he messes with the collar of his navy blue blazer thrown over a bloody Zeppelin shirt. Yeah, you sure look artsy there, Rore. But with the next words that fly from his sailor’s mouth, he pins me down. “What’re ya gonna do here anyways, sit and watch the bleeding telly all in your lonesome when ya could be with me getting damn a date?”

Biting my lip, my house slippers come into my view and when Rory’s eyes find them, a laugh explodes from his lips. “Go hurry up and bloody change before you’re too far gone, mate. I’ll be in the car,” he titters before his voice falls with a delighted sigh. Delight found in my pain. 

“Two cases, Rore. Any two cases I want, ya consult with me on. Ya got it?” I argue, following on his footsteps. 

“Whatever makes ya feel better, mate. I know you'll be thanking me later tonight.” 

“Doubt it,” I mutter, watching him open the door, sure there’s a sly grin covering his face. 

I turn to jog up the stairs until I arrive in my bedroom. Quickly, I toss on skinny jeans, a Keith Haring shirt, and a mustard button up smattered with faded white flowers. I look rather artsy, I reckon, I decide as I look at myself in my bathroom mirror. It’s an easy feat when you’re standing next to wannabe Rory over there, though. After taming my hair and finding a pair of shoes, I pad down the stairs. 

“Alexa, turn off all o’ my lights,” I announce, slipping my wallet and phone into my pocket as my hous darkens around me. 

“Take fucking long enough?” Rory groans when I slide into the passenger seat of his silver Sentra. 

“Shuddup and drive, will you? So we can get this ova with.”

“If you’re gonna be an ass tonight, then just go back inside,” he almost laughs, beginning to back away from the towering walls of my house. 

“Talking ‘bout yerself, are ya now?” I quip, bringing my phone from my tight pockets, tapping in my passcode. 

“I’ve noticed, y’know,” he mumbles, barely loud enough for me to hear him. Looking up from the bright screen, his eyes don’t stray from the road. “There’s a girl, isn’t there? Or there was?” he continues, a man I’ve come to love over the last three years he’s worked with me. And somehow I thought I had fooled him, but it turns out, I haven’t. I can’t even fool myself.

“Sumthin’ like that,” I whisper, my attention straying back to the conversation lit on my screen. Another day of the ball being in her court, and she just leaves it in the bloody corner, neglecting it. “I see why ya wanted me t’ come now . . . jus’ don’ try t’ set me up with yer bloody sista. She’s like twenty.”

His hearty chuckle fills the space around us, the words of a song from Death Cab for Cutie lurking in the background. “I won’t, but y’know she’s not gonna let ya out of her sight, mate. She’s had the hots for you from day one.”

“Oh God, Rore, what’d I let ya drag me into here?” I joke, my lips curling into a nervous smile. But the smile feels good, and it feels even better when her name disappears from my screen, and I forget my phone in my pocket. 

+

“What happened to making me dinner?” I whine from the couch, crossing my left leg over the other under the comfort of my blanket. 

“That was when you were busy, and well, the other day when I was feeling generous. Not today, missy,” Skye scoffs, the sound of the fridge shutting marking her words. Something lands in my lap with a plop, startling me. 

“Wow, how gourmet. Why thank you, I definitely don’t need to make dinner now,” I joke, picking up the wrapped piece of string cheese. 

“I know you’re still going to eat it. Just eat cereal or something, you hobo. I’m going to bed at a decent time, unlike somebody.”

“Hey, it’s a Friday!” I argue, pressing the page down button on the remote, waiting for something to catch my eye on Netflix. 

“Yeah, and some of us still have a job on Saturdays!” she calls from her journey down the hall. 

“Party pooper!” 

She remains silent on the defensive line, and so does the list of boring content on the television screen. Relenting, I click over to My Stuff and press play on the next episode of FRIENDS. Relaxing into the cushions, I unwrap the cheese and slowly eat it in strings. Giggles flow from my lips watching the scene unravel in front of me, and some eye-rolls because of Ross or Monica. After a while, my legs stray to the fridge, and I return to the tan sectional with a bowl of Cheerios. The milk threatens to spill over the side when I sit up suddenly, almost yelping in laughter at the scene when Monica and Rachel lose their apartment to Chandler and Joey. The sugary Cheerios soon disappear, and the milk follows them as the episode nears the end. 

Placing my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher, I hurry back to the sofa to catch a Phoebe scene. My cheeks warm with a smile, but they soon grow cold when my thoughts have to interrupt with a memory of his face. That god awfully sweet smile adorned with his cherry lips and precious dimples. Without knowing what I’m doing, the cartoon looking app appears under my nose, and pictures fill my feed. I take a second look at a few of them that catch my attention, the angry voices of Rachel and Monica tickling at my ears. 

Soon, the search bar materializes and although it feels wrong, I type in letter after letter to create his name. I can’t remember the last time I glanced at his profile, just to catch a hint of him. Finding the profile I’ve become familiar with, I tap on his picture and wait for his profile to load. Glancing away, the tv captures my attention once more as I scratch at an itch on my leg. Yawning, I rub at my eye before it falls back to the blindingly bright screen. Blinking hard to clear the haze from my vision, I scroll down to see what new pictures he’s posted, although they’re usually few and far between. 

I find the most recent picture I recognize and tap through them. Picturesque shots from high in the clouds. His unbelievably adorable niece. Food-grams. A picture of a homemade pizza is making my mouth water and is still stuck in my mind when I happen upon the next photo, and the most recent one. The moisture in my mouth is wicked away, suddenly bone dry when the image in front of my eyes slowly registers with me. But I can’t believe it, even though I’m seeing it. I don’t want to see it, or believe it. The moisture reappears in the corners of my eyes quickly as a sourness quickly knits together in my gut. The image shakes in my hands and then blurs in my eyes, accented by the thrashing of my heart inside of my chest. 

“Skye!” I shout, the words leaping from my lips with little success. 

My lip wobbles and I feel my entire face collapse from pain, disbelief, the whole shebang. The sob screaming from my lips is muffled by my fingers coming to my mouth. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” I mutter, inhaling fast and feeling the tears in my throat. Because I can feel it everywhere in my body - the pain. In my eyes, my stomach, my hands, and my chest. The sight of Harry’s lips touching that of another girl’s sends knives into my heart, and my stomach roiling. “T-this can’t . . . ,” but my words escape me, because the multitudes of feelings punished with anguish and despair course through me. 

“Skye!” I yell again, not realizing that I’ve gotten to my feet. I stumble at first, feeling the weakness reach my legs. Her name leaves my lips wet with tears as I run past the kitchen and down the hall. 

Pushing open her door, darkness meets my eyes, and I swear in that moment it swallowed me. Hitting me, I grab the doorframe and feel my forehead fall against it. Leaning there for support, the sobs roll through me, the very reason still clutched in my hand. 

“Whaaaaat?” she groans tiredly from her bed across the room. 

But I only reply with a sob of her name, hiccups havocking my chest. My hands claw at the wall, darkness coating my eyelids. 

“Ree?” Skye asks groggily, the click of her lamp following her words. “What happened? Are you alright?” she hurries, the pillowy patting of her covers being thrown back meeting my ears. 

Her arms wrapping around me are almost numbing, and do nothing. And feel like nothing. But when I feel my head meet her chest, the slowed-down world I lived in for those few seconds vanishes. 

“Skye, I-. . . ,” I attempt, once again falling up short as tears suffocate my voice, much like they’re making me feel. Shakily, I press my phone into her hand as I try to find safety in her arms. 

I wait and then am rewarded with her intake of breath followed by a sigh. “Holy fuck,” she whispers, and retaliates by pulling me closer against her. “Come here, Ree.”

She walks me over to her bed and helps me under the covers until I’m surrounded by them, and her arms. 

“Who i-is she?” I demand sloppily, searching for something to hold onto and to anchor myself with. I’m compensated with the smooth fabric of her shirt that I cling to the back of, my head falling into her hair. The mundane scent of strawberries wafting from her body tries to relax me, but to no avail. 

“Ree-,” she begins, but I don’t let her start, let alone finish. 

“I want to kn- I need to know,” I respond, sniffling against the warm expanse of her neck. There’s shuffling next to me before she sighs, and I sense the light of my phone. Tapping prods at my hearing as I try to form coherent thoughts. 

I’m met with images of him. Harry. His dark curls, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, and the high-pitched giggle that accompanied my tickling as well as his own. The intruding memories rack my body with shaking sobs, pressing my lips together as new tears gush over them. My belly contracts with each sob, and I don’t even register the cramping in my hands from holding on so tightly. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Skye hums warily from above, pulling my head into her neck, leaving her arm there to shield me from her words. Or the image that I can’t remove from my mind even if I tried. It’s burned there indefinitely now. 

His arms in a blue button-up surrounding her and his lips enveloping hers. A smile creasing his cheeks with happiness, and spreading to those of her dark cheeks. Her curvy body pressed against his, flowing ebony curls tickling her chocolate skin. 

“Tell me.”

“Okay,” Skye caves, the tips of her fingers running marathons along my back, in attempts to calm me down. But I don’t know if the tried and true will work this time, although it has for every other, even when my dad’s life was painted with the C-Word. “She’s a London based artist, does some sculpting and gallery work locally. According to her Instagram account, anyways.”

“I asked . . who is she?” I repeat, my voice wavering under the dominance of the tears. 

“Her name’s Bailee Taylor.”

“W-what does her page look . . . like?” I request, exhaustion blanketing me, and only adding another feeling to the rest. Blinking away the tears, I try to take in a deep breath, but my memories hit me with the safety I felt in his arms. Unwaveringly. 

“It looks like they’re . . dating,” Skye announces quietly, squeezing me around the middle. The confirmation I didn’t know I’d been searching for hits me like a train, knocking the air out of me again. And all of a sudden, hatred pulses through me, asking me where to lay it. Where to feel it. “There’s a few pictures of them on her feed, looks like they met maybe a few weeks ago.” 

“Why?” jumps from my lips finally, taking a nosedive to join a sea of unanswered questions. The word shakes the second it leapt from my tongue, and somehow it hurts more than all of the rest. “I h-hate him,” I cry, my nose smushing against her skin when I try to hold onto her tighter than I already am. 

“No, you don’t,” she coos, raking her fingers through my hair slowly, and carefully. 

“I know, b-but I wish I could,” I answer, the memories dancing through my head at hyper speed. Falling asleep in his arms, and waking up in them. The tickling fight. The almost kiss. The Scrabble game. Waking up to find him waiting there in the doorway. Him coming back even after the way I treated him. Finding him standing there at the front of the lecture hall. The reprieve of being in his arms again after so long spent away from them. And then, like a wall, my mind runs into the strings of unanswered texts. The canceled lunch dates. The both of us ignoring the other’s texts, but then at the end, it was him. It was him who was awkward during the last phone call. He hung up on me abruptly, and I heard somebody else was there. Was it her? It’s possible they would have already been together by then. He said he’d text me to set up lunch, and he never did. 

“It won’t make you feel better,” she murmurs, cupping my head with her palm. The sound of tears edging at her words only makes mine come harder, and the feeling in my gut grows louder. 

“Then what will?” I beg, wondering if I’ll ever forget the taste of the salty tears. A taste I thought I could forget just late last month when my dad was cured. News that I told him, and had been impatiently waiting to do all day. “I thought I was just feeling okay again, Skye.”

“I know, Ree, I’m so sorry,” she returns, placing her cheek against mine, the first tear peeking through in her voice. “I’m sorry.”

I unpeel myself from her anxiously, kicking away the blankets before my feet land on the floor. 

“Where are you going?” she almost demands, the sound of her following me far away. 

“I’m gonna be sick,” I confess, rushing down the hall before falling to my knees in front of the toilet. The Cheerios and milk from earlier make a reappearance, along with the string cheese, and mushy contents of my other meals. 

Running a cold cloth along my face, Skye kneels in front of me, her face painted in sadness.

“How can it hurt so much, Skye, when he wasn’t even mine?” I croak, focusing on the lone tile in our bathroom that doesn’t match the rest of the flooring. 

“I think you’re wrong, he was yours, Ree.”

“I was so close. I fucked up, again,” I weep, my lips collapsing with yet another sob. 

“Don’t say that, don’t,” she insists, tucking her hair behind her studded ear when it goes every which way with the shaking of her head. “You can’t blame yourself for this.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It feels like it is. She’s so pretty . . Of course she is,” I remember aloud, breathing in quickly before the tears take hold of me once more. Closing my eyes, I reach out for her and let my head rest against her shoulder. 

“She really isn’t, Ree. A big pair of tits doesn’t make you pretty, and anyways, you’re far prettier. He could do much better, like you.”

“You’re just saying that,” I confess, trying to swallow, but my throat has tied itself into knots with the thoughts of him. And when that word falls out of bed inside of my head, I find that it can hurt worse. “I was his Becks, Skye, I thought it was right there. That it was gonna happen for us.”

“Oh, Ree,” she cries, sniffling against my hair when she pulls me against her. “I know, I’m so sorry . . so sorry.”

Nodding into her chest, it feels right as her necklace digs into my wet cheek. My jaw aches from clenching my teeth, and so does every other part of my body in some way. Somehow I let her bring me back to her bed, and hide me away in her arms. My head swims with questions, then fleeting hatred for him, and inconsolable longing the very next. I shed a tear for his smell, his contagious smile, that Scrabble game we’ll never finish, the churros I’ll never be able to eat again without him ruining them for me, the color of his eyes I could never forget, and the lost feeling of his lips I never got to kiss. The list miles long of things I never got to say to him, or do with him, or make him feel. Because now she does, and she isn’t me. 

“I-I thought . . that he felt the same way about me, and that somehow he knew that I loved him.” 

A whimper escapes Skye’s lips as my tears fall into her neck, adding to the puddle I’ve shed there. 

“What does she have that I don’t? Am I not interesting? Does she have a nicer body than I do? Am I not pretty enough? Was I not nice enough or appreciative of him?” I weep, the questions flowing off my lips from the recesses of my mind. My name greets my ears firmly, but I ignore it. “I was trying to answer his texts when I could, but things got so busy with uni and my dad. All the driving, the tests in both places, and I couldn’t keep dates right in my head. Maybe if I’d texted him back sooner that one time, or made the lunch date on the right day the first time-.”

“Becky, don’t do the ‘ifs’ thing,” Skye urges, pulling the covers further up our shoulders before returning to combing my hair back again and again. 

“But I can’t stop thinking about what went wrong, a-and how much I miss him, Skye. I miss him a hundred times more after seeing that picture,” I reveal, falling into her, my lips meeting her shoulder. My teeth dig into my skin and I let them, numb to the pain as the same word is too busy with my mind. “I don’t know if I ever wanna see him again.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“But I do want to, I’ll always want to. Like something inside of me will always want him.” 

+

The sunlight streaming in through the windows is the first thing I see when I awake. Ducking my head back under the covers, I pull them over me with a groan. The blissful ignorance of the first few minutes after waking up follows me, until it all comes crashing back. 

“Are you awake?” a voice murmurs, sleep clinging to it. 

“Unfortunately,” I whisper, staring into the muted light underneath the gray covers. 

“I can stay home if you want me to, I was just making some breakfast,” Skye responds, the tapping of her feet along the floor following. 

“No, don’t cancel your hair appointments because of me. I’ll be . . I’ll be fine,” I tell her, but then the tears greet me good morning. 

“Oh, Ree, I’ll cancel and we can watch movies all day, or FRIENDS. Whatever you want,” she announces. The bed falls to one side when she sits on the edge, and I feel her hand find my back. 

“Thanks, I was hoping you’d say that,” I return, turning around and sitting up to dive into her arms. “I was hoping I had dreamt it all and it was just a bad dream. But my life is the bad dream.”

“Oh, Ree,” she coos, surrounding me with her arms. “I know this is cliche and it doesn’t feel like it, but it’ll get better.”

“I don’t know about that. My life is a running joke lately because it feels like it’ll get better, and then it just gets worse.”

+

“Your birthday is coming up, isn’t it, Becky?” somebody asks. Looking up from my cupcake, I find the face of Sophie. 

“Yeah, end of next week,” I answer, picking an orange sprinkle from the white frosting to eat.

“Do you have any big plans?” my boss asks as she places her lunch in the microwave. 

“My brother and I hang out every year, we’re twins.”

“Oh, how fun! I remember meeting him once when he brought you lunch one day,” she smiles, turning to face me as she waits in front of the humming microwave. 

I just nod and dip my finger into the frosting, feeling it melt on my tongue a second later. 

“Everything alright, love?”

“Yep, just tired is all,” I fib, taking a bite of the carrot cupcake, although I’m not wrong when I think about it. Skye has been a lifesaver for the last two weeks helping me get back on my feet. Thinking back on it and all of the tears leaves a funny taste in my mouth, but I try to brush it away with a forced smile. 

“How old will you be this year, Becky?” Sophie asks, pulling out a rolling chair to sit to my right at the long table. 

“Good old 26.”

“Wow, still a spring chicken, I’d say,” she comments, bringing a quirky smile to my lips. I almost follow her laugh with mine. “Well you know what, an early birthday present from me is you can have the rest of the day off. You always do a great job, Becky, and so you deserve it.”

“Sophie, I-,” I begin, my jaw falling to the floor. 

“I mean it, go. Get out of here. Go do something that makes you happy, love, it looks like you need to,” she smiles, squeezing my arm from across the table. Standing to my feet, profuse ‘thank yous’ leave my lips before I leave the break room. 

I drive around with my windows down, unsure of where to go instead of home. Before I know it, I find myself walking into my favorite little coffee shop. I’ve always loved to hang out here with a cup, reading a book, doing homework, or just relaxing on one of their sofas. 

Soon, I sit down with a Cubano sandwich and an iced cinnamon roll coffee, my very favorite. Pulling a book out of my work bag, I crack it open to the first page, unable to remember when I last had the time to read a book for fun. The words of Ruth Ware stare back at me, slowly drawing me into a made-up world, and away from the desolate one trying to swallow me. 

Quickly, I’m grateful for the respite from the thoughts mucking up my mind. Instead I lose myself in the sentences that spin a scary story, thanking my old self for stashing something besides a romance in my bag. That’s the last thing I could even think about indulging in right now. For some reason, the mystery entices me, a genre I’ve always had a love for. I think, especially now, it’s the aspect of being able to solve a mystery, and to fix a problem. If only I could do that now, I wish silently with a spiteful snort. 

Placing my empty plate on the return area by the cash register, I return to my cozy spot on the couch and to my book. Losing my fingers in my hair, I prop my head up and open the book to where I had left off. Soft indie music trickles from the speakers as conversations float around me. Several more sofas are dotted around the large room and booths, as well as tables varying in sizes. Friends play board games borrowed from the shelf by the fireplace, and others do schoolwork or actual work. A laugh from behind the counter echos through the room, right as the bell on the front door jingles. Although across the room, I can hear the voices floating in from the sidewalk. Cars honking and birds chirping. The sounds make me itch to leave the air-conditioned room, and bring my reading outside into the June sunshine. 

The words covering the pages root me to the spot, but they can’t protect me from what I hear. It’s a voice that I know inside and out, from the shortened words to the often used words. My vocal cords soon begin to tangle into knots in my throat at the mere noise. Beneath my baby blue blouse, there’s a clobbering in my chest as the voice grows near and then stops. Instinctively, hair falls through my fingers as I lower my head, wishing to remain unseen. Unknown. 

I can’t stop myself, and there I am looking up to see that crinkly-eyed smile through wrenching tears. 

Harry. 

[benexolence]

Holy (M)

Professor!Kim Namjoon x Student!Reader

little bit of Jungkook x Reader in the beginning though :-)

Word count: 7.7k

Rating = M

SUMMARY: You get yourself into gnarly trouble with the young professor that lives in your dreams, and you must help him with some grading as a punishment. Little did you know, he’s not the only one who’s willing to commit a misdeed that doesn’t necessarily align with your school’s faith.

Warnings: rough sex, spanking, sir kink, daddy kink, slight exhibitionism, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, fingering, cunnilingus, choking, dirty talk, straight fucking FILTH

A/N: plz don’t judge me as this is my first written smut, i triED my best, ok :<

**STB = BTS backwards. 

At the moment, it felt like a sauna to you. Inside the tiny space, the room was hot. The wall touching your back would feel the sheet of sweat that you’re currently covered in. It felt like there was barely any fresh oxygen in the room, it left you close to breathless. With the way Jungkook’s hands started sliding the underneath your uniform skirt almost left you breathless. The way his nails dug into the back of your thighs almost left you breathless. His open-mouth kisses all over your jawline were getting you close to your demise. But you were ultimately out of oxygen when his lips pressed right into the sweet spot of your neck; you reached your doom, but you couldn’t help but moan for more. His teeth grazed against the spot with desperation. All he wanted to do is wreck your body until you couldn’t decide if you needed more or if you couldn’t handle it anymore. 

“Tell me what you want, baby” Jungkook moved his lips to whisper in your ear, only to nibble at it. “Daddy will give you whatever you want.” Jungkook’s hands moved his hands from the thighs to your ass, only to squeeze it in his palms. One hand moved to your hips, wrapping his fingers around the band of your panties, pulling at it and letting the band snap back to your hips. “You just have to tell me, baby.” You squirmed in his arms, desperate for anything. You didn’t care about who it was and what they did, you just needed someone to give you something to satisfy this frustration that built in your stomach. You were desperate enough to let an infamous fuckboy touch your body in the janitor’s closet of your school.  “Please, Daddy, t-touch me.” He slips his fingers down to your panties to touch your folds. Jungkook groans into your neck, “God, you’re damn so wet, Y/N. Were you thinking about me all day? Thinking about my fingers in your fucking panties?” You whine at his touch, bucking your hips for more friction. But that wasn’t enough for him. “Come on Y/N, tell me what you need and Daddy will give it for you” Jungkook spoke into your neck. You can feel his lips smirking, but you knew that you had to give into that damn cocky attitude to get what you want, even if you didn’t actually want him. Lying was your only way to get to your high, and you could easily do it. It wasn’t a problem for you because it was just so easy to imagine Jungkook as the man who actually made you drenched, who made you this frustrated, but also the man who will get you to your high, even if it’s your imagination. “Daddy, I-I needed your fingers, please” You whined. Thank the lord that you didn’t have to say Jungkook’s name; it would’ve been harder to get through this. It’s not that Jungkook isn’t good-looking. He is wildly attractive and charming, but he isn’t who you actually wanted. Jungkook pulls down your panties, letting them fall to your feet. He starts sucking at the sweet spot in your neck while his middle finger moves to your entrance, teasing it by circling at the rim of your hole. His thumb presses lightly on your clit. You moan out loud, so loud that you quickly cover your mouth with your hand. You want to cry out and stick his fingers inside you. You don’t want to wait anymore. It’s getting too much for you. It feels so damn fucking good, but it’s just not enough. “Please, Daddy, p-please” You whine a bit more as you move your other hand to his pants, cupping his groin. You begin to lightly squeeze his balls, and you hear a loud throaty moan. “Fuck, I need you right now. You want me too, right baby?” Jungkook groans as he starts to dip the tip of his finger inside you and lightly moving his thumb on your clit. “Yes! Yes! Always Daddy, please!” You cry out for him. Thankfully, he gives into pleads and slowly slides his finger inside out you, causing your mouth gape out and your eyes slam shut. You moan louder than before as you felt your walls clenching around his finger. Fucking finally, you thought to yourself. He lets his finger stay still inside of you, feeling how turned on you are, “Jesus fucking Christ, you’re so tight. You’re so naughty, baby. Do you think my thick cock can fit inside you?” Bucking your hips again, you whine for any movement on his part. “Please Daddy, make it fi--” Your pleads were interrupted by a bright light hitting the both of you. Your eyes slowly open and move in the direction of the light, only to find the man who caused you such frustration. He’s standing there, holding what looks to be a briefcase in his hands. For a second, you thought that Jungkook was so good, he got you to hallucinate, but you only realize you’re wrong when he suddenly yanked his hands away from you. “What the hell is happening here? Get out of this damn closet right now!” The man puts his briefcase down and roughly pulls Jungkook out of the closet, and his eyes move directly back to you. He scans your entire body, only to have his eyes almost bulge out at the sight of your panty-covered feet. He quickly moves his eyes in a different direction. “Ms. Y/L/N, make yourself look decent and put your undergarments back on,” He says with a stern tone. Reality hits you like a train, and you feel yourself being washed in humiliation as you quickly put your panties back on, but there’s a side that feels utterly thrilled heated when you notice the man possibly looking at your figure from the corner of his eyes. But you quickly dismiss that feeling when you try to fix your disheveled state. There’s no way he was looking at me. He’d never do that, you thought to yourself. “I’m decent, Mr. Kim” you spoke softly as you walk out of the closet with your head down and hands interlocked together in front of you. He turns to you and moves Jungkook next to you. He looks at the both you and Jungkook in complete disappointment. He grabbed open his briefcase and took out the university’s official notepad with a pen. He writes on two pieces of paper before tearing it out and handing each paper to both you and Jungkook. “I want both you and Jungkook in my office after you both confess your sins in the chapel. Immediately. I do not want to even look at both of you after what I just witnessed. Both of you must have the priest sign the paper with a timestamp after you are done, so I need that paper so I know that the both of you don’t continue this distasteful act.” “Namjoon Hyung, I’m sorr-” Jungkook tried to plead his way out of punishment before he got cut off. “Mr. Jeon, don’t you dare talk to me so casually after what you just did. Do it again, and I’ll make it worse for you. I might be a few years older than you but don’t ever forget that I am your elder and your professor, you must respect that, especially now.” Namjoon scolded Jungkook sternly. But even though you were witnessing a scolding, you couldn’t help but feel the frustration coming back. It was the way Namjoon talked to Jungkook, the anger and aggression in his tone; you felt the strength in your knees draining. Namjoon turned to you with the irritation heavy in his eyes, and you gazed your head up towards him. He spoke to you with a softer yet stern tone. “As for you, Ms. Y/L/N, I suggest you go down to the nurse’s office and change into a new uniform. You should also fix yourself up before going to the chapel. You must timestamp your visit to the nurse’s office as well.” Namjoon looked straight into your eyes after his spoke words and repeat his actions before, scanning your body with an intense glare. You quickly move your gaze back to the ground, unable about to look at him directly with the embarrassment and unintentional arousal flooding your body. You can’t control how you feel when he is around, and it’s so goddamn frustrating. “Yes, sir. I will do so.” You shyly utter the words, it was almost a miracle that he actually could hear you. But you can’t help but notice the subtle shudder of Namjoon’s body after you spoke. It was undetectable, faint. Jungkook was unaware of such a move, but you saw it. You’d bet money that if there were anyone else around you, they wouldn’t notice either. You wonder if he felt cold or if it was your words. But like earlier, you dismiss your thoughts, not believing in your unordinary beliefs. Namjoon moves to Jungkook and puts his hand on Jungkook’s upper back. His hands are covered in rings, which you find odd for him to wear at work, but your thoughts pull you into a sinister imagination. You snap out of your dreams as quickly as they came when he starts to move Jungkook as he slowly walks away. “Mr. Jeon, You will come with me to the locker-room. I’m feeling nice enough to give you a new set of clothes because you’re covered in sweat.” Namjoon stops for a second and turns his head back to you, “Ms. Y/L/N, I will meet you in my office ASAP. You can go down to the nurse’s office now.” You nodded your head and spoke, “Okay sir, I will see you then.” You looked back to Namjoon, only to find his momentarily still in place before he continued in the direction of the locker-room. You started to walk quickly in the course of the nurse’s office before any other student saw you.

During your visits to the nurse’s office and the chapel, you can’t help but be pulled back into your thoughts of Namjoon’s hands, his rings especially. When the nurse was scolding you with phrases of how sinful this was and yelling about the lessons of early childhood Sunday school, you wondered how cold Namjoon’s rings must be on your hot skin. When you were listening to the priest telling you what you must for your penance of adultery, you wondered if Namjoon touches himself with those rings on. It wasn’t great that think about him as much as you do, especially since he’s your professor at the private Catholic University you attended. It was more ironic that he was your professor for your Theology 107 class, Intro to Catholic Moral Theology. What surprised you the most is no one made you feel the way he made you feel, just his presence put shocks through your body. You knew you were screwed from the moment you saw him walk into the lecture hall of your class. Namjoon had a towering figure; he was a tall man with a lean body type; it made you feel like he’s larger than life when he was near you. He had a slick ash-blonde undercut that complemented well his sun-kissed skin. Namjoon held a compelling aura around him, it left many people speechless at times, but it left you speechless and frustrated. His voice didn’t help your problem either. When he spoke, you would usually shiver at the way his baritone voice caused goosebumps to grow on your skin. Namjoon wasn’t just a pretty face either. The words he spoke were wise and thoughtful, a simple sentence he spoke could hint at his great wisdom and intelligence, despite only being five years older than you. He was stern in his words; the commanding tone made you want to get on your knees as fast as you possibly can. During his lectures, you can hear the passion in his voice, the love he has for the goodness in humanity. You knew his heart was kind when he shared all the possible resources for communicating with him to his class; “I don’t want you guys to pass my class, I want you to come out of here, understanding the morality of right and wrong. But I’ll still make sure that each person still passes this class anyway”. He was a caring, and kind person; it just wasn’t fair for you because there was nothing you could use to make yourself dislike him to any capacity. Kim Namjoon was the epitome of frustration for you. It made you confused on whether you wanted to withdraw his class to end your troubles or start attending office hours just to see him. You wanted to express your feelings to someone but it seemed like everyone around you would start spewing words of sinfulness and disappointment to you, even though those people are probably having the same lustful thoughts of him as well. Being at a small college that you attended, you forced to keep your shit together around him. Though it didn’t matter much about what you did with boys like Jungkook, the smallest mistake around Namjoon could jeopardize the friendships you created and the reputation at your school. It’s not that you cared about what other people think but you’d rather stay away from the possible name-calling and bullying that might occur.     All these things were filling your mind as you walked to Namjoon’s office. It was getting harder to keep your frustrations to a minimum; but today, you lost control of yourself. This morning was especially tough since your dreams were filled with nothing but Namjoon’s hands. You woke up, already extraordinarily irritated and frustrated, and from that moment, it seemed like everything around you tried to trigger you. People were irritating you, the lack of food in your apartment irritated you, a random pop-quiz irritated you, and the hot, dry weather irritated you. You were close to overflowing with irritation as you were walking past the football field until your eyes found Namjoon in the area. His coaching uniform stuck to him due to the sweat covering his body. He was teaching new tricks to use in the upcoming soccer game, and you watch as his body moved so smoothly through the field. It seemed like everything he was doing required no effort. But that notion quickly disappeared when he kicked the ball into the goal. The pride and sheer aggression he possessed when he kicked the ball made you think he might destroy the goal. You thought about if he might have the same aggression when he's touching someone, putting the same level of effort and power in his thrusts when he’s fucking someone, such thoughts making your knees almost buckle in return. After the boy landed in the goal, he turned to the team and gave a radiant cocky smile, and that’s when you snapped completely. Your frustration was overflowing covering the small bits of your weaken sanity, causing you to pull your phone and find the number of some boy that you know would satisfy your needs for the time being. Your thoughts silenced themselves as you approach the door of Namjoon’s office. You could hear Namjoon scolding Jungkook, and it becomes quiet when you knocked on the door. You hear Namjoon yell a “come in” and you open the door almost immediately. Once the door is open, you find a cowering Jungkook with his head down in fear and shame while Namjoon sits in his seat, calm and controlled. “Hello Ms. Y/L/N. Please hand in your timestamps and take a seat.” Namjoon spoke as he lifted his open palms towards you, hinting to place the notepaper in that hand. Your hands slightly shook as you set the paper in his palm. His fingertips accidentally graze your hand causing you to immediately mirror Jungkook’s figure, tilting your face down to hide your blushing features. You feel Namjoon’s stare burning holes in your mind as you continue facing the ground. “So, Ms. Y/L/N, I was just talking to Mr. Jeon about the consequences he must endure for such offense. Fortunately for you, this is your first offense so your punishment will not be as severe as Mr. Jeon’s, as he has committed adultery on campus-grounds multiple times.” Namjoon’s tone shifted from stern to downright irritated towards the end of his sentence, making you almost chuckle at how stupid Jungkook could be at getting caught many times. “Still, I must reprimand you for such an incident. This astonishes me because I expected better from you, Y/N.” At the sound of your name leaving his lips and you instantly shiver. Why the hell are you so damn turned on? You could literally get kicked out of your university right now. You shifted your thighs together for relief and took a deep breath before facing Namjoon and speaking. “Mr. Kim, I’m not sure what to say, but I would like to apologize for my behavior. I shouldn’t have done this to myself or Jungkook, so I will take whatever punishment you give me.”

“I know that you are a good student, Y/N. And I know how a student’s life can be busy at times so I will go lightly on you, this one time. You’ve always turned in lovely essays in my class so as your punishment, you will come into my office and grade the essays that will be turned in this week. You will grade all 273 essays this upcoming Friday, come in at 6pm. No earlier, no later. Do you understand what you have to do, Ms. Y/L/N?” Namjoon’s smile resembled a cheshire cat as he spoke more about your punishment. He’s utterly cruel, you thought to yourself. That essay has a 10-page minimum requirement, and so there are at least 1000 pages that you have to read. The pieces aren't even interesting, it’s basically nothing but the history of good morals, and it was already mind-numbing to write the goddamn thing. “Yes, Mr. Kim, I do.” You tried your best to hide your irritation in your tone. It’s hard not to be irritated; you have to spend your Friday night, grading essays even if your brain starts melting. “Then you are dismissed, Ms. Y/L/N. I will see you on Friday.” Namjoon says with a slight smile as you stand up and leave the room. You’re fucked. Not only is your mind going to die by the 50th essay, but you possibly wouldn’t be able to function well because you’re going to around him.

There were no words to describe how exhausted you were today. You’ve spent the past few days studying, and you were just mentally-drained. You just wanted to get all this grading done as fast as you possibly can so you sleep for the rest of the weekend. Your fatigue caused you to drag yourself to Namjoon’s office, groaning every other minute about how awful the next few hours would be. You’ve been dreading this day because you knew that this night would be filled with nothing but absolute frustration. It was hard to bring yourself to knock on his office door, wanting to stall time a bit longer; thankfully you received a text just in time to distract you for a bit. Jungkook [5:55 pm]: Hey baby, are we still on for tonight? As a present for yourself, you made plans with Jungkook to binge-watch some random Netflix series. Even though these activities were planned for the night, it seemed that both you and Jungkook knew precisely what would eventually happen tonight, finishing what both of you and him started in that closet earlier in the week. You went a step further and wore a shorter than appropriate skirt with a matching blouse, so he had easier access. You needed to get your frustration in your stomach to leave because it was just getting painful now. You [5:58 pm]: Of course :-) I’ll probs be done by 10pm, I’ll text you when I leave Namjoon’s office. You wanted to relish in the possible events that might occur when you see Jungkook tonight, but you knew better than to delay the inevitable. You wanted to zoom through these damn fucking essays. You lightly knocked on the door, immediately having Namjoon open it with a bright smile on his face. “Right on time, Y/N. Let’s get started. Please take a seat” He held the door open for you, and as you walked into the office, you kept the same pose you had the last time you saw him, face down with your hands interlocked in front of your thighs. Both you and Namjoon walked to your seats, and you sat in the chair opposing to his seat. As he sat down, he swiftly placed a grading sheet and a stack of essays in front of you. “So Y/N, grading these papers is pretty simple actually. You have to read them over and make sure that they follow the guidelines on the rubric.” He pointed to the grading sheet and continued, “And read them over for clarity and accuracy. If you have any questions or you need help, please don’t hesitate to ask.” Although his tone was stern, you can tell he was trying his best to be kind to you. “Okay, Mr. Kim, thank you.” You continued facing downwards as you nodded as your hands reached for a pen and the first essay of many, you just wanted to get through all of this quickly.

“Oh please Y/N, you can call me Namjoon. Although you’re here for outlandish reasons, you still don’t need to be formal with me right now.” Namjoon gave a soft smile, which caused you to blush a bit. You knew that you had to look at him to get through this night normally, but it was definitely easier said than done, especially with the way he looked at the moment. Often, you’d always see Namjoon in business-casual attire or his coaching uniform but today was a bit different because he was nothing but casual. Namjoon seemed to look ridiculously hot in everything he wore. He wore a plain black shirt, revealing his lean biceps and gave way for his broad shoulders, with light blue ripped jeans, which accentuated his legs nicely. You recognize his shirt as a merch from a K-Rock group you like, STB. “Is that an STB shirt?” You lift your head to speak to him, with confidence for the first time, which shocked you a bit moments afterward. “Yes, it is! You like them?” Namjoon spoke excitedly with the biggest grin on his face. “I think my favorite album by STB is ‘Hate Yourself: Him’ but my favorite song by them is probably ‘Cypher -69’. My bias is definitely RM, aka Red Mango.” “My bias is Seokjom, for sure. But I really like that album! I actually like the album, Burnt Wings, a bit better; I like the song, ‘BS&T.’ The choreography is absolutely wild.” You mentioned to Namjoon, hoping that he might care. “Wait, which song is BS&T?” Namjoon questioned. “BS&T is ‘Buns, Salt, & Tomato.’ It’s the song where all the members had an orange mohawk.” You clarified for him, surprised that he didn’t know the acronym for such a beautiful song. “Wait, I know that song! They all looked so good. I was a bit surprised they could all pull off an orange mohawk.” Namjoon chuckled as he placed more papers on your side of the desk. Feeling a bit more confident, you started asking Namjoon questions about himself, “So Namjoon, STB is a bit of a rated musical group. What’s a man like you doing listening to such bold music?” Namjoon seemed surprised when you asked, but it looked like he was happy to answer anyway. “To answer your question, I may be a professor who’s teaching theological morals at a Catholic college, but there’s nothing wrong with observing and occasionally diving in provocative acts.” He started to smirk at you as he leaned slightly closer to you. “But I can ask you the same question, Ms. Y/L/N.” “I, um, I--” You were shocked by such an answer, startled by the possible meaning behind his words. You practically froze in place, scaring yourself as you realize he can see you blushing from this angle. You could barely continue until Namjoon leaned even closer to your face and spoke lightly,  “What’s wrong, Y/N? Cat got your tongue?”. He waited a few moments for you to speak but instead, you quickly faced the ground again, hiding your face which caused him to chuckle. Namjoon stood up and started walked around his desk, “Ya know Y/N, I’ve always noticed you could never look at me for more than a few moments, let alone find the words to speak to me properly. I wondered what caused you to do such things around me.” Namjoon had a sly smile once he sat in the chair right next to you. “Do I make you nervous, Y/N?” He cocked his head to the side in question towards you. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, let alone answer his damn question. You were blushing profusely with embarrassment, but you couldn’t help yourself when he had such an effect on you with just his words. His hand lifted to tilt your chin in the direction of his face softly so that he can see your features. “Answer my question, Y/N,” Namjoon spoke with more force in his tone. “Y-yes” You stumbled over the one word because the feeling of his long fingers under your chins has small shocks moving straight to your core. “Yes, what, Y/N?” Namjoon moved your chin closer to his face, with his eyes taking the time to analyze the shape of your lips. “I’d like to speak a bit more formally with me right now.” You didn’t know what to say, but your mind couldn’t help go to the word that made him shudder and frozen in place. “Yes, s-sir” You felt like you were going to collapse, you just wanted to moan out and just starting begging him to touch you everywhere, but your lingering embarrassment was still in your veins and fresh in your face. “Good girl, I knew that you would get it quickly.” He let his hand fall from your chin to the legs. The pet-name made shivers run down your spine. Namjoon moved to sit in the seat next to you, the seat that Jungkook sat in only a few days ago. It almost caused you to started to squirm in your seat when you felt his ring-covered fingers digging into your thighs. “So tell me Y/N, why do I make you nervous?” The question makes your breathing erratic, The sounds of your breath coming out as heavy and uneven. Namjoon noticed your struggle to breathe, and so he continued, “Are you nervous because you find me attractive? Do I make your knees weak, sweetheart?” You slowly nodded your head, not trusting your voice because you knew the only thing that would come out is a moan. But it felt Namjoon squeezing your thighs, wanting a verbal answer. “Yes sir, you’re all I think about.” “Really? You’re such a sinful girl. Do you know how wrong it is to think of me in such a daring way?” You felt his hands slide under your skirt, moving slowly to your inner thighs. You started to squirm in your hands, needing to have his hands on you. “What is it, Y/N? Do you want me to touch you?” Namjoon’s fingertips moved to follow your panty line, causing you to whine. “Speak up for me, babygirl.” “Please sir, please touch me” You whine to him, slightly opening your legs up for him. As soon as you did that, you felt two fingers graze down your clothed core, only to realize how wet you are. “Such a naughty girl, I haven’t done a single thing to you, and you already ruined your panties” It seems as though Namjoon’s voice went an octave lower, causing you to drench your panties even more. Namjoon suddenly takes his hand from underneath your skirt and grabs your wrist. He stands up and pulls you up along with him, resulting in you standing between him and his desk. He closes the tiny gap between the both of you and grabs your hips with both hands to push you up on his desk. Namjoon slides his hand back to your core, moving your panties to the side to dip his fingers in your drenched folds. You sigh in nothing but relief because finally, your daydreams are coming true. You’re getting what you truly need, receiving the thing that will finally sedate the hunger that’s been haunting you for too many goddamn nights. The cheering in your head was momentarily interrupted when a shockwave runs through your body as you felt Namjoon press his thumb your clit. “Are you nervous now Y/N? Are you embarrassed with yourself?” Namjoon sneers his words as his thumb starts to create circles on your clit. He buries himself in your neck, leaving teasing pecks all the column of your throat. Your hands start covering your mouth, trying to conceal the moans that falling out. But Namjoon doesn’t like this one bit, so his other hand leaves your hips to grab your wrist with a tight grip and held it behind your lower back. He whispers in your ear, “Don’t hide yourself babygirl. Don’t you want people to hear you? You were definitely loud earlier with Jungkook. Did you want me to hear you, Y/N?” Namjoon lets his thumb fall your needy nub. He starts dipping his finger in your hole, moving it teasingly slow so he can bask in your whines. You nodded your head furiously, doing anything to get him to move faster. You might explode from the teasing that you’re starting to endure. But again, Namjoon didn’t like what you just did. So he shoves two fingers into your heat, until he’s knuckle-deep, only to still them completely. “Answer me right now or I wouldn’t fucking move.” You cry out from the sudden intrusion and shudder at the foreign feeling of coolness touching your walls caused by his rings. You force yourself to muster up an answer as your hips start buckling, “Y-yes sir, I-I wanted you to know.” Namjoon starts a slow pace with his fingers, curling them on the spot inside you, causing you to fall instantly on his desk. You start losing control of your free-falling moans at the feeling his rings sliding in and out of you. He just started, but you feel the coil in your stomach getting tighter quickly. “I wonder what everyone might think, to have such an unholy girl walk on our campus. To have someone among us, who is so easily influenced by their desires. A person that's willing to do anything to achieve them, even if it means getting finger-fucked in a messy closet or by your professor.” His pace starts getting faster, pulling his fingers all the way out only to slam them in deep within a second, making you lose all control over your moans. Your walls start clenching your fingers as the coil in your stomach gets ready to snap. You can barely understand how he’s got you so close in record time. His smirk was cocky as the soft tone of his voice meets your ears. “Babygirl, how are you ready so fast? Were you thinking about me doing this to you today? You probably think about me doing bad things to you often, huh?” “Yes! Yes! I do Sir, all the time” You cry out at the sudden urge to answer his question, hoping that would please him. “Are you gonna cum, Y/N? Are you gonna cum on my fingers shoved inside your needy little cunt? You better fucking beg for it” Namjoon snarled slightly at the words. “Please, sir! Please, let me cum. I’ll be so good for you. Sir. Please” Your legs start trembling uncontrollably as your high gets so damn close. “Then cum for me, babygirl,” You were a bit thrown off at the sudden change in tone from slightly rough to completely gentle. But your mind stopped working as Namjoon presses his thumb hard against your clit, snapping your coil. You felt your blood turn into lava as your high blessed your senses completely. Never have you came hard from someone’s fingers but Namjoon seemed to prove you wrong. There were only a few short moments of stillness before his fingers left your heat and started to rip off your blouse and skirt, leaving you in your bra and panties. Namjoon stepped back to take in your appearance, only to broadcast a small loving smile on his face. But his words immediately put you on edge again once they left his lips. “Babygirl, I can’t wait to ruin you.” His smile morphed into a sinister grin as he rushed back you and sent your bra flying across the room. He pulled open your legs and tore your panties off. He immediately got on his knees, so he was facing your sopping cunt. Namjoon traces the outline of your folds that send a wave of shivers throughout your body from the oversensitivity. “N-namjoon, please. I c-can’t”, but he immediately hushed your whimpers. You did something he didn’t enjoy, again. His unoccupied hand went straight to grip your chin harshly, and he sent a stare that both scared and excited you. “What did you just call me?” He growls as his intense gaze sends multiple spikes of adrenaline throughout your veins. “Sir please, I’m sorry, but I just can’t.” You spoke softly, not wanting to provoke him in any way. “Well unfortunately for you, Y/N, I already know that you can...” Namjoon’s voice went an octave lower as both hands sneaked their way to your calf muscles. “... And you will, anyway.” Before you could say anything, Namjoon dragged your legs forward and let go, letting them hang off the desk. He moved to tightly grip your hips and repeat a similar action, pulling your hips towards his face. Instantly, he dove into your core and licked a bold strip between your folds before his tongue started hitting your clit. Your moans were strained and filled the room as you arch your back. The pleasure was just so raw, you felt it throughout your body, and it was intoxicating. You thought it couldn’t get any better, Namjoon pushed his fingers moved back to your entrance, and you clenched at the feeling, whining loudly as your thighs shook. His fingers moved at a furious pace, hitting your sweet spot hard each time. “Goddamnit babygirl, how are you still so tight? I wonder, did Jungkook made you this wet? Did he make you cum this fast?” Namjoon started to groan when your walls were clutching harder onto his fingers. When you didn’t answer his question, his other hand smacked your ass, and you cried out. The pain of his ring-covered hands spanking your cheeks only added to the immense pleasure that you could barely handle. Your second orgasm was approaching, but you can hardly hold yourself together. “Answer me when I’m fucking talking to you” Namjoon’s voice dripped in raspiness. No man has ever been rough with you at this point, but Namjoon was seriously making you rethink all your preferences. “N-no Sir, Jungkook didn’t make me cum. H-he didn’t make me wet. You did, it’s a-all for you, Sir.” You barely had any control over the shakiness in your voice, but you didn’t care, not with the way he’s making you feel right now. “Awh babygirl, you’re so damn dirty. Thinking of another man when you’re being touched by someone else? I didn’t know you needed me so fucking bad.” His words continued igniting a fire that was growing through every part of your body. Namjoon was right, his words were exact. You’d do anything for this man, and you don’t think you can even go back to anyone else. Your thoughts were confirmed when he added a third finger to the mix, sending you straight to the end. Your release was fast approaching, but your hazy mind told you that you wouldn’t experience absolute bliss until you asked. “Sir please, can I please cum? I w-want it so bad” you whined for relief, you needed it so badly. “Such a good girl, asking for permission. Go ahead, cum for me.” As soon as the words left his mouth, your mind went foggy as the instantaneous pleasure migrate throughout your body, causing your body to fall limp. You felt exhaustion ease into your body, not noticing the sound of Namjoon unbuckling his jeans, or his pants falling to the floor. Your attention returned when he lifted you off the desk, only to turn you around and bend you over his desk. He held a vise-grip on your hips and pushed you against him. You felt his hard cock right behind your cheeks of your ass. “S-sir, I’m so sensitive.” You sighed in fatigue, only to have that interrupted by the feeling of his tip at your entrance. “Isn’t this what you want, Y/N?...” Namjoon slowly pushed himself all the way into your hole, having you mewl in oversensitivity. The cock was so thick, and you haven’t felt anyone so deep inside you, touching parts of you that you never knew needed to be touched. Namjoon groaned in pleasure, your hole tight around his cock. The exhilaration took his breath away briefly, momentarily forgetting about his surroundings. After of few moments of letting both of you adjust to the snug fit, he pulled all the way out, only to slam right back into you. Namjoon continued to speak with a bit of strain, “... To get fucked on my fat cock? To have me fuck you so damn hard that you pass out? Because that’s what I’m gonna do, I wouldn’t stop until you fucking pass out.” Your eyes welled up with tears of pleasure as his hard-hitting pace grew faster. Your moans turned into screams due to the massive amount of pleasure building in your stomach. Your senses were completely overloaded, and you felt fucking everything. “Look at you, taking my cock so fucking well. Letting me stretch out your greedy little cunt.” The growl of his words sounded sinister. You suddenly felt one of his hands leave your hip, slithering its way to your throat; he spread his fingers out as he wrapped them around your neck. Your withering walls clamped hard around his cock at the feeling, causing him to groan as loud as your screams. “Are you gonna cum for me, Y/N? Are you gonna cum hard on my cock?” Namjoon spoke as his grip on your throat became tighter, and his pace became harder. The insufficient amount of oxygen to your brain left you to choke out an answer, “Yes! Yes, sir!” “Then do it, cum all over my cock, babygirl” He releases his grip on your throat, letting the air race back into your lungs and head; almost immediately, you scream out a constant mantra of Namjoon’s name as your high hit you like a freight train. Your entire body shook as your mind went blank of only white burning pleasure. Your whole being was in a trance of nirvana, all you could do is bask in the sensations that froze the blood in your body. You could barely feel Namjoon pulling out and turning you around to face him, the daze having you laid there as you sigh in relief. However, it was interrupted completely when Namjoon turns grabs you by the thighs and lifts you, only to have you straddle his lap while he sits in the chair you previously sat in. Your eyes glanced and almost bulge out of their sockets when you see he was still as hard as a fucking rock. “N-namjoon, I--” Your shaky sentence was already cut short when you felt Namjoon’s cock against your leaking folds. “One more, sweetheart,” He cupped your tear-stained, blushing cheeks in the palms of his hands. Your eyes slowly glanced up to look into his, only to find a tenderness to them. Namjoon started to place soft kisses along both sides of your jawline. “I promise, okay?” As Namjoon spoke, he moved to gaze into your eyes, searching for any sign of discomfort. From the warmth in his tone and tenderness in his eyes, you nodded your head with a weak “okay.” Namjoon lifted you slightly only as he moved his one of his hands to rest his tip your entrance. The hand that was cupping cheeks pull you closer to his face, letting him plant the first actual kiss of the night. His lips were plush and soft against yours; his gentle kiss left you with a warmth growing in your chest, leading you to chase his lips for more. You tangled your fingers in his hair, tugging ever so slightly, causing him to moan. His lips distract you as he slowly pushed back inside you. You broke the kiss to shake out a broken gasp. Your oversensitivity left your body shuddering uncontrollably, along with whimpers falling from your agape mouth. Namjoon stays still for a few moments, placing kisses all over your neck and face with constant reassurances of how lovely you are. He rubbed your back, to comfort you. These actions left you confused; you were quite honestly dumbstruck at the sudden sexual change from rough to gentle. Namjoon started to move; his thrusts were nothing like the recent occasion. Instead of hard-hitting pace, he moved slowly and passionately; he wasn’t thrusting roughly, Namjoon grinded his cock into you at a pace where it seemed like he wanted to savor each moment he had with you. His grinding movement limited the amount of stimulation you felt, letting your high build at a slow pace. “Sweetheart, you’re doing such a good job, taking me so well.” Namjoon moved his lips to whispered in your ear, “You feel so good around me, so tight and wet. You’re such a good girl.” As he continues moaning praises into your ear, his pace started becoming uneven and sloppy. His breathing pattern became heavier and strained as he spoke, “Come on sweetheart, cum with me. You can do it, just let go.” Namjoon grinded his hips upward, hitting your clit in the process which caused you to snap and reach your high. You were only aware of body violently trembling as your orgasm soars through you. Your release was prolonged, as Namjoon colored your swollen walls in white, burying his head into your neck as he groans in the process. Both of you stay still in comforting silence, the sounds of erratic breathing only filling the room. After a few moments, Namjoon stands up to carefully lifts your body off of him, pulling out in the process, and lays you on his desk. He grabs a few tissues and opens your legs gently to clean the leaking cum from your heat cautiously. You’re unaware of your surroundings or Namjoon as you were completely and utterly fucked out. You were barely conscious when he sits you up and tries to get water down your throat. You start to come back to life when you felt your skirt being pulled onto you. You realize Namjoon put your clothes back on you, surprised at such the kind behavior. “Namj-joon...” You weren’t necessarily shocked to find your voice to be small and weak. Namjoon chuckled at the sound of your voice, “Well hi there, you were bit dazed out for a few minutes there. I was afraid that I actually fucked your brains out.” You huffed out, “I c-can’t help it, I came four times. I still feel a bit hazy honestly.” You moved to stand up, but your legs gave out on you, causing you to almost fall to the ground. Thankfully, Namjoon was quick enough to catch you.

“Woah there, you gotta be careful Y/N.” Namjoon lifts you back to his desk and hands you a water bottle while shooting you a smile, “Give yourself a few moments to breathe a bit and whenever you’re ready, I’ll get some food with you and walk you back to your apartment.” Namjoon starts to fix himself up a bit more afterward. You did by drinking the water steadily, relaxing your breathing a bit every few sips. While doing so, you decided looked at your phone, checking for any possible notifications you missed. You stifle a laugh when you look at the time, encountering a large number of messages from Jungkook, saying something along of the “where are you?” and “did you fucking dip on me?” and only to see that it’s 2 hours past the time you were supposed to meet up with the boy. You text him a quick “sorry :/, but i’m out” and put your phone down. You look around Namjoon’s desk, and you end up sighing in slight frustration. The essays you were supposed to grade were all over the place, and some papers even covered in sweat. Namjoon notices you looking around at the essays, so he turns towards you and speaks, “You don’t have to worry about that right now.” Unsure of what exactly to say, you decide to ask him questions about your possible grading, “Wait really? Are you sure?” “Yeah, it’s no problem Y/N” Namjoon walks to you, wrapping his arm around your waist. He pulls you down from the desk so that you’re standing steadily due to his grip. You glanced up to his towering face to find a cocky smirk. He starts chuckling as he walks you out of his office, “You just have to come in this weekend and grade them with me instead.”

[jihyosforehead]

can i get some seulrene angst please

delicious yes i got u (fair warning this is pre long!!!)  …

seulrene meet in their university library

irene is sitting alone at her regular table, trying and failing to study for her advanced statistics test

in the middle of daydreaming about dropping out, seulgi turns up asking if she can sit at irenes table bc everywhere else is full

irene blinks and stares dumbly bc seulgi is lowkey the most adorable human being she has ever seen (the sweater paws are doing something to her heart)

and irene is distracted because seulgi is watching her lecture, knees pulled to her chest, elbows propping her head up, the tips of her fingers peaking out from her sleeves. irene feels her stomach flip uncomfortably

seulgi comes to her table again the next day and the day after that and at the end of the fourth time they sit together, seulgi starts leaving irene little snacks and finally introduces herself after realising she doesnt actually know irenes name

eventually they hang out outside of the library and realise they have mutual friends (seulgi with wendy and irene with yeri; and yeri and wendy with each other)

one day their whole group was meant to hang out but literally everyone bailed citing “personal emergencies” but seulrene didn’t realise this until theyre sitting in a cafe just the two of them

and it’s awkward at first but irene makes a joke about their friends being dumb and they go into this whole tangent of stories about their lives and they look at the time and they might as well get dinner since it’s late and they still wanna continue their conversation

irenes never met a person who could make her scream laugh so loud that people start staring

irenes regular table at the library becomes irene and seulgi’s regular table at the library and somewhere between that day in the cafe and right now, thursday afternoon approximately 3:43pm, does irene realise she has the biggest fattest crush on seulgi

and so she remembers seulgi’s fav snacks, remembers when seulgi’s tests are and helps her study for them, remembers her favourite movies and exhibitions she wants to see, remembers where she always loses her keys and has a sixth sense for when seulgi’s about to trip over her feet

and seulgi for all her clumsiness has a knack for understanding irene’s cold front and chips away at it, and it’s too late for irene to realise that seulgi has crawled her way into her heart and taken up permanent residence there

(she thinks she doesnt mind it)

seulgi runs off to the bathroom for a second and the open notebook catches her eye and irene finds herself picking it up to look at it more closely and it’s a drawing of her, looking otherworldly, almost unreal and irene is shookt. the book slips out of her hands and it lands on another page and it’s irene sipping some coffee, she flips the page and it’s of irene taking a nap, flips the page and it’s irene laughing - the notebook is snatched out of her hands unexpectedly and irene looks up to seulgi is standing there red-faced, stammering, apologetic and horrified but at the same time shes trying to be stern like “you cant just look at peoples things without permission! !!!1!” but irene is just like “this is how you see me?” and it’s a soft™ moment and seulgi has developed foot in mouth syndrome and is like “well yeah! u kind of mean everything 2 me u absolute dumbass !!!”

they start dating - to absolutely no ones surprise

their first kiss is in the middle of a lowkey night, theyre watching movies on irenes laptop in her dorm and sharing a blanket - tbh irene stopped watching the movie about 20 mins ago in place of studying seulgi’s side profile in wonder, her fingers twitching trying not to brush the strand of hair away from seulgi’s forehead. she settles for arranging the blanket more securely around seulgi’s shoulders just in case shes cold, you know? seulgi’s watching her the whole time and when irene looks up, seulgi’s eyes are just sparkly with fond affection and maybe love? but that thought is quickly cut off when seulgi presses her lips to irenes, so softly and gently and carefully that irene feels tears prick the corners of her eyes, she feels like shes going to break

but after that theres so many kisses. kisses in the library, forehead kisses, kisses before class, after class, any time in between; did well on a test? a kiss! did really badly on a test? a kiss!! maybe even an extra one! courtyard kisses, kisses in irenes dorm, in seulgi’s dorm, kisses at breakfast, lunch and dinner, just so many kisses!!

it’s a quiet sunday and seulgi and irene are redoing irenes dorm because seulgi scuffed the wall so badly it needs repainting and why not make a day of it? so here irene is, painting the wall, where it meets the floor bc her gf is clumsy but she is adorable and irene is in love, she thinks she’ll remember this day when theyre old and wrinkly and married

irene notices seulgi pulling away, distancing herself, acting weirdly guilty about something? irene thinks maybe shes done something wrong? is seulgi getting tired of her? tired of the relationship? it goes on for awhile and theres a heavy tension between them so thick, it’s almost tangible. and then one day when seulgi’s bailed on another date, irene shuts down. doesn’t know what to think. maybe seulgi doesnt love her anymore? maybe shes bored? irene knows that sometimes she can be really heavy handed with her affection but ever since seulgi’s pulled away, irene figured that maybe she wants space

seulgi turns up at irenes dorm, uninvited. irene swings the door open to find her gf looking equal parts sheepish and guilty. but shes holding a bag of food from irenes favourite restaurant, irene lets her in.

seulgi explains, hand rubbing the back of her neck, that when she gets into a funk, she just needs to go off and think on her own and is apologising for shutting irene out. irene is quick to forgive her. but as the night goes on, it’s clear that seulgi is feeling guilty for some other reason and when asked, seulgi just. she looks so sad

“a few weeks before we met, i applied for this arts school and i got a letter about 2 weeks ago saying that i got in. it’s really competitive and they only have a few spots available for international students and I didn’t think I’d even get in and I forgot but i got in. I got in,” seulgi whispers. almost as if, any louder and the words would be real.

“did u think i was going to beg you to stay here or something?” irene asks, softly. seulgi frowns deeply.

“no. i knew you were gonna tell me to go. but i don’t want to go. i want to be here with you,” seulgi tells her, desperately, voice cracking.

“u huge idiot, do u think that i wouldnt wait for u??? i would wait forever u huge dumbass!!!!”

the evening takes an obvious downturn. but they try not to notice. the next few weeks are seulrene trying to spend as much time together as possible. irene is trying her best to memorise what seulgi feels like in her arms; how she breathes when she’s asleep; the noises she makes when irene is pinning her to the sheets, marking her neck purple with bruises; how seulgi looks like shes close to tears when irenes made her laugh so hard that she snorts; the little fond sighs seulgi sends irenes way when she catches her staring over their morning coffee; how small she looks in an oversized sweater with the sleeves engulfing her hands completely; the way seulgi’s hands feel, fingers threaded through hers; how she likes to kiss irenes shoulder when theyre in bed; how for some reason when seulgi eats chewing with her mouth open it’s adorable instead of disgusting; and how irene is constantly brushing crumbs off seulgi’s clothes. irene tries her best to remember the slip of seulgi’s spine; the way she looks fully sated and satisfied; how seulgi’s eyes, dark and wide, always regard her with warm, open affection; how they can lay side by side in bed saying nothing for hours but irene doesnt need to hear words to know what seulgi’s feeling

but irene knows it isnt enough

because 2 weeks later, seulgi’s on a plane to paris with irenes heart in her hands and the kiss they share in the airport feels bitterly like a final goodbye

seulgi lands and sends irene photos of her food and the buildings and the friends she’s already made. and irene smiles wistfully

they facetime, and send each other texts every few hours, and schedule “dates” but the distance is so palpable that irene feels her heart ache something new whenever she sees seulgi’s red-rimmed eyes, yawning while sipping on a huge mug of coffee

“we should break up,” irene says. she can feel her heart crack at her own words, the tears visible on seulgi’s lashes even through the shitty facetime quality

“w-why?” seulgi sniffs

“because this isn’t working for us, this distance is going to ruin us completely,” irene finds herself saying, voice wooden and stiff. and she knows shes right because she knows seulgi’s grades arent as good as they could be and irene has failed a test and an assignment already

“wait for me,” seulgi is begging and irene is nodding her head frantically, promising tearfully over and over again that she would wait forever if she had to

so they break up that tuesday night, seulgi in paris and irene in korea. this has to be the worst facetime she’s ever had in her whole life.  

it hurts like nothing shes ever imagined, irene thinks shes never cried this much in her life. and she thinks shes doing well but she catches a whiff of seulgi’s perfume on her hoodie one day and it starts a fresh wave of gut-wrenching tears and her heart cracks into tiny, little pieces all over again

they don’t speak for literal years

but irene knows seulgi’s doing pretty well; she’s already held a few exhibitions, according to wendy. irenes graduated and doing okay for herself at a nice cushy job

wendy didn’t tell her that seulgi was back in korea though, but irene is pretty sure seulgi is back because she would recognise that laugh and perfume anywhere

seulgi turns around and her eyes finds irenes and seulgi is making a beeline towards her. irenes pulse is jumping erratically

“hey irene, it’s been awhile,” seulgi says, giving her a warm look. she looks older. more mature. holds herself like she knows shes grown up. but, irene thinks, fondly, painfully, her voice is exactly the same. wraps irenes name in her mouth exactly the same as she did 6 years ago

“hey,” irene replies, with a smile of her own.

“i want to introduce you to someone,”seulgi says, a grin turning up her face, and beckons a tall, intimidatingly beautiful woman over, “this is sooyoung,” seulgi’s smile grows even brighter and irene feels her heart plummet, connecting the dots, “my fiancee.”

“o-oh, it’s very nice to meet you,” irene is saying, trying her best to sound sincere but she sounds so monotone and robotic and wooden, her throat is closing up and her heart has almost stopped completely, and she has to leave before she starts crying all over seulgi again

so maybe seulgi moved on without telling irene

and maybe irene never moved on. and maybe irene had always waited around for seulgi

maybe waiting forever wasn’t a good idea after all, irene thinks wryly, sitting in her apartment alone, uselessly wiping hot tears from her face that don’t seem to stop no matter how much she tries

irenes not sure how, but it hurts more than that night 6 years ago and shes never felt a pain so profound that it goes all the way to her bones; shes sitting on the floor crying and she feels so ridiculous for thinking this but shes looking at the spot where the wall meets the floor and she realises she didn’t paint it very well