#i cant change the interview time so i let her know when i come in today

[break-upclub]

lol wut. complaining

[ferrstappen]

Max the wag: are we the drama? l Max Verstappen Imagine

happy note: hello my loviessssss! How are you all? It feels like it’s been an eternity and I am so so happy to be back to writing and interacting with your great and incredible asks and everything <3 and I know I said this was supposed to be ready by Monday or so? but I started an internship and it's been harder than expected, but I'm getting the hang of it so be prepared for more works to come!

Probably tomorrow I’ll be posting a list of all the requests I’m incredibly behind but that way you know I got them and are on my mind and will be written <3 I also don’t know if you like the idea of starting a tag list? Please please let me know, babes <3 

ALSO I got an incredible request of the Max the wag series involving our boy Yuki AND I LOVED IT SO MUCH so it’s absolutely happening!

YOU CAND FIND THE MAX THE WAG SERIES HERE

summary: For the first time, Max and you find yourselves on the other end of the gossip.

Hungary Grand Prix, 2023.

Max wasn’t feeling like himself.

The car upgrades were supposed to be great, not to make him struggle and happy a shitty day, which meant shitty questions, passive aggressive press conference trying to not look so annoyed, but it didn’t help that the press was painstakingly working to get the worst angles with furrowed eyebrows and waving off strangers trying to aggressively approach him.

Of course, it didn’t help you weren’t there to hold his hand walking around the paddock, forcing his blue eyes to focus on your calming smile and the inevitable lovestruck expression plastered on his face. 

And yes, he was letting out the fact he didn’t leave Monaco in the best of terms. He’d grown accustomed to you tagging along to most races, but when you informed him you wouldn’t be able to make it to the last two races before summer break he didn’t take it the best way. 

Yes, Max understood you were needed at your job and deadlines were way more difficult to meet with changing time zones, bumpy flights and noisy paddocks and hospitalities, but it didn’t change the fact that he needed you and his selfish self really needed you cheering for him, even if you’d seen him win enough times already. 

In conclusion, it was safe to say he didn’t really feel like putting on a genuine smile or goof around with interviewers who’d ask the same questions while Christian tells him off for looking unapproachable. 

The only thing that turned the corners of his mouth was a WhatsApp attachment from you, Jimmy and Sassy sleeping with the F1 channel on full display on the TV. 

It wasn’t long until Twitter and Instagram fan accounts came to the conclusion you weren’t there with Max, creating a small discussion with some people arguing that it didn’t make sense you’d tagged along to places like Baku or Melbourne and not go to a race less far away and arguably one of the most popular tracks of the season, while other people defended you saying you had your own life apart from being Max’s girlfriend, you had a job, conferences to attend amongst other things, so it was ridiculous to expect you to be there for every race, no matter how much you loved Max. 

You don’t know whether it was the fact you didn’t post a story on Instagram celebrating Max’s win or the fact Max hadn’t been his best self, struggling with the car, losing control over the tiniest thing and just losing focus overall the fuel for some fans to start speculating about the status of your relationship.

User1: why hasn’t y/n  posted something about max?? she always does when she’s not with him

User2: something’s sus 

User3: no pls I cant handle another July break up

User4: max deserves someone who shows up for him! He arguably had the most difficult weekend of the season and she’s mia 

            User5: she’s always there for him and has a right to have her own life grow the hell up!

Belgian Grand Prix, 2023

Last race before summer break meant most people on the paddock were a turmoil of emotions between the desire for the weekend to be completely over and wishing to do the best possible job before the break.

Max convinced himself he was coming into the weekend relaxed, knowing he’d have to put his best strategies, talent and focus for Spa, but a few free weeks were right around the corner so he could recharge with you, staying in bed for the entire morning before getting up to get ready to go out, maybe arriving back to the apartment drunk and giggly only to regret everything during the morning, but with the knowledge you were going to do the exact same.

He was facetiming you when he came across lots of fans wanting his attention, asking for pictures, until someone asked for you and Max pretended he didn’t listen, not wanting to answer things about his relationship, and the woman that asked wasn’t even sharp enough to catch your face on full display on his screen. 

Had Max known the chaos it would ensue not answering the simple question about you, maybe he’d reconsider, especially since Lando and him jumped from the paddock to a helicopter waiting to take them to the closing night of Tomorrowland where Martin Garrix was closing the last weekend.

User1: *attached video* pls pls you HAVE to see the discomfort on max face when someone asked him about y/n something is not right with parents

            User2: we all know he never speaks about her thoo, im keeping my hopes up!!!!

User4: I’m calling break up and good cuz I never liked her always acted like she was too good for the f1 world and never communicated w fans

            User3: that’s called being reserved moron!!1 you don’t see other wags taking pics with fans except maybe lily bc she’s a pro golfer!!!

You were sitting on your bed when Victoria sent a thread on Twitter (or X? or Threads? it’s confusing) pointing at every proof and detail about your supposed break up, ironically asking if you had something to inform the family since Max hadn’t said anything. 

With widened eyes and unable to contain the urge to see what people were saying about Max and you, two hours later you were still reading gossip sites and didn’t even hear the door of the penthouse opening with both Sassy and Jimmy running away from the feet of the bed. 

“Is this the welcome I get?” Max’s voice announced his arrival, catching you by surprise and throwing the phone in the air. 

“Fuck, Max! You scared the shit out of me, I hate you!” You laughed, finally realizing he was right in front of you and kneeling on the bed to attach your arms around his neck, allowing Max to grab you by the thighs and spin you around while you left small kisses on his cheeks.

“What were you reading? You looked very focused,” Max carefully placed you back on the mattress before throwing his body and groaning at the feeling of his muscles relaxing.

“Did you know we broke up?” You questioned your boyfriend whose blue eyes opened as much as they could, eyebrows raised and slightly moving his head in confusion. 

Max was confused but still demanded an answer on what was going on as he watched the corners of your mouth lifting and quiet giggles leaving them. 

“Look, it’s full of theories because I didn’t attend the last races and after you went with Lando to watch Martin, some fans started drawing their own conclusions!”

“Are they insane? Speculating about other people’s love lives is so rude, and just because I didn’t answer a question about you which I never do? People are crazy!” Max exclaimed on an irritated tone, but quickly caught your eyes, making him realize the people commenting were doing the exact same thing as you, just on a larger scale. 

“Baby, I think this time we are the drama…” You stated before the bedroom became quiet.

It was just Max and you staring at each other, recalling every time you eavesdropped a conversation that clearly wasn’t meant for either of you to hear, or discussed different theories on who had cheated, who had broken up with whom, why some partners were so young or looked almost identical. 

“Schatz, I am not going to lie,” Max started with a frown and serious face before continuing. “I am very proud of us” After letting it out Max started laughing, his cheeks flushing and placing his hand over his mouth to try to stifle the sounds. 

“Baby, this definitely means we made it!”

It was bound to happen, you were meant to eventually become a source of spectacle if you enjoyed gossiping about other people’s lives so much. 

After laughing to the brink of tears, Max kissed your lips; softly, slowly and sensually, making it hard to separate but he stared right into your eyes and asked you in all seriousness: “Should we feed the gossip? Wouldn’t it be fun?”

[harrysfolklore]

hey could u do masie peters as a face claim with singer yn

i was dying to do tom x singer!yn and i this came up ! i really really hope you like it as much as i do !

AND HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY TO THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND TOM BLYTH. ILY

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

liked by rachelzegler, oliviarodrigo and 836,038 others

yourinstagram the good witch as been out for a week and i just want to say thank for all the love 🥹 here’s a pic of me right before recording the saddest song on the album lol

view all 18,037 comments

ynfan1 IM SO PROOOOUD

ynfan2 i love her so bad

troyesivan absolutely obsessed with every track

ynfan3 WE NEED THE DELUXE VERSION

rachelzegler I’m sooo obsessed with this album, I’ve played it on set like a hundred times this week I’m pretty sure all the cast is sick of me lol. LOVE YOU CONGRATS ❤️

↳ yourinstagram rachh 🥹🥹 thank you for your support ! means the world to me and i hope your cast mates don’t hate me lol. good luck on filming and i can’t wait to see the movie !!

↳ ynfan1 QUEENS SUPPORTING EACH OTHER

↳ ynfan3 i love them so much

liked by hunterschafer, yourinstagram and 486,529 others

tomblyth HG film dump. Just some of the many people I love who breathed life into this movie. @songbirdsandsnakes opens tomorrow 🤍

view all 11,160 comments

tomfan1 CRYING

tomfan2 this movie is about to change my life

mtv new crush unlocked

florencepugh ❤️

tomfan3 i love this cast so bad

rachelzegler LOVE YOU ALL 💘

tomfan4 my man my man my man

liked by shawnmendes, tomblyth and 840,726 others

yourinstagram MANCHESTER THAT WAS AWESOME !! and london you’re next 🥹

view all 18,937 comments

ynfan1 BEST SHOW IN THE WORLD

ynfan2 my turn when

madisonbeer superstar 🤍

rachelzegler I can’t wait to see you live !!

↳ tomblyth I’m tagging along

↳ tomfan1 WEEE TOM A YN FAN SO TRUE

↳ yourinstagram you guys are welcome anytime

ynfan3 she’s a celebrity to celebrities omg

mtv yn x tbosas cast? a yes from me

INTERVIEWS FROM TBOSAS PROMO

INSTAGRAM STORIES

//

liked by tomfan1, tomfan2 and 10,837 others

tomupdates TOM ARRIVING TO O2 ARENA IN LONDON TODAY?

view all 943 comments

tomfan1 OMGGG

ynfan1 YN HAS A SHOW THERE LAJSKA

tomfan2 he’s really seeing yn live😭 such a fanboy

ynfan2 that’s it. i ship them

↳ tomfan3 SAMEEEE

ynfan3 MY FAVES

liked by ynfan1, ynfan2 and 13,378 others

ynupdates “Tonight’s show is special. Not only because we’re at the O2 arena which is absolutely freaking cool, but also because we have some friends coming to see us, and it’s always a pleasure to play for old and new friends.” - YN at tonight’s show !

view all 966 comments

ynfan1 OMGGG

ynfan2 I LOVE HER

tomfan1 omfg is this about tom ???

tomfan2 TOM WAS IN THE AUDIENCE

ynfan3 she’s not sneaky

liked by conangray, tomblyth and 845,380 others

yourinstagram LONDON THAT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS EVER !! thank you to everyone who came 🤍

view all 18,038 comments

ynfan1 I CANT BELIEVE I WAS THERE

ynfan2 POP QUEEN

oliviarodrigo best show ever 💜

tomfan1 i bet tom was fangirling the entire time

hunterschafer I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

tomblyth Amazing show and amazing performer, I'm blown away

↳ tomfan2 AHHHH

↳ tomfan3 i literally ship them so hard

↳ ynfan3 thats a MAN

FANS VIA TWITTER

//

liked by yourinstagram, hunterschafer and 764,093 others

tomblyth Afterparty-ing 🥂

view all 17,394 comments

tomfan1 YEEEEEES

tomfan2 HE WENT TO YN'S AFTERPATY

rachelzegler 👯‍♂️

ynfan1 hes so hooot yn better give him a chance

↳ tomfan3 chill they're just friends

yourinstagram thank you for coming 💕

↳ ynfan2 THE EMOJIII

↳ tomfan2 i'm trying so hard to be normal and not ship them

TEXTS BETWEEN TOM AND YN

//

liked by gracieabrams, lauraharrier and 876,309 others

yourinstagram unfiltered friday dump

view all 18,275 comments

ynfan1 i live for this

ynfan2 her monopoly obsession is still going strong

rachelzegler You sneaky shits! Invite me next time

↳ ynfan3 WHAT DOES SHE MEAN ?

↳ yourinstagram i’ll make sure snow lets you know next time

↳ tomfan1 SNOW ?? TOM??

↳ tomfan2 AHHHHH

tomblyth It was such a pleasure to beat you at Monopoly

↳ tomfan1 AH SO SHE WAS WITH TOM

↳ ynfan3 IM THROWING UP

↳ yourinstagram shhh don’t let everyone know🥲

↳ ynfan3 😭😭😭

liked by yourinstagram, maya_hawke and 630,998 others

tomblyth I made a new friend 😊

view all 18,937 comments

tomfan1 MY HEART

ynfan1 THATS YN’S DOG STFU

rachelzegler I keep getting excluded from this relationship 🥲🥲

↳ tomfan2 RELATIONSHIP???

↳ ynfan2 NOT RACHEL OUTING THEIR BUSINESS

hunterschafer babies

yourinstagram i can’t believe i’ve been replaced

↳ tomblyth Sorry love, I’m just really charming

↳ ynfan1 STOOOOOP

↳ tomfan3 HE’S SHAMELESS

DEUXMOI VIA INSTAGRAM STORIES

//

liked by tomfan1, ynfan1 and 40,826 others

celebrityleaks TOM BLYTH AND YN OUT IN LOS ANGELES TODAY

view all 2,927 comments

tomfan1 LORD

ynfan1 I KNEW IT

tomfan2 THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

ynfan2 AHHHH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

tomfan3 the couple we never knew we needed

ynfan3 we literally saw this relationship come to life I LOVE IT

tomfan4 byeee yall already claiming they’re in a relationship when they could be just friends

↳ ynfan1 you’re delulu

↳ tomfan1 the denial stage i see

liked by tomblyth, teddysphotos and 837,937 others

yourinstagram we’re in the middle of a tour but i couldn’t help myself and i got into the studio to pour out my lovey dovey feelings and ‘glue song’ came to life ! it’s going to be available everywhere on feb 2 (💓), i hope you like it 🥹

view all 19,045 comments

ynfan1 OH MY GOD ??

ynfan2 AHHHHHH WE WON

sabrinacarpenter such a sweet song i love it 🥰

tomfan1 IS THIS ABOUT TOM ??? BECAUSE IF IT IS I MIGHT CRY

gracieeabrams in your lover era 🥺

ynfan3 SHES DOWN BADDDDDD

tomfan3 HOLD ON. SHES RELEASING IT ON TOM’S BDAY !!!?

↳ tomfan1 YOU’RE RIGHT

↳ ynfan2 and just like that im sobbing again

tomfan2 i want to be stuck to tom like glue too

tomblyth ❤️

↳ ynfan3 SOBBING

↳ tomfan3 THIS IS CONFIRMATION

liked by yourinstagram, hunterschafer and 702,825 others

tomblyth What the bracelets say ❤️ @yourinstagram

view all 17,937 comments

tomfan1 STOP IT

ynfan1 i’ve died dead

rachelzegler MY BABIES MY LOVES 😭💘

↳ tomfan2 if you think about it rachel was lowkey the matchmaker here

↳ tomfan1 hunter aswell !

hunterschafer 🥲🥲🥲🤍🤍🤍

ynfan2 SHE DESERVES A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP IM SO HAPPY

tomfan3 couple of the century for real

ynfan3 THE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS 😩

yourinstagram love you be stuck 2 u you and your early morning karaoke 💘 happy birthday my love

↳ ynfan1 AHHHH

↳ tomfan3 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION

[oh-my-damn]

i feel like people should stop looking to celebs for political advice. theyre entertainers. and will i completely support palestine, its not chris' job to educate, its his job to entertain and act and make money. of course, him not publicly supporting palestine is sad, but so many a-listers are losing jobs because of supporting palestine, and while that's wrong... it doesnt change the fact that its happeneing. also meeting the president, no matter who is it, is just a really cool thing to say that you did so i get why he would want to meet the president. he cant exactly spit on his shoes or steal his shoelaces, can he?

You do realize that Chris Evans has a political platform called ASP that he uses to "educate" and that is why he met the President, right?

He put himself in the middle of it all. Stop defending him to people who think he's full of shit. He's married to someone who looks like a minor and who has clear racist behavior in her past and now he's shaking hands with an admitted zionist while simultaneously not having said a word about Palestine other than doing a zoom on his POLITICAL platform about the "Israel-Hamas War".

He made his bed, it's time to fucking lie in it. I can absolutely judge him and call him out for behavior he willingly did. He didn't have to go into politicis or rant about Trump or start a political site but guess what? HE DID. So anything he is or isn't saying or talking about is DELIBERATE.

He has been dead silent all year when it comes to womens rights, lgbtq rights and now the genocide in Gaza. And what's one of the first things he does to "relaunch" his site? Shake hands with the President who has proudly stated that he is a zionist and will support Israel no matter what.

And let me remind you: he didn't shake hands with Donald Trump when he launched the site. He said in an interview he wasnt upset that Trump refused to talk to him.

It says everything you need to know. Stop defending a 42 year old man as if he is not aware of his actions and the consequences of them. Get a grip.

He is not who you imagine in your head. He has shown time and again who he is. Please start believing him.

I am so sick of people excusing his behavior, the excuses are fucking infinite, yall will let him get away with anything just because you want a chance to fuck him, I guess.

[princessamericachavez]

My thoughts about the Ted Lasso finale (no particular order)

The end montage was obviously Ted’s dream for the future and not even subtly so jot that down

Actually just gonna add that this is the show’s way of telling us the potential these characters have and what Ted wishes for them but without his presence it’s up to them now

Roy mouthing alone to Goodbye, Farewell broke me because he’s clearly the one who put together the choreography

Also Dani singing? My most beloved

Jaime and Roy clashing one last time might have pissed some people off but this was always a rock in their shoe that they needed to address and we see that their relationship can and will survive it

I like Rebecca’s romcom ending even if I wanted her to end with Ted.

Ted going back to his son was necessary and the whole point. He always blamed his father for abandoning them. When he came to Richmond he was all but running away from his family in hopes things would magically fix themselves. Instead, he put in the work and healed. But his biggest triggers were always connected to him missing his son’s life. In the end, Ted’s growth was the point so he could go back to them and be the best version of himself for them and for himself.

Ted not talking while Rebecca rambles was actually perfect. Old bitter Rebecca would’ve never opened up like that. But old Ted would’ve also rushed to reassure her or try to make a joke or cheer her up. This time, Ted lets her speak and then sticks to his guns, even if the truth is uncomfortable for others. He allows himself to do this for himself and not to please others.

Beard staying for Jane was foreseeable given the toxic codependent nature of their relationship. Happy perfect endings don’t exist. His story is still developing.

Furthermore, the real growth came from Beard letting himself choose something regardless of what Ted is doing and breaking himself free from a cycle of guilt and feeling in debt.

I know it was in the dream but god I hope Roy gets therapy. We did see the roots of him wanting to change and be better and accept the help he needs so he’s in the right path.

Keeley/Roy/Jamie is still endgame in my heart. Eventually. Once all three are in the right place.

The himbos singing made me cry. A lot.

Even if it was in the dream, if Jamie actually chose to reconnect to his dad somehow I think it wouldn’t be the end of the world. He would get to do it on his terms and only because he chose to have him in his life to some degree. Which might simply be being civil and talking from time to time, so long as his father keeps putting in the work to better himself and takes steps to make amends and apologize and acknowledge all his wrongs. Who knows. It’s an open ending.

Loved everything about the match.

Glad Van Damme got closure from Rani Dojas and that Dani acknowledged his part in what happened and tried to make amends.

CANT believe they made me feel sorry for George.

The cold open was a tease but I loved to see what could’ve been (and who says Ted and Rebecca didn’t find each other while running away from all that noise and one thing less t another…)

I wish we’d seen Sam’s restaurant and his cute chef one last time.

Actually wish we’d had a little bit of all the other himbos.

And finally

Finally

I… don’t think it was the series’s finale. I don’t know. I might be wrong but lately all interviews from the cast suggest deep down they hope something else will come and maybe they’ll be like “you know what, this story isn’t over” or something.

That last scene and the musical cue with Ted’s final shot felt so dissonant to me. Like there’s something still unfinished there.

I, like Roy Kent, have all my fingers crossed.

[sweetsubharry]

Do you have any fics where they start fake dating for PR or something and then they fall in love for real ? ❤️❤️

Coming right up!! Here is my fake dating recs! Some of my all time faves are in here :)) tysm for the rec babes! None of these are for PR reasons weirdly enough because I would have thought I'd have that!

The final two here you will need an account for! :)

but he cant be what you need (if he's eighteen) by lingerielarries

“I need you to do something for me.” Harry said, pinching his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger.

“It seems like you’re asking me to kill for you, H.” Louis laughed nervously.

“It’s nothing that drastic, I promise. It’s just. I don’t think it’s a secret that I’m not a.. normal eighteen year old.” Louis furrowed his eyebrows at that, narrowing his eyes at the younger boy.

“Are people giving you a hard time?” Louis wondered. Harry shifted in his seat and brushed some of his fringe off his forehead.

“Yeah, that’s. That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.” Harry swallowed nervously. He could feel the sweat pooling at his hairline so he wiped it with the sleeve of his sweater. “I need you to uhm, pretend to be my boyfriend.”

or

the one where harry is sick of getting bullied and casts louis as the hot punk boyfriend to scare them away. louis needs harry to return the favor.

punk!louis and flowerchild!harry

I Just Want You to Stay by SadaVeniren

“Remember the vet job up in Edinburgh I interviewed for right before your rut?” Louis nodded. “She just called me back. I got the job. I start next year.” Harry let out a shriek as he said the word year and he clapped his hands in delight. “Isn’t that great! Full time vet job! New animals to meet! A new environment!” He settled his eyes back on Louis, who was still standing there in front of him with wide eyes. “Isn’t it great, Lou?”

That seemed to jolt Louis out of his thoughts and he nodded immediately, opening his arms up for Harry to dive into. “Holy shit, yes. Congratulations. Come here,” he wrapped his arms around Harry and cuddled him close, pressing his nose into Harry’s neck. “Holy shit,” he whispered.

aka Louis and Harry have been roommates for four years, comfortable in their routine and their relationship. But all of that is about to change.

Faking It by TheCellarDoor

A uni AU in which Louis has been Harry’s best friend since he offered him cubed fruit on the playground, and they spend more time cuddling in their dorm beds than they do apart, but it’s not like that. Or is it?

Aka Harry pretends to date his best friend to escape unwanted attention from a too insistent classmate and hopes it won’t blow up in his face. Featuring embarrassing dildo accidents, awkward boners, longing, first times, late night conversations, emotional discoveries and Niall as the exasperated friend with bad advice.

Loving with a Little Twist by hrrytomlinson

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know Niall! I just promised my mother I’m bringing my boyfriend - a boyfriend I don’t have - to Thanksgiving dinner. What should I do? I can’t call back and be like, ‘Oh yeah mom, that boyfriend I said that I have, I don’t actually have. Sorry to disappoint you.’ My life is ruined.” Harry returns to suffocating himself with the pillow.

Niall laughs and Harry growls at his best friend’s unwarranted happiness in this life-ending situation. Harry is fucked. Fuck. He needs a boyfriend. Fuck.

(or a thanksgiving themed fake/pretend relationship au)

Spin Me Like A Record by zarah5 

Uni AU. Sometimes, Louis poses as Harry’s boyfriend. It doesn’t mean anything. Really.

Lies & Liability by 4ureyesonly28

Harry Styles has only three wishes when he leaves River Dane Manor to go to Town for his first season: that his sister has rented a townhouse that will provide him as many of the comforts of the country life he has grown accustomed to as possible, that he will not trip and fall when he is presented to Her Majesty the Queen, and that he will enter matrimony out of true love, no matter how favourable the match with any which alpha may be.

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Sub!Calum Masterlist

a different kinda love (ao3) - citiesbelow michael/calum, ot4 E, 6k

Summary: Calum and Michael decide to spend an evening at home having kinky sex and then it ends up more emotionally intense than planned, but they cuddle and talk it out and everyone's happy in the end.

Anything For You (ao3) - boomercal calum/ashton, michael/calum E, 2k

Summary: Calum will do just about anything for Ashton

cant believe i made you weak (ao3) - orphan_account michael/calum E, 2k

Summary: calum probably stares at michaels asshole longer than intended. hes been a bottom in his only relationship hes ever had; with michael. hes never ate a boy out, never done anything with a boys ass. but now michaels ass is spread open right in front of his face and he was excited. he wants to make michael feel as good as michael makes him.

Daddy lessons (ao3) - Latefan_5sos1d_wherewasi ot4 M, 5k

Summary: Luke has been acting up recently and Ashton had just the idea to try out and fix this problem.

Five Golden Rules of Submission (ao3) - shesagoodgirl Calum/Ashton E, 3k

Summary: soo, thank you to kittenmichael for the lovely idea. thank you to calum for being a filthy exhibitionist. and thank you to ashton for being ready to dom calum when you need him.

I’d like to see you have your way (ao3) - iambic_pulse, phanjessmagoria ot4 E, 20k

Summary: Ashton asks Luke to take control of him one night, just for a little change of pace. It doesn’t go as well as he hopes

I Don't Need It To Be Easy, I Need It To Be Worth It (ao3) - orphan_account michael/calum, luke/ashton M, 18k

Summary: *The blond one chuckles without humour, “Alright, you wanna play dumb, fine. But don’t go anywhere near my mum again, got it?”

Now, Calum is starting to get angry too, “Who the fuck do you think you are? I'll hang out with who I want, I’m not gonna let a wanna be Billie Joe Armstrong dictate my life.”

Michael is smirking now, “Cute insult,” he says mockingly. “I wonder how clever you have to be to come up with this, what a sass genius.”

“Fuck you.”

“You’re just proving my point,” says the blond one.*

After making the resolution of becoming more athletic, Calum decides to take up yoga class. There, he meets Karen, a rich white L.A yoga mum, who's also a very happy and sweet lady who keeps invating him to the most exclusively rich people events.

One day, he meets her son: Michael. This guy couldn't be more different from his mum; he wears dark clothes, dark make-up, and he's rude.

Another issue: Michael seems to hate Calum, and wants him to stay away from Karen, and Calum isn't sure why...

I love the way you scream my name (ao3) - mlstyles257 ot4 N/R, 5k

Summary: The boys had purchased the Sybian months ago. But their lives were so hectic, that they haven’t gotten around to using it yet. First, they were working on their new album, then they were on the road on tour, before finally, after months of the toy collecting dust in their closet, they had free time. Michael was the one to stumble across the toy while…doing some research. He immediately sent the link to Ashton and Calum with a simple caption of ‘for Luke’. Safe to say, they bought it pretty quickly.

Luke is a little anxious to try out the new toy, but with a little reassurance from his boyfriends and a demonstration from Calum, he agrees to give it a go.

Pup (ao3) - orphan_account Calum/Ashton, Michael/Luke N/R, 4k

Summary: Calum and Luke are cuddled up together on the couch, while Ashton watches from the side. He's pissed. Whether its at Luke or Calum, he doesn't know, but he just wants it to end. Mikey manages to keep him calm until Luke is stupid enough to say the word. When the word slips from Luke's lips, Ashton's anger slides out of control.

Ready, princess? (ao3) - orphan_account calum/ashton M, 1k

Summary: After Calum almost calls Ashton ‘daddy’ in the middle of an interview, he has to be punished.

Rules Were Made To Be Broken, Worlds Were Made To Be Explored (ao3) - SilentlyFighting michael/ashton, luke/calum G, 30k

Summary: When rules are broken, sometimes the world is easier to live in. Calum, Luke, and Michael introduce Ashton to a world that he had no idea was so extensive in some ways and at first, he feels out of his depth, but soon he is so far in that he doesn't even care anymore.

Or, the one where the boys show Ashton that liking boys is not necessarily a bad thing and he gets a boyfriend out of it, even though his friends are major cockblocks when it gets down to it.

say you want me and dont be nice (send those shivers running down my spine) (ao3) - orphan_account michael/calum N/R, 5k

Summary: :+: Calum and Michael are in gangs, and when Calum gets slightly turned on by the gun in Michael's hands, things get dirty :+:

So tell me what you want when you want more (ao3) - kittenmichael calum/ashton N/R, 4k

Summary: “So eager,” Ashton hisses. “Want me to fuck you? Press you into the mattress and use you to get myself off?”

Calum is still struggling to breathe, lungs savouring whatever air he gets past his swollen lips, jaw trapped in Ashton’s grip. Ashton’s fingers travel to his chin, thumb wiping away some of the blood. It presses down on Calum’s lip hard. His nails dig into the tender skin, surely breaking it and drawing even more blood. Calum just kneels further, let’s Ashton guide and kneed him. He gets pliant in Ashton’s hands. By now, he has accepted that he’s entirely at Ashton’s mercy.

or, Calum and Ashton have hot BDSM sex for the first time

we’re speaking in bodies (ao3) - thedeathofhyacinth ot4 E, 3k

Summary: Calum loves his Doms and his Doms love him.

Whiskey On Your Breath (ao3) - pitypartyof1 Calum/Ashton E, 2k

Summary: “Ashton likes the taste of whiskey, maybe a bit more than he should, always has. Likes it even more when he tastes it on Calum’s skin.”

Yes Daddy (ao3) - cinnamonhood ot4 M, 2k

Summary: Luke and Calum are caught breaking the rules and are punished by their daddies.

[butchbluth]

Santa Wayne comic updates!!! (please give feedback if u see this)

NOTE: i may or may not use killroy, fill, samson, and maple in the comics as they are my friends ocs and not mine and if i wanted to publish these or even make a show about them i kinda dont want to use my friends ocs. feels less original to me. but FOR NOW i will use their names and designs for my ideas until i decide to use or not use them. another thing THESE ARE IDEAS FOR EACH COMIC ISSUE so its like issue 1-6 like the walking dead and its one chapter of a bigger story :P) 1. bob cant figure out what to do for his comic so he and killroy brainstorm a way to get ideas. they come up with an idea to interview people around the Dalton county area to ask about their lives and shit. they interview a couple people and end off with them driving to New Grover City (wip name) to interview old friend now turned skating celeb, Fishy. Fishy and Killroy get into a huge argument and are shoved out the building. when getting home b&k talk about how their gonna use these ideas when they get home and really work on this comic. when they get home however they immediately fall back into old habits and watch tv and order takeout. fishy on the other hand takes a long hard look at himself and realizes that hes become a worse person over these past couple of years - b&k (bob and killroy) comics will use more earthy tones like green brown and grey to show their more down to earth personalities throughout issues 2-5 we see in news stories fishys life slowly decline until he arrives back in town in issue 6 with nothing but the clothes on his back

2. fishy realizes in his persistance to be the best, he pushed everyone he loves out of his way. he also realizes that this bachelor lifestyle is ruining him. his ego is thru the roof. he spends the day trying to do good things but keeps fucking up, until he fucks up big time by saying something very very bad on live tv and it crashes his career, ends on him looping back to his bachelor lifestyle yet now theres no one to support him in a very dark time in his life (house ruined stolen goods but the chicks he has sex with he doesnt know their names therefore he cant identify them to a police report) - fishys stories use blues and whites more to not only symbolize the sparkly blue diamond lifestyle of luxury but also the dark depressing blues of his own fuck ups. the white shows an emptiness in his life, filled by void

3. could be a revisit of the valentines comic i made in feburary earlier this year, summer trying to do a nice valentines day thinf for maple but fucking it all up and having to redo it all sloppily in time for maple to come back home - romantic comedy type story using reds pinks and purples to have nice lovey type colors

4. this revisits the classic "blank gets ran over story" that i love going back to for some reason (originates with an old middle school comic me and my friends made) ((it would also be another b&k story))

5. this would be a very simple, VERY slice of life panels of fill just trying to be a good father for samson - fill and samson comics will use dark blues, oranges, and yellows to show city backgrounds

6. fishy has nowhere else to go, s&m have "plans" and b&k hate him, so he goes to f&s house and they let him in. after about a month, fishy is editing for some skating vlogger and he gets the idea to skate again. he skates and realizes how fun it is to actually skate and not just be a celeb FROM skating culture. killroy shows up and sees him gathering a crowd from skating and challenges him to the dalton county skating tournament. they used to be skating buddies but are now rivals.

... find out next time on CHAPTER 2 OF SANTA WAYNE!!!! (fishy builds his team for dalton tournament as does killroy, which revisits MULTIPLE old iterations of 'Santa Wayne') ((ill explain later sometime)) also i just now realized i keep calling lydia summer LOL i changed her name a bit ago FUCK!!!!

[temporarymoods]

mwah

scatch what i said on that last post. idk her. im CHILLINGGGGG!!!

MarMon today: yes I celebrated. you gotta. duh. Patriot's Day-- a Mass thing!? Hilarious.

We went to the race and yelled and screamed and cheered on at various points. Walked a bunch. Got sunburnt in that shallow way, but my nose is pink. It was pretty emotional! So proud of everyone. Kept thinking that this is kind of one of the best things humanity can do. Anyway-- B)

Got sambas, lmfao?! Trying to look like a boy. Followed by some really good pasta. and then trying to look like a girl. i went to a frat! for the first time! i got champagne on my sambas. christened. the person who clocked me as queer at the party said "christened" after i had minutes prior. yeah. a good thing

- - i know the gender thing of it is ridiculous but for some reason my soft complicated body craves that sexual weirdness between men and women and particularly these young men and women in that..disgusting atmosphere. a disgusting atmosphere. really hungry for that generalization.. it's true. im really attracted to men

other than that^ being tough,

i went DANCINGGG!!!!!1!1!11!!11!!

and I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!!111!1

What a GREAT night!!! i can't put into words how amazing i feel even though that is why i came here...shucks. has the moment past? did i spend too much time on the queue?

My foot is sore as I type this. I came home so inspired and read up on country swing vs other kinds (I knew jazz swing was the thing, and swing dancin aint line dancin !) then i listened to a lot of good music:

Slow Dancing - Aly & AJ * total classic for me lmao. damn they have the best spotify top 5

Let's Get Married - Bill Elliot Swing Orchestra * when i didn't yet understand that i had to look up **country** swing music. now i know ;) god i cant wait to go again

-- what is it?! i think its that i really love to dance, to move my body, to try and get it right, to improve? to be good? to have fun in a choreographed way. to conform. the do the correct thing. idk

here's what i think its really about: i think i like smootheness. and i like the click of a phenomenon you can't pull a word for. and short counts. and intention. and shape. mostly shape. beat, sure, too. i like beat. i like rising to it, and not tiring. i dont know how i get so obsessed. i need to go back. that was exactly what ive been looking for for months, and what i thought i found but only got in part in the club, which i go to for the dancing, the loud music, the blindingness. but i dont contribute there. my ears are filled but the sound can only vibrate me a little. im not, swung, literally. and i cant provide energy to the space like you can witcha boots awn. so yeah, i think thats really it. dancing. i fucking love dancing. ive always fucking loved dancing. for real! really! i never got that good, yeah. but i fucking loved it thats for sure. i always wanted someone to actually teach me shit. they didnt do that enough in theatre. maybe they did. maybe i just wasnt that talented. not now though. dead. fucking. ass. just input my entire work calendar that i have access to because this shits getting real my life is mine and theres fan fucking tastic things to be doing with it.

alright...i could continue...i'll pick up the rest in my dairy ;* not gonna get too personal, phew. uhm. eh hem.

That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain

Tequila - Dan + Shay

End of Beginning - Djo * lmao i got on this because i saw some interview w him online as im jamminggugghh i got sucked in. then all this happened:

Change - Djo * so much better than the one blowin up btw

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Eurythmics, etc * i looked up more songs like Change :| hahaha. then all this happened:

Lifetime - Yves Tumor

Pop Song - Perfume Genius

Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics, etc

Here Comes Your Man - Pixies

Eye in the Wall - Perfume Genius

Boys - Amen Dunes * at this point my original mission is fucked. the intention's gone. i'm so far from where i started: country lovin

at the same time the joint i rolled before we went out and shared on the way home is getting its way through my system for sure. its approaching 2am, woah! full day tomorrow but not nearly as inspired at this one. this one's literally how you're supposed to live . well maybe beer not getting stolen at the bar mmmm. mhm. yeah i'll tack that on as well.

i didnt, dont, want to let go of tonight skrrreorgihveouhv!!!! uuuummm! yeah i should keep thinking about it. : ) : ) hehehehehe

Man! I Feel Like a Woman! - Shania Twain

<3 , so much ;)

Kate

[art-snob]

A Long Heartfelt Post, To Anyone Who Would Like to Read

To give an update on life because I decided to do an idea involving this. For the next 6 months I'm going to Florida to take part in the Disney College Program (I know it is a bit controversial but what I want to go for it's honestly a neutral option).

This decision wasn't easy at all, it was honestly really difficult. When I went to Disney World in February, I had it stuck in my head that I wouldn't be able to get in. I have an Associates Degree in Fine Arts, going to WDW to celebrate my graduation and during that time I was still working a job where I was being underpaid and thought I was stuck in. My cousin J, who is a 1 1/2 years younger than me and were attached to the hip when we were children, was in the DCP at that time. We met up briefly for a moment at Disney Springs and Hollywood Studios but we didn't discuss anything.

This part my cousin did not know was I engaged in a lot of conversations with Cast Members at the parks gift shops and they mentioned DCP to me. I told them I did want to get into Animation or somewhere in that route and emphasized I should sing up and you can sign up within 2 years after you graduated. I was stunned and the one that actually got me to start thinking was the second day of Magic Kingdom and then lovely talk I had in the Japan Pavilion with 2 cast members in Epcot.

That night at Epcot, I was drunk from a Sake shaved ice concoction from the Japan Pavilion (it was blood orange flavored, absolutely delicious but will knock you onto your ass the next minute, My sister and friend Deox has official black mail on me for that night, simple but 10/10 would recommend again and again), J decided to join us for the night time show to close out the evening. I looked over at J and said "you know if we traveled back in time and we told our 5-6 year old selves we would watching the fireworks together in Disney World, they would've thought we were crazy" and she agreed. After the beautiful performance and we were on our way to the exit that's when I started talking to her about DCP. She did mention the pros and cons and I was still hesitant about the idea. I had my heart set on a ludicrous idea, of how I can get myself into the career I wanted, when an easier option was right in front of my face.

That night when I was leaving the lot in Epcot, I felt the urge of a gut saying 'you have to stay, why are you leaving' I thought it was me just going to miss being there from vacation but I just had a gut feeling I'll be back there soon. Once I was back home, I was fighting to get any way for my pay to change at my job along with having DCP simmering in the back of my head. Then when I got the call that they cant fix my pay at the moment or back pay that's when I decided to say heck it.

I applied but it took me a week to finish the application because i wanted to make sure I pay attention to each thing that they were requiring. I was then asked to do a questionare, and soon after a on phone interview where the woman was able to answer my questions regarding to the living space and also recommended me the seminars I should look into when I'm down there. I thought the into went really well and I got an email saying it might take a while to get a response more towards the end of June I would hear a definitive answer. But hell was I wrong.

Two days later, I had an opening shift and something in me said I should check my email and I was greeted with an email saying I got in and gave me an offer letter to print and also was offering a pay that was more than I was making at the job I was at. I was in tears crying but had to stop since customers were coming in. Then past 2 months I have been preparing and getting stuff done so I can be ready to be picked up for the airport, Which is now going to be in T-Minus 20 hours.

To let out my inner child for just a moment, let's just say Neverland has been calling for me and the invitation is a bit overdue lmao so I guess this is the next best thing 😂😂😂.

I can't help but beyond thankful for my family and friends support back at home and the online friends that have become my second family that I can always lean on. This has honestly been a wild ride the past few months. Some sad, happy, and sometimes downright aggravating. I'm also thankful for my friend @reddie28 for their support also on here whether it's someone to vent to and also to distract and have some with. I do apologize for taking absence for a bit during the beginning of 2023. I'm so thankful you stuck around ❤️. For the content on my page, it will remain the same but i will be throwing in some more Disney stuff than usual.

2023 is the year of the Rabbit (which is the same sign I was born). I don't know who blessed me to have a figurative rabbits foot. But I feel I was now able to fulfill my inner childs dream of getting pixie dust to be able to have their own adventure and my inner teens dream to become an artist of something big that can touch another child or an elderly and give them something to escape and smile even if it's an hour and 30 mins of screentime.

[nebulaleaf]

goodbye persona 5 royal. after 121 hours (140 on my switch profile) i got 69% of thieves den achievements, 99% in the compendium, and took 910 switch screenshots (third sem having a recording block really cucked me fr.) I think I did as much as i possibly could. despite my gripes this was my most fulfilling playthrough i've ever done of P5. i have a lot of bad things to say about royal but i really did have so much fun with it. getting excited over the new moves with the grappling hook (guessing where the cutscene would be and having fun being technical with chains de hook), making more strategic personas with fusion alarms, using all that extra time p5r gives as efficiently as possible. I loved maruki's confidant even if it ended in a kind of mediocre palace. he's just a fun guy who's so naturally inserted into the story it feels like he Should've always been there (except for the end). though its a shame because of how his confidant is structured in terms of topics, you cant easily insert it into p5 (its basically just a huge foreshadowing/ general set-up for the themes of 3rd sem). akechi's though... akechi's confidant and the addition of kichioji was WONDERFUL and i'd have killed for it in vanilla. im so glad for it. its such a fun place to explore and i love all the new npcs; penguin sniper was fun to play (though i hate playing with akechi, esp because its useless to) and jazzjin's gameplay elements were REAL FUN TO MAKE BUSTED ASS TEAMMATES WITH. no more what-ifs is also... a good song. i think i might even add it to my personal faves playlist. i'll have to sit down and listen to the ost when i don't have a headache. anyway there's probably a lot more good things i can say, but my head is kind of muddled rn lol. that post-game feeling fr.

ahh, but even when it comes down to the bad, like kasumi-- groaning every time she came on screen was fun in its own way too; whether it was laughing at the hilarity of it or coming to tumblr and grumbling about it with whoever was following along with my posts that day. honestly i just wish they tried a little harder with her and we got to know *sumire* instead of kasumi a little more. reading the interview where the devs admitted to her just being a marketing ploy and how they treated her as such really is crushing. its kind of a reflection of royal as a whole in a way to me. care *was* put in; i can see the heart behind a lot of this, but it's more focused on being flashy and appealing to those who missed the first wave of p5dom; or trying to draw back in those who have already played. which... is the point of a video game definitive edition, but kind of ironic when presented against the morals p5 seems to stand for. (or tries to, anyway. corporate meddling and cultural norms... this is still a video game that needs to sell.) i know i shouldn't treat silly anime game #685 that lets you date a maid-teacher as an 'art form' but i always felt p5 had a pretty solid and profound message. so to see royal trample p5 vanilla and then dance around wearing its skin is... certainly something. i know they're technically the same game, so royal has those messages too, but they get all tied up in the new stuff that royal brings forth (and doesn't deliver on. lmao. lol) on top of the already shaky at times writing p5 came with. i guess what im just trying to say is that royal's content is good... but it's being too much. and that just makes me really, really sad. despite all that, royal still kind of rekindled my love for p5 that was already present. every new playthrough for me lets me look deeper into what i like or neat details i missed; seriously i always find something new when i come back to this game. but this was especially true in royal. i found myself noticing when the tiniest detail was changed and it was always fun to compare them, even if it devolved into a tangent. i really only am disappointed like this just because I love persona 5 as a whole *so much*. its everything to me, so i want it to be the best it can be, yknow? anyway, thanks persona 5 royal. you've been a journey in multiple ways. try as i might, i won't forget you.

[thoughtsbeewild]

She won calling the shots for debate platform which is her Mainstream ABC platform to hold the debate location

We know orange wanted Fox news, but i get confused because sometimes he would say fox is fake or is thier certain sections of Fox that is fake. We need more clarity on that.

Knowing trump can handle the trenches of NBJ whatever, this will be thier turf. Its going be thier bullshit rules and they will not make it easy.

her comment by the plane just from a female perspective, she said she look forward to that ABC debate but will see for future debates after her first debate with you. That is sketchy, we women say that for a reason either you bomb or you don't. I know she trying save face and her ass , so thats why she probably said well see on Sept 10 debate. VERY SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK ...THEY ARE SO UNTRUSTWORTHY, LIKE SERIOUSLY.

Will will they have fair moderators?

Will the moderators give soft ball questions to Kamala the VP and nasty racist questions to orange, such as all the topics discussed?Expect every negative question to be thrown your way.. Also the questions that you struggle with, you have to ask yourself how can you answer better when its presented? Be prepared to answer in FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT but calm composed and don't ever show weakness or emotion that that she pushed your buttons. People see how intelligent you are from compassion to her about every topic/question thrown. That will be huge for voters to see that

Knowing they are VP/President- i wonder what kind of dirt will they air out. Joe biden in debate randomly said the pornstar. Is kamala going do the same, will they have an audience that will propose a question? Will they have liberal haters as audience to present Q&A questions to the debaters? Will they make Kamala look like America sweetheart as the presidential candidate or have questions make you look like bad person for being against queen kamala to whom they bow to? So many questions..

Please for the love of god... don't squeeze ill bet you ill beat you in a golf game, this is the president throne you want to win. Leader of the motherfucking free world, naw mean... Don't let this women puppet manhandle yo ass on national television..Not the time and place after all the effort, time etc. made. Entire WORLD wants to see you own her ass on national television so sweetly . but a great fuck you dumbass liar. make America great signoff

Mental note: Everyone is USA and other parts of the world are counting on you, if you lose all hope is lost..

its hard because i cant stand watching her, just hearing her voice, i cant but i do see clips from people reactions. She just so full of shit, everything that comes out of her mouth so untrue, unreal. how can people tolerate her being the next president? because we live in a world where these people exist and they want someone like that to vote for, despite the policy's, the make America great again. Those people want to feel like winners even though we know thier not and knowing that they can beat an intelligent educated person with little effort, lies, manipulation, kinda taking the short cut(instead of working hard or putting in the work, they don't have to like no interviews, barely rallies) makes them feel superior. Like haha in your face orange/vance, yall did all that work and my kamala ass just had to do this with my celebrity puppets . This is how we think, its female ego talking.

In Biden America, on THE WORKPLACE SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM , YOU SEE ALL THESE UN-DESERVING PROMOTIONS LIKE WTF. Your like i worked with her or him, they suck they are slackers and now they are manager, director, president. Because today leadership, in order to get promoted FOR THE JOB TITLE right now YA GOTTA KISS THAT ASS, KISS KISS MAD ASS, BOW DOWN, MAKE THOSE PUPPET CONNECTIONS AND THEY ARE UTILIZING DEI FOR PROMOTIONS FOR BLACK, LATINAS WORLD. ITS ALL WTF...

I WOULD WANT THAT CHANGED BACK TO MERIT, HARD WORK, DEVELOPMENT, STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM, NOW AT THE TOP. giving people back that feeling of accomplishment, being rewarded, and earning things along the way from bottom to the top..teach the kiddos if one decides to have kids, the value of a hardworking dollar. Money dont grow on trees son..

That's why people would vote , for kamala because easy way for them, makes the losers feel like winners..

Thinking, brainstorming....

[jackiedaytona]

idk how i completely failed to introduce an armand and daniel kind of dynamic to henry and steve (which shame on me honestly because no!they would not be louis and lestat!!) they would instead armand and daniel which is

(i did not read the books in fact i refuse to engage in anything made directly by anne rice just out of spite)

vampire (armand/henry) that got turned in like the 1700s and a random journalist guy (daniel/steve) he met in a bar in the 80s that completely changed the trajectory of his (daniel/steve) life, erased 90% of his memories of that time, disappeared, comes back in the 2020s to do an Interview with The Vampire (the vampire can be louis/marcia). steve is trying to hard to focus on interviewing/interrogating marcia but there’s this fucking guy thats always around her, thats always helping her. his presence is irritating but also like alluring and hypnotic and slightly scary and steve just cant seem to put his finger on how he fucking knows him BUT HE KNOWS HE DOES!!

i said all this just to say vampire henry that got turned to a vampire in his 20s but is technically hundreds years old fucking pathetic old man steve. henry has been wanting to fuck this guy for a couple of decades when they meet up again so its like carnal

you said pathetic old man steve and vampire henry and i blacked out. marcia knows, of course she does, and she's making it as difficult as possible because this is the best entertainment she's gotten in centuries. and henry's losing it a little. he won't admit it, he's supposed to be above such things what with the years and years he's lived and all the people he's seen come and go, but steve has stuck with him. and sure the version that made the first impression was young and bright eyed, but he likes this steve just as much, and he's not going to let him go this time. meanwhile steve has to realize two separate times just how attracted he is to henry, which is never an easy feat for him, only this time he's got to come to term with the fact that henry's already fairly attached

[lolosrollercoaster]

so - back on an I need to write this out to process it and I guess im sharing it mood.

So ... been looking for a job since April, took a bit of a break in May but was supposed to be back in it by now but I'm just. exhausted. the depression has come back full force and I'm now lk desperate and financially stressed af.

So anyways, all of these months I kept just mass applying when I could get myself to with the full resume I had - no changes. no tailoring it to an application etc. and then I decided to apply again to this one place in sept - even though last year when I applied I hadn't had much luck, but this time around there was a position very similar to my last one - and I was lk fuck it I gotta do it.

in the mean time I've kinda been going to a psychiatrist since lk august to be evaluated bc I think I might also have ADHD. But anyways she thinks that I need to leave my house, see ppl and rejoin life in order to see if my problems are from lack of doing anything and so my mental health is fucked bc im lk stuck at home feeling useless or if its because of something else - lk idk something is inherently wrong with me lol. I think she'd shit on me if I said that out loud to her. she's kinda cool - lk intimidating cool but not in a bad way. she's just such a no nonsense person and she'll read you lk you're an open book you cant get much past her.

my mom had to go in to share what she'd seen happening with me (aka lk the outsiders perspective of what changes can be seen in me since Ive been mentally fucked) and she was so nervous ahahaha and then in the end she was lk wait do I want an appointment with her for myself? my mom is a whole character. if only y'all knew.

anyways back to the job thing, so she told me to apply to anything, I just needed to get a routine going again. so I applied to a bunch of things. and then I got a message about a grocery store job on indeed and tried to reply but I couldn't help but feel a bit sad bc I thought man I finally got a grown up job and now I'm back to my OG job roots, back to the grocery store life. And honestly I think a lot of my extended family has fucked me up on that bc they're so snobbish about these jobs. ANYWAYS so I didnt hear anything back after I answered them 🤷🏻‍♀️ so I thought ok . and around that time I had stopped applying.

fast forward to the past 2 weeks - my dog got sick, I got sick - we had the worst flu, I've had the worst period of the last few years, ive been out of it, my mom has been out of it, my dog has been out of it - also right - my grandmas death etc. (truly Oct is kinda dead to me now. so yay on that 😭 one less thing to look forward to which is sad when you didn't have much left) but yeah so then I see this email late Friday evening - which shit I usually check my email daily but this time I had forgotten bc id been sick - it was an email from Wednesday from that job I'd applied in sept that was a lot lk the one I'd left earlier in the year. and they wanted to interview me this week - Wednesday or Thursday. I managed to reply as soon as I saw it. and then I got a confirmation that Monday for it - it was an in person interview today.

I tried to prep for it as best as I could while physically dying a bit - bc lk I said been experiencing the period from hell. And yknow what that means? I'm so fucking emotionally wrecked atm- so anyways my dad drove me I somehow managed to be there, I was early, dressed professionally and everything - had even practiced some answers ... and then idk man - I think I fucked it up. They asked follow ups or clarifications of my answers but by the end I wasn't sure how to feel except man definitely didn't get that. they told me they'd make a decision by next week and let me know either way.

and the worse or weirdest part is I've spent the past few days since I found out about it trying to downplay it - lk its fine, you don't need this, if it's for you then it will be for you and if it isn't then it isn't. but I felt so sad walking out - lk idk I just got that feeling that they didn't like me. so now I'm all sad - even if all I've felt recently is that idgaf anymore and I'm ok with just dying - bc yup I got that passive suic*dal ideation down to a routine now. anyways - if anyone has any words of encouragement I'll take them but yeah I am sad .... and I have little to nothing left to give. it's been draining to say the least. and the worst part is I know my parents are just going to be encouraging and even my psychiatrist -she told me that I would get a job and it wouldn't matter who and if for some reason I didn't get something I should just think of it "well they weren't capable of seeing how great you are and what an asset you'd be to their team and that's fine because that just means it is not the job for you" but it still makes me sad know? I have trouble letting go of things and I'm way too hard on myself so it's just - A LOT.

anyways thats my life update.

[expfcultragreen]

You mean the overbearing fundies who adopted her and who she avoids, have turned to the police to track her down because she's avoiding them?

Oh my god has this ever happened before????? /sarcasm

Way to deadname her, also 🙄 people adopt new names for reasons? like not wanting to be visible to their overbearing fundie childhood guardians?

And yeah some people do die of not wanting to be found by the people who raised them. The solution to that is public housing and free food, not missing persons investigations that answer to the people theyre hiding from

People infantalize the hell out of the jobless and alty-looking, my god she's not a teen runaway, this woman is 24 fucking years old. She didnt call "home" for a second and they alerted the cops so the fucking LAPD could force her to call, hopefully not after a violent confrontation because theyve woken her up drunk and disoriented somewhere!

This is long distance adult-on-adult nonconsensual spanking. Super fucked up that people collaborate with that so unthinkingly

And god, i hate the editorializing the guy who makes these does; he has this deep veil of humanism over the most fucked up crypto dogshit thinking. Like "do you think you acted out because of something in the genetic inheritance of your bio parents?" Like oh fuck being "disobedient" (antifash in a fash context) is in your DNA is it? Fuck where i have i heard this before, oh yeah its like slave catcher gospel, right?

Forget how every time he talks to rebecca he calls her a man (he tells her she's a man in his eyes); the peak of this was when he was trying to use terminology he doesnt give a fuck about actually knowing and was like "i see you as a cis man, is that the term" and he is talking to a trans woman, and what he means is he sees her as nonpassing. He cannot possibly mean that he sees her as "performing her assigned gender on purpose" aka cis. And she explains over and over that she cant access anything that might change her presentation (he's told her glowingly about the gorgeous post-op trans women he's interviewed who totally passed his ladysmell test) because she doesnt have a permanent address and any valid identification she has gets lost as quickly as her cell phones so she cant even get on hrt let alone afford insurance for anything surgical. Its just horrific the way he sits her down and shames and berates her for half an hour every few months but she's so amazing and i am always wondering how she's doing so i watch each video as it comes out

[leelaloo]

Goodbye 2022 & 2023 Hopes

Not much has changed since turning 30. “Stuck” would be fitting to describe this year. Stuck in my career, family, and love nothing has progressed. IdK if I’m being hard on myself when I expect some changes or see physical growth in some aspect of life. I’ve interviewed a bunch and get my hopes high on some and then get rejected and the progress just continues. Not that I’m giving up, I know it’s a process but I’m thinking why is it easier for some people and not me. Family, I really need to move out so I’m not stuck in a telephone game between dad and Ah Yi and have the freedom to eat do whatever/whenever I want on my own time and not think about what I need to tell dad. Love, been on many dates still nada. Idk why my heart never gravitates towards the guys who are nice, interested in moving forward, sincere, and thoughtful. I feel like it always comes down to attraction for me and I always almost check out if it’s not there. 

Right around Christmas dad and I had another blow-up and I just felt sorry for myself. Why am I keeping myself in this situation- (i can move out and not deal with this bs) but then all my mind comes back to is damn I still have not reach the financial stability of renting a nice place and still having my fun of not budgeting too much with eating out/traveling. 

This blow-up happened after he said come out of the bathroom cause he need to go and I was in the middle of doing my skincare so i said wait a second and when he said a second time I came out and he interpreted me with walking out and having an attitude. After he was done, he came out and was like nowadays you have a lot of attitude. Baffled I said loudly what attitude all I did was come out. I said something a long the lines sometimes you’re in the bathroom for almost an hour I never say anything. Then he says ok move out, I’m like ok then you pay the rent. And he had the audacity to say he does so much for me and and I’m like you never treat me like your daughter. I told Jill/em and was feeling was fine and then Jill asked are you ok lila and then I started to cry. Like damn I’m hurting and he prob is hurting. We had another big fight on Christmas day when Jill came and a third one a few days after she left cause he asked me so do you intend to keep cooking I’m like no, you have so much to say about so he goes alright move out in a week and I’m like no you have to give me a month where can I find a place in a week. he goes ok if I find a tenant and they move in sooner then you have to leave earlier. Then we start shouting about rabbit aunt how he said I dont want her to be. In the midst of this I was crying and trying to explain your daughters are on your side why you always gotta talk shit and why you always have to say nasty remarks when you fight. He goes Im from the country side this is how I talk, I get loud and say everything, I can say worse things in a fight and he goes afterwards we just forget about it cause we were just fighting. I kept trying to get to the point that if you say all the time move out any time there is a fight of course Im gonna say ok. That’s not ok to talk to your daughters like this. He was like why cant you let me say/yell at you sometime and not yell back or come back at me. I think the fact that I really retaliated and said some hurtful things like you never treated me as your daughter or the rent thing made him angry. I was just exhausted crying and yelling. At one point he was like grandpa/grandma used to yell at me like that and after a bit we’re ok and I’m like thats not ok to bring to this generation your’e in America and all i remember about grandpa was him buying me stuff, laughing with me and loving me. That night in bed, I bursted out in tears and just cried like in a cycle of nightmare that i can get out of but haven’t. Even as my typing this, whenever I think about the temp. peace in the house I know it’s not gonna last and next time he’ll bring up the same issues. I just feel sad like helpless that this is my dad and the ugly things he can say about me and i cry again. Sometimes i’m even thinking of come-backs I can say or remember situations that I felt wrong but did’t say in my head for next blow-up which isn’t healthy at all. Like am I turning like him and remembering all these petty things.

I really hope 2023 I can be a much happier version of myself cause I do think I am a happy person and situations like this I don’t want to impact my future. I don’t want to set any goals, but I hope this year I will be on a better track for career, family, and love.