#i cant believe there's people who think thats a bad thing. insane.

[evilvarric666-archive]

I love socialized medicine btw

[weirdmageddon]

i posted this on twitter also but it’s still eating at me. i’m so fucking embarrassed to be jewish rn. i dont want to be associated with this ongoing bullshit from israel. why do we need our own state. theyre just making every jew across the globe look bad in general even though many of us are conflicted about zionism and the legitimacy of israel as a state

people have hated jews throughout history for no fuckin reason but now israel exists but now its like. GIVING people reasons to hate us as a group. note that i DON’T conflate zionism with jewishness, but a lot of people in the world don’t know the difference because theyre uninformed and been dripfed cultural antisemitic tropes their whole life and that’s the scary part is them falsely putting two and two together. like what the fuck israel stop youre just putting fuel on the fire for people around the world to hate an entire group of historically persecuted people if youre being this shitty with your insane colonialism and apartheid like……I Want No Fuckin Part Of This. you’re spelling our own doom. you cant just swoop in and go “mine now” and then oppress the people you took land from under a regime without my blood boiling at the injustice no matter WHO you are. even if my lineage is tied to you. so when news outlets support israel it doesn’t feel like they have the best interest of jews as a people in mind. it’s in the interest of a zionist ethnostate and whatever that christian zionism belief is about the jewish people returning to the holy land as prerequisite for the second coming of jesus. its not like they care about us as a dispersed ethnocultural group, it’s all for that religious narrative that a bunch of people in the US are backing.

saying you want all jews to die is antisemitic. beating someone up because they’re jewish and no other reason without knowing their views is antisemitic. criticizing human rights violations perpetrated by israel and the belief that one group deserves more rights another is not antisemitic. and the fact that israel has the ability to pull that antisemitism card in response to criticisms of the violations they commit because their state is the “jewish homeland” drives me fucking insane. take fucking accountability for your actions. and yes, there do exist full-on anti-jewish groups in the middle east that go beyond hatred of israel’s policies and existence as a state and i’m tired of people pretending there aren’t in fear of appearing to seem like they support the state of israel. on the other side of things many people overestimate this by fearmongering and saying EVERY arab is out to get jews worldwide, telling people like me “they want YOU dead”. this is not the belief every person in the middle east and it really rubs me the wrong way that people group millions of individuals into all-encompassing lumps like this. many people there do understand nuance of this political situation.

even if i have that “right of return” by israeli law or whatever, i don’t feel obliged to it; it does not register as fair. why do i have a “right of return” when i’ve never even been there in the first place while palestinians who have homes there can’t return to them? what’s the basis for that? substituting objective reality with an imaginary reality? i don’t think like that. i can hypothetically come and go whenever i please but palestinians are severely limited in mobility? what makes me more entitled to that land than the people who lived there for centuries? nothing that comes from natural law thats for sure. it’s all artificial and inflated.

but at the same time i also dont want to be the target of antisemitism and caught in the fray just for being ethnically jewish. once people start calling for the genocide of entire groups we’ve got issues (and you better believe this absolutely applies to the palestinian victims in gaza too), because people who dissent to the violence perpetrated by the loudest are caught in there with the people who are perpetrating the violence. lack of nuance. people conflating israel and its zionist apartheid policies with jewish ethnicity and culture worldwide. other people conflating being terrorist anti-jew with muslims worldwide (like that 6-year old palestinian-american boy that was just stabbed to death in chicago). scary times man. but as a jew i can’t just opt out of this if it’s how i was born as. i don’t have control over that. but i can control what i think and what my beliefs are

[pacifymebby]

Hey! Can I request the peaky boys with a reader who has abandonment issues, I just know alfie will give one of his best bear hugs if you tell him about it, I'm wondering how it would work out tho cause of them being gangsters and all

Hi there lovely!! Im so sorry that this has taken me this long to get to, i loved this request so much and i wanted to do it justice? I have abandonment issues ngl so i hope i did manage to do this justice

Tommy

🌿So caught up in his own issues he doesn't notice yours until someone else points it out to him.

🌿 Honestly i think tommy has one of those terrible inferiority matched with superiority complexes that means hes constantly oscillating between "I'm beneath them" and "fuck everyone I'm better than everyone"

🌿Like beneath everything theres this desperation to be loved that isn't calmed but more squashed and silenced by his convinction that he isnt worth loving/ cant be loved

🌿 So anyway between all these issues he has he probably won't notice anything about you to indicate that you have an issue of your own. He's not exactly self centered, more that theres already so much noise in his head...

🌿 And it'll be his issues that push your issues. His convictions that hes a bad man that you shouldn't love... He'll probably do the dramatic thing and try to cut you off or push you away when things in his life get dangerous for you...

🌿And you'll panic and get so sad and he will see he's breaking your heart and terrifying you but it'll take someone like Pol to slap him round the face before he really understands what hes doing to you

🌿 The way him pushing you away just makes you hold on tighter... There will be a bit of relief in him too, he'll like the fact that you don't want to leave him (because of those issues of his own) and there'll be a level of healing there for him, realising someone does think he's worth loving.

🌿But i think when it all comes to a head, you'd be arguing, you'd both say hurtful evil things to one another in the heat of the moment "you can't just fucking leave me!" "its for your own fucking good, are you stupid? Don't go thinking for a second that i want to do this love, im just doing the intelligent thing... Youre an intelligent girl aren't you? Don't be so fucking stupid..." "I don't want to live without you!" "better you died without me than because of me y/n" "Can't you see thats the same fucking thing tommy!"

🌿 And then maybe finally he'd understand, he'd see your desperation, see how hurt you really are and he'd soften and return to you, kiss you, hold you in his arms, change his mind.

🌿 "You don't want to live without me?" "No," "then you won't, you won't..." just gently shushing you... But he does think you're insane and wants to know why you're like this, wants to know what happened to you to leave you so scared of being alone

🌿He'd be angry and bitter about this too, why would anyone treat someone as lovely as you with so little care or heart. He'd want to kill them, take their eyes, do something to take revenge, he would probably exercise self restraint though.

🌿 I think he'd have a whole new complex but it would be slightly healthy in an insane and unhealthy way... His new obsession would be staying alive for you, not wanting to abandon you, knowing his life means he could die any minute, death lurks round every corner, it stalks him through the streets...

🌿 And because of this he'd write you letters every now and then for just in case it happens, explaining to you how he isnt just abandoning you. He'd make sure all his affairs were in order, that you wouldn't be left on your own. There would be instructions for his family on making sure to take you in, he'd tell Polly to treat you like a daughter ect.

🌿 He would make you a promise he couldn't keep. Tommy gives the impression of being sensible but he's always making people promises he can't keep (because he's arrogant enough to believe that he can keep those promises)

🌿He'll hold you so tenderly, tell you he loves you, no one else just you, tells you he'd die without you too. He's being deadly serious too. His biggest fear is something happening to you that leaves him left in this world without you.

🌿He'd make sure you knew you were loved, he'd buy you a necklace or something, something simple, that you could wear all the time, that would remind you he was with you always.

🌿You would get so insecure so often just because Tommy socialises in glamourous circles and often meets the most beautiful women, but he would always know the right things to say and do to sooth your worries and reassure you that you mean the world to him.

Alfie

🐻 If you thought he was soft with you before wait till you see him now

🐻 Alfie is very in tune with your emotions and he can tell when you're worried or feeling down. So he knows that something is getting to you before you admit it to him

🐻 You have been trying to hide your issues too because you're aware that it's just a bad choice to be romantically involved with a dangerous gangster when you are quite so scared of being abandoned or left behind like you are.

🐻 Your way of trying to deal with these issues is to kid yourself that you don't have them, that everythings fine, that you'd be completely fine if anything were to happen to Alfie or if he just decided he wasn't interested in you anymore. So whenever Alfie does try to ask whats wrong you would just shut him out and dismiss him

🐻 And when it does come time for him to go away on business, when his life is potentially at risk, you would try to pretend you weren't bothered... Which would hurt Alfie, because he'd think you don't care about him...

🐻 And then he'd try to pretend like he didn't care...

🐻 And things would potentially get pretty messy, you both pretending not to care about the situation, both of you trying to ignore the very near future...

🐻 He'd end up going ahead with this meeting or plan and you'd spend the whole time he was away going crazy, biting your nails, pacing and being restless, convincing yourself he's died, driving yourself crazy and drinking to get through the anxiety...

🐻 So that when he returns he finds you a complete mess, sitting on the kitchen floor with a bottle in your hand, you havent slept, you were drunk but you've cried yourself sober and you feel completely broken down

🐻 Alfie would be heart broken to see you looking so forlorn but he'd do his best not to show you that, smiling sympathetically instead, sitting on the stool at the table and leaning down to reach for the bottle in your hand.

🐻 "hmmm yeah right, i see the problem here ziskeit, yeah i see the probpem.. This you're drinking right here, this is Shelby Gin right and although it claims to be "distilled for the eradication of a seemingly incurable sadness" it just don't do what it says on the label yeah... In fact poppet, I'd go as far as to say that it actually makes you feel much much worse..."

🐻 You'd have been in a state of shock when he first came in, not really believing him to be there at all, but maybe at the sound of his voice youd have looked up at him, realised it really was him and instead of looking so sad and broken a little smile would come onto your face and when he smiled, your smile would grow bigger and brighter.

🐻 "Youre not dead," youd smile seeming to forget the misery of your solitude. Alfie would laugh at you a little confused and he'd shake his head. "Last time I checked ziskeit..."

🐻 He'd beckon you up to come and sit with him and hold you snug to his side then he'd want to know why you were so miserable.

🐻 And when you told him about everything he'd not say a word, just hold onto you very very tightly, he'd tuck your head into the crook of his neck and kiss your hair. He would probably hold onto you like that quietly for quite a long time. It would be the cosiest and most comforting of hugs, you'd feel small and snug and so secure held tightly in his big arms as he held onto you for dear life.

🐻 He would probably be a little concerned/upset that you hadn't told him sooner, and he'd want to be careful about understanding you completely.

🐻 But once he did he'd be so reassuring and loving to you hugging you tight in his big arms, he wouldnt shut up about how much he loves you and how its his job to look after you and never ever leave you.

🐻 He would defintely make the promise he knows he can't keep but he'd also tell you he knows he shouldn't make it because he can't really keep it... "now i know its irresponsible to make promises you know you can't necessarily definitely 100% keep however, right now poppet i think its what you need to hear and its what i want to say and i reckon thats as good a reason as any to break my rules yeah? What do you think?"

🐻"now i dont often ask you to torture your old man reminding him that there have been other men in your life but... I what i wanna know right... Is why someone as sweet and lovely as you, could possibly think that someone who loves you very much... Cause i do yeah, i love you very much... Could possibly leave you..."

🐻 "poppet i ain't even gonna leave you when i die right, I'm gonna follow you around everywhere, fucken watchin over you every day for the rest of your life yeah"

🐻 Alfie would take you and everything about your relationship so seriously. He'd do lots of things to remind you of his devotion to you. I kind of feel like acts of service are his love language and like just looking after you and providing for you and spoiling you are how he'd want to show you how he values you.

Arthur

🍂 Arthur definitely has abandonment issues of his own and therefore your relationahip would be intense, perhaps volatile to begin with, before you understand one another completely.

🍂 Once you work out you're both just scared of the same things you'd stop fighting or getting paranoid about one another and you'd come together stronger than ever before.

🍂 You would stick to one another like glue, completely devoted to eachother. Arthur would view you as his saving grace, he'd treasure you and be so protective.

🍂 He'd never want to let you out of his sight. Which would be fine because you wouldn't want to leave his side for even a second.

🍂 He would definitely have his own issues about not abandoning others too so he'd be very reassuring, loyal and determined not to leave you on your own ever, or let you doubt his feelings for you.

🍂 There would be lots of tearful dramatic promises of his love and devotion.

🍂 But it would always be worded like "Its you and me now eh sweetheart, we're gonna be alright, we're gonna look after eachother, we're never gonna leave one another alone, yeah you and me right..."

🍂 Holding your hand super tight out in public. Always having you tucked under his arm

🍂 Coming home drunk and dropping to his knees to confess his undying love for you, as if its the first time he's confessing his undying love for you

🍂 I can't state enough how dramatic and intense this relationship would be. You'd both need one another so hard, but as a result youd both always feel needed. You'd know your worth 100%

🍂 But if you did argue they'd be volatile and you'd both really hurt one another, because you'd both be so scared that the other was going to leave, that fear would make you clumsy emotional and youd both say stuff you dont really mean

🍂 You'd both do lots of crying i guess, but when you do make up again it would be just as passionate as the argument.

🍂 The make up sex would be intense ya know?

🍂 I feel like he'd need lots of eye contact, not just in sex but like just in day to day life, youd constantly be looking at one another only to find the other looking back, so your day would be scattered with these sweet moments of quiet connection, both of you blushing or smiling because youve been caught watching your lover.

🍂 Arthur is actually very good at talking about his feelings, hes just never been given the chance to before. Even tommy shuts down those conversations, so Arthur would be scared to tell you how he feels at first... Once he knows he can though he will always be honest about his feelings and you'll know you can talk to him about anything. The two of you would share all your deepest darkest emotions, trusting in eachother completely. You would be eachothers rock.

🍂 You would obviously eventually have been honest with him about your childhood and your past relationships and whatever it is that's left you with all these issues and fears... And whether its a boyfriend, a father a mother whatever.. Arthurs going to hold grudges against anyone who has ever hurt you

🍂 If it was an ex or a father, he can't promise they'll live much longer...

John

🌼 John wouldnt notice at first, its not as of hes completely emotionally immature, because hes very mature when you need him to be, its just that generally speaking hes still very boyish...

🌼 So your fears go unnoticed by him to begin with. Over time however he does notice the way you hold onto him for a moment longer than is natural, how sometimes you get teary eyed just saying goodbye to him in the morning when he's off to work

🌼 And its impossible not to notice how upset you get when he's a little late home in the evenings... You really struggle when he doesn't come home on time... Your mind starts wandering to all those terrible possibilities... That something could have happened to him when he was out with the lads...he could be injured, lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life... Already dead, abandoned in an alley bleeding out.

🌼 The relief which washes over you when he comes through the front door leaves you shaking and when he pulls you in for a quick kiss he sees the light catch the tears in your eyes...

🌼 "Whats the matter love has something happened?" when he asks you you try to be brave, shake your head and lie, tell him youve just got dust in your eyes as you turn away from him and busy yourself with dinner

🌼 But john doesnt really know how to leave something alone and he'll keep pressing you on it, especially when you say "really john its nothing, just being daft.."

🌼 Hed get all serious then, cupping your cheek in his hand, turning your gaze back towards him. "Nah flower, dafts not like you... Youre not daft.. Talk to me love, whats wrong?"

🌼 "Its nothing really i just... When youre late home like that and i dont know where you are i get worried dont i, you know me mimd starts wandering and i get to thinkiny somet awfuls happened to you... That maybe youre not coming home at all and then i stsrt thinking about how i dont really think i could handle that like, if you didn't come home one day..." youd tell him all about how scared you are of him leaving you alone in this world, that you kind of feel doomed in a way, because everyone youve ever known has left you one way or another and youre so scared that one way or another he's going to end up leaving you too...

🌼 And John would listen to you, quietly, thoughtfully, his brows knitting together because he's concentrating and taking you so seriously.

🌼 He would be so soft with you, holdong your face in his hands, looking you deep in the eyes.

🌼 Like Alfie, super soft, makes you promises he knows he might not be able to keep but can't stabd to see you sad.

🌼 Kind of wants to be around you all the time

🌼 Takes being your man very seriously and will try very hard not to give you reasons to doubt him.

🌼 Imagine him taking your face in his hands, his eyes locked with yours as he tells you "you're the most important person to me in this whole world and I'm not going anywhere, I'm never leaving you flower, not for anything..."

🌼 He knows he shouldnt make promises he doesn't know whether he can keep, but he supposes he'll just have to do his best to keep them.

🌼 Which means being less reckless and more thoughtful, he'd mature a little bit, wouldn't needlessly put himself at risk.

🌼 He would be curious to know what happened to you to leave you with your fears but he wouldn't push you to talk about it. He doesnt like to be reminded that you were ever anyones but his, not just because youre his girl, but because he gets frustrated that there were times in your life when you needed him and he wasn't there because you hadnt met yet.

🌼 So to make up for that he just tries to be there for you as best he can now, as your protector, always reassuring you hes there to look after you and love you whenever you need him.

Bonnie

🍀 The softest most gentle boy in the world. He'd be upset by what you were telling him. It would be a lot to take in and he'd be blaming himself for your fears thinking it was something he'd done to make you feel that way

🍀Wordlessly wrapping his arms around you, pulling your whole body into his lap, tight against his chest, squeezing you reassuringly and lovingly, his face buried in the crook of your shoulder.

🍀 He'd nuzzle into you and the two of you would be quiet, you sniffling into his chest trying to stop yourself from crying. Him unable to cry but feeling like he wants to.

🍀 He'd probably apologise to you which would confuse you...

"I'm sorry little dove,"

"What? Why are you sorry Bon its not..."

"Well i obviously haven't been there for you enough lately if you're getting scared like this... M'sorry if i havent been doing enough to y'know... Show you how much i love you..."

🍀 You'd be so shocked by his words you wouldn't know what to say but you'd kiss him softly and try to explain it isn't really his fault at all, but he probably wouldn't accept that there wasnt anything he could have done... Because he thinks he should have been there for you more, told you he loves you more ect...

🍀He would kiss your forehead and then rest his against yours, promising you the whole world, telling you how much he adores you, how everything he does is for you, how he wouldn't want to live if he lost you

🍀It would be intense but ever so sweet, him playing with your fingers whilst he spoke, lying back and bringing you down with him, letting you calm resting against his chest.

🍀He's so devotional, he is always telling you he's yours and youre his girl, starts saying "my little dove" instead of just little dove

🍀 Makes a point of being just a little more possesive around the fire in the evening when other lads try to flirt with you he'll proudly tell the whole world youre his. He'd want to have you near him at all times and probably stick to you like glue. Always holding your hand or putting his arm around you.

🍀 He would talk to you about your feelings even if its not the easiest thing in the world, he'd lie awake with you at night, playing with your hair and listening to you as you told him what had happened to you in your past, why you're so scared of being abandoned...

🍀 He'll take you seriously... Obviously.. But to hide any difficult feelings stirred inside him at hearing how youve been hurt, he'll make a joke about beating whoever hurt you up, "yeah you just tell em to meet me in the ring my little dove, teach em a lesson they wont forget..."

Issiah

🐀Is a charmer and a flirt and although he is completely committed to you, his girl, he will struggle not to flirt with the odd girl in a bar or smile and wink at someone he catches checking him out

🐀And you dont want to be annoyed at him for it because you dont want him to think youre one of those crazy, uncool, possesive girls

🐀But youre just scared he might actually get bored of you one day and just decide on a whim to abandon you right there in the middle of the garrison in exchange for one of those prettier girls

🐀You would end up arguing about it, you making petty bitchy remarks until he snaps at you, and honestly the second he does youd burst into tears unable to hide your real feelings.

🐀"Please don't leave!" the words would come out before you could stop them and youd feel completely pathetic and worthless, but he'd just look at you with a frown on his face, no longer angry just confused and... Concerned.

🐀"Why the fuck would you say that?" he'd ask slowly, he knows the answer but he doesn't really believe it... Surely you don't actually believe he'd abandon you?

🐀He'd do a lot of realising very very quickly, frowning deeper when he realises that yes, that is in fact exactly what you think.

🐀You wouldn't be able to stop your crying, you'd be so upset and half expecting him to walk out there and then.

🐀"If you're gonna go then fucking do it already Isaiah stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?" "Like you fucking hate me!"

🐀After that he wouldn't exactly know what to do with himself, sure he's good at charming girls, but he doesn't really know how to get them to stop crying... Or to believe him when he says i love you. Usually they just do.

🐀He'd take your hands kind of hesitantly, not shy but just uncertain, he doesnt want to fuck this up and make it even worse

🐀And then he'd give your hands a squeeze and probably just try to speak from the heart.

🐀"I don't hate you mousy, i dont know why you think that but i dont, i couldnt possibly hate you and I'm definitely not gonna fuckin leave you..."

🐀You wouldn't know whether to believe him at first, looking up at him from under watery eyelashes, sniffling and blushing slightly.

🐀"Ever?" youd ask and he'd smirk down at you affectionately, "Ever." he'd confirm kissing your nose and stroking your hair.

🐀He'd ask you why you thought he would want to leave you, but he can't really say he's surprised. "You know none of that flirting means anything, its just part of the deal aint it... Being one of birminghams most charming criminals..." he'd joke to try and reassure you but when he sees it isnt working he'd be serious again. "I love you and only you and you know I'd die for you so i dont see why youre so scared I'm gonna walk out on us..."

🐀"Dying is a sort of leaving too ain't it Isaiah..."

🐀He really wouldn't know how to reassure you then, he'd chuckle nervously.. "Love you do realise who i am right? What i am..." "You know what I'm involved in... With the Peakys..."

🐀"Even so..."

🐀I don't think he'd promise you he wasn't going to die, i think he'd just try to make sure you knew he wouldn't leave you of his own choice. He wouldn't want to make a promise you'd live to regret.

Michael

☘️ Doesn't understand at first. And i do think you would have quite an intense argument about it. Not loud and shouting at one another but quiet and guarded and trying to be polite

☘️ Because Michael views himself as a gentleman and would be offended that you'd think he would ever cheat on you or abandon you because that would be improper and he views himself as above that

☘️ "is that really how little you think of me? Is that really how poorly you think i view you? You think i have such little respect for my girl that I'd just up and leave her?" his voice would be tight and sharp and he wouldn't be looking at you. He'd be wounded and taking it very personally

☘️"Thats...thats not what i meant its not like that at all..." youd be struggling to get your words out or explain what you really meant, "i just..." he wouldn't be listening to you, instead hed be getting more wound up by the second thinking in stupid circles, worrying that you were going to leave him.

☘️ "Then what is it like y/n cause right now it sounds like youre accusing me of something i havent even thought about doing... Sounds to me like youre the one looking for reasons to leave..."

☘️ Tears streaming down your face as you stare back at him in shock, you're panicking, you can hardly breath

☘️ But michaels just being cruel now, saying it to test you, he's watching you crumble and taking reassurance from it, its evidence enough that you love him, that you don't want to leave him, your fear is genuine.

☘️ "Tell me y/n if youre so scared I'll leave you why don't you do yourself a favour and leave first eh? Save yourself all that heartache?"

☘️ "You... You don't really mean that michael i know you don't..." "Yeah?" michael is a bastard, he likes how much you need him and he wants you to be dependent/scared to lose him.

☘️ So then he'd soften, he'd come close to you, hands on your hips, holding you in his palms as he strokes his thumbs over your hips. "Listen Y/n whoever else you've known before, anyone whose let you down in the past... They're in the past. You're mine now remember? And I'm a good man y/n i really am, I treat you right, i treat you like a princess don't i? Even if i do bad things to other people right, even if I'm one of the worst men in new york city... I'm your man and thats never going to change... So youd better get used to that"

☘️All of this being said, michael knows how to make you feel loved, how to reassure you. Perhaps he didn't realise before how much reassurance you needed, but now that he understands this he is nothing but kind and sweet and good to you. He always was of course but now he makes an extra effort.

☘️He makes a point of telling you he needs you, or telling you he needs to see you. He'll call you into his office telling you its important, then, when you arrive all flustered and concerned, he'll just smile and say he needed to see his girl.

☘️ He'll always have a hand on you somewhere, your thigh under the table, your hand, his arm around your waist. He becomes physically even more possesive in an attempt to show you he isn't going anywhere.

☘️ He will make the promise he can't keep because he is arrogant and truly believes he can promise he's never going to get killed.

[anti-endo-haven]

honestly thank you for saying that being 'source connected' is not *always* a bad thing. for some it can be bad, yes, but for others its not. for us its sorta in the middle, like, if they fully believe they are source and are boderline delusion / psychotic about it -- then thats bad, but a majority of us who are source connected are just like "haha thats me /silly" and find it hard to watch source cuz of psuedomemories, but thats literally it.

we also came up with different terms to describe our source connected-ness level! (COPIED FROM OUR GOOGLE DOC!!)

✪ Source Connected - Alters who are source connected are alters who are almost fully connected to source. They may consider the person in source to be similar / almost the same to them, they may find it extremely hard to watch source due to memories, and they may not refer to themselves as something separate from source. 

Although many systems consider this to be unhealthy, for us it is perfectly fine as it does not cause issues for us mentally. All alters who are source connected are at the very least a little bit aware that they are not the same person they see in their source and are fine with that.

✪ Source Disconnected - An alter who recognises that they are from a source, but does not care about it. They aren't completely different from source, as they still take the name + form + etc from source, but they don't identify with the actions committed in source. They can still be attached to source in some aspect (i.e: it's a special interest or hyperfixation for the system), but it doesn't regard their identity.

✪ ★ Source Attached - An alter who is somewhat source connected, but is aware and understands that they are not the person they see when interacting with source. They might call the person in source "me", but they don't consider themselves to be the same person. They might also be emotionally connected to source.

✪ ★ Source Detached - A term we created for alters who are basically fully 'removed' from their source. This may be due to the fact the system / alter has little to no memories of their source, or due to the fact the alter just formed with little attachment to it. They can still take the form + name + etc from source, but don't consider themselves to be ‘disconnected’ as they formed detached from source, and ‘disconnected’ implies they were once connected. i myself am source attached because im well aware the guy in the tv isnt me, but hes also me /silly and i love source so much (it's our special interest), but my husband is source connected because he still gets insanely upset about things he did in source, despite knowing hes not source, and he also struggles to 100% separate him from pictures of the guy in the show, and it makes him feel weird to see pics of his source in the wild (but also, we are autistic, and will gatekeep our interests......... )

also.. you can be source disconnected and still use the name from source!! and use a pic from source as your icon / pfp / faceclaim!! its crazy how people think to be source disconnected and you NEED to change your appearance (which they proabbly cant do cuz not all alters can shapeshift / not all systems can change IW appearances easily) and NEED to change your name or else you are DELUSIONAL!!! sorry for rambling i just hate how the did community has made it out that source connected is ALWAYS a bad thing and means you're DELUSIONAL and PSYCHOTIC and NEED HELP!!!!!!!! -🪐🫀

Bewoop! Mainly because I don’t entirely know what all to add but I do want to add something that’s popped into mind while reading this.

Even if an alter is connected to a problematic source, it can still be something that needs to be healed within you.

We have an alter, Eddie, who is from what some might consider a “problematic” source. He’s an introject of Eddie Gluskin from Outlast: Whistleblower and with his healing, he is helping us heal from the misogyny we’ve faced and kept ourselves in and is a primary factor for us finally having the motivation to heal our more feminine sides to be more comfortable in a body that we fairly enjoy.

Just wanted to say that as a means of things.

[vanillaxoshi]

little something to how i characterize troublemaker trio

Angin, is someone who i see the most mentally stable, as in someone who emotionally knows whats best.

Angin embraces himself, his insane nature and doesnt let the bad things get the best of him. positive vibes and true feelings. which could be the reason why he could be mean at times because hes someone who wants to be true to himself. (this is very contradicting to how the rest of the fandom characterize him)

he lets himself cries when he needs to, he lets himself get angry when he is, he becomes serious when he need to be.

Of course hed still feel pain, guilt, regret.

Hed learn how to move on from those things more faster than the rest and would love to be his own self, happy with what hes doing.

Api lacks, in academic measures, hes great when it comes to physical activities. which is why hed be recommended to different things involving physical leisures. but he hates that, people telling him what to do or become, to the point when it came to his academic scores, to that point from season 3 in which he got stressed when people told him to get better in grades, while hed be handling nightmares.

Fire was a great way to get out of it. It was also something that made want to do something of his own, Entertain.

He would love to see and do fun things. He likes to entertain himself, but also others.

Hes fond of dancing hes fond of making others have fun. thats why he hates it when people would look at him in fear.

he looks up to angin, someone who looks and is so free, he wants to be like him and do silly things.

Daun, social anxiety. He had very low self esteem when he was younger.

hed barely talk to people and think the lowest of himself. on how he cant do things others can, hes not that athletic, hes not that smart.

He doesnt know if he could talk to people either. He didnt believe he had capabilities, so he barely participated in a bunch of stuff.

He looked up to Angin and the rest, on how they could be so confident to show themselves.

Daun, when he started to be with Angin and Api, made himself be more comfortable and confident, more happy with what hes doing.

Hes choosing to not think what others think which could make him be perceived as naive.

Hes choosing to be himself more.

Because of his vulnerable side, the siblings dont really want to burden him with a lot of responsibilities which could make him feel bad, but they are proud whenever daun himself does something of his own, showing he's grown.

[terranceholdsapencil]

So Ive watched Boom and initial thoughts

S14e03 "Boom" doctor who spoilers

-immediately knew these guys were dead.

-susan twist what are you doing in my ambulance

-killing someone because they'd take four weeks to recover is insane but also works great as the endpoint of capitalism

-casual reminder that I adore 15s theme. Its very different from other Doctor's themes but its lovely.

-skye boat song?!?! Two played that on his recorder back in the web of fear

-"One wrong move, and BOOM. I go all food mixer"

Great line, 10/10

-"everywhere is a beach eventually"

I hate that this made me think of Rose

-"Why, does a landmine have lights on it?" "*groans* capitalism" "Excuse me?" "Flashy lights play well in a showroom. Modern warfare. Death by salesmen"

This is just. Oxygen but instead of a space station its warfare. Jamie Mathieson basically wrote this already. But thats okay I will still eat it up

-lesbian gymkhana. Noice.

-"IiIm not even screaming yet"

THAT'S THE RIGHT ATTITUDE 🫵

-smelted :)

-"i was trying not to show off" well thats new cause you always show off

-"you are brave." "mm." "And you are wonderful. And I forgive you for being incredibly stupid"

Do you know what that reminded me off? The dead boy detectives staircase confession. Come on, you hear it too:

"Also, I cannot BeLIEve you would risk your entire existence coming down to this operatic horror show for me. That is so FUCKING stupid its unbelievable" "Sorry. No version of this where I didnt come get you, is there"

-"I went down to the beach, and there she stood, dark and tall, at the edge of the wood. The Sky´s too big; Im scared!, I cried, she replied: Young man, dont you know theres more to life than the moon and the president´s wife?"

Was she erm , was she nice, the presidents wife?

Ah, well, that was a lie put about by the shabogans. It was the presidents daughter. I didnt steal the moon, I lost i..

Id know you anywhere.

12 AND CLARA MENTIONED?!?!?

-"Life is cheap. Patients are expensive"

Just as I said. War oxygen. Theyre fighting the algorithm. And capitalism.

-"war is business, and business is booming"

-"and my name is the doctor ""the doctor isnt a name" "yeah. haha! And I not even a doctor."

Was the degree in cheesemaking a lie? What about the lego? Doctor, have you lied to me?

Medicine, science, engineering, candy floss, philosophy, music, problems, people, hope, and practically everything :(

-"Great name, Mundy Flynn. You should marry RUby, then you´ll be mundy sunday. Go on, get married, Id laugh every day."

NOW THATS MY TYPE OF HUMOUR 🫵‼️

-"Ive met sentient Mud. lovely girls. I mean grumpy, yeah, but you try lying around with your face full of mammals all day."

I thought of the morax from the witchfinders first but yeah lovely girls

-"im a much bigger bang than you bargained for.

im a lot more explosive than I look and honey, I know how I look."

Originallt I was just a fan of the first line but something about the doctor being in a very bad situation but going "Im hot af :)" is... lmao

-SNOW??? SNOW STOPPING MID AIR???

-"do you get-get-get it?"

-the way he said "girl" in "now you need proof, faith giArl?"

-DAD TO DAD???

I reallt liked the theory of Susan coming back but this might also hint at a general doctor-family thing. Maybe his child

-when everything worked out the soundtrack was the same as during the tardis reveal in the star beast. I had to stop the episode cause that score made me FEEL things. I could not the heck focus on 15 with this soundtrack on cause. Uhm.

....

Im so sorry but this tardis reveal is so so so SO special to me so playing the same music is actually vile. Because. No I wont be able to focus on the actual episode. I couldnt focus on the actual episode because 15 sang a song 2 played on his bloody recorder. You cant use a TARDIS REVEAL SCORE.

-"What happened" "well, its uh, its kind of hard to sum up. I think if I had a diary it would be a little bit too exiting for words. I think I could write it with drums. Can you write a diary with drums? I bet I could."

IS THIS A THOSCHEI REFERENCE?! 🗣🗣🗣

-the sky is like actually super pretty on kastarion 3

-"quite frankly, your life span sucks" HAHA

-"fish fingers and custard is mt favourite" FISH FINGERS AND CUSTARD?!

-"A sad, old man once told me. WHat survives of us is love."

-irs actually insane how happy the tardis "vworp vworp vworp" makes me. Everytime the tardis disappears I giggle like little kid.

-im sorry but the next ep is SO intriguing Im very excited for next week, more excited than thid one actually

[echotzzz]

“Elain should stop being annoying and accept Lucien already”

umm okay since when woman rejected or disliked a man… annoying??

Do Acotar fandom understand what it means to accept a mating bond??

It means you will bind yourself to that other person FOREVER. Be it your soul, body everything. He is yours and you are his. Like they cant get divorce or start a new life w someone else if that fail. This is not a simple bf/gf thing like this is a big deal, very permenant and forever once u accept. Its completely fine if you two ALREADY FALLEN IN LOVE and the mating bond is there to seal the deal. Like that’s romantic

But for Elain that never was the case. She has NO FEELINGS for Lucien. Her heart belongs to Graysan when her mating bond was revealed. And when she start to move on from him she develop feelings for Azriel along the process.

Like cant yall understand why she couldnt just “accept” Lucien.

“But she should give Lucien a chance”

this mentality or mind set really falls down to the mating bond and how the majority of the fandom sees the mating bond only from Lucien’s pov. Yeah he’s hurting not denying that and its sucks for him. But cant people sees this from Elain’s pov as well??

The place she came from there is no mating bond. She turned fae against her will and suddenly said to be some Fae’s mate whom she doesnt know anything about and whom she sees as the one who “betrayed her family” whether he’s guilty or not, but In her mind Lucien literally allied with the bad people that kidnapped her. Do you think Elain will ready to fall in love w him?? or attempts to open her heart for him??Like lets be real no bs if you’re in Elain postion will you see Lucien as this trustworthy, safe, worthy of her love kind of guy? I need people to be serious here coz Elain reaction to lucien made perfectly sense to me I dont know why people are so mad!! the first reaction of Elain to him were: “She cringed away from the coat, from him” .

Her being wary around him made sense to me and some people even went further to said Elain’s racist or a snob needs to bffr. Yall insane.

People would say it will be like feysand coz they also start in a bad place coz rhys is the ‘villain’ in book 1 but Feyre first word abt rhys was he’s the most beautiful man she ever seen. Theres ATTRACTION. AND HATE. which is good coz when there’s hate there’s PASSION and that could lead to FEELINGS.

and believe it or not Elain and Lucien did try spent time w e/o. Remember that tea time and in acofas?

And theyre being so polite to each other too. Elain is indifferent towards him. There is just awkwardness. Both Elain and Lucien has no interest in bridging the gap. Both cannot stand in e/o presence in a room more than 2 min (Lucien’s word not mine). Visiting Elain is not always in Lucien’s agenda when he’s in the night court. And thats canon per Acofas & Acosf. They’re just not into each other. You cannot tell me the reason Lucien even look at Elain is not because of the mating bond. Attraction and feelings cannot be forced full stop.

“Elain need to learn how to cope coz mating bond is her culture now”

She started gaining control of her life. Which readers expect that of her right?? to have a backbone? to be the narrator of her own FATE? RIGHT????

so why is it so shocking and oh so horrible for Elain to not want her mating bond? We see previous MCs rebel and protest to fight for their story but why drew a line for elain?

we accept her character development to be this independant woman who would not be coddled, some even want her to leave the Night Court to find her true self.

We want all the above for her EXCEPT her control over her love life. When it comes down to the person she should love, kiss and fuck, In that terms Elain should submit to the bond and just shut up??????

“Oh no how dare she reject her mate!! how dare she liked Azriel and not her mate!! the audacity, she’s so blind to his kindness, the jacket, the gloves, the pearl he gave her!! how dare she be so annoying and hurts his feeling. Elain GET IT TOGETHER HOE!!!%*\”

Cant yall see how irony this is?? What happened to attraction and feelings? Does that should be thrown out of the window?

Why is it a rocket science for Elain to actually like Azriel?? This fandom worship Azriel and want him to fuck them in their dreams (im not making this up). Why its ok for the readers to be attracted to Az but not Elain??

Its not rocket science its just this fandom already has this mindset about the mating bond and the perks of having a mate. Feysand and Nessian are what successful mate couple look like.

But we shouldnt be naive enough to believe that ALL MATING BOND ARE HEALTHY

Theres a lot of unhealthy mating bond mentioned briefly such as tamlin’s and Rhysand’s parents and a couple more from the Creacent City series.

Rhys said the mating bond is not a perfect system.

You can feel bad for Lucien. Thats fair. And it sucks to know that male has stronger mate instinct than the female. But what yall cant do is to put the blame on Elain. Both Elain and Lucien are the victim of the mating bond. The fault belong to the Mating Bond system and the Society that urge male to covet their female mate and have whatever it takes to make the bond work.

Wouldnt his fan wants him to find his own person who loves him for who he is? Thats literally what Lucien craves for. Acceptance. Atp Elain’s body language and reaction showed that she’s anything but accept him. And truly I dont see that will change anytime soon. SJM has spent 4 books and not any point we see Elain beginning to change her mind. Acosf literally showed that.

“If Elain will not end up with Lucien then why haven’t she properly reject him yet?”

This is not real life. Yeah!!! Elain’s happened to be a book character. And in books there are storytelling aspects and huge plot reveal. You cannot expect a huge moment in a character’s arc be done in any other people pov?

Like why people really want the news of Elain finally rejecting Lucien be in Nesta’s pov? Wheres the fun in that?? it didnt make any sense. Obv SJM is waiting for it to be in ELAIN’S BOOK whenever that will come out. So cant yall just wait?? Like pls just think for a sec.

“Elain doesnt deserve Lucien”

okayyyyyy…is that a dig at Elain? Coz like I said Lucien deserve someone who wants him for him and thats not Elain and vice versa.

“they should end up together coz they are mates”

Im sorry but mating bond will NEVER be the ultimate factor to fall in love with someone or SJM’s reason for her characters endgame. And certainly not for Elain who will marry for love. For all of grayson fault, Elain did truly loved him once.

Feyre doesnt love Rhys bcoz of the bond, but bcoz of love she agreed to bond w him.

…..

So to end this long post I would remind people that this is a romance story. Where the end game will be two people in love. So ATTRACTION and FEELINGS plays a huge role for the build up.

Also I highly think Lucien or the mating bond are not what Elain hates the most. I think she hate the fact that she has no say in this. That her choice are being taken away. And everyone around her expecting her to just accept the bond.

I genuinely dont have anything against people that actually ship elucien for their aesthetic and really hope for their endgame. Some people want Elain & Lucien to break the mating bond together to free themsleves of the fate that control their choices and along the way get to know e/o and developing feelings and so on. See!! this is a good story which doesnt diminish anyone’s character arc and certainly allow all characters to have a choice. “I love u for who u are and not because of the bond” Like with SJM masterful writing that could be pretty lit.

With that being said, I really side eyed and hate those who treat Elain as the devil incarnate for refusing Lucien and called her “shallow, dumb, indecisive, selfish” follow with “she will see her mistake, she will beg forgiveness, she will realise that she’s so blind to the-” oh no no no

Her feelings are valid. Refusing Lucien has been put as one of her flaws or why she should be hated is SO CRAZY to me. Yall dont want people to coddles her or treat her like a child so then…pls start accepting her words as it is. Dont try to twist it or double it down. If she says she’s part of the night court, then she’s part of the night court. If she says she doesnt owe Lucien anything, that means she doesnt owe him shit.

[kidpunkjunk]

how good is arcade gannon... really...

the best. hes literally the best. thats the answer thats it thats all hes the most good.

i was about to make a big long think piece but you know what no, fuck you, i shouldnt have to. i shouldnt have to explain or debunk or anything, if you have any kind of comprehension at ALL youd understand. he is, morally, one of the best people in the entire wasteland. he tries so hard and succeds as best he can. he wants the best for himself and everyone around him which cant be said abt most fuckers in the fallout world. hes so selfless and caring and just. fuck dude.

imagine coming from one of the most vile terrible factions in the fallout universe, imagine growing up with those ideals and yet realizing no hey fuck that, thats bad actually. he subverted the mindset he grew up with so extremely, joining a group almost the exact opposite of the envlave. and even within them you could argue hes one of the optimistic and idealist people. like. shit dude. "he joined bc of their resources and knowledge" are you kidding ?? his main goal is to help people, thats his main drive in life and you dare imply its anything else? you dare imply hes shallow and selfish and would use them just for their books? fucking really? sure its a PLUS but youre emptyheaded thinking thats the only reason.

i will never shut up abt his parallels to carla. he is out of time, hes a prewar relic, he doesnt belong in the shithole that is post nuclear wasteland america. hes something out of a pristine photograph, as perfect as one can get without trying, while remaining humble. hes honestly too good for the world he is in. "how good is he really" too good, hes too good, and i dont mean that in a "its unrealistic how good he is" way, i mean that his world doesnt deserve a man so good.

when they said he uses his enclave knowledge in the independent vegas ending (best ending btw) they dont mean the fascist ideas they held or the conservative mindset they had, dude they were SMART in the enclave, wildly intelligent!! fucking !! sentient deathclaws the fuck !! they had fountains of knowledge, rivalling the followers and the brotherhood. say what you want, yes theyre horrible people, but their scientists were near genius' !!! which made them all the more terrifying!! like Caesar if he wasnt a goddamn dumbass !! their best president was an ai !!! and you misinterpret that so insanely its not FUNNY. hes using all this forgotten knowledge, knowledge that would be lost forever, for good, and you think they meant he was instating fascist regimes into freeside? really? really? and he doesnt. he doesnt want to be his dad. he doesnt want to not want to be his dad or whatever the fuck. he wants his dad to be proud of him. bc thats his fucking father. enclave or not, whatever the hell, thats his father.

he hates the ncr because the ncr sucks. only good idea that the enclave held: ncr sucks. they do. theyre imperialist, theyre capitalists, they suck. regardless of who installed that opinion in him, its right, its correct. bootlicker.

i believe that during the battle arcade, like the other remnants, kept their face hidden so they could go abt their lives after. its entirely believable that noone knew it was him in the tesla armour and he could return to freeside. enclave knowledge and tech is invaluable, im sure julie was willing to not ask too many questions for such helpful and valuable prewar recources. and after he returned im positive that he did not strive for a place of leadership within the fort, i highly doubt it. give orders? where did it say he started giving orders? where? point me to it ?

this is the story of a man with a troubled past, who comes from.horrible roots, who wants to be better than what he was set up to be. its the story of a man finding his place in a world thats not fit for people like him. its the story of a man who wants his parents to be proud of him, without being what they wanted him to be, a thing so many people go through. its the story of a man who fears he is destined to be horrible but defeats his perceived fate. its the story of a good man. arcade gannon is a good man. and thats why hes my favorite character. fuck you.

[juni-ravenhall]

the "but almost all games nowadays are exploiting children (and all ages) players?" type comments about the sso thing are just haunting me. the "but thats weird, why this?" reaction, instead of "hell yeah! we need to destroy exploitative manipulative advertising and companies that do this to people!"

ppl are so used to being bombarded with exploitative advertising and dishonest marketing and being manipulated and brainwashed and exposed to schemes to try to get you to waste money on useless gambling and subpar quality products. and ppl are so used to *children* being bombarded with that. that it feels okay to them. that it feels like "well, thats just how things are".

and i keep thinking about how extremely insane it is to me that ppl will be actively mad about fandom shit but NOT ACTIVELY MAD about advertising and exploitative tactics.

like. if you are mad about ppl saying "i hate this game", or by people drawing fanart you dont like, or whatever, if that somehow affects you personally emotionally (it really doesnt have to you know - its not a good place to be in) but youre. not everyday being personally emotionally affected by the fact that capitalists do this shit to everyone and to children who cant even fucking tell that theyre being advertised to. the children dont fucking understand that the companies are preying on them. they cant recognise advertising for what it is. they dont know quality standards. they dont understand what gambling is or why its bad. they dont know how to tell when companies are lying. they dont know how bad plastic is. they dont know how much all of this explotative capitalist shit can hurt them and everyone else and our planet.

it just drives me crazy. that ppl can be so upset about random things individuals online are doing who are not capitalist and not abusers and not exploiting children or vulnerable people, but youre not actively fucking screaming against capitalism, against how people are being killed in the name of Owning More and Making Money (the wars killing people are about money and resources and land!!! capitalism!!!), about the planet being destroyed, about human rights being violated, all these things, are less important to you (you dont get that upset about it everyday, you dont scream about it everyday) than some fucking random harmless people saying your favourite game or movie sucks, bc now thats a real issue, or someone writing a fanfic you think sucks, bc now thats a real issue, or someone telling you to stop being mean to harmless people is sooo awful what a crime cant believe your human right to free speech is being suppressed like that, while people are fucking dying to make your sweatshop fashion and your slavery chocolate.

boohoo i have real issues too, yeah heres the thing, im sure you do have a few real issues. like being ND is a real issue, or being queer, or being oppressed for how you were born, or how you look, all of those things are real issues. but if you get mad about fucking dumb ass fandom things like ppl criticising a game or disagreeing with you about a fandom topic (not a human rights one) or god forbid people telling you to be kinder and more respectful to others. if those are things you get mad at. and you go "huh but exploitative advertising and monetising towards kids is normal?" or "but theyre a company they have to do pay staff?" i just want to fucking scream

[gayleafpool]

Talk about Varian

IM ALWAYS READY TO TALK ABOUT THAT LOSER!! get ready

-> one thing i’ve been thinking SO hard about lately is the potential of a lady caine and varian friendship. imagine it. she lost her dad and varian thought he lost his which drove them to seek revenge against and grow to hate the royal family. they both get thrown in prison. and basically forgotten about. A FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THEM WOULD BE SO FUNNY he would probably think she was soooo cool. wait imagine if they had cells near each other in prison. imagine if she saw the things he went through w andrew in prison and thought hm wow that was insane and fucked up. what if they meet again later on like post s3 and become sorta pals and feel like they can vent their lingering resentment toward royalty w each other and just like. idk talk about all the shit they went through. WHAT THEN HUH

-> related i get so emo about varian repressing his trauma and like, outwardly it seems like he got over everything that happened to him with the blizzard/amber/prison/etc etc but really it was more relief that rapunzel forgave him and was able to free quirin so it felt like everything should be FINE and it would easy to just leave everything in the past so he tries and he thinks he’s getter better and doing well but he’s really getting so much worse and refuses to address or process any of the shit he went through until it all majorly comes crashing down a while later. there are these little signs in the way he behaves like he acts weirdly reckless sometimes and will put himself in bad situations, just starts to exhibit signs of what happened to him. iykyk u know we know. and it’s so hard for him to rationalize this and accept this bc his feelings are so complicated bc he would tell himself that he deserved to be treated that way or even liked it because he was so lonely and desperate for positive attention so there’s this shame and guilt aspect that makes it 10x harder to talk about and AUGHHHHHHH. i could write an essay. this is so important to me. everyone be nice to me about this

-> okay lighter topic. something i always forget about varian is that he’s a good artist like canonically i think that’s so fun. THEREFORE: varian and rapunzel drawing/painting together. ENOUGH SAID!!!!! i love them

wait now i’m thinking more varian and rapunzel thoughts. rapunzel teaching him how to dance. rapunzel being one of the few people who’s happy to sit and listen to him ramble about chemistry n shit cuz she loves learning new things so she’s genuinely interested. they are so <3 IVE ALSO SAID BEFORE that i think varian looooves learning new languages and he’s really good at it and i think rapunzel would be too!! they just end up having lots of common interests

also i refuse to believe varian ever gets taller than her i just cant see it

-> mmfmfmfmfmf varian and ulla thoughts. the fact that they look so similar makes me crazy. i also like to imagine that his hyperactive inquisitive balls to the walls insane personality comes mostly from her too. cute but batshit 🫶🫶 also the anger issues. u know that image that’s like i inherited my mother’s anger yeah thats varian. also the idea that quirin is so protective of varian bc he feels like he couldn’t protect ulla esp when you factor in that varian is basically just a copy of her. WAUGH!!!!! i’m emo.

something something donella seeing hugo start to catch feelings for varian and being like oh so this little shit is EXACTLY like his mother. bc it reminds her of how she loved ulla but could never have her. and it makes her hate varian sooo bad. girl rein in the projection

this has been explosion hour with gayleafpool come again soon

[littlegreenplumbob]

People you'd like to get to know better - tag!

i got tagged in a tag by @calicosimgirl 😁😁 which is insane to me bc i consider myself just a little tumblr stalker who occasionally posts piccys of my sims. tysm💚 this is my first tag as im extremely new to actually frequently using tumblr so idk how to do these things so i really hope im right with how i do this

Last song you listened to:

safety pin by 5sos. i am obsessed with those guys<33 ive seen them live in concert once and i cant wait to do it again:)

also! blissful ignorance by foxhaunt. im seeing them at a gig in manchester next month after seeing them around on tiktok and this song? it just perfectly scratches my brain in all the right ways

Favourite colour(s):

green!!!! my irl nickname is littlegreengirl, i have green hair and the majority of my clothes are green. i just think its funky. i also wear a lot of black so i guess that too

Currently watching:

superstore! cant believe i never watched it before. and also the new disney+ percy jackson. i also love bad education, b99 and futurama. i am a chronic watch-till-youre-sick-of-it so anything ive seen before that i can just whack on and know its funny.

Last movie you watched:

percy jackson sea of monsters. ive been rereading the books and reigniting my passion, what can i say (even though i have thallasophobia weirdly)

Sweet/spicy/savoury:

savoury. bc i dont think there is anything better than gherkins 🤩🤩

Last thing you googled:

i think it was ‘average amount of teeth’ bc i was on facetime with my best friend and we fell into a rabbit hole of how many teeth people have. if youre wondering, i have 24 (and that is the least amount of teeth out of everyone ive asked???)

Currently working on:

i havent played my nsb save in a while since im back home from uni atm. i go bsck on sunday so im sure i will be back into sim mode the second i step foot on mancunian ground. ive been really interested in posting lookbooks as well, as soon as i figure out how to take ok quality photos and sort out my cc. but if youre talking physically working, im at work on my break rn and i have been slaying at making those big macs.

i fear i have exposed a lot of myself to some people who do not need to know this much about me. but i guess thats the point!!!! i think tags are very fun and if anyone wants to tag me in future ones, hell yea! lets see what other weird things i can google inbetween now and then

im not sure who else to tag as i mainly only follow cc creators haha - pls dont feel any pressure to respond or anything but id like to make friends on here:)

@mooneonthings @simfestation @fayethegray

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ARI IM BREAKING IN AND SHAKING YOU SO HARD RN. u think u could just drop those tags on my post AND LEAVE???!!!! im literally so giddy rn because u get it……u get it so bad

“knightly demeanour vs animalistic tendencies…gentle nature vs his violent actions” my knuckles are white im clenching my fist so hard rn because!!! ur so right there IS something just Off about the guy isnt there?? “simmering” UGH THATS SUCH A GOOD WORD like its there but it isnt so obvious at first because he truly believes hes a good person, fighting for a good cause, helping the weak, protecting vulnerable towns and villages!! but its also the fact that like that isnt really what hes fighting for deep down in his heart. im still messing with this but tell me what u think!! i think hes just the slightest bit misguided (by slight and bit i mean a lot❤️) and has no clue how to view his knighthood because he doesnt get to choose!! he doesnt get to choose who he has to raise his sword for and who he has to bend the knee for

BLARGG i got carried away but im so glad u liked the little drabble🫶🏽🫶🏽knight!sugu lives in my head rent free, im so glad someone else is crazy about him hes so hot

PEHJDJSJD MOSS????? ur making the brainrot worse pls stop 😭😭 this is gonna get extremely long i think just bear w me </3 god i adore ur take on him SO much i cant even explain it

moss. grabs ur shoulders. no because youre actually a genius. i was already sold but i never even considered how perfect a knight au is for suguru holy shit????? UR SO RIGHT. ALWAYS. he is ABSOLUTELY misguided and i think there are so many possibilities for his character in an au like this…

its so similar to his canon circumstances but also Not. and there’s that whole other factor of knighthood and honour thats so different from sorcerers because sorcerers can be (and SHOULD be) a little insane in the head but knights have to be Perfect. but then they also have to be Human and the tragedy is that u cant be both at once. (more on that later 🔥🔥 im normal abt this concept)

this is just my own take on sugu but!! i see him as like… Obsessively Moral. in the sense that he follows his own morals without thinking about anything else. almost destructively. and god moss the way that could translate into a knight au…..

just. suguru being born with so much empathy and strenght (and also that one simmering Thing that makes him a bit off) and immediately being recognized by the people around him. being branded a knight and given a sword to Protect people with. a purpose that he devotes himself wholly to, pledging himself to the protection of the people around him, and finding genuine satisfaction out of helping them (while also getting his kicks out of killing monsters bc it satisfies that one little simmering Urge he has). and the people love him and he loves them!!!

but then we get into the concept of knighthood (which im extremely normal about) and how fucked up and paradoxical it is. bc knights are supposed to Protect but also Kill. and they have to do both. suguru is given a sword to Protect people with but swords only do one thing and that is Kill. so how could he not get a little addicted to the way it feels?

its just sooo… messed up. honestly. knights are branded as heroes and saviors and theyre loved by all but deep down theyre more like dogs who have to lunge in whichever direction their superior throws a bone at. ”he doesnt get to choose who he has to raise his sword for and who he has to bend the knee for” <- LITERALLY THIS. he has to be obedient because knights are defined by Loyalty above all else and there are…. SO many ways that could fuck suguru up mentally.

him being seen as a Perfect Knight… having love for the people hes sworn himself to protect but also an undeniable love for violence…. and having no choice but to do what his king tells him to. its just bound to go wrong!! and when it does he’ll have no choice but to bear the blame alone bc thats what a good knight is supposed to do.

like im just imagining knight!sugu having a similar crisis to canon sugu in which he fails to protect someone, or has to sacrifice a certain amount of people to save more, or maybe just has to Kill something in a very gruesome way. and then slowly people turn their backs on him. maybe not entirely shut him out or anything, but now there’s this tension when he walks in and he sees a hint of fear in the eyes of the people he used to speak to so warmly.

and its just this nausea that he cant get rid of because hes spent his LIFE protecting these people. its all he knows. its what he was born for. and now theyre afraid of him? when he does nothing but devote himself to them? when all he ever did was save them over and over again? i can just imagine that contempt building up inside his stomach. slowly rotting.

and then suddenly all he can think is how ungrateful they are, how weaklings who cant protect themselves should just sit still and let him do it for them……. Yeah. i just think knight!sugu could be corrupted so easily because of how kind and moral he is (the traits that made him a Perfect Knight in the first place . throws up blood)

anyway all this just to say knight!sugu is genuinely the hottest sugu ive ever seen in my life not even kidding thank u for feeding me 🙏🙏🙏 i SCREAMED when i saw it in ur masterlist. if i saw him beat the shit out of a monster w his bare hands i would fold instantly and follow him wherever even if he went crazy and got banished <33 rip to the rest of the village but im different

[noctualagenaria]

OK. THANK YOU TUMBLR URL @THELUNATICGHOST FOR SPONSORING ME AND MY THOUGHTS.

[im going to use he/him pronouns for furina (and focalors by extension]

furina genshin impact. you know him, the guy who acted a part in a play that wasnt his own play for like 500 years the guy who yes, can be annoying but is honestly just a silly little guy!! thats all he is!! thats all hes ever wanted to be; himself

furina genshin impact is in canon, a she/her, i heavily disagree with this because of his design, and his overal character being made 1) from someone else and 2) "[he] was made to be the perfect human" that focalors created for himself, focalors is also trans but more genderfuckery because his gender is Divinity and also dead. anyways.

focalors design is a mirror image of furina's "archon" outfit the light one, pneuma version i believe, and in focalors top part of the dress, its quite revealing! theres a lot of chest skin showing there and the most important thing about this; flat. literally no tiddy there at all in the slightest.

now because focalors made furina based on himself, they have the exact same body, just duplicated, meaning! furina also has literally no tiddy!! nothing!! zip zilch na da!!! he has a very rectangular torso (adding evidence to my transmasc idea), even if he did have canon tits (which he does not this is proven) he is purposefully covering them up with the french ass ruffles hes got going on up there, /purposefully/ covering.

the most exposed furinas design is, is his legs, he has rather short shorts (akin to hu tao who Also has no titty but there is room to see a curve there because hu tao doesnt have. the chest ruffles) ((this could lead to how hu taos design is also quite tmasc coded but sadly enough im not a hu tao insaner)) so i could Maybe sort of if i squint real hard i can see why people would want to exaggerate the legs a little

But when people ( the horny + uninformed.. usually..) give him the most hourglass shape figure?? or even Big Boobs im like??????? first off did yall play the archon quest and second ????????? of all genshin characters you think furina deserves boobs??? Flawed logic he is not who you think he is, like even ignoring my headcanons In Canon he is very much jus living his best life being a theater director !!!!!!! hes not an actor anymore !!!!!! furina genshin impact is the wrong character to put your horny beams on !!!!

and for the people in the back

Furina Genshin Impact Is The Wrong Character to Put Your Horny Beam On

does any of this make much sense? probably not,, do i care not rlly i jus hate how the fandom treats him so so so so much its why i cant really consume fancontent of him anymore that isnt made by a trusted mutual of mine, we are saving him from fanons grabby dirty hands and putting him in our own grabby dirty hands :3

what makes it worse is neuvifuri. there are people who believe that neuvifuri are either 1) father/daughter (this is the same crowd who think zhongxiao are also father/son) 2) siblings or 3) a cishet married couple with furina as the UwU Wifey and neuvi as the gigachad husband.

These are All Wrong

pushing most of my headcanons aside, literally in canon neuvi is the one constantly down bad for furi, Constantly!!!! he had a moment of realisation in the archon quest, realising he appreciates furina a lot more than he first thought he did (see furina story quest AND neuvi birthday letter)

and also in canon furina is Terrified of losing him, so he distanced himself (see his about neuvillette line)

now headcanon territory kinda ; neuvi watched focalors fucking Die in front of him, whilst givhim the original dragon power back, that shit was still traumatising as all hell , i think neuvi is just as equally afraid of losing furi as furi is of losing him

,, if i keep going i wont stop about how much i adore their specific dynamic but ANYWAYS. back to the point;

Fanon is Wrong

(have an old doodle as thanks for reading,,,)

thank you for reading all this, it sounded more composed in my head i swear i jus uwauwuuawu biting fandom so hard

[huraiyra]

sorry for vent posting guys you can scroll away really fast now. if youre reading this please be advised I am using a metaphor I am fine lol

but damn I do not feel like a person. I've been this way my whole life and as a teen I thought I had dependent personality disorder bc I just wanted others to make every decision for me and I would ask permission to eat or watch TV or use the bathroom even if I didn't NEED TO and people would be like why are you ASKING. and as I grew up I realised that my fear of making the wrong decision and ruining my life for myself was so stupid. I used to think if someone else ruined my life it would be okay bc at least it's not me. and others know best. but a decade later and I feel like a fucking dog being paraded around to show off its obedience and it gets disciplined when it barks and when it makes a decision against its owner it gets its leash tightened tighter and tighter till it feels like it might die. and I can't escape it. my dependence is self imposed but I can't survive on my own and maybe I learned how to think and eat on my own but I fucking suck BUT I'M WILLING TO TRY but there's no way out. I'm stuck here. what am I without my mom to control me. I'm afraid of leaving I love my home I just want to be taken care of but this leash isn't comfortably snug anymore it's starting to hurt. if I stay here there's no way I can fight them. some day they'll hold me down and have me married and then someone else will hold me down and... more imminent, soon I'll be shoeholed into another career that will damage my body again. my mom says the damage is my fault and if I cant do it I'm a worthless idiot who should die bc life is pain and that's final. but today my doctor said there's no reason to treat me for weak legs that can't stand and a brain that's spasming and making me want to off myself if I can just... quit the job that's making my body do that. how revolutionary. I'm crying freaking out bc all my parents tell me is tht theres no way out and I have to work jobs I hate bc work sucks and thats how life is and why did my doctor have to give me hope? but if I'm a dog what decision does the dog have. I don't know how to want. I don't know how to be interested in things. my depression doesn't let me like anything and bc of this I'm being controlled. maybe if I wanted something I could do it but all I want is comfort. as long as I crave only the comfort of my bed and the softness of my mother's arms holding me I have to deal with the leash. it's not a bad deal but by fuck I should not deal with this any longer. I can't force myself to leave bc I'm unemployed and psychotic and living alone—even my brother knows I'd fall into pieces from lack of money and general insanity. what the fuck do I do. I like being a pampered puppy but I'm a human and I need to accept it. no matter how psychotic I am, no matter how I've never believed I am a human, I am. my autism says I'm scared of other people and only my mom halfway gets me and I just want simplicity and depression says stay in bed and my health says I have no future and my psychosis says stay in a small ball or else everything will hurt you and my family says I need to listen to them and life is only pain and I need to embrace pain and shut the fuck up and do whatever they say or else. but I need to survive. I can't keep doing this. what do I do? dog on a leash... I can't make myself cut through it. can someone else do it please? I want a different owner. but I don't think any owner is going to be as comforting as my parents. their (prev physical and lifelong psychological) abuse is mixed with so much love I still doubt it's abuse even though I know. they've loved me as much as they're capable of and they do truly take care of me. I need to be my own owner but how the fuck. every few days I cry and want to die to end all of this bc the worst part is that after I get away from them all my problems will be worse bc I'M the problem and my parents love is the only thing keeping me in one piece. I'm a dependent pampered dog that can't run away and can't handle a leash. I just keep ruminating and ruminating and I can't do anything. what the fuck do I do?

[neyliaart]

Story time

Because I suddenly remembered.

Lets take this from the top. I live in a family where its usual you get a clasp. Not the kind where people will tell you "it was just a clasp" and are actually hitting there child. But the type of how you would clap your buddy on the shoulder to encourage them. That kind of thing. So, naturally, my family did it to me, meaning well all the time. To encourage me for example. I always used to tell my mother and anyone else in my family who did it that it hurt and if they could stop it.

My mother told me "that cant hurt" and to "stop being dramatic" and before you lash out at her please read further cause my mom isnt actually bad as she may sound right now. This isnt a story to lash out at my mom!

Naturally this left me with a bunch of issues nonetheless because, well, it never hurt a lot. Id say about 2-3 out of 10. But being told "this CAN NOT hurt" and believing it meant anything that is on a scale of 2-3 out of ten is pain that is literally unable to exsist. So you can imagen how that turned out but thats a different story.

Now context is needed. My mom met my step-dad, her now husband. He is cook so he has to do with knifes a lot and that man has an incredibly high pain Tolerance. Like its insane to me. To an extend where it is frequent he comes home with cuts on his fingers he didnt know he had. He legit cuts himself on accident and does not notice because to him it does not hurt. My mother was baffled by this for about a year I think because "How do you not notice? It has to hurt" and she could not wrap her head around that it didnt hurt him and he didnt notice.

She did manage to come to terms with the fact that her husband has high pain tolerance and really just doesnt feel pain easily. This was around the time i was 18. This was also around the time my mother was struck by a thought. If her husband had high pain Tolerance then maybe her child had the opposite problem.

In all honestly of this world my mother did not consider before that it actually hurt when I said it hurt. Because for her it did not. It took her 18 years of my life to think about the possibility that I, as her child, might experience pain differently. I feel like my step-dad is essential to this story because my mother ONLY came to this conclusion in the form of "the opposite of what [insert husbands name] has". She didnt even have a word for it or anything. Which leads me to firmly believe she would not have had this conclusion if her husband had a pain tolerance that is considered more average.

Again. This is not to bash my mom. Once she had that idea she came to me, we talked about it, she apoligized and she has since stopped doing that. I am now 20. Its been two years and I dont hold it against her because I know she genuinly did not consider.

And that just baffles me so extremly. Because it really does not hurt for her (which is hard for me to imagen because it always hurt a little for me) and therefore she really earnestly thought that it "Could not hurt" as she told me when I was younger. It took my mother 18 years to realize that I wasnt just being dramatic for no reason, but instead might simply experience the world differently from her. Which is just. Insane to me to think about.

And I think we all SHOULD think about it. Because to this day I still cant imagen how it CANT hurt for her and how my stepdad can cut into his own finger and not notice because he doesnt feel any pain about it. It makes no sense to me. So its not like I am better. I believed for about 18 years of my life everyone on earth was just fine with this low level pain being a friendly gesture until that day it fully clicked that it really DOES NOT HURT for others.

The only difference was that I never held any power to tell other people that "Of course it hurts" while my mother, as my mother, did hold the power to tell me I was wrong and it didnt hurt. And its not hard to tell people they are wrong about something you inately believe is true. The way I experience pain is the same way I experience colors and the same way i would tell you the sky is blue. If anyone told you the sky is actually red and always had been (as a silly example and mind game for anyone whose still here) you would say "No? Its obviously blue!"

Well. Not exactly but something to that extent would be the first thought at least. Because of course the sky is blue. Always has been. So of course the other person is wrong. While in reality the sky for them might simply be red the same way I simply feel pain stronger and sooner than others might. But the inate thought isnt "oh the sky must be red for them then." because it goes against the world view we have ever since born. And going against that world view is hard but it can literally change peoples lifes because sometimes its not about the color of the sky. Sometimes its about something even more major than how your child experiences pain.

So yeah

No real point here

I just think thats something worth thinking about

And to remember that another person might not be bullshitting you simply because what they said is something that doesnt fit with your most natural world view. Maybe their world is just a little different

[wonder2realities]

You never mentioned you were disabled in your original reply to that ask. It’s also not on your pinned post. How in the world were they supposed to know that the response came from a disabled person? And before you say you’ve mentioned it on your blog before (which I have no idea if you have or not) how do you know they would have seen it? They most likely found your response through the notes on the ask post. And just FYI, you can educate someone without calling them “icky” or degrading them in any manner. They asked if the way they thought was bad, you could have said yes and explained why instead of calling them icky and assuming they would know your disabled. At the end of the day it’s just a damn opinion on the matter. Opinion is not fact just because it came from someone in the group in question.

so much to unpack this is insane im losing my mind this is gonna be a long ass response

op was geniune, i gave my opinion saying its a bit icky - thats not degrading??? i never called them an ableist, never said they were an awful person, i said in my opinion i think its icky - i didnt even direct it towards the person. i never said "youre an awful person for doing that." - i literally said "its moreso the fact that scripting out disabilities is icky"...

please point to the degrading. point to the meanness and evilness, the harshness...point to it. unless the person who originally made the ask to that confessions acc wants to come into my dms or my inbox and say they were personally offended, i really dont see how it could be degrading. maybe its the alexithymia but i dont see it, i dont get it.

ive talked abt being disabled on this blog frequently, literally i make a blog at least once a week talking abt being autistic : even if they were unable to find that out and assumed i was not disabled then they can simply take my opinion as something else i wouldnt care as much about that however i literally MENTIONED THAT YOU CAN SEARCH UP AND ASK DISABLED PEOPLE AND LOOK INTO SIMILAR DISCOURSE because then youd be able to see it from different perspectives as the term disabled is a large umbrella term. so i not only said my opinion as a disabled person who has frequently talked abt being autistic and has literally made blogs talking abt keeping my disabilities in my drs but i also gave advice on where to find other perspectives that will go more into detail of why disabled people dont feel comfortable with the whole "heal everyone!! we're gonna heal all disabilities to save them!!" mindset.

you have no right to say whether an opinion is a "fact" or not when your opinion on the topic is automatically invalid because you arent disabled - dont try to pull that shit on me when you know for a fact that being disabled means that id have more of an understanding on the social aspect of what its like to be disabled...because i experience it and i wont let any ablebodied person or any neurotypical person try to speak over me on that. also, ive mentioned im autistic AND have physical disabilities multiple times on here - even if its not mentioned in my original post i quite literally said if youre confused you can look into discourse regarding the whole "disabled people cant be in fantasy because fantasy = utopia which = everyone being healthy" thing because there are disabled people who have talked abt this multiple times and in my eyes there are similarities to that and the idea of scripting out disabled people because they have similar reasons.

also if youre who i think you are aka the person who deactivated the second i responded : if youre able to go that far into my blog to find a post where i said i was gonna go on a social media detox - you wouldve been able to find a post on me talking abt being autistic because i literally made a post a FEW DAYS AGO talking abt being a blk autistic.

^ incase u dont believe me for whatever reason, this was literally 2 days ago.

also im not an educator never claimed to eductae the person i gave an opinion - it is not my job to educate people. you are twisting a small paragraph of me saying "scripting out disabilities is a bit icky" into me being this harsh and awful person because i...didnt write an essay educating the person when i never claimed to educate them in the first place????

and again, i never attacked op the only person i attacked (which could be u if ure that account but im too lazy to do the whole "finding out whos behind the anon ask" thing) was the person who randomly responded to me, went through my entire blog to find a post of me saying i deleted twt for a social media detox and painted it as if im this limited person who "doesnt believe shifting is limitless and has a bad mindset" (which is insane???)

so to conclude this

speaking over disabled people where someone is asking disabled people for their opinion is weird. dont come into my inbox with this weird shit, unless its an apology because this is slowly creeping into ableism territory (before u even try to argue that its not - downplaying a disabled persons opinion on a topic that revolves around being disabled and speaking over them to then try to disregard their opinion being going "just because youre apart of a group doesnt mean your opinion is a fact" is insane. that is insane. call me crazy, idc thats insane.)