#i cannot write about mingjue without getting incredibly sappy :(

[pangzi]

ooooohhh what about some nielan for prompt 48

48. “I can braid your hair for you…if you’d like.

Xichen was in Qinghe for a conference when the lockdown was announced. His flight home got cancelled and he would soon be kicked out of his hotel room. It was somewhat a blessing in disguise, as his only option now was to move in with his best friend, Mingjue, who lived in Qinghe. 

Usually, they met up every time either Xichen was in Qinghe or Mingjue in Gusu, but this time Mingjue was on a business trip himself until a few days before Xichen’s conference was over and their busy schedules just made it impossible to meet up. At least this way, they’d get to really catch up. It was a bit scary, having to move in with his best friend, and lifelong crush, just like that. But the lockdown wasn’t going to last very long, right?

Right… Three months later and Xichen was still stuck in Qinghe. Living together with Mingjue was nice though. They balanced each other nicely, knew each other well enough to know when to leave the other alone. There had been moments of tension, a few arguments, of course, but nothing that wasn’t solved a few hours later. Surprisingly, the hardest thing for Xichen was keeping his feelings in check. Well, his feelings and his hair. 

It was too often that Xichen had caught himself nearly confessing his love to his friend by accident. Often in moments that felt just a tad too domestic. When they were cooking together, for example. Xichen couldn’t even count the number of times he’d wanted to wrap his arms around Mingjue’s waist and press a kiss to the back of his neck while Mingjue was cooking. His hands often betrayed him in those moments, reaching for the other man’s waist. Only the soft hum Mingjue always made whenever it happened made Xichen realise what was happening, he usually played it off as wanting to move Mingjue aside to look at what they were cooking. Another time he almost expressed his romantic feelings towards his friend was when whenever either of them was having a hard time with the situation they were in. The last time was when Xichen had received a call from his little brother, only then realizing how much he missed him, how scary this entire situation was. Mingjue had taken him in his arms then, held him until he had calmed down and talked him through it. They had talked about how much they both missed their brothers, as Mingjue’s little brother had only moved out a few weeks ago and Mingjue was still adapting himself to life without his little brother around at all times. After that they had gone quiet, but Mingjue hadn’t let go of Xichen, clearly needing the embrace as much as Xichen did at that moment. It was when Xichen was looking up at his friend that the words nearly slipped from his lips. He hadn’t let more than his name escape before stopping himself. Hearing his name, Mingjue looked at him, too, smiled at him. The words were fighting to hard to escape Xichen’s mouth but he wouldn’t let them, too afraid of what it would mean if Mingjue didn’t feel the same. He had replaced them with a thank you. 

Xichen had started getting frustrated with himself after a while, Mingjue noticed soon enough. Xichen always played it off as being frustrated at the situation, or funnily enough, at his hair. Everyone knew Xichen liked keeping his hair short, he planned his hair appointments accordingly so his hair would never be long enough to hang in front of his eyes. But three months without cutting it meant his hair was long now, very long for his standards and it annoyed him. It was always obstructing his vision, tickling his face when he was trying to work, only adding to the stress he was already feeling. 

In his frustration and stress he had started pushing Mingjue away too,  throwing himself into his work, keeping his interactions with his friend as low as possible. It didn’t take Xichen long to break, though. The endless mails of everything that was going wrong in the company, the endless video calls with shareholders who always thought they knew better, the anxiety of not knowing how long this would last, not allowing himself a break… It got to him way faster than expected, though he shouldn’t have been surprised by it. 

It was in the middle of an online meeting with some of the most obnoxious shareholders. Their demands were ridiculous, their opinions even more ridiculous and their proposal made absolutely no sense. It didn’t help that Xichen’s mind kept wandering off to how much he missed talking to Mingjue. Xichen was triple annoyed, twice at himself and once at the shareholder who just kept talking and talking. Xichen just wanted to turn off his computer right now, grab some scissors, cut his hair off and then just… be with Mingjue. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t because he had to be a good businessman and smile and listen, he couldn’t because a choppy haircut would be worse than his hair hanging in his face, he couldn’t because he couldn’t be around Mingjue anymore without needing to confess. 

Xichen felt it all gnawing at his insides, becoming too much. Breathing was suddenly a bit more difficult and tears started to well up in his eyes. 

“Mister Zhang, I’m sorry but I’m currently not feeling very well, could we finish this another time? It is quite late.” Xichen apologised softly, pushing his hair out of his face for what felt like the millionth time that hour, trying not to show Mr. Zhang how horrible he felt exactly.

Mr. Zhang seemed to think it over for a moment before nodding. “You’re right, I will just send you the proposal and you could look it over when you feel better, Mister Lan” Xichen nodded, said his goodbyes and then closed the conversation and his laptop as soon as he could. He immediately felt worse, the tears were impossible to hold back anymore. He felt frustrated, angry, annoyed. He pulled his hair for a bit before pushing it back once again after which he slammed the table before pulling his legs up against his chest, embracing them tightly. 

It didn’t take long for a comforting hand to be placed on his back. Mingjue rubbed his back softly for a bit before making Xichen get up and sit on the bed. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Mingjue asked softly. It only made Xichen feel worse, instead of words, a quite helpless sob left Xichen’s mouth. Mingjue just sighed, pushing a strand of hair that had fallen in Xichen’s eyes again to the side. 

“I can braid your hair for you…if you’d like.” Mingjue said. “It’s clearly not the only thing bothering you, but it might be the only thing I can help you with and it’s quite soothing to have someone play with your hair.” Xichen couldn’t help but smile a bit at that, and even though his anxiety told him not to, he couldn’t help but nod while wiping some of the tears away. 

Mingjue disappeared to the bathroom for a quick moment, before coming back with a brush and some hair ties. He sat down behind Xichen and immediately started brushing his hair softly. He took his time, brushing his hair with the brush first, then going through it with his fingers, massaging his scalp a bit and Xichen couldn’t help but relax a bit. The tears were still coming but his body didn’t feel as tense anymore. When he finally started braiding, his fingers were swift and confident, as if he did this every day, and Xichen couldn’t help but ask how he had learned. 

“Huaisang always liked to have his hair quite long”, Mingjue explained, “But sometimes he’d want it out of his face, and he would always force me to braid it for him. Made me do it so often I couldn’t help but learn all kinds of different braids.” He could hear the love and adoration Mingjue felt for his brother in his voice, which only made Xichen fall for him even more. Everything Mingjue did just made Xichen fall harder and harder. He had fallen so deep there was no way of getting out and still he kept falling and falling. The tension returned to his body when Xichen thought about his feelings again, the fear of losing his friend once again washing over him, right when Mingjue fastened the last braid with a hum. Immediately, Xichen felt like curling into himself again, but Mingjue noticed the small change and pulled his friend against his chest. 

“C’mere you”, he muttered, wrapping his strong arms around Xichen tightly. Xichen had no choice but to melt into the embrace. “Please stop pushing me away” Mingjue hid his face in Xichen’s hair as he said it. 

Mingjue was about to say something else but Xichen didn’t let him. “I don’t want to lose you”, it was barely a whimper but Xichen had said it. Mingjue tensed up behind him. 

“You could never lose me, Xichen. Why- What-” Mingjue stuttered, Xichen wiped some of his own tears away. “Xichen” Mingjue begged as Xichen freed himself from the embrace. 

Xichen swallowed thickly. “I love you” Even though not touching anymore, Xichen could still feel the way Mingjue’s entire body froze behind him. It was enough for Xichen get up and leave, he didn’t dare to look at Mingjue as he started moving towards the door. He didn’t make it far, though, before Mingjue grabbed his arm. 

“You love me?” Mingjue asked. Xichen just nodded, still too afraid to look at him. “As more than a friend?” Again, Xichen just nodded. It wasn’t until he heard Mingjue chuckle behind him softly, he dared to look over. His eyes were filled with tears but he was smiling brightly, his beautiful dimples on full display. Xichen’s heart jumped. Maybe he did feel the same.

“You love me.” Mingjue chuckled softly, pulling Xichen towards him. “I can’t believe I’m the luckiest man alive” He tucked Xichen tightly against his chest as he laughed. Xichen could feel his chest rumble as he laughed.

“Mingjue”, Xichen said, still a bit confused about his friend’s feelings even now. Mingjue just looked at him with a bright smile, a single tear slipping from his eye. 

“Xichen”, Mingjue replied, “My Xichen” He sighed deeply and pressed a firm kiss to Xichen’s forehead. “You don’t know how long I’ve been dreaming about you loving me back that way”

“So you love me?” Xichen asked. 

Mingjue nodded with a bright smile on his face. “Of course I do, Xichen, how could I not?” 

Xichen could feel his cheeks heating up, hiding his face against Mingjue’s chest in shame. The implication that Mingjue couldn’t find any reason why not to love Xichen just too much to bear, as there were so many. 

“Is that why you were pushing me away?” Mingjue asked, as if suddenly come to the realization. 

Xichen nodded and Mingjue sighed. “You have no idea how often I nearly confessed to you these past months, Mingjue. It only started to happen more often and I was so scared of saying it, and you not feeling the same and losing you” Xichen rambled. 

Mingjue softly caressed his cheek, which shut Xichen up immediately. “Mn, but I do feel the same, and now you definitely are never getting getting rid of me.” 

Xichen smiled and pressed a kiss to Mingjue’s cheek. “Good, I’d never want to anyway” 

Mingjue grinned. “Did I tell you already that the braids look really good on you? My best work, if I may say so myself”