#i cannot reread it fully bc it hurts me that bad but it was perfect 10/10 ruin me again. made me miserably happy etc

[kwop-kilawtley]

Hi!! <3 I barely use tumblr but I stumbled upon your blog while going thru the JxB tag and I just had to say this… Rereading Twilight as an adult is so… infuriating ? I first read the books when I was 14 and even tho I was team Edward back then I still loved Jake and I felt so weird about Bella becoming a vampire? Like, story-wise, it felt so empty and unfulfilling, even to my naive 14 yr old self. Now I’m 26 and I recently reread the books and I just can’t!!! believe!!! this!!! It reminds me so much of the way I romanticised my toxic relationships/friendships as a teen because they felt intense and crazy and they hurt so bad that it was almost good? Like that’s exactly what Bella was doing throughout the entire series and it breaks my heart that this girl never healed, never learned to love herself, and is forever mentally stuck at age 18 in her perfect little world where she got everything without any consequences. Growing older and healing from my trauma made me realise that life is the greatest gift and that I want nothing more than a happy, peaceful, sunshine type of love, the love Bella could’ve had with Jake. Rereading the JxB chapters in NM and Eclipse literally hurt because this kind of ease and warmth is all I’ve ever wanted but my trauma made me think I deserve drama and intensity and pain. It’s just so messed up I can’t believe how angry I am with this stupid teen story like!!! It had so much potential but oh well… Sorry for the rant but I feel like you’d understand what I mean. Hope you have a great day :>

EVERYTHING YOU SAID EXACTLYYYYYYY. Like I actually go INSANE because of the potential and how people don’t see it this way. I’ve been team Jacob since I’m 10 but would like go back and forth to team Switzerland. But now I’m fully team Jacob like I p much only was Switzerland bc of the nostalgia of the first book. I’ve been in abusive toxic relationships and it’s legit exactly like bxe. It may seem subtle and just bc he didn’t physically hurt her and was obsessed with her doesn’t mean it’s GOOD. It’s very very empty and sends out a horrible message to people I think. Like bella just chose the need for perfection. She didn’t fix anything it was a bandaid. JACOB WAS RIGHT THEREEEEE. And they have ACTUAL chemistry. Exb are trauma bonded. I talk about this all the time on here and it will always make me so angry but we are content in our team Jacob hive mind tbh <3 canon cannot hurt us

[kulliare]

5, 3, 11!

5) What genre did you read the most of?

i think this year is the first year where i've mainly read non-fiction stuff instead of fiction-- a lot of memoirs and self help! i think the only fiction stuff i read was murderbot, actually, besides fanfic. but i did like murderbot even though i still haven't gotten to the latest book in the series

3) What were your top 5 books of the year?

i suggest everyone takes this list with a heavy heavy heavy grain of salt because i didn't read any books i LOVED this year. but i did enjoy them. i'm also going to only do 3 because i realized i didn't read as much as i thought this year WHOOPS

ace: what asexuality reveals by angela chen-- i think i liked this mainly for the way she breaks down attraction in the book, which you could read here. the rest was alright but it didn't feel as groundbreaking as this breakdown, esp since i could put this breakdown in context to some dating app horror stories that some man i met on hinge who was also ace told me about

dispatches by michael herr. ok this book out of the three i'm going to list is the one i recommend the most. i know it's a war book and that turns people off because army buffs can be pretty irritating but this book consistently made me have to take like. occasional 20 second breaks because it was just so, very very sad. it's a great anti-war book but like, definitely read it when ur not feeling shit abt the world

perfect sound whatever by james acaster. i did skip all his music sections in the book unfortunately but i am a sap for sad stories and reading his mental breakdown did make me go :( and that is what i wanted so i can't complain. also he introduced me to jeff rosenstock, THE musician of all time, who is the bedrock of my carmy playlist

11) What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

my answer is probably dispatches for this one, but vague runner up is slaughterhouse 5 by kurt vonnegut. i'm not a big fan of books that jump around in setting / time but slaughterhouse didn't dive into that too hard as books like NW did, which was defo good for me