#i cannot physically keep up. with that kind of a pace. without killing myself in the process with self-neglect | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

liketheinferno2 · 2 years ago

Text

Coming out of Endwalker like... so many thoughts I am not quite ready to organise without looking back, but I think I have figured out why a lot of people see Stormblood as the odd egg out in this story. It's not the pacing, and it's not that the characters are as unbearable as a lot of people make them out to be either, it's just a step backwards thematically. It backs off from the personal emotional stuff and is a big wide plot thing, and it makes sense that it would be, considering a lot of it was apparently plotted out before even Heavensward and still running on ARR logic. But there's this long running thing in this game that was always better expressed through figurative feelsy stuff where the pain is grand and unreal, sometimes literally inconceivably great the way big numbers don't compute in the human brain. Stuff that is tethered closer to emotions than physical events and gets as close to the characters as possible. Write what you know but not with actual events I guess?

FFXIV at its brightest is about grief, depression, denial and escapism and how you have to move past all of that to make your life worth living -- For those we have lost, for those we can yet save -- but more than that, how this is only really possible through new and surviving bonds. You can't save everyone and you can't get those people back. There's no way to rewind or undo the loss and trauma and the characters who cause themselves suffering are all either out for revenge, or reincarnation that they could never live to see, or more broadly they're looking for a meaning in life that has a finite end point. Estinien, G'raha are both extremely relevant additions to the cast for this reason, it's far more than just fan appeal. 1. Guy who lived to kill, not just for lost loved ones but a life he could have had; almost ends the life he has now if not for new love and friendship. 2. Guy who lived to die out of love, and when denied this had to come to terms with the fact that removing yourself from a loved one is not a kindness, and one person cannot be the beginning and end of where you find purpose. The amount of beloved characters who only enter the main cast proper after you stop them from offing themselves was never lost on me.

Anyway, if Heavensward was when this theming got LOUD and ANGRY, Shadowbringers is when it was cold and alone. I came out of Shadowbringers rattled, genuinely exhausted. Endwalker is not like that. It's the story not just for people in the abyss, but those of us who have climbed out again. A lot of people are Hermes in this story, but I'm a Venat type myself... and it's something you can only achieve after digging through the mud. Extremely rare to ever have a story like this written from that perspective. Once I realised what her white robes meant I changed mine. That's neither here nor there but Endwalker eases you in, stresses you out, hurts over and over but keeps giving you anchors to hold onto and relationships to push you forward, and up to the very last second it's harder and harder (for the characters at least,) but then the relief! Shadowbringers felt like washing up on the beach, Endwalker lets you down gently! God it's good.

I know what an actual character end feels like so I wasn't crying in that final area, I think my prevailing emotion was "I hate these nihilist cunts" "I hate that all this destruction was needless" "I hate this fucking crab bucket dimension" but in a completely positive way. It's that frustration I feel when someone refuses to accept that they have defined their own meaninglessness, it is not inherent and it is causing them all this unnecessary pain. This is the suicide expansion, that's just what it is. I had my doubts when that first came up in the patches but not once did it feel cheap, even when the game beats you over the head with it. The end reveal that "suffer with me" was never even supposed to be kindness, because of course it wasn't, of course there's rage and fear in that, Hermes said himself that killing something that wants to live is not beautiful.

And there's debate about whether the Ancients had an "actual utopia" or not -- A. Of course it was because Emmie said so, B. Of course it wasn't because Hermes and Meteion suffered -- but that's not even the right question to ask in my opinion. It was an actual utopia, caveat: in a piece of fiction written with the idea that utopia and perfection is unachievable and would destroy anyone who could reach it. It being actually genuinely all but free of pain for mankind is not a loss of a great society that could never be rebuilt, but a sort of literalised escapism, literalised denial, an unreachable world that people on real world (the sundered one, in-universe) can only wish or hope existed, if somehow we could ever be free of strife. You go to the Garden of Eden and it's a lab. It's heaven bro. It's heaven and you can't reach it through violence.

Ironically Zenos who was such a... ???? ... in Stormblood ended up being best adapted to the themes of Endwalker because here's 3. Guy searching eternally for what meaning he can find through violence, when actually hurt for the first time in his adult life finds it the closest thing to closeness he's yet felt. But instead of identifying that closeness as what he wants, blames it on the violence instead, literally chases you to the ends of the earth hoping you'll kill each other in some ultimate act of physicality and what is, to Zenos, love! The nearest thing to it. The harder he pushes this way the further he pushes any reasonable person away from reciprocating. He gets so close to realising what he's done wrong, not in his actions but in the meaning he has defined for himself. Alisaie gets closer than anyone to cracking him just by telling him he'll die hated and alone. And personally I do think the rescue button was made of his regret, some last second realisation that dying is not what he wanted, and more than that, he does not want the person who at least tried to give his life meaning to die too. Loving or hating this character are both completely reasonably strong reactions but he loves YOU, like it or not. That's kinda the point...

Terrified I'm gonna lose this post so I end it here. Endwalker was unmatched. Best Game.

#let him speak #meta #dante plays catboy simulator #endwalker spoilers

63 notes · View notes

the-insomniac-emporium · 3 years ago

Text

Slumbering Hearts (Alcina Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 1

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language/brief nudity Warnings: None Summary: In a wicked twist of fate, you find out your soulmate is none other than your employer, Lady Dimitrescu. To your misery, she (at first) seems equally displeased, her heart already belonging to another. But in time, the two of you find yourselves wondering... could the universe be right, after all? Soulmate AU in which every person has a unique "soul mark", which they share with their soulmate. Notes: Reader is gender neutral, but at some points will be described as leaning towards being feminine (due to personal interpretation of Alcina's character). Additionally, Lady D will eventually be referred to by her first name, so don't worry if you feel weird about her being called by her full title all the time, it's just for this chap, when the reader isn't familiar with her. Lastly, this contains a bit of one sided Alcina/Miranda, which serves as a plot point, but is (clearly) not the primary ship.

1: In The Shadow Of Giants

Three months, two weeks, and one day. That’s how long you’ve been at this accursed castle, serving cruel mistresses, having been plucked from your peaceful life in the village. Anger stains your every thought, slowly festering inside your chest. There is no cure, at least not without a fatal price, but there are mild remedies. ‘Tis not long before the other servants learn to give you the more physically demanding chores. Nothing numbs your mind quite the same way that chopping firewood does, though you often settle for hard scrubbing age-old tile. Every day ends with your muscles crying from the effort of it all. Every day… except today. Another servant, from the night shift, has been wounded severely, and her job was deemed too important to be foregone.

And, as such, she has been replaced. By you. For once, you turn in early, long before your clothes can become stained with sweat. Yet you aren’t happy, not when you know that this change will ruin your sleep for weeks to come. Even worse, it’ll be impossible to avoid your ‘employers’, whereas working the day shift meant almost never seeing them. So far, you have only seen them on four or five occasions. Hell, you’ve only met two of them, being Cassandra and Bela. Based on what others told you, the other two weren’t much (if at all) better. As you try your best to get some rest, only a single ‘positive’ thought runs through your head: Well, worst comes to worst, I’ll get killed, then I won’t have to worry about anything anymore.

---------------------------

“Remember: No talking unless you’re asked a question. The Mistress has had a rough morning, and this is her best chance at relaxing,” Juniper explains, for what seems like the eighth time since the two of you met. There’s a nervous energy around her, which does little to ease your own anxieties. If you heard correctly, she’s only been at the castle for a couple weeks, having previously worked for Mother Miranda. You’re not sure what would have caused the transfer, considering most who were ‘fired’ ended up dead. Something told you that it had to do with antsy nature. “Oh, and don’t leave unless dismissed, even once your part is done. We all need to be ready, in case Mistress- I mean, Lady Dimitrescu needs something. Sorry, I’m still getting used to how things work here.”

“As long as you don’t slip up in front of her and get us both killed, I don’t really care,” you replied, giving Juniper a level stare. Clearly unsure how to respond, she pauses for a moment, mouth opening then closing without a sound. Once she’s seemingly composed herself, you give a short nod and push open the door to the bathroom. Two other servants are already inside, and they flinch at your arrival, briefly mistaking you for their boss. “I can hardly believe they made me change shifts for this,” you add, under your breath, rolling your eyes. What was so important about making sure a few candles stayed lit? During bathtime? Maybe it was something you had to be a giant, vampiric noblewoman to understand. Regardless of your annoyance, you quickly get to work, striking the first of a couple matches. It’s a rather dull task. To think you would have preferred heavy labor to this.

Before long, the last flame springs to life, and Juniper dims the lights, allowing the candles to become the focus. At least one is scented, though you cannot place the specific kind. Less than a minute after the last one is lit, the door once again swings open, revealing your most elusive employer. She’s… more than you anticipated. In every conceivable way, truthfully. Taller, more graceful (even as she has to duck through the entrance), and, as much as you hate to think so, far, far more beautiful. If not for the warm lighting of the room, you would have worried about someone seeing your blush. Certainly I am not the first to react this way, you think, as you bow alongside the others.

“Yes, yes, get on with it,” Lady Dimitrescu says, with a sharp frown. Then she moves closer to the tub, which you imagine could fit half a dozen ‘normal’ people, and holds out her arms to her side. For a moment you’re confused, but you instinctively mimic the motions of the other maidens. Together the four of you reach for her robe, gently taking hold of it while she steps into the bath, before hanging it onto a nearby hook. A second later your entire world is turned upside down. You’re freezing in place, eyes wide, as the bare back of Lady Dimitrescu reveals itself to you. Yet this is not an instance of poorly veiled lust. No, it is equal parts horror and repulsion, for you find yourself staring at a distinctive soul marking.

One that matches your own.

Beside you, Juniper watches you with concern, silently urging you to stay silent. Neither of the other two servants seem to react, other than by taking a small step backwards. Unable to speak, let alone form coherent thoughts, all you can do is point a trembling finger towards the soul mark. It’s right in between Lady Dimitrescu’s shoulder blades. Once upon a time, you had marveled at the design, smiling every time you saw it in the mirror. Now, it might as well be the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen. Based on her expression, Juniper seems to agree, although for different reasons. As your hand drops back to your side, you try to compose yourself enough to focus on the task before you. Instead, someone breaks the quiet, boldly, daring to think that they would be rewarded for it.

“My Lady,” a servant says, stepping forward, shooting you a waywards glance. Instantly she has your employer’s attention, though that comes with the metallic sssssslk of her claws extending. There’s an unspoken threat that demands respect. None comes, however, just the frenzied words of a panicked maiden. “I know who your soulmate is, my Lady. I thought that perhaps you’d-”

“A name. Give me… a name,” Lady Dimitrescu interjects, claws still out and impatiently tapping on the tile floor. Tense, you start to step forward, wanting desperately to silence the treacherous maiden. But her tongue is faster than your fist, and soon enough your name is echoing through the room. “Oh? The one right behind me, hmm? Dreadfully convenient, really. Step forward, dear, and let me see the proof. Assuming it exists.” All eyes other than hers are on you, now. With a deep breath, you begrudgingly step in front of Lady Dimitrescu, trying not to even briefly glance at her chest (or worse, lower). One of her hands shifts, a long claw tilting your chin up. “Well?”

“Forgive the placement,” you mutter, awkwardly grabbing your shirt collar, tugging it down to reveal your soul mark, planted neatly on the center of your chest. If Lady Dimitrescu’s gaze wanders, it does so too quickly to be noticed, though she does make a low humming noise at the sight. Feeling much like a piece of meat on display at the butcher’s, you scowl deeply. Soon enough, but not as soon as you’d like, the claw under your chin retracts, and you once more cover up your soul mark. You can’t bring yourself to look your soulmate in the eyes.

“Hmm. Not what I expected. Not at all,” she muses, more to herself than to you, softly. Behind her, Juniper is sending you a sympathetic expression. All you can do, as Lady Dimitrescu judges you, is glare at the origin of this revelation. What did she think to gain by speaking up? Hadn’t she heard the same rumors that you had? Didn’t she know that your employer already loved another, even if that affection was unrequited? There was, simply put, no chance that you were the preferable option. Not when there was no race against neither time nor death. At best, you could be a distraction. Something to keep her mind off of the person she’d rather be with. “Go clean up, get some sustenance if you must, then go to my quarters. We will discuss this further there- after I am done here.”

With that said, she waves you off, letting you relax for the first time in several minutes. After giving a short bow, you immediately move to leave. On your way, you intentionally bump shoulders with the maiden who spoke up, sending her a glare, then give Juniper a nod of acknowledgement. Nervous wreck or not, she was the only person you ‘knew’ on the night shift. Not that such a thing would even matter soon. To think that we’ve been soulmates this whole time, you think, living in the same castle for months, never seeing each other. I wish things could have stayed that way. At least you’d have some time to process your developing situation. Though you doubted you’d have enough time.

---------------------------

In an unusual change of pace, Alcina dismisses the rest of her servants, long before her bath is done. They exchange glances before scattering to the winds. A heavy sigh leaves her lips, and she sinks lower into the tub. Of course I have a soulmate, she thinks, bitterly. I knew this. Knew that it wasn’t her, and yet still, I find myself surprised. Disappointed, even. How had an already rough evening gotten even worse? More than that, what was she supposed to do about it? There was a part of her that wanted to kill her soulmate. She figured that, with them out of the way, the universe might finally understand who she was meant to be with. After all, it wasn’t uncommon for ‘widows’ to be given a new match, and those were generally other ‘widows’. Considering that Alcina knew for a fact that Mother Miranda’s soulmate had long since died, she did not think that her hopes were beyond possibility.

But there was another part of her, quieter, that dared to be more realistic. If the universe said that this human, this tiny thing, was her soulmate… would it not make sense to at least try? What harm could it do, when her current love had been unrequited for so long? Was this not the end to several decades of loneliness? Damn it, she thinks, gripping the edge of the bathtub until her knuckles turned white. There was no denying it, now that a single drop of rational thought had corrupted her mind. Fuck it all, I hardly have a choice. Or anything to lose, for that matter. With her decision made, she rises to her feet, emotionally ready to face the unknown.

---------------------------

“Ah, so you do follow directions, after all. I half expected to learn that you had attempted to flee, or perhaps had a gruesome run in with one of my daughters,” Lady Dimitrescu chimes, as she ducks into her room. Inside, standing at attention, you await. All of your earlier nervousness returns, though this time it is tinged with your natural rage. Of all the monsters in the world, this was the one you were expected to love. It mattered not how tall she was, or how sharp her nails could be, or how fierce her loyalty to Mother Miranda. To you, it mattered that you had no choice in being here, that only a handful of servants had come to the castle willingly. It mattered that a single mistake could mean a cruel death. So you did not greet your soulmate with a smile, or excitement, rather with a forced bow and blank expression. Better to be dead than to fake true love. “Come now, do at least pretend that you are excited, for my sake. I have been waiting a century for this, after all.”

“Perhaps the universe found it difficult to find someone who could love you,” you say, the words tumbling out of your mouth, instant regret boiling up inside of you. What you expect is a swift death. What you get? A deep sigh, a scowl, a look of frustration. Still fearing your possible demise, you are quick to keep speaking. “Or maybe the universe heard me talk once, and struggled to find someone to tolerate me. Countless possibilities, a galaxy full of mysteries… and here we are. Forgive me for being crass, my Lady. I would blame it on my schedule change, but something tells me you would see right through that lie, yes?” Not like that was much better, you think, wondering how the hell you were going to survive this.

“You’re quite the character, aren’t you?... Do try not to make me regret this, I’d rather not kill my soulmate. Now, sit down, it’s about time for a proper introduction,” Lady Dimitrescu commands. Then she’s sitting on the edge of her bed, gently patting the spot next to her. Joining her is just about the last thing you want to do right now… but you obey nonetheless. Still, you angle yourself away from her ever so slightly, hoping the subtle body language would help you distance yourself from her. There’s something in her expression that tells you she knows exactly what you’re trying to do. “I am Lady Dimitrescu, though you already know that. You may call me Alcina… for now. Behave, or that is one of many privileges I will not hesitate to take from you. Understood?”

It takes all of your willpower to avoid rolling your eyes, but you manage, instead giving a short nod. This’ll be interesting, for sure.

#lady dimitrescu x reader #alcina dimitrescu x reader #alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #resident evil: village #re8 village #love this lady<3

363 notes · View notes

alwaysdarkestbeforethedawn94 · 4 years ago

Text

Work You Out (M)

Authors: @alwaysdarkestbeforethedawn94 and @nomunamuinmybrain

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Rating: M

Disclaimer: Everything marked as M includes explicit content. Do not read if you are under 18 years of age.

Genre: Slice of Life/ Idol AU/ Smut

Summary: Working for Hybe has been an experience. Being Jungkook's manager is another story. His sharp eyes, firm jawine and snarky attitude was a deadly combination to begin with. The guy easily found his way to your heart and you simply couldn't take it anymore.

Notes: Hello!! That's another installment of the imaginary scenarios myself and my best friend @nomunamuinmybrain come up with while driving by the coast line. This oneshot is going to be cross-posted on her profile too. Enjoy!!

Word Count: 2.4K

Thinking back to how I managed to land such an unimaginable employment opportunity must have been a miracle. Unquestionably, working for HYBE had so many benefits; I swore to never leave this place. Sure, I was a simple manager's assistant, but I was by the side of one of the managers that handled the most important talent in the stretch of South Korea, the entire globe to be honest, BTS. I was assigned the position of assistant to the manager of one of the guys, none other than Jeon Jungkook. I really couldn’t believe my luck. Not only was I a part of one of the most skyrocketing influential enterprises in the country, but I also had the chance to meet some of the most inspiring people in the whole world! Who would have thought?!

Did I have a crush on the guy by the end of my first month working here? Yes, but who wouldn't? He is the sweetest, always polite and courteous. I've met my share of self-boasting asshats; this industry is flooded with such. This guy is worth billions and he has remained ridiculously humble. Word got around about him being a wonderful young man and I could positively say he is so much more up close. Jungkook is ridiculously handsome that’s a given already, but his personality was the real deal-maker. He reminds me of a dark stormy thundery night where I cover myself with my favourite warm fluffy blanket starring out of the window a rich flavored hot chocolate in hand.

In general, I quite enjoy working at the company’s principled environment. Don’t get me wrong, nothing in this world is rainbows and butterflies, but overall, I can confidently say that it’s been a mainly positive experience. Thankfully, the department I am in is assembled by kind, funny people who like to get things done. There hasn’t been a day were I regretted coming here. As for my daily duties as an assistant, working for Jungkook meant keeping up with his appointments, helping him with anything at anytime, managing his schedule, making sure it matches with the other guys' and so much more. I was required to work around the clock and as a single independent woman in her late twenties who was trying to figure out the world around her that didn’t sound like such a bad idea, though I digress. Essentially, I was one of the employees responsible for pretty much anything and everything he needed. Our department was at his disposal 24/7 running around, living that busy life.

That's until the pandemic struck. That was the first time I thought to myself that this might be nature’s valiant plan to get back what man so forcefully took from her. Suddenly, everything was canceled; life got put on a hold. My dearest supervisor, Jungkook's manager, had to stay at home because he had kids. In fact, a lot of people had to stay at home. Abruptly, days became weeks and weeks became months. The desperation and frustration we were feeling was like nothing else ever experienced. Truthfully, it felt like something had been stolen from us and we could never get it back. In this manner, when the gears finally started grinding again I was assigned to be the on-site manager for Jungkook. That meant being in direct contact with him more so than before and of course, being responsible for a ton of other obligations.

Not going to lie, the first months were slightly awkward for both of us and understandably so. We both were used to very different working arrangements. I might have been working behind the scenes before, but now I had to step into the spotlight becoming his own personal shadow, and I am sure he wasn’t really comfortable with that. Taken into account the current situation everyone looked like a volcano ready to erupt.

Once, I happened to accidentally step in a not so common incident; maybe it was a circumstance I wasn’t supposed to witness. He was on the phone at the time, when I saw him. That’s why I decided it was best if I stayed behind the half closed door of the studio. I couldn’t hear what he was saying and it was none of my business after all, but I could tell by the minute I laid my eyes on him that something was wrong. Something had been bothering him; irritation written all over his face. He was pacing back and forth, phone still on his ear. He was clenching his fist so hard I wondered if his nails cut into his skin. He was breathing heavily, almost as if he would burst and his muscles grew tense.

Then, in an instant, it seemed that the call ended and as he was putting the phone in his pocket he slammed his fists down onto the table a loud bang echoing in the room. After some consideration, I knocked on the door to make my presence known and he sharply looked at me. Without having the chance to say anything to him he let out a loud growl and left the room leaving me dumbfounded and unaware by the door. Soon after that, he apologized for the way he acted confessing that he had an unfortunate falling out with one of his closest friends and at the time he couldn’t process what was happening. I would never forget that day. It was the day I came across a not so familiar side to him.

From that day forward, things miraculously became easier and Jungkook was way more relaxed around my presence, we joked around often and he even texted me to ask about a variety of things outside of regular working hours. We managed to develop a teasing relationship full of endless borderline flirtatious banter. He had this other side to him that only a selected few got the chance to know. Jeon Jungkook was indeed a comforting raging night, but he was also an infuriating playful mischievous brat when he wanted to be. This in all honesty, made him a hundred times more irresistible in my eyes.

Life was going on smoothly until Jungkook decided that taking after midnight trips to the gym was perfectly acceptable, insisting that I escort him instead of his bodyguard. I cursed every single time but I went anyway. Forty-five minutes after midnight he was lifting weights, unbothered. Taking secret short glances towards him I contemplated what I had done in my previous life to deserve this torment. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less about the late hour, but to have this view in front of my eyes was causing me both mental and physical pain. The guy was clearly sculpted by the gods. With his broad chest, muscular arms and thick thighs he could have anyone he ever wanted. He even sported an hourglass figure; He is insanely unreal. That’s the main reason why I decided to sit there preoccupied with a silly game on my phone to kill time until the suffering ended. I was barely hanging from a string at the verge of blowing off the barrier between my personal and professional life.

Out of the blue, with a loud grunt, he dropped the weights, drawing me out of my contemplation. He looked annoyed for whatever reason. He tried his best to seem nonchalant but it was obvious, in his beautiful stern eyes. Could he be craving for an audience? Abandoning every rational thought I had, I put my phone away, looked in his direction as I got up to get water. I smirked at his clear annoyance. Surely, we weren't supposed to interact with the artists this way but I am cranky and sleepy, and for the first time ever, he was being kind of an ass to me. Was I perhaps the reason behind his sudden personality change? The thought kept floating at the back of my mind.

This kept going on for about three weeks or so and I gave him nothing. His annoyance prominent in his expression, more and more as the weeks went by. He was hot but I am sure all he had been seeking was an audience given that he missed it, or so I thought. Thursday evening rolls around and I was particularly iffy tonight ‘because I was extremely frustrated, sexually. This one was making my situation worse, sporting a tight black tank top and skinny grey sweatpants which made him look like a treat. He could easily pass for a bodyguard with those broad well-built shoulders. As my eyes scanned his body I realized this was the first time his tatted sleeve was on display. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander. By the time I was done his eyes were already fixed on mine and I turned away immediately, embarrassment written all over my face.

Seeking solace in the women’s bathroom I tried to extinguish this ravenous yearning. The feeling of cold water did nothing to help the burning desire that was building inside me. Without warning, a knock at the door was heard, his sweet angelic voice following "Are you okay?" he asked, the remnants of a smirk could be heard still. "Jungkook you cannot be here, I am okay. I'll be out in a minute." I exclaimed, as calm as I could. "It's been ten minutes. I can't continue unless you're there." He insisted, I heard him chuckle after that.

With that, it was now or never, I pushed the door’s handle and made my way outside rolling my eyes in the process and he caught that, quickly moving closer, clearly annoyed, jaw clenched, eyes taking in my features, making him look not quite intimidating but definitely interesting. No, it was my mistake. Not just interesting, he looked ravishing. "As I said, I'll be out in a minute. Then you can finish up" I argued. But he didn't budge, moving even closer, if that was even possible, he was almost a breath away. "I don't feel like working out anymore" he declared like a child whose toy was taken away from him. As if I chose to play heads or tails with my career, I poked the beast further, "What is it that you want to do then?" I asked making sure he heard the annoyance in my tone. Coming even closer, to the point where he was completely pressed up against me, "You" he uttered calmly yet authoritatively. Before I could process what he had just said his soft lips crushed mine with a vengeance, thirsty. Pulling my lip with his teeth, he kept planting kisses from my lips to my jaw trailing down to my neck and décolletage; a surprised panting left my lips.

It felt as if I had involuntarily awakened this beastly hunger within him. His kisses insatiable and his touch was possessive, "I've been thinking about this for so long" he confessed as he took my hoodie off. "Sitting there, not giving a word let alone a glimpse. If you think this is off-limits you're wrong" he growled pointing at himself. "I can guarantee that once we're done here you definitely won't be able to look at me, ever." As he said all that, he managed to get me in a compromising position against the sink, his slim waist in between my legs. He kept my gaze as he lowered his head between my thighs. Little shit kept giving me hickeys on the soft flesh of my inner thighs, so close to my now dripping core. He enjoyed tormenting me and it showed. I was helpless but oh, God was all of this hot. He licked a stripe over my soaked panties, "Oh baby, you smell delicious" and with one hand he took off my underwear completely.

He sank in my folds, letting a guttural moan that I felt vibrating through my core. Not being able to think about what was happening I let myself indulge in my carnal desire my hands tangled in between his luscious hair.

He loved food and I've watched him eat before, but this must be one of his favorites ‘cause he was doing his best not to let a drop go to waste; he acted like a man starved. His hands held me in place, thankfully, ‘cause everything was too much; nothing could stop me from shaking, feeling everything deep in my core, he was too much. He just had to be good at everything. He kept a torturous tempo, from sucking my clit to his sinful tongue penetrating me, and as tears gathered around my eyes he decided to add his slender fingers in bringing me closer to heaven than I've ever been. "That's it baby, let go. Let go for me" he exhaled and just like that I had the most intense climax. My limbs felt numb, my whole body felt like rubber.

Before I could register what was happening he was back at it, sucking my over stimulated clit, my thighs unconsciously closing around his head as oversensitivity hit. "One more, please, come on baby, you can do it" he begged. He kept pumping his fingers while sucking my clit, as if it was his only goal in life. My screams muffled through my own hand clamped on my mouth as I reached my high for a second time that night. I felt it take over me with such intensity I didn't register what had happened. He emerged from between my thighs, soaked from me squirting and with a proud look on his face he declared "Now I look like I had the workout of a lifetime".

He helped me get dressed and pulled me close for a soft peck. He must have noticed my concerned look because he wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug and said "Don't be scared about this, we can work it out. I really like you and I'd like you to stick around". Starring into his eyes, I nodded and he pulled me close for the sweetest kiss, trying to tame my bewildered hair. He helped me get dressed and got out the door first to make sure that no one was around. I waited for a moment and then I got a text.

#bts #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts smut #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook oneshot #jungkook x y/n #jungkook scenarios #jungkook imagine

120 notes · View notes

nomunamuinmybrain · 4 years ago

Text

Work you out (M)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Rating: M

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 2.4K

In collaboration with the lovely @alwaysdarkestbeforethedawn94

Disclaimer: if you are under the age of 18 please know that this contains heavy sexual themes and mature language.

Summary: Working for Hybe has been an experience. Being Jungkook’s manager is another story. His sharp eyes, firm jawline and snarky attitude was a deadly combination to begin with. The guy easily found his way to your heart and you simply couldn't take it anymore.

In general, I quite enjoy working at the company’s principled environment. Don’t get me wrong, nothing in this world is rainbows and butterflies, but overall, I can confidently say that it’s been a mainly positive experience. Thankfully, the department I am in is assembled by kind, funny people who like to get things done. There hasn’t been a day were I regretted coming here. As for my daily duties as an assistant, working for Jungkook meant keeping up with his appointments, helping him with anything at anytime, managing his schedule, making sure it matches with the other guys' and so much more. I was required to work around the clock and as a single independent woman in her late twenties who was trying to figure out the world around her that didn’t sound like such a bad idea, though I digress. Essentially, I was one of the employees responsible for pretty much anything and everything he needed. Our department was at his disposal 24/7 running around, living that busy life.

#bts #bts fanfic #BTS jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook #jungkook x you #jungkook smut #bts smut #idolau #bts imagines #jungkook oneshot #bts one shot #bts text #jungkook text

91 notes · View notes

yurimother · 5 years ago

Text

Interview: Shilin Huang, Creator of Amongst Us and Carciphona

Shilin Huang ( @okolnir )is a Canadian freelance artist and comic creator, known for her long-running series Carciphona. She has a Bachelor of Music in Performance from the University of Western Ontario. Carciphona is a long-form fantasy story set in a world where demon-magic is forbidden. The series follows a young sorceress named Veloce, and the mythical assassin assigned to kill her, Blackbird.

Shilin’s newest book, Amongst Us, based on the webcomic of the same name, is an alternate universe comic that reimagines Veloce and Blackbird as musicians and girlfriends in the modern world. You can support the physical release for Amongst Us book 1 on Kickstarter today.

The first book of Amongst Us is coming soon. How do you feel about the release?

Eager and relieved!! I had worked for so long to make the web format viable for print format, as well doing all the extra drawings that were necessary--like covers--that I had to keep under wraps, it felt great to know that that part is finally done and I can release my child into the wild. I was very worried too before the launch of the Kickstarter, because though I am the one who made this story, I am not quite a slice-of-life type of person myself, and it was hard for me to see value in this mundane, not-plot-driven kind of story as a printed book. But I was very lucky to have that worry dispelled!

What drew you towards creating comics and artwork? Was it a dream of yours?

I’ve been drawing since before elementary school because I enjoyed it, and somewhere along the way, I wanted to create my own characters, and then I wanted stories for them. It was always just me doing what I felt like doing, more so than something that I aspired towards achieving consciously. If I had to analyze the allure myself, maybe it was because people and the world are so interesting, I’ve always loved thinking about their nature and circumstances, and art/storytelling was the best way for me to explore and share those thoughts.

Could you briefly walk us through your creative process for making a page of Carciphona or an episode of Amongst Us?

Carciphona is a long, plot-driven story, and so the scale of preparation required before the page eclipses the actual drawing of the page itself. [A] small moment has some larger impact in the plot, character development, and accuracy of world-building. So I usually spend about half a year or more writing out an entire volume, read it over many times over the course of the years, before I do the same thing with sketching the entire volume on the computer, rearranging pages and panels and entire scenes for best delivery, before I finally commit to drawing out each page in detail on the computer.

Where Carciphona is like an elaborate set course where I chop up and measure ingredients and time their cooking with a careful game plan so everything can be served as they should, Amongst Us is more like an omelette that I’m making to taste. There is still planning and writing ahead of time, but each episode is much more self-contained, and I do more of the planning of the episode within the episode itself, adding and taking away details as I see fit before I feel like it reads naturally enough for me to fine line, colour, and paint.

You talk about being a self-taught artist, how did you learn to create artwork? What are some of your favorite educational resources?

While I did come across many tutorials, they were mostly short ones here and there made by my peers, so I don’t have any favourites in my mind that I can share ): . I learned by just looking at the art of my peers at the time and drawing a lot myself, thinking about what I could learn from each time I see something great, and what I could try next time to make the next drawing look better to me. When I had just started drawing digitally, the internet was quite new, drawing tablets expensive and uncommon, with no social media to share art or find resources. Over time, I did try to learn more properly by doing studies and seeking out professional tutorials, but I found that I hated it and decided that I’d rather learn and make mistakes at my own pace and be happy than to commit to effective and efficient learning and make myself dislike drawing.

Amongst Us is, of course, an Alternate Universe comic featuring characters from Carciphona. What inspired you to put your characters into a GL slice of life work?

Back in 2006, when I started drawing Carciphona, I had no plans of this frenemies dynamic for the two main characters, Blackbird and Veloce, and when the thought had occurred to me as I continue to tweak the story, canon GL relationships were still rare and rarely accepted. I was even told on many occasions by readers that they hope the two do not end up with some couples dynamic, or they will no longer be interested in the story. Ultimately, Carciphona was a fantasy story about an entire world, and I wasn’t going to risk the story’s reception over a small detail like whether or not Blackbird and Veloce sleep together, so I just played with the ideas of their relationship on the side, in paintings of many different AUs. Eventually, all that did was make me become so attached to the idea that I decided to say, screw it, I need someplace where they could be together, and I’m drawing an AU for real.

Where do you draw inspiration from for your work? Both Amongst Us and Carciphona.

I love a lot of things, feelings, aesthetics, and I eat up all of that and take it back out in the form of my stories. The inspiration is everywhere, from beautiful imagery I witness in pictures and in real life, to [the] lives of people that I hear about or experience firsthand, to the ethics and structures of professions from mechanics to medicine… In feelings, knowledge, and perspective, there’s an infinite amount of things that makes me think, and that thinking is what creates AU and Carciphona, whether or not that line of inspiration can be clearly drawn back to the root of the thought.

What are some of your biggest challenges or fears creating Amongst Us? Was there any realization or advice that helped you overcome those difficulties?

My biggest fear is always in relatability because it’s a difference between me and the reader that I do not and cannot have a solution for because it involves another person. In such a relatable genre as slice of life/comedy/romance, where the readers have more experience and therefore more varied but stronger expectations of a version of life that is relatable to them, I know that even if somehow I become a master writer, I still would not be able [to] say whether I could story that others would get or would be interested in, especially because I am aware I am an oddball when it comes to how I think, how I live, and what I value. What helped me the most was simply seeing that there were readers who did enjoy the stories for what it was, and reminding myself that I’m telling the stories to find those who might enjoy it, not to avoid those who might not. It’s a different perspective, rather than a solution, so the worry constantly resurfaces, but I hope it becomes easier over time as I am proven wrong more often!

Amongst Us readers have gotten to see Veloce and Blackbird as an established couple, and now we are witnessing flashbacks to how they first met. Where do you hope to take the series in the future?

I intend to tell both of these timelines concurrently, so as the couple timeline ended at episode 20, I intend to end the flashback at around episode 40, and then switch again at episode 60, and so on. While this kills the momentum for each arc, I made AU so that I can have the cake and eat it too--I want both their back story and a happy ending at the same time without having to wait 10-20 years for it, like I do with Carciphona’s plot haha!

What is one dream or aspiration you would like to accomplish? Even if it is unrealistic.

My only dream right now is just to finish both Carciphona and AU before my time’s up! Funny how unrealistic is specified, it made me realize that I rarely consider unrealistic dreams/aspirations as worth thinking about as they are unlikely to happen when there are so many other things I want to do that are actually possible. Most of my unrealistic dreams actually revolve around music, a profession I had left behind with an aching heart. I dream to play a concerto with an orchestra someday, or even learn to conduct, but for now, drawing my dreams out feels enjoyable and fulfilling enough a compromise!

What advice do you have for people wanting to create artwork and comics?

The true challenge these days I feel like is rarely in the work itself; there are so many readily available free resources that anyone who is capable of working hard and thinking critically will sooner or later be able to master skills they acquire to some degree. What is truly challenging is finding, and then accepting, what paths work for you. Someone might find great joy in working in a studio with a group on something big, while someone else might only enjoy drawing what they feel. Both, in this current climate, will be compelled to adhere to the standards of drawing what others want to see in order to gain recognition and financial stability, one will thrive, one will not.

I think the most important thing to keep in mind is understanding what you want out of drawing/creating, and why. Understanding yourself is often not as straight-forward as it may seem, everyone has different circumstances that subtly motivates them to sometimes misdirect energy and misinterpret what it is they truly want. Some people need to be understood, some people want an excuse to execute, and some people want fame, money, recognition, validation. Whatever it is, and all valid, understanding and accepting your own motivations to create can tremendously help you find the path forward that is suitable for you, not anyone else, even if it might mean following an impractical path that no one else recommends.

Finally, after the release of the first Amongst Us book, what is next for you? Anything special your fans can look forward to?

My game plan through the decades has always been to just keep going. I did choose long-form projects such as the comics that I draw, and the best thing I can do is to just keep it up and reach those exciting points of the story that I’ve always worked towards, no matter how uneventful that may make my work routine sound. However, I do have a little side thing with a(nother) recurring theme that I’ve been doing here and there for fun whenever I had time, people who keep up with my social media art posts may have noticed. If I ever accumulate enough material, maybe there will be some bonus snacks for my readers on the horizon!

Read Carciphona and Amongst Us online now and be sure to support the physical release on Amongst Us book 1 on Kickstarter today. Also, be sure to follow Shilin on Twitter @Okolnir.

#yuri #news #essay #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+#queer #gay #shilin #girls love #gl #wlw #essays #interview #art #artist #comics #indie #carciphona #amongst us

1K notes · View notes

transsexualhamlet · 3 years ago

Text

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

#rowan's hyperfixation essays #rowan screams into the void #rowan views moriarty #sherlock holmes

14 notes · View notes

firefly-in-darkness · 4 years ago

Text

Kiss Goodnight

Characters → Y/N & Bucky Barnes

Summary → Y/N lets Bucky in.

Word Count → 2.6k

Warnings → Angst, Self-harm, blood, injury. Lots of fluff in the end.

Beta → the superstar that is @princessmisery666 // all mistakes are my own.

Dividers → @firefly-graphics.

A/N → This for @distractedgemini challenge - the prompt was Just A Kiss by Lady A. Hope you enjoy!

Three am. A time for those in hope of finding a slither of peace when sleep prevails, emotions overrule, and thoughts run wild.

Bucky Barnes silently followed the strict lines of the corridors that lined the various quarters of the compound. His thoughts were erratic in comparison to his steady pace. He hoped that each carefully calculated step would subdue his fears, to allow him to sleep without the nightmares creeping in. It didn’t work half of the time, and the other half would usually involve him staring through the eyes of the Winter Soldier, carrying out the horrors he’d been trying to atone for.

Y/N was in the gym, punching the bag with all her strength; nightmares had plagued her sleep and guilt wreaked havoc on her mind. Her sloppy form paired with her overwhelming emotions had her hissing as the skin around her knuckles cracked apart. Regardless of the pain, she continued to pummel the leather as the wrappings turned red with her blood.

Whilst Bucky wandered his way through the main hallway leading to the gym, he heard the slapping of leather, and groans of frustrations. He watched her punch the bag. Y/N. He knew her sloppy form anywhere. But tonight, these punches were full of emotions. He’d offered on many occasions to help but she had continuously declined.

Sam had joked that it was because she was intimidated by him and his brooding glare. Bucky was certain it wasn’t the reason, he couldn’t put his finger on it, but he thought she liked him, or at least tolerated his presence. Over the last few months, he’d noticed her smile shining a little brighter when it was directed at him or her eyes glimmering with happiness as he joined her for coffee in the morning.

The whoosh of the automatic doors opening didn’t pull her attention completely but slowed down her assault. She peered to the right, using her peripheral vision to see who had entered the room. With no further movements heard she turned to come almost nose to nose with Sergeant Barnes. She gulped at the Super Soldier as she realised what a mess, she looked in front of the beautiful specimen before her.

“Sergeant Buc-Barnes. Sir, erm.” She stuttered around her words, breathless from her fight with the bag and the shock of seeing him. She stood to attention, internally scolding herself for her lack of togetherness.

Bucky hadn’t realised he had crowded her space until Y/N turned and looked straight at him. He almost faltered as he took in her appearance; puffy eyes, wild hair and her knuckles blood raw. His mind whirled with uncertainty; he’d invaded her personal space without considering that she might be battling her own demons.

“Bucky. At ease, are you okay?” He internally scolded himself; of course, she’s not! He watched her thoughts cross her features; confusion and, possibly, fear.

Y/N felt herself freezing at his question, she was nowhere near okay and she hadn’t expected the kindness at such a late hour. She didn’t want to talk about it, she knew Bucky had his own problems to deal with and she would be nothing but a burden. Her worries were nothing compared to what he had dealt with in his lifetime.

“S’okay doll, we don’t have to talk about it. But I’d recommend we fix your hands before you cause some serious damage.” Bucky nodded towards the bench and grabbed the first aid kit attached to the wall.

Y/N’s body shivered at his touch while he gently applied the ointment to the exposed flesh of her knuckles. She hissed at the sting and her own stupidity for taking out her emotions on herself, for not dealing with her pain and self-torment properly.

Bucky’s soft hum shocked her, and the way his thumb delicately stroked over her fingers had her relaxing into his touch, softening into his hands. “No bare-knuckle boxing for you, not for a week or two at least.”

Bucky gave Y/N a lopsided smile, but she couldn’t return it, tears formed in her eyes. The emotions couldn’t be held back anymore, and she just let them pour out.

Without hesitation, Bucky wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her towards him. He surprised himself and stiffened at his actions, but the moment he felt her head burrow into the crook of his neck, he knew he would never let go until she wanted too.

Y/N’s hands clutched his shirt, her knuckles probably splitting open further under the harsh grip, but she didn’t care. Her body shook as the sobs escaped her, her hot tears falling onto the exposed skin of Bucky’s neck. Her hand snaked up his chest and gripped his t-shirt like it was a lifeline,

“I’m-mm s-sorry.” “I’m-mm s-sorry.” Her quiet shaky voice shocked her, but his touch soothed her, his warm hand brushing up and down her back was more comfort than she had ever expected from the soldier.

Bucky’s skin was electrified as his palm glided against the bare skin at her back, “S’okay, no need to apologise. Do you want to go somewhere more private?”

Y/N pulled herself away from Bucky’s embrace, embarrassment heating up her face as she stood up and tried to mask it by stretching out her arms.

His heart sank from the loss of her body heat. His thoughts focused on how he had reacted to Y/N’s movements, and he felt the tingle of a blush forming on his cheeks. He knew now that he didn’t want her to be physically away from him ever again.

Without a second thought, Y/N grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled him out of the gym. He was full of surprises tonight, he let her guide him without questioning. She expected him to question her, put up a fight or something but he just followed her, his fingers intertwined between her own like they were meant to be.

Bucky followed blindly, a first for the assassin, being directed somewhere was very different from being dragged down empty corridors with no knowledge of the destination in mind. His heart hammered in his chest as they arrived in the residential quarter and she pulled him into her apartment. He’d never been inside her apartment before, always standing at the threshold as he called in before or after a mission.

Once inside, even in the dim light of the lamp leading them to the lounge, Bucky could see the personal touches Y/N had made. From the coloured wallpaper on one of the walls, to the bookcase stacked full of titles he’d never heard of and displaying photographs of the team, her family and friends. Nothing in the room screamed “Avenger!” or “Spy!”

Y/N guided Bucky to the corner sofa before dropping his hand to take a seat. She crossed her legs and pulled a cushion into her lap, holding it tightly to her chest. At his hesitation, she patted the seat beside her with an attempted smile. He saw the anguish through the fake smile and perched on the edge of the couch, turned towards her.

“I don’t really open up to people. Well, anyone.” Y/N started, her eyes down casted and she fiddled with the trim of the cushion, “I can’t stop thinking about what happened on my last mission.”

Bucky nodded, he’d had an inkling; she’d shut herself away for over a week and normally it only took a few days for Y/N to bounce back and prance around the compound in her bubbly way. He sank back into the couch, showing that he wouldn’t leave until she wanted him too.

“I could have saved them Buck.” She looked at him, tears in her eyes once more. “I know I could have, but I chose myself. I was selfish.”

His heart wrenched at the sight, she shouldn’t feel guilty for this, he leant forward, cupping her face with his hands, “Listen to me, Y/N. You have saved more people in your lifetime than anyone could have asked. You will feel guilty for those you haven’t but please try to look at all the good you have done. And think about what would have happened if you had gone back into that building, you could have jeopardised other people or gotten yourself killed. You made the right decision, even if you feel shitty about it.”

Y/N was taken aback by Bucky’s frankness, she had seen it when he spoke to the other Avengers, but she had never been on the receiving end. She looked deep into his blue eyes, only seeing his determination to make her see the sincerity of his words. She sniffled, and he loosened his hold on her face, his hands dropping to hers and holding tightly.

“You will feel guilty, you will hate yourself, you will feel the pain deep in your bones and feel that your soul is tarnished.” Bucky all but whispered, “But you have to keep going, you have to make sure you continue to protect, save and avenge those that cannot do it themselves.”

She squeezed his hands, and then threw herself into him, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, “Thank you Bucky.”

Bucky leaned his cheek against her head, burying his nose into her hair, feeling content in her embrace, “Anytime doll. Have you got any hot chocolate?”

Y/N nodded, eyes sparkling with adoration rather than the pain that Bucky had seen since he walked into the gym. It made a warmth grow inside; he was able to bring a little bit of joy during her pain. He navigated towards the kitchen, giving Y/N one last check before he left her alone and was greeted with a smile that had his heart thumping against his chest.

With a belly full of hot chocolate, and marshmallows, Y/N sunk back into the cushions, relishing in the quiet that Bucky had brought to her thoughts with merely his presence and his authoritative tone as he put everything into perspective for her.

Bucky preened at the way Y/N’s body relaxed and her features softened from the frown and distress of her thoughts. He felt pride bubbling within, and he had to squash the grin that he wanted to beam in her direction. Even more so when Y/N rested her head on his shoulder and her fingers traced his Vibranium arm while the other wound around and held his hand.

Sleep was falling heavy against Y/N’s eyes, she wormed her way into Bucky’s arms, not that he put up a fight, and she knew that she would soon fall asleep if she wasn’t careful. Y/N hadn’t been this affectionate or open with anyone in such a long time, let alone this close to Bucky in the years she had known him.

Y/N lifted her head off of his chest to look up at him, his eyes closed yet she could tell he wasn’t sleeping from the way his eyes danced behind their lids, “Buck, I’m going to end up falling asleep here if we don’t move.”

Bucky hummed, and with a swift move, Y/N was pulled up into his arms and was being carried into her bedroom. The lamp flicked off and they were cloaked in darkness, only just making out each other’s silhouettes once he softly placed her down on the mattress, above the covers.

He curled up beside her, his body framing hers, his torso tight against her back as his arms wrapped around her waist. She felt the heat rising in her body, her heart hammering in her chest at the thought of him being so close to her. It felt so right to be there, and she knew that she couldn’t fight her feelings for Bucky any longer with him lying so close to her.

Y/N had always had a soft spot for Bucky, and it wasn’t just because of everything that happened with Hydra. She was not giving him a pity party, she genuinely enjoyed his company, as limited as it was. This was the longest and most intimate they had ever been, and she wanted to make the most of it.

A contented sigh escaped her lips and, in his half, asleep daze, Bucky pulled Y/N closer. His thoughts wandered to what this could all mean. He didn’t want to take advantage of her vulnerability. It might be a shot in the dark that she just might feel the same way, yet, deep down he’d always known that she was very important to him. More than a teammate, more than a friend.

She had always made his day a little brighter; the delicate smiles, the refill of the coffee pot with a wink in his direction, and the way she’d reduce the sound she’d make as she pottered around the lounge as he read the newspaper or a book. Bucky sucked in a breath; realisation dawned on him that this was something he didn’t want to mess up.

As if on cue, a mind reader to his thoughts, Y/N turned around to face him, her hand resting against his chest and his Vibranium arm remained wrapped around her. Doe eyes, wide with a tinge of fear and a small smile on her lips. He knew she was thinking about how to approach this and he nodded gently.

“I don’t want to push you.” Y/N’s voice was small in the silence. “I like you; I really like you, Bucky Barnes.”

“I really like you too sweetheart,” Bucky pressed his lips to her forehead, momentarily pausing to take in her words.

Y/N felt the weight of her secret lift off her shoulders, her body humming with excitement that he felt the same way. She relished in his kiss and gripped his shirt a little more. “We don’t need to rush this. Let’s just take it slow.”

Bucky backed away to look at her, a lopsided smile on his lips, “That’s okay with me doll.”

Y/N was enraptured by the glow of the moonlight cascading through the window and over Bucky. His soft gaze on her, she’d seen it a few times before, but she’d always thought it was one shared with the rest of the team, and his friends. At that moment, Y/N knew it was just for her, she brought her face level to his, their lips almost touching, she glanced up at him for his permission.

Bucky wrapped his arm tighter around her waist, and with his eyes closed, he dipped his head to the side. As soon as he pressed his lips to Y/N’s, he felt a rush of electricity jolt through his body. It left a smouldering burn in its wake as their limbs tangled together and their hands caressed one another over their clothes.

Breathlessly, they pulled away from one another. Y/N grinned up at him, a beam that he would never stop his heart from skipping a beat. Bucky cupped her face and pressed a light peck to her lips, her cheeks and then rested his forehead against hers.

“I don’t want you to leave.” Y/N whispered, her warmth breath against his lips.

“You need to sleep. I’m alright with just a kiss goodnight.” Bucky kissed her once more.

They untangled themselves from one another, and Bucky pulled a blanket over Y/N as her eyes began to droop against the pillow.

“Sweet dreams Y/N.” Bucky tucked the blanket around her and leant back against the pillow, letting the soft snores calm his racing heart.

He knew she’d be in his dreams tonight, and he couldn’t wait to see what morning would bring.

the end.

Everything Tag List: @reann-loves-sebstan / @aroyaldarknessblr / @thefridgeismybestie

Marvel Tag List: @natasha-danvers / @musesforart

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fluff #Bucky Barnes fanfic

210 notes · View notes

delirious-and-slightly-murderous · 3 years ago

Note

For the WIP ask game: please tell us something about Procrastinating Painter and exasperated but horny manager?

Hi Anon!😊 So glad you asked about this one.

So this is, at its core, a character study.

A little tidbit of information about me: I am a master procrastinator. And not only when it comes to writing but in all aspects of my life too. I am lazy. If I can do it later, I will do it later. And I'll keep pushing it back as much as I can until I can't anymore. Thanks to this I've become a master at finishing projects with very little time and a deadline hanging like a sword of Damocles over my head. I work best under pressure. That's why I sometimes lose interest in my fics so easily. If I don't have a deadline it's very hard for me to get stuff done.

Soooooo, all this to say that one day, while I was despairing over my WIPs I started thinking about the different ways an artist or creator can deal with procrastination. And then, because every idea I get now mostly concerns or can be applied to Berlermo, I said to myself: But what if Andrés was a master procrastinator like me?

And BAM!

This thing was born. (Also I find it kinda ironic and hilarious that a character study in procrastination ended up as a WIP, don't you agree?).

So the basic idea is that Andrés is a moderately known and successful painter. He's not as successful as he could be because he's very particular and picky with his work and who he works for. So he only paints when he wants to and what he wants to. Which would be fine except that he is a procrastinator so his work is scarce.

Enter Martín, who is Andrés' best friend/agent and kinda friend with benefits. He is the one in charge of making sure Andrés gets stuff done even if the man in question does not want to. This means that Martín lives in a constant state of awe at Andrés' genius and talent, and also exasperation because of his laziness and inability to do what he's told. Also he is very much in love with Andrés and hates himself because of it.

So the fic in itself would cover the span of a month while Martín tries to get Andrés to work on an important commision for a famous gallery. From him we would see his struggle with perceived unrequited feelings for a man he feels he cannot fully come to understand. Andrés would procrastinate and we would see all his process and struggle with it. Until a couple days before the exhibition when Martín is about to kill Andrés, his genius strikes and he goes and produces a masterpiece (a masterpiece that may or may not be inspired by Martín).

So mostly it would focus on the art, the feels, the procrastination, and then the mad rush to get things done in time. (And I'd like to think I'd write it with a very oniric feel to it. Oh and also smut, so very like soulful and poetic smut. But well I don't think that's gonna happen.)

(Oh and also a happy ending where they end up confessing their feelings because I'm weak like that😁.)

So here have a snippet:

Martín started pacing and swore as he narrowly avoided walking into a bucket of bright red paint.

The room was positively tiny and he still couldn't understand why Andrés insisted on spending all his time in it like some kind of recluse. The monastery was big enough to accommodate docens of people at one time but Andrés was happy to cram himself in the tiniest, most uncomfortable room he could find.

He wondered how Andrés could live like that. The room was cramped, cluttered with books, canvases, sculptures and various bits of artistic trash. It looked like a museum's warehouse, if museums threw invaluable works in a warehouse without thought or care to what became of them. As he walked he deftly avoided discarded pieces of paper, empty paint tubes and old brushes. It was dirty, paint and dust covered every surface. The space not taken up by art supplies was used by a mattress on the ground shoved unceremoniously into a corner, a small coffee table and an enormous oak work table that seemed to be the centerpiece of the place.

Amongst all this chaos there stood Andrés, serene and unperturbed, unaware of his surroundings. With a brush on each hand and one clenched between his teeth. Before him a half painted canvas stretched like a vision of doom. The colors bleak and depressing. A mirage of untold horrors that sucked the life out of the area around it. The air seeming to grow heavier, dense and charged, stilted and dead.

Martín could feel it in his bones, the emotions Andrés put into his work always expanding and resonating within him, turning him into a vessel for what Andrés couldn't say.

He was choking on an invisible weight and fought against it to unfurl his tongue from the dry cavern of his mouth and produce a sound. He knew the other man wasn't happy and that his intervention would only make things worse. But he had to shatter the looming tension before it swallowed him whole.

"Why don't you find another place. Maybe an apartment closer to the city."

Andrés didn't stop in his work but his shoulders tensed imperceptibly and the fingers of his left hand started drumming against the brush he wasn't currently using. He shook his head softly, his motions fluid and liquid. A delicate movement of silk floating in water.

"I'm not moving in with you Martín."

Martín closed his eyes, the bright hot pang in his heart a familiar caress at this point. He was like an addict, his feelings for Andrés a raging force that ravages his body and leaves him empty and aching. And still he willingly comes back for more, each time climbing higher with the knowledge that when he hits the ground it'll be more violent than before, the pieces impossible to pick up.

"That's not what I'm asking, you know it's not."

Andrés dipped his brush in a mug near his hand, washing out the dark paint, flicking the brush and creating a splatter of black bottomless dots, giving birth to a galaxy in the space that separates them.

"Don't ask things for which you know you won't like the answer."

Andrés' strokes become forceful then, the brush colliding against the canvas in an uncontrolled manner. The anger and frustration behind the movement captures Martín. He feels like a chick standing at the precipice. He can jump and take flight, taste the freedom and exhilaration of the wind rushing through his wings. Closing his eyes and diving not knowing if he's ready to fly the possibility of the deadly agonising crash a dark shadow at his back.

He was saved from having to make the choice by Andrés humming lowly in his throat.

"I love you Martín, but I'm not going to give up my life for you."

That familiar caress is back and the little chick is safely back in it's nest. The precipice dissolving and the unforgivable ground surging up to meet him, ripping him away in a manner more painful than any death. He shrugs, hunching in on himself, knowing the matter is closed and forgotten.

"Pass me my coffee." He demands, plastering a fake plastic smile on his face. While Andrés chooses to ignore the burning heat of things left unsaid that slowly melt the plastic away. Leaving behind a partially uncovered picture of a grotesque truth.

"I'm painting." Came the absent minded reply, the willful ignorance of man with a staggering lucidity of all the consequences of his actions.

Martín got up stretching legs that felt numb, forced to carry the weight of an unfathomable burden. He slowly walked towards Andrés, his steps the slow and lifeless cadence of the condemned, prolonging the inevitable in their approach to the gallows.

He took his mug and took a long and deep sip of the liquid inside. He became aware of his mistake when Andrés turned to him with a steaming mug in his hand and a confused frown wrinkling his brow.

Martín immediately opened his mouth, the dark paint water running down his chin like vomit, maring his shirt and staining skin and teeth. In the sickly pale light of the naked bulb, with the shadows under his eyes and the lingering hurt in his being, it made him look like a corpse throwing up thick and rotten blood.

Andrés laughed, the sound had a hysterically joyful quality to it, a discordant note in the gloominess of the room. It immediately invaded them, running through every crevice, every nook and cranny, injecting light and giving back the life that had been sucked out by the oppressing darkness.

The room changed completely, becoming bright and warm without suffering any real physical changes. It was infectious, contaging Martín and changing him from the inside out without his notice.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in a comfortable silence. And the next time Martín stopped for a visit the room felt warm and homely, cosy and welcoming. He also found that the mugs had marker scribbles on them. One read 'Martín' the other 'Paint Water'.

It put a small smile on his face.

Well Anon, it's really shitty right now and needs a lot of polishing and editing, but I hope you enjoy this and that it doesn't disappoint.☺

#berlermo #I actually like this one a lot too #It's mostly me projecting my feelings onto Andrés and Martín #my feelings and insecurities #but well #i hope one day I manage to do it #and that it comes out good #but I'm not great with character studies #so 🤷‍♀️#this might die a languid death in my docs #martin berrote #andres de fonollosa #la casa de papel #alternate universe #lcdp #procrastination #fanfic #ask game #ask

6 notes · View notes

hiddendreamer67 · 5 years ago

Text

Couple’s Quarrel

Summary: Logan and his werewolf boyfriend Roman are having their first fight, and Patton is there to help Logan through it.

October Prompt #27: Quarrel.

Check out more of my writing at @hiddendreamerwriting!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Logan sighed, closing the front door with an uncharacteristically dismal attitude. He stepped into the living room, taking a moment to process the multiple pieces of fabric stacked haphazardly before the tv.

“Logan!” Patton’s happy face popped out from the front of the tent. “Welcome back, I missed you!” Indeed, it had been nearly a week now since Logan had returned to the human apartment. “Where have you been? Do you want to join me in my blanket fort?”

Logan cringed inwardly, having hoped to avoid human interaction on tonight of all nights, possibly because for once he was craving it. “Ah…”

“Don’t worry, there’s enough room.” Patton scooted over, patting the spot next to him. “And it’s real comfy, I promise.”

“Very well then.” Logan tried to appear begrudging as he sat down in the aforementioned location, careful not to cuddle too close to Patton for fear of appearing desperate for companionship.

Patton cuddled closer anyways. It seemed his best friend could read him like a book. “I was gonna watch Into the Woods, if that’s okay?”

Logan thought about it, how that particular musical portrayed werewolves as dastardly and cruel. It wasn’t accurate, but it might provide him with a grim sort of satisfaction.

“That’s satisfactory.” Logan agreed, content for a while to watch the film as Patton babbled along in his ear, trying to provide some sort of distraction. It was working, for a while, until inevitably they came upon the first wolf scene.

“...oh.” Patton petered off, his face falling as he paused the movie. “Sorry, I forgot about that part. Let me change it-”

“No need.” Logan assured him.

Patton paused, turning around to give Logan a confused glance. “But, what about Roman?”

Logan pretended to remain ignorant, staring straight ahead at the screen and the predator depicted there. “What about him?”

Patton winced, and Logan knew that despite trying to hide his emotions Patton had become sympathetic due to his strange behavior. After all, Logan was often very adamant about removing media that depicted lycans incorrectly, seeing as it was downright insulting to one of Roman’s kind. The wolf had moaned about it enough that Logan had caught on to the habit in a fond sort of manner.

“Are you two fighting?” Patton guessed.

Logan considered this question. “I do believe we are having our first quarrel, yes.”

Patton was quiet a moment. “...do you want to talk about it?”

“I am uncertain.” Logan shrugged noncommittally.

“That’s fair.” Patton scooted closer to him, taking the remote and turning off the screen. He grabbed one of Logan’s hands, gently rubbing his thumb against the back of Logan’s palm. “Then maybe instead of talking about your feelings, you could just tell me what happened? And we can work it out together.”

Logan took a tense breath, trying to sort out the facts from the irrelevant details. “I’m not exactly certain what occurred myself.” He admitted. “I’ve been visiting Roman for a while now, he invited me to stay longer than usual to get to know their customs. But at that point I didn’t want to spend any longer in that house because it can be quite stifling with the amount of pack members present at all hours, although I doubt you would understand.”

“Logan.” Patton said, only a bit stern. “Just because I’m more extroverted doesn’t mean I don’t understand the need to be alone every once in a while.”

“Indeed, my apologies.” Logan waited until Patton nodded in thanks to continue. “So I was walking along the edge of town, just to get a breath of fresh air. A being unknown to me approached, obviously hostile in nature.”

Patton gasped, giving a much more dramatic reaction to Logan’s stoic retelling.

“Relax, I am fine. I clearly survived.” Logan assured him with a small smile, giving Patton’s arm a pat. “Roman appeared, the two got into a scuffle, similar to... dogs asserting dominance, I suppose. Roman won and the beast disappeared into the forest.”

“So Roman saved your life.” Patton’s eyes widened, impressed. “Wow Logan, that’s so- romantic! It doesn’t sound like a fight between you two, it’s kinda heroic.”

Logan grimaced, remembering the quarrel that came directly afterwards. “Well, you see…”

----------------------------

Logan’s heart was still beating rapidly, failing to retract to its normal pace as the threat limped back towards the forest. Roman stood, puffing out his chest and breathing raggedly until the being was truly gone. Then he turned to Logan, a wild gaze in his eye.

“Are you hurt?” Roman asked, and Logan forced himself not to flinch as Roman grabbed his arms, looking over the human with an intent gaze. How had Roman known to come? Had he followed Logan here?

“I- no, Roman, I am uninjured.” Logan tried to tug away, but Roman’s superior strength held out. “It was nothing more than a close call.”

“That was really close this time. Too close.” Roman slouched forwards, giving Logan a stern look like one might give when scolding a child. “Please, promise me you’re going to listen to me and be more careful in the future.”

“I am not an adolescent, I can take care of myself.” Logan insisted.

“You clearly cannot.” Roman gestured towards the woods. “This is why you need to stay with us, I’m more certain now than ever, come on-”

“No!” Logan protested, digging in his heels to slow Roman as the werewolf attempted to tug him along. “Roman, stop!”

Roman did stop, looking at Logan with an unreadable expression. “What, so you just want to keep running away from your problems?” His eyes were still manic, darting back and forth as if waiting to pick another fight. Roman’s claws were extended, grazing against Logan’s wrist in their firm grip. For the first time in months, Logan felt afraid of him.

“Roman, you’re scaring me.” Logan admitted, and his words miraculously made Roman flinch back, releasing his grip. “Stop treating me as though I’m just some sort of bauble to keep as a prize.”

“You know I don’t see you that way.” Roman whined, not unlike a puppy that was terrible with listening.

“Do I?” Logan wasn’t so sure now. “Everyone else in your family seems content to treat me like a dog, ironic given your canine appearance.”

“That’s low, even for you.” Roman glowered, clearly fuming. “Do you hate them so much that you’re willing to get yourself killed over it?”

“I didn’t intend to throw my life away.” Logan rolled his eyes, considering that to be obvious. “If you had thought to warn me about the dangers of the surrounding area, I would have been prepared.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” Roman insisted. “You’re too weak, but I can protect you from all that.”

“Even yourself?” Logan huffed. Roman’s face fell into such a state of despair that Logan immediately regretted his words, but was too prideful to take them back. Instead, he turned on his heel, content to not face Roman any longer. “I’m going back to the apartment.”

“Logan, wait.” Roman reached out for Logan again.

“Don’t touch me!” Logan dodged out of his grasp, now full on running back towards the town. If Roman wanted, he could easily catch up with Logan at any moment.

He didn’t.

-----------------------------------

“And that’s when I arrived here.” Logan finished.

Patton let out a low whistle. “Ah. So… lots of tempers, then.”

“Indeed.” Logan glanced at Patton, hoping his emotional friend would be better at deciphering what had just occurred. “Might you offer some assistance in regards to what this meant?”

“Well… emotions were definitely high.” Patton tapped his chin in thought. “I mean you were both just through a scary experience, so I think you said some things you didn’t mean. But it sounds to me that you’re feeling frustrated because Roman’s pack is not welcoming of your relationship, or appears that way, and being surrounded by werewolves was overwhelming for you.”

“Yes, that is accurate.” Logan agreed.

“And Roman…” Patton hummed, his nose scrunching up in thought. “I think… he feels like a failure.”

“A failure?” Logan raised an eyebrow at this deduction. “But he was the victor of the scuffle.”

“No, not that sort of failure.” Patton shook his head. “Roman wants to protect you, but he doesn’t understand how to do that without stifling you because he’s used to being around wolves who can take care of themselves and he sees you as more fragile. Physically, at least. And he doesn’t know how to protect you from his family, emotionally, so he just puts more and more effort into protecting you physically because it’s all he knows.”

“That’s barbaric.” Although Logan’s tone sounded indecisive. “The mindset of a neanderthal.”

“It’s sorta sweet, Logan.” Patton corrected, putting his arm around Logan’s shoulders. “I mean, I think you were right to come here, you both need some space to cool off, but if you two learned to communicate better I’m certain you could figure out some smart-brain way to make it work.”

“But how?” Logan protested. “The next intelligent step in our relationship was sharing a living space to test compatibility, and that has clearly failed. It is only logical that our arrangement must desist.”

Patton hummed, laying his head on Logan’s shoulder. “Logan, you are one of the smartest people I know. But sometimes, you are also one of the dumbest.”

“I beg your pardon?” Logan looked aghast, staring down at Patton with a scoff.

“Are you really going to let a thing like Roman’s family stop you two from being together?” Patton looked up at him. “I mean, if you really care about each other- which Roman clearly cares about you- that’s all that should matter.”

“The world does not operate that way.” Logan argued.

“Well, it should.” Patton said firmly, giving him a smile. “It’s okay to take a step back in your relationship when you realize you needed more time. Maybe try living apart for a while.”

“I doubt Roman would allow that.” Logan frowned, exasperated. “He often bemoans having to leave my side, and I imagine stopping all visits to his home would only make him more insufferable.”

“Yeah, well boundaries are also a thing.” Patton giggled a bit nervously. “If you don’t want to see him that much, you’re allowed to have time to yourself.”

Logan’s cheeks turned a bit pink, Patton misreading his statement. “Well, ah… I would not explicitly say I’m opposed to that much contact myself…”

“Then he can come over here!” Patton suggested excitedly. “I’d love to meet him more, and you’d feel less overwhelmed. He could even stay for a while if you two feel comfortable trying to live together again, I don’t mind.”

“Truly?” Logan was surprised at Patton’s eagerness. “I suppose… but it’s only delaying the inevitable. Roman is a pack animal by nature, I doubt he would abandon his family for a single individual.”

“You never know.” Patton shrugged. “But even if that’s true, we could always invite just one or two of his packmates over here so you could get to know them, and so they can learn you’re not so bad yourself.”

“You’re quite optimistic.” Logan bemused.

“And you should be too.” Patton informed him. “Maybe I’m wrong, and nothing is ever gonna work out. But you’ll never know unless you two just talk things through.”

#october 2019 #quarrel #sanders sides #logince #platonic logicality #logan sanders #logan #human!logan #human!patton #patton sanders #patton #werewolf!roman #roman sanders #roman #werewolves #werewolf

133 notes · View notes

crackimagines · 5 years ago

Note

Remember the sothis paralogue? Can you do that for the Child!Byleth AU

Child!Byleth Post Masterlist here!

(Byleth)

“RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIVES!”

-----

Tales of the Red Canyon (FE: Three Houses Short Fic)

Child!Byleth Professor AU

Sothis and Byleth travel back to the Red Canyon due to some loose ends the two have with the location, and Dimitri, Claude, and Edelgard, alongside their classmates, follow them...

-----

Sothis stood from her throne, pacing back and forth desperately trying to recall the name of the canyon they fought the bandits at.

Desperate to remember, she called Byleth’s name and summoned him to her throne. Although he was asleep physically, he still seemed extremely drowsy in his head.

“Ah, there you are child!”

“Ugh, what is it...?”

He rubbed his eye as she reached for her head in annoyance.

“This is frustrating me to no end! Do you recall the canyon where you first fought with the children?”

“...Zanado?”

“Ah, yes, Zanado!”

“What about it, Sothis?”

“Well, that place brought back fragments of my memory! I cannot help but wonder why. I feel we must return to find the answer there!”

“I see...Well, considering tomorrow is a freeday and it’s only a day’s trip, I suppose that’ll be fine.”

“Good! We shall leave in the morning then!”

Byleth nodded, and he disappeared from Sothis’s throne room.

The next morning, Byleth woke up early in the morning and headed out the gates, carrying the Sword of the Creator with him.

As he left, Dimitri slowly stepped from behind a pillar and watched him walk off to who knew where.

(Dimitri) “...I’m assuming you’re curious as well, Claude?”

Claude stepped out of a dark corner and stood besides Dimitri.

(Claude) “Yup. Not like the little teach just to walk off anywhere without saying something. What do you think, Edelgard?”

Edelgard walked behind them crossing her arms and furrowing her brow.

(Edelgard) “It is quite odd, indeed. I suggest we tell the others and pursue.”

(Claude) “I’ll keep an eye on Teach then. Go get the guys.”

Edelgard and Dimitri nodded, running to the dorms while Claude slowly tailed Byleth.

Much Later...

(Sothis) “It’s...all coming back to me. These structures...Oh, but it’s as if my memories are clouded. The most important places obscured...”

(Byleth) “Are you able to tell what kind of place this is, Sothis?”

(Sothis) “I...once called it home. But, I have no idea why. Perhaps it’s on the other side of this wall?”

(Byleth) “Hmph. All right then, let’s-”

GRAAAAAAGGGGHHH!

(Sothis) “Huh?! What was that awful noise?!”

(Byleth) “Beasts. From the sounds of it, it’s no ordinary one either.”

He pulled out his sword and turned around, seeing a massive creature coming from the entrance.

It was also then he heard footsteps behind him.

(Dimitri) “PROFESSOR!”

The Blue Lions, Black Eagles, and Golden Deer classes stood side by side, getting into formation with their weapons drawn.

(Byleth) “What the, what are you all doing here?!”

(Edelgard) “I’d like to ask the same, professor but I do not think we can afford much time to ask!”

(Claude) “Yeah, plenty of beasts are coming from where you entered. This oughtta be fun!”

As he saw the overwhelming odds, Byleth calmly asked Sothis inside his head,

Sothis, you got the info we needed, right?

(Sothis) “Y-Yes!”

Good.

(Byleth) “Everyone, listen up! I have a plan.”

Everyone turned to see their tiny professor with a calm face. Awaiting their next orders, everyone nodded.

(Byleth) “Now, first things first, no one abandons each other, got that?”

(Edelgard) “Of course!”

(Dimitri) “We’re going to have to fight together, right?”

(Byleth) “No, it involves using our legs!”

Everyone looked at him funny, but the fact his face didn’t move a muscle meant that he was serious. Patiently, they waited for him to continue.

(Claude) “Whatever it involves, we’ll be right behind you teach!”

Byleth took a deep breath as he calmly stepped in front of the classes, looking over all of them as the beasts drew closer.

He activated the whip and took out a massive pillar behind him, separating the view from the monsters coming at them and when it landed, Byleth shoved everyone he could in front of him backwards.

And then, his calm face erupted into pure panic.

“EVERYONE, WE GOTTA BOOK IT! GET MOVING, DAMN IT!”

At first everyone was confused from the shoving until they heard the pillar move behind them.

Then, Bernadetta was the one to shout common sense.

(Bernadetta) “WHAT ARE WE STILL DOING HERE? R-RUN!”

(Dorothea) “I-I’m with Bernie! GET THE BUTTS MOVING PEOPLE!”

(Petra) “I AM GO!”

(Ferdinand) “B-But I can’t prove my superi-”

(Hubert) “IF YOU HAVE TIME TO SHOUT IDIOTIC THINGS, THEN YOU HAVE TIME TO RUN!”

(Caspar) “I-I WANTED EXERCISE TODAY, BUT NOT LIKE THIS!”

(Linhardt) “I DIDN’T WANT TO EXERCISE AT ALL!”

(Mercedes) “B-Byleth?!”

(Annette) “MERCIE, GO!”

(Ashe) “Oh dear...!”

(Sylvain) “Are you serious?!”

(Felix) “I came here to fight, not ru-”

(Ingrid) “GET YOUR ASSES MOVING YOU TWO OR I SWEAR I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF!”

(Dedue) “Your highness, we must make haste!”

(Hilda) “WHY DIDN’T WE JUST CALL OUT THE PROFESSOR’S NAME BEFORE WE GOT HERE?!”

(Marianne) “P-Please stop shouting and run!”

(Raphael) “IGNATZ, HOP ON! WE GOTTA GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE!”

(Ignatz) “B-But...! Ugh, I can’t run that fast anyway, LET’S GO RAPHAEL!”

(Lysithea) “This is your greatest strategy!? RUN AWAY?!”

(Lorenz) “You may question his logic, but I for one completely agree with it!”

(Leonie) “LESS TALKING, MORE RUNNING?!”

(Dimitri) “B-Byleth?! U-UH! RIGHT, EVERYONE LET’S MOVE!”

(Edelgard) “What kind of sick joke is this?! He acted all calm and that’s the answer he provides?!”

(Claude) “In hindsight, I probably should’ve seen this coming when he said use our legs instead of fighting!”

(Byleth) “QUIT PISSING AROUND AND GO!”

The House leaders jumped at his aggressiveness, but agreed. All three houses ran in complete terror as a unified whole.

(Sothis) “WHAT KIND OF PLAN IS THIS, BYLETH?!”

A GOOD PLAN, NOW SHUT UP AND MAKE SURE EVERYONE’S SAFE! WE’RE GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THIS DEATH TRAP!

(Sothis) “W-Well...! Thank you for helping me with my memori-”

YEAH YEAH, NO PROBLEM! SHUT UP AND LET ME FOCUS!

Although she was in as much terror as Byleth she couldn’t help but smile a bit. He went through all this trouble for Sothis’s sake.

She’d have to remember to thank him when everyone wasn’t screaming in horror as colossal beasts chased them.

225 notes · View notes

thecorteztwins · 5 years ago

Text

More Alt-Marauders time! This time it’s Pyro and Claudine in “Left Untold”, Madelyne and Shinobi in “Motherly Instinct” and then a couple of untitled Haven and Sebastian snippets that didn’t evolve into full things. I hope you enjoy!

LEFT UNTOLD “Man, family drama, eh?” Pyro said, stepping into the kitchen where Claudine was fixing a drink. There was...a lot going on, at the moment. Shaw and his son. Haven and her brother. Madelyne and her....er, was the teenage Cable the same Cable that was her son? Pyro wasn’t clear and he wasn’t getting close enough to that mess to find out. “Mm,” Claudine replied, eyes not leaving the bottle she was pouring from. “Glad I don’t have one,” Pyro added. “Is this the part where I’m supposed to tell you whether I do or not?” “Well, it’d make conversation. But uh, not DYING to know either.” It was true, Pyro was not usually into that kind of thing, getting close with folks needlessly. But lately, he wasn’t opposed to it either, if only because everyone here seemed to have a real interesting story. If he had to listen to somebody’s personal tragedy, it should at least be intriguing and unique, and this crew had that in SPADES. “Suppose I’m just a little curious about you, since I know a bit about everyone else now,” he admitted. She looked at him now, glass in hand, smiling in that damnable Cheshire Cat way she had that he was SURE she did deliberately for the purpose of driving other people nuts, “Does it worry you? Not knowing? Or are you curious for another reason?” “I’m a writer, love---a journalist, once,” he put his hands on his body waist and stuck out his slim chest a bit, “I follow leads, follow stories, figure things out. Just instinct. If I feel like there’s a story...I want to know it. And you got one, I’m sure---from before that old ghost got his hooks in you. But you ain’t all THAT important to me either, so don’t flatter yourself. I wasn’t digging, just asking.” Claudine smirked a bit, “Yes, I do have a story. I have a “me” from before Sinister. But I like having it to myself. I don’t have much to myself anymore, you know.” “Yeah---I understand that. “ He did. He understood all to deeply wanting to keep some kind of control, when things were out of your control, your body turned against you into the weapon killing you, yeah, he understood that. He understood it painfully well. “Well, it’s getting so I could choke on the tension in there, what say you and I go out and not talk about ourselves at all?” “Sounds like a time, St. John,” she put down the drink, “I’ll put on my dancing shoes.” They went out to Bangok that night, and then a few hip Eastern European clubs, and they didn’t talk a word about themselves all night. *** MOTHERLY INSTINCT “I can’t believe this,” Shinobi was near panicking, “Of all the times not to have Haven on board!” “Excuse me?” Madelyne turned a look of irritation towards Shinobi, and then picked up one of the infants. There was at least a dozen, all visibly mutation. This one was a lovely sea-green color with upward-curving little horns. Madelyne held it perfectly. “She’s not the only one with motherly instincts around here, you know.” Shinobi, in fact, did not know. He was completely surprised by this information. Madelyne didn’t have mom vibes, not even MILF vibes---well, hot step-MILF, maybe---she wore a black leather keyhole top and stiletto heels and she was totally kickass and he LOVED that! But she wasn’t all...nice. She wasn’t mean, until she got tired with his attempts at flirtation, but she was...well she was the most normal person on here, he supposed, her and Pyro. But a mom? That did work out well for him though, because... “Oh, uh, well, you’ve got it well in hand then,” he said, and started to leave, only to have Madelyne telekinetically pull him back by the velvet color of his sparkly satin purple blazer. “Not so fast, pal,” she said sternly, “There’s a LOT of kids here, and even telekinesis won’t let me watch them all at once.” She could use her telepathy to put them all to sleep, but she damn well WASN’T going to do that. It seemed to be common for telepaths to have issues around consent, for even the best and most benevolent of them to use their powers in ethically dubious ways at times, but in Madelyne’s case, one could understand why agency, even for infants, would be something she’d be defensive of, to say the least. “But I don’t know anything about them!” Shinobi whimpered. He couldn’t take care of babies, HE WAS BABY! Madelyne was unmoved, “Well you’re gonna learn!” A few hours later, they were seated on the floor crosslegged, each one bottle-feeding one of the little shit machines. Shinobi was still kind of weirded out by the whole thing but, after many disasters, had been deemed by Maddie to be ‘doing alright’ at last. “So uh, how’d you learn all this, huh?” Shinobi asked “You used to baby sit?” He could SO see her as a hot babysitter. Seducing the dad...or the mom...oh man... “I had a son,” she said flatly, in a hostile tone that got through to even Shinobi that she didn’t want to talk about it. “Oh,” Shinobi said, and assumed the kid must have died. Then, in the true fashion of the idiot that he was, asked “With Cyclops or my dad?” “Cyclops!” Madelyne exclaimed, in shock at very idea of other suggestion, so much so distracted her from even being mad that he’d pried, “God, Shinobi, I wouldn’t----look there are some things your father is good for but that is NOT one of them!” Shinobi laughed, “Ha! You think he’s sterile? Oh boy did he pull the wool over your---” “No! I mean---being a father---or a mother---isn’t just about getting someone pregnant, you know.” That made her think though...that really was all the “mother” she’d been to Nathan. She’d only gotten to actually care for him for less than a year before...before he was taken. Before she died. Before she tried to...to kill him. And he was left to be raised by the man who had walked out on him, and the witch he had walked out for. She’d reunited with him years later, when he was older than she was, she had cast Sebastian aside to help him...ad he’d rejected her. He’d known what she did, he’d thrown it in her face. She couldn’t blame him---how could he know the full story, that it was out of her control? All he would have heard from his “parents” was that she was the evil witch, the babykiller, the Goblyn Queen, not his real mother, not really. And when she’d run into Nate Grey, drawn to him without knowing why, the version of Nathan from another world, it turned out he’d just wanted Jean too, that wanting Jean in this world was why he’d brought Maddie back from the dead, to be HIS Jean. Everyone always thought that Scott’s rejection was all that mattered to Madelyne, that she was just the Crazy Evil Ex, that she was only bitter over that, over him. No one ever considered how much more it hurt her to have her SON push her away. For god’s sakes Scott’s ship had sailed, but her CHILD...and she’d heard he was a teenager again, on Krakoa? He’d been a grizzled old man when she met him, all the years they should have had together taken away by time travel...could she maybe, now...no, they’d never let her. But that was fine. No one “let” Madelyne Pryor do things. She just DID them. Made her own path. Always had, til she’d found it had already been laid out for her from the start. And still, she’d forked the road---Sinister sure hadn’t planned on Inferno! “So uh, you know all the stuff then,” Shinobi said, snapping her out of it, “Yyou should definitely change the diapers, then.” She realized he was holding out the baby he had been feeding. Holding it VERY far from his body. “Cuz you know how to best. Wouldn’t want them to have a crappy diaper change. I mean that’s why you’re changing it!” Ugh. “Fine,” she said, “Give him here.” She didn’t trust Shinobi not to botch a diaper change anyway. She passed the baby in her arms to him, then got to work with this one, much to Shinobi’s disgust. “That’s kind of cool though, that you were a mom,” he said, once she’d finished up. She looked at him, wondered for a moment if-- “It makes you a total MILF, literally.” Nevermind. *** SMALL HAVEN/SHAW SCENES THAT NEVER EVOLVED INTO FULL FICLETS “I’m telling you, I can’t,” Haven said plaintively. It was a firm statement of fact, and a pained one. Not emotionally pained as was her whiny usual, but physically. And for good reason---her entire right foot was crushed, the bones shattered inside it by the rocks of the terrain they were trapped upon for the moment. But that was really no excuse for giving up and slowing him down, and Sebastian Shaw was not about to let her make it one. “And I am telling you,” he said, looking down at her contemptuously, his tone and expression completely devoid of any sympathy, “That you have to. We must reach the portal. Once there, we can get you a healer. Whinge all you want, woman, but get up!” “Let me lean on you, Mr. Shaw, if you will. I cannot walk on my own, but I may limp that way.” Sebastian furrowed his brows, and crouched down so that he was on eye to eye level with her. Then, with one hand, he struck her across the face in irritation, and then, with the opposite arm, immediately scooped her up and hauled her over one shoulder. It would be much quicker this way than a limping pace.“I want you to know, I would dearly like to leave you, Ms. Dastoor,” he growled, “But I expect Charles would count that in violation of the rules he set regarding your preservation.” *** Neither Madelyne nor Claudine had been able to reverse the bodyswap, so for the time being it looked as though Haven and Shaw had to live in each other, rather than simply with each other. It irritated Sebastian tremendously. It unnerved Haven. “I shall endeavor not to take your clothes off, but understand that this might not be feasible depending how long we’re stuck like this,” he grumped from her mouth, “I already had to use the washroom once. It was an...experience.” “I did as well,” Haven said, from his face. The new gentleness behind its eyes was terrifying to look at for anyone who was familiar with him; Shinobi couldn’t be in the same room with her like this. “Did you look?” Sebastian smirked, an expression her mouth had likely never made before. “Certainly not! I assure you, I am granting you the same privacy that---” “Go ahead next time. There’s a full-length mirror in my bedroom. Take it all in. I expect you’ll see some things you never have before. It would explain a lot about you, Ms. Dastoor.”

#alt marauders #fic #writing

8 notes · View notes

sophieakatz · 5 years ago

Text

Thursday Thoughts: Writing Advice (Part 2 of 3)

Welcome back!

I recently stumbled across this writer ask meme about pieces of writing advice, and I was having so much fun thinking about it that I decided to just respond to them all!

16. Start your story on a train

If it makes sense to do so, sure.

Be careful of advice that tells you what kind of scene to begin with or not to begin with. If everyone writes the same kind of opening scene, the slush pile readers start to get bored.

17. Rules are made to be broken

First you gotta learn the rules. That’s how you learn how to break them well.

18. The first draft of everything is shit

This is likely. I don’t recommend assuming that anything you write is going to be shit, because that can discourage you from writing at all. But I encourage you to be open to the possibility that your first draft will be shit. Give yourself permission to suck!

To paraphrase Neil Gaiman, a first draft is you telling yourself the story. Turning it into something that other people will understand is what editing is for.

19. Write drunk edit sober

I hadn’t heard this before, but I like it as a metaphor for letting go of your inhibitions. If you stress too much about making your first draft perfect, you might not write at all. I do my best first-draft writing after midnight, when I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore, not even myself.

When it’s time to edit, though, be ready to hold yourself to much higher standards.

20. Write stoned edit stoneder

I honestly have no idea what this means.

21. Leave home

This might mean a few different things, so I’m responding to each of them.

If you are suffering from writer’s block, a change of scenery can sometimes help. Go to the living room, go outside, go somewhere else (while maintaining an appropriate social distance).

If you want to expand what you know, in order to write something beyond what you know, leaving home can help. If you want to write about the world beyond your home with any amount or accuracy or relatability, then you need to experience the world.

If you want to create a dynamic story, most likely that’s going to involve having your characters leave home. We call it the “hero’s journey” for a reason. Usually, the hero goes somewhere. Now, that journey can be an internal one – the hero might not physically go anywhere at all. But the story will “go” somewhere.

22. Do not use semicolons

Semicolons are a tool; use them wisely.

23. Kill your darlings

I really, really don’t like this advice. It’s well-intentioned, yes. I get what people mean when they say “kill your darlings.” But I’m really not a fan of the phrase.

When people say “kill your darlings,” what they mean is, sometimes you will have a scene, line, or character that you love a lot. But then you will discover that for some reason – pacing, relevance, editorial demand – you need to cut that thing you love.

“Kill your darlings” instructs you to not be precious about it. If something isn’t working for your story, just get rid of it.

But the fact is, when you love something that you wrote, there is a reason! A darling is a darling because it is good! Maybe it doesn’t belong in this particular story. Maybe you do need to cut it. But you don’t need to kill it.

Darlings have value. That value might not be apparent yet, but it exists. You can always take the thing that you loved about that scene, line, or character and keep it safe somewhere, as inspiration for a new story in the future.

I recommend making a folder titled “Orphanage” and putting your darlings there. You can and will find a home for them someday.

24. Don’t edit as you write

This will vary from person to person, and from project to project.

When I’m drafting a novel, I need to shut up my inner editor and just write. If I let myself get carried away editing, then I’ll stress too much about making it sound perfect, and I’ll stress myself out of writing at all.

But if editing as you write works for you, then go for it! There’s no correct order for writing. If the right thing for you to do right now is spend an entire afternoon making a pivotal scene perfect, even if you haven’t finished the rest of the novel yet, then do it.

Do what works for you.

25. Always carry a notebook and pen

I’m a personal fan of this one. I carried a notebook and pen with me all through junior high. These days I’m more likely to jot down ideas in the notes app on my phone. I do have a little notebook I carry in my pocket at work, though, since I’m not allowed to have my phone out.

My memory isn’t good enough to go without some way of jotting down ideas when I have them. Also, having something to write on when I’m bored makes me happy. Writing is something I just plain need to do. It’s who I am.

26. If you have an idea, write it down, you are not going to remember it

I mean this is true for me. You know your own brain best.

27. Get off the Internet

Nah, dude, the internet is where I get my best ideas!

It can help to remove distractions when you have a deadline, of course. I like to set a timer for a half hour and tell myself that I cannot open Tumblr, Twitter, or Facebook until it goes off.

28. Do not show an early draft to anyone

Hm. The issue with showing an early draft to someone is that you’re still figuring out what the story is yourself. This is a vulnerable time for a writer. It can be very easy for someone else to look at an early draft and tell you what they think the story should be. They don’t do it on purpose, usually. But they’re not always right.

Once you know what the story is and what kind of effect you intend for it to have on other people, then you do need to show it to someone. You need to hear a reader’s perspective. It’s the only way to learn whether your story is doing what you intend it to do.

Only you can decide when it’s the right time to show someone else something that you’ve written. There is a right time. You do deserve to have other people read your work.

29. Do not show an early draft to anyone that you do not really trust

Choose your readers wisely. “Trust” is a tricky word; I think you can show your drafts to people that you know and love, and also to people that you don’t know very well.

The people you meet in a writing workshop might be more willing to give you useful critique than your parent who will tell you that everything you write is great. At the same time, your parent will know you well enough to give their critique in a way that makes sense to you, while a relative stranger might accidentally come off as rude or condescending.

Show your early drafts to people who will give you what you need. This means that you should give them some guidance about how they can help you, especially if they’re not used to giving writing critique.

Are you looking for praise and encouragement from the reader? Are you looking for how it makes the reader feel? Are you looking for which characters or moments stand out to the reader? Tell them what you need and see how they respond. That’s how you find useful critique partners.

And they are partners. If they are taking the time to read your work, figure out something you can do for them in return. If they are a writer, too, offer to read their work. If not, buy them a coffee.

30. Don’t drink and write

I don’t drink, but I don’t see why not. For some people, drinking might help you get to that no-inhibitions mental space I discover after midnight.

31. Read your story aloud

Reading your writing out loud is a fantastic editing tool. When you just use your eyes, your brain can fill in the blanks with what you meant to say. It’s harder to miss errors when you read out loud.

With plays and screenplays, which will eventually be read aloud by performers, you need to hear the story read aloud in order to discover what’s working well and what isn’t.

32. Start with the end in mind

This is not obligatory, but it can help.

There is a place for writing by the seat of your pants (“pantsing”), especially if you don’t yet know where the story will go or what it truly is about. Again, the first draft is you telling yourself the story.

But a cohesive narrative has an ending which resonates throughout the story. It makes sense as the place that the story was going all along. This isn’t the same thing as a predictable ending. It is an ending that makes sense as a consequence of everything that came before it.

My undergraduate screenwriting professor had us write the last ten pages of our screenplay very early in the semester. She told us to make our best guess about how the story would end. This forced me to figure out some things about the characters and their journey very quickly – which proved to be useful for my writing the rest of the semester.

Then my professor told us to not be afraid of changing the ending. Most likely, she said, once we actually got to the end, it would be very different than what we just wrote. But it was still important to keep the destination in mind as we took our characters along their journey.

To be continued…

#writing #advice #writing advice #writblr #writers of tumblr #reading #writing critique #editing #kill your darlings #thursday thoughts #listicles #first drafts #rules #writing rules #rules are made to be broken #endings

3 notes · View notes

midwinter-fox · 6 years ago

Text

Admission

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

"I love you."

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop and think, but it felt natural to say it - like it had been on his tongue for a while now. Leonore stood and stared at him, making him wonder if maybe he'd been too hasty. Had she not already told him that she loved him? Surely she hadn't changed her mind in the short time since then. The smile that broke forth on her face was slow and accompanied by a soft blush and what looked to be a tear. Impulsively, he reached for her and wiped the tear away with his thumb.

After nearly losing her the way he had, the realization that he couldn't be without her hit him like a ton of bricks. Fear had sunk its claws into him so fiercely that he would have lost his mind to rage had he not been so determined to find her and keep her safe. When he did find her, it was like searching for his Rhena all over again. This time though, when he looked into Leonore's eyes and saw the hope as she gazed upon his bestial form, a surge of possessiveness gripped him. He didn't want to protect her, he needed to. She was so relieved to see him, a true relief that was so clear to read on her face. That she was so easy to read made it easy to open himself to her, and that was part of what made him finally come to terms with the fact that he truly did love her.

When she leaned into the hand that cupped her cheek, he couldn't contain his feelings any longer. He swept her up into an embrace and kissed her long and hard, desperate to feel her love for him too. She returned the gesture in full, wrapping her arms about his shoulders and pressing close to him - as close as their physical forms could allow. They only parted to allow each other a chance to breathe, but he was so overcome with emotion that he continued to shower her face and neck in kisses. Her giggle graced his ears, and he delighted in it. If he could lay her out right here and take her, he would; ipnstead, he once again scooped her up into his arms and once again nuzzled her affectionately.

"I love you," he murmured against her neck before pressing another kiss there.

"I love you too, Dettlaff." Her grin was brighter than the sun. "I can't tell you how happy I am to hear you say that. What about what you said last night..? How you can't love me like you had before."

"I do not love you like I loved Rhena." Before her smile could disappear, he kissed it back into place. "My love for you is different. Her love was selfish and fierce. It was a passion that threatened to burn us alive. But you, I feel.. I cannot describe it well. It is warm and fuzzy and leaves me breathless when you smile. I want to give you all I have because I know you will give me something in return. She took from me until I had nothing left to give, but you wish to share with me so we may be happy together."

"You know I would do anything for you, right?" Inwardly, he sincerely hoped not, but the sentiment made his heart soar.

"And I, you."

Her grin was back, and the look in her eyes was one of both love and desire. He shared it in kind, a smile finding its way to his usually stoic face. It was soft, but it conveyed what he wanted her to know.

"Come. I wish to bring you back to Dillingen. Your employer will have to find someone else to take your place for today."

"Wait, what? Dettlaff, I told you--"

"If you need food, I will provide. I will provide for all of your needs. For now, let us return home so you may recover from your endeavor."

"But I--"

"Stop. No more. If you'll not come with me by choice, then I will convince you through other means."

"Such as?"

This time he silenced her with his kiss, one that left her dumb. His lips had parted hers to allow for his tongue to slip past along with a low growl, further deepening their embrace and tearing a moan from deep inside her. Even after he broke it, she felt weak and stupid, but the look in his eyes told her he knew exactly what he was doing - he looked almost playful, something Leonore had never seen in him before now.

"Any more objections?"

"Ehm..?"

"Good."

With that, he gently hoisted her up onto the back of her mare with relative ease. She had to shift her skirt so she could sit comfortably, reminding her that she needed to stop wearing skirts when travelling out of town. Then, Dettlaff climbed up to sit behind her; the horse shifted a moment as she got used to the extra weight, but with a stroke of the mane, she settled back down. Leonore had to scoot forward as far as the saddle would allow, but she still ended up with her back flush against him. Neither of them would have had it any other way.

---

He could've made the trip himself in a matter minutes, but Dettlaff didn't want to leave Leonore to travel alone - especially not if there were more thugs lurking about. Besides, holding her against him like this was worth the hour long trip at the speed they traveled - she wanted to have mercy on her horse and allow her to set a more leisurely pace for the first half of the return home.

"You know, this doesn't usually happen," she commented, breaking the silence as they watched the scenery pass slowly.

"Hm?"

"Bandits, I mean. I've delivered goods out here before and never had any troubles until today."

"It is not something you can control nor anticipate. I am simply glad to have found you safe." He punctuated his sentence by pressing his lips to her crown. There was no telling what he'd have done if she'd been hurt or killed.

"You do have impeccable timing," she hummed approvingly. With his hands on the reins she settled with keeping one hand on the horn of the saddle and the other on his thigh. She'd told him it was for stability, but it was also an excuse to touch him as much as she could get away with. He definitely didn't mind - not any more.

"Thank you again, Dettlaff. Not just for saving my life, but the farmer and his family too. I take it they know you're a vampire too now?"

"No. I dispatched the thugs by other means."

"With that dagger?" It was the first time she'd seen him wearing it, though she supposed he wouldn't have a need for it if he was just strolling about town or staying home.

"Indeed. I did not wish to reveal myself before them, but you.. You deserved to know eventually." The tone with which he spoke made him sound almost forlorn, so she gave his thigh a comforting squeeze.

"You thought it might scare me?"

"Did it not?"

"Well.. Yes and no. Sure, I was frightened at first, but I knew it was you as soon as you turned to face me. I'm glad I know what you look like in your vampire form. Now I won't mistake you for someone that might actually mean me harm."

Her words dug deep. It was only natural for her to be afraid, but that he actually brought her comfort even in that form pleased him greatly.

"I will never hurt you, liefje, no matter what form I take. This I promise." He pressed another kiss, this time to her shoulder.

"Keep that up and I'll have to exact my revenge on you as soon as we get back to town."

"What do you mean..?" Had he done something to upset her?

"You kiss me, but from where I sit, I can't kiss you back."

"This bothers you..?"

"Immensely. Why should you get to have all of the fun? If you're going to keep kissing me, then you'll have to pay dearly when we get back."

"And how would you make me pay?" She didn't have to see him to hear the smirk in his voice.

"Oh you'll see."

---

As soon as they returned to Dillingen, Leonore managed to persuade Dettlaff to get them to her house so she may tie up her horse then see about getting someone to cover the rest of her deliveries. No amount of begging or bargaining would move him from his firm stance in regards to letting her finish her job - not even the promise of sweets. Her manipulative pout almost did it for him, but he managed to tear his gaze away from her and remain unmoving. As such, she bade him stay while she handle matters with her employer and she would return shortly. Initially, he'd wanted to go with her, but he decided he'd stay put at the very least.

This was the first time he'd been to her home, and he was mildly impressed considering she was neither rich nor of higher birth. At least, he was until he realized that she could afford such spacious living because she lived very humbly. There wasn't much for furniture inside save for a sofa and side table in the foyer, a small cooking ensemble in the kitchen, and a bed and dresser in her room - there weren't even any decorations to speak of. Most of the peasant homes here barely even had two rooms in the whole building, and he contemplated why she had so much space all to herself. It was very clean at the least, but he couldn't help but feel like no one had lived there in years.

Just as he'd decided to sit and wait for her, the door opened and in she walked. She'd only been gone for about ten minutes, but he was all the more grateful for it.

"He wasn't happy about it, but after telling him about how I nearly died, he seemed to feel a bit sorry for me. He gave me the rest of today to recuperate and even went so far as to allow me tomorrow as well."

Outwardly, Dettlaff smiled, but inwardly he was practically cheering.

"This is good news. I wish to take care of you tonight if you will allow it."

"Take care of me..? What do you mean?"

He stood from her settee and approached her slowly, almost looking like a cat on the prowl. When he took her by the waist and pulled her to him, she was more than compliant, already leaning in and up to accept the kiss he was offering. With her being so short compared to him, he had to stoop to kiss her properly, but it was worth it to feel her soft lips against his.

"I wish to help you relax," he murmured against her lips once the kiss finally broke, "and make up for how coldly I treated you over the past few days."

"You don't need to make up for anything, Dettlaff. I understand why you behaved as you did."

"My reasoning is no excuse for my deplorable actions." The determination with which he spoke made her smile.

"So be it. Though, I still need to exact my revenge for all of your teasing on the way here." There was a glint in his eye to match her coy grin.

"And what will you do?"

It was her turn to do to him as he'd done to her earlier just prior to seating her on her horse. She gripped the top most buckles that fastened his coat and yanked him down. He could've easily resisted, but he wanted to see what sort of game she wished to play. Her mouth took his in a searing kiss, one that damn near made his toes curl. Snogging seemed to be something at which she excelled, for even he couldn't fathom how she could caress him with her lips and tongue as she did.

Their mouths did not part, not even when she used the distraction to push him back until he hit a wall. Her lips were demanding, but they also gave in return. That he could find such pleasure in something so simple as a kiss left him staggering, but with his purchase against the wall, he was able to use the leverage in his favor. He grabbed her by the waist and pressed their bodies together as close as physically possible, but she wasn't going to relent control. When she pressed her hips to his, it changed the tone entirely. What was originally a playful bid for dominance became hot, erotic, passionate. Before he knew it, he was moaning into their embrace thanks to one of her hands being in his hair and the other pressing and rubbing against his groin. It was almost too much and forced him to take her by the shoulders and push her back as gently as he could muster. They were both breathless, but moreso he than she.

"S-stop. We mustn't--"

"Mustn't what?" Her voice was low and alluring, her words saying one thing but her tone saying shut up and take me. However, he wasn't sure whether this was something he was ready for. She may be prepared to hop into bed with him right then and there, but with this being the first time he makes love to her, he wanted it to be more than just horny rutting.

"I.." He was having a hard time finding his voice. "I wish to make this special - more meaningful."

For a moment, she seemed confused and a little concerned, but when he expressed his desire, it was like the seductress she'd been mere seconds before vanished and was replaced with his sweet, kind Leonore. She fixed him with a warm smile.

"Dettlaff, any moment I spend with you is special. Honestly, you could take me in a hog wallow and I'd still think it perfect."

"That would be revolting." Why would she want to have sex in a mud hole?

"I don't mean that literally. I simply mean you needn't do or say anything to make this moment feel special. I appreciate the sentiment, I truly do, but I'd really enjoy it if we just let fate take things from here. If we end up in bed, then so be it. If not, then you can always try to make it more special next chance you get. For now, I'd like to forget about formalities and niceties and simply be."

"But--"

"Ah, ah. No buts. Please?"

As apprehensive as she was to the prospect of laying with him the night before, now that he professed his feelings for her, she felt an overwhelming desire to give him everything she had. He too felt this need, but he didn't want for her to think poorly of him for being so hasty. When he and Rhena had courted, they both leaped into bed very quickly. There was an undeniable attraction between them that made him want to let loose and be wild with her. Leonore, however, made him want to be the best man he could be for her, regardless of how badly he wanted to give in to his own desires.

He wasn't entirely sure what to say to try to convince her otherwise, so she took advantage of his silence to kiss him again, but this time slowly and tenderly. She was taking her time with him now, and he appreciated it immensely. This was something he wanted to last forever.

Her hands busied themselves with undoing the buckles holding his coat together while his had already started with the buttons on his shirt - even if he wanted to take her slowly, he still wanted to feel her skin against his. Together, they managed to get the most complicated of his clothing undone before he began kissing a trail from her mouth down to her neck. His teeth scraped against her skin as he nipped lightly - not hard enough to draw blood, but it did make her gasp and moan into his ear. He paid a lot of attention to her neck and throat with his lips and tongue and teeth. When he sucked softly at her pulse, she seemed like she was going to collapse in his arms.

As soon as her knees buckled, he swept her up and carried her to the bedroom. Her bed was too small to even allow for both of them to lay on it side by side, but one on top of the other would do just fine. He set her on the edge of the bed, and as soon as he settled beside her she climbed astride his lap and smashed her lips to his in another heated kiss. There was no resistance on his part this time. His hands flew to her hips to keep her steady atop him while hers held his shoulders firmly for balance. This kiss was nothing like their previous tender embraces - it was a passionate, fevered kiss that she poured all of her desire into. She made known how badly she wanted him with her lips and tongue.

How long had she been feeling like this, her needs unmet only to build to the point of bursting? As much as he wanted to try to think back to see if there were signs he might have missed, he couldn't very well think when her mouth broke from his and latched onto the sensitive skin of his neck, kissing and nipping like it was sustenance to her hungry tongue.

His gasp when her teeth teased at his flesh was followed by a needy whine; he let his head fall to the side, offering himself to her with the thoughts of resistance banished from his mind. She did for him what he'd been doing to her only moments earlier, but this time a hand in his hair pulled deliciously, turning him into little more than a mess of moans and whimpers - what she didn't know was that she had perhaps the most sensitive part of him at her mercy. The common tongue was lost on him - he couldn't speak if he tried. When she grew tired of punishing the delicate skin of his neck, she tried to push his coat and blouse from his shoulders and he discarded them quickly and unceremoniously.

"See? You're learning quickly," she commented breathlessly as her hands now wandered the expanse of his chest, fingers combing through the short hair before following the trail down his torso to the hem of his pants.

Her hands stopped and made him want to growl in defiance, but she had abandoned her path to pull at the ties keeping her own blouse closed then pushed the loose fabric from her shoulders to bare herself before him. If she ever wore a brazier, it wasn't there, and this time he did growl, but with lust. It was the first time she'd heard him emit such a beastly sound, but he could smell the arousal on her like a cheap perfume. Despite his growing impatience, he managed to tear his eyes from her breasts to beg permission with his gaze.

"Go ahead. They're all yours."

With her blessing, he finally took to tending to her pleasure with his own mouth, first placing hard kisses to her neck and chest before dragging his tongue across one of her pert nipples. He was but one man, but he was gifted with two hands, both of which moved from her hips to her chest and covered her plump breasts appreciatively. She moaned her approval, a hand returning to his hair as he dove in to enclose one of her rosy buds with his lips. Though he wanted nothing more than to lose himself to his base desires, he reined in control so as not to scare or harm her and hopefully make this moment last. His tongue and teeth were gentle against her sensitive flesh, but he would then suckle hard to draw out long cries that stirred his growing want into almost desperation.

When he finally pulled his head from her fair bosom, he kissed her full on the lips then helped her finish removing her blouse. With the strength with which his kind was gifted, though she was very light to him regardless of that, he lifted her up off of his lap to lay her on her bed and hover just above her.

"Zeg me dat je me wilt," he panted against her, his lips once again at her neck as he awaited her response, not realizing that he'd reverted back to Nazairi in his lust-addled state.

"Dettlaff, I don't understand you." She too was breathless, but between her words, she gave him almost a squeak of pleasure each time he nipped at her. With a frustrated grunt, he lifted himself up only enough to lock eyes with her.

"Do you want me." He didn't ask, he demanded.

"What kind of a question is that?"

"I will not touch you if you do not answer." His words were a bit slower as he struggled to think straight long enough to translate words in his head.

Leonore rolled her eyes. "Of course I want you."

Without another word, he kissed her again, drawing her delighted moans into his mouth as his hand deftly removed her skirt. He pulled away again to tug it off of her, though he'd have much preferred to rip it off with how impatient he was.

Once the offending article was discarded, Dettlaff stood back to view his work. Her pale skin was rosy across her face, shoulders, and chest. Goosebumps erupted along her arms and legs with them being exposed to the cool air. She had bothered to wear undergarments, but the damp little scrap of cloth did little to hide her arousal from him. Overall, she was a work of art - a true masterpiece - but she was unfinished, and as her artist he would see to it that she be made complete by his hands.

Originally, he hoped to take his time with her to savor every curve and blemish that her body had to offer him, but he was too far gone to care about such niceties now. The way she teased and goaded him with her body and her moans were drudging up that deep desire and need for release that came with having no one for so long. He was getting desperate.

Her underwear was discarded with the rest of her clothing, soon followed by what remained of his. He could feel her eyes appraise his body; the way she chewed her lower lip and unconsciously allowed her thighs to part for him told him all he needed to know. His body covered hers, both of them feeling warm to the touch with their burning desire. Almost instinctively, her legs wrapped about him, welcoming him to bypass formalities and sink himself into her with a smooth, fluid thrust.

Nothing in this world or any others could feel as good to him as this woman beneath him. Her gasp then sigh as he seated himself in her fully only served to make his heart flutter in his chest. For a moment he stilled, waiting for her to tell him that she was okay. The answer he received was the press of her hips into his, and so he finally moved against her. The pleasure he felt was inexplicable. There was a time when he thought he felt this with his past lover, but even she hadn't made him feel so loved as the little beauty beneath him.

He watched her face while he moved inside her, noting each little change in her expression with each shift of pace and angle. When she cried out in her euphoria, he pressed harder, faster, evoking that cry again and again until he was certain she was so close to coming undone. The need he felt for her and her moans turned his desire into molten metal - searing hot and heavy in his loins as he strove to push her over the proverbial peak where lay her release.

Then, her back arched, pressing her chest into him like she could become one with him if she only tried. The tightening of her core around him made him groan, but he only paused briefly to allow her time to ride out her ecstasy before seeking his own pleasure next. His internal struggle to at least refrain from causing her discomfort was soon becoming external as he gripped the covers on either side of her head, his arms trembling and sharp nails puncturing holes into her bedding as he fought to keep from snapping like the monster he felt he truly was. He had to shut his eyes as he tempered each thrust of his hips, trying so desperately to refrain from causing his woman - his - any harm.

Her soft voice, quavering under the intense pressure of her once more building pleasure, brought him out of his head.

"Please, Dettlaff.. T-take me.. Just let go." His name on her lips broke something within him. With renewed vigor and a determination to bring her over the edge of glory once more, he allowed his control to slip further.

The power behind each push of his hips was nothing compared to his true capabilities, but he feared all of the resolve he had to protect her was lost in favor of setting a bruising pace in her. Her nails dug into his shoulders, making his fangs itch to sink into her, to mark her, claim her. Instead, he dug his teeth into his palm, the taste of his own blood deterring him from trying to taste hers.

"Ahh, don't you dare, hahh, hide your moans from me," Leonore groaned, her hand only removing itself from his shoulder to pull his own from his mouth. As soon as she had, a flurry of swears poured from his lips, all of which she couldn't understand a syllable. He buried is face in her shoulder, his breath hot against her skin.

"Ik- Ahhh, ik hou van jou." His words were strained, his whole being quivering as he pushed against his release, pouring his strength and will into making himself last as long as he could.

His grunts and groans devolved into debauched moans and needy whimpers.

"M-mijn liefje, mijn hart--" He cut himself off with a low cry.

Their moans intermingled into a symphony of pleasure, his own release bringing about hers. Unable to keep it at bay any longer, he spilled himself inside her with a few final presses of his hips into hers.

She whimpered against him as he struggled to keep his weight off of her, but her bed wasn't quite large enough to allow for both of them to lay on it together. Despite his body being temporarily sapped of energy - mostly thanks to his restraint - he gathered Leonore's spent form into his arms and lifted her. It took minimal effort, but after their exertion, he wanted to move as little as possible. With his lover pressed firmly against him, he laid back down with her body draped across his. The movement caused his softening member to slip from her, but she made no indication of discomfort.

Both of them breathed heavily, though Dettlaff recovered much quicker than Leonore did. Soon he was gently running his clawed hand through her locks while she was content to lay and comb her fingers through the hair on his chest. Neither said anything for a while until she recovered enough to push herself up and gaze up at him lovingly.

"How do you feel?" he asked, his voice thick with emotion. The way the sunlight shone in from her window onto her tangled hair and flushed face made his heart tighten.

"Amazing." She seemed to be dazed but pleased.

"Did I hurt you..?" His tone did little to mask his trepidation, but she shook her head, the blissful smile still on her face.

"Of course not. I would tell you if you had."

That provided immense relief; he would have been incredibly hard on himself if he ever did anything to cause her pain.

"Good. I never wish to harm you."

He smiled when she leaned upward to kiss him tenderly. Their kiss was short and sweet, but with her naked body draped across his, he could feel the familiar stirring in his groin. It didn't go unnoticed, made apparent when Leonore shot him a coy smirk and ground her hips into his.

"Again? Is that a vampire trait, or do you just get excited easily?"

"Mmh, I have more stamina than mortals do, and I recover from most anything with relative ease."

"So what you're saying is that we can go all night long..?"

He paused before answering, but only because she effectively stunned him with her brazen reply. Well, if she truly wanted to keep going, who was he to stop? With how she was running her hands over his body, he wouldn't even be able to stop either of them if he tried.

"If you think you are feeling well enough for it." It would give him the chance to show her the true extent of his love and desire for her.

"Oh I am." She would prove as much until dawn.

#dettlaff #dettlaff van der eretein #my tales #oc #ufw #it finally happened #it took like almost ten chapters to get here #i don't think this is gonna end very soon #oof too many ideas

26 notes · View notes

heather-in-heels · 6 years ago

Text

getting the hell out of student loan debt

I lost my job at the tail end of 2014. I always remember, in vivid detail, spending the week after New Year’s at the airport waiting for a 7 AM flight. Happy 2015 to me! I didn’t have a job. I didn’t have an income. I was on my way to moving back in with my parents. Days prior, I had sold off most of my possessions and gave away the rest to a local Goodwill. And I was returning home saddled with student loans totaling then at $56k.

It felt like I had single-handedly destroyed my life. In retrospect, I think losing that job was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I was home, sheltered and surrounded by loved ones. I was able to mentally regroup again. In between submitting resumes and job applications, I started writing in the advertising space which later ballooned into a big column. Later that year, I went back to work again full-time.

I had more or less resigned myself in 2015 to the idea that my student loan debt would kind of be there forever. That changed in 2016, once I was working again and back on my feet. I started thinking critically about how I wanted to repay my loans. The minimum monthly payments, stretched across seven loans, totaled $653 a month. It was like a drop of water in a bucket. The account stagnated at $56k and didn’t move.

The only way out of this debt was to work, the hardest in my life, and to sacrifice everything. And I did it, to pay off $56k in under a year in full.

Let me share an important disclaimer now: I’m not rich. I believe money is a fluid object, I’m willing to work hard, and I love a good investment. Education is an example of a great investment. Since I first shared this story, I’ve noticed former colleagues examining my LinkedIn profile like hawks. I know it’s because of the dollar sign attached to an extremely tight timeline. I suppose it’s understandable. When you do a great thing, a successful thing, people want to know how you did it. But most don’t want to put in the work. They want the cheat codes.

The answer I made readily visible on social media the entire time! I was working. I worked nonstop. Working allowed me to create a series of nest eggs for myself. I lined them up in a row, knowing I needed each and every egg to go all in with my loan attack plan. I didn’t have much time, either. In mid-2016, I knew I wanted to stop making minimum payments and start full repayments in 2018.

I had two thoughts going in:

1) I was convinced I could repay everything under the 10-year loan timeframe.

2) I would later set a bet for myself, inspired by a conversation with a late friend in 2018, that I could do this, all of it, in under a year.

So, I had less than two years to prepare. Fun!

Rather than run through the laundry list of all the financial mistakes I made prior to hitting reset on my life (you name it, I did it), I’d like to share the best and worst things that happened to me during my repayment period.

BEST

I received an incredible bonus from my side hustle last year. It was for an event I worked myself brittle to the bone for months on top of my full-time job. I remembered being so nervous, thinking the event would be a bust. We sold out. It was a huge success. The bonus wasn’t something I asked for, just a thank you from my boss. I cried when I got it because it cleared one of my loans in full. It changed my life.

How quickly I shifted gears into thinking, believing, knowing I could do this. Once I got into the head space and knew what I had to do, I was ready to go all in.

The ever-present daily support, encouragement, and love from my friends and family. I don’t know how I would have done it without them. I really don’t. The core family unit was there for the good, bad, and ugly. My Mom encouraging me to pay off the largest loan first and my three brothers telling me not to give up. And the crazy pep talk my Dad gave me in late April that convinced me I could run up to my remaining loans like an unhinged, insane person and blow them up to smithereens.

He called me his champion after I was done. That made my year.

WORST

Deferring and defaulting on my loans when I didn’t have a job. (AKA the “all is lost” moment.)

Repaying the private loan of $26k. It was the biggest loan with the largest interest rate. My Mount Everest. You had to scale it bit by bit. I have likened the memory of it to chipping at a block of ice to create a sculpture. Every month, I threw a few grand at that loan while I tried to take out the little guys around it. It gradually decreased to around $12k and I paid it off in full then. This was not a fast process.

The massive wildfire I lived through during the bulk of repayments. That was like watching the “hold my beer” meme come to life. I joke about it now, but the Woolsey Fire was an absolute catastrophe. I had no way of knowing when I got into the thick of my loan repayments that I would be confronted with a natural disaster that came dangerously close to burning down my home. It was extremely scary to evacuate and watch your world hang in the balance for nearly a week. During the Woolsey Fire, I had no choice but to return to minimum repayments. I needed an emergency fund just in case — and this was the greatest emergency.

Doing it alone. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think I always knew I would be alone for this. I didn’t have cosigners. A white knight spouse was not going to save me. I had to do it for “her.” I had to rely on myself for everything, harder than anything I’ve ever done in my life. And even though I went in as prepared as I possibly could have, I did not get out of this without being mentally and physically impacted.

The sheer amount of discipline involved was far too intense. You had to be determined, disciplined, optimistic, and driven at all times. There wasn’t time to rest. I was frantically trying to kill an impossible enemy and keep up the pacing all the time. The physical toll on my health was bad. Very bad. I developed anxiety that impacted my gastrointestinal health and had to take medication to calm my stomach down. I think it will be some time yet before everything gets better internally.

The mental toll was perhaps worse. Everything about my day to day life was a series of dollar signs. I was perpetually at war in my mind where I fantasized about stopping to rest in the snow, but every bit of me screamed “DON’T DO IT GET UP!!!” Because, y’know, when you nap in the snow, you can die there.

I had all of these brain cells telling me to keep pushing ahead coupled with an insane range of emotions running through my head. The stress I was under was crippling. I cried during dinner with a friend last month. Straight up sobbing in public for over 30 minutes, unable to turn it off. It overpowered me.

I was so exhausted, on edge, and full of emotions. I couldn’t do anything about it — like get therapy or sign up for a yoga class — because that costs money. I wasn’t about to incur a credit card balance of any kind in my quest for financial freedom.

So yeah, it was a real mess upstairs. All alone... with my loans.

Would it ever end?

Paying My Loans Alone Might Have Been The Best Thing To Happen To Me

Yeah, you read that right.

I kept reminding myself about the why. Constantly. Asking myself little questions when the going was the roughest.

Why are you doing this? Because I don’t want to celebrate my 32nd birthday with a student loan statement.

Why are you doing this? Because I want my credit score to improve.

Why are you doing this? Because you can’t tell me I made the wrong decision to get an education.

Why are you doing this? Because I am in love with myself and will not let that girl get hurt.

Why are you doing this? Because I am losing my future to debt and I know it.

The more I kept doing this, asking questions and answering them, the more I realized that the answers contained really important granular details.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to grow old with student loans (although let’s be real — I didn’t). I was, and still am, changing on the inside. I knew it. This was an entire chapter of my life that needed to come to a close because keeping it going was preventing every other chapter from beginning. Sitting around with it was, essentially, my long death in the snow. On a less serious note, I’m fond of the pop culture tie-in. Game of Thrones is ending this month... and so did my loan payments.

I’d say it’s bittersweet, but it’s not. I’m not going to miss this part of my life. It’s time for the next chapter to start. If anything, I cannot wait for this part! This chapter will contain more journeys and adventures, unlike any other narrative I had before.

I want to write a book, something non-fiction that has multiple drafts on my desktop and has been a work in progress for years.

i want to get a ton of dental work. Priority number one.

I want to travel. I forgot how much I like to go to places! Italy and Monte Carlo, please. Miami for Ultra 2020. Travel will beget another kind of movement, too.

I plan to aggressively pursue true love to the extent I did with my loan repayments. In terms of personal goals, this one is going to be huge. After 10 years of dating, it’s time to get out of this single person clown car. I’m enlisting the help of my girlfriends, paying for eHarmony, and deleting the free dating apps for the real thing. Calling all soulmates — I’m debt free now and did it all on my own. That’s hot! (Serious inquiries only.)

Paying off my loan allowed me to return to my dreams. Now that I know what I’m capable of, I feel confident I can reach each one. I really do.

Living starts when you get the hell out of student debt. Do whatever it takes now, remember to keep asking yourself about the “why,” and do not give up until you’re running past the finish line.

Be your own champion!

#personal #student loans

8 notes · View notes

alliebruns-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Races, Recces and Adventures for 2019

First off SORRY FOR NOT DOING BLOGS (to the 3 people that read them)

2019 has already been quite the year. Let’s get the excuses in, shall we? I have finally moved out of London to lovely sleepy Somerset – home of the Mendips, hills and lots of cows. The running here is ace and I feel like I have finally shaken off the horror of 23 years in London. But it’s a big change – the first month I felt like I was on a different planet – then I had to find work (you know that thing that actually pays you?) So I took a step back from internets for a bit.

Another reason for lack of bloggage. It seems I have been writing them for everyone else but me this year. For some reason my inbox went a bit mad and I’ve been asked to write pieces, blogs and interviews for a Bulgarian Travel and Adventure Magazine (apparently I am going to be on the cover?!), Run Deep, Precision Hydration, Lessons in Badassery, Dure, Red Bull and Trail Running Magazine. Plus, I have to do my day job. And look after 4 dogs. And a 9 year-old (not mine but sort of is mine now….) and a man human. Jokes. He’s looking after me.

So what’s been going on? EVERYTHING HAS. 2019 started with BBR trotting over the The National Running Show in Birmingham where we had a stand and I gave a couple of talks. I was I the throws of a horrendous depressive episode and had to attempt to put a face on. I still wasn’t over Panama really. I think it took me about 3 months to get over it in the end. I had to do a talk on a panel about mental health and running (oh the irony) and then my own talk about running across deserts, jungles and that.

It was very difficult attempting to inspire people when I actually felt like a piece of shit. The show itself was ace and weirdly we have been asked to come back – but more on that a bit later.

I got out in January and February to do a couple of reccees for White Star Running. The weather was JOKES bad. 60mph winds and rain made for a very interesting trot along the coast.

We were checking the route for Septembers Run Jurassic races which are going to be amazing. Have a look at what’s on offer here - and rest assured that it shouldn’t be weather like this on the day…..

Then came the first race of the year - Larmer Tree Marathon in Dorset. Lest gusty with 40-50 mph winds making for another interesting run, and it was also Pickle the ultra dogs first official marathon – she loved it. Look at her little face!

Then it was off to Bulgaria to do some talking about running. Myself and David from the Bad Boy Running Podcast were asked to go and do a talk at a running expo they had there and it was MEGA fun – defo returning nest year to do the 100KM ultra they are organising – it’s BEAUTIFUL in Sofia.

Back home and it was off to Rat Race’s Ultra Tour of Arran for the second year. 62 miles over 2 days with “some” elevation (A LOT) and some demons to slay. As you know I did NOT enjoy this last year - my fear of heights and ledges almost got the better of me, but this year was different. We had about 10 Do-Badders with us and some of them were first time ultra runners, so I felt a bit like I had a duty of care to them.

As part of my role with Rat Race, I did a little talk to people about the Bucket List which was great and I managed to get round the course with the whole squad without crying. Only issue was I ended up with an eye infection that meant I couldn’t wear my contacts. This is not recommended on mountainous trails. I fell over 3 times - my knee looked like someone had gone at it with a rifle. It really knocked my confidence for trails and I have been super careful ever since. I really hate falling over.

Arran was beautiful and epic as always. I cannot recommend this race enough. Its otherworldly out there. Here are some pictures – the weather was so kind to us. If you get booking it now it’s pretty cheap – or even better register for a rat race season ticket and it sort of pays for itself!

Next up was London marathon. It was my sixth year and I wasn’t looking forward to it having only just really moved away. I used to love this race, but I had done so little in the form of road running I was dreading it a bit. So I decided to spice it up by running it in reverse to the start and then running it the right way round.I need some night running experience for later I the year so why not? I also wanted to raise money for my old friend Scott who we lost to suicide last year. If you want to give a few quid, the charity has been set up now and you can find it here.

We got up at 12am after 3 hours sleep and got our stuff together – we were running with a couple of friends starting at Birdcage walk. We decided on a 5-6 hour time as I had the real thing later on, and this was a training run ultimately. That didn’t go to plan and we ended up smashing out 20 miles in about 3 hours – meaning as we came into Greenwich everything was shut. ARGH! I need coffee! I’ve never waited for a Macdonalds to open, but that day I did! We decided to march out the last 6 miles as we had the time and my legs were already staging a protest about the relentless road pounding they were getting. Once we reached the start we headed over to a hotel on Blackheath where my amazing friend and Head of Crew™ was staying.

We had the BEST BREAKFAST EVER and got I got changed into fresh kit and then it was time to do it all over again. I forgot how much waiting about there was at London. I think I stood in the pen for about an hour, little legs seizing up, feeling cold for once. London is usually boiling. I took a minute to look around at the people running. Lots of them were doing their first and only marathon. Some of them made me want to cry. I saw a guy dressed in a bin bag looking nervous, fiddling with his headphones. He has a message scrawled on his arm in sharpie – obviously written buy one of his kids. It said “I love you daddy and I am proud of you”. He kept looking at it. It made me want to cry. Sometimes humans can be wonderful. I bumped into the legend that is Anna Mcnuff in my start pen. She wasn’t wearing any shoes. Brilliant. She’s running the length of Britain barefoot so was a training run. I had SO MANY QUESTIONS but she seemed very cool about the whole thing. She really is relentlessly cheerful, that woman.

Then we were off. I felt pretty good considering the fact I had already done it once that day. As always there were huge crowds and bottlenecks and I was running a lot faster than I had done in a while. You can’t help it at London. You kind of get swept along. I was very wary of eating and drinking – I hadn’t eaten much during the night run and I am used to picnics on ultras now. I tried to take it easy but it felt easier to run at pace so I did what felt good. For once I wasn’t wearing a pack and it’s amazing how much that frees you to go a bit faster. I was relying on the water stops for all my hydration and that worked.

One of the things I really noticed about the marathon this year is the aggro. I am so used to the chilled nature of trail runners that I totally forgot about what happened in New York. Road runners can be total arseholes. There were points when I ran over to the water station, signalling I was doing so, only to be physically bashed on the shoulder by other runners and told to “move out of the fucking way”. When I take water I tend to slow down, walk at pace, finish the water and then run on. It’s pretty obvious. I walk close to the edge so people can pass me. I’m sorry but people need to have a bit more patience. Fucking idiots. ANYWAY I managed to finish in a pretty OK 4 hours 10 mins. Getting out of the mental finish area was awful as always, and I had to meet up with a couple of people because my personal hell wasn’t ending there. I had signed up to help out on a Rat Race private event for the next two days and needed to get to Richmond to drive up to Cirencester. No boozy celebrations for me! So off I went to work with 300 bankers who were out on a jolly for 3 days running, cycling and kayaking 165 miles along the Thames. Wednesday came and I had never been happier to see my bed!

Turns out road running smashed your body up a lot – especially 53 odd miles of it. My back was killing me, my legs hurt. So I did something I am not very good at – I had a bit or a rest. A few days off, runs at the weekend, went to physio. And then, two weeks later, it was time for The Ox Epic.

This is one of my favourite races of the year. Set on the Rushmore Estate in Wiltshire, its a whole weekend of camping and running courtesy of White Star Running. You can choose what race you do. Theres a 10km in the dark, a 10km in the morning, a half marathon and a 50 miler. So what did I choose? I CHOSE THEM ALL. Last year I managed to accidentally win the Epic - this year was a different story. This was a training run for something much bigger.

Once again White Star pulled it out the bag - a beautiful weekend and everything went like clockwork for me and him indoors, despite the fact we had all four dogs on site plus a 9 year old to look after. I managed to keep the same pace for all the races and not feel broken, plus I had a really nice weekend! We ran some laps with the dogs, some without, took out time at the aid stations, walked the hills and ran the flats. All in, we managed to get 76 miles in the bag over the weekend and finished knowing that we could do more. It was a chance to practice fuelling and hydration and catch up with old and new pals. Highly recommended and I will definitely be back next year - perhaps with my eyes on the prize again.

Pretty much everything that I have done in the first part of this year has been pointing towards my one A game race of the year which is happening this weekend (18-19 May). The Climb South West Devon Coast to Coast Ultra. I signed up last year on a whim. It’s 117 miles from the south coast to the north coast of Devon non-stop. This is the furthest I have run without a break, so it really is a huge deal to me to get through it. We’ve been out and about doing a couple of back to back weekend recees to see what the route is like. It’s self nav and we will run a lot of it in the dark. It runs along the Two Moors Way, across Dartmoor and Exmoor, through some horrendous terrain. There are a lot of muddy bridleways, fields and hardly any markings.

Elevation is mental – it literally feels like your going up hill all the time. It’s a really important race for me because it’s one I am not sure I can do. I have a plan A. B. C and D in place but I can’t see myself finishing in under 39 hours. Will I finish at all? Dunno. Stay tuned I guess….

So yeah, a lot has gone on so far this year, and there are some awesome plans in the pipeline for the rest of the year.

Adventure time! AGAIN!

I am resurrecting my position as Rat Race Test Pilot for 2019-2020 and doing 4 big recees this year, as well as pretty much all the events.

June sees me travel to Spain for the Sea to Summit test pilot outing. The highest mountain in mainland Spain is 80km from the coast. Our route connects a start line on a beautiful beach on the Costa Tropical to the summit of Mulhacen (3482m) via a tough 2 day running route, giving 2 marathons back to back and nearly 4000m vertical height gain. No biggie. Plus it’s going to be BOILING and we start at 2am to try and avoid the sun. This is Ben Nevis twice in a day. Fun.

August sees me trotting off to Malta for The Maltese Falcom. There are 3 islands that make up Malta. This ia a full traverse of the island chain. 3 disciplines. Run across Gozo. Kayak to Comino. Swim from Comino to Malta. Run across Malta. Hot. Historic. Warm sea. An island totally geared up for Endurance sport. And all in one day. Another world first.

In September I am off to Scotland to do something I have always dreamt off. A full coast to coast traverse of Scotland on foot. This is a west-coast-to-east-coast outing, n foot, over 6 days. The difference here is that Rat Race have devised a route that encompasses crossings of water and the use of some rivers and lochs, for which we will carry and use pack-rafts. This very unique route means we will hike or run, get to a body of water, use the raft to cross it or traverse it and then carry on by foot. An insane format in a simply stunning setting and incredibly remote area. The route goes from a starting location at Mallaig to finish just north of Inverness. This is the wildest country in the British Isles. We will be vehicle supported for some of the outing; and then self-contained (pack on back) for a significant portion of the rest. Almost 100% off-road. And in September. Be kind, weather!

October I will return to Scotland for a multi day traverse of the Outer Hebrides. Another dream event. It is around 150 miles from the bottom to top of this rugged island archipelago off the West Coast of Scotland. We will attempt this journey over 6 days. We’ve not quite worked out the logistics on this (have I not learnt anything from Panama??) But I am SO EXCITED TO DO IT!

In November I am travelling back to Namibia to crew for the Race to the Wreck event. That means I get to see the beauty of the desrt from the crew vehicle with a bit of running, but most importantly, it means I get to encourage, help and inspire people to complete the crossing. I would like to thank Rat Race for constantly believing me and allowing me to do these awesome things. I am one lucky piglet.

Also here’s a thing – if you fancy joining me on any of these funtime recees then you can – just drop me an email here for more details.

I am also doing a few other things in between mega adventures to keep up the training and fly the flag for Rat Race and White Star. There’s the Dorset Invader Marathon, the Man Vs Series, the Run Jurassic Series, Ultra Tour of Edinburgh, not to mention my first Threshold event at Race To the King. Basically it’s BUSY. But I am happy. And that’s the most important thing.

Finally – big announcement – Bad Boy Running are thrilled to have been asked to curate a new section at The National Running Show 2020. We have been given the honour of curating the Ultra Zone – a brand new zone that focuses completely on Ultras. We have our own stage, our own guests and our own talks and panels, We are in charge. We will be announcing out line up in the next month or so but if I were you I would get your tickets NOW because you DO NOT want to miss this. You can get your free ones here using my code AMB18. We have some of the biggest names in Ultra running confirmed and it’s going to be mega. You can register for your free ticket here. Massive thank to Mike for believing in us (and trusting us – he may regret this….)

I’m also going to try and bet better at this blogging thing – I have a lot to write about so not short on material – it’s just the time. Having said that I am happy to write for anyone else that fancies it. Just drop me a line and I will take a look at it. So yeah. That’s it. Whirlwind update done. See you next week. If I survive.

3 notes · View notes