#i cannot ignore it and it hits me like a truck every episode

[buff-borf-bork]

Why is season 4 Luthor just how Markiplier plays an exaggerated caricature of himself in the with Markiplier series

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#30)

5x07–aka the return of rivalry week, oh my!

under the cut ya go:

Omg Jess wants to work at a football camp?! So precious!

Why is Buddy here with equipment looking for outlets? OMG they’re keeping watch of the field to keep anyone from doing the shit they did with tooth picks and trucks and such last rivalry week?!?! Lmaooo

OMG JASON’S HERE??? I almost forgot about this dude, aw his kid is doing well! That’s lovely. Aw Eric gave him a Lions hat and he’s married and is a successful agent? So proud!

“You know, people are talking about you, there’s a lot of heat.” OMG Jason got a call about Eric?!?! Wow I think I’m starting to see where the endgame is going for this show.

“We ALMOST got the daughter out of the house.” Lol.

Oh geez Vince’s dad being excited makes me nervous. How did he get these nice ass sneakers I am sus

HE GOT IT FROM TMU?? That’s def illegal honey no no

Oh good Vince seems to know he can’t take them. Although I SMELL CONFLICT

Oh god the dad’s moving in permanently? I’m as concerned as Jess is right now.

LionHater.com??? Omg there’s no internet where they’re watching the field. 😂 Oh shit they know about Vince’s record? “He’s got a football team full of violent criminals.” Oh you racists were looking for an excuse to unleash your vitriol on these poor kids who have criminal records bc they weren’t blessed to be born on the “correct” side of town! Smh.

Omg this is racist AF, this website is disgusting 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes Eric, run into the panthers boosters club and rip them a new one!!!

And yes, Tami, make Julie help out and pay her dad back for the car, absolutely! She needs to face some consequences and not be too comfy at home.

Eric is right, the Panthers are trying to get in their heads—and in the most insidious, racist/classist way possible!

“You think if the colleges see that stuff they’re still gonna call? They’re still gonna want me?” Ohh Vince nooo. Eric saying it’s not gonna matter feels...overly optimistic.

“It doesn’t matter how many games we win, how many touchdowns i throw, all they see is a bunch of thugs, Coach. Everybody thinks it but they never say it.” UGH yes fuck me UP, young Michael B. Jordan! I’m emotional!

Aww Luke and Becky flirting while Becky’s with the baby and Billy is in the backyard training with Luke LOL

Oh god Billy’s advice for Luke wooing Becky by ignoring her is....bad!

Luke didn’t know Mindy works at the landing strip? “She still works there? Part time? Like weekends?” Lol

Luke don’t listen to him! Bad advice!

“Let’s have a barbecue.” “A barbecue?” “A morale-building barbecue.” Lol I love Eric’s disbelief at Tami’s suggestion considering all the drama the last time this bbq happened lol

Omg Jason Street gave a college Eric’s number? OH SHIT for a college HEAD COACH JOB? Damn!

Poor dejected Vince 🥺 “I feel like I’m playing with a fixed deck, Pop.” YOU AREEE ugh

Vince’s dad has been talking to schools all day??? That’s like explicitly what Eric told him not to do omfg

“I ain’t gonna let you fall.” That was a sweet childhood Vince anecdote but I don’t believe Vince’s dad one bit.

Lol Tami is making Julie go shopping for a 300 person BBQ?! Hilarious.

Eric and Tami annoying the living shit out of Julie in the hopes she’ll go back to school seems like a great plan they’re doing here!

This makeshift gym in Billy’s backyard with the baby strapped to his chest drinking while Luke works out I cannot 😂

“Oh some of it didn’t blend correctly” Billy says as Luke pulls a huge leaf out his mouth after drinking his smoothie omfgggg I’m dead

Oh geez Vince’s dad is talking him up to Jason? Wild.

Aw Jess is so nervous about her recommendation letter. Eric called the coach for her? Aw!

“Somewhere you’re comfortable, somewhere that’s a good fit.” Awww Jason that’s a wholesome answer to Vince’s dad being so extra with Coach.

Helppppp this is so cringe, he’s like straight up heckling Eric and his rep as kingmaker.. “You got a problem there, right?” “I sure do.” Jason really is all grown up.

Aw what a nice bbq! Julie and Jason catching up!

Oh god Luke is really straight up ignoring Becky and flirting with Julie??? Ugh I hate this.

Vince’s mom is celebrating too soon about this repaired Vince-dad relationship.

Yes Eric, confront Vince’s dad! It’s time! Now he’s just straight up saying he “doesn’t remember it like that” about the agreement the three of them made. Smh.

Oh geez is Vince’s dad like lowkey threatening Eric 😬

Oh wow Tami is going up to Burleson to get Julie’s assignments and books?! Geez. “While you’re up there why don’t you tell them they’ve got a teacher sleeping around with the students?” TRUE

“Thanks for setting up the bbq and everything. Thanks for what you do, thanks for our two beautiful daughters. Thank you for doing the laundry.” —Eric Taylor, teaching all men how to be a husband. my heart! Lmaooo then he said “do you wanna fool around?” after and then she said yes but fell asleep on him instead I’m dead

AH Tami comes face to face with the TA!!!!!! I literally yelled OH MY GOD when he said he was the TA Derek!!

“I’m here to pick up an independent study for Julie Taylor.” AHHHH “How is she?” YOU DONT HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW, FUCKFACE!

This is so cringe omfg

Yeah Derek feel bad you preyed on SOMEONE’S DAUGHTER

“I’m gonna mash up every bone in his body.” Lol Luke trying to sound aggressive is so funny.

Luke is being so RUDE to Becky Jesus I hate this

Ew Jason hyping up the Panthers, I get that it’s his team but blech they’re all such douchebags now.

Oh god did Luke act too aggressive? That dude is not getting up....

“Another big hit from Luke Cafferty, who’s bringing the pain.” Lol “these boys just do not like each other.” I mean they don’t call it rivalry week for nothing!

Yeeesh Vince’s dad in the stands with the recruiter watching the game is so cringe, ah!

“Calm down they’re having fun.” Excuse me Billy? I’m taking back all my praise for him from last episode. Grow up Billy god!!!!

Omg Vince is switching the offense bc his dad told him to....? Oh god

“A good ol fashioned Texas butt whooping.”

“There is no love lost here.” “That’s not who we are, Eric.” WHOA identity crisis on the field. These kids were triggered by everyone in town basically calling them thugs which is frankly understandable but WOW

Oh wow Eric is yelling at Vince. Oh shit his dad is in his HEAD. “He’s looking out for me!” then immediately into the “EAST SIDE” chants.

“No I mean like what are you DOING?” Thanks Becky! Luke is acting weird af!!!!!!

“You like it when I’m nice to you???” Luke is genuinely confused. “Ok I’m so sorry. Someone told me if I wanted you to like me, I had to ignore you and blow you off.”

Aw yes they like each other! Cute! KISSSSS! At least something positive happened this episode!

He’s laughing and saying “it totally worked” um no NOT THE CORRECT TAKEAWAY lol

Yesss Tami walking in and revealing she didn’t go to the game by dropping all of Julie’s college books on the coffee table, baller mom move!

“Did you talk to Derek. What did he say?” “You need to study.” LOLSAME Tami, stop thinking about this asshole, Julie!

“All those penalties, all that smack talk.” Damn etiquette really matters! Now coach Taylor’s rep is on the line?!

“Don’t feel like celebrating tonight” says the other old school coach. Damn.

Anddd Vince and his dad are talking to a recruiter openly. Wow! What a show!

[kob131]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4DPZGlNP8I

I was watching MangaKamen’s video deconstructing Cvit’s Persona 5: Style Over Substance video and I...I just couldn’t watch it. Basically, Kamen’s own videos on RWBY and Cvit’s Persona 5 video are way too similar (in that both make logical fallacies just to avoid their assumptions.) So, despite covering this briefly, I’ll do it in full here.

And if MangaKamen himself sees this: You can’t keep responding to people, criticizing them for stuff that you do yourself. I literally couldn’t listen to your video on Cvit because of the hypocrisy. Stick to your own standards: people respect you more for it.

P.S. Don’t create a circlejerk in the reblogs and replies. I do not have the patience for it today.

Before I begin, I should point out a small bit of hypocrisy. In his “Cvit Doesn’t Understand Video”, he complains about an influx of videos all about going into unnecessary details about how X things suck, calling it the ‘Joseph Anderson effect.’ I bring this up because one of the videos he brings up is The Cosmonaut Variety Hour’s video on Kingdom Hearts (which is, being generous, 22 minutes.) MangaKamen’s video is, again generously, 38 minutes. And I do mean generaously because I automatically rounded up Cosmonaut’s and rounded down Kamen’s videos. I don’t think he should be complaining about that. 

While you could argue he was also complaining about the title as well: A. Kamen’s first RWBY video was literally titled “Whats Wrong With RWBY?!” with a title saying “Here’s why RWBY Sucks” in big bold letters. B. His video makes fun of people who are there to disagree with his title and nothing else and C. I watched Cosmonaut’s video on Kingdom Hearts: He’s actually more positive towards Kingdom hearts 3 than Kamen is to RWBY.

This is a small microcosism of he issue with his hypocrisy: it ends up affecting the quality of other videos too.

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His first section is on ‘contrivances’ or ‘things that happen in a story that don’t make sense’. Before he even gives a true example, we run into yet another problem with Kamen. In his explanation, Kamen mocks the scene were Jaune gets hit on by the mothers of the kids he’s helping with an image of Miles Luna saying ‘Remember, NOT a self-insert!’.

Issue? The episode wasn’t written by Miles Luna, it was written by Eddy Rivas. How do I know?

The episode says so. This is especially egregious because he chews Cvit out for just typing in “Persona 5 sucks” into google and saying a certain source popped up...and yet typing in “Miles Luna Jaune Arc Self Insert” would actually bring up something that outright shows Miles is self conscious about Jaune to the point of avoiding his scenes (https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/7x3w4s/crwby_ama_w_miles_luna_kerry_shawcross_and_paula/du5dnc6/?context=3). So while Cvit may have been looking for evidence instead of thinking critically: he at least took the effort of doing a search result whereas Kamen probably made an on the spot decision with no sources whatsoever. Combine this with the fact this is not the first time he’s taken potshots at Miles and you have an effectively WORSE version of what he says Cvit did.

“But this is just a joke!” Yeah, and Sham-Amon was a joke about M. Night Shamalyan by Doug Walker. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t an insult and was correct (Shamalyan was actually a reason why the Airbender movie even RESEMBLED the cartoon.) That doesn’t make this okay, especially since I know a similar ‘joke’ towards someone he’s a fan of would get you a video made on you.

Now onto one of his examples: He says it makes no sense for Robyn to be allowed to run for Atlas’ council because ‘she is stealing supplies from the government.’ Issue is: judging by the footage he’s using, he’s talking about Volume 7 Episode 5 “Sparks” where Robyn created a blockade and stopped a supply truck Qrow, Clover, Penny and Ruby were on. She never actually makes a move to steal the supplies in the episode though. While you could argue it wwas implied because she had people behind them hiding behind camoflague-

In his Cvit video, he criticized the guy for saying that we don’t know how long Futaba’s friend was abused by her parents when Cvit makes the argument that the friend was abused for over a decade, never entertaining other possibilities. You know, what he does. (P.S. Sparks is the same episode with the Jaune-Mothers ‘joke’.)

He uses this faulty and hypocritical point to jump off into how it would be a bad look for her to steal from the government even if it was for a good cause and that most government prevent people from running because of this. See, not only is this still based on a point even Kamen would argue is not enough- The context in the scene (that Mantle hates Atlas government and Robyn’s platform is based off that discontent...Huh) would show that even if she was stealing, it would HELP her image. As for the ‘governments prevent people convicted of theft for running for office’- She hasn’t stolen anything yet STILL. Also, in his Cvit video, he complains about a point where Cvit’s source edited out preceding text to make the phrasing of a certain textbox look extremely awkward. So again, hypocrisy.

Then we have...another shitty joke. A really bad one too. It’s the scene with Weiss and Winter talking the training room with the audio taken out and speech bubbles that say ‘Why are we just staring at each other?’ ‘I dunno...just to look cool?’. Not only is this blatantly not what is happening (you can tell their heads are bobbing from talking), I literally cannot take this ‘joke’ any other way than a malicious potshot at the show. It doesn’t function any other way. I’m trying to be calm and concise but this stuff really harms any benefit of doubt I can give.

His next point is-Oh god damnit, the fucking Penny frame up AGAIN. You know what is more frustrating than a shitty point? A shitty point repeated ad nauseum. Before Kamen even made this video, I had already argued every single perspective of this. There’s literally nothing new he can give?

Security? We never see how Tyrian got in and considering his immense agility and stealth: he could snuck in or hid in the warehouse.

Fanaus night vision? Not all Fanaus have night vision and most of the crowd was seen trying to rush out of the warehouse (during a scene Kamen shows no less). He also says the show alludes to Atlas being a racially biased system...even though Jacques Schnee says he pays all his workers equally (AKA he treats all his workers like shit.)

Scrolls? Again, most of the people are shown trying to run away and no one who remains is said to have brought their scrolls.

Break in the argument for a smug laugh even though all he’s done is repeat other people’s failed arguments. (Issue with either being bitch basic with your arguments or copying others? I’ll have fought the issue long before you make it.)

Ends with saying “When the lights come back on, there’s no blood on Penny’s blades!” (Cognitive bias against Atlas. Like say, calling a character a self insert over a scene that wasn’t written by the person.)

He goes onto say that this is just the latest example of contrived writing but because his points are all faulty, it doesn’t come across as contrived: it comes across as normal but Kamen is too focused on making everything look as bad as possible.

“But what about Robyn’s Semblance?!”

I dunno, why do people say that the Covington Catholic kids are still racist when we have proof otherwise? Cognitive bias is a thing. Robyn wouldn’t try testing this (even assuming she COULD since it would be logical Penny just ran off after this in fear) because it al ready confirms her own biases.

His whole temper tantrum here is all based on around pure logic...something he himself has argued against in media. This thing goes on and on and it just test my paitence and gives me more and more reason to assume Kamen isn’t just missing info, he’s indulging in willful ignorance.

Then we have him bitching about Yang and Blake telling Robyn what is going on and how it’s contrived that they would think that Robyn was on their side since she hasn’t done anything good. Issue? This is all based on KAMEN’S perspective. A perspective that, at best, is heavily biased against Robyn.

Thing is, Robyn’s thefts (which began AFTER he said they did) were to help repair the break in Mantle’s wall protecting them from the Grimm, something Team RWBY agrees with. Of course they’d assume Robyn is a good guy since she’s acting in the interests of the people, something they do as well. Robyn’s only bad when you completely ignore how James brushes over the current struggles of the people is elected to protect and serve in order for his bigger picture, a method they don’t agree with. Something the show is showing isn’t a good idea as people see him as uncaring and unfeeling to their struggles. 

“But Ironwood has been helping them!”

Cool. That has nothing to do with him alienating his own allies through his paranoia, causing Yang and Blake try and make peace with Robyn themselves. There’s also the fact that the team should be opposing this. After all, it’s the same thing Ozpin did to them and they chewed him out over it. And unlike with the lying to Ironwood, there would be no hints that this hypocrisy would be intended by the showrunners. So Kamen is literally advocating for bad writing here.

This was added in post edit by the way so the man literally shoved in a point that does nothing but push the theory he is biased without ever considering what is necessary in the show. Even though he demands it from others. It’s really inconsistent. Dare I say...the standards are contrived?

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Next is the ‘design work’ part. He’s says this is gonna be positive for a moment and it does lack his usual malice. Doesn’t mean it’s good.

He criticizes the designs of the main cast besides Ruby. He says that Blake’s design now emphasizes the color white despite supposedly being black before. Issue is that her alternate Vol.2 and Vol.4 designs also emphasized the color white and her original design has equal part black and white. Weiss’s is supposedly that her dark blue dominates her design and is too busy to be elegant. Issue is that it’s only on the jacket and it’s mostly the same color as her previous design (even having more white.) As for being elegant: I could definitely argue it goes for a military-esque elegance. And Yang is...too brown? Uh...her original outfit was dominated by being brown.

He praises Ruby’s for still having it’s red coloring but...it’s too red. Her original design was actually closer to being goth than Blake’s and was mostly black with bright red frills and her signature cloak. And her hair has drastically changed, like he complained about with Blake.  He really shouldn’t be giving Ruby a pass here.

I have nothing to say about his point ‘they’re all too busy.’ I feel like any side I take will be too heavily influenced by my own feelings at this point.

He complains about the logic behind the long fabrics being easy to grab onto and says that because they justified the new outfits with ‘it’s cold’ they should listen here. Issue- Not only are these two different trains of logic but by his own arguments, he should be arguing for all of them to wear white and wear bulky armor since that’s logical as well, following his logic. He doesn’t set what the limit should be.

Honestly this whole part is just kind of fluff. A lot of nothing was said and kind of feels like it was put in just to make the argument ‘Well I said something nice about RWBY!’

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Next up is ‘consistency’. ... Oh god.

“Aura was rewritten!’ He never cites what happened here but I know this dance so well I could get paid for it. Aura has always been a thing you needed to activate, back in Volume 1 where Jaune was cut by a branch and Pyrrha said ‘why don’t you use your aura?’. The supposed inconsistency comes from WOR: Aura saying it was passive even though certain definitions and uses of passive work under these examples. He also says that people cant use their Semblances when they run out of Aura but they still do, citing that old example of Yang’s Aura flickering in her character short. Flickering, not breaking. Meaning she still has Aura.

He also adds in that point about the WOR Atlas saying that the cold of Solitas killed the Grimm. While they are depicted as freezing here, it should be noted that the Grimm have been known to evolve and adapt. Meaning they could have easily evolved to withstand the cold. Again, editing out context which he says is bad.

“Hey, Miles. Kerry. You ever gonna acknowledge what you showed in the World of Remnant again these days?”

Dunno, are you ever gonna acknowledge what you say in your own videos? Glass houses Kamen.

I also find it funny that he calls out the ‘it’s just a cartoon!’ thing out of nowhere on a tangent even as he previously blocked me over this. Apparently contrivance is okay if it can be used as a shield. And if he has a problem with this, look over your videos not even just the RWBY ones You have said harsher- deal with it.

He goes onto criticize the argument of not all Fanaus have night vision because of specific moments...with Blake and Sun, only two Fanaus. In fact, the first example has him say that Blake and Sun used their night vision to escape a White Fang meeting. ... White Fang. Fanaus. He’s trying to argue that this is a case of Blake and Sun having night vision to contrast when she apparently ‘doesn’t’ but never notices that his own argument kind of confirms what the show said.

Then we have his other example of Blake against Illa were she couldn’t see Illa. A chameleon Fanaus. With camoflague. Where lighting up the room would alter how the colors look to see her more easily. ....

This whole point was about how the show doesn’t give strict rules to the Fanaus night vision, even though other shows with more fundamental powers (as in, the thing their premise is based on) bend these rules (like MHA with so many Quirks not being related to their physiology or Jojo bending every single Stand rule) for their plot. This isn’t directly bad as he says it is and he never emphasizes why anyone should care other than the strawman of ‘STRICT RULES!’ even as his own favorites don’t follow that.

He also says there’s no repercussions for the Penny cover up since he says it was to cause a riot to attract the Grimm but the Grimm disappear and people are being arrested for their rioting in  the next episode. ... The Grimm don’t invade until Episode 9. He’s talking about Episode 7. The arrest was for breaking curfew that Ironwood imposed afterwards to due the discontent from Jacques winning. Then we have the fact that Penny’s frame up leads to Robyn actually stealing supplies, which leads to Yang and Blake telling her about Amity, which leads to Ironwood’s paranoia taking over. So you know...kind of some of the biggest repercussions in the show.

I also remember he said it was to frame Penny in his contriavances section...which makes no sense if it was meant to cause a riot directly afterward. In trying to callout inconsistencies that don’t exist, he became inconsistent himself.

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Next part is “Don’t Show, Never Show”. .... How professional.

He begins by bitching at other people for misrepresenting his arguments about the Fanaus and how their oppression isn’t well shown. ... After he’s personally attacked the creators over a subject one of them is innocent and self conscious of and will mock that person for mocking his critics. Classy.

“Jacques is Orange Man bad stand-in-”

A. He never mentions anything about securing Atlas’ borders and in fact wants to OPEN them.

B. He’s never talked about making Atlas great or appealing to any sort of false patriotism.

C. He opposes the military whereas Trump supports them.

D. He has no slogans for his campaign, especially none like Trump’s/

E. He isn’t colluding with foreign powers aside from a generic bad guy orgnazation with no connections to the countries Trump is accused of.

F. Jacques being a slimy business man was made before Trump came into the presidency.

And G. Robyn Hill only connections to Hilarily Clinton is a gender and half a name (a name that is actually rather common in real life). In fact, considering her position is all about distrust in the government and appealing to the common man- She’s a closer stand in for TRUMP than Hilarlily. 

Again, argument’s been made a thousand times, beaten it a thousand times. 

His overall point is that Jacques is said to be a terrible parent but not shown, using the line from “This Life is Mine” ( Amazing how you conquered me, Chained me in servility) before going on to say that he ‘let her go to a different school’ (he was forced to), ‘Do whatever she wants so long as it doesn’t affect his business and reputation’ (contradicted by cutting her off, trying to limit her actions because of her ignoring his calls even though that does not affect his business or reputation), ‘spending his money at Beacon until she ignores his calls’ (finical abuse 101) and ‘she embarrassed him at a party by assaulting one of the guests.’

... The woman was outright mocking the people she knew, the ‘assault’ was an accidental summon, Jacques was trying to prevent her from just getting away from him, Jacques pressured her into singing for him despite her discomfort and never once tries to talk to his daughter like a person or calm her down, instead trying to silence her. All of THIS without getting his physical intimidation of grabbing her and slapping her, which is what Kamen strawmans the response being. Also ignoring what he did AFTER the slap, effectively trapping her in her room and spreading the idea she was unstable to save his image.

No amount of money matters here, ignoring once again that he tried withholding it once she acted outside what he wanted. That is the ‘chains of servility’ and I know you wouldn’t argue this outside RWBY. You’d be calling this ignorant beyond acception, Kamen.

“The worst examples of Jacques’ abuse happen outside the-”

Jacques’ worst abuse was being trapped in her own room for calling out the callousness of people smack talking a tragedy she went through. This is effectively mocking a war in front of a veteran then locking them in the basement while telling everyone they’re coocoo. That is in the show, stop trying to blame other materials THAT DO NOT EXIST just to appeal to a common compliant (about supplemental materials in RWBY).

“Well Winter abuses Weiss!”

So let me get this straight. A small smack on the back of the head before asking about her personal life to show she cares about Weiss (another example of cutting context) is at all comparable to abuse of parental power, controlling Weiss like a puppet and locking her up? What was your definition of contrivance and consistency again?

“Can I go off on a tangent?”

No. You have not earned that right. You have far exceeded any patience I should have given you. The fact I am STILL HERE is too much and I should just throw the rest of the video in that garbage dumb your delusion of the writing is. But I will STILL give you chance.

P.S. You use HBomberguy as an example? Even though one of the videos you chewed out in your Persona video (’Steven Universe is Garbage and Here’s Why’) is BASED OFF his work? So what? His hours long shit talking is okay? And no, this is not

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His next segment is titled ... “Okay What Is This Shit I’m Actually Cratching My Head I’m So Dumbfounded And Confused AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

... You misspelled “Scratching”.

He says the Grimm Attack after Robyn’s failed election was handled off screen. That never existed and the Grimm attacked THREE EPISODE LATER and is handled on screen.

He says that Jacques being arrested makes no sense because Watts can control technology and should have used it disable the security cameras in the Schnee Manor. As he outright says, Willow hid those cameras and Watts HACKS technology and cannot hack what he DOES NOT KNOW EXISTS. It’s outright said BY THE SHOW and SHOWN that he cannot just magically control technology.

He also questions how Willow got those cameras in there, ignoring that Jacques DOES NOT HAVE OMNISCENCE.  Why she did when she SAID it was to make sure he didn’t abuse her kids. When doesn’t fucking matter. It’s all pendantic bullcrap. You can apply this to any situation in media and I know Kamen would bitch about the show’s pacing if they did this because it would be boring as fuck.

He says that there was no foreshadowing that Willow set these cameras up which I would like to give...if not for the rest of his video which illustrates to me he would have made this point with or without foreshadowing.

“How come Robyn isn’t being arrested because she stole supplies?!”

A. Because you keep inferring she stole supplies BEFORE the election, I’ll have to assume it’s the same here and say SHE DIDN’T.

B. If you aren’t and have changed to saying AFTER the election: The show SHOWS YOU that they’ve been trying to arrest her. She’s been EVADING them.

C. If it’s at Jacques’ house: Remember what you said about image? Wanna guess how damaged Ol Jimmy’s image will be if he arrests his biggest critic while under suspicion of rigging the election against her AND being questioned for supposed abuse of power?

D. Gee, not like the heating system in an artic climate shut down, Jacques just got exposed for helping a KNOWN CRIMINAL TOO, The Grimm actually invade, they have to save all the people, things collapse between RWBY and Ironwood and a fuckton of other things of higher priority than one woman stealing supplies to fix something IRONWOOD HIMSELF SHOULD BE FIXING.

“Hur dur, Salem generic’

Says the Jojo and Yugioh fan. Say, how did your precious VRAINS turn out again hm?

“HEY, WHY NO RUBY TELL IRONWOOD AND TAKE RESPONBILITY?!”

Maybe because there’s a bunch of soulless abominations currently running amok in a city full of innocents so she should take responsibility as an official Huntress and do her damn job while the comparatively combat inept Oscar handle the non combat situation. Or did you want contrivance to work in your favor even though you’ve been proven to be a biased liar who will betray everything he stands in order to make a shit point about a flawed show he couldn’t criticize with a fucking guide on it?

“Why not have Ruby stand behind and say ‘I’ll catch up with you later’?-”

Because you’ll cut context and make her look irresponsible. Your suggestions mean NOTHING when you have proven that you have no honesty on the subject and will flip flop to suit yourself.

Also I love how you mock Mediaocrity4 for ‘treating his opposition as idiots’ as your fucking video STARTED and is littered with you doing JUST THAT. Fuck, I bet you’ll do JUST THAT with this post. 

“Oh look at this character who has been shown as overly emotional, rash and prone to not thinking when mad act in line with her character how dumb!”

Gee, like say...., A shut in otaku making constant video game and anime references in, let’s say, a JRPG filled with these references? 

Huh, guess you agree more with Cvit than you say.

“Dur, fistcuffs mean Jojo!”

Oh wait, Fist of the North Star did it first. And it’s a stable in most fighting anime. But hey, who cares in Kamen shanks Jojo in the back if it means lashing out against RWBY amirite?

“It’s like the context of the fights-”

Where the Ace Ops against RWBY are highly emotional, having felt betrayed by people they though as comrades and acting individually instead as duos or even as a team while all being people with shown emotional issues failing to defeat a far calmer and more developed team that have been working with them and are aware of their flaws?

Or that Clover tried to blindly follow Ironwood’s orders just as Qrow did in the past with Ozpin as the two characters heavily mirror each other, Qrow tried to fight Tyrian at first even as Clover attacked him and never actually helped Tyrian (in facting ATTACKING HIM at one point) after Clover tried arresting him in front of Robyn, someone known to do rash things when it comes to Ironwood?

I’m so glad you decided to FOR ONCE IN THIS ENTIRE, NEARLY FOURTY MINUTE VIDEO actually pay attention to the show and not the memes of the people who agree with you.

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“Conclusion”

‘Like I said in the Steven Universe Movie, I don’t let the fanabse dictate my opinion on something-’

Which is why there wasn’t a single original viewpoint, perspective, criticism, wording or even ‘jokes’, all shit ripped straight from the mouths of others. It’s all shit I’ve seen before by other people. If I absorbed even more of this bullshit, I’d probably be able to see exact wordings in here too, I am THAT certain you didn’t think about this for yourself.

If you did, you would have noticed that you were repeating the exact same mistakes you constantly criticize in others. You would have seen that you were making assumptions based on your preconceived notion of ‘RWBY bad’ and not what the show itself was doing. You would have seen the vidnictive smugness you decried MatPat over. You would have seen the immense hypocrisy you called out before. You would have stuck to what you called your principles.

You have the failures of your biggest targets in this very video. The bias and brain rot of Quinton Reviews, the hack job of MatPat, the manipulativeness of Verlsify, the sheer level of bullshit of Cvit. You burned every single standard you set for others here, you did every wrong thing you screamed about, you failed in the same ways as those you profited from criticizing. Again, because I said all this THE LAST TIME and yet you got WORSE. 

You mock and belittle the creators even as you give them every reason to treat you like shit because even the worst they’ve done looks justified compared to what you pulled. ‘Oh they said that people being mean is so bad!’ says the man preying on his weakness. ‘Oh he’s shit talking his critics!’ says the open liar. ‘Oh the writing was done by platypuses!’ says the man who wants to be taken seriously. ‘Oh it’s just a joke!’ Says the man who bitched out MatPat over jokes. 

And I guarantee you’ll cry foul at me if you ever find this, decrying me as just a salty RWBY fanboy. And this time, I’m not accepting any excuses. You HAD your chances. 

4chan trolls are more respectable than you. They have principles and stick to them. Fanboys are more respectable than you. They don’t claim to be anything else. And yes, your targets are more respectable than you. Their channels aren’t based on hypocrisy THIS deeply rooted.

I regret ever watching you because you were clearly speaking out of your ass.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Post-Edit:

So i edited a couple of my less explained points to get my issue across. Just saying this here so that no one accuses me of editing the source for malicious purposes.

As for why I didn’t rewrite the last two sections to remove my anger: that stays to prove a point. I had tried to stay neutral or at least calm throughout the video. But my frustrations just kept on building as you became increasingly smug and condescending, even though you called out such shit against others. I can’t even respect your arguments as arguments because considering the erratic nature of this video as well as how out of place some of them are (”Orange Man Bad”): it sounds like you just took every single compliant ever said about Volume 7 and threw it in. 

You end all your videos saying ‘Examine Your Fandom’. Did you ever do that yourself?

[captainmarvels]

goatman’s bridge

Summary: Steve and Robin film their newest episode of Unsolved at the demonic Goatman’s bridge.

Steve Appreciation Week Day 4 Prompt: Crossover - buzzfeed unsolved

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Robin Buckley (platonic)

Warnings: lots of swearing lmao

Word Count: 2124

A/N: An anon inspired this; it’s more of an AU than crossover but i take the blame for getting carried away! anyways, i hope you enjoy and pls watch buzzfeed unsolved xoxo

Demons are the last thing you want to mess with.

There’s really no possible situation where you’d end up having to confront a demon during your lifetime, but unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Steve. 

As a video producer and star of one of Buzzfeed’s hit web series, Buzzfeed Unsolved, Steve was (un)willingly putting his life more or less on the line every time he ventured out to famous haunted sites with his best friend and co-star, Robin. 

This latest episode they were shooting was proving to be the most terrifying one yet. 

They had just arrived in Texas earlier today, and were now on their way to the small town of Denton, home to the demonic Goatman’s Bridge. 

Steve was behind the wheel, goosebumps spreading across his arms as they came closer to the site of the shoot. Robin was in the passenger seat, looking out the window as they passed large fields of green grass.

“Dude, I’m so nervous,” Steve suddenly said, laughing off his fear as Robin glanced over at him. 

“Don’t be nervous with such a beautiful sunset like that!” She gestured at the orange streaks in the sky, the sun setting in the far distance.

“I know what lies underneath it!” Steve responded, covering his mouth with his hand in worry as he thought about what was waiting for them at the bridge.

“Nighttime? Darkness?” Robin quipped.

“And demons,” Steve whispered, his eyes now trained on the road ahead.

“I hate demons.”

While the camera crew were setting everything up near the edge of the bridge and readying their audio recording devices, Steve and Robin adjusted their mics back at the truck.

“You ready for this, dingus?” Robin asked as she checked the camera hanging off her neck.

“This is my demon sacrifice of the season so no, I’d say I’m not,” Steve opened the trunk of the car, and pulled out his duffel bag that he always carried with him during these shoots.

“You know what Steve, I’m not trying to scare you but… I got a bad feeling about this one,” Robin couldn’t help but grin as she watched him riffle through his things.

“Shut up-”

“I do,”

“It’s okay. I came prepared,” Steve stepped back from the trunk.

“What’re you prepared with?” She asked, confused.

“Oh you’ll see,”

“Why’re you unbuttoning your pants?” Robin held out her video recorder, a look of confusion and disgust crossing her face as she watched Steve hook something to his belt.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“We’re in public right no- what are you doing?” Robin was growing more confused with every passing second, Steve offering no answers.

“Shut up!” As he turned around and Robin finally saw what he was wearing, her face brightened up, a wide smile appearing as she shook her head.

“Oh dingus,” She said, chuckling under her breath as Steve turned to face her.

“What?”

“You’ve outdumbed yourself!” She gestured to the Nerf gun, filled with holy water, strapped to a holster on his leg, laughing as he just waved her off.

“I thought this was gonna be funny, but now I’m happy that I brought it!”

Once the camera crew was set up and ready to go, Steve and Robin took their places at the end of the bridge, video recorders in hand. 

“Don’t piss your pants, dingus!” Robin whispered, smiling as Steve rolled his eyes at her.

“On three, you guys! One, two… three!” Steve and Robin stepped onto the bridge, and Steve could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he cautiously moved forward.

Robin, being the jokester she always was, began to talk with the demon.

“Any demons here? Got any demons out tonight? Any horny boys? Or whatever they’re-”

“Horny boys?” Steve scoffed, raising an eyebrow at Robin as she stopped in the middle of the bridge, slowly turning in a circle.

“They got horns!” Steve shook his head and cleared his throat.

“Let your presence be known,” He said flatly, his nerves getting the best of him. “Say somethin’...why are you on this bridge?”

Nothing but silence followed Steve’s question. Robin moved her flashlight across the bridge, and then turned it up towards the pitch-black sky.

Steve looked at her and said, “You ask questions,”

“Why’re you on the bridge?” She asked, repeating his earlier question. Steve wheezed, rolling his eyes once again.

“Goatman!” She said loudly, making a serious face as she looked left and right. She glanced at Steve.

“You feel that? Feel the Goatman energy?”

“I don’t like when you say his name!” Steve said hurriedly, moving his flashlight across the bridge once more.

“Feel some goat vibes?”

Steve shook his head no, and was about to say something when Robin spoke up.

“You may not like this, but I’m gonna try and agitate it - I’m just gonna go-”

“You do what you gotta do, and I’ll do what I gotta do, Buckley!” Steve took a step back towards the railing, his hands up as if in surrender. 

“I’m just gonna be as crude as possible here, alright?” 

“Get on with it, man!” 

“Fuck you, Goatman!” She shouted at the top of her lungs. She was holding a straight face, but Steve couldn’t contain his laughter. 

“Holy shit!” He exclaimed, eyes wide as he looked at her. 

“Was that good?” She asked, eyebrows raised as they looked at one another.

“I thought you were gonna build your way up!”

“No no, why wait?”

“Well if you don’t believe, there’s nothing to be afraid of then, right?” Steve could hear the fear in his voice, and he was struggling to control his breathing as she just shrugged. “You can be as big a prick as you want! I’m gonna stand over here,” He moved back, closer to the bridge’s railing as Robin started dancing about the bridge, moving in circles.

“Goatman! I’m dancing on your bridge! It’s my bridge now! You hear that? You want me off this bridge, you’re gonna have to kill me! Which would be homophobic, by the way,” 

Steve was laughing in fear and amusement, his laughter interrupted by “Holy shit!”’s every now and then as Robin kept provoking the demon.

Tonight’s the night she gets us killed, was all he could think as he watched her messing around.

“Look at the way I dance on it, I disrespect your bridge, Goatman!”

“He’s takin’ names right now, oh my god-” Steve was half wheezing, half laughing, all while trying to spit out a coherent sentence as Robin continued her antics.

“You hear that, Goatman? Me and Steve Harrington own your bridge now! We-”

“Nope!” Steve shouted, eyes bug wide as he started fumbling over his words. “Nope, do not loop me into your shit right now! Stop looping me in - God, I hate when you do this!”

“Then tell him you’re not a part of this!”

“I’m not- I’m not part of her little charade!” Steve said frantically, looking behind him.

“You’re talking to Goatman now,” Robin said, grinning from ear to ear as Steve realized what she’d done.

“I see what you did there,”

“It’s Goatman entrapment!”

After the two of them took a breather from Robin’s tomfoolery, Steve recorded a bit on the lore surrounding the bridge’s demonic owner, and the history from local residents who claimed to have seen the Goatman after committing certain acts.

“So you’re saying, if I knock on this bridge three times, Mr. Goatman will have to show his face and fight me for his bridge?” Robin was fighting back a stupidly joyful grin, and Steve had to stop himself from rolling his eyes for the millionth time that night.

“Well, according to legend, if you knock three times, you can see his glowing eyes,”

“Alright then, you’re up, dingus!” Before Steve could protest his involuntary volunteering, Robin grabbed his video recorder out of his hand and gestured to the red railing.

“Goddamnit,” Steve muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose as he turned to face the railing. 

“Talking to the Goatman, opening up a line of communication,” Robin leaned down to capture Steve’s worrisome facial expressions as he closed his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up, Buckley! I’m gonna murder you! You’re not helping!”

 They both started laughing, Steve’s eyes wider than humanly possible as he stared his worst fear right in the face. 

Now or never.

“I’m gonna knock on your bridge,” Steve said in a shaky voice. He raised his hand up, and rapped on the metal bridge three times. Nothing happened; Robin peered over the railing with her flashlight and camera, but saw nothing.

“Just another load of horseshit!” She jeered, rolling her eyes when Steve looked back at her.

“Alright, alright. Let’s head into the woods,”

“Oh, a change of venue! How refreshing,” Robin whispered sarcastically, nudging Steve in the side as she walked ahead of him. “We’ll be back, Goatman! After all, this is our bridge now!”

“Okay, keep it moving,” Steve muttered, tapping her shoulder with the end of his flashlight.

“That’s how you get him!” She said, walking quickly to catch up with Steve as the camera crew followed close behind.

“How many times you walk through the woods late at night?” Robin posed the question as they passed some gnarly bushes along the path.

“Never, which makes me hate this a lot more now,” Steve answered, moving his flashlight through the bushes and trees as they moved along.

“Steve, can demons be gay? Asking for a friend,”

“Oh, you think we’ll run into any satanic cults on our walk? Steve?” 

“You know, there were reports saying that pet stores had to stop selling cats because of all the remains they were finding out here so, who knows?”

“Do you think they put up Craigslist ads for their cult meetings?” Steve stopped in his tracks and looked into the bushes behind him with his flashlight, ignoring Robin.

“I swear to God, one of these times, we’re gonna die,” Steve muttered under his breath, turning around to find Robin looking over his shoulder. “Jesus, do you have to be that close to me?”

Moving past her, they continued down the gravel path.

“Hello? Anyone there? We’re here for the cult stuff!” Robin said loudly, groaning when Steve hit her with the end of his flashlight.

“What are you doing, Buckley?” He asked nervously, his hands shaking as he looked at the bushes next to them.

“We have to convince them we’re on their side so they’ll show themselves!”

“Oh god, would you stop!” Steve shook his head and kept moving, Robin scrambling to catch up.

As they continued examining the bushes and trees along the path, Steve began talking about more of the bridge and woods’ lore.

“So, lots of previous investigators have said they’ve picked up on the same name referring to the Goatman on EVPs and spirit boxes and stuff,”

“What’s Goatman’s name?” Robin asked, flashing her light in Steve’s face.

“.... Steve,”

“Ha! Is that because all Steves are wimps or what?” 

“Hey!” He shouted, hitting her in the arm as she laughed hysterically. 

“Okay, okay, but seriously! Why not use a name that at least strikes terror? Steve is the least scary name I’ve ever heard of, and even you have to admit that, dingus!”

“Okay, alright, fair but still - why must it be terrifying?”

“Not living up to the expectations of a demon goatman is homophobia, Steven. The gays deserve better than a cheap trick like Steve the Goatman!”

 After another half hour passed, Steve, Robin, and the camera team headed back to the bridge, for one final taunting of the Goatman.

“Well, time to say goodbye! Are you gonna say anything to Steve, Steve?” Robin quipped, laughing as Steve rolled his eyes.

“I guess I can,”

“Oh?”

“I feel like I’ve conquered it now, okay?” 

“Well, the bridge is yours, my friend,” She gestured to the floor, smiling wide as Steve walked past her, towards the middle of the bridge.

“Well demons… it’s been fun, but uh, sayonara, see you never!” Steve’s entire body was shaking as he spoke, and he practically ran off the bridge before Robin said anything.

“Bye Goatman! You fucking wimp!” Robin said, laughing as she joined him on the other side, their crew right behind them. 

Once they packed everything and were safely back in their cars, Steve finally took a deep breath, trying to control his racing heartbeat. 

“Another unsolved case for the books, dingus! You think you’ll be able to sleep tonight?” Robin pulled out her phone to set up the GPS before turning on the car.

Steve’s eyes were shut, his heartbeat slowing as he timed his breaths.

“Dingus?”

“Ask me tomorrow, yeah?”

tags: 

@bifrostythor @messybitchjuice @bittergoldilocks @ahoyfandoms @mercedesbarnes @thorsxodinson @edgehogg @emjothehoe @marvelismylifffe @000bananaclip000 @cxddlyash @l4life @spidey-pal @iydianight @harringtonsbaseballbat @1-800-gotjunk @novaddictx @fragcc @sadhwstudent @bitessathompson @madeinthemidnightmemories @nancethebadass @okaybutsteveharrington @coffee-and-stories @multifan-smc @stebehairrington @cassandras-musings 

[planetsam]

can you write something angsty where alex doesnt come home during the show or he comes home much later in the episodes which changes everything? if youre still writing of course!

Isobel approaches brandishing the gun and Max realizes he is going to die.

He cannot hurt her. Her eyes are dead and he just prays that Michael will cover this up too. Spare her from this. It’s the first moment that Max is glad Michael hates him, he won’t be mad at Isobel. This isn’t her fault. He won’t think that for a moment. Max doesn’t know if Michael would feel the same if the positions were reversed but he guesses it doesn’t matter. Isobel stalks towards him and Max tries to make peace.

“Drop your weapon!”

Jenna comes towards her, gun drawn and gets off a few warning shots. Max wants to tell her to stop but he can’t. Isobel—or the thing controlling her—makes a calculated decision and turns around to run.

She doesn’t get far.

Alex Manes is suddenly behind her. He looks so different, Max almost doesn’t recognize him. He’s seen Alex as a goth kid and a man who looks like his father, but this is an amalgamation of those things. Alex moves fast and before Isobel knows what’s happening she’s on the ground with her hands pinned behind her. Max scrambles up with Jenna’s help, running over as Isobel’s eyes close. If she tries to do something to Alex, it doesn’t work. He doesn’t look surprised and Max feels something cold slip down his spine.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes,” he says at the same time Jenna does. Alex nods at Jenna and looks at him, not like a friend but guarded. Max looks at the bonds on Isobel’s wrists and the syringe Alex is slipping into his pocket, “what did you give her?”

“Something that will make her sleep,” Alex says, getting to his feet. Max nods and Alex looks surprised, “I know it wasn’t her.”

“You do?” Max says.

Alex nods.

“Isobel!”

Alex’s head snaps past Max. Max turns as Michael and Maria come running. The moment that Alex and Michael see each other, the world stops. As dumb and cheesy as that sounds, they both go completely silent. They even have the same stunned expression. Max gets it, honestly. He really does. Liz was in her pom pom antennae and he couldn’t breathe. Alex is standing there in an immaculately tailored black suit. Michael’s in a flannel and jeans but Alex stares at him like he’s the most stunning thing he’s ever seen. It’s like being at prom on acetone. Alex breaks first, shifting his posture and Michael follows, clenching his jaw and walking over to them.

“Alex,” he says, “what did you do to her?”

“I stopped her from running,” he says. Michael snorts and Alex glares.

“That’s ironic,” he says and moves forward even more so he and Alex are right in front of her, “i’ll take her from here.”

“No,” Alex says.

“No?” Michael repeats, “that’s my sister.”

Alex softens just enough that Max understands what that means to Michael. That flies over Michael’s head but Max sees it and the intimacy shocks him. Alex looks regretful but he doesn’t move. Michael looks at the cuffs and his face changes, his entire posture becoming much more aggressive.

“What’s your dad want with her, Alex?” He asks.

“It’s not about her,”  Alex says.

“Right,” Michael smirks, “so you’re not here being a good little soldier,” he looks around, “air force must be giving you guys one hell of a budget. Who’d you have to fuck to get that?”

The tension is already at a high level but it gets cranked up to about a billion and isn’t helped when Alex’s eye glance to Maria and then back to Michael. Maria‘s eyes narrow as Michael scoffs like Alex has no right. Maybe neither do, but that doesn’t change the way they’re looking at each other. On the ground Isobel groans and wakes up.  Whatever strange spell has taken over them seems to break as everyone focuses on her.

But Michael and Alex keep glancing at each other, as if they can’t help themselves.

Michael drives back to his trailer, fighting not to be badly shaken as he does. Was it really a few hours ago that he thought everything was so much brighter? He and Maria had fully hooked up, she looked gorgeous and wasn’t as defensive as she usually was around him. The door was open. Just a crack, but open none the less. And Isobel was back. God, she was back and she was alright. He and Max were talking. He should have know the proverbial hammer would come down and shatter that happiness. Again. He pulls up to the air stream and gets out.

He’s not surprised Alex is behind him.

Of course the super spy has no issue driving in the dark. The black car is sleek and as achingly beautiful as the rest of him. Alex keeps his eyes on him the entire time, as he turns the car off and slides out and walks over. His eyes never leave him. Michael wants. In its purest form, he just looks at Alex and he wants. Answers, explanations, why why is he back now? The door is open, Michael is ready to leave this behind. Or so he thought. But Alex is back again and the string that’s bound them together has gone taut and he can’t move. Alex looks at the truck and softens.

“Nostalgia’s a bitch, huh?” Michael says.

“I figured you would be long gone by the time I got back,” Alex says, though they both know damn well Michael’s not going anywhere.

“To where?” Michael asks, “somewhere good?”

“Home,” Alex says, “I figured if anyone could find their way off this place, it’d be you.”

Michael can’t breath.

Alex knows.

Fuck him, Alex knows. Alex knows and is still looking at him like that. Like he’s not the monster he always worried Alex would think he was. Of course Alex has lived with monsters his entire life, but Michael never wanted to be one of them. He hates Alex for a single moment, but that hate churns with his own guilt. He always wanted to have his shit together when he saw Alex again. Instead he’s a liar and sleeping with Maria, living in a trailer. None of this is how he wanted it to go. And that hurts a lot more than he wishes it did.

“Is that what you want?” He asks, stepping forward.

“We’re not kids anymore,” Alex says, moving closer, “What I want doesn’t matter.”

“So why are you here?” Michael challenges, trying to ignore the anticipation humming through him.

Alex doesn’t answer in words.

Michael gasps into the kiss roughly, shoving back against him even as Alex pushes him into the side of the car. Of all his grown up fantasies, being kissed against the side of a sports car by a tuxedo wearing super spy version of Alex Manes ranks, well, pretty fucking high. Then Alex licks into his mouth and Michael doesn’t think about fantasies or anything much at all. His world narrows to Alex as he pulls him closer, desperate to have him as close as possible. Alex stumbles and Michael pauses but Alex chases him when he pulls back, pushing his fingers through Michael’s curls.

Alex pulls away to look to the trailer and Michael nods back, following Alex in.

They barely get inside before they’re on each other again. In the warm darkness, everything narrows to shadow and sensation as they do their best not to trip. Michael smiles until he feels the tension in Alex. Super spy doesn’t seem to like the territory. Alex doesn’t like being teased either and Michael doesn’t want to risk him leaving, so he pulls him towards the bed.

“Hang on,” Alex says.

“I got you,” Michael tells him, “its right over here,” he gets Alex over to the bed and is surprised at the tension ramping up instead of dissipating, “Alex?”

Alex kisses him but there’s something desperate in it, like he’s trying to commit this to memory. Like every kiss they’ve exchanged before his deployments. Those aching, desperate presses of lips as they try to memorize each other. Knowing that this might be the last one. Alex pulls back and rests his forehead against Michael’s. Michael fights the sick feeling as Alex cups his cheeks.

“What is it?” He asks, “Alex?”

“I have to show you something,” Alex says, “i don’t want to stop.”

“Nothing’s gonna stop this,” Michael tells him, shocked by the fear rolling off of him, “you know what I am, nothing could be worse than that.” Alex laughs and Michael hears something far too close to a sob, “Alex, what—“

He trails off as Alex pulls him close, fitting their bodies together. Everything lines up. On the side of Michael’s leg, he feels it. Something hard and metal and not Alex. And if he focuses he feels the seam of where Alex ends and the metal begins. The trailer is warm and dark but suddenly there’s no air. Alex shudders and tries to pull away but Michael only holds him tighter. Alex’s breath catches, but it’s Michael who has to fight his emotions. He usually gets some sign from Alex he’s alive. Post cards or glimpses or occasionally emails from addresses he doesn’t recognize. This is the longest they’ve gone and Michael was sure they were done. Not that Alex was dying. Almost died.

“Alex—“ He doesn’t have the right to ask why Alex didn’t say something. Alex found out he was an alien, neither of them have been honest.

“Please don’t,” Alex says, “just tell me to stop.”

“Never,” Michael vows and kisses him again.

The desperation magnifies as the jack and tie and shirt hit the ground leaving Alex in a dark t-shirt and his slacks. Michael pushes him onto the bed and Alex stares up at him as he pulls off his shirt. They can barely see each other in the darkness but they don’t need to. He only needs the outline of Alex easing himself back and fumbling with his pants to move forward and join him on the bed.

In the darkness it’s an exploration of a different kind. Alex knows that losing sight doesn’t make your other senses magnify, but he’s always been good at hyper-focusing. Michael has always demanded his attention. His hands are careful and calloused and warm as he touches as much of Alex’s skin as he can, until Alex tugs on his curls and demands that he stop treating him so delicately. Which Michael does, until he gets to the leg. Alex wants to sit up and put on the air of nonchalance that’s been his coping mechanism. But Michael silences everything when he kiss the seam of skin and sleeve. Alex feels his curls and his stubble on a part that he doesn’t even like to touch and the emotion of it makes it hard to breathe. He sits up and guides Michael’s fingers to the mechanism that lets him take the leg off. Michael does and the sleeve follows, but before he can give more attention to his scars, Alex is dragging him up and pulling Michael on top of him, his hips already chasing whatever friction he can get.

“Later, later,” he swears, “right now—“

Michael swears and kisses him, sliding a hand under his lower back and pushing his hips forward so they’re grinding against each other. It’s delicious and woefully inadequate and they both need so much more. Michael sucks the skin of his collar bone and in the darkness, Alex sees several drawers open and stuff fly and land on the bed within arms reach. Michael pulls from his skin with a wet pop and looks at his face. For the first time, Alex laughs. Michael almost looks wounded, Alex cups his face and kisses him.

“Of all the ways I thought about seeing you use those, getting sex supplies wasn’t one of them,” he says and feels Michael grin against his lips.

“Pretty handy, huh?” Michael says and the smugness in his voice makes all the blood rush south even before his hand cups Alex though his underwear.

Alex pulls him down again.

By the time they’re done it’s early, early morning and they’re laying together on the twin bed, no longer exploring each other but just touching. Michael strokes his hipbone under the sheet as Alex winds his curls around his fingers. They don’t fit on the bed properly and Alex thanks the god he’s always had a mixed relationship with for the fact that they have no choice but to lie all tangled up together. Michael nuzzles against his chest and Alex exhales tension that’s ruled him for the past years they’ve been apart. There’s so much to do and talk about, but for the moment everything feels right in the world.

For the first time in years, they sleep through the night.

In the morning, he wakes Michael up by softly pressing his lips to whatever exposed skin he can find above the sheet. Michael opens his eyes slowly and stretches out, his muscles flexing under Alex’s attention. He turns towards him, cupping his arm.

“You stayed,” He says and Alex hears the surprise around the sleepiness in his voice. He leans forward and kisses him softly.

“Yeah,” He says, “I stayed.”

Michael relaxes against him and Alex pulls him closer, sinking into the warmth.

“Get the curtains,” he mumbles and Michael smiles before they fall, cutting off the direct light.

They both fall back asleep.

[thesinglesjukebox]

CHILDISH GAMBINO - THIS IS AMERICA

[6.33]

And this is your #1 single, America.

Jibril Yassin: Listening to this without the video makes you realize just how much praise we've thrown at Donald Glover for essentially remaking Mother. It's just a shame the song feels like a patchwork of different moods: the capable and effortless singing and the passable rap schemes clashing at each possible moment. It's chaos supplanted by a million Atlanta rapper adlibs featured here -- notable because his past work revelled in his outsiderdom status. Now he relishes in being a medium. What the fuck does Childish Gambino wants us to think about him? The Billboard #1 means that once again somehow Young Thug wins so I'll take that. [5]

Ryo Miyauchi: Hearing that clatter of noise ripping the seams of the Coloring Book gospel felt viscerally thrilling at first. Yet the momentum of it soon died down as Donald Glover muttered ad libs in placement of real lyrics. If this excitement and then immediate bore from violence was the point, then it relies way too much on its visuals to get that across. As pure audio, it's fragments of unfinished ideas coalesced into what barely passes as a song, and those fragments depend upon too much subtext for it to hopefully bear some meaning. [5]

Tim de Reuse: Every word of the lyrics and every frame of the music video begs to be picked apart; that's Charleston, that's Parkland, that's the way white Americans revere gun culture. It's an assault on all fronts, and despite the pull of its main sonic gimmick, an assault on all fronts cannot be incisive. So it contains no arguments or calls to action, working mainly as a mood piece for anxiety, instability, dehumanization, and dread, writhing into itself, and young Thug's haunting outro is the only place where the horrors alluded to are felt rather than just referenced or replicated. Is it effective? Well, it certainly leaves an impression, but it's not as focused as it could be, and to get any kind of solid message out of it you've got to put in just as much as you're going to get out. [6]

Alfred Soto: A compelling statement of protest that doesn't mind flirting with the exploitative and why not -- the video, that is. A fitfully compelling protest whose tonal variety compensates for its lyrical shortcomings -- that's "This is America." Like many #1s, it's a vessel for listeners. Few hits in the twenty-first century benefit from a cultural moment like Donald Glover's. This is America? No -- this is America. [7]

Will Rivitz: There isn't much I can say about "This Is America" that Doreen St. Félix hasn't already said, so let me talk about its place as an "ambiguous document" on terms in which I feel slightly more authoritative: As a nuanced, complicated, and enigmatic dissection of Black existence -- which is about as specifically as one can describe the song and its accompanying visuals, since any narrower portrayal risks an uneasily reductive summary of its purpose -- Gambino's newest is excellent, aesthetically compelling and subtly difficult in all the right ways. As a pop song that's raced to number one on the charts with the force of a "God's Plan," it's less successful, so instrumentally and allusionally dense that, aside from Gambino's chorus and ad-libs, even a dozen listens in I still have trouble tracking its structure -- and a pop song that isn't easily accessible tends to fail at providing the populist unification that the best of that ilk inflict on a club at 1 AM. As a song, period, it's also a little weak: for all its bassy bluster, its aggression is pallid compared to the distortion of a Clipping or a Death Grips, and its Yeezus-cum-TLOP blend of gospel and snarl doesn't quite reach what made both of those albums so excellent. This, as much as I do love it at times, is what makes the single-number rating system we have on this site a smidge simplistic: we're rating songs based on a singular scale with which we try to summarize all of its qualities into a one- or two-character final word. On "This is America," the ambiguity that St. Félix characterizes so well can't properly be reduced to a score, because the song succeeds and half-succeeds and half-fails on so many disparate levels that it doesn't really do the song justice. That said, I've listened to this one the past two weeks about as much as I listened to "Plug Walk" last month, and I gave that one a [7], so here we are. [7]

Stephen Eisermann: There've been more than enough think pieces and Twitter threads about on this song that I won't try analysis. Instead, I want to highlight how impotent the song is without the accompanying video: how it's a great addition to the accompanying video. This song is good, sure, but the video makes it great. [7]

Julian Axelrod: "This is America" feels like an anomaly in so many ways: It's a song that meets Donald Glover's outsize ambitions, which have previously made him feel like an auteur in search of a masterpiece. Its popularity is partly due to an eye-catching viral video that justifies the hype and amplifies its song's message rather than overshadowing it. And most impressively, it's a cultural and political statement that actually feels suited to how we live now. The song builds and buckles under its oppressively sunny tension, like a powder keg with a smiley face plastered on the front. But check that title again: While "This is America" is clearly a product of our current climate, its anger is nothing new. As long as you live in a country that refuses to let you breathe, the only true rebellion will be dancing on its feet. [8]

Jonathan Bradley: Who is Childish Gambino? This is what I ask from "This is America." Because we know Donald Glover: he's Troy from Community, he's a trash punchline rapper, he's a shockingly impressive nu-funk singer, he's Atlanta's dramedy auteur of the late 2010s. And now he's the ghost of Kendrick Lamar (because Kendrick invented political raps for the '10s the way Chuck D did for the '80s), he's Earn Marks, he's this shuckin' and jivin' shooter playing callous with life. Or has he surpassed performance; is "This is America" any black man playing the best role a white society can ask of him? "Have you seen 'This is America'," people ask of me, and I say, "no, I still have some episodes of Atlanta left to watch." As protest, aren't they as meaningful? As video, "This is America" doesn't resolve. Is this America? Well, song as shareable content is not new; pop history is articulated through tunes that capture an audience's spirit for their times. As song: the choir is lovely. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Remember when a bunch of white people thought it was OK to roll their eyes at Donald Glover for feeling "too white for Blacks, too Black for whites" on Camp? Some people dished out laundry lists of other Black people who were, in their minds, definitive proof of Glover being a fraud. Invalidating his experiences was a sure way to make him -- and other Blacks who felt similarly -- even more insecure about their identity. Here we are, seven years later, and Donald Glover's finally "made it" according to the standards set by white gatekeepers and lay internet folk (one and the same?), and it seems as if people consider the vivid depictions here as being astronomically different -- more artful, more profound -- than what was present in his earlier discography. It's been stated that "This is America" is not the lead single to the upcoming Childish Gambino album, indicating that this is a standalone product meant to be engaged with both aurally and visually. Glover knows: a video is going to be far more affecting simply because of how people approach one. Music is far more susceptible to passivity; people can hear, but they don't listen. Still, it's impossible to ignore the prevailing pernicious attitudes that lead to uniform declarations of "This is America" as a powerful political statement. Does everything need to be so painfully explicit and overt in its intentions to qualify as such? There's a sort of dysconscious racism underpinning how writers and fans are content with categorizing "This is America" and Donald Glover as political while denying such a label to the various rappers who provide ad-libs here. So let's break it down: Young Thug provided one of last year's most heartbreaking verses while mourning the murder of Keith Troup. BlocBoy JB dedicated his recent mixtape to Simi, a friend who died by gunfire. On "Work Hard," Quavo proudly declares that despite dropping out of school, he's rich enough now that his mom doesn't need to work. Slim Jxmmi says essentially the same thing on "Brxnks Truck" and unabashedly celebrates his affluence on "Growed Up." Kodak Black, who's namedropped here, explains how people don't see potential in him because he's "a project baby" on "Misunderstood," and spends another song later on Project Baby 2 sounding absolutely suicidal. And 21 Savage's "Bank Account," one of the most popular rap songs of last year, saw the rapper elegantly illustrating how being a successful Black man doesn't mean you can suddenly present yourself as vulnerable. It's funny: that everyone here is relegated to ancillary elements in the instrumentation ensures that people won't decry the presence of a less "conscious" (i.e. less "worthy," less "real") rapper. Glover understands this, and this decision is an effective middle ground between making significant impact and allowing all these other rappers to have a voice. It's moving because Glover's doing the exact opposite of what his Camp detractors did: unifying, validating, and empowering. The result is a beautiful tapestry that seems to be delivering a message hidden underneath a more obvious one. Every Black rapper is making political music. Every Black rapper is showing what it means to be Black in America. Every Black rapper deserves the attention to detail that has been poured upon this song and video. To think otherwise -- to discredit and disparage the truths of these Black people's lives -- is to disagree with the more obvious realities presented in the video. It's happening, and that is America too. [5]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[talesfromacrip]

d r e a m s:

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(( I’m sick and tired of having nightmares that involve me getting lost, losing someone I deeply care about, or something just, really fucking terrible in general that seems like a good thing, but makes me incredibly sad ))

-

oneI was camping with some people I know. I was walking around and then I got lost. I ended up in a giant field

I was in the middle and called out, nothing came out. I was mute and then I could hear everyone and I ran back and somehow slipped down into a building of some kind? the dream transitioning

I was near a staircase of sorts and then I feel someone grab my back. They then push me backwards into it. I wake up

Nature is scary to me and I don’t like getting lost, but falling down the stairs to my death?? That was an actual thing I wanted to do.. it’s, horrifying to see it happen in a way and feel as well

-

A reoccurring one I have where I’m sittting in an office of sorts waiting to see a doctor. Everyone I knew was coming in and out at leisure once done with appointments and would look at me with a sort of plastic face after. Once it was my turn, I was inside instantly and met with a high backed chair. A woman’s voice spoke to me, asking me all sorts of questions I don’t remember but remember being asked. Felt like forever  In the end they turn around and it was me.. am I like, my own therapist and one for others in some ways? I don’t really know, but it was pretty strange 

-

Had one where I was at another mall/concert venue and this time it was to see some show. There were people running suddenly because someone had a fucking gun. I saw blurred out faces and could only stand there. Didn’t do anything, didn’t move as people ran past me

I then hear it pop somewhere near my ear, waking me up frantically after 

Reason I had this, and i know damn sure is bc there was a fucking shooting not even 15 mins from my house.. How lovely to know 

Like, wtf... I want to take people there when they visit, but now I don’t want to go near it and dreaming of it makes it worse bc I don’t want to even go out

...

I’ll probably just the other dreams up or maybe not, idk. depends

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(( I don’t wanna wake up from them. I have a leave the server mood, which, is pretty awful.

I haven’t thought about that much. Occasionally I will, bu t not this bad.. sigh Internalized ableism is a bitch and so are other things, but shit

I’m glad I’m over something’s in my life,but some stuff just gets brought up again or happens.it overwhelms me so much..so fucking much ))

I hate having dreams of me in places I’ve never been too and never will for reasons that can’t be helped. Obvious ones 

Seeing people I know minding their own business or doing extraordinary things that I’m involved in which I know some will never happen or happen as I’d like

Dreams where I’m running from someone or maybe something? calling out into a dark and empty void. Falling, being alone in the action. Ughh

Dreams where I can’t go outside anymore bc there’s a wall. Kinda like in a video game to mark the end of a map boundary..

it’s like I’m in that black mirror episode of that woman trapped in her mind who can see outside while her body is on this, odd autopilot mode. I wake up feeling so empty bc of these dreams, upset, the whole pie essentially or less

My dreams feel so alive and it’s nice to feel that, but waking up and then having to deal with reality. sinks in pretty fast and hits you with a fatal heart bullet

sometimes I’m dying of heat from them or shortness of breath like I was startled or crying heavily, sometimes I wake up and try not to cry if it’s too much. I’ll occasionally go back to sleep but I’ll just end up in the same cycle essentially. I don’t want that

I start having mood swings from them and feel ashamed when I shouldn’t.it’s not fun to explain what happened in your tiny little head sometimes during the night hours. I act sort of, distant and bitchy in the process and i don’t mean to. I just,don’t like bringing up the same things and sometimes not

especially if someone I know is in them constantly and it’s, personal. Makes things awkward when talking with them 

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I hate having dreams where I’m married to someone who I know doesn’t see me that way and it hurts my heart so much. At least it’s someone who actually cares about me 

I can’t do anything for them though and never will. hurts

idk why my brain thinks I c a n.. it’s a pretty sick joke tbh. Maybe I can do somethings, but not as I’d like. I want to do so much for them, but can’t at all..

I know they probably care about someone else anyway like that who’s just, wayyyy better than me in every way:l

Probably closer, can move easily better than me, nicer than me, more upfront. Not struggling with stupid parents and a stupid crippled lifestyle. Probably makes them extremely happy and not a sad ass mess. Probably  does better art than me, cooks better

Hell, I bet they even look better than me as well.. but who fucking knows?

I can’t even talk to them properly anymore it seems, probably think I hate them or don’t want to do anything with them when I want to so badly, but I just don’t say anything. I don’t want to hurt myself more, but I already am

I resort to small talk and whenever I don’t, I talk about some dumb shit instead of actually saying how I’m truly feeling and all that and it pisses me off..can’t even get married anyway :)) Like, thank brain and heart

I hate having these fluffy dreams of having this life with this person..a comfy one that’s so perfect it could melt your eyes from the sap it produces. It’s so warm, but oh so far away and out of my reach.. physical, mentally..

Obviously I don’t hate it, I just hate how my brain tortures me like this

Sometimes I’ll have dreams where they don’t see me, hear me.. just, ignore me completely. They talk about me like I never existed, say horrendous things.. I know they are not true but it just seems like it

———

———

I wish I didn’t have the ability to dream tbh. Sure it may be nice and everyone’s or somes, "favorite activity", but I just don’t really like it much anymore

My dreams hurt worse than reality and it makes my heartache so badly every time I wake up.. I have to put on my face though and just, go with flow as they say.. to just lay there though, every morning and not being able to do what you like, but can in another state, is so weird and confusing on the mind and body. Mine to be exact. Sure it may as well be the coolest thing ever and may help with your problems and such but it’s just heart aching in general. For me that is, sigh

-

I hate waking up feeling horny because I cannot do anything about it or touch myself as I’d like.. just, sad what more can I say on that?

I do feel happy occasionally from some dreams at times, but then reality hits me like an isekai truck right after and I’m kinda left in this weird empty state in the process when I wake up. -

I cope with them by being a silly ass or what seems to be like a rude bitch, but it’s difficult to just downright say what’s going on. don’t want to ruin anyone’s day with my problems and with everything going on, but I must and I never do? I try?? ughh.. If only I could be a bit better with handling things.

I’ll get there, eventually? We’ll see

———

———

I love and "hate" having dreams about living on my own without a care in the world. it’s as if I never had any problems to begin with; sun shining on my face as I realize over time it’s all just a facade and I’ll wake up soon bc it’s just, too perfect..

something is just, off completely? Like I’d ever have a place with stairs and inaccessible hallways and whatnot.. pshh, I’ve never really dreamt about living in an accessible place or anything like that much anyway  bc of the immense ableism put on me growing up

It’s hard to explain that to people as well and makes you feel, alien in some ways

I thought it was something silly I noticed, but over time it just made so sad bc I will never be able to live on my own and never will, but in my dreams I can. which makes it worse on me bc it’s just, not gonna happen champo

-

cooking foods I like and would like to, relaxing at my own pace with no yelling or screaming, opening the door to warm familiar faces.. hurts

I don’t have many scary anxiety induced dreams like I did last year and before. now they’re just, idk very abled and it’s weird and I don’t like em much  

Idk why i never noticed till the end I guess, but it’s better than dreaming of people who used to hurt you and made you feel like shit about your life and your friends as well so that’s a plus in its own ways

ughh, self torture is a bitch and she’s out to get me ughh

[wutthebec]

Liberation

I have a mental illness.

Not what you were expecting, I know. Clearly I wanted to get to the point. This whole thing is kind of new to me, so please, bare with me here. Forewarning, this is not a fluff piece, this is not a “It gets better” piece. It’s a “I don’t fucking know what’s happening to my mind but I want to share my experience so maybe I can get better” piece.

I always thought announcing this to the world would be some brave and poetic grand gesture. It was something I would do In like 10 years from now, when I was all “cured” and better”. Ha. I sat here for 10 minutes trying to write some deep bullshit about graduating high school and suddenly my world felt like it was crashing down around me. I went for the over dramatic guessing game intro but in the nature of trying to stay true to myself, I went right into it.

To be really real with you, I am no better and maybe perhaps worse than when I first realized what all my “episodes” were. It did not add up to me, I just assumed I was a crazy person and that it is what I did. No, Becca, it is not normal that you are always nervous, feel like something bad is going to happen, etc.  It is also not normal that you want to die constantly and the thought of death actually arouses you. Kidding, but not really.

I am sorry, the way I cope is with dark humor. I can’t help it.

Anyways, here is my grand announcement to the world. I cannot wait to be the talk of this years Holiday parties. I am so hype. Maybe my relatives will stop asking me about boyfriends and college, was getting pretty boring.

I have anxiety and depression. Did you read that correctly? I HAVE. Not I am. Let us also get that straight first.

Here is the stigma that gets me, people assume/think because you have these things you are incapable of being a functioning human being. See, what I am is a full-time student. What I AM is a proud Publix employee of three years almost on her way to a promotion, busting my ass at my first job since I was sixteen. What I AM is a friend, a daughter, a want to be comedian, a writer, and many other things. I am not my mental illness. Cliche? Yes, but I stand strongly behind this one.

I do all these things but I do it with this constant cloud. God, I wish I could actually convey the words to you better. It is what it feels like. This giant, asshole cloud who just looms over you and taps you on your shoulder, it says mean things about you and makes you think things that you would never dare to utter aloud.

The hardest thing for me has been self-love. It physically hurts me to actually love myself. It makes me choke up and my stomach hurt. This has been a hard thing for me to swallow, most of my whole life I have been confident in myself. (Shout out to my parents for being awesome and giving my an awesome foundation to which made me that way.) It breaks my heart, somewhere along the way I lost it. Maybe it was between my mom’s cancer diagnosis, losing some of my closest friends and having just a f*cked up time in high school in general.

I KNOW, these things are not so big when you zoom out and examine the whole picture but to a high schooler these things are devastating. I spent most of my mom’s cancer diagnosis pretending it wasn’t happening. I did notice her pain and I did know what was happening but I was a a tweenager who just desperately wanted things to go back to normal.

I tend to do that A LOT. (I know my vocabulary is amazing, I am sure I am impressing all of my former English teachers.) This is my coping mechanism, I will literally ignore things, not talk about my feelings and hope they go away. I am currently working on this and will be giving you updates on how it is coming along. My mom’s cancer after three months of chemo, thank GOD, went into remission. After that, I never thought about it again. It was until years later, what had happened hit me. It hit me really hard. I feel like from 13-17 for me was just a black out. I was just in my own world of selfishness. I felt gross thinking about how I should have held my moms hand while she was writhing in pain from the chemo. How I should have offered to maybe cook more dinners or clean the house.

I KNOW, this is a lot of guilt for a nineteen year-old to carry around on her shoulders and I was just a kid and blah blah blah. I don’t care. That is my mom. I could have lost her forever.

I do not know what happened but when eighteen came around, all the trauma I had suppressed literally hit me like a truck. I felt every single thing. To get to the point, I began HATING myself. I made lists on my phone of everything that was wrong with me, I would literally RUIN opportunities and amazing experiences because I loathed myself so much. I still do, I am better but it is still a struggle.

I began having episodes out of nowhere, without being provoked, of just violently shaking. I could not breathe and I couldn’t do anything but sit there and wait it out. My best friend witnessed me having what I referred to as my episodes and he said “Bec, you are having a panic attack.” It shook me to my core. “WHAT?! ME? Are you serious?” I know you aren’t supposed to make a self-diagnosis but it was pretty obvious. (Side note: my doctor, yes, a real live breathing doctor, confirmed my worst fears)

But like really, holy shit I could not believe I had anxiety and from the super neat quiz I took at the doctor’s office, said I also had mild depression. Put a real doozy on my day.

The hardest part about having anxiety, depression, or any mental illness is accepting it. God, is it hard. I did not accept it, like I said earlier, one of my favorite things to do is to pretend it will go away. It didn’t. I fought and fought. One day it just clicked, I sat myself down and said, “Listen girl, you have this thing but this isn’t who you are. You will have to deal with this for the rest of your life but you will figure out how. You will be okay.” I repeat this to myself constantly.

Like we humans do, we adapt to our surroundings and circumstances. I now have ways to cope with these things and I work on it everyday. Most of the reason I wanted to write this was to give myself a push to go to therapy. It feels so dirty to say “I need to go to therapy.” Like it is some horrible secret to be kept. Ya know what, it isn’t. We should all go to therapy, maybe we wouldn’t be so screwed if we all did. I also felt like keeping this to myself was making everything worse. I would hide panic attacks from coworkers and my parents. I have completely stopped talking and or hanging out with many former really good friends and people in my life because I felt like I needed to keep this a secret.

One thing I wish people understood is that I AM NOT the one pushing you away, this is NOT ME. It is my mental illness, it takes over your brain like a parasite and starts doing everything for you. So please, always give a friend or a family member a benefit of the doubt. I beg whatever being there is to let myself feel love, to let myself feel worthy of having people who care about me. Some days I feel like I do not deserve to have a single person care about me or to have friends or to have anything. I actually think that low of myself. It’s sad and pathetic, but like I said to be continued, I am working on it everyday.

A bright side, not really but kind of, to mental illness is you see what true people in your life are made of. I have had an amazing support system. My best friend is an actual angel baby. He has been nothing but there for me in every amazing supportive way he could be. I have screamed at him to stop being my friend and to go away and that amazing angel baby told me to shut up and let him be there for me. I have an amazing mother, who makes me feel not so crazy because she too has this thing. She never made me feel wrong or invalid. I love her endlessly and she is my #1. I also am grateful for my coworkers and one manager in particular. Thank you for letting me take my five minute walks before I actually burst into a thousand million pieces. Thank you for talking me down and just listening. Everyone should work for Publix, it’s another family that you like slightly more than your real family. (Just kidding?) I just love you all and thank you for loving me through this. I promise I will fight for you and never succumb to this.

I might lose friends, family members or social media friends positive thoughts or respect about who I am as a person for writing this. I don’t care. I didn’t do this for anyone but myself. As I am finishing this I feel better. I know I said this wouldn’t be an “It gets better” piece, I will be writing that one later. For now I am airing my secret and owning it. I don’t care what people think about me and if people think I’m crazy. Guess what? I am and watch ya’ back. I hope maybe someone reading this felt/feels the same way. I wanted to write something addressing anxiety and depression that wasn’t total fairy dust BS. I also wanted to write something that stuck to my narrative and I feel like I totally accomplished that. I hope reading this maybe makes you feel less alone, less afraid, maybe educates you. I hope this evoked something from you. Thanks for reading, love and hugs.- Becca