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practickles · 7 months ago

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HarukAiri Tickle Headcanons

Some of these got LONG. Maybe potential fic ideas.

Tickle fights with these two get REAL.

They are both competitive, stubborn and have ridiculously good physical stamina.

Even panting and teary-eyed, they just. keep. going.

Giving up and admitting defeat doesn't even cross their minds until their voices are hoarse and even the slightest touch has them giggly.

Usually they both either claim to win and “agree to disagree” because they don't want to admit how tired they are OR call it a draw and have a rematch a couple hours later.

There is somehow not EVER a decisive winner.

Anyone who didn't know them might find it moderately concerning.

One of the rare soft forms of competition is typically during movie night/any scenario where they’re holding each other on the couch. One of them will be relaxing and idol-ly (ha) stroking the other’s back before she gets the twitch which is all but a declaration of war.The game then begins and is operated on a set of unwritten rules because to write them would mean admitting they exist. They sit there and geeeently trace each other’s back/shoulders until someone giggles and then has to get absolutely WRECKED. Neither of them have ever acknowledged it to the other.

They don't tickle each other often enough to really consider it something significant in their relationship. Just another form of affection.

Airi ends up ler more often than not purely because she just happens to lean more ler. She very rarely actively craves tickles, at least not in the way Haruka does.

Airi also gives KILLER tickle bites. Haruka is very sensitive to mouth tickles on her stomach and Airi is consequently very good at making her girlfriend’s life hard.

*Can* do raspberries but prefers acting like she’s going to and instead nibbles to her heart’s content.

Tickling is one of Airi’s favorite approaches to Haruka’s body image issues, assuming she’s not in the mood to be serious about them.

Airi generally uses tickling as a way to get Haruka out of her own head.

She also does not hesitate to do it in front of other people too, which Haruka finds flustering to no end. Especially in front of Minori and Shizuku who are two separate flavors of “awwwww!”

Minori does it in an adoring “my idol is so cute right now! She should smile like that all the time!” way.

Shizuku is more of a “what a cute moment between my two dear friends!”

Either way Haruka just wants them to stop cooing at her. (no she doesn’t)

When Haruka is in a lee mood, conceptually, asking Airi is no big deal until she’s in front of her. Something about her big eyes and smug look reduce her to absolute rubble.

Airi, of course, NEVER helps fill in the words. Haruka isn’t getting what she wants until she CLEARLY utters the EXACT words.

“Aw, c’mon Haru! You can be clearer than those mumbles! You do it on stage all the time! In fact maybe we should practice your projection right now too…”

She likes to tease as if tickling is just training. “Oh you’re babbling a lot, aren’t you? A good idol can talk through any amount of strain” And then she doubles down, making her tasks downright impossible.

They are complete opposites on the “scary ler” spectrum.

While Airi is more “everything all at once” and goes for worst spots and stays there before switching up out of nowhere, Haruka tends to be more meticulous, taking the time to find out exactly what the best approach is.

They both have a “ler voice”, I'm not sure how to describe it, but sometimes they'll switch randomly into a tease-y flirty voice and the other knows they’re done for.

I know I’ve talked about precise ler Haruka on here before so I won’t say more than that but I cannot emphasize enough just how bad that is.

One of my favorite pjsk tkl headcanons EVER is that Airi’s stomach isn’t at all ticklish so people will poke once or twice then give up in favor of somewhere different. The actual death spot, however, is in her belly button. No reaction anywhere else on her stomach EXCEPT for there.

Haruka was the first one to figure this out (including Airi herself) and frequently uses it when Airi’s being grouchy.

Haruka uses a lot of “cheer up” tickles. This basically translates to “Airi please take a deep breath and calm down before I have to tickle you to bits just to see you smile.”

Airi doesn’t feel fear often, preferring to deal with her problems head on instead of running away. Haruka in a full tickle monster mood though? She becomes a COWARD (totally justified) It doesn’t happen often, so a lot of energy gets built up at once and then explodes out all at once.

Sometimes she’s just wound up and fidgety, sometimes Airi needs to be knocked down from her podium, really anything can trigger it and it’s sometimes as much a surprise to Haruka as it is to Airi when it happens.

The primary problem is that Haruka both A: Knows EXACTLY how to get to Airi and B: Knows she can take it.

The fact that Airi lers more is more than made up for in pure intensity.

Haruka also, language-wise, has a scarily good memory and likes to throw Airi’s word right back into her face.

“Look how strong I’ve gotten! It’s not fair unless you get the same training.” “What’s that? I thought a good idol was supposed to talk through anything”

Airi is a screamer and Haruka will never admit the self satisfaction that she feels if she can get silent laughter from her.

Same goes for giggly Airi. Just not something that happens.

I made them both seem super mean throughout most of this and maybe they are… a little bit. But it’s out of love! They’re each confident in each other’s ability to withstand it and both know the other (especially Airi to Haruka) needs to let some fun into their life, even if it has to be forced.

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Ignore the date ignore the date guys just ignore the date ignore th-

#project sekai tickles #tickling #sfw tickling community #airi momoi #haruka kiritani #pjsk tickle hcs #tickle hcs #lee!airi #ler!airi #lee!haruka #ler!haruka #practickles 2.24

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sirenjose · 1 year ago

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Melly Backstory Analysis

Melly started out as a “commoner” according to her social status, as well as the talk about Melly’s home village in her 1st letter and the lack of money her family has. It is because of this need that her parents placed “such pressure” on her and called her an “old maiden”.

Calling someone an “old maiden” basically means Melly’s parents were commenting about her not having a husband. At least today, it’s usually derogatory (especially in a way as if they don’t think the person will ever get married).

Her parents though seem a bit… out of touch with Melly. They comment “but I cannot remember a single time anything ever caused you to become upset, ever since you were a child” while the villagers apparently better knew Melly, which was she was unhappy about what they were doing (the pressure and “old maiden” comment). If she’s been like this since she was a child, it seems there’s a good chance this is how they’ve always acted with her. This may mean her parents may have been fairly strict with Melly as she was growing up, not understanding her own interests and likes, prioritizing themselves, and at least not spending enough time asking or thinking about how she may feel or what she may want or think.

This is further emphasized with how they say “we just hope that you can marry well”. Their focus is having enough money and making sure Melly gets married. They don’t seem to have even asked her input on this, or even if they did, probably not in a super understanding way. There really isn’t any mention of what Melly may want. It seems she has to do whatever her parents ask or want of her.

So off Melly goes and becomes a maid at a manor. Once again we see further emphasis on how her parents are with how their first line in the letter is “Your father and I have been waiting anxiously for whatever you can spare this month”. This is before they ask for a word from her or to hear how she is. It shows what their priorities are.

I do wonder about “you can also send along a word or two as you did before”. She at least wrote back about going to marry the lord, but how often does she write otherwise? Makes me wonder if that’s how it’s usually been, even when she was growing up. She must’ve been a fairly quiet, lonely child, unless she spent most of her time away from her parents with the other villagers or outside of their home, which still implies stuff about her.

In any case, she tells her parents that she’s going to marry the lord of the manor (I wonder if this was the 1st time she’d spoken to them in awhile? If she doesn’t talk or write to them much I mean). Her parents, who did want her to marry well, were still shocked after hearing them. So it seems they didn’t expect her to marry *that* well. I doubt that means they didn’t have faith in her to do that well, but the thought did cross my mind anyways.

Melly says she’s been researching insects to have something to talk to him about. We know from Melly’s brief story in the first part of Ashes of Memory Episode 2 that her husband was a “renowned biologist” himself. So in that way, it makes sense for Melly to study insects to be able to have something to talk to him about and get closer to him. The fact her parents don’t understand how this should help shows the didn’t know anything about the lord of the manor Melly works under, even though “the other girls” from the village are implied to go work at the manor as well. Her parents did say they have “never set foot out side the village”, which sort of like with Melly kind of shows how they’re primarily focused on themselves, doing what they need to, and just keeping doing whatever works.

1 thought I had is, maybe Melly was already semi interested in insects before now, but even if she wasn’t, it was during this time when she really started wanting to be an entomologist. Having to study to be able to talk to the lord of the manor about something he also studied, as well as her conversations with him about the subject, probably helped grow this desire over time. It may have been because of this Melly finally discovered something that she enjoyed doing, not just something she had to do for her parents.

So much so she continued researching it even after her husband’s death.

Once again we see more of her parents’ personality when they talk about a good woman being 1 who does all the housework, manages the manor, and is from a good family. They want her to focus on her work, not on what they see is a risk to her losing her job.

To them, they just want Melly to keep doing her job, don’t step out of line, and don’t do anything that she isn’t told to do. I wonder, could we say Melly’s parents are the type who believe in “following the crowd” and “jumping on the bandwagon”? Doing what others are doing, not really trying something different or taking risks. Melly on the other hand seems the opposite. She wants to do her own thing, she wants more freedom, wants to follow her interests if she can, even if that means taking a risk.

Her parents seem to confirm this when they say they are “afraid that if you aim too high, we won't be able to catch you when you fall”. Though earlier before this they did also say they “do not have much to offer you”, which to me feels like they rely pretty heavily on Melly to do stuff for them.

I do still think they do love Melly, as they do say “we hope you can live the best life you can” and to not “sacrifice yourself for the sake of marriage”, but like I said earlier, they seem a bit out of touch with Melly’s interests and also want to play it safe.

It’s from here we get into Melly’s deductions. She does eventually marry the lord of the manor, who we learn is named Joshua Plinius, but it doesn’t remain a happy marriage. We know it ends with his death due to a rare but deadly species of bees.

Before then, we see her deductions mention “sleeping pills” (though we don’t know for sure who they were for. Melly is highly likely, if she wanted it to help her sleep if she was having an unhappy time with him, or maybe she wanted to sleep as a way to avoid him, or it’s possible she used it on him, if not the other way around), Joshua complains of her being “stuck in her own ways” (considering the title of this deduction mentions “individuality”, he may literally mean in her ways, as in her trying to do what she wants then let him tell her what to do, potentially if she wanted him to see her as an equal rather than beneath him. Maybe that’s also why she studied insects. To potentially prove herself, or maybe as she was studying and talking with him, she got the idea of trying to be his equal or just as good as him and have him acknowledge that), they get divorced, she’s seemingly invited to be a teacher, then we get into the lead up to her husband’s death.

Based on her thinking “How will I face the rest of my years with so much missing in my life?”, it seems to be Melly was tired of not being able to do more of what she wanted, of being restricted by those around her, and of being restricted. It’s soon after this she’s mentioned surrounded by bees (which could tie to the 1 that killed her husband) and then her stating “I know what will grant me eternal joy within my mind”. This, combined with her last deduction, should mean she likely made up her mind to kill her husband.

She did say her husband was “extremely meticulous” to his research and even “toward people”. If he showed a lot of attention to details, that could imply he was very particular about various aspects about Melly. He may have been demanding about the things he didn’t like, which potentially eventually wore Melly down until she felt she had to do something.

It is never explicitly stated that she killed him, but this seems the most likely option. Melly says she came her to find out about the bee that killed her husband, as the manor delivered to her a bee specimen that matched with the 1 that killed him. She says she came here to play the game in exchange for the manor owner giving info about that bee species and what caused her husband’s death. But it’s also possible that may not be entirely true.

She said her husband was “meticulous” and ergo that means being very careful. Maybe he was the type not willing to research something so risky or dangerous. Or maybe she in general researched stuff he wasn’t comfortable with, which then irritated him as we see in his deductions, but she refused to stop.

If we go with the idea she caused her husband’s death, and thus she’s the 1 who used the bee on him, rather than to learn about the bee and how her husband died, which she already knows, maybe she came because the manor knowing about that rare bee species implies someone else may have known what she did.

In Orfeo, Melly will leave if she learns you’re a detective or likes to reveal the truth of cold cases. She doesn’t want people to learn she murdered her husband. So, she’s coming to find out who knows and potentially silence them, or to do something for that person in order to guarantee that person won’t reveal what she did to the police.

Melly’s newest B-tier has the description: “With each passing day, the face beneath the veil became more and more unfamiliar, even to herself”. I don’t think she wants people to learn what she did, but I also think Melly is guilty to some degree about killing her husband.

She did start out as a poor but normal village girl, before becoming a maid and then wife of the manor owner. Her parents weren’t very understanding of her and were likely fairly restrictive. She couldn’t show if she was upset or unhappy, she just did whatever her parents wanted her to do. But based on her interest in entomology, I think to some extent she would’ve been happy as a regular villager. Which I think is reflected partially by how she hides her face. She doesn’t care if people think she’s beautiful. She just wants to focus on her research (which I think also partially developed due to growing up as a quiet, fairly lonely child due to who her parents were, so in a sense she’s also always been alone and this is just what she’s always known. That but it’s also likely she’s just the type to prefer the quiet and away from crowds.

Like Norton, I think she was mainly only interested in ensuring she had enough to provide for herself, but after that, she didn’t care about moving up to be the lady of a manor. What she’s wanted even more was freedom to do what she wanted and to follow her own interests and dreams (which is also funny as how that is just like Norton too, who we know only became a miner because his father was one. But similar to Melly, at least he did have an interest in precious ores and metals, which he has a chance to pursue as a “prospector” rather than “miner”, though that was only at the end after everything else). But she’s never been able to do so, first because of her parents, and then because of her husband. Like with Norton, she’s eventually worn down until she stops and thinks about how she’ll be able to live with herself after having missed out on so much and doing so little of what she’s always wanted to do. Everyone wants something from her, but she can never want something herself. Even when she’s finally found something she enjoys, entomology, her husband continues to not want her to have and individuality or restricts what she can do. Eventually she reaches her breaking point, when she decides to go through with a plan to kill her husband and achieve the freedom she’s always wanted.

But she’s very different from who she used to be. She’s no longer just a simple village girl. She’s also lost her innocence now that she’s killed her husband, even if it was because she felt she had no choice. She’s gained her freedom (both from her parents via the money by marrying her husband, and from her husband by killing him), but is she completely happy with herself?

I think like Norton, where he says “they were just unlucky” in his last deduction, in a way she may be trying to justify her actions to herself to help her deal.

As we see with her recent B-tier “Everyday Life”, she sees to hint towards this idea, considering she Is finding it hard to recognize herself, after how much she’s changed, both for good and bad. I wonder if another part of the reason she hides her face is because she’s not happy with who she sees in the mirror? She did want freedom from her husband and parents, so even if she doesn’t regret killing him, I do think she may have preferred it happen a different way. Like if they’d just given her some control, some ability to be an individual. But this isn’t a perfect world and people don’t always get what they want, just like Norton didn’t find gold even after going through 13 different mines.

As I said before, maybe it’s just me, but it feels like Norton and Melly have several similarities. Both didn’t have a choice with the life or environment they got, where they ended up, or what they had to do. In a way, it is both their parents faults for this happening. Then over time, they become so desperate they did something they maybe regret. In some part of their mind, they acknowledge what they did and that it was wrong, which is why we see both of them trying to justify their actions, which implies they both feel some amount of guilt, especially with Melly avoiding people and Norton avoiding the mine and being a miner completely (and both don’t want to talk to detectives).

If Melly has some feelings of guilt, I wonder if for now she’s trying to cope by avoiding thinking about it. Such as by immersing herself in her work, to give herself no time to think, and going out into nature, versus being in the manor where her husband died or even around people. Then there’s the veil she wears, which both may serve as a way to hide from people as well as herself and the person she sees in the mirror.

#idv #identity v #melly plinius #entomologist #idv melly #identity v melly #idv entomologist #identity v entomologist #sirenjose analyses and theories

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applestorms · 2 years ago

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i'm in a bit of a john mood atm, so i wanted to write a post about some of the things that i think fanon gets wrong about him. the biggest thing is that imo a lot of people flatten john a ton in considering him the poster child for Homestuck™ as a story, which sucks because i think it should go the opposite way around. he's the prototype kid, yes, but that just means his unique traits have interesting implications for the rest of the story and homestuck's core themes, not that he doesnt have any unique traits to begin with. john informs homestuck of its themes, the story doesn't inform him of his character traits; sburb gives him the kernelsprite, but he & his friends are the ones doing the prototyping.

so, then, what are those character traits? who is john as a person and how does that inform the story as a whole?

TL;DR: if jade's overarching story arc is about the struggle of loneliness & isolation, john's is about the feeling of falling behind your peers, which is why i think his ending the story depressed works so well

trapped in the s(u)burbs

okay, argument: SBURB is clearly pronounced "sss-burb," like suburb but skipping over the first u. when the kids enter the session they are basically trapped in the world of the game until they can beat it and make the new universe -> they are trapped in the s(u)burbs -> they are home, stuck.

this is a weird line of thought but it's kinda interesting to go through the ways that the (human) kids are trapped in their homes, both physically and emotionally. rose is stuck in that she lives seemingly in the middle of fuckin' nowhere surrounded by a forest, dave is stuck in his apartment due to being watched by an abusive parent, and jade, jake, roxy, & dirk are all stuck in the middle of the ocean. john (and jane) however? they're just in the suburbs.

idk how much this cultural context translates to people living in other countries, but john & jane's original neighborhood is the fucking Epitome of modern american suburbia. i cannot emphasize enough just how much i fucking despise neighborhoods like this: sprawling and empty, they are a modern labyrinth to navigate. every single house looks like it was copy and pasted one spot over, the streets are all named the same thing but with slight differences ("Bluejay Road" vs. "Bluejay Lane" vs "Bluebird Court" HELL), driving through them is agony and walking is impossible. my dad pointed out to me one time that every single house looks like it was painted with a different shade of baby shit and he was correct. and this is not even mentioning the people that live there: i don't want to overgeneralize too much, but these houses are usually pretty big and the fact that they're supposed to be a "safer" place to raise kids makes them decently expensive, so these places are generally very white, very upper-middle class, and you can just. Feel It in the air

so this is where john starts his story. the page (A1:82) was one of the first things that caught my eye when reading homestuck originally, even as a dumb little preteen the age of the characters themselves with barely any greater social consciousness. john starts the story fucking around in his room, talking to all of his friends online, and who could ever blame him when it's such an american wasteland outside. not to get too far into my opinions on american architecture, but if you live anywhere in the united states and ESPECIALLY the suburbs you are basically trapped in the house until you can get your license at 16, transportation entirely at the whims of where your parents can/want to drive you. it makes sense, then, that john's aspect is breath and so heavily tied to transportation, a desire to get out and moving and interacting with the world. the sick irony of sburb, imo, is how that desire is later twisted against him.

when john first enters the session, meteors are beginning to destroy the world and the rest of the entire human population of earth. but to a kid for whom the entire world feels so far away and empty, how much does that really matter? especially when your internet friends, the few people you actually care about, are just going to enter the same game and escape along with you. speaking of,

2. social anxiety & internet friends

one thing i really like about the alpha kids is the fact that you can kinda reverse engineer them and their core character traits from the beta kids, which actually still works within the logic of canon if you consider their biological relationships. not only do the alphas and betas share chumhandle initials, but the person they share with is also the person they are most similar to across generational lines:

rose & dirk are both anal retentive motherfuckers + rose's interest in psychology informs dirk's interest in philosophy/old greek dudes, roxy & dave care about their friends to a fault and serve their needs constantly (emotionally vs. practically, maybe; and also maybe are in love with all their friends to some degree or another too?), jane & jade both have ties with their respective universe-iteration's first guardian and are mentally separated from everyone else at the start of their arcs (jane by not believing roxy and jade by getting prospit visions).

imo rose & dirk have the strongest connection and jade & jane the weakest, and each kid is also pretty unique on their own + informed by their more direct familial relationship too, but i think the chumhandle connection is key in understanding how the characters were initially created in terms of basic personalities, likes, dislikes, etc. since it fits with the stacking nature of how homestuck as a whole functions, both as a story and a world.

so: john & jake. i think fandom has actually done a good job with learning how to appreciate jake better in recent years by figuring out just how much of a persona he puts on to hide his intelligence, but since this is a john post, what's really interesting to me is how that might inform the way we view john.

to start, there are some really obvious connections between john & jake that are as clear as jake's first letter to john (A4:1955): both like pretty shitty movies, are allergic to peanuts, and they're practically identical in terms of appearance. what i see as the key connection however, which informs the entirety of homestuck's medium, is their shared social anxiety.

jake is a very socially anxious dude. all of the alphas are characterized by their inability to communicate and navigate interpersonal relationships, but this is especially true for jake, and i think the most obvious evidence for this is in the specific kind of character that he creates for himself. while realistically we know that jake spends most of his time (pre-brobot, at least) watching movies alone in his room, he specifically likes to take on the persona of an adventurous, extroverted action hero, charming and gentlemanly and generally a dumb jock. it's the dumb part that's important here: jake pretends to be a dumbass himbo so that when he fucks up and hurts people when he manipulates them into doing what he wants, he doesn't have to shoulder as much guilt/blame. he plays up being stupid specifically to avoid the agony of people being mad at him, caring way too much about other people's opinions (A6A2:4587). it's why the trickster arc is so painful for him, and also why he is so non-confrontational.

john is also pretty socially anxious, though i think it's a lot more subtle for him since john's upbeat personality isn't entirely a facade in the way that it is for jake. the most obvious evidence for this is again the fact that he only talks to, like, three people online and his dad. despite being 13, none of these kids ever mention jack shit about school or the other members of humanity about to be murdered by meteors from their own game, and i think that's more than just a necessity of the story considering how much homestuck seems to value realism (at least in terms of characters' emotional reactions & arc). john's dad (as pipefan413) clearly knows the neighbors since in the serious business chatting app you can see fedorafreak & the others also talking about escaping meteors, but the existence of any other kids in the neighborhood is unknown, though i would think likely considering john's early arc is set up to be as normal as possible to set up for the crazy bullshit later. (there's also the whole thing about john's peanut allergy + fear of the "peanut gallery" so)

since homestuck tells almost its entire story through the chatlogs of awkward teenagers, this is one key place where i think john's personality informs homestuck: namely, in its focus on isolation, loneliness, and growing up. SPEAKING OF,

3. childhood ignorance

jake isn't dumb, john isn't dumb, but why do so many people think that they are? for jake it's pretty clearly cause he wants it that way, but for john... i think it's cause he kind of. is? but also, he isn't. let me explain:

john often comes across to me as the most 13 year old 13 year old in the cast of homestuck. he's a sweet kid and intelligent enough for his age, but when that age is 13, there's not necessarily a lot there. john has also had the closest (closest. there's still a lot of weird shit there) thing to a Normal™ childhood out of the entire cast of homestuck (and yes that includes jane, she was the heiress to a corporate empire avoiding assassination attempts at 16, please don't call that shit normal), meaning that, in my opinion, a lot of his (lack of) maturity can be attributed to growing up pretty sheltered. where dave and rose had to contend with overt childhood abuse through toxic/neglectful parents, and even jade had to deal with a dog-parent & dead grandpa, john got a dad that actually cared about him.

this is not a bad thing in and of itself, but john being sheltered does mean that by the time they are actually entering the game and interacting with all these other worlds & alien peoples, he is imbued with a certain distinct ignorance of the greater world that becomes a very significant weakness in a story fucking dripping with semi-omniscient narrators that live to make you suffer. and, from the way he scribbles on the walls (A3:1049), this is something john is both aware of and frustrated with, calling himself a FOOL, tying to the tarot card (#1, his role as protagonist), the harlequin thing (clowns & their incredible pull on the meta of homestuck), & his anxieties (feeling ignorant & out of your depth stepping out of childhood into a world much broader and more complex and cruel than you're prepared for)

4. not a homosexual

i think i'm gonna run out of space here, so i'm just gonna copy & paste some hussie commentary here & maybe reblog this w/ some analysis of john & karkat's dynamic/parallels as "leaders" later (and maybe some june thoughts too):

5. successfully saved the world: the hero is depressed

okay, so earlier in part 1 i ended with a question:

but to a kid for whom the entire world feels so far away and empty, how much does that really matter?

i mostly left the answer to this implied earlier since it made more sense for the transition, but i think homestuck proper does give us an answer to this: it does matter! it just isn't until the end of the story, after they've won the game and finished the session, that it really starts to set in the extent of what they've lost.

so this entire post was largely motivated by another post i read earlier, which questioned why john in the snapchat credits didn't just go to live with the crockers. i gave a long ass commentary in the notes on that post, but my conclusion was basically this: john is depressed (!!!) and depression makes you apathetic & lose all motivation to do anything.

i've focused a lot on john's early life and the beginning of the story in this post, which is maybe in part because i've been rereading from the beginning recently, but also because john kind of loses touch with everyone else in the story as soon as he enters the session.

i think this is often read as just being a product of john's classpect, heir of breath. john doesn't just inherit breath when he godtiers, he also becomes it in a very literal sense (can't fucking find the page where he transforms into wind but ugh, whatever), so he when he literally loses touch with the reality of the story after gaining his retcon powers, it follows with the thematic concept of him being breath. this isn't bad, but i think it also goes further, again connecting with that idea that john is basically the "main character" of homestuck, which is actually a very unfortunate title as it means john in particular gets very wrapped up sburb & the story as a whole in a very literal sense. again: retcon powers.

for all my frustrations with the execution of the retcon, i can't deny that it makes a shit ton of sense for john to get those kinds of powers, since his character and position as the starting kid has always been so closely entwined with the story of homestuck as a whole (see: the entire rest of this post). it also ties back to that idea of john being particularly vulnerable as a naive kid in a world of maliciously omniscient characters (e.g. doc scratch, but also vriska/terezi & all of the trolls to some degree), puppetted around by the story and slowly losing all connections with "reality" and the rest of the cast (his friends!!)

you know all those scenes where john starts interacting w/ the shittily-drawn caliborn versions of all his friends? (or this page: (A6I5:6207)) that has always come across as kind of sad to me, because it feels representative of john's (lack of) connections to his friends by that point in the story. he gets so swept up in Plot Bullshit that he basically loses most of the contact he has w/ the people that were his closest friends for years (ik people hate inversion theory but he & karkat really are complementary in some ways), and that loss of connection just exacerbates his previous anxieties about being ignorant. the conversation between him, dave, & karkat on the meteor is really revealing of this (A6A6I5:7487). where dave & karkat & everyone else got three years to sort through their shit together, john was getting dragged off to make the story make sense again, technically completely losing everyone he had known and grown up with. it's not just that dad crocker is different: everyone is different.

(this also has the kind of even more depressing alternate implication that john doesn't even really get the chance to feel that difference outside of jade, since he wasn't able to connect with "his" original dave, rose, etc. in the pre-retcon timeline regardless. great!)

john's depression has always been one of my favorite parts of his character arc tbh, which ig is a weird thing to say, but it just makes so much sense to me as the next step in his story, if not the true conclusion. it's only after winning the game that john really starts to catch up with everyone else in terms of maturity and understanding, and by that point, when everyone already feels so far ahead, how could he possibly catch up? (the answer is that he can, just not alone, but it is that exact feeling of not being able to that makes him isolate in the first place. depression is a fucking shithole)

so much of homestuck is about loneliness, but in turn so much of homestuck is also about social connections, about the people around you that you love and care about and change your life. where karkat is able to heal the connections of the people around him by helping them through their interpersonal relationship bullshit, john gets caught in the wind of the plot and loses his connections, thus losing his ability to really mature as a person at the same rate as everyone else (not to mention how he might've felt behind in the first place). but still, even w/ john's arc ending on a heavy, perhaps unsatisfying note at the end of homestuck proper, i like to think there's still a lot of hope for him: after all, his dearest friends and family are all right there. he just needs to get off his ass and start talking to them.

(sidenote: while editing this part of the post, i suddenly realized just how sad it is that karkat and john talk so goddamn little in all of the post-canon shit. which fucking sucks actually because karkat would be the perfect person to yell at someone until they finally get off their ass and start trying to be a person again, exactly what john needs after the game imho. pumpkin route you are forming in my mind)

uhh anyways, i don't know how good of a job i did at tying this post back to my original goal, but if you read this far, thank you. i have been typing nonstop for like four straight hours (ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᶦʳᵗᵉᵉⁿ ᵐᶦⁿᵘᵗᵉˢˀ) and i think my right ring finger is about to fall off.

bonus: 6. john is hussie???

OKAY, actual finale, this is quick and dumb but this idea comes pretty much entirely from a couple random lines of hussie commentary from a john & dave conversation on (A2:324):

John makes some pretty sassy quips here. I like the "15th day in a row" line, which makes sense since I was the one who actually said it in a real conversation about this.

most people make the connection between hussie & dave (& dirk, i suppose) since dave's sense of humor is basically just unfiltered hussie, but this comment makes me wonder what was put into john too (though i suppose you could consider all fictional characters imbued with some aspect of their author). i'm not super into psychoanalyzing hussie as a person through homestuck itself, but if you're into that, here ya go.

#the one thing this post is missing is the significance of john's movie taste #but unfortunately i think i'm too young and i grew up on basically none of that shit so :skull:#someone else is gonna have to make up for that #hs #astronaut rambles #super long post #wrote this while procrastinating an actual essay are you proud of me #i like john if you couldn't tell i vibe with june a lot #probably cause i kinda physically look like her + peanut allergy lol #and her childhood is vaguely similar..... idk i just get the arc kinda #shoutout to the homestuck wiki btw #saved my ass #i wrote this all in one sitting and now i kinda hate myself for it #fingers hurt #homestuck #john egbert #The John Post #update: edited!

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charmixpower · 2 years ago

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For the bingo ship, Flora x Riven or Stella x Bloom, please

Rewriting this, wah!

It's a story as old as time, local mom friend who needs to learn to be more selfish and ex badboy who needs to learn to emphasize more start dating and balance each other out

This ship is stupid fucking adorable and I love it and the main reason I wanna make Riven and Flora besties just

Flora to Riven: have to considered looking at it like this?

Later, Riven to Flora: You know you should do more stuff for yourself

I just–super cute, I love I love

I even love the primary conflict they'd have in their relationship

Flora feels insecure because Riven can't say I love you. Just yesss

Riven genuinely cannot express this (Ive met people who can't say I love you because they were always met negatively when they said it) and Flora just feels BAD because she knows it isn't his fault but she still feels super insecure and doesn't know if he loves her

Riven feels horrible because since he can't tell her he loves her without a panic attack coming on she's upset and he just feels so bad

They'd work through it, find a way to communicate this without having to outright say it (which is the workaround I've found with my friends who struggle with this) but it would be such a good nobody's at fault conflict that shows with dealing and overcoming both of their own personal struggles!!

I love to imagine Musa and Helia help them both with this, sussssh it's so cute

S2 Floriv would be everything. Riven trying his best to work on himself without any outside help, Flora feeling useless because he won't let her help, Riven telling her that he wants to be good person in his own right without requiring someone else, Flora turning into a puddle of goo

Like ough

They wouldn't have the benefit of being knowledgeable about each other's specific trauma effects each other without a lot of conversations and work (hence the I love you problem in the first place) but I totally feel like they'd be able to work past it

Riven would SO being back Flora weird plants he sees on Missions and Flora would be so fucking delighted

Flora would make stuff for Riven (like a candle) and he would be like "ah, this is love"

Riven love survivalist shit and Flora is the fairy of nature they could talk for hours but Riven prefers just listing

Fuckin Flora and Riven ships of all time

Plus it would be cute to see Flora get a little grumpy with him when he teases her. I have not seen enough playful arguing from Flora and I need more of it. She absolutely watches him make a dumbass of himself (like she did to Tecna in s1) for funzies as revenge

Kinda obsessed you know how it be

Okay I'm making a little time line

Floriv shippers get your fucking JUICE, this is gonna be long

S1:

No romantic connection, but Flora notices that Riven seems very off after dating Darcy though everyone thinks he's being his usual dick self. Flora tells him at some point that she doesn't know what's going on but she'll be here for him because no one deserves to be alone.

Riven jumps off of CT and gets back up despite his injuries because he hopes there's one person who'd be sad if he died. Flora heals him and they are now friends

S2:

Riven is nursing one hellva crush on Flora but keeps it to himself because of his low self esteem and because he isn't ready for a relationship so soon after Darcy. Flora and Riven hang out a lot as friends.

Flora doesn't blame Riven for being lied to and Riven appreciates how she's patient with him and he does as much as he can to show this. Riven hangs out a lot with the new girl who reminds Flora a bit of Riven in s1, with her hyper independent attitude and she's so proud to see Riven attempting to give her advice based on his history. After the Trix show back up he hangs around much more out of paranoia and struggles to communicate this (though Musa seems to understand immediately, something that makes Flora feel a little jealous but she doesn't know why yet).

Riven immediately bonds with Flora's pixie Chatta and she gets to see a bit of his old self in a new positive way with him talking excitedly and openly with Chatta, showing a lot more energy that he usually does becoming a lot more subdued after Darcy. Flora adores her pixie for making Riven more lively. Flora meets Helia, Riven's new friend who just decided they were friends and drags him around now and thinks he's quite silly and befriends him as well. He asks her out but she declines and he asks her if theres someone else and shes like "what noooo" and he's like "sure lol".

Turns out Riven loves adorable things and really adores the pixies so she introduces him to all of the other pixies and he's like =D and Flora thinks its super cute and OH. That's why she's been feeling like that, huh. Flora is now extremely distracted with her new crush, daydreaming about Riven dating her and saying that he'll do anything for her and stuff which isn't far off, and Aisha notices and IMMEDIATELY goes to bother Riven about it who's all depressed about his crush because he has low self esteem and Aisha gets sick of the "I don't deserve someone like her" narrative like three minutes after she first hears it. She tells Riven to man up and Riven continues being a depressed onion.

Helia comes around and mentions to Flora that Riven really talks her up often and encourages him to ask her out before learning that she previously rejected him and makes Flora feel like 17 different emotions. Aisha and Musa become friends, Aisha realizes that Musa has a lot of things in common with Riven and starts slightly bugging her about what she thinks he's going on about to help Flora. Musa is completely shameless in her match making attempts and Flora is like hhhhhh. Flora is encouraged to ask Riven out but Flora says that Riven is still in a delicate place due to Darcy and she's right so Musa and Aisha drop it.

When Flora meets Diaspro she's more upset at her upbringing than she is in canon, focusing on that instead of telling Diaspro to be better for her people, due to Riven's influence, she tells Diaspro to become better for herself and that she should be free. I firmly believe that Riven should of been allowed to save the CT witches and so he does in my Canon, and the witches are super thankful because I like watching Riven squirm under the attention he's literally always wanted.

Anyways twinning with the witches is mostly witch girlies teasing Flora about Riven and Flora going "noooo, he's not even looking for a relationship" and them "if you don't date him I will". I think Riven being super popular in CT and disliked at the other schools is very funny, sue me. Flora still let's Aisha take the lead and struggles to share her own input or tell the witch girlies she'd like to be left alone, leading Aisha to go off on her own without Flora. Flora ends up in the heart of CT and nearly gets ambushed by the Trix but is saved by Griffin, who makes it known that she assumed that would happen between her and Aisha and Flora actually snarks at her which is something she hasn't done to someone yet and from not on doesn't like her that much.

Riven fucking hates Avalon because he reminds him of Darcy and now Flora is low key suspicious of him but doesn't saying to Bloom. She tells Tecna and Musa tho, but doesn't tell Aisha in fear of her doing something on her own. They go to the Wildlands, the Trix show up, and Riven immediately goes to Flora for help once he senses them. Flora is EXTREMELY confused because she can't transform or use much magic and Riven is like "can you still hear the voice of nature" "yes but-" "what is the problem" and Flora is VERY confused at how she and Timmy ended up leading the fight back against the Trix.

She ends up getting her Charmix after getting confident in herself and her own plans after getting in a disagreement with one of the others and sticking to her guns. She is so excited!! Floriv survivalist otp for the entire arc I am just saying.

She confidently heals the Flower of Life after getting her Charmix and she's like "wowowow, I love trusting myself" and Riven is like quietly clapping in the background because he doesn't want to distract her.

Flora cringes at the fact that Riven was super right about hating Avalon, and is now planning on taking his "this person sets off my paranoia so much" comments much more seriously.

Flora is nervous to save Bloom, Riven is like "girlie (affectionate) you helped save Alfea, your probably one of the most powerful Charmix faries to ever live, you got this" but in a much more aggressive Riven-y way and Flora is like ❤️. They hug before going to fight Darkar, all of their friends BEGGING them to talk about their feelings but no 💕💕💕💕. They will not.

Flora offers to hold back Darkar on her own while Musa prepares a powerful attack, Musa agrees, Flora draws Darkars agro and Riven does the thing™. Musa gets the attack in stunning Darkar for a moment so she can try and take the spell he put on everyone off, while Flora IS FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. Riven confesses at the worst fuckin moment because he's Riven and Flora is like "love you too BUT YOU ARE DYING".

They win, happily ever after.

S3:

Riven seeing Flora when he comes to the beach: I did the summer program at RF again, heres a pretty plant for u 💕💕 I saw it during a mission and brought it back

Flora, who has like 13 of those: Awe your so sweet

Riven hears Flora talk about Chimera and Cassandra and is like "paranoia says shes bad" and 12 seconds later guess what happens? Chatta nearly thinks its funny but gets the disapproving mom stare. Tho he also mentions that Chimera is too young to know better and that they should try reaching out to her because of this is how her mom reacts when given power over Stella and Radius, imagine how she acts to Chimera who she's always had power over. Flora is like "did not think about that, will do".

Riven watching Flora help spell Brandon to see Stella's inner self: I do NOT approve of spelling people without there consent, and will not be a part of this

Riven, Nova, and Chatta form a gossip squad. Flora tries to laugh too hard.

Diaspro says no to Valtor, choosing to be happy without anyone else, Valtor does NOT take kindly then re offers to Samara and Erendor after putting Diaspro under his then their control.

Riven hears about Valtor's past and has a mini Darcy spiral out of fear, and Flora calms him down.

Drugged Sky: I love Diaspro

Drugged Diaspro: I love Sky

Riven, who's been under emotion control spells before: THAT'S SUSPICIOUS, THAT'S WEIRD

Bloom is all upset while Riven is FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. Riven is like "those two are under so much mind control Aisha DO SOMETHING" and everyone agrees to immediately do something (because they all have 0 impulse control) and Flora is like "Samara is a guardian fairy. I wanna save Sky too but... we're just not strong enough rn" and they're all sad but agree. Yes Samara is a guardian fairy, I need her to be powerful enough to make the Sky situation not be solved instantly.

Stella gets her Enchantix by saving Chimera who she's been trying to reach out too, Chimera immediately starts sobbing and saying she doesn't want to go back to Cassandra but also can't leave and asks Stella to come back and save her and Stella agrees.

Flora and Tree Faragona: *having a intense conversation*

Everyone else: 🧍

Riven after seeing Floras Enchantix: you got really hurt ;-;

Flora: NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FELT WHEN YOU FUCKING DIED FOR ME

Riven: irrelevant

Flora: NO!! IT'S NOT

Tecna's gone and BOY HOWDY IS NO ONE TAKING IT WELL. Riven trusts Timmy about Tecna more this time around.

Everyone wants to go kill Valtor and Flora talks them down, instead, now that they have Four Enchantix Faries they can take down Samara and Cassandra who have been using their royal powers to help Valtor, and then go off to take they're rage out on Samara in a STUPIDLY hard fight (because fighting gravity will always suck) where they barely win.

Bloom goes to pyros, and Cassandra puts Solaria on fucking lockdown because Samara got her ass whooped as a guardian fairy and Cassandra is a Charmix fairy....yeah she knows she's done for as soon as the Winx get their hands on her.

Riven is able to help Timmy a little more than before because a certain nature fairy taught him some meditation techniques he passes on to Timmy. Also he helps Sky get therepy because being under mind control spells suck a lot and Riven is helping him all he can, Flora is sooo proud.

The boys do not go to Omega, only magic users can't immediately fucking turn to ice when standing on Omega. They're forced to stay home. They do see Bloom, who's SUPER happy to see that Sky again and tells them all about her Enchantix and Riven is like "as someone with an anger problem, I think you have an anger problem" and Bloom is like "no".

Flora: then this weird guy Ophir showed up who was watching us and can make copys of himself

Riven: *gasp* DARCY

Flora: no—

The girls make a plan to sneak into Solaria, Riven helping with the sneaking part because he's good at that, Helia and Sky helping with their connections, Brandon helping with the lying part, and Timmy doing tech support. They get in with a fuck ton of glamours from Mirta and the ability to pick locks and lie like their life depends on it. Cassandra gets her ass kicked so hard by Stella and Stella adopts Chimera.

Helia video chatting the girls: 🥰

Riven seeing Ophir: *gasp* DARCY!

Helia: well you were right about Avalon....go crazy

Riven, getting on his bike: I will!!

Riven tries to stab Ophir again and Flora is like "RIVEN HAVE BEEN OVER THIS" and she gets him to calm down, golden kingdom happens and she's very happy to see that he and Ophir have become besties

Bloom trying to kill Valtor and nearly getting herself killed because she hesitated: I should lean more into my anger Issues, not being angry enough is my problem

Riven and Flora: NO!!!

Flora talks to Bloom about her nightmare differently because Riven constantly goes on about how obviously Valtor is lying about Bloom's family and she tells her this because duh.

Bloom: I wanna talk to the ansestal witches

Riven: absolutely, and I cannot stress this enough, the FUCK NOT

Riven: why would the most evil people ever not lie to you???????

Bloom: y'all hear something

The Winx defeat Valtor and Riven is all like "where's the body?" Because he's Riven and everyone tells him to chill but Bloom is like "uh, just checked...." And everyone is like "goddamn it"

Helia get corned by Valtor and is VERY upset atm bc he couldn't do shit and feels like he failed his friends everyone is freaking the fuck out about their bfs. Except Musa who is dating Aisha and Aisha who is dating Musa. Bloom calms tf down for once in her life to eat Valtor's dragon flame, happily ever after.

S4:

This is were the I love you drama happens. They haven't had any real problems and I like interpersonal struggles that are no one is at fault and they both work it out and grow. No I'm not doing all of s4 with them because FUCK season 4 but I'll do a highlight reel

Flora becomes a teaching assistant at Alfea and Riven talks about how Helia and Saladin offered him a job at RF but he's still thinking about it

Bloom wants to see if there's any magic on earth at all so drags the Winx to the tree of life to see and WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, A WEIRD AMOUNT OF MAGICAL PEOPLE ALL IN THE SAME PLACE

Flora, who knows exactly what Riven would say: that's suspicious, that's weird

Riven grumps about the glamor and how he looks weird as an earthling and now Flora looks much prettier as herself and then immediately backtracks bc "not that implying that you aren't pretty now, but" and Flora so laughs at him

Riven takes one look at the Believix powers and FREAKS THE FUCK OUT, until it's explained that all they do is help people think more clearly or unrepress their empathy and Riven calms down but asks them to be careful with them

Bloom tries to have Roxy take the white circle (or mind control ring as Riven calls it) Riven throws a chair at her, and Flora actually gets mad at Bloom for suggesting that bc she's seen how mind control has REALLY fucked up Riven and thought that Bloom would understand because she's with Sky but apparently not. Bloom feels horrified she just pissed off group mom

Flora says it like that too, just very disgusted, Bloom has a little crisis and keeps the ring

Riven and Flora adopt Roxy

Roxy brings up that she and Riven are super cute but why do they never say I love you? Anxiety sets in

Riven is suspicious of the Earth faries bc MIND CONTROL DUH, and so is everyone else but they decide they probably did it because they've been trapped so long and are super upset and Riven is like "fair"

Diana kidnaps Riven and now Flora is even more sure that she's gonna 1v1 the bitch

Flora puts off talking to Riven about the thing™

Riven looking at Flora's Lovix: *cant form a coherent sentence*

Flora: 🥰

Flora sees all the trees being cut down and is like "I understand the eco terrorism Diana, me too bestie, but you can't punish everyone! Just the people in charge 🥰🥰"

Flora: hold my flower I have an ass to kick

Riven: kick her ass babe I got your flower

Flora talks to Musa about how she's feeling and Musa says she and Aisha have the same problem but know they care about each other and Riven has a talk with Brandon who says he should show he cares as much as he can and show his love though action

Riven fuckin laughs the back circle out of the frutti music bar and no one believes them. No one. They've delt with Valtor and Darcy and know what a liar FINALLY looks like

Bloom and Tecna fight Nebula, and Bloom feels more bad about the Roxy thing

Flora keeps Roxy as warm as possible

Nabu is alive!!!! And Helia fucking kills Duman instead because Riven got the idea to do shifts lest they get taken as hostages again

The war happens

GOOD BYE ORGON YOU FUCKING PRICK

happily ever after for realzs this time

The end!!!

Yeah I fucking love this ship XD

#rus chatters #asks #ask game #flora x riven #winx flora #winx riven #winx club

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jp-cuconyan · 2 years ago

Text

Bocchi the Rock! Ep.1 | Swapping Parts of Her Lunch with the Teacher

Bocchi: The girl who ends up all alone at a picnic, swapping parts of her lunch with the teacher. Bocchi the Rock! Ep.1 | 0:17

This scene is one of the moments in the beginning of Ep. 1 that explains how lonely she was during her childhood before she started learning the guitar.

In Japanese elementary and junior high schools, lunch is usually provided as a school meal, so when it comes to events like this, it is customary for parents to go through the trouble of making special bento boxes.

When it's time for lunch at an event like this, it's customary to sit in a free area within a designated space and have lunch with a small group of close friends, so it's a popular way to enjoy sharing the special lunch with friends, showing each other the contents and exchanging a few bites.

(Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, it may not be necessarily common in recent years to have lunch like this in a picnic, but it has been a longstanding common practice.)

During such fun-filled lunchtime, eating alone with a teacher, without being able to join any group of classmates, is a symbolic representation that strongly conveys the fact of being a friendless child.

Of course, teachers may follow up by talking to the children to ensure that they are not left out of such a group, but children who finally fail to join any groups will eat lunch with their teachers in this way.

A child who has to eat with a teacher like this suffers an intense sense of inferiority because he/she is the only one who cannot join the group while all the other children have friends to eat with, and this is noticeable to the children around them, so that lunch time turns into a painful time of being humiliatingly exposed.

At first glance, this may just seem like a scene where she happens to be having lunch with a teacher because she has few friends, but from a Japanese perspective, it is a brief and powerful scene that shows that she had no friends at all and had experienced this painful loneliness that comes with it.

If you were Japanese and said to a Japanese person, "When I was a child, I had lunch at school picnics with only my teacher," that is symbolic enough to tell that you did not have any close friends at that time.

Bocchi: (The online world is where I belong. Sorta makes me not wanna go back to school…) Ep.1 | 9:01~

This is a scene in a park on the way back from school, where Bocchi tried to gather bandmates by dressing up in a “band girl” style (see my previous post for details) and failed.

This line is, to be precise, monologuing as below:

Only the online world is where I belong. I don't wanna go to school anymore…

She had always felt difficulty in her social skills since she was young, and as a hope to change herself and her world, she diligently practiced guitar for long hours every day for three years.

It must have taken a lot of courage to reveal herself in a way like a last resort that undoubtedly exposed her as a "band girl".

However, she was confronted with no one being interested in her, which must have caused a considerable sense of despair.

As this anime is fundamentally comical, this line in this scene does not strongly emphasize a tragic feeling, but it was a moment that truly conveyed the emptiness realized by a lonely young girl in reality.

It is not always appropriate to think of the “what if” of a story easily, but if she had not met Nijika here, I think it would not have been surprising if Bocchi had become a shut-in from the next day onwards.

#bocchi the rock #bocchi the rock!#japanese

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overtake · 1 year ago

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how DID you become a max girlie ? ❤️

This accidentally turned very long-winded so it’s going under a read more. TLDR: I consumed all content of Daniel I could get my hands on, which naturally included a ton of Max, and he really struck me as just a weird little guy that I wanted to put in a glass jar and shake around. Related, this tiktok makes my heart burst with fondness and it explains a lot of the “I just want to perform science experiments on him and keep him fed and warm” attitude I have towards him.

It started with the on the sofa videos. He was so funny and lively, and I was extremely confused why everyone made him out to be this soulless robot. He’s clearly very passionate and serious about what matters to him (racing), but he’s just a completely normal, fun guy. Maybe his personality isn’t for everyone - he’s not going to fake nice and he doesn’t have the same universal charisma that someone like Daniel does, but he’s so funny and entertaining in a more subtle way. Daniel constantly talking about how Max is unintentionally funny is exactly it. Max is so himself, unshakeable and matter-of-fact with a little bit of goofiness and inappropriate jokes. Also, the way Max is so unimpressed by fame and celebrity is so refreshing. He doesn’t give a fuck about status, he cares if you’ll listen to his stories about his cats or play iracing with him or indulge his long-winded explanations about every nuance of the car. It’s nice to see how utterly unaffected he is by the fame.

I was already becoming turned around on him around winter-time with all this content, but I didn’t know how I’d feel about him going into a season. I started watching some old races, and he was so much fun to watch. Then I made the potentially poor choice to search “Max Verstappen” on tiktok and oooo boy. I came out of that three hours later in a fog of fondness and that weird kind of protective attraction that first strikes a lesbian’s heart when she’s about to add another little guy to her eclectic collection of celebrity men.

I’m not used to individual sports since I only watch team ones, but I became really obsessed with Max’s drive and determination to win without apology. It’s so much fun - I can’t believe people hate him for Brazil. That shit was both petty and deserved. He has his morals and beliefs and he will stand by them, and he’s not rolling over for his teammate who was happy to screw him over. I wasn’t a Max fan then, but I was so thrown off by the outrage and hatred for him. Even if we didn’t know it was about Monaco, Max takes racing so seriously. I know he wouldn’t fuck around in a race and have had these talks with the team beforehand if it wasn’t for a legitimately founded reason. I think people just want to think the worst of him at all costs.

Then I became extra endeared from his documentary. That man loves racing so much that he puts up with the utter bullshit he has to deal with every race weekend - he seemed so stressed by crowds, extra interviews, etc. He’s not here for that and doesn’t want to put on this show. He just wants to drive. And then at home and with his family, he was so soft and funny. There were so many fun little nuggets of information (Max having a Harley? Okay, slay). Of course, the cat bits were deeply important as well. It’s obvious how much his childhood affected him, even when he usually laughs off what his dad put him through or avoids discussing how he grew up largely without his mom and sister. I found him a really resilient person who became a talented driver and genuinely kind-hearted person in spite of Jos’ shit.

I love that he doesn’t put on an act with the media. I am so sick of the same platitudes, the recycled and sickly sweet and fake ways to talk around shit. I think f1 in general is way better for getting real, raw quotes (I cannot emphasize enough how fucking unbearably boring hockey pressers are. If you get a coach saying a ref did a bad job, he’s getting fined and the whole hockey world will debate it for three days). But Max in particular doesn’t hide his contempt for their bullshit and tells it how it is. It’s so funny to watch him put people in their place.

Also: cat dad. Cat dad. Cat dad!!! Very important quality to me. I know people joke about cat dads being a green flag, but they really are. Max is so sweet with his little demons. He’s also so soft and kind to children, always making time for them (which is bare minimum human decency obviously, but it’s very cute how good he is with them as well. He really engages with them and gets down to their level and understands their boundaries well - like with that girl at silverstone who was very obviously overwhelmed and shy, and he talked with her while very carefully keeping his distance to make sure she was comfortable and felt safe and had a good experience).

In sum: there was no one moment where a light bulb just went on, but he grew on me so much the more I learned about him. It’s so much fun being a Max fan (and I don��t just mean winning, though that’s very fun after being a long-suffering fan of a cruel flop hockey team). The community of Max fans is so much fun, just celebrating all his weirdness and bad habits, and genuinely loving and embracing him for all his track terrorism and obvious hatred of the f1 circus. I’ve never seen so many people talk about wanting to eat a man (his love handles and thighs are that good though, very true). Letting myself actually learn about him and love him instead of trying to conform to the peer f1blr pressure to hate on him once I realized there might be something more to him (even when half those people seem to secretly consume and enjoy content with him anyway while pretending they can’t stand any part of him) is the best thing I’ve ever done.

#um #this got very long-winded christ #i’m so sorry #long post #ask

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kierrasreads · 2 years ago

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Tales from the cafe by Toshikazu Kawaguchi Review

SPOILERS AHEAD

Plot

In a small back alley in Tokyo, there is a café which has been serving carefully brewed coffee for more than 100 years. But this coffee shop offers its customers a unique experience: the chance to travel back in time....

From the author of Before the Coffee Gets Cold comes a story of four new customers, each of whom is hoping to take advantage of Cafe Funiculi Funicula's time-travelling offer.

Among some faces that will be familiar to listeners of Kawaguchi's previous novel, we will be introduced to:

The man who goes back to see his best friend who died 22 years ago,

The son who was unable to attend his own mother’s funeral,

The man who travelled to see the girl who he could not marry,

The old detective who never gave his wife that gift....

This beautiful, simple tale tells the story of people who must face up to their past in order to move on with their lives. Kawaguchi once again invites the listener to ask themselves: what would you change if you could travel back in time?

Discussion

This book actually made me cry. While all of the stories were sad, "Married Couple" got to me the most. Not only do we see Kiyoshi travel back in time and talk with Kazu's mother, we learn that Kazu is pregnant. We also learn more about Kazu's tragic backstory. I legit cried when Kazu finally allows herself to be happy and her mother's ghost vanishes, seemingly to move on once she knows that her daughter has finally let go of the guilt that she's been carrying for over 20 years.

When I read "Kazu's spring has just begun," I had to set the book down and process the array of emotions that I was experiencing at that moment. I honestly relate to Kazu; I'm still grieving the death of my beloved aunt, who tragically passed away two years ago this May. For a while, I just felt numb and went about with business as usual: going to class, doing homework, and going to work teaching first graders how to use blocks of ten to figure out math problems or teaching college students how to use semicolons and how to correctly cite an article using APA 7th edition. I refused to confront my grief until one day, I allowed myself to face my feelings and begin the slow process of healing. I know that I sound like a walking cliche, allowing myself to actually feel something, but until you go through those stages of grief, you won't understand. Yukio is another demonstration of the guilt that's always chained to grief; he does turn his life around, reinstating the adage "it's never too late to start over."

Kawaguchi sensei's writing style is beautiful, with a few awkward bumps along the way. I'm not sure if that's tied to a translation issue or if Kawaguchi sensei did that purposefully. Regardless, his poignant writing style strikes an emotional cord. Through his use of third-person omniscient, the reader feels what the amateur time travelers are feeling.

There are some content warnings, so I'm listing them here:

D*ath

Grief

Loss of parent

Miscarriage

Cancer

S*icidal thoughts/s*icide mentioned

I cannot emphasize this enough, you need to read this series. My next review will be on Before Your Memory Fades, the third book of this series. I just know that it'll be as good as its predecessors.

Rating

5/5

#kierra's reads #bookblr #tales from the cafe #toshikazu kawaguchi #before the coffee gets cold

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creativebrainrot · 2 years ago

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I want to write up a little open journal entry about yesterday, and well. Life, lately.

Content Warning for the death of a pet. mentions of abuse. mentions of my abuser.

Today was the day of my childhood pet's vet appointment. BK had been off her thyroid medication since late January / early February this year. I didn't realize how long that was, my dad had been trying and failing to save up for her healthcare. Yesterday, she was panting, didn't want to be touched, on top of other health issues we noticed this/last week, and we knew she was dying. One day off of her appointment, after we finally had managed to save up. When we set the appointment it was a 17 day long wait, and I knew she wouldn't make it. She was put to rest yesterday, I asked my dad to take her to vet to be put to sleep. I've watched too many animals die slowly in this house because we couldn't take care of them. We had saved up just enough for her euthanasia.

The night of the 25th I thought she was already dying, so I pet her and laid my head on her body like one last goodbye but she woke up. I tried to sleep but I had to check on her one more time before I could and when I looked where she usually was, she was still staring at my bedroom door.

When I woke up she was already in a bad state.

I got one last goodbye and goodmorning from her.

she was a really cute cat, I had her since I was 4 or 5. She died at 17 or 16 years old and she was so so so happy and sweet and cute for every single one of those years.

I couldn't go to the vet's with my dad. I had just woken up and I despise crying infront of other people. I don't like it. (I don't like it because I don't look how I should. no other reason. people see a "short little girl" and I hate it.)

We tried to work a bit yesterday, the day she left. But our car's engine light came on, and that was just too much to deal with.

I have no reason to stay in this house anymore. Neither does my dad. Today, 27th of April, 2023, we're going to seriously start moving. Selling things we don't want, packing up what we do want.

We spent this whole year so far trying to just save up enough to move smoothly but honestly? I think it will feel smooth even if we have to buy a car that's definitely a one-way ticket. Even if it's the worst used-lemon of a car we've ever driven before, we'll be somewhere that's finally our's.

This house was the very last bargaining chip our abuser used against us. I cannot emphasize enough that everything was rigged against us from the very start. The mortgage company won't talk to my dad. When our abuser was alive they didn't talk to my dad either- none of the companies did. My dad wasn't the sole owner so he never got to apply for any of the housing aid he wanted to. and then desantis. who doesn't exactly "like" poor people. like us. or anyone remotely like us at all, actually.

If we can just get to somewhere new- be it a mobile home, two apartments, a house in a state like this one, it will STILL be an upgrade. Because the system, including our own personal abuser, never let this be our house. This is just "where we're stuck living," and it's been that my entire life.

my dad wanted so badly to fix this house up and love it but everyday it gets a bit harder to stay here. Everyday a new issue crops up that makes us ask, "why are we still trying to live here?"

even if we did like the house, we're still in a state that get's too hot for us to live comfortably, we're still in a state that wants us dead. we're still cut off from care we need and in a state where everything is too expensive for us.

So it's time to say goodbye and move. I'm only 21 and I don't want to watch my dad die in this house- he's in good health. And we want it to stay that way. We're hoping Maine has clinics that we can afford care from easier. DoorDash usually gets us 20$ an hour, so if we can get a car that can keep driving or maybe fix our current one, we'll be right back on our feet. My dad was looking into DoorDash's e-bike program, he really loves working for DoorDash.

My personal dream is an apartment all to myself that's just the right size for my cat and I, that I can make money off of vocal work & art from. I want to work from home so that I'm never forced outside when I don't want to be or can't handle it. I want to work from home because all my friends right now are online. I want a nice apartment within walking distance of nice places.

I want true freedom for myself and my dad. and I think, we'll get that.

no matter what.

#death of a pet #animal death #and thank you to every single one of you who boosted the donation post or donated to us #you have no idea how much that means to me #i spent 20 years convinced id never be more than a footnote in other people's lives #convinced i was the single exception to human kindess #all because of the poison my abuser fed into my mind #but no #the child i kept alive in my heart was right this entire time #that little kid who feared nothing and no one #always knew he was fucking lying to us #so thank you. for caring. for proving my demons wrong. and for proving that prick wrong.#I knew other people were not as heartless as him.#The one thing I will never regret is keeping hope alive in my heart all these years through any means necessary.#rottingjournals #rotthoughts

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009720kakashi · 1 year ago

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shinobinvku

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘'𝐑𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐅𝐓𝐎𝐏 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐘𝐀'𝐒 𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓.His elder half-sister, Haruka, runs the local izakaya on the first floor and happens to be his landlord, which means they have the luxury of bottomless sake and a quiet hangout spot with fantastic views of the Hidden Leaf Village whenever they want.

He’s been trying to invite the Copy Ninja out for sake for a long time but always gets turned down, claiming that he rarely drinks. Shinya usually finds it suspicious when a shinobi refuses to drink socially, as though they have something to hide. What sort of secrets is he holding onto? Shinya wonders.

❝ Aha, but what if I said I preferred you this way? A much more honest version of yourself. ❞ He chuckles, topping off Kakashi’s glass again.

❝ That’s the beauty of alcohol, my friend. It has the capability of revealing the truth. ❞

Shinya isn’t joking! He has a firm belief that alcohol reveals the truth in others. It stifles reasoning skills and contemplating repercussions. As a result, people are more likely to divulge the truth while intoxicated. Without the fear of consequences, alcohol can give people the courage to do or say things they ordinarily wouldn’t entertain.

After pouring himself another glass, Shinya sets the bottle down on the floor with a content sigh, deciding how to phrase his answer.

❝ Nah. She’s not part of your team but she’s someone you’ve gotten better acquainted with recently. Though, if I’m being honest with you, it’s more of a strong hunch I have about them, and I’m hardly ever wrong about those. I’m just trying to help you out, Hatake. You know, because I’m such a good friend and all? You’ve been tense lately. ❞

Actually, he’s always tense. Kakashi just needs to get laid.

He does not really know why he had agreed to come this time. People usually gave up inviting him eventually. Otsuka had not. Not yet anyway. Today he just was lucky. Kakashi had not been in the mood to go home but was too exhausted to visit Rin and Obito as well. That was rare enough. He tended to drag himself to the graveyard and memorial stone no matter what. Guilt and grief are powerful motivators. Today alcohol is good enough though. However he does slow down the drinking. Kakashi has no intention to get wasted with Otsuka.

Kakashi’s uncovered eye wanders over the rooftops. t is quite a nice view.

“Then you are still out of luck” he replies, taking a sip and then pulls up the mask again. Kakashi really does not care what people think of him.

“Also I sure have many flaws Otsuka but I don’t think I’m dishonest. At least that would be a new reproach I have to add to the list then.”

He does not share a lot. That much is true but he is not dishonest.

“Maa aside from the job required dishonesty that is.”

Revealing the truth? Sure but not always to anyone’s benefit. It also makes people overshare. Kakashi is a very private person. Even his closest friends and there are not many anyway don’t get him to open up.

“It’s a nice view…honestly” he says, emphasizing the last word, turning to Otsuka, clearly smirking under the mask.

Arching his eyebrows he turns to look at the other man.

“You cannot be serious” he says. He knows that ANBU naturally is a bit of a …den of iniquity… . These people face life and death situations constantly and their jobs sure do not allow for regular relationships. They of course mingle among each other. Maybe not necessarily out of romance but also to satisfy physical needs. As long as it does not interfere with their performance during a mission Kakashi does not care. Not even if people in his own team get a bit more ‘friendly’ with each other. He has not hooked up with anyone like that since he joined ANBU.

“Don’t you think there is enough locker room talk about me already? I’m not sure I need to add my bedroom activity to that.”

After a moment of silence he turns to Otsuka again.

“You do that?” he asks. Otsuka was a fellow Captain. He really is a little curious now.

shinobinvku

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐃𝐋𝐘 𝐀𝐓 𝐊𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈'𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐄, resting a hand against the pit of his stomach as though his sides were splitting. Don’t be fooled by his overtly friendly demeanor or judge him by the number of drinks he’s already consumed. Shinya is far from reaching his alcoholic limitations, and if anyone asked, he would say he could drink anyone under the table, including the God of Shinobi himself.

❝ Oh please, don’t act so surprised, Hatake, ❞ Shinya muses sarcastically. ❝ Loads of operatives talk shit behind your back in the locker rooms. It doesn’t help when you have a track record of being the coldest captain in ANBU, but Gods know you could be a lot worse. ❞

Truthfully, Shinya doesn’t think the Copy Ninja is all that bad. Maybe a little too serious for his taste, but he doesn’t mind. Through all the perils he has faced in this Hellish line of work, there is no better captain to have at your side than Hatake Kakashi.

Shinya idly swirls the contents of his sake bottle around before pouring himself another cup. Just as he’s about to take a sip, he hears Kakashi ask him a question and nearly chokes. Admittedly, he hadn’t thought Kakashi heard the last thing he said. Shinya chuckles, clearing his throat as he pours another drink for his comrade.

❝ What? You mean you don’t know? No, I don’t suppose you would. You don’t seem like the type to notice when someone’s attracted to you. Let’s just say that I’ve observed a certain kunoichi has their eye on you. ❞

Hatake Kakashi does not drink often but on rare occasions he does. He is feeling the alcohol already and really should stop. He takes another sip instead.

“Oh I know that” he snorts.

“Some of the braver ones also whisper to their friends when they think I’m standing too far away to hear them, which is true often enough but…I read every word if I take a look” he says, pointing lazily on the scar right under his left eye where the Sharingan lay hidden behind his eyelid. There is more to the Sharingan than fancy jutsu.

“Maa…that’s why I do not go out drinking Otsuka. I’m already spilling Sharingan secrets to you.”

He stays silent for a moment. What is he supposed to say to that!? Curiosity does get the better of him though.

“Your team or mine? Please don’t tell me it’s mine.” They all work so well together and he really does not need one of his operates distracted because she has a thing for her Captain.

“Or do you mean Yūgao? Yūgao just chose me as her role model apparently which I told her already is a bad idea and she should find someone more suitable for that.”

#shinobinvku #otsuka shinya #hatake kakashi #verse: the ghost tiger #story: down the hatch

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rebel-in-white · 4 years ago

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Sam Wilson’s Feelings Towards Bucky Barnes

In this meta, I’m arguing that Sam Wilson, as he is portrayed in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, has romantic feelings for Bucky Barnes. Before you think I’m overreaching and reading too much into this show, read on and think about the evidence I’m going to present. Could a simple friendship explain the differences in Sam’s interactions with other characters versus his interactions with Bucky?

Disclaimer: I’m not saying that Disney is going to show us a homosexual couple. Honestly, I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’m not accusing anyone of queerbaiting either. I don’t want to enter into that argument. I just believe that Sam Wilson is a man in love with another man.

Sam’s Demeanor with Bucky:

In episode 1, we have a delightful scene between Sam and Torres, who seems to genuinely admire Sam. After taking a video of Sam speaking Arabic, the impressed Torres makes a few light comments. Sam responds with a smile but maintains a serious demeanor and cracks minimal jokes. He doesn’t relax or drop his guard. Compare that to his drastic change in attitude in episode 2. After only spending 3 minutes with Bucky, he’s talking about wizards and sorcerers and something about hats.

And he’s always joking around with Bucky. He doesn’t let himself do that with other characters on the show, not even his own sister. This shows that with Bucky, Sam feels like he can relax more. For some reason, he feels safe with Bucky to show his true self.

Sam checks on him, constantly

In episode 1, we find out that Sam has texted Bucky post blip several times. Enough times that Bucky’s therapist, Dr. Raynor, uses that to gauge how well Bucky is connecting with other people. She admonishes him for ignoring Sam’s texts. In episode 3, we find out that Sam hasn’t given Sharon the same treatment. He hasn’t texted or called her, despite the fact that she had placed her career on the line for him, Steve, and Bucky. His only concern was Bucky and to see how he was doing.

Not only did he text Bucky, but Sam is periodically checking on his state of mind and well being, showing genuine concern and care.

“You good?”

“What’s going on in that Cyborg brain of yours?”

Again, we don’t see him check on other characters like this. Bucky gets special treatment.

Sam lets Bucky do what he wants

The keyword here is lets. Sam lets Bucky do whatever the f*ck he wants to do because he’s weak in the face of Bucky’s desires and demands. Sam can be very stubborn, he’s just subtle with it. In the show, he refuses to give up on the boat, refuses to give into his sister’s demands, and tries to think of solutions for this problem. That bank scene not only hints at the consequences of the blip and other social issues, but it highlights Sam’s intelligence and determination. When he wants something, he will work hard to get it. That’s why he survived so long as Steve’s partner-in-crime when they were on the run. And he still hasn’t given up on the boat.

Yet, we see this intelligent, stubborn man cave into Bucky over and over again. First, Bucky wants to come with him on the mission in episode 2. Sam says no, but Bucky is sitting with him on the plane in the next scene. If Sam truly didn’t want Bucky to come, he wouldn’t have let him come. He isn’t a pushover- he gave up Steve’s shield because he couldn’t stand the idea of being the new Captain America. Some other examples: Sam lets Bucky go in to see Zemo alone and goes along with his plan to use Zemo’s connections to find out more about the super-soldier serum.

Sam keeps touching Bucky’s metal arm

He’s touched Bucky’s metal arm a total of three times. The first time, after rolling in the flowers, he lets his hand rest on it. This is almost a comforting gesture, one that is entirely unnecessary, but the camera lingers on the touch for a few seconds. Next, in the therapy scene, he pointedly slaps Bucky’s vibranium arm. In episode 3, Sam protectively grabs Bucky when he sees that the danger has increased in the bar. The touch helps snap Bucky out of his Winter Soldier mode.

This shows a fascination with what makes Bucky different and dangerous, which could be the type of people Sam’s attracted to sexually. Let’s not forget that Sam had expressed physical attraction towards Black Widow, who is the embodiment of sensuality and danger. Sam Wilson has a type, and Bucky fits it.

Sam calls Bucky “Buck”

It’s the nickname Steve had for Bucky, and it’s interesting that Sam seems a little bothered when Bucky says he couldn’t use it.

“Why not? It’s what Steve called you?”

“Steve knew me longer. And Steve had a plan.”

Sam rolls his shoulders, a gesture of discomfort. He says, “I have a plan.” Almost like he wanted to say, now, can I call you “Buck,” too? It’s also very illuminating to hear this nickname when Sam’s afraid for Bucky’s life in episode 3:

[Gunshots]

“Buck!” Sam yells.

The nickname shows a deeper level of intimacy between Sam and Bucky, something that Sam wants. That’s why he uses it, remarks on Steve having used it, and continues to use it.

Sam lets himself argue with Bucky

Again, the keyword here is lets. Sam is a very controlled person. I’ve read numerous posts about all the things that Sam has to deal with - blip, institutionalized racism, Captain America’s mantle, that mantle being given to a lesser suited individual, losing his boat, losing his friends, and losing the connection with his family. Yet, Sam holds himself together very well. He doesn’t break dangerous criminals out of prison (looking at you Bucky), and he tries to follow his values in a world that is making less and less sense to him.

Yet, with Bucky Barnes, he allows himself the freedom to argue with him. They argue in episode 2 numerous times, but I’m going to focus on the argument in episode 3. I loved that random back-and-forth in the middle of a fight scene. I cannot picture Sam doing something like that with Steve, and he definitely wouldn’t argue like that with anyone else. With Bucky, we see Sam let his guard down to bicker and voice his immediate feelings and thoughts. We don’t see this happen with anyone else! He’s usually more guarded with his true thoughts and emotions.

What does Bucky feel?

Unfortunately, I don’t see clear evidence that Bucky reciprocates his feelings. There’s evidence that some feelings are forming (I have high hopes for the pulling Sam’s hand closer to his chest scene!), and the genuine bond is there. As of now, Sam’s feelings run deeper. It’s understandable because Bucky is a man in transition. He doesn’t know who he is, and we can see that struggle in some small details here and there: for example, when Sam wedges his thigh between his in the therapy scene, Bucky places his hands over his crotch in an insecure position. Sam, on the other hand, is relaxed and secure in his identity. Bucky is still struggling to adjust to the modern world when he’s a 1940s man at heart. Plus, there’s Steve. According to Sharon, Bucky was “Mr. America” (LOL). He needs more time to solidify himself and his feelings.

Where did these feelings come from?

Sexual attraction (sexy and dangerous is Sam’s type)

Bucky is probably the only person in his life who makes sense. Everything else is so different and difficult.

He was Steve’s close friend, and Sam loved and respected Steve.

Bucky ignites his protective instincts. Bucky emphasizes this when he says that Sam gave up so much for him. (Interesting that Bucky doesn’t mention Steve, who wanted to save his best friend and helped to convince his current friend to help him do that.)

Perhaps, Bucky reminds him of Riley (would love to see a Riley flashback)

He feels a connection to the loneliness he sees in Bucky. Despite the people in his life and his natural charisma, Sam strikes me as a solitary figure.

Ultimately, we still know very little about Sam and Bucky, and we have three episodes left of the show, so many things can change! Hopefully, the change will be good for this ship.

I hope you enjoyed this meta. Thank you for reading!

#sambucky #samandbucky #bucky barnes #sam wilson #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #meta #essay #the falcon and the winter soldier meta

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psychewritesbs · 3 years ago

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Chapter 167: Tokyo Colony No. 1, part 7: Higuruma’s righteousness + Megumi’s righteousness

Gah, I LOVE Megumi.

I have absolutely loved seeing Higuruma and getting my fix of my favorite care bear, Yuji, but I was also going through Megumi withdrawals over here. I almost started foaming at the mouth.

Our patience as Megu-stans was rewarded with your usual Megumi bad-assery and with Gege shinning a light on his beautiful character yet again. Life is good--we don’t even have to wait a week for next week’s chapter.

It is indeed a happy JJK-Sunday!

Higuruma’s righteousness

Wait no, where is he going?!

Someone stop him ffs!

WE LOVE YOU HIROMI! Don’t leave us...

Aaaaaaaaaand he’s gone.... womp womp womp (*cue sad music*).

I figured he could have death flags just for becoming Yuji’s mentor, but this... he JUST came into the picture and Gege gave him an amazing backstory and development as a character and he’s gone just as quickly as he showed up.

I have to say I truly admire Gege for taking the risks he takes in his writing. So far he’s turned the JJK world he built upside down, he’s killed off a number of beloved characters, he’s hiding a couple of super popular and beloved characters, and he’s scarred the faces and bodies of yet more beloved characters.

Basically getting too attached to any character in JJK ultimately leads to heartache...

So it really is no surprise Higuruma is out of the picture (hopefully only for the time being?).

Above all, I absolutely loved how Gege continues to unfold Higuruma's character right up until the end.

This is a man who has such a blind trust in justice that he will go as far as turning himself in for a crime he committed even when he could just as easily walk away. Talk about being congruent with your values and having the strength of character to walk your talk.

Higuruma is indeed quite the righteous person. And yet, despite having a strong moral compass that points him in the right direction, again, I just cannot emphasize enough how much I love that Higuruma does not see himself as someone who has the right to judge others and dictate what is right or wrong for them (*cough* antis *cough*).

There is a big difference between holding yourself to high moral standards, and holding others to high moral standards without taking the time to understand them. I keep repeating myself, but to me, this is what Higuruma stands for--that willingness to set aside your judgments and lead with heart, lead with compassion. And if I am to be honest, I could learn some lessons from Higuruma’s deeply compassionate character as well.

Higuruma is deeply compassionate of the duality of being human--of the interplay between our light and our shadow. Unfortunately, that level of compassion comes with a steep cost (just go ask Tokyo Babylon and x/1999’s Sumeragi Subaru).

In the end, Higuruma understands he too is deeply human and as such, just as ugly as he is virtuous.

Yes Yuji, I felt the same way when he walked away from us.

Megumi’s righteousness

Megumi’s brand of righteousness is very similar to Higuruma’s. In Megumi’s case, however, I would call him a true Knight in shinning armor (mostly because this is what Remi asked of him).

Megumi is someone who, despite constantly being cruel to Remi, despite threatening to kill her, and despite how pissed off he is at her for stabbing him in the back, being the deeply compassionate person that he is, he gives her one more chance.

Perhaps Megumi sees how naive Remi is to blindly trust that someone else would take care of her in a situation like the Culling Game.

In the end, Remi too is a victim of Kenjaku’s goals and she’s only showing her true colors because she has her back against the wall--so her reaction is only natural.

To me, this is Gege showing a couple of things.

First, people will show their true colors and how weak their character is when under pressure or with their back against the wall. Again, just notice how Higuruma is planning to turn himself in even though he could get away with murderer, and compare that to how Remi is doing something she knows is wrong to keep herself alive but has no problem justifying her actions.

Second, Megumi is the kind of person who has no interest in abusing his power over those he knows he could easily overpower. In other words, he is a benevolent person at heart.

Whatever the case, perhaps Megumi realized he doesn’t want to kill her or has not been pushed into a place that would cause him to cross that line just quite yet.

A line that Gege himself is playing with right now in what could be an attempt to show either how Megumi did or did not go down the path of carnage.

Gege you tease. Talk about a slow burn...

I just finished reading x/1999 where I saw at least 5 rolling heads and 3 or 4 dismembered corpses (I kind of lost count), so I am sort of itching for some Megumi in all of his glorious, violent repressed self.

For the time being, Megumi is prioritizing strategy and has not let his anxiety (which we have seen escalate in previous chapters) get the better of him just yet.

Other random thoughts

Right. I have to ask again. Am I the only one who thinks things are unfolding rather well for our boys? Like... too good to be true given this is Gege Akutami we’re talking about here.

At the rate things are going, the two rules will be implemented just as planned. But, something is bound to go wrong at some point. The question is when and how.

We already knew Kenny is up to no good but Gege is starting to flesh out what that means in the big scheme of JJK-things.

This makes me curious because of the deadlock in Tokyo Colony No. 2 and how Tokyo Colony No. 1 could be headed in that direction with Yuji, Higuruma and Megumi at the top. Maybe Gege will show that Mr. Fashionable Receipts is indeed strong (he did hurt Kon after all, poor puppy) or another strong character is introduced.

Also, what’s with the Chinese? Do I smell more political commentary in the air? This reminded me of Shinichiro Watanabe making commentary about America’s meddling with Japanese politics in Zankyou no Terror.

And, of course, who the hell goes around throwing eye balls in the air?

I’ve heard there is speculation that it could be either Nobara or Gojo. I have no wild guesses to make about this one but I have my doubts that it’s either of them.

But hey, I could be wrong. Let’s wait to find out until next week!

Until then, happy JJK-Sunday!

Thank you as always for reading, liking and reblogging my nerdery.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen manga #itadori yuji #fushiguro megumi #jujutsu kaisen analysis #higuruma hiromi #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jjk spoilers #jjk ch 167 #god I love jujutsu kaisen

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justalads · 3 years ago

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c!niki and c!wilbur enjoyers. pspspspspspsps

alright guys so last night i rewatched pretty much all of the pogtopia arc. and this isn’t meant to be a big, important analysis post (it’s kind of incomprehensible), because my brain is fried from, you know. rewatching pretty much all of pogtopia. but i do have some stuff i’d like to say.

(this also just became a niki meta sorry i love her. i really just got emo about her during the second half of this and it got long. i have a lot of feelings about her and wilbur’s friendship.)

it’s a pretty general conclusion that wilbur’s real “downfall” began on october 8th, during the stream “who are you go away”. of course, his spiral and the process of him losing faith had begun much earlier, more around the end of the first war or during the election. but the big switch, so to say, was definitely here, when as wilbur walks back from schlatt’s announcement, he asks tommy if they’re the bad guys.

this entire scene was so interesting to me. wilbur here is a man who has lost hope, someone who is backed into a corner morally and has nothing left. he points out that they can never really reclaim l’manburg without forever tainting it, and that schlatt knows this. the entire half an hour or so before, schlatt has been taunting wilbur about losing that power. the emphasis of the festival on “democracy” is so clearly a barb thrown at wilbur, and it works.

wilbur’s “nothing left to lose” in this vod is a mirror to niki’s “you know what they say about a woman who has nothing left to lose”. this will not be the first time they mirror each other.

basically, wilbur’s angry. when schlatt announced the festival, wilbur realized that maybe it wasn’t a terrible thing. so once he worked around into the mindset of “we’re the bad guys”, he was able to justify saying he was going to blow up the nation with no remorse. he wants chaos! he wants no survivors!

does he do it? god no.

during the streams leading up to november 16th, wilbur is consistently scared. he goes back and forth on it, and makes multiple “conditions” that determine whether he’s going to do it or not, almost begging someone to stop him. he whispers to himself that he’s scared, that his hands are shaking, that he’s not sure if it’s the right thing to do. because despite what he says about “not caring about any of them”, the instant niki is threatened after tubbo’s death, wilbur walks up to schlatt and tells him that if he’s going to kill anyone it should be him. later, when quackity and tommy talk him down from pressing the button, he can’t press it because they’re there and he can’t bring himself to kill them as well.

but he has no problems with putting his own life at risk. he refuses to wear armor half the time, and actively places himself in harm’s way to save others. he still cares about everyone else, as much as he says he doesn’t. even when he does cause harm to others, during november 16th, he immediately begs phil to kill him. “look, they all want you to.” he can’t live with what he’s done, and how he’s hurt people, but he couldn’t allow manburg to continue.

the man is terrified and angry and he can’t win. and even as he tries to stuff himself into the mind of someone who doesn’t care, he cannot. when he finally does, he cannot live with being that person.

but the reason i rewatched this arc was to see niki’s point of view, especially after her statements during her last stream. i genuinely think that wilbur’s only betrayal of her was pressing the button, because he betrayed everyone. they might have known he was going to do it, but they had faith he wouldn’t.

wilbur cared a lot about niki. her life under schlatt was awful, wilbur hated that she was suffering, and the scene where wilbur plants himself directly in the center of the festival and tells schlatt to kill him instead hits pretty hard. he has the argument with schlatt, and then turns to niki and tells her to run. he then hits people and sprints away, trying to give her time to escape.

this is also when he asks her to join pogtopia, because now that schlatt has said he’d kill her, it’s a safer place for her.

so the man did care about her. niki is angry at the memory of him that she has. it’s been twisted by time and her own grief and paranoia.

in rewatching pogtopia, i realized that a lot of people hate the memory of wilbur. not him, and what he did. they think he didn’t care. and to quote hamilton (apologies):

“history obliteratesit paints me in all my mistakes”

does niki have a right to be mad at him? absolutely. he caused direct harm to her by blowing up l’manburg, once it was reclaimed. but she’s wrong that he never cared.

(an interesting note: wilbur only blows it up after techno starts fighting people outside. he hears it, and says “look, they’re fighting”. he didn’t re-initiate the conflict of the country. the fact that even after peace was won people were fighting just gave evidence to his belief that the entire country was corrupted.)

niki has been hurt a lot, and wilbur has things to answer for. but we as the audience know that her statements are just her perception. she is a character who acts on perceptions. the entire stream was in black and white. during doomsday, upon seeing wilbur log on (as ghostbur), niki has a panic attack and destroys her bakery, trying to rid herself of the pain of the memories. her lines during this stream are chilling, whispered repetitions that are a mirror of wilbur’s end.

(paraphrased, it was long and confusing but there are a few bits and this was the essence of it)

“wilbur is gone. this isn’t happening. he is dead. l’manburg is gone.”“it is real, i am real, he is real and he is dead.”“l’manburg is gone, i am real, i am l’manburg”.

(god. dude i could spend Months analyzing this one stream alone. there’s so much here.)

doesn’t that sound a bit like “my unfinished symphony”? wilbur and niki both attach their own self to the nation they fought for, and can see it as an extension of themself. they both destroy parts of it in acts of fear, attempting to save everyone else from what they’ve made.

what i pulled away from niki’s stream is that she’s not healing. i remember the chamber she locks herself in at night. i remember her refusal to eat. i remember how she was so angry at tommy, and she later realized that anger was misguided. niki genuinely believes that wilbur did not care about her, and that’s not surprising: when he died, she denied the fact that he was gone. she represses the things that she can’t handle, same as lots of other people. it is easier for her to pin her hurt on wilbur, because she needs somewhere to pin it. people feel more in control if they’re angry, not sad.

the song cc!niki said was for her character really emphasizes this. it’s a coping mechanism.

but even condemning wilbur won’t help, because she will still never get closure. niki cares about what others think of her, and so she can’t move on from someone hurting her. she can’t move on because she thinks he hated her. she is angry that he is back, but it is an opportunity for her to heal. she couldn’t heal when he was gone. she’s not the only one with a negative perception of wilbur, after all. he has one too. the two of them really need to talk.

i want niki to be healthy and safe. i want to see her heal so badly, and i do think it will happen. after wilbur died, his betrayal of her stayed with her, and it eventually became her memory of the betrayal that she hated, not the thing itself. it’s been months since it happened. niki wants to find an outlet for her hurt, because she wants to feel better. there’s a pattern i noticed: she only gets mad at people once she hasn’t seen the person themself for a while. and once she sees them and talks to them, and realizes that they care about her and don’t want to hurt her, she stops blaming them for it. she only hates her perception of them. example one? tommy.

man was in exile for a long time, and when he came back he “brought” fighting. that’s how niki saw it. but the fact that after she spent time with tommy (trying to kill him but. details, details) she forgave him because she saw it wasn’t his fault is a really good sign.

i genuinely think that speaking to wilbur will help niki, and it will also help wilbur. after all, they both hate wilbur. the entire perception of wilbur as some heartless, crazy manipulator needs to be shattered for both of their sakes. they both buy into it.

i want niki to know that others care about her, and that she has places she can feel safe. she hates that wilbur is invading the syndicate, because she’s scared of his memory hurting her. i don’t think wilbur will hurt her on purpose, because even though he sees himself as awful, he doesn’t hate her. he never did. usually, with people who have hurt someone else, i want them as far away from the person they hurt as possible. if wilbur does hurt niki i’ll probably cry. but again, it’s not him that hated her, or really him that hurt her in the way she thinks he did. when wilbur was dead, niki didn’t get any better. her memory of him festered and made her feel worse. that’s also why niki killing wilbur or hurting him somehow wouldn’t help her heal. i want wilbur to explain that he didn’t hate her. is wilbur even close to self aware enough to help niki? nah. this is going to take a Long time, and it’s going to hurt.

last thing i swear lol

during niki’s stream, she says that wilbur manipulated her. again, i watched pogtopia last night, and i’ve watched the rest of season one recently as well. i genuinely don’t see it. but i do think i know why she said it.

during season one, wilbur doesn’t manipulate niki. he doesn’t have a chance to later, he’s dead. so then, what is she talking about? of course it’s a perception, same as a lot of her other claims. i think she’s talking about how she cared for l’manburg.

niki joined the server as wilbur’s friend, to join his nation. she grew to care for l’manburg. she devoted herself to it, same as he did. but doomsday showed us that she hates that. in niki’s eyes, l’manburg only brought pain for people, and because she ties herself to it, she hates that she ever cared about it. she can’t allow herself to care for it, because it was used to hurt. so how does she cope with knowing that she once did? she pretends she didn’t.

if she can convince herself that it was wilbur who convinced her to care about l’manburg, she can avoid blaming herself for her own pain. and yeah, she shouldn’t blame herself for it. it’s not her fault. the entire situation is tragic and a little hopeless and once again really makes me hope that she recovers. l’manburg was ruined for her by others. schlatt, techno, dream, wilbur. again another place where she and wilbur are similar: they convince themselves they never cared about l’manburg because of the hurt it caused.

to summarize: wilbur’s going to get a shock soon. don’t know when, but probably the prison visit. something is going to shake his perception, the story is hurtling towards that. once he is able to take responsibility for what he did, and feel safe (because a lot of what he does now is out of fear of being alone or useless), then he and niki need to talk. niki needs something to get her out of her own head. she’s spiraling too. they are essential to each other’s recovery because of how much they meant (and mean) to each other.

anyways i miss early season one niki i liked it when she was happy :(

~ Lad 2

#wilbur #c!wilbur #niki #c!niki #dreamsmp #dsmp #mcyt #rp #long post #dreamsmp analysis #dsmp analysis #revivedbur #pogtopia #lad speaks

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andro-dino · 2 years ago

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Okay I was inspired by your recent Sophie-wales-Julian fanart, so may I plEASE PLEASE request some nice date headcanons or just Headcanons about them in general my heart it fills me with JOY

UWAGAGSGWYAUSW YES ALWAYS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

I think with them being mega rich kids, they go on very fancy dates. Whether it be at super fancy restaurants or really exclusive places, they can enjoy some very luxurious stuff. I also think that Julian especially dislikes having public eyes on him when it comes to his personal life, ESPECIALLY with his relationship with wales and Sophie, so if they do go out somewhere, he probably tries to book the place out in advance so they don’t have to worry about that too much. This is very easy for him to do most of the time.

They’re very much art kids. I think they probably go to like, museums, orchestras, operas, and ballets a lot. They’ve got lots of appreciation for classical art and stuff and they like talking about it afterwards. They’re very knowledgeable about it so they always read into very specific techniques and details they noticed.

I like to think that Julian and Sophie have both done ballet at some point and have done a couple duets together

Julian spoils the shit out of the other two. His main love language is gift giving and he’s loaded so he can be very over the top at times. He tries not to give them anything insanely expensive but he does love giving them gifts all the time

Wales likes legos. I don’t know why my brain has settled in this idea but it has. He has a giant collection and likes showing them off and infodumping abt them. The others find it charming.

a bit of a hurt/comfort here, I think Julian struggles with depression sometimes and when he’s going through episodes, he can have some somewhat self destructive tendencies. He can be very closed off and tend to hyper focus on work or training to the point where he kinda neglects his own needs. It’s something that he works on more post-masters but he still struggles with it at times. When this happens though, Sophie and Wales do their best to support him in any way they can. Occasionally this means having to forcibly pull him away to get him to just relax with them or give himself some time. Whatever they can do to help. Julian in turn tries to make sure to more openly express his appreciation for them. He has issues vocalizing his feelings and he’s aware of how he can come off sometimes, but especially if he’s going through a rough patch, he does his best to make sure they know that he appreciates them and loves them more than anything. He feels like he didn’t really show them the proper love and appreciation they deserved before and really tries to do his best to improve about that and make it up to them.

on a lighter note, I know I say this every time I talk about them, but I really cannot emphasize enough that they ARE SO FUCKING WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER. ALL THREE OF THEM. ALL OF THEM JUST LOVE THE OTHER TWO S O MUCH AND JUST ADMIRE THEM AND LOOK AT THEM LIKE THEY RAISE THE FUCKING SUN. All of them have LISTS of things that they love about each other and constantly just go through them every time they think about each other they are SICKENINGLY in love

Klaus is very supportive and usually is the guy they go to for advice or to just generally rant to about everything they love about the others.

I think Wales is probably the most openly affectionate of the three. He takes no time telling them that he loves them every other sentence and constantly showers them with affection. He simply holds so much love in him.

I think Sophie picks up on a lot of little details about the two. She notes a lot about their mannerisms and general behavior but also just listens to them very intently. She’ll occasionally bring up very specific details they previously mentioned and really just shows how attentive she really is and how much she keeps in mind. She’s very particular about certain things they like and dislike as well.

oki I think that’s all I’ve got for now hope you enjoyed I love them with all my heart

#julian konzern #sophie beyblade #wales beyblade #axel’s silly little thoughts

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