#i cannot believe i just let myself go feral over a band and actually got a decent mark lmao

[excelsior9173]

cackling. felt absolutely insane writing this analysis but damn it if I didn’t spread the word of sleep lmao. i guess my art history prof liked it, he thought the band was neat and i got a 77!

this just goes to show kids, always let the brainrot win :)

[bondsmagii]

🌻🌻🌻

new ask game send me a 🌻 and ill just tell you whatever the fuck i want

lowkey stealing this idea partially from @wintermutal as least as far as songs go but here’s three songs and some really random memories I have associated with them.

so this song was everywhere when I was younger but I remember it most vividly from a car ride when I was about 13. I was Quite The Delinquent™ at that time and I had been in constant trouble at school for the whole year, and I was also a total Asshole With Attitude™ and my long-suffering guardians decided that Drastic Measures™ needed to be taken.

something that is very important for you to understand at this point is that I was totally obsessed with Green Day at the time. I mean, they were my life. I was consumed. I was possessed with all the passion of a 13-year-old emo for this band. my room was covered in posters. my notebooks were covered with lyrics. I never went anywhere without my Walkman and American Idiot was the constantly playing album. (I played that album so much I wrecked one and had to buy another -- this was back in the day where CDs would get scratched up because they’d get jostled as you walked.) quite literally I was addicted to this band. I thought of nothing else and listened to no-one else.

well, as punishment... my dear guardians confiscated every Green Day thing I owned. they took my posters. they took all my CDs. they even found the tiny little badges I’d pinned on the inside of my school jacket. everything was gone. I’ll spare you the gory details of the mental breakdown because it wasn’t pretty -- the only bit you need to know is the dramatic moment where I was threatening to run away and the person who was acting in the role of Mother™ that month said, equally dramatically, “if you can’t behave for us, behave for them!”. really wish I could re-watch that moment now because holy god, how over the top. but anyway, the deal was if I got my act together I could get my Green Day shit back in a week. 

moving on to this song. a couple of hours after this incident we had to go grocery shopping. I obviously had to come along, and I was distraught because usually I’d be in the back listening to Green Day and now I was going to have to listen to the BORING ADULT MUSIC with the BORING ADULTS. I’m sitting in the back looking like a prisoner being led to my execution and this song comes on as we back out of the drive. about a minute into the song it began to rain, which added to the drama. I leaned my head against the window and watched the raindrops running down the window, and I thought to myself you know, thematically, this song is pretty good for the current situation. it’s regretful, a bit morose. it got me thinking about the tough week ahead of me, and with all the hopelessness that you have at that age facing something as long as a week, I gave in to the sheer despair running through me and reached out to dramatically trace my finger down a raindrop on the window as I blinked back tears.

don’t get me wrong, I still like Green Day now. but christ, I came outta the womb a dramatic bitch.

so this song is an absolute banger and I listened to it all the time when I was about 16. for those of you just tuning in, I’m Irish and went to school in the north -- if any of you have tuned into Derry Girls it was basically that except my school was boys and girls. I was Michelle. sure none of you are surprised. anyway.

to cut an extremely long story short (if you want the full story please hit me up because it’s golden) my school and another school had to go on a like, team-building thing because of the civil war and we’re Catholic and they’re Protestant and apparently if you get The Youths together we’ll won’t kill one another once we reach adulthood. seems good in theory but unfortunately they brought us to this outdoor activity camp where we have to abseil and rope climb and fucking cave, in the fucking rain, and we didn’t just want to kill one another but rather every fucking person involved. things got worse until an absolutely disastrous caving experience (which did admittedly result in some cross-community bonding) but really the whole day was fucking nightmarish. we were wet, we were cold, we were being constantly exposed to heights, our safety device was to be tied to a rope and let the kids from the other school hold it and just hope they didn’t let us fall to our deaths... can I remind you that our communities were at war and had been at war for 30 years at that point and our grandpas had probably killed each other or some shit? it was stressful.

anyway, something that’s very important to culture there is singing. the Catholics especially. we have a whole load of rebel songs about killing the British and all that fun stuff, and the Protestants have a few (much more mediocre) (sorry guys but nothing you have slaps as hard as Come Out Ye Black and Tans) songs of their own, and after we got back from the caving disaster and found all our teachers sitting in the fucking warm drinking tea, we’d had enough. this song was on the radio constantly, we all knew it, and me and a guy from the other school (both of us possessing a talent for re-working song lyrics) ended up re-writing this entire song into a rant about the trip. unfortunately I cannot remember most of the lyrics now, but I do know it included a verse about how “in five years’ time” our frozen corpses would be discovered in that fucking cave.

this song is the soundtrack to one of the most subtly unbelievable moments of my life, and that’s strange coming from me considering on the surface it was very normal but for me, someone who has near constant paranormal experiences and has been widely believed from childhood to be a witch, it qualifies as unbelievable.

I’m sure everyone has had a moment in their life where they’re like “wow, this is literally like a movie”. this song is the soundtrack to that moment for me. again for those of you just joining me I have had a fairly fucked up life in some respects, and this lead to a few months of homelessness one summer. I crashed with some friends for a couple of weeks while waiting for my then-friend now-husband @vestriis to come up and meet me in Scotland, where he was going to join me as I turned said homelessness into a roadtrip around the country, urbexing and checking out haunted places as we went (that’s yet another story) and for those entire two weeks my life was one of those summer teen movies where they all live in a small town and get up to wacky adventures and they’re all slightly edgy but ultimately good fun, etc. this is something I had never experienced before because I moved around so much as a kid and never got to make like, actual friends, so having a group to roam around and be feral with was insane.

one of my friends from this time period was very musically-inclined, as was I, as was some other mutual friends. we would jam together with an assortment of instruments, and he and his friend were working on a cover of this song (which was fairly new at the time). it’s a kickass song and it’s challenging in a fun way to sing, so I’d help him practise when the other friend wasn’t around, and then one evening we all found ourselves at this other friend’s house and we ended up playing a bunch of songs together and then finally we belted out this one. by this point it was late, and people were coming home from the pubs; we were at their third-floor window, both of which were thrown open to let the summer air in, and I was sitting in the window seat writing and occasionally joining in the singing. our friend was on guitar and we were having the best jam session yet, summer air and the city streets below us, and then we realised a bunch of drunk people were cheering and clapping us from the street. like, when does this happen outside of a movie? when are you sharing drinks basically on a rooftop with your friends in a summer that seems endless, playing music and actually being fairly decent about it and having people clap? it sounds like something that would be in a YA romance novel when the protagonists finally fall in love but actually we just got fish and chips and my friend taught me to play the ukulele enough that I could torment our other roommates once he’d moved out.

and this was just how the summer began. I spent the rest of that summer with my future husband, living in my car and urban exploring, and then living in London for the final month. every time I hear this song I just remember that summer and how it kind of was endless because I still think about it now, and I can still feel how it felt.

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

i have so many theories!!! theyre all screaming at me!!! i must write out them all!!!!! 

so here’s one that’s been knocking around my head since finals week began:

the Writing 3 Playlist on Spotify 

I think this bad boy is a hint at the game’s timeline

maybe not 100% explanatory, but I think we can guess certain parts of the game through this

and i just wanna tell y’all now, almost all of this is speculation, as honestly im 90% sure the playlist was created bc it had borderlands-y songs in it (although the last few have me scratching my head)

lemme explain why im writing this, though I’m very thirsty for lore

tl;dr: game goes like this: lilith powers stolen. go to promethea, go to jungle, find brick mordy and tina, get into a fight, lose fight, go find other VHs, get into another fight, Krieg shows up to save Maya, maya die. (oh no she ded), the twins have their we are GODS moment, the VHs get summoned to the Eridian homeworld, there’s a huge ass final battle, someone attempts to create an end-of-the-world scenario

so the playlist itself was created to help one of the authors of the game get into their borderlands jam 

it starts with a Cage the Elephant song, “Trouble”, the band of which we all know wrote the first song used in BL1. Not really much else to say here, but we do know the opening cutscene of the game involves our current team of Vault Hunters being attacked by the Children of the Vault. this is, of course, not indicative of any songs used in bl3, but we can assume it captures the general feeling of the game.

Second song: “Fire” by Barns Courtney (holy shit I love this guy so fucking much!! if you’ve never listened to his music, PLEASE do so! I really recommend “Rather Die”- I am in the process of making a bl3 animatic to it actually lmao). 

So anyway, I’m just sayin’, the lyrics of this song...

“Oh, a thousand faces staring at me Thousand times I've fallen Thousand voices dead at my feet Now I'm gone... And my mother told me son let it be Sold my soul to the calling Sold my soul to a sweet melody Now I'm gone... Oh gimme that fire ...”

Honestly, I would not be surprised if this song was about Lilith’s loss of her powers. I mean, she used to call herself the Firehawk because she burned the shit outta bandits. c’monnn.

The man, the myth, the legend himself even says that "[The song is] quite defiant as well, like this cannot be how it ends, it cannot be my situation."

Mooooving on

“Majesty” by Apashe and Wasiu

holy fuck i love this song so much. and its so very obviously about the Calypso Twins- at the very least its Tyreen.

“All the stars and galaxies address me as your majesty So better say your majesty, I might react erratically Throw you in a fire, purify you I'm the sire, my empire's on the rise You better find yourself a place to hide Your place to find, but say it twice My name divine, I'm aimin' high Don't look in my face or eyes Take a bow and save your life Glory to the emperor, my temperature is risin' Always hot, it's getting violent”

I mean come on if its not when we meet the twins for the first time after they steal lily’s powers, then its definitely when they do something absolutely badass and really show us why they’re revered as gods. Possibly related to the Holy Broadcasting Center?

“The Way I Do” by Bishopp Briggs 

this one honestly had got me stumped as to its purpose, i lowkey kinda think its getting Sanctuary 3 up and running (and possibly meeting Maya for the first time- still not sure about that). I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a whole thing for Scooter and this song fits pretty well. I imagine we also meet Vaughn and the Children at some point, so maybe here?

“Greeting the Menace” by Zack Hemsey 

yeah i uhhhh dunno. This sounds like a song about a dude getting tortured which scares me a bit lmao. 

I thought maybe this song and the next 2 could be VH-based songs, as the next 2 have no lyrics whatsoever and the third is called “Best Friends”, but who knows... If this is the case I could make the argument this is about Zane or Moze, leaning towards Zane cuz he’s pretty covered up, plus I think “Best Friends” would be more Moze’s style lmao

I could also see this being a song about Troy... could explain all the ‘body mods’ and the missing arm.

“ProtoVision” by Kavinsky

If we’re going with the idea that these next few songs are about the Vault Hunters, then I imagine this would be Fl4k’s. It’s got that synth and some guitar which I think fits perfectly with his robo-hobo aesthetic lol

Other than that, I truly have no idea what part of the story this song could reference since there aren’t any lyrics. Maybe Promethea’s city? I could kinda see it, it sounds pretty high-tech

Similarly, “diatribe.” by Oliver Michael

the beginning gives me a whole meditation vibe which I kinda associate with Amara and her phasecast skill which “sends out an astral projection” of herself. 

Then again, this could be the outskirts of the Promethean city... I could see myself wandering around the huge ass foliage and discovering an abandoned research base to this song idk

“Best Friends” by grandson

aaahh i love grandson. I think this could be a Moze-based song. I just get that vibe from her leather jacket... anyway

I also could totally see this as discovering Brick, Mordecai, and Tina in the research base (if that truly is where they are). Cause we saw them in the trailer hanging out there. 

tbh the lyrics themselves kinda remind me of pre-Tales Rhys and Fiona and all their friends

“All of my best friends Like to go and get fucked up Then they talk about all the lives they never got to live Oh, they're still waiting for some sort of invitation It's never coming along, oh no, you'll get just what you give”

but idk if that’s what its meant for

“Bap U” by Party Favor

hmm another ‘lyricless’ song. not really lyric-less but uhhh the lyrics are pretty nonsensical lol

I could see there being a fight scene with Brick Tina and Mordy as AIs helping out here, maybe exploring the abandoned research base?

“Not Human” by elegant slims 

oh you know what im going to say here hahaha

monster troy p l e a s e

i wouldn’t be surprised if Tyreen started accumulating more powers here, like perhaps the previous fight scene was over the Vault on Promethea and the twins were able to access it before us? and Tyreen gives the Vault Monster the succ

“Crack in the seams You're breaking through The animal inside of you You're not human anymore... Your eyes go black electric blue The animal inside of you Life on a string Watch it swing Hide your teeth”

and one (or both) of the twins start going feral lol

“Way Down We Go” by KALEO

one (1) fear and that’s that someone dies during the scene that corresponds to this song

hopefully its just the boys being depressed over a loss instead of a victory, but oof

anyway, you know what they say: “sometimes you gotta fall before you make it big” ;) thats a typhon deleon quote

“I’m a Wanted Man” by Royal Deluxe

I want to believe these next few songs are us recruiting the rest of the Vault Hunters not seen yet

I kinda associate this one with Axton since his whole History with DAHL, but who knows! It could be Gaige, too. or Maya since she looks like she’s being incredibly gay criminal on the Maliwan Monastery planet. Maybe both Axton and Gaige? I would love that

“The Devil You Know” by X Ambassadors 

Could also be Axton! I lowkey think its Salvador or Timothy Lawrence. The reason I think its Timothy is cuz the whole song gives me huge Handsome Jack vibes, but it could also be Sal cuz I totally imagine him becoming a bounty hunter to fund his gun addiction lmao

“00000 Million” by Ella Vos

this one also gives off Maya vibes imo. I wouldn’t be surprised if this one is about her and the introduction of Little Blue. I could also see Athena and Janey here, just living their lives out in a cottage somewhere. awww

“Jungle” by Tash Sultana

Ahh a love song [pukes] Hopefully this one is about Athena and Janey, cuz there is a depressing lack of both of them in all the trailers we’ve seen! It sounds lowkey sad, though. I hope nothing happened to them D:

“Don’t Wait Up” by Dustbowl Revival

this one gives me very big Fiona and Sasha vibes. 

Of course, there’s also the fact that the song is about a dad, and we still don’t know who the heck “the Father” is on all those Calypsos posters. We also dunno who in the heck “Mother” is, either. Sounds like Father left the cult, though, oof, and Mother stuck around. Wonder what that’s all about, maybe he felt like the twins were working fast/efficient enough and left to do things himself? Very lost on this idea tbh. the song seems very out of place, but it has to connect to something, yknow?

“Dies Irae” by Apashe and Black Prez

For those of you who don’t speak fluent Latin (the fuck guys?? lmao jk), the title means "Day of Wrath". Nice, nice, nice. 

the lyrics, you might be asking:

“'Cause I'ma beast. Where you at? I've been unleashed. Whatchu doin'? Sink my teeth. Y'all can't fathom I'ma beast”

me: [vibrating in my seat] monster twins monster twins monster twins monster twins

at the very least this is definitely a fight scene here. Probably with the twins again (hopefully). Maybe they found some way to imbue the cultists with fucked up powers and are sending them against the VHs as giant demon things and as we fight through the temple (apparently with some Guardians) we realize the final one is Troy and/or Tyreen?

I like to imagine this is where Maya gets her powers stolen, if only because the next few songs... I think she’s around because she’s now the only person with Siren powers on the side of the Crimson Raiders, so they might need her help with the Vault in some way

“RAMPAGE” by GRAVEDGR

y’all wonder why I seemingly forgot about Krieg in the above songs? Well, this is why. 

The only lyric for this entire song is “Bitch, I'm on a rampage- mask on my damn face”

I mean come on, Krieg with his psycho mask on, the fact his action skill is literally called “Buzz Axe Rampage”, the fact he loves Maya as shown in his introductory trailer... it’d be so perfect. And I bet badass psycho Krieg would be the only thing able to beat back whatever’s attacking at the moment. I’m just imagining him smashing down a wall and going apeshit

“Black Out Days” by Phantograms

Another song I think is about Krieg and Maya. I don’t think Maya does too hot in this game, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she gets the Roland treatment if you know what I’m saying. I wonder if this causes Krieg to devolve back into insanity cause the whole song seems to focus around that. I hope not D:

“Hide the sun I will leave your face out of my mind You should save your eyes A thousand voices howling in my head Speak in tongues I don't even recognize your face Mirror on the wall Tell me all the ways to stay away”

To be honest I could also see it being that Maya gets her powers stolen and thoughtlock-ed by the twins to fight on their side (as she’s seen fighting with the big demon elemental things), and maybe we have to kill her or hurt her in some way to get her to stop attacking us. God I hope not.

Let’s hope this is someway about the twins and definitely not about our favorite Siren and/or Psycho

“The Finishing” by Stavroz

oof i think somebody dies... If its not Maya, my best guess is Krieg or Lilith. Maybe Mordecai or Brick? Oh I hope not, I love both of them way too much for it to be healthy. But, hey, at least Tina learned some coping mechanisms :(

“Intro” and “Apocalypse Please” by Muse

merged these into 1 because Intro is like 15 seconds long and is literally the introduction to Apocalypse Please. 

Definitely reaching the end of the game here... 

“And it's time we saw a miracle Come on, it's time for something biblical To pull us through And pull us through And this is the end This is the end Of the world Proclaim eternal victory Come on and change the cause of history And pull us through”

I think the twins (or whoever may have become the main villain- perhaps the Eridians?) have claimed victory/gotten the ultimate power in one way or another, and/or this is the Crimson Raiders getting themselves ready for a final stand-off with the big bad evil guy. 

I would really love if there’s a scene right at the end of this where the Twins have their huge “BOW TO ME” moment and then they just get COMPLETELY obliterated by a new villain. Just absolutely decimated.

New villain, like if they opened a Vault and whatever was being imprisoned there just wipes the floor with them (something like the Destroyer, if not the Destroyer itself), or fuck shit maybe even Tannis? or the Eridians looking for help in the war. or the Eridians bringing war. Who knows!

Again, could just be the Twins having gotten their hands on the end-game material, like realizing they can turn troy into big demon fuck (no i am not letting this one go) and we are kinda fucked now.

“Free Animal” by Foreign Air

I... have no idea lol

maybe Krieg getting rescued, maybe (one of?) the twins getting recruited by the Raiders for the final fight? It could fit into the ‘Beast’ imagery. Fuck, maybe even rescuing/finding Typhon or something? Idk, im kinda in the party that Typhon is going to be coming back some way or another lol, I’d love to meet the guy

“Dreams” by ZHU and Nero

This definitely sounds like a new BBEG has just been introduced or the big bads just entered the final phase of their plan, like the Crimson Raiders just learned about something life-changing and this is their “oh shit” moment

i wanna believe that the Eridians or another alien race (like the Seraphs!) are going to come in at the ‘end’ of the game and the Watcher is gonna be like “bitch did you really think I thought these dumbass ECHOnet streamers were the epitome of War??” I imagine we’d be on the side of the Eridians here, since y’know, the Watcher came to us for help.

Of course, the twins could still be the BBEG and have gotten their hands on that universe-destroying power that was described on the website (”to recover a map to ancient Vaults and prevent a universe-destroying power from falling into the wrong hands”) so maybe the Eridians called us in in order to meet and get help against the COV?

“Beyond the Fray” by Cassandra Violet

personally i think this one is about the Eridian homeworld

“I'll mark the day When we can meet beyond the fray Don't lose the will to see your home You find the way so we can meet beyond the fray I'll fight to see that you get home Consider this small clue Look beyond your point of view Make a space for honesty hide“

Wouldn’t even be surprised if someone made a sacrifice so we could get there... I imagine its hidden somewhere in the alternate dimension or wherever the Vaults lead to so it couldn’t be found, so maybe Lilith’s got her powers back at this point and she sacrifices herself to send us there?

idk...

“Outside the Realm” by Big Giant Circles

ah yes, another reason I think the end of the game involves the Eridian homeworld in some way. Have you heard this?? huge “we just stumbled upon a long-lost-alien-planet” vibe. I love it. Maybe even just a shot of Sanctuary III slowly gliding over the giant planet, having just exited phasewalk. God yes

“Battle Royale” by Apashe

another reason i think the final fight is some giant battlefield/wave fight instead of just against 1 or 2 enemies. not to mention the fact that the VH skills we’ve seen so far are crowd control based instead of raid boss focused. 

Its likely the VHs against the Cult of the Vault, but if we defeat the Twins halfway through the game, then the Cult will dissolve on its own. Either way, I really really really really really want a huge fight against an army. I don’t care if its against the Children of the Vault, the Eridians/some Guardians, or if its against the Seraphs or a new set of aliens we’re gonna get (maybe whatever the Destroyer was/is?). idk idc i just want a huge battle. I imagine we’re on the Eridians’ side, as I said above, but who knows, maybe the Watcher went rogue. 

oh and also, the next song:

“Doomsday” by NERO

oh hey, I recognize this song, it’s giving me major BL2 flashbacks lmao

Also the last song in the playlist, which is giving me the big fear (tm)

I imagine that we wouldn’t have been brought to the Eridian homeworld if it wasn’t kind of a huge deal, and what’s more of a huge deal than the end of the universe?!

that’s what i’d call doomsday, anyway.

could be the reason the Eridians are coming out of hiding after all this time. Either to stop our dumb human asses from opening the Vaults, or to get help against these alien fucks because our dumb human asses keep destroying their first line of defense- the Vault Monsters.

If the twins actually DO remain the main villains throughout the whole game, then I imagine this is them prepping to destroy the universe

but maaaan i really want some aliens... maybe the universe destroying power IS the aliens? aw hell yeah

[hellomissmabel]

Bye Bye Brooklyn Boys (12) - version 2

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warnings: A tad of angst? Mentions of sexual activity.

Word count: 2.602

Summary: Memories

Inspired by “This is the first thing” by my favourite band You Me At Six. I still cannot believe I actually got to meet them!

September, October, November , December,

January , February, March,  April

May, June, July

August (1)

Come a little closer As the night gets older Of you I grow fonder Just let my hands wander

Dean slowly pulls out of me, his sweat-slicked body creating a shy glow as he’s trailing feverish open-mouthed kisses along my jawline and down to my collarbone.

“Birthday sex is the best kind of sex,” you sigh against his lips, tilting his chin so he’s just out of reach before he continues his quest down the valley of your breasts and your bare torso.

“I’m going to miss you babe,” he purrs a little, the warmth of his body heightened due to your extraneous activities.

“Then don’t go on that hunting trip with your brother,” you hum as his teeth graze lightly over your perky nipples, extracting a low moan from the back of your throat, Dean’s dick twitching underneath the sheets.

Pushing Dean aside, I make my way towards the bathroom to clean myself up a little first before going for a possible round two. I call out his name, coaxing him out of the bed as well so can get himself a new pair of boxers but as soon as I peek around the corner, his sleeping and snoring form is adorable wrapped around our pillows. Finishing up and perfecting my bedhead, I climb in the bed next to him. A small smile plays on his lips and I inhale deeply, his worn-off cologne lingering still on my entire body.

I let out a soft laugh as he mumbles in his early slumber. “No kiss goodnight?”

“I can think of something better,” I say, tone teasing, fingertips skimming his velvety skin. Reaching for his hand underneath the covers, squeezing it gently as I kiss up his neck and across his cheek. Soon enough his eyes are open wide and his lips hovering over mine, passion not far away.

Dean places his hands on my hips, steadying me on top of him until I’m straddling his lap. “I love you”, he smiles up at me.

Running my nose down his jaw, he growls into my skin, pressing his growing member into my inner thigh. He’s just as rock hard as before. “Dean,” I whimper seductively, wantonly.

He nestles his head on top of my before pressing a chaste peck to my hair. “Y/N,” he moans when I shift a little to get at least some kind of friction. “I am too tired and so are you.”

“I’m not tired anymore,” I giggle when the tip of my nose collides with his.

“Is that so?,” he questions with a cocked eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips before you deliver him with your absolution sliding your wet heat across his length.

“Shit,” he hisses as his forehead bumps into your shoulder, chest heaving with restraint.

You allow your eyes to dance across his features before retreating, falling down next to him with a satisfied grin. “I made up my mind,” you tease relentlessly, “I’m exhausted.”

His lips are on yours before you can speak further, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip. Tenderly you suck his tongue into your mouth, using his body as a focal point. You are his treasure map and each time you make love, he crosses off another spot he discovered, another spot he ravished with his godlike body. He rolls his hips against yours and instinctively you answer by lacing your legs around his waist.

“Now now, darling,” he growls ferally, hips bucking slightly as he presses into your cunt, his pelvis rubbing against your still sensitive skin. “You started it, now let me finish it. Let me finish you.”

This is the first thing I thought This is the last thing that I want You were the first one I loved You were the first love I lost

The house feels empty without your man. Dean left right after breakfast, his brother picking him up with a big, goofy smile plastered on his adorable face. You really like Sam and the connection he shares with his brother.

But days like these, where there’s no one around and nothing to do with sit and wait, you find yourself rummaging through your closet for the souvenir box you keep on the bottom shelf. “There it is,” you whisper contentedly when your fingertips touch its wooden surface.

There’s not much inside, just a couple old pictures of you and your parents and the diary you used to keep in your bedside table during high school. But there’s a third item in there as well, one you reach out to instantly. It’s just a simple keychain, but it used to belong to Bucky. Your mind often wanders back to Bucky and how stupid you feel that you let him worm his way back into your thoughts like this. Nevertheless, you regret your decision of never forgiving him for his mistakes. He tossed away his second and his third chance, no longer worthy of your forgiveness. Yet you can’t bring yourself to forgive yourself as well.

You put the box back where you found it and make your way to the living room, attempting to catch up on some of your favourite TV shows but failing when the doorbell suddenly rings.

“Hello. I have a package for Y/N?,” the blond man informs you as you slide open the front door. “It was originally delivered at your old address but the woman was so kind to give me your new one. Sorry about the delay.”

He gingerly hands you the cardboard box as if it’s the most fragile thing in the entire world. You thank him with a polite smile and a small nod, slowly closing the door behind you as you study the information scribbled on the ticket on the top of the box. It had been sent to your old address, just like the mailman had said, approximately one week ago.

Sitting cross-legged on the sofa, you tear it open and gasp once it reveals its contents. There are so many letters inside! Carding your hands through the envelopes, your fingers come across the familiar handwriting you spent countless hours trying to decipher at University. Amongst all the pristine white there’s one red envelope that stands out, also signed 7 days ago.

You tentatively remove the letter from the envelope and start reading it out loud, fighting the silence that threatens to deafen you and swallow you whole.

“My dear, sweet Y/N,

My love, you’re so far away.

I hope you received my surprise in time and I trust that by now you might’ve already figured out that I wrote all these letters with the intention of sending them to you, but that I could never muster up the courage to do so, given what happened a year ago. But somehow I found my confidence again and decided to send them anyway. No harm done in trying, right?

I have written you every single day for the past 12 months, keeping you up to date on the ups and downs of my life in Wakanda. For me it’s some kind of coping mechanism, writing to you. It makes me feel like you’re still in my life, still my best girl and waiting for me back in Brooklyn.

I miss you so much, Y/N, and I love you so much. I apologised to Nat and Clint before I left. I made amends with everybody I’ve done wrong. I guess I just have to fix what’s broken between the two of us, the trust that I broke when I hurt you.

I never meant to cause you any hurt, doll. I’m just not used to someone loving me the way you did. But that doesn’t exonerate me from my sins and I perfectly understand if you never want to see me again. I understand that you might never read this because you threw it all out with the trash.

But darling, the distance is simply too much to bear. I want to be near you, I want to love you and caress you. I want to be the man you wake up next to, the guy that makes you smile and cry tears of happiness. I need you to know that my soul is yours, my heart is yours, my body and my mind, it’s all yours.

You are my sanity, my anchor. So let me be true to you, let me love you the way you deserve to be loved, not the love you chose to settle for. I’m coming back to you soon, sweetheart.

Yours forever and always,

James”

Little droplets cause the ink to run out, spreading across the entire page as you toss it away before attacking the stack of paper in your lap, picking up a random letter and devouring it with all that you are. You read every single letter, not stopping until you’re finished and laying on the ground, rocking back and forth whilst crying your heart out.

You left it too late To change the way I think I'll never say never again Those words will never ever pass my lips

The drive over to Bucky’s new place is tantalisingly long. You didn’t take much time to change or make yourself more presentable, just jumped into your skinny black jeans and favourite t-shirt, not even bothering to switch shoes and hailing a cab in your slippers. You albeit throw the money at the driver before stepping out and wrapping your arms around your shaking body. You’re not cold, it’s the midst of summer after all. You’re shaking because you left Dean’s home in a hurry trying to figure out whether or not you should take your old lover back.

A sentence from one of the letters comes to mind, standing out immediately in a stark contrast against the countless other love letters Bucky has written you over the course of many, too many days.

“You used to be an island to me, so beautiful, so exotic and yet so remote. I always thought I would never be good enough for you, that I was just another sailor failing to get ashore. But now I know that it was me who had been the island, creating more distance where there was none. And you, my love, were the sailor looking for the old, forgotten treasure that is my heart. You loved me once and I hope you can find it in your heart to love me still.”

He always ended with “Yours forever and always, James”.

You ring the buzzer and as its sound kills the time, it also inflates your nerves. What if he doesn’t answer? No, Wanda assured you he’d be home. What if someone else, another woman opens the door? No, otherwise he wouldn’t have begged you to come see him. All these what ifs eat away at you that you don’t even notice a set of the brightest blue eyes falling on your insecure frame, locking eyes with the ground below.

“I didn’t know you’d show up. I mean, I didn’t know for sure,” his soft voice sings lightly, causing your head to snap up and your eyes to hover over his baby blues. “I hoped you would. I even prayed.”

Time has not been unkind to him, his five o’clock shadow making way for a more younger appeal of his clean-shaven jaw. “Bucky,” you heave out with your last breath. “I want to be stronger. I want to be stronger and resist you. But I also don’t want to be worlds apart from you. I can’t do this any longer, I can’t string myself along like this.”

“Doll,” he shushes, taking you into his arms. Melting into his embrace, you release the tears you’ve been holding up. Bucky allows you to crawl deeper underneath his skin, not for a second daring to break the electric current conjoining your bodies.

“I love Dean, I really do. But he’s just another Steve, I am not in love with him,” you cry quietly, your voice wavering with every loud sob whilst an ugly frown disturbing your skin. His eyes never leave yours, his tone not budging an inch as he dedicates every single word that leaves his lips to you.

“I am here, you are here. We are both here. I just want to be yours, if you let me.”

“Please just kiss me,” you beg him, softly grabbing him by the collar as you gauge his reaction. Bucky chuckles, connecting your lips to his in a breathy laugh. Bucky takes control of the kiss and you don’t have to do anything but follow his lead. It’s effortlessly, falling in line with the movements of his body.

He’s positively glowing now he’s got you back in his arms. “I know I’m not supposed to say this, but you’re better off without me, Y/N. You deserve a better man than I will ever be.”

“No,” you reply resolutely, “I’m broken, Bucky,” you explain to him. “I am broken and I tried to put all my pieces back together alone. When that didn’t work, I found someone who was willing to do it for me and along the way I lost pieces of my puzzle, never finding them back again.

So I filled up the blank spaces with other people’s pieces, not realising that when I took a piece of them they lost a piece of their own puzzle as well. I put people through the same misery that I put myself through and I tried to give it all back but failed. It seems like you’re the only one that has the pieces that fit just right since somehow I always seem to find my way back to you.”

This is the first thing I thought This is the last thing that I want You were the first one I loved You were the first love I lost

“You brought me down to my knees,” he blurts out, cupping your face in his hands as the dark of night behind his blue eyes drowns in your flood of tears. “You are the only woman for me. I want you to hear this loud and clear. You,” he takes a deep breath, “You are what matters most to me, you always have.”

Bucky’s tired, you can see it in every breath he takes, the smile on his face wavering slightly with the pressure of insomnia weighing down on him. Bucky is the Atlas of your existence, the soldier fighting a lonely war against his own insecurities. But he doesn’t have to do it alone anymore, he no longer has to trip over the wires of other people’s lives intertwining while he remains isolated.

“And you are the only man for me, Buck.”

He sends you a worn-out smile, beaming with happiness yet weary of the grabby hands of fate waiting to drag you away from him again. You wonder how you could have ever missed it, the haunting look in his eyes whenever he had a sleepless night or the devastating depths of the hole he’s dug for himself. Your lips are on fire as soon as they soothe the corners of his mouth, lifting as he laughs into the kiss.

“Why don’t you call me James anymore?” he exhales slowly when you break apart, his hand rubbing your arms reassuringly and his gaze set on your in a soft comfort. Pressing your lips against his one more time, tasting the sweet innocence of your reunion on the tip of his tongue, you reply without hesitation, wrinkles forming at your elated eyes.

“Because I’m yours now.”

Part 13: the letters

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