#i can't. bring myself to tag any of the characters i'm so sorry. this isn't any of them.

[codacheetah]

Hi guys! 🥰I drew the In Stars and Time cast as Hazbin Hotel characters. Do you guys like it? 😝

[lightasthesun]

I thought the likes to reblogs ratio was bad three years ago but boy it's reached a point of no existence now.

No one fucking reblogs ANY creation anymore. I'm sorry to go off but how fucking ungrateful are some of you... Do you have any idea how many hours it takes to create a gifset? Let alone fanart of your favourite character? A fanfiction? Hours to Days to Weeks!!!

It's free, glorious art you're consuming every day, again and again because it brings you joy—

And you can't even be bothered to fucking reblog it.

How rude. How humiliating.

If leaving tags or comments makes you nervous that's one thing and there's nothing shameful about it; I deal with social anxiety myself, but a normal reblog is one press of the button! You can even do the quick version on mobile or get a desktop extension for the website.

There's no excuse for your lack of support while continuing to enjoy content and expecting new things to consume to miraculously appear on your dash every day.

Because that's what you do even as your brain tells you "well they should just create it for themselves and not for attention" right now and you know it.

Of course we're primarily creating it for ourselves but we're sharing it with you for free. Don't you want validation for hard work? Don't you want to share something you're excited about with someone else? Don't you want the thrill of fandom interactions?

This is a blogging website. This isn't Instagram or tiktok or the not-so-birdapp-anymore.

Use the tool provided for you so this website works. If not you're contributing to Tumblrs slow demise.

Sincerely.

Fuck you :)

[jessybarnes]

Just A Taste

Title: Just A Taste

Pairing: Steve Kemp x F!Reader

Rating: 18+ Only! Minors DNI!

Word Count: 1,643

Tags: Smut, angst, fluff, face riding, oral sex (female receiving), clit play, tongue fucking, kissing, crying, feelings of not being good enough, being held captive, out of character Steve, squirting, explicit language, and I think that’s it.

Written For: KINKMAS 2022

Day 1: Face Riding

Beta(s): Just Grammarly

A/N: Okay, so this was supposed to be posted on the 14th but because I received anon hate I decided to wait because I just wasn't feeling good about myself. I'm still not, but here this is anyway. I'm sorry it's bad. I know Steve is way out of character. Sorry, for my bad writing.

Steve opens the door to his cellar and heads down the stairs. His fingers wrap tightly around the key card as he exhales harshly through his nose. Today was stressful. Well, every day is, but today was even more so.

His shoes click methodically on the hard floor as he walks slowly toward your cell. The other ones are all empty except for two, but those women don't matter to him. Not in the way that you do.

You're...different.

From the day he saw you standing in line at the little deli he frequents, he was captivated by your beauty. He'd never seen someone so beautiful before in his life.

So beautiful, in fact, that he can't bring himself to use you the way he's used all of the other women he's captured. Every time he opens your cell door and sees those big, doe eyes of yours looking up at him, his stomach fills with butterflies.

Even on bad days like this, you bring a light to him that illuminates his darkness.

Steve can see you sitting cross-legged on the thin bed roll, a Cosmopolitan magazine open on your lap. You're chewing on your bottom lip, something he's noted as a habit of yours, and it makes arousal coil in his lower abdomen.

He raises the key card to unlock the door and slides it open. You look up and offer him a soft, nervous smile.

"H-Hi"

Steve smiles at the fear and innocence in your eyes. God, he loves the power he holds over you.

"Hey, sweetheart. Reading anything good?"

You look down at the magazine and move your gaze back to his. It really should disgust you that your attraction to your kidnapper outweighs your motivation to escape. There's no way he feels the same. At first, you'd thought that's why he hadn't harmed you, but now you're starting to think there's something else wrong with you.

You've been here for a long time now, and he still hasn't done what he said he do the first night he'd brought you here. Maybe you're not good enough for him now and he's just keeping you here as a prisoner because he's afraid you'll rat him out and ruin his whole operation.

Wow, I'm so undesirable not even the man who took me captive wants anything to do with me... how pathetic...

"Just the horoscope page," you say quietly.

The sadness in your tone doesn't go unnoticed and Steve realizes it's a different kind of sad. Not the kind he's used to anyway. He pushes off the doorframe and walks closer to you. His knees pop as he crouches down, his fingers tilting your chin up so you meet his eyes.

"Somethings wrong, and it isn't just because I've got you imprisoned in this room."

It isn't a question, but you know he means to ask what's bothering you. The lump in your throat rises and you're certain if you try and speak the dam inside you will break.

Your lower lip trembles and Steve brushes his thumb over it to keep it still. He watches as tears gather in your eyes and feels his heart constrict with another foreign feeling.

He's been angry before, but never this kind. This kind is new to him. This is a protective type of anger that makes his blood boil.

Steve sits down and pulls you into his lap. You curl into him as soft, quiet sobs shake your body. A deep scowl etches onto his features and even though he's the only one who's had any type of contact with you for the past two months, it still doesn't change the fact that he'd kill anyone who brought you harm.

...Oh...

That's when it dawns on him.

He's fallen for you.

Hard.

Your small voice breaks through your sobs and Steve wipes your tears away with his thumb as he looks down at you.

"Th-There's some...something wrong with m-me, isn't there?"

He shakes his head, "why would there be anything wrong with you? You're the least fucked up person in this house, Y/N."

You sniffle and adjust yourself so you're looking at him properly. He really is attractive, and you're so close to him. Close enough that you could just lean in and-

"Sweetheart?"

Your eyes fall to your lap along with your hands, the chain around your wrist jingling reminding you of where you're at. Maybe you do belong here if you're having sexual thoughts about your fucking abductor.

"Because," you sigh, "I've been in here for a long time and...and you've...well, you haven't...haven't um..."

You can't bring yourself to even say it, but Steve seems to get what you're trying to tell him. He tilts your chin back up again and for the first time in a long time, he actually looks sincere.

"You think because I haven't done to you what I've done to the others that you're not good enough?"

You nod and he swallows thickly. He's normally desensitized to seeing women cry, but with you, it's like someone's torn open a wound in the middle of his chest. He can't stand it and he can't help himself as he leans down to capture your lips in a heated kiss.

You gasp and he takes the opportunity to slide his tongue past your lips into your warm, wet mouth. He kisses you fiercely, his arms holding you tightly against him, and for a moment you actually believe he wants this...wants you.

Steve pulls away and you search his eyes for a moment before speaking up.

"I...don't...I don't understand... how come-"

He shushes you with another kiss and taps your thigh so you'll get up. He stands with you and pulls a set of keys from his pocket, the same sincere expression still on his face.

"We'll talk more later, baby. Right now, I've gotta taste you, and I need you somewhere more comfortable for that."

The look of horror on your face catches him off guard, but he quickly recovers and shakes his head, his hands cupping your cheeks tenderly.

"Oh, angel, I didn't mean it like that. I promise I'm not going to harm one hair on that pretty, little head of yours."

He pulls you flush against him, one of his large hands sliding underneath the elastic band of your sweatpants.

"What I meant was," two of his fingers apply delicious pressure on your clit making your breath hitch, "I wanna taste this sweet, little cunt, Y/N."

Heat pools in your belly at his words, and you let yourself feel the way the pads of his fingers roll over your sensitive bud. He removes them just as quickly and you let out a little whine in protest.

"Don't be impatient," he admonishes and unlocks the cuff on your wrist.

Steve leads you out of the cell and down the long hallway. You come to a set of stairs and he climbs them, unlocking the door at the top with his key card before taking you through the main part of his house. His bedroom is cozy and neat, but you don't get a chance to really look at it because, in the next second, he's practically tearing your clothes off.

"So sweet...so pretty and innocent, baby. I bet your pussy tastes like heaven."

Steve lays down on the bed and tilts his head back so he can look at you. His cock tents his pants and your mouth waters at the thought of him fucking your throat.

"Come here, princess. Come sit on my face and let me taste you."

You climb over him, your knees just above each of his shoulders. He groans and wraps his arms around your thighs as he looks up at your glistening pussy.

"Fucking soaked, baby."

He pulls you down and drags his tongue from your soaked hole to your hard clit, sending a shockwave of pleasure through your body.

"Oh, fuck! Steve!"

He begins to devour you, switching from slipping his tongue inside your pussy and sucking on your sensitive nub. You start to rock your hips and whine when he holds you still.

Steve's insatiable.

He can't get enough of the way you taste, the way your dripping cunt clenches around his tongue every time he pushes it inside you. He's instantly addicted and he's determined to see how many times he can make you cum just from his mouth alone.

"Oh, my god! Fuck! Please!... Steve, I...it feels so fucking good, baby."

He lifts you up and looks up into your eyes, "ride my face, princess. Make yourself cum all over my fucking tongue."

You moan loudly and roll your hips, the sensation of his mouth on your pussy making you toss your head back in pleasure.

Your hands grip his hair and you move your cunt faster across his tongue, the spark of arousal now a full-blown inferno as you climb closer and closer to pure bliss.

Steve grips your ass and flicks his tongue faster, his name falling past your lips over and over in a desperate plea.

"Steve! Oh, God Steve! Please! Steve, you're so good...fuck, m'gonna cum you're so fucking good, baby!"

Your legs begin to shake and moments later the coil inside you snaps as you gush all over him. He growls possessively and takes everything you give him until you're too sensitive.

Steve rolls you over so you're on your back, his body caging you in.

"I'm gonna need you to do that again, baby."

Your eyes go wide, "Steve, I don't think that's possible. I'm too sensitive and-"

"Nonsense," he cuts you off and kisses down your body, a smirk dancing across his lips, it's definitely possible, princess."

He kisses your clit and you suck in a sharp breath.

"And you're gonna give me as many as I want."

Tag List: @madashatters18 @sarahrogersevans @chrisevansdaughter @nana1000night @pono-pura-vida @ejshellsiteofsins @imyourbratzdoll

[annwrites]

I know I'm about to disappoint a number of people with this, but I'd rather just put it out there, instead of leaving my readers waiting for something I've now decided isn't going to happen.

I will not be doing the Aemond x SG (reader) happily-ever-after AU.

Reasons why under the cut:

I want to preface by saying I have started a draft of it, which I will be keeping saved on my Google Drive, incase I ever change my mind one day and/or find a way to edit it that will please me.

Now, for the reasons why I've chosen to abandon the one-shot:

There is no feasible way for me to write it which will keep canon events in-place, or keep SG & Aemond both in-character.

I initially wanted the HEA myself, but, at this point, I feel like if I published it, it would be solely for fan-service. Something I myself detest. I hated when GoT did it, & I've hated when HotD has done it.

SG would never be happy in any of the Free Cities, due to slavery. The only one she would ever find a modicum of contentment in would be Braavos—a place most unfit for a dragon to reside, due to most of it being under water.

And please don't suggest I send them to Sothoryos or Yi-To or Leng or something. Bc, just... No.

Aemond is not going to abandon Vhagar so they can go live on a floating island somewhere. Which leaves them with little other possibilities of where to relocate.

And, say I went with my one anon's idea of having them make a pact with the Price of Pentos like Daemon did (he gives them refuge in exchange for Vhagar's protection against the Triarchy). SG would be forced to make slaves answer to her & Aemond would live out his days doing naught. Riding Vhagar, taking long walks on the beach, etc. He'd feel, effectively, useless.

And once the Dance broke out? He'd be chomping at the fucking bit to return to Westeros to go to war. And for him to fight against SG's half of the family? It'd rip them apart.

If he stayed just to make her happy, he'd come to resent her, bc he would feel gelded. Having his dragon, his knowledge of battle-planning, skills with a sword all for nothing.

Say I make it so the Dance never happens. I'm just abandoning canon in such a major way that I don't feel comfortable with. Like. Aemond exists in ASoIaF bc of the Dance—not the other way around.

And I don't see their families not coming after them in some form. Whether that's Jace flying to Essos to try & retrieve his twin, or Aegon or Otto sending men after Aemond, they'd never live in peace. Not for the first few years there, at least.

And Aemond is just... Not a healthy match for her. I'm sorry. I myself have tried to change a toxic male partner & the shit cannot be done. He is obsessed with his niece. If she put a toe too far out of line, he would come to show his true colors & she would permanently live in fear of him for the rest of her days.

And that fear would only further embolden his efforts to keep her. He would see it as her not loving him as she's "meant" to, which, must, by extension, mean she may leave him. Time to batten down the hatches & ensure she has no place left to run.

The phrase "if I can't have you, no one can" comes to mind.

So, that brings me to what I may still eventually write: the tragic ending fic for the two of them.

The events of Sons & Daughters chapters 1-8 would be canon, as well as all of the outtakes, minus perhaps the Cregan pregnant sex one—I'd have to figure that one out. But it would start immediately after the Harrenhal outtake ended. It's why that chapter ended so abruptly: I was setting up for this potential fic.

Make NO mistake: this AU would NOT be canon. Chapter 9 is what is canon.

This fic would simply exist to explore a terribly dark "what if" version of my story. And it will include many triggering scenes. Posts will be tagged accordingly when/if the time comes.

Well, that's all I really had to say about this lol. Feel free to still send me your thoughts/commentary. I'd be surprised if a couple people didn't try to talk me back into the happy fic & out of the dark one, but I think my mind is pretty-well made up about it. Sorry!

[doctorguilty]

Cartoons rant

Wondering when we'll find out who the main writers are for f&c s2 because I desperately want that one person off responsible for all the worst episodes including the fuckshit with degenerating betty into like a meek subjugated woman and being like simon is a bad person because of autism also here's half of the climax screen time wasted on simon being guilt tripped and then apologizing for being autistic. I still can't tolerate looking in the tags for that show because the fans who did not watch any og AT or at least past s5 have no concept of how bad all that was and never stop posting think pieces about how "petrigrof shippers" are in denial when like. That isn't a "ship" that is literally an enormous plot point in the entire body of AT lore you CAN'T separate it without taking away meaningful things about almost like every other beloved character, why is it considered cringe to like, think a story about tragic romance is meaningful, how is "their relationship had problems all along" a better conclusion to the entire thing that like, almost destroyed the entire world in the AT finale, and then saved it, and betty did all that btw ??? Sorry I'm not over it like what's next, in s2 pb and marceline break up because they realize they're not gay after all and never were, like that's the level of stupid the whole way simon and betty were handled

AND on a personal level it just sucks so bad to have this whole incredible story that revolves around a suicidally depressed man grappling with the responsibility of other lives being connected to him and goes on this like journey showing that every alternate world where he doesn't exist is significantly worse off and his like difficult acceptance of his own worth grows alongside his new friend's acceptance of the worth of her own world and how selfish it was of her to not only want to take it from her loved ones but allow a new friend she quickly came to love throw himself away for her, witnessing how magic is a destructive force across universes and even when she had it, it came at the cost of someone else's destruction (and that someone else being the same person trying to destroy himself again!!), cause it was so like wow this is such a powerful story about the value of the life you're give and no matter how worthless you think your life is the impact you have is greater than you could ever imagine, and that's why you need to live and cherish what you have. Only for it to climax at like. A weird drag about selfishness in rationships like wha????????? And like blaming Simon for being cursed like as though it was a choice he made like if he was just less selfish (autistic) none of that would have happened but that's literally nowhere in the lore like huh??????? I never bring myself to rewatch any of the episodes after Jerry cause it's just too frustrating and that's where it takes a nosedive

[desultory-novice]

Been awhile since I had seen your stuff, and I really enjoy what you’ve been coming up with! Glad to see you’re having fun

(Also, how did you start here, so to speak? I would love to be an active creator in the kirblr community, but since I just lurk and rb because I don’t have the energy/confidence to create, I just feel like an unwelcome stalker LOL. Sorry if this is too much!)

Oh, gosh, thank you so much! I'm a little impressed at how things have turned out after barely two years(?) here myself!

I don't know if my methods could ever work for anyone else as they do me, as I attribute a lot of "this" to serendipity but...

...It seems to me I really took off after opening my inbox up to doing detailed ask memes about the characters. Again, this was kind of luck on my part because I spoke very lovingly (albeit truthfully!) about a few mega popular characters, which caused two of their fandom BNFs to kindly reblog my posts, and that sent a bunch more asks for the WHOLE rest of the Kirby cast my way!

I'm sorry to say, it does take a lot of energy though. But I do get the struggle, as I'm often exhausted by life/lots of jobs. However, if you can find any sort of mental "trick" to keep yourself going, you might discover you have more energy than you think inside you!

(Me, I'm very visual, and I keep a collection of my favorite fanart on hand. If I think I've exhausted myself on a character/ran out of ideas of things to talk about, I'll browse through my personal "gallery" and it will help me to remember characters/events/interesting points.)

As to the matter of confidence, you've probably heard the whole "fake it to you make it" bit and to a degree, at least, it's true. I've had a couple of posts where I've flooded the tags with things like "OMG this is so bad and I'm so sorry!" or "I had no time to work on this and it shows~" or "if this sucks it's because life is crushing my soul and I just want to sleep for a thousand years..." annnnnd unfortunately...

...even if it's how you're feeling At The Time, those things can make people feel like they're intruding into your space by liking or reblogging it. It's like, if you're telling us something so personal and private, maybe you really only want to hear from a friend right now, and not a stranger...? What I've done is I've told myself it's okay to write out those low self-esteem thoughts elsewhere but try to let the people who are here for the art/images/videos/writing/discussions just enjoy your art/images/videos/writing/discussions.

If you've got something to get off your chest, don't feel like you have to hold it inside, but don't hold your audience captive either.

(Also, something else fun about this: if you cast out positivity, you may find that it comes back to you, and when you look again at that thing you shared, it was NOT as "awful" as you thought.)

Now, a lot of that was about "external" confidence or what you display. As for internal confidence, that's... kind of a constant struggle. We all -- and by all, I I mean even famous published creators -- have times when we think our work isn't good enough. Annnd...

...Well, it isn't always great. But the fact that something isn't great now (even if it's the absolute best we can do at the time) doesn't mean we have no skill at something! We all have to start somewhere. And sometimes "somewhere" is a piece of art or writing or theory or humorous content that only 1-2 people think is "...Eh, not bad."

My first "hit it big" piece? My "Moon's Haunted" Kirby meme? Ohhh man, I can't STAND to look at now! I redrew it a few months back and if I were to redraw it today, it'd look better still, probably. The key is that I tried (...and that I meme-posted when the game was going viral >.> ) and I think that shone through??

(...It might be silly, but there IS a Nintendo Direct tomorrow. Probably no Kirby news, as I assume Vanpool's closure will bring an end to us getting multiple Kirby titles a year, but if you really want to try and take that ^ path, you can always get up early/stay up late and ready yourself to post commentary on any news!)

That doesn't just go for art, but writing/theories/HC as well. I myself find it a little sad when someone starts on a post and then will just trail off with "...lol I dunno, didn't think about it that hard."

"Don't say that, person on the internet," I cry! Do you realize how much information is at your fingertips right now? You can google for things even if you only know it as "that thing in that one movie about the fruit." You can watch a Youtube video in 5 minutes explaining the mechanics of something you've never seen or ever hope to do before! You can even watch a Youtube playthrough of a Kirby thing you forgot instead of saying "You forgot!" Don't know how to draw cloaks? Pinterest has millions of references! Don't like Pinterest? Just google "cloaks, Pinterest" and click on the images tab and you will never have to log into that accursed site! It just takes WANTING to.

Though sometimes, I think people write that out of embarrassment? Maybe they DID think about it but they don't think anyone would be interested? Or maybe they really didn't think about X or Y but didn't want to feel like they were neglecting anybody and that something is better than nothing. Which it is, but LOVE is even more important!

...And love, especially in a fandom space, can be ~complicated~

Like I mentioned above, I'm LUCKY that my top favorite characters also come close to topping the rest of "the fandom's" list. But as I've said before, I love every character in Kirby. Even the ones-people-want-to-throw-off-a-bridge-into-a-waste-treatment-plant..

And if I'd started off my tumblr as a "The Susie Haltmann Appreciation Blog!" as opposed to my actual "Hey I'm Completely Obsessed About Marx and Magolor and I Think About Them All The Time (...but I also like the Haltmanns from a story perspective for their heartrending tragedy that hits close to home for me...) Blog" I don't know if we'd be having this conversation right now. ^^;

(It doesn't just have to be all about controversy/"discourse" related stuff either. I could have started a "Daily Sillydillo" blog and had to retire it in a month due to low levels of interaction. The concept of fandom favorites might not be very egalitarian, when every character deserves to have their story enjoyed, but sometimes, strong love can make up for the lack of eyes on a thing. Occasionally ^^)

...Anyway, you might not have the energy, at least not all the time, and confidence might be a little low right now too, but you love Kirby, right? You have passion for it? Passion can get you a lot! And also, there's a few methods of interaction that, for personal reasons, I could not choose that have done wonders for everyone else!

For example, I have some old, unhealed trauma about OCs, but there's a whole hu~ge section of Kirblr that loves OCs and, as far as I've seen (??) tries to be really supportive about them?

Lastly, I can guarantee you, you are NOT a stalker and anyone who thinks being a "quiet supportive fan" equates to being a stalker should consider moving away from thinking of themselves and/or others in that negative way. You have stalked nobody! You have only shown an active interest in others! That is a POSITIVE thing!

And on that note, you're definitely not unwelcome either! Especially if you're one of the precious, wonderful people out there who reblog lots! If you want to get your toes wet, why not test the waters and build your confidence in this space by adding some of your thoughts onto your reblogs? You could build a rep/connections that way!

TLDR, sometimes gaining an audience/a space is a magic trick that no one knows the secret to. Other times, it is the result of months and months and months of hard, lonesome persistence.

The best advice I can give you is advice I would give myself:

-Be kind if you can, if you cannot, then be understanding -Demonstrate care about your interests and those of others -Forgive yourself for being at the beginning of your journey

-Enthusiasm, sincerity, and love are warm lights in this world of ours that can, at times, seem so dim and dreary. Light a little lantern for yourself and remember to laugh loud with joy that life is also so amazingly, ridiculously magical and before you know it, others will find their way to your light to add their lantern to yours!

[omniversal-ben-10-au-shit]

Hi again

Yeah I know I don't need a ton of blogs and the likes but I king of want to keep my main one to random shit and my headcannon one to that, so I decided to make this to post exclusively about my Ben 10 AU/ Aus (might mention not exclusivly things for my Omniversal Au, but they will all have to do with Ben 10).

Some things to note.

I am mean to my characters, and put them through a lot of bull shit, meaning thing can be kinda heavy at times. I will try to tag correctly but I'm sorry if I mess up. You can tell me so I can do my est to keep it in mind for next time but if you want the tags changed you might have to walk me through it. I'm sorry if that causes any trouble

I certainly do not have experience with some of the things presented in this au. I'm trying to be respectful and not exploitative in any way with the heavy things (primarily around things like Ben's abuse, the trauma characters go through, the mental health issues I depicts ect) but I might genuinely misunderstand. I'm open to criticism, just maybe try to be a little gentle with me because I can quite deeply get into my own head (don't just tell me I'm wrong, please tell me how and if you can give me something to work off of. like x isn't really how that works maybe try y instead)

With that being said I am kind of in the boat of fiction is fiction I don't consider myself pro ship or anti ship, and I will write what I do.

This is an AU so yes some characters are going to be different than the main cannon. Right now it's fairly cannon compliant, but some things are going to happen differently than in the actual cannon. I'm not going to change the story unles someone can point out general fuck ups (like me really fucking over ages, or major plot holes) which I will do my bet to fix

Also working on a story connected to it on Ao3, but I'm not going to link it until my editing catches up with where I left off as I am changing the perspective from past to present tense. Do keep in mind I may even after that go back and edit the formatting because right now it's one episode for one chapter because I want to do OS-AF-UA-OF, but of course that's not going to be so simple because I also kind of want to partly work in a version of my Ben 10/ Harry Potter fanfic in some way because I just feel like that can work (No I don't support JK Rowling, but I'm not going to stop liking Harry Potter for it. This is not a blog for discourse so please don't bring up discourse over things like that, talking design and things [I have still avoided watching OF/ OV whatever it is just because of how Big Chill looks and nothing else anymore] but please don't be dicks)

I have ADHD and either dislexia or disgraphia (it might have been both I genuinely do not remember, all I know is that I can't spell to save my life and my gramer is atrocious) please be a bit patient with me, but deffinitly point out spelling. It's helpful and I'm more than willing to try and fix thing. Also if things can be worded a bit better you can tell me

I get that this is a bit long but thank you for putting up with me. I'm probably going to spam this a bit because I'm really eager about this AU and need to get some ideas out.

thank you for being patient with me

[superherorobots]

Hello everyone!! I am back for REAL this time!!

I am deeply sorry about the SUPER long hiatus that this blog was on, I had a lot going on at the time but now I've got everything figured out and under control so I think I'm finally ready to be active on this blog again! And there are a LOT of new things I'm going to be trying out too and some old stuff I'm going to bring back as well, such as:

More of my own art! I'm going to start posting some of my sketches and WIPs instead of waiting until I have digitally outlined and colored them because that always takes AGES for me to finish XD

Analysis and headcanon posts! This is something I have ALWAYS wanted to do but was too shy to because everyone has very different headcanons and interpretations, but I've realized that there isn't really anything to fear about sharing my own thoughts and headcanons, especially since this fandom is generally very kind and accepting of different headcanons and opinions and interpretations!

More memes! Anyone who's been following this blog since its very early days probably remembers that I used to make a lot of simple memes and character alignment charts. I stopped doing that because I ran out of ideas, but now I have way more new ideas since I know practically everything about Mega Man at this point!

Polls! Ever since I learned of tumblr's new poll feature, I've been brimming with ideas for Mega Man related polls! I'm thinking I might make it a weekly or biweekly thing and I can't wait to make some soon!

YouTube Recommendations! One thing I've learned about myself in this past year or so is that I LOVE finding and listening to remixes and covers of Mega Man themes, especially my favorite ones! I am just absolutely obsessed with it, I even have a whole playlist of my favorite ones that I found! And because of that I think it would be a really cool idea if I made posts linking each one of them and putting my commentary either in the post or in the tags! They are just SO GOOD, y'all, I just HAVE to share them so you can all hear them and so I can talk about them!!

And I think that's everything! Also just because I have a lot of new original stuff I plan to post doesn't mean that I'm going to reblog stuff any less, I still plan on reblogging everyone's amazing content all the same and there are a LOT of posts that I've been meaning to reblog that I wasn't able to get around to doing before. I'm thinking of setting up a queue that will post like 2 or 3 reblogs a day and I may post more or less on certain days, but that might take a little while since I still need to write tags for a least a good few posts since all of them have either no tags yet or only have very few tags. But I know everything's going to work out in the end and I am very excited about getting this blog up and running again!

[fizzyxcustard]

Betrayal (12)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Masterlist of fan fiction

Fandom: Crossover of Spooks and Pilgrimage (Modern AU)

Pairings: Lucas North x OC/Raymond de Merville x OC

Warnings: Love triangle. Angst. Language. Sexual references/language. Cheating. Stalking. 

Summary: Amy Holland is Lucas North’s girlfriend of six months. Amy is aware of his job as an MI-5 agent and supports him. However, Lucas’ cousin, Raymond de Merville, has always loved Amy and uses their one night stand together as leverage for something more.

Comments/Notes: If you wish to be tagged in any of my tag lists for fics or characters, please let me know, and stipulate what you want to be tagged in. I’m gradually removing people from my tag lists who do not interact.

I also want to thank everyone who has stuck with me so far through this fic. I know it's probably very different from my normal kind of work and it's not everyone's cup of tea, but your encouragement and support has been amazing, those of you who have shared in this writing journey with me. Again, thank you.

Amy felt in her gut that she was safe to trust Raymond. If he loved her as much as he said he did, the last thing he would ever do was lead her astray and down a road towards destruction. "Tell me what's going on with Lucas," she pleaded.

"Aim, I promised him that I wouldn't break his confidence. I'm just terrified now of the consequences that it's all going to have and how that will affect you. But just know that his secrets have come back to bite him in the arse."

"Ray, please..."

"I hate being called Ray," he snapped. "I'm sorry. You started calling it me just after Lucas did and I can't stand it."

"I'm sorry," Amy sighed.

The heavy bustle of customers meant that Amy and Raymond's conversation, for the most part, was quiet. Other customers went about eating their meals, drinking, and conversing with each other. Considering it was a Monday night, a 'school night', the pub was still fairly busy.

"Raymond, please?"

"No, Aim. I won't break his trust. If he's going to hang, then let him to it to himself. I'm so glad you're away from London now. You're out of the way of him."

Amy took a huge breath and felt that shame wash over her again. She was the one who had cheated, betrayed her boyfriend, lied. Lucas had never, as far as she knew, been unfaithful. And Raymond had remained true to his promise to Lucas for keeping hold of his secret.

"I've treated you unfairly, and I'm sorry," Amy said. "When Lucas found out about us, I blamed you for everything, and it wasn't you. It was me. I was the one who knowingly cheated. I'm just so sorry for that."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, love," Raymond replied. "I did have my part to play in it all, let's be fair. I knew you and Lucas were together. But I can't bring myself to say that I'm sorry for what happened between us, because I'm not." Raymond shifted that little bit closer to Amy and lifted his hand, brushing his fingertips down her cheek. "I'll never be sorry for loving you. It's the best part of me. But I know you'll always be ashamed of yourself for sleeping with me."

"I'm not ashamed of sleeping with you. It was the fact I was with Lucas when I did it. You were right when you said there's something between us. There always has been, I know that. What I feel for you isn't something I'd ever regret; the only regret I have is that it broke Lucas' heart."

"Let me keep you safe. I think time is running out for Lucas now, and if the only thing I can do is make sure you're not dragged into the crossfire then I'll do it."

***

Raymond dropped Amy off at her parents' house that night. They both sat side by side, in the dark of the evening. "I'll be here until Thursday. Anything you need, just call me. "

Amy looked at him and could feel that magnetism beginning to build again. She needed to touch him in some way, taste him. She whispered his name and then leaned across, pressing her lips to his. Within a millisecond, he was responding. His hands were cupping her cheeks, his tongue was against hers. The heat, the electricity, the need and want was building.

Amy pulled herself away, her breathing elevated. Raymond's eyes were still on her.

"I don't want to leave you on your own," Raymond said between hitched breaths. "You're not safe around Lucas."

"I'm with my family. I have plenty of people..."

"Lucas is a spy, Aim. Don't forget that. He has his ways of means of making things look like accidents."

"W...what? Are you talking about him killing someone?"

"No, but if he needed to get to you, he'd find a way."

***

Vaughan's words were resounding around Lucas' head. This man knew the truth, the truth to Lucas' past. The only other man who knew was Raymond.

Lucas sat in his flat, staring at his phone which was on the coffee table. He needed to protect Amy from all of this, take her away and start over. He could give Vaughan what he wanted, the Albany file, and then disappear. Make up a new name, live as someone else. It wasn't so hard as he'd done it before.

Lucas' phone rang as he approached Thames House. "You have two more days, John. We've spoke about this on many occasions. Get that file and I won't hurt that pretty girlfriend of yours. I know she's in Coventry; apparently been seen in the company of your cousin, Raymond."

"Fuck you!" Lucas hissed. "Fuck you, you bastard. I'll get you that file, and then I'm coming for you!"

"No need for all this hostility, John. Get me the file and wire me the money, and we're even. Our last deal, you can trust me on that."

***

Amy was at work on her lunch break when she looked down at her phone, seeing that a voicemail had been left from Lucas. He sounded out of breath, angry, and verging on hysterical. "Amy, I need to come and get you. You're not safe. I'm coming to Coventry to get you."

Her heart began to race in her chest and heat rose up in her cheeks. Her first immediate thought was Raymond, who was still in Coventry for a further day. She dialled through to him, and within three rings he answered. "Raymond, it's starting," she said, her anxiety growing. "Lucas has left me a voicemail telling me he's coming to get me. He sounded hysterical."

"Don't respond to him. Make up an excuse with work and I'll come and get you. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes. Make sure that you stay near the security blokes at the front desk. Don't stray from view."

Amy made up a story that her father had been rushed into hospital and was excused from the rest of her day's work. Raymond appeared at the front entrance to the building not long after she had dashed from her desk.

By the time they had both got back to Raymond's hotel room, Amy was verging on tears. "Please, Raymond, tell me what's happening."

Raymond sighed and sat down beside Amy on the bed. "All I know at this point is someone from Lucas' past, who has quite a track record of illegal and dangerous activities, is blackmailing him into getting something from Thames House. That was all he told me."

"Why would he tell you that? I didn't think you two were on speaking terms anymore."

"I know a lot of Lucas' history and maybe he felt I was the only one he could trust. I won't say any more and break his trust on this."

Amy took Raymond's hand in hers. "Why are you protecting him?"

"He's my cousin, and I don't break promises."

***

Three more voicemails came through to Amy's phone from Lucas. Each one was asking where she was and begging her to answer his messages and calls.

Suddenly an unknown number began to call.

"Don't answer it," Raymond instructed.

Then the voicemail icon appeared.

Amy took a huge inhale and opened her voicemail, letting the message start. A man's voice swept down the line to her ear, a calm and quite monotone voice. "Amy Holland. You need to be aware that the man you think is Lucas North, isn't. The man you have been seeing for this last six months isn't who you think he is. His real name is John Bateman."

Tears dripped down Amy's cheeks and she dropped the phone on the bed. "I'm assuming this was the man who has been contacting Lucas...or whoever the fuck he is."

"What did he say?" Raymond asked, his stare intense on Amy.

"That Lucas isn't Lucas. You knew this, didn't you? This is what you've been keeping secret for him?"

"Yes." Raymond's reply with low, almost a whisper.

"But, why? Why would you keep that secret?"

"John and I were close as kids. I was like the older brother he never had. Our mums were sisters and we practically grew up together. I couldn't turn my back on him, no matter what had happened."

Amy remained silent for a few minutes, trying to comprehend all of what she was hearing. "All of it was a lie. Everything," she whispered.

"Not his relationship with you. He loves you, Amy. He never lied about that."

"Are you really Raymond?" Amy asked, feeling quite stupid. "I don't know what is real and what isn't."

"Yes, I'm me," Raymond replied with a very slight smile. "Served two tours of Afghanistan, dismissed on medical grounds. Born and raised in Nottingham; only child. You can trust me. I would never lie to you."

"I didn't know you were originally from Nottingham," Amy said, trying to temporarily push away this feeling of complete insanity that seemed to be crushing down on her.

"Yeah, lived there until I was about eight, and then moved to just outside London. My parents had split, and my mum wanted to be closer to her sister and that was how John and I became close."

"What do we do now?" Amy asked, the reality bearing down on her. "This man who is involved with Lucas has my phone number and surely he knows more."

"Stay with me, Aim. I'll keep you safe."

***

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[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities. 

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 Their best sexual characteristic | Haikyuu!! Headcanons 』

Part 3/?

Characters: female!reader, Iwaizumi Hajime, Akaashi Keiji, Azumane Asahi

Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), 18+, explicit descriptions of sex, headcanons, imagines

Attention: All characters in this series are aged up to be at least 18+

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: The round of the soft bois™ is upon us!! I took an unpopular approach and made Iwa-chan soft and sensual because I thought it would be fun to write. Hope that's okay!

This is for @bellbarreiros for blowing up my notifications last week! Thank you, hon! 🙈❤️

Links to the previous parts at the bottom of the post. Please check them out! (They're a lot steamier 😏) Thanks for reading! Imo~

Iwaizumi Hajime

» His sensual tenderness

He's tough on the outside – like really tough

So tough, you just want to collapse into those strong, muscular biceps of his and never get up

But when it comes to sex, he's ridiculously tender

He can't be anything else when his ears, his neck, his nipples, his balls, his cock - are all so sensitive

He holds you close, your fingers intertwined on the sheets as he slowly thrusts back and forth, his member relishing every inch of your quivering walls

You feel so wanted, so needed, so loved

His blushing face is contorted into a grimace as he fights the sensual overload he's experiencing, soft grunts and moans falling from his lips as you lock your legs around his waist, tilting your hips and allowing him to reach even deeper inside you

"Fuck," he whispers in your ear ayeee

The sensation of his breath and the vibrations of his voice send a shiver down to you core

He was close – God, he was so close

His thrusts would get faster as his breath hitched in his throat, completely unable to silence the coming moans from his mouth

Skin on skin, lips on lips, heartbeat on heartbeat

As he cums, the softest, most sensual moan you'll ever hear tumbles from his trembling lips

He takes a while to recover, panting over you, his chest heaving, still buried inside you as he slowly softens, before collapses beside you

Hrests his head on your neck, pulling you in to his chest

He's always been so sensitive and unable to stop the 'unmanly' moans that came with it, as others had felt the need to call them, cumming easily whenever stimulated

Bitch, I think you mean sexy

But with you, he doesn't feel the pressure to be anyone but himself

So soft!! Please give this man love and support 😩

Akaashi Keiji

» His consideration & attentiveness

Akaashi is nothing but attentive when he's with you

He always asks before he does, and makes sure you're comfortable and enjoying yourself

Condoms are always a must for both your health's sakes, unless you ever came to the agreement that you wanted a kid in which case, goodbye Mr Rubber, hellooo Raw Town

He constantly peppers you with kisses as he rhythmically slides in and out of you

There isn't a part of your body he hasn't kissed at least twice mwah

He's very mature about any embarrassing sounds or awkward mistakes that might happen, making you feel safe and secure with him much mature, very sexy

He tries his best to cater to your needs, your kinks, your requests – but he always says if he doesn't want to, the same way he'd expect you to best boy

Akaashi takes good care of you on your period, even setting down towels in order to make love to you because he heard it might help alleviate your cramps

He always tries to get you both to finish at the same time…even if it doesn't quite go to plan

The intimacy and connection is important to him hnng

When he's close, he gently holds your face as he's thrusting into you, his fingers around your jaw

"You're so beautiful," he whispers as he stares into your eyes, refusing to let go of your gaze as he continues to shower you with compliments

He loves it when your suck on his fingers. It drives him crazy not the only thing you sucking on that drives him crazy, haha

I'm sorry, I'll see myself out

Whenever you both manage to cum at the same time, it's like a thousand fireworks exploding at once, your hearts swelling in your chests as you spasm around him, whimpering each other's names

He likes to clean up quickly afterwards so he can get around to spooning with you that much faster, bringing you whatever drinks or snacks you might want

Get you a man like Akaashi

Azumane Asahi

» He's romantic

Asahi is an old-fashioned romantic and a big softie at heart

We're talking long walks in the park, homemade dinners by candlelight, rose petals on the bed, sweeping you off your feet like a princess and carefully placing you down to make love to you

He's gentle and loving, and yet there's something very firm about him his DICK

I'm sorry. I'll shut up now

He's exclusively vanilla when it comes down to it, unable to understand the appeal of spanking, or bondage, etc.

It just looks like it hurts which is part of the point of it, but whatever. You do you, boo~

He just really wants to make you feel good, and hearing your moans as he watches you come undone beneath him feels incredible

You love how he makes you feel small when he's on top of you, with his length buried inside you

When he lets you ride him, he's very protective and sweet, his large hands holding your soft skin and helping guide you through it it's a lot of inches to handle, let me tell you

He blushes very easily, making it painfully obvious whenever he's turned on, and he gets flustered and embarrassed about it and it's really cute

When you're a panting, sweaty mess between the sheets, having cum together, he kisses your forehead and tells you he loves you

It doesn't matter if it's the first or the fiftieth time – it still warms your heart, making you smile like an idiot

And here you thought romance was dead

♡°☆°♡°☆°♡

Part 1: Oikawa, Daichi, Kuroo

Part 2: Ushijima, Suga, Bokuto

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[trashquisitor-shirozora]

I always tell myself to wait until I'm not on mobile to respond and do I ever listen? No. So I end up butchering my thoughts and not getting my point across the way I want to. Well, I'm no longer on mobile.

Re that tag: Actually it has something to do with the show's design choices but I would just be derailing my own post about how the show is presenting Hera v. Xiono so I'll retract that tag and any confusion that comes with it.

I think it's telling that you think I'm "hyper focusing on race and sex and gender". Sorry for being a visible person of color who lives in this body in this world I guess??? I just can't help hyperfocusing on any Asian character who appears in a Star Wars, which famously takes Asian cultures and aesthetics, and scrambles them up before dressing predominantly white characters in them. Maybe I'm just fucking tired of seeing characters that look like me being written as side characters or poorly with all the subtlety of a thrown brick.

Ahsoka (and Sabine, and I guess Ezra???) being the main character of the show doesn't fucking negate how other characters are being written, designed, and directed. Counting heads doesn't fucking negate how heavyhandedly this scene is being written, how Xiono is characterized as belligerent and standoffish and dismissive of Hera, and how the viewer should be swayed by the memberberries of using Threepio and accompanying "emotional music"

to represent Leia who steamrolls what are, in my opinion, legitimate concerns about what Hera is doing by declaring that Xiono overstepped his own boundaries by voting against Hera's mission without her present. Hera even tries to hide her smirk while Threepio presents that data chip as evidence.

Xiono is also the only one speaking in opposition to Hera's actions and is made to look like a fool for daring to question her when she is the one who isn't bringing evidence and Teva's evidence - "What about Mandalore?" - only looks like Gideon is acting alone (which obviously works in proto-FO's favor if we're all aboard this train to the ST and the failures of our OT heroes). That's not a good look. That makes me actively crabby and frustrated. Gideon in the first 2 seasons of The Mandalorian was fucking enjoyable. I enjoyed Morgan for the first 2-3 episodes of Ahsoka. But TBOBF really soured me to this "Mandoverse" Jon and Dave are cooking up, Season 3 did nothing to rectify the situation, and Ahsoka is more of the same. If you're enjoying it and getting something out of it, I'm glad! I'm glad people are enjoying the show! I haven't enjoyed it, couldn't take it seriously, and ended up wishing I was watching Andor for the first time again. I don't like being bricked with these reactionary attitudes towards governments and bureaucracy. If Xiono is going to be proven wrong, maybe don't have Hera be saved at the last minute by Leia making him look like a fucking fool for not following the rules he so touts.

so we are hardcore characterizing an asian senator as a mean antagonistic bureaucrat trying to put down our roguish rebellion-era heroes who are played by white people okay okay okay okay cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

[swanimagines]

Hi.. could u write more gn readers ? everybody else doesnt write gendered readers at all but i cant read ur work bc suddenly its said that reader is girl when request doesnt imply it..

Hey, sorry to hear that you can't enjoy my content 🙁 I always write readers as gn if female reader isn't specified, but I know that it can be frustrating if the request is a gif imagine and I haven't specifically stated reader's gender right there, but I always tag it as "female reader" if I've written it with female reader in mind and you can blacklist that tag if you don't want to see them.

In case you're browsing my blog on desktop, here's my gn reader tag if you're interested. It brings you to a page with all my work with gn reader. That link is also found from my masterlists page. If it's tagged as gn reader and there's feminine pronouns or something referring to a female reader, then I've either made a mistake with pronouns or tagged it wrong on accident and I'd appreciate it if you told me if that's the case so I can fix it. But most of my work is with gn reader.

A little explanation below why I don't write only gender neutral readers because I know people are frustrated about it:

My language doesn't have gendered pronouns, and it isn't a problem with just female readers, a few times I've accidentally written something like "Y/N is really pretty, his hair is nice" and it's supposed to be a female reader with she/her. Same with characters, I once referred to JATP Alex as "she" (and got hate where someone claimed I'm being homophobic because using she/her about a homosexual person who identifies as he/him implies that I find it funny and think they're stereotypical and girly and I should be ashamed of myself), I swear I don't do it on purpose.

Sometimes I haven't used pronouns at all during the fic but I've still tagged it as female reader as female reader was requested and I automatically write it with female reader in mind, even if I'm trying to tell myself that this is gn gn gn reader. It's likely I'd still accidentally use something which implies the reader being a female which would lead to misunderstandings and hate (it happened really often when I wrote gn reader in any case unless the reader was a princess or something and that's why I decided to do it this way, less hate, less misunderstandings and at least I don't offend anyone by claiming it's gender neutral and accidentally saying that reader is having a girls night with Inej and Nina or something).

Also I proofread my pieces a few times before queuing it but as my head translates it into Finnish as I read, I read all pronouns as "hän" and necessarily don't see the mistake until months later (just found such mistake from a year old fic of mine, and it literally had "they" and "her" in the same sentence, both referring to Y/N 🤦🏻‍♀️ And I've read it again multiple times during this year and only now saw it).

I'm sorry if this explanation doesn't satisfy you but as I said, you can block "female reader" tag if you don't want to see fics where the reader is female.

[pixie88]

Photogenic

A/N: Another talented writer asked me to do a Dominic Wright FF so here it is. I’m matched with his counterpart so I based him on Adam I just hope it have done it well. This might be a one shot piece or I might continue I’m not sure yet. Let me know if you would like to be tagged or untagged!

Find my other Lovelink FF HERE on my masterlist under Lovelink - One shots. Along with my Rory Bear & Shopping Trip (Rory O’Brien), My Science Buff & The Naughty Teacher (Marco Bottazzi) & Tattoo Artist to Businessman (Blake Bailey) FF.

Comments always welcome!

Word count: 2542

WARNINGS: ⚠️ NSFW & Fluffy fluff

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Lovelink.

Pairings: Dominic x MC - Leona

Enjoy!

It's been 3 weeks since Dominic left for Paris. We have been texting every day, but it just not the same I miss him, he sends me pictures of places he's shooting which makes it hurt more. He's in the most romantic city in the world and I'm stuck here in the states!

"Leona, what do you think?" Kelly snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, what?" I ask.

"I said do you think Carter will like this bracelet for his birthday? I had it engraved it cost the earth, but he's worth it!" (I zoned put after bracelet)

"Leona!!! You aren't still pining over that boy are you?" She asks again snapping me back to reality.

"You mean Dominic!" I tell her. 

"Yes, him! I don't know why you didn't dump him as soon as he told you he was leaving the country! No way would I let Carter travel to a different country without telling me how long he's going to be. Especially to Paris! Are you sure he's not been with his ex and taken her there?!" Kelly chimes.

Kelly is one of my oldest friends, but she's also the vainest and most materialistic person I know. She never thinks before opening her mouth, which has got me in trouble over the years.

"No, Kelly he hasn't run off to Paris with his crazy ex! You might not let your boyfriend off his leash, but some of us have more trusting relationships!" I snap back at her.

Nikki tries to hide her smile and Kelly gives her an un-approving look. I get up from the table gather my stuff and leave the coffee shop.

When I walk out into the cold air I pull my phone out and text Dominic but just as I'm typing my text as a notification pops up on my screen.

*1 New Message from Dominic*

I smile as I open the text.

[Hey gorgeous girl, I don't know why, but I just had a feeling I needed to text you! So here it is I miss you, baby girl! How's your day going with the girls? I hope Kelly isn't getting on your nerves too much? I got some great shots today. ILY XX]

[We are too in sync it's scary! I literally pulled out my phone to text you when your text popped up! I miss you too! I could do with a Dom hug right now...! Argh I just walked out on Kelly and Nikki. Kelly droning on as usual. It got to me so I'll probably have to leave it a few days before I speak to her again. Have you got any shots from the Eiffel Tower yet? Glad your day is going better than mine. ILY2 xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Leona, I don't get why your friends with someone that makes you so miserable!? See we might be in different countries, but I still know when my girl needs me. What has she said this time? I told you I wasn't going up the Eiffel Tower unless it's with you! ILYM XX]

[I know, but she used to be fun then her grandparents died and left her all that money it changed her now she's just a snob! Your girl needs you stateside! Have they told you when you're coming home? She said the same old rubbish how I should've dumped you when you told me that you were going to Paris. She also thinks you've taken Holly to Paris with you haha. I know neither of us have been up it, but you could go up and take pictures, so I can experience it through your photos! ILYSMM xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Money does bring out the worse in people. You have no idea how much I want to be back home with you. There is a meeting later, so hopefully, I get an idea then. I'm glad you haven't listened to her. Definitely haven't brought Holly with me, she's in court next month. No! I will only go up there with you so we can experience our first trip up the tower together ;) I have to go now. What's ILYSMM? ILY xx]

[Oh, I do! I have everything crossed for some kinda date! I stopped listening to her in the 5th grade! Haha. Wow, that's quick do you need to be back here for that? Secretly hoping you do! OK, we'll have to go one day to do it together! I love you so much more duh! :P ILY xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[I text you as soon as I find out. I'm not sure yet. I might need to be stateside. We will soon I promise. Speak soon. Haha OK ILYSMM xx]

I grab a taxi and make my way home.

~*~*~*~

Later I'm watching The Notebook when I hear my phone.

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Hey hot stuff, I have news you are really going to love. You know I did that small art show and that if it all went well, I would be offered to take part in the huge exhibition? Well, I got a place at the exhibition they loved my work! That's not the best bit they want me to enter a piece that includes the local sights! But I may have told them a little white lie...I told them I need my "assistant" and they are willing to pay for my assistant to fly to Paris, but they will have to share my hotel suite with me. But that's not all we also get to take a plus one to the exhibition ;) ILY XX]

[Dominic, that's great! Congratulations I'm so proud of you! Your assistant? I didn't know you had one? Lucky assistant :( Looks like you and your assistant will have fun. ILY x]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Leona!!! You don't get it, I told them you are my assistant they are booking you a flight as we speak! LEONA YOU ARE COMING TO PARIS! I WANT YOU TO BE MY PLUS ONE!!!! ILY XXX]

[WHAT?! No! I don't believe you! Why would they do that? DOMINIC YOU BETTER NOT BE MESSING WITH ME!!!! ILY XX]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[I swear on my life they are booking you a flight I will get all the details in a bit. I'm not messing with you! I'm serious. I guess it's a way to keep me sweet? Either way, I don't care I'm just so happy you're going to be here. ILY xx]

[But I have work I'm not sure I can just drop it like that! When will you know? ILY xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Crap, I didn't think about that I just got excited when they said they would fly you over. Please say you'll come? Please? I should know in 5 Minutes. ILY xx]

[I'll see what I can do once you've found out when the flight is. ILY x]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Thank you, thank you, thank you! So, they have sent the ticket to your email apparently. ILY xx]

[I'll have a look now. ILY xx]

I quickly check through my emails there it is at the top my ticket to Paris. It leaves tomorrow morning at 8amand I return in 7 days. (How am I going to sort work out with just over 12 hours before my flight leaves?!)

I text my dad.

[Hey Dad, short notice, but I only got the invite about 20 minutes ago. So Dominic invited me to Paris to see him. I'd be gone for 7 days from tomorrow, but if you can't get cover don't worry I'll tell him I can come.]

*1 New Message from Dad*

[Leona, that sounds like too much of an opportunity to miss out on. Plus, I know how much you've missed that boy. Go! Leave it to me, I'll get cover. You go have fun, but I want to see loads of photos when you come back.]

[Dad, you are one in a million you know that right? Thank you! I will take loads or get Dominic to take some! Thanks again!]

*1 New Message from Dad*

[I do as you always remind me. Have fun, I'll see you when you get back.]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Did you get the email? ILY xx]

I decide to play a prank on him.

[I did, but I've spoken to my dad, and he said it's just not possible to get cover at this short notice. It was a nice thought while it lasted. ILY x]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Oh, what? That's a shame, but like you said it was a nice idea. I'm bummed now I was so excited about being able to see you. ILY xx]

[Lucky for you, I fly out tomorrow! I was joking my dad was fine with it haha. I love you xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Leona, that was mean! But I'm too excited to be mad. What time do you fly out? I love you more xx]

[I'm sorry, but I'll make it up to you! 8 am so I should be with you about 5 pm US time. ILY xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[How exactly? So, about 11 am here. I will be working so I can't meet you until after I'm done. There will be a driver waiting at the airport for you. ILY xx]

[I'm thinking it's been a long time, so with fewer clothes between us. Oh ok, I guess I'll just go back to your suite and wait on the bed naked for you ;) ]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[God, now all I can think about is you naked on my sheets and finally being able to hold you. I need to sit down or have a cold shower! ILY XX]

[You better hurry back or I'll entertain myself. I better start packing. See you tomorrow. I love you xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[I will be as quick as I can. I can't wait to see you. I love you xx]

~*~*~*~

After a long 9 hour flight, I'm here! I'm in Paris!! I walk through looking for a driver with my name but I'm greeted with his gorgeous smile, his eyes light up when he spots me. I drop my bags I don't want to not be in his arms a moment longer I run over to him. Dominic picks me up and spins me around "Leona, you're here! You're really here!" he puts me down.

His lips crash to mine, I don't want to stop kissing him, but I pull away. "Dominic, what are you doing here? I thought you had work?"

"I managed to move it all so I could be here to meet you," he smiles.

"I'm so happy you're here to meet me! So are you free for the whole day?" I wink.

"A matter of fact I am! Why don't we get your bags and head back to the hotel so I can show you how much I've missed you"

I blush.

We walk over to get my abandoned bags and there is a car waiting for us out front. We pull up to the hotel it's beautiful.

We make our way up to Dominic's room as soon as he opens the door the view is stunning! I hear the door click shut, his arms come around my waist, his lips brush my pulse line before they reach my ear "God I've missed you!" he nips my ear which sends my body into overdrive.

I turn to claim his lips with mine. His tongue invades my mouth we're in a rush our clothes fall to the floor as he backs me against the wall. His lips move from mine to my neck kissing my sensitive spot just above my collarbone, he continues to move south, his tongue lightly sweeps over my nipple leaving my body tingling and anticipating his next move.

He nips my belly before he throws one of my legs over his shoulder, his mouth finds my centre, he parts my folds and works on my clit, making me arch off the wall.

"Dom....inic crap that feels..." 

He pulls away "Like I need to try harder to make you speechless" He doubles his efforts.

"Oooohhhh!"

I look down, he's set himself free working his hand up and down his hard member. I pull him up to me "I need you! All of you!"

He doesn't waste another second he wraps my legs around his waist. He thrust hard into me, filling me. He slowly draws out each thrust before forcefully thrusting back in. This pushes me so close to the edge I'm looking over it.

I drag my nails down his back, he hisses at the sensation. His lips claim mine again with the taste of me still on them. He groans against them, he's close. I can't hold back anymore, it's been 3 long weeks "Yes! Dominic!" I fall over the edge.

Dominic hits his own climax "Fuck! God! Leona!" We are barely catching our breath, he's still inside me "Let's take this to the bedroom" He pulls us away from the wall and carries me to bed.

We don't leave his hotel room until the next day.

~*~*~*~*~

A few days later we are in the car all dressed up for this exhibition. Dominic is nervous I can see it all over his face.

I take his hand and he looks at me and smiles. "It's going to be fine! Stop looking so nervous!"

"It's not the exhibition I'm worried about" He points out the window.

I turn we're have pulled up to the Eiffel Tower.

"Dominic, what are we doing here?"

He smiles "I thought we could go up it together as we planned," he says.

"Now? What about the exhibition?"

"We can be five minutes late," he takes my hand and leads me out of the car.

"So, this is what you're so nervous about? I thought you didn't mind heights?"

"It's not the heights. Come one, let's go" we get to the 3rd floor as we step out of the lift there is a guy holding a bouquet of roses.

He hands them to me "I hope you like them" Dominic says.

"They're beautiful. Did you plan this?" I ask.

He blushes "I did. The day you told me you were coming to Paris" He takes my hand and leads me to the railing.

The view is beautiful Paris is lit up! "Wow, it's beautiful! I'm glad we have done this together!"

"Me too! Leona, there was another reason why I brought you here. I've wanted to ask you for a while, but face to face"

He takes a breath, "I love you with all my heart, I can't imagine my life without you. I'm done looking for the one as I have found it in you. So, will you be my girlfriend?"

I feel like I'm going to burst "Dominic, I would love to be your girlfriend!"

His lips crash to mine and I wrap my arms around him.

I am his girlfriend and he is my boyfriend!

Here it is lovely especially for you @khoicesbyk​

[foxstride]

hi, anon, one of the gang here <3 so happy for you, and so proud of you too

Mallow has, as always, imparted the best wisdom, but I said I'd reblog this too and just give a bit of an addition, but also I want you to know that you're not alone and the gang is also not isolated in this support too

as someone who has previously semi-engaged in real person fiction spaces, I understand why that could especially be an unhealthy place - I'm absolutely terrible at disengaging from things, which used to range anywhere between "must google to check up on the latest news about Current Role Model/Celebrity Crush" to my present day "doomscrolling until I remember what doomscrolling is and then continue doomscrolling" habits. I'm... not able to engage in any celebrity fandoms anymore and RPF leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I can only imagine some of what that might have looked like for you, but I do think there's probably an element of RPF affecting not only engagement in celebrity culture but also in parasocial relationships which on its own is pretty unhealthy, let alone combined with more of an anti issue (I do not know how antis and fanpol behave in RPF circles and I personally don't want to know, but I hope you don't feel alone, you know?).

so actual advice?

curating your own space is the best advice anyone can ever give, and I urge you to block liberally and filter out tags or even words that are squicks for you. Filtering tags doesn't mean you can't ever see that content, it just means you get a warning ahead of time before clicking on it! I have the tag "warrior cats oc" filtered not because I'm uncomfortable or unsupportive of it but because I just don't generally engage and reblog this unless it's reblogged by someone in particular.

one of the best things I ever did for curating my own space was setting up a wc sideblog - which sucks for actually engaging with replies and asks with others but... but. Ok so the big but is that I literally wouldn't have met Mallow or become part of the gang without this sideblog. yeah sure I was following before but would I have reached out? nope. would I appreciate anywhere near as many content creators? nope. would I have my own personal tagging system so I can continue to support content creators AND engage with them and feel comfortable engaging with them? weirdly... nope.

sideblogs are amazing for many, many reasons, but i have to say the best thing they've ever done for me isn't organisation (which i am, apparently, obsessive about in comparison to the rest of the gang. like the whole gang. i'm. i'm still getting over this realisation lmao) but actually reaching out and finding people who not only share my values but also support me as much as i support them??

anyway engaging with people has also allowed me to be more open to things. i'm from England. (this is relevant). having a sideblog has not only encouraged me to engage with the fandom more, it's also helped me to educate myself on issues like the rampant colonialism and racism in the book, it's introduced me to new ships (Mallow is the reason I'm into firetiger now) that I never thought I'd ship before, it's taught me more about cats and genetics than I ever thought I'd want to know.

but i cannot impress upon you enough how good it is to actually interact with people and see things from their view and go "okay I am not interested/comfortable with seeing this, so I'm going to filter it out, I am going to block this person because this (1) take they made has made me uncomfortable seeing their posts". it's almost like an affirmation to myself.

also, sorry i always bring this up but like. if you feel your mental health is suffering from being online? check in with your therapist about it, pursue therapy or counselling if you can, create a positivity tag, write down affirmations for yourself, write down things you're grateful for even if it's "I'm grateful for filtering the [Character] tag because a popular post that makes me uncomfortable is being reblogged by everyone", look at self-care techniques and create your own self-care list, look after yourself

ALSO AS SOMEONE SHAMED BY FAMILY FOR ENGAGING IN FANDOM - friends are better support systems for fandom but remember that you always have a voice and you don't have to agree with them on everything. Mallow and I don't agree on everything. we don't share every ship. we don't interpret characters the same way. but he shares good fandom takes and content with me and i appreciate it so damn much

anyway yeah. that's all i can think of rn. tl;dr is block liberally, filter what you don't like/aren't comfortable with, make a fandom space for yourself even if nobody follows you just to share what you want, engage with people you like and find people who you can be Internet Pals with

look after yourself, anon!

Hello, I’m the former anti anon. I really appreciate the support from you and the gang, that’s really sweet <3 I actually am not an anti anymore (that’s what happens when you scroll through mallowstep’s blog every time you get a little bored), but I was for a Long Time. I guess I only really became one because I was shamed for so long by my family and friends for being emotionally invested in fandom and I wanted other people to feel bad about their interests the way I did. And I also used to 1/2

2/2 engage in rpf that was generally very unhealthy for me and left me in a not super great place in my life. I’ve been trying for a while to become more open to not judging other people’s interests, but sometimes it just gets hard and I’m not sure how to go about it. Thank you so much for leaving anon open for me, by the way ❤️❤️

hello!

yes, absolutely. we're all pretty stoked about this, nonny.

and yeah, that's an understandable response to trauma. i'm happy you're breaking that cycle! it's hard to unlearn that sort of thing, but i'm proud you're trying.

i can't really comment on rpf, so i'll just say that i've been in unhealthy fandom circles, and, like, yeah. it's a lot.

but --- you've got my support, and you've got the support of lots of people around me. maybe even around you, depending on who you follow.

[transcript: "(popping in to say that i love anon and want to give them Hug)"]

on to advice:

unpacking this sort of thing is...hard work. it's really hard work. i said somewhere that i think one important step is to just make sure you're stepping away from triggers and squicks, because seeing something that irks you repeatedly is not going to help you learn not to judge.

like, personally, i don't block most of my squicks, but if i was unlearning ideas about media, i'd want to block them, because i think it's just...not helpful to have to struggle with also seeing stuff you dislike, if that makes sense?

for an analogy, when i first started treatment for anxiety, it didn't make sense to do things that made me anxious, because i wasn't prepared to cope with them. this doesn't hold up perfectly, because you never have to unblock your squicks, but i think it's a similar enough idea to make my point.

hnng i've rewritten this a few times bc i feel like i'm struggling to balance two things.

ig the thing i want to say is that you don't need to ever be okay with something, if that makes sense? if incest is a squick, you at no point need to be okay with seeing incest. you don't even need to engage with discussions of why incest is a super old trope in media and it's not normalizing and so on, you're allowed to just. never want to see or discuss it.

and then also, there's no such thing as a thoughtcrime. if you think people who ship incest are gross, there's nothing wrong with that. obviously, harassing them is wrong, but if you don't want to talk to them? that's allowed and fine and cool!

i think...it sounds, to me, like you've had a lot of intense scrutiny put on your interests, and i think making sure you're not turning that same pressure inward (i.e., judging yourself for still judging people) is a good first step.

anon will stay on Permanently, i think, but especially for you.

<3

[pixie88]

The Gala

Chapter 2 - Our Little Secret.

A/N: Queen B fanfiction. Let me know if you would like to be tagged!

Find previous chapters HERE under Queen B - Our Little Secret.

Word count: 2165

WARNINGS:  ⚠️ Some adult language and NSFW

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Pixelberry.

Pairings: Ian x MC - Lyla.

Enjoy!

I can feel my face getting hot with anger. "Lyla, don't worry I have the perfect outfit! I brought it for myself, but it didn't suit me" She pulls out a red dress with a plunging neckline. "Zo, this is gorgeous are you sure?" she smiles "Of course, Lyla" "Thank you, Zoey! What would I do without you?" "Not dress half as well as you do?" she laughs.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I roll over reaching for my phone to turn off my alarm and I realize it's the day of the Gala.  I jump out of bed and into the shower.

Later me and Zoey are getting ready for the Gala, I decide on an updo, I'm just finishing up my make up when Gizmo jumps on /my lap. "Hey buddy, I wish I could take you tonight but I don't think dogs are allowed sorry" Zoey walks into my room.

"Ready?" "Yes!" I put Gizmo on the floor. "See you later boy!" I follow Zoey out to the limo as soon as we get in she opens the champagne and pours us both a glass. "To my girl winning the person to watch award!" we clink glasses.

We pull up outside the Gala to flashing cameras, we step out blinded "Come on, Lyla strike a pose!" I let them take a few photos before heading inside.

I spot Penelope and Taylor talking "Hey Lyla, Are you ready to dethrone Poppy?" Taylor asks I smile at her "Born ready!" "I can't wait to see the look on her face!" Penelope says.

I laugh the music starts Taylor wonders over to Benedict, they make their way to the dance floor "Aren't they cute" Penelope says "Yeah adorable!" "Penelope, would you like to dance?" Michael asks as he appears in front of us. She drags him to the dance floor, then I feel a presence behind me and I turn to find Ian inches away from me.

He smiles "Lyla, may I have this dance?" "Professor, I would love to but what would people say?" "To be honest, I don't care!" Wow, he's truly broken the barrier he put up between us. "Well in that case, I would love to" He takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor.

I can see Poppy eyeing us up, but I don't care she has no proof. He places a hand on my lower back and his other hand takes mine, and we start to sway. He smiles at me "Lyla, you look stunning tonight!" I smile "Thank you, Ian. Well, we are paying compliments to each other I guess now is the perfect time to tell you that you look hot in that suit! It makes me want to rip off your clothes right here." His eyes darken.

"Lyla, you shouldn't say stuff like that!" I laugh, "Why? It's so much fun!" his lips brush my ear "As fun as me telling you that I want to take you back to my office and have a replay of yesterday?" I swallow hard (Ok, it's definitely not fun to tease!) "Well, I'd like nothing more Professor!" I wink.

The music changes to something more upbeat. Ian spins me, takes both my hands and moves us to the beat. "Wow, I didn't know you had moves like this, Ian!" he laughs a laugh, I've never heard before, "Neither did I," He spins me again but back into him, he holds me tightly against him and I feel his chest on my back.

I feel his breath on my neck close to my ear "Lyla, I know your going to win tonight and there is something I need to tell you" "What is it?" "Lyla, I....." the music stops and Dean Steinhelm comes over the speaker. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you can please take your seats we will announce the  winner of the Person to watch award!" I turn in his arms.

"Ian, what were you going to say?" he gives me a weak smile "Another time, Lyla. We better go back to our seats" "Ok, thanks for the dance Ian" he nods.

We make our way back to our seat before the dean speaks again. "There are so many talented young people here tonight. Each shine in their own light! It gives me great pleasure to announce the person to watch award goes to...............Ms. Lyla Hughes!" "Oh my god, Lyla Well done!" Zoey tells me.

I stand and make my way to the front while everyone is clapping. Dean Steinhelm welcomes me onto the stage, once I get to her, she smiles and congratulates me before handing the award and gestures me to make a speech.

I'm so nervous I kinda fumble my speech, but I thank who I need to. I make my way off the stage when I catch his eyes from across the room, he smiles and winks then makes his way towards the exit. The music starts up again everyone makes their way back onto the dance floor.

I look around the room no one is looking in my direction, I head for the door I saw Ian leave through. I walk through and see Ian waiting for me, he smiles "Congratulations, Lyla!" "Thanks, Ian!" I walk towards him and he cups my face.

"Are you going to congratulate me in another way?" His eyes widen and he swallows hard. "Yes, but not here," he takes my hand, and we make our way to the car park where Ian's car is parked.

20 Minutes later we pull up outside an apartment building, we get out, "Ian, where are we?" He smiles "My place" "Oh, you've never brought me here before," he takes my hand again. "I know, but I wanted to take you somewhere we wouldn't be interrupted" he leads me into the building, and we take the elevator.

It opens on the 3rd floor, we walk down the hall and get to a door when he pulls out his keys and unlocks the door. We step inside the apartment it is very Ian! I follow him into the living room, he grabs a bottle and 2 glasses from his mini bar in the corner, and we both take a seat on the couch.

He opens the bottle, pours us both a glass and hands me one. "Cheers, to you Lyla. The person to watch!" I smile at him and his eyes sparkle in the light. "Thank you again, Ian. Also, what was it you were going to tell me another time earlier?" he's gone shy.

His tongue parts my lips and swirls with mine "Hmmm Ian!" his hand cups my breast he squeezes lightly. Mine reach for the buttons on his suit jacket and begin to undo them. His hand move towards my back, I can feel him searching then he finds his goal and pulls down the zipper on my dress.

"Ian, what's wrong?" he smiles "Nothing, quite the opposite" he takes a sip of his wine before turning back to me, he takes a deep breath "Lyla, I love you" (OH MY GOD! Did he just...wow) "Ian, I....I love you too!" his face lights up before I know it his hand is tangled in my hair and his lips are on mine.

His lips never leave mine as I feel him pull the straps down off my shoulder. "Lyla, I've wanted to get you by yourself all evening!" he whispers against my lips. I smile "Why is that, Ian?" in one swift movement he picks me up into a bridal carry and starts walking towards what I guess is the bedroom.

He kicks open the door, I can't help giggle "Ian!!" he puts me down, and we stand next to the bed. He pulls down the rest of my dress, it falls to the floor I'm standing there in just my underwear he pulls me to him and I unbutton his shirt as his lips begin to caress my neck and I let my head fall back giving him more access.

His hands begin to explore my body starting with my breast, he pinches my hardened nipple I moan. I finally pull off his shirt, I run my hands over arms, his chest and down to his abs, my hand brushes against his hard member in his trousers.

I feel him nip my ear"Lyla, get on the bed"  I do as I'm told, he takes off my killer heels then walks over to a draw opens it and pulls out a tie. "What are you planning on doing with that, Professor?" he walks over to the bed with a mischievous grin he climbs on to it, he hovers over me and his hand wraps around me helping me further up the bed.

He takes both my wrists and places the above my head, then begins to restrain me with his tie and ties me to the bed frame. "Is this how you want me? At your mercy?" his eyes light up and his lips met mine, he pulls away a little trapping my lip between his teeth before letting go. He whispers against my ear "Yes, I want to tease you until you can't take anymore. Just like you have been doing to me since we met!" his words give me flutters.

He kisses my neck again trailing down to my breast, he takes my nipple into his mouth and flicks his tongue over it"Ohhh...wow!" he moves again nipping my tummy as he heads south, he trails kisses to the inside of my thigh.

He pulls my underwear aside, I'm anticipating his next move, but he lets go and continues kissing down my leg "Argh! Ian that is teasing!" I hear a small laugh,"I know, Lyla!" he moves back up my leg I expect him to move pass my centre to meet my lips, but suddenly I feel him moving my underwear again and I feel his tongue laps my centre "God, yes just like that! Fuck Ian!"  his tongue slips inside me.

He stops "What? No, don't stop!"  I look down, he grins at me then his hands pull down my underwear, and he tosses them to the side. He brings my legs up and his head dives between them again, this time he's more urgent which makes me arch off the bed. He hits the right spot I don't think I can hold on any longer.

"Ian...YES!" I fall over the edge he comes up and places himself between my legs. I try to touch him, but I'm still tied up, he looks down at me with a smirk "Sorry, that isn't coming off just yet!"  I huff when he starts to grind against me (I need friction, I need him inside me) "Ian..I need you" he's still smirking.

His lips meet mine, he kisses me passionately as he grinds against me harder. I can feel him through his trouser, I want him now and I know he wants me to. It isn't long before he pulls off his trousers and boxers.

He brushes against my centre then his length enters me slowly to start with then his pace becomes urgent "God, Lyla!" "Ohhh harder, Ian!" his thrusts speed up, he grabs the headboard which makes him go deeper and I wrap my legs round him. I buck my hips up to match his rhythm, but our moans are muffled by our kiss.

His thrust becomes so rough the bed moves and hits the wall, Ian pulls away and smirks "Good job my neighbors are away!" "So, we can be as loud as we like huh?"  he smiles then while he's still thrusting into me, he unties me and flips me.

He pulls me onto my knees, spreads my legs a little, then enters me from behind as his hand makes it's way to the front of me, and he circles my button. With each thrust he goes deeper "Ian, I'm goi.....Ohhhh YES!!" I'm spent and Ian isn't far behind "Fuck...LYLA!" we collapse onto the bed next to each other.

He rolls onto his side and strokes my face "I love you, Lyla" I smile, "I love you too, Ian Kingsley!" he pulls me on top of him and kisses me. I can feel him stiffen against me, I start to grind against it, he pulls away "Round 2?" I smile before leaning in to kiss him again.

Bzzzzzt Bzzzzt Bzzzzzzzzzzt!

The sun beams through the window I feel Ian's arm wrapped around me. Then I hear it again.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

I nudge Ian "Ian, I think someone is at the door," he stirs and looks at the time it 10.06am. He gets off the bed and puts on his boxers. "Lyla, stay here," he leaves the room and I hear the front door open. I know that voice what is she doing here! I hear Ian asking her the same question "Lexi, why are you doing here?"

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 3.