#i can't wait to go to bed already
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teddybeartoji · 2 days ago
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killing my father he's irking me so badly
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dykedvonte · 2 months ago
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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bizarrelittlemew · 10 months ago
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it's 4am and i just woke up for a glass of water and i see the news 😭 tv is dead and the world is shit but i love you all in this space the show has given us and i wouldn't trade it for anything 💗 changed my life in all the best ways and i still have so many stories to tell about these characters 💖
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lavenoon · 2 years ago
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Secrets, Trust, and Distance
Inspired by the dichotomy of these two bits from @naffeclipse's newest chapter:
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daydream-the-demon · 7 months ago
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I'm the [tumblr] person who overuses comments in tags.
[tumblr] autosaved my tags even though I used them once.
Look in the tags and have a laugh.
(Possible tag game?) @author-of-the-year @jenumarts @thonethatflies620 @iamunabletothinkofablogname @ all my mutuals
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dawnthefluffyduck · 5 months ago
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Sunday doodles
#you ever just *puts feet on the wall*#or sit upside down off the side of your bed#i saw a post earlier this week I've been trying to find about fearing god#i read it but didn't have time to share my thoughts and i forgot to save it to my drafts so i lost it#anyway they talked about fearing god in service today#the overlap of related events like this scares me all the time#like... i know this stuff just happens and they had this sermon planned for months and it's coincidental#''but what if god is actually real and this is him trying to talk to me? what if he's trying to move me back on track?''#that's something i can't help but think#i'm starting to think I'll never know what is real and whether there's a god and if i really am setting myself up to burn in hell#i have to make a choice whether to leave my friends and hide who I am and go back to the church#or be myself and enjoy my time alive knowing what could be waiting for me when I go#I know that sounds extremely dramatic but it's something I think about a lot#it's one thing for someone to have never gotten to known God#but some say that the one unforgivable sin - the only thing that can keep you out of heaven forever...#...is knowing god and accepting him in your heart but then turning your back on him#I've done those rituals; been baptized and taken communion and said the famous prayer#if that unforgivable sin is true then I guess i've already made my choice; there really is no going back for me haha#damn right that god is scary lol#not tagging the game because I monolouged too much lmao#doodles#sunday doodles#depressing sunday doodle posts have arrived once again#dw im chilling today just lost in thought#was able to put in pto so i get the day to reflect on the very important things 21 year olds think about#things like ''what could've been'' and ''how do i want to draw my next fluffy boy''
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keeps-ache · 2 days ago
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good morning and merry christmas !! aesthetic photo of my cookies be upon ye
#just me hi#i put them on the plate and then the little devil and my shoulder said Hey what if we spent the next 20+ minutes editing it#and they were right that was fun lmfvshgh#Except for looking for a glitter brush on ibis! why are all the thumbnails so blurry it hurts my eyes Ghfksfjvk#yea the phone is working out good :) i'm gonna be taking pictures of everything now ehehehgh#also forgot to eat these for the 20+ minutes i was playing w/ the pictures#my breakfastttt: (went to go count but i have eaten some now. ouh) ✋10 🤚 christmas cookies :3#they're little ones- oh hey these pretzel one are kinda salty! yaaay#i like the swirly/horseshoe ones the most though. nyum#/we have pozole my mom made last night but i think that has to be warmed up hfhsvh#we got back from christmas midnight mass and everyone- Everyone (crazy) went to bed as soon as we got home lmfhvshg#i don't think that's ever happened. usually a couple are still awake until dawn and Then they go to sleep lol#yea but we didn't even get to try to the pozole last night <//3 helped to strain it last night though :D it smelled kinda sweet+spicy so ou#//we're waiting til i think friday or saturday for presents this year because of the Events so noo wrapping cleaning today 🎉💥 kfsvh#and i've been asked what i wanted. see i don't have that trouble of suddenly not having a want in the world: i just kinda don't have that#already for some reason lmao ?? so yea default state. do you think i'll get socks kfshvfh#//do love having to go back into my tags and add the topic slash bc every topic is related All the time Forever lmfsh#//hey but i DO need socks HEY i'm not joking anymore. don't want any with patterns though they will bother me lol#cuz unless i like the patterns i am not going to wear them :/ that is unless i think they're silly then they pass#are they holiday-themed? i'll prolly still wear them during the fourth of july so we can guarantee 1 whole day of use lhfshvjg#however during the warmer days (anything above 55 degrees) i wear chanclas w/o socks. so maybe not so much guaranteed#and also if i can't find it's match i will just never wear it again. truly tragic#i'm painstakingly matching my plain white socks i can Not handle patterned socks again#/wait was this post about cookies. dude how did we get here Lmfjvskfhvahfhvj#//Okay i'm gonna ummm#Ummmmmmmm#uuuuhm. draw :3 Toodles !! merry christmas !! <3
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running-in-the-dark · 9 months ago
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I've basically been moving non-stop all day for a week (except Monday when I went to the doctor, and then the antibiotics were mean to me), everything hurts, but hey at least my room is somewhat close to being finished!
now there's just everything else left to do....
I've also had to deal with builders and electricians and a painter and I don't remember who else every day this week. I think I did alright. didn't have a panic attack or anything, it didn't even make me very anxious. so that's good! but I want to be left alone for several months now please 🙃
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the-sage-libriomancer · 9 months ago
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And that's a wrap! I figured if I can't reach that sexy 1000, I can at least go out on a high note (*wheezes*)
Thank you all for the carnage, and above all the boops. It's been an honor booping with you all.
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septembersghost · 2 years ago
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me watching any piece of media ever made: how can i make the thesis here about the wondrous, fulfilling, frightening, destroying, restorative, glimmering thrall of, and tragic inevitability of grief within, any and every form of love?
elvis (2022): *very first thing we hear* oh, let our love survive... *later*: love song i've known since childhood used in a dark, ominous way and a desperately tender one: some things are meant to be. take my hand, take my whole life too, for i can't help falling in love... *later still*: it was love. *last*: i need your love...
ah. okay. so you just made my job too easy. i don't even have to search for it. thank you. guess i'll go insane.
#if you need the short explanation#joanna newsom: a little shade of grief comes in when love is its most real version.#then it contains death inside of it and then that death contains love inside of it.#i want to write so much but 99% of you are not here for this and think i have well and truly lost it and that's fair#what's so funny is it's exactly what happened with moulin rouge two decades ago#christian: a story about a time; a story about a place; a story about the people.#but above all things: a story about love. a love that will live forever.#younger me: thank you. guess i'll go insane!#and it predates that considerably. i have countless examples. it's so funny HOW predictable i am and have been since the age of about seven#okay i have to go to bed i'm destroying my body with sleep deprivation 😭 i'll be back for more derangement later#elvis#i was a dreamer#sail on silver girl; sail on by#it starts as OUR love because it's already telling us it's shared. we're a part of this now#and then can't help falling is like: do we find what we love or does it find us? is this fate or could one thing have been different#if one thing had been different would everything be different today#does it matter even though it's already done? (yes) if you reach out your hand to the sense of that love how does it affect your life?#(and on a personal level for me: you heard but you didn't listen carefully enough. the door was always open)#i'll be coming home. *wait* for me.#then the conclusion is it's love it was always love. but from the person who doesn't even understand that#so we have to take it to heart differently. time goes by so slowly and TIME CAN DO SO MUCH. are you still mine?#time transforms and time provides distance but time can also give clarity#and then it's an entreaty and a prayer: i need your *love*. i *need* your love. godspeed your love to me.#it's never not needed and it's never not valuable and it's never not new and it's never not fate and grief and light and spirit.#you can run and run and always land back home. you can hurt and triumph and break and always find your love. even if it's yours alone.#it's yours baby and no one can take it away from you#put me in the heart locket i'm done
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asfdhgsdkjhgb · 4 days ago
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guys i am going to have a breakdown why do i have to be so boring and lame :[ i fucking hate having a job and school and shit
#some of the more Traditionally “Cool” ppl i know wanted to see if i wanted to spontaneously hang out rn. like. yes obviously#however. i am in bed. I've already taken my sleep med. i have to wake up to leave for work at FIVE AM.#so no. i can't be cool and interesting ive actually been regularly going to bed at like 7 fucking o clock which means#that i can't socialize at night like all of the interesting and normal teenagers and i also have no time to do any hobbies#just me rambling again#sorry to be fucked up on main (no im not this blog has been my diary since middle school 😔) but my number one very deep seeded insecurity#genuinely one of my biggest Things I'm Just Fucked Up About is. being “boring” or uninteresting or lame or not fun or .. you get the gist#so the fact that i go to sleep nowadays before 9pm most nights and have zero social life and zero romantic interests and barely even hobbie#doesn't help and sadly my dear friends trying to include me in something Remotely Interesting and my being too fucking boring and lame to#be able to participate in causing me to spiral :(#luckily the sleep med im waiting to kick in is also uncoincidentally a med meant to help me deal with anxiety attacks. so like. ill be fine#just a big insecurity ive found incredibly easy to trigger in the past few weeks unfortunately#i should have been more interesting in high school and snuck out and partied and did all the things#unfortunately i dedicated at least three years of that time dedicating every ounce of my being towards a person other than myself#so now i have to deal with bullshit like 6am shifts and college workloads and the fact that i am increasingly unlikely to#1) be invited to any “parties” and 2) be at a party where there *aren't* people literally doing coke#sigh. anyways
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parakeetpark · 28 days ago
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Man I just broke down crying putting away the cutlery, and it's odd bc I think I've done that before but i don't recall when, and i don't know what thought tipped me over the edge while I was putting away the dishes... the adhd of it all
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bladeofthestars · 6 months ago
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esyra · 1 year ago
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After the hospital bombing, I finally heard back from my grandmother and confirmed that several of my relatives were murdered by Israeli bombing. Seven of them, to be precise. Three are still going, including her. We've been talking constantly ever since.
Asked if it was possible to head south, and was told they did but were also bombed there. So they decided to go back home, in Zeitoun. Their home was bombed and they were pulled out of the rumble, then driven by ambulances to the al-Ahli Arab Hospital. There were people in every corner. Gazans sheltering, sleeping on the floor. Gazans dying on the floor, waiting for beds.
Four were declared dead on arrival, three were in need of surgery and other three were just bandaged. Then, a bomb was dropped in the parking lot that made parts of the ceiling collapse, like Dr. Ghassan Abu Sittah reported in that horrific conference/interview. Those in need of surgery died.
By the way, just in case you didn't know: the Church of Saint Porphyrius, the third oldest in history, bombed by Israel a few days back, was located near the hospital.
When looking for new shelter, they saw schools with signs hanging outside, "We can't take any more families." They met families, sympathetic but already sheltering too many people. They're now staying in an apartment building they found empty. Sleeping in the corner of the living room. If the family comes back, they'll apologize and leave.
Told me she was saving her phone battery for when the bombing stopped, and she had to ask for help to rebuilt the neighborhood. But she doesn't think it's gonna stop anymore. The ones still with her are mute most of the time, like they're saving energy, but she feels lonely and wanted to talk. There's no internet and to connect to WhatsApp, people are buying "a card from the supermarket, there's a password and username." Not sure what she meant. Still, the internet is inconsistent and won't load neither videos or images nor pages, so she doesn't know what's happening on the outside world.
Told her there were a lot of people protesting to stop the genocide, she replied, "The bombings are getting worse by the day." The bombing yesterday was the worst she ever witnessed. The entire neighborhood is infested with the smell of death, of decomposing bodies. Bodies are piling up in the streets and she's not sure if it's because they ran out of places to store them, but most of them are in bags. The smoke of the bombings hide the blue sky—she hasn't seen the clouds for a while.
Asked if I could share their pictures, names and dreams with people and was told, of which I partly agree, "they're not entertainment." If anyone genuinely cared, they would be alive—I'd argue there are people who do care, but I'm not gonna lecture her pain. And they don't deserve to be used to fulfill someone's sick fantasy. Told me to remember what some Israelis do with pictures of dead Palestinians. And I do.
For those of you who are not familiar, many times before settlers got together to celebrate the murder of Palestinians. For one, in 2015, Israeli settlers set a house in Duma, West Bank on fire. An 18-month old baby, Ali Dawbsheh, was burnt alive. Both parents later died of wounds and only a 5-year-old, Ahmad, survived, although severely injured.
Two celebrations of their murder are widely known, one at a wedding and others outside the court in which two were indicted for the terrorist attack. In the wedding, guests stabbed a photo of the toddler, Ali, while others waved guns, knives and Molotov cocktails. Israel's Minister of National Security, Itamar Ben-Gvir, was present.
That's what happens in an apartheid. Palestinians are so abused by authorities that their "innocent civilians" come to accept the brutality as necessary or are desensitized by our suffering. After all, it's been 75 years—get used to it!
So I won't risk the image of my loved ones, in fear they are used in these kinds of depravity. I will say, though, the world lost a young footballer. Lost a female writer and an aspiring ballerina. Lost a kind father, who was also a great cook, and a loving mother that enjoyed sewing and other types of handicraft art. Lost a math teacher and a child that wanted to become one.
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People think Israel is testing new weapons on them. There's civilians arriving at the hospital with severe burns, which they thought was from white phosphorus, but apparently the pattern is different from the one caused by white phosphorus. It's widely believed Israel tests weapons in Palestinians.
Jeff Halper, author of War Against the People, a book on Israel's arms and surveillance technology industries, said: "Israel has kept the occupation because it's a laboratory for weapons."
They've ran out of drinkable water and the "aid" Biden sent was only for the South of Gaza and no fuel, for hospitals, was allowed in. Many shelves in the supermarket are empty. She said many are convinced that if they don't die from the bombing, they'll die from starvation or dehydration, or whatever disease will develop from the dirty water they're drinking.
Told me all people do now is pray, cry and die. Told me she hopes West Bank is spared. Told her Israel bombed a mosque in West Bank and dozens of Palestinians in West Bank are being murdered by settlers, so she bided me goodbye.
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nochepsicodelica · 1 month ago
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Suggestive
"Why do I have to sit out here while you try things on? I've seen you naked a fuck ton of times, but I can't be in the bathroom with you while-"
The door opens, revealing you in a new, red lingerie set that had just gotten delivered. "This one?" You ask, hands on your hips as you do a slow little three-sixty for Toji.
"Oh," he utters, a low chuckle following. He can't contain the smirk on his face as he eyes you up and down, taking in the entirety of the gorgeous sight you offer. "Come here, pretty mama," he says, beckoning for you to come closer to where he is on the bed. "Let me touch. See if you're comfortable in this."
You laugh and make your way over to him. "You're gonna tell me if i'm comfortable?"
"If it's rough on my hands, then I know it doesn't feel too good on your soft skin. Now, come here." His hands reach out, pulling you by your hips to stand between his legs. He hums, satisfied, as one hand rests on your ass, squeezing, while the other occupies itself with the front of your lacy underwear, just feeling up the material. "This is pretty soft. I could tear it off easily, too," he says, teasing you by tugging on the garment.
"Aaand that's enough from you." You pull his hands off of you and head back to the bathroom. You almost laugh at the way you can feel him watching you as you walk away.
You change out of that set and into the next nightly article— a silk, black slip dress. The door opens and this time you do giggle when Toji's attention is already on you.
"How's this?" You do another little spin to display your outfit change and nudge at one of the thin shoulder straps, teasing Toji by pushing it the slightest bit down. You see his hands reach out for you, signaling for you to come and let him grope you, again. "Mm-mm," you hum. "You know silk is soft."
"But I need to check your panties," he argues. Anything to have you in his hands, again. "What if the texture is too harsh on you?"
"Oh, don't worry about that. I wouldn't be wearing panties under this. Not wearing any now..." you say, a sultry hint in your tone, as you lift the hem of the short dress the slightest bit. Toji's eyes are devouring the slow reveal of your pretty skin, following the end of the smooth dress as it goes higher and higher. He's only able to blink with disillusion, when you let the material slide back down before he gets to see what you were teasing. "...and I won't be wearing any for its official debut."
"Fuck... you look so good, ma. Wanna touch you."
"Nope. There's one more." You pull the strap of your slip up and smirk, as if taunting him for not getting to touch you. He sighs when you turn around and scurry off to the bathroom again. The crotch area of his sweats is getting uncomfortably tighter and you walking away just makes him miserable.
The last getup took a little longer to put on than the other two, due to the sheer stockings and the garter belt, but it was all worth it in the end, because even you couldn't deny how good you looked.
You open the bathroom door and peek your head out to see if Toji's waiting, though his impatience doesn't leave you wondering for long.
"Don't tell me you're shy," he teases, in hopes of baiting you into revealing yourself quicker. "What, are you completely naked?"
You take a step out, instantly feeling a rush of nerves when you're in Toji's view.
"Oh, shut the fuck up..." He mutters to himself, absorbing the hellish sight of the little number you changed into.
You take a few more steps away from the bathroom, feeling your cheeks grow warm as Toji gawks at you, unable to pick his jaw up from the floor. You decide to tease him by pointing at yourself, then at the bathroom, insinuating whether you should go back in and change.
"No, no. Bring your fine ass over here." Even his posture straightens during his attempt to bring you closer. If you had gone back inside, he would've started sweating.
"Yeah, come here, sweetheart," Toji purrs, once you're in arms reach. "Do that little spin for me." You comply and spin slowly like you did the last few times, giving him a view of everything. "Fuck, you want me to die, huh?" He murmurs, smirking at the sound of the giggles he lures out of you. He pulls you in close, his hands resting on the backs of your thighs, his face pressed into your tummy. You tangle your hands in his hair, smiling down at him as he kisses your soft, warm skin, over and over. When he looks up at you with those precious green eyes, he has the most endearing, lovestruck look on his face.
"Gonna eat you out 'til you fucking cry."
"Yeah?" You ask, cupping his cheeks as he stares on. You click your tongue and laugh bashfully when he hums affirmatively.
"Let's test run this one today, hm?" Toji suggests, pressing more kisses onto your stomach, trailing them lower until his lips meet the waistband of your garter belt.
"Now?"
"Right now. Unless you have somewhere else to be," he says, fiddling with the thin, satin strap that rests on your thigh.
"You know I don't," you say, coursing your fingers through his hair.
"So, you're gonna let me at you, then?" He asks, standing up from the bed, towering over you in a single second.
"I'm all yours," you respond. That devilish little grin on your face was the final shove needed for Toji to push you onto the bed and pounce on you. "Ah-ah-- If you rip this off, you're banned from all of this..." you drag your fingertips over your lips, the gesture transitioning to your hand gliding down your neck, your chest, your abdomen, finishing off by splaying over your panties, "...for a week."
"You wouldn't," Toji says, challenging your threat, but when you simply hum and shrug in response, as if to say 'try me', he ends up doing as you say, and carefully stripping you.
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keeps-ache · 3 months ago
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was up til 4 writing last night woohooooo :3
#just me hi#and i FINISHED what i was writing ! ! ! ! :DD#happy happy happy abt that lol !!#i was only like half-conscience for the last two full thirds of it (that's certainly an Experience btw lmfvshg) but it's not too bad either#i finished another short thing a couple months ago i think and i'd thought that was insane#turns out if you wanna get things done you just add easily achieved checkpoints. a thing i already knew but had not applied to writing ever#for some reason hkfsvhjg#like i finished it !! i finished the thang ! ! !#i rarely ever finish writing things cuz i don't think i have the network for that lolll - but i Did and ! ! ! :DD#and i didn't feel too bad waking up this morning so this is nothing but wins dude ! ! :D#ofc i'll have to go to bed earlier now tonight but yippeeee#i'm just really darn diddly pleased about it. yeah hbghfhs#//and what else..#drinkin strawberry lemonade rn !!! i love you strawberry lemonade houh <33#oouhhh one of my fave songs just came on hbghfs#wow i Am having nothing but wins today !! sick sick sick :D#//oh and since it's getting cooler i wanna go skating ! !#gotta mention that every now and then. i also love my skates hfbsh <3#they're crusted in mud (i am so sorry skates) cuz of that one time i hit the ditch (lmao) and i forgot to clean them so they've just been#Waiting for that Lol#i'll prolly get those cleaned later! hopefullyyyyyy gfhshv#yea also since i got bigger wheels than i'm used to (cuz i can't keep up w/ my siblings w/ dying wheezing lmfhsvhjg) i have to relearn some#stuff like it's Brand-brand new#but i Did master that one hill that spooked me (i went Flying dude i think it looked majestic hgkfsj) so we're making progress !! :D#hyped hyped hyped for thatttt#i miss that big empty lot in belle isle for this kinda thing but that's alright. tiny sidewalk we must join forces now#//i'm running out of tag space n i'm sposed to be doin stuff Hfhkhfjsv - toodles tooooodles :D !!
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