#i can't take this anymore i'm at my limit

[viennacherries]

okay hi sorry i need to talk about the lucanis romance for a moment and why i think it's absolutely perfect. spoilers below the cut ofc

so obviously there are a limited number of romance scenes. i really do believe in the case of lucanis' romance this lends itself to telling his story.

we learn through party banter with him and emmerich that his relationship with rook is his first. and that's not suprising really, he's an assassin. he faces death constantly and aside from the fact that he could die at any moment, being in a relationship gives his enemies a weak spot to exploit. love and the weakness required to accept and give it is a risk he cannot afford in his line of work.

then you add on the fact that he's been in the ossuary for a year. he was definitely sure he was never getting out of there. and then he does but he's possessed.

so here's rook. and they're flirting with him and being all enticing and he thinks they're great. but he doesn't deserve love and he certainly can't risk it. he's an abomination, he'll put them in danger. and what happens afterwards? when he goes back to taking contracts? it only takes pissing off the wrong person once for rook to be in danger. so he mostly just talks around it. tried not to think about it or aknowledge it.

and then spite breaks through for the second time. and there's rook. again. and they're soft and understanding and kind and they remind him that under everything else, all of the trauma and the fear, he's human. they make him feel so safe and he starts to let his walls down.

we can't know for sure why he pulls away in that moment, but i think it's because he reminds himself how dangerous it is for him and for rook. he wants them terribly but it's such an awful no good idea so he drags himself away.

but he still cares for them. he makes them dessert and he keeps them safe and eventually he has to admit to himself that they're not just friends anymore.

and then rook is taken into the fade by solas.

he never tells rook, you only find this out in a bellara romance, but rook is in the fade for weeks.

all that time, lucanis is there and he's just full of regret. because holy shit he's fallen in love with them and now they're gone and he should've just told them. he should've held them like he wanted. because now he can't and he never will again.

and then they're back.

and he comes into their room and his words are so simple.

"i never thought id see you again. i thought id lost you"

and obviously the rest of his dialogue can vary in this scene but all of it is SO weighted if you consider the fact that he really did think they were dead.

"i do. i know how to feel."

"it's one of the things i love about you"

"i'm not going anywhere."

he is in LOVE with them and he's tired of fighting it. he's tired of pretending he isn't. he's tired of denying himself of what he wants because he's scared. because ultimately he did lose them, despite how careful he'd been, and it hurt just the same.

"i know how to feel." because he DOES now.

so in the last battle, before you fight elgernan, he tells you again just how much he loves you. how he'll do anything he needs to to be back in your arms when it's over. because those weeks without you were torture and he never wants to do that again. he wasted all that time terrified to hurt you but you got hurt anyway. why keep pretending? why keep denying himself the person he wants more than anything in the world? he goes from 0-100 because this is so much more real now. there's so much to lose.

"i've assumed you knew my heart because it beats for you. it's been beating... when i wanted you. when i was afraid to want you... tell me this ends with me asleep in your arms and i will kill any god you ask."

this one sentence conveys EVERYTHING. all of his longing throughout the game. how long he has loved rook. he didn't say it because he was afraid. but he's not afraid anymore.

so much of lucanis' romance is about subtext. it's about the things he doesn't say rather than the things he does.

i think it's absolutely beautiful.

[sharowolet]

lycaon doodles 🫶

[ID: 3 drawings of von lycaon. 1 - chibi lycaon facing the left with one arm behind his back and one arm across his chest. 2 - bust of chibi lycaon very seriously looking at his phone that has a notification. text around him says "... What's an up dog?" 3 - very wide bust of lycaon but as a borzoi so he has a really long nose. there are roses behind him. he says, "ojousama it's time to go to bed"]

[elystelleven]

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" (if you know, you know)

+ other versions:

[liesmyth]

by the way. there's no conceivable universe in which the FTL fleet that left Earth in NtN didn't have it incredibly rough.

I've said this before, but it bears reminding: they jumped blind, using untested technology, with NO supply lines back to earth and no concrete plans for a colony. they took ships that were supposed to stack 11 billion people canned in like sardines and nothing else and stocked them full with enough resources to live on for generations and somehow found a settlement, and that was before they had to rush the schedule because John was making noise about transparency and mask their actual launch as a trial run.

it wasn't a comfortable journey. I'd be very, very surprised if the total passenger count was higher than 10k people, for space/resources allocation reasons as well as for secrecy reasons. Every person on board was a mouth to feed, and their descendants, and their descendants. I've seen some people in fandom say stuff like "Of course they'd bring along servants! Rich wouldn't do chores!" and IMO that fundamentally misses the point.

This wasn't the space equivalent of a cruise liner, or the Titanic crossing the Atlantic with first-class quarters and third-class decks. This is the space equivalent of climate refugees crammed in 500 in a tiny fishboat crossing the sea with a non-insignificant chance of dying en route, after emptying their savings to pay for the trip. The fact that the people on board the FTL ships were once insanely rich doesn't mean they travelled in comfort.

This was a desperate last-chance trip, destination "anywhere but here", chances of survival unknown. Their privilege got them on the ships, but the moment they left Earth, that privilege ceased to exist; there was no way to enforce an existing social structure. This is why, again, I think there were no luxuries on board and absolutely definitely no servants - if you're about to willingly enter into complete social collapse, you don't WANT to bring people you regard as less than yourself, knowing that they will be your equals tomorrow.

I'm still convinced that half the fleet at least didn't make it out, and those who managed to found settlements were nearly wiped out multiple times at different points in history.

[sotiredmostnights]

intsys. where is he. where are you holding him.

[franstastic-ideas]

Being a Volo x Akari shipper that's squicked out by the dead dove stuff is like trying to navigate a minefield.

On one side of the minefield, there's people who automatically assume my work must be dead dove as well because I enjoy the pairing, and even though my Akari is aged up, they still equate this with a certain word which starts with 'p' and ends in 'a' when it is quite literally the opposite.

On the other side of the minefield, there's the producers and consumers of the dead dove stuff who approach me believing the reason why I age up Akari is because I'm simply nervous about engaging with such material and need to be liberated from the antis.

"It's okay. You can write about that stuff. It's just fiction, and the age gap makes it spicier."

Just because I can write about something doesn't mean I want to.

The reason why I dislike the dead dove stuff so, so much is it completely goes against the core of Volo's character - a man who was driven mad by the atrocities that exist in the world. Not to mention how these works reduce Akari to a helpless damsel.

Akari could have killed Volo if she wanted to, easily, and gotten away with it too - and I will die on this hill.

(And what sounds "spicy" to me is Akari being two years older than Volo so he should use the -senpai honorific when referring to her, but he swaps it out for -sama instead because he's totally lovesick-)

And that's not even getting into what occurs when you add wanting Volo to be redeemed into the equation.

What exactly is so offensive about acknowledging Volo's nuance and then allowing him to learn from his mistakes and receive a happy new beginning with the woman he loves?

In all honesty, both sides of the minefield infuriate me in equal measure.

[quemirabobo]

I just realized that I've been putting too much on my plate lately and instead of getting some of that shit done all I end up with is feeling sick every week and things keep accumulating and I stress myself ten times more and I end up doing nothing, reading something to distract myself of the fucking titanic quest I put my ass on

[flowersafterrainfall]

i got too much sleep last night. I'm too relaxed, too comfortable. I'm feeling The Lazy creeping up behind me. I need caffeine. I need the anxiety. I need the jumpiness. I can't get lazy. too much to do. too much shame to relax anyway, so what's the point. gotta move, gotta go, gotta get stuff done efficiently, effectively, expeditiously. that last one was redundant but idc i needed another e word for emphasis lol

[ratcandy]

if all goes according to plan zote will be crushed in my hands tomorrow

[werewolf4vampire]

god i've gotta get our dog back into training but we only have one appointment that's paid for (if it doesn't expire or anything) and we can't afford anything else lmaooo

[autistickaitovocaloid]

GET ME THE FUCJ OUT IF HERE

[thewisherr]

How am I supposed to make a limited life/mcyt Heathers au under these conditions

[hettolandija]

the aftermath of November 5th 2020 was rough, man. blogs that I followed for a decade, and they never mentioned Supernatural, suddenly not only had opinion on it, but also many of them turned out to be wincest shippers.

to this day I feel the betrayal

[elystelleven]

RIP BOZOS LMAAAAAAOOOOO

(+ The original pic, for reference:)

[judesstfrancis]

white women's obsession with frida kahlo has to be stopped

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

If I live in the matrix, whoever programmed these npcs did a lousy fucking job. Every tourist I interact with is dumber than a bag of rocks! They can't read, they can't follow simple instructions, they forget everything but the last word you say to them, it's like dealing with the severely mentally disabled, except they're all rich white republicans from Indiana or some shit. Is the water potable up north? How much lead do they ingest daily? How have we made it this far as a society when half the population is functionally illiterate? It honest to god feels like I'm surrounded by automatons! It's insanity! It's psychosis! This is my life!

This is hell. I am in hell. There is no escape from this. Nowhere is safe from their brainless influence. These people run the world, and the only thoughts in their heads are self-service and cruelty, going about their days on autopilot, punctuated every now and then with interactions that make me legitimatepy doubt my own sanity and the fabric of reality. There had to be more to life than this. Why am I conscious in an unconscious world?