#i can't see any light at the end of the tunnel bc the tunnel is long n winding and never-ending as it currently looks

[monstermp3]

.

[haveihitanerve]

Okay so theres quite a bit of Batcest hate out in the world- and I do have to admit, I view the Bats as family too, which is why I can understand, but there are certain ships that i understand, after all most of them are not related biologically at all, and are under no obligation to each other to be so, bruce literally says in one comic "Whether or not they're brothers is no matter, they're both my sons" or smth along those lines, pretty much his children may all be his children but that in no way has to make them siblings anyway im getting away from myself here, a list of batcest shippings i understand and my reasoning for why people might ship them together, if you don't wanna, don't read any further🙃

Bruce/Dick: Brudick is an old ship, actually, originally they were created as a gay couple, not openly, but heavily implied, and a way for people back in the day to "legally get married" was through adoption... Anyway I like BruDick when I see it because it just works Dick understands Bruce in a way no one else ever will, he was the first one, the original, his grief and experience mirrors Bruce's in a way that makes them so similar and yet so different, he is the light at the end of Bruce's tunnel, and theres just so much that can be written about them, angsty or fluffy, whether romantic or platonic

Jason/Tim: this one I also understand, to an extent, Tim needs someone who cares for him, Jason needs someone who understands him, Tim looked up to Jason, not as much as Dick but enough, he wants Jason to come back into the family, wants Jason and Bruce to forgive each other, he sees the good in Jason when no one else does, hes stubborn in his desire to mend their relationship- Jason on the other hand once he stops trying to kill Tim actually genuinely cares for him in a way he doesn't for anyone else in the Batfam, appreciates Tim's knowledge and perspective and I do believe, I honestly am not too sure on this, but he works with Tim first before anyone else??? i'm probs wrong on that one but I think... anyway I do like their pairing- it gives a nice contrast and they usually tend to love each other wholeheartedly, almost obsessively in the fics i read, which they kinda deserve, someone who loves them so much

Bruce/Jason: this one I get, but only after the pit. They're two sides of the same coin, Jason is only more willing to go for the final step and Bruce isn't, theres just so much of their morals that collide and snap, this honestly could just be a fic/pairing i like because of the angry smut and all, but yeah i like them, I feel like romance between them would make it easier for Bruce to get his point across about why he can't murder and why its wrong, and also vice versa

Dick/Jason: the two oldest, the ones who dealt with Bruce's shit the longest. Idk but something about them, they had almost personality flips, Jason was the happy go lucky one, then he went pit mad and now hes angry and snaps and Dick was the angry one hell bent on vengeance and now he's smiling and happy and trying to keep the fam together and all that, idk jason would let dick be angry again if they're a couple and let him release all the pent up anger/repressed inside and Dick would cool Jason's anger, bring back the joy in him, etc etc

Bruce/Tim: this one I'm still a lil on the fence about, I like it because it offers another side of Bruce and Tim's relationship, and it adds another way for Bruce to show he does actually care and appreciate and love tim and wants him in his life, and its another way for tim to soothe Bruce and bring him back from the edge and etc etc... don't have too much to add bc again im on the fence but yeah

so those are all that i got for now, yeah hope that maybe explained things better, probably just made things more confusing but i just had to get it out at one point :p overall i steer away from batcest in my fics and dont like to use it like that, theyre family, brothers sisters, parents in my heart, but sometimes theres just scenarios where they fit better as romantic partners... anyway thats all

[sunny-reacts-to-stuff]

tma 39 "infestation"

worms, parasites, gore, physical violence, body horror, trypophobia, uncanny, jumpscares (2m07s, 2m11s, 2m16s, 6m40s, 18m25s), loud screaming, alarm sounds, high-pitched audio interference, being chased, being trapped, getting lost, asphyxiation, abandoned tunnels

i cant believe i am slaying my way through the magnus archives as a scaredy cat

martin being like "right right right right" is so cute from an outside perspective but i would literally kill him myself if i was jon in that moment

where the fuck is tim

also my poor 3/4 archivists im praying for you rn

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "there we go ^0^" see that's the clervalstein i came in for

"Look, you guys got to go home every day, okay. I didn’t!" my SON TT

HE SAID THANK YOU ????

so sorry jon for saying it would take you until s4 to say please and thank you

"These old files are far better protected than we ever were." the diction of that was peak "im gonna kms"

nooo martin you did great

better trapped than dead?

"why record it" for the memories, sash

he has gotten attached, let him be

gods forbid an autistic guy has a comfort object

Every real statement just leads… deeper into something I don’t even know the shape of yet. -> i feel you jon dont worry

the only difference between you and i is that i have something close to a database and you look like you cant type into a computer

"Only an idiot would stay in this job." says guy that goes to work at 6 am bc he wants to

LET MARTIN (and me) CALL YOU AN IDIOT

waiting for me im coming waaait im coming too

ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU ARE USING THE FUCKING TAPE RECORDER BECAUSE THEY JUST MAGICALLY DONT RECORD DIGITALLY AND YOU HAVE WAITED 39 CHAPTERS TO LET ME KNOW THAT

"ITS SOUNDPROOFED" I AM WHEEZING AND I SO SHOULDNT

turn around every now and then i get a little bit lonely

SASHA?

"joe spooky" i fw this guy

I JUST SAID I FUCK WITH HIM.

WHAT.

man.

man.

man.

"it's stupid" "yes. yes it is" jon he just saw his friend (YOUR FRIEND) die can you be nicer

jk i know he's also very stressed

MARTIN GETTING MAD? YES.

please jon. enlighten me on why you started working there. i've been wondering.

out of those 40 i just listened to, at least 80% of them ended with you being "nah why would this be real"

jonathan. i am so sorry i ever was mean to you.

actually i still think you should have been nicer to your co-workers.

but i am sorry about everything else.

this is what i wanted (not the tim part of course) but yes be vulnerable

slowburn and forced proximity the trope you are

couldnt the worms have killed fuckass elias

im so sorry because tim just died but im here smiling like an idiot at these two actually having a conversation

"we’re clearly doing a whole heart-to-heart thing" autistic ass man (just like me fr)

the fuck do you mean "even you must be aware that's not normal"

is martin from london

WAHT.

WHAT.

WHAT.

JON WE CAN'T GO FROM "I DON'T BELIEVE ANY STATEMENT BC IM A WEE LAD AND IM SCARED" TO "AH YEAH MY ROOMMATE MUST HAVE BEEN A GHOST"

HE IS SO OFFENDED LMAOOO

the va's from manchester

elias you're a horrible boss

THE FUCK YOU MEAN "WORSE THAN MARTIN"

MARTIN ISNT EVEN BAD

BURN THE BUILDING

SASHA DONT USE THAT

oh he used to smoke thats why he was so offended when tim asked

"im not a doctor" i say that very often

YOUR ONE REASON TO NOT KILL MARTIN AND JON IS THAT YOU DONT WANNA REHIRE JON?

"so....." sounded so silly

"the window is covered in WORMS" sounded so pinocchio trailer

okay now hug as you die

tim?

"bit light headed, the gas yk" tim you are so funny please dont go bald

DID HE JUST FLASH THEM

"can you walk?" "no" "THEN LET'S GO ^^"

HE WRITES POETRY AND HE RECORDS THEM ANALOGICALLY TO GIVE IT A LO-FI CHARM. JON, IF YOU DONT MARRY HIM I WILL AND IM A LESBIAN

but tbh that sounds a bit suspicious

why are we all giving out our reasons to join the institute

the fuck

DID SHE GET GRAHAM'ED?

DID SASHA GET GRAHAM'ED?

MARTIN HAS WHAT

well. that was everything but fun.

[animalpetcel]

Carnelian Blood Thoughts

I have spent the past day or so just binge reading Carnelian Blood, the spin-off series to Diabolik Lovers (my guilty pleasure) and one of the many series of Rejet.

Honestly I had a lot of fun lol. I feel like the mystery of Carnelian plan's, the missing 6th Erosion member and the origin of both the guys and our main girl I feel like helps make the content feel meatier and not just rely on romantic moments with the boys (or them just goofing off). And the fact that the cds get plot moments at all is pretty interesting! I also like how it is kinda more evident that they all have different relationships with their dad (from Byakuya's freak outs at the near mention of him, Toxin's more gung-ho attempt at fulfilling Carnelian's orders, Creha and Yoru being more doubtful and Neight/Ura being the ones who are actually in touch with him).

I think the only kinda frustrating thing is that Erosion are chimeras, demon world races with something imbued in them (the tl said they had demon parts but I'm not actually sure what it meant by that?). You'd think that this means that we would be able to see more of the behaviors of the adler, vibora and werewolf races that sets them apart from DLs vampires right (even with a bit of other stuff mixed in)? Well no bc they also drink blood (but of not-humans this time...which feels like splitting hairs) bc of their chimera condition and have so far demonstrated only supernatural abilities related to their chimera condition....so Toxin & Yoru don't do werewolf stuff, Creha doesn't do anything related to vibora and Neight/Ura & Byakuya don't seem much like adler...it's disappointing that they feel like just...weaker vampires atm but I'm willing to give them time to cook.

(Also outside of Neight/Ura and I think Toxin, the boys haven't actually made the largest use of their chimeric traits. But again I'm willing to wait and see).

Now here's my thoughts on each individual member, from youngest to oldest.

Creha: Ngl I thought either him or Neight/Ura would have ended up being my favorite but instead it was someone else (Yoru). I think his video game obsession and how he uses that to kinda avoid difficult things, or it also demonstrating how he gets tunnel vision when he's focusing was really neat. I only kinda think that it would be nice if Creha demonstrated a specific preference for certain video games rather than the writing making it sound like he loves every single video game genre equally (he does seem to have a preference for challenging games...but that's also pretty vague. Not that he can't be a video game nerd, but nerds also have specific stuff they like). Also I thought that the two little scars he had under his mask felt but a little goofy, like I've seen similar characters who avoid showing their mouths for similar reasons but bc of the genre Creha can't actually look non-traditionally attractive so they just kinda look like really light scars.

Byakuya: Ngl he's probably my least favorite if only bc it is really hard to decipher what's he's saying at any given moment. I find the way how he gets affected by his "blood cravings" the worst out of all of his brothers, and the fear he has for Carnelian interesting but there isn't a lot of bite on otherwise? Even his obsession with disinfectant feels like it's missing context so until we get more info on him I can't really say much.

Toxin: What if "Sold to 1Direction" went terribly wrong? Or right if you're into that thing. Despite him not being my favorite, I want to spin him around and study him like a bug. I guess off all the boys I consider him to be the most unsettling, simply bc I do think pop stars similar to him like...exist lol. The way he craves perfection and flies off the handle into destructive rage is both unnerving and I feel like creates a nice mesh between his "princely" persona (also contrasting with his twin brother, who is spicy on the outside but mostly sweet on the inside, while Toxin is the reverse). My only question is that how did take the moment of him basically dragging the mc on stage and assaulting her for like...his fans to become aware? Not that they wouldn't defend him (ppl like that exist), but that there aren't even rumors that his guy has anger issues lol. I also find it interesting how he's the main guy pushing Carnelians' goal forward while Yoru is on the more hesitant side. I do wish we saw these two play off of each other more tho bc I feel like there could be some good content in showing how they became so different. So I will be watching him closely as more content comes out.

Yoru: Best boy! Baby! He cooks, he (begrudging) plays piano, he seems to be the mostly sane member of the group and swears like a sailor! What more could you ask for? I find it funny how, despite him being the "bad boy" of the group, he's actually the kindest to the point where he's the only one who doesn't kill/torture you in his bad ending cd (partially bc the mc kills him but ssssshhhh). Even tho he still sucks our blood and namecalls the mc, he feels almost out of place bc of how less violent he is compared to the rest of the DL universe. He also seems to be the only one curious as to why Carnelian wants the MC, and his distrust of Carnelian, and the fact that he might have been taught by Elias I feel like gives him a lot of plot threads for juicy drama if they like...ever give Carnelian Blood a game (pleasepleasepleaseplease-)

Neight/Ura: I think he's (they're?) like my second favorite. Honestly I really buy into the theory that Ura might be the sixth boy on that island, and the way he described having to see his own dead body makes me sympathize with him. I'm honestly fairly happy that Neight gets to be the "leader" of the group, even if he doesn't get to that show that (or his smarts) often. Honestly the dynamic between Neight and Ura left me with a lot of questions. For starts, does like...their school know that he has a split personality? Ura never seems interested in like, even remotely pretending to be Neight, and Neight falls asleep often (honestly the CDs struggle to balance these two. Even in their solo cd it did not feel like these two got to have as much back and forth as I would have liked, and the group cds did "Neight falls asleep fairly early in and then we spend the rest of the cd with Ura" way too often that it never feels like we spend enough time with Neight) in random places yet it doesn't even cause that much of an issue? Like maybe seeing Neight have to struggle to clean up Ura's messes and Ura feeling limited by Neight's responsibilities I feel like could have added to their attempts to kill one another. Also Ura at one point says that he doesn't want to perform, nor help the rest of Erosion but that also like...doesn't go anywhere? Like I just feel like they could do more with two being forced to coexist.

I'd like to ramble about Carnelian and his plans as well as comparing him to Karlheinz but I think I'm gonna wait for a bit more of his plan to come to light. I do wanna say that I wish his daughters lived if only bc it would be nice to have more non-evil/dead female side characters.

Anyway those are my thoughts and everyone is feel to add to them or ask questions! I really hope they get a game bc I feel like they really have a content that'll benefit from the change in medium. I heard that there are more cds coming out too so I'm excited for that!

[strawberryj0y]

the first time i saw this image was before i even read hiori's light novel and i remembering wondering what could possibly be the context of this image bc wtf is going on in the background and foreground LMAO like why are they in a tunnel??

and then upon finally finding out, it didn't make it any better jdfhgjhgsfjdgf [continued below]

bc what do u mean this is Krasu discovering Hiori was stalking him home after practice one day and purposefully lead him into a dark tunnel to catch Hiori off-guard and when asked for an explanation, all hiori can say is “No, uhm… I just wanted to know more about Karasu-kun’s ways.” and then they start flirting...............

sidenote, this is one of my faveeee passages from the light novel (see full passage attached at the end of this post), hiori is just so sweetly awkward and he just can't help himself when it comes to Karasu so he stumbles his way through this interaction and earnestly asks Karasu questions

to which Karasu is understandably confused as fuck at first sjhgfjhsgf but also hopelessly endeared bc he can tell Hiori's coming from a place of complete sincerity and genuine intrigue in Karasu as a person, he's just got zero idea how to go about it in a normal way LMAO

which is also why Karasu gives him honest responses, admitting to his own shortcomings and all Hiori can say is that he thinks Karasu's perfect jdfhsjfjhsgfjdgfj

and then Hiori's very happy to learn that karasu also plays videogames and Karasu's hitting him with philosophy for whatever reason* but hiori's eating it up and getting happy at finding yet another common ground with Karasu, despite how overall different they are

*(i have some ideas about why that might be, i'll make another post about this in the near future!)

The final line of this passage is just ughhhhhh (/pos) because Hiori just likes him so damn much, and it manifests in this bottomless curiosity. Hence why this scene starts with Hiori, being new to these feelings (genuine interest in another person) and being ill-equipped to deal with them in socially acceptable ways LMAO, attempting to follow Karasu all the way home to satiate this burning desire to know him. Know him how he seems to know Hiori.

I just adore how Hiori doesn't even try to hide it either; mainly bc I don't think there's an excuse/lie good enough to explain away his actions here lmao. He's just a painfully open book. Karasu with his keen observation skills can pierce right through most people's facades and right into their core, reading them with wonderful precision which is what makes his soccer playstyle so difficult to play against (as we saw through Isagi's experience in their first match together during third selection). But at this point, he doesn't even have to employ this skill of his because he just has to poke Hiori a little and he'll spill his guts out without hesitation. And here's the thing - he's happy to do so! No shame. No attempts to hide the embarassing parts. He just melts LMAO

And Karasu is also never really put-off by it. In fact, he willingly indulges it, and proceeds to share his own weaknesses and hobbies and the philosophies behind them. He willingly gives Hiori a glimpse into himself, his life.

Also, him going from scared to smirking at the chance to tease Hiori for observing him so intensely lately - only to then try to pass it off as being annoying and creepy yet still going on to indulge Hiori's personal questions is making me dizzy LMAO that's very Karasu of him tbh, all this push-and-pull. He has to compensate every pull (acts of bridging the gap between them) with a push ('idiot', 'creepy', 'annoying', 'what kind of question is that?' and answering it sincrely anyway, responding to hiori's 'you're perfect' with rationalisations of why he's not).

[suzukiblu]

I'm sorry for asking but I need to know before I decide to keep reading the sex puzzle room(?) Wip bc rn it's a bit too dark for me.

I don't need too many spoiler or anything, but does it get better? Like, is this going to get a happier ending? Or any kind of healthier, emotional resolution? Bc I can't deal with hurt-no-comfort right now, but your writing is so good I don't wanna miss out unless absolutely necessary.

Thanks in advance 💜

Naw, that's a totally fair/understandable question, esp when a thing's not, like, a complete fic on AO3 with a full list of applicable tags attached. Like, absolutely makes sense to ask, imo.

Though just gonna pop the answer behind a cut for anyone who doesn't actually wanna know anything vibes-related about either the ending or the emotional path we go through to get there.

tl;dr: I am intending a "situation is improved" ending; worst-case scenario is "situation improved but bittersweetly". Like, we won't say full-on HAPPY given the circumstances of the fic setup and all, but emotionally in a better place, basically.

The current word count's like 10k-ish, and my current don't-quote-me-on-this-but-probably estimate is it'll be between another 5 and 10k before I finish it, so if you're really on the fence I might suggest waiting to read 'til the whole fic's done and posted on AO3? Since then you could, like, see all the tags all together to make your final decision and also would be able to just read it straight through as opposed to it being a dragged-out thing that might be more stressful to read.

There's still Kon's current level of emotional breakdown to get through, obviously--which just so you know def is gonna escalate to more upsetting territory in terms of his thoughts/feelings/things he says before it ends--but after that particular crescendo the fic should have a bit of wind-down and then wrap up. I'm not intending to end on an awful miserable downer or anything like that; the worst the ending vibe might end up is maybe a "painful but for the best" bittersweet, but my actual INTENTIONS for the ending emotions that I want the reader to walk away feeling are more, like, "the situation is not insta-fixed and is emotionally a Lot(tm) for EVERYONE in different ways, but there is clearly visible light at the end of the tunnel".

[solar-sunnyside-up]

heyyy its me again :3

so my culture is VERY anti-mending bc of reasons (torn/mended clothing brings poverty or some bs, im not following it but my parents are very strict) and i have little chance of even being able to go to the library much less participate

so all i can really do is gather resources, which is really disheartening since, yk, im two years away from moving out and 2 years is a long time for a teen like me

i guess im really just asking for affirmation since i can do next to nothing and i kinda feel bad for calling myself solarpunk bc it just feels like the anger at the system is festering and kinda hurting me since i cant DO anything

and all i can do is wait and watch as the world feels like its going to shit bc of climate change and people hurting each other bc theyre different

and i honestly hate actually gardening even though i like the idea of it (or maybe im just too burnt out to put any effort into anything idk)

im not sure what else to say, sorry about the vent/asking for affirmation

Hey I hear ya! There's a lot of stigma around mending and the ability to interact with our groups irl given the way our system is currently built is extra hard!

This doesn't devalue what you do, doesn't mean your wants and values mean any less just bc society and current situation are literally built to keep you isolated.

The thing is, we have to find where we can and sometimes that means all we can do is daydream or read or nit take physical action.

And that is super duper tough. To be so far from the end of the tunnel that you honestly can't see the light. The big thing is that we inspire each other so that we can wax and wane as needed!

I was once a "useless lazy" teen who only daydreamed of earthships and solarpanels. And now I'm on the board for my community. Writing grants and emails to get food at events so kids can come and so we'll known in my community I can't go on walks with headphones in bc ppl wanna chat. But even if I had never done any of it, my value as a person isn't diminished and I'd still proudly be solarpunk. And so, even if you do nothing the rest of your life, you are too.

[supergaybuddie]

peer pressure challenge with @lasagnatheory night 3 idk something witty to follow bennett's better at it than me

i have pivoted from my NSFT buddie ficlet for our challenge mostly bc it truly is just mostly smut. we instead get the start of one of my infideleddie fics!!

"Buck...." His name permeates the dream he's experiencing and it doesn't make sense, his slack face scrunching up slightly from the confusion of it. He's dreaming of Eddie, yes, but the intonation is all wrong and it's so loud. "Buck!" His unconscious body jumps ever-so-slightly and he lets out a quiet groan, shifting from his side onto his belly as sleep tries to grasp for the light at the end of the tunnel. He doesn't want it to leave him yet. "BUCK!" Blue eyes fly open at the screaming of his name, his hands scrambling for purchase anywhere they can reach: the pillows, the sheets, the duvet of Eddie's bed. The bed is shaking, and in his half-asleep, half-awake-addled brain, it feels like he's experiencing an earthquake. Doing his best to get his bearings, his body shaking from the rude awakening, his eyes peer blearily around the room until they land on the culprit of his near-heart attack. The grin on his face is one he can only think of shit-eating, and it would be the cutest thing Buck's ever seen if he didn't feel like he's waking up in the middle of armageddon. "Eddie, fuck, what--" "It's Chris, Buck. It's Chris! He - he texted me just now." Now that's got his attention, and Buck's quickly forgotten about his outrage as he takes in his best friend. There are tears prickling in his eyes, threatening to fall at any second, but Buck can see what lies behind them-- pure joy. "Wh-what? He did? Okay, um, what did he say?" Buck's body finally reconnects to his brain, and he's moving to sit up, looking up at Eddie, whose knees are buried into the mattress from where he must have been jumping in an attempt to wake him. Oh fuck. Why is that so cute? Okay, that's not the point. He needs to focus. "He... he said he wants to come home." Eddie's voice is now a whisper as if he can't speak any louder or it'll negate what he's said. "He wants me to come and pick him up."

[reikunrei]

okayyyy so i made a post abt this last night that was just a short ramble trying to piece my thoughts together but basically... i’m just really curious how will’s (possible) powers might manifest and what they might be, and i’m trying to like. reason out how i feel about them and what i personally think would be cool or fitting...

lots of people have talked about this before (like user pinkeoni has made some really good posts abt it, and i think heroesbyler has had good discussions abt it too) and what his powers might be, and a lot of them revolve around creation or light, both of which i’m very fond of

this isn't so much a theory or prediction as it is a "these are things i noticed and i think this would work well with the themes of the show" type of spiel. it ended up way longer than i wanted it to and goes off on multiple tangents because i can't stop myself, so i'm putting it under the cut lol

it's more just for me to try and articulate what i'm feeling about it, but if anyone actually reads this mess, you're more than welcome to share your thoughts :3

with the creation stuff, it automatically makes me think of the UD taking the shape of hawkins... because we know that henward grew to hate that town so why would vecna shape the UD to look like the place he hated? i suppose it could be bc he wanted to take revenge on the town, so why not daydream about it and destroy your scale model of it to get some catharsis, right? but... then it's frozen on the night will went missing? it’s possible that the UD could have simply taken the shape of hawkins when the s1 gate was opened and made the two worlds touch, thus making the UD a true "mirror" dimension of hawkins. but i also really like the idea of will getting sucked into the UD, panicking, wishing he had his hiding places to go to to escape from this monster chasing him, and poof! now he's in hawkins and all of his hiding places are there (he's good at hiding!) but it's still the "wrong" hawkins

but anyway, i want to move on to the "light" angle because there's so many things that i love about the possibility of will's powers taking the form of some kind of light to counteract the darkness created by vecna and the UD ("hide in the light" thank u max)

i especially think it would be cool for it to take the shape of some kind of fire or flame, even if the powers themselves don't behave like fire, like it's just a stylization choice to give some sort of visual that the characters and audience can see

i don't recall if there's any specific moment where any version of henward/vecna/001 or other characters talk about burning or fire as a form of destruction in a metaphorical/symbolic sense, but we see it enough of it literally throughout the show. fire is a means of causing pain, of killing, of destroying

season 1, nancy and jonathan think to burn the demogorgon to a crisp because, hey, that'd be a pretty effective way to kill something, right? so they carry that theory over into all the other seasons

season 2, we see hopper using his lighter to maneuver through the tunnels below hawkins, and the vines flinch away from the flame. we see owens and the lab using fire to cull the "weeds" still growing out of the gate. we see will react physically to the burning, feeling the pain through the link with the hivemind, and requiring it to be cold in order to not be in physical agony

season 3, uuuh i can't remember any direct usage of fire against the fleshflayer other than the fireworks, but that's more about the explosions than the flames imo lol. but we do get the sauna test (best s3 episode hands down mwah love it) and the aversion to heat that we see in billy and also in heather, though less prominently

season 4, we get murray's killer flamethrower scene and hopper using the flaming spear to keep the demogorgon at bay. our hawkins crew relies heavily on use of fire (flambé) in order to take out vecna's physical body

so there's just a lot of fire and fire as a means of destruction. but i can't help also thinking about how fire isn't purely a means of harm. fire keeps us warm, it brings us light in the darkness, it cooks our food and brings us health. the sun, a giant ball of fire, is essential for life to exist on earth. i especially keep thinking about how wildfires are a necessity to the planet, and in places like healthy grassland ecosystems, fires are crucial to burn out old growth to make way for new, fresh green, which the animals there then rely on. letting old growth continue to sit and dry out and die isn't good. it has to be removed completely so that new grass shoots can take over

(not to mention that allowing for controlled burns and letting wildfires run their course in a regular system ultimately allows for fewer, less destructive wildfires to happen. if there's no old, dry growth to burn, then there's less stuff to catch on fire)

how does this tie into the show, though?

to me, it makes me think of the concept of simply living with your trauma, not talking about it, and pretending everything is fine, when all that's doing is creating more kindling for a bigger, more destructive fire. it makes me think of season 2 and the conversation will has with jonathan about how everyone keeps treating him like he's gonna break, and the instructions joyce and hopper got from owens to just "treat him how you normally would." you can ignore trauma all you want and pretend everything is fine, but it's going to be more destructive in the long run. instead, letting him talk about it, listening, letting him burn things down a little bit, will be healthier because it'll clear out that old, dry grass clogging everything up and leave a clean patch of earth for him to build back up with new, healthier growth. you can take a weed wacker to it all you want, but those old roots are still there

not to mention the way they get rid of the mind flayer is to "burn it out of him." they literally let the "fire" run rampant, cranking up the heat to make his body inhabitable to the mind flayer, clearing out those nasty "weeds" so will can grow on his own (more or less) unimpeded

and then there's the s1 flashback scene between will and joyce where he's drawing will the wise shooting green fireballs. joyce asks, "why does he need fireballs if he's so wise? can't he just outsmart the bad guys?" but will explains that sometimes the bad guys are smart too, so he needs the fireballs

only here, they're green because he doesn't have a red crayon. this specific tidbit makes me think of how will's powers are currently repressed in some way. at that time, it was possibly because his powers "hadn't come in" yet, if we want to follow the idea that powers are a symbol for puberty or coming of age

he hasn't "found his flame" yet, so to speak (which is what got me thinking about all of this at all last night bc of the song 'find your flame' from the sonic frontiers ost the absolute slapper that it is) and at this point it's obvious that any awakening of his powers will happen in s5 when he's no longer being suppressed, much like how he currently has to suppress his true feelings, or how he's been unable to move on from what happened to him in s1 and 2

he has to use "fireballs" because sometimes the bad guy is smart. sometimes the bad guy has a trick up his sleeve (like *checks notes* literally not being able to die) and your original plan won't work. you can stock up on weapons, you can create as many sneaky ambushes as you want, you can solve all of the bad guy's riddles, but sometimes you need the fireballs

and, once again, we come back to how i feel like will's powers won't be literal fireballs, or something he physically wields. when it comes to el, henward, and kali, as well as the other powers that we see from other subjects, it's all something that they do. and here's where i start to struggle with how i want to articulate what i think about will's powers...

to me, will's possible powers aren't a weapon in the way that we've seen other powers used, or at least framed as, a weapon

like... i guess i do think that it's something that he can "do," but it's less "i'm going to move this thing with my mind" "i'm going to go into your head and walk through your memories" "i'm going to make you see something that isn't really there." like, he himself, his person, his mind, his essence, his intent, is the power. will byers is the light. why else constantly bask him in rays of sunshine, hm?? lol

again, i want to touch on the possibility of the UD hawkins manifesting simply because he wanted it to. he didn't think about it, he didn't deliberately go like "okay and now this house is here and this place is there" it simply... was. it just happened without much of his input other than a vague wish and panic

if we want to make it into something more deliberate, it makes me think of lio fotia in promare. the movie is basically about this group of people who suddenly developed "burnish" abilities, where they contain fire and have some sort of fire powers. they're persecuted by the rest of the planet, and are treated as terrorists and locked away in prisons and experimented upon. the fire, or "promare," inside of them is a double-edged sword, where they supposedly rejuvenate their bodies, but if they don't let it burn, it instead kills them and they turn to ash. spoilers i guess (you should definitely go watch this movie i highly recommend it), but near the end of the movie, lio is taken captive by the antagonist, kray foresight, and our other main chara galo thymos tries to save lio. kray lashes out using his burnish powers and tries to burn galo, but lio launches his own flames toward galo to protect him. when galo's firefighting team finds him, he's on fire, but he doesn't notice because the fire doesn't hurt him. it's a special kind of flame that doesn't burn! in the end, in order to save the world, they have to let it fully burn one last time, and galo and lio work together to wrap the entire earth in a massive wave of fire, and it's fire that takes the form of water. it engulfs everyone, but everyone realizes that it doesn't actually burn

i'm getting off topic but !! now we start getting less into "will has fire powers" and more "his powers are light and warmth" instead. like lio and galo's combined powers and intent (that's the other thing, that final big burn is different than the rest because of the intent behind it), it's not actually about the fire, it's about its purpose

he needs the fireballs to fight the bad guys, but in the case of our "bad guy," literal fireballs don't work. henward's past is a complicated one, and a lot of where he's been led was caused by his lack of a proper support system. he was villainized for being different. even when he was found by someone who "cared" for him, it was for that man's own personal gain, not because he actually cared about henward

henward was only ever burned and then left in the cold. nobody gave him a second chance like el, nobody listened to him like will. he was forced to fend for himself on his own in the darkness. he came to rely on the darkness. vecna literally focuses on the darkest thoughts of his victims in order to gain enough power to open gates. and sure, focusing on negative emotions gives all of our characters with powers some burst of strength

but then we're shown that love is what makes them even stronger. focusing on happy memories, memories of friends and loved ones, memories of the love itself, is what allows el to overpower 001 in the lab and to close the gate in s2 and to break billy out of his tether to the fleshflayer. and even in that final showdown in s3, she's not using her powers. she's burned out. in that moment, it's not the powers themselves that save them, it's the message behind it

will's whole character is about love and understanding. he puts himself last consistently, he puts the needs of others above himself, and he does not know how to be a little bit selfish when it comes to his feelings. he's sensitive, he's kind, he's artistic, he cries easy, he relies on his friends and family to feel safe and loved, and without them, he feels lost and hurt and alone. and there might be ups and downs, but he gets that love and support from them. they always have his back. he knows what it's like to feel pain and to suffer, but to have people who will stay by your side unconditionally through it all

and that's something he can offer to vecna and his alternate versions. he can offer that love, and that warmth, and that light in the darkness. and once again, i think it would be neat if it was less of a literal flame or source of light, and that it was will who is the source of light. like, he is the example for henward/vecna to see. he's the proof that despite all the bad shit there is in the world, there are people who will still love you anyway. there's people who will listen to you and care for you even if everyone else shuts you out

and even if it does take the form of something literal, of an actual flame or glowing ball of light or more of those glowy particles, it's not a weapon like the other powers we've seen

it's also about just shining a light on all the good stuff that's mixed in with the bad stuff. again, there is no black and white (thanks brenner, you fuck). henward was miserable in his life, he hated it and was frustrated that he felt trapped in a cage, and he only saw all the bad in the world. he couldn't see any of the good mixed in (ie. the possibility that he was friends with scott clarke as a kid, or even the fact that victor was really so caring and loved his son so much) because he just assumed it was all bad and he'd have to start from scratch to get any of the good he wanted

even focusing on the negative thoughts and feelings of his victims, vecna was able to be evaded by thinking of happy memories that took place at the same time as the bad ones. "hide in the light." again and again, we see max use memories, both past and present, to free herself from his clutches. good memories that still exist alongside the bad ones. and if vecna acknowledges that there's still good mixed in among the bad, his whole source of power, the foundation for his plan, completely crumbles

if will's power has to do with light, then he'll be the one to shine the light on all of the good memories that henward had mixed in among the bad. and this isn't to victim blame this 12 year old boy who was miserable and didn't know what else to do, but it's instead about his lack of support system, and how it's understandable to have grown so jaded, but that doesn't mean everything is bad, and there's still a chance for him to come back from it and change his way of thinking

henward was a wildfire waiting to happen, and rather than having someone to let him burn a little, to let out his anger and listen, he was trimmed back and suppressed. he had his old growth left there to dry out, which only added more kindling. he was never given the room to bring in new growth

and then to really tie in the use of fire to match the theme of "no black and white," i think about avatar the last airbender, and specifically the sun warrior temple that aang and zuko visit in the final book. in book 1 of atla, aang tries to learn firebending and jumps in too quickly, ends up burning katara's hands, and swears off ever learning firebending because he doesn't want to hurt anyone with it. in book 3, zuko offers to teach him, but aang is still very timid about it because of that incident in book 1. zuko also finds his firebending ability diminishing, and they surmise that it's because he no longer has this drive to find and capture the avatar. that was his source of power, his purpose, and now that it's no longer his purpose, he has to find the true way to master firebending. so, the two boys travel to the sun warrior temple to try to find answers. there, both zuko and aang admit that they really only see fire as something destructive, but the sun warriors remind them that fire is warmth and light and life. fire can be destructive, but it is not only destructive. it's something beautiful and necessary, you just have to respect it

feels pretty fitting for stranger things, yeah?

so, to wrap this all up before i go fucking crazy:

i personally think that will's powers will predominantly take the form of fire or light

i do also still adhere to some of the creation power theories, but it also wouldn't be crazy for him to have more than one power, right? after all, el can use telekinesis, track someone's physical location, and go into their minds. that's 3 pretty different things that she can do!

will is directly tied to the behavior of the lights in s1 and called back to in s4. throughout the show, and especially in s4, will is basked in sunshine on multiple occasions. sure, those instances are mostly about his bond to mike, and how mike sees him in this halo of light all the time...

but that still ties into the theme of love. those rays of light are about mike's love for will, and vice versa. but that kind of unconditional love and acceptance is something that will have to be extended to henward and vecna. therefore: light is the key

and again, it just feels very fitting to have the key be something like fire. something that's so often villainized and only seen as bad and destructive, when it truly is something that's misunderstood. unchecked, it can run rampant and cause pain and grief, but when respected, it can bring life and healing, for lack of a better word

so far, we've only seen fire used as a means of harm. it does keep our characters safe (ie. hopper's flaming spear, the flame thrower, the moltovs, etc.) but it is wielded as a weapon first, when it doesn't have to be

fire can cause pain, yes, but fire is also passion and love. light is something to be extended, to help people find their way out of the darkness, and i just think it would be really cool to see vecna, who's always shrouded in darkness, or henward who hid away in the dark attic surrounded by candles, to have a ray of warm sunshine like will byers hold out a hand to him and try to help

[bookishjules]

2, 4 and 12? <3

2. what are some of the things that have made you who you are?

dude i'm too introspective for this shit.. um. yes. yeah. everything. [insert paragraph listing shit that i did write but decided to replace with..] one specific example though, was my 3rd-5th grade teacher (so i had her from ages 9-11) who learned early on that i was a perfectionist and took it upon herself to break that part of me. she would sit me in the hall alone with my final drafts of essays or whatever, which had to be in cursive, and give me the goal of timing myself by the minute and writing more words than i had in the previous minute. and that's just the quickest example i can recall.. i swear that woman made me cry multiple times but i will always appreciate her dedication to breaking as much of that piece of me as she could bc lord knows i wouldn't have survived otherwise

4. share a dark thought? (go on, vent a little)

i've been feeling a lot recently like i'm buried beneath concrete. like i'm stuck where i am in more ways than one. and i'm worried i'm never going to be able to escape again. it makes my skin itch and my brain go to dark places. i can't see any sort of exit hatch and tbh my trust that there's any light at the end of the tunnel has grown so thin..

12. something you want to monologue about?

the other day i overheard a man say to his daughter something about how guys don't have as close of friendships bc they're waiting for a girl to idk share life with or devote themselves to or whatever (i can't remember exactly) but it made me want to turn and deliver the longest argument for why that is an absolutely asinine take and why he shouldn't be cheerfully perpetuating the idea that men being vulnerable with each other idk isn't in their nature or whatever. so yeah. i would love to monologue about that, along with many other things i'm sure lol

ask game that past jules insisted i do, not knowing it would post from my queue two (2) days after the election when i didn't have much energy at all let alone that required to answer question 4

[brick-a-doodle-do]

I finally have thought bc mermay

How about something with a giant mer in an aquarium

You see tiny mer in fishbowls/tanks but how about the giant one...

MERMAY!!! i totally forgot about that. so now i gotta write for it today which was not rlly planned but ehhhh :D this is my first time writing on tumblr so let's see how it goes. also for this i'm making the titles a line from whatever song im listening to because im lazyyy

you live life above me, and i just can't get any higher

words: 846

cw: description of sharp teeth & claws? other than that it's neutral,,

—–—

Despite his fathers’ obvious attempts to drag him along the hallway, Sapnap stayed put, with his arms crossed tightly over his torso and a grimace on his face. He was not going to the small fish, he wanted the big fish; he sees small fish all the time, so what if these are a little more human than the last?

Bad and Skeppy looked back at him, already several feet down the hallway before they realized that Sapnap’s little pitter-pattered footsteps weren’t following them.

Sapnap stayed put, against Bad’s words of encouragement and Skeppy’s already-tired-of-him gaze.

“I don’t want the small fish!” Sapnap whines.

His parent’s share a worried look.

“Sap, we think you might not like the big fish,” Bad reasons, walking to him and crouching by his side. Sapnap looks into Bad’s eyes and frowns. His brows furrow and he tries to compose his anger. Why didn’t they listen to him?

“But why not? I can handle anything, and I don’t want the stupid smaller fish,” he explains, reluctantly letting Bad undo his angry arms to hold Sapnap’s hands in his own. The touch is warming, and it cools him down almost instantly.

“We’re saying we don’t want you to be scared of them. Do you remember the sharks last year?” Skeppy adds from afar. Bad nods quickly in agreement, but it only causes Sapnap to huff, half-scoffing and half-groaning.

“I was five last year, and I liked the sharks, I never said I was scared of them. And these are real mermaids,” he tries. He doesn’t want his efforts to be lost, but that’s what it’s looking like.

Bad, after a moment of consideration and a look back at Skeppy, sighs. “We can take you, but if you get scared, you tell us, okay?”

Sapnap’s eyes light up, nodding eagerly, his raven-colored hair falling over his eyes with the motion. 

Easily, he leads the way and his parent’s follow close behind him, all the way to the end of the hall, then left into a much larger hallway with tanks that seemed  to run all around them in one big pool. Everywhere he looks there’s deeply colored and isolated waters.

Sapnap is much more at ease here, with eyes eagerly looking around the giant tunnel-like tank to try and spot a mer.

The waters seemed quiet, for a while, where Sapnap grew easily disappointed at the silence, like somehow he wasn’t worthy of seeing something. 

Bad and Skeppy talked quietly amongst themselves, and if it wasn’t for his divided attention, perhaps he would’ve heard about how supposedly aggressive these beings were.

He was halfway across the hallway before a shadow stretched over him from above, smothering him in darkness and a newfound hope. Eagerly, he looked up over him, a tail easily fivefold his size. And the top half of the mer slightly smaller but somehow the intimidation never leveling out, it was huge.

Another thing for certain was that his parents were foolishly wrong. Because as soon as the mer had come down over the side of the tank and settled in by watching the three in the tunnel, Sapnap was running to it, something of relief in him. 

“Hello!” Sapnap greets it from behind the glass, putting a hand onto the exterior of the tank. It’s cold underneath his touch, but it somehow disperses when the mer behind the glass is returning the gesture with five harsh taps against the glass tank; it’s almost like touching the mer entirely with how warm it gets.

And easily, it obscures his view to where Sapnap has to move around the hand to look at it again. Its tail was almost glowing from the deeper waters, neon-green lacing the bottom of emerald scales. His ears were a similar color, with fins flicking as Sapnap smiles at it.

It looks young, probably just a bit older than him. As it smiles at Sapnap, it bares its sharp teeth which almost glow the same green as his scales. His eyes are neon, just like everything else. And although he can’t really tell, his hair looks both blond and brunet. It’s fluffy, even from under the water as it drifts around him. 

His jaw nearly drops. It’s entrancing to watch how a creature could look so human, but so massive and alien.

The two stare at each other for a while, before the mer swims to where Sapnap stood. 

Sapnap takes a step to the left so his worldview isn’t a predator. Because even though he wasn’t scared, it was nevertheless unsettling to see sets of predatory teeth grinning at him with neon eyes to accompany him.

But, as he moves, the mer follows him.

He frowns, shaking his head while taking several steps to the left to try and keep it away.

But, almost as suspected, it follows after him.

‘Stop,’ he mouths, running in the opposite direction. 

Sure enough, the mer follows him, cutting through the water to chase after the little human who couldn’t help but smile as his new friend trailed after him.

—–—

[ultravariety]

just venting

i can't stand me or my life. i feel so empty inside. i keep thinking about killing myself and it's getting more vivid. i just don't see an escape from all of this

it's beyond hating my job, or even my living situation. i feel powerless. i feel incapable. everyone says to get through it and it's hard and i'll be fine but i'm so tired. and i don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. for any of it. don't get me started on politics, or i'll scream!!!! unless im with my friends, i am surrounded by zionists

i'm sick of all of it. my job was only good for like the first week of me having it. it has ONLY been down hill. i don't get paid enough and not a single job i've applied to has even responded, only rejections. and i can't even get real recruiters to help me. the thing that's making me SO UNCOMFORTABLE is when job apps ask your background. so many of them don't even list ethnic backgrounds in a way that's respectful. like what do you mean you have listed every east asian country but all of south asia gets lumped as one??? am i being discriminated against??? might as well say "NO BROWN PPL"

all i do is complain. everyone is going through it so i don't want to add to it. i just want something that i look forward to. i dread my home, i dread work, i started dreading my friends bc nothing is going well and i'm tired of being depressing around them.

i wish i was dead i'm so serious

to the one person who i think will read this, it's ok

don't worry about me. i'm just having a bad day/week/month/year. nothing is forever.

[rillils]

no bc like

this part of the book

EVEN AFTER ALL THAT HAD HAPPENED IN THE LAST FEW MINUTES IN THAT BOOKSHOP

HE. STILL. HAD. HOPE.

HE WAITED TO CHECK IF AZIRAPHALE MIGHTVE CHANGED HIS MIND, THAT THE PAST 6000 YEARS OF HIS LIFE WASNT ALL JUST THROWN AWAY BC OF ONE SMALL CONVERSATION

HE HOPED THAT AZIRAPHALE WASNT REALLY ACTUALLY GONNA LEAVE HIM

AND NOT EVEN NOW, HIS IMAGINATION CANT SAVE HIM

NOT NOW WHEN HE NEEDS IT THE MOST.

let me just go jump off a cliff 💕💕 i am not Okay

Oh sweetie noooo 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 Don't think about this. don't think about how this is the most hurt and lonely Crowley has felt since his Fall. definitely don't think about how this might be the first time he's ever felt so thoroughly hopeless. how for once, he can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, just the stupid fucking tunnel stretching on forever and ever in pitch darkness.

RATHER, think about the future!! think of the moment he'll be kneeling on the ground, exhausted after saving the world again, his sunglasses broken and lost sometime during the battle.

and Aziraphale's kneeling down with him, gently placing the sunglasses he just miraculously mended in Crowley's hand.

but Crowley doesn't slip them on immediately, like Aziraphale thought he would. he just looks up, battered and bruised, and takes Aziraphale in, because even after everything he can't help but drink in the sight of him.

and so what if he'll be laying himself bare again? doesn't Aziraphale already know why he's done everything he's done? hasn't he already seen the miserable, fathomless love in Crowley's eyes? he doesn't have the strength to try and hide any of that anyway, not right now, not when everything was almost gone all over again.

and so he holds the glasses in his lap, all walls down. I thought I'd lost you forever, he says softly, looking in his angel's eyes.

Aziraphale cradles his face in both hands, so tenderly it almost hurts. You cannot lose me, not ever, he says. We still have the rest of eternity to spend together, love. and Crowley falls into him, and buries his face in Aziraphale's shoulder, and they hold each other so tight and for so long, he'll think they'll never be able to part again.

AND THEN THEY MAKE OUT UNTIL THEIR LIPS FALL OFF, THE END

[nathank77]

6/2/24

3:02 a.m

As it was laundry day and I'm almost done. I also got to go into the attic my sister is going to move her junk tomorrow maybe.

I hugged my mom. I tried to wear my hoodie. But she never washes her hands. So I'm just going to use it for the attic cause I get dusty and gross up there. And whatever I wear up there needs to get washed. And I can wear it if I want to hug her tomorrow or something...

I wore it for a while but ultimately could not get in bed and let my back touch my pillows. I tried not to be avoidant. Usually I wouldn't hug her or I would and I would throw my hoodie into the laundry basket.. so not really a win with ocd but not an entire loss.

My head is pounding from hallucinating all day and being fucking tired... my tactile of my gums is driving me crazy... maybe I'll take an Ibuprofen soon.. I'm sick of taking 500 pills a day.... I'm hoping it passes soon...

Tomorrow if I don't feel like gaming I'm going to the car wash.. and I'll get my testosterone before I go- I went today but cvs appearantly closes at 6 p.m.. I walked in to a closed pharmacy.....

If I don't get my testosterone technically today I will go Monday... I'll put the car wash off at that point...

Hardcore nuketown starts this Tuesday and I'm hoping it's fun... I mean I'll give it a try and try to be hopeful. After hardcore barebones moshpit, I am not hopeful. I look more forward to barebones bc it's all the maps. Don't get me wrong I love nuketown... but it's nuketown 24/7 until Tuesday the 11th. No other maps. So variety. Don't think I don't want to play bo4 all day long from Tuesday the 4th to the 11th.. but I wish it was barebones... that's only 11 weeks away..

Anyways I'm trying to find someone. I've truly thrown in the towel on Elise. I'm just hopeful for friendship.... if it ever happens..

I mean as for online dating can't find anyone I look fucking weird without my glasses but I mean maybe that's just how I see myself. My options are wear them or don't since I'm going to be bald forever..

Beyond that I'm worried about sleeping... I'm hoping I don't have any hallucinations with mental pictures... but my life is a giant hallucination.. I'm worried about my Dr taking forever on approving xanax but I won't put the order in until the time is right cause otherwise I look like an addict and I'm the complete opposite... I'm putting it in on Monday.

I hope I sleep. I hope I find someone. I hope xanax isn't an issue. It could have been a Hypogogic hallucination... I had my eyes closed for like almost a hour... the water and noise...

Just had a flashback cause of writing that of a mental picture of me in first person looking at my phone... and then I heard call 911.... that one was really unsettling.... in November..

I'm sick of my life being one giant hallucination. I want to kill myself but I don't. I think I'm getting depression at this point. I don't do the things I love anymore bc my hallucination ruins everything... and I'm always alone and no one talks to me.

I'm going to end it all soon. I'm hoping very soon a light will shine in this very dark tunnel... cause at this point I'll never recover. Remission is shit. And I'm so fucking alone I don't want to be here anymore. My brain is so broken it isn't worth being Alive.

Maybe a girl will like me now before it's too late:

[pedriswife]

Pedri imagine on his nose injury & his gf rushing to him after the game to make sure he’s okay & the players making fun of him for it bc he’s whipped…ugh I wanted to rush to his side when I saw that i think that deserved a card but whatever (you can put smut 😉)

A/N: Anon, when I saw this, I just had to write it straight away. It defo deserved a card😭 Thank you for requesting 🫶🏼

TW: swearing, smut ;)

☆

"Son of a bitch" you swore, seeing one of the opposing team players elbow Pedri in the nose. Pedri immediately stopped chasing the ball and held his nose, clearly in pain.

You watched from the stands as he later spoke to the referee and made the decision to get off the pitch, unable to continue playing. The fans could be heard chanting his name, impressed with how he played in the game up until the injury.

Pedri sat on the bench for the rest of the game, which Brcelona ended up winning. As soon as all the boys finished the match and came through the tunnels to their changing rooms, you made sure to find your boyfriend and check on how he is doing.

You saw him walking towards the changing room, with Gavi on his side. He finally saw you from the distance and waved, signalling for you to come over. You ran up to him, arms around his neck, eyes scanning over his face for any sign of pain.

"I'm alright, princesa, it was just a small nudge," he said, seeing the worry in your eyes. You gave his nose a small kiss in response, to which he rubbed his thumb over your cheek and gave you a peck on the lips.

Around you, whistles and giggles could be heard from the other players who happened to see the encounter between you two.

"Whipped much Pedri?" Gavi asked, not used to seeing his best friend being this soft with someone. Pedri gave him a glare in return, to which Gavi immediately shut his mouth.

Finally, Pedri and the rest of the team went to change and get ready to leave. You were waiting outside for Pedri so you could finally get home.

☆

Back at home, you went straight to the kitchen to get an ice pack out of the freezer for Pedri's nose. Even though he said he was fine, you were still going to do things your way.

Being the amazing boyfriend that he is, he obliged to your ministrations without argument. Sat on the sofa, you pressed the ice pack against the bridge of his nose, Pedri's eyes piercing your soul.

"I guess I can't sit on you for a couple of days" you joked to which his eyebrows perked up, a smirk rising slowly on his face.

"There are other ways in which I can please you and you know that very well bonita," he replied, toying with the loops of your jeans.

You laughed, taking the ice pack off his face. You gave him a kiss on the lips and before he could deepen it, you broke away, leaning closer to his ear.

"Show me," you whispered, Pedri groaning in response. He kissed you, his tounge, swiping over your lips, asking for permission to enter. You obliged and ran your fingers through his hair, pulling the strands from the bottom, making Pedri gasp into your mouth.

You removed his shirt, running your hands through his his back, leaving light scratches. Pedri did the same, kissing your neck and chest in the process, leaving slight marks.

He finally got your jeans and panties off as well, cupping your ass, making you moan into the kiss. You began to grind on him, making both of you moan in unison.

His fingers now circled your core, giving you light and teasing touches, Pedri watching your face the entire time as you moved your body even closer to him. He slowly rubbed his finger against your clit, teasing, spreading your juices, enjoying how your body responded to this simple touch.

Suddenly, he stopped completely, making you whine at the loss of his fingers.

"Ride my thigh, bonita," he said, as he watched your face go from an initial shock to excitement. Truth be told, you always wanted to try this out, already making it clear to Pedri but only waiting for the right moment, which happens to be right now.

You nodded, taking off his slightly stained joggers from you being sat down on them. You got on top of his thigh, his hands remaining at your sides, his eyes watching you just as hungrily as before.

You started to slowly ride his thigh, your breath hitching at the unusual feeling. Pedri flexed his thigh, enjoying watching you use him for your own pleasure. You sped up, your moans heard throughout the room, Pedri flexing his thigh adding extra pleasure by bumping ocasionally against your clit. His thigh was now covered in your juices, and you were even closer to your high.

Seeing that you were close, he reached down, rubbing his finger against your clit and attached his mouth to one of your nipples, licking and sucking, providing you with even more stimulation.

All of this at once caused a wave of pleasure wash over you, a moan ripping from your mouth, you cumming all over Pedri's thigh.

"That's it bonita, you did so well, how about one more hm?" He whispered in your ear, his hands staying at your sides, making you continue to rub against him. You nodded, already feeling another orgasm approaching. Pedri continued to lead your body over his drenched thigh, whispering praises into your ear. He picked up the pack, bouncing his thigh more often, watching as you came undone once again, your throat raw from moaning.

He pressed more kisses onto your shoulder, murmuring a quiet "I love you," giving you time to come back to yourself after your orgasms.

After a while, he picked you up in his arms and led you to the bathroom, placing you on the counter as he gently wiped you and himself down.

"I guess you weren't wrong about knowing different ways to please me," you joked, making Pedri shake his head.

"This was just the first one. You didn't really think we were finished?" He asked, a cocky smile plastered on his face, watching the shock form on your face.

This was going to be a long night...

[aphantasia-culture]

just found this account and as a community starved aphantasiac (i made a whole ass post about it on my blog sometime last month i think) i was so excited to see people having conversations about it here!

i'm a generally creative person and love DnD, so i'm sure i will inevitably send in future asks about how aphantasia affects me in those regards but like, omg the driving directions thing in your topic suggestion post—like, that and having a shitty autobiographical memory have probably been the biggest issues for me in trying to navigate the world while having aphantasia.

i've lived in the same city my entire life (except for college), and i can't tell you where jack or shit is. spoken directions mean nothing to me. i know how to get to like, five places from my childhood home without google maps and that's it, and most of those are walkable distances with only one or two turns. the other ones, i could not actually give you the directions to unless i'm on the road. it literally took me until months after getting my driver's license to realize that two grocery stores i'd been going to for literally a decade were right across the street from each other and also just a block from a strip mall that's just a block from my great grandma's house—and when i excitedly shared this revelation with my parents, they teased me about it because yeah, obviously those places are all close together, how have you never noticed that before?

not being able to form mental maps made me so self conscious growing up, like, a friend's parent would try to take me home from an event and i couldn't tell them how to get to my house even though every other kid could direct the parents to their house, and it crushed my little perfectionist heart that i was so bad at something everyone else did so easily? and then i found out about aphantasia and while thinking about it one day i was like, oh, i'm not actually stupid, i'm just operating at a severe disadvantage in this arena! i literally cannot access the cheat code everyone else uses to make this so easy! it was such a huge relief 😮‍💨

i could probably go on but this is already a very long ask. if you have similar struggles and want to just bitch about them with someone for awhile, my inbox is open! :)

Yesssssss send all the DND asks. Struggling to explain what I needed help with to be able to play DND is part of the reason I created this blog.

I can't drive any newish places without a GPS, and I've been in and out of this area my whole life. I can't even get to the library without gps even tho I've been there before, bc it is surrounded by one way streets and that is just too much for me to keep track of mentally.

I've lost appointments to new places bc they didn't have a map of their college campus size facilities, and no matter what I said, they couldn't understand that Google maps wouldn't be enough.

I had the worst meltdown I've had in years just trying to vote, back in August, bc of how convoluted the organization of voting places is. I ended up wandering around in 3 different places all across town for almost 2 hours only to end up at a place that was 5-6 blocks from my apartment.

I am constantly surprised at how close things are together. Like everything is separate in my mind. Like unless they have the same street on their address, or I have to regularly go to both on the same trip, I will not make the connection.

I have a sneaking suspicion that many of my family has aphantasia but I'll probably never tell them bc that would mean talking to them again.

But like probably almost half, bc it was just common sense that certain people could not be trusted with finding their way anywhere, and so would be at least 20 minutes late to everything. These family members would be described as

"they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag. the light at the end of the tunnel would confuse them as to which way was out"

So yeah, I'm starved for aphantasia community too.