#i can't just act like everything is normal and i don't want to let them back in just for it to happen again

[crepesuzette2023]

Hi, do you have any recs for fics in which paul just gives in and lets john go? Like, he just gives john the space he wants?

Hi! This is a great ask. I assume you mean a story where Paul actually lets John go, because John actually wants space—not a painful "I'm dying inside, but if this is what he wants, and anyway, I'm not a girl, so it's not as if I could..."/"Fight for me me, Paul, tell me you want me and I'll forget Yoko and go down on you right here, with MLH's camera trained on us! No, don't get married, wtf"--scenario...?

...And, I admit, I'm mostly blanking on this one. But I think it would make for a great and unusual story. Done well, it could be the credible version of "Army Buddies," and the wholesome alternative to "Leader John dumps Paul for Yoko." If it hasn't been written yet, I hope someone will.

As a McLennon fan, I would obviously prefer for this very act of generous surrender—If you love someone, set them free—to eventually lead to a sizzling, middle-aged reunion of two cool, swishy eccentrics...*blinks innocently*

The story I could think of that comes closest to what you're asking for is Get a Job, Cop! by @javelinbk. It's set in 1969, and ends with John and Paul deciding to move on, but they do so without leaving behind scorched earth. It's sad, but...peaceful, in the end? And it's from Paul's POV.

Another story I had to think of is Coast Starlight by bookofapril (Paul/Robert Fraser in the 70's.) First of all, this is a stellar fic and deserves a million reads and comments and kudos, so go there and read it, no matter what. Yes, "it's not a pairing I normally read," fine, but, you know, in select cases excellence trumps everything, and this story is one of them. But I also, truly, think it fits the ask in a way, because it shows a Paul who has truly moved on from John, and found his own way of being and making music and making love in the world. It's a wonderful "love after love" story that feels absolutely believable. If John's well-being is your main concern, it sounds as if he's living his best life, too, so no worries there. It's mostly the world who can't accept the break-up.

Finally, if anyone reading this can think of a fic fitting this excellent ask, please add it and reblog! Thank you!

[zorthania]

A piece about survivors guilt.

This comic isn't perfect. I started it back in October 2023, and every time I picked up my pen, I wept.

I bring this to you today, on 9/11, in hopes that you reflect on this day a little differently than how most Americans would. Let it move you to continue to boycott, protest and challenge your family, friends and colleagues. You have a bigger impact than you would believe.

Thank you for reading this with an open heart.

From the river to the sea...

I'd like to bring to attention the fact that the figures depicted above are a gross undercount of the actual number of deaths. I scoured the internet high and low to source my findings and not a single one could break down the devastation that befell an individual ethnicity. Instead, they lumped a bunch of ethnicities together, provided a general timeline, and called it a day, reinforcing the sheer scale of dehumanization propagated in the west. The only consistency between all the articles I looked up was the 4.5 to 4.7 million figure I've included above, and even then, they were all published by western media news outlets... the very same that have been so unreliable and complicit in the genocide of Palestinians today. So I have to take everything they say with a grain of salt.

We are not just numbers.

All of us have ambitions and desires and lives worth living.

With that said, this is your friendly reminder to:

Donate an e-sim

Donate to PCRF to provide Palestinian children aid

Donate to Pious Projects to provide woman with feminine hygiene kits

Donate to CareForGaza to provide food to displaced families in Gaza either through their Gofundme or their paypal

Donate to any of the vetted gofundme campaigns on GazaFunds to help Palestinians trying to flee Gaza.

And if you or someone you know sees or experiences a hate crime and can afford it, SUE. This is a more effective use of your money than most realise. The reason zionists act with impunity is because of the normalization of white supremacy and oppression of ethnic minorities. Challenging that in any capacity tells them that there are consequences to their actions and makes them think twice before engaging in hate crimes and helps raise all of us up against the systems currently in place that let them get away with it.

If you can't donate or spend any money, you can:

Do your daily clicks.

Boycott targeted companies on the BDS list (if you're like me and you don't want a single dollar to go towards anything supporting Israel right now, you can use Bdnaash to double check what products are okay to buy, but the BDS list is sufficient as it is a strategic attack and proven very effective thus far)

Flood your representatives emails and voicemails with how you won't be voting for them unless their politics align with an immediate ceasefire in Gaza.

Attend a protest, be LOUD.

Challenge your circle of friends, family and colleagues with conversations about Palestine. (THIS IS THE MOST UNDERRATED AND MOST EFFECTIVE THING YOU CAN DO)

and if you're really up to, be disruptive in any capacity that you can think of towards major corporations benefiting from this onslaught. (i.e. halting military manufacturers from production + shipments, sticking boycott stickers on products at your market etc)

And finally, if your country wasn't mentioned in the above excerpt, it was no deliberate omission on my part and I encourage you to come forward and tell your story about the suffering of your people so that this may be a learning opportunity for everyone.

You are seen.

You are not alone.

Thank you again if you've read this far.

From the river to the sea...

[mooshkat]

this message is fucking haunting me

[prokopetz]

I think a lot of folks in indie RPG spaces misunderstand what's going on when people who've only ever played Dungeons & Dragons claim that indie RPGs are categorically "too complicated". Yes, it's sometimes the case that they're making the unjustified assumption that all games are as complicated as Dungeons & Dragons and shying away from the possibility of having to brave a steep learning cure a second time, but that's not the whole picture.

A big part of it is that there's a substantial chunk of the D&D fandom – not a majority by any means, but certainly a very significant minority – who are into D&D because they like its vibes or they enjoy its default setting or whatever, but they have no interest in actually playing the kind of game that D&D is... so they don't.

Oh, they'll show up at your table, and if you're very lucky they might even provide their own character sheet (though whether it adheres to the character creation guidelines is anyone's guess!), but their actual engagement with the process of play consists of dicking around until the GM tells them to roll some dice, then reporting what number they rolled and letting the GM figure out what that means.

Basically, they're putting the GM in the position of acting as their personal assistant, onto whom they can offload any parts of the process of play that they're not interested in – and for some players, that's essentially everything except the physical act of rolling the dice, made possible by the fact most of D&D's mechanics are either GM-facing or amenable to being treated as such.*

Now, let's take this player and present them with a game whose design is informed by a culture of play where mechanics are strongly player facing, often to the extent that the GM doesn't need to familiarise themselves with the players' character sheets and never rolls any dice, and... well, you can see where the wires get crossed, right?

And the worst part is that it's not these players' fault – not really. Heck, it's not even a problem with D&D as a system. The problem is D&D's marketing-decreed position as a universal entry-level game means that neither the text nor the culture of play are ever allowed to admit that it might be a bad fit for any player, so total disengagement from the processes of play has to be framed as a personal preference and not a sign of basic incompatibility between the kind of game a player wants to be playing and the kind of game they're actually playing.

(Of course, from the GM's perspective, having even one player who expects you to do all the work represents a huge increase to the GM's workload, let alone a whole group full of them – but we can't admit that, either, so we're left with a culture of play whose received wisdom holds that it's just normal for GMs to be constantly riding the ragged edge of creative burnout. Fun!)

* Which, to be clear, is not a flaw in itself; a rules-heavy game ideally needs a mechanism for introducing its processes of play gradually.

[tellafairy]

thoughts on shifting + manifesting with ease. (as someone who's shifted many times, alongside manifesting)

coming back to this side of tumblr after spending years away from it has made me realized how many of you are truly the problem, it might sound kinda harsh but really. so many of you ask the same questions over and over again.. "but HOW do i do it?" "how do i shift" "how do i manifest" JUST DO IT. stop looking for signs, stop looking for methods or "cheat codes". just do it man.

your mind is so powerful and it actually kinda irritates me how many of you doubt it, just because it "seems to easy". you don't understand how you've been manipulated by society to not see your power. how have you been on loa social media, shifting social media, for soooo long — yet still don't see it?? let me tell you..

the moment i got off social media, the moment i took time to erase everything in my head and stop overthinking everything, was the moment everything came to me. i already had it, i just needed to stop telling myself i didn't.

it took me barely any time to get used to convincing myself i had everything i wanted, i shifted to my desired realities, and everything worked out in my favour. AFFIRMING IS ALL YOU NEED. I AM YELLING AT YOU. JUST AFFIRM.

really, please, affirm. the routine is so simple.

1. any bad thought is instantly turned positive.

ex: "i really want her waist"

to

"am i stupid ... i have her waist.. tbh mine even looks a little better.. am i crazy?? like actually? this must be a glitch or something cause my waist is practically identical to hers.. i literally love my waist"

exaggerate, say what you need to say to erase the negativity.

2. it's yours, so act like it..

ex: talk about ur DR normally. it's your reality, not a fantasy land you made up in a dream. ITS REAL. it's a reality. for example, i'd watch videos of my s/o in this reality, and speak about our lives in my dr. "i can't wait to see __ tonight... god i love __, it's so nice hanging out with them everyday.. wow they look so pretty in this video — i'm so lucky their mine". it's natural, they're yours aren't they? exactly, so act like it.. this is used the exact same way when manifesting..

you see someone with something you want? thinking of something you wanna do? something you wanna be? ... it's urs... so can you act like it?? like whyre u feeling sad someone else got a job promotion 😹😹 you literally got a better one ...

3. that's literally it

you don't need a fancy method (although it can give u some peace of mind.. let's be real, a lot of methods set y'all back and make you overwhelmed, blocking ur beliefs and making everything seem harder). you literally just need to live. tell yourself it's done, over and over again. nothing matters. it's done, it's yours, you have it, you're happy and fulfilled. other peoples sucess should really mean nothing to you negatively. it shouldn't make you stressed, shouldn't make you feel behind.. why would it when you have everything, you can do everything, go anywhere, and you can be anything.

it'll seem like manifesting blogs and shifting blogs just repeat the same things.. which is true, they do, because i'm telling you there's nothing more to it than what you've already read. it is that easy. all it takes is your mind. decide, and tell yourself.

as i said before, it took me barely anytime to switch my mindset once i actually started focusing on myself, my journey and not every body else's results. repeating stuff to yourself WORKS. repeating is literally ALL i did. choose what i want, told myself it's mine in any way i could describe it. and there, it's mine. ive shifted to many different realities, along side gaining a better life in this one after years of convincing myself there was nothing for me. if i can break out of the cycle, trust me you can too. i cannot describe how desperate i was at the beginning, how long i took in false info and wasted time on methods all while doubting every single thing.

so why don't you believe it? you'll sit there and tell yourself over and over again that you're ugly, or broke, or friendless... but you won't tell urself that you've shifted? that you have your dream body...? girl okay i guess....

once you realize nothing besides your mind truly matters, is when you'll be free with yourself. circumstances don't matter, past feelings don't matter, doubts don't matter, your mind is all you need.

yes this is just loa explained longer, that's the point of the post because some of u still can't get it in ur heads

[dovveri]

upskill from student to parent

synopsis: one of your students has the most obvious crush on you, but you have the most obvious crush on his mother.

warnings: swearing? maybe idek AHAHA

w/c: 6.9k

a/n: kind of an homage to my fav person on this app @miinatozakiii ‘s first published work the kindergarten teacher sana 🙂‍↕️ happy late one year anniversary babe 🥰

⋆✐ೀ⋆

“alright kids, don't forget i'm seeing most of your parents tonight so if you want to make a good impression, you better start doing your homework because i know most of you don't!"

there are collective groans across the classroom as they pack up their things and leave, thanking you as they head out the door to their next period.

you giggle, recalling the days you were a student in their position, you rarely did your math homework as well.

"ms. l/n?"

you look up from your desk with a smile.

"i- um- i just wanted to s-say- thank you for this lesson. i was really- um- struggling with derivatives when you introduced them last time but you made it really clear this class."

you beam, appreciating the feedback, "that's great to hear hideki! if you have any more trouble in the future please be sure to let me know, i'll be happy to set up bonus small group classes or even individual sessions if you guys need the help."

"t-thanks ms. l/n. that's really nice of you."

"it's my job hideki." you smile, "did you need any help with anything else?"

he shakes his head shyly, hand at the back of his neck, "that was all! thanks again miss!"

"no worries, i'll see you tonight?"

he agrees happily, darting out the door with his cheeks flushed.

it wasn't the first time a student had had a crush on you. it was normally harmless. some of them had tried to confess to you over the years, usually waiting until after they graduated because they thought it’d be okay if you no longer had a student-teacher relationship. some of them would confess while you were still their teacher regardless, those were a little tougher because you had to continue teaching them and watch them pout and lose motivation to do their schoolwork and act awkward around you, no longer wanting to participate in class or ask questions if they didn’t understand something. you’d try to let them down gently, and if you noticed they were struggling with coursework, you’d pull them aside or ask another one of the teachers to check in on them.

most of the time though, they were just simple little crushes that would pass with time or after they moved out of your class. you didn't entertain them but it was cute seeing your students in their awkward teen years discovering feelings for the first time.

you stretch, yawning, but yelp when someone's finger jabs into your exposed armpit.

there's a burst of laughter and you frown, staring at the intruder.

"really nayeon?"

the english teacher rolls her eyes with a cheeky grin, "saw hideki on the way out. did he give you that confession note?"

"what confession note?"

nayeon hops a little, a hand covering her mouth, "oh shit."

you narrow your eyes. "tell me."

she grins, not really apologetic for having accidentally spilt her student’s secret, "saw him decorating a card and everything in english class today. his grammar was a little off so i just helped him correct it a little. oh ms. l/n. how i wish to be able to call you by your first name. how i wish to be able to hold you and-" she puts on an exaggerated romeo-like voice and pose, back of her hand coming up to her forehead.

you stand up, slapping her lightly with a blush, "why did you encourage him?!"

she shrugs with a laugh, "i'm an english teacher. gotta make sure the kids are using the language right even if it's for illicit love notes."

you huff, packing up your desk and getting ready to go to lunch, "can't he find a nice girl his age to be in love with? i'm sure he has so many options since he's the star player of the school basketball team and everything."

"something about you attracts the kiddies y/n."

you scrunch your nose, "ew. that sounds gross. i don't even like younger men."

"women?"

"no preference. just someone in the same life stage y'know?"

"wait should i be offended? how come no student has ever confessed to me? aren't english teachers supposed to be like a gay girl's awakening?"

you laugh, ignoring the woman's question, dragging her out of your classroom and to lunch together before you both have to attend to your kids again.

⋆✐ೀ⋆

you enjoyed your job, but parent-teacher interviews were probably your least favourite part of it. if you wanted to deal with parents all day you'd have become a primary school teacher.

there were all kinds of them, some who didn't show up, some who didn't care, some who cared too much, some who were clueless, and some who thought they could do your job better than you.

you rub your temples, grateful for the little 5 minute break you're afforded in between quick 10 minute interviews that would normally go on for longer than that. you blink around the room, the other mathematics teachers gathered in the same classroom, nayeon was down the hall with the other english teachers. you were the youngest of them all, there was a pretty big shortage of secondary mathematics teachers across the country, so it meant maths teachers were putting off retirement for longer so they can continue to support kids, but it still left a lot of gaps that could be filled to give your students the best education they deserved.

you've dazed off enough that you barely register hideki almost bounding in, still in his basketball uniform from after-school practice.

he grins, sliding into the seat opposite yours, "hi ms. l/n!"

you return the smile, "hey hideki." even though you knew about his obvious crush on you, he was still one of your favourite students, maybe it was because he had the crush on you that he was more eager to follow instructions and to prove himself and ask questions whenever he was confused that made him one of the easiest to teach.

and then a woman in a sleek beige coat next to hideki catches your attention. your gaze flicks over to hers. and it can't seem to break away.

she's the most beautiful human being you've ever laid your eyes on. her hair is dyed an autumn brown, wavy locks tucked behind ears, expensive gold jewelry adorning her neck, ears, hands. her eyes match the colour of her hair, a deep fawn brown you could stare into for hours. she's got the most perfect nose you've ever seen, you almost itched to measure it, find the angle of it, the way it led to her pretty lips, full and parted, inviting, pulling you in. and then you realise they're curling up slightly, and you snap your eyes back up to hers to see a mirthful glint in them.

you cough, blushing brightly, "h-hello mrs. hayashi."

"just sana is fine. minatozaki sana. i never married hideki’s father." her voice is silky smooth, there's a certain drawl to it too, it makes you want to listen to her voice on repeat, teasing out every inflection in tone.

you can feel your blush reaching the tips of your ears, "o-oh sorry! i didn't know i apologise!"

sana laughs, it's bright and airy, you don't think you've heard anything purer. "nothing to be sorry about. we broke up a long time ago. when hideki was still very young."

you nod, deciding you can't continue staring at her or you may just faint, so you look down at your files, shuffling them around with no purpose, just to give your hands something to do.

"so how's hideki doing in class?" you can hear the smirk in her voice, her attentive eyes watching as you fumble around.

"he's um- very good- he always makes sure to ask questions whenever he's stuck on anything, and he's probably one of my only students who keeps up with his homework."

"well that's good isn't it deki? what were you so nervous for?" sana teases her son as he blushes, mumbling something under his breath.

you speak up again, "nothing to be nervous about. hideki is one of my best students, he keeps up very well despite his extra curriculars."

sana snorts, "i wish we could say the same about his other subjects. it seems maths is the only thing he tries in."

"mom!"

"what? you heard what your english teacher said. you need to spend some more time editing your own work than you do shooting hoops."

you laugh, "i'm sure his english is alright. nayeon can be a pretty harsh teacher."

sana looks at you again with an eyebrow raised, you quickly look away. "just wait until you read some of his work ms. l/n. you'll be surprised."

hideki blushes again, deciding he won't be giving you that love confession note he has in his bag after all.

"is there anything else i can do for him then? any particular areas he may be struggling in or any recommendations of what we can implement at home to make sure his maths marks stay consistent?"

"homework really. maths is a very practical subject so the more practice he gets the better grasp he'll have. especially with strange or out-of-the-box questions exams may throw at him; it helps a lot if he's practiced with as many question varieties as possible, most people are going to get those 1 or 2 markers, but the bigger questions that really need you to apply the concepts you learn are where you'll start to see distinctions between the students that just study and the students that really have the aptitude and patience for mathematics."

"never was me." sana jokes.

you smile, still avoiding her gaze, your cheeks pink, "i'm sure you would have been a prize student ms. minatozaki."

"just sana." she has a teasing smile on her face.

"r-right. sana."

it's quiet for a few seconds, hideki looks between his mother and you, squinting a little in confusion.

sana coughs, beginning to stand and holding out a hand, "well it was nice meeting you ms. l/n. i can finally understand why hideki goes on and on about his gorgeous maths teacher."

"mom!"

you blush again, taking her hand, almost melting at how soft it felt against yours, forcing yourself to meet her eyes again to be polite. you have to bring your other hand to hold your wrist when you shake it, to support your jelly-like arm in her presence. "it was nice meeting you too sana."

she tightens her grip, smirking a little, "i hope this won't be the last i'll be seeing you. have a good night."

and with that she's off, hideki whining and complaining next to her about how she's embarassed him. it was a little funny considering their height difference, hideki was a basketball player so he had to be tall for his sport, and sana was just a few centimetres shorter than you, though her aura commanded attention, her posture was perfect, you're caught staring at the slight sway in her hips as she walks away, but you quickly reprimand yourself, blushing even brighter at having realised you were just checking out your student's parent.

god she had your mind a mess, and you had a feeling it wouldn't be the last time for this to happen.

⋆✐ೀ⋆

you were so out of your comfort zone. you barely knew anything about basketball. but nayeon just had to drag you to be co-supervisors for your school's basketball team since you didn’t have the funds for a real P.E. teacher. even worse, the parent volunteer just happened to be minatozaki sana, the parent you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since your first meeting with her weeks ago.

nayeon noticed your odd behaviour immediately of course. so being the annoyingly loveable best friend she was, she made herself scarce, herding the kids away with every opportunity and trying to get you and sana alone as much as possible.

that’s how you were now stuck with the woman of your dreams, sharing a hotel room in the place you were staying for the duration of the games.

“are you sure you don’t want me to get another room? the individual room was originally supposed to be meant for you- i can’t believe nayeon let herself get sick and stole it from you.”

sana giggles, plopping down her weekend bag. “it’s alright ms. l/n. i don’t mind sharing rooms with a pretty woman like you.”

you blushed brightly. that was the other problem with sana. she was a flirt. every chance she got she’d make some sort of teasing remark on the way here, or brush a little too close than what was acceptable for friends, and you were barely even friends.

“j-just y/n is fine. i feel weird if someone my age is calling me by my last name like that.”

“how do you know i’m your age?” she smirks.

“o-oh! i just- i mean- i- i’m in my early 30s and you look quite young and but hideki is already 16 so i just assumed um-“

she laughs again, “thank you for the compliment. you’re right. i had hideki when i was 19. his dad promised to take care of him, provide for us, y’know… all the works. he couldn’t take it and left not even a year into hideki’s life. i ended up having to drop out of university and learn to balance work and a baby. my parents weren't any good either, said it was my fault for getting knocked up so early in my life and that i should've been prepared for the consequences."

you perch on the end of your bed, listening attentively while she unpacks her things, "i'm sorry you had to go through that."

she shrugs, "made me who i am today. and plus i have hideki now. and he'll always have me. what about you? any kids? partner?"

you blush as she turns back to you, copying your stance and sitting on her bed facing you. "no. i’ve always been around kids so there’s not exactly a ton of romantic prospects.” you joke.

sana laughs, “what about nayeon?”

you cringe immediately, “ew gross no. we’re just friends. there aren’t that many young teachers that aren’t already married and who aren’t spread all over the country so nayeon and i easily clicked because we’re similar in age and single. not that it’s difficult to get along with the older teachers there’s just some things that we’ll be able to do that they might not necessarily want to anymore… like drink or whatever.”

“are you looking for anyone then?” there’s a smirk on sana’s face that you know can only mean she’s up to no good.

“u-um- well- i mean- uh- like if it comes it comes i’m not actively looking for it. i’m happy with the kids even if i die old and alone because there’s always going to be more kids to teach so i’m never really going to be alone unless i quit or get fired.”

“i really admire teachers y’know. you can take care of a classroom of kids and offer them knowledge when someone like my ex boyfriend couldn’t even handle one child.”

while you were talking, you didn’t even notice that sana had moved onto your bed, sitting next to you, shoulders touching, eyes peering into yours.

you chuckle awkwardly, “w-well i’m actually not that great with younger kids.”

sana frowns, “don’t do that. bringing yourself down to defend a shitty man are both things i don’t want to hear. from what i’ve seen, you love your job and you really care about your kids. you should be proud of that. teachers don’t get enough of the appreciation they should.”

“t-thank you sana.”

“of course.”

it’s quiet after that, and more than awkward. you have no idea where to look, suddenly conscious of her body pressed against yours, fiddling with your hands, feeling sweat build up.

sana just watches you with a glint in her eye, observing all of your actions.

she breaks the tension that seemingly came out of nowhere first, “how do you feel about me?”

your eyes widen, not expecting such a straightforward question, “s-sorry?”

“you’re nervous. do i make you nervous y/n?”

your blush was pretty much permanently fixed on your face now.

“u-um-“

“it’s okay if i do. i just hope it's for the right reasons." she pouts. it's criminal. "you'd tell me if there was something else right?"

"r-right! yes of course yes-"

"good. so you're nervous because you find me attractive?" her pout morphs into a smirk within nanoseconds.

"um- i-"

"you said you'd tell me if it was something else remember?" and then she's straight back into a pout. it was giving you whiplash, the change in expressions, dizzying you.

"um- i- yes- you are- yes you are very pretty and-"

"so you want to kiss me?"

"um-!"

sana finally lets you go, laughing brightly and moving away to give you some space before you burst or melted.

"just joking y/n. i'm sorry you're just too easy to tease and your reactions are adorable!"

you can breathe again, the oxygen finally reaching your brain now that sana wasn't so close to you, and your lips turn downward, imitating her pout from earlier, "sana!"

she continues laughing, going back to unpacking her things while you collect yourself and think just how you were going to survive the two days away sharing a room with the potential love of your life who also happened to be a massive tease.

⋆✐ೀ⋆

thankfully, the rest of the night was pretty uneventful. you checked in on all the boys, made sure they had all had dinner and weren't planning anything irresponsible like a party behind your backs or anything. you also checked in on nayeon who in your professional opinion, looked absolutely fine, having ordered room service and was in one of the hotel robes with her feet kicked up enjoying a face mask and a bottle of wine all to herself.

sana also didn't try anything else when you retired to your own hotel room after doing the rounds on the boys' rooms again to make sure they were all in bed and getting the rest they needed before their game tomorrow. you're not sure if you were grateful or disappointed she didn't, but you quickly pushed her out of your mind, needing to rest as well before having to wake up early to take all the kids to the stadium.

you're knocking loudly on the last room you were meant to check on, annoyed the boys were taking so long, you were all meant to meet in the lobby 10 minutes ago for your bus to the stadium.

when you sigh, prepared to rap your knuckles against the door again, it falls away, revealing a distressed hideki and his roommate for the trip.

"ms. l/n! i'm so sorry we're late eric had some trouble um-" he looks behind him, "we're pretty much ready now! just got to grab some last minute stuff and-" he leaves the door open, continuing his ramble while you cross your arms, tapping your foot impatiently, watching the boys run around the room collecting last minute things and throwing them into gym bags.

by the time they're almost done, sana's snuck up behind you, peeking over your shoulder.

"deki! what are you doing? are you the one holding everyone up? what kind of example are you setting for your team if the team captain's late?"

you jump at her voice, not having noticed her standing right behind you. you turn, admiring her side profile, she's got her hair up today, but still looks as expensive as the first time you saw her.

hideki blushes at his mom yelling at him, picking up his pace a little and jabbing eric, telling him to hurry up.

sana notices you staring at her and turns with a smile, "hi y/n. missed you this morning."

you fluster immediately, snapping your eyes away, "u-um sorry! i uh- got up early and didn't want to wake you and decided to get breakfast early on my own before making sure all the kids were awake."

she pouts, "you should've woken me. we could've had breakfast together."

"s-sorry i'll remember for next time."

"next time? you planning on waking up next to me again y/n?"

you can hear the teasing tone in her voice without needing to look at her, "i meant tomorrow! tomorrow morning."

sana giggles next to your ear, relenting when hideki and eric finally finish up, slightly out of breath when they come up to you, hideki apologising to you profusely, almost bowing down in the hotel hallway while holding all his heavy gym bags before you stop him, embarrassed enough by his mother watching the interaction closely with a curious glint in her eyes.

by the time you get downstairs nayeon already has most of the kids on the bus, reprimanding the two late boys again before letting them go and telling them to get on the bus as well. she had claimed her sickness was miraculously cured overnight, and that all she needed was a good night's sleep in a hotel room by herself.

she had teased both you and sana, asking sana innocently if she'd want to change rooms again now that she wasn't sick, but sana had said it'd be too much work and she didn't mind sharing a room with you anyway. nayeon elbowed you making an exaggerated show of her eyebrows wriggling around when sana wasn't looking, winking and looking all too satisfied with herself. you ignored her, strutting ahead and onto the bus, crossing your arms and pouting.

sana comes up next, giggling at you and plopping down on the seat next to yours. thankfully, the bus ride to the stadium wouldn't take long this time, the ride here was almost 5 hours long, and sana had taken a liking to sleeping on your shoulder almost the entire way there. you were stiff and couldn't wait to fall into bed when nayeon pulled her sick move and ruined your plans of being able to relax, not possible in the presence of the other woman.

the kids are rowdy and energetic, hyping each other up on the bus. you have to tell them to quieten down a few times but you let them get away with most of what they do, smiling at the sight of them so eager for their game.

when you arrive, nayeon's the first to stand, using her loud voice and commanding attention, her voice that should've been at least a little hoarse from her apparent sickness yesterday.

"alright! remember you're representing your school district now! and you're sharing this space with other people so i don't want to hear you guys as loud as you were on this bus okay? i won't hesitate to bench anyone who fools around too much and that means you won't get to play and you'd have come all this way for nothing understand?"

nayeon really was strict as a teacher, but you knew she loved her job as much as you did.

the kids nod, determined to be good, adrenaline running from the excitement of almost getting to the court.

you step off the bus first, talking to the bus driver and letting them know when they can come back and pick you guys up to go back to the hotel. then the kids are hopping off the bus one by one, and you're making sure they don't run off or do anything stupid while waiting for everyone to assemble.

by the time the team is actually on the court and warming up, you're almost as excited as them, the atmosphere of the stadium hyping you up, sitting on the sidelines with towels and water bottles ready for their breaks. you had tried to study up a little on what exactly went on in basketball, the rules and the basics, the kids may not have a coach but you still wanted to be as supportive as you could even though your job only required you to supervise them safely between the venues and the hotel.

"have you come to a lot of these games?" you ask sana mindlessly, watching as the boys start doing practice shots and drills.

"yeah. i try to go to as many of deki's things as i can."

"that's very sweet. it's really good for the kids, when the parents show up to things they work hard for."

sana hums. "i try."

"he's lucky to have you."

"i think he may appreciate you a little more though." she teases, bumping shoulders with you.

you laugh, "he'll get over it. they all do."

"this has happened before?"

you shrug, "i swear i don't do anything out of the ordinary. maybe i'm just nicer than nayeon."

"so your type obviously isn't kids. what is it?" sana teases.

you blush, "i don't know. i don't really have one i think."

"oh come on. everyone says that. tell me the truth. i won't judge i promise."

you roll your eyes, smiling, "well... i think at this point in my life i just want someone who wants to settle down. i'm not that young anymore and i've already achieved what i wanted in my career so all i really want now is someone to share the rest of my life with."

"boring! c'mon gimme the juicy stuff. like personality, physical attributes." she pokes you with a grin on her face as well.

"fine fine. i guess when it comes to women i tend to like slightly older women, extroverted, good with kids obviously, i don't reaaaally care for all the physical stuff but probably someone around my height i guess."

"stand up for me."

you do as she asks, confused, then she stands up as well, stepping in almost eye-to-eye. you flush immediately. she brings her hand to measure the top of her head, knocking it against your forehead.

then she smirks, "so i'm pretty much your type then?"

you stutter, falling backwards and back into your seat, mumbling incoherently. sana giggles, sitting back down as well.

"if it's any consolation, my type in women tends to be slightly taller, good with kids, a little awkward, gets flustered easily, but loves her job."

you blink at her, still processing her words when the buzzer sounds signaling the start of the game.

sana winks, then turns her attention to the game, cheering on your school's team as they get in starting position. nayeon jogs over to join you both on the sideline bench, cheering as well. you put your muddled thoughts aside to focus on being there for the kids, but sana's confession? was it even a confession? never left the back of your mind.

⋆✐ೀ⋆

your school won. the boys are ecstatic, clapping each other on the back, streamers are thrown, the crowd is wild, loving the game they witnessed.

eventually, the stadium clears out while the boys cooldown. the janitors come and kick everyone off the floor soon enough, the kids still whooping and parading around their championship trophy, taking pictures with smiles all around.

you smile fondly as well, watching them leave the stadium, so proud of themselves. but then there's a cough behind you, and you turn, surprised to see hideki still there, not leading his team off on their victory lap.

"you okay hideki?"

the boy blushes, rubbing the back of his neck shyly, still in his team uniform, sweat running down his body.

"i um- i was actually wondering if we could talk?"

you frown, immediately concerned, "yeah of course. what's up?"

his eyes flit around, making sure the stadium is pretty much empty except for the janitors cleaning up after the game. and then he looks back at you, you're struck then how much he looks like sana, he has her nose, her eyes, you never noticed before but after spending more time with sana, you can start to see parts of her in her son.

he clears his throat again, obviously nervous, wringing his hands out, "u-um- so i promised myself that if we won this game, i'd finally be truthful to both myself and you. so um- ms. l/n... i think i'm in love with you!" he bows deeply with his confession.

you stand there, slightly in shock despite knowing about his feelings for a long time now. and then you feel terrible, having to reject him on what was supposed to be one of the highlights of his high school experience.

you tap his shoulder lightly, non-verbally asking him to straighten up, he flinches at the touch, eyes fierce when they meet yours.

"hideki... i'm sorry. i don't feel the same way about you. you're my student, i care about all of you equally, but never as more than a student."

his face breaks your heart, you see sana in him, it's almost like you made sana cry.

"is it my age? what if i graduated? would you be interested in me after i graduated?" he's desperate, reaching for any possibility where you could return his feelings.

you shake your head, offering a gentle smile, "i'm sorry hideki. i know you'll find the right person for you one day though. that person just isn't going to be me."

his head droops down, hair coming to cover his eyes as he stares down at his shoes, trying to hide his tears. "i understand. thank you for taking the time to listen to me ms. l/n. i'll get out of your hair now." and then he's jogging off behind you towards the exit.

you sigh, turning around, surprised to see sana there, frowning when she sees hideki in tears approaching her.

she looks between him and you in confusion, but hideki reaches her first. she cups his face, asking him what happened, but he refuses to speak, and sana brings him down into her hugging him and patting his back.

she glances at you then, still frowning. your heart sinks, not sure what sorts of conclusions she could be drawing, but knowing right now, it looked like you had said or done something that made her son cry.

she leads him away, you ache to tell her what really happened, but you know you should keep your distance for the sake of your student right now, you just pray sana doesn't think of you any differently.

⋆✐ೀ⋆

the rest of the day goes by in a blur. the boys go out for celebratory dinner. they notice their captain is a lot more down than usual, and they try cheering him up, playing games at dinner, laughing and teasing each other, but nothing seems to be working.

you couldn't help but feel a little guilty, and sana hadn't spoken to you since the game. you're not sure if it's on purpose or if she's just busy keeping the kids entertained and checking on hideki every once in a while, but not wanting to smother him with all his friends around. he doesn't seem to mind though, in fact he only responds to sana, even when his friends try and include him he stays quiet, picking at his food aimlessly.

when you get back to the hotel, you give a speech about how they shouldn't sleep too late even though you could understand their excitement still remaining from winning the championships, they still had to get up early tomorrow so you could take the bus back home. nayeon would normally give the speech since she was a little more threatening than you, but she was also currently wasted, having gone a little too hard on the celebrations with the boys. she was currently leaning on you, almost dozing off as you rattled off instructions and rules before sending them all off to their rooms.

sana's gone with them before you can speak to her, so you sigh, wrapping an arm around nayeon's waist and helping your friend back to her own room, setting her in bed and pulling the covers up, turning off the lights and leaving a cup of water next to her bedside for when she wakes up later.

you feel nervous going back to your own room, unsure of what sana thinks of you now.

you open the door, almost grateful to hear the shower on, indicating the other woman was cleaning herself up.

you anxiously start packing your things up, cleaning around the room a little and grabbing clothes for your shower.

the shower turns off and your heart rate increases tenfold. you still have some time before she comes out though, so you continue to busy yourself, cleaning anything and everything.

"y/n?"

you turn quickly at her voice, almost fainting at the sight of her wrapped only in a towel. you yelp, turning back around just as quickly, "s-sorry!"

sana giggles, padding up to her bed, "it's okay. i left my clothes out here."

you can hear the rustle of her towel being dropped and her starting to dress yourself. your face is burning up, trying desperately to clear your mind of thoughts of a very naked sana standing right behind you, probably watching you make a fool out of yourself.

"i'm dressed." she teases, plopping down onto her bed.

you turn with a sigh, but tense up when you realise her definition of dressed was a very thin camisole and shorts that really shouldn't be considered shorts.

sana smirks at your gaze, crossing her legs and watching the way your eyes follow the movement, drinking in the skin.

"so what happened with you and deki?"

your eyes snap back up to hers at the reminder, the guilt of it all coming back.

"i'm sorry- i didn't- i hope you know i didn't mean to-"

sana giggles, grabbing the towel to start drying her hair, "relax y/n. i figured as much. he wouldn't tell me what happened but i assume it had something to do with his feelings for you?"

you gulp, nodding, not trusting your voice.

"like you said at the game, he'll get over it."

"you're not mad at me?"

she frowns, "why would i be mad at you?"

"well i- i thought you were avoiding me at dinner and- i mean i did just reject your son-"

sana lets out a loud laugh, "i think i'd be more mad if you didn't reject him. and i wasn't avoiding you. were you looking for my attention y/n?" she teases, wringing out her hair.

"oh. i'm glad then. that you weren't avoiding me. i was worried." you mumble, ignoring her question, knowing she was just trying to get a reaction out of you.

she stands up, brushing her hair behind her shoulders, walking up to you slowly. "why were you worried?"

you focus on a spot on the hotel carpet, avoiding her gaze, "i didn't want you to think i was- i don't know- i just didn't want you to think of me differently i guess."

"why do you care what i think of you?"

you blush, "well- i mean- i- you're- you're a parent of my student."

sana hums, still moving closer at a painfully slow pace, "is that all i am to you?"

"uh- well- no... you're um- you're sana."

she giggles, now toe-to-toe with you. "i am."

you almost let out a gasp when her cool fingers touch your chin, tilting your head up slightly to look her in the eyes. her eyes search yours, then they move over your face, tracing your features. you lick your lips unconsciously, the tension between the two of you unable to be explained by a simple parent-teacher relationship, or even a friendship anymore.

"it's funny." her voice is lower now, spoken right onto your lips, there was no need for volume, you were only inches apart. "i almost wonder if my ex would've fallen for you too."

you're dizzy from being so close to her, mind playing catch up. "t-too?"

"yeah. hideki fell for you. i wonder if you could just have my whole family wrapped around your finger."

you gulp, not really following, just letting her do whatever she wanted to you.

she leans in even closer, eyes dropping to your lips.

"what about me?"

"w-what about you?"

"you rejected deki. how about me?"

you inhale shakily, "are you confessing?"

she smiles then, "was it not obvious?"

"no." you breathe out.

"why not?"

"you're too- you're unbelievable."

"what does that mean?"

"i literally can't believe you're real. that someone as perfect as you could exist."

sana giggles lowly at that, "there it is. do you know how long i've been waiting for you to just say how you feel about me?"

"w-what?"

"all that teasing, all the flirting, i paid nayeon to fake sick y'know?"

"you what?!"

she throws her head back, laughing fully now. your eyes follow the lines of her throat.

"deki talked about you all the time at home. i was curious to meet the maths teacher he was so obsessed with. and then i did. and you were just so adorable. i could tell you really loved what you were doing, and you really cared for all the kids. but i didn't want to ask you out in front of my son who has the biggest most obvious crush on you. so i resigned myself to thinking i probably wouldn't be able to see you again. and then you happened to be on this trip. so i tried everything i could to get closer to you, get to know you better, and you didn't disappoint. i can safely say i'm just as obsessed with you as hideki is, dare i say even more."

"y-you are?"

"mhm. and i knew you liked me too. you're almost as obvious as deki is." she giggles, "i was just waiting for you to do something about it. but you're too nice aren't you? didn't want anything that could be between us to affect your job and your relationship with the kids."

you hadn't even noticed sana had paid so much attention to you. she had picked you apart completely, you felt so exposed in front of her now, but it wasn't unwelcome, you were just embarrassed at the way you've acted around her, thinking how many times you've replied dumbly or said something stupid while she knew you had a crush on her. you cringe at the memories.

sana laughs again, poking at the scrunch in your nose, "so can you say it officially now?"

"say what?"

"don't play dumb with me. you know."

you whine, blushing still, but close your eyes, taking a breath again, "i like you sana. i think you're the most beautiful person i've ever seen and your personality and actions are just as consistent with your looks."

sana giggles again, and then all of a sudden, her lips are pressed against yours.

it's soft, sweet, she's curling a hand around your waist and the other around your neck. you weren't the greatest with words, that's why nayeon was the english teacher, but you try make up for it with your actions, pulling her into you deeper and wrapping your arms around her, smiling into the kiss.

sana returns the smile, reattaching your lips, kissing you easily, your lips slotting together with no rush, taking as much time as you wanted to explore each other.

that night, when you come out of your shower, you find sana curled up in your bed, patting the empty space next to her for you to squeeze into, making sure she had enough space so that she wouldn't fall off the edge. you find that she's a big cuddler, not that it should've surprised you, she was always a very physically affectionate person, and you were still getting used to being on the receiving end of all of it, but you adored it.

the next morning, you'll keep to your promise and wake sana up with a gentle kiss on her lips, brushing her hair out of her face and studying her sleeping features carefully, committing everything to memory, still in slight disbelief that such a woman felt the same way you did.

you talk over breakfast, finding yourself much more at ease now that you knew she knew how you felt about her. she still takes every opportunity to tease you though, loving the way you blushed and stuttered around her.

what's hard is deciding what to do after you get home. you still wanted to keep your distance from hideki so that he could get over you, and sana agreed, saying it would be best if the both of you kept your relationship a secret for now. she was almost excited, talking about how it would be exciting and fun to sneak around like kids again, having to hide your relationship.

she's right of course, but being with her specifically probably makes it ten times harder than it normally would. she'd come to your school with bunches of flowers and lunch, acting innocent and surprised when you have to hide her and find an empty classroom for you to spend the lunch date she springs on you. she'll never stop loving to tease you.

you finally tell hideki about 2 months into your relationship. he seems to take it okay, but when you're curled up in sana's bed later, she tells you he complained to her about how she 'stole his woman', and you both end up in a giggling fit, laughing at the turn of events. regardless, you're still grateful, grateful you were able to meet her, and somehow bewitch her into falling for you. you were the luckiest person alive, and only sana would disagree, saying that was only true for herself.

[laroserie]

— Various x-men characters dating a non-mutant!reader

— characters ; Scott Summers, Peter Maximoff, Kurt Wagner, Hank McCoy

— version with others characters ; not out yet

— warning ; no particular tw. talk about self estimee and doubt. (as always author has not started reading the comics and their knowledge come from the different xmen cartoon and my hazy memories of the film <3) ( also no cartoon gif for peter because i couldn't find any ... is he even in any of the xmen cartoons ), author decided that Peter has self-confidence issues, also Peter part kinda slide tracked and has more about Peter and his struggle than him dating reader whose a human ... sorry! (his part is also a bit short ...)

— Scott Summers

Scott has no particular qualm around you being a regular human, he loves you just as you are, and nothing can change that. That said, Scott cannot help himself but be, patronising at time. In his mind, you being a human just make you be at risks, you can't defend yourself if you get attacked, by others humans or mutants. He doesn't view you as weak, but, he know how fleeting life is. He isn't the greatest at expressing his feelings, and notably his worry for you.

He will also be more protective than if he was with a mutant. And it show in him being at first very against you befriending any others x-men, he very much care for most of them and he loves you very much, but he doesn't want to have those two part of his life mix up. He doesn't want you to get in dangers because of his job, but he also doesn't want you to possibly endanger one of his mission, he wasn't capable of choosing between you and one of his mission. Not to say, you are as or more important than his mission, but he was responsibilities as a X-Men and he cannot forget about them. But that said, with enough asking and pleading, making him crack and let you meet his friends and fellow X-Men.

Talking about you interacting with mutants, Scott will not let any remarks about you - well not being one - slide. He knows and understand why his friends may feel wary of humans, he get it, but you are different. You are quite literally dating him - a mutant, it couldn't make any sense for you to be against them. Scott may let it slide the first time actually, but anymore than that, and he's making them do extra session in danger room - or they aren't allowed in it, depending on who.

In general, there isn't that much of a different between how he treat his mutant or non-mutant partner, he just will be more protective and worried for them. He doesn't feel particularly insecure in your relationship - because of his mutation or your lack of mutation.

Again, he doesn't have any problems with you not being a mutant - he more so has problem being a mutant, not in general of course, but in your relationship yes. Peter can't really give an answer as to why, but if he had to guess it was probably due to this father, and the fact that he didn't want to do anything like his father did, to you. The worst is, he know damn well he isn't anything like him but he can't help but think that way.

He feels like he's going to mess your relationship up, because of what he is. He try to play it off as if it was nothing, but it's a feeling that lingers in the back of his mind often. He never truly wished to be a regular human before, and he still doesn't, but he just want your relationship to be more normal. Which isn't really possible. Peter knows that, he also knows that you don't care, about that kind of thing.

He can mask his doubts and awful self-confidence with his quirky attitude, he can fool most people pretty easily - expect you. At some point, it get to point, where you have to sit down with Peter and try to have a conversation about it, at first he will just act dumb and pretend he doesn't get what you are talking about, but his facade cracks relatively fast.

You listen, his fears and doubts. You comfort him, and assure him, that everything is fine, you reassure him that weither your relationship is 'normal' or not it's the last of your problem. You love him, he loves you and that all that matter in your eyes.

Now, Kurt could be the one that has the most difficulty dating someone that is not a mutant. He could be scared to hurt you more than anything. He's stressing out about doing or saying the worst thing, that will just break everything. One of the reason why he is friend, with his friends is because they share at least one thing - they can all relate on one crucial part of their identity - them being mutant, it's one thing that link them all together and make it at least a little bit easier to connect. You lacking that, make it hard for him. He still loves you all the same of course, but he feels like not being able to share something so crucial is sad.

So he desperately try to make it up in some way, he looks everything he can about your interests to be able to share that with you, everytime you share something about your interests Kurt will make mental note of it. And he will share a lot about what interest him in return. If you speak an another language that he doesn't know, he'll try to learn it, after all what is better than learning the language of your lover! Kurt can even teach you some german if you want to!

He wants something to link the two of you together even more. It's something he heavily crave. To be linked to you, by more than just, your love for each others.

Kurt may feel insecure at time, that you may leave him for well, a regular human, that isn't blue, has five fingers on each hands - he will try to keep it to himself, but he isn't really good at that. His insecurity just overflow and he end up offhandedly asking you while you are hanging out, if you could prefer to be dating a human rather than him. Obviously, you tell him that you don't, and ask where did this idea came from. He feels reluctant to admit as to why he asked. He feels, ashamed ? After seeing your reaction, he feels a bit silly, and even more when you comfort him and tell him that you very much prefer and could always choose to date him more than anyone else just because they are human.

On a more happy note Kurt loves seeing how amazed you are by his mutation, you never really were around mutants before - there isn't actually a ton of opportunity to meet mutants and to know that they are mutants, even if antis mutant politicians like to make people believe the contrary - most humans he met, weren't exactly thrilled by his, but you are the exactly opposite. Even after being together for a while and getting used to his mutation, there is still this curiosity and shine in your eyes when he teleport for example.

He is by far, the most chill about your relationship and you not being a mutant while he is. Well, that is if we are talking about Hank, after he accepted his entire mutation and all, which we are, Hank pre-self acceptance is different deal.

But once, Hank is settled as a scientific and has member of the X-Men, and has fully accepted his mutation, he doesn't personally really care. But sadly, a lot of people seemingly do and that's one thing that annoy him. The worst is it come from both fellow mutants, even his friends and colleagues sometime! And from regular humans. He doesn't really get why people care about him dating a non-mutant or you dating him - a mutant.

He personally try to not let it get to him, and if it does he will do everything but make you suffer because of it. It most often will result in him shutting himself in his lab for a bit of time, to calm down.

And like others, he feels like he needs to protect you because, you are so ... weak in his eyes, not in a bad way of course ! But in comparison to him you are so small and fragile. This cause Hank to usually like putting his arms around you, around you waist or on your back, to show you that he is there, and to show people around that you are his, and that they shouldn't try to hurt you in anyway.

[thedreadvampy]

update they messaged me to say they felt I had been very hostile to them the last 2 times they saw me (almost fair - I was very hostile to them 2/3 of the last 3 times I saw them) and "can we address this?"

so I said "no, not really" and they said "well do you know why" and I said "yes, but I don't think I can productively have that conversation with you so I'm not going to." and they haven't messaged since.

suuuucccessss????

there is a person in my life who I Do Not Like Being Around. they trigger all sorts of shit for me that makes me extremely irritable, defensive, tense, reactive, snappy, etc. I think it would be fair to say I hate them in that I see or hear about them and I'm already mentally squaring up.

(and that is an unusual experience for me. I am a dyed-in-the-wool hater of THINGS but I find it fairly difficult to maintain a lot of distaste and anger towards PEOPLE)

but the problem is.

a) I am conscious that I am not behaving rationally. I do not like the person I am around them.

and

b) I canNOT fucking get away from them. they are in basically all my social spaces, and every time I get involved in organising they're there trying to Be In Charge In A Non-Hierarchical Way. They're my best friends' best friend. They're my ex's partner. And even when I'm not anywhere near them people end up talking to me about how irritating they are. they are haunting me.

[depresssant]

Shades of Cool

NEGLECTFUL!PLATONIC!YAN!batfam x GN!reader

synopsis : growing up with a shit mom and constant step-dads and mom's boyfriends, your view on life has grown pretty bleak. you just want to die, since it doesn't seem to get better than this. things can't get any worse, can they?

wsp guys. it's been pretty long, huh?... OK IM SORRY FOR NOT POSTING IT QUICKLY. here, damn 🙄. anyways, i hope yall enjoy n im glad u guys liked the first chapter. lets just hope this one lives up to yalls expectations 😭. follow me and repost this if u want a chapter three. also I NEED SOMEONE TO EDUCATE ME ABOUT SUNDAY FROM HSR BC I WANNA WRITE FICS ABOUT HIM SO BAD SO PLS SOMEONE EDUCATE ME N ALSO IF U KNOW LOVE AND DEEP SPACE??? PLS HIT ME UP AND EXPLAIN THIS LORE BC I WANNA WRITE YANDERE FICS FOR THEM SO BAD

“Why are balls called balls when testicles sounds hella fancier?”

At your friend’s bizarre question, the face of your other friend, Zarian, twinges in disgust. “Jayelene… why do you feel the need to put that out there?”

You huff in amusement, focusing on your pizza before what Jaylene says ruins your entire mood.

“I’m just saying! Testicles just seems more appropriate⏤the type of fancy shit drake and his family would say.”

Tim Drake Wayne…

Dinner with him and his freak-a-zoid family was like trying to make it past no-man’s land without any help to shield you from the straight up chilling vibes they gave off with their constant comments about bat facts. Bats. The atmosphere during the entire time you spent there was dreadful and quite literally heavy since Tim's youngest little brother wanted to sneak stares at you as if you wouldn’t notice his bug-looking eyes creeping into your soul.

Rich people really are weird, huh?

The Wayne family is nothing like how you expected them to be. They’re supposed to be cold, mysterious, and irresistibly enchanting, but all you’ve got are creepy vibes and a strong urge to stay away from them as much as possible. From the way Mr. Wayne made that weird comment about your father in the limo to how forcibly happy Richard or “Dick” was with you, you’ve come to an understanding that rich people are complete lunatics.

The Wayne family is full of a bunch of lunatics.

And you’re not afraid to voice that.

“There you go again,” Jaylene sighs when she notices the irritated expression on your face. “It’s never that serious, [Name]. You just hate everyone.”

“No, you don't get it! They were creepy as hell! Like… Like bats in dark caves coming at you all at once. They talk funny, they look funny⏤they act funny! What normal man name drops your mother’s name after knowing each other for about thirty minutes?”

Zarian huffs in amusement. “That’s the creepy part. How does Mr. Wayne know your name?”

“I dont know.” You run your fingers through your hair and lean back against the booth seat. “I don't want anything to do with them. Billionaire or not, how the hell does he know my mother’s name.”

It was perhaps towards the end of your stay at the Wayne’s manor for dinner, and you knew you had to go home, so you had largely hinted at leaving to Drake. Everything had gotten wrapped up, but when you were just about to leave, Mr. Wayne had told you, “make sure to tell [M/n] I said hi.”

You could only stare at him in shock as your body carried along, because how does a man as famous and wealthy as bruce wayne know your mother⏤your mother? He’s the chief executive officer of Wayne Enterprises yet mentions your mother?

That moment alone is enough to wave every red flag in your brain that screams at you, telling you something is up with these shady people. The only question is what? What can a billionaire possibly want from you? Out of everything the world has to offer, the most influential billionaire in America wants to target some meager high school kid?

What do these people want from you? Is it a rich people thing to play around with those below you? Well, you guess it probably is. Like, is Mr. Wayne gonna pop out with his soulless eyes and say, ‘you’re my long lost child?’ or something?

You still don’t know why you’re being a goat stuffed before slaughtering. These people want something from you, but you? You’ve got nothing to offer that they could want. Why the hell do they even bother? If there's one thing you really hate, it’s being left in the dark like this. Not knowing is terrifying. It's dangerous. Not knowing means not being prepared, and if you’re not prepared, you won’t make it out. Damn it, you should’ve booked it the moment Mr. Wayne mentioned your father in the limo. Movies and shows always display rich people as eccentric and psychopathic weirdos, and now you’re finally believing it.

Damn it.

You’re in danger. Okay.

Maybe that’s an exaggeration. But maybe it’s not.

You’ve watched enough true crime and have enough intuition and trust in your gut to know when something is wrong.

It’s not adding up.

You’re not dumb. You see all the warnings there, but what if you're exaggerating. What if this is just the nature of the Waynes, and you think you’re special enough to be noticed by them? Mr. Wayne is a damn billionaire! He’s got the money to do whatever he wants, so it’s only natural for him to do a background check on everybody that interacts with his sons, right?

It’s all in your head… It’s all in your head.

Sighing, you stare at the plate of food in front of you, appetite long gone. Still, you grab a fork and continue to eat as Zarian and Jaylene scream back and forth next to you. Drake, who had accompanied the three of you to the diner after practice, has left, thankfully. He left as soon as his food arrived while talking about some family emergency, and honestly, you’re pretty damn grateful for that.

Ever since dinner at his house, he’s surrounded you like a pillow smothering you, and you can’t do anything about it. He’s a billionaire’s son, for fuck’s sake.

It doesn’t take long for you and your friends to finish up, and you all part ways at the door of the diner before you clutch the straps of your backpack and walk around the city endlessly. This is a habit for you now⏤a way to put off going home as much as possible ever since you found out your mother’s boyfriend doesn’t come home until one or two in the morning.

That balding, ugly, sleazy piece of shit.

He’s as gross as every other man your mother’s brought home under the terribly veiled illusion that he’ll provide her a good life and treat her right. No matter how many times you try to tell that blind bitc… No. It's wrong. It’s not your mother’s fault.

But it sometimes feels like that, though.

Most mother’s destroy their own lives for their children, yet yours cannot even think about leaving the man that beats her child on a daily. Those types of mothers leave their spouses the second they see something wrong, while your mother treats those finger-print bruises around your neck like a necklace instead of abuse.

You’ve given up on her. You gave up on her back when you were eleven years old locked in a room with her boyfriend, and she didn’t listen. Or when you were twelve. Or thirteen. Or fourteen. Or fifteen. Or sixteen. Or seventeen. And now eighteen.

And each day feels like a repetition of the same. Wake up, go to school, practice, walk around, go home, get beat, and sleep like none of it all happens. It’s a routine you despise with every fiber of your being⏤makes you wanna jump over Gotham City Bridge before thinking about returning home because who would want to? Who wants this average life?

A life where you’re not happy enough, not sad enough. Not good enough, not bad enough. Not energized enough, not tired enough. You feel like a survivor of a plane crash floating on a raft at the center of the endless ocean with no way out. Everything just seems so vast, wide, and unreachable. How can you find the shore on a simple raft? How can you find a way out of inescapable misery if it’s not by drowning?

You’ve been waiting to find the shore, but it’s been a whole eighteen years since you’ve found yourself floating along the ocean.

That whole “it’ll get better” shit is a tragic lie.

Whatever.

It doesn’t matter⏤not anymore, at least. You’re going to get far away from this place and never look back. Never have to relieve this wretched city. Never have to be confined by chains again. You’ve only a few months left before you’re free.

Until then, you’ll have to be patient and go home because the sun has fully disappeared.

Nothing but satellites twinkle in the disgustingly polluted sky of Gotham City, and the streets have come to a staggering halt as you stroll about the sidewalks, trying to find the longest path to get home. One in the morning is always the perfect time in Gotham because it’s too late and too early to be outside, so it’s generally safe for a walk.

Of course, the universe likes to prove you wrong at every point.

The sound of a thud followed by a pained groan behind you has your legs locked and ready to run with your brain screaming alerts, but you take a deep breath and turn around. How bad can it get, anyways? The sight before you surprised you nonetheless. It’s… Nightwing, a Bludhaven hero, here in Gotham, just randomly popping up behind you?

With clear bleeding cuts and sprouting bruises across his body.

In the random alley you just happen to be in?

No. You’re looking into it too much.

His eyes lock onto and they make you freeze right then and there like he’s cast some spell upon you. But that’s for a cold, brief second before you’re hooking your thumbs under the straps of your backpacks and turning around hot on your heels, refusing to spare him a single second. 

You even hear him murmur a strained, “wait,” but you don't care. 

It’s rude, mean, cruel, and it’s also none of your business. All you simply do is walk ahead to your approaching doom with an pit of unease and bitter understanding of your helplessness in your stomach. You can already feel the soon-to-be new bruises blooming along your back.

You’re not a good person.

But, really, who is?

Smoking really does skill.

But now you know why people do it.

Each drag is more out of necessity than it is a choice ever since you’ve met your friend’s plug at the dumb age of sixteen, but it's a way to dull the harsh truth of reality. The world just fades into nothing but muted and mixed colors like the loud city underneath your balcony it blurs into a faint hum the longer you stare at the spiral puffs of smoke that disappear into the air. 

Everything’s bitter⏤the joint and you.

Really bitter at the blood semi-dried on your face and the dull ache along your back.

You’ve got about an hour and a half until you have to head out to school, so what other way is there to spend it than smoking away your brain? The joint’s a temporary escape, but it helps you stall whatever new feeling of despair you’ll feel for the day. Until you’re interrupted by your phone buzzing⏤the sound still a dull hum in your ears

“... Hello?”

“[Name]!”

Zarian’s voice?

“Where the hell are you? Hurry up and get to school or else you’re gonna get in trouble for not helping to set up the club fair, and coach will be on our ass! And don't forget to bring money for the tickets!”

Coach?... Club fair?... Club fair! Holy shit!

Your eyes shoot open, and you frantically scramble up, tossing the joint over the balcony railing before hectically staggering through the living room like a drunk man. Damn it, how could you be so clueless and forget such an important event? Especially one you need money for! Damn it⏤damnit! What do you do?

… Mom! She’s got a box of money somewhere in her closet, right? You’ve seen it before! It's just twenty dollars, and she wont notice. Okay… Okay. You’re quick to get ready. You wash away all the blood that’s dried on your face, brush your teeth, and change into baggy jeans and a clean shirt before storming into your mother’s bedroom and rummaging through her things. 

She’s off at work. Her bastard boyfriend doesn't come home until late at night, which means he’s probably already taken money for the day. Okay. That's fine. They won't notice.

But you can't find anything! What the hell? Where is that fucking box? You could’ve sworn it was there on the top shelf last night, but as you swipe your hands across everything on the shelf, you can’t find it. All of a sudden, something made of wood hits the top of your head and falls to the ground with a crack. You hiss, palm moving to cover where you got hit, but your eyes land on the box that now has money strewn all across the floor and a broken… false bottom?

What the fuck.

You pull away at the rest of the false bottom to only be met with countless photos of you as a child with your mother. Mom’s shit boyfriend had all the family photos taken down for some weird reason, so they’ve been here this entire time? All of these photos are full of you throughout every stage of your life, but some have different people in them as well. Their faces are either scratched out or they’re ripped out of the photo entirely.

From what you can gather, the figures are a man and what seems to be a teenage boy. The absurdity and even slight creepiness of the scratched out faces has you laughing, yet even with your now dulled senses, your eyes land on a photo you failed to notice earlier. Maybe you’re hallucinating. There must be something wrong with your brain. Or your eyes. The universe must be playing with you because is that a photo of you and a teenage-looking dick grayson?

Your eyes widen because it looks just like the strange man you had the unfortunate opportunity of having a conversation with during dinner with the Waynes. It’s him! More importantly, why the hell is he holding a ‘three year old’ you’s hand? You probably should be screaming. Yelling. Maybe panicking? But all you can do is shuffle through the rest of the box before your fingers graze against something metal that has your heart jumping.

It’s a small camera.

With a bat engraved on its side.

Ears ringing so loudly in your head you can't even think, you wipe your teary and red eyes hastily before grabbing a twenty dollar bill, putting everything except for the photo and camera in the box, set it back on the closet shelf, and hastily grab your backpack before making way to school.

The second you reach the damned place, you seek out your now three friends and drop into a seat with a heavy thud, sighing and meeting Tim's eyes with a burning gaze.

“You mean to tell me [Name] found the camera? And you decided to tell me after school?”

Time Drake Wayne sighs and runs his fingers through his black hair, shrugging apathetically while scrolling through every photo in his phone that he’s taken of you during the club fair. His brother, Richard, is pacing throughout his room anxiously as he rambles off about their latest fuckup. 

“Look, Bruce doesn't let any slip ups happen,” Tim murmurs in exasperation. “He wouldn't let this happen because [Name]’s mom and him talked this morning. Relax, he probably knows.”

It's not a lot, but it’s enough to calm Richard down. The man takes a deep breath but finds himself sitting down next to Tim, trying to get a good look at the pictures. “How mad was [Name]?”

“High, for starters, but clearly pissed off. Very observant, too.”

“Don’t tell anyone else. Not until Bruce gives us the okay.”

TAGLIST :

@ilovemyhusbandnanami (so real), @missikkj, @ferakillia, @darlinqvi, @soriansick, @sleepydhanie, @h0rr0r-10ver-69 (love ur blog aesthetic bae), @anuttellaa (OK WINX 😽), @feral-childs-word (love the pfp), @shycreatorreview, @friesandfixations, @stuff6969fuckyou, @babiebubsie, @jsprien213, @cattioo, @cherrydaisymanic (cheetah?leopard? printttt 😍), @00hellohello00, @princessloveweird, @amber-content, @idonthaveanameforthisacc, @f1lover4ever, @dreamsarenicer, @imaginarydreams, @solkara (love the calm aesthetic), @bobfood, @toast-on-dandelioms, @ijustfuckme, @cantfindmelol, @xx1shadow1xx, @azulawayne, @box-of-kinderjoy, @iamaunknownsecret, @missybabes, @phoenixgurl030, @couldeatthatgirlforlunch, @devils-blackrose, @arevvv, @freakthis, @yourhornysister, @kirahhhh, @perfectparadisegardener, @testishere, @spaceunicorn293, @vanilliona (love the pfpp), @uknowimdumb, @esposadomd, @dakotali, @lilyalone, @kore-of-the-underworld, @pix-stuff, @hellcatsworld, @chericia, @mspoisoncoil (love the bannnnerrr) , @devotedlyshamelessdetective, @cheeseburgercasserole (love the aesthetic), @twismare

so follow me n repost if u want part lll. and somebody pls explain hsr and love and deepspace lore to me. making a taglistttttt. if this post doesnt get as many likes as the first one, im deleting this series 😭. if u see a grammatical mistake, no u didnt 😃🔪

if anybody’s got requests about this series or in general, feel free to ask!!!

WAIT!! FOLLOW MY WATTPAD ACCOUNT : @depresssant. I JUS PUBLISHED A HISTORICAL YANDERE X READER STORY

[auroreliis]

what if reader had k*lled someone before and the batfam (yandere) dis not know like «I dont need your damn protection» reader said to the batfam «but the world is so dangerous out there and your just a baby» the batfam said to reader « B!TCH I have k*lled someone the f you mean im a baby?!?» the batfam with horrified expresion «WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!»

That last little part is a funny little over dramatic way it might go.

Oh, you are COOKED. (Do pardon my use of brainrot language...)

CW: mentions of murder...obviously

The first thing they do is isolate you in a room and keep you there for a while until they figure out what to do with you (and so you can think about what you've done).

What happens next? Therapy sessions, which they all agreed on.

Don't worry, you will tell them everything, specifically Bruce, since he's the one carrying out the therapy sessions.

"Why did you kill that person?"

"How do you feel about it now?"

"Do you regret it?"

"How do you feel after our conversation?"

He pities the person you ended up killing and feels a little disappointed. A life was taken by you, an innocent person's life. He didn't raise you like this, did he...?

However, he also pities you. Unless you are trained to kill someone, it breaks you. He's seen it so many times, people commiting murders and then panicking, breaking down, because they couldn't live with the consequences of their actions.

You're a mere civilian, how could you ever have been exposed to that kind of environment? How could he let this happen? No, it is his fault for waiting so long before saving you from the world. He will teach you why it's wrong. He will make sure you heal and never take another life again. After all, it is his job as your father to guide you in life.

That's right, the only reason you could've done it is because you didn't know any better. You are a mere child in this old, cruel world, after all.

In the end, he holds himself accountable. He should've done better. He should've protected you better from the cruel world you live in.

Dick would be shocked. His little birdie, his angel, killed someone? Impossible. You're so innocent, like a baby, so how could this be true? He would take some time off to come to terms with the fact that you're not the kind of person he expected. When he comes back, after a week, he seems slightly distant.

With time, following your therapy sessions, he will return to his normal, clingy, annoying self. However, you can't help but wonder why he was acting so weird that one week.

Despite the fact that he also kills people, Jason is incredibly suprised and disappointed after hearing that you killed someone. Unlike everyone else, he feels anger. You're so young, so innocent, you grew up in a place where murdering someone was not necessary, so why would you do it? He doesn't kill people because he wants to, he only does it because he needs to. But you didn't need to do it.

That's what upsets him most. You chose to do it. You willingly took a life.

Despite being so hurt, so broken, he still feels an ounce hesitation when killing people, so how come you, someone who didn't go through what he did, could kill someone in a situation that wasn't even self-defense? Nothing could possibly justify it! And here you are, proudly announcing it to them. You should be ashamed.

He kills murderers, so what should he do with you? Does that make you as bad as the criminals he kills? God, he doesn't even want to think about it.

Jason won't get over it for at least a month. He'll be very distant around you and won't be seen smiling for a long time. Towards you exclusively, his behaviour becomes incredibly bitter. In fact, he's the one who most strongly encourages Bruce to carry out the long, grueling therapy sessions. He really thinks it'll do you good...

Tim's reaction would be more mild than expected. He would certainly feel uncomfortable with the fact that you seemingly feel not an ounce of guilt or regret. However, he wouldn't change his behaviour too much for too long.

During the first week, he'd be a bit more careful with his affection towards you. No, it's not because he's scared. He simply wants to observe you and see how effective the therapy sessions are. If he feels that your attitude towards murder hasn't changed, he would encourage Bruce to be more intense during the therapy sessions.

He would be more careful with the activities he offers you, since Bruce called a meeting with everyone to establish more rules, those being directed at Tim mostly. Tim's "cool, lenient older brother"-act needs to change.

From now on, no crime films or shows (especially not any violent ones), no crime documentaries, no crime or detective books, no vular language, no threats towards anyone or anything and for at least 14 months, no leaving the manor.

This change will probably be permanent.

[bamfkeeper]

Parents.

Kurt Wagner x F!reader

RQ: 'CAN WE PLS GET MORE DAD!KURT HC'S??? PLS I BEG' - @thel0v3hashira143

Warnings: Baby themes, mentions of breastfeeding and other recovery things from birth and pregnancy.

A/N: Pleaseee I love Kurt as a dad <3 Dad!Kurt has to have a goatee I don't make the rules 😩

Kurt loves being a dad. He's always wanted to be a father and he was so excited when you got pregnant and gave birth. He was so attentive to you, and during labor and the birthing process, he was there helping as much as possible.

When it was the first night home from the hospital, he made sure you got your baby inside safely and you got to bed right away. He didn't want you moving around too much. He had already prepped the bedroom, the bassinet was beside the bed for you to easily reach for your baby at night for feedings.

He had water, cream, medicine, everything you needed. He popped up at night when he felt you move, checking on you nearly every hour.

If you wanted to only breastfeed, he'd absolutely be okay with that, and he'd make sure you were alright doing so. He would help you pump and offer bottles if you needed, but he'd mostly try to respect your wants.

I don't think Kurt would care what gender the baby is. He'd love it no matter what. I always had a feeling that if he had a boy he'd name it Gabriel.

Names in general can be played with. You can imagine him going the religious route, or the German route, or if you have a name you like from your own culture, then you could choose that. Kurt is just happy you're having a baby, the name isn't something he's going to argue about with you.

Kurt is absolutely super protective over the baby and you, especially fresh from the hospital. He advocates your wishes to all your friends and family. No visitors, no pictures, no holding the newborn, etc. whatever rules you have.

You love watching him hold your baby, how he cradles them in his arms and hums so sweetly. He gently rubs his nose into the baby's tiny one, he's so gentle with them.

He kisses your baby's feet, listening to the sweet giggles because his beard tickles their toes. He loves to give them raspberries too.

He likes to sing German lullabies or songs to your baby. His singing voice is actually really good.

You thought Kurt was protective before, but once your baby moves around more often, he becomes even more so. Anyone says anything about your baby's appearance or yours after your pregnancy, he loses it. You didn't think that would get you going but...damn.

Your baby would be bilingual. They'd learn English and German growing up.

Walking is fun. With the tiny tail your baby has, balance is much easier, so your baby is walking long before normal babies walk.

As your baby grows, their little voice develops an accent in both languages, and you both adore it. Kurt is so proud of your little one, going on and on about how smart they are and how they get it from you.

Kurt loves dressing your baby too, he definitely puts them in little overalls or lederhosen.

Kurt plays with your little one all the time, especially at parks, he loves pushing them in the swing and sliding down the slide with them in his lap. He absolutely makes up extravagant make believe scenarios about sailing the seas on a big pirate ship, aka the couch.

Speaking of...pirate costumes for Halloween is a MUST.

Also let's not forget the spoiling your child will endure. Kurt gets them whatever they want. Stuffed animals, toys, clothes, sweets, within reason of course. But he can't resist.

Kurt loves to cook German dishes for you and your child, it makes him happy to do and it connects you and your child closer to his roots.

Bedtime stories are big for Kurt too. The showman he is, he tells the stories in different voices, he completely acts out the parts to make your child giggle and laugh. He tucks your little one in and gives them a kiss, a soft lullaby, then it's off to dreamland.

You adore seeing this side of Kurt, he's grown into a wonderful parent, even if he did have some worries before. He is absolutely perfect. A perfect father and a perfect husband.

Dividers by @/adornedwithlight

Cover images: Immortal X-Men #7 (2022), Pinterest for others

[its-avalon-08]

Can you write me something for Lando? Where his girlfriend is scared, he's going to leave her because everyone eventually does. (Like a bad home life and never had good relationships) And she's just waiting for Lando to dump her, but Lando resizes this and assures her that she is it for him and he would never abandon her.

i'm never giving up on you (ln4)

avaspeaks: at this point i'm just a lando norris fanclub, and i have no issue with it whatsoever

✦ pairing - lando norris x female!reader

✦ genre - angst, neglect, fears of abandonment, comfort

Y/N sat in the dimly lit living room of her small apartment, the shadows on the walls a stark contrast to the memories that haunted her. Her fingers traced the worn edges of a photo album she had found while cleaning earlier, each page a painful reminder of her past.

Growing up, Y/N's home life was far from stable. Her parents' relationship had been a volatile cocktail of arguments and broken promises, their voices often raised in anger rather than love. The air in their house had always felt thick with tension, a palpable force that suffocated any semblance of comfort or security.

Y/N flipped through the album, her eyes lingering on a picture of her younger self. She was smiling, but the smile didn't reach her eyes, even then. Her parents stood on either side of her, forced grins plastered on their faces for the camera. She remembered that day clearly—it had been one of the few times they had tried to act like a normal family, but the effort was short-lived.

As the years went by, the arguments escalated, and the once infrequent absences of her father turned into a permanent departure. Her mother, already struggling with her own demons, fell into a deep depression, leaving Y/N to fend for herself. She became a master of hiding her pain, putting on a brave face at school while silently dealing with the chaos at home.

Friendships came and went, most of them fleeting. Y/N had learned early on not to get too attached, as people seemed to drift away just when she started to rely on them. Her heart had been broken too many times, not by romantic relationships, but by the countless times she had opened up to someone, only for them to leave.

Closing the album with a sigh, Y/N glanced around her apartment. It was small but cozy, a space she had made her own. The walls were adorned with pictures of places she hoped to visit one day, a reminder of dreams she refused to let go of, despite everything. Yet, the emptiness of the apartment echoed the loneliness that had been her constant companion.

Meeting Lando had been a beacon of light in her otherwise dark world. His infectious energy and genuine kindness had drawn her in, and for the first time in a long time, she felt a glimmer of hope. But with that hope came fear—the fear that he, too, would eventually leave, just like everyone else.

The sound of the front door opening pulled Y/N from her thoughts. She quickly wiped away a tear that had escaped, not wanting Lando to see her like this. She loved him deeply, but the scars of her past were not easily forgotten.

Lando entered the room, his eyes immediately finding hers. He could sense something was wrong, the way she held herself, the distant look in her eyes. He walked over and sat beside her on the couch, his presence a comforting contrast to the turmoil in her mind.

"Hey," he said softly, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "Are you okay?"

Y/N took a deep breath, forcing a smile. "Yeah baby, I'm okay"

time skip

The tension in the apartment was palpable as Lando and Y/N stood facing each other in the living room. The argument had started innocuously enough—a simple conversation about their busy schedules—but it had quickly escalated into a heated exchange.

"I just don't understand why you can't make more time for us," Y/N said, her voice tinged with frustration. "You're always so busy with races, interviews, and events. I feel like we're barely together anymore."

Lando ran a hand through his hair, his patience wearing thin. "I have obligations, Y/N. This is my career we're talking about. I can't just drop everything whenever I want."

"I'm not asking you to drop everything," she retorted, her eyes flashing with anger. "I'm asking you to make an effort. I want to feel like a priority, not just another item on your to-do list."

"That's not fair," Lando shot back. "You know how demanding this job is. I can't control the schedule. And it's not like you don't have your own commitments."

Y/N crossed her arms, her voice rising. "But I still try to make time for us! You promised me that we'd find a balance, but it feels like I'm the only one trying."

Lando's frustration boiled over. "I’m doing the best I can! Why can't you see that?"

"Because it doesn't feel like it!" she shouted, tears of anger and hurt welling up in her eyes. "I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one making an effort in this relationship."

A heavy silence fell between them, the weight of their words hanging in the air. Lando shook his head, his expression a mix of frustration and helplessness. "I'm driving around the bloody globe and this - Y/N I'm just- I need some air," he muttered, grabbing his jacket and heading for the door.

Y/N watched him leave, her heart sinking. She stood there for a moment, her mind racing with thoughts of abandonment. This was it, she thought. This was when he would realize it wasn't worth the effort and leave her like everyone else had.

Y/N sat on the balcony, the cool night air brushing against her skin. The city lights flickered in the distance, but her mind was far away, lost in the painful memories that had shaped her.

She was six years old, hiding under the kitchen table as her parents screamed at each other. Her father’s voice was a thunderstorm, her mother’s a desperate plea. "I can’t take it anymore, Marie! I’m done!" Her father stormed out, slamming the door so hard it rattled the windows. He never came back.

Years later, her mother’s addiction had taken hold. Y/N would find her passed out on the couch, empty bottles and needles scattered around. "Mom, please," she would whisper, shaking her gently. "Wake up." But her mother’s eyes remained closed, her body unresponsive. Social services came and went, but nothing ever changed. The house felt emptier with each passing day.

Her first boyfriend seemed kind at first, but the facade quickly crumbled. "You’re too clingy," he said, pushing her away. "I need space." He left her in tears, feeling like a burden. The next relationship was worse—manipulation, emotional abuse, constant belittling. "You’re worthless," he sneered. "No wonder your family abandoned you." She believed him, internalizing every cruel word.

Y/N hugged her knees tighter to her chest, the tears slipping down her cheeks. The patterns of her past replayed in her mind, a cruel reminder of the pain she had endured.

Her best friend in high school promised they would be friends forever. But as soon as things got tough, she disappeared without a word, leaving Y/N to navigate the tumultuous teenage years alone. "I thought we were friends," Y/N had said, voice breaking. But there was no answer, just an empty silence.

Her college roommate had been kind, at first. They shared secrets and late-night talks until one day, without warning, she moved out, leaving a note saying she couldn’t handle Y/N’s “drama.” Another abandonment, another confirmation that Y/N was too much for anyone to handle.

She wiped her eyes, the heaviness in her chest a familiar ache. Lando was different, she knew that. He was kind, loving, and patient. But the fear that he would eventually leave her, just like everyone else, was always there, lurking in the back of her mind.

The balcony door slid open, and Y/N didn’t turn around. She felt Lando’s presence as he stepped outside, the silence stretching between them.

"I'm sorry my love," Lando finally said, his voice soft and weary. "I didn't mean to storm out like that."

Y/N took a deep breath, her voice trembling. "I just… I don't want to feel like this anymore, Lando. I don't want to keep waiting for you to leave. It's not your fault, it really is not. I'm just- my past. It has been hurting me so much even when I try for it not to."

He moved closer, sitting beside her on the balcony floor. "Y/N, I'm not going to leave you. I didn't realize how much this was affecting you. I thought we were okay but I need you to speak to me, to voice your conerns."

She shook her head, tears slipping down her cheeks. "I was scared to tell you how I really felt. I didn't want to seem needy or make you feel guilty."

Lando reached out, gently taking her hand in his. "You have every right to tell me how you feel. I need to know if something's wrong so we can fix it together."

She looked at him, her eyes filled with vulnerability. "But what if you get tired of always having to reassure me? What if you decide it's too much?"

He squeezed her hand, his gaze steady and sincere. "I won't. I'm here because I love you, Y/N. I want to be with you, and that means working through the tough times, too. I know I haven't been perfect, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work."

Y/N's heart ached with both fear and hope. "I want to believe you, Lando. I really do."

"Then let me prove it to you," he said softly. "We'll figure this out together. I promise."

She nodded, a small smile breaking through her tears. "Okay. I trust you." He could see the pain in her eyes, the scars left by a lifetime of abandonment and disappointment. He knew this was the moment to make her understand how much she meant to him.

"Y/N, look at me," he said softly, lifting her chin so their eyes met. "You are perfect for me in every way. I don’t just love you because you’re beautiful or because we have fun together. I love you because of who you are, inside and out."

She tried to look away, but he gently held her face, making sure she was listening. "You are the strongest person I know. Everything you've been through, everything you've survived—it hasn't broken you. It's made you who you are, and that person is incredible."

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she didn't say anything. Lando continued, his voice full of conviction. "You have this amazing heart, Y/N. You care so deeply about the people in your life, even when they don't deserve it. You give so much of yourself, and that’s something truly special."

He brushed a tear from her cheek. "You make me want to be a better person. Every day with you is a gift, and I don’t take that lightly. I see how you look after everyone, how you’re always there for others, even when you’re hurting. You inspire me."

Lando's voice grew more intense as he spoke. "You’re not a burden. You’re not too much. You are exactly what I need in my life. You’re my anchor, the one who keeps me grounded. Without you, none of this—racing, fame, everything—would matter. You’re my reason, Y/N."

She sniffled, her tears falling freely now, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. "I know you’re scared, and I get it. But I’m here to stay. I’m not going anywhere. I promise you that. We’re in this together, and I will never, ever leave you."

He pulled back slightly to look into her eyes again. "Please believe me when I say that you are my everything. I love you more than words can say, and I will spend every day proving it to you. You are my future, Y/N, and I’m not going to let anything take that away from us."

She clung to him, her sobs quieting as his words sank in. "I love you too, Lando," she whispered, her voice shaky but filled with hope.

"And I love you," he replied, kissing her forehead gently. "Always."

For the first time in a long while, she felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, they could find a way to make it work. And for now, that hope was enough.

[mypoisonedvine]

100 random dialogue prompts

truly random, there's a mix of angsty and smutty and fluffy in here. as a result it's nsfw and 18+ :)

"who did this to you?"

"where are you going dressed like that?"

"this isn't enough anymore. I need more of you-- all of you."

"I'm not angry, I just get tired of watching you get hurt."

"don't say stuff like that, it gets me all... confused."

"just lie to me, okay? just this once."

"I never said I didn't feel the same way."

"you should go... before someone sees."

"I hate how you make it impossible to hate you."

"too good for you? don't be ridiculous-- they don't deserve you."

"fuck, do that again... please."

"you promise you're going to behave this time?"

"oh please, you knew what you were doing... you wanted to drive me crazy."

"no, it's not over. it's never over."

"so you're saying even if we were the last people on Earth--?" "nope."

"sooo... is everything supposed to just go back to normal after that?"

"you can't ignore me. not anymore."

"it's not what it looks like!" "is that a picture of me?!"

"you really didn't notice that I was falling in love with you?"

"is this really the last time?"

"I'm sorry, I swear I tried, but I just can't get over you."

"do you really think that toy can replace me?"

"don't tell me how to feel."

"forgive me, but I'm not feeling very patient right now."

"you could do so much better than me."

"what would they think if they saw you right now?"

"I didn't know you could be so obedient."

"you can take it."

"you were never my fallback-- I always wanted you."

"yeah, I want to, but... wouldn't it be weird?"

"don't act like you never thought about it before."

"I wish they could all know about us."

"you're the best mistake I ever made."

"no, I don't hate you... I'm angry, but I don't think I could ever really hate you."

"let's just stop now before anybody's feelings get hurt."

"don't get my hopes up if you're just gonna leave like everyone else."

"I can't let it end like this."

"if you do what you're told, you'll get a reward."

"what's gotten into you? you're being so... naughty."

"I think we're on a first name basis by now."

"don't do that... don't act like you don't feel this too."

"it was never just sex."

"I wish I'd met you sooner."

"you can tell me anything."

"why do we have to get out of bed again?"

"I think this is my favorite way to wake up."

"I was already yours."

"there's no way that was just a one-night thing."

"if you can look me in the eye and tell me you want me to go, I'll go."

"has anybody else ever made you feel like this?"

"it feels like we were made for each other."

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and I miss you."

"I have an idea to make them jealous."

"just one more kiss?"

"do you really expect me to believe this is what you want?"

"if you say you're happy with them, I'll believe you. or at least I'll try to."

"I can think of a more fun way you can thank me."

"no, I'm in charge tonight, remember?"

"if you keep doing that, this might end a little too soon."

"hey, you lost the bet, fair and square."

"stop imagining it!" "I'm sorry, but I can't get it out of my head!"

"it's too bad we never did. we would've been great together."

"I never thought I'd hear you talk like that."

"oh, fuck me--" "okay." "what? it's just a figure of speech..."

"were you joking? I wasn't joking."

"admit it: you had a crush on me!"

"I just need you to hold me right now."

"friends can cuddle, right?"

"I wouldn't have picked this for movie night if I'd known it had so many sex scenes..."

"they're great but... they're not you."

"I always thought it would be me and you in the end."

"you're not actually trying to convince me that was a friendly kiss, are you?"

"if you hate me so much, how come you keep coming back?"

"do you remember getting drunk and calling me last night?"

"I'm free tonight if you still need a date for that thing you're going to."

"I'd do anything for you."

"I think I finally get what all those love songs are about."

"it's weird being here again... so many memories."

"I wish you'd give me a chance."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"just come to dinner with me. it doesn't have to be weird."

"seeing you with them made me realize you should be with me."

"just ask yourself for once: what do you want?"

"okay, okay, I'll leave-- as soon as I can find my pants."

"we need to be more careful next time."

"wait, why are you in my bed? did we...?"

"I took you for granted, I know. but I want to treat you right this time."

"kiss me like you mean it."

"keep the lights on, I want to see you."

"is it just me, or does your celebrity crush look a lot like me?"

"we promised we wouldn't let this affect our friendship."

"no, don't cry-- if you start crying, I'll start crying!"

"I want to see my marks on you tomorrow."

"don't act innocent, it's not going to work with me."

"is this really turning you on? I'm not even doing anything."

"come look at the stars with me."

"I lov--" "no, don't say anything. you'll kill the moment."

"what happens next in your fantasy?"

"I probably shouldn't tell you this but... you were in my dream last night."

"why do you still wear the hoodie I left at your place?"

[divinesolas]

Deja vu Pt. 2

Summary: You have successfully secured your marriage with aemond. But what of his reaction? what of what your family will think? Secrets are spilled, feelings are all mixed up and you are thrown into the future that you now have no clue what will happen, what will happen will only be what you make of it.

w.c: 10k

c.w: spoilers for the future of hotd mentioned, a lot of feelings, father daemon, and some smut. not proofread

a.n: sorry this took forever pls let me know what you guys think!! <3

taglist: @venmondiese @a-mexican-waffle @alwaysholymilkshake @seabasscevans @darylandbethfanforever9 @chloe-skywalker @m-riaa (if i missed anyone im sorry)

part one part three masterlist - requests are open

It takes you awhile to stand up. You sort of just sit there for a while, unable to believe what has just happened.

He had touched you.

He had kissed you.

One of your hands shakily comes up and touches your bruised lips, allowing yourself to get some semblance. It had been real, if the slick that sticks to your thighs and the pulsing ache between your legs was not enough.

Your legs wobble as you try to stand, you actually end up falling back onto the bench before you successfully stand and slowly make your way back to your room. Your mind is a muck. You can’t think. Not right now. Hopefully not ever. You don't want to think about anything. Not about what had just happened. Not about the dinner that will occur later. Not about Him. Nothing at all.

You will nap before dinner, a part of you hoping you don't wake up. You finally manage to get there after an agonizing walk, not before stopping a maid and requesting a bath drawn for you. You can't stand the sticky feeling between your legs. When you enter the room you let out a sigh of relief. You just want to mentally escape from it all so you jump when you turn around and clutch your chest.

“kepa.”

You and daemon had a different relationship than his other children. Your three birth brothers had not taken to calling him father, not that daemon was not nice to them. He treated them well and made sure they grew up to be proper men, but it had felt awkward for them. Rhaenyra and daemon married so quickly after your “fathers” death and it just had made things awkward.

To his and especially your mother's surprise you had quickly taken to calling him father which he enjoyed. He ended up showering you with affections he would normally only save for his dragon. You had no issue with him, not feeling the awkwardness your brothers had, you had no clue why but it just had become a habit to calling him father. You tried to ignore the guilt you felt whenever you would look at rhaena, knowing of her now strained relationship with him yet you would always get to spend time with him.

The two of you stare at each other for a moment before he motions to the chair next to him and pats the cushion. You cannot deny him, he had made his way to your room and was sitting at your table. You sit down next to him, fiddling with your hands in your lap as you look anywhere but him. You have yet to speak to him since yesterday morning, making an effort to avoid him at all costs. You know he would question you, swiftly interrogated you.

“Kepa-” “Let me speak first.” You swiftly close your mouth and tense. He crosses his arms and leans back into his card, his gaze doesn't leave your face. “You will tell me why you have been acting so strangely.” “I have not-” “You will not lie to me girl.” You stay silent for a while, your world feels like it's closing in around you. You close your eyes tightly, hoping the world will open up and suck you in, that a bolt of lightning will come and strike you.

Suddenly a hand is places on your leg and your head shoots up, his face has changed into a softer one, only reserved for you. “Skoros iksos ziry ao issa zaldrīzes?” (what is it you my dragon?)

You look down at your lap and your whirlwind of emotions comes spilling out. You tell him everything. From lucerys death to blood and cheese to rooks rest and to your death. Your plans of what you are doing now, why you are trying to do this. Everything. Though you admittedly leave out some details like what had just occurred this afternoon... It feels good to finally tell someone whats been going through your head.

You don't know how long you had been talking but once you stop the room is dead silent. He says nothing for a while, putting his hand on his chin and he looks as of he’s in deep thought. You anxious watch his face, your hands pick and prodded at the fabric of your dress, pulling on loose threads. You must sound insane and he will tell you as such.

“I believe you.”

Your mouth opens in shock. He taps his fingers on the table as he speaks, “Of course those fucking hightower cunts would do that. i should go slit their throats right now.”

You shake your head as you try not to think about how your stomach churns at the thought of aemond dying.

“That would be a terrible idea.”

“And you would rather lucerys die?”

“My plan will work kepa i am certain of it plus you would be hung for treason.”

“Is it truly treason if i have good reason? nobody likes them anyway i would be deemed a hero.”

“You do not like them kepa you do not speak for everyone.”

“Are you saying you like them? You like aemond?”

You don't know anymore.

These last couple months you had hated him. You despise him. Wished him dead every moment. But when you were kids you thought he was sweet. He never did anything truly wrong to you personally though you understand your siblings distain for him. You would always reprimand your brothers for following with aegon’s schemes and usually got them to apologize to him.

Maybe you had affections for him you kept locked up for a long long time. When you had come back to the keep for the first time you had thought he was handsome and tried not to think any deeper than that. It was easy when you were so distracted by your brothers trial and he had pissed you off when he called you all bastards during the dinner.

This reminds you of something you had forgotten. Did he still call you a bastard? Would he mumble it under his breath as you walk away from him?

You are probably the most clueless person in the whole keep.

“Does it matter if i do?”

“Were you with him just now?”

You nod, a confused look gracing you face as he laughs to himself. “What?”

“I could tell you like him very much.”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“It is very obvious to tell when a lady has been fooling around with a man. You are lucky i am the only one who wished to see you this afternoon.”

You flush as his hand comes up and fiddles around with your hair. Was it truly that obvious? You had been sitting here this whole time and he knew?

“kepa-”

“i will not question you on your affairs. You are free to do as you wish,” He holds up his hand to stop you from speaking, “and i truly do not wish to think about that hightower cunt putting his hands on you. and hopefully it was just his hands.”

“Daemon!”

“So im just daemon now? im hurt.”

You lean back in your chair and a silence befalls you two once more. The door opens and you two turn your heads to the maid. “Your bath is ready princess.” You nod and wave her away, stating you wished to bath yourself this afternoon, because you would be embarrassed about how messy you must be but request someone sent in to help you get dressed. She nods and leaves swiftly.

You turn to daemon who stands and you follow suit. He grabs your arms and stares at you. “if you truly believe your plan will work i will advise you to try and put a wedge between himself and the rest of his family. He will choose them over you in a heartbeat. You must swiftly put in the effort and attempt to make him not trust them. However you see fit.”

He places a kiss on your forehead but before he can walk off you grab his arm, “You are not going to do anything stupid right?”

He merely smirks at you and that tells you all you need to know, letting go of his arm and not even bothering to watch him leave as you quickly make your way to the tub before undresses and submerging yourself to the steaming hot water.

You scrub and your scrub at any exposed skin you can reach hoping to scrub off whatever infectious potion he has laced into your skin. You can’t help but think about him, and attempt to ignore the way a heated pit forms in your stomach as you recall his words, his actions, what he had done to you.

You don’t know how to feel, you wish someone would come down and give you the answers you seek. Why did feelings have to be so complicated? You scrub until your skin turns red before throwing your head back against the tub and closing your eyes. He seemed rather eager to engage in your ‘affections’ you cant tell if it stems from him being able to tell you are trying to trick him or if he is genuine and wants you.

You had apparently fallen asleep and are woken to a maid shaking your shoulder concerned urging you out of the bath quickly as you had been in there far too long, your hands and feet had pruned. You look to the window and see the sun had set, were you truly in the tub for that long?

The maid holds the dress you had been wearing the last time you were at the dinner and an idea pops up into your head. “I wish to wear the newer dress.” She looks at you shocked, “Something big is happening tonight i should like to look my best.” You know this will cause the maids and the squires to talk and that's exactly what you want, you want them to be on edge this whole dinner, waiting for the bomb that will inevitably drop and by the look on the maids face as you grin happily you can tell this will be the talk of the keep halls.

You see the look of shock when you open your door on jacaerys face as he looks upon your outfit, “You,, look beautiful sister.” You smile and grab his arm, “and you look as proper as ever brother.” “Do not humor me.” “I am merely stating the truth.” You say with a laugh that has him glaring at you and pinching your arm causing you to yelp and slap his chest.

You soon enough walk into the dinning hall with lucerys and the dragon twins trailing behind you and immediately look to aemond who stands in front of aegon with a bored look. You freeze as you see him look at you and a light smirk befalls his face, you decide to be brave and keep your eyes on him as he stares for another long moment before he looks back. Aegon turns his head and looks at you with a tilt of his head before back to his brother and quickly back to you before turning once more and the two seemingly begun to be in a heated discussion.

You eyes however wonder off to otto who stands in a far, dark corner of the room a squire speaking into his ear before his eyes lock onto you and he looks worriedly back at otto before he bows and walks off. Otto looks over at you with what can only be interpreted as annoyance and curiosity, you merely wiggle your fingers at him in a little wave before you walk over to a seat. You choose to sit near lucerys in the hopes to keep his attention off of aemond though when you look at aemond as he sits you see that he does not look pleased.

You cannot worry about it now as viserys is brought in and alicent starts with a prayer. You look at aemond whos lost in prayer his hands folded neatly in front of him with his eye closed. He looks like a painting, like if someone had hand painted or a statue that someone had hand carved. It is rare to see a man as handsome as he is. Your eyes widen as he opens his eye to look at you before it closes again and you swiftly turn away from his direction to lucerys who is eyeing his plate but looks up at you and smiles.

Soon enough the food is brought and the on slot of speeches occur. It’s jarring to hear the same phrases and the same sentences heard over and over and over again. You merely continue to conversate with lucerys in the hopes aemond will not get irritated as he did last time. Something out of the ordinary does happen as viserys taps on his glass and everyone turns to look at him.

“In light of this beautiful day i would like to give one last final announcement.” You hold your breath and look to daemon who looks at you with a raised brow and a small chuckle. “I am so happy to know our families will join together once more with the engagement of my son aemond and rhaenyra's daughter y/n.” The table grows dead quiet. Even the staff in the room stops in their place at his words.

Alicent is the first to break it, “That is,,,” She struggles to finish her own sentence as she blinks rapidly, “So wonderful.” Rhaenyra straightens up in her seat and brushes her hand down the front of her dress letting out a confused sound before she speaks, “Yes, so wonderful, what brought on such a decision.”

“y/n had come to me and ask for permission herself.”

At this every head in the room turns in your direction, you let out an anxious laugh as you quickly wipe a drop of sweat that begins to run down your face and let a clearly forced smile grace your face.

Aegon quickly begins to laugh, almost falling out of seat as alicent leans forward to scold him. As daemon begins to chuckle rhaenyra places her hand on his arm, “Did you know about this?” He does not answer, continuing to merely shake his head as he takes another drink from his cup.

You look at the dragon twins and jacaerys who are staring at you with wide eyes while you feel lucerys place his hand on yours, “What is going on sister?” You shrug as you try your best to keep the smile on your face under their stares, “I do not know what you wish for me to say. You should remember what i said.” Jacaerys leans towards you his face furious, “But that should not mean you must marry the man!” His words are hushed yet angry but he seems to settle down a little as baela places a hand on his shoulder. You simply shake your head and do not dare to look at aemonds direction, instead choosing to fiddle around with the food on your plate.

You are so curious to know what he is thinking and you do not attempt to listen to their side of the table, instead as much as you hate it, focus on the scolding you are getting from your siblings and they do not seem to care you give them no response. Things around you finally begin to settle down as viserys is carried out the room and the room grows quiet again.

You grow more and more anxious as you watch helaena speak and know that in the past this is when the night began to fall apart. You rack your mind quickly as you try to decipher what to do. You still do not dare to look at aemond as if he would be any help. You do not bother to think before you act as you see jacaerys almost stand to go offer helaena a dance as you shoot up from you seat holding your cup as everyone stares at you. “I know everyone is sick of speeches but if i could give the last one.”

You relax as you see jacaerys settle into his seat and stare up at you as you take a deep shaky breath before you speak. “I would first and foremost like to acknowledge how wonderful it is to be here with everyone despite the unfortunate circumstances,” You let out a light laugh awkward laugh before continuing, “and i would mostly like to shout out my future husband.” You finally look at him.

He is as stoic as ever but he keeps his eye firm on you. You look for any sort of reaction from him but he merely continues to stare at you like you’re nothing and you lose your confidence, “um,,” You look to daemon who raises his eyebrows at you and his words from earlier come pummeling back into you.

He will choose them over you in a heartbeat. You must swiftly put in the effort and attempt to make him not trust them. However you see fit.

“Our union is a beautiful one, though my letters to you had gone unanswered, i am more than hopeful to make up for the lost time with a timeless bond we shall share. To us.” Your raise your glass to him as his eye widens and his head slowly turns to his mother and otto who look confused at your words and you sit down swiftly with a satisfied look.

Even if he does not like you, you believe letting him believe you had attempted to contact him the years you were apart and alicent or otto or both had hid it from him would be enough to atleast allow him to feel a bit of discomfort towards them, even though you knew it was not enough you would have to do more.

To your relief or maybe even your horror the night quickly closes after your speech and you are unsure of what to do now. This was uncharted territory. In the past you were quickly rushed to your room to pack up your stuff to leave but now you were saying a friendly goodnight to their side of the family and swiftly rushing out of the room before aemond or anyone for that matter could approach you.

You try your best to make it to your room, you can even see the door before you are suddenly scooped up and throw over his shoulder. “kepa put me down!”

“Your mother wishes to speak to you.” “I don’t want to.” you groan in defeat as you try to pull yourself off him but he keeps his arms firmly around you until you walk into a room and he places you down on the couch before taking a seat next to you.

You avoid eye contact with your mother who is pacing directly Infront of you. “I am very angry with you.” “I am sorry mother.” She runs his hands sown her face and stops pacing, standing straight at you with her arms crossed. “This is not something to take lightly you must consult me on these types of things.” “I’m sorry.”

You look down at your lap as you rethink over your decisions. Maybe you did not think this through. You should have talked to her atleast and now she has to deal with the stress of your rash decision. She sits down next to you and grabs your hands in hers. “Is this truly what you want?”

You don’t know anymore. Tonight went a lot better than you had expected. Well maybe it had only gone well because you had intervened when you did but maybe you did not need to marry him for this family to be salvaged. But you certainly cannot take it back now. Maybe you could, maybe they could convince viserys he had imagined the whole thing and you guys could go back to normal which meant the two of you would never speak.

Yet you cannot risk anything happening to your family.

“Yes it is mother.” She lets out a long breath and tightens her grip on you, “Then it is done.”

You let out a shaky breath as you put a grin on your face. You cannot tell how you feel but you are more curious about how he must feel about all this. He must be so confused and you hope he is at least pleased about it. Someone must be.

“Then we will return home in a few days and you can stay here-“

“no!”

You and daemon say at the same time, both of you sitting up in alarm and she leans back in shock looking between the two of you.

“what is with you two? is there something you aren’t telling me?”

the two of look at one another slowly before you turn back to rhaenyra.

“of course not.” “certainly not mother.”

She squints her eyes at the two of you, “are you sure?”

“definitely not.” “No no no.”

She moves on despite clearly not believing you guys. “Then we shall stay, if you so insist…”

you and daemon let a sigh of relief and she continues to look at you two confused. “I will let you two keep this secret you have for now but you will tell me the next time i ask you hear me?”

“yes mother.”

She leans over and cups your cheeks, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “now me and your father have much to discuss. Head straight to bed.” You nod and turn to your father placing a kiss on his cheek causing him to smile and grab your face lightly before you stand and say goodnight leaving the room.

You cannot wait to get back to room so you can finally relax for the first time this whole evening, quickly flopping onto your bed and trying to sleep having no regard to change out of your dress merely wishing to escape to the dream world. Now you were walking into this blind, you have so much false confidence as you knew how the events would play out but now you are more than lost. In the past you had been packing up your stuff to hop on a carriage back to dragonstone but now you were staying in the keep. Betrothed.

You had not thought this far clearly. You would be married. It was your duty of course and your mother had begun talking about finding you a suitor but you always brushed it off believing it to be a problem for future you. But future you is here and now you will have to do as women do and marry, lay on the birthing bed to have children.

You will think about this tomorrow. as you fade off into dream land, a small part of you hopes to meet him there.

“Aemond you must see reason they clearly are trying to manipulate you. I shall talk to the king and make him-” “There is no need.”

“Aemond! I will not allow you to marry that girl, you know what she is a b-” “Do not say it.”

Alicent is desperate to get aemond to care about this the way she does but aemond seemed so far away, simply staring at the wall not sparing her a glance. This was not the son she knew, the son she raised and she did not like that.

“Aemond please-“ “Did she truly send me letters?” Alicents blinks, shocked at his question, frozen in confusion, when he scoffs at her appearance and goes to stand she snaps out of it and stands with him. “Obviously she did not aemond. She is lying! I cannot believe you are allowing her to get into your head like this!” Aemond says nothing as she grabs his forearms and looks into his eye. “They are lying to you aemond this is scheme to get you to fall into their trap, to lure you int a false sense of security, son please.”

The two stand in silence for a good moment. The only words exchanged is another please escaping alicents lips. Yet he says nothing at all merely ripping his arms from her grip and fleeing from her room leaving her to call after him. He did not turn back and she flops down on the couch in defeat. Her head in her hands, what was she to do?

You wake up to maids urging you out of bed, scolding you for having fallen asleep in your night clothes and swiftly rushing you to a bath. For a moment you had forgotten about the events of last night and you were at peace until as you were getting dressed another maid came into the room.

“The queen has requested to have tea with you princess.”

You certainly cannot refuse a request from the queen no matter how sick it made you. As you are led there you try to run though any scenario you could think of, would she try to talk you out of the engagement? Would she berate you for lying about sending aemond letters? What if she was actually happy about the betrothal? no certainly not. You remember her clear distain at the idea of halaena and Jacaerys getting married and you’re certain she feels no different about you. maybe you could try and convince her it would be beneficial. But you have no benefits to your name and in truth neither does aemond. Both set to inherit nothing. Your brothers to claim driftmark and dragonstone you truly have nothing to your name other than your blood.

There were no benefits to marrying you. Similar to aemond but he could have a much better life, marry into one of the great houses and become the head of the house. You have stripped him of that, even in the past he was set to marry into house baratheon, though you know he does not honor these arrangements, and had prospects a plenty. And you have stripped him of that. You should be happy he is stuck marrying you for he has lost the ability to inherit anything, yet you cant find yourself happy you only feel sorry for him.

You mentally prepared so hard that when you walked into the room you are unsure what to do when you see your mother and alicent sitting side by side chatting with smiles on their face with aemond sitting opposite of them, a free chair besides him. When they see you they rush you over to sit down next to them, aemond stand and pulls out the chair for you. You let out a hushed thank you as you smile at him and he hums with a faint of smirk on his face as he looks you over before sitting back down himself.

You are poured a cup before the commotion begins once more. “Now that you’ve arrived we should talk about the pressing matters.” You gulp and glance at aemond who blinks. The two ladies flow back into the discussion they were in before, a light argument with both of them showing their stubborness. “It is tradition she be married in the ways of the old gods and it is valriyan traidition. Im sure your son would also like to be married in the way all his ancestors had been.” “And my son also follows the faith of the seven and it would be incredible disrespectful to him should he not be married under the seven.”

“Why dont we just do both?” They turn to you and you merely shrug. “we could do a smaller more intimate ceremony with just family on dragonstone before we have a more formal wedding in the grand sept or whatever its called. Its respectful for both of us and everyone is happy,” you turn to aemond who is already looking at you, “Right?” He hums once more and nods, “Though it matters not to me where we marry it is a good idea nonetheless.”

The two women contemplate the idea before alicent begrudgingly agrees. “It is not an awful idea. but it would be hard to secure the grand sept.” This has your mother turning to her confused. “why ever not?” “Aemond is my second son, we only got the grand sept for aegon because-“ “The high septon shall listen to me when i ask. She is my first daughter and is to be treated as such.”

So the two ladies were in agreement and you let out a sigh of relief. Though you could feel alicents stare burning into you whenever she thought you could not notice but she was more than obvious. Youre more than grateful for the two other people in the room for only the gods know what she would be saying to you should the two of you be alone.

they get so lost in their conversation they barely even notice the two of you. You cant help but glance at aemond and he appears bored, fiddling around with a coin between his fingers. you ignore the fact that your thighs squeeze together while you eye his fingers for a moment too long. “im sorry.” you cant help but say in a hushed voice in his direction. He looks upon you shocked, glancing quickly to his mother but the two barely notice him before he looks back at you. “whatever for?”

“for dropping this on you so suddenly. I was wrong not to consult you before asking grandsire.” You do not know why you feel so sorry now. He is the man who killed your brother for gods sake but now youre sitting here feeling sorry for him? His eye is wide as he looks at you blinking as if he had not heard you right. He takes a few moments to compose himself before he coughs lightly into the fist of his hand. “You should not apologize. I am more than happy that you had asked him about it.” You tilt your head as your heart pounds in your chest, “He probably would have rejected me when i would have asked. My mother would certainly never do it in my stead.” “You planned on asking him?” Your words are strained yet still hushed.

He leans in closer to you and you freeze. “If i have not been obvious enough with my affections then allow me to make them clear to you now. I planned on marrying you whether our family agreed or not. If you do not believe me i am more than happy to show you how i feel like how i had done in the garden.”

You flush as he pulls away. a rush of emotions flow into you, you’re sure your soaked under your dress right now but you cant think about that right now as the two women turn to look at you guys. “I believe it is best we wait a few months to even think about these weddings,” “And i say its best we begin the prep immediately there is no reason to wait but maybe it is best we wait.”

You cannot let them push the wedding back too far. You would even prefer if this union was set in stone right here right now. You worry what will happen within the family should you wait too long to marry. Luckily for you aemond steps in, “I see no reason for delay, wouldnt you like for our father to be present for the ceremony? If we wait too long who knows what could happen.”

You are more than happy he stepped in instead of you though you doubt his reasons for wanting to push the wedding up are as pure as your reasoning is. Alicent, despite the flash of irritation that crosses her face a sad look graces it in its stead and she nods in agreement. “You are right. yet i doubt he would be able to travel to dragonstone in his condition.” “He could travel to the grand sept no? Im sure it would make him more than happy if he could be there.” Alicent looks at rhaenyra before she nods her head, “yes i suppose he could.” “then the matter is settle, we shall have a wedding in the grand sept and the celebrations here then travel to dragonstone where they shall be married and then they could even stay on dragonstone for a few days by themselves it could be a little trip for them.”

You blush at the idea of being in your childhood home with just aemond. Alone. As a married couple. You dare glance at him again and he has a pleased look on his face. his eye reaches yours and the smirk on his face grows at your embarrassed expression. You cannot believe this. “That sounds lovely.” Alicents words are strained but she makes no complaints, realizing it is a 3 vs 1 situation she only looks to rhaenyra. “And when would we be having these ceremonies?” “I see no reason why we cannot have it in two weeks time.” A lump suddenly grows in your throat and you cough into your elbow. ”Two weeks? That is ridiculous! Imagine what the people would think, they would think that…” Alicents words trail off as rhaenyra looks at her with a pointed look and she takes a deep breath. She does have a point as much as you hate to admit it. If you were to announce a sudden wedding the people would certain think the worst, probably that he had gotten you pregnant and you were forced to marry. You certainly cannot handle that. “What if we say we have been betrothed since childhood but are finally getting married now that aemond is older?” Alicent certainly tries her best not to glare at you though you dont let her know shes doing a terrible job yet your mother nods. “Thats perfect. Then its settled yes?”

Everyone at the table, though alicent is reluctant, nods their head in agreement and rhaenyra smiles. “Then me and the queen have a lot to discuss so you two are dismissed.” You go to stand with aemond and your mother turns to you, “Tomorrow i will call you down for the wedding planning.” You nod and bow at alicent with a pleased look as you leave, aemond trailing behind you.

You let out a breath of relief after the meeting. You did not know if viserys would live to the next two weeks you did not even know if he would live to tomorrow. But atleast you knew you would be in the keep when it happened. but whatever happens after that you’re sure your father has it figured out. You barely even notice aemond is walking beside you, your head almost spinning from relief. When you grip your head he turns to you, “Are you alright?” You nod but he seems insistent, grabbing your arm and leading you to sit down on one of the benches aligning the walls.

You lightly thank him while he kneels in front of you, pressing a hand in front of you forehead. “You dont feel warm.” He mumbles more so to himself, you close your eyes and press your head against his hand, the warmth of his hands feels nice against your skin. When you flutter your eyes open he has a smug look on his face so you full back and roll your eyes. Suddenly you realize how reminiscent of the garden the position you two are in now and flush, turning away from him.

He chuckles at your expression , “I did not know my lady was of such an indecent mind.” You glare at him, “And how does the prime and perfect prince know what i am thinking of?” A familiar look graces his eye and he leans in closer to you. you hold you breath as his smirk grows. “Because i am thinking the same thing. No i am thinking much much worse things.”

His words are hushed like they are forbiden they should be forbidden, for the way you shift in your seat and the pounding of your heart. He almost goes into kiss you before his eye widens and he stands. Footsteps.

“Aemond.” helaena looks upon you and smiles, “Good sister.” You smile back at her as best you can and let out a shaky breath, “Princess.” “Please we are to be sisters, you should refer to me as such.” You nod and let a real smile grace your face at her kindness. You have always liked helaena for she has always been kind unlike her brothers. Your eyes widen when you see she is holding jaehaerys, memories of hearing of his death flash in front of you and you try not to let your surprise show on your face. “As you wish good sister.” A big smile grows on her face at your words. “I have always wanted a sister, i am glad you shall be joining us here in the keep.”

You are not shocked to hear she does not consider rhaenyra her sister why would she? But it does rattle you back to earth and remind you why you are doing all this in the first place. For her. Your mother. to prevent a future that might kill her, that would kill you kill you all. You cannot afford to be blinded by pretty words and shove whatever feelings you had down. Standing up you run your hands along your skirt and put on your nicest face. “I am more than happy to be becoming your sister then. Do you have any plans this afternoon?” “I am to take jaehaerys to his lesson then i suppose i am free.” “Then let us chat this afternoon? just us girls.” You add in fear of aemond attempting to insert himself where you fear he will be. She nods eagerly, “Join me in taking him then.” You nod and politely bow to aemond, not missing the gleam in his eye before joining helaena and walking off. “Enjoy your afternoon.”

You do not turn back at his words but helaena does and sends him a smile. His words rattle you more than you would like to admit. You listen to helaena talk about whatever she wished to with a smile, you should not only focus on getting in good graces with aemond it should have always been a priority to focus on earning the good will of the others aswell. You will never gain otto or alicents but helaena and maybe even aegon you could certainly swing in your favor.

Your next few days follow a simply routine, you wake up, eat breakfast with your family, join helaena for stitching, avoid aemond as much as possible though it is easy with him keeping to his sword work and his books, wedding plan with your mother and alicent in the afternoon then eat dinner with the hightowers where you would make conversation with aegon when no one else would. It was simple yet you felt like you were walking on borrowed time each and everyday. You felt a sense of anxiety with every move you made, like someone was waiting for you to slip up, you were waiting every moment for the ball to drop, for viserys to die. Yet it did not happen. The wedding approached closer and closer the beginning of the festivities would begin tomorrow and he was still alive and well, as well as he can be.

You had finished breakfast and were walking to go see helaena but freeze as he stands in the hall, pacing back and forth with his hands behind his back. At the sounds of your footsteps he looks up at you and stands tall, staring at you. “My lady.” You bow your head, “My prince.” You walk forward towards him and he keeps his position, his eye trailing your every move. You have not spoken much to him, enough to keep civil and keep his attention but not enough for anything really to occur between the two of you, merely small chatter. You intend to keep it that way and move to walk past him, “Good day-” “I wish for you to join me today.” You freeze in your movement and keep you back to him.

You do not know what to do. It would be wrong to refuse him but you are nervous you may not be able to control yourself should you be alone with him. “Helaena is preoccupied this day, and, call me selfish but i wish to hear my future wife say more than five words to me today, if that is acceptable.” The tone in his voice tells you he has a wicked face on and he is content knowing he has called you out. You take a deep breath and turn around, “Of course my prince. I shall join you.”

“Call me Aemond,” He hums as he looks down at your outfit, “I would say put on your riding gear but i am sure you do not have any. This dress with do. Come.” He offers you his arm and you nervously take it, his words worrying you. “Where are we going?” When you to not grab his arm he laces his fingers with yours and begins to walk you two down the hall. “You are to be my wife you shall meet vhagar, she is eager to take a ride.”

You almost argue you do have riding gear until you remember you do not have a dragon. You did not claim one until the war when you claimed a wild one. Your heart aches at the memory but it is only shoved down at the anxiety that trails its way up. “No certainly not. i will do no such thing.” He smiles at your reluctance and continues to urge you along outside of the keep and you walk along a path covered with trees.

“Do not fret i will not allow any harm to come to you. I simply wish to spend some time with you.” “and you wish to do that on a dragon? why can you not train for today yes? I will sit in the courtyard and watch you all day! there is to be a tourney tomorrow you know.” You do not wish to do this, growing more annoyed with every step you take. “Yes a tourney i am more than sure to win in your honor.” His chest is puffed and he looks straight ahead with the confidence of a true dragon.

You scoff, his overconfidence is something you allowed to slip past your mind. “You have never fought in a tourney aemond.” “so you believe i will lose? where has the kind women who sung my praises gone hmm?” Your eyes widen at his words. You have been a fool! allowing yourself to get too comfortable with him. “Forgive me aemond i-” He switfly cuts you off and is pleased at your nervous look. “No no please continue i am so eager to hear what you truly think of me.” You pause and rethink what you will do what you will say. You cannot afford to mess this up with time so fragile.

“Allow me to apologize, i have been denying myself from seeing you, for i fear what i will do should i.” This has him shocked and you smile as you gain the upperhand, he blinks before a smile graces his face pulling you closer to him his grip on your hand tightening. “I am glad we are one in the same.” You are certainly not one in the same but you are also certainly not lying. You do fear what you will do, how you will allow yourself to lose control. It frightened you how much he could do to you.

You freeze as you stand in front of vhagar, she leans to eye you down and you take a step back while aemond speaks to her. He grabs your hand and places it on her nose and she lets out a long breath. “She likes you.” You scoff and shake your head, “I bet she wants to eat me.” “She does not eat people.” Your mind reels back to lucerys and you sigh, gripping at your chest. “Dragons can do anything.” His brow is raised in question but does not dare to say anything. He allows you to get familiar with vhagar and you cannot find yourself to relax despite the fact she is making no clear moves to harm you and does not intent to. He watches you as you shake still in fear and he moves to grab you gently, turning you to him. “If you wish we turn back now we can, i will not force you.”

He once again gives you an out as he always does, whenever you try so hard to make him a bad guy in your head he always twists and turns the story where you end up feeling back for misleading him. You nod and attempt to stand tall and confidence. “I will go.” You will do what you have to, for your family, and it does not hurt that the genuine smiles that graces his face is gorgeous.

He assists you on her and moves to sit behind you, grabbing your hands and covering them with his as he grabs the handles. You already feel as though you are way to far up but when aemond calls for her to rise and fly you close your eyes as the winds hit your face. The only sounds you hear as the flapping of vhagars wings as you soar higher and higher. You do not dare open them despite the fact you have spent the last couple months dragon riding. You fear you will be reminded of your last moments in the sky before you had fallen off, your breath quickens and his head falls on your shoulder, his lips right next to your ears sending shivers down your spine when he speaks. “Open your eyes.”

You do and it is glorious. Riding around the areas of kings landing are much more gorgeous than war. When you look around you do not see smoke you do not hear the sounds of metal crashing and screams and shouts, what you see is beautiful waters and lands and what you hear is merely the rippling's of the wings and the sound of Aemond breathing. “Its wonderful.” He hum and presses a kiss against your neck, “there is nothing more wonderful than this.” You hope he means flying. You are sure he means flying. You gulp and keep your head straight, taking in the sight around you instead of focusing on him. “I get why you do this so often.” “It clears my mind, you should join me when i fly.” Certainly not. You will not yet you do not find yourself refusing. You say nothing as you continue staring out the scenery before you.

The two of you are silent for awhile simply taking in the sky until his hands leave the tops of yours and wrap around your waist instead. “What are you doing?” “I wish to thank you.” “whatever for?” “for wishing to marry me,” you freeze as you begin to sweat despite the cool air hitting you.

“I, am no more than a second son. A cripple. Yet you asked for my hand despite that. When i have nothing to my name other than the one you already share. So thank you.” Your heart shatters. You begin to feel an ache in your chest and you close your eyes and lean into him. You feel awful. Sick to your stomach. He does truly seem to care for you and that makes everything far worse. You cant help but think to yourself would it be so bad to love him? to allow yourself to truly be happy in your marriage and your future together? The man behind you is not the man who killed your brother at least not in this life. or maybe not yet.

Yet you cannot help but turn around to look at him, he pulls away and keeps a firm grip on your hips as he stares at you, a far away look in his eye. “I wish you would not thank me.” “Why not? You have done more for me than you know i merely wish to honor you the way you deserve.” You shake your head and let out a weak no, he must not continue for it hurts too much. “Please don’t,” “I will, i will until i can no longer breath, i will do anything for you.” He presses your foreheads together and you should swiftly pull away from him, turn away and keep yourself locked up tight but you allow him to despite what your head was saying because it is what your heart wished for. “I can offer you nothing.” You say in return as you hope its true, not just in titles in lands in anything but you pray you cannot return his feelings either. Yet he simple rubs his nose against yours and you let out a shuddering breath. “I do not care.”

Your hands find his face and he pulls away from you. You simply stare at him, your eye falling to his eyepatch which he is quick to notice and goes to pull it away from his face. You stop him, “You do not have to, if you do not wish.” He smiles and pulls it away from his face. You are gasp lightly at the glimmering sapphire in his eye. You run your hand under his eye and he leans into your hand. “it is beautiful. You are beautiful.” He shakes his head and presses his forehead against yours. “There is no one more beautiful than you.”

He kisses you. It is not similar to the past kiss you have shared. This kiss is simpler, one made of pure love. Like he is pouring himself into you and you drink every drop of it up. In this one moment nothing else matters. Not the past present or the future just you and aemond above the world. You ignore every worry, every voice in your head telling you this is wrong. Just the feeling of his lips on your and the grip of his hands on your hips. His lips leave yours and trail down the side of your jaw down your neck, licking and sucking at the skin he can reach. Your hands grip his shoulders and you are pulled even closer to him as you revel in the pleasure. His lips trail back up to reach yours once more as one of hands leaves your waist and trails under your dress.

You let out some heaving breaths as he pulls away from you. “Allow me to make my debts right. To give you what you are owed.” You do not even think before you nod, without a care in the world as he presses his lips against yours against he trails his fingers along your slit. Unlike last time he barely wastes anytime before two fingers enter your and you let out a long moan that aemond drinks up as his tongue finds its way in your mouth. You have never felt like this before, with the rushing winds and the feeling of his course fingers inside your walls, his thumb toying with your clit. Aemond pulls away from your lips and you drop your head into his shoulder as he continues his movements inside you.

“You feel so good my sweet, fuck i will never tire of this.” You feel in slip in a third finger causing you to hiss at the stretch. You can focus on nothing other than the way he’s making you feel, you had thought the garden was the best it would get but somehow this was even better, you feel that pit in your stomach grow and grow leading you to bite into the fabric covering his shoulder to silence your only growing moans. “I want to hear you my sweet,” And he certainly hears you, with your battered breaths and shaky moans right next to his ear you can feel himself harden against you. You almost wonder if you should help him but being so close to your release you only think of yourself.

“Aemond,,” “my sweet give me what i desire, cum.” His thumb against your clit quickens and you shake as you drip all over his fingers. They stay inside you for a moment, allowing you to settle in your release before he speaks to vhagar to have you land before he removes his fingers and you watch mesmerized as he takes each one in his hands, licking even at his palm to remove some that had dripped down. “Does it truly taste that good?” He hums with his eye closed as he pops the last finger from his mouth. “absolutely divine.”

You had not even notice you had been flying back to where you had taken off. He must have been steering with his free hand. He basically has to carry you off of vhagar as you legs do not seem to be working. You say nothing to one another until you are off the ground and you eye his hardness. “Do you not need any help with that?” That annoying smirk graces his face and he shakes his head. “I would not want a pretty little innocent girl like you to partake in such terrible terrible sins.” You roll your eyes at his words despite your shaky legs begin to walk away from him which he quickly catches up with you. The rest of your walk is in silence and he walks you back to your room and wishes you a good day until dinner before he leaves and you walk into your room before leaning against your door and letting out a shaky breath.

what were you going to do?

You quickly request a bath before stating that you will take a nap before dinner and sleep finds you quickly. Your dreams are filled of you and aemond, similar to how you had been this afternoon and you lose yourself in them. You had apparently been so lost when you open your eyes it is well past dinner and the sky is as dark as can be. You turn to the other side and hope that when you try to fall back asleep you can but a piece of paper on your bedside table as you sitting up.

meet me in the library.

No name attached to it and you think it could possible be aemond. but what could he want from you at an hour like this? certainly nothing good. You throw on a cloak and walk yourself to the library, with every step you take you grow more and more nervous. Yet when you enter the library and walk around the empty walls of books you let out a sigh of relief at the man you see. “kepa.” he turns to you, his face illuminated by the candle in front of him and he crosses his arms as he turns to face you a look you cannot read present on his face.

“What is that look for?” “You like him.” You flinch like he had yelled at you and you fiddle around with your cloak. “I do not.” Your father takes a few steps towards you and stares you down. his tone angrier but his words are still hushed “I have begged you to be careful.” You shrug and grow annoyed at his accusations, “I have father.” “You say you have yet i am staring at the face of a girl who is walking herself directly into a hightower trap.”

You let out a frustrated noise and throw your hands up as you take a couple steps back. You do not know why you are so annoyed by his words. Maybe it is because you feel he is undermining you and does not trust you. Or maybe its because you feel called out by him. You do not know what you feel or what you think about him anymore. Maybe you really are walking into some elaborate trick. Or maybe youre not. You have no clue anymore.

You snap. And you yell at him depsite the fact you do not mean to.

“I am doing exactly what i must do for our family. I do not like him i am not falling into some trick everything i am doing is for us! so screw him and if i have to pretend i love him for the rest of my life then i will because i am doing it for us!”

The two of you are silent as you stare each other down. You do not know what came over you but you merely wish to leave this conversation and for him to leave you alone. The sound of footsteps has you freezing in place. You turn your head and see him. He does not look at you, either of you in fact. Simply placing a book back on the shelf and grabbing another. “Aemond wait i-” He does not turn to you as you speak. You watch as he merely begins to walk away. You almost run after him, but you feel so stuck in your place. He heard that. He had to have. You cant even be bothered to care that everything you have worked so hard for might have just been crumbled when the only thing you can think about is how he must feel.

He laid his heart before you and you have done nothing but squash it like a bug. Maybe it was a trick maybe it wasn’t but you can’t help but fear it was. Maybe you should hope it wasnt for you cant imagine how hurt he would feel should he has been genuine. You should hope he is exactly how your father pictures him to be. The aemond you know of the future. The evil man who murdered your brother and calls your bastards at every breath. Though deep down you know he is not.

You cannot breath. The air escaping you as you stumble your way to the table and stare at the wood as your head spins. You sit down in one of the chairs as you look at your father with worried eyes. He runs his hand along his jaw and he shakes his head. He does not know what to do. And neither do you.

Your wedding festivities start tomorrow if there even is still to be a wedding at all now. He has the proof he needs to go to his mother and she would swiftly put a stop to this as she has been dying to do. Would you be kicked out of the keep? would all your efforts be in vain? Would he hate you? if he didnt before he must now. He must despise you. For tricking him and rightfully so. You are a monster. But a monster who had been in the right. Everything you are doing is for your family. But your heart aches for him as you press your head against the cold wood of the table.

“We are royally fucked.”

You cannot disagree with him.

[deadpresidents]

I just hope these next 4 years go by fast

This election isn't just about the next four years. With Trump in the White House and a Republican Senate at his side, the MAGA movement can pick up where they left off when it comes to packing the federal judiciary with right-wing judges who will control the Supreme Court and appellate courts throughout the country potentially for the rest of the lives of everyone reading this right now. It's the perfect recipe for them to continue stripping reproductive rights away from women nationwide and gives them the opportunity to turn their attention to the other issues that they have been dying to attack, from voting rights to gay marriage and every other extension of personal freedom that has been won by minorities and marginalized people in hard-fought battles over the past 60 years. This is the nightmare scenario that people have been warning folks about for the past few elections. It's here. And there isn't going to be a way to put the toothpaste back in the tube.

The consequences of this election will have a direct, negative impact on your life -- possibly on the entire remainder of your life. This country just re-elected a President with authoritarian tendencies who is the willing puppet of a dangerous Christian nationalist movement that figured out exactly how to manipulate him (through flattery) for their aims. They have created the perfect vehicle for a genuine cult of personality that they can use to achieve the goals they have been very clear about striving for over the past few years. And you can't blame anybody other than the American voters because they not only elected Trump, but they gave him a fucking mandate, with a Republican Senate and potentially a Republican House. They already have a right-wing dominated Supreme Court for the next few decades, and now they are going to ensure that the entire federal judiciary is in their control for years to come. And don't forget the fact that a few months ago, the Supreme Court handed down a decision that gave Presidents sweeping immunity for a broad (and conveniently undefined) range of "official" acts, so Trump is going to go into this second term knowing that not only does he not have to deal with the "guardrails" of responsible adults he had around him in his first term (Mattis, Tillerson, Kelly, General Milley, etc), but he knows he can get away with virtually anything and everything that he wants to do this time around. If you thought that Trump's first term was bad, just understand that they are prepared this time and now he's surrounded himself with people who will do his bidding -- people who are perfectly willing to let Trump be Donald Trump.

I wish there was a reason to cry foul, lodge protests, and challenge the election's results. But this wasn't a rigged election. There isn't any confusion about what the voters really wanted. The American people did this. People you know and care about and who say they care about you are the people who did this. We need to recognize that these elections aren't outliers anymore. Trump's supporters aren't simply chaos agents who got lucky on a bad day for the Democrats. That's the country we live in now and we have to find a way to resist it that actually makes a difference because now they have the keys to all the doors and all of the alarm codes. This country has normalized the conspiracy theories and nativism and racism that has powered the MAGA movement since the moment Trump came down the elevator at Trump Tower in 2015. He's given those people permission to be open with their hatred towards people who aren't like them, and it's actually become surprising to see how many Americans have been eager to take advantage of that. I didn't think I had any misconceptions about this country before Donald Trump because I recognized this nation's history, but I clearly had some misconceptions about people I thought I knew until I saw them wearing a red MAGA hat or noticed they had a gigantic flag with Trump's name hanging where their U.S. flag used to hang. Once that happened, it was like a switch went off with them and they started saying things in ways that I'd never heard them speak. I feel like that's happened to the entire country. It breaks my heart and it pisses me off.

For the past few years, I've been warning everybody about how elections have consequences. I imagine that there are hundreds of posts on this blog with that phrase in all caps listed with the tags. Now the elections have happened, and we have to live with real fucking consequences. And we're going to pass these consequences on to other generations because this is the one that you can't get a do-over on. When you give a movement like this the power and the mandate that this country just gave them, there is no easily rolling back the things that they end up doing. They are going to fundamentally change the lives of people in this nation and especially change the way the younger generations of Americans live and love and learn for years to come. And you have people in your life who made that happen. It's another disgusting day in America -- a prelude to another reprehensible four years (at the very least) -- and I'm ashamed of tens of millions of my fellow Americans because this one is on them. They know exactly who the man is that they voted for, and now we know exactly who they are, too.

[yandere--stuck]

Imagine confessing to Joker that, sometimes, you do feel a bit crazy. He'd been wheedling it out of you for hours now, continuously and obviously guiding you to the idea that there had to be something special about you to catch his eye. Something about you that stuck out like a sore thumb, and not just to him. Something innate about you that drew him toward you.

“There has to be something, my dear,” Joker had said. “I don't exactly attract the most normal company.”

You tried noncommittal answers at first. Really, the only person who'd know why he'd fallen for you (so he claimed) would be him. And hadn't he claimed to know everything about you already? God only knew how he'd gotten your information, but it didn't surprise you considering the man holding you captive. Even still, The Joker kept pestering you for your thoughts. Your mind was just so fascinating to him. 

So, you relented, even if just to appease him. You watched his grin widen, and the smile reached his eyes as they crinkled in delight. The clown hanging onto every word. 

Sometimes, you did feel crazy. Like the world didn't really make sense. Everyone else had a set of instructions on how to navigate the world that you never got. How did everybody else know how to start a conversation without a shock of anxiety washing over them? How did others have the ability to get up out of bed when you couldn't find the strength to? How did anybody find consistent meaning and purpose in their lives.

Even when you tried to pretend to be like them, it fell apart so quickly. It was so hard to keep on top of things. So hard to stay organized and stable and motivated. And you were so aware of the act you were putting on. So was everybody else, you were sure of it. You were sure they could tell, as if they thought of you as something not quite human and just something pretending to be. Something to tolerate until it crawled back to where it came from, another failed attempt to infiltrate their ranks.

You didn't even know what made you stand out to The Joker of all people - especially for anything outside of a murder attempt. You purposefully tried not to stand out. It made it harder to detect how different you were so long as you kept your emotions and thoughts close to your chest. No chance for embarrassment if no one ever got close enough to embarrass you again. 

Joker raised a hand to stop you, resting his hand on your shoulder. The green of his eyes held surprising softness before flashing with mischief.

“How about we give those fools something to really be scared of?” The Clown flashed a grin, raising a small contraption in his hands.

“What the Hell is that?” You blurted out.

The metal thing was the same size and shape of a small ball, painted an acidic green and electric purple. Wiring covered the thing, either wrapped around the outside or sprouting up like weeds from within. A small LED display screen was centered in the middle, left blank.

“A bomb,” Joker grinned. “I figured it'd be thematically appropriate.”

“Get that thing away from me!”

“Oh, come now, it's not even armed.”

As if to prove his point, Joker tossed the bomb aside, letting it roll across the floor. He paused for a ment, raising a hand to his chin in thought. Then, he seemed to light up, snapping his fingers. 

“Oh, of course, you'd want to deal with ‘em up close and personal!” Then, with a flourish, Joker pulled a gun from seemingly out of nowhere. He threw his head back as a chorus of laughter erupted from within. 

“Stop!” You spluttered, backing away. “I don't want to hurt anyone!”

Joker stayed put and simply blinked, brows furrowing. He tilted his head. “Why?”

“Because- because you can't just hurt people! It's wrong.”

“No, it's what they told you is wrong,” The Clown's hands balled into fists. “They force you to play by their rules, then punish you for losing at a game you're not designed to win. They wear you down to the bone and know you won't fight back, so they get to walk all over you."

“That's not true.”

“Don't lie to yourself, Darling. I'm saying this all to help you. I want to help you finally fight back. Everything you've gone through has all been leading to this moment.”

“I can't,” You held your ground. “I won't.”

The Clown stared you down. His eyes held an emotion you couldn't quote register. He wasn't frowning exactly, but he certainly wasn't smiling.

You nearly jumped when Joker suddenly crossed the room. The sound of his footsteps mirrored the thundering of your own heartbeat. It muffled all thoughts as electric panic ripped through your veins and left you petrified in place. Not like you could escape, anyway.

You tried to calm your breathing, but hot, panting breaths kept escaping you, chest rising and falling erratically. You could hardly keep yourself composed enough to look him in the eye. And when you did, somehow it was worse than expected. The expression on his face and look in his eyes wasn't one of murderous intent. Not one of rage. Hell, he didn't even look disappointed.

No. His expression was one of pity.

He swept you into an embrace. One arm curled around your back, hand still holding his pistol. You could feel the cold of the metal pressing against the small of your back. Another hand came up to push your head closer to his chest. 

Joker lamented. “Oh, my poor little maniac. It's so sad to see what they've done to you. If only I had saved you sooner.”

You didn't respond, hoping the excuse of being smothered into his jacket would be enough for him to not demand a reply. You felt the slow rise of Joker's chest pressing against you, then sank back as he exhaled a sigh. A gloved hand petted at your head soothingly.

“You're just like Bats, you know,” he said. “These barriers you put up for yourselves are so small, but you give them so much power. And I just don't understand why.”

You paused, giving yourself time to think before mumbling into the fabric of his jacket, “Because it's the right thing to do.”

When you glanced up at him, the look of condescension on the Clown's face was nearly enough to forgo any ideas of self-preservation or pacifism. Nearly. The last thing you'd want to do is prove him right.

“They're never going to see you as normal, you know that, right?” He pressed. “You'll never really be one of them. Like a square peg trying to squeeze itself into a round hole. I don't see why you're so caught up in silly things like morality when it clearly hasn't helped you yet. It certainly doesn't seem like a concern for any of them.”

You didn't want to talk about this anymore. You didn't want to think anymore. You just wanted to find some cold comfort in the embrace of another. 

A pair of lips pressed against the crown of your head. You flinched in his hold, burying yourself further into his grasp. Maybe you could just disappear. 

“It's so sad to see you sabotage your own potential like this,” The Joker continued, voice taking on a lighter tone. “But it's okay. I'm here to take care of you. And I'll keep taking care of you until you can become who you were always meant to be. Because I love you, I really do.”

Yeah, right.

Still, you wished he made it harder to believe otherwise.