#i can't believe dean and cas made out!

[purgaytorysupremacy]

oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.

recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)

because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.

and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).

Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.

at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.

something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.

Cas never knew.

Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.

but Cas never knew.

the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.

so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.

this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?

nah.

true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.

[godjustkys]

| mdni 18+

| SUPERNATURAL headcanons

please give requests.

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RATED: NSFW

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STATUS: You're already in a relationship.

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Request: none, I wrote it myself on February 23rd.

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Dean:

1 - He might not admit it, but god does he love being bent over;

2 - He is SO FUCKING LOUD. When he's on top, he mostly groans, occasionally moans, but when he's on bottom,, the whimpers, whines and moans that escape his mouth is unbelievable;

3 - Praise him and he's on his knees for you;

4 - If you EVER put on a cowboy costume and you have the cowboy boots on... he's hot and bothered the moment he lays his eyes on you;

5 - LOVES pulling on your hair during intercourse;

6 - If the two of you are having sex and he's overwhelmed, he'll grab a pillow to hold onto or grip the sheets;

7 - You two have fucked in the back of Baby.. per Dean's request.. (surprisingly.);

8 - Once, in the heat of the moment, you started facefucking Dean while he was giving you a blowjob and ever since that happened, it's been his favourite thing about sex;

9 - You manhandling him is his guilty pleasure;

10 - At the start of the relationship, Dean believed that it would kind of be a switch-switch situation during sex. When you fucked for the first time, Dean was riding you and his legs started shaking. At that moment, he was thinking about getting off of you, but when you grabbed his hips and made him ride you up until the end, he gave up on that thought.

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Sam:

1 - He is not loud at all. Sure, a couple moans here and there but it's mostly just heavy breathing or grunts. Unless he's overstimulated;

2 - Whenever he's horny, he won't make it clear to you. He just gets all grumpy and grouchy;

3 - Unlike Dean, when he's overwhelmed, he'll hold onto you. And he'll scratch the living hell out of your back;

4 - If you mess with his hair during sex, so much as pull on it, he will moan;

5 - Once, when Sam got back from a hunt with an unconscious Dean, you scolded him and he got hard. (involuntarily);

6 - Sam insisted on trying mirror sex - lo and behold, he had his face buried in the sheets for the majority of it (when you didn't hold his head up). Why? He was embarrassed;

7 - During a hunt, Sam got really grumpy. You had to do something about it because Dean's taunting demeanour would set him off immediately, so you just dragged Sam into the bathroom, when Dean was out, for a quickie. It worked wonders;

8 - You had a habit of not caring about shortness of breath when kissing, so when you first made out with Sam, he thought he was gonna pass out. (He was overreacting, he was nowhere close to passing out);

9 - He LOVES it when you're bold and straightforward, it turns him on so much;

10 - His whole body starts shaking due to pleasure if you focus on his chest and neck too much.

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Castiel:

1 - If he's in the mood for it, he won't tell you. He will just stare at you until you figure it out yourself;

2 - If there is a moment when Castiel doesn't put his hands on your chest or stare at it, consider it a miracle;

3 - He cannot comprehend why he can't form coherent sentences during intercourse. He says "it must be some kind of curse". In reality, he's just too into it to care enough about speaking properly, but he does not realize it;

4 - Castiel does not realize how much you being rough with him turns him on. Degrade him for a couple seconds and he's hard;

5 - During sex, he holds onto you so tightly with his hands that a lot of the time, they leave bruises. Once, he noticed them and asked what happened. When you told him that they were from him, he just looked at you confused and said: "I never hit you?";

6 - Even though you being rough riles him up a lot, he prefers soft and gentle sex.

7 - When the four of you, you, Sam, Dean and Castiel were riding in Baby (you and Cas in the back seat), you decided to just lay your head in Castiel's lap and get comfortable. He was your boyfriend after all. It was fine at first, you even closed your eyes. Then suddenly, Castiel pushed you off. You sat up looking at him puzzled. He just gave you glare as he looked out of the window and covered his crotch. (Inconvenient places to get hard #2);

8 - He knows how mad it drives you when he gives you that soft innocent look during sex, it just makes you want to go rougher on him;

9 - He once asked you to 'rail him' without knowing what it meant. When you explained it to him, he replied with "oh, okay. So will you?";

10 - He finds your hands (minus your chest) the most attractive thing in the world. He WILL stare at your hands during intercourse because he wants them on him 24/7.

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A/n: if you want any of these headcanons to be made into a oneshot, please let me know. <3

[wellofdean]

Here's what sticks in my craw: why ON EARTH does fanon imagine that Cas has 'self-esteem issues' and experiences his love for Dean as a wet, miserable kind of yearning? What is it about any part of anything that happens on Supernatural makes anyone think that Cas, a cosmic, Eldritch being, a warrior of god, who literally hung the stars and has existed for a bazillion years, is reduced to teenage angst by Dean's pussy?

Like, when Cas says "the one thing I want I know I can't have" why do y'all think it's a piece of Dean's ass? Why does ANYONE think Cas doesn't know Dean loves him? Dean has shown Cas he loves him with literally everything he has again and again and again. Even the way Dean feels like Cas can absorb his anger is Dean showing Cas love and trust. Cas and Dean have chosen each other, forgiven each other, and been the only reliable thing in each others' lives over, and over and over again. Cas fucking knows that Dean loves him. Cas can literally hear Dean's thoughts, and feel his yearning. Cas was only saying the quiet part out loud when he said he loved Dean, because it was already obvious! If there was anyone feeling wet and lovesick, it would be DEAN, if he ever had a break in the battle to fucking feel things, which he did not.

Like, hear me out: what if the one thing Cas knows he can't have is the one thing he knows he signed over to the empty? His happiness, and by extension, Dean's, because he knows Dean loves him? What if Cas is saying: I know I can't have this thing I want for myself: to be the one to MAKE YOU HAPPY, but I can save you, and maybe Cas's belief in Dean is such that he still hopes and believes Dean will find a way to make himself happy if he lives.

After Cas's death, Dean is trying to live for him. Trying to be what Cas believed he was. It's what CANONICALLY gives Dean the strength to defeat Chuck by not killing him! And, after Dean's death, he CANONICALLY goes in search of happy endings. Like... THAT IS EXPLICITLY STATED.

I AM HAVING AN ALL CAPS MOMENT, SO SUE ME.

Guys, Cas is not a wet, yearning baby who needs Dean to say or do ANYTHING to validate his love. HE KNOWS. He is a being of unimaginable age and power. He is not beleaguered by self-esteem issues, or the need to tongue-wrestle Dean. Like, he might WANT TO, but he CANONICALLY does not need to in order to experience a happiness so complete that it puts paid to his deal. His happiness is THAT NOW DEAN ALSO KNOWS, and he can tell Dean why, and show him who he is in the mirror of that love.

Also, he is not dead, he is just on another plane of existence, and neither is Dean. Cas is a profoundly unselfish badass. He is not fucking PINING. He made a play, the best one he had. He is a strategist, and he knows Dean BY HEART.

[missmarveledsblog]

A kind of sex education ( platonic cas x winchesters x reader)

summary : when castiel curious nature after watching adult movies leads to a strange string of questions and learning of their sex lives . 

warnings well there is really none just awkward sex talk . this is more a drabble   

What was supposed to be a normal ass day of research ended up more strange then any hunt well it definitely up there . She wanted to prove dean wrong but walked in on castiel doing his own research . eyes locked on the screen , while head tilted in confusion and a woman's moans filled the room making the two freeze to their spot. 

" is he watching..." her voice trailed off .

" porn yeah , we've got an angel watching porn " dean shook his  head .

" erm cas buddy that stuff is not for the communional area's more privacy of your own room " she winced as the sound of skin slapping got louder.

" if the pizza man truly loves the babysitter why does he keep  slapping her rear ?"  he turned to the red faced  hunters standing before him .  " perhap she has done something wrong" he added. 

" cas turn it off please" she asked quicker and louder ,making cas stand and her to gasp . " oh my ,dean does he have " she turned to the man .

" A boner yep " he snorted .

" Cas why are you watching this " she asked sitting across from him noticing his eyes trail to her chest.

" You can't watch porn in a room filled with dude's and Y/N " the older winchester chuckled wondering would sam believe him .

" I was bored and bobby told me to borrow a video out of his room" he looked even more confused what was wrong .

" Well good to know i can never look bobby in the eyes again " she felt her cheeks heating up giving the situation.

" Is sex like this in real life " he asked making her wishing she went on the supply run .

" no never , i mean the girls finish for one  and those moanS so fake " she snorted making dean shoot her alook .

" A Man never made you finish " he asked curiously.

" Cas you can't ask a chick that ... but yeah what "he said  turning to Y/N for some help .

" No they have not anyway's  cas sex is nothing like these movies their just fantasized version  that people mainly watch to well get off " she explained awkwardly again wanting to leave the room as soon as she could. 

" Alone so don't whip it out " dean added seeing the angel looking down at his crotch .

" Do you watch it " cas asked looking straight at her.

"  i mean yeah i do sometimes " she smiled weakly seeing deans face light up .

" That's hot sweet girl " he winked .

" that made it move " Cas looked down at his crotch .

" Oh kill me now " she cried as dean doubled over laughing .

" Do you like your rear slapped " Cas asked still filled with questions.

" ok ok why is this aimed at me " she stood.

" I mean trench coat baby has valid questions so sweetheart does spanking get you going " dean teased finding the whole thing amazing . 

" wouldn't you like to know " she winked before leaving the room before the angel curiosity killed her . 

" Hey i wanted to know " dean yelled just as sam walked in almost dropping the bag of groceries  when he had seen what was on the screen .

" Why are you and cas watching porn " he arched his brows .

" Cause he found it in bobbies room  and was curious and just to clarify he was watching it not me " dean snorted.

" Does Y/N like her rear smacked she wasn't clear on her answer " castiel asked standing and to full attention still .

" Ithink i'm going to go back to the store , maybe never come back " sam walked back out the door.

"damn it cas go fix that or have a cold shower" dean huffed leaving the angel standing confused to what was going on  and why everyone was so uncomfortable .

...........

To say dinner time in the bunker was filled with tension was an understatement . all eyes on their plates to bobby's confusion , hell Y/N hasn't looked at him once .

" Ok what the hell happened here  did you walk in on those too having sex or something " he gestured to dean and Y/N .

" No Y/N has never finished in sex " cas said easily .

" someone seriously just shoot me " she groaned.

" i'd let you finish princess " dean winked.

" Erm cas may have gotten his hands on a special movie from your room and it lead to some interesting question mainly aimed at our female hunter " sam explain.

" Pizza boy and babysitter really man " dean asked as bobby's eyes found his plate really interesting all of a sudden.

" I'm going to eat in my room and never talk to you guys again except sam " she ran out the room with her plate.

" Hey want me to join you for dessert" dean called .

"  Fuck off " she yelled back .

" Thank god we don't have a HR department " sam muttered. 

" She never gonna talk to any of us again " bobby face was beet red knowing his niece now knew what he had in his room .

" Who even has porn  dvds anymore " .

" I fixed my boner earlier alone like you said " cas said as the other  dropped their forks . 

" I'm joining Y/N , you guys deal with this " sam ran down the hall . 

" is he going to smack her rear ?  ".

" Ok no more porn questions ever watch it in your room in private and never tell us again and stop asking y/n sex questions before she  leaves us altogether" dean deadpanned.

" We're definitely going to hell for getting an angel hooked on porn " bobby mumbled. 

part two

[angel-fruitcake]

SPN S16 DESTIEL THEORY 🏳️‍🌈

ok please here me out- IF the spn revival is in the works, i believe it will include fully canon, romantically requited destiel. here's why:

the supernatural finale was fucked up, for many reasons. they know that. Misha knows it, Jensen knows it. everyone knows it. if they get the chance to redo the ending and fix things--a real shot at redemption--they won't make the same mistakes again.

yes, i'm fully aware that destiel is not the only thing that spn is about, not even the main storyline. but the moment they decided to let Cas confess his romantic love for Dean, they made it clear that that was a huge piece of the whole story. so if they write a revival that either doesn't acknowledge Cas' feelings (like with the finale), or worse, has Dean reject Cas' confession under the guise of being straight or only viewing Cas as family, they would be officially crowning themselves as The Most Homophobic and Most Hated Series To Ever Exist.

knowing Misha, if he's involved in the revival at all, he will make damn sure Cas gets justice. he wasn't satisfied with the way things ended either, and there is zero possibility that he will allow a revival to include Cas without going all the way with destiel this time. Castiel's love for Dean is apart of his story now, full stop. if they can't give him the ending he deserves, then there is absolutely no point in him even being in the revival.

and if for some godforsaken reason we learn that Cas isn't apart of it, it'll be obvious that Misha couldn't get destiel to happen, so he stepped back (at that point they will likely lose so much fandom interest in it that it'll be questionable if it's even worth making).

but i have a very hard time believing that Jensen would allow a rebirth to happen without Castiel/Misha being in it. he just wouldn't do that, it's too important for the story.

lastly, they won't be restricted by any network that's too cowardly or bigoted to allow the lead characters to be in a queer-presenting relationship. Jensen (or whoever buys/bought the rights to supernatural from WB) has the freedom to choose the company that picks up this project, because there is no actual pressure to make it. they don't have to do a revival; the show is over. if they give spn a rebirth, it will be a labor of love, created with the sole purpose of doing right by the fanbase and by the series itself. so if certain networks shoot down their ideas, they can find one that will be on board.

this is ofc just a theory and i know i shouldn't get my hopes up, but in my mind this is pretty solid.

if you read all that, thank you and i love you 💙💚💙💚

[gay-dinasaur]

"This tastes weird," Sam say, taking Dean aback.

He raises his eyebrows and waits for his brother to correct himself - Sam has done a lot of things in his life that pissed Dean off, but he's never acted disrespectful towards the food Dean made him, at least not since he was old enough to read and write.

"I said it tastes weird," Sam repeats, now looking just as confused as Dean is. "What I meant to say is, I don't really like it, but I'm gonna eat it anyway out of politeness," he adds, not really making things better.

Sam stares in dismay at the soup and Dean does the same. The liquid looks the same it did a few minutes ago, nothing out of the ordinary, just a plain pumpkin soup.

Perhaps too plain, for Sam's refined taste.

Normally, he would make a joke and leave it at that, but this situation is too similar to something they've been through and Dean does not like it one bit.

They both look at Jack, who has been up to this point contently eating said soup, apparently without any complaints.

It takes him a few seconds to realize what's happening, but then he's shaking his head. "It wasn't me," he says, shrugging his shoulders.

Dean really wishes he didn't believe him - that way, they could do something about it and fix it, but Jack has probably been affected by the spell as well as is telling the truth.

"Ah, great," Dean sights, "fucking great."

Sam finishes the soup quickly and excuses himself, running out of the room as fast as his giant legs carry him.

Jack tells Dean that he didn't mind the soup at all, which raises Dean's mood a bit before he starts washing the dishes. It's distracting enough that Dean doesn't notice the remaining inhabitant of the bunker walking into the room.

"Do you want help with that?" Comes the gravelly voice and Dean drops the plate he's holding.

Thankfully it doesn't break, only falling a few inches into the sink.

The water is still running as Dean stares at Cas, who tilts his head at him after a few seconds.

"Uh, sure," Dean manages after carefully thinking it through.

Last time, some people even said their truths out loud unprompted, just yelled them out for the world to hear. Dean can't let that happen here. He has to finish this as quickly as possible and then get the hell out of earshot.

Which, fuck, probably means at least a mile, since Cas is an angel who can hear lot more than he should.

Good news is, they both have an appreciation for silence. Sometimes, they don't need to talk, don't have to talk. It's incredibly rare and incredibly calming. Dean doesn't have to fill that silence, doesn't have to make sure Cas isn't angry at him. They just are. Right now, they are standing next to each other, shoulders pressed together and it's relaxing like few other things in this world.

Which is bad, Dean realizes - but only after the words leave his mouth.

"I love you."

That's it.

Three little words; three stupid little words and Dean's life as he knows it is over.

Cas stares at him, unmoving, and Dean thinks about what to say to salvage the situation before coming up with nothing.

Cas stares some more and then carefully puts down the glass he was drying.

Dean's hands are empty too and he's not sure what to do with them.

Cas doesn't seem to have the same problem - his hands grab onto Dean's, holding him in place and Dean realizes he was starting to back up out of the room.

"Dean," Cas says, like he always does. Dean doesn't think anyone else has ever pronounced his name like that.

"Look. It's just... It's... There's this spell, I didn't... I didn't mean to say that. At all, I didn't want to say that, I didn't..." Dean continues mumbling, feeling worse every second as Cas' face falls.

It's subtle, but Dean has years of experience reading his angel - Cas' mouth freezes in place and he sets his jaw and Dean knows he's going to let go of him and pull back just before he does.

Dean's hands feel cold, suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"You remember what Jack did, after we lied to him? Well, he's not the one responsible, this time, but it looks like we can't lie."

"Ah," Cas responds, turning away.

"Wait."

"What, Dean? You wish to repeat it again, you wish to make it clear that you don't love me like I love you? Because I already--"

Dean interrupts him by pressing his lips to his.

Cas sights into it and then blinks up at Dean when he pulls away. Then he lowers his eyes to Dean's lips and they both lean in again, not wanting to be separated for long.

Dean's brain is nothing but fireworks, the notion of kissing Castiel so novel and yet so right, like this is what they are supposed to be doing.

He doesn't know how long have they've been kissing, but if it's anything less than a century, it's not enough.

"Guys, get this--"

Sam shrieks after turning the corner.

Dean - very reluctantly - pulls of Cas to glare at his brother, who promptly turns around and runs out of the room for the second time this hour.

"So. I take it that you do, um, love me?" Cas says sheepishly.

"Yeah." Dean swallows.

"I do."

Suptober, Day 26 - Enchanted

[samdeancass]

Too Much

Requested by Anonymous

Prompt: #39 from my Prompt List: "I'm not a human, I never was. So why are you expecting me to act like one?"

Pairing: Castiel x Winchester!reader

Genre: Angst, Slight Fluff

Characters: Castiel, Y/N, Dean, Sam

Description: Lately, Castiel hasn't paid much attention to Y/N, leaving them feeling lonely and confused. When they confront him about it, they don't get the reaction they were expecting.

From the moment you first saw Castiel, you knew you would fall hard. However, being the sister of Sam and Dean Winchester made it ten times harder than it should have been. Dean was always very overprotective when it came to you and was not very happy when you confessed your unique and deep feelings for Cas to him.

"That's not a good idea," Dean warned. But you stood your ground. "Cas isn't like the others. He chose us over his own family. That's not the action of an emotionless being!" Dean, defeated, pulled you into a hug. "I'm happy for you, but please, be careful. I don't want to see you hurt."

Sam, always the voice of reason, had a different perspective on your feelings for Castiel. 'I thought angels couldn't be with humans. How would it even work? Can they start families? Do they even understand human emotions?' Sam pondered these questions while you stood in the doorway, rolling your eyes. 'I've never read anything that says angels can't be in a relationship with a human. And I believe that Castiel and I can figure it out.' Your determination shone through your words. Sam smiled and nodded. 'Thanks for sharing, Y/N. I'm sure it'll all work out.'

After dealing with your brothers, you weren't sure that Cas could feel the same about you, whether he would even understand what they would mean. After spending hours trying to figure it out, you decided to just go ahead and tell him. He was sitting in the library, looking through lore books, when he looked up and smiled widely at your sudden presence. "Hello, Y/N." You smiled back at Cas, his smile always infectious. "Hey, Cas." You sat opposite him, twiddling your thumbs in your lap. He tilted his head with worry and confusion, clearly recognising your feelings. "Y/N, what's the matter?" You locked eyes with Cas, and your breath hitched in your throat before taking a deep breath. "Truth is, Cas, I've got something to confess. I've felt something for you for a while, but I haven't had the confidence to tell you until now. I wasn't sure whether you could reciprocate those feelings or even understand what they mean, but I needed to tell you."

To your surprise, Castiel smiled widely back at you, his hand reaching across the table to take yours. "I feel the same way, Y/N. At first, I wasn't sure what they meant, so I talked with Dean. He said, and I quote, 'If you hurt her, I will kill you, bring you back and send your ass down to hell.' I wasn't sure how you felt about me, so I kept them to myself. So, you couldn't imagine how happy you have just made me." You brought your hand up to your mouth and kissed it, a sentiment that made Cas blush. "I can imagine, angel. I feel the same way."

For the next few months, your relationship with Castiel and your feelings for each other grew. Considering your hunting life, you could have never imagined you would ever find someone to love. There were dangers to being the girlfriend of an angel, but you were already a Winchester, so you were used to the threat. Your relationship wasn't conventional; you had to teach Castiel a lot about love and how to treat the person you loved, but you didn't mind. He was your angel, and his innocence made you love him even more.

However, no matter how hard you tried to teach Castiel how to act with the person you loved, it never seemed to stick. You often found yourself alone in the bunker whilst he and your brothers were off hunting, stuck on the sidelines and feeling rather lonely. He never used to leave you behind; he loved being by your side whilst hunting, but something has changed, and you were determined to know what.

You waited until they returned from the hunt and walked into the war room, arms across your chest. "Oh no, Cas, you've done something wrong, buddy. She's got that look in her eyes." You narrowed your eyes at Sam, a silent warning to shut the hell up. He chuckled and held up his hands in surrender before making his way to the kitchen, Dean following suit but not before making sure you were ok. "Hey, kid. Everything good? Do I need to make good on my promise?" You smiled slightly at him and shook your head. "Everything's fine, Dean. Cas and I just need to chat; that's all." He nodded in understanding before following his brother. Cas made his way towards you, a soft smile on his face and placing a kiss on your head, but sensed your tenseness and his features changed completely.

"Y/N, what's wrong? Did something happen while we were away?" You shook your head, a soft breath leaving your mouth. "Let's go to my room; we need to talk about something." He looked confused but followed you to your room, closing the door behind him. "What's the matter? I can sense that there's something wrong." "You're right, Cas. There is something wrong. Something wrong with us." His expression changed as you finished your sentence to a look of hurt and sadness. "What do you mean? I don't understand. We both love each other; there's nothing wrong with that." You took his hands and guided him to the foot of your bed, sitting yourselves down. "I agree; there's nothing wrong with us loving each other, Cas. But it's been feeling rather one-sided lately. I always show you how much I love you by doing your favourite things and teaching you the ways of the human world. I always want to spend time with you, but you either push me away or you're too busy. You leave me behind on hunts even though you know I can handle my own. I'm kind of sick of being in this relationship alone. When humans are in a relationship, actions and feelings are reciprocated."

Castiel ripped his hands from yours, and his expression turned into frustration and hurt. "You seem to forget, Y/N, I'm not a human, and I never was. So why are you expecting me to act like one? I don't know how you act or treat each other in relationships, and I barely even know how to act properly with my friends. I'm trying so hard to let you know that I love you, but I don't know how. I never want to push you away, Y/N; I just don't know how to act around you, and it becomes too much for me to handle. I never want to leave you behind when I go with your brothers, but I feel like I must, so I know you're safe; that's the only way I know how to properly show you my love. If that's not good enough, then I suppose our relationship isn't working at all."

Before you could say anything, Castiel stormed out of the room and past the kitchen, alerting the brothers that something had happened. You knew he had left with the bang of the bunker door, and sobs wracked your body. You hadn't realised Cas didn't know what to do; you just thought he was lousy. Sam and Dean rushed to your room and wrapped you in their arms, seeing your state. "He's gone, hasn't he? He's really gone. I've really hurt him, guys. I need to find him to get him back." You were about to stand up, but Dean pulled you back down, shaking his head. "No, princess. Let him cool off; he'll be back. No matter what happened between the two of you, he'd never leave you." You smiled and nodded, but you had a horrible feeling in your stomach that he wouldn't come back.

Tags:

@bxoken-heartss @deascheck

[thefabledpheasant]

I watched a video of Jensen ackles opinion on the scene in 7x17 where Dean returns Cas’ coat, and he said it was out of character for Dean to have it folded up like that. Which I thought was really interesting because I disagree completely. Dean, as a character, is extremely emotional. He feels a lot and he cares a lot and so much so, that he has to repress so much of it to get through his life.

Whether you ship Destiel or not, Dean obviously cared tremendously about Cas. During Cas’ very brief stint as Emmanuel, Dean tells him: “I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. You know, whatever it was. It might take some time, but... I always could. What Cas did... I just can't - I don't know why.”

While I do interpret this as an indication of his romantic feelings for Castiel, either way, this line is Dean stating very obviously that what happened with Castiel has been weighing very heavily on him and he thinks about it a lot. It also shows just how deeply he cared for Castiel.

The trench coat is the last thing left of this person he cares about. What’s he supposed to do with it? He wouldn’t throw it away. THAT’S out of character. I think it’d be in character for Dean to burn the coat as as a final goodbye, the traditional hunters funeral, but it’s canon that a part of Dean believed Cas would come back. The line is in the promo for the episode and Jensen & Misha even mention it being in the original script. Which means no burning the coat.

Then what is he going to do with it? He wouldn’t just throw it somewhere haphazardly. When you lose someone, you treat whatever is left of them with the love you have for the person that’s gone. That’s grief. So, OF COURSE he folded it nice and neatly. I don’t think it’s out of character at all.

When it comes to the fact that he had the coat with him in a stolen car, that’s when we definitively cross the threshold into romantic territory. I think the place the coat made the most sense, from a platonic perspective, is stored somewhere in either their cabin or Bobby’s house.

Dean had to constantly, purposefully transfer this coat from stolen car to stolen car. The coats only purpose is to remind him of Cas. It’s not like the coat actually does anything. Cas doesn’t NEED the coat, so it’s not like he kept it on him at all times because it’s important that Cas have the coat if he were to come back.

I don’t personally think it is out of character for Dean to do what he did. I think Jensen thinks it’s out of character because he viewed the whole thing as romantic and doesn’t believe Dean is in love with Cas. And while I agree the whole thing feels romantic, I don’t think the act of folding the coat neatly is inherently romantic or out of character. It’s just grief.

[apomaro-mellow]

I don't know anything about Supernatural but if you want to make a Steddie fic (which is what I'm assuming you meant) where Eddie was originally Steve's car or whatever and got turned human, I'm a-ok with that! Winkwink

Basically it was a common trope in Supernatural fics for Dean's beloved car to turn into a human and stir the pot between him and Cas. So it would go a lil sum'n like this

Eddie stared at the guy Dustin had sitting in Steve's living room. He had on a black blazer jacket and a burgundy shirt underneath it and Dustin was claiming very adamantly that this man was Steve's car.

"Admit it! This isn't even the craziest thing that's ever happened in this town", Dustin said.

"All that crazy shit made sense when you put it together. Why would the Mind Flayer turn my car into a person? Explain that, Henderson!"

Eddie was also finding it difficult to believe but he had less experience with all this and he didn't want to think about other reasons a random guy might go to a young teen's house. But the guy was dressed nice and it figured Steve's ride would be as posh as him. And now that the guy was sitting right in front of them, Eddie had to stop calling him 'Steve's ride'.

"So you got a name, pal?", Eddie asked.

The guy blinked. "Steve usually just calls me baby."

Steve blushed, Dustin paled, and Eddie looked about two seconds from punching a wall.

"We can't call you that", Steve said once his voice returned.

"Does that mean I can't call you Daddy?"

"I knew you were gross!", Dustin accused, pointing a finger at Steve while Eddie was thinking it was time for this guy to go.

"I've never made anyone call me that! That's how I know he's lying", Steve said in his defense.

The guy stood up and walked over to Steve. "'Daddy's home, open up for Daddy, it's just Daddy and you tonight, Daddy's gonna wear out the tires tonight bab-"

"OKAY!" Dustin's hands went up to cover his ears. "Can we have some respect for my innocence?"

Eddie wanted to bop Dustin one for bringing this guy here but he was digging his own grave as well. That still didn't stop the ugly feeling rolling around in his belly.

"Wait, so, okay, if you're my car...", Steve took a deep breath. "Then you must know...", his eyes flitted to Eddie.

"Yeah. I know."

Human!beemer ig?

[ninii-winchester]

Unveiled Sorrows (Part 4)

Pairing : Dean Winchester X Reader, Sam Winchester x Reader (platonic)

Word count : 3.6k

Warnings : spoilers s1-5, angst, so much angst, violence, language, mentions of pregnancy, unedited.

A/n : This series follows canon plot line but some scenes might happen differently or be completely changed. Check the warnings for each part before continuing.

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO COPY MY WORK, TRANSLATE IT OR POST IT TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED.

It had been a few weeks since the boys have been on the road. They called often. But it was mostly Sam. Sometimes to ask for help in research or sometimes just to make sure she's okay. Sam informed Y/n that there might a way to stop the apocalypse, as Gabriel told them, they can throw Lucifer back into his cage. The key to the cage being the rings from the four horsemen. Luckily they already had two of them. They just had to get the other two.

Bobby went out to help them with a witch problem. More like to get help himself. Cas hung around while Bobby was gone.

"How're you doin', Y/n." He asked the girl.

"I'm good honestly." She smiled. "Maybe after Lucifer is back in the cage, we could have a somewhat normal life."

"You're right." Cas replied.

"Cas I'm sorry." Y/n started. "For the times I've been mean to you. I know you were doing what you thought was right."

"It's alright. I understand." Cas said with a smile.

Bobby came back the next morning and he looked solemn. Y/n noticed and she knew something was wrong.

"Alright spill." She said sitting in front of him. The older man just sighed and looked away. "What did they do now?"

"Those idjits are trying to kill me.." He exclaimed. "How did you put up with all that all these years?" He asked.

"You get used to it, Bobby, Cmon tell me what is it now?" Y/n smiled thinking it can't be that bad.

"Sam wants to say yes." Bobby stated.

"What?" Y/n exclaimed standing up from her seat. "Why? I thought we had a plan."

"Yeah but you don't expect Lucifer to jump in out of the goodness of his heart, do you?" Bobby asked rhetorically.

"Yeah so what he's gonna sacrifice himself? What did Dean say about this?" Bobby looked away giving her the answer. "You've got to be shitting me! Dean agreed??" She exclaimed.

"I think this might actually be good idea." Cas spoke for the first time.

"Cas, not a good time buddy, lord so help me i will rip your lungs out." Y/n snapped.

"Technically that's not possible since I'm an angel. Although it would be inconvenient since I'd have to find another vessel." Cas replied his in monotonous voice.

Sometimes she hated the Angel. She left the room without a word. She can't believe Sam would suggest something like but, no wait she can because he's dumb like that. What she can't believe that Dean and Bobby are actually considering it. She slammed her foot on the car infront of her, cursing in frustration.

The boys didn't come back for atleast another week. Y/n heard the Impala pulling up in driveway and she knew they're here. She stood at the bottom of the staircase and watched as the door opened and walked in Dean. She didn't know what she was hoping for but a nod of acknowledgment just wasn't it. Dean made his way to the main room without a word. Sam entered the house few moments later.

"Hey Y/n." He greeted her and her mind went haywire. Her anger flared and all she saw was red. She was angry and upset, Dean's behaviour added fuel to the fire. Before she knew she took a step forward and punched Sam in the face causing him to reel back. He held his nose and hissed.

Dean came rushing to Sam's side and Bobby wheeled to see what the commotion is about.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Dean asked angrily.

"Me? What is wrong with you two. All of you?" Y/n screamed. "You're going to say yes to Lucifer? You're gonna let him take you?" She asked incredulously looking at Sam.

"Y/n i know it's a hard pill to swallow but we don't have another choice. You can't just expect to ask him nicely and he'll jump in." Sam understood she's upset. He understands she can't let her best friend go. He put his hand over her shoulder but she shrugged it off and went to the main room. The others followed her behind.

"There has to be another way. Why do you have to sacrifice yourself?" She asked throwing her hands up.

"One life for seven billion lives. I don't think it's a bad bargain." Sam replied softly.

"What about us, what about me and Dean, your family?" She felt her lip quiver. "Why do you think it's your responsibility to be the one saving the world.?"

"You know damn well I started the apocalypse. It is my responsibility." Sam replied feeling himself getting angry.

"And you don't have anything to say about this?" She turned to Dean hoping he'd say something. When he didn't say anything Sam spoke.

"Look, Y/n there is no other way, we have War and Famine's rings, we're gonna get Pestilence's and Death's rings. I say Yes to Lucifer, We open the cage and I jump in."

"And you think he'll let you do that? You think he's not gonna take over your body as soon you say Yes." Y/n countered.

"It's worth a try." Sam replied.

"No it's a stup-"

"ALRIGHT ENOUGH." Dean's loud voice boomed making her flinch a bit. "You need to stop, you hear me? This is our decision to make. We were chosen for this and last I checked the world doesn't revolve around you." Dean said directly looking at Y/n.

"Dean." Sam said trying to calm his brother but the older Winchester didn't waver.

"I suppose the decision has been made. We don't need your input. Either you help or you walk out. The door's that way." Dean said looking into her eyes, pointing towards the door.

"You watch what you're saying, boy."  Bobby spoke for the first time in a while. "Need I remind you this is my house." Dean looked away at Bobby's stern voice.

Y/n didn't speak nor did she breath, how could she. She felt as if her heart has been ripped out of her chest. She didn't cry, everything inside her wanted her to scream and yell. To breakdown and hope that its a terrible nightmare that would be over soon.

"Is this your final decision?" She asked the same question she asked him after everything with Alistair went down. A single teardrop slid down her cheek.

"Yes." Dean replied. Unnerving and firm in his decision. In that moment she knew it was over. Everything was over. At this point who was she even kidding, there was nothing to begin with. At his confirmation all she did was nod her head. And she made her way up to her to room. The main room fell silent as she left.

"Dean what the hell?" Sam exclaimed and Dean left the room without a word.

Y/n didn't come out of the room the whole day. Bobby couldn't go up to check on her and Sam didn't know if she wanted to see him. Dean however remained indifferent. Sam grabbed a beer from the fridge and went outside. He felt like he was going to suffocate inside. He sat on the hood of one of the many cars present at the yard. He heard footsteps and looked to see Y/n coming outside. She stopped in her tracks when she noticed Sam sitting there.

"Sorry I'll just go." She said softly before turning back.

"Y/n-" Sam called out to her. She turned to look at him. "Please stay." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Sam-"

"Please." She nodded and made her way towards him and he helped her up. The two of them sat in silence. Dean saw Y/n and Sam talking, sitting on the hood of a car. He couldn't help but eavesdrop.

It was quiet for moment before Sam spoke, "I'm sorry." She didn't look at him nor did she say anything. "I'm sorry it came down to this. I wish things could've been different." She still didn't speak but looked at him. "I know it's hard for you to accept and i know if i were in your place I'd react the same way hell even worse. But you have to know this is my redemption, for what I did. I set him loose and I have to be the one to send him back."

"I understand Sam." Dean heard her say. "Truth is, I was being selfish, I didn't want to lose my best friend. I didn't want to lose my family, but the real truth is I realised that I never had one." She tucked her knees to her chest. "I found out the hard way but all in good time." She smiled even though she felt her heartstrings were seconds away from snapping.

Dean felt like his whole body was on fire as he heard her say that. He knew what he did, and he knew what he said. But he had to keep her away. He couldn't let her get hurt, so it doesn't matter if she walks away hating him. What matters is she walks away. Alive and Safe.

"That's not true Dean...he just... he didn't mean it. He's angry. He might not show it but the decision is affecting him too. He didn't mean any of it." Sam tried to explain.

"You and I both have been with him long enough to know he meant what he said." Y/n looked into Sam's eyes, her eyebrow raised and lips tugged upwards. Her face screamed are-you-really going-to-argue-you-know-i-am-right. Sam looked away because deep down, he knew Dean meant it. His posture, the way he spoke, it was familiar to him. "I assume this is goodbye?" Tears filled her eyes as she asked.

"I wish it wasn't." Sam replied pulling her into a bone crushing hug. Y/n was thankful that they were sitting so he didn't crush her stomach. However his hands were tightly wrapped around her shoulder and her's around his torso.

"I wish i knew what to say to make you stay." She sobbed in his chest. Sam couldn't help but let a few tears roll down down his cheeks and onto her hair. "Please don't go Sammy." She cried, her body shaking with intensity.

Dean wished he could join them, he wished he could comfort them both, he wished he could tell them that's all gonna be okay. But his feet were glued to ground. The only thing he wanted to do was protect his family. He failed to protect Sam but he knew he had to protect her so he made a decision and he's going to stick to it.

"I have to. But you have to promise me you'll take care of yourself yeah? You won't be reckless." He pulled away to look at her. "As much as I love you I have no desire to meet you on the other side anytime soon. You hear me?" He joked and it made her chuckle through her tears.

"Bold of you to assume I’m going to Hell.” She tried to joke but it only made her cry more. “I promise. I'll be safe." She sniffled as they pulled apart. "I'm leaving." She told him.

"What? Where?"

"I don't know." She shrugged.

Dean has never felt so broken before. The two people he loved the most in his life are leaving. And he can't do anything to stop either of them. Life has always been a losing game for him. But being ripped off of his family, all at once it was too much to bear. He didn't know how long he could hold on so he went inside. He couldn't hear it anymore.

A month has passed since Y/n left Bobby's house. Much to the older man's dismay. Last thing she knew before leaving that the boys were searching for Pestilence. She had been living in a motel room that she had booked for a month. She went to see a doctor as well, and found out she was three months along now. She was lost in thought staring at the ultrasound picture when her phone rang. Her heartbeat accelerated as she picked up the phone. It said Cas. She pondered whether to answer or not.

"Hello." Her voice shaky as she answered.

"We have the key." The angel spoke. "We're going to Detroit." He spoke.

"What do you want me to do Cas?" She asked, she hoped Dean had asked him to call her. She knew he was too stubborn to call herself but she hoped.

"I thought you'd want to know."

"Did they tell you to call me?"

"No. It was me." Her hopes were shattered.

"Alright Cas."

"Will you come?"

"No." With that she hung up. She couldn't go. What would she even do? Watch her best friend jump into the hell fire? She'd pass.

As Sam and Dean drove to Detroit, the tension in air was so thick they could cut it with a knife. Dean kept his focus on driving and Sam kept fidgeting with his fingers. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Dean." Sam turned to his brother.

"I'm not doing the goodbye crap." Dean replied without looking at Sam.

"You have to listen to me." Dean raised a brow and urged him to continue. "You have to promise me you won't try to bring me back." Sam said with urgency.

"What? I never agreed on anything like that."

"Dean. No, you have to promise me that you won't bring me back. You get out."

"Out?" Dean questioned.

"Out of Hunting, Dean, you go back Lisa. Live that life you always wanted to live. I just want you to be happy man, I hope by some miracle she takes you back."

"What about y/n?" Dean asked subtly.

"What about her? She left. I hope she's happy wherever she is. But I can't have you trying to find her." Sam said seriously.

"Why not?" Dean side eyed Sam.

"Because then you two will try to bring me back. I need you to get away from this life Dean. I need you to promise, you'll go back to Lisa and you'll live the apple pie life." Sam explained. "Don't try to find Y/n again, I just want you two to be happy. And if you two keep trying to bring me back, you won't get out of this life." Dean looked at his brother and his heart raced a thousand miles per hour. "Promise me Dean."

"I promise."

Y/n paced back and forth in her room. She can't seem to get it all out of her mind. Damn you Cas, she cursed grabbing her stuff and her car keys. She threw her things in the backseat and left for Detroit.

For Dean, it all happened in a blink of eye yet it felt like time had slowed down. They met up with Lucifer after Sam had chugged down all that demon blood. Sam said Yes which allowed Lucifer to get inside Sam's body. Dean threw the key at the wall and said the incantation to open the cage. He saw Sam fighting for power over his body but then Sam said the incantation to close the cage. He took the key off the wall and pocketed it. Lucifer had taken over and Sam was gone. They lost.

The war was going to happen and there’s nothing Dean could do. He had the power to keep it at bay but then the angels had brought in Adam and Micheal had taken over him. The war was now inevitable. Millions of people were going to die. Michael and Lucifer will fight in Sam and Adam's bodies.

Dean called Chuck to ask him if he saw what happened and Chuck said he did. The Winchester asked the latter if he saw the outcome of the war but he denied saying he couldn't see that far. But he told him he knew when and where it'll happen.

"Where Chuck?"

"Tomorrow high noon, at Stull Cemetery." Dean hung up and revved the engine to meet up with Cas and Bobby. He couldn't sit there and wait for a duel to happen between two angels. He had to do something.

Y/n drove as fast as she could to reach Detroit and she saw Cas calling. She answered the phone keeping her eyes on the road.

"Cas?"

"We lost."

"WHAT?" She stomped the brakes. A screeching sound was heard.

"Sam couldn't take over his body. Lucifer closed the cage and took the key. Michael and Lucifer will fight." Cas told her.

"Wait how? Dean said he'd never say yes to Michael.." Cas cut her off.

"They brought in Adam."

"You know your kind is a bunch of assholes?" Y/n growled.

"I know, I wish things..!" Cas stopped talking as he heard Dean calling his name.

"Cas.. Bobby." Dean said approaching the two. Cas didn't hang up just shoved his phone back inside his pocket.

"What's going on Dean?" Bobby asked.

"I'm going to stop this war." She heard Dean say.

"What? You don't even know where or when it will happen" Cas replied.

"I know. Tomorrow noon, stull cemetery."

"But it's not possible. It's Michael and Lucifer. You can't stop them." Cas said solemnly.

"I can't just sit here and wait for destruction. I know I can't stop them, but my brother's in there. I can try." Dean said getting into his car.

Stull cemetery, Noon.

Y/n repeated those words in her head and she stepped on the Gas. She had to be there. She arrived there at before anyone else did and hid behind the bushes. She saw Sam walk in the cemetery but it wasn't her Sam anymore it was Lucifer. She watched as Adam appeared out of nowhere. It wasn't Adam anymore it was Michael.. The two talked for a while their voices getting louder and then she saw The Impala driving in , music blaring from the speakers. Her heart squeezed at the sight of Dean.

"Hey. We need to talk." He said walking towards Sam/Lucifer.

"Dean, even for you, this is a whole mountain of stupid." Lucifer said.

"I'm not talking to you I'm talking to my brother." He replied.

"You're not a vessel anymore." Adam/Micheal said.

"I just need five minutes."

"You have no right to be here. You're no longer a part of this story." Michael walking towards Dean when Cas called out to him.

"Hey, ass-butt." And threw a molotov cocktail at Michael but it was made of holy fire, which made him disappear. This made Lucifer angry.

"Castiel, did you just Molotov my brother with holy fire?" Lucifer snarled at Castiel.

"No?" Cas answered, if it wasn't an apocalyptic situation Y/n would've laughed.

"No one dicks with Michael other than me." Lucifer said before disintegrating Cas to nothing.

Lucifer then moved towards Dean and grabbed him by the neck. Bobby shot at Lucifer to which he just flicked his hand and cracked Bobby's neck. Y/n couldn't just watch anymore. She jumped out from the bushes as Lucifer kept punching Dean. He threw him against the car and bashed his face with his bare hands.

"Dean." Y/n yelled as she ran towards him.

"Oh hello there darling." Lucifer said in a sickening voice. "I knew someone was missing when these two showed up. You were in Carthage weren't you?" He asked.

"Let him go." She said staring down at Lucifer. Dean was brutally beaten. His face was swollen and bloodied. His eyes were barely visible due to all the swelling on his face.

Lucifer threw Dean on the ground and he collided with the Impala. He groaned as he hit the car. He watched as Lucifer walked towards Y/n.

"Sammy don't do this please." She begged hoping he's in there listening.

"Sammy's not home darling." Lucifer snarled as he grabbed her by the neck. Pulling her off the ground. "You know I could've let you two live if you'd just stay away. I care about Sam and I know you two mean a lot to him. But you're so annoying, you two." Y/n gasped trying to get his hands off her.

"Sam please." She cried.

"Sammy." Dean groaned. "Let her go."

He looked at Dean and his gaze fell on the an action figure stuck in the Impala, something flashed in Lucifer's eyes and he let Y/n go. She gasped as she dropped to the ground. Coughing up as she tried to take as much air as she could. Lucifer looked at Dean and Y/n and the two looked back at him. It wasn't Lucifer. It was Sam. He immediately fished out the key from his pocket and threw it on the ground. He said the incantation to open the cage and it appeared on the floor. Sam turned to look back at Dean and Y/n. She was sobbing on the ground while Dean looked at Sam as if he was trying to remember his face. With one last look at his brother. Sam jumped. Michael reappeared trying to stop Sam from jumping in but he pulled him in too.

As soon as he jumped Cas came back to life. He pressed his two fingers to Bobby's head and brought him back to life. Castiel then walked to where Dean was and healed him completely.

"Cas, are you God?" Dean asked.

"That's a nice compliment but no." Cas replied. "But I believe he brought me back."

Dean nodded and looked around and saw Y/n still on the ground, sobbing. He turned back around and got into the Impala. He did what no one of them had expected. He drove off.

Tags:

@spnfamily-j2 @galway-girlatwork @queensilber

[dotthings]

"Open to interpretation" does not mean you get to tell Destiel shippers how to see the canon, Karen

After the spntwit drama this week I think it matters to emphasize again how hard the antidestiel hatedom was going against how Jensen rolls when it comes to interpretation.

antidestiels continue to behave as if they believe "open to interpretation" means they themselves can dictate to other fans how to see the canon, and they call Destiel shippers and Misha "disgusting" just for speaking our viewpoints of the canon.

Destiel shippers give our take on the text and antis go "well you can't because JENSEN SAID--"

They very obviously do not listen to what Jensen says. Here is Jensen at Dencon 2021, where he pretty much clears the runway for fans to interpret however we please and his praise and appreciation for those readings: “This is the great thing about the show and I think the relationships and some of these characters is that they’re open for interpretation. If you find identity in a character because of whatever reason, fantastic! Great! If that encourages you to be a better person, or to love someone a little harder, to forgive someone for something, fantastic. That’s—that’s I think that’s one of the beautiful things about what we do is that we get to encourage people on a variety of levels.” -Jensen Ackles, DenCon October 2021

(Antis: But you CAN'T, because JENSEN SAID--)

Antis are stuck in a loop of their own making.

This is not the first time Jensen has conveyed his support for fan interpretation.

Jibcon 2015:

We also know from reports from a virtual m&g a short while after SPN ended that Jensen said he and Misha talked about the confession scene beforehand, and they "didn't want to over-define it" and "the artist isn't going to stand next to that piece of art and tell you what to see. You should be able to see, and it should be able to mean what it means to you and that's--that's the beautiful thing about art." (There is no video, this is pulled from fan reports, but as far as we know this is accurate reporting).

Antis: but you can't because Jensen SAID--

blah blah blah

Yes we can and it's not that we need Jensen's--or anyone's permission--however it's just so heinous how severely antidestiels stomp all over Jensen's respectfulness and protection of fan readings and his appreciation of that, and their lying about how he rolls. They are making very negative insinuations of him, yet somehow everyone else in fandom is the problem but them.

It doesn't add up.

"But you can't say Destiel is real and there was queer coding because JENSEN SAID--"

But Jensen said he's completely cool with how we see it.

He said so.

I have a permit. Jensen signed it. See?

Get over it. Find a new hobby. Move along.

A further thing--note my highlighting on excerpts from an interview with Jensen Ackles about Big Sky concerning the Beau/Jenny relationship. (TV Insider, 1.18.2023)

The phrasing should sound familiar.

Yes, that's right, he's used similar language to speak about Dean and Cas. And this is for a het ship.

"leave the audience wanting more" "we gave just a little bit" "but do we need to play it out in a graphic sex scene?" "a kiss wasn't necessarily needed" "let's tiptoe for now" "fired it up in a way that made it not so sexual...two humans really, truly connecting. It wasn't just like, oh, let's rip each other's clothes off."

Put that next to "I don’t think lust is involved with the romanticism" "there's some people that might try to sexualize that" "it was two sentient beings essentially" (Dencon 2021, Vancon 2022)

Isn't that interesting. (Also isn't it interesting he called it "romanticism"?)

Jensen also said something somewhere about how he would like to do a romantic comedy so long as it involves killing zombies. He doesn't hate romance. It's just that he likes genre and action stuff. He's not against, whether it's queer or straight romances.

He's also said he'd like to do a rom-com slash western playing opposite Misha Collins.

Not telling Destiel shippers what to do, but along with antidestiel misinformation spread, the Destiel lane is justly notorious for flinging accusations at him and I think it's relevant that he speaks about a het ship using similar language, and it's relevant how supportive he is of queer readings.

one last thing, this is old, from Jensen's time on Days of our Lives, but he wasn't against playing a queer character.

[aliasl]

and i'm going to rope bobby into this because everybody loves bobby and he's such a good dad......... but he is EXACTLY all the things you criticize dean for. bobby is angry (you wouldn't describe him as nice), bobby yells, bobby throws insults around, bobby asks how other people are feeling and then proceeds to give the advice of "now, bottle that shit up," and when you finally break through his exterior to get him to talk about his own feelings, he might spout something "abusive" like "i'm exhausted from helping YOU". but does that make bobby abusive?? i'd say not.

because the thing is supernatural is a show about men who often HAVE TO suppress their feelings in order to get the job done/ save the world, and even the most "enlightened" of them (sam) exhibit toxic masculinity traits of reflexively disparaging each other, being quick to act violently, suppressing "feminine" emotions like genuine compassion, avoiding casual intimacy (like hugs, which are reserved for if someone is dying), having a conditioned anger response rather than show fear - and the whole show is a journey of why they are the way they are and how they change

nobody is perfect here, and nobody is completely unforgivable.

abuse is purposeful, like john winchester, who had a history of neglecting and mistreating his sons - was confronted about it - and never changed his ways. he was abusive on purpose, in an effort to turn his sons into what he wanted: obedient soldiers

just to zero back in on dean: if he exhibits abusive traits, it's not on purpose, and you know that because he wants his family to be happy - he's willing to die for that. but he IS trapped in abusive cycles, and it's not because "he's poison" or incapable of change. we saw him get worse (picture from season 1 to ~ season 9); he can get better.

you think sam/cas/jack would call dean abusive? no. they know him. they understand and have empathy for him. they love him and know he loves them. they've just been trapped in a maze specifically designed to push their buttons and there was never time to deal, and straight up dean's self esteem has a long history of being so bad that he feels too guilty to just focus on himself and resolve his issues. his definition of selflessness/bravery is to bury your feelings as much as possible and help other people. sorry he explodes sometimes. that doesn't make him an abuser.

whenever i see someone arguing that dean's abusive toward sam and/or cas and/or jack, their argument almost always boils down to "dean didn't think/feel/believe/say/do what someone else wanted him to" with a side of "dean was mean to my blorbo" and it's so frustrating.

[iwoulddothingstothisman]

Figuring out

"Sam, Sam."

"Psst, Sam"

"What Dean?"

"I think I love him."

"That's great he loves you too, go back to sleep."

"I don't think I can."

"Then for fuck sake, shut up," Sam grunted and turned over on his shitty motel bed to face away from Dean's bed.

"Then shut up," Dean mocked under his breath, "bitch." He flopped back down onto the pillow only to stare up at the celling he had just enough light from the freeway to see.

Not four hours later the sound of wings fluttering reefed both boys from their sleep. Dean jolted up knife already in hand only to see Cas, his Cas maybe even, standing at the foot off his bed looking for all the world like a lost child.

"Cas, not that it's not good to see you, but why are you here, it's like five in the morning," Dean grunted while rubbing his eyes with the hand not holding his knife.

"I wanted to see you, though waking you was not intentional." His head was tilted a little to the side, an adorable pout on his lips. Thank god for the dark room or Cas would've seen the blush creeping up his neck.

"Well I'm up now, what d'ya want for breakfast, Sam?" Dean asked while swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"Whatever they have, salad-wise," Sam said, snuggling deeper into the covers.

"Naturally." Dean put his knife onto the bedside table so it was within Sam's reach if need be then trundled his way into the bathroom after grabbing the same jeans he wore yesterday and his only clean shirt.

He came back out, did up his boots and grabbed the keys for Baby.

"C'mon Cas, we'll let Sammy get his beauty rest," He said while walking past the Angel who followed a half step behind Dean

The drive to the diner was thankfully uneventful, no vampires trying to slash their tyres and no women in white trying to seduce them.

The diner was even more dull. The standard traffic of office monkeys that hate their life but can't bring themselves to end it and early morning joggers who think they're different for getting oat milk and tweeting about it on their aggressively nature themed blog that calls to the end for all farming. The only stand-outish part of it all was the cashier. A woman in her maybe late 20's by Dean's guess with bright blue hair, a pro-Palestine hat that said 'from the river to the sea' with the Palestinian flag under it and a full cyber-sigilism tattoo sleeve.

Dean had been so busy studying her appearance that he hadn't even noticed the line had moved enough that it was their turn to order.

"So what will you and your boyfriend be having today?" She asked with a tinge of an Aussie accent and Dean faltered.

"We- uh- he's- we're ah not together." He stumbled to get his words out.

"Sorry mate, what can I get ya?" She asked again, this time her accent came through thicker.

"I'll just get a bacon and egg muffin with a coffee, black, two sugars please and, do you guys do a Caesar salad?"

"We do, yeah."

"The largest one of those I can get, to go please." He passed her the money and pocketed his change before walking over to the table furthest from the door.

"It is odd that she thought we were together," Cas stated. Dean almost choked.

"Yeah, yeah it is." dean replied praying to a god he knew didn't care that Cas would drop it, of course, God doesn't care so Cas did no such thing.

"I wonder what it is about us that made her think that, I've been told that I 'look the type' whatever that means, maybe that was it."

"Yeah, yeah I guess you do." Dean paused for a second but kept talking before Cas could open his mouth. "Cas can I talk to you for a second?" He asked.

"You already are." Cas said, tilting his.

"Not the point, the bible doesn't say anything about being gay is a sin, right?" Dean asked.

"Not the original one, no. Why?"

"Because I think I love you." He rushed out.

"Yes, I love you too, I believe." Cas said, making Dean chuckle and shake his head.

"No Cas, I'm IN love with you."

"Oh well in that case then I too, am in love with you, perhaps not in the exact same way that a human might be, but rest assured I have loved you since I pulled you from perdition." Cas admitted with a soft smile.

Dean's tunnel vision on Cas was broken when the same cashier set their food on the table between then with just enough force to almost startle Dean out of his seat.

"Have a good one," she said before speed walking away back to the counter where a chef was relentlessly ringing the bell.

"Come, we'll continue this in the car." Cas said while getting up and grabbing the bag.

Cas was waiting next to the passenger door when Dean finally pried himself from his seat in the diner. He swiftly unlocked Baby and jumped in to start the car. Cas wasn't half a second behind him and had the door closed before Baby had started.

"Did you mean in when you said you've loved me since you pulled me from hell."

"Of course, why else would I say it?"

"Then why, why, didn't you say anything?" Dean exclaimed.

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Good grief Cas." Was all Dean said before grabbing Cas by the lapels of his coat and kissing him. He pulled back a second later only to be pulled straight back in by Cas' hand in his hair.

The food was cool by the time they got back to the motel and Sam had packed all of his stuff and some of Dean's

"Good to see you two are still alive, I was about to send out a search party." He said with a knowing smirk.

"Shut up, bitch."

"Whatever, jerk."

Sure they still had a lot to work out, especially when it came to Dean's issues but they took the first step and that's what really matter.

With that thought Dean ate his cold muffin with a small smile on his face.

This is my first time posting something original (on this blog) and I'm super nervous. Please let me know if you find any egregious mistakes and I hope you liked it.

[wellofdean]

So in my ongoing efforts to say nice things about Supernatural and, as @luckshiptoshore said yesterday, "reclaim this nice, gay show" together, and also probably because I listened to Bruce Springsteen earlier today while I was thinking: why is it that this particular love story has me like it does? Why can't I let this Destiel thing go? I mean... I watched all the recent queer love stories and as much as I enjoyed Good Omens and OFMD, they just don't take up real estate in my soul like Supernatural does -- and that's not a decision I made, it just is. I don't know about you guys, but my little rages choose me.

Anyway, I was thinking -- it's probably not just because of queer representation or whatever, and I don't think it's because I want to see dudes be tender -- I think I ran out of that form of interest in the life of dudes awhile ago, but yeah, Bruce Springsteen. Born to Run. He says "I want to know love is wild, I want to know love is real" and I felt like it pretty much hit the nail on the head for me, somehow.

It's been a long time since I have felt moved by a het romance story. I feel like I can no longer believe it when the roles are so pre-packaged in the tropes and trappings of what was sold to me as idealised love in my younger days. And, like, I am Gen X, so it was pretty gruesome out there when I was learning how to want love -- the power of compulsory heterosexuality was strong, and the shit that was sold to us all as ways to love and be loved were pretty gross, just watch any romantic comedy from the 80's or 90's.

I think I love Supernatural so much because of the way Dean plays the role of a standard issue dude, and postures like he is a stereotypical red-blooded American dude, but it's so transparent that it isn't him. I don't know if it's just Jensen things, or if it was consciously done, but I love how unconvincing Dean's act is, and how clear it is that he is a wounded child whose own real desires and needs have been beaten out of him somehow, and I just love the way the real Dean and what that guy wants slow rises out of him as the story goes on, until he's choking on it, and visibly swallowing it down. For me, the queerest thing about Dean is his pain, his aching loneliness, and his sense of failure at being what he thinks he is -- a violent man who only knows how to kill, and I love Dean's moments of clarity, moments when he speaks from his own soul -- when he tells Cas he's sorry, tells John he has a family, tells Chuck "that's not who I am" are just everything to me.

Both Dean and Cas are victims of conditioning and coersion -- Dean trying to be his Daddy's perfect son, and being manipulated by Chuck, and Cas horribly violated and brainwashed repeatedly for millennia in heaven -- and they love each other in defiance of conditioning, because love is wild, and it's the product of their freedom.

I feel like ALL actual love eschews force and arises out of freedom. All real love is specific and weird, and is co-created in the space between lovers from what is most real in them and in that sense, all real love is queer in some way in that it is not part of the big social project of subjugating what doesn't comply. I feel like a lot of people lead lives of mindless compliance and that a thing that's wonderful about queer people and queer community is that we work against the grain to honor what is truest in us, whatever that is.

I guess I just love that, on Supernatural, the kind of love that saves the day is the kind that grows wild, like a weed you can't kill, out of more than a decade of choosing each other, again and again, and choosing to fight coercion and conditioning. Love that just fucking refuses to comply, and in fact, cannot comply, because non-compliance is it's very nature. There's something so hopeful and beautiful about that to me. I want to believe in it, and I do.

It's also why, after ALL THIS, in the context of that narrative, Dean is incontrovertibly queered, and anything else is just straight up narrative malpractice.

[adeptune01]

alright sorry to go on a supernatural rant in 2023 but...

it makes me feel insane.

Not to beat a dead horse or anything but like destiel will be it for me. Nothing else will ever compare to it. Like a man is raised by an absent father- a father who demands to be obeyed without question. A father who praises guilt, who tells the man that he is his brother's keeper. That he is responsible for all of his actions and those actions affects on others. The weight of the world is on his shoulders and he must bear it alone.

This man, the one that is single-handedly trying to save himself along with everyone he's ever crossed paths with, fails. He sacrifices himself to save his brother and he dies. He's sent to hell, a land of eternal punishment. 'No less than I deserve' he probably thinks.

But then he is saved. Not because of anything he's done. Not because of a deal he or his brother or his father has made. He is saved by a cosmic being of unfathomable power because of his nature which has been deemed by THEE Abrahamic God as being fundamentally good. The man who has hated himself his whole life for not being enough, not doing enough, is declared to be good.

And he feels guilty as hell. He didn't deserve this. Of those hundreds of people he's helped over the years...one of them...ANY of them is better than him. If he's God's strongest soldier then God is going to lose. He is going to fail God just like he failed his own father.

The man spirals while the heavenly power that saved him watches from afar. The power understands the man. He understands what it's like to hold Father to the highest esteem. He understands what it's like to blindly follow orders, hoping for the best. He also understands that the man has the brightest hope-filled soul he has ever seen.

So the power decides to help, and to do so he breaks away from the rest of heaven's contingency. He grows into his name- Castiel. The shield of God (I am not joking that is what Castiel means), created to protect humanity. AND become a pair with the Michael Sword- the man who believes he is unworthy- DEAN.

Through the years- DECADES- there's ups and downs. Divots and cracks in the Almighty's plans. But nothing they can't handle. They grow close and become more than allies in the fight against ghastly horrors beyond comprehension, they become best friends.

They have wild west movie marathons in the basement room designated as Dean's own "Fortress of Deanitude". They hang out late at night at crappy diners eating crappy pie. They go out cruising the town. They listen to the same music. They play pranks on each other. They learn about and remember each other's interests.

Their relationship grows deeper.

They fight. They lie. They attempt to kill each other. They raise a son together. They try to mentor a daughter. They leave. They come back. They mourn. They celebrate.

Together.

Two beings- one human, one angel- who were alone- whose defining characteristic was who their fathers were- prove that it's possible to break free from predestination, from circumstance. Their love, first as friends, then as something more, is as strong as the force that binds the universe- stronger, even.

And then they die.

Separately. Both convinced that the one thing they've wanted, the unnamed thing they've been fighting for, is the one thing they can't have. Because their fathers said so.

Despite everything, in the end, their fathers won. Dean died on the job he couldn't quit from an accident he couldn't help. Cas died obeying the first and most important commandment his Father gave him- to love and protect humanity.

THAT story is what I will never be able to get over. Not mentioning the gothic Americana aesthetic, the clear Protestant 'for by faith' message, the criticism of hyper-masculinity, the exploration of the 'American Dream'.....

[scoobydoodean]

following along with your rewatch posts, i’ve decided that i think one of the saddest things about the last three episodes of season 6, to me, is just how many chances dean gives cas. even when his brother and father-figure were telling him differently and even after cas did confess to working with crowley, dean was still giving him chances to stop. it wasn’t until cas gave dean an ultimatum involving somebody else dean loves, exactly like crowley’s and maybe too similar to how the angels have always tried to manipulate him, effectively reverting cas back into someone (a monster??) with flexible morals, again maybe too similar to how he was in season 4, that dean stops trusting cas. at least that’s how i’ve connected it. do you agree that it was cas’s ultimatum that was kinda the nail in the coffin of their “break up” or is their a different moment earlier or later that you see as thee moment?

and following that idea, i like to think that even after that dean still would’ve been willing to work with cas if he’d just gone and apologized and asked for help and listened to other ideas, but i wonder if you also think that would’ve ever happened considering both dean’s and cas’s mentalities after what happened to lisa and ben?

I kind of think it happens in stages. Dean still sees Cas as a friend by the end of 6.20. Their friendship is broken in 6.21, but they are both grieving that break. Dean ends the episode in tears, telling Cas that he wished that Cas saving Lisa had the power to mend the tear in their relationship. However, he's still so wounded by Cas's betrayal that he knows none of it is fixed, and he's devastated. Even in 6.22—even after Cas breaks Sam's wall, sending him into a coma—Dean still begs Cas "Don't make me lose you too". Their friendship has been ripped apart, but Dean never stops loving Cas and that makes it all even harder to bear. It's actually in the opening of 7.01 that I believe Dean gives up on Cas, and not because he doesn't love him anymore, but because he thinks the Cas he knew is gone and is never coming back.

Way longer review below the cut:

Dean felt so upset and guilty and torn for most of 6.20. He was trapped between loyalty to and belief in Cas and loyalty to Sam and Bobby—insisting that Cas just made a mistake, that Cas would never lie, that all three of THEM were all being bad friends for doubting him. Finding out Sam and Bobby were right (and only because Cas accidentally slipped up!) was devastating. When it all came to light, Dean just watched Sam, Bobby, and Cas argue at first. When he jumped in, it was to point out Cas's doubts in his own plan and reassert that all of them are supposed to be (and still are) a team.

DEAN: Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil! CASTIEL: It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it? DEAN: I was there. Where were you? DEAN: You should've come to us for help, Cas. CASTIEL: Maybe.  It's too late now. I can't turn back now. I can't. DEAN: It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this! CASTIEL: Dean, it's not broken! Run. You have to run now! Run!

Dean knows to some extent that Cas was scared to tell them what he was up to because of the potential fallout, so he insists they can fix this. And I really do think that here, he means they can fix the whole Raphael situation as a team without risking letting something out of Purgatory, but also that their relationship is easily fixable.

The next time they see each other, Dean and Cas have both had more time to think, but it's actually made both of them more worked up. Cas is insisting he did this all for them, and Dean is having none of it (then why did Cas lie? then why did Cas have Dean working for himself and Crowley without Dean's knowledge? And in ways that put Dean's life at risk and in ways that were overtly coerced?). Meanwhile, Cas feels like he was never really heard, and he wants so badly to prove that his actions were backed by pure intentions only (though Cas's narration in 6.20 undermines his assertion, referencing hubris and sunk cost fallacy). Dean knows he's still being bullshitted and lied to, and he also knows it's because Cas can't stop lying to himself.

DEAN: I'm not gonna logic you, okay? I'm saying don't...Just 'cause. I'm asking you not to. That's it. CASTIEL: I don't understand. DEAN: Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family -- that you are like a brother to me. So, if I'm asking you not to do something...You got to trust me, man. CASTIEL: Or what?

I think Dean's meaning here often gets interpreted in an unkind way. But at this point, Bobby and Sam had already explained the team's perspective on opening up Purgatory, and Dean had pointed out that Cas's secrets pointed to doubt in his own plan. So next, because he knows Cas already doubts his own plan but thinks he needs to do this anyway because it's "too late", Dean sets aside any arguments about the utility of Cas's plan and tells Cas how much he cares about him. He is essentially telling Cas again that it is not too late to mend their relationship, while also telling Cas (who is already in a state of paranoia that is getting worse) that Dean's concern about Cas's plan have no ulterior motive. Refusing to stand beside Cas isn't a plot against him—it comes from a place of love. Cas nearly chokes on Dean's expression of affection for a moment, but then he steels himself and turns it back into a fight with, "Or what?", tossing Dean's love aside, and both of them turn back to the solider mentality—to duty. Cas believes he has to do this to save the world, and Dean believes he has to stop him to save the world. They both believe everyone is depending on them (and Death later reiterates that he was depending on Dean to stop this and shames him for failure).

In the following episode, Crowley kidnaps Lisa and Ben and uses them to try and force Dean to stand down, and Dean has to assume that Castiel knows and is a part of this. And it isn't unreasonable that Dean makes that assumption, because Cas knew Crowley was forcing Sam and Dean to work for him after a certain point, and he presumably knew Crowley used Sam's soul as leverage, boasting that he pulled Sam from The Cage when he didn't. Cas did that, and then let Crowley lie and use it as leverage over the brothers to force them to do his bidding. So why wouldn't Dean assume that Cas decided to leverage someone else Dean cares about while hiding behind Crowley's moral bankruptcy and claiming his own hands are clean? Now Dean isn't just hurt—he's angry.

Meanwhile, Cas has worked himself up to feeling betrayed. He feels unheard—he feels like if Dean only listened, he'd understand and Dean would fall in line. He becomes so fixated on explaining and re-acquiring Dean's loyalty that when he learns Lisa and Ben were kidnapped, he... makes it all about himself? The first thing out of his mouth after "saving" Dean (from a situation Cas helped to create and then expects thanks for) is to basically say, "I had no idea Crowley would leverage people you care about to force your compliance". Except... Cas did know that Crowley would do that. He didn't know Crowley would take Lisa and Ben specifically, but Crowley leveraging the people Dean cares about to bend him to his will already happened this season. It happened when Crowley forced Sam and Dean to work for him while dangling Sam's soul over their heads! More than that, Cas shows his priorities. His concern in this scene is first and foremost with proving he didn't do anything wrong and this isn't his fault and that he is entitled to Dean's loyalty instead of trying to fix the present emergency situation. When Dean doesn't believe Cas wasn't involved with Lisa and Ben's kidnapping, Cas is devastated, but more than that—it reinforces his feelings of betrayal and his growing resentment toward Dean for "disloyalty". Wounded, he flips Dean's words about them being family to serve his side, claiming that he is entitled to Dean's trust, but he ignores everything he did that created the distrust. Even though Cas specifically noted Dean's extreme loyalty to him in 6.20 while Sam and Bobby grew increasingly suspicious, Cas now implies that Dean has never really been loyal to Cas, when he outright knows that that isn't true. Then Cas words something very very badly, and comes across as if he's predicating his help with Lis and Ben on Dean standing down. This only reinforces Dean's suspicions that Cas had something to do with the entire thing! They both leave the encounter heartbroken—and then again at the end of the episode. By the end of 6.20, Dean was still willing to call Cas a friend, but after this episode, their relationship is damaged in a way that is no longer easy to fix. With tears in his eyes, Dean says at the end of the episode,

Thank you. I wish this changed anything.

Cas saving Lisa isn't enough. Dean is still so wounded—he wishes things were different and they could still be friends, but Cas hurt him. Even still, Dean hasn't given up on Cas. He's very hurt, and he's angry, but he still believes maybe he can make Cas see sense, and he still cares about him. He shows this in 6.21.

In the opening of 6.21, Cas and Crowley torture Eleanor. Dean hears her say:

The demon I could've handled, but when the angel stepped in, I-

A moment later, when Cas arrives, he tries to hide behind Crowley, claiming it was all his fault.

Crowley got carried away.

This lie also reinforces Dean's belief that Cas will hide behind Crowley's unethical dealings like a shield, throwing all the blame on him while pretending his ass doesn't stink. This calls Cas's assertions that the Lisa and Ben plot was all Crowley's doing into question even further. Even then though, Dean is analyzing—trying to see beneath the surface:

You don't even see it, do you? How totally off the rails you are!

This is actually very generous. Dean believes Cas isn't cognizant of how bad his own actions are, when a lot of people might start to believe this is who their (former) friend is deep down.

THEN Cas throws the biggest self-sabotaging move possible. In 6.21, Cas is devastated by Dean believing Cas would leverage the people Dean cares about to bend Dean to his will. But then... in 6.22, Cas turns around and... leverages a person Dean cares about to bend Dean to his will.

Well rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam, but only if you stand down.

AND YET. Even after this AND Lisa and Ben, Dean STILL tries AGAIN. He doesn't lie about their relationship being broken, but his words make it clear that he still still cares about Cas's safety:

Listen to me. Listen, I know there's a lot of bad water under the bridge, but we were family once. I'd have died for you. I almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you... Please. I've lost Lisa, I've lost Ben, and now I've lost Sam. Don't make me lose you too.

Pleading. PLEADING yet again, after EVERYTHING. After Sam (who is in a coma at that point) and Lisa and Ben... it still isn't so bad that Dean wouldn't grieve losing Cas too. Like. WOW.

And again, Cas rejects him, and says they aren't friends. Then in 7.01, Godstiel asserts that they were never really friends—they were Cas's pets.

Once you were my favorite pets before you turned and bit me.

I think type of language from Cas really really sets off Dean's danger sirens, because this is how the other angels talk about Dean—calling him an ape, a howler monkey, a marmoset... a meatsuit that exists to be used—to play a role—to serve as entertainment even—to be used as food even. Cas is supposed to be different. He distinguishes himself from this sort of language as early as 4.07 when he admonishes Uriel for calling humans "plumbing on two legs". Instead, Cas tells Dean in 4.07 that humans are precious works of art. Now in 7.01, Godstiel says Dean was never anything more than a pet to him. I also don't think Cas saying at the end of 6.20 "You're just a man" after Dean told him how much he cared about him helped either (though Cas didn't mean that in particular as a dismissal of Dean's affections—I think Dean could easily have received it that way, and it is a dominance display where Cas treats his own viewpoint as more worthy and valuable because he is more physically powerful and Dean is a mortal). I think this is where Dean really tells himself that Cas is gone—especially after Cas reiterates that he won't heal Sam to punish Dean for disobeying him. Dean's defeatist attitude is present from the beginning of the episode in terms of salvaging his friend. The Cas Dean knew is gone. Dean tried to get through to Cas several times and had his affections dismissed or reversed for what came across as a manipulation tactic, then Cas said their relationship never meant anything to him—it was never real. A person who sees Dean as a lesser creature because he is not as physically powerful or as old or whatever the hell? That is NOT the Cas that Dean grew to care about. Their entire relationship started from the basic notion that Cas valued humans as equals and it grew from there. You cannot be friends with someone who doesn't even see you as a person. You cannot get through to a person who sees you as a pet. So Dean gives up on saving Cas. Shortly after, Death blames Dean for not being able to stop Cas in time, and Dean gives up on all of it. Cas finally sees sense a day later. He almost immediately tries to make things better, but Dean isn't ready.

CASTIEL: Dean? DEAN: What, you need something else? CASTIEL: No. I feel regret, about you and what I did to Sam. DEAN: Yeah, well, you should.

Dean is still angry. I mean—of course he is. Anyone would be.

CASTIEL: If there was time, if I was strong enough, I'd -- I'd fix him now. I just wanted to make amends before I die. DEAN: Okay.

We see something that becomes kind of a staple of Dean and Cas's relationship—Cas wanting to fix things with actions. I mean fixing Sam would be a good idea, but fixing Sam doesn't fix the emotional damage that's happened here. Cas is apologizing, but Dean isn't in an emotional state where he can accept the apology. He needs space. He can't even imagine what they do now.

CASTIEL: Is it working?

I find this VERY funny. But in all seriousness—it's Cas predicating forgiving himself on Dean forgiving him, and Dean kind of digs into that by turning it back on Cas and saying:

DEAN: Does it make you feel better?

Morosely, the conversation ends with them saying:

CASTIEL: No. You? DEAN: Not a bit.

Cas is mournful, Dean is exhausted and shut down. Still—he can't stop touching Cas, and when they think he's dead for a moment:

BOBBY: He's cold. DEAN: Is he breathing? BOBBY: No. DEAN: Maybe angels don't need to breathe. BOBBY: He's gone, Dean.

HE DIDN'T WANT CAS TO DIE. HE DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE HIM TOO.

When Cas ends up waking up:

CASTIEL: I'm ashamed. I really overreached.

Istg he's doing this shit 👉👈🥺. Dean is not amused.

DEAN: You think? CASTIEL: I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you. DEAN: All right, well, one thing at a time. Come on. Let's get you out of here. Come on.

Honestly? I think Dean is just relieved Cas is alive—and he isn't ready to forgive Cas, but he also doesn't want Cas to think he can't. So he just keeps saying, "Okay." OKAY. Cas makes Dean stop—makes him listen:

CASTIEL: I mean it, Dean. DEAN: Okay. All right. 

Dean believes him. Their relationship isn't fixed, but Cas is promising to fix it, and Dean isn't going to shut him down from trying. He doesn't want to lose Cas either.