#i can’t go back but i accept this. i forgave it before it even happened. no pain is worth the grief of a grudge ever

[2003hondacivic]

some journal entries during an incredibly hard period of my life

[glitterfairy-21225]

Honestly, I like that we’re only now seeing Demetri feed into anger and make decisions he’ll probably regret later. Now, after Hawk has already had his redemption arc and rejected Cobra Kai’s ideology. I don’t think any sane viewer would have blamed him for going a little dark after Hawk broke his arm, but he didn’t. In fact, Demetri forgave Hawk extremely easily. He’s better than me, I don’t think most people would be willing to look past that so quickly.

So why now? Why does MIT hurt more than all the far worse stuff Eli did when he was in Cobra Kai?

Demetri has been learning Miyagi Do since s2. Before that, he disliked Cobra Kai’s way of doing things and only really clicked with karate when he was taught balance and self defense. Demetri is probably behind Sam and Anthony as the teen character with the least amount of experience in Cobra Kai.

But there’s a reason all the adult characters keep talking about balance. It can’t just be either all rage or all forgiveness. I can imagine Demetri harboring some pent up resentment over Hawk’s actions, buried so deep he doesn’t even realize it’s there until they have another fight.

And this time, it’s not Kreese’s brainwashing. It’s not that his best friend was angry about their lots in life and lashed out to extreme extents. There’s not a greater bad guy to point at behind Hawk, there’s not even really a bad guy. They’ve just been through a lot and they’re different people than they were when they first picked a college. Eli is telling him, “You’re my best friend but we’re never going back to how we used to be. We cannot go back and I’m not sure I want the same future as you.”

And this is after Demetri gets his best friend back. Apart from everything with Silver and Kreese, his life is going relatively uphill; Eli is good again, they have plenty of other friends, he’s dating Yasmine, and he’s learnt karate. Other than his friends’ success, he really isn’t looking for more than to preserve what he’s already gained. Losing MIT with Eli is a curveball he didn’t expect, just another thing he’s supposed to accept and move on from, and it happens when Demetri thinks he’s found security.

And then there Demetri’s motivation for wanting to compete in the Sekai Taikai. It’s not ambition. Demetri already got what he wanted out of Miyagi Do, he knows how to defend himself. In past seasons, he stayed because there was safety in numbers and of course he was against Cobra Kai. But now that Kreese is out of the valley, Demetri is still with the dojo because all his friends are there and he has developed a genuine enjoyment of martial arts. He doesn’t really want more. He says multiple times that he’s okay if where he’s at is the farthest he’ll go in terms of karate.

Demetri is comfortable being a side character. He doesn’t think he’ll ever outdo the core four or Hawk so he doesn’t see a point in trying. He wants to ride out the rest of his senior year with the dojo and then go to MIT, where he’ll do what he’s always been good at, where he might actually excel.

And Yasmine calls him out on this. They bonded when they were both at their lowest and she dated him while Demetri was helping the fight against Cobra Kai. She does not want him to throw in the towel too early and grow stagnant.

So, at first, Demetri really trains and tries his best to get picked for the Sekai Taikai to please her. But then Hawk tells him he’s unsure about MIT, and, “You chose my path?!” There was such genuine hurt in his voice, but Demetri could never hurt Hawk as much as Hawk hurt him. And Barnes said you have to be ruthless to get into the Sekai Taikai, yet Hawk showed him mercy, which Demetri exploits.

Demetri is clearly unsure of his actions when he takes the flag and runs. He seriously considers helping his best friend up. But when Eli decided to be selfish, he did so much damage, so why can’t Demetri be selfish this one time? Why can’t he lash out and take the victory he wants at the other’s expense? It’s not like he does anything worse than what Hawk’s done to him?

Sometimes you just need to hash it out and make up. It’s why Sam and Tory couldn’t spar properly after becoming friends; they realized they liked each other so they didn’t address their baggage. But because they didn’t, they felt at risk of falling into bad habits whenever the past finally did catch up to them. But they talked it out, they apologized for the things they regret, they brought up lingering resentments. Demetri wanted his best friend back so he forgave too easily, and now that they’re fighting again, so much past hurt is being brought to the surface.

Now that Cobra Kai is out of the valley, Demetri has started falling back to old habits. It’s been noted that he does most of the talking on Eli’s behalf in the early episodes of s6, his resignation about the Sekai Taikai reminds me a lot about his apathy towards high school in s1, and he assumes they’ll still go through with the college plans they made before their falling out. I do think Demetri genuinely wanted to be a part of the tournament but resigned himself after the team number was announced. When Hawk came clean about applying to MIT, Demetri finally decided to take more.

The show is about balance, it’s about finding a middle ground between defense and offense, Daniel and Johnny. I don’t think Demetri is gonna have a full blown villain arc or join Kreese or anything overly dramatic (we’re already getting that with Tory). He’s been loyal to Miyagi Do for too long. But that’s kind of the issue, he never fully let himself get angry at Hawk, and this is the result. Like Johnny said about Tory, if it takes a fight to process all your emotions, then fight, because holding it in will only make everything uglier.

[atinyniki]

dear (ex)lover.

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!kim seungmin x f!reader

genre: pure angst, letter

warnings + additional info: seungmin is referred to as seungmin and min, seungmin was (and still is) a dick, seungmin is a player, seungmin led reader on, reader reminisces the past, reader blames seungmin for the downfall of their relationship (rightfully so), reader has past trauma from relationships, mentions of waiting till marriage, reader has body image issues, reader has been depressed, reader has trust issues, reader misses seungmin, just a really really sad angsty letter, intended lowercase, written in letter format.

authors note: okay. im so sorry for this... this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 1033

dear lover,

why don’t we talk anymore? i remember, you told me i was your best friend once. i remember, i was your best friend before i was your lover. i understand, your love for me is gone now, but weren’t we supposed to be friends? didn’t you tell me we could go back to the way it was? so why don’t you talk to me? why do you avoid my eyes when you see me? why do you ignore my texts?

why do you only speak to me when it’s convenient for you?

i remember when i first opened up to you, my love. i told you i didn’t fit in with the group. i didn't think you needed me, and i didn’t think the others did either. you told me you didn’t know you needed me until i was in your life. do you still need me? why did you love me like that if you were just going to ghost me in the end? we talked about so much. you bought me my wedding ring. i wore my heart on my sleeve for you. you gave me a promise ring. why did you break your promise? why did you write so many love letters to me, knowing that you were leaving in the end?

what did i do to be treated like this? i should have been better to you, right? it’s my fault, right? i had to have done something… right? what did i do? i can do better, i can. i can be a better friend, i promise. you were my first real friend. you held me when things were hard. i need you to hold me once more. you always did my hair all nice to distract me. i miss when you’d braid it. you even played with my stuffed animals with me. you were the first person who accepted me for me.

why don’t you like me anymore? why am i always the one to approach you? did you only speak to me because i spoke to you first? was this all one-sided and you only spoke to me because i annoyed you till you replied? i didn’t know. i didn’t know that i was being annoying. i didn’t realize it. i thought you wanted me too. i’ve been having nightmares again. you told me you’d be there. it’s funny, isn’t it? you promised you’d always be there, but now you’re the cause of them. you broke my trust. you fucked up, and i forgave you. again and again, i forgave you. i took you back for every mistake you made.

why did you take my heart for granted? why did you break me like this? am i unlovable? did you grow tired of me? could you not stand me anymore like the others? the boys told me what you said about me. what you said about my body. i know i don’t look the same anymore, but can’t you still love me? am i really all that different now? or maybe you just don’t want someone who rots in bed all day. yeah, they told me that part too. maybe you couldn’t deal with my past trauma. i’ve lost people in the past like i lost you before. you told me you wouldn’t leave me. not the way they did, at least. but you did. you left, and you ruined me in the process.

maybe i am unlovable. maybe this was meant to happen. was it for the better? did you mean it when you said you loved me those last nights we spent together? did you find it fun? breaking my heart? was it nice to watch me fall apart that night on my bedroom floor? was it fun to use my own pain against me? was it fun telling me it was my fault? did it take some of your guilt away?

i’m mad at you, still.

but a part of me still loves you. a part of me still wants to forgive you, and i don’t know why. i shouldn’t, i know. you don’t deserve my forgiveness. you don’t deserve anything i have to offer. but i still want to forgive you. i still want to love you like i used to. i still want to tell you that im here for you, and i still want to hold you while we fall asleep. i still want to brush away your tears, and i still want to do your skincare for you. but you’re fading away from my life. i don’t know the person i fell in love with anymore, because they aren’t you. i miss his sweet voice, and i miss his melting touch. i miss the sound of his heartbeat, and i miss his heart. but it’s always going to be you, isn’t it? it’s always been you. you’re the person i love most, but the feelings are fading away too. i want to keep them with me. i want to hold it all so tight that your love can’t escape anymore, but you’re gone. you’re gone, and you took my heart with you.

i’m sorry. was i not good enough for you? i wish i could have been the one for you. i don’t know if i’m allowed to say it, but i miss you, min. i miss our late night laughter, i miss our runs to the coffee shop. i miss the bond we had. where did it go? why am i the only one putting effort into this stupid friendship anymore? why do i always text first? why am i begging for you to love me again?

it’s stupid.

this is stupid.

you’re stupid.

i hate you.

i hate you for using me.

i hate you so much for ruining us.

i hate you for ruining what we had.

i hate you for ruining every memory with you.

i hate you for ruining me for anybody else.

you ruined me.

they’ll never be you.

no one will ever be you.

i hate you, kim seungmin.

i hate you.

i miss you.

i miss you, and i hate it.

i hate it.

i hate you.

i love you, your ex lover.

</3

[inuiiwonderland]

I’m sorry….

A/n: Take this as an apology for me not being active on here😔

Word:678

Warnings: mentions of toxic relationships, slight hint of abuse, and angst (tell me if I forgot anything!)

Mitsuya x fem reader

-

Another knock on the door caused you to sigh as you got up from your bed to go answer it.

Walking down the stairs you could feel your heart pound with every step you took, knowing who is behind that door in the late hours of the night. You finally made it to the door, taking a deep breath and opening it to see your best friend. Mitsuya.

"Y/n…" You could see the dried up tears and how puffy his eyes were. Probably from all the crying he did before coming to your place.

"Just come in" You said as you stepped aside for him to enter your home. He quietly did as you said and walked in. You closed the door and walked to the living room where he was.

"So what happened this time?" He let out a sigh and sat down on the couch.

"She said I wasn't giving her much attention. I already told her how packed my schedule is because of the next fashion show for next month. But then she started saying how I'm lying and that I just don't want to spend time with her." You sat quietly on the opposite end of the couch as you listened.

"She also said that I don't love her anymore and that I'm losing feelings, which I'm not because I truly love her!" Your heart aches hearing those words but you tried not to show it.

"Last night she went out and emma sent me a picture of her going to a hotel with some guy. I confronted her about it today which caused an argument about me not having any trust in her. And I trust her! But then she said that she was going to break up with me because I'm always busy.." Your heart broke seeing him all stressed and scared of losing the one girl he loves. It wasn't anything new for Mitsuya to run to you every week after a fight with his girlfriend. You started growing used to it as time went by, but it made you even more sad and annoyed seeing him still be with her after everything that she has put him through.

You noticed earlier on that the relationship those two have wasn't healthy. More like toxic. She loves to control, lie and use him for almost everything. Even after he caught her cheating one time he still forgave her and stayed by her side. Which caught you off guard since you didn't expect that from him.

But what could you do? He has been in love with her since high school and was thrilled when she accepted his confession on graduation day. Which caused you to cry that night.

"Mitsuya…this isn't normal you know, she has put you through a lot and caused you so much stress! She cheated on you multiple times so why?! Why are you still hurting yourself like this?”

The boy stayed silent. His hands were shaking and he closed his eyes as he looked away.

“Y/n…she’s my girlfriend. The love of my life and I think people deserve second-“

“Bullshit. She already cheated on you gods know how much and lied to you on multiple occasions! Hell she even put her hands on you mitsuya! That’s not love takashi…”

“But…I know…I know she’s going to change. She’ll stop”

No she won’t

“Takashi…”

“I-“ He was cut off by the sound of his phone going off. Text after text and soon a call made Mitsuya stand up as he grabbed his phone.

“It’s her” He says. As he was about to accept the call, you gently took a hold of his hand.

“Mitsuya…” You pleaded.

“This isn’t Healthy and you know it. You can’t continue staying with her. So please…don’t” The phone continued ringing as his phone blew up with texts. His eyes went from the phone to you and then to his phone before finally going back to you.

“M’sorry…”

Your heart shattered as he picked up the phone and made his way towards the door.

-

This was an old draft from last year😭 so sorry if it’s ooc😓

[miss0atae]

Random thoughts about Dead Friend Forever the series episode 10 :

I finally could watch the latest episode and it was great as always. I’m truly enjoying every moments. You never get bored and they always manage to grab your attention so you’ll want to see the next episode.

▪️ Phee finally revealed the truth to Jin about everything he planned with Tan/New when joining the group. It seems Phee is not on board anymore with whatever Tan/New wants to do to know what happens to his brother if the results is more death. Phee always had this guilt about Non and he wanted to have answer but he draws the line at killing others to know it. I understand why. They have different motives in this quest. I would also said how his feelings for Jin made him rethink his “partnership” with Tan/New. Now, he wants to put an end to Tan/New’s schemes before it gets to crazy. I do agree with @mikuni14 about how it makes sense they forgave each other. We have to see them as a pair now. Phee said again how he will protect Jin and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Now they admitted they had feelings for each other, so they will try to get out together or they would die together. I don’t think, it would be another way for them in the future.

▪️ Back in the house, White convinced Tee to not use the gun against Fluke and Top. We could say it’s the power of love. Tee really is listening to what White has to say. I also gave him the gun and it’s again a proof of how he trusts his boyfriend. There is one thing annoying me in this scene and it’s how long it took Tee to stop pointing his gun at the Fluke or Top. No one can just stand there pointing a gun for so long without making a mistake. But anyway, that’s not important. My favorite boy, White is more intelligent than any of these idiots because he was the first one to question the so-called possession of Top and to recognize he was acting like he is high. Of course, Fluke and Tee didn’t really listen. Then, there was a fight between Fluke and Tee about Non.

▪️ Phee and Jin, after spending a lot of time going around in circle in the forest (apart from losing the ax in front of the house, I’m still trying to find what it means for them to have spend that amount of time going in circles. There must be a reason!) came back to the house and stopped Fluke and Tee from fighting. It became the grand moment of reveal about the true identity of Tan. I laughed a bit when Tee didn’t really reacted when the name New was said. Those guys never cared for Non and his life. They didn’t even know the name of his brother. They just used him and tossed him after it. It was only Jin who liked him and even his love was not enough for him to actually do something to help him (quick aside about how I was socked to learn he knew about Non having a boyfriend… How?! Did he saw the phone calls? I can’t seem to remember when he would have learn about that). Tan/New tried to deny but Phee admitted he told everything to Jin. I think if anything happens to Phee in the coming episodes it’s because he did revealed Tan’s identity. Maybe Tan/New had suspicious about Phee before, but he never did anything to him and gladly accepted his help. Now, things may change because Phee choose to side with Jin and Tan/New really saw it at this time.

▪️ Fluke decided it was the moment to act like stupidly again and took the gun from White to threaten him with it. I don’t know why he is always the one to torment White but it’s really starting to piss me off. Among all of them, White is still, so far, the only innocent person in this house. Tee, again, was really scared for him. It’s really hard to accept that he was a terrible person to Non, but at the same time he is ready to die for White if it means saving him. That’s the moment Top decided to free himself and he died. I won’t say I will miss him because it’s a miracle he survived until now. I thought he would have died before. Better him than my favorite character. Finally, we got the confession from Tee. He brought Non to his Uncle. Non was then beaten black and blue by his Uncle’s minions and he asked them to get rid of them and find any excuses to explain their disappearance. We already knew something like that happen so it wasn’t exactly fresh news for us. Tee admitted to everyone he has no idea what happened to Non after. I felt mostly sad for White because he discovered his considerate and loving boyfriend is not what he seems to be. It must hurt a lot. Jin and Tan/New vented their anger at Tee after learning the truth. Only thing I really appreciated from Fluke is how he stopped Tee from playing the victim card to make excuses for what he did. It’s not like he had no idea about what his Uncle was doing or what could happen to Non. You don’t have to be a genius to know.

▪️ Now what is very interesting is the preview for the next episode. I don’t know how they do it but the always manage to keep you hooked for the next one. It seems like Non is still alive and was working at Tee’s Uncle hidden place. Tee knows it and said he will help Non. The scene seems to be after the beating of Non, so why did he say he had no idea what happens to Non? I don’t like this small apparition of White in the preview. What does it mean? Does he know about Non too? Does it have nothing to do with anything? It’s in the past so it must mean something… Also, Tee gave Non an envelop. What is inside? Is it a way to get the hell away from this place? Is it money? If Non is alive why has he not tried to contact his brother/family (he may not know his parents are dead… or maybe he knows, couldn’t find New because he was masquerading as Tan at that time and thought he was alone… Or something else...) This preview is raising so much more questions. What is Tan/New going to do now? They can’t stay much longer in the house. Will they try to find Non? I think Tan/New is going to get crazy and kill all of them because what else can he do at that point?

I really love this series. It’s a pleasure to watch but also debate about it. All the theories or thoughts about it are also really fun to read. Next Saturday won’t come fast enough.

[cthomashoodstory]

Best Years but not In the Same Way (31)

Calum Hood x Reader

Previous Part

Hi all thank you for still reading this crap story that i can’t ignored. After 3 years abandoned it, i came back and continue. I hope i will be able to finish it! Enjoy.

Masterlist

-

Since you and Calum made up, everything went back to normal. And about the RSVP for Justin’s wedding, you decided not to come. After a long talk with your boyfriend, alongside with consideration that Calum will go to the tour with Chainsmoker on September 25, You will release a single called Memories and will do promo and you two were busy.

And the real reason behind it was… you couldn’t. It was your ex fiancé big day and people’s eyes will judge you if you came. And you weren’t ready to face it.

Counting days to the release of your single. It was inspired by your late father. You have been missing him since the day you left him. You still regret it until today. What if you never run away from home and accepted that he married someone you hate. You might eventually love your step mother and became a real happy family. And all of the event that been going on in your life would never happened.

Out of nowhere, Mike Posner called you and you picked up.

“Hello sister!” He greeted me. “You’re not going to the studio?”

“No,” you shook your head. “I’m going to my dad’s. Is okay if I skipped helping you just for today? Please?”

“Sure. Sure. You go take your time. I will see you tomorrow, okay?” He hung up the call.

Then you get ready to go to the flower shop to get some flowers.

Hours later you arrived with a bunch of flowers and put it on their graves.

“Dad.” You called him. Obviously no answer. “You know what? I think you’re here and you could read what’s on my mind.” “He’ll get married in two weeks. Yeah, he was so easily moved on. He got engaged last year, when I struggled myself with my mental health. He legally married 2 months after, while I embarrassed myself in front of thousands people.”

“But I survived, dad. I’m here. Calum helped me through it. I just wish i never chose Justin over Calum.” You said it as if your dad listened.

You said goodbye to them and when you turned back you saw someone stood before you. You yelled but immediately covered your mouth with your palm.

“Sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you.” Barry said while giggled.

“No it’s fine. What you doing here?” You asked him. But you answered it right away. “Oh, your mom.”

He smiled. “How have you been, Bar?” His smile is truly genuine. You missed him so bad. The last time you saw him was January ‘17 when you were still engaged to Justin.

You returned his smile. “I’m doing good.” You paused. “It’s been a long time since the last time we met. How’s your dad, Iris and Joe?”

“They’re fine. They asked about you sometimes. Oh by the way, i have my own place now. No more staying with my dad.” He grinned. “At the apartement we used to lived.”

You stunned.

“It’s still cozy, by the way. Nothing has changed since i left.”

He way he said it was really calm and cheerful. He really made you speechless and couldn’t speak any single word. He really forgave you for all of your mistakes and it even made you adore him even more.

“Hey, you okay? You haven’t responded anything i said before.” Barry caught you. “Look, if i said something that might offended you, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean any of it.”

You smiled. “I was just…,” you looked at his eyes. “I’m so happy i met you today. We never talk since 2017 and now, in 2019 we randomly met here and you came to greeted me and…” you couldn’t finished the rest of the speech because you ran out of words.

-

“Thank you for driving me here.” You said it while you and Barry walked to the lobby. “I know, i can drive and I’m supposed to have a car by my own. But… i still enjoy being this way.” You still need one moment to reassure yourself that you need a car. Well that was weird and stupid.

Barry laughed. “Okay okay, you really read my mind. Alright. I have to go to the police station.”

When Barry was about to turn back, you saw Calum opened the lobby door. You waved to him and he walked towards you smiling.

“Hey love.” He kissed your forehead. “I thought you still on your way here.”

“I got here faster because he drove me.” Your eyes pointed at Barry. And he was just smiled at both of you and Calum. “Cal, this is Barry.” You introduced him, your ex to your boyfriend. This wasn’t awkward you swear because there wasn’t any beef between them.

“I’m Barry, Barry Allen.” Barry gave his right hand. Calum was silent for 5 seconds but finally he shook Barry’s hand. You sighed in relieved and kinda giggled a little. Dude, this is one of the most angst moment you ever felt.

“Alright, i gotta go. Bye.” Barry went outside and you and Calum walked to the lift.

“Wow, i finally met him in person.” Calum talked when we inside the lift.

“Why is that?” You asked him curiously.

He chuckled. “I don’t know. He’s a good person and i had no beef with him. He’s very nice to you and I’m grateful for that.”

You nodded.

After minutes you and Calum made it to the apartment.

“Hey Cali,” you called him when he walked to the kitchen table to put some stuff. “What if i never ran away from my dad, and we never met?”

“I guess my life would be less drama and boring.” Said him. You just chuckled. “Seriously, i’d rather being in this complicated life with you than living with someone else.”

You smiled and hugged him tightly.

-

To be continued

(Sorry this is so boring)

[masterthespianduchovny]

It’s really fascinating that whenever people are pressed by a ship it’s always 1. Why can’t men and women just be friends??? 2. Shippers clearly weren’t paying attention to the story.

Just say you don’t like the ship and own that shit. Stop trying to condescend and pretend people who ship two characters aren’t paying attention or, in the case of Freya and Kratos, are ignoring their backstories, which is far from the case.

When it comes to Kratos, just because he’s still mourning his wife’s death doesn’t mean he cannot move on or that he wouldn’t fall in love with someone, in this case Freya, unplanned. Faye tells him to open his heart and himself to the world so that he has an actual relationship with his son and fulfilling relationships with others in general. It stands to reason that a man who is in the process of doing that might fall in love with someone, esp someone he has such a deep connection with.

Before Kratos found out that Freya was a god, he clearly distrusted her the least and was opening up to her in a way he hadn’t with anyone besides his wives. Then he finds out that she’s a god and is angry with her and closes himself off again. When Atreus gets sick, despite his poor behavior, he goes to her and literally trusts her with his son’s life. Literally the most important person to him. Kratos is distraught and goes to HER. If he truly distrusted her that wouldn’t have happened. He felt played and was angry as a result.

He believes so much in the goodness of Freya, despite his past with gods and her concealing her identity, that he kills her son against her wishes. He regrets hurting her, but not choosing her life over Baldur’s. Kratos’ care is so deep for her, it extends even years later when she’s actively trying to kill him. Kratos literally refuses to hurt or kill her and only fights back to defend himself.

Kratos unashamedly compliments and comforts Freya and isn’t coy about it in the least bit. He finds her admirable and says it’s plainly.

Yes, men and women can be just friends, but honestly, these two are tinged with sexual tension. There’s this intimacy that exists between them that makes it hard to see it as remaining just platonic.

Which leads to Freya. Although Kratos killed her son, deep down she knows that it was necessary and that her anger at him was a projection of how her actions led to this as well as her shit marriage with Odin. As much as she loved her son, he made the world as worse place. This was partially (or mostly) a consequence of her trying to protect him from all harm, which fucked up him mental then emotional state. Add to having Odin as a father, a monster was created.

Because of her banishment at the hands of Odin as well as the shit he pulled during their marriage—only giving her a child to control her, I believe—all she had ti keep her going was Baldur’s safety and protection. Her mind was distorted due to her hostile circumstances. She literally couldn’t protect herself even if she tried and was locked away in an u familiar land. Cut off from her brother and her people.

We get hints that Freya doesn’t hate Kratos as much as she wants to believe. There’s so much subtleties and nuances in their interactions and how she has to fight his advice and being endeared to him. When he helps free her from Odin’s spell, she calls a truce between them. After that, her hostility melts towards him even though she says she can never forgive him.

Freya pleads for Kratos to fight against Odin and even makes him head of the army. She explicitly trust him with her life and of that of the nine realms. After she is free from Odin’s magic, she never uses Baldur against Kratos at all.

And I honestly do believe she forgave him completely because kratos knew what it was like to be betrayed and manipulated by a god and lose a child. He did not want to kill Baldur, it was a necessity, one that I believe she accepts. Him revealing that personal stuff about his daughter softens Freya in her assessment of him.

Freya reveals to him that she’d have another child if the opportunity presented itself. Considering that he’s the man that killed her only child, that says a lot. Why would she even reveal this to him? It has nothing to do with romance, but her trust in him. He’s a confidant and someone she feels not only comfortable around, but is okay with being vulnerable with.

She constantly laughs and jokes with him and feels more comfortable around him than Mimir. Again, Kratos is the man who killed her son, where as mimir suggested the marriage between her and Odin. Later, she is friends with mimir, but it’s telling that she’s closer to Kratos before she is with mimir. She’s also very complimentary towards him as well.

Rather than going off and doing her own thing, Freya chooses to help Kratos rebuild society, which isn’t some light commitment. She’s literally going to be spending fucking years alongside Kratos helping him rebuild society.

Like it’s so obvious that she forgave Kratos, esp when compared to Odin who she admitted to relishing in the reality of watching him lose everything in the end.

And we also see her defend and protect Kratos against Gna after ragnarok.

Like, yes, they’re friends, but this can evolve into something else considering their histories with each other, how deeply they care for one another, and even though lose informs their behaviors, they’re no longer defined by it. Both see paths as to having futures after their losses and despite how they were defined/perceived in the world. So we can’t fall back on him still needing to mourn Faye or Freya being unable to forgive him for Baldur.

This is all assuming that they get together right away rather than over time. I don’t think those feelings would be obvious, but would make sense once they realized that something has changed for both of them.

So it’s really strange how shippers are framed as ignoring context and backstories to push a ship when the narrative makes it clear that Freya has forgiven Kratos and will being spending a shit ton of time with him. She can’t forgive him for Baldur, but literally put the life of humanity in his hands, protects him, travels alongside and rebuilds society with him, compliments him, reveals her deepest secrets to him, served as support about him wife and son (even the first set of wife and child), yet the idea that she could never move past him killing her son is the crux of the argument as to why Freya would never get would Kratos?

Although some arguments can be made, imo, there’s more evidence that that’s just not the case.

And Kratos moving on isn’t impossible since he has done so before. He needs someone who he trusts and that understands him and that he cared about…hmm…wonder who fits that criteria.

[angst-king]

Beware of Mr. Midoriya pt 2

(Here's part 2 guys, its pretty short but I hope you like it) Oh, that phone call with Kaachan was going to be interesting to say the least!

When Izuku got home, he waited till his kid ran off to their play room before texting Katsuki.

Izuku: Hey Kaachan, I’m home. You wont believe what happened!

Incoming video call from Kaachan

Izuku accepted the call and got comfortable on his bed.

“Hey nerd what the hell happened, how’s (Y/n)?” “(Y/n)’s okay now, I’m still mad” “Oh boy, what happened? Also the extra’s wanted to know what the hell happened for you to take off like that.” Izuku huffed when he saw the other pro heroes in the camera shot.

“So apparently a kid has been bullying (Y/n) for a while and every time (Y/n) would inform the teacher like I taught them to, the teacher wouldn’t do anything! And when i say bullying i don’t just mean some petty things. I mean taking their note book, hide it, ripe pages out, or other things. The teacher just said ‘handle it yourself!’” The more he explained the louder Midoriya was getting, waving his hands around with an annoyed look on his face.

“So what happened today?” Asked Ochako, thats when Midoriya’s mildly annoyed face turned to a look of rage.

“The kid went after my child again, my kid tried to get their book back only to be shoved, grabbed by the hair, and for their face to be smashed!” There was a collective gasp of shock and horror from the group, Katsuki told Deku to continue.

“So what happened next?”

“I got called to the office, and when i went in there the principal would not let me see (y/n). Refused to tell me what happened to them, if they were okay, and started victim-blaming them. Saying ‘they need to take accountability!’ Accountability my ass! I wasn’t going to sit there and listen to that BS, so i walked out only to find my precious lil angel curled up on the floor of the nurse's office bruised and bleeding and crying!”

Many ‘oh my god’s, ‘no fucking way!’ ‘Holy shit!’ and ‘oh hell no!’ were exclaimed from Katsuki’s side of the call. Katsuki’s face turned just as serious almost bordering upset. Katsuki was surprisingly very protective of kids even if they weren’t his. Not to mention he remembered how he treated Izuku, even though the green-haired pro hero forgave him, he still promised to better himself.

Hearing that someone was harassing Izuku’s kid set something off in him, though it was less rage and more hurt. He loved the lil one as if they were his own kid so it stung to hear this. Especially about the journal. He remembered destroying Deku’s journal.

“Oi nerd, I’ll buy the lil munchkin a new one.” Izuku paused for a moment to reply.

“I think (Y/n) would like that.” “good now go on, the hell did you do when you got there?”

“Well, I cleaned and bandaged (Y/n) up and then went off on that woman. I told her that accusing my child of something they didn’t do and victim-blaming them for self-defense is fucked up! That what happened was peer-on-peer abuse and neglect done by her faculty and abuse of power on her on end! And I told her to fix her goddamn policy or I’d bring her ass to fucking court!” Midoriya didn’t mean to be so loud with it but he found himself yelling again. Taking a deep breath he finished.

“She has until the end of the day to send an email to me that (Y/n) will not be punished, and what punishment the bully & teacher will receive. Then when my child goes back to school they should be expecting an apology from them all.”

Once again sighing he was met with looks of pure shock and mild fear. As if he’d switched to Deku he smiles at them and brushes his hair back.

“Sorry for yelling, you know I can’t stand when people do that stuff to children. I wasn’t too harsh was i?” How in the hell was he suddenly feeling apologetic!?

“Nerd! The hell are you apologizing for? You did what you had to do to protect the lil munchkin, that bitch is lucky you didn’t arrest her once you found (Y/N) on the floor.” “I forgot i could have her arrested to be honest” And he’s back to being a sweet ‘cinnamon roll’ Deku.

“Damn dude I would’ve been scared to be a bystander to that meeting” Commented Kaminari “Oh yeah I’d be too, sometimes i forget how scary you can be, especially when you’re angry!” “Mhm, that’s when Midoriya comes out! He’s all scary and serious.” “Oh come on guys I’m not that bad” Izuku pouted, Katsuki laughed a little at his statement.

“Nerd I’m pretty sure no one’s gonna mess with your child again after that!” “Good, they better not” Izuku said in his dark and serious voice.

[midnightsslut]

I guess we just have a different view on this which is fine but I just can’t believe a cheater can change. We saw this in Taylor’s music she has always had doubt about joe and questioned his actions. If a cheater if okay with flirting, that eventually turns into more and once it happens once you think it’s easy and can get away with it a second time cause “just one more time it’s not big deal” then it keeps going and you find new ways to accept it till you’re just okay with doing it. Taylor has shown it progressed the same way, she had doubts it was probably happening but wasn’t sure, then she knew it happened but forgave but then it just kept happening and all she could ever think about is him thinking of her. I’m not saying Taylor is a cheater or not, some music would indicate she has cheated multiple times in the past and to me if you’ve done it multiple times then you’re already at the stage of not caring to do it again. Sorry for going on this rant but as someone that found out I was getting cheated on a week before my wedding then later finding out it was going on for a full year after 8 years of being together I feel very strongly about cheating and know exactly how much it destroys your entire life. You can’t even look at yourself the same after because you know your not good enough for anyone to love or can have a life with anyone. It changed your view on everyone even people you’ve know forever because you realize no matter how much someone says they love you they will be the first to hurt you in the worst ways.

don’t apologize for ranting anon dw. I think this is an interesting conversation to have, because I’ve seen veryyyy closely what cheating can do to a person even though it hasn’t happened to me. also, I’m really sorry that happened to you. that’s absolutely horrible, and whoever did that shouldn’t be in your life.

I think you can move on from cheating in a relationship if it was a one-time thing and the person confessed immediately, for example. an affair is entirely different. people try to work through it, but honestly, most people i know can’t really do it. it’s doable if the foundation of your relationship is super strong, and you were going through a rough patch, but the hurt will always be there. you put the pieces back together, but you can’t get rid of the cracks.

as for whether someone will cheat on another person, it’s entirely dependent on the attitude they had right after they cheated the first time. if they were genuinely regretful and guilty, then they will care. if they were flippant, then yeah, it’s most likely going to become a pattern. the thing is, a lot of people aren’t super self-aware when it comes to their own behaviors. they might feel incredibly guilty in the moment, but if they’re put in a similar situation again, they’ll probably act the same way.

tl; dr: it’s complicated. cheaters can change, but it depends on a lot of factors. because yes, a lot of them don’t. don’t judge people immediately, but maybe keep the risks in mind lol. so basically there’s nuance. i say that word a lot lol.

[livlepretre]

pt 2

“A Jeremy-who-was-not flickers in her mind’s eye, the details of his lifeless face grown hazy over the years. She pushes the memory down, down…” even so far down their relationship, the memory still haunts her, she cannot fully move past that situation Rebekah put her in (but she can forgive klaus for actually murdering her aunt in front of her? like im kinda surprised it doesn’t cross her mind much anymore, but so much time has passed and so much has changed)

I was a bit confused by this bit “A new enticement, that tears at her heart far worse than any other of Rebekah’s previous offers, because she knows that she will ultimately turn this one down, too. To take her up on it would be to place Jeremy directly before Klaus’s wrath.”, I see it this way: she was talking about Rebekah’s offer to go a different path when Esther awakes, as in going separate ways with Klaus, which of course he wouldn’t like and consequently, kill Jeremy. She knows she will ultimately turn this proposal down too, like her rejection of vampirism, because she can’t possibly leave Klaus behind. I may not be understanding it correctly; if so, pls correct me.

“And besides. Her mother will never awaken. Things will never be different.” this is 100% foreshadowing lol

“Elena rubs her palms against the echo of the past, of a time when she had stood victorious over that glorious force of nature.” Elena reminiscing about her past with Klaus? Stood victorious when she daggered him or when she had his devotion and had an impact on his decisions??

Also I wish we could get a Stefan x Kol friendship, I feel like you kinda hinted it when Stefan walked in the opera box. It would make Klaus even more lonely and depressed than he is rn which I NEED.

“Since you were obviously digging, there’s the answer to the question you so desperately wished to ask me: here is the subject I have been most intrigued by since my rude awakening last summer” the subject is the doppelgänger and her blood’s abilities? Very interesting

Can’t wait for the next chapter cause I feel like so many things will make more sense I HATE BEING IN THE DARK. Splendid chapter, I adore it and how you wrote Kol it’s just perfect👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Well. I think that if Elena was asking Klaus to track down information on Jenna/maybe even come into some kind of contact, she would have trauma flashbacks/misgivings about that too. Like, the situation is bringing it back up. I don't think Elena really forgave either Klaus for murdering Jenna or Rebekah for her cruelties in the usual sense we mean it in... I think Elena hit a breaking point, sanity-wise, and also emotionally, and gave herself permission to accept the totality of her feelings, which included falling in love with monsters. And it was sort of like-- okay. I will accept that this happened. I will accept that I still committed the very grave sin of falling in love with you, and I will stop punishing myself for what you did. But you mustn't do it again.

And-- I recognize that the past few updates have taken me years to roll out, but she does still think of Jenna-- she brought it up directly with Klaus as recently as chapter 63! (Even though Jenna was not mentioned by name, that is who she was talking about when she told him she had "forgiven worse.")

I interpret that little flash at any rate as Elena having this moment of clarity when she remembers Rebekah is a monster, and actually sees her that way, but she suppresses it because she's not able to deal with it.

Yes, your interpretation of the enticement bit is correct-- Rebekah is saying, here, choose me, go with me when my mother wakes up, and leave Klaus behind, and I can offer you a better future-- one that includes your brother in it (and also, of course, you as a vampire!). And Elena is tempted, because this is actually the thing that would really tempt her, but she can never turn it down because 1) she won't leave Klaus, for various fucked up reasons she cannot articulate to herself but which actually come down to the fact that she is loyal to him in her heart and, like him, thinks her fate is tied to his; 2) she takes Klaus's threat to kill her loved ones if she bails seriously, and she won't take that risk, when that has been the entire point of her sticking around all this time; and 3) she knows that Esther will never wake up because, per Klaus's confession to her, she is actually dead, and she knows Klaus is lying to the rest of them about being able to wake her up (just like on the show, right? ;-D )

probably a little of both, but mostly reminiscing about that time she murdered him/conquered him

there will be some Stefan x Kol friendship this next chapter, but I wouldn't call that a good thing!

maybe especially not for Klaus?

and yes, Kol is VERY interested in Elena's latent supernatural abilities, and how that power can be turned toward certain uses...

[wordsbyt]

This post is for me. I needed to write it…..

Real men don’t cry?

Maybe, but I did.

You know, you want to blame a lot of things that happened in your life, on things you can’t control. You feel like a victim, and you are chained to a scenario.

While I understand this, and at the same time know you can change things if you want to, some people do feel trapped. They feel safe and secure in a bad situation, even if it is a bad situation. They accept their fate instead of change it.

That was me.

30 plus years I worked for a person who had his own demons. Who was never happy. Who seemed to make it his passion to make others unhappy. Until finally, I had enough.

I left.

And my world got brighter. My burdens lifted. I realized you do not owe anger to the day, every day. My life got so much easier.

Then he died.

But I never forgave him.

I never let go of him.

I carried a crutch of hate, that I could not walk without.

Until, the other night.

I had a dream that I was back at that shop. He was there, but clean. If you knew him, you knew he was unkept, but in my dream, cleaned up and solid white hair. And he spoke to me. Told me things were slow, and he didn’t have enough for me. He seemed sad to have to tell me this. But I told him I had another job, and I will be ok. I felt sadness from him, and that maybe he loved me. I felt relief. I looked around and asked another person to take care of my plants that were there in my dream.

We shook hands, and I left.

But this time, on positive terms. Because when I walked out before, there was no closure. I never reconciled, never tried. But in my dream, I felt relieved. I made peace.

Maybe he came back to tell me he also had finally found peace.

I hope so.

I hope I have too, because my heart had a dark place that those memories took me to.

When I tried to retell my dream, I broke down each time. I cried because I had 30 plus years of tears locked up in a place I thought I could not open. My dream was the key.

My days of hating this person are over. My burden left when I woke.

So, real men do cry.

Takes a minute, or a few decades, but it cleans the soul.

[valkyrie-night-103]

Would love to hear more about something clever about wine, clementines, and the end of the world as we know it

I’m sorry this took so long!! I had to write most of this up, as it was largely abstract in my head. Yet again, I have more to say on this AU, so if you’re interested about what happened next, don’t be afraid to send an ask!

Directly follows on from the last instalment! I’ll tag it #wine and clementines so it’s easy to find. This probably won’t make much sense without context.

Same content warnings as the first part of this au applies.

While his guest clears his plate, Chuck opens a bottle of wine from the cellar. It’s good shit, it’s not like he has people over very often.

When he pours a glass for Orange and passes it over, a toothy grin is sent his way as he accepts it. Chuck can’t help his smile in return. He looks at the floor, can feel the heat in his face. From the wine, of course.

“You’ve got a good setup here.” Orange remarks. “Damn impressive for one guy.”

“Yeah.” He says, not giving anything away.

“Got a story?”

“Have you?” Chuck retorts, curt and sharp. Orange seems to mull that over, shrugging slightly as if to say that’s a fair enough question. Chuck is feeding him, so he supposes he owes him a story.

“I thought I’d gotten through the worst of it after the outbreak. I got into the QZ, got an apartment. It was okay for a while, but then someone got into the city, infected. It spread, mass hysteria ensued, the works. Then word got out amongst the Fireflies- rebels, essentially- that they were going to nuke the city to contain it.”

“Fuck.” Chuck sighed. He’d heard tales on the radio, back when Trent was still around to help him work it. They’d had people come through bearing stories of total devastation, so hungry that they would gladly trade guns, drugs, and alcohol for a meagre amount of food that would barely last 2 days. Even so, Trent had kept them outside of the fence. Desperate people do desperate things.

“I knew this girl, Kris, she was a firefly. We were close, I let her little brother crash on my couch when he was in hiding. I wasn’t considered suspicious, so he was safe with me. They took me with them.”

He doesn’t actually ask what happened, but his expression probably says it for him.

“We made it out before things went kaboom. We were probably about 10 miles away. We still felt it, the ground shook and everything. Must have stirred something, ‘cause we’re running for our lives from a clicker and then there’s five of them. Kris fell, and I begged her not to give up, to get back up, but it was too late. Yuta never forgave me, and when we got jumped by raiders a while later, he joined up with them and left me alone.”

“Shit.” He sighs. He doesn’t know what else to say.

“Yeah. It is pretty shit.” Orange agrees. “So, now I’ve given you mine, you got a story?”

“Is the food not good enough?” He asks, smile wry. “I gotta talk to you too?”

“Not if you don’t wanna.” Orange replies. He’s smiling again, and it makes Chuck feel a little better.

“If you must know, my best friend was a paranoid nutcase. When everyone left for the QZs, he stayed put and I couldn’t just leave him behind, so I stayed. We built reinforced fences, set up vegetable gardens. He set up traps, and would check them. Blew himself up a year after the outbreak.”

“You’ve been on your own for two years?” Orange asks, putting down his cutlery.

“Yeah.” He says, swallowing thickly. He’s never actually stopped to think about how long he’s been alone. “Yeah, basically.”

“How have you not gone crazy?”

“Maybe I have, and I’m just waiting for you to get comfortable. Maybe I put something in the food or the wine, and I’m waiting for it to set in.” Orange looks at the dregs left in the wine glass, the gravy remaining on the plate, looking genuinely concerned. He’s trying to be subtle, but he’s not great at it.

Chuck holds the beat for a few moments, waiting for the tension to climb high enough, before cracking a smile. “Or maybe I’m just a loner with a sick sense of humour who likes seeing people squirm.”

“You ass! You can’t fuck with people like that!” Orange says as he laughs, long and loud with a slight honking quality, like an amused goose. The mental image of a goose in a denim jacket and mirrored sunglasses is so funny to him that he joins Orange in his laughter. It’s both at him and with him, and he knows Orange can see as much.

“You should have seen your face-“ he manages through his laughter.

“Seriously! You can’t do that, man!” Orange repeats, still indignant but not quite pissed off, and for some reason it just cracks him up.

“Well, I just did, so-“

“You are so annoying.” Orange says. The words are mean but his tone is warm, like he’s known Chuck for years. It makes him miss Trent, a tugging in his chest. He holds his breath until it goes away.

“I don’t mean to push my luck, but could I borrow some clothes?”

“Sure, I’ll put some out for you. I’ve got running water, so you can take a shower if you want.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Holy shit. Thank you.” He says, and gives another genuine smile that makes Chuck feel like he’s got some snow down the back of his neck, startled and shivery.

“Eh.” He waves a hand dismissively, before rising to his feet and taking the plates and glasses into the kitchen. He can’t be in the room for another moment because he knows that if he does, he’ll tell Orange how he really feels.

Chuck wants him to stay.

[aquaquadrant]

Oooo following with the other post about session 6 life series resulting in tension between Bdubs and Tango they were also in season 8 at the time owning pass n gas together!!! I just see them getting back to hermitcraft and Bdubs going over the top to make things up to tango. He had the mindset it's just a game and didn't realize how badly it would hurt tango. Bdubs keeps giving tango gifts and trying to build redstone things for Tango to help out. Makes the angst of Tango on the Moon and Bdubs back on earth extra sweet. Maybe that's when Tango finally forgave him

“i’m sorry for killing you in last life.”

tango pauses at bdubs’ unexpected words. he won’t look bdubs in the eye- he hasn’t been able to since they got back from their last session, and bdubs thinks he knows why.

voices chanting in his ear, screaming for blood. fire coursing through his veins with every frantic beat of his heart. the way he can almost smell the extra lives on tango, the maddening urge to kill so strong he’s shaking from it. his eyes burn from how intensely he’s watching tango as he creeps up behind him, fingers tightening around his sword, and the next thing he knows his sword is in tango’s back-

“that’s another world,” tango says finally, his voice wooden. “i don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“okay, okay,” bdubs replies automatically, before his brain catches up to him and informs him of tango’s tone. “uh- wait, really?”

“what?” tango’s shoulders hunch up defensively.

“you mean it?” bdubs asks, brows creasing together. “cause um, you… you got real mad, about that, and i uh-”

“yeah, it’s fine,” tango says, in the voice of someone who is absolutely not fine.

bdubs winces. “tango-”

“it’s just part of the game, right?” tango turns to face bdubs, and it’s suddenly very obvious that he’s pretending. “it happened, i lost my cool, no need to be sorry.”

“well, i am. sorry, i mean.” bdubs swallows. “i’m sorry it was you.”

tango exhales sharply in what might be a laugh. “makes it sound like you had a choice.”

tango never had the curse, but he did spend a lot of time as a red, and they both know it’s not that different.

“yeah,” bdubs agrees, rubbing the back of his neck. “yeah, i uh, i’m sorry for how i acted after, then. i didn’t know- i mean, i thought you were just playing it up, you know? i didn’t know.”

tango stiffens. “didn’t know what?”

bdubs hesitates. didn’t know a betrayal like that would cut tango so deeply. didn’t know what it looked like when tango went into a blind rage. didn’t know it would feel so personal.

tango seems to read his silence. “bdubs,” he sighs, “we’re friends, right?”

bdubs blinks. “wh- yes, yes of course!” he insists, his heart jolting.

“then please, don’t bring it up again,” tango says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “okay?”

bdubs hears the waver in his voice, and recognizes the request for what it is. it’s not forgiveness- that’d mean confronting and accepting what actually happened, beyond the surface level betrayal, and tango can’t.

“okay,” bdubs relents.

~*~

“is this thing on? tango! hey!”

a familiar face appears on the screen, the image fuzzy and distorted by static.

“this is- the world’s gone crazy, there’s stuff floatin’ and flyin’ all over the place-”

his frantic words cut in and out.

“the moon’s humongous, it’s coming-”

those big eyes are full of fear.

“i think it’s gonna blast us all to kingdom come- my perfect builds, your builds, they’re all getting-”

the moon looms in the background, impossibly big and bright.

“keralis’ place, it’s- mobs everywhere- here we go! i float! i fly now!”

their home is being torn to pieces.

“my only suggestion is that you stay up- stay on the moon- don’t come- this place is falling to shambles-”

bdubs is alone at the end of the world.

“tango listen, i’m- for everything, i’m so s-”

the transmission goes out.

tango stares at the black screen. “message received, buddy,” he whispers, a couple tears streaking down his face as he narrows his eyes in renewed determination. “i forgive you. and i’ll tell you that myself, after i save you.”

~*~

tango drifts aimlessly through the void of space. with the last breath of oxygen remaining in his cracked helmet, unshed tears frozen on his lashes, he says, “i’m sorry, too.”

[writingsfromhome]

Chapters III

A/N: Okayy long awaited part 3! We’re inching closer to more action. This part feels like roasting a marshmallow over a fire. Before it sets on fire or even gets toasted.

Part 4 should be coming in the next week or so--let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. Thanks for reading as always loves. xx

Part: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 /

--------------------------------------------

 But I didn’t stand in front of you and make you feel small and unloved.

Y/N’s words tumble in my head, as I set an appointment with Ruth who openly stares at me, and while I walk to the studio. I can’t stop as my team discusses one of my singles, and while we go to our usual pub to wind down.

“Is everything alright?” My manager notices as we order a second round of drinks.

“Just got a lot on my mind,” I say noncommittally. But Jeff wasn’t Finn, he claps one hand on my shoulder and lets me know he was around if I wanted to talk in private. I thank him and continue staring at the bottom of my cup.

“Anything interesting?” a voice asks from beside me, I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Jeff left from my side.

“Hm?” I ask the beautiful woman who takes the seat beside me. Some of my friends glance at her but go back to their conversation, this usually happened when we went out. “Sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.”

“I was joking,” she smiles, her teeth white against the black lipstick she wears. “You were just looking into your pint like it was the most interesting thing in the room.”

“Just,” I motion to my head. “Got a lot going on up here. I’m Harry.”

“I’m Alina,” she says with another smile that showcases her dimples and round cheeks. I really look at her, she was a lot more interesting than my pint. “I’m here to save you from whatever misery’s got you down.”

“I don’t think anyone can save me from that,” I chuckle. Except Y/N maybe, but she’s said it herself--she moved on. All I can hope for now was she forgave me, and maybe invited me back into her life as a friend. But it was going to take time, and luckily I had until my birthday. “But it’s honorable of you.”

“I’m not really known to be honorable,” she says as she slides her foot up my leg. She smirks at my startled reaction, not expecting her boldness. But pretty soon, I’ve left my interesting pint behind and we’ve moved towards the bar for a fresh round. But we don’t stick around talking for long, she invites me back to her flat and I give myself to the night...some things weren’t solved in a day and I may as well enjoy myself before things got harder.

***

Y/N’s POV:

I accidentally bite down on the skin of my nails, already having bitten off any nail that existed. This is the shite I didn’t need, I think as Jules waves at me while he walks up his school steps. His head of curls disappears beyond the double doors and then I’m walking towards the tube station to get to work.

Any moment my mind isn’t occupied with Julien or work, I’m going over the conversation with Harry. Was I too harsh with him? Should I accept his apology just so we can move on. It was an irrefutable fact that Harry was the father of my child, and he would have to know this piece of information one day. Maybe I had to face this head on, and carefully apply a bandaid so he can stop finding clever ways to talk about us. Especially if I really was planning this birthday/listening party.

“Excuse me,” someone shoves past me and I realize I’d lingered at the turnpike. It was still early--on the days I dropped Jules off to school I got into the office early. Harry’s flat was a few stops away from where I usually got off...I consider if I should put my big girl panties on and get it over with. I already adjusted his meeting, I’d have to talk to him this week anyway.

I decide to stay on the train past my stop, and my head feels like I’d had too much champagne as I walk in the direction I knew Harry’s flat to be. When I get there and knock, I sigh in relief when he doesn’t answer. He could be sleeping, or already in the studio. I take a big breath out again, sending out a thanks to the universe or whatever. I wouldn’t have to do this today.

I walk back towards the lifts, and the doors open in slow motion. A rumpled Harry steps off; he has on the same shirt he wore to see me yesterday and an obvious bedhead. The walk of shame, or it wasn’t one until he sees me and his face flushes.

“Y/N? What--are you here to see me?” he clears his throat. “Sorry I didn’t realize you-”

“It’s fine-” I put my hand up when he takes a step towards me. “I’m fine, I was just going--I’ve got to get back to work.”

“Wait, why did you....fuck,” he whispers to himself but it’s so quiet around us, I hear it too. I smash the button for the lift but it’s long gone and doesn’t come back down. “Why are you here? Is everything okay? Is it Julien?”

My head whips at my son’s name, but I relax when I realize he was just going through the list of reasons I would show up.

“Everything’s okay,” I try to control my voice. “I just came to talk, about yesterday. I didn’t realize you would be...” I gesture to his outfit and his shame deepens.

“You came all this way can you just--”

“I should really get back to work,” I repeat again. I felt the sting of tears, I was stupid to come here and think Harry and I could casually put a bandaid over us. I also wasn’t sure why seeing him coming home from his night like this felt like my shame.

“Y/N,” he says softly. He takes the hand that’s basically destroyed the lift button and pulls it away. It forces me to look up at him. my jaw hurts from clenching it so I don’t cry. “We can talk.”

“I can’t stay,” I shake my head. “I just wanted to apologize for being so harsh yesterday. And I’m okay doing your event, I bumped your appointment up to this week so we can get started on it since we got distracted yesterday.” The lift finally opens. My safe haven. I look down at his hand on mine--I’d forgotten how unusually smooth his hands were; graceful and strong like he was always meant to be a musician. “I do have to get in now.”

“Okay,” he lets go of my hand and we don’t say a word as I get in and turn back. We make eye contact as the doors slide shut and as soon as they do, I slump against the railing. Barely catching my breath, I look at my reflection. I looked sucker-punched. I regret coming here today.

Harry’s POV:

I regret going last night.

It was fun, but I regret everything that followed. How could Y/N take me seriously if this is how she finds me when she is ready for a serious talk.

I slam my front door shut, at least I was going to see her sooner. And speaking of, I should probably let my manager know what I was planning for February. I groan, today was going to be a long day. But surprisingly by the time I have the conversation that afternoon, it isn’t as disastrous as Y/N and I this morning:

“Why...did you agree to that?” Jeff asks me when I spill the beans. “That sounds out of budget.”

“No it doesn’t have to be,” I try to backtrack. “Y/N, the person I hired to organize this is amazing. If I give her a budget she’ll stick to it so we don’t have to spend a lot and--”

“Y/N?” he raises an eyebrow. “Like Y/N—the Y/N you’re brooding about all the time?”

“Yeah, she does events.”

“Harry what are you getting yourself into? Are you trying to impress her or...?”

“No,” maybe. “I’m just trying to kill two birds with one stone—just say yes? I’ll fund whatever is over your budget?”

He drags his hand down his face and then nods. “Don’t make me regret this.”

“You won’t,” I kiss his cheek. That was a lot easier than I thought.

***

The days blur by as they do when I’m finishing an album. By the time Thursday rolls around, I’m buzzing to see Y/N again. She occupies so much of my thoughts these days, mostly for all the time I missed. I was still processing the fact that she had a three-year-old son, her life must be so different from what we had. She had a son.

I’d admit it to nobody, but I got angry drunk last night over the constant thoughts. Angry at myself, and as fucked up as it is, for whoever Y/N had her kid with. He had the life with her I wanted, even if he wasn’t in the picture. Y/N would have a piece of him forever. It was jealousy and possessive and unhealthy, and I paid for it this morning when I could barely see the stream of sunlight through my bedroom window without wanting to hurl.

“You’re early,” Y/N says sarcastically when I arrive 20 minutes late to our meeting. There’s one other person here that she introduces me to and who I forget the name of because the painkillers have yet to work their magic and my head is killing me.

“Rough night sorry,” my voice sounds like coarse sandpaper. “Sorry to make you ladies wait.”

“Let’s just get started,” she says with a tight-lip smile, she was annoyed with me. Damn, I should have gotten her a coffee before I got here. “Last time we talked we said we would go with a 70s theme and it’ll be medium sized?”

“I’ve put together somewhat of a list,” I pull up my notes app. “It’s just under 50, I’m emailing it to you along with my manager’s details in case you need him for something.”

“That’s helpful, can you CC Em?”

“Em?”

“Em,” she gestures to the blonde beside her and I try to play it off.

Em snorts but Y/N doesn’t look impressed. She asks Em to give us a moment and as soon as the door closes behind her, Y/N’s anger is pointed directly at me. “Is this a joke to you?”

“No of course not! I was lightening the mood. I’m serious about this.”

“Because I’m not here to be taken as a joke,” Y/N crosses her arms. I remember she would do that when she was upset with me. I would always unwind them and wrap them behind my neck, and just being between her scrunched face and the anger, her fists would open her up enough for a smile. My heart pangs when I realize it wasn’t easy like that anymore. We were building from ground zero. “You come in 20 minutes late, obviously distracted and can’t even be arsed to remember Emily’s name!”

“I’m sorry, really!” I try again. “I had a tough night, I’m sorry.”

“Tough night? You drink too much?”

“Maybe, but I wasn’t having a fun time.”

“Poor Harry Styles, try putting a moody toddler to bed for a half hour, and then cleaning up his sick because he’s got the flu.”

“Julien’s sick?” I lean forward. “What are you doing here then?”

“He’s fine, he’s with my mum.” She sighs. “He ate something that didn’t sit right with him but he’s okay, just had a small fever this morning. I can’t call in sick just because he is unfortunately.”

“The meeting was just me,” I feel more worried than she sounds. “You could have cancelled and stayed home.”

“I couldn’t,” Y/N cuts me off. “I’m serious I can’t stay home every time my kid is sick--I’d love to but that’s not how it works! I have a job, and more clients than just you. I call him when I can, and I’ll see him in a few hours.”

“I’m sorry,” I feel the need to apologize again. And then again for good measure, “And I’m sorry for the other morning-”

“Why are you apologizing, it’s your life Harry.” she types something on her laptop.

“I was hoping to have that conversation, and then I show up like that...”

“We’re talking now,” she continues typing. “And we can always talk another time.”

“Can we?” I ask, my tone catches her attention. Her face softens, she looks away and when she looks back at me her brows are pinched. I wasn’t sure what was going through her mind, she was making it hard to read her. There used to be a time when she was as easy to read as a picture book. “Tomorrow, can I pick you up for dinner? We can just talk I-I need to talk to you. Don’t you think we should...talk?” Way to use your language Harry.

“Okay,” she chokes out. “I’ll meet you tomorrow. I’m calling Em back in.”

And so she does, we discuss the event and although Y/N isn’t curt like she was, it almost feels like she avoids looking at me directly. I sit on my hands at one point, with her hand right beside mine I want to hold it and I don’t trust myself. I wonder if we’ll ever get to neutral ground with each other or if my adolescent decisions fucked me over forever.

Y/N’s POV:

“He’s fine Y/N,” my mum pushes me away from Julien. He’s cuddled with his stuffed bear on my mum’s couch watching his cartoons. “If you don’t leave now you’ll never make it on time for your work dinner.”

So I didn’t exactly lie to my mum, I just didn’t want her to know I was meeting the father of my child because--well, she would either get angry about letting him back in my life, or go the other way and ask when we’re becoming one big family again. I was giving her a white lie, and leaving Julien with her who wasn’t as sick as yesterday but still very lethargic and achy.

I crouch down to Jules’ level, he shifts forward so his forehead touch mine. “You smell,” he mumbles to me, leaning in to where I’d spritzed some perfume on my neck.

“I do, don’t I?” I kiss his nose. “If you need anything you tell gran to call me okay? I’ll be home right away.”

“I’m not even sick anymore,” he says while his eyes track the characters on TV. “I’m just sleepy.”

“Okay,” I stroke his head of soft curls. “Don’t stay up too late. I love you.”

“He won’t,” my mom says. I make sure she knows to call me before I head out to meet Harry at a restaurant he picked. It wasn’t somewhere I’d been before, and to be honest with Julien being so sick last night I didn’t have much time to think about what I agreed to. Only on the tube ride there does it hit me.

I’ll hear him out, I figure. I wasn’t going to tell him about Julien, not yet. A plan was shaping in my head--I would help him with his party, finish with him and then tell him when everything settled. It would be a courtesy, I would make it clear Julien was mine and if he wanted a relationship with him he would have to arrange that with me. But today, I would hear him out and smile politely because sometimes, thinking about how Harry and I ended still hurts like it happened yesterday but I couldn’t let him know.

I spot the back of Harry’s head outside the restaurant. When he spots me, he lights up and his smile is a thousand watts directed at me. There was a time when I would have killed to see that smile directed at me, he looked good--it hurt.

I nearly stumble and smile back as brightly but I reign it in. Instead I wave, and rush to get beside him. There was a certain magnetism with Harry and I that I couldn’t deny, it’s how we got on so well before. But it felt like our past, this secret I held changed my magnetic field so with him, I could only ricochet.

“Hey,” I say out of breath. “Did you just get here.”

“Parking was a nightmare,” he gestures vaguely down the road. “So I just walked up.”

Harry could barely pay for his share of rent when we were together, and here he was driving around London to fancy restaurants. Life had been good to him, which I was happy for, but it hurt he’d walked all over me to get there. I glance up at him as we walk in, he’s smiling jovially with the hostess and I secretly wonder if this was all a mask he wore. If the person he really was, was the one I got to know before we broke up.

“You look amazing by the way,” Harry says after we shed our jackets. I’d worn a flattering sage sweater dress that made up for its modest high neck and long sleeves by hitting me mid-thigh. There was a reason I had worn my trench coat on the ride here, it was short. “I’m really glad you agreed to this.”

I nod, the wave of realization that I would have to look him in the face for the next hour and talk to him like he hadn’t broken my heart and I wasn’t hiding such a life-changing secret from him. “Thanks yeah, i thought it was the adult thing to do. Since we’ll be working together.”

“To working together,” Harry clinks his water against mine. I give a tight-lipped smile and busy myself with the menu. But after we order, with nothing between us and my hands unoccupied I have to look at him. He’s watching me, which makes for an intense stare-off as we catch each other’s eye. I forgot how easy it was to be in Harry’s presence, how before it got bad, it was good. He would make me feel less anxious any time he was around. He used to be the safety of home to me.

“So,” I break the awkward silence. “Catch me up with you.”

“You know me, my life is online. How about you?”

‘You first,” my heart goes thumpthump thumpthump. “Successful EP and upcoming album...?”

“Yeah,” he’s luckily saved by the arrival of our wine. We sit in silence as our glasses are filled. I wondered if the waiter could feel the tension. “I had to really fight for even a single, my management was really awful back then--”

“Finn,” I can’t help the name coming out of my mouth like I’d taken a swig of sour milk. “I remember.”

“Yeah, him.” He looks down at his wine. “By the time I had to renew contracts, I’d taken over most of his role anyway. It was crazy at certain meetings, I was the only person in there that had my own back. But I managed to win in the end, got the EP out. Had a lot to write about…y’know.”

There he goes looking at me with those eyes again, now it’s my turn to look down into my wine and try not to think thoughts like, you didn’t even know I had your back during those times.

“I was kind of surprised when you said you never listened to the album.”

“That’s a bit arrogant.”

“Never said I wasn’t,” he flashes a smile that falls flat when I don’t return it. “I just uhm, did you never look me up? I looked you up sometimes, you did such a good job at disappearing I could barely find anything about you. It felt like...a punishment.”

“I didn’t ‘disappear’ to punish you,” I make myself clear. “I just. I had to.”

“You moved from our flat, did you get any of the voicemails or the emails I sent you?”

“I moved a few weeks after,” a few weeks where he never came back for me. Every time there was a knock at my door that was unexpected, I half-thought it would be Harry. That he would apologize and I might take him back, that I would tell him I was pregnant. That we could make our way back. But it never was.

“The voicemails?”

“I didn’t get them.”

“That’s probably good,” Harry flashes a dimpled smile. “I was very drunk in some of them. Probably crying...it wasn’t my shining moment. I-well I don’t think I had any shining moments in our last year. I was pretty shite boyfriend but I still hoped sometimes that maybe one day you’d call me and tell me you’re sorry too and we could figure it out...”

We go quiet as our food is brought to us. I watch Harry interact with the waiter, and think about what he’s said. He had regrets, that’s all I’m hearing. And with the way he treated me I didn’t exactly feel bad for him.

“I can’t get over the fact that you had a kid,” Harry continues on. “I never thought...”

“I would have a kid?” I ask when he trails off.

“No, we talked about kids a lot. Back when we were together. I knew you wanted them but that’s how I always pictured it—us having kids. Together. So yeah, I think it just shocked the hell out of me when I saw this cute kid and he was yours. And he wasn’t mine.”

Fuck, I stab my plate and try not to let my panic show. Did he know? He had to know, he was being so bloody obvious. But his expression is sincere, he doesn’t look like he’s testing me or anything. God, how can he be saying things like this not realizing the irony. I want to die.

“I was just as surprised when I found out I was pregnant,” I try to stick to easy details. “But, getting the chance to be a mother is something I never knew I wanted. Wouldn’t change it for a thing.”

We catch eyes again, and there it is, the fondness blooming in my chest. I see it in his eyes too as he says softly, “I always knew you would be a phenomenal mother.” The regret is all over his face.

I drop my fork and gulp some more wine. trying to wash away the warmth in my chest as he goes on. “I want to explain myself--how I treated you like I did but there’s no explanation for it. Really it was Niall that made me realize what a dick I was becoming. I lived with him for a bit, wrote a lot of my songs on his living room couch. Came to a lot of realizations.”

“Niall’s always been a good friend,” I missed him.

“He missed you just as much,” he says. “I’m ashamed to say I don’t know who I became then Y/N. I put you through every bad thing that happened to me, I wasn’t supportive or appreciative. I see that now—I saw it after we broke up, that’s why I tried so hard to reach you.”

“It was too late Harry.” I lie. “There was too much baggage with us. You—you said some unforgivable things, it would have been hard.“

“I know,” he looks down. “I never stopped loving you Y/N.”

I freeze, “I—that’s not...I don’t want to hear that Harry.”

“I just need to let you know,” he says simply but I’m already pushing my meal away. “I just want you to know that. Y/N, half my album is about you, I just need you to hear that, wish you had listened to it. I’m sorry and no matter what I still love-“

“Stop!” I say a bit too loudly, panicked because this felt like a farce. One day soon he would hate me again and I couldn’t handle confronting the crushing realization.

“Okay I’m sorry,” Harry holds his hand up. I can’t hear him say those words without wanting to cry in frustration and be sick from the guilt. “I have to go.” I get my coat off the back of the chair and begin walking out, it was rude but I couldn’t stand to be in there any longer. I hit the cold air of the streets. What was I thinking having dinner and not expecting it to end in disaster.

“Y/N!” A distant voice calls me. It’s Harry’s, but I keep walking. He’s out of breath by the time he reaches me. “I pushed too far, listen, Y/N!” He steps in front of me and blocks my path, holding onto my arms. I jerk away but he steps in sync with me when I step to the side. He puts his hands out, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just--”

“I’m not uncomfortable, I’m just trying to go home.” I try to side-step him again but he’s in my way. “Harry!” I push him and make enough room to slip past, but his long legs keep up with mine.

“Please don’t let tonight end like this,” Harry says beside me.

“Like what? I’m going home. We had our discussion. You apologized and that’s that!” I finally stop at a street corner near a row of bushes.

“I apologized but you never said you were okay,” Harry’s cheeks are a bright pink. This is all too familiar, this back-and-forth before Harry explodes and runs away from the argument. “I don’t know where we stand I—that’s why we agreed to dinner. For closure right?”

“If you’re expecting forgiveness, I can’t just give that to you. I can’t just forgive you!”

“I’ve changed,” he bends slightly to meet my gaze. It surprises me when his tone softens, when he doesn’t raise his voice back at me. “I promise I’m not that version of me anymore.”

“I can’t trust that!” I want to believe him, god I wanted to believe it but instead I shout too loud again, catching a few stares. I lower my voice. “I can’t trust you, I don’t know who you are. I thought I did once upon a time but you...you became such a cold and selfish guy that I slaved over and—and admit it you didn’t even love me by the end of it. The things you said...you don’t say those things to someone you love.”

“You don’t,” he agrees right away. “I didn’t even know who I was. I know who I am now. You have to trust me.”

“Well you have to earn trust,” I say. And I don’t realize it until I say it but it was true, that’s always what kept me from contacting him about Julien. I didn’t trust that he could love him the way I do, I couldn’t trust he wouldn’t come into our lives and try to take him from me too and break my heart all over again. I needed to know Harry really was changed before I could let him into Julien’s life as his father.

“I intend on doing that. I want you back in my life whatever way you want.” He slips his hand into mine but I can’t stand his touch and I have to pull away. It hurts him, I can tell, but all the memories of feeling unloveable while his cold eyes watched me as he said even colder words hit me again and I can’t see the man in front of me. Just the man that I knew last. So his hurt is the last of my concern, because even after having a child and going through multiple sessions of therapy I can’t forget standing on the other side of his venomous words.

“Be careful what you wish for,” I say bitterly. After I tell him about Julien we would be in each other’s lives forever. But before he can ask what I mean my phone vibrates and brings me out of my thoughts. Mum, my breath catches.

“Mum? What’s happened?? Is Julien okay?”

“Y/N, calm down.” My mum says in her calm voice when I get too panicked. “Julien is fine, he’s asleep now but he was all sick again--”

“I’m coming right now,” I say. Harry touches my back and points in the direction of his car, knowing it was my fastest way home I follow him. “How much was he throwing up?”

“Not much, Y/N honestly I knew I shouldn’t have called. Stay where you are, I’m just calling you now because I asked Shaza down the hall and she came to look at him--she’s studying to be a podiatrist so she know-”

“A pediatrician?” I ask, keeping my eyes on the back of Harry’s black coat. “Does she actually know what she’s talking about?”

“Yes—I hear traffic Y/N you best not be coming home. He threw up once, his fever broke I think whatever bug he’s caught is gone now. I just wanted to call you to check in.”

“I’m done dinner anyway, I’m coming home.”

“That was quick.”

We’d reached Harry’s car. “Yeah well, not much to discuss. I’ll see you in a bit. Bye mum.”

“What’s happening?” Harry asks as he gets into the car but I stay on the sidewalk.

“I can take the train,” I let out a deep breath. “Jules was sick again but his fever broke, false alarm.”

“I know you want to get to him as soon as possible,” Harry turns the ignition. “Just get in Y/N.”

I go around and do just that, and most of the ride is spent in silence as I text my mum and he focuses on driving. I don’t even realize we’ve reached my mum’s, or that I never gave him the address but he drove here all on his own. The warmth of fondness spread through my chest again, but I stifle it with the ever-present anger.

“Thank you,” I say sincerely. “I would invite you up...”

“Your mum might kill me,” Harry chuckles. I bite down on my lip. “Wait, does she know you’re out with me?”

“No? I wasn’t sure how she would react--”

“A lot of cursing, I wouldn’t blame her.” Harry says, giving me a way out. He thinks I’m being polite but it was complicated. My mum hated what he did to me, but the fact that Jules is growing up without a father hurts her too so if he was in his life she would be happy for him at least. “Are you staying at your mum’s? I can give you a lift home if you needed?”

“No,” I get out of the car and walk to his side. “I’ve had you drive around town enough. I’ll just call an Uber.”

“I’m staying here until you come back down,” Harry turns his keys and the car turns off with a blink.

I roll my eyes, I couldn’t argue with him when he made up his mind like this. I talk in hushed whispers when I go up and wrap a half-asleep Julien in his coat. I hold him tight to me, his limbs felt longer than the last time I’d picked him up and it always felt like I was catching up to him these days. Before I knew it, he’d be taller than me. I wondered then, on the lift down, if he would get his height from Harry.

Harry is sat in the car with his arms crossed and looking thoughtfully out the window. I wonder what he’s thinking about.

He jerks up when he sees me and starts the car, and I slide into his backseat with Julien in my lap.

“I thought you’d be up there longer,” Harry whispers as he pulls out of his spot. We hit a red light immediately and he meets my eye in the rearview mirror. “Is he okay?”

“Sleeping,” I rest my nose on his mess of hair and inhale the baby smell I loved. “He’s okay, his fever’s gone.”

“That’s good.” a smile in the rearview before the green lights cut through the night. We ride home in silence, a quietness that almost feels normal. I direct Harry where to go—I was only fifteen minutes from my mum, and when he parks down the street from my flat he rushes out and gets my door for me. He takes Julien from me as I grab his go-bag.

Julien stirs on Harry’s shoulder--on his dad’s shoulder. The thought feels dizzying. Harry is so careful with him as we go inside. My lobby is nothing like his, it’s not even a lobby, just a long corridor with the lifts on the right. Harry lets me lead the way, and before I can even think about what’s happening, Harry’s stepping into my dingy flat.

“Don’t mind the mess,” I say, completely embarrassed as he walks through the living room. A basket of laundry that needs to be folded sits beside the coffee table that has Julien’s sippy cup and two mugs of stale coffee. One side of the sofa is littered with lego and books. “I haven’t had much time to clean...”

“It’s a home,” he says, his voice cracks as he says it.

“I’ll put him to bed,” I take Julien from him quickly but Harry automatically moves to unzip his coat when I’ve got him. I feel fluttery, watching the thoughtful motions with his son. It reminds me of all the ways he cared for me when we were younger. As soon as the zip is undone I move Julien to his bedroom. I dress him in PJs, and he only wakes when I kiss his forehead.

“Mummy?” he whispers.

“I’m right here,” I feel a tear slip down my cheek. This whole evening was proving to be more emotional than I could handle. “Sorry I wasn’t there when you felt sick.”

“I’m not sick anymore,” he repeats. His tiny arms lock around my neck and pull me down into his pillow. I stay there until he relaxes, his arms falling away like the tears that slip easily down my cheek. I’m glad it’s dim, as I tuck him in and wipe the tears that don’t stop coming down. His father was right outside, and he’s gone his whole life without knowing him. It was unfair to him, and unfair to Harry--I knew that. I was selfish, I wanted him all to myself, and I was still holding onto the hurt Harry caused me.

“Everything alright?” Harry whispers when I walk out. He’d taken it upon himself to look through the photos scattered throughout the surfaces that had a few pictures of Julien and I as he grew. I know he’s seen the picture of Jules from a few years ago, he’s a carbon copy of his dad at that age, except for his eyes. I’m hoping Harry doesn’t make the connection, that he’s not thinking that hard about it.

“He’s in bed now,” I say. “I’m relieved to have him under the same roof as me! Sorry to keep you waiting, can I get you a drink?”

“No, I’m alright.” he moves towards the door and the twinge of disappointment surprises me. “I’m going to have to drive home.”

“Right, well I’ve got tea?”

“I...” Harry hesitates where he is. His eyes flit across my face, “Were you crying?”

“Yeah,” I laugh. “I’m an emotional mess when it comes to Jules. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“I know we’re...not what we used to be but, could I give you a hug?”

I stare, he takes a step towards me and I clear my head. It would be awkward if I said no, he did drive me home, plus “I could use one.”

But it was the wrong thing to do, even though it felt so right to be held like this. Folded into his chest as his strong arms pull me tight against him, it feels like more than just a sympathetic hug. It feels like seeing each other the first day back from winter break, it feels like celebrating graduation with a new flat, it feels like being comforted after not getting the job, it feels like birthdays and holidays and running out of steam after an explosive argument, crawling back to each other because we used to be like that—we couldn’t live without each other. Oh god, he was going to hate me. I’m going to have to break his world and he was going to hate me.

I push him away before he could feel the sob come up, I turn and walk into the toilet. I couldn’t be in the same room as him right now, and he must realize it. I hear the front door close softly as he leaves. Maybe Harry and I reached the end of the book a long time ago. I lower myself onto the toilet seat and cry into my hands, if there was another chapter ahead, it wasn’t going to end well. Maybe Harry and I were never meant to end well.

Harry’s POV

It’s been a few weeks since I saw her in person, and I forget how I survived five years without her. I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawal: Our virtual meetings don’t cut it, I have next Friday circled in red in my head for when we check out venues together. I can’t stop thinking about her, can’t stop thinking about my next fix of her. As the holiday season settles around us, all I seem to see are happy couples and Christmas trees and all I can think about is all of the Christmas memories we had together.

I can’t get her out of my head. Her smell, the feel of her tucked under my chin in the dim lighting of her flat, the way she looked at me when I took her son from her arms and helped her up, her perfume and the smell of her in her flat, the mug she stole from my kitchen in uni sitting on her coffee table, her short dress and her soft thighs on my leather seats as she texted her mum in my passenger seat, how we looked at each other across the table for a moment that night and I thought I saw my Y/N. But I must have been dreaming. That’s what I have to tell myself.

“How long do you think it’ll take before she forgives you?” Niall asks across my dining table. Apparently he had lunch with Y/N and Julien on Saturday, she apologized to him for cutting him off. Lucky bastard.

“I don’t know if she will,” I scratch out the line I just edited. “She confuses me. She could hardly stand to touch me when I tried to hold her hand after dinner, but in her flat she let me hug her.”

“And then she ran away crying,” Niall heard this story half a dozen times already. “You’re not good for her right now.”

“She’s sort of planning my party...”

“You’ve got issues,” Niall throws a pick at me. “So uh, has she said anything about Julien?”

“What do you mean?” I perk up. “Did something happen?”

“No,” he shrugs. “It’s just her son...”

“I know, I’m still wrapping my head around that. So how did your date go last night?”

“Ehm,” Niall scratches his arm, I could tell a nervous Niall from miles away.

“What happened?”

“A date, it was good. Probably not getting a second date.”

“Did you talk about your ex this time?”

“That was you,” Niall reminds me of one of my worse dates. “I brought up my mum...it didn’t go well. There’s no going back.”

“Better luck next time,” I say sympathetically. “Maybe we should have a boy’s night out hey? How does Saturday sound?”

“Actually...” Niall hesitates. “I’ve got uhm, a thing to go to.”

“A thing?” I raise my eyebrow, I knew Niall’s lying tic.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be busy.”

“What kind of thing...?”

“Okay, fine!” Niall huffs. “Y/N’s asked me to be her plus one to this Christmas thing.”

My mouth dries up, “What?”

“It’s nothing serious, she said her company throws these Christmas parties and they invite their families and stuff. She said she wants to see me more when she apologised to me, and she invited me. So people stop asking her when she’s going to get a boyfriend.”

“So-so you’re going as her date.”

“No! Not like that, I wouldn’t do that to you. It’s just a date. You know we’re best mates.”

“She didn’t even tell me about it.”

“No offense, but why would she?”

“Who’s side are you on?” I ask, feeling betrayed.

“I’m on your side, always, but c’mon mate. You broke her heart why would she invite you?”

“We’re getting along again, The Plan is working.”

“Firstly,” Niall wags his finger. “I’m not sure why you’re doing this whole Plan, it sounds fucking mental. Secondly, her family’s going to be there and they probably hate you. And do you forget Y/N and I were friends before you two dated?”

“I’m your best mate! Niall please, find a way to invite me. I’ll owe you big time.” I plead but no matter what I say Niall doesn’t give in. Until I realize, “Oh, her sister’s gonna be there isn’t she? Saf?”

“No, what? Probably.” Niall’s cheeks redden and I know I’ve got him.

“The sister you dated behind her back?”

“She doesn’t know, don’t you dare say anything to her!”

“Look, I might slip up and say something. Unless, say, you’re there with us making sure I stay quiet.”

“Don’t do this,” Niall groans. “It’s in two days.”

“So should I tell her gently or just say you dated her baby sister?” I grin, only feeling slightly guilty. But Niall had to get me in, I had to see her again.

“You’re a dick,” Niall gets up and closes his laptop, shoving it into his bag.. “You’re my best friend, you’re not supposed to blackmail me.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I just need to see her Niall, there’s something there I swear.”

“Okay,” Niall relents. “I’ll see what I can do. Her family might be there.”

“One step at a time,” I say even though the idea of seeing them makes me want to eat glass. “I just need to show her I’m not that guy anymore. I’ve changed, I’m not that guy right?”

“No,” Niall shakes his head. “You’re not Harry, I don’t think you were ever...you got lost when things got rough but you’ve always been Harry. Except when you’re blackmailing me, then I don’t care what happens to ya’”

Y/N’s POV:

“I love Christmas,” Jules jumps on my bed as I carefully apply my eyeliner. “It’s the best day ever!”

“You just love it because Santa gets you all the presents.” I say. “And stop jumping on the bed you little monkey, you’re going to wrinkle your shirt.”

“No, I love Christmas because Grandad gives me sweets and everyone gets together and we all eat yummy food and Aunt Saf always plays her video games with me and-”

“Okay Jules,” I chuckle. “It’s the best day ever!”

“I know!” He does one last jump and ends it by sitting down. “Your makeup is taking soo long.”

“Stop distracting me!” I turn to look at him. “Why don’t you get your get your coat out of the closet and my square purse?”

“The letter one?” He asks, it was shaped like an envelope so it became the only identifiable bag.

With him gone for a few minute, I quickly finish the other side and am just done my lipstick when he shows up with his coat zipped and my purse in hand. and my heels crushed against his chest. “I even got you your shoes from the closet.”

“You’re the sweetest boy,” I squish his cheek in a kiss and he rushes to the mirror to wipe the lipstick off but only manages to smudge it. At least he’s distracted.

My phone vibrates with a call, it was Niall. “Hiya, I was just about to head out.”

“Oh yeah,” his voice sounds rough and my heart drops. Was something wrong? “I’m really sorry to do this so last minute--”

“Niall please, don’t say you’re cancelling. I was counting on you!”

“Yeah, I...I got food poisoning? I’m still not feeling well.”

“Jeez,” I flop down on the bed and Julien looks over at me curiously. “Sorry, that’s shitty. D’you think you could make it late or it’s bad?”

“Uhm, maybe later.” His voice is a bit muffled. Maybe he was in bed. “Good news, I asked Harry and he’s free so-”

“No.”

“-pick you up and...No?”

“Did Harry put you up to this? Niall! Why would you set me up like this?”

“It’s not my fault!” he squeaks. “Really, if I could make it I would but I can’t right now. You and Harry are cool right? You’re just going as friends.”

“I told everyone at work I was bringing a special someone.” I want to swear but I don’t want Julien’s eyes to get any bigger.

“Shite,” Niall has the audacity to laugh. “I’m really sorry I didn’t know you...oh god I want to laugh.”

“You better not, if you’ve already told Harry whatever. Tell him I’ll meet him there. I’m not forgiving you for this Niall Horan.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” Niall says with a laugh in his voice. I put it down before he can let it out.

“Let’s get our taxi,” I tell Julien. “It’s just you and me for now.”

***

Honestly Harry, don’t bother. I’m sure you’re busy. I text Harry back when he texts to confirm the address. He texts that he’s already on his way, which make me suspicious of the quick timing. There was something fishy going on, but I am too busy to think more about it. I have to convince Julien to behave and give him the lecture on the ride there, I spot my sister there and my brother’s family; as a partner I was encouraged to invite any family I wanted and the kids usually enjoyed it so they showed up for it.

I catch up with a few people and say hi to my favourite coworkers, and everyone badgers me about my date. They tease me when I say he got food poisoning, that he was made up which makes me confess he’d sent a friend in his place. I make sure to emphasize that to a few more than the rest, because I didn’t want my partners to think I was dating a client. Of course Harry didn’t think that through when he accepted Niall’s offer.

“So, you look like a million pounds.” Harry says beside me after I pick up another champagne flute. I can smell the musky perfume he wore, with its hint of sweet floral, my stomach flutters at the strong urge it brings to bury my face in his chest.

“Thank you,” I wrap my arm around my waist, feeling awkward. I did look like a million pounds, silver silk draped over my body that hit me mid-calf, and a deep V neck on both the front and back. But hearing my ex compliment me so genuinely made me self-conscious. “You look nice.”

“Oh, thanks,” Harry says uncomfortably and I want to dash out of the conversation but I’m saved by Jules, my angel. “Hey! Harry!”

“Hey buddy, you remember my name?”

“Yeah, you have the coolest guitars! I remember when you played all the strings!” Jules wraps an arm around my knee as he looks up to Harry with an awed expression. If only he knew Harry was a Musician with a capital M. And a Dad with a capital D. Shite.

“Well you’re welcome to play some more anytime you want.” Harry chuckles at the enthusiasm and Jules looks up at me excitedly. I tell him not to get too carried away, and luckily his cousin finds him and pulls him back to play.

“Is that...?”

“Danny? Yeah, all grown up. He’s 7 now.” We watch my nephew run to the other kids whilst holding Julien’s hand. I forgot Harry knew him as a kid.

“So that means your family’s here?” Harry drags out the question.

“Saf, and Daniel,” my brother named his firstborn after himself, it was a whole thing when it happened. “Daniel’s wife, his kids. Don’t hold your breath, my parents had other commitments.”

Harry lets out an exaggerated breath which makes me laugh, and surprisingly the rest of the evening isn’t so painful. A few people recognise Harry, he makes a show of knowing who Emily is, and although it gets a bit tense between my sister and him, I sit between them during dinner and it’s almost like old times until Julien tries to sit on me and Harry moves down so that Jules is sitting in between both parents. Saf nudges me, and I shoot her a look. I knew what was happening.

But Harry is so gentle yet playful with Julien, and Jules loves him. It gives me a break, allowing me to talk to those around me while we eat and it takes me a moment to realize this is what it could be like if I ever co-parented. This is what it was supposed to be like. And if I’d drank anything that night, the thought sobered me entirely.

Niall shows up after dinner as the drinks are flowing freely, he looks like he was never sick tonight but he swears he was. I third-wheel him and Harry as they talk in industry code, until my sister joins me.

“Safs, you remember Niall,” I say when she hands me a spritz.

“Ehm yeah, Safira, hi,” Niall shakes my sister’s hand awkwardly when she goes in for a hug. It’s so awkward and ridiculous I have to laugh. 

“It’s been a while,” my sister bounces on her heels. “You mastermind this?”

Niall looks over at Harry, my sister was referencing his invitation and Niall denies it but the smile on his face tells me otherwise. What was he up to?

“He’s dead to her,” Safs goes on like Harry isn’t there. “I’m surprised you tried to play matchmaker again.”

“That’s not for you to say-” Harry tries to cut Niall before he can defend him and tries to tell Saf that he wasn’t here to cause any trouble. But Saf isn’t listening, she’s having a conversation with Niall with her eyes. It was interesting, and something niggles at me but my emotions are too heightened to make sense of it. I’m taken aback by how comfortable my sister felt with Niall, enough to argue publicly, but she was head-strong and I don’t question it.

“She’s a bit drunk, sorry boys.” I give her a look she teases me for, says I look like mum when I do. She scowls at me appropriately and stalks off, surprisingly Niall follows her. I turn to Harry, “I don’t know why he’s following.”

Harry agrees. His eyes are locked on Niall and Saf bickering away like an old couple. “What a pair, those two.”

There it was, I look back at Niall and my sister. I remember that awful New Year’s party, Niall had flirted all night with Saf. Did they...I shake my head, I’d told Niall she was off limits there was no way... “They fight like an old couple.”

“Uhm,” Harry chokes out a laugh. “They do right?”

Harry’s POV:

I knew the moment would come when someone in Y/N’s family decided to grill me, I should’ve known it would be Safira. After she’d chewed Niall out and he heads for a drink, my conversation with Y/N is cut short when an old client of hers pulls her away. I watch as he makes her laugh, and my stomach churns. I’m left to stand aimlessly. And so of course she finds me, a fierce expression ready to battle.

“You’ll burn a hole right through his skull,” Safira says in my ear. I jerk back to stare, she looks less like a kid from the last time I saw her. She was probably in her 20s now. “You’re staring.”

"I’m not,” I retaliate.

“No, don’t do that.” She crosses her arms and shakes her head. “She doesn’t belong to you or something. She can have fun with a stranger if she wants, I’m sure you did plenty of that.”

It’s hard to take her seriously when she slurs half her words but the poisonous glare she shoots me sharpens the curves of her speech.

“You used to be so cute and harmless when Y/N and I first dated, now you can’t wait to bite our heads off.” I goad her, the same way I used to when Y/N and I first got together.

“Don’t do that either,” she punches my arm. “I’m not 16 anymore.”

“I know,” I look at her. She softens a bit, glancing out to Y/N which reminds me why I was so worked up. “Maybe I just need to get wasted so this doesn’t sting as much.”

She tilts her head to the drinks and I follow her, we drink in amicable silence. It doesn’t feel like she’s forgiven me, but like she’s willing to put up with me. It’s quieter where we are so I try to get some information from her. When I mention Julien, just like at Y/N’s office, Saf’s face softens.

“I love that kid, always thought I hated kids but he‘s the cutest, squishiest little thing.”

“He is,” I smile. “You lot are all very close with him?”

“My parents are putty in his hands,” she says fondly.

“His dad’s not in the picture is he then?”

She pauses mid-sip and eyes me, and then her expression changes to something I don’t understand before she shuts it down. “No, they split shortly after.”

That was a bit more to go off of at least. Maybe Niall can snoop through her instagram, who was she dating four year ago? “That’s a shame.”

“Don’t really like his dad,” she says with a ferocious intensity as she pushes away from the table. “Thought he was one of the good ones but he wasn’t.”

And just like that she leaves, without a second glance. It takes me a moment to shake off the information. Y/N dated a dick after me, I feel overprotective and angry and I know it’s mostly the drink but it doesn’t help that she’s still laughing with the good looking bloke. I turn to the bartender and he puts two shots in front of me without a word. I down them like water and turn back to where Y/N leans against a wall talking.

I had to get her away from him, I think. Or maybe the drink thinks it, but I’m moving towards her as fast as I can until I nearly crash into her.

“Woah, Harry.” she puts a hand on my arm and it stings and soothes. How did I let her go?

“Sorry,” I mumble. “I was getting a bit bored. Hi.”

“Hiya,” the other guy smiles politely. “I’ve taken enough of your time, I’ll go back to the wife but I’ll see you at the office in the New Year. Nice to meet you.”

I nod at him and find Y/N looking at me with a puzzled expression when I turn back. “What?”

Y/N’s POV:

When he looks at me I feel like I should look away, his expression feels like something private--what he’s feeling, it’s so naked on his face and I feel like I shouldn’t be seeing it.

“Nothing,” I shake my head. “I think you’d had enough to drink tonight.”

“I’m not drunk,” Harry splays his hand beside against the wall beside me, but because I’m in heels he’s not towering over me.

“But you’re getting there,” I level him with a look. “And I don’t want you to get sloppy in this crowd.”

“Right,” he hangs his head. “I missed ya Y/N.”

“I...” I don’t know what to say to that, there was too much to say and not enough. But I see the sadness in the downturn of his mouth, the shame in eyes, the frustration in his brows. I see him, the whole him, in that single moment. Anyone could take one look at him and see a man with regrets, but what scares me is what else I see: a man with love. “It’s getting late, I should get Jules and myself home.”

“Now?” Harry stands straight. “I-I’ll find Niall.”

We stand for a beat before heading in opposite directions, Jules is playing with new friends since his cousins went home a little while ago. His sweater is missing and I finally locate it under one of the Christmas trees. I look for Saf to say goodbye but she’s gone, and I type her a text one-handed while the other holds Jules’ who clutches his goody bags.

I nearly drop my phone when Harry shows up in front of us, and Julien laughs at my startled expression.

“What are you still doing here?”

“I ehm, my phone died. And I couldn’t find Niall anywhere.” Harry says with an embarrassed smile. “I’ve been trying to get a taxi but, every single bloody one that pulls up was called for.”

“You could’ve just asked the front desk to call you one,” I look around and sigh. “You can ride with us.”

“Is Harry coming over?” Julien overhears and interprets the conversation.

“It’s well past your bedtime,” why did my kid love Harry this instantly. “You shouldn’t be concerned about who’s coming over.”

“Please?” he stares up at me with his puppy eyes and the mom-guilt creeps in. He wanted to spend time with his dad even though he didn’t realize it. “Harry can teach me some songs!”

“He has a toy guitar,” I explain to Harry. “Jules has to be in bed in a half hour, but you can share our ride.”

“S’alright love,” Harry smiles sheepishly. “I can just take the tube home.”

“With your pass?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Ah, dead phone. Shh...shoot.” Harry side eyes Jules who is tugging my hand with excitement.

“Okay, Harry’s coming with us,” I say and I regret it the second we get into a car. Jules settles between us, and after a few moments in the lull of the heated car, he tips to his right and onto Harry’s arm. He’s out like a light. Harry lifts his arm up gently and maneuvers Julien into his chest, my heart nearly bursts out of his chest.

“I can get him here,” I whisper but Harry waves my hand away.

“He...” Harry starts before trailing off. “He’s a really great kid.”

“Oh,” a lump lodges itself in my throat, my eyes sting and I blink like a maniac to gain some composure. “He is. He really is.”

“Saf said your parents are putty in their hands, I can see why.” Harry continues. His face shines with a smile. “I don’t know if-I don’t know if it’s because he’s a piece of you or he’s just that special but, I would do anything for him too.”

“Harry,” I choke up. “Don’t say things like that.”

“Why not?” Harry whispers. “It’s how I feel.”

I stare at Jules’ head of curls, and find a similar one when I look up at Harry. It was hard to re-reconcile this man with the one I grew to love and the one who left me alone with an easy cruelty. I didn’t trust myself to decide which Harry was the real one.

“I wish I was there for you,” Harry continues. “After everything...I wish I was there for you. I wish I saw you become a mother, I know you hate me but I just wish...”

My hand finds his, wrapped around Julien’s back. I grasp his and give it a squeeze. “Just...leave it Harry.”

“I can’t,” he holds onto my hand tighter when I try to slip it back. “You still don’t trust me. And I can’t take the past back. I don’t know where I stand.”

He stood too close, I thought. I needed space from him, it was clear he still had love for me and I felt myself giving into the love that was achingly familiar. My body didn’t lie when it leaned into him involuntarily, but I couldn’t break my own heart like this. He would turn his casual cruelty back on me as soon as he found out the kind of secrets I was keeping.

“It doesn’t matter,” I whisper as we arrive to my building. Harry gets out with Julien and hands him over when I refuse any help getting to my flat. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea even though seeing him with Julien, tonight at the party and in the car, thawed my heart a little. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Harry brushes my cheek. “For tonight.”

I nod and head home, without looking back. I had to figure out what I wanted from Harry, because things didn’t feel so straightforward anymore. I was scared that what I was seeing was the edge and any tiny momentum could tip me over the edge.

I go to my flat and try Saf again, I needed some sisterly advice. But she’s still unavailable. I try my mum next, she picks up on the third ring.

“So remember that work dinner I went to when Jules was sick...” I start off.

--------------------------

Tag List:

@harrysficreblog  @gayb4rbz  @divalovesyou

[visionofhope04]

Neglected - Part 5

Sorry for the long wait! I just kinda didn’t really know how to make the reader’s and Jason’s conversation go but I got it! This is the last part of the series!!! I’m going to start working on a story based on this headcannon now. By the way, requests are open! Just no smut. Hope you enjoy!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 (Current)

---

You had just got home after that long interview. It had taken about 45 minutes and you were exhausted. You didn’t know how you managed to make it through 10 minutes of it. The first few minutes were definitely tense and you knew the press would eat it up. You planned to come clean about your so called family in an interview, but you didn’t plan for it to be the first one ever. You couldn’t control your mouth and the truth just poured out of you. You were glad the interviewer dropped the subject when you asked.

After setting your things down, you dropped onto the couch and lifted your hand above your head. You were staring at the ceiling and contemplating life when your phone rang. You reluctantly hopped off the couch and sprinted to get it. You found it, accepted the call, and then held it to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Hello Y/N, I just saw your interview. Care to explain why you didn’t tell me about it and Y/G/N?”

“Jason! I’m sorry-”

“Y/N I’m so proud of you." You were so shocked, you almost dropped your phone.

“What? You’re not mad I outed the family?” You said in disbelief.

“No, of course not! Why would I be mad? If anything, I’m glad you did that to them. They deserve it. I'm just a little disappointed you didn't tell me about Y/G/N.”

"Well to be fair it was all over the news."

"Well, I haven't had time to check lately."

“Touche. By the way, how is everyone?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. I only tolerate them for the sake of the city.”

“Oh, okay well- wait, what happens if they find out about what I said?! They’re gonna ruin my image, the career that I literally just started, and practically the rest of my life! I-”

“Woah, calm down, relax. They won’t ruin anything.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“They won’t. Trust me. If they do try anything it will be suspicious. No one would believe them.”

You noticed it had become late and you really wanted to take a nap, so you decided it was time to hang up.

“I love you Jason, thank you for everything. I’m exhausted from that interview and I’d like to get a few hours of sleep in.”

“I love ya too sis, just don’t forget me alright?”

“How could I? I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright, don’t forget. Bye."

“Bye.”

Jason hung up and you placed your phone back down. You made your way to your room and gathered (the clothes u sleep with cuz we don’t judge here) and prepared to shower and then finally take a nap.

---

Timothy Drake sat at the desk in his room, working on cases and occasionally sipping the coffee he had made ten minutes prior. It was 4 PM and he had been working nonstop since he got back from patrol. He opened a new tab on his laptop and saw something rather concerning pop up. It was an article titled “THE WAYNES AREN’T WHO YOU THINK THEY ARE…” Tim clicked on the article and began to read.

---

Bruce had been working in his office when suddenly Tim barged through the door. Bruce’s head snapped up in alarm.

“Look at this!” Tim screeched.

“What is it?” Bruce asked as Tim stomped over to his desk and handed him the laptop.

“Y/N…” Bruce grumbled in annoyance. “Can you remove the article or at least hide it?”

“No, it would look too suspicious. It’s already viral and if it suddenly disappeared people would suspect we had something to do with it.”

“Ugh. Inform Dick and Damian about it. I’ll see what I can do.”

“Okay.” Tim agreed as he quickly snatched his laptop from Bruce and ran back to his room.

---

“What!?” Dick Grayson was shocked. Timothy had just filled him in on the whole news incident Y/N had caused. He was furious. How could Y/N do such a thing and not know how badly her words would hurt their reputation! She was just overreacting and now people would believe her lies. “What’s B going to do?”

“I don’t know, he said he’s taking care of it.”

“Alright, I’ll let Damian know.”

---

"What?" Damian said in shock. Dick had called him while he was walking Titus and explained the situation. How and why would you do this to them? Did you not know how badly this would affect them???

"B says he's taking care of it. Don't worry about it much Dami."

That eased his worries a bit. "Okay, goodbye Grayson."

---

You were startled awake by the sound of your phone ringing. Groaning, you got up and went to retrieve your phone. On the way there, you glanced at the clock and noticed the time. You had slept for way longer than you meant to. Assuming it was someone from Y/G/N checking on you, you answered.

“Hello?”

"Y/N, you can't talk about us like that-"

You cut Bruce off. "I can and I will." You then hung up on him.

You felt a sense of pride wash over you. You were proud of how far you've come over the years. Before you wouldn't dare disobey Bruce. But now you had the courage to cut him off and hang up on him! You then blocked his number as well as Dick's, Tim's, and Damian's.

---

For the next few months, they tried to contact you in every way they knew how. Unfortunately for them, you knew exactly how to avoid and ignore them. They tried to cancel you and make the public believe you were lying. That backfired on them due to Jason exposing their lies and confirming that they did in fact neglect you.

Wayne Enterprises' business started to drop by landslides. Not to the point of bankruptcy but to the point where they were no longer in the top 100. The public started to support you more and Y/G/N gained even more popularity. You were so happy about everything and all the support you were receiving.

Alfred had called you one day congratulating you. He apologized for not trying to get to know you and for letting them treat you that way. He asked if you would like to meet up with him sometime and start to get to know each other. You forgave him and agreed to meet up with him.

Bruce, Dick, Tim, and Damian never bothered you anymore after that and you finally got your happy ending.

---

I DID IT! ITS HERE! IT'S FINISHED! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THIS!!! THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE!!! If you're on the current tag list please let me know if you'd like to be tagged in all of my future DC works since this series is finished or if you'd like to just be tagged in certain works that only involve certain characters. If you want to be tagged in future works of mine please send it through asks.

Tag list: @fake-id-69 @pepelachanel @loxbbg @what-0-life @yoongi-holland @omnivorousfangirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @sexysamsungl @iceddonuts @buginetye @portrait-ninja @azazel-nyx @alculai @whitemanswhore14

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Not Enough

has anyone else just wanted Danny to go completely fucking feral at Dash? anyone?

yeah me too

this is some truly self-indulgent shit y'all

"Hey Fenton!"

Danny slammed his locker shut, sighing as Dash clapped him roughly on the shoulder.

"I'm throwin' a huge ass Halloween party this weekend, ghosts are all about Halloween right? You should totally come!"

It wasn't the first party Danny had been invited to since being outed as Phantom, but somehow Dash didn't seem to get the hint that he wasn't even remotely interested.

"No." Danny snapped, he threw his bag over his shoulder and turned his back on Dash, walking away without another word.

"What's your problem?"

Danny stopped, turning back around with a face of utter disdain.

"Excuse me?"

"I've been trying to be nice, but all you do is just brush me off! Like you can't even pretend to be busy or something?"

Danny stared, mouth halfway open as he tried to find the words to respond.

"Are you actually serious?" he finally choked out, almost too bewildered to be angry.

Almost.

"You're not still mad about all that stuff from before right?" Dash asked. "Like, I don't even do that shit anymore, it's over."

"Is it?" Danny's eyes flashed brightly and Dash took a half step back as the air went cold. "Because I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that I pulled Mikey out of his locker."

"Well, yeah but that was Mikey." Dash laughed. "C'mon man, I wouldn't do that to you. We're totally cool now, so why you gotta keep blowing me off? You talk to Kwan like it's not big deal, and he used to wail on you all the time!"

Danny took a deep, slow breath, then another.

"Have you considered that maybe it's because I don't like you?" Danny said through gritted teeth.

Dash huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring at the ground.

"Look, I get it, I was a jerk, but it's over! I'm actually trying to be nice, now you're the one being an asshole."

Danny looked as though he'd been slapped.

"You're such a fucking idiot Dash." Said Danny, his voice trembling with barely restrained rage. "You can't just treat someone like shit every single day for two years and then expect them to get over it because you invited them to a few parties."

"Then how come Kwan gets to hang out with you?" Dash could feel his face heating up. "You're just gonna let him off the hook? That's not fair!"

"HE APOLOGISED!"

In one thunderous moment, every locker in the hallway slammed open, sending papers and books flying across the floor. The few students still packing up their things got the fuck out of dodge, whether this was a ghost thing or a Fenton thing (was there even a difference at this point?) they wanted no part of it.

Dash couldn't move, his feet felt heavy, he wasn't entirely sure if Danny had done something to him with his ghost powers, or if he was just afraid.

Because he was certainly afraid.

Even after everyone found out, Danny still didn't use his powers at school unless it was a ghost emergency. He didn't use them for pranks, didn't use them to get even, didn't even use them to show off.

But he was sure as hell using them now, and Dash suddenly realised why he was always holding himself back.

He was terrifying.

Danny took a few steps forward, stopping barely an arm's length away from where Dash was rooted to the spot, trembling.

"Kwan apologised to me." He said, quietly this time. "He apologised to my friends, he even apologised to some other kids, and when I told him that I wasn't ready to forgive him, he accepted that and left me alone until I was ready to talk to him again."

Dash wanted to speak, but he couldn't seem to make his brain form the words he needed, it was too busy buzzing with danger run danger get out run run RUN.

"You made every single day of my life miserable for two whole fucking years, and that isn't even counting the bullshit you pulled in middle school. How do you feel right now Dash? Does it scare you to be around me? Does it scare you to be at the mercy of someone that you know damn well can hurt you?" Danny leant in, grabbing a fistful of letterman jacket. "I hope it does, because now maybe you'll have an idea what it was like for me going to school every fucking day knowing that you would be there, ready and waiting to hurt me. Every single FUCKING day."

Dash found himself being thrown backwards, his feet finally able to move again as he caught himself.

"I'm s-sor-sorry." he mumbled, his lips felt numb and tingly and his head swam with panic as he struggled to get the words out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Danny's voice cracked, his face wasn't twisted in rage anymore, his eyes were blue once again, and shining with tears. "Are you really sorry for hurting me? Or are you just sorry that the guy you were beating the shit out of turned out to be Phantom?"

"I didn't... I didn't know." Dash gasped out, he could barely hear his own words, all he could hear was his own heart beating loudly in his ears as he struggled to draw in breath. "I didn't know it was like that, I just thought-"

Thought what? What had he thought? That he wasn't really hurting anyone? That it wasn't that big a deal?

No, he hadn't thought that, because he hadn't thought at all.

"And you're gonna stand here and tell me I'm an asshole." Danny was almost sobbing as he raggedly spat out each word. "Because I won't forgive you for something you never even apologised for. This is the first time you even acknowledged that you were an absolute jerk to me, and you followed it up by demanding that I just get over it."

Dash stared down at the floor, it sounded terrible when Danny put it like that.

"I wasn't... demanding anything." he said, he was embarrassed by how whiny he sounded. "I was just trying to make it up to you, I was trying, I just thought... it's not fair that I can't have second chance. I was trying so hard and all I wanted was a second chance-"

"I DON'T CARE." Danny's eyes were screwed up tight, but it didn't stop the tears of fury from pouring down his cheeks, his voice so shredded with pain it was barely recognisable. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. I DON'T OWE YOU A SECOND CHANCE. I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING. YOU FUCKED ME UP AND YOU. CAN'T. FIX IT."

Dash didn't know what to do. Danny was openly sobbing, his breaths came out in grunts as he couldn't hold the rage and misery back.

He was still standing within arm's reach, Dash cautiously put out a hand, to comfort him? He wasn't sure, but he barely brushed Danny's shoulder before Dash found himself spinning violently and his cheekbone exploded with sudden pain as he hit the floor. Cold hands drew away from him roughly.

"DON'T TOUCH ME." Danny screamed. "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN."

Dash watched as Danny grabbed his backpack and his footsteps disappeared down the hall.

It was over, just like that it was over.

Dash sat up and touched his face, he wasn't bleeding but he knew it would bruise pretty bad. It hurt, he would be squinting through one eye for a few days.

Danny could have done this to him at any time, he could have done it to him every day if he wanted, and maybe he would, now that he'd done it once.

The thought made Dash feel cold as dread pooled in his stomach.

The next day Dash told people he'd gotten his black eye from playing football, his team knew it wasn't true, but they didn't ask. He kept his eye out for Danny, wondering if he would pop up invisibly and knock him off his feet, or drag him through the floor, or hit him when nobody was looking.

He clung to Kwan's side all day, afraid to be alone.

Phantom could be anywhere, he could get him anywhere, if he wanted to hurt Dash nobody would be able to stop him.

Nobody had been able to stop Dash, and he didn't even have superpowers.

But in the end, nothing happened.

Dash went through the day untouched. Danny didn't even look his way. Not once. He just acted like yesterday never happened.

But it did happen, Dash still had the bruise on his cheek, and the terror set deep in his bones.

In the following days, weeks, months, Danny still never touched him, never looked at him, never talked to him. Dash realised that Danny probably wasn't going to do anything else after all, that maybe he hadn't even meant to hurt him in the first place.

He was a hero after all, he protected people, even people he didn't like. The only time he had ever come into contact with Dash again was to haul him out of the way of a ghost, and he did so with the same care as he would with anyone else.

Danny wasn't like him, he didn't gloat about hurting him, he didn't revel in the fact that Dash was scared of him. He just went about his day, acting for all the world like Dash didn't even exist.

Dash never gave him a true apology, it was clear Danny didn't want one, it was far too late for that.

It left Dash with a sick feeling of unfulfillment. He understood now what Danny had been going through, the pain, the terror, he wanted Danny to know that he was truly sorry, that he really had changed this time.

But he couldn't, because forcing an unwanted apology on him would just make Dash the asshole all over again, he was trying to steal a forgiveness that he could never have.

So he had to find his closure somewhere else.

He stopped picking on Mikey, and Nathan, and all of the other nerds he frequently hassled. He even tried apologising to them, some forgave him, others didn't, and he had to be okay with that. He struggled not to lash out, it still felt unfair, the world had always told him that you were supposed to forgive people when they apologised. It always happened that way on tv, in the cartoons he grew up watching. The mean kid would apologise, the other kids would forgive him, and they would all become friends.

He was realising that the real world was a whole lot more complicated than that, he didn't earn forgiveness just because apologising was hard, he was learning fast that he didn't earn any brownie points for taking responsibility for his actions. He was just doing what any decent person should.

It took him a while to come to terms with that, to stop being angry at people for not letting him make it up to them. For not letting him prove that he had changed.

All it took was to occasionally pass by Danny in the hallways for him to cool his jets and think more clearly. To remind him that he was the bad guy, he was the one who hurt people, that his victims did not owe him anything.

In his last year of school, he had found himself watching the juniors below him falling into the same behaviours, the same struggle for power and control. Pushing other kids around without so much as sparing a thought to how it made them feel.

After a lengthy chat with Mr Lancer, Dash was given permission to pull out younger students from detention one day a week. He would talk to them, ask about their lives, ask about their feelings. He would ask why they lashed out, why they thought it was okay to treat people that way. Most of them didn't have an answer, or simply refused to give one, but he would push, he wouldn't let them hide in ignorance like he did.

Some of them did feel guilt for the way they treated people, and they only needed someone they could talk to who could understand what they were going through, so they wouldn't take it out on whoever was around at the time.

Others would take more effort, they need a far stronger push in the right direction, they were defensive and combative, selfish and unapologetic.

Dash had been one of those kids, he knew they would be hard work, but he did his best. He couldn't help all of them, some were simply unwilling to change.

So he contacted the school-board, he pushed for better protection for students, more programs to help troubled kids, he volunteered to keep running his own counselling groups even after he graduated.

It still never felt like enough.

After graduation he turned down his favoured college to attend one closer to home so he could continue his volunteer work. He joined petitions and rallies for change across entire school districts, he spoke at other schools' anti-bullying campaigns. He'd attended enough of them in his own childhood that he knew they did next to nothing, but it gave him the opportunity to reach out to kids for one on one support.

He found more volunteers for his counselling groups, he helped people start them up in other local schools. It was a lot of work, especially when he was also juggling his college studies. He was taking a major in psychology, it was brutal, Dash had never been good at studying, but he'd decided that this was what he needed to do, this was important to him.

It still wasn't enough.

It would come at him in the night, as soon as he laid his head down on his pillow. He would see the faces of all the kids he hurt, it felt so much worse the older he got, they just looked younger and younger every time the memories came back to plague him.

He had beat the shit out of children. Kids who were the same age as the students he now counselled. He beat them until they were bloody or bruised, he shoved them into lockers, pulled pranks that humiliated them in front of the whole school, and he had laughed.

He'd laughed at their pain.

When the guilt weighed him down, he would begin searching for new programs to volunteer for, new petitions or rallies to get behind, always finding another way to help protect kids like Danny from kids like him.

And to protect kids like him from doing things that would one day haunt them.

He had spread himself thin across every school in the district, barely keeping afloat at college, but it wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

Kids still slipped through the cracks, schools were still too lenient, there were too many kids, not enough volunteers.

Casper High was holding another anti-bullying assembly. It had been a few years since Dash had attended one at his old school. This year they had excitedly announced that they'd even secured an appearance from Phantom himself.

Dash's blood ran cold, his hands shook as he went over his notes, he was slated to do his speech alongside Phantom's, they would be sharing the stage for a solid 75 minutes, barely a few feet from one another.

When Danny showed up he was already in Phantom form, Dash spotted him discussing emergency exit plans with one of the organisers in the event of a ghost attack.

He was so different from when they were in school.

He was tall, and broad, he stood with confidence and had a good natured charm to him. He was a hero, he was strong, he was brave. He could fight monsters ten times his size with a smirk and a witty one liner. He could take on anything, he wasn't afraid of anything.

He was a kid, running down a hallway, screaming words that still pierced through Dash's mind every time he saw the hero's face.

"DON'T TOUCH ME."

Dash's hands clenched around his notes, shaking so violently that they barely even looked like words.

"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN."

"Dash?"

A deep voice cut through the chaos in Dash's mind as cold hands closed over his tremblings ones.

"It's good to see you again."

Phantom was smiling at him, his hands still closed around Dash's.

"Good... good to see you too." Dash mumbled, not able to meet the man's eyes.

Phantom paused before releasing Dash's hands.

"I've heard all about your work." Phantom grinned as Dash finally looked up and met his eyes.

"Yeah." he said, and then before his mind could catch up with his mouth, he blurted out, "I'm sorry, for everything."

Phantom's eyebrows rose for a moment, before he gave a gentle smile and clapped a hand on Dash's shoulder.

"I know." he said warmly. "Thank you."

They gave their speeches, Dash had told his story many times before, the victim that he'd pushed to breaking point, the boy whose words drove the change that made him the man he had become.

For the first time ever, that boy was listening.

After the assembly had packed up and the volunteers were heading home, it was Danny Fenton who approached Dash and asked if he wanted to go grab a beer together.

Dash thought it would be rather awkward, but Danny had plenty of experience socialising with the public, awkwardness slid right off him, and soon enough Dash found himself laughing alongside Danny as he told a story about the new misadventures of the Box Ghost.

He returned to his dorm that night, head still swimming from one too many beers, and he had the best sleep of his life.

He pulled back on some of his volunteer work, hunting for new people to take his place as he focused on college. He was falling far behind, but he would work hard to make his way back. As a volunteer he could only do so much, but with the right education and training, he could do so much more.

The guilt still haunted him, every so often when the pressure and the stress weighed heavy, it would creep back into his mind. It would probably never go away, not entirely, but at least now he had his closure.

Finally, it was enough.