#i can’t be the only one expected to maintain the conversations if i want friends

[professionaljester]

trying to cope with my crazy amounts of social isolation

[bunniehrtz]

“Touch me while your bros play grand theft auto” with Abby 😵‍💫😵‍💫

cw: cockwarming, titplay, risky business in front of your friends

i need to re-listen to the anthology

they��d been playing for hours. all 6 of them. abby, manny, owen, mel, nora and leah. you didn’t want to join in, you didn’t care about this game. didn’t see the appeal. however, you saw the appeal in abby’s arm wrapped around your shoulder, your head against her chest. you were getting restless and needy, as always. abby notices. she puts the controller down, everyone turning to look at her. you and abby were on an armchair, manny and leah on a sofa and owen, mel and nora on a duvet on the floor. “one second, just gotta do something,” abby says, picking you up to place you on her lap. you’re cuddling under a blanket, now feeling incredibly grateful. you gasp lightly as the bulge you’re sat on top of. your eyes go wide, looking up at abby. she smirks, picking the controller back up. you sink back down onto her chest, trying to ignore the ache in your core.

“anyone else want to play?” she asks, your eyes almost perking up at the question. manny takes the controller from her, everyone gazing at the screen, or their phones. her hands grip your hips, clearing her throat as she leans in to whisper in your ear. “don’t make a sound,” she bucks her hips up gently. your eyes shut at the feeling, biting down on your bottom lip. you hide your face in the crook of abby’s neck. leah spots this from the corner of her eye, furrowing her brows at you. “she’s okay, tired,”

abby says for you, and she looks back at the screen. abby lifts your hips up gently, pulling her silicone cock from her sweatpants. she leans back in. “you’re going to sit on this dick until i tell you to get off. okay, baby?” she orders, you nod immediately. abby peels off your pyjama shorts and your underwear, pushing you back down on her dick so, very gently. you have to bite down on abby’s shoulder to stop a moan escaping your mouth. the feeling of your teeth on her skin makes abby gasp and she quickly covers it with a cough. you let out a tiny giggle that forces abby to push you down. “abby!” you scream. you cover your mouth quickly, looking over your shoulder at everyone. no one even looked. “naughty girl,” she whispers, her hands coming off and out of the blanket, now behind her head. your eyes roll back, the sight of her toned biceps forcing you back into hiding.

minutes that feel like hours pass until abby’s hands snake back under the blanket, making their way past your hips, where you expected them to stay, up into your shirt. she starts kneading, groping your tits while maintaining a conversation like it’s nothing. her calm, soft face drives you crazy. you look up at her, trying to get her attention. nothing. your bottom lip stuck between your teeth, you can’t dare open them. your breathing is heavy and if anyone were to turn around they’d see you both moving up and down with each breath. each soft whimper that leaves your mouth is punished by a pinch to your nipple, only almost forcing another out. “so needy. just wait until everyone’s asleep and i’ll fuck you so good, baby. gotta wait for it.”

[purinfelix]

is it casual now? ✶⋆.˚ - joao felix

pairing - joao felix x reader summary - after yet another night spent together in secrecy, you finally build up the courage to ask Joao and uncomfortable question warnings - some angst, possibly a toxic relationship? word count - 1k

a/n: just bc ive been listening to chappell roan NONSTOP lately and realised i hadn't written a full length fic in a hot minute !!! hope u guys enjoy <333

There were a lot of people who wanted to know what kind of relationship you and Joao had.

Of course, there were endless amounts of media outlets and gossip pages that seemed to have eyes following everywhere the two of you went. It got to the point where you knew any time you were with him publicly, it would only be a few hours before your timeline was inundated with sensationalised headlines or sneakily taken candids.

Then there were the avid fans who commented on these posts, dreaming up theories that never failed to surprise you - that you were a childhood friend, a secret lover reuniting with him, or worst of all, that you were a ‘wannabe-WAG’ attempting to use Joao for his money. Perhaps most annoyingly though were your friends, who pressed endlessly for details whenever you mentioned having met up with the footballer recently despite your protests.

Sometimes it felt like all eyes were on you and your relationship - but sitting here, in a plush white hotel bathrobe on an equally plush and white hotel bed - you couldn’t help but feel as though you were the one who wanted to know most of all. You let the hand holding your phone fall to your side, heart heavy after seeing yet another gossip page post about the outing the two of you had gone on earlier the day with a headline relaying the typical narrative that you were nothing more than a gold-digging fake.

“Don’t bother with those,” you hear a soft voice behind you, Joao making his way out of the hotel bathroom in a matching bathrobe. His hair is still dripping wet from the shower and you’re almost envious of the way his skin glows in the soft ambient light. “Those idiots don’t know anything,” his tone is adamant, and you’d almost think he was being genuine.

“Well, it’s not like you tell them anything,” you mumble, barely louder than a whisper but he still catches the attitude in your tone.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffs, tossing the small towel he was using to dry his hair to the ground without a care. Making his way to the other side of the bed, he lies chest-down, eyes fixed on you.

“All I’m saying is,” the regret in your voice at having brought up this tired conversation is evident but the almost daring expression on Joao’s face forces you on, “we can’t expect them not to make all these crazy theories when you’ve basically been keeping me a secret all this time.”

“Hey I thought we both agreed to keep this a secret, why is it all my fault all of a sudden?”

“It’s not, it’s just,” you sigh in frustration, eyes wandering the room - the crumpled bedsheets beneath you, your bag laying on the bedside table, contents half-spilled, your shirt laying where you had hastily thrown it - anywhere but his face.

“Just what?” he presses, and you bite your lip in a futile attempt to stop yourself from asking the question that’s been on your mind for as long as you’ve known him.

“What are we, Joao?” your gaze falls to your own lap, unable to look at the expression on his face as you’re sure it’ll only make his response sting more.

“Why are you asking me this now?” It’s clear this was the last thing he was expecting from the way he’s taken aback and slightly amused - which only frustrates you more.

“Why can’t I?”

“I mean, I thought we were just keeping this casual, you know? That’s what we agreed upon isn’t it?”

“Yeah, months ago.” You try to maintain your temper but you can’t help your voice from raising a little, “Don’t you think it’s time to reconsider that? I mean we’re a bit more than casual don’t you think? Casual doesn’t involve fancy hotel hook-ups or night time beach walks!”

“I don’t know, I mean,” his defensiveness irritates you, “You know what it’s like being a footballer, I just can’t have anything threatening my position right now. I need to focus on the game, a distraction is the last thing I need.”

“And what about me Joao? Don’t you think I’m tired of the constant slander I get every time we’re out together?” You feel your heart racing and your blood boiling, “You’ve seen the articles haven’t you?”

“Look, it’s late, I’m tired and really don’t feel like talking about this now. Can we just go to sleep? We’ll discuss this in the morning.” He doesn’t even wait for your reply before stretching out underneath the blankets with a loud fake-yawn. You just sit there slack jawed, not entirely surprised but still a little taken aback that he would just cut you off like that, in the middle of a conversation you had been rehearsing in your head for weeks like it was nothing.

You know he’s lying about discussing this in the morning but still, you reach over to turn off the lamp on your side table before slowly pulling the blanket over yourself - not like you have any other option. You make a point of turning your back to him and huffing though, too frustrated to fall asleep as your mind continues to whir with thoughts about all the things you’re going to say to him the minute you’re awake tomorrow.

That is, at least, until you feel the familiarly gentle touch of Joao’s hands around your waist, tugging you close to him until he’s able to fully envelope you in his arms. He kisses the back of your head - a slow, sleepy, almost genuine apology. You can’t do anything other than let out a soft sigh, closing your eyes and letting yourself get lost in the comfort you’ve learnt to find in his touch, in his scent, and his presence - no matter how fleeting it may be.

Because even if you wake up tomorrow to an empty bed, no sign of him even having been here at all other than a heavy heart, and no one else in the world knows what sort of relationship the two of you have - at least you’ll have moments like these to yourself to savour.

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Hello! Really love your work! No worries if you don’t get to this one!

I was just wondering if you could do GP! Donna accidentally getting reader pregnant but thinking it can’t be hers. Accuses reader of cheating and yells at her to leave. Then a few years later hasn’t heard from reader at all since. Is forced to attend one of the village festivals with the lords and Miranda only to see reader also there in the crowd with a little kid that looks exactly like Donna.

Thanks! And have a nice day!

Yesss!!! Thank your for your support, and for your request!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! :))))

Years

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: G!P Donna, a bit of smut, Minors DNI, slightly dark themes, slightly dark Donna, jealousy, angst

Word count: 7,184

Summary: You just want her to understand...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours!!! I love you all!!! :))

Like most mornings, only the panting, the moans and the creaking of the old bed were your companions. It was a morning of passion, of love, one of many others.

Your life was already threatening to be dangerously boring. You were tired of the suitors your parents offered you. According to them, and many of their friends, you were the most beautiful girl in the village.

Nonsense in your opinion. What does being beautiful have to do with forcing you to marry an idiot?

In one of those interviews with a perfect boy for you, you escaped through a window comically, taking refuge in the forest, a bad idea, because a blizzard fell upon you without mercy. Luckily, you survived.

 Luckily you met the only person you truly loved, the Lord, the doll maker, Donna Beneviento.

She saved your life, offering you refuge in her old house. You, with no other options, accepted. Despite the fear the Lords and Mother Miranda generated in you, you had never had the opportunity to discover for yourself what one of them was like when it came to conversation, or maintaining any kind of contact. Sick, disturbed, monstrous... You had heard so many things and you didn’t know what to expect.

None of that seemed to coincide precisely with your opinion. Yes, she was an isolated, sick woman, whose body and face changed when she was adopted by Mother Miranda but... You could not avoid that, after just a conversation, many more came and suddenly you felt that you no longer wanted to return to your old home.

Love flooded your life, a sincere, authentic love, the one you had been looking for years. It could not go better. You didn’t want it to go better. After a year, your life was right where you wanted it to be.

And so, you let yourself be carried away by passion, letting Donna capture your lips while her hips danced along with her erection inside of you. You loved that burning passion, that desire to love and be loved.

“Faster, Donna,” you asked moaning; gripping the sheets tightly to vent yourself, to let out somewhere that pleasure you were feeling. She laughed pleased by your request and complied without wasting a second, grabbing your hips, moving your body.

But a strange dizziness interrupted that pleasurable morning sex session. Your face paled and the sensations caused by her thrusts suddenly became clouded. It was a subtle change and the brunette, of course, didn’t notice, losing that harmonious rhythm and growling after one last thrust, pulling out of you and covering your back with her release.

You both caught your breath, but Lady Beneviento's face told you she had indeed noticed that change.

“Hey, tesoro, are you okay?” the lady asked, leaning to your ear and looking at you with concern.

You got on your knees and nodded, kissing her slowly, thanking her for the pleasure you had felt.

“You, you haven't had an orgasm,” the brunette said, confused by your lack of movements, scared because she hadn't known how to please you as she thought she should.

“Oh, well, I'm, I'm a bit... Dizzy,” you said in a sincere tone, running a hand over her shoulder and getting out of bed. Donna looked at you strangely, gently grabbing your wrist.

“Did I hurt you?” she asked with a shining eye, disappointed. You smiled, rolled your eyes and shook your head.

“No, Donna, you didn't hurt me,” you said softly, approaching her again, kissing her to calm her fears. “You were great, as always,” you whispered, caressing her cheek and moving away again.

The lady nodded, obviously not entirely convinced by your words.

“I think I need a shower,” you sighed, stretching and grabbing some clothes.

“Can I go with you?” she asked, getting up with you and grabbing your waist.

You winked at her.

“Sure you can, honey.”

You thought some water cleaning the sweat off your body would be enough to clear your head, but that wasn't your day. The dizziness was still there. Maybe you were hungry.

“Donna, where are the chocolate muffins?” you asked, rummaging through the kitchen, already dressed and with supposedly renewed energy.

“In the top drawer,” the brunette answered, boiling coffee like every morning. You sighed, hands on your waist.

“Mm, no, this is empty,” you joked with a mischievous smile.

“No? Wow,” Donna murmured, taking a quick look.

“Well, nevermind. I was planning on going shopping in the village after breakfast,” you commented, closing the drawer and leaning on the counter.

The old coffee pot trembled in the Lord’s pale hands.

“Why?” she asked with a frown, breathing heavily. “Can't you wait for the Duke to come?”

Of course, you loved Donna, with all your soul, but you couldn't help that certain aspects of her personality bothered you. The jealousy and her possessive behavior were those things you hated, but endured.

“Donna, it's the chocolate muffins,” you said childishly, tilting your head with pleading eyes. “I can't wait for the fat guy to come and…” you stopped talking when dizziness shook your insides again.

“What's wrong, tesoro?” Donna asked, resting a hand on your shoulder with a worried face.

“Nothing, nothing,” you said, waving your hand, overwhelmed by overprotection. “I, I told you I'm a bit dizzy.”

“Maybe coffee isn't the best,” the brunette murmured, looking at the coffee pot while you fought against your stomach. “Shall I make you some tea?”

“Great, thanks, Donna,” you said gratefully, running a hand over your sweaty forehead. “See?, I need some fresh air.”

“(Y/N)…” she protested again, putting water to boil.

“I won't be long, I promise…”

After having breakfast and insisting to Donna to stop seeing the idea of ​​going out as something dangerous, you prepared to approach the village. The cold air calmed your dizziness, but that feeling of not wanting to hold anything in your stomach was still present. You just hoped you wouldn't run into your parents…

“(Y/N), I'm glad to see you,” Roberto the baker, said. He was one of your best childhood friends. He was kind, friendly, and very handsome, certainly. All the girls in the village were after him.

“Hi Rob, how are you?” you asked, leaning on the counter with a tired sigh. He smiled and shrugged.

“I can’t complain,” he said with that usual cheerfulness. You sighed again with a nostalgic smile. “Those muffins?”

“Bingo,” you said, putting a finger to your nose playfully as the young man picked up a bag of those precious sweets and placed them in front of you.

“Maybe you could take the recipe to Lady Beneviento. They said she’s a great cook,” your friend said, helping you put the muffins in a bag. You shook your head playfully, leaving some lei on the counter.

“No, no way,” you said with a sinister look, winking at him “If I do, I won't be able to come see you again.”

“Oh, no, these are on the house,” he said, rejecting your money, as almost always. You nodded amused with a wide smile.

“Th…” you said, before your stomach twisted again, almost making you lose your balance.

Roberto came out from the counter to quickly catch you before you fell to the floor, sitting you delicately on a chair.

“(Y/N), are you okay?” he asked worriedly, studying your paler than usual features. “Do you want a glass of water?”

“Okay, thanks,” you said, wiping the cold sweat off your neck.

You drank that water slowly, with your worried friend crouched in front of you.

“You don't look well,” the baker commented, studying your trembling. You, handing back the now empty glass, nodded your head in agreement.

“I guess I don’t…” you murmured, closing your eyes to relax. “I've been dizzy and exhausted for almost a month now.”

He nodded understandingly.

“I see,” he whispered, scratching the back of his neck.

“It's like everything I eat wants to come out suddenly, plus, I'm in a… Bad mood and I can't stop falling asleep during the day,” you explained in a calm voice. You knew that if Donna found out about your problems, she would turn into an overprotective psychopath, and that was the last thing you needed at that moment.

“Wow, you're a mess, huh?” he joked, giving you a nudge. You gave him a furious, but amused look.

“Yes, mess is the word,” you said in a hoarse whisper, shaking your head, noticing how little by little, the dizziness gave you a break again.

“It's funny, my wife got exactly the same when she was pregnant,” he commented indifferently, helping you to get up.

You froze, the dizziness returned to your stomach, but it was different. No, you hadn't thought about it, in no way you wanted to think that night when Donna hadn't been able to control herself had those consequences. It was something you ignored on purpose.

“Um, I... Thanks, Rob,” you said nervously, grabbing the bag and quickly leaving the bakery.

No, it couldn't be. It would be too much of a coincidence for a simple accident to lead to this. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be possible, right?

But Roberto was right and if you had stopped to think about the symptoms, maybe you would have been able to notice sooner. You definitely didn't want to notice. Scared by that remote possibility, you decided to spend the money you had left on a quick visit to the Duke. The test was cheap, what was always expensive was his silence.

You couldn't let Donna find out, especially if it turned out to be a false alarm.

“You took a while,” Donna commented, opening the door before you got close enough.

Not wanting to argue about her jealousy, you rolled your eyes with a calm smile.

“I've been talking to a friend,” you said. You were so nervous that you didn't even think it was a wrong answer, but you had bigger worries than an absurd fight of jealousy.

“A friend? What friend?” she asked, stopping your walk with a hand on your shoulder, turning your body slowly, with an inquisitive look.

You rolled your eyes and put on a cocky pose, blinking repeatedly in a mocking manner, rummaging through the bag of muffins.

“Donna, eat a muffin and shut up,” you said amused, taking one of the buns and pressing it against the brunette's mouth, who took it with a frown as you walked away from her.

“Wait, where are you going?” she said, comically with her mouth full.

“I'm going to the bathroom, do you want to come with me too?” you said a bit furious.

Donna shook her head and stood still, leaving you alone, fortunately.

“Did you bring something to me, silly?” that annoying doll Angie asked, jumping around you, delaying that important test.

“Yes, here, leave it in the kitchen,” you said, leaving the bag in the small arms of the puppet, who became unstable.

“Hey! Do you think I'm your servant?” Angie protested. Donna watched you from afar, in case the doll went too far with the insults again.

You sighed tired and overwhelmed by your symptoms, you turned around, giving the finger to the puppet, who backed away offended.

“Gods...” you sighed, when that test confirmed the suspicions you had been keeping away from. Yes, you were pregnant. You had to control your anxiety, your nerves, your desire to scream.

No, you were definitely not ready to be a mother. It was something you wanted to do, but not right then.

“Damn it, Donna, I told you to back off,” you said to yourself, remembering the night that had been this turning point in your life, and would be forever. “Oh, shit... What am I going to tell her?”

Of course, the idea of ​​starting a family was something foreign to your relationship. Donna never seemed to suggest something like that, or even mention it. Not knowing if she wanted to have children or not was a problem for you

How would she react? Should you really tell her?

The second question was absurd. It wouldn't do you any good to lie and avoid the conversation. It wouldn't take long for her to realize that a little Beneviento was growing in your belly.

You took some time to meditate on your options, to rehearse conversations that always went wrong. An unexpected change was the last thing you wanted, but after thinking about it for a few hours, the idea started to sound good in your head. The question was this: how would it sound in hers?

“Mm, hey, what is this?” you asked during dinner, your dizziness calm and your thoughts more organized.

You wanted conversation. You wanted the perfect occasion to communicate the news.

“Pasta cacio e pepe,” the lady in black answered, with a triumphant smile.

You looked at your plate and nodded in an amused manner.

“Sure, sure,” you joked, shrugging.

Donna laughed and shook her head, picking up the bottle of wine and tilting it over your glass, something you prevented by putting your hand on it.

“No, thank you,” you said in a soft voice.

“Don't you want some wine?” she asked with her eyebrow raised, but leaving the bottle back on the table, without insisting. You shook your head with a grimace of disgust.

“No, I don't feel like it,” you answered, dismissing it with a gesture of your hand.

“Water, then,” she said, picking up a jug and filling your glass with a tender smile.

She might have her flaws, but Donna was sweet, tender, romantic. Nothing could make you stop loving her, nothing.

“Thank you, darling,” you said in a mischievous whisper, raising your glass before drinking from it. The lady laughed again with a slight blush on her cheeks.

“I see you’re feeling better than this morning,” she commented, looking at you over her plate, bringing back to your mind what should be the main topic of that conversation.

You, having finished your delicious dinner, nodded, wiping yourself with your napkin.

“Yes, much better,” you murmured, hiding the trembling of your hands under the table. “You… How was your day?”

“What question is that?” the lady said, with an amused voice. “You have been with me almost all the time, well, you have slept with me almost all the time.”

“Yes, well, I was sleepy,” you said, shaking your head, letting the smile disappear from your face.

“You are so beautiful when you sleep…” she commented, with that tender, melodic voice, the one that made your heart beat faster.

But this time the tachycardia didn’t come from Lady Beneviento's compliments.

“More than when I am awake?” you asked in a dark voice, leaning over the table seductively.

Donna took a sip from her wine glass and put on a confused but amused expression.

“That's a difficult question, (Y/N),” she said in a whisper, caressing your trembling hand on the table and looking at you strangely.

“Can you two stop being cheesy for at least a second?” Angie protested, causing you to separate, thus blurring that perfect occasion for your confession. “How disgusting.”

“Angie…” you said annoyed, clenching your teeth.

“I'm going to pick this up,” Donna said, getting up from the table.

You couldn't let her go, you couldn't lie, hide the truth. She had to know, she was the love of your life.

“Wait, Donna,” you said, getting up hastily too, approaching her, who looked at you with an innocent smile. “I have, I have something to tell you.”

“I'm listening, (Y/N),” she murmured, nodding, studying your nervous tremors.

“I… Well, I… I, I don't know how to tell you but… Donna, I…” you stammered, being reassured by the brunette's hands, which took yours.

“Calm down, amore mio, you know you can tell me anything,” she said in a soft voice, without showing a single sign of concern. That was what you were looking for. There couldn't be a better time.

“I just don't, I don't know how… How…” you said trembling, comforted by a warm hug.

Your lips trembled and your body seemed to want to faint.

“Shhh, relax, I'm here with you,” she whispered, gently rocking your body.

It was now or never.

“Donna, I'm pregnant,” you said, squeezing your eyes tightly.

Silence was the worst answer.

“What?” the lady asked, pulling away from your embrace with a frightened look, shaking her head. “No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am,” you said, searching for the test in your pocket and handing it to her slowly.

She snatched it from you abruptly, breathing heavily and looking at the result over and over again with a sinister smile.

“Is this some kind of a joke?” she asked annoyed, giving you back the test. You trembled, tears beginning to moisten your eyes.

“How can I joke about this?” you asked ironically.

She shook her head, her gaze fixed on the floor, blinking erratically and confused.

“No, no, it can't be…” she murmured, passing a hand over her forehead, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Of course it can be,” you said, a bit desperate, cupping her face in your hands so she could look at your eyes, so she could hear the truth of your words. “Donna, we’re, we're going to have a baby.”

“No, no, that, that's not true,” she said nervously, with a sinister look. “You're, you're talking nonsense.”

“It's not nonsense,” you said in a low voice, with a tear running down your cheek, not believing that so unlike her reaction. “The test doesn't lie, honey.”

“And you? Do you lie, (Y/N)?” she asked abruptly, grabbing your shoulders tightly, digging her nails into your clothes.

“What? Of course I don’t!” you shrieked, breaking free from her grip. “Stop, you're hurting me.”

“Are you asking me to stop? How dare you show up with that test and make me believe that I've gotten you pregnant?” she asked, with darkness in her gaze, with rage in her red eye, shining with a tear that ran down her pale face.

“For Gods’ sake, Donna, are you not able to understand?” you said desperately, trying to reason with the lady, without success, as her movements were increasingly nervous. “It's yours.”

“No, it's not mine,” she denied, with a voice that matched her gaze. “It can't be mine.”

“No?” you asked nervously, with a cold sweat running down your neck.

“It's not mine!” she shouted furiously, destroying the test with her hands, kicking the floor in anger.

“Of course it's yours! Have you gone crazy?” you said nervously and scared.

“What do you intend, (Y/N)? Do you want to make me believe that the fruit of your deception is mine? How dare you…” she hissed, grabbing you by the collar of your dress.

“What deception? Let, let me go,” you protested, grabbing her wrists so they wouldn't put pressure on your neck. “I, I don't know what you're talking about.”

Her face changed from anger to a sardonic smile, not lodging her grip on your clothes.

“Now I understand… That's why you go to the village so much, right? To fuck your lover…” Donna said with a broken, sinister voice, shaking you roughly.

“No, no…” you said, with serious difficulties to be able to speak clearly, horrified by her reaction. “Don’t, don't say that, you, you're the only person with whom…”

“Taci!” she shrieked, coming closer, with a threatening posture, with that eye shining angrily.

“Can’t you understand it? There is no lover, the baby is yours,” you said, grabbing her wrists when her hands finally let your dress go.

“It's not mine,” she growled angrily, clenching her fists on either side of her hips. “I always finish out of you…”

“That's not true,” you said, gaining a bit of firmness, changing your innocent voice. “Do you remember the night of the candles?”

“It was an accident,” she said, in her defense, without the hatred leaving her voice.

“You are… Ugh!” you protested, jumping angrily on the floor. “Are you so fucking crazy that you won't even admit that it was your fault? You didn't want to get away, Donna, you were out of control!” you accused the brunette.

You never blamed her for that, but at that moment the rage spoke for you.

She shook her head unpleasantly, with an expression of disgust, of hatred, hatred towards you.

“You're not going to cheat on me, (Y/N),” she hissed in a dark voice. “That child is not mine, and you know it.”

“It's yours, you freaking nutcase!” you screamed angrily, making your words bounce off the walls.

“Insult me ​​again, come on…” she whispered threateningly, grabbing you again by the collar of your dress, with her knuckles white from the pressure. You, already deep in tears, shook your head. “I shouldn't be surprised about you treating me like this. You were able to cheat on me, after all.”

“I didn't cheat on you!” you screamed among sobs, fighting against her grip, which threatened to tear your clothes. “Donna, I love you.”

“Liar!” she screamed furiously. “You've never loved me…”

“Donna, please…” you begged, at your lowest point. “It's your baby, our baby, you, you can't…”

“You've cheated on me, (Y/N), you've betrayed me…” she whispered, loosening the strength of her hand, with tears slowly running down her cheek.

“Donna, no, please, listen to me…” you said again, with your voice already broken, broken by crying. “It's your baby. It's your child, my love… I've always been loyal to you, always… Please, come to your senses, darling, please…”

“Shut up,” she interrupted you, shaking you roughly. “Sei una cagna”

Desperation made you growl, break free from the brunette's grip with a furious gasp and, with all your strength, slap the lady hard, who looked away due to the blow.

“You hit my Donna, you bitch!” Angie protested, hitting your shins. You were not paying attention to her.

The lady in black remained motionless, with one hand where yours had hit, with a serene gaze and nervous breathing, looking at you darkly.

“Gods, I'm, I'm sorry, Donna, I…” you said, regretful for your anger, for the slap you had given to the one you said was the love of your life. “For, forgive me, I didn't mean to…”

“Get out of my house,” she whispered, without looking you in the eyes, ignoring your attempts to grab her shoulders. You looked at her horrified.

“What? No…” you said in a soft, incredulous tone, shaking your head, broken from pain.

“I said…” Donna hissed, pushing you unpleasantly, almost making you lose your balance. “…Get out of my house.”

“You can't do this to me,” you sobbed, shaking your head. “Donna, please… You can't throw me out with your baby in my belly.”

“That's not my baby!” she shouted, with a psychotic look that made you back away. “I don't want to see you ever again. I want you to disappear from my life… You and that bastard.”

“Donna, please…” you begged, putting your hands together.

“Porca puttana! Get out! Get out, get out!” she yelled completely enraged, hitting the table, the chairs, roaring angrily. “Get out!”

Scared, unable to reason with her, you decided to run out of the estate, crying inconsolably, fleeing from what was your house, your home. You loved Donna, you really did, but you couldn't make her understand the reality. If you stayed, you could suffer a horrible fate, just like your baby.

It was the last time you saw her.

4 years later…

“What about the little bear? What does he prefer, honey or flowers?” you asked tenderly while bathing a little girl.

“Mm,” the girl said, with a hand on her chin, looking at the ceiling to better think about her answer. “Honey!”

“Honey? Wow, he's quite a glutton,” you said amused, washing the girl's black hair, an unmistakable one.

“But he doesn't eat sweets until he's finished his vegetables,” the girl said, jumping up and down in the tub. You looked at her proudly, rinsing her hair.

“Wow, what a polite bear…” you joked, picking up your daughter in your arms and wrapping her in a towel.

“Yes,” little Katia said, bringing her hand to her mouth, a hand you moved away so you could see her face better, a pale face, bright eyes, unmistakable features.

Four years after that argument, after Donna kicked you out of her house on the pretext that you had cheated on her, there you were, with your daughter, little Katia, at your parents' house.

You hadn't heard from the lady in black, and you didn't want to either. Even after all that time, you still loved her, you would always love her. And the situation couldn't be worse, because her daughter, her damn daughter, was like a living portrait of Lady Beneviento. She was identical to her: her hair, her face, even her smile.

How could you stop thinking about Donna if you had a little one living with you? How could she think that you had cheated on her? If only she had trusted you... She could have seen for herself how wrong she was.

At least your parents took you in, helped you with the pregnancy and didn't ask questions, because they knew the answer. Katia's birth was a source of joy for your family but, as the girl grew, the pressure on your shoulders did too.

“Mom…” the little girl murmured, protesting the tugging on her hair when you were combing it.

“What, honey?”

“Grandpa says I don't have a father…” the girl commented, causing you to clench your teeth.

“Grandpa says a lot of nonsense,” you said, sighing, tying your daughter's black hair into a small ponytail, highlighting her resemblance to the lady in black.

“So… I have a father?” she asked innocently. You closed your eyes, preventing the tears from reminding you of that horrible night.

“Well, not exactly, honey, you have another mother,” you explained, not wanting to hide the truth from little Katia. She would eventually find out, she was a very smart girl for being so young.

“Have I? That's great, and where is she?” Katia said excitedly, jumping with joy on the floor of the small bathroom.

“You know what? I think it's not the time to talk about these things... Do you smell that?” you said, diverting the conversation and pretending to smell something in an exaggerated way.

“Mmm, Grandma's stew!” she shouted happily, exiting the bathroom with a clumsy step.

“Run, honey, or Grandpa will eat it all,” you said amused, taking some time to wipe your tears before facing a tense dinner with your parents, another one.

“Well?” your father said, eating dinner almost in silence.

You looked up, narrowing your eyes.

“Have you found a boy to marry?” the man asked, sipping wine disinterestedly.

“Igor…” your mother sighed, helping her granddaughter to eat her delicious soup.

“Stop defending her, Oksana, that girl needs a father,” the man protested, glancing sideways at his granddaughter, who was playing quietly with her grandmother.

“She has a mother,” you murmured, playing with the spoon on your plate, nervous about the accusations of your father, who laughed mockingly.

“Don't make me laugh…” he said, rolling his eyes. “Those are the values ​​I've taught you, (Y/N)?”

“Igor,” your mother protested again, tired of her husband's attitude towards you.

You had a lot to thank your mother for.

“Sure, I guess I should let my daughter be impregnated by a Lord and then we have to take care of it, right?” your father said unpleasantly.

“Enough!” your mother shouted, her hands shaking, scaring poor Katia, who politely remained silent. “Don’t talk like that in front of the girl.”

Your father laughed, shaking his head.

“You were always too naive, (Y/N),” the man murmured. “Look, the concubine of nutcase Beneviento, your life is awesome.”

“Shut up!” you shouted, hitting the table with your fists. “You have no idea, father…”

“Enough, both of you,” your mother intervened. “You should be ashamed, what an example you set for Katia.”

“Tell it to him, mother,” you said, drinking a glass of water.

“I'm just telling you, (Y/N), that I'm not going to let my daughter to be a single mother, so you better get used to the idea of ​​getting married,” he said, in a softer tone, reassuring Katia with a caress on her cheek.

“I'm not going to do it,” you said in a childish way, staying faithful, always faithful to Donna.

“Can't we have a quiet dinner for once?” the woman said, shaking her head, sighing desperately.

“Tell it to him”

“Tell it to her”

“You're like children...” the woman murmured, wiping your daughter's face. Katia looked at you expectantly. Fortunately, she didn't seem to understand anything.

“Today is the harvest festival in the village,” she said, changing her expression, trying to ignore those eternal discussions.

“Festival...” your father said, amused, looking away from you.

“Why don't you take Katia? I'm sure she'll have fun,” your mother said.

You sighed, thinking about the idea, and nodded. Anywhere was better than being in that house.

“Yes, good idea.”

“Yes, yes!” your daughter said, being picked up by you.

“Give a kiss to them and get your coat,” you said, giving one last furious look to your father, who conveyed disappointment with his dark eyes.

Luckily, the cool night air cleared your mind. The harvest festival was a party, one of the few in that village, of course, to thank the Black Gods for their eternal mercy.

“I see little Katia is excited,” your friend Roberto commented, walking next to you and his daughters, who were playing with yours.

“This is much better than her grandfather giving moral lessons to her,” you said, joking. Your friend laughed amused.

“I guess so,” he commented, as the people of the village walked quickly towards the square. “Oh, wow, it's Mother Miranda's speech.”

“How exciting,” you said disinterestedly.

You weren't stupid. You knew who would be there with the priestess. You had been running away from her for four years, you didn't want to falter, you didn't want to see her, because you would throw yourself into her arms.

“We'll wait for you by the pancakes store.”

“Come on, mom, let's go see the bird woman,” your daughter said, taking your hand and pulling you towards the crowd.

“I think Katia doesn't feel like staying here…” your friend said, amused.

“Yes, it seems that way…” you sighed, controlling the speed of your daughter, who ran excitedly towards the middle of the square. “Hey, hey, here, stay here.”

“But mom…” the girl protested. “I can't see anything here.”

“Come on, I'll carry you up,” you said, picking up the girl and putting her on your shoulders.

Well, Katia could see and you would go unnoticed. It seemed like a good plan until a drunk villager tripped over you, forcing you to move one row ahead, to be completely exposed.

“Watch out, idiot,” you muttered, looking ahead to check that your suspicions were true.

“Look mom: it's Mother Miranda… How pretty she is…” the girl sighed, pointing indiscreetly at the four Lords, who remained seated behind the priestess.

“Honey, don't point your finger that way,” you said nervously when your eyes met Donna Beneviento's veiled face, making your heart almost stop. “Donna...”

Luckily, she didn't seem to see you, she seemed distracted controlling the nervous Angie.

Miranda gave her speech, a very boring one, which didn't interest you. Your eyes wandered to the lady in black, your mind wandered to all the happy memories, those memories truncated by her insecurities.

But you weren't the most subtle girl in the village either. The lady's head turned quickly to you. You couldn't see it, but you knew she was looking at you, you knew it. You could feel how her gaze stabbed your heart.

Her impression was so strong that she even got up from the chair, stopped by her sister, Lady Dimitrescu.

“Honey, come on, let's go home, huh?” you said nervously, turning around and avoiding people. You had seen her, she had seen you.

“But, mom!” the girl protested, twisting on your shoulders. You, growling at her disobedience, lowered her to the ground with a strict mother's face.

“Don't protest, Katia, obey,” you said nervously, looking around constantly. “We're going to say goodbye to Roberto, okay?”

The girl growled but obeyed with her arms crossed.

Your nerves were on edge and the feeling of overwhelm penetrated your movements. You wanted to get out of there.

“Why don't you come to my house tomorrow? We're going to have a barbecue,” your friend said, after giving you a goodbye hug.

“Is Irina cooking?” you asked amused, not realizing that your daughter had let your hand go.

“Gods, no,” he answered. “Run, she's getting away from you,” he said, pointing at your daughter, who was running behind some bushes.

“Damn it... See you,” you said hurriedly, running after your daughter, who had gotten lost in the darkness. “Katia! Come back here!”

You chased the girl through those bushes, and when you didn't find her, you started to get very nervous.

“Katia!” you shouted scared, desperate. “Katia!”

“Why honey?” a shrill voice asked, near a clearing dimly lit by a streetlight.

You, scared, followed that voice.

“Because mom says that bears like honey,” your daughter's voice soothed you, making you close your eyes.

“Is that what your mom says?” the strange voice asked, one you didn't take long to recognize, Angie.

“Yes, my mom knows a lot of things. She's very smart, and very good,” Katia said, sitting on the ground next to the doll.

“Katia, Gods…” you interrupted, lifting your daughter.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” the doll said, with a mocking tone. You narrowed your eyes and hugged your daughter tightly.

“Don't go close to her, Angie,” you threatened, stepping back.

“Is this how you greet me after all this time? How rude,” the doll protested, moving comically making your daughter laugh in your arms.

“Come on, Katia,” you said nervously, turning around to leave that place as quickly as possible.

“I want to play with Angie, mom,” the girl said, moving until you had no choice but to drop her to the ground, running towards the puppet.

“No, wait,” you said nervously, scared.

“(Y/N),” a dark voice sounded behind you, a melodic, soft voice, that made you freeze in place and turn slowly. Donna. “It's been a long time.”

“Donna,” you sighed, upset by her presence, with your heart screaming for you to kiss her. You couldn't do it, she threw you out, she rejected you, she rejected her baby.

“I've been trying to talk to you for four years,” she said, getting a little closer while you, out of the corner of your eye, watched as Angie played with your daughter innocently.

“Haven't you thought that maybe I don't want to talk to you? Katia, come on,” you said furiously, with accumulated resentment, but without any change in your feelings. With a quick movement, you grabbed your daughter and tried to run away, but it was impossible.

“Wait, please…” the lady said, stopping you again. She didn't need to cast a spell on you, to make you hallucinate. No, just her voice was enough to make your body behave that way.

“Hello,” your daughter said, looking curiously at the lady, who looked at her, breathing with difficulty. “What's your name?”

“Katia,” you protested at the girl's innocent attitude.

“My, my name is Donna,” the doll maker said, with a broken voice, almost in a whisper.

“Hello, Donna, my name is Katia,” your daughter said, extending her small hand towards her, who shook it gently, her chest heaving. “You wear very strange clothes.”

“Katia,” you said, interrupting your daughter again

After four years, you could hear that shy laugh again, the sweet and addictive laugh of Donna Beneviento.

“I'm in a hurry, Donna,” you said passively, trying to run away again.

“She, she looks like me…” the lady in black commented, in a desperate attempt to stop you again. You nodded without her seeing you, suppressing a sob.

“She looks just like you,” you said in a low voice, turning slowly again.

“So, this, this girl is…” she stammered, putting a hand under her veil to cover her mouth in shock. “She's my daughter…”

“You realize now, right? Four years after kicking me out of your house,” you said, letting the resentment speak for you again.

“(Y/N), I…” she murmured, reaching out to touch you, something you stopped with a furious gasp.

“Don't come closer, Donna,” you said through clenched teeth, with your daughter looking at you confused, lowering herself to the ground. “Stand behind me, Katia.”

The girl obeyed, scared, poking her head out from your dress.

“I, I already knew it before, but, when I saw her, I…” the lady murmured, approaching you again, making you back away.

“Did you know? You accused me of having deceived you, you said that baby wasn't yours,” you growled furiously.

“I, I know… I, I wasn't thinking clearly, I…”

“You've never thought clearly,” you hissed, your eyes shining with your tears.

“Lady Donna, are you my mother?” the girl asked timidly.

You closed your eyes, passing a hand over your forehead and sighing.

It was inevitable, you were at a dead end and your principles could not be lost in resentment. When you held little Katia in your arms for the first time, you swore to never lie to her.

“Yes, honey, she is your mother,” you whispered, looking at the lady in black, who shifted in place as the girl came out from behind your legs, walking slowly towards her.

Donna crouched down to be at the little girl's level, looking up at you, as if she were asking for your permission.

You nodded, letting a tear run down your cheek.

“Hi, mommy,” the little girl said, greeting the lady innocently, scared by that black veil.

“Hi, tesoro,” answered Donna, extending her hand towards her, which the girl took hesitantly. “Can I give you a hug?”

The girl nodded with her other hand on her mouth, as she always did when she got nervous. But, without thinking, she threw herself into the arms of the brunette, who lifted her in the air, sobbing, holding her tightly against her chest.

“Uhg, take that off, you're going to give her nightmares,” you said resignedly, walking towards Donna and taking her black veil, revealing her face to the girl who looked at it in surprise.

Curious, the girl, in her mother's arms, moved her hands to Donna’s face, caressing it innocently, running her hands over her scar.

Donna's smile was... It was the most beautiful and sincere one you had ever seen.

“You have black hair, like me,” the amused little girl said, excited to meet her mother, to meet her after those horrible four years. The little girl's tenderness took its toll on your body, which squeezed the black veil tightly.

“Yes,” said Donna, fixing the little girl's hair, observing each of her features. “Che bella sei, mm?”

“Mommy speaks weird,” Katia said with a frown.

You, with a fearful step, approached a little closer.

“It's not weird, Katia, it's Italian,” you explained, rubbing the back of your daughter, who seemed very comfortable with Donna, too comfortable.

“Wow…” she said, impressed, as always, by everything.

“Do you want to learn, tesoro? I can teach you,” the lady in black said, without losing that smile.

“Yes, yes,” the toddler said with an excited smile.

The lady's expression faded with an air of sadness, lowering her back to the ground.

“Well, I guess that won't be possible,” she murmured with a sob, unable to look you in the eyes. “Thank you, (Y/N), for letting me to meet her.”

You shook your head, your throat sore from your repressed crying.

“Why do you make everything so difficult, Donna?” you asked, handing her back the black cloth, which she slowly picked up.

“Calm down, (Y/N), I, I don't expect you to forgive me, I know you don't, I can't be forgiven,” she said.

“Uhhh, come Katia, before they do something cheesy again,” Angie said, pulling your daughter away from you. “Do you like rock paper scissors?”

“Yes, I play with Grandpa!” the girl shouted, following the puppet.

You sighed, not trusting Angie, as was logical.

“You kicked me out of your house, Donna. You accused me of having cheated on you. You left me alone while I was pregnant with your daughter. You're right, you have no forgiveness,” you said, crossing your arms, keeping your composure.

“I know… I, I don't want to annoy you, I just…” she stammered, with her face broken by regret. “I just, I just want to be able to, to be able to see my daughter from time to time, that's all I ask. If, if the other person agrees.”

“What? What other person?” you asked confused, with a mocking laugh.

“I'm not stupid, (Y/N), I know, there's surely someone in your life who, who deserves your love much more than me,” Donna said, lowering her head, sobbing nervously.

“There's no one in my life, Donna,” you said in a serious voice. The lady opened her mouth to say something, but didn't, letting you speak. “You still don't understand, do you? There has never been, there will never be anyone in my life other than you.”

“But, but, (Y/N)… You, you can't keep loving me. Not after what I did to you,” she said, revealing your own confession, the truth that still lived in your heart.

“That's your problem, Donna. You take too many things for granted,” you sighed, fixing your hair.

“I still love you,” she said quietly, slowly approaching, taking one of your hands in hers by surprise. You allowed it. “If I could change things, make it so you had never left, I would…”

You couldn't take it anymore, you had to do it. Your body moved, your hands caressed her cheek while your lips landed on hers slowly at first, desperately later.

“(Y/N)…” she sighed, painfully moving away from you.

“No matter how hard I try, I can't stop loving you,” you sighed, resting your head on her chest, letting her trembling arms hold you close to her.

“I’m begging you, amore mio, come back to me, please…I , I can't live without you…” she sobbed, hugging you desperately, almost hurting you. “Please, let's be a family, the three of us, please…”

“A family…”you sighed, sinking into the black fabric of her dress, into her lavender perfume. “Sounds, sounds good, doesn't it?”

“Mom…” a childish voice interrupted your hug. Katia tugged curiously at your dress. “I'm cold, shall we go home?”

You and Donna looked at the girl and then at each other, kissing passionately for a brief moment, finding forgiveness, reconciliation, hope that you had fixed what seemed broken.

“Yes, honey, let's go home, the four of us...”

[yuquinzel]

— crush culture.

feat. itoshi rin. fluff !! i love rin. maybe inspired by a tiktok. itoshi rin definitely has a crush on you.

“do you think i have a tell for when i lie?” you question, eyes absently trailing off deep in your thoughts. isagi hums from beside you, flicking his gaze to you in seconds as he ponders your words. “yeah, you definitely do. I can tell when you’re lying so easily.”

“wait, what is it? what’s my tell?”

“you avoid eye contact when you’re lying, I’ve noticed that like, everytime you say you ‘forgot’ to bring your homework.” he laughs, you gasp.

“no fucking way,” you breathe a sigh of utter disbelief, brows knitting together.

“yeah, you do that when we ask you about rin-chan too!” bachira joins in, and suddenly all pairs of eyes on the table are set on him— including your widened and hesitant ones.

“oh my god, totally. she just refuses to look at you if you ask her anything about him.” you don’t like the teasing undertone to reo’s words, the way everyone is narrowing their eyes at you with mischief flashing in their gazes.

it makes you shrink in your seat a little, “what’s that supposed to mean...”

“YOU DID IT AGAIN!”

“SHUT UP I DID NOT!”

truthfully, you’re aware you can’t maintain eye contact with anyone when you’re directly asked about the nature of your relationship with rin. you can’t look at your friends in the eye and say that “no, i only think of him as friend.”

“YOU’RE TOTALLY AVOIDING OUR EYES RIGHT NOW!”

“BECAUSE YOU’RE ANNOYING ME!”

you expect reo to retort, say something that’s definitely meant to annoy you even further. but he goes quiet instead, eyes trailing off and resting somewhere behind you. you follow his gaze, and surprise! surprise!— it lands on none other than the subject of your ordeal.

all eyes turn to him as he makes his way towards your table— he’s actually on his way past it, but you stop him just before he can pass you by. “where are you going?” you say, the answer already echoing in your mind.

you feel reo’s overly excited gaze on you at your laughable attempt to start a conversation with rin— there it goes, all your attempts to refute the supposed allegations of your crush on him.

“...to my desk.” he gestures towards his spot, a charming calmness to his words and a softer look in his eyes as he talks to you. it doesn’t go unnoticed by your friends, and someone coos in the distance.

“oh,” you say, a little hesitantly. “just sit here... with us.” with me. you leave that part out.

rin ponders your words, looking back and forth between you and his table. you almost regret saying anything when he doesn’t reply. but then he takes a seat beside you, which, truthfully— is a surprise to no one because there are plenty of empty seats on the table.

which prompts the question from everyone, their eyes brimming with a hunger for teenage romance, any sparks of it lighting up their eyes like fireworks.

“rin-chan, you totally have a crush on y/n! don’t you?” bachira asks, risking his life for an answer everyone wants.

you are left gaping at your friends like an idiot, dumbfounded as you struggle to form words. you see rin stiffen in his spot, followed by his immediate denials. “what? no. no, i don’t. don’t just casually say shit like that.”

“oh my god, his ears are red!” reo laughs.

“HEY THAT’S HIS TELL FOR WHEN HE’S LYING!” bachira’s voice makes you snap your head to turn to rin again, a shade of deep maroon blooming on his ears, extending to his cheeks as well.

immediately, rin is covering his ears, “shut the fuck up! i have no tell for lying.” followed by empty threats and more coos from your friends.

but all you can really see is the glow of warm hues setting in further into his skin, and his attempts to hide his ears even more when he catches you looking at him.

© yuquinzel2023 [ plagiarism is a violation of moral rights ! ]

me posting my drafts when i’m on hiatus :’)

[yunwangja]

undercurrents | signal no. 12

masterlist | next signal

you turn your phone off and place it on the coffee table, feeling a surge of determination as you lock eyes with your friends, daring them to challenge you. their teasing had pushed you to this point, and now you were ready to prove them wrong. your gaze shifts to kuroo, who is laughing with bokuto about some ridiculous inside joke.

"i’m telling you, bo, the way you fumbled that last play was classic. i thought you were going to fall flat on your face!" kuroo's laughter is infectious, and you can't help but let the sound wash over you, even as you try to focus on your own turmoil.

you don’t like kuroo. you don’t like him like that. you don’t. and even if you did, you can’t. feelings for someone, in your experience, only lead to disaster. you weren’t cut out for it—the heartache, the vulnerability. it wasn’t that you thought kuroo was a bad person; it was that you were the problem. being an observer, an admirer from afar, was safer. there were no expectations, no risks, and no pain that way. it was how you’d kept yourself from getting hurt again.

bokuto excuses himself, spotting noya and bounding over to join him in a loud debate about who was better at a certain game you’d all played earlier. with bokuto gone, kuroo turns his attention back to you, a playful smile on his lips as he scoots a bit closer, draping an arm over the back of the couch.

"why are your eyebrows furrowed?" he asks, feigning concern. "still pissed off that i beat you at mario kart?"

you roll your eyes, a playful retort on the tip of your tongue. "no, your victory is stupid," you grumble, but your tone lacks any real bite. your gaze drifts around the room, landing on tooru, who is currently engaged in a petty bet with osamu over some trivial matter. your eyes linger on him as you remember the conversation with your friends, the one that led you here.

kuroo follows your gaze, his expression softening when he sees tooru. "do you want to talk to him?" he asks, leaning in teasingly, a smile tugging at his lips. "honestly, you’ve been doing better at keeping up a conversation with him lately."

you shake your head slightly, your eyes still fixed on tooru. "uh… maybe." you finally look back at kuroo, uncertainty swirling in your chest. "i don’t know," you murmur, reaching for a nacho from the coffee table, using it as a distraction.

kuroo’s smirk deepens. "come on. just tell me. what do you want?" he prompts gently, his tone encouraging. "i can give you a hand."

you hesitate, looking down before meeting his gaze again. the weight of your own confusion presses down on you, making it hard to find the right words. kuroo waits patiently, his expression open, urging you to continue. "go on," he says softly.

"i…" you glance at tooru once more, feeling the knot in your stomach tighten. "can i… ask him out?"

the words tumble out before you can fully think them through. but isn’t that what you’re actually trying to do? this was the simplest way to tell him. besides, how can you explain to him that you wanted to remind yourself that you liked tooru, and having feelings for him was absolutely impossible?

kuroo freezes, the shock flickering across his face. this wasn’t what he expected to hear from you, not after you’d sworn you wouldn’t act on your ‘harmless’ feelings for tooru. he recovers quickly, masking his reaction with a neutral expression as he looks between you and tooru. "wow," he finally says, scratching the back of his head.

"i mean… i told you from the get-go, y/n," he forces a small smile. "you can."

"i can ask him… right now, right?" you ask, the nerves creeping into your voice. kuroo nods, maintaining his smirk even as it feels like it’s cracking. "of course. i’m curious to see how you’ll do."

"yeah… okay…" you mutter, your heart pounding in your chest.

you’re scared. maybe you didn’t have to go this far, but you feel like you need to. deep down, you know you’re confused, lost in the swirling emotions that have been building up inside you. maybe, just maybe, spending time with tooru will give the answers you needed.

but a part of you insists. you have to still like tooru. you have to like him. you have to at least do this, even if he says no and you end up embarrassing yourself. you have to keep this act up, even if your friends’ suspicions turn out to be true. you have to be the girl who never crosses the line, who never lets herself get too close. for everyone’s sake. for your own.

you slowly stand up, your legs feeling heavy as you make your way over to tooru, who is still caught up in his conversation with osamu. as you leave, you don’t notice kuroo’s smile fading, his eyes darkening with an emotion he can’t quite name. he watches you walk away, a deep sense of loss settling in his chest, but he stays silent, letting you go.

here goes nothing.

notes

kuroo just wanted to have yn all to herself man :'( poor baby

POOR BABY

yn not doing the dolphin noises ritual with noya is BIG DEAL. that says a lot

if you were one of the people who have already read this last time... no you didnt <3 ugh

IM REALLY SORRY FOR THAT !! I HATE IT SO MUCH BECAUSE I LOVVED THIS SIGNAL AND I HATE I SPOILED IT IN ADVANCE

taglist: @lvtilzs @rarararararq @iamfontenlos @kurooswifeyy @secretsunsetsociety @kagsnumnine @yumiecheesecrackers @tojirin @jaynawayna @noxva08 @zahrawr-writes-fanfics @urslytherin @mawenskiblue @smellysluna @cccccccccccleo @winniethepooh-lover@akirqx @cupidsblonde

[syluscore]

I abso-fuckin-lutely loved In the Middle! Like, it was chefs kiss.

I would like to request somethin similar to that if you don't mind. It's like a Leon x Ada x fem! reader. I know I'm a genius, right?

Also, I frickin love you're work like it's more than chefs kiss, it's total perfection😍😍😍

Fine Line

~Leon Kennedy x fem! Reader x Ada Wong~

Word count: 6239

Content warnings: fluff, angst, smut, sexual content, MFF threesome, established relationship, they're both with reader but not each other, confessions of feelings, kissing, sub reader, dom leon, dom ada, breeding kink, mommy kink, mentions of impregnating reader, minor arguing, p in v sex, unprotected sex, multiple creampies, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, strap on, pussy eating, oral (f recieving), squirting for first time, praising

Thanks for your patience anon <3

!!!!!MINORS DNI! THIS BLOG AND POST ARE 18+ ONLY!!!!!

It’s already three am when you’re finally returning home from a work trip. It was only supposed to last a weekend, but due to your boss’s fuck up, it lasted over two god forsaken weeks. 

You figure everyone will be asleep considering it’s so late, so you quietly let yourself in the back door and lock up behind you. 

You’re silently unlacing your boots when you hear voices coming from the kitchen. Your hands instantly freeze up as you try to hear who is up at this hour. 

You’re too far away to make out anything, so you finish unlacing your boots, quietly setting them down and tiptoeing towards the kitchen.

You sit quietly in the dark dining room. You’re barely breathing in your attempt to remain hidden. You don’t know why you have the urge to eavesdrop, but here you are being suspicious as hell. 

You hear a loud sigh. “How long have you felt this way?” You recognize Leon’s voice immediately. 

You can tell already this is a heavy conversation. Usually the house was filled with laughter and teasing and happiness, but tonight it was darker. 

“Since the day I met her, probably.” 

So it’s Ada and Leon talking. Your two roommates and best friends.

Leon huffs out a laugh and you’re not sure what to make of their tone. Who are they talking about? How are they feeling? What’s going on?

“How’d we manage to both catch feelings for our roommate? What’s wrong with us?” 

Your heart drops and feels like it might fall out of your ass. They’re talking about you? They have feelings for you? Both of them?

Feelings of guilt start to creep in without permission. Are you going to come between their friendship? What if they ask you to choose? Please don’t make you choose, please.

You’d never forgive yourself. You could turn around now and pretend you never heard anything. Maybe they’d drop it and never bring the subject up to you. All three of you could repress your feelings in peace.

You know it’d be fucking painful, but it could be worth it to preserve the friendships you’ve fought to maintain over the years. 

“I don’t know. I think it’s just her.” 

“What, how she’s absolutely perfect in every sense of the word? She doesn’t even have to try to get me wrapped around her finger. She says jump, I say how high. Makes me feel like a fucking schoolboy.” 

Ada laughs at Leon’s explanation and you can’t hold back your smile. 

“That about sums it up.” Ada agrees with him.

They think you’re perfect? No one knows you better than they do and they still believe that load of shit? Maybe they really are in over their heads. Leon, you can see being a hopelessly devoted lover. But you never thought you’d see the day Ada was in just as deep. And all for the same girl who’s never viewed herself as anything more than mediocre at best? It’s a hard thought to process, that’s for sure. 

“Did you ever plan on telling her? I’ve wanted to so many times, but I’ve always chickened out.” 

“Oh Leon. It’s more complicated than boy meets girl and pursues her. That’s a given basically; it’s what’s expected. But I’m a woman who doesn’t even know if she’s into women.” Ada takes a long swig of her drink and lets out a heavy sigh. 

Leon hums as he ponders Ada’s words. 

Ada’s been pining over you even though there’s a chance you might be straight? She still admired you so much to catch feelings regardless. 

It just adds to that gross guilty feeling growing inside of you.

You’d never intentionally been evasive about expressing your sexuality. You’ve always thought your sexuality and gender expression was just fluid, not wanting to put yourself into a box. Labels made things official and you’ve always been noncommittal. And somehow that has leaked over into how you identify as well.

What do these idiots see in you? 

“Maybe she’s not into men and I’m shit out of luck. If she isn’t open about it, maybe it’s because she doesn’t identify with the norm?” Leon’s voice is shaky, almost as if he’s nervous. Is he nervous? God, you wish you could comfort him and tell him everything is your fault and not his. He always blames himself, always. 

They sit in silence for a minute. It’s not an awkward silence. They’re expressing their feelings and helping each other process, so it’s a respectful silence as they try to correlate together the best words. 

Leon speaks up again, “I don’t want to come between you two. You should pursue her and I’ll back off.” 

“Don’t do that to yourself, Leon. Don’t sell yourself short like that.” 

“What are the chances she’s into both of us?” Leon speaks before he thinks, “I mean, obviously everyone would have to agree to that and I’m just spitballing ideas here-“

Ada cuts him off, “Maybe she could be. It’s not like she’s expressed her desire for a strictly monogamous relationship either.” 

Leon’s voice is so quiet you barely hear it, “Do you love her?”

His voice is so vulnerable and it feels as if that alone has split your heart in half. Is he hurting over this? How long has he been hurting?

“I do.” Ada states without hesitation. She’s so sure of her feelings for you. A single tear streaks down your cheek as the emotional turmoil tears you apart inside. 

“I think I do too.” 

You have to cover your mouth with both hands to fight back any sounds. Your body aches with the need to sob, but you won’t allow yourself to. No, you have to be strong for both of them.

“What are the chances one of us gets our heart broken?” Leon’s voice is still so small. 

“There’s always a chance. But if you love her as you say you do, you must believe the risk is worth it? For the chance that your love will be reciprocated?” 

“Fuck. She could break my heart a thousand times and I’d probably ask her to do it again.” 

They both burst out laughing at Leon’s confession. 

“I mean, what do we do, Ada? Do we talk to her about this? Do we do it separately or together? How do we even go about it? When does someone even bring something like that up?”

You can’t take it anymore. You can’t stand the thought of your best friends hurting—your favorite people in the entire world. So you abandon your hiding spot and enter the dimly lit kitchen.

“How about now?”

Leon and Ada’s heads both whip in your direction as you nervously rub your sweaty palms on your pants in the doorway. 

Once the shock wears off, Leon’s face lights up as he stands up from his stool. He takes long strides toward you before pulling you into a tight hug. 

His lips place gentle kisses in your hair as he mumbles, “I missed you so damn much.”

All you can do is nod into his chest as you pull him to you even tighter. You grip each other like the other might disappear into thin air if your grasp waivers even the tiniest bit. 

Leon’s smell and presence fully wraps around you and it’s the most comfortable you’ve felt in weeks. Has his embrace always felt like this? Has he always felt like home?

He pulls away just enough so that he can look down at you. “Did you hear all of that?”

Your cheeks flame with your embarrassment as you nod at him once again. His attention on you alone has stolen your ability to speak. As if his mere presence has you in a chokehold.

“And?” He asks, pleading with his eyes. 

All you can do is stare up at him as you try to find any words at all. Your brain feels like mush as you meet his stare and feel Ada’s burning into you.

You close your eyes and inhale deeply, forcing yourself to get out what needs to be said. Your eyes open up and you speak quickly before you can talk yourself out of it.

“I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have both of my favorite people ever love me as much as I love them.”

Your eyes leave Leon’s and connect with Ada’s, “Nothing else has ever made this much sense to me.”

You bring your eyes back to Leon. His jaw has dropped and his eyes wide. He looks at you like he can’t believe those words actually left your mouth. You can’t stop the smile that grows on your face at his reaction. 

“So… Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna kiss me?”

Leon blinks once before he’s crashing his lips into yours. His hands are immediately cupping your jaw as his body pushes your back against the doorframe. 

Your body instantly melts at the way he handles you. The way his hands hold you to him so firmly. His soft lips dominate yours like a starved man. His firm body perfectly fits against yours. His erection jerks to life against your belly. 

You whimper as he nibbles on your lip impatiently. Your body instinctively arches into him as your head lols back, silently egging him on.

You force yourself to pull away from him, remembering the other person you desperately need as well.

“Ada,” you turn your head so your eyes lock on hers. “Please, I need you.”

Leon’s lips trail from your mouth, across your jaw, and down to your throat.

Ada stands from her stool and slowly makes her way over to you. She stops when she’s a mere inches away from you.

“I could never say no to you.”

“Promise?” Your prompting causes Ada to smirk before leaning forward and capturing your lips with hers. 

Leon pulls himself away from you so that Ada can be fully engrossed with you. Her body is instantly pressed up against yours as her lips force yours apart. She ravishes them like she’s searching for something and you hope to god she finds it. 

Neither of their kisses are gentle and it drives you crazy. Both of their lips have sent smoke signals straight to your pussy and it has you soaked within a few minutes. You want to be embarrassed, but you can’t bring yourself to feel that way. You can’t feel anything besides the throbbing in your chest, nipples, and pussy. 

Ada pulls back and stands next to Leon a few feet away from you. They devour your body with their eyes as you lick your lips and allow yourself to eat them alive with your eyes as well. 

It’s still hard to believe that was almost two years ago. Not many people understood what you were talking about when you mentioned your boyfriend and girlfriend. It bothered you for a long time but not so much anymore. Your happiness is just that, your own, so no one else’s opinion really matters. 

You daydream of that night anytime you go away, whether it be for work or pleasure. 

This time, you were scheduled to go on a work trip for three weeks and you dreaded being away from your partners for that long, but you were also excited for the project you were helping with. Both of them had offered to accompany you, but you wouldn’t allow it. You knew their jobs could require them in an instance at any given moment, so you knew that they really did need to be home and on call. 

It was a long three weeks. 

You had finally made it home again. You were exhausted from the flights and airport bullshit. All you wanted to do was crawl into any bed at all and pass out for three days.

But the second your cab driver is pulling up in front of your house, Leon is throwing open the front door and hurrying down to meet you. 

You’re pulling your suitcases out of the trunk when he comes to a halt beside you. He gently grabs the bags from your hands, shaking his head in disapproval of you doing the heavy lifting yourself.

You thank the driver, giving him a large tip for leaving you alone the whole ride. You always hated cab drivers who tried to make small talk. Like just drive the car, step on it actually.

The second Leon passes through the threshold of the house, he’s tossing your bags to the side and pulling you into his chest. You allow yourself to fall into his embrace, too tired for much else.

“I’ve missed you so much.” He whispers into your ear, “Never torture me like this again. I’ll roll over and die next time I swear. I’m gonna have to put a ring on that finger and a baby in that belly so I can keep you safe in the house forever.”

You giggle into his chest and shake your head, “You’ve really gone crazy, huh?”

“Never been more clear headed in my life.”

“Sounds like something a crazy person would say.”

He cups your chin between his fingers, “The first thing you do when you finally get home is call me crazy? How dare you?” Then he’s pulling your lips into his with a searing kiss. 

He’s the definition of a golden retriever boyfriend. 

Always wants to be next to you when you’re around. Needs to protect you and cherish you. When you’re gone, he mopes around waiting for you to get back. When you’re both home, he can’t stay away for long. Always ending up searching you out and demanding your undivided attention. Surely if he had ears and a tail, they’d be perked up and wagging whenever you’re near him. 

And you absolutely love it.

You pull your lips from his, smiling up at him. He smiles, or more like beams, right back at you. 

A throat clears from the hallway. “How was your flight?”

Your heart rate immediately picks up at the sound of Ada’s voice. 

Before you even realize it, you’re rushing over to her. You nearly trip over your own feet in your haste to get to her.

The second you’re within reach, you’re throwing your arms around her body and nuzzling your face into her neck. She chuckles and shakes her head at you in response, but doesn’t do anything to stop you. Oh no, she pulls you even tighter against her. 

If Leon’s a puppy, Ada is a cat. 

She’ll miss you while you’re gone, but never admit the words aloud. But her eyes and purrs say it all when you’re back in her arms. She won’t come barking at the door upon your arrival, but she will make her presence known. She’ll quietly demand attention, but she’ll still make you come and get her. 

Both of their devotion runs just as deep, but they each express it in such different ways. 

You hear Leon’s footsteps approach you from behind. 

“You’re mine tonight, right? I won’t make it through the night without you.”

“Fat chance, Leon.” Ada states firmly.

“I’m not letting her go tonight. Cannot, will not.”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“I’m keeping her tonight.”

“Like fuck you are. I’m fucking taking her and I’m gonna fuck her so loud there won’t be anywhere in this house you could go where you won’t hear it.”

You cut into their little dispute, “This isn’t a fucking pissing contest. It’s not up to you two. I can decide where I want to stay tonight.”

“With me, obviously.” Leon says, crossing his arms with an attitude.

“Maybe I’ll just sleep alone in my room tonight.”

“NO!” They both shout at the same time. You try to fight back the smile creeping up your face, but fail miserably. You can’t help it, they really are your sweet little pets.

“Then we compromise.”

“How? What do you need?” Ada asks, cupping your cheek and making you look her right in the eyes.

“You’ll both just refuse my idea anyways.”

“Try me.” Leon says. He’s brought himself much closer to you than he was previously. His words are spoken right into your ear and you can’t help the chills that sneak up your spine.

“Can you both stay with me tonight? I missed you both so much. I’ll lay in the middle. You guys won’t have to touch or anything. I just want you both right now. I know we usually keep things separate, but maybe just this one time? For me? Then we can go back to how things usually are.” Your voice is pleading, but you don’t really care. You are pleading with them.

Silence follows for what feels like minutes, but in reality is probably just a few seconds. 

“Anything for you. I need to be with you so much too.” Leon is the first to speak. He tucks a stray piece of hair behind your ear and you almost lean into his hand. 

You stare into Ada’s eyes again. You can tell she wants to refuse, but she also misses you so much. She might not say it aloud, but her whole body aches with the need to stay close to you. Is she willing to cross her boundaries just to stay with you tonight? Yes, absolutely yes.

“Okay.” She finally agrees and you pull her into a kiss. You could thank her, tell her how much you appreciate it, but you know she doesn’t care much for words. She’d rather you kiss her and show her how you feel.

You pull back and look between the two. “Alright. Okay. Right. I’m beat, you guys ready to come to bed with me?”

They agree easily and it’s not long before everyone is changed into their comfy clothes and tucked underneath the covers.

You lay in the middle of the bed, Ada on your left and Leon on your right. You lay facing Ada, your arm and leg thrown over her while Leon spoons you from behind. They make sure neither of them is crossing over the other, only touching you. 

Of course you’ve laid between them before, but never for the whole night. Once it’s time for bed, you usually go to sleep with one of them for one on one time. It’s always been the best way to maneuver the relationship and everyone is usually happy with that arrangement.

Tonight is a bit weird, but you’re happy to be with both of them. You’ve always liked the idea of something like this, but they’ve always wanted their alone time at night. It’s not like that’s the only time you can be alone with one of them. You’re alone with each of them often, but they’ll never have enough. Neither will you honestly.

Leon shifts his body slightly and you suddenly feel his full erection pressed against your ass.

“Leon,” you scold him, but he just chuckles.

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I’m not the only one who missed you, you know?”

“I know, I can feel it.”

He laughs again before the room falls back into comfortable silence.

But of course it’s not long before Leon is grinding his dick into you slowly. He’s trying to be discreet, but it’s obvious to everyone in the bed what he’s doing.

“Leon.”

This time it’s Ada who speaks up and scolds him. Her voice is stern and even has you going completely still.

“Oh please, Ada. You really gonna act like you’re not as desperate for her as I am? As if.”

“I’m not the one acting like a dog in heat right now.”

“First of all-“

You cut Leon off, “Guys seriously? That’s enough. There are three sexually frustrated people in one bed right now and I don’t think the best solution is tearing each other's heads off. Knock it off.”

Leon grinds his dick into you even harder.

“So you admit it too? You need this just as much as me. Come on baby, let me fix all of your problems. Let me fuck you to sleep.”

“For fucks sake.” Ada huffs out.

“Ada,” you whisper to her shyly. She turns her head towards you, your faces a mere inches apart. “I want you both so bad. I’ve been trying to sleep and just ignore it, but he’s teasing me and I can’t take it anymore.”

She whispers back, “Do you want me to go?”

“No, fuck no. I want you to stay. I want you both to stay. I’m desperate for you and him.”

Leon speaks up, “We can make it work. Take turns, whatever you’re comfortable with. I’ll stay out of your way when you need me to and you’ll stay out of mine. It’s been a long three weeks. Whatever the princess wants, she should get. Don’t you agree?” 

Leon’s hand grips your hip, pulling your ass back against his dick. You both make pathetic noises at such deep contact.

“Is that what you want? Both of us to share you right now?” Ada asks, her hand reaching out and cupping your cheek.

“Yes. I need it.”

That’s all it takes for Ada to press her lips into yours and slide her tongue along the seam of your mouth, asking for entrance. You oblige gladly and slip your tongue against hers, whining into the kiss as Leon continues to grind into you. 

You reach back in an attempt to touch Leon, but he swats your hand away. 

“Tonight is all about you, baby doll. Just focus on feeling good, we’ll take care of you.”

You whimper into Ada’s mouth at Leon’s words. You never considered yourself to be a strictly submissive person before the two of them, but now it’s undeniable—inevitable. You can’t manage to keep yourself from following their every command. You’ll fall to your knees for them before either even has to ask. 

Giving yourself over to them is easy. It’s what they’ll put your body through, the limits both of them are obsessed with pushing, that’s… not so easy. 

Every thrust of Leon’s hips against your ass pushes your pussy into Ada. Your body feels like it’s being teased from both sides and it’s driving you crazy. This little bit of friction already isn’t enough. You need more. More what? You’re not sure, but given the circumstances, you’re not at all feeling picky. 

Leon’s mouth is directly against your ear. “You want me to fuck you just like this? Wanna scream into your girlfriend's mouth while I pound you with my cock?”

You arch your back, pushing your ass firmly into his cock. “Please. Want it so bad.”

You’re already soaked. It’s been a long, miserable three weeks without being touched. Sure, you’d touch yourself when you needed it, but you won’t even attempt to convince yourself it’s at all the same thing. Nothing compares to their hands on you.

You’re so desperate, so lost in the attention you’re receiving that you don’t realize how you’ve been sucking on Ada’s tongue consistently until she laughs. 

Your eyes widen as a blush grows across your face. You try to pull your head back, but Ada is quick to pull your mouth back to hers. She kisses you deeply before her lips start to trail across your jaw, slowly approaching your neck.

Leon’s thumbs slip underneath the waistband of your pants. Your position is too awkward for you to lift your hips to help him. But Ada picks up on what he wants and helps lift your hips as he frees you of your pants and panties, all in one quick swipe. 

His fingers are instantly circling your clit and slipping between your folds.

“Fuck, you’re so wet for us.” He groans into your hair. “Ada, feel how wet our sweet girl is.”

Ada doesn’t hesitate as her fingers toy with you right alongside Leon’s. She bites into your shoulder at the feeling of your arousal coating her fingers, a quiet moan escaping her lips.

Leon grabs your leg and drapes it over Ada’s hips, opening up and exposing your cunt for him. Ada is quick to grip your hip and hold you in place for him.

Your clit is firmly pressed against her leg. The position is emphasizing the throbbing of your needy pussy and it has you whining out your wordless pleas. 

Ada and Leon are both very familiar with your noises. They know what you’re asking for without you having to speak it out loud.

“You want me to fuck you now? So impatient. Do you need it that bad? Need me to split you in half?”

You nod frantically, the seductive tone of his voice driving you mad. Neither one of them moves or makes an attempt to pleasure you.

“Yes. I want you to fuck me.” You finally find the words, them coming out more abrasive than intended. But they don’t mind, oh no, Ada smirks as Leon chuckles at your neediness.

“You heard her,” Ada finally speaks. She pulls her mouth away from your skin so she can get a good look at your face as Leon positions his cock at your entrance.

You’re desperately clinging to Ada, bracing yourself in anticipation of his thrusts. It’s been so long, you’re all in dire need of each other. You know he’s not going to hold back; you know his pace will be brutal and punishing and holy shit do you need it so bad. So fucking bad.

Your eyes roll back into your head as he pushes his cock slowly into you until he’s completely bottomed out. His balls are rubbing against Ada’s leg, but she makes no protests. She’s too focused and absolutely enthralled with the look on your fucked out face.

Leon only holds still for a few moments before he does exactly what you expected him to. He’s pounding your pussy like he’s trying to resuscitate you with his cock. Which is very contradicting to the way his thrusts are taking your breath away. 

You stare into Ada’s dark lust blown eyes as you struggle to keep yours open. Your eyelids flutter with each shock of pleasure coursing through your body.

The harder Leon fucks you into Ada, the more friction you gain on your clit from her thigh. You’re already so close, feeling your pussy clenching around Leon’s fat cock. 

“I can feel how close you are, baby. This tight little pussy is squeezing my cock so tight. You gonna milk me dry? Gonna let me fill this pussy with my come?”

With Leon’s words, Ada is instantly sliding her hand between your thighs and rubbing her fingers against your clit so fast you can barely stand the overwhelming feeling. It’s too much, way too fucking much, but it’s so fucking good. So good in fact-

“I’m coming! Oh fuck,” you whine out as pathetic moans pour from your mouth nonstop. Your nails are digging into Ada’s shoulders and you can’t stop it. You need something to hold onto as you shake and fall apart between them. 

Leon pulls out of you as Ada lays you on your back. You’re panting, head foggy from your orgasm.

Leon climbs back on top of you and thrusts is cock into your sloppy and sticky pussy. 

Your fingers cling to the sheets beneath you as your eyes search for Ada. You notice her back to you as she heads for the door.

“W-where are you going?” you squeak out, body overstimulated as Leon continues shoving his cock deep into your pussy. 

“Be right back,” Ada turns and looks at you, seeing the unsure look on your face. “I promise.” You nod at her and she exits the room.

You look up at Leon, finally looking at his face for the first time since he’s been inside you. 

“Hi,” he smiles at you.

“Hi.”

And he finally kisses you, way too softly compared to his aggressive thrusts. You wrap your arms around him, gripping him tightly. 

You get lost in the kiss, blissfully unaware of how much time has passed. Maybe 10 seconds, maybe 3 hours. All you know is you’ll never get enough of this. You could literally climb inside his body and live there and it still wouldn’t be enough.

“I’m gonna cream this pussy. Gonna stuff you full with my come. You’re gonna feel it as your girlfriend fucks you, knowing you belong to both of us. Got us both fucking pussy whipped. God, I could stay inside you forever, fuck. I’m coming, holy shit, I’m coming.”

Leon lets out a loud whine as he comes hard. You feel his come filling you up, just the way you like it. His cock is kicking and throbbing inside of you and you feel it all. You feel it against every sensitive spot inside of you. 

Leon finally pulls out of you and his come is instantly rushing out of you, pooling on the sheets beneath your ass cheeks.

“I knew you were gonna milk me dry. Now be a good girl for Ada and take everything she gives you, yeah?”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, before he lays down next to you. Behind him stands a naked Ada with a lubed up strap-on secured tightly to her hips.

You whine just looking at how big the toy is. It’s thicker and longer than Leon’s cock, which is already fucking huge. They’re trying to kill you and they’re going to succeed. They’re going to kill you.

“Come here, princess,” Leon pulls your back into his sweaty chest. He pulls your shirt over your head, exposing your braless chest for both of them to ogle at. 

He slowly eases your legs open, wrapping them around his. Every private piece of you is all on display for Ada and she couldn’t look more hypnotized if she tried. She’s good at keeping a stone face as she dominates you, but you love when she can’t hold back her amazement with you. When it consumes her and there’s no hiding it.

She snaps back to reality and makes her way between your legs. Your hands shoot to Leon’s hips, bracing yourself again to be fucked raw. 

“Tell her you want it, princess. Be a good girl and tell her exactly what you want.” Leon instructs you as Ada rubs the lube around on the toy. 

“I… I want you to fuck me with your cock, mommy. I wanna be a good girl and come all over it for you. Can I please take mommy’s cock?” you plead and feel Leon’s cock go semi hard at your words.

“Fuck, you’re making me hard again. Look at what you do to us. You're goddamn perfect.”

You look up at Ada and she nods in agreement with Leon’s words before lining the toy up with your hole.

“Take a deep breath for me,” Ada instructs and you comply immediately. You suck in a large breath of air and hold it for a few seconds before releasing it. And as you breathe out, Ada shoves her cock all the way into you.

You scream out as your back arches into her body. Your hands leave Leon and immediately cling to Ada’s hips as she slowly, but deeply fucks you.

“Mommy, fuck. That feels so good. Oh god, I’m already close,” you whine out, holding back tears. 

“Hold it. Don’t come until I tell you to.” 

She knows what telling you to wait does to you. You fight it hard, not letting her words push you over the edge. You’ll be a good girl. You’ll let her fuck you until she’s satisfied and then she’ll let you come all over her. But fuck, it’s so hard. Your pussy is instinctively clenching around her, trying to keep her cock as deep inside of you as it can go.

You throw your head back and pathetically whine into Leon’s neck. He rubs soothing circles into your belly as Ada presses her forehead into yours. Your whole body is shaking with the need to come, threatening to combust and erase you from existence completely. 

Ada picks up the pace slowly at first, easing you into it, but it doesn’t last long. She can’t hold herself back anymore and soon she’s fucking into you brutally. 

You can’t hold back the noises constantly leaving your mouth. Between whining, moaning, panting, and incoherently babbling, you at some point start crying. Tears are streaming down your face as every muscle in your body trembles.

“Doing such a good job,” Leon praises you, lips against your hair.

“Mmm-mommy,” your voice is pleading.

“I think you deserve your reward. What do you think, Leon?” Ada questions. 

He doesn’t respond with words, but rather brings his fingers to your swollen, dripping clit. He doesn’t have to move them. All he does is apply firm pressure and your clit throbbing against his fingers sends you over the edge.

You’re screaming and shaking and quivering and crying and you can’t stop. Your body has imploded into a supernova of pure pleasure. You never want to come down, but at the same time, the ecstasy is teetering on a fine line of pain and pleasure.

Ada’s thrusts finally stop and Leon takes his fingers off of you. Your vision is blurry and your body is numb.

It takes a few minutes for you to come back down to earth, but when you do, you realize Ada and Leon are just staring at you. Almost in awe–almost in complete wonder.

“Has she ever done that for you?” Leon asks Ada.

“Nope.”

“Me either.”

You cut in breathlessly, “What?”

Leon grips your chin and forces you to look between your legs at the absolute mess on your thighs and sheets. Even Ada and Leon’s thighs are soaked and it dawns on you what happened.

“Oh god,” you gasp in embarrassment. You try to shut your legs, but the two of them work together to keep them open. 

“Are you embarrassed?” Leon teases and you refuse to look either of them in the eyes.

“You’re so perfect,” Ada praises as she massages your thighs, causing you to whine at the contact. 

Squirting, something you believed you weren’t capable of doing, didn’t just happen in front of one of them, but both of them. You’ll never live this down. 

“Fuck, I need you again. Get on your hands and knees for me.” Leon demands, but no one moves. You’re too embarrassed and Ada’s still too shocked to respond. 

“Ada,” Leon gets her attention. “A little help here?”

She nods as she removes the toy from her hips, tossing it somewhere to the side. She gets out from between your legs and sits up against the headboard. She pulls and Leon pushes you towards her, positioning you with your face between her thighs and ass up in the air for Leon.

“You wanna eat mommy’s pussy while he breeds your pussy again, sweet girl?” Ada speaks and her filthy words have you whimpering. Ada doesn’t always participate in dirty talk, so when she does it’s a special occasion. You could never say no to her when she asks so nicely.

You nod frantically before bringing your face to her wet cunt. You gently stroke her with the tip of your tongue and she bites her lip, holding eye contact with you. 

You continue to tease her, but your face falls fully against her as Leon presses into you again. Your thighs are already quivering and you have no idea how you’ll survive taking him again.

Ada runs her fingers through your hair, “Just focus on me, love. You’re doing so well.”

The praise has you sucking her harshly and squeezing your eyes tightly. You wanted to be used and fucked like this and you’ll be damned if you tap out now. You can take, you know you can, so you fucking will. Even if it does kill you.

But after a few minutes of Leon’s thrusts and the taste of Ada on your tongue, your brain turns to mush again. All you can do is lol your tongue out of your mouth as Ada grinds against it, chasing her long awaited high. 

With the way Ada’s thighs tremble and Leon’s thrusts become sloppy, you know they’re both close and you’re desperate for them to come.

You somehow find the strength to suck on Ada again as she grinds into your face and clench around Leon at the same time. When they both cry out at the same time, you know you’ve done it.

Ada’s thighs squeeze around your head, holding you tightly in place as you feel Leon fill you with his come again. You’re exhausted and once Ada releases your head, you fall face first into the sheets.

Ada and Leon share a look, before Leon raises both his hands for a high five. Ada cocks her eyebrow before shaking her head, actually giving him high fives. Leon smiles like an idiot at successfully getting Ada to go along with his antics.

Leon pulls out of you and you immediately collapse, curling yourself into a fetal position on your side. Soft snores leave your lips and they both hold back their laughs. 

“I guess I don’t mind sharing as much as I used to,” Leon whispers to Ada.

“Me too.” 

~masterlist~

[theamityelf]

(Sorry, you can ignore me, but I do have to write some Toxic Kamuegi here just for fun. Also, this isn't anime-compliant, because the information the second game gives about Izuru Kamukura fascinates me.)

He'd expected the answer to be no. He'd thought that Junko had just been telling a really inappropriate joke. But now...Makoto had pulled his boyfriend aside to ask, and he'd gotten a confirmation with no hesitation. It was true.

"But...How could you do something like that?"

Izuru was staring in that way he did whenever he believed he stood to learn a lot from a conversation. The air in Makoto's room felt as dense as a solid. "You're upset."

"Of course I'm upset!"

"With me?"

"If you murdered the Student Council, then yes, I'm upset with you!"

Izuru looked bothered, and then he seemed to reject the feeling, his expression clearing.

Makoto shook his head in disbelief. "How...Why would you do that?"

"Are you asking because my answer will matter to you? You're already upset." His tone had flattened into a facsimile of indifference that Makoto could see right through.

"Yes, it matters! I want to understand what happened! Why aren't you answering me?"

"It wasn't Enoshima's place to tell you. You didn't have to know it was me. You didn't know those people well enough to care about them; I wouldn't have done it to someone you cared about."

"Izuru!"

"You only care because I'm the one who did it. You wouldn't be thinking about them now, if the culprit had been a stranger."

"What do you mean I wouldn't be thinking about them?! It happened yesterday!"

"Plenty of your friends are murderers. It's unfair that you're upset with me."

"How is this your reaction-?!"

"You're not supposed to be upset with me. It's not fair."

They were not talking about the same thing. Makoto took a breath to steady his head; the situation itself, the idea that Junko had just casually told him that his boyfriend had murdered a bunch of students and then his boyfriend had corroborated the claim, was already so surreal, but the fact that he wasn't even able to get a straight answer about what happened because his boyfriend was fixating so hard on...what? How much of a slight it was to him, that Makoto cared about the transgression at all?

"It's not fair?" he repeated.

Izuru dipped his head, maintaining, "You aren't looking at me the way you're supposed to. I don't like it."

"Did you actually kill someone thinking it wouldn't matter to me?"

"I killed someone thinking you wouldn't find out. Enoshima chose to be underhanded to upset you, thinking it would affect our relationship."

"You think it doesn't affect our relationship?!"

Izuru's head lifted, and his eyes seemed to focus in on him even harder than before. "What does that mean?"

Makoto just sent him a half-bewildered, half-helpless look.

"Tell me what you mean," Izuru insisted, walking closer.

"Tell me why you killed them," Makoto replied. "Was it self-defense? Were you-?"

"They don't matter; they weren't a part of what we had before, so they can't start to factor in to what we have now."

"They don't matter? I..." Makoto felt his expression falter, and he saw a responding flicker in Izuru's face- albeit subtler. "I don't understand how you can act like this. You always...You were nice. I mean, you weren't...always nice, but, you were peaceful. You were-"

"There's no reason to speak in the past tense; I still am everything I was." He'd never heard Izuru sound desperate before, but the agitated pace of his words, the hard, decidedly toneless voice with which he tried to correct Makoto, emanated a subtly frantic aura. "You promised me you wouldn't let anything someone else said about me change your mind about loving me."

"I do love you. But if you really killed someone for no reason-"

"You can’t break up with me. It’s not allowed. I’m not bored of you yet."

"Izuru, you killed the Student Council!"

"You will not leave me."

Makoto had barely noticed the movements while they were happening, but now it was clear that Izuru had gone to stand between him and the door. "Izuru-"

"I’m the Ultimate Hope. What greater purpose could you have in life other than making me happy?"

"What are you saying?!"

"My teachers don’t understand why I care about you. I can’t explain it. The only thing special about you is the fact that you make me happy. You’re as beholden to that talent as I am to mine. We don’t get to forfeit what makes us special."

"I'm not special. I don't have a talent. And I'm not beholden to anything."

They held eye contact for several seconds. It crossed Makoto's mind that he was confronting someone who he knew had just killed a bunch of people, and that he was alone with him now, vulnerable, but...but it was Izuru. And no matter how intimidating he was acting, it seemed important not to show him any weakness right now. Izuru was the one who broke eye contact, averting his gaze with the passionless observation, "We're both angry. We can continue this conversation later." As he turned away, he added, "...after I murder Enoshima." He exited the room and shut the door behind himself.

Makoto was chilled at the way he'd said what might otherwise have sounded like a wry joke. He hurried to the door, throwing it open and finding an empty hallway beyond. No sign that his boyfriend had just left the room barely a second ago, and no sign of which way he'd gone. "Izuru?!" He picked a direction at random and took off, hoping for good luck.

[satansapostle6]

fire and ice | james cook

Cook’s interest is piqued when an old childhood friend moves in across the street.

Warning: Mature themes/language. Drug use. Sexual content.

part six.

part seven. nobody’s girl.

“Spliff?”

“Yes. Please.”

“Here.”

Tiff sat up on her rooftop beside a quiet Effy Stonem, who handed her the freshly lit spliff after taking a few pulls from it herself. Apart from Pandora, Tiffany Wheeler was Effy’s only real friend. Effy didn’t enjoy spending time with anyone else; speaking to everyone else was work for her, even Panda.

Tiff Wheeler was the only person who ever received visits from Effy. Effy would just come over to find her of her own accord, offering her spliff, or a bottle, or even just a cigarette. She liked Tiff because Tiff never expected anything. Tiff never expected conversation, or needed comfort. She was just simply there, which Effy always appreciated, especially when things seemed to be taking a turn for the worst.

Due to the low maintenance nature of their relationship, Tiff naturally didn’t know all of the details, but she knew that things were rough for Effy at home, because of her mother’s infidelity. Tiff also knew that Freddie McClair, one of Cook’s best friends, had a massive crush on Effy that everyone in their group was aware of, consensually or not.

Effy, Tiff knew, was the magnetic sort of person who attracted everyone’s interest, whether they loved her or hated her. It was always one or the other. She understood her appeal; Effy had this way of silently convincing everyone that she was so much better and smarter than them, whether it was true or not. Tiff also knew that Effy and Cook had shagged their first day of school. She wasn’t sure whether everyone else knew it, but she was aware.

“Tiff,” Effy interrupted, passing the spliff back to her.

“Hmm?” she looked over at her, taking a long pull.

“I never got the chance to thank you,” she responded.

“Thank me? What for?”

Effy smiled like she was in on some big secret.

“For taking Cook’s attention off of me.”

Tiff scoffed derisively at the notion, coughing out smoke. She shook her head in amusement.

“I’ve done no such thing. Cook doesn’t pay attention to anything.”

“He pays attention to you,” Effy maintained as she took back the spliff.

“I don’t even know where he is right now!” Tiffany reminded her. “Probably passed out in a gutter somewhere.”

“He’s in love with you, Tiff. Trust me,” Effy insisted.

“And he just happens to avoid me half the time despite the fact that he’s somehow in love with me?” Tiff reasoned.

“He avoids you because he’s in love with you,” Effy remarked. “Even if he doesn’t know it yet.”

Tiff just considered her words and her strange certainty for a moment, chalking it all up to a personality quirk.

”You’re good at reading people, you know,” Tiff thought, “Perceptive.”

“I have my strengths,” Effy said vaguely. “Although, I haven’t quite figured you out yet. Well… I don’t quite know you. But I understand you.”

“Me?” Tiffany questioned.

Effy Stonem nodded. “Yeah. You’re hard to read.”

Tiff frowned. “How so?”

“I dunno. I just can’t seem to figure out who your allegiance is to,” the dark-haired girl elaborated.

Tiff knew the answer to this.

“No one,” she said simply.

This made Effy smile.

“That’s how I like to live.”

“It’s easier that way,” Tiff thought. “Not having to answer to anyone. Not having to worry about hurting someone.”

“Not being able to be hurt by someone,” Effy concluded.

Tiff smiled, feeling seen in that moment.

“See? We understand each other,” Effy reminded her.

“You’re one of the only ones I don’t hate,” Tiff admitted. “I’m not very fond of people… Sometimes when I’m in a less social mood, and people start talking to me, or around me, I just want to scream in their faces to shut the fuck up.”

Effy grinned. “My kind of girl.”

“I’m nobody’s girl,” Tiff assured her.

“Amen to that,” her newfound friend responded dryly.

They sat in silence for a moment on the rooftop, both looking out at nothing.

“Do you ever find yourself playing games with people just so you don’t go insane talking to them?” Tiff asked.

Effy paused for a split second.

“All the time.”

”I don’t know if I can ever grow up; become a real member of society,” Tiff thought aloud.

“Don’t,” Effy told her firmly. “You’re a strange sort of person, Tiff,” Effy remarked.

“Really?” she asked, surprised by Effy, of all people, thinking so.

“Yes. Never change,” Effy told her.

Tiff was, not alarmed, but rather surprised as Effy leaned in affectionately, placing a symbolic kiss on her friends lips, the two of them closing their eyes for a split second before pulling apart. Tiff frowned thoughtfully. It was a strange kiss, neither romantic nor sexual in any way in its intent. It was purely a gesture, a form of acknowledgment.

“Thank you, Effy,” Tiff said, earning a simple smile in response.

“You’re welcome.”

-

part eight.

[mapoeggplant]

skip to loafer chapter 53 // spoilers

the analogy of between a crab and falling in love: what’s hidding in between all the sand that shima hides himself in?

this chapter kinda encapsulates a lot of unresolved plots and bring back things that were discussed before, as a way to, little by little, start to close shima’s arc on understanding his feelings. and, for my happiness (and for a lot of you guys reading me, i supposed), we finally had a confirmation that shima doesn’t quite understand or can’t even separate his feelings inside him, all because of his history with rejection, broken family, and the coldness of the ones around him. the boy, who tries to grasp his sandy feelings, who stubbornly kept slipping between his fingers, is finally dipping his toes in the ocean.

what mukai and shima discussed at the sauna is very important for a lot of things. not only for the present narrative, but for a context in general about how skip to loafer deals with feelings and love. instead of approaching a safe solution and going for the “she was the one who could save him”, takamatsu-senpai chose to go through the more complicated and bumpier road: she started to make her own characters question the idea of romantic love that was shoved down their (and ours) throat since they were born. 

is not that shima doesn’t love mitsumi — he just doesn’t understand the concept of romantic feelings or how everything “ends” with it (it was interesting to me how he said “ends”, the never-ending idea that romantic love is the final goal. it never “starts anything; it’s always “the end” of things). for him, everything falls in the same blurry and messed up category and end as easily as it started. however now, after years and years of being shutten down and used for people’s own selfish desires, shima is finally free to think and act for himself. but we don’t learn to swim at the bottom of the ocean: we need to start at the beach.

mukai telling shima that he’s often shutting people down and pushing people away without noticing was there for two main reasons, in my opinion: one, show a little more about mukai himself and his own feelings in relation to shima, a friend that he holds dear and wants to see opening up a little more, warming himself towards others; and two, to make shima start to question “what am i doing to the people that care about me?”. this is a trigger that sensei used to bring back a lot of important moments between shima and mitsumi and connect the dots inside his head. what i didn’t expect was that she would such beautiful analogy: a crab.

by swimming around their past, shima starts to ask himself: how does mitsumi feels about me. it’s funny how, even after all that conversation with mukai, he didn’t start with the obvious and questioned himself. he was thinking about her — about the other. what brough him back to his own heart was the girl herself, without both even realizing it.

grabbing the crab in the middle of it is the safest option. you’re protecting yourself of a possibility of being hurt and are able to maintain a safe distance from all the dangerous attributes of the crab. by always staying in the middle of his own feelings and never really going for the claws of his own mind, shima maintained his safety and “never got hurt” (and here i strictly mean hurt by his own ghosts, who he tried to deny instead of facing it). i mean, if he doesn’t move, they won’t be able to attack him. if he stays protected, there won’t be a necessity of changing what you know so well.

but…there’s always a first time, right? and i don’t mean this only for the act of holding a crab: this might be shima’s not only first time doing so, but also the first time he ever felt something different for someone — something more. something he never met before. 

and mitsumi, on the other hand, appear serene on his eyes. she did have her first time already — and was bitten by the crab. she was the one who put herself out there and risked being hurt. and, unfortunately, he was the one who made this happen. 

by shima’s reaction (the full-on blush), it’s easy to interpretate that he had some kind of realization and that…well...yeah it involves the crab. and mukai. and mitsumi. and the beach. and the ocean. and the sand, that he could never grasp before. what did he realize? he himself isn’t sure, as he tells mukai (“how was the crab?” “i don’t know). and, well, how can someone who has never seen a crab be so sure that what they are seeing is, in fact, a crab?

sensei made it clear, with all the words, with mukai being a sensei for a day: shima is, for the first time in his life, having to deal with a feeling that’s completely new and scary for him. romantic love isn’t easy. for a kid who grew watching his own understanding of romantic love (his parents) be so broken and twisted, romantic love is something that can only cause harm. so no, it’s not that he doesn’t understand love per se: he just doesn’t know how to approach it within himself. it’s up to him, now, if he's going to sing his hands in the sand and find the answer for all the questions he’s dealing with. 

as for my last words, what i want to remind everyone: no, it won’t be resolved so fast. not next chapter and, maybe, nor the next. i mean, why should it be? love, be it platonic or not, isn’t something to be forced out of someone. it’s something that requires more than a simple “yes or no”, something that doesn’t grow overnight. none of them are wrong. mitsumi never imposed something on him, she only did what her heart told her to do. shima never wanted to hurt her in some way — in fact, this is one of his biggest fears, up to now. they both are trying to understand themselves, the world, and the universe. they are in the apices of their teenage years, in the apices of committing mistakes for dumb reasons and for sealing peace with simplicity. they all have lot of different crabs with lot of different meanings hiding inside their particular beaches. it’s up to them if they are going to start digging it or not. 

and, as always, thank you thank you so much for reading what i have to say and my crazy rambling. i hope that we can now start a great discussion about it 💛 oh and people!! don't be afraid of talking to your crab — sometimes they know more bout us than ourselves 🦀

🌻 this analyze was originally posted on my twitter

[waywardstation]

Bucket

Phione Akari AU

Ingo needs a bucket to carry his small passenger around in. Zisu helps him find one.

I got an ask for this AU once wondering where Ingo got the bucket to carry Akari around everywhere. Instead of answering it, I wrote a little segment about it... sorry it took so long to get it out!

OR read here on AO3!

AND check out the Phione Akari AU masterpost!

Enjoy!

————

“Ingo?”

“Miss Zisu! Ah, hello-”

“What are you doing back here?”

When Zisu had heard something going through things behind the dojo, she had expected to peek around the corner and find one of the village kids rooting around in the supplies, or perhaps one of those pesky wild bidoof that liked to sneak into the village, not her coworker.

“Well,” Ingo, knee-deep in a pile of various boxes and tools, sounded a bit out of breath — how long had he been going through stuff back here? “I’m searching for a bucket. I could have sworn I’d seen a spare one back here before, but I can’t seem to find it. We have one, correct?”

“Yes,” Zisu replied slowly, watching Ingo resume searching. Her poor friend had been very stressed ever since Akari had gone missing (understandably so, of course), and she found herself beginning to worry about him and question some of the things he was doing lately. This didn’t exactly help. “Here, get out of there and I’ll get it for you. What do you need it for?”

“The professor suggested it this morning to help keep Passenger hydrated, when I inquired him about their species.” Ingo explained, taking Zisu’s hand when she extended it out to him. Pulling him out of the mess of boxes, Zisu let Ingo dust himself off as she stepped in to take his place. “See, I’ve realized Passenger dries out rather quickly in the sun, and I often have to make frequent stops by streams and ponds to keep them properly maintained. Professor Laventon noted how dependent they are on an aquatic environment, and so I figured if we had an extra bucket…”

“You still have that little friend latched onto you?” 

“Indeed!” Ingo tugged the flap of his coat collar to the side, revealing the little blue Pokémon she’d expected to see. With big sad eyes and a droopy demeanor as it clung to the hood of Ingo’s tunic, it did seem quite discouraged at the moment. Very dehydrated, it seemed.

That Pokémon – or ‘Passenger’, as Ingo had started calling them – was one of the few things that Zisu had been questioning most lately, regarding Ingo and the things he did. The little Pokémon was a mystery to her; extremely temperamental and touchy with everyone it seemed, the behavior of fervently clinging to Ingo and refusing to leave him seemed quite contradictory, all things considered.

It was as if the fragile little thing was frustrated with or frantic around everyone, but didn’t want to lose their attention or be left alone. It was strange, to say the least.

And Ingo was actually entertaining this tiring behavior, having given it a name to refer to it with and everything. And now he was getting a little carrying container for it! No wonder it acted so entitled, always squeaking at him and hitting him with its flippers. The only reason Zisu didn’t question it more directly was because it seemed like in a way, Ingo was channeling a lot of his stress over Akari into caring for it. 

She could see it. She could see that there was some sort of placebo in caring for this Pokémon when he couldn’t help Akari. But if managing the mannerless creature helped him cope right now and kept him going, Zisu would leave it alone. 

She knew he blamed himself for not going with Akari that day, after all.

At least at the moment, the Pokémon seemed more complacent just hanging out of his hood. Maybe it had even worn itself out with all these tiresome things it was apt to do.

“Laventon still doesn’t know where it came from?” Zisu kept the conversation going as she opened one of the boxes. A bucket should be in here…

“He has noted within the time he’s been here, the species seems to congregate in small groups along the coastlands’ shoreline in the warmer months. He speculates there’s a migratory pattern.” A sentence that only surprised Zisu, seeing as how the days were only growing colder and shorter now.

“So? Why is it here now then?”

“The professor hypothesized that perhaps a storm separated it, maybe even carried it all the way inland. Or that its group simply abandoned it.” Ingo reiterated what he could remember. “But he is still very unsure.”

Both were quite grim and lonely options; Zisu found herself now feeling a little empathetic for the creature as she pulled a heavy bag of cleaning tools out of one of the boxes. And there, just underneath-

“Aha! Found it!” Triumphantly, Zisu yanked the coveted treasure out and held it up for Ingo to see; a wooden bucket. A bit dusty, but sturdy and useful all the same. Holding the bucket secure in her hands by its sides as she stepped out of the pile, she held it out for Ingo to take. “One creature container, just for you!”

“Thank you, I greatly appreciate it Miss Zisu,” Ingo received the bucket in both arms, hugging it closely. It seemed the prospect of a new transportation method somewhat interested Passenger as well, as the little Pokémon perked up a little to half-heartedly inspect it.

Looking over the bucket, Ingo genuinely seemed appreciative just as he had said, but there was still a sort of emptiness, as if the accomplishment was minimal. 

He was so tired, and yet his thoughts were already moving elsewhere, onto the next step. Zisu wanted to do nothing more than grab him by the shoulders, drag him to the Wallflower, and make sure he got a hot, filling meal in him, all the while reassuring him things would truly be alright before making sure he could get a fulfilling, restful sleep. 

But she knew that all of that would only stress him out right now, horribly so. He was clearly getting ready to go out and look for Akari again, and had only come by for a bucket to make sure he didn’t have to stop searching so frequently just for Passenger’s sake.

“Well,” Ingo cleared his throat, appearing a little self-conscious over how obvious it was that he just wanted to leave now. He tucked the bucket away under one of his arms, awkwardly adjusting his cap by the brim with the other. “I should depart now. Thank you again. I will, ah, most likely see you again within the next few days.”

Zisu looked upon him with a certain sadness. Sighing, she opened her arms. “Ingo, come here.”

Ingo moved as requested after a moment of hesitation, and Zisu pulled him the rest of the way into a hug. Wrapping her arms around him, she felt his one free arm hug back around her as he slumped into her shoulder.

“It’ll be alright.” She spoke against his neck. He smelled like sweat and stress. “Akari is fine. That kid is so strong; you’ll find her, or she’ll find you, and she’ll come back.”

Ingo sniffed, his words rather quiet. “Thank you.”

“It’s not your fault that this happened, ok?”

Despite the million things he wanted to say that Zisu could practically feel roiling under his rib cage against her, Ingo simply released a cracked sigh into her shoulder instead. She squeezed him tighter as if it would keep him together a little longer, before letting him go. Ingo was looking down as she moved away, but Zisu noticed Passenger was staring at her with those same sad, reserved eyes.

Putting on a big smile, Zisu did her best to encourage her friend. “Now, good luck out there! If anyone is going to find Akari, it’s going to be you. I know when you come back, you’ll have her with you.”

“I do hope so.” Ingo’s eyes squinted in indication of a small, reassuring smile in return as he turned to head back around the dojo and leave, bucket in hand. “I am very much looking forward to that as well; thank you.”

And with that, he walked through the gates of the training grounds, not to be seen again for four days.

[messy-crisantemo]

Since we’ve entered a Gentan renaissance, I figured I should make a

🍉 GenTan fic recommendation list 🎴

(Edit: Now we have a Part 2!)

Note that this is a list of personal favorites based on my likes and the many (yet not all existent) fics I’ve read. They’re not put in any particular order and they’re all completed fics. I’m adding some of the tags, but not all of them since I don’t want to make this post extra long, so please read them again once you go to the Ao3 link. And finally, if anyone is anime-only, even if a fic is spoiler free, it’s likely that it’ll have some reference to Genya’s abilities or family relationships, so be careful.

That being said, we proceed!

Don’t Talk to Me by 125389, 9k

(Red Light District Arc, Canon-Typical Violence, Meet-Cute, Strangers to friends to enemies to ???, Humor, Crushes)

A second impression, a star-crossed meeting, a misunderstanding. Each was there to do his job, to keep matters strictly business, but when have things ever been that simple?

Beautifully written, fantastic humor, and just GenTan inevitably falling for each other (both romantically and literally).

To Be The Piece You Need by Gilberrts, 11k

(Alternate Universe - High School, Dialogue Heavy, Friends to Lovers)

Shinazugawa Genya's life is in a downward spiral. He has no friends, his grades are on thin ice, and he can't seem to stop outgrowing his clothes. Then, when his relationship with his brother finally hits rock bottom, Genya has a strange encounter with the sole member of the school's cooking club.

Hurt-Comfort scenario where, of course, Tanjirou is the comfort.

Rest + Recovery by aizetsus, 2k

(genya is stressed, post Swordsmith Village Arc)

Genya gets overwhelmed pretty easily. Especially when faced with a cute boy.

It wouldn’t be a GenTan rec list without our traditional, fluffy scenario of Genya pining for Tanjirou.

Cardinals by bluejelly245, 8k

(Modern AU, Wakes & Funerals, Hurt/Comfort, Conversations, Friendship/Love, Past Abuse)

Genya and his family attend the funeral wake for Tanjiro’s father, much to the younger Shinazugawa boy’s dismay. The last thing he wanted to do was spend his evening surrounded by tears and grief, but what he least expected, was to end up on Tanijro’s bedroom floor, comforting the strange boy after his loss.

Genya discovers he is a good person, so sweet despite the gloomy scenario.

loveholic by mimimimi (reiiiiii), 81k

(Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, CEO Genya, Slow Burn, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Aged-Up Character(s), Strangers to Lovers, No Spoilers, Relationship Study)

Tanjirou lives a normal life as a university student on his last year, struggling financially to maintain a life that's not affordable anymore. On the other side, Genya is back to Japan after 17 years living overseas, ready to ruin his father's attempts to save face after several mistakes.

Both are on the edge, about to fall apart.

What will happen once their different worlds collide?

One of those fics that make you squirm under the blankets at 2am because you just can’t stop reading.

A tale of young love and starry nights by kenmagoesblep, 3k

(Canon Divergence, Post-Canon, Fix-it, Fluff and Humor, Getting together, Love Confessions, Festivals, Minor Spoilers)

The sun is already down by the time they arrive and the colorful paper lanterns bathe the streets with a faint whimsical warm glow, highlighting the easy smiles of the festival attendees and the natural glisten of the fresh food in the stalls. Their eyes immediately go to the makeshift gate made with bent bamboo, all adorned with people’s written wishes, to be sent to the heavens by the end of the night.

Genya’s handwriting is shaky but hopefully the crooked words will carry his wish just fine.

Sweet, sweet, sweet.

diet soda society by beecalm, 6k

(Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Humor, Genya makes bad life choices, Brunch, No Spoilers)

Genya knows he should just tell the truth. He got frustrated, and thought that strong words of persuasion would revive his bike from the dead. Non-judgemental as he is, Tanjiro would probably just laugh it off and walk home with a smile on his face.

“I got into a fight,” Genya lies, instead.

(or; Genya yells at his bike, lies about his ability to kick ass, and gets indoctrinated into Kamado Tanjiro’s Saturday morning brunch club.)

GenTan + friends in a super silly and funny scenario.

July by 125389, 45k

(Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Canon Compliant, Modern Setting, Reincarnation, Manga Finale Spoilers)

It could've been just another weekend, just another month, just another season passing by, but instead they made that summer theirs.

Two teens discovering love naturally and intensely. Tears were shed and hearts were healed. It might or might not be a Fix-it.

Tonight’s sky by Wild_Quetzal, 6k

(Canon Compliant, Missing Scene, Hashira Training Arc, Introspection, Pining, Arguing, Light Angst, Fluff, First Dates, First Kiss, Hopeful Ending)

Tanjirou didn’t recall having watched so many people gathered before, not even when his sister and him went to Asakusa. Everything was so appealing and, at the same time, disorienting for him.

He would’ve been feeling lost if it wasn’t because Genya was beside him.

(Or, sharing a night at a festival with Genya should’ve been easy, if it wasn’t for an unexpected event and Tanjirou himself getting in the way)

Yes, we got to the self-promotion part. I’m especially proud of this one <3

And last but not least!

Todo empezó con (un beso) una despedida by Dogchasingcars, 20k

(Manga Spoilers, Post-Canon, First Kiss, Love Letters, Long-Distance Relationship, Reunited and it feels so good, Family Bonding, Angst with a Happy Ending)

Lo que inicia como una breve despedida y la promesa de reunirse pronto (sellada con un beso), termina volviéndose una larga espera para volver a verse.

Because we’re not gonna leave the Spanish-speaking side of the fandom empty handed and it’s one of my favorite GenTan fics of all time. Melancólico y dulce, todo el dolor vale la pena.

[nexility-sims]

𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐡   |   BREIZH, ARMORICA 2008

❧  happy birthday, beloved friend @armoricaroyalty ! this post is so late, but it's done, and i'm happy to share it. i'll save the huge mushy note and just say i'm so grateful to have spent all this time building the best expanded crossover universe ever, to which "collabs" doesn't do justice—that, plus all the friendship stuff, too :^)

‎‎‎‎‎❛ Elise, in a restaurant she had never been to, wearing a dress she had never worn, waiting for someone she hadn’t seen in years, was uncomfortable. She maintained a good façade, however. Pretending her confidence was unshaken had become a skill. The doubt crept in as she pushed herself into ill-fitting molds—ones that, even after all this time, she couldn’t break herself enough to suit. At her best, she didn’t want to. The pressure got to her other times. She had felt it like an unwanted touch as she stood in front of a mirror and regarded the assistant who dressed her with wary eyes. Before instructing them to pull a dress to pair with heels and jewelry, she had swallowed her pride. She could imagine, even if she didn’t know what Leonor may wear to a luncheon, how it would feel to sit across from her. She wanted to be secure and able to enjoy herself, and the price was this particular kind of discomfort.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐝 & 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭 ↓

Yet, once they embraced and began to talk, it dissipated. They had both changed over the years, although Leonor especially. She wasn’t the round-faced young woman—just a girl, really, barely out of her teenage awkwardness—Elise remembered. Still, they were transported from their table for two and back to the summer house. Some of the memories were still fond ones. They had talked and laughed many times before, whether as they had breakfast in the kitchen or as they watched Roz carefully collect shells on the beach. Leonor remembered the good times, too. Though this was the first time she requested to meet, Elise had received bouquets on the occasions she was in Armorica, either on her own diplomatic business or accompanying her husband. She knew Elise liked white roses. The note, always a thick card from Breizh’s premier florist, would bear only a signature.

She hadn’t needed Leonor to say anything, but it meant something now that she did.

TRANSCRIPT:

{Indistinct conversation, light music}

[S] May I bring you something else while you wait, Your Majesty? [E] “Ma’am,” please. And, no, thank you. I think that’s her now.

[L] What a treat!

[E] How long has it been? Almost a decade? [L] Since the wedding.

[E] So, tell me everything. How are you? [L] {Exhales heavily}

[L] I haven’t slept more than five hours in as many years, and I can count the days off on my hands, but I love every minute of it.

[E] It must be interesting work then. [R] Rarely boring.

[E] I enjoy having so much time with my children, really, but … I do wish I had more time for the kinds of things you do. [L] “Armorica’s Mother of the Year, Every Year.” Modiste.

[E] Women can have it all now, can’t they? [L] They can. You can. You’re a queen, Elise. You can have whatever you want. [E] It’s not that simple.

[L] It is. [E] There are expectations, and other people are involved in— [L] I’m sorry, Elise, but I know you. You’re confident, capable, and very smart. You should be able to do more than tote around babies and smile for family photos. It’s their loss if you can’t.

[E] I knew what I signed up for when I married in. I’m happy. Do I wish I could do more interesting and important work? Well, not that the children aren’t interesting and important, but… [L] {Laughs} I know what you mean. And, you know—

[S] Ma’am? Your Highness? May I send your requests to the chef? [E] Oh … We didn’t even look at the menu! [S] It’s prix fixe today, but I have been instructed to assure you we can prepare anything you desire, within reason.

[E] I’ll have what she’s having. [L] {Chuckles} To start, have Abelardo make us turkey stew. He’ll know which. [S] | I’ll tell him, Your Highness.

[E] Now, I have to ask: how is it, having your own little one? She’s getting big now, right? What’s she like? [L] {Laughs} She’s five—what is there to say?

[L] I stopped taking to her to work when the breastfeeding stopped … Three years ago? Dan and I try, but I’ve heard her call the nanny “mama” by accident more than I care to admit. We went to a dance recital before the trip. She already works so hard. It’s precious. [E] Precious is right! Sounds like she takes after her mother.

[E] I remember when mine were that age. You know what Rosalind was like! Freddy? Completely different, and Jacques—

{Elise continues talking}

{Elise, talking}

[E] —and, of course, Roz being Roz, she told Freddy— [L] I have a proposal for you.

[L] Dan and I were considering inviting you and Andre to dinner sometime this week. Do you think he would be interested? [E] Um—dinner? [L] I’d like to invite Roz, too.

[E] Well, I’m not sure. It is last minute, and they both have such full schedules all the time. I could suggest it to him and see, but— [L] Elise, it’s fine.

[L] It was an idea. I can see them another time. I’m just pleased that you were available so last minute. [E] I’m glad, too.

[L] I mean it, really. We haven’t had a proper conversation in a very long time, and I’m grateful you wanted to spend time with me. [E] Thank you for asking me out. Usually it’s just the flowers.

[L] I respect and care for you, Elise. [E] That’s very sweet … [L] I always have, and I always will. I didn’t always show it—quite the opposite—but it’s important to me that you know that.

[E] I believe you. I do.

[L] Oh, do you smell that? Chili, achiote … [E] Sounds spicy. [L] {Snickers}

[L] I had an idea while we were splitting that poached pear. [E] Did you? [L] An interesting and important opportunity for you. [E] Leonor… [L] | Leave it all to me. I insist.

[E] Thank you. [L] My pleasure.

[beom1e]

ephemeral sixteen | thank you

genre fluff, slice-of-life. warning anxiety, alcohol, details of kissing. playlist ml. wc 925.

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you wished that you had actually taken yeonjun’s offer to pick you up a little earlier, now that you were walking in the cold. beomgyu was grumpy because you were too cold to hold his hand, and you were feeling sick with social anxiety.

‘i can’t do it,’ you stopped in your tracks, reaching for beomgyu’s arm to stop him too. ‘i won’t know anyone there, and i’m evidently not good at making friends.’

‘you know me and four other people,’ he grabbed your hand and tugged you along with him. ‘as much as i would like to pity you and take you back home, it’d be a very cold thirty-minute walk back to our building.’

‘please, ‘gyu,’ you turned into an anchor, refusing to let him pull you any closer to the tall building. ‘i’m way too anxious.’

‘y/n,’ he stood in front of you, maintaining eye contact. ‘i promise you that you’ll regret going home right now. i’m going to be by your side the whole night, and if you still don’t want to be there after ten minutes, we’ll go back to my place and watch a cheesy romance movie instead.’

‘pinky promise?’ you frowned, holding out your pinky finger.

‘i do,’ he linked his pinky with yours, and pressed your thumbs together to seal it. ‘i’ll take care of you.’

you may have been a little dramatic. at first, the loud music and various voices had made you question all of your decisions leading up to that moment, but walking into the apartment proved to you that it would be a lot more fun than you’d expected. the hosts came right up to you to greet you and sweep you away from beomgyu, excited to see you at a party for the first time since they’d known of your existence. after you had been given a short tour, shown a safe place to leave your belongings and introduced to a few strangers, beomgyu had returned with two drinks.

there was so much to do. a group playing card games in the kitchen, a makeshift beer pong along the dining table, a childish game of spin the bottle on the living room floor, beomgyu’s friends laughing about something on the couch, and a small group of girls dancing beside the speaker.

you followed beomgyu to the couch and he pulled you into his lap, not afraid to show off your relationship to the rest of the partygoers. he joined the conversation at hand whilst you sipped from your cup filled with a vodka mixed drink. and then, a question was directed towards you thanks to taehyun.

‘didn’t you first meet beomgyu at one of these parties?’ he spoke, and the boys all turned their attention towards you.

‘um, yeah,’ you shrugged. ‘my best friend used to drag me along to as many of these as they could in my first year.’

you felt beomgyu’s hand on your thigh. it was his way of subtly comforting you at the mention of your best friend.

‘your friend?’ kai spoke, leaning forward. ‘do we know them?’

‘you might’ve,’ you smiled sadly. ‘they passed away only a few months into our first year here.’

‘i’m sorry, y/n,’ soobin frowned. ‘we didn’t know.’

‘it’s okay, guys,’ you smiled softly. ‘i try not to think of them as gone anymore, because the memories are enough.’

‘should we get another drink?’ beomgyu distracted, and you agreed before being ushered away by him.

the more drunk you got, the more comfortable you became. after joining in on every game you possibly could, beomgyu had somehow convinced you to dance with him. a slow song was playing through the speaker as he twirled you around and pulled you back towards him. yeonjun had found interest in a stranger and was flirting his way towards getting their number, kai and taehyun had taken over the beer pong table for the past three games, and soobin was sitting on the floor for a final game of ‘never have i ever’.

in his drunken confidence, beomgyu pressed his lips to yours. you had to grip onto his shoulders to ground yourself, still dizzy and unstable from the dancing and alcohol mixture. his arms were wrapped tightly around your waist to keep you close, and you felt yourself smiling into the kiss.

he pulled away momentarily to look into your eyes, his gaze filled with so much emotion. this time, you looped your arms around his neck and pushed yourself up to meet his height. he dipped his head back down to kiss you once again, leaving you both to forget about the space around you.

‘get a room!’ kai yelled as he stepped back into the room, throwing a ping pong ball in your direction. thankfully, it bounced off the wall and missed you both completely.

half an hour later, you were saying your goodbyes to yeonjun and soobin who had came down to the lobby with you. beomgyu was busy fastening your coat whilst you were being coerced into promising to attend more of their parties, but it was all very light-hearted. they soon headed back towards the elevators, with your boyfriend taking your hand and leading you away from them.

‘thank you,’ you turned your head to side in order to take in the sight of him, smiling to yourself.

‘for what?’ he met your eyes, breaking out into a smile himself.

‘for not allowing me to give up,’ you leaned to press a short kiss to his lips, feeling at peace.

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[idontknowreallywhy]

WIP Wednesday

A longish one for a WIP but have been toying with this conversion for a fair old while and it contains one of my most persistent headcanons for Scott.

Set in mine and @sofasurf’s ‘Scott finds a friend he can talk to’ story but you don’t need much of the backstory for this part only that ten years beforehand he saves her in Bereznik but thought he’d failed and made things worse and got her killed.

Is fairly dialogue heavy and that might need some adjustment and it possibly suffers from not including the first half of the conversation but that is less well progressed is is more backstory dependent so I’ll leave it out for today and… <insert more disclaimers and self deprecating blathering here> eh… *throws words*.

If you read it me know what you think? Do you agree?

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

“So… we covered my fatal flaw and I think we’ve established I would be a very tragic but ultimately tedious Greek hero. Your turn… what do you think yours might be?”

“Probably the same as yours.”

“Uh uh no, that’s cheating, you don’t get to steal mine. Pick your own. Or… I guess you could pick Dare but I warn you I have some pretty evil ideas for those.”

He spun the question card between his finger and thumb for a few moments then placed it down carefully and picked up the cafetière and topped up their coffee cups in a transparent effect to buy time. Estera was surprised to see him absent-mindedly adding a lump of sugar into his. Scott never had sugar! She was about to question this deviation but he suddenly spoke up:

“Alright I’ll tell you but you have to promise not to freak out.”

“Why would I freak out?”

“Because I’m not good at explaining these things and it might sound like something it isn’t. But it’s not that. It’s just… people tend to panic.”

“At this rate you’re more likely to freak me out with the disclaimers, Blue. But sure, I promise.”

He emitted a short sharp laugh and then downed half his cup of coffee, his eyebrows twisting comically as he registered it tasting sweeter than usual.

“I live in the here and now.”

Not what she was expecting. Estera did her best to maintain a neutral expression so as to not give him reason to think she wouldn’t keep her promise.

“Ok. Tell me why you think that is a flaw.”

His lips twitched silently as he appeared to be about to speak then caught himself three or four times before:

“I mean I don’t have a very clear concept of anything beyond now. I don’t imagine my future like most people seem to… like my brothers do.”

She went to speak but held back sensing there was more.

“I’ve never really pictured myself as old, for example. Or with kids… I do love kids, you probably figured that out by now… but I figure I had my shot at parenting with Alan and Gordon and… well they turned out ok I guess so… you know… I did my bit there.”

“I think you’d be a be a great father.”

“Oh I don’t doubt it! Sorry that sounds weirdly big headed… um… I mean I think it would come naturally to me but I just can’t… see it? I don’t think I’m destined to see it.”

“Why not?”

“Dunno. Just always had the feeling I wasn’t here for the long haul? Live fast die young, you know? Had a bit of a hedonistic streak in my late teens which, uh, the less said about that the better I think. But then after… when I thought you…”

He paused and downed the rest of the cup and returned it to the saucer with a clatter than made them both flinch

“Sorry! Uh, when I thought you were dead, that I’d failed you by storming into a situation like the arrogant flyboy I was” he held up a hand to forestall her objection “And I still didn’t die out there against all the odds… Well, I figured that whatever time I had left I had to use it well. I wanted to make up for failing you by helping as many people, doing as much good as I could. Actually thought about training as a paramedic but then Dad came up with the Big International Rescue Idea and everything suddenly made sense.”

Estera was struggling to keep the promise about not freaking out.

“Are you saying you’re only planning to be here as long as you are useful?”

“No! No, see, that’s not what I mean. I would never… I have no desire to, stop. That’s not what it is. I know I’m needed. I can do good. I want to be here. I’ve not got a death wish, whatever Virgil yells at me down the comm.”

Estera suddenly had a vivid recollection of the voice in the cave, before Scott had cut him off. At the time she’d thought the almost-growl she heard over the comm had betrayed barely-contained irritation and had wondered a little at the professionalism of that but now she’d met Virgil… now she really thought about it she wondered if in fact the tension in his voice had been fear.

“So why would you say that is your fatal flaw?”

“I guess maybe it means when I have a decision to make in the moment I only make it based on that moment. Can I make a difference or not? Can I save them or not? I believe my brothers have other considerations, dreams they instinctively hold on to, which complicate those decisions.”

“I see.”

She sipped her own coffee and watched him slump into his chair.

“You think I’m crazy don’t you?”

“No.”

“But…?”

“But… nothing. I can see how your logic works and it matches what I’ve seen of your personality and your actions.”

“Mmmmm and you’ve told me off for it before.”

“I have.”

She nudged the last scone in his direction and then cleared her throat.

“The part I don’t agree with is that not being able to see past the short term means you won’t have… or don’t deserve a long term. I wonder if you’ve been telling yourself a lie all these years because you were afraid of not being able to predict every outcome of your actions. So you told yourself that if you don’t see it it doesn’t exist so it doesn’t matter.”

He frowned, but didn’t disagree.

“What future do you see for your brothers?”

He snorted “Oh, Virgil will have about twelve children if he has any say in it.” His shoulders relaxed as he smiled fondly “Gordon too would love a family I am sure of that. John… I think when space gets too much for him, academia will call. Alan… I don’t know yet. He’s a little too much like me” Scott’s jaw twitched slightly “but I’m trying to encourage his other interests, he likes racing cars and his gaming stuff. And he’s smarter than any of us so he could be anything he wanted. Maybe he’ll make incredible discoveries or be an explorer.” He chuckled affectionately “Or he’ll go entirely rogue and be world president or something.”

“I’ll remember to stay on his good side then!”

“Probably for the best.”

Scott chuckled and the smile remained on his face but seemed to leave his eyes. He had stopped eating the scone but was rapidly turning it into a pile of jammy crumbs. Estera reached over and took hold of one of his sticky hands, resisting the urge to pull out a wet wipe to deal with it.

“Ok how about this… can you imagine yourself watching them achieve these dreams and cheering them on? Being crazy uncle Scott who allows the kids to do all the dangerous stunts their parents would ground them for… buying John’s incomprehensible books to display in your bookcase and pretend you totally read and understood, and cheering Alan on as he’s inaugurated?”

The genuine smile crept back on to his face. “Yeah.”

“Hold on to that then. Next time you’re out. As a reason to stay. Until you find your own.”

He looked up at her in surprise and appeared about to say something when he was thrown nearly off his chair by a small human cannonball slamming into his side.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

[pyrus-salicifolia]

I don’t know, I still have a hard time making friends even with other autistic people.

When I got my diagnosis a while ago, I kinda expected that I’d start talking to autistic people and make a bunch of friends and be effectively “fixed”. Since logically, I thought, I’d be able to communicate perfectly fine with people with the same thought process and struggles as me. We’d really get each other and become best friends.

That didn’t happen and I cried a lot. I can’t be the only one who experienced this, right? I feel like this is how autistic friendships are often portrayed. And sure, I have a few autistic friends who I’ve really bonded with, but it’s equally as difficult as maintaining a relationship with anyone else sometimes.

Like, I don’t see a lot of people talking about how you’re still autistic around other autistic people. You still have communication differences and difficulties around other autistic people. Yes sometimes the communication issues are a byproduct of objectively unreasonable societal rules, but other times you just find it difficult to start a conversation. And when the person you want to be friends with also finds it difficult to start a conversation, you might just end up not talking at all. Not being able to show interest (at least in a way other people can perceive or understand) is another example I can think of.

I’ve thought a lot about this lately as I’ve tried getting to know another autistic person and building a friendship with them. I’ve talked to them about, and the feeling seems to be mutual so this doesn’t come from one-sided attempts. Once we actually get going and have a conversation, I feel so comfortable and able to be myself, and I have so much fun. But we rarely get to that point ‘cause we both find it hard to approach the other. When I feel like I want to talk to them, but can’t make myself, and when they haven’t talked to me in a while, I find myself thinking the same things I think when I want to talk to an allistic person: “why can’t I just be normal?”, “why is it so difficult to start a conversation?”, “how am I supposed to react to this?” and so on. And it’s so frustrating because I have so much to say and I know it’s fun to talk to them.

I don’t know how well I articulated myself there, but I just wanted to express my frustration and hopefully prompt other people to discuss this. I don’t want to feel alone in this.