#i can see why people might be dissatisfied with her ending

[mmxxviii]

not gonna put this on the post itself bc that feels rude and i think this is maybe an unpopular opinion but actually i don’t feel like maddie’s ending was bad or wrong in any way! it felt like a happy ending for her, whether or not it was considered a happy ending for the audience.

the thing is, is maddie is the middle ground. she cares about felice and her feelings, and she agrees with some of felice’s criticisms about the school (verbally or through her actions), but she never truly goes all the way. she reassures stella and fredrika that if the school was going to close because of what felice said, it would have already, but she doesn’t reassure felice that she was allowed to say whatever she needed to say. in a lot of the conflicts between felice and stella and fredrika, maddie is a silent bystander or a mediator. she is just as hard for felice to be honest with as stella and fredrika. she doesn’t take a side. stella and fredrika want everything to remain as it was—they want to uphold the status quo and keep their traditions. felice sees the problems with this, and tells the truth, which brings the whole thing down. maddie sees the problems, but doesn’t actually seem to care about changing them in a significant way. and that’s why she doesn’t get to get her “happy ending” at the end of the season (although again i do think she was happy with her ending! this was happy for her!).

i love maddie! a lot! i think she’s certainly more likeable than stella and fredrika and much less classist. i would have liked to see her get more screen time, and if she had, that might have changed my position on her ending, but as it is, i think it feels like the right choice for her and her character. with the open-endedness, i think she and felice will remain friends in the future, and things might happen that we don’t get to see, but that doesn’t need to be shown on screen.

[canine-economy]

On Swansea’s (often understated) role in Mouthwashing

I say this as a big swansea fan but I don’t rlly understand why ppl are acting like he’s not also complicit in what happened to Anya? AUs where “Anya tells Swansea” and he jumps to violently defend her don’t make sense to me because canonically she does tell him, as he admits to Jimmy. But swansea represents another way of interacting with the capitalist heteropatriarchy that ALSO harms victims: holistic jadedness and resignation.

Swansea is across the board unkind to the Tulpar crew. We can’t forget that he calls anya a “so-called nurse”

and says this to Jimmy, which (if unintentionally) reiterates Jimmy’s own warped perception of Anya’s usefulness and competence. This allows Jimmy to feel justified in his imagination of the nurse’s inferiority. Swansea’s clear lack of respect for Jimmy does less to hurt Jimmy than his lack of respect for Anya harms Anya, because at the end of the day, Swansea’s attitude is contextualized by the violent culture it exists in and he does nothing to reconcile with that when Jimmy becomes the captain. His resignation can thus be weaponized even by Jimmy, a man who Swansea disrespects but whose power he doesn’t try to meaningfully jeopardize, because his across-the-board disdain punches people already marginalized by the environment twice as hard as it does those with power.

Swansea doesn’t position himself as an ally, he positions himself as willfully uninvolved in everything, an observer to the shitshow ride to hell. Just because he dislikes Jimmy doesn’t mean he aligns with Anya. He makes it clear that he’s not on her side, either. After a life of doing what he felt was expected of him, Swansea on the Tulpar looks out for Swansea and Swansea’s comfort. In trying to situate himself outside of the politics of it all as an older white man, he simply allows them to play out. The toxic culture keeps existing, playing out in the microcosm that is this freighter, and Swansea in all his experience recognizes that shit has hit the fan and elects to coast through it, even explicitly numbing himself to it by breaking his sobriety. It is, of course, hard to force yourself to be sober—to see clearly. But had Swansea forced himself to get involved sooner, he might have set a precedent for Daisuke to recognize Jimmy’s abuse, which could have saved Daisuke’s life as well as created a safe space for Anya. But Swansea’s inaction forces both victims to confront an abuser on their own, unable to reap benefits from his privilege and experience.

Jimmy is clearly intimidated by swansea in a way he is not by Anya, Daisuke, or a post-crash Curly (Swansea, for example, physically manifests as an aggressor in Jimmy’s “responsibility sequences”, and Jimmy ties Swansea up to avoid what he sees as the real possibility of pushback that he doesn’t conceive of Anya being able to do). Swansea has a power he does not act on or with until it is far, far too late. In fact, he acknowledges in his final monologue that he was dissatisfied with the discomfort with opening his eyes and living an exemplary “good man”s life. The best days of his life are ones in which he’s belligerently drunk—days in which he didn’t have to hold himself accountable. He regrets the life he spent performing for higher-ups and we watch him reject it by scorning Captain Jimmy, but he also doesn’t want to be held responsible for helping other people when it’s their turn to endure the expectations and violence from similar (if not the same) higher powers. Tragically, he possesses the hindsight to recognize that how he acted on the Tulpar consequently wasn’t what Daisuke needed out of a role model, leading to Daisuke becoming a victim. His hands-off approach to emotional engagement with his young male intern (another symptom of patriarchal gender norms) may have been to avoid Daisuke turning out miserable and jaded like himself, but it doesn’t actually indicate to an already-confused Daisuke what the dangers of that attitude are. Swansea never admits his own shortcomings in a tangible way which, had they come from a man with experience and prestige like himself, may have shifted that culture that failed Anya. She comes to him with the story not because he has situated himself as any earnest friend, but likely out of desperation on a ship Jimmy now controls.

When we allow “the machine” (Swansea’s own words) to beat us down to the point that we don’t find it productive to challenge unjust power dynamics, we become complicit. I think too many people get hung up on his disdain for Jimmy and Jimmy’s fear of Swansea as a marker of allyship with Anya, but the truth is that Swansea. Is a bad ally. He’s hardly one at all. His long stint in the demanding capitalist environment molded a perfectly complicit result out of him, as it aspires to do, even if Swansea bitterly recognizes that. Jimmy’s overt violence from a position of power is a different and much more brutal approach to abuse enabled by people who have been left too tired and bitter to care that he does it. A man who could’ve intimidated and even threatened Jimmy is too resigned to try until there is literally nobody but himself left to fight for, which is an attitude carefully cultivated among the lower rungs of hierarchies to keep the top safe. Swansea in particular seems very unhappy with the capitalistic, patriarchal expectations laid out for him as a father, husband, and laborer. This becomes particularly resonant when you realize the symbolism of his role as mechanic: a job that can be deeply unpersonal, tasked with keeping the ship (the machine, if you will) itself going while other roles are more focused on managing the humans inside of it (e.g. nurse, captain). His decision to just stop trying and spare himself the grief instead of questioning why those expectations exist and how they would hurt the others onboard only delays him being directly targeted by Jimmy and doesn’t interrupt the latter’s violence.

Not a single man in mouthwashing is innocent in Anya’s victimhood. This is a statement tentatively uninclusive of Daisuke, because I think the game very deliberately positions him outside of manhood through his youth and thus struggling with the concept of “fitting in” to the patriarchy. Curly, Jimmy, and Swansea all represent different failures that ultimately perpetuate Anya’s suffering and force her to defend herself and finally take her life into her own hands. A holistic analysis of rape culture in MW necessarily engages with all three of them. Only not being a friend and ally to rapists and other male abusers isn’t enough, and Swansea proves it.

[virginiathegray]

On Hardened Companions

I've seen some people wishing that Veilguard had more options to harden a character besides just Lucanis or Neve, so some thoughts: Firstly, I had this opinion while I was playing as well, so I absolutely see the appeal and why this belief occurs. However, after thinking about it more, I don't think it would have worked.

When I started thinking about how each companion could end up hardened, I went down the list and tried to figure out what plot-relevant things might achieve this...and I just kept coming up with events that already happen at the end of each companion quest.

Telling Harding to lean into her anger over the loss of the Titans? Making Emmrich a lich? Lucanis choosing to imprison his cousin even if Traviso was saved? Neve becoming Dock Town's Batman even if Minrathous is still standing? You get the idea.

Those seem like the more "hardened" options for those characters, but...are they? The whole point of those choices (to me) is that they are nuanced and don't have one right answer. Including a mechanic to incentivize one choice over another feels like it misses the point of why the choice is there.

I could go on about this forever, but ultimately let's move forward with the assumption that tying a hardened status to the companion quests would be dissatisfying and we're better off without it. If any other characters can be hardened, it has to come from the main story quests (as they did in the Traviso/Minrathous choice)

And I...can't really think of any?

I mean, I can, they just aren't very good. You could let the Dalish be sacrificed during the Venatori rally near the end of Act 2 and harden Bellara. I'm sure we could do something messed up regarding one of the many dragons in the game that pisses Taash off. Rook could tell Davin after Weisshaput that he's right actually, and he really SHOULD have died! Harding's could...involve the ritual site somehow? If we're a jerk about it or tell her to shut up about her powers? I don't know. I can't even begin to think of what main quest story could upset Emmrich to the point of being hardened, though. Peepaw's here for a good time.

Every above option teeters dangerously close to a total character assassination of Rook, in my view. These are not things Rook, in any of their many forms, would do. And truthfully, these things shouldn't make a companion hardened, they should make a companion leave your party. And that's not what this game is about.

Now, if you're one of those folks who wanted to be able to play evil, that's fine! There are games out there that will suit you better than this one. But at that point we get into the larger argument of what a Dragon Age game even is, and how playing an evil asshole was never actually on the table in the first place. If your script doctoring of the game involves a total rewrite that lets you kill Assan or kick Manfred in the shins, we might be at the juncture where we admit that this game isn't for you, and that's ok! Rook is not the protagonist you're looking for. They're a hero. Inexperienced and out of their depth, but a hero all the same. They will never knowingly make the choice to be cruel, which is why the sacrifices they DO make hit harder.

All this to say, the hardened feature works for Neve and Lucanis. It's fun that our choice of which city to save has consequences, and I empathize with the desire to have more of this mechanic in the game. I just...don't actually think the idea holds water once we dive into the narrative implications of implementing the mechanic on a wider scale. Rook DOES make many choices that affect the companions, but their effects aren't so easily spelled out as "softened or hardened" and tbh the game is all the better for it.

[hamliet]

Less of a question but I was never an avid manga reader till 2019 and mha was the first manga I kept track of weekly, and I read Tokyo ghoul after it ended, and seeing everyone be dissatisfied with how Tokyo ghoul ended after keeping up weekly is something I’m reminded of after seeing the latest chapter of mha. So this is what it feels like to witness 6 years of a character you hold in high regard be undermined(to put it lightly). I’m rather sad, but I can’t help but feel fondness for shigaraki even if the way he ended wasn’t satisfying, how do u feel about how mha has gone?

Yeah it does feel very reminiscent of Tokyo Ghoul in that they just went "ah yes, killing the right people is actually how we solve world issues." Which I find morally reprehensible, but also genuinely bad writing because the story as a whole doesn't support this message.

@linkspooky explained in her meta yesterday why Deku has completely failed as a character, and why the manga has failed thematically as a story. I'm just gonna say I completely agree with Link.

To be fair, I'm not sure Shigaraki is dead dead, but either way, it's bad writing and it doesn't conclude his arc with any sort of satisfactory element. Like, why would Shigaraki see Deku as different than anyone else who tried to punch him? That's nonsensical and written from the POV of an audience, not from Shigaraki's POV. It's like in Star Wars when Rey calls herself "Rey Skywalker" when she knew Luke for 3 days and none of the people she was actually close to (Leia, Han, Ben) were Skywalkers. That's writing for the audience, with their perspective, ignoring the logic of your story. It defies believability because the character does not have that perspective. It's "forced" because the audience can see the hand of the author.

If Shigaraki is dead dead... Not gonna Star Wars this one again, but since I also hated the ending of The Rise of Skywalker, I must make a comparison. The idea that Deku may have saved Shigaraki's heart but couldn't save his body (which to be honest, nothing in the actual chapter supports, but if he stays dead might be the argument) is still bad writing. Why? Because to Shigaraki didn't even make the decision himself. He didn't sacrifice anything. How can his heart be saved if he had nothing to do with it? Saving an object is easy as pie. Saving a person is different, and that's what the whole story has been about. Like, in TROS, Kylo Ren gave his life for Rey! Was it stupid? Yes! But at least his "saved heart" did something. Shigaraki's saved heart did what exactly?

So then, is the message that Deku failed? Then why isn't it framed as a failure? Why was BNHA never set up to be a grimdark tragedy? If he failed, then shouldn't he have a miserable ending? Unless it's "heroes always become bad guys and life is unfair," but then shouldn't Deku be framed critically?

Basically, Horikoshi can't come back writing-wise from this in BNHA, and it's sad to see.

Horikoshi's biggest flaw throughout the entire story was that he kept flip-flopping on what he wanted to say, and made the characters more about his trying to please every single fan than about being, well, characters to explore important questions he has that are worthwhile. And you can do this while still having a "cool" factor!

Instead the characters tell us one thing while cocooning Deku in the sweet bliss that no one ever has on this earth--being 100% right all the time. And it's sad, because BNHA had so much potential as a story to challenge its audience and entertain too.

I thought even if it flopped in some aspects it'd at least get this right. It's disappointing.

Anyways every day that goes by I want to send Isayama and his editors flowers for actually writing a thematically coherent ending, even if some aspects were dropped or messy along the way.

[pavel-chekov-appreciator]

I want better for Sybok.

I want a world where he got a fighting chance to do anything but become a cult leader. I’ve seen aus where he becomes a counselor and I can’t stop thinking about it.

No gods, no Sha-Ka-Ree, no cult. Just a kid who knows his history. Who researches Surak, and the world before him, and finds himself dissatisfied with present day Vulcan’s interpretations of his teachings. Unable to see the logic in following one ancient man’s words with no additional input or thought. Is this truly the best way for them to live? His mother didn't think so. He doesn't think so either.

He’s young, and he has big ideas and a lot of charisma, and a lot of inner pain from losing his mother and being suddenly told the way she was raising him was wrong. He quickly earns a reputation as a troublemaker. Indulging in blatant displays of emotionalism, just to prove his point, that he smiled and nothing bad happened, he cried and he felt better after.

He’s dissatisfied and ostracized and convinced there’s a better way to be living.

He fucks off at 18-not quite banished, but so strongly encouraged to leave that he might as well have been-and goes to a college on Earth, because the federation is a post-scarcity society so he has his basic needs met and he just wants to figure himself out, and where better to do that than a college campus, as far away from Vulcan society as possible. On his step-mother's home planet, where he knows at least a little of the culture, the language, what to expect.

He sees the school counselor a lot, and gets a lot out of their sessions. Takes some psychology courses and ends up getting really passionate about it.

Teaches himself to embrace his emotions while acknowledging that it’s very easy to be ruled by them. Utilizes aspects of traditional Vulcan control combined with the human practice of mindfulness to understand his emotions and control his strong impulse to act on them, without completely rejecting them. Knows he is choosing not to control his emotions, but he can and should control the actions he takes in response to them to avoid hurting himself or others. Knows that understanding why he feels a certain way can help him understand himself better.

Lives his best life and studies psychology to help other people find the same joy and peace he has, in whatever form that takes for them.

Then he finds out his baby bro basically told the VSA to fuck off and that dad more or less disowned him for joining Starfleet. Feels so damn proud of him for standing up the their parents like that.

Reunites with his brother after years of separation.

It’s rocky at first, but after both being disowned they’re all the family the other has left now, and they both do really care about each other.

Spock doesn’t understand Sybok’s choices, but he doesn’t need to understand them to respect them; Sybok is clearly still exercising some degree of control over himself, he even still meditates, he’s just controlling himself less, and differently, and his mind is more at peace than it’s ever been before. Sybok doesn’t really understand Spock’s continued dedication to logic either, but he respects it too, because clearly it still means something to Spock in a big way.

They make peace with each other, and their differences, and with the fact that their parents and society have rejected them. That Sybok did everything “wrong” and Spock did everything “right” and yet they both ended up in the same place; on Earth, with mom ignoring their calls, because she loved them both but she loves her husband more.

And ultimately he enrolls in Starfleet medical to become a ships counselor, because he still takes great joy in doing things he knows dad would hate, and because he wants to specialize in trauma and grief counseling and Starships need a lot of that, and because getting a new perspective on life from being around humans helped him a lot and he’s rejected a lot of philosophy that he found unhelpful but IDIC is something he still believes in; he wants to be around as many different ideas and perspectives as he can to improve himself and his practice, and Starfleet is a great way to do that.

Getting to follow his only remaining family into space is just a bonus.

[i-love-invincible]

Let's Talk About Atom Eve

Invincible Spoilers and Gore CW Abound! Please watch this incredible series... So who is ATOM EVE?

I would love to talk about this, but first we have to talk about character design in Invincible. The costumes, personalities, and heroes of Invincible are all self-referential. Take the Guardians of the Globe for instance, the first heroes we see on-screen.

We see these people, and IMMEDIATELY we get what they're about... even if these characters are new to us, we KNOW who they are. Flash, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, Batman, Green Lantern, all obvious parodies and fun little characters.

I'm sure your eyes will start glazing over once I go "blah blah subverting tropes blah blah absolute genius." but one thing that Invincible does very well is destroying the audience's connections with established superhero tropes (See the one million white boy video essayists talking about why Evil Superman is awesome.) The reason why the slaughter of the Guardians of the Globe in that fucking THREE MINUTE LONG SCENE is so surprising is because THEY ARE THE FUCKING JUSTICE LEAGUE (while the fight scene also conveniently tosses some casual shade to DC Comics.) Not only is it stunning since we have some frame of reference for how powerful they are, but also stunning because we have ALREADY become attached to these characters.

What follows are a couple real quotes from people I've shown the first episode to: "Oh Batman + Silver Surfer that's awesome!" "OH DUDE! FISH AQUAMAN" "Wonder Woman but she's a lesbian.. as she should be..." .. and all these people, the ones with the most superhero experience, were the ones all most taken aback by the ending.

So let's look at Eve.

At first glance, we get the same impression as a lot of the heroes we meet in Invincible: knockoff. In the same way Omniman and the entirety of the Guardians of the Globe are made to resemble the Superman and the Justice League so to does Atom Eve's costume and powers SCREAM token. She is the first female hero we meet that is Mark's age and perhaps more importantly (and more evident to a first-time viewer) she has some very clear themes of femininity. Such as her costume, which Doc Seismic callously points out in Episode 3 (neglecting the fact she designed her own costume)...

... as well as her name. "Atom Eve" is a combination of her ability to influence atoms and her middle name, but it is also a reference to Adam and Eve (see the bible.) She even has a female symbol with two revolving electrons around it emblazoned right on her damn shirt. So just like the Guardians of the Globe, her design is meant to carry a lot of weight and immediacy to the viewer, you see them and you understand who they are and what they stand for (or at least you think you do.)

So we've seen the way that the Guardians subvert our expectations so how does Eve diverge from the audience's first-impressions? Well for the first couple episodes she doesn't. You might even suspect her of being some one-dimensional, neglected and under-characterized female character (and to be honest if you were reading the comics you wouldn't be too far off...) until you start to see her dissatisfied with being a superhero. Her boyfriend cheats on her, the Teen Team breaks up, her parents consistently disrespect and talk down to her, she's misunderstood by the naive and silly Mark Grayson, and she struggles to find connection with anyone outside of when she's "beating up bad guys." She even goes as far as to reject a position in the Guardians of the Globe just to avoid her ex-boyfriend, despite her killer tryout.

She's frustrated by the frame that's been left for her, and realizes her powers enable her to do much more than beat up random villains. Her powers BY THE WAY, which up until now anyone could have mistaken for "shooting pink stuff," is actually atomic manipulation. She can just fucking rearrange matter to make anything she wants. So instead of being a superhero she fucks off to do things that ACTUALLY help people. Like idk she could be irrigating rivers and feeding the starving or like manufacturing free medicine or something. Atom Eve is a hero who is chronically misunderstood by literally everyone around her, even in the final episode Mark is under the impression Eve just stopped being a superhero to get away from her ex, parents, and school. However with the earth-shattering familial trauma that Mark goes through in the Season 1 finale, maybe they will have more in-common than either of them think.

and NOW there's a surprise ATOM EVE SPECIAL EPISODE! it shows off her origin story which goes even more in-depth into her trauma, and her loss of the only people who even WOULD be capable of understanding her. It also has my FAVORITE FIGHT SCENE OF ALL TIME!!! It was absolutely incredible

ps: omg why tf did they make her far-shot model have an x over the female symbol instead of the detailed electrons (crying emoji) cool i didnt proofread this okay i might do more of these okay bye, i love this show okay

[aoki553]

'bpd makoto teruhashi??'- a character analysis/yapping session because no one understands the siblings like i do

Time to turn the capslock on for this one! The writing might be incoherent, but I want to focus on getting my thoughts out with this one, so be aware. Let me start this post by clarifying - I am not a psychologist. This is for fun, done used resources I've found online. This is about an anime character, not about a real person's struggles.

Trigger warning for obvious sibling marriage romanticization mention sighhh like we aren't talking about it constantly when it comes to him apparently.

We all know the way Makoto has been protrayed in the series - a comically overexaggerated siscon. His portrayal makes many people uncomfortable due to his perverted obsessive behavior.

Except, I'm going to throw it all out the window cuz in this post I meant to take a look at his behavior from a fan's perspective without any biases like 'eww yucky siscon make me uncomfy'. NONE of that here.

I'll start by addressing the elephant in the room and the main reason i'm making this post: Makoto's obsession. Both of the Teruhashi siblings have obvious superiority complexes, however, Makoto is overshadowed by his little sister's charm, whom he idealizes and has an unhealthy attachment to. He's aware of his own charm and beauty, but only takes it to account to point out how he's the only one worthy of Kokomi's love and attention.

Kokomi has clearly been his whole world ever since she was born. A life-long fascination and attachment that went unnoticed. His perfect little sister is able to change his mood drastically whenever she's getting attention from anyone other than him or is even slightly dissatisfied with him.

He lacks a sense of self - only Kokomi matters for him. He's able to ditch his responsibilities in an instant, only to be with her. He's depicted as a cherub to Kokomi's goddess appearance in the mobile game and as a chauffeur in the Duet Shite KudaPsi anime end credits. Always below her, as her servant.

He becomes severely distressed and panics over even something so simple as a her getting a cold. (Just like everyone else at her school, but he's there for her.)

At all times he needs to make sure she isn't surrounded by men that are 'unworthy' of her, even to the point of stalking her to get some piece of mind. He craves her approval and cares for her like no one else in the entirety of the manga. (Example: Taking her to movie theatres and watch every movie he has ever starred in to show her.) These are signs of Kokomi being Makoto's 'favorite person'.

Awesome, but does it explain Makoto seeing her not as his sister, but as a future wife? Is it just him making things way creepier in his mind than they need? Yes, actually.

Makoto's overprotective and obsessive behavior is comically exaggerated, duh, but if we think about it for a second... Kokomi is a person he's been there for her whole life, he provides and protects her from unwanted attention. He dedicated his whole life to her and knowing there is an unavoidable future of his whole world collapsing because someone will take his place. Not as a siblings, but as a lover - something more important than family. How can he avoid this? By being the one to marry her, of course. No one but him is worthy of her anyway, right? Why should she need anyone else? No matter how messed up that sounds, it's his way of thinking.

Now let's go over some of the diagnostic criteria for BPD. I'll be using this site and infographic as my resource, just to give a few simple (but appropiate in my opinion) examples.

Fear of abandonment, rejection - while it's not explicitly stated, I believe his 'marriage' thing is just that. Not wanting to be abandonned and forgotten by the only person he loves and cares about. I don't believe he has any perverted motive behind it. Just fear and wanting her only for himself.

Idealization and devaluation - both extremes show up in his behavior. Most notably towards Kokomi or Kusuo. He's hostile and outright rude to Kusuo, but the moment Kokomi shows up he becomes all sunshine and rainbows. Another example of it is his indifference towards Kokomi's friends, compared to the excessive attention he gives to his sister. My theory is that Makoto doesn't have relationships due to a predisposition to making his relations with other people unstable, or never even bothering to try in the first place. (Like he is towards Ruchi, for example.)

Impulsivity and inappropiate anger - he rushes to anger the moment his love is threatened. A simple thought of Kokomi getting romantic advances enrages him. Even if it could cost him his career or his public image - something Kokomi cares about the most for herself, the opposite to her brother.

Emotional instability - we've only been shown his mood swings like the one below. If we got to see more of his personal life, this one would be much clearer, but it's something a siscon pun character doesn't get to have in a comedy manga, so I'll leave it at that.

Paranoia - Let the image below speak for itself... His delusions can be interpreted as a symptom on its own, too.

But what could've caused this? Since we never see what the Teruhashi siblings' parents are like, it's easy to assume Makoto has a role of her caretaker or a provider, due to only these two being ever shown living in the wealthy Teruhashi residency. The only time we ever see their parents being acknowledged is when Saiko spread a fake rumor of Mugami Tooru having an affair. Note: We never actually see them, we don't know if they're even there.

My personal theory is simple - Kokomi's charm and absent parental figures must've affected Makoto's development and made him emotionally dependent solely on Kokomi's well being. I'm taking his idol career into an account as well, since he must've been scouted into show business in his teens, or earlier. (He was already famous by 17.)

Conclusion: I think Makoto is an interesting example of a person with BPD in media, but I'm often disappointed how little we talk about it. Or maybe I'm just too obsessed with him to see him only as what he is on the surface. :3

PHEW. So after like 4 hours of trying to put my words into one big post I think that's all I had to say for now about this topic~! I have a lot of love for this boy and I really needed to get my thoughts out about this theory of mine. Sorry for unnecessary rambling and incoherence at times. Thanks for reading!

[hollownest-whore]

Can we have more info on God's War? :)

I'm curious on how the other Gods/Higher Beings feel about Radiance's new promotion

Gods Waaaaar! Teeheehee! Higher Beings hmmm

God I wrote a lot, short answer: Unn is relieved, Grimm and White Lady are vexed, and Shadelord is really annoyed and about to bite smn

Unn: Was surprisingly welcomed to the return of the Radiance, they originally co-existed in their separate domain with I'd assume mutual respect. I think it was honestly a relief, because it meant WL had less influence among the other Gods and Unn could reclaim her garden and her mosskin aswell depending on how readily she accepted her old ally.

Shadelord (not to be confused with ascended Ghost): "I'm back in the fucking building!!!!!" Genuinely is tired of the trivial back and fourth it is made to witness, the lord was once great and all consuming before light gods imposed themselves, and now they squander and squabble over hallownest. Nobody even knows the void was once a god except PK(hes doubtful) and Radiance(dormant when her people arrived) I think. Now that Wyrm is out of the way and hallownest is broken up it is the BEST time to put an end to this ridiculous nonsense.

WL: She is upseeeet! She is effectively been put on blast for being another one of the foreign gods to arrive to hallownest, I think it's a fun idea to imply that Wyrm's tunnels is what carried/lead WL to Hallownest. Her direct alliance and bias to PK means that her opinion is disregarded and most of her acquisitions were returned to their original owners. Isma, Dryya and Ogrim stay with her in her corner of the Garden called the Pale Thrush where a lot of palace artifacts were also rehomed ooooo something something I'll explore that later!

Grimm: "why do you keep fucking things up for me" easiest thing ever, easy as HELL let the Wyrm make his spawn, do the ritual. No more spawn, no eternal Hallownest, a ton of basic ass bugs now like chat I think we are fucked. The heart is mostly focused on ensuring the current Grimm vessel (I think they are young at this point..well young figuratively there is an ancient god in his soul) gets to any of PK's kin or maybe even try a shot w WL but that's a hard task

More Dreamer Stuff:

Lurien and Hegemol both are PK's left and right hand, of mind and of might. They have helped their king settle out in the wastes despite the hostile environment. Wyrm's light is probably the only thing keeping his (relatively) small group of worshippers alive.

Deepnest being closed off means they can continue preserving their way of life, Herrah is still expecting Hornet's arrival too because the negotiations got up to where the dreamers NEARLY went to rest. pretty much a good outlook for them..until the void 💀

Monomon is doing alright, she feels a bit dissatisfied with herself for changing her alignment despite being urged too by her fellow dreamers. Quirrel makes it easier, but Hallownest doesn't last eternal and soon he may leave her with age. The promise of eternity is one she misses.

Vessel Stuff:

The only living vessels are Hollow Ghost and Broken(not broken?) The infection is gone however so it's a mystery as to where or what their fate was. Originally they were all killed by the Radiance (later to be revived) but it might be something like she locks them away or they are with Wyrm (god wouldn't that be awful lol) I'm not entirely sure on the implications of having void beings will do for the narrative so let's see if that changes later!!!!

[katyspersonal]

I am kinda interested, what is Sulyvahn exactly? Is he supposed to be a tree? I checked out the design of many bosses and it does seem that having tree elements in his design isn't unique as there many characters who have these elements as well (demons,humans,giants etc..) , also his wings look very similar to the wings of the "angels" we see in lothric.

I am pretty sure that with whatever turmoil the developers faced upon creating this character and deciding what he'd be, in the end they've settled for him being either a half-tree or a quarter-tree! Also look at these images:

( x ) Ok sorry if I had to see it then so did you fdhjfhdssfd

Okay the thing about him, he was born in the Painted World, which would make him either a Tree Person or a Crow Person! He doesn't show any corvid features, and as for the wings, Tree People do have them anyways:

His mother likely was Tree Person!

( x ) The dialogue directly referencing this is a cut content, of course, but it is one of those moments where Fromsoft cuts something without actually cutting it!

There is this particular Tree Woman who guards one of his youth spells, who is also heard crying before you approach her! As for why I'd mention he could be '25% tree' and not just a Tree Person, I will just quote what @val-of-the-north already said on the potential of Gilligan being his father:

As for Gilligan, it's probably to mention it as a jokey what-if lmao. People aren't ready for the truth. The gist of it though, is that in the area with that angry tree woman, there's a hidden, comically long wooden ladder that only appears when you defeat all the tree women in the area. Stupidly long ladders are the dude's staple, so the theory goes that it was Gilligan's way to come down, meet his family, and leave. Suly's mother would then hide the ladder so no one could use it. Of course, her son would one day discover the illusion and leave, dissatisfied with the Painted World, and her mother never saw him again

It's also worth pointing out that you can find Gilligan in the game itself, though he isn't exactly in a living state. He is found in the Profaned Capital surrounded by his wooden ladders. Suly has also been there as part of his rise to power so there's a second connection lol. Interestingly enough, his spell descriptions mention he "had not yet experienced loss", which might imply he did experience it in the future. It could have been losing his dad

So yeah, it might sound like a shitpost but like.. Where is the evidence against this idea? fdsjfjhds So if he had a Tree Person mother (who is 50% tree) and a human father, that'd make him 25% tree. AND it works with how as you can see from his model, he IS notably more humanoid than an average Tree Person! Nonetheless, still absurdly tall hahah

Personally, I think he doesn't have a face, either 🤔 It looks like it's not a mask, but his head and "face" is JUST like this, featureless. We were not supposed to see him 'naked' by normal means in the game, of course, but Fromsoft is notorious for putting too much effort into something only like, 3 dataminers on Earth will appreciate xd They bothered to model him this way under his clothes, so I just take it as legit! Nor I think that he somehow 'lost' his normal face later on.. though this IS a good question as to why his wings are considerably bigger than average Tree Person's ones, so I'll think about it later,

[justlookfrightened]

Invisibility

A teeny Zimbits ficlet

“Hmm. Jack, if you could have a superpower, what would it be?”

Bitty looked up from his phone to ask the question of Jack, who was making an omelet for breakfast. It was one of Jack’s favorite things, to cook for Bitty, especially when there was a morning when they could both sleep (or not-sleep) in, and then cook and sit and eat and drink coffee and clean up together before even considering starting their day.

“I don’t know,” Jack said. “Mind reading, maybe? So people wouldn’t be so confusing all the time.”

Bitty considered the mess of motivations that had made him do anything from adding ginger to a peach pie to kissing Jack on the ice after he won the Stanley Cup.

“I’m not sure knowing what people are thinking would make things less confusing, sweet pea,” Bitty said. 

“What about you?” Jack asked. “What superpower would you have?”

“Invisibility,” Bitty replied immediately.

“You didn’t even think about that,” Jack said. “Anyway, why would you want to be invisible?”

“Why not?” Bitty said. “If you’re invisible, no one can hurt you.”

“Huh.” Jack gave a dissatisfied sort of grunt, and turned back to the eggs.

Bitty didn’t know why Jack was bothered. He’d always thought invisibility would be the best superpower for him, ever since he first considered the question.

He’d been in high school, clinging to the end of the bench at the lunch table where all the misfits sat. Well, the misfits-but-not-outcasts. It had a couple of band geeks, the one cheerleader who never sat with the rest, the kid who was always the stage manager and never on stage for the drama productions. The only student in Bitty’s class who played on the rec league hockey team had invited Bitty to join them, and Bitty was doing his best to not be relegated (again) to outcast status.

One of the girls — Bitty thought it was the cheerleader, but his memory might be faulty — had read the question out of a quiz in a magazine, and most people had answered things like flying or having super strength or x-ray vision. 

Then someone said they’d like to be invisible, in order to do whatever they wanted and never get caught, and Bitty had thought the idea of not being seen sounded like a kind of heaven. Not  that he wanted to avoid the blame for any misdeeds; he just didn’t want to be seen. If the football players couldn’t see him, they couldn’t push him into lockers or trip him near the top of the stairs. His Algebra II teacher couldn’t call him to the front of the room to solve impossible problems. If Coach couldn’t see him, he couldn’t “playfully” cuff him on the back of the head and ask when he’d find a girlfriend.

He’d miss his mama’s hugs, he thought. But maybe the power would allow him to be visible when he wanted to be, or maybe mama would just understand, and hug him when he told her he was there.

Ever since then, “invisibility” had been his stock answer to the superpower question. Even though there were no longer any football players dogging his steps, the idea of going through life unobserved, and thus uncriticized, had a more than passing appeal.

Apparently, his answer sparked more than passing thoughts in Jack, who brought it up as soon as breakfast was ready.

“I’d really miss being able to see you, bud,” Jack said.

“Yeah?” Bitty asked, purposely looking up at Jack through his eyelashes. “See something you like?”

“Always,” Jack said, “But I didn’t mean like that. I meant, I don’t like the idea of a world where you just disappeared. And I don’t understand how you can say you would want that, either. You’re always out there, whether it’s online or on the ice. You figure skated. You did a sport where, literally, everyone was looking at you because you were the only one to look at.”

“And I stopped doing that sport, because when people noticed, they decided I’d make a good tackling dummy,” Bitty said. “Figure skating was different. When I was on the ice, I was alone, and no one could get to me. No one could touch me. And when I make videos online, it’s kind of the same. No one can hurt me. Even if someone is rude in the comments, I can block them and move on. Aren’t there times you would have liked to be invisible, with the way people have invaded your privacy?”

“Sure, sometimes,” Jack answered. “But not for long. And I remember that the problem is their behavior, not my existence.”

“I never said I didn’t want to exist,” Bitty said. “I just want people to leave me alone.”

“Even me?” Jack’s voice was small. 

“Never you,” Bitty said. “Well … there were some times my freshman year. But not now. I want people to live my life and keep their nastiness to themselves. And my life includes you.”

“That’s good,” Jack said. “And for the record, I think it’s good that people can see you. I think they need to see you, because you are strong and determined and good. Sorry if that sounds corny. I don’t mean it to be. I really believe that you are good, and people need to see that.”

Bitty was nearly tearing up.

“Oh, come on,” Bitty said. “Don’t be so nice to me! You’re gonna make me cry. I do appreciate that’s how you feel. And maybe … maybe it is different now. Now that we’re together, and I don’t feel alone.”

“So, if not invisibility, then what?”

“Have you ever thought about what it would feel like to fly?” 

[theweeklydiscourse]

I feel like any alternate ending of Shadow & Bone that involves Alina losing her powers is inherently flawed.

For example, I’ve see people say that they could accept the Ruin and Rising ending if Alina actually CHOSE to give up her powers as opposed to them being stripped away by as punishment for her “greed”. Another potential ending I’ve seen involved Alina undergoing an actual corruption arc before losing her powers as a consequence for her wrongdoings. But I can’t help but feel that these endings are still dissatisfying.

Having her powers, and by extension her status as a minority in Ravka, taken from her gives her the easy way out and does not actually challenge Alina in a meaningful way. Why go through the difficulties of embracing your differences in the face of an intolerant society when you can simply be cured of those differences and assimilate? Of course, Alina loses a great deal when she loses her powers but what gives her ending the illusion of happiness is the fact that she gets to abandon all responsibility she had to her community and blithely trot her way into a life of obscurity where she never has to do the work of embracing who she truly is.

But of course, because her powers are intertwined with the Darkling due the fact that they are symbolic opposites any ending where he dies would be unsatisfying. LB would have to change the Darkling’s character quite radically to justify an ending where he is killed and Alina lives. The Darkling’s attempts to sway Alina by telling her that he is her only equal might be manipulative exempt for the fact that his claims are absolutely true! The contrary dynamic of Alina and the Darkling must remain in order for the story to be balanced and that balance cannot be achieved unless both of them reconcile.

Alina keeping her powers would deprive LB of taking the easy way out and using the Darkling as a convenient scapegoat to pin the systemic problems of Ravka (THAT SHE WROTE) onto. The story should have taken the route of a journey of self acceptance and liberation instead of glorifying repression and passivity.

[sevensoulmates]

I really appreciate you making the buddie meta post for 7x4, taking that many hours of your time just to write it and sharing it with us. I'm really grateful, I was literally giggling and kicking my feet while reading your post 💕

What a wonderful episode, it still feels like an out of body experience and I'm so happy Buck is finally free (I'm still in disbelief they gave us bi Buck in such a beautiful way).

I really wonder how they will give us the Eddie coming out arc. ¿Do you have any theories at the moment? Also why does it feels like Marisol will be kicking rocks sooner than expected? 👀

Thank you again ❤️

Thank you so much!! I mean I always have so many thoughts going round and round in my head about this show at all times so at least this gives me a place to put em.

I was beyond happy with everything we got in this episode. 10/10 no notes. I'm getting the feeling next episode is gonna be similar but is also gonna have some plot twists as well. The possibility of a double date has me V~I~B~R~A~T~I~N~G especially if Eddie doesn't realize the entire time that BuckTommy are on a date. Eddie and his queer blinders runs so deep and I want to see the way his face changes when he realizes.

I loved how they handled Buck having this discovery and I'm beyond happy they're not going the "gay for you" route with Buck (and I hope not with Eddie either). I'm glad Buck can exist in the world as a bisexual man outside of his relationships, but also in conjunction with them. They're all a part of him and he deserves to finally be settled in that aspect of who he is.

I do get the feeling that Buck's gonna be so swept up in the euphoria of figuring out his sexuality that he's likely going to be attributing a lot of those feelings to Tommy where he actually isn't wholly the cause. Don't get me wrong, I do think Buck is genuinely interested and attracted to Tommy, and I'm excited to see where that goes, but we're already getting some hints about potential issues with their relationship and I'm very intrigued about where that will go.

My prediction for Buck is that he's going to dive headfirst into whatever he has with Tommy and start seeking out the feelings/connection he has with Eddie, but in Tommy. I think the date will have some hints at Buck and Tommy trying to connect in certain ways and Buck in the back of his head finding *something* missing.

As for Eddie....HOO boy. I think that he's gonna be in for an interesting time. There's a chance he might break up with Marisol in 7x05, or I was also seeing spec about breaking up in 7x07, etc. IDK ANYMORE!! As much as I PERSONALLY would like to see them break up next episode, I think it would also be interesting to extend that relationship out a bit more just to show Eddie's sexual struggles and have her as a foil.

I'll give you what I would LIKE to see instead of what I speculate might happen because at this point the information we do know is confusing.

I would like to see Eddie feeling visibly weird about Buck dating Tommy. The reasons for him feeling that way can be nebulous at the start. I want this to cause some issues with Marisol, but I want his primary issues with Marisol explored separately from BuckTommy as well.

I would love to see more of his incompatibility with Marisol explored, whether that's in terms of how they act on a date, how they talk to each other, maybe even sexually (?). I want Eddie to genuinely start questioning why once again he's not feeling anything in a relationship with a woman. Like Ana could've been a fluke, but now Marisol too? I want him to think about why he just forces these relationships into something full-blown when most people would be able to recognize they're not attracted/into someone after the first few dates and end it.

I would love to see him possibly being dissatisfied with sex (if they go the demi route) and being really confused about if it's the sex itself, or the woman he's having sex with. I want some definitive building blocks for Eddie being like "I don't understand why I don't feel attraction to her" leading to an eventual "I don't feel attraction to women" realization. I think that Eddie's queer realization arc deserves more nuance and time put into it and a slow unveiling. I think it can still overlap with BuckTommy, with his feelings regarding them confusing him even more.

Buck getting kissed once by a man, understanding and accepting his sexuality right away, and being excited about it makes sense for his character. Eddie on the other hand I think is gonna struggle with it a lot more. I would like to see those struggles highlighted. Bring in more of his family (parents, sisters, etc) and show him struggling with heteronormativity around them. Show Eddie struggling to act "normal" in his interaction with BuckTommy when they're around him as a pair.

I would love it if a surprise kiss in the heat of the moment came in somewhere. Whether Buck is/isn't with Tommy and Eddie is/isn't with Marisol, would provide different ramifications. But I don't want the kiss to immediately lead to them getting together. I want them to have to sit with it, and maybe Eddie can then deconstruct his feelings about men, his sexuality, and his feelings for Buck at the same time. I wouldn't mind this struggle continuing over the hiatus and into the season 8 opener, or having this be a season 8 storyline altogether.

Either way, I do firmly believe Eddie's queer arc is coming down the line, and what we're seeing now is going to be the foundation for him to work up to it. As we know, Eddie doesn't really have sudden realizations. He kind of lets things build and build until it explodes and he is forced to sit down and think about it.

Also I don't believe Tim Minear about his "spur of the moment idea to have them kiss". What a liar. They were filming the scene with Buck, Tommy, and Eddie at the helicopter hangar back in January. That was a whole 3 months ago. Oliver literally said it was his first day back on set. You can't tell me you filmed that without knowing how the episode was gonna end, Tim. What a lying liar who lies. I do believe him that bringing Tommy in to replace Lucy probably meant they could streamline the queer Buck storyline faster in the season, but I firmly believe he knew they were planning to get to it at some point. There's no way Tim could've gotten the green light for it from ABC that fast without major lengthy discussions, both with TPTB and the writer's room. People take a long fucking time to respond to emails, Tim. Get better at lying.

[tadpolesonalgae]

Is there any other small/significant storyline that you changed from the original plan you had for cbmthy? Only if you want to share of course! I'm so in love with the fic I think about it constantly, can't get enough of it!!

Also, would you be willing to write drabbles once the fic is done? Like an Az pov, or an alt version of the events?

I hope this doesn't come off as me being dissatisfied, I'm just curious! In the end, it's your story and you know what's best!

(((I absolutely love what you've done with it)))

You're so sweet for asking this anon <3, thank you :')

(be warned I ramble quite a lot below)

the major pathway:

So I might repeat some I've already said, because I can't remember too well which once I've spoken about before, and most of the time I forget there was ever an alternative pathway until someone says something that reminds me of it! That being said, possibly one of the more extreme alternate pathways I briefly (not entirely seriously) considered taking the story along was that when Azriel takes the arrow and reader panics, thinking she's killed him, that instead of her sole intention being 'call for help' when her magic detonates, instead her intention is still to kill herself so she doesn't have to live with the guilt of murdering Azriel and that turns her magic malicious enough to result in Azriel's actual death! And almost reader's, too. I think I actually still have a draft tucked away somewhere for that potential ending, with reader living on in between worlds, thinking only Nesta can see her but pretends she can't (Nesta thinking she was seeing ghosts and becoming ill again, and trying to work through it), remaining trapped in the room where she killed Azriel, until Rhysand, filled with grief and misdirected hatred, turns her to mist for taking his brother :) Obviously, having it typed out, you can see why that didn't happen :)

The CBMTHY au, Slaughterhouse:

There was also a kind of au I was considering while thinking about reader possibly becoming a negative presence? I was thinking about writing something called Slaughterhouse, set a century or so after cbmthy! The rough outline was reader was deemed dangerous enough to be locked up in the prison after her initial outburst that tears through the magic of Prythian and sent the island into nuclear winter (thank you, Frozen), and then, all these decades later her cell is finally unlocked and the story follows as her and Azriel try to find the rest of the IC after the Prison fractured and Prythian was overtaken by the immortals once again! I still might write that one day as an au because while I despise horror and angst, I love me a good post-apocalyptic setting (thank you, tlou part 2)

Drabbles/aus

I think your idea sounds nice! With potentially writing short things once the story is completed? I have a few ideas that I just don't think would fit into the actual story so it would be nice to still get a chance to write them down afterwards if people enjoyed cbmthy's actual ending enough and found it satisfying enough to remain interested in it? I also think it would be a lot of fun to potentially write some of the cbmthy from Azriel's perspective once it's done, like what he thinks of Bas, how he felt when she ran away to autumn, what was going through his head when she kind of confessed to him in chapter 1 in the library? Those would definitely be drabbles I'd have to think long and hard about though, in order to get things right

And thank you for asking!!! It makes me so happy whenever anyone seems like they want to know more about cbmthy since it takes up such a large part of my mind now :')

Thank you for being interested in it <3

[dragonologist-phd]

Flip Flop: Burn clean. Give us more delightful Lilith content

(bonus)

New shapes: She falls in flames.

... I just really like Lilith as a character

Burn Clean

She Falls In Flames

fic ask game

aah thank you so much! i love writing Lilith, she's so fun to play around with

New Shapes:

This one is a collection of one-shots from throughout the game, so i'm thinking about other directions that Lilith's story as a whole could have gone...and honestly it's tough! i knew from the start that she would go Aeon/Devil, and that she would romance Wenduag, and there was never really any other path that tempted her

the closest i can think of is if she kept on the Aeon path instead of going Devil, which would not turn out well for her. she's too self serving to fully embrace the Aeon philosophy; there's no universe where she would erase herself from reality, so she'd end up an unfulfilled Aeon, always trying to access the full power but never being able to do what's required to leave herself behind. it'd be much more of a struggle!

Flip Flop:

(doing the whole thing would be too long, so i pulled a specific section i thought would be fun to flip!)

Lilith meets with Galfrey in the library, under the pretense of discussing the growing tensions within the city. The pretense is not wholly false; that is the subject of the meeting, but in truth Lilith is far more interested in measuring the growing tensions within Galfrey herself.

It does not take make nudging on Lilith’s part. The poor queen is just so stressed, so put-upon. Lilith can relate; she’s undergone her own stress quite recently, largely due to being tossed to the Abyss.

But she conceals these thoughts and instead offers the queen an attentive ear and a glass of wine, and that is all Galfrey needs to spill her thoughts.

“They call me a tyrant and a despot,” she says, fuming, and Lilith suppresses a smile. Good- those are exactly the terms she’d sent whispering through the dissatisfied troops.

“Yet,” the queen continues, gesturing to Lilith, not bothering to moderate her frustration. “They love you. As if they don’t know what you are. You have them chanting for Hell. Why is it me they hate?”

Lilith sips at her own wine, and unlike the queen she does not betray her temper. It is not the essence of the accusations that she minds. She has never made any attempts to hide what she is. It is the implication that she should feel any sense of shame over what she is that irritates her.

This is the very type of limitation that she endeavors to free Galfrey from.

“Love and hatred…” she muses, keeping her tone controlled and her eyes on Galfrey. “Is that really what matters to a ruler?”

Galfrey meets her gaze, adorably defiant. Her cheeks are flushed- from the wine? From anger? Or something else? Either way, it turns her cheeks a lovely color in the candlelight as she retorts, “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean.”

With a sigh, Lilith realizes she really is going to have to spell this out. “They don’t love me.”

“Of course not. They fear you. Forgive me, I assumed you were above such cliches.”

Lilith gives a thin smile as she takes another sip of wine. “They see my power. They want what I have. People like to be on the winning side. It’s as simple as that.”

Galfrey still has that stubborn shine to her eyes, but Lilith can see the way her words sink in. Try as she might to deny it, that is the truth. People like to be on the winning side- and none moreso than people in power.

Galfrey is no different. She doesn’t want to admit as much, not just yet. But she will.

“And yes,” Lilith adds, as Galfrey wrestles with herself, “call it cliche if you must, but most of them do fear me as well. And I am better off for it.”

You will be, too, in the end. Just wait and see.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Elieth.

_ “I apologize again for the inconvenience.”

“It’s fine,” B’Elanna said. “We’re both going the same way.”

The Klingon woman was walking with him through the quiet city streets. They were both on their way to the transport station and Tuvok had decided to walk rather than ride with anyone else. The fresh air would be…beneficial. 

It was surprisingly calm for a city at night. Even on Vulcan, nighttime was usually when the city came to life. Tuvok glanced up at the sky, looking for stars, and found only a swath of smooth black interrupted by jagged buildings.

“B’Elanna.”

The woman straightened. “Yes?”

“Have you ever heard the word pelrinah?” 

B’Elanna nodded. “Yeah, it’s Terrelian right? For gotcha.”

Tuvok narrowed his eyes. “Forgatcha?”

B’Elanna gestured but Tuvok didn’t know how to interpret it. He was still intoxicated and it was dark. He could only really see her in the lights from the businesses they passed.

“You know…um…gotcha! Like, fooled you.”

Tuvok blinked, turning forward once again.

B’Elanna smiled. “Did someone play a prank on you?”

“It would seem so,” Tuvok said thoughtfully.

“Maybe you should get them back,” B’Elanna suggested.

“I believe it would be in poor taste given the person in question is either in hospice or-” he paused, remembering that Terrelians did not have graves or funerals. He remembered the red bag. What did they do with their dead, if they didn’t bury them? 

“It just hits you sometimes, huh?” B’Elanna asked.

Tuvok tilted his head.

B’Elanna continued. “I’ll just be walking along, minding my own business and suddenly it’ll crash onto me like a ton of bricks aimed right for my chest; oh, she’s dead. He’s dead. They’re all dead.”

“You’re referring to the Maquis,” Tuvok guessed.

B’Elanna hummed in affirmation. “I know you probably don’t care about them but they were my friends. They were like family to me, really.”

“On the contrary, I believe that any loss of life is unfortunate.” Tuvok looked at the woman’s hazy profile. She seemed strangely energetic. From what he remembered of her she’d usually been somewhat agitated, frowning, she’d most often seemed…upset. Dissatisfied. He’d expected her to be even more so after ending her marriage to Tom Paris.

“Though I do not ‘care’ in the way you might feel is warranted, I do appreciate that their loss is not something to celebrate.”

B’Elanna exhaled, perhaps laughing. “Thanks Tuvok.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes and it occurred to Tuvok that they’d never really spoken like this aboard Voyager. There had never been any occasion for them to. When they spoke there had always been a reason or some sort of pressure behind it.

He stumbled and held out his hand to stop B’Elanna from touching him. She held hers up and backed away, watching him carefully as he continued on.

“Can I tell you something?” she asked after a moment.

“You are free to do as you please,” Tuvok replied.

“Great, well…” she hesitated and stilled as if considering whether or not she’d like to speak while sedentary but then began to move again, even faster. Tuvok kept up with her pace.

“Sometimes when I think of them it’s that thing I said before. The bricks and the sadness and the…the hollow feeling. Like, ‘what’s the point?’ where nothing has meaning anymore.”

Tuvok remembered the ex-lieutenant’s past troubles. Kathryn had been disturbed by her self-destructive tendencies and Chakotay had been frightened. Tuvok had not understood why a living being would intentionally seek to injure itself. In truth he still didn’t but he understood the mindset that B’Elanna was speaking about; the urge to do nothing, to stop and stay down. 

Unlike her however, he did not desire to feel anything.

“People get that,” B’Elanna continued. “People are sympathetic about that but then there are things they aren’t quite so sympathetic about. Like the anger.”

“Anger?” Tuvok asked, avoiding a puddle. It had begun to snow. It reminded him of ash.

B’Elanna shook her head. “It’s horrible but sometimes I think if I could see them again all I’d do is scream. It’d be all I could do to keep from wringing their necks; How could you do this to me? What were you thinking? Nothing in the universe was more important to me than your life and you threw it away for some ideal that never took hold.” 

When Tuvok didn’t respond she brushed her hair out of her eye. She’d let it curl a bit. “The ones in jail thought I’d berate them for being cowards. I said I’d rather be friends with a live coward than a dead idealist. Some days I don’t know if I believe that, others…”

The snow began to come down harder and B’Elanna sighed, muttering about the weather on Earth. Tuvok held out his hand and let a snowflake hold against his skin, melting slowly. 

“Neat trick,” B’Elanna said.

Tuvok wondered where Elieth was.

“Look, I know I’m getting all…” a frazzled hand gesture. “A lot with you right now but I just thought maybe you could use someone. I know you’re Vulcan and all but…the captain feels too guilty to even face you, Chakotay’s gone, Seven’s gone and the rest of them don’t really know what to say. I mean, I don’t either but…”

Tuvok turned his hand over and thought about the ashes sitting in an urn of T’Pel’s making. She had worked tirelessly for several days while Tuvok slept or attempted to meditate before sleeping once again. He remembered Wari’s effigy.

“It is important that I move past this,” Tuvok asserted.

“Your son’s death? I think even Vulcans-”

“You know nothing of Vulcans,” Tuvok said icily before lowering his hand. “I am not…processing my grief as I should. It should not be so…present.”

Several nights he had laid awake in bed, aching. The longer the ache lasted the more fright chased after him, attempting to devour him whole. He was frightened of how much he was grieving. Vulcans could not allow themselves to become victims of their emotions. It could kill them. He was well aware of this, having nearly died from the shon-ha’lock in his youth: the burning, being engulfed by the flames of affection. 

This was a different sort of engulfment. It was weighty and draining and whenever he slept there was a voice in the back of his mind that told him this time it might be forever and that always brought with it a…relief.

“You’re right,” B’Elanna said, voice slightly rougher than it’d been previously. “I don’t know anything about Vulcans or how you’re feeling- or not feeling right now. But despite everything, we’re friends. And because we’re friends I just wanted to let you know that I’m here if you ever need anything.”

She looked up at a passing hovercar. Snow was sticking to her hair but it melted the moment it touched her skin. “...You’re a good father. You care about your kids in your own way and if I ever lost Miral I know it’d be the end of the world to me. That’s all I know. The rest I can’t imagine.”

She looked at him and quickly wiped her eyes, clearing her throat. She’d always been overly sensitive. “You’ve probably heard this too much but I have to say it. I’m sorry, Tuvok. I’m so sorry.”

“Elieth-” Tuvok started before knowing how he was going to finish his sentence. “I did not feel his death. He shut us all out from his mind the moment he decided to forgo evacuation. He did not leave his katra behind or it did not come to me. The ash Starfleet gathered for our mantle holds nothing of him.”

Tuvok’s eyes burned. He tilted his head. It felt as if he were observing his body from another, detached, perspective. He disliked the weak creature he had become since his experiences in the Delta quadrant. He had no control over himself. Though the world had stopped spinning he was still stumbling and acting like a fool.

“One moment he existed. On Deneva, within my mind, and the next he did not and there is nothing but…absence, to confirm that he lived at all.” 

B’Elanna didn’t speak but she stepped closer to Tuvok as he sat down on a bench. His head was in his hands. She was blocking him from view.

“Elieth…” Tuvok began again, voice low as the snow came down around them; the vigilant Klingon and the Vulcan with tears in his eyes. “...I wonder if he sang.” _ This is a snippet of 'Tuvok: Patron Saint of Love' which you can read in full as a member of my patr*on (any tier) or on my itch*io! I hope you enjoyed regardless!

[sokkastyles]

I think the main problem is most Azula fans (myself included) what to see Azula heal and get a redemption. But in canon, that's not what Azula wants. Azula in the Spirit Temple does a good job showing that. She has a better understanding of what she's been through but still refuses to change. At the end of the day, it's her choice to make.

I'd like to read the comic myself because it sounds like she is getting there. I've seen a lot of people dissatisfied that the comic didn't really change anything, but I said this before it came out. People have to understand that a post-series comic isn't meant to do that kind of character development. It's mostly going to just rehash what we already know about the character. It might open up some avenues for change, but Azula still has to do the work herself. These kinds of comics are most interesting as character study. If you are looking for actual development, I'm afraid that we'll have to leave it to fanfiction.

I get the impulse to want to see Azula heal. But I agree with you, Azula does not want to heal. She wants to be happy, but she hasn't yet reached the point where she can take responsibility for her actions and truly heal. I do think that she does make some small steps towards that from what I hear about the comic (foregoing vengeance against the Fire Warriors, realizing that her mother was afraid FOR her). And even that vision of Zuko telling her that she won't admit how she's hurt the people who love her, yeah it's a spirit pretending to be her brother, but the spirit is riffing off of Azula's own subconscious so that tells us that on some level, Azula is aware of this, too.

But all this stuff about how actually, it's her mother's fault, or anyone else's? That's not giving Azula an opportunity for healing. She can't heal if she continues to blame other people. She just can't. I think what the comic shows, and what we always knew, was that Azula wants to be loved by the people who are important to her. But she doesn't know how to get that love in a way that isn't hurting others. Which is why she blames them for not giving her the recognition she wants, because she can't admit that she was the problem, and that her father was the problem. She wants two things that are in conflict with each other, and this is a conflict she has to reconcile within herself. Does she want to be her father's "pefect" daughter, or does she want love, real love, from the people around her? Because the latter would mean realizing the ways both that she has hurt them and the ways her father has hurt her. This "Oh, wait, maybe it was mom's fault" is a means of avoiding that.

Like I said before, that scene with Azula firebending for the first time is so poignant because it captures very well what it's like from a child's perspective to witness domestic abuse. Azula picks up on her mother's fear of her father, but does not understand it. It's too scary for her to understand. And her father is happy she is firebending, so why can't her mother be? So she ends up internalizing the blame for the conflict between her parents. It's also safer psychologically for Azula to align herself with the more powerful parent, and we know she does do this and learns from Ozai that the way to avoid being hurt (being like mom) is to be strong (like dad). And she learns through her family dynamic that strong people prove their strength by hurting those weaker than them.

When Azula says her mother thinks she is a monster, she is not saying that Ursa is wrongfully assuming things about her that aren't true. She says in the same sentence that it is true, and that she doesn't care. It isn't true, but the point is that Azula thinks it is, but has internalized this as the only correct way to be, and justifies it with a belief in her own superiority. Because being the monster means you don't have to be afraid of the monsters. It's the cycle of abuse. Azula becomes an abuser to avoid facing the reality of her own abuse. To act like it's her mom projecting is to completely miss that context in its entirety and rob Azula of the opportunity to learn about who she is outside of the "monster," which also robs her of the opportunity to realize how she was a victim. Which means she won't heal, she'll continue going through life wondering why the people she's hurt don't want to be around her, and she'll keep hurting because what she really wants deep down are real relationships.