#i can literally imagine myself walking up to a complete stranger at a party and being like 'hi are you familiar with the west memphis three?

[mattsmommy69]

We cant be friends (part 1)

Summary: your best friends with Matt and nick but you and Chris are especially close. What happens when you’re drunk and Chris takes care of you.

Warnings: sub!chris, fem!reader, angst, fluff, pet names, aggression, puke

Notes: idk how I feel about this honestly. I randomly got motivated and literally did it and 2 hours so don’t be to mean. first Chris fic hope you enjoy! Don’t steal my work!!! Comment for a part two and I will make one!

I’m currently on the dance floor, drink in my hand, in my red little dress feeling better than ever. I was currently at Tara yummy’s 1 million party, what a fucking dream. It was even better than I imagined. Thankfully my best friends the sturniolo triplets invited me to come with them. (Specifically chris because he is my best friend and knew how much I wanted to come.) Chris watched me as I drunkenly danced and all he could think about was how bad I was gonna feel in the morning.

I decided to take a break from dancing and walk back to the bar (which was the last thing I needed to do) As I am about to make it to the counter I feel a harsh slap to my ass. “WHAT THE FUCK” I turn around to see a complete fucking stranger just smacked the fuck out of my ass and is grinning about it. “Why would you-“ I go to say before Chris comes up from behind me and grabs my arm to push me further away from the situation. Before I can open my mouth again to try and defend myself Chris punches the man that smacked my ass fully across the face and knocks him to the ground. “Ever touch my fucking girl ever again and I will kill you next time.” He says as he turns and grabs my arm and we walk out.

As he drags me out of the party I’m laughing and stumbling the whole time due to how drunk I was. “Are you okay y/n?, I’m so sorry he did that and you had to see that.” He says when we finally get to his car and he opens the passenger door for me. “It’s fine Chrissy, I kinda liked watching you punch someone for me anyway.” I say with a smile on my face. “You’re crazy.” Chris says with a smile also on his face. We both get into his car and I immediately feel the drunkenness take over and I’m exhausted. I decided to shut my eyes and take a nap during the car ride.

“Y/n wake up, we’re at my house.” Chris says while shaking me slightly. “I don’t wanna.” I say not moving an inch. “I’m not gonna let you sleep in my car sweet girl.” He says still shacking me slightly. “Your just gonna have to carry me in than.” I say still not moving trying not to grin. “Your lucky your my best friend and your drunk.” He says as he gets out and walks over to my side of the car. He picks me up out of the car bridal style and walks toward his front door. He fiddles with the keys for a second while still holding me. Once he finally gets the door open he takes me to his room downstairs and sets me on his bed. The mix of alcohol, adrenaline and stairs wasn’t a good one because I was about to throw up. “Chrissss” I say holding my stomach. “What’s the matter pretty girl?” He says kneeling down in front of me looking up at me with pure concern.

I push him out of the way and run to the bathroom trying to not throw up all over Chris and his room. I just barely miss the toilet and get it all over my dress and a little in the floor and I start to sob. “Chris I’m so fucking sorry I’m an idiot.” I say through my tears “No, sweetie there’s no reason to be so upset I promise it’s okay pretty girl, it was an accident” Chris says as he helps me clean up some of the mess and wipes my tears. “Can I burrow some clothes?” I say looking down at my puke covered dress and crying a little more. “Of course angel.” He says smiling and walking toward his closet.

He comes back with a hoodie and some sweats. “Here you go, you can wear these.” He says with a smile on his face. I try and walk out of the bathroom to grab the clothes from his hand but slip on the wet ground from cleaning the puke, he catches me before I can fully fall into the ground. “Fuck be careful sweet girl.” He says with a concerned look on his face. “Thx” I say awkwardly standing back up straight. “I’m gonna change now.” I say while shutting the bathroom door. I quickly get changed at suddenly I feel the need to cry again. I try and be as quiet as possible but I’m such a mess right now that Chris could still hear my sobs. He slowly opens the bathroom door, “Angel what’s wrong?” He says while walking toward me in the bathroom. “Just everything that happend at the bar and I threw up in your room and your probably mad at me and I drank way to much and..” I’m cut of by his palm over my mouth. “You did not deserve what happened at the party and I’m sorry, I am not mad at you and I never could be mad at you, and yes you did drink to much, but that’s okay. Stop being so hard on yourself sweet girl.” He says as he wipes the tears from my face. “Thank you Chrissy, I think I’m just tired.” At that he picks me up bridal style and lays me on his bed. I immediately sink into the mattress and shut my eyes. “Can I sleep in here?” I ask just to make sure he’s okay with hearing my snoring all night, I asked looking at him with a begging expression. “Of course sweet girl, Come here.” We both get under the covers and I wrap my arms around his waist and throw a leg over his legs. He starts to massage my hair and I shut my eyes and drift off to sleep in his arms.

Notes: this is my first Chris fic and I really love the ending! Hope you enjoy! I will probably make a part two if this does well!

[iamonlyhereforthefreefood]

My friend is very nice and invites me to all these social events and I’ve usually been busy but this time I’m actually able to go and was like “yeah I would love to go with you to your friend’s housewarming party even though I’ve only met them once” and like as soon as I agreed to go I realized that I’ve kinda become a hermit in the last few months and now I kinda don’t want to go but I don’t know how to get out of going. 

I mean I could just be honest and my friend would probably understand but I also should try to be social and meet new people. Ugh.

[aetheternity]

Draken, Chifuyu, Mitsuya, the Kawata twins and Kazutora in:

When they see you with your ex.

Disclaimer: E/N means Ex's name. The ex changes gender for each one to be more exclusive I'm sorry if it feels confusing. Kazutora's has mild angst but otherwise this is really sfw.

🌟 Draken

☆ He'd kinda crashed Mikey and Emma's day out. You'd told him you had something to do this weekend so what else was he supposed to do with his free time? The three of them had stopped to eat on the outdoor patio at a nice restaurant and while Emma and Mikey chatted away about something school related. Draken sat quietly sipping his tea.

☆ You'd been kinda weird when he'd asked why the two of you couldn't hang out today. You didn't even tell him what it was you were doing instead. And you always told him literally everything about your life. Sometimes unprompted.

• "Hey, isn't that Name?" Emma's voice suddenly caught his attention.

• "Who's the guy?" Mikey questioned in between bites of his food.

☆ Draken's head shot in the direction Emma had pointed in. Sure enough there you were, talking with a guy who was about the same height as Draken. Weirdly enough Draken felt like he'd seen this guy somewhere before.

• "Is that?.. E/N?"

☆ Draken squinted still staring at the two of you talking. You didn't exactly look happy but you and your ex were standing way too close. He felt a little pang in his heart.

• "Maybe she just.." Emma cut herself off. Your arm came up to wrap around your ex's neck. Pulling him in for a hug which he just as soon reciprocated.

• "Let's just go." Draken said and Emma seemed to immediately agree. As soon as Draken and Emma squeezed back into the open doors of the restaurant Mikey hightailed it in the opposite direction.

• "Dammit Mikey!"

• "Mikey!" Emma called but it was definitely too late for that.

☆ Mikey ran up behind you tapping your shoulder as Emma and Draken made their way down to the scene that was now forming.

• "Are you cheating on Ken chin?" Mikey questioned with zero hesitation. His face stern and his shoulders bared.

• "Mikey.." You said

• "I would've preferred to do this later." Draken grit. Though Mikey didn't even spare him a glance.

• "This is.. your new boyfriend right?" E/N asked

• "Name." Emma began "I know you wouldn't cheat on Draken.."

☆ You sighed putting some space between Mikey who looked two seconds away from punching someone and your ex whose confusion seemed to grow the longer this went on.

• "I'm not, I would never.." You sighed before continuing on. "He's dating my friend now and since we had some bad blood between us.. I figured I should try to get along with him since he's staying in my life. But I'm so sorry Ken Ken, I should've told you yesterday when you asked."

☆ Mikey stepped to the side as you held out your hand for Draken to take. He wasted no time pulling you into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of your forehead.

• "Don't ever do this again."

• "Go out with my ex without explaining myself? Or get caught going out with my ex without explaining myself?"

• "All of it." Mikey interjected, hands placed in his pocket but his normal smile was starting to reappear.

• "Go home you two. I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon with these two."

• "Oh? Is it because you're worried something will happen?" You asked Draken laced your finger tips slipping your hand into his pocket.

• "I was never worried, I just wanted to spend time with you." He explained

☆ Definitely should've just invited him in the first place because within a couple hours your ex and Draken have become better friends than the two of you were supposed to be.

🌟 Chifuyu

☆ Him and Takemichi decided to spend the afternoon in Chifuyu's favorite manga shop since sitting at home had become tiresome.

☆ Takemichi had organized a small pile of books around his body like a nest while Chifuyu just searched the aisles aimlessly. He didn't have a book in mind before coming here so he figured he'd pick one out from his favorite section once they got there.

• "Hey Chifuyu?" Takemichi looked up as Chifuyu flipped through one book while he held another in his hand.

• "I can't buy both of these. Takemichi which one do you think is better?"

• "Isn't that Name?" Takemichi pointed over the stack of books on his left sure enough just outside the aisle was you with a girl chatting away.

• "Who's the girl Name's talking with?" Takemichi asked looking up at Chifuyu, though Chifuyu had already ducked his way behind the bookshelf peering out of the aisle at the current scenario.

• "What the hell are you doing?" He asked coming over.

• "That's Name's ex."

• Takemichi fell in line next to Chifuyu peering over his head, "I didn't know Name dated girls too.."

• "Yeah.. it's not a big deal.." Chifuyu said as the two of you giggled about something a couple feet away.

• "If it's not a big deal why are we hiding?"

• "Shh!" Chifuyu ducked back as you and your ex walked a little ways away. "Come on let's follow them."

• "Why don't we just go talk to them?" Takemichi followed reluctantly.

• "I don't want Name to think I came here because I was stalking-"

☆ Just as Chifuyu had made it to the next aisle he tripped over a snag in the carpet causing an oblivious Takemichi to bump into him. A loud oof from both of them alerting you and your ex of their presence.

• "Chi?" You called annndd now you were coming over. "Hey Chi, what are you doing here?"

• "This is my favorite manga place." Chifuyu answered with a grunt, stepping into the aisle.

• "I know.. I just thought you and Takemichi would be at your place."

• "What's going on?.. This is what you were busy with?" He gestured between the two of you.

• "Chi." You stepped forward and Chifuyu took one step back. "You know how me and, E/N are childhood best friends and how my grandmother is sick right now? My grandmother is basically a second mother to her so she invited me out to take my mind and her's off things, She suggested we come in here and I said ok but it wasn't right of me to not tell you, I'm sorry baby."

☆ Chifuyu looked between you and your ex his eyes slowly beginning to soften.

• "I'm not mad love. It was just weird you don't normally do underhanded things like this." He pulled you into his chest for a hug and you wrapped your arms around his waist.

• "You should come with us." E/N said pointing to Chifuyu and Takemichi. "Name won't stop talking about how wonderful you are as a boyfriend anyway."

☆ A bright pink flutters over both you and Chifuyu's cheeks as Takemichi snickers behind you both.

• "Next time you can bring Hina and we can make this into an outing." Chifuyu said, poking Takemichi in his side with his elbow before wrapping his arm around your midsection.

☆ You guys probably end up staying in the store for a couple more hours honestly because if there's anything you and Chifuyu have in common it's your love for manga.

🌟 Mitsuya

☆ He'd been running errands for his mother all morning so by the time he reached the supermarket he was completely exhausted. He pushed his shopping cart through the aisles with a long sigh, checking off items as he went.

☆ He rounded the last corner glad that his day was nearly over and already thinking about what he was going to prepare for dinner when the sound of your voice caught his attention.

☆ His first assumption was that he was so tired he was imagining it but the airy ring of your laugh soon validated his suspicions. You'd told him you were hanging out with friends today after all.

☆ He grabbed the last thing on his list deciding to go say hi. He wheeled the cart directly into the next aisle walking up as you and a person he didn't recognize were having a chat with an elderly woman.

• "You two are so cute together." The woman gestured with a small smile.

• "Oh.. no we're exes and friends." E/N explained

• "Aw I'm sorry things didn't work out for you two." The woman nodded

☆ You opened your mouth to respond but Mitsuya's warm gaze caught your attention first.

• "Suya, hey!" You greeted, walking over to greet your boyfriend with a small hug.

• "That's the actual boyfriend." Your ex explained to the woman.

• "This is the friend you told me about yesterday?" Mitsuya asked looking at your ex with a blank expression.

☆ The tension in the aisle could be sliced with a knife and the lady from before quickly walked away to another side of the store.

• "We are just friends now I promise. There's nothing going on between us and they're having a party tonight that's why we're here." You gestured to your ex who awkwardly waved back. "I was going to invite you later so that you could sneak out when Luna and Mana are asleep."

• Mitsuya nodded his expression softening as he reached up to cup your cheek, "I wish you had just explained that earlier, next time just tell me I won't be angry."

• "I will, I promise." You gave him a quick peck which he reciprocated. "I'm going to head with Suya but I'll see you at the party later?" You asked turning to your ex.

• "Yeah, I'll see you then." They replied as they left.

☆ And yeah sure Mitsuya said he was cool with it but you two ended up skipping the party and after dinner you both stayed in bed all night.. (Do with that what you will. 🙃)

🌟 Nahoya/Smiley

☆ You'd only been dating Nahoya for a month and everyday you two met up at the same place after school.

☆ Sometimes (like today) he'd grab Souya/Angry and head out to meet you. Today the three of you were just supposed to grab a quick bite to eat before heading to the Toman meeting.

☆ The second the two of them had stopped their bikes Souya pointed you out where you were holding a box and talking to some stranger.

• "Who's that guy?" Nahoya's grin tightened as he watched the way the guy yapped away while you just silently listened.

• "He looks like somebody." Souya pondered for a second before his gaze fell on his brother. "I recognize his face he was in some picture on Name's wall."

☆ Nahoya didn't wait another second to storm over to the situation Souya trotting along behind with his teeth grit.

• "What the hell is this?" Nahoya grunted though his smile never wavered. The indent of anger extremely noticeable on his forehead.

• "Hoya, this is E/N he-"

• "E/N as in your ex?" Souya chimed up before you could finish.

• "You invited your ex here when you knew I was coming? What kind of shit are you pulling here Name?"

☆ His smile began to dip at the edges but it was obvious he was trying to keep up his natural facade. His fists clenching at his side, book bag carefully slipped into Souya's arms behind him.

• "I just needed my stuff back, I promise." You tried to explain, shaking the box in your possession for Nahoya to see.

• "I didn't mean to intrude on your-"

• "You shut the fuck up!"

• "Hoya!"

• "So you thought you should invite him on our date? Are you trying to piss me off?"

• You stomped your foot exasperation slowly starting to take over in your face and tone. "Hoya, I didn't invite him! I told him I was here and he's gonna be on vacation for three weeks but I needed my camera back." You hold up the camera that you'd fished from the box, Desperation thick in your voice. "So he decided to drop my stuff off with me and you just happened to get here before he could leave." You rest your fingertips on the bridge of your nose. Glad for the silence that soon arises.

• "I should go." Your ex whispers doing a little scoot around Nahoya who still hadn't completely cooled off.

• "Hey, stop it." Nahoya grips your chin pulling your shaky form closer to himself. "You should've just asked me to get your shit for you."

• You muster a little giggle, sniffling and wiping your face with the back of your hand. "You would've kicked his ass then brought me my stuff."

• "He would've deserved it."

☆ You pull Nahoya closer though he's still a little hesitant to return your affection.

• "Let me make it up to you please? You and Souya." You turn to Souya who's still holding both his and Nahoya's backpacks.

• "You're paying for lunch today." Nahoya replies pulling you into his side. He lowers his voice leaning into your ear as Souya walks ahead to his bike. "And if I ever see that jackass again I'll break his jaw."

🌟 Kazutora

☆ Baji and him had spent the day riding their motorcycles until they decided to take a break not too far away from the shrine where Toman meetings were always held.

☆ They soon found themselves parking their bikes and skipping stones by the riverbed.

• "So, why is it that you're hanging out with me instead of your partner today?" Baji asked as his stone plopped into the water.

• "They said they had something going on." Kazutora replied

• "If I was with someone that gorgeous I'd be willing to go with them but whatever."

• "Maybe you should have someone before you start dishing out relationship advice."

☆ Baji grinned wide throwing a soft punch which Kazutora caught with a snicker pretending to right hook him. It soon lead into a chase with Baji dodging all of Kazutora's playful jabs walking backwards and making sound effects to go along with each swipe of his fists.

☆ Baji grabbed both of Kazutora's fists pushing him back until he nearly tumbled onto his ass. His laugh unbridled in its volume.

• "Come here Kazutora I'll show you how to throw a real punch."

• "What the fuck.." Kazutora's gaze followed two people walking along the path that went just overhead.

☆ Baji's head whipped around to track Kazutora's gaze stopping on the two people walking side by side almost out of sight at this point.

• "Is that-" Kazutora was nearly gone by the time Baji had processed the words. "Hey!" He called out running to catch up but Kazutora had already sprinted to the top of the bank, jogging along to catch up to the people they'd spotted.

• "Name!" His voice boomed closing the distance scarily quick.

☆ You'd stopped dead in your tracks, turning to face the chilling look in your boyfriend's eyes as he stood before you. Baji right behind and practically out of breath.

• "Who is that?" Kazutora pointed

• "Tora.. baby don't freak out.."

☆ His earring clinked against his face as he stared into your eyes.

• "Are you leaving me now? Is that it?"

• "Tora!" You huff, putting your hands out.

• "Kazutora.." Baji called out already sensing the weight of the situation.

• "She's my ex but listen-"

• "So you are cheating on me.." Kazutora's jaw locks and when you reach out for his sleeves with pleas of his name he just slaps your arms away.

☆ When he leaves he runs for his bike. His leg anchored over the side already gripping the handle bars tightly when Baji's loud scream of his name rips through the air.

☆ He's got his bike out of park but just as he starts to drive away you dash out from nowhere and yank his handle bar.

• "Dammit Tora listen to me!!" You beg, he can clearly see the beginnings of tears stinging the corners of your eyes as you hold onto the hand still clutching his handlebars.

• "What could you possibly say? That it didn't mean anything? That you love me?!"

• "Yes! I do love you! You mean everything to me! I needed to be with E/N today because her mom went missing a couple days ago! The woman that took me in and loved me all my life is out there somewhere and no one knows anything about it so dammit Kazutora if you love me even half as much as I love you, don't leave me right now!"

☆ You latched onto his jacket letting your loud sobs fill the now quiet air.

• "You told me.. You love me.." His whispered tone barely reaches your ears as you continue to choke on your own tears.

• "I.. love you.. Tora.." You hiccuped

☆ His arms wrapped gently around your waist, face deep in the crook of your neck as you slowly began to relax.

• "I'm sorry." You felt him tremble as he held you closer than he ever had before. "I love you.." He reciprocated. "I'm here.."

🌟 Souya/Angry

☆ Souya tended to listen more than you realized. Like when you go on and on about a band you absolutely adore to the point where he stays up until almost 12 am to snag tickets for the two of you to go see them on the weekend. And this was that weekend.

☆ He'd been nearly bursting with excitement over it and now he could finally surprise you with the news after holding it in for a solid week.

☆ He parked his bike across the street from your house, reaching into his jacket pocket for the umpteenth time to check that both tickets were there. After a few more minutes of preparing, blowing into his hand to check his breath, smoothing his sweaty hands over his jacket. He rung your doorbell. The heel of his toe tapping against the floor as he waited for you to answer.

☆ When the door finally opened a person much taller than Souya answered.

• "Yup." The person pursed their lips one hand on the tool belt wrapped around their waist. For a second Souya pondered if he'd somehow rung the wrong doorbell until he looked at the number in plain view embellished on your door front.

• "Who are you?" It definitely came off more aggressive thanks to Angry's naturally violent resting face.

☆ Before the person could answer you came bounding down the stairs, pulling the door open wider.

• "Why the hell would you answer my door?" You spit at the person standing beside you as you pull your boyfriend inside, shutting the door behind him.

• "I think you mean thank you."

��� "Fuck off." You tell the person who was already walking back to the kitchen.

☆ The naturally angry imprint on Souya's face seems to deepen as he makes eye contact with you.

• "I wish you had called." You sighed, tugging Souya into the living room by his jacket sleeves.

• "Who the hell is that?"

• "You remember how I said my ex is in the remodeling business.."

• "That's your ex?"

• "Yes but listen! If I work with him I can get a discount, I just want that wall taken out to open up the space a bit more." You gesture to the kitchen where your ex is currently examining the wall. "I would've told you sooner but between my friend coaxing me into doing this remodel and that drunk night with you and Nahoya it was hard to find time."

☆ Souya dipped his hands into his pockets, staring blankly into the distance. His brow furrowed deeper than normal and his foot tapped against the hardwood.

• "If you're uncomfortable with this I'll get someone else.."

• "Get someone else."

• "Wait before you answer." You scoot closer to your still ticked boyfriend and he makes eye contact with you again. "This kind of remodel normally costs way more than the bargain I'm getting with them."

☆ Souya blinked blankly at you.

• "Sou plllleeeeaaasssee, you can be here whenever they are." You gesture to the kitchen.

• "No I can't I have a job."

• "Fine.. I'll call you the entire time." He sighed with a roll of his eyes. And you rubbed both his arms with a long groan of his name. "How about this, I bring you and them to dinner. Once you see how disinterested I am you might be more for it."

• "Not worried about you, I'm worried about them." His forehead rubbed against yours and you giggled.

• "I promise I only love you."

• "Would you love me more if I got tickets to your favorite band for today?"

• "I'm never leaving you." You proclaim wrapping your arms tightly around Souya's midsection. "That's a proposal by the way we're engaged now. I don't make the rules."

• "E/N I'm engaged now!" You yell towards the kitchen.

• "I heard, congrats!" They yelled back

☆ Souya just scoffed but his cheeks bloomed into the deepest shade of red as he walked upstairs with you to your bedroom to help you pick out an outfit for the concert.

[fbfh]

a reunion - paxton hall yoshida x reader

wc: 1.7k

genre: stright up paxton content ft. making out and heavily implied smut

pairing: paxton x they/them reader (mostly gn, slightly femme)

warnings: devi is a little delulu in the beginning, reader moved away for a year and they left things in a weird place, very brief underage drinking (mostly as a joke), you feel like people are staring at you, being alone in a room with a guy at a house party, very very self indulgent, trent being a real bro!!! I love him!!!

summary: None of the girls Paxton's been with since you left can begin to fill the void you left him with. He realizes he won't need to worry about that for much longer when he sees you outside Trent's house during a party. He also realizes you have a lot of catching up to do, and a lot of lost time to make up for.

songs: cabo - ricky montgomery, 505 - arctic monkeys

a/n: a very self indulgent b-day present to myself!!!! literally how are there no paxton fics I haven't found anyone else who writes for him wtf

also reader was acting in a tv show filming in NY if I didn't make that clear, and I imagined them in white demonia shaker-52s

all characters aged to 18+ for implied smut lol

Devi watches as the girl walks back to her friend group, watches as Paxton downs another drink. She fucked up. She knows she did. But he’s been turning down girls left and right since her party - specifically the incident that occurred during it. He’s barely looked at another girl since everything blew up in her face. She watches him as he avoids some insanely hot girl from another school. His eyes flicker over to Devi’s, then away. He turns the girl down, and takes a sip of his drink. Suddenly everything makes sense; there’s no way this doesn’t mean something, he’s clearly still in love with her and she should go talk to him right now.

She starts to move through the large outdoor crowd, and his eyes land on her, surprised and almost disbelieving. A smile breaks out on her face, confirming her suspicion. She gets closer, and her smile fades.

Paxton isn’t looking at her.

She whips around, searching for the target of his attention, and her eyes land on a stranger.

Their striking appearance is somehow amplified by the streetlight they’re standing under. Hair bleached to an almost white with darker roots beginning to peek out, matching bright white platform ankle boots, black laces blending into the asphalt. They’re wearing shorts and a cropped band tee that definitely looks thrifted, layered with a massively oversized olive green army jacket, sleeves rolled up and slouching perfectly.

A repressed smile cracks on their blushed lips, and they look, brow furrowed and eyes sparkling, back at Paxton.

He sets down his drink, heart pounding in disbelief. You can’t be back, not really. You’re not supposed to be back before the end of the year at least. He approaches you quickly, body moving before he can think, and you meet him halfway.

“Oh my god,” he breathes quickly, hand on your cheek, and he’s torn between pulling you into the tightest embrace he can and looking at your face, making sure you’re real. Relief begins to hit, the chemistry and connection between you two already palpable, picking up exactly where you left off.

“Drinking during swimming season?” you say playfully, unable to keep your composure for the bit, “You’re letting yourself go, Pax,” you murmur with a giggle. You can’t even convince yourself of what you’re saying, abandoning the joke half way through.

“Clearly,” he mutters in response, finally pulling you into an embrace. He wraps himself around you so completely that you know he still can’t believe you’re really here. You don’t really believe it yourself. You close your eyes. He’s exactly how you remember him. You hold him, distracted by how warm he is. He’s wearing your favorite cologne. The fabric of his shirt is soft, and a hand comes up to play with the back of his hair. His grip on you tightens, and neither of you want to let go.

Eventually you part, the feeling of eternity between you two only having been a few seconds.

“Wh-” he tries, not knowing where to begin, “how are you here?”

“We wrapped early,” you say, signature smile ever present on your face.

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” he says, playful and tender. You laugh and look away, his hands still lingering on your waist.

“Do you…” he starts, getting distracted as you look back up at him, studying his face, “we should go talk,” he looks back, suddenly aware that all eyes are on you - the both of you - “somewhere quiet.”

You agree immediately, and he links your fingertips together, leading you through the crowd. You wave at Trent briefly as you pass, and he flashes a surprised smile.

After what feels like hours of eyes following you through Trent’s house, Paxton opens a door on the upstairs floor, ushering you inside.

“Just- one sec,” he gives you an apologetic look, and you nod, patient and understanding and compassionate as ever. He closes the door, coming face to face with Trent.

“You gotta talk to them, bro,” Trent states, knowing how long this has been building up.

“I know, I just-”

“I’ll be your bouncer, no one in or out till you’re done,” he cuts Paxton off, knowing he just needs some solid, uninterrupted time with you. He places his hands firmly on Paxton’s shoulders, making deliberate eye contact with him, and continues, “Tell them how you feel dude. You’ve been desperate for an opportunity to make shit right, and you got one. Don’t waste it.” He gives an encouraging nod, watching Paxton’s face as his words sink in.

“You got this.”

He gives Paxton a bro hug, watching the resolute, passionate determination to make sure you know how he feels. He steadies himself, then re enters the room, closing the door firmly behind him.

Trent breaths a small sigh of relief. Paxton has been needing this all year. Now all he has to do is make sure no one goes in or out of that room until the two of you have gotten your feelings straight. He stands a few feet away. Close enough to guard the door and maybe catch the tone of your voices, but far enough that he won’t accidentally eavesdrop. It’s not his tea to spill.

A few minutes later, Devi and her friends emerge from the stairwell.

“Hey Trent,” she says, “I just gotta see Paxton real quick,” she trails off, moving for the door.

“Woah, no can do, Little D.” He says, blocking her before she can take another step.

“They have some… catching up to do.” he finishes, nodding behind him.

“Yeah, who was that with Paxton?” Fabiola asks, “I don’t think I’ve seen them before.”

Trent answers, and Devi tries to go in again.

“Cool, then I’m going to go say hi,” but Trent stops her before she can.

"Okay, listen," Trent begins, explaining how you and Paxton met last summer, and immediately hit it off, falling hard and fast for each other.

"They found out they were moving to New York at the end of the summer, didn’t know when they’d be back. It hit both of ‘em real hard, and my boy’s been stuck on them ever since. I guess they came back early. They got some things to work out, closure and shit.”

Devi’s friends nod, but she doesn’t look like she’s going to budge.

“You can wait if you want.”

All eyes turn to the door, as raised voices already echo through the wood. After a moment the raised voices taper off, and the silence is soon filled with a steady squeaking of mattress springs. Trent continues.

“Might be a while.”

Paxton re enters the room. He’s going to make this right, he’s not going to let you slip through his fingers again. He closes the door. There you are, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking up at him. Just the sight of you, alone and waiting for him, is enough to send a rush of heat to his core. Elation is already setting in, and he’s reminded once again of how strong his feelings for you are. It takes all of the self control you both can muster not to immediately rip each other’s clothes off.

No, he chastises himself, if he’s going to make this last - which he will, no matter what it takes - you have to talk first. He doesn’t care if you fight, you have to talk about what happened before anything else can. One look at you, and he knows you feel the same. It doesn’t stop part of him from being completely distracted by the way you look, staring up at him.

“So,” he starts, trying in vain to shake off these feelings he always gets around you, “... It’s been a while.”

A smile blooms on your face, like steeping tea.

“Yeah,” you say, eyes studying his face the same way he’s seen you study paintings, “it has.”

Moments later, you’re pacing around the room.

“Oh- you know I didn’t intend for it to happen like that!” you yell back at him. In spite of your raised voices, neither of you are angry - not really. You can both feel it coming, as it has so many times in the past. You’re at each other’s throats now, and in ten minutes you’ll be in each other’s pants.

“You know what?!” you say defiantly.

From the moment you met, you could both sense the insane sexual chemistry between you. You started hooking up, and realized you’re compatible outside the bedroom too. It was all fun and games until the tv show you were on changed filming locations to new york. It was sudden, and neither of you really got a chance to say goodbye, or figure out when you could see each other again. Neither of you knew if the other felt like what you had was serious enough to fly across the country just to have a few days together.

“No. Tell me what.” he says, the challenge and subtext clear in his voice.

Every single girl Paxton had been with since you’d left just reminded him of the gaping hole in his life that you’d left him with. You were the first person to tell him you like him because you feel comfortable around him, and he makes you laugh, not because you think he’s just hot. You didn’t treat him like a piece of meat. A surprisingly low bar no one else had managed to pass.

And now, standing in front of you, your gaze intense, the air thick with everything you’ve wanted to say and do to each other in the past year, he realizes no one else can make him feel the way you do.

“Tell me.” he says, voice low and intense.

Your smile widens. You pull each other closer in an instant, lips connecting, tongues intertwining, everything in perfect sync. You move instinctively, never more driven than when around each other.

You have a lot of time to make up for.

[theirbbygirl]

Second Lead Syndrome

Word Count: ~8.7k words

liked this? there’s more on my masterlist!

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Comedy, Female reader insert

Description: Y/n and Minho have been friends for more than 2 years now, but suddenly she begins to see herself as the mere second lead in Minho’s story. Will she be the rare second lead who gets her own happy ending?

Warnings: some crying, themes of unrequited love (if there’s anything that I missed don’t hesitated to let me know!) 

I’d only ever encountered Second Lead Syndrome in the dramas I’d watched. Wanting the girl to end up with the second lead who was so obviously the better and healthier choice, but like every avid watcher of kdramas, it's more than likely for the main leads to end up with each other, that was just how it worked. What I never thought I’d encounter was seeing it happen before my own eyes and experience it firsthand.

Life was never supposed to be a kdrama. Life was supposed to be simple, a straight line, going from point A to B with no complications. But life never really went my way did it? It just had to throw in one variable, one man that had too much influence on my life. 

I couldn’t remember the first time I met Minho. It was probably sometime in the first grade when his family first moved in next to mine. But alas, we were both too young to remember exactly what sparked our friendship. One day we were strangers and the next we had given our parents a near heart attack when we both went after a stray cat on the way back home (my mom’s words, not ours).  From then my memories were filled with him, just us besties hanging out like anyone would with their best friend. First party, first mental breakdown, first drink, all with him. Soon enough we were in our final year of University, and ultimately, adults. 

The Minho I knew was laid back, not too extroverted but not too introverted either. While I completely contrasted him, always anxious about something, wanting perfection to the T, and completely and utterly introverted.  Our friendship, moving into University, sparked a lot of questions. You wouldn’t typically find the introverted straight-A student with the borderline badboy tsundere walking and laughing in the halls together, spending practically every waking moment together. But Minho didn’t care, and neither did I, so we moved through life pretty easily. 

One of the few things we had in common was our love for cats, and when we both foudn out there was a cat cafe just a few minutes walk from our campus, you best bet we spent too much of our time and money there. Studying, hanging out, anything you could imagine. If we weren’t in one of our dorms, we were more than likely to be in the cat cafe. 

Every day after class we’d go there and we’d complain about our least favorite professors and how lectures would seemingly last for longer than they should. Additionally, Minho had almost become akin to my own dormmate with how much time he spent in my dorm. He’d come in whenever he wished, stealing my frozen pizzas and sodas, using my Netflix account on my TV to watch weird National Geographic shows and make random comments like “that snake looks just like Kim Seungmin,” or “look its Hannie” whenever a squirrel came on screen. Minho was always there when I needed a drinking partner after bombing a test or assignment, pouring me shots of soju until I passed out and bringing me to my bed and tucking me in whiel he would sleep on the couch to make sure I wouldn’t do anything stupid in the middle of the night. 

Although, more people knew Minho’s name than mine, but that didn’t bother any of us. We continued on being friends as usual, and it felt like nothing would change that. Life was moving in a straight line like it should’ve always been.

At least, that’s what it felt like until February, just a few months before we graduated. 

I make my way to our usual spot in the courtyard after buying an iced coffee and a snickers bar from the vending machine next to my classroom, I walk up behind Minho sitting on a bench when I find him staring out in front of him instead of looking at cat videos on his phone like he usually does. Slowing my walk, I trail my eyes to the vague direction he’s facing and see that he’s looking at Kim Seungmin and a girl chatting outside the classroom. I ignore the thought, opting to think that Minho must’ve spaced out thinking about how he would irritate Seungmin next class. I plop down next to him when he still doesn’t take note of my arrival, so I get right next to his ear and blow cold air into it, snickering when he jolts in surprise. 

“What was that for?” He whines, fake annoyed.

“You got lost up in your thoughts for a certain Kim Seungmin there.” I snicker some more, opening my snickers (hehe) bar.

Just as I’m about to take the first bite of the sugary goodness, the chocolate bar gets snatched out of my hands and a certain Lee Minho takes an obnoxious bite out of it, not even giving it back but eating it like it was his. I pout, watching him devour my snack, knowing that I couldn’t do anything to get it back. 

“For your information, I was not thinking about Kim Seungmin.” He says pointedly, slightly muffled by the chocolate in his mouth.

I sigh, knowing I wasn’t going to get that chocolate bar back any time soon, and open my iced coffee. “So what were you thinking about then?” I ask before taking a sip.

“Don’t know, spaced out.” Is all the answer I get and I highly doubt him, but I brush it off anyways and don’t pry. 

Minho and I slide into our usual conversation about assignments, plans for the week, and everything under the sun. We talk about how he’s planning to visit home the next day and stay for a weekend and how excited he is to see his cats after a long time, I unknowingly smile at his ramble about how talkative Dori is, and just sit back and listen. I never took into account how healing it was to just watch and listen to him talk, the sultry of his voice and his little exclamations of frustration or excitement that came once in a while. I had to catch myself from staring when he turned to look at me, having asked me a question I didn’t catch.

“Sorry what was that?” I ask.

“Am I that beautiful for you to have lost your hearing to my handsome face?” I couldn’t just tell him that that was basically what had happened, it would inflate his ego by too much and reveal everything I’d hidden thus far.

“The heck? No, I was thinking about how great it would be to get some peace and quiet while you’re not around this weekend.” I lie, having Minho around is the only thing that brings me entertainment that isn’t endless sappy kdramas on my laptop, but he can never know that. 

Minho scoffs, says something under his breath that I don’t quite catch, then turns back to me. “You love me.” He says with a pout.

“Unfortunately I do.” 

That was the first of many inconspicuous confessions. 

It was nearing 3 or 4 am and I was about halfway done with another kdrama when several knocks resound through the small living space. Knowing exactly who it is, I only shout back “you know the code!” and moments later the door opens. 

I don’t bother to get up and greet Minho, this exact scene has happened too many times for either of us to care at this point, and it doesn’t surprise me that the moment he enters he shouts, “Honey I’m home!” like we’re in some cheesy romcom. 

“Mhmm, welcome home, leech.” I enunciate the last word purposely, but I know he won’t bat an eye at the term. I continue to chew my popcorn while he wanders through my cabinets, looking for snacks. “There’s chips in the cabinet next to the fridge and sprite in there too. If you want more food order Chinese takeout.” 

“I don’t have my wallet.” I can practically hear his pout from where I sat, eyes unmoving from the TV screen. 

“You know where mine is, but you have to pay me back.” A few seconds pass with no response until suddenly he’s next to me and kissing my cheek.

“I loveeee you!” He says too sweetly, retreating back to the mini-kitchen to order takeout.

“Mhmm, I love you too.” I say, not loud enough for him to hear the confidence missing from my tone. 

Continuing to watch the episode of in front of me, I remain in my comfortable position, only moving to lift my legs when Minho comes back to sit on the couch under my legs and the blanket. 

“Oh you’re watching this one?” He asks, reaching into the bowl of popcorn I offer him.

“Yeah, didn’t have anything else to watch so I put it on since everyone seems to like it so much.” 

“Mm,” he hums while also indulging himself into the scenes playing in front of him. “You’re probably team potato guy, right?” 

“What kind of question is that? Of course I am!” I scoff.

“I don’t know, I still think she should end up with Jae-eon.”

“Are you crazy? He literally leads her on like every playboy and is ruining her mentality by not defining their relationship.” 

“Yeah, but they’re so cute together, and you can totally tell he feels something for her.” He argues.

“Just cause they’re cute together doesn’t mean they’re good for each other, the entire guy is a walking red flag, I don’t understand why she doesn’t just walk away when she’s had experience with a shit boyfriend.” I sigh.

“You, have major second lead syndrome.” He points an accusing finger at me.

“So what? It’s for good reason, the main lead is toxic as fuck and you can’t change my mind.” I upturn my nose, turning back to the TV and continuing to watch the episode. 

The mentioning of the second lead sends a flurry of thoughts into my brain for a reason I can’t comprehend. Sometimes the main leads aren’t that bad but still we want the main character to end up with the second lead, maybe out of our own natural selfishness because we prefer the second lead more. I shake the thoughts away, trying to convince myself that kdramas were only works of fiction and too cheesy to be real, yet for whatever reason I always felt a connection with the second leads, like our emotions directed to our crushes were the same, because I knew that I would always be the second lead in Minho’s story. 

Minho’s name was always called out more times than mine was growing up, which I didn’t really mind until our hangout time would be seriously cut down because he had to hang out with other friends. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that he had friends, but there was a little bit of selfishness in me that wanted him to myself.

A new drama and a few episodes later, plus Chinese takeout, lead to our eventual demise. We both fall asleep on the couch in less than comfortable positions and wake up with stiff-neck, us groaning at the pain. 

We continue on with our usual morning routines, taking turns freshening up in the bathroom before heading out for breakfast at Paws and Pastries since we were both too lazy to make food ourselves. Besides, hot coffee in the morning plus good sandwiches AND cats? What more could you ask for?

When we enter the cat cafe I notice a familiar face behind the cashier, it was the same girl Seungmin was talking to on Friday, and the same girl I caught Minho staring at. We walk up to the cashier, I order my food first, a simple breakfast sandwich with a coffee to go with it and wait next to Minho to finish ordering. 

I made the mistake up glancing up at his face as he was telling his order to her, Ahra, her name tag read. There was something in his eyes that glinted that I had never seen before, not when he talked to Han and not when he talked to me. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of emotion in the middle of my chest before forcing myself to look back down, inserting my card and paying for everything. I sent the girl a thank you and a kind smile after she told us our food would be right over, and both me and Minho went over to our usual table in the back corner next to the cat’s jungle gym and right up next to the window. I get lost in my thoughts while we begin playing with the cats we were so accustomed to. 

Like most second leads, I knew exactly what my feelings were. I was practically an adult, how could I miss the fast beating of my heart or my clammy hands whenever I was around him? But again, like most second leads, I knew I’d never get a chance with him, not when everything we did together was purely platonic. It was painfully obvious that I’d be stuck with an unrequited love for who knows how long, and I couldn’t just detach myself from him all of a sudden to get over my feelings because a) he’d notice and force me to tell him what was wrong, ultimately leading me to tell him that I had feelings for him, and b) the moment I would come back or see him for even just a second I know I would develop those feelings all over again. Neither of which were choices I was willing to take so I suck it up and see him every day, ignoring everything my heart was telling me. 

I look up from the cat that I’m petting in my lap and look at Minho again, only to find him staring at Ahra who was taking people’s orders with a perfect pearly smile. It was in that moment that I knew, I had just found the female lead of Minho’s story.

3 weeks go by in a similar manner. Minho and I see Ahra around campus a few times and with some twisted fate, she’s on the clock every time we go to Paws and Pastries. Minho, being his smooth self, easily gets himself acquainted with her. They laugh and giggle so naturally and can slip into conversation so easily I’m almost envious of Minho and his non-introverted self. 

Not being one to try and stop fate, I watch it all happen. Telling Minho to ask her out already and teasing him about how lovesick he gets when he sees her nearby or at the cafe. I know Minho likes her when he blushes or gets defensive whenever I mention her in our conversations even though he’s never explicitly told me himself. I put on a face in front of him whenever these conversations come up, not wanting to get in the way of his happiness. 

One day some of our friends want to meet up outside of campus, we make plans to meet up at a bowling alley, ready to have fun until the late evening hours. Seungmin brought Ahra along with him, asking if it was okay to invite her since they were friends. Everyone agrees and we all meet up as planned. When everyone gets there, including Seungmin and Ahra, we introduce ourselves, Minho not having to introduce himself and easily speaking with her like they always did whenever running into each other. All the the boys have raised brows and mischievous smiles as they watch the interaction between the two, but only one looks at me in concern. 

A majority of the night passes by with laughter and teasing, how Chan was terrible at bowling this night and Minho easily beating him despite never doing too well on our previous adventures to the bowling alley. I spend the night with the rest of the boys, while Minho and Ahra spend time getting to know each other even more. There’s a point in the evening where I see Minho hold out his phone to Ahra to exchange numbers, I can hear her giggle when they take a selfie together, probably for her profile picture. I have to turn my head away quickly to ignore the cracking of my own heart when Minho puts his arm on the couch behind Ahra, he does it so naturally, yet he’s never done it with me. I will my thoughts to focus on the game and not on Minho, not noticing the same pair of concerned eyes until they speak up.

“Are you alright?” Hyunjin asks. 

“Hm? Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” My voice cracks halfway through and I try to hide my sad eyes, even though I was fully aware that Hyunjin had probably noticed that something was up.

“‘Cause you seem pretty affected by that scene over there.” He motions to Minho and Ahra with a nod of his head. 

“It’s nothing, Hyun, just nice seeing Minho talking to more people.”

“Y/n, you know he talks to people all the time, and you’re not nearly as affected then as you are now.” 

“Hyunjin, really, it’s fine.” I try to convince him but he says something that lets me know that he knows.

“You like Minho.”

“What? No that’s absurd I-“ He looks at me pointedly, and I sigh in defeat. “Yeah, okay, you got me.”

“Why don’t you say anything? Clearly it hurts you to see him like that.” He refers to Minho getting cozy with her.

“Hyunjin, it’s clear that everything we have is platonic, he even called me his sister several times. And who am I to get in the way of him getting into a relationship? That’s not my place to say anything, especially when his last girlfriend was 2 years ago.” 

“I get that, but shouldn’t he at least deserve to know? He says that he knows everything about you, but there’s one thing that he doesn't. You know practically everything about him, isn’t it a little unfair?” 

“We have choices as to what we share with each other and what we don’t, it’s his choice to tell me what he wants to and my choice to tell him what I want to tell him. Besides, he hasn’t even told me that he has a crush on Ahra yet.” 

“So maybe he doesn’t then.” 

“Hyunjin, just look at him, he’s a puppy in love.” I glance back over to Minho and Ahra sitting parallel to us. Minho is smiling brightly, more brightly than I had seen in a while and I can’t help but let my lips upturn at the corners just slightly in another sad smile. 

Hyunjin sighs next to me, and I look back to him. “I’m sorry y/n, I really wish he would end up with you instead of her, it doesn’t seem fair to you.”

“Hey, don’t say that, Ahra seems like a nice girl, she and Minho will get along great. And nothing in life is fair Hyunjin, that’s just something you come to accept.” I say, getting up. “I’m gonna get some drinks, does anyone want anything?” I ask everyone.

“Cola!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “A lemonade please.” A few of the boys shout back.

“Anything for you guys?” I turn to Minho and Ahra. They both shake their heads. “Okay then, I’ll be back in a minute guys.” I smile at the group before going to get the drinks. 

While walking away from the group I let a teardrop fall from my eye, wiping it away just before I order.

Life’s unfair, that’s just something I have to accept. 

A week goes by and Minho’s talking about how he and Ahra message often, how he thinks they get along well and he’s gonna ask her out.

Another week goes by and they’ve gone on their first date, he takes her to the beach and they have a picnic. 

Two weeks after that they’ve gone on several dates and are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, I don’t even find out separately at this point, I find out with the rest of the group over dinner.

A few days after that Minho calls off one of our late night binge watching sessions, texting me an apology and that Ahra needs him. I tell him it’s okay and to send my regards to her. 

It’s a week and half after and Minho regularly calls off our meetups at the cafe after school or at one another’s dorms to tend to Ahra. I tell him it’s fine each time and to not feel bad. He did the same today, and I sit alone at our usual table, mindlessly petting a cat in my lap while zoning out into in my mug of coffee. 

All while this happens, I watch, and I let it happen. I don’t fight for him because it didn’t feel right, sometimes second leads let their love fall for someone else, and that’s all it felt like I could do. 

Fighting for Minho felt selfish, especially when I knew I had no chance and he’d already fallen for Ahra. I couldn’t suddenly come out of the blue and tell him “hey, I have feelings for you,” when he’s already dating Ahra, I’d look like a major asshole if I did. All I could do was watch and see how we begun to drift farther and farther apart. 

With Minho being absent more often, I don’t get to tell him much. Like the internship offer I got to continue pursuing graphic design in Itaewon. I got the email almost a week ago, and I had two more weeks to decide if I was going to take the offer. With nobody to consult about it with I continue to push it to the back of my mind, not wanting to deal with more stress just yet. 

Just as I’m taking another sip of my coffee a familiar head of long blonde hair enters the cafe. My head tilts to the side in confusion as he scans the room for someone when he meets eyes with me, he makes his way over and sits in the seat in front of me and doesn’t say anything.

“You’re rarely on this side of town, why are you here?” I ask Hyunjin first.

“I heard something from Ms. Kim in our art class and needed to know if it was true.” He says seriously.

“What…” I feel like I know what he’s going to say, but I ask anyways. “What did you hear?” 

“That you were offered an internship in Itaewon.” 

“Hyunjin I-“

“Is it really true? She said you had two more weeks to decide, how come you haven’t told anybody? Does Minho know? Are you gonna leave? What about-” He begins to spurt out question after question and it’s almost too much for me to handle.

“Hyunjin!” I raise my voice just slightly to get him to stop but I have to turn it down again when the volume of my voice makes a few of the other customers’ heads turn. “Calm down, yes it’s true, yes I have two more weeks to decide if I’m going or not, I didn’t know how I would tell any of you, no, Minho doesn’t know and I don’t plan on telling him.” 

“Are you… Are you gonna take the offer?” He asks slowly.

I prop my elbows onto the table as the cat leaves my lap and my head drops into my hands as I sigh in exasperation. “I don’t know.” Tears are gathering in my eyes as I think about it. 

“Y/n, have you thought about the offer at all?” 

“Yes and no.” I don’t need to lift my head to sense Hyunjin’s confusion. “It’s hard to think about it when you’re watching your crush of 2 years date someone else while you’re also trying to finish up your senior year. But it’s also all I can think about when I’m alone, which I find myself a lot, thinking about having to find a place to live in Itaewon and transfer and mentally prepare to leave you all here, but if I don’t take it then it’ll be even harder to find an offer like this. It’s all I can think about and also something that I can’t bring myself to think about, Hyunjin.” I lift my head and my teary eyes meet his own. 

“Y/n…” His voice breaks saying my name.

“I think I’m going to take it.” I pause. “Once I finish all of my final assignments the only thing I have left to really worry about is graduating and finding a job, and I don’t think I can take watching Minho and Ahra anymore Hyun, I don’t think I can stomach it. I’m happy for them, I truly am, but it’s also affecting me and I don’t think I should ignore that anymore. If I’m in Itaewon I have a job and I won’t have to worry about feelings anymore, two birds with one stone.” 

I see the hesitancy in Hyunjin’s facial expressions before he speaks. “If that’s what you think you should do, then I’ll support you all the way. But shouldn’t you tell Minho about this?” 

“I’m not, because if I do, Minho is gonna find some way to get me to stay and I’ll crumble and stay because he affects me the most.” Hyunjin merely nods in response. “Hyunjin, you are the only one that can know about this, okay? I can’t have everyone else know this, especially Minho, okay?”

Hesitation again, and then, “Okay.” 

Hyunjin keeps his promise, he keeps the secret of me leaving from everyone. Even as graduation inches closer and our group begins to talk more about job searching, what comes next, and similar topics, the two of us keep it a secret. Whenever they asked me what I was thinking of doing next I always just told them “oh probably looking for internships nearby,” and no more questions are asked. 

Minho and Ahra were still very much in love, even more than before, if the growing absence of Minho’s presence was anything to go by. I barely saw Minho anymore, maybe catching him at the end of the hall every once in awhile, but he was always walking with Ahra so all I could say was “hello” and “goodbye.” 

Each goodbye begun to hold more and more weight as the days passed. Even the short ones I would tell Minho after passing him in the halls. I couldn’t even conjure how I would tell everyone, maybe send a letter to each of their places? A text message? Tell them after the graduation ceremony just before I left for the train station? I thought about how I would say goodbye as I begun to pack up my dorm. Graduation was nearing, I had already turned in all of my final assignments, and all there was left was to pack. I would leave after the ceremony ended, sometime in the afternoon. I wouldn’t even get the chance to properly celebrate being graduates with my friends because I was leaving in the afternoon. I’d get situated in my new apartment in Itaewon and get accustomed to new life outside of Gimpo. 

The thought of leaving panged my heart harshly, I had never left Gimpo permanently before. Sure, I had gone on trips to the US and Singapore and Seoul before, but I had never moved from Gimpo. I was born and raised in Gimpo, met Minho and all of our friends here, so the thought of moving for the first time did something to my heart. I attended all of our group hangouts with a nostalgic mindset, remembering the first time we all met, when we all got wasted one time on a Friday night after some big exam week. I look around our table of friends and think about how much I’ll miss all of this when I leave for Itaewon. 

Another thing that panged my heart, Minho and I distancing. I knew it was coming, Minho and I didn’t text or talk about hanging out anymore. He walked Ahra to her classes now, and had dates with her after class instead of meeting me at our cafe. Eventually I stopped getting apology messages, and stopped expecting him at the cafe anymore. I couldn’t blame him, Ahra was his girlfriend and I accepted that long ago. Instead I just played the supportive friend on the sidelines, and I’d continue to play that role for as long as I had to. 

It came to be the night before we graduated, and all of us minus Minho and Ahra were sat around a table in one of the restaurants we frequented, it wasn’t too late in the evening, and we all just sat in silence after finishing our food with bottles and glasses of soju now sitting in front of us. A majority of our meal was full of reminiscing, talking about memories that crack everyone up and left smiles on our faces. 

“So, we really graduate tomorrow, huh?” Changbin says when the table quiets down.

“Yeah, I guess we do.” Chan says quietly. 

My eyes tear up and I begin to sniff without control, the weight of my department tomorrow weighing heavily on my shoulders. Hyunjin puts an arm around my shoulders and gives me a tissue, whispering “it’s okay, it’s okay” to me while I try to calm down.

Everyone looks at me in confusion before Chan speaks first. “Y/n are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I just…” I trail off, not sure what to say.

“Do you want to tell them?” Hyunjin asks softly.

“Tell us what?” Seungmin says this time.

Hyunjin looks to me first before nodding, and I begin to spill my secret. “I got an internship offer.” 

The table erupts in cheers and I get congratulations thrown back at me before I can even continue.

“But…” Immediately everyone silences and looks to me in expectation. “It’s in Itaewon.” 

There’s a tense air that falls around us. “What?” Felix says in disbelief.

“You’re not leaving us, right Noona?” Jeongin asks from another part of the table. 

I look to Jeongin with sad eyes, smiling sadly. “I leave tomorrow, after our graduation ceremony.” There’s some gasps around the table.

“What?! Y/n, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Changbin blows up and Chan has to place a hand on his shoulder to restrain him.

“I didn’t want every time we met leading up to graduation to feel like a goodbye, Bin, I couldn’t handle that. So I kept it from you all so there wasn’t this tension every time we met.” I explained.

“Does Minho know?” Seungmin asks this time, and I shake my head.

“Y/n…” Han says worriedly.

“Guys, I know I’m not the only one that’s noticed that me and Minho aren’t that close anymore, so I haven’t really gotten the chance to tell him. But I told Hyunjin this a long time ago, that I wouldn’t tell Minho specifically, because there’s some things that I need to figure out and if I told him he’d find some way to keep me from going, or even worse, follow me. At least with Ahra by his side he won’t follow me to Itaewon.” There’s nods all around the table, understanding where I’m coming from.

“We’re gonna miss you a lot.” Felix sniffs and I coo, getting up from my seat to wrap my arms around him from behind. 

“I’m gonna miss you all too.” I sniff with him, a few tears escaping my eyes. 

Chan comes to join our hug, then Han, then Jeongin, and soon enough everyone has joined the group hug with me in the middle. All of us are crying, and I had never felt more loved than that moment. 

Eventually we break away from the hug and return to our seats, everyone dabbing at their eyes with tissues and sniffing. 

“Let’s all stop crying, tonight is a night to celebrate, all of us graduate tomorrow, and our dear Y/n got an internship offer in a big city!” Han holds up a drink and we all do the same, cheering and clinking our glasses together and celebrating the night away. 

The next morning I get ready for graduation early, putting on my makeup and doing my hair, and sending a message. 

to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

hey, can you meet me at p&p in thirty?

My heart picks up the pace as I send the message, I didn’t expect him to answer so quickly yet his message pings my phone within 2 minutes. 

from: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

sure, i can be there

to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

sweet, i’ll see you there

I turn my phone off and take a deep breath, we still had a few hours before we had to be at the school for our graduation ceremony, I’d have to leave just a few minutes after the ceremony ended which wouldn’t give me enough time to tell Minho, so, I made the painful decision the night before to tell him in the morning. I’d do it in our favorite spot in the corner of our favorite cat cafe, tell him the news slowly and hope that he takes it well. 

I leave my house and 15 minutes later I’m in our usual booth, my coffee order sitting in front of me and the cats all wandering around as there weren’t too many people since it was relatively early in the morning. I already bought Minho his typical Iced Americano and it sat in front of me, awaiting it’s owner. 

10 minutes later Minho arrives and makes his way to the table, sitting in front of me, smiling, unknowing of what’s about to happen. 

“Hey.” I smile at him.

“Hey you.” He smiles back brightly. “Sorry I couldn’t see you guys last night, I took Ahra out for dinner last night on a date.”

“It’s completely alright, how are you guys?” 

“Pretty good, things are going okay right now.” He answers.

“That’s good.” Nervously I take a sip of my macchiato in front of me, my leg bouncing in anxiety. 

“Y/n? Is everything alright? Your leg’s bouncing pretty fast right now.” Curse Minho and the fact that he knows so much about me, he reaches out for my wrist and checks my pulse, quickly noticing how fast it’s beating as his brows furrow in confusion. 

“Minho, there’s something I need to tell you.” I say, retracting my wrist from his grip. He doesn’t answer me but instead tilts his head like a cat does when it looks at its owner questionably. “I’m leaving.” 

“What?” He asks.

How could one look so endearing, head tilted and eyes full of emotion as I break the news to him? I ask myself. “I got an internship offer for a company in Itaewon, I accepted it and I’m leaving for Itaewon, today.” 

“You’re leaving today?” He says in disbelief, sounding out of breath.

I nod and continue. “After the graduation today I have to catch my bus. I didn’t have any other time to tell you so I had to tell you now.” 

“You’re… You’re just telling me now? Do the others know about this?” 

“I only told them last night.”

“You couldn’t have thought of telling me sooner?” He starts to get angry.

“Minho I-“

“What happened to telling me everything, huh? What happened to when we used to know everything about each other?”

“Minho, those days are long behind us, you have bigger priorities now, like putting your focus on your girlfriend, Minho. I couldn’t tell you because I knew you’d do something rash, and I didn’t even tell the others until last night because I knew every time we’d see each other it would be like preparing for the day I leave. You and Ahra have something so great going on for the two of you right now and telling you that I was leaving would take you away from that, and I can’t do that to you or her. Ahra is an amazing girl, and you have her now.”

“Will you at least visit?” His eyes are full of tears, some of the first I’ve seen in years and I hate that I’m the cause of it. 

“I don’t know yet, there’s some things I need to figure out myself first, before I can visit. But at some point maybe I will, when I’ve figured things out I’ll try visiting from time to time.” I offer him a sad smile. 

After a few moments of silence I get up from my seat. 

“We still have a graduation left, Min, I’ll still see you then.” I ruffle his hair and walk out of the cafe, no more secrets but one weighing down on my chest. 

The Graduation ceremony passes by in a blur. One moment we were listening to the speeches of each of the professors and the next we were tossing our caps into the air, cheering as we became alumni of our university. 

Our friend group met up in the front of the school, taking pictures with our parents and congratulating each other. Eventually, the time comes and I have to go. 

Our group stands in a circle, unmoving, as we all look at each other. 

“I’m gonna miss all of you so much.” I say in tears as my voice breaks.

“We’re gonna miss you too, Y/n.” Hyunjin says. At his words everyone gathers into a group hug full of tears and the weight of a goodbye on our shoulders. 

“You better promise to visit us, okay?” Felix holds me by the shoulders and makes a point to look me in the eye. Not trusting my voice, I nod and he brings me into one more hug. 

I hug each of them individually, saying a few words, before I reach the last person. 

I hug Minho and look into his eyes for the last time for a while.

“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.

“Me too.” And that’s all I can say. 

I leave the campus for the last time, hopping in my car to head to the station and start anew.

Second leads always leave in the end, they leave and let the two main leads have a happy ending. That’s what it felt like I was doing, and I couldn’t tell if I was content with my choice or not. 

Two and a half months in Itaewon passes quickly. 

The move into my new apartment was smooth, and it was odd to be in a bigger space than a small dorm room. It felt like I had more space than I knew what to do with. 

My internship was moving along smoothly as well, everyone I had met so far were really kind and taught me a lot. I was worried about feeling out of place but I had met a few other girls not much older than me who helped me feel at home. 

Being alone in a big city was unnerving, but what made it so much more comfortable was the addition of a cat that my parents had bought me as my graduation gift. She was a chartreux cat who I named Luna because I had always dreamed of naming my first cat that. My parents covered most of the costs of basic things like cat toys, a scratch post, her bed, and similar things. I thanked my parents endlessly when they came over to my apartment a week after I had moved in and gave me Luna. I wasn’t gone for too long during the day and always left food for her, she was great company when I came home and worked on projects late into the evening, curling up into my lap like the cats at the old cafe used to. She was my best friend in a city I was still getting accustomed to. 

I hadn’t talked to the guys much, I’d talked with them a few times in the group chat about how their job searches were going and trips they were planning to take soon. It was nice talking with them every so often but all of us were still pretty busy moving onto the next chapter of our lives. 

I hadn’t talked to Minho since I left, I’d assumed that he and Ahra were doing well, but that’s all that was, assumption. None of the boys talked about him and I couldn’t understand why, but I never asked since I was supposed to be moving on from my feelings in the first place. I thought I had been doing pretty well until something would come up that reminded me of him, like his favorite song would play in the cafe I bought my morning coffee in and spent my breaks at, or snapchat would send me “Today, 1 year ago” memories of him and me fooling around at Paws and Pastries. Whenever that would happen I’d be sent back to square one, and it felt like I’d never move on from Minho. 

I was on my way out to grab a coffee and spend my off day walking around, maybe looking into a few shops when I got a call from Hyunjin.

“Y/n! My favorite girl, how are you?”

“Hyunjin? What’s with the call?”

“What? Can I not call my friends from time to time?”

“Not when you’re notorious for calling your ‘friends’ after you’ve done something wrong.” I sigh.

“That was one time! Besides, it wasn’t that bad.”

“You dragged Jeongin to a party! And got him wasted!” 

“One. Time. Y/n. It was one time.”

“One time is enough for you to be in trouble for life, Hyun.”

“Okay, whatever, but I was meaning to ask you, what’re your plans for today?” 

“Me? I was just planning to go out, today’s my day off so I was gonna visit this one cafe and see some shops, why?” 

“No reason, what time do you think you’ll be home?” 

“Maybe five?”

“Great, okay, I have to go now, Han’s calling me, bye!” Hyunjin hangs up before I can ask him what’s with the weird questions.

“Hyunjin- Oh great he hung up.” I put my phone in my pocket before looking down at Luna who’s stretching near my legs. “Your uncle Hyunjin is quite the odd one, isn’t he Luna, hm?” I ask her and she meows back in response. “Weird indeed, but that’s just how he is. Mommy’s gonna spend her day out and then she’ll come home and we can watch the TV together, okay? I’ll be home soon.” I pick up Luna and set her on her little bed before ensuring everything is safe and make my way out the door. 

I spend the day eating at a large cat cafe that actually had an assortment of books with little reading areas while the cats roamed around everywhere. It was much bigger than the cafe in Gimpo, but I would always correlate that one with home. 

After I spent a bit of time reading there I went out and explored the shops for a few hours, bought some new jeans and a few blouses plus some makeup things. I got Subway for lunch and explored just a little bit more before heading home. Instead of going straight home, I decided to take the long way, going through the streets not minding the extra weight the few shopping bags I was holding in my hands gave me. The sun was just barely beginning to set as I walked into my apartment complex, getting into the elevator and pressing the button for my floor. 

I walk down the hallway to my door and am surprised when a familiar figure greets me there. 

“Minho?” I say as I walk closer. 

“Y/n!” He says happily, bringing me into a hug. 

“What are you doing here? Actually- Wait- Don’t answer that, do you wanna come inside?” I ask him.

“Sure.” He responds. 

I unlock the door and bring my bags in, setting them by the door. “Luna! Mommy’s home!” I call out automatically.

Luna meows and comes out of the bedroom, walking her way up to me before I pick her up. 

“You got a cat?” Minho asks.

“Yeah, parents brought her to me about a week after I moved in.” I put Luna back down and she moves to sit on the arm of the couch, her favorite spot to sit when the sun goes down.

“And you named her Luna,” He smiles fondly. “You always wanted to name your cat Luna.” 

“I’m surprised you remember that.” I chuckle. “Do you want some coffee?” 

“Sure.” 

“I’ll get that brewing, just give me a few minutes, you can take a seat on the couch and make yourself at home!” I tell him as I quickly retreat to the kitchen.

I have to take a few breaths when I’m far away enough from Minho, my heart beating just as fast as it would when I was around him back then. It was clear I hadn’t moved on at all. 

I brew the coffee as promised and wait next to the coffee machine with two mugs ready. A voice chimes in behind me.

“Your place is much bigger than the dorms.” He chuckles.

“Tell me about it, it was so weird buying more furniture than I was used to.” I laugh with him. 

The machine finishes brewing the coffee and I pour it into the two mugs, putting it on a tray with creamer and sugar before bringing it all to the coffee table in front of the couch. 

Minho and I take seats on the couch, separated by a bit of space between us while we sip on our respective mugs.

“So,” I start the conversation. “How’s home?” 

“Not too bad, same old same old, the guys being annoying as usual, you know?” He says.

“Sounds fun.” I chuckle. “And work, have you found anything yet?” 

“Not yet, I’ve got a few applications out, but I’m still waiting on some answers.”

“I’m sure you’ll get them soon.” I respond. 

An uncomfortable silence sets over the both of us, and I run my free hand through Luna’s fur who’s situated herself in my lap this time. I take a long sip of my coffee before asking another question.

“How’s… How are you and Ahra?” 

“Oh…” He trails off. “We broke up a few weeks ago.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that…” I had no idea that he and Ahra had broken up, in fact that was the completely opposite of what I thought had happened since they seemed to work together so well. 

“Yeah, it was a mutual thing. We didn’t really feel that kind of connection anymore, you know? So we just, broke it off.” 

“Are you okay?” I ask Minho.

“Me? Yeah, I’m actually not as affected as I thought I’d be, I don’t know if that makes me a cruel person or not but I was only sad for the first week or two. Nothing too bad.” 

“I see.” Another silence settles between us. This one is longer, more tense, there was something Minho wanted to ask but he wasn’t sure, and I couldn’t depict what question he was going to ask.

“Actually, I came her for a reason.” He says.

“And what reason is that?” I ask hesitantly.

“For answers.” My brows furrow, answers for what? “There’s something Hyunjin told me recently and it got me thinking, and I wanted to hear it from you if it was true.”  

I finish my coffee and place it down delicately on the coffee table, trying not to show how nervous I was with how badly my hands were shaking. “I’ll see if I have answers for you then.” 

“When you told me you were leaving, you said you had some, things, to figure out on your own. What was it that you had to figure out?” 

I take a moment to decide exactly how I was going to answer his question. Did I want to expose my feelings to him just yet? “Just, feelings.” I say vaguely.

“For?”

“Just feelings for somebody.”

“Is it Hyunjin?”

“No.”

“Chan?”

“Nope.”

“Changbin?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Me?”

I pause for just a half second, and apparently that was all Minho needed. “I guess Hyunjin’s big mouth was right after all.”

“Wait- What? What are you talking about?” 

Minho takes a long sip of his coffee before finishing letting out a sigh after swallowing, he slowly sets the mug on the table before making direct eye contact with me and silently killing me with the suspense. “Minho please just say something you’re killing me here.”

He only chuckles in response. “Hyunjin told me not too long ago that you took up the offer to work here because you were going to sort out your feelings, for me.” He says sweetly as I suck in a breath at his last words. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Minho-“

“Now now, Y/n, we shouldn’t hide things from each other anymore, should we?” His sweet, sultry voice was affecting me greatly as he leaned closer to me on the couch. I gulp and silently curse when Luna, the only thing keeping me sane, leaves the comfort of my lap for her scratch-post. 

“Minho…” I let out quietly.

“Tell me, Kitten, is it true?” He asks once again. 

“I-“ My voice catches in my throat when Minho leans in ever nearer, still making direct eye-contact with me. “Yes, it is.” I sigh out and Minho backs away. 

“He was right.” Minho whispers while my gaze drops to my hands that I fiddle with in my lap at the secret that’s let out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry.” I whisper.

“Why are you sorry darling?” He asks softly and uses his thumb and forefinger to tilt my head up by my chin. 

“I couldn’t tell you because I knew you didn’t feel the same, and then when you got together with Ahra we drifted apart because it hurt me to see you with her. Then I left and told you about me leaving so last minute. I made you cry, Minho, and I hate that I did. But I couldn’t see any other way out of it. I hurt you because I was cowardly and didn’t want to be selfish by telling you and having your attention move off of Ahra, when I was really being selfish by not telling you and hurting you in the end.” More tears escape my eyes as we look at each other.

“Princess, no…” He cups my face with his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “I’ll admit, it did hurt when you told me that you were leaving the day of, but I understood where you were coming from. Because you were right, I would have done something crazy to keep you by my side. Do you know why?” He asks, and I shake my head, still crying. “Because I need you by my side, kitten, even when I was dating Ahra I felt off but just didn’t pay any mind to it because I had her. But now I know it’s because you and I were drifting apart, I found out when after you left and me and Ahra broke up because I felt empty. I couldn’t text you to just come over anymore because you’re farther away from me now. I lied earlier, I said that I sent out some applications for jobs but didn’t get any answers yet, right?” I nod. “I got offered a job as a software engineer, here, in Itaewon, and I said yes.” 

“Why?” I whisper.

“Because I want to be near you, I need to be by your side Y/n, because I love you.” I let out a sob at his confession and he coos, bringing me to rest my head on his chest and rubbing his hands on my back and running them through my hair. 

“I love you too.” I say after a few minutes. 

Minho brings me out of his hold, and cups my face again. For the first time, he kisses me. His lips brush over mine before deepening the kiss, taking full charge of it yet somehow still being soft with me. His kisses were nothing short of addicting, and I knew I’d be in love with him for a long time. 

In that moment, kissing the man of my dreams, I remember that it may be rare that a second lead gets their own happy ending, but it’s not unheard of. Sometimes the main lead and second lead do end up with their own happily ever after. 

Notes from the author: I have FINALLY posted something y’all 😂 took a few months but she’s here, and she’s dishing out something at least. I don’t know how often I’ll be posting again, esp with school and whatnot, but I do know I need to drain out my drafts because phew, it’s getting a little full in there. 

But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this fic! I’m pretty sure it’s one of the longest I’ve written if not the longest. Hopefully it wasn’t too bad, I’m probably a little rusty but we can fix that (i think)

if you want more I still have my old stuff up on my masterlist on my account! hope to see you around :))

-nyx

[thran-duils]

Learn Her Place

Title: Learn Her Place Summary:  Fem!Omega!Reader x Alpha!Tony Stark x Alpha!Steve Rogers x Alpha!Bucky Barnes. The reader works for S.H.I.E.L.D. and is on suppressants. In this universe, we obviously are working with multiple Alphas being able to share an Omega. The reader has had sex before but it has been with Betas. She is very distracting to the Alphas and they’re tired of not being able to focus on their work, so they decide to make sure her suppressants no longer work and she is where they think she belongs. Without the suppressants, the reader succumbs to her hormones very quickly. Words: 4,894 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Non-con, ABO dynamics, smut, breeding, brief mention of infidelity, multiple partners, angst. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! Author’s Note: Kudos to whoever picks up on the movie line reference

Masterpost

Steve hated it.

Watching her come back from one-night stands with Betas and not feel any remorse about it.

She was an Omega and was granted freedom by the suppressants given to her. She was wasting her fertile cycles away on frivolous orgasms with random strangers. She was able to infiltrate regular society, mainly hide herself away into the crowd. It was not foolproof though.

There was still something there during what her cycle should be. If one did not know she was Omega, they would not attribute the feeling of arousal to her. But he – along with every other high ranking agent – knew she was and it was that much easier to pinpoint it. He could pick up on it and it made him clench his fists every time she was in close proximity, her infiltrating all his senses. He saw the other Alphas in the room tense too at those times, having a difficult time focusing on the mission briefs with her sitting so close. And one of those times was right the hell now. Tony was staring at her abashedly across the table, his fingers at his lips, his jaw clenched. His stare could be excused, he was an intense person. Bucky, next to Steve, chewed on his cheeks while he tried avoiding looking over at her.

It was selfish.

And foolish because the suppressants only did so much, and they acted like it was a solve all. S.H.I.E.L.D was trying so hard to be inclusive and it was only serving to bring down focus and morale when all they wanted to do was mount one of their team members who was acting above her Omega rank.

She had raised her hand and was answering a question. She was smart, there was no doubt about that. She had worked really hard to get up to this level and she continued to go above and beyond.

But…

Steve’s eyes raked down her clavicle to where the top of her breasts were exposed above her shirt. She most certainly had a push up on. His thoughts trailed to what they looked like bare. How they would look at different angles… when she was riding him, below him, from the side… all the different positions he could get her in. His favorite: cradled in his arms, his hand on her round stomach…

He snapped to attention when Wanda literally snapped her fingers in front of his face. He had been spacing out.

“You alright?” she snorted.

“Yeah, fine,” he said rubbing the back of his neck. He gathered up his file and got up from the table without another word, walking towards the door.

He spotted her down the hall, speaking with Thor. Thor was enthralled, looking at whatever she was showing him in her file. He was a huge teddy bear, just like Bruce.

Steve caught sight of Tony and Bucky coming to stand next to him, their eyes fixated on her too down the hallway.

“Anyone else not catch a single thing that was said in that meeting?” Bucky half joked.

“She’s distracting,” Steve snapped in hushed tones. “How do they not notice the affect she has? Has no one said anything?”

“Oh, I’ve already brought it up,” Tony told Steve and Bucky, rolling his eyes. “They’re marking it up to me not being able to ‘control myself’ and shaming me for it.” He added scornfully, “Were you forced to watch that goddamn video—”

“Where they were described as ‘delicate flowers’? Yeah, I did. And was that supposed to make us feel any better about thinking about them being put in harm’s way?” Bucky muttered, shaking his head. “They shouldn’t be putting her out in the field. Here in the office is one thing. But they shouldn’t be putting any position outside. They’re too susceptible to persuasion.”

Tony said, “That’s why it’s supposed to be secret about their Omega status.”

“I don’t like them out there,” Bucky repeated. “Not just for them but for the rest of our safety too.”

Thor was so close to her, laughing at whatever she had said. He was not affected at all. Steve ground his teeth watching that in front of him. She was comfortable around him, her hand coming to rest on his arm. He felt jealously scratching away at his insides, knowing she was in a cycle.

“It’s gonna drive me insane if I don’t leave,” Tony grated, tearing his eyes away from her to focus on the other two. “You going to the party tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Bucky and Steve said in unison, still staring down the hall.

Tony snorted, “Who the hell planned it on a Thursday, anyhow? Don’t get too worked up if she takes a random person home. I for one won’t be there to witness that. That is unless…” He pulled a syringe out of his pocket, holding it up and Bucky swiped it in the blink of an eye, making it disappear again. Tony threw him a wry smile and said, “I think it’s about time. Don’t hesitate too long now since she’s just gone into the cycle. It’ll take a day or two though to work, remember! And don’t let Banner catch you with that.”

He clapped Bucky on the shoulder before turning on his heel, leaving the other two Alphas to stew.

<><><>

Bucky and Steve walked into the loud club, finding everyone in disarray already in the VIP area. They had been on last minute mission and had returned late and the party was already well underway. The upper space of the club was packed of S.H.I.E.L.D agents at all varying stages of intoxication. Some had set up tables to play poker – something normally illegal in clubs but no one was bothering them – as well as varying card games.

Of course both of their attention was drawn in towards Y/N. Clint was laughing at the fact she had walked back from up the stairs with a sandwich shoved halfway in her mouth. “Y/N! The food is on the way! You remember? That we ordered?”

“But I’m hungry now,” she whined, her mouth full. “And Wanda asked for half of it!”

“You’re such a baby,” Clint laughed barely keeping it together.

Wanda was in stitches, her head thrown back against her chair. Vision was laughing in tandem with Wanda, following her movement. She only laughed harder when Y/N held out the untouched part of the sandwich that was supposed to be for her.

“Thank you,” Wanda said, taking deep breaths as she tried to stifle her laughter.

Natasha appeared at Bucky and Steve’s sides, raising her eyebrows. “They are drunk,” Natasha hissed at them over the music.

And she smirked then, an unfamiliar kind of smirk. And Steve cocked his head.

“Are you drunk?”

She shrugged sheepishly which was all the answer they needed.

You grasped onto Steve’s arm, startling him. “Have you guys done shots yet?”

Steve’s eyes flicked down to her hand only for a moment and he could feel every press of her hand into his bicep. He looked back up at her and told her, “I can’t get drunk, Y/N.”

“Oh, right,” she said looking immediately pitying of him. She rubbed his arm excessively in her drunk state and he stiffened, his jaw clicking. “I’m sorry. I forgot!” She laughed, noticing how stiff he was and poked him in the chest. “You need to loosen up, Steve.”

“I’ll try,” he said forcing a smile.

“You too, Bucky,” she commented eyeing his stoic expression. She touched the side of his face and he inhaled sharply. She giggled at the response and said, “Maybe you’ll feel better after a drink? You can get drunk right?”

Before he could respond, her attention was drawn elsewhere by Wanda. As soon as she was gone, Steve let out a frustrated sigh and Bucky mirrored his state.

“She’s not taking care of herself,” Bucky murmured, shaking his head. “Anyone could take her home. Anyone!”

“Yeah, well, we’ll make sure that doesn’t happen,” Steve returned firmly. Bucky frowned and Steve rolled his eyes, “You can have some drinks. I’ll just be the sober eyes.”

“Thanks for that leeway, but this has gone on long enough hasn’t it?” Bucky asked.

“It has,” Steve exhaled heavily. Y/N was holding Clint’s hand as they danced their way down the staircase from the VIP section, away from where him and Bucky were standing.

Steve was close to her all night, especially on the dance floor. At one point, he grabbed a female Alpha who had started grinding on Y/N and yanked her away. The other Alpha had started to get buck until she realized who exactly she was trying to fight. He was not a hard man to mistake, not with all the press conferences and his mere presence on top of that. She gritted her teeth before leaving seeing his icy stare, taking the hint. Y/N was oblivious, dancing to the techno music, hands in the air still with Clint and Wanda.

Y/N fanned herself and her hands came to the hem of her shirt. Steve’s eyes almost bugged out of his head as she began to tear it off. Steve was at her side immediately, grabbing the shirt before she could remove it completely, yanking it back down.

She focused in on him, confused, and he demanded inches from her face, “What are you doing?”

“It’s hot,” she yelled at him over the music, as if that was a reasonable explanation for her behavior. He imagined all the eyes on her now, his blood pumping in his ears.

Steve shook his head and grasped her arm, pulling her through the crowd.

“Steve!” he heard Clint call from behind him, but it went ignored.

Bucky knew when Steve walked by with Y/N it was time. He got up, following Steve’s movement away from the VIP section towards a more isolated part of the club. Y/N was asking Steve where he was taking her before Bucky snuck up and administered the shot before Y/N could even react to his presence.

She began to ask, “What the hell…” but her eyes were already drooping.

Steve caught her before her knees gave out from beneath her. She was conscious but she was far past coherent. She groaned in his arms and he picked her up, hushing her.

“Wish I could have gotten even two drinks in before that,” Bucky said, eyes searching the club. He looked towards the hall and said, “Should try to take her out a back way or…?”

“She was reckless,” Steve grumbled in his ear as she slumped into his side. “Let’s take her home. She shouldn’t remember any of this. But no, let’s take her back by so everyone can see how ‘drunk’ she is.”

“Right, good idea,” Bucky agreed.

<><><>

Tony walked in, seeing Y/N at the break room table already, at 7:00am. But, her head was resting on her forearms, a large cup of coffee next to her. He looked over his shoulder, seeing people were walking by in the hallway. Slowly, he closed the door, the handle clicking into place when it was fully closed. She did not stir, and he cocked his head. She must really be out.

He tapped her shoulder and she grumbled, sitting back uncomfortably. She was squinting at him and recognized him, before rubbing at her eyes.

“You alright?” he asked, feigning concern.

“Yeah, just… not feeling great,” she told him.

Hungover. Every clue of it clear as day to everyone else. But Tony was not everyone else. He knew this was not a withdrawal from alcohol but another drug entirely. Her body was correcting itself from that nasty medication, right at the height of her heat.

“You should be drinking water instead of coffee,” Tony told her, his Alpha peaking in his tone.

It was an easy way to worm himself in. He was not supposed to do this – but they had also not been supposed to administer that drug without her consent –, it was against protocol. But he just had to know. He had to see if she would respond.

Simultaneously to his surprise and not, she made eye contact with him. He saw… doe eyes. She quickly averted her gaze and looked at her cup.

“You’re right,” she told him.

Tony watched her with arousal as she got up and tossed the coffee in the sink. She went towards the fridge, but Tony was already there, opening it up to grab a water bottle for her.

“Let me,” he told her, and she stopped, looking at him patiently as he held it out to her.

She took it from him, taking a drink. “Thanks. I… I really don’t feel great.”

Tony pointed at her and said, “You probably need oxygen. And a lot of water.”

“Oxygen?”

“Clears a hangover pretty quickly.”

“Oh, I’m not—” she began to stammer, and he could not help his lip twitching in amusement at her looking embarrassed.

Tony chuckled, “It’s alright. The party was last night. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Y/N looked unsure if she should relax or not for a few moments before she relented, nodding. “Yeah, what idiot decided tequila shots was the way to start off the night?”

“Probably the same idiot who planned it to be on a Thursday.”

“Thirsty Thursday,” she mumbled, taking another drink.

“Thirsty Thursday,” Tony agreed lightly. “Eat something too. Something healthy. Fruit, maybe.” She grumbled in response but nodded as she sat back down at the table. She swiped an apple from the center of the table and took a large bite. Tony watched her for a few more seconds, anticipation nipping at his heels before he parted with, “Feel better.”

He needed to tell Bucky and Steve she should be ready by tonight if she was already reacting to him like that.

<><><>

Y/N was the last one in her office, the other two had gone home already. She looked up at Tony walking into the office, carrying a bag. Her stomach growled at the smell coming from the bag, her eyes falling to it. Tony only stalled for a moment, the smell of her coming to him. She was tumbling fast, she looked flushed.

Tony approached her desk, a friendly glint in his eye. “Ah, you are still here. Here, we ordered some food. I always go for greasy at some point after drinking and I’m sure it’ll help.” She looked past him to where Bucky and Steve were in the hallway.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Y/N told him timidly.

Tony loved the sight: she was tying to avoid direct eye contact, speaking in soft tones.

“Just thought we’d be nice.”

“Thank you.” She would not grab it from him. “Today has been… I don’t know. I can’t focus. I need to finish this before I leave. I just… I don’t feel great,” she said her voice getting smaller as her eyes were dragged back to her computer screen.

Tony ordered, “Press save and close the laptop. Eat.” He placed the bag on her desk. “It’ll help.”

He turned to leave, and she blurted, “Where are you going?”

Tony came to a stop, his gaze locked with Steve and Bucky, his back to her. To them, he gave them a sly, knowing smile that only lasted a few seconds before he turned back to her.

“I mean, you don’t have to leave and go eat somewhere else if you already have your food too. You don’t want it to get cold. I promise I’m not throwing up or anything. I just feel off. Like a headache… a little hot.”

She wanted them to stay, that was obvious. She needed something from them and even if she could not figure out what it was just yet, her body was telling her they were needed.

“Sure,” Tony chirped. “If it won’t bother you.”

She shook her head and he started walking back towards the desk beside hers. His suit jacket came off, and he swung it around the back of the chair. Steve and Bucky had come into the room as well, purposely leaving the door open. Bucky sat across from Y/N, his eyes following her movements as she opened the bag Tony had placed in front of her. He watched the way her hands shook ever so slightly, her tongue running across her bottom lip as she opened the container of food.

Y/N made a satisfied sound as she tasted it. “God, thank you. This is delicious. I needed it. I feel… shaky.”

The three of them around her was making it difficult for her to focus though. She kept stealing glances at them, being met with blatant stares back as they slowly ate. Steve adjusted, trying to hide his length that was starting to grow at her being so damn close and smelling so damn good.

Tony spilled some on the desk and said, “Shit!”

Before she could offer he was leaning over her, reaching across the grab a kleenex from the other side of her desk. He heard her inhale and he forced himself to not react, sitting back down, dabbing at the food he had spilled. His jaw was clenched; he should not have done that because now he was working himself up quickly.

The three of them noticed her chewing slowed to a stop and her eyes moved between the three of them. Something was starting to click… the tense silence in the room getting under her skin. The off feeling no doubt growing ever stronger.

Swallowing, she cleared her throat. Her voice was higher pitched than normal, “Do you guys want a cookie? To go with it for after, I mean? I… there’s some over here.”

She pushed her chair back quickly and moved away from her desk. Along the wall, she fumbled with the drawers, looking for these mysterious cookies. She was getting squirrelly, nervous, like she wanted some air. They could all sense it and they wanted to get ahead of her stressing out while they could. All three were out of their seats: Bucky strode across the room away from her, closing the door while Tony and Steve came closer towards her.

Y/N turned around startled at them all having moved so quickly, holding a handful of fortune cookies. Bucky leaned against the doorframe, staring directly back at her. She gave a small laugh, “Are people still working out there? Were we being too loud, do you think?”

Tony and Steve said nothing and her smile faltered, a frown growing. “Can���Can I just… get by,” she said trying to skirt around them but each time, one of them blocked her way. She tried to brush it off, holding the cookie out. “Do you just want it now?”

She asked, so innocently. Sweetly. Steve shuddered at it. She could not hide her true nature even in her tone. And the phrasing, the three of them smirked.

Bucky was still by the door, leaning against the frame. He popped a chocolate in his mouth, watching the scene unfold.

“Well, I would really like to get eat—” She said, trying again to break through their rank and being unsuccessful. She frowned visibly now, worry lines showing up on her face. She chuckled nervously, “Did I do something wrong?”

Steve noticed the spiral coming. He could hear the increase in her heartrate. She knew she was surrounded by Alphas and was growing uncomfortable. Especially since she was alone, it was late, and they were encroaching. His hand came up to slap over her mouth and she yelled frightened, the sound muffled. He pulled her away from the counter, dragging her back towards the third desk. Tony was ready, grabbing her arms and twisting them behind her back, slipping the retractable cuffs around her wrists. The cookies tumbled to the floor and he paid them no mind, stepping on them as he passed her to Steve solely. Her arms were bound at the small of her back and she fell face first against the table. All three of them were growing hard at the sight.

As soon as Steve removed his hand she began to scream, and he clamped back down.

“Omega,” Steve purred in her ear and she whimpered behind his hand. He laced his tone, his Alpha rumbling, “You’re going to be quiet aren’t you?” She said nothing, her chest just rapidly moving up and down. “Omega… are you gonna be quiet? Nod for me if you are gonna be good.” She nodded frantically against his hand and he slowly removed it.

Tearfully, she said, “Can you let me go?”

“Oh, no. No, we can’t, beautiful,” Steve said, his finger running down her exposed neck, causing her to squirm. He pulled away, turning his attention to Tony.

“But… I… I didn’t do anything wrong,” she tried to plead, looking at Bucky across the desk to where he was standing at the door. “I followed all the rules. I—” Tony’s hands lifted up underneath her dress and she let out a choked noise, craning her neck to look back at him. “Alpha, please!”

Tony audibly groaned at her slipping up and giving in to calling him by his title. He yanked her leggings and underwear down to her ankles. He freed himself from his slacks and his fingers pressed at her pussy. She buried her face in the desk, trying to squeeze her legs together.

“Oh, come now. None of that,” Tony ordered, and she loosened. His fingers pressed in, stroking her slowly. She was already wet, probably had been for the better part of the day. It is why the three of them had stayed away, they could have lost control before now and ruined it all otherwise.

“You’re not being punished, Omega,” he told her. “Rewarded actually…” She whimpered and he cooed as he continued stroking her gently, “Oh, sweetpea… beautiful Omega. You’re going to be just fine. You’re in the perfect hands. You feel sick for a reason and we are going to help you.”

The more he spoke, the more he watched her body relax against his hand and his tone. The smell of her was driving him insane – he could only imagine Steve and Bucky not being able to touch her at all. He should not stall for long, wouldn’t want to start a fight.

“You’re going to feel so much better,” Tony promised as she tried to push back on his fingers, and he bit his lip at the sight. His fingers were gone, and she let out a disappointed noise. Tony rubbed his cock up and down her ass, slowly. “God, this is gonna feel so fucking good.”

Tony’s head pressed in and she gasped, adjusting to his width. He gave a strangled laugh, relishing in how tight her walls were. She was squirming beneath him and he gave her a rapt smack on the ass.

“I know you haven’t had an Alpha cock before but relax, Omega,” Tony ordered gruffly.

“It’s too much,” she said pitifully.

“You’ll adjust. You’ll adjust,” Tony moaned, pressing in further. “You’ll be able to take all of me. All of us. It’s what you were built for.”

Bucky was becoming shifty, chewing on his thumb nail, his eyes boring into Y/N. He had stepped away from the door, coming closer to where she was. His dick was outlined in his jeans but he had refrained from releasing himself just yet. Steve on the other hand had taken his cock out and was stroking himself, needing some type of contact. Both of their eyes were blown wide.

“Oh. Tony,” Bucky said, aroused. “You would love this sight.”

Y/N’s eyes were glazed over as Tony thrusts grew deeper and quicker. Looking the perfect example of a subservient Omega, impaled on an Alpha’s cock.

“I love the feeling,” Tony choked back, holding tight to her wrists to drive himself deeper.

Soon, they came tumbling down. Tony came with loud grunts, emptying inside of her and he left a claim mark on her shoulder. Tony only took a moment to kiss at her neck, whispering something sweet into her ear before he backed off. His pants were buttoned back up and he collapsed in one of the chairs, his eyes falling on her.

Steve wasted no time coming behind her and entering her with ease. She whimpered at the intrusion, still so sensitive. His thrusts were unbridled, worked up into a frenzy. Y/N’s hips bounced off the desk.

“Alpha,” she whined.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Steve panted, his fingers digging into the skin at her hips. “You feel so goddamn good, Omega. You’re doing so well. So, so well. Everything I dreamed.”

The room was filled with skin slapping skin and the aroused moans leaving Y/N.

“Alpha,” she whined again, and Steve groaned, knowing she was getting close. He could feel her clenching around him.

And when she did, shaking and whimpering, Steve thrusted quickly as she tightened. He finished with a shout unable to help himself, coating her walls. He left another distinct claim bite at the base of her neck. His fingers traced it gently before he noticed Bucky standing there.

“You know, for an Alpha. Buck, you sure as hell are patient,” Steve joked.

Bucky gave a curt smirk before shoving Steve out of the way. Steve held his hands up in surrender, turning away and letting Bucky have his way with her. Y/N was doing so well still, behaving and letting Bucky rut her into the desk without pushback. Bucky had been right, Tony thought to himself. He loved that look in her eyes. She was lost to her arousal.

“P-p-please, alpha,” she begged moments before she cried out again.

Bucky grunted loudly, his thrusts becoming more erratic, chasing his high. He shook as he emptied himself and went to the opposite shoulder to leave another claim mark. She was exhausted, breathing heavily having not one but three Alphas imprinting themselves on her and using her.

The door opened and all three of them froze, Bucky still buried in Y/N, his large hands at her hips.

Clint was standing there, his mouth fallen open in disbelief at the scene. There were a few seconds of suspended shock before he asked them disgusted, “You couldn’t even lock it?”

“Didn’t think about it,” Tony admitted.

“You? You didn’t think? That’s rich,” Clint spat back at him. He noticed Y/N was handcuffed and realization dawned on him. He glared daggers at the three of them and snapped, “You’re going to get sidelined for this!”

“No, I don’t think so. More like chewed out… I’ve been chewed out before,” Steve said. Impatiently he added, “Now, will you close the damn door?”

His request went ignored by Clint, who pressed on furiously, “No, seriously. You guys know that right? Compromising an agent like this! Especially one they’re trying to keep up because they’re in such big demand to even out the ranks! She’s only going to respond to your Alpha commands now! That compromises her!”

“And why is anyone complaining about that? She should be answering to her superiors,” Tony remarked, watching her intently. She was so lost, trying to figure out what was going on. She had no purpose without feeling a cock being driven into her when she was this worked up into her heat. Tony almost felt bad for her…

“Barton, are you going to let Barnes pull out so we can untie her or what? She’s got to be getting sore by now. Wouldn’t want to hurt our ‘delicate flower’.” Clint stood his ground and Tony lost his humor, snapping, “Get the fuck out, Barton. It’s already been done. Now. Before I lose my goddamn temper.”

Clint’s jaw was clenched as he turned away from the three Alphas, slamming the door behind him so loudly it shook the wall.

“Speaking of that,” Bucky said, clearing his throat. He leaned in, catching her attention. “Darling… do you want Alpha to finish inside you?” She nodded fervently and Bucky grunted in response, rutting against her backside even as he pulled away from her. He pulled her up and she stood on shaky legs. In her ear, he asked, “Do you want to always be finished inside of?” She nodded again, biting her bottom lip. “Hmm… you want to please us? That’s what I thought. So. How about after you take in that feeling of that warm seed inside you, you go up to the director and tell her you want to resign? Tell her you wanna be a good little housewife for us? How does that sound?”

“Okay,” she agreed.

Steve’s fingers pressed her cheeks in, pressing her lips out and he smiled. “You wanna be an asset to the team in your best way. Such a team player.” He shot Tony a look at the end of the desk, an aroused gleam in his eye. “I’m sure we can get you a proper collar.”

“I’ve already got it built. I’ve been waiting for her to learn her place.” Tony then added, “But she can’t live with me. Pepper will kill me.”

“I’ve got it,” Steve said.

Steve rubbed her stomach and said, “Regardless, she’s gonna be serving her real purpose soon.”

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21 

[nowandajenn]

Blue Christmas- Eight

Pairing: Chris Evans/OC Kelly

Summary: After almost three years of marriage, everyone would tell you that Chris and his wife Kelly are the most stable, solid couple they know. But behind closed doors, things are tense as they keep trying for a baby, to no avail. When a secret threatens to shake their solid marriage to it’s core, will they be able to pick up the pieces?

I do not consent to have my content, whether it be this story or anything else of my creation, posted by a third party on any other platform other than right here without my permission. This blog is 18+ and is not intended for minors. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Heed the warnings.

Warnings: mentions of cheating, smut, language, angst, mentions of miscarriage. If any of this is triggering to you, do not read. 

A/N: This is going to be very dialogue heavy, and will have flashbacks of the night that Chris cheated and everything that happened. Flashbacks will be in italics. Just a warning, this chapter is a BEAST. There’s a lot to unpack, and it’s going to be super emotional. 

December 29

Chris watches from his seat in the comfortable leather recliner in our living room as I twist my wedding and engagement rings around on my finger. It’s a nervous little habit that I do without even really realizing it or thinking about it. A million thoughts cross his mind as he sits silently, waiting for me to say something. 

After taking a few deep breaths to try and steel myself for the conversation that I KNOW that Chris and I need to have, I finally look up from the floor and at him. 

“Do you want a divorce?” Okay, the thousand different times I pictured this conversation happening in my head, that was definitely NOT one of the ways. Apparently my mouth and brain aren’t communicating very well today. 

Chris looks up at me, his expression aghast. 

“Wha-.......” he tries to speak, but is too stunned to even form the words. 

“Is that why you cheated? You don’t want to be with me anymore, so you went somewhere else for whatever is it that you weren’t getting from me?”

“No! Jesus Christ, no! I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. I can’t imagine my life without you. No, I don’t want a divorce.” he tells me. 

“Okay, if that’s not it, then you have to help me out here. Because I don’t understand what possible reason you could have for cheating. It had to be something that I did. Or something I didn’t do. I need you to tell me what happened. Because until I have all the facts and I understand what the hell happened, we can’t move forward.” 

He sits forward in the chair and sighs. 

“What do you want me to tell you?” 

“I want you to tell me what happened that night after we FaceTimed. I want to know what happened between then and the next morning.” I tell him. 

“You KNOW what happened.” he says miserably. 

I shake my head. “No, I know the end result. I want you to walk me through every single thing that happened that night. Everything you were thinking, everything you did.”

“Why? What good is that going to do? What’s the goddamn point? How is me telling you everything that happened going to help ANYTHING? All it’s going to do is hurt you more, and I can’t do that. I won’t.”

“The point is, if we have even the smallest hope of getting through this intact, with our MARRIAGE intact, I need to understand this. I need to know. I need to know, because when I go to sleep at night, all I can see in my head is all the things that I imagine happened that night. And I need to know if what actually happened is better or worse than what I can imagine happened. I have a right, as your wife, to know what you did.” 

Chris looks up, silently pleading with you to not make him do this, but he knows that you’re right. You do deserve to know, even if it’s going to devastate you. 

“After we got off the phone, I had to go right back into interviews and there was two more photo calls we had to do, so by the time we got done it was about 7:30 that night. I was distracted the whole time. I hated that we fought, and I felt like an asshole, and I just wanted to call you back and apologize, but I didn’t have time. Plus, I figured that we both probably needed a little bit of time to cool down. I told myself that I was going to call you that night before I went to bed so we could talk more and I could apologize to you. We all got out of there, and Cate and Robert and the rest of them wanted to go to dinner, so we came back to the hotel, changed, and then went out to eat.” Chris tells me. 

“What time did you get back from dinner?” 

“Around 10, I think. It couldn’t have been much later than that. Everyone else was talking about going out and finding a bar or a club to go to, but I just wanted to come back to the hotel and relax. I wasn’t in the mood to be around a lot of people.” 

I pull my feet up on the couch and tuck them under me. 

“Okay, so you got back to the hotel, and then what did you do?” 

For as tired as he was, Chris couldn’t relax. He tried taking a hot shower, laying in bed watching TV, browsing social media, and flipping through pictures on his phone. Finally, after about 45 minutes and getting more and more keyed up and anxious, he decides to go down to the hotel bar. 

When he walks in, the place is empty except for an older couple seated down at the end and the bartender. Chris slides himself onto one of the stools and the bartender makes her way over to him. 

“Thank God. A friendly face.” she says with a smile. 

Chris glances down the bar at the couple. “They seem pretty friendly.” he remarks. 

“Yeah, but they’ve been here for an hour and they’re literally babying their drinks, and aren’t much for conversation that doesn’t involve each other. I’m bored out of my mind.” 

She stick her hand out. “I’m Jo.”

Chris reaches across the bar and shakes her hand with his own. “Chris. Nice to meet you.”

“So, Chris, what’s your poison?”

“What was her name?” I ask him. He just referred to her as “the bartender” and “she”. 

He runs his hand down his face and over his beard. 

“I don’t......I honestly can’t remember. It was one of those boys names for a girl. You know.....Alex or Max or James.......I don’t......I can’t remember.” 

I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath. I want to scream already, and he’s not even deep into the story. I shake my head slightly. 

“You slept with this girl, and you don’t even remember her NAME.” I say softly. 

Chris hangs his head. 

“Keep going.” 

She pours him another measure of whiskey, along with a shot for herself. They clink glasses and swallow the amber liquid, letting it burn it’s way down. 

“So what did you and your wife fight about?” she asks him. 

Chris sighs. 

“It’s......it’s complicated.”

“Hey, I’m a bartender, which means that I’m a really great listener. It’s practically a job requirement. You might feel better if you talk about it.” 

“We’re trying to have a baby.”

“Soo....what’s the problem. Trying is the fun part!” 

“We’ve been trying for a year and a half almost, and nothing’s happening. She’s perfect; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her that would keep her from getting pregnant, but it’s just not happening. And we both want a baby so bad, and the look on her face when......it fucking kills me.” 

He knows that he shouldn’t be telling a complete stranger all of this, especially considering who he is, but the alcohol has loosened his tongue, and if he doesn’t spill his guts to someone, he’s going to explode. 

Jo puts a soft, warm hand over his. 

“I’m sorry, That has to be tough. For both of you.” she says softly. 

“I mean, I guess I never thought that it would take actual work, you know? I assumed that ‘hey, if we just keep having sex, eventually she’s going to get pregnant’ and it would be easy. She’s getting scared and fed up and talking about adoption and fertility doctors, and I hate seeing her so stressed out and upset, and I kind of just.....I said some things and made it worse and I feel like a complete fucking jackass.” 

“What if you guys can’t have kids?” 

“As much as I want to have kids with her, I don’t need them to be happy. As long as I have Kelly in my life, I’ll be perfectly happy. Do I want to be a dad? Yeah, absolutely. But there are so many kids out there that need good homes, so there are other options, but I don’t think that we’re there yet, you know?”

I get up and storm out of the room with Chris right on my heels. 

“Kelly, wait, please.....”

He touches my arm and I spin around to face him, and the look in my eyes makes him fall back a step. 

I’m so pissed off and hurt right now I could spit nails. 

“You......you told her.....EVERYTHING. You told her.....EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING, Chris! Do you even......do you even fucking understand what you did? Like.....” 

I squat down close to the floor and put my head between my knees. My heart is pounding and I’m so worked up that I’m afraid I’m going to pass out if I don’t calm down. And I’m not going anywhere or doing anything until I get the whole damn story. 

“Look, I know-” 

I look up at him incredulously. 

“No! No, you don’t know! You don’t know shit! You fucking betrayed me, in every single sense of the word. You didn’t just fuck her, you told her, a complete stranger, about me. About us trying to have a baby. You told her about things that you never even fucking bothered to tell me! Do you realize that she could go to the press? She could go and spill all of these juicy little secrets that you spilled to her over shots of Jack and have herself a nice little pay day.”

“Kelly, you wanted to know what happened that night, so I’m telling you what happened, despite everything inside of me screaming at me not to. I’m not going to lie to you or keep things from you. You wanted to know everything.” Chris says. 

I squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth so hard that my jaw hurts. 

“I can’t look at you right now. I need a break.” I tell him, grabbing my jacket. I grab Dodger’s leash off the peg in the hallway and call for him. 

Dodger trots over, tongue lolling out of his mouth, happy to be going on a walk. 

“I’ll be back in a while.” 

Forty five minutes later, I’m in the utility room stripping off my wet clothes after getting Dodger dry and wiping off his paws. 

Chris stops pacing the kitchen when he sees me walking through the house in my bra and underwear. 

“What happened to your clothes?” he asks. 

“Dodger saw a squirrel and got excited and kind of dragged me through a snow bank.” I sigh. I throw my clothes in the dryer and make my way into our room to get changed. 

“Dodge, come on.....” Chris admonishes. Dodger just jumps up on the bed and curls up. 

I throw on a pair of gray sweatpants and a blue Patriots hoodie that’s hung over the back of the chair in our room and sit down on the side of the bed. 

“I want to know the rest.” I tell Chris. 

He sits down heavily on the end of the bed. 

“No, you don’t.” 

I swallow thickly. “You’re right. I don’t. But it doesn’t matter, because you’re going to tell me anyway.” 

Hours pass with Jo and Chris laughing and talking and flirting back and forth, until it’s 1am and the bar closes for the night. 

“Thanks for sticking around and hanging out tonight. I think I would have died of sheer boredom if you hadn’t.” Jo laughs softly. She offered to walk him back to his room as he was pretty well drunk and a little unsteady on his feet. 

“It was no problem. I didn’t really want to be alone tonight to be honest. I used to do really well on my own. I was used to it, and then......I wasn’t alone.” Chris tells her. 

Once they reach his room, they linger outside for a few minutes, both of them not really wanting the night to end. Jo steps closer to him, knowing exactly what she wants and completely unashamed about it. 

“You should kiss me.” she says softly, looking up at him with big doe eyes. She places her hands on his chest and instead of immediately backing away like he should have, he leans into her touch. 

Chris closes his eyes as he feels his mouth go dry and a strange fluttery feeling in his stomach. He hasn’t really felt this way since....

He opens his eyes and breathes out deeply. “I can’t. I’m married. I’m married and I’m insanely in love with my wife.” 

“So? You should kiss me anyway. I can tell you want to. You’ve been flirting with me all night.” she says, taking a step closer. “I won’t tell anyone. I promise. You need a way to release all this tension you’ve got, and I’m more than willing to help you out anyway I can.” 

Before his brain can scream at him to stop, he’s wrapping his arms around her and covering her mouth with his, kissing her soundly. It’s a battle of teeth and tongues, both of them trying to take control from the other. Without breaking apart, Chris manages to get his key card out of his pocket and gets the door open, pushing both of them through it and slamming it behind them. 

“This never goes beyond this room. We never talk about this ever again.” Chris gasps, pulling away from her just long enough to get the words out. 

“Absolutely.” she agrees. 

Clothes are torn off and tossed to the floor in a frenzy, and as soon as Chris drops his pants and boxers, Jo sinks to her knees and takes him in her mouth, swallowing him almost all the way down. 

“Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Christ, yes, just like that.” he moans out. 

He brings his right hand to her hair, holding it in a makeshift ponytail while his left hand goes to her shoulder. 

She almost makes him lose his mind with the things she can do with her tongue, and within minutes, he’s fucking her face roughly as spit runs down her chin and tears are springing to her eyes from the assault on her throat, but she loves it. She has the man she’s fantasized about for years shoving his cock down her throat, and she’s never been more turned on in her life. She smirks to herself as she wonders if his wife ever sucks him off like THIS. 

When he can’t stand it anymore, Chris pulls her off his dick and takes a few deep breaths. 

“I need a condom.” 

“Right. I have one in my purse.” she tells him as she reaches for her bag and finds it and hands it to him. 

“Get on the bed. On your hands and knees.” he says roughly. While her mouth was wrapped around him, he was mesmerized and couldn’t look away, but now he finds that he doesn’t even want to look at her face. He rolls the condom over his cock, giving it a few strokes before sinking into her from behind.

Tears stream down my face as I process all of what Chris just told me, and I can’t even BREATHE with how devastated I feel. It’s like a hole just got punched through my chest. I try and take a breath in, but it turns into a strangled sob and I drop my head into my hands and just let it out. 

Chris swallows thickly, wiping away his own tears as he watches me fall apart  across from him, wishing that he could do something.....ANYTHING to take all the pain away. To go back and undo everything that he did so you wouldn’t hurt. All he feels is deep, unrelenting shame and he knows in his gut that if you asked for a divorce after hearing all of his sins laid bare, he wouldn’t be surprised or even have the right to be devastated. He made his bed. 

I feel bile rising in my throat, and I stumble to my feet and race to the downstairs bathroom, falling to my knees and vomiting painfully as the image of my husband kissing this woman and fucking her run through my head. I barely notice Chris come into the bathroom until I feel him pulling my hair back and securing it with a hair tie, and rubbing my back softly. I can’t even find the breath or the energy to tell him to get away from me and drop dead. 

I’m so damn tired. Like, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this level of physical and mental exhaustion before. I sink back into the pillows a little more, and look over at Chris. Neither one of us have said a word since he picked me up off the bathroom floor and stood there with his arm around my waist as I brushed my teeth. That was 45 minutes ago. 

“It was just sex?” I ask. 

He exhales. “It was just sex. It was just once.”

I look back up at the ceiling and try and make sense of everything. 

“I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of it. I don’t understand why you would sleep with another woman.”

“I-I don’t know. I was lonely because we were fighting, and I missed you so goddamn much, and I was afraid of what was happening to us with all of the stress and I just......I got drunk, and I did a horrible thing. I did a horrible thing, and I wish that I could take it back. I wish I could take it back so bad it hurts. But I can’t. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life.” Chris says. 

I lift my eyes to meet his. “You were lonely? That’s your excuse? You were lonely, and you were upset. So you stuck your dick in another woman.” 

I stand at the kitchen sink and drain a glass of water in record time, and refill it. Turns out crying all day and then puking can kind of dehydrate you. I can sense Chris behind me, even though he doesn’t say anything. 

“Two years ago, a couple of weeks after you left for Africa to start shooting the movie, I found out I was pregnant. We hadn’t even officially started trying yet, so it came as a pretty big surprise. But I was so happy, and I couldn’t wait to tell you. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone, especially when you were so far away, so I was going to surprise you when you came home. I had it all planned out. I practiced telling you standing in front of the bathroom mirror, just so I could see the stupid happy look on my face.”

I feel tears prick my eyes, and I swallow down the sob that I feel threatening to come out. I turn towards Chris, and the look on his face is heartbreaking. 

“What?” he breathes out. 

“I was at a job.....I was shooting a birthday party for a little girl who was turning one. All I could think about was that that was going to be us eventually, and it made me so happy. Everything was fine, but then I started having horrible pain in my stomach. It got so bad that I collapsed, and the parents called 911 when they realized that I was bleeding. They did an ultrasound at the hospital, but they couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat. I had already miscarried. You don’t know anything about feeling lonely until you’re by yourself laying on a table with your feet in stirrups while a doctor cleans out your uterus.”

Chris is sunk down in one of the kitchen chairs with his hand over his mouth and tears running down his face. This is the first time he’s hearing any of this. 

“Why didn’t-” his voice cracks, and he takes a minute and clears his throat before he tries again. “Why the hell didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you tell me? I would have come home!”

“Chris, you were 8,000 miles away from home. There wasn’t anything you could do. It was too late. They had to do the procedure as soon as possible. I didn’t.....I hadn’t told anyone else that I was pregnant. And I didn’t want to call your mom or sisters because I didn’t want them to find out. I knew if they found out they would call you, and you would be devastated. And I couldn’t do that to you when you were so far away. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I was trying to protect you.”

The sound of his fist slamming against the heavy oak table makes me jump. 

“And what about over the last two years? Huh? Don’t you think that I had a right to know? Don’t you think I had the right as your husband, to be there with you? To comfort you? To mourn with you? To even have a fucking clue about what happened?” 

I take a deep breath. 

“You did.  You should have been there. You should have been there with me to hold my hand and cry with me and tell me that it was going to be okay, even though it was a lie. But you weren’t. You were doing your job. I don’t know if you realize it, but when you leave for work or press or whatever it is that you have to leave me for, you’re not the only one who’s lonely. You’re not the only one who has to deal with the silence. But you don’t see me going out and fucking someone else.”

Tears start to swim in my eyes again, and I suddenly feel like if I don’t get out of the house right now, I’m going to suffocate. I’ve been in here with Chris literally all day while we picked apart his affair, and I’m exhausted. I’m hurt and emotional and talking about the baby that we lost just made everything worse.

“I’m gonna go. I just.....I can’t handle anything else today. I know you’re probably really pissed off at me right now, and honestly, the feeling is mutual. Things are already about as bad as they can be, so I’m gonna leave before we have a chance to make it worse.”

The last thing I see before I walk out the door is Chris sitting at the table with his head in his hands, sobbing while Dodger sits on the floor next to him, whining in distress.  

 The Usual Suspects: @averyrogers83 @wordywarriorwrites @imanuglywombat @joannaliceevans-fanficblog @hlkwrites @reminiscingrogers @mom—nicole @jtargaryen18 @alexakeyloveloki @kelbabyblue @sarahp879 @moonlessnight14 @mojean13 @mrskokitztelford @artisticrogers1972 @southerngracela @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @mybesttobobcratchit @gracethegeek9902 @mdemontespan1667 @marvelfansworld @capslut2014 @dispatchvampire @jamielea81 @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety​ @nerdy-bookworm-1998​ @southerngracela​ @what-is-your-plan-today @letsdisneythings​ @theladybiers @lexeeehhh @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ @autumnrose40 @donutloverxo​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @jessaywahh-blog​@smediumsmeatbae @before-we-get-started​ @lizette50 @littlegasps @rageshots @what-is-your-backupplan-today @clairebubbles @patzammit @sweet--catrastophe @pandaxnienke @redhairedfeistynerd @hails270105 @syms-things-5 @chezdricks @denisemarieangelina @christ0pher-evans @supersquirrel1996 @thumbeliina​

[miss-smutty]

Forbidden

Chapter 1

A/N- I've teased y'all for so long I hope this series is going to live up to expectations, I'm confident it will though because I'm addicted and it's been super easy for me to write - I'm up to chapter 3 so far so updates can be on time! There's a slight age gap between my professor Hemsy and OC Jess but she's twenty and completely legal. You know this is gunna be a giant tease fest for the first couple of chapters cos that sexual tension is fucking gold 🥵

Summary- Jess meets the man of her dreams and then stupidly leaves without getting his number. Will fate bring them together again?

Word count- 1.5 K

Pairing- Professor!Chris Hemsworth x OC

Warnings- Swearing, age gap

18+ only!

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Posted: 5th August 2021

Taglist:- @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @jjpogueprincess @longlostinanotherworld @mostly-marvel-musings @darklydeliciousdesires @monet-belle

@skyfullofsong123 @swaggysposts

Chapter 2

I pulled out a chair at the last available table in the unusually busy coffee shop, I thought I might've caught a break choosing the one outside of campus but alas I was wrong.

I was about to sit down when the chair opposite me slid out from under the table, my eyes lifted to meet with the most sparkly blue eyes i'd ever seen. The sight of him took my breath away. Literally.

I stood staring, frozen on the spot, my mouth slightly ajar as I looked him up and down. He was tall, so tall, definitely over 6ft and built like a dream. Thick thighs straining against his fitted trousers, wide muscular shoulders and I just knew there was a six-pack hiding behind that tight t-shirt. 

"Sorry. You were here first, I'll just grab a take-out." He smirked a side smile, amused at how I was so obviously checking him out but his sexy Australian accent distracted you from anything else.

"It's fine, I'm on my own. I don't mind if you want to sit there too." I mentally face palmed myself, drawing attention to the fact I was alone wasn't the best idea but then again he was alone too. "I don't bite." I added trying my best to flirt.

It seemed to work, he smiled at me as he sat down and I took the time to admire his handsome face. He was quite clearly a lot older than me, the laughter lines around his eyes a tell tale sign but he was still quite possibly the best looking man I'd ever laid eyes on. His hair was fair and the short beard framed his face perfectly but the one thing that stood out the most were those piercing ocean-blue eyes.

"So do you come here often?" I cocked my eyebrow at him over my coffee cup making him laugh at my reaction. "Sorry, it's been a while." He said nervously, running his hand through his hair.

"It's been a while since you spoke to a stranger or…?" I questioned casually.

"It's been a while since I spoke to an attractive woman." He finished, his eyes sparkling as he watched me almost choke on my drink.

"Oh, I err…. I don't think you're doing too badly." I absentmindedly circled my finger around the rim of my cup, crossing my leg over my other and accidently rubbing my foot up his leg. My cheeks felt hot and flushed as I looked up into his eyes and saw him smiling slyly.

"Evidently. We're already playing footsie under the table." He smiled widely, a genuine smile that stretched the corners of his mouth. I smiled back at him shyly, thinking of something to say to change the subject before I ended up looking like a tomato.

"What part of Australia are you from?"

"I'm originally from Melbourne but I lived in Byron Bay before I came to America." 

"Awesome. I've always wanted to go to Australia, the Spiders put me off though." 

"Yeah I think they put most people off but in heavily populated areas they stay pretty much hidden, I think it's the size that scare people." How have I made this conversation go from flirting to talking about spiders? And how do I get back to flirting?

"Are we still talking about spiders?" I raised my eyebrows questioningly and laughed at the innuendo, flicking my hair over my shoulder. I noticed something in his eyes when I did so, a hunger, just a little flash and then it was gone again. I'm sure I didn't imagine it though because his eyes lingered on my exposed shoulders.

I checked my watch subtly, not wanting him to think he was boring me but I had to get to class and couldn't be late again, not when this semester had only just started.

"I'm really sorry, I'm gonna have to run, I'm going to be late. It was really nice meeting you." I gathered up my bags, ready to leave.

"Already? You've only just got here." He looked disappointed, his smile fading. His mouth opened as if he was going to say something else and then closed again when he saw I was ready to leave. "It was really nice to meet you too, hopefully I'll see you again." His eyes sparkled as he looked into mine, standing from his chair to get the door for me. I felt fireworks when his hand brushed against the small of my back and his face lingered close to mine. The tension was unreal, like we were the only people in the room as his eyes hungrily stared into my soul, undressing me with his eyes. My heart stopped beating when his face moved closer to mine so I could feel his breath on my lips, the smell of coffee and his aftershave filling my nostrils. I paused, my feet routed to the spot, I wanted him to kiss me so badly but I moved away at the last minute. Surely he wasn't actually going to kiss me, we'd only just met, that would be ridiculous. Wouldn't it?

********

I spent most of class daydreaming about my tall handsome stranger and the way he looked at me but most of all how I didn't even get his name. Or his number.

Now I was feeling sorry for myself because it would just be my luck to meet the man of my dreams and then never see him again. So I'd moped about all day and avoided the invitations for drinks after class. Instead I'd

gotten home early, changed into some sweats and settled myself in front of the TV for the night.

"What's up with your face?" My roommate, Ellie said as she walked into our room, throwing her bags onto her bed.

"What're you talking about?" 

"Your face. Looks like you're chewing on a wasp."

"Feeling sorry for myself." I pout pathetically.

"Why, what've you done now?" She rolled her eyes, kicking off her shoes and throwing her legs up onto the bed. I felt so lucky to have a roommate like Ellie, during our freshman year she'd become my best friend practically straight away and now after two years together we were practically sisters.

I sat up in bed cross legged and faced Ellie, getting myself ready to spill my misfortunes of the day with her.

"Well, I went to Impresso's this morning to get my morning coffee before class." She nodded, showing her enthusiasm by also sitting cross legged on her own bed, facing me. "And it was packed full of students, there was only one table left. So I went to grab it as soon as I could." She raised her eyebrow at me, wondering where I was going with the story. "And I kid you not, the most attractive man I have ever seen, pulls out the chair opposite me." 

"Oh my god! No way. Did you talk? Oh my god, this is like the perfect chick flick. Carry on." I smiled at her excitement.

"I told him I didn't mind if he sat there, I mean of course I didn't mind, you should've seen him El. Oh, oh, oh I almost forgot" I flapped my hands, bouncing on the spot. "He was fucking Australian."

"Fuck off, you're lying. Drop dead gorgeous with the sexiest accent ever. How is this even real? Now remind me why you're sat there with a face like a slapped arse?" 

"I panicked when I had to leave, didn't want to be late for class and I didn't get his number, didn't even give him chance to ask for mine." 

"Wow! Ok, now I understand. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking, I was panicking and you know what I'm like when I panic." You sulk.

"It's ok, maybe you'll bump into him again."

"Yeah, right. I should be so lucky."

"Cheer up." she says throwing a cushion at me. "There's a party at Alpha Kappa this weekend, I'm sure we can find you someone to help get over your mystery man. Or under should I say?" She raised her eyebrow at me, smiling slyly and making me laugh. She always did know how to cheer me up and maybe a party is what I needed.

There must be some good looking boys around campus that could make me forget about my Australian hunk. Surely? I thought about the guys I'd seen around campus, the guys I'd seen at frat parties and that's definitely not what I wanted. How could a twenty year old boy match to the masculine, experienced man I met this morning. My mind was set, I'd dipped my feet ever slightly into the mature pool and that's what I wanted more than anything. There was always something missing with previous boyfriends and I was tired of all the game playing. I wanted someone who knew what they wanted and wasn't afraid to get it.

The only thing was, he didn't know I was only twenty and I had no way of finding him again. If fate did bring us back together, would he mind that I was still a student? That I couldn't even drink when we went on dates? 

Who am I kidding? Of course he would mind, he could get any woman he wanted, why would he want me?

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Pierre Teillard de Chardin

* * * *

I'll never forget this story told by Jean Houston at a conference I attended as an MIU student. Very beautiful and moving, worth a read, especially if you're familiar with Teilhard de Chardin and his writings that got him in trouble with the church because he was way too cosmic for them.

"Mr. Tayer," by Jean Houston

When I was about fourteen I was seized by enormous waves of grief over my parents’ breakup. I had read somewhere that running would help dispel anguish, so I began to run to school every day down Park Avenue in New York City. I was a great big overgrown girl (5 feet eleven by the age of eleven) and one day I ran into a rather frail old gentleman in his seventies and knocked the wind out of him. He laughed as I helped him to his feet and asked me in French- accented speech, “Are you planning to run like that for the rest of your life?”

“Yes, sir" I replied. “It looks that way."

“Well, Bon Voyage!” he said.

“Bon Voyage!” I answered and sped on my way.

About a week later I was walking down Park Avenue with my fox terrier, Champ, and again I met the old gentleman.

“Ah." he greeted me, “my friend the runner, and with a fox terrier. I knew one like that years ago in France. Where are you going?"

“Well, sir." I replied, “I’m taking Champ to Central Park."

“I will go with you." he informed me. “I will take my constitutional."

And thereafter, for about a year or so, the old gentleman and I would meet and walk together often several times a week in Central Park. He had a long French name but asked me to call him by the first part of it, which was “Mr. Tayer" as far as I could make out.

The walks were magical and full of delight. Not only did Mr. Tayer seem to have absolutely no self-consciousness, but he was always being seized by wonder and astonishment over the simplest things. He was constantly and literally falling into love. I remember one time when he suddenly fell on his knees, his long Gallic nose raking the ground, and exclaimed to me, “Jeanne, look at the caterpillar. Ahhhh!” I joined him on the ground to see what had evoked so profound a response that he was seized by the essence of caterpillar. “How beautiful it is", he remarked, “this little green being with its wonderful funny little feet. Exquisite! Little furry body, little green feet on the road to metamorphosis." He then regarded me with equal delight. “Jeanne, can you feel yourself to be a caterpillar?”

“Oh yes." I replied with the baleful knowing of a gangly, pimply faced teenager.

“Then think of your own metamorphosis." he suggested. “What will you be when you become a butterfly, une papillon, eh? What is the butterfly of Jeanne?” (What a great question for a fourteen-year-old girl!) His long, gothic, comic-tragic face would nod with wonder. “Eh, Jeanne, look at the clouds! God’s calligraphy in the sky! All that transforming. moving, changing, dissolving, becoming. Jeanne, become a cloud and become all the forms that ever were."

Or there was the time that Mr. Tayer and I leaned into the strong wind that suddenly whipped through Central Park, and he told me, “Jeanne, sniff the wind." I joined him in taking great snorts of wind. “The same wind may once have been sniffed by Jesus Christ (sniff). by Alexander the Great (sniff), by Napoleon (sniff), by Voltaire (sniff), by Marie Antoinette (sniff)!” (There seemed to be a lot of French people in that wind.) “Now sniff this next gust of wind in very deeply for it contains.. . Jeanne d’Arc! Sniff the wind once sniffed by Jeanne dArc. Be filled with the winds of history."

It was wonderful. People of all ages followed us around, laughing—not at us but with us. Old Mr. Tayer was truly diaphanous to every moment and being with him was like being in attendance at God’s own party, a continuous celebration of life and its mysteries. But mostly Mr. Tayer was so full of vital sap and juice that he seemed to flow with everything. Always he saw the interconnections between things—the way that everything in the universe, from fox terriers to tree bark to somebody’s red hat to the mind of God, was related to everything else and was very, very good.

He wasn’t merely a great appreciator, engaged by all his senses. He was truly penetrated by the reality that was yearning for him as much as he was yearning for it. He talked to the trees, to the wind, to the rocks as dear friends, as beloved even. ‘Ah, my friend, the mica schist layer, do you remember when...?” And I would swear that the mica schist would begin to glitter back. I mean, mica schist will do that, but on a cloudy day?! Everything was treated as personal, as sentient, as “thou." And everything that was thou was ensouled with being. and it thou-ed back to him. So when I walked with him, I felt as though a spotlight was following us, bringing radiance and light everywhere. And I was constantly seized by astonishment in the presence of this infinitely beautiful man, who radiated such sweetness, such kindness.

I remember one occasion when he was quietly watching a very old woman watching a young boy play a game. “Madame", he suddenly addressed her. She looked up, surprised that a stranger in Central Park would speak to her. “Madame,” he repeated, “why are you so fascinated by what that little boy is doing?” The old woman was startled by the question, but the kindly face of Mr. Tayer seemed to allay her fears and evoke her memories. “Well, sir,” she replied in an ancient but pensive voice, “the game that boy is playing is like one I played in this park around 1880, only it’s a mite different." We noticed that the boy was listening, so Mr. Tayer promptly included him in the conversation. “Young fellow, would you like to learn the game as it was played so many years ago?”

“Well. . .yeah. sure, why not?” the boy replied. And soon the young boy and the old woman were making friends and sharing old and new variations on the game—as unlikely an incident to occur in Central Park as could be imagined.

But perhaps the most extraordinary thing about Mr. Tayer was the way that he would suddenly look at you. He looked at you with wonder and astonishment joined to unconditional love joined to a whimsical regarding of you as the cluttered house that hides the holy one. I felt myself primed to the depths by such seeing. I felt evolutionary forces wake up in me by such seeing, every cell and thought and potential palpably changed. I was yeasted, greened, awakened by such seeing, and the defeats and denigrations of adolescence redeemed. I would go home and tell my mother, who was a little skeptical about my walking with an old man in the park so often, “Mother, I was with my old man again, and when I am with him, I leave my littleness behind." That deeply moved her. You could not be stuck in littleness and be in the radiant field of Mr. Tayer.

The last time that I ever saw him was the Thursday before Easter Sunday, 1955. I brought him the shell of a snail. “Ah. Escargot." he exclaimed and then proceeded to wax ecstatic for the better part of an hour. Snail shells, and galaxies, and the convolutions in the brain, the whorl of flowers and the meanderings of rivers were taken up into a great hymn to the spiralling evolution of spirit and matter. When he had finished, his voice dropped, and he whispered almost in prayer, “Omega ...omega. . .omega.." Finally he looked up and said to me quietly, "Au revoir, Jeanne”.

“Au revoir, Mr. Tayer,” I replied, “I’ll meet you at the same time next Tuesday."

For some reason. Champ, my fox terrier didn’t want to budge, and when I pulled him along, he whimpered, looking back at Mr.Tayer, his tail between his legs. The following Tuesday I was there waiting where we always met at the corner of Park Avenue and 83rd Street. He didn’t come. The following Thursday I waited again. Still he didn’t come. The dog looked up at me sadly. For the next eight weeks I continued to wait, but he never came again. It turned out that he had suddenly died that Easter Sunday but I didn’t find that out for years.

Some years later, someone handed me a book without a cover which was titled The Phenomenon of Man. As I read the book I found it strangely familiar in its concepts. Occasional words and expressions loomed up as echoes from my past. When, later in the book, I came across the concept of the “Omega point." I was certain. I asked to see the jacket of the book, looked at the author’s picture, and, of course, recognized him immediately. There was no forgetting or mistaking that face. Mr. Tayer was Teilhard de Chardin, the great priest-scientist, poet and mystic, and during that lovely and luminous year I had been meeting him out side the Jesuit rectory of St. Ignatius where he was living most of the time.

I have often wondered if it was my simplicity and innocence that allowed the fullness of Teilhard’s being to be revealed. To me he was never the great priest-paleontologist Pere Teilhard. He was old Mr. Tayer. Why did he always come and walk with me every Tuesday and Thursday, even though I’m sure he had better things to do? Was it that in seeing me so completely, he himself could be completely seen at a time when his writings, his work, were proscribed by the Church, when he was not permitted to teach, or even to talk about his ideas? As I later found out, he was undergoing at that time the most excruciating agony that there is—the agony of utter disempowerment and psychological crucifixion. And yet to me he was always so present—whimsical, engaging, empowering. How could that be?

I think it was because Teilhard had what few Church officials did—the power and grace of the Love that passes all understanding. He could write about love being the evolutionary force, the Omega point, that lures the world and ourselves into becoming, because he experienced that love in a piece of rock, in the wag of a dog’s tail, in the eyes of a child. He was so in love with everything that he talked in great particularity, even to me as an adolescent, about the desire atoms have for each other, the yearning of molecules, of organisms, of bodies, of planets, of galaxies, all of creation longing for that radiant bonding, for joining, for the deepening of their condition, for becoming more by virtue of yearning for and finding the other. He knew about the search for the Beloved. His model was Christ. For Teilhard de Chardin, Christ was the Beloved of the soul.

Years later, while addressing some Jesuits, a very old Jesuit came up to me. He was a friend of Teilhard’s—and he told me how Teilhard used to talk of his encounters in the Park with a girl called Jeanne.

Jean Houston

Pomona, New York

March, 1988

[bbyboybrock--archived]

Happy New Year (Colby Brock Imagine)

Summary: *REQUEST* Can you do one where they are strangers and meet each other during a new years eve party and then end up kissing each other when the ball drops and make it super romantic (not in covid times) pretty please

Written: 2021

Word Count: 2,040

Warnings: Swearing, mention of being roofied, breakup

Masterlist

I sit in the uber, waiting for everyone to get out. Maybe they’ll be too excited about the party to realize that I went home. Maybe I should escape out the other door and disappear into the night. I didn’t even want to come out tonight in the first place. After the year I’ve had, going to an influencer party is the last place I want to attend. Unluckily for me, my best friends were tired of me staying in my apartment all day, every day, and refused to let me ring in the new year alone. Sadly, this meant that I had to go with them to a party because my apartment gave off “depression vibes” and that “wasn’t the move” for 2021. That’s the only thing that I agreed with them on, the vibe thing, not going to a party. 

After nearly a year of quarantine and processing a breakup, my place is a bit of a disaster. If it wasn’t for Janie ambushing me every day last week to help/force me to clean up, my apartment would still look like that cave where the grinch lives— minus Max. There were various alcohol bottles collecting dust on the counter. Not in a “she’s spiraling very rapidly” sort of way, but in a way that you could tell that I had a rough few weeks and the occasional wine night with the gals. There were boxes, mostly from March and April, that I still had yet to throw out after impose buying a bunch of stuff. My closet had turned into my bed because that was the only safe space that wasn’t cluttered with food packaging or tainted by memories that no longer bring me joy. I hadn’t properly seen my floor in months until we pulled back the layer of filth. I forgot that I had carpet. Still, after all that, I managed to make videos every week without fail.

“Y/N, c’mon, you’re not escaping this time. Let’s go so you can forget that asshole and that backstabbing bitch.” Persephone begs as she pulls me out of the car. Once out of the car, she adjusts her long, dark brown curls and smooths out her dress before reconnecting to her boyfriend’s hip. They both match with their gold and black outfits. All of my friends and their significant others match. Ophelia and her girlfriend are wearing silver and blue while Janie and her boyfriend are wearing maroon and gold. They all look like gods and goddesses and here I am wearing green and sliver on my own. Could I be anymore single?

“I’m not going to do it, I was just thinking about it. Don’t worry. I have to get footage for the vlog anyway. Gotta prove that I did something other than stay home this year. My fans are getting concerned.” I pull out my camera and get a few clips of everyone.

“Might as well get some pictures then so people will believe you.”1 Ophelia winks before grabbing me and leading us to what I’m assuming is the designated photo spot. There’s even a line. This is going to be one of those nights.

****

“Aw, fuck…” I mutter to myself as my drink gets knocked out of my hand. This house isn’t big enough for the number of people that were invited. 

“I am so sorry! Here, let me help you.” The guy who bumped into me extends his hand for me to grab. I’m sober enough to know not to take completely random strangers' hands at parties, especially in LA, but I’m also drunk enough to not care. He looks nice enough and I can spot Ophelia and her girlfriend Zoe keeping an eye on me from the corner of the room. I guess everyone is taking turns to make sure I don’t bail.

Against better judgment, I take this beautiful stranger’s hand and let him guide me out of the house to the backyard. It’s less crowded out here, maybe because there are more activities to do inside. Out here, I can actually breathe even though people are smoking and vaping out here. The music is quieter. The music is still loud, but like it would burst your eardrum like the music inside. I get a better look at the guy who brought me out here. He’s not bad looking, and I really hope that’s not the alcohol talking. He has the most relaxing blue eyes I’ve ever seen on a guy. His hair is dark brown with a bit of, I think, purple in the front. He looks as threatening as a pug, but looks can be deceiving.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get any on you did I?” He asks as he scans my body, not in a creepy way. Which is a nice change of pace.

“My feet but they’re just shoes so I don’t care. I call these my going out shoes, they’re made for moments like this so you’re all good. I’m Y/N by the way.” I stick my hand out for him to shake. He looks at it puzzled for a second before it registers and he grabs my hand and gives it a firm shake. 

“Right— I spilled your drink on you and basically kidnapped you from the party and you don’t even know my name. It’s Colby, Colby Brock.” Colby shakes my hand a little too long before quickly pulling it away.

“I’m Y/N, you can get the last name later,” I bite my bottom lip, close my eyes, and mentally slap my head. “That was lame, wasn’t it?”

“It’s fine. It’s a thousand times better than anything I would have come up with. Just blame it on the alcohol.”

We both laugh before Colby singles that he’ll be right back. I watch as Colby disappears a small group of people. I take off my shoes and walk to the pool, dipping my feet in as I sit. The cool night air is soothing me. It’s a nice change from the stale scent of my apartment and the sweaty bodies inside the party. I look up to the night sky. The light pollution makes it impossible to see what stars and constellations are above us. Whatever I’m staring at right now feels peaceful, like they are aligned or not in retrograde. I have no idea what any of that means, but I do know that I’ve been around Ophelia too much.

Colby taps my shoulder when he gets back. He kicks off his shoes and socks before joining me in the pool, not even rolling up his pant legs. He’s going to regret that in a few hours. He hands me an unopened can of Truly. I take it from him and open it myself. At least I know he’s not a creep. He opens a can of White Claw and sips it before breaking the silence.

“I have to be honest, Y/N.” Colby looks forward, taking another sip.

“Oh no, what is it?” I ask nervously.

“The real reason I dropped your drink is because I saw some asshole slip something in your drink.” Colby finally looks at me and I can tell he’s serious.

“Wait…what? Someone tried to… Any you thought the best was to inform me was to spill my drink all over me?” I’m more taken aback by the idea of me almost getting roofied than anything. That would have been the perfect way to end this shit storm of a year.

“In hindsight, I planned to spill your drink. I didn’t mean to get any on you. I’m not a hundred percent sober right now so that was the downside of my plan. Don’t worry about the guy, my friend Corey went after him.”

“Wow— Uh, thank you. I mean it. I don’t think I could have dealt with… that on top of everything else I had to handle this year.” I take a sip of my drink and swing my legs in the water. 

“Do you want to talk about it? I’m not big on talking about serious stuff with strangers, so I’ll understand if you don’t want to. However, we’re both getting hammered, if we aren’t already, so the likely hood of us even remembering this conversation tomorrow let alone who we are slim. So if you need to vent, vent.”

I weigh the pros and cons of actually venting everything to this beautiful stranger. Maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but I decided to say fuck it. The year is almost over anyway, might as well get rid of this baggage and start the year fresh.

“Long story short: after months of quarantining together Axl, my boyfriend of 10 years, cheated on me. The entire time we were in quarantine. With my younger sister, who I let quarantine with us so she wouldn’t be alone and not have to fly back home to be with our parents. And to top it all off, I found out about it on my birthday when I walked in on them fucking each other on my bed.” I take a larger sip of my drink before leaning back and staring back at the virtually starless sky.

“Holy fucking shit,” Colby leans back to join me in looking at the sky.

“Yup! We met in preschool and started dating when we were 13. She’s four years younger than us to that’s annoying.” 

“Not to be that guy, but I don’t know what you expected when you started dating a guy named Axl.”

“… You’re right, that is a pretty douchey name. I literally ignored the biggest red flag in my entire life.”

Colby and I laugh again until it fades. I don’t think I’ve laughed this much, like actually laughed, in months. It feels good. Inside the house, the crowd starts counting down from 15. Colby must have heard it too because I watch him turn his head from the corner of my eye. I turn my head to face him. He really does have beautiful eyes. Like the ocean.

“This may be a dumb idea and I know we don’t know each other, but do you want to be my new years kiss?”

“I may regret this in the future, but what the hell.” We both sit up and adjust our clothes.

It might be risky to just kiss a random stranger at midnight, but who cares. We’re most likely not going to be in each other’s lives after tonight anyway. But by God, I could do much worse than kissing Colby. Unless I’m very drunk and the drunk goggles are seriously fucking with me. It’s not like I’m going home with him, my friends won’t let that happen. Maybe after this party, we’ll go our separate ways and never see each other again. Maybe we’ll run into each other in a random store in LA or at some creator convention.

The drunken yells of party-goers inch closer and closer to midnight.

“Three,” Colby whispers, moving his hair out of his face.

“Two,” I take one more small sip before finally setting my drink down. Colby does the same. My heart is beating a loud, steady rhythm in my chest like it’s about to burst.

“One,” We whisper at the same time before slowly leaning in.

As our lips touch, it felt like time had stopped. The beating intense beating in my heart only intensifies the longer our lips stay pressed together. One of Colby’s hands finds my face why the other reaches for my thigh, but I can only focus on how soft his lips are. My stomach starts forming knots as he tries to deepen the kiss. I don’t know if it’s everything I drank tonight coursing through my veins or the fact that I haven’t been kissed in months, but I slightly part my lips. The mixture of Colby’s scent and his body heat wash over me like they’re intoxicating my senses. The kiss ends just as suddenly as it started. We both pull away and just stare at each other in awe.

“L/N,” I breathe, fixing my hair.

“What?” Colby takes another sip of his drink.

“My last name is L/N.”  

[didsomeonesaydaddydraco]

Drown your demons | Draco Malfoy one shot

Request: yes! @daltonacademia (maybe draco with the prompt "are you drunk?"(You don't have to do any of this) but I imagine him drunk on the astronomy tower because his home life is too much and you find him and comfort him maybe???Also ily)

Word count: 2,834 words

Warning: drinking, dark thoughts

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader 

Note: This was a requests from the prompt list. Used prompt: “Are you drunk?” (22.)

Everything has changed since the Ministry announced that He Who Shall Not Be Named returned. Hogwarts, the place that once was home and safety for its students became the main target. Darkness shadowed the place and everyone who was there. It felt like everyone was fighting with their own demons, some of them with even bigger and meaner ones. Students were afraid to walk to class or back to their dorms alone, always going in smaller or bigger groups. The Golden Trio acted even stranger than before, and the Professors kept a closer look on everyone and everything. Everyone had secrets, even those, who looked innocent. Trust became the most fragile and important thing, but they struggled to trust each other. It was impossible to tell who was loyal, and the biggest question was, if they were, who they were to? 

“Hi, guys” Y/N greeted her fellow housemates and sat down next to Pansy Parkinson, who quickly hugged her friend and offered her a cup of pumpkin juice. Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott greeted her with a smile, but immediately went back to their conversation about Quiditch. Y/N looked at the students from Slytherin, seeing familiar facies from higher years, some of her friends, but not who she was looking for. She hadn’t seen Draco Malfoy all day, which was odd, because he never missed a class. They weren’t exactly close friends, but they were in the same group of friends, and Y/N acknowledged the young wizard’s strange behaviour. Draco became even more distant with his friends, and skipped their study sessions in the Common Room. He looked paler than ever, and dark circles shadowed his porcelain like skin. He hardly ever joined them for any of the meals, and when he did, he just played with his food and excused himself shortly after sitting down. 

“Where’s Draco?” Y/N asked her friends, but the look on their faces told her everything. They didn’t know where he was and what he was doing, but they were getting worried about him too. His behaviour wasn’t unnoticed, but every time any of them tried to ask him about his struggles and problems, he shove them away and said they should mind their own business. She sighed and shook her head. This whole situation was affecting their friendship, and she hated to see how her friends chose to act like the problem wasn’t even there in the first place. Their friend clearly needed help, or just someone who checked on him from time to time, just to see that he was alright and wasn’t harming himself “I’ll go and find him” she stormed out of the Great Hall, not exactly knowing where to find Draco. She didn’t know him too well, but she knew he was good at sneaking up to places he wasn’t supposed to. She tried the library, knowing that during dinner time, it would be almost completely empty, leaving it a perfect hiding spot for Draco. But Madam Pince told her Draco wasn’t there, and she hadn’t seen him in weeks. Which was odd, because Draco told them several times, that he couldn’t hang out with them because he wanted to study in the library alone. She was wandering around the castle, trying to figure out where he could be. She even asked Peeves, if he had seen Malfoy, but he only looked at her and vanished away without a word. She was getting worried by every minute, and she almost gave up on finding him, when she remembered something. Draco was fascinated by the Astronomy Tower and he sometimes sneaked up there is the middle of the night when he thought everyone was asleep. Students weren’t allowed to go there alone, but this never seemed to concern most. It was a well liked hiding spot for secret lovers to meet up without anyone noticing them. So of course it was perfect for someone, who wanted to be left alone. She made sure nobody was following her, and Filch wasn’t anywhere to be seen before she sneaked up to the Tower, cursing herself for not bringing her robe with herself. It was the end of October, and the weather was terrible all week. It rained non-stop and the cold headwind of November was already running through the corridors of Hogwarts. The higher she got, the more audible the sound of rain get. She was praying to find him there.

“Y/L/N?” Y/N took a deep breathe and looked up when she heard someone calling her name. Draco was sitting on the floor, his back leaned to the wall. A half empty bottle of Firewhiskey was placed by his side and his long fingers were holding a crystal glass “What are you doing here?”

“Are you drunk?” Y/N was more worried than before. She wasn’t a saint, she knew it. They shared their fair amount of parties that ended pretty badly with a terrible hangover the next morning, but seeing Draco sitting on the ground and drinking by himself alarmed something in her. She felt in her bones that something was wrong and maybe his problem was worse than she imagined.

“You didn’t answer my question” he chuckled darkly and lifted the glass to his lips. She watched as he emptied the glass with only one sip and refilled it right after. She didn’t know if she was supposed to stay right where she was, or if she was supposed to sit down next to him. She just stood there and tried to find the right words or figure out what to do. 

“Neither did you” she bit back and took a step closer to reach the bottle on the ground and take it away from Draco, but the boy was faster and grabbed it before she had the chance “Malfoy, what’s going on with you? You’re not the…”

“Same?” Draco laughed and stood up, but he had to lean back to the wall to stay steady “Oh, please. Don’t act like you know me or care about me” he rolled his eyes and turned his back to her. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be left alone with his thoughts and sorrow. Everything was getting too much for him, and he knew he couldn’t ask his friends help, because he wasn’t allowed to say anything at all. He was alone in that madness and no-one was there to help him. His thoughts were in a very dark place, and there were days when the only solution he could think of was ending his pain. Hogwarts used to be his safe place, where he couldn’t wait to come back every year to be away from his toxic father. But now, no matter where he was, Voldemort was there. At school, people were whispering about the dark wizard and everyone was waiting for the moment he would show up and kill everyone. At home, Voldemort was walking around their home like it was his own. Draco couldn’t found his place in this world anymore, and the only way he could tolerate that sorry excuse of life was if he was drunk. 

“Stop pushing us away” her tone surprised Draco. He always knew she wasn’t someone you wanted to mess with, because she could turn from literal sunshine to deathly ice in just a second and ruin your whole life is she wanted to, but she never used this cold and demanding tone with him before “You think you’re such a good liar, but the truth is, you’re terrible at it. So please, spare us the unnecessary drama and argument, and tell me what’s wrong with you, so I can help”

Draco watched her. She was standing a few steps away, her hands folded in front of her chest. He watched as her chest rose and shrunk with her deep breathes, the mixture of determination and worry was written all over her pretty face. He always found her the most beautiful girl in the whole school. Something about her made Y/N absolutely irresistible, and he often found himself just watching her basically just existing. She was stronger than she looked like. But she was naive. She wanted to believe everyone was good deep down so she treated everyone the same. And Draco knew this would be the end of her one day. Could he trust in her? Could he just open and tell her how much he hated his sorry excuse of a father for ruining their family? Could he tell her how scared he was that his mother would get hurt or worse, killed? Could he tell her about the burning mark on his  left arm, remembering him about all the bad things he had already done and the bad things that were still waiting for him? Could he ruin her with the truth? Draco scoffed and gulped down the liquor in his glass. He needed the alcohol to numb his pain and silence his thoughts. He loved the floating feeling and how he stopped thinking and feeling for a few hours. But he also knew it wasn’t the solution. Draco was used to pushing people away and not caring if someone wanted to help him, but his mind was so dark, he knew he had to found the light again. Maybe Y/N was the light he was searching for for so long.

“Everything seems to be exhausting me, no matter how much sleep of how much coffee of whiskey I drink, or how long I lie down” he looked at her “Something inside me seems to have give up. My soul is tired” his eyes were fixed on her face, looking for the slightest sign of sorry, but all he could see was calmness. She was actually listening to him. She didn’t try to tell him to get his shit together and stop acting like a whining baby. She looked like she knew exactly what he was going through “Every fucking time I ask myself if this whole thing is my fault, the way I feel” he was raging. His lips were moving without his permission and his words were slipping out. Maybe he was saying too much, but he didn’t care. Not there and then. All he knew was he finally had someone to talk to. He was selfish. He knew this could end up with a tragedy, but he also knew he would never let anything bad happen to her. Just the single thought of Voldemort going any near to any of his friends made his blood boil and without thinking, he threw the glass to the wall with full force. He watched how the crystal fall to tiny pieces, and he ironically found similarity to how he fell apart during summer break, when everything changed in his life “This molten inside me screams at me that of course it is. I am sensitive, stupid. I’m making this worse and worse. Everything is my fucking fault”

“Sometimes the word place you can be is in your head” Draco found her voice rather calming and kind. It was new to him. The last few years, the only kind voice was his mother’s, but after everything that happened, she hardly talked anymore. Draco knew she was trying to stay strong for him, but he heard her crying in her bedroom so many times. He hated that he didn’t know how to talk to her about feelings. He wanted to be there for his mother and protect her. 

“I’m a fucking coward” he punched the wall hard. And again. And again, until his skin was bruised and blood was leaking from the wounds on his knuckles. He felt a soft hand stopping him from another punch. Y/N was holding his nasty fist in her small hands, looking up at Draco with a knowing look. Her eyes were so pure and clear, Draco never wanted to look away from them. He found something in there, that he thought he would never be able to find in his life. He found peace. 

“You wake up every morning to fight the same demon that left you so tired the night before, and that Draco, is bravery” she said in a calm voice. Y/N knew it wasn’t going to help if she starts yelling at him. Draco was in desperate need for a soul, who was there to protect him from his own self. He looked at the bottle in his hand and could imagine how pathetic he would have looked like. Standing there, so drunk he could barely think straight or stand of his own legs. Trying to drown his demons, only to realise, the only demon was at his childhood home, plotting a murder on Harry Potter and everyone who was trying to defeat him. He took one huge gulp from the burning liquor and throw it down from the Tower “Draco”

“I’m a bad person” he turned around to face her again. She was shaking, but it was hard to tell is she was just cold or she was scared. He wouldn’t have been surprised if she was terrified of him. He would have hated to be in the same room as him. 

“You’re not a bad person for the ways you try to kill your sadness” she smiled softly at him. Draco felt a little warmness in his heart. She had a pretty smile, it could lit up the whole Common Room. Such a small gesture, but it was a foreign gesture for him, it almost broke him down is loud sobs. 

“Look at you, so pretty and naive” he said and placed two of his fingers under her chin to tilt her head up so he could take a better look at her. Her beautiful eyes were studying his featured, trying to figure out what was going on in his mind, what he was feeling, what he was fearing, but all she could see was darkness and how lost and lonely he was “I’m not talking about the drinking, darling” 

Y/N caught Draco’s quick glance to his left forearm and it suddenly clicked to her. Everything was crystal clear. She wasn’t stupid, she knew what was going on out there. Everyone knew Voldemort was building his own army, and he needed to followers to join the Death Eaters. She knew about Lucius Malfoy being one of them, but she would have never imagined that he would force his one and only son to be one of them too. Draco was a git. A filthy little, arrogant asshole who enjoyed torturing others with his pathetic insults, and he was brought up in a family who only believed in pureblood, but he was a good person. A good, but lost boy, who was never told how to be good. He did what he thought would make his father happy and proud. Death Eater or not, Draco needed someone. 

“You know” he breathed “In another life, where there is no war, no dark wizards” he shook his head “In another life, I would grab your hand and hop on the first plane to take you away from everything and everyone bad, to marry you” Draco couldn’t believe his own words that were leaving his mouth. They were true though. He found his peace in her, and she was still there. Draco knew he didn’t have to say those words, because she already knew. She couldn’t hide the shock on her face, but she was still there, holding his hand that was still tilting her head up and stroking the side of his palm softly. 

“It doesn’t have to be another life” she sat down on the ground, pulling Draco with her and pushing him down to lay his head on her lap “I’m here now. You’re not alone anymore, Draco” that was it. Draco reached his breaking point and let out a loud sob. He buried his face in her stomach and let out everything. All the pain, all the fair, all the loneliness. He was finally breaking free from his own prison and he was trying to found the answer how he got so lucky to have her by his side in such a dark time. She knew she was getting herself in so much trouble, and getting detention was the less scariest one of them. But she didn’t care. Draco was someone who deserved to be loved, and she was willing to do it. She stayed there with him, leaning her head to the wall of the Astronomy Tower, watching the pouring rain, listening how Draco’s sobs slowly calmed down and turned into soft snores. She held him all night, trying to keep the demons away from him for a few hours. From then, Draco was only scared of one thing. That he was falling in love with someone for the first time in his life - and the last time too.

[parkhabits]

The Wedding Date {M}

Park Jinyoung x Reader Genre: Fluff / Smut Warnings: Explicit mature content Word Count: 11,964 Summary: It’s your best friend’s wedding and in order to avoid all those sympathetic condolences because your ex is showing up with his pregnant girlfriend you hire an actor to be your boyfriend. Jinyoung plays his part to perfection. Everyone including your parents are charmed by him, the only problem is, you can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. 

You should be happy. Full of bliss and joy while in celebration of your best friend’s wedding festivities. However, there were three things on your mind. 

1.Your ex fiance is the best man

2. Two months from now would have been your wedding

3.You hired an actor from the classifieds online to be your date for the whole weeks worth of activities. 

Yes, an actor. Not some escort, though others would consider it the same thing. Technically you were paying him money to be your ‘boyfriend’. However, you would consider it giving him money to play a part. A few hours before attending the first lunch you planned to meet him for the first time. You sat in the cafe, already dressed. Your outfit of choice done with your ex in mind. The coffee in front of you remained untouched and cooled due to nerves. 

You weren’t like this. You didn’t know you’d be desperate enough to stoop to this. However while going through the seating arrangement and guest list a few nights ago you saw that your ex was bringing a plus one. Not just any plus one though. That sent you into a turmoil. Sure, you could show up at the wedding single but after everything you weren’t ready. You needed someone by your side. Even if it was for show. 

“Y/N?” 

With your mind wandering you easily startle. Glancing up to the voice that called your name. His headshots didn’t do justice. He was tall, broad shouldered, slim waist and toned. Naturally handsome. Not at all what you were expecting of an actor yet his appearance had it make sense. 

“Hi,” is all you can manage to say as you’re struck with awe and at the same time worry. How on earth would you be able to get away with having him as your boyfriend? In other words, talk about out of your league in other circumstances. 

He grins, “Wow, you are not at all what I was expecting,” he says as he takes a seat in front of you. 

He knew it too. Immediately you feel self conscious, straightening out your dress and blindly fiddling with your hair. 

He sees the change in your expression, “Oh no, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s a good thing for me,” he explains. “I mean, when someone hires someone to be their date you automatically expect.. y’know.” He stutters as he tries to explain, scratching the back of his head, “but you- you’re beautiful. I don’t know why you’d need someone to be your date,” he chuckles , dropping his hand and you’re taken aback by his bashfulness, “Can I start over?”

You laugh and nod.

“Hi, I’m Jinyoung,” he holds out his hand. 

“Y/N,” you smile taking his hand and shaking it. 

He leans forward along the table, “Alright director, let's hear it.” 

You raise your eyebrow, “director?”

He grins and shrugs, “You’re calling all the shots, guiding me and since I’m an actor. You know that makes you kind of like the director,” 

You nod at his point, pursing your lips. “I see,” there’s a pause between you two. “I’ve never done anything like this before so I’m not sure what I should be doing…” you say. 

Jinyoung eases back into his seat, “Let’s start with why you want to do this,” 

“Let’s see,” you ponder, “My best friend is getting married,the best man is my ex fiancé who I was supposed to marry two months from now. I’ll be walking down the aisle towards him not as I originally imagined. He’s in a new relationship and from what I hear his new girlfriend in tow is pregnant. Speaking of which I hear she’s six months pregnant which mean he was fucking her while we were together,” you don’t miss a beat, “So all in all I don’t want to be the elephant in the room that everyone pities,” you let out all in one breath and you realize how ridiculous this all really is. 

“So where do I come into play?” 

“You’ll be my boyfriend. We’ll put on an act that I’m completely head over heels for you and vice versa and that I’ve moved on,” You explain, cringing to yourself. You must come off as desperate and pathetic. Jinyoung is silent and you fear he’ll back out from how ridiculous this all is. 

“Alright so tell me about myself,” he finally breaks into a smile. 

Once again you’re confused, “Shouldn’t you be telling me about yourself?”

Jinyoung laughs, “I mean, who do you want me to be? What kind of boyfriend? If others start asking me about myself what do you want me to tell them?” 

“Oh,” you fidget in your seat, “I never really thought of that,” you feel the stress come about again. 

“What’s your type?” Jinyoung asks, 

“Uh…” you mull it over. Finally you let out a laugh, “This is going to be harder than I thought,” 

Jinyoung grinned, easing back in his chair. “I can be whoever you want me to be,” he says. 

Just hours before your big debut as a couple you two had run a quick crash course on your relationship. You two met at a coffee shop. Which was technically true. Together for a few months now. You gave a brief overview of the basics that your partner should know about you. Likes, dislikes, favourite foods, movies, even going so far in detail that he knew what your dominant hand was. In the end, you didn’t want Jinyoung to change so much about himself. Just from the conversation and encounter you deemed him to be polite, even charming. To be honest if you hadn’t hired him and if under different circumstances you might have even considered him real dating material and a potential love interest. 

That being said, you had established some ground rules that seemed to have amused Jinyoung once you brought it up to him. First and foremost no sex. You weren’t paying for someone to sleep with. However, sleeping in the same bed would be inevitable as the wedding’s activities took place out of town and lodging for the wedding party just happened to be at the groom’s parent’s estate. When you mentioned “chaste” kisses Jinyoung chuckled, the corner of his eye’s wrinkling. He was even more amused when you said “only if necessary”. Even saying that had you blushing and shy. 

“Back to sex,” you continued, “It won’t just be me you’re not having sex with but I ask that you refrain from having any sexual relations with any of the wedding guests, staff, you name it during this week. The last thing I need is to have another beau cheating on me,” You say sternly. 

Jinyoung looks at you intently, “Whether in a real relationship or a fake one. I am not a cheater,” he says. “If we’re talking ground rules then I’d like to add that this is strictly business,” you nod in agreement. “However,” Jinyoung adds, “This doesn’t mean we can’t  be friends. I think in order for this to work we need to be at ease with one another,” He had a point. What makes a relationship more authentic than friendship? 

You realized no matter the prepping, the ground rules established, the nerves would never go away. Jinyoung had volunteered to drive which you were appreciative of considering you needed some time to collect yourself. You weren’t sure if it was the curved roads or the anxiety that made you want to throw up but regardless you closed your eyes while Jinyoung, a complete stranger, drove you to the estate. 

By the time you arrive to the estate you have an endless list of how things could go awry. All of which happened to include hospitalization and natural disasters. Your stomach lurched as the windy road curved up the hill. Jinyoung let out a low whistle as the trees broke and the view of the estate came into view. You even straightened up in your seat, nose almost pressing against the glass in awe. 

You already knew Mark and his family were well off however you may have underestimated. Your best friend hadn’t mentioned how big it really was or the fact that it was basically a vineyard. It was no wonder the wedding was being held there and that they were accommodating the whole bridal party and a few others. As you pulled up your stomach lurched again and you knew it definitely wasn’t road sickness. You thought you and Jinyoung could arrive discreetly and have some more time to get yourselves settled before the initial late lunch welcome but you were wrong. 

“How good are you with meeting parents?” 

“Let’s just say I’ve heard many times over that I’m the ideal son in-law and that’s also coming from parents whose daughters I never even met,” he says cheekily. 

“Great, cause you’re about to meet mine,” you swallow nervously as you recognize the two figures unloading their car at the front. You should have remembered that you get your timely punctuality from your parents. “Oh god, we didn’t prepare for this. I thought we’d have more time. Maybe if you just keep driving past them they won’t recognize me or my car,” you panic. You hadn’t even told your parents you were bringing a date. You and Jinyoung were literally about to face the wolves. 

“Relax Y/N. It will be alright. Besides, if we can fool your parents then everyone else will be a breeze,” Jinyoung says. You started to realize that Jinyoung was logical, reassuring and his tone and the way he talked had a way of making you feel at ease. He made a point, if you couldn’t get past your parents who knew you the best. How could you get past everyone else? 

When the car comes to a halt right behind theirs you take a deep breath. Jinyoung places his hand on your knee in comfort, “We’ve got this,” 

Perhaps you shouldn’t have said “Hi,” when stepping out of the car. You two may have gone unnoticed while your mom was in the middle of nagging your dad. 

“Oh Y/N! You’ve arrived too. Isn’t this place gorgeous?” She pulls you into a tight embrace, “Your dad almost took the wrong turn because he wasn’t listening to me and on top of that he forgot to pack the small bag that I packed my hats in,” she rolls her eyes, “Oh honey, you’re not going to wear that to the lunch are you?” She says looking at your cocktail dress. 

“Ahem,” Jinyoung clears his throat as he rounds the car. 

If only you could have captured your mom’s reaction on video. It was the definition of ‘jaw drop’ and the exact reaction you would hope for. 

“Hi, Mrs. L/N. My name is Jinyoung, I’m Y/N’s boyfriend,” Jinyoung reaches to shake your shocked mother’s hand. “She told me so much about you but she didn’t tell me where she got her beauty from. Now I know,” he charms. 

Your mom giggles, acting like a school girl as she tucks her hair behind her ear. “Y/N never mentioned a boyfriend,” she glares at you. 

Jinyoung snugs his arm around your waist, pulling you against him. Your first ever skinship yet it was as if he’d done it hundreds of times to you. He is good was all you could think. You hoped you weren’t blushing. “You know y/n, always secretive. It takes a lot of convincing from me to even get her to call me her boyfriend,” Jinyoung laughs. 

Your mother nods, “Well, it's great to meet you and we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other and hear all about your love story,” your mom winks and you knew she was already swept away with Jinyoung. It hadn’t even been five minutes and he had already won her over. “Honey, come meet Y/N’s boyfriend,” she says in excitement. 

“Here let me,” Jinyoung says leaving your side. Your dad steps out of the way as Jinyoung pulls out not just one but both of your mother’s over packed luggage from the trunk. He didn’t even grimace from the weight of them of them and, unlike your dad,  had carefully set them on the sidewalk with ease. 

“Strong man. Jinyoung was it?” your dad says reaching out his hand, probably thankful he didn’t have to pull a back muscle. 

Jinyoung nods, “Yes sir,” 

Your dad puffs out his chest, straightening his posture for intimidation and taking on the protective father role, “So how long have you been seeing our Y/N?” 

“It’s been a few months now,” You answer hurriedly.  You can tell your dad was just about to ask another question so you hooked your arm around Jinyoung’s, “We’re going to go find our room. Get all fresh and resettled before lunch,” you say already pulling Jinyoung inside with you. Not even looking back as your parents gape at the two of you. 

It was a butler who escorts you two to your designated room. As soon as you’re inside you, quite literally, flop onto the bed. “Oh my god,” you drawl, “That was exhausting, how are we going to do that for a whole week,” you roll over onto your back as you stare up at the cream colored ceiling. 

You feel the bed shift. Jinyoung lays beside you, one arm propped as he rests his head against it. “It went well,” 

Finally you take in your surroundings. The room was quite big, enough to give each other space. There was even a changing screen that was probably for decoration but you’d probably put to use. Even the bed was big, you didn’t even know there was something larger than a king size. Yet despite the size Jinyoung was right next to you. If you just shifted your leg it would brush his. He was too close for comfort. You sat up, shifting over a bit to create space. 

“Tell me about your ex,” Jinyoung requests unmoving from his spot. 

“College sweethearts, thought he was the one, obviously not,” you shrug. 

“But obviously you care enough that you’d go as far as hiring me,” Jinyoung urges for more. 

“I am moved on, I think. I won’t really know until I see him.” Which got your nerves all riled up again because your encounter would be in an hour or so. “Like I said, it’s just nice to have you here so I don’t get those sympathetic  ‘How are you doing?’ You’re my backbone,” you explain. 

“You don’t seem to be the type that’s passive,” Jinyoung states. 

“I guess in a way the breakup, the whole cheating and pregnancy thing took something from me,” you shrug. You let out a laugh, “Like my self confidence for starters,” 

Jinyoung’s brows furrow. He’s about to say something until you hear a knock on your door. Immediately you look at him, eyes widening. Oh god, you weren’t ready to face your mom again. 

“Y/N!” You recognize the voice on the other side of the door and immediately feel relieved as you rush to open it. As soon as it’s open your greeted with a squeal and pulled into a tight embrace. 

“It’s happening! I’m getting married, I can’t believe it’s actually happening. You look so good. Where’s your new beau?” She wiggles her eyebrows. Then her attention turns to Jinyoung who's just now starting to sit up on the bed. “Oh, am I interrupting something?” She looks at you and winks. You see Jinyoung blush, clearing his throat. 

“Oh shut up,” you roll your eyes. 

Your best friend shrugs, “I don’t know what’s…” she pauses, “included in your contract,” She knew everything, in fact, Jinyoung was all her idea. Even so, there was no way you’d be able to hide it from her. You knew her though, she wouldn’t tell a soul not even her new husband. 

“Hi,” she finally introduces, “thanks so much for coming to the wedding,”

“My pleasure,” Jinyoung smiles, “Congratulations,”

“Okay! I’m off! I’ll see you two downstairs. Can’t wait to see the look on your ex's face when you walk in together,” she pulls you into another embrace as she whispers in your ear, “That smile alone is enough to get your panties wet,” 

“See you later!” You push her out the door, feeling the warmth rise to your cheeks. Once she’s out you turn to face Jinyoung. He smiles and the color continues to flush your cheeks. She’s right. 

“You can go ahead and freshen up first,” you offer. 

“Are you sure?” Jinyoung asks already reaching for the buttons of his dress shirt. His first button comes undone.

“Yes, go for it,” your voice squeaks. “I’ll probably take longer than you anyways,” You say as a second button came undone. You’d probably need a long cold shower feeling like a hormonal teenager. When Jinyoung heads into the bathroom and you hear the water turn on you collapse back onto the bed. It was going to be a long week. 

You don’t know why they call it a late lunch when it’s basically cutting into dinner time. You managed to do a quick fix of your hair, also tried not to drool when Jinyoung emerged from the bathroom all dressed up. It was simple. You’ve seen dozens of men, including your ex wear a simple dress shirt and khakis but Jinyoung looked like he just emerged from a catalogue of Hugo boss. 

The closer you get to the outdoor terrace and the muffled sounds of voices and piano playing the nerves resurface. As if knowing Jinyoung grabs your hand, holding it tightly. 

“You’ve got this Y/N. You’ve got me to lean on,” he encourages. 

You nod, finding comfort in the warmth of his hand as it holds yours. You recognize a few of your friend’s relatives. Growing up together you had gotten to know them quite well. Just as expected the view from the terrace were beautiful vineyards, mixed with a garden courtyard that included a sculpted fountain. You walk in hand and hand with Jinyoung, as directors would normally say, action. 

“Y/N!” You hear your mother's voice immediately as if she’s been waiting for you to make an entrance. “Oh, you didn’t change,” she tsks as she approaches you.  

“That would be my fault,” Jinyoung speaks immediately, “I convinced her not to change. The color suits her and I think she’s beautiful,” Jinyoung snugs his arm around you just as he had before. 

With Jinyoung’s statement you can physically see your mother’s thoughts change, “Oh yes I suppose you’re right. It is very flattering on her,”  she gleams. 

“And I have to say Mrs. L/N you’re looking quite radiant yourself,” He compliments. 

Your mother blushes, “Come you two, you have to say hi to Mrs. Lim,” You tried to protest but your mother was already hooked to Jinyoung’s arm and dragging him across the terrace. 

Just like your mom, Mrs. Lim is swept away by Jinyoung’s charms. Soon enough, more ladies are surrounding the two of you. There’s swooning and a handful of giggling and lots of playful touching. You’re almost beaming with pride, basking in the glory that you had the hottest date. When Jinyoung was finally introduced to your best friend’s father, the two had gotten along and easily slid into conversation as if they had known each other for a while. It was easy to say Jinyoung blended in well. 

“Oh god,” you say when you notice a certain someone making a beeline towards you. 

Jinyoung turns his attention to you, “Is it your ex?” 

“Worse,” you groan. 

You’re greeted with boobs and a high pitched giggle as your name leaves her lips, “Y/N how lovely to see you!” Her words dripped with fakeness. 

“Wow, Janine,” was all you could say as you kept your arms by your side trying your best to sound as enthusiastic as she was. 

“I know, they just got done,” she proudly shimmies to flaunt her chest,looking at the corner of her eye to who stood beside you. 

Some describe this type of relationship as “frenemy”. Friendly towards each other yet in a superficial, don’t really like one another type of way. Always remaining civil despite the shade thrown at one another. Janine in latent terms was interesting. Loves thinking she’s the center of attention and someone that thinks she attracts all the men. You knew it was bound for her to come running to Jinyoung. 

“I heard your date is the life of the party, auntie keeps going on and on about him so I just had to come see for myself,” Oh yeah, and she’s your best friend’s cousin. As if on cue she hooks her arm around Jinyoung’s pulling him towards her. “I can see what all the talk is about. I’m Janine,” she introduces. 

You tug him back towards you and realize that you may end up in a tug of war against her. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N’s boyfriend Jinyoung,” he says as he squirms out of her hold and, in the most satisfying way, snugs his arm around your waist in unity. You feel smug as you see her little pout. “Can I get you something to drink babe?” Jinyoung asks.

Babe. You never discussed pet names, in fact, your ex rarely called you anything. It was something you weren’t used to but coming from Jinyoung it was something you could get used too. You had to remind yourself it was all for show. You smile and nod. Then he does something you for sure didn’t expect. It was a sweet and innocent gesture. A kiss on your temple before he leaves but you weren’t used to this kind of affection. Especially in front of others. It was so casual, so simple, yet it left you giddy. 

Janine’s jaw drops slightly, she doesn’t miss a beat as soon as he’s out of hearing distance. “Where did you meet him?” Emphasizing the ‘you’part of the conversation because obviously Jinyoung was someone out of your league. 

“We met at a coffee shop,” you say as nonchalant as you can, once again, partly true. 

“Looks like I’m frequenting the wrong places,” she mutters as she watches Jinyoung at the bar, gnawing at her bottom lip. 

“Y/N,” your best friend calls your name and saves you. When she comes running over, it wasn’t to save you but to warn you. She pulls you away to the corner of the terrace. “Your ex is here and baby momma in tow. Look at her she’s huge!” 

You feel a slight sense of panic. You haven’t seen your ex since the breakup, didn’t even know what the woman he was with now looked like. Your attention is turned towards the entrance where you see your ex. No butterfly feelings, no rush of emotions. He looked tired, bags under his eyes, hair was disheveled. You didn’t know if you should feel relieved that he looked far worse than when you two were together or if you should feel sympathy. His ‘baby momma’ was huge, belly wise. Yet you were expecting some radiant glow but was faced with a frown. Other’s had also turned their attention to the new couple that just walked into the room. You saw your mom’s scowl and no doubt she was whispering to Mrs. Lim the same things you observed. You were pleased with yourself, no outlying feelings. Not even anger. 

“You okay?” You best friend asks.

You nod, “Surprisingly yes,” 

“In any case, I’m glad Jinyoung is here with you,” she says. 

You glance over at Jinyoung who stands by the bar talking with Mark. He holds two glasses in his hand. He catches your gaze, an easy smile over his face as he winks at you before turning  back with Mark. A part of you, a big part, wished this was real. 

As you had assumed, lunch had moved into dinner, dinner faded into the late night. By the time you get back to your room you were slightly buzzed from all the wedding themed cocktails. Satisfied, you kick of your heels. Falling back onto the bed with your arms spread. 

“That went better than expected. We might actually pull this off,” You glance over at Jinyoung whose removing his watch, now starting to undo the cuff links of his dress shirt.  You roll onto your elbow as you watch him. “Seems like you and Mark hit it off,” 

Jinyoung smiled, “He’s pretty cool. He suggested that after he gets back from his honeymoon we all take a trip to the mountains,” 

The way he said it made it seem like it was plausible. Like real lovers discussing future plans. It only made your stomach knot and feel guilty Mark didn’t know he wasn’t going to get his vacay with Jinyoung. 

Days had passed and in that time you and Jinyoung had easily fallen into a friendship. The first initial bouts of awkwardness between you two gone. You had to give him most of the credit for that. He was kind, thoughtful, made you feel at ease. He even had your mother wrapped around his finger. Your own father couldn’t calm her from her incessant rants the way Jinyoung could in seconds. It seemed as though everyone was charmed and captivated by him. The days were busy, lawn activities, nature walks,  the whole lot, each day followed by cocktail hours and tipsy evenings. Most nights you and Jinyoung would stumble back to the room giggling and teasing one another. All except for one night where your best friend and you left dinner early and had a sleepover in your room. That morning you were surprised to wake up to her instead of Jinyoung. Then during brunch burst out laughing when you found out him and Mark ended up doing the same thing. There were no boundaries even the pillow barricade between you two had come down. 

You laid in bed wide awake. The quiet of the night and darkness over the room. Jinyoung sleeping peacefully beside you. Your comforted by his presence, knowing he’s there. You reflected on your days with him. How Mark and Jinyoung instantly became friends, your parents with Jinyoung only after the first meeting. Hopefully they didn’t get too attached being that this would all come to an end. When Jinyoung turned in his sleep his arm fell across your waist. Don’t get attached, you reminded yourself. Yet as you drifted off to sleep you curled into the warmth of his body. 

“Ow,” 

You’re woken by the sound of a man’s voice. In the state of confusion and morning grogginess you’re startled by your surroundings and the ‘stranger’ who lay beside you. Then you remember, you’re in bed with someone you paid to be your pretend  boyfriend, you’re in an estate and you’re currently in his arms and feeling that your elbow was kind of jabbed into his abdomen that’s probably why Jinyoung woke. 

“Sorry,” You shift. You’re still pressed against his body, his arm still around your waist. 

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. 

The sound of his morning voice had to be one of the most attractive things you’ve heard. It’s quiet for a moment and you wonder if he’s fallen back asleep. You lay as still as possible in case he had. Countless worries in your head. Did you look okay? Did you snore in your sleep? You cringed at the thought of possible morning breath. 

“What’s the plan for today?” He asks groggily, his arm still around you. 

“All I know is that there’s dinner in the East Wing tonight,” you laugh at how ridiculous and posh it all sounds. 

“Hmm,”Jinyoung responds and you wonder if he’s falling asleep again. He shifts, not farther from you but closer. He’s practically spooning you, his face nuzzled in your hair. This wasn’t the only time you two had woken up snuggled against each other. Nor was it the only time you two hadn’t pulled away from each other. Your ex and you couldn’t handle cuddling each other. In the morning you’d wake with a gap between yourselves and back towards each other. You never believed that people could actually fall asleep, let alone be comfortable like that. Now you believed that cuddling could actually be comfy. The way you simply melded into Jinyoung’s body gave you hope for cuddling. In fact most mornings when you two woke like this you didn’t want to leave. 

“You’re beautiful in the morning too,” Jinyoung murmurs sweetly, catching you off guard. 

You blush, he was just being nice. He always says sweet things to you. It was hard to believe that there were actually guys out in the world like this. Were these lines he said before? You understood him saying these things to you in front of others, but he even continued to say things like this when it’s just the two of you. “Do you take tips for flattery?” You joke, trying your best to hold back and not fall for his charm. 

If only you could take back what you said, wondering if you had insulted him as he lets out a deep sigh and pulls away from you. Rolling onto his back. You shift too, now both of you are staring at the ceiling though you wish you were back to the sweet moment just before. You cursed yourself for ruining the moment even though it was supposed to mean nothing. Strictly business, this was what he was here for. 

“I finally met your ex,” Jinyoung speaks, “Figured it was him considering he was the only one with a pregnant significant other,” he looks at you, “Are you okay?” 

“I am. More than I thought I would be. It’s just hard to move past it all with everyone asking me ‘if I’m alright’ or ‘warning me whenever he comes into a room’, telling me ‘I deserve better’,” you shrug. 

“You do deserve better,” Jinyoung says quietly. 

There it was again, his sweet words.. Making you feel special, reassured. But with his words came confusion. He barely knew you, sorta. You two did have a run down on all your interests but hardly enough to say he knew you best out of everyone. You look at him and he’s still staring. Your pulse quickens. How was it that Jinyoung was able to make you feel so many things in such a short time? With your ex it had been slow. A low simmer throughout your relationship. With the way Jinyoung looked at you, touched you, everything boiled. Heated down to your core and you weren’t sure how to handle it without breaking your own rules, without crossing boundaries. 

“Y/N, I -“ The knock on the door interrupts Jinyoung. 

“Who is it?” You call out. 

“It’s me!” Your best friend answers. “Come on Y/N get dressed we’ve got wedding stuff to do!” 

This was the second time your best friend interrupted you two. The timing uncanny. You wonder if you would ever find out what Jinyoung wanted to say both times. If it was important than for sure he’d tell you but considering he didn’t say anything else you pushed it aside. 

At the wedding parlour you sat with champagne in your hands surrounded by a tearful mother and giddy bridesmaids and an annoying Janine. Your thoughts distracted. Jinyoung was with Mark and the other groomsmen and guys having a ‘manly’ day. He was by himself with your friends, your father, your ex. In fact it was your first day apart from each other all week.  You only hoped everything was going okay. That your dad wasn’t hounding him with too many questions. What if your ex talked to him again? Would he ask intimate questions to compare egos? The anxiousness had you sipping your champagne avidly. 

“Thirsty Y/N?” Janine’s voice cuts your thoughts. 

“Just tastes good,” you shrug nonchalantly. 

“Y’know I’ve been thinking about Jinyoung,” she says.

You glare at her, “Kind of strange thinking of someone else’s boyfriend don’t you think Janine?” 

“I just feel like I’ve seen or met him before,” her high pitched voice and the way she says it makes you know she knows something. What it was you weren’t sure. Maybe she saw him in one of those small toothpaste commercials Jinyoung had mentioned before. Your stomach turned at the thought of her actually skimming the classifieds. 

“Hmm strange,” you try and play it off. When you go to take another sip you find your champagne flute empty. “I’m gonna get a refill,” you say using that as a perfect excuse to dodge more of her questions. 

By the time your friend comes out your buzzed. Heck, that whole bottle of champagne might as well have been just for you. You were drowning a mix of nerves and Janine hounding you with a bottle of bubbly. 

“You’re so beautiful,” you tear up as you embrace your best friend.

“I was so nervous that this final fitting wouldn’t go so well. All night I couldn’t sleep because I was worried I gained weight or that they would cut the hem too short,” she says giddy as she looks in the mirror. “Now all I have to worry about is making sure Mark is at the altar the day of,” her eyes well up.

“Oh trust me, Mark is so going to be there and you’re going to take his breath away,” you reassure. 

Your best friend grins, “Let’s celebrate with more champagne!” She signals one of the ladies.

“Don’t mind if I do,” you hiccup, basking in your best friend’s happiness with her.

 He’s the first thing you see when you and the girls arrive back at the estate. The guys all coming up from the terrace, laughing. Mark has his arm slung over Jinyoung’s shoulder. Was it the alcohol that made your stomach flip or was it seeing Jinyoung? You were sloshed. Your gait unsteady, face flushed. 

Mark’s the first one to notice, “The girls are back,” he says immediately walking to your best friend and kissing her. Jinyoung’s gaze immediately sets on you and you feel your pulse flutter. 

You hear Janine’s voice from behind you and being on edge you decide to put on a show. Waving enthusiastically to Jinyoung you all but skip over to him. Your caught in his arms as he’s taken aback, bracing the two of you as you almost trip. 

“Hi boyfriend,” You hiccup wrapping your arms around his neck. 

Jinyoung grins, “Are you drunk?” He asks brushing the tousled strands of hair in your face. 

“More like an alcoholic,” Janine mutters as she walks by, “She drank the whole bottle to herself. Classy,” 

You stick out your tongue at her before directing your attention back to Jinyoung. “Did you miss me?” You hiccup. 

“Gross,” Janine rolls her eyes as she stalks off. You could almost see the green monster of jealousy on her back. 

Jinyoung kisses your forehead, “Of course,” 

By the time he says that Janine and everyone else are already out of earshot. No one else was around to hear him but you figured he was keeping it for show.

Your arm is still wrapped around him. “So how’d the day go?”

“It was fun. I even beat your ex in arm wrestling,” Jinyoung grins. 

Your jaw drops, “You did?” You didn’t say it out of disbelief that he beat him because you had no doubt Jinyoung could. It was more of the fact that he was in that situation to begin with. 

“Your dad convinced us. Kept going on and on about pride and worthiness and obviously I had to defend my girl’s honour,” Jinyoung teases, “Later, your dad gave me the sex talk,” 

You groan resting your forehead against Jinyoung’s shoulder. “I’m so embarrassed,” 

Jinyoung tightens his hold around you, giving a little squeeze for reassurance. “I like your dad and all your friends,”

“I’ll pay you more for having to deal with that,” You look up at him grinning. 

Jinyoung frowns, his hold loosening. “There’s no need. Like I said I had fun with them,” his tone short. There it was again. Whenever you remind yourselves this was a transaction he’d always pull away. Literally. All of it was too confusing. 

You brush his tone aside trying not to read into it. “So do you think you could beat me in an arm wrestle?” You say trying  to keep the mood light. 

There’s a brief pause before Jinyoung relaxes the smile returning to his face again. “It’d be a close call for sure,” he squeezes your arm. You relax in his arms feeling the buzz cloud your head. “Looks like you could use a nap before dinner,” he says. 

You nod in agreement. Already feeling Jinyoung wrap his arm around your waist for support. You lean into his arms as the two of you walk together back to your room. “So what else did you guys do?” You ask. 

“Played tennis,” 

“You play tennis? Is there something you can’t  do?” 

Jinyoung shrugs, “I was doing good until Mark’s old college friend showed up,” when you arrive in your room Jinyoung locks the door. He places his warm hands on your shoulders and gently turns you around. “How about a bath?” His voice is low, soft‍. Your heart quickens, your bodies so close that one centimeter back and you’d be leaning against him. It’s tempting to just lean, to feel your body pressed against his. 

“Together?” You stutter. 

You hear him chuckle. “Tempting,” his hand trails down your arms. “I was suggesting I draw you a bath so you can relax and sober up,” 

“Oh, okay well I’m just going to go drown now,” you pull away from him embarrassed. 

Jinyoung grabs your hand and pulls you back to him as he chuckles. “Are we going to break one of our ground rules?” 

Your face flushes, “No I..” you stutter. 

“As much as I would love to,” he rests his forehead against yours, “I don’t take advantage of drunk women,” he lays a chaste kiss on your forehead. Before you could even say or question anything he’s pushing you towards the bathroom. “Make sure you lock the door,” he grins when you gape at him. “I don’t trust myself,” he winks as he shuts the door. 

You do as you’re told. Locking the door in front of you as you take a deep breath to collect yourself. Was this all fake? Was it all part of his role? You soaked in the tub as your head filled with thoughts and your body coiled with lust. He was right, the bath was sobering you up but it didn’t help clear your confusion. You could admit that you were attracted to him. Everything about him drew you in. Seeing him with your friends and family made you like him even more. He sparked something in you, something that you may have not even experienced yourself. Have you ever wanted like this? No matter how many times you reminded yourself that this wasn’t real, your feelings were. You liked him. Liked being with him. Liked the way he made you feel and how in such a short amount of time he was already bringing back your confidence, mending the little pieces of yourself that your ex broke. He plays tennis, beats your ex in arm wrestles and somehow manages to get along with your dad. He knows how to diffuse your mom and hang with the guys and charm the ladies yet still make you feel like you’re the only one in his sights. He knows exactly what to say to you to calm your nerves and say sweet words without you having to pry it out of him. It was all too fast. Not once did you expect this to happen when you first decided to do this. As bad as it sounds he was just supposed to be your arm candy. Just something for you to flaunt and show off to let everybody know you’re fine and to back off. He was much more than that now. Your parents loved him, your friends loved him and you loved -

“Oh god,” you groan at the realization. Sinking lower into the water as you rub both hands over your face as if trying to wash away what you just realized. 

There’s a knock on the door followed by the sound of his voice. “Y/N?” 

You sit straight up, grabbing the sides of the porcelain tub. Water splashed everywhere, spilling over the tub. There’s another knock, this time a little more urgent. 

“Y/N?” His voice more panicked.

You hop out of the tub, grabbing the nearest towel as you unlock the door quickly opening it. Your faced with Jinyoung’s surprised face. “What is it?” 

“It’s quarter to six and you were taking a long time…” his words trail off as he eyes follow the water droplets down your collarbone “I just hoped you didn’t drown or pass out or something,” he swallows. 

You tighten the towel around your chest gripping it tight because a big part of you just wanted it to fall and see where it went from there. “Sorry did you say it’s almost six?” You couldn’t believe you had been in the tub for that long. 

Jinyoung raises his hand. His index finger swiping a droplet of water just above where you gripped the towel. “Mhm,” he answers distracted. 

Your heart sped, mouth going dry and your fingers cramped from how hard you gripped the towel. “Jinyoung?” 

His eyes meet yours and you notice a change in his eyes. Dark, heated. For a split second you’re ready to let go of all your rules. “Can you pass me my dress hanging in the closet,” you swallow dryly. 

He pauses for a second and you wonder, even hope, that he’d forget everything as well and just take you. His hand drops and you breathe. Partly relieved, the other disappointment. Of course he wouldn’t. He was a gentlemen, poised and he also established right from the get go that this was strictly business, friends only. He doesn’t say anything as he walks to the closet. 

“Thanks,” You murmur as you take it from his hand. Then you shut the bathroom door, locking it once again. 

When you emerge from the bathroom Jinyoung is changed also. If you weren’t already wound up from earlier then surely you were now. You felt a little pathetic. Too hormonal. Even when you changed all you could think of was sex. How long had it been? Not even that, when was the last time you actually orgasmed? Was it wrong for you to assume that Jinyoung would be good at it like he was everything else? 

“Shall we?” Jinyoung’s voice interrupts your thirty second fantasy of you ripping his dress shirt open. 

“Yup,” your voice cracks and Jinyoung cocks his brow. 

“Are you feeling okay?” He asks. 

You nod frantically, “Just hungry,” you lie as you walk towards the door. 

As soon as you open it your faced with Janine. Perfect timing you curse to yourself. She eyes you, her face grimacing. Yet she tried to mask it in front of Jinyoung. 

“Little late for dinner aren’t you?” She jabs. 

You hook your arm around Jinyoung’s. “We got a little… caught up,” you implied. From the corner of your eye you see Jinyoung’s lips quirk. 

Janine rolls her eyes, “Gross,” she mutters under her breath as she walks away. 

You wait for her to go ahead. Once she’s out of sight you sigh in relief, unhooking your arms from his. You don’t dare look at him due to embarrassment. 

“So what exactly were we caught up with?” Jinyoung chides. 

“Getting ready,” You shrug stills avoiding eye contact. “Let’s go?” You start walking but Jinyoung grabs your hand tugging you back towards him. 

“Did I mention you look beautiful?” His voice is low. 

“No but thank you,” you play it off, hoping Jinyoung didn’t feel the thrill of your pulse. 

“Well you’re beautiful, you’re amazing and I need to kiss you.” 

You glance around the hall, no one in sight. You give him a puzzled look, “You don’t have to there’s no one around and Janine’s gone - “ 

“I know. I mean I need to for myself,” he pulls you to him. “Not for anyone else,” he murmurs. He looks into your eyes, his other hand moving to your cheek. You close your eyes at his touch and he kisses you. 

Just like that. No preamble, no one to show off to, just you two. You realized that if this was what need feels like then truly you’ve never felt it before. Every bit of you that could was heating, when his tongue grazed yours you felt everything ignite. 

How did thirty seconds of contact make you feel like you need to jump on him and rip his clothes off? You wanted, needed, desperately and yearned for more even as he began to pull away. 

“You deserve better than your ex,” he murmurs against your lips. 

“I know,” your voice is squeaky, “I know,” you sigh as you catch your breath. 

He takes a step back, still holding your hand. “I guess we better head down before people send up a search party,”  

Luckily dinner hadn’t started but to say you and Jinyoung could just easily slip in without going unnoticed was wrong. As soon as you entered the room your dad swarmed in on him. His arm slung around his shoulder as he pulled Jinyoung towards the bar. Murmuring something about a brand of whiskey that “he would love”. Jinyoung grins over his shoulder at you. 

You could use a drink as well. After what happened upstairs, the kiss, you were feeling all hot and bothered. Thirsty. 

“Y/N, can we talk?” 

Your thoughts are interrupted by a voice you recognize and tried to avoid this whole week. 

Your ex. The person you least wanted to have a conversation with right now. You'd rather deal with Janine than him. 

“Oh hi,” is all you say. Wrapping your arms around yourself. Now that you were up close you noticed he was in fact, changed. Your feelings for him also changed. There wasn’t even resentment. 

“I’ve been wanting to come and talk to you since we’ve arrived but it’s been impossible, that man won’t leave you alone,” he scowls. 

“Well Jinyoung’s very attentive and he is my boyfriend,” You point out. 

“I noticed.” He scuffs his shoes along the floor. “You look happy,” 

And you look like hell is what you wanted to say but bit your tongue. “I am,” 

Your ex stands there all awkward and you realize that you’re completely over him. He didn’t even mean anything anymore. Even in your relationship he made you feel awkward and not sure of yourself. In latent terms taking away your sexiness. 

Being with Jinyoung made you feel good. You’ve rediscovered yourself. Found what you wanted in a guy. 

“We had something Y/N. Something good,” your ex says. He’s looking at you as though this conversation really matters. 

“Well…” you pause and try to work out what to say, “If we did then maybe you wouldn’t have cheated,” 

“I messed it up. I’m sorry Y/N. I’ve been so stupid,” his face is twisted like he may start crying and you’re struck by a sudden lightening bolt of realization. If it had been two months ago you may have thrown yourself into his arms. Two weeks ago you could have tried to strangle him for his adultery. Now you couldn’t be bothered with anything except pity. He looked like he hasn’t slept in a month, you could only imagine what it’d be like when the baby comes along. When you don’t say anything your ex continues, “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you Y/N,”

Past your ex’s shoulder you see him. Jinyoung. He’s been watching you two from the bar. Close enough that in a moments signal he could be at your side as your knight in shining armor  and save you. Yet you didn’t need him. He winks at you and you realize that he really is there for you but knows you can handle it. 

Then you realize. If a man, any man, can make you feel that special at a distance, even under this pretense, then your ex has never even been close to being ‘the one’ for you. Now you seem to be lacking any empathy towards him. The only thing you felt was thankful that you didn’t end up marrying him.  

“We’re not getting back together,” you firmly state. 

“Whose not getting back together,” Jinyoung slides to a halt beside you, his arm snuggling around your waist. 

You nod towards your ex, “You should have realized everything a long time ago,” you pause to take a breath, another lightening bolt of energy and realization. “You can’t love me now and you couldn’t have loved me back then or you would have never fucked another woman,” Jinyoung squeezes your hip in encouragement. “Anyways, I’m with Jinyoung now,” you look up and gleam at him. 

He smiles back, “And on that note I think it’s time we start having a fun time,” he inclines his head towards the small empty dance floor. 

“Y/N, doesn’t dance,” your ex states clinging to his last hope that there was still something between you two. Acting as if he still knows you. 

“Not with you she doesn’t,” a voice interrupts from behind him. 

“Jackson!” You squeal pushing past your ex as you embrace your long time friend. 

“There’s my girl. I’ve been looking for you,” he spins you around. 

Your ex moves out of the way of your flying feet, “Take it from someone who's been where you’re standing right now. I’d worry about him,” your ex murmurs, patting Jinyoung on the shoulder. 

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Jinyoung mutters as your ex walks off with his shoulders slumped. 

“When did you get here!” You ask as soon as your set down. 

“This afternoon just in time for tennis ” Jackson grins keeping his arm slung over your shoulder.  

You should have made the connection earlier when Jinyoung said that Mark’s college friend arrived, which reminded you. 

“Jackson this is Jinyoung my boyfriend,” you try and pry yourself out of Jackson’s hold but instead he only tightens his arm around you shoulder, almost into a headlock. 

“We met briefly during tennis,” Jackson says. 

“I’d like a rematch. Was kind of winded after all the previous matches before you,” Jinyoung smiles yet you notice there isn’t any warmth behind it. 

“Sure, I’ll take you on anytime,” Jackson replies. 

There’s a brief pause between all of you. You wouldn’t call it tension, more like testosterone in the air. You slip out of Jackson’s hold immediately moving to Jinyoung’s side linking your arm through his. “Looks like dinner is just about ready,” You say in the nick of time as you see people making their way to their seats.

Jinyoung moved his arm to slide around your waist as he pulled you close. Almost possessively. You were to preoccupied with the seating arrangement that you missed the very quick and very clear look Jinyoung gave Jackson. They may have competed against each other in tennis and Jinyoung may have lost, but he was not going to compete and lose you. 

Your reunion with Jackson didn’t end. He sat beside you during dinner. The two of you reminiscing on old times, and discussing new things in life, mocking Janine as she asked for numerous substitutes that she may as well have just drank water. 

“Shh,” you laughed, nudging Jackson as he whispered in your ear about Janine’s ‘lopped sided’ boob job. 

“Excuse me,” Jinyoung says as he gets up. 

You grab him by the hand, “You okay?”

Jinyoung leans down and kisses your temple, “Getting a drink,” he smiles before walking off. 

Jackson leans over, “He hates me,” 

You shake your head keeping your gaze on Jinyoung as he moves between tables. “Maybe cause you beat him in tennis,” 

“Or maybe because I’ve been occupying his girl all night,” Jackson prods. 

“He’s not like that,” you fiddle. Besides, it wasn’t real. Why would he feel like that?

Jackson stares at you blankly as if you were missing the biggest flashing lights in front of you. “With the way he looks at you and the way he looks at me like he wants to take me outside and gut me. I’d say he’s crazy about you,”

You glanced towards the bar and saw that Jinyoung was watching you steadily. You balled the napkin in your lap. Your thoughts flashing back to your kiss in the hallway. He had been the one to initiate it. Nothing about that kiss reflected ‘chaste’ like in your agreement. Your thoughts following were definitely far from innocent. 

“Dance?” 

“Hmm?” you turn to Jackson then you notice the music playing in the background. “Sure,” you grin. You take his hand, getting up from the seat as you follow him to the floor. 

Jinyoung stood there at the bar, battling back jealousy that he’s never felt before as he watched you with Jackson. Your ex’s words getting to him and crawling under his skin. Your dress clung, flowed with your movements and Jackson’s hand moved further down your back side.  He knew what it was like to hold you like that, to feel your body against his. To hold you close. He wasn’t like this. Wasn’t supposed to be like this. He didn’t care about what's real or not, he wasn’t the type to let another man whisk his woman away. He cursed as he strode out to the dance floor.

“Looks like I’ll see you later,” Jackson smiles triumphantly at you, kissing you on the cheek as he feels Jinyoung  tap on his shoulder. When he walked away he figured you had a keeper. Your ex always stood by idly with you and him and he deemed him unworthy since he couldn’t hold his own. Jinyoung was just as worthy of an opponent outside of the tennis court. Jackson only wondered how you could be so blind to not see that your boyfriend was crazy, head over heels for you. 

Jinyoung picked up rhythm perfectly, matching his steps to yours and to the music. You relaxed, closing the little distance between yourselves, resting your cheek against his shoulder. Enjoying the moment with him though you wondered if it was for show. You hated how you couldn’t tell what was real and what was fake. The kiss earlier was that real? The way he looked at you, did he look at other women like that? At this moment, all you wanted to do was enjoy the time you had with him. 

“You and Jackson are pretty close,” Jinyoung murmurs as you both sway. 

“We’ve been friends for a while,” somehow you feel the need to explain it to him. 

“Does he also know about our arrangement?” 

“No,” you answer. 

“Good.” 

He doesn’t say anything else, only continues to hold you close while the music played. Others had started to file onto the dance floor. Mark had pulled your best friend away from the dessert table and pulled her close. 

“If you and Jackson are so close, why didn’t you ask him to be your date to the wedding?” 

Something in Jinyoung’s tone had you draw back and look up to see his face. “It would be weird. No one would believe that we were together,” 

“Why would you two have to pretend? It could very much be real,” You were tempted to laugh, but the look in Jinyoung’s eyes had you hold back. “I don’t know what you mean,” 

“I believe you do.” 

“If I’m catching on correctly then I think you’re crazy. He’s just a friend,” You defend.

“I may be your fake boyfriend but I’m not an idiot,” even as the words came out he realized the unfairness behind them, maybe he was an idiot.  

His words sting, catching you off guard. Your stomach knotting at the sudden confrontation. You quickly look around hoping no one was in earshot. 

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you but maybe we shouldn’t discuss it here,” you stiffened. 

“You’re right,” and with that Jinyoung grabs your wrist and pulls you from the dance floor. Jackson who’s now at the bar smiles to himself as he takes a pull from his beer. 

“Jinyoung!” You call out his name as you try your best to keep up with his pace. Getting over the first initial shock. You had passed by your parents, your mother murmuring delightfully ‘lovers quarrel’ as Jinyoung drags you through the room. Even as you passed your best friend she winked at you. 

“What’s going on?” You say as you finally enter the room and are behind closed doors. 

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung runs a hand through his hair as he paces the room. He lets out a sigh, loosening the buttons of his dress shirt, then rolling up his sleeves feeling claustrophobic. He was being irrational and he knew it, yet unable to control it. 

“Well you almost blew this whole thing up.” 

“I know,” Jinyoung sighs as his pacing comes to a halt. “I know,” he repeats. 

“You were being ridiculous. Jackson is nothing more than a close friend,” you state firmly starting to get riled up. You could only imagine what would’ve happened if someone heard.  “And even so it shouldn’t matter,” 

“And why’s that?” 

“Because this is fake,” you try and laugh but you hesitate,“Right?” 

“You’re an idiot,” 

Your eyes widen with shock, lips parting in surprise as a mixture of fury and hurt build. 

Jinyoung steps towards you, placing his hands on your arms. “I’m in love with you. I’m not acting, my feelings for you are real. I don’t want your money, I want you. I want to stop pretending and damn it, I want to take you on a date when this is all over so you could be my real girlfriend,” 

“What?” Is all you could say as you try and register everything. You place your hands on his chest, trying to push him away so you could think yet he doesn’t budge. 

“You’re amazing, beautiful, funny and even though I got that crash course I want to take my time to get to know you,” Jinyoung continues, then he pulls away just far enough to look down at you. “Unless this is completely one sided then never mind I do want the money,” 

You laugh, shaking your head as you bring your arms to wrap around his neck. “You don’t know how much I wanted this to be real,” 

He kisses your forehead before you see his smile of relief. “So are we still doing chaste kisses?” he teases. 

“Only in front of my parents,” you grin, initiating the kiss first. 

It may have started off chaste but soon he pulled you close against him. His hands moving to lower back as he draws your body to him. You give, yielding against him. Jinyoung’s mouth is pliant against yours, enticing as his name rolled off your lips in a quiet, satisfied sigh. There it was again, the heat, the roaring boil that ignited with his movements. You had never kissed like this, never been kissed like this, everything that had built throughout the week spilling over the edges in complete and gratifying pleasure. Your fingers twine in his hair as your movements deepened.  Nothing is innocent about this and everything down to Jinyoung’s hand tugging at the hem of your dress and guiding you towards the bed broke your ‘ground rules’.  Soon your back is lain against the soft mattress, Jinyoung’s body hovering over yours. It had been so long that even the way his knee moves between your legs has you ready to go over the edge. His hands are tender, caressing, seducing as the hem of your dress rides higher up your thigh. His hands aren’t the only thing exploring, his lips are now at your jugular. Even more lethal than his hands as he stokes the lust that continues to build. With his hands on your hips he coaxes you to move, as if knowing what you wanted. You begin to grind against his thigh, thankful for the choice of undergarments. Silently thanking yourself for wearing your sexy underwear, not to mention your thinnest. Slowly you grind against the taut muscle of his clothed thigh. 

Jinyoung  pulls away for barely a moment just enough for you to see his smile before he dives back. Tongue meeting yours eagerly. “J-Jinyoung,” you breathe when his mouth moves to explore your neck once again. It wasn’t enough, every kiss made you want him more. Desire soaked you, the need to be ravaged filled you yet you feel empty. 

 His hand slides lower, between your legs as it brushes over lace. You suck in a breath at the contact, so delicate yet the feeling hits you hard. You arched against the sensation, urging for more. Jinyoung obliges, sliding your panties aside. He teases, fingers gliding up your slit. You were wet, the sound of it mixed with your heavy breathing filled the room. You groan out loud when Jinyoung begins making perfect circles around your swollen clit. Your dress is hiked up to your waist, the barrier of lace the only thing preventing you from being completely exposed. 

“God, are you always like this?” Jinyoung murmurs as his fingers slide to either side of your clit, watching at how reactive you are at his ministrations. 

“It’s been so long and you do it so well,”  you exhale, hands digging into your sheets. “Don’t stop Jinyoung,” you moan when his fingers enter you, his thumb rubbing against your clit.

“Believe me, I’m not going to,” Jinyoung says as he lowers his lips to yours again.  You moan as his fingers continue to pump and twist within you. Already you’re nearing delirium, the thrust of his hand is meticulous. His movements purposeful, especially as he rubs his arousal-coated fingertips around your sensitive bundle of nerves before plunging into you again. Your eyes are shut tight, flashing white and sparks of colored pleasure appearing. Your moans are ardent, your skin damp. When he pulls his hands away you almost groan out of frustration. So close to toppling over the edge and now you clench around nothing.  “Relax,” Jinyoung grins as if reading your mind. You see his smirk, “I just want a taste,” 

You’re still trying to gather your bearings as Jinyoung pulls back, kneeling and moving down. Your legs are still spread as Jinyoung hooks his hands into the waistband of your panties and pulls them down. Tossing them somewhere in the room. His mouth hovers over your sex and you wait in anticipation. Immediately you buckle, arching up and hands fisting in his hair the minute his tongue grazes your sensitive clit. When his lips close over your sex, his name leaves your lips in a rasp. His tongue and lips intermixing that builds you towards impending climax. His arms are hooked around your thighs, there was no escape, no matter how sensitive you were becoming. He’s merciless, relinquishing with the work of his mouth on your core. Every now and then you can see Jinyoung look up from the top of his lash line, as if watching to see your next reaction and what a mess you were becoming all from his doing. 

You were learning new things about him. He was a giver, a sadist, good at everything. At this very moment Park Jinyoung was going to be your downfall. It was sweet torture, pure unadulterated pleasure continued to saturate you. His tongue drags up your clit back down to your core, swirling, probing. Every movement immoral, purposeful. The sound he was eliciting from you obscene and surely he knew that no one has ever eaten you out like this. 

“I can’t,” you moan. Your body is shaking, you’re holding onto whatever sanity you have left. Thighs quiver as they close around him. You want to push him away yet instead your hands in his hair pulls him closer. Jinyoung knows, his chuckle haunts you as he keeps his hold around your knees. His tongue is meticulous, your hips are arched and pushed high. With another flick and circle of the hard muscle of his tongue your climax is released. You’re over the edge, coming down hard and he doesn’t let up. You’re cursing and his name leaves your lips on an oath repeatedly. Your breath is caught in the back of your throat. Jinyoung kneels up on the bed, looking down at you. Using the back of his hand to wipe your remnants. 

You’re putty, you can’t even prop yourself up onto your elbows. You don’t even have the energy to pull your dress back down. Though something in the way Jinyoung looks at you says there’s no point. Your gaze trails down his torso, fixing on the outline of his dress pants that’s prominent. You nip your bottom lip in anticipation, suddenly feeling full of energy. 

“What are you doing?” Jinyoung grins, cocking his brow as you find the strength to kneel in front of him. 

“Returning the favor,” you say as you work the buttons of his pants. He doesn’t resist as you bring the zipper down. He works the buttons of his dress shirt and the chiseled plain of chest is revealed and as more of his torso is exposed you can’t help but have your jaw drop. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” 

“What?” 

“Is there anything wrong with you?” You tease, making a blatant point to skim your eyes over his body. 

“I - what?” Jinyoung asks flustered.

“Nothing,” you laugh before you kiss him, your hand trailing downwards. He is already hard, straining against the cotton material. He tugs your bottom lip as you grasp the top of his boxers tugging them down. He sighs when he’s freed, cock springing up as you held back another comment about how surreal he truly is. It’s his turn to curse as your hand wraps around the base of his shaft. You begin in slow, long strokes. Rubbing your thumb against his tip, spreading his pre arousal along his sensitive head. Jinyoung exhales, eyes shut as he enjoys the way you stroke him. 

“Y/N I - oh fuck,” His sentence is cut off when you bend, taking him into your mouth. Your head bobs. Tongue moving in circular motion along his shaft. Jinyoung groans as you take him as deep as you could, he’s big enough that you need to use your hand as well. His breathing is shallow, as you continue to move up and down, hand and mouth on his cock. You find it satisfying, you’re practically smug when Jinyoung’s hands fist in your hair, groaning as his head tilts back. He even begins to guide you, helping you find your rhythm as your mouth works his cock. Using his technique from earlier, interchanging between both your hand and your mouth. 

“Ah - Y/N,” Jinyoung juts his hips back suddenly. A trail of your saliva follows, you look up at him wide eyed. Jinyoung chuckles pushing his hair back, “You’re about to test my pride,”  You grin up at him smugly. “Come here,” he pulls you back to him, his hands resting on your cheek as he pulls you in for a kiss. 

You slide both hands up the planes of his body until resting on his shoulders. He kisses you, tongue flicking against yours. He reaches the hem of your dress and you raise your arms as he pulls it over your body. Letting it join the rest of your garments on the floor. Lips only separating for that brief moment before reunited again.  He guides you to lay down once again, positioning himself between your legs. His hand rests along your rib cage, fingers grazing the underside of your breasts. 

“Mmm,” you squirm against him as he caresses your breast.The pads of his thumb grazing against your nipple, circling. He presses soft kisses to the crook of your neck, then he bends closing his mouth of your breast. The heat you felt earlier that was dwindled mildly reignited. Set a flame. He presses himself to your center. Your hips rolls in roll response, feeling him at the edge of your entrance. “Jinyoung,” you moan at the stretch. You had expected it but god, he filled you. You had to adjust, hiking your knee up to give him more leeway as he slowly begins to thrust into you. Your hips arched higher, he rolls his hips and he glides in further, bottoming out. Your fingers are digging into his shoulders with his precise, slow strokes. You’re matching each other’s rhythms, moving in sync together. Unified as one as each other’s moans and breaths fill the room. Jinyoung’s hands fist in the sheets by your head, his lips feverishly moving with yours. Your clenching around him, uncontrollable pleasure rocks and shakes through your body. You moan, arching against him as Jinyoung continues to thrust within you as you come around him. His hips snap forward, thrusts erratic. Your name leaves his lips as Jinyoung comes as well, filling you. Thrusts slowing, with long strokes. Still joined Jinyoung collapses on you. You laugh, hands limply running through his hair as small kisses to your face and shoulder are made lazily. 

“How much do I owe you for that?” You sigh. 

 You laugh when Jinyoung pinches your butt. 

Jinyoung lets out a low groan rolling off you and tugging you along with him. You wrap your arms around him, heading snuggled on his chest. Jinyoung lazily caresses your side. 

“So the wedding is tomorrow,” Jinyoung murmurs. 

“I know, I can’t believe how fast this week went,” you yawn. “I’m going to miss all the fine dining and cocktails,” 

“That’s not going to end,” Jinyoung kisses your temple. 

You look up at him, “It’s not?”

Jinyoung adjusts, “Pretty sure all the dates I take you will have some form of cocktails,” 

Dates. Real dates. You and Jinyoung were officially a couple. It all seemed surreal. 

You adjust, propping yourself on your elbows to face him, “And what about fine dining?”

Jinyoung grins leaning up to kiss you, “My instant noodle skills are impeccable,”  

You smile and bend to kiss him, “I can’t wait,” 

“Can’t wait to see you walk down the aisle tomorrow,” Jinyoung says pulling you back to lay against him. 

“Are you sure? I love my best friend and everything but her choice in color is…” you trail off and scrunch your face at the thought of your peach tulle dress in the closet. 

“You look great in anything,” Jinyoung chuckles, “but I have to say,” he says shifting himself again over top of you, “This is my favorite look by far,” he brushes your love tousled hair. 

“Maybe I’ll show up naked to the wedding and see if everyone else would like this look as well,” You tease. 

Jinyoung smiles, “Knowing your mother…” he doesn’t even have to finish his sentence for you to know. 

He lays back down holding you close to him. You snuggled against him. “Cuddling isn’t so bad after all,” 

Jinyoung raises his eyebrow at first, “Well I’m glad you think so,” he buries his face in the crook of your neck. “Cause I’m a cuddler,” he murmurs. 

You smile. Who would have thought that three weeks ago your search for a fake boyfriend would get you a real one. 

[sunflowerhae]

She plays bass with jaehyun pls!! Also your music taste is *chefs kiss*

| 📣 > > ty! I quite like my music taste as well🥳😌 follow my spotify if u wanna see my playlists lmao (( @coolangelgwen - lowkey hate myself for this one but no regrets, right?!? )) I tried to make a more realistic conversation style, but idk how I feel abt it. Lemme know! Also~~ last thing, I promise - this isn’t proofread lol so sorry if it’s bad

Send in your own requests! 🧚🏻‍♀️🐮

“Hey, won't you call me back? ‘Cause I've been waiting for a text back. It hurts my brain - This chick who plays bass”

“Jesus Jaehyun, simp much?” Jaehyun reluctantly drew his line of sight from the unlit screen of his phone to the eyes of his best friend.

“What? No, what do you mean?” Johnny rolled his eyes and glanced around the coffee shop the two currently sat in, not focusing his attention on anything specific, before returning his gaze back on the hopeless romantic in front of him.

“I know you’re waiting for her to text you.” At the ~truthful~ words thrown across the table in humor, Jaehyun rolled his own eyes with a “psh” - trying to play off the fact that Johnny was unfortunately right.

“Her” was in fact Y/l/n Y/n, a girl he met at the NCT party that his frat held the previous night. Jaehyun didn’t usually enjoy or attend them, but he had a feeling (some unknown feeling) that he should maybe go to this one, so he found a calming spot in a corner, hunkered down with a beer and a bowl of chips, and prayed that the party would end soon. Friends came by and talked to him, girls came by to seduce him, but Jaehyun’s ass stayed firmly cushioned on his seat in that little, calming corner.

The corner just so happened to be near the food table, so people were coming and going; you were not privy to this fact. You - much like Jaehyun - didn’t usually attend these events. It wasn’t that you had anything against them, you just felt there were better ways to spend your nights. However, Haechan - your best friend - practically begged you to come, stating that,

“it’d be nice to have at least one other cool person there!” And when the younger boy used his pouting charms on you, you found yourself agreeing to his request.

It was lame, though. Haechan had been stuck like glue to you the whole night, prancing you around to his frat brothers and with the obnoxious, “see - I told you she was real!”, he enjoyed seeing the fire of joy ignite in his brothers eyes the more they got to know you. Haechan claimed it was because you were quite known on campus for being the cool, quiet skater girl with good fashion, and everyone who had a conversation with you came out better because of it. You would just respond that he was the Leslie to your Ann (which he would just laugh at, joking that he has scrapbooks of your friendship - thus scaring you more). What was lame, was the party. There was no reason or organization, which you didn’t really care about, you just hated the amount of people, thus lessening the amount of air flow. One glance at the food table that had basically no one by it, and you were telling hyuck you were going to get food and heading that way.

When Jaehyun first saw you, his mind immediately registered who you were. Y/n. The girl that skated through campus, and had dyed hair, and always had butterfly clips in. He had always wanted to meet you, but was never courageous enough to act on it. It was funny, girls practically killed for a conversation with him, yet the one girl he actually wanted, never even looked his way.

That was until now.

You turned your body out to the crowd and glanced around; eyes landing on the little, calming corner, and on the boy who was already looking straight at you. You knew him. Jaehyun. A lot of people liked him, but you specifically knew him as a member of this frat.

“Hi!” You smiled, and he looked surprised that you were even talking to him.

“Hey,” he waved back, “y/n, right?”

You moved closer to him, “yeah, Jaehyun, right? You know Haechan.”

“Oh, yeah I do. You know Haechan?”

“He’s my best friend.” You both nodded at this, but Jaehyun looked a bit surprised.

“Wow, how do you know Haechan? Aren’t you older?”

“I mean, yeah. How do you know I’m older?” You had a playful tone, which calmed Jaehyun’s nerves a bit.

“Oh, we have a class together. Environmental Impact on Civilization with Professor Cilinado?” Your eyes went wide, and even with the strobe lights going off, Jaehyun could see the blush that projected itself onto your cheeks.

“Shit, that’s right. Hi!” You both laughed, “um, I don’t know, Haechan just kind of came up to me once and started talking like we’ve known each other for years and I went along with it, and I guess the rest is history.” The memory of meeting your best friend made a smile cross onto your face, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but think you were beautiful.

“Yeah, that seems like him. Weird I’ve never met you, though.”

“Yeah, I don’t really come to this stuff.”

“Same, what do you like to do?”

“Um..listen to music, I like to play my bass, skate, I guess.”

“Wow, you play bass?” Jaehyun’s eyes went wide in surprise, and you laughed at his taken aback expression.

“Yeah, why, do I seem like someone who wouldn’t?” Jaehyun felt idiotic for once more saying something insensitive, but you, again, had a smile on your face.

“No! Yes? I’m not sure, it’s just always cool to hear that someone plays an instrument. And the bass is so cool.”

You start to respond, but turn your head instead at the sound of Haechan calling your name. “Well, can’t keep the devil waiting. Speaking of, if you want you can get my number from Haechan, text me!” Jaehyun eagerly nods, but you’re already walking away; your back turned around.

Johnny has to literally snap his fingers in front of Jaehyuns face to shake him from the memory of last night, and the moment Jaehyun saw Johnnys amused face, he knew he was caught.

“What’d I say - simp.”

“She plays bass, she plays bass. Nothing matters 'cause we're both in space”

Y/n (4:57pm) hey Jaehyun! I’m happy u texted me! Yesssss let’s totally do something together!! What did u have in mind??

And that’s how you and Jaehyun - basically strangers - ended up on the hood of his car at 1 am; eating chicken nuggets from McDonald’s and looking at the stars together.

“Everyone knows the buffalo sauce is the best, Jaehyun!” He laughed at your counter argument, but shook his head none the less.

“No, honey mustard is superior!”

“No, because you could get that anywhere-“

“-you could get buffalo anywhere! And why is it orange, and why does it taste the way it does?” You were both laughing in between arguing your respective sides, and if it weren’t for the slightly uncomfortable position of laying on the hood of a car, this moment would have been picture perfect (but really, it was anyway).

You were thankful that the college you went to wasn’t directly in the city, so when Jaehyun picked you up and drove to a good star gazing place, it was easy to see the night sky.

“Sometimes, I like to close my eyes and imagine I’m floating in space. It feels kind of trippy.” Jaehyun turned his head at the sound of your voice, but you continued staring at the sky.

“How do you do that?” He asked.

“Well, I have to be in a completely dark and silent room. Then, I just unfocus my gaze and I don’t move my body at all. It’s how people become, uh..Jesus what’s the word? When they get like, controlled?-“

“-hypnotized?”

“Yeah! I watched a video where he hypnotized the crowd and the viewers to see their past life - it was crazy.” Through out your small speech, you waved your hands a lot, and Jaehyun took notice of the fact that you spoke with your hands; it was something small, but he tucked it into the back of his head, and kept it to think about for when he needed to smile.

“What was your past life?”

“I lived at an old korean palace - like 19th century. I wasn’t a high position, but I was wealthy. I wore red a lot.”

“Send me the link?” You finally turned to lock eyes with Jaehyun.

“Yes, of course.” You both smiled at each. Nothing was said, but both of you could practically feel yourselves making room for each other in your hearts, the longer you sat on the hood of Jaehyun’s car; staring at the stars.

“How I wish we could just date - So you can teach me how to be more like you”

Jaehyun could feel himself fidgeting slightly while he waited for you to open the door to your apartment. After gazing at the stars, you offered him a tour of your place and a beer or two, and Jaehyun didn’t admit it, but he didn’t care if you said you wanted to kill someone - he would have agreed if it meant spending more time with you.

“Sorry it’s kind of a mess! I was going to clean it on Wed...” your voice continued going, but the farther you walked away, the less Jaehyun heard it, so he just chose to instead look around the main area of your apartment, and what he found left him in awe.

A black bass sat snugly in the corner of your living room, surrounded by plants. Behind your couch framed, vintage movie posters decorated the wall, and fairy lights, records, and books sat on the shelf above your tv.

You came out of the kitchen with a wine bottle and two glasses, and you sat them down on the coffee table while Jaehyun took a seat on your couch. “I like your apartment.”

You looked back at him with a smile while pouring yourselves drinks, and sat down next to him while laughing, “thanks. Like I said, it’s kind of messy,” you paused to take a drink, “But it’s home. Bleh, wine makes me feel old.” Jaehyun nodded while laughing, and the air became thick with quietness, which teetered between awkward and calm leniently. Jaehyun - as slyly as he could - stared at your side profile while you started talking about the movie posters hanging behind you. You had an aura of chill vibes, and it seemed that whatever you talked about, you managed to make interesting. Jaehyun was debating whether he wanted to date you, or be you, until he came to the conclusion that he wanted to date you so he could learn to be like you. Although it was the beginning of what he hoped was a new relationship, Jaehyun already had so much respect for you, and as you joked around with him about whatever the two of you could think of, Jaehyun’s excitement for the the future held only increased more and more.

Past life video

That was my actual past life btw! Lemme know what y’all get 😩 also just go on the website if you get a lot of ads - bc that can fuck w ur hypnotization! It’s not scary, I promise. The dude has a super nice voice. It’s vv trippy. If you’re a skeptic - do it anyway. Worst case scenario, you get a good laugh.

[hyukiee]

Chapter 1: Destiny

warnings: cussing, drug use, mental illness (future fluff, smut, angst, etc.)

this is my first story i’m writing on tumblr, I hope y’all like it. I’ll probably update once or twice a week. I plan on this not so lovely love story to be pretty long.. and angsty. Enjoy :)

Dreams are one of the most unknown things we experience, yet no one questions our lack of knowledge about them when we lay in bed at night. Not everybody dreams. Some people only dream when their happy... or sad... or scared... or it just happens every blue moon for no reason at all. You dream every day, to the point where you feel a little depressed if you don’t have one. They never take you to wonderland, their never right, something is always off but you liked them anyways. They gave you an escape from reality, until reality started showing up in your dreams. The reality that you’re slowly killing yourself when really this was supposed to be the peak of your existence. The reality that you literally gave the most handsome man you’ve ever seen, the ugliest look in downtown Hollywood and the reality that you know you will ruin his life or get close to it.

‘That stupid fucking asshole, I can’t believe that no good piece of shit left me to fend for myself. It’s so fucking hot. Fuck off Karen, my face is easier to look at than that awful sweater. Fuck. I need to sit down.’ You stopped walking and you look at yourself through the reflection of some enterance to a cafe, it smells like. Jesus christ, those eye bags look like black eyes. You went to your closest friends party the other night, you didn’t want to go so that explains the oversized grey hoodie and grey sweats that... have dirt on them? How the fuck- you know what, you’ve seen worse. You can’t go inside the cafe looking like this though. The shady floor will do for now. Everyone is wearing work clothes so you must of slept through all of Sunday. Alone. Because your dick head of a friend abandoned you, god knows when but for someone that slept through an entire day, you’re tired. Maybe it’s just the mental exhaustion you live with but god you could use a nap. “E-eguse me ehm here you go,” you look up and see the most perfectly built man you have ever seen, holding a.. $10 bill? You unknowingly glare at him after noticing his arm holding out the money to you. He looked nervous, and foreign as fuck what accent is that? “I’m not homeless, fuck off.” Who the fuck is he to assume your homeless? Cant someone sit in piece for a little? Prick. You stood up, hitting his shoulder as you walked away, not ever looking back at his beautiful face.

Wake up, go to the beach, take a xans, go to work, go home, sleep, wake up, eat, sleep, and wake up to repeat the process. You always hated living by a constant schedule, but at this point you do anything you can to hurt yourself. The weekends are different though, its always spontaneous. Will you snort a line with the crackheads down the street or will you go to a party because you know the college kids adore their new interest in drugs? You really don’t need drugs. You’re fine. Depression put you in this place and god you feel like a coward. People go through so much more and stay away from drugs. Coward. Your thoughts consist of things like this often, even when your supposed to be hearing your idiot friends excuse for abandoning you last week. “Y/n, seriously, I could of sworn you were dead.” “Wow, thanks Julian, i’ll make sure to leave your lifeless body instead of calling 911 like a sane person when I get the chance.” You both rolled your eyes in sync. You loved Julian, he’s such a dumbass but despite saying he’s your closest friend, your hardly friends. You met before you dropped out of college, he was your dealer, one of the nicest ones you’ve met. You ran into him often and bought from him often as well so you would talk but the reality is he only stays because you’re his best costumer and you frankly don’t care because you are too lost to even care about someone else.

“Y/n, I think you should lay back on your habits a little bit,” Julian broke the silence you both had on the pier. You both liked to meet up at the pier and smoke a little. “Oh please, don’t act like you care. Drop the act and be a fake friend to me, please,” you spoke unemotionally, making eye contact with him. “I’ve never met someone asking for a fake friend.” “Real ones require you to love and deal with them. I can’t do that for you Julian but I know that’s not what you wanted anyways. I practically pay your rent, just thank me and change the topic.” He sighed. Not a disappointed one, a relived one. Julian has been a dealer for a very long time, he stopped caring about his costumers decisions. He didn’t truly care for your health, it was the sad truth. He did get worried that night at his party but only because he isn’t heartless. You knew that though, you seemed so lifeless and incapable of feeling anything to him. He wondered about your story at times but he knew somehow he would never get it. You’re easy to talk to though, it’s nice. “Thank you.”

Ever since you were little you wanted to live in a big city like L.A. Although, you imagined you would be going to UCLA and going to study on a beach just because you could. Standing next to Julian in line at Coachella, you just now take in how completely different your life turned out but at least you did end up here. Julian gets into Coachella for free every single year so your always his +1. You love gatherings like this but this one is just a little too Pg for you. You always end up spending most of your time at the food trucks. But according to Julian, ‘so many people would kill to be around this many celebrities’ so maybe you could get a drink or two in and mingle or whatever. It won’t kill you. So here you are, waiting to get a margarita because god knows you can’t be any type of social while sober. “I guess you weren’t homeless after all, my apologies,” you turn around and see the beautifully built man leaning down towards you. You could run. You’re not to far from the exit and it would be impossible to run into this guy for a third time... right? “Are you following me?” That was supposed to stay in your thoughts.. Is he though? How the hell do you see each other in two different cities? Sure, everyone knows about Coachella but how does he recognize you, you look good today, not homeless or drugged up, whichever works. “Ah, sorry, my english bad,” He stood up straight rubbing his hand on the back of his neck nervously. Right. Foreigner with a unknown accent. “What language do you speak?” It’s not like you’re going to understand his language but your curiosity is getting the best- “Korean.” You know it really isn’t too late to run. This man could be lying, trying to kidnap you and sex traffic you. What are the chances he just happens to speak the one other language you do as well. He could be faking this for all you know. “Hello,” You haven’t spoken in Korean since high school. You dont know why you even let that out. “You speak Korean? Wow, hello!” He bowed to you slightly with a box like smile on his face. That’s cute. It’s different. “I really am sorry for mistaking you the other day, do you mind me asking what happened?” “I was on a lot of drugs at a party and my friend abandoned me because he thought I overdosed.” You learned a long time ago to leave your addiction to yourself. People look at you differently when you do drugs, even your closest friends. That’s one of the first lessons you learn as a drug addict, keep it to yourself. The only people that know you do drugs are the ones that do them too. You could of lied to him, but the self destructive part of you couldn’t help but push this stranger away. You turned around to look at him after it got awkwardly silent. “What? You surprised? Scared? No harsh feelings, I don’t even know you.” You held in a laugh from his shocked and awkward expression. “Your right, we don’t know each other, I’m Taehyung,” He held out his hand replacing his taken aback expression back to his box-y smile, pretending what you said just never happened. ”Y/n,” You sighed. He won’t give up whatever this is. Fantastic. “Well actually, i’m supposed to be talking with famous people or something like that so I should get going,” You didn’t know how to get out of this situation. You felt like you couldn’t breathe with him standing so close to you. This conversation gets more and more awkward everytime you speak. “Then why are you leaving?” You both stared at each other, surprisingly not awkwardly. It was comforting looking into his eyes. “What? “You know what, I actually should go before i’m late, i’ll see you later,” he gave you one last smile and patted your shoulder before leaving you. “But- Why? What?”

“I just had the most uncomfortable conversation of my life with this insanely perfect looking man,” you spoke almost out of breath, finally finding Julian in the crowd. “Yeah, i’m pretty sure I saw who you’re talking about when I left you,” Julian is such an old soul. He responded while looking ahead at the stage, almonds in one hand like a football dad. “Who’s performing next” “Uh, BTS.” You hardly listen to music these days. Music that doesn’t fit your ‘fuck life, love drugs’ aesthetic. BTS doesn’t ring a bell so you probably won’t like it but it’s not like you have anything else to do, you’ve had enough with weird interactions. “Remind me why we’re sober,” you sighed, starting to feel the pain from standing for so long. “I’m sober, you’re drunk.” Julian glanced at the margarita in your hand. Right, you almost forgot. “Oh, don’t judge-“ “Sh sh sh their coming.” He hit your shoulder a couple of time looking at the stage like a child. You hate when people tap on you it’s so annoying. You sighed for the one thousandth time and focused on the group of people coming to the stage. Asians, how convenient. You know if life really hated you they would be Korean just like- “Ey, isn’t that the ‘insanely perfect looking man’ you were talking about? I can’t tell.” You have got to be kidding. That’s why he asked why you were leaving. He’s fucking famous. “I need another drink,” You sighed.

[nelllraiser]

seeing is beleafing | solomon & nell

LOCATION: nell’s greenhouse at the vural home. PARTIES: @shroomsbysolomon & @nelllraiser. SUMMARY: solomon stumbles upon a lush haven, and nell tries to defend her plants only to be pleasantly surprised. 

As always— the pinging of the property spell going off when someone foreign crossed it jolted Nell awake, anxiety quick to pool in her stomach. Grabbing a knife from her bedside table, she clutched it confidently as she made her way out to the balcony that was connected to her room, leaning over the edge of it to find whether she could see who this intruder was from the vantage point. Spotting an outrageously tall figure by her greenhouse, her ire only grew hotter, and Nell wasted no time in launching herself over the side of the railing, using a spell to slow her fall and land softly on the grass beneath. Then she was making angry strides towards her prized possession, trying to make sense of the mass of...whatever it was that was peering through the glass. “Hey!” she yelled out at the stranger, realizing whoever this was had to be at least nine feet tall. “Get your slender-man ass away from my plants!” she called out again, brandishing the knife in front of her as she closed in. It was only as she got closer that she recognized why the form of the intruder was so hard to identify. All the distinguishing lines of a person were broken up by...were those little mushrooms growing off of him?

Usually when he was this close to town, Solomon would have started using his illusory magic. It wasn’t likely that he’d run into someone out here, but it was possible… with the small smattering of cabins that dotted the area. But tonight? Tonight he was distracted, because he’d suddenly stumbled upon a greenhouse that he’d somehow managed to completely miss for however long, and he was smitten. Moving almost silently through the trees, the massive Leshy slowly came out into the clearing that surrounded the property, eyeless gaze fixed upon the structure. A soft sound reverberated from within the elk skull that hid his face, something akin to a very pleased sigh, and he lumbered over to the object of his attention. Pushing off the grass with his hands, Solomon rose to his full height, leaning carefully against the glass as he peered inside. There were so many lovely plants to take in! He wanted to be inside, to smell that damp, earthy goodness — but someone was coming. With a start, the creature dropped back down onto his hands, turning his lithe frame to face the small woman as he tried to make himself appear smaller. Shit. The lichen and moss that hung from his antlers swayed as he shifted awkwardly on the spot, keeping his branch-like hands planted firmly against the soil between his feet. “No, I…” His voice was deep and rumbling, but still gentle, in an unexpected sort of way. “Sssorry. Just… admiring.” He turned his head to glance warily at the greenhouse, then dipped it in a way that was perhaps meant to convey his shame in being caught.

He’d gone back to his crouched position, making himself smaller as Nell yelled. Good. It seemed she’d successfully yelled him into submission despite him still being nearly the same height as her even in this diminished pose. “That’s right!” she spoke in the same aggressive tone, knife flashing in the light of the moon. “Go ahead and take your noodle butt somewhere el-” she paused mid sentence as the indeterminate shape of a creature turned towards her, and she finally came to recognize what was perched atop its head. An elk skull? She recognized the shape from her own sacrifices she’d made for blood magic, though the ones she encountered didn’t usually speak back to her, and certainly not in a tone so demure. It was distracting enough for her to take a long moment to pinpoint exactly what it was the creature in front of her was. With assorted plants growing from him he looked like his own personal biome, a walking haven for his little mushrooms. A leshy? She’d only met one other, and he hadn’t looked all that similar to the man in front of her, no animal skull or mushrooms to speak of. The fae’s prompt apology had her hackles lowering in the slightest, her blade also dipping a fraction of an inch. “...You like it? The greenhouse?” It would make sense, wouldn’t it? A leshy admiring some greenery.

Solomon never enjoyed being yelled at, of course, though it was a rare occurrence. Still, his reaction was to recoil, not to lash out, as the young woman had posed no real threat just yet. Flinching beneath the bite of her words, he lapsed into a hopeful silence when she took a few beats to really examine him, keeping still as he could. It had been quite a time since a human (or human-presenting) being had seen him in this form, and he was quick to recall how it had played out the last few times. To say it’d gone poorly would be an understatement… he hoped that would not be the case today. It seemed he was in luck, for after her pause she posed a question that simply begged him to respond enthusiastically. “Oh, yes,” the creature mused, nodding his large head at her, lifting a hand to press it gently against the glass once more. “Lovely. Isss it yours? Do you care for it? I wasss just wishing I could get inside, without…” He dipped his head again, waving his claws dismissively before returning them to the spot between his feet. “... you know. Breaking.”

The more the leshy seemed to withdraw as she berated him, the less Nell felt the need to threaten him. It was plain to see that the man-tree wasn’t planning on fighting back, and Nell paused a beat before finally giving her knife a thoughtful twirl, letting it lower to her side. It was still gripped snugly in her hold, but looking less and less like she was anticipating the need to stab or slash. It was hard to maintain her wariness when he replied with such enthusiasm to her question, seemingly a naturally endearing creature. “Uh- yeah, it’s mine. I got it about ten months ago.” It had been part of her parents’ bribe to bring her home from a five-year excursion outside White Crest, and into her sister’s home. As the fae expressed his concern and care for entering the greenhouse, Nell stood somewhat nonplussed, uncertain as to where they were meant to go from here. “Who are you, exactly?” That made sense to ask, right? “I don’t usually let strangers into my greenhouse…” But who else would know how to appreciate her plants as well as a leshy would? His desires seemed relatively harmless for the moment.

Listening carefully while she explained, Solomon found his gaze flicking between the owner of the greenhouse and all the plants that rested on the other side of the glass. Ahh, so it was fairly new, that must have been why he hadn’t come across it till now. As a rule, he didn’t usually get this close to dwellings in the outskirts, but once the greenhouse had caught his eye, he’d forgotten all his usual rules. Then, of course, came the question of his identity. “Oh, well, you sssee…” His voice trailed, head tilting slightly skyward as if he were lost in thought. “I would… rather not say… but I have lived in these woods for two yearsss now. Go into town during the day… obviously not looking like thisss.” He glanced down at himself, large, claw-like fingertips tapping into the soft earth. “It is okay, I can… look from here,” he offered, though the self restraint seemed to have deflated him a bit. 

“Not even a name? Or something to call you?” Nell pressed lightly, not knowing how to address the leshy if she didn’t have a way of identifying him. But she also knew fae and their strange ways when it came to names at times. “You don’t have to tell me anything else.” Two years...that would have been some time after Bea bought the house. “Yeah, I’d imagine a giant tree walking around the Common might be a little attention grabbing,” the witch tried to joke. “But then again people around here see crazy shit every day.” For a moment the young woman worried her lip between her teeth, looking between the funghi-ridden man and her beloved plants. “If I let you in...you promi-” she cut the word off mid-sentence as she reminded herself she was dealing with fae. “You won’t touch anything unless you ask?” Normally she wouldn’t be so ready to allow a stranger access to her haven, but the fact that he was quite literally a plant himself helped to comfort the worry she might have over any potential hazard.

Solomon had never had a name, not until he stole one from a man he murdered. There was probably something that the vikings had called him when they found him back when he was just a sapling, but he couldn’t really remember anymore. He knew that if he gave her the name he used to masquerade as a human, she’d probably figure it out… eventually. And he’d like to keep that eventuality to a minimum, despite having mucked it up a couple times already. He really was a terrible liar. Trying to think on his feet, the leshy tried hard to come up with something else she could call him, and the only things coming to mind were the plants he spent so much time around, cultivating and cherishing. “You may call me… ehm… Lily,” he muttered, the delicate white curves of the flower filling his mind. His attention quickly shifted, though, and his whole body seemed to jitter excitedly as the woman laid down some ground rules for him. “Of courssse!” he chirped. “Permission first.” 

Nell waited curiously, the curiosity giving way to a flicker of amusement crossing her features when the leshy gave his answer. “Alright Lily- if we’re doing code names then I’m gonna give myself a cool one, too.” Which one would suffice, though? Hellraiser had been her name in the Ring, but that felt cringey to give in this sort of setting, and she didn’t want to bring any part of the place that had only cultivated pain and sorrow to follow her into the future. Taki was another obvious choice seeing as they were one of her favorite snacks...but she couldn’t steal the name of her familiar. “I’ll be...Len,” she finally said with a snicker, all too tickled by the foolish way she’d reversed her name to make a new one. “Lenny- if my plants like you enough.” It was meant as a joke while she turned back towards her greenhouse, looking over her shoulder to once again scan over the leshy before doubling down on her decision to let him into one of her most sacred spaces. Whispering a personalized spell that unlocked the door, she stepped into the greenhouse, turning to see if Lily would follow. “So this is it- welcome to the inside.”

Leaning in eagerly, black eye sockets fixed on the back of her head as she opened the door, Solomon let out a delighted grumble as it swung open and the stranger invited him in. Crawling forward on his hands and feet, head ducking down as he carefully slipped through the threshold, mindful of the size of his crown of bone, Solomon breathed deeply. His sigh seemed to swell in the enclosed space, the leaves of the plants reaching in his direction ever so slightly, then falling back to their original positions as he settled onto the floor. He was big, too big, and so his body began to shrink. Fae illusory magic brought him down to a more reasonable seven feet tall, and even his antler rack decreased in size, the uppermost points vanishing as the bone seemed to fade away. He seemed to pay this transformation no mind, transfixed instead by the healthy glow of all these flowers and greenery. “Beautiful,” the creature breathed, moving his skeletal face as close as he could to each new one that caught his eye, getting the best look possible without disturbing the plants, as promised. “Which isss your favorite?”

Nell could only blink in intrigue as Lily morphed himself to fit the confines of the greenhouse. To be honest, fae were the branch of species she was generally the least familiar with, though perhaps there should actually be some further understanding between herself and them considering that the fair folk were the only ones to hold their magic as spellcasters did. She knew the magic was different, having their own brand of weaving and channeling and the like, but it still linked them, didn’t it? “You like it?” Nell asked with a hint of pride to her voice. After all, what greater achievement was there than a nearly literal spirit of the forest approving your plants? Surely he’d be the best reigning opinion on the matter. The greenhouse was lush, full of a wide variety of plants with the least conspicuous of them gracing the front end of the greenhouse. However if one bothered to venture further, they’d be first greeted with plants of a witchier origin, plenty of herbs and the like to help fuel spellwork. The further one went in, the more supernatural it got, with greenery unknown to the normal world growing in the back. “Oh, I can’t choose a favorite,” she answered, fielding the question as if someone had asked who her favorite child was. “And even if I could, I wouldn’t say it in front of them,” she joked lightly. “Did you have a favorite?”

Nodding enthusiastically, Solomon continued to survey the expanse of plantlife. His gaze was drawn to the rear of the greenhouse, and he noticed how the more humble plants were stationed near the front, leaving the more interesting ones tucked away, secret. Shrugging in agreement, Solomon let out a dry, scratchy laugh. “That isss a good point,” he mused, moving farther into the building, still lumbering on all fours like an animal, to better keep himself from knocking into things. “Well, I am fond of liliesss... as you may have guessed,” he answered distractedly, large head swaying this way and that, body ducking down to the floor to get a good look at the shorter sprouts, then reaching up, up, up to admire the tall ones. “Len, I am… sssurprised to sssee such variety in… a human’s care,” Solomon commented as they made their way farther back, the more exotic and purposeful greenery becoming abundant. He could sense something about her, something that reminded him of the witches he had known many hundreds of years ago. They had been good to him, and he remembered them fondly to this day. The energy that radiated from the young woman was almost identical, which begged the question… “Are you a witch?” Of course it would make sense, with a greenhouse like this, but he didn’t want to be rude and assume anything.

Nell decided that Lily reminded her of a very solemn toddler— like one of those children on a talk-show who were brought on because they knew the name of every country on the map and its capital before they could even properly hold a spoon. Seemingly mature and composed, but not entirely understanding of the concepts an everyday human would encounter, and shaky on their execution. Perhaps that was why he seemed to be so endearing. “Do you have a favorite lily?” she asked quickly, eager to have met someone who could understand the beauty of growth and greenery. As he used her silly pseudonym, Nell barely surprised a small snicker, settling for a crooked grin instead. Nevertheless, she was proud at his continued approval of her set up and plants. She shouldn’t have been surprised by his final question, but her eyebrows raised slightly nonetheless, silent for a split moment as she thought her answer over. It would be fair to divulge her own identity in return, wouldn’t it? After all, she already knew he was a Leshy, and he didn’t seem to mean any harm. “Yep, that’s me. Lots of this stuff I use for spellwork. But some of it’s just for the kitchen, too. Sometimes it’s for both.” Kitchen magic was a lovely branch of mysticality. “And sometimes it’s just ‘cause it’s pretty.” 

“The Forever Sssusan lily,” Solomon answered after a brief moment of thought, “it reminds me of autumn.” He cast her a fond glance, if such a thing could be achieved with an expressionless, bone visage. When she answered his rather straightforward question, he seemed to brighten even further. “Brilliant,” he muttered happily, the mushrooms that dotted his large frame seeming to grow just a touch taller. “I used to know sssome witches, up in the mountainsss… oh, they were wonderful. Sssome of my favorite people. They were very good to me.” His gaze fell on Len again after wandering her greenhouse a bit more, inspecting the more exotic flora. “You ssseem good too, Len. Kind.” He seemed almost relieved, his thoughts recalling the less than kind spellcaster he’d met a couple weeks prior, who had absolutely rubbed him in every wrong way possible. Crouched on his hands and feet, Solomon lifted his head high and took one more deep, long  breath. “Thank you for sssharing your greenhouse with me. It wasss a nice break from the familiarity of these woods.” He realized, in that moment, that if he were to have a home—a proper one, that was—he would want something like this. “Do you think… perhapsss… I could return sssome day? If it is no trouble… It just feels very, ah… nice in here.” Not to mention, he could use more friends.

Nell made a humming sound of approval as Lily imparted his favorite flower, already envisioning the deep purples and vibrant oranges of the bloom in her mind’s eye. It was a stunning flower, and certainly one of the showier lilies. Vaguely, she wondered what Lily’s choice said about him, but she wasn’t nearly so perceptive as to make a passing and accurate judgement into the inner workings of a stranger’s mind such as the leshy’s. Still she wondered at what it meant that the forest creature would enjoy being reminded of autumn, the time in which most plants lost their color and leaves. Perhaps he liked the promise that they would return, and the cycle of life that continued to turn in its unshakable circle. Nell nodded eagerly as he mentioned the other witches, remembering childhood trips their mother had taken them on to visit sister covens. The nostalgia was quickly followed with a small pang of pain, knowing that those bridges had most likely been burned when she and her sisters had been banished from their coven. “I’m glad,” she decided to answer simply, a well-meaning half smile on her lips. As for kindness...she’d never particularly used that word when thinking of herself. Well-meaning, perhaps. Or possibly even thoughtful at times, but it was hard for her to reconcile the mistakes and choices she’d made with a word as soft as ‘kind’. “If I am, it’s only because you’ve been kind in return,” she said diplomatically, not entirely knowing how to accept his compliment when she wasn’t all that sure it was true. His request to return left her hesitating for a split second. The greenhouse had always been a place of repose, a hideaway haven where she could simply be away from the world and all others. But if there was anyone who would appreciate the greenhouse for what it was as she did, surely it would be Lily. Her response to his question was to forage through a nearby string that had newly dried tea leaves from it. Whispering a few words of magic over the lemon balm leaves she’d chosen, she then offered them to Lily. “When you wanna visit- just brew these into a tea, and I’ll know to meet you here and to let you in.”

Similarly, Solomon had never been described as ‘kind’ by anyone he’d known… though people’s opinions of him were often kept secret, so there was no telling the impressions he’d left on those who kept their tongues tied. The assessment struck him as curious, and he made a mental note of it. Interacting with people was hard enough already, he’d take any tips people gave out so freely. Watching the witch while she suddenly busied her hands, large head canted to the side, Solomon gave a soft, delighted sigh when she turned around again to give him his instructions. “Thank you, Len,” he gushed, holding a spindly-fingered hand out to accept the leaves, cradling them gently in his large palm as he looked back to her face. The magic was intriguing to him, to say the least—obviously it was very different from his own, and he found the (apparent) simplicity of it to be fascinating. Brew tea, summon friend. Easy as that! Closing his hand to protect the tea leaves, the leshy gave her a deep bow of his head. “I look forward to our next meeting, then,” he murmured happily, rising to his feet to walk back to the greenhouse entrance with her, again ducking through the doorway and stepping out into the moonlit clearing. “Be well!” She was offered an enthusiastic wave, one Solomon had seen many people perform before, and then he was off, lumbering back into the darkness of the wood. What a charming, unexpected evening! He’d remember it fondly for decades to come.

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart.